How To DESTROY Negative Thoughts (And Rewire Your Brain) | Tony Robbins

My new book, “Own Or Be Owned”, is all about building a business so good it doesn't need you. More profit, less pain. It's out NOW. Grab it here! https://contrarianthinking.biz/oobo_bigdeal - cs Most people think mindset is everything. Tony Robbins knows better — it's what comes before mindset that determines whether you break through or break down. After 49 years coaching everyone from world leaders to suicidal strangers, the legendary peak performance strategist has cracked the code on why most people set goals they never keep, make decisions they never follow through on, and stay stuck in patterns they know are destroying their lives. In this raw, unfiltered conversation, Tony breaks down the exact three-step formula for creating breakthroughs that actually last: state, story, and strategy — in that order. We dive into why your emotional state controls everything you perceive, how the stories you tell yourself become the limitations you live by, and why even the best strategy in the world won't work if you're in the wrong state when you try to execute it. Tony reveals why fasting is easier than dieting (absolutes beat negotiation every time), how a general made a 10-year Pentagon decision in 40 minutes, and why most people confuse deciding with committing when real transformation requires resolve. But this isn't theory — it's applied psychology from the trenches. Tony walks through his actual intervention process, why he asks 167 questions before making one statement, how he reads people's top two human needs in minutes, and why sometimes you have to offend someone to actually help them. We get into why positive thinking is bullshit without capability, how a $78,000 betrayal became his greatest teacher, and why the law of attraction is real but dangerously incomplete. If you've ever set a New Year's resolution and abandoned it by February, or if you're tired of knowing what to do but not doing it, this episode will rewire how you think about change, discipline, and what it actually takes to destroy the negative thoughts holding you back. Protect what you own. Next makes it fast, simple, and painless. Check it out: https://nextinsurance.com/codie Tony's hosting his final Time to Rise Summit — three days, completely free, January 29-31. Over a million people from 193 countries have transformed their lives through this event. Sign up at https://www.timetorisesummit.com ___________ 00:00:00 Introduction 00:02:01 The Three S's to Breakthrough: State, Story, and Strategy 00:05:22 Why Your Story Controls Your Life More Than Anything Else 00:12:02 Decision, Commitment, and Resolve: The Three-Part Process 00:25:55 The Law of Attraction is Real But Not Enough 00:30:46 Why You Can't Please Everyone and Still Have Impact 00:35:21 The Oprah Story: When Support Becomes Enabling 00:43:51 The Six Human Needs and How They Drive Everything 00:46:00 Partnership Mistakes and the Three Questions for Evaluating Anyone 00:54:20 How Tony Prepares for Events: Obsessive Preparation Meets Improvisation 00:56:11 Time to Rise Summit: The Free Event Born from COVID ___________ MORE FROM BIGDEAL 🎥 YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@podcastbigdeal 📸 Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/bigdeal.podcast 📽️ TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@big.deal.pod MORE FROM CODIE SANCHEZ 🎥 YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@codiesanchezct 📸 Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/codiesanchez 📽️ TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@realcodiesanchez OTHER THINGS WE DO 🌐 Our community: https://contrarianthinking.typeform.com/to/WBztXXID 📰 Free newsletter: https://contrarianthinking.biz/3XWLlZp 📚 Biz buying course: https://contrarianthinking.biz/3NhjGgN 🏠 Resibrands: https://resibrands.com/ 💰 CT Capital: https://contrarianthinking.biz/4eRyGOk 🏦 Main St Hold Co: https://contrarianthinking.biz/3YfGa8u Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Speaker names marked ? are inferred from speaking time and the show’s known hosts — they are not voice-verified.

• 0:00Speaker 00

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• 0:25Codie Sanchez?

  There is so much. If you think it, you will get it. But I still don't think it's gonna fix everything for me.

• 0:31Speaker 02

  No, no. I mean, let's think. Whatever you think about consistently tends to manifest in your life. But there are other things beyond just that one force of what you want. To think otherwise is to think you're the center of the universe, which is absurd to me. So you're saying the law of attraction is [BLEEP]? I said, no, law of attraction is real. It's one of dozens, dozens of laws. And you're saying that's the whole game?

• 0:50Codie Sanchez?

  I'm sitting down with the iconic Tony Robbins, modern-day philosopher, author. If you're sick of the platitudes and the manifesting and unable to build a tactical, sustainable, daily approach to improving your life, today's episode is for you. Stop creating flimsy New Year's resolutions. Change your life for real today with me. So many people feel like they can't say the thing that might actually help because it might hurt somebody's feelings.

• 1:13Speaker 02

  Where do we get up this thing that you're not supposed to offend anybody? If you're not gonna offend anybody, you're not gonna have any impact. Sometimes you gotta do what's uncomfortable. Otherwise, you're just making yourself feel good. I can make myself feel good and go, gosh, that's so horrible. I understand. And [BLEEP] that. Some part of you wants transformation, or you wouldn't be in my presence. And it's gonna happen. We all tell ourselves stories about things. Our narrative of our life controls our life more than anything else. So you have to divorce your limitations and marry the truth of your unlimited ability.

• 1:41Codie Sanchez?

  What are the biggest lies that we are told because it seems nice and set up true today?

• 1:51Codie Sanchez?

  Okay, I want to talk about a million things with you. I've been so excited to have this conversation.

• 1:55Speaker 02

  It's great to have you.

• 1:56Codie Sanchez?

  Thanks for taking the time. I want to talk about a thing that I used to think was touchy-feely. And then, actually, you were one of the first guys that made me realize you could have all the tools, all the tactics, all the metrics. But if you don't have your mind right, none of it'll work.

• 2:10Speaker 02

  Right.

• 2:10Codie Sanchez?

  And one of the things that I love about you is you've beaten into my mind that peak performance starts with mindset.

• 2:17Speaker 02

  Yes.

• 2:17Codie Sanchez?

  And that that is not actually a touchy feely thing. But you've also hinted that in some ways, there's something that comes before mindset. And why is the order of that so important?

• 2:27Speaker 02

  This actually came because for, oh gosh, this is gonna be my 49th year. I've traveled the earth at a really unique time. I've been in every single major country in the world. I have clients in every country in the world. So 193 countries, give you an idea. And so after a while, you recognize patterns. And one of the patterns that I began to recognize is what creates a breakthrough? Because I'm interested not in just managing something or making it better. I want to scale something. I want to see it grow. So, or a breakthrough in your personal life. Same thing, somebody's going along and they try to change, don't follow through, try to change, don't follow through, beat themselves up. Like, what is the difference between the person who beat themselves up and the time when she finally, he or she finally broke through? And what I found is, there's actually three elements to it. And the reason most people fail to have a breakthrough, I experienced, is that they

• 3:11Speaker 02

  go after them in the wrong sequence. It's kind of like, if you know the right numbers to a vault and you put them in the wrong order, you don't get the treasure, right? Same thing with your phone number, you don't reach the person. So I'll give you the three S's to a breakthrough. The first one is not the most valuable one, it's the first one people go for. It's strategy. Now, for you and I, strategy seems like the most natural thing to go for. If I want to achieve something, how do I do it? That's the number one question, right? But the problem with asking, how do I do it? Is if you've never done it before, most people then go into what I call the tyranny of how. The tyranny of how is like, have you ever done this? Set a goal, maybe when you're really young? I'm gonna do this. You maybe even told if you were gonna do this, and this voice in your head goes, who are you kidding, right? Because what happens is, you start to doubt, because you have no reference base, you have no experience.

• 3:56Speaker 02

  And so, when you're uncertain, you don't follow through. And you look at a peak performer, what makes them a peak performer? If you watch them going down that court in the NBA or NFL, or whatever sport it may be, you feel this relentless energy. There's not an ounce of hesitancy, there's absolute certainty. That doesn't guarantee success, but it increases probability through the roof. When you focus on something you know how to do, the doubts show up. And then the second thing that happens is, I'll give you an example, let's take a simplistic piece. Seventy percent of Americans are overweight, right? We're the fattest country in the history of the world. We're infecting every other country with our dietary patterns and people around the world are getting more and more ill. But is the secret to being fit and healthy like so complex that you only need super intelligent people to understand?

• 4:40Speaker 02

  Is it that it costs so much to learn that technology? Is it special only for the point one percent of the population? No, the strategy of how to be fit and healthy, there's a million different strategies, not even just one. And they'll all work to a certain extent, some are better than others, obviously. So the strategy, it's not a strategy problem. Now, it's possible. I remember about, I don't know, it's about 15 years ago, Time Magazine had the cover of the magazine. It was the Atkins Diet and they said 14% of Americans are on the Atkins Diet. Well, if you're on the Atkins Diet, hopefully you woke up at some point and went, if this, anything makes my breath smell this bad and I gotta pee on a stick, so I got so much acid in my body, probably is not sustainable. But everybody did it, it worked for a short time, they went and did the piece to make it work.

• 5:23Speaker 02

  So some people did have the wrong strategy, but the real problem is the second S, I'm moving backwards in order of importance. Meaning strategy is the least important, even though I consider myself a strategist. I know the right strategy could save you 10 years in your business. The right strategy could save you months in terms of trying to turn your weight around or transforming a relationship. It could be minutes, right? If you have the right strategy. But people don't use the strategy because the second S gets in the way, which is their story. The story, we all tell ourselves stories about things. Our narrative of our life controls our life more than anything else. And all the story is, is a set of beliefs. And beliefs are nothing but things we've told ourselves over and over again with so much certainty that now we believe them. Like, for example, for yourself, if I can ask, can you think of any belief you may have had 10, 15 years ago?

• 6:07Speaker 02

  That you'd been back then, you would have fought for that belief, but today you're almost embarrassed you had that belief? Yes. Right? Most people can't. So the fact that you believe in doesn't mean it's true, it just means you're certain. And so most people have certainty about what won't work. So let's take the example of fitness again. So why don't you ask that person who's 35 pounds overweight, how come you're overweight? Well, I've tried, well, will he say, I've tried? Everything. That's right, everything. And I look at him, I say, with all due respect. You haven't tried everything? Yes, I have. I've tried thousands of things. Okay, name them. And then they'll go, well, I've tried, you know, hundreds of things. Name them. Well, I've tried these two things that don't work over and over again is what it'll come down to. Right? And they call that everything. Right? So the story keeps them to do it. You're not in a relationship. You don't have a relation.

• 6:52Speaker 02

  You say you want one. Why aren't you in one? Well, the good ones are all taken. They're gone. Or they're gay and I'm not, or I'm gay and they're not. Right? It's not true. It's just not true. But the story controls what you're willing to do or not do. Cause it's a belief and beliefs control actions. Right? So even if you have the right strategy, if your story doesn't support it. Have you ever been with somebody and you were, let's say, um, trying to help them? And you've got lots of skill. And so you're showing, hey, here's what you can do to take on small businesses and build a real mini empire for yourself. Right? And you can do it with businesses people aren't competing you for, and you can earn great cash flow. And it's not sexy, but it's very successful. Let me show you how. And you could put all that in front of them and they're just like, no, they're, it's like, no, you know, I just, no, that's not gonna happen. It just won't work for me. Say, no, no, look, I can show you.

• 7:37Speaker 02

  I've done, no, no, it doesn't work for me. And the more you push on them, then they get more irritated. And the reason they're irritated is they wanna hang on to their story. Cause the deepest fear everybody has, everyone has, uh, kings have dealt with and queens, you know, Academy Award winners, Grammy winners, you know, winners of the NFL, greatest, the greatest players in history. Everybody has a fear at some point that they're not enough. Yeah. Not rich enough, not smart enough, not funny enough, not attractive enough, you know, not playful enough, not something enough. And the deeper fear we have is we're not enough, we won't be loved. And love is really, it's like the heartbeat of the soul. Right? It's the, it's the essence. It's the oxygen of your soul. So people come up with a story so they can explain, it's not that I'm not enough. It's just I have ADHD.

• 8:22Speaker 02

  Well, so did, you know, Sir Richard Branson. He's done quite well, right? You know, don't confuse me with the facts. So the story, no matter how good and clear the strategy, and you do a fantastic job. I want to say on the air, you know, I went through your book and I just thought you've made it so clear for people and I would be doing this myself if I wasn't already as advanced as I've done in terms of size of businesses. If I was looking to start, it's a great way to do it. And in fact, I remembered it now, when I was really like 18, I went to a guy's course called Bizarre Financing and it was all about how to build these small businesses, right? But I think you've done a more thorough job. But the point is, they're not going to do it if they don't have the right belief structure, right? So you have to divorce your limitations and marry the truth of your unlimited ability. Now, some people get a divorce and then they go visit their divorcee on a regular basis. It's not a good idea.

• 9:07Speaker 02

  You have to just cut it off and no longer go there. You have to tap into the truth. You know, as corny as it sounds, the truth will set you free. But for most people, they don't have someone to really do that to them. That's what I do. I create environments where that happens. But there is something before that. And that is the first S, the one you should start with, but most people rarely even get to, and that is your state. If you're going to have a breakthrough, it comes from your state. You can think of that as energy, vitality, strength, mental energy, mental fitness, right? All that really means is your mental emotional state affects the way you perceive everything in life. Have you ever been pissed off at somebody and then you suddenly can remember everything that they ever did that pissed you off?

• 9:46Codie Sanchez?

  Of course not, never.

• 9:47Speaker 02

  So, and when you're in love, what's wrong with life if you fall totally in love?

• 9:52Codie Sanchez?

  Not a damn thing.

• 9:53Speaker 02

  Nothing's wrong. It's we're broke, it doesn't matter we're in love, right? So your state controls your story. Your story and your state control whether you do anything. If no one showed you how to get the strategy, you'd figure out the strategy, you'd find the way, you'd make the way with the right state. So all the work I've done most of my life, I realized was, start with a state. Cause wherever else you're starting, you're paying, you know, you could teach them the best tools in the world, they won't follow through. If I start with a story, it's easy to shift their belief and then I can teach them the tools. But if you don't do it in that order, people get very, very frustrated. If you do it in that order, it becomes very, very easy. Like for example, think about this, somebody says to you, okay, I know. I gotta go on a diet. I gotta, I gotta exercise. I, um, I'm gonna do it. I'm really gonna do

• 10:38Speaker 02

  it. This is gonna happen.

• 10:40Codie Sanchez?

  No.

• 10:40Speaker 02

  It's not gonna happen a million years because the state they're in. Most people are trying to get themselves to do something. And what they don't understand is what you do is based on your state. And what do you think is harder, for example, dieting or fasting?

• 10:54Codie Sanchez?

  Dieting.

• 10:54Speaker 02

  Yes, very much so.

• 10:55Codie Sanchez?

  Absolutism. Cause fasting is absolute. You just don't do it. Dieting is like a rule by attrition.

• 11:01Speaker 02

  You know, have this. No, I'm having water. That's nothing, right?

• 11:04Codie Sanchez?

  Yeah.

• 11:05Speaker 02

  So if you get to that place, that mindset, which is total resolve, that's what it takes to fast. In a state of resolve, it's easy. When you're dieting, you're saying, well, could I do that? What if I do that? You're negotiating. Negotiation with yourself makes you weak. So the right state, you'll get the right behavior, you'll get the right story, and you'll find the right strategies. And so my focus is first there. And I still do all three, but that's where I go first.

• 11:30Codie Sanchez?

  That's so good. You know, it was funny because I was talking to some of our mutual friends. And one of them was like, you should ask him something that you need to change, like get a little vulnerable.

• 11:41Speaker 02

  Sure.

• 11:42Codie Sanchez?

  And I was like, God, he's seen all the things. You know, I remember watching I Am Not Your Guru back in the day. And you were just like, you know, a woman's life, you just, I don't know what sort of crazy Tony Robbins magic, but you just like magicked her. And, and I thought about it. I'm a pretty disciplined individual in a lot of ways. But for instance, like small things, uh, this time of year, like I will say, no, no, I'm definitely not having multiple glasses of red wine and that bread. And then I will do it. But in your mind, the formula, does it just go absolutes? So like, is my next step just, okay, Cody, no red wine ever, no bread, or I have to say it when I'm jumping on a trampoline, or I have to say it when I'm excited. Like, how do I

• 12:27Codie Sanchez?

  tactically?

• 12:28Speaker 02

  Well, you have to, you need stronger reasons, honey. You don't have strong enough reasons to fall through. So you have reasons in the moment. It's like decision making. Why are most people, suppose you make a decision and then they don't follow through? That used to fascinate me too. And what I began to realize is a couple of things. Number one, most people don't make a lot of decisions. So they have a kind of weak decision making muscles. I don't know if you've ever been around somebody at dinner at a restaurant and there's a person who's always the last one and they still can't decide and the waiter waitress is about to lose it and then they finally decide, right?

• 12:55Codie Sanchez?

  Yes, I never hire them. That's actually a great.

• 12:57Speaker 02

  Never hire them in a million years. However, the reason they're not making a decision is they want to make the right decision always. They want to do the right thing. But perfection doesn't exist. It's just not there. So if you look at decision making, I remember I met General Norman Schwarzkopf, who, you know, did the original Desert Storm Group. And I remember asking him, we were talking about leadership and what's the most important thing in leadership? And he said, decision making. And I said, well, how do you make tough decisions? He goes, that's what you're paid for. Any idiot can make the easy decision. What makes you a leader is big decisions.

• 13:28Codie Sanchez?

  Yeah.

• 13:28Speaker 02

  He said, but to get those big decisions done, you have to have strong enough reasons to follow through or it won't happen. He says, if you don't come up with the reasons, the decision doesn't last. And he told me a story I'll never forget. He said that he was a private working for a general. And the general was one of the most powerful, I think he was a four star general, a three star general at the Pentagon and very influential man, to say the least. And Pentagon had wrestled with a decision, a strategic decision for the Pentagon as a whole for almost 10 years. And they had people that argued on both sides pretty powerfully, so much so that no one could decide. And so they set a date where they're going to finally make a decision, no matter what in the government, and the general's going to make it. And so Schwarzkopf was the private and he had five other guys.

• 14:11Speaker 02

  Their job was to accumulate all this information from both sides, which he said literally filled almost half a room and try to bring that down to like six binders. The general could go through and really understand both sides of the issue. Well, as they're doing the correlation, trying to go through this, which we're completely behind, he said he was getting so scared. And then the generals called out with an emergency and he had to leave and didn't come back until literally the night before the decision making process. And so he has no preparatory materials. And he said, I didn't know what the hell to do. I gave the general stuff, but I knew he couldn't possibly do it. He couldn't resolve these. Should I cancel the meeting? He said, no, bring the meeting. They had the meeting. He said, okay, give me side number one. He said, you have 20 minutes.

• 14:55Speaker 02

  Give me side number two, you have twenty minutes. And when they're done, they stood up and he said, do that one. And they all went, this general, and they saluted enough the room. But the story's interesting part was Schwarzkopf, as a private, is thinking, he couldn't possibly know what was the right decision to make that decision. This is insane. And he was so stressed about it, he worked up all his courage, knocked on the general's door and said, permission to speak freely, sir. He goes at ease. He goes, General, I know you couldn't possibly review the materials. We couldn't even get you all the materials that are there. You just made a decision that determines the direction of the Pentagon. No one can make that decision for ten years. You just did it. He goes, that's right. Went, put in command, take charge.

• 15:39Speaker 02

  He said, make a decision. He goes, but General, you didn't have enough information. He goes, there was too much information. He said, both sides have been arguing for ten years. Here's what I know. Whatever decision I made, it'll be right, it'll be wrong. If it's wrong, we'll find out quicker. It won't take us ten years and we can change our approach. If it's right, we'll be on the right track and we'll move forward immediately. Decisions need to be made. And I thought, what a great approach, right? So later I started studying it. I was like, I think decisions have three parts. So when you go to yours, you decide not to drink, or decide to drink only so many of these elements of drinks, right? A decision can feel a little bit like a war. I'm gonna do this, I get myself to do this, you know, all right, I'm gonna do it, right? But it's a three-part process and that's what people don't understand.

• 16:24Speaker 02

  If you decide that's all you do, you're making a decision in the moment. You meant it when you made that decision to yourself, wouldn't you say? Sure. So what happened? Later on, you're in a different environment, right? You've not taken the moment and pushed it into the future. What takes that moment, pushes it in the computer is if while you're in that moment, you did something that commits you to follow through. Were there consequences if you didn't? Significant consequences, right? And that's what the general does, right? So you look at this and go, okay, I say I'm gonna do this, but is this, do I got enough reasons? Is this really that important to me? Because if it's not, I want to bullshit myself. I'm not here to lie to myself. If I'm really gonna do it, then here's my absolute commitment for the next thirty days. And this is what it costs me if it doesn't, right? And this is what I get, this is why I want to do it.

• 17:08Speaker 02

  So it's not just a moving away from approach. But I always tell people, never leave the site of making a decision without doing something that commits you to follow through later on, because you're going to be in a different state, state again, right? And you're going to make a different decision in that different state of that party that's there. But there's a third step that most people never get to, it's resolve. So think about, what does it mean to you to decide? Tell me what it means to you to decide. What's that feeling when you decide?

• 17:33Codie Sanchez?

  It's forward momentum.

• 17:34Speaker 02

  Okay.

• 17:35Codie Sanchez?

  It's a choice on path.

• 17:36Speaker 02

  Commit.

• 17:37Codie Sanchez?

  To not go back. And, you know, there's an anti instead of a pro.

• 17:42Speaker 02

  Now you put a line in the sand that's beyond just this moment. And you've taken what's in the moment, taken it forward. What does it mean to you to resolve?

• 17:50Codie Sanchez?

  Like, no matter what we're gonna do, we're gonna execute on this.

• 17:53Speaker 02

  That's right. Resolve means it's already done. You say something is resolved, it's already in, it's done in you, so it's gonna be done in the world. And what resolve brings an interesting emotion. Decision making can be a little battle. Commitment can feel like having to use some force, but resolve brings peace. And then it's like, even if things don't go the way I want, even if it changes, you're there, I've resolved, this is how it is. So I want you to think of a decision you've made that you did keep your word on, that was a difficult decision. Because the alcohol one's not that difficult, right? I bet you've had some much more difficult decisions you've kept.

• 18:26Codie Sanchez?

  Definitely.

• 18:27Speaker 02

  Can you tell me what?

• 18:28Codie Sanchez?

  Yeah, I mean, I'm divorced and remarried. So I remember when I was going through my divorce, or when I was going through my not so happy marriage, the first time, I couldn't make a decision on doing it. And so I said, I'm gonna put a date on a calendar, and by that date, I will have done the actions I think will, you know, go to therapy, have lots of conversations, attempt to resolve it. But if I can't, that will be my date. And by then, I will tell him, and we will commit.

• 18:53Speaker 02

  So listen to what your language is. You decided, and in that day, you decided you also committed. You committed to what had happened in the future by a certain date, by a certain time, or was going to occur.

• 19:03Codie Sanchez?

  Yeah.

• 19:03Speaker 02

  Did you get to resolve?

• 19:05Codie Sanchez?

  I did.

• 19:05Speaker 02

  When did resolve happen? It happened that day or later?

• 19:08Codie Sanchez?

  No, it happened that day.

• 19:10Speaker 02

  So did you feel, what did you feel inside when you resolved it?

• 19:14Codie Sanchez?

  Peace.

• 19:15Speaker 02

  Peace.

• 19:15Codie Sanchez?

  Sadness, but peace.

• 19:16Speaker 02

  I understand, ending something is always sad, but

• 19:19Codie Sanchez?

  Yeah.

• 19:19Speaker 02

  One of the rules of life that most people are upset about that they don't take, it's a given in life is everything ends, right? Everything changes, but my view is and something new begins.

• 19:30Codie Sanchez?

  Yeah.

• 19:31Speaker 02

  Right? It's like the call, it's the call of adventure when you know, the hero's journey is there. So I think you either have to decide and commit, ideally resolve, or not kid yourself about it because it may not be that important to you.

• 19:42Codie Sanchez?

  That's a great point.

• 19:43Speaker 02

  It's like you might be doing, you know, virtue signaling to yourself. Didn't sound like you told anybody else, but that's what people do that too. They don't just virtue signal stupidly on social media, they do it to themselves.

• 19:52Codie Sanchez?

  Yeah, you know, it's fascinating you say that. My husband is a former Navy SEAL and so he is so committed to his work.

• 19:58Speaker 02

  Resolve.

• 19:58Codie Sanchez?

  He does. And one thing that he's taught me lately that has helped the last couple of years is if we, if we make a decision and we are committed to it, he does a thing that now I have a word for it, I guess, which is this idea of commitment and resolve. He'll say like, for instance, we had something we wanted to do. And he was like, okay, well, what are you going to do if you don't hit that goal?

• 20:17Speaker 02

  That's it.

• 20:17Codie Sanchez?

  And I said, I don't know, what do you want me to do? What, what's on the table? We putting cash and put it, and he was like, that's not big enough. And he's like, it not only has to be cash, which would bother you, but something that would bother you so much that you're not going to execute.

• 20:27Speaker 02

  That's right.

• 20:27Codie Sanchez?

  And so he's like, so if you don't execute on this, I'm going to, we're going to write a check. And on the check, you're going to put $10,000 and you're going to say Democratic Socialist Party of America. And if, if you don't do this, I'm sending the check with your name on it and you're going to be on the donor list. And I was like, oh no, now I'm really in it and I have to commit to this. And so now I have a framework, but it's, you know, what's fascinating about you is these little small things in life aren't so small. They accumulate to everything in life. It's this compounding effect.

• 20:58Speaker 02

  Decision making, I think is one of the top five skills in life.

• 21:01Codie Sanchez?

  What are the other four?

• 21:02Speaker 02

  I wouldn't lock them in. I'd say managing your state is one of the most important. I think how to build relationship is certainly one of the most important. Your capacity to create a vision for your life is extremely important. Moving from being a manager to a creator is extremely important. Most people are managing their lives, they're, they're. Making a living, they're designing their life. Or, you know, even in business, part of what helps you grow in business is when you stop becoming a manager. Managers always want to know techniques. And by the way, I have plenty of techniques I've learned over the years, but I'm much more interested at this stage in my life than what is behind the technique that makes somebody follow through. Right? Techniques are cute and they might work, but then eventually the technique becomes your new toy that will become your new limitation, right?

• 21:44Speaker 02

  So I think it's important to look for what's behind it all. If you shift what's behind all, you shift everything, right? That's my focus.

• 21:52Codie Sanchez?

  Do you ever not keep promises to yourself now?

• 21:56Speaker 02

  It's a great question. Yes, there's one that I've not kept to myself.

• 22:01Speaker 02

  To be honest, it's the only one I can think of. I don't know that I promised myself, honestly, that's the truth. And that is, you know, I'd slow my schedule down.

• 22:09Codie Sanchez?

  You're not keeping that. I know that for a fact.

• 22:11Speaker 02

  No, you can tell by my voice. No, I've not kept that promise. But honestly, it's like, you know, I get a phone call last night from a dear friend of mine and he's got a friend that's suicidal in the middle of the night. And it's like, you know, I get these calls every day. Somebody's got, you know, cancer, somebody's got whatever. And I have such a database of businesses and relationships, you know, in the health area and the relationship area, the business area, the finance area, and the emotional well-being area, that I find myself called. And so then I end up being up for two and a half hours to help this stranger not do those things. And so, but what my wife and I are gonna have a meeting this next week. And I'm gonna have to take it from decide to commit to resolve, because I think I decided, but I didn't really commit and resolve. Because I'm so called.

• 22:53Codie Sanchez?

  Yeah.

• 22:54Speaker 02

  That's the thing too. It's like people have different ways of motivating themselves. I've never been a motivator. I don't even like the term. Motivation's a good thing. It's like a warm bath or shower. You should probably have one every day. But it's not enough, right? You need strategy. You need follow through. But what I'm really interested in is like, what's deeper than that? What's the inner drive in that? And when I look around at what's happening in people's lives, I say, what? You can think of it as this way. You can think of there's like, let's say, pull motivation and push motivation. Push is what most people use. I'm gonna push myself through and I'm gonna make this happen. Well, that takes enormous, you know, I would say, you know, inner strength and you clearly have that. I clearly have that. Inner drive, but. Everybody's only got so much of that, right?

• 23:37Speaker 02

  What's unlimited is pull motivation, pull drive. That's something that is something you care about more than yourself, so much more than yourself, that it's not effortful. It gives you an energy that's also almost feels superhuman to other people. And it's because you're, you know, this is what you're made for. And when you find that, you know, it's been said before, you know, the two most important days of your life, the day that you're born and the day you discover what you're born for, right? I know what I'm born for. And so changing that in my life and saying, I'm not going to do that. I have to find somewhere in between the two. I have to find what I am willing to commit to in that process. So that's interesting. My first response on my head was, no, of course I keep my word to myself for everything. And the probably still is true because my word to myself is I will always show up when it matters most for people.

• 24:20Codie Sanchez?

  Yeah, you almost have like a higher priority than you've even realized above the sub priority. Well, it's, you know, it's so timely because you're having an event in January and I really wanted to go to, I was going to go to your last event and we're in the mixture of mix of all this fertility stuff. And so it's, it's one of the first times where I haven't been able to keep my word as often as I'm used to, to other people, and it's out of my control for the first time.

• 24:43Speaker 02

  I understand.

• 24:44Codie Sanchez?

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• 25:20Codie Sanchez?

  I love the idea of this event because, you know, new year, new you. There are all these things around this time of year. But we don't actually keep our promises to ourselves for the most part. And One of the ways that I, in the beginning, maybe thought of you was like, oh, it's positive thinking. We have to positive think. And that is actually the opposite.

• 25:41Speaker 02

  No, I don't even believe in my, I believe, I don't believe in negative thinking. It doesn't help you. I believe you need to find what's true. I don't believe you should go to your garden and there's weeds there. So you chant, there's no weeds, there's no weeds, there's no weeds. It's like, no, reach down and grab the weeds, right? You gotta see what's real. You gotta see this is, but also not see it worse than it is. Most people see it worse than it is because they're afraid of failing. So then they don't try, right? And then you gotta see it better than it is because without a vision, people perish, right? You have to have a vision and then you gotta make it that way. And that's where the strategy comes in, right? So that's how I look at it. But no, I'm not, I've never been into positive thinking per se. When they did the secret, they came to me to be part of secret, I said, I will not participate in a million years. This is bullshit. And so you're saying the law of attraction is bullshit. I said, no, law of attraction is real. It's one of dozens,

• 26:27Speaker 02

  dozens of laws. And you're saying that's the whole game? And I remember this guy was saying, yeah, but I was coming here to talk with you about this. And he said, and I was running late and I thought green, green, green. And I got all green lights. And so what's gonna happen when you're coming to see me and you get all red lights? So you're gonna say you're thinking bad? Are you telling me some person who was in Alcatraz was there, or not Alcatraz, but in, in Germany, you know, in a concentration camp, that they were just a negative thinker? Sometimes not getting what you want is what the universe or God wants for you. So you develop lessened skills, muscles, strengths, caring that you wouldn't have had without it. So it's not just that. There's other things like capabilities. There's like skill sets. There's, you can't do that. So I know, I was revolted against

• 27:10Speaker 02

  that. And I watched it go like this, and of course crash, because everybody wants the oversimplistic view of life. But it won't get you results. Just thinking positive is not gonna do it. Thinking negative will certainly hurt your life. But that's not the full, full gig.

• 27:23Codie Sanchez?

  No, no matter how bad I want it, if I go try to one on one you on that basketball court, I don't think I win it. You got like just a tiny few inches more than I do. But it's important because these days, I live in Austin, Texas, and there is so much, you know, if you think it, you will get it. And if you rub this crystal, I brought a crystal, I like a crystal. But I still don't think it's gonna fix everything for me.

• 27:43Speaker 02

  No, no, I mean, listen, I think all the, I think thoughts are real. And whatever you think about consistently, it tend to manifest in your life. But there are other things beyond just that one force of what you want. And to think otherwise is think you're the center of the universe, which is absurd to me. Right? If that was true, why wouldn't we just get whatever we want immediately? Well, because you'd be spoiled rotten. You wouldn't care about anything or anyone. I mean, think about it. When you were born, what'd you have to do to be loved?

• 28:07Codie Sanchez?

  Nothing.

• 28:08Speaker 02

  Nothing. Scream, yell, go to the bathroom in your pants, throw up all over your mom or your dad. You're still loved, right? But there was a day when that stopped. And that's the day that fear entered your body. That's the day you try to figure out what to do. So you would, because you know to survive, you need love. Love is where someone puts their needs aside for yours. Right? Then as humans, we're like different than other animals. Some animals, there's egg, you crack them, you never see your mother and father. But you have some competitive advantage. You have horns, you have teeth, you have camouflage, right? Our competitive advantage is love. And so our capacity to feel that caring allows us to connect, allows us to work with each other, allows us to expand beyond what other people can possibly do. And so I look at it and say, okay, if this is our capacity,

• 28:52Speaker 02

  why is it that we have this unconditional love in the beginning? And then everybody pursues it for the rest of their life and rarely feels it. Because if you're unconditional love forever, you'd never grow. You'd never bring anything to the world. It would all be about me, me, me. Just like ridiculous. So you have to grow up and realize life's not about you, it's about we. And that the more you contribute, the better. Business is a spiritual game, just perfect example. Every religion on earth has some version of love thy neighbor like thyself. Different versions of it, but a version of that principle within it, right? Karma, whatever you want to call it. When you fall in love with your client, not just fall in love with your customer, or your, I should say, your product or service, that's going to change. Fall in love with your client and you're trying to do everything in hand to meet their needs. You turn them into a raving fan and you love on them.

• 29:37Speaker 02

  And you think constantly about meeting their needs, like a mom does their kid, or like a best friend does for somebody they really care about. You're going to grow in business. You're going to grow anything that you do. But we're not meant to just have unconditional love because then we wouldn't grow. Right? We need to grow. We need to expand. And so otherwise, all these stupid thoughts like, oh, I'm just going to think it's going to happen to be there. Plus, if you went to Vegas. What's the worst thing to happen if you go to Vegas?

• 30:01Codie Sanchez?

  Well, this kid maybe lose all your money?

• 30:03Speaker 02

  No, the worst thing that happened is win.

• 30:05Codie Sanchez?

  Interesting, of course.

• 30:07Speaker 02

  Yes. Steve was a good friend of mine. He built most of Las Vegas.

• 30:10Codie Sanchez?

  So he disagrees.

• 30:11Speaker 02

  I was with him one day and this guy won a $10 million jackpot. And Steve is a very tight guy on finance, right? Very tight guy like he knows what every, you know, one of his retailers is doing and he wants the maximum dollar for each one. And movie town wasn't paying him enough. He'd get very upset. I'm like, you're doing quite fine, right? He says, no, I want to. But when a person won, I saw none of that. So I finally said, Steve, usually you're pretty uptight about something like this. No, Tony, don't you know? Did you see all the people around him? See all the pictures? That guy will come back for the rest of his life. But so all these other people, he goes, the odds are my odds. He goes, that makes me money. I'm in it for the long game. That's how it works here. But if you went to Vegas and let's say you pulled one of those Warren Bandits and you get the jackpot, what was your response going to be?

• 30:54Codie Sanchez?

  Sweet.

• 30:55Speaker 02

  Awesome. Yeah. Second time.

• 30:57Codie Sanchez?

  Probably less excited, but still excited.

• 30:59Speaker 02

  A hundred times every time you get the same victory, now it's called a job.

• 31:03Codie Sanchez?

  That's fascinating.

• 31:04Speaker 02

  So we need jackpots in our life to make us feel alive. If you got everything you wanted every moment, you'd be bored out of your mind.

• 31:11Codie Sanchez?

  It's such a good point. What's interesting about you is, you know, I think a lot of people struggle with people pleasing, right? And, you know, maybe they try to do things that other people think will make them likable. You seem to do the opposite. Like you are so comfortable pushing buttons, saying hard truths. And at least what I've seen publicly, kind of pushing people out of their comfort zone.

• 31:37Speaker 02

  And I don't do that till they first know how much I care. I earned that right. And they see that. I don't just come in like a jerk and go this, this, this. Cause I really do.

• 31:45Codie Sanchez?

  That way. But, but I think that's scary for people, even though I do believe a lot of times that's what we need. We need like a Chris, my husband calls a benevolent bully, you know, somebody to push you like you need it.

• 31:57Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 31:58Codie Sanchez?

  Have you always been like that? Or how did you learn to push people the way they needed to?

• 32:02Speaker 02

  No, I was, I was more of a pleaser, uh, growing up. Um, you know, everyone has a dominant force in their life. My mom was the dominant force and she was, uh, and I had four different fathers, so she was the dominant force. As you might guess, she was quite a force of nature, got rid of them one after another. And, um, and I learned to please her or I was, you know, I was quite physical with her. And I was five one in high school and then even when I grooved 10 inches in a year, I learned to bend my hair down. She grabbed my hair and smacked me against the wall. She was a beautiful woman. I don't want to give you the wrong impression. She was as loving as you could be, but she abused, you know, alcohol and prescription drugs. And when you put those two together, you become a different personality. So I had to work out in my head, how do you deal with someone who, who's love you crave the most? Who's trying to harm you, but you know, loves you, you know?

• 32:47Speaker 02

  And so rather than go through the whole victim bullshit, I just, there's not any part of me that's ever been a victim. It's like, okay, uh, she's wired with pain and I gotta figure out how to, basically I became a practical psychologist because of her. I had to figure out how to manage her states, her emotions. So I could protect my younger brothers, five years younger, the younger sister, seven years younger. And I got really good at it as they had to be. Um, but then also with women in my life and relationship in the beginning, it was all pleasing all the time. Which is the one I'm sure you know, it's probably why you married a Navy SEAL, having a pleaser doesn't please a woman. Men are confused by that. They're like, she wants me to please them. Yeah, she wants to be pleased, but she doesn't want you to be a pleaser. What the hell does that mean? Right? So I learned that lesson, but even during that time, when I stood up to serve someone, I'm there to serve someone.

• 33:29Speaker 02

  So if I will, at the end of an intervention, well, you saw, I'm not your guru. There was a moment there where I was working with a young woman who was part of this cult where they raped children and said it was for God. And, um, you know, she was in such a horrible place. And so I did this work and it's like, I feel like God comes through me in those moments. I'm not trying to be overly dramatic, but as you say, it looks like magic and it's different every time. And so afterwards, I, this group pushed on the wall, pushed on the door. And I was like, after those things are done, very often I can't show any emotion then. Cause I'm there with them. If I fully feel what they're feeling, I can't help them, but I am feeling it inside. I like put it in a box. And then I go to the back room there and then I just start bawling for this, what this woman has been through.

• 34:12Speaker 02

  Seeing that now would make me emotional thinking about it. And the guys that were doing the, the, the show said, no, we had to have direct access. And they opened the doors and you see me there crying. And, um, but it's because, you know, this is what I'm made for. It's like, I, I hate suffering. He'd see anyone suffering, so I am unbelievably committed to end suffering any way I can. But I also know my own suffering will not help that person of suffering. So I need a call to a higher part of them. And I can do it in multiple ways. I can do it with humor and do it with intensity and do it with fun. I can do it being weird, but I will find the way to get them there. And it's different every time. And that's my art. You know, that's where you can call it the universe. I call it God comes through you because you're trying to serve something more than yourself. You get different insights.

• 34:58Speaker 02

  If you're just trying to serve yourself, you have a certain level of insight. If you've got a family you care about, you're trying to serve your family, you get a different level of insight. You know, trying to serve, you know, a community, you know, the world. I don't mean virtue signaling bullshit. I mean, like you know, it's in your heart. The level of insights that are given to me that I can't possibly know about a person while they're standing there. Like people think there's, there's a script backstage or someone, people come up, even the guys who are filming, they went, do you have like an earpiece or something? I was like, what are you talking about? They came and literally checked, see if I had earpiece. I was like, how could you know that about her? And I was like, I just knew, you know, I just knew immediately. So, um, the emotion I go through is enormous. It's not like I'm just cold and this is how it is. And usually by the end of it, the person feels very loved and very taken care of.

• 35:43Speaker 02

  They have the breakthrough that they're looking for. But, you know, I had this conversation with Oprah one day. Women are so abused by our society. When I say abused, I don't want to be, just be derogatory, but you know, women are put in this image of who they're supposed to look like, be like, act like. And women to me are unbelievable. You're, you're about to be a mom. There's another part of you that'll come alive when you're a mom. It's, it's unbelievable what women do. How their kids don't know it and don't understand it is mind boggling to me. But to be a mom and a business person and to be a lover and to be a husband or wife and all those things at one time. It takes just unbelievable energy, strength and so forth. And when I see what happens with women generalizing about themselves. Like I'm just a homemaker or something makes me crazy.

• 36:27Speaker 02

  But the one thing women have, if a woman isn't super attractive is they have support. Men don't have that. Men don't go share their feelings. We don't go talk about our relationships. Right? I remember we were having a program in Mexico and this woman was saying, you were with your friend and you know, you know, he got divorced and you don't know if he's dating. You know, he says, we played golf and she goes, and it didn't come up? He goes, how would it come up? You know, and she was just like stunned because she thinks how a woman would think versus how a man's brain would think. Right? And so I say this because I was telling Oprah, I said, one of the beautiful things about the sisterhood, if a woman's really attractive, sometimes there's backbiting and there's the opposite.

• 37:11Speaker 02

  There's not the support. There's just tremendous support. Women share their problems. Men don't share their problems. Men's job is solve a problem. And then you get with a woman in your life and you want to solve it for them. In a man's world, the more you solve problems, the more you move up the hierarchy of being a man. In a woman's world, no, you share your problems so you can connect and feel for the person. Right? And you want to stay with it and so forth. So what happens with that is it's actually good for a feeling of support, but it does not create breakthroughs because women will support their women in terrible, terrible beliefs, terrible states, terrible, they have a terrible relationship and they talk to two other women who have a terrible relationship about how, what they should do to the relationship. And no, it's all him. It's, no, no, it's no matter how thin you slice it, there's two sides. There's him and there's you. Right?

• 37:56Speaker 02

  And so I was doing an event one time for 5,000 women in a radio music, music hall for Oprah. It was all women. I never heard that, that high a pitch of sounds in my entire life in one room. And, um, and she said, okay, why don't you do an intervention like this? I said, well, Oprah, interventions can take 15 minutes. They can take an hour. I go and tell it could take two hours. She goes, well, we don't have that. I said, I know, and you're doing this program live. She goes, I think you could do it in the timeline. And I said, Okay, but I also have to be willing to do whatever it takes. Because of course, of course, you know, and I already had this conversation with her about you can't support women just in their limitations. If you really care about them, you gotta call, call truth with them. You can still be supportive.

• 38:37Speaker 02

  And so this woman stands up and she talks about how she's uh, lost her business because of nine eleven. And she's not been able to build it because of her husband and her kids. And she's a hundred and ten pounds overweight. It's because they all demand something from her every moment. Now, I'm a lover of women, like I think women are, no man on this planet got here without a woman. I mean, through women who risked their life for you to be here. That's my core belief about women. I hold women like this, but this is bullshit, right? I got plenty of friends that had in the building nine eleven, their business didn't go under. So it's not nine eleven that did it, right? And your husband didn't make you a hundred and ten pounds overweight, nor did your children. And, and so everything she's saying is a lie. And the women around her are like, oh, oh, I'm surrounded by five thousand women.

• 39:20Speaker 02

  I go, F it, I, I can't do this, I can't not do this. I said, now, what you just told me is total absolute bullshit. And the whole room went, it was like shock. And then there's sounds and I'm like, I'm not being mean. But if you want transformation, if you want to change, change your life, you cannot do it by blaming everybody else for what you've done. Nine eleven is a horrific thing. I'm sure massively interrupted your business. But she, she wasn't even in the building. She wasn't even close to the building. I said, this is not why your business went under. You're making excuses. And I'm saying this because I care. Excuses will only hurt you. And right now, you don't have a relationship with your husband, clearly, by the way you're talking about. You don't even have a relationship with your kids. And that's another reason why you're probably a hundred and ten pounds overweight.

• 40:03Speaker 02

  You're bearing your emotion with food, right? And then all of a sudden, there started to be some sounds and then, and then Oprah says, and she's behind me about, you know, like fifty yards. It's a giant building, right? She goes, but Tony, but Tony, but to be fair. And I snapped back and I looked at her like this. I'll never forget, because I was in state. When I'm in state, you know, you don't break my state, right? And she goes, oh, I'm doing that thing, aren't I? And I said, yes, you're doing that thing, right? So I had it go to a break and I just kept working with her. My time was done, I brought her back and got in a great place. And a year later, she was on Dr. Oz, she lost 115 pounds, she had a relationship back, she'd restarted a new business, right? So sometimes you gotta do what's uncomfortable. And so, yes, I'm willing to do that to have someone's life changed, because otherwise,

• 40:47Speaker 02

  you're just, you're just making yourself feel good. I can make myself feel good and her feel good and go, gosh, that's so horrible, I understand and all those things, but F that. If you stood up, my belief is if you stand up in my room, something's caused you to stand up, some part of you wants transformation, or you wouldn't be in my presence. And it's gonna happen.

• 41:05Codie Sanchez?

  God, so true. I think that's one of the saddest things about what happened with sort of the PC-ness of society today, is that so many people feel like they can't say the thing that might actually help, because it might hurt somebody's feelings.

• 41:18Speaker 02

  Where did we get up this thing that you're not supposed to offend anybody? Here's a question for you. Can people be offended by anything if they want to be?

• 41:25Codie Sanchez?

  Yes, but I don't think that should change what I do because of it.

• 41:27Speaker 02

  No, but I'm just saying, but so anyone you can, who said, where did we come up with this new magical rule, you're not supposed to offend anybody? If you're not gonna offend anybody, you're not gonna have any impact. You know, I think it was Emerson who said, you know, be nothing, do nothing, say nothing, and create nothing. That's how you can be sure you're never attacked, right? You know, I'm not willing to do that. I'm here on, I've got a purpose. And of course, some people are not gonna understand it, but people in my seminars do. That's why they're still there 12 hours later, you know, when they wouldn't sit for a three hour movie. They're, they won't get up to go to the bathroom because they're watching real life as it's happening. It's more dramatic than anything you could write in a script, because it's real. Because like even today, reality television is bullshit, it's made up, right? People know it's fake. You feel when something's real, and when something's real, you can relate to it.

• 42:11Speaker 02

  And it calls to some part of you to be more real. And when we're vulnerable and we're real, we can change anything. But we try to soften it, you know, like. Use all the language, yeah, pretty good, it's okay, all that kind of stuff. Those softeners keep you from getting to the place where you could actually have a transformation.

• 42:26Codie Sanchez?

  It's so true. Yeah, I got in trouble on the internet a few weeks ago because I said, I don't think you should cry in business meetings just because you can't express yourself fully. Like, I, I, I think if you need to self-regulate, like you could step out, whatever. But I don't think that you should have a belief that it will help you and it is totally fine if you cry in business meetings. That is just not our society.

• 42:46Speaker 02

  There's no crying in baseball.

• 42:47Codie Sanchez?

  Yeah, there's just not. And it's happened to me a few times and whatever. If you cry, I'm not gonna do you. I don't think it's gonna help your career, but.

• 42:55Speaker 02

  You didn't tell them they couldn't cry, right? You just said that I don't think it'll help you.

• 42:57Codie Sanchez?

  Exactly. Yeah.

• 42:59Speaker 02

  And so you had a tag for that, of course?

• 43:00Codie Sanchez?

  Of course. Okay, I want to play like a couple little games. One is, I hear that you like this pattern interrupt exercise. And this gives me anxiety even ask you these questions, but like, the idea is we give you a series of negative patterns. And then you say how you would break free from them. And what I find fascinating about you is like, you kind of just in the moment, already know the thing to say.

• 43:28Speaker 02

  To the person, right? You know, it has to be like, I need to know what's going on, but I'll give you some general things if you want.

• 43:33Codie Sanchez?

  Okay, well, let me give you some examples.

• 43:35Speaker 02

  It does, what would be a pattern up for you versus me versus another person's different based on your model of the world, right?

• 43:41Codie Sanchez?

  Interesting.

• 43:41Speaker 02

  So it's like, you know, what, based on what you believe, and I figured that out very quickly when I'm doing an intervention with someone. And so I'll figure out what it is. If I know, for example, you value significance the most, then I might show you how by doing whatever, it's costing you the significance and I'll have leverage there. If you're driven by love, then I will use love as the metaphor. If you're driven by certainty, then I'll show you how it'll take away your certainty if you keep doing this, right? So I'm looking for leverage. It's not just breaking a pattern. That's like a stupid technique, you know, that won't last. It has to be tied to something. There's an inner drive about. So we all have six needs, human needs, certainty. Everybody has it. It's a survival need because certainty can be comfortable, because if you're not comfortable, if you're in pain regularly,

• 44:25Speaker 02

  regular pain means damage, regular damage equals death. So it's the base need for human beings. But if you're certain all the time, you're bored silly, so you need uncertainty. Right? You need variety. You need surprise. We need significance. Our culture way over values significance today because of social media.

• 44:40Codie Sanchez?

  That's fame.

• 44:41Speaker 02

  You know, put on filters and pretend they're different than they are. One of my buddies has his own gym. And he told me this the other day, I couldn't even believe it. He said, on a daily basis, daily basis, women and sometimes men come in who are, you know, influencers, because he's got a great gym. They lay out all the equipment, they take all these pictures and they leave. They don't work out a single ounce. When you're twenty seven to thirty two, you have to be an idiot to not be fit, right? I mean, it's like decent genetics and you can be fit, right? So, but they're making money off of it. They don't do anything. It's just about looking good, right? And then using their looking good to try to make money. So, I mean, that's gonna wear off for them unfortunately at some stage in their life, right? So, it's like, significance is overvalued. The need for connection and love is the deepest need that people have.

• 45:25Speaker 02

  But most people want certain love. And so, they try to control the love and kills it. Or they want significant love, like it's gotta be the most significant thing. And then they get, they start to promote who they are more than they are because they think that's what's necessary and they're not truthful, right? And then we need to grow, we need to contribute. Those are the spiritual needs. If you don't grow, it doesn't, your relationship's not growing, if your business is not growing, it's dying. There's, there's, that's the law of life. Everything grows or dies. But also when you grow, then you have something to give. What makes people have a meaningful life is to feel like there's something beyond yourself. Because meeting your own basic needs, any idiot can do. You can lie to yourself and do that. You know, you can work just twelve hour days and do that. You can, there's a million ways you can meet those basic needs of certainty and uncertainty and significance and connection at least, not so much love.

• 46:11Speaker 02

  But I, when I look at people, I try to see what's driving them. And then I know better which pattern up will work. But go ahead and give me your list and I'll just give you some, some holistic responses.

• 46:19Codie Sanchez?

  Can you tell right away after meeting somebody what their one of the sixes?

• 46:26Speaker 02

  Six knees. I look to see one of their top two.

• 46:29Codie Sanchez?

  And what if you know nothing about them?

• 46:30Speaker 02

  I ask questions along the way.

• 46:32Codie Sanchez?

  You ask a lot of questions, all the time.

• 46:34Speaker 02

  One person counted one time. I had a woman was suicidal and a guy in the back who was a trainer was writing down. I asked one hundred and sixty seven questions before I made one statement.

• 46:42Speaker 00

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• 47:09Speaker 03

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• 47:34Codie Sanchez?

  Whoa, fascinating. So you ask questions to figure it out. What about, you have a lot of businesses now. And can you tell immediately if somebody is somebody you should partner with or not?

• 47:45Speaker 02

  No, I can't tell immediately. I can get seduced because people put on their best behavior. They're going on a date, right? So I look at it this way. If I'm going to evaluate somebody, I have three questions. Same as what you would have in your business or on a date. Can they do the job? If I'm interviewing them in one of my companies, by the time it gets to me, of course, they can do the job, or I wouldn't be interviewing them, right? Or if you were dating, can they do the job? If you've been dating them six months, yeah, they can do it. The more fun question is, can they do that job well, long-term? Right? Will they keep doing a great job? Because everyone does a great job in the beginning, right? And what determines that is, are their goals in alignment with the job? Right? So I used to, I remember years ago, we had a woman that worked for us for five years as our personal assistant. And we're traveling the world and we're pretty 24/7.

• 48:30Speaker 02

  And you become part of our family, right? And we love her and still do. She's still a close member of our families. But she fell in love with another of our employees and had a child, and so she needs to stay put. So we had to replace her. And so we went to the LA, because we're living in California at the time, Southern California, went to the LA Personal Assistance Association. We went through five hires in five months, and none of them were even close to good. And they all sounded so good to start with. And then one day I realized, no. We're fishing in the sewer. Who comes to LA to become a personal assistant? They don't come to become a personal assistant so they can help people, change the world, help a family. They come because I discovered they wanted my clientele. They want to talk to Quincy Jones in those days, or Anthony Hopkins, or Slice the Lone,

• 49:14Speaker 02

  or whoever it was that I was dealing with at the time. And they would treat them like gold and treat all my other clients and friends like they were dirt, right? Including my wife, so that I get rid of them. So I realized, you've got to decide, where are you going to find somebody who's more aligned with the job and their nature and their goals? Or I have a friend that I bumped into in Fiji one time. I have a resort in Fiji and my wife and I, we're flying commercial in those days still. And you go through immigration, there's about five lines. I said, why don't we go in this line here? It looks like it's faster. She goes, no, this line's faster. I said, look, this one's actually faster. She goes, I think this one's faster. I said, fine, you go in that line, I'll go in this line. And we play these silly games, we're going to race. So we're going back and forth, I'm ahead, then she's ahead, back and forth. We're being silly. And this man hears my voice, because I said that to my wife.

• 49:59Speaker 02

  And he goes, Tony. And I turn around and look, and it's this guy. I hadn't seen him in about nine years. Brilliant businessman. And I said, what are you doing here? He goes, what are you doing here? I said, well, I'm here with my wife. I have a resort here, I'm here to take a few weeks off. And he said, resort here? And I said, yeah. I said, where are you going? He told me, I said, oh, too bad, we're the number one resort. And he's been... I said, but what are you in for? He goes, I just got married. I said, again, it was his third marriage. She goes, yeah. And I said, well, where's your bride? She was standing next to Sage, and they were doing the same thing we were doing. So, you're in the line. And I said, so how long have you known her? I'm talking to you about seven, eight years? He goes, yeah, probably just a little bit. I've lost time, I saw her probably seven years. So you know her seven years, you're just now getting married. I said, how come? He goes, she wore me down.

• 50:42Speaker 02

  And I thought, oof, oof, oof. So then quickly, I'm trying to change the conversation in my head. I'm like, well, are you going to have kids? He goes, Tony, you know, I've had two families for this. I went through all of that. I lost all my money twice. We are not... I said, well, I looked across and this woman's like 29 years old, and he's 48. I said, have you had a discussion about this? He goes, yes, that was my deal. If we get married, no kids.

• 51:07Speaker 02

  I'm thinking, oh, my God, he's in for a rough ride. So we get to the front, we introduce each other's spouses and they go off and I look at my wife and she looks at me and I go, they're in trouble. She goes, oh, you have no idea. I said, I think I do. What'd you learn? What'd you learn? She told him, yeah, he thinks we're not gonna have a kids, but we'll have within two years. And they did. And he got divorced for a third time. Problem is, they didn't have their goals aligned. You don't have to have all your goals aligned, but a major issue is like a child or not, it's gotta be aligned, or you're not gonna sustain that relationship. So whether it's a business, or whether I use business because it's easier to modulate in your head, right? Or a relationship, it's the critical element there. And then the last part is, is the right team fit. In a business, you can relate to this, I'm

• 51:50Speaker 02

  sure, because of all those businesses you run, you know, you got somebody's a superstar, but the wrong team fit. They rub against everybody else, they piss everybody else off. And maybe they're like your top salesperson, or your top marketing person, your top whatever. And you don't want to get rid of them because, man, they bring in a lot of revenue. But unless you do, they'll destroy your business. They've always said, you know, it's not the person you fail to hire, it's the person you fail to fire that destroys your business. And so I'm a big believer in testing. Now, one of the things I do with partnerships today, just as a little clue, I showed this Patrick, David the other day, and I didn't realize how important he thought it was. And I was like, I guess it really is. He said, because I've been through so many rough ones, I said, I was too. But what I do is a full background check on everyone now. And it saves me enormous amount. And I tell them upfront, listen,

• 52:35Speaker 02

  I'm, I'm open book, please do a full background check, everything on me that you want to check. But I don't go into any partnerships without a full background check. It's not out of disrespect, it's out of respect, so that we know. And if there's anything that you want to share with us, or anything comes up that you think is inappropriate, you can share it with me, I'll give you the report and so forth. Well, the panic you see in some people's eyes, then the tightening in some people, and then the people like, no, it's totally fine. And then you get the report, and then they never call you back. I mean, I have saved myself so much money, time, and energy by having that one investment in a long-term relationship upfront.

• 53:08Codie Sanchez?

  I wish I would have done that earlier on, although I think some of the biggest partnership mistakes I made were cheap in retrospect, like they were painful, but you're like, I needed to lose that money. I needed to lose that relationship or I would have kept having the same pattern.

• 53:21Speaker 02

  Yeah, there's always a benefit, but as years go by, you'll probably be less tolerant of having those things happen.

• 53:26Codie Sanchez?

  True. Well, it's heartbreaking, I think, because the partnerships, you know, I remember one in particular, I thought we were buddies, you know, I was like,

• 53:32Speaker 02

  I've been there.

• 53:32Codie Sanchez?

  Yeah, I'm like, I met your baby. I thought we were best buds. And, you know, there was one instance where they kind of targeted me. I was on the internet and I didn't realize there's this type of human that, you know, I guess there are predators everywhere. And so then I had to realize where am I short in my analysis of people?

• 53:50Speaker 02

  Yes.

• 53:51Codie Sanchez?

  And how did I sell myself on what I wanted instead of what was in front of me?

• 53:53Speaker 02

  Most of my most important skills came from some early mistakes with people, one of which I had two partners and I brought them on board and made a deal with them that was ridiculously good for them. But it was based still on some results and they absolutely stole seven hundred fifty eight thousand dollars, two hundred fifty of the seven hundred fifty eight thousand dollars, put me in debt seven fifty eight thousand, my company was doing a million. So not billions, a million, right? So it was like all the money I knew and I'd been on the road 225 days and everybody told me I have to go bankrupt. And I wanted to kill this guy. He fled to Mexico and I realized, well, I'm chasing him in Mexico, my business is going to go under. So I went to Fiji and I was like, I was so angry at him, but I said, no, who I'm most angry with is me. Cause how did I not see this, right?

• 54:37Speaker 02

  I don't care how good he presented. Was it about human behavior? I don't fully understand. And I was second day in Fiji in this sweaty little hut and, and I went to sleep with that thought, just burning thought. I woke up the next morning and I wrote literally for six straight hours in filled up three journals, all these distinctions I made. I created my day with destiny program because I did it to me. That's my favorite program. It's the only seminar I've been through because I did it for me, changed everything, rewired me so that. You know, sometimes you have values that pull you apart. You know, like you want to please everybody and you want to be as successful as you can. You want to be totally honest. You want everybody totally happy, right? And I learned how to align my values so that I was pulled instead of having to push or being pulled in different directions.

• 55:21Speaker 02

  And it was the most first time in my life I felt calm. And everybody around me is like, you're so different. It was like a rewiring for myself. So I agree with you. Sometimes your biggest mistakes, if you learn from them, are the most important ones. But I don't want to make the same mistakes. And so I look for systems to help with that as well.

• 55:38Codie Sanchez?

  You have a program coming up in January. That's Time to Rise Summit. I've never been to this one before.

• 55:46Speaker 02

  Yes.

• 55:47Codie Sanchez?

  I want to hear about it. And I also want to hear about how you prepare for these shows that you do. Because I hear you obsessively prepare even to this day for the shows you put on. Is that true?

• 55:59Speaker 02

  That's true. I just, I believe in overloading my brain because I never know what's going to happen. Like, because I don't just do a rote talk. I, I, I, sometimes I'll prepare everything and then I go out into the audience and I feel different things. I see people, I see where they are and I have to adjust. Also, could you imagine this will be my, this is my, my 49th year I'm about to begin. So I would be bored out of my brain if I was just doing the exact same. Now, I know there's certain things that work and what to do. But I have to be able to adapt to feel alive and do art. And art is something that's different every time. It's not the same. And it's also a challenge to me. So I feed my brain everything I can. And then I trust when I step on the stage, well, it'll be necessary is there.

• 56:41Codie Sanchez?

  How do you feed it? Like, what does that look like?

• 56:44Speaker 02

  Well, for example, my Date with Destiny, I have people fill out about a 20-page interview report. There's 5,000 of them. And I read them for a week. Not everybody does it, by the way. You know, some people wait till the last minute, so I, you know, or don't turn it at all. It's only your destiny. Don't worry about it. But what it gives me is the patterns in the room. I may not remember every name, every story. But I remember what the patterns are. And then when somebody stands up, even if it wasn't that person. I know if I can work with this person and help them transform, I could be affecting 50 or 100 people simultaneously, right? That I consciously know about. That's how I load my brain. I also brainstorm out different examples or tools. I'm always coming up with something new in terms of insight or a strategy. And then, but the event you're talking about is a really unique event.

• 57:29Speaker 02

  I started it because of COVID. Because I was used to doing stadiums, right? And in 2020, the governor of California's team calls me up. I know him well, not a big fan. Newsom called you? Yeah, well, Newsom had his team call me and then he wrote me directly. He was upset about me telling the world that he canceled the event, which he did, right? Said, you're not making me look good, he said. You go, that's you. You're a nice man. I like you personally, but I don't agree with your policies, right? This is ridiculous. So we had an event there for 14,000 people. And two weeks before, he sends out the message to me from his team and says, you only put 100 people in a stadium, our new rules. I said, I said to his people, I said, this is absurd. You know, we can't put 100 people in a stadium.

• 58:13Speaker 02

  What are we gonna do with the other, you know, 13,000, you know, 900 people? And so I said, screw them. I'm gonna move this thing to Vegas. They'll never shut down Vegas, right? So two weeks before, we moved 14,000 people to Vegas and they shut down Vegas, right? So then I'm like, oh, my God, I mean, I need to help these people. The time they need us most is during this time because everybody's depressed and upset and not know what's gonna happen. So I said, okay, let's move it to Texas. Texas is its own country. I met the governor there. I don't know him personally really well, but I've met him. He says he's not gonna shut down. Seven days before they shut down Vegas, we rented a big church, 14,000 people. So then I was like, I'm just relentless. I'm like, okay. Well, they allow you to put 10 people in a movie theater.

• 58:57Speaker 02

  I said, okay, we'll do 1400 movie theaters, local for people that don't have to travel. We'll have big screens, we'll have big sound, at least, you know, 10 people interacting with each other. And they shut down the movie theaters. So I was like, okay, we're gonna build a studio. And my CFO was like, you're gonna build a studio? Like, we lost $100 million in six months because I didn't want to fire anybody. Because, you know, he kept saying we're 10 more days to stop the... The whatever the language was these those days. And I was like, so I said, we can't wait. So I bought a building because I couldn't build it fast enough. Fifty foot high ceilings, I built twenty two foot high LED screens, made them fifty feet around me.

• 59:36Speaker 02

  And got point six seven resolution, highest resolution in the world. I could see more in your face than I can even see now because you're this much bigger. Right. And then I called Eric Yan, the founder of Zoom and said, twelve hundred people is not going to work. I need twenty five thousand people. And he's a fan of mine, so he changed the tech so we could do it. And then I hired all these people. I all said, we can't do this in nine weeks. I said, well, then you're not working here. I just kept going through people. We literally the night before were putting it all together. And we got up, we did this event and we had people from all over the earth that participated. And I had a hundred and ninety three countries there. And we had over twenty five thousand people. Normally we have fifteen thousand, so it's even more people because they could do it from different places in the world they wanted to.

• 1:00:18Speaker 02

  So then I was like, okay, I want to, I want to reach everybody. Let's, let's do an event for free. Let's do one event for three days, not just an hour thing or two. Let's do like two and a half hours a day for three days. Enough to give people a real transformation. We'll do it right at the beginning of the year. It's kind of a comeback challenge. I called it back then. It's now called Time to Rise. And the comeback story is the best story of your life. You're down, everything's not working. That's what inspires people. This is the comeback time. And we put it together. We had a million people show up, million one. And now we've done it for seven straight years. I think this will be the last year I'll do it. I'm just, my schedule is so full. But I would do one last one and we're going to do it for three days and people from a hundred and ninety three countries attend every country in the world.

• 1:01:00Speaker 02

  And we go for, like I say, two and a half hours and we help you not just make a New Year's resolution, which nobody keeps. Right. Because they don't have a plan, they don't have a strategy or anything else. We help you create the breakthroughs that are necessary. And you become part of a really cool community because we have a Facebook community. And so in the middle of the night, I give people an assignment. And they make these videos and you see people transforming from all over the earth, every age group, every direction, every country, every language. So I love that aspect of it. And there's no charge for it. Literally, it's free. So if people go to time to rise summit, time to rise summit dot com, time to rise summit dot com. They can register for it and they can attend it. And you can think of it like going to a great two and a half hour movie, three days in a row. But instead of just being entertained. At the end of your life is really transformed.

• 1:01:43Speaker 02

  And then, you know, we've done so much for people, then some people decide they want to do other things with us, which is wonderful, but there's no requirement in any way, shape or form. And it's been my way to give back. It was desperately needed during COVID. And then we just, you know, kept the momentum for it for now.

• 1:01:56Codie Sanchez?

  Do I get claps at the event, the Tony Robbins claps? You do, don't you? Because it's my favorite part of the event. Well, I can't wait to come to this next one. I can't wait to see what this next evolution is for.

• 1:02:09Speaker 02

  You don't have to come to it. It's digital.

• 1:02:10Codie Sanchez?

  Come from my couch.

• 1:02:11Speaker 02

  Yeah, you can do it from your couch. You can do it from your office. And we start here at 10:00 in the morning. It's midnight in, what do you call it? Sydney, Australia, for example. And they go each day all the way through it as well. So three or four in the morning. So you'll be joined by people all over the earth and you have a cool community of people that all have something in common. They want more. They're not willing to settle.

• 1:02:30Codie Sanchez?

  Yeah.

• 1:02:31Speaker 02

  If you want more for your life, if you want, it's time to rise and take more out of your life, you don't want to have next year be the same as last year, then you need some tools, you need some inspiration, you need some community and you need some days where it's actually going to happen. Like you said, put it on the calendar and make it lock. So it's, it's coming up, uh, January 29th through the 31st, January 29th through 31st. And again, if they go to, um, time to rise summit.com, get you signed up and lock it in your calendar. And I encourage people, bring your family, bring your friends or your coworkers at the office and do it. It'll be an experience you won't forget.

• 1:03:08Speaker 04

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