Nick Swardson Returns!

Comedy tornado Nick Swardson (Reno 911!, Grandma’s Boy, Happy Madison) sits down with Andrew Santino for a ridiculous, rapid-fire hang about cult movies, Sandler stories, crowd chaos, and writing bits that shouldn’t work (but do). We get into Terry on roller skates, Bucky Larson lore, road life, and why he just launched his new YouTube channel @SwardNation — go subscribe and show love: https://www.youtube.com/@SwardNation Tell us you favorite drinking cities and why in the comments! 🍊 FOLLOW NICK • @SwardNation on YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@SwardNation • Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/realnickswardson/ FOLLOW SANTINO & THE SHOW • SANTINO IG: https://www.instagram.com/cheetosantino/ • WHISKEY GINGER IG: https://www.instagram.com/whiskeygingerpodcast #WhiskeyGinger #NickSwardson #SwardNation #AndrewSantino #Reno911 #GrandmasBoy #HappyMadison #StandUpComedy #ComedyPodcast #PodcastClips #ComedyClips #benchwarmers ========================================================= Sponsor Whiskey Ginger: https://public.liveread.io/media-kit/whiskeyginger SUPPORT OUR SPONSORS MONARCH USE PROMO CODE: WHISKEY TO GET 50% OFF THE FIRST YEAR! https://monarchmoney.com SQUARESPACE GET 10% OFF YOUR ORDER https://squarespace.com/whiskey BETTER HELP GET 10% OFF YOUR FIRST MONTH https://betterhelp.com/whiskey HIMS 100% ONLINE TREATMENT! https://hims.com/whiskey ===================================================== Follow Andrew Santino: https://www.instagram.com/cheetosantino/ https://twitter.com/CheetoSantino Follow Whiskey Ginger: https://www.instagram.com/whiskeygingerpodcast https://twitter.com/whiskeygingerpodcast Produced and edited by Joe Faria https://www.instagram.com/itsjoefaria Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Speaker names marked ? are inferred from speaking time and the show’s known hosts — they are not voice-verified.

• 0:00Speaker 00

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• 0:36Speaker 00

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• 1:20Andrew Santino?

  What up, whiskey, ginger fans? Welcome back to the show. If it's your first time joining the show, welcome to the show. We got a good one for you today, and it is a great day because my special is out. White Noise, available on Hulu. Check it out, please. Go check out White Noise on Hulu. Spread the word, tell everyone you know, appreciate it. And also, I'm on tour. Halloween weekend, I'm going to San Francisco, the Punchline. Then I'm going to be at the Brea Improv, the Tempe Improv, which I've never played. ASU, I'm coming home. At the Horseshoe Casino in Hammond, Indiana, November 22nd. Then I'm at Hanover, Maryland, at the Hall at Live, the Borgata in January as well. The Harris Valley Center, which is basically San Diego, end of January.

• 2:05Andrew Santino?

  Then we're adding, Vegas is coming up soon, and a few more dates. But go to andrewsantino.com for the tickets. andrewsantino.com. Please enjoy the special White Noise on Hulu.

• 2:13Speaker 02

  In here, we pour whiskey, whiskey, whiskey, whiskey, whiskey.

• 2:19Speaker 03

  You were that creature in the ginger beard. Sturdy ginger.

• 2:23Speaker 04

  The ginger gene is a curse. Gingers are beautiful. You owe me five dollars for the whiskey, seventy-five dollars for the horse. Ginger, oh hell no. This whiskey is excellent.

• 2:34Andrew Santino?

  Ginger. I like gingers. Ladies and gentlemen, welcome back to Whiskey Dinner. My guest today is one of my favorite people on Earth. I say that for all my guests, my name is Mimi. What's it get today? It is the return of Nick Swardson. Swart, swart, swart, swart, swart, swart, swart, swart, swart, swart, swart, swart.

• 2:46Speaker 05

  Ew, eat me out. Eat me out.

• 2:50Andrew Santino?

  Minnesota's finest, Nick Swardson is here. And he's promoting his new YouTube channel, Swart Nation.

• 2:56Speaker 05

  Yeah, Swart Nation. It's really exciting. So, um, just to, uh, so I've got all my old stand-up, all these old clips. And then, um, you know, I'm gonna talk about drinking a little bit on the show today. Because I'm so sober, sober Kai. And, uh, but I'm going to, thank you. I'm going to tell some funny stories about drinking, but on my channel, I'm gonna post a clip about serious, kind of, my perspective on drinking, which is a little bit more serious, so.

• 3:25Andrew Santino?

  It's more serious because you've.

• 3:26Speaker 05

  If I'm too lighthearted, just know that I don't think alcoholism is hilarious. It's got some funny moments, but just so you know, that's it.

• 3:36Andrew Santino?

  That's a good one.

• 3:36Speaker 05

  That's my time.

• 3:37Andrew Santino?

  That's my, wrap it up.

• 3:38Speaker 05

  We're all fucking dead.

• 3:40Andrew Santino?

  Well, you have some funny moments. I mean, you almost died. You went blind. You're diabetic.

• 3:44Speaker 05

  Bunch of, yeah. Yeah, I got a trifecta.

• 3:47Andrew Santino?

  Three for three.

• 3:48Speaker 05

  Yeah, and I was asking you, um, first of all, I'm still fucking pissed off at Andrew.

• 3:53Andrew Santino?

  What did I do?

• 3:55Speaker 05

  I brought it up to your friend Bob Lee.

• 3:57Andrew Santino?

  I don't like that guy.

• 3:58Speaker 05

  Yeah, um, that you guys squeezed me out of the, um, Family Feud episode. They did an episode of Family Feud. Let me just say right now, Family Feud is my favorite thing on planet Earth. Family Feud will fucking solve the world.

• 4:13Andrew Santino?

  It will.

• 4:13Speaker 05

  It's fucking great. It's all people from all different areas, laughing, having a good time. Steve Harvey's hilarious.

• 4:21Andrew Santino?

  Show me Swardson!

• 4:22Speaker 05

  And they did an episode and I, I wasn't on it. And I was really sad.

• 4:26Andrew Santino?

  And you know who, you know who's that's really to blame is Robert E. Lee. Bobby Lee said, "We don't, we have too many people. We can't use Nick." And I said, "Okay, then you're gonna have to explain to Nick why we couldn't use him." Because you were supposed to be on our team, dude!

• 4:38Speaker 05

  Okay.

• 4:38Andrew Santino?

  By the way, we lost to Flavor Flav. Couldn't be more embarrassing. We lost to Flavor Flav.

• 4:43Speaker 05

  Oh my god. You shouldn't lose to Flavor Flav at anything!

• 4:47Andrew Santino?

  Well.

• 4:48Speaker 05

  I don't know, man.

• 4:49Andrew Santino?

  Rapping, he's a, he's a great rapper.

• 4:50Speaker 05

  Is he?

• 4:51Andrew Santino?

  No, you're right.

• 4:52Speaker 05

  I don't think we know what the word great means then. We'll be right back.

• 4:56Andrew Santino?

  Chuck D, shout out Flava Flav, we loved you Flav. No, we lost, here's the question, how annoying is this? What do you do at night that you regret in the morning? And so, give me your top three answers. Nick, what do you do at night that you'll regret in the morning?

• 5:11Speaker 05

  Meth?

• 5:11Andrew Santino?

  Yes.

• 5:13Speaker 05

  Crack?

• 5:13Andrew Santino?

  Mm-hmm.

• 5:15Speaker 05

  Um, homeless three-way?

• 5:18Andrew Santino?

  Yay, that's it, that was top three. No, I said, we said, uh, drinking. Late at night that you regret in the morning. We said eating bad, eating bad food, like eating shitty foods.

• 5:28Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 5:29Andrew Santino?

  And then we said hooking up, like one-night-standing that you regret in the morning, right?

• 5:32Speaker 05

  Okay.

• 5:32Andrew Santino?

  Legitimate answers. One-night-stand was not up there, which doesn't make sense to me. They, what was up there was exercise. Watch the fucking episode.

• 5:44Speaker 05

  Flava Flav got that right?

• 5:46Andrew Santino?

  No, they didn't, they, we tried to steal and we lost on, on hooking up. But, exercise, who exercised at night that goes, fuck, I'm gonna regret this tomorrow? That's not a real thing.

• 5:56Speaker 05

  I don't know.

• 5:56Andrew Santino?

  So, America misheard the question, I bet, and thought, what do you, what do you do, what do you not do that you regret in the morning? And it was probably exercise, they meant, I don't, I didn't exercise yesterday, so I regret it tomorrow.

• 6:09Speaker 05

  Well, I didn't even know, what is exercise?

• 6:13Speaker 05

  I don't, you, I, I'm lost.

• 6:15Andrew Santino?

  We're not gonna knock out that diabetes like this, Nick.

• 6:18Speaker 05

  Second of all, first of all and second.

• 6:20Andrew Santino?

  First and second, third of all.

• 6:22Speaker 05

  Um, I was not far off, because a homeless three-way is a one-night-stand.

• 6:27Andrew Santino?

  Yeah.

• 6:27Speaker 05

  And crack and meth can be considered food.

• 6:30Andrew Santino?

  Well, crack is, no, no, no, meth is food, crack would be...

• 6:34Speaker 05

  An appetizer.

• 6:34Andrew Santino?

  An appetizer, yeah, that's, that's like a shrimp cocktail.

• 6:36Speaker 05

  So, Flav would've gotten a lot of those.

• 6:40Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, Flav would've gotten, Flav won though, shout out to Flav, him and his charity. I met all 19 of his kids, were you with us? You weren't with us. He brought all of his kids, in fact, two of his children, I'm not exaggerating, there was probably 12 kids, two of them met for the first time at, behind Family Feud. So, you're right.

• 6:54Speaker 05

  Are you serious?

• 6:55Andrew Santino?

  My hand to God, they met for the first time, they, they even said, come, come down, God. The one kid even goes, "I never met him before." And I was like, "Who?" And he's like, "My brother." And I was like, "What do you mean you never met him before?" He's like, "It's the first time we're meeting."

• 7:08Speaker 05

  Oh my god.

• 7:09Andrew Santino?

  So Flavor Flav, like you said, Family Feud, bringing worlds together.

• 7:12Speaker 05

  There we go.

• 7:13Andrew Santino?

  Bringing worlds together.

• 7:14Speaker 05

  I swear to god, I'm obsessed with Family Feud.

• 7:16Andrew Santino?

  So that's my second favorite show. It was me and my wife's first, but now we're back on, we've gone back to Triple D. Speaking of which, we're having Guy Fieri on. Diners, Drive-Ins and Dives. You out of your fucking mind, dude?

• 7:28Speaker 05

  I don't know, I don't exercise.

• 7:30Andrew Santino?

  That I know, dude. Those shorts aren't selling it. Uh, yeah, they are, they're nice. No, Triple D.

• 7:37Speaker 05

  Who was that with Guy Fart Sandwich?

• 7:38Andrew Santino?

  Guy Fart Sandwich.

• 7:40Speaker 05

  Guy Fireball?

• 7:41Andrew Santino?

  He's the best, dude. Guy Fieri's the man.

• 7:42Speaker 05

  I heard he's great. I've never met him, but I only heard good things.

• 7:45Andrew Santino?

  He's coming on Bad Friends on Thursday, and I'm very excited, yeah.

• 7:47Speaker 05

  Aren't they doing a biopic about him? I heard that's in development. One of my buddies is, I think, writing it.

• 7:53Andrew Santino?

  Is it biopic or is it biopic?

• 7:55Speaker 05

  Um, I always say biopic.

• 7:58Andrew Santino?

  What do you say?

• 7:59Speaker 06

  I think it's a biopic. It's a biographical picture.

• 8:01Andrew Santino?

  But a biopic is the same way of saying, it's like saying...

• 8:04Speaker 05

  Well, Bob Lee says bisexual.

• 8:06Andrew Santino?

  Okay, well, he's bisexual. Yeah, you're right. I think it's a biopic. Maybe it is biopic.

• 8:11Speaker 05

  We don't know.

• 8:12Andrew Santino?

  What?

• 8:12Speaker 06

  I found, uh, I found pronunciation for it.

• 8:15Andrew Santino?

  What is it?

• 8:16Speaker 03

  Biopic.

• 8:17Andrew Santino?

  It's biopic.

• 8:18Speaker 05

  Yeah, it's biopic.

• 8:19Andrew Santino?

  Biopic.

• 8:20Speaker 03

  Biopic.

• 8:21Andrew Santino?

  Biopic.

• 8:22Speaker 06

  Biopic.

• 8:22Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, if you trust the robots. I just went across four lanes of traffic in my buddy's Tesla on the way here today, and on autopilot, and it made me fucking pure panic. It freaked me out.

• 8:33Speaker 05

  What do you mean? What freaked you out?

• 8:35Andrew Santino?

  Does it know? Like, it knows, but does it know when to go? Because the human, crossing over four lanes of traffic does a thing of like... Like, we kind of know timing a little bit better than the robots do.

• 8:46Speaker 05

  So he was behind the wheel?

• 8:47Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, but the autopilot was on.

• 8:48Speaker 05

  And he just, I'd have never even seen...

• 8:50Andrew Santino?

  He wanted to show me how autopil... He was like...

• 8:52Speaker 05

  Crosses four lanes?

• 8:53Andrew Santino?

  Yeah.

• 8:54Speaker 05

  Yeah, well, I mean...

• 8:55Andrew Santino?

  But it did work.

• 8:56Speaker 05

  Do you go into driverless cars? That's one thing I won't do.

• 9:01Andrew Santino?

  No. You mean like the Waymo?

• 9:02Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 9:02Andrew Santino?

  That's a fucking...

• 9:03Speaker 05

  My brother does it, and he goes, "It just prevents drinking and driving." And I'm like, "A, call an Uber." Is that what Uber's... But you can also, if I'm fucking hammered, I'm getting behind the fucking wheel. I'm gonna be like, "Hey, uh, hey, robot, what's this, dude?" Totally.

• 9:21Andrew Santino?

  Please get outside of the cockpit, Nick. Please remove yourself. Please, eject.

• 9:27Andrew Santino?

  Danger.

• 9:29Speaker 05

  Um, oh, one thing I was gonna ask you is, um, lighthearted drinking talk.

• 9:33Andrew Santino?

  Give it.

• 9:34Speaker 05

  Uh, remember I asked you, and you didn't give me the answer, um, danger cities, so, and this, in the comments, we were just talking about.

• 9:41Andrew Santino?

  Yeah.

• 9:42Speaker 05

  If you're a drinker, or even trying not to drink, what cities are red flags? So I gave you the option of what's more dangerous, Vegas or New Orleans?

• 9:49Andrew Santino?

  Vegas for me all day.

• 9:51Speaker 05

  I say New Orleans.

• 9:52Andrew Santino?

  Why?

• 9:53Speaker 05

  I don't know, man. Every time, I've like maintained in Vegas. New Orleans, I've been like, holy fuck, time travel.

• 10:02Andrew Santino?

  Right.

• 10:03Speaker 05

  Like vomit in my hands, throw it in the air, shit. That's a real thing that I did.

• 10:07Andrew Santino?

  Like confetti?

• 10:08Speaker 05

  Yeah, I mean, like LeBron, winning, winning something.

• 10:13Speaker 05

  But yeah, New Orleans, but yeah, Vegas is dangerous too. Why is it dangerous for you? Are you a gambler?

• 10:17Andrew Santino?

  Vegas, I am a gambler, but Vegas is dangerous drinking wise for me because there's so many options, there's so many places to go continue to party. That's my problem. New Orleans, I feel like you can party, but it's kind of all the same. You're going bar to bar to bar to bar. But Vegas, you can like, go to a show, you can go, you can go physically do a thing, and then go drink there, and then go somewhere else, then go to a bar or restaurant, then go to another thing. There's too many options to get fucked up, and it's just, it begs you to keep doing it. Where New Orleans is like, it was just bar to bar to bar for me. Like Vegas.

• 10:49Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 10:50Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, but Vegas has e- e- everything you could ever dream.

• 10:53Speaker 05

  You're going, getting shitfaced at Cirque du Soleil.

• 10:55Andrew Santino?

  Yes.

• 10:56Speaker 05

  Then you're getting.

• 10:56Andrew Santino?

  Dinner, and then you go out to dinner, then you get fucked up, then you go gambling, get fucked up, then you go to Top Golf and you get fucking hammered. Yeah, there's too many things to do.

• 11:03Speaker 05

  Too many activities.

• 11:04Andrew Santino?

  Too much to do to get fucked up, and, cause you need one activity to get drunk at, and that's good enough. You don't need, and then we go here, and then we go here, and then we do this, and then we go gamble, and then we go to a show, it's too much.

• 11:16Speaker 05

  That's too much.

• 11:16Andrew Santino?

  And by the time the night's over, I'm fucking, well, you would just sit at the bar all night.

• 11:20Speaker 05

  I can sit at a bar for a long time. New Orleans, I don't know, I just, there's something like in the air about it that's just, you don't know if you're gonna get fucking voodoo and shit a cobra. You don't know what's gonna happen. And like, you can find some real interesting bars. Live music, I don't know, I get fired up in New Orleans.

• 11:37Andrew Santino?

  New Orleans is great. Also, the weather is better for go out and drink and party. Vegas, half of the year, you can't walk around outside. So you're not drinking, yeah, you're sitting inside.

• 11:47Speaker 05

  Also, New Orleans too, I remember there was a bar on Bourbon, this is fuck, 25 years ago. And I used to be the Barks Group beer boy, and that was a New Orleans beer.

• 11:56Andrew Santino?

  Were you really?

• 11:56Speaker 05

  Yeah, it was like my first gig when I was like 19. But they had a bar and we would drink till 6 a.m. I don't know if this is still, somebody can check me on this. There was a bar, you drank till 6 a.m. and then they would hose it down on the floor. And then they would be back at 7. So then we would go to this Clover Diner, it was called. So from 6 to 7, we would eat and then we would just go right back.

• 12:18Andrew Santino?

  Hose the floor down from all the vomit and shit?

• 12:20Speaker 05

  Or just, I don't know, the smell.

• 12:21Andrew Santino?

  Smell of humans and...

• 12:22Speaker 05

  Yeah, I mean, it's not like somebody dropped their flowers. And it's like, oh, it smells too good. Yeah, it was fucking vomit. But I mean, that was one of the craziest things I've ever seen. And yeah, Vegas is like that too. You can go off the strip and see some shit.

• 12:34Andrew Santino?

  Some dark shit.

• 12:35Speaker 05

  Yeah, you can drink with a dead body.

• 12:37Andrew Santino?

  Well, I did, back in the day, Billy Bonnell and I went out one night and we were on the way to the strip club. And Greg Santos, and I made them pull over so I could throw up out of the car. But I didn't want to get out of the car, so I just opened the door and threw up. And he was kinda like rolling, just in drive, just rolling. Cause he was like, it's splashing back in the car.

• 12:55Speaker 05

  Yeah, totally.

• 12:55Andrew Santino?

  So he was just rolling and I had the door open, I'm throwing up outside of the car. And you look behind, it was like this beautiful trail of vomit for like 20 yards, dude. But I made it, I still went to the titty bar, we were fine, we were good to go.

• 13:05Speaker 05

  And it's like Hansel and Gretel, you could find your way back.

• 13:08Andrew Santino?

  That's how I found my way home.

• 13:09Speaker 05

  You just follow the vomit. Yeah, kids, you know what? Sometimes vomiting isn't bad, you could find your way home.

• 13:14Andrew Santino?

  All right, what about cities that you toured to that are, that make you?

• 13:18Speaker 05

  Okay, that was another question I had for Andrew. Where, um, and you can't say your hometown. Cause Minneapolis and Chicago, that's your hometown. Like, those are, yeah, obviously. So what was yours?

• 13:28Andrew Santino?

  Cities that I toured to that are dangerous for me? Boston, Boston is probably one of the worst cities for me because I know, I know what I'm gonna do. Every time I do the same thing, I go to the North End, I get good Italian food, I start drinking there. And then I hit up every single bar I can. And honestly, that place, it begs you to, and then you get late night Chinese food, and you get cold tea. Do you know what cold tea is?

• 13:50Speaker 05

  No.

• 13:51Andrew Santino?

  You don't know about this? If you go to Chinatown in Boston, I don't know if they still do this, but you ask for cold tea after hours when you're eating, and it's beer in a teapot, cause they can't serve. But they just will put beer in the teapot, not out on the table.

• 14:02Speaker 05

  Oh, that's amazing.

• 14:03Andrew Santino?

  Cold tea. So if you ask for cold tea, they'll give it to you in certain places in Chinatown. But that place wants you to blackout. It cannot wait for you to, especially when it's cold outside. Oh, man. It's the greatest place to drink.

• 14:14Speaker 05

  Do they have a tea breeze?

• 14:17Andrew Santino?

  They have a tea breeze. For guys like you, they do. Sweet little princess.

• 14:20Speaker 05

  Tea breeze.

• 14:21Andrew Santino?

  Can I get a tea breeze?

• 14:22Speaker 05

  Yeah, that was, um,

• 14:23Andrew Santino?

  Boston.

• 14:23Speaker 05

  So this last tour I did, Toilet Head, I'm editing this special now, it'll be out on YouTube. Hopefully before the holidays. But, so I did the whole tour sober. I've never done that in 30 years. And I had five days off in Boston. And that was one of the things, I looked at my calendar, and I was like, hello darkness my brethren. And I did it, I powered through, but I was, that was the city that-

• 14:46Andrew Santino?

  What did you do in Boston on your days off? Just go to the park?

• 14:48Speaker 05

  Just write, man. Like, I've just been writing. I like, I've got four screenplays I'm finished. TV pilot. I'm just gangbusters, just trying to, cause people, you know, are always, especially right now, there's fucking no comedy. It's really horrifying.

• 15:03Andrew Santino?

  It's weird.

• 15:03Speaker 05

  Like, I saw seven movies in the theater this year. So, let's say five trailers before a movie. Thirty-five trailers, none of them were comedy.

• 15:10Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, none, they were all like horror and-

• 15:12Speaker 05

  Yeah, it's all horror movies. Because comedy doesn't translate worldwide, so streaming services are like, eh, you know, whatever. But, so I'm just gangbusters writing, which helps. If you're quitting drinking, fill your time with- Anything, just try to like, you know, just do things that occupy things that you, you're not going to the bar. You know what I mean? Or thinking about it, just, even if you're not a writer, I don't fucking write.

• 15:34Andrew Santino?

  When you're alone going to the, do you, uh, when you're alone on the road now and you go to the, do you go to the bar? And just to hang and not have a drink?

• 15:41Speaker 05

  Yeah, I can hang at a bar. I can, I can sit at a bar.

• 15:43Andrew Santino?

  See, I couldn't do that.

• 15:44Speaker 05

  Yeah, there's a lot of people that can't do that. I have a weird.

• 15:46Andrew Santino?

  Feels like, like I go to a restaurant and I can have, or usually what I do if I don't want to drink and I'm on the road. I'll, in the hotel lobby, I'll go eat breakfast and I'll drink coffee till like three or four in the afternoon. Like, I'll just sit there through breakfast into lunch.

• 15:59Speaker 05

  Right.

• 15:59Andrew Santino?

  Just having coffee and writing or listening to music or something.

• 16:02Speaker 05

  Right, well, I, I mean, so I, I wouldn't like saddle up to a dive bar all day and not drink.

• 16:07Andrew Santino?

  But a nice bar.

• 16:07Speaker 05

  Like, I, I would say, I would go to a bar, if there's a game on, like, I can sit and watch a game and not have to drink. I can drink, you know, bottled water or iced tea or something.

• 16:16Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah. Iced tea's the go-to, or Diet Cokes.

• 16:19Speaker 05

  That's not, that's not great, man.

• 16:21Andrew Santino?

  Is it not good for you?

• 16:23Speaker 05

  It's spoiler alert.

• 16:25Andrew Santino?

  Diet Cokes are not good for you?

• 16:28Speaker 05

  Does that answer your question?

• 16:32Speaker 05

  Um, no, do you, Andrew?

• 16:34Andrew Santino?

  They're fine. I, there's many doctors that say there's no evidence to suggest that.

• 16:37Speaker 05

  Doctor Kevorkian?

• 16:39Andrew Santino?

  Yeah.

• 16:39Speaker 05

  That's one of them.

• 16:40Andrew Santino?

  Doctor Lee.

• 16:41Speaker 05

  Doctor Dre.

• 16:41Andrew Santino?

  Doctor Lee, Robert E. Lee, Doctor Dre.

• 16:43Speaker 05

  Doctor Bob Lee.

• 16:44Andrew Santino?

  Doctor Shoals, he said it's fine.

• 16:46Speaker 05

  Doctor Shoals, Doctor Pepper loves it. I know that. He's all on board.

• 16:52Andrew Santino?

  Google this, there's no evidence to suggest, yet.

• 16:54Speaker 06

  Says the effects of diet sodas are subject to an ongoing debate. While they contain no calories or sugar, they do contain artificial sweeteners and other ingredients that have potential health implications.

• 17:02Andrew Santino?

  We just don't know them yet. We'll see them down the road.

• 17:05Speaker 05

  Well, and it's, it is ongoing, so they're right.

• 17:07Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, they're positive.

• 17:08Speaker 05

  That's how up to date that thing is that you looked, because this is literally ongoing.

• 17:11Andrew Santino?

  This is ongoing.

• 17:12Speaker 05

  So I survived Boston, um, another thing, and this is one of my favorite things on tour that I really loved, is the, the cities that you wouldn't think.

• 17:22Andrew Santino?

  Mmm.

• 17:23Speaker 05

  Like, let's say New York City, um, I cannot do, I could not drink in New York City. But like Springfield, Missouri, there's a club called The Blue Room, which I love. It's one of my favorite clubs, and I have. Fucking, one of my things I used to do, I don't know if you would ever do this. I would just stay after a gig. You can't really, but I, I don't really have any overhead, I don't have kids or a wife or anything. So I would just fucking stay for a week. And people would, I would go back to the bar and be like, move my flight. And then they'd be like, no way. And then it was just game on. I would do it all the time. I remember one time I did a college in Miami and I stayed for three weeks.

• 18:05Speaker 05

  I did one college gig and me and my friend Patrick Keen was my opener.

• 18:09Andrew Santino?

  I love Pat Keen, yeah.

• 18:10Speaker 05

  He's really funny.

• 18:11Andrew Santino?

  He's Chicago.

• 18:12Speaker 05

  After like two weeks in, he goes, hey man, what, what are we doing? What's going on? And I'm like, what do you mean? I was Peter Pan. And he's like, yeah, we're still here. But I would do that all the time. I would just stay.

• 18:25Andrew Santino?

  Stay for a week?

• 18:26Speaker 05

  Yeah, fuck yeah.

• 18:28Andrew Santino?

  What are you doing?

• 18:28Speaker 05

  Wes Palm, I did the improv there and I stayed for like two or three weeks.

• 18:32Andrew Santino?

  Just like going to?

• 18:32Speaker 05

  I was getting hammered.

• 18:33Andrew Santino?

  We just hammered every day?

• 18:34Speaker 05

  Bar hop, love it.

• 18:35Andrew Santino?

  Just nothing else?

• 18:36Speaker 05

  I'm not glorifying alcohol.

• 18:38Andrew Santino?

  No, but it is rad.

• 18:39Speaker 05

  But, um, but yeah, did you ever have those?

• 18:41Andrew Santino?

  No.

• 18:41Speaker 05

  Was there a city that like snuck up on you where you were like, whoa, this is funner than I thought?

• 18:47Andrew Santino?

  Well, yeah, yeah. I've had a few where I've stayed. Well, Madison is like the biggest crush I've ever had. Madison is a, is a city where like, I feel like I, you get inundated with the booze at some point. You're like, I could move here. I could fucking move here.

• 19:01Speaker 05

  That's a really funny one, cause that's, I've done that several times.

• 19:05Andrew Santino?

  Where you're like, why couldn't I move here? I could buy a house here. This place is rad.

• 19:08Speaker 05

  Well, yeah, let's rent. I'll rent a place. Let's do it. I've thought about that many times.

• 19:14Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, and Madison, we went out on the lake and the girls let us, let us borrow their jet skis. And I was like, this is the greatest day I've ever had in my entire life. Like Madison to me, every time I go, feels like fantasy town because it is a college town.

• 19:28Speaker 05

  Yeah, I mean, that's a big drinking town.

• 19:29Andrew Santino?

  It's just bars and food and hanging out and it's just, and when it's the summer and the lake and you're like, this is, I, so I have stayed extra days in Madison just to fuck around. Just cause I was like, you know, we love them, you know, they're great, the family that owns the club. They're such good people, like, and I enjoy the staff. So like, that's probably. The most, I have the most relationships at that club of any club I've ever played.

• 19:50Speaker 05

  Right.

• 19:51Andrew Santino?

  Like I'm friends with these people. We communicate all the time.

• 19:53Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 19:54Andrew Santino?

  But all the other clubs, I don't really have that. I never had that with anybody else. Like Denver, maybe a little bit for a while.

• 19:59Speaker 05

  Yeah, Denver, altitude, though.

• 20:01Andrew Santino?

  Get too fucked up.

• 20:02Speaker 05

  Yeah, it's worse.

• 20:03Andrew Santino?

  The amount of times I've had to have people removed, one of my first nights headlining, a guy had to get removed because he, he was like nodding off and then he threw up all over the place.

• 20:12Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 20:13Andrew Santino?

  He just got too fucking ripped. But hi, but too high. These guys are getting too high, not too drunk. Like, most people at Comedy Works in the basement, they're drinking, but they're ripped out of their fucking mind.

• 20:22Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 20:22Andrew Santino?

  It's too stoned.

• 20:23Speaker 05

  Yeah, they're bonkers high.

• 20:24Andrew Santino?

  You never really loved getting stoned.

• 20:25Speaker 05

  I don't, but I take edibles. So when people talk to me and I'm like, they're like, oh, you're sober now? And I'm like, no, I'm technically, I'm not sober. I don't drink right now. But, um, yeah, I, I love edibles. I take them at night.

• 20:37Andrew Santino?

  You just don't like to smoke pot.

• 20:38Speaker 05

  I, it's too immediate. Like, at least, some people argue that edibles, they don't like that because it hits you like really slow and then all of a sudden you're like, whoa. But I kind of like that because if you know how much you're taking.

• 20:51Andrew Santino?

  Yeah.

• 20:52Speaker 05

  Like, if you're eating a Rogue cookie, like, back in the day, my roommate was, still a good friend of mine, Zach Galifianakis, and he would make cookies and brownies. And we, you know, like, you know with edibles, that's been talked about a lot. That's the wild west, when you're eating a brownie.

• 21:05Andrew Santino?

  Good luck.

• 21:06Speaker 05

  Because you don't know. So if you regulate it, but, um, yeah, I just didn't like just being like, yeah, man, this is fun. No, no. Like, I just, like, I can't vibe with that. And I remember, um, I ran into Be Real on the Sunset Strip from Cypress Hill.

• 21:22Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, the man.

• 21:23Speaker 05

  And he was like, he was like, hey, what's up, man? He's a big Grandma's Boy fan. And they wanted me to do, open for them at, uh, House of Blues for Cypress Hill.

• 21:31Andrew Santino?

  That night?

• 21:32Speaker 05

  No, no, no. This is like, it was some show they were doing. And I had a panic attack. So I was like, I was like, oh no, I can't. And I don't think I could because of my tour, but I was like, oh no. And he was like, oh shit. And I, in my head, I'm like, dude, if I do a Cypress Hill show and then like it's me on stage from Grandma's Boy, there's going to be joints. I've done music festivals where people are throwing joints. Have you ever had that or no?

• 21:55Andrew Santino?

  Oh, yeah. Yeah, drugs, I've gotten so many drugs over the years.

• 21:57Speaker 05

  It's fucking crazy. And then I, I just had a panic attack and I'm like, I just couldn't, if I'm, if I go from not smoking weed to a fucking blunt at a Cypress Hill concert.

• 22:07Andrew Santino?

  Dead.

• 22:08Speaker 05

  Uh, that's like, bye.

• 22:09Andrew Santino?

  I don't like smoking in circles with people that I don't know either. I get really nervous now at this age. When I was younger, I didn't care.

• 22:15Speaker 05

  Right.

• 22:16Andrew Santino?

  But like, I don't know how many years ago it was, but I went to go see Toots and the Matals. Do you know who that is?

• 22:20Speaker 05

  No.

• 22:21Andrew Santino?

  Toots, reggae band. Toots was awesome, but the woman I was working for at the time, she knew them and was like, "Let's go backstage." And I was like, "Fuck yeah, let's go backstage." We're there at the Hollywood Bowl. We go back there and I was like, "This is amazing. Like, we're fucking here." And then they were like, "You know, do you smoke weed?" And I was like, "Yeah, yeah, absolutely." And I'm thinking, "Oh shit, I have to smoke weed with a reggae band." Like, I'm fucked. I'm fucked, of all people. This is a bad idea. So I'm smoking weed and I keep having to hit it. And even when I was like, "No, no, I'm good. Thank you so much." And the guy's like, "No, no, no, no." And I was like, "Fuck." I'm getting like bullied into smoking. And I was fine. For a while, I was like, "I'm high, but this is cool and everyone's nice and it's a good vibe." But then someone asked me a question about comedy. And I was like, "I have to pee." And I just fucking absolutely bolted the fuck out of there. I was like, "I have to piss."

• 23:06Andrew Santino?

  Gone forever. I disappeared. My boss was like, "Where the fuck did you go? Did you get lost?" I was like, "Yeah, I met up with somebody. I ran into an old friend." But I had that moment of like, "I'm gonna say stuff, it's not gonna make sense." And I'm so fucking baked and they're gonna all look at me weird.

• 23:19Speaker 05

  And then you're gonna overanalyze it.

• 23:20Andrew Santino?

  Oh, fuck, for hours. So I was like, "I'm gonna piss and leave."

• 23:22Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 23:22Andrew Santino?

  "I'm gonna piss" is my exit strategy.

• 23:24Speaker 05

  That's a good one.

• 23:25Andrew Santino?

  I always go, "I gotta piss," and then I leave.

• 23:26Speaker 05

  That's a good one.

• 23:27Andrew Santino?

  No one ever cares. They're like, "Maybe he went to piss."

• 23:29Speaker 05

  No one's gonna argue that.

• 23:30Andrew Santino?

  "Where do you gotta go? I have to piss."

• 23:31Speaker 05

  I mean, diarrhea, you can get out of a funeral.

• 23:35Andrew Santino?

  I have diarrhea right now. I'm shitting right now.

• 23:37Speaker 05

  No one's gonna argue that. I was like that when I went to see Wham! Live. And then we went backstage and they offered me a penis. And I was like, "I'm good, man."

• 23:45Andrew Santino?

  You weren't hungry?

• 23:45Speaker 05

  I was just didn't, I was like, "Ah, no. Just once I do that, I'm gonna be paranoid and whatever." So I just like, "I have diarrhea."

• 23:53Andrew Santino?

  Which Wham! member was it? Do you remember?

• 23:56Speaker 05

  Yeah, it was all of them.

• 23:57Andrew Santino?

  It was all of them. They had their dicks out backstage.

• 23:59Speaker 05

  It was, yeah. It was a great show.

• 24:01Andrew Santino?

  No, I hate smo- I don't like smoking with strangers now. I'll never do that again. I don't even smoke weed like I used to anymore, cuz I'm... Like, I'll have a little bit at the house. If it's just me and my wife, watching a movie, yeah, I can do that. But I cannot do parties anymore.

• 24:14Speaker 05

  You don't like look at her and go like, "Why the fuck am I here, man?"

• 24:18Andrew Santino?

  What even is this, dude? Who is this lady, dude?

• 24:21Speaker 05

  "Who is this lady, man? What does she want from me?"

• 24:24Andrew Santino?

  "What are you doing in my house, man?"

• 24:25Speaker 05

  And then all of a sudden, you like, smoke a couple more and then it's Flavor Flav. And you're like, "Oh my god, I married Flavor Flav." And he's like, "Eat me out!" Yeah, you don't want that.

• 24:38Speaker 02

  In here, we pour whiskey.

• 24:41Andrew Santino?

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• 26:10Andrew Santino?

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• 27:28Speaker 05

  So, wait, let me ask you this.

• 27:29Andrew Santino?

  Yeah.

• 27:30Speaker 05

  What's a town? Because I did, like I said, my whole tour sober. And I went to a lot of towns I'd never been to before. And so, I was like, that was one of the harder things too, is I was like, oh, man. I could fucking rip. If I was drinking, I would rip this fucking town.

• 27:43Andrew Santino?

  What city?

• 27:44Speaker 05

  Was there, I mean, like even, like Chattanooga, Tennessee.

• 27:48Andrew Santino?

  Oh, that is Chattanooga, great.

• 27:49Speaker 05

  I was like, I could rip this. Tarrytown, New York, super random and small. I think they, I mean, people from Tarrytown probably know if you, it's like a Norman Rockwell painting. But I'm like, oh, they have a couple like little bars. I'm like, oof.

• 28:03Andrew Santino?

  Well, I'll tell you where, what, I got lost one, this is great. My buddy Chris O'Connor, he took me back to Connecticut to go like, we were going to hang out, see his family. So, we were driving back home from a gig and he was like, we just crashed at my mom's house. And I was like, okay. I was like, no problem. And it was Super Bowl, this is crazy, it was Super Bowl Sunday the next day. And my flight, it was just pouring snow. And my flight was, in the morning, was getting delayed. And then I was like, dude, this fucking sucks. I know what's gonna happen. I'm never gonna make it home for the Super Bowl. Like, this is gonna get all fucked up. And O'Connor was like, let's go to like a little pub in town and let's just like wait it out and see what happens in the morning. We go there, we start getting absolutely bombed. And I did that thing where, it was Greenwich, by the way, old Greenwich, Connecticut.

• 28:47Andrew Santino?

  And I did that thing where I was like, I can move here right now. Like, the snow was falling soft. I was hammered outside on the phone. I was telling my wife. It's maybe it's just stay for one, two more days, two more days, who cares? And we just drank all day and then we went and got pizza for the Super Bowl. This is the fucking dumbest thing. We got so hammered at the bar, we went and got two large pizzas, went back to his dad's house. And we lit a fucking fire so he had like a huge, we lit a fire so big and we do it. We opened up the flu, I'm sure, but the fire sucked out all the oxygen. We fell asleep, I passed out to the whole Super Bowl. I didn't see one piece of it. Oh, my God. I was hammered, I fell asleep in a lazy boy chair and we woke up to the fire like crackling down. The game was over. I missed the whole fucking Super Bowl. Because, because of Greenwich, but Greenwich is a small town where you're like,

• 29:32Andrew Santino?

  it's quaint and tiny and sweet and cute, but it's, it's very like old school. It feels like off, you got off the ship after a long shift. You just go get shitfaced at this tiny little pub, low old ceilings. Those are my favorite.

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• 30:50Speaker 05

  Yeah, that's the thing. That is the thing about alcohol where it can turn a situation that sucks pretty fucking sweet.

• 30:57Andrew Santino?

  Pretty rad.

• 30:57Speaker 05

  You know what I mean?

• 30:58Andrew Santino?

  Right away.

• 30:59Speaker 05

  That's the thing where you're like, you're stuck at like an old bar and you're just like, oh my god, who's that fucking weirdo? Like, where am I? What am I doing? My flight's delayed? And then you just sort of like, I'm just gonna rip it. And then you have four cocktails. That guy's name is Mark. He's staying with you anytime he comes to LA. Um, fucking the owners, you're taking pictures, you got a t-shirt. It's like, all of a sudden,

• 31:20Andrew Santino?

  You become the king.

• 31:21Speaker 05

  It went from fucking hell to fucking Barnea. Where you're just fucking, this is the greatest thing ever.

• 31:27Andrew Santino?

  It is kind of fun. I've done that a few nights where you're like, I'm gonna start buying people drinks. And you befriend the whole bar. I did that at, Jimmy, what is it? Margaritaville? In Tennessee, outside. I had, I, I fucking lost my mind at Dollyworld. We got into a fight, Bob and I. I went to Margaritaville and I was like, I'm just gonna have lunch by myself. I turned off my phone, none, they couldn't get a hold of me. And I started getting hammered. And then a, a couple comes, sits next to me. They're, they're newly married. I'm like, buy them a round of drinks, their dinner, I'm gonna buy their dinner. And then like the guy next to me starts chatting, he's like, I'm a big fan. Like, give him whatever he want. I was buying the whole bar. I became, I was like the king of the bar. When you do that, you're like, this is the greatest feeling in the world.

• 32:02Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 32:02Andrew Santino?

  I think I work here now.

• 32:03Speaker 05

  It is king status.

• 32:04Andrew Santino?

  It's awesome.

• 32:05Speaker 05

  A whole new world. I am a leader. What is this Margaritaville?

• 32:12Andrew Santino?

  Alright, where's the?

• 32:13Speaker 05

  Where is your leader?

• 32:15Andrew Santino?

  Where's the strangest place you woke up? You told me one.

• 32:17Speaker 05

  Oh god. Well, wait, I just remembered another story. This is one of my favorite moments. So, um, I was on the road, and this is why I love meeting people at bars.

• 32:25Andrew Santino?

  I do too.

• 32:26Speaker 05

  And I'd like, I have the best time. And, so this is a true story. I was leaving, I believe, St. Louis, and I was flying to Denver. And I had a 6 a.m. flight. And I had pushed it, I always push it to the limit where-

• 32:39Andrew Santino?

  6 a.m. is fucking gross.

• 32:40Speaker 05

  It's brutal, but I had a show that night, so I couldn't miss it.

• 32:43Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, you had to go.

• 32:44Speaker 05

  So I'm like, okay, 6 a.m., here's my logic. I go, I'm gonna go to the airport early. Okay, and I'm gonna sleep at the airport.

• 32:52Andrew Santino?

  No, it's so dumb.

• 32:53Speaker 05

  So I go to the fucking gate. Go to the airport, like- 10pm. And I go, hey, I'm checking in. Woman's like, your flight's, you know, tomorrow. And I go, I know, can I just sleep on the floor by the gate? And she's like, no. No, you can't do that. I'm like, really? And she's like, yeah, no, it's all, no. And I'm like, okay, fuck. So she goes, there's a Marriott connected to the airport. I believe it was St. Louis. So I'm like, okay, so I go to the Marriott, I'm like, hey, I just need a room for the night. And they're like, we're sold out, oversold out. And I'm like, are you serious? I just need one room, it's our closet, I just need a laid out. And she was like, no. And I'm like, oh my fucking god. So I go to the bar at the hotel, and I'm sitting there and there's two couples, and they go, are you Nick Swardson?

• 33:38Speaker 05

  And I go, yeah. And they go, what are you doing? And I literally got my bag and I go, I'm homeless. I go, I don't, no. And I told them the story and they go, wait, where are you flying to? And I go, Denver, 6am. And they go, we're on that flight. And I'm like, no way. They're like, do you want to crash in our room? And I go, fucking yeah.

• 33:58Andrew Santino?

  Dude.

• 33:58Speaker 05

  They're like, we don't have a bed, you would just sleep on the floor. I go, done. I go, are you serious? They're like, yeah. I'm like, let's fucking go. And then I just bought drinks, we got hammered, then we all woke up at like 4:30.

• 34:09Andrew Santino?

  You were in bed though.

• 34:10Speaker 05

  Went to the airport.

• 34:10Andrew Santino?

  You woke up in bed.

• 34:11Speaker 05

  No, no, no, I woke up on the floor. They had put a blanket on me, I don't even know if I had a pillow. I just slept on their floor, I don't care.

• 34:18Andrew Santino?

  And their names were?

• 34:19Speaker 05

  I don't remember.

• 34:20Andrew Santino?

  Fuck Nick.

• 34:20Speaker 05

  It was just like a magical.

• 34:22Andrew Santino?

  Mark and Erica. Did you see them in the morning on a plane?

• 34:24Speaker 05

  Yeah, then we all went to the airport and got like breakfast sandwiches.

• 34:26Andrew Santino?

  They didn't come to the show?

• 34:28Speaker 05

  No, they were like, they were going through Denver.

• 34:30Andrew Santino?

  Oh, that's usually the great when someone's like, you meet someone cool and you're like, come to the show.

• 34:34Speaker 05

  Of course, an open invite, but it was like, the best experience of just alcohol bonded us.

• 34:41Andrew Santino?

  I woke up underneath a pool table in.

• 34:43Speaker 05

  Like, that wouldn't have happened at a salad bar.

• 34:45Andrew Santino?

  No.

• 34:45Speaker 05

  You know what I mean? It would have been like, is that Caesar? Where are you flying to?

• 34:50Andrew Santino?

  I woke up underneath a pool table in Billings after doing whipits all night with locals.

• 34:54Speaker 05

  Geez.

• 34:55Andrew Santino?

  That was a tough night. I got too fucking high and drunk and then we were doing whipits and then.

• 34:59Speaker 05

  That's a brutal hangover.

• 35:01Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, it was bad. I felt like shit. I woke up underneath a pool table because I think I saw I saw shelter for some reason. I don't know why I went under there. But we were there way too late into the night. It was like a local. It felt like someone's house. You know, there's a dive bar somewhere that it's like, is this some guy's house? They're like, it's a bar.

• 35:14Speaker 05

  Oh, yeah.

• 35:15Andrew Santino?

  This is a guy's house, right? Like, I'm just at some guy's house.

• 35:18Speaker 05

  Right, or you get in the dangerous place where you're like, all of a sudden, it's last call at the bar and then you go to some somebody's house.

• 35:26Andrew Santino?

  Oh, yeah.

• 35:26Speaker 05

  And then you're like, wait, wait, wait, where the fuck am I? Like, that's happened.

• 35:30Andrew Santino?

  I got I got my car towed in Costa Mesa. I went to do a show and it was a bunch of, you know, Marines or whatever, you know, the um, the bases right there. And I got invited to go to their apartment complex and a fight broke out. And then I tried to get in the car and drive back to LA and I got pulled over in the apartment complex.

• 35:48Speaker 05

  Oh, my god.

• 35:49Andrew Santino?

  And the cop was like, this is 15 years ago, and the cop was like, you drinking and driving? And I was like, no, I just wanted to leave. I didn't want to get involved with this, like, a huge fight broke out in the courtyard. It was all these like army kids. And he was like, uh, well, you're you're fucked. Like, if I found out you've been drinking, you're going to fucking jail. And I don't even know why the hand of God, this woman helped me. This other cop comes out and was like, she's like, what's the deal? Were you fighting? I said, I swear on my life, you can ask me anyone, I wasn't fighting. The male cop walks away. He'd given me the whole like, you're fucked. Like, you're absolutely fucked. I'm gonna make you blow. You know that, right? And I was like, fuck, dude, I'm gonna get a DUI. And she's like, if you weren't fighting, if you're not lying to me, I'm not, I won't give you DUI, but if you were involved at all in this fight, you're going to jail.

• 36:31Andrew Santino?

  She goes around and asks, and all these guys were rad. They're like, no, we're at a show. He's fucking rad. He was not in the fight. Like, they were all standing up for me. And I was like, I told you. And she was like, okay, good. Well, look, we're gonna tow your car. It's parked illegally. You have to find a way to sleep over here for the night. You're not gonna drive home. So I go up to all these like Marines and I was like.

• 36:47Speaker 05

  Oh, my god.

• 36:48Andrew Santino?

  I was like, can I sleep over? Can I sleep over? And I just met these guys. They're like, no, no, we got. And then one dude was like, you're the comedian? I was like, yeah. He's like, you sleep in my house, man? And this guy let me sleep on his fucking floor. And then he drove me. Drove me the next morning to get the, in Laguna, to get my car out of the fucking tow yard. One of the sweetest kids. I wish I remember that fucking guy's name. But he helped me the fuck out. We drank all night. We just sat in his apartment and just drank.

• 37:11Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 37:12Andrew Santino?

  And I was like, my fucking girlfriend's gonna kill me, because it was her car. Her car got fucking tow. I was like, she's gonna be so fucking mad. And she called a hundred times and I was like, I'm not gonna answer. I'm just not gonna answer. Because she'll be like, where are you? I was like, I was drinking and driving. I'm sleeping at an army guy's house. What the fuck was I supposed to say?

• 37:28Speaker 05

  What?

• 37:29Andrew Santino?

  I got so lucky I didn't get a DUI. I mean, I don't know why she wanted to help me, but she's like, if you were not involved in this, and she goes, I will let you go, but if I find out that you were even remotely involved in this fight, you're, I'm putting you in jail right now. It was, dude, I don't know why she wanted to help me, but the guy was like, you're fu- He was like in my face. He was like, oh, I'm gonna make you blow. You're gonna fucking blow. And I know you're blown over. I can smell it. And I'm like trembling. I'm 26 and I'm like, huh, please don't kill me. I fucked dude. But by the way, if we're gonna be serious for a second?

• 38:00Speaker 05

  No.

• 38:01Andrew Santino?

  Never drove again.

• 38:02Speaker 05

  Oh, yeah.

• 38:03Andrew Santino?

  Never, I never, I'm not kidding. After that ticket, I never got into a car, unless I had like one at dinner, okay? But I'm saying, when I went out drinking, I never got into a car ever again.

• 38:12Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 38:13Andrew Santino?

  And did like the fucking-

• 38:14Speaker 05

  It's the worst thing you can do. The people, anybody that drinks and drives in this day and age is like-

• 38:18Andrew Santino?

  It's really stupid. Well, it's too convenient.

• 38:20Speaker 05

  I mean, it's stupid anyway, but-

• 38:22Andrew Santino?

  But now, dude, you can get, it's so, it's so easy-

• 38:24Speaker 05

  It's really crazy that anybody would get a DUI.

• 38:25Andrew Santino?

  But back then it was, in LA especially, it was like, well, we have to drive.

• 38:29Speaker 05

  You're like, I gotta get home.

• 38:30Andrew Santino?

  How am I, I don't, there's no other way to get-

• 38:31Speaker 05

  So I started, like, I would sleep in my car, like, in the backseat.

• 38:34Andrew Santino?

  Oh, I've done that.

• 38:35Speaker 05

  Which is still illegal, but it's like, it's better than getting behind the fucking wheel.

• 38:39Andrew Santino?

  I don't, why is that illegal? If the keys are not in the ignition, it's not, it's okay, right?

• 38:42Speaker 05

  I don't know, because if you're blacked out, you're all of a sudden, you know,

• 38:45Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, you might.

• 38:46Speaker 05

  Fucking plan F1.

• 38:46Andrew Santino?

  You might have drove, yeah.

• 38:48Speaker 05

  Um, so I got out of, I got kicked out of the city of Laguna. I had a police escort, true story. I was staying at this resort and I would do this thing, I was back in the day when I was making all this money. I would pay for everything, so all my friends, I would go like, hey, let's go to Laguna. God, go to this resort, I'll get the hotel rooms, like fucking eight rooms. And we would just rage the whole weekend. I mean, Thursday to Monday, game on. So this resort, it's the second time I had been there. And they, um, there was like, it was three in the morning and my buddy had slammed the door really loud. And that, that hallway was right by the front desk. So this manager was like, had it with us.

• 39:30Andrew Santino?

  Right.

• 39:30Speaker 05

  We were like, we were just, we were pretty wild. So he's like, no, so he comes to the room, he's like, out, all of you out. And I'm like, okay, so I thought he meant just the room. So he grabs me and he knew who I was and he was like, you and all your fucking friends, out of this resort now, I called the police. So yeah, it's true stories, there's eight of us. So the police show up, they're like, hey, what's going on? Then they see me and they're like, and it was funny for them, so they're like, really, Terry from Reno 911? This is like 20 years ago. They were like, seriously? I'm like, I'm really sorry, we just, it was an accident, he slammed the door. I go, we're really polite people, we just were partying. And they were like, well, they filed a complaint, they called us, we've, you have to leave the city. And they're like, are any of you at all sober?

• 40:15Andrew Santino?

  No.

• 40:16Speaker 05

  And one of my friends, big dude, he was like, I mean, I probably drank the least, so they breathalyzed him, he was a notch below legal.

• 40:24Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, .07.

• 40:25Speaker 05

  Okay, well, we're getting, we gotta escort you out. And we're like, what do you mean? And so they, uh, no, my friend had an SUV. So we piled in, eight of us, piled in an SUV. They fucking drove us to Irvine.

• 40:38Andrew Santino?

  No.

• 40:38Speaker 05

  And went to a Holiday Inn. And they went to a Holiday Inn and the police walked in, they're like, do you have availability? And they're like, yeah, we have, you know, we have like three rooms. And they're like, okay. And I paid for it and we all just crashed at the Holiday Inn. It was like three in the morning.

• 40:53Andrew Santino?

  Kicked out of Laguna, so rad.

• 40:54Speaker 05

  Kicked out of a fucking city. Police escort.

• 40:59Speaker 05

  So, pretty stoked about that.

• 41:01Andrew Santino?

  Those are dangerous days and we're happy they're gone.

• 41:03Speaker 05

  So.

• 41:04Andrew Santino?

  Still didn't drink and fucking drive, yeah.

• 41:06Speaker 05

  No, my buddy was legal.

• 41:07Andrew Santino?

  And it's funny because where we come from, we were talking at breakfast about Midwest shit. Because in the Midwest, there's like, it's just a cus- nobody thinks about, like, everybody drinks and they all drink and drive. They literally all drink and drive. Like, everyone in the Midwest does that. If you live in the rural, if you live in the city, no. But if you live in the rural areas, everybody drinks and drives.

• 41:25Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 41:25Andrew Santino?

  In Wisconsin, look this up, I think we talked about this. There was like a record-setting amount of DUIs this, this guy or this, maybe it was a lady had. Because in Wisconsin, there was no, you know how it's three strikes, you're out here? Like, if you get three, your license is like indefinitely suspended? Wisconsin, for the longest time, had no limit on DUIs.

• 41:43Speaker 05

  You get promoted, I think, after four.

• 41:45Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, you become president.

• 41:46Speaker 05

  They call your job and you're like, this guy's got balls.

• 41:48Andrew Santino?

  You're the president of Wisconsin.

• 41:49Speaker 05

  Move him up.

• 41:50Speaker 06

  Wallace C. Bowers has 18.

• 41:53Andrew Santino?

  18.

• 41:53Speaker 06

  Dating back to 1988.

• 41:54Andrew Santino?

  The guy is cruel.

• 41:55Speaker 05

  18 what?

• 41:56Andrew Santino?

  18 DUIs.

• 41:57Speaker 05

  Oh, that's one human.

• 41:58Andrew Santino?

  One guy has 18 DUIs.

• 41:59Speaker 06

  I guess this guy from Minnesota has gotten 28.

• 42:02Speaker 05

  Yeah, motherfucker.

• 42:03Andrew Santino?

  Well, you guys don't have a limit?

• 42:04Speaker 05

  Yeah, dog.

• 42:05Speaker 06

  That's so embarrassing.

• 42:06Speaker 05

  Minnesota, 28. Oh my god.

• 42:09Andrew Santino?

  Did you Google who has the most DUIs in the United States?

• 42:11Speaker 06

  This guy, his name, uh...

• 42:13Speaker 05

  Bob Lee.

• 42:13Speaker 06

  Danny, Danny Betcher.

• 42:15Andrew Santino?

  Oh, you Betcher.

• 42:16Speaker 06

  He has 28 and he just died.

• 42:18Andrew Santino?

  Let's give it up for Dan.

• 42:19Speaker 05

  How did he die? Does it say?

• 42:21Andrew Santino?

  Let me guess, let me guess.

• 42:22Speaker 05

  Seabreeze.

• 42:25Andrew Santino?

  What do you have, a Topo Chico? Couple too many Topos?

• 42:29Speaker 06

  He died of a heart attack. Unexpectedly at his home of natural causes.

• 42:32Andrew Santino?

  Well, yeah, you naturally died of drinking too much.

• 42:33Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 42:34Andrew Santino?

  That's natural.

• 42:34Speaker 05

  Naturally.

• 42:35Andrew Santino?

  Naturally, this would happen.

• 42:36Speaker 05

  Yeah, your liver naturally exploded.

• 42:37Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, naturally, you just die.

• 42:38Speaker 05

  Well, that's also a shout out to Brooks Whalen. We were just talking about our friend Brooks. I saw a clip of Brooks addressing that where he's like, and that happened to me too, because being from Minnesota and Brooks is from Chicago.

• 42:48Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, well, he's from Iowa, but yes.

• 42:49Speaker 05

  He's from Iowa, so Midwest.

• 42:50Andrew Santino?

  It's ours.

• 42:51Speaker 05

  But he said that, um, when he moved to LA and he was drinking socially, people were like... Whoa, like what the, you know how much he just drank and he was like, yeah, I was like drinking on the way here. You know what I mean, I'm paraphrasing his bit, but essentially that's where people, um, when I would go to bars in LA or even like not even San Diego or stuff like that, people would be like, what in the fuck, man? I'm like, that's just how I roll, like

• 43:19Andrew Santino?

  Just having a couple.

• 43:19Speaker 05

  Midwest and people in the comments can leave like, or you know, east coast is like that, I mean even the south, it's just certain places where it's not a subculture where it's like, it's just part of the drill.

• 43:30Andrew Santino?

  Right.

• 43:31Speaker 05

  When you wake up, you know, especially, you know, if you don't have to work or something, you just go to the bar.

• 43:35Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, well, it's also

• 43:36Speaker 05

  Drink all day.

• 43:37Andrew Santino?

  You, you drink all day because it's, and also brunch, brunch is a thing in Los Angeles.

• 43:42Speaker 05

  Brunch is a big thing.

• 43:43Andrew Santino?

  But brunch in the Midwest is, we're gonna get tanked. Brunch here is like, people wanna go out and be seen and hang out. In the Midwest, you're going to get absolutely fucking annihilated. It's not, it's not, it's, it's, it's, it's too drink. People here go to have brunch and they don't really drink. Brunch in the Midwest means we're gonna get fucked up. Brunch out here means we're going to have a late breakfast.

• 44:05Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 44:05Andrew Santino?

  That's, it's so funny, cause when I go home, my sister's like, brunch? I'm like, no dude, I can't today, come on.

• 44:11Speaker 05

  Well chicks, chicks are into brunch, a bottomless mimosa.

• 44:14Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, but my sister, my sister can fucking party. He's partying with my sister. She's Midwest, she's like, let's go to brunch. And I know what she means. She wants to get fucking ripped. She wants to get ripped into the night and then me pay for a fancy dinner. That's usually what happens. So she's like, do you wanna go to a Michelin restaurant while we're hammered? And I'm like, fuck yeah.

• 44:33Speaker 05

  That's when you should really experience a thousand dollar meal.

• 44:36Andrew Santino?

  It is fu- honestly, it's actually fucking funny. It's actually the best to show up wasted to a nice restaurant.

• 44:42Speaker 05

  I mean, I've done that.

• 44:43Andrew Santino?

  Your expectations of be- like whenever you go sober to a nice restaurant and you're like, you expect, you just like are expecting so much and it always kinda lets you down a little bit. You're like, this was good, I guess. But when you're hammered and you walk in late wearing whatever you wore from earlier in the day.

• 44:56Speaker 05

  Right.

• 44:57Andrew Santino?

  Way funnier. It's way more fun of a night.

• 44:59Speaker 05

  Meanwhile, Andrew, when he's talking about his restaurants, he's talking about Panda Express. So, when he's disappointed in the meal, it's because, yeah.

• 45:07Andrew Santino?

  Look, I'll loan me some money, dude. Please?

• 45:09Speaker 05

  And maybe I will.

• 45:10Andrew Santino?

  Sebastian.

• 45:12Speaker 05

  What?

• 45:12Andrew Santino?

  Maybe I will. Have you been to these restaurants? I love him dude. He's like one of the greatest guys alive.

• 45:20Speaker 05

  Sebastian did one of the craziest things. When he was first starting out, I remember there was a room in Vegas. And it's a quick story, but.

• 45:26Andrew Santino?

  What was the room?

• 45:27Speaker 05

  Beechers Madhouse.

• 45:27Andrew Santino?

  Oh yeah, oh yeah.

• 45:28Speaker 05

  And people would do stand up and it was a big crazy variety show.

• 45:31Andrew Santino?

  Tell them about Beechers in LA.

• 45:33Speaker 05

  Beechers in LA is, I think at the Roosevelt?

• 45:35Andrew Santino?

  Is it around still?

• 45:36Speaker 05

  I don't know.

• 45:37Andrew Santino?

  They used to put little people.

• 45:38Speaker 05

  Beechers Madhouse was a wild show at the Hard Rock in Vegas. And it was a variety show, so they'd have sword swallowers, you know, little people doing crazy things.

• 45:45Andrew Santino?

  Little people on track lines on the ceiling and they'd pour shots in your mouth.

• 45:47Speaker 05

  Yeah, it was just a wild ass show. It would start at midnight. But they would have stand ups and I never wanted to do it. Jeff Beechers is a good friend of mine.

• 45:53Andrew Santino?

  Yeah.

• 45:53Speaker 05

  But I was like, this isn't like a stand up vibe. So anyway, long story short, Sebastian did it. And they were, the crowd was unruly and they weren't listening, but he was so funny. And he just kept his cadence like, Ross dressed for less. You ever got, and then people started listening and then he ended up killing.

• 46:08Andrew Santino?

  Of course.

• 46:08Speaker 05

  And I was, I was so proud of him. It was such a great set.

• 46:11Andrew Santino?

  To kill in those Vegas rooms are impossible. They're, it's like doing corporate gigs. It's so fucking hard. It's agonizing.

• 46:17Speaker 05

  I just did Vegas sober. I'm at the Venetian. I have a residency there now. Cause the Mirage, they fucking tore down. So sad.

• 46:23Andrew Santino?

  Sad that the Mirage is gone.

• 46:24Speaker 05

  I know. I love the Mirage.

• 46:25Andrew Santino?

  But the Venetian's still good.

• 46:26Speaker 05

  Venetian's great. They're phenomenal.

• 46:28Andrew Santino?

  Yeah.

• 46:28Speaker 05

  But it's funny. So I did, the last time I did it sober. And Vegas, when you're not drinking is fucking wild.

• 46:35Andrew Santino?

  You gotta fly in, fly out.

• 46:36Speaker 05

  Well, you're just like, you look at people and you're like, am I in like the bar in Star Wars? You know what I mean? You're like, whoa, like people are just like.

• 46:50Speaker 05

  And you're like, whoa, get me the fuck back to my room. It's just.

• 46:54Andrew Santino?

  It is, it is, it is, it is bad. Especially if you're at, it depends on what level of hotel you're at too. Cause as you go down, they go wilder.

• 47:01Speaker 05

  Oh yeah.

• 47:02Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, like I did the, um. I did Kimmel's Club when it first opened. Have you ever done that?

• 47:08Speaker 05

  No. I've never done a club in Vegas.

• 47:10Andrew Santino?

  I don't know if he has a club there anymore still. Brad Garrett had one. Laugh Factory, I did that one time.

• 47:15Speaker 05

  Comedy Cellar, right?

• 47:16Andrew Santino?

  That's newer. Yeah, the Cellar I've never done. Cause you do like a week. I think you do literally the whole week. No, no, no. No, no, no. But I remember doing Laugh Factory for the first time there and you get to eat in the bowels where the staff eats, like in the basement. And it's a, it's like a buffet in the basement. And it's the saddest, dude, it's-

• 47:35Speaker 05

  Buffet of what? Just rats?

• 47:38Andrew Santino?

  Just rats. Just little rats. Yeah, little tiny rats. Old Band-Aids. It was the saddest fucking thing, dude.

• 47:44Speaker 05

  Band-Aid marinara?

• 47:45Andrew Santino?

  Mmm. It was so, so sad, dude. And I, and I remember thinking, I hope I never have to do this ever again and eat with the fucking staff. But I couldn't afford, I didn't, couldn't really afford to go out to eat. So I was like, I'm gonna eat the free meals. I don't care that it's in the fucking basement of Vegas. That will make you sad, though. That will make you go, well, the Vegas is the wor- This is the worst city in the world. You're like watching the staff eat in a windowless basement, marinara, Band-Aids, and it does something to your psyche where you're like, I should quit comedy. This isn't really working out.

• 48:15Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 48:16Andrew Santino?

  I've done that-

• 48:17Speaker 05

  You should.

• 48:17Andrew Santino?

  I know. I, I, dude-

• 48:19Speaker 05

  You should.

• 48:19Andrew Santino?

  This is it for me.

• 48:21Speaker 05

  That's why I'm here. Everybody, Andrew.

• 48:24Andrew Santino?

  I wanna quit. Trust me. Get me the fuck out of this shit. We just talked about retiring at 60. You're done.

• 48:29Speaker 05

  I know. That's why I don't tell people I'm gonna quit. I'm, I'm done drinking. Cause I don't know. I feel like later on in life, cause you know, I'm not gonna get into the Key West shit. But I lived in Key West for a year and a half, Florida, and then I, when I saw people that were just super happy. And they were just, they were old, like retired people, and they were drinking and seeing live music and like, that felt really nice.

• 48:50Andrew Santino?

  That is the way to go. Well, we, I said this the other day. We said this at breakfast, but I said this the other day. We were sitting on the campfire drinking at my mom's house. And I said, I know that this is gonna take years off of my life. They always say like, drinking and smoking takes years off your life in the latter half. I'll lose my nineties to be able to have nights like that still. I don't fucking care.

• 49:10Speaker 05

  Right.

• 49:10Andrew Santino?

  Fuck my nineties, fuck my late eighties. I don't give a shit. So someone's like, you could have lived till ninety-two. Don't want to. I'll lose the fucking twelve years and die at eighty if I get to keep having fun with people I love. That's significantly more important to me.

• 49:24Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 49:25Andrew Santino?

  Cause my grandmother got old, we talked about this, my grandmother got old at ninety-two, miserable. She was alone, she couldn't even like have, all her friends were dead. Her sister died and she was like, I wish that was me. She was miserable.

• 49:37Speaker 05

  That's one of my favorite quotes ever, your grandma saying her sister dying and like, I wish that was me. I mean, yeah, we were talking about, like, I mentioned Joan Rivers, Joan Rivers documentary. And there's a really poignant, heavy moment where, um, can you look up how old Joan Rivers was when she died?

• 49:55Andrew Santino?

  She lived a long fucking time. Yeah, I think it was ninety-four?

• 49:58Speaker 05

  And she was, she was really sad and saying she misses her, her friends, cause she's so old that she has nobody to relate to or nobody to reminisce with.

• 50:07Andrew Santino?

  Yeah.

• 50:08Speaker 05

  And there's nobody to share stories. And it's really heavy moment.

• 50:12Andrew Santino?

  When you said that, there's no one left to share stories with, makes my heart hurt, cause you're like, you can see people, like my grandmother, we could visit her, people would go all the time. I mean, she almost saw someone every day. But like her, my grandpa was dead a long time. She's still alone, even though people are coming over, and there's no one to share stories with of like, remember when we, like me and you, we could, I could be like, remember when we got fucked up and da-da-da-da, Barney's Beanery? They're gone, you can't, and you can't relay that to someone who wasn't there, be like, me and Nick used to blackout at Barney's.

• 50:42Speaker 05

  Yeah, you can't even.

• 50:43Andrew Santino?

  And nobody gives a shit.

• 50:45Speaker 05

  Before the robots took over, that's what it's gonna be. I feel like Bob, Bob Lee will be the last person alive.

• 50:53Andrew Santino?

  Oh, he'll, I'll live all of us.

• 50:54Speaker 05

  That would be amazing. He's like two hundred in a padded room, just like, oh!

• 51:00Speaker 05

  Just laughing and talking to the wall. The robots are just zapping his little penis.

• 51:08Andrew Santino?

  Another blowjob Bobby?

• 51:11Andrew Santino?

  Yet another blowjob Bobby?

• 51:14Speaker 06

  Joan was only eighty-one.

• 51:16Andrew Santino?

  What?

• 51:17Speaker 05

  No way.

• 51:18Andrew Santino?

  I feel like she lived in her nineties.

• 51:19Speaker 05

  She just looked sixteen.

• 51:21Andrew Santino?

  I'm thinking about, I'm thinking about what's her name? I'm not thinking Joan Rivers, I'm thinking of fucking-

• 51:25Speaker 06

  Betty White?

• 51:26Andrew Santino?

  Betty White, she lived to be ninety-something.

• 51:28Speaker 05

  No, Betty White was almost a hundred.

• 51:30Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, she was ninety-nine. See, that's who I was thinking of, she lived a long time. Why did Joan Rivers, I feel like Joan Rivers lived so long? Maybe because her career was so rich for so long? Like she would, she, I think she made it when she was young, right? I mean, she first did Carson, she was what, twenty? She had to have been twenty-two, twenty-three?

• 51:46Speaker 06

  She was born in the thirties still, she was born in nineteen thirty-three.

• 51:48Andrew Santino?

  Oh, she was?

• 51:49Speaker 06

  Yeah, she died in twenty fourteen.

• 51:51Andrew Santino?

  She was maybe, she was maybe in her thirties when she did Carson? But she looked so young when you saw her do Carson, do you ever watch her on those clips?

• 51:57Speaker 05

  Oh yeah, she's amazing.

• 51:58Andrew Santino?

  She was so fucking funny. And, and honestly, like, you could tell the time when a lot of those male comics would go on there, or male personalities, and they would kind of shit on her being like, "Oh yeah, a little lady comic coming to the show", and she would fucking annihilate everybody.

• 52:11Speaker 05

  Yeah, she would bring the heat.

• 52:12Andrew Santino?

  She was so much quicker than everybody, but they kind of, of course, at the time period, they were like, "You got a little chick comic on the show, and fucking little lady comic, what is she gonna do?"

• 52:20Speaker 05

  That's how everybody talked.

• 52:21Speaker 06

  She made her first appearance at the age of thirty-two.

• 52:23Andrew Santino?

  Thirty-two, yeah.

• 52:24Speaker 06

  In nineteen sixty-five.

• 52:25Andrew Santino?

  But think about that, thirty-two back then? And how many other female comics? As a woman on fucking The Tonight Show? Impossible.

• 52:31Speaker 06

  Thirty-two, very young.

• 52:32Andrew Santino?

  Yeah.

• 52:32Speaker 05

  Yeah, I mean, she was probably one of the first big female stand-ups.

• 52:37Andrew Santino?

  A hundred percent, yeah.

• 52:37Speaker 05

  Yeah, because I don't know-

• 52:39Andrew Santino?

  No, no, she was. I don't know if there's anybody that even preceded her, but I think like-

• 52:42Speaker 05

  Yeah, I'm trying to think of who even preceded her.

• 52:45Andrew Santino?

  There were people around her la- later in life, there, there performers that came up. But I guess then you gotta get into the world of like Catskills, like a lot of people that were singers and talkers.

• 52:53Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 52:54Andrew Santino?

  Does that count too? People that did like, the, the, the run, you know, in the Catskills and did like, what are they, it's like, music and also-

• 53:02Speaker 06

  Like Vaudeville?

• 53:03Andrew Santino?

  Vaudeville and shit.

• 53:04Speaker 06

  Like George Burns and Gracie Allen.

• 53:05Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, so that kind of is the similar, but she's more traditional stand-up.

• 53:09Speaker 05

  Yeah, she's like a stand-up.

• 53:10Andrew Santino?

  Who, who is, give me your, give me the most overrated stand-up of the past from your, like who do you think that people always love?

• 53:16Speaker 05

  I don't wanna do that.

• 53:17Andrew Santino?

  Come on!

• 53:18Speaker 05

  I just don't.

• 53:20Andrew Santino?

  Who did you never like that everybody liked?

• 53:23Andrew Santino?

  How about this, who did you like that no one liked? That's even better, that's easier.

• 53:26Speaker 05

  Um...

• 53:27Andrew Santino?

  Who did you always, who you're like, "I can't believe this person was never more famous, because they're so funny."

• 53:33Speaker 05

  I don't know.

• 53:35Andrew Santino?

  There's no one that didn't blow up that you...

• 53:37Speaker 05

  I can't think of...

• 53:42Speaker 05

  That nobody liked?

• 53:44Andrew Santino?

  Not that no one liked, that just never got to the level that you think they should, that they deserved.

• 53:49Speaker 05

  The older I got, I realized there's a big difference between a great stand-up and a great actor.

• 53:54Andrew Santino?

  Huh.

• 53:54Speaker 05

  You know what I mean? So like, let's say there are comedians that are great comics, and then people go like, "Yeah, why aren't they like a massive star?" And it's like, "Well, some people can't be that."

• 54:04Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, right.

• 54:05Speaker 05

  Some people don't know how to transition to like Jim Carrey, Adam Sandler, Eddie Murphy, you know what I mean? It's, that skillset is so different.

• 54:12Andrew Santino?

  It's super hard, yeah.

• 54:13Speaker 05

  So there's certain people that, like a guy like Brian Regan, isn't a major television film star. Phenomenal comic.

• 54:20Andrew Santino?

  Such a great comic.

• 54:21Speaker 05

  And been great forever.

• 54:22Andrew Santino?

  Yeah.

• 54:23Speaker 05

  But it's like, so I don't see that as like, "Oh, he never made it." Because he's a fucking millionaire, great stand-up.

• 54:29Andrew Santino?

  I've had fun with him.

• 54:30Speaker 05

  You know what I mean? So like, that's my take on that.

• 54:32Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, he's a bad boy.

• 54:34Speaker 05

  The whole thing of like, "They never made it," you know?

• 54:37Andrew Santino?

  Well, they made it, it's just they never, people want to see them in the other world too.

• 54:39Speaker 05

  No, they didn't fucking suck you up! Is what you're saying!

• 54:44Andrew Santino?

  We went out with...

• 54:45Speaker 05

  Cut to Bob Lee!

• 54:46Andrew Santino?

  We went out with Regan in Boston, and got, oh no, Philly, and got fucking smushed, and his buddy fell up the stairs. At the fucking bar.

• 54:55Speaker 05

  Jesus, lord.

• 54:55Andrew Santino?

  And the bouncer comes up, we fell up, he fell upstairs, and the bouncer came up to me, he goes, "Hey man, I'm a big fan." I was like, "Thanks." He's like, "But your buddy is not gonna be able to stay here long." I was like, "All right, it's not my buddy, it's our buddy, but is it cool if we just sit him down and have him, like, water?" And he's like, "Yeah dude, but if I see booze going near that guy, you guys are fucking out of here." Like, when we, he was like this at the front.

• 55:16Speaker 05

  Yeah, that's the worst.

• 55:17Andrew Santino?

  And Regan was like, holding him like, "Chill dude, be cool."

• 55:22Speaker 05

  "Hey chill, hey chill out."

• 55:23Andrew Santino?

  Chill out.

• 55:24Speaker 05

  "Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, put the, drink the water, drink the water."

• 55:30Speaker 05

  That's what he said. And the poor dude, he was walking upstairs and just face planted going, "Oh no! Oh no! Look at Ricky! Oh no! Ricky!" Okay. That's so good. I love Brian. He's the man. Big fan.

• 55:44Speaker 02

  In here, we pour whiskey.

• 55:47Andrew Santino?

  This episode of Whiskey Ginger is brought to you by BetterHelp. Want to talk about it because you should be talking about it, alright? How about that? Genuinely, I do think it is very important to chat some stuff out with people. And we oftentimes turn to funny places for support. Not everyone's a therapist, alright? Not everyone is the one. Find your right match with BetterHelp. I love to solve my problems by talking it out. I think it helps a lot. As I get older, I get more in tune to that and BetterHelp. Therapists work according to a strict code of conduct and are fully licensed in the United States. They're flexible, do it from anywhere. Over 30,000 therapists, that's so much. They're the world's largest online therapy platform. They've served over 5 million people globally. It's very convenient. You can join a session, do it from the comfort of your home or your car.

• 56:32Andrew Santino?

  Wherever it is you are, BetterHelp can be there to help you. I don't know why you're putting it off. It's time to talk to someone about whatever it may be, no matter how big, no matter how small. You can find the one with BetterHelp. Our listeners get 10% off their first month at betterhelp.com/whiskey. That's betterhelp, better H E L P dot com slash whiskey. Hims can't solve snoring or blanket stealing, but when it comes to performance, they got you covered. Take control of ED with personalized treatments made with proven ingredients prescribed by licensed providers 100% done online. ED makes you feel like you're out of control sometimes, you don't have control. We'll take it back. Grab that stick and move it into gear, baby. With personalized treatment options, including daily meds that support more spontaneous moments. ED is more common than you think, okay? Millions of people have it, who cares?

• 57:16Andrew Santino?

  And Hims offers ED treatment that is convenient and, by the way, 95% less than brand names if you're prescribed. It's very easy. Think of Hims as your digital front door that gets you back to your old self. It's simple, 100% done, online access to trusted treatments for ED and more, all in one place. To get simple online access to personalized, affordable care for ED, hair loss, weight loss, and more, visit hims.com/whiskey. That's hims.com/whiskey for your free online visit. Hims.com/whiskey. Actual price will depend on product and subscription plan feature. Products include compounded drug products which the FDA does not approve of or verify for safety, effectiveness, or quality. Prescription required. See website for details, restrictions, and important safety information.

• 58:01Speaker 05

  Oh, you mentioned Barney's Beanery, that was a place I used to drink a lot.

• 58:04Andrew Santino?

  I've drank with you at Barney's Beanery before.

• 58:06Speaker 05

  Yeah, West Hollywood.

• 58:07Andrew Santino?

  Rest in peace Barney's Beanery, no more.

• 58:09Speaker 05

  Uh, no, it's still there.

• 58:10Andrew Santino?

  Mm-hmm.

• 58:11Speaker 05

  So, I'm at the bar and I'm drinking with all the old timers.

• 58:14Andrew Santino?

  Yeah.

• 58:15Speaker 05

  And, uh, some young people, but like a lot of older, and we were just regaling drinking stories. We were regaling like, you know, heavy drinking and, you know, just, you know, whatever. And there's a guy in the corner, and I didn't know who this guy was. And, uh, so we were talking about like being hospitalized and blah, blah, blah, and this guy goes, "Hey man, you ever, uh, you ever see the guy with the knife and the top hat?" And we were like, "What do you mean?" Did I tell this story?

• 58:42Andrew Santino?

  No.

• 58:43Speaker 05

  And we're like, "What are you talking about?" He goes, "You know, when you're going through withdrawals and you see the guy with the knife and the top hat?" And we were all like, "Yeah, man, I don't, you're talking about drinking, right?" "No, no, I haven't seen that one." And the guy fucking wouldn't let it go, he's like, "The guy with the knife and the top hat in the corner, yeah, you know what I mean?" And we were like, "Yeah, no, we're good."

• 59:05Andrew Santino?

  Never seen that guy, man.

• 59:07Speaker 05

  Yeah, it was like, I'll never forget that, the guy, I don't know what this guy's seen, what the fuck he was drinking. No, we're not pouring up, we don't have a fire hose of nail polish remover in our asshole. Like, what? What's going on here, guy?

• 59:20Andrew Santino?

  You're going through withdrawals, man, and he was obviously getting cooked again, it's not like he was sober, he was getting fucked up again.

• 59:24Speaker 05

  Oh, yeah, no, he was not so Barney Weaver.

• 59:26Andrew Santino?

  I do like the guys that get sober and they go to the bar and they just sit and drink water, because they miss that place.

• 59:32Speaker 05

  Well, yeah, that's the thing about like social drinking, I just, I liked being at the bar. It's not that hard to sit at a bar, I mean, for me, that, I-

• 59:39Andrew Santino?

  For me, it's hard.

• 59:40Speaker 05

  It's all different, yeah, I mean-

• 59:41Andrew Santino?

  I don't think I can go to a bar and not have a, I can go to a bar that's like a hang, that's like a restaurant too, but if I go to like just a bar bar, I can't, I don't-

• 59:49Speaker 05

  But what if you go to like, so you couldn't go to Buffalo Wild Wings and watch a football game?

• 59:54Andrew Santino?

  No, I can't because that's a restaurant, that's what I'm saying, but if it's just a bar bar, if it's just a bar.

• 59:58Speaker 05

  Right.

• 59:58Andrew Santino?

  Where it's, but I mean, I have friends-

• 1:00:01Speaker 05

  We talked about that, like a dive bar, I'm not going into like-

• 1:00:03Andrew Santino?

  But I have friends that go to those and they can, they can do it, I'm, I'm a little jealous, I can't do it.

• 1:00:07Speaker 05

  You're jealous of them?

• 1:00:08Andrew Santino?

  I just want to be able to do that, I'm like, why can't I-

• 1:00:09Speaker 05

  Why don't you go to the make out?

• 1:00:11Andrew Santino?

  I'm not gonna make out with anybody, Nick, be a pervert, dude.

• 1:00:14Speaker 05

  It's so weird, yeah.

• 1:00:17Andrew Santino?

  You're fucking, fuck you.

• 1:00:18Speaker 05

  You're fucking-

• 1:00:19Andrew Santino?

  I hate you, dude, I really kinda hate you, just a little bit.

• 1:00:22Speaker 05

  How funny would it be if Andrew died tonight?

• 1:00:26Andrew Santino?

  You say that.

• 1:00:27Speaker 05

  I know, I want my buddies to do that.

• 1:00:28Andrew Santino?

  You're gonna regret that dude.

• 1:00:29Speaker 05

  I know.

• 1:00:30Andrew Santino?

  Cause now I'm gonna die.

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• 1:01:59Speaker 00

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• 1:02:20Speaker 05

  My friend from Chicago, director, he would do this, he was a big drinker, and um, he rode a motorcycle, and he would do this. He wasn't wasted, but he would have drinks, and then he would get on his bike. And his favorite thing to do is pull away and go, "I'm gonna live forever," and drive away. He was a comedian, and he-

• 1:02:41Andrew Santino?

  That's so awful.

• 1:02:41Speaker 05

  And he just was like, "If I died, I'd want that to be my last words," and he would do it. So dark. Comedians are dark people, by the way.

• 1:02:49Andrew Santino?

  He's alive, though.

• 1:02:49Speaker 05

  He's totally alive. But it was like, and this is a long time ago.

• 1:02:53Andrew Santino?

  What do you want your last words to be?

• 1:02:54Speaker 05

  "Who let the dogs out?"

• 1:02:56Andrew Santino?

  Smile.

• 1:02:57Speaker 05

  I think everybody's, I think everybody wants that.

• 1:03:00Andrew Santino?

  You think that's everybody's?

• 1:03:01Speaker 05

  Yep. Better be. Or I quit, comedy.

• 1:03:05Andrew Santino?

  When are you gonna be on Toilet Head?

• 1:03:07Speaker 05

  Toilet Head hopefully will be out, which I recorded in Minneapolis, at Prince's Club, First Avenue.

• 1:03:12Andrew Santino?

  Whoa.

• 1:03:13Speaker 05

  Yeah, I'm the only comedian to ever do a special there, or, not many comedians have even done it. It's a famous legendary venue. Great, all the bands have come through there, it's iconic.

• 1:03:22Andrew Santino?

  Well, why did they, why did they let you do it? Did you put in a request for it?

• 1:03:25Speaker 05

  I hit him up and I was like, "Hey," cause I've, like, so there's two comedians on the wall, and this is a legendary wall, and it's me, I have a star, and Dave Chappelle.

• 1:03:33Andrew Santino?

  Whoa.

• 1:03:34Speaker 05

  But it was, it was cool, it was a really fun experience, and I'm, being from there, it's like iconic.

• 1:03:40Andrew Santino?

  Did Prince come? Did he show up?

• 1:03:41Speaker 05

  Yep.

• 1:03:42Andrew Santino?

  He did?

• 1:03:42Speaker 05

  He opened. Yeah, he opened the show.

• 1:03:45Andrew Santino?

  He ripped, huh?

• 1:03:46Speaker 05

  And closed. And featured. And I actually, I didn't, I wasn't there.

• 1:03:53Andrew Santino?

  I did my little special in Minnesota, and I told you when I was gonna do it, I was excited to do it, Pantages. And it was rad. It was like so much, the first, the first two, the first night, I just, I was like, things need to be changed. That was the thing I learned about specials, again, that I forget, cause I don't, I'm not like, people do them every year, I do them every like four years, or five years.

• 1:04:13Speaker 05

  Yeah, it's-

• 1:04:14Andrew Santino?

  But I forget about how much tech is in- Versus a regular show, so I was like, these lights need to be fucking gone. There were so many lights, it was so well lit, and I was like, they don't want to see each other.

• 1:04:25Speaker 05

  Right, yeah.

• 1:04:25Andrew Santino?

  And I was explaining to one of the people, I was like, "It looks beautiful what you guys did, but if they're looking at each other and cognizant of like the person laughing next to them, "It's not gonna be as fun." They want it to be this like, this little secret, this little like, they're in on it together. And then once we changed the lighting package, it was, it was so funny how, the second show was like a literal world of difference, you were like-

• 1:04:46Speaker 05

  It's way different, I mean, and people can leave in the comments, when you go to a comedy show, "You don't want it bright." I make sure, that's one of the things, is like, "As dark as you can."

• 1:04:56Andrew Santino?

  Yeah.

• 1:04:56Speaker 05

  Because, yeah, you don't want to-

• 1:04:58Andrew Santino?

  I love when somebody goes, when someone's not familiar with it, and they're like, "Isn't it too dark out there?" Like, it's, you want it pitch black, if you, if it could be pitch black with just them seeing just you, perfect.

• 1:05:08Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 1:05:08Andrew Santino?

  If it's not distracting for them getting up and fucking knocking into other people. I was like, it's, the darker, the better, because whenever there's a little bit too much light, "You can like see people's faces and they're looking around at other people, it's the weirdest fucking thing."

• 1:05:20Speaker 05

  Yeah, it's really weird.

• 1:05:21Andrew Santino?

  People don't want to see other, I think the psychology is, people don't want "Other people to see them laugh, because people are conscious about how you look when you laugh."

• 1:05:29Speaker 05

  Some people are self-conscious about their laughter.

• 1:05:31Andrew Santino?

  Yeah.

• 1:05:32Speaker 05

  And some people like, don't want them to know that you think something's funny that might be inappropriate, or-

• 1:05:37Andrew Santino?

  Right, yeah.

• 1:05:38Speaker 05

  That's why, and then, I'm curious also in the comments, "Do you think, um, a comedy show is a good first date?"

• 1:05:46Andrew Santino?

  Oh.

• 1:05:46Speaker 05

  I'm always curious about that, because in one sense, it gets out "That like, okay, I can know where this sense of humor, this person, like where they're at." Like, what they think is funny, because it's like that with movies, like, my movie Grandma's Boy that I did, "I have people go like, "Oh, this chick I dated hated the movie, so I knew this wasn't gonna last." Because it wasn't, we didn't have the same sense of humor.

• 1:06:09Andrew Santino?

  Right.

• 1:06:09Speaker 05

  So I'm just wondering if that's like that with stand-up.

• 1:06:11Andrew Santino?

  It's gotta be, right? Like, I went on a first date once to a stand-up show, "And was so, like, it was so nice, because she suggested it." This is before, like, I did, did stand-up, and she was like, "We should go see a comedy show," I was like, "Oh, this is amazing." That means like, I know she's, she's not gonna be uptight if I say some out-of-pocket nonsense.

• 1:06:30Speaker 05

  Right.

• 1:06:30Andrew Santino?

  She won't be like, "Oh my god."

• 1:06:32Speaker 05

  Who's your first show, Bob Lee?

• 1:06:34Andrew Santino?

  My first stand-up show was Pablo Francisco.

• 1:06:37Speaker 05

  Oh, wow.

• 1:06:38Andrew Santino?

  How crazy is that?

• 1:06:40Speaker 05

  That's not even that old.

• 1:06:41Andrew Santino?

  Tempe, Tempe Improv.

• 1:06:42Speaker 05

  Oh, yeah.

• 1:06:43Andrew Santino?

  It was when he was like, cruising, this was 2000 and- Four?

• 1:06:49Andrew Santino?

  No, two thousand and three.

• 1:06:51Speaker 05

  Whoa.

• 1:06:51Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, two thousand and three. Right, two thousand and three, yeah, it had to been then.

• 1:06:54Speaker 05

  Yeah, that had to be right, cuz he did.

• 1:06:56Andrew Santino?

  You say not that long ago, but isn't that great? That's twenty fucking years ago.

• 1:06:59Speaker 05

  I know, my first Comedy Central Presents was two thousand. So my first Comedy Central Presents, which was my first half hour special, was in two, the year two thousand.

• 1:07:07Andrew Santino?

  Twenty-five years ago.

• 1:07:08Speaker 05

  That's twenty-five years ago. So I did the math, not complicated, but twenty-five years from two thousand was nineteen seventy-five.

• 1:07:15Andrew Santino?

  Holy shit.

• 1:07:16Speaker 05

  So if I met a comic in two thousand and they're like, oh yeah, my first special was nineteen seventy-five, that would sound like a fucking

• 1:07:24Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, dude.

• 1:07:24Speaker 05

  So long ago, and it's so horrifying.

• 1:07:27Andrew Santino?

  It's only cuz the two thousands seemed to have like bled together for some reason.

• 1:07:30Speaker 05

  They've all bled together. That's my obsession right now, they've all bled together. Um, Pablo Francisco though is just a banger of a comedian.

• 1:07:37Andrew Santino?

  He was back then too.

• 1:07:38Speaker 05

  Was one of the strongest comedians of all time.

• 1:07:40Andrew Santino?

  He killed so fucking hard and I remember the whole show was The whole show was as much energy as one person could possibly distribute.

• 1:07:49Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 1:07:49Andrew Santino?

  He was fucking unreal.

• 1:07:51Speaker 05

  Yeah, it's wild.

• 1:07:51Andrew Santino?

  It was crazy, and we bought the CD afterwards and he signed every CD, back when people used to sell fucking CDs.

• 1:07:56Speaker 05

  Was it Need of the Groin?

• 1:07:57Andrew Santino?

  No, it was, uh, um.

• 1:08:01Andrew Santino?

  Oh! I'd tap my mom's house.

• 1:08:03Speaker 05

  Tap, tap, tap, tap, tap, tap, tap.

• 1:08:04Andrew Santino?

  What is it? What was Pablo's, uh, oh, it was his, it was two thousand and-

• 1:08:08Speaker 05

  Was it self-titled?

• 1:08:10Andrew Santino?

  Maybe it was self-titled. It, maybe it was Pablo Pablo.

• 1:08:12Speaker 06

  Was it Bits and Pieces?

• 1:08:13Andrew Santino?

  Bits and Pieces. Bits and Pieces, that's gotta be it.

• 1:08:16Speaker 05

  Okay.

• 1:08:16Andrew Santino?

  What year was Bits and Pieces?

• 1:08:17Speaker 06

  I'm pulling it up. Or was it Sausage in two thousand? No. Need of the Groin was in ninety-seven, Sausage was in two thousand, Three was in two thousand and three, Bits and Pieces, two thousand and four.

• 1:08:27Andrew Santino?

  Well, maybe it was oh four then, whatever he had just put out, cuz I was a sophomore in college. Freshman or sophomore, but we went to the Tempe Improv, and what's crazy about that is, I'm playing it in like a month and I've never played it, but I went to ASU And every time I went back to Arizona, I played everything but the Tempe Improv.

• 1:08:44Speaker 05

  That's so funny.

• 1:08:45Andrew Santino?

  And now when I go, I go back, I play, the theater's downtown, but I was like, I'm doing a club run, and my agent was like, you wanna go back to Stand Up Live or whatever the fuck and And I was like, I've never played the Tempe Improv, I kinda wanna play it.

• 1:08:56Speaker 05

  It's a great room.

• 1:08:57Andrew Santino?

  I can't believe I've never fucking played.

• 1:08:58Speaker 05

  I did my first, I cut my first album there.

• 1:09:00Andrew Santino?

  You did?

• 1:09:01Speaker 05

  Party was at Tempe Improv.

• 1:09:02Andrew Santino?

  No shit.

• 1:09:03Speaker 05

  When I started, that was, there were like five clubs that were game over murder factories of awesome. And Tempe Improv was in the top five, for sure.

• 1:09:13Andrew Santino?

  Well, they're, it's, it's surrounded by all the right elements. I mean, that's cool. Well, every time, that's another one. Every time I go back to Arizona, I wanna drink as much as I can.

• 1:09:22Speaker 05

  Really?

• 1:09:23Andrew Santino?

  The desert does something to me, dude. Desert nights.

• 1:09:25Speaker 05

  Weird.

• 1:09:26Andrew Santino?

  We used to sit on the roof and drink on desert nights and jump in the pool. Oh, come on, dude. It's the best.

• 1:09:31Speaker 05

  No.

• 1:09:31Andrew Santino?

  You don't like desert drinking?

• 1:09:32Speaker 05

  No.

• 1:09:33Andrew Santino?

  Don't, Nicky, don't.

• 1:09:34Speaker 05

  No.

• 1:09:35Andrew Santino?

  There he goes.

• 1:09:35Speaker 05

  I gotta go.

• 1:09:36Andrew Santino?

  No, no, no!

• 1:09:40Speaker 05

  No, I don't like drinking in dry heat, for some reason.

• 1:09:43Andrew Santino?

  Doesn't bother me. It's so nice at night. In the pool, drinking.

• 1:09:46Speaker 05

  Do you like summer or winter drinking?

• 1:09:48Andrew Santino?

  Winter, way more. Winter, winter's king.

• 1:09:51Speaker 05

  Right.

• 1:09:51Andrew Santino?

  Getting fucked up in the snow is my favorite thing in the world.

• 1:09:55Speaker 05

  Okay, why is that? Were you born in an igloo?

• 1:09:59Andrew Santino?

  Try it again.

• 1:10:01Speaker 05

  Why? Were you born in an igloo?

• 1:10:03Andrew Santino?

  That's good. I like winter drinking.

• 1:10:05Speaker 05

  Hey Andrew, was your dad a snowman?

• 1:10:09Andrew Santino?

  Mark Snowman.

• 1:10:11Speaker 05

  Oh, were you born on Christmas Eve?

• 1:10:16Andrew Santino?

  Is this gonna be in Toilet Head?

• 1:10:19Andrew Santino?

  What do you like? You like summer drinking more?

• 1:10:21Speaker 05

  Um.

• 1:10:21Andrew Santino?

  I think winter drinking is the best.

• 1:10:22Speaker 05

  I'm gonna say fall drinking. You got football, it's a little crisp, it's not tits up cold. And it's not summer hot sweat. Fall, dude.

• 1:10:32Andrew Santino?

  Fall is nice.

• 1:10:33Speaker 05

  A good October bender. You know what I'm saying? Start the first, and you go right into Halloween, squeeze in about four or five NFL games. And then fucking let's go, dude. You got a jack-o'-lantern up your asshole, and then you're fucking blowing Dracula. Game on. What were you saying?

• 1:10:55Speaker 05

  Okay, let me bring you to that. And we'll go to the comments, too.

• 1:10:58Andrew Santino?

  What, blowing Dracula?

• 1:10:59Speaker 05

  Yep. How many vampires? No. Um, favorite holiday to drink?

• 1:11:06Speaker 05

  Favorite drinking holiday and why?

• 1:11:08Andrew Santino?

  This is tough.

• 1:11:11Speaker 05

  I'm gonna, I'll step in with mine.

• 1:11:13Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, what's yours?

• 1:11:14Speaker 05

  I'm gonna say, honestly, with all the components, I'm gonna say, uh, Thanksgiving.

• 1:11:20Andrew Santino?

  No.

• 1:11:20Speaker 05

  Because the biggest bar night, in Minneapolis at least, was the night before Thanksgiving. The bars were fucking out of control. Everybody would go out because they had the day off, the next day, and all you were gonna do is have food made for you, and the food was bomb.

• 1:11:36Andrew Santino?

  Yeah.

• 1:11:36Speaker 05

  And it was, that to me, I always loved that. Then you would take a nap and then go out drinking the night of Thanksgiving.

• 1:11:42Andrew Santino?

  My favorite drinking holiday's gotta be the 4th of July.

• 1:11:44Speaker 05

  Yes.

• 1:11:45Andrew Santino?

  Yes. You know why?

• 1:11:46Speaker 05

  Why?

• 1:11:48Andrew Santino?

  Because I love, I love America, I love fireworks, I love, um, hot dogs. My dad would throw a party every year, a big rager, and also I moved to Los Angeles on the 4th of July, so it means something to me. Now, I'm being genuine, it was like, I moved here, I literally got in a truck and moved to LA, and I got here on the 4th of July and fireworks going off, and I was like, "I'm in LA."

• 1:12:12Speaker 05

  Yeah, but don't you think this, because I love 4th of July too, the only thing about LA is, that's way different than the Midwest, is fireworks and like, how crazy and wild it gets.

• 1:12:23Andrew Santino?

  It's insane.

• 1:12:24Speaker 05

  I've never found a 4th of July, I've had, I've had cool, like, 4th of Julies here, but the Midwest is like, you go to Wisconsin, you load up on fireworks, and then it's fucking Armageddon.

• 1:12:35Andrew Santino?

  Back it up, Terry. Yeah, it gets insane. Everybody get, everybody's almost ready to like, light their arm on fire.

• 1:12:41Speaker 05

  Wicked dangerous.

• 1:12:42Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, it's very di- but I just love drinking on the 4th, cuz it just, I don't know, I feel like everyone is so much nicer and happier on the 4th. Christmas is kinda stressful.

• 1:12:50Speaker 05

  Christmas, not a fan.

• 1:12:51Andrew Santino?

  Too stressful.

• 1:12:52Speaker 05

  Not a fan.

• 1:12:53Andrew Santino?

  Um, 9/11 is kinda fun.

• 1:12:57Andrew Santino?

  Kind of fun to drink. Well, it's a holiday.

• 1:13:00Speaker 05

  It is a holiday.

• 1:13:01Andrew Santino?

  Unless you forget.

• 1:13:02Speaker 05

  I never will.

• 1:13:03Andrew Santino?

  What about?

• 1:13:04Speaker 05

  My wait, hold on, my, one of my favorite 4th of July moments is, um, David Spade used to have this house on, in Malibu, on the water. And it was awesome. He got rid of it. But.

• 1:13:13Andrew Santino?

  Loser.

• 1:13:14Speaker 05

  So, we're, he's having a 4th of July barbecue. It's just like, maybe five or six of us. And I had gotten Roman candles. So we're shooting Roman candles off on the beach. And, uh, towards the water. And all of a sudden we see this person, and it's a private beach, there's, you know, there's probably 25 houses on. But this guy's walking down the beach towards us, and there's like this kind of glow. There's like this little kind of glow on this guy. And it was a cigar. So the guy gets closer. And I'm like, oh my god, this fucking Arnold Schwarzenegger. And this is when he was governor. So me and David are sitting there with Roman candles. And, uh, Arnold walks up and he's like, "Uh, guys." And we're like, "Hey." And we kind of know him, like, his son Patrick is a friend of mine, but he was in Benchwarmers and stuff.

• 1:13:58Speaker 05

  So Arnold's like, knows David, he's like, "Uh, David." And we're sitting there with fireworks, which are illegal. But we're just shooting them at the water. But he goes, "Don't you know fireworks are illegal?" Ha, ha, ha! And then walked away. Walked away. I was like...

• 1:14:17Andrew Santino?

  The Governator did you right.

• 1:14:18Speaker 05

  Yeah, that was pretty amazing.

• 1:14:19Andrew Santino?

  Arnold, don't you know fireworks are illegal?

• 1:14:21Speaker 05

  Ha, ha, ha! Then we heard a clicking sound behind him, it was invisible.

• 1:14:25Andrew Santino?

  Terry, I love you, Terry!

• 1:14:26Speaker 05

  Terry!

• 1:14:27Andrew Santino?

  One of the best characters.

• 1:14:28Speaker 05

  Skated on my boner! Ah! Ah! And then his head, fucking... Went crazy.

• 1:14:36Andrew Santino?

  He got a T2 on it.

• 1:14:38Speaker 05

  Yeah, I still, I mean, I love fireworks, they're really fun.

• 1:14:41Andrew Santino?

  They're so much fun. I just don't like how we do them here. I think, I think here, they get, they get set off for like five days after 4th of July, you're like, that's enough.

• 1:14:50Speaker 05

  Well, and we have fires, so it's like horrific.

• 1:14:52Andrew Santino?

  Chaos.

• 1:14:53Speaker 05

  Yeah, it's really horrifying.

• 1:14:54Andrew Santino?

  Slow down.

• 1:14:54Speaker 05

  That's one thing I'm kind of bitter about Wisconsin, is that, growing up, fireworks were legal. And they had another bar, they had an extra hour of bar time.

• 1:15:03Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, and

• 1:15:04Speaker 05

  So you guys in Chicago would have, some bars would be open till four.

• 1:15:07Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, we had four hours.

• 1:15:09Speaker 05

  Fucking Last Call, some bars would be 12:30.

• 1:15:12Andrew Santino?

  What?

• 1:15:13Speaker 05

  Oh, yeah.

• 1:15:13Andrew Santino?

  That's insane.

• 1:15:14Speaker 05

  Cause bar time was one. So like, if you knew the bartender, you could drink till one. But sometimes, some places would be like, you know, quarter to one, they'd be like, yep, wrap it up.

• 1:15:22Andrew Santino?

  Really? Oh, wow.

• 1:15:22Speaker 05

  Which is a catch 22 because it's, you know, you go home, and you can still drink at home, but...

• 1:15:27Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, but you'd also get as hammered as you could before you had to leave. So it's almost like you're drinking way more than you needed to.

• 1:15:31Speaker 05

  Yeah, then you pound it out. Or you'd drive, if you were really, like, needed it, you would drive to Wisconsin for that bonus hour.

• 1:15:39Andrew Santino?

  Bonus hour. Scotty, Scotty, you could drink at 18 for a while, or if you're accompanied by an adult, you're allowed to drink at restaurants.

• 1:15:45Speaker 05

  Yeah, you know what it is now? You can drink in Wisconsin? Eight.

• 1:15:47Andrew Santino?

  Eight?

• 1:15:48Speaker 05

  Yep. They lowered the drinking age to eight.

• 1:15:51Andrew Santino?

  That's good.

• 1:15:52Speaker 05

  And you can drive.

• 1:15:53Andrew Santino?

  Well, cause they, you can work at eight now in Wisconsin.

• 1:15:56Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 1:15:56Andrew Santino?

  Get yourself over to the Cheese Curd Factory.

• 1:15:59Speaker 05

  Yeah, curds.

• 1:15:59Andrew Santino?

  Go get some curds. Some cheesy curds.

• 1:16:02Speaker 05

  Some cheesy curds.

• 1:16:03Andrew Santino?

  Some cheesy curds.

• 1:16:04Speaker 05

  God, that sounds scary.

• 1:16:05Andrew Santino?

  Cheesy curds.

• 1:16:06Speaker 05

  Even cheesier.

• 1:16:07Andrew Santino?

  Nick, Nicky, your special will come out eventually. I hope the kids watch it.

• 1:16:12Speaker 05

  Yeah, check out my YouTube channel.

• 1:16:14Andrew Santino?

  Check out his YouTube channel. Go to Sword Nation, um, and go check out Nick is on tour right now.

• 1:16:18Speaker 05

  No, I'm not, actually.

• 1:16:19Andrew Santino?

  He's gonna be going to Poughkeepsie, he's gonna Des Moines, he's going to San Antonio.

• 1:16:23Speaker 05

  Oh, no.

• 1:16:24Andrew Santino?

  We're planning your tour now. Tallahassee.

• 1:16:26Speaker 05

  That's horrible routing.

• 1:16:27Andrew Santino?

  When are you going back?

• 1:16:28Speaker 05

  That's horrible routing.

• 1:16:29Andrew Santino?

  When are you going back out?

• 1:16:30Speaker 05

  I'm not going back out for a while. I'm trying to get back on camera, so I'm developing this pilot, trying to get this movie off the ground, uh, to shoot this year.

• 1:16:38Andrew Santino?

  Do I have a role in it?

• 1:16:38Speaker 05

  And then, yes, I'll find something. I'll find something for you.

• 1:16:41Andrew Santino?

  Please, no one wants to hire me.

• 1:16:42Speaker 05

  Are you okay with playing Bob Lee in a biopic?

• 1:16:46Andrew Santino?

  In a biopic?

• 1:16:47Speaker 05

  In a biopic, it's gotta be bi, in a biodome, the whole cast is bi. Yes or no?

• 1:16:55Andrew Santino?

  Two bi guys on a bicycle? Yeah, I'll do Asian face for you.

• 1:16:58Speaker 05

  Okay.

• 1:16:59Andrew Santino?

  Just give me some tape.

• 1:17:00Speaker 05

  Yep.

• 1:17:00Andrew Santino?

  Go to Nick's YouTube channel, go to Sword Nation, at, uh, at Sword Nation on YouTube. Um, one of the funniest guys alive, I love you, and thank you for coming again. And look in that camera and say one word or one phrase to end the episode.

• 1:17:12Speaker 05

  This is how we do it. In here, we pour whiskey, whiskey, whiskey, whiskey, whiskey.

• 1:17:20Speaker 03

  You're that creature in the ginger beard!

• 1:17:22Speaker 05

  Sturdy and ginger.

• 1:17:25Speaker 04

  The ginger gene is a curse. Gingers are beautiful. You owe me five dollars for the whiskey. Seventy-five dollars for the horse. Gingers? Oh, hell no. The whiskey is excellent.

• 1:17:35Speaker 03

  Ginger. I like gingers.