Pod Insights Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura Ranking America's Hottest Presidents | YMH Ep. 788 About this episode Get tickets for Tom’s Come Together Tour at https://tomsegura.com/tour
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This week on Your Mom's House Podcast, Tom and Tina are back together and beyond excited that it's finally December! Before sharing some updates about Tina's lipsticks and Tommy's tour dates, the Main Mommies open the show with a clip of a kissy face dude who really wants to be shown some bobs and vagene if you know what I mean. They next check out some really cool clips of some liquid brown tests and some really solid ball-bag tips. Christine also talks about her recent interest in weightlifting and Tom brings about an in-depth conversation about which US President is the hottest. The two of the go all out and rank them, before watching some Horrible or Hilarious clips and some Toks, before calling it a day. Love you, see you next week... M'wah!
Your Mom’s House Ep. 788
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Transcript 13,383 words · 8 speakers
Speaker names marked ? are inferred from speaking time and the show’s known hosts — they are not voice-verified.
0:11 Tom Segura? Bonjour and welcome to Your Mom's House. The latest and greatest hard-hitting news. We're going to cover it all today. We'll get you in on the Senate confirmations for the cabinet. And yeah, there's just so much going on in the world. What's going on in Ukraine?
0:27 Christina Pazsitzky? We care about it all.
0:28 Tom Segura? Yeah, it's all here. We're going to resolve Israel-Palestine. It's all going to be talked about today. So don't you worry. It's all coming up. That being said, Christina P., you have three new shades.
0:43 Christina Pazsitzky? Three new shades, four total, the perfect four. I've got my Berlin, which is a dark burgundy, a very deep, rich, moody color. I wore that yesterday around town, Madison. It's a mob. You can wear that to drop the kids off at the mall. It's going down. Atomic Red, which is an orange-based red, and it piggybacks off the perfect red, which is a blue base. Get them all now, christinap.com.
1:04 Tom Segura? Well, December has started, which means the holidays are close. Fellas, does your lady have lips? Maybe a good idea for a gift is to get her the perfect four.
1:16 Christina Pazsitzky? Get her some lipstick. It really is. It's the best gift for any lady in your life or fella who likes to wear lipstick.
1:24 Tom Segura? Gender is just a construct of your mind. Also, you know what's fun to do if your lady isn't into wearing lipstick? Is you get lipstick and you write things on her body.
1:35 Christina Pazsitzky? Right. Like what?
1:37 Tom Segura? Dummy.
1:37 Christina Pazsitzky? Yeah, stupid. Fatty? This part.
1:40 Tom Segura? Yeah, you write it across her chest when she's sleeping and she wakes up and she's like, "What the fuck?" And you're like, "I wrote that on you, stupid." Yeah. So it's just a different idea.
1:49 Christina Pazsitzky? That's so fun, Tom. That is really cool.
1:51 Tom Segura? I've seen it in movies.
1:52 Christina Pazsitzky? Oh, yeah? What kind of films?
1:54 Tom Segura? European. I'm a cinephile. Anyway, there's a... Yeah, it is the holidays. If you want to come see me on tour, we announced a bunch of shows. We added shows in a couple of cities. We've added shows in DC. We've added shows in Louisville, Kentucky. And there's more being added. So get some tickets. comstegrow.com/tour. It's a great holiday gift to give your loved one. Tickets to a show, live show. I mean, people came to the, I was at the club last night at the Comedy Mothership here in Austin.
2:30 Christina Pazsitzky? Yeah.
2:31 Tom Segura? And I was hanging out with people. They go, yeah, they've never seen live. And I go, well, there's, they're like, yeah, there's nothing like a live show.
2:37 Christina Pazsitzky? Oh, it's the best.
2:38 Tom Segura? They just watch specials and stuff, but just fun, but there really is nothing like live, live performances.
2:43 Christina Pazsitzky? It's a totally different ballgame. And you're doing the UK. We're Belfast, Manchester, London, Glasgow, Nottingham.
2:50 Tom Segura? Cardiff.
2:50 Christina Pazsitzky? Cardiff.
2:52 Tom Segura? People have asked me, and I wanted to actually respond to people, like, why aren't you doing a more extensive European tour? And it really is just scheduling and life commitments that just don't allow. It's, I would love to, believe me. I love doing all the cities that I've done before, and Paris, Berlin, and Copenhagen, and so on and so forth. It's just, you have to have the time to do it. It's too much time.
3:19 Christina Pazsitzky? Too much time.
3:20 Tom Segura? Yeah.
3:20 Christina Pazsitzky? You can't do it all.
3:21 Tom Segura? So that's why, if you're asking me, it's not that I don't want to go. It's just that I don't have the time. That's it.
3:26 Christina Pazsitzky? You don't have the time. You're a very important guy.
3:28 Tom Segura? Well, it's not, you know, it's just like, to do that, you have to commit like a month. You have to do it for like a month. So it's just too much.
3:35 Christina Pazsitzky? Too much, Jamie.
3:35 Tom Segura? But I love you, and I would love to come back and do those cities. And maybe I can do a second European run at a different time.
3:42 Christina Pazsitzky? Yeah, you're just one man.
3:44 Tom Segura? Mm hmm. Yeah, last time was too exhausting. It's too much.
3:47 Christina Pazsitzky? You've been touring. You're on it forever. People are like, oh, when is Tom touring again? I'm like, he's always touring, never not touring. You're always on the road. That's how it goes.
3:57 Tom Segura? I mean, it's our job, though. That's the other thing that like, when people say that to me, I'm like, yeah, but that is, that is my job. My job is to do that.
4:04 Christina Pazsitzky? Touring.
4:04 Tom Segura? Like, yeah, that's how I make a living, touring.
4:07 Christina Pazsitzky? Yep, yep.
4:07 Tom Segura? This supplements it. I love doing this, but touring is the gig. It's the main gig.
4:11 Christina Pazsitzky? It's the main man, main money gig.
4:13 Tom Segura? You gotta keep the main thing the main thing.
4:15 Christina Pazsitzky? Yeah, who said that?
4:16 Tom Segura? I don't know. Some guy. I have some wonderful things to show you. Even some things I showed last week that you missed that I'm going to bring back just to show you.
4:26 Christina Pazsitzky? So happy.
4:27 Tom Segura? Yeah.
4:27 Christina Pazsitzky? You mean, I almost got away without seeing them, and now I get to see them.
4:31 Tom Segura? And now you get to see them.
4:32 Christina Pazsitzky? Cool.
4:32 Tom Segura? Here we go. Here's your opening clique, and it's just for you. Here we go. Here you go. Blow me up, Tom.
4:52 Speaker 02 Who is Randy? Don't bring anyone mother into this.
4:55 Speaker 03 Your mom in the fucking stand! Welcome, welcome to your mom's house. With Tom Segura. Tom Segura. And Christina Pajitsin. Christina Pajitsin. Welcome to your mom's house.
5:11 Christina Pazsitzky? No, I don't like it.
5:14 Speaker 04 Want to see your boobs, send me.
5:23 Christina Pazsitzky? Okay.
5:27 Christina Pazsitzky? It's terrible.
5:40 Christina Pazsitzky? I didn't like it. Can you show me? I want, I don't like it. I want a do-over.
5:46 Tom Segura? What's funny is that, is that I don't think he knows how to kiss.
5:49 Christina Pazsitzky? He goes.
5:50 Tom Segura? He goes.
5:51 Christina Pazsitzky? Yeah, like two-year-old kisses.
5:53 Tom Segura? That means that's probably how he would kiss you.
5:55 Christina Pazsitzky? Let me see again?
5:56 Tom Segura? Yeah.
5:57 Speaker 04 Want to see your boobs, send me.
6:02 Tom Segura? It's kinda like, it's an exaggerated version of a kiss.
6:07 Christina Pazsitzky? Yeah.
6:07 Tom Segura? Like if you're showing a 18-month-old, you go.
6:11 Christina Pazsitzky? Yeah.
6:12 Tom Segura? That's how he, I bet that's how he really does it.
6:14 Christina Pazsitzky? You know, right now you've got a rugie in your bottom lip and it looks like he's got 10 rugies in his bottom lip.
6:19 Tom Segura? Yeah, but he doesn't have any rugies in there.
6:21 Christina Pazsitzky? It's full of rugies.
6:24 Tom Segura? Yeah. Because it's just all the boobs that are in his imagination.
6:29 Tom Segura? Yeah, you don't like that?
6:30 Christina Pazsitzky? No!
6:32 Tom Segura? Alright, I guess I'm better.
6:33 Christina Pazsitzky? I don't like it.
6:33 Tom Segura? Alright, we'll change it up, we'll change it up.
6:35 Speaker 05 And have to learn how to activate the testicle. The dog practice is very simple, okay?
6:41 Christina Pazsitzky? Yeah.
6:42 Speaker 05 So you go to toilet, take out your clothes. First thing, tap your testicle.
6:47 Christina Pazsitzky? Okay.
6:49 Speaker 05 And after that, tap it. And now, you hold the egg, hold the testicle and massage the testicle. Because testicle producing sperm.
6:59 Christina Pazsitzky? Right.
7:00 Speaker 05 If you rub your hand warm and get the chi and, and hold the, the testicle and massage the testicle and hit the testicle, that will increasing the sperm count.
7:12 Tom Segura? I don't think that's true.
7:14 Christina Pazsitzky? I don't know about hitting. I would say massaging, maybe.
7:18 Tom Segura? I don't think it changes your sperm count.
7:19 Christina Pazsitzky? Can you try it?
7:20 Tom Segura? I mean, sure, I can try it, but I'm also.
7:21 Christina Pazsitzky? Massage your testes.
7:22 Tom Segura? Yeah, I'll do that, like.
7:24 Christina Pazsitzky? Do it. Does it hurt?
7:31 Tom Segura? Oh, my God, my sperm count just went up. No, that's made up. I love him, but I don't think that's true at all. I think at some point, Western medicine would be like, we got a little thing to tell you about sperm count. If you rub it and massage it and give it a tap, it's gonna go up. I don't think that's true.
7:45 Christina Pazsitzky? See, I.
7:46 Tom Segura? I think he knows a lot about, like, sexual energy and like.
7:50 Christina Pazsitzky? Right.
7:50 Tom Segura? And extending your orgasms and prolonging ejac- I think he's, but to be like, your sperm count just went up? I don't think that's true.
7:57 Christina Pazsitzky? You don't think that giving your nuts some extra love would make them want to produce harder? I think it's intuitive, what he's saying. Very intuitive.
8:05 Tom Segura? You missed this, yeah.
8:06 Christina Pazsitzky? I don't want to.
8:08 Speaker 06 Diarrhea test, 471, initiate.
8:19 Tom Segura? Ah, oh, hand check. A hand check is insane. Oh.
8:30 Christina Pazsitzky? He did it.
8:30 Speaker 06 It appears to be mostly solid. Very interesting findings.
8:34 Christina Pazsitzky? It's not solid.
8:34 Speaker 06 More data to follow.
8:36 Christina Pazsitzky? He thinks that's solid? He's got a real problem.
8:39 Speaker 06 Diarrhea test.
8:40 Tom Segura? You saw this one?
8:40 Christina Pazsitzky? Love it, yeah.
8:41 Speaker 06 Initiate.
8:42 Christina Pazsitzky? Yeah.
8:47 Tom Segura? I think you've seen that one.
8:49 Christina Pazsitzky? Yeah, I like it. And this is why it drops on the floor and, oh, that's a good one.
8:54 Tom Segura? You seen this one?
8:56 Christina Pazsitzky? Yeah, I like it. No, I like it. I can watch it again.
8:58 Speaker 06 Diarrhea test, 470, initiate.
9:04 Christina Pazsitzky? Don't push so hard. Let it go. That's just a fart. I remember he's disappointed. Oh, I see it. Oh, he pees and farts. Yeah, but no diarrhea. Interesting.
9:15 Speaker 06 It appears to be just urine. Very interesting findings. More to follow.
9:23 Speaker 06 I'm a fuck-
9:24 Tom Segura? You've seen this?
9:25 Speaker 06 We're friends, dude. Do you think it's cool if I say it with a hard R?
9:35 Speaker 06 Dude, take a break from cotton picking and have some lemonade.
9:43 Christina Pazsitzky? Why does he slow down the audio?
9:45 Tom Segura? Um, I think it's just one of his-
9:48 Christina Pazsitzky? Style?
9:49 Tom Segura? It's a character choice here.
9:50 Christina Pazsitzky? And then, is this to get laid, you think, with men, or what is this?
9:54 Tom Segura? I think this is just, I think he, my theory on this is that somebody like this wants to be known for this type of stuff, meaning comedy characters. And what they do is, it's not fully engaging everyone.
10:11 Christina Pazsitzky? Yeah.
10:12 Tom Segura? So they, they take shits on camera.
10:15 Christina Pazsitzky? Right.
10:15 Tom Segura? To people like, oh, that's the guy. And then they pepper in the stuff that they would like to get the same reaction-
10:22 Christina Pazsitzky? That's such-
10:23 Tom Segura? As the diarrhea.
10:24 Christina Pazsitzky? An astute observation, Tom. Like you're saying, like, he's a failed artist. Like, he wants to do this.
10:30 Tom Segura? Essentially, yes.
10:31 Christina Pazsitzky? He doesn't know how to do it, but he's like, I know how to do that diarrhea stuff.
10:34 Tom Segura? And everybody who does any type of performance knows that feeling.
10:39 Christina Pazsitzky? Yes.
10:39 Tom Segura? Of like, oh, I want to be known for this, but it's not getting the same reaction as this, right? So, he's doing a lot of, he does a lot of this slave owner thing. On my way to get one of my slaves pregnant, I don't know.
10:51 Christina Pazsitzky? I think he just got the costume and then maybe backwarded, reverse engineered it, you know?
10:57 Tom Segura? I think the idea, sometimes ideas come to you-
11:00 Christina Pazsitzky? Right.
11:00 Tom Segura? As you know, and you're like, that's gonna fucking-
11:03 Christina Pazsitzky? That's gonna hit.
11:03 Tom Segura? It's gonna hit.
11:04 Christina Pazsitzky? You think this is the lane? He's like, this is the lane.
11:06 Tom Segura? I think he probably thought like, oh, I'll dress up and I'll be like, I'm a slave owner.
11:09 Christina Pazsitzky? Yeah.
11:10 Tom Segura? I'll do that and it'll be a, it'll really, you know, get huge reaction.
11:16 Tom Segura? And then if it doesn't, because I don't know what the reaction was to this, it's, you know, it is what it is. But then you probably was like, I should probably just shit my underwear again.
11:24 Christina Pazsitzky? Yeah. I mean, what I found is that you don't want to overthink the bits.
11:27 Tom Segura? Yeah.
11:27 Christina Pazsitzky? And it's always the bits that you give a lot of time and attention and intellectual thought to that don't really hit with the audience. You're much better off diarrheaing in your underwear and making that into a video.
11:37 Tom Segura? You're saying it, babe, that the truth is like, you, so many times in stand up, you go, this is a good one.
11:44 Christina Pazsitzky? Brilliant bit.
11:44 Tom Segura? This is like, well, constructed and it's thoughtful and it's layered and I do this and I take them down here and I'm going to say this and then you do it and it gets like a huh. And you're like, what?
11:56 Christina Pazsitzky? No one cares.
11:57 Tom Segura? And then your throwaway thing that you're like, whatever, gets like the applause break.
12:01 Christina Pazsitzky? Viral.
12:02 Tom Segura? Yeah.
12:03 Christina Pazsitzky? That's the one people remember.
12:04 Tom Segura? That's it. It's always how it goes.
12:05 Christina Pazsitzky? You can't control how the audience perceives you, Tom.
12:08 Tom Segura? You don't.
12:08 Christina Pazsitzky? All you can do is consistent output, as we've learned, and he for sure is doing that.
12:14 Tom Segura? These diarrhea tests are interesting.
12:16 Christina Pazsitzky? I love them. And I'm curious to always know the outcomes.
12:19 Tom Segura? I don't want this to be perceived as if I am turning my nose up at the diarrhea bit.
12:23 Christina Pazsitzky? Never.
12:24 Tom Segura? No.
12:25 Christina Pazsitzky? No, I, do we have more of him diarrheaing?
12:27 Tom Segura? He's, he's done 472. So there's, yeah, there's a bunch of them.
12:31 Christina Pazsitzky? Let's see it.
12:31 Tom Segura? Well, we'll get to it.
12:32 Christina Pazsitzky? But I don't understand why he wears the biker shorts because that defeats the purpose.
12:36 Tom Segura? Oh, you like the tighty whities on?
12:38 Christina Pazsitzky? I want to see the diarrhea spill down. That's the whole point.
12:40 Tom Segura? I do think you were really on to something by doing the cellophane wrap.
12:44 Christina Pazsitzky? I would have loved to have seen that.
12:45 Tom Segura? That reminds you of sack lunch. I remember.
12:47 Christina Pazsitzky? One of the greatest videos I got.
12:48 Tom Segura? You introduced me to sack lunch. I remember early on, I was like, this interesting girl.
12:54 Tom Segura? Where somebody filled up a see-through pair of underwear with diarrhea.
12:59 Christina Pazsitzky? And it was a video that was like oh five was being sent around and I was working in an office at the time and I got sack lunch and it just changed my life. Two girls, one cup and sack lunch. Oh, and Mr. Hands? I would argue are the three most pivotal videos that completely made me fall in love with the internet and see what it's capable of.
13:20 Tom Segura? It's a really cool place. I want to just point something out is that for a long time, a long time. Almost the entire time I've known you, I have tried to encourage you in many different ways to lift weights. And you were always like, I'm not a fucking guy. And I don't want to look like a fucking guy.
13:45 Christina Pazsitzky? Well, actually, I said, I don't want to look like a bull dyke is what I said.
13:48 Tom Segura? I was trying to help you out. So
13:53 Tom Segura? you resisted so much and I accepted it and you would, you still would exercise. You would do different things, you know, you would do, I don't know, cardio stuff, Pilates, all this stuff. Then pretty recently,
14:09 Tom Segura? some broad that you're working out with
14:13 Tom Segura? convinces you, I don't know how, to give weightlifting a try. And you come home and you have a fucking, I mean, an absolute
14:29 Tom Segura? groundbreaking report.
14:31 Christina Pazsitzky? Yeah. Yeah.
14:33 Tom Segura? You go, guess what?
14:37 Tom Segura? I think I was wrong and I like weightlifting.
14:41 Christina Pazsitzky? Tom.
14:42 Tom Segura? What? You're like, yeah, it took me 20 years to realize it.
14:45 Christina Pazsitzky? I don't like it. I love it. You know why? Because it's, it hearkens, you know, they have Romanian deadlift. There's something about this, you're just lifting heavy thing, lift it again. And then you lift it. It's very easy and I like it. My, my brain likes it. But you know what convinced me is that it was a hot chick that did the weightlifts, a friend of mine who's very attractive.
15:07 Tom Segura? She was like, this is what I do?
15:09 Christina Pazsitzky? This is what I do. And I was like, well, I want to look like you. And so I found on Instagram, a lovely trainer. She's like a sweet blonde, southern lady, the sweetest, most wonderful. And now I go to a gym that she teaches in, teaches in, trains.
15:26 Tom Segura? Train.
15:27 Christina Pazsitzky? And, and it is a dudes gym.
15:30 Tom Segura? Oh, boy.
15:30 Christina Pazsitzky? It is heavy metal plan. It's guys missing limbs and lifting. It's tattoos. It's smelly dick and balls gym, like a real dude gym. And I love it. But what I've noticed? Lot of sounds.
15:45 Tom Segura? Dudes make sounds.
15:46 Christina Pazsitzky? I mean, it's a very dramatic.
15:51 Christina Pazsitzky? And you're like, I've given birth twice and I didn't make this much noise. You know what I mean? Like you guys are kind of hamming it up here.
15:59 Tom Segura? Some dudes in gyms, I've been going to gyms my entire life. Some dudes in gyms are performative.
16:04 Christina Pazsitzky? Yes.
16:05 Tom Segura? Sometime, I mean, it makes sense when you're doing certain lifts, you exert obviously a lot of energy. There's a lot going into heavy lifting. So on certain lifts, it makes sense, like a grunt, a push. Some guys dial it way up.
16:21 Christina Pazsitzky? That's what I'm talking about.
16:24 Tom Segura? Yeah.
16:24 Christina Pazsitzky? And you're like, you don't need to.
16:26 Tom Segura? I know.
16:26 Christina Pazsitzky? And a lot of them wear earbuds as they're lifting so they don't hear the sounds they're making.
16:32 Tom Segura? Sure helps knock it out. Yeah.
16:33 Christina Pazsitzky? It's so embarrassing because I'm like, could you dial it? Could you calm the fuck down?
16:38 Tom Segura? It's, I know. It's, it's very, it's performative.
16:40 Christina Pazsitzky? It's because how come I can do heavy things and I don't have to go.
16:45 Tom Segura? Well, you also just started. Maybe in a year you'll be like, you know what?
16:48 Christina Pazsitzky? I gotta make the noise.
16:49 Tom Segura? Started fucking pulling three and I just, uh, I grunt now.
16:53 Christina Pazsitzky? And you know what I noticed too? A lot of iPhones scrolling.
16:57 Tom Segura? That?
16:58 Christina Pazsitzky? Lot of scrolling.
17:00 Tom Segura? The scrollers, they're not that serious.
17:03 Christina Pazsitzky? That's what I feel.
17:04 Tom Segura? They're, they're dilettantes.
17:06 Christina Pazsitzky? That's what I'm saying.
17:07 Tom Segura? I, yeah.
17:08 Christina Pazsitzky? You got time to scroll, bro.
17:10 Tom Segura? And there's also the chatty Cathys, the ones who do a set and then they go over and they just have full fucking 12 minute conversations about things. And you're like, aren't you supposed to be focused here?
17:21 Christina Pazsitzky? Yeah.
17:22 Tom Segura? Doing something? I know.
17:23 Christina Pazsitzky? Yeah. Like I, some of these guys, you know, again, I'm new to the scene. I feel like maybe they do, you know, one, one rep or whatever. And then they're just sitting on the thing, scrolling, looking.
17:34 Tom Segura? I do think I'm.
17:34 Christina Pazsitzky? What are you doing?
17:35 Tom Segura? I'm thrilled that you're doing, I really think there's nothing better. I, um, I've been going to my gym and it's the fucking greatest. I love it.
17:43 Christina Pazsitzky? I like you too. I really like it. I feel, because I've done the Pilates and stuff. This is just, it makes you feel stronger immediately.
17:50 Tom Segura? Yeah.
17:50 Christina Pazsitzky? You know, uh, you just feel, you feel better.
17:53 Tom Segura? By the way, you have an open invite to my gym. I will not be coming to your gym, but you can come to mine.
17:59 Christina Pazsitzky? My gym's too hardcore for you. You don't even.
18:01 Tom Segura? Okay.
18:01 Christina Pazsitzky? I got a sweatshirt and everything.
18:03 Tom Segura? All right.
18:05 Tom Segura? Now, I've been just absolutely killing it.
18:09 Christina Pazsitzky? Yeah.
18:10 Tom Segura? Yeah.
18:10 Christina Pazsitzky? Yeah.
18:11 Tom Segura? Every morning.
18:12 Christina Pazsitzky? What?
18:12 Tom Segura? Get up and train. Yeah, it's the best. I feel so good. It was, it really was great leading up to production. And then coming during production, it was a goddamn nightmare to do anything. I would only do it on off days.
18:25 Christina Pazsitzky? Of course.
18:25 Tom Segura? I was exhausted. But I'm happy that you're doing this. I think you're gonna really, and one day you might look like this.
18:33 Tom Segura? Look at this guy.
18:34 Speaker 03 This nigga's blind, but this nigga know where the fucking gym is at.
18:40 Christina Pazsitzky? He looks great.
18:41 Speaker 03 In shape. He's brawling. Hey, oh, hey, too. Nigga got his weight up. Nigga don't know where the fuck he at. But he know where them, them weights is at.
18:51 Christina Pazsitzky? Yes, he does.
18:53 Speaker 03 All right, man. I ain't even mad at you. You probably don't even know you that brawling, bro. That's crazy. He probably don't even know he that brawling.
19:02 Speaker 03 That's wild.
19:03 Tom Segura? If you're listening right now, there is a man crossing the street in Brooklyn who is blind and he's got the, the, the, what is it? The seeing eyes? What do they call it?
19:15 Christina Pazsitzky? Stick? The blind guy's stick?
19:16 Tom Segura? Sure. The blind guy's stick. And he's, you know, he's trying to figure out how to cross the street here. He's clearly blind. And he is in his sixties and he is beyond jacked. This dude is yoked up. He's in a tank. It looks like he's got a weightlifting belt on. And he is so fucking jacked. He is so ripped, dude.
19:37 Christina Pazsitzky? The Adidas pants. I will say too, because you guys have always joked and I've heard men joke about how like the upper body is jacked, but then the calves are like puny.
19:47 Tom Segura? It's, yeah.
19:48 Christina Pazsitzky? And I've seen it and I see it on the pictures in my gym of like the champions, you know?
19:52 Tom Segura? Yeah.
19:52 Christina Pazsitzky? They're flexing and I'm like, yeah, but how come the bottom is so tiny?
19:55 Tom Segura? Yeah, that's a thing. It's like, well, that's like so many, so many meatheads just care about like bench press, bench press and arms. That's all they do. And then they, that's that whole thing of like, don't skip leg day.
20:07 Christina Pazsitzky? Don't skip leg day, bro.
20:08 Tom Segura? Yeah.
20:09 Christina Pazsitzky? Now I know what that means. I never knew that meant.
20:10 Tom Segura? Yeah, exactly.
20:11 Christina Pazsitzky? Yeah, he looks good though. I like.
20:13 Tom Segura? See it a lot in the gay community.
20:16 Christina Pazsitzky? What? They skip leg day?
20:17 Tom Segura? You see a lot of like jacked, upper body.
20:20 Christina Pazsitzky? Yeah.
20:20 Tom Segura? Dudes. And I think a lot of times like gay dudes and they're like, just like crazy guns. And then these like little like pelican legs.
20:28 Christina Pazsitzky? Yeah, it looks great. I love, look, I love the environment. I, I, um, I love it. They're, like I said, there's like people missing limbs and stuff and they have prosthetics. It's so rad. It's so hard fucking core and I, I.
20:43 Tom Segura? A lot of people are missing limbs?
20:45 Christina Pazsitzky? Well, a lot, but there's, there's a few dudes in there who, yeah, and they have prosthetics and they're still lifting and they're still going. And I want like our sons to go there when they're teenagers and be like, you fucking think life is hard? Go fucking lift weights when you're missing a leg, bro.
20:59 Tom Segura? That's true.
21:00 Christina Pazsitzky? Go do that. I love it. No, I don't want to go to no pussy lady gym. Cause first I thought about it, like maybe they should make a lady gym with like.
21:06 Tom Segura? They do make lady gyms, yeah.
21:08 Christina Pazsitzky? What?
21:10 Christina Pazsitzky? Where like the weights are pink and stuff and it smells nice?
21:13 Tom Segura? Yeah. And it's just like all broads. Yeah.
21:17 Tom Segura? Yeah, it's, it's a very big business.
21:19 Christina Pazsitzky? Oh, I gotta talk to my, I gotta talk to my trainer about it. Seriously?
21:22 Tom Segura? Yeah, of course.
21:23 Christina Pazsitzky? How come nobody, I, what?
21:24 Tom Segura? There's even gyms that are like women only.
21:26 Christina Pazsitzky? Oh, I know that.
21:27 Tom Segura? Yeah.
21:28 Christina Pazsitzky? But I mean, like weightlifting, proper.
21:30 Tom Segura? Well, I mean, they have the equipment and then there's like the hoity-toity.
21:33 Christina Pazsitzky? Yeah.
21:34 Tom Segura? There's like the high end stuff, like, uh, what's it called? Uh.
21:37 Christina Pazsitzky? Soul cycling?
21:39 Tom Segura? Thinking of the one, it's really nice. It's, uh, is it X, E X? Equinox? Equinox. Equinox is like, usually like the high end, you know?
21:49 Christina Pazsitzky? The ladies, but here's the deal, man.
21:50 Tom Segura? It's still like a really nice gym.
21:52 Christina Pazsitzky? But that's a whole other culture.
21:53 Tom Segura? It's a different culture.
21:54 Christina Pazsitzky? I can't do it.
21:55 Tom Segura? Sounds like you want to be with the real fucking.
21:57 Christina Pazsitzky? With the bros.
21:58 Tom Segura? Yeah.
21:58 Christina Pazsitzky? Do even lift bro. Like I like saying that. I like, I like looking at them. I like listening to them. I like how there's an etiquette. They don't talk to each other. They certainly don't talk to the women that are there. I see the, I see the bros lifting and looking, but they're, they're not gonna say a word.
22:14 Tom Segura? There's a trend online of women who, uh, they're such dumb twats, who they go to gyms and they set up. Cameras to record themselves, like I'm recording myself doing this set.
22:27 Christina Pazsitzky? So embarrassing.
22:27 Tom Segura? And then they post the video of like, look at these guys look checking it out.
22:33 Christina Pazsitzky? I know, I know.
22:34 Tom Segura? They complain about it.
22:35 Christina Pazsitzky? Yeah.
22:36 Tom Segura? Cause and they'll do it for a guy who's literally just going like.
22:39 Christina Pazsitzky? Glancing, yeah.
22:40 Tom Segura? Like, look at this guy checking, like, that's a normal thing to do.
22:42 Christina Pazsitzky? It's normal.
22:43 Tom Segura? Like, people look around, they're, they're making it sound like someone's going like.
22:45 Christina Pazsitzky? No.
22:46 Tom Segura? Staring at them, yeah. And they usually get ripped apart for it, actually.
22:49 Christina Pazsitzky? No, I was gonna, I mean, the men are so respectful, actually, at this gym. And it's lovely and it's nothing like that, but.
22:56 Tom Segura? Oh, yeah, they're missing limbs. They know it can happen.
22:58 Christina Pazsitzky? I know. Yeah, but I know what you're talking about. And like, in the Pilates community, like, there's tears to that, too. Like, if you wanna go, like, rich mom Pilates, then you gotta wear the right Lululemons, you gotta wear the right thing, and.
23:11 Tom Segura? Well, I like that you told me about the yoga class you went to where there's just always one guy.
23:15 Christina Pazsitzky? Yeah, and we pass by there on Sundays, and I'm telling you, there's always one weirdo straggler in jean shorts, or he always wears the wrong fucking thing.
23:23 Tom Segura? The wrong attire.
23:24 Christina Pazsitzky? It's not the same guy, but it's a type.
23:26 Tom Segura? Sixteen chicks.
23:27 Christina Pazsitzky? Yeah.
23:28 Tom Segura? And one guy.
23:28 Christina Pazsitzky? One fucking bro.
23:34 Christina Pazsitzky? In the back of the class, just looking, sniffing buttholes.
23:38 Tom Segura? Yeah.
23:38 Christina Pazsitzky? Yeah, such a fucking asshole.
23:41 Tom Segura? Yeah, I love, I feel so much better when I come here.
23:42 Christina Pazsitzky? Yeah. Well, I, I, so I haven't done the Pilates group sesh yet at this place I joined, but I'm curious to see if a dude will show up there, cause usually it's older men that'll do Pilates, like, like, men trying to heal injuries or something, but you don't see the straggler in the Pilates class. And SoulCycle, apparently, is a whole other mom culture, too. Have you done that?
24:03 Tom Segura? The difference between, yeah, that's a, that's a totally.
24:05 Christina Pazsitzky? I hear, I hear people even rent the bike.
24:07 Tom Segura? Yeah.
24:08 Christina Pazsitzky? Like, the front, they, I want my front bike, so I'll pay $8,000 a year just to have my front bike. That's like in Manhattan or something, like, in the, in the, in the.
24:15 Tom Segura? No, the, the thing about.
24:17 Christina Pazsitzky? Those moms.
24:17 Tom Segura? The difference between, like, Pilates and yoga, though, is like, if you're in a Pilates and you're on the reformer.
24:22 Christina Pazsitzky? The reformer.
24:23 Tom Segura? There's not really, it can be very difficult, right? It can be very challenging. You can't really, but in yoga, you can be like, I can't really do this pose, and you can just kinda go like.
24:34 Tom Segura? And they're like, just breathe, just take it easy. And you can just be the guy in the back who's like, wow, there's a lot of buttholes here.
24:39 Christina Pazsitzky? Yeah.
24:42 Christina Pazsitzky? I'm just gonna do the child's pose. I'm just gonna child's pose this one out.
24:45 Tom Segura? Like, my ankle isn't ready for this.
24:48 Christina Pazsitzky? I do love doing the yoga class. I like to see people's b-holes and, you know, body parts.
24:55 Tom Segura? When we did, when we did that for, um, remember we did a Sober October Challenge?
25:00 Christina Pazsitzky? Mm-hmm.
25:00 Tom Segura? And it was, I mean, I have to say, it totally changes your perspective and your respect for it. Yoga is, can also just be completely brutal, as far as a challenge. Fucking kicks your ass. If you've never done it, especially if you're like an active person and you're just like, I've never done it, I cannot recommend trying that enough. Uh, go into it hydrated and, and ready to feel things you've never felt before.
25:26 Christina Pazsitzky? Hot yoga or core power yoga?
25:28 Tom Segura? Yeah, any of them.
25:28 Christina Pazsitzky? I mean.
25:29 Tom Segura? Try any of them.
25:29 Christina Pazsitzky? Jesus Christ, yeah.
25:31 Tom Segura? Speaking of working out in bodies, um, we last talked about some of the hottest and not so hottest first ladies.
25:39 Christina Pazsitzky? That's right.
25:40 Tom Segura? We didn't do presidents.
25:40 Christina Pazsitzky? No, we gotta do something for the ladies listening, too.
25:43 Tom Segura? Yeah, so how about we look at some of the hottest presidents?
25:47 Christina Pazsitzky? Presidents, yeah.
25:48 Tom Segura? US presidents, maybe? Or are we gonna look at international presidents?
25:51 Christina Pazsitzky? Oh, so this is great. We found pictures of presidents in their swimsuits, which I think, like, why not just go there?
25:57 Tom Segura? Yeah.
25:58 Christina Pazsitzky? Let's go see it.
25:59 Tom Segura? Let's see what's up.
25:59 Christina Pazsitzky? So there's Obama. You know, Obama, I always felt was attractive, but not handsome, where I was like, oh, I wanna bang Obama.
26:08 Tom Segura? Cool.
26:08 Christina Pazsitzky? Didn't have, he didn't have the chutzpah of a JFK, which, like, I wanna bang Kennedy, you know?
26:15 Tom Segura? Well, I think a lot of that, too, is deliberate. I think, you know, being the president and, and you, you know, he could probably throw his dick around if he wanted to, but there's a certain way you carry yourself.
26:28 Christina Pazsitzky? Barack, yeah.
26:29 Tom Segura? Yeah, for sure.
26:30 Christina Pazsitzky? That's true.
26:30 Tom Segura? But he is very well, like, put together. That guy's always, always physically fit. And, um, I think especially if you're talking about in that world of presidents.
26:41 Christina Pazsitzky? Oh, yeah.
26:41 Tom Segura? That's like, he's an outlier. Like, he was always in really good shape. George W. as president?
26:48 Tom Segura? Unbelievably good shape. This guy was running six-minute miles, like, all the ti- and for multiple miles. He was in really good physical condition. Let's, let's see who we got.
26:57 Christina Pazsitzky? Let's do presidential scale of one to 10.
26:59 Tom Segura? Okay.
27:00 Christina Pazsitzky? Uh, looks for Obama. Let's rate him on, only in the president's scale of one to 10. Like, who's our 10? Are we gonna say JFK is the 10? Oh, but his body's better than JFK's.
27:10 Tom Segura? Oh, yeah. It's also, generationally, if you look at the 60s and what they considered physically fit.
27:16 Christina Pazsitzky? Oh, you're, you're about to see it on this.
27:18 Tom Segura? Oh, my god.
27:18 Christina Pazsitzky? Okay, so look, that's like a GQ photo.
27:20 Tom Segura? Yeah, see?
27:21 Christina Pazsitzky? Okay, so, look, I'm gonna give Obama almost, like, what, do you think a nine?
27:25 Tom Segura? Yeah.
27:26 Christina Pazsitzky? He's annoying.
27:27 Tom Segura? Yeah. I would say that's a very fair rating.
27:31 Christina Pazsitzky? He looks great there. Okay.
27:32 Tom Segura? Yeah, he looks great. Alright, who else we got?
27:33 Christina Pazsitzky? Let's go see the other swimsuit edition presidents.
27:37 Tom Segura? Holy shit.
27:38 Christina Pazsitzky? Biden. He didn't do leg day, ever.
27:41 Tom Segura? No.
27:41 Christina Pazsitzky? No, Biden doesn't look good there.
27:43 Tom Segura? I mean, okay.
27:44 Christina Pazsitzky? Hold on, young Biden was kinda hot.
27:46 Tom Segura? It is more, that's what I was gonna say. What age, I mean, if we can look at anybody in their 80s.
27:52 Tom Segura? No, of course, he's 80 years old.
27:53 Christina Pazsitzky? Yeah, let's go younger Biden.
27:55 Tom Segura? What does a younger Biden look like?
28:00 Christina Pazsitzky? He's cute. Aww.
28:03 Tom Segura? That's super young Biden.
28:04 Christina Pazsitzky? That's sweet.
28:05 Tom Segura? Yeah, even in the...
28:07 Christina Pazsitzky? Oh, but look at that bad comb over in the 70s.
28:09 Tom Segura? No, the hair's not great.
28:10 Christina Pazsitzky? No, that's bad hair.
28:12 Tom Segura? But he's, he's got a handsome enough face. I think he's a decent face. I don't know what he would look like shirtless in this era, but it's probably just fair, right?
28:22 Christina Pazsitzky? So what are you gonna scale him?
28:24 Tom Segura? He's got a slender build. I mean, it could, here's the thing, you have to remember something. It gets a lot worse. So don't forget that on this scale. It gets a lot worse.
28:34 Christina Pazsitzky? Wait a minute, that's not fair. You're gonna grade him...
28:36 Tom Segura? No, no, I'm saying, you can grade him objectively, but just don't forget, if you're like, if you think this is bad...
28:42 Christina Pazsitzky? Yeah, it gets worse for him.
28:44 Tom Segura? We're not going into negative numbers, so just remember that. I think that this is, to be fair, and if you're saying Obama's a not, you gotta go down to like... Six?
28:56 Christina Pazsitzky? I was gonna say six.
28:57 Tom Segura? Cause I, this is above average, for sure.
28:59 Christina Pazsitzky? For presidents. He's a presidential six. He's a presidential six.
29:03 Speaker 07 But don't you think you need to grade them based on how they looked as president? Because we're not looking at Obama in his twenties. We're looking at him as president.
29:11 Christina Pazsitzky? Well, I would say Obama's is what, forties? And this is Joe in his forties? Should we go to like-
29:15 Tom Segura? But he's right, but Obama was president in his forties.
29:17 Christina Pazsitzky? Ah, so fifties? Do we look at people in their fifties? Presidential fifties? How old is JFK?
29:23 Tom Segura? No, it's a fair point. It's, it's what you are as president.
29:26 Christina Pazsitzky? Ah, gosh. Just when you think you have this game.
29:30 Tom Segura? Alright, we have to, there's gotta be rules.
29:32 Christina Pazsitzky? Sorted out. Alright, fine. Presidency hotness. Okay, fine. You're right, you're right. Presidency hotness.
29:38 Tom Segura? Now that guy.
29:41 Tom Segura? You gotta go down a couple notches.
29:42 Christina Pazsitzky? I mean, the tits and everything.
29:44 Tom Segura? I know.
29:44 Christina Pazsitzky? How sad to be photographed. I know, but like I'd hate to be photographed in my bathing suit. It's so awful.
29:50 Tom Segura? Yeah, no, it's a nightmare.
29:51 Christina Pazsitzky? Poor guy. Okay, this is, this is a disaster. Right now, based on that photo, I'm gonna give him the lowest. He's a one.
29:59 Tom Segura? No.
29:59 Christina Pazsitzky? Boo. Who's worse than him?
30:01 Tom Segura? You just started the fucking game.
30:05 Christina Pazsitzky? I'm giving-
30:06 Tom Segura? He's a three.
30:07 Christina Pazsitzky? A three.
30:08 Tom Segura? Give him a three. I'm telling you, you don't know what's coming up.
30:10 Christina Pazsitzky? There's nothing worse than this.
30:11 Tom Segura? I don't think you're right. I think it gets notably worse. I think it gets notably worse.
30:16 Christina Pazsitzky? There's nobody older that's been president than Biden.
30:18 Tom Segura? Have you seen-
30:19 Christina Pazsitzky? Who's older?
30:20 Tom Segura? Who's been president, though?
30:21 Christina Pazsitzky? Yeah, dog show.
30:23 Tom Segura? Alright.
30:25 Christina Pazsitzky? I'm gonna, I'm gonna say doesn't get worse.
30:28 Tom Segura? Okay, keep going. Let's move on.
30:30 Speaker 07 So what's the ranking for Biden?
30:31 Christina Pazsitzky? I'm gonna give Biden a one, based on this photograph of him with his tits hanging and everything and his body sagging. It's not his fault, he's old.
30:39 Tom Segura? He's a solid three.
30:40 Christina Pazsitzky? It just sucked. Negative. Negative. I think you're gonna see-
30:45 Tom Segura? Keep going.
30:47 Christina Pazsitzky? Okay, so now compared to him, Obama was like, oh, it's like a 10.
30:50 Tom Segura? This is sexy right here.
30:51 Christina Pazsitzky? He was so hot, yeah. Oh, look at that staged photo.
30:54 Tom Segura? Yeah, that ain't real.
30:55 Christina Pazsitzky? Hillary, that's so fake. Dude, you and I never even posed like that.
30:58 Tom Segura? It's fucking never.
30:59 Christina Pazsitzky? It's gotta be from the 80s, too. Look at that. Back when she was.
31:02 Tom Segura? It's 98, he's president there.
31:03 Christina Pazsitzky? Oh, please. Is this before or after?
31:05 Tom Segura? It says it, 90, he's president.
31:06 Christina Pazsitzky? No, I know, but is this before or after Monica?
31:08 Tom Segura? I don't fucking know.
31:09 Christina Pazsitzky? Is this staged right after that happens? This is such a bullshit photo.
31:12 Tom Segura? They're having a good time. You just fucking let them have fun.
31:14 Christina Pazsitzky? No. This is such bullshit.
31:16 Tom Segura? So.
31:16 Christina Pazsitzky? Okay, okay, okay, but Bill?
31:18 Tom Segura? Bill. Is there, are there more photos or just this one? Is there something underneath that?
31:22 Speaker 07 This is what we have here, but this is right during the Lewinsky scandal.
31:27 Tom Segura? That's rad.
31:27 Christina Pazsitzky? That tracks. Yeah, it's a fake photo. Okay.
31:31 Christina Pazsitzky? Now, personally for me, I was never, I never felt he was that attractive of a prez. He was not my type.
31:38 Tom Segura? Right. Oh, there he is.
31:39 Christina Pazsitzky? He's okay, he's good, he's real red faced, a little pink.
31:42 Tom Segura? Charisma plays a role.
31:44 Christina Pazsitzky? Great.
31:44 Tom Segura? That personality plays a role.
31:45 Christina Pazsitzky? Remember, he played the, didn't he play the saxophone?
31:48 Tom Segura? He played the sax, and he also had swag times a thousand. He's the swaggiest president we've ever had.
31:54 Christina Pazsitzky? Well, are we going on swag or are we going on looks? And I'm going based on.
31:57 Tom Segura? It's a package. It's the whole thing. You're not just like separating the two.
32:00 Christina Pazsitzky? Oh, I do.
32:02 Tom Segura? You know, you're no fun to do this with.
32:05 Tom Segura? Like, it's literally, you're making this difficult. Just have fun for Christ's sake. It's him, what he looks like, and who he is. It's all together. It's a package. So you, yes, you consider the looks, but you also know the guy. So you have to go, it's all together. Is it great? No. Does it get worse? Absolutely. So where do you rank him?
32:27 Christina Pazsitzky? Ugh, that's a bad photo.
32:29 Tom Segura? Well.
32:30 Christina Pazsitzky? Okay, hold on. I think Biden's still the worst. I think he's at a three and a half, four.
32:37 Tom Segura? I feel like I'm more generous than you.
32:41 Tom Segura? I, I feel like, I don't think that's fair. To say that that's not even average?
32:46 Christina Pazsitzky? I'll tell you why.
32:47 Tom Segura? Look at the, look at the pool of talent. You don't think that's even average?
32:51 Christina Pazsitzky? I think he messed up with the Lewinsky thing. He didn't handle it.
32:55 Tom Segura? What the fuck are we talking about here?
32:56 Christina Pazsitzky? He, what, you say he's got-
32:57 Tom Segura? What are we talking about?
32:57 Christina Pazsitzky? I'm talking about swag. You said, so he has swag. Yeah, but then that whole thing kinda diminished the swag for me.
33:03 Tom Segura? Why? Why?
33:05 Christina Pazsitzky? When he got caught with Lewinsky and then he's like, do what is in the lion and he was on, on, um, in court and he was doing the lawyering thing where he was like, now, when I say affair, my mouth, the penis on the mouth.
33:18 Tom Segura? Do you, you understand, do you understand why a woman cannot be president? Like, do you understand it? Cause it's so clear now, right? We're playing a game about who is fucking, how attractive they are in their bathing suits.
33:31 Christina Pazsitzky? I don't find him attractive. No, you said it's the whole package. What is it then?
33:35 Tom Segura? Meaning, you can't just rank the fucking, the, the abs.
33:40 Christina Pazsitzky? Which is it, Segura? Is it the whole package, the swag? Or is it the big, the bathing suit look?
33:45 Tom Segura? You're the worst.
33:46 Christina Pazsitzky? You, no, no, am I crazy? Now he's contradicting himself.
33:49 Tom Segura? No, you are the worst. Ask them, ask them.
33:52 Christina Pazsitzky? You said before, the whole package, the swag.
33:55 Tom Segura? Ask them.
33:55 Christina Pazsitzky? And now you're going back to just the swimsuit.
33:58 Tom Segura? Okay, ask them. Ask them if they, if they understand what you're thinking and how you think or whether-
34:03 Christina Pazsitzky? They don't have to understand.
34:04 Tom Segura? Oh, that's right. Cause there's only one person that understands how you're thinking right now, and that's you. Nobody else gets this.
34:09 Christina Pazsitzky? Okay then, let me have it. Can I have my own level of attraction for whatever reason? It's subjective, Tom. This is, this is a subjective sport we're playing.
34:19 Speaker 04 Can I just ask a question?
34:20 Christina Pazsitzky? Yeah.
34:21 Speaker 04 Are you saying that you find him less attrac-, you found him less attractive because he got caught?
34:25 Christina Pazsitzky? No.
34:25 Speaker 04 That like reduced his swag?
34:27 Christina Pazsitzky? How he handled it, the swag, the way that he handled it in court. I remember he was doing a bunch of lawyer speak and that was very un-swagish. And ever since then, I don't like him as much. He was doing these weird things and the phrasing and that he was, he was backpedaling. It wasn't attractive.
34:42 Tom Segura? He gave you the ick.
34:43 Christina Pazsitzky? He should, yes, that's right. He should have just apologized and owned it and go on with it.
34:48 Tom Segura? Okay, who's the next person? This is just a girl thing. Can we move on to the next person?
34:50 Christina Pazsitzky? What are you gonna rank him?
34:51 Tom Segura? He's a, uh, six.
34:54 Christina Pazsitzky? Wow. You did that just to spite me? That was a spiteful six and you fucking know it, sicko.
35:01 Tom Segura? No, no. Your, your whole rationale is, it's very difficult to process.
35:08 Tom Segura? It's, and it's very illogical. Okay. Here is George H. W. Bush as president in 1989. He's gotta be, well, is he, is he 60? Or older there? 65. He's 65 years old here. I mean, there's nothing. There's nobody, I don't feel like there's a president in my lifetime who has felt more asexual than H. W.
35:37 Tom Segura? Now, there's, there he is, right there.
35:40 Christina Pazsitzky? Yeah, I agree.
35:41 Tom Segura? He looks, he's like, he's keeping it together. This is actually, there's effort involved in this. You don't, you know what I mean? He's still running, he's slender. He's not like, you know, oh my god.
35:55 Tom Segura? Super, is there, are there, there he is, that's him much, but way before president, though. Just put George H. W. Bush.
36:05 Tom Segura? During presidency.
36:11 Christina Pazsitzky? Yeah, you know what he's got?
36:12 Tom Segura? He feels safe. He's a safe.
36:14 Christina Pazsitzky? He's got pastor vibes.
36:16 Tom Segura? Yeah, it's exactly right.
36:17 Christina Pazsitzky? Yeah.
36:19 Tom Segura? And I don't feel like he's particularly attractive or unattractive. He's just there.
36:25 Christina Pazsitzky? Right. He's the beige of presidents.
36:28 Tom Segura? He's a beige, he's a pair of khakis.
36:30 Christina Pazsitzky? Yeah.
36:32 Tom Segura? So, go back to his shirtless photo.
36:36 Tom Segura? You know, he's holding, that's a 65-year-old man. He's holding it together. That being said. I think you gotta give him.
36:47 Tom Segura? I think you give him a five.
36:50 Christina Pazsitzky? Yeah, that's so generous.
36:52 Tom Segura? Well.
36:53 Christina Pazsitzky? Okay, I'm comparing him in my mind. He's sixty-five. So we have one is Biden. I'm gonna give him a four.
37:01 Tom Segura? Okay, pretty close. We're only a point apart on that one. Maybe we're coming back together. Wow, I love the era of the pants over the belly button.
37:11 Christina Pazsitzky? I know, I do too. Cause they think they're hiding their gut.
37:14 Tom Segura? Their hoochie, yeah.
37:15 Christina Pazsitzky? Yeah, and you're not fooling anybody by doing that, but I like it.
37:18 Tom Segura? Is he throwing an apple to a child? What's going on in this photo?
37:21 Christina Pazsitzky? It's football, isn't it?
37:22 Tom Segura? I don't know.
37:22 Christina Pazsitzky? He's on the beach.
37:24 Tom Segura? A coconut. He's tossing a coconut.
37:25 Christina Pazsitzky? Oh, a coconut.
37:28 Tom Segura? Um, now, now Ronnie, don't forget, he's old as fuck. Ronnie was an actor.
37:34 Christina Pazsitzky? I know.
37:35 Tom Segura? So there has to be like some vanity to this person.
37:38 Christina Pazsitzky? Okay, but how old is he in this photo?
37:40 Tom Segura? Scroll down there. It's eighty-four, so he is president in this photo. Um, I'm gonna say he's gotta be also into his... He was a better, I think he's better sixty-five than H W sixty-five, right?
37:57 Tom Segura? Scroll down more, is there any more?
38:02 Tom Segura? Oh, yeah, here he is.
38:03 Christina Pazsitzky? No, that's a different one.
38:04 Tom Segura? That's Ford. Do, do Ronald Reagan shirtless during presidency?
38:12 Tom Segura? It's very important that we get the criteria right.
38:14 Christina Pazsitzky? See, Ronnie has like no muscle tone though. He's thin and tall.
38:19 Tom Segura? But that is also like so...
38:22 Christina Pazsitzky? Well, that's not terrible.
38:24 Tom Segura? It's not terrible.
38:25 Christina Pazsitzky? Oh.
38:26 Tom Segura? But that's, that's older.
38:27 Christina Pazsitzky? God, that's what I look like now.
38:29 Tom Segura? It's...
38:31 Christina Pazsitzky? It's bad.
38:32 Tom Segura? Yeah.
38:33 Christina Pazsitzky? Um...
38:35 Tom Segura? It's kinda, it looks like it's the same, the same trip.
38:39 Christina Pazsitzky? Well...
38:42 Tom Segura? Jesus.
38:44 Christina Pazsitzky? But here's the deal, man.
38:45 Tom Segura? All right, there we go.
38:46 Christina Pazsitzky? Okay.
38:46 Tom Segura? A little, little tit sag, but...
38:47 Christina Pazsitzky? He's got tits and a belly, you know, yeah, hold there. But here's the thing, is that he had a good face. You're right, he was an actor. Look, he photographs well, he's tan there.
38:55 Tom Segura? Yeah.
38:55 Christina Pazsitzky? He knew how to position himself, but like, you know?
38:58 Tom Segura? How old was he during, like, when he, like, just give him the benefit of when he started. He started his presidency in eighty? So how about Ronald Reagan nineteen eighty? Let's do that.
39:09 Christina Pazsitzky? Okay.
39:09 Tom Segura? That's when his presidency started. Can we see that?
39:19 Tom Segura? Okay.
39:20 Christina Pazsitzky? Oh, boy. Yeah, that's it.
39:22 Tom Segura? Yeah. I mean, he again, he's, he's, um, he's kinda, he's not beige. Like HW is real bland.
39:31 Christina Pazsitzky? Yeah.
39:32 Tom Segura? There's definitely more charm and charisma.
39:35 Christina Pazsitzky? Oh, yeah.
39:36 Tom Segura? To this guy.
39:37 Christina Pazsitzky? Okay, I'm gonna give Ronnie a generous, on a presidential scale of one to 10, I might, I'm gonna rank him higher than Clinton, and I'm gonna go with a five. I am. For me, I have fond memories of Reagan when I was a little girl.
39:51 Tom Segura? Yeah.
39:51 Christina Pazsitzky? Charismatic.
39:54 Tom Segura? Are you moist between your legs?
39:55 Christina Pazsitzky? Nope.
39:55 Tom Segura? Okay.
39:55 Christina Pazsitzky? Not, no.
39:57 Tom Segura? So, I'm gonna go to six.
39:59 Christina Pazsitzky? Wow.
39:59 Tom Segura? Well, I gave HW five. So this is six now.
40:03 Christina Pazsitzky? Okay.
40:03 Speaker 07 And Reagan was older. He was 73 in those photos.
40:07 Christina Pazsitzky? Oh, wow. So that's a good 73.
40:10 Tom Segura? That's really good. For your 70s, people fall apart in their 70s. Like, completely fall apart. It's a tough one to crack. Okay, so...
40:20 Christina Pazsitzky? This is, this is my favorite. This is Gerald Ford.
40:24 Tom Segura? Hey, look at him.
40:25 Christina Pazsitzky? Looks good. And this is for old timey standards. This is the 70s.
40:30 Tom Segura? Yeah, it's 1975.
40:32 Christina Pazsitzky? This is like the Burt Reynolds hot era. I think he looks great. I'm gonna give Gerald Ford a presidential...
40:40 Christina Pazsitzky? Gosh, I would even go seven based on that photo.
40:43 Tom Segura? Wow.
40:44 Christina Pazsitzky? Don't you think? He's holding it together.
40:46 Tom Segura? He is.
40:47 Christina Pazsitzky? Looks, looks good.
40:48 Tom Segura? Well, scroll down a little?
40:52 Tom Segura? Ooh, that's Nixon. How old is Gerald Ford in 1975?
41:11 Christina Pazsitzky? He's born in 1913. Holy shit.
41:14 Tom Segura? So, he is...
41:15 Speaker 07 62.
41:17 Tom Segura? Yeah, it's, he's a big difference between your 60s and 70s.
41:19 Christina Pazsitzky? Big diff.
41:20 Tom Segura? Big difference. All right, he's a six and a half.
41:24 Christina Pazsitzky? But again, we're going on the term of presidency.
41:27 Tom Segura? You're going the term of presidency. That's fair.
41:28 Christina Pazsitzky? Not at the age in which you were photographed.
41:29 Tom Segura? Six and a half.
41:30 Christina Pazsitzky? Looks great. Now, Nixon is the next one. And I just caught a glimpse of it. He looks really good. There, again, the high-waisted.
41:38 Tom Segura? He's not president there, though, right? No, that's 1950s.
41:41 Christina Pazsitzky? He's VP.
41:43 Tom Segura? Yeah.
41:44 Christina Pazsitzky? He looks good.
41:46 Tom Segura? Yeah, but that's not, we're not, oh, he's got it over his belly button, too. That's so cool.
41:50 Christina Pazsitzky? No. We need to bring that back.
41:53 Tom Segura? Yeah.
41:54 Christina Pazsitzky? You can't cheat now. Everybody sees everything.
41:57 Tom Segura? Yeah.
41:59 Christina Pazsitzky? Everything's so revealing. Oh. I mean.
42:05 Tom Segura? He's not a particularly attractive man, right? I mean.
42:08 Christina Pazsitzky? Still, he's got something going for him. I like his air, his air of certainty, authority.
42:15 Tom Segura? Oh.
42:17 Christina Pazsitzky? There he goes. That's not bad.
42:19 Tom Segura? Yeah, that's, I mean, that's definitely pre-presidency, but yeah. No, it's not, it's not terrible.
42:26 Christina Pazsitzky? All right.
42:26 Tom Segura? But that's much younger.
42:27 Christina Pazsitzky? Nixon, because he's got a nice full-headed hair. Hold on, before we get there, I'm gonna give Nixon a five.
42:34 Tom Segura? Okay, I think it's fair.
42:35 Christina Pazsitzky? What do you think?
42:36 Tom Segura? I'll go with five.
42:37 Christina Pazsitzky? Okay.
42:38 Tom Segura? Yeah. Are you writing these down? These are important.
42:40 Speaker 07 Oh, yeah.
42:40 Tom Segura? Okay. Okay.
42:43 Christina Pazsitzky? Okay. All right.
42:46 Tom Segura? All right.
42:46 Christina Pazsitzky? Lyndon B.
42:49 Tom Segura? Then.
42:50 Christina Pazsitzky? You can't really see, but I like, he looks like a Gene Hackman there.
42:52 Tom Segura? He also is way swaggier.
42:56 Christina Pazsitzky? Yeah.
42:56 Tom Segura? He's way cooler.
42:57 Christina Pazsitzky? Way cooler.
42:58 Tom Segura? That's my point. That's the point I was making at the beginning of this before you lost your mind, is that their personality plays a role in it. Okay? So he doesn't look particularly amazing, but he's way cooler.
43:15 Christina Pazsitzky? Matt, Yana, can we go back to Bill Clinton's swag? A lot of it was a phony baloney swag. Okay, look at me. Stay with me. Stay with me! That guy is that guy is that guy, no matter what the fuck happens to him, because he's an old-school cigarette-smoking, whiskey-drinking, I don't give a fuck.
43:33 Tom Segura? Yeah.
43:34 Christina Pazsitzky? Old-school guy.
43:36 Tom Segura? Yeah.
43:36 Christina Pazsitzky? Now, Bill.
43:37 Tom Segura? Scroll up a little bit.
43:38 Christina Pazsitzky? Whenever the, the wind. Blue.
43:40 Tom Segura? Yeah.
43:41 Christina Pazsitzky? He wasn't steadfast in who he is. You understand what I'm saying?
43:44 Tom Segura? Mm-hmm.
43:44 Christina Pazsitzky? He was kind of a pussy and I didn't like that he wavered. But that guy, this Gene Hackman looking Lyndon B. Johnson, that's a real dude. That's an old school guy. I like that. I find this, this is more attractive to me than Bill Clinton being a pussy when the shit hit the fan. You understand?
44:01 Tom Segura? Okay. So, uh, what do you like this guy?
44:03 Christina Pazsitzky? I think this is more attractive. I'm gonna give him a six.
44:08 Tom Segura? I'll give him a seven.
44:09 Christina Pazsitzky? Wow.
44:10 Tom Segura? I'm giving him a seven.
44:11 Christina Pazsitzky? Wow.
44:12 Tom Segura? Yeah. Yep. Also, we're in Texas and he's a Texan. He's a seven.
44:15 Christina Pazsitzky? That's true. That's true. Now, here it is, the gold standard.
44:18 Tom Segura? Here it is, Mr. Cum Gutters himself.
44:21 Christina Pazsitzky? Yep.
44:22 Tom Segura? JFK. He's like, did I nut in you earlier?
44:27 Christina Pazsitzky? And look at them touching the president.
44:28 Tom Segura? Oh, yeah.
44:29 Christina Pazsitzky? You see where that got him, huh?
44:30 Tom Segura? Yeah.
44:31 Christina Pazsitzky? Can't do that anymore.
44:32 Tom Segura? Oh, my God. You can't do any of this. Look how hap- they're all just losing their minds.
44:36 Christina Pazsitzky? Touching him.
44:37 Tom Segura? Yeah.
44:37 Christina Pazsitzky? Could you imagine people touching the president like this now?
44:40 Tom Segura? Not like that, shirtless.
44:42 Christina Pazsitzky? His fucking wet bathing suit. You can't see an outline of his dong there.
44:45 Tom Segura? This is crazy.
44:46 Christina Pazsitzky? It's too bad.
44:48 Tom Segura? Scroll down a little bit. What does it say?
44:50 Christina Pazsitzky? He's a gold standard.
44:52 Tom Segura? In Santa Monica. So it's 1962.
44:55 Speaker 07 During his presidency.
44:56 Tom Segura? That's insane.
44:57 Christina Pazsitzky? Yeah, they just touch him?
44:58 Tom Segura? Yeah. Now, the funny thing is the standard for bodies, then.
45:02 Christina Pazsitzky? I know.
45:03 Tom Segura? So like, if you're being like today's standards, some people will be like, yeah, I mean, like, he's not grossly overweight, but this guy's not fit. Like, that would be today's thing. They'd be like, yeah, he's not fit. And then, then they'd be like, this guy is a fucking dime.
45:18 Christina Pazsitzky? Yeah, he looks great.
45:19 Tom Segura? Yeah.
45:20 Christina Pazsitzky? Even the women's swimsuits, I love back then, because, you know, your pussy lips weren't hanging out, your ass isn't hanging out. Like, it just covered you and you felt like a lady.
45:28 Tom Segura? Nice phrasing. Yeah, yeah, look at that. But that's like, you know.
45:35 Christina Pazsitzky? Cute.
45:35 Tom Segura? You're just like, somebody would be like, well, yeah, start going to the gym. That's literally what they would say.
45:40 Christina Pazsitzky? No.
45:41 Tom Segura? For sure.
45:42 Christina Pazsitzky? I know, which sucks because I think his body is fine.
45:44 Tom Segura? It's because it's a normal body. It's normal.
45:47 Christina Pazsitzky? He's great.
45:47 Tom Segura? He actually has like a normal.
45:49 Christina Pazsitzky? Yeah.
45:49 Tom Segura? Healthy look. Now, his son right there. JFK Junior.
45:54 Christina Pazsitzky? Oh, what a stud.
45:56 Tom Segura? Yeah, he's put together. This guy fucks.
45:59 Christina Pazsitzky? He fucks big time, dude.
46:01 Tom Segura? Actually, he doesn't fuck like daddy. Daddy fucked.
46:04 Christina Pazsitzky? Daddy fucked hard, yeah.
46:06 Tom Segura? Yeah.
46:06 Christina Pazsitzky? Look at Jacqueline, wow.
46:08 Tom Segura? Look at like, um, look at Cary Grant shirtless. And, and that's a, that's like a, a great. Like for in this era, that was considered the, this is the leading man of, this is like the hottest man in the world. And there's like, there's no physique really.
46:26 Christina Pazsitzky? No.
46:27 Tom Segura? It's just.
46:28 Christina Pazsitzky? He's just like trim.
46:29 Tom Segura? Yeah.
46:30 Christina Pazsitzky? Like he just has his weight down. He looks great.
46:32 Tom Segura? Keep your weight off. And that was considered like you're doing great.
46:34 Christina Pazsitzky? But I think this is more attractive than like, I think that's lovely. That, that, this to me is what a man looks like. This is very lovely.
46:43 Tom Segura? For today's era, they'd be like, you fucking, you're not doing anything.
46:46 Christina Pazsitzky? You're scrawny. Look at that little pose. Hello. Look at his tush. It's okay.
46:51 Tom Segura? Is somebody back there?
46:52 Christina Pazsitzky? Hi, oopsie.
46:54 Tom Segura? The, um.
46:54 Christina Pazsitzky? Did I too?
46:55 Tom Segura? Yeah. And you know, for the, we had the, the big boom of action stars in the eighties, going into the nineties. Was about like Schwarzenegger, Stallone, and they're like super, super jacked. Then you see like Bruce Willis and he actually just looks normal.
47:09 Christina Pazsitzky? Right.
47:10 Tom Segura? He's not actually, he's just healthy. He just looks like weight, like your weight's down.
47:15 Christina Pazsitzky? Yeah.
47:15 Tom Segura? Just looks normal.
47:16 Christina Pazsitzky? Yeah, right. Like, uh, what's the one we watch every year at Christmas? We love Die Hard. He looked just like a cop, like an, an in shape cop.
47:23 Tom Segura? Yeah. Not even like particularly in shape though. Just not like.
47:27 Christina Pazsitzky? Not a fucking look. Yeah, looks great. That was eighties fit. I liked eighties fit.
47:32 Tom Segura? Yeah, that's just a, like, you know, like he's just not fat.
47:37 Christina Pazsitzky? Yeah.
47:37 Tom Segura? That's it.
47:39 Christina Pazsitzky? I know, even Marilyn Monroe's body, she wasn't like, you know, lean and jacked.
47:44 Tom Segura? Not at all.
47:45 Christina Pazsitzky? The way models are now. No, she had a little chub on, not chub, but just a layer of baby fat, like a normal female body fat.
47:53 Tom Segura? Wasn't she reportedly like 150, that's a full figure?
47:57 Christina Pazsitzky? Towards the end of, yeah, not in the beginning, no. Yeah, she gained a little bit.
48:01 Tom Segura? Oh, no. Well, it fluctuated, 118 to 140.
48:05 Christina Pazsitzky? Yeah, she was heavier when she died.
48:07 Tom Segura? Full tits, 360.
48:09 Christina Pazsitzky? Full tits.
48:10 Tom Segura? Yeah.
48:11 Christina Pazsitzky? Full tits.
48:12 Tom Segura? Tits were probably fucking half that weight.
48:14 Christina Pazsitzky? Yeah, tits are a lot of weight, man. That's for sure.
48:18 Tom Segura? Um, all right. How many more presidents?
48:19 Speaker 07 Full circle back to JFK.
48:21 Tom Segura? JFK.
48:21 Christina Pazsitzky? Yay, look at that.
48:23 Tom Segura? He would dump his clip in there, too.
48:24 Christina Pazsitzky? He and his brother would take, would tag team her.
48:27 Tom Segura? That is dope.
48:28 Christina Pazsitzky? In Malibu. Isn't that crazy? The president?
48:31 Tom Segura? That is crazy.
48:32 Christina Pazsitzky? And it was known. Like, oh, they just, they plow her. So weird. Who's getting plowed today? Who do you think is the Marilyn of today that like, presidents are dumping clips at, like men of power?
48:43 Tom Segura? I just don't think that that's a thing now.
48:45 Christina Pazsitzky? It's gotta be, right?
48:47 Tom Segura? I just don't think so.
48:48 Christina Pazsitzky? You think that just stops?
48:49 Tom Segura? Well, it's definitely.
48:50 Christina Pazsitzky? Is it like Instagram models? Like, you know, they get called over to the Middle East?
48:54 Tom Segura? Maybe. This is just a different era, though.
48:56 Christina Pazsitzky? Oh, my God, they wanted to shit in my mouth. Can you believe it?
48:59 Tom Segura? You know, there's no, there's no digital tracking in this era. It's just literally like, I don't know, somebody passes someone a message and then they show up. But like, this era, these guys can't do this shit. Not like him.
49:10 Christina Pazsitzky? Mm-mm.
49:11 Tom Segura? He was everywhere, just, oh, my back hurts, but if I nut, maybe it'll feel better. Yeah.
49:20 Tom Segura? But what's underneath him? Is there any more? We gotta be running out of photos here.
49:23 Speaker 07 Truman.
49:24 Christina Pazsitzky? Nah, it's a dog chow. That's one step above Biden.
49:28 Tom Segura? Well, you guys didn't rate him. Is that 10? Oh.
49:32 Christina Pazsitzky? Who? JFK? Yeah, I had a president, I think he's a presidential 10. And then right under him is Obama.
49:37 Tom Segura? Okay.
49:37 Christina Pazsitzky? The Dems are always hotter.
49:39 Tom Segura? And then, go down, go down.
49:43 Christina Pazsitzky? The men, the male downs. Roosevelt, yeah.
49:47 Tom Segura? Okay.
49:49 Tom Segura? Yeah, these guys, they're both sub fives.
49:52 Christina Pazsitzky? Yeah.
49:52 Tom Segura? Truman Roosevelt, they're like three fours. So JFK.
49:57 Christina Pazsitzky? He's the gold standard, I think, right? Would you agree with that assessment, Tom?
50:01 Tom Segura? Yeah, pretty much, yeah. Yeah, JFK.
50:03 Christina Pazsitzky? Yeah, JFK Obama.
50:05 Tom Segura? Yeah. Stars like attractive level, I think you're right.
50:08 Christina Pazsitzky? Yeah. Those guys could have been like movie stars or whatever.
50:12 Tom Segura? Anybody in there grossly disagree with any ranking?
50:17 Speaker 07 I kind of feel like, are we ranking these guys against the ones we're showing or entire presidency? Cause they would be closer to tens, almost all of them.
50:26 Tom Segura? Wait, if they're what?
50:28 Speaker 07 If they're ranked against all of presidential history.
50:32 Tom Segura? Oh, oh, I see what you're saying.
50:33 Christina Pazsitzky? Oh, yeah, they're dogs before.
50:34 Tom Segura? No, I think it's gotta be modern era. Yeah, if you can't be like, how about Grover Cleveland?
50:39 Christina Pazsitzky? No, those are dogs, yeah.
50:40 Tom Segura? Yeah, those guys.
50:41 Christina Pazsitzky? Those are hard, hard ones.
50:42 Tom Segura? Yeah, those are.
50:43 Christina Pazsitzky? Everybody was a hard one.
50:44 Tom Segura? Just the zeros, yeah.
50:47 Tom Segura? I think it has to, you have to do it in this, the photography era.
50:52 Christina Pazsitzky? Yeah.
50:52 Tom Segura? You know, yeah.
50:53 Christina Pazsitzky? Yeah, cause we don't even really know what people look like, like, right? Like Lincoln, there's like paintings.
50:58 Tom Segura? There's paintings, yeah.
50:59 Christina Pazsitzky? That, those are flattering.
51:00 Tom Segura? It's pretty, yeah, it's pretty, I mean, understood that it ain't good. None of it was good, yeah. Probably a little harsh right there on Truman, by the way.
51:09 Christina Pazsitzky? Yeah.
51:10 Tom Segura? I think we just were over it.
51:11 Christina Pazsitzky? It's a bad angle.
51:12 Tom Segura? It's not a great angle, but he's definitely, you know. Also, it's like, but you gotta picture yourself with your mouth between his legs. You know?
51:21 Christina Pazsitzky? I can't even.
51:22 Tom Segura? I know. I know.
51:24 Christina Pazsitzky? It's rough.
51:25 Tom Segura? Yeah.
51:26 Christina Pazsitzky? Who do you go for if you're gay, you have to choose?
51:29 Tom Segura? What, one of these?
51:30 Christina Pazsitzky? Yeah.
51:32 Tom Segura? I mean, for the story, probably JFK.
51:37 Tom Segura? Yeah. I'd be like, fuck, I had a pretty good weekend.
51:42 Christina Pazsitzky? Do you think he was nice? Like, he would like leave you presents? Or do you think he, you know what I mean? Like, would he just come in, pump and dump and bounce? Or would he spend some time with you, romance you?
51:52 Tom Segura? It's obviously all hypothetical, but I, I feel like there was a little romance to him.
51:57 Christina Pazsitzky? Yeah.
51:58 Tom Segura? A little charm.
51:59 Christina Pazsitzky? Yeah, because he didn't get a bad reputation for doing that. Like, women weren't like, God, this guy, you know,
52:03 Tom Segura? No.
52:04 Christina Pazsitzky? assaulted me. They were, they were happy to oblige, I think.
52:07 Tom Segura? Mm-hmm.
52:08 Christina Pazsitzky? Yeah, he probably hung out, had some whiskey and cigars and...
52:12 Tom Segura? I bet Clinton was super charming, too. I don't think he was just like, fucking lay there. I think he was cracking jokes and like, you know, being charming. I think he was probably, yeah, laying it out and like, I got you a cab and everything.
52:25 Christina Pazsitzky? Yeah.
52:26 Tom Segura? Yeah, I think he was probably nice about it.
52:27 Christina Pazsitzky? And I bet the ladies felt bad for Bill because of who he was married to. Like, you know she wasn't touching him and they, long ago, they made an arrangement.
52:36 Tom Segura? No.
52:37 Christina Pazsitzky? But Jackie, oh, I felt bad for Jackie.
52:40 Tom Segura? Yeah.
52:40 Christina Pazsitzky? She was beautiful and...
52:42 Tom Segura? Beautiful, beautiful and nice.
52:43 Christina Pazsitzky? Pretty nice, yeah. I didn't see nice. Who knew?
52:45 Tom Segura? Now... How about this guy? Oh, right, we didn't rank.
52:49 Christina Pazsitzky? He did lose the LBs.
52:51 Tom Segura? For the current, for the upcoming...
52:53 Christina Pazsitzky? Yeah.
52:54 Tom Segura? There's an argument that his upcoming presidency, in which he is notably older, he might even look better.
53:00 Christina Pazsitzky? I think he does look better now than he did before.
53:03 Tom Segura? Because he's doing less of that orange bullshit.
53:05 Christina Pazsitzky? Yeah.
53:05 Tom Segura? He actually feels like he did less crazy hair stuff now.
53:09 Christina Pazsitzky? Yep.
53:10 Tom Segura? And, um, yeah, he's older, but he dropped like fifteen, twenty pounds. So there's a, there's definitely a case that he looks better, I think, now.
53:19 Christina Pazsitzky? I think so, too. I think that someone got a hold of him and tamed him down a bit.
53:22 Tom Segura? I don't know who the fuck could do that to him.
53:24 Christina Pazsitzky? I don't know either. Maybe Melania was like, decent.
53:26 Tom Segura? He looks, I do think he looks better now than he did four, six years ago. I really do.
53:32 Christina Pazsitzky? I mean, he could, he looked insane the last presidency. The white and the orange.
53:37 Tom Segura? The face cream shit is always insane.
53:40 Christina Pazsitzky? I know.
53:40 Tom Segura? The hair has obviously always been a story. It looked absolutely crazy, too. It looked like a dead animal on his head. And he would wear these ill-fitting suits. You got a multi-billionaire wearing these frumpy suits that like, what happens when you're fat is you go, you want to cover your fat?
53:57 Christina Pazsitzky? Yeah.
53:57 Tom Segura? So you start, you start buying things that are too big.
54:01 Christina Pazsitzky? Yep.
54:01 Tom Segura? And you just look fatter.
54:02 Christina Pazsitzky? Oh, yeah.
54:04 Tom Segura? So, but he, I think he actually looks better now.
54:06 Christina Pazsitzky? I think so too, Tom. And I think Melania never ages. She looks amazing.
54:10 Tom Segura? No, that's a totally different category.
54:14 Tom Segura? Yeah, so if you had to rank him, he's definitely not doing any shirtless photos, but I think.
54:20 Christina Pazsitzky? God.
54:21 Tom Segura? Will you rank him? Pull up our score, our chart again?
54:27 Tom Segura? Yeah, I would say.
54:31 Tom Segura? He's also, he's in his seventies.
54:37 Christina Pazsitzky? I'm gonna give him a Truman ranking.
54:40 Tom Segura? Like a three, four?
54:41 Christina Pazsitzky? Yeah.
54:43 Tom Segura? That feels fair.
54:44 Christina Pazsitzky? Yeah. So Biden's still the lowest on there. Oh.
54:48 Tom Segura? Poor guy.
54:50 Tom Segura? Yeah. No, you have to, he's definitely better than that. So if I gave Biden a three, yeah, I would say that Trump's a four and a half.
55:00 Tom Segura? He's seventy fucking eight years old also.
55:02 Christina Pazsitzky? Looks better.
55:03 Tom Segura? Yeah.
55:05 Tom Segura? Yeah.
55:05 Christina Pazsitzky? Wow, I'm so glad we did this work.
55:07 Tom Segura? This was important. We're gonna get to Syria and some of the issues going on internationally in a moment. Yeah, but this was important work.
55:17 Christina Pazsitzky? We spent so much emotional energy on it too.
55:19 Tom Segura? Yeah.
55:20 Christina Pazsitzky? Look how heated we got, Tom.
55:21 Tom Segura? I know.
55:22 Christina Pazsitzky? I feel like there was, you know, we don't really argue about much in our marriage and then look at this became, you got really upset with me.
55:29 Tom Segura? Well, it makes you, you know, like I said, things you care about are things you get passionate about. So here's something to transition you out of that.
55:43 Christina Pazsitzky? Yeah, I've seen this guy.
55:44 Tom Segura? This guy's pretty interesting.
55:45 Christina Pazsitzky? He's Russian, right?
55:46 Tom Segura? I think so.
55:47 Christina Pazsitzky? Yeah.
55:52 Tom Segura? It's not that different than taking a shit in your underwear. It's the same type of thing.
55:57 Christina Pazsitzky? Hold on.
55:58 Tom Segura? It is though.
55:59 Christina Pazsitzky? The taking a shit in your underwear, I think, involves a lot more preparation. First of all, you've got to give yourself diarrhea every day to film that.
56:06 Tom Segura? Well, no, he's doing diarrhea tests. Sometimes he's like, oh, it's not diarrhea, it's solid, or it's just urine.
56:10 Christina Pazsitzky? Right, but let's infer that he's taking things that would induce diarrhea. So you're talking a few hours of prep work there. And then he's got to choose the underwear.
56:19 Tom Segura? We think eggs just grow on trees? This guy goes out and buys eggs.
56:24 Tom Segura? He's doing it for like, this will, this will get people excited.
56:28 Christina Pazsitzky? That's true.
56:28 Tom Segura? Yeah.
56:29 Christina Pazsitzky? I liked it. I liked watching it. This is more entertaining than a lot of stuff I see on television.
56:33 Tom Segura? Well, I got some interesting stuff to show you. Um, is this horrible or hilarious?
56:38 Christina Pazsitzky? Oh.
56:38 Tom Segura? Here we go.
56:45 Christina Pazsitzky? That's horrible and hilarious.
56:47 Tom Segura? Fuck.
56:47 Christina Pazsitzky? Shit. Fuck dude. Oh, it was good. I liked it though.
56:52 Tom Segura? Who honk?
56:55 Tom Segura? Wow.
56:55 Christina Pazsitzky? Who honk?
56:56 Tom Segura? Yeah.
56:58 Christina Pazsitzky? Who honk?
56:59 Tom Segura? I think that means my arm.
57:00 Christina Pazsitzky? Yeah.
57:00 Tom Segura? Yeah. Yeah. So it sounds like you kind of laughed.
57:04 Christina Pazsitzky? I liked it. I thought it was funny because she should know better than to go next to that.
57:07 Tom Segura? Yeah, she should. Here we go.
57:10 Christina Pazsitzky? That was a good one.
57:16 Christina Pazsitzky? How did that happen?
57:18 Tom Segura? He's okay.
57:20 Tom Segura? He's okay.
57:25 Christina Pazsitzky? How is he laughing? How is this guy laughing?
57:28 Tom Segura? Because this guy is double jointed. He's just having fun.
57:32 Christina Pazsitzky? Oh shit. Oh fuck, thank God.
57:36 Tom Segura? Yeah. It was fun.
57:38 Christina Pazsitzky? That was horrible.
57:39 Tom Segura? Because you think he's just cracked his leg in half, but it really was just double jointed.
57:43 Christina Pazsitzky? That was terrible. I didn't like that.
57:45 Tom Segura? Um, we also, speaking of videos like this, we got an interesting, uh, email from a listener. Hey guys, I was listening to this, to the Adrienne Appalucci episode, but by the way, she has a great new special out on Netflix, on Netflix. Um, you guys are of course, what? I just choked for a second. I can't choke. Hey, fuck you.
58:03 Christina Pazsitzky? It was just scary.
58:05 Tom Segura? Why is it scary?
58:06 Christina Pazsitzky? I got scared. I thought you were dying.
58:08 Tom Segura? Everyone's fired. Um, you guys.
58:16 Tom Segura? The level of disrespect.
58:19 Christina Pazsitzky? We just were worried. I mean, weren't we all concerned?
58:22 Tom Segura? I'm fine.
58:24 Christina Pazsitzky? We thought you were stroking out. We didn't want to say anything.
58:27 Tom Segura? You know, first it was the face.
58:31 Tom Segura? Now I fucking choke on saliva for a second and you guys make it a big fucking deal.
58:36 Christina Pazsitzky? I'm gonna do a drawing for you choking on saliva.
58:40 Christina Pazsitzky? I already know how it's gonna go in my head.
58:43 Christina Pazsitzky? Like that.
58:45 Tom Segura? I'm returning your Christmas present. I was listening today to the Adrienne Pesci episode. She has a great new special on Netflix. You guys, of course, are 100% free to do your thing.
58:56 Christina Pazsitzky? Thank you for that.
58:57 Tom Segura? Yes, but just one person's reaction. "I'm unsubscribing because of the cavalier attitude to actual human suffering is too much", in parentheses, "for me. Understandably that a lot of comedy is about real human suffering, but this crosses the line, once again in parentheses, "for me. You're both doing great. This doesn't represent an existential threat to your well-being, but if my message makes it to you, then I've communicated my wish for more compassion and different choices. And I think that makes a better world. And I think comedy contributes to that better world. Uri."
59:36 Christina Pazsitzky? Okay.
59:36 Tom Segura? Thanks, Uri. Here you go.
59:42 Tom Segura? That guy is fucked.
59:45 Christina Pazsitzky? Yeah, he's so dead. Dude, everything's fucked. The bike, the bones.
59:50 Tom Segura? Yeah.
59:50 Christina Pazsitzky? That was bad.
59:51 Tom Segura? That was real bad.
59:52 Christina Pazsitzky? Dude, what the fuck was he doing that? What did he think would happen then?
59:55 Tom Segura? Maybe that he would land and just keep on riding? I don't know. It's definitely a man. I don't have to get a check on that. That's a guy. Let's see what it says here.
1:00:03 Christina Pazsitzky? That was really just all dumb.
1:00:05 Tom Segura? Yep, it was Danny Fender. Uh, let's see. "Holy shit. This dude, after that", he says he hit the drop with too much speed and it was also very windy. "He later confirmed he had no broken bones."
1:00:20 Christina Pazsitzky? No way, Jose.
1:00:21 Tom Segura? "Only a few scratches and a swollen knee." That is unbelievable. Here, I'll just say this, Danny, I'm glad you're okay. That looked like the dumbest thing I'd ever seen anyone do, but I'm glad you're okay.
1:00:31 Christina Pazsitzky? Yeah.
1:00:31 Tom Segura? That was okay. I thought you were definitely dead.
1:00:34 Christina Pazsitzky? That was wild, dude.
1:00:35 Tom Segura? Yeah.
1:00:38 Christina Pazsitzky? This is good. Woo!
1:00:42 Christina Pazsitzky? She's gone. That fucking hurt, dude. She belly flopped, she got a mouthful of water. Fucking top flew off. Her panties flew off. That was terrible.
1:00:50 Tom Segura? She put her feet in two, like, you gotta start skimming, you know?
1:00:54 Christina Pazsitzky? What is she trying to do here?
1:00:55 Tom Segura? She's trying to like foot surf like the, so like you're, but like the, that speed and the, obviously the force of putting in, you gotta like start by just like, just grazing the water, you know, and she just went all the way in.
1:01:09 Christina Pazsitzky? Yeah, that's wild.
1:01:09 Tom Segura? It was too much force.
1:01:10 Christina Pazsitzky? That was a lot.
1:01:11 Tom Segura? I wanna go back to everybody laughing at me. I...
1:01:24 Christina Pazsitzky? It was awful, babe. It's not we were laughing at you, it's that you made this hor- it was scary and we were like, is he not gonna...
1:01:31 Tom Segura? No, but there's repercussions, is what I'm saying.
1:01:33 Christina Pazsitzky? Oh, no!
1:01:34 Tom Segura? Oh, yes, there are.
1:01:35 Christina Pazsitzky? What are you gonna do?
1:01:35 Tom Segura? Well, there's no Christmas party anymore. I'm not doing that.
1:01:37 Christina Pazsitzky? Oh, my god!
1:01:38 Tom Segura? I'm not doing that, and I'm not do- I'm not doing that, and I'm not doing end of your bonuses, and I am taking back your gift. Now, let's move on to the next segment.
1:01:49 Tom Segura? You said egg roll?
1:01:54 Tom Segura? Okay. Um, how much is that?
1:02:03 Speaker 07 You have, uh, general sauce?
1:02:10 Christina Pazsitzky? There was cats here, too. Is that spicy?
1:02:17 Tom Segura? He got into so many different positions. He got into six positions.
1:02:22 Speaker 07 Like, uh, like, on a scale of one to 10, how spicy is it?
1:02:27 Christina Pazsitzky? How spicy is it?
1:02:39 Christina Pazsitzky? The cat's chilling. The cat's so used to this.
1:02:41 Tom Segura? Yeah, this guy is really good. I gotta say, this guy is really good.
1:02:45 Christina Pazsitzky? He has so many farts.
1:02:47 Tom Segura? Oh, I was, I was looking for his name. It's Will the Farter.
1:02:50 Christina Pazsitzky? Oh, okay. Wow, this guy's really official.
1:02:54 Tom Segura? He's on Cameo, if anyone's looking to get a video as your plug. I hope you enjoy him.
1:03:07 Speaker 04 I'm very much so right in front of my computer.
1:03:12 Speaker 04 What, what, what do you need me to do?
1:03:18 Speaker 04 Um, not sure, but you can, you can go ahead and elaborate.
1:03:30 Tom Segura? So he's one of these guys that can suck air in, right? That's clearly what's happening. Cause I had a roommate like this in college that could do this.
1:03:36 Christina Pazsitzky? That's amazing talent.
1:03:37 Tom Segura? Yeah, and he would, he would get on all fours and just, and like just put on shows.
1:03:42 Christina Pazsitzky? Is he on Cameo too?
1:03:43 Tom Segura? I don't think so.
1:03:43 Christina Pazsitzky? He should be.
1:03:44 Tom Segura? I think he works in sales.
1:03:46 Christina Pazsitzky? He's gotta change his career path immediately.
1:03:48 Tom Segura? Yeah.
1:03:49 Christina Pazsitzky? This guy's amazing.
1:03:50 Tom Segura? Yeah.
1:03:51 Christina Pazsitzky? What a talent. What a talent. So he's sucking it in to fart. Yeah, that, that makes a lot of sense.
1:03:56 Tom Segura? Mm-hmm.
1:03:57 Christina Pazsitzky? I could watch this guy do this for hours.
1:03:59 Tom Segura? It's pretty cool.
1:03:59 Christina Pazsitzky? Really good stuff.
1:04:04 Tom Segura? All right, there's one. Oh, well, I just figured like we should do this for you.
1:04:08 Christina Pazsitzky? Oh, please.
1:04:16 Christina Pazsitzky? I'm just thinking about you choking.
1:04:22 Tom Segura? Fucking done.
1:04:23 Christina Pazsitzky? What made you choke? Is it just spit from the rugies in your mouth?
1:04:28 Tom Segura? I can't wait. I can't wait to see you choke.
1:04:32 Christina Pazsitzky? You're so spiteful.
1:04:33 Tom Segura? I hope it's bad.
1:04:34 Christina Pazsitzky? You're, you're, you know what? You're spicy today, Tom. You're zesty, you're spicy.
1:04:42 Christina Pazsitzky? What's going on with you?
1:04:43 Tom Segura? Here we go, first video.
1:04:43 Christina Pazsitzky? What's going on?
1:04:44 Tom Segura? No, nothing.
1:04:46 Speaker 03 What are you gonna make today?
1:04:48 Tom Segura? I don't know.
1:04:48 Speaker 03 Excuses, burzles.
1:05:02 Tom Segura? No.
1:05:03 Christina Pazsitzky? Right?
1:05:03 Tom Segura? Too much momentum.
1:05:04 Christina Pazsitzky? Right?
1:05:05 Tom Segura? Yeah, he's not really, there's no control in that. He's just swinging them around. It's like, yeah.
1:05:09 Christina Pazsitzky? Yeah, and I'm a novice weightlifter. That, the form is wrong and the speed.
1:05:13 Tom Segura? You should know better.
1:05:14 Christina Pazsitzky? Yeah, you don't have to go that fast.
1:05:16 Tom Segura? Nope, hard pass. I'm not showing you again.
1:05:20 Tom Segura? Oh, fuck.
1:05:22 Christina Pazsitzky? This lady's licking a fly paper strip. Just eating the flies.
1:05:29 Christina Pazsitzky? You don't think they taste good at all? Maybe they're tasty? I don't know. Maybe they're crunchy.
1:05:35 Tom Segura? That was too out of the gate I didn't like.
1:05:44 Tom Segura? Hugh Janis. I'm on to you. Buster Cherry, happy birthday. Great to see you here. Dixie Norma's 20. But I will say the name, Craven Moorhead. So, Vandercox, I see you. Shout out to Mike Hunt, happy birthday. Uh, Drew P. Cook. Eating Beaver.
1:06:02 Tom Segura? Eileen Ulick, I see you. Jack Mayhoff, happy. He's good, Drew P. Ball. There's our girl.
1:06:11 Tom Segura? Mike Hockener, Mike Hockener, happy birthday. Phil McCravis, 20. Oliver Klosehoff.
1:06:18 Tom Segura? Phil McCracken, happy. Dixie Rec, 20. And Hugh Janis, toughing up my leader. Colonel Angus. Sleepy Joe, yo, I didn't mean to say that. General Tilia, happy 1,000. You totally got me with that name. So fond of Cox, happy birthday to you.
1:06:36 Tom Segura? Great. The best part about this is that it's somebody that that puts that name in their profile and then absolutely has to crush it in class to get called out. Like, you gotta be top of the leaderboard. So you gotta be just so getting after it for them to be like, so a huge fan of Cox or whatever. You can't just name it and get named, you know?
1:07:00 Christina Pazsitzky? That's the best part.
1:07:01 Tom Segura? Yeah, this is somebody who's like, I am naming it Mike and I'm gonna fucking crush it in class today. So they called me out.
1:07:09 Christina Pazsitzky? Can you start doing this?
1:07:10 Tom Segura? I don't think I could get it up there.
1:07:12 Christina Pazsitzky? Seriously?
1:07:13 Tom Segura? No.
1:07:13 Christina Pazsitzky? How many people ride with you at the same time?
1:07:15 Tom Segura? Well, I don't always do, I don't do the live, maybe it's like people in the live classes are doing it. But these leaderboards are fucking, like, some of the things I take will, the, it'll be 90,000 people. You know, they're not calling out someone who finishes 47,000.
1:07:30 Christina Pazsitzky? We need to get the mommies on this.
1:07:31 Tom Segura? Yeah.
1:07:34 Christina Pazsitzky? This is amazing. Mommies, you know what to do.
1:07:38 Speaker 04 She got it. She be, she be, she be. And left hand, left hand, left hand, remove, left hand, remove the left hand. Remove. Yes, yes, remove, remove, remove. Yeah. Got it. Close the mouth. Yes, perfect. She got it.
1:07:56 Christina Pazsitzky? You like it?
1:07:58 Tom Segura? You think she choked on saliva? You think they made fun of her for that?
1:08:08 Tom Segura? Do you think they had a little more empathy?
1:08:09 Christina Pazsitzky? We were all like, oh, my God, is he gonna say something? Spiders, of course. I mean, it's the inevitable conclusion of what I'm doing, but, ah, they're all, ah, they're raining down on me. Can you see them?
1:08:25 Tom Segura? This might be the worst thing I've ever seen in my life. Yeah, that's why I put it in there. So he's in a cave, in one of those tight caves, and it is a spider den? How awful.
1:08:37 Christina Pazsitzky? They're crawling all over him.
1:08:38 Tom Segura? Oh, my God, there's.
1:08:40 Christina Pazsitzky? It's like a live wall of spiders.
1:08:42 Tom Segura? He's like, I gotta get a selfie real quick. Hold on.
1:08:45 Christina Pazsitzky? They're crawling all over. This is a very tight spot and I just, I'm not sure how well that can be seen. But, uh, I'm gonna try to, uh, yeah, reflect off my glove and get through here with a certain amount of patience.
1:09:01 Christina Pazsitzky? Limited dignity.
1:09:04 Christina Pazsitzky? The rocks are sharper in this direction. So that means I'm gonna have a real significant problem. Yeah. Getting out of here. Oh. Just this one exact spot. I'm gonna set this here. God damn.
1:09:22 Tom Segura? I feel safe saying that this is white people shit.
1:09:26 Christina Pazsitzky? Yeah.
1:09:26 Tom Segura? This is what, this is just.
1:09:29 Christina Pazsitzky? That's true. We've never seen a black or Latino.
1:09:32 Tom Segura? Nobody.
1:09:32 Christina Pazsitzky? Cave climber. What are these cave tunnellers?
1:09:35 Tom Segura? It's just always the same type.
1:09:36 Christina Pazsitzky? Asians, they're not interested.
1:09:38 Tom Segura? No, nobody is.
1:09:39 Christina Pazsitzky? It's whiteys.
1:09:40 Tom Segura? And it's like.
1:09:40 Christina Pazsitzky? So true.
1:09:41 Tom Segura? To do this, A is crazy.
1:09:44 Christina Pazsitzky? Yeah.
1:09:44 Tom Segura? And then B to be like, I gotta make sure I have my fucking selfie stick to film this for everybody. And make sure I bring a light too. So you have to be like thinking of production as you're doing.
1:09:55 Tom Segura? It's just awful.
1:09:56 Christina Pazsitzky? It's so much.
1:10:05 Christina Pazsitzky? What do you think?
1:10:06 Tom Segura? What do you think? You wanna take that for a ride?
1:10:09 Christina Pazsitzky? Really turned on, yeah.
1:10:11 Tom Segura? Are you? It's kinda hot. It's kinda nice time. You can't picture that licking up your clam?
1:10:16 Christina Pazsitzky? Babe, babe, babe, babe, babe, shh, shh, shh, no.
1:10:19 Tom Segura? You wouldn't like to feel that?
1:10:20 Christina Pazsitzky? Babe, stop.
1:10:21 Tom Segura? If he goes all the way up your crack and all the way up the front?
1:10:25 Tom Segura? You would not be turned on at all if this guy licked you up.
1:10:27 Christina Pazsitzky? Babe? Stop. I'm gonna be sick.
1:10:32 Tom Segura? He looks good.
1:10:34 Tom Segura? I give him an eight.
1:10:36 Christina Pazsitzky? Tik Tok eight.
1:10:36 Tom Segura? If all the presidents were doing this pose, I'd give him a higher.
1:10:40 Tom Segura? A higher ranking.
1:10:40 Speaker 04 What's up guys? Today I'm gonna be teaching you how to make some.
1:10:43 Tom Segura? I gotta tell you, I really dislike. This I really dislike.
1:10:47 Christina Pazsitzky? Why?
1:10:48 Tom Segura? Cause he's so, he's so far gone and this guy so needs an intervention and the full. And the house needs to be set on fire. Whatever he's in, just, they need to just blow it up.
1:11:00 Tom Segura? Scrambled piss eggs tutorial? Let me guess.
1:11:04 Tom Segura? You put your eggs in the pot and then you pour some piss in it.
1:11:08 Christina Pazsitzky? Well, let's see. Watch the video.
1:11:10 Tom Segura? Fucking eggs, man.
1:11:11 Christina Pazsitzky? You don't even know what you're watching.
1:11:12 Speaker 04 I got two eggs right here.
1:11:14 Tom Segura? Yeah, I see that.
1:11:15 Speaker 04 I got my piss right here and I'm gonna be showing you.
1:11:17 Tom Segura? The darkest piss in America.
1:11:20 Speaker 04 It's pretty easy to make.
1:11:21 Tom Segura? Receipt or recipe?
1:11:22 Speaker 04 I'm gonna put some piss in a pot.
1:11:25 Speaker 04 Alright, not too much. Once it's hot and steamy, you're gonna wanna scramble it up. Scramble it up.
1:11:32 Christina Pazsitzky? Well, you can smell it, huh?
1:11:33 Tom Segura? I'm gonna fuckin' pee.
1:11:35 Speaker 04 This is what the product is supposed to look like? Oh my god, look at how good that looks.
1:11:41 Christina Pazsitzky? Did you like it?
1:11:42 Tom Segura? Yeah, that was cool.
1:11:43 Christina Pazsitzky? Yeah? This is for you, babe.
1:11:45 Tom Segura? Oh, I'm tapped into something I'm too crazy to explain. You're too normal to understand. Thanks.
1:11:54 Christina Pazsitzky? I'm just glad that I managed to upset you the way you upset me at the beginning of the show.
1:11:59 Tom Segura? How did I upset you at the beginning of the show?
1:12:00 Christina Pazsitzky? Remember that guy? It was sexual and ew. Yeah, he wanna lick my tits and now you. Ew! Ah! Stop it! Ah!
1:12:13 Christina Pazsitzky? So I got served today at the pharmacy. And, uh, I'm not saying men can't look like this because, please, go off, Kings. But like, I'm not doing damage to masculinity.
1:12:25 Tom Segura? I think y'all are when you serve me, when you call me a man, right? Like, I'm not a man. Don't consider me for the pool of men. And maybe the people who are like, "Oh, masculinity's in decline." Well, stop thinking I'm doing anything with it. I'm not part of that equation. Count me out. I think you need to put more stuff on your walls. It's so bare.
1:12:46 Christina Pazsitzky? It is so bare.
1:12:47 Tom Segura? It's so bare. You know, it reminds me of like, an apartment when you're 22.
1:12:52 Christina Pazsitzky? Yeah, it's depressing.
1:12:53 Tom Segura? You don't know how to hang some things up on the wall.
1:12:54 Christina Pazsitzky? Yeah, if you're gonna be a lady, you gotta decorate.
1:12:56 Tom Segura? Yeah, yeah. The fucking audacity of whoever called this person sir. It's like, fucking, what is wrong with you?
1:13:04 Christina Pazsitzky? I know.
1:13:04 Tom Segura? Show a little fucking consideration.
1:13:07 Christina Pazsitzky? It's so insensitive. I mean, yes, he's got a full beard.
1:13:11 Tom Segura? Who?
1:13:12 Christina Pazsitzky? Sorry, they have a full beard, but that doesn't mean that you're necessarily a sir anymore.
1:13:16 Tom Segura? No. Fucking A, man.
1:13:19 Christina Pazsitzky? I know, it's so rude.
1:13:21 Tom Segura? Just...
1:13:22 Christina Pazsitzky? I agree, though, he could, sorry, they could use a poster or like a painting of something.
1:13:28 Tom Segura? Yeah, you gotta, you gotta hang some shit up.
1:13:30 Christina Pazsitzky? Mm-hmm.
1:13:31 Tom Segura? Okay.
1:13:31 Christina Pazsitzky? Maybe that's why it's so spicy.
1:13:38 Speaker 06 Don't look away, look at me. Look at me.
1:13:41 Tom Segura? Sorry.
1:13:44 Christina Pazsitzky? We looked away.
1:13:45 Tom Segura? How did he know?
1:13:46 Christina Pazsitzky? You know, he's watching us.
1:13:51 Tom Segura? He knew. It was the moment I looked away. He's like, you fucker, don't.
1:13:56 Christina Pazsitzky? So weird.
1:13:57 Tom Segura? Really interesting collection from you today. It's it. If I had seen this collection brought to me and someone said, who curated this? I wouldn't have thought this was you.
1:14:06 Christina Pazsitzky? Really?
1:14:07 Tom Segura? It didn't really feel like Christina vibes, but then again, we're just kind of getting back into things. So.
1:14:12 Christina Pazsitzky? We are, Tom. I'm a whole new person. I'm just regrouping here. And this episode overall felt kind of dark and horny, didn't it? It felt, it felt very horny. There's a lot of sexual undertones.
1:14:25 Tom Segura? More than, but like sometimes horny feels good. Didn't feel so good.
1:14:28 Christina Pazsitzky? Didn't feel good for me either. It was awful horny.
1:14:32 Tom Segura? Yeah, it was bad. It was sad horny. It was depressing. It was kind of like jail horny. You know, or like psych ward horny. Not the kind of horny where like, ooh, I'm turned on. Didn't feel like that. Yeah. Real, real bad, real sad. Thank you. I would kind of credit you for that. So thank you very much.
1:14:50 Christina Pazsitzky? Hey, you know, sometimes the algorithm speaks to me. I can't.
1:14:53 Tom Segura? I think being that it's December, we need to go out on something a little more joyful.
1:14:57 Christina Pazsitzky? Yeah, good idea.
1:15:00 Speaker 04 Hey guys, you wanna make me green? That's right, guys. You want me green like a monster, man?
1:15:05 Tom Segura? Also horny.
1:15:06 Christina Pazsitzky? Again.
1:15:07 Speaker 04 Or dye my body. So yeah, make me clean, baby. And get me machine. Green and have your nasty way. Make that's right, man. 917-353-2913.
1:15:19 Tom Segura? There you go.
1:15:19 Speaker 04 666-378-523.
1:15:22 Tom Segura? Hasn't changed.
1:15:23 Speaker 04 Or 666-968-1997069.
1:15:26 Tom Segura? Four numbers.
1:15:27 Speaker 04 That's right. Make me green, baby, man. Damn, make a monster, man. You want to make a monster, man? You want a monster daddy, man? You want to use his daddy? You want daddy to be a monster freak?
1:15:37 Tom Segura? And the green head to toe and say, shut up, baby. We're gonna have a go. We're gonna go, go, go. That's right. You know, you're one of two guys. You want to get it done. So come on over, guys. Wow. Well, you know what? Reliable, consistent. I want to say, Robert, you look handsome.
1:15:54 Christina Pazsitzky? Looks great.
1:15:54 Tom Segura? You look good. The, the, I like the Grinch effect. That was creative. It's, um, it's in the holiday spirit.
1:16:02 Christina Pazsitzky? Definitely.
1:16:02 Tom Segura? It's playful. Yeah, it's, um.
1:16:05 Christina Pazsitzky? And I don't know if those are new phone numbers or just he's repeating the, um, the usual suspects.
1:16:10 Tom Segura? I think there's some of the usual numbers. Maybe there's an added number. Cause four phone numbers.
1:16:13 Christina Pazsitzky? It's a lot for people to write down as they're watching this.
1:16:16 Tom Segura? Yeah, he runs through them pretty quick.
1:16:18 Christina Pazsitzky? Yeah.
1:16:18 Tom Segura? But goddamn, man, you look great. And, um.
1:16:22 Christina Pazsitzky? He does.
1:16:23 Tom Segura? I hope you have a great holiday. Uh, Robert, I hope it's really good.
1:16:27 Christina Pazsitzky? We love you. We always love you, buddy. Good to see you're up and, and doing your thing and stuff like that.
1:16:31 Tom Segura? Doing your thing and stuff like that. And hopefully the numbers, they hope, I hope all four just keep ringing through the, through the month of December. Great month to visit. Twenty-three ninety-five apartment, uh, two C, one twenty-first, First Avenue, Spanish Harlem in New York. Um, that's where he is. It's very public knowledge. It's actually on Google Maps.
1:16:51 Christina Pazsitzky? Oh, that's right. Under Robert Paul Champagne.
1:16:53 Tom Segura? You can look it up. And it'll take you right to this man's place. So.
1:16:58 Christina Pazsitzky? That's the amazing part.
1:16:59 Tom Segura? That's it. Fun day, fun show. It's December. I hope you are all taking care of yourselves. Do your holiday shopping. I hope it's, it's my favorite month. I, I love December.
1:17:10 Christina Pazsitzky? Good.
1:17:11 Tom Segura? December's the best. It's, um, it's sad that we're gonna have an all new staff after the new year, but I think that, um, I'm looking forward to meeting them. And, um, you know, this is everyone's last show. So say your goodbye. Happy holidays. We'll see you soon.
1:19:31 Christina Pazsitzky? You just watched Your Mom's House. Did you like it? Been watching another one. Watch our clips. I don't know. Check it out. Try it out. If you didn't like it, look for other stuff. Maybe in the next video, there's people getting hurt the way you like, or maybe gay dudes talking about dick stuff. I don't know. Try it out. Maybe. There's always something for everybody. Just look in these cubes. Swears. Whatever.
Previous Fighting With The Glock Dookie w/ Danny Brown | YMH Ep. 787 Next Checking In With Cool Guy Tony Johns | YMH Ep. 789 Page updated November 6, 2026 · transcript and summary are machine-generated