Behavioral Scientist's Take on Accountability, Temptation Bundling & Creating Lasting Habits w/Katy Milkman Part 2 EP 1152

Today's guest is Katy Milkman, who is an award-winning behavioral scientist and Professor at The Wharton School of the University of Pennsylvania. She hosts the popular behavioral economics podcast Choiceology, and is the co-founder and co-director of The Behavior Change for Good Initiative. Her research is regularly featured in The New York Times, Wall Street Journal, and NPR. And in this interview Lewis and Katy get to dive into some of the research for her new book,How to Change: The Science of Getting from Where You Are to Where You Want to Be. This was such a powerful and enlightening conversation that we had to split it up in 2 parts! You can listen to the first part by going to www.lewishowes.com/1151 where Lewis and Katy talking about the biggest internal barriers holding you back, the science of believing in yourself, why setting big goals is actually hurting your ability to succeed, “Commitment Devices” and how they lead you to a better life. And in this second episode Lewis and Katy discuss the number 1 thing we need to know about changing ourselves for the better, what science says about how to prioritize your goals, making pledges and why they’re the key to accountability, how to “temptation bundle” and why this skill is so important for creating new habits, why we need to be more flexible with our goals, and so much more! For more go to: www.lewishowes.com/1152Check out Katy's website: www.katiemilkman.comThe Power of Erotic Intelligence with Esther Perel: https://link.chtbl.com/732-podFind Lasting Love with Matthew Hussey: https://link.chtbl.com/811-pod Get more from Lewis! Get my New York Times Bestselling book, Make Money Easy! Get The Greatness Mindset audiobook on SpotifyText Lewis AIYouTubeInstagramWebsiteTiktokFacebookX

Speaker names marked ? are inferred from speaking time and the show’s known hosts — they are not voice-verified.

• 0:00Lewis Howes?

  This is episode number 1,152 with Katie Milkman.

• 0:06Lewis Howes?

  Welcome to the School of Greatness. My name is Lewis Howes, a former pro athlete turned lifestyle entrepreneur. And each week, we bring you an inspiring person or message to help you discover how to unlock your inner greatness. Thanks for spending some time with me today. Now let the class begin.

• 0:27Lewis Howes?

  Jack Canfield said, "If you get clear on what you want, the how will be taken care of." And Stephen Richards said, "The true measure of success is how many times you can bounce back from failure." I'm excited because this is part two with Katie Milkman, who is an award-winning behavioral scientist and professor at the Wharton School of the University of Pennsylvania. And she hosts the popular behavioral economics podcast called Choiceology. And she's the co-founder and co-director of the Behavior Change for Good Initiative. Her research is regularly featured in New York Times, Wall Street Journal, and NPR. And in this interview, we dive into the sum of the research of her new book, How to Change: The Science of Getting From Where You Are to Where You Want to Be. Such a powerful interview

• 1:08Lewis Howes?

  that I made it into two parts. And you can listen to the first part by going to the previous episode or to lewishouse.com/1151. In the first part, we talked about the biggest internal barriers holding you back, the science of believing in yourself, why setting big goals is actually hurting your ability to succeed, and why you shouldn't do this, which I thought was interesting because it's something I've always done, and commitment devices and how they lead you to a better life. And in this episode, we discuss the number one thing we need to know about changing ourselves for the better, what science says about how to prioritize your goals, making pledges and why they're the key to accountability, how

• 1:50Lewis Howes?

  to temptation bundle, and why this skill is so important for creating new habits, why we need to be more flexible with our goals, and so much more. And again, if you're enjoying this at any moment, please spread the message of greatness to a friend, text someone, post it over on social media, and subscribe to the School of Greatness here on Apple Podcasts or Spotify, as well As leave us a review of the part you enjoyed the most. And I want to give a shout out to one of the fans of the week. This is from Care Bear Joy, who said, "I'm so grateful to have stumbled upon your channel and podcast after seeing your interview with Marissa Peer. The greatness you are sharing is a great reminder to never give up. And for that, I'm truly grateful." Again, big thank you Care Bear Joy for your review over on Apple Podcast. And would love to see more of your reviews out there.

• 2:35Lewis Howes?

  So let us know for your chance to be featured as a fan of the week. Okay, in just a moment, the one and only Katie Milkman.

• 2:45Lewis Howes?

  What would you say is the number one thing we need to know about changing our behavior for the better?

• 2:50Speaker 01

  That is a big question. I, I think the number one thing is like a high level thing as opposed to a tactic.

• 2:58Lewis Howes?

  Yes.

• 2:58Speaker 01

  And that high level thing is really what I built my book around. And that is the importance of not just sort of taking any of these different tactics off the shelf Willie Nill that we've been talking about, but trying to figure out what are the barriers for you? And, and match the tools that you put together to build your, your strategy to what's holding you back. So if you're struggling with, I, I just dread doing this activity, then find a way to make it fun. If you don't believe you can, then you need a new social structure and, and set of supports. And, and like you're gonna, maybe everybody could benefit a bit from all of these things. If you're procrastinating, create a commitment device. Like find yourself if you put it off any longer so that you'll no longer consider doing that.

• 3:42Speaker 01

  So what is the barrier? And then make sure you double down on creating the structures that will be relevant to it. Because everything we've talked about is good. It's all useful on average. That's what you're gonna get the most out of.

• 3:56Lewis Howes?

  So how do we create an assessment for ourselves to see what we need the most of? Maybe we feel like we're, you're not procrastinating, but actually we are procrastinating. Maybe we feel like we're confident person, but actually lack confidence. Or maybe you feel like you're not lazy, but actually you are. Like, how do we, what's the assessment? What's the list of questions to ask ourselves? Or just things to be aware of? So that we know, okay, I need to dive into like the confidence problem and start applying these things, or I need the commitment devices.

• 4:27Speaker 01

  Yeah, you're like, and you've got the, my books, chapters are organized, you've got them open in front of you, and I organize the book very intentionally around sort of, these are the different barriers, and here's what all the science says about how to overcome them, and so we've gone, we've been jumping around across chapters. You know, one of the things that I think is really wonderful about this particular topic is that I don't think there's as much self-deception here as there is in other domains. I think it's easier to diagnose, just from a very simple understanding of what the barriers are, almost like, if you look at the table of contents in my book, you'll see yourself in it, or read a couple, you know, a page, and you'll understand like, what do I mean by laziness? I mean, like, you're taking the path of last least resistance, you tend to fall back on habits, okay, if that, if it's like bad habits that are really getting in your way,

• 5:12Speaker 01

  then here's the set of strategies. So, I don't think there's as much self-deception, I think it's fairly straightforward, and people will see themselves quickly, and their own challenges.

• 5:21Lewis Howes?

  What's the biggest thing you want to change in your life right now?

• 5:26Speaker 01

  Oh my god, I have to choose the biggest, there's so many. I do a lot of me-search, by the way, like, this whole career, a lot of it like came from realizing that I wasn't optimizing in my own life, and that there were hacks and scientific strategies that could be applied to improve, and I'm constantly, anyway, I think there's sort of like two categories of scientists who study this stuff, the superhumans, and they are out there, who are like so self-controlled and amazing, and they look around at like all the little ants around them, and they're like, what's wrong with you? This is so peculiar, let me study it. And then there's the other group, which I fall into, which is the people who are sort of like, god, I'm a mess.

• 6:04Lewis Howes?

  Let me improve myself.

• 6:05Speaker 01

  Yes.

• 6:05Lewis Howes?

  What's the solution?

• 6:06Speaker 01

  Yeah, like, let's find scientific, so I'm the messy cat. Right now, I think the thing that I am struggling with most is work-life balance, and it's been a really tough year on that for so many reasons. I have a, I have a five-year-old who was out of school for a long time, and needed to, he was doing homeschool pre-K, which, you know, over Zoom goes about as well as you would think.

• 6:28Lewis Howes?

  Every five minutes, it's like, oh, get back on there, yeah.

• 6:31Speaker 01

  Yeah, yes, it's about as tough as anyone would imagine, Zoom pre-K. So that was tough. And then I had this book that I wrote and was really, you know, I put so much of myself into, and that was a tug. And then I do research primarily about health behavior change. And in the last year and a half.

• 6:50Lewis Howes?

  And your health was struggling, yeah.

• 6:51Speaker 01

  Well, we, yeah, we've needed some health behavior change in the world. As the global pandemic struck, I've studied vaccines and encouraging people to take vaccines. And I felt like there was more need for my expertise than ever before, and that I, I wanted to give as much as I could. And I have lost work, work-life balance to some degree, like, you know, many late nights at the computer instead of stepping back, many missed, like, you know, outings with family.

• 7:18Lewis Howes?

  Sure.

• 7:18Speaker 01

  Because this is so important. I have to do this now.

• 7:20Lewis Howes?

  Your mission is important, you're, yeah.

• 7:22Speaker 01

  But there has to be a balance. And so that, I think, is the biggest thing I'm trying to change.

• 7:26Lewis Howes?

  What would you fall into then? Which category would you?

• 7:29Speaker 01

  Procrastination.

• 7:30Lewis Howes?

  Procrastination towards spending more time, taking care of your health, and being with family and downtime. So procrastinating, being lazy. Not that way, but yeah.

• 7:39Speaker 01

  Yeah, but it's true. We all have our own.

• 7:41Lewis Howes?

  Relaxing.

• 7:41Speaker 01

  I, I've talked about the idea of wants and shoulds.

• 7:44Lewis Howes?

  Yes.

• 7:44Speaker 01

  So wants being like, the things that provide us with, sort of more the instant hit of gratification, and shoulds being the things that are good for us in the long run. But they're not always candy and salad, right? Sometimes some of us get mixed up on those wants and shoulds. And for me, the want this year has always been like, oh, I, I feel like I, I have this mission. And it has overtaken some of the things that are really important and really should be at the center, you know, having a five-year-old, having a family, and making sure that that's a priority. So having more balance is my biggest challenge right now.

• 8:21Lewis Howes?

  So the procrastination problem, is that what it is? What would you, what in that chapter on the procrastination problem? What tool should you be looking at more? And how should you be applying that tool? From the moment you leave this interview? For the next couple of months, how could you integrate that tool into your life?

• 8:41Speaker 01

  I think accountability and commitment are some of the things that are probably the most powerful here. So, um, one of the studies that I talk about in that chapter has to do with pledges. And the power of doctors who were over prescribing unnecessary antibiotics to their patients. Ended up doing that less so when they put a formal pledge up in their office saying, you know, when you come in, you've got a stuffy nose and you're begging me for your antibiotic. I don't do that. It's not recommended by them, you know, by, uh, by best practice. And I follow best practice. This is not what I should be doing. That pledge reduced that dramatically. I think sort of pledges. My partner is someone who I can have holding me accountable.

• 9:27Speaker 01

  Setting hours and sort of planning around what, what are those hours? And what are they going to be allocated to? Like, am I really going to work on Friday and Saturday night until 11:00 PM? Instead of taking time for myself and my family. Those are the kinds of tools and sort of, I, I've already instituted this in part because of these issues. Like my phone goes away during dinner with my family. When we're out doing activities, it needs to be away. Cause otherwise I'll be tempted to check and see, oh, you know, is there something coming up from work? That I should be responding to. So it is a little bit backwards, but the tools apply whether or not the things that are tugging you in the wrong direction are pizza and junk food or work.

• 10:08Lewis Howes?

  Right. So what is, uh, have you already been implementing all these things? Or is it something you need to?

• 10:13Speaker 01

  I'm implementing some of them, but not as many. We're actually, I'm about to have a fresh start. So, uh, Friday, tomorrow is a Friday. And then I go on a vacation with my family for a week. Which I'm really looking forward to. I haven't had a vacation in, I don't know how long.

• 10:29Lewis Howes?

  I just had one two weeks ago and I don't know, it was like, I can't remember the last time, years, five years.

• 10:35Speaker 01

  It feels like years. Also pandemic stretches out time taffy.

• 10:40Lewis Howes?

  You know something I did that was an incredible, I don't know if this is possible for you, but this is probably four or five years ago. I was like, I really feel like I need to get away on a vacation. And I realized at the time, for 15 years of my life, because I got a cellphone when I was 17 or 16 or something. For 15 years of my life, I had my cellphone on me every single day. Like, there was never a day I didn't have my phone near me at some point. Like, I checked it every day. And I was like, that just doesn't feel right. Like, to always, at least one point in the day, I touch my cellphone. For 15 years. And I said, what's the thing that scares me that I think could help a reset? And my producer at the time, Christine, she was like, I was like, I'm gonna go to Hawaii.

• 11:24Lewis Howes?

  And what I'm gonna do is she's gonna leave the phone in the hotel room when I go out. And she was like, what would it look like if you didn't take your phone or computer with you on the plane? And I was like, I don't even know if I could do that. But I actually ended up doing that for five or six days, left all electronics at home. And it was the scariest thing the first day, but then it was like freedom.

• 11:43Speaker 01

  Freeing, it's amazing.

• 11:45Lewis Howes?

  It felt incredible.

• 11:45Speaker 01

  That's how I take vacations, too.

• 11:47Lewis Howes?

  Really? You leave all the stuff at home?

• 11:48Speaker 01

  I don't bring a computer. I normally do bring my phone.

• 11:52Lewis Howes?

  But it's like stored away in the safe.

• 11:55Speaker 01

  Stored away in the safe, and I take email off of it. So, like, you know.

• 11:58Lewis Howes?

  No social media and email or whatever.

• 11:59Speaker 01

  Right, all the things that would be a drag, they're gone.

• 12:02Lewis Howes?

  It's just a phone.

• 12:03Speaker 01

  It's just a phone.

• 12:04Lewis Howes?

  Call me and that's it.

• 12:05Speaker 01

  Yeah, yeah. So, no, I think that's absolutely critical. And that's a commitment device, right? You've put constraints on your own access to things that would tug you into a place that's not good. You'd be tempted to do this thing that's not good for you. You've created a commitment device when you.

• 12:17Lewis Howes?

  Interesting.

• 12:18Speaker 01

  Right, and it is weird. Like, you are constraining access to tools that you normally value. That is a very weird thing, if you sort of step back and think about it. But it helps. And there's a lot of ways we can create constraints that help us achieve more.

• 12:32Lewis Howes?

  What about non-negotiables? Like, creating a non-negotiable, like, every, like, for dinner. Non-negotiables, I put my phone away. Or on Friday at 6 o'clock, I turn my phone off for the weekend.

• 12:43Speaker 01

  Totally.

• 12:44Lewis Howes?

  Is that something that is, works in this, or is that?

• 12:47Speaker 01

  Absolutely. It absolutely works in this. That's a kind of commitment device, or the non, that is a commitment device. Those are boundaries, rules, constraints. And I've got it down for dinner. I mostly have it down during the day on weekends. My real remaining problem is like, late nights, once my son is in bed.

• 13:06Lewis Howes?

  After dinner, you're back of working until midnight. Yeah, yeah.

• 13:09Speaker 01

  Yeah. So, anyway, those are things I'm working on.

• 13:11Lewis Howes?

  Interesting. Okay.

• 13:13Speaker 01

  What are you working on?

• 13:14Lewis Howes?

  Oh, man. What am I working on right now? I think I put a lot on my plate. I have a lot of big goals and big dreams and aspirations with my mission, in terms of the people we want to reach and impact with the business. Business goals, building the team, financial goals, with my health and like, okay, you know, I was training with the USA national team for the last nine years to try to make the Olympics and team handball. And that's just a big time commitment. To now it's like, I'm taking on the marathon and then being in intimate relationships and wanting to spend quality time with, you know, people and having friendships and just travel. It's so many, wanted to write a book that I was talking about. It's like, well, it's okay.

• 13:58Lewis Howes?

  A lot of the big goals and seeing like, how can I continue to not limit myself? So, expanding the plate in which I can add things to it, but also feel a sense of peace and balance with the expansiveness. So what does that look like? Empowering teams, or maybe letting go of certain things that aren't as important and focusing on the other things. Having seasons of my life where, okay, for the next three months, I'm not gonna do this and this, because I'm gonna go all in on these two things. But I can come back to it in three months. And trying to manage that process. Yeah, so.

• 14:38Lewis Howes?

  And it's like, you know, I'm also taking Spanish lessons three days a week, because I want to be fluent in Spanish. It's like, all the things I'm trying to do.

• 14:45Speaker 01

  You sound like a workaholic, too.

• 14:47Lewis Howes?

  I'm a passionate human that wants to develop more skills to serve the world better. And also, you know, being in therapy and learning about myself more and healing and all this stuff. It's like, I want to do a lot. So it's figuring out how to manage it all while not like letting people down or upsetting people and you know.

• 15:07Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 15:08Lewis Howes?

  Just all of it.

• 15:08Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 15:09Lewis Howes?

  So the chat, the opportunity is, how do I continue to set up structure, accountability, schedule?

• 15:18Lewis Howes?

  And, and also eliminate things that aren't important for me to do in my business. Like, okay, why am I holding on to doing these tasks that I don't need to be doing? So it's kind of like eliminating tasks that aren't as meaningful for my skills by bringing in other people to support with that, letting go of things that I've maybe done for years that have helped me get here, but won't help me get there. You know what I mean? It's kind of letting go of those things that you've been used to do, that I've been used to doing and that I'm good at, but I don't need to do anymore. So it's constantly in that like.

• 15:51Speaker 01

  Moving from sous chef to master chef.

• 15:54Lewis Howes?

  Right, exactly. Where it's not like, why, I'm so used to writing on my social media and so used to replying to comments on all my emails, but it's like, I don't need to do that. I should be more strategic thinking and creating the menu or whatever, you know, not like doing this, like pounding the fish and like making the rice or something, you know, so.

• 16:12Speaker 01

  And thank you for sticking with my.

• 16:13Lewis Howes?

  You know what I mean? I'm trying to stick with your analogy here, yes, so making the miso soup or whatever it is, yeah. So it's, it's eliminating certain tasks and doing the bigger strategic things, only the things that I can do. Like, I should focus on being a great interviewer and like building the relationships with the guests and making it a great episode. I shouldn't be doing everything else around it.

• 16:37Speaker 01

  It's, it's a really interesting point and we haven't talked about this yet, but I love that you took us into sort of prioritization and how many things at once. And one of the most interesting studies that's been done on planning and, and like we talked about if then plans earlier, in the last decade, I think was a study that showed if you actually make too many if then plans and too many is like two plus. It's harmful.

• 17:04Lewis Howes?

  Give me an example again of an if then plan.

• 17:05Speaker 01

  So it's like, you know, uh, well, it's just mapping out the details really of how you're gonna get, you know, with a marathon, like what am I gonna do when each for for this goal on each day of the week? When you start doing that for a bunch of goals, you sit down and do them all at once.

• 17:20Lewis Howes?

  It's a lot.

• 17:20Speaker 01

  It's overwhelming.

• 17:21Lewis Howes?

  It's too much.

• 17:22Speaker 01

  You get demotivated. It's too much. And I actually, you talked about the seasons of your life, which I think is a beautiful way of describing one of the strategies that can get around this problem that that has been pointed to. And that is like, you know, one at a time, do the planning.

• 17:36Lewis Howes?

  Yes.

• 17:37Speaker 01

  And then we talked about routines and putting things sort of on autopilot, like Spanish lessons. Probably at some point you had to sit down and make a plan, like, how am I gonna become fluent in Spanish?

• 17:45Lewis Howes?

  Exactly. And I scheduled at 8 a.m. Tuesday, Wednesday, 30th day. And it's like, I've got it scheduled. I paid for the teacher in advance.

• 17:53Speaker 01

  Some calls.

• 17:53Lewis Howes?

  I put the money in. I got it scheduled on my calendar for the whole year or for seasons of time. I actually might take like the month off because now I'm doing marathon training and I'm like,

• 18:03Speaker 01

  Can you do everything at 8 a.m.?

• 18:04Lewis Howes?

  Well, that's gonna be done. Well, then I gotta get 6:30 a.m. And can I transition fast enough? Probably not. And also do two interviews a day and have energy and focus and clarity. And when I have a dinner two nights a week with friends, like, maybe not.

• 18:19Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 18:19Lewis Howes?

  So it's like, okay.

• 18:20Speaker 01

  So sometimes you do prioritize. I was actually gonna say you like had it set up and then you could move to sort of add the next thing.

• 18:27Lewis Howes?

  Right.

• 18:28Speaker 01

  But once you've already got that going. But it's also really great to know when you have to take it off. And then you know how to come back to it. It'll probably be easier to start again because you've got the plan.

• 18:35Lewis Howes?

  And I know this would be done in November. So it's like, okay, the marathon's over in November. It's three months. It's a season. I look at my life in seasons always since I played sports. I couldn't play football and basketball at the same time. You've gotta be all in on that sport for that season. Now, I did do track and baseball in the same season one time. It was very challenging. I would run track meets and then I would go pitch in baseball games and just pitch games my my junior year in high school. And it was doable, but I wasn't at the highest level at either one. I was good. I was effective, but I wasn't the best I could be at either one. And that's why I also like, okay, I'm gonna be doing this marathon, something I need to schedule,

• 19:18Lewis Howes?

  create new time somewhere else or let go of something for the next three months. Or do it less, something like that, and know that I'm not gonna get my best potentially. So that I can at least not kill myself in a marathon. You know, it's like, so. That's the way I look at it and and there's in in in sports inside of a season. There is typically a preseason, the season, the playoffs, and then the postseason. And the postseason is always a time to reflect. Do I want to do this next year? Do I want to retire from this? What are my goals for next year? How am I going to train to prepare for the preseason and then the season? And I think that's always a good time as well as to take that time, whether that's the holidays,

• 20:00Lewis Howes?

  where you take time to reflect on the next year, the fresh start, to see what are my goals again?

• 20:05Speaker 01

  And there's lots of fresh starts in sports and I think it's no accident, right? Including like, you know, and then your season to date statistics reset, like so many things that give you the chance to have that clean slate. It's really interesting hearing you talk also about the two. I was a tennis player, which comes up a fair amount in the book because there's a lot of lessons from from that sport that have shaped my research. But I also found it hard to be all in on multiple things. I played very seriously and played division one, but I actually quit tennis about halfway through college when I realized I wanted to be an academic. And it was just too many competing pressures to do. I I could do school well, well enough, you know, to get good grades.

• 20:47Speaker 01

  But when I realized that's what I wanted to commit my life to, I didn't want to have a second priority of, you know, playing division one sports.

• 20:54Lewis Howes?

  Where did you play again?

• 20:55Speaker 01

  At Princeton.

• 20:56Lewis Howes?

  Princeton, wow.

• 20:57Speaker 01

  You know, not Stanford.

• 20:59Lewis Howes?

  Yeah, yeah, it's still competitive.

• 21:00Speaker 01

  It was a serious.

• 21:01Lewis Howes?

  D one is still competitive.

• 21:02Speaker 01

  Yeah, no, it was a serious, it was a serious, you know.

• 21:05Lewis Howes?

  And it takes, and you can't compete at division one level with an hour and a half of training a day. You can't.

• 21:10Speaker 01

  No, no, you know, many, many hours a day. It was a huge commitment, right? Taking certain kinds of classes that meet in the afternoon wasn't really feasible. And to do it all well, if you want to really excel at everything, I found. At the very highest level, to me, I wanted more focus.

• 21:28Lewis Howes?

  Yes, or it's like, okay, I'm gonna be an elite tennis player. I'm gonna be elite in academics and have no friends and family.

• 21:35Speaker 01

  Right, that's right, like something had to go. And I wanted to, I also, that's a good point. I also wanted to have a social life.

• 21:39Lewis Howes?

  Yeah.

• 21:40Speaker 01

  So I could have crossed that out and I could have done it all.

• 21:42Lewis Howes?

  And I think you could do that. Like when I was in college, I really didn't have much of a social life. I didn't, I didn't have one sip of alcohol. I didn't do any drugs. I didn't do anything because I was so committed to obsessing over sports. I should say I had, I had more of a social life than I had an academic life because I didn't put any energy into academics. So I was like, I'm not that good at this. I don't care about school. I care about, you know, girls and sports was like kind of the main thing when you're in college, right? And I was like, okay, let me go all in.

• 22:10Speaker 01

  For me, those weren't for me.

• 22:12Lewis Howes?

  Yeah, exactly. But it was like obsessive over the goal. And I had to put so much energy and thought. I would go to sleep for about 45 minutes to an hour before every night. I would watch videos of the greatest athletes in that sport. And then I did a, did aathlon my senior year and I would just watch pole vault videos over and over again. I'd visualize myself at night before going to bed of me being, I want to look and have the form of these other athletes going upside down and over the pole. And I'm just obsessed about it, you know, it's like.

• 22:44Speaker 01

  You have to put your whole self into that, right? And that's the seasons.

• 22:47Lewis Howes?

  And I knew it was a season. I was like, okay, the national championships is six months away. That's the goal. I gotta qualify for that. And so I got obsessed until I, otherwise then it's done. I'm graduating school. So I think we gotta look at our life like that in the seasons as well. And really, I, I love the research behind the accountability and the commitment, the pledges. I think that's a really cool idea. How could we apply pledging in our, you know, life around

• 23:13Lewis Howes?

  a relationship, your finances or your health?

• 23:16Speaker 01

  Well, I mean, actually, interestingly, society is already set up with a lot of pledges involved in relationships without, you know, us even getting involved, right?

• 23:25Lewis Howes?

  I'm engaged, I'm married, this is my boyfriend, I'm not single anymore.

• 23:29Speaker 01

  Right, we're talking about, you know, sunk costs, wedding rings, these things are all related, right? And it's interesting that these structures have bubbled up, even though the research that sort of proves how effective they are came decades, hundreds of years later in many cases.

• 23:42Lewis Howes?

  Really?

• 23:43Speaker 01

  But, you know, a lot of the things that exist that help us be true to each other, or, you know, even if you think about taking professional pledges, when you become a doctor, the Hippocratic oath, a lot of these kinds of pledges, they're already there. But, but one thing the research points to is, can we build more of them? And, and how can we use them? And how can we create ways that even when there isn't a structure, right? Even, maybe you're not going to get engaged to your coach in this, you know, marathon, because that's not a thing in marathons, but is there some, is there something from that idea that you can build? Like, can you commit or pledge to each other in some way that will make your commitment to each other more meaningful and more powerful?

• 24:23Speaker 01

  So, anyway, it is interesting to see how society and has already built some of this in, and then think, can we take inspiration from it and from the research to build more of it in other places?

• 24:35Lewis Howes?

  Right. Can you talk to me about temptation bundling? And what temptation bundling is and how we can utilize it for our lives?

• 24:43Speaker 01

  Yes. This is the very first bit of MeSearch I did.

• 24:47Lewis Howes?

  MeSearch, I like it.

• 24:49Speaker 01

  This is my MeSearch. So, okay, this idea came, and then it sort of, I got to this field later. I was a graduate student, actually, getting a PhD in computer science and business, which was, you know, the classwork was not that fun, I will admit. And I wasn't, there were a lot of classes I had to take that were tough, a lot of problem sets, and I was exhausted when I would come home, like, focused, so focused all day, and like, trying to understand what everybody was saying and make sense of all these different, to me, it was almost like a different language to think that way. So I'd come home, I was tired, I didn't want to pick up my problem sets and get the work done. All I wanted to do was what any sane person wanted to do, like curl up on the couch.

• 25:30Lewis Howes?

  Watch TV.

• 25:31Speaker 01

  And binge watch TV.

• 25:32Lewis Howes?

  Yeah, exactly.

• 25:32Speaker 01

  Fucking like any reasonable human. I was also a former athlete and like feeling physically healthy and active was important to me for, you know, identity, mental health, physical health. But I couldn't drag myself to go to the gym, which I also knew I needed to be doing because I was just so drained. And I realized there was a way, maybe I could solve those problems all at once. What I started doing, and I'm certainly not the only person who had come up with this solution, but I might be the only person who's named it and studied it, is I decided I was only gonna let myself enjoy indulgent entertainment while I was exercising at the gym.

• 26:07Lewis Howes?

  Right, so if I really want to watch the Kardashians, I need to be on a treadmill or doing it here where I can enjoy it while moving my body.

• 26:14Speaker 01

  You got it. So for me, it turns out, I've already admitted I'm a nerd, so no one's gonna be surprised to hear this, and also like I can only handle so much sensory input, so I did it with audio novels. I couldn't do, TV was like too much, I couldn't follow the characters and everything. So like, you know, James Patterson, Alex Cross style, actually Harry Potter, I love Harry Potter, and like Voldemort, what's gonna happen next? So I would only let myself listen to those books at the gym. And I would find myself then coming home from this long day of classes craving a trip to the gym.

• 26:43Lewis Howes?

  Excited.

• 26:44Speaker 01

  So excited, what's gonna happen to Alex Cross next? Is he gonna get, you know, is he gonna escape? Is he gonna get the bad guy? And then I'd get to the gym, time would fly while I was there, because the workout isn't painful, it's fun, I didn't even notice, sometimes I worked out too long because I wanted to hear what happens next. And then I come back, when I'm done, I'm refreshed, I'm rejuvenated, I've had my break, I was ready to dive into my classwork, and I turned around, you know, my grades improved a lot, thank goodness, because I was having a tough time there for a little while in grad school, and it was just all better, because I had figured out by linking a chore with a temptation, I could make it fun. And we already talked about the importance of making it fun for persistence. This is just a tactic for doing it. So I've since done research showing, I'm not, I'm not that weird.

• 27:28Speaker 01

  A lot of my research is like, oh, look, I'm not weird, it works for other people too. So we ran large randomized controlled trials and showed that teaching people the temptation bundle, giving them temptations to a hook with a chore improves outcomes in terms of exercise. You can think about porting it to other places, like only listen to this podcast if it's somebody who loves your podcast while you're, you know, cooking your family a homemade meal. Or while you're catching up on household chores, or while you're going for a run, what is the thing that you sometimes don't do, put off because it's not instantly gratifying? Can you link something you love with it? A snack you only let yourself pick up when you're heading to hit the books? Social, make it social can be a way to make something fun, right? As that can be the temptation bundle.

• 28:11Speaker 01

  I only get to see my best friend when we're going for neighborhood walks and getting in our

• 28:15Lewis Howes?

  That's cool.

• 28:15Speaker 01

  Our morning exercise, right? Like what, and we'll gossip only at that time. That's where we'll reserve the gossip for the exercise walk. So what are the ways that you can find something that you love?

• 28:26Lewis Howes?

  The guilty pleasures with a healthy habit.

• 28:29Speaker 01

  You got it.

• 28:30Lewis Howes?

  When is the best time to start a new habit?

• 28:35Speaker 01

  Yeah, this comes back, I think, to what we were talking about with fresh starts and these chapter breaks. And so psychologically, those breakpoints are a great time for starting something new because we have that renewed enthusiasm, optimism, the ability to say, okay, I couldn't do it last time, but I can be optimistic now because I've turned the page on a new chapter. But actually, another thing that can help beyond just that psychological chapter break is a physical change, especially if a habit that's not such a good one has been associated with a place or location.

• 29:10Lewis Howes?

  So like you went through a breakup and you're living with a person for a year to ten years, it's actually moving into a new physical location and kind of creating a new environment and fresh started by physically moving. Is that what you mean?

• 29:24Speaker 01

  Totally. And that's going to sort of, any of the things that had you in a rut that you want to, you know, sort of rip away, it's going to be easier to pull them apart. I think the easiest example would be like, say you have a habit of picking up a Dunkin' Donuts on the way to work every morning, like, you know, three donuts. And then you realize like, that's maybe not great for me, or even one, maybe not great for you. Sorry if that's news to anyone. So you want to break that habit. If you're like moving to a new job, you are literally not going to walk by the same Dunkin' Donuts on the way to work.

• 29:57Lewis Howes?

  Right. Or you take a different route.

• 29:59Speaker 01

  If you take a different route, you can give your Yourself a fresh start, but so so you can create changes that make it easier to break habits. If you move out of living with right, so just think about how this is an insane example. But you're in a relationship with someone, it's not working out. You could imagine you don't move out, you just say like, well, we'll cohabitate and and we'll like move into different rooms. That would be a terrible idea.

• 30:22Lewis Howes?

  Terrible.

• 30:23Speaker 01

  Terrible idea, right? And like that's part of the the thing that we do when we're trying to change other habits is basically like still living with the with the environment that was holding us back.

• 30:33Lewis Howes?

  Right.

• 30:34Speaker 01

  So thinking about are there breaks in the environment that can help shape change is great. And there's this research by Wendy Wood showing that when people, college transfer students, when they're transferring to a new college in a totally new community versus just like basically going down to a different, you know, they're still living in the same environment with the same habits and friends and just going to a different, you know, I used to go to this college down this street, now I'm going to that college.

• 31:01Lewis Howes?

  Right.

• 31:01Speaker 01

  The more disruption there was to your environment, the more that habit disruption came along with it. And people were able to build better and different exercise routines and.

• 31:10Lewis Howes?

  Really like improvement in in change would happen when you.

• 31:14Speaker 01

  More easily when there's that shift.

• 31:15Lewis Howes?

  The drastic change, the drastic physical change, the environment change.

• 31:18Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 31:19Lewis Howes?

  Interesting, huh?

• 31:22Lewis Howes?

  So moving like in a different state or a different climate or a different, just like all around environment will help you.

• 31:28Speaker 01

  Or a different job.

• 31:30Lewis Howes?

  Got you.

• 31:30Speaker 01

  Different set of so, you know, place you hang out, whatever it is, the physical change can actually sort of help in addition to that fresh start psychological change.

• 31:41Lewis Howes?

  That's cool.

• 31:41Speaker 01

  Is what I think the research points to.

• 31:43Lewis Howes?

  And this is Wendy Wood's research that you're talking about, right?

• 31:46Speaker 01

  Yes.

• 31:46Lewis Howes?

  Sounds like someone I should interview.

• 31:47Speaker 01

  You should interview Wendy, which is amazing.

• 31:49Lewis Howes?

  Do you know her well?

• 31:50Speaker 01

  Yes.

• 31:50Lewis Howes?

  She's here.

• 31:51Speaker 01

  Everybody I've talked about, one of the things that's really fun about behavioral science is we have this, I co-direct this initiative with Angela Duckworth called the Behavior Change for Good Initiative. And we have 150 scientists in our network around the world who all study behavior change and have like, you know, there are different areas of expertise, Wendy is.

• 32:07Lewis Howes?

  Adam and Ethan are in there too, I think.

• 32:09Speaker 01

  Exactly, exactly.

• 32:11Lewis Howes?

  Ethan told me about this, yeah.

• 32:12Speaker 01

  Yeah, Wendy's down the street at USC and she wrote a great book, Good Habits, Bad Habits.

• 32:16Lewis Howes?

  I'll have to read that, yeah, okay, cool.

• 32:21Lewis Howes?

  What else do we need to know about behavioral change to support us in accomplishing and achieving our goals?

• 32:30Speaker 01

  Trying to think of...

• 32:30Lewis Howes?

  Besides everything in your book.

• 32:31Speaker 01

  We've covered a lot.

• 32:33Lewis Howes?

  Covered a lot, yes.

• 32:33Speaker 01

  We've covered a lot of ground. You know, we have, we talked about it at a high level, but I want to come back to something we talked about at a high level that I think is one of the most important insights in the book, and that is flexibility.

• 32:47Speaker 01

  And I think we should talk a bit about flexibility. Maybe we should even talk also a little bit about recovering from failure.

• 32:52Lewis Howes?

  Oh, I like this. Yes, let's talk about it.

• 32:55Speaker 01

  Okay, so to talk about flexibility, I'm going to tell you about an experiment that surprised me. And maybe I'll, well, now I've told you it surprised me, so I won't set you up and ask you to guess, because you'll know.

• 33:06Lewis Howes?

  Okay.

• 33:06Speaker 01

  I ran this experiment because I thought I knew enough about habits to help people form lasting habits with a tactic that ended up not working. So it was an experiment I ran at Google. I ran it with John Beshears of Harvard Business School and a few other collaborators. We wanted to get Googlers to build a lasting exercise habit. So we had 2,500 of them who signed up. They all said, "I'm in, I want to build it." It was called the Fresh Start Challenge. The beginning of the new year. They're all ready to go to the corporate gym more regularly. And we randomly assigned them to different groups. We thought we had a formula for helping them build a lasting habit based on sort of a month program. We were going to get them to kickstart this habit during this month. Okay, so one group is told,

• 33:51Speaker 01

  "We want to focus you on consistency in your routine. You tell us the ideal time for you to work out." Say they say 7:00 a.m. We say, "Great, you're going to go to the gym at 7:00 a.m. as consistently as possible. You'll only be rewarded when you hit the gym right at around 7:00 a.m. Go for it. You're a 7:00 a.m. workout person for a month." And after a month of this sort of reinforcing that, you're going to have a habit, and we're going to let go, and we'll see that you keep doing it. Okay. The second group, we say, "Okay, what's your ideal workout time? Let's make your plan." Say this person says 7:00 a.m. too. We say, "Great, 7:00 a.m. is a good time. Go 7:00 a.m. sometimes, but we want you to mix it up. Go whenever you want. Just do it, do it a lot for the next month. And when the month is over, we think you'll have a lasting habit. Flexibility is key." We thought the people who we got going consistently,

• 34:36Speaker 01

  we actually, we thought that was probably better.

• 34:38Lewis Howes?

  Consistency is the best way.

• 34:39Speaker 01

  That's what we thought.

• 34:40Lewis Howes?

  If you do it consistently every time, every day, you're going to be able to stick this habit...

• 34:43Speaker 01

  You're going to be a robot.

• 34:44Lewis Howes?

  Right.

• 34:45Speaker 01

  You're going to keep going.

• 34:46Lewis Howes?

  Machine.

• 34:46Speaker 01

  Yes, a machine. A machine is better than a robot.

• 34:49Lewis Howes?

  Yes.

• 34:50Speaker 01

  So we thought that was the thing to do. Both groups in our experiment, you know, ended up going to the gym at the same frequency during this month-long kickoff period, but in different patterns. The group that we'd said, "routine, routine, routine," 85% of their workouts are at the same time. The group we'd said, "flexibility, flexibility," only half of their workouts are at that same time. So then we let go. The month where we've been really, you know, holding their hand is over. And what we really care about is who's going afterwards, like who's built a habit that lasts.

• 35:21Lewis Howes?

  For the next month, six months, year.

• 35:22Speaker 01

  Year, yeah. We're looking at the data and we're sure it's the routine people. We analyze the data. It's not.

• 35:29Lewis Howes?

  Flexibility.

• 35:29Speaker 01

  Flexibility.

• 35:30Lewis Howes?

  Flexibility is key. Not consistency is key.

• 35:32Speaker 01

  Flexibility was key. And we're like, "What? What's going on?" So we dig in. We're analyzing this data. We're like, "What's going on?" The people who had gone more consistently at their regular time, they did keep going a little bit more often at their special time. So if you're a 7:00 AM person, you're going a little bit more at 7:00 AM if you were in that rigid group than if you're in the flexible group. But they're rigid. That's the key word.

• 35:53Lewis Howes?

  It's almost like if you miss that time, I'm not going at all.

• 35:56Speaker 01

  That's right.

• 35:56Lewis Howes?

  I miss the day. So I'm not going to go at noon or 5:00 or 7:00.

• 35:59Speaker 01

  They don't go if they miss their 7:00 AM. That's it. They're just, they give up on themselves. It's an only under these circumstances kind of habit. The flexible people, they go a tiny bit less at their regular time, but if they miss that time, they have another time. They have a backup plan. They have a backup plan after that. So they're going to the gym more net-net because they've built this flexible strategy, like they have their first best, their second best, and their third best. They've built a no matter what habit, if you will.

• 36:23Lewis Howes?

  I'm going to do this at midnight if I have to, or 11:00 and PM. And as long as I get it in.

• 36:27Speaker 01

  They've learned how to roll with the fact that life is not consistent.

• 36:31Lewis Howes?

  Life's not perfect, yeah.

• 36:32Speaker 01

  And so, you know, they have a most regular time, but they also have a next best time and so on, instead of an only rigid routine. And I thought this was so interesting to me, and I write about this in the book. It brought me back to tennis because, and we sort of talked about this a little bit earlier when I was saying flexible, you never practice a sport only under perfect conditions.

• 36:52Lewis Howes?

  Right.

• 36:52Speaker 01

  Right? Like, I never trained and hit forehands, always standing at the baseline perfectly aligned. Like, you know, I did some of that.

• 36:58Lewis Howes?

  The sun's shining and 78 degrees, yeah.

• 36:59Speaker 01

  Yeah, but if that's all you do in your training regimen, you're hosed because that's not what you're going to find in the real, when you're out.

• 37:06Lewis Howes?

  Environment.

• 37:06Speaker 01

  Yeah, when you're out on the court in a real match. You're going to have to be able to run backwards and forwards and, you know, have the sun in your eyes at a different angle. And so, I think that's what we learned from that. It's so important if we're trying to build... Good habits, if we're trying to build routines that will last, to understand that we need to, okay, have a first best, but have a second best and third best and, and practice being flexible as we're trying to build up that performance. So you're actually talking about your, I, I think it's, it's different if you're meeting with your Spanish coach at 8 a.m. every day. There's nothing wrong with that, but probably practicing Spanish and saying, I'm always gonna do it at 5 p.m. and otherwise, no matter, sometimes there's no one holding you accountable. You're not meeting, you know, with your tutor.

• 37:50Lewis Howes?

  Sure.

• 37:51Speaker 01

  So you're gonna wanna say like, I'll try for 5 p.m.

• 37:53Lewis Howes?

  But I'm gonna practice at some point, yeah.

• 37:55Speaker 01

  Practice at some point, even if 5 p.m. falls apart. Then I've got my 9 p.m. backup plan.

• 37:59Lewis Howes?

  Right, right. Or if life happens and I wanna do a dinner at 5 with someone, friend, and then I can do it afterwards or before.

• 38:05Speaker 01

  It's related to failure.

• 38:07Lewis Howes?

  Yeah.

• 38:07Speaker 01

  Which was another thing I said we hadn't talked about. Cause flexibility is about like-

• 38:12Lewis Howes?

  You don't fail, cause you can shift it.

• 38:14Speaker 01

  Exactly.

• 38:15Lewis Howes?

  Whereas if I have to do it at 7 a.m. and I don't make it and I'm done for the day, I failed. That's interesting. So tell me more about failure. That was the next thing you were gonna say, right?

• 38:23Speaker 01

  I think some of the tech, first of all, I think the thing I wanna study most next and sort of, that I think is the most important understudied topic in my field is recovery from failure. And that, you know, of course, we've got Carol Dweck thinking about like, failure is growth, and I'm saying Angela Duckworth thinking about grit. It's not like it isn't studied. I just think there's so much that we need to know because almost inevitably we fail when we're trying to achieve anything ambitious.

• 38:51Lewis Howes?

  Okay.

• 38:51Speaker 01

  And a lot of people don't get back up again.

• 38:54Lewis Howes?

  Why is that? Why do we not get back up? Cause it's so defeating, or it's deflating, or we told people we were gonna do this and then we let them down, or we let ourselves down, or-

• 39:05Speaker 01

  All of the above, you know, all of the above. Or we don't have a growth mindset, or, you know, we, we think maybe something else will be easier.

• 39:10Lewis Howes?

  Perfectionists, and so then we procrastinate if it's not perfect, or-

• 39:14Speaker 01

  There's a million reasons. That's the, that's one of the challenges, and that's what makes it so hard to solve. But we know a little bit, and flexibility seems to be one of the key things. You know, having a growth mindset, so you can say that failure isn't diagnostic of me, but it's an opportunity to grow and learn, and I can get better and do better the next time. So these are some of the things, but I think we need a lot more.

• 39:33Lewis Howes?

  Right.

• 39:34Speaker 01

  One study I really like- And we're saying, I'm talking a lot about exercise studies, even though it's just, you know, a part of this world, but there's a lot, it's like the fruit fly of habits, like going to the gym. Marissa Sharif, who is a professor at Wharton with me, has this really cool research on what she calls emergency reserves. I call them mulligans. She wanted to go to the, she wanted to work out every day. So she was doing some research and she realized, okay, I want to set a tough goal, like every day, that's good for me, but sometimes I'm going to fail. And she knew about something else called the what the hell effect. Well aptly named. When you have a small goal failure, people often throw up their hands and give up and then, you know, abandon completely.

• 40:18Lewis Howes?

  Small goal failure.

• 40:20Speaker 01

  Yeah, so like, I'm only going to eat 1,500 calories today, that's my goal. And then I see donuts at the, in the coffee room, I eat it, and then I'm like, what the hell? And then I have pizza.

• 40:29Lewis Howes?

  Everything, yeah.

• 40:29Speaker 01

  Yeah, I go crazy. So that's the what the hell effect. It was originally studied related to dieting. I'm not saying it's healthy to have those kinds of goals, but anyway, that's where it was studied. So we do this what the hell effect thing all the time. So she was like, how do I balance these two problems if I want to have a tough goal, but if I have a tough goal, I'm going to have some goal failures and I'm going to get what the hell and I'm going to quit. So she came up with this strategy for herself, which she then studied both with productivity and also with exercise goals and all different settings for her dissertation work. And the idea was, she's going to set that tough goal, but give herself some emergency reserves, some sort of like, if you play Monopoly, like the get out of jail free card, that you save for the real emergency, but you've got it in your back pocket and then you can declare like, everything's okay, I'm going to use this now.

• 41:11Lewis Howes?

  So three times a month, I can call, get an emergency card, like, I'm exhausted, I didn't sleep well last night, I got too much on my plate today, so these are one of three days that I can say, it's okay, and I'm not a failure.

• 41:22Speaker 01

  And it's got to be limited.

• 41:24Lewis Howes?

  Right.

• 41:25Speaker 01

  So it doesn't become like, well, every day is an emergency.

• 41:27Lewis Howes?

  I never work out, yeah, yeah.

• 41:28Speaker 01

  And she thinks calling it an emergency is important, even though I like to call it a mulligan, because you don't want to be tempted to use it. She says she actually almost never takes it. But she, what she does is she sets like, seven days a week goal, but she gets two emergency reserves, she almost never takes them.

• 41:40Lewis Howes?

  Each week, two a week.

• 41:41Speaker 01

  Each week, two a week. And then, She's done this research showing like if you do that kind of structure, right? The seven day a week tough goal. She compares that to what about just a five day a week goal? Which is structurally the same as seven days with two get out of jail free cards. Or you get the seven.

• 41:56Lewis Howes?

  Which ones, which ones?

• 41:57Speaker 01

  Seven days with the emergency reserves crushes the other two. Just much better performance because you're striving for that tough goal, but you don't give up on yourself if you have a miss. And, and so that makes up for, for, you know, that makes it better than everything else. And so I think this is something we can do is like, can we give ourselves a tiny bit of wiggle room? Not so much that we'll wiggle all the time.

• 42:20Lewis Howes?

  I wonder if this is kind of like, might be a bad analogy.

• 42:28Lewis Howes?

  It's like knowing if, I'm not married, but it's like knowing if you're married and you had like a hall pass or whatever they call it, like where it's like, okay, my celebrity crush. I know I can go do this if I wanted to, but since I have the freedom and flexibility to, I actually don't use it. You know what I mean?

• 42:45Speaker 01

  I wouldn't want to do that research study. I feel like I would have trouble getting the ethics approval. But yeah, I guess, I guess it's sort of like, just knowing it's within bounds. And that like you have some permissiveness. Yeah, I don't know if, I don't know if the relationship analogy perfectly works, but it is the same idea that, that by knowing you have a fallback, it can, it can get you through something that's stressful. Cause you're like, if it's really an emergency, I could do this.

• 43:13Lewis Howes?

  Or even if it's like, okay, I have one cheat meal a week or something, or one day, whatever I want, but I know I could have pizza two nights a week if I wanted to. But then you're like, well, I know, I know I could eat it this night, but as an emergency, but I know it's coming in three days. So I'll just wait, something like that.

• 43:29Speaker 01

  Yeah, yeah, exactly. And she's done it looking at productivity too. Like you need to, you need to do a certain task every day on your goal to make your big, you know, the most income is if you do it every time. But you know, if we set different goals and give you different emergency reserves, you can get more productivity from the same workforce, from the same individuals, because they feel like, you know, it's not overwhelming. They see the wiggle room and they're able to keep pushing themselves.

• 43:55Lewis Howes?

  So having the Mulligan method or approach to your.

• 44:02Lewis Howes?

  Recovery from failure strategy is a good strategy is what I hear you say.

• 44:05Speaker 01

  Yes, yes, I think that understanding and appreciating the value of things like cheat meals, emergency reserves, it lets you forgive yourself. And that's the fundamental thing, like failures happen. Understand how to forgive yourself. It can be through flexibility, which we talked about, sort of having the backup plan to the backup plan to the backup plan instead of the if only plan. And it can be with these kinds of sort of thinking about how will I give myself an emergency reserve or a mulligan so that being prepared for life to throw you curveballs in different ways, I think seems really important to success.

• 44:36Lewis Howes?

  How else do we learn how to recover from failure? So we don't beat ourselves up.

• 44:40Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 44:41Lewis Howes?

  Like, I'm a horrible, I'm a loser, I suck, I'm no good, I can never do this because I keep failing over and over again.

• 44:46Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 44:46Lewis Howes?

  I think a lot of us are in beat up mode.

• 44:48Speaker 01

  I think you're right. I think, I think besides these structures that we've talked about, I actually think, I'm going to go back to social because I think that's another thing that helps with recovering from failures. If you have, if you've built your team and your support structures and, you know, recovering from failure also has to do a lot with confidence to know that you can get back up and that there is another chance and that it's okay. I think that that social support can be an important part of recovery as well.

• 45:17Lewis Howes?

  It's so interesting you say that, and I wanted to bring this up earlier when you were talking about your mentor, was his name Max?

• 45:23Speaker 01

  Great memory, yeah.

• 45:25Lewis Howes?

  Well, I take a lot of notes, so I try to remember it that way, otherwise I wouldn't. But where you mentioned that he does something really inter role where he essentially has you coach someone else or kind of coach yourself in, in the question as opposed to him giving the, the advice. Simon Sinek, I'm not sure if you're familiar with him.

• 45:43Speaker 01

  Sure.

• 45:43Lewis Howes?

  I was asking him about, because I believe self doubt is one of the killer of dreams. When we doubt ourselves, it's hard to go after the goals and take the risks and be consistent and all these things and, you know, without the belief at least. And I was asking him, what do you think is a great way to instill belief in someone who doubts himself? And he was like, well, I have a good example. I have this friend of mine who's kind of been doubting her luck for many years. She's very talented and smart, but for whatever reason, she wasn't believing in herself. And I would try to tell her I believe in her and, you know, give her the confidence and say these things, but it just, nothing was working. Then one day I said, you know what? I asked her if she could coach me on something. And she was like, I'm, he was like, I'm actually really struggling with this area of my life.

• 46:27Lewis Howes?

  And I think you're really smart and talented in this. Can you coach me? And him switching it around from giving her advice to saying, will you coach me on helping me improve this? He saw her confidence go through the roof. And so I think it's pretty cool that your mentor does the same with you and your team of colleagues where it's like, okay, you guys coach each other on how you would solve this problem. And it builds that confidence with each other. So I think it's cool in terms of building confidence is we should always be coaching others, even if you feel like you don't believe in yourself.

• 46:58Speaker 01

  Absolutely. And of course, you know, it's, it's this like slightly tricky tight rope to walk in that if you're always coaching others and they don't want it.

• 47:05Lewis Howes?

  Right, right, right.

• 47:06Speaker 01

  Just destroying their confidence. That's one of the things I like about this idea of like advice clubs, circles of friends who all want the coaching from each other. They come and solicit it. And they also, um, you know, so they build each other's confidence in multiple ways by saying, hey, I, I'm, you know, I want your advice. I'm soliciting it. I believe in you. And then you get the chance to coach, but also when you're struggling, you can go to them and solicit advice. So it's this beautiful circle. And I think it's really related to what Simon Sinek was saying.

• 47:33Lewis Howes?

  I love this. I'm excited about all these strategies and the research here. I want people to get your book, How to Change: A Science of Getting From Where You Are to Where You Want to Be. Make sure you guys get a copy of this book, get a few copies. Lots of good strategies for change and transformation. I've got a couple of final questions for you. This is called the three truths question. It's a hypothetical scenario. So I'd like you to imagine you get to live as long as you want to live, but for whatever reason, it's your last day on earth. And you've created and accomplished everything you want to create and accomplish in your life. Many years away from now. But for whatever reason, you've got to take all of your work with you, or it's got to go somewhere else.

• 48:14Lewis Howes?

  All your written work, the audios, the videos, the research papers got to go with you somewhere else. But you get to leave behind on a piece of paper, you get to write down three things you know to be true. From all your lessons in life, whether it be from research and academics or just life lessons. The three things you know to be true that you would want to kind of share with the world, and this is all we would have to remember you by are these three truths or three lessons. What would you say would be those for you?

• 48:42Speaker 01

  Wow, okay. I mean, I think we've talked obviously about a lot of the biggest truths already. I have to pick three. I think number one would be,

• 48:58Speaker 01

  if you want to achieve your potential, if you want to achieve your goals, find a way to make the path to achievement fun. It cannot be painful in the moment. It has to be enjoyable to get there, or else you're not going to persist and achieve as much. So to me, I think that's number one.

• 49:21Speaker 01

  Number two is probably about fresh starts. I think I would want to leave people with the realization that life is full of these moments that give us renewed confidence in ourselves, renewed motivation, a sense of a new beginning and a clean slate. And that by looking for them, by looking for opportunities to create chapter breaks when things aren't going right.

• 49:49Speaker 01

  We can get further. I believe, you know, I'd like to do even more research on this to prove this in a million different ways, but, um, but what we know already is it's clear, these moments arise, they help us pursue our goals. We can call them out and help people achieve more. So the fresh starts are there, they're real, they're coming, and they can give us the opportunities we need to, um, to grow.

• 50:11Lewis Howes?

  Yeah.

• 50:12Speaker 01

  And not, and, and give us that psychological immune system boost that we need. Um, okay. So make it fun, fresh starts. I think my third comes back to what we just talked about, about the importance of flexibility, that, uh, you have to create flexible approaches to achievement, that you cannot be too rigid, that rigidity is the enemy of habit and success, because life throws you curveballs constantly. And, you know, of course, routinization, you know, we all understand that there is sort of a habit loop and when we want to build,

• 50:54Speaker 01

  but, but we have to build it with a recognition of the, the real world and the real constraints we'll face. So I think those are my three.

• 51:01Lewis Howes?

  Those are cool. I like those. Uh, I want to acknowledge you for a moment, Katie, before I ask you the final question. For your commitment to obsessing over this research and figuring out how can I help as many people as possible with the data, with the science, the research studies, and leaving something you loved behind, which is, you know, sports to go all in in school and then continue to be in this pursuit for however many years you've been doing this now and making this your life's mission because it's making a lasting impact on a lot of people. One tool that someone can get from this book or this interview could really support someone in overcoming a lot of pain, a lot of suffering, a lot of dissatisfaction, a lot of being stuck in something, could prevent them from,

• 51:46Lewis Howes?

  uh, you know, dying sooner than they need to, from changing a habit or routine, uh, psychologically or physically. So I really acknowledge you for being committed to your mission and, and doing it in a fun way. I appreciate and acknowledge your, your efforts here. And again, I want people to get your book, How to Change: The Science of Getting From Where You Are to Where You Want to Be by Katie Milkman. I think you'll be very inspired. So make sure you check this out. You are also on social media. Which platform would you say you're on the most?

• 52:16Speaker 01

  Gosh.

• 52:18Lewis Howes?

  That's your go-to.

• 52:19Speaker 01

  Twitter.

• 52:19Lewis Howes?

  Twitter, okay.

• 52:20Speaker 01

  I'm on Twitter the most.

• 52:21Lewis Howes?

  Katie underscore Milkman, right? On Twitter. And you're also Katie Milkman on Instagram and Facebook. You can find you there as well. But Twitter is your go-to. Where you'll be most active. Lurking. Most reactive and active. Yes, exactly. So if you want to connect with Katie.

• 52:38Speaker 01

  Retweeting.

• 52:39Lewis Howes?

  Yeah, if you want to connect with Katie, you'll see a lot of people's comments there. Share this podcast or the YouTube video over on there and tag her and let her know what you enjoyed most about this. You've got a podcast as well called Choiceology with Katie Milkman, right?

• 52:54Speaker 01

  I do.

• 52:55Lewis Howes?

  And so people can check that out. You can go to katiemilkman.com for all more information about the book and all the different things you're up to as well. Anything else that we should be aware of or supportive for you?

• 53:09Speaker 01

  For anyone who's really into the academic stuff, I run this initiative with Angela Duckworth called the Behavior Change for Good Initiative. And we put out a lot of research papers. And so that might be another place people.

• 53:21Lewis Howes?

  Okay.

• 53:22Speaker 01

  People who want to get into the nerdy stuff.

• 53:23Lewis Howes?

  The nerdy data.

• 53:24Speaker 01

  See the data. That's another spot.

• 53:26Lewis Howes?

  Where is that? If they go to katiemilkman.com, is it there?

• 53:28Speaker 01

  They'll find it or bcfg.upeun.edu, University of Pennsylvania. That's another place to find out about our center.

• 53:34Lewis Howes?

  We've got to get Duckworth on here as well.

• 53:36Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 53:37Lewis Howes?

  I've got to get her on. I've had a few people try to make the connection for that. But I think she's not traveling right now.

• 53:42Speaker 01

  She is. She's just getting back up on the road.

• 53:44Lewis Howes?

  Okay, perfect. So it may not happen now.

• 53:46Speaker 01

  Soon. I'm sure you can find her at a time when she's in LA.

• 53:48Lewis Howes?

  Perfect. Okay, Katie, final question. What's your definition of greatness?

• 53:54Speaker 01

  Oh, my goodness. It's such a good question. I should have prepared for this, huh?

• 54:02Speaker 01

  I think my definition of greatness is people who are

• 54:09Speaker 01

  there's a North Star, something, a purpose and meaning and mission that's driving them forward creates greatness to me. And that's when I see someone who has that clear North Star, that purpose, and they've built their life, created the structures to support it, and are sort of leaning towards it in all aspects of themselves. To me, that's greatness. And it can be seasonal, so the North Star can change seasonally. But seeing someone who's really lined up everything because they have that North Star and purpose, that's when I feel like I'm in the presence of greatness.

• 54:45Lewis Howes?

  Love it. Okay, thanks so much. Appreciate it.

• 54:46Speaker 01

  Thank you. This was really fun.

• 54:48Lewis Howes?

  Thank you so much for listening to this episode. I hope you enjoyed it. If you did, please share this and spread the message of greatness. This is all about learning, implementing, and sharing this or teaching this to someone else. So please share this episode and let them know what you enjoyed most about it. Again, if you want to listen to part one, go to lewishouse.com/1151, or just go on your podcast platform of choice and click the episode below so you can hear that. Again, leave us a review. We'd love to hear your thoughts on what part you enjoyed the most, or maybe something that surprised you the most that you're going to take action on in your life. We'd love to hear your thoughts on that. And I want to leave you with a quote from author Shannon L. Adler, who said, "A life out of balance is a person that doesn't believe happiness can be achieved now or in

• 55:32Lewis Howes?

  the future. It is as fleeting as the wind." I want to make sure that you're taking care of yourself, that you're taking care of your life, that you're finding balance when you need to find it. One of the reasons why I continue to do this show after eight and a half years is not sometimes because I need to learn new things, but I need to be reminded of the things I already know and stay accountable to them myself, and constantly be in the conversation. You know, sometimes we need to hear the basics over and over again, so we continue to do the right thing to help us in our life. And I love learning new things. I love learning new ideas, hearing new strategies. But sometimes, we already know a lot of these things, and we just need to be reminded in a new, fresh way of hearing it. So I hope you enjoyed this episode. I hope you got a lot out of this science and the research here. I loved what I'm learning today.

• 56:16Lewis Howes?

  And I want to remind you, if no one has told you lately that you are loved, you are worthy, and you matter. And you know what time it is. It's time to go out there and do something great.