My Husband Is Taking Creepy Photos of Me

On today’s episode, we hear about: A wife creeped out by her husband’s inappropriate behavior A short man struggling to get a date because of his height A woman caught in between her husband and son’s feud Next Steps: 📞 Ask John a question! Call 844-693-3291 or send us a message. 📚 Building a Non-Anxious Life 📝 Anxiety Test 📚 Own Your Past, Change Your Future ❓ Questions for Humans Conversation Cards 💭 John’s Free Guided Meditation 🤘🏼 The Dr. John Delony Show Merch Connect With Our Sponsors: Get 10% off your first month of BetterHelp. Get up to 40% off with code DELONY at Cozy Earth. Get 20% off when you join DeleteMe. Visit Hallow for a 90-day free trial. Visit Helix Sleep for special offers! Explore Poncho Outdoors! Get 25% off your order at Thorne. Explore More From Ramsey Network: 🎙️ The Ramsey Show 💸 The Ramsey Show Highlights 🍸 Smart Money Happy Hour 💡 The Rachel Cruze Show 💰 George Kamel 🪑 Front Row Seat with Ken Coleman 📈 EntreLeadership Ramsey Solutions Privacy Policy Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Speaker names marked ? are inferred from speaking time and the show’s known hosts — they are not voice-verified.

• 0:05Speaker 00

  My husband and I have been married nine years. We've had a lot of ups and downs, like most marriages. I was looking at his laptop in a photos folder. The subject line was "My Love." It was photos of me that were taken without my knowledge, almost like what a stalker would take of somebody.

• 0:21Dr. John Delony?

  You're not gonna like what I'm about to say, okay?

• 0:28Dr. John Delony?

  What up? What's up? What's up? This is John with the Dr. John Deloney Show, taking your calls from all over the planet. I'm sitting here in Nashville, Tennessee, but via the overlords of the technologies, we're able to talk to each other and, man, sit with each other and figure out what's the next right move for your mental and emotional health, your relationships, your kids, your spouses, whatever you've got going on. Go to johndeloney.com/ask, A-S-K, and we will figure out what's the next right move. Let's go out to Asheville, North Carolina, and talk to Ann. Hey, Ann, what's up?

• 1:09Speaker 00

  Hi, how are you? I appreciate you taking my call.

• 1:11Dr. John Delony?

  Of course, I appreciate you calling. Hey, Asheville, you guys, how are y'all recovering right now?

• 1:17Speaker 00

  We're doing okay. We're getting there. We still have a long road ahead of us as far as getting back to where we were, so.

• 1:24Dr. John Delony?

  Well, just Asheville's one of my favorite places in America. And I'm still heartbroken with you, and we're still thinking about you guys.

• 1:33Speaker 00

  Well, thank you.

• 1:33Dr. John Delony?

  You bet. What's up? How can I help?

• 1:36Speaker 00

  So, I do have an important question, but a quick little backstory, I guess, before that.

• 1:43Speaker 00

  My husband and I have been married nine years. We've had a lot of ups and downs, like most marriages. Recently, this, earlier this year, I found out he had been looking at pornography. He claimed it wasn't an addiction, but he was doing it multiple times a day. It was affecting his job. He wasn't bringing in income. So, we've had a lot going on with that. He started to act disconnected again recently. So, I was looking at his laptop and kind of seeing what was going on, noticed he was like doom-scrolling and different things and not working again. I did notice that there was, it was like a click where he was in his email in a photos folder. So, when I clicked on it...

• 2:24Speaker 00

  There was the top email, um, the subject line was my love. And when I clicked on it, I was, it was luckily me, um, which I was honestly relieved. But it was photos of me that were taken without my knowledge, almost like what a stalker would take of somebody. Um, I'm either naked or half naked, getting ready in the bathroom, putting on makeup, curling my hair, but the photos are him taking them from our room without, you know, me knowing from a different room. I'm standing in the closet in some of them. Um, and one of the creepiest ones, I'm actually, I have on a tank top and panties and I'm

• 3:05Speaker 00

  sleeping, but I'm sleeping on my stomach with my leg kind of propped up and he's pulled back the covers and was angling the photo, um, in a weird angle. And it's so violating and disgusting for me, um, to see these, cause and they're creepy. And I just don't, A, I want to know if I'm valid for feeling that way. And B, if, if this has been a repetitive cycle of him doing things like this behind my back, how do I approach this or even attempt to move on or?

• 3:42Speaker 00

  Like, I don't know what I'm trying to say.

• 3:46Dr. John Delony?

  Yeah, dude, I'm so grossed out on your behalf right now. Um, the words-

• 3:51Speaker 00

  Okay, well, this is good for you to at least say that. Valid, it's my favorite.

• 3:55Dr. John Delony?

  You're not gonna like what I'm about to say, okay?

• 3:58Speaker 00

  Mm-hmm.

• 3:58Dr. John Delony?

  But you need to get out of your house as soon as you can.

• 4:03Dr. John Delony?

  Or he needs to get out of the house as soon as possible. Okay?

• 4:07Dr. John Delony?

  Very unsafe situation you're in.

• 4:12Dr. John Delony?

  And you've, you've listened to my show long enough, I rarely say what I'm saying right now.

• 4:17Dr. John Delony?

  Okay? Every one of your concerns and deep fears is 100% valid.

• 4:25Dr. John Delony?

  The level of violation and, um,

• 4:32Dr. John Delony?

  is so grotesque. And I, I don't want to stoke your fears, but I'm just gonna be honest, is that okay?

• 4:38Speaker 00

  Yeah, of course.

• 4:39Dr. John Delony?

  I don't know where he's posting those pictures. I don't know who he's giving those pictures to. I don't know who he's selling those pictures to. I don't know what he's doing with that stuff. And you don't either.

• 4:53Dr. John Delony?

  But to

• 4:54Speaker 00

  Yeah, I was a hater then.

• 4:56Dr. John Delony?

  To, to that level of grotesque violation is so over the top.

• 5:04Dr. John Delony?

  Um, and it's pervasive. It's going on. It's not like you caught him taking a topless photo of you and y'all had a blow up and he was like, you know what I mean? It's not like that.

• 5:14Speaker 00

  Mm-hmm.

• 5:16Speaker 00

  Well, and they're over a period of time too.

• 5:17Dr. John Delony?

  That's what I'm saying.

• 5:18Speaker 00

  They started like four years ago. And there's photos in the same folder, the ones that I've taped, that I sent him, you know, years ago with me lingerie. It's like, look at those.

• 5:27Dr. John Delony?

  I, I know, I know, but listen, listen, listen. It, it, it's not about the, that's not the, the...

• 5:35Dr. John Delony?

  Here's why I'm, I'm, I'm reacting so strongly to this. This isn't about, um... I'm gonna be crass, is that okay? The, the getting off here is not the you unclothed.

• 5:51Dr. John Delony?

  The getting off here, the, the allure here is not a guy looking at hot pictures of his wife.

• 6:01Dr. John Delony?

  The allure here is the, um... The violation.

• 6:08Speaker 00

  Mm-hmm.

• 6:10Dr. John Delony?

  And that's a dangerous place to find yourself, especially in this day and age when those pictures can be anywhere.

• 6:18Dr. John Delony?

  And so there is a radical, radical difference between you taking a topless photo of yourself and sending it to him, which I got no problem with. I mean, it, they could end up anywhere, but I got, that's not an issue. Or y'all mutually taking photo, like, fine. This is something that is in gross violation. And it's hard to think like, if he took these pictures of a neighbor through the window, it's a crime, right?

• 6:48Speaker 00

  Mm-hmm.

• 6:49Dr. John Delony?

  It should be a crime inside your house too.

• 6:54Speaker 00

  Agreed, yeah.

• 6:59Dr. John Delony?

  It's wrong at every level and that's why I've got such a strong gut reaction because this is pervasive violating behavior.

• 7:11Speaker 00

  So how should I approach it? Should I say anything to him?

• 7:14Dr. John Delony?

  Does he know?

• 7:16Speaker 00

  No, he doesn't know that I know yet.

• 7:18Dr. John Delony?

  Okay.

• 7:19Speaker 00

  It's only been like three or four days.

• 7:21Dr. John Delony?

  Okay.

• 7:24Dr. John Delony?

  I would make a copy of the folder is what I would do.

• 7:27Speaker 00

  Yeah, I did.

• 7:28Dr. John Delony?

  Okay, I would make a copy of the folder and I would, if he's safe, if you can have a safe conversation, I would sit across the table from him and say, "I expect you to be out by the end of the day. I gotta figure out what I'm gonna do."

• 7:46Speaker 00

  Okay.

• 7:47Dr. John Delony?

  And again, I'm reacting very strong to this, but let me put it this way, this almost never happens in a vacuum like this.

• 8:01Dr. John Delony?

  Right?

• 8:01Speaker 00

  Yeah, that's true.

• 8:02Dr. John Delony?

  One photo that he snapped of you that you didn't know that you find on his phone?

• 8:09Dr. John Delony?

  Okay, I could hear the, "I just wanted a picture of you while you're out of town." Like, it would be wrong and violating and disgusting and whatever, but I wouldn't react this strongly to that. That'd be a big problem, it'd still be criminal, yada, yada.

• 8:23Dr. John Delony?

  But this is an ongoing secret thing and if you can see where I'm going with this, it's escalating. I always wanna look at trend lines.

• 8:32Speaker 00

  Mm-hmm.

• 8:33Dr. John Delony?

  There's one thing about snapping a picture of you in the closet, there's another thing about snapping a picture of you coming out of the shower, now it's, you're sleeping and he's physically, you see what I'm saying? This is like, it's just, it's moving.

• 8:50Dr. John Delony?

  And that escalatory behavior, dude, yeah, there's, this is a bad deal. It's a bad deal. And the next steps are, I need you to go call a therapist in your area and/or if you have a couple of trusted friends, um, or maybe even an attorney and you ask yourself where you want to take this. Do you need a forensic attorney to go, I mean, a forensic technology person to go through the computer? It's just, you're gonna have to start answering some of these questions for yourself and ask yourself how safe you are.

• 9:23Speaker 00

  True, and luckily I have a good support system.

• 9:26Dr. John Delony?

  Awesome. Awesome. Do, does this happen with money too?

• 9:33Speaker 00

  Yes, that's been most of the struggles in our marriage is he's consistently going behind my back and spending money and doing different things too.

• 9:43Dr. John Delony?

  I would put a freeze on my credit report today so that nobody can open up anything without you knowing.

• 9:54Speaker 00

  Yeah, okay.

• 9:55Dr. John Delony?

  Where else does this show up? This sort of secret, behind your back, alternative world?

• 10:03Speaker 00

  Just like, like little, little lies that I'll catch him in and then big lies.

• 10:10Dr. John Delony?

  Like what?

• 10:10Speaker 00

  Stuff that he'll lie about that's really silly. Like he'll take our daughter somewhere and not, he'll explain the entire day and leave something out and then she'll mention it. It just, it just, over time, it builds his character and so I haven't trusted him in forever.

• 10:26Dr. John Delony?

  Yeah, there's no possible way I'm letting this man take my daughter anywhere.

• 10:34Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 10:35Dr. John Delony?

  Especially if he's taking her out and lying about where they're going.

• 10:39Speaker 00

  Mm-hmm.

• 10:40Dr. John Delony?

  Like that even makes my stomach sick, sick, sick, sick. I didn't want to bring that up here, but that's where I was headed.

• 10:47Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 10:51Speaker 00

  Okay.

• 10:54Dr. John Delony?

  Sorry to drop this on you, but my gut tells me you knew something was way wrong, huh?

• 10:59Speaker 00

  Oh, definitely, yeah. You know, you just kind of have a sense or intuition sometimes. And I think I'm still in shock, honestly.

• 11:07Dr. John Delony?

  There you go. Yeah, and that's fair. When somebody's in shock, you have to get people around you that you trust, that you can say out loud. And if that means a professional, so be it. If there are friends that you trust or family members that you trust. But my expectation for the people who love you is that anybody who's like, "Well, hold on," they're out.

• 11:31Speaker 00

  Mm-hmm.

• 11:31Dr. John Delony?

  Okay? Because right now, I'm seeking safety for myself and for my daughter. And if that means you gotta go, I always like the idea of the offender leaving, but I know that's not so easy sometimes. I hate when somebody hurts somebody in this way, but then you're the one that has to take the kids and leave, right? But I also know that for expediency's sake, that's the way that has to happen sometimes. Have you done a review of your finances?

• 11:59Speaker 00

  Yeah, I do a lot because I'm usually the one that's figuring all that out.

• 12:04Dr. John Delony?

  Okay. So you've got a pretty good sense of where money is coming and where money's going?

• 12:11Speaker 00

  Yeah. And that's, I mean, he's kind of taken advantage of that over the years because I'm the one that provides more on this end. But then that gives me a little bit more confidence with the situation because I know I'll be fine.

• 12:25Dr. John Delony?

  Well, no, I'm wondering, do you have access to like his Venmo and Cash App and things like that? So you would know if there's $50 charges coming in here or $300 coming in there, that kind of thing?

• 12:35Speaker 00

  Usually I just see it come out of our account, but it doesn't say what it is.

• 12:39Dr. John Delony?

  Okay.

• 12:44Dr. John Delony?

  Every alarm system I have is going off right now, Anne.

• 12:48Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 12:54Dr. John Delony?

  And I want to encourage you, A, to always remember you're in the driver's seat with what happens next here.

• 13:04Dr. John Delony?

  And I also want to tell you that I, my hope is that you'll be aggressive, but also I'm not living in your house and in your skin and it's way beyond me to tell you what to do next.

• 13:18Dr. John Delony?

  Just know I'll sit with you and my hope is that whether you take a legal route, which I hope you at least explore, a therapeutic route, a, like whatever you're doing next, that you'll have good people who will be ready to fight because this is, you're in shock and when the shock wears off, there's gonna be a lot of exhaling and a lot of grieving and trauma coming. This is a kind of a violation that will stick with you for a while, so you gotta have some good people around you. I'm so sorry, Anne. Thank you so much for calling and thanks for allowing me to just to be direct and straight with you.

• 13:58Dr. John Delony?

  But every single alarm I have is going off for you, for your daughter, and for God knows who else is involved. So get the help you need, starting ASAP. Thank you so much for calling.

• 14:14Dr. John Delony?

  When we come back, a man asks how to find love when he feels rejected because he's not very tall.

• 14:23Dr. John Delony?

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• 15:06Dr. John Delony?

  life. They wick away sweat, they dry fast, and they hold up to whatever your day throws at you. They come in slim or regular fit, so you can look nice no matter where you happen to find yourself. This fall, look sharp and stay warm in Poncho denims and flannels. Head to ponchooutdoors.com/deloney and get 10 bucks off your first order when you sign up with your email. You can check out a few of my favorites like the Laramie and the Matamoros. Again, that's ponchooutdoors.com/deloney.

• 15:36Dr. John Delony?

  All right, let's roll out to Baltimore, Maryland and talk to the great and powerful Javier. What's up Javier?

• 15:43Speaker 02

  Hi John, can you hear me?

• 15:44Dr. John Delony?

  I can. What's up, brother?

• 15:45Speaker 02

  Not much, man. I'm a big fan. It's a pleasure to be on this call with you today. Thank you for taking it.

• 15:50Dr. John Delony?

  Thank you for calling. What's up, man?

• 15:52Speaker 02

  Wonderful. All right. So I am what people like to call a short king. I am a five foot three.

• 15:59Dr. John Delony?

  How tall are you?

• 16:01Speaker 02

  I'm five foot three.

• 16:02Dr. John Delony?

  Five foot three. How old are you?

• 16:03Speaker 02

  I'm very, I'm 28.

• 16:06Dr. John Delony?

  28. Sweet. Okay?

• 16:08Speaker 02

  Yes. So I'm tall enough. You know, I'm not, but you know, like it's been, like it's not been anything that's really like affected me after much of my life. Like I've been really, well, well, I've known that I've always been short, right? And it hasn't really been an issue. Like people treating me the same. I'm getting jobs and all that. But more recently, I have noticed that's starting to affect me a lot more. Um, like for most of my life, I've learned that I've had to work harder than most people. You know, like people think that I'm younger than I am, so I have to work harder, I have to be stronger, I have to be faster. I have to be tougher, right? But in dating, it's almost

• 16:48Speaker 02

  impossible. And I say that because like most people just want a taller guy.

• 16:54Dr. John Delony?

  Yep.

• 16:55Speaker 02

  And there are most of the calls that I've listened.

• 17:02Speaker 02

  From your show, it's all about attraction. Like I feel attracted to my spouse. I feel attracted to my wife, my husband, or something like that. And I'm just really struggling because I'm so far off the baseline. And like, I'm not a loser. Like I have a job, I travel the world, I run six marathons, I go to the gym six days a week. I have a pretty fun life, I like to think. And I'm getting lots of advice from different quarters that that doesn't sound right to me. So I just want to figure out how to navigate this, or how I can go about this when I feel like it's impossible.

• 17:35Dr. John Delony?

  Yeah. Dude, thanks for calling, man.

• 17:38Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 17:40Dr. John Delony?

  Um.

• 17:44Dr. John Delony?

  Trying to think of the right way to approach this. Um.

• 17:49Dr. John Delony?

  I guess.

• 17:49Speaker 02

  I dumped a lot on you, sorry.

• 17:51Dr. John Delony?

  No, no, no, no, no. You know what? That's where I want to start.

• 17:54Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 17:55Dr. John Delony?

  Okay, listen to me. You are not a burden, brother.

• 17:58Speaker 02

  Thank you.

• 18:00Dr. John Delony?

  And when you find somebody to love and somebody who will love you,

• 18:09Dr. John Delony?

  it will

• 18:14Dr. John Delony?

  it won't be in spite of.

• 18:19Dr. John Delony?

  You know what I mean?

• 18:20Speaker 02

  Yes. Yeah, like lots of the advice. So, some amount of faith. And a lot, like in my church's young adult group, like we just went through a series on marriage and love and all that. And a lot of the advice I've gotten from them, one is that people will feel spiritually attracted to people, or they'll be attracted because of things. And I don't think that's true, because people that I've seen get married or in dating just aren't good people, you know?

• 18:53Speaker 02

  You know, it's like some of the people that I've seen in my church, like are getting married, I'm like are by part of my friends, like kind of are like bad people, you know, like the way he talked to Whitney, oh, he's horrible.

• 19:06Dr. John Delony?

  Yeah.

• 19:06Speaker 02

  And like, oh, gross.

• 19:08Dr. John Delony?

  Okay, let's do this. Let's do this. Let's just forget other people.

• 19:11Speaker 02

  Okay.

• 19:12Dr. John Delony?

  Okay.

• 19:14Dr. John Delony?

  Um, you've been comparing yourself to people for a long, long time. Yes, sir, I have. Okay, and no pun intended, but you keep coming up short, right?

• 19:25Dr. John Delony?

  Yes, sir, I do. Is that fair? Yep. All right, and I only make jokes with my friends that I love, right? Uh huh. Okay, so we, you have to decide I'm done with that part.

• 19:37Dr. John Delony?

  Okay. Okay, cuz here's why, here's why. Um, if you had skinny arms and you're always looking at guys with bigger arms, there's literally a thing you can go do. Uh huh. And so comparison, while frustrating and not super helpful, can be an avenue for change when it comes to how much money you make, when it comes to size of biceps, right, or whatever. And there will be genetic limitations, but fair enough.

• 20:09Dr. John Delony?

  You constantly comparing height is a fool's errand because that's a, that can't change for you. Yeah, it can't. Right? Uh huh. And I would suggest, good.

• 20:27Dr. John Delony?

  Because you have a resilience and a strength and a, I could go on forever. Because you've known from a, from an early age, as you mentioned to me, I'm gonna have to swing harder when I punch, I'm gonna have to show up earlier, I'm gonna have to work harder, I'm gonna have to be more likeable. I'm gonna have to, you've, you've already seen the world as it is, how uncomfortable it is what I'm saying here. And by the way, if you don't struggle with this, what I'm saying sounds harsh. If you do struggle with this, you know exactly what I'm saying cuz it's true. I know the data, women prefer, like on, in, on the whole, a taller guy, right? Yeah. That's what the data says. And dating apps have destroyed this for guys who are less than six feet tall, right?

• 21:12Dr. John Delony?

  Cuz you can just, you can just check a box and it just filters out all these other guys, right? Yeah. And so there is a stark reality, period. And.

• 21:24Dr. John Delony?

  Man, you sound like a pretty freaking amazing guy to me. Thank you, appreciate that. Thank you. But here's the thing, if you walk into every relationship,

• 21:37Dr. John Delony?

  already apologizing for a core tenet of who you are, no one will ever get to know you. They're gonna get to know an apologetic version of you. And that's not attractive.

• 21:53Dr. John Delony?

  It's way less attractive than somebody's height.

• 21:58Dr. John Delony?

  You get what I'm saying? Yeah. And then you, if you're already walking into a situation, you're going to meet somebody and you're like, "I'm short, I'm short, I'm short, I'm short, I'm short." And you shake their hand and you're like, "I'm so sorry that I'm so short." And they're like, "Ugh, I don't like that apologetic..." "This guy runs marathons and he has a good job and he makes a good living and he's a hilarious dude to be around, but he's just so like, like, he's almost embarrassed to be with himself in public." Then that's gonna be a turnoff and you're gonna walk away saying, "She won't like me because I'm too short." And that's gonna reinforce that. You see what I'm saying? Yeah, yeah. Yeah, I see that. I see that entirely. I'm a big tall guy and almost every friend I have is shorter than me.

• 22:43Dr. John Delony?

  Some considerably shorter, some a little bit shorter, some way shorter. And I will tell you, in every one of their cases, confidence is a powerful, powerful thing.

• 22:56Dr. John Delony?

  When it, in terms of attraction.

• 22:59Dr. John Delony?

  And I'm also not gonna lie to you and say, "Life would not be easier if you were six foot three versus five foot three." That's just not true. Yeah, exactly. Right? Yeah, I agree.

• 23:10Dr. John Delony?

  And so there's something about saying, "I'm worth being loved."

• 23:18Dr. John Delony?

  And I'm gonna confidently say, I bring a lot to somebody's life.

• 23:25Dr. John Delony?

  And I, I, once anyone tells me, they're like, we're going through this marriage thing. I think I'm getting bad advice because usually you probably are. And by the way, there are very much spiritual connections. No question about it.

• 23:37Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 23:38Dr. John Delony?

  And if you're able to be alongside somebody in proximity, whether it's at work, whether it's in a faith practice, whether it's just somebody on your street that you see all the time, you can get to quote unquote, know them and have some sort of fun, like humor connection or spiritual connect, like, but most of the time you look across the room and you see somebody and you're like, I think that person's attractive. Period.

• 24:00Speaker 02

  Yeah, exactly.

• 24:01Dr. John Delony?

  Right? And hopefully it's some sort of alchemy of both.

• 24:05Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 24:06Dr. John Delony?

  Or all of it, right? And also I'm an acquired taste when it comes to looks.

• 24:12Speaker 02

  I'm not your favorite guy, man. I'm just saying.

• 24:15Dr. John Delony?

  Well, I appreciate that, but my wife, like, she saw me when we, she was 18 years old. She saw me um, on a stage playing music. And that was the attraction at first.

• 24:29Dr. John Delony?

  Right?

• 24:31Dr. John Delony?

  And then she's like, well, I'll deal with his face. Right? Like, whatever. But, but you see what I'm saying? Like,

• 24:38Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 24:38Dr. John Delony?

  So tell me, I'm meeting you for the first time, Javier.

• 24:44Dr. John Delony?

  Tell me a couple of things that make you a pretty, that you, when you look in the mirror, you're proud about you.

• 24:51Speaker 02

  Yeah. Yeah, like, um,

• 24:56Speaker 02

  um, like I, I work hard, of course. And, um,

• 25:03Speaker 02

  and I, and I just enjoy life. Like, I enjoy running marathons. Like I said, I've been to 40 countries, I think. I've done a lot of crazy things. I like to go inside caves and go spelunking. I like to live like an adventurous life.

• 25:15Dr. John Delony?

  Right?

• 25:17Speaker 02

  I've just been trying to working hard and try to make people happy, I guess.

• 25:23Dr. John Delony?

  Who, who has rejected you? Who has gone out, gone out on a date with you? And said, man, you're, you're the full package. You'll provide for a family. You're, you'll take me on adventures. Um, you will scratch and claw and fight on our behalf, but you know, you're just too short. Who, who has, has that actually happened?

• 25:45Speaker 02

  It has happened like that, but I feel like it just has implicitly or just like it's like it's like an unconscious bias because it's like it's like I hate to compare other people, right? But like I put things like on a list, right? And like the only thing that I can think of like that is different for me based on someone else is my height. That is the only thing I can think of.

• 26:12Dr. John Delony?

  Fair.

• 26:13Speaker 02

  Like I can't think of anything else. I tried logicating this problem out. I've tried to do like the old like pressure and like like like boomer dead like discipline thing like oh like try and work hard and logic this thing, but I can't think of it. And this is the only thing I can think of that's like holding me back. And that spark of like attraction that makes, you know, like that side glance, like or that look that they give, like it doesn't happen to me.

• 26:38Dr. John Delony?

  Hmm.

• 26:39Speaker 02

  And I feel like I get friend zoned really fast because I'm just not like I'm so far off the baseline and that's what makes it hard. Like I don't have much experience because of that. Like I never really did in high school. I did a couple people in college, but it didn't really work out. And yeah, so I don't have much experience in how this works because it doesn't really happen for lack of a better term, which hurts, but that's just how it is, I guess.

• 27:06Dr. John Delony?

  And I actually want to challenge two things. One positive and one is going to make every listener cringe, okay?

• 27:13Speaker 02

  Okay.

• 27:14Dr. John Delony?

  I don't think it's always implicit bias. I think there are people that look at someone who's five foot three and that is very conscious bias.

• 27:22Speaker 02

  Hmm.

• 27:23Dr. John Delony?

  Okay?

• 27:24Speaker 02

  Mm hmm.

• 27:26Dr. John Delony?

  I don't think it's like, well, I just don't know what it is. Like I think people think inside their minds, I only want to date a guy who's this tall.

• 27:33Speaker 02

  Yeah, that's true.

• 27:34Dr. John Delony?

  Okay, so I don't want you to think that people don't know. They do.

• 27:38Speaker 02

  Yeah, they do. They definitely do.

• 27:40Dr. John Delony?

  Right? And how old are you?

• 27:42Speaker 02

  I'm 28.

• 27:43Dr. John Delony?

  28. I just recorded another show about an hour ago and I was talking to a 28 year old or 29 year who's struggling with trying to find attraction.

• 27:55Speaker 02

  Mm hmm.

• 27:56Dr. John Delony?

  And what's happening in the current dating world, if you're not using apps, okay? Apps, by the way, are a nightmare. They are. They're lunacy, right? But, um, everyone takes the thing that they're most self-conscious of, or the actual thing, weight, height, big nose, breasts too small, um, hair, losing hair, like whatever thing has haunted you your whole life, it becomes the lenses by which you see the entire world.

• 28:29Dr. John Delony?

  And so every reason you don't have the thing that you're hoping for, um, is the, is, is because of that. Listen to this crazy thing, okay? They did a study where they took these women, and they said, they told the women, "We're gonna go, and we're going to study the bias of people who are interviewing." Okay? And they brought in makeup artists, and they gave these women scars with makeup, like facial disfigurements. And they told the women, "We're gonna go in there, y'all gonna apply for jobs, and we want y'all to come back and report on bias, on uncomfortable things they said and all that." Okay? At, right before the interview started, the makeup artists came back in to touch up these folks,

• 29:15Dr. John Delony?

  but they took the scars away.

• 29:19Dr. John Delony?

  And so these women were not disfigured. They sent them into the interviews, and the women came back reporting way out of whack, um, bias, awful things that were said, um, judgments, etc. Okay? So here's the more, there's, there's a lot of findings here, but here's the main moral of the story. Whatever you think the person across the table is thinking about you,

• 29:49Dr. John Delony?

  it's how you're gonna hear everything they say, it's how you're gonna interpret every action they take. It's gonna be the lens by which you view the world. And so when you sit down with somebody, when you meet somebody, when you're hanging out with a group of people, the lenses that you're wearing are, "I'm short, I'm short, I'm short, I'm short, I'm short." Not, "Dude, I'm a great hard worker. I would figure out a way to take all you guys down. I run marathons, I travel." That, those aren't the lenses that you wear. As though, "Any of you would be super lucky to be with me." Right, the only thing you're wear- the only glasses you're wearing on, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I have this thing about me I can't fix.

• 30:32Dr. John Delony?

  And that in and of itself is very unattractive.

• 30:38Dr. John Delony?

  And so, I want to confirm for you, yes, the data says that women in large masses, this is not generalizable to everybody, if they're checking boxes, would check a taller guy. You're right. That's a true statement. Okay? And

• 30:56Dr. John Delony?

  and

• 30:58Dr. John Delony?

  confidence is a powerful, attractive thing.

• 31:04Dr. John Delony?

  Stability, adventure, discipline, those are incredibly attractive things.

• 31:10Dr. John Delony?

  So my challenge for you is to begin entering into some of these spaces, even if you get a pair of glasses that are just windows, that you literally put on a pair of glasses when you walk in to remind yourself, I'm a pretty amazing guy. And if you don't want to be with me because you think I'm too short, that's fine.

• 31:29Dr. John Delony?

  You get what I'm saying?

• 31:31Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah. I understand.

• 31:34Dr. John Delony?

  And none of that helps at all, does it?

• 31:37Speaker 02

  No, no, no.

• 31:39Dr. John Delony?

  I mean, here's the thing, I know it doesn't, and I know you're gonna face a ton of discrimination, and I hate it for you.

• 31:44Speaker 02

  That's what it is. No, it's like a cop- yeah, no, it's like I've always been told that that I have a pretty big personality, and in my group of always like working in the room and talking with people.

• 31:57Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 31:58Dr. John Delony?

  But how often do you end that big personality with, hey, gonna take you out for coffee tomorrow?

• 32:05Speaker 02

  Not that often.

• 32:06Dr. John Delony?

  Okay, shoot your shot, brother.

• 32:12Dr. John Delony?

  Because here's the thing, you're going home empty-handed anyway with no dates.

• 32:16Speaker 02

  Exactly.

• 32:19Dr. John Delony?

  You might as well take some shots, right?

• 32:21Speaker 02

  Uh huh, yeah. You make a good point there.

• 32:26Dr. John Delony?

  And by the way, um, I don't know a person, I literally don't know a person who's not still insecure.

• 32:37Dr. John Delony?

  You know what I mean? I just don't, I don't know that person. Um, and so I, I want, here's what I want to communicate to you. You're not crazy.

• 32:47Dr. John Delony?

  There is a tremendous discrimination towards shorter men. There just is. And, um,

• 32:56Dr. John Delony?

  also, I don't know anybody who doesn't look in the mirror and wish they looked differently. I just don't. And everybody has to wade through, you're gonna have to punch through harder, but everyone has to wade through discomfort and saying, hey, would you like to go out on a date with me?

• 33:12Dr. John Delony?

  And the way the apps are designed, they are able to just filter out millions, if not billions, of amazing people from amazing relationships that would have otherwise organically happened if someone had just had the courage to say, hey, you want to go out and grab some coffee? And the other person said, yeah, I will. And you'll laugh and you have a good time and you say, man, that person wasn't my type, but dude, I'm having a great time.

• 33:43Dr. John Delony?

  And me and my wife, when we met, we were not each other's type by a thousand miles. And that was almost 30 years ago. So for whatever that's worth. Brother, you are awesome, awesome, awesome. Thank you for your call. Thank you for, um, laughing with me and thank you for just being vulnerable and honest. I'm gonna tell you, change those glasses. Change how you walk into a room and then shoot your shot, brother. Start asking people out in person. And if there's nothing doing, call me back in six months. And we'll, uh, we'll go to round two. I'm grateful for you, man. When we come back, a woman asks how to support her husband and their son when they are not speaking.

• 34:27Dr. John Delony?

  All right, let's get cozy. You know that I love adventures and it's the fall and I like being out and about in the woods, but I'm telling you, by the end of the day, when I get home, I'm ready to shut it down. And when I do, I want my bed soft, I want everything cool and ridiculously comfortable, and that's exactly what Cozy Earth Sheets deliver. Their amazing bamboo sheets are super breathable, they regulate temperature, and they wick away heat and moisture. I sleep cooler and more comfortable with Cozy Earth Sheets. And it's not just me, my entire family is hooked on them. And we also got this Cozy Earth cuddle blanket thing, we all fight over it. It's ridiculous, it's ultra soft, it's plush, and it's got some weight to it without being

• 35:12Dr. John Delony?

  too heavy. It's like an anxiety blanket combined with a hug from your grandmother all at the same time. It's amazing. Cozy Earth can help you build a space that's a retreat for you and your family, just like they've done for me and my family. Go to cozylearth.com/deloney and use code DELONY for 40% off. And if you get a post-purchase survey, tell them you heard about Cozy Earth right here on the Dr. John Deloney Show. That's cozylearth.com/deloney and use code DELONY to save 40% off. All right, let's go to Denver, Colorado, home of the secret airport, and talk to Elizabeth. What's up, Elizabeth?

• 35:51Speaker 03

  Hi, Dr. John.

• 35:52Dr. John Delony?

  What's up?

• 35:53Speaker 03

  How are you?

• 35:54Dr. John Delony?

  I'm great, how about you?

• 35:55Speaker 03

  Okay, thanks for talking with me.

• 35:57Dr. John Delony?

  Of course.

• 35:58Speaker 03

  I appreciate everything you do.

• 35:59Dr. John Delony?

  Appreciate you, how can I help?

• 36:01Speaker 03

  I fell caught in the middle between my husband and my son. My son's 22, and he is mad at his dad, and the relationship's been strained for a while, but since my son moved out about four or five months ago, he basically wants to go no contact and has really been not communicating with my husband at all.

• 36:27Speaker 03

  It's a little bit more complicated because they both work off our property. So they do see each other, interact with each other, but you know, pass each other. But there's a strain in the interaction and I'm sort of getting both sides of it.

• 36:43Dr. John Delony?

  Who's right?

• 36:44Speaker 03

  I don't want to be caught in the middle. Honestly, I can see both of their sides.

• 36:48Dr. John Delony?

  Okay.

• 36:49Speaker 03

  I, I have compassion for my son because I do understand that he needed more from his dad than his dad gave him. But I do understand that my husband's tried really hard.

• 36:58Dr. John Delony?

  Yeah.

• 36:59Speaker 03

  And um, wants to make it better, wants to, wants to make wrongs right. And I, I really honestly get to see both of their sides, which is so tough. But I don't support no contact. I, I do want my son to work through it.

• 37:13Dr. John Delony?

  What, what, what brought your son to such a drastic like boundary?

• 37:21Speaker 03

  Well, he's really pissed at him for.

• 37:24Dr. John Delony?

  For what? Like what was the thing that happened?

• 37:29Speaker 03

  I felt like, I felt like it was a combination of things that happened. And then when he moved out of the house, it was sort of just easier not to have to deal with it. He's mad at him because when he was growing up, my husband definitely was a yeller. So you know, he would come home and yell, that doesn't work for anybody. And that causes a lot of resentment. He's mad about Adam for how he treated me, like for yelling and stuff like that. Um, because my husband owns a business and my son worked with him for many, many years, including like the first year after high school. And he would be, you know, stern and yelling at, at the crew. And then my son would be there. That would be embarrassing for him. And you know, he wanted his dad just to behave better.

• 38:11Dr. John Delony?

  Sure.

• 38:11Speaker 03

  So.

• 38:12Dr. John Delony?

  So why does your son keep showing up in his, like working at the same place? If he wants to be a grown man and cut ties, why doesn't he be a grown man and cut ties?

• 38:20Speaker 03

  Well, he has, he started, he has his own business. He doesn't work with him anymore. But they, both of the businesses are based on our property. They don't, they don't work in the same place anymore, the same business. They both own their own.

• 38:33Dr. John Delony?

  But.

• 38:33Speaker 03

  In different fields.

• 38:34Dr. John Delony?

  But your, your husband owns the property?

• 38:37Speaker 03

  Oh yeah, we own it. Yeah.

• 38:40Dr. John Delony?

  Well, if, if, if my son thinks I'm such a bad person, and by the way, the way your husband acted, you're right, it was ridiculous, stupid. He acted like a child, right?

• 38:51Speaker 03

  He did.

• 38:52Dr. John Delony?

  And your son is right to be upset with his dad, but

• 38:56Dr. John Delony?

  if I'm gonna be a grown man and put up boundaries, then I'm gonna accept the responsibilities of my boundaries.

• 39:04Speaker 03

  Which is not to work on the property?

• 39:05Dr. John Delony?

  Yeah. I would be tough and hard, then I'd be tough and hard.

• 39:10Speaker 03

  I don't, I honestly like having him there, that's why I get to see him.

• 39:14Dr. John Delony?

  Because you, here's what, you have some guilt and shame.

• 39:17Speaker 03

  I do, and I really, I really did try hard. I mean, I, I do have a nice relationship with him, but I, I do feel bad about, I do feel bad about repeating, I feel like I repeated some of the pattern of my own dad who chose work over family and that kind of stuff.

• 39:36Dr. John Delony?

  And there's part of you that feels guilty that I should have protected him, I should have got in the middle of it, I should have, I should have, I should have, I should have. And all those things may even be, all of them may be true, probably not, but, but all we can deal with is right now.

• 39:50Speaker 03

  Right.

• 39:50Dr. John Delony?

  So here, here's what I, I always recommend to folks caught in the, in the, what I would call getting triangulated in your situation.

• 39:59Dr. John Delony?

  I would tell my husband, that's my son, and we go out for lunch or breakfast once a week, and you can whine all you want, but that's my son, and you're not getting in the middle of that. And I would tell my son, that's my husband, and he screwed up, and he is working his butt off to change and not yell, and I believe in forgiveness, and I believe in transformation, redemption, and I'm giving him that shot. And so if you want to be a grown up boy and just talk trash, you're not gonna talk trash about my husband in front of me, especially not when he's trying this hard to change.

• 40:29Speaker 03

  Okay, that'd be more, more of a boundary with my son.

• 40:34Dr. John Delony?

  Like, and you could tell him, you don't get to talk that way about my husband. If you want to badmouth your dad, while you're still working on his property, by the way, it's, I mean, it's kind of like the dog with the, with the loud, the little dog with the loud bark who has the huge dog right behind it, like, cool, it's easy to talk, it's easy to run your mouth when you're not paying rent. But alas, right? Um, but you don't get to talk bad about my husband. He screwed up. It should have been different. It wasn't, and you have a choice now. Do you want to be a part of making it better? Or do you want to go do your own thing? You're 22 years old.

• 41:13Speaker 03

  So I got you. I feel like now that you're saying this, that I'm still stuck in that like younger kid mom mode.

• 41:20Dr. John Delony?

  You are.

• 41:21Speaker 03

  Where I want to try to make it better for him and under help him to process it and like move through it, but.

• 41:27Dr. John Delony?

  He's not interested. He's interested in, in two things. Differentiation, which is age appropriate. 22 year old men should be flexing their muscles against their 50 year old dads. That's normal, right?

• 41:38Speaker 03

  Okay.

• 41:39Dr. John Delony?

  Um, that's that, that sort of tension, especially in the modern world, isn't a thing to be scared of. Um, there's, there's a nat- natural, I have to find my place.

• 41:51Speaker 03

  Okay.

• 41:52Dr. John Delony?

  I personally in my house am doing a ton of work on my end where like since my son was a little boy, making sure he knows that I love him deeply and I hug him. And I look him in the eye and tell him I'm proud of him. And now that he's older, I send him messages on a regular basis. I, I want him to know when this differentiation happens. And by the way, he's 15, it's already happening in my house right now.

• 42:16Speaker 03

  Right.

• 42:16Dr. John Delony?

  I want him to know we are two separate men. I'm a separate man and you're growing into a separate man, but I will always be on your team.

• 42:27Speaker 03

  Okay.

• 42:27Dr. John Delony?

  And so it makes that separation not one of combativeness, but one of partnership. But so be it. So that part, a 22 year old trying to flex and see, I want to do the things my way now. That's normal.

• 42:41Dr. John Delony?

  What's not normal, or what's, what's coming from a place of hurt is I have to bad mouth my dad and trash him some, I'm telling the truth, but I'm still trashing him in an effort to make my tiny 22 year old manly self feel a little bit taller. And you're not going to do that on my dime. You're not going to do that on my husband.

• 43:05Speaker 03

  So it's okay to set that boundary and not, yeah, okay.

• 43:08Dr. John Delony?

  But, but, but, but do it from a place of truth. So your son doesn't feel insane.

• 43:14Speaker 03

  Okay.

• 43:15Dr. John Delony?

  And here's what it would look like in real life. Hey, son, I'm taking you out. We're gonna start going to um lunch or breakfast every week together.

• 43:23Dr. John Delony?

  I'm your mama and we're gonna do that. Mom, I'm too, no, I'm your mom, we're doing that. If you're working on my property, you have to have lunch with me, my rules. Fine. And then at that first lunch, after you've established this is gonna be an ongoing thing, say, hey, the way your dad yelled and treated us growing up was wrong.

• 43:43Dr. John Delony?

  And it was wrong that I let it go on and I'm sorry. The way your dad embarrassed you when you were working for him after, after high school, that was wrong. And I'm watching a man in real time work his butt off to change. You don't have to be a part of that, but I'm not gonna let you run down dad anymore in front of me. You're gonna have to find new people to complain to.

• 44:06Speaker 03

  And I guess I, that brings up a little bit of fear as if he'll go back for me.

• 44:10Dr. John Delony?

  He just might, he just might.

• 44:12Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 44:13Dr. John Delony?

  But, but listen, any other

• 44:19Dr. John Delony?

  the relationship you're trying to prop up is a facade. And if it's based off of bashing somebody that you go home to every night,

• 44:27Dr. John Delony?

  that's not a real relationship.

• 44:31Speaker 03

  Okay.

• 44:32Dr. John Delony?

  Okay. And so here's, here's what we're trying to do. I'm trying to tell my son, I'm gonna walk alongside you and I'm your mom, I'll always be your mom, I'm always gonna love you. And he, he may say, I'm not coming to breakfast anymore. And you can say, I'm gonna be here.

• 44:44Speaker 03

  Okay.

• 44:44Dr. John Delony?

  And I love you, and I always will love you, and I hope you'll be here too. And I hope at some point, um forgiveness is not for your dad, forgiveness is for you, because every morning waking up in your shoes has to be exhausting. Cause you wake up angry.

• 45:00Speaker 03

  Okay.

• 45:01Dr. John Delony?

  And you know what that's gonna turn him into? Someone who yells at people.

• 45:05Speaker 03

  I know. I totally agree with you. I totally agree with that one. I have been worried about that one.

• 45:11Dr. John Delony?

  He won't do this, but here's the exercise that I always do when I'm sitting with somebody in person. I hand them a brick.

• 45:19Dr. John Delony?

  And I say, hey, who's carrying this? The person who hurt you or you? Cause this is your rage.

• 45:26Dr. John Delony?

  Set it down, man.

• 45:27Speaker 03

  Yeah, set it down, right.

• 45:29Dr. John Delony?

  Or if you want to carry it cool, and then you and your husband can have broader conversations. Now, be honest, if your husband's not changing, if he's still yelling and screaming at everybody and kicking and moaning, you have to make grown up decisions about, that's just him. I'm going to choose to live here, I'll love you either way, or I'm going to start drawing my own boundaries. I'm tired of you yelling and screaming. Stop. You cost us our relationship with our son. I'm not doing it anymore. You get to, you get to begin to make some of those boundaries. Anytime you put up a boundary, there's always a right and honest fear that someone's going to see that boundary or meet that boundary and they're going to go the other way. And as adults, they get to do that. And you said it best, Elizabeth, you're

• 46:11Dr. John Delony?

  still trying to treat him and comfort him as though he's a child and he's not. He's a grown man making grown man decisions.

• 46:22Dr. John Delony?

  But when it comes to triangulating, I, I'm backing out of that nonsense. I'll tell everybody, you're welcome in my house. Whoever comes over first is welcome in my house. And I'll talk to you and listen to you, but I'm not going to talk bad about you in front of the other person. It's not going to. It's the best way to keep yourself whole and good. And by the way, it's the best way to preserve that relationship over time for everyone. Thank you so much for the call, Elizabeth. You're awesome. Time for that 22-year-old to find out the full weight of the responsibilities he's asking for. And can I just say kudos to your husband for saying, you know what, I did this wrong. I acted like a child my whole life, yelling and screaming at kids and at my wife and at coworkers. And it was

• 47:06Dr. John Delony?

  stupid and immature and I'm done with that life. And I'm going to grow up. Good for him. Tell legacies change, man. Tell legacies change. I'm all about redemption. Thanks for the call. We'll be right back.

• 47:20Dr. John Delony?

  All right, Kelly, am I the problem?

• 47:23Speaker 04

  All right, so we have a question from Paul in Cincinnati, Ohio. Paul writes, "My daughter has expressed an interest in riding the bus this year. She's going into the third grade, and ever since preschool, we've been driving her instead of her taking the bus. I brought this up with my wife, who said she would ask other local moms about their experiences. I tried to calm her fears by offering to pay for a tile and to get Life 360, and that if bullying ever became a problem, we'd go back to driving. When I talked to her about it, she suffers from anxiety, so I get a lot of questions like, "What if the bus breaks down? What if she forgets her backpack at school, so I can't track her location?" It's gotten to the point where I get frustrated trying to fight her anxiety over it, that I dropped the issue.

• 48:06Speaker 04

  Am I the problem for my daughter, for wanting my daughter to take the bus?

• 48:11Dr. John Delony?

  No, no. And I hesitate to call any of this a problem. I think it's just, um, I don't know. It's everybody's lived experience all at the same time. The funny, I think he's the funniest working comedian out right now. His name's Derek Stroup. He has a great bit on, "The bus was the internet before the internet." And the further back you went on the bus...

• 48:34Speaker 04

  The dark web.

• 48:35Dr. John Delony?

  It's the dark web, yeah. And he's like...

• 48:37Speaker 04

  I've seen that one.

• 48:38Dr. John Delony?

  "In no place should third graders be on the same bus as 10th graders," right? So, I mean, when it comes to bus riding, it depends, right? Is it age-specific, whatever? When it comes to buses breaking down, yeah, I don't have any concerns about that at all, because there's... I used to drive a bus with high school kids. Like, there's mech, I mean, there's people to call, etc. That's when someone needs to work on their anxiety issues, the bigger control issues. But I don't fault your wife for being concerned that she's putting her three-year-old daughter, I mean, it's the three, her third-grade daughter, on a bus. And I don't fault you for saying, "Dude, the bus is going to the school, it's fine." Especially if it's age-appropriate on the bus, that kind of thing.

• 49:22Dr. John Delony?

  I guess the bigger, like, if I have a problem here, it's letting the third grader dictate

• 49:29Dr. John Delony?

  how I get to school or not. Mom and dad decide what's the best thing for that kid, not that third grader. And if the third grader wants to try, like, I actually want to, like, smoke on the way to school because it'll make me feel better. You're not going to do that, right? So if a kid says, I really want to try the bus, maybe once a week, but I like dropping you off. It's an important time for us to be in the car. It's not a big deal for us when it comes to getting to work on time, et cetera. I wouldn't let the kid drive that. But also, I like the idea of your kids wanting to experience something and not feeling like the weirdo kid. Um, and if it's like my daughter, you may be a dad who's a little bit dramatic when you drop your kid off and she gets embarrassed and runs away.

• 50:13Dr. John Delony?

  Dude, I'm the worst to drop off.

• 50:16Dr. John Delony?

  Like now, when I'm pulling in, my daughter will be like, Dad, don't. Just whatever you're about to do, don't. I'm like, what? You mean turn the music up and sing her lunch? She's like, Dad, don't, Dad, don't. It's awesome. But she doesn't like me dropping her off anymore because I was a little bit much. So I, that's a, I don't know. What do you think?

• 50:31Speaker 04

  My kids took the bus because they wanted to. And, um, so I don't have a problem with it at all.

• 50:38Dr. John Delony?

  Yeah.

• 50:38Speaker 04

  Now, there was a year, it was a weird thing that happened for a little while where they were taking middle school and elementary kids at the same time.

• 50:48Dr. John Delony?

  Yeah.

• 50:48Speaker 04

  And I had, mine were in elementary. And we, we stopped taking the bus for that period of time because I didn't think they needed to be on the bus together.

• 50:55Dr. John Delony?

  Yeah.

• 50:55Speaker 04

  I remember middle school. And so my, like, third grader didn't need to be on with them. But overall, um, they've taken the bus. And I mean, I have a handicapped daughter who, she had to take, uh, for quite a few years, coming home from her after-school program, a city bus that was made for handicapped people. And we put mechanisms in place. She had a phone, you know, different things like that. She texts us when she got on the bus and then... So I get there being a ner-, you know, something nervous, but you gotta let them

• 51:24Dr. John Delony?

  Yeah.

• 51:25Speaker 04

  fly a little bit.

• 51:25Dr. John Delony?

  Yeah. So yeah, do what's best for you and your wife. And if there is an anxiety issue, a broader one, my guess is it's not only related to the bus. I bet it's happening in other places. And that's something that's worthy of going to talk to a counselor about, or talking to a therapist about. If you guys just want to let your daughters spread her wings a little bit as a third grader, just say on Tuesdays, you take the bus, or Thursdays, you take the bus, and we'll try it out for a while. And like Kelly said, if it's mixed ages, I got, that's probably not a wise thing. But depending on if you may be in a rural community, that's all you got. And as for my house, I love those times when I get to

• 52:06Dr. John Delony?

  drop my kids off in the mornings. It's just precious time for me. So every house is different. I just wouldn't let a third grader dictate the house. So, but I don't see that's a problem. I see it just as a bigger, everybody's doing the best they can. So get to the roots there. Love you guys. Stay at school. Bye.