Checking In With Cool Guy Tony Johns | YMH Ep. 789

Get tickets for Tom’s Come Together Tour at https://tomsegura.com/tour SPONSORS: Don’t miss out on all the action this week at DraftKings! Download the DraftKings app today! Sign-up using https://dkng.co/mom or through my promo code MOM. Sign up for a $1 per month trial period at https://shopify.com/momshouse. Save on the perfect gift by visiting https://AuraFrames.com to get $35-off Aura’s best-selling Carver Mat frames by using promo code MOM at checkout. Use code YMHJOY24 with DoorDash for 50% off your first order. This week on Your Mom's House Podcast, Tom and Tina are back together and in the spirit of the season, connect with legendary cool guy, Mr. "We Up Outta Here" himself, Tony Johns! Before getting on the phone with Tony, we open the show with a banger track to honor the passing of Chuck Woolery. Tom and Christina also reminisce on some of the fun clips he's contributed to in past YMH episodes. They next open the show with a classic Tony Johns clip before Tom addresses some firings from last week and some new faces in the booth. Christine pivots the conversation to discuss Tom's nose and theories on his true heritage. Tom then plays a clip from a Congressional hearing about some shady practices of major American airlines. The two also check out a Tony Valli clip, check out some art featuring Tom as famous serial killers, watch a very informative Will Blunderfield clip, and then give Tony Johns a call to see what he's up to. There are also a bunch of TikTok's, a new Pazsitzky Effect, and so much more! WOOOOOO WE UP OUTTA HERE! Your Mom’s House Ep. 789 https://tomsegura.com/tour https://christinap.com/ https://store.ymhstudios.com https://www.reddit.com/r/yourmomshousepodcast Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Speaker names marked ? are inferred from speaking time and the show’s known hosts — they are not voice-verified.

• 0:11Tom Segura?

  And here we go.

• 0:12Christina Pazsitzky?

  Here you go.

• 0:13Tom Segura?

  Here you go.

• 0:34Christina Pazsitzky?

  Oh my god.

• 1:37Tom Segura?

  Hell yeah.

• 1:38Christina Pazsitzky?

  What a banger.

• 1:39Tom Segura?

  What a banger. Rest in peace. So Chuck Woolery just died. And we got, for people that don't know, I mean Chuck was one of the OG clips that we, because there's Australian burn.

• 1:53Tom Segura?

  And it was a cream that-

• 1:54Christina Pazsitzky?

  No, Australian dream.

• 1:56Tom Segura?

  Dream, sorry, Australian dream, Dun Dun Burn. And Idn Greasy.

• 2:00Christina Pazsitzky?

  That's what he would say in the copy.

• 2:02Tom Segura?

  And we would talk about it on the podcast and people would bombard him, like everybody. You'd go on Twitter and there's just pages appearing like Chuck, is it greasy? And-

• 2:13Christina Pazsitzky?

  Dun Burn.

• 2:14Tom Segura?

  One day he responded. He put out a tweet and he was like, I guess it's a, it's my folksy Kentucky upbringing. And I, you know, he was like, he didn't get that we were all being like, why do you say it like a fucking dope?

• 2:28Christina Pazsitzky?

  Well.

• 2:28Tom Segura?

  It didn't greasy?

• 2:29Christina Pazsitzky?

  It didn't burn. It didn't greasy. And here's the interesting part is that Chuck Woolery, for those of you who aren't ancient like I am, hosted a TV show called Love Connection.

• 2:40Tom Segura?

  He'll be back in two and two.

• 2:41Christina Pazsitzky?

  Two and two for like, a long time. So he was a professional broadcaster.

• 2:46Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 2:46Christina Pazsitzky?

  And my mother was smitten with him.

• 2:48Tom Segura?

  I think.

• 2:48Christina Pazsitzky?

  In love.

• 2:49Tom Segura?

  I think a lot of women were. He's a handsome guy.

• 2:52Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah.

• 2:52Tom Segura?

  And he was, you know, he was the kind of like the matchmaker, the male matchmaker.

• 2:57Christina Pazsitzky?

  He was the matchmaker. And then people, this is before we would video the dates and people would come on the show and retell the events of the date.

• 3:03Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 3:04Christina Pazsitzky?

  And then Chuck would be like, Tom, did you feel like you could give Christina a good night kiss?

• 3:09Tom Segura?

  And I'd be like, well, I was a little nervous and I had a lot of garlic. Yeah.

• 3:16Christina Pazsitzky?

  So cute. It was so innocent.

• 3:18Tom Segura?

  Give it up for Mike. You remember?

• 3:20Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah.

• 3:22Tom Segura?

  Where's the clip of him saying that a guy's an F A G?

• 3:29Tom Segura?

  Where's that clip? Cause it's unbelievable. You ever seen that one?

• 3:33Christina Pazsitzky?

  No. Oh, yeah, yeah.

• 3:34Tom Segura?

  This guy. And they'd type out the word and his last name was F A G O T.

• 3:42Christina Pazsitzky?

  Which always kills me that people don't just change their name.

• 3:45Tom Segura?

  This is so crazy.

• 3:46Christina Pazsitzky?

  I mean, unless he was goofing on Chuck, which he may have been.

• 3:49Tom Segura?

  No, this is like a real thing.

• 3:52Christina Pazsitzky?

  I'll play the clip. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 3:54Speaker 02

  Tom don't see eye to eye on his love life and he claims that his job has cost him several relationships. Please welcome Robert Faggot.

• 4:05Tom Segura?

  Oh, it's still.

• 4:06Speaker 02

  Rather an odd name. Yeah, you know, it is an odd name.

• 4:11Tom Segura?

  It's also like, you don't think that guy had heard that enough?

• 4:14Christina Pazsitzky?

  Oh, yeah.

• 4:14Tom Segura?

  In his life, then Chuck Woolery, like, kind of an odd name. And he's like, yeah, I know.

• 4:19Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah, Richard Hitler. You didn't think to change your last name?

• 4:23Tom Segura?

  This guy's parents. How do you not just petition to just go by something else?

• 4:27Christina Pazsitzky?

  Well, it's so, listen, women do it all the time. When you get married, you go down to the social security office, you go to the DMV, you bring the license, you change your name.

• 4:36Tom Segura?

  And you change your name. Yeah.

• 4:37Christina Pazsitzky?

  You can just do that. You can change your name to anything you want.

• 4:40Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 4:41Christina Pazsitzky?

  It's totally possible.

• 4:42Tom Segura?

  It's so crazy.

• 4:43Christina Pazsitzky?

  But yeah, God, Chuck Woolery brought us so much joy for so long.

• 4:48Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 4:48Christina Pazsitzky?

  On Your Mom's House. Rest in peace.

• 4:50Tom Segura?

  He was great.

• 4:51Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah.

• 4:51Tom Segura?

  He was great. And he was a hardcore MAGA guy. So he would have been, it's so sad. He would have been real happy. Maybe this was like, maybe he went out like with a huge smile on his face where he's like, "The country's safe."

• 5:07Christina Pazsitzky?

  That's why he felt like he could pass. Yeah, because on Twitter there for a while, he was getting real spicy.

• 5:13Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 5:13Christina Pazsitzky?

  I remember he was getting real.

• 5:15Tom Segura?

  I just got an email this morning. I got invited to go to the inauguration.

• 5:19Christina Pazsitzky?

  You did?

• 5:20Tom Segura?

  Yeah, but it's a, it's a paid, you know, you pay because you're basically funding the inauguration.

• 5:25Christina Pazsitzky?

  Oh, okay.

• 5:26Tom Segura?

  It's a really cool offer, but.

• 5:28Christina Pazsitzky?

  You mean, you didn't contribute to Trump's campaign?

• 5:31Tom Segura?

  It's so much money, too. It's like to go to an inauguration. Can you imagine just going there to see some blowhard walk down the street and wave and you're like, "I'll pay for this. Sure."

• 5:39Christina Pazsitzky?

  I, I think just the sheer volume of people going and.

• 5:43Tom Segura?

  What a fucking nightmare.

• 5:44Christina Pazsitzky?

  Getting in and out of the area and what a disaster. Just, just regardless of who's being inaugurated.

• 5:51Tom Segura?

  I agree. I'm saying.

• 5:52Christina Pazsitzky?

  I wouldn't do it.

• 5:53Tom Segura?

  I'm saying to pay to go to an inauguration would just, sounds like such a nightmare.

• 5:57Christina Pazsitzky?

  The only inauguration I would go to and pay for was, is Will Blunderfield.

• 6:04Tom Segura?

  Oh, really?

• 6:04Christina Pazsitzky?

  When he wins, I'll go.

• 6:06Tom Segura?

  When he wins?

• 6:07Christina Pazsitzky?

  He might run for prez.

• 6:08Tom Segura?

  He's Canadian.

• 6:09Christina Pazsitzky?

  Oh, that's true. Prime Minister?

• 6:11Tom Segura?

  Of Canada. Sure. He could run.

• 6:14Christina Pazsitzky?

  That's.

• 6:14Tom Segura?

  It's so funny that you didn't know this, but we actually have some new Will Blunderfield clips.

• 6:19Christina Pazsitzky?

  You're kidding?

• 6:19Tom Segura?

  I swear.

• 6:20Christina Pazsitzky?

  He's my favorite.

• 6:20Tom Segura?

  Yeah. Well, I think we should probably play the opening of the show.

• 6:23Christina Pazsitzky?

  Oh, my God. We got so excited. God, today's just, I, I woke up this morning beyond excited about.

• 6:30Tom Segura?

  There's a lot going on today.

• 6:31Christina Pazsitzky?

  It's so good.

• 6:32Tom Segura?

  It's real exciting.

• 6:32Christina Pazsitzky?

  Oh, my God.

• 6:33Tom Segura?

  All right. Here you go. Here's your opener. Ready? Here you go.

• 7:03Speaker 03

  Welcome to Your Mom's House with Tom Segura. And Christina Pajitsin. Welcome to Your Mom's House.

• 7:50Tom Segura?

  There you go. It's a classic. And there's a reason why he's gonna be considered a, why this is a classic today. We'll get to it in a little bit. I think there's a lot to get into first. I'm overwhelmed with how much cool stuff is here.

• 8:03Christina Pazsitzky?

  Me too. Can I tell you, I woke up this morning just so lathered up to come into the studio and record today's episode, just knowing the vintage YMH stuff we have. And not only that, I would like to take an opportunity here. If you haven't bought your Christmas gift for your lady, or gender neutral person in your life that loves lipstick.

• 8:22Tom Segura?

  Could be a guy.

• 8:23Christina Pazsitzky?

  Could be a guy.

• 8:24Tom Segura?

  It's not just for women.

• 8:24Christina Pazsitzky?

  It's not just for women. It's for cats. It's for pets. It's for whatever you want. The Perfect Four. These are all four of my lipstick colors. Atomic Red, Madison, Berlin, and of course, the Perfect Red comes in the package. Buy it now. I'm wearing Berlin today to show you how moody.

• 8:40Tom Segura?

  Oh, yeah.

• 8:40Christina Pazsitzky?

  Isn't that, aren't I seductive and weird a little bit and mysterious?

• 8:44Tom Segura?

  Is that called Berlin?

• 8:45Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah.

• 8:46Tom Segura?

  It looks like a German girl.

• 8:48Christina Pazsitzky?

  Thank you. That's the whole point. I was so inspired by my trip though.

• 8:51Tom Segura?

  Sultry, fucking dark German girl who's like, "Yeah, you lay on the ground and I'll squat over your face."

• 8:58Christina Pazsitzky?

  Exactly.

• 8:58Tom Segura?

  Okay.

• 8:59Christina Pazsitzky?

  And, exactly. And I tell you what, you buy this lipstick for your lady.

• 9:03Tom Segura?

  Yes.

• 9:04Christina Pazsitzky?

  She's gonna squat over your face.

• 9:05Tom Segura?

  That is exciting. Uh, you may notice if you're watching today's episode, there's a few new faces in the booth, and there's a reason for that. Uh, we let go of the other staff that was in there because they were exceptionally disrespectful on the last episode of this show. So we said bye-bye to them and hello to the new trio.

• 9:27Christina Pazsitzky?

  You know, you don't think you're overreacting a little bit?

• 9:30Tom Segura?

  I do not. I think I'm embracing the Christmas spirit.

• 9:32Christina Pazsitzky?

  Tom, it was, for those of you don't know what he's referring to, it was the choke heard round the world.

• 9:39Tom Segura?

  Here it is for those that don't know. Hey, guys, I was listening to this, to the Adrienne Appalucci episode, but by the way, she has a great new special out on Netflix, um, you guys are of course, what?

• 9:51Christina Pazsitzky?

  Okay?

• 9:52Tom Segura?

  I just choked for a second. I can't choke. Hey, fuck you.

• 9:55Christina Pazsitzky?

  It was just scary.

• 9:56Tom Segura?

  On Netflix. Why is it scary?

• 9:58Christina Pazsitzky?

  I got scared. I thought you were dying.

• 10:00Tom Segura?

  Everyone's fired.

• 10:02Christina Pazsitzky?

  We just were worried. I mean, weren't we all concerned?

• 10:05Tom Segura?

  I'm fine!

• 10:07Christina Pazsitzky?

  I'm gonna do a drawing for you choking on some... I already know it's gonna go in my head.

• 10:14Tom Segura?

  There's repercussions.

• 10:15Christina Pazsitzky?

  Oh, no!

• 10:16Tom Segura?

  Oh, yes, there are.

• 10:17Christina Pazsitzky?

  What are you gonna do?

• 10:18Tom Segura?

  Well, there's no Christmas party anymore, and I'm not doing end of year bonuses, and I am taking back your gift. Now, let's move on to the next segment.

• 10:25Tom Segura?

  Fucking done.

• 10:25Christina Pazsitzky?

  What made you choke?

• 10:27Tom Segura?

  Netflix, I can't believe I choked.

• 10:31Tom Segura?

  I hope it's bad.

• 10:32Christina Pazsitzky?

  You're spicy today, Tom. You're zesty, you're spicy.

• 10:35Tom Segura?

  It's sad that we're gonna have an all-new staff after the new year, but I'm looking forward to meeting them. This is everyone's last show, so say your goodbye. Happy holidays. We'll see you soon. There it is. There's the whole thing.

• 10:50Christina Pazsitzky?

  And that's why you fired everybody and you brought in...

• 10:52Tom Segura?

  Yeah. Yeah, we fired them.

• 10:54Christina Pazsitzky?

  This team. This is unbelievable. You don't think it's a little...

• 10:57Tom Segura?

  Dude, I like these new faces so much more. I was so over the other ones.

• 11:00Christina Pazsitzky?

  You don't think this is a little overreactive?

• 11:02Tom Segura?

  No, I think it's perfect. I think they gotta, everyone's gotta understand things in life.

• 11:06Christina Pazsitzky?

  Tom, let's go over the moment of the choke.

• 11:08Tom Segura?

  Okay.

• 11:09Christina Pazsitzky?

  What happened?

• 11:10Tom Segura?

  Um, I mean, I feel like some saliva just kinda, you know, it just kinda passed through as I was trying to speak. If I wasn't speaking, you, nobody would've noticed of it. So I was speaking and I just... Had a little.

• 11:24Christina Pazsitzky?

  Do you think the saliva was because you had a rogi? Were you, did you have a rogi in your mouth?

• 11:30Tom Segura?

  I did have a rogi in my mouth. Yeah, I love rogies. Speaking of rogies. It's a great time.

• 11:36Christina Pazsitzky?

  This is not.

• 11:38Tom Segura?

  It's not a plug. It's life. I love, I love my rogies.

• 11:44Tom Segura?

  It's not a plug. It's life.

• 11:45Christina Pazsitzky?

  So dumb.

• 11:46Tom Segura?

  Somebody gave me, I did the, I did the Dallas bar takeover for Porosos last week at the tavern, which was the best experience I've ever had doing a bar takeover. Like honestly, we all walked out of there like, oh man, if they're like this, just we could do them. It was just, the place was great. Somebody gave, they're like, I know you like rogies. They gave me a fresh can of rogies. Their thing is on there, their handle. I can't read it though. At Cody something. Anyway, great gift. Thanks.

• 12:11Christina Pazsitzky?

  Great gift. Great gift. So let's get back to the choke.

• 12:14Tom Segura?

  Yeah. So I had a rogi in it. And.

• 12:20Tom Segura?

  Everything's better already. And.

• 12:22Christina Pazsitzky?

  I forget, were you reading something there?

• 12:24Tom Segura?

  I was getting ready. I was talking about Adrian Appalucci's new.

• 12:26Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yes.

• 12:27Tom Segura?

  Special. I was saying it's great. And I was reading, I think I was reading a message from someone about it. And then as it, I choked, and then you were like.

• 12:39Tom Segura?

  And then.

• 12:39Christina Pazsitzky?

  No, I didn't.

• 12:40Tom Segura?

  The level, the level, excuse me, the level of disrespect from the booth was, I could not ignore it.

• 12:49Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah.

• 12:49Tom Segura?

  And so it was just time to.

• 12:50Christina Pazsitzky?

  Time to chop their heads off. Off with their heads. Yeah. Because what struck, what struck, I think, the former staff and I was your, you didn't acknowledge the choke. And usually broadcasters or even Chuck Woolery would be, oh, excuse me. Pardon me.

• 13:09Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 13:09Christina Pazsitzky?

  Maybe I choked. Oh my goodness, you know, and you decided.

• 13:12Tom Segura?

  Oh my goodness.

• 13:13Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah. Whoopsie, whoopsie daisy. I choked.

• 13:16Tom Segura?

  Okay.

• 13:17Christina Pazsitzky?

  You didn't acknowledge it. What, what was going on in your mind?

• 13:21Tom Segura?

  I was just like, this is something that everybody understands who's ever spoken, that things like this happen sometimes. So I just thought everybody was like, yeah, I know what that is.

• 13:29Christina Pazsitzky?

  I didn't. I thought you were having a seizure and I thought maybe you were going to collapse. And I was just happy that you were, yes, still talking, but the fact that it was the unacknowledgement. Of the choke that people were really taken with. I, I thought it was, yeah.

• 13:44Tom Segura?

  Okay, so.

• 13:46Christina Pazsitzky?

  It's taken over the YMH world.

• 13:48Tom Segura?

  I know, a lot of people have.

• 13:49Christina Pazsitzky?

  The choke herd, I, I'm going to be producing another piece of art to commemorate.

• 13:53Tom Segura?

  Oh, for fuck's sake.

• 13:54Christina Pazsitzky?

  The choke, just give me some time, I'm working on it. These things take hours.

• 13:58Tom Segura?

  You mean like this, uh, yeah, this last one that you did?

• 14:01Christina Pazsitzky?

  It takes days and hours and weeks. Yeah, there's my portrait.

• 14:05Tom Segura?

  Clearly, the thing that's supposed to be me that sold like hotcakes, your super disrespectful artwork. It looks a lot more like Ari Shaffer than it does me.

• 14:15Christina Pazsitzky?

  Well, hold on. First of all, I'd like to support everyone that purchased a print of my portrait of Tom. Thank you for supporting the arts. Here's the deal, man. This is what I thought, because Ari claims that my portrait looks more like him.

• 14:30Tom Segura?

  He does.

• 14:31Christina Pazsitzky?

  Now, hold on. Is it that the portrait looks like Ari? Or that you look like a Jew?

• 14:44Christina Pazsitzky?

  Have you thought about your Jewish features?

• 14:46Tom Segura?

  I'm trying to think what else I can take away from you right now.

• 14:50Christina Pazsitzky?

  Niana's laughing in the booth. Is she gonna get fired too?

• 14:53Tom Segura?

  I'm focused on you right now.

• 14:56Christina Pazsitzky?

  You don't think that you have a Jewish, it, it is the nose, everybody can see the nose is very, oh, you just look at his profile just now, he lays, look at that. It hangs over a lot.

• 15:09Tom Segura?

  Okay.

• 15:09Christina Pazsitzky?

  Is Josh Zolo still around? No, he's gone. We have a. The point is.

• 15:15Tom Segura?

  I thought we were doing away with all Jews.

• 15:17Christina Pazsitzky?

  That is Christmas time. Let's look at some features.

• 15:24Tom Segura?

  That's great, guys.

• 15:25Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah, I think that, okay, I mean, look at the, the young lady on the top. Yeah, there you go.

• 15:30Tom Segura?

  What is the link there that says, see that, that, the second from the left?

• 15:34Christina Pazsitzky?

  Hook nose.

• 15:35Tom Segura?

  Where it says, no, go to, go one to the left? That says nose job numbers are shoot down. I wonder what, what is that about? For Jews.

• 15:49Tom Segura?

  Nose jobs are no longer a thing among teenage Jewish girls. Graduation presents, birthday gives, Hanukkah handouts. We don't know, we don't want to know what you received in the second. For decades, nose jobs have been a common bequest in the Jewish community.

• 16:01Christina Pazsitzky?

  Sure.

• 16:01Tom Segura?

  Okay.

• 16:04Tom Segura?

  Fueled, okay, scroll down a little bit. Fueled by a struggling economy, cosmetic surgeries, nose jobs being no exception, are declining across the board.

• 16:11Christina Pazsitzky?

  Wow.

• 16:12Tom Segura?

  Wait, this is an old article, though, right? When was this printed? Yeah, 2012. That's very old. All right, never mind. I remember a girl in high school.

• 16:22Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah.

• 16:23Tom Segura?

  Who was 14.

• 16:24Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah.

• 16:25Tom Segura?

  And had a schnoz, like a real fucking beak. And she came in, I think it was after the summer break.

• 16:36Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah.

• 16:36Tom Segura?

  With the nose job and looked gorgeous.

• 16:39Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah.

• 16:39Tom Segura?

  It's really crazy what it can do. No, I did not date her. No.

• 16:43Christina Pazsitzky?

  There you go. That's Tom. Yeah, there you go. Can you lift up the glasses a little bit so we can see your full nose? Yeah, and the older you get, it's, turn to the side, please, Prof. Yeah, it's just getting more and more longer, elongated Jewish nature.

• 16:58Tom Segura?

  I get, people believe, um.

• 17:00Christina Pazsitzky?

  And the baldness.

• 17:01Tom Segura?

  They'll believe if I'm Jewish. I think they also believe if I'm French. I've had that a lot. When I was in France, everybody thought I was French.

• 17:06Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah.

• 17:07Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 17:08Christina Pazsitzky?

  Well, you have allergies and you're very like, ugh, like celiac disease. You can't eat certain things. It irritates your bowels bothering me. I hear that a lot from you, Ira.

• 17:22Tom Segura?

  Okay.

• 17:23Christina Pazsitzky?

  You're always talking about money.

• 17:25Tom Segura?

  I'm always talking about money? Okay.

• 17:28Christina Pazsitzky?

  Um, what was I gonna tell you? Now I've forgotten my train of thought. Yeah, French, kind of, sure. I think it's more your attitude, kind of arrogant, like the French. I know you like their arrogance and such.

• 17:40Tom Segura?

  This is a really fun episode. Keep going.

• 17:44Christina Pazsitzky?

  I'm gonna make a portrait. Just give me time, people.

• 17:46Tom Segura?

  Of a French Jewy, smug, money grubbing.

• 17:49Christina Pazsitzky?

  Choking at the same time, yeah.

• 17:53Tom Segura?

  Well, you know, you look great today. Your hair looks nice.

• 17:56Christina Pazsitzky?

  Thanks.

• 17:58Tom Segura?

  Can I put these back on? I can't see.

• 17:59Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah, put them back on, Dad. Put your damn dad glasses on.

• 18:02Tom Segura?

  There we go. Now, alright, well, I think it looks more like Ari Shaffer than it does me. God, that actually looks like a fucking exact portrait of him.

• 18:13Christina Pazsitzky?

  Again, I think it's that you look like Ari Shaffer. Not that the drawing looks like her.

• 18:17Tom Segura?

  Do you guys think that too?

• 18:19Christina Pazsitzky?

  Think carefully before you answer, geez.

• 18:23Tom Segura?

  No, never. Negative, sir.

• 18:26Christina Pazsitzky?

  Are you happy now? You've terrorized the staff.

• 18:29Tom Segura?

  I'm not trying to terrorize. I just wanted to-

• 18:31Christina Pazsitzky?

  You've terrorized them.

• 18:32Tom Segura?

  I didn't do anything.

• 18:32Christina Pazsitzky?

  Is this what you want as a celebrity? You want everybody to be afraid of you and just kowtow, cowering in fear? Well, I'm not doing it, Segura. I'm not doing it. I don't care.

• 18:43Tom Segura?

  I'll tell you what-

• 18:44Christina Pazsitzky?

  You gonna fire me from your mom's house? Good luck. Good luck.

• 18:51Christina Pazsitzky?

  I've got 2 million people ordering prints that support me here.

• 18:56Tom Segura?

  Okay, good. You're still gonna have a bad Christmas.

• 19:00Christina Pazsitzky?

  You shut up.

• 19:02Tom Segura?

  Uh, I've never felt more validated in my life.

• 19:04Christina Pazsitzky?

  For what?

• 19:06Speaker 04

  So, let's, let's come back to you, though, Mr. Schroder. So, how much have you paid your gate agents to enforce your carry-on bag policy, to pick people out of the line like the chairman's video showed? I mean, you guys do appreciate that flying on your airlines is a disaster, don't you? I'm slightly amazed by the general attitude of all of you here. Flying on your airlines is horrible. It's terrible experience. I mean, I say this as a father of three young children. But I can't tell you, nobody enjoys flying on your airlines. It's a disaster. You charge people fees that they know nothing about. You harass them to death.

• 19:42Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah, amen.

• 19:45Tom Segura?

  Senator Hawley giving it to a couple CEOs about the, uh, carry-on policy. And let me just say this. I was right, and I'm always right. And that girl was a fucking- Fuck you two.

• 19:58Christina Pazsitzky?

  Oh, is this, yeah.

• 19:59Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 20:00Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah. What was the story again? She told you to?

• 20:03Tom Segura?

  This fucking bitch.

• 20:04Christina Pazsitzky?

  Okay.

• 20:06Tom Segura?

  Let me tell you something.

• 20:07Christina Pazsitzky?

  Okay.

• 20:08Tom Segura?

  I am, I'm boarding a flight from JFK to Austin. And I'm first in line. I'm first in line to board.

• 20:17Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah.

• 20:18Tom Segura?

  And this bitch goes, hey, you're gonna have to check that bag. And I'm like, what are we flying on a fucking regional jet from New, or from, from New York?

• 20:27Christina Pazsitzky?

  How big, hold on, what, what bag was it? Was it big? Was it a duffel?

• 20:30Tom Segura?

  It's my daily, it's my roller that I take on every single trip.

• 20:33Christina Pazsitzky?

  It's a classic sized carry on roller.

• 20:35Tom Segura?

  It's an overhead, yeah.

• 20:36Christina Pazsitzky?

  Okay, okay.

• 20:37Tom Segura?

  And this fucking bitch goes, hey, you're gonna have to check that bag. And I go, really? What, what kind of aircraft are we flying on today? And they're like, oh, you know, I'm like, is it a regional plane? Cause sometimes you do it like the little puddle jumpers.

• 20:50Christina Pazsitzky?

  The Barbie planes.

• 20:51Tom Segura?

  Where you check everything?

• 20:52Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah.

• 20:52Tom Segura?

  Like, are we on one of those?

• 20:54Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah.

• 20:54Tom Segura?

  And they're like, oh, no, you're on like a 737 or something. I'm like, well, this is the same bag I flew here with and I fly everywhere with this bag. No, it's too big. And I'm like, what?

• 21:04Christina Pazsitzky?

  Mm hmm.

• 21:05Tom Segura?

  So, anyway, I have another employee from the airline with me there. And I go, why is she doing this? And she goes, gate agents, like, rule this area. Like, we can't over, speak over them, basically, right? And I'm like, like, whatever she decides is a thing. And I'm just like, why are you doing this? And she's like, it's too big. And I'm like, it's not too big. Anyway, you just give it up, which is what I did. You just go, okay.

• 21:30Christina Pazsitzky?

  Oh, that's terrible.

• 21:31Tom Segura?

  Hold on, hold on. So then I get on the plane. I get on the plane and I look and I'm like, this is a standard overhead thing. So I ask again, I go, why did they take the bag? Right? Now, they're just like, she just decided to. But this informs you as to why. No, no, this informs you as to why. It's because the airlines are paying gate agents to confiscate bags. So they're giving them incentives. They're doing it to make money.

• 22:02Christina Pazsitzky?

  Hmm.

• 22:03Tom Segura?

  So, the fucking. That I, so then I went, I went on Twitter and I sat there and I just wrote, what a fucking bitch. You know, fucking whatever. And everyone's like, oh, you threw a tantrum. It's like, it's not really, I didn't verbally accost anybody. I didn't physically assault anybody, although it would have been a pleasure.

• 22:23Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah.

• 22:23Tom Segura?

  I just wrote a couple tweets. People were like, oh, you lost your mind. I'm like, I didn't lose my mind. The point is, I was fucking right. She was just selectively taking a bag to make a few extra bucks. Okay?

• 22:36Speaker 04

  And your, your attitude here today seems to be, well, devil may care. There's nothing we can do about it. Well, I think we are going to do something about it. So how much have you paid people? To pull out customers who are in line with a bag that's two centimeters too big, Mr. Schroeder?

• 22:51Speaker 02

  Well, we recognize this is a hard job, um, and so therefore we incentivize them to do that.

• 22:56Speaker 04

  How much?

• 22:57Speaker 02

  It's $10 per bag.

• 22:58Speaker 04

  Wow. $10 per bag. And I think, Mr. Klein, you and Mr. Schroeder, your, your airlines cumulatively have spent $26 million paying gate agents between 2022 and 2023 to catch passengers whose bags are a little bit too big. $26 million. I mean, if people want to know why it's such a terrible experience to fly, this is news for them today. Your airlines are paying millions of dollars to your employees to harass people who've already paid. They're there in line because they've already paid.

• 23:31Tom Segura?

  So I'm just saying, this is exactly what happened to me and I just want to say it again. I was right and you're still a fucking.

• 23:39Christina Pazsitzky?

  Oh, wow. Vindicated. Ingay, say something else, Tom. I would like to congratulate you for getting through that entire speech without choking.

• 23:50Tom Segura?

  Look at my nose.

• 23:52Christina Pazsitzky?

  And I'm sure the staff appreciates it too. No, that is sinister. I had no idea. I had no idea.

• 23:59Tom Segura?

  I know.

• 24:00Christina Pazsitzky?

  I didn't know, and I always hate that too, where they're like, you're gonna have to check it in. It's like, dude, why?

• 24:07Tom Segura?

  But the whole point, like the thing people is that people are like, oh, some people get their bags. It's like, yeah, it shouldn't have been taken though. It wasn't oversized.

• 24:16Christina Pazsitzky?

  No, and also, you're like the first guy on.

• 24:19Tom Segura?

  Yeah, I was like, shouldn't you see if someone else's bag doesn't fit later on?

• 24:23Christina Pazsitzky?

  Later on, because you, it stands to reason that you would have enough space to put it,

• 24:27Tom Segura?

  it's insane.

• 24:28Christina Pazsitzky?

  even if it is bigger, but it wasn't. That is so, and those two airlines, by the way, that Senator Hawley is,

• 24:34Tom Segura?

  Oh my god.

• 24:35Christina Pazsitzky?

  Hands down the worst airlines.

• 24:37Tom Segura?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 24:38Christina Pazsitzky?

  And I think you guys can, we're not gonna say their names, but you can intuitively guess.

• 24:42Tom Segura?

  Oh yeah, you can figure it out.

• 24:43Christina Pazsitzky?

  You can figure it out. It's, it is, it's so weird how shitty they can be.

• 24:48Tom Segura?

  I know.

• 24:48Christina Pazsitzky?

  It's like, that's probably the most dangerous form of travel and the most, you know what I mean? Like, they should be,

• 24:55Tom Segura?

  I know.

• 24:57Christina Pazsitzky?

  It's terrible.

• 24:57Tom Segura?

  And this whole thing just works people up to like, this, this whole world of like, it's, it's a, it's a, it's an abuse of power.

• 25:06Christina Pazsitzky?

  It is.

• 25:07Tom Segura?

  It's over, it's like, and it's just, now it's to, you know, fill somebody else's pockets up.

• 25:14Christina Pazsitzky?

  And then the holidays are here, and then these poor families are just trying to get across the country to visit grandma.

• 25:20Tom Segura?

  And they're gonna stick it to you.

• 25:21Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah, could you imagine?

• 25:23Tom Segura?

  They'll stick it to you.

• 25:24Christina Pazsitzky?

  You're flying with kids and they're gonna fucking take away your carry on when you need stuff for the kid and the bag or,

• 25:29Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 25:29Christina Pazsitzky?

  And then, and then they just cancel your flights and they're like, well, guess you're fucked, you're spending the night in Detroit or whatever. That, that was the worst part of touring for the last 20 years. You would just get stuck in cities. I would get stuck in airports just overnight. Guess you're sleeping in Hartford. Crazy. What, what? That's it? You're not gonna, they wouldn't rebook you automatically on another flight? Remember that shit?

• 25:50Tom Segura?

  Totally.

• 25:51Christina Pazsitzky?

  God, they're just such cool.

• 25:54Tom Segura?

  We got, um,

• 25:55Christina Pazsitzky?

  The worst.

• 25:55Tom Segura?

  We got derailed, you know, like, hey, we're not flying, everybody was, and I was at the gate with all like a hundred people. And they're like, yeah, they're canceling the flight, so tomorrow. And someone's like, well, where are you putting us up? And they're like, oh, we're not doing that.

• 26:09Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah.

• 26:09Tom Segura?

  And this group of people got closer to the gate and they're like, no, no, no, we are gonna put you up.

• 26:16Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah, they got the money.

• 26:18Tom Segura?

  I watched them switch. They were just like, here's your vouchers. Here you go.

• 26:21Christina Pazsitzky?

  Oh, they have the money to put you up. Don't you worry about it.

• 26:24Tom Segura?

  Of course they do.

• 26:24Christina Pazsitzky?

  By the way, guys, if I were you and you're, I mean, always look up, there's a lot of accounts on TikTok and places to find out hacks. Like if they cancel your flight, you're entitled to whatever voucher. There's always a way. Just look at these fuckers. They're ripping you off. It's just so, it's egregious.

• 26:42Tom Segura?

  Uh, well, this will, let's change the mood a little bit.

• 26:45Christina Pazsitzky?

  I know, I'm so upset. I fucking hate the Americans.

• 26:48Tom Segura?

  Let's have a little fun now.

• 26:49Christina Pazsitzky?

  Okay, okay.

• 26:50Speaker 05

  Hi, this is Frankie Valli. Sorry we missed your last time, but we're coming back on September the 5th to the Cobb Center. So get your friends together and come by and we'll really have a great time.

• 27:08Tom Segura?

  There you go. Uh, happy holiday. So.

• 27:13Christina Pazsitzky?

  Hold on.

• 27:13Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 27:14Christina Pazsitzky?

  Come see Frankie Valli.

• 27:15Tom Segura?

  Oh my god.

• 27:16Christina Pazsitzky?

  Having a good time. You can't even get out the words.

• 27:24Christina Pazsitzky?

  So sad.

• 27:26Tom Segura?

  So we've been playing these videos because they just don't make any sense to us.

• 27:32Tom Segura?

  Where you're seeing somebody like not saying. It's so strange. He's 90. He's 90 years old.

• 27:38Christina Pazsitzky?

  Oh, poor baby.

• 27:40Tom Segura?

  And so finally we got an email about it. So happy to share it with you guys. Hey, Tim and Tina, I work in audio production at a theater in Canada where Frankie Valli performed a few months ago. Just want to say it was one of the biggest bummer shows I've ever seen. I have no idea as to why they're dragging that half cadaver on stage, but I can tell you about some of the technical fuckery from a tech perspective. First of all, he is obviously singing to tracks recorded in the 70s by our guest, as are the backup singers. Frankie also has a switch, has a mic with a switch that he can turn on between songs to talk to the audience. But the, once the song is on, he switches the mic off and does the, uh, what is it? Nosferatu thing?

• 28:22Christina Pazsitzky?

  Nosferatu.

• 28:23Tom Segura?

  Nosferatu thing.

• 28:24Christina Pazsitzky?

  A real goth would have known that.

• 28:25Tom Segura?

  Got it. He seemed like a nice old man, but the whole crew was really sad that day. Where are the bodies? They're on stage. Hope this doesn't scare you. Well, thanks, Dan.

• 28:37Christina Pazsitzky?

  I mean, I think too, it's, isn't it kind of, I mean, it's kind of duplicitous too for an audience. You, you think you're paying to watch Frankie Valli sing live and then he's singing another track. Okay, fine. That's, that's the gig. Wouldn't you want to put up the audio, maybe of a track that he could sing like 10 years ago? Do you know what I mean? Like a recording live? Not the actual seventies recording? Do you see what I'm saying? Like, put up like, kind of a coherent performance vocally that he could-

• 29:11Tom Segura?

  Well, who's going to this show, though?

• 29:12Christina Pazsitzky?

  If he's 90, his fans have to be-

• 29:15Tom Segura?

  Yeah, exactly.

• 29:16Christina Pazsitzky?

  Jesus Christ.

• 29:17Tom Segura?

  They're probably just like, that was crazy good. They don't, they don't know what's going on.

• 29:21Christina Pazsitzky?

  You think they're just checked out?

• 29:23Tom Segura?

  Yeah, of course.

• 29:24Christina Pazsitzky?

  They're all vampires like him?

• 29:25Tom Segura?

  It's not somebody like in their 30s.

• 29:28Christina Pazsitzky?

  Can you, can you believe, but at 90, God bless him, he can still get out there?

• 29:33Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 29:34Christina Pazsitzky?

  90, how does he even get to these gigs? He's flying. Tom?

• 29:39Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 29:39Christina Pazsitzky?

  Is he flying? Do you think he can afford to fly private?

• 29:41Tom Segura?

  No, that's, that's, that's, cause that's why he's doing these gigs is to make money. I don't think so.

• 29:45Christina Pazsitzky?

  Why, why at 90? What do you think is going on?

• 29:49Tom Segura?

  I mean-

• 29:51Christina Pazsitzky?

  Is it a legacy thing? Is he like, I'm going out-

• 29:53Tom Segura?

  There's only really two good explanations. One would be that he's like, well, if I stop doing this, like a lot of people, you know, they go like the, the guy retires, then he dies?

• 30:01Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yes.

• 30:02Tom Segura?

  It's like, you have to like, have something to keep working towards.

• 30:04Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yes.

• 30:05Tom Segura?

  The other one is that there is an actual need for money.

• 30:09Christina Pazsitzky?

  Money.

• 30:10Tom Segura?

  I mean, that's the only other explanation.

• 30:12Christina Pazsitzky?

  But he was, his, his success happened at a time when people made residuals. Yeah. Like he, he's got so many hits, right?

• 30:19Tom Segura?

  I would think so, but there's always that lifestyle thing.

• 30:21Christina Pazsitzky?

  Okay. How about this? How many ex-wives does he have? Let's look at the life. Is there like multiple kids? Is, is like families on the payroll?

• 30:28Tom Segura?

  That's always a very logical explanation for it, you know? Also, people that are high level earners who-

• 30:37Tom Segura?

  Oh, I'm seeing multiple marriages already.

• 30:40Christina Pazsitzky?

  There we go.

• 30:42Tom Segura?

  Four times.

• 30:43Christina Pazsitzky?

  Oh, Frankie Valli's telling me from his son with a restraining order. Okay. So there's some drama.

• 30:48Tom Segura?

  Two children with the first, none with the second, three with the third.

• 30:54Tom Segura?

  The fourth, let's see.

• 30:57Tom Segura?

  Yeah, okay. So he has six children. Six children's a lot of kids.

• 31:01Christina Pazsitzky?

  Tom, how are we gonna, how are you gonna ruin your life?

• 31:05Tom Segura?

  I don't know.

• 31:06Christina Pazsitzky?

  Famous and.

• 31:07Tom Segura?

  I don't know.

• 31:07Christina Pazsitzky?

  Successful and rich and stuff like, are we gonna, are you gonna do multiple marriages? Are you gonna start? A trafficking ring with your buddies on an island? Like, what kind of mayhem are you gonna get into?

• 31:18Tom Segura?

  That trafficking thing sure sounds fun. You know what would be crazy? I was thinking about a couple of things that would be like a fun thing. I think I have to level up a few more times before I can do this.

• 31:30Christina Pazsitzky?

  Sure.

• 31:31Tom Segura?

  One would be to hunt endangered species. Like, you know what I mean? When they go.

• 31:36Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yes.

• 31:37Tom Segura?

  There's 11 of these birds left. And then I go, well, now there's 10.

• 31:41Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah.

• 31:42Tom Segura?

  One of those. That seems really cool.

• 31:44Christina Pazsitzky?

  Cause that, does that really exist that people are like?

• 31:46Tom Segura?

  I'm sure.

• 31:47Christina Pazsitzky?

  They're like, I'm gonna go to Africa and hunt the ivory tusk.

• 31:50Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 31:50Christina Pazsitzky?

  Elephant that there's one left. Oh, my God.

• 31:53Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 31:55Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah, it's a whole.

• 31:56Tom Segura?

  It's all about money, right? Looks like you can just pay. Yeah. You can hunt an Arabian onyx for 10 grand. Yeah.

• 32:07Christina Pazsitzky?

  So you think you're gonna, you're gonna get into hunting endangered species?

• 32:10Tom Segura?

  The cost to hunt an African bongo antelope is $35,000.

• 32:15Christina Pazsitzky?

  But, but I know it's a lot of money, but think about the joy.

• 32:18Tom Segura?

  The joy of being like, there's one less. This, this world only had a few. Now there's one less because of me. That sounds, that sounds like a real. But I'll tell you what I think.

• 32:28Christina Pazsitzky?

  You're making your mark.

• 32:29Tom Segura?

  What the highest level thing is, right? And I think you really have to have well into nine figures, maybe 10 figures to do this.

• 32:37Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah.

• 32:37Tom Segura?

  Is you go to a war torn, just really depressed place, someplace where it's just apocalypse now.

• 32:47Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah.

• 32:47Tom Segura?

  Here currently in 2024, soon to be 2025. And you just, you pay someone to hunt people. I bet that is probably. Something you can do. Where you just go, oh, I'm, I'm godlike.

• 33:03Christina Pazsitzky?

  You're top of the heap. Now, hold on. I, I, yes, and, as they say in the improv world, I'm gonna yes, and you.

• 33:10Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 33:10Christina Pazsitzky?

  I feel like doing it in a war-torn country is too easy. Like, we could drop you in Somalia or Ukraine right now, hand you a rifle, and boom, you're in the war. Too easy.

• 33:19Tom Segura?

  Okay.

• 33:21Christina Pazsitzky?

  You can hunt and kill first-world people.

• 33:24Tom Segura?

  That.

• 33:24Christina Pazsitzky?

  Like, New York City. They take you in a New York City, and you can stab a tourist.

• 33:28Tom Segura?

  Like the CEO that just got assassinated. Look at this. Russian luxury offer pirate hu- hunting cruises. That sounds so Russian.

• 33:37Christina Pazsitzky?

  For sure.

• 33:39Tom Segura?

  Wealthy pay, what is it? Eight? Fifty-eight hundred per day? That's it?

• 33:43Christina Pazsitzky?

  Oh, that's, that's nothing, yeah.

• 33:44Tom Segura?

  To patrol the most dangerous waters in the world, hoping to be attacked by raiders. When attacked, they retaliate with grenade launchers, machine guns, and rocket launchers. That's fucking badass, dude.

• 33:55Christina Pazsitzky?

  What a relaxing vacay.

• 33:56Tom Segura?

  That is so fucking cool.

• 33:59Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah. Oh, the yachts travel from Djibouti to Somalia, in Sw- yeah.

• 34:02Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 34:02Christina Pazsitzky?

  From Djibouti in Somalia to Mombasa in Kenya. Perfect.

• 34:06Tom Segura?

  The ships deliberately cruise close to the coast at a speed of just five knots, in an attempt to attract entrance of pirates.

• 34:13Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah.

• 34:14Tom Segura?

  Holy shits.

• 34:16Christina Pazsitzky?

  At least the pirates have the decency to take hostages. These people are just paying to commit murder.

• 34:20Tom Segura?

  That's fucking awesome. And I'll tell you what, that is so Russian.

• 34:26Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah, so Russian.

• 34:27Tom Segura?

  That is so fucking Russian, and I think it's really cool.

• 34:29Christina Pazsitzky?

  Well, I do like that somebody is capitalizing on what pieces of shit these wealthy people can be. It's really cool.

• 34:37Tom Segura?

  Uh, I still hope that, um, that, that luxury ocean liners in Russia, that is fucking incredible.

• 34:43Christina Pazsitzky?

  Could you imagine?

• 34:44Tom Segura?

  Fifty-eight hundred a day? That's reasonable, man.

• 34:47Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah, you could totally do that.

• 34:48Tom Segura?

  That's not that crazy.

• 34:49Christina Pazsitzky?

  It's not that crazy. But is this in rubles or whatever? What is this? Pounds?

• 34:51Tom Segura?

  No, that's just dollars. US dollars there, it says. So, six grand a day.

• 34:58Christina Pazsitzky?

  To get hunted by Somali.

• 34:59Tom Segura?

  I fucking hope we get attacked today and I'm gonna fire a rocket launcher into a ship with an 18 year old Somali kid.

• 35:08Christina Pazsitzky?

  Right, just some poor, like desperate person.

• 35:13Tom Segura?

  Kid who goes, I don't know what else to do.

• 35:14Christina Pazsitzky?

  I'm just trying to feed my family.

• 35:15Tom Segura?

  Dude, and then I did and they fucking blew up. It was amazing.

• 35:20Tom Segura?

  Yeah, that would be really cool. You know, and people, uh, Omid Desas, who we've seen. He, he made a, I think it's a perfect transition from that conversation, a collection of me as famous killers.

• 35:34Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah.

• 35:35Tom Segura?

  And, uh, yeah, so there he did. He made me as Ted Kaczynski right there.

• 35:40Christina Pazsitzky?

  That's really good. It's really good.

• 35:43Tom Segura?

  Uh, there's another one. Pretty cool.

• 35:45Christina Pazsitzky?

  Oh, my God, yeah.

• 35:46Tom Segura?

  Lots of Ted.

• 35:47Christina Pazsitzky?

  May I just point out that your eye bags really fit the profile.

• 35:50Tom Segura?

  Thank you very much.

• 35:51Christina Pazsitzky?

  It really helps blend in.

• 35:52Tom Segura?

  Thank you.

• 35:56Christina Pazsitzky?

  Who's this fellow?

• 35:56Tom Segura?

  That's Larry Hall.

• 35:57Christina Pazsitzky?

  Oh, what did he, I don't wanna know what he did, actually. What am I asking? Oh, there we go, Charlie.

• 36:03Tom Segura?

  Charlie Manson.

• 36:03Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah, that one's good. Yeah.

• 36:05Tom Segura?

  Well, he really did a good job.

• 36:06Christina Pazsitzky?

  The swastika, he really burned in there. Nice. Yeah. Oh.

• 36:10Tom Segura?

  Ed Kemper.

• 36:11Christina Pazsitzky?

  Okay. I like how you know all these fellows right off the bat. I don't even know these guys.

• 36:16Tom Segura?

  Look at that, his Dahmer.

• 36:17Christina Pazsitzky?

  That's good. Yeah.

• 36:18Tom Segura?

  That is pretty cool, man.

• 36:20Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah, I kinda like you more as Dahmer. You're cute as a blonde.

• 36:23Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 36:24Christina Pazsitzky?

  Very cute.

• 36:26Tom Segura?

  There we are. Green River Killer.

• 36:29Christina Pazsitzky?

  That one's awesome.

• 36:31Tom Segura?

  That is cool.

• 36:32Christina Pazsitzky?

  Wow.

• 36:33Tom Segura?

  Bundy.

• 36:34Christina Pazsitzky?

  There you go. Fresh shaven. That's a, that's a younger Tom.

• 36:37Tom Segura?

  I was just there. I was just in Tallahassee. That's where he was a big time goofball and he went into the, uh...

• 36:43Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yo, here's a rich guy thing you can get into is doing pilgrimages to where like serial killer stuff happened.

• 36:50Tom Segura?

  So we were talking to the cops in Tallahassee and we're like, hey, uh, you know the Bundy? He's like, yeah.

• 36:58Christina Pazsitzky?

  You know that guy?

• 36:58Tom Segura?

  And we're like, so is that house, the Omega Chi house? He's like, it's still there and, and, uh, it's like, I was like, does it ever, you know? He's like, well, every once in a while, we'll get a call that some fucking weird guy is just like, can I take pictures and like walk around?

• 37:14Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah.

• 37:15Tom Segura?

  And we have to go like, take that guy out of there. But he's like, yeah, it's still.

• 37:19Christina Pazsitzky?

  But that's another rich guy lane. Like for instance, Nine Inch Nails, Trent Reznor, when he recorded an album, he requested to record it in the Charles Manson, Sharon Tate murder house on CLO Drive.

• 37:31Tom Segura?

  Very cool.

• 37:32Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah. So you can do cool things like that.

• 37:35Tom Segura?

  Cool stuff like that all the time is Yoshi. He always goes to like.

• 37:37Christina Pazsitzky?

  You don't have to be wealthy.

• 37:38Tom Segura?

  Every location where something horrible is happening. He's like, hi, I'm here.

• 37:44Tom Segura?

  People die here. Hello.

• 37:46Christina Pazsitzky?

  Just want to try mine.

• 37:46Tom Segura?

  Yep. Yep. Uh, Son of Sam.

• 37:51Christina Pazsitzky?

  Your hairline's pretty cool there.

• 37:53Tom Segura?

  That is pretty cool. He really nailed these photo shops, man.

• 37:56Christina Pazsitzky?

  Dude, he's really talented.

• 37:57Tom Segura?

  John Wayne Gacy.

• 37:58Christina Pazsitzky?

  Oh yeah. Look at the smile. You got your gram.

• 38:01Tom Segura?

  Pretty crazy to smile on, on an arrest like that, you know?

• 38:04Christina Pazsitzky?

  But can I tell you, why not? You're already going down.

• 38:07Tom Segura?

  I know.

• 38:07Christina Pazsitzky?

  You may as well do a goofy mugshot photo if, if you're gonna go down. Who cares? Oh my God, look how sweet you are there. Who's that?

• 38:15Tom Segura?

  Rodney Alcala, yeah.

• 38:16Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah, you look cute there. Sweet.

• 38:19Tom Segura?

  And there's a Dahmer again.

• 38:22Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah. He really likes you as Dahmer. He did you twice as Dahmer.

• 38:25Tom Segura?

  But three times as Kaczynski.

• 38:27Christina Pazsitzky?

  Oh, that's true. Yeah, you matched that.

• 38:29Tom Segura?

  Pretty cool.

• 38:30Christina Pazsitzky?

  Good work. Oh my Jesus. Good thing. Good use of talent, huh?

• 38:34Tom Segura?

  Good use of, yeah. I know you'll like something like this. This is the old name prank thing.

• 38:39Christina Pazsitzky?

  Oh, I love you. She said that you can call for my brother real quick?

• 38:42Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 38:43Christina Pazsitzky?

  Okay, perfect.

• 38:44Speaker 03

  Is it Mike?

• 38:44Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah. Uh, Hoochie.

• 38:46Speaker 03

  Hoochie?

• 38:47Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah.

• 38:49Speaker 03

  Attention customers, can I please have Mike? Hoochie to the service desk, please. Can I please have Mike? Hoochie to the service desk. Thank you.

• 39:00Christina Pazsitzky?

  Mike?

• 39:01Speaker 02

  Mike.

• 39:02Christina Pazsitzky?

  Hoochie.

• 39:03Speaker 02

  Please come see electronics.

• 39:09Christina Pazsitzky?

  His name's Dylan. He goes by Dill though. You can just say Dill.

• 39:13Speaker 03

  A doe. Dildo. Rubbity. Rubbity? Yeah. My last name's Snuts. Rubbity Snut, can you meet the party at the city moon? Rubbity Snut, can you meet the party at the city moon?

• 39:29Christina Pazsitzky?

  Oh, it's just good clean fun.

• 39:31Tom Segura?

  Yeah, it's good fun.

• 39:32Christina Pazsitzky?

  There's two things I'm really into right now. The diarrhea videos and like these silly call out name ones.

• 39:37Tom Segura?

  The diarrhea videos?

• 39:38Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah.

• 39:38Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 39:39Christina Pazsitzky?

  I always like diarrhea. I like Kaka.

• 39:41Tom Segura?

  That guy who does like diarrhea tests?

• 39:43Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah, where he's like.

• 39:44Tom Segura?

  Look.

• 39:45Speaker 06

  People always tag Christina P. and Tom Segura from Your Mom's House Podcast.

• 39:49Christina Pazsitzky?

  No fucking way.

• 39:51Speaker 06

  The truth is, Tom Segura used to fill my holes with the black guys in the truck stop before he was famous.

• 39:58Speaker 06

  More like.

• 39:58Christina Pazsitzky?

  What?

• 39:59Speaker 06

  Your Mom's House prolapse.

• 40:02Christina Pazsitzky?

  What? Is this true, Tom?

• 40:03Tom Segura?

  This is true. This is true. I didn't want this to come out today, but it's Christmas season.

• 40:08Christina Pazsitzky?

  Oh, wow.

• 40:08Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 40:10Christina Pazsitzky?

  Well, I'm still curious about his diarrhea findings. I mean, I get to the point, you know?

• 40:14Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 40:15Christina Pazsitzky?

  Oh, well, I guess we'll never know.

• 40:17Tom Segura?

  Apparently IG took down his diarrhea test.

• 40:18Christina Pazsitzky?

  No! Cause I was hoping to get a Thanksgiving one.

• 40:22Tom Segura?

  Thankfully, we've saved quite a few of them.

• 40:24Christina Pazsitzky?

  Okay.

• 40:24Tom Segura?

  Yeah. Yeah.

• 40:26Christina Pazsitzky?

  Thankfully.

• 40:27Tom Segura?

  Thankfully, yeah. Diarrhea test.

• 40:29Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah, come on, man. Don't stop doing what you're good at.

• 40:31Tom Segura?

  Also, um, you know our buddy Will Blunderfield?

• 40:35Christina Pazsitzky?

  Of course I know Will Blunderfield. You just.

• 40:38Tom Segura?

  Speaking of butts and everything.

• 40:40Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah.

• 40:40Tom Segura?

  We, uh, some of the, the team here, the research team, was able to find, um, videos of his that were on another channel before he started doing all these like learning, um, informational posts.

• 40:53Christina Pazsitzky?

  No way.

• 40:53Tom Segura?

  Yeah, it's pretty cool.

• 40:54Christina Pazsitzky?

  That's cool. I like to see his early work.

• 40:56Speaker 07

  What's up, yogis? So the butt, the anus particularly is considered very dirty and fagety in our society.

• 41:03Christina Pazsitzky?

  Wasn't expecting that.

• 41:04Speaker 07

  Through the butthole quite often.

• 41:06Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah.

• 41:07Speaker 07

  So you can see that.

• 41:08Christina Pazsitzky?

  Ny, ny, ny, ny, ny, ny, ny. Don't stretch it so hard, Will.

• 41:10Speaker 07

  It's quite tight.

• 41:12Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yikes!

• 41:12Speaker 07

  Um, and as.

• 41:13Tom Segura?

  Niana, could you please stop covering your face?

• 41:15Speaker 07

  My teacher, my talk, she says anytime you do any sort of anal play, if you're using a butt plug or a dildo, you should squeeze and release.

• 41:22Tom Segura?

  Wow.

• 41:22Christina Pazsitzky?

  Ny, ny, ny, ny, ny, ny, ny. I'm with Niana here. I don't know what it is. I'm not.

• 41:26Speaker 07

  To kind of take the.

• 41:27Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 41:28Speaker 07

  The lustfulness out of it.

• 41:30Tom Segura?

  The lust is gone.

• 41:31Speaker 07

  Out of the anal area.

• 41:33Tom Segura?

  Isn't that cool?

• 41:33Speaker 07

  Now, so we have the anal opening and then an inch.

• 41:36Christina Pazsitzky?

  A half or sorry, five centimeters in.

• 41:38Tom Segura?

  Oof.

• 41:39Christina Pazsitzky?

  The inner wall is the walnut gland prostate. The external pressure point for the prostate is right here. So not here, not here, but right before the. He's so grabby. It feels a little bit like you have to piss and a little bit like you're having an. I invite you to just play with your anus. Especially um. If you identify as a heterosexual male, placing the fingers on the anus. I don't know. Massage around the anus.

• 42:01Christina Pazsitzky?

  I feel the same way right now.

• 42:03Tom Segura?

  Okay, well.

• 42:04Christina Pazsitzky?

  Look, I love Will. I love you, Will. It's just, I tell you what I don't like, Tom.

• 42:09Tom Segura?

  Tell me.

• 42:09Christina Pazsitzky?

  What it's hard for me to watch, I should say. I love him. I love his anus. I love his body. I think he's fantastic. He's just a little. Grabby. It's a little forceful how he opens his anus with his, you know, like, just be tender, sweetie. Be tender.

• 42:23Tom Segura?

  You'll get there. You'll get there. Just gotta kinda.

• 42:25Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah, just be tender with yourself.

• 42:26Tom Segura?

  You're thinking kind of like a person who's still um.

• 42:29Christina Pazsitzky?

  Dirty and faggoty.

• 42:30Tom Segura?

  But if you.

• 42:33Tom Segura?

  Kinda. Relax into it. It'll be fine. Okay?

• 42:38Christina Pazsitzky?

  Hmm. He's just so, and his fingers are bigger than mine because he's a man, you know, and I just, I feel for his anus because it's a little.

• 42:45Tom Segura?

  You don't like your anus.

• 42:47Christina Pazsitzky?

  I don't, I don't consider my anus a sexual. For me, it's just caca, caca comes out.

• 42:53Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 42:54Christina Pazsitzky?

  I don't, I'm not into putting stuff in there now.

• 42:56Tom Segura?

  Well, this is a good transition for you because this is also something I've been so excited to share so many things with you today. Here is one of them.

• 43:03Christina Pazsitzky?

  You can take him.

• 43:03Speaker 06

  Here's a happy Thanksgiving.

• 43:05Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yes.

• 43:05Speaker 06

  On the avenue. Today I'm going to demonstrate my Pinot Noir on ice, my red wine.

• 43:10Tom Segura?

  Pinot Noir on ice.

• 43:12Speaker 06

  Special dish I cook every Thanksgiving. Italian busscheloni, it's an Italian dish my grandmother started about eighty years ago. So I show you how to drink the wine with it. Here's the Italian food.

• 43:25Tom Segura?

  Okay.

• 43:27Speaker 06

  Delicious.

• 43:28Tom Segura?

  Mm hmm. Do that and then.

• 43:30Christina Pazsitzky?

  I love him so much.

• 43:30Speaker 06

  Garlic and grease in your mouth.

• 43:31Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah, so good.

• 43:34Speaker 06

  Take one sip to help some of the grease go down.

• 43:36Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah, dude.

• 43:38Tom Segura?

  Good audio too.

• 43:42Tom Segura?

  For a video?

• 43:44Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah, you might want to go outdoors where maybe it's quiet.

• 43:49Tom Segura?

  Maybe go to like a football game next time and record it in the stands. There you go. Happy Thanksgiving. He's great.

• 43:57Christina Pazsitzky?

  So he's absolutely my favorite.

• 43:59Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 43:59Christina Pazsitzky?

  I do like that he puts ice in red wine. Look, your Floridian-

• 44:03Tom Segura?

  He's an outlier.

• 44:04Christina Pazsitzky?

  Oh, he's definitely, he's a creator and inventor, but your Floridian relatives all put ice in their white wine.

• 44:11Tom Segura?

  Yes.

• 44:12Christina Pazsitzky?

  Why not put it in the red?

• 44:14Tom Segura?

  Hey, do what you want.

• 44:14Christina Pazsitzky?

  Why not?

• 44:15Tom Segura?

  Whatever you like.

• 44:15Christina Pazsitzky?

  What, what rule is that?

• 44:17Tom Segura?

  There's no rules.

• 44:17Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah, you can do whatever the heck you want. I really like that.

• 44:20Tom Segura?

  You can drink what you want. You can also make a salmon milkshake if you want.

• 44:24Christina Pazsitzky?

  Of course. You know what I love when he, um, which is so true because it's such a subtle distinction when he's like, you feel the grease going down your throat? And you're like, yeah, that's the joy of eating a processed to me is the grease runs down your throat.

• 44:38Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 44:39Christina Pazsitzky?

  You know, I never thought of it.

• 44:40Tom Segura?

  The fat and the grease.

• 44:40Christina Pazsitzky?

  It's so good. He's right. He's right.

• 44:43Tom Segura?

  Um, so now's the most exciting part of this show is we played an opening clip of a, uh, a legendary guy here.

• 44:55Christina Pazsitzky?

  Oh my God. I'm sweating. I'm so excited.

• 45:00Tom Segura?

  Why is it not here? Oh, here it is. Um.

• 45:05Christina Pazsitzky?

  Oh, yeah.

• 45:06Tom Segura?

  Tony John.

• 45:07Christina Pazsitzky?

  And he's fired.

• 45:08Speaker 05

  You know, nineteen virus.

• 45:10Tom Segura?

  And-

• 45:10Christina Pazsitzky?

  He's got, and he's gone. He does such a great impression of Tony John.

• 45:13Tom Segura?

  He does. We'll have to reach out to him sometime.

• 45:15Christina Pazsitzky?

  Woo!

• 45:18Tom Segura?

  So, and through the years, you know, we learned about him getting a DUI, um, take your, take your Ubers, you know? Um, and then things kind of took a turn, you know, things got kind of crazier with Tony John.

• 45:33Speaker 05

  You know what's been bugging me lately?

• 45:37Speaker 05

  My motherfucking neighbor, you know, keeps on, you know, harassing me, whatever. You know what I'm saying? So.

• 45:45Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 45:45Speaker 05

  Long story short, you know, his wife comes home early from work. You know, his wife comes home and, uh, you know, she's like, Tony, can I get some help with my groceries? Cause I was, you know, working on my car.

• 45:57Tom Segura?

  Mm hmm.

• 45:58Speaker 05

  I, uh, I fucked up a bulb on my passenger, you know, front side, but whatever. So I was working on my car and she's like, uh, can I have some, you know, help in with the groceries? I was like, all right. I'll help you with some groceries. One thing, you know, leads to another, I end up sleeping with my neighbor's wife.

• 46:15Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 46:17Speaker 05

  We all party.

• 46:21Christina Pazsitzky?

  Wow.

• 46:22Tom Segura?

  And, um, I don't know, then it just like, we would, you know, we would hear from him from time to time. It was like fun and playful and DUIs and fucking neighbors and then it was.

• 46:32Speaker 05

  You wanna fuck me in the ass, fuck you.

• 46:38Speaker 05

  Come on, fuck me in the ass, motherfucker.

• 46:41Tom Segura?

  It got kind of different, you know?

• 46:43Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah.

• 46:44Tom Segura?

  Um, and then, you know, I don't know, it's just.

• 46:47Speaker 05

  And it's super crazy, you know, I've been going through a lot lately. You know, I've been going through a lot of shit, you know, no fucking friends. The government's fucking trying to fuck me over and I'm pissed off.

• 46:58Tom Segura?

  And then it kind of got to that place and we were like, ah shit. And then we just kind of didn't hear from him for a long time.

• 47:04Christina Pazsitzky?

  Years.

• 47:05Tom Segura?

  And then we saw posts where it was like, oh, he was like, I'm in a much better place now. Right? He posted that like he had reconnected with some family and he was working a job. We're like, oh, that's great. And then we come in and the staff tells us that we're actually gonna get to chat with him.

• 47:25Christina Pazsitzky?

  I'm, I cannot, hold on, before we even get into it, Tom.

• 47:29Tom Segura?

  Yes. Yes.

• 47:34Christina Pazsitzky?

  This might be like one of the greatest moments in YMH history.

• 47:40Tom Segura?

  It's pretty great.

• 47:41Christina Pazsitzky?

  I would say this could be as monumental as the time.

• 47:44Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 47:45Christina Pazsitzky?

  We called Robert Paul Champagne.

• 47:47Tom Segura?

  It's pretty cool. It is pretty cool.

• 47:49Christina Pazsitzky?

  I mean, I've loved Tony Johns for years, admired him, laughed with him, enjoyed his work. And now we're gonna speak with him?

• 47:57Tom Segura?

  We're gonna chat with him. Yeah. I'm, I'm super curious.

• 48:00Christina Pazsitzky?

  Oh, my gosh. Okay. Can I pee first? Cause I'm like so excited.

• 48:03Tom Segura?

  Yeah, sure.

• 48:04Christina Pazsitzky?

  Okay.

• 48:05Tom Segura?

  And we are back.

• 48:07Christina Pazsitzky?

  Oh, my God.

• 48:08Tom Segura?

  You went peachy.

• 48:09Christina Pazsitzky?

  I did. I'm just so nervous.

• 48:11Tom Segura?

  And now we're gonna call Tony Johns. Here we go.

• 48:19Christina Pazsitzky?

  Please answer.

• 48:23Christina Pazsitzky?

  How come cool guys can't just answer their phones?

• 48:25Tom Segura?

  It's.

• 48:26Christina Pazsitzky?

  It's so funny. Cool guys don't know how phones work.

• 48:32Speaker 05

  Well, what's going on?

• 48:34Tom Segura?

  Yo, Tony, what's up, man?

• 48:37Speaker 05

  What's going on, partner?

• 48:38Tom Segura?

  What's going on, dude? How are you?

• 48:40Speaker 05

  Good, man. How you been?

• 48:41Tom Segura?

  We're doing well, man. We were just, um, you know, reminiscing on the old times when we first learned about you. And we're so excited to be able to chat with you now. So, um, I'm Tom, of course, this is Christina.

• 48:54Christina Pazsitzky?

  Hi, Tony.

• 48:55Speaker 05

  Hey, what's going on, you guys?

• 48:57Christina Pazsitzky?

  Oh, my gosh. I'm so excited to speak with you.

• 49:00Tom Segura?

  Yeah, this is a real treat, man. So let's, um, if you don't mind, like, where are you now? Like, where, where are you, where are you living now?

• 49:07Speaker 05

  Uh, upstate New York, man.

• 49:10Tom Segura?

  Upstate New York? And, um, how are you liking it?

• 49:14Speaker 05

  Um, to be honest, it's, I like it, man. I've, uh, you know, I've met a lot of really, uh, you know, a lot of very, you know, nice people, um, out here. So I, I, I like it, man.

• 49:27Tom Segura?

  That's good.

• 49:27Speaker 05

  I do miss, you know, you know, Tom, to be honest, man, like I do miss, um, out west too.

• 49:33Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 49:33Speaker 05

  Um, I really do. But, uh, but New York's my home now, so.

• 49:37Tom Segura?

  Well, yeah, I mean, you were the sexiest Italian guy in Utah, so you have to take. You have to take that, leave that, but now you're the guy in, in upstate New York.

• 49:49Speaker 05

  Yeah, man. Yeah, I'm uh, you know, I'm trying to, trying to, you know, I don't know. Trying my best just to, you know, stay focused and working and.

• 49:57Tom Segura?

  That's great.

• 49:58Speaker 05

  I uh, yeah, man, I, I've been a lows now for like three years, so. I don't know, man, I, I like it, you know.

• 50:08Tom Segura?

  Um, so that's great. So you've met some good people. Looks, it sounds like you have some stability, right? With the, with life and with the job.

• 50:16Speaker 05

  Yeah, man. Yeah, I got, got my own place now and.

• 50:19Tom Segura?

  Great.

• 50:20Speaker 05

  Um, just kinda taking it day by day, man. Um, I, yeah.

• 50:25Christina Pazsitzky?

  I, I have a question for you, Tony. In a video, you said that you reunited with your, you said you, you found your maternal, your, your mother?

• 50:35Speaker 05

  Uh, what video was that?

• 50:37Christina Pazsitzky?

  Oh, okay. I thought, I thought there was a video where you said you like reunited with your family or with your mother?

• 50:43Speaker 05

  Oh, yeah. So I, uh, yeah, so I, um, I'm adopted. I, uh, I moved out, uh, out here in New York to, uh, to be closer with my, with my, with my, uh, biological family.

• 50:56Tom Segura?

  Right.

• 50:57Speaker 05

  Um, my, uh, yeah.

• 51:00Tom Segura?

  So you did get to reconnect?

• 51:02Speaker 05

  Yeah. Oh, yeah. Yeah, man.

• 51:03Tom Segura?

  That's great.

• 51:04Christina Pazsitzky?

  Wow.

• 51:05Speaker 05

  So I, but yeah, no, it's, uh, I, I love it out here, you know, I, I really do. I, I, all my family's out here now and, uh, yeah, I mean, things are going real good, Tom. I haven't had a drink in, geez, man. Ever since I was twenty-three.

• 51:20Christina Pazsitzky?

  Wow.

• 51:21Speaker 05

  My parents that adopted me out west, they ended up, uh, passing away, so I, I, uh, just packed up a couple of suitcases and, um, moved out west or out, uh, uh, out east, so. But yeah, the whole, the whole story's kinda wild, um, but I'm, I'm doing a lot better now, you guys.

• 51:39Tom Segura?

  That's great. That's great.

• 51:41Christina Pazsitzky?

  Can I ask, Tony, what prompted this complete change in your life?

• 51:47Speaker 05

  Um, it's kinda, it's kinda sad story, but it's also a good story. My uh, my uh, mom that adopted me out west um, was very, very sick and um, she, she wanted, she, she always wanted the best for me. She wanted me to change. She wanted me to, you know, stop partying, stop drinking, just because she knew I was, to be honest with you guys, she, she knew I was a very, very nice man, a very genuine person. I just, you know, I like to party. I like to, you know, have a good time. Um, but that's, you know, that was one of the wishes that she, that she wanted me to, to, you know, to pursue, to stop drinking, stop partying. You know, party sober, you know, you don't, you don't need to drink, you know, to have a good time, which, which I totally agree.

• 52:33Tom Segura?

  Sure.

• 52:33Speaker 05

  You know.

• 52:34Christina Pazsitzky?

  That's awesome, Tony.

• 52:36Speaker 05

  But yeah, I uh, yeah, I've been uh, yeah, you know, like I'll go out and stuff, but like I won't, I won't drink, if that makes sense.

• 52:44Tom Segura?

  No, that does. I mean, people can go out and have a good time without having a drink, for sure. Um, back in the day, like when we were first finding, you know, you were telling people to take your Ubers and all that shit. You were, you were really tying one on, right? Like what was a Tony John's party day like in the drinking time?

• 53:02Speaker 05

  Um, I, I just, to be honest, man, I, I partied by myself a lot of the times. Um, I, you know, like, I don't know, man, it was, I don't know.

• 53:13Tom Segura?

  Yeah, so, but you were, you were like a, were you a beer guy or were you like a cocktail guy?

• 53:18Speaker 05

  No, I uh, uh, Bud Lights and a whiskey, man. I'm big, big a Bud Light and whiskey guy.

• 53:23Tom Segura?

  Got you. Okay.

• 53:24Christina Pazsitzky?

  And that, and that's, that's when you got a DUI baby.

• 53:27Tom Segura?

  Yeah, you got it.

• 53:29Speaker 05

  Yep, yep. So I, um, but you know, I mean, and you know, I, to be honest, Tom, like I was, I was young, man. You know, I was twenty-one, twenty-two back then. I was, I was young and dumb, you know, you know.

• 53:41Tom Segura?

  No, we were all there. I know.

• 53:42Speaker 05

  Yeah, man. No, I, I totally, you know what? I totally agree, Tom. Like, you know, everybody does make mistakes in life and it's just moving on from those mistakes.

• 53:50Tom Segura?

  Well.

• 53:52Christina Pazsitzky?

  Oh, I have a question, Tony. We know that you've been a ladies' man your whole life. Is there a potential future Mrs. Johns?

• 54:03Speaker 05

  Um, to be honest, yes, I, um.

• 54:06Christina Pazsitzky?

  What?

• 54:07Speaker 05

  Yes.

• 54:07Christina Pazsitzky?

  Tell us about her.

• 54:08Speaker 05

  I, so, um, she probably doesn't want me to, to say this, but, uh, I, I, I, you know, I have been, you know, talking, I, I, I've been on a few dates, you know, and, and, you know, I, I like this girl. I'm not gonna say her name.

• 54:26Tom Segura?

  Sure.

• 54:26Speaker 05

  But she is a, she is a local girl out here in Auburn. Um, I, and she's the only girl that, that I've been talking to. She's really beautiful, you know, blonde hair, she's got, you know, tattoos, very, very beautiful.

• 54:39Christina Pazsitzky?

  Nice.

• 54:39Speaker 05

  That girl. Yeah, she's my age, she's, uh, twenty-seven, uh, I'm twenty-eight, so, but she's, you know, she's around my age, um, but she is a very, very genuine, very kind, loving, she's, she's amazing, like, I really, really do probably see a future down the road with this girl.

• 54:56Tom Segura?

  Wow.

• 54:56Christina Pazsitzky?

  Wow.

• 54:57Tom Segura?

  So, ladies man is just gonna become a one lady man?

• 55:01Speaker 05

  Yes, sir, yes, sir, Tom.

• 55:02Tom Segura?

  Okay, alright. Well, these, I, these are all great updates. You sound much more grounded and much more, you know, like, happy and together with everything that you've found in your life, with the job and family and this girl. This is all great news, man.

• 55:17Speaker 05

  Thanks, Tom.

• 55:18Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 55:18Speaker 05

  I appreciate you, man.

• 55:19Tom Segura?

  Well, I hope you continue to, uh, you know, uh, pursue and embrace your sobriety and, um, just, uh, you know, surround yourself with good people.

• 55:30Speaker 05

  Thanks, man, and yeah, this girl, man, I mean, I've, I've been on, you know, a couple of dates now and, and, you know, things are going really well and.

• 55:37Christina Pazsitzky?

  Nice, Tony.

• 55:39Speaker 05

  It's kinda, I don't know, I don't know, you guys, it's kinda love at first sight, you know, so, it's kinda nice.

• 55:43Christina Pazsitzky?

  Well, let me tell you something, Tony.

• 55:45Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 55:46Christina Pazsitzky?

  Everybody at the YMH family is rooting for you.

• 55:51Tom Segura?

  Yes.

• 55:51Christina Pazsitzky?

  We are thrilled that you have your life in such great place and we're all rooting for you and will you, will you please let us know if you do get married?

• 56:02Speaker 05

  Yes, ma'am, I will, yes, you got it.

• 56:03Tom Segura?

  You gotta keep us updated. Can you give us a Tony John woo on your way out of here?

• 56:07Speaker 05

  Oh, yeah, woo, come on, man.

• 56:12Tom Segura?

  We are out of here.

• 56:15Speaker 05

  You guys have a good night.

• 56:16Tom Segura?

  Hey, you too, bro.

• 56:17Christina Pazsitzky?

  I love you, Tony Johns.

• 56:18Speaker 05

  Alright, thanks, you guys.

• 56:19Tom Segura?

  Thanks, buddy. Bye-bye.

• 56:20Speaker 05

  Alright, bye.

• 56:22Tom Segura?

  Hey.

• 56:22Christina Pazsitzky?

  What?

• 56:24Christina Pazsitzky?

  Dude, that is, look, in the history of YMH cool guys, we've yet to have one completely turn his life around.

• 56:32Tom Segura?

  I mean, that is a really remarkable call.

• 56:38Tom Segura?

  You normally don't ever leave the club once you're in.

• 56:40Christina Pazsitzky?

  You never, you don't make it out alive, that's for sure.

• 56:44Tom Segura?

  And I, it's also remarkable how young this guy is. I had no idea he was so young. There's no way to really, you know.

• 56:50Christina Pazsitzky?

  No, you can't tell.

• 56:52Tom Segura?

  I think we should really salute this guy. I mean, seriously. Like, he's turned his life around.

• 56:57Christina Pazsitzky?

  I'm, I am deeply actually moved by Tony's story. I mean, he really turned his shit around. We didn't think this guy was gonna last.

• 57:06Tom Segura?

  Also shows you, a cool guy has to leave his physical location. He moved thousands of miles from, from like where cool shit was happening.

• 57:16Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yes, you have to go far away.

• 57:18Tom Segura?

  Embrace sobriety, which was very necessary for him. And surrounded himself with family, people who love you and care about you. Got a job that is stable, then he's going to that. So it's all the things that you think that somebody could, in this situation, would be incapable of doing. And he did it. So it's very, it's very impressive.

• 57:37Christina Pazsitzky?

  Now, but however, in true cool guy fashion.

• 57:40Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 57:41Christina Pazsitzky?

  Crummy audio.

• 57:43Tom Segura?

  Yeah, the audio will never change.

• 57:46Tom Segura?

  The camera angles and the audio, it's like your DNA. You just can't, you can't shake it. You can't shake it.

• 57:52Christina Pazsitzky?

  You can take the cool guy out of the club, but you can't take the club out of him.

• 57:55Tom Segura?

  Out of the fucking recording quality. Never.

• 58:00Christina Pazsitzky?

  But I am, I'm genuinely thrilled for him.

• 58:02Tom Segura?

  I am too.

• 58:03Christina Pazsitzky?

  I never, I never thought we would see a cool guy pull off.

• 58:06Tom Segura?

  This really is a holiday season episode. Yeah.

• 58:09Christina Pazsitzky?

  It's a Christmas vibe.

• 58:11Tom Segura?

  It's Christmas vibes all the way.

• 58:13Christina Pazsitzky?

  God bless Tony Johns.

• 58:14Tom Segura?

  Very fucking cool, bro.

• 58:15Christina Pazsitzky?

  God bless every one of us, even Tony Johns.

• 58:18Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 58:19Christina Pazsitzky?

  Especially Tony Johns.

• 58:20Tom Segura?

  Speaking of a different cool guy, we were on a family trip.

• 58:24Christina Pazsitzky?

  I know what you're gonna bring up. I've been thinking about it every day.

• 58:27Tom Segura?

  And this guy, we were at the pool at a nice hotel. We're at a nice hotel.

• 58:32Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah.

• 58:33Tom Segura?

  And we see this old piece of shit walk in. With his lady. They're both just.

• 58:40Christina Pazsitzky?

  Why is he a piece of shit?

• 58:41Tom Segura?

  He's just fucking about to go.

• 58:42Christina Pazsitzky?

  Can I tell you something? Can I tell you something? I felt that he wasn't a good person and Nora was his wife.

• 58:47Tom Segura?

  They were gross.

• 58:48Christina Pazsitzky?

  When they came in, I could tell they weren't like nice.

• 58:50Tom Segura?

  He fucking hobbles over, right? Hobbles over and he sit lays on a fucking like a pool chair or whatever you want to call it, right? And, and he's just laying there. And then at one point I'm sitting next to you and I go, hey, look over here.

• 59:06Christina Pazsitzky?

  Oh, my God.

• 59:07Tom Segura?

  This fucking guy decided to throw just, he laid out, put a towel over himself, kind of half put over. Take off his shorts and his underwear and put on his bathing suit right there at the pool. And lean, so you get like ass shots and balls shots as he pulls up. And then when he, when you finally are ready to pull up, he just dropped the towel, full ass mooned everybody. And puts on his bathing suit. It's like, hey buddy, there's bathrooms here.

• 59:35Christina Pazsitzky?

  Oh, not within steps.

• 59:37Tom Segura?

  And your fucking, your hotel room is here.

• 59:39Christina Pazsitzky?

  Oh, yeah. Do you know that our children are so modest, they won't do that? Like I, I've offered like, hey, put a towel around you and I'll, no.

• 59:47Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 59:47Christina Pazsitzky?

  This man, the audacity of somebody to show their balls and their ass, their old ass to everybody?

• 59:56Tom Segura?

  Lazy and inconsiderate. And just for that, we don't know who you are. We don't know your name. We don't even know about you, but you.

• 1:00:01Christina Pazsitzky?

  The cool guy club. Yeah.

• 1:00:04Tom Segura?

  Are the newest member of the cool guy club.

• 1:00:06Christina Pazsitzky?

  But what's interesting about, um, so Tom and I, I would, I mean, I, I don't think you would disagree with me, but we love people watching. I think you and I are, in addition to our new love of murder together, that's a new thing we're going to get into together. I'm on the John Bonet case.

• 1:00:24Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 1:00:24Christina Pazsitzky?

  I'm completely whatever. I'm so deep into this, solving this crime, I'm almost there. But we love observing people in the wild.

• 1:00:33Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 1:00:33Christina Pazsitzky?

  Crazy people. Remember, is it the same resort? We saw a guy scrub his foot skin off of his feet with the cheese grater that you used to scrape.

• 1:00:46Tom Segura?

  Actual instrument at the pool.

• 1:00:47Christina Pazsitzky?

  At the pool.

• 1:00:48Tom Segura?

  He just was like, I'll just shave this here.

• 1:00:51Christina Pazsitzky?

  I mean, are you fucking out? Now, do you think it has to do with just being old?

• 1:00:56Tom Segura?

  Yeah, not caring anymore about anybody. Yeah, just like, I'm doing this, I need to do this, I don't care. Is there, is there a sign that says I can't scrape my feet here? Yeah, it's just totally, just totally inconsiderate.

• 1:01:08Christina Pazsitzky?

  I know, I feel like they have to put signs now.

• 1:01:10Tom Segura?

  Just another old piece of shit.

• 1:01:12Christina Pazsitzky?

  My god.

• 1:01:13Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 1:01:14Christina Pazsitzky?

  Scraping, and that's one that's burned into my mind every time I go to a public pool now, is the guy shaving his, his feet off.

• 1:01:21Tom Segura?

  Ugh. And changing. I've seen people clip their toenails at the gate of a, of an airport.

• 1:01:25Christina Pazsitzky?

  I've seen that too.

• 1:01:26Tom Segura?

  But you're also like, are you out of your mind?

• 1:01:28Christina Pazsitzky?

  Unforgivable. I've seen somebody eat a bag of hard boiled eggs.

• 1:01:33Tom Segura?

  At the fucking.

• 1:01:34Christina Pazsitzky?

  At the.

• 1:01:35Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 1:01:35Christina Pazsitzky?

  Terminal. That is so disgusting and smelly, guys. Come on.

• 1:01:39Tom Segura?

  So crazy.

• 1:01:40Christina Pazsitzky?

  I know.

• 1:01:41Tom Segura?

  I know you're not a sports fan.

• 1:01:42Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah.

• 1:01:43Tom Segura?

  You have to see this. This is one of the, this is like a generational baseball prospect.

• 1:01:48Christina Pazsitzky?

  Okay.

• 1:01:49Tom Segura?

  Look how this guy fucking pitches here. Look at this. This is insane.

• 1:01:55Christina Pazsitzky?

  Looks like Rob Eiler. Whoa. I hate you.

• 1:02:02Christina Pazsitzky?

  Like, he's so great, like, you know you're gonna vomit.

• 1:02:04Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 1:02:04Christina Pazsitzky?

  Just for people listening, it's a guy that pitched and he's puking at the same.

• 1:02:07Tom Segura?

  During the pitch. And so he, this clip went viral and this guy was like, yeah, uh, just to clarify, yes, I was sick, but he stayed in the game and he still pitched. Sick, puking during his pitches. Isn't that crazy? Fucking unbelievable.

• 1:02:21Christina Pazsitzky?

  I hate you so fucking much. You just wait for this next drawing. I'm not looking at it again, you shitbag. You think I'm stupid? Fool me once, dummy. I'm not looking, you dumb fucking piece of shit.

• 1:02:33Tom Segura?

  You almost called me.

• 1:02:33Christina Pazsitzky?

  I hope you choke on your fucking rugie. Ugh. No.

• 1:02:40Tom Segura?

  Yep.

• 1:02:40Christina Pazsitzky?

  You just wait for this picture.

• 1:02:41Tom Segura?

  Oh, I'm, you think I'm expecting something nice from you?

• 1:02:45Christina Pazsitzky?

  No, you're a terrible person.

• 1:02:47Tom Segura?

  I know. Okay.

• 1:02:48Christina Pazsitzky?

  I hate you so much. Why are you showing me that?

• 1:02:51Tom Segura?

  I just thought it was cool.

• 1:02:52Christina Pazsitzky?

  It's not fucking cool.

• 1:02:55Tom Segura?

  I thought it was cool.

• 1:02:56Christina Pazsitzky?

  Why do you have to ruin my day? I was so happy to talk to Tony John.

• 1:02:58Tom Segura?

  I was too. I just thought it was fun.

• 1:03:00Christina Pazsitzky?

  You're such a fucking asshole.

• 1:03:01Tom Segura?

  All right, here's your TikToks.

• 1:03:02Christina Pazsitzky?

  No, that's, like, makes me happier again.

• 1:03:04Speaker 06

  But big black dick, but only in my mouth. Uh, I'm already 60 and I'm already worried about anal leakage problems. I don't need that asshole stretched out any more than it is.

• 1:03:16Christina Pazsitzky?

  He's Canadian.

• 1:03:17Tom Segura?

  I've seen this guy's clips before. It's pretty cool.

• 1:03:19Christina Pazsitzky?

  Make stretched out?

• 1:03:20Tom Segura?

  Yeah. Yep. He wants a big black one, but only in his mouth.

• 1:03:24Christina Pazsitzky?

  Well, yeah, you don't want your asshole stretched out.

• 1:03:26Tom Segura?

  Do you want your mouth stretched out?

• 1:03:27Christina Pazsitzky?

  No.

• 1:03:28Tom Segura?

  I don't know.

• 1:03:28Christina Pazsitzky?

  Talk to Will. He's the expert on this kind of stuff, actually. We should ask him.

• 1:03:33Tom Segura?

  He might, yeah, he might have an opinion on that.

• 1:03:34Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah.

• 1:03:35Tom Segura?

  Everyone's different, though. There's people right now who are going like this. Yeah.

• 1:03:39Christina Pazsitzky?

  Which team are you on? Getting your mouth stretched?

• 1:03:41Tom Segura?

  No, I don't want that.

• 1:03:42Christina Pazsitzky?

  Do you think people are really discussing this topic right now?

• 1:03:45Tom Segura?

  I mean, there's internally, somebody right now is like, I love having my mouth stretched out. And then somebody's like, mm-mm.

• 1:03:51Christina Pazsitzky?

  I don't know. I mean, if I had to choose between my anus or my mouth, I'd do my mouth.

• 1:03:56Tom Segura?

  But you don't have to choose. That's the thing. He's like, you don't have to choose. You can say-

• 1:04:00Christina Pazsitzky?

  You just blew my mind up.

• 1:04:01Tom Segura?

  Yeah, you can just be like, I don't want anything stretched out.

• 1:04:04Christina Pazsitzky?

  Or both. I don't have to make the choice. You choose for me. You do both.

• 1:04:08Tom Segura?

  Or you can go, yeah, you can go stretch everything out, stretch nothing out, stretch one of these out. Yeah.

• 1:04:13Christina Pazsitzky?

  Oh, my God. I had a Pajitski effect this morning. Hold on.

• 1:04:19Christina Pazsitzky?

  Never mind. Please read what Leona or Tanner just put up.

• 1:04:23Tom Segura?

  The human anus can stretch up to seven inches before taking damage. A raccoon can squeeze into holes as tight as four inches, meaning you can take almost two full raccoons up your ass.

• 1:04:35Tom Segura?

  Really, that's really important. That is really good information.

• 1:04:38Christina Pazsitzky?

  Two raccoons? That's fucking amazing.

• 1:04:42Tom Segura?

  So if you had to choose, you'd choose your mouth?

• 1:04:44Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah, wouldn't you?

• 1:04:46Tom Segura?

  Well, yeah, between the two. Yeah.

• 1:04:48Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah.

• 1:04:48Tom Segura?

  But, like I said, you don't have to sign up for having your mouth stretched either.

• 1:04:55Christina Pazsitzky?

  No, you don't.

• 1:04:55Tom Segura?

  Wow, it sounds like you just did.

• 1:04:58Christina Pazsitzky?

  Hey, can I tell you my Pajitski effect?

• 1:05:01Christina Pazsitzky?

  Can I tell you my Pajitski effect that I had this morning?

• 1:05:03Tom Segura?

  Sure.

• 1:05:04Christina Pazsitzky?

  So for those who don't know, that's when like you realize you've been doing something stupid your whole fucking life. And then you're like, oh, I don't have to be stupid and dumb and retarded. I can just do something different.

• 1:05:13Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 1:05:14Christina Pazsitzky?

  Okay. The way our bathroom is set up, the towels are on the other end of the bathroom and the shower is here, okay? Because there's the cupboard, but it's on the other end of the thing. Every fucking day, I forget to get myself a towel out of the cupboard and walk it over to the shower, right? I forget. So now I'm getting out of the shower and I'm fucking cold and wet. And then I gotta tiptoe on the slippery ass tile.

• 1:05:37Tom Segura?

  To get a towel.

• 1:05:38Christina Pazsitzky?

  To get a fucking towel. And you know what I realized today, Tom Segura?

• 1:05:41Tom Segura?

  Tell me.

• 1:05:42Christina Pazsitzky?

  I can put a towel rack. Directly outside of the shower, so that I just reach.

• 1:05:49Tom Segura?

  Yeah, but there also is a rack. There's that hanging rack.

• 1:05:52Christina Pazsitzky?

  Where?

• 1:05:53Tom Segura?

  That's right outside the shower.

• 1:05:55Christina Pazsitzky?

  Oh, but I put my shower caps on there.

• 1:05:57Tom Segura?

  I put a towel on there.

• 1:05:58Christina Pazsitzky?

  Hold on, hold on. Here's, I agree, I agree. Hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on. That's if you remember to put a towel on the rack. I'm saying if I get a shelf, sorry, that's the word I should have used, a shelf.

• 1:06:08Tom Segura?

  Near.

• 1:06:08Christina Pazsitzky?

  And you stack like five towels on the shelf right there.

• 1:06:12Tom Segura?

  Yeah. Wow, you're really firing on all fucking cylinders today.

• 1:06:16Christina Pazsitzky?

  Buddy, buddy. I mean, now I'm living in luxury. What am I, who am I fucking?

• 1:06:21Tom Segura?

  Good one.

• 1:06:22Christina Pazsitzky?

  You're hunting Somali pirates, I'm toweling off.

• 1:06:25Tom Segura?

  What does it mean when you dream you're naked and tied to a cross? And Bohemian Rhapsody is being played very loudly on the stereo while a nun tortures your nuts? Okay, I don't even wanna listen to the next one.

• 1:06:39Christina Pazsitzky?

  I know, I hate him.

• 1:06:42Speaker 03

  That's Gregory. Hi Greg. Hi Greg. Oh, what a good tiger. Hi sweetheart. Hi Greg. Oh, no.

• 1:06:52Speaker 03

  That's incredible. Glad my coffee cup was hit.

• 1:06:54Christina Pazsitzky?

  She's gracious. Where is Gregory? What are you doing, Greg? He's a bit peckish. Do you think we ought to feed him? Ah, I think so. I think he'll take his own foodie, but. His size is amazingly agile. I mean, he got it up there like one of your, one of your little pet cats, one of the house cats. I don't think he cares at that time dinner. I don't, I don't believe what I'm seeing.

• 1:07:12Speaker 03

  Just sit here and relax, would you, Gregory?

• 1:07:14Christina Pazsitzky?

  That's easier said than done.

• 1:07:15Speaker 03

  Gregory, where are you? Oh, what a good boy.

• 1:07:20Christina Pazsitzky?

  So Tippi Hedren, the famous actress that was in like Hitchcock movies, had a fucking pet tiger.

• 1:07:27Tom Segura?

  Gregory.

• 1:07:28Christina Pazsitzky?

  Gregory, and then.

• 1:07:29Tom Segura?

  He still has his nuts that are just hanging.

• 1:07:31Christina Pazsitzky?

  Really?

• 1:07:32Tom Segura?

  Full of fucking rage. That means that he wants to mate and fucking dominate, spread his seed. It's cool.

• 1:07:40Christina Pazsitzky?

  And just bite her head off.

• 1:07:41Tom Segura?

  Fucking huge.

• 1:07:42Christina Pazsitzky?

  He's enormous.

• 1:07:44Tom Segura?

  And she's like, he is the sweetest little guy. He would never.

• 1:07:49Christina Pazsitzky?

  And that's the thing is these dummies never think that their beloved pet tiger is going to attack them.

• 1:07:54Tom Segura?

  Did she die by her tiger?

• 1:07:56Christina Pazsitzky?

  I hope so. Let's look it up.

• 1:07:57Tom Segura?

  Okay.

• 1:07:58Christina Pazsitzky?

  I really hope so, right? At the very least, I hope that the tiger ate her dead body.

• 1:08:03Tom Segura?

  Paint your face with your period blood?

• 1:08:05Christina Pazsitzky?

  This is a whole lane of the talk where women are reclaiming their menstrual cycles. Some of them are free bleeding into lakes and rivers. Some of them are rubbing the blood on their faces for blood.

• 1:08:16Tom Segura?

  I just thought this was some American Indian shit, you know? Like this is like a Cherokee rite of passage. Is that not what's happening?

• 1:08:28Tom Segura?

  Wow.

• 1:08:29Christina Pazsitzky?

  Read it.

• 1:08:30Tom Segura?

  Tippi Hedren is still alive, lives with lions and tigers at her California. Animal sanctuary. Jesus, how old is she? She looked old in that fucking thing.

• 1:08:39Christina Pazsitzky?

  I know. Maybe she's, I don't know. I don't know how she's doing it. I don't know how she's doing it. How is she surviving?

• 1:08:47Tom Segura?

  She's 94.

• 1:08:48Christina Pazsitzky?

  Good, wow.

• 1:08:49Tom Segura?

  And that is the age to get eaten too. When you are like that and your, your skin is like paper and that thing just, but it's so, it does, it goes to give her a hug and she tears open and then it's like, I'll just eat this. Yeah.

• 1:09:03Christina Pazsitzky?

  So frail. That, Tippi's a snack for that.

• 1:09:06Tom Segura?

  That's Melanie Griffith's mom? I had no idea.

• 1:09:08Christina Pazsitzky?

  I didn't know that. I guess she's a legacy family. This is, okay.

• 1:09:12Tom Segura?

  Excuse me?

• 1:09:13Christina Pazsitzky?

  What?

• 1:09:15Tom Segura?

  God.

• 1:09:15Christina Pazsitzky?

  Look, can I, can I tell you something? There, there is a point where you do too much shit to your face that you can't take it back.

• 1:09:23Tom Segura?

  It's happening left and right now. This is the era of too much shit to your face. We're living in it.

• 1:09:28Christina Pazsitzky?

  Stop doing too much shit to your face.

• 1:09:30Tom Segura?

  I mean, I'm obviously going to get my nose fixed and.

• 1:09:33Christina Pazsitzky?

  You gotta do that. You gotta do that. I mean, stop doing that, you did this. You gotta look old dude, it's okay.

• 1:09:41Tom Segura?

  Just be old.

• 1:09:42Christina Pazsitzky?

  Fuck, I'd rather look old and weird.

• 1:09:49Christina Pazsitzky?

  Eating ground beef.

• 1:09:50Tom Segura?

  What the fuck?

• 1:09:52Christina Pazsitzky?

  So this woman is just sitting on some steps out in the public, eating out of ground, just eating a ground beef.

• 1:09:58Tom Segura?

  From the, from the, uh, yeah, from the packaging, like from the grocery store. She's enjoying it. To be fair, you know, she looks like.

• 1:10:09Christina Pazsitzky?

  What, Tom?

• 1:10:10Tom Segura?

  You know.

• 1:10:11Christina Pazsitzky?

  What?

• 1:10:11Tom Segura?

  She's making a whole bunch of different decisions.

• 1:10:15Christina Pazsitzky?

  At first I forgot, I curated this, I thought it was Sour Belts. And I was like, I fucking love Sour Belts. And then I was like, oh, those aren't Sour Belts. Those are matey belts.

• 1:10:25Speaker 05

  Holly, I'm begging you with all my heart and soul, please respond to me, please. Holly, I can prove to you everything I'm saying to you. If you give me a chance to talk to me, Holly, please. I've been there more than over two years looking for you. Please don't do this to me.

• 1:10:35Tom Segura?

  Two years?

• 1:10:36Speaker 05

  Please respond to me, please. I'm begging you. I'll do anything.

• 1:10:41Tom Segura?

  It just ends there? Ends like that?

• 1:10:46Tom Segura?

  Does anybody know Holly?

• 1:10:48Christina Pazsitzky?

  Can somebody help this man?

• 1:10:49Tom Segura?

  Can somebody fucking... It's two years he's been doing this.

• 1:10:53Christina Pazsitzky?

  Please, somebody. Tell Holly he still loves her. Jeff still loves you.

• 1:10:57Tom Segura?

  Come on, it's Chuck. I think it's Chuck.

• 1:10:59Christina Pazsitzky?

  Oh, Chuck loves you.

• 1:11:00Tom Segura?

  Chuck is really out there.

• 1:11:01Christina Pazsitzky?

  He's in his tent out there.

• 1:11:02Tom Segura?

  He's by the freeway wearing his Tapout hoodie and he's just looking for you.

• 1:11:07Christina Pazsitzky?

  Oh my god, they still make those?

• 1:11:09Tom Segura?

  Yeah, I think so.

• 1:11:10Christina Pazsitzky?

  Is Tapout still real?

• 1:11:11Tom Segura?

  I don't know.

• 1:11:12Christina Pazsitzky?

  I haven't... It's been a while. It's like FUBU.

• 1:11:15Tom Segura?

  Oh my god.

• 1:11:18Christina Pazsitzky?

  So this, do you guys?

• 1:11:21Tom Segura?

  Holy shit. How is this the craziest talk I've seen?

• 1:11:28Christina Pazsitzky?

  So if you really love your dog, I mean, only if you really love your dog, when it dies, you can make a pelt out of its dead corpse so that you can lay it down on the floor

• 1:11:41Christina Pazsitzky?

  in front of the fireplace, just where...

• 1:11:47Christina Pazsitzky?

  This is where it used to lay. That's where... That's where Chub Chub used to lay, right there in front of the fireplace.

• 1:11:54Tom Segura?

  What is that? And you're like, well, they took the bones and guts out of our dog and left his fur here. And we get to lay on it and miss him. It's great.

• 1:12:05Christina Pazsitzky?

  And here's the thing.

• 1:12:06Tom Segura?

  That is fucking crazy.

• 1:12:07Christina Pazsitzky?

  But here's the deal, man.

• 1:12:08Tom Segura?

  Five grand for a big dog.

• 1:12:10Christina Pazsitzky?

  For a fucking real pet pelt? Here's the thing. You and I love pets, obviously. Like, we're obsessed with our animals. I'm kind of torn because, hold on, you know how much we love Fife?

• 1:12:24Christina Pazsitzky?

  Do you think you can see where is Fife? Oh, where's his six tits?

• 1:12:28Tom Segura?

  I don't know. Oh, this is nice that this is here now.

• 1:12:34Tom Segura?

  That's cool, I didn't know that that was there. And there's Tony John, that's cool. Woo, right behind you, yeah, it's awesome.

• 1:12:40Christina Pazsitzky?

  But don't you love them, like, it's like, yeah, you get to see them, but you get to see them in kind of a fucked up way?

• 1:12:46Tom Segura?

  Kinda fucked up?

• 1:12:47Christina Pazsitzky?

  Not see them.

• 1:12:48Tom Segura?

  It looks like a fucking cement truck rolled over your dog. And that's what you see every day when you walk in your room.

• 1:12:54Speaker 05

  Fito is behind the portrait.

• 1:12:55Christina Pazsitzky?

  Oh, okay.

• 1:12:57Tom Segura?

  Oh, okay, okay.

• 1:12:58Christina Pazsitzky?

  I mean, like, do you wanna see a mushed sad version?

• 1:13:01Tom Segura?

  I don't like this at all.

• 1:13:02Christina Pazsitzky?

  What about, I mean, what about taxidermy? You could just stuff your...

• 1:13:05Tom Segura?

  No, I think you just say goodbye. I think you say goodbye. Photos are cool.

• 1:13:10Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah, pictures and videos and stuff.

• 1:13:13Tom Segura?

  Oh my god.

• 1:13:16Christina Pazsitzky?

  Rock climbing, Tom loves this, cave climbing, I should say.

• 1:13:19Tom Segura?

  So right now, I'm...

• 1:13:22Tom Segura?

  Oh, man. Breathing out. It's crazy how I can feel the, I can literally feel the anxiety, Spike, when we watch a clip like this.

• 1:13:33Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah, yeah, it's so narrow.

• 1:13:35Tom Segura?

  I don't like this.

• 1:13:36Christina Pazsitzky?

  Why not?

• 1:13:37Tom Segura?

  I don't like it.

• 1:13:38Christina Pazsitzky?

  Why? You're so...

• 1:13:44Christina Pazsitzky?

  This is a guy who's got a snake attached to his forehead, biting it.

• 1:13:51Christina Pazsitzky?

  Tanner, what's he saying in Filipino to the, to Gollum? What is he saying?

• 1:13:55Speaker 05

  He's saying ouch, this kinda hurts.

• 1:14:00Tom Segura?

  He's just chilling, though.

• 1:14:03Christina Pazsitzky?

  Can somebody fucking take it off of his forehead and stop filming?

• 1:14:06Tom Segura?

  What's interesting, though, cuz this guy obviously fucks around a lot with animals. He knows that if you go like this to rip it off, he's probably gonna tear his forehead off.

• 1:14:14Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah.

• 1:14:15Tom Segura?

  So he's just kinda like letting it deposit its venom, and then he's gonna pull it off. Isn't that nice? He knows. He knows that if you go, like that. It's like that lady that got bit by a gator that one time, and she rolled on the death roll and preserved her arm.

• 1:14:30Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah.

• 1:14:31Tom Segura?

  Because everybody else would just kinda go, uh, and then your just arm goes flying off.

• 1:14:35Christina Pazsitzky?

  I know. But can I tell you that I don't think I would have the wherewithal to just allow the snake to finish?

• 1:14:40Tom Segura?

  That's how fucking, like, familiar they are.

• 1:14:42Christina Pazsitzky?

  You'd have to just skin graft my forehead, and like, just rip the skin off.

• 1:14:50Tom Segura?

  He's, dude, he's in a new location. That snake's not going anywhere.

• 1:14:56Christina Pazsitzky?

  He's laughing now.

• 1:15:01Tom Segura?

  Alright, I think you're almost done with him. He's almost done with you.

• 1:15:05Christina Pazsitzky?

  I think you can rip it off now.

• 1:15:07Tom Segura?

  I think so too. He's probably one of these who's like, I'm in his house, I don't want to upset him, you know?

• 1:15:15Christina Pazsitzky?

  Oh fuck.

• 1:15:16Tom Segura?

  There you go. Jesus.

• 1:15:18Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah, you dummy. How do you get bitten in the face? That means you're face to face with a snake, stupid.

• 1:15:26Christina Pazsitzky?

  What did he say? Don't you translate it?

• 1:15:28Tom Segura?

  Uh, I don't know yet.

• 1:15:30Christina Pazsitzky?

  I think he, can I tell you what happened?

• 1:15:32Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 1:15:32Christina Pazsitzky?

  In my mind, he says, oh, taka taka taka taka, green snake. And then, he, he leaned down with his friend and he was like, taka taka taka, I'm gonna put my face in the face.

• 1:15:43Tom Segura?

  Put my face in the taka taka, yeah, that's what you think.

• 1:15:45Christina Pazsitzky?

  And then it latched on. Well, how the fuck does a snake get to your forehead?

• 1:15:48Tom Segura?

  I don't know.

• 1:15:49Christina Pazsitzky?

  That doesn't fall from a tree and just bite your forehead at that angle. He let, he leaned down.

• 1:15:53Tom Segura?

  He's in the fucking jungle, so I don't know, I could have been anything then.

• 1:15:56Christina Pazsitzky?

  Stupid.

• 1:15:57Tom Segura?

  Alright.

• 1:15:58Speaker 05

  I'm literally naked naked on my bed right now. And I just need a cuddle buddy. That's all I'm asking for, a cuddle buddy.

• 1:16:06Tom Segura?

  No, you're not. No, you're not.

• 1:16:08Christina Pazsitzky?

  Right?

• 1:16:09Tom Segura?

  That's a fucking lie.

• 1:16:10Christina Pazsitzky?

  No, I know.

• 1:16:11Tom Segura?

  You say that you want a cuddle buddy and, oh what, I go over there, I'm like, alright, I'll fucking cuddle with you.

• 1:16:16Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah.

• 1:16:16Tom Segura?

  And then all of a sudden, you're like, ooh, I'm sorry, look what happened downstairs.

• 1:16:19Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah.

• 1:16:20Tom Segura?

  And now you're trying to fuck me.

• 1:16:21Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah.

• 1:16:22Tom Segura?

  So I'm not falling for this again.

• 1:16:24Christina Pazsitzky?

  I agree, Tom.

• 1:16:25Tom Segura?

  No, you're lying.

• 1:16:27Christina Pazsitzky?

  He's not fooling me either.

• 1:16:30Tom Segura?

  So.

• 1:16:34Christina Pazsitzky?

  Poor whoever speaks, I guess, I think it's Tagalog, whoever's speaking is like, they're very upset with us right now.

• 1:16:40Tom Segura?

  Why? What'd we do?

• 1:16:41Christina Pazsitzky?

  Your pronunciation's not very good.

• 1:16:42Tom Segura?

  Well, I mean, I'm trying, I love languages. I do.

• 1:16:47Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah, this guy is totally bluffing.

• 1:16:48Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 1:16:49Christina Pazsitzky?

  He's not looking for a cuddle buddy and I don't know.

• 1:16:50Tom Segura?

  I'm naked naked right now and I just want to cuddle, that's all I'm asking for. No, it's not.

• 1:16:55Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah, he's lying. He's foolery, fooling us.

• 1:16:58Tom Segura?

  We've all fallen for this trick.

• 1:17:00Christina Pazsitzky?

  I've fallen for it in college and stuff.

• 1:17:02Tom Segura?

  You're like, oh, you want to cuddle? I love cuddles.

• 1:17:04Christina Pazsitzky?

  I fucking totally fell for this, like freshman year.

• 1:17:08Tom Segura?

  Mm-hmm. Somebody got you?

• 1:17:10Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah.

• 1:17:11Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 1:17:14Tom Segura?

  Yeah, everybody falls for the cuddle. All I wanna do is just have somebody hold me.

• 1:17:18Christina Pazsitzky?

  I know, I fell for it.

• 1:17:20Tom Segura?

  Yeah. Just wanna watch this movie with someone.

• 1:17:23Christina Pazsitzky?

  Oh, yeah, the movie.

• 1:17:24Tom Segura?

  Uh-oh.

• 1:17:27Tom Segura?

  Just ignore my bone.

• 1:17:29Christina Pazsitzky?

  Ew.

• 1:17:30Tom Segura?

  Ew. And then you're like, wait a minute, why is your finger in my asshole?

• 1:17:33Christina Pazsitzky?

  Okay, bye-bye now. My asshole.

• 1:17:36Tom Segura?

  My asshole. Okay. Well, this was a great episode. I had so much fun.

• 1:17:40Christina Pazsitzky?

  Oh, my God, so did I. I had so much fun with you, Jeans.

• 1:17:42Tom Segura?

  Um, thank you guys for watching. Thank you for listening. Make sure you visit the shops and the stores. Get some lipstick from Christina P. Get some merch from the YMH store. Get some tickets. I'm going on, I'm on tour. I have a whole bunch of cities that we have announced. And, um, that's gonna be it for us. But we're gonna leave you. We started on the Greasy E by Max Newman. We'll leave you on another Chuck Woolery classic. This is, uh, Greasy by Ghost Crew.

• 1:18:12Christina Pazsitzky?

  Oh, Ghost Crew.

• 1:18:13Tom Segura?

  So, yeah, we're saying goodbye. Bye, Jeans.

• 1:18:16Christina Pazsitzky?

  Bye, Jeans. Oh, yeah. Bo, bo, bo, bo, bo.

• 1:18:26Speaker 07

  I'm Chuck Woolery.

• 1:18:29Speaker 07

  I don't like taking pills. But I have found something that works.

• 1:18:36Speaker 07

  Australian Dream.

• 1:18:44Speaker 07

  But then Greasy.

• 1:19:14Speaker 07

  I'm Chuck Woolery.

• 1:19:18Speaker 07

  I don't like taking pills.

• 1:19:21Speaker 07

  But I have found something that works.

• 1:19:25Speaker 07

  Australian Dream.

• 1:19:31Tom Segura?

  Hey, you just watched an episode of Your Mom's House. I hope you enjoyed it, and if not, watch another one. Maybe you'll like that one. They're everywhere. Look, I don't know. Replace them in like cubes or squares or whatever this is. Just click another one, and maybe you'll find one you like. Or someone will get hurt and everybody likes that. Don't forget to subscribe.