Harland Williams

Yoo Hoo Boy! It's comedy icon Harland Williams! Harland sits down with Santino to talk about Dumb & Dumber, being too weird for network TV, and his award winning film Fudgy Wudgy Fudge Face! From the set of Half Baked to solo desert trips with mannequins, Harland shares stories that are hilarious, strange, and somehow deeply spiritual. This one goes off the rails in all the best ways exactly how you’d want it. Don't forget to moisturize! 🎤 Catch Harland on tour & check out his podcast “The Harland Highway” 🔥 Subscribe for new Whiskey Ginger episodes every Friday 🎧 Full audio on Spotify, Apple & all podcast platforms 👕 Merch & tour: andrewsantino.com FOLLOW HARLAND: Instagram: @harlandwilliams Podcast: harlandwilliams.com YouTube: Harland Williams FOLLOW SANTINO: Instagram: @cheetosantino TikTok: @cheetosantino #HarlandWilliams #WhiskeyGinger #AndrewSantino #ComedyPodcast #HarlandHighway #DumbAndDumber #RocketMan #ComedianInterview #WeirdComedy ========================================================= Sponsor Whiskey Ginger: https://public.liveread.io/media-kit/whiskeyginger SUPPORT OUR SPONSORS BETTER HELP 10% OFF YOUR 1ST MONTH https://betterhelp.com/whiskey HIMS 100% ONLINE TREATMENT https://hims.com/whiskey ======================================= Follow Andrew Santino: https://www.instagram.com/cheetosantino/ https://twitter.com/CheetoSantino Follow Whiskey Ginger: https://www.instagram.com/whiskeygingerpodcast https://twitter.com/whiskeygingerpodcast Produced and edited by Joe Faria https://www.instagram.com/itsjoefaria Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Speaker names marked ? are inferred from speaking time and the show’s known hosts — they are not voice-verified.

• 0:00Speaker 00

  Coca-Cola. For the big, for the small, the short, and the tall. Peacemakers, risk takers. For the optimists, pessimists. For long-distance love. For introverts and extroverts. The thinkers and the doers. For old friends and new. Coca-Cola, for everyone. Pick up some Coca-Cola at a store near you.

• 0:30Speaker 01

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• 1:00Speaker 02

  In here, we pour whiskey, whiskey, whiskey, whiskey, whiskey.

• 1:05Speaker 03

  Who's that creature in the ginger beard?

• 1:08Speaker 04

  It's dirty and ginger.

• 1:09Speaker 03

  Like vampires, the ginger gene is a curse.

• 1:11Speaker 04

  Gingers are beautiful. You owe me $5 for the whiskey, $75 for the horse. Gingers, oh hell no.

• 1:18Speaker 05

  This whiskey is excellent. Ginger, I like gingers.

• 1:24Andrew Santino?

  Ladies and gentlemen, welcome back to Whiskey Ginger. My guest today is one of my favorite people. It's Harlan Williams.

• 1:32Speaker 07

  Were you just speaking in tongues?

• 1:34Andrew Santino?

  Let me see your tongue.

• 1:35Speaker 07

  I don't do devil's stuff, bro.

• 1:44Speaker 07

  Dude, that's like Creepsville.

• 1:47Andrew Santino?

  Here it is, Harlan Williams, one of my favorite people, one of my least favorite comics, favorite people.

• 1:52Speaker 07

  Yeah, you've always said that.

• 1:53Andrew Santino?

  Comedy people, wing.

• 1:55Speaker 07

  Yeah, you've always been consistent with that, by the way. Thank you.

• 1:58Andrew Santino?

  Thank you.

• 1:59Speaker 07

  Schwank schwu.

• 2:00Andrew Santino?

  No, don't do that stuff today. No schwank schwu on my show, pal.

• 2:05Speaker 07

  Okay, well, don't talk and speak in tongues.

• 2:07Andrew Santino?

  I'm gonna talk in tongues if I want to talk in tongues.

• 2:09Speaker 07

  I'll do it right back.

• 2:10Andrew Santino?

  You got a big bottle of Coke there, bud?

• 2:11Speaker 07

  That's what she said.

• 2:12Andrew Santino?

  Stop it, Harlan.

• 2:14Speaker 07

  What?

• 2:15Andrew Santino?

  You're off to a really testy start. Testy?

• 2:18Speaker 07

  I'm not falling into your devil talk.

• 2:20Andrew Santino?

  I'm giving you two for two.

• 2:21Speaker 07

  No.

• 2:22Andrew Santino?

  We followed each other at the store the other night and boy, what a pleasure it is to go up after you because the crowd is so ready for comedy.

• 2:26Speaker 07

  They're ready for something good.

• 2:28Andrew Santino?

  Yeah.

• 2:28Speaker 07

  I know. I just wish I could get my hands around, my fingers wrapped around this comedy thing. It's a toughie. It's a toughie.

• 2:37Andrew Santino?

  You're one of the best working comics alive. I think you're one of the funniest people I've ever met in my entire life. I, I, I take pride that we're friends.

• 2:44Speaker 07

  Is this still some devil tongue stuff?

• 2:46Andrew Santino?

  No, I'm being serious. I love you. You know how much I love you, don't I?

• 2:50Speaker 07

  I don't know.

• 2:51Andrew Santino?

  Come on.

• 2:52Speaker 07

  I don't know. You're a hard guy to get through the veneer.

• 2:56Andrew Santino?

  No, these are real.

• 2:57Speaker 07

  Are they?

• 2:57Andrew Santino?

  Yeah.

• 2:58Speaker 07

  Why are they yellow then?

• 2:59Andrew Santino?

  Because I'm drinking coffee and Coke all day.

• 3:01Speaker 07

  So you're not drinking, I'm not gonna say, but they're yellow.

• 3:05Andrew Santino?

  You think I'm drinking piss?

• 3:06Speaker 07

  I was, I was gonna say Newman's Own Lemonade.

• 3:09Andrew Santino?

  It's so good.

• 3:10Speaker 07

  Isn't it good?

• 3:11Andrew Santino?

  Are you, are you a, um, Arnold Palmer guy or no?

• 3:14Speaker 07

  I'm a, I like an Arnold Palmer, but I like to do in the summer, which it is now. I like to sit on the porch with a beautiful ice filled glass of cold lemonade. Condensation dripping down the glass. Cicadas singing, crickets chirping. And I'm sitting on this big old white porch on an old sort of rocking chair. And a young kid drives by on his bicycle, skids to a stop. And I keep a white hanky in the summer. And I just go, "You-hoo, boy." And the look on their face, like they just, it's so, it's summery.

• 3:53Andrew Santino?

  It's summery.

• 3:54Speaker 07

  I love summery stuff.

• 3:54Andrew Santino?

  It sounds threatening.

• 3:56Speaker 07

  Pardon me?

• 3:57Andrew Santino?

  You sound like you're threatening the young boy.

• 3:59Speaker 07

  No, no, it's a greeting in the old south. "You-hoo, boy." And then you have, I hope you're gonna laugh.

• 4:08Andrew Santino?

  Is that what you do, dude? I don't know.

• 4:10Speaker 07

  Dude, it's a summer thing down south. Have you ever been to Georgia in the summer?

• 4:15Andrew Santino?

  Never in the summer, only in the fall.

• 4:16Speaker 07

  On an old, like, like an old mansion with the Spanish moss and a boy rides by on his bike. Seven, eight years old, you have a, you have a condensed glass of lemonade. You can hear the ice cubes, the cicadas. Eeeeee.

• 4:34Speaker 07

  Eee. Eee. And then. Yoohoo. Boa.

• 4:46Andrew Santino?

  I see it now.

• 4:47Speaker 07

  And it's just a friend, it's a southern greeting.

• 4:49Andrew Santino?

  I get it. You're from Canada, though. You're not from the south.

• 4:52Speaker 07

  Yeah, but I've been to the south. Where do you think I drink my lemonade?

• 4:55Andrew Santino?

  I don't know where you put it in your body.

• 4:58Speaker 07

  Yoohoo.

• 5:00Andrew Santino?

  Boa.

• 5:01Speaker 07

  Don't do that to me, dude.

• 5:02Andrew Santino?

  I told you, when you give me flirty eyes, it gets me uncomfortable. Don't do that.

• 5:05Speaker 07

  Alright, alright.

• 5:06Andrew Santino?

  You've been flirting with me for years since I've known you. I don't like it when you flirt with me.

• 5:09Speaker 07

  Well, you ever said that at the drive-thru when we went to see Grease?

• 5:12Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, because I love Travolta.

• 5:13Speaker 07

  I know, but when I turned to you and went, hey, how's it going, Sandy?

• 5:17Andrew Santino?

  No, no, no, no, no. Don't do it, dude. Happy Canada Day the other day, by the way.

• 5:21Speaker 07

  The other day?

• 5:22Andrew Santino?

  How'd you celebrate?

• 5:24Speaker 07

  Uh, I recreated the JFK assassination on my street.

• 5:29Andrew Santino?

  Was he, was he a Canadian?

• 5:31Speaker 07

  No, he was American, but I thought, how better to celebrate Canada Day than the assassination of an American president, a beloved one?

• 5:39Andrew Santino?

  One of the best.

• 5:39Speaker 07

  So I got all the, the American neighbors and we sort of, one of them had a convertible and one of the guys up the road at 455 Wilmot had a rifle.

• 5:49Andrew Santino?

  Oh, Marcus on Wilmot?

• 5:50Speaker 07

  Yeah.

• 5:51Andrew Santino?

  The guy with the lazy eye?

• 5:52Speaker 07

  Right.

• 5:52Andrew Santino?

  How did he shoot?

• 5:54Speaker 07

  From the library, from the book suppository. He had a library on his upper floor. He had his own personal.

• 6:00Andrew Santino?

  Depository? Suppository? I think it's depository.

• 6:02Speaker 07

  I think it's suppository.

• 6:04Andrew Santino?

  You think he goes up your ass?

• 6:05Speaker 07

  Well, when you're an ass saying it.

• 6:07Andrew Santino?

  Well, he's an assassin, he's an assassin.

• 6:09Speaker 07

  Assassin, so you're gonna shoot from a suppository?

• 6:12Andrew Santino?

  Got it.

• 6:12Speaker 07

  Yeah.

• 6:13Andrew Santino?

  Well, happy Canada Day, bud.

• 6:14Speaker 07

  Thank you, thank you.

• 6:15Andrew Santino?

  I had syrup in your honor.

• 6:17Speaker 07

  You did?

• 6:17Andrew Santino?

  Two things I've, I've stolen from Canadian culture. He knows this. I say eh sometimes, just because I like the way it sounds. Instead of a question mark at the end when you go up? That's an American. And you guys just go, you wanna go over there eh?

• 6:30Speaker 07

  No, that's not how you do it.

• 6:31Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, it is eh?

• 6:32Speaker 07

  No, no.

• 6:33Andrew Santino?

  Sure eh?

• 6:34Speaker 07

  No, you're doing it wrong.

• 6:35Andrew Santino?

  Are we buds eh?

• 6:37Speaker 07

  Oh god.

• 6:37Andrew Santino?

  Come on bud.

• 6:38Speaker 07

  That's so bad.

• 6:39Andrew Santino?

  Come on eh?

• 6:40Speaker 07

  Sacra- every Canadian now is just like, like, you ever smelled-

• 6:43Andrew Santino?

  Oh they're cringing, our little Canadians cringing.

• 6:46Speaker 07

  Sour milk on like a rotten-

• 6:50Andrew Santino?

  Rock? I used to pour sour milk on the rock. A what?

• 6:53Speaker 07

  Yeah.

• 6:53Andrew Santino?

  Oh no.

• 6:54Speaker 07

  Every Canadian now just has that face.

• 6:56Andrew Santino?

  I could care less, you guys live upstairs. You're America's attic.

• 7:00Speaker 07

  Hey, you wanna go down to the store there eh bud?

• 7:03Andrew Santino?

  That sounds stupid, that didn't sound right. No, that's bad.

• 7:06Speaker 07

  It's eh, it's okay eh?

• 7:07Andrew Santino?

  I said eh.

• 7:08Speaker 07

  No, the way you said it was just-

• 7:10Andrew Santino?

  Come on bud eh? No.

• 7:12Speaker 07

  Yeah, no.

• 7:13Andrew Santino?

  No, that's eh.

• 7:13Speaker 07

  Don't even try.

• 7:14Andrew Santino?

  Don't even try eh?

• 7:15Speaker 07

  I would ask you, yeah, you just lost all your Canadian viewers.

• 7:18Andrew Santino?

  Oh no.

• 7:19Speaker 07

  Yeah, all five of them.

• 7:21Andrew Santino?

  That's only five viewers on this show.

• 7:22Speaker 07

  Oh no, what are you, Pee Wee Herman? Oh no, suddenly you're Pee Wee Herman now?

• 7:27Andrew Santino?

  He's dead, he just died.

• 7:28Speaker 07

  Who killed him?

• 7:29Andrew Santino?

  JFK.

• 7:32Speaker 07

  You.

• 7:33Andrew Santino?

  You, boy.

• 7:36Andrew Santino?

  Ah, you pig. I hate you so much dude. When are you gonna do another hour?

• 7:41Speaker 07

  What do you mean?

• 7:41Andrew Santino?

  When are you gonna put on an hour of standup?

• 7:43Speaker 07

  I don't really feel inspired to do it.

• 7:45Andrew Santino?

  Why, you're so funny. Everybody wants to see you.

• 7:48Speaker 07

  It's gonna sound very pretentious, but I'm sort of, I don't know, it just, I feel like I've done enough of them and-

• 7:57Andrew Santino?

  How many do you do, four or five?

• 7:58Speaker 07

  In my career?

• 7:59Andrew Santino?

  Yeah.

• 8:00Speaker 07

  Oh, I've probably done eight or nine.

• 8:01Andrew Santino?

  No way.

• 8:02Speaker 07

  Yeah.

• 8:03Andrew Santino?

  Full hours?

• 8:04Speaker 07

  Specials? Yeah, oh yeah.

• 8:06Andrew Santino?

  Wow.

• 8:07Speaker 07

  Maybe ten even, I don't know, but I just, I just, they don't carry the special, they're called specials, they used to be, I don't know, I'm gonna sound snobby, so I just, I don't feel it in me at the moment.

• 8:19Andrew Santino?

  You think they suck?

• 8:20Speaker 07

  No, I don't think they suck.

• 8:22Andrew Santino?

  And you think people that do them suck?

• 8:23Speaker 07

  No, no, I think for me, I don't feel inspired to do one.

• 8:27Andrew Santino?

  What inspires you now? This is my Larry King moment. What inspires you?

• 8:31Speaker 07

  What inspires me?

• 8:32Andrew Santino?

  Tell me what inspires you.

• 8:33Speaker 07

  Oh, I like that. What inspires me is more in the moment rawness versus rehearsed and packaged specials. And I realize that's what you have to do. A special has to be rehearsed and packed, but I think that's maybe what I don't feel in tune with is the the homogenization effect that that creates in comedy. They're a bit too packaged for me where I think, I just feel like there's, I'd rather see a bucking bronco than a Clydesdale. You know what I mean?

• 9:08Andrew Santino?

  Right. You'd rather see a bar fight than, than an organized boxing match?

• 9:12Speaker 07

  No.

• 9:12Andrew Santino?

  That's what you're saying.

• 9:13Speaker 07

  No.

• 9:14Andrew Santino?

  I read what you're saying.

• 9:16Speaker 07

  No, because-

• 9:16Andrew Santino?

  You'd rather see, you'd rather see unorganized chaos than organized chaos.

• 9:22Speaker 07

  I, something to that effect. I just wish it was a little more, or a little more organic and raw. I feel like-

• 9:30Andrew Santino?

  When was it ever?

• 9:32Speaker 07

  It always, well, I don't know, but I, I feel like some of the forces that be are sort of manipulating and puppeteering the tone of comedy right now.

• 9:42Andrew Santino?

  Interesting, because I have some comments about this.

• 9:43Speaker 07

  Which, which I don't, I don't think you should be able to put straps around comedy. And I feel like there's, there's, there's, for the first time, it feels a little like corporate comedy world is at play.

• 9:57Andrew Santino?

  But didn't it feel like this before? It felt like this before and then it, then it went away and then it's rebirthed. So it goes through waves, right?

• 10:03Speaker 07

  I guess.

• 10:04Andrew Santino?

  Eighties was corporate comedy, very bad.

• 10:06Speaker 07

  Yeah, yeah, you're right.

• 10:08Andrew Santino?

  And I think it went through big waves, but you've been through all the waves. You've been in the ocean for far too long. Come on out.

• 10:12Speaker 07

  I know.

• 10:13Andrew Santino?

  We'd like you to get out.

• 10:14Speaker 07

  I'm starting to stink.

• 10:15Andrew Santino?

  No, you're pruning, dude.

• 10:17Speaker 07

  It's like one of those whales when they die and they just, they, all the gases build up and then they explode.

• 10:22Andrew Santino?

  It blows up at the beach? No.

• 10:24Speaker 07

  Ready to blow.

• 10:25Andrew Santino?

  Well, the only reason I ask is because every time I see you at the store, you come with original stuff, unique and genuinely. If, if people are listening and haven't seen you live yet, you are, I think, one of the best working live comedians I've ever seen in my life. No, I mean it.

• 10:39Speaker 07

  Thank you, brother.

• 10:40Andrew Santino?

  As a friend, I think you're unbelievable. You are unique and no one else goes, you'll never go, oh, that's my joke, for a Harland joke. No one will ever go, that's my joke. It is your joke.

• 10:50Speaker 07

  Thank you.

• 10:51Andrew Santino?

  And you've stolen two from me and I want to talk about it today.

• 10:53Speaker 07

  Okay, let's get it out. The really good ones, by the way.

• 10:56Andrew Santino?

  The pumpernickel joke? That's mine.

• 10:58Speaker 07

  I'm not gonna stop.

• 11:00Andrew Santino?

  Why are you doing my stuff?

• 11:01Speaker 07

  I don't know, dude. It just feels good. And when I stole it.

• 11:04Andrew Santino?

  Yeah.

• 11:05Speaker 07

  When you steal something, like, let's say you steal a car, and you don't get the gear shift. You don't get the reverse. But when you steal something and you sit in it and it feels so good, and so right.

• 11:16Andrew Santino?

  Yeah.

• 11:16Speaker 07

  So whenever I steal from you, the two that I've stolen, and there's a third one you don't know about yet.

• 11:22Andrew Santino?

  What?

• 11:22Speaker 07

  You'll see soon. It'll be in my next special.

• 11:26Andrew Santino?

  You are doing a special. You lied.

• 11:28Speaker 07

  But it feels so good. Your stuff feels like... What I do is I steal from you, I rework it, make it better.

• 11:37Andrew Santino?

  Oh, well, that's true.

• 11:37Speaker 07

  And then when I spit it out, it's just like...

• 11:40Andrew Santino?

  It's gold.

• 11:41Speaker 07

  Well...

• 11:43Speaker 07

  It's gold. It's gold.

• 11:44Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, it's gold. It's Canadian gold.

• 11:46Speaker 07

  So thank you for supplying me with material.

• 11:49Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, no problem.

• 11:50Speaker 07

  And you are a friend, friendly friend.

• 11:52Andrew Santino?

  I'm a friendly friend. I like this shirt, by the way.

• 11:54Speaker 07

  Thank you, brother. I made it this morning.

• 11:56Andrew Santino?

  I can see that, yeah. That looks like something that came off of your fridge. Did somebody, your niece, make that, and then you turned it into a shirt? Was it a magnet at one time?

• 12:03Speaker 07

  It was a magnet, yeah. Yeah. It does look like a fridge magnet.

• 12:08Andrew Santino?

  It does, but I like it.

• 12:09Speaker 07

  By the way, that's the... You know how if you ever want to vandalize a cyber truck? Just throw fridge magnets on it.

• 12:16Andrew Santino?

  Smart.

• 12:16Speaker 07

  Yeah. And put a shopping list under the windshield wiper.

• 12:19Andrew Santino?

  Tell them what to get you.

• 12:20Speaker 07

  Yeah.

• 12:21Andrew Santino?

  Yeah.

• 12:22Speaker 07

  They hate that.

• 12:23Andrew Santino?

  They do, don't they?

• 12:24Speaker 07

  Yeah.

• 12:24Andrew Santino?

  Do you have an electric car? Are you an electric car guy? What do you got? You have a Tesla?

• 12:27Speaker 07

  I have a vibrator, actually. I bought a vibrator on Amazon. Put some Michelin's on it.

• 12:35Andrew Santino?

  Oh, yeah.

• 12:36Speaker 07

  And you just twist the back and you... It's almost like, it looks like Barney Rubble's log car. But it's a vibrator. It's a big one. And I just ride it around town. I get about... I can get about a good 300-mile masturbatory charge.

• 12:52Andrew Santino?

  Wow.

• 12:53Speaker 07

  Yeah. Like, if a woman drove my car, she could climax from Cleveland to San Diego and back.

• 12:59Andrew Santino?

  And back.

• 13:00Speaker 07

  And back.

• 13:01Andrew Santino?

  Long ride.

• 13:02Speaker 07

  It's a long ride. It's a good, good old vibrator.

• 13:04Andrew Santino?

  Name of your new special. It's a long ride.

• 13:06Speaker 07

  It's a long ride.

• 13:07Andrew Santino?

  It has been.

• 13:08Speaker 07

  Well, I was gonna call it masturbate all the way to San Diego, but if long ride suits you better...

• 13:12Andrew Santino?

  I just feel like that's a little bit more appropriate.

• 13:14Speaker 07

  Okay.

• 13:15Andrew Santino?

  All right, let me get back in my Larry King moment, okay?

• 13:17Speaker 07

  Okay.

• 13:18Andrew Santino?

  You have any bad habits?

• 13:22Speaker 07

  I'm thinking.

• 13:23Andrew Santino?

  Does Harland have any bad habits?

• 13:27Speaker 07

  Right here.

• 13:28Andrew Santino?

  What is it?

• 13:28Speaker 07

  Coca-Cola. My worst, I love it.

• 13:31Andrew Santino?

  How many do you have a day? Be honest, cuz I know.

• 13:35Speaker 07

  Do you really? Take a guess.

• 13:37Andrew Santino?

  Five?

• 13:39Speaker 07

  You know, probably.

• 13:39Andrew Santino?

  I've seen you drink four.

• 13:40Speaker 07

  Probably two to, two to four or five a day.

• 13:44Andrew Santino?

  So crazy, dude.

• 13:45Speaker 07

  I hate it. I hate, I love it so much, but I hate it.

• 13:48Andrew Santino?

  But you don't do drugs, you don't drink, you don't smoke. So what? So this is your thing?

• 13:54Speaker 07

  It is my thing, but I don't like knowingly like doing things that are bad for me and.

• 13:59Andrew Santino?

  But you don't do anything bad?

• 14:01Speaker 07

  Well, I try not to, but this is definitely a habit that I, I wish I could control better. I can, but I choose not to.

• 14:10Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, we, we all have to make choices.

• 14:12Speaker 07

  Yeah.

• 14:12Andrew Santino?

  And this is a choice you've made.

• 14:14Speaker 07

  And what's funny is I'll turn it off. But then it comes like, I'll just go, no more pop. And I will stop cold turkey for four months. And then I'll go play sports and I go, I'll just have one, I'm dying. And then boom, I'm back in, the body just goes, let's go again.

• 14:32Andrew Santino?

  You don't, is it, you don't drink Mexican Coke? You like the glass bottle Coke?

• 14:35Speaker 07

  I like, I like the American Coke. I like the, um.

• 14:39Andrew Santino?

  You like the sugar?

• 14:39Speaker 07

  Fructose sugar, whatever it is.

• 14:41Andrew Santino?

  High fructose corn syrup.

• 14:42Speaker 07

  Over the sugar cane. Everyone talks about the Mexican Coke, how great it is. I'm like, yeah.

• 14:49Andrew Santino?

  You'd rather corn syrup?

• 14:50Speaker 07

  Yeah.

• 14:50Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, like a good American.

• 14:52Speaker 07

  Canadian.

• 14:53Andrew Santino?

  No, you are one of us now.

• 14:54Speaker 07

  Syrup.

• 14:55Andrew Santino?

  Haven't you been here for long enough that you're one of us?

• 14:56Speaker 07

  I'm both, actually.

• 14:57Andrew Santino?

  You're dual citizen?

• 14:58Speaker 07

  Dual. Yeah.

• 14:59Andrew Santino?

  When'd you get that?

• 15:01Speaker 07

  Uh, I got that, it was the year Obama first won. It was that year. Whatever year that was. His first, his first term was the same year that he ran for president and won.

• 15:14Andrew Santino?

  When was that?

• 15:17Andrew Santino?

  When did Obama become president? When was he president? Obama?

• 15:21Speaker 07

  Obama.

• 15:21Andrew Santino?

  Was the president?

• 15:23Speaker 07

  Yeah, Barack Obama, the half-white guy.

• 15:26Andrew Santino?

  How long was he president?

• 15:28Speaker 07

  I think they had him in for five or six months.

• 15:32Andrew Santino?

  In and out, huh?

• 15:33Speaker 07

  Yeah.

• 15:33Andrew Santino?

  Busy guy?

• 15:34Speaker 07

  Well, he was half-white.

• 15:36Andrew Santino?

  Oh.

• 15:37Speaker 07

  I mean, what are you gonna do when you're half-white? Who wants that?

• 15:40Andrew Santino?

  I'm full. Is that bad?

• 15:42Speaker 07

  You're full-white?

• 15:43Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, all the way.

• 15:44Speaker 07

  Do you have a touch of albino in you, though?

• 15:46Andrew Santino?

  I knew you were gonna ask me about the albino stuff.

• 15:48Speaker 07

  Well, I mean, look at ya.

• 15:49Andrew Santino?

  So I have a little bit.

• 15:50Speaker 07

  Yeah. Like, if I turn out the light right now, and it was dark, would I feel like I'm sitting in a room with Casper?

• 15:56Andrew Santino?

  Well, he's a friendly ghost.

• 15:58Speaker 07

  Yeah, but maybe too friendly, like, would I see a glowing arm, like, slide up my inner thigh?

• 16:04Andrew Santino?

  If you're lucky.

• 16:05Speaker 07

  Ew.

• 16:06Andrew Santino?

  You don't have any relationship with ghosts?

• 16:08Speaker 07

  Uh, I did once.

• 16:10Andrew Santino?

  I will say, I've been to your home. It's haunted. There's no doubt that your house is haunted. It is. You've heard stuff, haven't you?

• 16:15Speaker 07

  Oh, yeah.

• 16:15Andrew Santino?

  Your office that you took me into, that's haunted.

• 16:18Speaker 07

  Yeah, definitely.

• 16:19Andrew Santino?

  You ever out there at night?

• 16:20Speaker 07

  Well, there's an old story behind it. The guy who owned the house before me murdered someone in that office.

• 16:27Andrew Santino?

  Shut up.

• 16:27Speaker 07

  Yeah.

• 16:28Andrew Santino?

  Shut up!

• 16:29Speaker 07

  Yeah.

• 16:29Andrew Santino?

  His wife, who'd he murder?

• 16:31Speaker 07

  He murdered a business associate who he thought was swindling him out of money.

• 16:36Andrew Santino?

  This was the 20s, right?

• 16:38Speaker 07

  No, no, this was in the 70s.

• 16:41Andrew Santino?

  Oh, shit.

• 16:42Speaker 07

  And apparently, as what I've been told, he, a fight broke out, they wrestled, the guy had a Glock, one of these German handguns.

• 16:54Andrew Santino?

  Glockenspiel, yeah.

• 16:55Speaker 07

  Um, this is tough to, this is a bit morbid. Do you wanna change the topic? But he put the mouth, the mouth of the Glock right in the guy's mouth, and...

• 17:10Speaker 07

  If you want to change the topic.

• 17:11Andrew Santino?

  No dude, I want to know what he did next, I'm on the edge of my seat.

• 17:15Speaker 07

  Well, there's 10 rounds in a clip.

• 17:17Andrew Santino?

  Oh yeah.

• 17:17Speaker 07

  But you can get 15. So apparently he unloaded 10 rounds.

• 17:22Andrew Santino?

  Good lord.

• 17:23Speaker 07

  Into this guy's head.

• 17:25Andrew Santino?

  Gosh.

• 17:26Speaker 07

  And the head sort of dissipates after four.

• 17:28Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, I've seen it, yeah.

• 17:29Speaker 07

  And so he was just.

• 17:31Andrew Santino?

  Dakka dakka dakka.

• 17:31Speaker 07

  It was like anger trigger pulling at that point. That happened in my office.

• 17:35Andrew Santino?

  And that's where you wrote this recent movie that you just did?

• 17:38Speaker 07

  Yeah.

• 17:38Andrew Santino?

  Wow.

• 17:39Speaker 07

  Yeah, so.

• 17:40Andrew Santino?

  What's the movie called again?

• 17:41Speaker 07

  Wingman.

• 17:44Speaker 07

  Wingman. I actually reached out to you.

• 17:46Andrew Santino?

  I wanted to be in your movie, I know.

• 17:47Speaker 07

  I actually, I actually talked to you about possibly doing it, but you were, you were doing your movie, uh, Nicky Trinicky or whatever it's called.

• 17:54Andrew Santino?

  Ricky's Trinicky in Australia, yeah.

• 17:56Speaker 07

  Oh, you shot that in Oz.

• 17:58Andrew Santino?

  Down there, Danunda.

• 17:59Speaker 07

  Oh dude, did you love Oz?

• 18:01Andrew Santino?

  Honestly, I did. In a way that I didn't think I was gonna love it. In fact, if and when.

• 18:08Speaker 07

  Yeah.

• 18:08Andrew Santino?

  Not if, but unfortunately when, my parents are no longer here, which is a sad day, but I think I could move down there. If I had no family.

• 18:16Speaker 07

  Yeah.

• 18:17Andrew Santino?

  You know, if I didn't have my parents around, I probably could go to Australia.

• 18:20Speaker 07

  What part?

• 18:21Andrew Santino?

  Melbourne. You ever been down to Melbourne?

• 18:23Speaker 07

  Yeah.

• 18:24Andrew Santino?

  Beautiful eh?

• 18:24Speaker 07

  I've been there like two or three times.

• 18:26Andrew Santino?

  It's nice, isn't it?

• 18:27Speaker 07

  It is nice, mate, you're not wrong.

• 18:29Andrew Santino?

  Where'd you go? Would you play a show down there, or are you down there just, uh?

• 18:31Speaker 07

  I went there doing a little traveling, and then I also did the, uh, Melbourne Comedy Festival.

• 18:36Andrew Santino?

  Oh, Melbourne Comedy Festival, yeah.

• 18:37Speaker 07

  Good on you, mate, you're not wrong.

• 18:38Andrew Santino?

  They didn't like you though, did they?

• 18:39Speaker 07

  They didn't like me much, but then I went up to Wolf Creek, had a little run around the, uh, crater as they call it, mate, and, uh, hooked the chainsaw out to a couple of guineas.

• 18:49Andrew Santino?

  Whoa.

• 18:50Speaker 07

  Eh?

• 18:50Andrew Santino?

  Whoa, you making fun of Italians now?

• 18:52Speaker 07

  You're not wrong.

• 18:53Andrew Santino?

  Slow down.

• 18:54Speaker 07

  Eh?

• 18:54Andrew Santino?

  Speed up?

• 18:55Speaker 07

  Fuck off.

• 18:56Andrew Santino?

  Alright dude, you're on my show.

• 18:58Speaker 07

  I won, I won.

• 18:59Andrew Santino?

  You're right, you did. You've never lost, have you?

• 19:02Speaker 07

  No, I don't lose.

• 19:03Andrew Santino?

  You've never taken an L in your entire life?

• 19:05Speaker 07

  Why would I do?

• 19:06Andrew Santino?

  Whether it's comedy, acting, relationships, you're the, you're the big winner. What are you getting, you gonna pull out a gun?

• 19:12Speaker 07

  It's just these lights, just.

• 19:14Andrew Santino?

  Oh shit.

• 19:17Speaker 07

  No, I don't lose, I mean, what's the, what is the point in losing?

• 19:22Andrew Santino?

  Golly dude.

• 19:24Speaker 07

  No, these li- I don't know what wattage you use in here, but.

• 19:26Andrew Santino?

  This is regu- these are regular bulbs.

• 19:28Speaker 07

  Okay, well, what, what's the wattage? Can I guy ask? Is it 100 watt, 120?

• 19:33Andrew Santino?

  It's 120.

• 19:34Speaker 07

  Okay, well, this is 200.

• 19:38Speaker 07

  But these are hot, these are hotter than Dolly Parton's thong at a pogo stick festival.

• 19:44Andrew Santino?

  Let me tell you something about that, waving that around.

• 19:47Speaker 07

  What?

• 19:47Andrew Santino?

  You better.

• 19:48Speaker 07

  Oh, this? Oh shit.

• 19:49Andrew Santino?

  Yeah.

• 19:49Speaker 07

  Sorry.

• 19:50Andrew Santino?

  You don't realize that, do you?

• 19:51Speaker 07

  Sorry, no, I was just hot.

• 19:53Andrew Santino?

  I get it.

• 19:54Speaker 07

  It's called relief.

• 19:55Andrew Santino?

  Do you want us to turn up the air for you, bud?

• 19:58Speaker 07

  I'm okay. I just dabbed off with a cool thousand dollars.

• 20:03Andrew Santino?

  You carry money with you all the time, huh? Just to show off?

• 20:05Speaker 07

  I carry sweat relief.

• 20:07Andrew Santino?

  Is that what that is?

• 20:08Speaker 07

  Yeah, it's like a deodorant.

• 20:10Andrew Santino?

  How much was that shirt?

• 20:12Speaker 07

  This shirt?

• 20:12Andrew Santino?

  That looked expensive.

• 20:13Speaker 07

  This was quite, this is a Dolce and Gabbana.

• 20:16Andrew Santino?

  Is that a D and G?

• 20:17Speaker 07

  Yeah.

• 20:19Andrew Santino?

  I didn't take you for a fancy boy.

• 20:20Speaker 07

  Four grand for this.

• 20:22Andrew Santino?

  That's a four thousand dollar shirt.

• 20:23Speaker 07

  Yeah, this is Persian silk.

• 20:25Andrew Santino?

  Oh, I only wear Armenian silk.

• 20:27Speaker 07

  Staple Sharpie.

• 20:29Andrew Santino?

  Oh, that's just a regular Sharpie?

• 20:30Speaker 07

  Yeah, this is just a Sharpie.

• 20:31Andrew Santino?

  That looks like something Tim Burton would draw. I like that.

• 20:33Speaker 07

  You do?

• 20:34Andrew Santino?

  I love Burton. Favorite Burton film, on the count of three. One, two.

• 20:37Speaker 07

  Hold on, hold on.

• 20:38Andrew Santino?

  Favorite Tim Burton film. One, two, three.

• 20:43Speaker 07

  Peewee's Big Adventure. Really?

• 20:46Andrew Santino?

  Yeah.

• 20:47Speaker 07

  See, I'm not a major Tim Burton fan.

• 20:50Andrew Santino?

  Batman? Edward Scissorhands?

• 20:52Speaker 07

  No, so here's the thing.

• 20:54Andrew Santino?

  We can get into none of these things?

• 20:55Speaker 07

  I like his artistic visions. I like his artistry. I don't, and he's gonna hate me for this, is he watching?

• 21:02Andrew Santino?

  He's watching.

• 21:04Speaker 07

  I, his storytelling is not as strong as his, his visual, his vision.

• 21:10Andrew Santino?

  You don't think Edward Scissorhands was a perfect movie, front to back?

• 21:13Speaker 07

  No, I think it was good, but it was familiar. It was the old kind of, you know.

• 21:18Andrew Santino?

  The old kind of guy with scissors for hands movie?

• 21:20Speaker 07

  The old kind of, you know, the reclusive kid that no one understood, like.

• 21:24Andrew Santino?

  Right.

• 21:24Speaker 07

  It was very visually creative, different.

• 21:27Andrew Santino?

  Beautiful.

• 21:28Speaker 07

  He's very good at creating worlds, but then I always find a lot of times, his story, he builds up great stories, but they don't conclude well for daddy.

• 21:36Andrew Santino?

  Okay, well then who is the best for you, daddy? Who's the best?

• 21:40Speaker 07

  In terms of?

• 21:41Andrew Santino?

  What's a perfect film?

• 21:42Speaker 07

  You know what's interesting? There's two movies. There's a few movies that are really good. Believe it or not, Ghost to me.

• 21:50Andrew Santino?

  Such a good movie.

• 21:51Speaker 07

  If you watch that movie, it it has so many elements. Comedy, drama, romance, horror. I mean, it's even introspective about the afterlife, but all the characters and these elements merge together so well. It's it's really, if you want to study a really good storytelling movie that hits so many different beats, that's one of them.

• 22:17Andrew Santino?

  What's the other one?

• 22:18Speaker 07

  Another one is Back to the Future, the original one.

• 22:20Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, it's one of the best movies.

• 22:22Speaker 07

  Because it's one of those movies where someone actually took the time to put things in chronological order, even though it's fantastical.

• 22:30Andrew Santino?

  Yeah.

• 22:31Speaker 07

  And and followed the logic of a story without, you know, so many. I went to see Jurassic Park 12 last night, and it's just like, things are happening and going on for no reason.

• 22:44Andrew Santino?

  Right.

• 22:45Speaker 07

  Never explained.

• 22:46Andrew Santino?

  Visual, they're all for visual purposes.

• 22:47Speaker 07

  It's, yeah, it's just like, so I love that one. I love.

• 22:51Andrew Santino?

  Ghost?

• 22:52Speaker 07

  Ghost, and this is more from a structural perspective.

• 22:55Andrew Santino?

  And last time I was at your house, you told me we were gonna watch a movie together, and you said, let's watch American History X. You love that movie. Why do you like that movie so much?

• 23:04Speaker 07

  I like me a good neck stomping.

• 23:09Speaker 07

  And it doesn't have to be like racial.

• 23:11Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, but it isn't that.

• 23:12Speaker 07

  It doesn't have to be white on black, black on white.

• 23:15Andrew Santino?

  Anybody, really.

• 23:15Speaker 07

  I just like to see any good old friendly human folk, I call them, any good old folk with their their teeth propped on a curve, and someone preferably in a pair of lemon lime crocs.

• 23:28Andrew Santino?

  Oh, croc.

• 23:29Speaker 07

  Because the juxtaposition between a face and a neck getting cracked in a curve with the soft texture of a croc.

• 23:39Speaker 07

  It's just that there are two elements like heaven and hell working against each other, but there's this symbiotic, beautiful fusion that you just can't manufacture.

• 23:49Andrew Santino?

  You can't manufacture it.

• 23:50Speaker 07

  And when you watch American History X and there's that neck stomping.

• 23:53Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, I remember it.

• 23:54Speaker 07

  Irregardless of the race, it's not, to me, it wasn't about black or white.

• 23:58Andrew Santino?

  It was in the movie, yeah.

• 23:59Speaker 07

  It was just about the, almost like watching Olga Korbit when she did her perfect ten at the Montreal Olympics on the Palma horse.

• 24:07Andrew Santino?

  How could I forget?

• 24:08Speaker 07

  On the, on the parallel bars. And just this neck stomping, the crunch even, the sound, the audio sensations, the, the sound of teeth cracking on a, on a curb put together by laymen, blue collar workers.

• 24:24Andrew Santino?

  Laymen.

• 24:24Speaker 07

  You're hearing like incisors and molars and, and just, just miraculous, unbelievable. But you did ask.

• 24:34Andrew Santino?

  I did.

• 24:38Speaker 07

  Is there an intermission on this or no?

• 24:39Andrew Santino?

  There will, there will be now.

• 24:41Speaker 07

  Okay, can we roll the fun little intermission?

• 24:43Andrew Santino?

  Roll it now.

• 24:44Speaker 07

  With the fun music?

• 24:45Speaker 02

  In here, we pour whiskey.

• 24:49Speaker 00

  Coca-Cola. For the big, for the small, the short, and the tall. Peacemakers, risk takers. For the optimists, pessimists. For long distance love. For introverts and extroverts. The thinkers and the doers. For old friends and new. Coca-Cola. For everyone. Take out some Coca-Cola at a store near you.

• 25:19Speaker 01

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• 25:49Andrew Santino?

  This episode of Whiskey Ginger is brought to you by BetterHelp. Look, I've talked a lot about therapy on this show over the years, and I do believe it's a big proponent in my success, getting feelings off of my chest. Sure, you could have a diary. Sure, you could tell a friend, you could tell your significant other. But it's nice to talk to someone who is not a stranger, but you know, not someone super close to you, so they can really hear you out. Honestly, BetterHelp has helped so many people. Workplace stress now one of the top causes of declining mental health. 61% of the global workforce experiencing higher than normal levels of stress. Do not battle stress alone, okay? You need to talk to someone, and it's not a long-term solution to stress to keep throwing it away. It's not gonna work. Therapy can help you navigate whatever challenges the workday or any are gonna bring. It's benefited me and millions of other people.

• 26:34Andrew Santino?

  They've got over 30,000 therapists. It's BetterHelp's largest, the world's largest online therapy platform. 1.7 million, sorry, client reviews. 4.9 out of 5 in the App Store. That's pretty good. Convenient. Join a session with a therapist, click a button, anytime, anywhere, anyplace. All right? Unwind from work with BetterHelp. Our listeners get 10% off their first month at betterhelp.com/whiskey. That's betterhelp, H-E-L-P, dot com slash whiskey.

• 27:02Andrew Santino?

  You believe in hell?

• 27:03Speaker 07

  Yeah.

• 27:04Andrew Santino?

  You do?

• 27:05Speaker 07

  Oh, yeah.

• 27:05Andrew Santino?

  What about heaven?

• 27:06Speaker 07

  Yeah, both.

• 27:08Andrew Santino?

  What, anything else, or that's it?

• 27:09Speaker 07

  As the devil said in the movie Legend, Tim Curry in that rich-

• 27:13Andrew Santino?

  You mean I Am Legend, the Will Smith film?

• 27:15Speaker 07

  No, no, Legend, the Ridley Scott movie with Tom Cruise.

• 27:19Andrew Santino?

  Not interested, but go ahead.

• 27:20Speaker 07

  Oh, you've never seen it?

• 27:21Andrew Santino?

  I am not a Ridley Scott-

• 27:23Speaker 07

  Watch that movie just for the devil. It's the best devil performance in any movie. It's the best portrayal of the devil.

• 27:30Andrew Santino?

  Who plays him?

• 27:31Speaker 07

  Tim Curry.

• 27:32Andrew Santino?

  Love Tim Curry.

• 27:33Speaker 07

  And you wouldn't even know it's him, but he even looks weird. He's just got these giant horns, and they, I don't know if they modulated his voice, but he was a theater actor, and he had a very commanding, he knew how to command his physique. And he brought that to this movie, and at one point, Tom Cruise and him are doing battle. And as the devil in this deep, sort of powerful voice, he goes, "Don't you know who I am, boy? Without darkness, there can be no light."

• 28:06Speaker 07

  And I just thought that's such a profane, like, without darkness, there can be no light. It's so obvious, but to hear the devil say it, it almost made me wanna roll my legs up, like when that witch got crushed by the house. Roll my legs up and then hold my nose and blow, go, and watch my legs roll out like a New Year's Eve party popper. And just do it about 12 times. So, and then my legs, my legs roll.

• 28:32Andrew Santino?

  Roll out and roll back.

• 28:33Speaker 07

  And then children in the neighborhood can make the whistling noise like,

• 28:39Speaker 07

  that's how much that devil performance moved me.

• 28:44Speaker 07

  Kind of the way I'd love to move some eggs all over your face and,

• 28:47Andrew Santino?

  Oh, you wanna put egg on my face?

• 28:49Speaker 07

  I'd like to put some fried eggs on your face, move them around like chess pieces, and then call you Egg Face. If you want. We don't have to.

• 28:59Andrew Santino?

  How you cooking them?

• 29:00Speaker 07

  Sunny side up?

• 29:01Andrew Santino?

  No.

• 29:02Speaker 07

  Okay, then we don't have to.

• 29:03Andrew Santino?

  Over medium.

• 29:04Speaker 07

  No thanks, I'm busy.

• 29:06Andrew Santino?

  How do you take your steak?

• 29:09Speaker 07

  In the ass? In, in my mouth. In my mouth!

• 29:13Andrew Santino?

  I knew you were an ass steak guy.

• 29:14Speaker 07

  Dude!

• 29:15Andrew Santino?

  Dude, the internet for years was like, Harland, I bet you is an ass steak guy. Catch him, trip him up.

• 29:21Andrew Santino?

  Are you hot again?

• 29:23Andrew Santino?

  Seems warm in here, doesn't it?

• 29:25Speaker 07

  It is warm.

• 29:25Andrew Santino?

  Should we cool it off? Is it fine?

• 29:27Speaker 07

  Do you wanna dab off or?

• 29:28Andrew Santino?

  I'm alright.

• 29:29Speaker 07

  Okay.

• 29:29Andrew Santino?

  I don't use other people's hankies.

• 29:32Speaker 07

  Anyways.

• 29:33Andrew Santino?

  I thought you were gonna wave, hey, boy with those things.

• 29:35Speaker 07

  Oh, right?

• 29:36Andrew Santino?

  That's your little, hey, boy bit.

• 29:37Speaker 07

  That's when you get a little older.

• 29:39Andrew Santino?

  You are a little older.

• 29:41Speaker 07

  Yeah, I am.

• 29:42Andrew Santino?

  You're still a young man.

• 29:43Speaker 07

  Talk to me about how old I am. I know you've got some stuff.

• 29:46Andrew Santino?

  What are you, 58?

• 29:46Speaker 07

  What, you wanna make some comments? Go ahead. I'm giving you, I'm letting you. Go ahead, the hair, like, let it rip.

• 29:54Andrew Santino?

  Your hair is beautiful, actually. You have some of the nicest lettuce in the game. You know that, don't you?

• 29:59Speaker 07

  See, I thought you were gonna insult me, but now you're making me blush.

• 30:02Andrew Santino?

  How could I insult a guy that I respect and love so much?

• 30:05Speaker 07

  My man.

• 30:06Andrew Santino?

  I love you, fucking idiot.

• 30:10Speaker 07

  That was very passive aggressive, but I love it.

• 30:13Andrew Santino?

  I talked to Pete Farrelly about you the other day.

• 30:15Speaker 07

  What happened? Why?

• 30:16Andrew Santino?

  I was just talking to him and I talked about you.

• 30:19Speaker 07

  You did?

• 30:19Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, cuz you told me that that infamous scene in Dumb and Dumber when you pulled them boys over, that you improv the whole thing. I'll never forget that.

• 30:25Speaker 07

  Half of it, I improvised half of it.

• 30:27Andrew Santino?

  The whole thing. He even told me that that was true.

• 30:30Speaker 07

  Well.

• 30:31Andrew Santino?

  That they let you fly pretty free on that movie.

• 30:32Speaker 07

  Well, he told me to. It was my first movie, so he basically instructed me. I was a bit befuddled because it was my first movie, so I was so sort of terrified. And I had the script and we did it. We did it successfully. The scene like, I think we did it three or four or five times. And then Peter and Bobby literally pulled me to the side and they said, Harland, do it the Harland way now. And I just went, what, what, what do you talk, what, what's the Harland? They go, just do it the Harland way. And then I, in my head, I just went, oh, they just want me to just be me.

• 31:09Andrew Santino?

  Be funny.

• 31:10Speaker 07

  And do this. It was already funny, but they wanted me to do it to just let it flow.

• 31:15Andrew Santino?

  And you did.

• 31:15Speaker 07

  And thank God they did cuz I had so much fun. And so what I'm saying is they left 50% of that moment in that movie is right from the script. And 50% was the moment where they just, they let me fly.

• 31:30Andrew Santino?

  Sipping back Grandpa's cough medicine, that's you.

• 31:33Speaker 07

  That was me.

• 31:34Andrew Santino?

  I know that was you. I can always tell.

• 31:36Speaker 07

  And you'll like that story cuz it relates to the booze.

• 31:37Andrew Santino?

  Your little pumpkin haircutted freak, that's, that's.

• 31:40Speaker 07

  That's me.

• 31:40Andrew Santino?

  That's you. I know that's you. I know you.

• 31:42Speaker 07

  Yeah.

• 31:43Andrew Santino?

  Uh, also, uh,

• 31:47Andrew Santino?

  uh, when you say, give me a sip of that, you little, uh.

• 31:50Speaker 07

  Pumpkin pie here kinda thing.

• 31:51Andrew Santino?

  No, no, no, but then the other thing you said, uh.

• 31:56Speaker 07

  I don't know.

• 31:57Andrew Santino?

  I don't remember. You still.

• 31:59Speaker 08

  Doing a bit of boozing?

• 32:00Andrew Santino?

  Bit of boozing?

• 32:01Speaker 07

  Oh, yeah, yeah.

• 32:01Andrew Santino?

  That's you.

• 32:02Speaker 07

  Well, that whole bit go, goes back to my grandfather who used to like to have a drink. Old Irish guy Neil O'Donnell, my grandfather, Irishman. And there were 12 grandkids and we'd all go over for the holidays. And I guess he didn't want the kids to know that he liked to drink a whiskey or whatever it was. So he called it cough medicine. And he called my grandmother, mother. And we'd all be on the floor playing and, and he'd go, mother, bring me another cough medicine. And so she'd bring him a drink, but we weren't idiots. Well, I was, but I sort of got that it was code for.

• 32:43Speaker 07

  So when I did that scene where I caught Jim and Jeff with the booze. It just popped into my head. Oh, it's booze. It's cough medicine. So that's why I improvised that line. You boys been sucking back on dad and granddaddy's cough medicine. It literally, so whenever someone quotes that to me or brings it up, I think of my dear grandfather Neil O'Donnell.

• 33:07Andrew Santino?

  I wanted to show love for your grandfather.

• 33:09Speaker 07

  Thank you. It's very sentimental.

• 33:11Andrew Santino?

  I'm a sentimental guy when it comes to you.

• 33:12Speaker 07

  You are?

• 33:13Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, because I respect you and I love you.

• 33:15Speaker 07

  Wow, thank you.

• 33:15Andrew Santino?

  Another compliment.

• 33:17Speaker 07

  Thank you, buddy.

• 33:18Andrew Santino?

  I've got a couple more coming. You have the best sideburns in the game. No one burns like your sides. Nobody burns like your sides.

• 33:24Speaker 07

  You know what's interesting? That compliment I take with a bit of humility because these aren't, they're not, they're not hair plugs, but what I do is I've, over the years. I've sort of shaved the, I don't know if you get pubes on your ass cheeks.

• 33:41Andrew Santino?

  I do, yeah.

• 33:41Speaker 07

  Or is it ass hair? I know you get pubes here.

• 33:44Andrew Santino?

  But that's ass pubes.

• 33:45Speaker 07

  Okay, so what I do.

• 33:46Andrew Santino?

  Anything below the belt is an ass pub.

• 33:47Speaker 07

  I, I shave, I've, I've collected ass pubes and it's sort of a, sort of a hair plug thing with ass pubes.

• 33:54Andrew Santino?

  It's patchwork.

• 33:55Speaker 07

  Yeah, cuz you just don't grow these.

• 33:57Andrew Santino?

  Nobody does.

• 33:58Speaker 07

  You put them on.

• 33:59Andrew Santino?

  But they look good.

• 34:00Speaker 07

  They look good and why waste ass hair? Put it on your face. That's a tip for, that's a tip for guys watching.

• 34:08Andrew Santino?

  Do the ladies like it?

• 34:09Speaker 07

  They love it. Oh, I have this one gal. She loves gravy. Everywhere we go, she, she orders a side of gravy.

• 34:17Andrew Santino?

  Everywhere.

• 34:18Speaker 07

  Every, everywhere we go, even if we go for lobster, you know, people get melted butter, she'll get gravy. And I call her gravy finger Sally and she love.

• 34:28Andrew Santino?

  Don't laugh, dude. He's talking about his personal life.

• 34:30Speaker 07

  She loves, she's always got drippins, the grizzlins, I call them.

• 34:35Andrew Santino?

  The grizzlins?

• 34:35Speaker 07

  The grizzlins, and she loves to rub them through my sideburns.

• 34:39Andrew Santino?

  Does she? Do you like it?

• 34:40Speaker 07

  I don't mind it. Sometimes I'll be out on a windy day, I can smell beef mushroom. And I know it's just the wind wisping through my ass pubes.

• 34:52Speaker 07

  And sort of carrying, drifting past my nostril. I almost feel like a, like a lion on the Serengeti on the hunt and I pinpoint it.

• 35:02Andrew Santino?

  Stop laughing at his personal stories, dude. I'm sorry about that, Harlan.

• 35:05Speaker 07

  It's okay. It's kind of hard to communicate when I'm getting ridiculed.

• 35:09Andrew Santino?

  Well, he, that's a big problem with him and guests. We've told him, you have to cut it out, man. I'm serious.

• 35:14Speaker 07

  I can handle, I mean, I'm used to being laughed at, but it's just.

• 35:17Andrew Santino?

  You're being laughed with.

• 35:18Speaker 07

  It's, it's one thing when I'm on stage goofing and being funny, but when I'm telling it like a, like a sentimental story, a sincere story. I just don't feel.

• 35:29Andrew Santino?

  Do you not feel comfortable?

• 35:30Speaker 07

  A little insulting, but I'm a big boy.

• 35:31Andrew Santino?

  You are very big boy.

• 35:32Speaker 07

  I can handle it.

• 35:33Andrew Santino?

  You're a very big boy. Very big boy. Who's the biggest boy? You the biggest boy?

• 35:37Speaker 07

  Don't say it like that.

• 35:38Andrew Santino?

  Who's my biggest boy?

• 35:39Speaker 07

  You know, you're starting to sound.

• 35:40Andrew Santino?

  Who's my big, big boy? Who's my big boy?

• 35:44Speaker 07

  Starting to sound a lot like my priest. Like, dial it back.

• 35:49Andrew Santino?

  You don't go to church anymore. You quit.

• 35:50Speaker 07

  Not anymore.

• 35:51Andrew Santino?

  Not after what happened.

• 35:52Speaker 07

  Not after the big boy talk.

• 35:58Andrew Santino?

  Tell me a joke.

• 36:00Speaker 07

  Um, okay.

• 36:03Speaker 07

  I, um, I went out cruising the other night.

• 36:06Andrew Santino?

  West Hollywood?

• 36:08Speaker 07

  No, I was out looking for girls. And I went down on Hollywood Boulevard, hit about four or five bars. And I found a hottie, like a 12 out of 10.

• 36:20Andrew Santino?

  Whoa.

• 36:20Speaker 07

  Like, this chick was humming.

• 36:23Andrew Santino?

  Yeah.

• 36:24Speaker 07

  And I got her home, we're under the sheets.

• 36:26Andrew Santino?

  What's going on in there?

• 36:27Speaker 07

  And these trannies. They're so like, they look so good. You didn't know, we're rolling around under the sheets, clothes are off, I'm feeling around and I'm trying to be delicate. I go, look, I don't want to hurt your feelings.

• 36:43Andrew Santino?

  Right.

• 36:44Speaker 07

  But your pussy has a cock.

• 36:49Speaker 07

  Your clit's about five inches long and there's a mushroom cap on it.

• 36:53Andrew Santino?

  Right.

• 36:54Speaker 07

  And when I take a, and she was a great guy, don't get me wrong, but it wasn't really for me.

• 37:00Andrew Santino?

  Not your thing?

• 37:00Speaker 07

  Not my thing. And, and when I go to bed, daddy wants to do the, you know.

• 37:07Andrew Santino?

  What is that? Fist fight?

• 37:08Speaker 07

  Not, not the other way around.

• 37:09Andrew Santino?

  Oh, knee dough.

• 37:10Speaker 07

  Yeah. And when, I think you could agree, when we do cunnilingus, us men, we want our tongue to go into the velvet cave.

• 37:18Andrew Santino?

  I've never done it.

• 37:18Speaker 07

  You've never done cunnilingus?

• 37:22Andrew Santino?

  No, it's against my religion.

• 37:25Speaker 00

  Coca-Cola. For the big, for the small, the short, and the tall. Peacemakers, risk takers. For the optimists, pessimists. For long distance love. For introverts and extroverts. The thinkers and the doers. For old friends and new. Coca-Cola. For everyone. Pick up some Coca-Cola at a store near you.

• 37:55Speaker 01

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• 38:26Speaker 09

  Honey, that flu keeping you up? Did you take Nyquil Intense Flu?

• 38:29Speaker 10

  Nah, I got this. Okay, I don't got this.

• 38:35Speaker 09

  Yeah, you need Nyquil Intense Flu.

• 38:37Speaker 11

  Undo your flu with Nyquil Intense Flu. Nyquil Intense Flu provides powerful relief of your flu symptoms so you can sleep.

• 38:46Speaker 09

  You do got this.

• 38:48Speaker 11

  Nyquil Intense Flu. The nighttime sniffling, aching, aching fever. Best sleep with a flu medicine. Uses directed. Keep out of reach of children.

• 39:06Speaker 07

  Hang on.

• 39:14Speaker 07

  You make me nervous, guy, when you say you've never licked beaver.

• 39:17Andrew Santino?

  I know.

• 39:18Speaker 07

  I get a little, that's a $500 wipe, by the way.

• 39:21Andrew Santino?

  I'm just not a big, uh, I've just never, I've never had the chance or the opportunity is really what it is.

• 39:27Speaker 07

  Let me ask you this, you ever, I'm gonna break it down and make this easy for you.

• 39:30Andrew Santino?

  Please.

• 39:31Speaker 07

  It's summer, you're 14.

• 39:34Andrew Santino?

  No, I'm 41.

• 39:35Speaker 07

  Well, I'm, this is a, but we're, you know, I'm trying to set up a hypothetical.

• 39:39Andrew Santino?

  Oh, okay.

• 39:40Speaker 07

  It's summer, you're 14, you're at the trailer park in Wisconsin with your family.

• 39:46Andrew Santino?

  Yep.

• 39:48Speaker 07

  There's a little snack shop.

• 39:50Andrew Santino?

  I see it, yeah.

• 39:51Speaker 07

  You go in, you buy yourself, you open the thing, ice cream sandwich.

• 39:56Andrew Santino?

  Love an ice cream sandwich.

• 39:57Speaker 07

  You pull it out, it's nice, it's firm, it's got the chocolate wafers with the vanilla ice cream in the middle. You peel off the top half, the bottom half's still in the wrapper.

• 40:09Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 40:10Speaker 07

  You take a bite, the consistency's all there, it's hard, it's firm, but still malleable. You step outside into the scorching humidity of a, a July day in Wisconsin. Probably the heat index is 103.

• 40:29Andrew Santino?

  Wow.

• 40:30Speaker 07

  Even the cicadas eyes are boiling. This thing starts dripping like Dolly Parton on a bicycle built for two, but there's three on board.

• 40:39Andrew Santino?

  Okay.

• 40:41Speaker 07

  Vanilla ice cream dripping through that chocolate wafer, and you realize you just can't bite this hor, this thing anymore. You got to start doing a little licking. And there you go.

• 40:55Speaker 07

  And that's cunnilingus. That's what it is. Yeah. It's ice cream sandwiches? It's like you've licked an ice cream. What I'm trying to tell you, Bongo Billy, is when you were a kid, did you ever lick an ice cream sandwich? We weren't allowed to have ice cream. Okay. Maybe you haven't done cunnilingus. See? You ever put a cat's tail in a roll of sandpaper and suck on it? That I've done. Then you've done cunnilingus. Okay. On a guy. Wait. Buddy, buddy, you're out of control. Well. You're out of control. So was David Bowie when he went up, Ziggy Stardust. He lost control. When he was a Starman? Yeah, he said, "Ground control, we've lost control," or whatever.

• 41:38Speaker 07

  "Tell my wife I love her very much," you know, so. Well, that's Elton John. You're not the only one who's. No, that was Ziggy Stardust. "Tell my wife I love her very much. She knows, Major Tom, to ground control, you're suck, it's dead. There's something wrong. Do you hear me, Major Tom?" Do I have to sing the whole song to get my point across? I could. Here am I, sitting in a tin can, far above the moon. Planet Earth is blue, and there's nothing I can do. Ding ding, yeah. It's a good song.

• 42:22Speaker 07

  Well, I was just trying to get a point across. It had nothing to do with the song. Oh, I got lost in the song. Probably got lost in my eyes, too. I'm looking at him right now, so deep, so blue. How deep on a scale of one to 100? 66. Yeah. Yeah, pretty, pretty good. Keep going. That was your average. What was your average score in, in school? What did you grade in school? I only played hockey for two years and I'd get about two goals a game. But you were a defenseman, yeah? Yeah, that's what made it so spectacular. It really was. Yeah, so that was my average score. Favorite hockey player? Your what? She doesn't play anymore. So sorry.

• 42:59Andrew Santino?

  Don't do that.

• 42:59Speaker 07

  I'm sorry, it slipped. My favorite hockey player.

• 43:04Andrew Santino?

  Who'd you love, the Leafs?

• 43:06Speaker 07

  No, I'm, I don't have a loyalty to a team. I'm a bandwagon sports guy and I pick my teams when we get to the finals.

• 43:15Andrew Santino?

  Got it.

• 43:18Speaker 07

  Gump Warsley was a favorite. He was the goalie for the Minnesota North Stars. The last goalie to not wear a mask. And when I was a little boy, my dad took me to Maple Leaf Gardens when I was about six or seven. Took me to see the Minnesota North Stars play the Toronto Maple Leafs at Maple Leaf Gardens. And there was Gump Warsley. I loved him because he looked like Curly from the Three Stooges. He was bald with the buzz cut, no mask in net. So I got to watch an NHL game where a goalie had no mask and he was the, the last goalie to do it.

• 43:52Andrew Santino?

  Well, he died because of a puck to the head. That's, that was.

• 43:56Speaker 07

  And that was the game I was at.

• 43:58Andrew Santino?

  The game you were at.

• 43:58Speaker 07

  Yeah.

• 44:01Speaker 07

  So he was my JFK, Gump Warsley.

• 44:07Andrew Santino?

  I respect your honesty and your storytelling.

• 44:09Speaker 07

  I respect your underwear hanging on a clothesline.

• 44:12Andrew Santino?

  What color is my underwear right now?

• 44:14Speaker 07

  Yellow stain with a 14 inch skid mark, white, fruit of the looms, hold on.

• 44:20Andrew Santino?

  No way. Is he gonna guess this right?

• 44:21Speaker 07

  Waggling on a clothesline in Wisconsin, a hummingbird going through the air, a breakneck speed. His little bill gets stuck right in the fabric. It's like a dartboard with a shit streak. And there's a hummingbird flapping desperately. It's nose stuck in your skid mark.

• 44:41Andrew Santino?

  Really?

• 44:41Speaker 07

  That's what I'm saying. What are you talk, what do you got?

• 44:44Andrew Santino?

  They're blue.

• 44:45Speaker 07

  Oh, maybe I'm thinking of your neighbors. Huh.

• 44:49Andrew Santino?

  Don't laugh. You're laughing at him and it's gotten, it's gotten out of control.

• 44:53Speaker 07

  Yeah.

• 44:53Andrew Santino?

  Apologize for laughing at him.

• 44:56Speaker 08

  I, I think I have allergies.

• 44:57Andrew Santino?

  Oh, he is, oh, he's allergic.

• 44:59Speaker 07

  He has laughing allergies.

• 45:00Andrew Santino?

  No, no, he, yeah, no, he's allergic.

• 45:01Speaker 07

  To what?

• 45:03Speaker 08

  Some cats.

• 45:05Speaker 07

  Some cats?

• 45:06Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, not all cats.

• 45:07Speaker 07

  The bald cats have no dander.

• 45:09Andrew Santino?

  Do you have a bald cat?

• 45:10Speaker 07

  No, but I've, I, I'm allergic to cats as well. And the bald cat, it's the dander you're allergic to, not the cat.

• 45:17Andrew Santino?

  Who's dander?

• 45:18Speaker 07

  Dander is a condition in the skin and the fur of a cat.

• 45:22Andrew Santino?

  Hmm.

• 45:22Speaker 07

  So the bald cats are dander-less.

• 45:25Andrew Santino?

  They're hairless, danderless.

• 45:26Speaker 07

  And so you can touch them without getting the allergic reaction that you would get if you touched a hairy one.

• 45:33Andrew Santino?

  Are we talking about cats? What are we talking about?

• 45:35Speaker 07

  I'm talking about Siamese cats.

• 45:37Andrew Santino?

  Oh.

• 45:39Speaker 07

  Or Siamese twins.

• 45:40Andrew Santino?

  You love those, don't you?

• 45:41Speaker 07

  I like the fat ones because if you get a rack of ribs and thr-

• 45:47Andrew Santino?

  Stop laughing.

• 45:48Speaker 07

  If you get a rack of ribs and throw them one way.

• 45:51Andrew Santino?

  Mm-hmm.

• 45:51Speaker 07

  Uh, one of them's almost gonna rip the other twin off. Cause one of them's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's.

• 46:01Andrew Santino?

  You alright?

• 46:02Speaker 07

  I had a little seizure, I think. Seizure? I barely know her.

• 46:07Andrew Santino?

  No, that's.

• 46:08Speaker 07

  What the?

• 46:09Andrew Santino?

  It's actually a dangerous medical condition.

• 46:11Speaker 07

  A seizure?

• 46:11Andrew Santino?

  Do you have seizures?

• 46:12Speaker 07

  I had a seizure salad.

• 46:14Andrew Santino?

  For lunch?

• 46:15Speaker 07

  For dinner.

• 46:16Andrew Santino?

  It's noon.

• 46:17Speaker 07

  I know, but that's where I get disoriented.

• 46:20Andrew Santino?

  Are you okay?

• 46:21Speaker 07

  I think so.

• 46:22Andrew Santino?

  Do you want me to take you to the hospital?

• 46:24Speaker 07

  I'd rather you take me to the dollar store.

• 46:26Andrew Santino?

  Well, there's one down the street, but what do you need?

• 46:28Speaker 07

  Something for 50 cents.

• 46:30Andrew Santino?

  We can get two things then.

• 46:31Speaker 07

  Yeah, that's why I wanna go there.

• 46:34Andrew Santino?

  Okay, let's go.

• 46:35Speaker 07

  Okay.

• 46:36Speaker 02

  In here, we pour whiskey, whiskey.

• 46:39Andrew Santino?

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• 47:20Andrew Santino?

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• 47:57Andrew Santino?

  What's your guilty pleasure?

• 48:00Speaker 07

  You James Bond?

• 48:02Andrew Santino?

  That's my Larry King. What's your guilty pleasure?

• 48:04Speaker 07

  No, that was, what's your guilty pleasure?

• 48:06Andrew Santino?

  What's your guilty pleasure, pussy?

• 48:12Speaker 07

  That's my guilty pleasure right there.

• 48:15Andrew Santino?

  What do you spend all that money you got in your pocket? What do you spend all your money on? You got so much fucking money. I know you're a rich guy, I've seen your, I've seen your lifestyle. Coke, you spend all your money on Coke?

• 48:25Andrew Santino?

  Do you still get residuals from Dumb and Dumber?

• 48:27Speaker 07

  Yeah.

• 48:28Andrew Santino?

  You do?

• 48:28Speaker 07

  Sure, man.

• 48:29Andrew Santino?

  Are they good?

• 48:30Speaker 07

  No, they're not like hundreds of thousands of dollars, but...

• 48:34Andrew Santino?

  What's the most residuals you get from, from what project that you've done?

• 48:37Speaker 07

  Well, what is it? Rocketman? Rocket, you get them from, I get them from all of them.

• 48:41Andrew Santino?

  But what's the, what yields the best after all this time?

• 48:44Speaker 07

  I've done like, I think 50 movies, so I get them from all of them. But obviously the bigger a movie is, the more you get.

• 48:51Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, no shit.

• 48:52Speaker 07

  But I got some healthy ones from Something About Mary and...

• 49:01Speaker 07

  That might have been the biggest one was

• 49:02Andrew Santino?

  Something.

• 49:03Speaker 07

  Something about Mary Rosids.

• 49:05Andrew Santino?

  So good, huh?

• 49:05Speaker 07

  Yeah.

• 49:06Andrew Santino?

  You could live off of those, couldn't you? Like, if you never worked again, you could just live off of those.

• 49:09Speaker 07

  None now, because they've, you know, they've been

• 49:12Andrew Santino?

  They taper off.

• 49:13Speaker 07

  Yeah, they've been like ten, twenty, thirty years old, almost, some of those movies.

• 49:18Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, but that's crazy. You still make money on those things.

• 49:20Speaker 07

  Yeah.

• 49:20Andrew Santino?

  And you deserve almost none of the money that you make.

• 49:22Speaker 07

  I don't deserve a damn penny.

• 49:24Andrew Santino?

  God bless.

• 49:24Speaker 07

  I feel like I should pay them back for wrecking their movie.

• 49:28Andrew Santino?

  Now you're such a good little movie star.

• 49:30Speaker 07

  Whoa, whoa, guy.

• 49:32Andrew Santino?

  You little movie star.

• 49:33Speaker 07

  Me too.

• 49:34Andrew Santino?

  No.

• 49:35Speaker 07

  Wow, me shoe.

• 49:37Andrew Santino?

  When is your, when is your movie come out?

• 49:39Speaker 07

  Uh, so Wingman is a movie that I wrote and directed.

• 49:43Andrew Santino?

  Yeah.

• 49:44Speaker 07

  Um, and we're hopefully

• 49:47Andrew Santino?

  You got a lot of our friends in that movie. There's a lot of people that we know in that.

• 49:50Speaker 07

  Russell Peters, Jamie Kennedy. Um, and I'm hoping, we're looking, hopefully, we've been talking about October.

• 49:59Andrew Santino?

  My birthday.

• 50:00Speaker 07

  So what I'd love to do is when I actually have a release date, maybe you'll have me back on one of your shows and I can

• 50:06Andrew Santino?

  No.

• 50:06Speaker 07

  Show a trailer or plug it or

• 50:08Andrew Santino?

  I don't think so.

• 50:09Speaker 07

  We could watch the whole movie.

• 50:10Andrew Santino?

  This'll be the last time I see you. I won't see you for a long time.

• 50:12Speaker 07

  We can maybe just block you out.

• 50:15Andrew Santino?

  Oh, you want to put it over me?

• 50:16Speaker 07

  Just show the whole movie. And we could call it Wingman, the movie Harland asked Andrew to star in, but he was busy doing Sinicky Trinicky.

• 50:27Andrew Santino?

  No, Ricky Sinicky, don't be disrespectful.

• 50:29Speaker 07

  Okay, I'm not. I don't know how to speak stuffs.

• 50:31Andrew Santino?

  You don't speak stuffs?

• 50:32Speaker 07

  Not stuffs that are tricky, sticky.

• 50:35Andrew Santino?

  Oh, God. I knew this was gonna be, I knew you were gonna start talking shit, dude.

• 50:39Speaker 07

  You started speaking tongues.

• 50:41Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, I started that way. That's how I always start the show.

• 50:43Speaker 07

  Okay.

• 50:44Andrew Santino?

  This show is sponsored by the Illuminati.

• 50:46Speaker 07

  Ooh, bro. Yeah, I didn't know that.

• 50:49Andrew Santino?

  Really?

• 50:50Speaker 07

  This might not be the show for me, guy.

• 50:52Andrew Santino?

  Oh, it's the show for you, bud.

• 50:53Speaker 07

  Whoa.

• 50:54Andrew Santino?

  Let me show for you.

• 50:55Speaker 07

  Shit.

• 50:56Andrew Santino?

  If you show for me, then I'll show for you.

• 50:59Speaker 07

  Where would you like to go?

• 51:01Andrew Santino?

  Pacoima?

• 51:02Speaker 07

  Alright, I'll see if I have enough gas and I'll show for there.

• 51:06Andrew Santino?

  You have an electric car, so you don't need gas.

• 51:08Speaker 07

  It's a vibrator.

• 51:09Andrew Santino?

  Oh, that's right, sorry. By the way, can you name that song, what that's from? If you show for me, I will show for you.

• 51:18Speaker 07

  Is it from a soundtrack?

• 51:21Andrew Santino?

  I bet it's in a movie. I'm not, I'm trying to think.

• 51:23Speaker 07

  Can you do it one more time? If you.

• 51:25Andrew Santino?

  If you show for me, I will show for you.

• 51:29Speaker 07

  I got it, I got it. It's, can you do it one more time?

• 51:34Speaker 07

  Give me one hint. Like the, the, the, the, the initials of the artist.

• 51:39Andrew Santino?

  PG.

• 51:40Speaker 07

  Okay, can you do it one more time?

• 51:42Andrew Santino?

  PG, and it starts with an S. The song starts with an S. It's a weapon. Well, it's a practical tool, but could be a weapon.

• 51:49Speaker 07

  Gee.

• 51:55Speaker 07

  Oh, Peter Gabriel.

• 51:57Andrew Santino?

  Come on, dude.

• 51:57Speaker 07

  Shh, Arizona shitstorm.

• 52:01Andrew Santino?

  Dude.

• 52:04Speaker 07

  A Peter Gabriel sledgehammer.

• 52:06Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, baby. That song, I, dude, that song hypes me up so hard.

• 52:11Speaker 07

  It does? I never liked it.

• 52:13Andrew Santino?

  What?

• 52:13Speaker 07

  I know, and he did that, that really creative animated video. Here's why I didn't like it, you ready?

• 52:20Andrew Santino?

  Yeah.

• 52:20Speaker 07

  I have a perception of rock stars, the same way I have a perception of supermodels.

• 52:27Andrew Santino?

  Sure.

• 52:27Speaker 07

  I don't want to go into Sephora, not that I buy makeup.

• 52:31Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, why are you going to Sephora?

• 52:32Speaker 07

  And see posters of freckles and chunky and bongo eyes. I want to s- I want to see models. I want to see Klum, I want to see Schaefer.

• 52:44Andrew Santino?

  Got it.

• 52:45Speaker 07

  I want to see Crawford.

• 52:46Andrew Santino?

  Right.

• 52:47Speaker 07

  I don't need to see, uh, crinkle teeth.

• 52:50Andrew Santino?

  Are you the one who miss crinkle teeth?

• 52:51Speaker 07

  I don't want to see girls that aren't models.

• 52:54Andrew Santino?

  Got it.

• 52:54Speaker 07

  So, Peter Gabriel to me looked like an accountant.

• 52:57Andrew Santino?

  He was.

• 52:58Speaker 07

  For Subway sandwiches. He didn't look like a rock star.

• 53:01Andrew Santino?

  Okay.

• 53:02Speaker 07

  And so I could never, I couldn't buy it. I need my Axl Rose, I need, I need my black, I need a rock star to be a rock star.

• 53:10Andrew Santino?

  You need your black.

• 53:11Speaker 07

  I always had trouble with nerds. Doing hit songs, as great as the song may be, I just, the affiliation, the attachment of something that didn't look the way it sounded, always rubbed me the wrong way.

• 53:26Andrew Santino?

  So you can't separate the artist from the art?

• 53:29Speaker 07

  Sometimes I can't, and Peter Gabriel just, he was one of the, and I hate to, I hate to wee wee all over your childhood delight.

• 53:38Andrew Santino?

  No, I thought that song was, I just loved that song for some reason, it just got me hyped up.

• 53:43Speaker 07

  Really? Cause it's, it's sort of a bit of a low key song.

• 53:49Speaker 07

  That opening sting kind of has it, but the rest of the song is, I'm your sledgehammer, like it's not, it's not like, you know, the prodigy smack my bitch up.

• 54:00Andrew Santino?

  Well, that song has a lot of negative stuff in it, and I want positive.

• 54:07Speaker 07

  Well, sledgehammer, I mean, there's smack your bitch up, and then there's take a sledgehammer to her.

• 54:11Andrew Santino?

  Well, he never hits her with it, he just shows it to her, and if you show for me, I'll show for you.

• 54:16Speaker 07

  Sledgehammer does a lot more than a slap, so who's the domestic creeper now?

• 54:21Andrew Santino?

  You.

• 54:22Speaker 07

  Me?

• 54:22Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, you.

• 54:23Speaker 07

  Okay, thanks.

• 54:24Andrew Santino?

  You're the one with gravy in your fucking sideburns.

• 54:26Speaker 07

  Assburns.

• 54:27Andrew Santino?

  Ass sideburns, I apologize.

• 54:30Speaker 07

  Shwank, shwuh.

• 54:31Andrew Santino?

  Did we have the most fun when I did your show and we squirted lotion all over each other? And it was the funniest moment of my entire life.

• 54:36Speaker 07

  Dude, I've never seen you laugh so hard.

• 54:39Andrew Santino?

  I've never, I haven't laughed that hard in years.

• 54:41Speaker 07

  Is it okay for two guys to moist your eyes together in the same room?

• 54:45Andrew Santino?

  I think so.

• 54:46Speaker 07

  It is?

• 54:46Andrew Santino?

  What would be wrong with this?

• 54:48Speaker 07

  I don't know.

• 54:49Andrew Santino?

  Ooh, this feels gooood.

• 54:51Speaker 07

  This does feel good.

• 54:52Andrew Santino?

  You want some more?

• 54:52Speaker 07

  Yeah.

• 54:53Andrew Santino?

  Yep.

• 54:56Speaker 07

  Okay, perfect.

• 54:57Andrew Santino?

  Nice, that's where you needed it, right up the arm, dude.

• 55:00Speaker 07

  Lord, you are so good.

• 55:02Andrew Santino?

  Yes, my son.

• 55:03Speaker 07

  Thank you, God.

• 55:03Andrew Santino?

  Yes, my son. You know, they say it helps if you put it on your glasses.

• 55:07Speaker 07

  Oh, really?

• 55:08Andrew Santino?

  Yep.

• 55:09Speaker 07

  I would love some on my face, my face is.

• 55:34Andrew Santino?

  Shh.

• 55:39Speaker 07

  Okay.

• 55:41Speaker 07

  Hold on, we need to regroup.

• 55:45Speaker 07

  Are you kidding me?

• 55:50Speaker 04

  Holy shit.

• 55:52Speaker 07

  Is it on my, is it on my lips?

• 55:53Andrew Santino?

  No, it's just a little bit on your glasses.

• 55:56Speaker 07

  Okay, just a little?

• 55:57Andrew Santino?

  Just a little bit.

• 55:58Speaker 07

  Oh, thank you, Lord.

• 56:03Speaker 07

  It was not a planned bit.

• 56:05Andrew Santino?

  No, there was no bit planned.

• 56:06Speaker 07

  I had this bottle of Nivea cream and that's what I do with my podcast. I have this cubby hole underneath and I'll just put things in it. And for some reason, I had the lotion there and I, in the middle of us talking, I just randomly pulled it out. I did not pre-plan us doing any of that.

• 56:26Andrew Santino?

  No, no bit was planned.

• 56:27Speaker 07

  And then you sort of guided it to a degree. I gotta give you credit because I just pulled it out and I said, is it okay if two guys do lotion together? And you're like, it's fine. And then you saw my glasses sitting on the table and you were like, you know, it's great if you get it on your glasses. So I saw where you were going. We improvise and...

• 56:50Andrew Santino?

  You're one of the best improvisers I've ever met.

• 56:52Speaker 07

  Thank you, buddy.

• 56:53Andrew Santino?

  You ready?

• 56:54Speaker 07

  Yeah.

• 56:56Andrew Santino?

  Are you ready?

• 56:57Speaker 07

  I'm ready. I'm always ready.

• 56:59Andrew Santino?

  Well, we gotta go. So if we don't go soon, then they're gonna come in here.

• 57:02Speaker 07

  How many of them?

• 57:03Andrew Santino?

  Thirteen.

• 57:04Speaker 07

  Can we make it 12?

• 57:06Andrew Santino?

  I can call somebody, but I just don't know how it's gonna work out.

• 57:09Speaker 07

  Wow, whatever happens, just know that I got your back.

• 57:14Andrew Santino?

  Just know that I got yours.

• 57:18Andrew Santino?

  And meanwhile,

• 57:20Andrew Santino?

  the sandwiches are cooking. So when the press is done, we've gotta open those doors and let those customers in.

• 57:28Speaker 07

  Okay, I was, I was finished after I said, I've got your back.

• 57:32Andrew Santino?

  Oh, that was, I thought we were...

• 57:33Speaker 07

  I'm not a long improviser.

• 57:34Andrew Santino?

  I got it, it's very short form.

• 57:36Speaker 07

  I'm like a sprinter improviser.

• 57:37Andrew Santino?

  All right, here we go. You ready?

• 57:39Speaker 07

  Yeah.

• 57:43Andrew Santino?

  Hey, where have you been?

• 57:44Speaker 07

  Oh, I was over there, just three streets over, looking in old Jack Smith's window. He's up to something down in the basement now. I've been trying to tell you for years now.

• 57:53Andrew Santino?

  What do you think he's doing down there?

• 57:55Speaker 07

  I saw an electric drill, I saw an electric sander, and most of all, I saw a bald Korean child.

• 58:03Andrew Santino?

  A bald Korean child in the basement of his home. What do you think he's doing with him?

• 58:10Speaker 07

  No, I ended at bald Korean child.

• 58:12Andrew Santino?

  Oh, that was it.

• 58:12Speaker 07

  I just do short improvs.

• 58:14Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, I forgot about that, sorry about that.

• 58:15Speaker 07

  You know, don't make me look bad.

• 58:17Andrew Santino?

  Oh.

• 58:18Speaker 07

  I do.

• 58:18Andrew Santino?

  Hello?

• 58:19Speaker 07

  Yes?

• 58:20Andrew Santino?

  Where have you been?

• 58:21Speaker 07

  Oh, hi Carl, I've been grocery shopping. I got all the things you wanted for your wonderful Christmas log cake.

• 58:27Andrew Santino?

  Well, thank you so much, and make sure you don't forget the pine nuts.

• 58:31Speaker 07

  I won't forget the pine nuts, but don't forget, Dave Anderson from just up the road has an allergy. We don't want to get him sick now for the holidays.

• 58:40Andrew Santino?

  Do you think if he eats a pine nut, he'll die?

• 58:44Speaker 07

  Idiot.

• 58:44Andrew Santino?

  Oh, that's it, you're done with it.

• 58:45Speaker 07

  We don't want to. My voice goes up, we don't want to get him sick for the holiday.

• 58:49Andrew Santino?

  I'm sorry.

• 58:50Speaker 07

  I can't go beyond that.

• 58:51Andrew Santino?

  I understand.

• 58:52Speaker 07

  Why are you gonna fuck me over sideways for Thursday?

• 58:55Andrew Santino?

  I just want you on your stomach.

• 58:56Speaker 07

  I know, but God.

• 58:59Andrew Santino?

  Alright.

• 58:59Speaker 07

  I am a great improver, I'm not gonna take that away from what you said, but I can't do the long ones, or the longies.

• 59:06Andrew Santino?

  You're not a longie guy?

• 59:07Speaker 07

  I do the shorties.

• 59:08Andrew Santino?

  Where did you get all your training? Where's your formal? That's your formal training at Debra?

• 59:12Speaker 07

  Night school, not the daytime, I can't be funny at the day.

• 59:15Andrew Santino?

  Daytime's hard time.

• 59:16Speaker 07

  I do night stuff, yeah, I'm a night. Uh, I'm sort of like Geno Vannelli and Christopher Walken. I walk amongst the creatures of the night, night, night, night, night, night, night. Sort of like, I do an echo reverb when I say night.

• 59:34Andrew Santino?

  Night.

• 59:34Speaker 07

  So someone would say, "I walk amongst the creatures of the night." Flat, boring.

• 59:40Andrew Santino?

  Yeah.

• 59:40Speaker 07

  But watch what I do, ready?

• 59:43Speaker 07

  "I walk amongst the creatures of the night, night, night, night, night, night, night, night."

• 59:49Andrew Santino?

  Pretty good.

• 59:50Speaker 07

  Right?

• 59:51Andrew Santino?

  Well, some of that tech is missing because you got louder halfway through.

• 59:54Speaker 07

  Well, it's just, this is what I do.

• 59:56Andrew Santino?

  I think you're trying to say, "I walk amongst the creatures of the night, night, night, night, night, night."

• 1:00:01Speaker 07

  Yeah.

• 1:00:02Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, see, I did it better than you.

• 1:00:04Speaker 07

  Oh, did you go to DeVry?

• 1:00:06Andrew Santino?

  I went to University of Phoenix online.

• 1:00:08Speaker 07

  Online?

• 1:00:09Andrew Santino?

  Yeah.

• 1:00:09Speaker 07

  Holy god.

• 1:00:10Andrew Santino?

  Just got a computer a couple of years ago. I've been using it like crazy.

• 1:00:13Speaker 07

  So, are you planning a, like, a walk across Niagara Falls?

• 1:00:18Andrew Santino?

  Uh, yeah.

• 1:00:19Speaker 07

  Wow, so you really did learn how to go online. Yeah.

• 1:00:24Andrew Santino?

  Stunning.

• 1:00:26Speaker 07

  Yeah. Well, here's how the Grand Canyon works, right?

• 1:00:29Andrew Santino?

  Hmm.

• 1:00:29Speaker 07

  It's massive. It's a mile deep.

• 1:00:31Andrew Santino?

  Yeah.

• 1:00:32Speaker 07

  And I think it's, what, 78 miles long or something?

• 1:00:36Andrew Santino?

  Sure.

• 1:00:36Speaker 07

  I don't have the numbers. I'm not a number guy.

• 1:00:37Andrew Santino?

  Doesn't matter. Nobody cares.

• 1:00:38Speaker 07

  You drive up to the precipice.

• 1:00:40Andrew Santino?

  Mm-hmm.

• 1:00:42Speaker 07

  It's overwhelming. You stand there for about 45 seconds to a minute and a half. You go, "Wow." "All right, where's the snack stop? Where's the Arby's? Anybody?" Like, how long can you look at deep?

• 1:00:59Andrew Santino?

  I was there for about-

• 1:00:59Speaker 07

  How long can you look at wide?

• 1:01:01Andrew Santino?

  Three hours or so.

• 1:01:02Speaker 07

  Okay, are you a dementoid from the fifth dimension?

• 1:01:05Andrew Santino?

  I was speaking to some of my ancestors.

• 1:01:07Speaker 07

  Oh, like, spirit talk?

• 1:01:09Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, spirit talk.

• 1:01:10Speaker 07

  Were you waving incense around on your tampon?

• 1:01:12Andrew Santino?

  (speaking Spanish)

• 1:01:19Speaker 07

  Wow.

• 1:01:19Andrew Santino?

  Saying hi to my grandmother.

• 1:01:21Speaker 07

  I had a buddy who once told me his sister was so fat, he took her to the Grand Canyon and she got stuck.

• 1:01:27Andrew Santino?

  In the Grand Canyon?

• 1:01:28Speaker 07

  Well, that's the joke. You don't have to explain it.

• 1:01:31Andrew Santino?

  Well, what do you mean? She was fat enough to get stuck inside of the Grand- she went down- And she got ballooned so big that she's for her size-

• 1:01:38Speaker 07

  You're ruining it for the people that were-

• 1:01:38Andrew Santino?

  You're telling me her, the fat was so large that she could touch both sides of the Grand Canyon with her body?

• 1:01:42Speaker 07

  She got stuck, guy. Why you gotta ruin it for them?

• 1:01:45Andrew Santino?

  Where did she get stuck?

• 1:01:47Speaker 07

  In the Grand Ca- she's so fat.

• 1:01:49Andrew Santino?

  She's so fat. You're telling me the fat that surrounds her body-

• 1:01:52Speaker 07

  You're ruining it for them.

• 1:01:53Andrew Santino?

  Okay, I-

• 1:01:54Speaker 07

  Here's how jokes work, guy. You ever do comedy?

• 1:01:57Andrew Santino?

  Not yet.

• 1:01:58Speaker 07

  You lay down a concept.

• 1:02:01Andrew Santino?

  Okay, let's do it. Here's a concept.

• 1:02:04Andrew Santino?

  "You're so ugly."

• 1:02:06Speaker 07

  I am?

• 1:02:07Andrew Santino?

  That's a concept.

• 1:02:09Speaker 07

  That's reality. Look at me.

• 1:02:10Andrew Santino?

  You're a beautiful man.

• 1:02:12Speaker 07

  I'm ugly.

• 1:02:13Andrew Santino?

  You're so dumb.

• 1:02:14Speaker 07

  Yes.

• 1:02:15Andrew Santino?

  That's my concept. What else?

• 1:02:17Speaker 07

  Oh, uh, you're so smelly.

• 1:02:21Andrew Santino?

  No, you just, you were trying to teach me. You said, "Lay down a concept." I laid it down. You're so dumb.

• 1:02:25Speaker 07

  You're so dumb that you could make a all-you-can-eat garlic bread festival come to an end.

• 1:02:36Speaker 07

  That's how dumb you are.

• 1:02:37Andrew Santino?

  How did I end it?

• 1:02:39Speaker 07

  You just stopped chewing.

• 1:02:41Andrew Santino?

  And, oh.

• 1:02:41Speaker 07

  Because it wasn't all you can eat.

• 1:02:44Andrew Santino?

  Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 1:02:47Speaker 07

  And if you're wondering why I'm so clever, it's because I walk amongst the creatures of the night, night, night, night, night. Night, night, night, night, night, night.

• 1:02:57Speaker 07

  Fuck off.

• 1:02:58Andrew Santino?

  Don't tell me to fuck off, dude. You're on my show.

• 1:03:00Speaker 07

  Suck red hair.

• 1:03:02Andrew Santino?

  Don't.

• 1:03:03Speaker 07

  Suck red hair.

• 1:03:04Andrew Santino?

  Don't suck red hair, bud.

• 1:03:05Speaker 07

  Suck red hair and puke fucking manatee gob.

• 1:03:10Andrew Santino?

  Manatee gob?

• 1:03:11Speaker 07

  I'm just...

• 1:03:14Speaker 07

  Dude.

• 1:03:16Andrew Santino?

  This is what it's like, by the way, for those of you that are interested in watching Harland Highway. You gotta go over to Harland Highway when you're done with this show and go watch that show. It's sickening.

• 1:03:25Speaker 07

  Thank you, buddy.

• 1:03:26Andrew Santino?

  It's gross.

• 1:03:27Speaker 07

  What, wait, I thought that was a compliment, but then it...

• 1:03:30Andrew Santino?

  No, I hate it.

• 1:03:30Speaker 07

  Oh, you hate, okay, good.

• 1:03:32Andrew Santino?

  It's about the only thing you've done that I actually hate.

• 1:03:34Speaker 07

  Yeah.

• 1:03:34Andrew Santino?

  More than anything.

• 1:03:36Speaker 07

  I want it to be the most hated podcast. Like, if there's an award.

• 1:03:41Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, you're gonna win one. A webby.

• 1:03:42Speaker 07

  I hope so. A what?

• 1:03:44Andrew Santino?

  A webby.

• 1:03:45Speaker 07

  A webby.

• 1:03:45Andrew Santino?

  Have you ever won an award for any of your shit?

• 1:03:48Speaker 07

  Ah.

• 1:03:50Andrew Santino?

  Dude, Google that. Has he won an award?

• 1:03:52Speaker 07

  I don't believe, like, for what?

• 1:03:54Andrew Santino?

  Acting?

• 1:03:55Speaker 07

  I was nominated once for one of my comedy specials.

• 1:03:59Andrew Santino?

  Were you really? For a Grammy?

• 1:04:00Speaker 07

  No, it was a Canadian, uh, the Canadian Awards.

• 1:04:05Andrew Santino?

  Not a real thing, though.

• 1:04:06Speaker 07

  Yeah, true, true.

• 1:04:07Andrew Santino?

  What is it? I wanna know. That's incredible.

• 1:04:09Speaker 07

  Yeah, it was, uh...

• 1:04:10Andrew Santino?

  As funny and talented as you are, the fact that you haven't won anything is wild to me.

• 1:04:14Speaker 07

  I sort of don't want to. It's very weird.

• 1:04:17Andrew Santino?

  I know. I don't care. I don't ever care to win. But I, I think, as accomplished as you've been, it's a compliment. I'm shocked that someone hasn't been like disguised.

• 1:04:23Speaker 07

  You know, I will say this. I, I created an animated series for Disney called Puppy Dog Pals. And that show won a couple of Emmys for obscure like best casting director, but you know the weird like.

• 1:04:37Andrew Santino?

  Sure.

• 1:04:38Speaker 07

  Best uh voice by a child like.

• 1:04:40Andrew Santino?

  Sure.

• 1:04:41Speaker 07

  I didn't pers- but the show I created did win.

• 1:04:44Andrew Santino?

  So did you have Emmy? Do you have an Emmy?

• 1:04:46Speaker 07

  I do not, no. The Emmy, the show, the elements of the show won the Emmy.

• 1:04:51Andrew Santino?

  So who gets that Emmy?

• 1:04:52Speaker 07

  Like if it was, if it's the casting director, they would get it.

• 1:04:55Andrew Santino?

  That's so fucked. You don't get it. You made the show.

• 1:04:58Speaker 07

  I created, but in my heart, I'm like, wow, my concept gave birth to a, a way for them to receive accolades, which makes me happy.

• 1:05:07Andrew Santino?

  Dog pals.

• 1:05:08Speaker 07

  Puppy dog pals.

• 1:05:10Andrew Santino?

  Good for you. What is it?

• 1:05:11Speaker 08

  It says here you have uh four nominees and one win on IMDb.

• 1:05:16Speaker 07

  For what? What's the win for?

• 1:05:18Speaker 08

  You.

• 1:05:19Speaker 07

  It's gotta be this show.

• 1:05:20Speaker 08

  Nominees.

• 1:05:21Speaker 07

  It's gotta be what we're doing right now.

• 1:05:22Andrew Santino?

  This should win something.

• 1:05:23Speaker 07

  This is a win.

• 1:05:25Andrew Santino?

  This is a W.

• 1:05:25Speaker 08

  In 2013, you had two nominees for the show Robot and Monster.

• 1:05:30Speaker 07

  Oh, okay.

• 1:05:31Speaker 08

  Best male lead vocal performance and best vocal ensemble. Those were two nominations.

• 1:05:35Speaker 07

  I didn't even know this.

• 1:05:36Speaker 08

  And 2010 for the, I think it's a movie, Fudgy Wudgy Fudge Face.

• 1:05:42Speaker 07

  Oh, yes, I did win awards for that.

• 1:05:45Andrew Santino?

  For Fudgy Wudgy Fudge Face?

• 1:05:46Speaker 08

  You are nominated.

• 1:05:47Speaker 07

  And I won, I actually, okay, you got me. But tell me the one that I won.

• 1:05:53Speaker 08

  And in 2011, you won from the Action on Film International Film Festival Outstanding Cast Performance for Dahmer vs. Gacy.

• 1:06:02Speaker 07

  Oh, God.

• 1:06:03Speaker 08

  But it wasn't just for you. You shared it with Erwin Keys, Bonnie Aaron's, Ian Stanberg, Jen Rowan, Jesse Lament, Phyllis O'Rose.

• 1:06:09Andrew Santino?

  That's enough, dude.

• 1:06:09Speaker 07

  Yeah.

• 1:06:10Speaker 08

  Adam White, Chris Warren, Art LaFleur. There's a lot of names on this.

• 1:06:13Speaker 07

  Um.

• 1:06:14Andrew Santino?

  Art LaFleur.

• 1:06:15Speaker 07

  So.

• 1:06:15Andrew Santino?

  It sounds like Chuck McLure, Chuck McLure.

• 1:06:18Speaker 08

  Troy McLure.

• 1:06:18Andrew Santino?

  Troy McLure.

• 1:06:19Speaker 07

  I did an independent.

• 1:06:21Andrew Santino?

  Fudgy Wudgy Fudge Face?

• 1:06:23Speaker 07

  Fudgy Wudgy Fudge Face is an indie movie that I.

• 1:06:25Andrew Santino?

  That's indie? That's on the commercial?

• 1:06:26Speaker 07

  Yeah, I, I, it took me six years to make it and I entered it into a few film festivals. And it actually won the Burbank Film Festival.

• 1:06:36Andrew Santino?

  No way.

• 1:06:37Speaker 07

  For best sci-fi and it won, I think something out in Oklahoma. I entered it in like four film. And I, I actually won a couple and so thank you for reminding me.

• 1:06:48Speaker 08

  It says Bobby's in it.

• 1:06:50Speaker 07

  Bobby Lee is in it. He's in Fudgy Wudgy Fudge Face. Yeah.

• 1:06:53Andrew Santino?

  Oh, my God.

• 1:06:53Speaker 07

  He plays Kangaroo Hands O'Reilly. Yeah.

• 1:06:57Andrew Santino?

  Uh huh.

• 1:06:57Speaker 07

  Yeah. He was so good, I'll never forget. And what's amazing now, when I think about how elusive Bobby is.

• 1:07:05Andrew Santino?

  Elusive.

• 1:07:06Speaker 07

  Like, this is when I didn't know him very well. And I just, I said, "Hey Bobby," I called him up, I said, "I have this movie, would you do a part?" He's like, "Oh yeah, man, I'll be there." He showed up, we, we went all the way out to Palmdale, to the desert and shot. He was fantastic, he knew his lines. And now, all these years later, I look how, how hard it is for that guy to even return a text.

• 1:07:27Andrew Santino?

  It's insane.

• 1:07:27Speaker 07

  I'm like, "How did I get him in Fudgy Wudgy Fudge Face?"

• 1:07:30Andrew Santino?

  What year was Fudgy Wudgy?

• 1:07:31Speaker 07

  But he did a great job, and I love him for it, and he was hilarious.

• 1:07:34Andrew Santino?

  2010. Oh god, 15 years ago, you got the, you got the old Bobby.

• 1:07:39Speaker 07

  Yeah, yeah.

• 1:07:40Andrew Santino?

  Now the new one's a hot shot.

• 1:07:41Speaker 07

  Oh god, I love him, but he's hard to, he's hard to get his hands on.

• 1:07:45Andrew Santino?

  I don't like him.

• 1:07:46Speaker 07

  Yeah, I can see it in your eyes. Yeah. Why would you?

• 1:07:50Andrew Santino?

  Well, he's my partner. He's my comedy partner.

• 1:07:52Speaker 07

  It's best to hate him. I think, I think, you know, conflict creates good comedy. So the fact that you hate his living guts, and every cell in his being.

• 1:08:01Andrew Santino?

  Yep.

• 1:08:02Speaker 07

  I think really is a good breeding ground. You're like a Petri dish of hate.

• 1:08:06Andrew Santino?

  Yes.

• 1:08:07Speaker 07

  For him, and it's great.

• 1:08:09Andrew Santino?

  And for other people.

• 1:08:10Speaker 07

  And I think it worked really great. Yeah, for me.

• 1:08:12Andrew Santino?

  No, I love you.

• 1:08:13Speaker 07

  Well, you hate me so much, you love me. You love to hate me.

• 1:08:17Andrew Santino?

  You pop-drinking, smudged-toothed, snarl-faced, pubed-faced, swollen, triple-chin, broken-neck, wobbling,

• 1:08:35Speaker 07

  Just fried.

• 1:08:36Andrew Santino?

  gray-beard, flathead.

• 1:08:38Speaker 07

  Yeah.

• 1:08:39Andrew Santino?

  Thanks for being on the show.

• 1:08:41Speaker 07

  Well, I'm not done.

• 1:08:42Andrew Santino?

  Oh, you're done, pal. You're done.

• 1:08:46Speaker 07

  Well, thanks for having me, guy.

• 1:08:49Andrew Santino?

  Go on.

• 1:08:52Speaker 07

  Yoohoo. Bye.

• 1:08:59Speaker 02

  In here, we pour whiskey, whiskey, whiskey, whiskey, whiskey.

• 1:09:05Speaker 03

  Oh, that creature in the ginger beard!

• 1:09:07Speaker 04

  Sturdy, ginger. Like, the ginger gene is a curse. Gingers are beautiful. You owe me five dollars for the whiskey, and seventy-five dollars for the horse. Gingers, oh hell no.

• 1:09:17Speaker 05

  This whiskey is excellent. Ginger. I like gingers.