Tom's Face Overshadowed Matthew McConaughey | YMH Ep. 786

Get your original Tim Segura Portrait over at the YMH Store: https://store.ymhstudios.com/products/smooth-operator-autographed-8x10-print Christina just released her brand new shades of lipstick, Atomic Red, Berlin and Madison: https://christinap.com/collections/christina-p-lipsticks SPONSORS: Visit https://bluechew.com with promo code: YMH to receive your first month FREE. Head to https://www.squarespace.com/MOM to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain using code MOM. OMG Mommies! What a show we have for you today! We kick off the show with Tom's brand new, totally real beard that he grew in and address all the fun comments fans made on his 2 Bears episode with Mr. Matthew McConaughey. Tom then opens the show with a clip of Double Soul Shaman Will Blunderfield serenading us with a song about a dude spreading his cheeks open. Next, Tom and Christina catch up on everything going recently, there was also an election or something, which leads to Tom and Christina discovering who the hottest First Lady of all time is. They also talk about their trip up to Dallas Cowboys stadium to take in the Jake Paul Vs. Mike Tyson fight and Tom's new friend Adam "Pacman" Jones. We also have a #YMHExclusive that'll bring a smile to your face and Tom hypes up a jacket. The main mommies also discuss the viral goth Boise State beach volleyball player, watch some Horrible or Hilarious clips, check out some new videos of that greasy pepperoni man, also there's a guy who farts to people over the phone, some of Christina's fabulous curations from TikTok and so much more. You're gonna LOVE this high and tight episode! Your Mom’s House Ep. 786 https://tomsegura.com/tour https://christinaponline.com/tour-dates https://store.ymhstudios.com https://www.reddit.com/r/yourmomshousepodcast Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Speaker names marked ? are inferred from speaking time and the show’s known hosts — they are not voice-verified.

• 0:11Tom Segura?

  Welcome to another episode of Your Mom's House.

• 0:14Christina Pazsitzky?

  Hi Gene, I'm so happy to be back.

• 0:16Tom Segura?

  I'm happy to be here.

• 0:17Christina Pazsitzky?

  Mm-hmm, looking very natural, very relaxed, very calm.

• 0:20Tom Segura?

  Feeling good. I got a lot of people commented on the fact that I had a shaved head and a shaved face.

• 0:29Christina Pazsitzky?

  Not just that, you guys-

• 0:30Tom Segura?

  And then it grew back.

• 0:31Christina Pazsitzky?

  -had Matthew McConaughey on Two Bears One Cave and the majority of the comments were about your lack of a beard.

• 0:39Tom Segura?

  Overwhelming.

• 0:40Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah.

• 0:41Tom Segura?

  People were not talking about the Oscar award-winning A-lister.

• 0:44Christina Pazsitzky?

  No.

• 0:45Tom Segura?

  They were talking about my face. And here's the thing, they weren't that nice about it.

• 0:49Christina Pazsitzky?

  That's weird.

• 0:50Tom Segura?

  It was very strange.

• 0:51Christina Pazsitzky?

  Why, what were they saying?

• 0:52Tom Segura?

  Uh, not nice things.

• 0:56Christina Pazsitzky?

  My favorite comment, you told me, they're like, I think Christina gave Tom her cancer.

• 1:02Tom Segura?

  Well, here, here's some of the comments.

• 1:05Christina Pazsitzky?

  Oh.

• 1:05Tom Segura?

  With that, "The beard looks like a baby who grew up fast."

• 1:08Christina Pazsitzky?

  That's funny.

• 1:09Tom Segura?

  "Tom looks like he's been boiled." "Tom going full Dallas Buyers Club for this guest," the movie where Matthew McConaughey had AIDS.

• 1:17Christina Pazsitzky?

  Oh, sure.

• 1:20Tom Segura?

  Yeah, uh, let's see. "Who's the human hot dog sitting next to Bert?"

• 1:25Christina Pazsitzky?

  That's a good one, that's a good one.

• 1:27Tom Segura?

  "Invisalign really did a number on Tom."

• 1:30Christina Pazsitzky?

  Oh.

• 1:32Tom Segura?

  "Why is John Lovitz hanging out with Tom, with Bert and Matthew?" I mean, Tom's like the neighbor. I mean, I thought I looked like a normal guy.

• 1:41Christina Pazsitzky?

  Can I tell you something? Actually, you photograph really well without the beard. In real life, it was very jarring and alarming. And those comments were accurate, but I feel like when you're photographing, it's really nice.

• 1:55Tom Segura?

  Why in per- why was it jarring in person?

• 1:57Christina Pazsitzky?

  It's just not you. And, and I don't like how expressive you are. See, right now, this is the level of expression I'm used to, where your mouth is covered, everything's covered, it's just very placid and beige.

• 2:07Tom Segura?

  You don't like me being more expressive?

• 2:08Christina Pazsitzky?

  Nope, not at all. It's very weird, because I don't, I don't, I'm not used to you having feelings and stuff.

• 2:14Tom Segura?

  At first, you were like, oh, this is nice, I can see, I didn't know you had teeth.

• 2:17Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah, your teeth are not as yellow as I thought they were when you had a beard.

• 2:22Tom Segura?

  "Beardless Tom is post-nut clarity in human form."

• 2:25Christina Pazsitzky?

  Oh my God, it's so true. That's so true. I thought that's a good.

• 2:30Tom Segura?

  Now that is the John Cigara.

• 2:31Christina Pazsitzky?

  It's John Cigara.

• 2:34Tom Segura?

  Tom looks like an aggressive lesbian.

• 2:36Christina Pazsitzky?

  No, I don't see that. You like that one?

• 2:39Tom Segura?

  He's really like that.

• 2:40Christina Pazsitzky?

  Annie liked that one.

• 2:42Tom Segura?

  Is Tom dying from Christina's cancer? It sure fucking looks that way.

• 2:47Tom Segura?

  Tom with a beard is like seeing an owl's legs.

• 2:50Christina Pazsitzky?

  Well, that's funny.

• 2:52Tom Segura?

  Tom looks like the word ringworm. I mean.

• 2:53Christina Pazsitzky?

  That's so true.

• 2:54Tom Segura?

  Oh, Annie's reaction when I walked in that day was just.

• 2:58Christina Pazsitzky?

  Slap the legs of an owl. That's so true. That's so true. Oh, he shouldn't even know they had legs like that.

• 3:05Tom Segura?

  Dude, will you chill out?

• 3:06Christina Pazsitzky?

  That's amazing. That is 100% accurate.

• 3:08Tom Segura?

  He laughed hysterically. Bro, that was the funniest shit. That was the funniest shit because I thought you were just one of those fucking poor Osos niggas, you know what I'm saying?

• 3:18Christina Pazsitzky?

  Wow.

• 3:19Tom Segura?

  Yeah, one of the investors or whatever. And you're like, hey, Annie, I'm like, hey, what's up? Oh, it's you.

• 3:27Tom Segura?

  You don't look like Tom. That's Timothy, nigga.

• 3:32Tom Segura?

  That ain't you, dog.

• 3:33Christina Pazsitzky?

  You're Timothy without. That's so true.

• 3:36Tom Segura?

  It's Timothy.

• 3:37Christina Pazsitzky?

  Because you're already a pretty white guy, but then it takes it to another level.

• 3:41Tom Segura?

  Super white guy.

• 3:42Christina Pazsitzky?

  The whole world has been taken over by Timothy Cigara. In fact, I would like to share something that I have done in honor of your lack of facial hair. It took the world by storm. And to commemorate this once in a lifetime thing that we saw Tom without his facial hair. It's like Halley's comet. It's never going to happen again in your lifetime. I have drawn. This took days, days.

• 4:10Tom Segura?

  Yeah, you've really been getting into like painting and drawing and everything.

• 4:13Christina Pazsitzky?

  I've got a lot of free time. My hobbies. I'm into hobbies and stuff. And I sat down and this took about a month to do.

• 4:20Tom Segura?

  Hmm. It's only been a couple of weeks, but okay.

• 4:24Christina Pazsitzky?

  This is Tom right now. And what I love about this is the attention to detail. He doesn't seem to appreciate it, but people in the art world have really been enjoying it. Let's start with the top.

• 4:36Tom Segura?

  I have it up on the screen.

• 4:37Christina Pazsitzky?

  Oh, sure. I love, I did there, I like the attention to detail. The red splotches on the top of your head. You know, from various sunburn or just the pink hue in your skin. It just gets pinker up there. The eyebrows are still the meanies. You've always got those meanies going. Beautiful blue eyes, as blue as the sea. And then the dark rings under them. You know, just that's always gonna be there. The patchy, blotchy, swollen, puffy darkness. And then the nose. Now, some people would say, oh, that's not Tom's nose. It's Tom's future nose.

• 5:18Christina Pazsitzky?

  I thought I would kind of give the picture a little time travel element. It's what's his name, our favorite guy from the Coming to America?

• 5:27Tom Segura?

  Hmm.

• 5:28Speaker 02

  John Amos.

• 5:29Christina Pazsitzky?

  John Amos nose. And you got those beautiful mouth. That's a beautiful mouth.

• 5:34Tom Segura?

  Beautiful lips.

• 5:35Christina Pazsitzky?

  And then the chest hair and the beige. I didn't have a beige crayon, so I used yellow.

• 5:39Tom Segura?

  Well, real top tier work. Now, are you selling prints?

• 5:42Christina Pazsitzky?

  Of course I am. I'll be selling these on YMHstudios.com, signed, of course, to commemorate Tom's baby face.

• 5:50Tom Segura?

  What's the price on these?

• 5:51Christina Pazsitzky?

  I haven't decided yet. What do you think? I mean, you tell me.

• 5:55Tom Segura?

  I mean, it looks really, really like high level stuff.

• 5:58Christina Pazsitzky?

  It is, Tom. Took me a long time. I haven't decided yet.

• 6:04Tom Segura?

  People also demanded, by the way, like so entitled. We demand an explanation.

• 6:14Tom Segura?

  So I'll give you the explanation because you demand it.

• 6:16Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah.

• 6:17Tom Segura?

  I did it for, I had to do it for a television show that I've been shooting for a part that I don't want to give away. Why? When you see it, you'll go, oh, this makes sense.

• 6:27Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah.

• 6:27Tom Segura?

  But that's why. I didn't do it just because I felt like it one day.

• 6:31Christina Pazsitzky?

  Well, no, I've been trying to get you to shave this beard for...

• 6:33Tom Segura?

  I know.

• 6:33Christina Pazsitzky?

  Fifteen years, you won't do it.

• 6:35Tom Segura?

  Both my parents, when my dad was alive and my mom are all, they're always like, please. My dad be like, why don't you just get rid of this shit?

• 6:41Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah.

• 6:41Tom Segura?

  And my mom's like, please, Shae, please.

• 6:44Christina Pazsitzky?

  Well, the last time you had a bare face is when we were married.

• 6:46Tom Segura?

  It's very long.

• 6:47Christina Pazsitzky?

  Two thousand eight.

• 6:48Tom Segura?

  Four thirty, forty.

• 6:48Christina Pazsitzky?

  Seventeen thousand years ago.

• 6:50Tom Segura?

  It feels like five million years ago.

• 6:52Christina Pazsitzky?

  It feels a lot longer.

• 6:53Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 6:54Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah, well.

• 6:55Tom Segura?

  Yeah. Anyway, um, it grew back very fast. My hair on my head grew back.

• 7:00Christina Pazsitzky?

  It's amazing. What have you been doing?

• 7:03Tom Segura?

  Just, uh, taking vitamins, man.

• 7:05Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah.

• 7:05Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 7:06Christina Pazsitzky?

  You're on a lot of supplements and such.

• 7:07Tom Segura?

  Supplements and.

• 7:08Christina Pazsitzky?

  Looking out.

• 7:09Tom Segura?

  Vitamin, I went to the gym this morning.

• 7:12Tom Segura?

  Had one of those protein shakes you like.

• 7:13Christina Pazsitzky?

  The, well, they give you massive farts. That's a problem. I love that people are very upset by your lack of.

• 7:20Tom Segura?

  Very, very mad at me.

• 7:21Christina Pazsitzky?

  But I get it. It's, we know you one way.

• 7:23Tom Segura?

  Get like one out of

• 7:27Tom Segura?

  two hundred messages would be like, I think it looks good. Don't, don't listen to everybody.

• 7:33Christina Pazsitzky?

  Thank you.

• 7:34Tom Segura?

  Yeah, I was like, oh, thanks.

• 7:36Christina Pazsitzky?

  But it did, you know, we all know you as bearded.

• 7:39Tom Segura?

  Bearded Tom.

• 7:39Christina Pazsitzky?

  Bare Tom. I don't like it when you change your appearance either.

• 7:43Tom Segura?

  I'm back.

• 7:44Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah, your halves legs face. It's so good.

• 7:47Tom Segura?

  So it's a really, I gotta tell you, I feel real good today. This is nice going over all these comments and hearing your breakdown. This beautiful painting. Let's, uh.

• 7:55Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah, YMH studios dot com.

• 7:57Tom Segura?

  Let's open the show.

• 7:58Christina Pazsitzky?

  Print now.

• 7:58Tom Segura?

  Get your print now. Here we go.

• 8:01Speaker 02

  He's red as my cheeks and he makes me scream. He's my number one daddy. Gonna make him cream inside of me. While he's kissing so softly.

• 8:22Tom Segura?

  Got a nice voice.

• 8:23Christina Pazsitzky?

  So much, yeah. Good job, Will. Don't bring anyone nothing to this. Your mama in the fucking stands. He's the best.

• 8:32Speaker 03

  Welcome to your mom's house.

• 8:34Christina Pazsitzky?

  Meow, meow, meow, meow.

• 8:41Christina Pazsitzky?

  Oh, shit. Almost fucked up.

• 8:46Christina Pazsitzky?

  Fuck.

• 9:19Tom Segura?

  There you go, Will Blunderfield. He's got a nice voice.

• 9:21Christina Pazsitzky?

  He has an amazing voice. Also, what I love about Will Blunderfield, because I keep up with him on the Gram, Tom, is he finds unique, different ways every single day to advertise homosexuality to straight men.

• 9:35Tom Segura?

  I don't know what you're talking about. I don't think it's really about that. I think it's about just becoming comfortable with your own masculinity. I don't like the way you pivoted that.

• 9:43Christina Pazsitzky?

  You know, I'm sorry.

• 9:50Tom Segura?

  That's something a straight guy can do.

• 9:52Christina Pazsitzky?

  No, but like yesterday's post was like, if you're not sucking on your bro's hummus cannon, don't expect to attract the ladies. If you really want to attract ladies.

• 10:00Tom Segura?

  If you are straight and you like women, one of the straightest things you can do is spend time nude with your friends.

• 10:10Christina Pazsitzky?

  Your bros.

• 10:11Tom Segura?

  Your guy friends and suck their nipples. Cup their balls. I've been saying this. It just feels, I feel validated by Will becoming kind of more well-known.

• 10:20Christina Pazsitzky?

  But, but kind of, doesn't it make sense on a level?

• 10:23Tom Segura?

  Oh, yeah. Tons of sense.

• 10:24Christina Pazsitzky?

  Well, no, I'm being serious.

• 10:25Tom Segura?

  I'm saying serious too.

• 10:26Christina Pazsitzky?

  You're just generating more testosterone, more male hormone.

• 10:30Tom Segura?

  If you're straight, fuck a guy.

• 10:32Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah.

• 10:32Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 10:33Christina Pazsitzky?

  There's nothing straighter than that.

• 10:34Tom Segura?

  Yeah, of course. He makes a lot of sense. I'm gonna, I've been really, I've been scared because I'm kind of, I guess I'm kind of homophobic, but yeah, I've been wanting to fuck a guy.

• 10:46Christina Pazsitzky?

  You should try it.

• 10:47Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 10:47Christina Pazsitzky?

  I think, I think you should do it.

• 10:49Tom Segura?

  Makes a lot of sense.

• 10:50Christina Pazsitzky?

  Can I tell you the time to do it?

• 10:51Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 10:52Christina Pazsitzky?

  Is now, before people start recognizing you.

• 10:54Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 10:55Christina Pazsitzky?

  Because we walk down the streets and it's a little less, people recognize you. You could probably get away with fucking a normal guy in a bar right now.

• 11:03Tom Segura?

  Totally.

• 11:04Christina Pazsitzky?

  You don't have to go to an escort, is what I'm saying.

• 11:07Tom Segura?

  He spreads my cheeks.

• 11:10Christina Pazsitzky?

  Listen to that.

• 11:10Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 11:11Christina Pazsitzky?

  I love Will's passion.

• 11:13Tom Segura?

  He's very passionate, very passionate.

• 11:16Christina Pazsitzky?

  He spreads my cheeks.

• 11:18Tom Segura?

  There's so much sense he's making.

• 11:20Christina Pazsitzky?

  And when he creams in his, where does he cream?

• 11:22Tom Segura?

  Inside of him, inside of him.

• 11:22Christina Pazsitzky?

  In his bee?

• 11:23Tom Segura?

  Yeah. As he kisses him softly.

• 11:26Christina Pazsitzky?

  Oh, that's so nice.

• 11:27Tom Segura?

  He's his number one daddy.

• 11:29Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah.

• 11:30Tom Segura?

  But then the thing is, you leave there and you're like, I feel like fucking a chick. That's, I think what happened.

• 11:34Christina Pazsitzky?

  I'm so juiced up.

• 11:35Tom Segura?

  I'm so juiced up with all this jizz in my ass. I feel like giving it to a girl now.

• 11:39Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 11:40Tom Segura?

  Really, when you think about it, you're like, oh, I'm full.

• 11:42Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah.

• 11:43Tom Segura?

  From the back, and now I want to.

• 11:45Christina Pazsitzky?

  Give it to the front.

• 11:46Tom Segura?

  Give it to the front to a girl.

• 11:47Christina Pazsitzky?

  God, that makes so much sense. Who would you make gay love to?

• 11:50Tom Segura?

  I hope it's somebody I don't know yet.

• 11:53Christina Pazsitzky?

  Why not? Would you, just hear me out. Would you try Will? Because he has so much.

• 11:58Tom Segura?

  No, I'm too connected to him. I just know him too well.

• 12:01Christina Pazsitzky?

  You need to have.

• 12:01Tom Segura?

  I need to start.

• 12:03Christina Pazsitzky?

  Emotional distance.

• 12:04Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 12:05Christina Pazsitzky?

  Just a stranger?

• 12:06Tom Segura?

  Yeah, don't know you.

• 12:08Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah.

• 12:08Tom Segura?

  You know, hook 'em horns, whatever. And then you just, yeah.

• 12:11Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah.

• 12:11Tom Segura?

  Get in there. And I'm like, oh, that was crazy. I'm super straight. And then just go.

• 12:15Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah.

• 12:17Tom Segura?

  Be like, hey.

• 12:18Christina Pazsitzky?

  Hey, babe.

• 12:18Tom Segura?

  Where you been? I'd be like, I was fucking working out. Where do you think I've been?

• 12:21Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah.

• 12:21Tom Segura?

  That's where I went this morning, to work out.

• 12:23Christina Pazsitzky?

  Oh, I know. You're always having gay affairs. I'm convinced of it. I'm convinced of it every time you leave.

• 12:29Tom Segura?

  So, even though I hate to pivot away from that conversation. It's, um, it's crazy how much has happened since the last time we were in here. We had our election. We have a new president, a familiar new president. So exciting. So exciting to return to stability and logic and just good old Americana.

• 12:51Christina Pazsitzky?

  Times have changed, Tom.

• 12:52Tom Segura?

  And cabinet's being named. It's an exciting time. It's gonna be a great four years. I'm very optimistic. I like to be optimistic. I think everything's gonna be real cool and normal. So that's fun. We have a president and we're.

• 13:09Christina Pazsitzky?

  I, you know, I will say though, is that I've been on Melania TikTok. I've been going down her rabbit hole.

• 13:16Tom Segura?

  She has an account?

• 13:17Christina Pazsitzky?

  Well, no, just like videos of her.

• 13:19Tom Segura?

  Yeah. Ugh, that is horrible.

• 13:23Christina Pazsitzky?

  Um.

• 13:23Tom Segura?

  God, fucking hated that.

• 13:25Christina Pazsitzky?

  I don't think I had a full appreciation for her when she was our first lady and now I, because she's Slovenian.

• 13:33Tom Segura?

  And she also didn't really do or say much. She didn't want to be there.

• 13:38Christina Pazsitzky?

  That's why I like her.

• 13:40Tom Segura?

  A guy who was like, I have penthouses in New York. She's like, great. I like this life.

• 13:45Christina Pazsitzky?

  Great. I want to have Birkenback. That's all she wanted out of this.

• 13:49Tom Segura?

  In DC now.

• 13:50Christina Pazsitzky?

  Fucking terrible.

• 13:51Tom Segura?

  I know. I think she hated it.

• 13:52Christina Pazsitzky?

  She wants to go live on Park Avenue. It's why I'd rather stay. So it's gonna be nice seeing her. She's very thin. She's very beautiful. Her outfits are great.

• 14:01Tom Segura?

  She has great outfits.

• 14:02Christina Pazsitzky?

  Um, cause you know, the first ladies historically, I say aside from Michelle Obama, who was very attractive, uh, they've been dogs, the dog pound. So it's nice to have a hot chick back in.

• 14:11Tom Segura?

  Baron's all a six, six now, their kid. And he's like a teen.

• 14:15Christina Pazsitzky?

  He's 18.

• 14:15Tom Segura?

  You're gonna have like a whole other, you know.

• 14:18Christina Pazsitzky?

  Teen vibes.

• 14:18Tom Segura?

  The teen vibe in the White House. Be interesting to see what this kid is like. Um, but yeah, Melania back and.

• 14:26Christina Pazsitzky?

  Very exciting. We're gonna make America great again.

• 14:28Tom Segura?

  Oh, sure.

• 14:30Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah. See, look at these dogs.

• 14:31Tom Segura?

  Look at those.

• 14:32Christina Pazsitzky?

  Martha Jefferson looks like a smoke show.

• 14:37Christina Pazsitzky?

  Martha Washington dog.

• 14:39Tom Segura?

  Look at that.

• 14:41Christina Pazsitzky?

  And these are paintings, which means they're forgiving.

• 14:43Tom Segura?

  Forgiving, yeah. Looks like Angelica Van Buren was all right.

• 14:47Christina Pazsitzky?

  I like.

• 14:47Tom Segura?

  Oof, Harrison.

• 14:51Tom Segura?

  It's just

• 14:53Christina Pazsitzky?

  Margaret Taylor. That's a fucking bad one.

• 14:57Tom Segura?

  Real fucking dogs in here. Oof. Look at Patterson.

• 15:01Christina Pazsitzky?

  But hold on, do you think these chicks were hot for their time?

• 15:05Tom Segura?

  No.

• 15:05Christina Pazsitzky?

  Like Lucretia Garfield, was she a smoke show? Was she the Melania of?

• 15:09Tom Segura?

  Look at, look at Grant. Look at Julia Grant.

• 15:12Christina Pazsitzky?

  Hold on, where is she?

• 15:13Tom Segura?

  She looks like a runaway, right there in the middle.

• 15:16Christina Pazsitzky?

  Oh yeah, she looks like a serial killer.

• 15:17Tom Segura?

  Oof. Yeah, there's some bad ones. Eleanor Arthur there, that's, that's flattering.

• 15:21Christina Pazsitzky?

  I'm gonna say Frances Cleveland is the hottest so far.

• 15:24Tom Segura?

  What?

• 15:25Christina Pazsitzky?

  Frances Cleveland.

• 15:26Tom Segura?

  I didn't see her.

• 15:27Christina Pazsitzky?

  She's got the color portrait.

• 15:28Tom Segura?

  Oh, okay.

• 15:29Christina Pazsitzky?

  I mean, dark beauty.

• 15:30Tom Segura?

  I don't know. I don't know. Look at fucking McKinley there, they're like, just face the wall. Just so we don't have your whole face on the fucking thing.

• 15:41Christina Pazsitzky?

  Oof.

• 15:41Tom Segura?

  Oof. Eileen Wilson? Look at her, she looks like a lunch lady.

• 15:46Christina Pazsitzky?

  Wait, hold on.

• 15:46Speaker 04

  Yo, Cool is kinda bad, though.

• 15:48Tom Segura?

  Where are we looking at Cool? Where's Cool?

• 15:49Christina Pazsitzky?

  Grace?

• 15:50Tom Segura?

  Oh yeah, yeah.

• 15:50Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah, Grace could get it, right, Tom, as you say?

• 15:53Tom Segura?

  Mm-hmm.

• 15:53Christina Pazsitzky?

  Oh, look at Mamie's got them baby bangs, Eisenhower.

• 15:57Tom Segura?

  Yeah, she, she looks like a-

• 15:58Christina Pazsitzky?

  All right, Jackie Kennedy.

• 16:00Tom Segura?

  Yeah, and they didn't even really flatter her that much.

• 16:02Christina Pazsitzky?

  No, Jackie had those pug eyes. They were kind of, uh-oh.

• 16:10Christina Pazsitzky?

  I think you've been found out, my friend. Fuck. Nothing to see here.

• 16:21Tom Segura?

  And, uh, let's see who else.

• 16:23Christina Pazsitzky?

  That's perfect. Patricia Nixon. See, can we-

• 16:26Tom Segura?

  Betty Ford was a pill popper, that's pretty cool.

• 16:28Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah, she started that whole, you know, thing, the thing. Barbara Bush, ouch.

• 16:33Tom Segura?

  She always looked old.

• 16:34Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah.

• 16:34Tom Segura?

  Isn't that crazy?

• 16:35Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah, she's always been old.

• 16:36Tom Segura?

  Barbara Bush looked 80 when she was 40.

• 16:39Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yes.

• 16:39Tom Segura?

  That's really crazy.

• 16:40Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah, but Nancy Reagan was hot.

• 16:42Tom Segura?

  Flattering Hillary Clinton portrait.

• 16:44Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 16:45Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 16:46Christina Pazsitzky?

  Laura Bush, okay.

• 16:48Tom Segura?

  Yeah, Laura was, she was attractive.

• 16:50Christina Pazsitzky?

  Hey, there's Melania. She's like, I'm a model.

• 16:53Tom Segura?

  Melania is totally the model look, yeah.

• 16:55Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah.

• 16:55Tom Segura?

  And then, I mean, Dr. Biden's an attractive lady.

• 16:58Christina Pazsitzky?

  She's nice.

• 16:59Tom Segura?

  Nice looking lady. What? What?

• 17:04Christina Pazsitzky?

  Baby, your beard is falling.

• 17:05Tom Segura?

  No, it's not. Shut the fuck up. Shut up, Biden. Shut up. So yeah, it's nice that we'll have a Slovenian model back in the White House.

• 17:16Christina Pazsitzky?

  I'm Slovenian model. This fucking Christmas shit. Sounds like my mother.

• 17:21Tom Segura?

  Yeah, it is.

• 17:23Christina Pazsitzky?

  I don't want to do this Christmas shit.

• 17:25Tom Segura?

  And she's one of the, like, the only, because she's lived in, like, you know, the greatest housing you could ever live in. She goes to the White House, she's like, this is bullshit.

• 17:34Christina Pazsitzky?

  Of course. This is disgusting. This is not Park Avenue.

• 17:38Tom Segura?

  And all you get is the residence quarters. Like, you don't get, you don't live in the whole house. And she's like, this is fucking sucks.

• 17:44Christina Pazsitzky?

  This is fucking bullshit. Um, hold on, though. Does Trump, correct me if I'm wrong, but did he lose some LBs and now his suits fit better? Like, did he finally alter his suit?

• 17:55Tom Segura?

  He may have actually had them tailored, too.

• 17:57Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah, he had a remix.

• 17:58Tom Segura?

  They were always, like, super baggy.

• 18:00Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah.

• 18:00Tom Segura?

  Really weird.

• 18:01Christina Pazsitzky?

  And he's not as orange this time around?

• 18:03Tom Segura?

  He's using less orange.

• 18:04Christina Pazsitzky?

  Somebody blended his concealer into his foundation.

• 18:08Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 18:09Christina Pazsitzky?

  And he, he stopped tanning so dark. So somebody talked to him. Somebody got to him, finally.

• 18:14Tom Segura?

  I don't know who it was.

• 18:15Christina Pazsitzky?

  About the appearance. Maybe Melania.

• 18:20Tom Segura?

  Maybe. Who knows?

• 18:21Christina Pazsitzky?

  I love her so much. Oh, yeah. See, the suits fit now. He's, he's changing it.

• 18:26Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 18:26Christina Pazsitzky?

  Not as orange.

• 18:27Tom Segura?

  And he's also 78?

• 18:29Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah.

• 18:29Tom Segura?

  He's not young.

• 18:30Christina Pazsitzky?

  No. But you know, he doesn't drink, he doesn't smoke cigarettes, he doesn't do drogas.

• 18:35Tom Segura?

  What does it say? Finally addresses his weight loss? What does it say? He lost, oh, 15, maybe 20 pounds? Yeah, that's significant.

• 18:42Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah.

• 18:42Tom Segura?

  He's 77 there, yeah.

• 18:44Christina Pazsitzky?

  Damn.

• 18:44Tom Segura?

  Because he's too busy to eat. All right. I love that he hired, um, or he's nominated, RFK Junior, to be the health minister.

• 18:53Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah.

• 18:54Tom Segura?

  And they celebrated by all having McDonald's together.

• 18:58Tom Segura?

  I don't think anything summarizes Donald Trump more than that.

• 19:01Christina Pazsitzky?

  I know.

• 19:02Tom Segura?

  Like, the, the legacy is like...

• 19:04Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah.

• 19:05Tom Segura?

  Here we are. Here's my new health guy.

• 19:07Christina Pazsitzky?

  And you know it wasn't hot and fresh because they're on the plane.

• 19:09Tom Segura?

  I know.

• 19:10Christina Pazsitzky?

  So it's cold. It's no good.

• 19:11Tom Segura?

  The worst way to eat McDonald's.

• 19:12Christina Pazsitzky?

  Don't eat McDonald's cold.

• 19:13Tom Segura?

  You gotta have McDonald's at McDonald's.

• 19:15Christina Pazsitzky?

  Piping hot.

• 19:16Tom Segura?

  Piping hot. Otherwise, you can taste how it's made. And you're like, I'm gonna fucking die after I eat this.

• 19:21Christina Pazsitzky?

  You ever smell a McDonald's bag that you've left in your car?

• 19:25Tom Segura?

  In the car, yeah.

• 19:26Christina Pazsitzky?

  Just an hour later, you're like, did someone take a shit in here?

• 19:29Tom Segura?

  Poison.

• 19:30Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah, it's terrible. It's like homeless dudes shitting in your car. The kids leave fries all the time in the crevices of my car.

• 19:37Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 19:37Christina Pazsitzky?

  It smells foul.

• 19:39Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 19:39Christina Pazsitzky?

  It's no good.

• 19:40Tom Segura?

  Yeah. Well, people are real stoked. I can tell you that.

• 19:44Christina Pazsitzky?

  People are, America is pumped.

• 19:46Tom Segura?

  I mean, people that I run into all the time are like, fucking, are you excited? And I was like, what? Okay, sure.

• 19:53Christina Pazsitzky?

  I just, it's just, it's just same shit, different toilet.

• 19:56Tom Segura?

  I was in a production here. I'm gonna take my.

• 19:58Christina Pazsitzky?

  What are you doing? What are you doing?

• 20:00Tom Segura?

  Actually, this isn't my real.

• 20:02Christina Pazsitzky?

  Tom.

• 20:03Tom Segura?

  But my hair has been growing back. My beard's been growing back.

• 20:05Christina Pazsitzky?

  Looks amazing.

• 20:06Tom Segura?

  It's a, this is like eight days, nine days growth.

• 20:09Christina Pazsitzky?

  Dude, you can grow a beard so fast.

• 20:11Tom Segura?

  Yeah, it's coming back in. I have to shoot more of the show.

• 20:15Christina Pazsitzky?

  Scenes?

• 20:16Tom Segura?

  On scenes and the bearded scenes in a few weeks. So I actually need this to be back to where it was or close. The, so I'm shooting a show.

• 20:28Tom Segura?

  And the morning after the election, I'm in a, you know, this is a Hollywood production. It's no secret, everybody that works in, most people that work in production are pretty liberal.

• 20:42Tom Segura?

  So we, we, um, the morning after, everyone I run into is super bummed out, right? I'm just, I'm just kinda like.

• 20:53Christina Pazsitzky?

  California's wailing and weeping.

• 20:55Tom Segura?

  Of course.

• 20:56Christina Pazsitzky?

  In Texas, they're like, everybody's so happy.

• 20:58Tom Segura?

  Yeah. So I walk in and I was, I mean, I don't think I've made it much of a mystery. Like, I've never been a big Trump fan, but I also, I'm not like a panic bunny who's just gonna like, be like, the world is that? I just kind of accept what it is. So I'm like, yeah, we got this fucking retard back. And then I walk in to the trailer and everyone's like, good morning. Like, shit. And I'm like, good morning. And they're like.

• 21:29Tom Segura?

  Yeah, and I'm kind of a long night.

• 21:31Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah.

• 21:32Tom Segura?

  And I'm like, yeah. And then I try to joke.

• 21:35Christina Pazsitzky?

  Uh oh.

• 21:35Tom Segura?

  I walk up to one of the crew. I go, hey, we're getting our country back. And they do not laugh.

• 21:42Christina Pazsitzky?

  No.

• 21:44Tom Segura?

  They don't laugh at all.

• 21:45Christina Pazsitzky?

  No, no.

• 21:46Tom Segura?

  So I'm like, alright. And then it's just like, we also are, we have to get to work, right? We have a long day. It's six o'clock in the morning. We have a

• 21:53Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah.

• 21:54Tom Segura?

  Fucking 12 hours ahead of us. I'm shoot, I get in the chair and getting in makeup and costume. And then we, we're at a location, then we moved to another location. And when I move into the the next location, I see someone who I haven't seen in a while, who's a, a real Texan, who's like, hey, it's good to see you. Glad you're shooting here. And I was like, yeah, you know, thanks for having us. And I just go, how you doing? Cause I'm like, how, how, how you been? How you doing? He goes, I'm feeling, real loud, he goes, feeling pretty fucking good about last night. And I go, shut the fuck up. And he's like, what? I go, dude, there's a hundred crew people here and none of them want to hear that. He's like, oh, right, right, right. He's like, yeah, but I'm pretty happy. And I was like, yeah, cool, cool.

• 22:37Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 22:38Tom Segura?

  Chill the fuck out.

• 22:38Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 22:40Tom Segura?

  Like, you can't announce that right here. You're gonna fuck up our whole day.

• 22:42Christina Pazsitzky?

  Everyone's gonna start crying, yeah.

• 22:44Tom Segura?

  But that's just, yeah, that's just the way it is.

• 22:46Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah, I have people from California, our friends texting us, like, is everything okay there?

• 22:50Tom Segura?

  Oh my god.

• 22:50Christina Pazsitzky?

  What's going on? I'm like, no one cares here. Texas is its own universe. We're unaffected by everything.

• 22:58Tom Segura?

  Of course.

• 22:59Christina Pazsitzky?

  We could succeed tomorrow and be totally fine.

• 23:01Tom Segura?

  Yeah, but I also feel like, you know, with these elections, people always put so much into how things are gonna change.

• 23:06Christina Pazsitzky?

  I know.

• 23:07Tom Segura?

  And shit's not gonna change.

• 23:08Christina Pazsitzky?

  It's only four years. I mean, look, I'm not a political person.

• 23:12Tom Segura?

  Things are not going to change. Your life's not gonna change. It's not, people are like, I miss gas prices. Like, huh? Do you know that, like, that's not how gas prices work? The, the president doesn't get in and go, new gas prices. That's not how it works. I don't think you know how, do you, do you have anything?

• 23:29Christina Pazsitzky?

  New gas prices?

• 23:29Tom Segura?

  Yeah, they're just like, uh, fucking, gas was cheaper. And you're like, uh huh. You know, it has to do with the price of oil at the time, right? The US president doesn't dictate that. I mean, whatever. People are fucking morons, so like.

• 23:40Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah.

• 23:41Tom Segura?

  What did the vice president do the last few years? Like, do you know what the vice president's job is? Like, that's not, vice president's not gonna be like, here's what I've done the last four years.

• 23:49Christina Pazsitzky?

  What is the vice president's job?

• 23:51Tom Segura?

  To fucking be a figurehead and support the administration. That's it. That's all they do.

• 23:55Christina Pazsitzky?

  Like, that person's there.

• 23:56Tom Segura?

  And whatever the president says, they go, that's right.

• 23:58Christina Pazsitzky?

  Right. They're a hype man. Like, they're just supposed to be there in case the press gets shot, right? And then you're back up.

• 24:04Tom Segura?

  And you just are a mouthpiece for the press. You don't do anything. You're a, you're like a figure, you're like the queen of England. You just show up. You show up places and you fade away and they go, get the fuck out of here. Yeah. You don't do anything.

• 24:20Christina Pazsitzky?

  That sounds cool.

• 24:20Tom Segura?

  They're figureheads.

• 24:21Christina Pazsitzky?

  Do you wanna run for president and I'll be your VP?

• 24:23Tom Segura?

  No, I'd rather be VP. I don't wanna fucking do anything.

• 24:25Christina Pazsitzky?

  I don't wanna do anything.

• 24:26Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 24:26Christina Pazsitzky?

  I don't wanna be first lady. That's way too much.

• 24:29Tom Segura?

  Yeah, you have the.

• 24:30Christina Pazsitzky?

  That's too much. You have to, I have to pretend to be into causes and stuff, like.

• 24:33Tom Segura?

  No, vice president, you show up, people go, we forgot you were fucking vice president. You're like, yeah, I know, I've been busy at the fucking, at the residence.

• 24:41Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah, they don't do shit.

• 24:43Tom Segura?

  And then all they do is like, they go, the press goes, what do you think of the president's decision?

• 24:47Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah, it's great.

• 24:48Tom Segura?

  And they go, yeah, the president has a great plan and I'm 100% behind him.

• 24:53Christina Pazsitzky?

  It's basically the job of a wife. Like, whenever your husband does stupid shit, you have to be like, no, he's right. He's 100% right.

• 25:00Tom Segura?

  That's 100% what it is.

• 25:01Christina Pazsitzky?

  And I'm behind this person no matter what.

• 25:03Tom Segura?

  The vice president should inherently be the first lady, cuz the first lady knows how to do it.

• 25:07Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah.

• 25:08Tom Segura?

  If you get elected president, your wife is vice president.

• 25:11Christina Pazsitzky?

  That should be how it goes.

• 25:13Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 25:13Christina Pazsitzky?

  But then what happens if he gets shot? Then she's gotta do it. Then you have to find a white guy to replace the vice president.

• 25:19Tom Segura?

  That's right.

• 25:19Christina Pazsitzky?

  I don't wanna be president.

• 25:21Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 25:22Christina Pazsitzky?

  Oh.

• 25:23Tom Segura?

  Yeah, I mean, yes. Technically, the VP is president of the senate. Again, it's just a fucking.

• 25:30Christina Pazsitzky?

  President of the senate?

• 25:32Tom Segura?

  Yeah, but they have. They have a deciding vote, you know, on ties and like, but it's, it's rarely ever something that they go to, but.

• 25:43Tom Segura?

  It's all like, it's like a representation of something. It's not, it's not real work.

• 25:48Christina Pazsitzky?

  It's being the wife to the president, basically. It should always be done by a woman, because we're just easier to get along with.

• 25:54Tom Segura?

  You think so?

• 25:54Christina Pazsitzky?

  And we're just like, yeah, that's so, you're so smart, babe. It's kind of like what I do with you. I'm like, babe, you're so handsome, you're so smart. Everything you do is rad.

• 26:01Tom Segura?

  Now, here's something that, there was a third-party candidate that wasn't on a lot of ballots, a lot of people don't know about.

• 26:09Speaker 03

  Diarrhea test 468, initiate.

• 26:23Christina Pazsitzky?

  That's brilliant.

• 26:26Speaker 03

  Test 468, complete. More data to follow.

• 26:31Christina Pazsitzky?

  This is brilliant.

• 26:32Tom Segura?

  This guy does this all the time.

• 26:33Christina Pazsitzky?

  I can vote for this immediately. He's stepping, don't step in it. He's afraid of stepping in it. He just loaded his shorts.

• 26:40Tom Segura?

  He doesn't mind loading the shorts up, but you don't want to step. I know that feeling. You just don't want to step in it.

• 26:45Christina Pazsitzky?

  It's like when your cat shits in the litter box and it's squirrely. He's trying not to step. This guy's brilliant.

• 26:50Tom Segura?

  Yeah, he's been doing a lot of cool stuff. Uncle Ron.

• 26:54Christina Pazsitzky?

  Now, might I make a suggestion, Uncle Ron?

• 26:56Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 26:57Christina Pazsitzky?

  If you really want to engage your followers, you should make cellophane underwear. Tight cellophane.

• 27:04Tom Segura?

  So you can actually see.

• 27:05Christina Pazsitzky?

  I want to see what I'm missing.

• 27:06Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 27:07Christina Pazsitzky?

  This is too much of the imagination.

• 27:11Speaker 03

  Diarrhea test 470, initiate.

• 27:17Christina Pazsitzky?

  Don't push too hard, you don't have to push.

• 27:20Christina Pazsitzky?

  Oh, he's peeing too.

• 27:27Christina Pazsitzky?

  This is the greatest. Who is this man?

• 27:29Speaker 03

  It appears to be just your very interesting findings. More to follow.

• 27:35Tom Segura?

  You gotta keep looking up that data.

• 27:36Speaker 03

  I am a fucking loser. God damn it.

• 27:43Christina Pazsitzky?

  That's how I feel when I piss and don't shit.

• 27:43Tom Segura?

  He does a lot of humor posts, though, too. I've watched, I follow this guy.

• 27:46Christina Pazsitzky?

  Where, where are you finding him?

• 27:47Tom Segura?

  He's on IG. These are on Instagram.

• 27:49Christina Pazsitzky?

  No. How have I missed this guy?

• 27:51Tom Segura?

  You may have seen him in another, one of his other videos.

• 27:54Christina Pazsitzky?

  What's his name?

• 27:55Tom Segura?

  Uh, I mean, Uncle, what is the, the actual? Uncle Ron Returns. Is that the name of the handle? Yeah.

• 28:02Christina Pazsitzky?

  Is this on YouTube as well?

• 28:03Tom Segura?

  No, I think it's just Instagram.

• 28:05Christina Pazsitzky?

  This is awesome. Now, see, Instagram is caught up to TikTok, and I will even say, surpass TikTok. Now, when I find my curations.

• 28:13Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 28:14Christina Pazsitzky?

  It's become more mainstream.

• 28:16Tom Segura?

  Um, I hate that it says that, uh, you flagged this for me, that I have to watch this.

• 28:21Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah.

• 28:23Tom Segura?

  Oh.

• 28:25Christina Pazsitzky?

  For those people just listening.

• 28:27Tom Segura?

  Oh.

• 28:28Christina Pazsitzky?

  It's a, it's a dude on public transportation. Violently picking his nose and then eating the books. Oh, isn't that special? This is an Asian one. This is what, Japan? Usually they're not that disgusting. Right? Aren't Japanese people like hygienic and public and stuff?

• 28:45Tom Segura?

  I don't know.

• 28:46Christina Pazsitzky?

  I could be wrong.

• 28:47Tom Segura?

  I'm fucking sick of my stomach. No, I hated it so much.

• 28:50Christina Pazsitzky?

  Why do you hate that so bad?

• 28:56Christina Pazsitzky?

  I know what you're doing. I know what the fuck you're doing. You're looking for a retaliation video.

• 29:00Tom Segura?

  No, I would never do that.

• 29:01Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yes, you are. Yes, you are.

• 29:02Speaker 05

  This'll probably kill you, right?

• 29:03Speaker 06

  Nah, nah.

• 29:04Tom Segura?

  I love it.

• 29:04Christina Pazsitzky?

  They're gonna puke.

• 29:05Speaker 06

  You know what? They kinda look like those don't eat packets.

• 29:09Speaker 05

  I just leave them in my upper lip.

• 29:10Speaker 06

  Like the don't eat packets.

• 29:12Tom Segura?

  Yeah. He's gonna puke. They're supposed to like make it fresher. Nicotine? Yeah.

• 29:16Speaker 05

  All right, and how long, how long does it take?

• 29:18Speaker 06

  You're a bad influence, Michael.

• 29:20Tom Segura?

  I'm like, I'm so honored that I'm the, I'm the person who's peer pressured you to do nicotine patches for the first time.

• 29:26Speaker 05

  Yeah, yeah, I've never, I've never done nicotine ever, so I'll, I'll know what to expect.

• 29:30Tom Segura?

  It's so good, the first time.

• 29:30Tom Segura?

  But you have like the Rick Ross.

• 29:32Speaker 06

  Yeah, I do look like Rick Ross.

• 29:34Christina Pazsitzky?

  Those kids are freestyling.

• 29:35Speaker 06

  Sometimes, if I'm In the right headspace. Okay.

• 29:38Tom Segura?

  Sweating already.

• 29:39Speaker 06

  One time I was pre-selling here with a bunch of people from Backdoor Comedy Club.

• 29:43Christina Pazsitzky?

  That's me.

• 29:44Speaker 06

  Uh, and, uh, it was like, uh, Emmanuel.

• 29:47Tom Segura?

  No, he's fine.

• 29:48Christina Pazsitzky?

  No, he's not fine.

• 29:49Tom Segura?

  He's fine. He's fine. He, he just, he was just fine. You missed it. He was fine.

• 29:55Christina Pazsitzky?

  No, I don't want to see that. I got it.

• 29:56Speaker 06

  But you have like the Rick Ross.

• 29:57Tom Segura?

  No, it's not.

• 29:58Speaker 06

  Yeah, I do look like Rick Ross.

• 29:59Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yes, it is. Don't lie to me.

• 30:00Tom Segura?

  He passes out.

• 30:01Speaker 06

  Sometimes if I'm in the right headspace.

• 30:03Tom Segura?

  He passes out.

• 30:04Speaker 06

  Yeah, one time I was.

• 30:05Tom Segura?

  He passes out.

• 30:06Speaker 06

  Pre-selling here with a bunch of people from, uh, Backdoor Comedy Club.

• 30:08Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah, he's gonna pee.

• 30:09Tom Segura?

  Yes, no, he doesn't. He hits the table with his head.

• 30:10Christina Pazsitzky?

  Ah!

• 30:11Tom Segura?

  Look, you're looking, you're missing.

• 30:13Christina Pazsitzky?

  No!

• 30:14Tom Segura?

  Look!

• 30:14Christina Pazsitzky?

  Not missing. I don't like it. You fucker. You fucking asshole. You fuck ass. Ew, he pees up everywhere. It's all pee. Is that gonna happen to me if I try that?

• 30:23Tom Segura?

  Nah.

• 30:23Speaker 06

  Nah.

• 30:24Christina Pazsitzky?

  You're such a fucker, you know that?

• 30:25Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 30:26Christina Pazsitzky?

  I hate you. I take back everything nice I've ever fucking said about you.

• 30:28Tom Segura?

  You had, what happened? You said you're done with something?

• 30:31Christina Pazsitzky?

  I hate you so much.

• 30:32Tom Segura?

  What were you done with?

• 30:33Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah, anyway, I, uh, yeah, I finished radiation.

• 30:36Tom Segura?

  Oh, yeah.

• 30:36Christina Pazsitzky?

  Ooh! Thank you for your, your support, Tom. Anyway, yeah, thanks, Josh.

• 30:46Speaker 03

  This is a YOY M A House inspired.

• 30:51Speaker 03

  You smelt it here first.

• 30:53Tom Segura?

  Tell us.

• 30:54Christina Pazsitzky?

  Done. I did thirty-five rounds of fucking Chernobyl in my tits, in my body, and I'm glad I'm done. Cancer treatment is officially over. I'm cancer-free and I'm fucking back. And then I'll get my tits done in, uh, six months. Uh, but I know you guys have been wondering what magazines did I leave on my last day of treatment?

• 31:16Tom Segura?

  I have photos.

• 31:18Christina Pazsitzky?

  Okay, so I had to go all over Austin to find an, a magazine stand. It's very hard to find quality mags these days. Um, okay, so I did find like a gay.

• 31:30Christina Pazsitzky?

  Gay Travel Magazine.

• 31:32Tom Segura?

  I don't have that one.

• 31:33Christina Pazsitzky?

  No, no, no, because I didn't, I ended up not dropping it. It was too aggressive, like they were like kind of holding each other too much and like they're touching their junk.

• 31:40Tom Segura?

  Okay.

• 31:41Christina Pazsitzky?

  So what I left instead was Elizabeth Hurley on the cover of Maxim. This is in the waiting room. I've been dropping, you know, fun mags.

• 31:50Tom Segura?

  And she's leaning over and the tits are out.

• 31:51Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah, and her tits are out. You know, she's older for a Maxim model, I'd say, but I figure the older crowd would appreciate that.

• 31:57Tom Segura?

  Definitely.

• 31:58Christina Pazsitzky?

  And then, of course, my final token, Weed World.

• 32:02Tom Segura?

  Weed World.

• 32:03Christina Pazsitzky?

  I thought that was pretty fun to leave behind.

• 32:04Tom Segura?

  That's very cool. And also, this is the right audience for getting into weed.

• 32:09Christina Pazsitzky?

  That's true, the cancer crowd. They love it.

• 32:11Tom Segura?

  You know, I've been hearing about this stuff.

• 32:13Christina Pazsitzky?

  That's true. I didn't even think about that.

• 32:14Tom Segura?

  Well, that's Tangerine Dream.

• 32:16Christina Pazsitzky?

  Tangerine Dream. So that's it. I'm done. I wore a prom dress to my last treatment.

• 32:21Tom Segura?

  Look at you.

• 32:21Christina Pazsitzky?

  There I am.

• 32:22Tom Segura?

  You look great.

• 32:23Christina Pazsitzky?

  My, it's my Chernobyl yellow dress.

• 32:25Tom Segura?

  You look festive.

• 32:26Christina Pazsitzky?

  My buddy. I'm super happy. I rang the bell and I was worried that I would be kind of a nanny nanny poo poo to the sick people. Guess what?

• 32:36Tom Segura?

  What?

• 32:36Christina Pazsitzky?

  They all clapped and cheered and it was very special and beautiful.

• 32:40Tom Segura?

  That's very sweet.

• 32:41Christina Pazsitzky?

  And that was it. And now I'm severely traumatized. I've been reading horror, horror porn, like Clive Barker books, like Books of Blood.

• 32:50Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 32:50Christina Pazsitzky?

  I don't know what that means. Very dark.

• 32:52Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 32:53Christina Pazsitzky?

  But also very horny at the same time.

• 32:55Tom Segura?

  It's horny?

• 32:55Christina Pazsitzky?

  It's horny and dark and macabre.

• 32:58Tom Segura?

  Why? I don't understand.

• 32:59Christina Pazsitzky?

  Because it's like, it's like they talk about sexual stuff at the same time, like ripping flesh off of bones and stuff. And like, it'll get them aroused to, to see like, uh, blood and guts and stuff.

• 33:14Tom Segura?

  Who's aroused by it?

• 33:15Christina Pazsitzky?

  Like the characters. These are all short stories.

• 33:17Tom Segura?

  But they're aroused by, by horror?

• 33:19Christina Pazsitzky?

  Horror and gore and weirdness. It's a, it's a whole new genre I'm into right now.

• 33:23Tom Segura?

  That's kind of a thing that happens in real life to some people who, um, like are, you know, like somebody who's in a war zone.

• 33:31Christina Pazsitzky?

  That's me.

• 33:32Tom Segura?

  So you get aroused because it's not that you're aroused by it, it's that your system is shocked by trauma.

• 33:38Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah.

• 33:38Tom Segura?

  And to process it, some people don't know how to process it. And so it finds it, it basically manifests its way out of you through sometimes horniness.

• 33:48Christina Pazsitzky?

  Well, that's probably where I'm at because I've been reading, like I said, Clive Barker, who wrote Hellraiser. I'm a huge fan.

• 33:55Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 33:57Christina Pazsitzky?

  And the books of blood is what that stuff's based on.

• 34:00Tom Segura?

  Interesting.

• 34:01Christina Pazsitzky?

  And I think, yeah, maybe I'm just super traumatized and there you go.

• 34:04Tom Segura?

  There you go.

• 34:05Christina Pazsitzky?

  Uh, shout out also Doug Bradley, who plays Pinhead. He's a fan of the show.

• 34:11Tom Segura?

  Also, I'm very proud of you and I'm very happy for you.

• 34:13Christina Pazsitzky?

  Thanks.

• 34:14Tom Segura?

  Through this. Yeah.

• 34:14Christina Pazsitzky?

  Well, yeah, because, you know, without me, like, who's gonna, who's gonna, you know, love you and take care of your kids and stuff and tell you how great you are? Who's gonna be your vice president without me?

• 34:26Tom Segura?

  There you go. Yeah. Thanks, BP. Thank you.

• 34:28Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah, I'm happy. Also.

• 34:30Tom Segura?

  And I think it was real sweet that you dropped off the magazines for them. I really did. That's one of my favorite bits you've done.

• 34:36Christina Pazsitzky?

  Uh, but we'll see if they've pinned it to me, if they've, if they've identified me.

• 34:40Tom Segura?

  They're gonna get a good tip now.

• 34:41Christina Pazsitzky?

  They're gonna know now. I know. I'm gonna go back in for my checkup like tomorrow.

• 34:44Tom Segura?

  It'd be cool if they're like, oh, you had an appointment here, but um, we're canceling your appointment.

• 34:48Christina Pazsitzky?

  They know that I'm an asshole. Uh, but I know that a lot's been going on in my world with cancer and the radiation, but more importantly.

• 34:56Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 34:57Christina Pazsitzky?

  Major news in your world we haven't even talked about yet.

• 35:00Tom Segura?

  Which is?

• 35:01Christina Pazsitzky?

  The return of the jacket.

• 35:05Tom Segura?

  Oh, my God. So.

• 35:09Christina Pazsitzky?

  The jacket.

• 35:12Christina Pazsitzky?

  Wow, goes back this far.

• 35:13Tom Segura?

  Yeah. Let's show the people the, this story first. I think this should summarize it for everybody first. It happened about seven years ago. I couldn't believe it.

• 35:27Christina Pazsitzky?

  This jacket fit like a glove, man. And I just, I absolutely loved this jacket. You mean you lost it? Well, I think I did lose it, but I wasn't sure. You would've kept a better eye on it.

• 35:37Tom Segura?

  Such an asshole. It was sad, you know? It was the best jacket.

• 35:40Christina Pazsitzky?

  It just bothers me that it's on. I know. You have to let it go. You gotta let it go, Tom.

• 35:45Tom Segura?

  It really broke my heart. I just thought it was irreplaceable, you know?

• 35:51Christina Pazsitzky?

  Jacket karma. You lose a jacket. Exactly. And you're gonna gain an even better jacket. Just watch. You're seated, it'll come to you.

• 35:57Tom Segura?

  Then I came to Paris. I saw this jacket and oh, my God.

• 36:10Tom Segura?

  It's the best jacket in Paris. It's the best jacket in the world. People are asking about the jacket. Is it true that he's wearing the jacket today? His jacket, man.

• 36:18Speaker 07

  Oh la la, sexy. Epatich.

• 36:20Tom Segura?

  Where can I get one? People are touching it and talking to me about it. So hot, so much jacket. It's the best jacket.

• 36:26Speaker 07

  Je veux voir la veste.

• 36:27Tom Segura?

  Sexy jacket.

• 36:28Speaker 07

  Votre veste est à l'store. La chaquette est à la tregue.

• 36:30Tom Segura?

  I want to see the jacket. I'm not gonna lose this one. I love my jacket.

• 36:35Christina Pazsitzky?

  There's gonna be a great resolution to your lost jacket. You'll see.

• 36:41Christina Pazsitzky?

  Lisa, make this rest. Keep the jacket! I can't keep it. It's gotta rest. You know, the Nazis...

• 36:50Christina Pazsitzky?

  Wow, the jacket!

• 36:51Tom Segura?

  That's the jacket story. The origin of... So the first one, the one that we flash back to.

• 36:56Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yes.

• 36:57Tom Segura?

  I remember that... You remember when we did Nikki Glaser's show together? The Comedy Central show?

• 37:02Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yes, not safe.

• 37:03Tom Segura?

  That's what that still was from, because I wore it that day. And I just don't remember it after that, but when I lost it, I was heartbroken. And you were right, one jacket left, and years, it took years.

• 37:15Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah.

• 37:16Tom Segura?

  Years.

• 37:16Christina Pazsitzky?

  Years.

• 37:17Tom Segura?

  And then this jacket came into my life. And I wore it to the Mike Tyson fight.

• 37:24Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah.

• 37:24Tom Segura?

  So many BTBs.

• 37:28Christina Pazsitzky?

  BTBs?

• 37:29Tom Segura?

  Big time blacks.

• 37:30Christina Pazsitzky?

  Ooh, yeah.

• 37:30Tom Segura?

  Gave me incredible compliments.

• 37:33Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah.

• 37:33Tom Segura?

  People were talking about it left and right.

• 37:36Christina Pazsitzky?

  Oh, yeah.

• 37:36Tom Segura?

  I mean, it was... Oh my god.

• 37:39Christina Pazsitzky?

  People couldn't focus on the fight.

• 37:41Tom Segura?

  Here I am with Pac-Man Jones.

• 37:43Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah.

• 37:45Tom Segura?

  Oh, there we are.

• 37:45Christina Pazsitzky?

  Oh, there we are.

• 37:46Tom Segura?

  Page Six, I don't know.

• 37:47Christina Pazsitzky?

  What?

• 37:48Tom Segura?

  I guess.

• 37:49Christina Pazsitzky?

  How did I even realize I'd been photographed? Oh, yeah, I remember when they took that.

• 37:52Tom Segura?

  Yeah. Anyway. I would forget that I had the jacket on.

• 37:59Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah.

• 37:59Tom Segura?

  And then I was reminded constantly. People were like, "That's a fresh jacket. That's a nice jacket. Where'd you get that jacket?" People were asking me left and right. So much fun. I introduced you to Pac-Man. Pac-Man Jones was there. And he was so vintage Pac-Man. He was the life of the pre-party. During the fight, they were bringing out like clearly these boxes that were meant for somebody. He was like, hey, give me that. Just take like six of them and hand them out to us and people around us.

• 38:34Christina Pazsitzky?

  They were like snack boxes that Netflix had provided for.

• 38:37Tom Segura?

  They were going somewhere and he was like, nope.

• 38:39Christina Pazsitzky?

  Hilarious. And no, and then, and then wait, wait, the best part is he opened one.

• 38:44Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 38:45Christina Pazsitzky?

  Didn't like the contents.

• 38:46Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 38:47Christina Pazsitzky?

  And then handed it to me.

• 38:48Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 38:48Christina Pazsitzky?

  Like, hey, you want this shit?

• 38:49Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 38:51Christina Pazsitzky?

  Thanks, Pac-Man.

• 38:52Tom Segura?

  He was the life of the party.

• 38:54Christina Pazsitzky?

  He really was.

• 38:55Tom Segura?

  And I had so much fun. And then he, you know, we talked about getting together. He also wants to come on tour and see a show.

• 39:01Christina Pazsitzky?

  Oh.

• 39:02Tom Segura?

  And I was so stoked. And then the next day I get a text from someone. They're like, oh, sucks about Pac-Man. I'm like, what do you mean sucks about Pac-Man? And they're like, they sent me this.

• 39:12Christina Pazsitzky?

  There's the jacket.

• 39:13Tom Segura?

  There's the jacket and there's me and Pac-Man. Um, yeah.

• 39:19Christina Pazsitzky?

  And then.

• 39:19Tom Segura?

  I know it fucking sucks.

• 39:21Christina Pazsitzky?

  Well, read the, it says former NFL player Adam Pac-Man Jones.

• 39:24Tom Segura?

  Arrested on multiple charges after Mike Tyson Jake Paul fight, police say. And I was like, no.

• 39:29Christina Pazsitzky?

  And you're in the photo.

• 39:30Tom Segura?

  I'm in the photo that they, they did it with. But, um, yeah, he got arrested just after one. So that's only like a couple of hours after we said bye to him.

• 39:40Christina Pazsitzky?

  But can I tell you that I kind of, I understand him.

• 39:44Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 39:45Christina Pazsitzky?

  Getting so fired up because I think you had to be in the room to feel the energy of the level of disappointment that we all felt from that fight. Because the women went up first, those, the two women fought.

• 39:58Tom Segura?

  Taylor and Serrano.

• 39:59Christina Pazsitzky?

  Oh my God. And that was like.

• 40:01Tom Segura?

  That was a brawl.

• 40:02Christina Pazsitzky?

  Palpable energy and people were fucking losing their minds.

• 40:06Tom Segura?

  We were all like, we were, I mean, and you know, who fucking knew that was going to be a fight was Kendall.

• 40:12Christina Pazsitzky?

  That's right. Kendall Tool, we ran into her.

• 40:14Tom Segura?

  Ran into her and she was like, get to your seat for this fight. She was like, cause this was like their rematch, maybe even the third fight. And she was like, this is going to be a good fight. And that fight was incredible.

• 40:25Christina Pazsitzky?

  That crushed. Her eye gashed open and we could see that.

• 40:28Tom Segura?

  And Taylor was.

• 40:30Christina Pazsitzky?

  That was amazing. I'm totally into to women's boxing now and I want to go see UFC.

• 40:35Tom Segura?

  You gotta go live.

• 40:36Christina Pazsitzky?

  I gotta go see all the stuff.

• 40:36Tom Segura?

  Live is a total. It's just like when people go, I watch comedy specials and you're like, you've never been to a live show? Like, it's a totally different thing.

• 40:42Christina Pazsitzky?

  Well, and I have to admit that I was very sexist against women when I saw them fighting each other the first time. Like, I remember even saying to Joe, like privately one day, I was like, I don't, I don't know. I don't like seeing women hitting each other and stuff. He's like, goes Christina, they're warriors. And I was like, oh, that's cool. Like, that kinda.

• 41:01Tom Segura?

  Yeah, they're not regular.

• 41:02Christina Pazsitzky?

  That makes sense or not?

• 41:02Tom Segura?

  They're not regular chicks.

• 41:04Christina Pazsitzky?

  No. And then I was like, I get it. Cause when a bitch fights, fu- like, you know how fucked up you have to be to be a female comic? Take that times a hundred and you're a female boxer? Holy shit. Now I gotta get into this. I love it.

• 41:18Tom Segura?

  Incredible UFC MMA fighters.

• 41:20Christina Pazsitzky?

  No, I'm, I wanna watch. So, so hold on. So, the room is electric. These women fight. Everybody's pumped. And we're all waiting for Tyson to come out, right? And, and the other guy, Jake, Paul, Jake Ryan?

• 41:33Tom Segura?

  Jake Paul.

• 41:34Christina Pazsitzky?

  Paul Ryan comes out and we're just like, boo, fuck that guy.

• 41:37Tom Segura?

  Everybody booed. It was insane. That, it was like a, a fucking stadium booing and then a stadium cheering. It was insane.

• 41:43Christina Pazsitzky?

  No one gives a shit about that guy.

• 41:45Tom Segura?

  Here's the thing. I mean, obviously a lot of people watch this live, so I'm not telling you anything you don't know. But we're, at this point, they move us, we're in the fourth row and we have great, like, just right there. And like that first round, you know, you're like, okay, it's first round, kinda jitters, uh, feeling each other out. Like, okay. And you get into like the second and third round and you clearly see something. Two things really that stand out to me. A, Tyson's footwork is just, it's, it's odd and it's off, right? But the other thing that's real clear is that he doesn't press once. So he would set something up, like a clean jab, rock, and then there's a window for you to go in.

• 42:29Tom Segura?

  And like, it's like how he, that's how he made a name for himself, right? Was like, bap, bap, and then the attack, right? You press, bap, bap, and like unload on somebody. And every time you're seeing a window for it, he's actually retreating, clearly. So he's like, boom, and then, you know, your, your opponent gets rocked. So this is like the window for you now to attack. Like, their defense is down for a brief moment. And he would retreat and you're just watching this and then by the fifth round, the sixth round, that's all you're seeing. You're just seeing retreating and you're like, oh, and then it's clear that to be fair to Jake, he also is doing the same thing.

• 43:07Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah.

• 43:07Tom Segura?

  He's setting up something with a jab and then retreating and then you're like, we're, what we're watching is a friendly spar. We're watching like sparring, light sparring. We're not watching a fight. And then it's like, it takes, it just takes you a moment to process it. You're like, oh, I can't believe that's what I'm watching right now. I got all excited for, you know, a fight, a brawl.

• 43:28Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah.

• 43:29Tom Segura?

  And then, and it's just clearly not that. And so, yeah, there was just this, um, real cloud of disappointment in the area.

• 43:38Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah.

• 43:38Tom Segura?

  I mean, the crowd started to boo pretty loud by the sixth, seventh and the eighth round.

• 43:42Christina Pazsitzky?

  I was upset. I wanted my hero to win.

• 43:44Tom Segura?

  Yeah, everybody was just like, what the fuck is this? I mean, it just felt like there was, there was clearly an arrangement.

• 43:51Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah, the, yeah, right?

• 43:52Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 43:52Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah, the energy was just, and the energy was upset.

• 43:56Tom Segura?

  It was such blue balls.

• 43:58Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah.

• 43:58Tom Segura?

  You know, we were all like, we're gonna nut so hard.

• 44:01Christina Pazsitzky?

  So fucking hard, dude.

• 44:02Tom Segura?

  And then everybody was like, no, oh, we're, this isn't a topless place.

• 44:07Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah.

• 44:07Tom Segura?

  We, we keep our bikinis on.

• 44:09Christina Pazsitzky?

  That's bullshit.

• 44:09Tom Segura?

  What the fuck are we doing here?

• 44:10Christina Pazsitzky?

  I know.

• 44:11Tom Segura?

  I, I.

• 44:12Christina Pazsitzky?

  I know.

• 44:13Tom Segura?

  Six thousand dollars in cash.

• 44:14Christina Pazsitzky?

  I know, I know.

• 44:15Tom Segura?

  I'm just gonna watch you dance? I don't give a shit about your dancing, I want to see your tits, like, you know, that's kinda what it felt like.

• 44:20Christina Pazsitzky?

  Thanks, Tom. That's a really perfect analogy.

• 44:21Tom Segura?

  I just pulled that out and they, so the, um,

• 44:26Tom Segura?

  here's the thing that I heard though, that I wanted to tell you about Pac-Man is that I get, I see this, I'm like, damn, so sad. And I, I see the write-up. Then I went to Pac-Man's page and if you go to Pac-Man's Instagram page, that one on the left there with all those people?

• 44:44Christina Pazsitzky?

  Hmm.

• 44:45Tom Segura?

  That's from the night, put the audio.

• 44:49Christina Pazsitzky?

  Whoa.

• 44:50Tom Segura?

  That's at the, that's where at the place he got arrested. You hear that lady drop the end bomb?

• 44:57Christina Pazsitzky?

  That's right, dude.

• 45:00Christina Pazsitzky?

  Jeez.

• 45:05Tom Segura?

  And there's Pac-Man.

• 45:09Tom Segura?

  Calling him an N-bomb. Guy, they're touching him.

• 45:19Tom Segura?

  Right?

• 45:20Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah, he did.

• 45:24Christina Pazsitzky?

  Calling him the N-bomb.

• 45:31Tom Segura?

  Anyway.

• 45:33Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah.

• 45:33Tom Segura?

  Pretty crazy that like, that's who is saying shit like that to him. And clearly that's considered assault too, you know, like touching somebody. Anyway, uh, by the time you guys see this, I'm sure he will have given more, um, info on it. But it's like, sometimes you just see an article and you're like, oh, what happened? Then you see something like this and it's, uh, it's pretty gross.

• 45:56Christina Pazsitzky?

  Instigated it for sure.

• 45:58Tom Segura?

  Pretty gross.

• 45:59Christina Pazsitzky?

  Again, the emotions were high. Everybody was, ugh, there's a lot going on. Listen, I gotta piss real quick.

• 46:05Tom Segura?

  Okay.

• 46:05Christina Pazsitzky?

  And then I gotta make a big announcement and Polly that I'm buying.

• 46:08Tom Segura?

  Go, go, go ahead. You peed, I took my hair off.

• 46:12Christina Pazsitzky?

  We're just getting comfortable.

• 46:14Tom Segura?

  So, you know, as a lifelong Goth and Goth fan, I brought something to your attention. Cause I'm always trying to get you to learn more about me. And, um, Boise State has a volleyball player.

• 46:26Christina Pazsitzky?

  A Goth beach volleyball player, Nora Hayde, a sophomore beach volleyball player at Boise State University, has gone viral for her unconventional Goth look featured in her team's roster photo. No, she is rad. Now I will say as a Goth, very strange to choose beach volleyball considering we don't like to get a ton of sunlight.

• 46:47Tom Segura?

  And also like, it's kind of like festive sport.

• 46:50Christina Pazsitzky?

  It is a perky thing. I mean, I would go with something angry like lacrosse, maybe horseback riding, solo sport, maybe tennis. A Goth tennis player would be great, but I'm stoked. It says, standing out with her pink dyed bangs, bold eyeliner and septum ring, Hayde has earned a large online following for bringing an alternative aesthetic to sport, to a sport often associated with traditional beach culture. So, good. I'm, I'm, okay, it says, Hayde's unique appearance has sparked a humorous online debate over whether her style leans more toward Goth or Juggalo.

• 47:23Tom Segura?

  Oh, I can see that.

• 47:26Christina Pazsitzky?

  But she remains focused on combining her love for sports and artistic self-expression. Very cool.

• 47:31Tom Segura?

  You guys, one of the things you do-

• 47:33Christina Pazsitzky?

  She's a Goth lead.

• 47:34Tom Segura?

  As a Goth-

• 47:35Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah.

• 47:35Tom Segura?

  Is you, you, like, sometimes, um, like, some of your friends, like, you'll meet somebody and they're like, "Oh, she's Goth." But you're like, "She's this type of Goth."

• 47:42Christina Pazsitzky?

  Sure.

• 47:43Tom Segura?

  She's like a new age Goth or whatever.

• 47:44Christina Pazsitzky?

  So I'm a trad, I consider myself trad Goth. We're the first wave. Um, I'm, I, you know, I stop there. I don't like Marilyn Manson. I know, I know, I'm sorry, guys. I stop at, like, the eighties music.

• 47:58Tom Segura?

  Is this sort of like, um, a trans-exclusive radical feminist? Are you the J.K. Rowling-

• 48:03Christina Pazsitzky?

  Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 48:04Tom Segura?

  Of Goths?

• 48:05Christina Pazsitzky?

  So she would be, I guess, um, and I want to go with, like, not a cyber Goth, but a definitely the newest generation of Goth, which I'm not even familiar with. But I like it. It does, it's a little jugolet. I can see that.

• 48:20Tom Segura?

  Yeah, but she seems very cool.

• 48:22Christina Pazsitzky?

  But I respect the hair. I respect the tradition.

• 48:24Tom Segura?

  Here's the thing, you're always, like, into somebody who owns what they're into. You know what I mean?

• 48:28Christina Pazsitzky?

  Always.

• 48:28Tom Segura?

  Owns what they are.

• 48:30Christina Pazsitzky?

  I love her.

• 48:30Tom Segura?

  She is what she is, man.

• 48:32Christina Pazsitzky?

  Good for her.

• 48:33Tom Segura?

  Speaking of people who are just who they are.

• 48:36Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah.

• 48:36Tom Segura?

  Uh, Fancy Chef, apparently-

• 48:38Christina Pazsitzky?

  Oh, wow.

• 48:39Tom Segura?

  Went to the script club.

• 48:42Tom Segura?

  He's in the script club and that's someone's ass, for sure.

• 48:45Christina Pazsitzky?

  Well, and her pussy, too.

• 48:46Tom Segura?

  The outline of it, sure.

• 48:47Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah.

• 48:48Tom Segura?

  Yeah. I mean, yeah.

• 48:50Christina Pazsitzky?

  That's crazy.

• 48:51Tom Segura?

  He's doing his thing, you know?

• 48:52Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah, good for him.

• 48:53Tom Segura?

  He's doing his thing, man.

• 48:54Christina Pazsitzky?

  He's still wearing his chef's uniform under the fur coat, which is rad. Like, always, always chefing, never not chef.

• 49:00Tom Segura?

  I follow him. He went to Philly and he wore the mink-

• 49:03Christina Pazsitzky?

  Okay.

• 49:04Tom Segura?

  With the chef shit underneath and, yeah, he was really out there. But I got an update.

• 49:09Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah.

• 49:09Tom Segura?

  I don't know if you know this, he's upset. He's upset. That's what Zolo told me.

• 49:14Christina Pazsitzky?

  What? Why?

• 49:15Tom Segura?

  Zolo?

• 49:17Speaker 02

  Apparently we called him or somebody called him autistic on the show and

• 49:21Christina Pazsitzky?

  That's probably me.

• 49:22Speaker 02

  Yeah, he wants to set the record straight that he's not.

• 49:25Tom Segura?

  There you go.

• 49:26Christina Pazsitzky?

  Well, I'm sorry. I'm probably sure I did.

• 49:27Tom Segura?

  From the source himself, um, let it be known that the fanciest chefs on the planet, not autistic.

• 49:34Christina Pazsitzky?

  No.

• 49:34Tom Segura?

  So I hope that clears the air. Um.

• 49:37Christina Pazsitzky?

  Definitely not. I can't believe anybody. I'm sure it was me. I'm.

• 49:41Tom Segura?

  You must have misspoke that day.

• 49:43Christina Pazsitzky?

  Totally. I must have. Just whatever.

• 49:45Tom Segura?

  Here's a question. Is this guy autistic?

• 49:48Speaker 03

  All right. What's the lowest, what's the lowest of takes for you?

• 49:52Speaker 02

  Uh, I think about forty five hundred would probably be good.

• 49:59Speaker 03

  The hell was, the hell was that?

• 50:03Speaker 03

  Now you ain't hit no bumps or anything. Are you shitting yourself?

• 50:08Speaker 02

  Again, if I'm calling, if I'm calling about, uh, like, you know, I put an ad in there for my car. Why, why would I have some, why, why would I be doing that if I'm trying to sell my car? That doesn't make any sense.

• 50:19Speaker 03

  Well, it doesn't make any sense to be shitting into the phone either, but it sure as hell sounds like that's what you're doing.

• 50:26Speaker 03

  I mean, if I got some, call a spade a spade.

• 50:31Tom Segura?

  That's pretty, that guy, the guy let it go for a second and he's like, the fuck are you doing?

• 50:39Christina Pazsitzky?

  I do like the southern like, hey, man.

• 50:42Tom Segura?

  I do like this game.

• 50:43Christina Pazsitzky?

  Let's call it.

• 50:43Tom Segura?

  Of farting on serious phone calls. I think that's a very fun game.

• 50:48Christina Pazsitzky?

  Well, who, well, hold on.

• 50:50Tom Segura?

  What?

• 50:51Christina Pazsitzky?

  Does anyone else see the irony here?

• 50:53Tom Segura?

  Yep, yep.

• 50:54Christina Pazsitzky?

  Annie, go ahead and point it out to my husband.

• 50:56Speaker 04

  Well, yeah, he was a little angry when, uh, you did that. I mean, to be fair, it wasn't in a little non joking way, to be fair.

• 51:03Christina Pazsitzky?

  Non joking, in all seriousness.

• 51:05Tom Segura?

  What, when, what, what are you talking about?

• 51:06Christina Pazsitzky?

  That I would make business calls on the toilet.

• 51:08Tom Segura?

  No, that's a toilet. That's totally different. This is totally, what do you do on the toilet?

• 51:14Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah. What do you do on the toilet?

• 51:15Tom Segura?

  No, you have no respect for humanity. I'm talking about, this is a fun game.

• 51:20Christina Pazsitzky?

  Uh huh.

• 51:21Tom Segura?

  He's laying on the bed. It's totally different. You're taking dumps, talking to people.

• 51:26Christina Pazsitzky?

  Peeing. No, I didn't poo with Brendan. I only made.

• 51:30Tom Segura?

  You need to be with Uncle Ron making videos. This guy is more, I think, this is a more fun speed here. Okay?

• 51:36Christina Pazsitzky?

  I like it.

• 51:37Speaker 03

  Also, for some reason, a violin shakes. It only does that when I get, when I get filled up with gas.

• 51:48Speaker 03

  It only violently shakes when I fill it up with gas.

• 52:10Tom Segura?

  He got everybody on that one. You guys liked that one.

• 52:16Tom Segura?

  Yeah, I do that to my cousin Jeanette a lot. If I talk to her on the phone.

• 52:20Christina Pazsitzky?

  Babe, you do that to everyone.

• 52:21Tom Segura?

  No, not like that.

• 52:22Christina Pazsitzky?

  Babe, you do.

• 52:24Tom Segura?

  Like that?

• 52:24Christina Pazsitzky?

  Why are you lying?

• 52:25Tom Segura?

  I do that.

• 52:26Christina Pazsitzky?

  Pinocchio, your nose is gonna grow even bigger.

• 52:28Tom Segura?

  No, I did, I was with you and you called down to the front desk, remember when?

• 52:33Christina Pazsitzky?

  Oh my god.

• 52:34Tom Segura?

  And I just.

• 52:35Christina Pazsitzky?

  You beefed.

• 52:35Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 52:36Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah, but you beef and then you pull your legs up and you pump your legs and you spread your legs. You beef all the time.

• 52:44Tom Segura?

  That's not.

• 52:44Christina Pazsitzky?

  Why are you lying?

• 52:45Tom Segura?

  That's not true.

• 52:46Christina Pazsitzky?

  You're so disgusting. And then you're like, well, let's fuck, I wanna fuck. And then you're just beef on me all the time.

• 52:51Tom Segura?

  No.

• 52:52Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah. You beefed in the room last night, we were putting the boys down and it smelled so bad, we kicked you out.

• 52:57Tom Segura?

  That's true, that is a true story.

• 52:59Christina Pazsitzky?

  You're the king of beefs. Hey, may I please segue before we get into something else?

• 53:04Tom Segura?

  Yeah, sure, please.

• 53:05Christina Pazsitzky?

  Can I, I'm very excited to announce this. It's a beautiful lead in.

• 53:10Tom Segura?

  Here.

• 53:11Christina Pazsitzky?

  Thank you.

• 53:12Tom Segura?

  Let's see here.

• 53:13Christina Pazsitzky?

  Chips in a bowl, I want cats eating kibble.

• 53:15Tom Segura?

  Oh wow.

• 53:15Christina Pazsitzky?

  This is a big fucking thing.

• 53:20Christina Pazsitzky?

  Such a good sound.

• 53:22Tom Segura?

  This is for a big announcement.

• 53:23Christina Pazsitzky?

  This is a big announcement, kids.

• 53:29Christina Pazsitzky?

  Chips in a bowl.

• 53:34Christina Pazsitzky?

  Mommies.

• 53:35Tom Segura?

  The stage is set. Go ahead.

• 53:36Christina Pazsitzky?

  Jeans, everybody, pull your jeans up over your eyes as high and tight as they can go. At long last, at long last, you know, last summer I came out as Polly.

• 53:48Tom Segura?

  And bi.

• 53:49Christina Pazsitzky?

  And bi. And I came out with the perfect red. This was my first lipstick and I believe this to be the most perfect shade of red, the perfect consistency, everything, because I've been wearing red since I was 13 years old. And I researched it and I made it in Italy. And it's been such a success. And I thank everybody that's bought the perfect red that now, this is a blue based red. I have created a orange based red called the, uh, the, no, no, the atomic red. And this one is orange based and it's lighter, same formula, different color. And I've also added two more colors. Madison, which is a mauve. This one you can wear, uh, you know, picking up the kids, going to the grocery store. It just kind of elevates your everyday look.

• 54:34Christina Pazsitzky?

  And then if you want to get spooky and you really want to show motherfuckers what's up, Berlin. This is a dark burgundy and it's only for the real goths out there. It's real G's, maybe, uh, the Cholo goths, whatever. This is if you really want to.

• 54:50Tom Segura?

  Why don't you send that volleyball player one?

• 54:51Christina Pazsitzky?

  I would love to send the volleyball player all four. You can buy the perfect four, buy the collection together. And I also have a bunch of new merch in my store. By the way, I have a brand new website too. Christina P.com, no more Christina P online.com, which is so awful. Christina P.com, you can find all my new merch, new designs. I've actually drawn a lot of the doodles that are on these shirts myself. So you have to buy it. You have to check it out.

• 55:14Tom Segura?

  It's very cool stuff. Um, I will say this, Kristinza, um, in all the years that we've had, um, items, shirts, hats, mugs, whatever, back tote bags, you name it.

• 55:31Tom Segura?

  And you brought the idea of your lipstick.

• 55:34Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah.

• 55:35Tom Segura?

  And doing it, I was like, you know, fucking broad.

• 55:37Christina Pazsitzky?

  Dumb broad.

• 55:38Tom Segura?

  Yeah. And you know that it's the best selling thing that we've ever had in the store, in any store. And it's all because you thought.

• 55:47Christina Pazsitzky?

  Thank you, guys. Thank you. And it's all because of the mommies out there.

• 55:50Tom Segura?

  It is because of the mommies, but I'm saying it's because you believed in this, going down this path.

• 55:55Christina Pazsitzky?

  Well, I'll tell you why I believe in it, because I have a passion for it.

• 55:58Tom Segura?

  That's true.

• 55:59Christina Pazsitzky?

  I am fanatic about lipstick. You guys know me, I wear my red every single time we film the show. I'm passionate about lipstick and I believe in it. And that's why I spent a ton of money doing this. This is not a bullshit, cheapy thing.

• 56:12Tom Segura?

  No, I know.

• 56:12Christina Pazsitzky?

  This is made in Italy, it's imported, it's the best quality lipstick.

• 56:16Tom Segura?

  You did a great job.

• 56:17Christina Pazsitzky?

  A lot of companies, even the, the brands you think are, should be fancy, expensive, they're not fancy and nice.

• 56:23Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 56:24Christina Pazsitzky?

  They use cheap shit and they're not beautiful and nice. This is the real deal. So.

• 56:27Tom Segura?

  The way you feel about that is how I feel about the sex dolls that I've been working on. It's my passion, it's what I believe in, and they're gonna be in the store real soon. And you guys can be doing the same stuff I've been doing.

• 56:39Christina Pazsitzky?

  Oh, look at that. It's so beautiful. And the new website has pretty stuff on there, too.

• 56:45Tom Segura?

  Fucking rad, dude.

• 56:46Christina Pazsitzky?

  And also, on my TikTok, if you go to Christina P., I can, you can now buy this on my shop. I've got a TikTok shop and I'll be on there all the time just talking about lipstick.

• 56:56Tom Segura?

  You did it, Jean.

• 56:56Christina Pazsitzky?

  I know, I'm obsessed with lipstick. I just love it.

• 56:59Tom Segura?

  Do you?

• 57:00Christina Pazsitzky?

  I want you to try it out. Will you wear this? Can I, can I get you to try one? Cause your lips are very pretty. Which color would you be? I think you're a Berlin, cause you're kind of saucy. You, okay, so you've got like a reddish pink, shh, don't sneeze during the show. You've got a pink.

• 57:15Tom Segura?

  If you're gonna do that, leave the room.

• 57:16Christina Pazsitzky?

  Undertone, so I would go with this.

• 57:18Tom Segura?

  Okay.

• 57:19Christina Pazsitzky?

  To dim that.

• 57:20Tom Segura?

  Yeah, we'll try that. You remember this, right? You definitely remember this guy.

• 57:24Speaker 03

  You drink red wine.

• 57:25Christina Pazsitzky?

  I love him.

• 57:25Tom Segura?

  I love this guy, too.

• 57:26Speaker 03

  Pepperoni's really greasy.

• 57:27Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah.

• 57:28Tom Segura?

  Right?

• 57:28Speaker 03

  And I love pepperoni.

• 57:29Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah, me too.

• 57:30Speaker 03

  I like pizza, but I love pepperoni.

• 57:31Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 57:32Speaker 03

  So I do is I take pepperoni.

• 57:34Christina Pazsitzky?

  It's the best.

• 57:35Tom Segura?

  Right?

• 57:36Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah.

• 57:37Speaker 03

  I chew it up really well.

• 57:38Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 57:41Speaker 03

  I get the juices and grease in my mouth.

• 57:43Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 57:43Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah.

• 57:44Speaker 03

  Both sides of my cheeks.

• 57:48Tom Segura?

  Yep. And then?

• 57:50Speaker 03

  Then I sip my red wine.

• 57:53Tom Segura?

  With crushed ice.

• 57:55Christina Pazsitzky?

  So good. Oh, swish it.

• 57:58Speaker 03

  Way around my mouth.

• 57:59Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah.

• 58:00Speaker 03

  I love feeling the grease come out of my cheeks.

• 58:02Tom Segura?

  He literally looks like a stick of pepper.

• 58:04Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah.

• 58:05Speaker 03

  Learn how to drink wine.

• 58:06Tom Segura?

  Well, guess what?

• 58:07Speaker 03

  Get the greases out of your palate.

• 58:11Christina Pazsitzky?

  But he, can I tell you something though? This is a man of the people. He finally gets what we like.

• 58:18Tom Segura?

  Well, here's the thing. I love this guy because it's like your lipstick thing. He is, not only he looks like he's covered in it, but this guy is completely authentic.

• 58:27Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah.

• 58:27Tom Segura?

  He's unpretentious.

• 58:28Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah.

• 58:29Tom Segura?

  And he's just genuinely sharing what makes him happy, right? Guess what?

• 58:33Christina Pazsitzky?

  More.

• 58:34Tom Segura?

  More.

• 58:34Christina Pazsitzky?

  Oh, good.

• 58:35Speaker 03

  Drinking ice and wine. I love to eat hot dogs. But the famous hot dog for me to eat at home or Chuck's on the avenue is burnt hot dogs.

• 58:44Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah.

• 58:45Speaker 03

  And burnt hot dogs are delicious when I put them on a bun with mustard and sip my wine.

• 58:51Christina Pazsitzky?

  That's what's up, bro.

• 58:52Speaker 03

  So we're gonna take the famous bunny bread of New Orleans with some French yellow mustard. No chili. We're gonna take a bite of this beautiful burnt hot dog.

• 59:02Christina Pazsitzky?

  Fuck, yeah, dog.

• 59:05Speaker 03

  Delicious. But it's even better with crushed ice and wine.

• 59:10Christina Pazsitzky?

  Oh, yeah. Dude, I bet that tastes so good.

• 59:15Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah.

• 59:17Speaker 03

  Delicious.

• 59:19Christina Pazsitzky?

  I love it. I'll tell you what, can I tell you the truth?

• 59:22Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 59:23Christina Pazsitzky?

  Can I talk to you for a second?

• 59:24Tom Segura?

  Yeah, talk to me.

• 59:24Christina Pazsitzky?

  I know you like fancy meals and we go to these sometimes very fancy places and there's multiple courses and I know I'm supposed to enjoy it. I, sometimes I, most of the time I'd rather just be eating a burnt hot dog.

• 59:38Tom Segura?

  Yeah, I hear you on that.

• 59:38Christina Pazsitzky?

  I'm sorry. I'm sorry.

• 59:40Tom Segura?

  I like that too, though. I mean, my-

• 59:42Christina Pazsitzky?

  You do?

• 59:42Tom Segura?

  I think my favorite thing to eat in this world is a smash burger.

• 59:45Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah, it's good.

• 59:46Tom Segura?

  Yeah. Like that NADC burger?

• 59:48Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah, yeah. Good.

• 59:50Tom Segura?

  I mean, that's my favorite burger.

• 59:52Christina Pazsitzky?

  Do you know what my favorite is? And I've even ordered it from LA, frozen in a box. Cupids, hot dogs?

• 1:00:00Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 1:00:00Christina Pazsitzky?

  Cupids in the valley.

• 1:00:02Tom Segura?

  I think I told you this the other day.

• 1:00:03Christina Pazsitzky?

  I love it.

• 1:00:04Tom Segura?

  I think I've discovered.

• 1:00:05Christina Pazsitzky?

  Hold on, wait, can I tell you what I like? The chili dog, you know, you Cupids, remember Cupids? The chili with mustard and onion. Do you do it, you do it that way too? Yeah, it's, I grew up eating those after school. Oh.

• 1:00:19Tom Segura?

  I think I've discovered that I just can't have a hot dog anymore.

• 1:00:23Christina Pazsitzky?

  No, not at your age.

• 1:00:25Tom Segura?

  Five times now over, let's say, five months where a random hot dog finds its way into your life. And I'm like, yeah, I'll have a hot dog. I get minimum 24 hours of indigestion from a hot dog.

• 1:00:39Christina Pazsitzky?

  Well, it's because you look like a hot dog right now.

• 1:00:43Christina Pazsitzky?

  I'm kind of pink.

• 1:00:44Tom Segura?

  You know, um, oh, I got to.

• 1:00:47Christina Pazsitzky?

  You know why? There's so much sodium. It's too much sodium. If they can make a, do they make low sodium dogs?

• 1:00:51Tom Segura?

  I'm sure they do. Guess what?

• 1:00:53Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah, I need that.

• 1:00:53Tom Segura?

  I'm not gonna do it. It's just, I've had, it's proven now.

• 1:00:56Christina Pazsitzky?

  You're just gonna give up like that?

• 1:00:57Tom Segura?

  Done with hot dogs. So, um, I'm at the Laker game last week.

• 1:01:04Tom Segura?

  And I got great seats, amazing seats, sitting courtside.

• 1:01:10Tom Segura?

  It's a great game. And, uh, I see Spade and Rock, Chris Rock, Davis Spade, sitting like over here. So I go say hi to them. And then at halftime, we sit together in this lounge. It's me, Jimmy Miller, Chris Rock, Davis Spade. And then we're hanging out and then Sebastian comes over and he, um, he's like, oh, hey, what's up? And he turns to me and he goes, hey, Sebastian. And I go, hey. I'm like, what? And it's like, you know, it's kind of loud. There's, there's noise and music or whatever. And then he sits like, you know, I don't know, six, seven feet away over there.

• 1:01:49Tom Segura?

  And he's talking to the Spade and we're all just kind of like, you know, you have to kind of project to, you know, say something, oh, this is good. Blah, blah, blah. And so I say something to him and he's like, what's that? And I try to say it again and he's like, I can't hear you. So he comes over and like I'm talking to him and I just see him. He's just like looking at me and then he goes, oh my God. He goes, I didn't know it was you. What the fuck? And I go, yeah, well, I've been talking to you like five minutes. And he's like, bro, I saw you on the Instagram with shaved face. And I go, this is his face now. But then I had, you know, five days growth of this. He had no idea who I was.

• 1:02:30Christina Pazsitzky?

  No, you look like a totally different bro. I'm telling you.

• 1:02:33Tom Segura?

  It is a good time to be gay.

• 1:02:34Christina Pazsitzky?

  This is the time. If you want to go suck dicks randomly, do it now.

• 1:02:38Tom Segura?

  No one will be like, no, I'd be like, that wasn't me.

• 1:02:40Christina Pazsitzky?

  Got that pretty little mouth. People can see your pretty mouth now.

• 1:02:43Tom Segura?

  Okay. Now I have something fun to show you.

• 1:02:48Tom Segura?

  All right.

• 1:02:49Christina Pazsitzky?

  The grease, the juices.

• 1:02:51Tom Segura?

  Is this guy?

• 1:02:52Christina Pazsitzky?

  Down my throat.

• 1:02:53Tom Segura?

  Horrible.

• 1:02:54Christina Pazsitzky?

  Uh oh.

• 1:02:55Tom Segura?

  They're hilarious.

• 1:02:57Christina Pazsitzky?

  Oh shit. This is why I don't fucking do this. Fuck.

• 1:03:04Christina Pazsitzky?

  That's horrible. That's my worst nightmare.

• 1:03:06Tom Segura?

  So crazy to think to smell the cork.

• 1:03:09Christina Pazsitzky?

  The fuck dude?

• 1:03:10Tom Segura?

  It's insane. Hopefully that's the last time she does that. You didn't like that one?

• 1:03:17Christina Pazsitzky?

  No, that's literally my nightmare. Let her laugh.

• 1:03:23Christina Pazsitzky?

  I like this one.

• 1:03:24Tom Segura?

  You like that?

• 1:03:24Christina Pazsitzky?

  Stupid. Why are you messing with the crocodile?

• 1:03:27Tom Segura?

  Did he lose a digit?

• 1:03:29Christina Pazsitzky?

  Nah. He didn't get fucked up enough.

• 1:03:31Tom Segura?

  Attempting to desensitize the gator so he could complete the stunt, usually done by tapping the gator lightly on the head until he becomes used to feeling it. So he is perfectly okay.

• 1:03:40Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah.

• 1:03:41Tom Segura?

  I thought he may have lost a digit.

• 1:03:42Christina Pazsitzky?

  Um, I don't think he screamed enough, I want to say.

• 1:03:47Tom Segura?

  Well, he could have lost a digit.

• 1:03:49Christina Pazsitzky?

  Oh, no, you're right. Yeah, yeah, yeah. He could. That could have happened quick.

• 1:03:52Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 1:03:52Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah, that happened real quick.

• 1:03:53Tom Segura?

  What he got lucky with was the release. Cause usually they just hold on. Yeah. That was a croc. Don't put your croc in your hand in a croc's mouth. Oh yeah. This is pretty cool. All right. You get out of here. I'll hold the door open for you.

• 1:04:09Christina Pazsitzky?

  Let me see that hand. He's gonna go. Oh.

• 1:04:21Tom Segura?

  He's mad. The fuck? Is that a chick? The face is covered. I feel like that's a chick movement.

• 1:04:30Christina Pazsitzky?

  Every.

• 1:04:31Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 1:04:33Christina Pazsitzky?

  Finger bone.

• 1:04:34Tom Segura?

  It really wasn't her fault, though.

• 1:04:35Christina Pazsitzky?

  No.

• 1:04:36Tom Segura?

  She's pulling out, like, she didn't know.

• 1:04:37Christina Pazsitzky?

  But that's.

• 1:04:39Tom Segura?

  But I think that was a fun one.

• 1:04:41Christina Pazsitzky?

  I don't think so. No one's laughing.

• 1:04:43Tom Segura?

  Okay.

• 1:04:45Christina Pazsitzky?

  Oh, shit.

• 1:04:48Tom Segura?

  Recovery was great.

• 1:04:49Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah, it was a good recovery. Happens.

• 1:04:52Tom Segura?

  Those are big heels.

• 1:04:58Christina Pazsitzky?

  You just don't want to twist your ankles.

• 1:05:00Tom Segura?

  That's, I know, but there's no, public falling, everybody has the thing to like, look like they're okay, right? Unless it's devastating pain, you gotta go like, I'm okay. You gotta spit out of it.

• 1:05:11Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah, I've fallen off a stage before in Dallas.

• 1:05:14Tom Segura?

  You fell off?

• 1:05:14Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah, getting off. It was some club and one, two, I lost my footing and I ate shit. And the audience was like, huh. And then I just paused.

• 1:05:24Tom Segura?

  Didn't that happen to Ralphie May? Oh, yeah, it happened to Ralphie May once. And he claimed later that it was a bit, like he was doing it for the laugh. And there was another guy, this other comic, um, Bill something. And when he was like 600 pounds, he fell and the audience thought it was a bit. And they were like laughing because he was so big.

• 1:05:48Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah.

• 1:05:49Tom Segura?

  And it was not a bit.

• 1:05:51Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah.

• 1:05:51Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 1:05:52Christina Pazsitzky?

  That's so good.

• 1:05:52Tom Segura?

  It can. At that size, it can be real.

• 1:05:55Christina Pazsitzky?

  God.

• 1:05:56Tom Segura?

  Yep.

• 1:05:58Tom Segura?

  These are always good.

• 1:06:01Tom Segura?

  You good, pal?

• 1:06:03Christina Pazsitzky?

  Oh, no, no, he's gonna drop the.

• 1:06:10Tom Segura?

  That was fun.

• 1:06:12Christina Pazsitzky?

  I don't know. I mean, I feel like, oh, Josh likes it.

• 1:06:14Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 1:06:15Christina Pazsitzky?

  How come they don't prepare for that?

• 1:06:17Tom Segura?

  They should.

• 1:06:18Christina Pazsitzky?

  I feel like that should be part of the job, that they prepare for that.

• 1:06:21Tom Segura?

  Uh, yeah, we don't know the aftermath, but we do know that the tree had become overgrown and the homeowner did not want to pay professionals to do that because he thought it was too expensive.

• 1:06:32Christina Pazsitzky?

  Oh, cool. Okay. Well, then that's hilarious.

• 1:06:34Tom Segura?

  It's kind of funny.

• 1:06:35Christina Pazsitzky?

  Being cheap.

• 1:06:36Tom Segura?

  It's pretty good.

• 1:06:37Christina Pazsitzky?

  Wow.

• 1:06:38Tom Segura?

  Um, okay, so, oh, these

• 1:06:43Christina Pazsitzky?

  That's scary.

• 1:06:43Tom Segura?

  were part of the package I wanted to put together for you, because I know that you love this.

• 1:06:50Christina Pazsitzky?

  Okay.

• 1:06:50Tom Segura?

  And I also wanted to say congratulations on finishing radiation.

• 1:06:55Christina Pazsitzky?

  Thanks, pal.

• 1:06:56Tom Segura?

  So I had these flagged for you.

• 1:06:58Christina Pazsitzky?

  Flagged?

• 1:06:59Tom Segura?

  Yeah, please look at the screen.

• 1:07:00Christina Pazsitzky?

  Okay, let's look at the Denver.

• 1:07:16Tom Segura?

  Isn't that nice?

• 1:07:18Christina Pazsitzky?

  I think he's just watching television, which is cool.

• 1:07:20Tom Segura?

  Yeah, he is, but he's just, you know, he recorded this and then he uploaded it.

• 1:07:23Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's the best part. He didn't think twice about uploading it.

• 1:07:31Christina Pazsitzky?

  Oh.

• 1:07:32Tom Segura?

  Little lip lick.

• 1:07:33Christina Pazsitzky?

  Little lickety-lick.

• 1:07:36Christina Pazsitzky?

  Cool.

• 1:07:36Tom Segura?

  Isn't that nice?

• 1:07:37Christina Pazsitzky?

  It's very nice. He's just breathing.

• 1:07:39Tom Segura?

  Shirtless, laying back.

• 1:07:41Christina Pazsitzky?

  Just breathing.

• 1:07:42Tom Segura?

  There you go.

• 1:07:43Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah.

• 1:07:45Christina Pazsitzky?

  Oh, here we go.

• 1:07:47Christina Pazsitzky?

  He's got his shirt off this time.

• 1:07:49Tom Segura?

  Also.

• 1:07:53Tom Segura?

  TV in the background.

• 1:07:57Christina Pazsitzky?

  I want to say Russian or a language.

• 1:07:58Tom Segura?

  Yeah, it's like some Slavic kind of shit going on.

• 1:08:00Christina Pazsitzky?

  He's got a big potato nose, so he's been drinking.

• 1:08:02Tom Segura?

  And that's a real old world kind of

• 1:08:05Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah.

• 1:08:05Tom Segura?

  bullshit on the wall there.

• 1:08:06Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yep, yep, yep.

• 1:08:07Tom Segura?

  Whatever the fuck that is.

• 1:08:09Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yep.

• 1:08:11Christina Pazsitzky?

  Oh, oh.

• 1:08:16Tom Segura?

  Thought I would bring it home with that for you.

• 1:08:17Christina Pazsitzky?

  Thank you. Oh, he's at the laundromat.

• 1:08:19Tom Segura?

  Yeah, that's a good place to do shit like that.

• 1:08:22Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah, cuz I just have a girl could be like, I know where that guy is.

• 1:08:24Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 1:08:25Christina Pazsitzky?

  Go there right now. That's what he's hoping for, right?

• 1:08:27Tom Segura?

  Yeah, pretty cool.

• 1:08:28Christina Pazsitzky?

  That was so nice. Thank you.

• 1:08:29Tom Segura?

  There you go. Congratulations. You're all done.

• 1:08:32Christina Pazsitzky?

  I can make out with these dudes.

• 1:08:33Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 1:08:34Christina Pazsitzky?

  That's so rad. Yeah.

• 1:08:39Christina Pazsitzky?

  Finally, it's time.

• 1:08:43Christina Pazsitzky?

  Look at that. Side by side, guys. Get your prints right now. Right? ChristinaP.com, YMA Studios.

• 1:08:51Tom Segura?

  What the fuck are you guys laughing for?

• 1:08:52Christina Pazsitzky?

  Dude, it's perfect. It's spot on.

• 1:08:54Tom Segura?

  That's way better than I thought.

• 1:08:55Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah.

• 1:08:56Tom Segura?

  Jesus Christ.

• 1:08:57Christina Pazsitzky?

  You guys have been looking at this mug for 20 years.

• 1:09:00Tom Segura?

  Whatever, guys.

• 1:09:00Christina Pazsitzky?

  You think I don't know that face? Oops, I got your vagina. You want it back? Too bad. It's mine.

• 1:09:10Christina Pazsitzky?

  Ew. Wait, wait. How did that make you feel? What did you think?

• 1:09:14Tom Segura?

  I mean, it was cool. I liked it. It's a good way to...

• 1:09:19Christina Pazsitzky?

  Well...

• 1:09:19Tom Segura?

  You know, it's a good... You know, you realize that all things like this are just a version of just...

• 1:09:24Christina Pazsitzky?

  Throwing the dice.

• 1:09:24Tom Segura?

  Rolling the dice, always.

• 1:09:26Christina Pazsitzky?

  Well, I will say I admire the attempt at humor.

• 1:09:29Tom Segura?

  Mm-hmm.

• 1:09:30Christina Pazsitzky?

  Somebody is like, oh, he's cute and he's funny.

• 1:09:32Tom Segura?

  Someone's... Yeah, someone's gonna enjoy it, for sure.

• 1:09:34Christina Pazsitzky?

  But it's...

• 1:09:35Speaker 02

  Sup, guys. Today, we're gonna be making piss popsicles, otherwise known as pissicles. So what you're gonna wanna do is pour this in here. Put that in that. Yeah.

• 1:09:45Speaker 02

  Put it in there until it fills up. Pour some on my floor right now, but who cares? Pour it in there.

• 1:09:50Tom Segura?

  That piss is so dark.

• 1:09:52Speaker 02

  All right. Then after that, you're gonna wanna bottle this up and then put it in the freezer for a couple of hours. All right?

• 1:09:58Tom Segura?

  Oh.

• 1:09:59Speaker 02

  The pissicle is ready. Oh, yeah.

• 1:10:04Christina Pazsitzky?

  There you go.

• 1:10:05Tom Segura?

  The place looks nice.

• 1:10:06Christina Pazsitzky?

  Those nails are so long, too.

• 1:10:08Tom Segura?

  The fridge door there?

• 1:10:09Christina Pazsitzky?

  Ooh, all of it. So this is a new guy. I mean, we used to have piss bots.

• 1:10:13Tom Segura?

  No, I know. This guy's stuff has come up on my feed, too. It's really... Oof.

• 1:10:21Tom Segura?

  Is that the way to show it? That you've lost weight?

• 1:10:24Christina Pazsitzky?

  Guys, 72 pounds down, carnivore diet. Dot, he goes down, dot, dot, carnivore diet. He's just letting you know.

• 1:10:33Tom Segura?

  But why, why show it this way?

• 1:10:35Christina Pazsitzky?

  He's showing you his chest, babe, he looks good. You don't think he looks good?

• 1:10:38Tom Segura?

  I think he looks good. Carnivore diet, the stare too, the stare is really jarring. It's meant to penetrate whoever.

• 1:10:48Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah, he's fucking you, he's eye fucking you right there. He's also in his car or his truck.

• 1:10:53Tom Segura?

  Yeah, or a bus, is that a bus?

• 1:10:55Christina Pazsitzky?

  He's just feeling it, I don't know, dude.

• 1:10:57Tom Segura?

  That's, yeah, thank you for that, that was a good one.

• 1:11:03Tom Segura?

  I usually pull these for you.

• 1:11:05Christina Pazsitzky?

  The Indian version?

• 1:11:07Tom Segura?

  Oh shit.

• 1:11:08Christina Pazsitzky?

  Careful, uh oh, he's toying with us.

• 1:11:12Tom Segura?

  A little smirk there?

• 1:11:16Christina Pazsitzky?

  He, he almost wants to give you an oopsie.

• 1:11:18Tom Segura?

  Oop.

• 1:11:19Christina Pazsitzky?

  Oopsie, there's my ding dong.

• 1:11:24Tom Segura?

  I didn't know the camera went down that far.

• 1:11:27Tom Segura?

  My bad.

• 1:11:27Christina Pazsitzky?

  He's super hairy. What's up guys, today I'm gonna be teaching you how to make a piss hot pocket, otherwise known as a piss pocket. So basically what you're gonna wanna do is open up like the top part of the hot pocket and just kinda scoop out all of the...

• 1:11:40Tom Segura?

  Oh, the stuff in there, you can fill it with piss, is that where we're gonna go?

• 1:11:45Christina Pazsitzky?

  Really get all the guts out.

• 1:11:46Tom Segura?

  Oh, fuck Christina.

• 1:11:48Christina Pazsitzky?

  Alright, get all the chi, I get all the me out. You act like I made it.

• 1:11:51Tom Segura?

  The next thing that is gonna absolutely make me vomit.

• 1:11:54Christina Pazsitzky?

  Is hold it open.

• 1:11:55Tom Segura?

  And fill it with piss.

• 1:11:56Christina Pazsitzky?

  But that's a lighter color piss. Pour it in here slowly. Pour it in there slowly, uh oh.

• 1:12:03Christina Pazsitzky?

  There's a flaw in the system. It was that easy, there you go, now you got a delicious juicy piss pocket. Make sure you...

• 1:12:10Tom Segura?

  Show your friends and family this.

• 1:12:14Tom Segura?

  This guy is, you know, it's funny is that this guy is severely mentally ill.

• 1:12:18Christina Pazsitzky?

  No.

• 1:12:18Tom Segura?

  Like he's a hoarder and a total, but he has a, he actually has a very funny sense of humor.

• 1:12:23Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah.

• 1:12:24Tom Segura?

  But a lot of times the sense of humor goes with this level of mental illness. You know, cause it's all like, but he's like, make sure you share this with friends and family. He knows what he's saying.

• 1:12:33Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah, he's, he's, he's winking at us.

• 1:12:36Speaker 03

  Today is gonna be the day when we're gonna get back to you. So how, she know how, why you know what you're gonna do?

• 1:12:45Christina Pazsitzky?

  You recognize it?

• 1:12:46Speaker 03

  I don't believe in anybody. She's a scrotal too. I thought you know.

• 1:12:53Tom Segura?

  Yeah, it's Oasis.

• 1:12:55Christina Pazsitzky?

  It's good, right?

• 1:12:55Tom Segura?

  It's really good.

• 1:12:56Christina Pazsitzky?

  I hope she opens for them. I heard she's gonna open for them.

• 1:12:58Tom Segura?

  It's cool that I had to go through prosthetics to get this whole look down, but it's neat. She's just.

• 1:13:06Christina Pazsitzky?

  I wanna hear every other Oasis song too.

• 1:13:09Tom Segura?

  From her.

• 1:13:09Speaker 03

  Yeah, Brits are perduvah.

• 1:13:12Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 1:13:12Speaker 03

  And this guy.

• 1:13:13Tom Segura?

  Are you gonna go see them?

• 1:13:14Christina Pazsitzky?

  Of course I am, if they come to America.

• 1:13:16Tom Segura?

  Didn't they announce US dates or no?

• 1:13:18Christina Pazsitzky?

  Did they announce it? I don't know, I've kind of been in a bubble. I would love to see them. No, Brighton, Cardiff. They, they said they're going to announce USA.

• 1:13:29Tom Segura?

  All right, hold on.

• 1:13:30Christina Pazsitzky?

  Manchester.

• 1:13:35Christina Pazsitzky?

  The Rose Bowl sold out fucking cunts. Yeah, sorry guys, I've been under.

• 1:13:40Tom Segura?

  Wait, where's Rose Bowl? I don't see it.

• 1:13:41Christina Pazsitzky?

  Um, in the middle of September.

• 1:13:43Tom Segura?

  Oh, yeah.

• 1:13:44Christina Pazsitzky?

  Fucking hell. All right, Agent Jeans, you're listening to this.

• 1:13:47Tom Segura?

  Look at that. Look at how quickly that.

• 1:13:49Christina Pazsitzky?

  Fuck. Wait, is that the only America? They're doing LA, Chicago. East Rutherford, east, that's so random. Why east Rutherford, New Jersey and then LA and Chicago? Go, cause they can get the east coast. They're getting east and west and Midwest.

• 1:14:07Tom Segura?

  That's it.

• 1:14:07Christina Pazsitzky?

  Fuck. I fucking failed.

• 1:14:11Tom Segura?

  Oh, they're doing Chicago?

• 1:14:13Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah, Toronto, all sold out.

• 1:14:16Tom Segura?

  Insane.

• 1:14:18Christina Pazsitzky?

  Agent Jeans, get me tickets.

• 1:14:20Tom Segura?

  Okay, here we go.

• 1:14:23Tom Segura?

  Incredible. This pubic hair ring turned out to be one of my favorites. I had an amazing client that sent me a ring core blank that she wanted used along with tufts of pubic hair. I did have to cut the hairs a little bit shorter so that way I could get.

• 1:14:37Speaker 05

  Everything's super precise because the important thing was that the gold borders remained visible and not have any hairs over them. So it was quite a lengthy process doing them each individually. Did you know?

• 1:14:51Tom Segura?

  Can I just move on?

• 1:14:53Christina Pazsitzky?

  Wait, you don't think you'd do this for me?

• 1:14:55Tom Segura?

  No.

• 1:14:55Christina Pazsitzky?

  You don't love me enough?

• 1:14:58Speaker 03

  I'm a bad pussycat. You're a sad pussycat. But I'm awake. You're asleep. Let's go play pussycat. I'm gonna rap pussycat. Sit on your lap pussycat. Sing this song all day long. Can't go wrong pussycat. Meow.

• 1:15:20Speaker 03

  Meow.

• 1:15:22Speaker 03

  Meow. Meow.

• 1:15:27Speaker 03

  Meow.

• 1:15:28Tom Segura?

  It's crazy. Whenever I see videos like this, I always think of the person who's like, that's Jeff.

• 1:15:33Christina Pazsitzky?

  I know.

• 1:15:34Tom Segura?

  Like, I see him at Chipotle all the time.

• 1:15:36Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yep. That's somebody's, that's somebody.

• 1:15:38Tom Segura?

  That's somebody's like Ford sales rep.

• 1:15:40Christina Pazsitzky?

  I know.

• 1:15:41Tom Segura?

  Like, I bought a truck from that guy.

• 1:15:42Christina Pazsitzky?

  I know.

• 1:15:43Tom Segura?

  And he's like, just putting it out there. Doing his, okay.

• 1:15:48Christina Pazsitzky?

  God, don't put it out there.

• 1:15:49Speaker 03

  Congrats on the job, Michael.

• 1:15:55Tom Segura?

  He's great.

• 1:15:56Christina Pazsitzky?

  He's so rad.

• 1:15:57Tom Segura?

  He's just so precise. He doesn't waste any words.

• 1:16:00Christina Pazsitzky?

  Nope.

• 1:16:00Tom Segura?

  Economy of words. Really something you have to learn. Well, I think I'm pretty good for today.

• 1:16:06Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah, I'm good. I feel sick.

• 1:16:07Tom Segura?

  That left me feeling way different than when we started, which is really exciting.

• 1:16:12Christina Pazsitzky?

  Well.

• 1:16:14Tom Segura?

  Thanks again for all the encouragement that I received for having shaved my face. I will do it again.

• 1:16:20Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah.

• 1:16:21Tom Segura?

  I'll try to do it again pretty soon because I know how much people enjoyed it.

• 1:16:24Christina Pazsitzky?

  Don't forget my lipsticks, the perfect four, now in my store, christinap.com. Check it out, try it out.

• 1:16:30Tom Segura?

  Check it out, try it out.

• 1:16:31Christina Pazsitzky?

  Here's my colors.

• 1:16:32Tom Segura?

  Got it.

• 1:16:33Christina Pazsitzky?

  Boop, boop, boop. And don't forget to buy your original Christina P drawing of Tom with a beard.

• 1:16:38Tom Segura?

  Unfucking believable.

• 1:16:41Tom Segura?

  All right. Love you guys. Thanks for watching.

• 1:16:44Christina Pazsitzky?

  You're gonna yawn on the way out, I mean?

• 1:16:45Tom Segura?

  Yeah, I'm tired.

• 1:16:46Christina Pazsitzky?

  Okay. Love you guys.

• 1:16:48Tom Segura?

  Love you too.

• 1:16:48Christina Pazsitzky?

  Bye.

• 1:16:49Tom Segura?

  Stay, stay up, stay, stay blessed. Bye.

• 1:17:02Speaker 03

  It was all those loads Christine that don't stop. Christine, don't stop. It was all those loads Christine that don't stop. Don't stop Christine. It was all those loads Christine that don't stop. Christine, don't stop. It was all those loads Christine that don't stop. Don't stop Christine. And it was endless. It was fucking endless. And when I took my dick out, she went... Thanks for stopping by. Thanks for stopping by. It was all those loads Christine that don't stop. Christine, don't stop. It was all those loads Christine that don't stop. Don't stop Christine. It was all those loads Christine that don't stop. Christine, don't stop. It was all those loads Christine that don't stop.

• 1:17:49Speaker 03

  Don't stop Christine. And it was endless. It was fucking endless. And when I took my dick out, she went... Thanks for stopping by. Thanks for stopping by. It was all those loads Christine that don't stop. Christine, don't stop. It was all those loads Christine that don't stop. Don't stop Christine. It was all those loads Christine that don't stop.

• 1:18:13Speaker 03

  Christine, don't stop. It was all those loads Christine that don't stop. Don't stop Christine. And it was endless. It was fucking endless. And when I took my dick out, she went... Thanks for stopping by. Thanks for stopping by. It was all those loads Christine that don't stop. Christine, don't stop. It was fucking endless.

• 1:18:44Christina Pazsitzky?

  You just watched Your Mom's House. Did you like it? Then watch another one. Watch our clips. I don't know. Check it out. Try it out. If you didn't like it, look for other stuff. Maybe in the next video, there's people getting hurt the way you like. Or maybe gay dudes talking about dick stuff. I don't know. Try it out, baby. There's always something for everybody. Just look in these cubes. Swears, whatever.