Adrienne Iapalucci

Adrienne Iapalucci: Darkly hilarious and unapologetically sharp, Adrienne delivers comedy that leaves audiences laughing—and sometimes gasping. Known for her biting wit and fearless takes, she’s been featured on The Degenerates on Netflix, crushed on The Late Show with David Letterman, and has a podcast, Vadge. Don’t miss your chance to see her live—grab your tickets at https://adrienneIapalucci.com #adrienneiapalucci #andrewsantino #whiskeyginger #darkqueen #podcast ============================================ Sponsor Whiskey Ginger: https://public.liveread.io/media-kit/whiskeyginger SUPPORT OUR SPONSORS MANDO Use Promo Code: WHISKEY FOR $5 OFF YOUR ORDER http://shopmando.com PRIZEPICKS Download The App! USE PROMO CODE: WHISKEY GET $50 INSTANTLY WITH YOUR 1ST $5 BET ======================================= Follow Andrew Santino: https://www.instagram.com/cheetosantino/ https://twitter.com/CheetoSantino Follow Whiskey Ginger: https://www.instagram.com/whiskeygingerpodcast https://twitter.com/whiskeygingerpodcast Produced and edited by Joe Faria https://www.instagram.com/itsjoefaria Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Speaker names marked ? are inferred from speaking time and the show’s known hosts — they are not voice-verified.

• 0:00Speaker 00

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• 0:35Speaker 01

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• 0:50Andrew Santino?

  What up, YouTube Ginger fans? Welcome back to the show. If it's your first time joining the show, welcome to the show. We got a good one for you today. Also, I'm on tour, finishing up the tour and shooting my special. Starting off with Chicago, and I'm going everywhere, ladies and germs. I'm in Charleston, I'm in Durham. Show up Durham, where are you at, North Carolina? Come on and raise up, I'm in Atlanta. I do Philly, I do Philly, I'm at the Met, which I'm so proud of. The Beacon in New York, I'm doing Phoenix. Two shows in San Francisco, two shows in San Diego, and four shows in Minneapolis, Minnesota, where I'm filming my special. Four shows, so go get those tickets right now at andrewsantino.com. Andrew Santino.com.

• 1:34Speaker 03

  In here, we pour whiskey, whiskey, whiskey, whiskey, whiskey. Oh, that creature in the ginger beard!

• 1:41Speaker 04

  Sturdy and ginger. Like vampires, the ginger gene is a curse. Ginger's a puget. You owe me $5 for the whiskey and $75 for the horse. Ginger, oh hell no. This whiskey is excellent.

• 1:54Speaker 05

  Ginger, I like gingers.

• 1:58Andrew Santino?

  Ladies and gentlemen, welcome back to Whiskey Junior. My guest today is one of my favorite people on the other side of the room. My guest about a meeting once again today. It is Adrian Yabalucci. I said Appalucci, Iapalucci, Appalucci. I've heard Louis call you Appalucci and you say that's how you say it.

• 2:11Speaker 06

  I say Appalucci, yeah.

• 2:12Andrew Santino?

  But it could be Iapalucci.

• 2:14Speaker 06

  It could be whatever, I'm not saying it correct.

• 2:15Andrew Santino?

  Do you know where your pig family is from?

• 2:19Speaker 06

  I don't know.

• 2:20Andrew Santino?

  You don't know where part of Italy?

• 2:20Speaker 06

  Somewhere disgusting, I'm sure.

• 2:21Andrew Santino?

  You know, somebody, somewhere trash? Do you've never done one of those?

• 2:25Speaker 06

  No, but I'm not all, I'm not all Italian, though.

• 2:27Andrew Santino?

  What's the other side again?

• 2:28Speaker 06

  Hungarian.

• 2:30Andrew Santino?

  But say it. Hungarian. Say it, say the J word.

• 2:34Speaker 06

  Jew? How am I Jew, this is the thing like-

• 2:37Andrew Santino?

  You know that shakes me to my core.

• 2:38Speaker 06

  I know. Listen, no one likes the Jews, especially right now, but like, I also don't identify as a Jew.

• 2:44Andrew Santino?

  What do you identify as?

• 2:45Speaker 06

  Bronx trash.

• 2:46Andrew Santino?

  Bronx trash, yeah. That's, and is there a lot of Jews in the Bronx? No, they're Brooklyn based, mostly.

• 2:51Speaker 06

  I think they were in the Bronx, in the concourse, and then they all left when like, black people came.

• 2:56Andrew Santino?

  Oh, and here they are, the Jews pretending like they're, you know. We're not like the other whites.

• 3:01Speaker 06

  I'm not saying, I'm not saying that's for sure would happen, I'm just-

• 3:04Andrew Santino?

  It sounds right.

• 3:05Speaker 06

  It does.

• 3:06Andrew Santino?

  It sounds very right. You're born and raised in the Bronx. You've never lived anywhere but New York?

• 3:11Speaker 06

  No.

• 3:12Andrew Santino?

  That's awesome.

• 3:13Speaker 06

  Is it?

• 3:13Andrew Santino?

  I think it's beautiful.

• 3:14Speaker 06

  I think it makes you a bad person.

• 3:16Andrew Santino?

  It does?

• 3:17Speaker 06

  You're not supposed to live in New York City the whole time.

• 3:20Andrew Santino?

  Where would you go if you could go?

• 3:22Speaker 06

  Like, anywhere, like, I'm just like on a beach?

• 3:24Andrew Santino?

  Well, no, what's your like, you know where I wish I li- I lived? Where I wish I moved? What's your secondary life?

• 3:29Speaker 06

  I do like the beach.

• 3:31Andrew Santino?

  Yeah.

• 3:32Speaker 06

  Um, I don't actually hate LA, I really think I would hate it here.

• 3:35Andrew Santino?

  Come on over.

• 3:36Speaker 06

  I don't think I can come on over.

• 3:37Andrew Santino?

  We could use a talented comedian out here.

• 3:39Speaker 06

  I mean, Ari's forcing me to go to Austin. For three months.

• 3:43Andrew Santino?

  Oof.

• 3:44Speaker 06

  He-

• 3:45Andrew Santino?

  Enjoy.

• 3:45Speaker 06

  When I was there, he made everyone talk, he made Rogan talk to me about moving to Austin. Everyone is like, you're moving to Austin, I'm like, I'm going for three months, I'm keeping my apartment. I'm not gonna really be there a lot.

• 3:56Andrew Santino?

  I don't wanna, I don't wanna do this right now about Austin, but, you know. It's great.

• 4:02Speaker 06

  It's, it's too-

• 4:03Andrew Santino?

  But it's not New York, dude.

• 4:04Speaker 06

  It's too hot.

• 4:04Andrew Santino?

  New York is New York, it's the best city in the world.

• 4:06Speaker 06

  New York is a terrible place.

• 4:08Andrew Santino?

  It's the best city in the world.

• 4:09Speaker 06

  Every 9/11, I pray for a sequel. I hate New York City so fucking much. It's the worst place ever. Everyone is mad all the time.

• 4:16Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, but they're suppo- isn't that beautiful?

• 4:19Speaker 06

  I think it would be nice if I got to do that for a time, but as a kid growing up like that, it's just like you're, it's a lot. Like, you know what I mean? Like, you should either grow up there or end up there, but you shouldn't be there the whole time.

• 4:30Andrew Santino?

  Well, then what about LA? Like, I moved here when I was 21, and I haven't left. And I do plan on leaving, but I haven't left.

• 4:36Speaker 06

  Where are you gonna go?

• 4:38Andrew Santino?

  Well, for a while, I was gonna go to New York, and I never got to go because of family stuff. Unfortunately, I'm stuck here. But...

• 4:46Andrew Santino?

  I don't know. I mean, where's my, like, I wanna die in a lake, very bad.

• 4:51Speaker 06

  That's like, very easy.

• 4:52Andrew Santino?

  I wanna die in the middle of winter. Well, don't.

• 4:55Speaker 06

  Okay. Blame it on this guy.

• 4:58Andrew Santino?

  I will, trust me.

• 4:59Speaker 06

  McCusky.

• 5:00Andrew Santino?

  If anybody does kill me, you know how they go to the spouse first? It's, this guy will be the first person the FBI looks at, uh, as if the FBI would look at my case.

• 5:08Speaker 06

  They would look at your case.

• 5:09Andrew Santino?

  No chance.

• 5:10Speaker 06

  Have Rogan call it in a favor.

• 5:11Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, he, yeah, he, from the mothership, they're like, "I'm calling from the alien, the alien bastion." "Before we go too far, your special came out on Netflix." It's called "The Dark Queen."

• 5:22Speaker 06

  Yes.

• 5:22Andrew Santino?

  Which was ref, which is reference to kind of this gentrification move of, of you pushing black people out of the Bronx. That's called the dark, it was called the Dark Queen movement. Very good.

• 5:34Speaker 06

  Queen.

• 5:35Andrew Santino?

  Queen. Dark Queen. Hey, Dark Queen, there it is.

• 5:41Speaker 06

  I love that move when you're just like...

• 5:42Andrew Santino?

  Pat it. You know, I found myself doing that. I shot a TV show and I had to wear a wig every day.

• 5:47Speaker 06

  Oh, yeah, you can't get in there.

• 5:49Andrew Santino?

  Every day.

• 5:49Speaker 06

  It's so itchy.

• 5:50Andrew Santino?

  Oof, I wanted to kill somebody.

• 5:52Speaker 06

  I one time went in a rabbit hole watching black women get their hair done in a salon. It takes like, eight hours. I was like, I get why they're always upset. You must've just gotten your hair done and sat there for 12 hours.

• 6:01Andrew Santino?

  And then afterwards, working at the DMV.

• 6:03Speaker 06

  The DMV is where everyone, just, their boyfriend just cheated on them. It's the worst place in the world. Everyone is always mad at the DMV. You don't, why are there no shootings at the DMV?

• 6:14Andrew Santino?

  There have been a couple of attempts, right? No, that's, post offices mostly where people shoot up. Has anybody shot at a DMV? I feel like you should, though. That is a place to go cap off.

• 6:22Speaker 06

  That's a great place. Take some drivers off the road.

• 6:24Andrew Santino?

  By the way, congratulations. New York is getting back to its old ways, shooting whites, shooting whites in mid-city now.

• 6:29Speaker 06

  I mean, it's nice, an Italian did it.

• 6:32Speaker 07

  There was one eight days ago.

• 6:34Andrew Santino?

  There was an eight days ago, there was a shooting at a DMV. Where?

• 6:36Speaker 06

  Where?

• 6:37Speaker 07

  I guess someone was charged in connection of the shooting death of DMV activist. Ah.

• 6:43Speaker 06

  What's a DMV activist?

• 6:44Speaker 07

  I don't know, this guy.

• 6:45Andrew Santino?

  You haven't joined?

• 6:46Speaker 06

  What is a DMV activist? Wait, what is a DMV activist?

• 6:49Andrew Santino?

  It's those of us that are fed up with the process and we just want, we just want change.

• 6:53Speaker 07

  Cornelius, Cornelius McDonald, DMV activist.

• 6:56Speaker 06

  That's either white or black. I don't know what that is.

• 6:58Andrew Santino?

  Cornelius is a guy from the south or a guy from Harlem.

• 7:01Speaker 06

  Right, but I don't know who it is.

• 7:03Andrew Santino?

  Imagine if it's a black guy from Har- a white guy from Harlem but a black guy from the south. It can go both.

• 7:08Speaker 06

  It can go both ways.

• 7:09Andrew Santino?

  This can spread all over.

• 7:10Speaker 06

  And both are bad. There's no, it's not good either way. Whatever it is, it's bad.

• 7:15Andrew Santino?

  Both of them are bad. This is, you're right. No, it's not gonna be good. What?

• 7:19Speaker 07

  It might be DMV like the, the area of America.

• 7:22Andrew Santino?

  What is DMV the area of America?

• 7:24Speaker 07

  Delaware, Maryland and Virginia.

• 7:25Speaker 06

  That's not the actual DMV?

• 7:27Speaker 07

  Yeah, I think that might be that DMV.

• 7:29Andrew Santino?

  Well, we'll have to cut that part out, you idiot.

• 7:31Speaker 06

  This is disappointing.

• 7:32Andrew Santino?

  Stupid idiot. You overpaid louse, you loser mole.

• 7:37Speaker 06

  What do you want to do with like your life?

• 7:40Andrew Santino?

  Hopefully jump off of something high. McCon, what do you want to do with your life?

• 7:45Speaker 07

  So I was originally hired by these guys to go on tour and film behind the scenes stuff because I, I do film stuff.

• 7:50Andrew Santino?

  Shut up, stop. He's a film school nerd. He wants to do, he wants to be a director instead.

• 7:53Speaker 07

  So I'm doing.

• 7:54Andrew Santino?

  He'll talk your ear off about, name one movie.

• 7:56Speaker 06

  He's not gonna talk to me. He's not talking my ear off.

• 7:58Andrew Santino?

  That's what I like. Shut up now.

• 8:00Speaker 06

  I'll just go, no thanks.

• 8:02Andrew Santino?

  He's very hittable, isn't he? Though he's cute, but he's very punchable.

• 8:04Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 8:05Andrew Santino?

  Yeah.

• 8:05Speaker 06

  He has a face you wanna punch.

• 8:07Andrew Santino?

  Imagine if he moved to New York. Well, I mean, he robbed.

• 8:09Speaker 06

  He would get punched by everyone.

• 8:10Andrew Santino?

  Everyone. The first week on the subway, you're getting robbed.

• 8:12Speaker 06

  They would just walk on you on the subway.

• 8:14Andrew Santino?

  Idiot. Loser idiot. Uh, back to reality. First of all, great Jays.

• 8:19Speaker 06

  Thank you.

• 8:20Andrew Santino?

  Love a Jordan. Love a Jo- love a Jordan on a girl. You know why? Because we can all wear them, who cares? But there's only certain girls that will wear them. And what kind of girls wear Jordans?

• 8:30Speaker 06

  Girls that fuck black guys.

• 8:31Andrew Santino?

  That's exactly right. Yes, that is exactly right. And you do.

• 8:34Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 8:34Andrew Santino?

  And God bless.

• 8:35Speaker 06

  What am I gonna do? You can't be racing the wrong.

• 8:37Andrew Santino?

  This is a black eye bat signal when you wear Jordans as a white girl.

• 8:40Speaker 06

  I'm, I'm hoping. That and the, and the fake.

• 8:42Andrew Santino?

  The hoop earrings, yes.

• 8:43Speaker 06

  The fake earrings? I'm going back to 1996.

• 8:46Andrew Santino?

  Well, that was the greatest time.

• 8:47Speaker 06

  It was a good year. Yeah.

• 8:49Andrew Santino?

  Bulls, baby. I'm from Chicago, so for me, that's, that was like my, my childhood was filled with championships and the convergence of hip-hop into pop culture. It was like the coolest thing in, in the world to me.

• 9:00Speaker 06

  Me and Michael Jordan have the same birthday.

• 9:04Andrew Santino?

  June, no.

• 9:05Speaker 06

  May, uh, February seventeenth.

• 9:06Andrew Santino?

  You don't even know your own birthday, that's so good.

• 9:08Speaker 06

  I've been talking so much today, who cares?

• 9:09Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, who gives a shit. Who'd you come from before this?

• 9:12Speaker 06

  Uh, Ryan Sickler.

• 9:13Andrew Santino?

  Love the sick dog.

• 9:14Speaker 06

  Yeah. His dog is so fucking cute.

• 9:16Andrew Santino?

  So cute. So cute. Did you get stoned? Do you get stoned?

• 9:19Speaker 06

  No.

• 9:20Andrew Santino?

  You don't ever get stoned?

• 9:20Speaker 06

  It goes good or bad, and there's no way to know how it's gonna go.

• 9:23Andrew Santino?

  Right. What's your vice?

• 9:25Speaker 06

  Hmm, like everything, a little bit of everything. I keep switching.

• 9:29Andrew Santino?

  Like was it ever-

• 9:30Speaker 06

  It'll be like food, it'll be alcohol, it'll be shopping, it'll be like guys, it's just like, I just, what's that say, you keep switching seats on the Titanic? That's like what addiction is?

• 9:40Andrew Santino?

  It is.

• 9:40Speaker 06

  Yeah, that's what, that's what I'm doing.

• 9:42Andrew Santino?

  What are you going through now?

• 9:44Speaker 06

  I think I'm just depressed right now.

• 9:45Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, same.

• 9:46Speaker 06

  Yeah, like being up during the day is tough.

• 9:49Andrew Santino?

  Are you a, you're a full sleeper? You're like, I sleep till two PM?

• 9:52Speaker 06

  Yeah, for sure.

• 9:54Andrew Santino?

  So you sleep all day and then you work all night, and then what time would you go to bed?

• 9:57Speaker 06

  Depends. I've been trying to get up earlier, but like sometimes I'll go to sleep three, four o'clock. I think I slept like two hours last night.

• 10:04Andrew Santino?

  You're like a tell, you're like the female Attell.

• 10:06Speaker 06

  Kind of. He seems so miserable too, and I guess that's me also.

• 10:10Andrew Santino?

  But he's not, though.

• 10:11Speaker 06

  He's not miserable?

• 10:12Andrew Santino?

  He's miserable like we're all sad, but he's beautiful, he is so in love with comedy that it's-

• 10:17Speaker 06

  He loves stand-up more than anyone I've ever met.

• 10:19Andrew Santino?

  I think it's so cool.

• 10:21Speaker 06

  Yeah, and I actually hate stand-up.

• 10:22Andrew Santino?

  You do? Well, please watch The Dark Queen right now on Netflix.

• 10:27Andrew Santino?

  We all hate stand-up, it's bullshit, but it's, it's the most, for moments of time, it's the most fun we've ever had in our life. It returns to like, one little thing from your childhood, where you're like, wow, I'll remember this forever. That's what stand-up feels like. Little glimmers of it.

• 10:41Speaker 06

  Do you love being on stage? Like, there are some comics that like, need to be on stage, they love it.

• 10:46Andrew Santino?

  No, I'm not Norman. I don't wanna like, do a gig, then go do a gig. You know, Nick Norman's notorious, he'll do a, he'll do a show, and then go find a local bar and be like, hey, can I pop on?

• 10:54Speaker 06

  I, that's actually a really good, that's a really good Norman.

• 10:57Andrew Santino?

  Hey, Italian Jew, what are you- Make you pasta, steal your money.

• 11:01Speaker 06

  That's fucking crazy. Um, I bet his wife will have a baby and he'll be like at an open mic.

• 11:05Andrew Santino?

  He's having a, he's having a baby soon and I guarantee he will.

• 11:08Speaker 06

  Right, he's gonna be like, "Oh, I just got five minutes."

• 11:09Andrew Santino?

  You gotta do a spot.

• 11:11Speaker 06

  How the fuck do you do that?

• 11:12Andrew Santino?

  He'll name the kid SD just to kiss the ring.

• 11:14Speaker 06

  Oh god.

• 11:15Andrew Santino?

  Hey, little SD came out, gotta do a spot, gotta do five. Quick, gotta type five. He's, uh, I don't know, because being around, we kind of are the same generation, him and I, so I can't do celebrities, like fame, you know when people do like, I can't do those. I can do people I know that I've heard enough over the years that it gets etched into my, because we...

• 11:35Speaker 06

  I think Mark's voice probably isn't that hard to do.

• 11:38Andrew Santino?

  You just said, "Go back here," and then it's more mannerism. It's more mannerism than anything. Yeah, he's like, "Gotta go," when he does that kind of stuff, yeah. He's a 90-year-old man.

• 11:51Andrew Santino?

  But I, I know what you mean. I don't love...

• 11:53Speaker 06

  Some people need to be on, on stage, you're like, "I love it." It's like, I'm on stage, I'm mostly uncomfortable the whole time.

• 11:58Andrew Santino?

  Yeah.

• 11:59Speaker 06

  I can't get, wait to get off.

• 12:00Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, yeah, I just wanna get, I just wanna get to the things I really wanted to get to, which most of the time, you know, you find this, the irony of like, when you, I'm sure on this special too, a joke that you kinda like does phenomenal, and a joke that you love is, does okay.

• 12:15Speaker 06

  Yeah, or like, people like the joke that you wouldn't think is that great.

• 12:18Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, that's almost all the time.

• 12:19Speaker 06

  Yeah, and then there's jokes that you love and no one really likes and you still keep doing them.

• 12:24Andrew Santino?

  Those are my favorite.

• 12:25Speaker 06

  I know, it's like, just for you.

• 12:26Andrew Santino?

  I have, I actually have two, two in the special I'm gonna record that are, he knows.

• 12:30Speaker 06

  It's just for you.

• 12:31Andrew Santino?

  People don't like them, but people, people are like, "Oh, yeah," and then I verbally have said, been like, that's, I like that.

• 12:38Speaker 06

  Yeah, you're like, "That one's for me."

• 12:39Andrew Santino?

  And I don't care that you don't like it at all, because people don't know how to feel about it. But I think that's the balance of the, it's like, we're giving you all of it, can I have some?

• 12:47Speaker 06

  Yeah, I mean, this is also something I really like. I thought of that joke you really like and this joke you don't also like.

• 12:52Andrew Santino?

  Right, right.

• 12:52Speaker 06

  They came from the same person.

• 12:53Andrew Santino?

  Isn't that nice?

• 12:54Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 12:55Andrew Santino?

  Where did you record Dark Queen?

• 12:56Speaker 06

  Um, in the cellar.

• 12:58Andrew Santino?

  Oh, you did McDougal?

• 13:00Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 13:00Andrew Santino?

  The best room on planet Earth?

• 13:01Speaker 06

  Yeah, the downstairs.

• 13:02Andrew Santino?

  I keep saying this to a lot of people because I started at the Comedy Store, so that's my home, but the Comedy Store, eh, the feeling that I have when I do the OR in the Comedy Store is the exact same when I do McDougal, because it's... It's, it's a bigger, are McDougal's 180, something like that?

• 13:18Speaker 06

  No, I think it's, I think it's 140.

• 13:19Andrew Santino?

  140?

• 13:20Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 13:20Andrew Santino?

  And OR, I think is, when it's max, it's like 225, but they usually put 2. So it's similar in size, but it's real low and dark.

• 13:28Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 13:28Andrew Santino?

  And it's so contained, that it feels like they're really with you.

• 13:32Speaker 06

  Do you like, a lot of people like the Village Underground better.

• 13:35Andrew Santino?

  No, no.

• 13:36Speaker 06

  I don't either.

• 13:37Andrew Santino?

  Opposite, opposite.

• 13:37Speaker 06

  Me neither, but everyone, that's where most people film.

• 13:40Speaker 01

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• 13:55Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, I get it, I, I like it, it's a nice room.

• 13:58Speaker 06

  And it's big, it's bigger.

• 13:59Andrew Santino?

  It's a great room, but it's also, um, it's a lot of pillars, which I said.

• 14:03Speaker 06

  Pillars are the worst for comedy.

• 14:04Andrew Santino?

  I said that to Liz, I'm like, "Lot of pillars."

• 14:06Speaker 06

  Yeah, it's not good for comedy.

• 14:07Andrew Santino?

  Hey, lot of pillars, what's going on here?

• 14:09Speaker 06

  That's so crazy.

• 14:09Andrew Santino?

  You guys building grease again, lot of pillars. Um, I feel like.

• 14:13Speaker 06

  That's so insane.

• 14:14Andrew Santino?

  I know. Sometimes I do it when I'm fucking my wife.

• 14:17Speaker 06

  And does she love it?

• 14:18Andrew Santino?

  Hates it.

• 14:19Speaker 06

  Hates it, I could see that.

• 14:21Andrew Santino?

  Hey, I'm gonna come.

• 14:24Andrew Santino?

  Okay, I gotta cut it out.

• 14:25Speaker 06

  It's actually so funny to me.

• 14:27Andrew Santino?

  I have to stop, it's so stupid.

• 14:28Speaker 06

  I know, but it's great, I'm like fascinated by it, they could do such a good Mark Normand.

• 14:32Andrew Santino?

  He's the one I could do, I don't, I can't do anybody, you know who's really, Soder can do, Soder's incredible.

• 14:37Speaker 06

  Soder's good too, yeah.

• 14:37Andrew Santino?

  He's a magician.

• 14:38Speaker 06

  He could do a lot of.

• 14:39Andrew Santino?

  Him and I tested SNL for the same year, and both lost to Pete Davidson. Shout out to Skinny Pete.

• 14:44Speaker 06

  Wow, that's nice.

• 14:46Andrew Santino?

  The kid got, well, he was a kid, he was like 19, Soder and I were like 32.

• 14:49Speaker 06

  Yeah, and also his dad died in 9/11, it's like, how do you not?

• 14:52Andrew Santino?

  Did he?

• 14:53Speaker 06

  Pete Davidson?

• 14:54Andrew Santino?

  Yeah.

• 14:54Speaker 06

  You don't know his dad died in 9/11?

• 14:56Andrew Santino?

  Never heard it. Can you imagine, the one guy that never heard that story? His dad died in 9/11! Well, that validates all those feelings that I had about him then.

• 15:03Speaker 06

  Wait, you did know?

• 15:04Andrew Santino?

  Of course.

• 15:04Speaker 06

  Oh, okay.

• 15:05Andrew Santino?

  Yeah.

• 15:05Speaker 06

  Cause that would be cool if you didn't know.

• 15:06Andrew Santino?

  Yeah.

• 15:07Speaker 06

  You just thought he got it, and beat you really bad.

• 15:09Andrew Santino?

  Naturally. No, he was very, he's a talented kid.

• 15:12Speaker 06

  He's very funny, yeah, but he is, but you're right, he is also 19.

• 15:14Andrew Santino?

  He was a child, and Lauren, verbatim, was like, "I don't think you're the puzzle piece that I'm looking for."

• 15:20Speaker 06

  You could've just said no. I don't need the puzzle piece thing.

• 15:23Andrew Santino?

  By the way, I flew back to New York. Like, I flew to LA, got a call, flew back to New York three days later.

• 15:28Speaker 06

  You flew back for him to tell you no?

• 15:30Andrew Santino?

  Yeah. Yeah, it was kinda notoriously funny to me. I was actually like, "That's so funny."

• 15:34Speaker 06

  It's hilarious.

• 15:35Andrew Santino?

  To fly me back out, put me back up at a hotel, have me come to like an eat- we were supposed to have lunch, then it was, then it was like, uh, supper time, you know what I mean? Like a 4pm, and then it turned into kinda like, "Come at 6" or something?

• 15:46Speaker 06

  And you're like, "I definitely didn't get it. What are we doing here?"

• 15:48Andrew Santino?

  100%.

• 15:49Speaker 06

  It's like, "Just come by at 10pm."

• 15:51Andrew Santino?

  Yeah. "Just come by when I'm in my car." Yeah, I valeted his car. "You're not the puzzle piece." No, it was a weird, but Sodi and I, it was, I was stoked to see him there because it made me feel comfortable. I was like, "Well, if he gets it, don't care."

• 16:04Speaker 06

  Right. Yeah, yeah.

• 16:05Andrew Santino?

  Cause I love Danny. And then, I knew Pete too. I met him when he was like 16 or whatever, and so when he got it, I thought, "Oh, that makes the most sense."

• 16:12Speaker 06

  Yeah, he's a child.

• 16:13Andrew Santino?

  He's like a handsome, young, cool kid. I was like, "Yeah, we were, I'm a burnt loser." So, anyway, uh, uh, Norman, uh, my Norman has come up in front of him and I don't think he likes it. I think he's okay with it, but I don't think he likes it.

• 16:27Speaker 06

  He doesn't love it.

• 16:28Andrew Santino?

  No.

• 16:29Speaker 06

  But a lot of people do it, too.

• 16:30Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, well, it's, it's, it's a cartoon.

• 16:32Speaker 06

  Right.

• 16:33Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, "Stop being a cartoon, I'll stop doing the voice."

• 16:35Speaker 06

  Wow. This got, this got deep.

• 16:38Andrew Santino?

  No, I love him to death.

• 16:39Speaker 06

  No, you can't.

• 16:40Andrew Santino?

  He knows I love him. You know I love you, Mark!

• 16:42Speaker 06

  No, you, you don't.

• 16:43Andrew Santino?

  Hey, I love you. Um, McDougal, McDougal is, to me, much better than, for people that don't know, that's the original Comedy Cellar Room, when you see... Like Louis, when he taped his show, was in McDougal, that wasn't in VU, right?

• 16:57Speaker 06

  No, it was McDougal.

• 16:58Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, that's why, and it just feels so close.

• 16:59Speaker 06

  I like that it's like, very tight, right? There's like, very low ceilings, it's a very, everyone's kinda on top of each other. That's kinda what you need.

• 17:07Andrew Santino?

  I had, uh, I was just there, I just saw you out there, and I had, I love those sets in McDougal, for some reason.

• 17:12Speaker 06

  Oh my god, that story with that girl with the french fry?

• 17:15Andrew Santino?

  With the french fries. I was just gonna bring that up. You said, did you see this?

• 17:17Speaker 06

  I know, you told me. You were, you were saying it, it was so funny.

• 17:20Andrew Santino?

  There was a one, there was, I, the weird, of all the like, heckles, cause I don't do a lot of crowd work, I just, not my thing, but I usually will avoid when an idiot is like, "Bosomayya!", and I just keep going, I keep going. I keep going, I keep going, unless it's like, dude, come on, come on, please.

• 17:35Speaker 06

  You're ruining this.

• 17:35Andrew Santino?

  Genuinely, cut it out. But this woman is sitting in the front row, like a 26-year-old, right, right in their 26, 29, and a late 30s guy who's in like a button-down, and she's kinda like, she looks very bohemian, she's like, very like relaxed, and she's picking up fries, looking at me, and feeding them to the man, like real nonchalant.

• 17:56Speaker 06

  Wait, I thought he was feeding her.

• 17:57Andrew Santino?

  Oh no, I'm sorry. She's feeding him, he's feeding her.

• 17:59Speaker 06

  I thought everything was a lie that I've learned.

• 18:01Andrew Santino?

  He's feeding her french fries. And, and, and I, it's in the first row, it's the two first people, and I had to be like, what, what is that? Are you a serial killer? I mean, it looked so creepy.

• 18:15Speaker 06

  It's such a crazy thing to be feeding somebody that's not a baby.

• 18:18Andrew Santino?

  It's just...

• 18:19Speaker 06

  In a comedy show.

• 18:20Andrew Santino?

  Oh, so gross. And then she, then I was like, what is going on? And then she immediately is like, fuck you. I was like, fuck me. Do you not know how crazy this is? And then finally, after I let it go, at the end of the set, I was like, you know I love you guys, fries are on me, I paid for the fries already, so have another basket to go, uh, because this is, I've enjoyed my experience meeting you. And I go, this must be just how you guys communicate love. And she goes, we just met. I was like, even, this makes it even worse.

• 18:46Speaker 06

  I like how you said he was dipping it in the ketchup first.

• 18:48Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, he, well, he do-

• 18:49Speaker 06

  That's very caring.

• 18:50Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, he did a little ketchup and gave it to her. But she was so like, um, relaxed, and you could tell, did not wanna go to it. He was like, I love comedy, we gotta go see a show. And she's like, comedy?

• 19:00Speaker 06

  I don't wanna go.

• 19:01Andrew Santino?

  I don't like comedy, where?

• 19:02Speaker 06

  He's like, I'll feed you, like a baby bird. I would've loved it if he was chewing them and then spitting it into her mouth.

• 19:07Andrew Santino?

  Now that, I would've been like, this guy's the king.

• 19:09Speaker 06

  The baby bird effect.

• 19:11Andrew Santino?

  Spitting in her mouth. But that room, to me, is unequivocally the most, like, you get the most, uh, yes and the most no, which I love.

• 19:20Speaker 06

  Yeah, it's a, it's a roller coaster. They're with you, and then you lose them, and then they're with you, and you lose them.

• 19:24Andrew Santino?

  Ooh, I love that. Where VU, you can get pockets, other rooms, you can get pockets of like, oh, those people really like it.

• 19:30Speaker 06

  Yeah, the VU's also very big, so I think if I'm like, not high-energy, it's hard to connect with the back of the room, 'cause I'm not like, on stage, like, dancing and shit, you know?

• 19:39Andrew Santino?

  You used to, that was your big act.

• 19:40Speaker 06

  I know, I had to stop doing it.

• 19:42Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, the dancing queen.

• 19:44Speaker 06

  I wish.

• 19:45Andrew Santino?

  Why did you stop? Yeah, you should've kept going, dude.

• 19:47Speaker 06

  I was doing too well.

• 19:48Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, you were crushing.

• 19:49Speaker 06

  I was like, I need to actually bomb a lot.

• 19:51Andrew Santino?

  People were, that was getting, the chatter was around town, they're like, Age, she needs to cut that shit out. When you were a kid, did they call you Age?

• 19:57Speaker 06

  Yes, Age, I had one guy that called me AIDS.

• 19:59Andrew Santino?

  AIDS. That's nice.

• 20:02Speaker 06

  I loved it.

• 20:03Andrew Santino?

  Yeah. When did that stop?

• 20:04Speaker 06

  The AIDS?

• 20:05Andrew Santino?

  AIDS joke.

• 20:07Speaker 06

  Um, it was a guy, it was only one guy that called me that.

• 20:10Andrew Santino?

  Yeah.

• 20:11Speaker 06

  And then he kinda stopped.

• 20:12Andrew Santino?

  Where's he?

• 20:14Speaker 06

  We still talk, you know, we like reconnect like 20 years later on Facebook, so like we've hung out a couple of times.

• 20:20Andrew Santino?

  Really?

• 20:20Speaker 06

  Yeah. We should just get married.

• 20:23Andrew Santino?

  You think?

• 20:24Speaker 06

  Why not?

• 20:25Andrew Santino?

  What's your, what's your... You've never been married?

• 20:29Speaker 06

  No.

• 20:30Andrew Santino?

  Who is your guy?

• 20:32Speaker 06

  I don't know.

• 20:33Andrew Santino?

  What does he feel like? Like, what's his gig?

• 20:35Speaker 06

  I need somebody that looks like they're from the Bronx, but they're not garbage. It's tough. It's a tough look. It's a tough look.

• 20:43Andrew Santino?

  What about Staten Island?

• 20:45Speaker 06

  I hate Italians. That's absolutely disgusting.

• 20:47Andrew Santino?

  Right, that's a no.

• 20:47Speaker 06

  That's a no. That's a definite no.

• 20:49Andrew Santino?

  Are your parents dead?

• 20:50Speaker 06

  My dad is, so I could date black guys.

• 20:52Andrew Santino?

  Good, yeah, that's good. You did bring a black guy to his funeral?

• 20:56Speaker 06

  To my dad's funeral? No, I wouldn't do that.

• 20:57Andrew Santino?

  That would've been so funny.

• 21:00Speaker 06

  I was, I was pretty young then.

• 21:02Andrew Santino?

  How old were you when your dad died?

• 21:03Speaker 06

  Twenty-two.

• 21:04Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, that's, that's tough.

• 21:06Speaker 06

  It's a young age.

• 21:06Andrew Santino?

  And then you started comedy around then?

• 21:08Speaker 06

  Twenty-six.

• 21:09Andrew Santino?

  Yeah. In New York. What gives you the balls to grow up in New York and then to go start comedy in New York? That's gotta be hard.

• 21:16Speaker 06

  My mom did stand-up when I was younger.

• 21:18Andrew Santino?

  Really?

• 21:19Speaker 06

  Like, on and off. She never did it like continuously. Yeah, me and my dad took the bus to go see her do it, like, she had a bringer show and we went to it. I didn't know it was a bringer show at the time, I'm like eighteen.

• 21:29Andrew Santino?

  Where was it? Like Dangerfield?

• 21:30Speaker 06

  Stand Up New York.

• 21:31Andrew Santino?

  Oh, Stand Up New York, yeah. That's so cool. What a memory though.

• 21:34Speaker 06

  It's really not.

• 21:34Andrew Santino?

  No? That's kinda cool though, your mom, like...

• 21:37Speaker 06

  Because if she was, she should've kept doing it so she could've just helped me.

• 21:41Andrew Santino?

  Right.

• 21:42Speaker 06

  I've just been doing comedy for twenty years and I'm still like nowhere.

• 21:45Andrew Santino?

  Thanks a lot, mom.

• 21:46Speaker 06

  Thanks for nothing.

• 21:47Andrew Santino?

  What, what year was this, that she was into comedy?

• 21:49Speaker 06

  I don't know, ninety-six?

• 21:51Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, that was like the time. That was like a right post-comedy boom of the eighties.

• 21:55Speaker 06

  It was so long ago that she told me like if she made it big, she was gonna get me a car with a phone in it.

• 22:01Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, I do, actually.

• 22:03Speaker 06

  And I was like, I'm gonna have a phone in my car.

• 22:05Andrew Santino?

  I'm gonna be, I'm gonna have, and now who could I call? Anybody for nine ninety-nine a minute?

• 22:09Speaker 06

  Yeah, anybody. But yeah, she just never did it. She like kept stopping.

• 22:14Andrew Santino?

  Did she go to work after that?

• 22:16Speaker 06

  What do you mean work?

• 22:17Andrew Santino?

  Did she have a job?

• 22:18Speaker 06

  No.

• 22:18Andrew Santino?

  Your mother never had a job?

• 22:19Speaker 06

  No.

• 22:20Andrew Santino?

  And your old man was-

• 22:20Speaker 06

  She was a waitress once in awhile.

• 22:22Andrew Santino?

  What was he?

• 22:23Speaker 06

  Uh, a mailman.

• 22:24Andrew Santino?

  Was he?

• 22:25Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 22:26Andrew Santino?

  Wow.

• 22:26Speaker 06

  It's like a really hard job to get.

• 22:28Andrew Santino?

  Is it?

• 22:29Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 22:29Andrew Santino?

  It's like taxi driver in London, you know that?

• 22:31Speaker 06

  It's like very, no, I was being sarcastic.

• 22:33Andrew Santino?

  Oh, I don't know, it could be.

• 22:35Speaker 06

  Really? To just hand mail out?

• 22:37Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, but pre- pre-Google Maps and assistance from cellphones, you had to like know streets.

• 22:42Speaker 06

  Yeah, but you have one, you have like a couple of streets and that's it. You keep doing that same thing over and over again.

• 22:47Andrew Santino?

  Because our old mailman from my neighborhood did, like my whole neighborhood, here, but I guess it's, LA is so big, I guess it's all spread out so they just-

• 22:57Speaker 06

  So my dad did it since he was like 18 years old and he worked in the hood because it was easier to do a lot of buildings in the hood that have to travel and walk a lot. So he would rather risk his life.

• 23:08Andrew Santino?

  Yeah.

• 23:09Speaker 06

  Like what?

• 23:10Andrew Santino?

  God, imagine the amount of eviction notices he handed out, huh?

• 23:12Speaker 06

  A ton of that.

• 23:13Andrew Santino?

  God.

• 23:14Speaker 06

  Garner, I would, I guess maybe not wage garnishments who's working. But like just-

• 23:18Andrew Santino?

  Everything was a past due bill?

• 23:19Speaker 06

  Yeah, he would see like, he was like, I'd see a gun in there and drugs and shit. But like his, the people that like he was working there for so long, that the people that like in that little community loved him so much and they came to visit him in the hospital. All these little black ladies, old little black, and they got him like beloved ma- mailman like flowers and stuff. It was really sweet.

• 23:40Andrew Santino?

  What was his nickname? They gotta give him a nickname.

• 23:42Speaker 06

  Apo, A-P-P-O.

• 23:43Andrew Santino?

  Apo! Here come Apple baby.

• 23:46Speaker 06

  Yeah, that's, that's what my mom used to scream.

• 23:48Andrew Santino?

  Here come Apple baby.

• 23:50Speaker 06

  Apo's coming.

• 23:51Andrew Santino?

  My dad was a contractor and worked, for the most of my childhood, I remember he would, when he was not in prison, he was, he was-

• 23:58Speaker 06

  Was your dad really in prison? For what?

• 24:00Andrew Santino?

  Drugs.

• 24:01Speaker 06

  Oh, he was doing drugs?

• 24:03Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, he was dabbling in the culture.

• 24:05Speaker 06

  Was he selling them?

• 24:06Andrew Santino?

  Sure.

• 24:07Speaker 06

  No, seriously, yeah.

• 24:08Andrew Santino?

  What, are you a cop?

• 24:09Speaker 06

  I don't know, I love that he's working.

• 24:11Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, he was, yeah. He was involved in the world of drugs.

• 24:14Speaker 06

  Okay.

• 24:14Andrew Santino?

  And crime, I, you know, I imagine. Um, but I'll never get the truth. Do you know what I mean? I'll never hear the real story.

• 24:19Speaker 06

  Why? Is he dead?

• 24:21Andrew Santino?

  No, he's alive. We don't, I don't know him really well.

• 24:24Speaker 06

  Oh, okay.

• 24:24Andrew Santino?

  I do and I don't, you know what I mean? Like, uh, we've reconnected as adults, but my whole childhood, he was in prison. So like, I don't, it was kind of a, my parents split when I was one. But my dad used to work, when I would go with him on runs, he'd be like, you wanna work with me today? And you know, what a sad thing to do to a child. No, I'd rather, I wanna go to the park, but like, sure, I'll go.

• 24:40Speaker 06

  But you're, you're a working one-year-old?

• 24:43Andrew Santino?

  No, no, no. When I was like, seven or eight, he used to take me out. But he would use me as like, a cute little redheaded pawn.

• 24:49Speaker 06

  I mean, why else do you have a redheaded kid?

• 24:51Andrew Santino?

  I know. Or to just, you know, or to sell it. But he would go to the west side and the south side of Chicago. He would go to the neighborhoods that a lot of these guys would refuse to go to. Because he created a rapport with them, because he had balls. He just didn't give a shit. My dad was kind of a larger-than-life guy. Tall, big, strong. He didn't care. And they loved him. But here come Richie, here go Richie. Richie, where your little man at? Where that little opie-looking boy at? I used to hear that all the time. Here come Richie with a little opie. Opie Taylor is such a specific reference. Yeah. But they loved me, and I'd go around, he'd be like, oh, Miss Johnson, you know, Andrew, come here, come say hi to Miss Johnson, you know? And he would do their kitchens, but he loved working the hood, because a lot of those guys, I think, wouldn't, I think people just didn't want to. And they were like, I'm not going down there.

• 25:35Speaker 06

  Right, but it's like, if they love you, they love you.

• 25:37Andrew Santino?

  Oh, they fucked with him, big time. And he was very connected. People knew him in the community. And I think my grandfather did similar stuff, so it just led him down the

• 25:46Speaker 06

  Right.

• 25:46Andrew Santino?

  You know, it's like, oh, this is a way to like, really make real money. That's what he used to, he's like, they got money too, buddy. He used to say that all the time.

• 25:53Speaker 06

  What?

• 25:53Andrew Santino?

  Yeah.

• 25:54Speaker 06

  How come nobody knows this?

• 25:57Andrew Santino?

  Go take their money!

• 25:58Speaker 06

  Spread the word!

• 25:59Andrew Santino?

  No, but he would go, that was, I, I've, I remember thinking like, and my mom would be like, where'd you go with your dad? Like, we were on the west side all day. She's like, ah.

• 26:10Speaker 01

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• 26:25Andrew Santino?

  Putting you in those situations, that's where all they get, because all, the west side, at least back then especially, was a very tough part of Chicago. Like, just... Rough, like where the bulls play is maybe-

• 26:36Speaker 06

  But also, nobody's gonna harm him because you don't wanna kill a white guy, because they're gonna come.

• 26:41Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, you don't wanna kill a white guy, they'll find out.

• 26:44Speaker 06

  Right, and they're gonna investigate.

• 26:45Andrew Santino?

  And you don't want, that's why he brought me. I am the sa- that's another safety net.

• 26:49Speaker 06

  That's smart of him.

• 26:50Andrew Santino?

  Did you ever do a route with your dad?

• 26:51Speaker 06

  Uh, my dad used to gamble a lot, so I would go, I would do that with him, yeah.

• 26:55Andrew Santino?

  Me too.

• 26:56Speaker 06

  He's a big gambler.

• 26:56Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, we used to go to the, we used to go to the, my grandfather was a, uh, a gambler who worked at the dog track.

• 27:03Speaker 06

  The dog track?

• 27:04Andrew Santino?

  I know.

• 27:05Speaker 06

  My dad was the horse track.

• 27:06Andrew Santino?

  Well, he did both. I mean, he worked at Arlington and then-

• 27:09Speaker 06

  I'm sure my dad would've bet on like pigeons, yeah, anything.

• 27:11Andrew Santino?

  They do, they bet on turtle races.

• 27:12Speaker 06

  Yeah, he could bet on anything.

• 27:13Andrew Santino?

  But, uh, I said that this morning to somebody that, like OTB.

• 27:17Speaker 06

  OTB, that was there all the time.

• 27:19Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, all the time, all the time.

• 27:20Speaker 06

  I smelled like smoke, like I hung out at a bar all night.

• 27:22Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, my mom used to make me, when I came home, my mother would make me take off my clothes in the garage. It was so, like demeaning. She'd be like, "You stink. Take off your-" so I'd have to get naked in the garage.

• 27:32Speaker 06

  Were you ever like, "Hey mom, why don't you just hang out with me so I don't have to go?"

• 27:35Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, no. She's like, "Some of us have to work."

• 27:38Speaker 06

  Oh, okay, she worked.

• 27:39Andrew Santino?

  Andrew, my, yeah.

• 27:40Speaker 06

  My mom wasn't even working. We were going with him and she was just doing nothing.

• 27:43Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, but they were together.

• 27:45Speaker 06

  My parents? Yeah.

• 27:46Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, my parents were together. So when I'd come back to my mom's house- She like loathed the smell of Winston cigarettes and that's all. I smelled like cloth car seats and Winston cigarette. When, when, when the sun bakes on a cloth car seat in a Cutlass, and those cigarettes seep into your clothes.

• 28:01Speaker 06

  Those cigarettes are so gross.

• 28:02Andrew Santino?

  Yeah.

• 28:02Speaker 06

  I think that's why you feel hungover, could that smell.

• 28:05Andrew Santino?

  The smell does it to you. You never smoked.

• 28:08Speaker 06

  I did when I was drinking. I mean, you, the next day you're like, you smell so gross.

• 28:12Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, but the, but it tastes so good when you're doing it.

• 28:14Speaker 06

  Sure, just chain smoking. Like one here, one here.

• 28:17Andrew Santino?

  What was your cigarette?

• 28:18Speaker 06

  Um, Newport's.

• 28:20Andrew Santino?

  You're really sticking to the theme.

• 28:23Speaker 06

  Listen, I like what I like. What are you gonna do?

• 28:26Andrew Santino?

  And get my girl a Hennessy right quick. That's so fucking great, dude. Stay in line. Stay where you belong. I like that. Newport's is so funny.

• 28:33Speaker 06

  I would smoke anything, but I think that's what I would just get. I don't know.

• 28:37Andrew Santino?

  What, like, did you, when you were in high school, when you were young in the Bronx, were you cool or, or no?

• 28:43Speaker 06

  I was cool, but I went to an all-girls school. So it's like, there's not really like a cool, not cool thing.

• 28:48Andrew Santino?

  A uniform?

• 28:48Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 28:49Andrew Santino?

  How stupid is that shit?

• 28:51Speaker 06

  It's so dumb.

• 28:51Andrew Santino?

  It's the dumbest, it's, does it make any sense?

• 28:53Speaker 06

  It, listen, it saves time though, where you don't have to think about what you're gonna wear every day, but it is stupid.

• 28:58Andrew Santino?

  I guess it's good for the predators, you know what I mean?

• 29:01Speaker 06

  Yeah, if you're wearing a skirt.

• 29:02Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, they all look the same. That's why they do that, I imagine. Especially Catholic.

• 29:05Speaker 06

  So that you could see up girls' dresses?

• 29:07Andrew Santino?

  Yeah.

• 29:07Speaker 06

  Is that why? Probably.

• 29:08Andrew Santino?

  The predators made it easy, yeah. Is it, is Catholic school?

• 29:10Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 29:11Andrew Santino?

  God bless. You're not, you're, you're out, though.

• 29:14Speaker 06

  I'm very in. I'm very Catholic.

• 29:16Andrew Santino?

  You go to church?

• 29:17Speaker 06

  I pray all the time. I pray all the time.

• 29:20Andrew Santino?

  Why did they lose all of us?

• 29:22Speaker 06

  It's just boring.

• 29:24Andrew Santino?

  That's a big part of it.

• 29:25Speaker 06

  Boring, like, I think if I was raised in the black church, I would probably have stayed.

• 29:30Andrew Santino?

  Much more exciting.

• 29:31Speaker 06

  Much more fun.

• 29:32Andrew Santino?

  But now you see these new age white churches try to be like the black churches?

• 29:35Speaker 06

  I know. He's saying that.

• 29:37Andrew Santino?

  Fail. Yeah, it doesn't work. They're awful.

• 29:38Speaker 06

  It's not as fun. But also, there's not a lot of sing- I don't think the singing and dancing is as good. At the white church.

• 29:45Andrew Santino?

  No chance.

• 29:45Speaker 06

  So that's why at the black church it's fun.

• 29:48Andrew Santino?

  The black church is fun because you're allowed to express. A white church is like, we sing, but also, let's not yell out.

• 29:55Speaker 06

  And we're not singing that well.

• 29:56Andrew Santino?

  And we're not singing that well.

• 29:57Speaker 06

  We're not dancing that well, we're not dancing that well either.

• 30:00Andrew Santino?

  The singing isn't that good. So please sing along with us. That was my, I hated going to church and having to sing.

• 30:05Speaker 06

  I was in the choir, I think.

• 30:07Andrew Santino?

  You were?

• 30:08Speaker 06

  I didn't, I mean, I didn't have a good voice. I think I just got pushed into it.

• 30:11Andrew Santino?

  But your mom was like, you have to do it.

• 30:13Speaker 06

  I don't know. My mom would always get us into activities.

• 30:17Andrew Santino?

  And you didn't want to do any of them?

• 30:19Speaker 06

  I liked some of it, but like, we were in dan- we were in ballet and tap and jazz. I did all that dumb bullshit.

• 30:24Andrew Santino?

  Yeah.

• 30:25Speaker 06

  It was okay. I did sports.

• 30:27Andrew Santino?

  What sport?

• 30:29Speaker 06

  Um, softball, volleyball, basketball. I wasn't like, great at all them, but I would just, my sister did nothing.

• 30:36Andrew Santino?

  Did you ever have a touch of the gay back then, when you were playing all those sports?

• 30:39Speaker 06

  No.

• 30:39Andrew Santino?

  You're close.

• 30:40Speaker 06

  I mean, I looked very gay.

• 30:41Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, you're right there.

• 30:42Speaker 06

  You know what, I did see a girl the other day that looked like a dude, and I was like, I am somewhat attracted to her, but like, I wouldn't eat the dick. So it's like, I don't think I'm gay.

• 30:52Speaker 03

  In here, we pour whiskey.

• 30:55Andrew Santino?

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• 31:40Andrew Santino?

  Shout out. I love the bourbon leather. That's my favorite smell because I look like I smell like that. People look at that guy, they go bourbon and baseball gloves. That's what he looks like. It's proven to control odor better than a shower with soap alone clinically. Okay. With Mando, the average grundle odor lover is a zero out of 10. The Mando Starter Pack is great for new customers. It comes with a solid stick deodorant, cream tube deodorant. Two free products of your choice like mini body wash and deodorant wipes. And free shipping as a special offer for our listeners. New customers are getting $5 off a starter pack with our exclusive code. That equates to over 40% off your starter pack with the code WHISKY, you know it, at shopmando.com. That's S-H-O-P-M-A-N-D-O dot com. Please support our show and tell them we sent you. Smell fresher, stay drier and boost your confidence from head to toe with Mando.

• 32:24Andrew Santino?

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• 33:07Andrew Santino?

  My boy Trav, Travie Kels, he's gonna have more, less than five catches. Who knows? You may. But PrizePicks is the place to pick more or less for your fave players and see yourself winning some cash. Download the app today. Use the code WHISKY to get $50 instantly after you play your first $5 lineup. You heard it. Download that app right now and use the code WHISKY. Whiskey. To get $50 instantly after you play your first $5 lineup. PrizePicks, run your game.

• 33:46Speaker 01

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• 34:01Speaker 06

  If you were in prison for the rest of your life, would you fuck someone? Like you're there for the rest of your life, you might as well lean in.

• 34:06Andrew Santino?

  Prison for the rest of my life?

• 34:08Speaker 06

  I'm definitely getting a girlfriend.

• 34:09Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, but you're, but you're, you are domineering enough where someone's gonna obey you.

• 34:15Speaker 06

  Oh, I'm not going down on chicks, though.

• 34:16Andrew Santino?

  You don't have to.

• 34:17Speaker 06

  They're gonna go down on me.

• 34:18Andrew Santino?

  No, you're top dog. You don't have to.

• 34:19Speaker 06

  But if you're the dyke, doesn't that mean you have to do the eating out?

• 34:24Andrew Santino?

  In there, you can do whatever you want. There, there's no rules.

• 34:27Speaker 06

  There's no rules?

• 34:28Andrew Santino?

  No, well, there's, there's, there's standards. And they have, they have upkeep, but I think you, you choose what you want. In the women's prison...

• 34:37Speaker 06

  I still think, isn't there rape in the women's prison? It's just not as bad.

• 34:41Andrew Santino?

  Probably more than there is in men's prison.

• 34:43Speaker 06

  But women on women rape?

• 34:44Andrew Santino?

  Yeah.

• 34:44Speaker 06

  It's just fingering. It's like nearly, still nearly not as bad as dick rape.

• 34:49Andrew Santino?

  Or stuff, or toys. Or things they find.

• 34:53Speaker 06

  Like a shoe?

• 34:54Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, shoe. Just a Reebok size nine.

• 34:57Speaker 06

  Meh. The white Reeboks, the old ones?

• 35:00Andrew Santino?

  The old school one. He's probably got them on right now.

• 35:03Speaker 06

  Those are so dirty.

• 35:04Andrew Santino?

  Yeah.

• 35:05Speaker 07

  Yeah, they're really bad.

• 35:06Speaker 06

  That's like crazy. How much?

• 35:07Andrew Santino?

  It's embarrassing.

• 35:08Speaker 06

  Oh my god, this is, this is your guy?

• 35:10Andrew Santino?

  I told you, I told you, we don't pay him.

• 35:13Speaker 06

  But like, come on.

• 35:14Andrew Santino?

  No, I wasn't kidding.

• 35:15Speaker 06

  Those shoes are terrible.

• 35:15Andrew Santino?

  No, but he doesn't deserve shit.

• 35:17Speaker 06

  Wow.

• 35:18Andrew Santino?

  How much money were you making at 25?

• 35:20Speaker 06

  I was not making a lot of money.

• 35:20Andrew Santino?

  Okay, so case in point, he's getting more than you, all of us were ever making at 25.

• 35:25Speaker 06

  I worked at the DA's office as a crimes victim advocate, I was making 27.5.

• 35:29Andrew Santino?

  No way. As a crimes vic, crimes victim advocate?

• 35:32Speaker 06

  Yeah, so if you were the victim of crime and like say something happened to you, I would advocate on your behalf to like... One guy was, uh, he got shot by accident.

• 35:43Speaker 06

  They thought he was somebody else.

• 35:44Andrew Santino?

  Okay.

• 35:45Speaker 06

  Which I think happens a lot.

• 35:46Andrew Santino?

  All the time.

• 35:47Speaker 06

  Um, and he was like shitting in colostomy bags and he didn't have money to get more bags and he didn't have insurance. So I was like, working to get him more colostomy bags because his girlfriend was just taking the shit out. And then reusing his colostomy bag. And that's like a kind of love that I don't have.

• 36:04Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, no chance.

• 36:05Speaker 06

  You're actually on your own.

• 36:06Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, that's it. I'm not taking that.

• 36:08Speaker 06

  I'm out.

• 36:09Andrew Santino?

  People do get shot a lot on accident.

• 36:11Speaker 06

  Yeah, they think you're someone else.

• 36:14Andrew Santino?

  The, the, uh, the nonchalantness of it. My, my childhood best friend told me a story that made me laugh so hard. He was on the subway in Chicago. And, uh, it's like the afternoon. It's like the, you know, the, the, the afternoon rush. And he's on the train and he sees this guy who sees another friend of his and he goes, oh, what's, hey, what's up? He's like, what's going on? And he's like, hey man, whatever happened to, um, and he named some guy's name, you know, he's like, what happened to Tasio? He's like, oh man, he got shot. And he was like, damn, he got shot? And he goes, what happened? And the guy turns around and he just goes, it was a dispute. And then turned back.

• 36:48Andrew Santino?

  To this day, it's one of my favorites.

• 36:50Speaker 06

  That is the favorite thing to say, it was a dispute.

• 36:52Andrew Santino?

  But he was so calm. He goes, he's holding onto the pole and he, because the guy's over his shoulder like behind him. He, it was a dispute. And they're just face forward like it never happened.

• 36:58Speaker 06

  That is so funny to me.

• 37:00Andrew Santino?

  And the other guy was like, mm, like he understood completely.

• 37:02Speaker 06

  Oh, I, I know what happened there.

• 37:03Andrew Santino?

  Just a dispute dude. And that's what happens. There's disputes. I remember seeing a guy get robbed on the subway. I put it in like my first album and he like looked at me and I was a kid.

• 37:12Speaker 06

  For like help?

• 37:13Andrew Santino?

  You just looked at me as if like, tell someone do something, you know? And I was like, no.

• 37:18Speaker 06

  Get out of here.

• 37:19Andrew Santino?

  I, I faced forward immediately. I was like, no, I'm not gonna, I'm gonna, I, it was happening right next to me. I was like, mm-mm, no way.

• 37:24Speaker 06

  But that's what happens in New York too. Somebody will be getting like the shit kicked out of them. You just keep walking.

• 37:28Andrew Santino?

  You don't have a choice.

• 37:29Speaker 06

  In New York, you have to like, or wherever, you have to just like, I had a boyfriend that was like, don't get in anyone's world. I would like do that where I would just, I would see an injustice. I'm like in their face. He's like, don't get in their world. And now you're just like.

• 37:42Andrew Santino?

  Could you imagine you are in that world, then you become a?

• 37:45Speaker 06

  I'm coming out of the cellar and this girl and this guy are like fighting and this guy takes this girl and he slams her head on the fucking car. So I get it. I'm like, what the fuck are you doing? And he goes, oh, we're filming a sketch. There's a, there's a camera right there. And I'm like, yeah, man, don't like do that in the village. That's crazy.

• 38:06Speaker 06

  You just slammed her head on the fucking, and then also I was like, what was I gonna do? Like, just go to your fucking car and leave.

• 38:12Andrew Santino?

  Just go to your car.

• 38:13Speaker 06

  Cause he, what's gonna happen? She's gonna stay with him anyway.

• 38:16Andrew Santino?

  That's gonna be every-

• 38:16Speaker 06

  I don't even know them.

• 38:17Andrew Santino?

  All domestic violence now. Officer, we're filming a sketch.

• 38:20Speaker 06

  I mean, there were people filming it, but who knows? Maybe they were filming because she was getting beat.

• 38:24Andrew Santino?

  Right. Everyone pulls their phone out now.

• 38:25Speaker 06

  Right.

• 38:26Andrew Santino?

  You see that more often than anything. When I see something going bad, last night on the way home, there was a gentleman, I felt so bad. There was a guy, um, uh, he's motorcycle had hit the back of this guy's car. So obviously, it was, it wasn't like, wasn't death, but he got smoked and he was across the street and he was laying down. And the amount of people outside filming was crazy. I was like, that's, what is that gonna do? But that's gonna get TikTok views for them or whatever it is.

• 38:54Speaker 06

  I mean, could you imagine like there was all this technology during the Holocaust and people are just filming it?

• 38:58Andrew Santino?

  There was. There really was.

• 39:01Speaker 06

  There was. That'd be so crazy.

• 39:04Andrew Santino?

  Just reel to reel. Well, they do have, they do have old film footage of the Holocaust. They do. It's online. You can see some of it online.

• 39:13Speaker 07

  A lot of it though was like when American troops were-

• 39:16Andrew Santino?

  Yeah. But none of it made it to TikTok, which is annoying, you know?

• 39:19Speaker 06

  I mean, how do we get it on TikTok?

• 39:20Andrew Santino?

  Holocaust TikTok, where is that?

• 39:22Speaker 06

  I did a joke about Hunter Biden. They were like, this goes against our community standards. We're gonna leave the video up, but silence it. So now it's just on there and I'm like-

• 39:32Andrew Santino?

  But the words are up.

• 39:33Speaker 06

  No!

• 39:34Andrew Santino?

  Oh, you didn't even put the words up?

• 39:35Speaker 06

  I don't think I even had the words up on it.

• 39:36Andrew Santino?

  That's why we do the words in case they try to silence us.

• 39:38Speaker 06

  I don't remember.

• 39:39Andrew Santino?

  In case Elon tries to silence us.

• 39:44Speaker 06

  I'm so bad at all social media.

• 39:46Andrew Santino?

  Who's good at it?

• 39:47Speaker 06

  A lot of people. A lot of people are really good at it.

• 39:50Andrew Santino?

  I'm, I'm, I think I'm pretty bad, eh? Am I-

• 39:53Speaker 07

  You don't really try though.

• 39:55Andrew Santino?

  I don't go for it.

• 39:56Speaker 06

  Wow. He just told you you don't try.

• 39:58Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, no, I don't at social media. I'm not good at, well, because I'm admittedly not good at it, so I don't do good at it.

• 40:03Speaker 07

  Yeah.

• 40:04Andrew Santino?

  So I don't. I've tried, I've, but it's bad.

• 40:08Speaker 06

  I'm just posting videos and I'm like, I don't know what I'm really supposed to be doing here.

• 40:12Andrew Santino?

  Well, you're a comic, so-

• 40:14Speaker 06

  Yeah, but a lot of people like know how to do it. They're in the algor-, like, everyone keeps saying the algorithm keeps changing and I'm like, I have no idea what I'm doing.

• 40:21Andrew Santino?

  But that's as good if you stay in your lane, it'll come right back to you.

• 40:24Speaker 06

  It's not coming back. It's been 20 years.

• 40:27Andrew Santino?

  You have a special on fucking Netflix right now.

• 40:28Speaker 06

  It doesn't mean anything.

• 40:29Andrew Santino?

  It means a lot.

• 40:30Speaker 06

  To who?

• 40:31Andrew Santino?

  To me.

• 40:32Speaker 06

  You already have your own specials on Netflix.

• 40:34Andrew Santino?

  Who cares?

• 40:36Speaker 06

  You're not the person I need to impress. I need to impress... I need somebody that's gonna come out to my shows.

• 40:42Andrew Santino?

  They come out to the shows.

• 40:43Speaker 06

  I don't know, cuz they told me... So I didn't know that they give you your numbers.

• 40:46Andrew Santino?

  They do.

• 40:47Speaker 06

  They give you your 10-day and 28-day numbers, so I'm like, okay. I was surprised cuz I have no following. At all.

• 40:53Andrew Santino?

  What do you mean, you're surprised that they give you the numbers?

• 40:55Speaker 06

  I'm surprised that... I was surprised at the number of people that have watched it.

• 40:58Andrew Santino?

  Right.

• 40:59Speaker 06

  And I'm like, that is not reflected on social media.

• 41:01Andrew Santino?

  Right.

• 41:02Speaker 06

  So how do those people ever come see you?

• 41:06Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, I don't know. Well, I mean...

• 41:07Speaker 06

  They don't.

• 41:08Andrew Santino?

  They don't.

• 41:08Speaker 06

  Right.

• 41:09Andrew Santino?

  Sorry. No, they do. But the more...

• 41:12Speaker 06

  Don't lie to me.

• 41:12Andrew Santino?

  The more you push it, the more you talk about it, the more it gets into the zeitgeist of the world of comedy.

• 41:17Speaker 06

  Hmm, maybe.

• 41:19Andrew Santino?

  And it's good, and you're very funny. You're very funny. I mean, I...

• 41:22Speaker 06

  Well, thank you.

• 41:23Andrew Santino?

  You know.

• 41:23Speaker 06

  But you do say that about everyone.

• 41:25Andrew Santino?

  No, I don't. Do I say everyone? No, I don't say everyone's funny. I just won't. I won't say it if I don't think they're funny.

• 41:30Speaker 06

  Really?

• 41:30Andrew Santino?

  Well, I just will just ta-talk.

• 41:32Speaker 06

  You're just like, "Hey, I think you're great."

• 41:34Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, you're great. Yeah, they're great. Or they're cool.

• 41:36Speaker 06

  Do you never tell anyone you think they're funny? Even like, you've never been in a situation where you're like, "Oh, good set," and someone had like a terrible set?

• 41:42Andrew Santino?

  I'll be honest and say that I don't say that. I don't do the good set thing.

• 41:45Speaker 06

  Okay.

• 41:46Andrew Santino?

  Very rarely. If I see you do a good set, I will come up to you and say like, "Dude, I loved that," blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.

• 41:52Speaker 06

  Right. Or you could say, "You were having so much fun." That's a nice way of not saying good set.

• 41:57Andrew Santino?

  Weren't you up there having fun?

• 41:58Speaker 06

  Man, you just really had a lot of fun up there.

• 42:00Andrew Santino?

  Fun, weren't you?

• 42:01Speaker 06

  You were fucking that stool and you loved it.

• 42:03Andrew Santino?

  You're just a fun, you're just a fun, fun, fun, fun comic.

• 42:05Speaker 06

  So I haven't seen people fucking stool in a while where now I almost think it's funny.

• 42:09Andrew Santino?

  It's funny if it's someone that you wouldn't expect. Like, if Ryan Hamilton did it, I'd be like, "This is gonna crush."

• 42:13Speaker 06

  Oh, my God, that'd be amazing.

• 42:14Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, do you know what I mean? If someone like that did it? Hamilton did a bit the other night that I'm not gonna do cuz it's his stuff, but...

• 42:19Speaker 06

  He's so funny.

• 42:20Andrew Santino?

  God, he's beyond. He's one of my favorite people to watch. I think he's so... He sits in the pocket very well. In a way that like, I get flustered sometimes. I can feel myself being like, "Ugh, get out." But he'll sit in something that's... You know, kinda like working and working through it. I I'm not as good at that. I get nervous and I'm like, get out and do something else.

• 42:39Speaker 06

  So you'll just abandon a joke?

• 42:41Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, if it's just kinda mediocre and I think the next tag isn't even that good, I'm like, whatever.

• 42:45Speaker 06

  Whatever.

• 42:46Andrew Santino?

  I'll just move on. Yeah, I ju- I I ha- I don't love, like, some people are so comfortable in the silence. No, man, I'm not good.

• 42:54Speaker 06

  Yeah, that probably forces you to write better jokes.

• 42:56Andrew Santino?

  More, just more. It's like, you better have something else.

• 42:59Speaker 06

  Right.

• 42:59Andrew Santino?

  If that thing is weak and I'm doing four sets in a row, you know, out in New York, because I also get so threatened when I come to New York that I'm like, you better do good, dude, because you don't even live, you don't live here.

• 43:09Speaker 06

  I can't, I guess that's how I feel when I come out here, though.

• 43:11Andrew Santino?

  Same thing. Yeah, we have that anxiety of like, you better do good, you don't live here. They don't see you all the time. Your friends that, people that see you all the time at the Cellar, or people that see us at the store, it doesn't matter.

• 43:19Speaker 06

  It doesn't matter. We ever like bomb and it's so fun because your friends are there watching you just bomb?

• 43:23Andrew Santino?

  One of my favorites. If the night is also bad, like the crowd's bad, the night's bad, the other comics were doing terrible, that's, those are the best nights.

• 43:30Speaker 06

  And you just go up and you're only playing to them.

• 43:32Andrew Santino?

  Right, and then you can tell really wild bullshit.

• 43:34Speaker 06

  Oh, yeah.

• 43:35Andrew Santino?

  That's never gonna make it out.

• 43:36Speaker 06

  They just hate you so much.

• 43:38Andrew Santino?

  Yeah. Those nights are really, like, those nights are my favorite OR nights when, in the original room, it's half-full, it's a Wednesday, it's off. It might be just after like a holiday, you know, where it was like a three-day weekend, nobody wants to be there. They were like paper tickets, you know, that they're handing out on Sunset.

• 43:53Speaker 06

  Oh, that's the worst, yeah.

• 43:54Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, do they, do they hand out anything at the Cellar or no?

• 43:58Speaker 06

  They don't hand out stuff at the Cellar, but the Cellar now does this thing where like, they have a QR code, so if you're unhappy about something, people are like saying stuff.

• 44:07Andrew Santino?

  What, you mean they can comment about the comics?

• 44:08Speaker 06

  Yeah, like.

• 44:10Andrew Santino?

  Fuck that.

• 44:10Speaker 06

  Yeah, they'll be like, if you have any like questions or concerns or like, let us know what your experience has been like, and that was not always the case, and I think people who will just be upset by a joke. Like, I had one set where I left there and I go, that's gonna be a problem. It was just too many jokes and upset too, I just knew it was gonna, and it was a problem.

• 44:28Andrew Santino?

  What was the thing that you, what, you don't have to say the joke, but what's the topic?

• 44:31Speaker 06

  I don't even care. Like, uh, I think it, it was a, it was a dark set, and then I went into like the Middle East and some girl in the audience went, next, and I couldn't let that go.

• 44:43Speaker 06

  I couldn't let that go.

• 44:44Andrew Santino?

  No.

• 44:44Speaker 06

  And then when that happens, I like, dig a deeper hole.

• 44:48Andrew Santino?

  Yeah.

• 44:48Speaker 06

  Like, I'll just keep going.

• 44:50Andrew Santino?

  Go deeper and deeper with her?

• 44:51Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 44:51Andrew Santino?

  About the Middle East or about her?

• 44:53Speaker 06

  I did the Middle East, and then I kind of went on a thing where I was like, are you trying to silence me? I'm like a white woman, I'm trans, I'm diabetic. Like, I just went on that whole thing, that upset her. And I was just upset. And then after, I think I doubled down on like a school shooting joke. Like, I just was so annoyed.

• 45:09Andrew Santino?

  Dig deep.

• 45:10Speaker 06

  Yeah, and when I listened, because when Esti was like, we should have a talk, and I was like, huh.

• 45:16Speaker 06

  I was like, what? Just like, tell me. And that's the worst thing too, when she like, emails you and you're like, just tell me, don't make me like, have anxiety for three weeks till I see you.

• 45:23Andrew Santino?

  Right, just say what I did wrong.

• 45:24Speaker 06

  And she was like, it's nothing bad. I was like, it's definitely bad.

• 45:26Andrew Santino?

  It's bad, yeah.

• 45:28Speaker 06

  She's like, I'd rather talk to you about it in person. I'm like, huh. So I asked to see the set because I knew what it was.

• 45:33Andrew Santino?

  Yeah.

• 45:34Speaker 06

  So I watched, and I was like, this actually wasn't, because I was like, I hope I didn't call this girl a [BLEEP]. Because that's the thing, I was like, I don't know, I can get crazy like that.

• 45:40Andrew Santino?

  But [BLEEP] is okay, isn't that okay?

• 45:41Speaker 06

  I think it's like, I don't know, I think people get really offended by it. I don't think it's offensive, but other people like, I just didn't know if I said that or not. So I watched it, I was like, actually, I did better than I remembered. So when I seen her, she was like, you know, you're a good writer. She was like, and you know, smart jokes. She was like, could you like, spread out some of the darkness?

• 46:04Speaker 06

  And I was like, and first she was like, well, don't, if someone says something to you, don't respond back to them. I go, well, that's not gonna happen, because if you don't shut these people up, they'll just keep talking. Also, The Cellar used to shut everyone up. They don't really do that anymore now.

• 46:15Andrew Santino?

  Well, you know why. This is the new world of like, crowd work clips and all this stuff.

• 46:18Speaker 06

  Crowd work clips, and also, they don't want negative reviews, I don't think.

• 46:22Andrew Santino?

  That's such bullshit, it's so crazy. Uh, for a comedy club to have all positive reviews would be-

• 46:26Speaker 06

  There's no way, yeah.

• 46:28Andrew Santino?

  That'd be weird to me.

• 46:29Speaker 00

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• 47:05Speaker 06

  Yes, but also I think too, people are doing these crowd work clips too, so they don't want to shut them up. It's like, if anyone's talking to me, it's not that I want to talk to them. I almost rarely will talk to someone in the audience.

• 47:15Andrew Santino?

  And there's only so many people that are really good at that dance, that can get back, like Attell can get right back.

• 47:19Speaker 06

  Yes.

• 47:20Andrew Santino?

  He can, he's able to do it and get right back in a very like, smooth way. Because he ingratiates himself so well, that everyone's like, okay, we'll listen again.

• 47:28Speaker 06

  But I think a lot of comedy clubs are, I don't know, I think a lot of them are just like, don't want people in the crowd to be upset. I, I feel like that's, I don't feel like it was that, like, that years ago, and I feel like now every comedy club is like, wants everyone to have a good time, obviously, but like, doesn't want to ruffle any feathers. Like, I've worked at the Cellar where like, the cops got called, I had to get walked in my car, like, that's not, I don't know what, how that would go down now.

• 47:52Andrew Santino?

  That's not a good review.

• 47:54Speaker 06

  That's not a good review, but this was years ago.

• 47:56Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, just ask that girl next time if she wants to shoot a sketch outside.

• 48:00Andrew Santino?

  You want to go outside and shoot a sketch? Like a little sketch we can shoot.

• 48:02Speaker 06

  Yeah, but I was just saying, it just seems like the cul- and this was before crowd work closed, but it just seems it's changed a bit.

• 48:08Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, well, I will say, I'll toot our own, our own horn a little bit, but, The Comedy Store, they're no bullshit. They'll throw you the fuck out, real fast, they don't play, and they're still trained to like, really clip people, and I will say, the mark that, the mark that was left, by Mitzi, was that like, the comics rule, so, fuck them, if they don't like it, they can have, they can fuck off.

• 48:33Andrew Santino?

  She's pretty, pretty good about, that's kind of the standard at the store still.

• 48:36Speaker 06

  Mothership is obviously like that, because,

• 48:38Andrew Santino?

  Well, yeah, because, yeah.

• 48:38Speaker 06

  Right, but like, that's great, like, as soon as someone talks, they should be like, you're getting out of here.

• 48:43Andrew Santino?

  Get out, get out, you know, the only time that I, and I'll play with someone a little bit if they're getting too much, and I'll go, I love you too, but, it's usually some idiot being like, fuck, I'm just love you, dude, you're like, I love you too, man.

• 48:51Speaker 06

  They love you so much, but they can't contain him.

• 48:53Andrew Santino?

  I love you too, but you gotta cut it out, because you're gonna fuck up the rest of the show for everybody.

• 48:56Speaker 06

  And you're gonna get kicked out.

• 48:57Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, I've only had to do it like, honestly, a very handful of times, but like, it, it's, it's, when it does happen, it's a, it's a relief for everybody, because you're like, dude, we did, we tried so hard. Yeah, don't do it, we tried so hard to let you stay, we want you to stay, I want you to have your, your chicken wings and your, and your pizza.

• 49:16Speaker 06

  But sometimes they're just too drunk.

• 49:17Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, I mean, certain cities too, it's undeniable, we played, Where was the guy, Philly, the guy that threw up on the first three rows?

• 49:24Speaker 06

  I mean, why are you throwing up?

• 49:27Andrew Santino?

  I'm not, this is insane.

• 49:28Speaker 06

  Also, people in Philly drink as soon as they wake up, like, it's crazy.

• 49:31Andrew Santino?

  Before the show started.

• 49:32Speaker 07

  When people were getting seated.

• 49:34Andrew Santino?

  Seated. Some guy, over like two rows, they, I opened up the curtain to look, I'm not kidding, thirty seats. This guy sprayed.

• 49:41Speaker 07

  Was it Baltimore?

• 49:42Andrew Santino?

  Philly or Baltimore, it was one of the two.

• 49:44Speaker 07

  I think it was Baltimore.

• 49:44Speaker 06

  Both trash, same thing.

• 49:46Andrew Santino?

  It's the same beautiful place. I love Philly so much.

• 49:48Speaker 07

  Cause my parents were there, sitting right next to where the puke came down.

• 49:51Andrew Santino?

  Oh, it was Baltimore then, that's right. And it was, I was, I was impressed. I was like, this guy barfed before the show even started. Well, someone threw up, someone threw up in the balcony, too.

• 50:01Speaker 06

  And he threw up down?

• 50:03Andrew Santino?

  Yeah.

• 50:03Speaker 07

  And then another person cleared out his row. Asking if we're getting seated.

• 50:07Speaker 06

  My friend was at a show and this guy had a stroke and he just shit his pants in the front row.

• 50:13Speaker 06

  And like, you just kinda have to stop the show.

• 50:16Andrew Santino?

  Yeah.

• 50:17Speaker 06

  And get this guy outside, but there's like, shit.

• 50:19Andrew Santino?

  Shit, that's how, by the way, that's how they seat. They're like, uh, you look like you have a stroke, you wanna be in the front row.

• 50:25Speaker 06

  I was at New York Comic Club one night and this lady was, uh, maybe, where was she from, maybe England? I don't know, but she fell, she must have like, passed out and then shit. And then went in the bathroom and made a mess in there. And then she went to go into the showroom to sit down.

• 50:43Andrew Santino?

  No, ma'am.

• 50:43Speaker 06

  Yes, and they were like, we're calling you an ambulance, you have to get the fuck out of here.

• 50:47Andrew Santino?

  This is not okay.

• 50:50Andrew Santino?

  Back home, we can do it, it's just fun.

• 50:51Speaker 06

  I think the husband had no idea that she just shit all over the floor and then shit all over the bathroom. And she had like a dress on and none of it was on her dress. It was like crazy.

• 51:02Andrew Santino?

  That's class.

• 51:03Speaker 06

  That's English, people, yeah.

• 51:04Andrew Santino?

  Keep that shit contained, yeah, they're good at that. I had a poor person, I had some person, I don't even know if it was a man or a woman or whomever, but at Nashville, Zany's, on the, there's like, you know, the top balcony?

• 51:14Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 51:15Andrew Santino?

  Someone had like a, a medical emergency as well, I'll say, cause we don't know what it was, but it was like so creepy and scary because the silence was deafening. Like, I thought somebody died, like legitimately had a heart attack and died, and everybody was just standing up, kinda giving me like these eyes, I was like, okay, well, let's take a break, let's let everybody calm down, and then...

• 51:34Speaker 06

  What happens? Like, someone just screamed?

• 51:36Andrew Santino?

  The EMTs came and then they, I think, I think somebody...

• 51:40Speaker 06

  Who is that?

• 51:41Speaker 07

  I bet, I think Bobby might have, Bobby saw somebody.

• 51:43Andrew Santino?

  Idiot. Uh, I think somebody, what a loser.

• 51:46Speaker 07

  That was wild timing.

• 51:47Andrew Santino?

  What are you doing? What are you doing? Say hi, don't be rude.

• 51:51Speaker 06

  Hello.

• 51:52Andrew Santino?

  What are you doing here, by the way?

• 51:53Speaker 06

  Do you hate me?

• 51:56Andrew Santino?

  You're an hour early. And you're interrupting my pod. Wait, wait, come here. Hey! Robert! What a cunt. Say hello and fucking say I'm sorry for interrupting the show.

• 52:10Speaker 06

  What's up? How you doing? Do you want to sit on my lap?

• 52:11Andrew Santino?

  This is Darth Queen, huh? Comedy, Darth Queen of comedy right here. No, don't let him sit down. Although the Ozempic is working, dude. The kid's looking thin.

• 52:18Speaker 06

  Oh my god, you're so skinny.

• 52:19Andrew Santino?

  He's losing his butt. Are you being real? You are losing your butt, I'm not gonna lie. You have lost your butt. My Brazilian butt? Your BBL is gone.

• 52:27Andrew Santino?

  Go get a coffee and leave. I don't want to fucking talk to you anymore. Pig. I hate him so much.

• 52:32Speaker 06

  You guys love each other.

• 52:33Andrew Santino?

  More than anything on planet Earth.

• 52:34Speaker 06

  I'm sure you guys were gay.

• 52:36Andrew Santino?

  We're pretty close. The comments would argue we are.

• 52:39Speaker 06

  You are gay, I love that.

• 52:40Andrew Santino?

  The amount of people in the comments that say like, "This shit is so gay, it's gross." Because we are pretty free on the show. But, people get really creeped out by it. I think people get mad. We had a drag queen do a book reading and people got real mad about that. And the book was called "Don't Touch My Dinosaur."

• 52:57Speaker 06

  Was it a good book?

• 52:58Andrew Santino?

  Really good. And she killed, she was so good.

• 53:01Speaker 06

  What did she do? She was just reading or she was dancing?

• 53:04Andrew Santino?

  A little bit of everything, really. She was a performer.

• 53:06Speaker 06

  Oh, okay, I like that.

• 53:07Andrew Santino?

  She was a performer.

• 53:08Speaker 07

  It was a performer.

• 53:08Speaker 06

  It is weird because when all of the, like, people were upset about, like, the drag queens reading. I'm like, how come they're all unemployed, though, and able to read to kids? Like, how come none of them have jobs? That was like my one concern. Where I'm like, why are none of them employed?

• 53:20Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, what are they up to?

• 53:22Speaker 06

  I guess...

• 53:22Andrew Santino?

  They're probably just comics. Waiting for spots at night.

• 53:25Speaker 06

  Maybe that's true, yeah. So the days are free.

• 53:27Andrew Santino?

  I mean, we're in drag. We pretend like we...

• 53:30Speaker 06

  Are regular people.

• 53:30Andrew Santino?

  Regular people and such. What a lie.

• 53:32Speaker 06

  Yeah, that's true.

• 53:33Andrew Santino?

  It's like the best lie of all time that we... When we do go out in public and we don't know how to function. When you see comics in public... When you see a comic in public that doesn't know you're seeing them, it's such a funny experience.

• 53:42Speaker 06

  Yep.

• 53:43Andrew Santino?

  You're like, "Look at how weird this person looks in the wild."

• 53:45Speaker 06

  Just like roaming around by themselves, lost?

• 53:47Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, with a headphone in, trying to be cool a little bit, but it's not working. It's like if it feels like how when a robot isn't integrated yet and they're trying to make it, like, talk to people and you're like, "Oh no, it's not working, is it?"

• 53:59Speaker 06

  Like Mark Norman.

• 54:03Andrew Santino?

  "It's not working." "Why is it not working?" Yeah, I do love the kid. He's kind of my, um...

• 54:11Andrew Santino?

  He's my little comedy soulmate.

• 54:12Speaker 06

  Yeah, I could see that.

• 54:13Andrew Santino?

  Like, have you found one?

• 54:15Speaker 06

  I feel like I keep switching. I have a couple.

• 54:18Andrew Santino?

  Louis is definitely your comedy soulmate a little bit.

• 54:21Speaker 06

  Maybe.

• 54:21Andrew Santino?

  I think so. He fucking loves you.

• 54:24Speaker 06

  I don't know.

• 54:25Andrew Santino?

  He does.

• 54:26Speaker 06

  I guess so. It's weird. I don't know how to take love.

• 54:30Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, I can see. I know. Yeah. Watch this. I love you.

• 54:34Speaker 06

  That's weird.

• 54:34Andrew Santino?

  See?

• 54:35Speaker 06

  That's so uncomfortable.

• 54:35Andrew Santino?

  I really love you.

• 54:36Speaker 06

  Oh, my god, I'm gonna go drink.

• 54:37Andrew Santino?

  I love you so much.

• 54:37Speaker 06

  Oh, my god.

• 54:38Andrew Santino?

  No, no, go please.

• 54:42Andrew Santino?

  When's the last time you had a sip?

• 54:44Speaker 06

  Um, I actually had a glass of wine with Ari and Louis. I took them out for like, doing everything for me. It was like a thank you. We got like a bottle of wine. I don't think wine is that good.

• 54:55Speaker 06

  So...

• 54:55Andrew Santino?

  Foot grapes.

• 54:56Speaker 06

  It's not great.

• 54:57Andrew Santino?

  Not a fan. I don't even understand it.

• 54:59Speaker 06

  But I do like anything where I can like not, where I can numb out and just like not think about stuff.

• 55:04Andrew Santino?

  Do you, so you say you switch, like you switch your addictions?

• 55:07Speaker 06

  Sure.

• 55:09Andrew Santino?

  Is there one that you're afraid to touch because you know that it'll like cripple you forever?

• 55:13Speaker 06

  Maybe like heroin? I feel like that's everyone though.

• 55:16Andrew Santino?

  You say that, but I don't know. I can, I've turned off to the culture more than anything.

• 55:19Speaker 06

  Oh, I think I'd have a good time.

• 55:21Andrew Santino?

  Cause I'm kind of a neat freak.

• 55:22Speaker 06

  I think, I think you would totally not care about being neat. I think it might be exactly what you need.

• 55:27Andrew Santino?

  The anxiety of becoming unneat is why I'd be like...

• 55:30Speaker 06

  But you're gonna not even care. You'll be like, I'm so unneat right now.

• 55:33Andrew Santino?

  It doesn't matter.

• 55:33Speaker 06

  It doesn't matter. I'm like in this park.

• 55:36Andrew Santino?

  Imagine me on heroin, everyone's nodding off, and I'm cleaning up the house while people are nodding off in my...

• 55:40Speaker 06

  They might love that.

• 55:41Andrew Santino?

  Yeah.

• 55:42Speaker 06

  You'll be the only person that knows exactly where their heroin is.

• 55:45Andrew Santino?

  And knows...

• 55:45Speaker 06

  Cause everything's tidy.

• 55:46Andrew Santino?

  My base level. Like, I know exactly how much H to do.

• 55:49Speaker 06

  There's a story about a professor that did heroin recreationally.

• 55:53Andrew Santino?

  Really?

• 55:53Speaker 06

  Yes.

• 55:54Andrew Santino?

  Who is this?

• 55:55Speaker 06

  You can ask that guy. I'll look it up. And he was in a pretty prestigious university, I think. Maybe NYU?

• 56:02Andrew Santino?

  Is it Carl Hart? Well, go ahead. Your guess is as good as ours.

• 56:05Speaker 06

  I have no idea.

• 56:06Andrew Santino?

  Just popped up. What does it say he did?

• 56:08Speaker 06

  What professor is he?

• 56:09Andrew Santino?

  He did heroin recreationally. It's cause what a cool thing. I mean, he's known for research on recreational drug use. I mean, he popped up and I looked up professor recreational heroin. Ah, doesn't look like, he looks pretty young, actually. Maybe. When was this?

• 56:22Speaker 06

  Two years ago?

• 56:23Andrew Santino?

  I was gonna say during like the, during like, you know, the-

• 56:27Speaker 06

  I think he's black, right?

• 56:29Andrew Santino?

  He is black. The acid test years, there was a lot of university professors doing acid.

• 56:33Speaker 06

  Oh, so that is him, yeah.

• 56:34Andrew Santino?

  What's his name?

• 56:34Speaker 07

  Recreational heroin user, Carl Hart, 58, he looks great.

• 56:38Speaker 06

  I wonder if sometimes he does it, he's like, "I wanna do more," but then that people, what they said about me will be right. Like, he's fighting to not do more heroin, probably all the time.

• 56:46Andrew Santino?

  I'm sure.

• 56:47Speaker 06

  Cause everyone's like, "You're gonna, one day, not be able to come back." He's like, "No, I have it under control."

• 56:51Andrew Santino?

  Right.

• 56:51Speaker 06

  And then every time he does, he's like, "I bugger want so much more."

• 56:54Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, it took him 20, 25-year research career. He found that most drug use scenarios cause little or no harm, and that some responsible drug use scenarios are actually beneficial for the human health and functioning. Sure, but not the best one. He revealed heroin, though, was one of them.

• 57:09Speaker 06

  Yeah, I think like, that's a very small percentage that could recreationally do heroin.

• 57:13Andrew Santino?

  I would assume it's just him.

• 57:14Speaker 06

  I think it's just him.

• 57:16Andrew Santino?

  He's Neo. There's gotta be only like, that is such a selective thing. In fact, you've heard these stories about like, the acid test years, and those professors said, like, there was a lot of experimental acid use, and they said that they all kinda kept it under control. But, the truth really is, they all broke. Like, everybody broke.

• 57:32Speaker 06

  Yeah, you have to go bug wild.

• 57:33Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, because they were like, "Well, I wanna try an extra dose tonight, just for the, for the research."

• 57:38Speaker 07

  He looks great, though.

• 57:39Speaker 06

  That's exactly what-

• 57:39Andrew Santino?

  Wow, he looks fantastic.

• 57:41Speaker 06

  You know why? Cause you're sleeping so much.

• 57:44Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, you're just, you're napping, you're constantly napping.

• 57:47Speaker 06

  Yeah, you're just sleeping, so you just look like in a restful state, I think.

• 57:50Andrew Santino?

  I guess I could use some heroin to get some sleep, I don't sleep well.

• 57:53Speaker 06

  It actually wouldn't be bad for you.

• 57:55Andrew Santino?

  Alright, again, this is probably the worst legal advice I've ever had.

• 57:58Speaker 06

  But I'm not your legal counsel, I'm your friend.

• 58:01Andrew Santino?

  I know, but honestly, I have to entrust you in case I get busted.

• 58:04Speaker 06

  We can't, I can't do that.

• 58:05Andrew Santino?

  That's fine.

• 58:06Speaker 06

  Don't entrust that to me. Have Bobby as your lawyer.

• 58:08Andrew Santino?

  No fucking way, insane.

• 58:10Speaker 06

  There's no good Asian lawyers.

• 58:12Andrew Santino?

  There is no good Asian lawyer, Google that, are there any good Asian lawyers?

• 58:16Speaker 06

  There's gotta be at least one.

• 58:18Andrew Santino?

  There's one? Like, there's gotta be one good Asian lawyer who's just, who's a baller.

• 58:22Speaker 06

  He's killing it, every Asian person wants to hire them.

• 58:26Andrew Santino?

  We can't get a hold of, we can't get a hold of Chang. He's impossible to book.

• 58:30Speaker 07

  Dilip Singh Sound.

• 58:32Andrew Santino?

  Oh, Dilip Singh Sound, yeah, I know him.

• 58:34Speaker 06

  Yeah, okay.

• 58:34Andrew Santino?

  No, Dilip Singh Sound is famous, famous, famous.

• 58:37Speaker 06

  I'm having deja vu right now, you've never heard of this guy.

• 58:39Andrew Santino?

  Dilip Singh Sound.

• 58:41Speaker 07

  Oh, it says he's Indian, though.

• 58:42Andrew Santino?

  Ah.

• 58:43Speaker 07

  Which is technically Asian, but not, it wasn't what we were thinking.

• 58:46Speaker 06

  It's not the kind of Asian we were talking about.

• 58:48Andrew Santino?

  You know what the fuck we're talking about, dude. Don't play that game.

• 58:50Speaker 07

  He's just the first one that popped up, so maybe, maybe what we were talking about was true.

• 58:52Speaker 06

  Was there no picture?

• 58:53Speaker 07

  No.

• 58:54Speaker 06

  Fine.

• 58:54Speaker 07

  Then I looked him up and then it was.

• 58:55Andrew Santino?

  Dilipsing song, though.

• 58:57Speaker 06

  Dilipsing song.

• 58:58Speaker 07

  Hiram. Hiram fong?

• 59:01Andrew Santino?

  Oh, Hiram fong.

• 59:02Speaker 06

  Hiram fong? What?

• 59:05Speaker 07

  These are all lawyers that were, uh, this guy became a US senator.

• 59:09Andrew Santino?

  Really? There you go.

• 59:10Speaker 07

  He was born in Honolulu, though.

• 59:11Speaker 06

  I like Dilipsam better. Diliksum.

• 59:14Speaker 07

  More fun name.

• 59:15Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, Dilipsing song?

• 59:16Speaker 06

  Dilipsing song.

• 59:17Speaker 07

  He was the first Asian American elected to Congress.

• 59:20Andrew Santino?

  Well, that's pretty fucking rad.

• 59:21Speaker 06

  What's his name?

• 59:22Andrew Santino?

  Dilipsing song?

• 59:23Speaker 07

  Dilipsing sound? S A U N D.

• 59:25Speaker 06

  But this is the Indian guy.

• 59:27Speaker 07

  Yes.

• 59:27Andrew Santino?

  Yes, but we, again, he's taking this Asian thing because they're allowed to. They're Asian.

• 59:31Speaker 06

  I know, but you know, come on.

• 59:33Andrew Santino?

  Isn't that funny when you have a, if you have a conversation with them and they're like, excuse me, you're like, you know what I mean. You're not...

• 59:38Speaker 06

  Come on.

• 59:38Andrew Santino?

  You're not one of them, you're one of those.

• 59:40Speaker 07

  He was elected in fifty-seven. That's crazy.

• 59:42Andrew Santino?

  That is crazy.

• 59:43Speaker 07

  What a time.

• 59:44Andrew Santino?

  What's the, what's the last country, or last, yeah, what's the last country you'd visit?

• 59:48Speaker 06

  Like, before I die?

• 59:49Andrew Santino?

  Hmm, what's like the last country to visit before you die?

• 59:52Speaker 01

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• 1:00:08Speaker 06

  I don't know, I just liked the beach. I liked Australia.

• 1:00:11Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, that was fun.

• 1:00:12Speaker 06

  Um, did you go see those quokkas?

• 1:00:14Andrew Santino?

  We did. We went to Rottenswille Island. Yeah, they're cute. They're like big rats.

• 1:00:19Speaker 06

  Did you go with them to Australia?

• 1:00:20Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, I did.

• 1:00:21Speaker 06

  That's really cool for you.

• 1:00:22Andrew Santino?

  Privilege.

• 1:00:23Speaker 06

  Wow, that is very privileged.

• 1:00:25Andrew Santino?

  It makes me sick, dude.

• 1:00:27Speaker 06

  You should have hired, like, a black person so you could take them to all these places.

• 1:00:30Andrew Santino?

  We thought about it, but talk about unreliable. So what I was...

• 1:00:33Speaker 06

  Yeah, that is, actually, they don't make a good case for themselves. You wanna, you just wanna help them and you can't.

• 1:00:39Andrew Santino?

  No, he was, you know what, we got him because he was a vulnerable, sweet, uh... He was a vulnerable, sweet, young man that worked, that works. He makes a lot of mistakes, though. An unbelievable amount of mistakes.

• 1:00:51Speaker 06

  Like, major ones?

• 1:00:52Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, dude, he has some fuckups.

• 1:00:54Speaker 06

  Does he book your flights and stuff?

• 1:00:55Andrew Santino?

  No, I would never let, he's too dumb to do that. He can barely book his own shit. He's not a bright kid. He's committed, dedicated, and artistic. Look at his shoes.

• 1:01:03Speaker 06

  But those shoes doesn't mean he's dumb, though.

• 1:01:05Andrew Santino?

  Yes, they do.

• 1:01:06Speaker 06

  No.

• 1:01:06Andrew Santino?

  Yes, they do.

• 1:01:07Speaker 07

  That means I'm a hard worker. I work my shoes to the bone.

• 1:01:10Speaker 06

  Why, like that?

• 1:01:11Andrew Santino?

  See, the kid thinks there's bones in shoes, that's how dumb he is. Fucking idiot. Don't do that. Cut it out.

• 1:01:16Speaker 06

  What kind of mistakes does he make?

• 1:01:18Andrew Santino?

  He slipped up on a lot of weird stuff. He's overslept, he's not, he's not coming on time.

• 1:01:22Speaker 06

  I used to talk-

• 1:01:22Andrew Santino?

  Have you not done that?

• 1:01:23Speaker 07

  Like, once or twice.

• 1:01:25Andrew Santino?

  Uh, he's done it enough.

• 1:01:26Speaker 06

  I used to talk to a guy that was a foot doc, a foot surgeon, and he overslept and he, like, lost his job.

• 1:01:32Andrew Santino?

  Really? One time? Was he out partying?

• 1:01:35Speaker 06

  I don't think so. He, he was, he used to be like an alcoholic. And he wasn't, he didn't want to go to AA meetings because he was scared he was gonna see someone there. That, like, would tell on him. I was like, "Yeah, but you're getting help for it." But, yeah, he overslept and then he just...

• 1:01:48Andrew Santino?

  Why do Alcoholics Anonymous, it's so not anonymous, why, why don't they have those things?

• 1:01:53Speaker 06

  Where you just wear a bag over your head?

• 1:01:54Andrew Santino?

  They should have some, or like a, like a priest, you know, like a confession area or something? They should all be in separate cubicles where you don't see people.

• 1:02:01Speaker 06

  Well, maybe for LA, because everyone here is, like, famous, but in, like, Kentucky, who cares?

• 1:02:05Andrew Santino?

  You go to fame, they go to fame, well, Kentucky even worse, because it's a small town, then everybody knows all your business.

• 1:02:10Speaker 06

  But everyone already knows.

• 1:02:11Andrew Santino?

  That's also true. I think here, though, you should have some sort of separation. There should be an AA where you're segmented off.

• 1:02:15Speaker 06

  Well, you could do, I think, Zoom and stuff, that's probably better.

• 1:02:19Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, but you have to feel the presence of people to make you know, because, because Zoom, I mean, when you do Zooms, you're like, this is meaningless.

• 1:02:25Speaker 06

  I'm doing everything else while I'm on Zoom. I'm texting.

• 1:02:28Andrew Santino?

  Yeah.

• 1:02:28Speaker 06

  I'm cooking.

• 1:02:29Andrew Santino?

  I'm taking a bath on Zoom.

• 1:02:30Speaker 06

  You could, you could do whatever you want.

• 1:02:31Andrew Santino?

  Taking a full bath on Zoom. Yeah, it's meaningless.

• 1:02:34Speaker 06

  It is meaningless.

• 1:02:34Andrew Santino?

  And it also can't communicate how you really feel, it's impossible.

• 1:02:37Speaker 06

  Phone meetings are better, probably, because you have to actually be on the phone to hear someone, I guess.

• 1:02:41Andrew Santino?

  And there's something about the tone of your voice on a phone that tells something more than the Zoom. Zoom can be faked.

• 1:02:47Speaker 06

  Yeah, I guess I could see that. But anyway, this guy is like, a foot surgeon or whatever, and I used to kind of make fun of him, because I think it's like a loser doctor.

• 1:02:57Andrew Santino?

  Well, it's not chosen for sure. That's like a last resort.

• 1:03:00Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 1:03:01Andrew Santino?

  You ended up there. No one goes-

• 1:03:03Speaker 06

  Is it the loser of doctors?

• 1:03:05Andrew Santino?

  The loser of doctors is...

• 1:03:12Andrew Santino?

  What's the kid one?

• 1:03:14Speaker 07

  Pediatrician.

• 1:03:15Andrew Santino?

  Pediatrician, that's loser doctor. You're a loser.

• 1:03:18Speaker 07

  Or something a lot worse.

• 1:03:20Andrew Santino?

  No, you're a loser doctor. Because honestly, uh... You're not really fixing much.

• 1:03:26Speaker 06

  What if you're like a child surgeon?

• 1:03:27Andrew Santino?

  Awesome. Beautiful people.

• 1:03:29Speaker 06

  So just the pediatrician part is-

• 1:03:30Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, like a general practice one that's like, "What surgery you got this now, pal?" It's bullshit.

• 1:03:34Speaker 06

  I bet I could probably do- don't you feel like you could be a pediatrician?

• 1:03:37Andrew Santino?

  Hundred percent.

• 1:03:38Speaker 06

  Like, you would probably not misdiagnose kids.

• 1:03:41Andrew Santino?

  I mean, it's pretty easy. And also, they're fine. They'll be fine. They'll grow out of it, their bones will repair.

• 1:03:45Speaker 06

  If something happens, you'll- well, no.

• 1:03:47Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, you'll be fine.

• 1:03:48Speaker 06

  If, like, you start growing like that, we're gonna say you're sp- you have spinal bifida or whatever the fuck.

• 1:03:52Andrew Santino?

  Scoliosis.

• 1:03:53Speaker 06

  Scoliosis.

• 1:03:54Andrew Santino?

  You remember those tests in school that made you bend down in front- there was such a-

• 1:03:57Speaker 06

  I had to do that in front of my doctor without clothes on. I don't think that's normal.

• 1:04:00Andrew Santino?

  That was a fetish she had.

• 1:04:02Speaker 06

  It was a woman.

• 1:04:03Andrew Santino?

  How old were you?

• 1:04:04Speaker 06

  It was also a black doctor. I feel like she did it to, like, put me in my place.

• 1:04:07Andrew Santino?

  That's right.

• 1:04:11Speaker 06

  I was like, "I'm wearing nothing, I'm bending down, touching my toes, you're just looking at my asshole." It's a little weird.

• 1:04:16Andrew Santino?

  To make you spread?

• 1:04:17Speaker 06

  No.

• 1:04:17Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, spread would have been even funnier.

• 1:04:19Speaker 06

  That would have been- I think that's what my mother would have drawn the line to. I think my mom was also there.

• 1:04:23Andrew Santino?

  That's such an uncomfortable- my dad, when I got my first physical for sports, and the guy was feeling my balls, and my dad stood there, and I was like, "Why is this okay? Why do we need you to- why?"

• 1:04:32Speaker 06

  How come he wasn't in prison then?

• 1:04:34Andrew Santino?

  No, no, stepdad. Stepdad, should have clarified. But you know what-

• 1:04:37Speaker 06

  That's really weird, your stepdad there.

• 1:04:39Andrew Santino?

  Nah, he's a good dude. He was like my dad.

• 1:04:41Speaker 06

  I just mean, like, I don't need you there.

• 1:04:44Andrew Santino?

  Well, because I was a minor, I think you have to have an adult in the room. Because I was fifteen or whatever when I played high school. You know, I played- when I got to high school and I did the thing, I think he had to be in the room legally.

• 1:04:52Speaker 06

  Right, but fifteen you're old enough to know if you're getting molested.

• 1:04:56Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, but it doesn't mean you'll keep it a secret.

• 1:04:58Speaker 06

  No, no, you shouldn't keep it a secret.

• 1:05:00Andrew Santino?

  No, but I'm saying, but they could manipulate you at fifteen. Boys at fifteen are ten. They're basically ten.

• 1:05:08Speaker 06

  Wow.

• 1:05:10Speaker 06

  He still seems like he's 10.

• 1:05:12Andrew Santino?

  Well, he 100% was molested, and I mean it wholeheartedly.

• 1:05:15Speaker 06

  Oh, you were?

• 1:05:15Andrew Santino?

  He has night terrors. He screams at night. He used to scream on the bus.

• 1:05:18Speaker 06

  How do you know he screams? Oh, God!

• 1:05:19Speaker 07

  On the tour bus.

• 1:05:20Andrew Santino?

  On the tour bus. Oh, and he would yell, "No, please stop, don't!"

• 1:05:22Speaker 06

  Oh, my God!

• 1:05:23Speaker 07

  And I'd run out of the bunk sometime into the main, and I'd wake up standing, I'm like, "Oh, no."

• 1:05:29Andrew Santino?

  Genuine.

• 1:05:30Speaker 06

  Why do you take this guy with you on the road? That's horrifying.

• 1:05:32Andrew Santino?

  We kinda wanna see him break.

• 1:05:35Speaker 06

  I don't know, he might be a fucking murderer.

• 1:05:37Andrew Santino?

  No, he's too, no, he's, it's, honestly, it's, he's such a softie.

• 1:05:41Speaker 06

  You say that.

• 1:05:42Andrew Santino?

  Look at his eyes. He's got big, blue eyes. But he does have serial killer face.

• 1:05:45Speaker 06

  Didn't Bundy also have eyes like that?

• 1:05:47Andrew Santino?

  Bundy was a babe.

• 1:05:48Speaker 06

  But then, the guy that shot the CEO, I think is hotter than Ted Bundy.

• 1:05:51Andrew Santino?

  So hot. The Italian kid?

• 1:05:53Speaker 07

  Luigi?

• 1:05:54Speaker 06

  Luigi.

• 1:05:55Andrew Santino?

  Did you see they put out that they were like, he had back problems, and everyone's like, "Oh." I love that they like, they're giving him context to why he was in pain.

• 1:06:02Speaker 06

  I want, I still wanna know what the reason was, why he did it.

• 1:06:05Andrew Santino?

  We're about to find out in a day or two.

• 1:06:06Speaker 07

  I heard he kinda lost his mind and like, alienated himself from his family for like, the last couple of months, and they hadn't heard from him, and this is how they heard.

• 1:06:11Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, but what's the root of that?

• 1:06:12Speaker 06

  Somebody's like, "There's Luigi."

• 1:06:14Andrew Santino?

  There he is!

• 1:06:15Speaker 06

  He's in New York!

• 1:06:18Speaker 06

  How'd he get there?

• 1:06:20Speaker 07

  "What are you doing in New York, Luigi? Why you killing this man?"

• 1:06:23Speaker 06

  "Come back home."

• 1:06:24Speaker 07

  "Come back home, I make you a baker."

• 1:06:25Speaker 06

  He's like, "I murdered somebody." Like, "Yeah, but you come home."

• 1:06:27Speaker 07

  "You come home, you can come home."

• 1:06:29Speaker 06

  "You can come back."

• 1:06:29Speaker 07

  "We all murdered somebody. Come on, you come home. You come home. It's a family tradition."

• 1:06:33Speaker 06

  "I called them."

• 1:06:34Speaker 07

  "You murder, you come home."

• 1:06:36Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, he, they get, they, I can't believe they got him, but I do have this conspiratorial part of me that's like, "That ain't him. That ain't the killer."

• 1:06:41Speaker 06

  You don't think it is?

• 1:06:42Andrew Santino?

  Nah. No, I don't, they were like, "They found a manifesto in his backpack." It was like, "Really?"

• 1:06:48Speaker 06

  It was just mind combs.

• 1:06:52Andrew Santino?

  I don't believe that he had a manifesto. I just, this is, these things seem too clean. He wrote a manifesto and carried it around with him, and it got stopped at a McDonald's. It's like, "What?" You're telling me he made it out of New York, only to get caught at a McDonald's?

• 1:07:04Speaker 06

  In Pennsylvania.

• 1:07:05Andrew Santino?

  Bullshit. It seems like bullshit.

• 1:07:07Speaker 06

  Do you think that he's doing this to like, throw them off their tracks for that real killer?

• 1:07:11Andrew Santino?

  A piece of me does. A piece of me also thinks that like NYPD and everybody... Yeah, look at him cute.

• 1:07:16Speaker 06

  What is he holding up?

• 1:07:17Speaker 07

  He's holding a Happy Meal.

• 1:07:19Speaker 06

  Oh, that's a Happy Meal.

• 1:07:20Andrew Santino?

  Well, the Lion King one, that was good.

• 1:07:22Speaker 06

  He also seems a little bit like, um, Arrested Development. Like, doesn't he seem like childlike?

• 1:07:27Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, he sounds like a kid. He looks like a cute little kid.

• 1:07:30Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 1:07:30Andrew Santino?

  Have you seen him with his shirt off? They had a picture of him, he's ripped.

• 1:07:32Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 1:07:33Andrew Santino?

  He's jacked.

• 1:07:33Speaker 06

  That's good for prison.

• 1:07:34Andrew Santino?

  Huge for prison.

• 1:07:36Speaker 06

  He's gonna be hot.

• 1:07:37Andrew Santino?

  But if I'm, if you're that guy, you're Pennsylvania, you're going so far, I'm going so far away.

• 1:07:43Speaker 06

  But if he's mentally insane, like, he probably thought he wasn't gonna get caught.

• 1:07:47Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, I guess. But you just disappeared somewhere in, you know, the Carolinas, you're good. Appalachian dude, get, you're gone.

• 1:07:55Speaker 06

  Who the fuck wants to live in the mountains like that?

• 1:07:56Andrew Santino?

  But they'll never know you're there, that's what's crazy.

• 1:07:58Speaker 06

  Go to Mexico.

• 1:07:59Andrew Santino?

  Too far, that's far. That's really far from New York.

• 1:08:02Speaker 06

  I mean, you have the time, you're not working.

• 1:08:04Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, but you can't fly, so you gotta find a way to constantly get, uh, car rides to get south, that's so far.

• 1:08:09Speaker 06

  It doesn't seem like it's that far.

• 1:08:11Andrew Santino?

  Mexico?

• 1:08:11Speaker 06

  The Appalachian Mountains seems way further.

• 1:08:13Andrew Santino?

  It's much closer to New York.

• 1:08:15Speaker 06

  Well, I don't know.

• 1:08:15Andrew Santino?

  We gotta get you a map.

• 1:08:16Speaker 06

  Oh, I'm not good with locations.

• 1:08:18Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, it's very, it's much further. Significantly so. Well, okay, what's the first border town if you're headed south from New York? What's the first Mexican border town? We used to go party at a border town, south of Texas.

• 1:08:29Speaker 07

  Yeah, it'd probably be like El Paso or something, like, right there on Texas.

• 1:08:33Andrew Santino?

  That might be the closest, that's so far.

• 1:08:35Speaker 07

  It's very far.

• 1:08:36Andrew Santino?

  That, that's like a 24-hour drive.

• 1:08:39Speaker 06

  I mean, he got caught days later.

• 1:08:41Andrew Santino?

  I can tell that you haven't left New York. That you grew up and stayed there your whole life.

• 1:08:44Speaker 06

  I did.

• 1:08:45Andrew Santino?

  Cause you're like, Appalachia seems like it's further than...

• 1:08:47Speaker 06

  I never know where anything is. I always think that everything's like an hour away.

• 1:08:51Andrew Santino?

  It's like an hour away. Yeah, because for you kids, it was growing up. Everything on the East Coast was like, how do you get there? It's 45-minute drive.

• 1:08:57Speaker 06

  Sure, we drove everywhere.

• 1:08:58Andrew Santino?

  Like Philly, Boston, you can get everywhere.

• 1:09:00Speaker 06

  But I don't know where anything is, really.

• 1:09:02Andrew Santino?

  You're not good with any of that.

• 1:09:03Speaker 06

  Like Minneapolis, no.

• 1:09:04Andrew Santino?

  No clue where that is.

• 1:09:05Speaker 06

  I know it's that way.

• 1:09:08Speaker 06

  I know, I can't go into, it's the water and then that way.

• 1:09:10Andrew Santino?

  Did your, did your family vacation when you were a kid?

• 1:09:12Speaker 06

  Um, we didn't vacation anywhere good. We went to Pennsylvania.

• 1:09:16Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, never Jersey Shore.

• 1:09:18Speaker 06

  Did we go to Wildwood? Maybe we did like Ocean City.

• 1:09:21Andrew Santino?

  Ocean City, yeah. No Long Island?

• 1:09:24Speaker 06

  No.

• 1:09:25Andrew Santino?

  Never.

• 1:09:25Speaker 06

  I mean, never went to Long Island.

• 1:09:26Andrew Santino?

  That's fancy.

• 1:09:27Speaker 06

  Yeah, we were not fancy.

• 1:09:29Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, you were kinda like.

• 1:09:30Speaker 06

  Trashy.

• 1:09:31Andrew Santino?

  Not trashy. Working class.

• 1:09:35Speaker 06

  I don't know, if only one of your parents works, is it working class?

• 1:09:38Andrew Santino?

  It's work class. It's a class.

• 1:09:41Speaker 06

  It's a class. My mom should have been working. Cause you get older, you're like, hey, why did you just do nothing? And we had nothing. Why didn't you go do something? Why didn't you go do something? So we had some stuff.

• 1:09:51Andrew Santino?

  What was, what was, what is her?

• 1:09:52Speaker 06

  She'll be like, I was taking care of you guys, but she wasn't.

• 1:09:55Andrew Santino?

  She was not present?

• 1:09:56Speaker 06

  No, she was like, hi, I guess I just saw Ryan. It's like, we would, I, I guess high school was like a mile away from where we lived and it would be freezing and she had a car and didn't work and she would just be sleeping and we walked to school.

• 1:10:08Andrew Santino?

  What?

• 1:10:09Speaker 06

  Mm-hmm.

• 1:10:10Andrew Santino?

  Was she an addict, was she an addict at all?

• 1:10:12Speaker 06

  She's like depressed, but like, we're all depressed lady.

• 1:10:16Andrew Santino?

  Yeah.

• 1:10:16Speaker 06

  Drive, drive me to fucking school and then go back to sleep.

• 1:10:18Andrew Santino?

  Right. We're depressed, just put the sun visor low.

• 1:10:21Speaker 06

  My mom's cra- my mom's very selfish though. Like one day, so she was going through a divorce and I worked for this divorce attorney and I called him up and I was like, hey, will you meet with my mom? And it was like forty-five minutes from my house. So I pick her up, we go drive there, we go meet him and at the end she goes, um, is there a reason why I'm opening all of the doors?

• 1:10:39Speaker 06

  I go, what? I go, you're just getting there faster. I'm like, walk slower. She's like, I don't know why I'm opening all the doors.

• 1:10:46Andrew Santino?

  Jesus.

• 1:10:46Speaker 06

  It's like, I literally took all day.

• 1:10:48Andrew Santino?

  Right.

• 1:10:48Speaker 06

  To come here, bring you to this guy, and that's what you're saying.

• 1:10:52Andrew Santino?

  Sounds like a lovely woman.

• 1:10:54Speaker 06

  She's just like real selfish.

• 1:10:56Andrew Santino?

  Is your mom hot?

• 1:10:57Speaker 06

  She's okay.

• 1:10:58Andrew Santino?

  She sounds like she's got it like that.

• 1:11:00Speaker 06

  I mean, she must. She always gets husbands that like pay for everything, but she's fucking annoying.

• 1:11:05Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, but that's why they like her.

• 1:11:07Speaker 06

  You think?

• 1:11:07Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, that's a, there's a duality, there's a thing that happens. When she's cute and good looking, annoying is perfect.

• 1:11:13Speaker 06

  Well, she's annoying all right. She's pretty fucking annoying.

• 1:11:19Andrew Santino?

  But you love her, say we love her.

• 1:11:20Speaker 06

  I do love her, sure.

• 1:11:22Andrew Santino?

  Yeah.

• 1:11:22Speaker 06

  I mean.

• 1:11:23Andrew Santino?

  About how many siblings?

• 1:11:25Speaker 06

  I have one sister and then a bunch of half siblings that I haven't met.

• 1:11:29Andrew Santino?

  You don't know who they are at all?

• 1:11:30Speaker 06

  I know who one of them is, so I grew up like a mile away from my biological father and his family.

• 1:11:34Andrew Santino?

  Whoa.

• 1:11:35Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 1:11:36Andrew Santino?

  So you'd see him all the time?

• 1:11:38Speaker 06

  No, I seen him like once in outdoors when I was a kid, and then I met him in 2017 and that turned into a whole fiasco. His whole family's jealous, he was sneaking around to see me, I'm like, this is weird dude.

• 1:11:49Andrew Santino?

  Sneaking around to see his own kid?

• 1:11:51Speaker 06

  Yeah, cuz he had married someone that had two kids before him, so that wasn't his birth child and she was jealous of me. I mean, the whole thing was crazy, she wrote me, his wife wrote me a seven or eight page like handwritten letter to stay away from her Joey, it was crazy.

• 1:12:05Andrew Santino?

  Who has the time to read that?

• 1:12:06Speaker 06

  I mean, I did, I read it on my podcast at the time. I wish I could, I wish I could find it cuz the letter was so crazy.

• 1:12:13Andrew Santino?

  It was, it was, it was like a long threat to get out of her life forever.

• 1:12:16Speaker 06

  Yeah, it's like, I don't, I don't need to be in your, like, I don't want you guys in my, as my family, I was just meeting him.

• 1:12:21Andrew Santino?

  Just wanna see the guy.

• 1:12:23Speaker 06

  Yeah, he has red hair, well now it's gray.

• 1:12:26Andrew Santino?

  What, that's your connection?

• 1:12:28Speaker 06

  Red hair, yeah.

• 1:12:28Andrew Santino?

  That's why Louis likes ya.

• 1:12:30Speaker 06

  Maybe, we're, me and Louis are both Hungarian also.

• 1:12:32Andrew Santino?

  Oh yeah, Hungarian Jews, that's right, and you're Mexican. So we know. And we're Mexican. Uh, I want everyone to do me a favor, go buy a ticket to see the app, AppDog.

• 1:12:46Speaker 06

  The AppDog?

• 1:12:47Andrew Santino?

  What your website is, AdrianIbelucci.com.

• 1:12:50Speaker 06

  Yep.

• 1:12:50Andrew Santino?

  We'll put in the link in the description below, please go buy tickets cuz she's saying that, oh, people aren't gonna come by.

• 1:12:57Andrew Santino?

  But you will, and you should, cuz you're extremely funny, you're very talented, and.

• 1:13:01Speaker 06

  Thank you.

• 1:13:02Andrew Santino?

  And I would say to any of my black fans listening.

• 1:13:04Speaker 06

  Mmm, do you have a big black fandom?

• 1:13:07Andrew Santino?

  Two, two guys.

• 1:13:08Speaker 06

  Ooh, I love it, that's, that's two more than me.

• 1:13:10Andrew Santino?

  Two guys.

• 1:13:13Andrew Santino?

  She's available, she's single, right?

• 1:13:15Speaker 06

  I am single, yeah.

• 1:13:15Andrew Santino?

  So get back out there.

• 1:13:16Speaker 06

  I just, I can't, if you have a lot of problems, I just can't.

• 1:13:19Andrew Santino?

  You gotta be a real easygoing guy.

• 1:13:21Speaker 06

  You gotta be an easygoing guy.

• 1:13:22Andrew Santino?

  Easygoing guy, really gotta put up with

• 1:13:26Andrew Santino?

  a slow and low lifestyle and no drama. That's all she wants.

• 1:13:30Speaker 06

  No kids either.

• 1:13:30Andrew Santino?

  No kids, fuck that.

• 1:13:31Speaker 06

  Unless they're older, unless they're older.

• 1:13:32Andrew Santino?

  Unless they're 30.

• 1:13:33Speaker 06

  Unless they're like

• 1:13:35Andrew Santino?

  Out of high school.

• 1:13:36Speaker 06

  20?

• 1:13:37Andrew Santino?

  Out of high school, gotta be out of high school and then she's available.

• 1:13:39Speaker 06

  Or you're just abandoning them, it's also fine.

• 1:13:41Andrew Santino?

  Same, same.

• 1:13:41Speaker 06

  Same, same.

• 1:13:42Andrew Santino?

  Go see her live, please, I mean it, I appreciate you coming here.

• 1:13:45Speaker 06

  Thank you so much for having me.

• 1:13:46Andrew Santino?

  I know you're on a big run. Please watch on Netflix, right now, go watch The Dark Queen. And we end the episode the same way, look into that camera right there. You say one word or one phrase to end the episode. It could be a word, could be a phrase, it's your choice.

• 1:13:59Speaker 06

  This is a lot of pressure.

• 1:14:00Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, a lot of people say that, but you'll find it in your heart. What can bookend the episode better than whatever's in your heart and soul?

• 1:14:06Speaker 06

  Dead babies?

• 1:14:07Speaker 03

  In here, we pour whiskey, whiskey, whiskey, whiskey.

• 1:14:13Speaker 05

  Who's that creature in the ginger beard?

• 1:14:15Andrew Santino?

  Sturdy and ginger.

• 1:14:17Speaker 04

  Like them, the ginger gene is a curse. Gingers are beautiful. You owe me $5 for the whiskey, and $75 for the horse. Gingers, oh hell no. This whiskey is excellent.

• 1:14:28Speaker 05

  Ginger, I like gingers.