#604 - Jim Jefferies

Jim Jefferies is a stand up comedian, podcaster and actor. His tenth special “Two Limb Policy” is streaming now on Netflix. Jim returns to the show to talk about the fragile friendship between Australia and America, the legend of “Chopper” Read, and how meeting his disabled fans inspired his new special. Jim Jefferies: https://www.instagram.com/jimjefferies/ ------------------------------------------------ Tour Dates! https://theovon.com/tour New Merch: https://www.theovonstore.com ------------------------------------------------- Sponsored By: Celsius: Go to the Celsius Amazon store to check out all of their flavors. #CELSIUSBrandPartner #CELSIUSLiveFit https://amzn.to/3HbAtPJ Shady Rays: Go to http://shadyrays.com and use code THEO for 35% off polarized sunglasses. Rocket Money: Go to http://rocketmoney.com/theo to cancel your unwanted subscriptions. Armra: Go to http://tryarmra.com/THEO or enter THEO to get 15% off your first order. Better Help: This episode is sponsored by BetterHelp - go to http://betterhelp.com/theo to get 10% off your first month. Perplexity AI: Ask anything at https://pplx.ai/theo and download their new web browser Comet at https://comet.perplexity.ai/ ------------------------------------------------- Music: “Shine” by Bishop Gunn Bishop Gunn - Shine ------------------------------------------------ Submit your funny videos, TikToks, questions and topics you'd like to hear on the podcast to: [email protected] Hit the Hotline: 985-664-9503 Video Hotline for Theo Upload here: https://www.theovon.com/fan-upload Send mail to: This Past Weekend 1906 Glen Echo Rd PO Box #159359 Nashville, TN 37215 ------------------------------------------------ Find Theo: Website: https://theovon.com Instagram: https://instagram.com/theovon Facebook: https://facebook.com/theovon Facebook Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/thispastweekend Twitter: https://twitter.com/theovon YouTube: https://youtube.com/theovon Clips Channel: https://www.youtube.com/c/TheoVonClips Shorts Channel: https://bit.ly/3ClUj8z ------------------------------------------------ Producer: Zach https://www.instagram.com/zachdpowers Producer: Trevyn https://www.instagram.com/trevyn.s/ Producer: Nick https://www.instagram.com/realnickdavis/ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Speaker names marked ? are inferred from speaking time and the show’s known hosts — they are not voice-verified.

• 0:00Theo Von?

  You ever realize that you spent your entire morning thinking about lunch? It's 9 a.m. and somehow I'm already in negotiations with myself about how I'm gonna spend $20 on a sandwich at noon. And then I eat it, or you eat it, or somebody eats it, and then an hour later, you're just standing in the kitchen worrying about what you'll do for dinner. And that's one reason why I've been into Huell. The Black Edition Powder is a complete meal you have instead of food, not a shake on top of food. Their powder starts at less than $3 per meal, has 40 grams of protein, and mixes with water or milk in about 30 seconds. I like Huell's shakes because they're clean and it's quick.

• 0:41Theo Von?

  I just want to make sure I have everything I need to keep going the way I want to keep going in a healthy manner. So with Huell, basically, lunch went from a daily logistical problem to a thing I can solve in about 30 seconds. Make healthy eating simple. New customers get an exclusive offer of 15% off online with my code WEEKEND at huell.com/weekend. That's H-U-E-L dot com slash weekend. Thank you to Huell for partnering and supporting our show. Today's guest is a stand-up comedian, he's an actor, he's a podcaster. He just released his 10th stand-up comedy special on Netflix. It's called Two Limb Policy.

• 1:25Theo Von?

  We actually want to dedicate this episode to his nephew, Lieutenant Max Nugent. Thank you for your service, sir. Today's guest is the one and only Jim Jeffrey.

• 1:54Speaker 01

  How have you been? How are you doing with things?

• 1:55Theo Von?

  I'm alive, man. What am I? Uh, I feel like I'm stressed out a lot, but it's okay. I just have to slow things down a little bit for myself and then I just, um, I think sometimes you get busy and it's hard to like see what you're doing, you know? You're just going and I think some of that's just life as you get older, you're just going and you're like, do I, am I still walking in the direction I want to be in or what's even going on, you know?

• 2:17Speaker 01

  Well, look, the first time we worked together per se was on a pilot for Comedy Central. We were watching some slam poetry.

• 2:25Theo Von?

  Oh, yeah, that was good.

• 2:26Speaker 01

  And now fucking look at you. You're interviewing the top people in the world, man. So yes, you're going in the right direction there. I wouldn't be too nervous about how your life's going. You know, take the good with the bad and keep fucking riding the wave, brother.

• 2:39Theo Von?

  Yeah, thanks, man. Yeah, I think, yeah, I think it's just more like, like, yeah, you just get going. You're like, what the fuck, where, how old am I? What am I doing? You know, you're just like, it's just life. Life gets going like that, man. Yours has changed a lot since I saw you, dude. You had a child, you have autism.

• 2:54Speaker 01

  Autism is such a hard thing to put your finger on, isn't it? You know what I mean? Like, like, I might just be an asshole, you know? People always say, so, you know, I had, I had one doctor say, oh, we think that you're on the spectrum and things, but there's such a rainbow of where you can be and what, you know, you could be functioning to completely unfunctioning, needing help all your, all your life. So, um, I, look, you know, when I was a kid, they tried to go, oh, you have attention deficit disorder. And then dyslexia, I'm positive, autism, I'm pretty sure on, I don't think I had attention deficit disorder. I was just filled full of riddle and as a child. That, okay, but yes, I have had another kid since I've seen you. I've got a, I've got a 12 year old and a four year old and I've sobered up.

• 3:38Speaker 01

  Even more importantly, since we last saw each other, I, I haven't had a drink in, uh, close to five years.

• 3:45Theo Von?

  Oh, congratulations, dude. How's that changed? I mean, that must have changed everything.

• 3:48Speaker 01

  I still, I still, um, partake in weed, so I'm not a sober sober. So I, I don't want to preach that I am completely sober in it.

• 3:57Theo Von?

  But you don't drink.

• 3:57Speaker 01

  But I haven't had a drink or a cigarette in years. Um, it was, it happened during COVID. Uh, I started drinking at home and I used to have a policy that I'd only drink at work, you know? This is opposite to my thing.

• 4:12Theo Von?

  It's obviously an Irish policy.

• 4:13Speaker 01

  Yeah, yeah, I, I, I was like, I can drink at work, you know, because I can have a couple of beers before a show and I can have a couple of, you know, spirits after the show and, and, uh, and, you know, you can go in the dressing room in the comedy store and say, give me a vodka Red Bull or whatever, if you're a bit tired or something. And then when COVID happened, I started drinking at home and excessively.

• 4:34Theo Von?

  Like how early? Like, were you getting up and cracking one?

• 4:36Speaker 01

  Oh yeah, I was, I was getting right into it. And then, and then my wife gets pregnant and she's not drinking and I was probably quite unpleasant to live with. And I thought, ah, out of solidarity, I won't drink with her, you know? And then, you know, look, I, I, I, I very clearly had a drinking problem and, and it played out in front of people so many times, you know? I had my third special, we're here to promote my 10th special, uh, Two Limb Policy out on Netflix right now, but my third special was called, um, Fully Functional. And it was all about how I had given up alcohol and I was, you know, fully functional and I was doing comedy sober and I, then I was drunk in the next one.

• 5:17Theo Von?

  Wow.

• 5:17Speaker 01

  You know what I mean? And so it's very hard and I've watched people do this that are in the limelight where you go, I'm giving up drink and you put a big flag in the ground and you say, I'm a non-drinker. And then you let everyone down.

• 5:28Theo Von?

  Yeah.

• 5:29Speaker 01

  You know, you let everyone down when you slip up and all that type of stuff. So I kept the first bit of my sobriety sort of to myself until I came out of COVID. I was a couple of years in before I started telling people. And now I don't really miss it. I tell you what, I missed a cigarette. I went and saw Oasis in concert and they were playing cigarettes and alcohol and people were lighting up in Wembley Stadium. And just like, there's so many people smoking, security wasn't doing fuck all.

• 5:53Theo Von?

  Yeah.

• 5:53Speaker 01

  And I was like, I, I was like, yeah, I, I wanted to light up more than, than I ever have. But I, I, I pushed through that, you know? And I had a tragedy in my life. I didn't smoke. Cause they always say with smokers, they go, um, you're always a smoker when the, you know, the chips are down.

• 6:08Theo Von?

  Yeah.

• 6:08Speaker 01

  Right? And I had a big tragedy in my life and I didn't light up. So I, I would think I've kicked that. Well, I hope I have.

• 6:14Theo Von?

  So it kind of taught you a lesson or showed you, you had some progress or something right there? Dude, yeah, I remember like, cause in one of your specials, I, I distinctly remember you like having a beer and getting through your beer pretty quick. And then like, I even remember, I think there was one where there was a couple of glasses sitting on a table, like empty glasses.

• 6:30Speaker 01

  I think people thought this was a thing on one of my specials, I had a big wooden box on the thing. And I would pull a beer from out of the wooden box and the crowd would cheer each time because, oh, he's bringing out another and he's bringing another. But we all know you record two uh shows for a special, right? You do two performances, uh you primarily use one and then maybe edit a joke in that you haven't done or whatever like that. And so for continuity, um we had to hide the pints behind the box. So but we edited in every pint that I did drink, so it does.

• 7:00Speaker 01

  It did, it did look like I had a few.

• 7:02Theo Von?

  It's looking at a, I was like, God, he's fucking doing it.

• 7:04Speaker 01

  I think it was, because it was like six pints in an hour, you can't, like, no one's doing six pints an hour. I was doing three pints in each hour and six pints in an hour seems a little excessive.

• 7:14Theo Von?

  It's a lot. Yeah, it seems like a lot.

• 7:16Speaker 01

  You don't drink, right? How long have you been?

• 7:18Theo Von?

  I had probably, I think in my, the most time I had, I probably had six years. And then I had two, one, then I've I've had like groups of months, you know?

• 7:29Speaker 01

  That's exact, so when I did fully function, I had two years, got drunk again, then had a year and now we're on a five year.

• 7:36Theo Von?

  Yeah.

• 7:36Speaker 01

  And so I'm, I don't know if I'll, you know, maybe I'll drink again. But the problem is every time I've taken drinking back up, every time I've taken it back up, I've been good for six months.

• 7:47Theo Von?

  Right.

• 7:47Speaker 01

  It's like, it's not like I become like Barney Gumbel and take a sip and go, oh, like that. I'm like, all right, I had two, I'm good. And then I think I can handle, I think I can handle, I think I can handle. And then I'm back to.

• 7:58Theo Von?

  What happens?

• 7:59Speaker 01

  Wait, I'm I'm a sloppy drunk.

• 8:00Theo Von?

  Are you? Does that mean, is it, what comes out of you? Is it like aggression? Is it yelling at a neighbor? Is it racism? Like, how do you notice it flare up, you know?

• 8:08Speaker 01

  It's blackout, man. I don't remember a single thing. And so then also when you add fame into the mix and someone will say, hey, I met you and then you did A B C. Or you said this, that and the other, you can't even prove them wrong. And even when it's something where you go, I've never done that. That doesn't sound like me at all. I can't remember the night at all. I was blacking out and that's why it sort of got comfortable at home with. Who gives a fuck if you black out at home?

• 8:34Theo Von?

  Yeah, everybody says a virus, people are dying or whatever. Fat people are coughing to death. Like, yeah, it's a different time, you know?

• 8:41Speaker 01

  But also like when you stop cocaine, you stop cocaine, I started to look more drunk. That's when people were getting into me going, you need to take control of your drinking. And you're like, oh, no, no, no, I've just given up another thing.

• 8:52Theo Von?

  Yeah.

• 8:52Speaker 01

  I'm actually in recovery this way, but I just look worse because I'm sweating and I'm, you know, cause cocaine keeps you upright.

• 8:59Theo Von?

  Yeah, it helps with the posture.

• 9:01Speaker 01

  Good for the posture.

• 9:04Theo Von?

  Oh, definitely. You see a guy like, fuck.

• 9:06Speaker 01

  Straight up.

• 9:07Theo Von?

  Here we go. I'm back. I'm a fucking buoy. I, uh, did your kid notice or anything like that or no?

• 9:14Speaker 01

  My, yeah, my little boy at that stage would have been about seven and he knew when I was drunk. Yeah. And, and there was definitely times that, that he would be like a child out of a movie. Daddy, are you having a drink again? You know what I mean? Where you're like, yes. Where'd you hear that sentence? Was that from the lady I gave a house to? You know what I mean?

• 9:38Speaker 01

  But, uh, yeah, daddy, you're having a drink. But he laughs about it now, like.

• 9:42Theo Von?

  Sounds like a song.

• 9:43Speaker 01

  I think he was just teasing me really. I don't think he was ever bothered or upset about it.

• 9:47Theo Von?

  Yeah, maybe he just had a really good sense of humor, you know?

• 9:50Speaker 01

  He's got a great sense of humor, my boy. He's got a great sense of humor.

• 9:53Theo Von?

  Does he?

• 9:54Speaker 01

  Yeah, he does. It's, I've got nieces and nephews and, um, obviously my kids and me, I've got two brothers and one brother is very nice man, uh, has a good sense of humor, can't tell a joke to save his life.

• 10:07Theo Von?

  Yeah.

• 10:08Speaker 01

  And then I've got another brother who's, is as funny as me and you, you might not think I'm funny, but like me and him are both the funny ones, right? Me and him sort of get together like we're in a Jedi council and we decide who's got the gift or not. When the children are about three or four, you start going, oh, I think it's strong with this one.

• 10:27Theo Von?

  Oh, yeah, yeah.

• 10:28Speaker 01

  So I've got, I've got both my boys, I think have it.

• 10:30Theo Von?

  Like guessing if your kids are gay too, they do that. Kind of the same thing.

• 10:34Speaker 01

  Yeah, you start to look early, you go, I don't know about it. Yeah, maybe, it's all right though. As long as he's happy.

• 10:42Speaker 01

  Uh, yeah, so I've got, I've got a, I've got a couple of, uh, out of, I won't say who because they might all listen to this. So out of, out of my, uh, five nephews and nieces, two of them have it.

• 10:55Theo Von?

  Hmm.

• 10:55Speaker 01

  Two, two of them have it. I won't say which ones, but they know, they know who it is. They know who they are.

• 11:01Theo Von?

  Yeah, it is kind of funny to see kids develop and then you start to see their personality. And then like, yeah, when they do something that makes you laugh, or they have like a unique way of looking at things, or if they start to seem cool.

• 11:11Speaker 01

  Hmm.

• 11:11Theo Von?

  That's pretty neat. You're like, oh, this kid's fucking cool. That's dope.

• 11:14Speaker 01

  Um, I had, I, I was talking about the tragedy. I, I don't know why I'm bringing, I had a.

• 11:18Theo Von?

  Yeah, no, you said that something had occurred.

• 11:20Speaker 01

  I, well, I, my nephew died in a helicopter accident.

• 11:23Theo Von?

  Oh.

• 11:24Speaker 01

  Yeah. And we made the news in Australia and I want to sort of talk about it a little bit because, uh, there's been a cover up by what I believe the Australian government. So I'm getting into conspiracy theory shit now.

• 11:34Theo Von?

  Welcome.

• 11:35Speaker 01

  But, okay, so you can check this online. Uh, my nephew Lieutenant, uh, Max Nugent was in a helicopter. Now, how, how Australian a death is this? He crashed a helicopter up near the, bit above the Great Barrier Reef. Um, for the military and was eaten by sharks, like his remains, there was no remains left. So that's pretty Australian, you know, that's pretty.

• 11:56Theo Von?

  I mean, it's a high velocity. It almost sounds like something that would be sponsored by Red Bull, to be honest, you know?

• 12:00Speaker 01

  So he was, he was on, uh.

• 12:02Theo Von?

  Pretty high velocity.

• 12:03Speaker 01

  He was on military war games, flying a Type 1 helicopter and they were in a group of four, um, flying along. Um, A- America was there as well. There was 30,000 soldiers from all of our allies around the world.

• 12:16Theo Von?

  Hmm.

• 12:16Speaker 01

  And, uh, the, the helicopter crashes.

• 12:19Theo Von?

  So it's a games, it's a competition?

• 12:21Speaker 01

  They, they play basic war games and stuff like that. So in formation, four, uh, Type 1 helicopters. The helicopter crashes, they wear these helmets that, uh, were completely, it's just like, all the readings are in there. You know, I don't know why they can't just do it in an office, like a drone, you know what I mean? But, but, but they're in the helicopter and they're looking all their things. Uh, the helicopter hits the water, the four men on the helicopter die instantly. Um, and.

• 12:47Speaker 01

  Within a matter of a couple of weeks, Australia had decommissioned the helicopters, taken them apart and buried them in the desert. Uh, the Ukraine said, we'll take the helicopters and the Australians went, no, no, no, no, no. Don't you worry about that. Then my brother and my niece and my sister in law had to sit through an inquiry that went on

• 13:09Speaker 01

  for almost two years.

• 13:12Speaker 01

  Whether the government was responsible or not, where the test pilot stood up and said that those helmets were defective and would end in industrial manslaughter, right?

• 13:21Theo Von?

  So this was documented that they.

• 13:23Speaker 01

  This, this was documented in the inquiry, right? It's like watching A Few Good Men, like talking about the military and the government trying to cover its arse. Said that it would, they also, the weather envi, it was raining really badly. Other countries didn't go out on patrol that day. They said the weather was too bad. The soldiers were too tired. One of the soldiers said that they were so tired, they couldn't fly the aircraft. And then my nephew stepped in. To actually do it. There's just so, and it was just so much bullshit. And then they made it until they had, I believe, five days to actually put in a civil suit to sue the government. Or the statute of limitations ran out and the inquiry ended with five days. Who has five fucking days to get a law? They, they dragged it out.

• 14:08Theo Von?

  On purpose.

• 14:09Speaker 01

  On purpose, so that we, now I get that the world's going to war. Well, the world's, it, it's, we're in a war. Everyone, i- i- i- whether it kicks off more, who knows, right? But the Australian military might be going into a war scene pretty soon, right? Anything you guys do, we'll do as well.

• 14:27Theo Von?

  Yeah.

• 14:28Speaker 01

  Right? And so they can't be paying out every soldier who dies or whatever like that. But this was not, this was a, a war games. There was, there was things that weren't followed. There was things that have been, there's literally helicopters that have been buried. If you want to find an Australian Type 10 fucking helicopter, you need a treasure map, mate. So I just, the only reason I'm bringing it up here on the show.

• 14:51Theo Von?

  No, let's bring it up if it's wrong.

• 14:52Speaker 01

  Is you've got such a, a, a big platform mate, and I just wanted to sort of get that bit of information out. You can go onto my Instagram, I've put up all the clips there, or just, just Google the, the accident. Uh, I'm not a big conspiracy theory guy, but uh, it seems pretty shady to me.

• 15:08Theo Von?

  And were you able to, um, were you able to, like, how do you even go about combating that? Or like getting in investigations into this?

• 15:17Speaker 01

  Uh, um, I don't know. I think, I think I'm doing it right now.

• 15:23Theo Von?

  Yeah.

• 15:24Speaker 01

  I think this is all I can physically do. At the very least, I'd like my nephew's death not to be forgotten.

• 15:31Theo Von?

  Mm-hmm.

• 15:31Speaker 01

  Um, I'd like him to be remembered and uh, what I've seen my brother go through, you wouldn't put onto any parent. Losing their child, right? You wouldn't put it onto anybody.

• 15:41Theo Von?

  Let's bring up a picture of Mr Nugent.

• 15:42Speaker 01

  Uh, Max Nugent, Max Nugent, Lieutenant, the thing is he grew a moustache just before he.

• 15:48Theo Von?

  Oh, hell yeah.

• 15:49Speaker 01

  Yeah, cause he, there, there he is. He, he looked like he was, he looked like he was from the nineteen fort. He looked like he'd just come back from beating some Germans, didn't he?

• 15:59Theo Von?

  He definitely looks like a time traveler.

• 16:02Speaker 01

  He was ready to go, old Max.

• 16:04Theo Von?

  Hello, Max.

• 16:04Speaker 01

  That, that boy, mate, I, I was, I, I remember, I remember when he was born and he was one of those guys, he just never disappointed. Every step along the way, he, he, he wanted to be a fighter pilot, but he was six foot six.

• 16:17Theo Von?

  Oh.

• 16:17Speaker 01

  Um, so I had to go in the helicopters, but.

• 16:20Theo Von?

  Oh, cause there's more room in there.

• 16:21Speaker 01

  Yeah, a bit more leg space.

• 16:22Theo Von?

  Yeah, I could see that, no?

• 16:23Speaker 01

  More leg space. You don't want to be in a fighter jet and be a real tall guy.

• 16:26Theo Von?

  Yeah, with your legs or something like that?

• 16:28Speaker 01

  Like that, oh, Maverick.

• 16:31Speaker 01

  But.

• 16:32Theo Von?

  He's moving the throttle with his foot. Did, um, was he your first nephew?

• 16:35Speaker 01

  He was my first nephew.

• 16:36Theo Von?

  Oh, man.

• 16:37Speaker 01

  He's, uh, I, I keep on getting his age wrong in every interview. I believe he was twenty-three. I believe he was twenty-three. He was very young.

• 16:42Theo Von?

  And was he married or no?

• 16:43Speaker 01

  He had a girlfriend.

• 16:44Theo Von?

  Oh, wow.

• 16:45Speaker 01

  Um, but that he'd been living with for a very short amount of time.

• 16:48Theo Von?

  Hell, yeah. Put the bills on her.

• 16:49Speaker 01

  But uh, uh, he, uh, he, he was just starting out in life. He'd just gone through all the training and stuff and graduated to be actually become the helicopter pilot. And actually be a real, you know, you know, for every, everybody in the military that sees battle, I think there's 12 people behind them who are catering and supplies and this, that and the other. You know, they're the rock stars, man. The, the fighter pilots and the helicopter pilots and stuff. We were proud of him.

• 17:14Theo Von?

  Oh, they're the heroes. I'm sure you were. He looks like somebody very much to be proud of. That's why I wanted to get a good look at him.

• 17:19Speaker 01

  When Australia goes to war, we don't, you know, that's the first bloke we send in. We send in the planes and the helicopters. That's the first bit of assistance we send in. You know, like, I don't know if you know this, but Australia's, I believe, and New Zealand, I gotta give New Zealand credit, but Australia and New Zealand are the only country that have fought alongside you for, for, uh, for over 200 years.

• 17:42Theo Von?

  Wow.

• 17:42Speaker 01

  Other countries are dipped in and out. Just for example, Britain never went to Vietnam. Australia went to Vietnam, right? We, we, I don't know if we.

• 17:49Theo Von?

  You've been there. You don't get enough.

• 17:50Speaker 01

  I don't know if Australia gets enough credit.

• 17:52Theo Von?

  Yeah.

• 17:52Speaker 01

  It's, it's like Trump slapping fucking tariffs on Australia. I'm a bit like, what the fuck are you doing there, man? Where are you guys?

• 17:59Theo Von?

  Yeah, these are fucking, these are fucking, our, our kangaroo mates.

• 18:03Speaker 01

  I know, I know you're very popular in Australia, yeah?

• 18:06Theo Von?

  We had a good time over there. Dude, it was so much fun. But yeah, I don't understand some of what Trump's energy is about a lot of these types of things. You know, it's very bizarre, you know, and I think it's just getting more, it's, it, the government feels further and further away from the people more than ever. But I think it's nice that countries like yours, a lot of countries have spoken up like about what's happening in the Middle East. And I feel like can have had a voice into, it, it's been, um.

• 18:28Speaker 01

  We have people now recognizing Palestine as a state.

• 18:31Theo Von?

  Yeah, to see these, see prime ministers do that, it's important.

• 18:33Speaker 01

  You, you, you know, like, like to, to tariff Australia is pretty weird. We buy three times more stuff from you than you buy from us. Why would you? You know, the, the big example they gave was Australian beef. That, that you guys buy 26 billion dollars worth of Australian beef and we buy no beef from you. And it's like, well, why would we? You want it? We've got the beef you want.

• 18:54Theo Von?

  Yeah.

• 18:54Speaker 01

  We've already got it. Hurry, God, it's like, like, buy, that's like me, like, buying, paying for a prostitute and ringing her up the next week and going, I'd like to do it again. But this time you'll pay, you know what I mean? Like, like, you've never seen on the bottom of, like, you see on the bottom of a menu, it always says Australian Wagyu. You've never seen in an American restaurant, Australian restaurant, the bottom, American beef.

• 19:17Theo Von?

  Yeah, like Milwaukee Wagyu or whatever, you know?

• 19:20Speaker 01

  Yeah, no, it's, it's like, like, what do you really buy from us? You buy sheepskin, red wine, beef? And, uh, gold and diamonds and so, it's luxury items.

• 19:31Theo Von?

  Yeah.

• 19:32Speaker 01

  You buy luxury items. It's not like we're fucking manufacturing fucking Happy Meal toys in Australia in factories. And like, like, those are jobs that could go to the Americans. Th- these aren't jobs that can go to the Americans. It's our goal. It's our diamond. It's our, you know what I mean? Like, mate, let's see what's here. Meat and edibles.

• 19:49Theo Von?

  Pearls, ooh.

• 19:50Speaker 01

  Pharmaceutical, I didn't know that we, we did that.

• 19:53Theo Von?

  That's beautiful.

• 19:54Speaker 01

  Uh, who's buying electric equipment from Australia? Now, I would advise against that. After what's happened with the helmet.

• 20:03Speaker 01

  After what's happened with my nephew's helmet, don't be buying any Australian Samsung or whatever the fuck we call it.

• 20:09Theo Von?

  So let's steer clear from their VR stuff. We don't need any virtual reality from over there. Did they have, um, so they said that his plane went down and then they don't really know what happened?

• 20:19Speaker 01

  Uh, they said it was pilot error in the end, but they didn't know, cause the, the masks invert. But at the end of the day, the weather wasn't right and they shouldn't have been flying with, with, with, like, other countries didn't go out. And there's meant to be a certain amount of sleep that the soldiers are meant to have before and all that stuff. I would look up, it was actually turned out to be that my nephew, there was two blokes in the back of the helicopter and the two pilots at the front. And you know, the first fear you have is, was he experienced enough? Was he the one holding the controls? Um, and he wasn't. It was the more senior pilot that was holding it. My nephew wasn't holding at the time, but I have no ill will to him, of course, you know, like it's, it's, it's an accident, but.

• 21:01Speaker 01

  You know, my family had to listen to the black box and that took a year before they played that of going in and listening to legal fucking shit going over and over again and we'll adjourn in a month and we'll do some more and we'll adjourn a week and they they spent all their holiday pay and all their days off having to watch, try to get justice for their son. And then at the end they went, ah, pilot error, ah, you can't sue or anything like that. There'll be no money paid out. If you want to sue, you've got five days to get it done. Right? Um, that, what was your question again? Sorry. It was, okay. So, yeah, so there was another bloke, another bloke actually driving it, but the, you know, the, the, the, um, black box is just really my nephew going, well, it's looking a bit dodgy. Pull up, pull up,

• 21:44Speaker 01

  pull up. That's all you really get. You know, you get his final words and that's pretty harrowing to have to listen to the final words of someone. You know, it's not like they're words of wisdom. They're, they're words of fear right at the end there.

• 21:55Theo Von?

  Has it, has it been, um, man, God, it's so heartbreaking. Has it been hard to like be a supportive brother after that? Like was that, has that been like a challenge or interesting? Or what does that kind of turn into?

• 22:07Speaker 01

  It, it's been.

• 22:08Theo Von?

  Not hard, but what is that like? Cause I.

• 22:10Speaker 01

  I, I, I, look, I, there, there's a, there's a field piece I once did on the Jim Jeffy show that, that, that shows me and my brother's relationship because he was a police officer and I did a ride along in his car and it was just a lot of me taking the piss out of my brother and he took it in pretty good jest. Um, uh, it, there's nothing to say when someone's child dies. You, you can just be there and you can just hug him and stuff. The only thing I could do was get on a plane right away as soon as, as soon as I knew, you know what I mean? But in some strange way, so I've got two brothers and that, those two haven't always gotten along. They, they don't dislike, they don't dislike each other. They're just very different.

• 22:47Theo Von?

  Yeah, they're different for sure.

• 22:48Speaker 01

  Just, just different dudes, man. And, uh, it's sort of, it's brought them closer together because when the shit hit the fan, the whole family was there right away. Everyone was there right away, you know? Uh, I remember going, I, I got there, I got on the first plane. I got there and then my brother was waiting out the front. My other brother was waiting at the front. He goes, I don't wanna go in uh before you go in. I wanna go in with you. I just don't, I, I, he, he didn't know what to do.

• 23:13Theo Von?

  Yeah.

• 23:13Speaker 01

  You know, so I was terrible. And watching my granddad, you know, I'm, I'm glad my mother's dead for it, to be honest, that she didn't have to be around for it. You know, what's the matter, living a few more years to see your grandchild die?

• 23:24Theo Von?

  Oh.

• 23:25Speaker 01

  You know what I mean? So I, I mean, I know this is meant to be a fun podcast, but I was just like, let's talk, let's talk about Chris Lilly, mate. Let's talk about fucking Chris Lilly. Or my comedy special, Two Lems Special, coming out.

• 23:35Theo Von?

  Yeah, we'll get right into it. But Max, uh, Max Nugent, thank you so much for your service, sir.

• 23:40Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 23:41Theo Von?

  And uh happy to be thinking of you today. We'll get, you know what? We'll get a nice photo of him. If it's okay with you and your brother, maybe we can put it in here on the desk or something?

• 23:47Speaker 01

  Yeah, yeah, yeah. No, that would be wonderful. Thank you. That would mean a lot to me.

• 23:50Theo Von?

  That'd be cool. It'd be nice to have him in here with that stash too, you know?

• 23:54Speaker 01

  He was uh, yeah, he was great. He was, he was, strangely, I remember thinking when he became, when he went to Duntrun, uh, which is like Sandhurst, or I don't know what you call it, in, what's the big military academy in America?

• 24:08Theo Von?

  Um. West Point. West Point?

• 24:09Speaker 01

  West Point. Yeah. So, so Duntrun is the equivalent of West Point.

• 24:12Theo Von?

  Oh, yeah.

• 24:13Speaker 01

  And he didn't get in the first time. And he studied and he worked as a bartender or whatever. And then he got in the next time. And I remember thinking like, he was just such a committed lad. And then he finished really high, top of his grade. And even though he was my nephew, even though I am over, you know, twenty, I was twenty-five years older than the bloke.

• 24:34Theo Von?

  Yeah.

• 24:34Speaker 01

  I looked up to him.

• 24:35Theo Von?

  Oh.

• 24:36Speaker 01

  You know what I mean? I looked up to him. I thought I was, he was kind of like a, a cool guy. And in the same way, like, I went and did a gig the other day with the Dodgers. And I'm like, why am I gushing over some twenty-five-year-old lads?

• 24:48Theo Von?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 24:49Speaker 01

  But a fighter pilot who was my nephew, my blood was fucking doing that, man.

• 24:53Theo Von?

  Yeah.

• 24:54Speaker 01

  And I, I looked up to him.

• 24:56Theo Von?

  That's cool.

• 24:57Speaker 01

  Sorry.

• 24:57Theo Von?

  No, it's admirable.

• 25:02Theo Von?

  Well, I look up to him too.

• 25:04Speaker 01

  Thank you.

• 25:04Theo Von?

  You know?

• 25:05Speaker 01

  Thank you.

• 25:05Theo Von?

  No, I like getting to think it. It's important.

• 25:07Speaker 01

  Yeah, thank you.

• 25:08Theo Von?

  It's important to think about people that mean something to you. And I believe that people can feel you thinking about him in the, in the, like, I think that it's a real thing. Like, you know, I think it's important that we think about people like that, man. He fucking was a, this dude was a fucking boss.

• 25:23Speaker 01

  Yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And you know what? I take some solace in that he was doing the job that he always wanted to do since he was a little kid.

• 25:32Theo Von?

  Yeah, he lived his dream.

• 25:33Speaker 01

  They reckon the last time they saw him, he put his machine gun over his shoulder, his, his automatic shoulder. He jumped in the helicopter and he gave a thumbs up and a smile.

• 25:41Theo Von?

  Yeah.

• 25:42Speaker 01

  And he was over the moon because the other person dropped out and Max was first person with his hand up. And so, you know, it, it, it, it wasn't a senseless death. It wasn't a, you know, like a car accident, which I'm not going, you know, people have tragedies all their life. At least it was, you know, it wasn't fentanyl. At least it was something, you know, off being a fucking hero, bro.

• 26:03Theo Von?

  Yeah.

• 26:04Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 26:04Theo Von?

  Yeah, dude. It is cool.

• 26:06Speaker 01

  Yeah, yeah.

• 26:07Theo Von?

  You know? That is exciting.

• 26:08Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 26:09Theo Von?

  Yeah, shout out Max, dude. Fucking, he's still out there in the air, probably fucking, dude, well, look, that's another reason we shouldn't be tariffing these people. These guys are fricking putting their lives on the line. They've done that for America before.

• 26:19Speaker 01

  Yeah, we, well, we always show up for the wars.

• 26:22Theo Von?

  Always you pop by.

• 26:23Speaker 01

  Yeah, yeah, it's, you know what? You kind of need us. Australia, America, I, I know you're saying, oh, who cares? A country of 23 million and another country of 3.5 million in New Zealand. So let's, you know, 26, 27 million people, we're in a country of 330 million, right? What do you care about that? Well, strategically, you kind of need us. We have nuclear submarines that, uh, you know.

• 26:49Theo Von?

  Really?

• 26:49Speaker 01

  Yeah, involved with the Americans, sitting up at the top of our country because if, if China fucking goes, bro.

• 26:56Theo Von?

  You're gonna have to be there first.

• 26:58Speaker 01

  You need us.

• 26:59Theo Von?

  Fuck, oh, yeah.

• 27:00Speaker 01

  You need us.

• 27:01Theo Von?

  Dude, that's gonna be crazy. I would watch that if I, if I saw, if the Chinese got to fight Australia, I would fucking tune in for that.

• 27:07Speaker 01

  Okay, so there we, there we go.

• 27:08Theo Von?

  Yeah, boy, you're big talks, huh? Oh, there's the black one at the top. You can tell that.

• 27:14Speaker 01

  Currently under, currently under, uh, uh, construction. I don't know how to make it. I assume it's like Ikea or Lego or something like that. You'd be off to go. Hopefully it's not the same bloke who made the fucking helmets, you know, but.

• 27:28Speaker 01

  But, but yeah, we're good to go.

• 27:30Theo Von?

  Oh, that's awesome. Yeah, we get, yeah, I think it's, I don't know what they're doing. I don't know what some of the strategies are. And you start to realize that, man, like you, probably throughout time, people have just been like so distant from the, the, the people who are running the show, you know, you all end up just being in the mud. While they're the ones up there pouring the water into the dirt, you know?

• 27:49Speaker 01

  Well, you know, we had our own Pearl Harbor up in Darwin. They bombed it. The movie Australia.

• 27:53Theo Von?

  Gallipoli?

• 27:54Speaker 01

  Uh, no, Gallipoli was when we went and fought the Turks, the Turks. I shouldn't say the Turks. What am I fucking?

• 27:59Theo Von?

  It's fine.

• 27:59Speaker 01

  The, the, yeah, I guess.

• 28:01Theo Von?

  The young Turks and a Caspian?

• 28:03Speaker 01

  But we fought the Turkish and you would have seen the Mel Gibson movie. That was, but we had an invasion on Australian land in Darwin. They bombed it. Similar time to what happened with Pearl Harbor. They went after us as well.

• 28:15Theo Von?

  The Jays, the Japanese?

• 28:16Speaker 01

  And it, and it hasn't really, it's in the movie Australia with Hugh Jackman and Nicole Kidman. That's what it, what it's about. But I don't know if, you know, you've seen that film, but, but we had our own, we had our own thing going on as well.

• 28:28Theo Von?

  Fuck yeah.

• 28:28Speaker 01

  Uh, more than 230 people were killed, civilians and military people with hundreds more wounded. Uh, 68 air raids, you know, it was pretty amazing.

• 28:39Theo Von?

  And what happened after this, after the attack happened?

• 28:42Speaker 01

  Um, well, we just carried on with World War Two, didn't we?

• 28:47Theo Von?

  Yes, we did.

• 28:49Speaker 01

  We beat the fucking Germans, man. That's what happened. They, they, they had a few wins. We won the war, man.

• 28:55Theo Von?

  That was it.

• 28:55Speaker 01

  We won the war.

• 28:56Theo Von?

  That was it.

• 28:57Speaker 01

  It's, it's, it's funny. I'm looking at my special at the moment. I wanted to call my special Hitler.

• 29:01Theo Von?

  Mm hmm.

• 29:01Speaker 01

  Right? I, I've got three Hitler jokes in it. That's the only reason I wanted to call it Hitler. I'm not a fan of Hitler. I'm not pro Hitler. I've just got three. And I was thinking to myself, because everything's about algorithm.

• 29:11Theo Von?

  Yeah.

• 29:11Speaker 01

  Right? How's the algorithm? Who's? Who gets searched more than Hitler?

• 29:16Theo Von?

  Yeah.

• 29:17Speaker 01

  Who gets to, I type his name into Netflix all the time if I'm bored and I wanna watch a documentary. I'm, I'm not, I don't put like a heart emoji next to it. I just, you know, and I thought that could get a few clicks if I called the thing Hitler. Anyway, suffice to say, I had some pushback from Netflix. Netflix were like, ah, I go, it won't be an aggressive font.

• 29:36Theo Von?

  Yeah.

• 29:36Speaker 01

  It'll, it'll be, it'll be a soft font.

• 29:39Theo Von?

  Like Arial or something.

• 29:41Speaker 01

  Yeah, and I, I, so I, I wanted to go Hitler. In the end, I landed on Tulim Policy, which I'm very happy with the name. But, um, but I just got back all the rankings of, you know, where it is in the top 10. I, I, I don't know if it's because I do the Hitler jokes, but out of all of Europe, I'm about to tour Europe right now. I'm about to a full Euro tour. And I sell really well in Germany, but for some reason, Germany and Austria haven't gotten in the top 10. I don't know if there's some shit with them, everywhere around, Poland I'm crushing.

• 30:11Theo Von?

  But Hitler's their guy.

• 30:13Speaker 01

  Yeah, yeah, but they, they, they're not proud of it.

• 30:15Theo Von?

  No, some of them are.

• 30:17Speaker 01

  They're not, they're not.

• 30:17Theo Von?

  Tulim Policy right there.

• 30:19Speaker 01

  There we are, Tulim Policy. Now, the Tulim Policy stands for, after I did my sitcom.

• 30:25Theo Von?

  I know you meet with the veterans after your show, right?

• 30:27Speaker 01

  Uh, I, well, no, I do, I meet with disabled people.

• 30:29Theo Von?

  Disabled, you meet with disabled folks after your show?

• 30:32Speaker 01

  Yeah, yeah. So after my shows, I take photographs with disabled people. But people start, I did a sitcom many years ago that had disabled actors and then I sort of became a thing. And I used to actually just sort of go get the security to go and sort of whisper to the wheelchair seats and go, here's a thing, come back afterwards and.

• 30:49Theo Von?

  Come on around, yeah.

• 30:50Speaker 01

  But people started finding out about that and people would write to me and go, hey, I'm coming to see you perform this weekend. I'm bringing my uncle. He's disabled. Can we come backstage? And you can't write back, how disabled? You know what I mean? And you, and you can't ask for a photo. You just gotta go, cause I kind of fucking dyslexics showing up, right? There needs to be, there needs to be. So as I say in the special, I, I always. Handle the classics, deaf, deaf, blind wheelchair. If you, and also you can't just be like slightly deaf, like you've got to have a dog or a cane.

• 31:21Theo Von?

  You gotta be a beast mask.

• 31:21Speaker 01

  If you're deaf, you've got to have the voice, right? There's no, there's no better way to say it.

• 31:25Theo Von?

  Yeah, I don't like those pseudo blind people like I'm like I'm colorblind or whatever.

• 31:29Speaker 01

  Eighty percent blind.

• 31:30Theo Von?

  Yeah, like I'm colorblind, but I still say the N word. I'm like, what are you doing? You gotta choose a path.

• 31:36Speaker 01

  So, so, uh, so if you aren't one of the classics, I have a two limb policy. So you can't, you can't just be like a fat fuck who lost your foot to diabetes. You know what I mean? That doesn't get you backstage because you had too much candy.

• 31:49Theo Von?

  That's crazy that people are faking that kind of shit.

• 31:51Speaker 01

  No, no one's faking it, but I just decided what was my parameters.

• 31:54Theo Von?

  Got it.

• 31:54Speaker 01

  And no one was faking. I never had anyone coming back. I, I think I was letting the autistic back and uh, some of them were over autisming.

• 32:01Theo Von?

  Oh, yeah, yeah.

• 32:02Speaker 01

  You know what I mean? And I was like, I, I thought, I thought, I don't think this is your real self. I think you're playing this up for the cameras a little bit. Um, so, so, but I do count autism as one limb. So if, if you have a flimmy to my arm and autism. Beautiful.

• 32:20Theo Von?

  You're in.

• 32:20Speaker 01

  Lazy eye or autism. Here we go.

• 32:23Theo Von?

  What about missing an ear?

• 32:24Speaker 01

  Yeah. Oh yeah. I'd do missing an ear all day.

• 32:27Theo Von?

  Yeah.

• 32:27Speaker 01

  Like Mark Chopper Reed.

• 32:28Theo Von?

  Oh, he has one. He had one. You know that moment when you've left your favorite sunglasses at the beach or you gave them to a child or something and he, he, he's gone. You're, you left them on the top of the car. You left them on a gas station, uh, gas pump three states away. You know it. God, that's how I feel, but you don't have to fear anymore because Shady Rays is here. And they're ready to help. Shady Rays sunglasses changed the game for me. They're made for real life. They're durable. They're polarized. They're, they're, they're not stupidly expensive. But here's the wild part. If you lose them or if you break them, even on day one,

• 33:11Theo Von?

  Shady Rays will send you a brand new pair. No guilt trip, just replacements. So now I actually wear my sunglasses without fear. On hikes, at concerts, on the boat, wherever, skydiving, hiding from people. I don't care. I'll have them on. Shady Rays, it's the eyewear that has your back. So we've teamed up with Shady Rays to bring you an exclusive offer. Head to shady rays.com and use code Theo for 35% off polarized sunglasses. Try for yourself the shades rated five stars by over 300,000 people. Shady rays.com code Theo. What happens when your health becomes the punchline?

• 33:56Theo Von?

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• 34:39Theo Von?

  I make my smoothie, I crack open my Armra packet, bam. And I'm Colostrum, homie. One of the positive effects of Armra for me has been I feel just more satiated. My system feels more satiated. I don't feel like as rattly. I don't feel as frenetic. And for me, that's, um, that's good. And for you, we've worked out a special offer for our audience. You can receive 15% off your first order. Go to tryarmra.com/ Theo or enter Theo to get 15% off your first order, baby. That's T R Y A R M R A dot com slash T H E O.

• 35:22Speaker 01

  You ever seen, have you ever seen the movie? You ever seen the movie Chopper?

• 35:25Theo Von?

  Uh, uh, I haven't.

• 35:26Speaker 01

  This is my gift to you. Go see the movie. That's Eric Banner's first dramatic role, right? Before that, Eric Banner, you know, the actor Eric Banner? Eric Banner was a stand-up comedian.

• 35:38Speaker 01

  You'd seen him perform before? Yeah, yeah, he was famous in Australia. Fuck, yeah. He was, he was doing, um, he did characters, he used to do impersonations and all that type of stuff. He even had a show called the Eric Banner Show where he played. Now, that's the real Chopper Reed, right? So the one up in the top corner there, the one next to him is the, is the real guy. Chopper. Now, if you look at him, he doesn't have ears. Oh, yeah, huh? Right? He's kind of drawn on. Right, so what happened was he killed a whole lot of people, then he went in prison, then there was a mark on him where they were like, uh, fifty, I'm saying an arbitrary number, fifty thousand dollars to kill Mark Reed. Yeah. Right? And so he said, I need to be moved out of the cell block. I can't be in this cell block, everyone's trying to kill me. They're trying to kill me, that'll true. And the governor's like, I can't help you, Mark. Yeah, man, seats taken, yeah. Oh.

• 36:23Speaker 01

  Why did he take his ears off so he didn't want to hear about it? Because, because he has to go into the hospital in the infirmary or they'll move him or something like that for his own safety. He got his ears cut off. He got another bloke to do it with a razor and fucking peel it off. It's a banger of a movie. Now, when you see the movie, right? So the movie is Eric Banner is unbelievable. It, it's, it's what made Eric Banner a star. He was just a stand-up comic in Australia, who'd been in a little movie called The Castle, which is a great comedy, that's another podcast. And then Eric Banner becomes Chopper. Mm-hmm. And, um, does his thing and he gains tons of weight, gets really fat for it and all that type of stuff. And then his next movie, I believe, is The Hulk or Black Hawk Down, and then he's in fucking Troy. Wow. With, you know what I mean?

• 37:05Speaker 01

  Like, it's kind, yeah, so Chopper, Black Hawk Down, another Australian movie, then he's the fucking Hulk, and then he's, then he's with bloody Brad Pitt. Oh, with the good-looking people. Yeah. When they put you with the good-looking people, you're doing good. Yeah, Munich, that's, that's, uh, that's Steven Spielberg, Munich. Like, it went for, it went from zero to a hundred very quick. Wow. You know, like, and he was, as I said, just a stand-up comedian. And he still lives in Australia? He still lives in Australia. Yeah. Still lives in Australia, and I don't think he does stand up anymore. I've spoken to him online a couple of times, as one Australian to another type of thing. Uh, I think he one time, um, saw one of my specials and was like, uh, I enjoyed it. You know, that's the only chat I've had. So cool, though.

• 37:48Speaker 01

  But this is the weird thing, there's like, people you like, you get, you, you get to speak to fucking Donald Trump and Bernie Sanders. You get to meet both sides of the whole world. Plus, you get to interview whoever the fuck. When you get to a certain level of fame, there's people you can just sort of reach out to and go, hey, and then just see if something comes back. Like, so at the moment, I'm wearing my favorite entertainer in the world, and I wore this T-shirt because you're the only interview I've ever found of Chris Lilly.

• 38:16Theo Von?

  Dude, well, he, first of all, yeah, I remember asking you last time that we talked if you had met him. Um, and you hadn't yet.

• 38:24Speaker 01

  No, still haven't. I've only spoken to him online. I've never heard his voice. I've, I, I, I, he once came to one of my shows and he wrote, oh, I was just at your show. He's really funny, good stuff or whatever, but he didn't come backstage.

• 38:35Theo Von?

  Oh, he's kind of, he's kind of like a, um, he's a little bit of like a missing person, kind of.

• 38:40Speaker 01

  He's, he's an introvert, but he's a genius.

• 38:43Theo Von?

  Oh, he's magical.

• 38:44Speaker 01

  He's a gen, his TV shows, it was like, I wanted, I started showing his shows to my son when he was 11.

• 38:50Theo Von?

  He's a magic baby.

• 38:51Speaker 01

  And then just to see what he's, if, if he went, this is brilliant, I knew that my son actually knew comedy.

• 38:57Theo Von?

  And was gonna be a good person.

• 38:58Speaker 01

  Knew what comedy was. And then, or if he went, oh, I don't really get it. This is boring or whatever. What's a guy, because it's one guy playing all the different characters and all that stuff. And he got cancelled for the wrong reasons.

• 39:10Theo Von?

  Summer High Tide, yeah, it was one of the best shows ever, first of all.

• 39:12Speaker 01

  Summer High Tide is unbelievable. Jemai Private School. Now he's got a podcast of Mr. G, who's my favorite character.

• 39:18Theo Von?

  Oh, yeah.

• 39:20Speaker 01

  But.

• 39:20Theo Von?

  Bad habit for drugs.

• 39:22Speaker 01

  Yeah, yeah, yeah. She's a naughty girl with a bad habit. Bad habit for drugs. Ecstasy. Ecstasy. Yeah, he's the fucking, he is, I'm gonna. For Australia, right?

• 39:38Theo Von?

  Yeah.

• 39:39Speaker 01

  I'm gonna say he's the greatest Australian entertainer we've ever had. I'm including Hugh Jackman, Russell Crowe. I'm including fucking ACDC, man. Right? Right? And these are, all those people I love.

• 39:51Theo Von?

  Oh, yeah.

• 39:52Speaker 01

  I'm very proud to say from Australia.

• 39:54Theo Von?

  Volkanovski also.

• 39:55Speaker 01

  If he's Volkanovski.

• 39:57Theo Von?

  Alexander Volkanovski. Is he New Zealand? He's Australian.

• 40:00Speaker 01

  Australian. I haven't, I haven't lived there for 20 years. Am I about to be in trouble?

• 40:04Theo Von?

  He's UFC guy, no.

• 40:05Speaker 01

  Oh, no, I don't follow the UFC.

• 40:06Theo Von?

  Oh, you don't? That's good then. No, he's a class athlete.

• 40:08Speaker 01

  I don't, no, no, athletes, athletes is a different thing. I'm talking about, I'm talking about, about entertainer. No, we've had some great athletes, man. Do you know that?

• 40:18Theo Von?

  Ben Simmons was kinda mid.

• 40:20Speaker 01

  Yeah, but three time All-Star.

• 40:22Theo Von?

  Facts.

• 40:23Speaker 01

  Three time All-Star.

• 40:24Theo Von?

  Never mind.

• 40:24Speaker 01

  Right, right, right. Luke Longley played in the greatest team of all time, was the first Australian in the NBA. When the Dream Team went to play fucking the rest of the world in Barcelona, there was only six players, international players that were in the NBA, six, and now there was like sixty or seventy in this last one. The Australians actually had like a proper team, but Luke Longley was just a big tall cunt from fucking Fremantle, Perth, brother.

• 40:50Theo Von?

  Yeah.

• 40:51Speaker 01

  Right, and then he's playing with Michael Jordan, and he was the only cunt out there with an accent that wasn't American or Eastern European.

• 40:57Theo Von?

  Yeah.

• 40:58Speaker 01

  Right, like that was pretty, now you've got like Josh Giddy, and you've got Andrew Bogart played before, you've got Daniel Dyson just got the the the block record, the steel record.

• 41:08Theo Von?

  Yeah, Zarvita Zobonis, they got, what's that guy's name, that big guy, Bulgen, Dergan, Bogander.

• 41:15Speaker 02

  Bogdan Bojanovic, but I think he's saying Australian.

• 41:18Speaker 01

  Australian, no, all Australians.

• 41:19Theo Von?

  Oh, I see what you're saying.

• 41:21Speaker 01

  Our Olympic team is all NBA players.

• 41:24Theo Von?

  Yeah.

• 41:24Speaker 01

  It's, I don't understand why Britain hasn't gotten into basketball.

• 41:28Theo Von?

  Yeah.

• 41:29Speaker 01

  Okay, how do I say this, they've got, they've got tall, they've got black people, they've got loads of them, right? They've got, I think, it's a place that it rains every fucking day.

• 41:39Theo Von?

  Yeah.

• 41:40Speaker 01

  It rains every day and you, and in a confined space, and you haven't picked up basketball. That, they're just trying to be fucking difficult.

• 41:50Theo Von?

  Yeah, that's what they're trying to be, they're too fucking, like, eh, we don't know.

• 41:54Speaker 01

  Right.

• 41:54Theo Von?

  Maybe they don't want a bunch of black guys just hanging out in the park or something, I don't know what they're.

• 41:58Speaker 01

  We don't need the park, indoor basketball courts, just get it made. But Travis Bazana, the number one major league pick last year in the draft is from Hornsby.

• 42:08Theo Von?

  Let's go.

• 42:09Speaker 01

  Born the same hospital as me, bro.

• 42:10Theo Von?

  Fuck yeah.

• 42:11Speaker 01

  And this guy, this guy, fucking, this is just a coincidence, me and, me and Chris Lilly, I think the same age, give or take a year.

• 42:18Theo Von?

  Hmm.

• 42:18Speaker 01

  We're the same age, he went to the private school, I believe, up the road from me, and I went to the public school up the road from me, but we grew up in the same bit of the northern suburbs of Sydney.

• 42:27Theo Von?

  Do you remember seeing him as a kid?

• 42:29Speaker 01

  No, I never, I, I, I've never met him, but, but it's just, there, there's every chance that me and him were at the same party or something like that, every fucking chance as kids that we were at the same party, but he, but I was, it's, it's, it's weird when you get that, where you go, oh wow, he, he grew up near me.

• 42:45Theo Von?

  Yeah.

• 42:48Speaker 01

  I fucking, I can't, I can't champion Chris Lilley enough, man.

• 42:52Theo Von?

  Oh dude, I was saw him in uh, in uh Byron Bay, right?

• 42:56Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 42:57Theo Von?

  Right outside of Sydney.

• 42:59Speaker 01

  Byron Bay.

• 43:01Theo Von?

  Oh, no, no. I saw him in um.

• 43:02Speaker 01

  Up in Queensland.

• 43:03Theo Von?

  In Bondi Beach.

• 43:04Speaker 01

  Bondi Beach is, is in Sydney, but it's, it's the, yes, the most famous beach in Australia, yes.

• 43:09Theo Von?

  Oh, beautiful over there. Even the fucking men's is good looking.

• 43:14Speaker 01

  Were you doing the voice then?

• 43:16Theo Von?

  I don't know what I was doing. I just didn't want to seem like a gay guy.

• 43:19Speaker 01

  Even the men's is good looking.

• 43:20Theo Von?

  Even, yeah, it's alright. But I remember he came, we came, we met up for lunch. And I had some other people that I was like, other, other comedians and stuff. And I was like, well, I, you know, he's kind of keeps to himself. So I don't know if I want to have a bunch of people here when he shows up. So, you know, once you guys take, take a walk or whatever. So I walked outside with them. And then when I came back in, he was sitting just like facing the water, like out on this balcony. And then I just went and sat by him and we just sat and talked. He had on like this hat. Um, I'll include some photos from it and stuff, but it was just awesome. Just like, yeah, it's almost like meeting with like a mythical creature kind of in a way. He's so special.

• 43:54Speaker 01

  Yeah, he's as gifted a human being that has ever been.

• 43:58Theo Von?

  To be able to do all that. The bravest part is just to be able to take on all those characters at once, I think. And then just put, put yourself out there that much. Cause you're not saying that, hey, my character's gonna be good. You're gonna say, you're saying five of my characters are gonna be good.

• 44:11Speaker 01

  Brain leaves you and you believe that he's a sixteen year old girl.

• 44:15Theo Von?

  Yeah.

• 44:16Speaker 01

  It just after a little while, you go, now it's one thing for him to be a gay high school drama teacher, right? That's just a wig. He's still a guy and like, but then when you watch Jemai.

• 44:27Theo Von?

  Yeah.

• 44:28Speaker 01

  And you're like, and then like, and also this whole thing that's like, oh, he, he did blackface or we did this, he did that, right?

• 44:34Theo Von?

  Look at him. And he look, he's like a koala.

• 44:39Speaker 01

  But but then to do Jonah from Tonga and there's real genuine moments of heart. There's there's times you can cry watching Jonah that you feel for him so much and that you understand why he's a little shit. It's not just a one dimensional, this kid's a shit stirring troublemaker. And I think that's what people last, they, oh, he's taking the piss out of Tongans. And it's like, yeah, I guess he is, but it's so much more than that.

• 45:04Theo Von?

  Even Tongans fucking loved it, real Tongans loved it. The only people that don't like shit are people that don't own it who want to write articles about it.

• 45:12Speaker 01

  My son went out for Halloween this year as Jonah from Tonga. Didn't do anything with the skin, just the wig, the shirt and the tie.

• 45:18Theo Von?

  Dude, I say go a nice polish, don't do anything heavy, you know what I'm saying? Don't do anything super close to the equator, but I would go with like, you know, yeah, some good bronzer, I think.

• 45:27Speaker 01

  Well, I don't think he was gonna put that much effort in. I think laziness stopped him from being cancelled.

• 45:33Theo Von?

  He's like, stop looking at my dick, mum.

• 45:35Speaker 01

  Yeah, yeah, oh no, oh no, don't do that. What you do that for?

• 45:39Theo Von?

  Stop looking at my dick, miss.

• 45:40Speaker 01

  Oh, miss.

• 45:41Theo Von?

  Yeah, oh, miss. Oh, the best. And then when they start breakdancing and then that other kid comes in and is a better breakdancer.

• 45:48Speaker 01

  This is, I would argue that Chris Lilly is a bit of better breakdancer than Raygun, the Australian lady who entered the Olympics.

• 45:55Theo Von?

  Fuck, yeah.

• 45:56Speaker 01

  And and she put out a bet, did you know about the bet she put out? She goes, oh, you think you're a better dancer than me? And she cracks her knuckles and goes, how about, I think it was like five grand or something. You can find the clip where Raygun puts it, there she is, old Raygun. She's dressed like she's from from the local bolo, which is lawn bowls. And she just, everyone else is wearing street clothes. Then she does the kangaroo. But if you can find the the clip of where she challenges people, Raygun challenges people, it's it's.

• 46:25Theo Von?

  And I, wasn't there like alleged, like a big like.

• 46:27Speaker 01

  That's it there, that's it there, $10,000 prize. She put out $10,000 prize, if you can dance better than Raygun, surely someone's, I can't dance better than Raygun.

• 46:38Theo Von?

  Yeah, who won that shit?

• 46:41Speaker 01

  But she was a middle class woman, from a middle class white woman who had studied hip hop at university and had a degree in it. And then like Australia was just like, oh, the girl's got a degree. Oh, that must be the one, you know. I don't think our Olympic panel, right, are savvy with the hip hop world and the dancing, right? It's not to say there aren't kids who are doing dancing in the street and stuff in Australia that can't do. We're a very multicultural country. Country without a doubt, there are people who can fucking breakdance in Australia. I've seen them do it, right? But the, the, the, the people who actually decided, there's a lovely young girl, Rachel

• 47:22Speaker 01

  Gunn, we're gonna call her Ray Gunn, bit of fun. And because I was, I was in Bondi, um, when the Olympics were on and my phone lit up, just lit up with all these people going, going, oh, you've got to watch it. Are you watching the TV? And it was every American comic who knew me was just like.

• 47:42Theo Von?

  Trying to relate to you.

• 47:43Speaker 01

  No, no, they were trying to take the piss like, oh, your, your people are on the TV right now. Because that's the thing about, you know, being a white Australian, we're not inherently cool. You know what I mean? And so then when Ray Gunn comes, that doesn't fucking help our cause.

• 47:56Theo Von?

  That was bad.

• 47:57Speaker 01

  It's like watching nine 11, it was.

• 47:58Theo Von?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 48:00Speaker 01

  For a, for a Muslim, you know, when a Muslim watches nine 11 and they think, oh, this is making my life harder. That's what that was.

• 48:07Theo Von?

  Ray Gunn was the Australian nine 11 kind of, oh, Christ, God.

• 48:12Speaker 01

  But the, the ball's on her, just to walk out the Olympics and have a go. It was, it was the only athlete that Snoop Dogg, who, you remember how Snoop Dogg was just at the Olympics, just like, like, wearing the equestrian outfit?

• 48:23Theo Von?

  Well, so was Leslie Jones, didn't they just have, like, they sometimes they just, they started hiring more celebrities to just be there.

• 48:28Speaker 01

  Yeah, just to be there and just show up at events.

• 48:30Theo Von?

  Yeah.

• 48:31Speaker 01

  I, I pitched a show to Australian TV that said, because the Olympics are coming out, and I, I don't know if this show will ever go ahead, but I pitched it to Australian telly. I said, how about you get me interviewing people, the athletes, the Australian athletes? I'm already here. You don't have to bring anyone out. I'll do like a little comedy show that's like after the proper show. After you watch all the highlights, we can do like a little comedy tonight show where we just do the Olympics and make it a two run thing. So make it. Ten episodes, out the door, fucking done. Hopefully I can do it, but I reckon that would be a bit of fun.

• 49:03Theo Von?

  That'd be sick. The Olympics, are you gonna be in Australia?

• 49:05Speaker 01

  No, here.

• 49:06Theo Von?

  Oh, in the US?

• 49:07Speaker 01

  L A.

• 49:07Theo Von?

  Oh, fuck.

• 49:08Speaker 01

  Here, here.

• 49:09Theo Von?

  Oh, shit.

• 49:10Speaker 01

  You don't know that the next Olympics are here?

• 49:11Theo Von?

  Nuh-uh.

• 49:12Speaker 01

  Oh, the traffic's gonna get worse.

• 49:14Theo Von?

  Oh, it's gonna be bad. Oh, it's gonna be bad. You'll probably, I wonder if I'll have one of those, I mean.

• 49:18Speaker 01

  And you've got the World Cup.

• 49:19Theo Von?

  Oh, yeah, that's great.

• 49:20Speaker 01

  Everything's going on. Do you know the Olympics are the reason you have palm trees?

• 49:25Theo Von?

  Uh-uh.

• 49:26Speaker 01

  I used to do a podcast called, I, I, I don't know about that, right? Where I used to learn about a new thing. And one of the things was the Olympics. And I was learning, I do a podcast about it called At This Moment with Amos Gill. You're friends with Amos, you know Amos? Oh, he's an Australian comic, very, very good comic. Me and him do a podcast at this moment, so follow my podcast. But, um, um, uh, palm trees.

• 49:47Theo Von?

  There he is, Amos, yeah.

• 49:48Speaker 01

  There was no palm trees in L A. They're not indigenous to L A. And then when you had your first Olympics, and I don't know what year, they planted all those ones along Beverly Hills just to spruce the place up a bit because visitors were coming. How about we plant some palm trees? They grow by themselves, they take very little fucking work, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, right? Uh, yeah, see, I'm not lying. The internet's, the internet's back. I like how you've got a guy who's always checking if I'm full of shit. Every time he's, oh, no, no, he said it, right? And so, so they planted 25,000 to 40,000. And at each, and that was 1932, right? And at each game since then, when you've had the Olympics since then, you've planted more palm trees.

• 50:32Speaker 01

  So the reason that L A looks like L A, like what it's synonymous with, if you were to do a silhouette of L A.

• 50:39Theo Von?

  Palms, right there.

• 50:39Speaker 01

  Palm trees.

• 50:40Theo Von?

  It's kind of the only thing in the silhouette, really.

• 50:42Speaker 01

  Yeah, a couple of buildings that you, undescriptive buildings.

• 50:44Theo Von?

  Yeah.

• 50:45Speaker 01

  Palm trees, Dodger Stadium.

• 50:47Theo Von?

  Yeah.

• 50:47Speaker 01

  Out the door.

• 50:48Theo Von?

  Beverly Hilton. Yeah, the Beverly Hills Hotel, I think there's palm trees in their emblem, probably.

• 50:52Speaker 01

  There's palm trees everywhere. That one there, the wallpapers are all palm trees, but.

• 50:56Theo Von?

  Yeah, even if you're like, you see people's videos or movies, every time you see that palm, the palm trees, you uh see it. It might be Beverly uh.

• 51:02Speaker 01

  That's a lovely hotel.

• 51:03Theo Von?

  That is a nice place, man. That is nice over there. Um, yeah, I uh, I didn't know that at all, man. I love the fact that uh, that Australia has so many amazing people though, man. That's just one thing that I loved about it. Just fucking neat. And it's peaceful, man. It's safe, dude. That was one thing I realized. You're in Australia.

• 51:21Speaker 01

  It is safe.

• 51:22Theo Von?

  It's safe.

• 51:23Speaker 01

  It is safe.

• 51:23Theo Von?

  You're like, oh, this is nice.

• 51:25Speaker 01

  And but, you know, I, look, I don't want your audience turning on me. I'm the gun control guy, you know what I mean? And I understand, I've lived in America long enough. It's, yeah, Australia is a very safe place, but not without, you know what they're having at the moment? They're having a, um, you know how like they're turning your guns?

• 51:42Theo Von?

  Mm-hmm.

• 51:42Speaker 01

  They're having machete bins.

• 51:44Theo Von?

  No, uh.

• 51:44Speaker 01

  In Australia, machete, machete, machete bins. This is a brand new thing that like, um.

• 51:49Theo Von?

  People having issues with the machetes?

• 51:51Speaker 01

  Disposable bins, right?

• 51:54Theo Von?

  Let me see it right here. Uh, uh, an Australian state has asked citizens to surrender machetes at disposal bins ahead of a statewide ban on the weapons aimed at combating knife crime.

• 52:03Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 52:03Theo Von?

  Australia's state of Victoria on Thursday announced that more than forty machete disposal bins will be available at police stations across the state to allow citizens to safely get rid of the weapons without a penalty before September first ban. Wow.

• 52:15Speaker 01

  They reckon people are just throwing food and stuff in there, though.

• 52:18Theo Von?

  Oh, yeah. Just recyclables?

• 52:21Speaker 01

  I just, yeah, just throw in an arm, just from your last murder, and you go, I just, I'll throw the machete in as well.

• 52:28Theo Von?

  Look at this fine right here. Those who did not surrender their machetes during the amnesty period may face imprisonment of up to two years or a fine of more than forty-seven thousand Australian. Wow.

• 52:37Speaker 01

  Thirty-seven one American. Yeah, look, I, look, there is a little bit more nanny state in Australia. We do have, there's more speed cameras. You notice it when you go back. Um, uh, yeah, it's a little strict. They do a thing in Australia that I find weird around long weekends. So Easter, for example, yeah, long weekend, um, they will have the death toll on the TV.

• 53:03Theo Von?

  Oh, really?

• 53:04Speaker 01

  Yeah, where they talk about how many car accidents and how many people have died during this long weekend from drink driving or from speeding or whatever. And they'll go by all the states, right? Five states.

• 53:15Theo Von?

  See who has the most?

• 53:16Speaker 01

  Five, yeah. See who's, uh, bloody Western Australia is doing terrible this year with, with five deaths on the death toll. We also, four deaths in Queensland, they're not doing well. Oh, Victoria, one death. Well done.

• 53:32Theo Von?

  Booze. Somebody yells boo from behind a camera?

• 53:35Speaker 01

  But I imagine doing that in America. Imagine like a Labor Day weekend, we're gonna count up all the deaths that are happening on the highways and then we're gonna report it and we're gonna shame everyone. Also, long weekend, they do double demerits.

• 53:48Theo Von?

  Oh, no, for what? If you get in trouble?

• 53:50Speaker 01

  Yeah, so let's say you get, you start with 12 points, you lose one point for a seatbelt, three points for speeding. You know, things like that. Really speeding, you lose six points. I think America goes the other way upwards or whatever, right? You gain points. On long weekends, holiday weekends, it's double.

• 54:05Theo Von?

  Oh.

• 54:06Speaker 01

  So seatbelt two, speeding six, man.

• 54:08Theo Von?

  And if you get 12, what's out? You're out?

• 54:10Speaker 01

  You're out. Oh, Australia has a bit of a double or nothing policy, which is like a thing we do. Because people go, oh, but I need me car for work.

• 54:17Theo Von?

  Yeah.

• 54:18Speaker 01

  What if I can't do it for work? The Australian government goes like this, we'll give you one point. Right? And you have to have that point for a year. And so, yeah, so you can either lose your license for three months. Or you can have one point for a year. And if you lose it, then you lose your license for a year.

• 54:37Theo Von?

  Yeah.

• 54:38Speaker 01

  So you can't fucking roll through a stop sign, you know what I mean?

• 54:42Theo Von?

  Clean. I like that, but it, but you put things on the Australian citizen. I think they take things seriously. A lot of Americans, there's a lot of Americans that take things seriously, but there's a lot of other fucking just fucktards who don't give a shit, you know?

• 54:54Speaker 01

  Oh, we have fucktards who don't give a shit. We're not short on them.

• 54:57Theo Von?

  Yeah.

• 54:57Speaker 01

  The world's got them.

• 54:58Theo Von?

  Oh, yeah. Yeah, maybe you're right. Maybe I'm being a little bit hard on Americans today.

• 55:02Speaker 01

  No, America, man, I always have to stipulate this, man. Fucking what a. Wonderful place, man.

• 55:07Theo Von?

  Yeah.

• 55:08Speaker 01

  What a what opportunities and what things you can do. Just the basic fact that you have three hundred and thirty million in such a small place, right? You know, when you're flying around doing gigs in Australia, you didn't get any fucking connecting flights, did you?

• 55:21Theo Von?

  Mm hmm.

• 55:22Speaker 01

  You just went to those cities.

• 55:24Theo Von?

  Yeah.

• 55:24Speaker 01

  They all went through, because we've got five major fucking cities.

• 55:27Theo Von?

  Yeah.

• 55:27Speaker 01

  Right?

• 55:28Theo Von?

  Yeah.

• 55:28Speaker 01

  And then you drove out to the more rural places or whatever. But like in America, okay, I've got to stop in Charlotte because it's a hub. And I always complaining about it, but then I think to myself, how wonderful that we can. That I've been here for fifteen or sixteen years and there's still towns I haven't played. There's still cities I still have to go to. I've been to most of them over and over again.

• 55:50Theo Von?

  Yeah.

• 55:50Speaker 01

  But there's so much space and there's also, you can be a popular comedian in the Midwest. And that can be your territory where, you know, you have your fan base and you don't have to travel too far. Or you can be someone who's just really popular in San Francisco or what, you know what I mean?

• 56:06Theo Von?

  Mm hmm.

• 56:06Speaker 01

  Like, it's that diverse and and and people shit on America a lot because of your low rate of people who have passports. Right? And that's the stat they always say in Australia and Britain is like, you know, like, like forty percent of Americans don't even have a passport. Right? And I used to think, oh, that is a, I don't know the exact state, um, stat.

• 56:27Theo Von?

  Let's take a look at it right here. As of late twenty twenty four, approximately fifty one percent of Americans have a valid passport. This reflects an increase from forty six percent in twenty twenty three and thirty percent in two thousand eight.

• 56:39Speaker 01

  Right.

• 56:39Theo Von?

  Compare that to other states.

• 56:40Speaker 01

  Yeah, because we compare that to Australia or England.

• 56:43Theo Von?

  Right.

• 56:44Speaker 01

  So so we're saying forty nine percent of you don't have passports.

• 56:47Theo Von?

  Right.

• 56:48Speaker 01

  Right? That is high.

• 56:49Theo Von?

  That's a lot.

• 56:49Speaker 01

  That is high. Like, you're you're an international traveler. You think you think nothing of having a passport. Of course, you should have a passport, right? Um.

• 56:58Theo Von?

  Oh, you guys is fifty fifty five percent.

• 57:00Speaker 01

  Fifty five, seventy seven, uh, seventy seven UK, because you're going on holiday in France. It's a fucking two hour train ride. Of course, you're gonna do that.

• 57:08Theo Von?

  Yeah, you gotta do it.

• 57:09Speaker 01

  Um.

• 57:10Theo Von?

  You go for lunch and you make one.

• 57:11Speaker 01

  That surprises me. Australia is only at fifty five. We're only a little bit higher.

• 57:15Theo Von?

  Well, we've been catching up for some reason. I mean, we were thirty percent in two thousand eight. I wonder what's caused us.

• 57:20Speaker 01

  So thirty percent is bad.

• 57:21Theo Von?

  Yeah.

• 57:21Speaker 01

  Thirty percent, but I I never understood it until I moved to America and I'm like. Well, you can do everything here.

• 57:27Theo Von?

  Hmm.

• 57:28Speaker 01

  You literally have every weather condition that you wanna enjoy. You wanna go whitewater rafting, you wanna go to a winter wonderland and fucking go into a resort up there. You wanna go tropical, I can take you down here.

• 57:42Theo Von?

  Yeah, volcano.

• 57:43Speaker 01

  You wanna see big, you wanna see big sea thing, you wanna see, go to Hawaii.

• 57:46Theo Von?

  Storm quicksand.

• 57:48Speaker 01

  Yeah, yeah, you've got every environment on earth is in the ecosystem of America.

• 57:55Theo Von?

  Yeah.

• 57:55Speaker 01

  Plus, you got fucking Disneyland.

• 57:57Theo Von?

  Hmm.

• 57:58Speaker 01

  Right, so.

• 57:59Theo Von?

  You got Epcot Center that has fake environment.

• 58:01Speaker 01

  Exactly, you can see the whole world there. You don't have to go anywhere, just wander around there. Watch, it's a small world after all, that's, that's how you can tell what all the different children look like.

• 58:10Theo Von?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 58:11Speaker 01

  You know, so, so, so I get it because you don't really have to go anywhere.

• 58:18Theo Von?

  You kind of have everything that you need, but there is something beautiful about going. One thing that I remember when I first started traveling was the first people you see everywhere. And this is one thing I always admired are Australians, dude, they're fucking.

• 58:29Speaker 01

  Wet everywhere.

• 58:30Theo Von?

  Balls to the wall, they wake up, they go, they don't sleep, they're nocturnal, they're day eternal, they're fucking lunch eternal.

• 58:36Speaker 01

  And it's even weird, your finest, your finest in places like Whistler.

• 58:39Theo Von?

  Yeah.

• 58:39Speaker 01

  Right, you'll be up in Whistler and, g'day mate, I'm your ski instructor for the day. Like, can't we get a fucking Canadian on this? You've brought me a bloke from the desert, you know what I mean?

• 58:49Theo Von?

  Even black Australians do hear them, you know? Like, g'day mate, and it's like a black guy, and you're like, wow, that's crazy.

• 58:56Speaker 01

  When I was young, you didn't, okay, so when I was young, I grew up in a school that had a lot of like, um, Asian kids in it. I think it was fifty, sixty percent Asian and stuff like that. And there, there wasn't many black people in Australia then. We had the white Australia policy, uh, I didn't, I, I'm gonna, right up until, I wanna say the nineteen fifties, it might have been later, right?

• 59:14Theo Von?

  And where there was whites only in Australia?

• 59:15Speaker 01

  It was, we, we, you, you can immigrate to Australia, but it was for white people. And so the most dark as you got were Italians and Greeks.

• 59:25Theo Von?

  Hmm.

• 59:26Speaker 01

  And they, their derogatory term for them was wog, and that was the, that was the most foreign people. But that's what shows how bigotry can go out the window. Because now they're the most assimilated people in Australia, Italians and Greeks. Melbourne has the second highest Greek population of any city in the world next to Athens.

• 59:43Theo Von?

  Wow.

• 59:43Speaker 01

  And that's including other Greek cities.

• 59:46Theo Von?

  Wow.

• 59:46Speaker 01

  Right. And so, so.

• 59:47Theo Von?

  That was awesome.

• 59:48Speaker 01

  Uh, nineteen fifty eight. There you go. So they abolished, uh, the, yeah, the non-white immigrant. It was called the White Australia Policy, right? It wasn't, I'm not just making it like.

• 59:58Theo Von?

  They didn't beat around the bush.

• 59:59Speaker 01

  They didn't have, yeah. So in nineteen fifty eight, they, they got rid of that. And now we have, obviously, we have a lot of black people and stuff like that. But when I left Australia, and I left Australia in two thousand and one, and then when I came back just to, you know, by about two thousand and ten, just, you know, on holiday or seeing the family or whatever. To see all, so the Italians and Greeks were all, all Westernized Australian by then with the accent. Then the Asians came in and then they.

• 1:00:27Theo Von?

  Oh, yeah.

• 1:00:28Speaker 01

  Now you see Asian Australian cricket players and they've all got the fucking voice. You know, you ever seen like a Chinese fella who fucking talks like this? Right? And it's like, it just, it just takes time. So, so they were the problem. And then now, now they're like, and these fucking blokes coming in and then, and then so, so it just takes time and an accent to assimilate.

• 1:00:52Theo Von?

  That's what you need. Even now you see like a lot of like, there's a lot more black country music fans. And you see like a lot more like black kind of redneck or like hunting type of guys. You're like, oh, it just takes some time.

• 1:01:03Speaker 01

  Exactly. It took.

• 1:01:04Theo Von?

  And it's kind of good because they can't use those things to separate people anymore anyway.

• 1:01:07Speaker 01

  It took Hootie to make the first push, right? Hootie, I don't know who, what Hootie's real name is, but Hootie.

• 1:01:12Theo Von?

  Darius.

• 1:01:13Speaker 01

  Darius, that's right.

• 1:01:14Theo Von?

  But his last name was Rucker, which kind of has like kind of a country tone to it. So, yeah, dude, shout out Darius Rucker. He does not get enough credit.

• 1:01:22Speaker 01

  Rosa Parks of country music, man.

• 1:01:24Theo Von?

  Oh.

• 1:01:24Speaker 01

  Like, like, like you think about like, and, and he left a popular band to go, I want to do country music in Nashville. Right? Cause he could still be touring right now with the Blowfish. Going, oh, I want to be with you.

• 1:01:39Theo Von?

  Yeah.

• 1:01:39Speaker 01

  Right?

• 1:01:40Theo Von?

  We love a little island.

• 1:01:42Speaker 01

  And still be, still be doing just fine.

• 1:01:45Theo Von?

  God, man. He's, yeah, that guy's done a great job. You ever realize that you spent your entire morning thinking about lunch? It's 9 a.m. and somehow I'm already in negotiations with myself about how I'm gonna spend $20 on a sandwich at noon. And then I eat it, or you eat it, or somebody eats it, and then an hour later you're just standing in the kitchen worrying about what you'll do for dinner. And that's one reason why I've been into Huell. The Black Edition Powder is a complete meal you have instead of food, not a shake on top of food. Their powder starts at less than $3 per meal, has 40 grams of protein, and mixes with water or milk in about 30 seconds.

• 1:02:28Theo Von?

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• 1:03:12Theo Von?

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• 1:03:52Theo Von?

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• 1:04:31Theo Von?

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• 1:05:13Theo Von?

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• 1:05:48Speaker 01

  But I always think that like when you say black Australians and stuff like that. So the sports that we're into, Australian Rules Football.

• 1:05:55Theo Von?

  Oh yeah, AFL man, Brisbane Lions dude.

• 1:05:56Speaker 01

  AFL.

• 1:05:57Theo Von?

  Yeah, Fremantle, bro.

• 1:05:58Speaker 01

  When black people start playing that sport.

• 1:06:01Theo Von?

  It's a rap.

• 1:06:02Speaker 01

  It's a rap.

• 1:06:03Theo Von?

  And they're hiding it from them right now.

• 1:06:04Speaker 01

  It's a rap because we've got like some Sudanese refugees that have started playing who are excelling.

• 1:06:09Theo Von?

  Really?

• 1:06:10Speaker 01

  It's a game about jumping really fucking like.

• 1:06:14Theo Von?

  Jumping and running, yeah.

• 1:06:15Speaker 01

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, it's, it's, it's a rap, right? But I believe all sports.

• 1:06:21Theo Von?

  Eventually a rap.

• 1:06:22Speaker 01

  I think now, so when I was growing up in Australia, I wore a Michael Jordan jersey like every other boy in the nineties.

• 1:06:29Theo Von?

  That's all.

• 1:06:29Speaker 01

  Right? Because.

• 1:06:30Theo Von?

  The best.

• 1:06:30Speaker 01

  The best. I never got to see him play one live game. There would be wide world of sports would show little clips of what happened in American sports. We would get the Super Bowl would be shown on our TV. No baseball, no, no basketball.

• 1:06:45Theo Von?

  Like a stingray kills a boy or something as well would be like one of the highlights.

• 1:06:49Speaker 01

  Yeah, that's our sport. But we had our rugby and we had our cricket and we had our AFL and all, you know, great sports. But now they've got an app called KO where you can watch all the NBA, all the baseball, all the Premier League for fucking 10 bucks or 15 bucks, you know what I mean? And it's like, it's cheaper to watch those sports in Australia now than it is now. I believe that, as I said, you had one NBA player back in the day, Luke Longley. Now we've got like maybe 15 Australian NBA players. We got, we got, uh, uh, now we've got, there was a guy in the Super Bowl, I think about four or five punters in the NFL.

• 1:07:27Theo Von?

  Oh yeah, they're class.

• 1:07:29Speaker 01

  Because, because they learned from AFL to kick so long. And now they've just got at Australian universities, we're just training punters. We're just like, all right, this is our thing.

• 1:07:38Theo Von?

  Look at this punter right here. Let's get a gandale out of him. There's Michael Dixon right there for the Seahawks, current Australian punters. Lou Headley down there in New Orleans, uh, Mitch Wishnowski, shout out Mitch Wish.

• 1:07:50Speaker 01

  So we got six current, six current, and I believe there's a bloke who actually um uh played.

• 1:07:56Theo Von?

  That's an Aussie guy, he looks Aussie.

• 1:07:58Speaker 01

  Yeah, yeah. And the thing is, because punters never have to learn to tackle, so.

• 1:08:02Theo Von?

  Look at this fucking lad right there.

• 1:08:04Speaker 01

  Every now and again.

• 1:08:04Theo Von?

  Lou Hedley dude, order me a fucking Lou Hedley jersey, that's him.

• 1:08:08Speaker 01

  Every now and again, there'll be a.

• 1:08:10Theo Von?

  He'll kick your fucking balls off your back.

• 1:08:12Speaker 01

  Punt, and there'll be someone return, get past all the defence, you know, they do that full run back, the whole thing.

• 1:08:17Theo Von?

  Oh yeah.

• 1:08:18Speaker 01

  And the Australian blokes always tackle them because they grow up playing rugby and all that.

• 1:08:21Theo Von?

  Yes.

• 1:08:22Speaker 01

  And so every time they're just like, oh, all there is left is the punter. Oh my god, oh my god. Have you seen that? Right? And it's always some Australian bloke going, yeah, I can fucking tackle. This is what we do.

• 1:08:36Theo Von?

  Yeah, I'm an adult male.

• 1:08:37Speaker 01

  I do this without a helmet, mate.

• 1:08:38Theo Von?

  Yeah, Lou Hedley dude, he'll kick your fricking arms off your body, that guy, wow. Dude, that's class, bro. That's such a great call. It's like, everybody should have that Australian punter. I think, I love having more, I want more Mexican guys in the NBA, dude, and I mean real Mexican guys.

• 1:08:55Speaker 01

  Well.

• 1:08:55Theo Von?

  Like five, four, one guy.

• 1:08:57Speaker 01

  Jaime, what's his name for the Heat? He's the only one that I can.

• 1:09:00Theo Von?

  Uh, yeah, um.

• 1:09:02Speaker 01

  I've forgotten his bloody name.

• 1:09:03Theo Von?

  Ja, ja, uh.

• 1:09:04Speaker 01

  They're not renowned for being tall, the Mexicans.

• 1:09:06Theo Von?

  No, that's why they got the one at UCLA, Jaime, Hacches.

• 1:09:09Speaker 01

  Yeah, Hacches, yeah, yeah, yeah, plays for the Heat.

• 1:09:12Theo Von?

  Yeah, he plays for the Heat now.

• 1:09:13Speaker 01

  Um, and he's, he's class, but he's not, he's not a all-star, you know what I mean? I, I always think with like, it also with sports, it just takes one person to open the door up for other kids to go, oh yeah, you know, maybe I can, you know, we have Australians in the Premier League and stuff like that, you know? For a very small country, I'll tell you what country kicks fucking ass for its size. Iceland.

• 1:09:38Theo Von?

  Really?

• 1:09:39Speaker 01

  Iceland's got two hundred and seventy thousand people, I might be out by ten thousand or something, and they made it to the Soccer World Cup.

• 1:09:46Theo Von?

  Oh my god, I did not realise that.

• 1:09:48Speaker 01

  Statistically, they would only have maybe. Twenty thousand eligible men of age.

• 1:09:53Theo Von?

  Yeah.

• 1:09:54Speaker 01

  The right age, the right whatever, and they made it to the World Cup and they fucking got through the first round.

• 1:09:58Theo Von?

  Class.

• 1:09:59Speaker 01

  They got, they got to the round of sixteen.

• 1:10:01Theo Von?

  Unbelievable. Let's bring up that Iceland team. I didn't want to get a gander at them. I feel like it's like, I think Christian McCaffrey's from Iceland.

• 1:10:07Speaker 01

  Uh.

• 1:10:08Theo Von?

  Dude, I just went to Qatar not long ago. I know you're going to the Middle East coming up. I went to Qatar and this is one thing that was interesting there was, um, the soccer stadiums from when they held the World Cup.

• 1:10:17Speaker 01

  Hmm.

• 1:10:17Theo Von?

  Are all still there because they didn't, they don't really have that much regular.

• 1:10:21Speaker 01

  No.

• 1:10:21Theo Von?

  Use of them.

• 1:10:22Speaker 01

  No.

• 1:10:22Theo Von?

  So you have these huge stadiums sitting everywhere. Let's get a look at that team. That's amazing, brother.

• 1:10:29Speaker 01

  Yeah, yeah. Yeah, they're all just like, like they, they don't even have a McDonald's in Iceland.

• 1:10:32Theo Von?

  Oh, well, that's probably why they're all in fucking doing good. Everybody here is just all fucking.

• 1:10:40Theo Von?

  Geeked out.

• 1:10:41Speaker 01

  Their arteries aren't clogged up.

• 1:10:43Theo Von?

  Is that Jason Ellis on the bottom right there? Let me get a gander at that pic there. Oh, these lads are, dude, look how Icelandish that dude is. The third dude, that fricking ice Indian.

• 1:10:53Speaker 01

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, yeah, I'm the ice Indian.

• 1:10:55Theo Von?

  That guy's fucking ready, brother. Wow, I bet it would be cool to be Icelandic.

• 1:11:01Speaker 01

  Have you been there?

• 1:11:02Theo Von?

  No, I almost went to Reykjavik, but it was, they had a, it was gay pride weekend. We were gonna go and I was like.

• 1:11:07Speaker 01

  There's nothing. Reykjavik, Reykjavik is it.

• 1:11:10Theo Von?

  Yeah, I just didn't want to be at there when it was just, everything was very kind of overly gay.

• 1:11:15Speaker 01

  I was there when there was no.

• 1:11:17Theo Von?

  Gay shit happening?

• 1:11:18Speaker 01

  There was no, there was no moon, there was no, there was no darkness.

• 1:11:22Theo Von?

  Oh.

• 1:11:22Speaker 01

  It was sunny twenty four hours a day.

• 1:11:23Theo Von?

  Is it fun?

• 1:11:24Speaker 01

  They spanned the fuck out of me. They only get that for three months and the rest of it was not, but you worried about the gayness? You worried about?

• 1:11:30Theo Von?

  I just didn't want it to be every, you know, at the hotel, every moment it's, oh, it's so much gayness. And I guess it's probably what gay people think of like.

• 1:11:37Speaker 01

  Yeah, they have to walk into our hotels and then they go, I can't be going here with all the fucking heteros.

• 1:11:44Theo Von?

  Oh, I bet they feel that way. Like they don't want to go to Sturgis probably some of them, you know?

• 1:11:47Speaker 01

  Yeah, I think that's the whole parade. It was, it was just a few, look, and also, okay, so you know, like in Iceland.

• 1:11:54Theo Von?

  I just didn't want guys, like I'm at breakfast and some guys keep trying to buy me like, uh, fucking, um, like those, um, what are those eggs with the little ham on it and it's.

• 1:12:03Speaker 01

  That's a cock you're talking about.

• 1:12:04Theo Von?

  No.

• 1:12:05Speaker 01

  Yeah, the eggs are at the base and then there's like a ham. There's like a thing you didn't want one of them bought for you.

• 1:12:11Theo Von?

  Yeah, I just didn't want somebody sending over a cock, you know?

• 1:12:14Speaker 01

  Well, you know, okay, so.

• 1:12:15Theo Von?

  Not that they would, but if someone's are dressed nice and people would.

• 1:12:18Speaker 01

  Gay, I reckon Iceland's the place to do it. Cause you know, they have an app on the phone. So the the population's so small that they have to have an app on the phone. So if you meet a girl in a bar, uh, you both put your names in the app or your license into the app or whatever, and it'll tell you how closely related you are. Because everyone's fucking related.

• 1:12:38Theo Von?

  Wow.

• 1:12:38Speaker 01

  Anything, right?

• 1:12:39Theo Von?

  And we gotta get over there, dude.

• 1:12:41Speaker 01

  So, so, so you go over there.

• 1:12:43Theo Von?

  Of course, we have a shot.

• 1:12:44Speaker 01

  So like third cousin's all right, I guess. Second cousin, no good.

• 1:12:48Theo Von?

  Warning.

• 1:12:49Speaker 01

  First cousin, how good are you at keeping a secret? Right?

• 1:12:53Theo Von?

  Forty percent, seventy percent.

• 1:12:55Speaker 01

  But, but that's for the heteros. If you're gay, eh, who gives a fuck if you fuck your cousin? It's not gonna, a baby's not gonna be made, is what I'm saying, is what I'm saying.

• 1:13:04Theo Von?

  But you would still, it would ma-.

• 1:13:05Speaker 01

  Oh, no, you'd prefer not.

• 1:13:06Theo Von?

  Yeah.

• 1:13:07Speaker 01

  I, I don't want the gay people kicking off on me like I'm saying they're all fucking their siblings. If you can avoid it, if you can avoid it, I say do.

• 1:13:18Theo Von?

  Yeah, dude.

• 1:13:18Speaker 01

  But if it's unavoidable and it's cold and the sun hasn't been out for six fucking months, who am I to judge?

• 1:13:24Theo Von?

  And if you write not my cousin on the guy's back or whatever.

• 1:13:27Speaker 01

  Exactly, exactly. You can, you can, like, like, there would be nothing worse than ejaculating and rolling over going, so how's your mum? She still all right?

• 1:13:37Theo Von?

  Yeah, how's Aunt Nan? Yeah.

• 1:13:40Speaker 01

  How's Aunt Bjork?

• 1:13:43Theo Von?

  Dude, I gotta go over there. You went?

• 1:13:46Speaker 01

  I went. I'm, and I'm going to Saudi Arabia coming up and I find.

• 1:13:49Theo Von?

  Oh, let's talk about that.

• 1:13:50Speaker 01

  Cause you just talked about Qatar. I'm going to this thing in Saudi. I've, I've been given a little bit of grief online, nothing too much.

• 1:13:55Theo Von?

  About going to Saudi Arabia?

• 1:13:56Speaker 01

  Yeah, a few people have gotten into the comics who are go- and, and the list is big. It's, it's Louis C K, me, Bill Burr, uh, uh, um, uh, Fluffy's going, Whitney Cummings is going.

• 1:14:08Theo Von?

  Festival going out and didn't get invited?

• 1:14:10Speaker 01

  The Riyadh Comedy Festival and, and here, here we go. Anderson to Andrew Schultz, so he's in Saudi, Bill Burr. Uh, Jim Jefferies, Jimmy Carr, Joe Coy, Kevin Hart, you know, Sam, we, we got, we got people.

• 1:14:21Theo Von?

  Great lineup too. Jessica Curson, uh, Nimesh Patel. Wow.

• 1:14:25Speaker 01

  It's as good a lineup I've seen at any comedy festival ever.

• 1:14:29Theo Von?

  Unbelievable.

• 1:14:30Speaker 01

  Now. People have been going, oh, how dare you go over there after, oh, they killed a reporter. That was the big one. There's been a reporter who, who they killed. You don't think our government's fucking bumped people? I, I, I think Jeffrey Epstein was fucking bumped off.

• 1:14:44Theo Von?

  Oh, I'm sure that, yeah.

• 1:14:46Speaker 01

  Right, right.

• 1:14:46Theo Von?

  Every place. We've, we've, we've damaged a lot of places.

• 1:14:49Speaker 01

  Yeah, yeah, we've, we. One reporter was killed by the government. Unfortunate, but not a fucking hill that I'm gonna die on. It's not my, you know, and I don't know the ins and outs of their government. So then they get into the, the live golf, right? All the golfers go up to Saudi Arabia for, you know, a king's ransom amount of money. And everyone's like, how dare they after how they treat their people and all this type of stuff? And the people are like, oh. Then you've got Cristiano Ronaldo goes over and plays there, is being paid an ex. He gets an extra hundred, two hundred grand every time he kicks a goal as a bonus. Fifty grand for an assist.

• 1:15:25Theo Von?

  He has like an SPF fee, I heard. Even just putting it on before the games, they pay him extra to do that. That's crazy.

• 1:15:30Speaker 01

  So he's living there, uh, he's engaged to his missus, but they've never gotten married. Right? He's the first person in Saudi Arabia who's allowed to live with a woman who he's not married to. They've made, they've gone.

• 1:15:43Theo Von?

  An exception.

• 1:15:43Speaker 01

  They've gone, all right, all right, for Ronaldo, okay.

• 1:15:47Theo Von?

  He can do it. There's a lot of strong rules over there.

• 1:15:49Speaker 01

  So you can be angry at how they treat their people, how they treat the reporter. You can be angry at the golfers. You can be angry at things. You can, but what better than basically we are freedom of speech machines being sent over there? What better? They haven't asked, they have not at one stage asked to see our material. They haven't asked, and I've been asked in some countries in Asia, I've been asked for transcripts of what I'm gonna say.

• 1:16:14Theo Von?

  Oh, yeah.

• 1:16:15Speaker 01

  Right? They haven't asked what we're going to do. And let's be fair, they have picked some fucking edgy ass comedians.

• 1:16:22Theo Von?

  Some seriously edgy ones.

• 1:16:23Speaker 01

  Yeah, yeah, they've.

• 1:16:24Theo Von?

  Some of the greats.

• 1:16:25Speaker 01

  They've picked some edgy comedians. So.

• 1:16:27Theo Von?

  Very smart too.

• 1:16:28Speaker 01

  If you don't agree with how.

• 1:16:30Theo Von?

  Bill Burr's bidding me their shorts.

• 1:16:32Speaker 01

  If you don't agree with how they run their place, isn't this a step in the right direction?

• 1:16:37Theo Von?

  A hundred percent, bringing free speech over.

• 1:16:38Speaker 01

  Yeah, yeah. Isn't this a sign that they're trying to do something different with themselves?

• 1:16:44Theo Von?

  Yeah.

• 1:16:44Speaker 01

  Like, this would have been, the highest ranks of government would have gone, alright, we're bringing out thirty fucking comedians who are allowed to say whatever the fuck they want. Who's up for this?

• 1:16:52Theo Von?

  Yeah.

• 1:16:53Speaker 01

  This is a, this is a positive thing.

• 1:16:55Theo Von?

  I agree. Well, here's the, here's the thing that I don't understand too. It's like, to be, to live in a country where we're fortunate enough to have the freedom of speech, right?

• 1:17:02Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:17:03Theo Von?

  And to say things we want.

• 1:17:04Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:17:05Theo Von?

  And then to judge other places, like, I get judging them, but their rules are there, that's what makes their culture, right? And it's like, yes, we may not agree with some of them, and some of them we may deem as wrong, and some of them may be morally wrong or religiously wrong. But for that country, that's what's going on, right? Now, some of them, I get, it's like, you know, that's wrong, that's fucked up. But some things, sometimes you're just attacking kind of the culture of a place, right? So I, it's like.

• 1:17:34Speaker 01

  And, and, and us isolating them teaches us nothing and teaches them nothing.

• 1:17:40Theo Von?

  Yeah. It also makes us look like this loud know-it-all all the time. That's the thing I don't like, you know? Go live there for a few years, see how it is, you know? I mean, of course.

• 1:17:49Speaker 01

  Well, I'm not gonna live there. I don't wanna put that out there. I'm happy here.

• 1:17:53Theo Von?

  Jim Jefferies is coming over, he's gonna be staying.

• 1:17:55Speaker 01

  Yeah. I didn't, I didn't sober up for that reason.

• 1:18:00Theo Von?

  Dude, I will say this, man, when I was in Qatar, they had, everything was organized. There's nothing out of place. It's almost like, there's, it's like, um, there's a ton of respect everywhere. Like, I mean, that's just what you see in public, right? Like, I mean, things are clean, like, you wouldn't, like, uh.

• 1:18:16Speaker 01

  People say the World Cup was wonderful. I was, I was anti. I was there, because I've seen, I saw the World Cup in Germany in two thousand and six. And I saw the Women's World Cup in Australia when that happened. I saw the Matildas, the Australian women's team play. And, um, and I thought, why, you know, why should we go to this little country that doesn't really have a soccer history or whatever like that? But everyone reckons the fucking, the crowds were super chill. They reckon it was piss easy to get beer. They actually had beer taps out the front of the stadium where you.

• 1:18:45Theo Von?

  Nuh-uh.

• 1:18:45Speaker 01

  Yeah, because they didn't want, want, their people actually touching it and blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. And so, so, uh, look at, look at him there. Look at the mullet. I thought you were just, had a dirty headdress on you. You know what I mean? I, I, I thought that one bloke on the left hasn't washed his, washed his cloth there.

• 1:19:03Theo Von?

  That's what they call the thobe over there. They treated us so great. I mean, obviously we were there to like do a show and stuff, but um, but it was just great to get to see the culture and be a part of the culture. A ton of like respect. I, and you know, they don't, like a lot of them don't drink or they don't do it. Like it's not as public here. There's not pubs and bars and shit. I didn't notice anyway. Where people are just drunk, you know, it's like, I don't know. It's, it's definitely different. I thought it was really unique, you know?

• 1:19:29Speaker 01

  I thought it was unique. Pubs, I was talking, I'm talking to my friend the other day about this. Okay. So I, you've uh, gigged in the UK.

• 1:19:38Theo Von?

  Yep.

• 1:19:38Speaker 01

  Right? How good is a pub?

• 1:19:39Theo Von?

  Good.

• 1:19:40Speaker 01

  In the UK?

• 1:19:40Theo Von?

  Oh, yeah.

• 1:19:41Speaker 01

  Good. It's good. It's like a living room.

• 1:19:43Theo Von?

  Even in Ireland, yeah.

• 1:19:44Speaker 01

  Yeah, Ireland even better.

• 1:19:45Theo Von?

  Is that part of the UK? Yeah.

• 1:19:46Speaker 01

  Well, it's not. No, Northern Ireland is part of the UK. Ireland is, Republic of Ireland is its own place, but, but they have reciprocal passports. You can live in either country. So, you know, it's that part of the world, right? And the pub is just so good. And I feel like America is missing that. Sometimes they try to recreate an English pub. But I feel like what they're missing is you've got two levels of bar in America. You've got fancy ass fucking bar, like really like everything's shiny and clean lines and unique. And that glass back with all the bottles and all that type of stuff, almost a nightclub chic.

• 1:20:20Theo Von?

  Yeah.

• 1:20:20Speaker 01

  And you have the dive bar that is on bar rescue, where there seems to be fucking gaffer tape, holding everything together. And it just sort of smells and the carpet's sticky.

• 1:20:29Theo Von?

  Yeah. Some woman's living in the ice machine.

• 1:20:31Speaker 01

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Every, every, and you're like, you're like, you're like, uh, can I have a Bloody Mary? And they're like, yeah. And then they read a book.

• 1:20:39Theo Von?

  Oh, then they just punch a woman and they just bring her over? Like, here she is. That was kind of a dumb joke. I'm fucking, my brain's tired today. Thank you for laughing.

• 1:20:47Speaker 01

  Bit of fun, brother, bit of fun. Anyway, so, so I think America's missing that middle bar, which is nice. And everything's clean, but I can still walk in in a T-shirt and not feel like I'm, you know, and I don't have to line up and I don't have to know a guy. And it's just, they need to have more homely bars, but.

• 1:21:07Theo Von?

  Yeah, we're missing that neighborhood bar that's more popular in every place. Like, uh, one thing in the UK, they have all those, like the White Star, they were the, what are the, what's that bar they have all in almost every town there? I think it's called the Red, no, White Lion, maybe?

• 1:21:20Speaker 01

  Which town is this?

• 1:21:21Theo Von?

  The White Star Tavern is an award-winning pub, restaurant, hotel in Southampton.

• 1:21:25Speaker 01

  Southampton.

• 1:21:25Theo Von?

  No, it's, this place is everywhere.

• 1:21:28Speaker 01

  Oh, they have chain ones, but you don't even know that they're a chain in Britain.

• 1:21:31Theo Von?

  No, they don't look chain, they're chain at all. And they're just kind of like in every town they have them. Like on high street.

• 1:21:37Speaker 01

  There's a chain called Wetherspoons, which, which is a company that owns a ton of bars across Britain. There we go, J D Wetherspoons.

• 1:21:45Theo Von?

  One of the most well-known examples of J D Wetherspoons is simply spoons, they call it. Well.

• 1:21:49Speaker 01

  I performed in the corner of a few spoons in your day.

• 1:21:51Theo Von?

  Have you?

• 1:21:52Speaker 01

  Oh, yeah, man. Yeah, man.

• 1:21:54Theo Von?

  Dude, I performed in this one place in South Dakota. They had a parrot in the bar. It was like part of a thing, right? And every now and sometimes it could say some words and sometimes it would repeat a bit of your, of a punchline or something.

• 1:22:04Speaker 01

  Oh, it actually like go.

• 1:22:06Theo Von?

  Yeah.

• 1:22:09Theo Von?

  Something, you know?

• 1:22:09Speaker 01

  Bit of fun.

• 1:22:10Theo Von?

  I'll bleep that out, yeah, but.

• 1:22:11Speaker 01

  That's a bit of fun.

• 1:22:11Theo Von?

  Yeah, well, leave it in.

• 1:22:13Speaker 01

  Yeah, it's your podcast, man. I didn't say it. You said it. If I'm in trouble for sitting next to you saying it, then the world's gone too far, I think.

• 1:22:20Theo Von?

  Yeah, and that's gay.

• 1:22:21Speaker 01

  That's, that's like, sort of my new special, man. I want to talk about it just quickly, just, uh.

• 1:22:26Theo Von?

  Yeah, I want to talk about the tulip policy, man. And I'm glad that you had to set that in stone because it's just amazing. The levels of people will go around, you know, to try and cheat the system.

• 1:22:36Speaker 01

  Well, I do a meet and greet. It's, they normally just join the meet and greet.

• 1:22:38Theo Von?

  And you do it for free, I know, too, which I think is pretty amazing.

• 1:22:41Speaker 01

  Well, okay, so for the disabled people, it's for free. I do, I do a meet, I do a meet and greet with a ticket with the people in the front row.

• 1:22:48Theo Von?

  Oh, that's fair.

• 1:22:48Speaker 01

  You know, but like fifty people.

• 1:22:50Theo Von?

  Yeah.

• 1:22:50Speaker 01

  And then the disabled people are included in that. And the disabled people, God bless them, they always wait till the end of the meet and greet. I'm like, you come first. Don't worry about it. I know you're seated the whole time and the rest of us are standing, but I always get off stage. Um, I used to, I used to drink before I went to the stage and the first thing I do is pop an edible because it helps me sleep and it's also my way of chilling out. I don't go out to bars. I don't do anything. I'm not bloody, you know, I'm happily married man. I'm not out chasing tail. I'm just fucking, I just chill into my. And then I do the meet and greet and then I talk to everyone a few minutes as I meet him and chat to him about whatever they want to chat to me about. But you know you're too high when someone's paid eighty dollars to meet you and they stop the conversation.

• 1:23:35Theo Von?

  Oh.

• 1:23:36Speaker 01

  And they go, all right, Jim, it was great meeting you. And you're like this, oh, God, I, I just bored the shit out of these people. And they just paid to meet me and they found me boring.

• 1:23:48Theo Von?

  Yeah, they're like, yeah, Jim was getting laid. I've got something in the oven, Jim. Cock pot.

• 1:23:52Speaker 01

  We got a sitter, so.

• 1:23:56Theo Von?

  Jim's like, wait, wait.

• 1:23:57Speaker 01

  Yeah, I was just enjoying the show. Come back next time.

• 1:24:02Theo Von?

  Yeah, dude, I think it's congratulations. How many specials do you have now?

• 1:24:04Speaker 01

  That's special number 10, but it's it's special number six on Netflix. I think I actually have the record for Netflix. I know.

• 1:24:11Theo Von?

  I think you have the record total for anybody.

• 1:24:12Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:24:13Theo Von?

  Maybe it has 10 specials.

• 1:24:14Speaker 01

  Uh, well, there's people, I think Carlin had 11 or something like that, but but I have, I have, the six is the Hellbound's just a thing. So yeah, one, two, three, four, five. Yeah, 10, yeah. I know. Hang on, hang on. We haven't got the new one.

• 1:24:30Theo Von?

  No, you haven't.

• 1:24:30Speaker 01

  Tulim Policy. Tulim Policy's got to go down there. Well, Contraband was just a DVD. Swear to God was HBO. Alcoholics was Showtime. Then there was Epix. And then Bear Down. Uh, is to Tulim Policy, which is on there, are all Netflix. And I think Chappelle has like five Netflix's or something like that. But I was just lucky. I was. There was, okay, so there was five specials came out on the first ever Netflix. Netflix didn't do specials. Netflix and and just like Netflix was still more of a, this is about 12, 13 years ago. And they brought it. They had billboards up. Netflix is a joke. They started. This is before the festival. And they were getting into the comedy special market.

• 1:25:11Speaker 01

  And they selected five comedians. I remember people like actually going, oh, you were on HBO and now you're on Netflix. Someone's career is going well. Like really.

• 1:25:21Theo Von?

  Yeah, somebody from that little guy from Family Guy or whatever.

• 1:25:23Speaker 01

  Yeah, a little, yeah, a little patronizing facts, right? Anyway, so the the five comics they had were me, Bill Burr, Chelsea Handler, and Chelsea Peretti. Right? So it's a good lineup, right? Really good lineup of comics. And they were just, if these specials go well, we will continue. If they don't go well, we gave it a go. That was Netflix. What the feeling I got from them.

• 1:25:43Theo Von?

  Yeah.

• 1:25:44Speaker 01

  And the fifth comic, we were gonna, they were gonna do a press conference and everything. And I was like, so it was Bill Cosby. Now, no one's ever seen that special. That special's never.

• 1:25:52Theo Von?

  Really? But he did record it.

• 1:25:54Speaker 01

  He recorded one for Netflix. It's never been seen.

• 1:25:56Theo Von?

  Have you seen it?

• 1:25:57Speaker 01

  No, you what you think Netflix give me a special password that no one else gets? I still pay for my fucking Netflix like everyone else, man.

• 1:26:04Theo Von?

  Dude, that's a good point. African have a Netflix, so I can pay for Netflix too.

• 1:26:08Speaker 01

  Yeah, I got six Netflix specials and I have to log in like everyone else to watch me.

• 1:26:12Theo Von?

  I have fucking two accounts, one here and one Nashville.

• 1:26:15Speaker 01

  They tell me off when I'm in an Airbnb. They go, you've logged into too many devices. Me. That's one of the things I do do when I'm in an Airbnb and someone else has already logged into Netflix and someone else's account that I've never met. As I leave the house, I put my special on. I think one more rating. Get one more. Here we go. The stats. So it's 2014.

• 1:26:35Theo Von?

  Bill Cosby, seventy seven, is an unreleased 2014 standup comedy film, film before a live audience at San Francisco Jazz Center in California, around sixty minutes in duration. Cosby pontificating on matters of children, romance and matrimony.

• 1:26:50Speaker 01

  Yeah. I, you know, when he came out of prison, the first thing he did, because I was at Flappers like that night, just trying stuff out. And then I went to the improv like a couple of days later. And he rang every comedy club was the first thing, because he would have rung one of his managers and they're like, hey, we don't rep you anymore, dude. And then he rang up the comedy clubs as he was out of prison. His first impulse was, I want to do standup.

• 1:27:14Theo Von?

  Get back on stage.

• 1:27:15Speaker 01

  And there's a bit of me that wants to see that, don't you? Like, like as terrible a man as he is, and you know, but I want to hear how he fashioned a shiv out of in prison, you know what I mean?

• 1:27:28Theo Von?

  Yeah, I want to hear how, like, if he was still doing, I guess, if he was still doing rapes in prison or whatever, too. Or what, like, is there a group in prison, if you're a raper, like a scene, you know what I'm saying? Like a group of, you know what I'm saying? Like, who do you, because once you get into, things get very tribal in there. So like, do you associate with people that kind of have similar crimes?

• 1:27:47Speaker 01

  I think if everyone just, he was, he was one of these people who was almost blind. He's only got like ten percent, but he's got cataracts on his eyes. I think they just left him alone and he's probably, probably people were starstruck. You know, you're all, you're all criminals in there. You know what I mean? Like.

• 1:28:01Theo Von?

  Dude, a friend of mine did cocaine with OJ Simpson once, and they were in New York City.

• 1:28:06Speaker 01

  As you do.

• 1:28:07Theo Von?

  Yeah. And he said that nobody had a car key on him. They were just doing bumps of cocaine. And OJ had a knife on him that he pulled out and used it to give everybody cocaine. And I know my friend's not lying about this.

• 1:28:19Speaker 01

  This is obviously after the murders. This isn't like the night before.

• 1:28:23Theo Von?

  Yeah.

• 1:28:25Theo Von?

  But just imagine that, like, imagine being, because I mean, he had that book, If I Did It, like, imagine it's being that psychotic that you're gonna live right there on that line of just, just like grotesqueness really for people.

• 1:28:39Speaker 01

  It's funny because drugs are the, drugs are the thing, aren't they? Drugs are the thing that, Uh, if you do them in front of people, you that that's a real sign of trust.

• 1:28:51Theo Von?

  Yeah.

• 1:28:51Speaker 01

  That I'm letting you into my circle, that you're gonna watch me do this thing, that I could get in. You know, there was, there was, there was a comic I know and I won't get, you know, cause he doesn't wanna be known about this at all and his career's going fine and all that stuff. But he was doing it, you know, and then one of his mates sent out a photo of him doing it to the paper. And then it was just like, you know, like fuck you dude.

• 1:29:15Theo Von?

  Yeah.

• 1:29:15Speaker 01

  Like fuck you, you know, I I've I've back in the day, twenty years ago, I've done drugs with famous people in the room and and I'm a blabbermouth, I'll fucking tell any story I can to get laughs, but I've nev- I've never slipped up on that, I've never, I I feel that's an intensely private thing.

• 1:29:31Theo Von?

  Yeah, I think it would be awkward.

• 1:29:32Speaker 01

  Except for O G Simpson, where of course I would fucking do.

• 1:29:35Theo Von?

  You have to tell that.

• 1:29:35Speaker 01

  If it's a murderer.

• 1:29:37Theo Von?

  Yeah.

• 1:29:37Speaker 01

  You can talk about the murderer.

• 1:29:39Theo Von?

  Who's y'all's best murderer over there from Australia, you think?

• 1:29:42Speaker 01

  Well, Chopper's not bad.

• 1:29:43Theo Von?

  Ooh.

• 1:29:43Speaker 01

  You know what was good about Chopper is they made a movie about him, the movie was massive, right, he's dead now. And then as he was dying, he went on sixty minutes and talked about more murders that he did after the movie.

• 1:29:54Theo Von?

  No, wow.

• 1:29:56Speaker 01

  He basically became a stand up comic afterwards, after the movie came out and he went and did a rack on tour, uh, night with Chopper. Where he'd tell his stories and anyway, so then I stabbed the little cunt and fucking, you know, he did all that type of stuff. And a bloke came up to him afterwards, who was like some guy from a gang that he had a fight and he came up with a book to the book sign and he went, g'day, Chop Chop. He goes, oh, it's been a while, mate, we used to be adversaries, didn't he, thinking it was all water under the bridge? Then he killed that cunt.

• 1:30:25Theo Von?

  Really?

• 1:30:25Speaker 01

  He was already, yeah, he was already fucking, and then so he.

• 1:30:28Theo Von?

  Oh my god.

• 1:30:29Speaker 01

  He's dying.

• 1:30:30Theo Von?

  He was off the clock at that point.

• 1:30:31Speaker 01

  He's dying of cancer, like a few weeks left, and so he just goes on sixty minutes and talks about his other murders.

• 1:30:38Theo Von?

  You have to.

• 1:30:38Speaker 01

  Fucking.

• 1:30:40Theo Von?

  You have to.

• 1:30:41Speaker 01

  And everyone could do an impersonation of him, like, every- everyone does the impersonation of Eric Banner's impersonation, rather, you know, it's two impersonations removed.

• 1:30:48Theo Von?

  Chopper.

• 1:30:49Speaker 01

  But do yourself a favour, man, watch the movie Chopper, it's a fucking banger of a movie. It's, there's this one scene where he shoots a guy because he's like, where's the drug money, where's the drug money, where's the drug money, where is it, where's, there's no money, there's no money, there's no money, there's no money. You know, show me the fucking money, I wanna see the fucking money, I wanna see the fucking money. Like that, right? And then the guy's just like this and then he like feels bad for him and he drives him to the fucking emergency room himself.

• 1:31:13Theo Von?

  Wow. Yeah, that's tough to do. It's hard to drive when somebody's, when, when there's that energy that somebody's bleeding in the car.

• 1:31:20Speaker 01

  Is it?

• 1:31:20Theo Von?

  I find, yeah, I've had friends bleeding and you're trying to get there and they're kind of pissed, you know, like I thought, look, I'm taking you, you know? And it's like, but they.

• 1:31:27Speaker 01

  It wasn't a gun wound, it was someone cut themselves or something.

• 1:31:30Theo Von?

  Yeah, it was a knife wound, but yeah, still like, I think there's that nerve that there's that scary energy or a friend, I had a friend who went into labor and had to get them to the hospital and it's like, fuck.

• 1:31:38Speaker 01

  Uh, the, the, the, the birth, going in for the birth, that is.

• 1:31:44Theo Von?

  Would you do it again?

• 1:31:45Speaker 01

  Oh, I, I can't, I've had a vasectomy.

• 1:31:47Theo Von?

  You, you could do it.

• 1:31:49Speaker 01

  I, I could, I could reverse the, well, they don't reverse the vasectomies anymore. You know what they do? They just put a needle in your testicle and they extract the semen.

• 1:31:57Theo Von?

  No, and just give it to your wife?

• 1:31:59Speaker 01

  And then just give it to your wife. So if, if, if, if I ever wanted to have another one, I don't know, would that be like some old ass cum that's just sitting around your belly, but. Oh, here we go, Ivan Mallett, here we go. So he's the backpacker murder, Ivan, the, the T, the, the movie Wolf Creek, you've seen Wolf Creek?

• 1:32:14Theo Von?

  Oh, yeah, scary dude.

• 1:32:16Speaker 01

  That's based on Ivan Mallett. Now Ivan Mallett was this guy, the British backpackers, if they broke down, he went and helped them out with their trucks and then they were never fucking seen again. And they don't know, every now and again, they would find a body, I think he's dead, he's, yeah, he's dead. Um, I, every now and again, they'd find a body and they'd go, they'd go, uh, and Ivan would go, yeah, that one's me as well. Oh, you fucking got me.

• 1:32:39Theo Von?

  Did you ever meet any of these guys?

• 1:32:41Speaker 01

  Okay, I, I never met any of them, but there was, I, I have a story about, there's one called the Clermont Killer. Uh, Clermont Killer was, when I was in university in Perth and I was getting into, I, I'd done stand up when I was seventeen. And then stopped doing it. And then when I was twenty, I took it back up again. I'd done like four open mics and then I thought I'll give it another go at it. Because I had, out of the three or four open mics I had, I had a couple of bad experiences and I was scared.

• 1:33:08Theo Von?

  Yeah.

• 1:33:09Speaker 01

  Um, so the Clermont Killer, this bloke here, uh.

• 1:33:13Theo Von?

  Bradley Robert Edwards.

• 1:33:15Speaker 01

  Yeah, so, uh, man convicted of murder, the crimes have, that's when I was at university, right? These are the years when I was at university. So the place was, now Clermont was a very posh area in Perth. Uh, and it was a, a, a big nightlife place and all the girls allegedly went to get a taxi or whatever. And so all the taxi drivers were being checked for DNA and all that type of stuff. You know, when you're starting in comedy, what do you do to get more stage time? You run your own gig.

• 1:33:40Theo Von?

  Yeah.

• 1:33:41Speaker 01

  We've all done it. You set up a gig in a pub, I'll emcee.

• 1:33:44Theo Von?

  Invite all your friends.

• 1:33:45Speaker 01

  Invite some other open micers that you've become mates with. Invite all your friends and this is how you start to work up to get good at it, right? And luckily for me, all the bars in Claremont were dead empty. They, they. They needed punters. So, so the bar, the Claremont Hotel, which is like, which is the, one of the nicest pubs in all of us in Australia, could have no one there on a Friday or Saturday. And so it's like.

• 1:34:11Theo Von?

  How's it the killer?

• 1:34:12Speaker 01

  It's like, I was like, I'll make sure we all drive in and there's always designated drivers and that type of stuff. Cause all the rest of the girls got in cabs, everyone stayed together. All my mates from university, we used to go out into the murder zone to watch me do stand up.

• 1:34:24Theo Von?

  That's fucking class, dude. We had, uh, we had a guy, who did we have? We had, um, the Baton Rouge Serial Killer when I was in college over there. Bring him up and that was Lee.

• 1:34:38Speaker 01

  Harvey.

• 1:34:39Theo Von?

  No. Todd Lee. Derek Todd Lee, D T L, they called him.

• 1:34:43Speaker 01

  Oh, here we go.

• 1:34:44Theo Von?

  D T L, and he was D T F too, I think. He was a killer and rapist.

• 1:34:48Speaker 01

  Not a lot of black serial killers. I watched a lot of True Crime.

• 1:34:51Theo Von?

  Yeah, cause they kept saying he was white and they kept like, like swabbing all the honkies in our town and everything. And then, uh, they called him, they called him right there, Peanut, they called him too. Some people called him Peanut. Did he get killed in prison? Where is he today? He probably, he looks like he could work for U P F.

• 1:35:08Speaker 01

  You don't have the death penalty down there?

• 1:35:10Theo Von?

  I don't know. I mean, if you're, you hang out in New Orleans long enough, you'll get shot once, but I don't know if that's the death penalty. That's just like tourism.

• 1:35:19Speaker 01

  So you grew up in, like, not in New Orleans though, right?

• 1:35:22Theo Von?

  Regular town, Covington is our town. Yeah. I don't know if we had any, no Aussies near us.

• 1:35:27Speaker 01

  I've, I've, I very, it's, it's funny thing about like.

• 1:35:30Theo Von?

  Forty seven.

• 1:35:30Speaker 01

  All, all, all Australians who come out, they go, I'm coming out to L A, I'm gonna come out to L A. And then they come and visit me and they go, where are you going? I go, oh, we're gonna go to New York and we're gonna go to Orlando. Right? That's all the three places they go.

• 1:35:43Theo Von?

  Is that the main spots? I was wondering what are the main spots that Australians go in the U S?

• 1:35:46Speaker 01

  I just, I, I've been telling people, go to fucking Nashville, man. It's like, it's like as much fun. They'll, they'll go to Vegas as well, of course, right? Right? And I'm like, go to Miami, go, go to New Orleans. There's like these places that. Fucking awesome. There's so many cities in America where you're like, this place is fucking a bu- and then there's also hidden gems gems in Australia that you might not know about. Like, like, a lot of people might go to Brisbane instead of going to the Gold Coast, and the Gold Coast has got a lot of fun things to do.

• 1:36:14Theo Von?

  Oh, the Gold Coast was amazing, dude. We would take, we got bikes and went and you could ride them on the sand on the beach, those motorized bikes, dude. Just zipping. I mean, the beach, it was like seventy miles long, you're just cruising. Absolutely beautiful, you know?

• 1:36:26Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:36:26Theo Von?

  Dude, that was, that was amazing.

• 1:36:28Speaker 01

  That's, that's, that's our Miami, isn't it?

• 1:36:30Theo Von?

  Yes, it was. And it was just like.

• 1:36:31Speaker 01

  But a little bit more rednecky Miami.

• 1:36:33Theo Von?

  Yeah, a little safer though, too, cleaner.

• 1:36:35Speaker 01

  Yeah, yeah. Oh, no, it's, it's a banger. It's a banger of a place. But how'd you find the sun? You had to be sunscreen.

• 1:36:41Theo Von?

  We went to New Zealand, and the sun there will kill you. You can't stay out very long. Some of the beaches there.

• 1:36:46Speaker 01

  Well, the hole, the hole in the ozone layer is, is over Australia and New Zealand. It's over Australia and New Zealand. There's one, I believe, on the North Pole, and the other one's down there. But I'm an environmentalist in the sense that I believe in global warming, and I think that we need to make adjustments. Otherwise, the world's fucked, and the water levels are gonna rise. And a lot of people don't believe that, blah, blah, blah. But I will say this. We got rid of the CFCs from the hairspray, from the refrigeration, and from the styrofoam, which was the three main places where CFC, and the hole's getting smaller. It does, if we make change, that is a good example of how things can actually fix itself.

• 1:37:24Theo Von?

  Right.

• 1:37:25Speaker 01

  You know what I mean? Because we, we only found out about it. Like, we got, there's a layer. Like, in the eighties, they were like, there's a layer. Oh, yeah. And sadly, there's a hole in it. And we're fucked.

• 1:37:36Theo Von?

  Fuck. That's the most, I mean, they.

• 1:37:38Speaker 01

  And like, can you imagine now if they brought that out at news, the internet, the conspiracy theories that would come out now, if you went, there's a mystical layer around us, and there's a hole in it, and the, the, the UV rights go through there, and then they.

• 1:37:52Theo Von?

  Nobody would believe that.

• 1:37:53Speaker 01

  It's too far-fetched. But it's the same as like, the first country to just tell you about germs. Oh, there's these things you can't see that'll get on you and make you sick. And if you're, you know, doing surgery or stuff, you should wash your hands because if those germs get into the cut infections will happen. What, what do you mean? Oh, you can't see him?

• 1:38:12Theo Von?

  Like they're ghosts?

• 1:38:13Speaker 01

  Yeah, yeah.

• 1:38:14Theo Von?

  That's what you would ask. That would be ridiculous.

• 1:38:15Speaker 01

  Yeah, yeah. And they're microscopic. They're little tiny things and they'll jump. That's fucking.

• 1:38:20Theo Von?

  They would have hung him. They probably killed that guy.

• 1:38:22Speaker 01

  That's science fiction shit.

• 1:38:24Theo Von?

  Yeah.

• 1:38:24Speaker 01

  That's, that's completely science fiction.

• 1:38:26Theo Von?

  Everything's kind of like, everything's science fiction really until, you know, until it becomes true, I guess. Everything's, I don't know.

• 1:38:33Speaker 01

  Well, my mate Reece Darby, who you know Reece Darby from our flag means death, apply the concords. I say, he's a big, big, Bigfoot guy.

• 1:38:40Theo Von?

  Is he?

• 1:38:41Speaker 01

  He loves Bigfoot.

• 1:38:41Theo Von?

  Does Australians have their own Bigfoot?

• 1:38:44Speaker 01

  Uh, we, there's probably so. Oh, well, we have a bunyip.

• 1:38:49Theo Von?

  Bunyip?

• 1:38:49Speaker 01

  Bunyips.

• 1:38:50Theo Von?

  Let me see them.

• 1:38:51Speaker 01

  Yeah, bunyip. A bunyip is like, so B U N, bun, Y U, there we go, bunyip. There it is.

• 1:38:59Theo Von?

  A mythical creature from Australia Aboriginal folklore primarily found in the southeastern regions. It's described as a large aquatic beast and having swamps, billabongs, creeks and water holes. Yeah, the bunyip.

• 1:39:10Speaker 01

  Well, what?

• 1:39:10Theo Von?

  Oh, yeah.

• 1:39:11Speaker 01

  Reece always says to me, I go, I go, where, where, where's the bones? Where's the fossils? Where's the thing? And he always goes, the platypus? Cause the platypus was a mythical thing until someone actually caught one. There was people who said, I've seen it. It's the beaver with a duck's head.

• 1:39:28Theo Von?

  Yeah.

• 1:39:29Speaker 01

  Right?

• 1:39:29Theo Von?

  Yeah, yeah. It's a trans beaver or whatever.

• 1:39:32Speaker 01

  And they're so elusive and they, they're so at the bottom of these creeks and stuff like that, no one ever saw them. They, they were a Bigfoot of its time.

• 1:39:41Theo Von?

  And no shit, they look like, like they are totally fictional. If you look at that animal, I mean, that's insane looking.

• 1:39:47Speaker 01

  They're their own breed of animal. They're a monotrem, monotrem. Um, which means that they are a marsupial that lays eggs.

• 1:39:58Theo Von?

  Wow.

• 1:39:59Speaker 01

  So every other marsupial uses a pouch and obviously the animal crawls into the pouch, it digests and it gets bigger and bigger and bigger until it can stick its head out of the pouch, et cetera, right? But this is, yeah, it's, it's a marsupial that lays eggs. It's its own fucking creature, man.

• 1:40:11Theo Von?

  They're beautiful. We gotta get somebody to bring one in. I would love to see one.

• 1:40:14Speaker 01

  Yeah, well, I've only ever seen him in the zoo.

• 1:40:16Theo Von?

  You think they're keen to people?

• 1:40:17Speaker 01

  I've never seen one in the wild. They're, um, they're on one of our coins. You know, we always put a different, that's, that's the great thing about Australia is we have, uh, uh, we have some good looking weird areas. There's the platypus and he's all swimming around, 20 cents.

• 1:40:30Theo Von?

  That pee puss right there, rocking on me.

• 1:40:32Speaker 01

  Yeah, he gets on the, he gets on the money. He's popular, the platypus.

• 1:40:35Theo Von?

  I love them. And are they only in Australia?

• 1:40:38Speaker 01

  Yes, they're only in Australia.

• 1:40:39Theo Von?

  Oh, wow. See, that's a great thing. You guys have like, it's just something unique over there, man. I really think that, uh, I, I wonder if people, I wonder if people are excited about the direction America's headed. I wonder if people are, I don't know. I just get paranoid that everybody's kind of freaking out right now.

• 1:40:56Speaker 01

  Okay.

• 1:40:57Theo Von?

  Are people, are people freaking out in Australia right now?

• 1:40:59Speaker 01

  Yes, everyone's freaking out all around the world.

• 1:41:01Theo Von?

  Really?

• 1:41:01Speaker 01

  Yeah, the world is in, in, in a transitional phase. Which direction we're about to go in, who knows? Things might, you know, I, I look, I, I'm an anti-Trump guy. I know you've, you've met, you know him, right?

• 1:41:16Theo Von?

  Yeah, I mean, as much as you can kind of know. I mean, I'm actually, you know, I've met him a couple of times, you know?

• 1:41:20Speaker 01

  Right, and, and I know that a lot of people, fans of this podcast are gonna hate me, right? Anything, so, but that's life, that's putting yourself out there, right? Um, I, I'm at the stage now with Donald Trump where I can't argue anymore. I've done the stand-up routines, I had a stand-up, I had a TV show where I talked about it. There's no more arguments for me to make about the guy because he's not getting fucking voted in again. This is it.

• 1:41:47Theo Von?

  Right.

• 1:41:47Speaker 01

  These next three years, this is it. It's it's here now, so I'm I'm of the opinion, let's just fucking see how it goes. You know, thi- this whole idea that Americans are always with impeach, impeach, he's been impeached. Bill Clinton was impeached. It's all bullshit.

• 1:42:04Theo Von?

  Yeah.

• 1:42:04Speaker 01

  Means fucking nothing.

• 1:42:06Theo Von?

  Yeah.

• 1:42:06Speaker 01

  Means nothing. Oh, but he's a convicted criminal. Only makes him stronger. What the liberals have to stop doing is kicking up and down going, he's wrong and this is wrong. And just figure out ways to beat him. Stop fucking telling me how bad he is and figure out a way to fucking beat him because Kamala Harris wasn't the fucking answer.

• 1:42:22Theo Von?

  Yeah.

• 1:42:23Speaker 01

  Right?

• 1:42:23Theo Von?

  Oh, I agree.

• 1:42:24Speaker 01

  You know, so.

• 1:42:25Theo Von?

  I agree that you gotta figure, you have to, yeah, it's like you have to find a solution if you're just sitting there yelling about everything. It's all the, most of these parties do.

• 1:42:32Speaker 01

  But now there is no beating him. Now it's just riding it out.

• 1:42:35Theo Von?

  Yeah.

• 1:42:36Speaker 01

  Right? Just just riding it. You know, it's it's it's uh, he he said, was it on your podcast where he said he would get rid of income tax? Was it here?

• 1:42:46Theo Von?

  Hmm.

• 1:42:46Speaker 01

  Whose podcast? It was on some podcast. It might have been.

• 1:42:49Theo Von?

  Might have been with Schultz.

• 1:42:50Speaker 01

  Might have been Schultz. He said, he said, if the tariffs work, I'll get rid of income tax. I tell you what, I have been one of those people who referred to Donald Trump as Hitler, right? And my, I will also add this, not at the end, not up, because everyone goes, but Hitler killed six million Jews. I'm not talking about that era. I'm talking about Hitler just out of art school.

• 1:43:08Theo Von?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 1:43:09Speaker 01

  Yeah, you know, I'm like, you know.

• 1:43:10Theo Von?

  Yeah, like a sophomore Hitler.

• 1:43:12Speaker 01

  Yeah, yeah. So I tell you what, if he gets rid of income tax, you'll never hear me call him Hitler ever again. I'll be too busy calling him my Fuhrer. If he gets rid of income tax, you'll have no more complaints from me. I'll be all right. But like, you know, look, how, I'll ask you a question. How do you think things are going?

• 1:43:30Theo Von?

  I think that I do, I don't like this stuff in uh, with Gaza in the Middle East. I don't understand why um, we have such, why we give so much money to Israel. Like, you know, every, a lot of the big countries are against them right now. I get that thing Netanyahu is like, is like the new Hitler. It's like, or that Netanyahu is the worst. So it's like, I don't understand that relationship. Um, and then.

• 1:43:52Speaker 01

  It's a tricky one, that one, because no one wants to watch a genocide and what happened, that they shouldn't have taken hostages and no one, you know, Hamas isn't fucking angels and all that stuff. But if if you can see those pictures of those starving kids and not be moved and not think that we should do something about that, that's fucking, you're you're wrong.

• 1:44:11Theo Von?

  I agree.

• 1:44:12Speaker 01

  You know what I mean? So so whatever side, and I don't want to get into what side I'm on. I think it's pretty obvious where I'm at, but. Whatever side you're on, right? We're all on the side of children not fucking starving, right?

• 1:44:25Theo Von?

  Yeah.

• 1:44:25Speaker 01

  We're all on that side. So let's figure that out. And then diplomacy, let's fucking talk. Yeah, well, now we've got Palestine being recognized as its own state and stuff like that. Maybe that's somewhere where we can start moving forward. I, I, I, I don't, I don't have the answer, but

• 1:44:41Theo Von?

  Yeah, me neither.

• 1:44:42Speaker 01

  What's, what's going on now is not the fucking right thing. I'll tell you that much. And, and a lot of politicians have to, you know, we elect these people to actually make change. All right, make change, man.

• 1:44:54Theo Von?

  Yeah.

• 1:44:54Speaker 01

  You know, I, I could be, I could be turned in to a Donald Trump fan very quickly. It wouldn't take much if he just, if he stopped that war there really like in a succinct way that was fair and, and just, you've got all my support in the world, man. I'm not just here going fuck that guy and his dumb fucking orange skin and his bad comb over. You know what I mean? Like it's not, it's, it's, so, so you were saying you

• 1:45:18Theo Von?

  Yeah, I wanna see action. I just, you know, it's like, and then I wonder, you know, it feels very much like we're headed into a surveillance state. You know, these are things that I just like, am concerned about. I, overall, I'd, I'm, I've

• 1:45:29Speaker 01

  But you were just saying how much you enjoyed Australia and how Britain, all that sort of stuff. Britain's got more cameras than

• 1:45:35Theo Von?

  I agree, but

• 1:45:35Speaker 01

  You're filmed 24 hours a day in the UK.

• 1:45:37Theo Von?

  I think we're headed there very quickly. That's why there's all this ICE stuff. That's why they're pulling everybody off streets because they have to get inventory. In two years, there's gonna be, I believe we're gonna be in a surveillance state. You won't be able to, say if you walked out in public and you were not here, uh, docu, you didn't have documentation to be here. And people have different thoughts and all that, that's fine. I'm just saying that if you didn't have documentation to be here, the cameras, it would notice immediately. So e- everything has to be on the books. That's where I think we're headed. And so that's why I think they're doing all of that stuff. Um, which I'm not saying makes it wrong or right, but I think that that's where we're headed.

• 1:46:08Speaker 01

  We've already got that. Okay. So Louisiana has that prison escape, right? You know, all those prisons, they caught them all through facial recognition.

• 1:46:15Theo Von?

  Who does? Louisiana?

• 1:46:16Speaker 01

  Yeah. You remember when there was that prison where, yeah, they all ran off that loading dock.

• 1:46:19Theo Von?

  One's still out, I think. Who's that?

• 1:46:21Speaker 01

  Is there, is there one still going?

• 1:46:22Theo Von?

  They call him a hot boy.

• 1:46:24Speaker 01

  This is the weird thing about prison breaks. Never in cinematic history have we fought, have we championed the police trying to catch them.

• 1:46:33Theo Von?

  That's true.

• 1:46:33Speaker 01

  Every time we want, so we got, we got one out.

• 1:46:38Theo Von?

  As of June 2025, the Louisiana inmates are no longer at large. Damn.

• 1:46:41Speaker 01

  Yeah, they're all done.

• 1:46:42Theo Von?

  Antoine Massey and Derek Grove is the last two to be apprehended. Shout out Massey and Grove.

• 1:46:46Speaker 01

  But this was the thing is there was facial recognition that picked up the people and now they're like, oh yeah, we have that technology here.

• 1:46:52Theo Von?

  Right. They had to admit it.

• 1:46:53Speaker 01

  They had to admit it because that's how they caught him. And while we were using it for a thing, we weren't using it again. They just sort of fluffed over it like, eh, yeah, of course they've already got it, mate.

• 1:47:01Theo Von?

  Yeah.

• 1:47:01Speaker 01

  They've already got it. You, have you seen, I'm a support the Clippers? If you go to that Inuit Dome, have you been to see anything there? You don't, there's just facial recognition as you walk in.

• 1:47:12Theo Von?

  That's it.

• 1:47:12Speaker 01

  You've already done it on the app? As you walk in, they're like, hello Jim. And you're like.

• 1:47:17Theo Von?

  Wow. Yeah.

• 1:47:18Speaker 01

  You just walk straight in.

• 1:47:20Theo Von?

  It's happening fast. It's here. We just, we're not, we're not realizing that it's here, you know? But I'll say this, I just want people to be able to be, I don't, you know, it's kind of like ethereal, but it's like, you want people to be able to live in a safe place. You want people to have jobs and have purpose. So those types of things, I don't understand some of the bigger picture things like what happens with tariffs and what their goals are and all of that kind of shit. I just, it starts to really feel like that neither party represents the people and that's the part that kind of concerns me the most. So.

• 1:47:48Speaker 01

  Well, the tariffs, I just wish they, if, if you need to do them, okay. So, okay. I haven't, I haven't felt any joy from it. I haven't seen my bank balance go up. I haven't seen my neighbor get a job. I haven't seen factories, you know, and I might be wrong, but just the eye check, I haven't seen any benefit from it. All I've found is there's things that I'm paying for that are costing more, right? But maybe it's too soon to, look, I don't.

• 1:48:15Theo Von?

  It could be too soon to tell. I think you had, I think, you know, he's a brash guy. Shit is gonna be brash. Is he leaning in and making it more brash for no reason?

• 1:48:23Speaker 01

  He needs a cleaner fucking thing that we see. We go, this is how, every day you turn on the news, it's like this. Uh, we're gonna tariff them 35% and this country is getting 30 and fuck you, 45 for you cunts. You know what I mean? Like it's, it really is just a bloke just throwing numbers out there. If he had a thing with a chart, a very clear thing that said this country's. Are getting this and this is the reason why and this is how we're going forward. I might not agree with it. I may not respect it, but at least I'd understand it.

• 1:48:55Theo Von?

  I agree. Get a fucking chart, man. Get us a chart. Things just seem very bizarre. But I think, I feel like they all know something that's going on or gonna happen and we don't know it. That's a feeling that I have.

• 1:49:05Speaker 01

  Any war could happen at any fucking stage.

• 1:49:08Theo Von?

  I don't know if it's war, it could be aliens, it could be anything.

• 1:49:10Speaker 01

  You reckon it's aliens?

• 1:49:11Theo Von?

  You know, I don't know.

• 1:49:12Speaker 01

  You reckon the aliens will wait until now? After all, you know, I, okay, so you think, I, I've seen a UFO. I said, you know what I saw a UFO? I saw a UFO with a plane of people. I was on an airplane. And I saw a UFO and we all looked out the window and went, ah, blah, blah, blah, blah.

• 1:49:30Theo Von?

  Uh-uh. In USA? In USA?

• 1:49:31Speaker 01

  In America.

• 1:49:32Theo Von?

  Wow.

• 1:49:32Speaker 01

  Ah, but we were flying over area fifty one. We were, we were flying near Vegas, coming, coming back across the thing. It was probably, I don't think I saw an alien. I think I saw a test vehicle. Being flown, but it was circular like a ball and it moved in those type of.

• 1:49:47Theo Von?

  You're no doubt you saw it.

• 1:49:48Speaker 01

  I saw it with a, I saw it with a lot of people. I saw it with a lot of people.

• 1:49:53Theo Von?

  And have y'all kept in touch or anything like that?

• 1:49:54Speaker 01

  No, I, I didn't get me phone out, which I wish I did, cause we all went, whoa. And I, I was over area fifty one. Area fifty one, by its own admission, is where they test new aircrafts, right? Where they test new aircrafts. So I, I saw an unidentified flying object. I don't believe there were aliens in it now. Could it be alien technology? I don't think, it's a really long way. I believe there's lots of aliens out there. I believe there's tons of them. I, I just don't think if you came here and visited, you'd hover around a little bit and then duck off. I, I think there'd be more to it.

• 1:50:28Theo Von?

  I think they used to come here a lot and now this is like going to like an old theme park. I don't think they come here as much. I think like if you have to bring your kids here for like their spring break, if you're an alien, their kids are like, fuck that place, you know? So I think they're probably off doing cooler shit maybe, but um, what do I know, you know?

• 1:50:45Speaker 01

  Oh, you don't wanna go there. It's like our planet in the seventies.

• 1:50:48Theo Von?

  Or like they're like Panama City Beach or something, Florida, you know, it's like, used to be great, but now they're all going to like Vegas somewhere, some other place.

• 1:50:55Speaker 01

  Do you think in your lifetime, we will have proof of aliens?

• 1:50:58Theo Von?

  Yes, I do.

• 1:50:59Speaker 01

  In your lifetime?

• 1:51:00Theo Von?

  Yeah, I think something is, is looming in the distance, it feels like.

• 1:51:04Speaker 01

  Cause we have proof of UFOs. They've shown the footage. The FBI has released footage.

• 1:51:08Theo Von?

  Fucking you saw one.

• 1:51:09Speaker 01

  Yeah, and I, yeah, yeah, but it's unidentified flying objects. It doesn't mean, and it, and it so happens that you seem to. See them more in America. That makes no fucking sense.

• 1:51:18Theo Von?

  The Scottish see them the most.

• 1:51:20Speaker 01

  Do they?

• 1:51:20Theo Von?

  Scots, yeah. They love them.

• 1:51:22Speaker 01

  But they're heavy drinkers.

• 1:51:23Theo Von?

  Mm-hmm.

• 1:51:23Speaker 01

  Heavy, heavy drinkers.

• 1:51:24Theo Von?

  Exactly, dude.

• 1:51:25Speaker 01

  And it's always so cloudy. You get a little bit of light coming through the clouds.

• 1:51:29Theo Von?

  Yeah.

• 1:51:29Speaker 01

  Hey, hey. Hello. UFO. Seen it?

• 1:51:35Theo Von?

  Yeah.

• 1:51:36Speaker 01

  You know what I mean? That's just the sun, mate.

• 1:51:39Theo Von?

  It's just a bit of ray gun, lad. Um, Jim Jefferies, dude, thanks so much for hanging out, dude. I got a fricking, I got a show tonight, so I gotta.

• 1:51:46Speaker 01

  Can I, can I just plug what I've got going on at the moment?

• 1:51:49Theo Von?

  Oh, yeah, for sure, yeah.

• 1:51:49Speaker 01

  Just very quickly, I'll just get my plugs out of the way. I've got Two Limb Policy on Netflix right now. Watch it. Um, I'm very proud of it. Happy with this special. Uh, I also have a podcast called ATM with me and Amos Gill, uh, that is coming out. I am in a movie coming out, a Jordan Peele film where, called, called Him, which is directed by Justin Tipping, produced by Jordan Peele, uh, Marlon Wayans, Tyree with his Julia Fox, and it's like a proper cinematic release and I'm like doing drama shit, man. I'm like acting in that. And, uh, I have a TV show on Fox, which is a reality show called The Snake, which is a lot of fun, which is, which is

• 1:52:30Speaker 01

  my 12-year-old's favorite program, favorite thing I've done. So The Snake is like a mix between Fear Factor, Survivor and Big Brother, uh, just sort of, you know, but check out The Snake.

• 1:52:40Theo Von?

  Yeah.

• 1:52:41Speaker 01

  The Snake's all right, man.

• 1:52:42Theo Von?

  And you can watch it with your kids, right?

• 1:52:43Speaker 01

  Right. It's, it's the first thing I've done that I can watch with my kids.

• 1:52:46Theo Von?

  That's pretty cool.

• 1:52:46Speaker 01

  Yeah, yeah, yeah. So, uh.

• 1:52:48Theo Von?

  We're growing up.

• 1:52:49Speaker 01

  That's me for things. Uh, I, I probably, last time I did a podcast, it was probably six years ago or something like that. And that's, uh, I'll wait until all these things are done and see if I have some new stuff and come back in again.

• 1:53:01Theo Von?

  I'd love to. Anytime. I feel bad, man. Today I was just really kind of tired. I think I'm kind of exhausted. So it was hard for me to like think of some different stuff, you know?

• 1:53:07Speaker 01

  I didn't shut up, man. So I'm sorry if you had some more questions.

• 1:53:10Theo Von?

  No, it was a blessing, dude. Um, and we want to get that photo of Lieutenant Max Nugent. We'd love to keep him here if it's okay with your brother.

• 1:53:16Speaker 01

  That would be, that would be.

• 1:53:17Theo Von?

  Unless that's weird. Is it weird?

• 1:53:18Speaker 01

  Uh, you don't have to have him here all the time. You can have him sometimes or whatever, or whatever, but, uh, no, anytime we can remember. That's the favorite, my favorite thing I, I just did today was talk about my nephew.

• 1:53:29Theo Von?

  Yeah.

• 1:53:30Speaker 01

  So.

• 1:53:30Theo Von?

  Well, it was awesome to see a photo of him and thank you, uh, for sharing and thank you for your service, Mr. Max Nugent. We appreciate that. Uh, Jim Jefferies, um, Two Limb? Policy. Policy. Is out now. Check it out. I'll share it on socials in just a few minutes as soon as you get out of here. Thanks so much, dude, and congratulations on everything, dude. Thanks, bro. You too.

• 1:54:18Theo Von?

  New and exclusive holiday decor just launched online at The Home Depot. Check out the viral Grand Duchess collection with smart holiday lights you can control from your phone. Easily customize the twinkle across trees, wreaths, and garlands to match your holiday vibe. Creates stunning light effects, then switch it up with the tap of your fingers. Even the man in red will be impressed. Shop the holiday decor you want, online only, at homedepot.com.