Mike Feeney

Andrew Santino sits down with comedian Mike Feeney for a sharp, funny conversation about stand-up, writing jokes that actually work, life on the road, and the quiet insanity of being a comic in 2025. They talk about finding your voice, tightening material, dealing with bad sets, and why simplicity usually beats trying to be clever. It’s a comic-to-comic episode — honest, funny, and loaded with shop talk. 🎤 Follow Mike Feeney:Instagram: ⁠https://www.instagram.com/iammikefeeney YouTube: ⁠https://www.youtube.com/MikeFeeneyComedyIn this episode: • Mike’s approach to writing and refining jokes• Touring stories, bad rooms, and learning what not to do• Santino and Mike break down what makes stand-up actually hit• Why comedy careers are rarely linear — and never calm Drop a comment with your favorite moment from the episode. #WhiskeyGinger #AndrewSantino #MikeFeeney #ComedyPodcast #StandUpComedy #PodcastClips #Comedians ======================================================= Sponsor Whiskey Ginger: https://public.liveread.io/media-kit/whiskeyginger SUPPORT OUR SPONSORS HIMS 100% ONLINE TREATMENT ⁠https://hims.com/whiskey⁠ ======================================================== Follow Andrew Santino: https://www.instagram.com/cheetosantino/ https://twitter.com/CheetoSantino Follow Whiskey Ginger: https://www.instagram.com/whiskeygingerpodcast https://twitter.com/whiskeygingerpodcast Produced and edited by Joe Faria https://www.instagram.com/itsjoefaria Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Speaker names marked ? are inferred from speaking time and the show’s known hosts — they are not voice-verified.

• 0:00Speaker 00

  Coca-Cola. For the big, for the small, the short and the tall. Peacemakers, risk takers. For the optimists, pessimists. For long distance love. For introverts and extroverts. The thinkers and the doers. For old friends and new. Coca-Cola. For everyone. Pick up some Coca-Cola at a store near you.

• 0:30Speaker 01

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• 1:00Andrew Santino?

  What up, Whiskey Ginger fans? Welcome back to the show. If it's your first time joining the show, welcome to the show. We've got a good one for you today. Like my man Steve Harvey done say, do me a favor. Leave a comment down below for the Al Go Rhythm. Next year is a big year for the Whiskey Ginger. We're expanding. Hopefully, we're getting bigger and better guests. Comment down below who you want to see on the show. Also, I'm running around the country. Come see me. Andrew Santino dot com for those tickets. I'm in Windsor, Ontario, Canada, Bethlehem, PA, Hanover, Maryland, Borgata, Atlantic City, New Jersey. Then I'm at Valley Center, which is basically down by San Diego at the Harris. Then I'm in Canyonville, Oregon, Las Vegas, and then the Little Roadie Fest in Providence, Rhode Island. And also, we're going to be putting up the tickets for Netflix Is A Joke with me and Bobby Lee coming up soon. Go to Andrew Santino dot com for those tickets. Andrew Santino dot com.

• 1:44Speaker 03

  In here, we pour whiskey, whiskey, whiskey, whiskey, whiskey.

• 1:49Speaker 04

  Oh, that creature in the ginger beard.

• 1:51Speaker 05

  It's sturdy and ginger.

• 1:53Speaker 04

  Like that, the ginger gene is a curse.

• 1:55Speaker 05

  Ginger's a puget. You owe me $5 for the whiskey and $75 for the horse.

• 2:01Speaker 06

  Ginger's, oh, hell no. This whiskey is excellent. Ginger. I like gingers.

• 2:08Andrew Santino?

  Ladies and gentlemen, welcome back to Whiskey Junior. My guest today is one of my favorite people on earth. I say that from my guest's body me once again today. It is the return of Mike Feeny.

• 2:16Speaker 07

  Hey, how are you?

• 2:16Andrew Santino?

  Whenever I hear your name, Feeny, whenever I hear Feeny, who do I think of? What do I think of?

• 2:20Speaker 07

  I would assume, I think you're older than the Boy Meets World principal generation. I would think that maybe you go, but you're not old enough for Laverne and Shirley Feeny.

• 2:28Andrew Santino?

  That's right, I'm not Laverne and Shirley Feeny.

• 2:29Speaker 07

  Yeah, so you're in that middle period.

• 2:31Andrew Santino?

  No, Mr. Feeny, Boy Meets World.

• 2:32Speaker 07

  You do think of Boy Meets World?

• 2:34Andrew Santino?

  I know of the show.

• 2:35Speaker 07

  Right, but you didn't like, I wouldn't-

• 2:36Andrew Santino?

  I didn't grow up with it.

• 2:37Speaker 07

  Exactly.

• 2:37Andrew Santino?

  And what are you trying to say, you're younger than me?

• 2:39Speaker 07

  Yeah, I'd say so.

• 2:40Andrew Santino?

  Dude, just because you're young and handsome. This guy, I said this to Feeny before we started the show, and this is what pisses me off about him. Well, I mean, there's a lot of stuff, but, but I go, you're the only guy I know that had a kid and got better looking. Like, you look happier and better than you did before you got married and had a kid. You were ugly and horrific and slovenly.

• 2:58Speaker 07

  Ugly on the inside and outside.

• 2:59Andrew Santino?

  And outside, but now, you're the only guy I know that has a young child, but you only have one.

• 3:05Speaker 07

  Yep, that's the key.

• 3:06Andrew Santino?

  Are you done?

• 3:06Speaker 07

  That's the key, I think so, at least for now.

• 3:08Andrew Santino?

  I'll come over and root you guys on if you want to go for another one. Go, go, go, go, go, go, pump, pump. Can we get him out of here? He's really annoying.

• 3:17Speaker 07

  No, I actually need him.

• 3:20Speaker 07

  No, it's, I do feel, I'm significantly happier in my day-to-day life post-kid for sure, but I've also just been like exercising for the first time on a consistent basis.

• 3:31Andrew Santino?

  How many days a week?

• 3:32Speaker 07

  Every day.

• 3:33Andrew Santino?

  What?

• 3:34Speaker 07

  Every day for like over, every day since January 12th, I think, this year.

• 3:40Andrew Santino?

  No way.

• 3:41Speaker 07

  Yeah, and it's just little things, like if I'm on the road and there's no gym here, I just do 100 pushups, 200 situps, easy, something like that.

• 3:47Andrew Santino?

  See, that's smart. I've been doing, this is, is this, I'm like, I think I'm starting to realize it's lame, but I'm rowing at my house every day.

• 3:54Speaker 07

  Rowing's great.

• 3:55Andrew Santino?

  See, he laughs. You laugh because you're young, and you think that's funny?

• 3:58Speaker 07

  Yeah. No, just because people have- I don't know, it does get a funny reaction.

• 4:03Andrew Santino?

  Row.

• 4:03Speaker 07

  Yeah.

• 4:04Andrew Santino?

  But it's an all-full-body workout!

• 4:05Speaker 07

  It's a full-body, I did it in college, I did crew in college.

• 4:08Andrew Santino?

  But this is why people make fun of me, see? I knew it! It's lame, you know, but they sent me a machine, the company sent us a machine.

• 4:15Speaker 07

  An erg.

• 4:15Andrew Santino?

  And by the way, Bobby's not gonna do it.

• 4:17Speaker 07

  No.

• 4:18Andrew Santino?

  So they sent it to us, they were like, "Would you use it?" And we did an ad for them, and I said, "Yeah, I think I'd like a row machine." So they built it at my house, thank you McCon and Carlos, shout out to boys. And I love it, I like it a lot!

• 4:30Speaker 07

  Kicks your ass.

• 4:31Andrew Santino?

  Dude, it's awesome, it's actually great, and I realize why it's problematic, though. Why people make fun of it. Who, what villain used it daily, or they would show it sometimes on the show? Who, what villain used a row machine?

• 4:46Speaker 07

  Well, I'm thinking, I'm going in a different direction, but I'm thinking about the Winklevoss twins.

• 4:50Andrew Santino?

  Oh, the Winklevie, the Winklevie.

• 4:52Speaker 07

  The trade-by?

• 4:53Andrew Santino?

  Yeah.

• 4:53Speaker 07

  Army Hammer.

• 4:54Andrew Santino?

  Army Hammer! And then guess who else personalized it? Kevin Spacey in House of Cards!

• 5:00Speaker 07

  Yes!

• 5:01Andrew Santino?

  I hated that, so now this is what it is, it's an Army Hammer Kevin Spacey thing!

• 5:05Speaker 07

  Yeah, yeah.

• 5:05Andrew Santino?

  I just wanna row!

• 5:06Speaker 07

  You got some weird sexual thing that's gonna come out in a few years, it is always attached to the row.

• 5:11Andrew Santino?

  That it's the row machine.

• 5:12Speaker 07

  The row machine finds the deviance, I think, so that's the problem.

• 5:16Andrew Santino?

  Damn, dude! Spacey rode in, um, uh, in House of Cards.

• 5:23Speaker 07

  Uh-huh.

• 5:23Andrew Santino?

  The Winklevie, but you were a rower, so you're a creep, too.

• 5:26Speaker 07

  But I was, I did it, I did it purely because, and you'll appreciate this, on this kind of a show, I did it purely because the first day of, the first Friday of college, my roommates and I went out to go drink, and the crew, the upperclassman crew team, took us out, bought us drinks the whole night, got us absolutely hammered, and that was their way of recruiting us, and I was like, "Yeah, sure, I guess I'll wake up at 5:00 in the morning every day, and like be puking, stepping on geez shit." I hated it, but I was, I was in decent shape, and now I'm in, and then I, and then I eventually, I had to get, I would've had to get knee surgery, and the doctor literally went, "You can get knee surgery so that you can keep doing crew, or you can just stop doing crew." And I was like, it was a snap moment where I went, "Oh, I never, I never even liked crew, I don't even know why I'm doing this, yeah, absolutely, I quit."

• 6:11Andrew Santino?

  Wait, what's wrong, what, knees, it's bad on your knees?

• 6:14Speaker 07

  Oh, it's so bad on your knees, cuz you're just, you're exploding, your feet are strapped in and you're exploding backwards with your legs over and over again.

• 6:21Andrew Santino?

  Alright, I'm gonna stop. It doesn't hurt my knees.

• 6:23Speaker 07

  You gotta find some, well, that's great, I will, but it doesn't now, and that's good. I do picture you as like a runner, though. I picture you running around the neighborhood.

• 6:30Andrew Santino?

  Well, I did. Well, I ran for years. So I ran for years, you know, I've told this story too much. I used to run, I used to run like five miles every other day or so. I loved running.

• 6:38Speaker 07

  Yeah.

• 6:38Andrew Santino?

  But then my back and my knees and stuff, it's that-

• 6:40Speaker 07

  That's the worst for you. And I did, I ran in, in high school, but you, you never, you, you never see someone who's a runner who's in great shape. You ever notice that?

• 6:48Andrew Santino?

  I would argue even worse shape is bikers. I always see people on a bike that are like, they're just, they're blobby, their, their legs are great and the top is terrible.

• 6:57Speaker 07

  Well, it's, but in runners, they, they burn off also the muscle, so they become these gaunt, kind of weirdly skinny type of people. I just did with every other white guy.

• 7:07Andrew Santino?

  So what are we supposed to do? Just push metal?

• 7:08Speaker 07

  Uh, I think that's a part of it, and then, I think body weight stuff is huge.

• 7:12Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, that's actually better than pushing metal.

• 7:14Speaker 07

  Yes, and then yoga. I also, I'm just, you know, every white guy in his 30s, and it's a comedy, a comedian, I do jujitsu. That's what I was my thing. Five days a week.

• 7:23Andrew Santino?

  No way. I can't do that. That's, I can't.

• 7:26Speaker 07

  I didn't, I didn't think I could do it. It was literally an excuse because I hate the gym, and I wanted to, and I hate working out, I hate pushing metal. So I was like, let me just find something that's different. There was a place two blocks from my house, that's kind of like a world-class place, so I go, let me try that out, and then it kind of became fun because it is a full, you know, you're, you're, it's fun, it's kind of fun. I've never been in a position in my life where I'm choking people out, and it feels, you know, it feels nice. It feels nice.

• 7:50Andrew Santino?

  But you're also rolling around sweaty with another guy.

• 7:52Speaker 07

  Well, sure, of course.

• 7:53Andrew Santino?

  And I'm not trying to like demean it, I just, it sounds lame, I don't like that.

• 7:57Speaker 07

  Well, it's an incredibly homoerotic experience.

• 8:00Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, and even if you take away-

• 8:01Speaker 07

  That's one of my favorite parts of it.

• 8:02Andrew Santino?

  I know. Right. That's why you're so happy. Even if you take away all that stuff, because I'm not trying to make fun of it for the sake of like, "Oh, you're rolling with a guy." I don't want to roll and wrestle with someone, I don't want to be wet with someone.

• 8:11Speaker 07

  Well, this, that's, so there's two different kinds. You got, you got the gi, which is where you're wearing the robes, and then you got the no gi, which is just like, you know, spandex essentially, and I don't like the no gi, because it's that. It's so sweaty, and people are pouring sweat on top of you, and everyone's slippery. I like the gi, I like grabbing something and choking somebody with the robe, that's where I, that's where I fucking thrive.

• 8:32Andrew Santino?

  You're sick, dude. Something's wrong.

• 8:33Speaker 07

  Ah, it feels great.

• 8:35Andrew Santino?

  That's really what it is. Something's deep and dark and wrong. So what, five days a week you're working out, how many days a week are you having a little bit of sauce?

• 8:41Speaker 07

  Uh, I'll have a drink a night usually, um, like a cocktail, you know?

• 8:46Andrew Santino?

  That's that good Irish boy staying inside you. Yeah, can't get rid of that.

• 8:49Speaker 07

  But I, I work out every day so that I can enjoy my life. I'll eat ice cream. I'm not, I'm not, there's no di- I eat somewhat clean, but I indulge with ice cream and alcohol.

• 8:58Andrew Santino?

  See, because of your lineage, because of Irish history that's in your blood, you, you're, you're built to have more garbage in you and filter it out quicker because you had to.

• 9:07Speaker 07

  We have to.

• 9:08Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, it's not, it's just-

• 9:09Speaker 07

  There was no choice.

• 9:09Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, I mean, look at this kid. He eats like shit and he's still skinny. You eat, he eats like shit.

• 9:13Speaker 07

  How young are you?

• 9:14Andrew Santino?

  Twenty-six. Pisses me off. But, but he eats you bullshit, all day, all the time. Skinny as a rail. I mean, yes, that will change by thirty-five.

• 9:22Speaker 07

  Yeah. Well, that was what my dad, my dad used to be like my size and then when he hit thirty-five, he just, now he's like two sixty of just, you know, Santa's stomach. But he never exercised and drank Budweiser his whole life, Bud heavies his whole life. So it's like, of course, he just, you know.

• 9:37Andrew Santino?

  That's a man's beer, dude.

• 9:38Speaker 07

  Of course.

• 9:39Andrew Santino?

  You're a Michelob Ultra guy, aren't you?

• 9:41Speaker 07

  By the way, dude, this year I started drinking the Ultras.

• 9:44Andrew Santino?

  I knew it, dude, I knew it. I could smell it on you. I said, he's too clean, man.

• 9:49Speaker 07

  I did the whole, listen, I did the whole craft beer, triple IPA. I did all that shit in the, in the, in the two thousands and I, I got it out of my system. Now, if I never have another IPA, I'm fine. Give me a nice, give me a high life, give me a Michelob Ultra. My dad is such a good drinker. Him and his buddies, this is how much they drank. He memorized the entire, on, on the Bud can, there's that like, this is the famous, but yeah, it's like a three paragraph thing. He recites, he can recite it to this day and it would be like a drinking game. Anytime they mess it up, they had to drink more.

• 10:20Andrew Santino?

  Drink again? Your dad is cool. I want to meet your dad.

• 10:23Speaker 07

  Yeah, he's a good guy.

• 10:23Andrew Santino?

  How old are you now?

• 10:24Speaker 07

  Thirty-seven.

• 10:25Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, it's sneaking, dude. You smell forty. It's gonna be a different world for you, buddy.

• 10:30Speaker 07

  But again, I don't drink, I can't remember the last time I was drunk. Like, I just kind of, like, I'll make a, like, I, I drink in, in moderation now. Like, I'll have, I'll make a cocktail. I'll make a margarita, I'll make a martini, you know, something like that. Sometimes I do and I, and I'll feel like a little, I can't remember the last time I had a hangover because I think that's also the kid regulates that, where I go, if I, if I get blasted, it's gonna be the next, my next days.

• 10:55Andrew Santino?

  But the kid's not here, so now you're free.

• 10:56Speaker 07

  Yeah, yeah, tonight's gonna be a problem.

• 10:58Andrew Santino?

  You're gonna be a bad boy.

• 10:58Speaker 07

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, for sure, absolutely. It's gonna be, tomorrow's a waste.

• 11:03Speaker 00

  Coca-Cola. For the big, for the small, the short and the tall. Peacemakers, risk takers. For the optimists, pessimists. For long distance love. For introverts and extroverts. The thinkers and the doers. For old friends and new. Coca-Cola. For everyone. Pick up some Coca-Cola at a store near you.

• 11:32Speaker 01

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• 12:02Speaker 07

  Dude, you reminded me of like, cause you turned me on to when I did Zany's in the fall. You told me to go to Bavette's afterwards and I, I was, I did one show there, sold it out. Just a one nighter, felt so good about myself. Went to Bavette's by myself, got a fucking ribeye this big. Garlic mashed potatoes, dirty martini and just sat there. And then there was, you know, a gay guy next to me who was super interested, who's date canceled on him. So he bought me a second martini. I was like, look at us having a good time.

• 12:34Andrew Santino?

  Did you go home with that guy?

• 12:34Speaker 07

  No, he was, he was angling for it, but I just, I just took the free drink. It was like, thanks so much for the conversation.

• 12:39Andrew Santino?

  Now you feel like a hot woman finally. Take the drink and move on.

• 12:42Speaker 07

  I finally get it. I finally get it.

• 12:43Andrew Santino?

  Bavette's one of my favorites, one of my favorite spots in Chicago.

• 12:46Speaker 07

  Everyone always says Gibson's, but that's.

• 12:48Andrew Santino?

  Gibson's.

• 12:49Speaker 07

  Everyone says Gibson's.

• 12:50Andrew Santino?

  Get gone. Get gone Gibson's.

• 12:53Speaker 07

  Look, I like Gibson's.

• 12:54Andrew Santino?

  That's the Peter Luger's of Chicago is Gibson's. That is correct. Overrated, overrated, overrated. Peter Luger, overrated, overrated, overrated. My God, we went there, me and O'Connor went there when he was still living in New York. And I was like, dude, this is not what I thought it was gonna be.

• 13:06Speaker 07

  The whole part of a steakhouse is supposed to be that the staff is excellent quality. And Peter Luger's has this, we don't need you, you need us kind of energy, which is like, first off, no. Secondly. Don't cut my steak for me.

• 13:16Andrew Santino?

  I don't like that.

• 13:17Speaker 07

  Don't cut my fucking steak for me.

• 13:20Andrew Santino?

  Sebastian.

• 13:20Speaker 07

  Sorry.

• 13:21Andrew Santino?

  Why did you cut the steak for me?

• 13:23Speaker 07

  Am I not a man?

• 13:25Andrew Santino?

  What is it? You think I'm a nine-year-old?

• 13:26Speaker 07

  You think I'm a-

• 13:27Andrew Santino?

  Little tiny slices.

• 13:28Speaker 07

  You gave me a baby fork? Put on a bib?

• 13:32Andrew Santino?

  No, I don't like that they cut your shit for you.

• 13:34Speaker 07

  Don't cut him.

• 13:35Andrew Santino?

  Just let me cut it, I'll do it, it's fine. Yeah, no, you know, I think Gibson's is good, Chicago Cut, like, these places are all great.

• 13:42Speaker 07

  Sure.

• 13:42Andrew Santino?

  I like Bavette's because it feels like an, it feels like you're in a time machine a little bit. You go in there, it's dark, it's very, like, sultry, it's sexy, that, the bar is fantastic.

• 13:52Speaker 07

  That's where I had, I sat at the bar.

• 13:53Andrew Santino?

  It's a fantastic little, like, it feels like where you'd go to have a drink and a steak, and that's what I like when I go home. It's my, one of my favorite stopovers. I just did it too, I did it again.

• 14:02Speaker 07

  It was a perfect Chicago day, and also, that was the day of the Chicago Marathon, so it was like the perfect Chicago, I got the entire Chicago experience-

• 14:09Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, you did.

• 14:10Speaker 07

  In one day, and yeah, and that club is so, it's so funny, I'm like, while I'm on stage, multiple times, there was just like sirens screaming by.

• 14:16Andrew Santino?

  Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 14:17Speaker 07

  Just like, I opened, there was a stabbing a block away, but, I mean, it's a great club, everyone goes, Zany's, Old Town, great.

• 14:23Andrew Santino?

  Well, Old Town Wells, and that's, what a historic street of fun and partying, by the way, because if you keep going up north up there, you can run into Second City. I mean, everything up there is like, uh, and it's, and man, if, if you are on the prowl to go have a drink at night-

• 14:36Speaker 07

  Yeah.

• 14:36Andrew Santino?

  The, the bars up and down there, you can go get-

• 14:40Speaker 07

  You can have yourself a time.

• 14:40Andrew Santino?

  You can have, you can have a tough, tough go. What's the name of the one there? There's one right across the street from there, I think, is it still there? It's called, um, uh, uh, uh, uh, not Tap House, uh, hold on, god, my brain is, oh, scrambled eggs.

• 14:52Speaker 07

  I think I can picture-

• 14:53Andrew Santino?

  Wait, wait, wait, there's one called-

• 14:55Speaker 07

  It's to the right, when you go across the street to the right.

• 14:57Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, what is that called? Not Tap, not Tap House. Oh, it's gonna kill me, too.

• 15:01Speaker 07

  It's across the street- It's across the street from Zany's.

• 15:04Andrew Santino?

  He's got it, he's got it right now. Old Town Oil? Yeah, Old, what is it? Old Town Oil? No, not Old Town Oil, no.

• 15:10Speaker 07

  Cornet?

• 15:11Andrew Santino?

  No, no, no, no, no, no, no. Did you have, did you have any, uh, I have to look it up now.

• 15:15Speaker 07

  Across from Zany's on Wells? It's across the street, to the right a little bit.

• 15:19Andrew Santino?

  Zany's Chicago, I need to do it. Hold on.

• 15:21Speaker 07

  Flat? No, it's like a-

• 15:24Andrew Santino?

  Hold on, hold on.

• 15:24Speaker 07

  It's like a big-

• 15:25Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, Woody's Flat is there, but hold on. Uh, LG's bar, the Vig?

• 15:30Speaker 07

  The podcast is slow.

• 15:31Andrew Santino?

  No, yeah, I know, we're meandering, I'm sorry.

• 15:34Speaker 07

  It's okay, now this is what happened, we can cut this out in post.

• 15:36Andrew Santino?

  No, no, leave it in.

• 15:37Speaker 07

  You know the most-

• 15:37Andrew Santino?

  Well, Cochrane's up the street is great, Corcoran's.

• 15:40Speaker 07

  The most popular thing in podcasting is saying, "We'll cut this out," and no one has ever cut anything out of anything.

• 15:45Andrew Santino?

  And they shouldn't.

• 15:45Speaker 07

  No.

• 15:46Andrew Santino?

  Leave it in!

• 15:47Speaker 07

  There are people that you and I both know and love who, they'll do the podcast and then afterwards, they'll text you and be like, "You got it, can you just, can you just get that out of here?"

• 15:56Andrew Santino?

  Well, if they said something real out of pocket-

• 15:59Speaker 07

  Of course.

• 15:59Andrew Santino?

  Yeah.

• 16:00Speaker 07

  But I also think like, if you're doing that, don't say it on a podcast, don't say it into a microphone with cameras and lights or all, you know this.

• 16:05Andrew Santino?

  Well, Phineen-

• 16:06Speaker 07

  This isn't an elevator conversation, you weren't wiretapped.

• 16:08Andrew Santino?

  I saved you last time you did the show, remember that? Van McCon can vouch, he did like a three-minute N-word rant, do you remember that? He did the Kramer rant verbatim. He did it verbatim.

• 16:17Speaker 07

  That was quoting it, and that was in a performative way, it's like how you can smoke cigarettes on stage because it's a performance piece.

• 16:23Andrew Santino?

  Right, like Chappelle, that was the greatest whole, Chappelle was like, "It's a performance." And he did it in a Chinese accent, though. Yeah, you did say the N-word in Chinese, that was wild.

• 16:31Speaker 07

  That was because Bobby was there, I wanted to make him feel comfortable.

• 16:33Andrew Santino?

  Which he hated. What did you, what did you, what did you pull in there with? Was that a drop-top Mustang?

• 16:38Speaker 07

  It was a drop-top Mustang convertible, yeah.

• 16:40Andrew Santino?

  Hot boy, hot boy!

• 16:41Speaker 07

  Hey, listen, sometimes you-

• 16:42Andrew Santino?

  Honestly, you gotta do that when you rent a car, you gotta get a funny car.

• 16:46Speaker 07

  Now, by the way, I will-

• 16:47Andrew Santino?

  A Malibu is not fun.

• 16:48Speaker 07

  No, and I, and I will say, it was pure chance because I got, I got upgraded when I got there, so that was nice, but they go, they go, "Do you want a convertible for the same price?" I go, "Do I?" And then they go, "You can have the, you can have the white Mustang convertible, or you can have the fire-engine red," and I'm like, "We're gonna get a Mustang."

• 17:07Andrew Santino?

  Gotta get a Mustang.

• 17:08Speaker 07

  I'm gonna get a red one.

• 17:11Andrew Santino?

  You got yourself a black Mustang? What?

• 17:15Speaker 07

  I will say this, though, from a guy who is not, does not own a convertible normally, boy oh boy, driving from LAX to, to West Hollywood, with the top-down, doing 17 miles an hour on the highway, it feels like you're sitting in a skillet.

• 17:31Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, it's so stupid.

• 17:32Speaker 07

  Because it's just black leather interior, get that out of there.

• 17:35Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, that's fucked up.

• 17:36Speaker 07

  Don't make it, I'm just, I'm just cooking, my, my, right here on my thighs are both sunburned, just from, just from- Just direct overhead sun, scorching, no place to go. And then you can't, and then you can't put the top up.

• 17:49Andrew Santino?

  Why not?

• 17:49Speaker 07

  Because you have to pull over on the side of the road and you have to put the car in park in order for it to come up.

• 17:53Andrew Santino?

  Is it automatic or it's handheld? It's, you have to do it by hand?

• 17:56Speaker 07

  No, no, you press the button, but it won't go up unless the car is in park.

• 18:00Andrew Santino?

  That's, it always fascinates me when they have like, uh, uh, newer cars that you still have to automatically, like there's a, Porsche came out with a, um, and look this up, this is crazy. Porsche came out with, this is new.

• 18:12Speaker 07

  I like they say Porsche, by the way.

• 18:13Andrew Santino?

  It is Porsche.

• 18:13Speaker 07

  I know, but it's like, you know, it's like a lot, a lot of things are a lot of things, you know what I mean? You could say Parmesan Reggiano, but you're not saying that.

• 18:19Andrew Santino?

  Mortadell.

• 18:20Speaker 07

  Exactly.

• 18:21Andrew Santino?

  Porsche came out with a car that you, it still has a manual, uh, uh, closed roof where you physically still have to like click, clack, let's latch.

• 18:28Speaker 07

  Oh.

• 18:29Andrew Santino?

  To get it on and off. What is it called? I don't remember if it's an, maybe it's the 718. It could be this, it is, right? The 718, was that right? Yeah.

• 18:36Speaker 07

  Yeah.

• 18:36Andrew Santino?

  The 718, they still have, you physically still manual click in, which I think they came back out with, because it used to be automatic. But I remember seeing it on one of these car shows that I like, and I was like, dude, you're gonna pay that kind of money? And you, it doesn't do it by itself?

• 18:50Speaker 07

  Yeah, and then that's like one more piece that could break, and then you're like, come on.

• 18:54Andrew Santino?

  It reminds me of the Seinfeld episode with the Saab, the drop top Saab.

• 18:56Speaker 07

  Oh dude, by the way, I had a Saab. That was my second car. My, I had a, my first car was a 1988 Buick Skyhawk. Uh, and then my dad had the Saab that was, he bought used and it was just nothing but problems. And then he gave it to me because I totaled the other one, and then I totaled that car as well. But that car spent so much time, that car spent more time on the back of a flatbed than it did with either of us driving.

• 19:19Andrew Santino?

  You totaled two cars?

• 19:20Speaker 07

  Well, the first one was like, uh, it was like kind of, the first car wasn't total totaled, but it was just such an old car that we, I didn't want to, I, I think it was like the brakes went and I got.

• 19:30Andrew Santino?

  Oh, you didn't hit anything?

• 19:31Speaker 07

  No, well, I did hit something. I hit, we, I hit a school bus one time. What dude? A school bus hit me. It was like a, I was going to, I was going to, we both were coming around a turn and the, and the school bus, it was the, it literally this, I was picking up my friend to go to school, high school. And the sun right, went right directly in our eyes, like morning sun. So I couldn't see and I was, you know, it's a beater car. So I'm, I'm grinding the, the, the hubcaps against the curb because I couldn't see. And then I felt this big impact and we hit this bus that had children on it and stuff. And they were, and then the bus driver didn't get out and my buddy was in the front seat with me. His dad is a cop and he's like, if they don't get out, you don't have to get out. And I went, oh, really? And then so we both just sat there and kind of like this Mexican standoff for a while. And then I looked and then the bus driver just kind of like waved their hand.

• 20:13Speaker 07

  And he's like, oh, they're waving you off. You're good. I went, okay. So I just drove away to school. Leaving the scene of an accident with children. Then the next day, uh, when I was in high, when I was in school, two plainclothes detectives showed up to my house. Shut up dude. Charged me with leaving the scene of an accident. Yeah. Like all of these, all like a litany of crime. Thankfully, the bus driver was like an illiterate, you know, bus driver and, and they had, and they, and they got the story was all wrong. They said there were four people in the car that I was, it was a woman in there. It was all these different things. So it got dismissed, thank God, but it would have been, it would have been bad. And then the second one, you know, I just will preface it by saying Fast and the Furious was at a, as a cultural peak at the time. Sure.

• 20:53Speaker 07

  Drag racing and, and street racing was very big and my friend had a Camaro, but I had this, I had this Saab turbo and I was like, this car is faster than your car. And so we tried to, uh, do a, live our life a quarter mile at a time. And I, but it was an automatic and I was just redlining it in neutral for, I mean, probably ten full seconds of redlining it in neutral. Again, my friend, I kind of blame my friend for this because he was the one that was going to drop his hands down, but he was, it was freezing. And so he was like shivering, but I thought he was about to drop his hand because he was doing this the whole time. And so I'm like. And then I dropped it in and one of the heating pins got so hot that when I dropped it into drive, it shot out and exploded my entire transmission casing, like the metal

• 21:37Speaker 07

  casing of the car exploded and there was just metal chunks all over the ground and we were in this abandoned sort of, you know, parking lot, not parking lot, but like one of those studio parking lot areas where the office park and, you know, my dad was like, what happened to the car? I'm like, I don't know, it just, I tried to put it in drive. In the, in the middle of this office park at, at 11 at night and it, uh, yeah, and so that got totaled pretty bad.

• 22:01Andrew Santino?

  I love how you said that all bus drivers are illiterate. My bus driver fanbase is gonna be pissed off about that. Don't think I let that go.

• 22:07Speaker 07

  Don't think that I didn't.

• 22:08Andrew Santino?

  You know, bus drivers are illiterate and some guy at home like takes off his glasses and he's like, really, Mike Feeny?

• 22:13Speaker 07

  I had a good, I had, I remember having one, she was a terrific bus driver. She was always very nice, very sweet and then I-

• 22:18Andrew Santino?

  You remember your bus drivers?

• 22:20Speaker 07

  I had, I remember one of them was very nice and I remember the other one was quite literally the bus driver from South Park. That was like the screaming witch with like a bird in her hair that was being like, shut the fuck, like it was, I had literally, it was a car, it was perfect timing because I was on the air at the same time. High school was a trip.

• 22:36Andrew Santino?

  High school was a trip, dude. I had a, dude, you want to talk about a weird car experience? We, I used to get picked up by a husband and wife in a station wagon to take us because when I was, when we were living in downtown Chicago, the school I went to was just a little bit too far for us to walk, you know, and the buses were, they don't, if it's too close, buses won't get you.

• 22:52Speaker 07

  Right, right.

• 22:52Andrew Santino?

  So they were like, you gotta figure it out. You gotta walk your kid to school or you gotta get him a ride somehow.

• 22:55Speaker 07

  Sure.

• 22:56Andrew Santino?

  So a, a woman in the building, my mom doesn't even remember, but a woman in the building had been like, oh, this, this family uses this, this retiree and his wife and they drive together. By the way, how clever that the guy who was driving always brought his wife. So it was just like, it's not as creepy, but it still was very creepy.

• 23:11Speaker 07

  Sure.

• 23:12Andrew Santino?

  Dude, it was a station wagon. We all just piled into the back of the station wagon. Some people got the bench if you got it. If not, you jumped in literally-

• 23:17Speaker 07

  The backwards facing bench?

• 23:19Andrew Santino?

  Nope.

• 23:19Speaker 07

  They had that too, right?

• 23:20Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, but just open back though to the back of the station wagon.

• 23:22Speaker 07

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 23:22Andrew Santino?

  And, uh, they would just drive us to school, but if you weren't there on time when he was, this like you'd think sweet old man. No, no, no. No, no, no, no, no, no. They were always eating and they smelled and he was very big and if you weren't there when you were supposed to be there after- School like if a kickball game just got out of control and you needed to stay in it. They would leave and then you'd have to figure out a way to get home. And this is pre-cell phone, pre-fucking.

• 23:42Speaker 07

  Yeah.

• 23:43Andrew Santino?

  You had to figure it out. You had to latchkey your way home. I joined a gang. I had to. I didn't have a choice. How was I supposed to get home, man?

• 23:49Speaker 07

  Just you go.

• 23:50Andrew Santino?

  Yeah.

• 23:51Speaker 07

  By the way, kickball was one of those sports where I was, I was, I remember, I remember thinking this in elementary school, being like, I am going to be a professional kickball player. I didn't know that wasn't a professional sport. And I was like, there's never been anybody better at kickball.

• 24:04Andrew Santino?

  I'm kickball king.

• 24:04Speaker 07

  Yeah, yeah. It was very fun.

• 24:06Andrew Santino?

  You were good at kickball because you're lanky.

• 24:08Speaker 07

  Uh, yeah, it was like a pendulum.

• 24:09Andrew Santino?

  Turn one on that. Yeah.

• 24:10Speaker 07

  Exactly.

• 24:11Andrew Santino?

  You know, it was always funny in kickball because it, someone, you know, you throw a ball to tag someone out. You throw them at the physical person.

• 24:17Speaker 07

  Right.

• 24:17Andrew Santino?

  Someone always got hit in the face.

• 24:18Speaker 07

  Always.

• 24:18Andrew Santino?

  And cried. And it became a thing. And it was like, okay, all right, all right, I'm sorry. And then the teacher's like, you can't do that. And you're like, that's the game.

• 24:26Speaker 07

  Yeah, this is, this is just dodgeball with kicking, essentially.

• 24:29Andrew Santino?

  Part of it is hitting someone in the head. Are you aiming for the head? Yes, of course.

• 24:34Speaker 07

  Sure.

• 24:34Andrew Santino?

  That makes a good out. And we laugh and then it's, then it like pumps up your team. But it is such an obvious, you're supposed to throw it and hit him. No, you should hit him in the head.

• 24:42Speaker 07

  Yeah, you gotta hit him. You gotta head hunt.

• 24:44Andrew Santino?

  You really do.

• 24:45Speaker 07

  Gotta head hunt.

• 24:46Andrew Santino?

  When you were a little boy, you, what was, you think your best sport was kickball? Cause I gotta say.

• 24:50Speaker 07

  Uh, dodgeball was actually my best.

• 24:51Andrew Santino?

  Oh, I was a menace at, uh, at, um, tetherball?

• 24:56Speaker 07

  Oh, yeah, yeah.

• 24:57Andrew Santino?

  With the one going around the pole? Menace.

• 24:59Speaker 07

  Yeah.

• 24:59Andrew Santino?

  Because I was taller and I could jump higher than a lot of people.

• 25:01Speaker 07

  That's smart.

• 25:02Andrew Santino?

  I would fuck you up. You were not, also, I, you know, right away, I would just keep doing it. Oh, yeah, you do the swoop. Oh, they can't touch it? Come on! Get out of here.

• 25:11Speaker 07

  We didn't have tetherball on my thing. We had that, it's not even a game. It just, you throw it into.

• 25:16Andrew Santino?

  Oh, yeah, and it goes out one of the holes?

• 25:17Speaker 07

  One of the holes. And then it's like, I don't even know what's the, you just go, there it is. It's this way now.

• 25:22Andrew Santino?

  Goes that way.

• 25:22Speaker 07

  Yeah.

• 25:23Andrew Santino?

  We didn't, we had tetherball, but obviously Chicago and then you on the East Coast, we only, you know, we got to play these outdoor games for, you know, what, two months? Not even? I mean, it was.

• 25:32Speaker 07

  Dodgeball was huge, but I, problem is I never had, I had no arm strength. So I couldn't throw anybody out. All I could do is dodge. Cause I was skinny. So I was always the last person, like alive. And then I would just, it would just be me dodging balls until I eventually got wailed.

• 25:46Andrew Santino?

  That sounds like your real adult life as well. Dodging balls till you get wailed. Mike Feeney enjoys his new special out right now. Dodging balls until I get wailed. Come to sleep, dude.

• 25:54Speaker 07

  Meet and greet at the vet's next time.

• 25:57Andrew Santino?

  Hey, I heard about the dodging balls thing. I'm here to buy you a drink.

• 26:00Speaker 07

  Yeah, I, yeah. Did you, and I know you had a, you had a big rap phase in high school, I assume, right?

• 26:06Andrew Santino?

  I did.

• 26:06Speaker 07

  Yeah, me too.

• 26:07Andrew Santino?

  I still am living in it a little bit.

• 26:08Speaker 07

  I had like an embarrassing one.

• 26:10Andrew Santino?

  No, it was all embarrassing.

• 26:11Speaker 07

  Yeah, yeah.

• 26:11Andrew Santino?

  A bunch of white, like suburban kids.

• 26:13Speaker 07

  Were you in a freestyle rap group?

• 26:14Andrew Santino?

  Wasn't in a group, but I did freestyle rap with people. And I'd get, and then, and then it would, then in high school, college, I would get stoned and do the freestyles in somebody's basement. That was like a common embarrassing thing.

• 26:25Speaker 07

  Dude, this is-

• 26:26Andrew Santino?

  Thank god for no cell phones back then.

• 26:28Speaker 07

  Yes, truly that. I mean, we were, because this was 2000, let's say 2003, and this was, so I was probably, you know, sophomore. It was right when Get Rich or Die Tryin' came out and Eminem, so it was just like at the end, the height of Eminem's beefs with people and stuff. So I, we were in this group, it was just, it was all white guys. We had to have one, one black guy that was in the group. Um, but he was also maybe the whitest black guy. Uh, but, and I was the, I was just the beat guy for the most part because I played drums, so I could just make a physical beat. And I only made one beat all the time. It was just the grindin' beat by Clips. It's the best freestyle.

• 27:03Andrew Santino?

  Oh, what a good beat. It's such a good beat.

• 27:06Speaker 07

  It's one of the best beats of all time. Yeah. And so I would just do that and, you know, we named our, we had a whole name. It was, it was, it was called Choke On It. Um, Choke On It, because, by the way, and to my, you know.

• 27:19Andrew Santino?

  Lot of gay themed stuff coming out of Feeny.

• 27:21Speaker 07

  No, no. I will say, this is, this is coming off, fresh off the Attitude Era and the Suck It Generation. It was, you know, it was of the time. Right now, looking back, was it our best work? No. But, uh, we would, here's the best part about it, is that we could always just end, if you ran out of what to say in a freestyle, you would just end with choke on it and it immediately was just, it worked every time. You know, if you're like, ain't nobody better in a hoodie or a sweater or in any type of weather, choke on it bitch. And then it would, oh, it'd pop, it would just pop. It would be, it would be so great. Yeah, everyone would scream. And then one kid one time was like, I want to join the, the Choke On It group. And because then there was like rival ones for him, it was so embarrassing. And my, and we, we were like, you gotta kind of like sing.

• 28:02Andrew Santino?

  Who, how did you? Rush for choke on it.

• 28:04Speaker 07

  You gotta sing for your supper. Let's see what you got. Grinding beat comes down. Let's go, bro, in front of everybody. And this kid, dude, I'm not making this up. He laid down one of these like Yo Mama style freestyles that was so good that he became instantly the best person in the group. And he was like the closer. Like every time we would do it in front of other people. He would do the same rap and it would murder every time. And I still remember it to this day. And then, so, okay, so he would go, it would go, and I got some that, I'll tell you about this afterwards. So, but he would go, he would go,

• 28:36Speaker 07

  "Yo mama so fat." How fat is she? Mama is so big and fat that she could get busy with 22 burritos when times get rough. I seen that bitch in Taco Bell in handcuffs. And as that, yo mama smoked crack. She got burning urine and there's no turning back. Knuckles drag down to the ground when she walks. Spit comes out that bitch's mouth when she talks. Choke on it, bitch. It would fucking

• 28:58Andrew Santino?

  Annihilate.

• 28:59Speaker 07

  Kill. Every time, people were like, "Where did you come up with that?" And all of us were, we would repeat it. And for years, it was like a thing in our friend group. Fast forward to three months ago.

• 29:09Andrew Santino?

  He's in jail.

• 29:11Speaker 07

  This was, this was 2003. Fast forward to three months ago. I'm in, I'm at the gym in a hotel on the road. I'm working out. I get into, I got, I went down a real, uh, the far side rabbit hole, right? And I'm listening, I'm in the middle of bench press. And as I'm bench pressing, this song comes on. Called Yo Mama.

• 29:34Speaker 07

  It was word for word, that thing, that whole thing. It's the far side. It's the far side. Nobody knew a 1992 rap in 2003 as a high school kid. We weren't, we weren't that bad. But this one kid, this little fucking hack, sneak, theft plagiarizer, came in, presented this as his own, just added choke on it. He's like Vanilla Ice being like, "I didn't steal under pressure. I just ding ding ding ding like that." And I texted all of my friends the song. I go, that I, I haven't, some of them I haven't even talked to since high school. I go, "Dude, look at this, look at this." And all of them had no idea. And it feels like my whole childhood was a lie now.

• 30:06Andrew Santino?

  Well, it was.

• 30:07Speaker 07

  It was.

• 30:07Andrew Santino?

  Wait till you figure out that Santa isn't fucking real. You're gonna blow your mind, dude. Everything was a lie. This Bastard, what is he doing now, this guy?

• 30:14Speaker 07

  I don't know.

• 30:15Andrew Santino?

  Dad.

• 30:15Speaker 07

  Well, here's the thing, no one can pin down who was the, we're like, what was that kid's name? And we're like, I can't remember the kid's name who did it. Because you're like, think about a kid that's listening to the far side. It's such a genius thing, like, let me take a rap from 15 years ago that no one's gonna know.

• 30:29Andrew Santino?

  No one's gonna know.

• 30:30Speaker 07

  And I'll say, and it's like a deep cut, it's not even like their, one of their main songs.

• 30:33Andrew Santino?

  God, good for that kid.

• 30:34Speaker 07

  It was.

• 30:34Andrew Santino?

  Wow, that was pretty clever.

• 30:35Speaker 07

  It was such a good rap, I mean.

• 30:36Andrew Santino?

  Survival technique for him, he wanted to be a part of Suck It and what he, he needed to steal.

• 30:40Speaker 07

  Dude, when I was listening to it.

• 30:42Andrew Santino?

  Or gag on it, what is it?

• 30:43Speaker 07

  This is how in denial, no, no, suck on, uh, no, no, choke on it, sorry, choke on it, please. A little respect.

• 30:48Andrew Santino?

  Suck it, gag it, choke it.

• 30:48Speaker 07

  A little respect, if you will.

• 30:50Andrew Santino?

  Suck on it so crass, choke on it, please.

• 30:53Speaker 03

  In here, we pour whiskey.

• 30:55Andrew Santino?

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• 31:39Andrew Santino?

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• 32:15Speaker 07

  When I heard that rap, I was in such denial. I'm like, did they like hear ours? And they recorded it retroactively?

• 32:21Andrew Santino?

  Right. How did the, how did the Far Side steal that from Alex?

• 32:25Speaker 07

  From 12 years later. Then how did they?

• 32:27Andrew Santino?

  Far Side though, great reference to that group.

• 32:29Speaker 07

  Unbelievable.

• 32:29Andrew Santino?

  So good.

• 32:30Speaker 07

  Love the Far Side. Um, yeah, I got into a lot of those types of, I mean, I was always into like people that introduced me. Like, I think we talked about like Sage Francis before.

• 32:39Andrew Santino?

  Love Sage, one of the best.

• 32:41Speaker 07

  Shout out Sage, he was great.

• 32:43Andrew Santino?

  Still is.

• 32:43Speaker 07

  I met him, I met him before. He was nice. Him and I, we made a Vine together after one of his shows. One time at the knitting factory in Brooklyn because Vine, Vine was big. He was actually doing funny stuff on, on Vine. I was, that was like the first social media thing that I was, got a little bit of a following on and so, yeah.

• 32:59Andrew Santino?

  Paul Francis. Can you name his alter ego?

• 33:03Speaker 07

  I thought it was Sage Francis.

• 33:05Andrew Santino?

  No, but he has another name. I mean, you know, another pseudonym that he, that he went by.

• 33:09Speaker 07

  What was it?

• 33:10Andrew Santino?

  Zol Zan.

• 33:11Speaker 07

  I don't remember that.

• 33:12Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, this is deep cut shit. That's like really, that's really digging if you, if you really were a fan.

• 33:18Speaker 07

  Sea Lion.

• 33:19Andrew Santino?

  So you did a fucking Vine with him?

• 33:22Andrew Santino?

  Zol Zan. Yeah. You know what's so funny? You know how powerful Sage Francis was?

• 33:25Speaker 07

  Uh huh.

• 33:27Andrew Santino?

  The song.

• 33:28Speaker 07

  Make Shift Patriot?

• 33:29Andrew Santino?

  Yes. Did I tell you the story already?

• 33:30Speaker 07

  No, I just fucking know Sage Francis.

• 33:31Andrew Santino?

  Oh, you knew what I was gonna say?

• 33:32Speaker 07

  No, I don't.

• 33:33Andrew Santino?

  Uh, God, what grade was I in? Maybe a political science class or some bullshit like that? But I read, uh, I read that, the lyrics to that, um, to class. And my teacher was kinda like a rad, younger dude.

• 33:49Speaker 07

  Uh huh.

• 33:49Andrew Santino?

  And he was like all fucking about it because the lyrics to that are incredible. And I, like, I remember so vividly hearing it for the first time and how good he was at articulating something without, without being so on the nose about it.

• 34:02Speaker 07

  Yeah.

• 34:03Andrew Santino?

  Um, when he says, "That's exactly what the attack when a typically dark-skinned Disney villain use civilians against civilians and drive the Trojan horses into our buildings." And imagine saying that to a group of kids in high school.

• 34:12Speaker 07

  Yep.

• 34:12Andrew Santino?

  Like saying, and they were all like, "Who wrote that? Is that a poet?" But I obviously, I'm not claiming it as my own, but I was like, this is a song by this guy Sage Francis, who a lot of my classmates had, no fuck. I mean, there was a group of hip-hop heads that I went to school with that like, in my friend group, that we all loved it. Like, my buddy Tyler and I were like hip-hop nerds, but like, you know, reading that to a class of kids, they were like, "Who is this fucking guy that you're saying?" But when I read the lyrics to that song, I remember how hard it like hit. People were, by the way, this is also, because 9/11 had just happened.

• 34:42Speaker 07

  Yep.

• 34:43Andrew Santino?

  And, this is my senior year of high school, maybe? And I remember how like, heavy that was. People were like, "Wow, that's a pretty powerful thing to sing about."

• 34:51Speaker 07

  Yeah.

• 34:51Andrew Santino?

  Given the circumstances of it, and it's very articulate.

• 34:54Speaker 07

  He was always, he was so articulate that when you listen to, he's not one of those rappers-

• 34:58Andrew Santino?

  It looks just like a movie. I love that, yeah.

• 34:59Speaker 07

  Like, he's not one of those rappers where you go like, "What is he saying?" Like, oh, you can clearly hear, his dictation was very good.

• 35:04Andrew Santino?

  Unbelievably good.

• 35:05Speaker 07

  Slow down Gandhi, all these things. Yeah, it was great.

• 35:07Andrew Santino?

  Oh, yeah, dude.

• 35:08Speaker 07

  Healthy mistrust.

• 35:08Andrew Santino?

  Well, who did you love the most that had the least articulate lyrics? Where you're like, "I don't really, I can't really understand every word."

• 35:15Speaker 07

  I mean, obviously, like Busta Rhymes was always-

• 35:18Andrew Santino?

  No, I'm thinking about in the underground world like that, like in the more of the independent world.

• 35:22Speaker 07

  I mean, I remember like, who was it? Like Atmosphere?

• 35:24Andrew Santino?

  Aesop Rock.

• 35:25Speaker 07

  Aesop Rock.

• 35:26Andrew Santino?

  Was 100% the most confusing.

• 35:29Speaker 07

  Unintelligible.

• 35:29Andrew Santino?

  And I loved him. And he's very, he's very smart.

• 35:32Speaker 07

  Sure.

• 35:32Andrew Santino?

  But like, that was one where I legitimately, like, I would listen to it over and over and over and over again in the car, and still not understand what he was fucking saying. Like, uh, um, uh, what is the, uh, "Daylight." "Daylight" was one of my favorite songs.

• 35:49Speaker 07

  You just have your own version of what that song is, and you're embarrassed to sing it?

• 35:52Andrew Santino?

  Just like my mom does this all the time, where she'll sing a lyric to a song, and I'll go, "That's not what they're saying." And she's like, "Shut up, who cares?" Do you know what I mean? She does that-

• 35:59Speaker 07

  I like that. I love that response.

• 36:00Andrew Santino?

  But no, she's right, but I hear my mom say a pop, sing a popular song. But the song "Daylight", play the beginning of "Daylight," we'll cut this out, because we can't use it.

• 36:07Speaker 07

  Look at this, there we go. Classic, cut it out.

• 36:09Andrew Santino?

  Do you want me just to read it? Let me, let me try to, oh, this'll be good. Let me try to guess what he's saying.

• 36:14Speaker 07

  There we go.

• 36:15Andrew Santino?

  Okay, ready?

• 36:15Speaker 07

  Now we got ourselves a thing.

• 36:16Andrew Santino?

  Poke one at me, shackle me. Right? No?

• 36:20Speaker 07

  Uh, kind of.

• 36:21Andrew Santino?

  What is it? Put one up for shackle me not. What, see?

• 36:25Speaker 07

  Put what? Say that again?

• 36:26Andrew Santino?

  Put one up for shackle me not. Put one up for shackle me not. Pro clean logic, wait, procreation? Clean logic? Clean logic procreation? Clean logic procre- I did not invent the wheel, I was a crooked spoke adjacent.

• 36:40Speaker 07

  Mm-hmm, that one's pretty-

• 36:40Andrew Santino?

  Well, the other-

• 36:43Andrew Santino?

  Well, the other, hold on, Pokemon, I mean.

• 36:47Andrew Santino?

  I was not a mental weirdo with a crooked spoke adjacent. Well, the other lassos, fuck, what is it? While the triple sixes lassos.

• 36:53Andrew Santino?

  While the triple sixes lassos keep, keep angels roped in the basement. I walk around the, I walk around the block with the halo poking you, poking you patients. Walk around with a block with a stick poking your patients. I walked the block with a halo on a stick poking your patients.

• 37:05Andrew Santino?

  Stick poking your patients, yeah, see, I couldn't remember it as clean as I could. Isn't that fucking wild?

• 37:09Speaker 07

  It's, it's, it's so fun when you have like, you just hear that thing and like.

• 37:12Andrew Santino?

  He's fucking brilliant.

• 37:14Speaker 07

  And you just go, I don't know what he's saying, but I love it.

• 37:15Andrew Santino?

  I fucking love it.

• 37:16Speaker 07

  Yeah, like I'm catching every fourth word and you're like, oh, I bet if I knew all that, this would be sick.

• 37:20Andrew Santino?

  But we used to sing it, like me and my buddy Baldino, we would sing it. And because we didn't, I mean, I, I knew, we were new pieces of it, unless we looked up the book.

• 37:27Speaker 07

  Dude, I was gonna say, remember they, they had the liner notes, some, some places had lyrics. Can you imagine if we had the Spotify karaoke ver, like, you know, the, how they have like the lyrics come up and they highlighted karaoke style? You go, if we had that as kids, it would be insane, you know? That Ellen bit would never have been popular, remember that Ellen bit about words? That was like, that was like off her, off her.

• 37:46Andrew Santino?

  Wasn't a big Ellen fan, never liked Ellen. When she left the country, I, I feel like I did that, that was me.

• 37:53Speaker 07

  She had that, she used to have that, it was like one of her classic, classic Ellen bits, you know? Um, you know.

• 37:58Andrew Santino?

  Well, being mean to staff members, what was it? Bullying staff members?

• 38:01Speaker 07

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 38:02Andrew Santino?

  Bullying people making thirty grand a year? Where's my fucking coffee? Oh, I can't pay rent, fuck you!

• 38:09Speaker 07

  So you do know the bit.

• 38:12Speaker 07

  No, she has that, she'd have that bit about being like, when you sing the wrong lyrics and you get corrected and how embarrassing it is if you go like. You go, ah, monkey hatchet, and they go, that's not what they're saying, and they go, what? He goes, oh, does she have it? Oh, sorry, I thought it was monkey hatchet, and the bit goes on and on, and it's, it's.

• 38:28Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, I get it.

• 38:29Speaker 07

  There's a lot of, it's a lot of, it's a lot of performance.

• 38:31Andrew Santino?

  Although you look like a lesbian, you don't do lesbian material well, Feeny, I don't know what that is. No, dude, dude, you know what though? I do, I remember, maybe it was college, but a girl was singing, I'll never be your pizza burner. And I was like. What? Are you saying pizza burner? And my buddy Colin remembers, she was so embarrassed, she was like, no, I mean, I don't know, whatever the fuck it is. That's just the worst, when someone asks you that question in a tone like that and you lose all confidence and everything? Oh, but also, the name of the song is Beast of Burden. It's not even where it's like, it's not even Pro Clean Logic Creation, done with the triple six. It's not like embedded in all, the name of the song is fucking Beast of Burden. Couldn't be more clear.

• 39:14Andrew Santino?

  And she was so mad, like, it was the moment of the, that fuck you guys, that's not funny. It's not funny to be mean about it. Sucks to not take it like that. And you're like, come on dude, it's, who cares? Oh, I did, did I share it on the fucking, the Stevie Wonder thing? Did I sell that before? Yeah, we said that yesterday. Oh my god. Damn, sounded great. No, no, no, but, no, it was just, we, we were at this thing with a restaurant with a friend and this woman who was, you know, like a, a...

• 39:37Andrew Santino?

  No, maybe I didn't, did I not just share it? We talked about it off camera. Let's get in. We were at a birthday thing and this woman who is a friend of a friend who I didn't know and it's this guy's date and, uh, this guy's very like, this kinda guy, so you know what kinda date he had, you understand what I'm saying? Like, my wife was like, I wonder if I should wear this to the restaurant, is it classy enough, is it hot? And then we got there, I was like, well, that girl's pussy's out, so I think you're gonna be fine. And this girl is sitting at a table and of course, someone at the table's like, Stevie Wonder, right there. And I'm like, no way, he's like, Stevie Wonder, and I turn around, Stevie fucking Wonder, and like, two people next to him, and he's just like kinda standing there. And this girl catches when she's like, this Russian woman, she's like, who is that, who, what, where, what? And then we go, Stevie fucking Wonder is right there. She goes, what, really? And the table, they start walking behind our table, she turns, waves to him. Hilarious. I go, lady. Unbelievable.

• 40:23Andrew Santino?

  And so we all start laughing, and she's like, whoa, why, why, why? And we're like, he's blind. Why is this too funny? I go, he's not gonna, he's not gonna see it, and she goes, oh, how would I know he's blind? I was like, he is, he is the... He's more famous for being blind than anything else. Anything else! His music is secondary, I would say, to being blind. Definitely, if you look up Wikipedia, I said, if you opened up Wikipedia to blind, he's gotta be the guy.

• 40:44Speaker 07

  It's also, if you open up his biography, it's in the first sentence, I would imagine.

• 40:48Andrew Santino?

  A blind musician.

• 40:50Speaker 07

  It might be the fir- yeah.

• 40:51Andrew Santino?

  Second word?

• 40:52Speaker 07

  Yeah, yeah.

• 40:52Andrew Santino?

  Or just the first one, blind musician?

• 40:54Speaker 07

  Blind musician, famous for, yeah.

• 40:56Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, but that, and she didn't take the joke well, but I thought, come on lady, half the laugh, he's fucking blind.

• 41:01Speaker 07

  Right.

• 41:01Andrew Santino?

  Also, I did like that she waved at him for a second, cause I thought, if he waves back, we're gonna find out something amazing.

• 41:06Speaker 07

  Or if he just does this, you know? Well, isn't there a video of him, where he like catches something?

• 41:11Andrew Santino?

  I saw the video, and by the way, they're not unaware of their presence, he's not blind in the dark, he's not black blind, like all the way bl- black blind? What am I? Jesus Christ.

• 41:21Speaker 07

  My god.

• 41:22Andrew Santino?

  He's white blind, he's not black blind, and black blind is less apparent than... No, he fucking, so insane. No, I mean, he doesn't see all black, he doesn't see all black.

• 41:31Speaker 07

  Right.

• 41:32Andrew Santino?

  He's not completely blind, he's, he is vision impaired.

• 41:34Speaker 07

  He's not colorblind.

• 41:35Andrew Santino?

  No, no, he, but they see, they say they can, a lot of people that are blind can see stuff.

• 41:39Speaker 07

  Like amorphous blobs and all that kind of stuff.

• 41:41Andrew Santino?

  Exactly, which is what we, which, that's what we call, uh, his ex-girlfriend, amorphous blob. Why wasn't that not a character in Star Wars? Amorphous blob.

• 41:48Speaker 07

  Yeah, just this fucking amoeba looking thing.

• 41:50Andrew Santino?

  I met fucking, uh, I met Mark Hamill the other night, when I did, uh, when I did TV, which was kinda wild, because...

• 41:55Speaker 07

  What's he doing? He looks very, I feel like he's very short.

• 41:57Andrew Santino?

  Well, he's, no, he's not that small of a guy, but they prompted me to be like, do you wanna talk to Hamill? Like, if he stays, do you wanna talk to him on the panel about Star Wars? And I was like, I'm not a big enough fa- I'm not a fan.

• 42:06Speaker 07

  Yeah.

• 42:07Andrew Santino?

  I'm gonna say I'm not a fan, because I like Star Wars. Well, I li- it was cool, I guess, when I saw it, but like, I'm not gonna pretend to play, catch up with the people that are fans. And Bobby's a big fan, and we fight about it all the time, because I always say, the, the woman doing the prompt for Kimmel, she was like, you know, do you have any, you know, bits that you'd wanna do about that? And I'm thinking about jokes that I would run, and I was like, not really, because they'd all be negative, and then Star Wars fans would hate me.

• 42:29Speaker 07

  Right.

• 42:30Andrew Santino?

  Because the bit I did say, my buddy Adam Lustig and I used to joke, he's like, what's up with making up a whole fake world? This world is pretty fucking crazy already.

• 42:38Speaker 07

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 42:38Andrew Santino?

  He goes, have you ever been to Baltimore? It's insane. That's...

• 42:42Speaker 07

  What, and what was the bar, what's the bar that he always references in fucking Star Wars? Oh, that, um, Tatooine?

• 42:48Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, the Tatooine or whatever, yeah.

• 42:50Speaker 07

  Yeah.

• 42:50Andrew Santino?

  That's what it was.

• 42:50Speaker 07

  People are gonna be furious in the comments, that's not the name of the bar!

• 42:53Andrew Santino?

  But that's what he said, Lustig was like, Baltimore is Tatooine, dude, that's the most fun, that's the highest collection of lunatics you've ever seen.

• 42:59Speaker 07

  The Cantina.

• 43:00Andrew Santino?

  The Cantina and Tatooine. By the way, should've had a better name, Star Wars Cantina?

• 43:04Speaker 07

  Yeah.

• 43:05Andrew Santino?

  You put a, a Mexican themed bar at Tatooine?

• 43:08Speaker 07

  Just chips and salsa on every table?

• 43:11Speaker 07

  Oh, tableside guac?

• 43:13Andrew Santino?

  In Star Wars? To see like a multi-armed thing making that? That would've been pretty rad.

• 43:19Speaker 07

  Cilantro, guys.

• 43:20Andrew Santino?

  Do we need tableside guac? Do we need it?

• 43:22Speaker 07

  I think they, I think they charge extra for that.

• 43:24Andrew Santino?

  Of course they fucking do. Of course they do, and I don't need it.

• 43:27Speaker 07

  And it's never, ever, ever as good.

• 43:28Andrew Santino?

  You say yes.

• 43:30Speaker 07

  Oh, you mean as opposed to regular guac?

• 43:31Andrew Santino?

  I'm just saying, I don't think, I don't think I need to see you make it tableside. They do it now as a show. I don't think it's necessary.

• 43:37Speaker 07

  And not only that, but-

• 43:38Andrew Santino?

  Caesar salad at steak houses. You don't need to fucking make it in front of you.

• 43:41Speaker 07

  But here's the other, here's the main part. You have no quality assurance. If you're in the kitchen, every good chef, they'll try a little bit of the product. And then they go, "Oh, actually, it's a little too limey. It needs a little bounce out." When they make in front of you, and then they're like, huh?

• 43:53Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, they can't try in front of you, that's right.

• 43:55Speaker 07

  "It's good." Like, you know, you go, "Oh, you..."

• 43:58Speaker 07

  And then they put way too much cilantro. It's a whole, it's always, it's always a mess.

• 44:02Andrew Santino?

  I disagree with cilantro as an existence as a whole. I think it's bullshit. I think it doesn't add, it adds nothing. It adds nothing. Salt, salt can bring out what you need out of avocado and, and, and pico and onions.

• 44:16Speaker 07

  Lime, need lime juice.

• 44:17Andrew Santino?

  You do not need cilantro.

• 44:19Speaker 07

  I also will say, get the red onions out of there. Get the raw red onions out of there.

• 44:23Andrew Santino?

  Now we're, now we're in a, we're at an impasse because I love red onions.

• 44:27Speaker 07

  That's a hard, uncooked raw, raw red onions is, is a, is a heartburn attack.

• 44:30Andrew Santino?

  We're married. We're not kissing anybody but our wives. They could take the onion hit.

• 44:34Speaker 07

  I don't even care about the breadth. It's the, I get like agitation from it.

• 44:37Andrew Santino?

  Indigestion. I always forget that you're part Jewish.

• 44:39Speaker 07

  I'm not.

• 44:40Andrew Santino?

  Yes, you are. Yes, you are.

• 44:42Speaker 07

  I am not part Jewish.

• 44:44Andrew Santino?

  Yes, you are, dude. He is.

• 44:45Speaker 07

  I get super mad.

• 44:47Andrew Santino?

  Relax, Feeny.

• 44:49Speaker 07

  I flip the whole table. "I'll burn this down."

• 44:51Andrew Santino?

  He starts waving a Palestinian flag. He's like, "Don't tempt me, dude." "Don't get me there."

• 44:58Speaker 07

  It's iconic.

• 44:59Andrew Santino?

  I just don't think I need to see stuff made in front of me at the table. They did it at the restaurant the other week, and I was like, "I don't need to see that, man. It's a whole fucking getup. Just make it in the back and I'll eat it when it gets here."

• 45:08Speaker 07

  Yes, and in the back, you're making in bigger quantities. Again, my thing is just the quality assurance.

• 45:12Andrew Santino?

  Well, now we're on the cantina talk, because I am curious about your opinion now. A chunky salsa, soupy salsa, right? Because some places have soupy salsas, some places have very chunky. Salsa.

• 45:21Speaker 07

  I it's soupy soupy is a is a very negative connotation. So I think I'm thinking when you say soupy, I'm thinking of watery. Now, if it has the that like emulsified blended thing where it's kind of like.

• 45:31Andrew Santino?

  Correct. That's what I say when I say soupy. And you're right, I was leading you negatively. I should have said.

• 45:35Speaker 07

  Then then I like I prefer the emulsified, uh, nice thickened a little bit. But if my other option is the watery one, then I want the chunk.

• 45:44Andrew Santino?

  Now you gotta have chunk. I think chunk is king.

• 45:46Speaker 07

  You need both is my opinion. A salsa verde and a and a chunk.

• 45:49Andrew Santino?

  OK, but then you're we're talking color. Now we're talking green versus red.

• 45:53Speaker 07

  Greens should always be a part. I don't even know how red.

• 45:55Andrew Santino?

  Is green sauce.

• 45:56Speaker 07

  Yes, but but but it's like a perfect mild little heat. Like that should be on every. I don't know why red became the the go to. I think we should have.

• 46:04Andrew Santino?

  This is my OK.

• 46:05Speaker 07

  Slow down, Gandhi, you're killing them.

• 46:09Speaker 00

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• 46:39Speaker 01

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• 47:09Speaker 07

  Son of a bitch, dude.

• 47:10Andrew Santino?

  That's funny. By the way, I think you and I, how often are you told that you like are people in your comment or whatever being like, this guy, you slowed down on coke? The amount of times.

• 47:19Speaker 07

  The same energy of coke, yeah.

• 47:20Andrew Santino?

  Yes, and I've I've never done coke in my life.

• 47:22Speaker 07

  You know this, I've never done coke. By the way, I love saying I've never done coke or Adderall. And the amount of people are like, yeah, fucking right.

• 47:28Andrew Santino?

  What a weird thing to lie about.

• 47:30Speaker 07

  Yeah, no, I've done.

• 47:30Andrew Santino?

  A lot of fucking drugs. I've talked about them on this show a lot.

• 47:33Speaker 07

  Right.

• 47:34Andrew Santino?

  I just am not interested in coke.

• 47:35Speaker 07

  Yeah, it just, the reason I don't, I've never tried coke.

• 47:38Andrew Santino?

  Look at us now, that's why.

• 47:39Speaker 07

  Yeah, look at us, huh?

• 47:40Andrew Santino?

  We're too much. Now, what do you, what do you not try, you'll never try, your buddies have, you've been offered it.

• 47:44Speaker 07

  I, oh, so many times, but I, my first experience around coke, I was at a college house party. Uh, I was sitting across the, across the couch, it was like, the house party had kind of cleared out and I found myself alone in a room with this guy. He was on the couch, big coffee table in between us.

• 47:58Andrew Santino?

  Rut row.

• 47:59Speaker 07

  His name was Tex, and he was just like a big, kind of like dirty guy.

• 48:03Andrew Santino?

  Yeah.

• 48:04Speaker 07

  And he lined up just five of fat rails and did all five one by one. And then literally picked his head up and was like, and then just stared at me in silence while like gacking out like this. And then was like, you want one? And I just was, it was so disturbingly, uh, jarring that I'm like, I'm, I was also a little stoned at the time, so I was extra sensitive to everything and I was probably drunk and I just was like, I, I think,

• 48:32Andrew Santino?

  You leave the room.

• 48:33Speaker 07

  I think I'm all set.

• 48:34Andrew Santino?

  And your parents walk in, they pay him, they're like, thank you, that was the best don't do drugs ad we've ever had.

• 48:39Speaker 07

  Yeah.

• 48:39Andrew Santino?

  He's like, yeah, I'm do, I'll do whatever, more people if you want me to get him to quit.

• 48:42Speaker 07

  For more coke, for more coke, for more coke.

• 48:43Andrew Santino?

  Now, I just saw too many of my friends on coke and annoy me, right? Like drunk is also very annoying when your friends are too fucked up. Too stoned, I've never had a too stoned party where I was like, that guy's pissing me off. If anything, I'm like, I gotta walk, I just want to take a walk for a little while. But coke parties, if you're there and a lot of people are doing yak'd out, I'm like, dude, shut up, please go away.

• 49:00Speaker 07

  It's just like, you're like, mm-hmm, like they, they, they, they can't wait for you to get done talking, so they're constantly like, mm-hmm.

• 49:05Andrew Santino?

  They go, what's going on?

• 49:05Speaker 07

  Mm-hmm.

• 49:06Andrew Santino?

  What, what, what?

• 49:06Speaker 07

  No, that's great.

• 49:07Andrew Santino?

  What, what, yeah, what's going on?

• 49:07Speaker 07

  Love that, love that, love that idea.

• 49:09Andrew Santino?

  Love, love, love, love, love, love, love. Your dad, your dad is from there.

• 49:11Speaker 07

  Yeah.

• 49:12Andrew Santino?

  And you're like, yeah, my dad is from, why are you, why do you know that?

• 49:15Speaker 07

  That's it. They, they do coke and they just aren't, they know a little bit more about your life than they did before.

• 49:20Andrew Santino?

  Well, they just remember things you might have mentioned years ago. It like pops into their, a crevice of their brain that's like, yeah, your bro, no, your brother went to tech for like a year and a half, didn't he? And then he dropped out. Why did he get that job?

• 49:31Speaker 07

  Selling a mass comm?

• 49:32Andrew Santino?

  For scallops? Yeah, dude, that's crazy.

• 49:34Speaker 07

  Fishing for scallops.

• 49:35Andrew Santino?

  Yeah. You're like, fuck dude, I could, that's, how do you know that? But the amount of times I sat in a garage in high school smoking pot with people, listening to music, um, those days I'll never get back. And honestly, I don't want them.

• 49:46Speaker 07

  Do you have these?

• 49:46Andrew Santino?

  I don't want them back.

• 49:47Speaker 07

  And I'm sure there are for sure this way in LA, there's some LA comics, but there's, there's a couple of New York comics, one in particular I'm thinking of. And he's one of those things where he goes, very, very sweet guy, very nice. I, I don't think he, I think he's the most sober I've ever met of someone, but he just has, he's a guy who, we're not friends and he knows too much about me. You know what I'm saying? Like about my,

• 50:09Andrew Santino?

  God, I want to know who this is so bad.

• 50:11Speaker 07

  I don't even think you would know him, honestly, but he, he will, he'll come up to me and he'll go, he'll go, hey Mike, direct, unflinching, like, hey Mike, how are you? How's Leo? Like, I was like, why do you know my kid's name? We've never, we've, I've never spoken to you about my kid?

• 50:23Andrew Santino?

  You don't really talk about him online, it's not like you show your kid online all the time either.

• 50:26Speaker 07

  I never put up a picture of him.

• 50:27Andrew Santino?

  How would he know that?

• 50:28Speaker 07

  I,

• 50:28Andrew Santino?

  Heard it through the grapevine somewhere.

• 50:29Speaker 07

  I guess so, but he's always like, he, I just, it just weirds me out that he knows my kid's name for some reason. And again, he's a very nice guy, but it's so off putting because you're like, we're not, you should be like, how's, how's the family, you know, or something, but.

• 50:41Andrew Santino?

  Dark joke, dark joke, dark joke incoming, but also to get him to stop, just be like, Leo died, man. He'll never talk to you again.

• 50:47Speaker 07

  It's over.

• 50:47Andrew Santino?

  That guy will be like, oh, fuck, and you're like, thanks a lot, dude. Have a good night, man.

• 50:52Speaker 07

  Thanks for bringing that up.

• 50:53Andrew Santino?

  Have a good set.

• 50:54Speaker 07

  It's a fresh wound.

• 50:56Andrew Santino?

  Have a good set, man. Leo's dead. Have a good set.

• 50:58Speaker 07

  Screaming, I just start scream crying. I'm not over it, I'm not over it, I'm not over it.

• 51:02Andrew Santino?

  By the way, that guy would never talk to you ever again. God, I got it. You'll have to tell me after. Remember that, remember, remember.

• 51:07Speaker 07

  Yeah, I guarantee you won't.

• 51:08Andrew Santino?

  I need to know.

• 51:09Speaker 07

  I guarantee you won't know.

• 51:09Andrew Santino?

  Is your kid gonna be a big boy or no?

• 51:11Speaker 07

  Like what, in like a,

• 51:12Andrew Santino?

  Size wise. Is your wife tall?

• 51:14Speaker 07

  She's, she's tall for a lady. Um, I think she's probably five eight or something like that.

• 51:19Andrew Santino?

  That's tall for her, that's, that is tall. And you're, and you're what?

• 51:21Speaker 07

  Six two.

• 51:22Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, dude. That's gonna be a big boy. Are you prepping him for what sports you want him to play even though he's not gonna do that?

• 51:27Speaker 07

  Oh, yeah. We already took him, already took him to a Yankee game. He got to see his first, he got to watch his first home run, uh, the Yankee Stadium, which was,

• 51:33Andrew Santino?

  Did he, could he receive that?

• 51:35Speaker 07

  Yes, because he was very, because I was explaining, I took him to a game a year ago. He had no memory, obviously, of anything like that, but at two and a half, oh, he's gonna be three next month. Bring him to the game. On the Yankees, there's a, there's a first baseman named Ben Rice. And I was like, I was like, oh, Ben Rice is coming up. And he, and he just started laughing, he's like, Rice? And I'm like, yeah, yeah, he's like, Ben corn, you know? And he just, he couldn't believe that someone's name was also food. And he was laughing so hard. And then Ben Rice had this 10 pitch at bat where he's fouling stuff off. And he was so locked in and in between each, in between each pitch, they were playing like, we will rock you. Or just a little, you know, they play those little quick song snippets. And he was, he was kind of dancing to each one of those. And I go, we, we gotta see, maybe he'll hit a homerun. And this is the first inning. And he hits, after a 10 pitch at bat, he hits a three run fucking bomb. And the whole stadium explodes.

• 52:19Speaker 07

  And him and I are just like, jumping up. And he, he started dan- he danced for five full minutes after that. It was so fun. And he'll never remember that, but ever since then, we just like, Ben Rice is now his favorite player.

• 52:29Andrew Santino?

  I was gonna say, get him a Rice jersey, baby.

• 52:31Speaker 07

  Yeah, oh dude, he's got Aaron Judge above his bed. I really kind of let him in. I want to get, I would like to get him into, getting him into jujitsu would be awesome if for no other reason than, I can't imagine having that knowledge in high school or even middle school of not being, you don't have to worry about being attacked by somebody. It's like, dude, because those kids become this quiet, confident, obviously there's a little, there's discipline to it too. But just being able to walk around high school, being like, if I get bullied, I can destroy somebody. I see little, there's like 10 year olds that go to the place that I go to. And they're like intimidating for, for a 10 year old, you know? Where they have this con- and they're not, they don't flaunt it. They're not like, I'll beat your ass.

• 53:09Andrew Santino?

  They just know they have it in there.

• 53:10Speaker 07

  It's, it's this quiet, like confidence of going, I could fuck you up if I have to. And dude, that would have really got me out of a lot of pickles in high school.

• 53:18Andrew Santino?

  Put him in it, put him in it. How fa- how, when can they start? Five or six?

• 53:20Speaker 07

  I think like five is probably the time that they start doing that stuff.

• 53:23Andrew Santino?

  When we started wrestling around five, five or six, when you'd get with your friends and you'd kind of like, someone would get pushed and then you were like, would, let's all jump on him. And then it became a,

• 53:31Speaker 07

  Yes.

• 53:31Andrew Santino?

  Then it became like someone would fight back and then there was a struggle, you're like, whoa. I mean, they were like, They're rolling, they're really going for it, yeah.

• 53:37Speaker 07

  They're rolling right now. But that was, we were also like, when I grew up, it was the wrestling era, professional wrestling era. So it was WWE, so everybody's just practicing elbow drops and choke slams. It's not, you know, we would, we would stage fights on our trampoline because we had that little net around it. So we'd throw people off the rope.

• 53:53Andrew Santino?

  Oh, you had that little safety net?

• 53:54Speaker 07

  The duck around there, yeah, but my dad was like, the insurance, what are you out of your mind? We're not getting the trampoline, you know, it was a whole, it was a whole thing.

• 53:59Andrew Santino?

  Trampoline was never a sell for my dad. My dad was like, what?

• 54:02Speaker 07

  Yeah.

• 54:02Andrew Santino?

  No dude, you hurt yourself all the time, everywhere else. He's like, you're skateboarding, you're running, you're rolling down hills on bikes. You don't need a fucking trampoline. That's like another thing for you to break your neck on.

• 54:11Speaker 07

  Dude, I'll never forget my friend jumping on a trampoline and he tried to do a backflip and we're all like, yay! And he landed directly on his neck and I watched it like, like do that. And we just were laughing at him because it's funny because he ate it and stuff. And I remember him trying to play it off but being like, hurt, hurt. No, he, yeah.

• 54:30Andrew Santino?

  I remember him getting paralyzed, it was wild.

• 54:32Speaker 07

  He just, he just went like this, he was like, ah, yeah, that really hurt though.

• 54:38Speaker 07

  He went home, just to home. And for days he couldn't move his neck. It was very fun. We used to do dumb shit.

• 54:44Andrew Santino?

  Dumb.

• 54:45Speaker 07

  We would do donuts while someone was on the top of the, on the hood of the car. We would do donuts in the car.

• 54:50Andrew Santino?

  Alright, well that's, that's like manslaughter.

• 54:52Speaker 07

  And we would hold, well we would hold on to their ankles, we're not animals. But it was, you know, jackass was everything. We would just, we would just do the jack, we would see the jackass. Don't do this at home, don't send us submissions because we're not going to watch him and we're like, I know what they mean. You know, they just want to see a badass one, that's what they're really looking for.

• 55:07Andrew Santino?

  That was a young age I learned about legal, where I was like, they just have to say that, we could do it.

• 55:12Speaker 07

  Exactly, exactly.

• 55:13Andrew Santino?

  Like you knew that you were like, well, we're all trying it. I want to jump into a tree. I remember watching those guys jump out of parking garages like into a buff of a tree.

• 55:19Speaker 07

  Yeah.

• 55:19Andrew Santino?

  And I was like, fuck dude, should we try that?

• 55:21Speaker 07

  Yeah, and that, that hurts so much.

• 55:23Andrew Santino?

  That's the dumbest thing, that's so stupid.

• 55:25Speaker 07

  We did the shopping cart thing where you run.

• 55:26Andrew Santino?

  Oh, we did that bullshit.

• 55:26Speaker 07

  Yeah, yeah, and we did, we tried to drink the gallon of milk in an hour, we all just threw up everywhere.

• 55:30Andrew Santino?

  The shopping cart thing, in retrospect, also. Broken neck, right around the corner.

• 55:34Speaker 07

  Shattered knees.

• 55:35Andrew Santino?

  Right around the corner though, a neck that goes the wrong way.

• 55:37Speaker 07

  It's only metal. It's only metal.

• 55:39Andrew Santino?

  It's only metal dude.

• 55:39Speaker 07

  It's only heavy metal that you're slamming into.

• 55:41Andrew Santino?

  That's like whenever I see those golf cart videos online, people like spinning out in golf carts drunk.

• 55:45Speaker 07

  Oh yeah, when they flip them over.

• 55:46Andrew Santino?

  The amount of people I know that have gotten very hurt drunk doing dumb shit in golf carts. Like dumb fucking shit.

• 55:51Speaker 07

  Oh yeah.

• 55:51Andrew Santino?

  And hurt very fucking bad.

• 55:53Speaker 07

  The whole thing, I mean it's hundreds of pounds landing on it. Did you ever, did you ever have like a rock, like a punk or rock or metal phase or anything like that? I don't feel like.

• 56:01Andrew Santino?

  Rap was it for me. Hip hop. I liked rock a lot. I liked punk for a little while. Rancid, love, big Rancid fan.

• 56:07Speaker 07

  Oh, okay.

• 56:08Andrew Santino?

  And How Come the Wolves, one of the best. NoFX, I liked a lot of that. I liked.

• 56:11Speaker 07

  Okay. Like punk, like pop, no not pop punk, but like punk.

• 56:14Andrew Santino?

  No, that was punk punk. Yeah, that was good. I liked that era for a little while, but it was only because it was parallel to rap in the way where it was like anti-authority.

• 56:22Speaker 07

  Exactly.

• 56:22Andrew Santino?

  Against the grain.

• 56:23Speaker 07

  That's why I got into, I mean Rage Against the Machine and System of a Down.

• 56:26Andrew Santino?

  Fuck yeah, fuck yeah. If it was angry against the thing.

• 56:28Speaker 07

  I just saw System of a Down in corn a couple, a couple of weeks ago.

• 56:29Andrew Santino?

  Where?

• 56:30Speaker 07

  At MetLife Stadium. It was great.

• 56:32Andrew Santino?

  They played together?

• 56:33Speaker 07

  Yeah, they're on tour.

• 56:33Andrew Santino?

  Oh, is that the video of the guy that was jerking off that got knocked out?

• 56:35Speaker 07

  Yep, that was the night before I was there. Yeah, yeah.

• 56:37Andrew Santino?

  Feeny?

• 56:38Speaker 07

  Hey, can't take me down, you know? But it was, it was great. It was so much fun. There was a bunch of comics there. It was just, it was such a fun. I always liked, dude, I was, I got big into corn at one point in my life. I was probably in sixth grade. I got corn shaved in the back of my head. K in the backwards R. You kidding me? People, for years, people were like, was that, are you the corn kid? I'm like, I'm actually Ben Rice. But it was, uh. But, but it was, no, I, I got into Slipknot. Anything I didn't get into, Moshebit into, that was the shit.

• 57:04Andrew Santino?

  What was the?

• 57:04Speaker 07

  The Wall of Death. You ever seen those before?

• 57:06Andrew Santino?

  Oh yeah, those looked so bad.

• 57:07Speaker 07

  Lamb of God, Ozfest, they split the crowd.

• 57:09Andrew Santino?

  So you do that, you were that?

• 57:10Speaker 07

  I was always into that, dude. It was, okay, I remember going to a System of a Down concert at, what was Continental Airlines Arena? And it was, and I remember going to Moshebit, and the Moshebit, System of a Down fans are kind of big football linebacker, you know, just like big. They just pushed, and then you push me and I push you, and you push me and I, like that. And I was going in there with Long Island hardcore scene moves, which is like eagle kicks and like sharp elbow and full, you know, throwing the things. And it was the first time in my life I ever saw guys that were significantly bigger than me be like, whoa, like they backed away from me. Cause they're like, this kid's spazzing out. He's bony and sharp, let's just fucking stay the hell away from him.

• 57:46Andrew Santino?

  The bony sharp kid? Watch out for the bony sharp kid, man.

• 57:49Speaker 07

  You could split, you could split some people open.

• 57:51Andrew Santino?

  Well, yeah, you could, elbows are wild. That's why, whenever I see in like, in UFC fights, elbows, elbows, elbows, my god. Whenever you see that, like a spinning fucking fist or elbow.

• 57:59Speaker 07

  My guy, the guy who teaches at the, at the jiu-jitsu place, they also do Muay Thai there, and they're like, they, they, I can't stress this enough, if you're ever in a fight, they're like, do not punch. Like, the second, the first punch, you will shatter your hand. Almost like, 99% of the time, if you punch somebody, you're gonna break your hand. It's like, elbows, always elbows. And you're like, it's, it's stronger, your elbows are strong, like, you can cut them up, you know?

• 58:22Andrew Santino?

  And so much weight can get behind it.

• 58:24Speaker 07

  So much.

• 58:24Andrew Santino?

  At UFC in Chicago, when I went to go sit behind Rogan, I think it was the first time in UFC history that two back, two knockouts, uh, back-to-back were, not back-to-back, but two spinning knockouts.

• 58:36Speaker 07

  Backwards elbows?

• 58:37Andrew Santino?

  Uh, I don't know if it was, I can't remember if it was fist or elbows, but it was, it was the first time in UFC history. And Rogan was like, I've never seen that twice. That's insane to watch. Cause when you see people throw them and try, you're always like, oh!

• 58:50Speaker 07

  Yeah.

• 58:50Andrew Santino?

  Oh, cause it usually misses, or it clips a little bit, but when it's clean, you're like, oh my god. The sound is insane.

• 58:56Speaker 07

  The sound hurts so much, the, the sound hurts to hear. I remember trying to do Muay Thai for a little bit, and I missed the heavy bag, cause it was like, it moved a little bit, and I just, I like, hyperextended my elbow to it, it hurt for days. Like, if you throw a punch at maximum efficacy and you miss, it's, there, it feels like someone just shot your elbow.

• 59:15Andrew Santino?

  Oh dude, I got the funniest image. I wish, this is such a, this is such a you had to be there moment, but it was beautiful. But I mean, years ago, my buddy Jim, a fight broke out at a birthday party that we were at, uh, at my girlfriend's house, um, apartment, and fucking Jim, Jim, Jim was like, uh, he's a strong dude, it was a hockey player, and like, tough as nails, and a fight breaks out, and this guy hits a friend of his, a guy that I know, who I actually didn't mind seeing get hit. I was like, eh, that guy's not the best, anyway.

• 59:44Speaker 07

  It's kinda fun.

• 59:44Andrew Santino?

  But Jim, like, was trying to defend it, so he jumped, and, and when I mean he like, leapt, he was horizontal to the ground, I'm not kidding at all, dude. Literally, dude, he jumped so hard and far and fast to like get over this thing of people. And he jumped and and he floated. I remember like watching him float like whoa. And he missed this guy by like a foot and bounce, bounce. And it was fucking unreal, dude. I was like, no, Jim. He probably knocked the wood, huh, knocked the wood out of himself. It hurt him so much. Cause he missed by like, it was like a country mile. You're like, fuck, you're nowhere near him, dude.

• 1:00:20Andrew Santino?

  And then they tried to scramble up. They're like, yeah, motherfucker. Like, oh, he bounced and was like, ah, ah, ah. Ah, just moved around until the fight had like moved to somewhere else.

• 1:00:31Andrew Santino?

  And then it was quiet. Then when it was all done, I was like, Jim, are you good, dude? That was so bad. And he's like, wasn't, yeah, fuck that. That sucked. That sucks. And it wasn't even embarrassing. Because we, it was like so shocking to watch. It was like, are you okay? Whoa, dude. You bounced off the fucking, it's like tile floor.

• 1:00:48Andrew Santino?

  You might have broken a rib. Yeah, dude, you, has everything intact? Dude, fights are never, like when they're not sanctioned fights, like an in-person house party fight was always so underwhelming and borderline embarrassing.

• 1:01:01Andrew Santino?

  Embarrassing, it's always embarrassing.

• 1:01:02Andrew Santino?

  It always sounded like someone hitting raw meat. And then the second the first punch, people are, they're just scrambling and running. No one, everyone's taking these wild haymaker swings and missing by a lot.

• 1:01:11Andrew Santino?

  No one has any technique. It's throwing as hard and fast as you can.

• 1:01:13Andrew Santino?

  As hard as you can, holding their breath while doing it. This isn't sexist at all, but go on. Honestly, every time a girl would try to run into one of those things and and gets accidentally punched or hit or put, and you're like, Yeah. What did you think was gonna happen? Yeah. You think you were gonna break it up when two men were like just monkey brain like,

• 1:01:32Andrew Santino?

  you think that was gonna stop by going, guys, cap? It stops right before her hand, like, oh. The amount of times I saw like a young lady jump into it, cut it up, and then get either like clipped or hit or what, you're like, lady. Oh, my god. Clearly that wasn't gonna work out, right? Dude, you just, you just unlocked a memory for me of this kid and and we were at this, we always used to, in college, we used to underage drink at this bar, uh, uh, O'Brien's and and we were, and it was like, dude, it was like I had every, I looked like I was 12 and everybody was in there. And it was Halloween and there was a Halloween party and it got raided.

• 1:02:03Speaker 07

  Like it would once or twice a year. Of course. You know, and this one kid was just hammered and just, you know, jawing at the cops when he shouldn't have. And they were trying to take him out and then the girlfriend said something like, fuck you pig, or like something like that. Fuck you pig. Fuck you pig. Dude, the cop slingshot this guy out of the bar because they got so mad at her that they took it out on him. They slingshot this guy out of the bar. He loses his footing and dude, he goes eyeball first into a parking meter. Oh my god. I heard like the change rattle inside the meter.

• 1:02:41Speaker 07

  And it just looked like crank like that and he, he broke his whole eye socket. Oh yeah. He was just, he was fucked for months after that. And he was so drunk that when he first hit it, he's like, I'm being assaulted. You know, like, you know, when you just have, when you're so drunk that it's just, I, you know, there's so many times that I got carried out of bars with my degenerate Long Island friends that we would go to these, you know, every year for my birthday, I would do a all you could, you know, three hour open bar and we would do shots of Everclear before leaving for the open bar. And then, and then it was, there was one time I fell asleep at a urinal at the, I think it was like Off the Wagon or one of those, you know, like Jake's Dilemma, all of those, you know, college bars. And the bouncer came up to me because I was asleep standing at the urinal and he's like, time to go buddy. And I was pretty like okay about it.

• 1:03:25Speaker 07

  And then I, as I, I remember the only, I probably was browned out, but I remember being in the cab. And like just kinda, you know, when you're so shitfaced in the cab and think everyone's shuttling you around. And I look out the window and as I, the car's driving away, picture this clear today, my best friend from home, one of my friends is in a huge, like in a tumbleweed brawl with security who is four times the size of him and thoroughly kicking his ass. And then another one of my friend is openly pissing into man, into the street. You know, and then I put the window down so I could have that Joker head out the window thing for the whole ride.

• 1:04:01Andrew Santino?

  That image is beautiful.

• 1:04:02Speaker 07

  Some of the best nights of my life. Just getting some fresh air.

• 1:04:06Andrew Santino?

  You throw up, I'm charging you.

• 1:04:08Speaker 00

  Coca-Cola. For the big, for the small, the short, and the tall. Peacemakers, risk takers. For the optimists, pessimists. For long distance love. For introverts and extroverts. The thinkers and the doers. For old friends and new. Coca-Cola. For everyone. Take out some Coca-Cola at a store near you.

• 1:04:37Andrew Santino?

  Don't puke out of the cab, dude.

• 1:04:39Speaker 07

  Don't you puke, don't you puke here. Well then, don't drive so fucking, you know, don't do that.

• 1:04:43Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, herky jerky dude.

• 1:04:44Speaker 07

  It's like, by the way, I'm gonna throw up. I'm gonna throw up.

• 1:04:48Andrew Santino?

  What did you think was gonna happen?

• 1:04:49Speaker 07

  Yeah, don't park outside. Look at me. I got shuttled, I got, I got fucking weekend at Bernie's into this goddamn cab. I'm gonna throw up.

• 1:04:57Andrew Santino?

  What was that, in the guillotine, when that, like the hands are locked in?

• 1:04:59Speaker 07

  Oh, the, uh, what is that one? Oh, god, come on. I had it until you said guillotine.

• 1:05:03Andrew Santino?

  When they throw tomatoes and stuff.

• 1:05:05Speaker 07

  The, the.

• 1:05:07Andrew Santino?

  Why can't I think of the name of that?

• 1:05:08Speaker 07

  Sturge, what is that called?

• 1:05:09Andrew Santino?

  Lock in the stock, in a stockade.

• 1:05:10Speaker 07

  Stockade.

• 1:05:11Andrew Santino?

  We got it, we got it, we got it. When your arms are in a fucking stockade, and you walk out of the car like that, they're like, dude, don't let that this guy down. Dude, that's why, that's why there should be drunk Uber. I think we pitched, did I pitch this on Bad one time? We were talking, there should be blacked out Uber. There absolutely should be, if you're really fucked up.

• 1:05:29Speaker 07

  It does have plastic down in the backseat?

• 1:05:31Andrew Santino?

  And also, and also, it's a little bit more expensive, but they know it's coming.

• 1:05:34Speaker 07

  Right.

• 1:05:35Andrew Santino?

  And it's gonna be annoying, but they're like, that's fine, they're blacked out. But it, but it, but the case would be, it'd be more expensive because it's the driver and there's gotta be someone in the front as well. Cause the driver's gonna need help sometimes.

• 1:05:44Speaker 07

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 1:05:44Andrew Santino?

  Cause sometimes blackouts do insane shit.

• 1:05:46Speaker 07

  Yes, I think it should be almost like a police car.

• 1:05:48Andrew Santino?

  Uber Black, Uber Black hyphen out.

• 1:05:52Andrew Santino?

  You taking Uber Black? I'm getting an Uber Blackout.

• 1:05:55Speaker 07

  Oh, I thought you meant that like, black people weren't allowed in it.

• 1:05:57Andrew Santino?

  What, Fanny, that's on you!

• 1:05:59Speaker 07

  He's like, "Blackout."

• 1:06:00Andrew Santino?

  No, dude, come on. That's the Irish bars that you go to. No, thank you, boys. We're closed for the night.

• 1:06:06Speaker 07

  Yeah, they're like, "It's 6pm."

• 1:06:07Andrew Santino?

  Oh, yeah, that's when we close, 6pm. Is that what it is already?

• 1:06:10Speaker 07

  You want a bit of an early close? I used to love going to McSorley's, you know? And they didn't let women in there till like, you know, 97.

• 1:06:15Andrew Santino?

  Till like, a couple of years ago, yeah. That's bonkers to me. How was that legal?

• 1:06:19Speaker 07

  McSorley's Light, McSorley's Dark, that was the only two things. The sawdust with puke on the ground. It just felt, they were like, "Abraham Lincoln drank here." It was a very...

• 1:06:26Andrew Santino?

  I didn't like the idea that like, two beers, that's it. You're like, "Well, then fuck you." There's like, nine next door.

• 1:06:30Speaker 07

  And they're both this, they're both that. No, no, they give you two at a time. But they're little shotties.

• 1:06:35Andrew Santino?

  What's the one I'm thinking of where they only have two beers?

• 1:06:37Speaker 07

  That is, they only do have, yeah, yeah. They only do have two different kinds of beer. But they'll serve you as many as you want. But the best part is, is they were...

• 1:06:42Andrew Santino?

  I'm saying, I want a variety.

• 1:06:44Speaker 07

  Gotcha, no, no.

• 1:06:45Andrew Santino?

  What if I don't like light fucking beer or dark beer? Like, give me the thing.

• 1:06:47Speaker 07

  McSorley's Light or Dark. That's not why, you're not going there for, you're not going here for this.

• 1:06:51Andrew Santino?

  I'm not going there at all. How about that? How about that, McSorley's? You're not gonna get my business! No, I like variety. I don't like when they make you... That's why Father's Office closed downtown. And I said, "Father's Office is a burger joint here, and they've been around for a long time." And it is a fucking good burger. But they don't let you do substitutions, and it made me...

• 1:07:10Speaker 07

  What do they put on it?

• 1:07:11Andrew Santino?

  I don't even give a fuck.

• 1:07:12Speaker 07

  Is it everything?

• 1:07:13Andrew Santino?

  The idea that I can't change anything is like, fuck you.

• 1:07:14Speaker 07

  But that's what I'm saying, but isn't like, if it's like a loaded burger, and they can't like, everything...

• 1:07:19Andrew Santino?

  No, no, it was like, or if you said like, "I don't like raw tomato."

• 1:07:23Speaker 07

  Right.

• 1:07:23Andrew Santino?

  So, it's like, "Oh, can I get no tomato?" And they're like, "No, no substitutions." You're like, "Well, it's not a substitution, that's just a removal."

• 1:07:27Speaker 07

  A removal, yeah. You're building the burger.

• 1:07:29Andrew Santino?

  Right.

• 1:07:29Speaker 07

  Unless the burger's already made back there.

• 1:07:31Andrew Santino?

  Also, technically, if you're thinking about it from a financial standpoint, I'm actually saving you money.

• 1:07:34Speaker 07

  You're saving money. I'm paying you more money for less product.

• 1:07:37Andrew Santino?

  Bigger margins.

• 1:07:38Speaker 07

  Yeah.

• 1:07:39Andrew Santino?

  Anyway, they closed down, and when they did, a piece of me celebrated, like, "Good."

• 1:07:42Speaker 07

  Of course.

• 1:07:42Andrew Santino?

  Well, no, the other ones are still open. But I was like, "Slowly but surely, they'll learn their lesson."

• 1:07:46Speaker 07

  I'm biding my time. I just keep mentioning it on the podcast.

• 1:07:49Andrew Santino?

  I don't like me giving you money, and then you telling me you can't have it, like... Like, I gave you money for a food, if I go, "Hey, man, I don't really like the taste of this on this plate, but I do like the plate."

• 1:07:57Speaker 07

  Yeah.

• 1:07:58Andrew Santino?

  And you go, "No, that's how we make it." It's like, "Mmm."

• 1:08:00Speaker 07

  Yeah, I'll check with the chef. Is there anything worse, what do you think, when they, when the, it's like such a passive, passive thing when they send the chef out?

• 1:08:06Andrew Santino?

  Ugh.

• 1:08:06Speaker 07

  To be like, "Oh, there's something wrong with that. Hold on, let me get the chef." And the chef comes out, he's like dirty, and he's like, "What's up?" You know, it gets always adversarial.

• 1:08:12Andrew Santino?

  Like, "Nothing, dude. Honestly, I just, I don't really eat this."

• 1:08:15Speaker 07

  Yeah.

• 1:08:16Andrew Santino?

  So I just.

• 1:08:16Speaker 07

  Like, "Well, this is how, everyone loves this." That's what they always come back, "Everyone loves this."

• 1:08:19Andrew Santino?

  I'm not everyone, bud.

• 1:08:20Speaker 07

  Yeah, yeah, I can see that.

• 1:08:23Speaker 07

  And then they go, "All right, I guess, you know, have them send it back."

• 1:08:27Andrew Santino?

  Well, I won't come back to Bennigan's then. And you too will close soon.

• 1:08:31Speaker 07

  Yeah.

• 1:08:32Andrew Santino?

  This chain will no longer exist in a couple of years.

• 1:08:34Speaker 07

  "Are you kidding me? Bennigan's will last forever."

• 1:08:37Andrew Santino?

  Are there any of those left? Bennigan's? They gotta be all closed down. Do you even know what that is?

• 1:08:40Speaker 07

  My buddy used to work in a Bennigan's.

• 1:08:41Andrew Santino?

  Bennigan's was a chain. He was like Chili's. See?

• 1:08:43Speaker 07

  And I got like a Fuddruckers in that world, which also I think closed.

• 1:08:46Andrew Santino?

  Takeoff, gone.

• 1:08:46Speaker 07

  Yeah.

• 1:08:47Andrew Santino?

  No more Bennigan's, no chance.

• 1:08:48Speaker 07

  I was team Chili's over Applebee's, but I also worked in an Applebee's.

• 1:08:51Andrew Santino?

  What are you talking about? Everybody was team Chili's over Applebee's.

• 1:08:53Speaker 07

  Not everybody.

• 1:08:54Andrew Santino?

  Applebee's would never even touch Chili's. Chili's is king.

• 1:08:57Speaker 07

  Chili's is so, so good.

• 1:08:59Andrew Santino?

  Chili's was the best.

• 1:08:59Speaker 07

  I went to Chili's, I went to a Chili's for the first time in years.

• 1:09:01Andrew Santino?

  I wanna go to Chili's right now.

• 1:09:02Speaker 07

  Let's go to fucking Chili's.

• 1:09:03Andrew Santino?

  Dude, I haven't been in so long.

• 1:09:04Speaker 07

  I went for the first time this summer, and I brought my kid there. I was like, "What a unbelievably great experience." By the way, it's, it's like, you could have, you want two appetizers, an entree and a margarita, 19 bucks. And you're like, "Get out of here."

• 1:09:15Andrew Santino?

  Out of here, yeah.

• 1:09:15Speaker 07

  There's no way.

• 1:09:16Andrew Santino?

  A deli sandwich now is 19 dollars.

• 1:09:18Speaker 07

  McDonald's is like 38 dollars.

• 1:09:19Andrew Santino?

  It's a ripoff. How many Bennigan's? The closest one is in Texas. Yeah, they're gone. Well, and then how many Chili's are left in, in, in LA? I know there's one Chili's in Encino. It is like the famous Encino Chili's in the valley here. But there isn't any in the city, I don't think.

• 1:09:32Speaker 07

  Their nachos are, they do one of those things, which I don't generally like, but it's chili, so I'll give them a pass, is they do nachos, but each chip has every ingredient on it.

• 1:09:39Andrew Santino?

  Oh, love.

• 1:09:40Speaker 07

  You know what I mean?

• 1:09:41Andrew Santino?

  Come on.

• 1:09:41Speaker 07

  Yeah.

• 1:09:41Andrew Santino?

  How many? Five Chili's left in Los Angeles?

• 1:09:43Speaker 07

  Hollywood, Burbank, Inglewood, Pico Rivera, Manhattan Beach.

• 1:09:47Andrew Santino?

  Burbank, oh, in Burbank, Burbank, yeah, in downtown Burbank.

• 1:09:49Speaker 07

  Wow.

• 1:09:50Andrew Santino?

  Pico Rivera and Manhattan Beach, what do you mean? Hollywood, there's no Encino, there's gotta be an Encino, or Woodland Hills?

• 1:09:55Speaker 07

  They might not count Encino and Woodland Hills as Los Angeles, on this search.

• 1:09:59Andrew Santino?

  And I don't like to hear that kinda stuff, cuz those guys are our friends too. Just cuz they're mostly Persian, and that's because McConaughey doesn't like that kinda stuff.

• 1:10:06Speaker 07

  Yeah, this is a very Irish, uh, very Irish episode today, you know?

• 1:10:09Andrew Santino?

  As it should be.

• 1:10:10Speaker 07

  You got a little Italian in you, though, you're a little tainted, but my son is Italian and Irish, so that's good.

• 1:10:14Andrew Santino?

  You scumbag, yeah, your wife's Italian, you pig.

• 1:10:16Speaker 07

  Yeah, but you're not full-blood, you can never be a made man in the Irish mafia.

• 1:10:19Andrew Santino?

  Dude, I think about that all the time.

• 1:10:21Speaker 07

  Yeah.

• 1:10:22Andrew Santino?

  No, I couldn't be a made man in the Italian mafia.

• 1:10:23Speaker 07

  In either, in either.

• 1:10:24Andrew Santino?

  Because I'm like, what's his name, uh, uh, I'm like De Niro.

• 1:10:27Speaker 07

  Duval?

• 1:10:28Andrew Santino?

  No.

• 1:10:28Speaker 07

  De Niro was, yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 1:10:29Andrew Santino?

  He was a, he was half a Mick, right? Isn't that the whole deal?

• 1:10:32Speaker 07

  Yep.

• 1:10:33Andrew Santino?

  That's also why he didn't die.

• 1:10:34Speaker 07

  Yep. Interesting.

• 1:10:36Andrew Santino?

  There you go. And I didn't get, I didn't, I didn't.

• 1:10:38Speaker 07

  But also Duval in Godfather. That's what I, yeah, Duval in Godfather, him in Goodfellas.

• 1:10:43Andrew Santino?

  Well, another layer of this, I was also Santino in Godfather.

• 1:10:46Speaker 07

  Sunny. Godfeller or Good, uh, or Goodfellas?

• 1:10:49Andrew Santino?

  Which one's better?

• 1:10:50Speaker 07

  Which one do you choose?

• 1:10:50Andrew Santino?

  Well, generationally, we would always choose Goodfellas, because we grew up with it.

• 1:10:53Speaker 07

  Hundred percent.

• 1:10:54Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, but I mean, my dad would obviously disagree, my dad is God, that's a Godfather era.

• 1:10:58Speaker 07

  I would, I would argue.

• 1:11:00Andrew Santino?

  Casino's better than all of them.

• 1:11:01Speaker 07

  I mean, Casino is great, but I would argue, I think, I would argue Godfather 2 is better than the original. It's one of, one of three sequels ever, that's better than the original, it's that.

• 1:11:10Andrew Santino?

  But Godfather 3 didn't exist.

• 1:11:12Speaker 07

  Right, I've actually never seen Godfather 3.

• 1:11:13Andrew Santino?

  It's awful, it's, it's unwatchable to me.

• 1:11:15Speaker 07

  But that, Terminator 2, Terminator 2, and, it's also controversial. Ace Ventura, When Nature Calls, is better than the original, cuz the original has to set up the bits, the second one just hammers the bits, you get the, you get the Bumblebee tuna, you get the, you get the, all the stuff, you get the, the every, the Rhino scene, of course, you get the Griswold, hit the lights, you know, you get the every, the slinky starts the whole thing, it's.

• 1:11:42Andrew Santino?

  I'm trying to think if that was better than the original, but I don't know.

• 1:11:44Speaker 07

  Ah, ah, ah, it just, it, it's, it's all the jokes in a new place. It's great.

• 1:11:50Andrew Santino?

  Laces out, Dan.

• 1:11:52Speaker 07

  But then that also, I was also so young that I didn't even understand that, like, I didn't understand that till years later.

• 1:11:57Andrew Santino?

  Little did we know, that was just like a trans woman, way ahead of our time in film.

• 1:12:00Speaker 07

  Yeah. And people, he was so.

• 1:12:02Andrew Santino?

  And they were very negative about it.

• 1:12:03Speaker 07

  And he was, he was so disgusted, he burned his clothes and took a shower.

• 1:12:08Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 1:12:10Speaker 07

  But imagine if doing a panel for like the 30th anniversary like Jim, a trans activist here.

• 1:12:16Speaker 07

  He's gotta answer to that.

• 1:12:18Andrew Santino?

  We're all stars in Ether. I haven't been Jim in 20 years.

• 1:12:21Speaker 07

  I'm not even here, man.

• 1:12:23Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, none of us are here.

• 1:12:23Speaker 07

  I'm Andy now. I turned into Andy when we did.

• 1:12:26Andrew Santino?

  That's so funny to have to answer that for all the comedy shit that was so fucked up from back in the day.

• 1:12:30Speaker 07

  So fucked.

• 1:12:31Andrew Santino?

  I mean, like, what, I remember, I think there was a scene, maybe it was Three Men and a Baby. Is that what it was? One of these were like, the joke was like, uh, uh, uh, two guys, two guys is gay, but three guys is like a group of friends. Like, if it's just two guys walking together, like, those guys could be gay. But three, they're like, those boys are going out to have a good time. I don't know if it was that, what, it was like an 80s comedy movie like that.

• 1:12:52Speaker 07

  I mean, that's like a lot of hacks crowd work to this day. We're like, two guys in the, what are you, gay?

• 1:12:57Andrew Santino?

  We're just fucking each other in the butt.

• 1:12:58Speaker 07

  Unbelievable. Still gets laughed somehow. Except sometimes I'll see that in LA. It's like one comic that, again, we'll talk about off here, that I, that I've seen, that I see do that was like, oh, you two, you two guys in together, what are you, gay? And I've watched them, I've watched an audience go, yes.

• 1:13:13Andrew Santino?

  Yeah.

• 1:13:14Speaker 07

  And then, and then he's like, ah, like, you see, there's nowhere to go. It's like, absolutely. And if they are?

• 1:13:20Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, what are you gonna do?

• 1:13:21Speaker 07

  Yeah.

• 1:13:22Andrew Santino?

  And what are you gonna do about it?

• 1:13:23Speaker 07

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 1:13:24Andrew Santino?

  Ban you from the club?

• 1:13:26Speaker 07

  Right.

• 1:13:26Andrew Santino?

  To what do you guys, the what do you guys gay thing is good. That, it's funnier to say that to a, a straight couple. You see a man and a woman, like, what is this? What are you two, gay or something?

• 1:13:34Speaker 07

  I, I've also, it's also, it's a loaded thing when you, cause it's a, it's a nuke if there's two women together and you go, lesbians? And then they're just like, that could be a, that's a, it never works because if they are, they're, they're.

• 1:13:46Andrew Santino?

  I always say sad widows. I always say that.

• 1:13:49Speaker 07

  No, I never, I don't ever do fucking crowd work. It's so funny. Yeah, I've never, I've never seen you post a crowd work clip of in your life.

• 1:13:55Andrew Santino?

  I don't really. I don't, I don't know what it is. I don't care. I like to do it sometimes.

• 1:14:00Speaker 07

  I love doing, I love doing it, but I don't, I don't, I'm not like, I just came up in those rooms where they were ambush shows and barked in shows. And if you didn't have something, our jokes were so bad that, that, that young in comedy, that if you didn't have that skill to, and it was always like the Village Lantern in the West Village. It was literally like Schultz and Akash. And myself and a bunch of other comics that if you didn't constantly be like, hey, pay fucking attention, you know, like that. If you didn't have a thing, then they would, they would just.

• 1:14:27Andrew Santino?

  Distracted.

• 1:14:27Speaker 07

  They would tune out or just be talking full volume.

• 1:14:30Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, I like doing crowd work sometimes. I just don't want to give them too much space where then they think like they're going to be part of the show for the rest of the show. So then everyone of your other comics.

• 1:14:36Speaker 07

  I don't like when the host does only crowd work. I hate that because then everybody else after that.

• 1:14:41Andrew Santino?

  I have a rule. I have a rule when I have people open for me. Just do material. That's it.

• 1:14:44Speaker 07

  Love that.

• 1:14:45Andrew Santino?

  Just do material. That's it.

• 1:14:46Speaker 07

  Love that for you.

• 1:14:47Andrew Santino?

  I always say that, just do material, man, because that's the thing that's going to build your comedy career. So when I have someone open, I go, just do material, man.

• 1:14:52Speaker 07

  A hundred percent.

• 1:14:53Andrew Santino?

  Were you writing? And they're like, yeah. And it's like, well, then do that.

• 1:14:55Speaker 07

  And there's nothing worse than when the, the host or like the feature will talk to every, the first four rows, just like leave no, no meat left on the bone and murder with it. And then you go out and you try to do jokes and they're like.

• 1:15:07Andrew Santino?

  Not for me.

• 1:15:07Speaker 07

  Birthday!

• 1:15:08Andrew Santino?

  I do just material too usually, so I don't really want to have to talk to them because they've been talked to already.

• 1:15:13Speaker 07

  Right.

• 1:15:13Andrew Santino?

  So I always say to features and hosts, I'm like, just do great material. That's it. If somebody yells out retort, but I'm always like, just do great material.

• 1:15:18Speaker 07

  Killed at the Beacon, by the way.

• 1:15:19Andrew Santino?

  Oh, my thanks.

• 1:15:21Speaker 07

  I know you wouldn't, I know you wouldn't want me saying that.

• 1:15:22Andrew Santino?

  It's very nice of you. I love you so much.

• 1:15:23Speaker 07

  Never say this to your face, but you're a great comic and a terrific man.

• 1:15:26Andrew Santino?

  That's going to wrap up the episode before I get too anxious. We're going to go have a beer. Uh, Feeny, I love you to death. Feeny, you want to plug anything?

• 1:15:32Speaker 07

  Sure. I have a podcast called Co-host Wanted, where every single week I sit down.

• 1:15:37Andrew Santino?

  Which we talked about at the Beacon.

• 1:15:38Speaker 07

  At the Beacon, you were the one that gave me the green light to be like, you should do that. That's a great fucking idea. And every single week I interview someone to be the permanent co-host of the show. And, um, you know, uh, your application's still on file, but you know, we'll, we'll get to you.

• 1:15:49Andrew Santino?

  I'm going to get to you.

• 1:15:50Speaker 07

  But it's, um, it's great. And you can check it out on my youtube.com/mikefinicomedy, uh, tour dates, mikefinicomedy.com and social media. And I am Mike Finney. Come see a show live. That'd be great.

• 1:15:59Andrew Santino?

  Go see a show. I always say that. I've said that a lot, but please go see live comedy. We, this is the only thing we actually love doing is doing live comedy. Taping stuff is fun. Pods are fun. Blah, blah, blah. Go see a live show. You're going to like the guy more live than you did on this and he might do more coke live, dude.

• 1:16:15Andrew Santino?

  We end the show the same way. Look into that camera. One word or one phrase.

• 1:16:18Speaker 07

  What do you mean?

• 1:16:18Andrew Santino?

  Say one word or one phrase into that camera.

• 1:16:21Speaker 07

  Okay.

• 1:16:21Andrew Santino?

  End the episode.

• 1:16:23Speaker 07

  Man, that feels like a lot of pressure all of a sudden.

• 1:16:25Andrew Santino?

  Well, you're good at it.

• 1:16:27Speaker 07

  Choke on it bitch.

• 1:16:28Speaker 05

  In here.

• 1:16:29Speaker 07

  Dude!

• 1:16:29Speaker 05

  We pour whiskey.

• 1:16:31Speaker 07

  Oh!

• 1:16:31Speaker 05

  Whiskey, whiskey, whiskey.

• 1:16:33Speaker 04

  Oh, that creature in the ginger beard!

• 1:16:36Speaker 05

  It's sturdy and ginger.

• 1:16:37Speaker 04

  Like vampires, the ginger gene is a curse.

• 1:16:40Speaker 06

  Gingers are beautiful.

• 1:16:41Speaker 05

  You owe me five dollars for the whiskey and seventy-five dollars for the horse.

• 1:16:45Speaker 06

  Ginger's? Aw hell no! This whiskey is excellent. Ginger. I like gingers.