Sal Vulcano

Andrew Santino sits down with Sal Vulcano — comedian, podcaster, and star of Impractical Jokers — for an episode packed with laughs, anxiety, and way too much honesty. They talk about friendship, fame, stage fright, and why Sal still second-guesses everything even after 13 seasons on TV. No punishments this time — just two comics being brutally real and cracking each other up. 🎤 See Sal Vulcano live & tour dates: https://salvulcanocomedy.com🎧 Check out Sal’s YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@salvulcanoofficial 💬 Drop a comment – what’s your favorite Impractical Jokers punishment of all time? #WhiskeyGinger #AndrewSantino #SalVulcano #ImpracticalJokers #ComedyPodcast #StandUpComedy #FunnyPodcast ========================================================== Sponsor Whiskey Ginger: https://public.liveread.io/media-kit/whiskeyginger SUPPORT OUR SPONSORS SQUARESPACE GET 10% OFF YOUR ORDER https://squarespace.com/whiskey MANDO USE PROMO CODE: WHISKEY GET 20% OFF SITEWIDE https://shopmando.com HALLOW GET 50% OFF SITEWIDE https://hollowsocks.com ======================================================== Follow Andrew Santino: https://www.instagram.com/cheetosantino/ https://twitter.com/CheetoSantino Follow Whiskey Ginger: https://www.instagram.com/whiskeygingerpodcast https://twitter.com/whiskeygingerpodcast Produced and edited by Joe Faria https://www.instagram.com/itsjoefaria Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Speaker names marked ? are inferred from speaking time and the show’s known hosts — they are not voice-verified.

• 0:01Speaker 00

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• 0:29Andrew Santino?

  What up Whiskey Ginger fans? Welcome back to the show. If it's your first time joining the show, welcome to the show. Leave a comment down below for the Al Go Rhythm. I'm jumping around the country, doing some new material. I was out in San Francisco, loved it. Now I'm in Brea, tonight and tomorrow, Friday, Saturday. I am in Brea, California. Come see me. Then I go to Tempe, my old ASU stomping grounds. Then I do a bunch of casinos. I'm in Hammond, Indiana, right before Thanksgiving. And then in the new year, I am all over the map. Go to andrewsantino.com for those tickets. andrewsantino.com

• 0:58Speaker 02

  In here, we pour whiskey, whiskey, whiskey, whiskey, whiskey.

• 1:04Speaker 03

  Who that creature in the ginger beard?

• 1:06Speaker 02

  Sturdy and ginger.

• 1:08Speaker 03

  Like vampires, the ginger gene is a curse. Gingers are beautiful. You owe me $5 for the whiskey, $75 for the horse. Ginger, oh hell no. This whiskey is excellent. Ginger, I like gingers.

• 1:22Andrew Santino?

  Ladies and gentlemen, welcome back to Whiskey Ginger. My guest today is one of my favorite people on earth. I say that for all my guests who want to meet me once again today. It's Sal Volcano. Sal showed up with a good friend, an old friend. He gets out of his car and he hits my car as hard as he can. And I'm on the phone with my niece and I'm, and I'm, she's a sweet girl.

• 1:39Speaker 04

  You on the phone with your niece because you looked upset.

• 1:41Andrew Santino?

  I was upset at that.

• 1:43Speaker 04

  No, but no, you looked, you looked already, when you opened the door before your car was hit, you looked perturbed.

• 1:47Andrew Santino?

  Well, you know why? Have you ever talked, you have nieces?

• 1:49Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 1:50Andrew Santino?

  Because like they're cool and they're young and you're an old loser.

• 1:54Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 1:54Andrew Santino?

  And so you're like, I'm listening intently because I, I want to pay attention and absorb what she's saying. When I listen to adults, I'm not listening to almost anything that they're saying.

• 2:01Speaker 04

  Okay.

• 2:02Andrew Santino?

  I'm just passing time.

• 2:03Speaker 04

  Oh, so that look I saw in your face was intent.

• 2:05Andrew Santino?

  Well, I was, I was focused.

• 2:07Speaker 04

  Intent.

• 2:08Andrew Santino?

  Intent, yeah.

• 2:08Speaker 04

  You, yeah, attentive.

• 2:10Andrew Santino?

  Because when I'm talking to an adult like this right now, I will not remember any of this conversation. When I go home, I not a word you'll said will matter to me.

• 2:16Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 2:17Andrew Santino?

  But my niece, I'll I've absorbed every single thing she said.

• 2:19Speaker 04

  It was a furrowed brow. It looked like he had some concerns or you were you were annoyed.

• 2:23Andrew Santino?

  I know, I was confused.

• 2:24Speaker 04

  Okay.

• 2:24Andrew Santino?

  Because I'm not a smart person and she was telling me a lot of information. And so my brain is working OT.

• 2:29Speaker 04

  Okay.

• 2:29Andrew Santino?

  It's going to town up there.

• 2:30Speaker 04

  All right.

• 2:31Andrew Santino?

  You know, just kind of storing this away and and slotting it in places.

• 2:34Speaker 04

  Well, your brain should tell your face when you're confused or annoyed.

• 2:37Andrew Santino?

  These two things are connected anymore. After the accident, I can't.

• 2:40Speaker 04

  Okay.

• 2:41Andrew Santino?

  Like, look, tell me in emotion.

• 2:42Speaker 04

  The accident when he hit your car?

• 2:43Andrew Santino?

  When he hit my car, yeah.

• 2:44Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 2:45Andrew Santino?

  Tell me in emotion, see if I can show it on my face.

• 2:46Speaker 04

  Okay, you are surprised. Yeah.

• 2:50Andrew Santino?

  Give me another one.

• 2:50Speaker 04

  Delighted.

• 2:52Andrew Santino?

  One more.

• 2:53Speaker 04

  You're filled with hate. Yeah, I see.

• 2:55Andrew Santino?

  So I'm not, I'm working on it, but my face just is not, there's something missing.

• 2:59Speaker 04

  Yeah, there's something there.

• 2:59Andrew Santino?

  You know, and I'm not, I'm not an actor. You're an actor.

• 3:01Speaker 04

  No, I mean, you're you're not an actor?

• 3:03Andrew Santino?

  You know what I fall asleep to in every hotel across the United States of America?

• 3:06Speaker 04

  Impractical jokes.

• 3:07Andrew Santino?

  Impractical jokers. You think I'm kidding? Uh. Every hotel I stay in.

• 3:11Speaker 04

  Are you serious?

• 3:12Andrew Santino?

  Well, it's on the TV.

• 3:13Speaker 04

  It is.

• 3:13Andrew Santino?

  And it's one of six channels and I'm watching it.

• 3:15Speaker 04

  It's that of Mario Lopez.

• 3:17Andrew Santino?

  I can't watch Mario anymore.

• 3:18Speaker 04

  I know, when I turn.

• 3:19Andrew Santino?

  He's got too buff.

• 3:19Speaker 04

  I turn on the TV initially, so he's already in the, he's in the pole position on the television, right?

• 3:25Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, he is.

• 3:26Speaker 04

  You turn it on and you hear his voice and like I'm unpacking and stuff. And I it is, I give Mario Lopez, I got, I got maybe like a six, seven minute countdown clock before I realize he's been talking for six, seven minutes. And I start to, my blood starts to boil and it's nothing against Mr. Lopez. But it is like, it's like it loops, it's like.

• 3:45Speaker 04

  And he's like.

• 3:47Speaker 04

  And I'm like, and and and you know what I realized recently?

• 3:51Andrew Santino?

  Dude, it definitely sounds like you're making fun of him.

• 3:53Speaker 04

  Oh, no, no, no, no, no.

• 3:54Andrew Santino?

  Mr. Lopez.

• 3:55Speaker 04

  No, no.

• 3:55Andrew Santino?

  We're not making fun of you.

• 3:56Speaker 04

  No, no, I I.

• 3:57Andrew Santino?

  Because have you seen how strong he boxes every morning?

• 3:59Speaker 04

  He's very strong.

• 4:00Andrew Santino?

  See, you broke the mic. See, oh, that's Lopez.

• 4:02Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 4:02Andrew Santino?

  That's the ghost of Lopez.

• 4:03Speaker 04

  This is the ghost of Lopez.

• 4:05Andrew Santino?

  He'll do that.

• 4:05Speaker 04

  The Lopez.

• 4:06Andrew Santino?

  It's the Lopez.

• 4:07Speaker 04

  No, I met him. I I spent a um, a Mardi Gras with that man.

• 4:10Andrew Santino?

  No way.

• 4:11Speaker 04

  I swear to Christ.

• 4:12Andrew Santino?

  Give it.

• 4:13Speaker 04

  Well, there's gonna be some names involved.

• 4:14Andrew Santino?

  You're allowed.

• 4:15Speaker 04

  Alright, cuz I don't, you know, I'm not a guy that really mentions names a lot. Harry Connick Jr., who was, who was like the, the head of the, of New Orleans.

• 4:24Andrew Santino?

  Is he?

• 4:24Speaker 04

  Well, the Mardi Gras, he, he runs the biggest, he's in the, the, the final, have you ever done it?

• 4:30Andrew Santino?

  Mardi Gras?

• 4:31Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 4:31Andrew Santino?

  No, no, no.

• 4:31Speaker 04

  I never have in my life, but I did it this way.

• 4:34Andrew Santino?

  I would never.

• 4:34Speaker 04

  Yeah, I didn't go for like the titties and the boobs. I went for like, you know, the companionship and the delight.

• 4:39Andrew Santino?

  And the beads. You do love the beads.

• 4:40Speaker 04

  The beads are still fun. I didn't see boobs, but I had plenty of beads. So, he has, there's a lot of different parades and he has the final parade. It's the biggest parade and he's the captain of that parade. And it's a, it is a big to do. And so he invited us down there and he set us up with our own float. I had my own float, my own beads and everything like that. He just, I, I love Harry so much. He's, he's, he's a dear person to me. And Mario Lopez was also there for that. He wasn't on my float.

• 5:07Andrew Santino?

  He was not on your float? Did he have his own float?

• 5:08Speaker 04

  He, I don't know if he had his own float. Maybe.

• 5:11Andrew Santino?

  I feel like Mario gets his own float.

• 5:13Speaker 04

  He might have been on a float. But I had my own float.

• 5:16Andrew Santino?

  Whoa. So this is two shots at Lopez so far?

• 5:20Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, I hear you shooting. He doesn't know, but you are.

• 5:22Speaker 04

  I actually wear, I have a t-shirt with his face on it, but it's the Slayer logo.

• 5:27Andrew Santino?

  Oh yeah.

• 5:27Speaker 04

  But it says Slater.

• 5:28Andrew Santino?

  Oh, that's funny.

• 5:29Speaker 04

  Instead. Yeah, so they, and I sleep with that on. So, I actually ironically go to the hotel, turn him, turn his voice on, then put his shirt on my face and I go to, and I go to slumber. What?

• 5:40Andrew Santino?

  What do you really wear to bed?

• 5:41Speaker 04

  I wear to bed, I wear pajama pants and a, and a t-shirt.

• 5:45Andrew Santino?

  You wear pants?

• 5:46Speaker 04

  Or, or pajama shorts. But I only have one pair of pajama shorts. But I have like five pairs of pajama pants.

• 5:51Andrew Santino?

  And always a shirt?

• 5:53Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 5:53Andrew Santino?

  Comment down below if, uh, comment down below if you're a pajama pant t-shirt guy, or if you're a just in the underwear. I'm always just in underwear.

• 6:01Speaker 04

  I've done years.

• 6:02Andrew Santino?

  You run cold?

• 6:03Speaker 04

  Years I did with box, just boxers, but I really like the comfort and the feeling of a, just a nice.

• 6:08Andrew Santino?

  You don't get too hot at night?

• 6:10Speaker 04

  I regulate that by blanket on and blanket off.

• 6:12Andrew Santino?

  See, I don't need to blanket on and blanket off. I want to lay once and goodbye.

• 6:15Speaker 04

  But what if you have to adjust your temperature? Like, what if you're

• 6:19Andrew Santino?

  No, I don't.

• 6:19Speaker 04

  What if you're under the covers and you feel a little warm?

• 6:21Andrew Santino?

  You don't.

• 6:22Speaker 04

  Or if you're not under the covers, and you feel a little chill.

• 6:24Andrew Santino?

  I'm always under the covers. And I get a cover that's thin enough that regulates my temperature, so I don't have to do it.

• 6:28Speaker 04

  So you don't adjust your temperature, your personal body temperature at all, throughout the night at all?

• 6:32Andrew Santino?

  I crank it to the set temperature that I need it to be. I place a thing in between my wife and I, because I need distance.

• 6:38Speaker 04

  Yeah, you can't.

• 6:38Andrew Santino?

  I can't touch. It's insane. And once I've got it set and set.

• 6:43Speaker 04

  She used to be, this was when I used to wake up on the edge of the bed with her right on my back, and I'd be, babe, I love you, but I'm gonna fall off. I just need a couple inches, just a couple inches. But I liked it. I like a contact. Now, after we had our first child, she's telling me about, she's had overstimulation to the point where when she sleeps, she doesn't even want to touch, like, can we touch heels or something like that? Like, you know, just something. She doesn't want any part of it. And she puts a pillow there too sometimes.

• 7:08Andrew Santino?

  I divide.

• 7:09Speaker 04

  We have a, we have a split king with the, so it's, so it's crack already there. There's a natural.

• 7:13Andrew Santino?

  Those are two doubles in that two. That's two twins, right, put together?

• 7:17Speaker 04

  Yeah, two twins put together.

• 7:18Andrew Santino?

  Yeah.

• 7:18Speaker 04

  Yeah, so, and, and I say to her sometimes, you know, you know, I'd really, you know, I'm out all day, I'm on, I'd really love to have some type of contact with you. And when we go to sleep, it's nice to feel your leg, and my leg feels your leg, and, and she can't give it to me.

• 7:34Andrew Santino?

  Yeah.

• 7:34Speaker 04

  She just says, you don't understand, I'm so overstimulated, I won't be able to sleep if, because the kids are hanging on her all day and this and that.

• 7:41Andrew Santino?

  She's taking care of a family. And you're out floundering on television, pretending to be something that you're not.

• 7:46Speaker 04

  I have needs, you know? I'd like to feel a little bit nurtured.

• 7:50Andrew Santino?

  But you don't deserve it. You're just another man.

• 7:53Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 7:53Andrew Santino?

  There's a lot of you, bud. She is an entity. She's a being, she's superior, she's done more for this world than you'll ever do. And so what she needs matters, and yours have gone, yours have gone, buddy. If you needed something, you should have gotten it before you got married and had a family.

• 8:07Speaker 04

  Well, let me take you back just a couple of seconds, something you said. I'm a man?

• 8:13Andrew Santino?

  Well, the internet would disagree.

• 8:16Speaker 04

  You hear this, internet?

• 8:17Andrew Santino?

  No, but I will, but, but I, but that is the thing you learn as you get older. Whatever they need is more important than you.

• 8:21Speaker 04

  I understand that.

• 8:22Andrew Santino?

  And tremendously so, so.

• 8:24Speaker 04

  I acquiesce.

• 8:25Andrew Santino?

  You must, as you must. You bow and you say, "May I?"

• 8:28Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 8:28Andrew Santino?

  "May I X, Y, Z?" And she may, she may, may say no. And that's perfectly fine.

• 8:33Speaker 04

  And guess what happens too? Almost on the daily, if I'm home, I get asked at the end of, at the end of the evening if I can give her a foot rub, and guess what I do?

• 8:40Andrew Santino?

  You rub her feet?

• 8:41Speaker 04

  I do.

• 8:41Andrew Santino?

  Yeah.

• 8:42Speaker 04

  Yeah. That's where I get my contact.

• 8:44Andrew Santino?

  And this is a sensitive subject for us because my, my wife has no feet. And she.

• 8:49Speaker 04

  But you can rub, where does it end?

• 8:51Andrew Santino?

  You can't rub the nub. She doesn't like the nub rubbed. I asked her if she's like a nub rubbed.

• 8:55Speaker 04

  Well, then it's not on you.

• 8:56Andrew Santino?

  It's not on, well, it's not on her either. They're gone.

• 8:58Speaker 04

  Right.

• 8:58Andrew Santino?

  There's nothing on her.

• 8:59Speaker 04

  And she lost those in the.

• 9:01Andrew Santino?

  Say it.

• 9:02Speaker 04

  It was the boat.

• 9:03Andrew Santino?

  The war.

• 9:03Speaker 04

  The boating accident.

• 9:04Andrew Santino?

  The boating war.

• 9:05Speaker 04

  The boating.

• 9:06Andrew Santino?

  The boating war of, of 2012.

• 9:08Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 9:08Andrew Santino?

  There was a big boat war here in Santa Monica, many people do know, and she was the, one of the head captains.

• 9:13Speaker 04

  It was massive, though. They tried to keep it off the internet. Didn't they try to bury that? They tried to bury that.

• 9:17Andrew Santino?

  Well, Newsom, you know, was covering it up, you know? Nothing happened, everything's fine.

• 9:21Speaker 04

  And you bronzed her feet, though, so they're, then they're in the house.

• 9:24Andrew Santino?

  They're there, they're on the mantle. Yeah. And we hang our little stockings from it with care.

• 9:28Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 9:28Andrew Santino?

  As we do.

• 9:29Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 9:30Andrew Santino?

  I love this shirt. We talked about it before you got on the show, but Billy?

• 9:33Speaker 04

  Billy.

• 9:33Andrew Santino?

  Billy, what is a quince?

• 9:35Speaker 04

  What is a quint?

• 9:36Andrew Santino?

  What is a quince?

• 9:37Speaker 04

  What is a key?

• 9:38Andrew Santino?

  La, la, where's that start with the letter Q? That's like one of my fa- what a great writing piece in that movie. Cause they could have done anything goofy with The Jeopardy, but they kinda did it the right way, where it felt real, real jeopardy.

• 9:50Speaker 04

  We tried to get her to be the narrator, there was a, we tried to get her to be the narrator for the Impractical Jokers movie.

• 9:56Andrew Santino?

  And she said no?

• 9:56Speaker 04

  We asked Patrick Stewart, we, we were all over the map with it, but.

• 9:59Andrew Santino?

  Patrick Stewart, that's awesome.

• 10:01Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 10:01Andrew Santino?

  Who said yes?

• 10:02Speaker 04

  Um, nobody.

• 10:08Speaker 04

  Q narrated it in the end, I think.

• 10:10Andrew Santino?

  Really?

• 10:10Speaker 04

  Or maybe all of a sudden?

• 10:11Andrew Santino?

  Cause everybody was like, no.

• 10:12Speaker 04

  I honestly don't remember who narrated it. But we did, we did, uh, we did want to ask her to do it.

• 10:16Andrew Santino?

  Now, when you say you make her an offer, or you just ask her through a rep before you make the money off?

• 10:20Speaker 04

  For me, truly for me, in this moment, it's unclear because I don't remember.

• 10:23Andrew Santino?

  I wish you did.

• 10:24Speaker 04

  But I knew that we were going for a narrator. I knew we were like, and she was a name we brought up. And I, I think we asked her.

• 10:29Andrew Santino?

  She's fantastic.

• 10:30Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 10:30Andrew Santino?

  How come you didn't ask me to be on your cruise?

• 10:33Speaker 04

  What are you, crazy?

• 10:34Andrew Santino?

  How come you never asked me to be on the cruise?

• 10:35Speaker 04

  I have asked you to be on the cruise.

• 10:37Andrew Santino?

  You've never asked me.

• 10:38Speaker 04

  Roll it, roll the tape.

• 10:39Andrew Santino?

  Roll the tape.

• 10:59Speaker 04

  I, I, uh...

• 10:59Andrew Santino?

  No, you know better than that.

• 11:00Speaker 04

  I think I have asked you because...

• 11:02Andrew Santino?

  No, you have, you have.

• 11:02Speaker 04

  I, I certainly have, especially the very last one I...

• 11:05Andrew Santino?

  You have, and I refuse adamantly.

• 11:07Speaker 04

  I did. Because, but it's because of your wife's boating accent.

• 11:09Andrew Santino?

  You have the boating accent. It's just such a weird thing for us to get back on a boat. You know what it really is, right?

• 11:14Speaker 04

  You know, we, we had amazing swag bags.

• 11:16Andrew Santino?

  I have a massive phobia of cruises.

• 11:18Speaker 04

  Do you?

• 11:18Andrew Santino?

  A hundred percent.

• 11:19Speaker 04

  Oh.

• 11:20Andrew Santino?

  My claustrophobia with big crowds. My, my claustrophobia...

• 11:23Speaker 04

  I got claust, I got it.

• 11:24Andrew Santino?

  Dude, on land?

• 11:25Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 11:25Andrew Santino?

  At like a venue? Heartbeat fast, I get nervous. I don't, did a lot of people get me really anxious?

• 11:32Speaker 04

  So, is...

• 11:32Andrew Santino?

  If I'm in the crowd...

• 11:33Speaker 04

  Large crowds claustrophobic?

• 11:35Andrew Santino?

  If I'm in it.

• 11:35Speaker 04

  Oh, oh, yeah, yeah.

• 11:36Andrew Santino?

  On stage is a different story. You're performing. But like, when I'm in a, when I'm around and about, like at a festival or something, I get anxious.

• 11:43Speaker 04

  So, you get Lionel Richie seats, let's just say, floor seats, general admission?

• 11:46Andrew Santino?

  Mm-hmm.

• 11:47Speaker 04

  And you're in the middle of that?

• 11:48Andrew Santino?

  No, thank you, Lionel, but thank you, though. I can't do it.

• 11:51Speaker 04

  You'd rather be dancing on the ceiling, probably.

• 11:52Andrew Santino?

  I am, half the time. Come on, guys.

• 11:54Speaker 04

  Come on.

• 11:55Andrew Santino?

  No, honestly, it gives me tremendous anxiety.

• 11:58Speaker 04

  I don't like...

• 11:58Andrew Santino?

  And, and then being on a boat, which means I'm out trapped at sea...

• 12:01Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 12:02Andrew Santino?

  With these people in the event that something bad goes down.

• 12:04Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 12:05Andrew Santino?

  It gets me nervous.

• 12:06Speaker 04

  That's, that's a real feeling, though, yeah?

• 12:08Andrew Santino?

  A hundred percent, yeah. Like, a plane is, I can mitigate a plane only because I know, um, those things are ver- have a high success rate. Cruises and boats, my wife, they go bad.

• 12:21Speaker 04

  Cruises go bad?

• 12:23Andrew Santino?

  You tell me cruises don't have accidents?

• 12:25Speaker 04

  You mean like, what do you mean like?

• 12:27Andrew Santino?

  Stuff happens on the boat, they lose power, food, people get sick.

• 12:31Speaker 04

  Oh, I would take, I mean, as far as my comfort level, I'm not, I'm a cru- I'm not a cruise person, I've only taken cruises for my cruise, but like, but I hate flying.

• 12:39Andrew Santino?

  You do?

• 12:39Speaker 04

  Oh, every ti- every time I'm in a plane, I'm like, this is probably it.

• 12:42Andrew Santino?

  No chance. Stat- statistically, there's no way. What crashes more? Here we go, he'll get it.

• 12:47Speaker 05

  Well, this is kind of related, but, um, incidents like overboard passengers, fires, groundings, and crimes occur annually with 448 major accidents recorded between 2005 and 2023 alone.

• 12:59Speaker 04

  No, but then you're talking about an accident of like one person?

• 13:01Andrew Santino?

  No, but that, but it affects, it affects us all. Accidents affect us all.

• 13:05Speaker 04

  If a plane has an accident.

• 13:07Andrew Santino?

  They don't, they don't, they don't, they don't, it doesn't happen.

• 13:09Speaker 04

  You ever see some of these videos of these planes?

• 13:11Andrew Santino?

  Like the one from India?

• 13:13Speaker 04

  We're like, the thing goes up and like, it's just like, yeah, no, no, I didn't want to talk about it because I got a red eye tomorrow night.

• 13:19Andrew Santino?

  Are you flying out of LAX? With the government shutdown, you're gonna fly?

• 13:23Speaker 04

  Oh, I gotta get home.

• 13:24Andrew Santino?

  Brother, there's no control towers anymore. They're gone. You know that, right? There's nobody up there. The pilots are gassing.

• 13:32Speaker 04

  That's not true.

• 13:33Andrew Santino?

  They are.

• 13:34Speaker 04

  That's not true.

• 13:34Andrew Santino?

  Look, Google it, the government shutdown, there's no control towers.

• 13:36Speaker 04

  I know you and I know you do your bits, okay? But don't play with, don't.

• 13:41Andrew Santino?

  I'm flying tomorrow too. I gotta fly out tomorrow and I'm a little, I'm a little scared.

• 13:45Speaker 04

  Yeah, well, I fly out of Newark and they've been having problems for a long time now, so I roll the dice.

• 13:50Andrew Santino?

  Flying into Newark.

• 13:51Speaker 04

  What's that?

• 13:52Andrew Santino?

  That's, I only go into Newark when I come. When I come from the west coast, I only go to Newark.

• 13:56Speaker 04

  Why?

• 13:57Andrew Santino?

  Well, it's closer to get to the city. I don't even understand this game of JFK, unless you live in Brooklyn or Queens, why am I, if I'm going to the city?

• 14:05Speaker 04

  Yeah, I didn't do anything to you.

• 14:06Andrew Santino?

  Well, stop talking to me that way, sorry.

• 14:08Speaker 04

  Okay.

• 14:08Andrew Santino?

  If you're going to the city, why would you fly?

• 14:10Speaker 04

  I'm not your niece.

• 14:11Andrew Santino?

  You, you, you're right, you're not, because I'm interested in what she has to say. Wait, why would, why would people who live in the city fly out there?

• 14:18Speaker 04

  I can't speak for all of them right now, but I'll speak for a couple of them.

• 14:20Andrew Santino?

  Try, be, be, you are, you are Zohan, Zohan Mamdani.

• 14:24Speaker 04

  Okay.

• 14:25Andrew Santino?

  Is that his name?

• 14:26Speaker 04

  Uh, Mamdani.

• 14:28Andrew Santino?

  What's his first name?

• 14:28Speaker 04

  Uh, I wanted to say Zohan, but then I, but then I, I got him.

• 14:34Speaker 04

  Zor- Zoran?

• 14:35Andrew Santino?

  I don't know, I don't know, he's your mayor.

• 14:37Speaker 04

  Zoran.

• 14:38Andrew Santino?

  Zoran.

• 14:38Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 14:39Andrew Santino?

  Zo- no guys, Zohran.

• 14:41Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 14:42Andrew Santino?

  Zohran, Zohran Mondani.

• 14:43Speaker 04

  Zohran Mondani.

• 14:44Andrew Santino?

  So be him, be a spokesperson for New York.

• 14:45Speaker 04

  And the question is?

• 14:46Andrew Santino?

  How come people that live in Manhattan are still flying into JFK and LaGuardia when Newark is significantly closer to get to?

• 14:52Speaker 04

  Well, it depends on what, uh, part of geography of Manhattan you're talking about. I don't know if that's necessarily true.

• 14:56Andrew Santino?

  Downtown.

• 14:57Speaker 04

  Well, not everybody lives downtown.

• 14:58Andrew Santino?

  You do.

• 14:59Speaker 04

  I do?

• 14:59Andrew Santino?

  You do.

• 15:00Speaker 04

  No, I don't live downtown.

• 15:01Andrew Santino?

  Zohran Mondani, sir, you do live downtown.

• 15:03Speaker 04

  Well, but not once I'm in the office that I'm gonna live in Gracie Mansion.

• 15:08Andrew Santino?

  Sure, but you're not there now, sir.

• 15:09Speaker 04

  Okay, well, but you're asking me to speak for the people.

• 15:12Andrew Santino?

  For the people, please.

• 15:13Speaker 04

  Not for myself.

• 15:14Andrew Santino?

  And, and tell us why the increased rates of, of coming in and out of the city, this congestion rates that you guys are raising again. What is the purpose of this?

• 15:20Speaker 04

  I didn't put those in place.

• 15:21Andrew Santino?

  You sure did.

• 15:22Speaker 04

  That's not known, I didn't.

• 15:23Andrew Santino?

  You wanna raise them, don't you?

• 15:24Speaker 04

  I don't wanna raise them, no, I don't think that.

• 15:25Andrew Santino?

  Sir, can you speak on some of these photographs that we have of you there with a harem of women out at a nightclub? Is that Puff Daddy with you in the background, sir?

• 15:33Speaker 04

  That is not Puff Daddy.

• 15:34Andrew Santino?

  Sir, who is that?

• 15:35Speaker 04

  That is P. Diddy.

• 15:41Andrew Santino?

  Fifty months.

• 15:43Speaker 04

  Fifty what?

• 15:43Andrew Santino?

  Fifty months P. Diddy got.

• 15:45Speaker 04

  Oh, he did?

• 15:46Andrew Santino?

  Fifty months.

• 15:47Speaker 04

  Five-oh?

• 15:47Andrew Santino?

  Five-oh.

• 15:49Speaker 04

  Fifty months, and, uh, they were asking for like nothing, right? Like fourteen months?

• 15:53Andrew Santino?

  I can't remember what the, with the plea deal was.

• 15:55Speaker 04

  He could've gotten eleven years, though. And fifty months, I'm, I'm doing quick math, so he's going away for twenty.

• 15:59Andrew Santino?

  I'm sorry, fifty weeks, I apologize. Did I say it wrong?

• 16:02Speaker 04

  No, that's impo- fifty weeks, why wouldn't they just say?

• 16:05Andrew Santino?

  No, I think it's fifty weeks.

• 16:06Speaker 04

  Fifty weeks?

• 16:07Andrew Santino?

  I know I said fifty, oh no, I'm sorry, fifty months, fifty months.

• 16:10Speaker 04

  I, I don't know how much longer I could do it.

• 16:12Andrew Santino?

  Yeah. Oh, fifty days, fifty days, fifty days.

• 16:14Speaker 04

  I, I don't know.

• 16:15Speaker 05

  It's 4.16667 calendar years.

• 16:18Andrew Santino?

  That's right.

• 16:20Andrew Santino?

  Just past the first quarter, Q1, he's gonna get Q1.

• 16:22Speaker 04

  Oh, fifty months, then?

• 16:23Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, fifty months, he's gonna get, he's gonna get one quarter, one, one quarter in the year.

• 16:26Speaker 04

  And then that, he has to assert that, or he can do some, some, some like deal where it's like, I've been behaving?

• 16:31Andrew Santino?

  Well, I think you get time served and then he's probably gonna get out, you know, in about.

• 16:34Speaker 04

  Now, does he take this as a win?

• 16:36Andrew Santino?

  There's a big W for the kid, yeah, I imagine.

• 16:38Speaker 04

  No, you can say.

• 16:40Andrew Santino?

  I'm sure there's a win.

• 16:41Speaker 04

  For what he could have ended up being.

• 16:43Andrew Santino?

  Yeah.

• 16:44Speaker 04

  Yes, but, but once it was down to like this charge only and it could have been from this to like 11 years, like, is, does he say four and a half years, four and a quarter years is a win?

• 16:54Andrew Santino?

  Huge for him.

• 16:54Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 16:55Andrew Santino?

  Cause he should have gone away forever.

• 16:56Speaker 04

  What's he gonna do in there now? He's gonna like learn how to cook, stay healthy, that kinda thing?

• 16:59Andrew Santino?

  I would hope, I would hope he gets, he gets dealt some of the cards that he dealt to other people.

• 17:05Speaker 04

  You think that's gonna happen in there? I think he's probably gonna be a major celebrity in there.

• 17:08Andrew Santino?

  I don't think so. I think, I think times have changed. Celebrity is dead. People don't like celebrities anymore. You feel it. I see people boo you when you walk the streets.

• 17:15Speaker 04

  Yes, oh yeah, but that's, that was happening, you just don't know. That was happening even before I was a major huge celebrity.

• 17:21Andrew Santino?

  As long as I've known you and we've been buddies, I've never seen you get booed until very recently. It's been heavy now.

• 17:25Speaker 04

  I, I maybe this is.

• 17:26Andrew Santino?

  Maybe it's some of the work you've been putting out.

• 17:27Speaker 04

  Maybe it's an indicator that you don't come around enough.

• 17:29Andrew Santino?

  That is a fuck, that is a fact.

• 17:31Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 17:31Andrew Santino?

  Well, the last time I saw you, we ate dinner together at Mother Wolf.

• 17:34Speaker 04

  Yes.

• 17:34Andrew Santino?

  What a lovely dinner we had.

• 17:35Speaker 04

  Yeah, we'll go again tonight. I don't care.

• 17:37Andrew Santino?

  And what did I do the very next day?

• 17:39Speaker 04

  The very next day, you, you texted me, didn't you?

• 17:42Andrew Santino?

  I did.

• 17:42Speaker 04

  You left me a nice message.

• 17:43Andrew Santino?

  A nice message.

• 17:44Speaker 04

  And I very much appreciate that. You know who's a motherfucker though, that Bobby Lee?

• 17:47Andrew Santino?

  He, well, he's not gonna.

• 17:49Speaker 04

  He doesn't text, he's not a good texter.

• 17:51Andrew Santino?

  He's getting better, but we do have an issue with his grace. He has, he lacks in grace.

• 17:56Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 17:57Andrew Santino?

  What he, what we, what he lacks in grace, he makes up for in playfulness and it's irreplaceable. You can't, you can't, you can't find that energy somewhere else.

• 18:05Speaker 04

  That's true, I understand.

• 18:05Andrew Santino?

  You can't mine that.

• 18:06Speaker 04

  I understand.

• 18:07Andrew Santino?

  You know, that's a natural resource that is limited and it will run out.

• 18:10Speaker 04

  I wished him a happy birthday recently. He did write back to that, but, cause I think I was wearing like a Bad Friends shirt somewhere or something. Maybe on my show even.

• 18:17Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, you were.

• 18:18Speaker 04

  And then you guys, I, one of you, I don't know who wrote first, okay?

• 18:21Andrew Santino?

  Yeah.

• 18:22Speaker 04

  And then he wrote, and then I thought, I, I thought it was gonna be a little fun Ted at Ted.

• 18:25Andrew Santino?

  He did not do that.

• 18:25Speaker 04

  I wrote back, I, I left you guys a, a voice note that I thought was kinda funny.

• 18:29Andrew Santino?

  Yeah.

• 18:29Speaker 04

  Never, he never responded to it.

• 18:30Andrew Santino?

  I'll tell you why. We, we, I get scared of, of, of group texting, cause I don't know when it's gonna stop.

• 18:35Speaker 04

  I understand that.

• 18:35Andrew Santino?

  So I bail pretty quickly. But if you text me directly, I'll text you all day.

• 18:38Speaker 04

  I get that.

• 18:39Andrew Santino?

  But if there's more than one other person in our texts, I'm nervous that they're gonna continue to like stuff, heart stuff, and it's gonna be notification city.

• 18:45Speaker 04

  Listen to me, listen to me. We could talk honestly.

• 18:47Andrew Santino?

  Let's do it.

• 18:48Speaker 04

  So you guys, someone initiated it, you did, because you put us both on.

• 18:52Andrew Santino?

  I did.

• 18:52Speaker 04

  So you initiated it. I responded in kind. I think there is probably like, you know, that was allowed. I wouldn't have gotten so nervous so fast. You don't have to, you could shoot me straight. I, I, I'm not one that's gonna be there like heart and like answering and that I don't have to answer.

• 19:07Andrew Santino?

  But you're a sensitive guy and I figured that I don't want to let you down.

• 19:10Speaker 04

  No.

• 19:10Andrew Santino?

  You're someone who takes their feelings into account.

• 19:12Speaker 04

  And so I, I'm a sensitive guy, but I also have a very gruff side to me. Is gruff a word?

• 19:19Speaker 04

  I have a gruff side.

• 19:20Andrew Santino?

  It is now.

• 19:20Speaker 05

  The Billy Goats gruff.

• 19:21Speaker 04

  What's that?

• 19:22Speaker 05

  The Billy Goats gruff.

• 19:23Speaker 04

  Oh yeah, so it's like, you know, like.

• 19:24Andrew Santino?

  Thank you for that, McCollum. That is something we needed to hear.

• 19:27Speaker 04

  So I also.

• 19:28Andrew Santino?

  The Billy Goats gruff.

• 19:28Speaker 04

  Did I use it right contextually?

• 19:30Speaker 05

  Uh, gruff is a rough and low in pitch, or an abrupt, or tacticum in manner.

• 19:37Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, abrupt and tacticum in manner.

• 19:39Speaker 04

  A gruffness.

• 19:40Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, you have a little bit of a gruffness, but I don't buy it. I'm selling it.

• 19:44Speaker 04

  I wouldn't have been sad if you told me, let's not continue the group thing here. But also, I wasn't gonna go back and forth. You know, didn't I follow up? Because I did.

• 19:55Andrew Santino?

  You did.

• 19:56Speaker 04

  Because nobody said shit, actually.

• 19:57Andrew Santino?

  That's right.

• 19:58Speaker 04

  And then I wrote back, hey, that should have got a little love.

• 20:00Andrew Santino?

  But then a week.

• 20:01Speaker 04

  It was a fun little thing I did. It was a fun thing.

• 20:04Andrew Santino?

  You're right.

• 20:04Speaker 04

  And then I, and then I wrote that, and then I think you wrote back to that, and he still didn't write back.

• 20:09Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, he refused.

• 20:09Speaker 04

  Now, when I see him on the streets, I don't know what's gonna happen now.

• 20:12Andrew Santino?

  It's like that.

• 20:14Speaker 04

  I don't know, I'm not saying violence. I said, I don't know what's gonna happen. I might snub him.

• 20:18Andrew Santino?

  But the implication is that this, that what's.

• 20:22Speaker 04

  Well, I, I very rarely resort to violence. Very rarely.

• 20:25Andrew Santino?

  Hmm.

• 20:26Speaker 04

  Very rarely.

• 20:28Andrew Santino?

  I've heard some stories.

• 20:29Speaker 04

  Okay, you know, who do you keep time with? Who do you keep time with?

• 20:34Andrew Santino?

  Your crew. You think I don't keep time with your crew? You thi- see?

• 20:40Speaker 04

  I didn't do anything.

• 20:42Andrew Santino?

  But the threat.

• 20:43Speaker 04

  I didn't resort.

• 20:44Andrew Santino?

  But that kind of stuff, that New York thing you see, that New York thing you got, I know. But we don't do that in LA.

• 20:50Speaker 04

  Don't?

• 20:50Andrew Santino?

  We do that in LA.

• 20:51Speaker 04

  Okay.

• 20:51Andrew Santino?

  When we see people, we, we wince.

• 20:54Speaker 04

  I, it'll never go, I'll never throw up, but sometimes you just gotta see a guy like that. It's intimidating.

• 20:59Andrew Santino?

  Don't.

• 21:01Andrew Santino?

  Please.

• 21:02Speaker 02

  In here, we pour whiskey.

• 21:05Andrew Santino?

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• 21:48Andrew Santino?

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• 22:20Andrew Santino?

  I'll text you every time you get into a new hotel because I love your view.

• 22:24Speaker 04

  That's real views. Those are real views.

• 22:26Andrew Santino?

  Sal's the only guy I know that will get into a hotel and ask for the worst room.

• 22:30Speaker 04

  I swear to God, I know.

• 22:31Andrew Santino?

  You get, there's no way you get those rooms without asking.

• 22:34Speaker 04

  On your knees.

• 22:35Andrew Santino?

  No, don't you dare.

• 22:37Speaker 04

  I swear to God, don't.

• 22:38Andrew Santino?

  Don't.

• 22:39Speaker 04

  I get those views.

• 22:41Andrew Santino?

  Because every time Sal takes a picture of a hotel he's in, it's always like another rooftop and air conditioning units.

• 22:46Speaker 04

  That's what it is. It's blowing my own balls off, though. I don't, I can't believe it myself. I'll tell you right now.

• 22:51Andrew Santino?

  You've never gotten, now hotels are doing that deliberately to give you shitty rooms.

• 22:54Speaker 04

  I would say in the last 10 years of me doing that bit, like I would say, maybe I've gotten like five nice views, I've chosen not to post them.

• 23:02Andrew Santino?

  Right.

• 23:02Speaker 04

  Just because, yeah, I probably should.

• 23:04Andrew Santino?

  No, no, no, no.

• 23:05Speaker 04

  It would break the internet.

• 23:06Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, they'd lose their minds.

• 23:07Speaker 04

  Yeah, yeah.

• 23:08Andrew Santino?

  I like the shitty views.

• 23:09Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 23:09Andrew Santino?

  It does actually.

• 23:10Speaker 04

  I swear, it's the first thing I do.

• 23:12Andrew Santino?

  Is take a shitty.

• 23:13Speaker 04

  I mean, no, no, first thing I do is I open the door, I walk right to the thing. I'm like, no one's in the room, I'm like, fuck it again.

• 23:20Andrew Santino?

  They gotta be doing that on purpose. They have to be doing that deliberately. There's no reason for you to get that.

• 23:24Speaker 04

  You get good views?

• 23:25Andrew Santino?

  I've never, I've never had a bad view in my life.

• 23:27Speaker 04

  Are you s-

• 23:28Andrew Santino?

  But that's how I see the world.

• 23:31Speaker 04

  Because what I get now is all of my friends, family, every, every time they check into hotel, I get texts of people's views because they wanna-

• 23:37Andrew Santino?

  You know what it is. It's the, it's, it's the energy you put out into the world you're gonna get back. So when I check into the desk, I'm a, I'm a desk clerk right now. Here you go. Welcome to the hotel. Hi, sir. How are you? Checking in?

• 23:46Speaker 04

  Yeah, I'm just checking in and looking for a re, the best room you have, obviously.

• 23:51Andrew Santino?

  Yes, yes, I'll get you the best room. Yes, one second. Can I see your ID and a credit card, please?

• 23:56Speaker 04

  Here's my ID right here.

• 23:58Andrew Santino?

  Right, sir. Okay, so here you go. Let me put, you're on the first floor, 136.

• 24:03Speaker 04

  First?

• 24:03Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, first floor. Gym is open 24 hours a day, and I suggest you try to use it. And breakfast is served till, uh, 9:30. We'll go to 10 for someone like you. You'll sleep in. Have a good stay.

• 24:14Speaker 04

  Thank you.

• 24:14Andrew Santino?

  Do you see how that went? Because the way you approached. Now you be a clerk. I'll show you how I show up.

• 24:18Speaker 04

  What's up, Brad?

• 24:20Andrew Santino?

  Hey, sir, how are you? Good morning.

• 24:21Speaker 04

  You staying here?

• 24:22Andrew Santino?

  I am. I'm checking into the hotel today.

• 24:23Speaker 04

  Alright.

• 24:24Andrew Santino?

  Can I, can I tell you something?

• 24:26Speaker 04

  What are you gonna say?

• 24:27Andrew Santino?

  You look exactly like Brad Pitt. Has anyone ever told you that? You have the same, like, eyes of-

• 24:31Speaker 04

  Once.

• 24:32Andrew Santino?

  Well, you, it's like stunning. Sorry, that's so annoying. I'm sorry, I'm being annoying. I'm being annoying.

• 24:37Speaker 04

  Get out of here, you're not!

• 24:38Andrew Santino?

  No, you want me to leave?

• 24:39Speaker 04

  No, do I want you to leave? I'll tell you how much I don't want you to leave. Penthouse suite, right there.

• 24:43Andrew Santino?

  See how that works.

• 24:44Speaker 04

  No one's taking it for two days. You got it for two days, but then I have a diplomat coming in.

• 24:47Andrew Santino?

  Are you joking?

• 24:47Speaker 04

  But two days, and then we, we get you somewhere else.

• 24:49Andrew Santino?

  I can't accept this.

• 24:50Speaker 04

  I'll see what I can do. No, no, please take it. Take it. From Brad Pitt to you.

• 24:53Andrew Santino?

  Thank you.

• 24:54Speaker 04

  Alright.

• 24:54Andrew Santino?

  And see, that is how, that's why I get nice rooms.

• 24:57Speaker 04

  Okay.

• 24:57Andrew Santino?

  This is the difference between the way we approach the people.

• 24:59Speaker 04

  Next time I check in, I'm gonna be like, hey, you look like Brad. It's a, it's a woman.

• 25:04Speaker 04

  Excuse me, ma'am, you look like Brad Pitt.

• 25:06Andrew Santino?

  Santino, it didn't work. It failed miserably. She hated the bit. You look like Brad. I am overtly nice to the front desk clerks just 'cause I know.

• 25:16Speaker 04

  Oh, I am.

• 25:17Andrew Santino?

  Check, I know you are. I'm kidding. Checking in people. Has to be one of the most thankless, annoying jobs because you've still gotta go, "Hello, good afternoon, welcome to the Marriott." And some dickhead who had a shit flight, who got a bad cab and a blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, is like, "Yeah, hi, is our room ready?"

• 25:35Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 25:35Andrew Santino?

  They deal with that all day.

• 25:36Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 25:37Andrew Santino?

  There isn't a break. Like, at least if, as a restaurant, as a server, I served for years, at least as a server, you get some tables that are shitheads and some, and a lot of fun tables.

• 25:44Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 25:45Andrew Santino?

  They're getting more shit than good. At a hotel front desk. I know it.

• 25:50Speaker 04

  When you get in a little early, and luckily this happened to me when I got here, I got a-

• 25:53Andrew Santino?

  Room isn't ready.

• 25:54Speaker 04

  Ah, but I got, luckily it was when I got here, like 9:40 in the morning. That's it.

• 25:58Andrew Santino?

  Ooh, that's luck.

• 25:58Speaker 04

  9:40 is early.

• 25:59Andrew Santino?

  That's way too early.

• 26:00Speaker 04

  And I don't expect anything.

• 26:01Andrew Santino?

  That's on you.

• 26:02Speaker 04

  Uh, you know, you, you, one o'clock-ish? They say check-in is at three or four.

• 26:07Andrew Santino?

  I know, but noon is the time when I go, "You're gonna hold my bags, I am gonna go to the bar and get lunch."

• 26:11Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 26:12Andrew Santino?

  When I do come back, it would be nice if it moved up the list.

• 26:15Speaker 04

  One o'clock is pushing it.

• 26:16Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, come on.

• 26:16Speaker 04

  But I don't like when they're just like, when it's like after one, 1:30, 2, 2:30, they're like, "It's not ready."

• 26:24Andrew Santino?

  Tomorrow.

• 26:25Speaker 04

  And I'm like, "All right, well," and they're just like, and then they're like, "It's, check-ins at four." Or, you know, "Check-ins at three." I'm just like, "You understand, though, because I've been here a few, few hours, like, right?" So, but, but, but, but here's, here's where, here's where it really gets me.

• 26:39Andrew Santino?

  Yeah.

• 26:39Speaker 04

  When it's past it.

• 26:40Andrew Santino?

  Oh, yeah.

• 26:41Speaker 04

  Then they, then they're not at your feet being like, "We're so, so," this is embarrassment.

• 26:45Andrew Santino?

  They don't care.

• 26:46Speaker 04

  I know it's, I know we're supposed to have everything ready at four and it's 4:10, but like, they don't, they just say it like it's still three.

• 26:52Andrew Santino?

  Right.

• 26:52Speaker 04

  Like, "It's not ready yet," I'm like, "It's, it's, it's four."

• 26:54Andrew Santino?

  Your check-in was at four, yeah.

• 26:56Speaker 04

  Yeah, yeah, see, that's, that's only 4:10.

• 26:58Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, 4:10's fine.

• 26:59Speaker 04

  Then I wanna like-

• 27:00Andrew Santino?

  We'll get you something. Oh, see, that, then, but that's when they go, "We'll get him the room that he deserves."

• 27:05Speaker 04

  Uh, we played, uh, we played this role on the, on the TV show.

• 27:09Andrew Santino?

  What?

• 27:09Speaker 04

  It was fucking fun. The check-in person behind the desk, yeah. We had to offer like insane services. It was, it was, it was one of my favorite ones from last season, actually.

• 27:19Andrew Santino?

  Like, you were like, "Can we, can we come in there and, and do a dance for you?"

• 27:21Speaker 04

  We had to, we had to, we had to, uh, try to upsell, upchar, upsell in that moment. So, I'm like, like, but it was like ridiculous stuff, like, and I didn't know- So on a computer, they had a number coded like amenities. So they, the guys would just be like, number 12. And I'd be like, okay, and I got you in a suite and round the clock power then? You know, like the guy's like, well, I'm like, round the clock power. And he's like, what are you talking about? I'm like, well, if you don't get the round the clock power between midnight and 4am, you won't have any power in the room. But you know, it's just a $5 upcharge. And then they'd say, yes. And I'd go, you want, I'm like, all right. And I got you with a, and I, and I think one was like, uh, your, your rooms, uh, not room service, the lady who cleans the room. Yeah, but we don't say maid.

• 28:02Andrew Santino?

  The maid?

• 28:02Speaker 04

  The maid?

• 28:02Andrew Santino?

  What are you, my dad?

• 28:03Speaker 04

  Yes.

• 28:04Andrew Santino?

  The maid? Get the maid in here!

• 28:07Speaker 04

  Yeah, the broad who cleans the rooms.

• 28:08Andrew Santino?

  Cleaning service?

• 28:09Speaker 04

  Yeah, yeah, the cleaning. And it's just like, uh, that woman will be at least a seven of 10.

• 28:14Andrew Santino?

  Oh, looks wise?

• 28:15Speaker 04

  Yeah, there's a clip on that, but it was really, it was a good one.

• 28:17Andrew Santino?

  If you want someone to clean your room, that's like a four or five, we have that rate.

• 28:20Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 28:20Andrew Santino?

  If you do want someone who is elevated in looks, we do have that as well.

• 28:23Speaker 04

  I said that, and then I was like, and a fuck bench?

• 28:27Andrew Santino?

  A little cock chair? If you'd like a cock chair, we have one.

• 28:30Speaker 04

  Shower, there's a fuck bench? And he's like, I don't need the fuck bench. And I'm like, all right, so you want round the clock power, no pass on the fuck bench? And your, your cleaning lady will be at least a seven out of 10. Thank you.

• 28:40Andrew Santino?

  And the guy, do they bite on it though?

• 28:42Speaker 04

  Fully bite.

• 28:42Andrew Santino?

  That's crazy.

• 28:43Speaker 04

  Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's all about the person.

• 28:45Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 28:46Speaker 04

  They, they make or break the bit. If they are someone who just is earnest and, and believes you, that's why I would just start from a place of being grounded. And if they take it seriously, it's that much fun, funny.

• 28:56Andrew Santino?

  Right.

• 28:57Speaker 04

  Or if they don't want to be bothered, it's, a, a bit can live and die on the person. That's what it all is.

• 29:01Andrew Santino?

  But you got, you learned it after so many years of doing it. You know, you can see right through.

• 29:04Speaker 04

  Yeah, I'll cut someone loose if I don't think they're gonna be good.

• 29:06Andrew Santino?

  You know right away.

• 29:07Speaker 04

  I don't want to waste my goddamn time.

• 29:08Andrew Santino?

  Whoa!

• 29:09Speaker 04

  Yeah, no, no.

• 29:09Andrew Santino?

  That's that New York attitude.

• 29:10Speaker 04

  Yeah, I don't want to waste my time.

• 29:11Andrew Santino?

  Look at the shoes you got on, by the way. I want to compliment. You always got good, great, the kid always has good shoes.

• 29:15Speaker 04

  These are just your typicals.

• 29:17Andrew Santino?

  I know, I know, but you always, you always are wearing something fresh and new and you're, you always keep your feet in something nice. Your feet are always complete.

• 29:24Speaker 04

  He's a presidential suite.

• 29:25Andrew Santino?

  What are these called? Thank you. What are these called? Are these just Jordan 1 lows? Jordan 1 lows?

• 29:28Speaker 04

  This is a basic shoe here.

• 29:30Andrew Santino?

  I know.

• 29:30Speaker 04

  Yeah, I mean, I mean, literally like. Retail.

• 29:33Andrew Santino?

  What are we talking though? Give me a fair number of shoes.

• 29:36Speaker 04

  That I have?

• 29:36Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, genuine.

• 29:38Speaker 04

  Three hundred?

• 29:39Andrew Santino?

  Jesus.

• 29:40Speaker 04

  Is that a lot? I mean, no, no, no. I know that's a lot of shoes. I mean, to

• 29:44Andrew Santino?

  Blink, blink, blink, blink, blink, blink.

• 29:46Speaker 04

  To someone who's like a collector of shoes.

• 29:47Andrew Santino?

  Three hundred is a lot, though.

• 29:49Speaker 04

  It's probably, I, I try to give some away. I, maybe, maybe two fifty.

• 29:51Andrew Santino?

  I'm not trying to make you feel guilty about it. It's your, that's your little rotten, spoiled rotten thing.

• 29:55Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 29:55Andrew Santino?

  You don't do anything else. You, you're not a frivolous man.

• 29:58Speaker 04

  No, and I've really cooled down on shoes, like, or spending a lot on shoes.

• 30:02Andrew Santino?

  Sure.

• 30:02Speaker 04

  Like, I would buy, like, or I would, like, get, like, hard to, you know, but now I'm, like, buying just a lot of, like, shoes at retail, just because I, I really like switching my, you know, I think they should-

• 30:12Andrew Santino?

  How many kicks did you bring to the LA trip?

• 30:14Speaker 04

  I, I travel light. I travel one on feet and, and two in the bag.

• 30:20Speaker 06

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• 30:49Andrew Santino?

  One, is one of those, like, a workout pair of shoes or an exercise shoe?

• 30:52Speaker 04

  Yeah, one is gonna have dual functionality.

• 30:54Andrew Santino?

  It has to, yeah.

• 30:55Speaker 04

  One's gonna be stylish.

• 30:56Andrew Santino?

  Yeah.

• 30:56Speaker 04

  I, I never go anywhere without checkered vans, because they can, they can any single scenario, they're the most versatile shoe. We talked about the vans last time.

• 31:05Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, checkered vans, because you did wear vans on the show last time.

• 31:06Speaker 04

  Yeah, so I never go anywhere without that, and then there's, like, one shoe that I could possibly dress up, and then an everyday shoe slash workout shoe, thanks for thinking I work out, which I just started though four weeks ago.

• 31:15Andrew Santino?

  No, I didn't mean you work out, I mean an exercise shoe for versatility.

• 31:17Speaker 04

  Yeah, there's, there's a versatile shoe, a going out shoe, and then there's the-

• 31:20Andrew Santino?

  Are you exercising?

• 31:21Speaker 04

  There's the Camille. Yeah, yeah, I just started, yeah.

• 31:23Andrew Santino?

  What are we talking?

• 31:24Speaker 04

  Uh, I do-

• 31:24Andrew Santino?

  Cardio, weights?

• 31:25Speaker 04

  Both. I do, uh-

• 31:27Andrew Santino?

  Trainer?

• 31:27Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 31:27Andrew Santino?

  Solo, trainer?

• 31:28Speaker 04

  Trainer, yeah.

• 31:29Andrew Santino?

  Does it suck?

• 31:30Speaker 04

  Yeah, I do it at 6:30 AM.

• 31:32Andrew Santino?

  I can't do it, yeah. I don't wanna listen to some guy bark at me.

• 31:34Speaker 04

  I need it, otherwise I'm not doing it.

• 31:35Andrew Santino?

  You're, it's like that, you'll never do it?

• 31:37Speaker 04

  I'll never do it.

• 31:38Andrew Santino?

  Really?

• 31:38Speaker 04

  Yeah, and I need to do it.

• 31:39Andrew Santino?

  You have so mu- you have so much drive. It's just something you don't care about. Unless somebody makes you care.

• 31:44Speaker 04

  I, I never did it, so I don't have that, I'm not, like, I don't have that mindset of like,

• 31:49Andrew Santino?

  Get up and go.

• 31:50Speaker 04

  Yeah, but I just know it's about like, doing it with consistency enough until I cross over to the other side, and then I'll probably, maybe, hopefully, God willing, be able to, God bless and Jesus and Mary and Joseph, be able to try to like, with all my heart and love and say the, some prayers and maybe I'll be able to continue on with it.

• 32:05Andrew Santino?

  Did you grow up Catholic?

• 32:06Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 32:07Andrew Santino?

  You're not anymore, though. I am.

• 32:10Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 32:10Andrew Santino?

  No.

• 32:11Speaker 04

  Come on.

• 32:11Andrew Santino?

  I wish. There it is.

• 32:13Speaker 04

  I got that on a road trip in April 2020.

• 32:16Andrew Santino?

  Which prison, which prison were you on when that got done?

• 32:18Speaker 04

  2003, Electric Ladyland Tattoo.

• 32:20Andrew Santino?

  Oh, really?

• 32:20Speaker 04

  In New Orleans.

• 32:21Andrew Santino?

  New Orleans, yeah.

• 32:21Speaker 04

  Yeah, it's terrible. I don't know why I got it.

• 32:23Andrew Santino?

  It really looks bad.

• 32:24Speaker 04

  And the guy who did it was a new guy, I found out after he.

• 32:27Andrew Santino?

  New guy!

• 32:28Speaker 04

  Tattooed me.

• 32:28Andrew Santino?

  Come get this guy.

• 32:29Speaker 04

  And it's, it's, uh, it's not symmetrical, and it's been, I've been staring at this for 22 years and I, and I ha- and I have an anxiety.

• 32:37Andrew Santino?

  Get it peeled off. They can do it now, so, so easy.

• 32:40Speaker 04

  Something about that.

• 32:40Andrew Santino?

  We have so many friends that do it. What's that? Show the camera. Show the camera, yeah, show the kids.

• 32:45Speaker 04

  Yeah, it's like, well, I'm turning, it's not that twisty, but like, you see that?

• 32:49Andrew Santino?

  Why, why don't, why don't you get it?

• 32:50Speaker 04

  I thought it looked really cool, I'm not particularly religious, I got it, and, but, to be fair, when I first got it, like, there were some gals about town that were like, oh, that's cool.

• 32:58Andrew Santino?

  Really?

• 32:58Speaker 04

  And so I guess, check, you know, I did it.

• 33:01Andrew Santino?

  The babes like it?

• 33:01Speaker 04

  Yeah, yeah, yeah. But, but I know, I really don't, I, you know what it is, too, I, I, most of my tattoos I don't like, I think like, that's everybody.

• 33:07Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, well, if, I don't have any, so I don't relate.

• 33:09Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 33:09Andrew Santino?

  But I understand, most people do say this.

• 33:11Speaker 04

  I have seven, and I could, I could take or leave, like, you know, four of them.

• 33:14Andrew Santino?

  They're on your back, right?

• 33:15Speaker 04

  Uh, no, nothing on my back.

• 33:17Andrew Santino?

  You don't have that swastika anymore? That thing is gone? You got that one removed?

• 33:20Speaker 04

  That, that wasn't on my back.

• 33:23Andrew Santino?

  Wait, what, where's your tattoo? Shoulder? High shoulder?

• 33:26Speaker 04

  No.

• 33:26Andrew Santino?

  Shoulder, arm, where? Legs?

• 33:27Speaker 04

  I have one here.

• 33:29Andrew Santino?

  Oh, and that's, let me see.

• 33:30Speaker 04

  Some words. That's just some words there.

• 33:32Andrew Santino?

  Wait, wait, wait, wait.

• 33:33Speaker 04

  It's just some words there.

• 33:34Andrew Santino?

  What does it say?

• 33:34Speaker 04

  It's a, it's just a note about you, and I don't want you to know what it says.

• 33:38Andrew Santino?

  Well, I guess I'll read it when you're dead.

• 33:39Speaker 04

  No, it's song lyrics for a friend of mine that, that passed.

• 33:42Andrew Santino?

  That passed away, of course. It's a dead guy's thing. There's always a dead guy's song. Well, you're the one that got the tattoo.

• 33:46Speaker 04

  My grandparents' initials on my, on my legs here.

• 33:50Andrew Santino?

  The funniest part, I thought you were gonna say my grandparents with a tribal tattoo. It's my grandfather's tribal tattoo.

• 33:54Speaker 04

  This is my grandfather's tribe.

• 33:56Andrew Santino?

  We had, he had a tribe. I had to get it.

• 33:58Speaker 04

  Yeah. This, now, this is, this is my first tattoo ever. I got it at 18, and it's really bad. But it's when tribal, like, it's before it was even co-opted by, like, Vin Diesel and stuff like that. It was like, I'll tell you this quick story. I went, my dad, my dad, like, turned like 50 or whatever, and he got a tattoo, and then he was like, I was turning 18, or he's about to turn 50, and he's like, I'm gonna take you for your first tattoo. It was illegal until you were 18. Uh, well, it still is.

• 34:21Andrew Santino?

  Uh, if you have a parent, you can do it if you're under 18.

• 34:23Speaker 04

  You can?

• 34:24Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, if a parent goes, it depends on where you are.

• 34:26Speaker 04

  I just remember, like, it was illegal in New York. This is how old I am. Showing my age. Okay. So I, I went when I turned 18, and I didn't see anything I liked, and I was in there for like an hour, and I didn't wanna get anything I didn't like, so I was like, I don't really see anything. But my dad, like, he really wanted this to be a bonding moment. He's like, are you sure? Are you sure? And so, back then, I don't know if this is the case now, especially where I'm from, the tattoo artists were dicks.

• 34:50Andrew Santino?

  Yeah.

• 34:51Speaker 04

  They were arrogant dicks.

• 34:52Andrew Santino?

  Yeah.

• 34:52Speaker 04

  And they treated you like they were doing you a favor.

• 34:54Andrew Santino?

  It's kinda like a coffee shop, when you're like, what do you want?

• 34:57Speaker 04

  I don't, I don't really notice that a lot now, but, yeah, it still is like that.

• 35:00Andrew Santino?

  Oh, my god.

• 35:01Speaker 04

  But you don't have any tattoos.

• 35:02Andrew Santino?

  No, no, no, no. I'm saying the cul- the cultural vibe is like a very, like, you're not cool enough to be in here.

• 35:07Speaker 04

  Yeah, that's what it was like.

• 35:08Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, well, it still is like. My buddy Nick, I went to, I go see him when he gets tattoos, and like, you know, most of them are very cool, but like, sometimes people look at you like you're, like, uh, what's, what's up? And you're like, I, I'm just-

• 35:19Speaker 04

  Yes!

• 35:19Andrew Santino?

  I'm just here to support the thing, man. I don't-

• 35:21Speaker 04

  Come on!

• 35:21Andrew Santino?

  Yeah.

• 35:22Speaker 04

  So, I, and I'm actually glad the guy was, did this to me, 'cause in hindsight, he did me a favor. But I just, I was throwing a dart at the wall because I couldn't find any. I didn't know I could even, like, be like, draw this for me. I, I was trying to pick from the selections.

• 35:36Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, right.

• 35:36Speaker 04

  And I, I, I said, well, maybe I'll get the Daffy Duck. Because I like Daffy. He's underrated and and but thank God I did.

• 35:44Andrew Santino?

  He's highly rated.

• 35:44Speaker 04

  He is highly rated?

• 35:45Andrew Santino?

  I do not think Daffy's underrated whatsoever.

• 35:47Speaker 04

  I'm sorry, Daff- no, Daff- no, Daffy, Daffy, yeah.

• 35:50Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, I said Daffy.

• 35:51Speaker 04

  Yeah, I'm just making sure. Not Donald, Daffy.

• 35:54Andrew Santino?

  Well, Donald, after he caught a case, nobody mounts Mr. Daffy. He's in bad shape, dude, but.

• 35:58Speaker 04

  Put on some pants, so.

• 36:01Speaker 04

  No, so I said Daffy and he goes, and the guy goes, huh. He went like that and I go, what? I didn't, I didn't even say what he goes, huh. And then he literally went, you look like a cartooner. When you came in here. He called me a cartooner. And I just was like.

• 36:13Andrew Santino?

  And you, can I tell you something? I agree with him, but I would never say that to you. That's insane.

• 36:19Speaker 04

  I know.

• 36:19Andrew Santino?

  You do look like a cartooner. But that's not an insult. Cartoona.

• 36:23Speaker 04

  Don't.

• 36:23Andrew Santino?

  A cartoona.

• 36:24Speaker 04

  Just watch.

• 36:24Andrew Santino?

  Sorry.

• 36:25Speaker 04

  Just watch yourself.

• 36:26Andrew Santino?

  But that's not an insult.

• 36:28Speaker 04

  It was.

• 36:29Andrew Santino?

  From him.

• 36:30Speaker 04

  He intended it to be. I felt so like ashamed.

• 36:33Andrew Santino?

  You walked out.

• 36:34Speaker 04

  No, and then I said, um, all right, I just don't know. And he goes, here. He goes, let me show you something. And he took a book out from underneath the thing. And he opened it and he like, and I goes, and there was like tribal designs and he's like, this is something new. And I was like, oh, I go, this is kind of cool. And I was like, I was more of like a grunge, like a. Like, I wasn't like a, um, like a, like a, like a muscle guy. Like a, like the Guidos co-opted the tribal. But prior to that, I was like a hippie dippy grunge guy. And so I got it on my ankle. You know, and so I got it. And this was the first one. And now, of course, it's mortifying, this tattoo.

• 37:10Andrew Santino?

  It is.

• 37:10Speaker 04

  And now if I'm, I usually wear, if I know, especially with this, this outfit, right? Yeah, it's like I'm showcasing.

• 37:15Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, I know.

• 37:16Speaker 04

  You know, but so anyway, so I used to work at this deli, right? So 24 hour deli. So I'm there and like. Let's call it six months later, this guy comes, nah, maybe it was more than that, maybe a year or two later. This guy comes in, huge muscle guy with like a tank, like a tank top on, big, and he has this tattoo.

• 37:34Andrew Santino?

  Identical.

• 37:34Speaker 04

  On his arm, right? His massive arm, right? And I go, I'm ringing him up and I go, oh, I have that tattoo. And he goes, no, you don't. And I go, no, I, I got that tattoo. And he goes, you don't have this exact tattoo. I go, I have that exact tattoo. He's like. Show me. So then I showed him my leg and he went, "That motherfucker." He goes, "I'm gonna fuck him up." And I'm like, "Whoa." So the guy Doug, that did this tattoo for me, whatever, he paid him to draw him a bespoke tribal.

• 38:02Andrew Santino?

  Oh, you got a bespoke tribal?

• 38:04Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 38:04Andrew Santino?

  But it wasn't yours?

• 38:05Speaker 04

  So I guess, I guess he, I guess that Guido had it first then.

• 38:07Andrew Santino?

  He did.

• 38:08Speaker 04

  So I guess he, I guess he did, but I didn't see it on a lot of Guidos back then, so. I thought I was doing something.

• 38:13Andrew Santino?

  Well, if they were on a lot of ankles, you wouldn't have seen it.

• 38:14Speaker 04

  I thought I was seeing something unique. And then so, and this guy was supposed to, he broke the code of ethics and sold, he paid him extra to draw that. And that wasn't supposed to be sold to somebody else and he put it on me. Cause what are the odds that this guy's gonna run into the other guy, the other kid? Yeah. And I don't know what happened between those two guys.

• 38:32Andrew Santino?

  Well, one of those guys is dead.

• 38:33Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 38:34Andrew Santino?

  And my money's on the Guido.

• 38:35Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 38:37Andrew Santino?

  All that creatine goes right to the head at some point. I didn't, you know, I never have gotten a tattoo and I've talked about me.

• 38:42Speaker 04

  Zero desire. You're, you're past it now. You'll never, you'll never get one now.

• 38:45Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, probably. Well, I also, I saw a young lady this morning walking, I was walking the dog and I saw a young lady walking. Um, and she had the, uh, the invisible eyebrows now, that's a thing, you know, when they dye them, they dye them.

• 38:56Speaker 04

  I don't get it.

• 38:56Andrew Santino?

  Well, we're old, but, uh, and I'm okay to go, I don't get that, but I understand that they like that, cause I did shit when I was young.

• 39:02Speaker 04

  But they take, they, but she has her own.

• 39:05Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, they're there.

• 39:06Speaker 04

  Oh, so they're still there?

• 39:07Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, but they're like white or they dye them blonde or they, they dye them.

• 39:10Speaker 04

  Oh, oh, so, oh, I thought you meant the tattoo.

• 39:13Andrew Santino?

  No, no dude, this is like, they literally colored the eyebrow a different color.

• 39:16Speaker 04

  But they're, they're staining the skin?

• 39:19Andrew Santino?

  Just, there's, there's, so there's hair there and they're dying the hair itself.

• 39:22Speaker 04

  No, there's another thing, that people are getting like tattooed.

• 39:24Andrew Santino?

  Oh, I know this.

• 39:25Speaker 04

  Under the thing.

• 39:25Andrew Santino?

  But this young lady, he, you know, understands, it's his generation, people in their twenties. You know who Julia Fox is? Ankajam.

• 39:32Speaker 04

  Ankajam.

• 39:32Andrew Santino?

  So she kinda did this and a lot of women did it as well. It was a trend, right?

• 39:36Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 39:36Andrew Santino?

  She had this and then she had a massive spider web tattoo on her neck with a spider right here in the middle. And, and I like all kinds of people. I want everyone to live their free.

• 39:48Speaker 04

  That's what everybody says about you.

• 39:49Andrew Santino?

  But I see that and I immediately go, you know, you're gonna be 50 one day.

• 39:54Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 39:55Andrew Santino?

  And that's such an old man thought, but I do know her at 50. Isn't gonna love that anymore.

• 40:00Speaker 04

  My 240 niece is, I don't know where she caught the bug from, but she has it from, she did everything.

• 40:06Andrew Santino?

  Yeah.

• 40:06Speaker 04

  And it's crazy. This is my little, like, my little niece is, she got into it. She started to even learn how to do it. She's a registered nurse now, but she has the neck, she has it here, in the ear here, in the hands.

• 40:17Andrew Santino?

  The neck is tough for me.

• 40:18Speaker 04

  Yeah, I'm, I'm like, what are you gonna, you know, and she's like, I'm fine with it.

• 40:22Andrew Santino?

  She is, and that's fine that they're fine with it, but I did think, it looks weird when you're old, when you see someone in their 60s with, like, a neck tattoo or a face tattoo. It does something.

• 40:31Speaker 04

  The face tattoo is becoming so normalized to me that when someone walks by, I don't even think.

• 40:35Andrew Santino?

  I don't think about it as much anymore.

• 40:37Speaker 04

  It used to be a thing, I was like, oh my god, like, look at this wayward person. What happened in their life?

• 40:42Andrew Santino?

  A, a, a, a ne'er-do-well.

• 40:45Speaker 04

  Yeah, ne'er-do-well.

• 40:45Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, that is a ne'er-do-well.

• 40:46Speaker 04

  Like, maybe they've either seen some hard times, or they're like some, they're rough and tumble, you know, something. You know what I mean?

• 40:51Andrew Santino?

  Ooh, rough and tumble. What if you're just tumble and not rough? How come we don't do, they're quite, because you could say rough without tumble, but tumble can't be without rough.

• 40:58Speaker 04

  Yeah, you're right.

• 40:58Andrew Santino?

  I don't know why.

• 40:59Speaker 05

  It's like, it's like trials and tribulations.

• 41:02Andrew Santino?

  Yeah. No, you can have both of those separate.

• 41:04Speaker 04

  Yeah, you can have both of those separate. You're not an arch from our generation.

• 41:07Andrew Santino?

  He doesn't know what he's talking about.

• 41:08Speaker 04

  But, um, no, yeah, but you're right, but what is tumble?

• 41:11Andrew Santino?

  Uh, rough and tumble, it's kind of referring to like a, a tumbleweed, a go, a, a roll around, a dusty, a dusty person.

• 41:21Speaker 04

  Oh, is that right?

• 41:22Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, no, I'm making it up, but I imagine, yeah, I just imagine.

• 41:24Speaker 04

  Yeah, you never hear someone be like, he's tumble.

• 41:26Andrew Santino?

  God, that guy's quite tumble.

• 41:27Speaker 04

  He's quite tumble. Stay away from him, he's tumble.

• 41:30Andrew Santino?

  Tumble? Because that sounds cute. Because tumbling in gymnastics is cute.

• 41:35Speaker 04

  He took a little tumble.

• 41:36Andrew Santino?

  Oh, he's a little tumbler, is he?

• 41:37Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 41:38Andrew Santino?

  What is rough and tumble? What does it say?

• 41:39Speaker 05

  The phrase described disorderly struggle and originated in the late 1700s, initially referring to a brutal, no-hold-bar style of hand-to-hand combat.

• 41:47Andrew Santino?

  Combat, fighting, yeah.

• 41:48Speaker 04

  Oh, really?

• 41:49Andrew Santino?

  Fighting, yeah. It all goes back to fighting. Don't. Please, please don't.

• 41:55Andrew Santino?

  It all goes back to fighting.

• 41:57Speaker 02

  In here, we pour whiskey.

• 42:00Andrew Santino?

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• 42:43Andrew Santino?

  mean. Uh, they've got you covered. It's created by a doctor and, uh, it's baking soda free, aluminum free, cruelty free, dye free, and vegan. It's proven to control odor better than any buddy else. And it does very much so work. This is the smooth solid, and this stuff does smell good and it feels good. And the Mando Starter Pack is perfect for new customers. Secure some last-minute stocking stuffers for your family and friends. A special offer for our listeners, uh, new customers are gonna get 20% off sitewide with our exclusive code. The code, of course, is WHISKY at shopmando.com for 20% off sitewide plus free shipping. Once again, S-H-O-P-M-A-N-D-O.com. Shopmando.com. Please support our show. Tell them we sent you. Mando's got you covered with deodorant plus sweat control. Say goodbye to sweat stains and hello to long-lasting freshness. Don't let the meat sweats get you this holiday season. Your family and friends are gonna thank you.

• 43:26Andrew Santino?

  I hate regular socks and my feet get sweaty, or they get stinky, and I'm telling you, hollow socks are incredible. Hollow socks are premium alpaca boot socks, uh, built for cold mornings, long days on your feet, and everything in between. Ultra soft, uh, alpaca fiber. Uh, it's even, it's even softer than you think it could be. It's wild. It's moisture managing, which I love. If I'm out walking the golf course all day, they keep it nice and dry. And also three times more warmer than wool without all the bulk. Wool can be very bulky and chunky. Not these things, baby. They are so comfortable. Uh, I love them inside my golf shoes, uh, and when I go hiking. Uh, but cold offices, uh, or if you're work boots, uh, you can Spend 300 bucks on work boots, you throw in $2 socks from Costco and you wonder why your

• 44:08Andrew Santino?

  feet are always sweaty, stinky and cold. That's why these are made in the USA, trusted by athletes and over 2 million pairs have been sold. Hollow socks have got you covered and they're beyond comfortable. You must try them. I do love them very much. No matter what your day looks like, working, training or relaxing, there's a hollow sock that's built for it. For a limited time, Hollow Socks is having a buy three, get three free sale. Head to hollowsocks.com today and check it out. That's hollowsocks.com for up to 50% off your order after you purchase. They're gonna ask you where you heard about them. You know what to say. I heard about them over and over and over. Whiskey ginger, baby. Support our show, tell them we sent you. Hollow socks make the softest, most comfortable, moisture managing socks in the game right now. Grab yourself a pair of Hollow Socks at hollowsocks.com. Once again, whiskey, whiskey sent ya, baby.

• 44:54Andrew Santino?

  Ginger. I like gingers. You got your ass kicked when you were a kid?

• 45:00Speaker 04

  Um...

• 45:00Andrew Santino?

  We all did. If you got into a fight, you got your ass kicked once. The guy who says he never lost a fight is the worst liar.

• 45:06Speaker 04

  No, I would never say that. I don't know if I've ever been in a fight. I've been in a one-on-one, like really mix them up, like a one of these?

• 45:13Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, a little knuckle, a little left, a little right.

• 45:14Speaker 04

  On the ice.

• 45:16Andrew Santino?

  Oh.

• 45:17Speaker 04

  On the ice.

• 45:18Andrew Santino?

  But that's fair game.

• 45:19Speaker 04

  Yeah. But I feel like that's not indicative of a street fight. You know, maybe like a couple of punches and then like you get pulled away and...

• 45:28Andrew Santino?

  Sure.

• 45:28Speaker 04

  I'm not, I'm not saying I'm tumble.

• 45:30Andrew Santino?

  You're not.

• 45:30Speaker 04

  I'm not tumble.

• 45:31Andrew Santino?

  You're rough.

• 45:32Speaker 04

  I'm rough.

• 45:32Andrew Santino?

  But you're not a tumbler.

• 45:33Speaker 04

  Eh, I enjoy it rough. I enjoy it right rough.

• 45:35Andrew Santino?

  When you're, when you're on the ice...

• 45:36Speaker 04

  Don't ask me to tumble.

• 45:37Andrew Santino?

  What position are you?

• 45:38Speaker 04

  Don't ask me to tumble. I won't do it.

• 45:41Andrew Santino?

  What position are you on the ice?

• 45:43Speaker 04

  Right wing.

• 45:44Andrew Santino?

  Are you?

• 45:44Speaker 04

  I started in roller hockey as a goalie. I used to be able to split. How about that?

• 45:48Andrew Santino?

  Can I be honest with you?

• 45:49Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 45:49Andrew Santino?

  I would've guessed goalie.

• 45:50Speaker 04

  You would've?

• 45:51Andrew Santino?

  I would've.

• 45:51Speaker 04

  Why?

• 45:52Andrew Santino?

  Wide frame?

• 45:53Speaker 04

  Hmm.

• 45:55Andrew Santino?

  You need like a top.

• 45:55Speaker 04

  Broad.

• 45:56Andrew Santino?

  You need a broad frame. You can't be, this guy can't be a fucking goalie, he weighs a hundred and sixty pounds.

• 46:00Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 46:01Andrew Santino?

  You need someone that's got a frame.

• 46:02Speaker 04

  You wouldn't make the playoffs.

• 46:03Andrew Santino?

  Playoffs? Playoffs?

• 46:05Speaker 04

  He wouldn't make the playoffs.

• 46:05Andrew Santino?

  Playoffs?

• 46:06Speaker 04

  He wouldn't make them.

• 46:07Andrew Santino?

  No, he wouldn't, you know, he wouldn't make the reg seas.

• 46:08Speaker 04

  You, you, um, you, you thought goalie, alright, I'll take that as a.

• 46:11Andrew Santino?

  Well, that's because you're broad, you're a broad shoulder man. By the way, compliment as a man. You don't want, you don't want.

• 46:16Speaker 04

  We established I was a man up top.

• 46:18Andrew Santino?

  We did, and you know, I surprised you with it. I know you didn't see it coming.

• 46:21Speaker 04

  Yeah, yeah.

• 46:22Andrew Santino?

  But I, I, I really wanted to give it to you, because like I said, a lot of people have said to me.

• 46:25Speaker 04

  That's why I don't feel like I'm a man.

• 46:26Andrew Santino?

  Does Sal know if he's a man or not? I said, well, I'll ask him.

• 46:29Speaker 04

  Okay.

• 46:30Andrew Santino?

  And I, I know you know now.

• 46:31Speaker 04

  You know, when you hear like, uh, uh, Salt and Pepper, uh, like when they've sing Shoop or What a Man and stuff.

• 46:37Andrew Santino?

  What a man, what a man, what a mighty good man.

• 46:40Speaker 04

  With a Denzel face.

• 46:41Andrew Santino?

  Yeah.

• 46:41Speaker 04

  He's smart like a doctor with a real good rep. And when he come home, he always got a gift for me every time. You know, like, when you, when that's on and you sing that, do you attribute those, like, do you feel like, like, that, like, that some of these lines can be about me?

• 46:54Andrew Santino?

  No, not even one of them.

• 46:55Speaker 04

  Okay.

• 46:56Andrew Santino?

  Though, that song in particular is about a beautiful.

• 46:59Speaker 04

  He's a mighty, mighty good man.

• 47:01Andrew Santino?

  That's about a big, beautiful, black man that they're referring to.

• 47:04Speaker 04

  I know.

• 47:04Andrew Santino?

  I don't have any of those qualities.

• 47:05Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 47:06Andrew Santino?

  So, I don't, I don't, I, I love the song, I know it's not about me.

• 47:10Speaker 04

  Twelve inches to a yard, have you screaming like a?

• 47:14Andrew Santino?

  Go ahead, you can't say it.

• 47:15Speaker 04

  I can't say it.

• 47:16Andrew Santino?

  But twelve inches also, that's, you know.

• 47:17Speaker 04

  You know, uh, Big Pun?

• 47:20Andrew Santino?

  Yeah.

• 47:20Speaker 04

  Big Pun has a line that I think he says, he says, uh, uh, his, you couldn't measure my dick with six rulers.

• 47:26Andrew Santino?

  Yeah.

• 47:27Speaker 04

  That's, you know.

• 47:27Andrew Santino?

  Absurd.

• 47:28Speaker 04

  It's, it's silly now. Do you want me to take you serious?

• 47:31Andrew Santino?

  Yes.

• 47:31Speaker 04

  That's outrageous.

• 47:32Andrew Santino?

  It's so many.

• 47:33Speaker 04

  It's outrageous.

• 47:34Andrew Santino?

  It's so many.

• 47:35Speaker 04

  If you're gonna rap and brag about something, you couldn't, you couldn't measure my dick with a ruler.

• 47:39Andrew Santino?

  With a ruler.

• 47:39Speaker 04

  Then maybe, maybe, from the footage I've seen, maybe.

• 47:44Andrew Santino?

  Hmm.

• 47:45Speaker 04

  I could be like, oh, maybe, maybe this is true. But a six foot penis?

• 47:50Andrew Santino?

  Imagine if he had, imagine if he had, imagine if his penis was just, just a, a foot and one inch, one inch over, and he was going around doing that.

• 47:58Speaker 04

  Nailed it.

• 47:59Andrew Santino?

  Couldn't measure, because you measured my dick with a ruler, they're like, well, it just got over Pun, I mean. Let's not be so hyperbolic, I mean.

• 48:05Speaker 04

  No, but he's right.

• 48:06Andrew Santino?

  Yeah.

• 48:07Speaker 04

  I would, that's, he's got you dead to rights.

• 48:08Andrew Santino?

  Twelve inches, one centimeter.

• 48:10Speaker 04

  That's factual.

• 48:10Andrew Santino?

  That is.

• 48:11Speaker 04

  But six feet, six feet his dick?

• 48:13Andrew Santino?

  Yeah.

• 48:14Speaker 04

  It's as long as him.

• 48:15Andrew Santino?

  Well, you couldn't measure it, it's over six feet.

• 48:18Speaker 04

  You go, it's over six feet, okay.

• 48:20Andrew Santino?

  It's an absurdly long penis.

• 48:21Speaker 04

  What kind of life is that?

• 48:24Speaker 04

  It would be horrible.

• 48:25Andrew Santino?

  Well, that's why he died so young.

• 48:26Speaker 04

  He'd be on TLC, he'd have a show on TLC.

• 48:28Andrew Santino?

  Oh, I'm sure.

• 48:28Speaker 05

  The line before he says he's sick.

• 48:30Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, he's sick.

• 48:31Speaker 05

  Says, "I'll rip my prick through your hooters, I'm sick, you couldn't measure my dick with six rulers."

• 48:34Speaker 04

  I'll rip my prick through you, I'll rub. Rub.

• 48:38Speaker 05

  I always thought it was stick.

• 48:39Speaker 04

  Rub my...

• 48:40Speaker 05

  Cause that's the next rhyme.

• 48:41Andrew Santino?

  Well, we're not gonna say the word.

• 48:41Speaker 04

  I'll rip my?

• 48:43Speaker 05

  I'll stick my prick through your hooters.

• 48:44Speaker 04

  Is that what he says?

• 48:45Speaker 05

  I don't know, I guess I'll look it up, that was just memory.

• 48:47Speaker 04

  Well, I've been, I've been saying the wrong XXX lyric my whole life then.

• 48:50Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, I don't know why you're screwing that up.

• 48:52Speaker 05

  I think the, the heart is there though.

• 48:54Speaker 04

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 48:55Speaker 05

  The idea.

• 48:56Andrew Santino?

  I like the, "I go downstairs, little brown hairs everywhere, and you're nasty" pun, I don't care. That's my favorite version of it. That's my favorite version, cause they're like, "You're nasty," he's like, "I don't care." It's cute.

• 49:06Speaker 04

  It's such a funny lyric to rap.

• 49:08Andrew Santino?

  It's such a funny line to say, "I don't care."

• 49:12Speaker 04

  I actually, every time I hear that lyric, I'm like, ew. It's disgusting, like, it's like...

• 49:18Andrew Santino?

  Sometimes rappers are cute. Like, that's a cute, funny little throwaway.

• 49:21Speaker 04

  That's cute, but the line right before, "Little brown hairs," I'm like, ew.

• 49:24Andrew Santino?

  Ooh, yeah, but "you nasty twin, I don't care."

• 49:26Speaker 04

  I don't care.

• 49:27Andrew Santino?

  It's like, that, that's like when you catch a kid, they're like, "Ew, what are you doing?" He's like, "I don't care."

• 49:33Speaker 04

  I wish he would've rapped it like that. Like, "Little brown hairs everywhere, you nasty," he's just like, "Okay."

• 49:38Andrew Santino?

  Okay.

• 49:39Speaker 05

  It's, "I'll rip my prick through your hooters."

• 49:41Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, of course it is.

• 49:42Speaker 04

  Jeez, oh, he says prick?

• 49:43Andrew Santino?

  No.

• 49:44Speaker 05

  Well, yes, he does.

• 49:46Andrew Santino?

  "I rip my dick through you hooters," no, it's dick.

• 49:47Speaker 05

  It's censored, it says prick right here.

• 49:49Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, censored.

• 49:50Speaker 05

  But it's...

• 49:50Andrew Santino?

  Uncensored.

• 49:51Speaker 05

  The uncensored says prick right here.

• 49:52Andrew Santino?

  No, no.

• 49:52Speaker 04

  I've never heard that man say PR.

• 49:54Andrew Santino?

  Uh, he says dick.

• 49:55Speaker 05

  I have the uncensored version, if you wanna hear it.

• 49:56Speaker 04

  I, I, I don't know, do we, will we get demonetized?

• 49:59Andrew Santino?

  Oh, we'll have to, we'll have to edit it. Yeah, we'll have to edit, we'll watch it after the show.

• 50:02Speaker 04

  I don't wanna, I don't wanna give you extra work.

• 50:04Andrew Santino?

  I don't, me neither.

• 50:05Speaker 04

  You, you're in the cockpit.

• 50:06Andrew Santino?

  Thank you.

• 50:07Speaker 04

  Yeah, yeah.

• 50:07Andrew Santino?

  My co-captain. I'll give you, one of my favorite lyrics was, and I did a joke about it years ago and I stopped doing it, but it just reminded me. Biggie says, um, uh, "Phone bill about two G's flat, no need to worry, my accountant handles that."

• 50:23Speaker 04

  I do a whole bit of that.

• 50:24Andrew Santino?

  You did?

• 50:25Speaker 04

  I have a full bit on that lyric, that specific lyric.

• 50:27Andrew Santino?

  I had a bit years ago and I stopped doing it. I'm my hand to God.

• 50:31Speaker 04

  No, come on.

• 50:32Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, I did it. I did it a few times. I never wrote about it again.

• 50:35Speaker 04

  No shit. I mean, I'm not joking. I have a full bit. It's, I mean, for forever. I haven't put it on a special or anything. Um, but I'm actually, I actually-

• 50:42Andrew Santino?

  You still do it?

• 50:43Speaker 04

  I actually extracted it from a bigger bit. I took it, I changed it up a little bit. I added to it and I like, and now I'm, it's in the, it's in my tour right now, the hour I'm doing right now.

• 50:53Andrew Santino?

  Seriously?

• 50:53Speaker 04

  Swear to God.

• 50:54Andrew Santino?

  Well, then we shouldn't talk about it. That's so funny.

• 50:56Speaker 04

  It's okay. I don't care.

• 50:57Andrew Santino?

  I don't want to, we don't have to do your joke.

• 50:59Speaker 04

  But they, this just, this just-

• 51:01Andrew Santino?

  Well, the idea was that it was absurd. It's absurd.

• 51:03Speaker 04

  Yeah, then that's, yeah, that, that just justifies the fact that-

• 51:05Andrew Santino?

  Two thousand dollars is such an absurd amount of money.

• 51:09Speaker 04

  This is my exact-

• 51:10Andrew Santino?

  A month? One month?

• 51:11Speaker 04

  Wait, oh, you're fucking with me.

• 51:13Andrew Santino?

  I swear to God. I did this bit years and years ago and I never did it again. I, my hand to God, I'm not even kidding. I swear to God.

• 51:19Speaker 04

  Dude, I have an extensive bit about, like, I'm like, literally about, like, I say, there's a line in-

• 51:24Andrew Santino?

  And then I even looked up Bell, like Bell Technologies and all the phone companies that were around back then, that how, how many countries could you be calling to acquire a $2,000 a month phone bill? Do you have this?

• 51:33Speaker 04

  Oh, you're fucking with me right now.

• 51:34Andrew Santino?

  I swear to God. I'm not kidding. I'm not joking.

• 51:39Speaker 04

  So-

• 51:39Andrew Santino?

  I haven't seen your hour.

• 51:41Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 51:42Andrew Santino?

  How could I have seen this? When's the last time I've seen you?

• 51:43Speaker 04

  I don't know. Maybe like at, at, at a club. I don't know.

• 51:45Andrew Santino?

  Oh, I don't watch people.

• 51:46Speaker 04

  I don't know if you're, I don't, I, I believe, I can't tell you fucking with me.

• 51:48Andrew Santino?

  I swear to God.

• 51:49Speaker 04

  So then we were like-minded then. I can't believe, I've been doing the bit a very, very, very long time.

• 51:54Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, I did it years ago and I stopped.

• 51:55Speaker 04

  It was part of like, it was one song, like I did a few of them, but now I changed it. I, I, when I talk about my ADHD, I say I hyper-focus on things. And like things loop in my head and I can't get them out. So I was at a party and the song Juicy by The Geese Walls came on, it's a line, the song's phone bill, I just had no idea where my accountant handles that. And my, should I, I could, yeah, right?

• 52:15Andrew Santino?

  Do whatever you want.

• 52:16Speaker 04

  I could say, right?

• 52:17Andrew Santino?

  It's your joke.

• 52:18Speaker 04

  Yeah, but I know, but I like, am I giving it a, uh, all right. Yeah, so I say, um, I say, uh, uh- All I keep thinking is, dear God, if Biggie Smalls, now I'm not gonna fuck, I'm blanking on my own joke.

• 52:33Speaker 04

  If Biggie Smalls could see how far we have come.

• 52:37Andrew Santino?

  That's a good spin.

• 52:39Speaker 04

  Unlimited talk, text and web is now forty dollars.

• 52:42Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, that's right.

• 52:42Speaker 04

  He's talking to G's. If he didn't get shot, he would have died of a heart attack. The rates are too good. We would have lost Mr. Smalls either way. Do you know how much it would take to rack up a two thousand dollar phone bill today, let alone twenty-five years ago when he wrote that song? Calls within the continental United States are a flat rate, let's call that fifty dollars. I think that's on the high side. Which means that if he would have had to account for another one thousand and nine hundred and fifty dollars, he would have to talk, and I say, and back then, we all know long distance calls were, you can get for a dollar a minute. They banged us over the head with it, which means that if he had to account for another nineteen fifty, he would have to talk exclusively month over month, thirty-three and a half hours long distance every month. And I'm like, I'm trying to talk to people at a party about this, because like I can't get it out of my head or whatever. So yeah, so I have this whole fuck, I thought you were fucking with me.

• 53:24Andrew Santino?

  I swear to God. I did it years ago, I stopped. My entry point was me saying, when I was young, when I was a teenager, I thought he was saying. The entry point was me talking about lyrics that you misunderstood when you were a kid that you now hear as an adult.

• 53:36Speaker 04

  Sure, sure.

• 53:36Andrew Santino?

  And so it was about another bit, but I use that as an example. The bit was really about, what song was it about? I wish I could remember now. This is a long time ago. But the, the entry point was, I thought he was saying, at one point I thought he said, fold bills about two G's flat, when I was a teenager. Meaning like he's got a wad of two G's.

• 53:54Speaker 04

  Right.

• 53:55Andrew Santino?

  Full bills about two G's flat. No need to worry my accountant, how's that? The lyric ironically kind of still works.

• 53:59Speaker 04

  Oh, it does, yeah.

• 54:00Andrew Santino?

  That was why when I was a teenager, I first had, saw that, or had heard it and thought that's what it was initially. Then as a few years went by, I learned what the lyric really was. So sometimes you hear something one way when you're a kid, then you hear it the second when you're older. And of course, the wraparound trick joke was a dirty lyric that I misinterpret, blah, blah, blah. You get it, you get it, you get it, yeah.

• 54:20Speaker 04

  Yeah, I picked up on some lyrics. Ace of Base, "All that she wants is another baby, she's gone tomorrow." So I'm like, all that she wants, that's all she wants.

• 54:28Andrew Santino?

  Everything.

• 54:29Speaker 04

  Because there's a lot of other things. This is all she wants, is another baby.

• 54:32Andrew Santino?

  She already has one.

• 54:33Speaker 04

  She has one. She's gone tomorrow. That's fast.

• 54:36Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, you gotta get it done.

• 54:37Speaker 04

  I said, I'm, I'm, I'm.

• 54:38Andrew Santino?

  Well, I hope she's ovulating.

• 54:39Speaker 04

  I'm dancing with my wife, I'm like, hon, don't make any sudden moves, but I think I'm grinding on you to a song about child abduction.

• 54:47Andrew Santino?

  That's a great bit. You do that now?

• 54:49Speaker 04

  I stopped doing that. I just extracted the biggie out of it. You like that one? Should I keep it back in?

• 54:54Andrew Santino?

  Why not?

• 54:55Speaker 04

  I felt like it was, I don't know, I felt kinda cheap doing song lyrics. So that's why I applied biggie to my ADHD.

• 55:00Andrew Santino?

  Cheap?

• 55:01Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 55:02Andrew Santino?

  No.

• 55:03Speaker 04

  I just felt like it was like-

• 55:04Andrew Santino?

  If it's funny, it's funny, it's funny.

• 55:05Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 55:05Andrew Santino?

  If it's funny-

• 55:06Speaker 04

  Sometimes I do that. I over, I over critique myself.

• 55:10Andrew Santino?

  For whom? The audience, all they want is something that's relatable and funny.

• 55:14Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 55:14Andrew Santino?

  They don't give a sh- If it takes them so far away from their reality, then it's harder to sell.

• 55:18Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 55:19Andrew Santino?

  But this is something that people are so akin to.

• 55:21Speaker 04

  Let me give you another one.

• 55:22Andrew Santino?

  Give it. I mean, truly.

• 55:24Speaker 04

  I love you.

• 55:25Andrew Santino?

  I love you.

• 55:26Speaker 04

  I miss you.

• 55:26Andrew Santino?

  You know, cause this is my mother, we have this conversation. My mom notoriously, shout out Mo Money. She deliberately doesn't listen to lyrics. She doesn't care, which I think is beautiful. So she would, she would go, um, "All that she is, is a gone away girl." It's unbelievable.

• 55:45Speaker 04

  I love that.

• 55:46Andrew Santino?

  She will take the melody and then, but, but you'll go-

• 55:50Speaker 04

  She snubs her nose at the lyrics.

• 55:51Andrew Santino?

  Dude, you'll go, Maureen, it's, it's, it's, "Oh, she wants another baby," and she'll go, "Ah, ah, ah." She's pissed that you tried to-

• 55:57Speaker 04

  Right, right, right.

• 55:57Andrew Santino?

  She'll go, "Shut up, shut up, shut up." And then you're annoying.

• 56:00Speaker 04

  Right, right.

• 56:01Andrew Santino?

  Because you're a nerd. You know, that's not the real, so when I do that, she fucks you off so hard, even though you're right, you're wrong.

• 56:07Speaker 04

  Right.

• 56:07Andrew Santino?

  Cause Maureen's already floating by.

• 56:09Speaker 04

  That's like, she's gotta force you.

• 56:10Andrew Santino?

  She's been doing that since I was a kid.

• 56:11Speaker 04

  That's amazing.

• 56:12Andrew Santino?

  She would do that all the time. It'd be like, uh, it would be like, my mom loved 80's music, like, loved 80's music. So I grew up with that, like, beaten to my brain.

• 56:21Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 56:21Andrew Santino?

  You know? So if it was like Billy Idol or something like that, you know, like I, what did, the other day we were joking, my wife and I, about, um, White Wedding, you know?

• 56:30Speaker 04

  I have a White Wedding story.

• 56:31Andrew Santino?

  Nice day for a white wedding. And then she'd say something like, "It's a nice day too." Dun-dah-dah! And you're like, "Start again."

• 56:41Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 56:41Andrew Santino?

  That is the work.

• 56:42Speaker 04

  It's right there, though.

• 56:42Andrew Santino?

  It's right there, but she refuses. You don't need it. Cause, "Yeah, it is gay!" It's just as fun.

• 56:49Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 56:49Andrew Santino?

  I did that today with my wife this morning, just to annoy her, where I was doing, uh, what? Um, uh- Never mind, I'll find someone like you. I was throwing in nonsense. And I could tell she was going, why are you making up?

• 57:04Speaker 04

  It's fun, though.

• 57:05Andrew Santino?

  But it's way more fun.

• 57:06Speaker 04

  It is way more fun. Q and I were once in a bar in Greenpoint, Brooklyn, after 4 a.m. This bar that was known to stay open late and you go and you knock and they open the door and someone told us about it. I only went that one night.

• 57:19Andrew Santino?

  Not Marty's?

• 57:20Speaker 04

  I don't, I won't remember the name. I don't remember it. But it was like, it was bottom of the barrel stuff.

• 57:24Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, gross, sad, weird, yes.

• 57:26Speaker 04

  Yeah, yeah, I wasn't know, but it was, you got in there and it was seedy. And there was no register. It was just like a, um, like a money box, like a cash box, you know? And there was a dog walking around in there. I swear to God.

• 57:37Andrew Santino?

  Always a loose dog.

• 57:38Speaker 04

  And it was like, you know, you looked around, you're like, oh, okay. Like, you didn't feel like you were gonna like, get killed or anything, but it didn't, you weren't at home, you know? And we threw in a five and we played White Wedding 18 times, because it was five for 18. Late, you know, what really got me, because I was gonna do a bit on it and then like years later, Malaney did a bit about like playing some song over and over at a diner or something like that.

• 58:03Andrew Santino?

  I don't remember.

• 58:04Speaker 04

  You know, and I was like, fuck, this is my real life experience. I can't do it. But, um, we played it 18 times and like, and he did the same thing, but what are you gonna do? But like, when people start, you know, people would draw this out, but like, third time, like what's going on? Fourth time, the place is getting annoyed. I think he did like the same exact thing, but like, literally somewhere in that, in that 18 song span, a female fight broke out.

• 58:30Andrew Santino?

  Oh my God.

• 58:31Speaker 04

  I swear to, I don't know if it was, I like to believe it was induced a little bit by Billy Idol's White Wedding, like the 18th time. But I love it. She took a swing and they would grab a hand and people separated him and she's like, fuck you bitch. She goes, come see me at Diamonds.

• 58:44Andrew Santino?

  Oh shit.

• 58:45Speaker 04

  I guess she was, she was at a place called Diamonds. And either that was in the district and she jewels, or it might have been a lady of the strip.

• 58:53Andrew Santino?

  The latter, yeah, I imagine. Or she could have doubled down. She could have had two jobs. The economy's tough.

• 58:56Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 58:57Andrew Santino?

  Diamonds are on the, you see me down in the jewelry district or a diamond strip club? I do both, bitch.

• 59:03Speaker 04

  Yeah, so, but White Wedding was the song, hey.

• 59:06Andrew Santino?

  Hey, see?

• 59:06Speaker 04

  I never have it turn on me.

• 59:07Andrew Santino?

  It hurts when it goes the other way.

• 59:09Speaker 04

  Let's take it easy.

• 59:09Andrew Santino?

  By the way, that's so funny. I have, I have.

• 59:11Speaker 04

  I'm not tumble.

• 59:11Andrew Santino?

  On my touch tunes. I think I have like a hundred and thirty dollars. And I don't know who the fuck did that. I'm not blaming Shane Gillis. But we were out and TouchTunes was live.

• 59:23Speaker 04

  What's TouchTunes?

• 59:24Andrew Santino?

  It's where you can pay through the app on your phone to play through the jukebox. TouchTunes is-

• 59:28Speaker 04

  Oh, like the internet jukebox?

• 59:30Andrew Santino?

  Yeah.

• 59:30Speaker 04

  Oh, they do that now? You don't have to get out of your seat?

• 59:32Andrew Santino?

  Oh, brother, it's the best. They have a fucking app.

• 59:35Speaker 04

  Oh, I didn't ever saw that.

• 59:36Andrew Santino?

  But that's also the worst, because your Apple Pay, you go, it goes, "Fill up for ten more bucks." You go, "Yeah, whatever." And I had my phone open so people could play music. Now, somebody took my fucking phone and bought a hundred and twenty-five dollars or whatever worth of credits on my phone, but I didn't notice until next morning.

• 59:52Speaker 04

  A hundred and twenty bucks?

• 59:53Andrew Santino?

  In credits. So now, I look, because I look at the receipt, my email, open my email the next morning, and I'm going through deleting emails, and I'm like, "TouchTunes."

• 1:00:02Andrew Santino?

  I already had like twenty bucks on that thing. A hundred and twenty-five bucks? But it's a funny bit.

• 1:00:06Speaker 04

  Yeah, no, it's funny.

• 1:00:07Andrew Santino?

  So now, I really gotta be a DJ. So I've gotta get back out to the bar and touch-tune it up.

• 1:00:11Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 1:00:12Andrew Santino?

  You've never seen this?

• 1:00:12Speaker 04

  I never saw the app.

• 1:00:14Andrew Santino?

  Oh, it's fantastic.

• 1:00:14Speaker 04

  Here's the thing, we had, in my bar that I ran, we had an old-school juke-

• 1:00:18Andrew Santino?

  TouchTunes, little purple, and look, this is the best part. It'll find, I'm promoting TouchTunes, but it'll find, hey, where's the closest one? You wanna go to this bar right there, has a TouchTunes.

• 1:00:27Speaker 04

  So you know where one is.

• 1:00:27Andrew Santino?

  Right, you head over to the Snug and go nuts.

• 1:00:29Speaker 04

  When I had, when I ran the bar that I had, we had an old-school jukebox. It was CDs.

• 1:00:34Andrew Santino?

  You had to change them.

• 1:00:35Speaker 04

  We had to change them.

• 1:00:36Andrew Santino?

  Yeah.

• 1:00:37Speaker 04

  But at the time, I was like, "Curated what was in there," but it was only a hundred, or whatever there was, right? We end up getting the, uh, well, wait.

• 1:00:45Speaker 06

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• 1:01:14Andrew Santino?

  What was that, buddy? A drink?

• 1:01:17Speaker 04

  I'm kidding.

• 1:01:18Andrew Santino?

  Oh, that's okay, yeah.

• 1:01:20Speaker 04

  We ended up getting the, uh, the online, like, that one, but it wasn't, didn't have an app yet. And it was terrible, because it lets you play anything. And like, I cultivated a certain feel in there, and then people would be coming in and put like, Celine Dion on. And no, God bless her, but like-

• 1:01:34Andrew Santino?

  I was just gonna say, Celine's a friend of the show.

• 1:01:37Speaker 04

  She's a national treasure.

• 1:01:38Andrew Santino?

  Well, she's not our now, she's Canadian, so-

• 1:01:40Speaker 04

  Yeah, but she's, I said she's a national, I didn't say our, I said a.

• 1:01:43Andrew Santino?

  She's not one of ours.

• 1:01:45Speaker 04

  So, um, and so it would like, kinda ruin the vibe, and so I like, had to, I just, I disassembled, I unplugged it, and I, then I just bought an iPod. And then I just played everything for years. I lost money, but I kept the vibe.

• 1:01:57Andrew Santino?

  Kept the vibe.

• 1:01:57Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 1:01:58Andrew Santino?

  Money is not as important as a vibe.

• 1:01:59Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 1:01:59Andrew Santino?

  And by the way, this, Touch Tunes does sing something deliberately, they do kind of, they let you search, and not everything is on there.

• 1:02:05Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 1:02:05Andrew Santino?

  I'm assuming this is licensing issues, right? Uh, greedy, greedy, greedy industry, but, but they shift stuff to you, they'll put you front page on stuff and go, hey, this is half the tokens. If you play this, because they're trying to, they're trying to lead you to play the songs that they would like to be played. I don't like it either, don't influence me. I go rogue. I go really rogue.

• 1:02:24Speaker 04

  Yeah, yeah.

• 1:02:25Andrew Santino?

  I go like, uh, uh, uh, what's it, Michael McDonald?

• 1:02:30Speaker 04

  That's rogue to you?

• 1:02:31Andrew Santino?

  That's rogue.

• 1:02:32Speaker 04

  That's where I live, baby.

• 1:02:33Andrew Santino?

  That is rogue.

• 1:02:34Speaker 04

  That's where I live. What do you go? (singing) You don't know me, but I'm your bro.

• 1:02:39Andrew Santino?

  That's pretty good.

• 1:02:40Speaker 04

  Yeah, are you taking it to the streets, or are you doing what?

• 1:02:42Andrew Santino?

  Taking it to the streets.

• 1:02:43Speaker 04

  We're not in love anymore.

• 1:02:45Andrew Santino?

  Dude, I had a terrible bit that I, for my SNL audition, not when I went to New York, but when I have submitted my tape. One of them-

• 1:02:53Speaker 04

  It was this recent, or?

• 1:02:54Andrew Santino?

  Oh, no, this is a decade ago.

• 1:02:55Speaker 04

  I was gonna say, you don't need to do that right now.

• 1:02:58Andrew Santino?

  I did, I'm doing it now. Actually, I do kinda need it. Uh, let's talk off camera. But, but I, but I, but I auditioned, and I sent in the tape, and they loved, when they, when they called me to New York to, to go audition live- The one thing, um, the coordinator was like, you don't need to do that Michael McDonald bit. Cause I don't do impressions.

• 1:03:17Speaker 04

  Oh, you did a bit?

• 1:03:18Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, well, I do, I did all, I did all characters, right? So I don't, I told them, I said, I don't do impressions, you're not gonna get impressions.

• 1:03:24Speaker 04

  Oh, you do, oh, characters.

• 1:03:24Andrew Santino?

  I do characters. Like, I can, I can impersonate an idea of a person.

• 1:03:28Speaker 04

  Yes, yes, you can.

• 1:03:29Andrew Santino?

  But like a celebrity to me, I don't, not, it's, I'm not, honestly, I'm not interested. I know that sounds weird, but it's like, I don't give a fuck about impersonating.

• 1:03:35Speaker 04

  Oh, I'm not good at it.

• 1:03:36Andrew Santino?

  I like.

• 1:03:37Speaker 04

  If I was as good as Adam Ray, I'd be doing it all the time.

• 1:03:39Andrew Santino?

  Well, right, he, that's what he does. But I mean, people, I can do a person I've seen or met.

• 1:03:43Speaker 04

  For sure.

• 1:03:43Andrew Santino?

  But anyway, I, the only one thing I did was I threw in a Michael McDonald impression. And it was so bad, but I left it in because it made me laugh. And I thought, they'll think it's cute. They were like, don't, please don't do that one.

• 1:03:55Speaker 04

  Wow.

• 1:03:56Andrew Santino?

  That one is not gonna work out. But it was Michael McDonald in a drive-through. Michael McDonald at McDonald's. And that's, it was just at a drive-through, him going, "I'll take a number two with a diet coke."

• 1:04:08Speaker 04

  That's good.

• 1:04:08Andrew Santino?

  Dude, it was so fast.

• 1:04:09Speaker 04

  It's good.

• 1:04:10Andrew Santino?

  But I did it because it made me laugh.

• 1:04:11Speaker 04

  Yes.

• 1:04:12Andrew Santino?

  But they were like, don't do that.

• 1:04:13Speaker 04

  It's fun to me.

• 1:04:14Andrew Santino?

  I thought it was stupid. Because, right?

• 1:04:18Speaker 04

  They went out in their way.

• 1:04:19Andrew Santino?

  They were like, please don't bring that. Don't bring that bullshit.

• 1:04:22Speaker 04

  That's a clunker.

• 1:04:23Andrew Santino?

  But I, but I did it because when I was organizing the jokes, when I was writing them, Nikki, with Nick, Nick, Nick was like my bouncing board, one of my old buddies. I was like, writing bits, and I was like, do you like this bit, do you like this bit?

• 1:04:33Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 1:04:34Andrew Santino?

  And that one, he, we were both like, we were dying laughing.

• 1:04:36Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 1:04:36Andrew Santino?

  Because it's so stupid. But they deliberately.

• 1:04:39Speaker 04

  Maybe you gotta be a Michael McDonald fan, I don't know.

• 1:04:41Andrew Santino?

  Well, it's just, I think the idea is that it's just such a dumb idea.

• 1:04:45Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 1:04:45Andrew Santino?

  That it's fun because it's bad.

• 1:04:47Speaker 04

  Yeah, no, I, I like that.

• 1:04:48Andrew Santino?

  Bad fun.

• 1:04:48Speaker 04

  Yes, bad fun, yeah.

• 1:04:49Andrew Santino?

  "I'll take a..." We were doing it all day. And then I thought, I gotta submit this. Sure enough. Tell Andrew we loved it, can't wait to see him in New York. Can the Michael McDonald bit? Don't bring that shit to New York.

• 1:05:02Speaker 04

  We used to do, um, you, you, uh, you mentioned the, the bit of, uh, you think Shane did, you don't know if Shane did that to you, that one?

• 1:05:08Andrew Santino?

  No, I don't, I'm not blaming Shane.

• 1:05:09Speaker 04

  My buddy.

• 1:05:09Andrew Santino?

  No, but I'm saying someone in our crew did that, and I don't know who did it. And no one will ever fucking tell me.

• 1:05:14Speaker 04

  My buddy, uh, we used to, so famously, like, uh, like if we'd go out to eat or whatever, separate checks or whatever, but like, he would always like, just get his bill, and like, never look at it. He'd just sign it and just leave. And so, like.

• 1:05:28Andrew Santino?

  No tip?

• 1:05:29Speaker 04

  No, no, he would tip.

• 1:05:30Andrew Santino?

  Oh, oh, oh.

• 1:05:30Speaker 04

  But I just mean like, he never looked at the, he, he just would do it quickly, like, did. He never really cared about like what it was, he just.

• 1:05:36Andrew Santino?

  The line items didn't matter to him.

• 1:05:38Speaker 04

  No, no, no, he just did it and he would leave and uh. Every time, every time there was an opportunity over the course of like, there was, there's a game that three of us were doing with my other friend, we would see who can cost him the most money. So, no, what I was, he never, sorry, he never looked at his credit card statements.

• 1:05:55Andrew Santino?

  Oh, okay, okay.

• 1:05:56Speaker 04

  He just never checked like his bills versus what they were or whatever. And so when he would sign his stuff and we'd get up to go or he'd go to the bathroom, whatever it was at the end of the thing, we'd take the pen and change the tip. So if he wrote like 10, we'd change it to 20 or 30 or whatever. And the game was to keep a cumulative tally of who could steal as much, take as much money from him. So, so like.

• 1:06:17Andrew Santino?

  It's like the best version of Robin Hood.

• 1:06:18Speaker 04

  It's a, dude, I mean, we got to the point when, when it got like, when it finally was like really getting down the stretch.

• 1:06:24Andrew Santino?

  Yeah.

• 1:06:24Speaker 04

  We got to where if he left 10, we made it 110, dude.

• 1:06:27Andrew Santino?

  Oh, that's funny. That's very mean.

• 1:06:29Speaker 04

  And we, we, and then then.

• 1:06:30Andrew Santino?

  He's like a hundred and ten dollars at Chipotle?

• 1:06:31Speaker 04

  He didn't check.

• 1:06:32Andrew Santino?

  Yeah.

• 1:06:33Speaker 04

  And this was, that was to teach him a lesson, which he did.

• 1:06:36Andrew Santino?

  Finally, he found out. He finally got mad.

• 1:06:38Speaker 04

  We told him one day and he flipped out. But I'll tell you what they did to me one time, same, same three guys, the guy, same three guys, the guys from my show. So we went out to eat one night and I went to the bathroom at the end of this meal and they all fucking left. They left and I came back out, it was a fucking $600 bill.

• 1:06:52Andrew Santino?

  That's great.

• 1:06:53Speaker 04

  And I, they weren't at the table and I was like, haha, like they're gonna come. At first I sat down like, oh, I guess everybody went to the bathroom? And then I was sitting there for like a couple of minutes and I was like, okay. And then I was like, oh, maybe they're like, they got up and they're talking to the chef, I don't know. So I went and looked, they weren't there. And then I'm like, I went into the parking lot and looked, all their cars are gone. I'm like, those fucking dicks. And it was 600.

• 1:07:15Andrew Santino?

  That's fantastic. You deserve that though.

• 1:07:16Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 1:07:17Andrew Santino?

  Because this is, you give and you, you give and you take. You give, you give.

• 1:07:21Speaker 04

  I give.

• 1:07:21Andrew Santino?

  Then you must take.

• 1:07:22Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 1:07:22Andrew Santino?

  I almost had the moment today, you know, when somebody doesn't finish signing out of their thing on the flip pad on the iPad? And she was sweet, her, her attitude was nice. So when she walked away, I walked up to her and I said, "Excuse me, you didn't finish the, you didn't close out."

• 1:07:35Speaker 04

  On what?

• 1:07:36Andrew Santino?

  You know, you tapped to pay at a coffee shop.

• 1:07:38Speaker 04

  Oh, coffee shop, yeah, yeah.

• 1:07:38Andrew Santino?

  She didn't sign the thing and, and pick the tip.

• 1:07:41Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 1:07:41Andrew Santino?

  It's not done.

• 1:07:42Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 1:07:42Andrew Santino?

  You know, this happens. You're not done.

• 1:07:44Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 1:07:44Andrew Santino?

  And I walked up to her and I said, "Excuse me, you didn't..." She goes, "Oh, my God, thank you."

• 1:07:47Speaker 04

  Well, you're a good person.

• 1:07:49Andrew Santino?

  No, but I have before, I'm not gonna lie.

• 1:07:51Speaker 04

  What'd you do?

• 1:07:52Andrew Santino?

  I've, I've had someone like storm out and fuck off, or whatever, their vibe is whatever, and they've left it undone, and I've over-tipped on them.

• 1:07:59Speaker 04

  Get, that's maybe illegal.

• 1:08:02Andrew Santino?

  It is, fuck 'em.

• 1:08:03Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 1:08:03Andrew Santino?

  Fuck 'em.

• 1:08:04Speaker 04

  Wow.

• 1:08:04Andrew Santino?

  What are they gonna do?

• 1:08:05Speaker 04

  Wow.

• 1:08:06Andrew Santino?

  What are you gonna do? Also, their restaurant's happier. I even tell the girl, I'm like, "Well, I'll tip for them," and they're like, "I don't think, I, I don't think you can do that." I'm like, "Watch me do it right now."

• 1:08:13Speaker 04

  Wow.

• 1:08:13Andrew Santino?

  I just gave you 20 bucks.

• 1:08:14Speaker 04

  I wonder if they call back though, there, and then have to give that place the business of the day.

• 1:08:17Andrew Santino?

  That guy's not gonna see it.

• 1:08:18Speaker 04

  Okay.

• 1:08:18Andrew Santino?

  And if he is, he can go fuck himself.

• 1:08:19Speaker 04

  Alright.

• 1:08:20Andrew Santino?

  They'll go, "Sir, you signed out. We have your signature on the pad."

• 1:08:23Speaker 04

  Wow.

• 1:08:23Andrew Santino?

  That's not my signature. It looks like yours, sir.

• 1:08:26Speaker 04

  Okay.

• 1:08:27Andrew Santino?

  Yeah.

• 1:08:27Speaker 04

  Alright.

• 1:08:28Andrew Santino?

  That guy can go fuck himself. You finish. You don't finish, I'm, this is a rule to you. If you're in front of me in line and you don't finish, I'm over-tipping. The staff is gonna be excited to see me.

• 1:08:35Speaker 04

  Look out.

• 1:08:36Andrew Santino?

  Look out.

• 1:08:37Speaker 04

  You know what I, you know what I have a massive anxiety attack now, when I like leave a hotel and forget to sign out of my Netflix? Or something like that. I just feel like I'm so vulnerable.

• 1:08:45Andrew Santino?

  Why do you sign in in the first place?

• 1:08:47Speaker 04

  Oh, to watch Netflix.

• 1:08:48Andrew Santino?

  That's insane.

• 1:08:49Speaker 04

  What do you mean? Why would I, what do you mean, why do I sign in?

• 1:08:51Andrew Santino?

  You do what the rest of us do. You just lay in bed and put it on your iPad.

• 1:08:55Speaker 04

  What's that?

• 1:08:55Andrew Santino?

  You lay in bed with your iPad like the rest of us do.

• 1:08:57Speaker 04

  Yeah, I do do that.

• 1:08:58Andrew Santino?

  I don't even wanna touch the remote.

• 1:08:59Speaker 04

  I do do that, but when I'm in a place for longer than a day and I'm like really kinda settling, I'm nesting.

• 1:09:05Andrew Santino?

  Hey, can I give you another tip?

• 1:09:05Speaker 04

  You know, if I'm on vacation, for example.

• 1:09:07Andrew Santino?

  Can I give you a better tip?

• 1:09:07Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 1:09:09Andrew Santino?

  Get yourself a, uh, Apple TV.

• 1:09:12Speaker 04

  Yeah, I got it.

• 1:09:12Andrew Santino?

  Tiny Tim. Throw it in your backpack, plug it into the TV.

• 1:09:17Speaker 04

  You don't wanna be bothered logging in, but you will carry a whole nother piece of hardware with you?

• 1:09:22Andrew Santino?

  It's this big, Tiny Tiny Tim. It's Tiny Tim. Tiny Tim. And also, then I don't-

• 1:09:26Speaker 04

  And now you're dealing with HDMI cables.

• 1:09:28Andrew Santino?

  Easy money, comes with it.

• 1:09:29Speaker 04

  Let me tell you something right now. You think, you think I haven't been here? You think I haven't tried to hook something up to a hotel television? I'm telling you right now, seven out of-

• 1:09:35Andrew Santino?

  At the hotels, they say that they always are hook upable.

• 1:09:37Speaker 04

  Seven out of 10 times, some- Sometimes it doesn't come off the wall. And now you're under there and you're pushing it and you feel like you might break the thing.

• 1:09:43Andrew Santino?

  What hotels are you staying at?

• 1:09:44Speaker 04

  You're feeling back there for the HDMI. Sometimes I see the HDMI and I'm trying to my best to get my hand in between the wall, but there's not a lot of slack. I push it through and now blindly I'm trying to line up the HDMI with the other HDMI. It's a whole to do and I think it's easier to sign into Netflix ultimately is what I'm getting at.

• 1:10:01Andrew Santino?

  Anxiety of not signing out. I'd rather just deal with the HDMI.

• 1:10:05Speaker 04

  But has that happened to you?

• 1:10:06Andrew Santino?

  To sign in?

• 1:10:07Speaker 04

  Sign in and not sign out?

• 1:10:08Andrew Santino?

  Never signed in.

• 1:10:09Speaker 04

  Oh wow, well, don't because I tell you, I don't know why.

• 1:10:11Andrew Santino?

  Refuse.

• 1:10:12Speaker 04

  I don't know why it makes me feel, because I, I don't really know. I'm like, can they go into settings and then see like? My credit card, like my home address or like my proclivities maybe. I don't know what they could see. Because they store everything Netflix.

• 1:10:24Andrew Santino?

  They do.

• 1:10:24Speaker 04

  Yeah, so if you go into settings, it'll, it might, it might say like, they could see your password or they could see your credit card information. Or they could see your sexual preferences, or they could see like old photos, embarrassing old photos and.

• 1:10:36Andrew Santino?

  Netflix doesn't store those anymore.

• 1:10:37Speaker 04

  Alright.

• 1:10:37Andrew Santino?

  They gave those away. But I will say that your anxiety can be easily solved by flicking it to the TV. Flick it. I've also never, almost never stayed in a hotel where you can't plug it in. I don't know this. On the wall thing, it's, it's bananas.

• 1:10:49Speaker 04

  Yeah, sometimes you can't get it off the wall.

• 1:10:51Andrew Santino?

  Almost always they come off.

• 1:10:53Speaker 04

  You keep living your life, I'll keep living mine.

• 1:10:55Andrew Santino?

  I'm telling you, well, yours, and when you're getting paid, paid in dividends negatively, you get no TVs off the wall and you're getting shitty views. And this again is your disposition. I get good views, TVs are always wobbling. It's always coming off. Don't, please don't. Oh no, it's taking a mind of its own.

• 1:11:12Speaker 04

  That was, that was everything I had not to hit you.

• 1:11:17Andrew Santino?

  Are you red eyeing tonight?

• 1:11:18Speaker 04

  Tomorrow night.

• 1:11:19Andrew Santino?

  What, are you doing shows tonight?

• 1:11:20Speaker 04

  No.

• 1:11:21Andrew Santino?

  You're just hanging?

• 1:11:22Speaker 04

  I got one more thing after this, then I'm around. I'm, I'm, and I'm, I've been seeing who's up and who's down.

• 1:11:27Andrew Santino?

  Are you allowed to tell me what's after this?

• 1:11:29Speaker 04

  I could tell you.

• 1:11:30Andrew Santino?

  What do you got to do?

• 1:11:30Speaker 04

  I'm doing Matan.

• 1:11:32Andrew Santino?

  Oh, the kid?

• 1:11:33Speaker 04

  Yeah, I've done it before.

• 1:11:34Andrew Santino?

  Oh, you did?

• 1:11:34Speaker 04

  Yeah, yeah.

• 1:11:34Andrew Santino?

  He did ours, he did Bad Friends.

• 1:11:36Speaker 04

  Yeah, how'd he do?

• 1:11:37Andrew Santino?

  It was great. You know what the funny thing was?

• 1:11:38Speaker 04

  Oh, he's done Bad Friends? Oh, cool.

• 1:11:39Andrew Santino?

  Yeah. Oh.

• 1:11:41Speaker 04

  I've never done it. Can't believe that. All the years you've been doing it.

• 1:11:44Andrew Santino?

  Well, can I tell you why?

• 1:11:46Speaker 04

  Please, go ahead.

• 1:11:48Andrew Santino?

  We don't want you on the show. No, no, no, he's getting his head. No, we were supposed to do it, but I'm sad Bobby's in, uh, where's he at, Milwaukee?

• 1:11:55Speaker 04

  We'll do it again.

• 1:11:56Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, no, he's in Milwaukee. What are you doing over there?

• 1:12:01Andrew Santino?

  God, you're a fucking idiot.

• 1:12:04Andrew Santino?

  He wants a raise.

• 1:12:05Speaker 04

  We'll talk about it.

• 1:12:07Andrew Santino?

  The Matan kid, we had him on Bad Friends. And we caught shit for it because people were like. They were. They were like, oh, they're being. Being rude or mean to him or he's. Whatever. We were playing into his bit.

• 1:12:20Speaker 04

  That's the whole thing, yeah.

• 1:12:20Andrew Santino?

  I know, but people are very annoying. People are annoying, not stupid, people are annoying.

• 1:12:25Speaker 04

  You said it, you said stupid.

• 1:12:26Andrew Santino?

  I was going to.

• 1:12:26Speaker 04

  Your listeners are stupid.

• 1:12:28Andrew Santino?

  No, your listeners are stupid.

• 1:12:29Speaker 04

  Play it back.

• 1:12:30Andrew Santino?

  No, no, no, no.

• 1:12:31Speaker 04

  Yes.

• 1:12:32Andrew Santino?

  Your listeners are stupid.

• 1:12:33Speaker 04

  You know what, do an AI thing, have Celine Dion sing it back. Was that something, I don't know, I just threw something at the wall. It wasn't good.

• 1:12:38Andrew Santino?

  Shoot again. No, no, no, no, no, keep that hand down.

• 1:12:43Speaker 04

  What are you doing, what are you around, what are you doing?

• 1:12:44Andrew Santino?

  I gotta do a show.

• 1:12:45Speaker 04

  You gotta fly tomorrow, what time?

• 1:12:47Andrew Santino?

  First thing in the morning.

• 1:12:48Speaker 04

  Oh, you do?

• 1:12:49Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, I'm flying in the morning. But I mean, what, who cares? Why, you're gonna go out and go have fun, you're gonna be a bad boy?

• 1:12:54Speaker 04

  I don't really go out.

• 1:12:55Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, you do. Well, your family's not here, you're solo.

• 1:12:58Speaker 04

  Yeah, I can't.

• 1:12:59Andrew Santino?

  What, are you gonna go back to the hotel at 10? You'll be back by 10 o'clock in bed by 10?

• 1:13:03Speaker 04

  You mean like last night?

• 1:13:04Andrew Santino?

  Were you?

• 1:13:04Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 1:13:05Andrew Santino?

  Wow.

• 1:13:06Speaker 04

  Yeah, I'm back there just signing into the Netflix.

• 1:13:10Andrew Santino?

  Just don't forget, I'm gonna text you tomorrow and go, don't forget to sign out.

• 1:13:12Speaker 04

  Tonight, um, tonight I'm supposed to like, see if I don't feel like I hit a wall, like maybe just, I'll, maybe I'll. I'll be about town, like, I'll do a dinner. I mean, you don't tell me what the good time, if you want to do a dinner again, I'll do a dinner, I don't care. But I'm not trying to put you on the spot because all your, all your listeners now are listening and your viewers are viewing.

• 1:13:30Andrew Santino?

  Yeah.

• 1:13:31Speaker 04

  And so if you say to me now that, you know, you want to go to a dinner now. You can't bail after that, so.

• 1:13:36Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, but how long is your other interview gonna be?

• 1:13:38Speaker 04

  Uh, be done by 8.

• 1:13:40Andrew Santino?

  Then it's 8:30 by the time you get there, we're eating at 9?

• 1:13:43Speaker 04

  Yeah. Listen to me.

• 1:13:47Andrew Santino?

  Something about a 9:00 PM dinner gets me a little.

• 1:13:50Speaker 04

  Me too, I'm like, I'm like, me too.

• 1:13:52Andrew Santino?

  That's past the.

• 1:13:53Speaker 04

  Me too, but you just told me to go out and go.

• 1:13:56Andrew Santino?

  I know, but not to start eating at 9.

• 1:13:58Speaker 04

  Start eating at 9, yeah, you don't have this physique because you eat at 9. What do you stop eating at what, 4 with that physique?

• 1:14:04Andrew Santino?

  2 o'clock.

• 1:14:05Speaker 04

  2 o'clock is dinner, dinner for you.

• 1:14:07Andrew Santino?

  I drink water until I go to bed.

• 1:14:08Speaker 04

  What time you eat breakfast?

• 1:14:09Andrew Santino?

  I don't eat breakfast.

• 1:14:10Speaker 04

  Okay, so just 2 o'clock dinner, water for the rest of the day.

• 1:14:13Andrew Santino?

  Water all day.

• 1:14:13Speaker 04

  And then I can look like you?

• 1:14:15Andrew Santino?

  No.

• 1:14:16Speaker 04

  Hmm.

• 1:14:16Andrew Santino?

  There's a lot of other things involved, yeah.

• 1:14:18Speaker 04

  What other things?

• 1:14:19Andrew Santino?

  Well, we're in Hollywood.

• 1:14:20Speaker 04

  Okay.

• 1:14:21Andrew Santino?

  So I'll drink baby blood every first Tuesday of the month.

• 1:14:24Speaker 04

  Okay.

• 1:14:25Andrew Santino?

  And, did we get that order in?

• 1:14:27Speaker 04

  And now you have a supplier?

• 1:14:30Andrew Santino?

  Yeah.

• 1:14:30Speaker 04

  You have a guy. Okay.

• 1:14:32Andrew Santino?

  I mean, I've been here for 20 years.

• 1:14:35Speaker 04

  Okay, okay.

• 1:14:35Andrew Santino?

  Everybody has a guy.

• 1:14:36Speaker 04

  I only come like every once in a while, so I've never.

• 1:14:38Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, there's a pizza parlor on Hollywood Boulevard that you have to go to to get it. By the way, this will get clipped and used in Illuminati like.

• 1:14:46Speaker 04

  It will.

• 1:14:46Andrew Santino?

  And they're joking about it publicly. They're not even pretending to hide it. It's fucking insane. We're living in a, we're living in.

• 1:14:56Speaker 04

  That AI voice that they do?

• 1:14:57Andrew Santino?

  Oh, my God.

• 1:14:58Speaker 04

  Yeah, like they're, like they're, that reads the things like comedian.

• 1:15:01Andrew Santino?

  And they're joking about it out loud, publicly.

• 1:15:06Speaker 04

  I love when they do that. They try to do a clickbait and it's like something and they put like some ominous music under it, but nothing bad is happening. And people are like, all right, nice try with the music, but we're like, you're not gonna get us to believe this.

• 1:15:18Andrew Santino?

  It is, we are gonna get to a place now. Context is gone, nuance is gone. All of this stuff that we've said on these shows for the past 10 years we've been doing podcasts, 10, 15 years. It was 100% gonna be used against us. There's no doubt in my mind. At this point, there's no doubt that they will use this against us in some fashion.

• 1:15:40Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 1:15:41Andrew Santino?

  We've talked too much.

• 1:15:42Speaker 05

  Media literacy is dead.

• 1:15:43Andrew Santino?

  Media literacy is dead. Thank you, McCon. He just took a class.

• 1:15:46Speaker 04

  At the buzzer, he comes in with something that profound.

• 1:15:48Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, he says that daily.

• 1:15:50Speaker 04

  Praise that you just got something stuck on your arm. You dropped a water bottle.

• 1:15:52Andrew Santino?

  Right, he's got a tattoo of Che.

• 1:15:54Speaker 04

  Comes in strong at the end.

• 1:15:54Andrew Santino?

  He's got a tattoo of Che Guevara on his arm, too.

• 1:15:57Speaker 04

  Do you?

• 1:15:57Andrew Santino?

  No.

• 1:15:58Speaker 04

  Oh, okay.

• 1:15:58Andrew Santino?

  No, but he's a college guy.

• 1:16:00Speaker 04

  Che, Che, Che.

• 1:16:02Andrew Santino?

  I don't think you know that guy. But what I wanna say is, yes, if you do, if you get on time, at least let's come say hi. I don't know if I can eat at nine, but just come say hi.

• 1:16:10Speaker 04

  Where are you gonna be?

• 1:16:10Andrew Santino?

  In a store.

• 1:16:11Speaker 04

  Okay. What time you going over there?

• 1:16:13Andrew Santino?

  I think my spot is at 9:15.

• 1:16:16Speaker 04

  Okay. I'll K I T with it.

• 1:16:17Andrew Santino?

  But afterwards, but afterwards, I'm, we can just do whatever.

• 1:16:20Speaker 04

  Oh, yeah?

• 1:16:20Andrew Santino?

  I won't eat, but we can go hang.

• 1:16:21Speaker 04

  Yeah?

• 1:16:22Andrew Santino?

  If you wanna do that.

• 1:16:23Speaker 04

  Yeah. I, I, I, we'll do it like this. I'll just keep in touch with you as soon as that's over and let you know how I'm feeling and let you know the deal is.

• 1:16:28Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, and if you feel like coming, fine. If not, fine.

• 1:16:30Speaker 04

  I might be with a couple of buddies.

• 1:16:33Andrew Santino?

  Nope.

• 1:16:33Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 1:16:34Andrew Santino?

  No, you'll have to drop that weight. That'll have to go. Nah.

• 1:16:37Speaker 04

  Not, no, not just the guy that hit your car. But like

• 1:16:40Andrew Santino?

  Yeah.

• 1:16:40Speaker 04

  I I might be with a couple of other pals, I don't know.

• 1:16:43Andrew Santino?

  The door dinger?

• 1:16:44Speaker 04

  Yeah, I try to, you know, when I come in and out, I try and see everyone I can.

• 1:16:47Andrew Santino?

  It's so hard.

• 1:16:48Speaker 04

  In a minute, you know, so.

• 1:16:49Andrew Santino?

  It's impossible.

• 1:16:49Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 1:16:50Andrew Santino?

  But you're doing your best.

• 1:16:51Speaker 04

  Yeah, I am doing it.

• 1:16:51Andrew Santino?

  And that's the name of his tour, Doing My Best.

• 1:16:54Speaker 04

  Everything's Fine.

• 1:16:55Andrew Santino?

  Everything's Fine.

• 1:16:55Speaker 04

  Yes.

• 1:16:56Andrew Santino?

  It's one and the same, really.

• 1:16:57Speaker 04

  Everything's Fine Tour.

• 1:16:57Andrew Santino?

  Everything's Fine Tour is available, uh, tickets are on sale right now, please go see Sal Live. He is, uh, one of the funniest, sweetest, caring, uh, and also true comedians that I know.

• 1:17:09Speaker 04

  Uh. Thank you, buddy.

• 1:17:10Andrew Santino?

  Truly. And his, uh, website is, uh, Sal Volcano.

• 1:17:14Speaker 04

  Comedy.

• 1:17:14Andrew Santino?

  Comedy dot com.

• 1:17:15Speaker 04

  Yeah, I got, I got.

• 1:17:16Andrew Santino?

  Which annoys me, you guys are, there's a bunch of you guys that have the comedy, but you can't, Sal Volcano was not taken.

• 1:17:19Speaker 04

  Somebody took it.

• 1:17:20Andrew Santino?

  How could that be?

• 1:17:21Speaker 04

  Well, I'm a very, I'm a huge.

• 1:17:23Andrew Santino?

  You knew who took it from you.

• 1:17:23Speaker 04

  Huge.

• 1:17:24Andrew Santino?

  Well, that name is so Guido, you know who took that from you.

• 1:17:26Speaker 04

  The guy with the.

• 1:17:27Andrew Santino?

  That's it.

• 1:17:27Speaker 04

  Yeah, he came back.

• 1:17:28Andrew Santino?

  He took it.

• 1:17:28Speaker 04

  I got some big.

• 1:17:29Andrew Santino?

  That's it, I'll fucking block his career.

• 1:17:32Speaker 04

  Um, I got the Chicago Theater on the November fourteenth coming up, so, I mean, I need.

• 1:17:36Andrew Santino?

  Chicago, come out, show out.

• 1:17:38Speaker 04

  Tell them, because you're the guy.

• 1:17:39Andrew Santino?

  November fourteenth, Chicago Theater, go see my boy. By the way, I'm coming back to Chicago Theater next year, but.

• 1:17:44Speaker 04

  We'll be doing it one at a time.

• 1:17:44Andrew Santino?

  I don't know when, no, no, no. I haven't planned it yet, but they, but we're trying to get a date in the books for next year, but I'm nowhere near ready to go do theaters again.

• 1:17:51Speaker 04

  Okay.

• 1:17:52Andrew Santino?

  I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm not there.

• 1:17:54Speaker 04

  You just, you're all over the place.

• 1:17:56Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, mentally, physically, I know, I thought about that, a woman, I was working on this thing and this, the good, this girl came up to me very sweetly and said, so I see you're eating alone, would you like to join us? It was a very sweet gesture.

• 1:18:05Speaker 04

  Wow.

• 1:18:06Andrew Santino?

  And, uh.

• 1:18:07Speaker 04

  Good for that person.

• 1:18:08Andrew Santino?

  I said, no, no, thank you, I'm okay, thank you, though, but what I wanted to say was, if you heard what was going on inside this head, you'd know I'm very much not alone. I really wanted to, because as she asked me that, I jokingly in my mind said, we're not alone. We're not alone, my dear. You may think I'm alone, but this thing is spinning like wild.

• 1:18:29Speaker 04

  Nice.

• 1:18:29Andrew Santino?

  But it was very nice of her, shout out to that girlfriend, it was very sweet and polite and all, and it also made me feel like high school again, like the.

• 1:18:35Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 1:18:35Andrew Santino?

  Like a high school movie where it's like, I see you're eating alone, come join our table.

• 1:18:38Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 1:18:39Andrew Santino?

  You know, um, which, which never happened to me, I will say, I was very lucky, I always got a table, I always got a spot at the table.

• 1:18:45Speaker 04

  Yeah, I had my table.

• 1:18:45Andrew Santino?

  Wasn't a cool table.

• 1:18:46Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 1:18:47Andrew Santino?

  It was our table.

• 1:18:48Speaker 04

  Yeah, but it was ours.

• 1:18:49Andrew Santino?

  It was ours.

• 1:18:50Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 1:18:50Andrew Santino?

  Oh, very quickly, I'll say this story, this reminded me of a traumatic moment in high school. This was the craziest thing I've ever seen. There were fights would break out in the cafeteria sometimes. And everybody would stand up, "Oh shit", and it would be hell. And one time there was a fight, and it was crazy, and it was like, I mean, you saw, this dude was like boom, boom, and there was someone down on a table, and people stand up, you can't see who he's punching, I mean, he's throwing haymakers from up here. It's fucking 12 o'clock, 6 o'clock, it was nuts, it was like bam bam. And everyone's like, "Holy shit, holy shit", and then uh, uh, did, uh, one of the gym teachers comes, and a teacher comes, and they fucking rip him apart, and they ripped this guy by, like a, like a lion with its baby, just rips him by the, the chunk of his neck. And then they pulled this other person up, and it was a girl.

• 1:19:35Speaker 04

  Oh my god, I did not see that coming.

• 1:19:38Andrew Santino?

  Me neither.

• 1:19:38Speaker 04

  Oh my god.

• 1:19:39Andrew Santino?

  Literally audibly, the, everyone was like, "Oh", like, cause no one could tell who the fi- you can't see who the fight is.

• 1:19:44Speaker 04

  What the hell was going on there?

• 1:19:45Andrew Santino?

  You know, honestly, it was just a dispute.

• 1:19:52Andrew Santino?

  I tried to hold it. Honestly, I, I don't know the two people that fought, I never knew who they were, our school was quite big. I didn't know these humans.

• 1:19:59Speaker 04

  I went to an all-boys, I just, I wasn't even, in my head, there wasn't even, and a girl wasn't an option.

• 1:20:03Andrew Santino?

  Wasn't even an option. But I couldn't believe, uh, when they lifted this girl up, I thought, "Oh my god",

• 1:20:09Speaker 04

  Oh my god.

• 1:20:09Andrew Santino?

  What did she say?

• 1:20:11Speaker 04

  But you didn't get the download after this?

• 1:20:13Andrew Santino?

  We didn't know these people, these were, it was a, it was a, um, uh, sophomore, you know.

• 1:20:20Speaker 04

  Okay, they weren't in your class?

• 1:20:21Andrew Santino?

  No, yeah, and brother, we were huge, my high school was like 3,000 kids.

• 1:20:25Speaker 04

  Oh, mine was 300.

• 1:20:26Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, I would've never.

• 1:20:27Speaker 04

  No, 1,200, 300 in my grade, yeah.

• 1:20:28Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, I would've never known.

• 1:20:29Speaker 04

  Okay.

• 1:20:30Andrew Santino?

  There's people that I went to school with that say they knew me, and I still don't remember that I know them, and that's not a disrespect. I was like, I don't, I guess I don't remember.

• 1:20:37Speaker 04

  For sure.

• 1:20:37Andrew Santino?

  I don't remember much, cause high school was mostly alcohol and drugs.

• 1:20:40Speaker 04

  Was it really?

• 1:20:41Andrew Santino?

  For me.

• 1:20:41Speaker 04

  Oh, I was way late, late with that.

• 1:20:43Andrew Santino?

  I know, yeah, you've been a late.

• 1:20:44Speaker 04

  I just started alcohol and drugs tonight, today.

• 1:20:46Andrew Santino?

  Right?

• 1:20:46Speaker 04

  Today.

• 1:20:47Andrew Santino?

  Well.

• 1:20:47Speaker 04

  Yeah, I mean, it's a problem, though, it's a problem.

• 1:20:53Andrew Santino?

  Go see Sal Live.

• 1:20:54Speaker 04

  Yes, Beacon, Ryman.

• 1:20:56Andrew Santino?

  Beacon, the Ryman.

• 1:20:57Speaker 04

  December 27th, Beacon, Ryman in April, Atlantic City. I did like 30 cities up, I'm adding like another 30, I'm going all the way through 27.

• 1:21:04Andrew Santino?

  And my friends in Chicago, please go see my good friend Sal. That would mean the world to me if you go and sell out that Chicago theater. It's one of the best venues I think ever created. Al Capone's booth, go bless the booth when you walk by. You've seen the booth?

• 1:21:14Speaker 04

  No.

• 1:21:14Andrew Santino?

  They've never taken you to see that?

• 1:21:15Speaker 04

  I just shot a bunch of promos there, I played the organ, but I wasn't supposed to because it's a union thing and I didn't know.

• 1:21:20Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, they'll sue you.

• 1:21:21Speaker 04

  Yeah, they got me.

• 1:21:22Andrew Santino?

  Union guys will fuck you up. Gotta be waiting with a cigarette out back being like, "Sal, you played the organ."

• 1:21:25Speaker 04

  I love the venue.

• 1:21:26Andrew Santino?

  "How was that, touching our keys?"

• 1:21:27Speaker 04

  I love the venue.

• 1:21:28Andrew Santino?

  "Without my approval, did you have fun?" Yeah. "We're fucking you." If you're onstage and you're looking up, it's that top right balcony corner booth, is Al Capone's booth. Ask them about it, they'll tell you the whole story.

• 1:21:37Speaker 04

  Oh, awesome.

• 1:21:37Andrew Santino?

  It's pretty beautiful, yeah. The guy had an escape route there, it's pretty cool.

• 1:21:40Speaker 04

  Oh, I have to, I didn't know that.

• 1:21:41Andrew Santino?

  They'll give you a whole rigmarole. They give you the whole thing.

• 1:21:45Speaker 04

  Yeah, man, so that's it. I got my special Terrified's on HBO Max and I'm coming out with a new talk show called Minouche.

• 1:21:51Andrew Santino?

  Minouche.

• 1:21:52Speaker 04

  Minouche, short for minutia. And that'll be out at the end of the fall, beginning of the winter. I'm doing like in 10-episode seasons. So I'm shooting the first episode, the first season now. It's really, really, really big guests, really, really, really small talk. It's like, it's gonna go in and out from like ridiculous conversation into sketch and back in and out of sketch and stuff. So it's like, without calling it out.

• 1:22:13Andrew Santino?

  And this is on YouTube?

• 1:22:14Speaker 04

  It's gonna be on YouTube and wherever you listen to, on my channel, yeah.

• 1:22:16Andrew Santino?

  On your channel.

• 1:22:17Speaker 04

  Yeah, I'd love to have you on.

• 1:22:18Andrew Santino?

  I'd be on in a heartbeat.

• 1:22:19Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 1:22:19Andrew Santino?

  Look out for Minouche.

• 1:22:21Speaker 04

  Yes.

• 1:22:21Andrew Santino?

  I love you dearly. Looking at that camera to end the episode, one word or one phrase, whenever you're ready.

• 1:22:29Speaker 02

  In here, we pour whiskey, whiskey, whiskey, whiskey, whiskey.

• 1:22:35Speaker 03

  You're that creature in the ginger beard. Sturdy and ginger. Like vampires, the ginger gene is a curse. Gingers are beautiful. You owe me $5 for the whiskey, $75 for the horse. Ginger, oh hell no. This whiskey is excellent. Ginger. I like gingers.