Christina P!

Are You Garbage presents stand up comedian and podcast host Christina P! You know Christina Pazsitzky from stand up comedy, Your Mom's House w/ Tom Segura, the Joe Rogan Experience, Kill Tony, TigerBelly, Where My Mom's At?, The Tim Dillon Show, 2 Bears 1 Cave, First Date with Lauren Compton and so much more! Thanks for watching AYG Comedy Podcast. Love youse guys. Come to a live show! AYG 2025 Tour Tickets: https://punchup.live/areyougarbage/tickets Live Shows: https://punchup.live/areyougarbage/tickets PATREON: https://www.patreon.com/AreYouGarbage MERCH: https://areyougarbage.com/ Sponsored By: Tushy: 10% off your first bidet order at https://HelloTUSHY.com with promo code GARBAGE Lucy Goods: http://lucy.co/garbage Pretty Litter: Go to https://PrettyLitter.com/garbage to save twenty percent on your FIRST order and get a free cat toy. Mando: Control Body Odor ANYWHERE with @shop.mando and get $5 off your Starter Pack (that’s over 40% off) with promo code GARBAGE at https://shopmando.com! Comedians H. Foley and Kevin Ryan are self proclaimed GARBAGE. Each week a new stand up comedian gets put to the test. Steal shampoo from hotels? Own a George Foreman Grill? Ever worn JNCO Jeans? Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Speaker names marked ? are inferred from speaking time and the show’s known hosts — they are not voice-verified.

• 0:00H. Foley?

  Kip, you see this? We got this Route 66 special dropping.

• 0:03Speaker 01

  You ain't lying, big man. We got the live shows from every city on the tour, plus the boys on the bus seeing this great country of ours. It's dropping February 25th on our YouTube page. Make sure you tune into the live premiere.

• 0:16Speaker 02

  Welcome to another exciting edition of Are You Garbage? The show where you find out if your favorite comedians are classy individuals or absolute trash. Now, here are your hosts, Kevin Ryan and H. Foley.

• 0:36H. Foley?

  Hey, everybody out there, and welcome back to everybody's favorite podcast. This is Are You Garbage?

• 0:41Speaker 01

  Oh, yeah.

• 0:42H. Foley?

  It's that little show we sit down with your favorite comedians, and we find out if they're good to be classy.

• 0:46Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 0:46H. Foley?

  Or if they're just a big ol' piece of trash.

• 0:48Speaker 01

  Trash, trash, trash.

• 0:49H. Foley?

  I'm your host, H. Foley, coming at you on a beautiful day. We're down here in Tejas.

• 0:54Speaker 01

  Woo-hoo.

• 0:54H. Foley?

  Texas, baby. Austin D., Tootie South, she's out doing a little speculating.

• 0:59Speaker 01

  Okay.

• 1:00H. Foley?

  Want to be a landman down here.

• 1:01Speaker 01

  All right.

• 1:02H. Foley?

  She likes that Billy Bob Thornton. We're down here in Austin, Texas. My co-host is coming at you from right next to me. He is the CEO of Are You Garbage?

• 1:08Speaker 01

  What?

• 1:08H. Foley?

  He is an international businessman and my best pal in the whole wide world. Give it up for KJ, Kevin James Ryan, everybody.

• 1:14Speaker 01

  What up, everybody? Thanks for tuning in. As always, please make sure you review, subscribe on iTunes. Full video available on YouTube and now Spotify. Shout out to it.

• 1:21H. Foley?

  Video on Spotify.

• 1:22Speaker 01

  Uh, the specials drop in February 25th. Make sure you subscribe to the YouTube page, the whole nine yards. We love yous.

• 1:27H. Foley?

  Yeah, we love you. And gang, we couldn't be more excited to have our incredibly, and I mean incredibly special guest here with us today for the first time.

• 1:35Speaker 03

  Thank you.

• 1:35H. Foley?

  She is a very funny, very successful stand-up comedian, podcaster, writer, producer, and small business owner. And you might have seen her in Not Limited Too. You got Last Comic Standing, you got Chelsea Lately.

• 1:47Speaker 03

  Oh, my God.

• 1:47H. Foley?

  You got World's Dumbest, The Regenerates.

• 1:49Speaker 03

  Those are deep cuts.

• 1:50H. Foley?

  Lights Out with David Spade. Let's not forget 2019's Countdown. How you doing? Oscar Snub right there. All right? Is It Cake? W T F, The Comedy Store. She has not one, but two amazing specials streaming on Netflix. Mother Inferior and Mom Jeans. And of course, she is the co-host of Your Mom's House and... The co-owner and operator of the industry titan YMH Studios. But the big question, buddy's mind today, is she garbage? First guest to ever come in here, straight from the ER.

• 2:22Speaker 01

  I mean, that's a first.

• 2:24H. Foley?

  With stitches. Ladies and gentlemen, give it up for Christina P.

• 2:27Speaker 03

  Yes, thank you.

• 2:28H. Foley?

  Let's go. Talk about the duality of man. Look at that. The rock on the finger with the ace bandage wrapped around it.

• 2:37Speaker 03

  I know.

• 2:38H. Foley?

  What happened?

• 2:39Speaker 03

  Well, first of all, I'm so excited to be here.

• 2:42Speaker 01

  Thank you.

• 2:43Speaker 03

  My husband has told me forever to come on this show and do it because he is sure that I will be the garbageiest guest.

• 2:49Speaker 01

  You're gonna be up there, most requested guest, and it's not even close.

• 2:52Speaker 03

  So the hand, okay, so we live in Texas, there's snakes in the backyard. This morning I found a copperhead.

• 2:59H. Foley?

  A poisonous snake?

• 3:01Speaker 03

  Yes.

• 3:01H. Foley?

  We're not talking about a gardener's snake or something like that.

• 3:03Speaker 03

  No.

• 3:03H. Foley?

  Copperheads in the backyard.

• 3:05Speaker 03

  They're everywhere.

• 3:06H. Foley?

  What are you doing back there?

• 3:07Speaker 03

  Well, you play with the kids in the morning before school.

• 3:10Speaker 01

  You gotta move, this is nuts.

• 3:12Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 3:12H. Foley?

  That's crazy.

• 3:14Speaker 03

  They don't leave, so what I do is I pick them up, I milk them, which I learned to do in Australia when I did road rules in the 90s.

• 3:21Speaker 01

  Sure.

• 3:22Speaker 03

  And I go to milk.

• 3:22Speaker 01

  I mean, you casually say that, what does that look like and what, you're like, nobody's like, oh yeah, you're just milking copperheads that you find?

• 3:28H. Foley?

  That's crazy.

• 3:29Speaker 03

  Yeah, so I pick it up and you get a glass and you just, you pop it onto the edge of the glass and the venom comes out.

• 3:37Speaker 01

  Like Steve Irwin would do.

• 3:38Speaker 03

  Yeah, and I go to do it, I go to grab its neck because I've secured it, because you put like a rod and you secure the head. I pick it up and it got me. It got me right there.

• 3:48H. Foley?

  Wait, you got bit?

• 3:49Speaker 01

  I was told you got cut.

• 3:51Speaker 03

  No, no.

• 3:52H. Foley?

  You have an active snake bite right now?

• 3:55Speaker 03

  Yeah, of course.

• 3:55H. Foley?

  Did you get anti-venom or whatever?

• 3:57Speaker 03

  Yes, and it's gonna make me a little sleepy, so if I drift off.

• 4:02H. Foley?

  Wait, you're fucking with this, right? You sprained your hand at the gym.

• 4:04Speaker 03

  Of course I'm fucking.

• 4:05Speaker 01

  Okay.

• 4:06H. Foley?

  You son of a bitch.

• 4:07Speaker 01

  Jesus Christ, dude.

• 4:09H. Foley?

  Man, I believe.

• 4:12H. Foley?

  You gotta be kidding. I believe that a hundred percent. Cause there are snakes and spiders down here. That's why you'll never find my fat ass living here.

• 4:19Speaker 03

  No, I'll tell you what really happened. Okay, so my kids are garbage.

• 4:22Speaker 01

  Was that yoga?

• 4:22Speaker 03

  Yeah, no. No, it's kind of a garbagey, garbagey thing. So like, my two sons play with knives all the time.

• 4:30Speaker 01

  Were they in the circus? I mean, aren't they like eight and five?

• 4:36Speaker 01

  That's, I mean.

• 4:37Speaker 03

  They're nine and six and they love playing with knives. And last night, my older boy was cutting some box open with a knife. And I was like, give that to me, Ellis. And I go to grab the knife and he just jerks it back and then zzzp, it just slices my hand open.

• 4:51H. Foley?

  So instead of getting bit by a cottonmouth, you were stabbed by your son?

• 4:54Speaker 01

  I don't know what's worse.

• 4:56H. Foley?

  He got into a knife fight with a nine year old.

• 4:58Speaker 01

  You were trying to disarm a nine year old.

• 5:01H. Foley?

  Wait, hold on a second. They like to play with knives, but you don't like.

• 5:05Speaker 01

  Do you buy them knives or are they like kitchen knives?

• 5:07H. Foley?

  What? Buy them knives?

• 5:08Speaker 01

  I don't know what these people are doing.

• 5:11H. Foley?

  Wait, you just walk in and catch them. Like, what are you doing?

• 5:13Speaker 03

  So we have knives in our kitchen, like cutting, normal cutting.

• 5:16Speaker 01

  Like steak knives?

• 5:17H. Foley?

  In a block.

• 5:17Speaker 03

  Yeah. It's like, actually the, there are like the Cutco ones, the ones that they sell door to door, which I love.

• 5:22Speaker 01

  The pyramid scheme ones.

• 5:23Speaker 03

  Those are the best.

• 5:24Speaker 01

  That was one of, that was one of the first AYG questions. Have you ever tried to sell Cutco knives? Which a lot of people have done.

• 5:30Speaker 03

  No, but I was this close to selling Tupperware. Cause I went to a Tupperware party and I was like, this stuff's really good.

• 5:37H. Foley?

  What year was this?

• 5:37Speaker 01

  Practically sells itself.

• 5:40Speaker 03

  Maybe like oh two, when I'm like.

• 5:41H. Foley?

  You remember when Avon was banging?

• 5:43Speaker 03

  Of course.

• 5:43H. Foley?

  When the mom sold Avon? Skin So Soft? Remember Skin So Soft? That shit kept everything alive.

• 5:48Speaker 03

  Did your mom sell Avon?

• 5:49H. Foley?

  She didn't, but she was a big purchaser of Skin So Soft, used as an insect repellent.

• 5:54Speaker 01

  Bug spray. We used to use it as bug spray in Philadelphia for some reason.

• 5:57H. Foley?

  It had that funk to it. I don't know what it was. Mosquitoes hated it.

• 6:00Speaker 01

  A lot of microplastics. It wasn't good.

• 6:02Speaker 03

  No, nothing was good in the eighties.

• 6:03Speaker 01

  No.

• 6:04Speaker 03

  Or the nineties.

• 6:05Speaker 01

  Okay.

• 6:06H. Foley?

  So go ahead.

• 6:06Speaker 03

  Okay. So anyway, just, you know, just knives and they.

• 6:09H. Foley?

  This is last night.

• 6:10Speaker 03

  This is last night. Ellis, can you open up this Amazon box? Okay, mom, I'll do it. And instead of grabbing scissors, whatever, he just grabs a kitchen knife. And I'm like, no, no, no, not that one, bro. And I go to grab it and he, you know, just wants the knife and it.

• 6:24H. Foley?

  How bad of a slice? Cause you just got out of the ER right now. So you rode it out for the night? Oh man, you are trash. You got cash, what are you doing?

• 6:34Speaker 03

  Because of, see, this is what I was, I want to talk to you guys about. There's two types of trash.

• 6:39Speaker 01

  These, these, these problems are above our pay grade.

• 6:42H. Foley?

  I was gonna say, this isn't therapy.

• 6:43Speaker 03

  I think there's like-

• 6:44H. Foley?

  I got an Adderall upstairs if you want it. That's the best we could do for you.

• 6:48Speaker 03

  There's like, American trash.

• 6:51Speaker 01

  I feel, I feel like this is date, this is, because this isn't our typical set. I feel like we're sitting down with a murderer. Like, we're over here, she's over there with an active wound, and we're like, "So where was the knife when you entered the room?"

• 7:01H. Foley?

  Christina, what are you doing here?

• 7:03Speaker 03

  That's the thing. But I'm, I'm Euro trash.

• 7:06Speaker 01

  Yes, which we want to get into.

• 7:07H. Foley?

  Yeah, we want to get into this.

• 7:08Speaker 03

  But this is different, because in my mind, in my mind, if I have cuts and it's bleeding all night, which it was bleeding all night.

• 7:15H. Foley?

  Bleeding all night?

• 7:16Speaker 03

  All night. It was, it was red and wet, and I was like, "I can wait, I can, I gotta go to this podcast tomorrow, you guys, I've been looking forward to it." I literally was like, "I'll just wait until after the podcast."

• 7:25H. Foley?

  What's he say? What does Tom say?

• 7:27Speaker 03

  He's not home. He's, he's working, he's in Boston today.

• 7:29H. Foley?

  Cause he would have been, go to the ER right now, I would assume.

• 7:31Speaker 03

  That's what normal people-

• 7:32Speaker 01

  Normal people would have done.

• 7:33Speaker 03

  Who have self-care or ID, like, I don't have that, instead-

• 7:37H. Foley?

  What's the kid say? Sorry?

• 7:39Speaker 03

  He, no, he's devastated.

• 7:40Speaker 01

  He was getting his alibi straight. I was at the bar all night, I don't know what she's talking about.

• 7:45H. Foley?

  Keep your fucking mouth shut.

• 7:46Speaker 01

  Snitches get stitches, ma.

• 7:49H. Foley?

  He flips his blade?

• 7:50Speaker 03

  For, for sure, yeah. No, so, so, yeah, so I tough it out, because in my mind, this is what you do. I'm not crybaby pussies, go to hospital. I can wait and, I'll wait and see.

• 8:00H. Foley?

  Wrap it up?

• 8:01Speaker 03

  Ra, I wrapped it up.

• 8:02H. Foley?

  Now what is your home method of wrapping something up? I'm assuming it's some type of paper towel, hand towel, old rag?

• 8:10Speaker 01

  There's some adhesive involved.

• 8:12H. Foley?

  Some iodine?

• 8:14Speaker 03

  Of cour- yeah, I, I just squirted some Neosporin on it, because it creates like a gel.

• 8:20Speaker 01

  Sure.

• 8:21Speaker 03

  And then I just put like, four Band-Aids, like, regular sized.

• 8:24Speaker 01

  Uh huh.

• 8:25Speaker 03

  And then they just bled through like I woke up.

• 8:27H. Foley?

  Try to get creative with the Band-Aids. Those never, when you're doing the four one way, three the other.

• 8:32Speaker 01

  You're reinforcing them and stuff like that. You know, you need medical attention. That's what you need. Not more Band-Aids. It's never more Band-Aids.

• 8:42H. Foley?

  You got to the ER. Who put these six Garfield Band-Aids on you?

• 8:45Speaker 03

  But that's my stupid, my stupid Polack brain is like, I'll just put on like six Band-Aids. I'll be fine.

• 8:51H. Foley?

  You know what you needed was a butterfly.

• 8:53Speaker 01

  Butterfly stick.

• 8:54H. Foley?

  Remember that in the day, your mom would break out a butterfly on you?

• 8:57Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 8:57H. Foley?

  Ooh, she was like a fucking cardiac surgeon doing that shit.

• 9:00Speaker 03

  No, we didn't have that. Band-Aid is weakness. That's what I'm telling you.

• 9:03Speaker 01

  Did you have health insurance growing up? I get, I'm.

• 9:07Speaker 03

  Such a good question.

• 9:08Speaker 01

  Yeah. I've never, in 400 episodes, I've never had to ask it, but I feel like it might.

• 9:12H. Foley?

  Do you have health insurance now? Let's start there.

• 9:15Speaker 03

  Now I have money. So, yeah. But do you?

• 9:17H. Foley?

  You're at the ER in a fake name.

• 9:18Speaker 03

  But like, do you even remember going to the dentist for like preventative?

• 9:23H. Foley?

  Yes.

• 9:23Speaker 01

  No. No, we were, we were, it was like a collision. It was like we got in a car and you had to go.

• 9:28H. Foley?

  You went and got your fucking teeth cleaned every year with the bubble gum fluoride.

• 9:32Speaker 03

  You did?

• 9:32Speaker 01

  I was feeling cav- we were mainly a cavity. I remember having so many cavities. One time my mom yelled at me when I got in the car. She goes, "They're gonna take you away." I had like, I had like 13 cavities at eight years old.

• 9:43Speaker 03

  They're gonna take you away.

• 9:45H. Foley?

  Man, they're taking you away for bad teeth. That's a nice part of town.

• 9:49Speaker 01

  I don't know, the dentist's house? I don't know. Dude, my teeth were falling out of my head. It was bad.

• 9:53Speaker 03

  That's what I think too. Like I don't remember, cause I take my kids preventatively and now they put stuff in there so that they don't get molar cavity. Like there's all these things and I'm like.

• 10:02H. Foley?

  It's called fluoride.

• 10:03Speaker 03

  Right. Like I didn't, we didn't do that until you knocked a tooth out.

• 10:07H. Foley?

  Really?

• 10:07Speaker 03

  Oh my God.

• 10:08H. Foley?

  That's crazy. We're about the same age. You weren't getting the bubble gum fluoride, something out of the treasure chest?

• 10:14Speaker 03

  I'm telling you, Euro trash.

• 10:16H. Foley?

  Jesus.

• 10:17Speaker 03

  We didn't even know about this. Like I, we didn't even know, my parents didn't even know like what Star Wars, the movie was.

• 10:25H. Foley?

  All right, let's go back.

• 10:26Speaker 01

  Let's take it back.

• 10:27H. Foley?

  Before we go though, how many stitches do you have?

• 10:29Speaker 03

  Okay. So they actually didn't need to sew. They used Stary strips. So there's like four.

• 10:35H. Foley?

  Okay.

• 10:35Speaker 03

  There's four thing gluing. It's they glue them together. They're gluing my skin together and then I just keep this on.

• 10:41H. Foley?

  And they gave you a little Novocain when they did it?

• 10:43Speaker 03

  Yeah, lidocaine. They swear on.

• 10:44H. Foley?

  Anything else for later to give you?

• 10:46Speaker 03

  Dude, I wish.

• 10:47Speaker 01

  Couple of Zanny bars or something?

• 10:50Speaker 01

  Couple of tombstones, take the edge off.

• 10:51Speaker 03

  I was this close to asking and I was like, I look like a junkie.

• 10:55H. Foley?

  Wrote you a script for a Percocet and a White Claw? Yeah, alright, make a couple hours. Alright, let's go back. Give us the origin story. Up the middle, moms, dads, brothers, sisters, grew up, all that kinda stuff.

• 11:06Speaker 01

  Cause I saw a fact I wasn't aware of today. Where you were born.

• 11:10Speaker 03

  Okay, so, this is the cool part. So, parents escaped from communist Hungary in 1969. So, they grow up just horrific deprivation. The communists took over.

• 11:21H. Foley?

  Escape pow, how'd they get out?

• 11:23Speaker 03

  Literally on foot through Yugoslavian border.

• 11:27H. Foley?

  Jesus Christ.

• 11:28Speaker 03

  They get caught, they get thrown back to Hungary, they get on a train, they get through, they they have finally escaped to Italy in Trieste and they're in a camp for a year, like a refugee camp. I know, it's a horrible story.

• 11:40Speaker 01

  What?

• 11:41Speaker 03

  It's bananas. And finally, the Catholic Church sponsors them.

• 11:44Speaker 01

  I wouldn't send you to the dentist either, what the fuck? You hear your tooth hurts? Suck my dick.

• 11:49Speaker 03

  Exactly.

• 11:50Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 11:50Speaker 03

  Exactly. So, they're so tough. And then, so, we went to Canada and then I was born in Windsor, Ontario.

• 11:57H. Foley?

  So, they, hold on, they get to Canada, then they start a new life?

• 12:00Speaker 03

  They start a new life. It takes about 14 years before I come around.

• 12:03H. Foley?

  Okay.

• 12:04Speaker 03

  So, they're just trying to be, you know, my father always tells me like, I landed in Canada and I was blown away. I was so excited, I could buy a hot dog and a Coca-Cola for $5. And he says, "I saw a black guy with a hat with a feather."

• 12:22Speaker 03

  And big cars, and I knew this is where I always belonged.

• 12:26H. Foley?

  My man, what's going up, huh? Gimme high four, okay. Good to see you. That's awesome.

• 12:32Speaker 01

  That's great.

• 12:33H. Foley?

  Talk about appreciating the small things.

• 12:35Speaker 03

  Yes.

• 12:35H. Foley?

  A fucking refugee camp in Italy. Getting out of fucking communist, fucking the Soviet Union.

• 12:41Speaker 03

  The Russian, yes, exactly.

• 12:42H. Foley?

  That's old school.

• 12:43Speaker 03

  Very old school, very tough.

• 12:45H. Foley?

  Holy shit.

• 12:46Speaker 03

  Very tough people who raised me and I, this is why I, you know, I am, I think I'm a little more... Obtuse to average human things.

• 12:56Speaker 01

  Okay.

• 12:57Speaker 03

  We just didn't, who cares?

• 12:58Speaker 01

  It didn't register. None of that stuff registered.

• 12:59Speaker 03

  It doesn't register to me. Like, you should do this or that. You should...

• 13:03Speaker 01

  Sure.

• 13:03Speaker 03

  I just don't see it, because I'm like, why? You are crybaby pussy. Like, what just... So anyway, I'm born in Windsor, Ontario, Canada, which is across from Detroit. It's probably the grossest part of Canada. It's... It is the garbageiest part of Canada. Just to put it in perspective, Canadians, so many Canadians die every year because they get hammered and try to swim across Lake Ontario.

• 13:28H. Foley?

  Really? To Detroit?

• 13:30Speaker 03

  Yeah. Like, just for fun.

• 13:31H. Foley?

  For the good life, baby. To Detroit. See it right there.

• 13:35Speaker 01

  Talking about refugees.

• 13:36H. Foley?

  What does your mom and dad do? What did your dad do by trade? What did he do for a living?

• 13:40Speaker 03

  So, my god, he's so crafty. So, when he was in Hungary, they forced him to go into the military, the Russians, and he learned how to fix cars and machinery. So when he came to Canada, he learned how to do forklifts.

• 13:53H. Foley?

  Okay.

• 13:53Speaker 03

  And then when we came to the US in 1980, when I was four, he started a forklift business in the San Fernando Valley.

• 13:59H. Foley?

  Started a business?

• 14:01Speaker 03

  A business.

• 14:01Speaker 01

  So he made enough money to start a small business?

• 14:03Speaker 03

  He did incredibly well.

• 14:05H. Foley?

  Really?

• 14:06Speaker 03

  And became like the biggest forklift business in the San Fernando Valley.

• 14:09H. Foley?

  What? Wait, so Ontario, you're four, you moved to Cali?

• 14:13Speaker 03

  Correct.

• 14:13H. Foley?

  Okay.

• 14:14Speaker 03

  And my parents divorced because he was like, I made it to California, time to start banging.

• 14:18H. Foley?

  Really? Shit, after going through all that?

• 14:20Speaker 03

  With my... Yeah, well, my mother, so my mother was schizophrenic and crazy.

• 14:24H. Foley?

  Gotcha.

• 14:24Speaker 03

  So he was like, I gotta go. And, yeah, but he...

• 14:29Speaker 01

  These California girls, huh?

• 14:30H. Foley?

  I just wish I was riding away on his forklift.

• 14:32Speaker 03

  I know.

• 14:33H. Foley?

  I'll call ya.

• 14:34Speaker 03

  But he always lived nearby, and they split custody.

• 14:37Speaker 01

  So, okay, so then you stayed primarily with mom?

• 14:39Speaker 03

  Primarily with mom.

• 14:40H. Foley?

  Brothers and sisters?

• 14:42Speaker 03

  No.

• 14:42H. Foley?

  Only child?

• 14:43Speaker 03

  Until 12, my mother remarries to an Indian guy who's a criminal.

• 14:47Speaker 01

  What?

• 14:47Speaker 03

  It's so... Like, I should write 10...

• 14:49Speaker 01

  Who remarries an Indian guy? I've never heard that. I've never heard that my mom remarried an Indian guy. I mean, that's wild.

• 14:58Speaker 03

  But what's exciting is that that's a whole new layer of garbage.

• 15:02Speaker 01

  Sure.

• 15:02Speaker 03

  Because they like, he liked, for instance, he would make samosas for me.

• 15:07H. Foley?

  That ain't bad.

• 15:07Speaker 01

  Don't get... Never mind. I wish my mom remarried an Indian guy.

• 15:11H. Foley?

  I didn't have one of those till like, two years ago, man. Those things are banging.

• 15:14Speaker 01

  They're great. Little chutney or something.

• 15:16Speaker 03

  But instead of regular beef, he would use the Taco Bell seasoning.

• 15:20H. Foley?

  That's probably not that bad.

• 15:22Speaker 01

  I mean, that's pretty good.

• 15:23H. Foley?

  That's alright.

• 15:24Speaker 03

  It's so good.

• 15:25H. Foley?

  That's like a cheesesteak egg roll, basically. We could be doing more with those samosa wraps. We really could.

• 15:29Speaker 03

  I know. I know.

• 15:31H. Foley?

  There's a lot of stuff around the table.

• 15:32Speaker 03

  They really should.

• 15:33Speaker 01

  Shemari and Indian guy. And get this thing started. Small business.

• 15:37H. Foley?

  Wait, hold on. So you moved four years old, you guys moved to California, your dad starts the business. How long till the business is like, when you say, you said he was the biggest in the area?

• 15:47Speaker 03

  So like, we're, we're, we're middle-class comfortable.

• 15:49Speaker 01

  Okay.

• 15:50H. Foley?

  Mom's not working.

• 15:51Speaker 03

  No, mom is working. Mommy is, uh, working as a, as a account receptionist. So we're, I'm living in like a, primarily like a two-bedroom apartment in Reseda, like Tarzana. The same one Brody Stevens grew up in, as we always talked about. It was primarily single mothers and immigrants and like Israelis and Persians.

• 16:09Speaker 01

  Once they, once they split, that's where your mom went.

• 16:12Speaker 03

  Correct.

• 16:12Speaker 01

  And what was your dad's house like?

• 16:14Speaker 03

  It was a lot, it was better.

• 16:15Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 16:15Speaker 03

  It was like this. Like, no, not like, this is nice. It was, um, just a nice middle-class Canoga Park.

• 16:20H. Foley?

  Okay.

• 16:21Speaker 03

  Valley dwelling.

• 16:22Speaker 01

  Okay.

• 16:22Speaker 03

  Um.

• 16:23H. Foley?

  So he's doing well. He's still taking care of you guys. He's taking care of your mom. He just wants to do his own thing.

• 16:28Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 16:28H. Foley?

  He's involved in your life.

• 16:29Speaker 03

  Exactly.

• 16:30H. Foley?

  Gotcha. Okay.

• 16:31Speaker 03

  Yeah. But then I go to live with him because my mom's crazy. She's schizo and she would kick me out and go live with him. And that's when the trashy really came.

• 16:38Speaker 01

  When you're with your dad?

• 16:39Speaker 03

  Yo.

• 16:40Speaker 01

  Okay.

• 16:40Speaker 03

  He's a single Eastern European guy. So it's paper plates, plastic forks. I'm eating hot dogs for dinner at Cupid's in the valley. What? Shout out 818 Van Nuys, I shit slapped. And I still fucking order it. I order it.

• 16:54H. Foley?

  Shout out there it goes.

• 16:55Speaker 03

  Oh, it's so good.

• 16:56Speaker 01

  818.

• 16:56Speaker 03

  Woo!

• 16:58Speaker 01

  I, I don't know enough. I know that's not the good one.

• 17:00H. Foley?

  Wait, the Indian guys, the Indian guys in the picture now?

• 17:02Speaker 03

  No.

• 17:03Speaker 01

  He's out again.

• 17:04H. Foley?

  How's, what? You left the samosas?

• 17:06Speaker 03

  No. He comes in when I'm like 13.

• 17:08H. Foley?

  Okay. How old are you right now? How old are you now?

• 17:10Speaker 03

  This is like eight, eight. Third grade, I go to live with my dad.

• 17:13Speaker 01

  It's single dad. Single dad making some cash, but single dad.

• 17:16H. Foley?

  Same school? You gotta change schools?

• 17:17Speaker 03

  Same school.

• 17:18H. Foley?

  Okay. So no, no friction there. Same school.

• 17:21Speaker 03

  No. Same school, but that's a level of like, like I, I remember watching Pippi Longstocking and she cuts her spaghetti with scissors. Like I was doing that and thinking it was fun and eating Chef Boyardee out of cans. I love it.

• 17:34H. Foley?

  Dressing like Punky Brewster running around?

• 17:36Speaker 03

  Oh, for sure. Yeah.

• 17:37H. Foley?

  Yeah. Shout out to Punky Brewster.

• 17:38Speaker 01

  Were you left to make your own food most of it? Like is he, is he coming home from the forklift factory and cooking? That ain't happening.

• 17:44Speaker 03

  No, he's not cooking yet.

• 17:45H. Foley?

  So we're talking. Kim, let's talk about Tushy, baby.

• 17:49Speaker 01

  Shout out to Tushy.

• 17:51H. Foley?

  Gang, what are you doing? Still wiping your ass like a caveman? Do yourself a favor. Get the world's number one bidet. I'm talking about Tushy. You'll have an asshole clean as a whistle.

• 18:01Speaker 01

  Uh, Big Man ain't lying. They're easy to install. They were nice enough to send them to us. We got them installed out there in Tooties.

• 18:07H. Foley?

  Can eat off this thing.

• 18:08Speaker 01

  Man, you sit down and I tell you, it's like a little slice of heaven, gang. Let me tell you something.

• 18:16H. Foley?

  Foreplay.

• 18:16Speaker 01

  It's one of those things where you're like, I didn't know I was walking around like a proper homeless person.

• 18:23H. Foley?

  A toilet paper, it sticks to your ass and all that stuff. That's how you get what we call in the business, dingleberries.

• 18:27Speaker 01

  A couple of berry dingers. That's how you ruin a pair of underwear. Not with Tushy, gang. And there's still time to get your ass right for your life. Uh, for a limited time, our listeners get 10% off their first bidet order when you use the code, you know it, garbage at checkout. That's 10% off your first bidet order at helloTushy.com with the promo code garbage. Stop pooping like a homeless person.

• 18:51Speaker 01

  And use it, use it gosh darn bidet, gang.

• 18:54H. Foley?

  Copyrighted, are you garbage?

• 18:55Speaker 01

  One time, helloTushy.com with promo code garbage. Do it.

• 18:58H. Foley?

  Yeah. Kim, let's talk about Lucy, baby.

• 19:01Speaker 01

  Shout out to Lucy.

• 19:03H. Foley?

  Let's talk about 100% pure nicotine, no tobacco. Let's talk about the flavor capsule inside for a little bit of extra flavor, hydration. Gang, do yourself a favor. Sign up for a subscription for Lucy, have it sent right to your door.

• 19:18Speaker 01

  Yeah, the good folks at Lucy were kind enough, good folks, first of all, that's first things first, good fucking folks over there at Lucy. Kind enough to send us some of, uh, you know, their products. And I gotta tell you, they're going through the office like hotcakes.

• 19:32H. Foley?

  Woo.

• 19:32Speaker 01

  Uh, they're fantastic. It's a perfect, uh, perfect vehicle for nicotine, never the tobacco. Tobacco, listen, I don't know if you guys heard the results.

• 19:40H. Foley?

  It's like the fucking 90s.

• 19:41Speaker 01

  Lucy Breakers are the perfect nicotine pouches with a little extra surprise. And here's the turkey, gang. Let's level up your nicotine routine with Lucy. Go to Lucy.co/garbage and use the promo code garbage to get 20% off your first order. That ain't nothing to shake a stick at. Lucy has a 30 day refund policy. If you change your mind one more time, go to Lucy.co/garbage. Use the promo code garbage. Uh, and here comes the fine print gang. Lucy products are only for adults of legal age and every order is age verified. Warning, this product contains nicotine. Nicotine is an addictive chemical. So you're just like a latchkey kid, kind of.

• 20:15H. Foley?

  And he's got a little bit of cash. He's single, went through a lot. This is 80s.

• 20:20Speaker 03

  Yes.

• 20:20H. Foley?

  Got an accent. I would assume he's probably doing pretty well with the ladies.

• 20:25Speaker 03

  Slaying pussy.

• 20:27Speaker 01

  I think coming in and out, like are women entering your life and cycling through?

• 20:31Speaker 03

  That's, yes, to the point where I get it.

• 20:34Speaker 01

  It's traumatizing. We're laughing now, but it's for sure traumatizing you.

• 20:38Speaker 03

  It's the worst because I, I would mix up their names. So I'm getting in trouble from my dad.

• 20:42H. Foley?

  No shit. He's juggling. He's got a couple of broads going at the same time?

• 20:46Speaker 03

  Multiple. I'm calling Debbie Susan and Susan Debbie and then who the fuck is Nancy and it's.

• 20:52Speaker 01

  This is Christina. She likes hot dog. And as, as he walks upstairs.

• 20:58Speaker 03

  It's, yeah, it's just.

• 20:59H. Foley?

  She like a hot dog.

• 21:00Speaker 03

  I'm just left to raise myself, really.

• 21:03Speaker 01

  Sure.

• 21:03Speaker 03

  But I, but again.

• 21:04Speaker 01

  Single, that's, I mean, that's most divorced fam- that's most divorced.

• 21:07Speaker 03

  It is.

• 21:08H. Foley?

  But there's food in the house, all that kind of stuff. He's rolling in.

• 21:10Speaker 01

  It didn't sound great.

• 21:11H. Foley?

  In her this?

• 21:12Speaker 01

  She's talking hot dogs and cold Chef Boyardee.

• 21:14Speaker 03

  Like it's like Hungarian, like there's, yeah, there's hot dogs in the freezer or I can eat that. There's Chef Boyardee in the cans, which is great. Budget gourmet. I lived on the budget gourmet.

• 21:24Speaker 01

  What's that, a brand?

• 21:25Speaker 03

  Oh yeah. They were frozen meals.

• 21:27H. Foley?

  Frozen dinners.

• 21:27Speaker 03

  And to this day.

• 21:28Speaker 01

  Oh, right.

• 21:29Speaker 03

  So good. The Salisbury steak.

• 21:31H. Foley?

  There was the Hungry Man, the Swansons, and then around the mid 80s, they started leaning into the healthier options. Lean Cuisine, which were pretty good.

• 21:42Speaker 03

  Are you kidding?

• 21:43H. Foley?

  You know your way around a Lean Cuisine chicken Alfredo, I would assume.

• 21:45Speaker 03

  Of cour- wow, that shit's delicious. And I would still eat it to this day. And the French bread pizza.

• 21:51H. Foley?

  Stouffer's.

• 21:51Speaker 01

  Stouffer's?

• 21:52Speaker 03

  Of course.

• 21:53Speaker 01

  I did that about three weeks ago.

• 21:54H. Foley?

  This podcast is built on Stouffer's French bread pizza.

• 21:56Speaker 03

  Can we talk about why it's so good?

• 21:59Speaker 01

  I thought I was European the first time I had that. I was like, what in the world? I don't have a passport. How did I get this?

• 22:05H. Foley?

  Followed up with an International Delight.

• 22:07Speaker 01

  Delicious. Yeah, that stuff, that's game changer.

• 22:09Speaker 03

  Coffee?

• 22:10H. Foley?

  Remember the coffee was in that tin?

• 22:12Speaker 03

  I thought it was.

• 22:12H. Foley?

  Yeah.

• 22:13Speaker 03

  I would.

• 22:13H. Foley?

  It was fancy.

• 22:14Speaker 03

  I, you, yeah, you, international foods.

• 22:16H. Foley?

  International foods.

• 22:17Speaker 03

  Remember the name of the waiter? Jean-Luc. Do you remember the commercial?

• 22:21H. Foley?

  That's pretty good.

• 22:22Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 22:23H. Foley?

  I know like the, the way they lit those commercials back then was so, so like cinematic. It was the spotlight coming down.

• 22:29Speaker 03

  Oh, yeah.

• 22:29H. Foley?

  International Foods.

• 22:31Speaker 03

  But that's what, but I thought I was posh. I didn't know that we were garbage. I thought like, we can afford budget gourmet. I can have-

• 22:39Speaker 01

  I mean, budget's in the name.

• 22:44H. Foley?

  Holy shit.

• 22:44Speaker 03

  But I love a French bread pizza.

• 22:46Speaker 01

  It's the best. It's the best.

• 22:47Speaker 03

  The sweetness of the sauce.

• 22:49Speaker 01

  Let's get some. What are we doing here?

• 22:50Speaker 03

  I know.

• 22:51H. Foley?

  We had, we had it at the Super Bowl. We stayed in and watched the Super Bowl. I threw a couple of those in the oven and then cut them up into fours.

• 22:57Speaker 03

  Oh, wow. Mama Celeste Supreme Pizza. I felt like I was a gazillionaire.

• 23:03H. Foley?

  So you would tell him what you wanted?

• 23:05Speaker 03

  I would get it at the store.

• 23:06H. Foley?

  You were shopping yourself?

• 23:07Speaker 03

  No, no. He, we'd go to the grocery store and he would just let me buy whatever the heck I wanted.

• 23:11Speaker 01

  What grocery store was that?

• 23:12Speaker 03

  Albertson's, of course.

• 23:13Speaker 01

  That's a, that's a fair, that's a good establishment.

• 23:16Speaker 03

  Yeah, or Alpha Beta, it doesn't exist, but he dated one of the checkout girls, Nancy, and I really wanted-

• 23:21H. Foley?

  My man. There you go.

• 23:23Speaker 01

  That, you can close ass if you can do it in a, in a supermarket transaction. You can close. That's wa- that's, there's a 1% of guys can, that's a 90 second transaction.

• 23:35Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 23:35Speaker 01

  Plus he's got you right there.

• 23:36Speaker 03

  Well, that's-

• 23:37Speaker 01

  Coming up to work.

• 23:37H. Foley?

  12 boxes of sugary cereal to think of thinking.

• 23:40Speaker 03

  But that's the thing. I was bait, cause people, I was cute and blonde.

• 23:44Speaker 01

  Cute girl. Oh, look at her. Yeah.

• 23:46Speaker 03

  And what a good dad. Wow. This guy like takes care of his kid and like, you know.

• 23:50H. Foley?

  I mean, in the eighties, a single dad, that's pretty, he's goddamn, it's pretty good.

• 23:52Speaker 01

  He was dating, her mother died, it was tragic. He's lying and shit.

• 23:57Speaker 03

  Milk in that. Milk in her, dude.

• 24:00H. Foley?

  Just got back from Vietnam. It's 1987. What are you talking about? Okay. All right. So he takes you to the store.

• 24:06Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 24:07Speaker 01

  This is a, this is a, this is a story.

• 24:09H. Foley?

  I would have to assume that there is an advantage, being a kid of your dad not really being aware or not get, not, not giving a shit, but like, I assume you were able to get whatever cereal you wanted.

• 24:21Speaker 03

  Anything I wanted. And I could dress however I wanted, which nowadays they let children do. Like you go, I pick up my kid from school and like, there's girls wearing ballerina skirts. Whereas I did that in the eighties and I would get a talking to.

• 24:36Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 24:37Speaker 03

  I would dress like Madonna, because we go, oh, I would get my clothes at the swap meet. Because he loved the valley indoor swap meet. And I thought I was so cool, because I could wear like my swap meet outfit. And with those cool Kung Fu slippers, do you remember those white shoes that the Karate Kid, when that movie came out, they were like white cloth shoes with like the hard plastic bottoms? They're like ninja shoes.

• 25:00H. Foley?

  You were in bowling shoes at the school, is that what you're telling us?

• 25:03Speaker 03

  I wish.

• 25:03H. Foley?

  That's crazy. Did you go through a wrestling shoes phase?

• 25:06Speaker 03

  What's the, what are?

• 25:07H. Foley?

  Like wrestling, wrestling shoes?

• 25:09Speaker 03

  No.

• 25:09Speaker 01

  Girls go through those?

• 25:11H. Foley?

  Yeah, a couple, a couple, a couple of, that was like a little bit of a thing.

• 25:14Speaker 01

  They're lesbians.

• 25:15Speaker 03

  Yeah, I was gonna say, not this kind.

• 25:22H. Foley?

  Kung Fu shoes?

• 25:23Speaker 03

  But I could, I could buy whatever I want, yeah, I could eat whatever I want. It was like pippy long, so I'd go to bed, like, I don't even remember having a bedtime. I don't remember brushing my teeth, I don't remember like-

• 25:32Speaker 01

  Kind of feral, you're just doing whatever you wanted.

• 25:34Speaker 03

  A thousand percent.

• 25:35Speaker 01

  Were you stealing? I feel like you were stealing.

• 25:38Speaker 03

  I did start stealing.

• 25:39Speaker 01

  Yeah, I could tell.

• 25:39H. Foley?

  Were you setting things on fire a lot, huh? Did you like to burn frogs, Christina?

• 25:45Speaker 03

  I loved fire and my dad would go to sleep and I would just play with the fire.

• 25:50Speaker 01

  And I'd watch the flames dance.

• 25:51H. Foley?

  Where?

• 25:52Speaker 03

  In his house, like-

• 25:53H. Foley?

  The fireplace?

• 25:54Speaker 03

  Yeah, we had a fireplace and he'd go to sleep and I would just stay up and like throw shit in the fire.

• 25:58H. Foley?

  I would have set you away if I came down in the middle of the night. You were sitting there worshiping fire, no thank you.

• 26:06H. Foley?

  Any vacations? Would you guys go anywhere?

• 26:08Speaker 03

  Yes, so that's a cool part of my parents, is I would say because they were Europeans, that we traveled very extensively and I-

• 26:16H. Foley?

  Really?

• 26:17Speaker 03

  Got a really nice education, like, like, now that I think about it, okay, so my dad would take me to Club Med with him.

• 26:25H. Foley?

  That's not, that's not, that's not educational.

• 26:27Speaker 01

  It's an education in swinging, that's what that is. That's one step below hedonism. It's crazy.

• 26:34Speaker 03

  I know, and I didn't realize it until later.

• 26:39H. Foley?

  Never do shots before dinner, okay?

• 26:41Speaker 03

  That's what he was telling me. He's like, always eat before you drink. This way you can drink without throwing up. And I was like, okay dad.

• 26:47H. Foley?

  These broads will never know what hit them. Wait, hold on. Would you?

• 26:51Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 26:52H. Foley?

  Did you ever go back to Europe as a vacation?

• 26:55Speaker 03

  Later.

• 26:56Speaker 01

  I like how you're like, yeah, it was well traveled. We did Key West.

• 27:00Speaker 01

  A couple Carnival cruises.

• 27:01Speaker 03

  Uh, Martinique. No, so, so we did go to Club Meds in like Mexico every si- I go to Mexico a lot every summer with my dad.

• 27:08H. Foley?

  Close, yeah. He probably loved it. For some reason, I love that he was living like that.

• 27:12Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 27:12H. Foley?

  Going through all that shit. Think of how much he appreciated that.

• 27:15Speaker 03

  He had so-

• 27:16H. Foley?

  Tight little bathing suit, bunch of hot broads down at Club Med. Man. Hairy ass chest ice suit.

• 27:21Speaker 01

  I mean, meanwhile, she's like fending for herself. You're like, this dude's crushing ass. He's traveling. Meanwhile, she's like emotionally detached. She has a pyromania problem developing.

• 27:32Speaker 03

  That's how I was.

• 27:33Speaker 01

  She's stealing. She's clearly acting out-

• 27:35H. Foley?

  He's living his life.

• 27:37Speaker 01

  The Indian guy, who knows where he is.

• 27:38Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 27:39H. Foley?

  Your dad took you to Club Med?

• 27:41Speaker 03

  Which, so I did research it. It did start off as a French, uh, sex resort, essentially. And, and I didn't realize that. I just thought it was like this fun place.

• 27:50H. Foley?

  It wasn't a Dave and Buster's, I can tell you that.

• 27:52Speaker 03

  Like French, it was all in French and I got to hang out with other like, like European.

• 27:57Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 27:58H. Foley?

  Other fucked up kids.

• 27:58Speaker 03

  Fucked up kids. And we'd run around the village, so they called them the village. And I, I don't know how, by the grace of God, like I did not get kidnapped or-

• 28:06Speaker 01

  Abducted, yeah.

• 28:07Speaker 03

  Abducted, molested. So like, I don't, I think I was like, my mother was so vigilant about like, you don't talk to anybody. Everybody's out to get you. So I was very like, I don't know, it was dirty, you know?

• 28:19Speaker 01

  Well, that's, I mean, when you have to learn to fend for yourself, it's like-

• 28:21Speaker 03

  Yeah, fuck you.

• 28:22Speaker 01

  You grow up, you have your heads on a swivel of like-

• 28:24Speaker 03

  Uh, hypervigilance is what my therapist. Did you guys have that too? Uh, you guys as traumatized as me?

• 28:30Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 28:32H. Foley?

  But for different shit.

• 28:34Speaker 01

  I mean, I wasn't at Club Med with my dad, but you know.

• 28:36H. Foley?

  It was more psychological.

• 28:36Speaker 03

  Oh, okay, yeah. Well, it gets worse. So then he would take me to bars and nightclubs with him in the States when I'm in third grade. Like on-

• 28:42H. Foley?

  Third grade?

• 28:43Speaker 03

  School nights, yeah.

• 28:44H. Foley?

  Holy shit. School, wait, school nights?

• 28:46Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 28:47Speaker 01

  This guy cares about an American education system?

• 28:49Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 28:49Speaker 01

  Are you nuts?

• 28:50H. Foley?

  How were your grades? Were you a good student?

• 28:52Speaker 03

  No. How can you be when you're in a-

• 28:55Speaker 01

  Yeah, there's no home, there's no stat, you know, he's not like, did you do your homework Christina? You know what I mean?

• 28:59Speaker 03

  I don't even know what that is. Are you crazy? But I loved it.

• 29:04H. Foley?

  You have build home in one night? That's crazy.

• 29:07Speaker 03

  So we would go to-

• 29:08Speaker 01

  Swinging a miss on that.

• 29:10H. Foley?

  I'm done with the accent.

• 29:11Speaker 03

  We, uh, we would go to this bar in the valley called The Beef and Barrel.

• 29:14Speaker 01

  That's a good name. I would like to spend some time at the B- Were you like the bar kid where everybody's, "Oh Christina, there she-" and they go over, they go, "Here, put the-" give you like $2, "Save this for you, go buy yourself candy."

• 29:27Speaker 03

  Yes.

• 29:27Speaker 01

  Meanwhile, you're stealing their wallet.

• 29:29H. Foley?

  What would a typical dinner be at a bar like that? Some mozzarella sticks, some chicken fingers?

• 29:33Speaker 03

  Oh, and, and, gosh, yes. And I think that those years really set me up to be a great, like, to be a stand-up comedian, like, to enjoy that dinginess of that nightclub.

• 29:42Speaker 01

  It's like, I walk into a dive bar and it's like, I can tell right away if the Coke's good. Not the drugs.

• 29:50Speaker 03

  Did you grow up in bars too?

• 29:51Speaker 01

  Grew up and hanging out in bars, eating chicken fingers at the bar, playing the photo hunt. My dad, I mean, my whole family's alcoholic. So am I. I'm not, I'm not, I'm not saying it's a bad thing, it's just who we are.

• 30:00Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 30:01Speaker 01

  Just Irish construction, drunk construction workers.

• 30:03Speaker 03

  Yeah, I just, I stopped drinking alcohol after I, like, 60 days ago, it's horrible. But anyway, the point is, uh, okay, Beef and Barrel, I have the best memories of it though, because it was the 80s and the music was amazing. So everybody's like, the 80s were the best. I'm like, yes, they were. It was Duran Duran, it was Lionel Richie, it was Frankie Goes to Hollywood, it was, you know, and I'm, and I have this great memory of dancing with sailors. There were sailors in their outfits.

• 30:30H. Foley?

  What, in third grade?

• 30:32Speaker 03

  Third grade. They had just come off whatever break and they were on the dance floor with me and they were like, "I'm this novelty, I'm this little girl."

• 30:40Speaker 01

  Yeah, like, "Oh, it's fun, we're dancing, you know, we're having a good time."

• 30:42Speaker 03

  So fun. And at one point, it's a-

• 30:44Speaker 01

  It's like a wedding.

• 30:45Speaker 03

  It was so, yeah, exactly. It was "Mony Mony," you know, that song by Billy Idol?

• 30:48Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 30:49Speaker 03

  And sailors, yeah, they, there's a thing where they go, "Hey, motherfucker, get laid, get fucked." Like, you sing it in between. I remember being like, "What's this new poem?" And I remember chanting it with them, "Hey, motherfucker, get laid, get fucked." And I was like, "My life couldn't get any better." Like, "This is amazing, dude." And then I'd go to school the next day. I went to a nice Lutheran school and like, "How do you explain to other kids that you just chanted with sailors?"

• 31:18H. Foley?

  Yeah, they were home watching the A-Team last night.

• 31:20Speaker 03

  Yeah, and I'm like, "You guys fucking dorks."

• 31:23H. Foley?

  Wait, so, so a Christian school.

• 31:27Speaker 03

  Private school.

• 31:27H. Foley?

  Private school, Lutheran school, okay. Uniform, the whole nine yards?

• 31:31Speaker 03

  Not uniform yet, that's in Catholic school. When I got kicked out of public school, I had to go to private school.

• 31:36Speaker 01

  What'd you get kicked out for?

• 31:37Speaker 03

  I just didn't go. I stopped going.

• 31:38H. Foley?

  Who gets kicked out of public school and goes to Catholic school? That's the reverse, that's crazy.

• 31:44Speaker 03

  So I, um, yeah, by ninth grade, I start to realize that like my home life is weird. That something's up, like my mom's crazy, my dad's crazy, I've got this Indian stepdad, I've got three new stepsisters that are Indian and like...

• 31:57H. Foley?

  Oh, okay, so you got three new stepsisters.

• 31:59Speaker 01

  Are you getting along with them at all?

• 32:00Speaker 03

  Loved them.

• 32:01H. Foley?

  Nice.

• 32:02Speaker 03

  A relief.

• 32:02H. Foley?

  How much older are they than you or younger than you?

• 32:04Speaker 03

  They're about, we're all, I've one that's like a year older, one that's five years older, and one that's about four years younger.

• 32:11H. Foley?

  Perfect, all right in the mix.

• 32:12Speaker 03

  So fun, and I love them and I'm thrilled to have a family.

• 32:15H. Foley?

  And your mom kinda levels off a little bit? She, she's doing okay?

• 32:17Speaker 03

  It's great, cause now she ignores me. So now I'm free.

• 32:21H. Foley?

  Okay.

• 32:21Speaker 03

  So meaning she's on a...

• 32:22Speaker 01

  Her focus, her, yeah, crazy focus is not on you, it's...

• 32:26Speaker 03

  Now it's on the...

• 32:27H. Foley?

  Are you back living there? Are you moving with them?

• 32:29Speaker 03

  Yeah, I bounce, every year I go back and forth. I get kicked out of my mom, my mom can't take me, my dad, I get annoyed with my dad, I go back to live with my mother, it's like fucking terrible.

• 32:37Speaker 01

  Girls of divorce do that.

• 32:39H. Foley?

  Indian stepdad does well?

• 32:41Speaker 03

  He's the best. So my Indian stepdad is a criminal genius. He passed away, so I can tell these stories now.

• 32:48Speaker 01

  What?

• 32:50Speaker 03

  Brilliant man. So he, he escaped, he escapes.

• 32:52H. Foley?

  Told you about this amos.

• 32:54Speaker 03

  It's so good.

• 32:54Speaker 01

  Also, that's a book, My Indian Step Dad.

• 32:58Speaker 01

  The mastermind criminal.

• 33:00Speaker 03

  So good.

• 33:00H. Foley?

  That's really good.

• 33:01Speaker 01

  My Indian Step Dad is the name of your next special, something.

• 33:04Speaker 03

  It's so good.

• 33:05Speaker 01

  No one's ever said that.

• 33:06Speaker 03

  Oh, why do you say that?

• 33:07Speaker 01

  Cause Indian guys wouldn't say, "My Indian Step Dad", that would just be their stepdad.

• 33:12Speaker 03

  But I, I bring him, so, so, so he's, he's brought up in like Bombay, and he's poor as shit, and he only wants to come to America. So he somehow gets in our US military, does, goes to Stuttgart, to station there, finally comes to America, comes to Van Nuys.

• 33:28Speaker 03

  Which at the time was good, it was the 70s, which is the San Fran Valley again. And basically what immigrants do, I don't know if you guys, you don't know, they immigrants are geniuses, especially if they're criminal, you figure out loopholes.

• 33:42Speaker 01

  You find the holes, yeah.

• 33:43Speaker 03

  So, he was a brilliant mind at loophole findings. And he had scammed a couple ladies before he met my mother. He would marry blonde ladies, take their credit, and establish businesses, make millions and millions of dollars, not pay taxes, file bankruptcy.

• 34:02H. Foley?

  Millions.

• 34:02Speaker 03

  And then do it again, millions.

• 34:03H. Foley?

  Whoa.

• 34:04Speaker 03

  So I went from living in a two-bedroom apartment in the valley with my mom, like an immigrant, whatever. And she meets this guy, because she decides it's time to get married.

• 34:14H. Foley?

  Where do they meet?

• 34:15Speaker 03

  This is the best part.

• 34:16Speaker 01

  Interpol?

• 34:19Speaker 03

  So she puts an ad, this is 1988.

• 34:21H. Foley?

  Get the fuck out of here.

• 34:24Speaker 03

  She puts an ad in the Indian-

• 34:25Speaker 01

  You should be a supervillain by now.

• 34:27Speaker 03

  No!

• 34:28Speaker 01

  The fact you haven't turned this for evil and you live a life for comedy is crazy.

• 34:32H. Foley?

  Are you gonna murder us when we're done here?

• 34:34Speaker 03

  I should be a sociopath, oh my god.

• 34:36H. Foley?

  Puts an ad in the paper.

• 34:38Speaker 03

  So in the Indian newspaper, because she is convinced, she says to me, "I like Indian men. They are, they are tall, dark, and handsome, and they are..." And which I'm like, I'm pretty sure that's not-

• 34:48Speaker 01

  Wait, there's an Indian newspaper?

• 34:49H. Foley?

  Say it!

• 34:50Speaker 01

  There's an Indian newspaper in California?

• 34:52Speaker 03

  Yes, because there's a lot of Indian people.

• 34:54Speaker 01

  Okay.

• 34:54Speaker 03

  And she wants Indian men, so she puts an ad, and she says, "Buxom European woman seeks educated Indian man for marriage." Oh, sorry, well-off, basically have to be rich.

• 35:07Speaker 01

  Okay.

• 35:07H. Foley?

  Sure, for marriage.

• 35:09Speaker 03

  For marriage.

• 35:09H. Foley?

  They hear that shit, they're coming running.

• 35:11Speaker 03

  Yeah, so we received bags of letters.

• 35:15Speaker 01

  Is your mom very attractive?

• 35:16Speaker 03

  She was stunning.

• 35:17Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 35:17Speaker 03

  And I mean, huge tits, blonde hair, blue eyes, like an Aryan goddess.

• 35:23H. Foley?

  I was wondering what buxom meant.

• 35:27Speaker 03

  She is, she was stunning. She was a model in Hungary before she escaped. I mean, she was, she was just banging, right? So we get these bags of letters and the one letter that catches her eye is of this guy, I will say Subash, this is Indian name. And he's in front of a Mercedes convertible.

• 35:47Speaker 01

  They're sending pictures?

• 35:48Speaker 03

  Photos, of course.

• 35:49Speaker 01

  Man. Going through the letters with your mom? Hey, you wanna bang this Indian dude? That's crazy.

• 35:56Speaker 03

  And he's got the Mercedes and Armani suit, a Rolli, and he's got those old school car phones, the brick, dude.

• 36:02Speaker 01

  The big drums, the Zack Morris.

• 36:04H. Foley?

  That's pretty good.

• 36:05Speaker 01

  What also, dude posing for that in the eighties is, that's money.

• 36:10Speaker 03

  He's wild, dude. So she sees that.

• 36:13Speaker 01

  She's slipping out of her seat.

• 36:14Speaker 03

  She's fucking done, dude. A month later, they're married. One month.

• 36:19H. Foley?

  One month.

• 36:20Speaker 03

  And I remember putting bets on it with my new stepsisters, my new stepfamily, how long this marriage will last. And I was like, it's gotta be a year tops, because my mom's like, super crazy. Like, she's hot, but she's nuts. There's no way. They lasted seventeen years.

• 36:34Speaker 01

  Wow.

• 36:35Speaker 03

  They were a fantastic couple.

• 36:37Speaker 01

  Good for them.

• 36:38Speaker 03

  Because they were both bananas, bonkers, batshit, crazy, and they would do business together. I don't know what he did.

• 36:45Speaker 01

  Just like perfectly intertwined. There was no like friction. Their craziness is married and did well.

• 36:52Speaker 03

  It was lovely. And he was sadly enough, the most paternal and functional of my stepparents.

• 36:59Speaker 01

  Gotcha.

• 37:00Speaker 03

  He loved comedy. He loved Jay Leno. He and I would watch comedy together and he would tell jokes and we would, you know, fart at the table and he was fun. I have memories of going to Rite Aid for ice cream, or Thrifty, it's called Thrifty in LA, for pistachio ice cream. He loved that. And he'd go, hold on. He was fat. He was really fat.

• 37:21Speaker 01

  Really? I did not picture him fat.

• 37:23H. Foley?

  I didn't picture him either.

• 37:24Speaker 03

  He was very fat. Because he grew up poor. So when he came to America, he was eating pizza and-

• 37:28Speaker 01

  Pistachio ice cream.

• 37:29Speaker 03

  Bear claws, yeah.

• 37:29H. Foley?

  You don't gotta tell me.

• 37:32Speaker 01

  You're Indian?

• 37:35Speaker 03

  He was, he was the fat guy who loved ice cream. So he said, oh, let's go, let's go to Thrifty and get some ice cream. And we get in the car and he go, hold on a minute. And he would get out of the car and he would take a blade and he would slash some guy's tires in the parking lot. And then get back in the car and then we would just go to Thrifty and get our ice cream.

• 37:52H. Foley?

  Why?

• 37:53Speaker 03

  Some guy did him dirty. Some business.

• 37:54Speaker 01

  Oh, it was like payback.

• 37:56Speaker 03

  Some guy did him dirty.

• 37:57H. Foley?

  So that, so going to get the ice cream was a partial cover?

• 38:00Speaker 03

  Well, it was, no, he wanted ice cream, but he just had to do this errand.

• 38:04Speaker 01

  Yeah, you're gonna, I mean, you're not gonna do that, go home, then go get ice cream. You're gonna knock it all out while you're in the car.

• 38:08Speaker 03

  Just knock it out, cause it was on the way. The parking lot was at the, it was right, it was on the way. So he just pulls over, we go, I'm like, what's, what's, you know, Subash doing? Oh, he's just slashing a guy's tire in the car. And my mother was there too. And I remember she's like high fiving him and like, they love it. And that was their dynamic. Yeah, they would start, he would start fights in like grocery stores, like telling people to shut their, you know, shut your fucking kid up. And then my mother would hype it. Like my mom was her, my mom was the hype man and I know, look at your face.

• 38:38Speaker 01

  Also, this, this.

• 38:39H. Foley?

  You opened this up with, he was the most paternal.

• 38:42Speaker 01

  Person.

• 38:42Speaker 03

  He what? But here's the crazy part is that to me, like the coolest.

• 38:47Speaker 01

  Sure.

• 38:48Speaker 03

  Stepdad. I got, I lucked out and I look, a lot of stepdads are like super molesting and pervy. Like he wasn't like, he encouraged me to be comedian.

• 38:57Speaker 01

  That's great.

• 38:58Speaker 03

  I know. It's kind of sad that this is like the most supportive adult I had, but.

• 39:02H. Foley?

  Yeah, like to slash tires.

• 39:04Speaker 03

  Yeah, our lawn got set on fire. Cause some, some, somebody was retaliating against him.

• 39:08Speaker 01

  Whatever he did.

• 39:09H. Foley?

  Hey, Kippy.

• 39:10Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 39:11H. Foley?

  Let's talk about Pretty Litter. I'll take the lead on this, cause I got a nice kitty cat at home and she loves that Pretty Litter. Let me tell you the real story. Here's, here's, here's, I'm pulling it back the fourth wall a little bit. All right? Before Pretty Litter became a sponsor, we were using something else.

• 39:26Speaker 01

  Bozo stuff.

• 39:27H. Foley?

  Bozo stuff. It stunk. It was clumped up. It was heavy bringing it upstairs. It would get everywhere. Then Pretty Litter comes along. I got the cat in the family. I take it home. I tell the broad, I'm like, hey, we got a new sponsor. She sees it. She's like, oh my God, Pretty Litter. She's going nuts. I'm like, this broad screwballs. She throws that in there. Man, it's absolutely fantastic. It lasts long. All right. It's not heavy. The crystals are phenomenal. And if there's something going on with the cat's urinary tract, the crystals are going to let you know.

• 40:00Speaker 01

  They can indicate.

• 40:01H. Foley?

  If you love your cat, you gotta be using PrettyLitter.

• 40:04Speaker 01

  Yeah. Indoor cats and indoor humans agree. PrettyLitter helps your house smell fresh and clean. So go to prettylitter.com/garbage to save 20% on your first order and get a free cat toy. Big man likes that. That's prettylitter.com/garbage. Save 20% on your first order and get a free cat toy. One more time, prettylitter.com/garbage. Terms and conditions apply. See the site for details.

• 40:23H. Foley?

  Sure. Hold on a second, gang. I'm gonna talk to you about Mando. I'm talking to you, big boys out there.

• 40:29Speaker 01

  And big gals.

• 40:30H. Foley?

  Deodorant is not just for your pits anymore. All right. It's 2025. You stink. I stink. There's a lot of cracks and crevices. We're talking about folds.

• 40:41Speaker 01

  Gets spicy. Mui Caliety.

• 40:44H. Foley?

  We're talking about aromas that are unpleasant to the smell.

• 40:48Speaker 01

  Uh huh.

• 40:49H. Foley?

  So do yourself a favor. Get Mando. It's the all over body deodorant. You can use it just about anywhere. Don't brush your teeth with it, obviously, but you can use it just about everywhere else. And it's absolutely fantastic.

• 40:58Speaker 01

  Yeah. It was created by a doctor who saw firsthand how normal BO was being misdiagnosed and mistreated. It's clinically proven to block odor all day and control odor for up to 72 hours.

• 41:07H. Foley?

  Woo! That's three days.

• 41:08Speaker 01

  Uh, here they got the solid stick. They got the solid deodorant stick. It's formulated and powered by mandolic acid to stop odor before it even starts. Get ahead of the game. Then they got spray deodorant, which is aluminum free and ideal for those hard to reach places, which buddy, I got two or three of them.

• 41:24H. Foley?

  I got five or six.

• 41:26Speaker 01

  Like we said, it's clinically proven to control odor better than a shower and soap alone. 12 hours after a shower, the average man's grundle odor is a level is five out of 10. And with Mando, the average grundle odor level was zero out of 10. Those numbers don't lie. Uh, let's get to the turkey. Mando Starter Pack is perfect for new customers. It comes with a solid stick deodorant, cream tube deodorant, two free products of your choice, like the mini body wash and the deodorant wipes. I like the wipes, plus reshipping. As a special offer for AYG listeners and new customers, you get $5 off a starter pack with our exclusive code. That equates to over 40% off your starter pack with code garbage at shopmando.com. S-H-O-P-M-A-N-D-O.com. Please support our show and tell them we sent

• 42:09Speaker 01

  you. Smell fresher, stay drier, boost your confidence. Head to toe with Mando. Do it. Now back to the show.

• 42:14H. Foley?

  Would you say, so what was the, the house like, you said you moved from?

• 42:18Speaker 01

  A two bedroom to?

• 42:19Speaker 03

  Oh, sorry. So we go to two bedroom into this like, I finally now I'm living in like this really nice house.

• 42:24H. Foley?

  You guys are rich. All of a sudden, bang, you're rich.

• 42:26Speaker 03

  Overnight. It's like, literally, we get, my mom marries this guy, she gets the rock, she gets a Mercedes, and she literally takes her Mercedes to her, her gym, where she works out at, the women's only.

• 42:38H. Foley?

  Okay.

• 42:39Speaker 03

  In, in the valley, and she's like, "Look at these bitches, I'm rich now." Like, she's like, "What's up? I've got money."

• 42:45H. Foley?

  She slashed everybody's tires, went and got some rocky road and went home.

• 42:49Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 42:49H. Foley?

  Like a lady.

• 42:50Speaker 01

  What were some of the businesses, like, what was it, like, real estate, was it like importing ex, like, what was the?

• 42:55Speaker 03

  Right. So I found out later, uh, before he passed, basically, he was a shy lock, so he would loan money.

• 43:02H. Foley?

  Loaning money. Alright.

• 43:04Speaker 03

  And he would take the deed to your house.

• 43:06Speaker 01

  House or car.

• 43:06H. Foley?

  Okay.

• 43:07Speaker 03

  So at his time of his death, he had had all these deeds to every motherfucker's house in LA, and he was like, he was, he was stacked, he did.

• 43:15H. Foley?

  No kidding.

• 43:15Speaker 03

  So that was one of them. I really don't know.

• 43:18H. Foley?

  Where'd that cash go?

• 43:18Speaker 03

  I'm sorry?

• 43:19H. Foley?

  Where'd that, where'd, where'd, where'd all those properties and stuff go?

• 43:21Speaker 03

  My stepsisters inherited.

• 43:23H. Foley?

  Okay.

• 43:23Speaker 03

  That, yeah.

• 43:24H. Foley?

  Alright.

• 43:24Speaker 03

  I mean, there were ti, there was a time he was about to go to prison, and I don't know, somehow he got out of it.

• 43:29Speaker 01

  Something.

• 43:30Speaker 03

  But one thing I do love, and I will say, is my Indian stepdad did believe that in America, if you were rich, it transcended your race, it transcended your background.

• 43:44Speaker 01

  It's tr, it's kinda true.

• 43:45Speaker 03

  It's fucking true, bro, because look at his ass, like, he's like some fucking nobody from Bombay, he shows up, he marries this hot ass Hungarian lady with big tits and blonde hair, and like, is driving a Mercedes, like, only in America.

• 43:58Speaker 01

  Can that happen?

• 43:59Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 43:59Speaker 01

  Also, like, you can go to the nice rest, it's not like, you're in the highest class, it's like, you can go to the nice restaurants.

• 44:04Speaker 03

  Got the chills, yeah, like, and so both my, my-

• 44:06Speaker 01

  The American dream, unfortunately.

• 44:08Speaker 03

  My dad and my stepdad are like these hardcore-

• 44:11H. Foley?

  Killing it.

• 44:12Speaker 03

  Wow, dude, like, you can fucking do that? Like, yes, you can. I don't know about today, but back in the day.

• 44:17Speaker 01

  Okay.

• 44:18H. Foley?

  Man, that's wild.

• 44:19Speaker 03

  I know.

• 44:19Speaker 01

  Well, and then you-

• 44:20H. Foley?

  Yeah, they got the internet and facial ID and all that kinda stuff now, fingerprints, DNA, it'd be a little tricky.

• 44:25Speaker 03

  So, so I wanted to work when I was a teenager, and I, legally, I had to be 15, he changed my birth certificate. What?

• 44:35Speaker 03

  So I could work legally, legally. So my birth certificate, he augment, he could do that. Like he would fix papers. Back in the day you could in the 90s.

• 44:43Speaker 01

  I was like white out in a typewriter and you could do it.

• 44:45Speaker 03

  Yes, it was that easy. You could fix loan docs. You could fix payroll or pay stubs.

• 44:51Speaker 01

  Yeah, yeah, yeah. We do, I'll do that for our employees. If they're trying to get a lease or something. If somebody was trying to get a lease, they're like, I don't make enough. I'm like, I write the checks, dude.

• 44:59H. Foley?

  Yeah, you do. What are you talking about?

• 45:01Speaker 01

  You don't have New York if we, if you document the papers, right? Idiots. Yeah, I, we also, I have that thing of like.

• 45:07Speaker 03

  In your family too? Or you do it?

• 45:11Speaker 01

  Yeah, a little bit. Well, yeah, there was some, not criminal, but just morally questionable.

• 45:18H. Foley?

  They're not loan sharks. Let's put it that way.

• 45:22Speaker 01

  A lot of family members don't talk to each other anymore. Let's just leave it at that.

• 45:25Speaker 03

  Yes, I have that too. You know, I have friends, relatives, Hungarian shit. Like, there's this one guy my, my dad was friends with, he's passed away now too. Like, his racket was like getting inkjet printers.

• 45:40Speaker 01

  So specific.

• 45:41Speaker 03

  Ink cartridges and then refilling them and selling them.

• 45:45Speaker 01

  With bad ink or something?

• 45:47Speaker 03

  That's your racket, bro?

• 45:48H. Foley?

  That's a hustle.

• 45:49Speaker 03

  What's that, 50 bucks a pop? Like, come on.

• 45:52H. Foley?

  Talk about playing the long game.

• 45:53Speaker 03

  I like it though.

• 45:54Speaker 01

  Those things were hard to get and expensive at the time. That was, and everybody would go, the ink's where they get you.

• 45:59H. Foley?

  You're gonna be real sorry when you're running a toner, I'll tell you that.

• 46:03Speaker 03

  That's 100%. That was it. That was the time.

• 46:06Speaker 01

  Well, yeah, the printers a hundred bucks, but you're spending 80 every month on inkjet.

• 46:10Speaker 03

  That and like I had a relative who during communism was like, got, was in some ring of sending jeans back to.

• 46:18H. Foley?

  That was big.

• 46:19Speaker 01

  That was big.

• 46:19H. Foley?

  Blue jeans and Beatles tapes. That was it.

• 46:21Speaker 01

  Yeah, the Europeans, they love that shit. They still don't have Levi's really over there. They do a little bit now, but still for the longest time, there's no Levi's.

• 46:28H. Foley?

  Did other family come over? Or like once, once the wall fell and all that stuff, you guys, I guess, reconnected with your family over there? Were some of them over here?

• 46:37Speaker 03

  Yeah, most of us, most of them got out and then, then they went back, which to me is like, bro. What? Like, around the 90s, my dad remarries to a Hungarian woman.

• 46:48H. Foley?

  Okay.

• 46:48Speaker 03

  And so now he's like rekindling these roots of like.

• 46:51Speaker 01

  It's Hungarianism.

• 46:52H. Foley?

  I get that a little bit.

• 46:54Speaker 03

  I do too.

• 46:54H. Foley?

  Yeah.

• 46:55Speaker 03

  So they get a property in Hungary. So now we're going to Budapest to break, like every year we go, or not every year, every few years in the summer or whatever, I go talk to some fucking foreign cousins and get diarrhea.

• 47:06H. Foley?

  This is nuts.

• 47:07Speaker 03

  I know, it's so worse. Now, the best part is when I turned 18, my dad.

• 47:12Speaker 01

  This is all before 18. That's fucking crazy, dude.

• 47:15H. Foley?

  Then I got to 5th grade. 5th grade!

• 47:20Speaker 03

  I know, then I turned 18!

• 47:23H. Foley?

  What was the first job, by the way, that he forged the documents?

• 47:25Speaker 03

  Oh, so awesome. Mary Landor Marketing Research.

• 47:28Speaker 01

  Working in marketing research at 15? Wait, what are you?

• 47:30H. Foley?

  You're scamming too?

• 47:31Speaker 01

  What are you doing though there? Like receptionist?

• 47:34Speaker 03

  Hi, this is Christina calling from Mary Landor Marketing Research. I was wondering if we had a few minutes today to take just a brief survey?

• 47:40Speaker 01

  You're born to be a dirtbag.

• 47:41Speaker 03

  What?

• 47:42Speaker 01

  That's cra- you, who, who tried?

• 47:43H. Foley?

  You were doing Ponzi schemes?

• 47:45Speaker 01

  That's crazy.

• 47:46Speaker 03

  But before that, I worked in my dad's shop.

• 47:48Speaker 01

  Working in an Indian call center?

• 47:54Speaker 01

  This is Christine.

• 47:55Speaker 03

  Hi, dude, thank you. Thank you for calling. But before that, I worked in my dad's shop in the summers and I would answer his phones.

• 48:02H. Foley?

  Okay, that, that, that makes sense.

• 48:03Speaker 01

  Yeah, shop girl. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. That's fine.

• 48:06Speaker 03

  But then I'd like, they asked me questions about pallet jacks and shit, so I had to learn about like.

• 48:10Speaker 01

  I know, I know my way around a pallet jack.

• 48:12Speaker 03

  I do too, unfortunately. Or like propane versus electric forklifts and shit like that.

• 48:18Speaker 01

  I used to sell electric forklift batteries at one point.

• 48:19Speaker 03

  Okay, well, yeah, those run out. Those.

• 48:22Speaker 01

  They do, and the guy I was working for had a chemical process.

• 48:24H. Foley?

  You can refill those.

• 48:26Speaker 01

  Well, that's what he was doing. He was, he was, they were, it was called new life batteries. It would make, he would take, we'd buy old batteries.

• 48:32Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 48:33Speaker 01

  And then he had some sort of chemical process where he could.

• 48:35Speaker 03

  Reanimate?

• 48:35Speaker 01

  Reanimate, yeah, to like 80% of their whatever, or something like that.

• 48:38Speaker 03

  That shit's so shady, dude.

• 48:40Speaker 01

  I know, it was, yeah.

• 48:41H. Foley?

  What was high school? Were you a good student in high school?

• 48:43Speaker 03

  Disastrous. Okay, so this is a nightmare. So by the time I'm in the middle of 9th grade, I told you I, I lose my mind, because I'm like, dude, my family is, something's wrong here.

• 48:51Speaker 01

  Sure.

• 48:51Speaker 03

  But I blame myself. I think I'm the one that's crazy. You don't know when you're a kid that your parents are messed up, you think you're messed up. So I get really depressed and I just like stopped going to school. Like 9th grade, I was just like, you know what? I'm not going to school. And I would get into fights with like cholas and black girls and stuff, like. I just got into fights a lot.

• 49:11Speaker 01

  Did you fight?

• 49:11Speaker 03

  Yeah. I didn't li- I'm, when I say-

• 49:14Speaker 01

  You have that Eastern Bloc fucking, you know, no surrender, no retreat in ya.

• 49:19Speaker 03

  I don't say I won any fights.

• 49:21Speaker 01

  But you were in it.

• 49:22Speaker 03

  I fought back, I should say.

• 49:23Speaker 01

  Sure.

• 49:23Speaker 03

  I got my ass beat a lot, and I was like, I was Goth and I was getting into, you know, just experimenting with drugs and-

• 49:31H. Foley?

  This is when you're in the nice house, though. You're out of the apartment and all that stuff, right?

• 49:34Speaker 03

  I'm out of the apartment, I'm in the nice house, it's ninth grade, my life is completely changed, because I have this, like, new stepfamily and... Yeah, and I'm just getting depressed and weird, and I'm trying drugs, and I'm like, mm, I'm not gonna go to school anymore, don't like it there. And my grades just go straight fails, or no, sorry, straight D's. Straight D's. I failed gym, but I begged the teacher to give me a D so that I could transfer out and go to Catholic school. Because my mother saw that I was failing, and God bless her for going like, "Yeah, you need help." And I was like, "Put me in a mental hospital, I think I need mental help, I'm crazy." She's like, "No, no, no, you don't need, just go to Catholic school."

• 50:13H. Foley?

  I think you dentist.

• 50:16Speaker 03

  So that was her solution, to send me to Catholic school, and I loved it, because the structure, the nuns, I, you know, hey, I, I loved Catholic school, and it saved me.

• 50:26Speaker 01

  It was a, you know, a structure in a life of chaos, essentially.

• 50:30Speaker 03

  Essentially, and I found great friends, and I, my best friend I met still is my best friend to this day from that place, I wore a uniform there. And I thrived, and then my grades got better and better, and I eventually eked my way into college.

• 50:45H. Foley?

  Nice.

• 50:45Speaker 03

  High school is a disaster, because home life now, stepdad, is doing his thing, and, you know, uh, what's going on where, what, why, uh, why didn't his windshield get shot out?

• 50:58H. Foley?

  Gotcha.

• 50:59Speaker 03

  Why, you know, there's fights, there's plates of food being thrown, it's getting, it's getting hectic.

• 51:03H. Foley?

  Gotcha.

• 51:04Speaker 03

  It's getting hectic. Um, so I'm just out.

• 51:07Speaker 01

  Good lord.

• 51:08Speaker 03

  Huh?

• 51:08Speaker 01

  Good, that just, that hit me, not on a po- on a human level, not podcast, I'm like-

• 51:13H. Foley?

  If I came out in the morning and my mom's windshield was shot out, I'd have some questions before I got on the bus.

• 51:19Speaker 01

  I know, you're like, alright.

• 51:22Speaker 03

  But that's the thing is like, when you grow up and that, you don't ask questions. You're just like, oh yeah, that happens. Like, you don't even... So, so basically I start spending more time at my friend's house.

• 51:31Speaker 01

  Gotcha.

• 51:32Speaker 03

  My boyfriend's house. At the time, I have a great boyfriend who's sweet. And I make a good group of goth friends and I'm, I'm just not home very much until I get into college. And then I'm like, later.

• 51:42H. Foley?

  Where was college?

• 51:43Speaker 03

  University of San Francisco.

• 51:45H. Foley?

  Nice.

• 51:45Speaker 01

  Good.

• 51:46Speaker 03

  I got in on academic probation. I barely eked... I didn't even break a thousand on my SATs.

• 51:51Speaker 01

  That was gonna be my next question.

• 51:52Speaker 03

  I was so stupid, I couldn't do it.

• 51:54H. Foley?

  What'd you get?

• 51:55Speaker 03

  I couldn't do it. I was like, I didn't, I didn't...

• 51:57Speaker 01

  Nine something, eight something?

• 51:59Speaker 03

  Eight something. Eight, I was so stupid.

• 52:01H. Foley?

  I got an eight seventy.

• 52:02Speaker 03

  You did?

• 52:03H. Foley?

  Yeah. Studied my ass off.

• 52:05Speaker 01

  The thousand is the barometer.

• 52:06Speaker 03

  Yeah, I'm like, I'm fucking...

• 52:08Speaker 01

  Sure.

• 52:09Speaker 03

  But I wasn't... It just turned out I had a tough... I couldn't study. How can you study when there's chaos?

• 52:14Speaker 01

  When there's a fucking machine gun going off out front.

• 52:17H. Foley?

  Getting death threats at the house every third call.

• 52:20Speaker 03

  Yeah, so once I'm in college, I get good grades. For the first time in my life, I'm getting straight A's. And I'm like, oh, okay, I'm not stupid. I'm just... My home life is too messed up.

• 52:28Speaker 01

  What, uh, what was the first concert? You're goth? What's the first concert?

• 52:33H. Foley?

  Do we know the band? Were they, were they, like a big goth band?

• 52:36Speaker 03

  The best, best goth band in the world.

• 52:39H. Foley?

  The Smiths.

• 52:40Speaker 03

  Oh, they were broken up by the time I... I'm thirteen years old, so like nineteen eighty-eight.

• 52:45H. Foley?

  Okay.

• 52:46Speaker 03

  L.A. Dodger Stadium.

• 52:50H. Foley?

  Depeche Mode.

• 52:51Speaker 03

  I wish, no.

• 52:52H. Foley?

  Am I close?

• 52:53Speaker 03

  Yes.

• 52:54H. Foley?

  Huh.

• 52:54Speaker 01

  This is more him, I'm young.

• 52:56Speaker 03

  Love and Rockets is the opening band, Pixies.

• 52:58H. Foley?

  Pixies. I don't know. Hit us.

• 53:02Speaker 03

  The Cure.

• 53:03H. Foley?

  Ahhh! It was right there.

• 53:07Speaker 01

  That's a great one.

• 53:08H. Foley?

  And more pop at that point, too. If we're splitting hairs.

• 53:11Speaker 03

  That's trash.

• 53:12H. Foley?

  I think pictures of you would already come out.

• 53:14Speaker 03

  And here's the cool part about that. So I make friends with, I'm sure I can talk about this because she's written books about it, with Jennifer Pentland, who's Roseanne Barr's daughter.

• 53:23H. Foley?

  Okay.

• 53:24Speaker 03

  She and I, Pentland and Pajitski, she's got access to money.

• 53:28H. Foley?

  Sure.

• 53:29Speaker 03

  No one's watching that either. No one's home there.

• 53:32H. Foley?

  Wait, this is when Roseanne's on the air, it's popping?

• 53:34Speaker 03

  This is like, she's at the height.

• 53:35Speaker 01

  The height of Roseanne.

• 53:36H. Foley?

  And that was a height.

• 53:38Speaker 03

  It was so much fun.

• 53:39Speaker 01

  You've lived so many lives.

• 53:40H. Foley?

  It's crazy.

• 53:41Speaker 03

  A thousand, that's what I say, that's so funny, I feel like it. Anyway, so I make friends with her and for the first time in my life, I also see comedy. God, I'm gonna cry. And I see like it's possible to have fun and their home is fun and her father, Bill Pentland, oh, they saved my life. Um, sorry, I wasn't supposed to cry on a fucking comedy show. But their home is fun and they have stuff in their living room, like a fake spaghetti thing that's like plastic and the fork is in there.

• 54:12H. Foley?

  That was a good, that was a good bit in the eighties.

• 54:14Speaker 03

  It was so fun. Because he was a funny guy, they were funny people and like, I just love that family and I credit them for saving my...

• 54:21Speaker 01

  That's amazing.

• 54:21Speaker 03

  The Pentlands, like shout out to that whole family for saving me, basically. Um, so, who's the point? Oh, so, um, we got lots of access to money and time and we took a limousine.

• 54:34H. Foley?

  Being able to go to the...

• 54:35Speaker 03

  To The Cure.

• 54:36H. Foley?

  Cure concerts, yeah.

• 54:37Speaker 03

  We took a limo to Dodger Stadium when I'm 13 to see The Cure and I was like, oh, what is this life? Like, this is so lucky.

• 54:44H. Foley?

  Did you meet Robert Smith?

• 54:45Speaker 03

  I wish.

• 54:46H. Foley?

  Man, I was in love with him when I was a kid.

• 54:47Speaker 03

  No, you weren't.

• 54:48H. Foley?

  Ah, dude, he was the coolest.

• 54:49Speaker 03

  Shut your fucking mouth.

• 54:50H. Foley?

  I loved him.

• 54:51Speaker 03

  No, you didn't.

• 54:52H. Foley?

  This was before he got heavy. So when he was thin, he had the under eye makeup and the hair.

• 54:56Speaker 03

  You were...

• 54:56H. Foley?

  Yeah, what do you mean, those guys were killing it.

• 54:58Speaker 03

  Are you like gay for him? Are you, you have gay feelings?

• 55:00H. Foley?

  I wanted to be him.

• 55:01Speaker 03

  Yeah, me too.

• 55:01H. Foley?

  Dude, Boys Don't Cry, that killed me.

• 55:04Speaker 03

  I didn't know you were alt.

• 55:05H. Foley?

  Ah, I loved that shit.

• 55:06Speaker 03

  Really?

• 55:08H. Foley?

  Loved it.

• 55:08Speaker 03

  Oh, you're so gay.

• 55:11H. Foley?

  Oh, I'm sorry. You don't want crying.

• 55:13Speaker 04

  I know, I'm such a...

• 55:16Speaker 03

  Yeah, so that was that.

• 55:18H. Foley?

  Guy wrote good songs. What do you want from me?

• 55:20Speaker 03

  He's amazing.

• 55:21H. Foley?

  Yeah, they were great.

• 55:22Speaker 03

  But.

• 55:22H. Foley?

  Pictures of you, I heard the first time. Uh, my, the night of my prom, we were taking acid. In like, in like a house after the prom and that song came on and I was like, man, that's a fucking hit.

• 55:35Speaker 03

  You weren't acid at the prom or after?

• 55:37H. Foley?

  At prom and after prom, yeah.

• 55:38Speaker 03

  How did you survive?

• 55:40H. Foley?

  I don't know. It's kind of my thing back then.

• 55:43Speaker 03

  Yeah, no, me too. We all.

• 55:44H. Foley?

  I used to wrestle in high school on it.

• 55:45Speaker 03

  Oh my.

• 55:46H. Foley?

  Yeah.

• 55:47Speaker 03

  How much acid have you done?

• 55:48H. Foley?

  Good amount.

• 55:49Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 55:50H. Foley?

  Yeah, I'm a little screwball, to be honest with you. Both of us are pretty fucked up. I don't know if you picked that up.

• 55:54Speaker 03

  Have you done acid too?

• 55:55Speaker 01

  No, I, I, I, I, no.

• 55:58Speaker 03

  Yeah, cause.

• 55:58H. Foley?

  He's a drinker.

• 55:59Speaker 01

  I'm a drinker. I go from a long line of like, you don't do drugs, but we'll give you beers at 14 on the ride home from the party. And you go, alright.

• 56:07Speaker 03

  I know. I know, cause all these kids are on Molly or fentanyl now, whatever. I'm like, dude, we fried our brains with LSD.

• 56:14H. Foley?

  Sure.

• 56:15Speaker 03

  That's real. And a formative year. It's like 14, 15, 16.

• 56:18H. Foley?

  Yeah, first time I took it was when I was a senior in high school and I loved it. And I was like, at certain times on it, I was like at my, I was the best possible version of myself on it. I know that sounds crazy.

• 56:30Speaker 03

  No.

• 56:30H. Foley?

  But like I was.

• 56:33Speaker 03

  No Doc Ellis. You know Doc Ellis?

• 56:36H. Foley?

  Doc Ellis? No.

• 56:37Speaker 03

  He pitched a perfect.

• 56:39Speaker 01

  He threw a no hitter on it, yeah.

• 56:40H. Foley?

  Oh, yes, of course. Okay, yeah.

• 56:42Speaker 03

  So don't you poo poo psychedelics. Don't you poo poo your LSD.

• 56:45H. Foley?

  I thought we were on to something.

• 56:47Speaker 01

  These cameras aren't even on right now.

• 56:53H. Foley?

  Yeah, no, I honestly, I felt like I was, I was at my best self. I also feel like the acid at that time from like 93 to 97, they had the mix right or something. I don't know. But it was alright.

• 57:08Speaker 03

  And then it went downhill by 98, cause there was too much like strychnine or weird shit in it.

• 57:13H. Foley?

  Sure. The Dead stopped touring, it was all over.

• 57:15Speaker 03

  Yeah. I think there's a correlation.

• 57:18H. Foley?

  100%. Our college was right outside of Phila-, where I went to college was right outside of Philadelphia. And our, the fraternity I was in, they were kind of like stoner, deadhead-y kind of guys. Whenever the Grateful Dead would come in, the two weeks before it and the two weeks after it, the drugs were flowing like water and it was all top shelf good stuff.

• 57:37Speaker 03

  I agree, cause I, when I went to college in San Francisco, same thing. The drugs were amazing.

• 57:42H. Foley?

  Yeah.

• 57:42Speaker 03

  Great time. Yeah.

• 57:44H. Foley?

  Put that on the brochure. University of San Francisco. Jugs are good.

• 57:49Speaker 03

  They really were.

• 57:50Speaker 01

  Only between 93 and 98. So get your time machine, folks, if you really want to go far out.

• 57:57H. Foley?

  So The Cure was your first concert, Dodger Stadium.

• 57:59Speaker 01

  That's a great one.

• 58:00H. Foley?

  That's pretty classy.

• 58:01Speaker 01

  That might be one of the best ones.

• 58:01H. Foley?

  Took a limo.

• 58:03Speaker 03

  I took a limo.

• 58:04H. Foley?

  Did you ever go to the set? You go to the set of Roseanne?

• 58:06Speaker 03

  I did.

• 58:07H. Foley?

  Man.

• 58:07Speaker 03

  I did, and because they like-

• 58:08H. Foley?

  That's when it was all happening.

• 58:10Speaker 03

  I mean, I'm doing the chills.

• 58:12Speaker 01

  Dude, that was- All happening, Jack. Fucking Joe Hollywood over here.

• 58:15H. Foley?

  I mean, it was such a, it was such a big, she was so big.

• 58:18Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 58:18H. Foley?

  That was like the first time in a, in a while, from like the late 70s, where they showed a family that wasn't doing well.

• 58:25Speaker 01

  Yeah, a middle-class struggle, yeah, like struggling family, yeah.

• 58:28Speaker 03

  Listen, she is, I think, just the greatest of, I just loved her so, I still love her so much. And yes, we visited the set, and I remember like seeing a craft service table, which, I don't know, why, why do they call it a craft service? I thought that, I don't know why they fucking call, it's just like a table of snacks.

• 58:44Speaker 01

  Yeah, sure.

• 58:45Speaker 03

  And being like, oh my god, they get all these snacks.

• 58:48Speaker 01

  Nutritive bars, thin fast, what the hell?

• 58:52Speaker 03

  I gotta get into show business.

• 58:55Speaker 01

  Free granola for everybody?

• 58:56H. Foley?

  Nice crafties, alright.

• 58:58Speaker 01

  Sure.

• 58:59Speaker 03

  And I, I loved that family too, because there's this, I remember, so I went to the, her wedding to Tom Arnold, and-

• 59:06H. Foley?

  That's nuts, that you were at that. That was a huge story.

• 59:10Speaker 03

  Look in Time Mag-

• 59:10Speaker 01

  You're like Forrest Gump. You were at Tom Arnold and Roseanne Barr's wedding.

• 59:15H. Foley?

  How many times have you met Richard Nixon?

• 59:20Speaker 03

  That's William Forrest Gump. There's so many, I can tell you stories where I'm like, why am I in this room right now? I just-

• 59:25Speaker 01

  That's nuts.

• 59:26H. Foley?

  You went to Tom Arnold and Roseanne's wedding?

• 59:28Speaker 03

  Look it up, it's a, there's an issue of Time Magazine.

• 59:32Speaker 01

  I'm on the cover.

• 59:33Speaker 03

  I'm not on the cover. But, I, I, I was 13 or 14, I think, and I was wearing a purple velvet dress that I bought at a- You know, what is a vintage store?

• 59:43Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 59:44Speaker 03

  And Jenny's sitting next to me and she's making a goofy face.

• 59:46Speaker 01

  That's crazy.

• 59:48Speaker 03

  And.

• 59:48Speaker 01

  You're like in the fold because you're, you're sitting next to the daughter.

• 59:50Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 59:51Speaker 01

  So you're like in the fucking fold.

• 59:53Speaker 03

  Right there, front row. And, and um, there's this great quote in that article I'll never forget. She goes, we're America's nightmare. We're white trash with money.

• 1:00:03Speaker 01

  Welcome to the show.

• 1:00:04Speaker 03

  Yeah, exactly.

• 1:00:05Speaker 01

  Welcome to the show.

• 1:00:06Speaker 03

  Exactly. And I, I so respected her for that too of like, money, money doesn't change you, bro. It just makes you who you are. And you know, that's why it can amplify real issues.

• 1:00:20H. Foley?

  Those two wreaked havoc.

• 1:00:21Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:00:22H. Foley?

  At ABC for a minute.

• 1:00:23Speaker 03

  Well.

• 1:00:24H. Foley?

  When that whole thing was going on, when they were together.

• 1:00:26Speaker 03

  Uh, listen, I won't talk about that, but.

• 1:00:29Speaker 01

  Sure.

• 1:00:29Speaker 03

  Yeah, that.

• 1:00:31Speaker 01

  No, yeah, money will just amplify whatever issue you have going on. It's like, you know, you just buy, you know, stupid shit.

• 1:00:37Speaker 03

  But that's why people, like, it's a great quote. And I think about it all the time when I, in my own life now, I'm like, look, I, I may be wearing nicer shoes, but on the inside.

• 1:00:47H. Foley?

  Oh, we're aware.

• 1:00:50H. Foley?

  Thanks, Snakebite.

• 1:00:52Speaker 03

  You know, you are who you are. Uh, but yeah.

• 1:00:55Speaker 01

  Well, yeah, we've always said too, like, it's not, money doesn't, it doesn't depend on money. And it's also like, money can get like, maybe your kids will be 10% different.

• 1:01:03Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 1:01:04Speaker 01

  But like, you're just less trashy because you're.

• 1:01:07H. Foley?

  The kid stabbed her last night. What are you talking about?

• 1:01:11Speaker 03

  My kid brought a hammer to school last week.

• 1:01:15Speaker 01

  I'm gonna hit a jewelry store after this smash and grab job.

• 1:01:17Speaker 03

  Jesus Christ. Yeah.

• 1:01:19Speaker 01

  Uh, all right, let's, let's run through a handful of the, of the standards.

• 1:01:23H. Foley?

  Sure. And just to stay on that note, on the, on the Roseanne tip, what was your use, when you got, when you started making money? Was there a crazy, irresponsible, stupid, trashy purchase?

• 1:01:36Speaker 01

  We didn't need the hot tub or the wave runner, the.

• 1:01:39Speaker 03

  You know what's so funny? It's because I'm such like communist mentality, I still have guilt. I don't, I don't do that. So.

• 1:01:46H. Foley?

  Really?

• 1:01:46Speaker 03

  No, I'm the opposite.

• 1:01:48H. Foley?

  So the first big check you didn't go out and buy like?

• 1:01:51Speaker 03

  No, I moved out of the ghetto. We moved out of, uh, we were living down. I'll tell you what I just did.

• 1:01:55Speaker 01

  That sounds pretty good.

• 1:01:56Speaker 03

  Yeah. That, this is what I do, is I will buy the most nicest of the.

• 1:02:04Speaker 03

  It's not a shitty thing, I don't want to say that. Like, Tom will be like, "Do you want a nice car?" And I'll be like, "I just want a Volkswagen bus." I've wanted one for my whole life.

• 1:02:11H. Foley?

  They just started putting them out again.

• 1:02:13Speaker 03

  I got one.

• 1:02:14H. Foley?

  You did? One of the new ones, or you got an old one?

• 1:02:16Speaker 03

  A new one.

• 1:02:16H. Foley?

  You did?

• 1:02:17Speaker 03

  So that, to me, is like... What? Like, I waited years before I...

• 1:02:23Speaker 01

  You could, yeah, you could have done it thirty, twenty years ago.

• 1:02:25H. Foley?

  Sure.

• 1:02:26Speaker 03

  I could have done it, yeah.

• 1:02:27Speaker 01

  Yeah, you could have done it way before right now.

• 1:02:29Speaker 03

  Yeah!

• 1:02:30H. Foley?

  They're only thirty grand.

• 1:02:31Speaker 01

  It's also like, it's the same, it's like a Camry. You can, you can lease it for four hundred bucks a month.

• 1:02:37H. Foley?

  Honda Civic.

• 1:02:37Speaker 03

  Yeah, yeah. But in my mind, I'm like, "I'm really being reckless here with money."

• 1:02:42Speaker 01

  Sure. Um, so I went back and bought my first car. I mean, it was only like, yeah, it's a nineteen ninety-five Chevy Lumina. And it was like, seven grand more than when I bought it in fucking two thousand or ninety, whatever it was.

• 1:02:58Speaker 03

  Sweet ride. Does it feel, what does it feel like?

• 1:03:01Speaker 01

  A waste of money?

• 1:03:02Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 1:03:03Speaker 01

  Uh, my wife's like, "Are you kidding me?" I also find it funny because like Tom's...

• 1:03:06H. Foley?

  Smoke cigarettes in there, though.

• 1:03:07Speaker 01

  Yeah, Tom, yeah.

• 1:03:07Speaker 03

  Of course you smoke cigarettes.

• 1:03:09Speaker 01

  I like because Tom's into cars, and I'm like, "I'll just, I want to go buy a bunch of, like, I want to buy like a Corolla from ninety-three."

• 1:03:14Speaker 03

  Yeah!

• 1:03:14Speaker 01

  And just have like a warehouse of shitty cars.

• 1:03:16Speaker 03

  Yeah, me too.

• 1:03:17Speaker 01

  Just shitty nineteen ninety cars, yeah.

• 1:03:19Speaker 03

  Or even just the cars that I saw other kids having. Like, I would love a Volkswagen Cabriolet.

• 1:03:25Speaker 01

  Whoa.

• 1:03:26Speaker 03

  A convertible?

• 1:03:27Speaker 01

  That's a cool kid car.

• 1:03:28H. Foley?

  Volkswagen Rabbit?

• 1:03:29Speaker 03

  That's what I'm talking about. Stick shift.

• 1:03:31H. Foley?

  Yeah.

• 1:03:32Speaker 03

  Like an Aqua.

• 1:03:33Speaker 01

  Can you drive stick?

• 1:03:34Speaker 03

  No, but I would learn for that one. Because my dad had one of those, and I thought, "Oh, that's so cool."

• 1:03:39H. Foley?

  I'm surprised you can't drive stick, to be honest.

• 1:03:41Speaker 01

  Yeah, Eastern European?

• 1:03:42Speaker 03

  I learned in Australia, actually. I can do it on the left side, because I was on road rolls, remember? I could do that on the, I learned in Australia.

• 1:03:48H. Foley?

  The left side? That's crazy. What was the first car?

• 1:03:51Speaker 03

  Suck. It fucking sucked, dude. My fucking boring-ass stepmom, dude, she's so fucking boring. She had like a gray Chevy Nova eighty-seven with a gray interior. I'm like, "How fucking uninspiring are you?" That like, the outside's gray, yeah. You couldn't even pick a color, bitch?

• 1:04:09H. Foley?

  An eighty-seven Chevy Nova, that's crazy. That's like a stuntman's car.

• 1:04:14Speaker 04

  I wish.

• 1:04:15Speaker 03

  I trashed, I smoked so much in that. The ashtray was overflowing.

• 1:04:20Speaker 01

  What was the go to cig? What were you smoking?

• 1:04:23Speaker 03

  Camel Lights, bro.

• 1:04:24Speaker 01

  Camel Lights, the Blues.

• 1:04:26Speaker 03

  No, no, this is before Blues. This is brown, whatever.

• 1:04:29Speaker 01

  Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 1:04:31Speaker 03

  Yeah, what are you smoking? I want to picture, can I guess?

• 1:04:34Speaker 01

  Shh, I've been all over the, all over the road, but yeah.

• 1:04:37Speaker 03

  I'm, I'm gonna go with you.

• 1:04:39Speaker 01

  Hit me.

• 1:04:40H. Foley?

  Salem 100s.

• 1:04:43Speaker 01

  Benson and hedges.

• 1:04:44H. Foley?

  Looks like a Capri man.

• 1:04:46Speaker 03

  Benson and hedges, menthol. Don't, don't tempt me with a good time.

• 1:04:49Speaker 01

  I smoked a Benson and hedge, we found a pack of Benson and hedges in the Oxford Valley Mall parking lot and we smoked them and we threw up. Like, I mean, it was bad.

• 1:04:57Speaker 03

  Okay, you at one point did smoke GPCs, the generics, to get by.

• 1:05:01Speaker 01

  No.

• 1:05:01Speaker 03

  Okay, okay, hold on, I'm not done. Marlboro Lights.

• 1:05:05Speaker 01

  That was, that was the last

• 1:05:08Speaker 01

  12 year, ah, last 15 years of probably Marlboro Lights, yeah. You're good, yeah.

• 1:05:13Speaker 03

  You smoked?

• 1:05:14H. Foley?

  I did.

• 1:05:14Speaker 01

  We just, we both just quit two months ago.

• 1:05:16H. Foley?

  In December.

• 1:05:17Speaker 03

  No, hold on, you. I think you really, you're gonna go for a stronger, you like a stronger pull? You like, you wanna feel that? I'm gonna go with like, I don't know when I say this, like filterless, maybe like a Yeah?

• 1:05:32Speaker 01

  Hillbilly?

• 1:05:32H. Foley?

  How old do you think I am?

• 1:05:34Speaker 03

  You roll your own, like drums?

• 1:05:37H. Foley?

  I was all pipes. Ah, Marlboro Reds. My dad smoked Marlboro Reds, we smoked Marlboro Reds.

• 1:05:42Speaker 03

  Reds are gnarly.

• 1:05:44H. Foley?

  Reds. And then mediums, when they kinda became fashionable, a little bit like maybe like college or whatever. Yeah.

• 1:05:50Speaker 03

  The Reds have, they used to say fiberglass in the filters. I don't know if that's true, but that's a gnarly one.

• 1:05:56H. Foley?

  He was a NOM, so he was a Reds man. He'd lay, he'd lay on the, lay on the floor watching TV like this, just ripping heaters. Yeah.

• 1:06:03Speaker 03

  You know, I still love cigarettes and I think there's

• 1:06:06Speaker 01

  I still love them, I'm only two months out, they're still the coolest thing that's ever happened to me.

• 1:06:09H. Foley?

  Yeah.

• 1:06:10Speaker 03

  I love booze, I love cigarette, I don't do any of it. I don't do any of it anymore. I love alcohol and cigarettes. Is there anything better than getting drunk and fucking ripping butts?

• 1:06:23H. Foley?

  No.

• 1:06:23Speaker 01

  No, there's not.

• 1:06:24Speaker 03

  Getting jacked on coffee, that cigarette?

• 1:06:27H. Foley?

  Coffee and cigarettes. Percocet, cup of coffee and a cigarette in the morning.

• 1:06:31Speaker 03

  That's what's up.

• 1:06:32H. Foley?

  Talk about Christmas all year round.

• 1:06:34Speaker 01

  A Percocet's from 95.

• 1:06:35H. Foley?

  The best.

• 1:06:36Speaker 03

  Perks, yeah. Well, yes, I, I agree. I never got to do Quaaludes, which is my biggest.

• 1:06:42H. Foley?

  Also one of my biggest regrets.

• 1:06:43Speaker 01

  Your biggest life regret?

• 1:06:43H. Foley?

  Yeah. Never got my hands on any lemons. Yeah, I got you.

• 1:06:47Speaker 03

  Lemon?

• 1:06:48H. Foley?

  We were gone by then.

• 1:06:48Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 1:06:49H. Foley?

  Yeah.

• 1:06:49Speaker 03

  I did do Valium in 8th grade. I stole Valium.

• 1:06:52Speaker 01

  8th grade?

• 1:06:53Speaker 03

  I did pod when I was 13.

• 1:06:55Speaker 01

  Yeah, me too. I smoked weed like 12 or 13.

• 1:06:58Speaker 03

  Oh wait, no, I lied. I lied. The first time I, I did pod, I was nine years old. I ate brownies at a party.

• 1:07:03Speaker 01

  That's crazy.

• 1:07:04Speaker 03

  I know.

• 1:07:05Speaker 01

  You did weed brownies at nine?

• 1:07:06Speaker 03

  Accidentally. I ate three of them. Yeah, passed out.

• 1:07:09H. Foley?

  Valley Bertinelli's house?

• 1:07:10Speaker 03

  That's so bad.

• 1:07:12Speaker 01

  Nine years old?

• 1:07:14Speaker 03

  I need to go to therapy after this. My life, my life can't be the worst. There's gotta be way worse.

• 1:07:19H. Foley?

  It's very interesting.

• 1:07:20Speaker 01

  It's very interesting.

• 1:07:21H. Foley?

  Very exciting.

• 1:07:22Speaker 01

  Yeah, it's very unique.

• 1:07:23H. Foley?

  Very awesome.

• 1:07:24Speaker 03

  Yeah, thanks. I'll write something.

• 1:07:26Speaker 01

  Let's say now, obviously now you're doing quite well, right? Just say you're going, let's say I invited you to my wedding.

• 1:07:31Speaker 03

  Hmm.

• 1:07:32Speaker 01

  Right? What is that gift gonna, what's the check gonna be?

• 1:07:36Speaker 03

  Hmm.

• 1:07:37H. Foley?

  What are you dropping?

• 1:07:38Speaker 01

  As a gift.

• 1:07:38Speaker 03

  Okay. I tell you something, because I don't think you need fucking dishes.

• 1:07:42Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:07:43Speaker 03

  You don't need.

• 1:07:43H. Foley?

  No, we're looking for cash.

• 1:07:45Speaker 03

  You need cash.

• 1:07:46H. Foley?

  A monetary value.

• 1:07:47Speaker 03

  You need cash. I would give you a thousand bones.

• 1:07:49H. Foley?

  Nice, there you go.

• 1:07:51Speaker 03

  Is that guy?

• 1:07:52H. Foley?

  Very nice.

• 1:07:53Speaker 01

  Great answer.

• 1:07:54Speaker 03

  My husband's more generous. He'll probably give you more.

• 1:07:56Speaker 01

  I forget, we could.

• 1:07:57H. Foley?

  I believe it was somewhere in there.

• 1:07:58Speaker 01

  It was living around there.

• 1:07:59H. Foley?

  Thousand, you're good.

• 1:08:00Speaker 01

  Yeah, a thousand, you're, you're, you're, you're doing great.

• 1:08:03Speaker 03

  That's, yeah, you have a duty, especially I always tip well too, because I've been a waitress.

• 1:08:08H. Foley?

  Love that.

• 1:08:08Speaker 03

  Fuck, I hate when, yeah, because, you know, you always know the celebrity that doesn't tip well, because they will tell that story forever.

• 1:08:15Speaker 01

  Yeah, I've heard, you know, I, so and so came in, they, you know.

• 1:08:18H. Foley?

  I got a couple.

• 1:08:19Speaker 03

  Tell me. I got two.

• 1:08:20H. Foley?

  I don't want to trash anybody. We'll talk off air.

• 1:08:22Speaker 03

  Allegedly?

• 1:08:23H. Foley?

  Yeah. Shmona and O'Brien. Not a, not a great tipper.

• 1:08:27Speaker 03

  Really?

• 1:08:27H. Foley?

  Oh, man.

• 1:08:29Speaker 03

  I know, you know who I heard, and he's got me too, so I can say his name.

• 1:08:32Speaker 01

  Who?

• 1:08:33Speaker 03

  I heard Jeremy Piven's not a good.

• 1:08:35H. Foley?

  Not a good tipper.

• 1:08:36Speaker 01

  I was notoriously, he left like a DVD of Entourage sign. But then I heard that like.

• 1:08:41Speaker 03

  I heard that story too.

• 1:08:42Speaker 01

  I heard that bounced back. They were like, they asked for, they're like, oh, we don't have it. So like he went, he had one and gave it. He could have just been lying. Also, I don't care.

• 1:08:49H. Foley?

  Sarah Jessica Parker.

• 1:08:50Speaker 03

  A bad one or a good one?

• 1:08:51H. Foley?

  Phenomenal.

• 1:08:52Speaker 03

  That she should be.

• 1:08:53H. Foley?

  Sweetheart too.

• 1:08:54Speaker 03

  That's what I heard.

• 1:08:55H. Foley?

  She's great.

• 1:08:56Speaker 03

  How do you know her?

• 1:08:57H. Foley?

  Cause I waited tables.

• 1:08:58Speaker 01

  He doesn't know her.

• 1:08:58H. Foley?

  No, I don't know her.

• 1:08:59Speaker 03

  Friends with?

• 1:09:00H. Foley?

  I was at her wedding.

• 1:09:01Speaker 03

  That's JP?

• 1:09:02Speaker 01

  He was giving her mozzarella sticks. What are you talking about?

• 1:09:05H. Foley?

  Yeah, I waited tables. Well, we first got to New York, I was waiting tables in this nice cafe in like a good part of the West Village. So there was a lot of, a lot of people ins and outs.

• 1:09:13Speaker 01

  A lot of who's who.

• 1:09:14H. Foley?

  Yeah, a lot of who's who.

• 1:09:15Speaker 03

  Carrie Fisher, I used to wait tables on her.

• 1:09:17H. Foley?

  Okay.

• 1:09:18Speaker 03

  Lovely.

• 1:09:19H. Foley?

  Yeah.

• 1:09:20Speaker 03

  Then, then the guy that played Doc in Back to the Future, that old guy.

• 1:09:23H. Foley?

  No kidding. Christopher Lloyd?

• 1:09:24Speaker 03

  Lovely.

• 1:09:25H. Foley?

  Nice. I like to hear that.

• 1:09:26Speaker 03

  Yeah, that was at a French restaurant in the.

• 1:09:28H. Foley?

  Bradley Cooper, great tipper.

• 1:09:29Speaker 03

  Oh, very good.

• 1:09:30H. Foley?

  Chaz Palminteri, fantastic.

• 1:09:33Speaker 03

  See?

• 1:09:33Speaker 01

  He's a great guy. We had him on the show. That was like our first like.

• 1:09:36H. Foley?

  And the guy that does the.

• 1:09:37Speaker 01

  Celebrity.

• 1:09:38H. Foley?

  The Mayhem commercials on Allstate, Dino.

• 1:09:40Speaker 03

  What?

• 1:09:41Speaker 01

  He's got cash.

• 1:09:41H. Foley?

  Cash.

• 1:09:42Speaker 03

  Cash.

• 1:09:43H. Foley?

  Great tipper. Cool dude too.

• 1:09:45Speaker 03

  That's important. You should be generous.

• 1:09:47H. Foley?

  That's so important.

• 1:09:47Speaker 03

  You should be generous.

• 1:09:48H. Foley?

  Hundred percent.

• 1:09:49Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 1:09:50H. Foley?

  Would you dance at the wedding?

• 1:09:52Speaker 03

  I don't drink anymore.

• 1:09:55Speaker 01

  That's a great answer.

• 1:09:57H. Foley?

  That's when you know you got a problem.

• 1:09:59Speaker 03

  Oh, big time.

• 1:10:00H. Foley?

  I didn't say would you run through a play class window?

• 1:10:03Speaker 03

  I think like fun is correlated to alcohol, huh?

• 1:10:06Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:10:06Speaker 03

  I stopped having fun.

• 1:10:09H. Foley?

  Told you, I'm off the value.

• 1:10:10Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 1:10:10H. Foley?

  Holy shit. So no, you don't dance at a wedding?

• 1:10:13Speaker 03

  Here's what I would do. Full disclosure, I probably wouldn't come to the wedding because I don't want to do anything anymore.

• 1:10:18H. Foley?

  Like that.

• 1:10:18Speaker 03

  But I'd send you a nice check. I'd be like, I love you, bro. Like.

• 1:10:22H. Foley?

  That's.

• 1:10:22Speaker 03

  Mazel, this is, this is it. I love you.

• 1:10:25H. Foley?

  That's the classiest answer right there. I'm not coming. Here's a check. Don't cash it till Thursday.

• 1:10:33Speaker 01

  Signed, Indian guy.

• 1:10:34Speaker 03

  The Indian guy.

• 1:10:37H. Foley?

  Who's Cynthia Flores?

• 1:10:40Speaker 03

  Cynthia Flores.

• 1:10:43H. Foley?

  Holy shit.

• 1:10:43Speaker 01

  Have you ever owned a lava lamp?

• 1:10:45Speaker 03

  I have one right now in my room.

• 1:10:46Speaker 01

  No shit?

• 1:10:47H. Foley?

  In your room? In the bedroom?

• 1:10:49Speaker 03

  I love it. I love it. Yeah, it's a red one. Um, yeah, it's in my bedroom.

• 1:10:53H. Foley?

  You guys have a lava lamp in your room? That's, is there a beanbag chair in there too?

• 1:10:59Speaker 03

  Downstairs, yeah.

• 1:11:00H. Foley?

  Holy shit.

• 1:11:01Speaker 03

  Full disclosure, my older son wanted the lava lamp. And so I was like, keep it in here in case it gets set on fire.

• 1:11:06Speaker 01

  Yeah, those are dangerous.

• 1:11:07Speaker 03

  Oh, they are?

• 1:11:08Speaker 01

  Lava, I mean, they, back in the day.

• 1:11:10H. Foley?

  I don't know about now. You're scaring the poor.

• 1:11:12Speaker 03

  I know, shit.

• 1:11:13H. Foley?

  Those are dangerous.

• 1:11:14Speaker 01

  She's got bigger problem. Kid's got a fucking life collection.

• 1:11:16Speaker 03

  What am I worried about?

• 1:11:17H. Foley?

  Kid's got an itchy trigger finger.

• 1:11:20Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 1:11:21Speaker 01

  What's, uh, what's, uh, what, what's the air freshener in the car now? Do you have an air freshener in there?

• 1:11:27Speaker 03

  Right now it smells like fucking french fries, McDonald's.

• 1:11:31Speaker 01

  You're eating in the car?

• 1:11:31H. Foley?

  Wait, why?

• 1:11:32Speaker 03

  My kids do. Do they fuck up my car. They're putting their food in their milkshakes. Uh, okay.

• 1:11:38H. Foley?

  In that car? Is that your day to day?

• 1:11:40Speaker 03

  This one? Yeah.

• 1:11:40H. Foley?

  Yeah.

• 1:11:41Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 1:11:42H. Foley?

  Really? You got them in that and they're eating french fries back there?

• 1:11:44Speaker 03

  Cause I'm garbage. I don't realize.

• 1:11:46H. Foley?

  Holy shit. That's crazy.

• 1:11:48Speaker 03

  I know. That's why I'm, I'm horrible. But no, okay. You know what I discovered the smell of? Have you ever been inside of, um, an anthropology store?

• 1:11:57Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:11:58Speaker 03

  Yo, you know how that's that smell?

• 1:12:00H. Foley?

  White tea? Is that where you're going at? Nice hotels, smell like white tea?

• 1:12:03Speaker 03

  It's called, I figured out, cause I went up to them. I'm like, your store smells so good. What is it? Capri, Capri blue. So I bought Capri blue and now I, that's what my car smells like.

• 1:12:14Speaker 01

  That's a, that's a promo. That's a fancy move.

• 1:12:16H. Foley?

  Do you guys have air fresheners in the house? Like those plug in things?

• 1:12:19Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 1:12:19H. Foley?

  You have pura, something nice?

• 1:12:21Speaker 03

  I, I don't have the energy. No, no. Right now it's those sticks from Italy.

• 1:12:25Speaker 01

  The diffusers.

• 1:12:26Speaker 03

  Sticks.

• 1:12:26Speaker 01

  Yeah, those are good.

• 1:12:27Speaker 03

  Those are nice.

• 1:12:28Speaker 01

  And when those dropped, I thought you were like one of the Kennedys. You go over to someone's house, they had one of them. I go, whoa.

• 1:12:34H. Foley?

  Has anyone ever pooped in here?

• 1:12:35Speaker 01

  Things are going well.

• 1:12:37Speaker 03

  Do you want to know what the height of sophistication was in the nineties?

• 1:12:40Speaker 01

  Hit me.

• 1:12:40Speaker 03

  In your drawers, if you had like a potpourri.

• 1:12:43H. Foley?

  Oh, yeah.

• 1:12:45Speaker 01

  Bought like the bag? I mean.

• 1:12:47H. Foley?

  I almost ate one of those a couple of times. Yeah, that are like the ones that are like soap, but they were in like the, you would, sometimes you would get them at weddings.

• 1:12:55Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:12:55H. Foley?

  They would be in like those almost like, um.

• 1:12:57Speaker 03

  Like shell shapes?

• 1:12:58H. Foley?

  Yeah, like pantyhose things.

• 1:13:00Speaker 01

  Like netted.

• 1:13:00H. Foley?

  They'd be wrapped in something like that.

• 1:13:01Speaker 03

  Oh, yeah. Very classy.

• 1:13:02H. Foley?

  Yeah.

• 1:13:03Speaker 03

  Yeah, the bowls were good. They smell like strawberry and stuff. I know what you're talking about.

• 1:13:06H. Foley?

  Yeah, that's pretty good.

• 1:13:07Speaker 03

  I wanted to eat those too. Yeah. But growing up, no, but I will tell you the trashiest inclinations, like I want to put car seats on my cars.

• 1:13:16Speaker 01

  Like the covers?

• 1:13:17H. Foley?

  Oh.

• 1:13:17Speaker 03

  Covers.

• 1:13:18Speaker 01

  Like a beaded one, like a cab driver?

• 1:13:20Speaker 03

  Not the Indian kind.

• 1:13:21H. Foley?

  That's the Indian stepdad.

• 1:13:24Speaker 03

  But like a, like a soft one, and my husband was like, you don't do that babe.

• 1:13:28H. Foley?

  Yeah, no, no kidding.

• 1:13:29Speaker 03

  You can just sit on the seat. And I'm like, but it's gonna get ruined.

• 1:13:33Speaker 01

  Right. It's like the, yeah.

• 1:13:35H. Foley?

  You didn't have any plastic on the furniture?

• 1:13:37Speaker 03

  Of course I did.

• 1:13:38H. Foley?

  You did?

• 1:13:39Speaker 03

  Of course we did. I think Eastern Europeans are a little bit like black culture, a little bit, because we laminate our furniture.

• 1:13:47Speaker 01

  Laminate your furniture is a wild way to say that.

• 1:13:50Speaker 03

  We cover it with plastic.

• 1:13:51H. Foley?

  That's not how you say it.

• 1:13:53Speaker 03

  We both eat like pig's feet and like the parts of the animals that are considered like.

• 1:13:58Speaker 01

  Not, yeah, yeah.

• 1:13:59Speaker 03

  And then we're both like flash, like Eastern blockers will fucking show you what's up. Like this is my gold chain, I've been.

• 1:14:06Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:14:07Speaker 03

  So like mad respect.

• 1:14:08H. Foley?

  White Mercedes?

• 1:14:09Speaker 03

  A hundred percent, like, yeah. Even now I wear like Burberry pants sometimes, the checks, and black people love it. I don't know what it is, but like black people respect Burberry.

• 1:14:18H. Foley?

  I've seen that on the show a couple of times, you in a Burberry blazer.

• 1:14:21Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 1:14:21H. Foley?

  That's.

• 1:14:21Speaker 01

  You do dress very nice. We were talking about it before you got here, because she's gonna come correct. All right, we gotta, we gotta put a, I gotta put my best Dickies jacket on.

• 1:14:28H. Foley?

  So that would be the things that you swerve on? You like, you like looking nice, dressing nice?

• 1:14:32Speaker 03

  I do.

• 1:14:32H. Foley?

  You got the walk-in closet, all that kind of stuff?

• 1:14:34Speaker 03

  Nice closet.

• 1:14:35H. Foley?

  His and her, I think, can't remember if we were asking Tom, his and her sinks in the, in the bathroom?

• 1:14:40Speaker 01

  Got to.

• 1:14:40Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 1:14:41H. Foley?

  Are you peeing in the shower though?

• 1:14:42Speaker 03

  Of course I'm pissing in the shower.

• 1:14:43Speaker 01

  You brush your teeth in the shower?

• 1:14:45Speaker 03

  Of course I brush my teeth in the shower.

• 1:14:46Speaker 01

  You leave the toothbrush in there?

• 1:14:47Speaker 03

  Of course I leave my toothbrush in there.

• 1:14:48Speaker 01

  You're a dirtbag.

• 1:14:50H. Foley?

  Lady, you are a real one.

• 1:14:51Speaker 03

  Doesn't everybody?

• 1:14:52Speaker 01

  No.

• 1:14:53H. Foley?

  No.

• 1:14:53Speaker 03

  Why?

• 1:14:54Speaker 01

  Cause it's, I mean.

• 1:14:55H. Foley?

  They're not fun.

• 1:14:57Speaker 01

  I brush my teeth in the shower.

• 1:14:58Speaker 03

  Oh, every day I brush my teeth in the shower.

• 1:14:59Speaker 01

  Yeah, but I leave my, my toothbrush doesn't live in the shower.

• 1:15:03Speaker 03

  Oh, and mine lives there.

• 1:15:04Speaker 01

  Yeah, no, we, I picked it up when you said that. Yeah, mine doesn't.

• 1:15:06H. Foley?

  No, does Tom's?

• 1:15:07Speaker 03

  No, he's not garbage like me, like, no.

• 1:15:10H. Foley?

  Man.

• 1:15:10Speaker 01

  Are you, what kind of toothbrush? You just like a regular CVS toothbrush, or you got something good?

• 1:15:14Speaker 03

  I got the, I got an electric toothbrush, because I'm also very maniacal about my dental hygiene.

• 1:15:18H. Foley?

  You floss it every day?

• 1:15:19Speaker 03

  Of course I floss and I use the fucking sticks and then I throw them on the side of the bed. And my husband gets furious.

• 1:15:25Speaker 01

  On the side of the bed?

• 1:15:26Speaker 03

  Cause I, I keep the sticks in the drawer next to my bed.

• 1:15:29Speaker 01

  And then you just drop it on the floor?

• 1:15:30Speaker 03

  And I taught my son to do it yesterday too. And he goes, what do I do with it? I go, you just put it on the side of the bed.

• 1:15:35H. Foley?

  That's where I put my contacts and it drives my wife crazy. I just take them out at night and put them right next to my bed.

• 1:15:40Speaker 03

  Oh no, I just throw them on the floor.

• 1:15:42H. Foley?

  Oh, you have contacts?

• 1:15:43Speaker 03

  No, it's the flossers, yeah. I'm, I'm a pig. I'm very gross. I'm, I'm disgusting. I think I'm as bad as Tom, if not worse. Um, I do shit to shower.

• 1:15:53Speaker 01

  You what? You, you, you're doing, you're hot, you're hot jumping showers?

• 1:15:57Speaker 03

  Do you ever shit to shower? Like if I'm in a hotel and, and it doesn't have a bidet, cause we have the, the washlet, I will take a shit in the toilet and then I'll go straight to the shower to clean out my ass.

• 1:16:08H. Foley?

  No wiping?

• 1:16:09Speaker 03

  No wiping.

• 1:16:10Speaker 01

  You gotta give it a dab, a little dabble, do ya?

• 1:16:13Speaker 03

  I think that's, what's the point? I can just shower.

• 1:16:15Speaker 01

  Were you planning on showering? Like you were getting, you were running the shower? Or this is like, hey, I got lunch in 20 minutes, I'm gonna, I gotta shit?

• 1:16:21H. Foley?

  That's a fat guy move. That's a dump and jump. Which I believe you coined.

• 1:16:26Speaker 03

  A dump and jump, that's brilliant.

• 1:16:29Speaker 01

  I was just trying to think, I was calling it a hot jump, it's a dump and jump. I think he said his mom did it.

• 1:16:33H. Foley?

  That's crazy, you're doing that?

• 1:16:35Speaker 03

  I'm disgusting, yeah, I'm, I'm gross like a dude, you know, in a lot of ways like that. Yeah, definitely. Dump and jump, I like that.

• 1:16:41Speaker 01

  If we went over to your house right now and I asked for a water, what am I gonna get? What can you offer me?

• 1:16:45H. Foley?

  You get a switchblade in the stomach.

• 1:16:47Speaker 01

  What's up fatty?

• 1:16:49H. Foley?

  Who are you two losers? What?

• 1:16:51Speaker 03

  A water? Okay, I will say, here's the deal, man.

• 1:16:55Speaker 01

  Okay.

• 1:16:58Speaker 01

  This is my deal, Jerry.

• 1:16:59Speaker 03

  Now, because I have breast cancer, I drink out of glass containers.

• 1:17:03H. Foley?

  Okay.

• 1:17:04Speaker 03

  Because of cancer stuff, but.

• 1:17:05H. Foley?

  Respect it.

• 1:17:06Speaker 03

  Prior, bro, I don't, fuck a tap. I don't drink out of the tap.

• 1:17:10Speaker 01

  Okay.

• 1:17:11Speaker 03

  Cause I'm from LA, that shit's fucking contaminated. I don't care what you tell me, I'm never drinking tap water.

• 1:17:15Speaker 01

  Okay.

• 1:17:16Speaker 03

  Even New York, I know, in New York, they're like, you can drink it, it's so good, like.

• 1:17:19H. Foley?

  Gotcha.

• 1:17:20Speaker 03

  Bullshit. So, I would give a, like a water bottle, plastic.

• 1:17:24Speaker 01

  Plastic, yeah, just whatever bottle.

• 1:17:25Speaker 03

  Like a Poland Springs?

• 1:17:27Speaker 01

  Do you have a sparkling water available if I would, if, if, if I felt so inclined?

• 1:17:30Speaker 03

  Of course.

• 1:17:31Speaker 01

  A Perrier?

• 1:17:32Speaker 03

  A Perrier?

• 1:17:32Speaker 01

  A Gerstiner?

• 1:17:33Speaker 03

  Whoa.

• 1:17:37Speaker 03

  I am Eastern Black. I love a good soda water, but I do Topo Chico because we're in Texas.

• 1:17:43Speaker 01

  Okay.

• 1:17:43Speaker 03

  You may have a Topo Chico.

• 1:17:45Speaker 01

  Thank you, I appreciate that.

• 1:17:46Speaker 03

  Perrier's not bubbly enough.

• 1:17:48Speaker 01

  You're saying it wrong, I think. You know that, right? Perrier? Okay.

• 1:17:52Speaker 03

  I don't think I am.

• 1:17:53Speaker 01

  Sounds like a dog.

• 1:17:53H. Foley?

  He's a quarterback for the back of the quarterback.

• 1:17:56Speaker 01

  He's half Perrier. Half lab.

• 1:17:58Speaker 03

  When did you-

• 1:17:58H. Foley?

  I got bit by a Perrier last night.

• 1:18:00Speaker 03

  When did you guys have sparkling water for the first time?

• 1:18:03H. Foley?

  Sparkling water or club soda?

• 1:18:05Speaker 01

  My-

• 1:18:06Speaker 03

  Is it different?

• 1:18:06H. Foley?

  There's, yeah, of course.

• 1:18:08Speaker 01

  I don't know.

• 1:18:08H. Foley?

  Yeah, like, there's a difference between Pellegrino and a fucking, uh, Schweppeseltzer.

• 1:18:14Speaker 03

  I didn't really-

• 1:18:14H. Foley?

  Schweppeseltzer back in the day. Pellegrino about six weeks ago.

• 1:18:19Speaker 01

  Yeah. My wife put me onto it. European.

• 1:18:22Speaker 03

  The European stuff?

• 1:18:23Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:18:24Speaker 03

  Because you just drink it-

• 1:18:25Speaker 01

  And I ju- I didn't, I just started liking it.

• 1:18:27Speaker 03

  It's so good.

• 1:18:28Speaker 01

  It feels like it's biting you back. I don't like it.

• 1:18:30H. Foley?

  You get in a bottle of sparkling, bottle of still?

• 1:18:32Speaker 03

  Uh, yeah.

• 1:18:32H. Foley?

  You're not doing the tap at a restaurant.

• 1:18:34Speaker 03

  Get fucked on the tap. I told you.

• 1:18:36Speaker 01

  Hey, hey, Chubbs, you here the first time?

• 1:18:38Speaker 03

  Even, even at my poorest, I was always like, I don't know, I'll take a sippy sip, but I don't-

• 1:18:43H. Foley?

  They don't wash them glasses.

• 1:18:44Speaker 03

  They don't wash, and I know because I've worked in-

• 1:18:46H. Foley?

  Sure.

• 1:18:47Speaker 03

  In, uh, as a cocktail waitress. Don't ever eat a garnish at a bar. You know how disgusting-

• 1:18:52Speaker 01

  It's the only fruit I get.

• 1:18:53Speaker 03

  No, don't. The nasty waitresses, they tie, your hands are filthy from waiting.

• 1:18:59H. Foley?

  I'm eating the maraschino cheers.

• 1:19:00Speaker 03

  Don't you get it? Oh, the dirty-

• 1:19:02H. Foley?

  They're my favorite.

• 1:19:03Speaker 01

  You think that's our biggest problem? Like, are you-

• 1:19:06H. Foley?

  I got heart disease. What are you talking about?

• 1:19:08Speaker 01

  Watch out for them lucky dad.

• 1:19:10Speaker 03

  What's the dirtiest thing you eat? Like, what's the dirtiest you'll-

• 1:19:13H. Foley?

  I was waiting tables, I would eat off people's plates all the time.

• 1:19:16Speaker 03

  I'm done it too. I'm done it too.

• 1:19:18Speaker 01

  You probably did it last week.

• 1:19:19Speaker 03

  I am. If they looked clean?

• 1:19:21H. Foley?

  Always, yeah. If it was like a hot chick or a good-looking dude, I'm in.

• 1:19:24Speaker 03

  I would eat their fries, but I wouldn't eat the primary thing.

• 1:19:27H. Foley?

  I would eat everything.

• 1:19:28Speaker 03

  Really?

• 1:19:28H. Foley?

  Yeah.

• 1:19:29Speaker 03

  Everything?

• 1:19:30H. Foley?

  Yeah.

• 1:19:32H. Foley?

  Bad.

• 1:19:35Speaker 03

  So disgusting.

• 1:19:38H. Foley?

  You're pooping on yourself. What are you talking about?

• 1:19:41Speaker 03

  Oh, I've got a gross one. Cigarette butt. They're just like, there's like a little bit on there.

• 1:19:47H. Foley?

  Oh, where's this going?

• 1:19:49Speaker 03

  Half a millimeter. It's old as shit, though. It's been sitting in the ashtray outside. It's crusty and old. Do you still smoke it in your most desperate?

• 1:19:55Speaker 01

  No.

• 1:19:57Speaker 03

  Right?

• 1:19:57H. Foley?

  My god.

• 1:19:58Speaker 01

  No.

• 1:19:58Speaker 03

  Oh, I do.

• 1:19:59H. Foley?

  A ringed on cig? Ooh, those things hit different.

• 1:20:02Speaker 03

  Yeah. You wouldn't do that, a butt that's got just a little bit left.

• 1:20:05Speaker 01

  Mm-mm. I'd, I'd go, if I had no, I, yeah, I would figure it out. I'd go to a buddy's house and say, "Blimey, bum a cig."

• 1:20:13Speaker 03

  Wow.

• 1:20:14Speaker 01

  I can't do that.

• 1:20:15H. Foley?

  Kimmy, what are you thinking so far? Where do you think she's sitting at?

• 1:20:18Speaker 01

  I don't know. I think, I think we all should go to therapy after this. Uh, primarily her, but I think a little dab could do me. Not, not too bad either. Uh, I mean, she's 100% fucking trash.

• 1:20:29H. Foley?

  Man.

• 1:20:30Speaker 01

  L.A. Euro, Canadian, Indian trash.

• 1:20:33H. Foley?

  Yeah, that trifecta going around. The applause from them.

• 1:20:37Speaker 03

  Do I get a prize?

• 1:20:39H. Foley?

  You two are both crying.

• 1:20:41Speaker 01

  They stand.

• 1:20:42Speaker 03

  This is so exciting. Can I be, I mean, yeah.

• 1:20:45Speaker 01

  I mean, you might be the, you're the, I think a new queen has been crowned. This is.

• 1:20:49H. Foley?

  We've had a run lately.

• 1:20:51Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:20:52H. Foley?

  Man.

• 1:20:52Speaker 03

  Thank you so much.

• 1:20:53Speaker 01

  I mean, it's just such an eclectic ver- like, we had Eleanor Kerrigan.

• 1:20:57Speaker 03

  Tell me everything. I love Eleanor.

• 1:20:59Speaker 01

  But South Philly trash, so it's like, she's so specific. Yours is like, lawns on fire, shootout, hedonism. It's like, you're all over them. Kicked out of school. Yours is eclectic.

• 1:21:10H. Foley?

  Kimmy, if you're still throwing the sticks next to the bed. You got a nice house. You're doing well.

• 1:21:15Speaker 03

  Yeah, like you said, you know, like Roseanne said, you know, we're, we're America's nightmare. We're white trash with money. You're just, you're just garbage with money.

• 1:21:22Speaker 01

  You can't hide it. You can never hide it. You are who you are. It only, it only amplifies it.

• 1:21:27Speaker 03

  Oh, yeah. You know how many tracksuits I have now? Like Adidas ones?

• 1:21:30Speaker 01

  They're nice ones, too. You go out stunting, show up to the gym, "Look, I'm Mercedes tracksuit. Look."

• 1:21:35Speaker 03

  What's up, bitch? Yes. 100% garbage. It's awesome.

• 1:21:39H. Foley?

  What are the name brands on the, on the tracksuits? What do you like?

• 1:21:42Speaker 03

  Adidas strictly. No, I don't do no fucking, I'm telling you, I've tried the rest. Adidas is the best. It's true. There's something, it's just, you know why? Because in Eastern Europe, it's like the currency of like, this is, this is,

• 1:21:57Speaker 01

  Yeah, your reflection.

• 1:21:58Speaker 03

  This is the shit, dude. So like, my dad wore them. It's just. I don't know dude, they look fly. They just like tight, they fit right.

• 1:22:07Speaker 01

  You ever ski in jeans?

• 1:22:10Speaker 03

  I've never skied.

• 1:22:10Speaker 01

  You've never skied?

• 1:22:11H. Foley?

  Holy shit, never once? Oh my god. You ever been sledding?

• 1:22:18Speaker 03

  Once? Yeah.

• 1:22:19Speaker 01

  Probably running from the cops or something.

• 1:22:20Speaker 03

  What, do you guys ski?

• 1:22:21Speaker 01

  No, well, we've been skiing.

• 1:22:23H. Foley?

  Yeah, at some point.

• 1:22:25Speaker 03

  What for? It's terr- it looks terrible. Cold?

• 1:22:28H. Foley?

  Holy shit, 100%.

• 1:22:30Speaker 03

  Thank you.

• 1:22:31H. Foley?

  I gotta say, which, there's been a dethroning of garbage queen over the last couple of months. You had Jordan Jensen, you had Adrian, but man, you're coming in, number one.

• 1:22:41Speaker 01

  I mean, yeah.

• 1:22:42H. Foley?

  The new garbage queen, Christina P, everybody. Look at ya. Her majesty, ladies and gentlemen. Jesus.

• 1:22:51Speaker 03

  Who's the male equivalent? Who's male garbage?

• 1:22:53H. Foley?

  Your husband ain't great, I ain't gonna lie to ya.

• 1:22:56Speaker 03

  He's bougier than me.

• 1:22:57Speaker 01

  He's cla- he's a classy guy.

• 1:22:59Speaker 03

  He taught me how to be.

• 1:23:00Speaker 01

  He's, uh, yeah, he's a very classy guy. Guy why, it's like, Dusty Slay's really bad, Nate's really bad.

• 1:23:06Speaker 03

  Nate Bargatze?

• 1:23:07Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:23:08Speaker 03

  Really? He seems classy.

• 1:23:09Speaker 01

  No.

• 1:23:10Speaker 03

  He grew up garbage?

• 1:23:11Speaker 01

  Oh, I mean, yeah.

• 1:23:13Speaker 03

  Really?

• 1:23:14Speaker 01

  His dad's a clown, that was, that's one of the questions.

• 1:23:16H. Foley?

  Still holds those tendencies. A lot of fast food getting delivered to his house these days.

• 1:23:20Speaker 01

  Without, like, he won't run it by his wife, he'll just like, just, not even ask her, "Hey, I'm getting something," he'll just get-

• 1:23:25H. Foley?

  He's doing secret ops.

• 1:23:26Speaker 01

  Yeah, get it delivered, be like, "Leave it by the driveway," he'll like, eat it by the car.

• 1:23:30Speaker 03

  Can I tell you something? In my mind, delivered fast food is such a crime.

• 1:23:35Speaker 01

  I, I agree with you 100%.

• 1:23:36Speaker 03

  It's an injustice.

• 1:23:37Speaker 01

  Unless I'm like drunk in a hotel at 2 a.m.

• 1:23:40Speaker 03

  You, you get off your ass, you go fucking get that fast food, because it's only good for five minutes tops.

• 1:23:45H. Foley?

  You'll eat in the car, I assume, right?

• 1:23:46Speaker 03

  Of course.

• 1:23:47Speaker 01

  What's, uh, or, you're probably not, I, I, growing up or at any point, what, where, what did you eat more, like a TGI Fridays, an Applebee's, an Outback Steakhouse, or Ruby Tuesdays? What are you?

• 1:23:57Speaker 03

  Let me tell you what's up. Every Friday, my dad would take me to the bar at TGI Fridays, the one in San Fernando Valley, shout out, Canoga Avenue, and here-

• 1:24:07Speaker 03

  So good, dude. I get the Oreo cookie, milkshake, and he would hit on chicks.

• 1:24:12H. Foley?

  As an appetizer.

• 1:24:13Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 1:24:13Speaker 01

  And he's just there, just spitting game.

• 1:24:15Speaker 03

  Slim. Now, I will say my favorite is the Blooming Onion at Outback Steakhouse. That's like 3,000 calories.

• 1:24:21Speaker 01

  It's up there.

• 1:24:22Speaker 03

  But my absolute favorite?

• 1:24:24Speaker 01

  This is your third favorite.

• 1:24:29H. Foley?

  That's how you know she's drained.

• 1:24:30Speaker 03

  I'm garbage, yeah.

• 1:24:31H. Foley?

  Nine favorites?

• 1:24:32Speaker 03

  Tony Roma's?

• 1:24:33Speaker 01

  I don't know it.

• 1:24:34H. Foley?

  Tony Roma's?

• 1:24:35Speaker 03

  It's a chain of ribs and it's garbage, like frozen and they thaw it out and they give you a loaf.

• 1:24:41Speaker 01

  Where? It's a chain?

• 1:24:43Speaker 03

  It was a chain in California. I don't know if it went across. Fuck Applebee's. I'm sorry. I know that's sacrilege. I've never had.

• 1:24:49Speaker 01

  That's all the time we have for today, folks.

• 1:24:52Speaker 03

  I've never had a good entree there. I don't like eating.

• 1:24:54Speaker 01

  It's very middle of the road. There's no zest. There's no pop to it. I agree with you.

• 1:24:58H. Foley?

  You're complaining about the entree.

• 1:25:00Speaker 01

  It's no TGI Friday's.

• 1:25:01H. Foley?

  Get the potato skins and keep it moving.

• 1:25:03Speaker 01

  Nah, Friday's pops.

• 1:25:05Speaker 03

  It's the top tier of those.

• 1:25:07Speaker 01

  You're it. I love it, yeah.

• 1:25:07Speaker 03

  Chili's is great. You get that bourbon chicken. I like that one.

• 1:25:11H. Foley?

  I feel like Chili's popped after they popped, so they really had that advantage to take it up a notch.

• 1:25:17Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 1:25:17H. Foley?

  You know what I mean?

• 1:25:18Speaker 01

  Who?

• 1:25:18H. Foley?

  Chili's.

• 1:25:19Speaker 01

  After who popped?

• 1:25:20H. Foley?

  After like Friday's.

• 1:25:21Speaker 01

  Yeah, Friday, yeah.

• 1:25:22H. Foley?

  They were kind of like the second wave.

• 1:25:25Speaker 03

  I love TGI Friday's.

• 1:25:26Speaker 01

  Now, if you get takeout, you get takeout to the house?

• 1:25:29Speaker 03

  Occasionally, yeah.

• 1:25:30Speaker 01

  Will you plate that or do you eat it out of the bag?

• 1:25:32Speaker 03

  Out of the bag. What are you doing? Why would you take it out of the box or the bag?

• 1:25:36H. Foley?

  Are you cooking it all at the house?

• 1:25:37Speaker 03

  Yeah, I do cook.

• 1:25:38H. Foley?

  You're cooking?

• 1:25:39Speaker 03

  Yes.

• 1:25:39H. Foley?

  What'd you have for breakfast this morning?

• 1:25:40Speaker 03

  I didn't eat breakfast. I fast.

• 1:25:42Speaker 01

  Fucking ER.

• 1:25:42H. Foley?

  That's true.

• 1:25:43Speaker 03

  I was at the hospital.

• 1:25:43Speaker 01

  Had a major surgery. You can't eat before anesthesia.

• 1:25:45H. Foley?

  What do you make for the kids? What do they eat?

• 1:25:47Speaker 03

  Trash. Cause they're kids. Nuggies, grilled cheeses, mac and cheese, out of the box, old school 80's.

• 1:25:54Speaker 01

  Kraft or Velveeta?

• 1:25:55Speaker 03

  Kraft, bitch. What are you talking about Velveeta?

• 1:25:57H. Foley?

  You're gonna get punched in the face.

• 1:25:58Speaker 03

  Velveeta. You like Velveeta?

• 1:26:00Speaker 01

  Oh, my stepmom. I mean, we were a blue box Ameri- like, we were the-

• 1:26:04H. Foley?

  She's gonna beat you up.

• 1:26:05Speaker 01

  We were the, we were the generic Kraft family, my mom.

• 1:26:09Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 1:26:09Speaker 01

  But then my, my stepmom threw Velveeta with that saucy cheese.

• 1:26:13Speaker 03

  I don't like it.

• 1:26:13Speaker 01

  Blew my dick in. It was crazy.

• 1:26:16H. Foley?

  With the shells.

• 1:26:16Speaker 01

  Woo!

• 1:26:17Speaker 03

  It always made my stomach hurt. I don't like that.

• 1:26:19Speaker 01

  Oh, yeah. I had diarrhea. I mean, yeah, I was in the hos- I was in and out of the hospital for stomach cramps most of my, most of my young life, but-

• 1:26:25Speaker 03

  Really?

• 1:26:26H. Foley?

  Were you a Rice-A-Roni fan?

• 1:26:28Speaker 03

  Too sophisticated, believe it or not. Too hard to make.

• 1:26:30H. Foley?

  What about the Nor noodles that were in like the packet?

• 1:26:33Speaker 01

  Man.

• 1:26:34Speaker 03

  You mean top ramen?

• 1:26:35H. Foley?

  Top ramen, okay.

• 1:26:36Speaker 03

  I feed that to my children. Ramen and I could put an egg in it. I like to put shaky cheese on it. And that was one of my last.

• 1:26:43Speaker 01

  You call it shaky cheese?

• 1:26:44Speaker 03

  Of course, it's shaky. It's my favorite kind of cheese.

• 1:26:46H. Foley?

  Let me ask you both this, because I thought about this the other day, because when, when me and my wife were sick, we had.

• 1:26:51Speaker 01

  Do you have any shaky cheese on it?

• 1:26:53H. Foley?

  We had top ramen. When did you realize that that wasn't actual ramen? When was the first time that you put it two and two together like, oh, real ramen? This is a version of, this is a fast food version of real ramen.

• 1:27:07Speaker 03

  Right now?

• 1:27:08Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:27:09H. Foley?

  Really?

• 1:27:09Speaker 03

  I just, I didn't know that. I, I literally just never thought about it until you just said that.

• 1:27:13H. Foley?

  That's, that was like their, that's their Kraft macaroni and cheese of ramen.

• 1:27:18Speaker 03

  Hold it, you just fucked up my whole life.

• 1:27:20Speaker 01

  She's gotta go lay down.

• 1:27:22Speaker 03

  You just blew my mind.

• 1:27:23H. Foley?

  Have you ever had ramen, like real ramen?

• 1:27:25Speaker 03

  Yeah, but I don't like it, because it's not top ramen.

• 1:27:29Speaker 03

  I don't like it.

• 1:27:30Speaker 01

  You, it's in your DNA.

• 1:27:32H. Foley?

  Shake cheese.

• 1:27:32Speaker 01

  Or a dirtbag.

• 1:27:33H. Foley?

  Wait, do you guys have the green Kraft shake cheese in your house right now?

• 1:27:36Speaker 03

  Yes, two containers, because I have a backup one in case that one goes out fast.

• 1:27:40Speaker 01

  Okay. We, I mean, we have to do nine more installments.

• 1:27:42Speaker 03

  Okay, okay, I'll let you go, I'll let you go.

• 1:27:44H. Foley?

  Oh my god.

• 1:27:45Speaker 03

  Yeah, I love all that stuff. I love all of it.

• 1:27:47H. Foley?

  That's crazy. You got good stuff in the house too, though, right?

• 1:27:50Speaker 03

  Yeah, but who cares?

• 1:27:53Speaker 01

  Foley mignon, the hell's that?

• 1:27:55Speaker 03

  Now, tell me, please tell me you remember this, and then I'll let you guys go.

• 1:27:57Speaker 01

  Sure.

• 1:27:59Speaker 03

  Franken stuff, hot dogs?

• 1:28:01Speaker 01

  No.

• 1:28:03Speaker 03

  Please look this up. This is the epitome.

• 1:28:05H. Foley?

  Franken stuff?

• 1:28:06Speaker 03

  Come on.

• 1:28:06H. Foley?

  I remember cheese, Oscar Mayer cheese dogs.

• 1:28:08Speaker 03

  With the cheese inside?

• 1:28:09H. Foley?

  Of course.

• 1:28:10Speaker 01

  Oh, man. Two of those on potato roll buns, good night.

• 1:28:14Speaker 03

  Potato roll buns?

• 1:28:15H. Foley?

  Like Myers potato rolls.

• 1:28:17Speaker 03

  I don't even know what that is.

• 1:28:18Speaker 01

  It's like a classier, it might be an east coast thing, I don't know, it's like a classier buns.

• 1:28:21Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 1:28:22H. Foley?

  No, they definitely have potato rolls out here.

• 1:28:24Speaker 03

  Franken stuff hot dog, they had the chili injected in the middle of the hot dog.

• 1:28:29Speaker 01

  Oh, I remember that. Oh, we talked about this.

• 1:28:32H. Foley?

  The packaging, I remember.

• 1:28:34Speaker 03

  Oh, yeah, dude.

• 1:28:36Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:28:37Speaker 03

  I could eat that right now.

• 1:28:38H. Foley?

  That's wild.

• 1:28:39Speaker 01

  You know what? Let's go get some of those.

• 1:28:41H. Foley?

  You'll microwave a hot dog, I assume?

• 1:28:42Speaker 03

  Of course you do.

• 1:28:43Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:28:44Speaker 03

  Is there any other way to make a hot dog?

• 1:28:45Speaker 01

  I know. I'm like, your cheese dog is my favorite. The cheese burst out a little bit.

• 1:28:50Speaker 03

  Do they still make those dogs?

• 1:28:51Speaker 01

  Yes, I had them not too long ago.

• 1:28:53H. Foley?

  Yeah. We did, we did the best way to cook a hot dog video for Patreon.

• 1:28:57Speaker 03

  Hilarious.

• 1:28:57H. Foley?

  And we did that as just a little bonus. I just kinda wanted one, man, I was with you.

• 1:29:01Speaker 03

  You know what feels like?

• 1:29:02Speaker 01

  The great air fryer.

• 1:29:02Speaker 03

  The height of sophistication. The little, hot, little hot dogs in the croissant roll.

• 1:29:09Speaker 01

  Ah, the pigs in a blanket.

• 1:29:10H. Foley?

  Oh, pigs in a blanket.

• 1:29:11Speaker 01

  It's the only reason I go to weddings.

• 1:29:14H. Foley?

  Home run.

• 1:29:14Speaker 01

  Post up by the door.

• 1:29:15H. Foley?

  Them and Little Smokies. I don't know if you remember.

• 1:29:17Speaker 03

  Ah, Little Smokies!

• 1:29:18H. Foley?

  Hillshire Farms.

• 1:29:20Speaker 03

  I still get those for my kids. I love Little Smokies.

• 1:29:22H. Foley?

  Yeah, they're great. That meant when Hickory Farms was banging.

• 1:29:25Speaker 03

  Yes, yeah. I still get it. No, I get the, the sausage rope, the, um, smoked turkey. Yeah, it's really good.

• 1:29:30Speaker 01

  Really?

• 1:29:31Speaker 03

  Oh, yeah, they make them.

• 1:29:32H. Foley?

  She's getting Hickory Farms, dude.

• 1:29:34Speaker 03

  Hickory Farms.

• 1:29:35Speaker 01

  Are you doing the food shopping now?

• 1:29:37Speaker 03

  Yeah, I do Instacart. I get off the weekend, I get shit done.

• 1:29:40Speaker 01

  Well, you an HEB gal, Whole Foods?

• 1:29:41Speaker 03

  HEB, of course. They got the best stuff, man. Wait, hold on, Bagel Bites?

• 1:29:45H. Foley?

  That's funny, you walk in an HEB, you're walking around in there on a Saturday.

• 1:29:48Speaker 03

  I don't walk around there, I just.

• 1:29:49H. Foley?

  Just install straight Instacart.

• 1:29:51Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 1:29:52Speaker 01

  You're, uh, Bagel Bites or Tostino's Pizza, old gal?

• 1:29:54Speaker 03

  Bagel Bites.

• 1:29:55Speaker 01

  Yeah, respect.

• 1:29:56Speaker 03

  Yeah, those are so good.

• 1:29:57H. Foley?

  Pop Tarts or toaster strudels?

• 1:29:59Speaker 03

  And you're gonna, this is very controversial, both, obviously.

• 1:30:02H. Foley?

  Okay.

• 1:30:02Speaker 03

  I like plain Pop Tarts. I don't like the frosted kind.

• 1:30:06Speaker 01

  Huh, that's, hey.

• 1:30:07H. Foley?

  Man.

• 1:30:07Speaker 01

  You've, you've proven with your track record, you're, I'll, I'll let that slide.

• 1:30:10H. Foley?

  That's the, that's the communism in you right there. That's crazy talk.

• 1:30:14Speaker 01

  No fun before noon.

• 1:30:15H. Foley?

  What?

• 1:30:16Speaker 03

  But toaster, toaster strudels are outstanding.

• 1:30:18Speaker 01

  I never, I don't think I've ever had one. We would, those never flew in the house.

• 1:30:21H. Foley?

  That was just, that was, that was rich kid shit, those. We weren't getting that. We got off-brand Pop Tarts called Toast-ums.

• 1:30:27Speaker 01

  I got great value, yeah.

• 1:30:28H. Foley?

  They suck, dude.

• 1:30:29Speaker 03

  You know what I loved about the toaster strudel is that it came with its own package of frosting?

• 1:30:33H. Foley?

  Sure.

• 1:30:34Speaker 03

  And you felt like a king or queen, like, I get to squeeze this on.

• 1:30:38H. Foley?

  They started doing that with oatmeal, too. They gave icing for oatmeal, like in the 90s. Remember that? The kids would do the swirl around the oatmeal?

• 1:30:45Speaker 03

  No.

• 1:30:46H. Foley?

  You don't, you remember that?

• 1:30:47Speaker 03

  I wasn't eating.

• 1:30:47Speaker 01

  I was, no, I don't fuck with oatmeal.

• 1:30:49H. Foley?

  Yeah.

• 1:30:49Speaker 03

  Yeah, oatmeal's gross.

• 1:30:50Speaker 01

  I don't touch it. Don't touch the stuff.

• 1:30:51Speaker 03

  I don't touch that shit either.

• 1:30:53H. Foley?

  Alright, you are-

• 1:30:54Speaker 03

  Alright, thanks guys, I'm the trash.

• 1:30:55H. Foley?

  100% garbage.

• 1:30:56Speaker 01

  Yeah, not even close. New queen, I mean, well, I'm glad we did it now rather than two years ago.

• 1:31:03Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 1:31:04Speaker 01

  We had to make sure our skills are sharpened and sniffed it out and it's been wild.

• 1:31:09Speaker 03

  Well Eleanor's pretty garbagey too, so I'm thrilled to be in her company, like I take that as a great honor.

• 1:31:14H. Foley?

  But what an unbelievable life, what an unbelievable tale, look where you are now, it's absolutely insane. You are the absolute best and we love you buddy.

• 1:31:21Speaker 03

  Oh, I love you so much you guys, thanks for having me.

• 1:31:23H. Foley?

  Anything you want to hit the folks out there with?

• 1:31:25Speaker 03

  I don't know, buy my lipstick, christinap.com, I make some fucking dope ass lipsticks. They're not garbage, they're super famous.

• 1:31:31Speaker 01

  No, classy, she's a classy girl.

• 1:31:34H. Foley?

  There's a lot of class in you.

• 1:31:36Speaker 03

  That's it, I love you guys.

• 1:31:37H. Foley?

  Love you buddy, Kippee, what you got for them?

• 1:31:38Speaker 01

  Uh, guys, check out the special, February 25th on the YouTube page, uh, tour dates are going, shows are selling out. Everything available at areyougarbage.com.

• 1:31:46H. Foley?

  Gang, we love you, Christina again, we love you.

• 1:31:47Speaker 03

  Love you.

• 1:31:48H. Foley?

  And we'll see yous next week. Peace! Peace!