Kerryn Feehan

Andrew Santino sits down with comedian, writer, and podcaster Kerryn Feehan for a sharp, unfiltered conversation about stand-up, dating chaos, internet backlash, and leaning all the way into your comedic voice. They talk about Kerryn’s brand-new stand-up special Kerryn Feehan: Don’t Serve Me, finding confidence onstage, dealing with online noise, and why honesty in comedy still scares people more than it should. 🎥 Watch Kerryn’s new special: Don’t Serve Me 👉 https://of.tv/v/ryedu 🎧 Check out Kerryn’s podcast “OnlyFeehans” 📱 Follow Kerryn Feehan: https://www.instagram.com/kerrynfeehan In this episode: • Breaking down Don’t Serve Me and how the hour came together • The difference between being provocative and being honest • Santino & Kerryn swap stories about crowds, critics, and confidence • Why comedy careers rarely look the way you planned them Drop a comment with your favorite moment from Kerryn’s special. #whiskeyginger #AndrewSantino #KerrynFeehan #DontServeMe #ComedyPodcast #StandUpComedy #PodcastClips #Comedians ========================================================== Sponsor Whiskey Ginger: https://public.liveread.io/media-kit/whiskeyginger SUPPORT OUR SPONSORS SQUARESPACE GET 10% OFF YOUR ORDER ⁠https://squarespace.com/whiskey⁠ 1800FLOWERS GET 40% OFF CHRISTMAS BEST SELLERS! https://1800flowers.com/whiskey ======================================================== Follow Andrew Santino: https://www.instagram.com/cheetosantino/ https://twitter.com/CheetoSantino Follow Whiskey Ginger: https://www.instagram.com/whiskeygingerpodcast https://twitter.com/whiskeygingerpodcast Produced and edited by Joe Faria https://www.instagram.com/itsjoefaria Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Speaker names marked ? are inferred from speaking time and the show’s known hosts — they are not voice-verified.

• 0:00Speaker 00

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• 0:30Speaker 01

  Coca-Cola. For the big, for the small, the short, and the tall. Peacemakers, risk takers. For the optimists, pessimists. For long-distance love. For introverts and extroverts. The thinkers and the doers. For old friends and new. Coca-Cola. For everyone. Pick up some Coca-Cola at a store near you.

• 1:00Andrew Santino?

  What up, Whiskey Ginger fans? Welcome back to the show. If it's your first time joining the show, welcome to the show. We got a good one for you today, like my man Steve Harvey done say. Do me a favor, leave a comment down below for the Al Go Rhythm. Next year is a big year for the Whiskey Ginger. We're expanding, hopefully we're getting bigger and better guests. Comment down below who you want to see on the show. Also, I'm running around the country. Come see me, andrewsantino.com for those tickets. I'm in Windsor, Ontario, Canada, Bethlehem, PA, Hanover, Maryland, Borgata, Atlantic City, New Jersey. Then I'm at Valley Center, which is basically down by San Diego at the Harris. Then I'm in Canyonville, Oregon, Las Vegas, and then the Little Roadie Fest in Providence, Rhode Island. And also, we're going to put up the tickets for Netflix Is A Joke with me and Bobby Lee coming up soon. Go to andrewsantino.com for those tickets. Andrew Santino.com.

• 1:44Speaker 03

  In here, we pour whiskey, whiskey, whiskey, whiskey, whiskey.

• 1:49Speaker 04

  Who are that creature in the ginger beard?

• 1:51Speaker 05

  Sturdy and ginger.

• 1:53Speaker 04

  Like vampires, the ginger gene is a curse.

• 1:55Speaker 05

  Gingers are beautiful. You owe me $5 for the whiskey, $75 for the horse.

• 2:01Speaker 06

  Ginger's all hell no. This whiskey is excellent. Ginger. I like gingers.

• 2:08Andrew Santino?

  Ladies and gentlemen, welcome back to Whiskey Gator. My guest today is one of my favorite people. I know that I say that wrong. My guest, what I mean once again today, it's Karen Feehan.

• 2:13Speaker 07

  I like it.

• 2:14Andrew Santino?

  And she's starving, by the way. She was hitting on McConaughey's gone.

• 2:18Speaker 07

  I can't ask a young lad where he's off to?

• 2:21Andrew Santino?

  He's off to work. We have to send those guys to work. If they don't work, if they don't work, they get complacent and lazy. You know this generation?

• 2:28Speaker 07

  Of course.

• 2:29Andrew Santino?

  You know these kids?

• 2:30Speaker 07

  I know these kids. They smoke 10 blunts a day.

• 2:32Andrew Santino?

  He doesn't do drugs.

• 2:33Speaker 07

  Oh, he's so cute.

• 2:34Andrew Santino?

  You like him, don't you?

• 2:35Speaker 07

  I do. His eyes, that eye color is really nice.

• 2:39Andrew Santino?

  He's a cute little boy. Yeah, he's a cute little boy. That's why I keep him around.

• 2:41Speaker 07

  Yeah.

• 2:42Andrew Santino?

  I keep him around because women and men both are attracted to him. And I think it helps the rapport.

• 2:48Speaker 07

  Yeah, it makes, it puts everybody at ease.

• 2:50Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, aren't you more comfortable now?

• 2:51Speaker 07

  I'm very comfortable.

• 2:52Andrew Santino?

  You're so fucking tan.

• 2:54Speaker 07

  Yeah, I knew you were gonna comment on my tan.

• 2:55Andrew Santino?

  Why are you so tan?

• 2:56Speaker 07

  Why are you so see-through?

• 2:57Andrew Santino?

  Well, this is how God, this is how God made me.

• 3:00Speaker 07

  Yeah, see, I, this is how God improved me.

• 3:02Andrew Santino?

  Oh my God. This is fabricated from the.

• 3:05Speaker 07

  You could have a stronger solar callus if you worked on it. You're gonna get skin cancer because you're not even trying.

• 3:12Andrew Santino?

  You're 100% gonna get skin cancer before me.

• 3:13Speaker 07

  No way. Because of my solar callus, Google it, I'm never gonna get melanoma. I have created a resilient layer that will not allow melanoma to enter my epidermis.

• 3:26Andrew Santino?

  You are quite callous, I will say that. Wait, you.

• 3:30Speaker 07

  A wordsmith.

• 3:30Andrew Santino?

  You're Irish?

• 3:31Speaker 07

  100% Irish, black Irish.

• 3:33Andrew Santino?

  My friend, you are gonna get cancer.

• 3:34Speaker 07

  Your last name confuses me so much.

• 3:36Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, well, two people like each other that come from different backgrounds.

• 3:40Speaker 07

  No.

• 3:40Andrew Santino?

  Have to teach you about biology?

• 3:41Speaker 07

  No.

• 3:42Andrew Santino?

  My father's Sicilian, my mother's Irish, and that's why I'm 6'1" and a leprechaun. I'm the biggest leprechaun you've ever seen.

• 3:48Speaker 07

  Your last name is supposed to be like Shaughnessy or Ohannigan or, you know.

• 3:53Andrew Santino?

  You sound like an old woman on the plane sitting next to me. You're a Santino? How could this be?

• 3:58Speaker 07

  I don't understand.

• 4:00Andrew Santino?

  Now, what happens in Chicago is when you're mad at your father, you sleep with the biggest Italian you can find.

• 4:04Speaker 07

  Oh, your mom's one of those.

• 4:06Andrew Santino?

  An Irish renegade.

• 4:07Speaker 07

  I love her.

• 4:08Andrew Santino?

  A little Irish. I'm sure it's every aunt you have.

• 4:10Speaker 07

  Wild one. Yeah, no, we kept it Irish. Everybody's Irish in my family.

• 4:14Andrew Santino?

  No one dipped out, huh?

• 4:15Speaker 07

  No, we're all freaking freckled or, you know.

• 4:18Andrew Santino?

  You gotta be the darkest Irish person in your family, though. There's no chance. This is as dark as I've ever seen an Irish person.

• 4:22Speaker 07

  My mom. If you look at pictures of my mom from like the 70s.

• 4:25Andrew Santino?

  Oh, I've got pictures of your mom.

• 4:26Speaker 07

  I bet you do, you dirty bird.

• 4:29Andrew Santino?

  Mrs. Fian, come get me, baby.

• 4:32Speaker 07

  My mom used to fry, fry in the sun.

• 4:35Andrew Santino?

  But this is no fake, this is all sun.

• 4:37Speaker 07

  No, this is real. I was in Santa Monica today, just me and the trash that attends that fucking coast.

• 4:42Andrew Santino?

  Don't go over there. I just said that to Victoria on the way out. I said, why are you over on the west side? No, we don't do that. We don't go to the beach, we just like to know it's there.

• 4:49Speaker 07

  Yeah, you guys, like, and I'm, I did a little apartment swap, and at this apartment, the pool is there, but it's in jail. There's no seating around it, it's just fence. I've never seen anyone enter it.

• 5:00Andrew Santino?

  Who's apartment did you swap with, a comic?

• 5:01Speaker 07

  Yeah, I don't wanna throw her business out there.

• 5:03Andrew Santino?

  Oh, okay, that's fine. I mean, you're not giving away her address.

• 5:05Speaker 07

  No, no, I know, but she might, she seems a little private to me. I don't care, you can know exactly where I live.

• 5:11Andrew Santino?

  Yeah.

• 5:11Speaker 07

  In Manhattan.

• 5:12Andrew Santino?

  You put her address right here, down below. This is it. Are you in Battery Park?

• 5:16Speaker 07

  Yeah.

• 5:16Andrew Santino?

  Oh, you really?

• 5:17Speaker 07

  The most desirable zip code in Manhattan.

• 5:18Andrew Santino?

  How long have you been there?

• 5:19Speaker 07

  Almost five years.

• 5:21Andrew Santino?

  Have you ever seen that guy that does, how long have you been in New York City? Have you seen this guy on the internet?

• 5:24Speaker 07

  Wait, is he Asian?

• 5:25Andrew Santino?

  No, no, he's like a rush Eastern European. He's like, how long have you been in New York City? How much do you spend every day living in New York City?

• 5:30Speaker 07

  Oh, no.

• 5:31Andrew Santino?

  You've never seen this guy?

• 5:32Speaker 07

  Like, on the internet.

• 5:33Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, he's so funny.

• 5:33Speaker 07

  Yeah.

• 5:34Andrew Santino?

  How, and how long are you visiting New York City? And they're like, a week, and he's like, how lo, how much money will you spend a week in New York City? It's my favorite. Cause New York is the greatest variable of finances. People will go there and they'll spend an absurd amount of money. Cause New York is never, it's, there's nothing, you can't have a day in New York, uh, on the cheap, it's impossible.

• 5:53Speaker 07

  I did it. I lived in Brooklyn. I lived on a bagel a day.

• 5:57Andrew Santino?

  In the city, in the city, in the city. You're gonna get ripped off everywhere you go in the city.

• 6:00Speaker 07

  Well, you gotta learn how to negotiate. I did, this guy admitted-

• 6:03Andrew Santino?

  What are you using to negotiate?

• 6:05Speaker 07

  My tight pussy.

• 6:06Andrew Santino?

  How much is the bagel? How much is that bagel?

• 6:10Speaker 07

  A guy admitted to trying to scam me at the farmer's market in Battery Park a couple of weeks ago. Cause I was paying with cash and he was giving me the wrong change. I was like, I gave you a 20. And he goes, yeah, I was, I was trying to scam you.

• 6:21Andrew Santino?

  Whoa.

• 6:22Speaker 07

  It's like, me? My guy, I'm a numbers girl.

• 6:24Andrew Santino?

  But that's really nice that he told you.

• 6:26Speaker 07

  That he admitted it?

• 6:27Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, I was trying to rip you off.

• 6:28Speaker 07

  Yeah.

• 6:29Andrew Santino?

  You were like, I got you, babe. He's like, alright. You got me. You call you got me. That's nice. He admits the mistake. He goes, look, I'm gonna get somebody else. So have a good day.

• 6:37Speaker 07

  Right.

• 6:38Andrew Santino?

  Didn't he give you anything for free?

• 6:39Speaker 07

  No, he should have though, right?

• 6:41Andrew Santino?

  What was it like? So where were you buying strawberries or something?

• 6:43Speaker 07

  This was, he was a meat guy. I was getting cured meats.

• 6:46Andrew Santino?

  Ooh, you cured meat girl?

• 6:48Speaker 07

  Oh, I'm a butcher box girl. I love meat.

• 6:50Andrew Santino?

  Oh, you like it delivered at the door?

• 6:51Speaker 07

  Uh, yeah. I like all my steaks.

• 6:53Andrew Santino?

  Big beef girl, huh?

• 6:54Speaker 07

  I love it. Get my protein.

• 6:56Andrew Santino?

  Well, you talk, I know you were hitting on Mccone 20 minutes ago.

• 6:58Speaker 07

  Yeah.

• 6:58Andrew Santino?

  Someone's looking for protein. You're on, you're on, you were on the move, aren't you?

• 7:02Speaker 07

  I'll suck his blood. Who needs collagen? What, you can just keep fucking 26 year olds?

• 7:07Andrew Santino?

  26 year old men? Yeah. I'm interested in 26 year old guys too. That's why I keep them really around.

• 7:12Speaker 07

  They keep you young.

• 7:12Andrew Santino?

  That's my little secret. Yeah. Keeps me young. Where are you born though?

• 7:16Speaker 07

  Massachusetts. I grew up in Marshfield, Marsh Vegas.

• 7:20Andrew Santino?

  You'll never go back?

• 7:22Speaker 07

  Uh, to live?

• 7:23Andrew Santino?

  Yeah.

• 7:23Speaker 07

  No.

• 7:24Andrew Santino?

  Never go back to Mass. You'll live in New York till you're dead?

• 7:26Speaker 07

  Yeah.

• 7:27Andrew Santino?

  Probably, huh?

• 7:27Speaker 07

  Yeah. I would buy property in Massachusetts. I would buy a house on the Cape.

• 7:31Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, Cape is, I mean, come on.

• 7:33Speaker 07

  That's where my parents live.

• 7:34Andrew Santino?

  Really?

• 7:34Speaker 07

  My dad bartends on the ferry that goes from Hyannis to Nantucket and he talked himself onto the new Jennifer Garner movie. I have a picture. I'll, I'll show you.

• 7:43Andrew Santino?

  What, he just bullied his way on?

• 7:44Speaker 07

  Literally.

• 7:45Andrew Santino?

  That's amazing.

• 7:45Speaker 07

  He's incredible. He has selfies with her. My dad's 72. He does not know how to take selfies. Jennifer Garner had to take the selfie.

• 7:52Andrew Santino?

  Wow.

• 7:52Speaker 07

  Yeah.

• 7:53Andrew Santino?

  I actually respect your father so much.

• 7:54Speaker 07

  He's awesome.

• 7:55Andrew Santino?

  And your parents are still married?

• 7:56Speaker 07

  They are 47 years.

• 7:57Andrew Santino?

  Not real.

• 7:58Speaker 07

  I know. They hate each other, but yeah.

• 8:00Andrew Santino?

  Oh, yeah. And they should. Catholic?

• 8:02Speaker 07

  Yeah. Irish Catholic.

• 8:03Andrew Santino?

  Good for you.

• 8:04Speaker 07

  Your parents too?

• 8:05Andrew Santino?

  My parents are definitely not still together. That's why I'm a successful comedian.

• 8:08Speaker 07

  That's why I'm failing.

• 8:09Andrew Santino?

  Fucking out of your mind.

• 8:09Speaker 07

  Too much love.

• 8:10Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, dude, you're way too much support. Your parents like you? No, they're, my mother's remarried. Wonderful man. My father is, is single man now. Single.

• 8:20Speaker 07

  Okay.

• 8:20Andrew Santino?

  Doing his own thing.

• 8:21Speaker 07

  But does he have any interest in?

• 8:23Andrew Santino?

  No, I don't think so. I think he's been through the wringer enough.

• 8:24Speaker 07

  Hmm.

• 8:25Andrew Santino?

  You know what I mean? He's done the thing. He did the thing again and then he was like, this is.

• 8:29Speaker 07

  I'm out.

• 8:30Andrew Santino?

  That's my thing is I'm married and if this, if this is it, this is it. I think it's a, I think marriage is a one and done. It doesn't mean you can't find love again, but I don't know if you'd wanna get married again.

• 8:37Speaker 07

  Yeah.

• 8:37Andrew Santino?

  Like I have a friend who's going through it right now. He's about to get remarried.

• 8:40Speaker 07

  Okay.

• 8:42Speaker 07

  Really? What's his name? What's his address?

• 8:44Andrew Santino?

  Put his name up right here and his home address. No, it's just one of those things where you're like-

• 8:47Speaker 07

  It's a business deal.

• 8:49Andrew Santino?

  But it's more so, it's like you don't need to do it again. You're, we're both, everyone's in their 40s now, so you're like, you don't need to do, they don't need, no one needs that. You need, girls kinda want it when they're young the most, like they want the idyllic wedding. But I think in your 40s, when you've been through it, I was like, you don't really need to do that dance again, do you? You've already been to that restaurant.

• 9:05Speaker 07

  Right.

• 9:05Andrew Santino?

  The food wasn't that good.

• 9:06Speaker 07

  Yeah.

• 9:07Andrew Santino?

  Just, take it to go.

• 9:08Speaker 07

  Take it to go!

• 9:09Andrew Santino?

  Take it to go.

• 9:10Speaker 07

  Eat it in front of the TV.

• 9:10Andrew Santino?

  Eat it in front of the TV like you need it, dude. That's true. It is true. I, I mean, I, I don't know, everyone has a different viewpoint on it, but whenever friends of mine go second round, I'm always like, just, just, just stay in love and be a, what is it? Uh, we were talking earlier about that Paul Thomas Anderson movie. One battle after another. Did you watch that?

• 9:31Speaker 07

  I haven't seen it yet.

• 9:32Andrew Santino?

  So good.

• 9:32Speaker 07

  Everybody's talking about it. I almost went last night.

• 9:34Andrew Santino?

  I was Googling him, PTA, and he's been with Maya Rudolph for like 20 some odd years.

• 9:39Speaker 07

  Okay.

• 9:39Andrew Santino?

  Partner, not even married.

• 9:40Speaker 07

  Wow, I love Maya Rudolph too.

• 9:42Andrew Santino?

  Isn't that great though?

• 9:42Speaker 07

  They're having a great time.

• 9:43Andrew Santino?

  She's the coolest. They got a bunch of kids and they just live free and they're not doing the marriage thing.

• 9:47Speaker 07

  Yeah.

• 9:47Andrew Santino?

  Smart dude.

• 9:48Speaker 07

  That is smart. I, when I think of like guys getting divorced and then remarried, all I think of is all the money they're probably shelling out.

• 9:54Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, but I mean, I, I think if the pain is real enough, they don't care about the what, they don't care about it. They're like, whatever, money is, money's fake.

• 10:00Speaker 07

  Yeah.

• 10:00Andrew Santino?

  Money's not real.

• 10:01Speaker 07

  Oh, I know.

• 10:02Andrew Santino?

  As rich as you are.

• 10:03Speaker 07

  No, I know. You should see all the Labubus my niece has been working me for. She's getting-

• 10:07Andrew Santino?

  Do you, do you do that? You buy them?

• 10:08Speaker 07

  I don't like the chokehold that China has on our youth. I'm not happy about the participation, but I'm in.

• 10:13Andrew Santino?

  I for one love it, China. Thank you so much. Keep, keep killing us. That's my favorite thing, dude.

• 10:17Speaker 07

  I can't stop. She's so cute. She does little unboxing videos for me. I'm supposed to stop sending her Labubus?

• 10:23Andrew Santino?

  How old is she?

• 10:24Speaker 07

  I don't know.

• 10:26Andrew Santino?

  How old is my niece? No clue. How much is a Labubu? How much are those things?

• 10:30Speaker 07

  They're like, with shipping, like 50 bucks.

• 10:32Andrew Santino?

  Oh, that's, okay. In my mind, I thought they were like hundreds of dollars.

• 10:35Speaker 07

  Well, if you're seven of 10. Here's the thing, there's like, if, if you buy a lot of them, you, your chances of finding the secret Labubu go up. And those things allegedly resell for like 500 bucks.

• 10:48Andrew Santino?

  The, what, what makes it secret?

• 10:49Speaker 07

  It's like an ugly color. It's like a different color than it's advertised. Yeah, I have a friend who's doing a full-on pyramid scheme out of her apartment. Like, she's, she's buying in bulk and then selling to us.

• 11:01Andrew Santino?

  Genius.

• 11:01Speaker 07

  She's pretty smart.

• 11:02Andrew Santino?

  Is this the girl's house that you're living at? This is the apartment swap?

• 11:04Speaker 07

  No, no, no, this is in New York.

• 11:06Andrew Santino?

  House full of LaBoobos? Isn't this just Beanie Baby 2.0?

• 11:09Speaker 07

  A hundred percent.

• 11:10Andrew Santino?

  Brilliant.

• 11:10Speaker 07

  I was a trolls girl. I had a collection of trolls.

• 11:13Andrew Santino?

  Troll dolls?

• 11:14Speaker 07

  Yes.

• 11:14Andrew Santino?

  But they weren't worth money, though?

• 11:15Speaker 07

  Nothing.

• 11:16Andrew Santino?

  Not like this?

• 11:16Speaker 07

  I was an idiot.

• 11:17Andrew Santino?

  Right, this is kinda like baseball cards. We were baseball cards trolls. But now there's money in it. Baseball cards, I guess there was a little bit when we were kids. Now there's like a trading faction to it that's worth actual...

• 11:27Speaker 07

  Apparently you have to like watch for the drop and they only sell the LaBoobos at certain times and they're making a finite number.

• 11:33Andrew Santino?

  And how do you know you're getting a real LaBoobu? And aren't there so many knockoffs? There's gotta be a million that are fake.

• 11:37Speaker 07

  Yeah, LaFufus they're selling. But I think you know, there's like an authentication protocol.

• 11:42Andrew Santino?

  How would you know if you're getting the real one? What would be the difference?

• 11:44Speaker 07

  I don't fucking know.

• 11:45Andrew Santino?

  It's almost like those sneakers, you know? People get like the fake sneakers of the popular whatever. Like a Travis Scott's, they make the fake ones. They look identical, they feel the same.

• 11:52Speaker 07

  I know.

• 11:52Andrew Santino?

  They're made in the same factory.

• 11:53Speaker 07

  Yeah, it's like bags too, but like I can tell a fake bag.

• 11:56Andrew Santino?

  You would know, wouldn't you?

• 11:58Speaker 07

  Yeah.

• 11:58Andrew Santino?

  Are you a big bag girl?

• 11:59Speaker 07

  I got into bags a little bit. I got a few Louis. I like the Louis Vuittons, I like the Guccis, I like the Pradas.

• 12:06Andrew Santino?

  That's expensive shit.

• 12:07Speaker 07

  Yeah, I know, but they're so cute and they're so special.

• 12:10Andrew Santino?

  To you, because they have a story?

• 12:13Speaker 07

  Yeah, the antisemitism really sings to me.

• 12:19Andrew Santino?

  You know I love it, girl.

• 12:22Andrew Santino?

  The antisemitism sings to me. That's why you drive a Mercedes.

• 12:25Speaker 07

  I can't drive. I can drive?

• 12:27Andrew Santino?

  You don't have a license, do you?

• 12:28Speaker 07

  I guess technically, no.

• 12:30Andrew Santino?

  Most of my friends in New York don't have a license.

• 12:31Speaker 07

  But I could if I wanted to. Like it would take me like maybe a month or two to like figure that out.

• 12:36Andrew Santino?

  Did you have a car when you were in Mass?

• 12:37Speaker 07

  Yeah.

• 12:37Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, but then when you moved to the city, you never had a car?

• 12:39Speaker 07

  Yeah, why bother?

• 12:40Andrew Santino?

  God, it's so funny to think like none of you guys have cars.

• 12:42Speaker 07

  And you guys just drive around all day. Where are you going? Sitting in traffic.

• 12:45Andrew Santino?

  Can I tell you how good it feels to sit and listen to music in your car, though? It's like a thing, I remember from high school how much I loved that.

• 12:50Speaker 07

  Yeah.

• 12:50Andrew Santino?

  And when I, I don't mind traffic. Traffic is kind of a, I think traffic is kind of like a social lie. We pretend as if it's a big bother. It's really not. If you just don't care, it doesn't matter, it doesn't exist.

• 13:00Speaker 07

  It's so isolating, though.

• 13:01Andrew Santino?

  No.

• 13:01Speaker 07

  You're alone in these little boxes.

• 13:03Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, but we're with people all the time.

• 13:04Speaker 07

  Yeah.

• 13:05Andrew Santino?

  Well, I mean, you're probably more alone than I am, just because people don't like you as a whole.

• 13:09Speaker 07

  Now you're being helpful. We were trying to be nice.

• 13:11Andrew Santino?

  I take it back, I take it back, I take it back, I take it back. I don't wanna start it. I don't wanna start it. No, but you live alone.

• 13:17Speaker 07

  I do.

• 13:17Andrew Santino?

  Okay, so that's, that is part of the thing of like, oh, I don't want to be alone again in a car. I, I have a wife, I'm always with people.

• 13:23Speaker 07

  Oh, you want to get away from her?

• 13:24Andrew Santino?

  No, not her, but I'm always here at the studio with all these fucking people. I'm with people all the time.

• 13:28Speaker 07

  Yeah.

• 13:29Andrew Santino?

  So whether it's the staff, or at our other studio, I'm always doing something, or at shows, or at a meeting, or if... So then when I'm in my car, I'm like, oh, this is nice, this is just me.

• 13:37Speaker 07

  Me, solo, moving meditation. I just prefer the solo moving meditation, like, outside with my dog in the morning, not in a little box.

• 13:45Andrew Santino?

  What's his name?

• 13:46Speaker 07

  Mabel is her name, and she's elite.

• 13:48Andrew Santino?

  Let her choose.

• 13:49Speaker 07

  I miss her so much.

• 13:50Andrew Santino?

  What kind of dog is it?

• 13:51Speaker 07

  She's an 80-pound German Shepherd lab mix.

• 13:53Andrew Santino?

  Couldn't bring her, that's too much.

• 13:55Speaker 07

  What was I gonna do?

• 13:56Andrew Santino?

  Who watches? Which comic?

• 13:57Speaker 07

  Oh, I send her to camp, because she can be a little bit of a problem. She hates doodles and French Bulldogs, so we send her to camp with the other big dogs.

• 14:04Andrew Santino?

  Does she bite dogs?

• 14:06Speaker 07

  She's maybe had a couple altercations. You know, we got her a little e-collar, we worked on it, she's better now.

• 14:12Andrew Santino?

  Send her to camp, man, you are antisemitic, Jesus Christ. Keep lining it up.

• 14:16Speaker 07

  She's a German Shepherd.

• 14:17Andrew Santino?

  German Shepherd, send her to camp, I see, well, she's working, obviously.

• 14:22Speaker 07

  She goes to a camp with this chick named Ebony, who I love. Every time I put her in the van, it just reeks of weed, I don't give a shit. I'm like, please get rip-roaring high and play with my dog.

• 14:31Andrew Santino?

  Hell yeah.

• 14:31Speaker 07

  All week.

• 14:31Andrew Santino?

  Do you get high?

• 14:33Speaker 07

  I have, I used, I, well, I kind of don't anymore. I'm lame, I have nothing.

• 14:37Andrew Santino?

  Getting high and playing with the dog is something special, though. No booze either.

• 14:40Speaker 07

  Mm-mm.

• 14:41Andrew Santino?

  Yeah.

• 14:42Speaker 07

  I have a tattoo that says, "Don't serve me," on my arm.

• 14:45Andrew Santino?

  Because of All Those Dark Nights?

• 14:48Andrew Santino?

  No, I'm talking about the guys that you dated, those Dark Nights that you... Stop it, dude.

• 14:51Speaker 07

  Dark Nights in shiny armor.

• 14:53Andrew Santino?

  Dark Nights in shiny armor. Ebony, Ebony, is Ebony a black girl?

• 14:55Speaker 07

  Good guess.

• 14:56Andrew Santino?

  But I mean, come on, why, though, the name? It's like me being called White Santino.

• 15:00Speaker 07

  Double entendre.

• 15:01Andrew Santino?

  Why, why be Ebony? Ebony is, it's, it's, it's a beautiful name.

• 15:05Speaker 07

  Yeah.

• 15:05Andrew Santino?

  But it is weird to be, what if my name was Ivory? Imagine how much hate you would get online? Racist. You fucking, he's a white nationalist. Ebony is such a good name.

• 15:16Speaker 07

  Yeah, she's great. She's like, I'm pretty sure she's a lesbian and she knows how to train Malinois. Like, she's great with my dogs.

• 15:22Andrew Santino?

  Who's a Malinois?

• 15:23Speaker 07

  Belgian Malinois. Those are like the military dogs.

• 15:26Andrew Santino?

  Oh, yes.

• 15:27Speaker 07

  Yeah.

• 15:27Andrew Santino?

  She's experienced with military dogs and she's got, you gotta be good with dogs.

• 15:31Speaker 07

  Yeah.

• 15:31Andrew Santino?

  Cause they'll fuck you up.

• 15:32Speaker 07

  Yeah.

• 15:33Andrew Santino?

  Your dog weighs as much as you do?

• 15:35Speaker 07

  I weigh like 112.

• 15:36Andrew Santino?

  You fucking wish. You crack 100 on a, on a, on a fat day.

• 15:39Speaker 07

  I'm dense. I'm very muscular. I work out.

• 15:42Andrew Santino?

  410.

• 15:43Speaker 07

  I'm 5'1 3/4. You're being hurtful again.

• 15:45Andrew Santino?

  You wish you were over 5 feet. You're miniature.

• 15:48Speaker 07

  I'm 5'1.

• 15:48Andrew Santino?

  You make me feel, I feel like an NBA player next to you.

• 15:50Speaker 07

  Well, that's good for your ego.

• 15:53Andrew Santino?

  Let's keep going. I like that you showed feet on this, cause the OnlyFans will love. This will be nice. We'll have to edit those out.

• 15:59Speaker 07

  This is good for retention.

• 16:00Andrew Santino?

  Well, you have a special on OnlyFans?

• 16:01Speaker 07

  OFTV, yes. Karen Fan, Don't Serve Me. Check it out. Give it a watch. It's pretty good.

• 16:06Andrew Santino?

  How long have you had Not Sir, Don't Serve Me?

• 16:08Speaker 07

  Like, 8 years.

• 16:09Andrew Santino?

  That's been on there?

• 16:10Speaker 07

  Yeah, and I only relapsed once with it.

• 16:12Andrew Santino?

  How was the relapse? Was it, was it?

• 16:14Speaker 07

  It was, I mean, I call it a relapse, but I just started drinking again for a year.

• 16:17Andrew Santino?

  One full year?

• 16:18Speaker 07

  Yeah.

• 16:18Andrew Santino?

  And then you got over it?

• 16:19Speaker 07

  And I was done. I was like, fine.

• 16:21Andrew Santino?

  What was the tipping point to stop?

• 16:23Speaker 07

  Which time?

• 16:24Andrew Santino?

  This relapse time?

• 16:25Speaker 07

  Um, I just was like grossed out by myself.

• 16:28Andrew Santino?

  Were you doing stuff that was unsavory for your own, for your own?

• 16:31Speaker 07

  For my career. Like, people like were like talking shit. I was getting wasted at comedy clubs. Just like embarrassing myself.

• 16:37Andrew Santino?

  Who was talking shit about you?

• 16:38Speaker 07

  Hmm, I'm just like, I'm a good woman.

• 16:39Andrew Santino?

  You wanna call them out and we'll fuck them up?

• 16:40Speaker 07

  Well, I'll tell you what, and I, I say this, after one time, I called the Booker of the Stand a fat F-word. I don't know if you can say that word.

• 16:50Andrew Santino?

  Fan? A fat fan?

• 16:51Speaker 07

  Yes, a fat fan. Um, to his face, like while I was in a blackout. And I like woke up the next day and I was like tagged on Facebook. I was banned from the club.

• 16:59Andrew Santino?

  No.

• 17:00Speaker 07

  I had to like roast battle my way back in, which I did.

• 17:03Andrew Santino?

  But that's good.

• 17:03Speaker 07

  Season 2, Comedy Central.

• 17:04Andrew Santino?

  You gotta earn it back in. You gotta earn it back. And now you guys are okay.

• 17:07Speaker 07

  No, we're great. We're best pals now.

• 17:09Andrew Santino?

  Did he understand at the time that you were fucked up and that he let it go, he let it go fast or not?

• 17:13Speaker 07

  No. No, it was brutal. I was not welcome there for a while.

• 17:18Andrew Santino?

  Damn.

• 17:18Speaker 07

  Yeah.

• 17:19Andrew Santino?

  I'm glad you got your shit together now.

• 17:21Speaker 07

  I had to. I'm very grateful for my severe alcoholism.

• 17:24Andrew Santino?

  Your parents too?

• 17:26Speaker 07

  Well, yeah. What, are they alcoholics? No, they're good. And I think it does skip a generation.

• 17:31Andrew Santino?

  Really?

• 17:32Speaker 07

  Yeah, my grandfather was really bad, and then he like quit drinking and would order uh virgin madresses when we would go out.

• 17:38Andrew Santino?

  What the fuck is a madress?

• 17:39Speaker 07

  It's an orange and cranberry juice or whatever. And we're like, just say that, Genka. Why do you have to bother the waitress so much?

• 17:44Andrew Santino?

  Genka?

• 17:45Speaker 07

  Genka is...

• 17:46Andrew Santino?

  Genka was your grandpa?

• 17:47Speaker 07

  G I N K I. That's what we called him.

• 17:49Andrew Santino?

  And what's grandma?

• 17:49Speaker 07

  Nana.

• 17:51Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, not as cool for some reason. Genka's so much better.

• 17:53Speaker 07

  Genka was a good time. We got him electric shock therapy once he got a little uh depressed.

• 17:59Andrew Santino?

  Had to knock the war out of him, huh?

• 18:01Speaker 07

  Yeah, we shocked the shit out of that guy. He was talking to birds for a while, but we just knocked that out of him.

• 18:05Andrew Santino?

  How do you think that starts?

• 18:07Speaker 07

  I think my grandmother hit it for a while, and then my grandmother died, and we were like, what the hell?

• 18:11Andrew Santino?

  She was really good, huh?

• 18:13Speaker 07

  Yeah.

• 18:13Andrew Santino?

  She could bury all that shit. Those Irish dude, they could bury it.

• 18:16Speaker 07

  Nothing to see here, la la la la.

• 18:18Andrew Santino?

  Everything's fine, love.

• 18:19Speaker 07

  Oh, do you want to mash potatoes?

• 18:20Andrew Santino?

  Is grandpa chewing on the on the door? He's just checking the hinges, love. Alright, seems like he's chewing on the door. It is sad when you see like when my grandfather started to have his memory slip. It was kinda wild, but like we all kinda did pretend like it wasn't happening.

• 18:37Speaker 07

  Yeah.

• 18:37Andrew Santino?

  That is kind of a part of reality of, the Irish do it the most. I think the Irish are the most like, oh, it's no big deal.

• 18:42Speaker 07

  Deny, deny.

• 18:43Andrew Santino?

  And like, wait a minute, no, no, that's, isn't that bad? And they're like, come on, come on.

• 18:45Speaker 07

  Come on, everybody's doing it. Everybody's talking to the birds.

• 18:48Andrew Santino?

  Everyone's dealing with that. But I think the funny trick was my grandparents would always have Manhattans.

• 18:53Speaker 07

  Yeah, my grandmother loved a Manhattan.

• 18:55Andrew Santino?

  Favorite Manhattan?

• 18:55Speaker 07

  Yes.

• 18:56Andrew Santino?

  And uh, I think at the very end, he wouldn't know if you got him a new one or not.

• 19:00Speaker 07

  Right.

• 19:00Andrew Santino?

  So if he said, get me another one, if you were like, we probably shouldn't serve anymore booze, you could be like, that's a brand new one.

• 19:04Speaker 07

  That's fresh.

• 19:05Andrew Santino?

  And you go, oh, okay.

• 19:06Speaker 07

  My uh, during my um grandfather's eulogy, my mom gave it at the church. And she was like talking to my grandmother, whose name was Grace, who's already dead or whatever. She's like, hey ma, put down the Manhattan. It's your turn to take care of him again. Cause he'd been living with my parents.

• 19:24Speaker 07

  He was crazy. He hated my dad. My dad was from Dorchester.

• 19:28Andrew Santino?

  Dorchester.

• 19:29Speaker 07

  The wrong side of the tracks. He was a bad guy. They made him wait outside on the porch, wouldn't let him in.

• 19:33Andrew Santino?

  Shut up.

• 19:34Speaker 07

  Swear to god.

• 19:34Andrew Santino?

  What was he for a living?

• 19:36Speaker 07

  He was in sales.

• 19:38Andrew Santino?

  They didn't like a good old sales boy from Dorchester?

• 19:40Speaker 07

  He was just like a little rough and tumble. Like, he just, I don't know, he had like a scar on his forehead.

• 19:45Andrew Santino?

  Smoked.

• 19:46Speaker 07

  Smoked, drank, like ran with like, you know.

• 19:49Andrew Santino?

  Troublemakers.

• 19:50Speaker 07

  Yeah, he got kicked out of a lot of schools.

• 19:52Andrew Santino?

  So did I.

• 19:53Speaker 07

  Yeah.

• 19:54Andrew Santino?

  Who cares? Yeah, look at us now. Successful on the internet. Show your dad the internet. Give him a show.

• 20:00Speaker 07

  No way.

• 20:00Andrew Santino?

  Give him a show.

• 20:01Speaker 07

  My dad will never find the internet.

• 20:03Andrew Santino?

  Do your parents watch your shit? Like, would they watch your special?

• 20:05Speaker 07

  Yeah.

• 20:05Andrew Santino?

  They're like that. So some people, you say it like that. Some people are like, my parents don't watch the shit.

• 20:09Speaker 07

  Yeah, like my mom watches my podcast. My mom's been on my podcast a couple times.

• 20:13Andrew Santino?

  Really?

• 20:14Speaker 07

  She's great. Maureen, she's a good guest. Big Mo, she crushes. What? Is that your mom's name?

• 20:20Andrew Santino?

  Maureen. Mo Money.

• 20:21Speaker 07

  Yeah, Mo Money, more problems.

• 20:23Andrew Santino?

  That's what they call her, Mo Money.

• 20:24Speaker 07

  Yeah, they call my mom, uh, Mo. She used to be a teacher for like juvenile delinquents.

• 20:28Andrew Santino?

  Oh, she's a badass.

• 20:29Speaker 07

  Yeah, she's, yeah.

• 20:30Andrew Santino?

  Maureen's are always good people. Let's see how many aunts and uncles names we have in common.

• 20:33Speaker 07

  Oh, this will be fun.

• 20:34Andrew Santino?

  You ready?

• 20:34Speaker 07

  Okay.

• 20:35Andrew Santino?

  Maureen.

• 20:35Speaker 07

  Maureen.

• 20:36Andrew Santino?

  Eileen.

• 20:36Speaker 07

  Oh, I have no Eileen.

• 20:37Andrew Santino?

  Kathleen.

• 20:37Speaker 07

  No, you got all these Leans.

• 20:39Andrew Santino?

  Well, dude, they're Irish.

• 20:40Speaker 07

  My sister's Colleen.

• 20:41Andrew Santino?

  Colleen, we don't have a Colleen, which I'm shocked. Cousin, we have kids, we have others, but, uh, Sheila.

• 20:47Speaker 07

  Aunt Sheila, dead.

• 20:48Andrew Santino?

  Boom, mine's alive.

• 20:49Speaker 07

  Okay.

• 20:50Andrew Santino?

  It was just her birthday.

• 20:50Speaker 07

  Okay.

• 20:51Andrew Santino?

  Happy birthday, Aunt Sheila.

• 20:52Speaker 07

  Happy birthday in heaven.

• 20:53Andrew Santino?

  And then the uncles are Dan.

• 20:56Speaker 07

  No.

• 20:56Andrew Santino?

  No Daniel?

• 20:57Speaker 07

  No.

• 20:57Andrew Santino?

  Tim.

• 20:58Speaker 07

  Tim, cousin Tim.

• 20:59Andrew Santino?

  Okay, cousin Tim. Uh, Marty?

• 21:02Speaker 07

  No Marty. Mark, I got a Mark.

• 21:04Andrew Santino?

  Patrick?

• 21:05Speaker 07

  Patrick, second cousin. Got Pat.

• 21:07Andrew Santino?

  Pat's a-

• 21:07Speaker 07

  Fiesta shows, used to run the fair and give us free tickets to like the fair when it came to town.

• 21:12Andrew Santino?

  And then Kevin and Michael.

• 21:13Speaker 07

  Michael's my brother.

• 21:14Andrew Santino?

  See, we're in, dude. Well, we name enough-

• 21:16Speaker 07

  No Bob?

• 21:17Andrew Santino?

  No Bobs.

• 21:18Speaker 07

  No Robert?

• 21:19Andrew Santino?

  No Bobs. No, Bob is too white for us. That's almost too white. Bob, Robert also feels a little British to me. Robert.

• 21:24Speaker 07

  Yeah, okay.

• 21:25Andrew Santino?

  Robert.

• 21:26Speaker 07

  I got a dead Uncle Bob and a nephew, Robert.

• 21:28Andrew Santino?

  Yeah. And what is there? How many, your parents are, how many kids? Your, your, your mom is one of how many?

• 21:33Speaker 07

  One of six.

• 21:34Andrew Santino?

  Dad is what?

• 21:34Speaker 07

  One of three or four?

• 21:36Andrew Santino?

  My mom's one of ten.

• 21:38Speaker 07

  Holy shit.

• 21:40Andrew Santino?

  Dude, we raised a gang.

• 21:41Speaker 07

  Yeah, dude.

• 21:41Andrew Santino?

  You were just trying to make a gang in case something bad happened.

• 21:44Speaker 07

  Yeah.

• 21:44Andrew Santino?

  One of ten. And it's supposed to be thirteen. My grandmother had, you know, like miscarriages, you know.

• 21:48Speaker 07

  Right, couple. You lose a couple along the way.

• 21:50Andrew Santino?

  Three. Could've been thirteen.

• 21:51Speaker 07

  Oh my god.

• 21:52Andrew Santino?

  Isn't that fucking insane?

• 21:52Speaker 07

  They just were pregnant the whole time.

• 21:54Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, they were never, or there was a couple of Irish twins, too.

• 21:56Speaker 07

  Okay.

• 21:57Andrew Santino?

  Which is even more fascinating that you have a kid that fast, right after the other one.

• 22:00Speaker 07

  How quick.

• 22:00Andrew Santino?

  Well, because God loves them more than they love us. That's why we don't have children.

• 22:03Speaker 07

  (laughing).

• 22:04Andrew Santino?

  God hates us, dude.

• 22:05Speaker 07

  Good. Keep hating me.

• 22:06Andrew Santino?

  God loves us, God hates us.

• 22:07Speaker 07

  Keep hating me. Keep my pussy tight.

• 22:09Andrew Santino?

  No, you would be a good mother.

• 22:10Speaker 07

  You think?

• 22:11Andrew Santino?

  Your energy is wonderful, yeah.

• 22:12Speaker 07

  I'm a good aunt.

• 22:14Andrew Santino?

  That's what I mean. You have a great energy. You'd be a great mom. If you ever want, not like that, I hate when people, "You'll be a good dad." I'm like, "Well, we tried. We couldn't have kids." Oh, fuck it. Thanks for breaking up.

• 22:21Speaker 07

  (laughing).

• 22:23Andrew Santino?

  No, but you know, I do, I am a great uncle, so I do understand what it would, that would be, it would be nice.

• 22:27Speaker 07

  I do gravitate towards kids. You had my buddy Joe List on.

• 22:31Andrew Santino?

  I fucking love Joe List.

• 22:32Speaker 07

  That's my bestie.

• 22:32Andrew Santino?

  We talked bad about you.

• 22:34Speaker 07

  No, you didn't. You said nice things. I'll never believe you. He's my best friend.

• 22:37Andrew Santino?

  He's one of the greatest guys alive.

• 22:38Speaker 07

  Isn't he great?

• 22:39Andrew Santino?

  One of the funniest comedians.

• 22:40Speaker 07

  Oh, I love him.

• 22:41Andrew Santino?

  I hate to say the word underrated, because that, that almost like is-

• 22:44Speaker 07

  It has a weird connotation when you say underrated.

• 22:46Andrew Santino?

  But it's not true. He's, he, he is well-known. I'm just thinking like, he should be even more well-known.

• 22:49Speaker 07

  I agree.

• 22:50Andrew Santino?

  That's the nicest way to say like, people should pay more attention to people that are great joke writers.

• 22:54Speaker 07

  He's just a natural, too.

• 22:56Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, he, I just think, some people, um, the comedy was, is, uh-

• 23:00Speaker 07

  In his blood.

• 23:01Andrew Santino?

  Is born, yeah, instead of, instead of created.

• 23:03Speaker 07

  Did he tell you about our workout class?

• 23:05Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, he showed up sweaty.

• 23:06Speaker 07

  Yeah, that was, he's like-

• 23:07Andrew Santino?

  He was dripping wet.

• 23:08Speaker 07

  (laughing).

• 23:09Andrew Santino?

  I had to give him a shirt.

• 23:10Speaker 07

  (laughing).

• 23:10Andrew Santino?

  I was like, "Do you want a shirt from the back?" He's like, "I mean, that's a little weird, but I mean..." I was like, "Well, there's shirts, there's merch shirts laying around. Just grab a blank T. That way you're not sweaty." I mean, he was dripping in sweat. And his phone was dying.

• 23:21Speaker 07

  I know. He couldn't find a charger because he has the old charger. I'm like, Joe.

• 23:25Andrew Santino?

  I had no patience for that.

• 23:26Speaker 07

  Who does?

• 23:27Andrew Santino?

  Get a new phone.

• 23:28Speaker 07

  Thank you.

• 23:28Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, grow up.

• 23:29Speaker 07

  Grow up.

• 23:29Andrew Santino?

  It's time. Also, this charger's been out for like two years now, so-

• 23:32Speaker 07

  So long.

• 23:33Andrew Santino?

  There's no excuse for that.

• 23:33Speaker 07

  I agree.

• 23:34Andrew Santino?

  I'm not saying it's the phone that came out in October.

• 23:36Speaker 07

  No, but come on.

• 23:37Andrew Santino?

  Come on, Joe.

• 23:38Speaker 07

  You're gonna keep running into this problem.

• 23:39Andrew Santino?

  I know. I guarantee, I said, "I bet you your wife has the new phone." She probably has the new charger.

• 23:43Speaker 07

  I think he got her the new one.

• 23:45Andrew Santino?

  That's what I mean. Get yourself the thing, too. Spoil yourself.

• 23:46Speaker 07

  Come on, you deserve it.

• 23:47Andrew Santino?

  He does. Honestly.

• 23:48Speaker 07

  Well, I convinced him to move to my neighborhood.

• 23:50Andrew Santino?

  Oh, you got him over there?

• 23:51Speaker 07

  Yeah, they were living in Astoria. And I was like, "Get the hell out of this Gaza-ass war zone and come to-"

• 23:58Andrew Santino?

  A story of the West Bank?

• 24:00Speaker 07

  Come to the good zip code, like elevate your life. You deserve it. You work hard.

• 24:04Andrew Santino?

  They work very hard.

• 24:05Speaker 07

  Yes, and I'm so happy. We have such a nice time together because you said the mom thing. I love their kids so much.

• 24:10Andrew Santino?

  You babysit, that's right.

• 24:11Speaker 07

  Absolutely. I can't wait. I can't get enough. They have a great kid.

• 24:15Andrew Santino?

  You, that's, it's such a sweet, that, that's part of the comedy community that is, does go unnoticed. Of all the infighting that happens in the comedy world, it's nice when you find someone, that, when there are relationships that are actually nice that get on.

• 24:25Speaker 07

  Yeah.

• 24:26Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, there's a couple still around.

• 24:27Speaker 07

  Yeah, we can lean on each other.

• 24:29Andrew Santino?

  We don't anymore. No one does anymore. Now it's this weird battle. I feel like everyone's divisive, choosing sides over stuff that they've known nothing about. It's just so fucking weird, dude.

• 24:37Speaker 07

  I just don't get mad about anything, really.

• 24:39Andrew Santino?

  Well, why would you care? Why does you care? Why do you care?

• 24:40Speaker 07

  I don't understand people caring.

• 24:43Andrew Santino?

  I think when, you know, what is the, what is the old stupid phrase is, uh, idol's hands are the devil's toy, you know? It's kind of like when you're bored, it's easy to get angry.

• 24:51Speaker 07

  Right, you're online, you're like, I'll get enraged about this.

• 24:54Andrew Santino?

  About bullshit that doesn't mean anything to you?

• 24:55Speaker 07

  I'm sure people care about my opinion. No, they don't.

• 24:58Andrew Santino?

  I know.

• 24:58Speaker 07

  You stayed up till 3 a.m. and you ate a rotisserie chicken before bed. Nobody gives a shit what you think about this.

• 25:04Andrew Santino?

  Just shut the fuck up and go to bed, man.

• 25:05Speaker 07

  Go to bed.

• 25:06Andrew Santino?

  Just go to bed. Or write jokes. My biggest thing is when people, comedians get very like vindictive or like, you know, start shit online. And this goes for just right, anybody, regular people. It's like when you divulge yourself on the internet, just go to work, go, go do something that makes you feel good. Either go write jokes for a comic or go build something if you love working with your hands, or go out and fucking take a walk.

• 25:23Speaker 07

  Right.

• 25:23Andrew Santino?

  And I don't get it.

• 25:24Speaker 07

  Be constructive.

• 25:25Andrew Santino?

  I know. Deconstruct, uh, deconstructing is the number one thing now.

• 25:29Speaker 07

  That's what they do. They're like, oh, this front-facing video is gonna change lives. Wait till they hear what I think about this.

• 25:35Andrew Santino?

  Just do wait.

• 25:36Speaker 07

  It's like, shut up.

• 25:37Speaker 03

  In here, we pour whiskey.

• 25:40Andrew Santino?

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• 26:24Andrew Santino?

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• 27:54Andrew Santino?

  Ginger. I like zingers.

• 27:58Andrew Santino?

  So, no what? Are you on tour right now?

• 28:00Speaker 07

  I mean, I take what I can get, if you want to call it on tour.

• 28:03Andrew Santino?

  What do you mean?

• 28:04Speaker 07

  I mean, I've got like road dates.

• 28:05Andrew Santino?

  Yeah.

• 28:06Speaker 07

  Okay. I'm...

• 28:07Andrew Santino?

  Why? Why so Irish about it?

• 28:09Speaker 07

  So self-deprecating. I don't know.

• 28:11Andrew Santino?

  Dates are dates. Also, you're playing clubs?

• 28:13Speaker 07

  Yeah.

• 28:14Andrew Santino?

  So what do you mean, you're not doing coffee shops?

• 28:16Speaker 07

  No.

• 28:16Andrew Santino?

  Clubs are the most valid form of comedy, live entertainment on earth.

• 28:20Speaker 07

  I love clubs.

• 28:21Andrew Santino?

  There is nothing better. We were talking about this with Louis. There's literally nothing better. Theaters are cool and arenas is a cool thing to achieve.

• 28:28Speaker 07

  Yeah.

• 28:28Andrew Santino?

  There's nothing better than a club.

• 28:29Speaker 07

  Yeah.

• 28:30Andrew Santino?

  David Tell's been doing it for 30 fucking years.

• 28:31Speaker 07

  Right.

• 28:32Andrew Santino?

  There's nothing cooler, there's nothing more grounded, more like, you want to feel a comedy show?

• 28:37Speaker 07

  Yeah.

• 28:37Andrew Santino?

  It's not a club, it's at a comedy club.

• 28:38Speaker 07

  I love hilarity so much, every time I'm there.

• 28:41Andrew Santino?

  In Cleveland?

• 28:42Speaker 07

  Yeah.

• 28:42Andrew Santino?

  I've never played.

• 28:43Speaker 07

  What?

• 28:43Andrew Santino?

  No, it's not, it's not for any other reason than it's never coming to my schedule and it worked.

• 28:46Speaker 07

  Oh, you love it. The food's awesome, the crowds are awesome, everybody who works there is awesome.

• 28:51Andrew Santino?

  I gotta play it, trust me. Bobby says it to me all the fucking time. Nick? Nick is his name that runs it, or?

• 28:56Speaker 07

  Yeah.

• 28:56Andrew Santino?

  And he's always like, dude, you gotta play it.

• 28:58Speaker 07

  He's the nicest.

• 28:59Andrew Santino?

  I just was always, I always did small club runs. I never did what these guys do, like a lot of east coast guys. They'll do, you know, 40 clubs.

• 29:06Speaker 07

  Right.

• 29:06Andrew Santino?

  I'll do 10 to 12.

• 29:08Speaker 07

  Yeah.

• 29:08Andrew Santino?

  And then I'll work out local stuff, because I want to stay close to home, because for me to go anywhere, it's a fucking nightmare.

• 29:13Speaker 07

  Yeah.

• 29:13Andrew Santino?

  Takes forever to get over to you guys.

• 29:15Speaker 07

  It's true.

• 29:16Andrew Santino?

  So if I can stay on the west coast and bounce around here, I'll just, you know.

• 29:18Speaker 07

  Right, I get it, I get it.

• 29:19Andrew Santino?

  You guys get to be, you know, you can go to Philly.

• 29:21Speaker 07

  We can go to Philly.

• 29:22Andrew Santino?

  Same day.

• 29:22Speaker 07

  Helium rules, you know, there's, I'm doing, Stress Factory has a new club in Pennsylvania, I'm doing that.

• 29:30Andrew Santino?

  Where? Like, western PA?

• 29:32Speaker 07

  Yeah, I think, I'm trying to remember the name of the town.

• 29:35Andrew Santino?

  Up by Pittsburgh?

• 29:36Speaker 07

  It's, it's, um, it's like, I'm doing it the 10th and the 11th, like, I'm landing, I'm going back on the 9th and then going to Pennsylvania right away. I'm never gonna see my dog again.

• 29:44Andrew Santino?

  No.

• 29:44Speaker 07

  It's fine.

• 29:45Andrew Santino?

  Ebony's got a hold of her.

• 29:46Speaker 07

  I know.

• 29:48Andrew Santino?

  Ebony's got a hold of that dog.

• 29:49Speaker 07

  I'm doing a show in the New York Comedy Festival, I'm co-headlining with Stacy Kay, I don't know if you're familiar, she's a transgendered comedian, she's quite funny, presents as more female than I do, for sure.

• 29:59Andrew Santino?

  Stacy Kay?

• 29:59Speaker 07

  Stacy Kay. She's big on Twitter, she's got a lot of opinions, I like it.

• 30:03Andrew Santino?

  I want to look her up right now, just so I can see what she looks like.

• 30:05Speaker 07

  She's a beauty. She did my podcast, and like, the first 30 seconds, she just starts making jokes about Charlie Kirk, I was like, alright, you can do whatever you want.

• 30:13Andrew Santino?

  Stacy Kay.

• 30:14Speaker 07

  I think it's Kay?

• 30:16Andrew Santino?

  I have to, I just want to see.

• 30:17Speaker 07

  K-A-Y?

• 30:18Andrew Santino?

  C-A-Y.

• 30:19Speaker 07

  C-A-Y.

• 30:19Andrew Santino?

  Stacy Kay.

• 30:20Speaker 07

  Yeah. She's a babe. She's like six feet tall, but we're doing a-

• 30:24Andrew Santino?

  Six, and it's fine, and you said it was much funnier than you, is that what you said?

• 30:27Speaker 07

  I did not!

• 30:28Andrew Santino?

  Yes, you did, that's what you just said.

• 30:29Speaker 07

  I said she's funny.

• 30:30Andrew Santino?

  And she's what, opening for you?

• 30:31Speaker 07

  Well, she's born a biological male, of course she's gonna be funnier than me.

• 30:35Andrew Santino?

  God bless, finally, somebody admitted it.

• 30:39Andrew Santino?

  All these female comics are getting strong. Wow, they weren't always female comics.

• 30:44Andrew Santino?

  What, and she's opening shows for you?

• 30:45Speaker 07

  She's, we're co-headlining for the New York Comedy Festival, we're doing a show together, November 8th.

• 30:49Andrew Santino?

  I haven't done that in so long. November 8th, go see, go see Stacy Kay and-

• 30:53Speaker 07

  Me.

• 30:53Andrew Santino?

  And one and only The Fee.

• 30:55Speaker 07

  I'm in Boston on November 7th.

• 30:56Andrew Santino?

  Where are you playing?

• 30:57Speaker 07

  The Hideout.

• 30:58Andrew Santino?

  I never, I never played there.

• 30:59Speaker 07

  It's good.

• 31:00Andrew Santino?

  Yeah? Back, back in the day, day, I did, uh-

• 31:04Speaker 07

  Laugh Boston?

• 31:04Andrew Santino?

  Tobin's, yeah.

• 31:05Speaker 07

  Oh, Tobin's, yeah, yeah.

• 31:06Andrew Santino?

  And then I did, uh, Wilbur, Wilbur.

• 31:09Speaker 07

  The Wilbur, yeah.

• 31:10Andrew Santino?

  But the Wilbur-

• 31:10Speaker 07

  You're huge, I love the Wilbur.

• 31:12Andrew Santino?

  Wilbur's probably one of the best.

• 31:13Speaker 07

  I was supposed to open for Joe there, and then I, I think I went to Austin or something.

• 31:17Andrew Santino?

  That could, the, the mothership calls. You gotta go down. Did you headline the mothership?

• 31:21Speaker 07

  No, just, I think I just did Spots, I probably headlined The Creek.

• 31:25Andrew Santino?

  Oh yeah, that's right, well, yeah, that's right, they're down, I always forget that they're down there now.

• 31:28Speaker 07

  Yeah.

• 31:28Andrew Santino?

  But they still have a creek in New York, right?

• 31:30Speaker 07

  No.

• 31:30Andrew Santino?

  It's gone?

• 31:31Speaker 07

  Yeah.

• 31:31Andrew Santino?

  Cause she moved it.

• 31:32Speaker 07

  That's right.

• 31:33Andrew Santino?

  Why would you keep both?

• 31:34Speaker 07

  I don't know if she could financially do that, yeah. Yeah.

• 31:38Andrew Santino?

  It's like you get older, old guys, you go, you're like, you don't even know nothing about Dangerfield, you're like, I don't.

• 31:42Speaker 07

  Well, it's Rodney's now.

• 31:43Andrew Santino?

  Oh, is that what it is?

• 31:44Speaker 07

  Yep.

• 31:45Andrew Santino?

  Yeah.

• 31:45Speaker 07

  I, I did, uh, Corolla's podcast yesterday, he's doing Rodney's this weekend, it's great.

• 31:49Andrew Santino?

  How was that, how was Adam's pod?

• 31:50Speaker 07

  Oh, it was fun.

• 31:51Andrew Santino?

  You had a good time?

• 31:52Speaker 07

  I had a great time with him.

• 31:53Andrew Santino?

  Yeah.

• 31:53Speaker 07

  We align on a lot of things.

• 31:55Andrew Santino?

  Is that anti-Semitism kicking into full gear back again, dude?

• 32:00Andrew Santino?

  Adam's fun, I only did a show one time. But it's hard to get a beat in there, over there.

• 32:04Speaker 07

  You gotta, yeah, you gotta work it.

• 32:06Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, it's like doing, uh, old radio.

• 32:07Speaker 07

  Yeah.

• 32:08Andrew Santino?

  Like Opie and Anthony or something like that, where you're like-

• 32:10Speaker 07

  You gotta work your moments.

• 32:12Andrew Santino?

  You gotta shoot the jab, pick your spots, that's what it is.

• 32:14Speaker 07

  Sniper.

• 32:15Andrew Santino?

  Not over here, dude, I let you fly free.

• 32:16Speaker 07

  You do.

• 32:17Andrew Santino?

  The floor is yours.

• 32:17Speaker 07

  You're very give and take, you're a comedy giver.

• 32:20Andrew Santino?

  I am.

• 32:21Speaker 07

  You are.

• 32:21Andrew Santino?

  I haven't taken in years.

• 32:23Speaker 07

  No?

• 32:24Andrew Santino?

  No.

• 32:24Speaker 07

  You look like a bottom.

• 32:25Andrew Santino?

  No, I don't.

• 32:26Speaker 07

  I'm sorry.

• 32:27Andrew Santino?

  You know I look like a top. Just take it back.

• 32:30Speaker 07

  The morning.

• 32:30Andrew Santino?

  I look like a top of the morning. I'm a top of the morning to you. Oh, do we try to watch that Guinness show? Have you seen that? The Guinness?

• 32:36Speaker 07

  The House of Guinness. Why? Why are you mad? Because it's not historically accurate? It's not supposed to be.

• 32:41Andrew Santino?

  Show's not good.

• 32:42Speaker 07

  I like violence. You didn't like the guy holding the thing? I've only watched one episode.

• 32:45Andrew Santino?

  You watched the pilot?

• 32:46Speaker 07

  Yeah.

• 32:47Andrew Santino?

  Yeah.

• 32:47Speaker 07

  The guy, what is that? What is that weapon? He puts it on and he just starts punching people? That guy is so hot, too.

• 32:53Andrew Santino?

  That's why you like it.

• 32:54Speaker 07

  That guy is us.

• 32:54Andrew Santino?

  He's a bunch of hot guys.

• 32:55Speaker 07

  Yeah.

• 32:56Andrew Santino?

  Half of the cast isn't even Irish.

• 32:58Speaker 07

  You're getting.

• 32:58Andrew Santino?

  Give Ireland back to the Irish. Get these fucking Brits out of here, dude. Half of these guys are from the UK. I was like, get the fuck out of here, man. You can't, I don't agree with that. You gotta be, make, let the show be all Irish people for fuck's sake.

• 33:09Speaker 07

  Yeah.

• 33:10Andrew Santino?

  You know?

• 33:10Speaker 07

  I hear you.

• 33:11Andrew Santino?

  We complain about that in the United States about equality and, or equity and all this stuff and you're like, okay. It's like saying it's a, it's a black show. It's like, well then, yeah, you'd cast black people. It's like, it's an Irish show. Well, then cast a bunch of fucking Irish fucks.

• 33:20Speaker 07

  Maybe they did and they all showed up hammered the first day and they couldn't work.

• 33:23Andrew Santino?

  Don't do that to our people. That's fucked up, dude. Give Ireland back to the Irish. Go off, Ireland.

• 33:28Speaker 07

  I love hearing an Irish accent.

• 33:29Andrew Santino?

  The first cat is Belfast. The first cat, I think, is from Belfast. I looked, we, we did some Googling, me and my cousin.

• 33:34Speaker 07

  You did some deep dives.

• 33:34Andrew Santino?

  Well, because I was like, how many of these guys have, because some of the accents, I was like, what the fuck is that, dude?

• 33:38Speaker 07

  Well, have you heard Jude Law on Black Rabbit? He sounds like an idiot.

• 33:42Andrew Santino?

  Jude Law, oh, oh, oh, and in, in the Bateman show?

• 33:44Speaker 07

  Yes.

• 33:45Andrew Santino?

  Wait, but the show is good.

• 33:46Speaker 07

  Bateman's great. I like the story. I can't get past Jude Law trying to have a New York accent. Is that what he's trying?

• 33:51Andrew Santino?

  It's not really New York. He sounds like.

• 33:53Speaker 07

  An idiot.

• 33:54Andrew Santino?

  It sounds like a guy who's from another city that moved to New York, but that wants to be from New York.

• 34:00Speaker 07

  I don't know.

• 34:00Andrew Santino?

  What if it's deliberate? Maybe Jude worked very hard on that.

• 34:02Speaker 07

  No, he didn't.

• 34:04Andrew Santino?

  I'm calling him up. Jude?

• 34:05Speaker 07

  Jude, get in here.

• 34:06Andrew Santino?

  Hey Jude! Fuck.

• 34:09Speaker 07

  We're gay.

• 34:09Andrew Santino?

  We are gay, dude. I like the show, though, as a whole. I thought it was a good.

• 34:13Speaker 07

  I'm not done with it.

• 34:14Andrew Santino?

  Only because Joe, because Bateman did a great job.

• 34:16Speaker 07

  I love Bateman in it. I think he's excellent.

• 34:19Andrew Santino?

  He's one of the best.

• 34:20Speaker 07

  I agree. He can do anything.

• 34:21Andrew Santino?

  He can.

• 34:22Speaker 07

  So versatile.

• 34:23Andrew Santino?

  There's a couple of things he can't do.

• 34:24Speaker 07

  Anal.

• 34:24Andrew Santino?

  I'll tell you off screen. Anal. Foot stuff? He's not into foot stuff.

• 34:30Speaker 07

  Okay.

• 34:30Andrew Santino?

  I said, come on.

• 34:31Speaker 07

  Okay.

• 34:31Andrew Santino?

  He said, save it. Save it for someone else.

• 34:34Speaker 07

  You think of him, about him in, um, frickin', The Funny Show.

• 34:39Andrew Santino?

  Arrested?

• 34:40Speaker 07

  Not Curb, but, yeah, Arrested Development. And then, and then compare that character to Black Rabbit. Or Ozark, yeah.

• 34:46Andrew Santino?

  So good.

• 34:46Speaker 07

  He's great.

• 34:47Andrew Santino?

  He is. Well, we'll stop sucking him off.

• 34:49Speaker 07

  Why?

• 34:50Andrew Santino?

  He's not here.

• 34:50Speaker 07

  Okay.

• 34:51Andrew Santino?

  Jason!

• 34:52Speaker 07

  Did you watch Task? Get into Task.

• 34:55Andrew Santino?

  No, see, I don't have as much time as you do.

• 34:57Speaker 07

  I, listen.

• 34:58Andrew Santino?

  I'm not playing with my-

• 34:59Speaker 07

  Some people watch all these shows and they're already done. I'm just getting in, I'm just, I'm in the beginnings of all these shows.

• 35:05Andrew Santino?

  When's the last time you turned on television and watched just, like, TV, TV, not a show?

• 35:09Speaker 07

  What, what do you mean?

• 35:10Andrew Santino?

  See?

• 35:11Speaker 07

  What are you trying?

• 35:12Andrew Santino?

  Do you remember when we'd watch, like, you'd pop on, like, Wheel of Fortune or Family Feud? You don't watch that? Nobody watches those anymore.

• 35:16Speaker 07

  When I go home and visit my family, we watch Jeopardy.

• 35:19Andrew Santino?

  I'm old school, I still watch that shit.

• 35:21Speaker 07

  What is, what, what show?

• 35:22Andrew Santino?

  I watch Family Feud, I watch Jeopardy, I watch Wheel of Fortune.

• 35:25Speaker 07

  Are you good at Jeopardy?

• 35:26Andrew Santino?

  No. The wheel I'm good at.

• 35:28Speaker 07

  My brother-in-law is on the spectrum just a touch.

• 35:31Andrew Santino?

  He could do it.

• 35:31Speaker 07

  Kills at Jeopardy.

• 35:32Andrew Santino?

  Rick Glassman's brother was on it and fucking did great.

• 35:34Speaker 07

  Dominated?

• 35:35Andrew Santino?

  He did fantastic. I mean, you know.

• 35:37Speaker 07

  That's impressive to me.

• 35:39Andrew Santino?

  That turns you on?

• 35:40Speaker 07

  Yeah, I like guys, I love trivia.

• 35:42Andrew Santino?

  Well, you're gonna hate that, Mccone doesn't know shit, that's gonna fuck you up.

• 35:44Speaker 07

  Well, he's 12 years old, he doesn't learn-

• 35:46Andrew Santino?

  Let's get you a new guy.

• 35:47Speaker 07

  I'm ready.

• 35:48Andrew Santino?

  You are.

• 35:51Andrew Santino?

  You are. Let me tell you something. But no apps.

• 35:54Speaker 07

  No, I've, I've never been on the apps.

• 35:55Andrew Santino?

  No, I know, they're worthless.

• 35:56Speaker 07

  Can't be on the apps.

• 35:57Andrew Santino?

  Every friend I have is heartbroken from the apps. It doesn't even feel like it adds up at some point. I feel like it's just an empty waste.

• 36:02Speaker 07

  Well, although, I'm just like one Google away from them, just like, deciding who I am.

• 36:06Andrew Santino?

  Okay, what if they come, okay, what if you meet a guy? And he doesn't know you, says, "Oh, I didn't know you're a comedian." And then he says, "I'd like to come see you."

• 36:15Speaker 07

  This is what guys do.

• 36:16Andrew Santino?

  And what do you, what do you do?

• 36:17Speaker 07

  I, I usually say no, like, that, guys think that that's a first date. It's crazy.

• 36:22Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, it's weird.

• 36:22Speaker 07

  I, like, a guy did it, he, like, stopped me on the street, we flirted in the street, I was like, "This is gonna be great, he works in finance, yada, yada." And he's like, "So, like, oh, what do you do?" I was like, "I'm a comic." He's like, "Oh, I wanna come to a show." I was like, "Yeah, maybe, like, down the road, but like, maybe, like, let's go to dinner first." Googles me, finds out the stand schedule, shows up to a show.

• 36:39Andrew Santino?

  Well, I'm never gonna talk to you again.

• 36:41Speaker 07

  Without me knowing.

• 36:42Andrew Santino?

  I know.

• 36:42Speaker 07

  And then I leave after my spot, 'cause I'm not a lingerer, like, I, like, if I don't have another set, I'm not-

• 36:47Andrew Santino?

  I'm gonna go home.

• 36:47Speaker 07

  I'm outta there.

• 36:48Andrew Santino?

  Yeah.

• 36:48Speaker 07

  He's like DMing, he's like, "Where'd you go?!" I was like, "You were there?" I think I talked shit about him, like, while I was on stage. I was like, "This guy ran me down on the street." He's in my phone, he's street-ryan right now.

• 36:59Andrew Santino?

  He's there, crying in the back?

• 37:01Speaker 07

  With his friend. It's such a weird move.

• 37:03Andrew Santino?

  That's weird. He tried. That's kinda like our grandparents era where it's like I walked her to the, I walked her bus stop every day. It's like harassment, really.

• 37:10Speaker 07

  It's really stalking.

• 37:11Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, it's stalky behavior.

• 37:12Speaker 07

  It's coming to my job and we just met.

• 37:14Andrew Santino?

  I know. Well, you're kidding me. I don't even, my wife is, I, whenever I'm like going on tour to like worm, warm up and work out.

• 37:19Speaker 07

  Yeah.

• 37:19Andrew Santino?

  She's always like, "Do you want me to go?" I'm like, "No, I don't want you to see me at my fucking dumb job doing my stupid little dance."

• 37:25Speaker 07

  Be like, working stuff out?

• 37:27Andrew Santino?

  It does suck when, especially when someone you love watches you work out shit, you're like, "I, this is the, I fucking hate it." Well, only because they don't care.

• 37:35Speaker 07

  Right.

• 37:36Andrew Santino?

  But you're like, "I feel like I just kinda want the freedom to..." It's like, it's like jerking off.

• 37:41Speaker 07

  Yeah.

• 37:42Andrew Santino?

  It's like you could jerk off together, but it's like, "Idri, can I just go jerk off in the..."

• 37:45Speaker 07

  In front of the strangers. Let me do it in front of the strangers so I don't have to sleep next to it.

• 37:50Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, please.

• 37:51Speaker 07

  Subscribe to my OnlyFans.

• 37:54Andrew Santino?

  You've never put up bad girl content, have you?

• 37:55Speaker 07

  No, never.

• 37:57Andrew Santino?

  Oh, wow.

• 37:59Speaker 07

  You didn't know that about me?

• 37:59Andrew Santino?

  I didn't know.

• 38:00Speaker 07

  No. I have a podcast called Only Fans.

• 38:03Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, but I don't know if you put bad girl content up there.

• 38:05Speaker 07

  I do. And I mean, god, it's so PG-13. It's not that bad.

• 38:08Andrew Santino?

  It's no nudes.

• 38:09Speaker 07

  It's nudes.

• 38:10Andrew Santino?

  Oh, it is nude?

• 38:11Speaker 07

  It's just tame ass nudes.

• 38:13Andrew Santino?

  See, I like how you go, "You didn't know that about me?" No, I didn't.

• 38:15Speaker 07

  That's, that's surprising.

• 38:17Andrew Santino?

  Why?

• 38:18Speaker 07

  Cause I feel like everybody knows that about me.

• 38:19Andrew Santino?

  I don't really care about, I don't care about much.

• 38:22Speaker 07

  Are you a, what is it, a eunuch?

• 38:24Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, I'm a eunuch, I'm unique. I just don't care. I don't know if I, maybe...

• 38:29Speaker 07

  Cause you're married.

• 38:30Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, but I, but also that doesn't-

• 38:31Speaker 07

  Maybe you're noble.

• 38:33Andrew Santino?

  No, I just don't give a fuck about that stuff. I don't know, it doesn't really matter to me. I don't know. Maybe if I did hear it, it didn't really matter.

• 38:37Speaker 07

  It's a lame well that people like go back and like, well, like on pods and shows and stuff to like take, dig that.

• 38:43Andrew Santino?

  Put shit up on it or no?

• 38:44Speaker 07

  Sometimes.

• 38:45Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, once in a while, why not? Get that fucking money, dude.

• 38:47Speaker 07

  I mean, I like-

• 38:48Andrew Santino?

  I'm so pro that shit. Get that fucking money. I've never-

• 38:50Speaker 07

  Multiple streams.

• 38:51Andrew Santino?

  I've never seen it. This sounds like a lie. People are like, "You're..." I've never seen it. I've seen that it exists, but I've never like been on it to like pay for it or whatever.

• 39:00Speaker 07

  Yeah.

• 39:00Andrew Santino?

  But when I heard about it, I thought, "What a great fucking idea."

• 39:02Speaker 07

  Yeah.

• 39:03Andrew Santino?

  Why, I mean like, I don't even know why you wouldn't. It's like, "Go ahead, do it, fucking..."

• 39:06Speaker 07

  There's money to be made.

• 39:07Andrew Santino?

  You got nice tatts, dude. Show the kids.

• 39:08Speaker 07

  Even if you don't.

• 39:09Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, even if you got ugly tits, man. Make a couple of bucks.

• 39:12Speaker 07

  Somebody likes them.

• 39:13Andrew Santino?

  Some people can make crazy money. We, I think we were talking about that girl.

• 39:16Speaker 07

  Oh, the new girl? Like, the young girl?

• 39:18Andrew Santino?

  I mean, like, fifty million or something, something absurd.

• 39:20Speaker 07

  Ridiculous money.

• 39:21Andrew Santino?

  God damn, dude.

• 39:22Speaker 07

  They tax the hell out. I had to get an accountant, though.

• 39:25Andrew Santino?

  What do you mean they tax? How much do they take?

• 39:26Speaker 07

  Well, they take twenty-five percent, but then I think like when you start making that much money, you forget that the government is coming for a lot of it.

• 39:33Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, that's not your money?

• 39:33Speaker 07

  No.

• 39:34Andrew Santino?

  No. The government owns that ass and them titties.

• 39:37Speaker 07

  Uncle Sam.

• 39:38Andrew Santino?

  Good luck. Uncle Sam's got a big hard on.

• 39:40Speaker 07

  I got an accountant immediately. I was like, "You gotta start making sure that this goes this..."

• 39:45Andrew Santino?

  Because you were making real money.

• 39:46Speaker 07

  Yeah. Like, my first year, they were like, "Oh, you owe forty grand in taxes." I was like, "What? It's in..."

• 39:52Andrew Santino?

  That's a fucking, that's unbelievable.

• 39:54Speaker 07

  I was like, "It's in my, like, suitcase. It's in all my bags. It's in all these designer purses I bought."

• 39:58Andrew Santino?

  Can you guys take Louis? I'll give you one of my used Louis's as a payment.

• 40:02Speaker 07

  Can I just send, like, a picture of, like, my vagina? Who's in charge of the IRS?

• 40:05Andrew Santino?

  That's so funny. "We saw Karen's vagina. We cleared her taxes. We let her go. It was good enough."

• 40:13Speaker 07

  I'm not responsible, and I need somebody in charge of that stuff.

• 40:16Andrew Santino?

  Of your money. You're bad with that shit.

• 40:18Speaker 07

  Yeah. I wanna have fun.

• 40:20Andrew Santino?

  You need to know better. Put the money away so you pay for, you know...

• 40:23Speaker 07

  I pay a man a monthly fee to do it for me.

• 40:25Andrew Santino?

  See? You need a man, once again. You guys can't operate. You do need a Jewish man.

• 40:30Speaker 07

  I got a very Jewish man. He yells at me sometimes. He's like, "Karen, I know you eat healthy, but this month, it's a lot of food. What are you doing? It's a lot of butter."

• 40:36Andrew Santino?

  Oh, he watches you like that?

• 40:37Speaker 07

  Yeah, he's on top of me.

• 40:39Andrew Santino?

  Because what, a big month for you is a bad month? Like, you're, you don't, you have no spending control?

• 40:43Speaker 07

  Sometimes. I'm getting better. I'm getting better. I've tightened my belt.

• 40:46Andrew Santino?

  What's the, what's, food is not, I mean, what are you, what are you, you're going out to eat the nice restaurants all the time?

• 40:50Speaker 07

  Yeah, see, I have this crew of, like, dog moms. It's not even me.

• 40:53Andrew Santino?

  And you pay for everybody?

• 40:54Speaker 07

  Some, like, it's like, we'll take turns sometimes, or it'll go on my card, and then they'll Venmo me. I'm like, I'm like, "Russell, they Venmo'd me." Like, but then I just have a fat Venmo, and...

• 41:02Andrew Santino?

  Venmo's fake. Don't do that. When people are like, "I'll Venmo you," it's like, "Don't, don't, don't, I don't want the, I don't want Venmo." Venmo, oddly, is like Monopoly money. I'm like, "This isn't real. Get this out of here."

• 41:10Speaker 07

  Yeah.

• 41:10Andrew Santino?

  I don't, I don't agree with that. If I go out with a group of friends... Well, there's different rules for different certainties.

• 41:15Speaker 07

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 41:16Andrew Santino?

  Sometimes you have to pay for it. Like, if we're out with the kids.

• 41:18Speaker 07

  With the kids.

• 41:18Andrew Santino?

  With our employees, we have, you gotta pay.

• 41:20Speaker 07

  You figure you're gonna cover it.

• 41:21Andrew Santino?

  You have to.

• 41:22Speaker 07

  Yeah.

• 41:22Andrew Santino?

  You don't have a choice.

• 41:23Speaker 07

  Yeah.

• 41:23Andrew Santino?

  With the openers, you have to, you have to do all the right things.

• 41:24Speaker 07

  Yeah.

• 41:25Andrew Santino?

  Those are all right things. But then what if it's a group of friends, real friends?

• 41:28Speaker 07

  Yeah, talk, talk. Tell me.

• 41:29Andrew Santino?

  No, it's either like, you know.

• 41:31Speaker 07

  My turn, your turn?

• 41:32Andrew Santino?

  I keep a little bit of tabs on who's turn.

• 41:33Speaker 07

  Yeah.

• 41:33Andrew Santino?

  A little bit. But if you really wanna have fun, you play credit card roulette.

• 41:37Speaker 07

  You throw 'em down and like pick the one.

• 41:39Andrew Santino?

  Put 'em in a hat and somebody picks one.

• 41:40Speaker 07

  See, that's what the dog wants.

• 41:41Andrew Santino?

  You shake it and let the server pick.

• 41:43Speaker 07

  That's good.

• 41:43Andrew Santino?

  Because then it's on nobody, then no one's mad. It's like, she picked a card and that's what it...

• 41:47Speaker 07

  It is what it is.

• 41:48Andrew Santino?

  But, yeah, I can't do the whole like, uh, you keep paying for stuff and not saying anything, then you're gonna get taken advantage of.

• 41:54Speaker 07

  It's true.

• 41:54Andrew Santino?

  Someone's like, Karen, is it okay if you...

• 41:56Speaker 07

  I, I have like a friend who like, I just, I don't know, she's like, oh, we're, we're going somewhere. And it was like her exercise class, this is a small example.

• 42:04Andrew Santino?

  She teaches?

• 42:05Speaker 07

  No, but like it was her like, um, people. We were going to her teacher.

• 42:09Andrew Santino?

  Oh, yeah.

• 42:10Speaker 07

  It was like her kettlebell class. And I was like, oh, what time are we leaving? And she goes, well, I usually take the train. So, we would leave at nine. If, if I was going by myself, I would take the train.

• 42:19Andrew Santino?

  And you're like, I'll get a car.

• 42:20Speaker 07

  I'm like, what is the implication here? That I'm going, so we take an Uber?

• 42:24Andrew Santino?

  Yeah.

• 42:24Speaker 07

  And she's like, well, yeah, that's how, but that's how I am. I don't know how to not be that.

• 42:29Speaker 00

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• 42:59Speaker 01

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• 43:29Andrew Santino?

  You can't take the train.

• 43:30Speaker 07

  I have.

• 43:33Speaker 07

  I've I've seen it. I've smelled it.

• 43:36Andrew Santino?

  You you don't take the train.

• 43:37Speaker 07

  It's wretched down there.

• 43:38Andrew Santino?

  But you're not really a train girl. You're not rugged enough. You're a little too dainty. You're too fe- you're too femme to be a train girl.

• 43:45Speaker 07

  I know.

• 43:45Andrew Santino?

  You dress too nice. You do. Train train people are much more like.

• 43:49Speaker 07

  You can't.

• 43:50Andrew Santino?

  They're city people. They're city people.

• 43:51Speaker 07

  You can't. You have to have a backpack and Tevas.

• 43:54Andrew Santino?

  You're a suburban girl in the city.

• 43:56Speaker 07

  A little bit.

• 43:56Andrew Santino?

  You're fancy in the city.

• 43:58Speaker 07

  Yeah, I take my little plane from JFK to Nantucket. You were taking that plane?

• 44:03Andrew Santino?

  No.

• 44:03Speaker 07

  There's like ten seats on it.

• 44:05Andrew Santino?

  I'm not you.

• 44:05Speaker 07

  Everybody has their Vera Bradley duffels.

• 44:08Andrew Santino?

  I'm not you.

• 44:08Speaker 07

  That's a great trip.

• 44:09Andrew Santino?

  I don't play that game.

• 44:09Speaker 07

  Come on, come to Nantucket.

• 44:11Andrew Santino?

  No, fuck that. One time somebody offered, they were going down to play in this uh this tournament, this golf tournament event and he goes.

• 44:16Speaker 07

  Oh, you'd love it for the golf.

• 44:17Andrew Santino?

  He goes, oh, we're gonna take a helicopter down there. I said, absa fucking loot me now. He goes, no, you got Blade. It's called Blade.

• 44:22Speaker 07

  I'm afraid of helicopters.

• 44:23Andrew Santino?

  What the fuck? They took Kobe. I'm not gonna get on one of those fucking things.

• 44:26Speaker 07

  There was a really bad crash in Manhattan, like maybe three, four months ago.

• 44:29Andrew Santino?

  Cause they go out to the Hamptons all the time and everyone that does that, I'm like, dude, get in a car. I'd rather get in the car with some friends and listen to some music. I'm not doing that game.

• 44:36Speaker 07

  They seem reckless, these helicopter pilots.

• 44:38Andrew Santino?

  Foolish. It's goofball shit. It looks fake. It also doesn't look like a real thing.

• 44:42Speaker 07

  Yeah.

• 44:43Andrew Santino?

  The this, the wheel itself looks fucking wackadoo. I don't like that.

• 44:47Speaker 07

  This is a video game and you're playing with my life.

• 44:49Andrew Santino?

  No, I know. Thank you. Those things look so unstable. I think I've seen him enough crash when I was a kid in like Batman when he had that little.

• 44:55Speaker 07

  Yeah.

• 44:55Andrew Santino?

  That one, and I was like, no, no, no, I don't like that.

• 44:57Speaker 07

  My uncle, though, had like a two or four seater whatever plane. He got like a pilot's license. This is after his divorce. He married a lesbian by accident. That really sent him. He like put her through college and then it turned out she was a lesbian. So he's like.

• 45:09Andrew Santino?

  Didn't turn out. He just found out.

• 45:11Speaker 07

  I know. Brutal. All of a sudden, one Christmas, Aunt Claire comes in with like a kid in play haircut. She's got a flat top. We're like, what the hell?

• 45:18Andrew Santino?

  She's like, what's up, dogs? Claire. What is up?

• 45:22Speaker 07

  What happened? So then my uncle was just like a permanent bachelor, just like spending his money. He had like a new girlfriend every year and he bought a plane.

• 45:29Andrew Santino?

  Wow.

• 45:30Speaker 07

  And he took us up in it and he was reckless as hell.

• 45:32Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, no. Not doing that. Not doing that with Uncle Frank, whatever the fuck.

• 45:36Speaker 07

  Uncle Bob, R.I.P.

• 45:37Andrew Santino?

  Uncle Bob, R.I.P. He died in a plane crash.

• 45:39Speaker 07

  No, he died obese in a trailer in Florida.

• 45:42Andrew Santino?

  No, that's so sad.

• 45:43Speaker 07

  Oh, it's so sad.

• 45:44Andrew Santino?

  Wait, that's how it went down? He spent all his money?

• 45:47Speaker 07

  Yeah.

• 45:47Andrew Santino?

  Spent all his money, ended up in a trailer.

• 45:49Speaker 07

  He worked for Nine X. He got a SAG card because he was in the commercials. He like sold phone books. Phone books became obsolete, but somehow he kept his job and like kept like working there and stuff and kept like making more money. I don't know. He had the gift of gab. Everybody loved him.

• 46:02Andrew Santino?

  Scam artist, probably.

• 46:03Speaker 07

  Total scam artist. He was great. But then, yeah, he just slowly burned through all his money, moved down to Florida. Died in a trailer.

• 46:10Andrew Santino?

  Oh my god. Where, where, what part of Florida?

• 46:12Speaker 07

  Like a, like near Jacksonville or something?

• 46:14Andrew Santino?

  North Florida, too.

• 46:15Speaker 07

  Yeah, yeah, yeah. It wasn't good.

• 46:17Andrew Santino?

  Pretty tough. Poor Bob. Rest in peace, Bob. We love you, my dog.

• 46:19Speaker 07

  He was the best.

• 46:20Andrew Santino?

  He's looking up at us right now. No, I'm kidding, Bobo.

• 46:24Speaker 07

  He was, he was a good hang. When I was still drinking, and like we were both drinking at the same time, I was in college and he would roll through with his buddies. They were in their 50s and my college friends were in their 20s. And around like Uncle Bob, around like midnight, 1 a.m. He'd always look at me. He goes, alright, Uncle Bob's going to bed before he becomes dirty Uncle Bob.

• 46:42Andrew Santino?

  Oh gross, Bob.

• 46:43Speaker 07

  He would leave, though. He was never bad.

• 46:45Andrew Santino?

  He did the right thing.

• 46:46Speaker 07

  He did.

• 46:46Andrew Santino?

  Even though he thought the wrong thoughts, he did the right thing. But his friends would hang out.

• 46:49Speaker 07

  Oh yeah, Freddie stayed too long every time.

• 46:51Andrew Santino?

  Did Freddie ever hang with a friend of yours?

• 46:53Speaker 07

  Nah, I don't know. Maybe, maybe Jane the Brain. Jane the Brain.

• 46:56Andrew Santino?

  Jane Gay Brain, huh? You know Jane. Where'd you go to school, Fordham?

• 47:00Speaker 07

  Marymount, Manhattan.

• 47:01Andrew Santino?

  Oof.

• 47:02Speaker 07

  Kind of.

• 47:03Andrew Santino?

  I didn't know you were so smart.

• 47:04Speaker 07

  Oh, I had a presidential scholarship.

• 47:06Andrew Santino?

  Damn, bitch.

• 47:07Speaker 07

  Wicked smart.

• 47:07Andrew Santino?

  Look at you now.

• 47:08Speaker 07

  Look at me now. A lot of concessions later.

• 47:10Andrew Santino?

  For fucking money. Yeah. You got CTE now?

• 47:14Speaker 07

  I fucking might.

• 47:15Andrew Santino?

  Yeah. Trust me, I feel like I do sometimes. The older I get, the more I'm like, I've, I'm, I, my brain doesn't work like it used to. Maybe I'm forgetting a lot of stuff.

• 47:22Speaker 07

  Really?

• 47:23Andrew Santino?

  It could have been the sauce. It could have been the weed for fucking 20 years.

• 47:26Speaker 07

  Do you still drink or no?

• 47:27Andrew Santino?

  Yeah.

• 47:28Speaker 07

  A little.

• 47:28Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, I do.

• 47:29Speaker 07

  But not a lot.

• 47:29Andrew Santino?

  Not like I used to when I was young.

• 47:30Speaker 07

  Right.

• 47:31Andrew Santino?

  And no more drugs.

• 47:32Speaker 07

  Yeah.

• 47:33Andrew Santino?

  Nah, sometimes, but no.

• 47:34Speaker 07

  Okay.

• 47:34Andrew Santino?

  Not like, not like when I used to just be, I used to be more free with drugs. I'd be like, I'll take drugs.

• 47:39Speaker 07

  Okay.

• 47:39Andrew Santino?

  But now I'm like... Not really, it's gotta be kind of a special occasion.

• 47:43Speaker 07

  Special occasion, special night, you know you have nothing to do the next day.

• 47:46Andrew Santino?

  It's my birthday coming up, I'll do mushrooms at my house with some friends.

• 47:49Speaker 07

  Okay.

• 47:49Andrew Santino?

  Take a couple chocolates and like hang by the pool.

• 47:51Speaker 07

  Oh, that's very tame.

• 47:53Andrew Santino?

  Pretty simple, yeah, I'm not, I don't go deep anymore, I'm not gonna like go on an adventure and be like, hey, let's go to this, you know, warehouse party and take drugs.

• 48:01Speaker 07

  No.

• 48:01Andrew Santino?

  But I used to love doing wild shit like that.

• 48:03Speaker 07

  Me too.

• 48:03Andrew Santino?

  That's fun. Disappear into the night, huh?

• 48:05Speaker 07

  Oh my god, I would, we would just, we would never stop.

• 48:08Andrew Santino?

  It's fun.

• 48:09Speaker 07

  It would just, the sound would be coming up, we'd just get a new bag of cocaine, we'd be at brunch, Bloody Marys.

• 48:15Andrew Santino?

  Why not dude, let's go back!

• 48:16Speaker 07

  Nothing hurt!

• 48:17Andrew Santino?

  Nothing hurt, well, your body repairs itself quicker than you can feel the pain.

• 48:20Speaker 07

  So quickly!

• 48:21Andrew Santino?

  But now...

• 48:22Speaker 07

  Oh god.

• 48:23Andrew Santino?

  I'm in my 40s and it's not that way.

• 48:24Speaker 07

  I even like, I don't drink, but if I hang out late, like, I will feel like I have a hangover the next day.

• 48:29Andrew Santino?

  I know.

• 48:30Speaker 07

  Like, Chappelle used to do like the parties at, he still does, like, parties at the stand, and I would like go to them once in a while, just to, you know, be in the mix, and I would wake up the next day and be like, was that worth it?

• 48:40Andrew Santino?

  No.

• 48:40Speaker 07

  I don't think so.

• 48:41Andrew Santino?

  What's the drink when you're not drinking now, when you're out?

• 48:43Speaker 07

  I'm so gay.

• 48:44Andrew Santino?

  Coke?

• 48:45Speaker 07

  Like a pineapple juice, I like a ginger beer.

• 48:48Andrew Santino?

  Cute.

• 48:48Speaker 07

  These mocktails are so annoying though, they're like seventeen dollars and they're not good.

• 48:52Andrew Santino?

  No, they taste terrible, I don't even play that game anymore, I either have a Diet Coke if I'm not drinking when I'm out, or like, uh...

• 48:59Andrew Santino?

  Oh, oh, I have tried, I will say the new revolution of like double zero beers are pretty good if you're gonna...

• 49:03Speaker 07

  Okay.

• 49:04Andrew Santino?

  Like...

• 49:04Speaker 07

  That just makes me want a real beer though.

• 49:07Andrew Santino?

  I mean, me too, but also, but it's like if I know it's a night where I'm like, I don't wanna

• 49:10Speaker 07

  Yeah.

• 49:10Andrew Santino?

  drink, then I'll just, I'll double zero Heine or something like that, or...

• 49:13Speaker 07

  That's good.

• 49:14Andrew Santino?

  It's not that bad, it used to be fucking bad.

• 49:15Speaker 07

  Yeah.

• 49:16Andrew Santino?

  Like Beck, well, not Beck, St. Pauli's or whatever.

• 49:18Speaker 07

  Oh, O'Doul's.

• 49:19Andrew Santino?

  O'Doul's, yeah.

• 49:20Speaker 07

  I used to do O'Doul's.

• 49:21Andrew Santino?

  The fakeys.

• 49:22Speaker 07

  I would just get fat.

• 49:23Andrew Santino?

  You can't get fat, have you ever been fat, you were fat when you were a kid?

• 49:26Speaker 07

  I was nine pounds when I was born, they used to call me Thunder Thighs.

• 49:29Andrew Santino?

  Big bitch, I was only 7' 11".

• 49:31Speaker 07

  Oh, smoked you, dog.

• 49:33Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, but look who, look who won that war.

• 49:34Speaker 07

  I could've kicked the shit out of you, we were a baby.

• 49:36Andrew Santino?

  Look who won that genetic war, look at the size of me now, look at you. You kept going down, I kept going up. I'm getting fatter as time goes on.

• 49:42Speaker 07

  You're right.

• 49:43Andrew Santino?

  I want to be fat like Uncle Bob and live in the trailer.

• 49:45Speaker 07

  Do you?

• 49:45Andrew Santino?

  I think it's kind of a fun way to go.

• 49:47Speaker 07

  It's a slow suicide and very depressing.

• 49:49Andrew Santino?

  But you don't know how much fun he was having.

• 49:51Speaker 07

  I mean, he might have been. I don't know. I think these like twins found him in his trailer, so maybe he was having fun.

• 49:57Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, they found him. They fucked him to death.

• 50:00Speaker 07

  Oh, God.

• 50:01Andrew Santino?

  Uncle Bob.

• 50:02Speaker 07

  All right, be Uncle Bob.

• 50:02Andrew Santino?

  Dirty Uncle Bob.

• 50:03Speaker 07

  All right, be Uncle Bob.

• 50:04Andrew Santino?

  After all that crazy, hanging out with you and your college friends.

• 50:07Speaker 07

  Yeah.

• 50:08Andrew Santino?

  Sketch, weird, fun, sketch.

• 50:09Speaker 07

  Fun.

• 50:10Andrew Santino?

  That was always a thing in college. Someone would come around and they're like, "It's my buddy Daniel and his uncle." It's like, "His uncle's 46."

• 50:15Speaker 07

  Right.

• 50:16Andrew Santino?

  "What is he doing here?"

• 50:16Speaker 07

  "Why is he hanging out with us?"

• 50:17Andrew Santino?

  "No, he's right, dude. He can get us whatever we want."

• 50:19Speaker 07

  I showed up with my headshots one time. We like met up at a bar. I wanted to show my uncle. I was like, "Look, I got new headshots." And he takes them out of the envelope, starts handing them out in the bar. He's like, "Look at this. This is my niece."

• 50:28Andrew Santino?

  She's on sale.

• 50:29Speaker 07

  I was like, "Those are $900. I need those." Like, this is...

• 50:33Andrew Santino?

  Did you get any jobs with those?

• 50:34Speaker 07

  No.

• 50:34Andrew Santino?

  No, so Bob was right. Get rid of those, yeah. Get rid of that. It's a waste of your money and time, man. You were, you wanted to be Miss Actress, huh?

• 50:43Speaker 07

  Uh, yeah, I got a degree in acting. I was in the Boston Ballet when I was growing up. I got kicked out of that because I was never gonna be like a prima ballerina because I was too short.

• 50:52Andrew Santino?

  I thought they're all short. Am I wrong?

• 50:54Speaker 07

  No, like your prima, like your lead ballerinas are taller. They're like 5'10". They have small heads, very skinny. But like I was, they were like, "You'll be the first Willie like in Giselle, the ballet. Like you'll be like the number one in the chorus because you're the shortest."

• 51:07Andrew Santino?

  Right.

• 51:08Speaker 07

  But I didn't want that.

• 51:09Andrew Santino?

  What did you want?

• 51:10Speaker 07

  I wanted to, you know, I wanted to make the other ballerinas laugh.

• 51:14Andrew Santino?

  Didn't that work?

• 51:15Speaker 07

  Yeah.

• 51:15Andrew Santino?

  And you're like, "I'm going to do comedy."

• 51:16Speaker 07

  I'm going to do comedy.

• 51:17Andrew Santino?

  What year were you when you started? How old?

• 51:19Speaker 07

  When I started comedy?

• 51:20Andrew Santino?

  Yeah.

• 51:21Speaker 07

  I was probably like, my, like my first open mic or whatever, I was probably like 24, 25.

• 51:27Andrew Santino?

  Oh, okay. You knew early.

• 51:28Speaker 07

  Yeah, but I was such a booze hound that I like sticked around for a long time.

• 51:33Andrew Santino?

  Well, everybody. But also because you're so unsure of what it is.

• 51:35Speaker 07

  Yeah.

• 51:36Andrew Santino?

  You kind of fall through the thing.

• 51:37Speaker 07

  That's so true. You just start like calling yourself a comedian. You do an open mic and you're like, "I'm a stand-up comedian now. Are you?"

• 51:42Andrew Santino?

  It's hard to commit when it's not real yet.

• 51:44Speaker 07

  Yeah.

• 51:44Andrew Santino?

  You're kind of like... You're hoping it comes to fruition. But that's why I think a lot of us kind of avoid it. That's why you like drink or party or like you fuck around so much in your twenties, cuz you're like, if it doesn't work out, I'll feel less bad. Cuz then you can go, "Oh, I was fucking around."

• 51:57Speaker 07

  I was just kidding. I didn't mean it.

• 51:59Andrew Santino?

  Fuckin', I don't wanna do that shit.

• 52:00Speaker 07

  I know. Then you like dig your heels in, you're like, "No, I really wanna do this."

• 52:03Andrew Santino?

  You don't have a choice. Then you have to really go for it.

• 52:05Speaker 07

  Yep.

• 52:05Andrew Santino?

  And if you fail then, then you're like,

• 52:07Speaker 07

  It's humiliating.

• 52:08Andrew Santino?

  End up in a trailer down there in Florida. "No, I'm stop, I'm sorry." I keep referencing it cuz it just makes sense. Bob was a comedian.

• 52:14Speaker 07

  He was funny.

• 52:15Andrew Santino?

  Bob was a comedian. Was it? Yeah, I'm sure. The funniest guy does end up in a trailer.

• 52:18Speaker 07

  He would repeat the same jokes. He would like bend his straw, his cocktail, and be like, "I got a drinking problem."

• 52:23Andrew Santino?

  Oh my god, Bob. Dad jokes are great, though. Gimme another dad joke. Does he have a one that he used to give me?

• 52:30Speaker 07

  He got really fat. He's like, "I'm so fat, I'm running out of skin."

• 52:34Andrew Santino?

  So dumb. Dad jokes are so good for some reason. They're just...

• 52:38Speaker 07

  He would say it all the time. He would repeat them, like they were brand new to us.

• 52:42Andrew Santino?

  And you left.

• 52:42Speaker 07

  Of course.

• 52:44Andrew Santino?

  Rest in peace, Bob. I'm so sorry. We even defamed you a little bit on this show.

• 52:47Speaker 07

  He'd love it. He's laughing right now. He'd love it. He loved the tension.

• 52:50Andrew Santino?

  Where do you think he is right now?

• 52:51Speaker 07

  He's in heaven, for sure. He had good intentions. He just...

• 52:55Andrew Santino?

  Well, you're not a Catholic anymore, are you?

• 52:57Speaker 07

  I don't know. Lately, I've been like kinda believing. I don't know what it is, something. I've been believing.

• 53:01Andrew Santino?

  You mean you believe in something again?

• 53:02Speaker 07

  Yeah.

• 53:03Andrew Santino?

  That's a good sign.

• 53:04Speaker 07

  Is it?

• 53:05Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, you can't fall through life being a, you know, dissonant forever.

• 53:08Speaker 07

  I don't know. Yeah, I try to be like generous. I try to do like acts of service and stuff.

• 53:12Andrew Santino?

  What are you doing for acts of service?

• 53:13Speaker 07

  Um, I just like, I try to offer my time to people when it's available.

• 53:18Andrew Santino?

  For help in any way.

• 53:19Speaker 07

  Yeah, like just like Joe and Sarah. Like Joe was like on the road, and this is like one example or whatever. And I just hit Sarah up and I go, "Hey, I have time this morning. If you wanna go like take a workout class, I'm happy to like come watch Marty."

• 53:30Andrew Santino?

  Oh my god. That's really sweet.

• 53:33Speaker 07

  And she took me up on it, you know? And then there's endorphins all around, like that begets, you know, happiness begets other happiness.

• 53:40Andrew Santino?

  This is very cool.

• 53:41Speaker 07

  Is it?

• 53:41Andrew Santino?

  I found myself in this, in this nook. I'm doing this.

• 53:44Speaker 07

  It feels good, right?

• 53:45Andrew Santino?

  I'm doing it more. I'm trying to do more charity shit.

• 53:47Speaker 07

  Yeah, it's, it's, people don't realize how like time itself, like just being generous with your time. You don't have to have money to be generous.

• 53:53Andrew Santino?

  No, no, it costs nothing. You just have to like want to do that. You just have to like give yourself to do it, you know?

• 53:59Speaker 07

  Like have the idea and actually be like, "I'm actually gonna offer this. I'm not just gonna like think about it."

• 54:04Andrew Santino?

  Right, but people feel... You might be wanting something in return.

• 54:07Speaker 07

  They do.

• 54:08Andrew Santino?

  A lot of people, not, not all. I'm sure they don't.

• 54:10Speaker 07

  Nope.

• 54:11Andrew Santino?

  But a lot of people do feel it's disingenuous because there's a lot of that today where it's a lot of me, me, me. Everything is me.

• 54:16Speaker 07

  I know, people are all playing like these like chess games, like I'll do this for you if you do this for me.

• 54:20Andrew Santino?

  Well, Instagram birthed that. I do believe the internet ruined genuine offers. Because now everything feels like it's tied to something else because people want. People want things. I think a lot of people now want things that are unobtainable.

• 54:34Speaker 07

  Yeah.

• 54:34Andrew Santino?

  But they think they are more than ever because the internet, it used to just be like.

• 54:37Speaker 07

  You're so right.

• 54:38Andrew Santino?

  I'm never gonna do that or look like that or have that or, and who cares?

• 54:40Speaker 07

  But then the pandemic happened and people got famous off TikTok for doing nothing and everybody thinks they can do it.

• 54:45Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, and you know what? They can.

• 54:46Speaker 07

  They can.

• 54:47Andrew Santino?

  That's the craziest part. Let them, do whatever you want to do.

• 54:49Speaker 07

  Fart in a jar.

• 54:51Andrew Santino?

  Fart in a jar. Have you done this?

• 54:53Speaker 07

  No, I'm not against it. I follow a lady who does.

• 54:57Andrew Santino?

  She farts in a jar?

• 54:58Speaker 07

  And sells it.

• 54:59Andrew Santino?

  How much?

• 55:00Speaker 07

  She's rich. I, I don't know. Do you want me to put you in touch?

• 55:02Andrew Santino?

  She farts in a jar and got rich from it?

• 55:04Speaker 07

  Yes.

• 55:04Andrew Santino?

  And guys just huff it?

• 55:06Speaker 07

  They must.

• 55:07Andrew Santino?

  No, I think a lot of guys just keep because it's a funny bit.

• 55:09Speaker 07

  I think they like see the video and they're like, that's my fart. She did that one for me.

• 55:13Andrew Santino?

  That's mine.

• 55:14Speaker 07

  Yeah.

• 55:14Andrew Santino?

  That's, look at, that's our little fart.

• 55:16Speaker 07

  Grabbing a kiss?

• 55:16Andrew Santino?

  That's our little fart. Well, you can't open it up, then you lose the fart.

• 55:19Speaker 07

  Ooh, good point.

• 55:20Andrew Santino?

  See?

• 55:21Speaker 07

  Now you're thinking like a leprechaun.

• 55:24Andrew Santino?

  But I'll tell you, that is bad for her business-wise because you don't, you don't get returning customers.

• 55:28Speaker 07

  Right, one fart and you're out.

• 55:29Andrew Santino?

  Right, that's bad, uh, what is that called? Repeat, you don't have, the repeat customer ratio is terrible. You really need them to come back.

• 55:35Speaker 07

  You really think like a businessman.

• 55:37Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, I do. That's my whole job. Not good at comedy, I gotta think about the business part of it all.

• 55:41Speaker 07

  Money, money, money.

• 55:42Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, see, I do, I will say, that's what I would do. I'd put an expiration date on the fart and be like, you know, this does wear off after a week, so you should order a new one. Or it'll be a little tiny hole, it slowly leaks as soon as you get it.

• 55:51Speaker 07

  Yeah.

• 55:51Andrew Santino?

  The fart's out, dude. Fart's out of the bag. Fart's out of the jar.

• 55:55Speaker 07

  This is good stuff.

• 55:56Andrew Santino?

  If you fart's out of the jar, you might as well.

• 55:58Speaker 07

  You're thinking of like tagline?

• 56:00Andrew Santino?

  Have any guys come up, have done successful OnlyFans stuff?

• 56:03Speaker 07

  No, unfortunately, there's just not the audience.

• 56:06Andrew Santino?

  There's gotta be. You think there's a bunch of lonely, older women that wouldn't want to see a young, hot guy?

• 56:10Speaker 07

  We're not paying for it though, like.

• 56:11Andrew Santino?

  You're not an older, lonely woman.

• 56:13Speaker 07

  Yeah, I was like, that's directly at me.

• 56:15Andrew Santino?

  No, talking about those divorcees in like their 60s and, you know, they're not gonna get married again. Like, I was talking to my buddy the other night about his mom, you know, the dad passed away and. I asked if his mom would ever go seek love again and he was like, no fucking way dude. She would never. This is it for her. I think there's a lot of women that are like that.

• 56:32Speaker 07

  Yeah.

• 56:32Andrew Santino?

  And she needs a little bit of love too. She needs something fun. Let's make something just for women who are, you know, widows.

• 56:40Speaker 07

  Yeah. Maybe if they have like, you know, some disposable income, maybe, maybe they'd be into it. I just don't know if the supply and demand is there, really.

• 56:48Andrew Santino?

  I guess I'll cancel that business plan then. I was thinking about it pretty heavily.

• 56:51Speaker 07

  You could pencil it and, you know, come back to it.

• 56:55Speaker 07

  Like maybe older gay guys buying like stuff from like twinkie guys, you know?

• 57:00Andrew Santino?

  I've had requests from some guys.

• 57:01Speaker 07

  I bet you have.

• 57:02Andrew Santino?

  I've had a couple, but I just can't fulfill it.

• 57:04Speaker 07

  They send you the green outfit? Like, just put this on.

• 57:07Andrew Santino?

  Put it on, yeah. I will put it on, I just won't take the pictures.

• 57:11Speaker 07

  It's free.

• 57:11Andrew Santino?

  I sent it. I, I, I, I just, I sent it back. I, I can't do it. There was a guy for a long time who was sending me wiener dick pics all the time in my DMs, yeah.

• 57:20Speaker 07

  I don't like a dick pic.

• 57:21Andrew Santino?

  In my request folder, yeah.

• 57:23Speaker 07

  I don't know, it's, for some reason.

• 57:25Andrew Santino?

  Well, it's not, no, no, no one has a nice, no one has a nice enough penis to translate. It's almost like the Grand Canyon. It looks nice in person, but on a photo, you're like, that's, who cares?

• 57:33Speaker 07

  I don't want that veiny thing. I don't like that you like it.

• 57:37Andrew Santino?

  Penises?

• 57:38Speaker 07

  Yeah, like I-

• 57:38Andrew Santino?

  I don't really like them, no.

• 57:39Speaker 07

  No, not you, but like the person sending them. I don't like that they're like, yeah.

• 57:43Andrew Santino?

  I think they like the idea of, of, of, uh, it's almost like, you don't, I think, guys that send a lot of dick pics, it's not because they feel like it's gonna get sexualized. I think it's a point of, uh, it's like power. It's like, look at my cock.

• 57:57Speaker 07

  Oh yeah, you're right, yeah.

• 57:59Andrew Santino?

  It's like a power thing for men.

• 58:00Speaker 07

  Sometimes they're like long and skinny though. Sometimes it feels like a prank.

• 58:03Andrew Santino?

  Like this, like a little tube?

• 58:04Speaker 07

  Like a noodle.

• 58:05Andrew Santino?

  A little twizzler?

• 58:05Speaker 07

  Yeah.

• 58:06Andrew Santino?

  Like a noodle?

• 58:07Speaker 07

  Like ramen.

• 58:08Andrew Santino?

  Have you had someone send you a dick pic and it's like very, very small? Like comically small? That's a good bit.

• 58:12Speaker 07

  That's a prank.

• 58:13Andrew Santino?

  See, that's funny. I think that's funny.

• 58:15Speaker 07

  That's a good prank.

• 58:16Andrew Santino?

  I think that's, way too small dick is so much funnier as a photo than a big dick.

• 58:19Speaker 07

  That's like a lot of the naked roast battlers, cause I judge the naked roast battles at Skank Fest.

• 58:24Andrew Santino?

  There's a naked roast battle?

• 58:25Speaker 07

  Yeah, you gotta come. You gotta come.

• 58:27Andrew Santino?

  I know, they keep asking me, gotta go, I gotta go. And every time they're like, come. Every time I'm always like, I'm on the road, I'm doing shows.

• 58:33Speaker 07

  Yeah.

• 58:34Andrew Santino?

  When is it? Where's Vegas again?

• 58:35Speaker 07

  No, it's New Orleans.

• 58:36Andrew Santino?

  Oh, my least favorite city. No, I'm kidding. No, I'm kidding, I'm kidding.

• 58:41Speaker 07

  I've only been once.

• 58:42Andrew Santino?

  Yeah. No, no, it's fine. It's a fun city.

• 58:45Speaker 07

  It's like November. Third week in November?

• 58:47Andrew Santino?

  I shit my tooth on a crawfish down there.

• 58:49Speaker 07

  Did you?

• 58:49Andrew Santino?

  Wow, this front one is really embarrassing. It's got a cap on it now. Or a bond or whatever. Got it bonded. It was high.

• 58:55Speaker 07

  But a lot of those naked roast battlers have micro penises.

• 58:58Andrew Santino?

  Well, that's what they're so good at writing jokes.

• 58:59Speaker 07

  Yeah.

• 59:00Andrew Santino?

  You gotta have something.

• 59:01Speaker 07

  And it'll be like a little like Bob Ross Afro and then like the penis.

• 59:04Andrew Santino?

  With the little tiny penis?

• 59:05Speaker 07

  The little penis.

• 59:06Andrew Santino?

  So why do they want to be naked so bad? Because they don't care at this point?

• 59:08Speaker 07

  They must just not have shame or something.

• 59:10Andrew Santino?

  What about the chicks?

• 59:11Speaker 07

  Chicks are hot. A lot of the chicks look good.

• 59:13Andrew Santino?

  That's why they do it?

• 59:14Speaker 07

  Yep.

• 59:14Andrew Santino?

  Because they're hot and they're like, "I want you to see my body."

• 59:16Speaker 07

  And some of them are very good roast joke writers. There's this one chick, Lexi, who's got a perfect pair of huge tits and she just kills.

• 59:24Andrew Santino?

  Lexi?

• 59:25Speaker 07

  Yeah.

• 59:26Andrew Santino?

  And what do they do this for? They do this on where? Where do you do this?

• 59:29Speaker 07

  So it's like a closed show, like nobody's allowed to have their phones.

• 59:31Andrew Santino?

  At Skank Fest?

• 59:32Speaker 07

  At Skank Fest.

• 59:33Andrew Santino?

  And they put their phones in the bags or whatever?

• 59:34Speaker 07

  They'll bag the phones, you know, they make you pinky swear not to describe anyone's genitalia on a podcast.

• 59:42Andrew Santino?

  We're gonna put the guy's name up right here.

• 59:44Speaker 07

  But yeah, it's super fun.

• 59:45Andrew Santino?

  But a micro penis is so weird. Do you get naked when you judge?

• 59:48Speaker 07

  I just get topless because I don't want my pussy out.

• 59:50Andrew Santino?

  Right.

• 59:51Speaker 07

  I don't want like, what if like a bug crawls in there or something?

• 59:54Andrew Santino?

  It's not even a real thing.

• 59:54Speaker 07

  I don't want to sit on.

• 59:55Andrew Santino?

  You think a bug wants to go in there?

• 59:56Speaker 07

  Yeah.

• 59:59Speaker 07

  It is one of my fears. You know they like pull like, I saw this video, they pulled like a crab out of a kid's ear the other day.

• 1:00:05Andrew Santino?

  I did see that on the, that's really creepy.

• 1:00:07Speaker 07

  I just worry that like, I don't, that's why I'm not really into camping. I don't know.

• 1:00:11Andrew Santino?

  No, you're also not a kid. You're like lying in the dirt sideways.

• 1:00:16Speaker 07

  I might be though.

• 1:00:16Andrew Santino?

  Kids are gross little pigs.

• 1:00:17Speaker 07

  The last guy I dated was very poor. He might have made me go camping if I stayed in that.

• 1:00:22Andrew Santino?

  How do, who's this guy?

• 1:00:23Speaker 07

  He was an open mic'er with a stage name.

• 1:00:27Andrew Santino?

  Thinking about it now, huh?

• 1:00:30Speaker 07

  No, it was, um, I'm, I have a problem. I fall in love too fast and hard.

• 1:00:35Andrew Santino?

  You do, yeah, you love bomb and all that shit?

• 1:00:37Speaker 07

  I, well, I guess, I don't know. I won't say I fall in love that fast, but like once I'm in love, it's hard to get me out of it. Like you can like treat me bad and I'll be like, "He doesn't mean it."

• 1:00:47Andrew Santino?

  No one's ever hit you though?

• 1:00:48Speaker 07

  No, nobody's ever hit me. But I somehow, I've been saying this, I respond to bad behavior. I think because like my dad was like, like not very communicative, not very overly emotional, not flowery language. But like I know how much my dad loves me, like would like die for me.

• 1:01:02Andrew Santino?

  Yeah.

• 1:01:03Speaker 07

  I used to practice my monologues in front of him and he would keep his eyes shut. And my mom's like, "What are you doing? Like, watch her." And he goes, "No, no, no, I can hear her better this way if I keep my eyes shut."

• 1:01:11Andrew Santino?

  Probably true. You're hard to look at, but you're nice to listen to. I like your dad.

• 1:01:17Speaker 07

  I feel like with guys, if they kind of like breadcrumb me a little bit, I really respond.

• 1:01:22Andrew Santino?

  The Hansel and Gretel of it all.

• 1:01:24Speaker 07

  It sucks though, because if a guy's like really into me and is like, "You're the best, you're so beautiful, let me treat you great," I'm like, "You suck."

• 1:01:30Andrew Santino?

  And you're a liar.

• 1:01:31Speaker 07

  And you're a liar.

• 1:01:32Andrew Santino?

  No, yeah, if he's too nice, it's a turn off. You want to be abused.

• 1:01:37Speaker 07

  A little. I want to be like abused, but then like once in a while, you're nice.

• 1:01:40Andrew Santino?

  Give me sweetness sometimes.

• 1:01:41Speaker 07

  Yeah, because then it feels like I earned it.

• 1:01:43Andrew Santino?

  Well, let's not share that, because then guys are going to be dicks to you now. For now, everyone's going to see this and be like, "Fuck you." You like me? Do you like me now?

• 1:01:52Speaker 07

  You're playing a character and I'm like, "Yeah."

• 1:01:54Andrew Santino?

  Yeah. What's the longest you've been in a relationship?

• 1:01:57Speaker 07

  Oh, I was, I dated a guy for like almost eight years, like bless you. I'm like, my whole twenties.

• 1:02:04Andrew Santino?

  You lived together?

• 1:02:05Speaker 07

  Yeah.

• 1:02:06Andrew Santino?

  Terrible, huh?

• 1:02:07Speaker 07

  Yeah, it was really bad. I was like, I had just realized I was an alcoholic. We were a mess.

• 1:02:11Andrew Santino?

  Not a comic.

• 1:02:13Speaker 07

  No, he was an actor.

• 1:02:16Speaker 07

  And then he tried to do stand-up after we broke up. And I actually even tried to help him a little bit, but he failed.

• 1:02:22Andrew Santino?

  Okay, so that didn't end well. Is he still an actor?

• 1:02:26Speaker 07

  Yeah. But, you know, he's still a bartender, too.

• 1:02:30Andrew Santino?

  Uh-oh, meanie meanie. Meanie meanie. Are you friends with any of your exes? No?

• 1:02:36Speaker 07

  Yeah. Um, I dated Louis J. Gomez, we are friends. I dated, um, a guy I'm going to see tomorrow.

• 1:02:42Andrew Santino?

  Here in LA?

• 1:02:43Speaker 07

  Here in LA, yes. We dated while he lived in New York.

• 1:02:46Andrew Santino?

  Do I know him?

• 1:02:47Speaker 07

  Nope, he's not a comic.

• 1:02:48Andrew Santino?

  Okay.

• 1:02:49Speaker 07

  He's a personal trainer. I'm going to go work out tomorrow with him.

• 1:02:52Andrew Santino?

  What's his initials?

• 1:02:54Speaker 07

  T M.

• 1:02:56Andrew Santino?

  Tommy.

• 1:02:56Speaker 07

  Yeah. He's so hot, but we came from very different backgrounds. We were never going to work.

• 1:03:03Andrew Santino?

  This is like, uh, Bronxdale?

• 1:03:05Speaker 07

  Yeah.

• 1:03:05Andrew Santino?

  He was black, I wasn't.

• 1:03:07Speaker 07

  He was a trust fund kid.

• 1:03:08Andrew Santino?

  Oh.

• 1:03:11Andrew Santino?

  What didn't work about that, that sounds great.

• 1:03:13Speaker 07

  So the thing about trust fund kids is like,

• 1:03:15Andrew Santino?

  Get that money.

• 1:03:16Speaker 07

  They're cheap though, because it's not their money.

• 1:03:19Andrew Santino?

  Not yet.

• 1:03:20Speaker 07

  I know, but I don't have the patience.

• 1:03:21Andrew Santino?

  You don't wait for the die- for them to die?

• 1:03:23Speaker 07

  He yelled at me, he's like, "I'll buy you a fucking house if you just chill out."

• 1:03:26Andrew Santino?

  Well, why don't you chill out?

• 1:03:27Speaker 07

  I couldn't.

• 1:03:28Andrew Santino?

  Cause you're gonna have a house. But you'd have to live in LA, you're not moving to LA.

• 1:03:31Speaker 07

  I'd also have to like, you know, his, like, like his mom, like, that's where the money was coming from.

• 1:03:36Andrew Santino?

  Well, when they die, you don't, they're gone. You just wait till them to die.

• 1:03:39Speaker 07

  She's still with us, I don't know.

• 1:03:41Andrew Santino?

  Oh, she is? Oh, nevermind, that wasn't gonna work. You hate LA or you like LA?

• 1:03:44Speaker 07

  I like LA.

• 1:03:45Andrew Santino?

  Good.

• 1:03:46Speaker 07

  Yeah.

• 1:03:46Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, that's nice.

• 1:03:47Speaker 07

  I, I think-

• 1:03:47Andrew Santino?

  Say nice things about us, we're low right now.

• 1:03:49Speaker 07

  Why are you guys feeling down?

• 1:03:51Andrew Santino?

  No, no, we're just, the city's on the bottom of the barrel, I mean, it's just not working.

• 1:03:54Speaker 07

  What do you think it needs? I'll tell you what, Lifetime gyms, I belong to Lifetime, they're in every other goddamn city except for this one.

• 1:04:01Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, we got a lot of other bullshit gyms here.

• 1:04:03Speaker 07

  You got other bullshit, but they want, want me to like, come in for an assessment and do a trial, I can't-

• 1:04:07Andrew Santino?

  I don't know, I don't, I don't go to those, I don't do that shit.

• 1:04:10Speaker 07

  What else? What do you think you guys need to, a, a re-

• 1:04:13Andrew Santino?

  For the government, just the local government to stop fucking around and letting people shoot shit everywhere else, make, get Hollywood back here.

• 1:04:18Speaker 07

  Yeah.

• 1:04:18Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, stop fucking around. You know, they keep letting these tax breaks go and people are shooting everything everywhere else but here. So it's just taking away money from this place.

• 1:04:25Speaker 07

  Yeah.

• 1:04:25Andrew Santino?

  All these fucking hardcore lefty liberal liars that live in the city, and they're all fine with shooting outside of the city.

• 1:04:31Speaker 07

  Right.

• 1:04:32Andrew Santino?

  These are the loudmouth fuckheads that should be piping up the most and going, "Shoot in LA."

• 1:04:35Speaker 07

  So where-

• 1:04:36Andrew Santino?

  Get filming back to LA, and they say they are, but they're fucking not, because every one of these actors will take any job no matter where it is. They have no, they pretend like they have these moral high grounds, but they're fucking liars. They get on award shows and say all this bullshit about politics, and then they won't stand up for the only city that birthed Hollywood and that supported their careers when they were young. They're all sellout liars, Hollywood is fucking liars.

• 1:04:56Speaker 07

  Phonies.

• 1:04:57Andrew Santino?

  And they, and they, yeah, they posture, they, they pick the, they pick the, uh- The social thing to care about.

• 1:05:02Speaker 07

  Whatever caused.

• 1:05:03Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, if it's cool, if it's cool.

• 1:05:04Speaker 07

  In the moment.

• 1:05:05Andrew Santino?

  But the city is falling apart. People who work real jobs here in the business can't afford to live here. You know, grips, gaffers, electricity, like people who like really build fucking Hollywood.

• 1:05:14Speaker 07

  Right.

• 1:05:14Andrew Santino?

  There's no jobs here right now. I mean, it's fucking empty. I mean, the job scene is low.

• 1:05:17Speaker 07

  So they're taking tax breaks to shoot in other places?

• 1:05:20Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, huge tax fucking breaks. Dude, Australia, I shot a movie down there. These months, they give you fucking tons of money back. Hungary, Budapest, they shoot a bunch. In Atlanta, they shoot in the States. They shoot in Vancouver in Canada all the fucking time.

• 1:05:32Speaker 07

  Right.

• 1:05:32Andrew Santino?

  They'll shoot anywhere but LA.

• 1:05:34Speaker 07

  And you've got all these studios here.

• 1:05:36Andrew Santino?

  So much new shit right here in Burbank, not too far away. They've, they built all these new stages. I don't know what they're planning. Maybe those are bunkers for rich people when the fucking revolution happens. But I just feel like it's, it's like, where is all these jobs? I don't feel like there's a lot of work. I don't see a lot of people working.

• 1:05:49Speaker 07

  Because the people writing the scripts live here, a lot of them, no?

• 1:05:52Andrew Santino?

  Everybody lives here. I mean, I, not as much anymore. A lot of people left. Pandemic shaved this place down.

• 1:05:57Speaker 07

  Yeah.

• 1:05:58Andrew Santino?

  Pandemic and then the, and then the writer's strike.

• 1:06:00Speaker 07

  People.

• 1:06:00Andrew Santino?

  There's a lot of creators still here, of course. But I mean, I think like those people that have a lot of money who have lived here for years, they're fine. But you're talking about the people who make Hollywood happen for real.

• 1:06:08Speaker 07

  Yeah.

• 1:06:09Andrew Santino?

  Like the, the fucking worker bees.

• 1:06:10Speaker 07

  Right.

• 1:06:11Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, how, how are they gonna stay living in this fucking place?

• 1:06:13Speaker 07

  Without jobs.

• 1:06:14Andrew Santino?

  Also, you know, like PAs or assistants or people that are doing the actual groundwork, like the real fucking humans of the city. How can they afford to rip off rent when there's no jobs for even, and even if they do get a fucking job? The, they're, a, a one bedroom apartment is, you know, three grand or whatever, twenty five hundred in the city somewhere.

• 1:06:33Speaker 07

  Yeah.

• 1:06:33Andrew Santino?

  You know, you can move way out.

• 1:06:34Speaker 07

  Yeah.

• 1:06:35Andrew Santino?

  But it's a fucking rip off.

• 1:06:36Speaker 07

  And the jobs are like, it's not necessarily steady. It's like you get one, then you don't know when your next one's gonna be.

• 1:06:41Andrew Santino?

  And it used to be more flush because there was more work here.

• 1:06:44Speaker 07

  Yeah.

• 1:06:44Andrew Santino?

  But you, so you could bounce, a lot of people could bounce, you know?

• 1:06:47Speaker 07

  Right.

• 1:06:47Andrew Santino?

  I don't know if that's a thing. I mean, and I, you know, so I don't know. So I love this city, but I'm also fucking mad at it.

• 1:06:53Speaker 07

  Right.

• 1:06:53Andrew Santino?

  And people are like, then just move. It's like, well, that's easier to say.

• 1:06:56Speaker 07

  I know.

• 1:06:57Andrew Santino?

  I hate when people are just leave. It's like, you can't fucking uproot your entire life.

• 1:07:00Speaker 07

  No.

• 1:07:00Andrew Santino?

  We also built this podcast and the, and we built the studio. We employ people. Like, what are we gonna fuck them off in this space?

• 1:07:06Speaker 07

  Abandon them?

• 1:07:07Andrew Santino?

  We don't do that. What do we do? We help.

• 1:07:09Speaker 07

  We help.

• 1:07:10Andrew Santino?

  We help each other. Anyway, I'm gonna move to New York. Can I move in? Can we move in with you?

• 1:07:14Speaker 07

  Yes.

• 1:07:14Andrew Santino?

  My wife and I move into your apartment?

• 1:07:15Speaker 07

  Of course, I have an aerobed. You guys can have the living room?

• 1:07:19Andrew Santino?

  That's not gonna cut it.

• 1:07:19Speaker 07

  No?

• 1:07:20Andrew Santino?

  No.

• 1:07:20Speaker 07

  Alright, we can move into a two bedroom. I've been scouting one on the thirty first floor. They just raised my rent.

• 1:07:27Andrew Santino?

  Thirty first floor is the same building?

• 1:07:28Speaker 07

  Yeah.

• 1:07:29Andrew Santino?

  In battery?

• 1:07:29Speaker 07

  Yeah.

• 1:07:30Andrew Santino?

  Yeah.

• 1:07:30Speaker 07

  Um, and they just raised my rent and I countered, I was like, how about I pay what you guys want me to like pay? But I moved to that apartment on the thirty first floor.

• 1:07:39Andrew Santino?

  Ooh.

• 1:07:39Speaker 07

  And they were like, lol. Like, that's going for seven grand.

• 1:07:43Andrew Santino?

  Nice try, bitch. Seven grand for a?

• 1:07:45Speaker 07

  For a two bedroom in my building.

• 1:07:46Andrew Santino?

  Yeah. What's the one bedroom in there?

• 1:07:48Speaker 07

  I pay forty eight.

• 1:07:50Andrew Santino?

  It's a lot of money, kiddo.

• 1:07:51Speaker 07

  I know, I know.

• 1:07:52Andrew Santino?

  You got it.

• 1:07:52Speaker 07

  But I love it.

• 1:07:53Andrew Santino?

  Yeah.

• 1:07:54Speaker 07

  I'm happy there.

• 1:07:55Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, no, you do whatever makes you happy.

• 1:07:56Speaker 07

  Yeah.

• 1:07:57Andrew Santino?

  Whatever makes you happy.

• 1:07:58Speaker 07

  I think about moving sometimes, you know, I'm like, oh my god, I could pay, you know, a third of this and like live, I don't know.

• 1:08:05Andrew Santino?

  Where, Jersey?

• 1:08:05Speaker 07

  Jersey, or, you know, sometimes I think like, maybe I'll just go out into the woods, I'll get my license, I'll bring mayball.

• 1:08:12Andrew Santino?

  You're not doing that.

• 1:08:13Speaker 07

  I'll work the road.

• 1:08:14Andrew Santino?

  You're not doing that.

• 1:08:15Speaker 07

  Nah, I'm not doing that.

• 1:08:16Andrew Santino?

  That's such a pipe dream, like you can live upstate.

• 1:08:18Speaker 07

  Yeah.

• 1:08:19Andrew Santino?

  You're not.

• 1:08:19Speaker 07

  I know.

• 1:08:20Andrew Santino?

  You're not Bobby Kelly.

• 1:08:21Speaker 07

  What, I have my tiny house.

• 1:08:22Andrew Santino?

  You're not doing, you're not, you're not gonna be, that's not you.

• 1:08:26Speaker 07

  I don't even-

• 1:08:27Andrew Santino?

  Well, right now, as you're single, maybe if you do, if you settle with someone, yeah, maybe.

• 1:08:30Speaker 07

  Yeah.

• 1:08:31Andrew Santino?

  That's not out of the question, but I mean, now it'd be weird.

• 1:08:33Speaker 07

  I know, I can't do it now.

• 1:08:34Andrew Santino?

  Be a solo chickadee out in the middle of nowhere?

• 1:08:37Speaker 07

  No, not when I have-

• 1:08:37Andrew Santino?

  You're waiting, there's a horror movie waiting for that to fucking go down.

• 1:08:40Speaker 07

  No, I have my nice little family unit with me, Joe List, Sarah Tolomash.

• 1:08:44Andrew Santino?

  Beautiful.

• 1:08:44Speaker 07

  We're Threes Company.

• 1:08:45Andrew Santino?

  What else do you need? Yeah, you're raising their kid.

• 1:08:48Speaker 07

  I'm influencing him. I taught him the N-word very early.

• 1:08:52Andrew Santino?

  What a story he has to tell. My aunt was a lunatic when I was young. It's funny, then they'll find out that you're not his real aunt at some point, you know, does he call you like?

• 1:09:01Speaker 07

  Yeah.

• 1:09:01Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, isn't that weird? Like, I had my uncle Ira. First of all, Ira, Jewish.

• 1:09:07Speaker 07

  Yeah.

• 1:09:07Andrew Santino?

  None of us are Jewish.

• 1:09:08Speaker 07

  Where'd that guy come from? He must've been married in.

• 1:09:09Andrew Santino?

  One of my dad's high school friends, he's not my uncle, I'm saying.

• 1:09:11Speaker 07

  Oh, he's not your uncle, I see, I see.

• 1:09:12Andrew Santino?

  We called him uncle, but he wasn't our uncle.

• 1:09:13Speaker 07

  Yeah.

• 1:09:13Andrew Santino?

  He's a gay Jewish guy. And I was like, Uncle Ira's different than literally everybody in our entire family. I didn't know he wasn't my uncle until like, until I started to understand the concept of uncle means father's brother.

• 1:09:24Speaker 07

  Right.

• 1:09:25Andrew Santino?

  Cause I just thought uncle meant someone in your fam- that could've been anybody in your family.

• 1:09:27Speaker 07

  Okay.

• 1:09:28Andrew Santino?

  When I was a kid, and then, then you learn what that word means, and you're like, oh, he's not an uncle, but we call him uncle, but he's just what, he's around, he's a- And how do we know him? Is he part of our blood at all?

• 1:09:36Speaker 07

  No, he's just hanging around.

• 1:09:38Andrew Santino?

  He's a gay Jewish guy that my dad loved.

• 1:09:39Speaker 07

  Yeah.

• 1:09:40Speaker 00

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• 1:11:10Speaker 07

  I had an Uncle Vinny that married in, married my Aunt Karen, and he was weird. We didn't like him.

• 1:11:16Andrew Santino?

  Yeah.

• 1:11:16Speaker 07

  He was out pretty quick, though.

• 1:11:18Andrew Santino?

  You kicked him out?

• 1:11:18Speaker 07

  She got rid of him.

• 1:11:20Andrew Santino?

  She was like, "Move out, Vin."

• 1:11:21Speaker 07

  And now she married a new guy later in life, and his name's Steve, and I call him Uncle Steve, and nobody told me to.

• 1:11:27Andrew Santino?

  You just like that.

• 1:11:28Speaker 07

  I like calling him Uncle Steve.

• 1:11:29Andrew Santino?

  You like an Uncle Steve.

• 1:11:30Speaker 07

  Yeah. He's a good hang.

• 1:11:31Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, I like the de facto Uncle and Aunt theory. Like, you know, you marry into something, too, and you become like the uncle of a... But it's... At first, it's hard to... Some comic had a good bit about that. I'm trying to remember who of like... Yeah, like, I guess I'm an uncle to these.

• 1:11:47Speaker 07

  Yeah, wait, I know...

• 1:11:48Andrew Santino?

  Who has that?

• 1:11:49Speaker 07

  I think Dez, Dez Bishop, maybe.

• 1:11:51Andrew Santino?

  Oh, I thought it was Soder for some reason.

• 1:11:52Speaker 07

  Could be Soder. Love Soder.

• 1:11:55Andrew Santino?

  One of the best.

• 1:11:56Speaker 07

  Oh, he's the best. Him and Katie, such a good hang.

• 1:11:58Andrew Santino?

  One of the best. I'll go up to the department and talk shit for hours.

• 1:12:01Speaker 07

  Me too.

• 1:12:01Andrew Santino?

  It's one of my favorite things. Get a coffee, go up there for three hours and chat shit.

• 1:12:04Speaker 07

  Those two in a road trip, you don't have to say anything. Just let them rock.

• 1:12:07Andrew Santino?

  Let them rock, dude.

• 1:12:08Speaker 07

  It's like a radio station.

• 1:12:09Andrew Santino?

  See, that's when you need a joint. You just get high and listen to them fucking. Just go nuts.

• 1:12:13Speaker 07

  Go off, King and Queen.

• 1:12:14Andrew Santino?

  Stronger, probably the strongest comedy couple out there, and that's no disrespect to Joe and Sarah. I'm just saying.

• 1:12:19Speaker 07

  They're good.

• 1:12:19Andrew Santino?

  Katie and Soder can.

• 1:12:20Speaker 07

  They're a good hang.

• 1:12:21Andrew Santino?

  They're fucking good. Who's the worst comedy couple hang? Come on, this is fun.

• 1:12:25Speaker 07

  Oh my goodness. I don't know.

• 1:12:27Andrew Santino?

  Come on, yeah, you do.

• 1:12:28Speaker 07

  I'm trying to.

• 1:12:29Andrew Santino?

  I'm sure you got some of them.

• 1:12:30Speaker 07

  I mean, I know one, but I'm not saying it.

• 1:12:32Andrew Santino?

  I love it.

• 1:12:33Speaker 07

  I'm not.

• 1:12:33Andrew Santino?

  Save it.

• 1:12:34Speaker 07

  I'll tell you after, for sure. I, I mean, Bonnie and Rich are awesome.

• 1:12:37Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, both very funny.

• 1:12:39Speaker 07

  Those two are so good.

• 1:12:40Andrew Santino?

  Both lunatics, yeah.

• 1:12:41Speaker 07

  They're like meeting each other, then they like deflect off to like whoever else is in the green room, then they come back and they're like.

• 1:12:46Andrew Santino?

  That's fun.

• 1:12:47Speaker 07

  They just take shots.

• 1:12:47Andrew Santino?

  That's the kind of love we're all looking for.

• 1:12:49Speaker 07

  Yes.

• 1:12:49Andrew Santino?

  Is like hate-love.

• 1:12:51Speaker 07

  Yep.

• 1:12:51Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, you gotta hate-love somebody. We're gonna get you some hate-love. Guys, comment down below if you're interested in hate-loving.

• 1:12:59Andrew Santino?

  The fee.

• 1:13:01Speaker 07

  Pick an emoji. Comment with a knife.

• 1:13:03Andrew Santino?

  Yeah. Put a, put, put a, put the, uh, what is it? The eggplant knife?

• 1:13:08Speaker 07

  Yeah, yeah, yeah. Heart, flaming heart, eggplant knife.

• 1:13:11Andrew Santino?

  What's your over, your most overused emoji? Go into your thing, go into your texts and see. Show me the, give me the, give me the first couple.

• 1:13:17Speaker 07

  Right?

• 1:13:18Andrew Santino?

  Who gives a fuck?

• 1:13:19Speaker 07

  So I go, okay.

• 1:13:22Speaker 07

  Oh, Joel has texted me.

• 1:13:25Andrew Santino?

  What'd he say?

• 1:13:25Speaker 07

  He thinks my Comedy Store show is tonight.

• 1:13:27Andrew Santino?

  So I asked you the same thing.

• 1:13:29Speaker 07

  I know, but you guys both are promoting a show that's happening Wednesday. Um, my first two are both, this is so gay. Hearts, they're both heart. It's both two different colored hearts.

• 1:13:39Andrew Santino?

  Cornball.

• 1:13:40Speaker 07

  And then my next one's crying, laughing.

• 1:13:42Andrew Santino?

  That's your, on your, that's on your time, that's on the clock one, on the most used?

• 1:13:45Speaker 07

  I don't know what the clock one is.

• 1:13:46Andrew Santino?

  No, the little clock thing says the most recent used, when you hit the clock.

• 1:13:49Speaker 07

  What clock?

• 1:13:50Andrew Santino?

  Look right here, look, see the little clock? Look.

• 1:13:52Speaker 07

  Oh, this?

• 1:13:53Andrew Santino?

  That's the most recent used, yeah, click the clock. Okay, so that is.

• 1:13:56Speaker 07

  Yeah.

• 1:13:56Andrew Santino?

  So it's hard heart?

• 1:13:57Speaker 07

  Hard heart, lying, crying, laughing, big smile, yoga girl. Oh, wait.

• 1:14:02Andrew Santino?

  Yoga girl.

• 1:14:06Andrew Santino?

  And then I see, yeah, that's right, yeah. Back to, back to the old hits. Back to the hits. Mine is. Mine is my dog.

• 1:14:15Speaker 07

  Okay.

• 1:14:15Andrew Santino?

  I did one of these on my dog.

• 1:14:16Speaker 07

  Oh, you created an icon?

• 1:14:17Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, of my dog.

• 1:14:18Speaker 07

  What type of dog do you have?

• 1:14:20Andrew Santino?

  Just a little mutt slut.

• 1:14:21Speaker 07

  I love a mutt.

• 1:14:21Andrew Santino?

  Cocker spaniel, terrier, she's like nine things.

• 1:14:24Speaker 07

  Oh, cute.

• 1:14:24Andrew Santino?

  Then there's the 100.

• 1:14:26Speaker 07

  Oh, you're like 100%.

• 1:14:27Andrew Santino?

  Keep it a hundred.

• 1:14:28Speaker 07

  Yeah, I like that.

• 1:14:28Andrew Santino?

  And then the salute, which I do, I like saluting.

• 1:14:30Speaker 07

  I should use that one more.

• 1:14:31Andrew Santino?

  And then this one, have you seen this one? This is amazing, you're gonna like this one. This one's not... That, that was created, it's a butthole, it's, it's feet up with a butthole, I don't know if you guys can see that.

• 1:14:41Speaker 07

  I feel like that's in the update, maybe I didn't do that.

• 1:14:43Andrew Santino?

  No, it's not in the update. It's not from Tim Poole's collection, that's me. That's all me. Somebody made it and sent it to me.

• 1:14:49Speaker 07

  I do the finger, I do the nail painted a lot, too.

• 1:14:52Andrew Santino?

  I get that one.

• 1:14:52Speaker 07

  Have you done Story Wars?

• 1:14:54Andrew Santino?

  No.

• 1:14:55Speaker 07

  You would be so good on, you gotta do Story Wars.

• 1:14:57Andrew Santino?

  Oh, their show, Jay and, yeah.

• 1:14:58Speaker 07

  Jay and Lewis's.

• 1:14:59Andrew Santino?

  Dude, every time I've ever been to New York and they're always like, come do, and I'm, it's always, I'm always like, I'm gonna go to the Cellar and do a spot and, and go. It's also, New York for me is catching up with people I don't see as much.

• 1:15:09Speaker 07

  Right.

• 1:15:10Andrew Santino?

  And so like, I wanna do a little bit less work.

• 1:15:12Speaker 07

  I get it.

• 1:15:12Andrew Santino?

  Like, I'd rather just like... I sneak on a pod once in a while, but for the most part, it's like, I wanna go do shows at the Cellar.

• 1:15:18Speaker 07

  Yep.

• 1:15:18Andrew Santino?

  Go get a dinner with someone I haven't, I haven't seen in years.

• 1:15:21Speaker 07

  Yeah.

• 1:15:21Andrew Santino?

  And then kinda fart around, I'd like to walk around solo in New York and disappear. I know, cuz I just wanna be alone a lot of times down there.

• 1:15:27Speaker 07

  Okay.

• 1:15:28Andrew Santino?

  Cuz it's like...

• 1:15:29Speaker 07

  I feel like that here, though, too, and like, people are like, what are you doing? You wanna go on a hike? Do you wanna do this? You wanna go to the beach? I'm like, I've already done all, like...

• 1:15:35Andrew Santino?

  Just leave me alone.

• 1:15:36Speaker 07

  I'm like, you're probably not gonna wanna leave when I wanna leave.

• 1:15:38Andrew Santino?

  Right.

• 1:15:39Speaker 07

  I have to get to a podcast, I'm gonna ruin the time.

• 1:15:41Andrew Santino?

  See?

• 1:15:42Speaker 07

  I like that, too.

• 1:15:42Andrew Santino?

  You want the freedom to just fly.

• 1:15:44Speaker 07

  Yeah.

• 1:15:44Andrew Santino?

  This is kinda like vacation. It kinda feels like you're like, I'm on my own schedule, really.

• 1:15:48Speaker 07

  I'm allowed to take time for myself.

• 1:15:50Andrew Santino?

  You are.

• 1:15:50Speaker 07

  If I'm working.

• 1:15:51Andrew Santino?

  You need to take time for yourself.

• 1:15:53Speaker 07

  You gotta recharge.

• 1:15:53Andrew Santino?

  Otherwise, you're gonna end up...

• 1:15:54Speaker 07

  What's your sign?

• 1:15:55Andrew Santino?

  Huh?

• 1:15:55Speaker 07

  What's your astrological sign? When's your birthday? Don't get mad at me.

• 1:16:00Andrew Santino?

  You're gonna do this shit?

• 1:16:00Speaker 07

  It's an ancient practice, there are some truths to it.

• 1:16:04Andrew Santino?

  Can I tell you other ancient practices that didn't work out in the long run?

• 1:16:06Speaker 07

  Are you gonna bring up the Holocaust?

• 1:16:07Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, dude. That was not good.

• 1:16:10Speaker 07

  That wasn't practice, they perfected that.

• 1:16:12Andrew Santino?

  Oh, dad! Ring the bell.

• 1:16:16Andrew Santino?

  What is my sign? My birthday is in ten days.

• 1:16:19Speaker 07

  Um, oh, I don't know.

• 1:16:20Andrew Santino?

  October 16.

• 1:16:21Speaker 07

  I'm not that good. You're not a Scorpio, are you?

• 1:16:23Andrew Santino?

  No, ma'am.

• 1:16:24Speaker 07

  What's, not a Virgo?

• 1:16:25Andrew Santino?

  No, ma'am.

• 1:16:26Speaker 07

  What's the one in between Scorpio and Virgo? Libra?

• 1:16:29Andrew Santino?

  Libra.

• 1:16:30Speaker 07

  The ba- that's great, the scale. That's lovely.

• 1:16:32Andrew Santino?

  I mean, I don't, I don't believe in any of this nonsense.

• 1:16:34Speaker 07

  Alright, alright.

• 1:16:35Andrew Santino?

  What does it even mean? Somebody said that, oh, we were, I should say, this is funny. This, we were at a thing, and somebody's like, "Oh, I don't know if you know, but so-and-so's a triple Capricorn." And I was like, "What the fucking..."

• 1:16:50Speaker 07

  That's a triple goat.

• 1:16:51Andrew Santino?

  Triple Capricorn, and I kept going, "Trip Cap." And my buddy Pop kept going, "Trip Cap." Just making fun of it. I mean, it was just sweet and innocent, but it was like, "Trip Cap." And then one time I walked by him, I go, "Trip Cap," and he just like throws up the three as I walk away. I don't know what that means. I don't, I don't know any referential stuff to that word. It means nothing to me.

• 1:17:07Speaker 07

  Yeah.

• 1:17:07Andrew Santino?

  The Libra thing, all I know is that, um, I'm try- I try my best to be balanced.

• 1:17:12Speaker 07

  Yeah.

• 1:17:13Andrew Santino?

  But isn't that everybody's trying to be fucking balanced?

• 1:17:16Speaker 07

  Some people are better at it than others.

• 1:17:17Andrew Santino?

  I'm not, though.

• 1:17:18Speaker 07

  I think Geminis are actually crazy.

• 1:17:21Andrew Santino?

  What is that?

• 1:17:22Speaker 07

  That's the twins, the two-face. They're like...

• 1:17:25Andrew Santino?

  So behind your back, they, they're like, they say one thing and do another?

• 1:17:28Speaker 07

  Yeah, they'll flip their own personalities, and just be like, "Sorry, I'm a Gemini."

• 1:17:32Andrew Santino?

  Oh, and they're allowed to get away, and people go, "Well, you gotta let her do it, she's a Gemini."

• 1:17:35Speaker 07

  Right.

• 1:17:36Andrew Santino?

  What are you?

• 1:17:37Speaker 07

  I'm a Taurus.

• 1:17:38Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, you look like a Ford Taurus a little bit. Beat the shit.

• 1:17:42Speaker 07

  Boxy ass bitch.

• 1:17:43Andrew Santino?

  Boxy, beat the shit bitch. You're a Taurus, what does that mean? Is that the bull?

• 1:17:47Speaker 07

  That's the bull.

• 1:17:47Andrew Santino?

  What is that? You're like, no, see, you're, that's not you at all. You're definitely not the bull.

• 1:17:51Speaker 07

  I am so the bull.

• 1:17:52Andrew Santino?

  Like, mess with the bull, get the horns type of shit?

• 1:17:54Speaker 07

  No, like steadfast, loyal, grounded, earth sign.

• 1:17:58Andrew Santino?

  What does that have to do with a bull? Bulls are steadfast and loyal?

• 1:18:00Speaker 07

  Yes.

• 1:18:01Andrew Santino?

  Uh, where does this come from? This is ancient Chinese shit. See, we're going back to China. The La Booboo's got you mixed up.

• 1:18:05Speaker 07

  China La Booboo.

• 1:18:06Andrew Santino?

  The La Booboo's got you mixed up.

• 1:18:07Speaker 07

  China by La Booboo.

• 1:18:08Andrew Santino?

  China La Booboo.

• 1:18:10Speaker 07

  La Booboo.

• 1:18:11Andrew Santino?

  Yeah. I don't buy into any of that nonsense.

• 1:18:13Speaker 07

  Did you start, did you start watching those videos of that Chinese guy singing like pop songs?

• 1:18:17Andrew Santino?

  No.

• 1:18:17Speaker 07

  And hip-hop songs?

• 1:18:18Andrew Santino?

  No.

• 1:18:19Speaker 07

  I don't know, this guy's all over my algorithm right now.

• 1:18:20Andrew Santino?

  Does he say the N-word a lot?

• 1:18:21Speaker 07

  Yeah.

• 1:18:22Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, Chinese guy.

• 1:18:23Speaker 07

  He sings it. It's like a real like soft way of singing it, though.

• 1:18:25Andrew Santino?

  When Chinese guys do the N-word online, you're always like, "This is so funny."

• 1:18:28Speaker 07

  It's so funny.

• 1:18:29Andrew Santino?

  It gets sent around to everybody. You're like, "You gotta see this guy say the N-word, it's hilarious."

• 1:18:32Speaker 07

  It's hilarious.

• 1:18:33Andrew Santino?

  It's like somehow it dismantles how like offensive the word is, but it's like this Chinese guy, he doesn't speak English.

• 1:18:38Speaker 07

  He's joking.

• 1:18:38Andrew Santino?

  But he didn't even speak English.

• 1:18:39Speaker 07

  He has no idea what he's saying.

• 1:18:41Andrew Santino?

  No, just saying it dude, he doesn't mean it.

• 1:18:42Speaker 07

  I know.

• 1:18:42Andrew Santino?

  He doesn't know it.

• 1:18:43Speaker 07

  Nope.

• 1:18:44Andrew Santino?

  No, my algorithm is filled with like um.

• 1:18:46Speaker 07

  Oh yeah, I'm curious.

• 1:18:47Andrew Santino?

  Right now, I'll show you, let's go, open the talk.

• 1:18:49Speaker 07

  A lot of golf stuff probably.

• 1:18:51Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, golf bullshit. Uh, trying to prepare for a hangover, some guy eating terrible, you know.

• 1:18:56Speaker 07

  Prepare for one.

• 1:18:57Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, because he knows that you're going out hard at night. Uh, this is a guy looking, band, talking about a band, this is a guy t-shirt making, golf stuff.

• 1:19:05Speaker 07

  Golf.

• 1:19:06Andrew Santino?

  The trans paradox, I don't know what that is.

• 1:19:08Speaker 07

  Oh man, somebody took your phone.

• 1:19:09Andrew Santino?

  There's Norman and uh, Norman and fucking Sam.

• 1:19:13Speaker 07

  Yeah, mine's up so much comedy too.

• 1:19:15Andrew Santino?

  And this girl I've never even seen, and how does this keep popping up?

• 1:19:17Speaker 07

  Is that the Alex girl?

• 1:19:19Andrew Santino?

  They keep popping up, I've literally never ever seen that.

• 1:19:22Speaker 07

  I think that she just gets like shoved down our throats, somebody's in church.

• 1:19:25Andrew Santino?

  I'm dead serious, I see, that's what I think, that's China.

• 1:19:27Speaker 07

  I agree.

• 1:19:28Andrew Santino?

  And then this, love on the spectrum, oh, there's so much love on the spectrum stuff on this.

• 1:19:31Speaker 07

  Do you know the Tourette's girl?

• 1:19:33Andrew Santino?

  Oh, I love her so much, she's fantastic.

• 1:19:35Speaker 07

  She's so good.

• 1:19:36Andrew Santino?

  She has a show, right?

• 1:19:36Speaker 07

  Yep.

• 1:19:37Andrew Santino?

  She's great, wind it up! I used to like watching, yeah, that girl's fantastic. What's, why can't I think of her name?

• 1:19:43Speaker 07

  I can't either.

• 1:19:44Andrew Santino?

  I can see her when I close my eyes.

• 1:19:45Speaker 07

  The Tourette's girl, yeah, I just watched one of her videos.

• 1:19:47Andrew Santino?

  No, come on, I just saw the commercial, stop, I just saw the commercial for her show.

• 1:19:50Speaker 07

  Okay.

• 1:19:50Andrew Santino?

  Her show's called um. Bailey. Bailey, Bailey. No, that's not right. Fuck, Tourette's girl, that's not right.

• 1:20:02Speaker 07

  Hold on, because of the guy, another, a guy I'm talking to just sent me a clip.

• 1:20:10Andrew Santino?

  Balin.

• 1:20:10Speaker 07

  Balin, yeah.

• 1:20:14Speaker 07

  She punches her boyfriend in the dick.

• 1:20:18Andrew Santino?

  She's funny dude, that's what I'm saying.

• 1:20:19Speaker 07

  Balin out loud.

• 1:20:19Andrew Santino?

  Balin out loud, yeah. Wind it up!

• 1:20:21Speaker 07

  And her boyfriend.

• 1:20:22Andrew Santino?

  That's a huge dick, that's a huge bitch, she chose that.

• 1:20:24Speaker 07

  And her boyfriend is so cute.

• 1:20:26Andrew Santino?

  He's like a normal, regular dude, who just puts up with it.

• 1:20:28Speaker 07

  Yeah.

• 1:20:29Andrew Santino?

  I love that.

• 1:20:29Speaker 07

  He loves, he laughs at her.

• 1:20:31Andrew Santino?

  Now, do they get that way when they, like when they're getting intimate and shit, like if she's, if she's like, if she's hooking up?

• 1:20:35Speaker 07

  I thought you were gonna say, do they get that way after they get vaccinated?

• 1:20:37Andrew Santino?

  No, that's, is that Tylenol? That did that?

• 1:20:40Speaker 07

  What do you mean, when they're intimate?

• 1:20:42Andrew Santino?

  Like if she's hooking up.

• 1:20:43Speaker 07

  This is a great question.

• 1:20:43Andrew Santino?

  She's an adult, right, is she an adult before we're talking about her?

• 1:20:45Speaker 07

  Yes.

• 1:20:46Andrew Santino?

  Whatever, you know what I mean, if she's hooking up with her boyfriend, does that, I wonder if the Tourette's thing turns off?

• 1:20:52Speaker 07

  It might.

• 1:20:53Andrew Santino?

  I hope, because how weird if you're hooking up and it's like, Smolder! Smolder!

• 1:20:58Speaker 07

  Wish another guy was here?

• 1:20:59Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah. Send in the troops!

• 1:21:02Speaker 07

  That's all you got?

• 1:21:03Andrew Santino?

  Fill me up, fill me up, fill me up.

• 1:21:06Speaker 07

  They're just kissing?

• 1:21:06Andrew Santino?

  Yeah. He's like, "Look babe, I love you, but you gotta..." See, I bet you it turns off.

• 1:21:10Speaker 07

  I think you're probably right. Like, I think when the stakes get a little higher, she probably calms down.

• 1:21:15Andrew Santino?

  That's interesting. She'd probably be good onstage then, huh?

• 1:21:18Speaker 07

  I know. There's a comedian named Benny Feldman, who has Tourette's, who is hilarious.

• 1:21:22Andrew Santino?

  Yeah.

• 1:21:23Speaker 07

  He has pretty severe Tourette's and like, ticks like this, like, And I'm like, huh huh, and then he'll be like, "I'm my own heckler."

• 1:21:29Andrew Santino?

  That's very funny.

• 1:21:30Speaker 07

  He's good.

• 1:21:31Andrew Santino?

  But when the stakes are high, he's like, he's like, tunes it down.

• 1:21:33Speaker 07

  I think, yeah.

• 1:21:33Andrew Santino?

  He knows how to like, control it.

• 1:21:35Speaker 07

  I think he must, right? Because, I mean, they can't even probably get anything out unless it does calm down a little. They can't just tick.

• 1:21:42Andrew Santino?

  But it's out of their control so much of it.

• 1:21:43Speaker 07

  Right.

• 1:21:44Andrew Santino?

  I mean, what do we know?

• 1:21:46Speaker 07

  What do we know? We're normal. That was rude.

• 1:21:49Andrew Santino?

  No, no, no, keep that in. Everybody knows who you really are.

• 1:21:53Speaker 07

  Cut that out.

• 1:21:53Andrew Santino?

  Everybody knows who you really are.

• 1:21:54Speaker 07

  I don't hate retards, I hate Jews.

• 1:21:59Andrew Santino?

  Keep it in!

• 1:22:00Speaker 07

  Edit that, McCone!

• 1:22:02Andrew Santino?

  No, leave it in.

• 1:22:03Speaker 07

  Do me a flame.

• 1:22:04Andrew Santino?

  You wanna see who your real love is?

• 1:22:05Speaker 07

  Do you know who I had dinner with and we talked about you?

• 1:22:07Andrew Santino?

  Who?

• 1:22:08Speaker 07

  Schoolboy Q.

• 1:22:09Andrew Santino?

  I love Q.

• 1:22:10Speaker 07

  Yep, he loves you too.

• 1:22:11Andrew Santino?

  What were you guys chatting? What'd you got? Did you have dinner while you were out here?

• 1:22:14Speaker 07

  No, this was like, he was in New York.

• 1:22:16Andrew Santino?

  Oh, and he was in, back, back on the east coast.

• 1:22:18Speaker 07

  This was probably like, a year ago.

• 1:22:18Andrew Santino?

  Love Q, man.

• 1:22:19Speaker 07

  I went to his concert. He killed. Yeah, he was like, "I love Santino, we golf together."

• 1:22:22Andrew Santino?

  We do. He's one of the coolest fucking dudes.

• 1:22:24Speaker 07

  He's so cool.

• 1:22:25Andrew Santino?

  It's funny to like, love someone's art and then, and then befriend them. That's always a weird thing, because you're like, Because when they speak about their art, and then you're like, "I know."

• 1:22:35Speaker 07

  I, I know. They talk about making it?

• 1:22:37Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, it's weird if he like, references something as if he's talking to someone that's never heard or seen it before.

• 1:22:41Speaker 07

  He does though, he's very humble.

• 1:22:42Andrew Santino?

  Well, no, he's remarkably humble.

• 1:22:43Speaker 07

  Yeah.

• 1:22:43Andrew Santino?

  But he'll say that, and you'll go,

• 1:22:45Speaker 07

  No, I know.

• 1:22:45Andrew Santino?

  No, I know.

• 1:22:46Speaker 07

  I listened to it a hundred times.

• 1:22:47Andrew Santino?

  I don't wanna say "I know," because it feels corny to be like,

• 1:22:49Speaker 07

  Corny.

• 1:22:50Andrew Santino?

  Trust me, I know. I know all about it Q.

• 1:22:53Speaker 07

  I know about your whole life.

• 1:22:55Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, it is a trip.

• 1:22:56Speaker 07

  Yeah.

• 1:22:56Andrew Santino?

  But he's, I mean, it's not my business to talk, but man, he's got phenomenal stories. He'll tell you some of the greatest fucking, the life he's lived, his personal stories of, it's, I wish I could say some stuff, whatever. Anyway, he's one of those guys where you're like, you're more interesting. The more I get to know him, he's more interesting than I, yeah, it's kinda crazy.

• 1:23:14Speaker 07

  He, we had like sushi and then he let me come backstage. I got to hang out and then I watched him perform. People were fainting, like four songs in, like he had to stop the show like multiple times because people were losing their minds.

• 1:23:27Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, he's the fucking man.

• 1:23:28Speaker 07

  He's great.

• 1:23:29Andrew Santino?

  Q's the dog, man.

• 1:23:30Speaker 07

  When are you guys golfing again?

• 1:23:32Andrew Santino?

  No, he's been gone. I would, I just got back into town too and I'm gonna leave again in a few fucking days.

• 1:23:36Speaker 07

  Where are you going?

• 1:23:37Andrew Santino?

  I could go see mom and dad.

• 1:23:38Speaker 07

  In Chicago?

• 1:23:39Andrew Santino?

  I, I go home a lot now.

• 1:23:41Speaker 07

  That's good.

• 1:23:41Andrew Santino?

  Well, they're not so young.

• 1:23:44Speaker 07

  Yeah, I know.

• 1:23:45Andrew Santino?

  I just think as I've gotten older, I'm like, I wanna go see them much more. If I can, if I have an opportunity to go back to the Midwest, if there's like a thing or a gig or something nearby. I mean, even if there isn't, but I'm saying if there is more of an excuse, I'm like, I should just be, I'm right there.

• 1:23:58Speaker 07

  Why not?

• 1:23:59Andrew Santino?

  Like, we're gonna be in Kansas City and I'm like, let's go right there.

• 1:24:01Speaker 07

  Let's go there.

• 1:24:01Andrew Santino?

  Go pop to the house.

• 1:24:02Speaker 07

  I'm like that too. Like, I try not to miss like birthdays and stuff, even if, even if I have to take a train for four hours and like hang for four and come back. I don't care.

• 1:24:11Andrew Santino?

  You're never gonna be, when people we love pass, we're never, we're, we'll never regret doing the extra thing, spending the extra money.

• 1:24:19Speaker 07

  My friend's dad just died and she lives here and like she texted me, she's like, I'm so, listen to how like selfless this is, this is crazy. She goes, hey, I'm so sorry, I was gonna come to your show on Wednesday, but my dad died. I was like, I can't believe you even texted me.

• 1:24:32Andrew Santino?

  I would not even text you.

• 1:24:33Speaker 07

  Well, I wouldn't blame you. I was like, you're-

• 1:24:36Andrew Santino?

  When my dad dies, I'm blocking you.

• 1:24:37Speaker 07

  I'm blocking you too.

• 1:24:38Andrew Santino?

  I'm deleting your number, I'm blocking you. I'm not fucking talking to you.

• 1:24:41Speaker 07

  My mom turned 70 and I threw a big party at Chad and Bars In.

• 1:24:45Andrew Santino?

  Hmm.

• 1:24:45Speaker 07

  My brother and I got in a little tiff about it because he didn't like how much it was gonna cost, but I was like, I'm gonna cover it.

• 1:24:51Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, if you're paying for it, what does he care?

• 1:24:52Speaker 07

  Why do you care?

• 1:24:52Andrew Santino?

  Right.

• 1:24:53Speaker 07

  He's like, I don't know, I'm just, we could do it in the backyard. I'm like, no, she's inviting her friends from high school.

• 1:24:59Andrew Santino?

  Seventieth.

• 1:24:59Speaker 07

  Thank you.

• 1:25:00Andrew Santino?

  It's a big deal.

• 1:25:01Speaker 07

  It was a huge, it was so much fun. We all dressed up. It was a bonfire on the beach. They did lobsters. They did smores for the kids. It was, it was so worth it.

• 1:25:10Andrew Santino?

  Yeah.

• 1:25:10Speaker 07

  Chad and Bars In, shout out, Kip Khan.

• 1:25:12Andrew Santino?

  You doing that to get the plugs? Do they give you the discount?

• 1:25:14Speaker 07

  I wouldn't mind one next time. If she makes it to 75.

• 1:25:20Andrew Santino?

  You just hold now, you're like, "Look, I need that discount."

• 1:25:23Speaker 07

  CBI.

• 1:25:23Andrew Santino?

  What is it, what did that, what did that party cost? Be honest. Go ahead and brag, rich girl.

• 1:25:27Speaker 07

  Almost seven grand.

• 1:25:28Andrew Santino?

  That's a lot for a party. Holy shit.

• 1:25:30Speaker 07

  Worth, I mean, if you saw the pictures, though.

• 1:25:33Andrew Santino?

  It was, yeah, of course, it was probably worth every dime.

• 1:25:34Speaker 07

  It was just.

• 1:25:35Andrew Santino?

  If you have that money, you got it.

• 1:25:37Speaker 07

  The Facebook, my mom's like, "I posted the pictures, Karen, I got like seventy-six likes." I'm like, "Ma, you're famous."

• 1:25:42Andrew Santino?

  Blowing up.

• 1:25:43Speaker 07

  You're famous.

• 1:25:44Andrew Santino?

  Put me on a text stream with your mom.

• 1:25:45Speaker 07

  I will.

• 1:25:46Andrew Santino?

  With more money.

• 1:25:47Speaker 07

  She'll love it.

• 1:25:48Andrew Santino?

  That's so funny, Maureen, that's insane that you're both, we're both Maurens.

• 1:25:50Speaker 07

  That is crazy.

• 1:25:51Andrew Santino?

  Well.

• 1:25:52Speaker 07

  I think it's not that crazy.

• 1:25:53Andrew Santino?

  Irish, yeah, Maureen.

• 1:25:54Speaker 07

  What do we have, ten names to choose from?

• 1:25:55Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, Maureen. Ah, yes, Maureen.

• 1:25:58Speaker 07

  Yeah, my sister's Colleen Patricia, she's Irish.

• 1:26:00Andrew Santino?

  Does she look Irish?

• 1:26:01Speaker 07

  Yeah.

• 1:26:02Andrew Santino?

  You don't look Irish.

• 1:26:04Speaker 07

  I look black Irish.

• 1:26:05Andrew Santino?

  No, you look like an Italian girl.

• 1:26:07Speaker 07

  I know, people say that to me.

• 1:26:08Andrew Santino?

  I know, you like that, don't you?

• 1:26:10Speaker 07

  I don't like anything.

• 1:26:11Andrew Santino?

  No lie, you like that shit.

• 1:26:12Speaker 07

  I don't like anything.

• 1:26:13Andrew Santino?

  Do people think you're Jewish?

• 1:26:15Speaker 07

  Once in a while.

• 1:26:16Andrew Santino?

  Yeah.

• 1:26:17Speaker 07

  If I'm, especially, I have a lot of Jewish friends.

• 1:26:19Andrew Santino?

  Yeah.

• 1:26:22Speaker 07

  I went on two bachelorette trips this winter with two separate big Jewish women groups.

• 1:26:27Andrew Santino?

  Really?

• 1:26:28Speaker 07

  It was fun, though.

• 1:26:29Andrew Santino?

  Funny, Long Island Jews?

• 1:26:31Speaker 07

  Some of them, some of them from Jersey, some of them from Manhattan, but a lot of Long Island, yeah.

• 1:26:34Andrew Santino?

  They go off.

• 1:26:35Speaker 07

  They go off, they know how to spend money.

• 1:26:36Andrew Santino?

  They know how to fucking party, dude.

• 1:26:37Speaker 07

  They know how to have a good time.

• 1:26:38Andrew Santino?

  Fuck, yeah.

• 1:26:39Speaker 07

  They take over the Caribbean.

• 1:26:40Andrew Santino?

  I'll tell you what the Jews did that we didn't do. Closed casket, dude. What's up, Irish fucking, the Jews, man.

• 1:26:45Speaker 07

  Shut the frickin' casket.

• 1:26:46Andrew Santino?

  Casket, man, the fucking Jews do it right. The first time I went to a wake, I was like, "Why are we looking at my dead fucking grandma?" It was the craziest thing.

• 1:26:54Speaker 07

  And her lips are glued shut and she has makeup on.

• 1:26:57Andrew Santino?

  It's so crazy.

• 1:26:57Speaker 07

  And they make their hands go like this.

• 1:26:59Andrew Santino?

  And your parents are like, "Go walk, go fucking," and you gotta stand in line, and you're like, "I don't know fucking."

• 1:27:04Speaker 07

  I know, and you don't know how long you're supposed to stay kneeling.

• 1:27:06Andrew Santino?

  Am I supposed to cry? What do I do? I have no idea what to do. It was such a bad.

• 1:27:09Speaker 07

  The smell is brutal.

• 1:27:10Andrew Santino?

  It's just, the whole room is weird, and it's, and it's like fluorescent lights.

• 1:27:14Speaker 07

  So bright.

• 1:27:14Andrew Santino?

  I, I couldn't, that, when my grandma died, my dad's mom died, and I was, um, I was still a kid, and I remember going to the funeral, and then feeling, this is crazy, I remember feeling bad on the car ride home because I didn't cry. Because I was so confused.

• 1:27:26Speaker 07

  Yeah.

• 1:27:27Andrew Santino?

  And then I felt like a bad kid, because I was like, "My grandma didn't even see me cry when you," but it was so.

• 1:27:32Speaker 07

  Weird mix of guilt, like.

• 1:27:34Andrew Santino?

  Well, because they throw you in front of people, and they're like, "Go, get up there." And you're like.

• 1:27:37Speaker 07

  I'm a kid.

• 1:27:38Andrew Santino?

  Why do I need to go see the dead body? I liked her a lot.

• 1:27:41Speaker 07

  I know.

• 1:27:41Andrew Santino?

  See her dead. It's crazy.

• 1:27:44Speaker 07

  It's so freaky.

• 1:27:44Andrew Santino?

  I fucking hated that.

• 1:27:45Speaker 07

  Yeah.

• 1:27:46Andrew Santino?

  Then you go to a fucking Jewish funeral, oh no, we don't look at the fucking, we don't look at the body? What are you talking about?

• 1:27:51Speaker 07

  They're gonna bury them.

• 1:27:52Andrew Santino?

  Well, what, yeah, why did we look at?

• 1:27:53Speaker 07

  Why do we have to?

• 1:27:54Andrew Santino?

  I hated it. That really gave me anxiety for a long time when I was a kid.

• 1:27:58Speaker 07

  It gets burned into your brain, too. Like, I'll never forget the images.

• 1:28:02Andrew Santino?

  Oh, it gets terrible. And the, and the family members that come talk to you that you don't really wanna talk to.

• 1:28:07Speaker 07

  Have no idea who they are, and they remember me. Do you remember me? I changed your diaper. Weird.

• 1:28:13Andrew Santino?

  Weird.

• 1:28:13Speaker 07

  You know what my pussy looks like? Get outta here. Why are you telling me that? I'm your, I'm your aunt's best friend. I'm, I'm June, Aunt June. You used to call me Aunt June. You know Aunt June loves a wake, too. She's going to everyone she's invited to.

• 1:28:26Andrew Santino?

  She's just waiting for the next one. Sitting in the parking lot.

• 1:28:29Speaker 07

  She can't wait. I'll see you guys in a week. Marcus's son died.

• 1:28:34Andrew Santino?

  You know, you're like, alright, I guess I'll see you later.

• 1:28:36Speaker 07

  Cool.

• 1:28:37Andrew Santino?

  That's, that, every one of my, like, my grandmother, my mom's side, grandmother, grandfather, and then it's presumably, unfortunately, to be said, everyone on that side of the family will be buried at the same funeral home. Like, yeah, they all go to the same family.

• 1:28:50Speaker 07

  Yeah, same with, like, my mom's side.

• 1:28:52Andrew Santino?

  It's kinda wild. And my, my grandfather, the funeral home was the Coonys. Cooney, you know, the Cooney fam.

• 1:28:57Speaker 07

  George Clooney.

• 1:28:58Andrew Santino?

  George Clooney. Uh, Clooney, Cooney. And, uh...

• 1:29:02Speaker 07

  You can't call him that.

• 1:29:03Andrew Santino?

  George Clooney. Not, not these days. And my grandfather left a note. This was great. So all of his finances were, he was a firefighter, you know, it's like, they didn't, they saved money. They had, right, they didn't have money, like, so everything was accounted for.

• 1:29:16Speaker 07

  Hmm.

• 1:29:17Andrew Santino?

  So he paid for the funeral, and in the envelope that had his money in it for the proceedings, he wrote on it, "Give to Cooney when I croak." And he kept it in his fucking, it's so funny, dude. Here was the wildest shit my grandfather did, though. This irked my mom a lot. He prepaid, but didn't pay for my grandmother's. Cause he was like, she's dying way after me.

• 1:29:36Speaker 07

  Right.

• 1:29:36Andrew Santino?

  Well, it is true. She did die much later than him.

• 1:29:38Speaker 07

  Okay.

• 1:29:39Andrew Santino?

  Cause the women always outlive the men.

• 1:29:40Speaker 07

  Not on my, not my grand, my grandfather lived forever.

• 1:29:43Andrew Santino?

  Really?

• 1:29:44Speaker 07

  My nana was out at sixty-three, sixty-five, maybe?

• 1:29:47Andrew Santino?

  Heart attack?

• 1:29:48Speaker 07

  No, she had cancer in every organ of her body. Thought she had a cold.

• 1:29:51Andrew Santino?

  Clean sweep, huh? She thought she had a cold?

• 1:29:54Speaker 07

  Yeah, she had, never went to the doctor, never anything. One day she's like, I don't feel great. They go, they're like, oh, you have stage four cancer everywhere.

• 1:30:00Andrew Santino?

  Holy shit.

• 1:30:01Speaker 07

  Everywhere. She was out within like a month.

• 1:30:02Andrew Santino?

  I don't feel great.

• 1:30:03Speaker 07

  Mm-hmm.

• 1:30:04Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, cancer's gripped your entire body.

• 1:30:05Speaker 07

  Yeah.

• 1:30:06Andrew Santino?

  But that's how strong of a woman she was. She didn't even fucking know she had cancer.

• 1:30:09Speaker 07

  Yeah.

• 1:30:09Andrew Santino?

  For that long, that much all over?

• 1:30:11Speaker 07

  So much. And she was like a big, like, bosomy, had like hips and like a butt and stuff. And I remember she died like right after my thirteenth birthday. But she came downstairs, like, from her, like, sick bed for my birthday. And it was like, she maybe weighed seventy pounds. I don't know. She was like, nothing.

• 1:30:28Andrew Santino?

  Nothing.

• 1:30:28Speaker 07

  But she put on makeup and her jewelry. It always makes me emotional, just cause it was my birthday.

• 1:30:33Andrew Santino?

  It was on your thirteenth birthday?

• 1:30:35Speaker 07

  Yep.

• 1:30:35Andrew Santino?

  Unlucky number. That's terrible.

• 1:30:38Speaker 07

  And my grandfather lived forever till he was like eighty-eight.

• 1:30:41Andrew Santino?

  Couldn't die, this guy.

• 1:30:42Speaker 07

  He was so stubborn. He was shit in the bed. My dad was cleaning it. He moved in with my parents.

• 1:30:47Andrew Santino?

  Ooh.

• 1:30:47Speaker 07

  But my mom would like find ways to spend his money. He's like, Ginkka's taking us to Disney World, just fucking.

• 1:30:52Andrew Santino?

  He has no idea. Where are we going? Don't worry about it.

• 1:30:55Speaker 07

  Get in the car.

• 1:30:56Andrew Santino?

  Just lay down. Just lay down in the back.

• 1:30:58Speaker 07

  But then she'd have to push him in the wheelchair at Disney World. She's like, fuck, why did I do this?

• 1:31:02Andrew Santino?

  She just left him.

• 1:31:03Speaker 07

  Just let him wheel there.

• 1:31:05Andrew Santino?

  We'll go with, we'll go to Disney for you. We'll take photos. You'll see when we get back. It'll be nice. Alright, listen, my love. It's been a wonderful, wonderful pod.

• 1:31:14Speaker 07

  This was great.

• 1:31:14Andrew Santino?

  I appreciate you so very much.

• 1:31:15Speaker 07

  Oh, I appreciate you.

• 1:31:16Andrew Santino?

  Go watch, uh, go watch her special out right now. We'll put the link in the description down below. It's called, uh, Don't Serve This Pig.

• 1:31:28Andrew Santino?

  No, it's called.

• 1:31:29Speaker 07

  Don't serve me.

• 1:31:30Andrew Santino?

  Do not serve me. Don't serve me.

• 1:31:32Speaker 07

  Yeah.

• 1:31:33Andrew Santino?

  Don't serve me. Uh, and she's on tour right now. Her website is, uh, thisismybutthole.com.

• 1:31:39Speaker 07

  You're so annoying.

• 1:31:41Andrew Santino?

  Her website is, uh, thebrownstar.

• 1:31:43Speaker 07

  Check my Instagram for my tour dates.

• 1:31:45Andrew Santino?

  Instagram has all the tour dates. Uh, and what is your website? You don't put them up on your website?

• 1:31:49Speaker 07

  No, I should. Stop shaming me.

• 1:31:52Andrew Santino?

  Get a fu, you don't have a website?

• 1:31:53Speaker 07

  I have paid someone to build me a website. And then I like, just like stopped, like the wheels in motion.

• 1:32:00Andrew Santino?

  Oh, brother, pay him. Take some of that money away from your mom's 75th birthday party. Put it towards that website.

• 1:32:05Speaker 07

  It's too late.

• 1:32:06Andrew Santino?

  Too late. It's already been paid for. Uh, I love you. I appreciate you. Look in that camera right there and say one word or one phrase to end the episode. Whenever you're ready. One word or one phrase.

• 1:32:17Speaker 07

  You can't take it with you.

• 1:32:20Speaker 07

  I hated that. Can I do it again?

• 1:32:21Andrew Santino?

  Do it again.

• 1:32:22Speaker 07

  Slut bucket.

• 1:32:23Speaker 03

  And here, we pour. Whistle. Whisk. Whisk. Whisk. Whisk.

• 1:32:29Speaker 04

  You're that creature in the ginger beard.

• 1:32:31Speaker 05

  It's dirty and ginger.

• 1:32:33Speaker 04

  Like vampires, the ginger gene is a curse.

• 1:32:35Speaker 05

  Gingers are beautiful.

• 1:32:37Speaker 06

  You owe me $5 for the whiskey and $75 for the horse. Ginger? Oh, hell no. This whiskey is excellent. Ginger. I like gingers.