Can You Make It This Long? | How Stoics Find Balance In Their Life

We’re supposed to put up with difficult people. We’re supposed to turn the other cheek. We’re supposed to find a way to smile through a tough situation. We’re supposed to be rational in a time of craziness and confusion. We’re supposed to be still despite the chaos. We’re supposed to be grateful for all that life gives us. Ok? But for how long? What about this exception or that one? Are we supposed to hold this stance forever? Even when it’s not working, even when no one else is doing it?---And in today's Daily Stoic video excerpt, Ryan shares the key strategies that the Stoics used to maintain balance in their lives.✉️ Sign up for the Daily Stoic email: https://dailystoic.com/dailyemail🏛 Check out the Daily Stoic Store for Stoic inspired products, signed books, and more.📱 Follow us: Instagram, Twitter, YouTube, TikTok, FacebookSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info. 📢 Share | ⚙️ Manage Subscription

Speaker names marked ? are inferred from speaking time and the show’s known hosts — they are not voice-verified.

• 0:02Ryan Holiday?

  Welcome to the Daily Stoic Podcast, where each day we read a passage of ancient wisdom designed to help you in your everyday life. On Tuesdays, we take a closer look at these Stoic ideas, how we can apply them in our actual lives. Thanks for listening, and I hope you enjoy.

• 0:29Ryan Holiday?

  Can you make it this long? We're supposed to put up with difficult people. We're supposed to turn the other cheek. We're supposed to find a way to smile through a tough situation. We're supposed to be rational in a time of craziness and confusion. We're supposed to be still despite the chaos. We're supposed to be grateful for all that life gives us. Okay, but for how long? What about this exception or that one? Are we supposed to hold this stance forever, even when it's not working, even when no one else is doing it? "Don't worry about how long you'll go on doing this." Marcus Aurelius wrote to himself and to all of us struggling with this seemingly impossible ideal, "A single afternoon would be enough," he said. "Don't think about sustaining forgiveness and presence and grace and kindness

• 1:14Ryan Holiday?

  and clarity and strength unbroken forever, because that isn't going to happen. The ideal is impossible. Perfection is unlikely, but certainly you are capable of it for an instant, for a moment, maybe for a couple of hours on a Tuesday. Focus on that. Try that. Build on that.

• 1:43Ryan Holiday?

  The key to the good life is balance. This is a critical Stoic virtue, the virtue of temperance. Not too much, not too little, right? Knowing what to resist, what to persist in. It's all about balance. That's what virtue is, the right amount of the right thing at the right time.

• 2:05Ryan Holiday?

  One of the most important concepts in all of ancient philosophy comes to us from Aristotle. He calls this the golden mean, right? Not too much, not too little. He says, "All virtues sit between two extremes, between two vices." So like here in Las Vegas, it's not that you would enjoy no pleasure. It's also not that you would take it so far, like hangover-style excess. It's the right amount, right in the middle. For the Stoics, the name of this virtue was temperance, right? Moderation. So it's about finding the right amount, not too much, not too little, the right amount. Of course, there are some things for which there is no right amount. But whether you're in Las Vegas, or New York City, or you're going out with your friends, the idea is the right amount of pleasure. Because too much pleasure, taken too far, becomes its own kind of pain and punishment.

• 2:54Ryan Holiday?

  There's a great story about Zeno, the founder of Stoicism. He's this successful merchant, he's leading a convoy of ships, and a storm hits, or he runs aground, suffers a terrible shipwreck, he loses everything, and he washes up penniless in Athens. He stumbles into a bookstore, and there, in the bookstore, he's introduced to philosophy and goes on to found Stoicism. And he would say later, "I made a great fortune when I suffered a shipwreck." He said, "Thus, fortune did drive me to philosophy." The shipwreck is the best thing that ever happened to him. It shapes his life because he allows it to shape his life. So the point is, this thing that's happening to you, this thing that you were fighting so hard that you wish hadn't happened, you have no idea where it will lead, you have no idea what you can make of it, but you've got to embrace it, you've got to accept it,

• 3:39Ryan Holiday?

  and you've got to turn it into something like Zeno did, because you may well change the world because of it.

• 3:49Ryan Holiday?

  Remember what the Stoics say, that the whole world is a temple of the gods. I mean, look at that sunset, look at this beach. Look at this life. Marcus Aurelius says, "Just remember, you're lucky to be alive, to be alive in this moment. Even if things are crazy and insane and awful in the world, they're also wonderful because you're getting to experience them. And to take that for granted, to be bitter or jaded or cynical about that, it's to waste this gift you've been given. And there's a reason they call it the present. It is a gift, even if this is not the most wonderful time to be alive. It's the only time in which you are alive. So we focus on what we control, which is our perceptions, our opinion about things. That we control, not when and where we are.

• 4:34Ryan Holiday?

  We try to make the most of it. We try to accept it. We try to be grateful for it. And that's how we find happiness now in this present moment, no matter what's happening in the world.

• 4:46Ryan Holiday?

  One thing that puts it all in perspective is our mortality, right? The fact that we're not going to be here forever.

• 4:54Ryan Holiday?

  Very little is needed for a happy life, according to the Stoics. Musonius Rufus, one of the great Stoics, he's exiled four times. And what does he learn, losing everything? He learns how much he was taking for granted. Yes, he misses Rome. He doesn't like being far away, but he reminds himself, "Did I actually experience Rome while I was there?" He sort of noticed that he's like one of those people that lives in New York City and brags about all its amenities, but he never took advantage of them. And he realized that actually the simple life was better. The simple life was more philosophical. And that he needed very little to be happy and that what he had was enough.

• 5:31Ryan Holiday?

  People think that being smart is about brilliance. Keith said that genius is actually something called negative capability. He says it's the ability to have two contradictory thoughts in your mind at the same time. Smart people have to be able to deal with the ambiguities of the world. Sometimes people say that Marcus Aurelius contradicts himself. Yeah, he does, because the world contradicts itself. The reality is that different situations call for different things. Marcus Aurelius was famous for his ability to get good things out of bad people. Yes, this person's flawed. Yes, this person struggles with this. Yes, this person can't do this, but they can do this. I'm going to be able to use their strengths and ignore their weaknesses. The ability to deal with complexity, with contradictions, with paradox. This is the mark of a wise person. But it's more than just a mark of intelligence.

• 6:16Ryan Holiday?

  Also, the path to happiness. If you need everything to be simple, if you need it to fit in a single box, the world will drive you insane. And you won't be able to come up with solutions to complex problems.

• 6:31Ryan Holiday?

  I try to remind myself constantly that this moment is enough. I don't need to be anywhere. I don't need to do anything. I don't need to become anything other than I am at this very moment in time, at this very place that I am, in this very instant. That's it. It's enough. The Stoics talk about poverty being not just a thing about your finances, but about needing, desiring, wishing, hoping, fearing that you are anything but what you are at this very instant. To become present, to lock in, that's the key to everything to me. That's what stillness is about. And that's really what happiness is too.

• 7:12Ryan Holiday?

  There's a story about an Athenian statesman who goes to dinner at Plato's house. And he says, "You know what I love about your dinners, Plato? It's that I still love them the day after." Meaning that he didn't hate himself. He wasn't sick. He didn't have a hangover. That there was just the right amount there. Food, of wine, of fun, people. I think there's this stereotype that the Stoics don't have any fun. It's totally wrong. The Stoic virtue is temperance. Moderation is the right amount. No things in excess. All things in moderation. That's what it is. And the truth is, and I'm sure everyone's experienced this, when you take a good thing too far, it ceases to be a good thing. It makes you unhappy. It makes you miserable. You have regrets later. You have pounds to lose. You do things that get you into trouble. Again, the Stoics have plenty of fun. Just have the right amount of fun and don't take it too far.

• 7:59Ryan Holiday?

  One of my all-time favorite books, The Great Gatsby. He opens the book with this, he says, "The best advice I ever got from my father is when you feel like criticizing someone, remind yourself that there are people in this world who have not had the advantages that you have." And I think about that every day. To me, that's the essence of Stoicism. It's strict with yourself, but tolerant with others. Understanding that everyone is going through something, understanding that you have privileges, we all do, and that other people haven't been exposed to the stuff that you have. Other people didn't have the father that you had. Other people didn't have any of the things that you had. Other people haven't even yet come around to understand that they are punishing themselves. So you've got to be kind to others, as strict as you are with yourself. You have to remember that other people in this world haven't had all the advantages that you've had.