Maddy Smith

It's Maddy's first time on the show and we hope it's not the last. She's hilarious. Maddy reminds Santino of his little sister and he's absolutely right. I can't even review what was talked about on the show in case YouTube reads this. Let's just say they were both Wild N Out! 🎤 Catch Maddy on tour now — dates at ⁠maddysmithcomedy.com⁠ 🔥 Subscribe for new Whiskey Ginger episodes every Friday 🎧 Full audio on Spotify, Apple & all podcast platforms 👕 Merch & tour: ⁠andrewsantino.com⁠ FOLLOW MADDY: Instagram: ⁠@somaddysmith⁠ TikTok: ⁠@somaddysmith⁠ Tour: ⁠maddysmithcomedy.com⁠ FOLLOW SANTINO: Instagram: ⁠@cheetosantino⁠ TikTok: ⁠@cheetosantino⁠#MaddySmith #WhiskeyGinger #AndrewSantino #WildNOut #StandUpComedy #ComedyPodcast #WomenInComedy #MaddySmithComedy #RoastBattle #comedianinterview ============================================================== Sponsor Whiskey Ginger: https://public.liveread.io/media-kit/whiskeyginger SUPPORT OUR SPONSORS SQUARESPACE GET 10% OFF YOUR ORDER https://squarespace.com/whiskey KICKOFF GET YOUR FIRST MONTH FOR $1 https://getkikoff.com/whiskey CHUBBIES PROMO CODE: WHISKEY FOR 20% OFF https://chubbiesshorts.com ======================================= Follow Andrew Santino: https://www.instagram.com/cheetosantino/ https://twitter.com/CheetoSantino Follow Whiskey Ginger: https://www.instagram.com/whiskeygingerpodcast https://twitter.com/whiskeygingerpodcast Produced and edited by Joe Faria https://www.instagram.com/itsjoefaria Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Speaker names marked ? are inferred from speaking time and the show’s known hosts — they are not voice-verified.

• 0:01Speaker 00

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• 0:30Speaker 01

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• 1:00Speaker 02

  In here, we pour whiskey. Whiskey, whiskey, whiskey, whiskey.

• 1:05Speaker 03

  Who's that creature in the ginger beard?

• 1:07Speaker 04

  It's dirty ginger.

• 1:09Speaker 03

  Like peppers, the ginger gene is a curse.

• 1:11Speaker 04

  Gingers are beautiful. You owe me $5 for the whiskey, $75 for the horse. Gingers, oh hell no. This whiskey is excellent. Ginger. I like gingers.

• 1:24Andrew Santino?

  Ladies and gentlemen, welcome back to Whiskey Ginger. My guest today is one of my favorite people on earth. I say that for all my guests, but I mean it once again today. It's Matty Smith.

• 1:30Speaker 06

  What's up, what's up? Thank you for having me.

• 1:33Andrew Santino?

  And you're sipping a hot coffee. It's 90 degrees. Mccone got you a coffee. It's 9-0.

• 1:36Speaker 06

  Yep. Gotta have a hot coffee in the morning.

• 1:38Andrew Santino?

  And from my Brits, that's about as hot as, you know, that's gotta be like, in Celsius, I mean, that's like 38 or something like that. 40, 42 or something like that.

• 1:48Speaker 06

  Maybe even up to 44.

• 1:49Andrew Santino?

  44, something like that. Quite hot, isn't it?

• 1:52Speaker 06

  Sweating.

• 1:52Andrew Santino?

  Sweating my balls off.

• 1:53Speaker 06

  Sweating my balls.

• 1:54Andrew Santino?

  I came out to LA sweating my fucking balls off.

• 1:57Speaker 06

  But, you know, it's nice because at night it gets a little bit chilly.

• 2:00Andrew Santino?

  Chili, little chilly.

• 2:02Speaker 06

  More like home.

• 2:03Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, more like home, more like overcast home.

• 2:05Speaker 06

  Home Manchester.

• 2:06Andrew Santino?

  Manchester. Everyone in the comments. That's not how we talk.

• 2:11Speaker 06

  Fuck you!

• 2:12Andrew Santino?

  Fucking hell, that's not how we sound.

• 2:13Speaker 06

  Fuck you, Santino!

• 2:17Andrew Santino?

  Dude, we, you know, they make fun of us, we're gonna make fun of you. And by the way, it's fucking July is here now. It's the 4th of July. Never forget. Never forget what we did to you Brits.

• 2:28Speaker 06

  Motherfuckers. Remember when we declared independence? Bye.

• 2:33Andrew Santino?

  Bitch.

• 2:33Speaker 06

  Bitch.

• 2:34Andrew Santino?

  No taxation without representation, or unless the government owns that ass and we still pay a lot of taxes. So we got it. We're getting fucked.

• 2:42Speaker 06

  We got, yeah. We got fucked, ultimately.

• 2:45Andrew Santino?

  Also, we're getting stu- this is really stupid. You live in Queens, I live in LA. Probably the two worst states to live in and perform out of, to travel from and pay money to, um, a state government that doesn't really care about you.

• 2:58Speaker 06

  Yeah. New York State and California.

• 3:00Andrew Santino?

  Hell yeah.

• 3:00Speaker 06

  The tax and the New York City tax.

• 3:02Andrew Santino?

  It's gross.

• 3:02Speaker 06

  New York City tax, insane.

• 3:04Andrew Santino?

  But they did that thing, right? They did the whole, because I was just driving in and out of the city last week and they they changed the, uh, the tolls to come in and out of Manhattan.

• 3:12Speaker 06

  Yep, the congestion pricing.

• 3:14Andrew Santino?

  But it went down, right? Wasn't that the whole deal?

• 3:15Speaker 06

  I don't think it went down.

• 3:17Andrew Santino?

  I thought they went down after they had already raised it.

• 3:20Speaker 06

  They were implementing it and then, like, the day before Governor Kathy Hochul was like, "We're, we're pulling it back."

• 3:27Andrew Santino?

  Shout out to Hoke Dog.

• 3:28Speaker 06

  She shut it down and then they put it back in. So it never went down.

• 3:32Andrew Santino?

  It never went down?

• 3:32Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 3:33Andrew Santino?

  It just fluctuated?

• 3:34Speaker 06

  It's always been nine dollars.

• 3:35Andrew Santino?

  Nine, nine dollars?

• 3:36Speaker 06

  In and out.

• 3:37Andrew Santino?

  But you do the subway every time to get to the city?

• 3:39Speaker 06

  Yeah, I don't have a car.

• 3:40Andrew Santino?

  Yeah.

• 3:40Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 3:41Andrew Santino?

  No Uber ever?

• 3:42Speaker 06

  Occasionally.

• 3:43Andrew Santino?

  When you're feeling, when you're, when you got a little bit of money coming in?

• 3:46Speaker 06

  Occasionally, as in like, three times a week?

• 3:47Andrew Santino?

  Okay, so all the time?

• 3:48Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 3:50Speaker 06

  I'm trying to be better, I'm trying to be better, just because of the difference in cost. Because the train is underground, it's so easy, it's 2.75 and then Uber is like 60 bucks.

• 3:57Andrew Santino?

  60 bucks each way?

• 3:58Speaker 06

  Hmm, yeah. It's kinda like LA, like 20 minute trip is gonna, minimum of 40. Forty, forty, sixty bucks.

• 4:05Speaker 07

  Forty pounds?

• 4:05Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 4:06Speaker 07

  It's more like 26 pounds, isn't it?

• 4:07Speaker 06

  26 pounds, right?

• 4:08Speaker 07

  Yeah, 26 great British pounds.

• 4:10Speaker 06

  And then a night is a hundred.

• 4:11Speaker 07

  Oh, it's even more expensive.

• 4:13Speaker 06

  Eighty, ninety.

• 4:13Speaker 07

  Depending on what zone you go in.

• 4:15Speaker 06

  Depending on the zones.

• 4:18Andrew Santino?

  And we're about to go back. I'm going to London where me and Bobby are playing London in Dublin. Never played Europe, you?

• 4:23Speaker 06

  Nope. I have only been to Amsterdam where I opened for Burt there.

• 4:28Andrew Santino?

  Oh, wow.

• 4:29Speaker 06

  But I never have done like a little Maddy Smith.

• 4:32Andrew Santino?

  A little Maddy Smith on the road.

• 4:33Speaker 06

  In Europe, yeah.

• 4:34Andrew Santino?

  Maddy Smith on the go.

• 4:34Speaker 06

  Sounds great. I'd love to. Hey, you guys. Bonjour.

• 4:38Andrew Santino?

  Bonjour.

• 4:39Speaker 06

  C'est moi, Mary Ila Fari.

• 4:40Andrew Santino?

  What's your, what's your, what's your, what's your fanbase mostly comprised of?

• 4:44Speaker 06

  It's, I would say it's a lot of girls my age, a lot of girls 30s, 40s, my age.

• 4:49Andrew Santino?

  30s, 40s girls.

• 4:50Speaker 06

  Yeah, 30s, 40s girls.

• 4:51Andrew Santino?

  You're barely 30 though. You're just kissing 30.

• 4:53Speaker 06

  Right, so it'll be like girls.

• 4:54Andrew Santino?

  No young girls though. Not 20s are not for you.

• 4:56Speaker 06

  No, I'll get those two. I'll get those two because when I was on, I guess on Wild 'n Out, like a lot of the, my Wild 'n Out stuff came out during Covid. So it'll be girls who are like, "We watched you in high school."

• 5:07Andrew Santino?

  It's crazy.

• 5:07Speaker 06

  So now they're like 22, 23.

• 5:09Andrew Santino?

  God, that's so wild.

• 5:10Speaker 06

  Then I get a lot of, a lot of black Hispanic, black and Hispanics. Yeah, sorry.

• 5:14Andrew Santino?

  Settle down. Thank you. Yeah, mouth it if you're gonna talk about them. Yeah. And don't say Hispanic because of...

• 5:20Speaker 06

  Latinx.

• 5:22Andrew Santino?

  No, no, no. Don't say anything.

• 5:24Speaker 06

  Because things are getting icy.

• 5:26Andrew Santino?

  Bum bum bum bum bum bum bum.

• 5:28Speaker 06

  Ice Cube is in the building. They fucking took down this mayoral candidate. They had ice in the...

• 5:33Andrew Santino?

  Get him out of here.

• 5:34Speaker 06

  Get him out.

• 5:35Andrew Santino?

  Get him out of here.

• 5:36Speaker 06

  Get him.

• 5:37Andrew Santino?

  Get him.

• 5:38Speaker 06

  Get him.

• 5:39Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, we work for ICE on our, this, I volunteer for ICE.

• 5:41Speaker 06

  Oh, you do?

• 5:42Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, you know, some people do volunteer firefighting. I'm doing volunteer icing.

• 5:46Speaker 06

  You get to hang out at the headquarters though and eat chili and stuff.

• 5:48Andrew Santino?

  Just kick it all day.

• 5:49Speaker 06

  The guys, yeah, get a call.

• 5:50Andrew Santino?

  It's kinda cool. We watch movies, lift weights.

• 5:52Speaker 06

  Lasso a Mexican, put him in a truck.

• 5:59Andrew Santino?

  Dude, I cannot wait to see, uh, La Revolución. Is that what it is? La Revolución? They're gonna burn the city to the ground.

• 6:08Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 6:08Andrew Santino?

  And I'll be here for it, dude.

• 6:09Speaker 06

  Are you gonna be at the front, Jean Valjean?

• 6:12Andrew Santino?

  Just waving a fucking...

• 6:13Speaker 06

  One day more.

• 6:15Andrew Santino?

  No, I'll be waving a "Don't tread on me" flag or whatever the fuck.

• 6:19Andrew Santino?

  The city's gone to shit. We're totally fucked. I said that last night at dinner with a friend. I was like, we're fucked. This place is, it's places burnt.

• 6:24Speaker 06

  It seems a little fucked. It seems like there's plague after plague.

• 6:27Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, but the protest, this, this whole shit downtown, it was, it was inflated by the media pretty bad.

• 6:31Speaker 06

  Yeah, because-

• 6:31Andrew Santino?

  Like, I was out of town and I was like, this is not that big. It's fucking bullshit.

• 6:34Speaker 06

  They showed on the news, the protesters look like little ants.

• 6:36Andrew Santino?

  Yeah.

• 6:37Speaker 06

  And then they got 5,000 National Guard.

• 6:38Andrew Santino?

  Yeah.

• 6:39Speaker 06

  I feel like the Black Lives Matters protests were huge.

• 6:42Andrew Santino?

  They were much bigger.

• 6:43Speaker 06

  Massive.

• 6:44Andrew Santino?

  I wasn't here for that either. As soon as any of that stuff happens, I get out of town.

• 6:47Speaker 06

  Where were you tweeting from your, from your bunker?

• 6:49Andrew Santino?

  My bunker, yeah.

• 6:49Speaker 06

  About how dangerous it was and how they're looting?

• 6:51Andrew Santino?

  Montana.

• 6:52Speaker 06

  They're looting.

• 6:53Andrew Santino?

  What are they doing out there?

• 6:54Speaker 06

  They're looting. Why do they have to protest violently?

• 6:56Andrew Santino?

  Don't burn a Starbucks. I was in my bunker. I was in my bunka.

• 7:00Speaker 06

  In the bunka?

• 7:01Andrew Santino?

  I was in me bunka.

• 7:02Speaker 06

  I was in me bunka.

• 7:03Andrew Santino?

  It is funny, I do get out of town every time some bullshit goes down in LA. I'm like, I'm out. Fuck this. I do, I end, I'm either on the road or I'm back home in Chicago. Or I just haven't been here. Like, I, I just, I'm lucky I'm, I'm gone every time. I think I can feel it. My sixth sense kicks in.

• 7:17Speaker 06

  Yeah, you know.

• 7:18Andrew Santino?

  You know how like, girls can cycle at the same time and stuff?

• 7:20Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 7:20Andrew Santino?

  I think I feel that. When, when, when there's violence, I know I need to leave.

• 7:24Speaker 06

  You're synced up with the-

• 7:25Andrew Santino?

  I'm synced with violence.

• 7:26Speaker 06

  With the upheaval and the chaos.

• 7:30Andrew Santino?

  What?

• 7:31Speaker 08

  They say there's 200,000 people protesting on No King's Day.

• 7:35Andrew Santino?

  Here in LA?

• 7:36Speaker 08

  Here in LA.

• 7:36Speaker 06

  2,000?

• 7:37Speaker 08

  200,000.

• 7:37Speaker 06

  Oh, I thought you said 2,000. 200K?

• 7:40Andrew Santino?

  Based on what, though? Who says that?

• 7:42Speaker 08

  Fox News.

• 7:44Andrew Santino?

  Oh, Fox News said that? So you know that's fucking not true?

• 7:46Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 7:46Andrew Santino?

  By the way, CNN would say 800,000.

• 7:49Speaker 06

  Right.

• 7:49Andrew Santino?

  This is all fucking bullshit.

• 7:50Speaker 06

  200K is crazy.

• 7:51Andrew Santino?

  They put their own spin on every, I don't believe any of it.

• 7:54Speaker 08

  But also, that Sunday did have the biggest turnout. Like, throughout the week, during the ice raids, there was a lot less people, but during the Sunday, when people were like, out and about, that was like, the big day.

• 8:03Andrew Santino?

  The ice raids. It just, I, I hate to say this, it sounds so cool. I know, it's, just the word "ice raid" sounds incredible, dude. Yes, what's up with the ice raids?

• 8:12Speaker 06

  Ice pick.

• 8:13Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, what's up Spokane with the ice raids?

• 8:15Speaker 06

  What's up?

• 8:23Andrew Santino?

  Give it up for the ice raids! And featuring DJ Marshmello. He's like, spinning his fucking head.

• 8:31Andrew Santino?

  I saw that guy in an interview and he was like showing all the original heads that he wore. And it is really funny to me to think like, yeah, kudos for that guy, like whatever, do your thing, like that's great that you may have. But it is really sad that like he has to, you know. I said this to Bert, in the same way that Bert one, you know, has said to me privately, publicly now, whatever, he's talking about it. One time he's in the green room and he was like. I just don't feel like taking off my shirt tonight.

• 8:57Andrew Santino?

  I was like, buddy, but you got it dude.

• 8:58Speaker 06

  That's so funny.

• 8:59Andrew Santino?

  But I feel like you know this Marshmello one night, it's like, I don't want to put on the fucking.

• 9:03Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 9:03Andrew Santino?

  I don't want to put on the helmet.

• 9:04Speaker 06

  Daff Punk, how do you think they feel?

• 9:06Andrew Santino?

  Well, I think they need to hide.

• 9:08Speaker 06

  Why?

• 9:08Andrew Santino?

  Have you seen their faces?

• 9:09Speaker 06

  Are they ugly? Really?

• 9:11Andrew Santino?

  Made for the radio, my guy.

• 9:12Speaker 06

  Got it.

• 9:12Andrew Santino?

  I've never, I have no idea what they look like, I have no idea, I have no idea. Show me Daff Punked. Show me Daff Punked!

• 9:18Speaker 06

  Show me Daff Punk.

• 9:19Andrew Santino?

  But I do think. That was deliberate, Daff Punk did not, it was like the gorillas.

• 9:24Speaker 06

  Right.

• 9:24Andrew Santino?

  Like they're like, eh.

• 9:25Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 9:26Andrew Santino?

  We don't want the thing. But Marshmello is a DJ, who's a solo DJ.

• 9:30Speaker 06

  Right.

• 9:31Andrew Santino?

  You know solo DJs love this thing.

• 9:33Speaker 06

  Oh, absolutely.

• 9:34Andrew Santino?

  They love like the pussy and the thing and the.

• 9:37Speaker 08

  This is a really old. This is a really old picture, they're, they're really good at hiding their identities.

• 9:42Speaker 06

  Wow.

• 9:43Speaker 08

  Picture's even speculated.

• 9:44Speaker 06

  I've probably passed them on the street before.

• 9:45Andrew Santino?

  That's not even them.

• 9:46Speaker 08

  It's what it says, it might not be.

• 9:48Andrew Santino?

  Good for those guys.

• 9:49Speaker 06

  Yeah, we don't know.

• 9:50Andrew Santino?

  What about, well, yeah, what comic in a bag, what was his name, comic in a brown bag, whatever the fuck, the comic in a bag, who was that? What's his, that guy's name, comic, not comic in a bag, this is before our time. There was a comedian who used to wear like a brown bag, paper bag on his fucking head.

• 10:02Speaker 08

  The unknown comic.

• 10:03Andrew Santino?

  The unknown comic.

• 10:04Speaker 06

  Wow.

• 10:05Andrew Santino?

  Could you imagine being that guy? We should be able to hide our identity on stage, it'd be much fun, you'd say more shit, say more wild ass shit.

• 10:11Speaker 06

  Yeah, agreed, and, I don't know, I kind of, I get nervous on stage sometimes, you get nervous?

• 10:15Andrew Santino?

  No, well, what if something you say?

• 10:17Speaker 06

  I don't know, I get like. I get nervous in lately, I don't know why, on like showcase club shows. In New York and like last night I was at the store, I was like, I'm not nervous.

• 10:27Andrew Santino?

  Out here?

• 10:27Speaker 06

  Really nervous, yeah.

• 10:28Andrew Santino?

  Wait, you got nervous at the store?

• 10:29Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 10:29Andrew Santino?

  No, you sure, you shouldn't be, it's not the same anymore, it shouldn't be.

• 10:32Speaker 06

  Right, well, what do you mean, like people watching and stuff like that, or, I don't know why I get like.

• 10:36Andrew Santino?

  There's no threat anymore, like it used to be, I used to like that it was scary. Like when I was younger and I used to go. Out to New York, I, I like was nervous about, like, oh dude, you gotta, I gotta, you better fucking kill.

• 10:47Speaker 06

  Yeah, like I feel like when I first got in at the Cellar, it was like the lineups were insane. And I was like, you have to murder.

• 10:53Andrew Santino?

  Different story.

• 10:54Speaker 06

  You have to murder. So it's, I don't know. I think everyone's on the road. I think everyone's, everyone's on the road.

• 11:00Andrew Santino?

  I think it's just different. The same way that you guys make fun of, every fucking New Yorker makes fun of LA lineups. I'm always like, oh, look at the fucking New York lineup.

• 11:05Speaker 06

  Oh, yeah.

• 11:06Andrew Santino?

  No, you know what it is? I think everybody's getting let, I think it's just a new generation of comics being let in, and that's the world of comedy, and that's how it goes, and blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, but like, and I'm not shitting on anyone that's on those lineups, nor here, but when everybody thinks it's gonna be like A-list fucking comics, veterans on every lineup, you're like, half of those people aren't fucking getting up as much anymore because they are tired.

• 11:28Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 11:29Andrew Santino?

  And then the other half are gone. If they are gonna go make money, they're gonna go on the road and make money for their fucking family.

• 11:33Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 11:33Andrew Santino?

  Because they have seven kids.

• 11:34Speaker 06

  Seven kids.

• 11:35Andrew Santino?

  You know?

• 11:36Speaker 06

  Seven kids.

• 11:36Andrew Santino?

  Because they're gaffiganing, you know?

• 11:37Speaker 06

  Right.

• 11:38Andrew Santino?

  I don't, I think he's got like, I think he does have seven or eight kids, right?

• 11:40Speaker 06

  About five or something.

• 11:41Andrew Santino?

  Oh, it is five? It's less than I thought.

• 11:42Speaker 06

  In like one East Village apartment.

• 11:44Andrew Santino?

  I know, I think that's fascinating they do that. Why?

• 11:47Speaker 06

  I don't know.

• 11:47Andrew Santino?

  You ever gonna be a mommy or no chance?

• 11:49Speaker 06

  I'll be a mommy, but not in the city, I don't think.

• 11:51Andrew Santino?

  Where would you go?

• 11:52Speaker 06

  Unless I come into five billion dollars.

• 11:54Andrew Santino?

  Well, you're in luck. McCone, give her the money.

• 11:56Speaker 06

  Let's go!

• 11:57Andrew Santino?

  That was part of the deal.

• 11:58Speaker 06

  Lucky winner!

• 11:58Andrew Santino?

  That was part of the deal. You show up, you What'd you, did you?

• 12:02Speaker 08

  I almost spilled my coffee.

• 12:03Andrew Santino?

  Jesus.

• 12:04Speaker 06

  I would be a mommy, but I feel like both not having kids and having kids sounds amazing.

• 12:10Andrew Santino?

  It's a constant dilemma.

• 12:11Speaker 06

  What do you think?

• 12:12Andrew Santino?

  I can't, we can't have kids.

• 12:13Speaker 06

  Okay, so problem, so then it's

• 12:15Andrew Santino?

  Yeah.

• 12:16Speaker 06

  solved for you.

• 12:17Andrew Santino?

  It is.

• 12:17Speaker 06

  That's kind of a freeing.

• 12:18Andrew Santino?

  God said you're done.

• 12:19Speaker 06

  Right.

• 12:19Andrew Santino?

  God said, get off.

• 12:20Speaker 06

  We don't want any more of you.

• 12:21Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, I agree. Trust me, fucking

• 12:23Speaker 06

  Disgusting.

• 12:24Andrew Santino?

  Every time I come, I always go, oh, please, this is, I don't really want this to work out. I don't need more of me. Yeah, we tried to have kids, we couldn't have kids, so I think it was like self, it was decided, but also then people are like, oh, why don't you why don't you adopt a kid and everything?

• 12:40Speaker 06

  No.

• 12:41Andrew Santino?

  It's like I don't want someone else's trash.

• 12:43Speaker 06

  I don't want someone else's trash.

• 12:44Andrew Santino?

  No, I'm kidding, I'm kidding. Take it back. Take it back. No, I just don't, that's a, that's a whole thing.

• 12:49Speaker 06

  It's a whole thing.

• 12:50Andrew Santino?

  So I don't know. But I've missed my boat now. Now that I'm in my young 40s, I feel like I'm pretty good.

• 12:55Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 12:56Andrew Santino?

  I feel like I'm s- but I did have the 30's dilemma of like, what do we do? What could we do? What should we do?

• 13:00Speaker 06

  Yes, what should we do? What is my life gonna look like? I have the paranoia of like, if I don't have kids, it feels fine now. It feels like a cool decision now. But I'm like 46, I'm like,

• 13:10Andrew Santino?

  Ah, who cares?

• 13:11Speaker 06

  I'm a com- I'm a woman comedian!

• 13:13Andrew Santino?

  Yeah.

• 13:13Speaker 06

  You know?

• 13:14Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, I know, I understand.

• 13:15Speaker 06

  Right, right now it seems awesome, but then in my, I'm 50.

• 13:18Andrew Santino?

  Name other 46-year-old women comedians that you're referencing. Go ahead.

• 13:21Speaker 06

  I'm not saying that! But you can picture five names right now!

• 13:25Andrew Santino?

  I see them.

• 13:25Speaker 06

  Okay?

• 13:26Andrew Santino?

  Ding ding ding ding ding. Yeah, I do see them.

• 13:28Speaker 06

  It gets less, I feel like for women, it's like, right now I'm like, hee hee ha ha young.

• 13:32Andrew Santino?

  No, but it's, I, I understand, yeah, there's, the stigma is way different for older female comedians than it is for older male comedians. But, on, on the contrary, older male comedians who are like consummate bachelors, who don't have kids, or don't, aren't in any sort of relationships, there's also like a, well, that's not cool anymore.

• 13:48Speaker 06

  It's dark.

• 13:48Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, that's what I mean. So it's, it's the same, it's just a different version of dark.

• 13:52Speaker 06

  Yeah, I think it's, agreed. I think I'd rather be like a, a woman with no kids who people think is like a fucking bitch, but actually not, than like a guy-

• 14:02Andrew Santino?

  Nobody thinks you're a bitch.

• 14:03Speaker 06

  I know, what am I talking about?

• 14:04Andrew Santino?

  Yeah.

• 14:05Speaker 06

  But when I'm, when I'm, you know-

• 14:06Andrew Santino?

  When you're there?

• 14:06Speaker 06

  15 years from now.

• 14:07Andrew Santino?

  You might be a bitch.

• 14:08Speaker 06

  Like-

• 14:09Andrew Santino?

  You might be a, a mean little bitch.

• 14:10Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 14:11Andrew Santino?

  Where would you end up going though? Where's mom and dad? Where's family?

• 14:13Speaker 06

  I'm from upstate, I'm from Buffalo.

• 14:14Andrew Santino?

  Ugh, yuck.

• 14:15Speaker 06

  So they live, I know, I'm not going up there.

• 14:17Andrew Santino?

  No, it's gross.

• 14:17Speaker 06

  I'd probably do the Jersey move. Or move out here!

• 14:20Andrew Santino?

  No, no, no, don't come out here. No, I'm promised, don't. It's not worth it. Tell her it's not worth it. Yeah, it's not worth it. No, I, I say Jersey's great, stay close to family.

• 14:28Speaker 06

  Yeah. I mean, they're like, they're upstate and fucking, uh, yeah.

• 14:34Andrew Santino?

  You don't feel like Buffalo to me.

• 14:36Speaker 06

  Really?

• 14:36Andrew Santino?

  You feel like Midwest. I mean, Buffalo is kind of the Midwest. I do hear it when I go over there, they sound like us a little bit.

• 14:42Speaker 06

  Flat.

• 14:42Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, flat.

• 14:43Speaker 06

  Flat accents.

• 14:44Andrew Santino?

  Accent, yeah, it's kinda like-

• 14:45Speaker 06

  Snow plowing, right? Yeah, Chicago vibes.

• 14:47Andrew Santino?

  It is close to us in a weird way.

• 14:48Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 14:48Andrew Santino?

  So you look like a family member of mine.

• 14:51Speaker 06

  Yes.

• 14:51Andrew Santino?

  But Buffalo people are interesting people.

• 14:53Speaker 06

  Where like, I think, those alcoholics.

• 14:57Andrew Santino?

  Hmm.

• 14:57Speaker 06

  Faux show.

• 14:58Andrew Santino?

  Hmm, that's us.

• 14:58Speaker 06

  Binge drinking, yeah.

• 14:59Andrew Santino?

  That's us, Chicago, that's us.

• 15:00Speaker 06

  Turn up. And cold, snow, pride.

• 15:04Andrew Santino?

  Same.

• 15:04Speaker 06

  Pride, football.

• 15:05Andrew Santino?

  Same.

• 15:06Speaker 06

  Football.

• 15:06Andrew Santino?

  Football.

• 15:07Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 15:07Andrew Santino?

  Same.

• 15:07Speaker 06

  Wings.

• 15:08Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, I guess, yeah, you guys are Midwest. And the wing thing.

• 15:10Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 15:13Andrew Santino?

  Let's cut it out. That's enough of this shit. It's the same way I feel about anything these days.

• 15:18Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 15:18Andrew Santino?

  It's a global econ- it's a global economy.

• 15:20Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 15:21Andrew Santino?

  I can get whatever I want all the time.

• 15:22Speaker 06

  Absolutely.

• 15:23Andrew Santino?

  The pizza's better than, cut it out.

• 15:24Speaker 06

  Don't care.

• 15:25Andrew Santino?

  Just cut it out.

• 15:25Speaker 06

  I don't give a fuck.

• 15:26Andrew Santino?

  It's pizza, shut up.

• 15:27Speaker 06

  It's pizza, shut the fuck up.

• 15:27Andrew Santino?

  Shut the fuck up.

• 15:28Speaker 06

  I will eat Domino's.

• 15:30Andrew Santino?

  By the way, had Domino's. Haven't had it in years, had it recently. Fantastic.

• 15:35Speaker 06

  Great.

• 15:36Andrew Santino?

  It's fantastic.

• 15:37Speaker 06

  It's good.

• 15:37Andrew Santino?

  Cut it out.

• 15:38Speaker 06

  It's got a nice-

• 15:38Andrew Santino?

  We need to stop this nonsense.

• 15:39Speaker 06

  I know. Oh, oh trash, trash.

• 15:42Andrew Santino?

  Fuck you.

• 15:42Speaker 06

  Domino's is trash.

• 15:43Andrew Santino?

  Get fucked.

• 15:44Speaker 06

  Thin, thin slice, that, that, fuck you, it's pizza.

• 15:46Andrew Santino?

  It's pizza, bitch.

• 15:47Speaker 06

  Fuck you, it's pizza.

• 15:47Andrew Santino?

  That's just cheese and bread. Get fucked.

• 15:49Speaker 06

  Yep.

• 15:49Andrew Santino?

  Get absolutely fucked. And also, by the way, the new trend of smash burgers? Kick fucking rocks.

• 15:53Speaker 06

  Suck my dick.

• 15:54Andrew Santino?

  I'm so tired of this shit, dude, there's a- They just opened one here in our neighborhood, they opened up another one. And I was like, there's six on the fucking avenue. There's six.

• 16:02Speaker 06

  Smash, smash, smash.

• 16:02Andrew Santino?

  No one needs them. Just give me a regular fucking burger.

• 16:05Speaker 06

  Place by me just opened, Emoji Burger. Suck my dick. I'm not doing it anymore.

• 16:12Speaker 06

  You know what I love, when a, when a place takes their vowels out? So like, that steakhouse, that's S T K.

• 16:17Andrew Santino?

  S T K, yeah.

• 16:18Speaker 06

  Steak. Or there's that, uh, dispensary near the store, Urban Leaf.

• 16:21Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, R N L F.

• 16:22Speaker 06

  Urban Leaf.

• 16:22Andrew Santino?

  R N L F.

• 16:23Speaker 06

  Love those. Grindr.

• 16:24Andrew Santino?

  Grindr. There's one right here, there's a new one, what's the steakhouse at Bob- Boulevard, it's B L V D.

• 16:29Speaker 06

  Boulevard, boulevard, boulevard. Welcome to, how can I help you?

• 16:33Andrew Santino?

  Hi, welcome to- What if they had to say it?

• 16:35Speaker 06

  How can I help you? Table for two?

• 16:38Andrew Santino?

  Some like cute, young, you know, like 22-year-old, fresh out of college, is like-

• 16:41Speaker 06

  Hi, uh, welcome to-

• 16:45Speaker 06

  Have you ever eaten with us here at- We do things a little bit differently.

• 16:49Andrew Santino?

  We do things a little bit differently.

• 16:51Speaker 06

  And you will have the small plates and it's a- A specialty.

• 16:56Andrew Santino?

  I had fun with you when we, uh, we did shows for the first time together in, uh, Las Vegas, Nevada.

• 17:01Speaker 06

  I can't believe that was two years ago.

• 17:02Andrew Santino?

  God, was it really? I thought it was a year ago.

• 17:04Speaker 06

  This post-COVID time is really-

• 17:06Andrew Santino?

  It fucks me up.

• 17:06Speaker 06

  Really screwing me up, yeah.

• 17:08Andrew Santino?

  That was a fun little run, man.

• 17:09Speaker 06

  That was fun, yeah.

• 17:09Andrew Santino?

  It was really cool, Vegas was cool.

• 17:11Speaker 06

  Fully loaded, bit hot.

• 17:12Andrew Santino?

  Boise.

• 17:12Speaker 06

  Hot.

• 17:13Andrew Santino?

  So hot.

• 17:13Speaker 06

  Remember that pool on the rooftop, steaming?

• 17:15Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, I was really, I just didn't want to be there.

• 17:17Speaker 06

  Yeah, it was hot.

• 17:18Andrew Santino?

  And I, I love Leanne and Burton, so I was like, I'm just gonna stay, but I was like, this is way too fucking hot.

• 17:22Speaker 06

  It was hot, and we're pale, we're the same.

• 17:24Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, we, I don't wanna, I don't need it.

• 17:25Speaker 06

  I get really stressed in that sort of sun.

• 17:27Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, 'cause you start to think, you're like, how am I gonna handle this burn?

• 17:30Speaker 06

  Yeah, how am I gonna handle this burn, I'm aging rapidly.

• 17:32Andrew Santino?

  Right.

• 17:33Speaker 06

  As I talk to you, I'm aging rapidly. I'm gonna pay for this.

• 17:36Andrew Santino?

  You will.

• 17:36Speaker 06

  When I'm a 47 cunt.

• 17:38Andrew Santino?

  When you're an old, motherless cunt.

• 17:41Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 17:42Andrew Santino?

  Childless cunt, sorry. You have a mother.

• 17:43Speaker 06

  I have a mother, yeah.

• 17:44Andrew Santino?

  Are your parents married still?

• 17:46Speaker 06

  No, they're divorced.

• 17:47Andrew Santino?

  Hell, yeah.

• 17:47Speaker 06

  Yeah, they split when I was 13.

• 17:48Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, you're like us. Yeah, you are like the Midwest.

• 17:51Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 17:51Andrew Santino?

  Are they Catholic?

• 17:52Speaker 06

  Yeah, we were raised Catholic.

• 17:53Andrew Santino?

  Irish Catholic?

• 17:54Speaker 06

  Mm-hmm.

• 17:54Andrew Santino?

  You stopped going to church when you were what?

• 17:56Speaker 06

  I got confirmed and then I just stopped.

• 17:58Andrew Santino?

  Right, right, pretty fast.

• 18:00Speaker 06

  You like, when you drive yourself to your confirmation, your parents are like, "We don't care what you do after this."

• 18:04Andrew Santino?

  You're like, "Yeah, I'm done."

• 18:06Speaker 06

  I'm done.

• 18:06Andrew Santino?

  I did a few nice things. I did Habitat for Humanity with my church after I stopped going.

• 18:10Speaker 06

  Cute.

• 18:11Andrew Santino?

  Cause my dad was like, "It would mean a lot to me." And I was like, "You know, I think that's rad."

• 18:14Speaker 06

  Okay.

• 18:15Andrew Santino?

  I'll go help build houses for poor people.

• 18:16Speaker 06

  What was, what church do your parents go to?

• 18:19Andrew Santino?

  They're Pres- they're Presbyterian.

• 18:21Speaker 06

  Really?

• 18:21Andrew Santino?

  We couldn't be Catholic. My mom got a divorce.

• 18:23Speaker 06

  Really?

• 18:24Andrew Santino?

  Yeah.

• 18:25Speaker 06

  Like, what do you mean, though? They're all getting divorced, like...

• 18:28Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, but, but, but my grandmother was a real wag the finger. She was so angry at my mom for getting divorced.

• 18:35Speaker 06

  I know, my grandma...

• 18:36Andrew Santino?

  My dad went to jail.

• 18:36Speaker 06

  My grandma wouldn't watch Emerald, cause he got, he got divorced.

• 18:39Andrew Santino?

  Really? That's so fucked up.

• 18:41Speaker 06

  And then my dad got divorced and she was like, "We always loved Michael."

• 18:45Andrew Santino?

  That's so mean.

• 18:46Speaker 06

  I know.

• 18:46Andrew Santino?

  Sides with him, not Emerald.

• 18:48Speaker 06

  Yes.

• 18:49Andrew Santino?

  And what's wrong? Emerald Lagasse, he's gotta get a divorce once in a while.

• 18:51Speaker 06

  I know, right? And his wives are probably trying to take over his income from his products.

• 18:56Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, he's got a lot of products.

• 18:57Speaker 06

  Lot of products.

• 18:58Andrew Santino?

  By the way, speaking of the chef world, I know this is kinda crazy to bring up. I said this to him this morning. Last night, this episode will have long aired, last night, Chef Anne Burrell died.

• 19:06Speaker 06

  I know.

• 19:07Andrew Santino?

  Weird.

• 19:08Speaker 06

  What's that about?

• 19:08Andrew Santino?

  I don't know, it was very weird.

• 19:09Speaker 06

  She was like 51.

• 19:09Andrew Santino?

  55.

• 19:10Speaker 06

  How does she know?

• 19:11Andrew Santino?

  I don't know, but I looked it up this morning. You know they're not, we're not gonna find out for a week or two. When this episode's out, well, people, the world will have known. But we can speculate. I don't know. It was very weird, very young.

• 19:19Speaker 06

  Very young, and then it makes me think, "Wah!"

• 19:22Andrew Santino?

  Oh, something, someone did something bad. Yeah, I think about that.

• 19:25Speaker 06

  It says like she died in her home.

• 19:27Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, whenever people die in their home, when they're young, you're like,

• 19:29Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 19:30Andrew Santino?

  "Somebody killed them."

• 19:30Speaker 06

  You killed yourself.

• 19:31Andrew Santino?

  Or you killed some-

• 19:32Speaker 06

  Oh, you killed, I was thinking you killed yourself.

• 19:33Andrew Santino?

  No, either way. Either way.

• 19:35Speaker 06

  Kate Spade. Kill yourself.

• 19:37Andrew Santino?

  She's tough. You could never.

• 19:40Speaker 06

  Kill myself?

• 19:41Andrew Santino?

  If you were gonna do it, how would you do it?

• 19:42Speaker 06

  Uh, shotgun to the head.

• 19:43Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, you've thought about it.

• 19:44Speaker 06

  Shotgun to the head.

• 19:45Andrew Santino?

  We've all thought about it.

• 19:46Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 19:46Andrew Santino?

  I'm jumping off the tallest building.

• 19:47Speaker 06

  Okay, jumping.

• 19:48Andrew Santino?

  I want that last feeling.

• 19:49Speaker 06

  Yeah. Jumping off a building would be cool.

• 19:51Andrew Santino?

  I would do it at s- I would do it at an hour when I'm not of a threat to anybody else.

• 19:56Speaker 06

  Yeah, like 2 AM or something.

• 19:57Andrew Santino?

  Call the paramedics, go, "Hey dude, you guys gotta be on this corner, bout to do it." Just for the click queen, uh, the quick cleanup. I don't wanna interrupt somebody's afternoon or morning.

• 20:06Speaker 06

  Yeah, because then you, you're traumatizing people. Then it's the butterfly effect.

• 20:09Andrew Santino?

  You don't need to do that.

• 20:10Speaker 06

  Then someone sees your gobbledygook on the sidewalk.

• 20:12Andrew Santino?

  Some kid just licking ice cream.

• 20:13Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 20:14Andrew Santino?

  Boom, he doesn't even see that.

• 20:15Speaker 06

  Core memory for him.

• 20:16Andrew Santino?

  Right. Just, just let it be 3:34 in the morning. You know? Call them, let them know, "Hey, clean this up."

• 20:23Speaker 06

  That's easy, yeah.

• 20:24Andrew Santino?

  I feel like that's the jump, because then you get one last, like...

• 20:26Speaker 06

  And then you traumatize the medics.

• 20:28Andrew Santino?

  No, they see it every day.

• 20:29Speaker 06

  Mm-hmm.

• 20:29Andrew Santino?

  They see it all the time. You talk, you ever talk to these people, the stuff that they see?

• 20:32Speaker 06

  Yeah, they see a lot of stuff, yeah.

• 20:34Andrew Santino?

  Unbearable.

• 20:34Speaker 06

  I know.

• 20:35Andrew Santino?

  It's, I mean, it's just constant for them.

• 20:37Speaker 06

  There was like one day during COVID, I was like, "Maybe I'll be in EMT." Hilarious.

• 20:41Andrew Santino?

  The fuck you will.

• 20:41Speaker 06

  Hilarious.

• 20:42Andrew Santino?

  Just cracking jokes.

• 20:43Speaker 06

  Yeah, literally. Cause I watched Nurse Jackie, I was like, "I wanna do this." "I wanna be in this world." "I wanna be in this world, I wanna be on opioids in the back, fucking the pharmacist for my pills."

• 20:52Andrew Santino?

  What a good show.

• 20:53Speaker 06

  So good.

• 20:54Andrew Santino?

  Edie Falco? Edie Falco, once again, with a banger. Can you imagine that woman's fucking career, how brilliant?

• 21:00Speaker 06

  So good.

• 21:01Andrew Santino?

  You went from the greatest, and I'm gonna say it, the greatest television show of all time. The greatest. Is there an argument that Sopranos is the greatest fucking show of all time?

• 21:10Speaker 06

  I mean, Girls was pretty good.

• 21:13Andrew Santino?

  You're right, dude.

• 21:14Speaker 06

  You know?

• 21:15Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, you're right, now that I think about it, Girls was pretty parallel to, yeah, to, to Sopranos, yeah.

• 21:19Speaker 06

  The length of episodes.

• 21:21Andrew Santino?

  Totally. I take it all back.

• 21:22Speaker 06

  Sopranos, I would say probably number one, right? Breaking Bad.

• 21:25Andrew Santino?

  Breaking Bad is right there, but Sopranos is clearly number one, too.

• 21:27Speaker 06

  The Wire.

• 21:28Andrew Santino?

  The Wire's good, but it's not the same.

• 21:30Speaker 06

  And if you try to watch The Wire now, they're typing on like, computers from fucking 97.

• 21:34Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, and The Wire also hurts your feelings a lot. Like The Wire is a sad fucking shit.

• 21:38Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 21:39Andrew Santino?

  It's a tragic show. Well, all those shows are sad. No, but Sopranos is beautiful sad.

• 21:41Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 21:42Andrew Santino?

  Because it gives you kind of a great perspective on... Look dude, Sopranos, much like Scarface. I remember in high school when you go over to somebody's house... Well, I'm older than both of you guys. But they would always have Scarface posters. Like the guy that I would go over to his house to smoke weed with always had a Scarface poster.

• 21:55Speaker 06

  Always. Scarface, Boondock Saints, Pulp Fiction.

• 21:57Andrew Santino?

  Boondock Saints. And I'd be like, "Bro, you love Scarface, right?" And they're like, "Yeah." Guy was...

• 22:00Speaker 06

  It's so cool.

• 22:01Andrew Santino?

  Movie was the shit. And you're like, "You do know the... It's a life lesson film, right? It's teaching you that this is...

• 22:06Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 22:06Andrew Santino?

  Clearly the wrong way to live."

• 22:07Speaker 06

  Yeah, it's tragic.

• 22:08Andrew Santino?

  Like every gangster's like, "Scarface, bro." You're like, "It's the worst story ever." Yeah, you know how it ended, right?

• 22:12Speaker 06

  Did you miss it? Or you just... What? You've watched the first half?

• 22:14Andrew Santino?

  They glorified... The beauty of Scarface, they glorify, and it is memed now for life. Like, "Say hello to my little friend." That's like, in people's mind, like a hero moment.

• 22:24Speaker 06

  Exactly.

• 22:25Andrew Santino?

  Isn't that crazy?

• 22:25Speaker 06

  I know, when I watched it, I was like, "This is fucking sad."

• 22:27Andrew Santino?

  Saddest shit in the world. You're getting lit up.

• 22:29Speaker 06

  It's like, uh, just a drug version of Barry Lyndon.

• 22:32Andrew Santino?

  It is.

• 22:33Speaker 06

  You know?

• 22:33Andrew Santino?

  It is drug Barry Lyndon.

• 22:34Speaker 06

  It's sad. Yeah, it's very sad. Dark, lonely.

• 22:36Andrew Santino?

  Sopranos did the same thing, but they did it in a way where it was like, "This is not the life anybody should want." That's why I think they put him through so much trauma.

• 22:43Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 22:44Andrew Santino?

  Because they're like, "We're not glorifying..." He is cool. You root for him.

• 22:47Speaker 06

  Yeah, he's cool, but you're like, "I don't want to be him."

• 22:48Andrew Santino?

  He's the anti-hero.

• 22:49Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 22:49Andrew Santino?

  He's kind of like this, like, "It's sad." You're like, "Fuck, dude." He's living a tragically beautiful life. It's awful.

• 22:55Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 22:56Andrew Santino?

  You're watching him fall apart in front of your face.

• 22:57Speaker 06

  Yeah, in front of your face. And you get to watch him go to therapy.

• 23:00Andrew Santino?

  And did you get that in Girls?

• 23:02Speaker 06

  Yeah. Because Hannah Horvath is falling apart every minute. Every character.

• 23:07Andrew Santino?

  And what's redeemable about the characters in Girls?

• 23:09Speaker 06

  What's redeemable, um, is that they are just like us.

• 23:16Andrew Santino?

  Four rich white girls in New York. Four rich white girls in New York. It's never been done, other than many times before.

• 23:27Andrew Santino?

  That was my initial instinct when I heard about that show, and people were like...

• 23:31Andrew Santino?

  Removing... Removing from the idea that a critic would be like, "That sex is just a..." But Four Rich White Girls in New York is so uninteresting to me, it's unbelievable.

• 23:39Speaker 06

  Real... I wa... I...

• 23:41Andrew Santino?

  You loved it.

• 23:42Speaker 06

  But I'm a white... I'm a white girl.

• 23:43Andrew Santino?

  You were white.

• 23:43Speaker 06

  So that's what, like, you... I... Guys like war stuff, because men are in war.

• 23:47Andrew Santino?

  We did that, yeah.

• 23:48Speaker 06

  Women aren't in war. Otherwise, I would watch it.

• 23:50Andrew Santino?

  You should be. You want equal rights?

• 23:52Speaker 06

  If I tried to go to war, they would laugh.

• 23:54Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, Maddie, get out of here. Cut it out.

• 23:55Speaker 06

  That's why it's awesome.

• 23:56Andrew Santino?

  Just fucking the gun, just goofing around.

• 24:01Andrew Santino?

  I can see you fucking around. They're like, Matty, stop playing with the-

• 24:03Speaker 06

  Can you stop?

• 24:04Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, pulling out the pin. Oh, alright.

• 24:08Speaker 06

  I got your gun. Oops, I got your gun.

• 24:12Speaker 02

  In here, we pour whiskey.

• 24:14Andrew Santino?

  This episode of Whiskey Junior is brought to you by Squarespace. Squarespace is the place. Whether you're trying to create your own website, you're trying to sell a product, trying to promote yourself, Squarespace is incredible, okay, man? They've been helping me out for a long, long time, and they offer so many different services, including cutting-edge design. If you're creating a new site, man, you used to have to build it yourself, back in the good old days. Not anymore. They got great SEO tools, so you get discovered fast, discovered more often, which is huge. You can put videos up there. They also have a donation site, and they have email campaigns, which we love. As comics, I know where my listeners and viewers are coming from. You can sell content, blogs, courses, videos, whatever you need.

• 24:56Andrew Santino?

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• 25:39Andrew Santino?

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• 27:03Andrew Santino?

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• 28:30Speaker 06

  Yeah, war is too serious. I saw that movie Warfare? Warfare?

• 28:35Andrew Santino?

  I don't know.

• 28:35Speaker 06

  Came out recently.

• 28:36Andrew Santino?

  Mission Impossible?

• 28:37Speaker 08

  The new Alex Garland one?

• 28:39Speaker 06

  Yes, right? It's like a...

• 28:41Andrew Santino?

  It's called Warfare?

• 28:42Speaker 06

  He's in, they're in Iraq and...

• 28:44Andrew Santino?

  Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Careful, careful.

• 28:47Speaker 06

  Yeah, my bad.

• 28:47Andrew Santino?

  Twice you do that, dude.

• 28:48Speaker 06

  I know.

• 28:49Andrew Santino?

  Every time I look at you, it makes me smile. The two, two, two reasons. I told you in the parking lot. One, I love you. I think you're so funny.

• 28:55Speaker 06

  Thank you.

• 28:56Andrew Santino?

  And two, you remind me of my sister so much.

• 28:57Speaker 06

  Yeah, so what's she like? Is she my age?

• 28:59Andrew Santino?

  She's thirty-four, thirty-three.

• 29:01Speaker 06

  Really?

• 29:01Andrew Santino?

  Yeah.

• 29:02Speaker 06

  And we look alike? Or just we have the same vibe of...

• 29:04Andrew Santino?

  Doesn't she have the same vibe as my sister?

• 29:05Speaker 06

  Really?

• 29:06Speaker 08

  That's actually really, yes.

• 29:07Andrew Santino?

  You do. She does.

• 29:08Speaker 06

  Nice.

• 29:08Andrew Santino?

  You don't really look alike, but you have the same kind of charac...

• 29:10Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 29:11Andrew Santino?

  The way you hold yourself is similar to my sister.

• 29:13Speaker 06

  Well, and I saw you in the parking lot, you said, "You're a fucking pale girl." You're a fucking pale girl like my sister.

• 29:17Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, you are pale like her.

• 29:18Speaker 06

  Thanks, yeah, it's good to see you.

• 29:18Andrew Santino?

  My sister is see-through.

• 29:20Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 29:20Andrew Santino?

  See-through.

• 29:21Speaker 06

  Yeah, like...

• 29:21Andrew Santino?

  No, we're pale riders. You and I are both pale riders, but I'm a different kind. I'm, I'm...

• 29:25Speaker 06

  You have like a more of a olive...

• 29:27Andrew Santino?

  Well, I'm an actual ginger.

• 29:28Speaker 06

  Yes, you are.

• 29:29Andrew Santino?

  Because you're a phony.

• 29:30Speaker 06

  You think so?

• 29:31Andrew Santino?

  I don't really let you in.

• 29:32Speaker 06

  And why is that? Because I'm, because I'm struck, because my hair is an auburn. It's more auburn than orange.

• 29:37Andrew Santino?

  I don't even say that's auburn. That's brown to me.

• 29:39Speaker 06

  People be saying, "You have orange hair."

• 29:40Andrew Santino?

  That's fucking not red hair.

• 29:41Speaker 06

  When I was, when I was born, my hair was the color of yours.

• 29:43Andrew Santino?

  Really?

• 29:44Speaker 06

  Yeah, bright orange.

• 29:45Andrew Santino?

  Cute. That's when you were cute.

• 29:47Speaker 06

  Yep.

• 29:47Andrew Santino?

  And you lost it.

• 29:48Speaker 06

  Then it turned brown. No, I'm just brown hair. No, I'm just brunette.

• 29:51Speaker 08

  I should say that's red.

• 29:52Andrew Santino?

  No, you're wrong. I mean, as a redhead, you're incorrect and you have no...

• 29:55Speaker 06

  Because his hair is like orange.

• 29:56Andrew Santino?

  You have no legs to stand on here. But I will say, like, I get the auburn thing. People can say that, but

• 30:00Speaker 06

  Mm-hmm.

• 30:01Andrew Santino?

  the tone of that brown is similar to the tips of the bottom of your hair, which is not...

• 30:05Speaker 06

  No, because him and I don't have the same hair color at all.

• 30:07Andrew Santino?

  No, no, the tips of them.

• 30:08Speaker 08

  I think this is like a colorism thing.

• 30:10Speaker 06

  Yeah, because he wants to be the only ginger.

• 30:12Andrew Santino?

  No, no, you have to be a...

• 30:13Speaker 06

  And so now he's saying you're not actually ginger, so...

• 30:15Andrew Santino?

  I let others in.

• 30:15Speaker 06

  So...

• 30:16Andrew Santino?

  You have to be a real ginger to get into my fam.

• 30:19Speaker 06

  So who's in there? Keritop and Michelle Wolf?

• 30:21Andrew Santino?

  God bless, God bless.

• 30:25Andrew Santino?

  Who else is a ginge? In our world, Bill Burr is an actual redhead. Louis, for what it's worth, had red hair, had very red hair.

• 30:33Speaker 06

  Louis had red hair, yeah.

• 30:35Andrew Santino?

  Who else is the red of our world?

• 30:36Speaker 06

  Kathy Griffin.

• 30:38Andrew Santino?

  KG? That's the real KG, Kevin Garnett. Kathy Griffin. I'm trying to think of who else. Ron Howard, a real OG.

• 30:47Speaker 08

  Seth Green.

• 30:48Andrew Santino?

  Seth Green, a real OG. More like Seth Red.

• 30:51Speaker 06

  It's, yeah.

• 30:52Andrew Santino?

  Cut that out.

• 30:53Speaker 06

  Motherfucker picked the wrong last name.

• 30:55Andrew Santino?

  Motherfucker picked the wrong last name!

• 30:56Speaker 06

  But you're not Irish at all?

• 30:58Andrew Santino?

  I am, I'm Irish. My mom is Irish. My mom's a leprechaun. My mom's Irish and my dad was Sicilian. So that's why I look a little bit different than the average ginge.

• 31:05Speaker 06

  Right.

• 31:05Andrew Santino?

  Not to pat myself, but I do though. I see that the average gingies, and I'm always like, "God, I don't look like that guy."

• 31:10Speaker 06

  They're, the average gingie has more of a stark whiteness about them.

• 31:14Andrew Santino?

  Also, a lot of them have, I have brown eyes. You see a lot of redheads with blue eyes. You don't see a lot of like, orange people with brown eyes.

• 31:21Speaker 06

  Francis Ellis.

• 31:23Andrew Santino?

  Francis, I do know Francis, yes.

• 31:25Speaker 06

  He has some buttery blue eyes.

• 31:26Andrew Santino?

  He's a blue-eyed guy.

• 31:27Speaker 06

  Blink, blink.

• 31:28Andrew Santino?

  Well, he's also Mayflower shit.

• 31:29Speaker 06

  Oh, yeah.

• 31:30Andrew Santino?

  That's fucking old school.

• 31:31Speaker 06

  He's like OG pilgrim.

• 31:33Andrew Santino?

  But he is, right? He talks about that, right? Doesn't he come from like?

• 31:35Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 31:36Andrew Santino?

  A very wealthy family or something?

• 31:37Speaker 06

  Yeah, he's from Maine, so.

• 31:38Andrew Santino?

  Gross.

• 31:39Speaker 06

  I know.

• 31:40Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, gross.

• 31:40Speaker 06

  What's up there?

• 31:41Andrew Santino?

  Rich whites, old rich.

• 31:42Speaker 06

  And really poor whites.

• 31:44Andrew Santino?

  Are they up there too?

• 31:45Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 31:45Andrew Santino?

  They hide them though, don't they?

• 31:46Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 31:47Andrew Santino?

  Yeah. There they go, "Get down, get down, someone's coming."

• 31:50Speaker 06

  Shh, stop.

• 31:50Andrew Santino?

  Hide, hide, hide.

• 31:51Speaker 06

  Someone's coming for Architectural Digest.

• 31:53Andrew Santino?

  What's up, AD? Welcome to my house.

• 31:55Speaker 06

  Hi, you guys. I'm Andrew Santino.

• 31:57Andrew Santino?

  Come on in. Whenever I see that dude, that makes me nauseous.

• 32:01Speaker 06

  Me too, I watch them all. I watch all of them.

• 32:02Andrew Santino?

  I watch all of them.

• 32:03Speaker 06

  The Vogue, the Architectural Digest.

• 32:04Andrew Santino?

  But it drives me bananas.

• 32:05Speaker 06

  Me too.

• 32:06Andrew Santino?

  What's up, AD? Especially when you see someone that you're like, uh... Careful, Andrew. Whenever I see someone on there that I'm like, "Who bought that for you?" "You didn't pay for that."

• 32:18Speaker 06

  The house, you mean?

• 32:19Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, you're like-

• 32:19Speaker 06

  I thought you meant also like, the publicist for that-

• 32:21Andrew Santino?

  Well, that's also true.

• 32:22Speaker 06

  For that press booking thing too, but yeah, the house.

• 32:24Andrew Santino?

  Who's dad bought that? Yeah, did daddy buy that?

• 32:26Speaker 06

  Yeah. Cause I'm looking at your numbers and-

• 32:28Andrew Santino?

  That ain't it.

• 32:29Speaker 06

  Doesn't it?

• 32:30Andrew Santino?

  That ain't it. Daddy bought that, didn't he?

• 32:32Speaker 09

  Did daddy buy this house? Hi, AD, my daddy bought this house for me. It's big, but I have to figure out how to open this gate.

• 32:41Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, those things drive me fucking nuts and I of course will watch them because they fascinate me.

• 32:45Speaker 06

  I love them. I also love, um...

• 32:46Andrew Santino?

  Would you ever let someone into your house? Look, you get rich, you get super rich and famous. No, you get super rich and famous because it's on the way. You're gonna be rich and famous.

• 32:52Speaker 06

  You think so? I'm... My visualizations are not thinking that's happening.

• 32:57Andrew Santino?

  Oh, you're talented, you're smart, and you're cool, and you work hard.

• 33:02Andrew Santino?

  I think you're going to be very successful.

• 33:04Speaker 06

  That's really nice of you. Because that's what I try to tell myself. I just, I get better every day.

• 33:08Andrew Santino?

  You're getting better every day. You work hard.

• 33:10Speaker 06

  So what could, what could, what am I gonna be in my 50s trying to, trying to sell the Brea Improv for one night? That's what you think when you're in the mix, when you're in the thick of touring. You're like, it's gonna be, I'm, I'm gonna be trying to sell five shows at Magoob's in Baltimore until I die.

• 33:25Andrew Santino?

  Yeah. But you'll be bigger than that.

• 33:27Speaker 06

  I appreciate you saying that.

• 33:27Andrew Santino?

  You'll be at the Lyric in Baltimore at some point. And then after that, you'll be at, uh...

• 33:32Speaker 06

  I'll be back at Magoob's because I'll have a pop and then I'll have to go back to the...

• 33:34Andrew Santino?

  Right, you'll go down. Yeah.

• 33:35Speaker 06

  I'll have like a year of a pop and then back to the clubs and I'm like, yeah, yeah.

• 33:40Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, gotta have both.

• 33:44Andrew Santino?

  And then you slowly hear, as you slow down, it turns.

• 33:48Andrew Santino?

  No, it was Maddy last year.

• 33:50Speaker 06

  Wait, no! Yeah, people buy tickets. I'm sold out just so they can scream at me.

• 33:57Speaker 06

  Be careful what you wish for. I wish for sold out shows.

• 34:01Andrew Santino?

  Pitchforks, burn that witch!

• 34:04Speaker 06

  Yeah, like in Wicked. Did you watch, did you see Wicked?

• 34:05Andrew Santino?

  Come on, you know better than that.

• 34:06Speaker 06

  Okay, yeah, so in The Wizard and I, she hopes for everyone will be talking about me. And then they are.

• 34:11Andrew Santino?

  And they do, and guess what? You don't like it.

• 34:12Speaker 06

  They're talking shit. Down with the witch.

• 34:15Andrew Santino?

  I didn't see the Wicked, of course not. Why would I? That seems silly. I like the original. I like the book better.

• 34:21Speaker 06

  You like the book? Did you see the Broadway?

• 34:23Andrew Santino?

  No, dude, no chance.

• 34:24Speaker 06

  I didn't see the movie, I just saw the show.

• 34:26Andrew Santino?

  Wizard of Oz is the only, only world that I had an attachment to in this, uh, continuation of this property that they've done. They've done way too many things with it. You gotta leave it alone.

• 34:35Speaker 06

  And I think, I think the same about Harry Potter and Lord of the Rings.

• 34:38Andrew Santino?

  You gotta leave these things alone a little bit. Leave them all alone.

• 34:41Speaker 06

  10 years, 20 years.

• 34:42Andrew Santino?

  Leave them alone. They did it.

• 34:44Speaker 06

  Let them sit.

• 34:44Andrew Santino?

  And it's over, and it was awesome, and... And Wizard of Oz, Wizard of Oz itself was filled with so much sad trauma, you could, they could have just kept, continued to bank on that. Where's the story from the little people's perspective?

• 34:56Speaker 06

  I know, that's what we should make.

• 34:57Andrew Santino?

  How come they didn't do that?

• 34:58Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 34:58Andrew Santino?

  Those stories are insane, you know about that, right? The guy that fucking kills himself, they said that they treated them like cattle? They literally kept them like in a room together?

• 35:06Speaker 08

  Like, the guy hanging himself is an urban legend.

• 35:08Andrew Santino?

  No, no, no, but there is a man that did kill himself while filming that, a little person, not on set.

• 35:12Speaker 08

  Yeah.

• 35:13Andrew Santino?

  He didn't kill himself on, he's not hanging in the background. A little person killed himself while they're filming that movie, that is true.

• 35:18Speaker 06

  Fucking set life will get to you.

• 35:20Andrew Santino?

  Tell me about it, dude.

• 35:20Speaker 06

  Gotta bring an activity.

• 35:21Andrew Santino?

  Get those double wide trailers, you gotta go nuts, dude.

• 35:23Speaker 06

  Gotta bring a crossword book.

• 35:24Andrew Santino?

  It's a one banger, they're like, dude, I'm gonna die in this little tiny thing in the shower.

• 35:28Speaker 06

  Yep.

• 35:29Andrew Santino?

  But see, those little, are those little, you know, single room trailers, those must be huge for if you're a little person.

• 35:33Speaker 06

  Absolutely, yeah.

• 35:34Andrew Santino?

  Alright, we gotta, we gotta.

• 35:35Speaker 06

  I, I would think so.

• 35:36Andrew Santino?

  What am I doing here? What's going on?

• 35:37Speaker 08

  Have you heard of the Chevy Chase movie, Under the Rainbow?

• 35:39Speaker 06

  Nope.

• 35:39Speaker 08

  It came out, it was, it was a big flop, it came out in the eighties, but it's about like an investigation happening while the, uh...

• 35:45Andrew Santino?

  While the movie's taking place?

• 35:46Speaker 08

  While the movie's taking place, and like, all the munchkins and stuff, little people.

• 35:49Andrew Santino?

  Can't say munchkins anymore unless you're at Dunkin', dude. Didn't they used to call those, are they still called munchkins?

• 35:54Speaker 06

  Yeah, that's what they're calling those in the movie.

• 35:56Andrew Santino?

  No, I know, but I'm saying...

• 36:00Andrew Santino?

  Wait a minute, did the munchkins in Dunkin' Donuts, they're still called, the donut holes are still called munchkins, aren't they?

• 36:03Speaker 06

  Munchkins, yes. And at Tim Hortons, they're Timbits.

• 36:06Andrew Santino?

  Timbits?

• 36:07Speaker 06

  Contact, yeah.

• 36:07Andrew Santino?

  Timmy Hortons, eh?

• 36:08Speaker 06

  Timbits, yeah.

• 36:08Andrew Santino?

  Do you guys have Hortons up there in Buffalo?

• 36:09Speaker 06

  Oh, yeah.

• 36:10Andrew Santino?

  Cause it's close to Canada.

• 36:11Speaker 06

  Oh, yeah, you got one on every corner, eh?

• 36:12Andrew Santino?

  You're close to Canada.

• 36:13Speaker 06

  Right there?

• 36:13Andrew Santino?

  As soon as you cross over, yeah.

• 36:15Speaker 06

  Right across the peace bridge downtown Buffalo, you'll, you'll see Canada.

• 36:17Andrew Santino?

  That's, that's the thing about Canada, is people always go over there. People from Niagara, you know, but...

• 36:23Speaker 06

  Yeah, Niagara, yeah.

• 36:24Andrew Santino?

  The view from the States is better, eh? Cause you're looking at Canada, it's prettier.

• 36:27Speaker 06

  True, but you don't get the horseshoe waterfall.

• 36:29Andrew Santino?

  I know, I understand, I know, but it's just better.

• 36:31Speaker 06

  But if you've seen it before, you could, if you see the view from America, you say it's...

• 36:33Andrew Santino?

  See it once you've seen it again, you know.

• 36:34Speaker 06

  Maybe not that bad, eh?

• 36:34Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, true, yeah.

• 36:35Speaker 06

  Yeah?

• 36:36Andrew Santino?

  I played both sides, I played the Canada side and the other side, and, uh...

• 36:40Speaker 06

  You have the little, uh, casino over there?

• 36:42Andrew Santino?

  Uh, yeah, I don't remember what it's called, why can't I think of the name?

• 36:44Speaker 06

  I think I opened for Theo there. Wasn't, is it not a Hard Rock or no? But there's another one.

• 36:47Andrew Santino?

  No, it's not the Hard Rock.

• 36:48Speaker 06

  Falls View.

• 36:49Andrew Santino?

  Falls View Rivers, yeah, Falls View Casino. We played there, didn't we do Bad there? We did a Bad show there, right?

• 36:54Speaker 08

  And where?

• 36:55Andrew Santino?

  In the, in the fucking Niagara. Didn't we do a bad show there?

• 36:58Speaker 08

  I wasn't there.

• 36:59Andrew Santino?

  No, thank god. Good memory then. Good memory then.

• 37:02Speaker 06

  And then what show did you do on this side? On the...

• 37:06Andrew Santino?

  This, you know, isn't that really sad? I don't remember, man.

• 37:07Speaker 06

  You don't remember?

• 37:08Andrew Santino?

  Casinos, just another fucking stupid casino.

• 37:09Speaker 06

  Okay, yeah.

• 37:10Andrew Santino?

  A miserable, depressing casino.

• 37:11Speaker 06

  Are casinos like...

• 37:12Andrew Santino?

  Which I'll be at, February 22nd, coming up to the, you know.

• 37:14Speaker 06

  I have a question.

• 37:15Andrew Santino?

  Yeah.

• 37:16Speaker 06

  What's the, is it clubs, theaters, casinos, bigger theaters? Where's the casinos fall in with?

• 37:21Andrew Santino?

  Oh, casinos are, uh, this is, casinos are...

• 37:27Speaker 08

  They're like a larger theater.

• 37:29Andrew Santino?

  Yeah. Casinos are kinda like an interim payday.

• 37:32Speaker 06

  You're right.

• 37:33Andrew Santino?

  Because they guarantee you the money and, you know, it's hard to sell them out.

• 37:38Speaker 06

  Is it all guaranteed? Is there door deals?

• 37:40Andrew Santino?

  No, it's guaranteed.

• 37:40Speaker 06

  It's all guarantees?

• 37:41Andrew Santino?

  Well, you can do a percentage afterwards, but it's also like, people do casinos because you're like, I'm working out, I'm having fun, I'm slotting into my tour, it works out. But like, it's harder to promote and sell, cause you know, your fans wanna see you in a traditional spot, so casinos are hard.

• 37:53Speaker 06

  They're hard, yeah.

• 37:54Andrew Santino?

  They're hard.

• 37:54Speaker 06

  I, yeah.

• 37:55Andrew Santino?

  And I love when people come see me in casinos. Come see me.

• 37:57Speaker 06

  Come see us.

• 37:58Andrew Santino?

  But it is so funny that you're, it's, I get it that it's hard to sell to fans, cause some people are like, I'd rather see you in a traditional theater in my...

• 38:03Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 38:04Andrew Santino?

  But usually do it when you're doing theater runs. I do it when I'm doing theater runs.

• 38:07Speaker 06

  Okay, got it, got it, got it, got it. Yeah.

• 38:08Andrew Santino?

  And also because I got a little, a little taste for the, for the tables.

• 38:10Speaker 06

  Oh, yeah?

• 38:11Andrew Santino?

  I like to do it.

• 38:12Speaker 06

  Throw in some...

• 38:14Andrew Santino?

  I like to gamble. I like casinos.

• 38:16Speaker 06

  I'm not, I, I don't hate casinos, but I, I'm not a big gambler.

• 38:19Andrew Santino?

  Ooh, I'm a gambler.

• 38:20Speaker 06

  Never caught the...

• 38:21Andrew Santino?

  Never caught the bug?

• 38:22Speaker 06

  Never caught the bug.

• 38:23Andrew Santino?

  What's your, what's your, uh, what do you, what do you stupidly waste money on then? What's the thing?

• 38:27Speaker 06

  Weed, vapes, snacks, food, Ubers, um...

• 38:32Andrew Santino?

  Gen Z.

• 38:33Speaker 06

  Yeah, I'm so Gen Z.

• 38:34Andrew Santino?

  You are.

• 38:35Speaker 06

  And then on the road sometimes, you ever go to Target when you're on the road?

• 38:39Andrew Santino?

  No.

• 38:39Speaker 06

  Okay.

• 38:40Andrew Santino?

  What do I, what are you doing in a Target? You're consuming products?

• 38:43Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 38:44Andrew Santino?

  Just buying stuff?

• 38:44Speaker 06

  If you're at like a freaking Hampton Inn, right next to a Target?

• 38:47Andrew Santino?

  I'm so boring on the road. I, we go out to a nice dinner, I go to the gym, I do the show.

• 38:52Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 38:53Andrew Santino?

  Maybe afterwards we do... Go out for food or a drink and then go to bed.

• 38:58Speaker 06

  You go to bed.

• 38:59Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, I don't wanna go out in the town anymore.

• 39:02Speaker 06

  I don't do that.

• 39:02Andrew Santino?

  But I'm burnt out because I did it for years when I was a young comic on the road. I would go do stuff and just, and then go retail therapy or sometimes I go shopping by myself just to like feel something.

• 39:12Speaker 06

  Yeah, it's kind of what I'm on now.

• 39:13Andrew Santino?

  Sit in a local bar.

• 39:14Speaker 06

  Okay, yeah.

• 39:15Andrew Santino?

  That's, that's.

• 39:16Speaker 06

  I stopped drinking, so it's like.

• 39:17Andrew Santino?

  Did you how long?

• 39:19Speaker 06

  Uh, last, like, a year ago, like fifteen months ago.

• 39:22Andrew Santino?

  Are you, how do you feel?

• 39:24Speaker 06

  Good.

• 39:24Andrew Santino?

  Not physically, how do you feel mentally about it?

• 39:26Speaker 06

  I feel good mentally.

• 39:27Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, you do feel better.

• 39:28Speaker 06

  I kinda miss, you know, the camaraderie of being out with people. I feel like I lost touch with.

• 39:33Andrew Santino?

  Do you think you could go out and not drink and just hang?

• 39:35Speaker 06

  Yeah, but it's, you're like more tired. Your, your fatigue is more transparent when you're not drinking.

• 39:40Andrew Santino?

  You got drunk fatigue?

• 39:42Speaker 06

  You get, you're just like, I'm tired, right? I'm tired. Cause when you're drinking, you're like, let's go.

• 39:46Andrew Santino?

  Yeah.

• 39:46Speaker 06

  You don't notice that I need to sleep right now.

• 39:48Andrew Santino?

  Why'd you stop?

• 39:49Speaker 06

  My sleep schedule's, cause I blackout like a mofo.

• 39:52Andrew Santino?

  Yeah.

• 39:52Speaker 06

  I went to Todd Barry's birthday party.

• 39:54Andrew Santino?

  Uh-oh.

• 39:54Speaker 06

  And hilarious.

• 39:56Andrew Santino?

  You'll fall asleep at that birthday party.

• 39:57Speaker 06

  Uh, yeah.

• 39:58Andrew Santino?

  Hey, thanks for coming.

• 39:59Speaker 06

  And I, I meant, I left my jacket on. I'm like, I'm gonna be here for thirty minutes. I blacked the fuck out.

• 40:03Andrew Santino?

  Wow, that fast. You were gone, dude.

• 40:06Speaker 06

  Yeah, at fucking beauty bar on a Tuesday night. And so the next morning.

• 40:09Andrew Santino?

  Great bar, by the way.

• 40:09Speaker 06

  Great bar, fun as fuck. But then the next morning, I was like, I think I gotta cut this.

• 40:13Andrew Santino?

  You gotta stop.

• 40:14Speaker 06

  If you go to a party and you're like.

• 40:15Andrew Santino?

  Bad hangxiety?

• 40:16Speaker 06

  Yes.

• 40:17Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, you got, you got it really bad.

• 40:18Speaker 06

  And just, I was, I woke up at, I threw up all that next day. All that, I was throwing up bile.

• 40:24Andrew Santino?

  Oh shit.

• 40:25Speaker 06

  I threw up so much that the roof of my mouth was damaged.

• 40:28Andrew Santino?

  Sore?

• 40:29Speaker 06

  From the bile, yeah. Big sore on the roof of my mouth.

• 40:31Andrew Santino?

  Any other physical symptoms?

• 40:32Speaker 06

  I've popped a, popped a blood vessel in my eye.

• 40:36Andrew Santino?

  From, from yakking?

• 40:36Speaker 06

  Joint pain, yep. Yep.

• 40:38Andrew Santino?

  You gotta stop.

• 40:39Speaker 06

  Standard.

• 40:39Andrew Santino?

  Are you going to meetings? Are you doing that thing? No, you're just doing the?

• 40:42Speaker 06

  Just kind of logic was like, this doesn't fit in my life anymore.

• 40:46Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, I get that. I get it.

• 40:47Speaker 06

  Seems easier. Cause every time there's a gray area, I just end up blacking out. I've been bla- I've been blacking out since I was like, in, in college. Upstate.

• 40:55Andrew Santino?

  Upstate.

• 40:56Speaker 06

  You know?

• 40:56Andrew Santino?

  That's where you went to college, in Buffalo?

• 40:58Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 40:58Andrew Santino?

  Sad.

• 40:59Speaker 06

  Yeah. And.

• 41:01Andrew Santino?

  Tough.

• 41:01Speaker 06

  I think I have like, I think I have ADD, what everyone does, but you know, like dop- dopamine hit of drinking.

• 41:07Andrew Santino?

  Oh yeah.

• 41:07Speaker 06

  For a sip.

• 41:08Andrew Santino?

  Oh, I wanna go. Yeah, let's go.

• 41:10Speaker 06

  Let's go, let's go, let's go. Beer is half full. I'm already getting two more. Let's go. Yeah.

• 41:15Andrew Santino?

  You're this girl. Come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on.

• 41:17Speaker 06

  Or I'll go get people drinks and I'll be like, and also a shot for me. Take a shot, go back.

• 41:20Andrew Santino?

  Oh, she did have a drinking problem.

• 41:22Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 41:25Andrew Santino?

  The shot alone at the bar is a dead giveaway.

• 41:27Speaker 06

  It was a problem.

• 41:28Andrew Santino?

  Yeah.

• 41:28Speaker 06

  We went to Australia with Bert, I blacked out like, we were there for four, yeah, we were there for 15 days, I blacked out eight times.

• 41:35Andrew Santino?

  Ooh, that's a lot of time.

• 41:35Speaker 06

  It was a lot.

• 41:36Andrew Santino?

  It's a lot of time.

• 41:37Speaker 06

  It was a lot.

• 41:37Andrew Santino?

  So I'm glad you got, I'm glad you did. See, my thing is I'm a social drinker, I love the social of it.

• 41:43Andrew Santino?

  And then I find that I, we'll take big breaks, I'm on a little kick right now, a little break, and then,

• 41:50Andrew Santino?

  I do like the camaraderie. I do know that it's healthier to not.

• 41:53Speaker 06

  Yeah. It feels good.

• 41:56Andrew Santino?

  It feels great. I will say the thing that I do kinda hold high on my own shoulders is like, my house is filled with alcohol. And I never, ever drink at the house.

• 42:04Speaker 06

  That's good.

• 42:05Andrew Santino?

  It's there for when people come over to the house. Cause I don't, like my wife and I, we don't, you know, people like, you have a glass of wine at dinner? Like, no, we don't do that, we don't have cocktails, like, we don't ever do that.

• 42:14Speaker 06

  I was never like that either.

• 42:15Andrew Santino?

  Ever.

• 42:15Speaker 06

  Glass of wine at home.

• 42:16Andrew Santino?

  So I only wanna do it when I see other humans. Like, when I see an old friend, it's like, I cannot wait to sit, have a beer and just talk shit.

• 42:22Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 42:23Andrew Santino?

  But, if you can't.

• 42:25Speaker 06

  I know. There is a part of me that's like, maybe someday I can, right.

• 42:28Andrew Santino?

  No. Not from what you just said, no.

• 42:31Speaker 06

  I know. I don't know why I didn't realize it for so long.

• 42:33Andrew Santino?

  Taking a shot solo when you bring a beer back is a little.

• 42:35Speaker 06

  Yeah, and panicking about your next drink, like, blacking out like, half an hour after you get there.

• 42:41Andrew Santino?

  That's really fast.

• 42:42Speaker 06

  Early, yeah.

• 42:43Andrew Santino?

  So you don't feel like you.

• 42:43Speaker 06

  Cause I would like drink on an empty stomach, cause I have disordered fucking eating shit, so I would drink on an empty stomach.

• 42:49Andrew Santino?

  You have disordered eating, eating disorder you mean?

• 42:52Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 42:52Andrew Santino?

  Or disordered eating?

• 42:53Speaker 06

  I guess the girls say disordered eating.

• 42:54Andrew Santino?

  Ah.

• 42:55Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 42:56Andrew Santino?

  Oh, is that like a new world way to say this?

• 42:57Speaker 06

  Yeah, I think so.

• 42:58Andrew Santino?

  Wow.

• 42:59Speaker 06

  Instead of, and eating, eating disorder sounds, whoa, what? Disordered eating?

• 43:03Andrew Santino?

  I have disordered eating.

• 43:04Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 43:05Andrew Santino?

  Yeah. I'm retarded mentally.

• 43:07Speaker 06

  Exactly.

• 43:10Andrew Santino?

  It's like a sweeter way to.

• 43:11Speaker 06

  Yeah, it is, yeah.

• 43:12Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, I get it.

• 43:13Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 43:13Andrew Santino?

  That's smart.

• 43:14Speaker 06

  Um, and I'm retarded physically, so.

• 43:16Andrew Santino?

  I do see that when you walked in.

• 43:17Speaker 06

  Right.

• 43:18Andrew Santino?

  Stop dude, bad girl.

• 43:20Speaker 06

  I'm sorry.

• 43:21Andrew Santino?

  Bad girl, take it back and say I'm sorry.

• 43:22Speaker 06

  I'm an outlaw, I'm an outlaw!

• 43:23Andrew Santino?

  Say I'm sorry.

• 43:24Speaker 06

  I'm sorry to be.

• 43:25Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, you wanna do that stuff, you move to Austin, pal, you cut that out on this show.

• 43:28Speaker 06

  Cut it out.

• 43:29Andrew Santino?

  You cut it out.

• 43:29Speaker 06

  Kill Tony.

• 43:30Andrew Santino?

  Kill Tony.

• 43:31Speaker 06

  Where we at? You judge, you ever judge Kill Tony?

• 43:34Andrew Santino?

  Yeah dude, I did Kill Tony back when it was back at the store days, we all did it back then.

• 43:38Speaker 06

  Okay, yeah, yeah.

• 43:38Andrew Santino?

  When he was around the store, when he started it a decade ago, yeah, we all used to do it, we used to go up there and fuck around. And then the rise of the show. And the popularity of it, kinda like changed the game for the kid. And good for all those guys. I just, when I was younger, it was a thing at the store. And we'd go upstairs and do it upstairs. It was fun in the belly. When Roast Battle was original.

• 43:59Speaker 06

  Well, I judged Roast Battle last night.

• 44:00Andrew Santino?

  Oh, you did?

• 44:01Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 44:01Andrew Santino?

  How was that?

• 44:02Speaker 06

  It was fun. It was just there and then...

• 44:04Andrew Santino?

  Upstairs, right in the belly?

• 44:05Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 44:06Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, the old days of all that stuff was really, really fun. There was something, it was kinda like, you know, again, good for the popularity for, for the comics attached to that and all that stuff. That's good, for the growth of their own show and blah, blah, blah. But when it was the most fun, when Roast was the most fun, and when Kill Tony was the most fun for my generation, was, it was like, we were, it was our little dirty secret.

• 44:24Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 44:24Andrew Santino?

  Like, it was fun, and it was upstairs, and it was packed, and it was, it was kinda like this great, like, you know, the business hadn't, like, you know.

• 44:31Speaker 06

  Agreed, that's how I feel about Roast Masters at the stand, back in the day.

• 44:35Andrew Santino?

  It was like, probably the best.

• 44:36Speaker 06

  The best.

• 44:37Andrew Santino?

  It was quiet, and it's just for you guys, and...

• 44:39Speaker 06

  Yeah, it was like, it was like an extracurricular, that you get excited about.

• 44:43Andrew Santino?

  Yeah.

• 44:43Speaker 06

  And then now, I don't know.

• 44:45Andrew Santino?

  Well, whenever, whenever the corporate, the corporate world gets to hold of something, they're going to ruin it.

• 44:48Speaker 06

  Yeah, they're gonna ruin it.

• 44:49Andrew Santino?

  Inevitably, you know? It's gonna go down. What's wrong?

• 44:53Speaker 08

  She was just slouching before us, I just readjusted.

• 44:55Andrew Santino?

  She's slouching?

• 44:56Speaker 06

  I sat up a little bit, I was like...

• 44:57Andrew Santino?

  What are you, you're fucking, you're judging her posture?

• 44:59Speaker 08

  No, no judge.

• 45:00Andrew Santino?

  You got a lot, you got a lot of nerve.

• 45:02Speaker 06

  I was slouching though, and I was like, I need to...

• 45:03Andrew Santino?

  The hunchback of Minnesota?

• 45:06Andrew Santino?

  This guy, I mean, he's slouch Magoo. I've never seen you stand up tall my whole fucking time I've known you.

• 45:10Speaker 06

  Motherfucker sitting like the letter C over there.

• 45:12Andrew Santino?

  This motherfucker, this, this motherfucker, this motherfucker right here.

• 45:15Speaker 06

  This motherfucker sitting like a shrimp.

• 45:16Andrew Santino?

  He's sitting like shrimp.

• 45:17Speaker 06

  Sitting like a shrimp cocktail.

• 45:19Andrew Santino?

  How many years did you, and on that, and on that voice note, how many years did you do Wild N Out?

• 45:23Speaker 06

  Freak out, how many, how, how long I've been on Wild N Out?

• 45:26Andrew Santino?

  You're not doing it anymore.

• 45:27Speaker 06

  I, I'm kind of continuously, just whenever they ask.

• 45:30Andrew Santino?

  What, really?

• 45:31Speaker 06

  But I, so, to answer your question, I got on right before COVID. Got on right before COVID, 2019.

• 45:37Andrew Santino?

  2019.

• 45:38Speaker 06

  2019.

• 45:39Andrew Santino?

  You jumped on the show.

• 45:40Speaker 06

  I jumped on.

• 45:41Andrew Santino?

  Nick called you.

• 45:42Speaker 06

  Nick called.

• 45:43Andrew Santino?

  You said, "So what's up, baby girl, I'm having another kid, you need to be on the show."

• 45:46Speaker 06

  You need to be on a show, you funny as fuck, man.

• 45:48Andrew Santino?

  Does he bring all his kids to the show?

• 45:49Speaker 06

  No, I met one kid, and I was...

• 45:50Andrew Santino?

  How many does he have? He's got a lot, right?

• 45:52Speaker 06

  I think 12 or 13.

• 45:53Andrew Santino?

  Hell, yeah.

• 45:54Speaker 06

  Hell, yeah.

• 45:54Andrew Santino?

  And see...

• 45:55Speaker 06

  That's, that's sister wife life.

• 45:56Andrew Santino?

  Sister wife life.

• 45:57Speaker 06

  And, uh...

• 45:58Andrew Santino?

  They all live in one house, huh?

• 46:00Speaker 06

  No.

• 46:00Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, they do, that's what I heard.

• 46:01Speaker 06

  No, they don't.

• 46:02Andrew Santino?

  Yes, they do.

• 46:04Speaker 00

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• 46:33Speaker 01

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• 47:03Speaker 10

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• 47:32Speaker 06

  No, they literally do not. Nick? I follow all of them on Instagram. Oh, you do? And they all have different houses. Oh, that's so funny. And one of them is a girl on Selling Sunset. Who's that? Brie T. S. C. I don't know any of that stuff. I know the show. I've seen, I've heard of the show. You're probably right. She's long, long bra. Brie T., I need to look it up now. What is it? Brie T. T. S. C. Like, T. Oh, yeah. She doesn't look like anybody.

• 47:56Andrew Santino?

  She looks like everybody.

• 47:57Speaker 06

  I know, everyone has the same face.

• 47:59Andrew Santino?

  Everybody here has the exact same face.

• 48:00Speaker 06

  Isn't it crazy?

• 48:00Andrew Santino?

  It's like they're built, they're like, "Make me her."

• 48:02Speaker 06

  I know, like, heart, face, heart shape.

• 48:05Andrew Santino?

  They just reconstruct you.

• 48:06Speaker 06

  Hey, Maddy, nice to meet you. You are so funny tonight.

• 48:11Andrew Santino?

  It's a four-bed, four-bath in Beverly Hills.

• 48:14Speaker 06

  It's gorgeous.

• 48:15Andrew Santino?

  You're gonna love that.

• 48:17Speaker 06

  For me, the favorite part is the sauna.

• 48:20Andrew Santino?

  Sauna. Wanna come in the sauna?

• 48:23Speaker 06

  I love to relax.

• 48:24Andrew Santino?

  Oh, hold on, my eyes falling, hold on.

• 48:26Speaker 06

  Oh, hold on. My filler migrated.

• 48:29Andrew Santino?

  It moved. Push it, let me push it, let me push it back.

• 48:33Speaker 06

  Just push it up.

• 48:34Andrew Santino?

  It is so sad when you see that, especially someone like Donatella Versace, who is like, has all the money in the world.

• 48:39Speaker 06

  I know.

• 48:39Andrew Santino?

  You have all the money.

• 48:40Speaker 06

  I know.

• 48:41Andrew Santino?

  Buy a new head, you could buy a new fucking head.

• 48:43Speaker 06

  She might, because there's new, like, look at Lindsay Lohan, she came back and now she's, everyone's like, her face looks like Kris Jenner.

• 48:49Andrew Santino?

  Yeah. Lindsay Lohan looks legit, she looks like she used to.

• 48:52Speaker 06

  I know.

• 48:52Andrew Santino?

  Whoever did that is...

• 48:53Speaker 06

  There's some sort of mysterious, plastic, all-in-one surgeon.

• 48:55Andrew Santino?

  Well, it's the Illuminati.

• 48:58Andrew Santino?

  Why don't you drink the baby blood, dude? Then they reconstruct your face.

• 49:01Speaker 06

  Yeah, game over.

• 49:02Andrew Santino?

  I'm excited.

• 49:03Speaker 06

  I'm pumped for yours.

• 49:04Andrew Santino?

  I'm in line, yeah, I'm number thirty-eight or thirty-nine. Cannot wait.

• 49:07Speaker 08

  Lindsay Lohan, thirty-eight years old.

• 49:09Andrew Santino?

  Yeah.

• 49:10Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 49:10Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, when you're thirty-eight or thirty-nine, and I'm in the thirty-eighth on the list, I know.

• 49:17Speaker 06

  It's getting close. Hilarious. Are you, uh, are you into Botox, or have you dipped into all that? I don't know. I, you know, because...

• 49:26Andrew Santino?

  Guys can't do Botox, guys don't do Botox.

• 49:27Speaker 06

  I ask because I'll be casually talking to someone and they'll be like, they'll be like, "Yeah, I do Botox."

• 49:31Andrew Santino?

  No. I don't know any men that, do you know men that do Botox? I don't think we know any men that do Botox. I know, most of my women friends do it, if not all of them. I would say every one of my girlfriends out here does Botox.

• 49:42Speaker 06

  I'm trying to think of...

• 49:44Speaker 08

  Even folks my age are doing it.

• 49:45Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, that's gross to me, you're way too young. Twenty-five is insanely young to do Botox. Twenty-six, I know, dude, it's the same fucking thing. Mid-twenties is way too young.

• 49:52Speaker 06

  Excuse me. I'll have girls on my show, "Oh, you're so funny," and I think they're forty-plus, because their faces are injected.

• 49:59Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, they did it wrong.

• 50:00Speaker 06

  What, we're twenty-six?

• 50:00Andrew Santino?

  You look older when you do it.

• 50:02Speaker 06

  We're twenty-six!

• 50:02Andrew Santino?

  I know, I don't understand that.

• 50:03Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 50:03Andrew Santino?

  You shouldn't be allowed to do Botox before forty.

• 50:07Speaker 06

  I agree.

• 50:07Andrew Santino?

  I think after forty, I feel like I get when a woman is like, "You don't know what it's like." You know, I, I get it, I get it.

• 50:13Speaker 06

  I get it. I mean, I'm pre all of this.

• 50:15Andrew Santino?

  I get it.

• 50:15Speaker 06

  We watch our moms growing up, like, my mom was always like tightening her neck.

• 50:19Andrew Santino?

  I know.

• 50:19Speaker 06

  Like pulling down on her neck. So I get that.

• 50:20Andrew Santino?

  My mom used to say that all the time. She wanted all sorts. She was like, I want this, I want this.

• 50:23Speaker 06

  Yeah, they're always like, if I could just pull.

• 50:25Andrew Santino?

  Yeah.

• 50:26Speaker 06

  If I could just pull it off.

• 50:27Andrew Santino?

  But they also had children too, so I understand that. My mom was like, you don't know what it's like for a woman. I get it. But pre forty, I don't think you need it.

• 50:33Speaker 06

  And I also think you can use it to tighten and accentuate, but this whole face changing thing.

• 50:39Andrew Santino?

  Don't change your face.

• 50:40Speaker 06

  I always thought we were supposed to be like, this is my face, sounds good. But people are changing.

• 50:44Andrew Santino?

  Where we come from, the originals, and most people in the Midwest don't really fuck with their shit. They don't really, it's not really our thing. That's a very coastal thing. That's, that's, that's a New York fancy. That's an LA thing.

• 50:56Speaker 06

  You see people move to LA and then like a year later, they, they got all their bunch of shit done.

• 51:00Andrew Santino?

  Yeah.

• 51:00Speaker 06

  The influence of.

• 51:01Andrew Santino?

  They look like a different person.

• 51:02Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 51:02Andrew Santino?

  But New York has it too, by the way. Make no mistake.

• 51:04Speaker 06

  Oh, yeah.

• 51:04Andrew Santino?

  New York is big on that shit. New York is just more sly about it. LA is more like, go all the way.

• 51:10Speaker 06

  Totally.

• 51:10Andrew Santino?

  New York is slowly but surely.

• 51:11Speaker 06

  New York is a little bit at a time.

• 51:13Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, it's smart.

• 51:13Speaker 06

  Like your friend will come to dinner, she's like, do you like my lip flip? And then a couple of weeks later, we'll fill her. And then there's fake lashes, brows.

• 51:21Andrew Santino?

  I had fucking as a white Irish, my god, do we not have lips. I mean, I could use a lip. My god, I could use a lip.

• 51:25Speaker 06

  And you remember when you, you were growing up, my, your parents lip, their lip curls when they get mad at you?

• 51:30Andrew Santino?

  Yeah.

• 51:31Speaker 06

  Sit down, young man. Sit down.

• 51:33Andrew Santino?

  Her lips are gone.

• 51:34Speaker 06

  Yeah, like you look so ugly.

• 51:35Andrew Santino?

  Mom, your lips are gone.

• 51:36Speaker 06

  Mom.

• 51:37Andrew Santino?

  We were born with no lips. Whenever I shave my, whenever I shave up here, I'm always like, fuck, there's nothing under there.

• 51:42Speaker 06

  There's nothing there.

• 51:42Andrew Santino?

  It's just mustache mouth.

• 51:43Speaker 06

  Mm-hmm.

• 51:44Andrew Santino?

  It's just mustache hits the mouth.

• 51:45Speaker 06

  I feel like part of my lip is like inside my mouth.

• 51:47Andrew Santino?

  You have, you have bigger lips than most Irish.

• 51:49Speaker 06

  I know, I feel good about it, but then, you know.

• 51:51Andrew Santino?

  You're lucky.

• 51:51Speaker 06

  Wilding up, thin lip bitch.

• 51:53Andrew Santino?

  Is that what, is that what your nickname was?

• 51:54Speaker 06

  Thin lip, flat ass bitch.

• 51:56Andrew Santino?

  Thin lip, flat ass bitch.

• 51:57Speaker 06

  Kind of.

• 51:58Andrew Santino?

  And what's your retort?

• 52:00Speaker 06

  I'll usually be like, you're gay, like, blah, blah, blah.

• 52:03Andrew Santino?

  Yeah.

• 52:03Speaker 06

  Can't get hard.

• 52:04Andrew Santino?

  I have a good credit score.

• 52:05Speaker 06

  Yeah, cr- yeah, credit score.

• 52:06Andrew Santino?

  That's an easy shot.

• 52:07Speaker 06

  I'll call the cops on your barbecue.

• 52:09Andrew Santino?

  Right, that's good.

• 52:09Speaker 06

  Um, stuff like that.

• 52:11Andrew Santino?

  Yeah.

• 52:12Speaker 06

  Stuff like that.

• 52:13Andrew Santino?

  But that's the irony. Because of you doing wild now, you're invited to the barbecue.

• 52:16Speaker 06

  I know. And I, I feel like I can say.

• 52:18Andrew Santino?

  You're like, I'll call the cops when I leave the barbecue.

• 52:20Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 52:20Andrew Santino?

  Soon as I leave.

• 52:20Speaker 06

  Cause I don't want, I have FOMO.

• 52:22Andrew Santino?

  Right, you gotta be there.

• 52:23Speaker 06

  So.

• 52:23Andrew Santino?

  What do you bring to the barbecue? You're invited to a barbecue.

• 52:26Speaker 06

  If I was invited.

• 52:26Andrew Santino?

  What do you bring?

• 52:27Speaker 06

  I bring brownies.

• 52:28Andrew Santino?

  To a black barbecue?

• 52:29Speaker 06

  Mm-hmm.

• 52:29Andrew Santino?

  Brownies?

• 52:29Speaker 06

  Anything with savory, they're gonna be like.

• 52:31Andrew Santino?

  You don't wanna bring Blackies? Careful.

• 52:34Speaker 06

  So stupid.

• 52:35Andrew Santino?

  So dumb. Guys, I bought a tray of Blackies.

• 52:37Speaker 06

  That was good. That was good. That was good.

• 52:43Andrew Santino?

  You're invited to the barbecue, you bring brownies, and I'll tell you why.

• 52:45Speaker 06

  I would bring brownies, because savory, you know, you're gonna watch them be like...

• 52:47Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, you can't do savory. Sweet, you can do.

• 52:49Speaker 06

  They'll get mad. "Who the fuck brought this mac and cheese?"

• 52:52Andrew Santino?

  Is it salt on the brownies?

• 52:53Speaker 06

  Maybe I'll do a little salt.

• 52:54Andrew Santino?

  You have to do a little.

• 52:55Speaker 06

  But then you don't know, who the fuck put salt on these brownies?

• 52:57Andrew Santino?

  Yeah. "This white bitch put salt on the motherfucking brownies."

• 53:00Speaker 06

  It's salt, I don't like that, salt in this brownie.

• 53:01Andrew Santino?

  And then they fucking shit on you the whole time.

• 53:02Speaker 06

  Then it's over. So you gotta be careful.

• 53:04Andrew Santino?

  Isn't that the beauty of that show, by the way, that like, people, you can make fun of race together on that fucking show?

• 53:08Speaker 06

  Yes, that's, I always say like...

• 53:09Andrew Santino?

  It annoys me so much that when people are like, "Whoa dude, that's not, you don't wanna say that." It's like, this is proof that you can mock each other with love.

• 53:17Speaker 06

  I agree.

• 53:17Andrew Santino?

  And it's funny.

• 53:18Speaker 06

  I agree.

• 53:19Andrew Santino?

  It drives me nuts that the other world doesn't wanna do it. The other TV worlds are still like, "Dude, bro, you..."

• 53:24Speaker 06

  No, let's take it, and let's beat down on the whites.

• 53:27Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, only beat the whites.

• 53:29Speaker 06

  I know Wild Out's lowbrow, but it is like a classic of just...

• 53:34Andrew Santino?

  What's lowbrow about it? It's just old school comedy.

• 53:35Speaker 06

  Just that it's kinda like a drop-down menu of, it is old school.

• 53:37Andrew Santino?

  It's just old school making fun of each other.

• 53:38Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 53:39Andrew Santino?

  It's shitting on each other.

• 53:40Speaker 06

  If you don't get your goddamn...

• 53:41Andrew Santino?

  If you don't get your goddamn... That's great.

• 53:43Speaker 06

  Shoes lack.

• 53:44Andrew Santino?

  Great.

• 53:44Speaker 06

  And body by, blah blah blah.

• 53:46Andrew Santino?

  It's fucking fantastic.

• 53:46Speaker 06

  It's fun, it's fun, funny, old school, yeah.

• 53:48Andrew Santino?

  Comedy's supposed to be fun.

• 53:49Speaker 06

  Agreed.

• 53:50Andrew Santino?

  The idea that comedy is snooty. Yeah.

• 53:52Speaker 06

  I hate when people get mad at crowds, and, obviously, I'll get off, and be like, "That felt kinda weird." But it's all, it should be all hokey, Catskills, eh.

• 53:59Andrew Santino?

  Yeah.

• 53:59Speaker 06

  If someone does, has a bad joke, "Oh boy." It should be all fake and like...

• 54:04Andrew Santino?

  It's not real.

• 54:05Speaker 06

  Yeah, it's not real. Everyone's so emotional.

• 54:07Andrew Santino?

  I said that last night.

• 54:08Speaker 06

  That fucking crowd.

• 54:09Andrew Santino?

  It's not real.

• 54:09Speaker 06

  That fucking crowd.

• 54:10Andrew Santino?

  It's not the crowd, dude.

• 54:11Speaker 06

  That joke, that one joke bombed.

• 54:13Andrew Santino?

  They don't like your shit.

• 54:14Speaker 06

  Yeah, and if they don't, we should be able to be like, "Hey, it's hokey time."

• 54:17Andrew Santino?

  "I shit the bed, my bad."

• 54:18Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 54:18Andrew Santino?

  That was bad.

• 54:19Speaker 06

  And we should laugh about it, because it's comedy and we're clowns.

• 54:21Andrew Santino?

  That's why I kinda like it. When you look at the originals, you look at like, old school comedy, I mean Pratt Falling was like a fucking... Being a goof was a big part of it.

• 54:28Speaker 06

  Yes.

• 54:29Andrew Santino?

  And you can have both sides of comedy, but I just think like, I don't know, it's time for the world to have a little bit less... We need to be shitting on everything.

• 54:36Speaker 06

  Agreed.

• 54:37Andrew Santino?

  That show shit on a lot of stuff, and it does give you, it does give you this wonderful hall pass to say wild ass bullshit.

• 54:43Speaker 06

  Yeah, it does, because in stand-up, they come out, they know.

• 54:45Andrew Santino?

  I love that.

• 54:45Speaker 06

  It's gonna be some crazy shit, not crazy, but just jokes about, you can joke about black people and...

• 54:49Andrew Santino?

  And no one's gonna go, "This white bitch."

• 54:51Speaker 06

  No, no one's ever...

• 54:52Andrew Santino?

  But that's the thing. You can joke about black people because you're so fucking white.

• 54:56Speaker 06

  Yes.

• 54:57Andrew Santino?

  You're so fucking white.

• 54:58Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 54:59Andrew Santino?

  You can do it.

• 54:59Speaker 06

  Absolutely.

• 55:00Andrew Santino?

  If you were like a reg white, they'd be like, careful now.

• 55:02Speaker 06

  And I've seen it on the show. I got on the show and I said edgy, for the show, edgy, and they loved it. But then like, another white person came the next season and they would be like.

• 55:13Andrew Santino?

  Careful now.

• 55:13Speaker 06

  For that person's jokes, yeah.

• 55:15Andrew Santino?

  It is funny, it's because it's contingent upon the person presenting the joke.

• 55:19Speaker 06

  Yes, it is.

• 55:19Andrew Santino?

  It's always contingent, but you're so, like, this white bitch, you're that.

• 55:24Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 55:24Andrew Santino?

  So then it's free rein.

• 55:25Speaker 06

  And I'm like, hey, I look like I got dropped off in the wrong neighborhood. So then they're like, all eyes on me. And then when I tell them, look at black dudes, and I'm like, you all look the same. They're like, yo.

• 55:35Andrew Santino?

  Yo, this white bitch!

• 55:36Speaker 06

  Go white girl, go white girl.

• 55:39Andrew Santino?

  Just holding your purse tight the whole time.

• 55:40Speaker 06

  Yeah, like, fuck, where's my Uber?

• 55:44Speaker 06

  But I think it's a great baseline for.

• 55:47Andrew Santino?

  It's fun.

• 55:47Speaker 06

  Yeah, my audiences are just like jokes. They love jokes.

• 55:50Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, they love you, because they know you're, it's like, you know I'm kidding.

• 55:53Speaker 06

  You know it's all fake.

• 55:54Andrew Santino?

  You know this is not real.

• 55:56Speaker 06

  This is not real.

• 55:56Andrew Santino?

  That's what drives me the most nuts. Like, last night, it was a little bit older of a crowd, but it is funny to see their faces sometimes when you say some wild shit and they're like.

• 56:03Speaker 06

  I know.

• 56:03Andrew Santino?

  And you're like, lady, lady.

• 56:04Speaker 06

  And it's fake.

• 56:05Andrew Santino?

  Lady, this is not real.

• 56:06Speaker 06

  Like, I have a joke that's like, I found my mom's dildo in high school. It was huge. It barely fit. Obviously, I didn't put my mom's fucking dildo in my purse. Like, why, every people go, oh my god.

• 56:16Andrew Santino?

  And even if you did.

• 56:17Speaker 06

  Even if I did.

• 56:18Andrew Santino?

  I washed it.

• 56:18Speaker 06

  Is it in, they, I do jokes about swallowing cum. People act like the cum's in their mouth.

• 56:23Andrew Santino?

  Yeah.

• 56:23Speaker 06

  As I'm talking. Ew, ew, ew.

• 56:28Speaker 06

  You are good.

• 56:29Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, don't worry about it. It's not.

• 56:31Speaker 06

  I'm the one who got ruined, okay?

• 56:36Speaker 06

  You know, like, if you tell a dark joke, like, don't act like you're the one with a dick in your ass.

• 56:39Andrew Santino?

  I did it.

• 56:39Speaker 06

  I was the one with a dick in my ass.

• 56:40Andrew Santino?

  I'm the one with the dick still in my ass.

• 56:42Speaker 06

  It's in my ass right now. It's stuck. Yeah.

• 56:45Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, I think it's turning though. I think people, people are more, becoming more aware than ever that it's, that, who gives a shit because the internet, internet's more free now.

• 56:55Speaker 06

  Yeah, agreed.

• 56:56Andrew Santino?

  And the internet's dark as fuck.

• 56:57Speaker 06

  Yes, it is.

• 56:57Andrew Santino?

  There's the darkest, you couldn't say anything as dark as the internet has.

• 56:59Speaker 06

  Agreed. Twitter might be the darkest place in the world.

• 57:01Andrew Santino?

  I can't go on anymore. I'm only a Truth Social guy, my friend.

• 57:04Speaker 06

  Oh, you're on Blue Sky?

• 57:05Andrew Santino?

  This episode of Whiskey Ginger brought to you by Truth Social. Please sign up. Use code BOMBDEM. BOMBDEM. Uh, hashtag BOMBDEM.

• 57:13Speaker 06

  And you can catch me on Threads.

• 57:14Andrew Santino?

  Catch me on Threads. Oh, by the way, the, yeah, Instagram keeps trying to get me over to Threads.

• 57:18Speaker 06

  I think I...

• 57:20Andrew Santino?

  Nice try, Instagram.

• 57:21Speaker 06

  I don't know what, but Twitter is like, you'll open Twitter and it'll be N-word, Ray stuff.

• 57:26Andrew Santino?

  That's mine. Those are my tune. Those are my tune. I wrote, those are mine back to back.

• 57:30Speaker 06

  That's just our texts, sorry.

• 57:30Andrew Santino?

  That's just me and you. Yeah, what are you talking about?

• 57:32Speaker 06

  So stupid. Or it'll be trans. Is this a woman?

• 57:35Andrew Santino?

  Yeah.

• 57:36Speaker 06

  And it used to be, that stuff would only be on my feed if someone was quote tweeting it, and now it's, Kumia's right on my feed.

• 57:42Andrew Santino?

  Yeah.

• 57:43Speaker 06

  Kumia's on my feed. All these people and it's stark.

• 57:46Andrew Santino?

  And then Ben Shapiro. It's weird how they promote, who they end up promoting, and I don't even ask for any of that shit. But then you have to click on,

• 57:52Speaker 06

  Yes.

• 57:52Andrew Santino?

  Follow. You have to do only the people that you follow.

• 57:54Speaker 06

  Okay, yeah, I think I'm on the, the wrong.

• 57:57Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, it's curated and it's, and it's promoted.

• 57:59Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 58:00Andrew Santino?

  It's bullshit.

• 58:01Speaker 06

  It's bizarre.

• 58:01Andrew Santino?

  It's bullshit.

• 58:02Speaker 06

  Yeah. Do you read comments about yourself?

• 58:04Andrew Santino?

  Oh my god, no. What a fucking nightmare. What are you doing over there?

• 58:07Speaker 06

  I try not to.

• 58:08Andrew Santino?

  Get out of there, dude. It's a dirty restaurant.

• 58:09Speaker 06

  No, I try not to.

• 58:10Andrew Santino?

  Yeah. But it hurts your feelings when you read something bad?

• 58:12Speaker 06

  Not anymore. Not anymore unless it's specific about a, an anxiety that I have.

• 58:17Andrew Santino?

  Give me one.

• 58:18Speaker 06

  Um, so.

• 58:19Andrew Santino?

  Say it. Whatever it is, say it.

• 58:21Speaker 06

  Um, if someone said you, I don't know if it's about,

• 58:31Speaker 06

  I don't, like, what are you going on? If it's like, uh,

• 58:34Andrew Santino?

  What is it? This fat, fat white bitch?

• 58:36Speaker 06

  If someone says, if someone says on a stand-up clip, "I'm ugly," I'm like, that's not, it's factually, I'm a normal-looking person.

• 58:41Andrew Santino?

  But also, what does that have to do with my stand-up?

• 58:42Speaker 06

  And what does that have to do with my stand-up?

• 58:43Andrew Santino?

  Say my stand-up sucks. At least just say my stand-up sucks.

• 58:46Speaker 06

  At least just say my stand-up sucks. I don't care what you think of how I look.

• 58:48Andrew Santino?

  I'm fine if you're like, "Your stand-up sucks." I'm like, "Fine."

• 58:50Speaker 06

  Right.

• 58:51Andrew Santino?

  That's fine.

• 58:52Speaker 06

  I guess, yeah, it doesn't...

• 58:53Andrew Santino?

  Don't come at my looks, dog.

• 58:55Speaker 06

  I don't care if they come at my looks, because I know that I'm not...

• 58:58Andrew Santino?

  No, it's not that. I just mean like, what an... It's an irrelevant comment. It's like,

• 59:01Speaker 06

  It's irrelevant, yeah.

• 59:01Andrew Santino?

  Why are you making this comment?

• 59:02Speaker 06

  It's irrelevant.

• 59:03Andrew Santino?

  Just say you hate the joke.

• 59:03Speaker 06

  Right.

• 59:04Andrew Santino?

  I'm fine with that.

• 59:05Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 59:05Andrew Santino?

  That, I don't care. It has nothing to do with the other thing.

• 59:08Speaker 06

  Well, I think a hurtful comment, not hurtful, is like, some of her stuff is good, but this wasn't it. You're like,

• 59:15Andrew Santino?

  Yeah.

• 59:15Speaker 06

  Something like that.

• 59:16Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, but you know, well, I get it. It's more hurtful as you go on in life and comedy. Sometimes I'll find that like, they like something that I don't even think is that good. That drives me the most.

• 59:24Speaker 06

  I know.

• 59:24Andrew Santino?

  Where they're like, dude, this is so funny. And you're like, that's not that funny.

• 59:27Speaker 06

  I know. And then it's the one that just...

• 59:28Andrew Santino?

  Fuck, am I wrong?

• 59:29Speaker 06

  Feeds comments for like a year. You're still getting comments on this one dumb fucking thing. I know.

• 59:34Andrew Santino?

  I mean, dude, the amount of people that yell, "I'm Bobby Mom" to me in public.

• 59:37Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 59:38Andrew Santino?

  I would, that was a...

• 59:39Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 59:40Andrew Santino?

  That wasn't even, it was like a throwaway thing we did.

• 59:42Speaker 06

  Yeah, now it's...

• 59:42Andrew Santino?

  And then there's-

• 59:43Speaker 06

  Now it's your merch?

• 59:44Andrew Santino?

  It's now my, yeah.

• 59:44Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 59:45Andrew Santino?

  "I'm Bobby Mom." I mean, they love it though. But I get it.

• 59:47Speaker 06

  I'm upstairs.

• 59:48Andrew Santino?

  I think it's fun. It's fun. I do like it. But never in a million world, years would I be like, dude, that clip's gonna go.

• 59:54Speaker 06

  Right.

• 59:54Andrew Santino?

  Like, I, I didn't, we've put so much out from that show that I'm like, it's weird they, the, the things that people pick is very odd.

• 1:00:01Speaker 06

  It's very odd, yeah.

• 1:00:01Andrew Santino?

  It reminds you that you have no idea what they're gonna like. So you might as well just write what you like.

• 1:00:05Speaker 06

  Yeah, agreed.

• 1:00:05Andrew Santino?

  And then hope that they like some of it.

• 1:00:07Speaker 06

  Yeah, totally agree.

• 1:00:09Andrew Santino?

  That is proof that I was like, yeah, I don't know who, someone from the crew was like, you know that clip is going crazy viral? And I was like, what? The Bobby Mom?

• 1:00:18Speaker 06

  Mm-hmm.

• 1:00:18Andrew Santino?

  And they were like, oh dude, yeah. And it was tens of millions of shares on different platforms. And I was shocked.

• 1:00:23Speaker 06

  Insane.

• 1:00:24Andrew Santino?

  I mean, it's rad.

• 1:00:25Speaker 06

  Right.

• 1:00:25Andrew Santino?

  More people watch the show. I love that.

• 1:00:27Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 1:00:27Andrew Santino?

  I just couldn't have chosen that one.

• 1:00:28Speaker 06

  Yeah, yeah.

• 1:00:30Andrew Santino?

  I would never have.

• 1:00:30Speaker 06

  You just never know.

• 1:00:31Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, hey, turns out-

• 1:00:32Speaker 06

  You never know. I mean, look at Hawk Tua.

• 1:00:34Andrew Santino?

  You never know.

• 1:00:35Speaker 06

  She didn't know that was gonna be her moment.

• 1:00:36Andrew Santino?

  I'm actually dating her.

• 1:00:37Speaker 06

  She was creating, oh, I didn't know.

• 1:00:38Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 1:00:39Speaker 06

  I apologize for bringing it up.

• 1:00:41Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, I, uh...

• 1:00:42Speaker 06

  It's cute. That's fun.

• 1:00:44Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, my wife was like, I think you should date her.

• 1:00:46Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 1:00:46Andrew Santino?

  Just for, for public persona thing.

• 1:00:49Speaker 06

  Yeah, and I, I think it's good. It's like a good crossover.

• 1:00:52Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, we have a similar kind of audience.

• 1:00:53Speaker 06

  She's such a force.

• 1:00:54Andrew Santino?

  She's a force to tour, tour to force. She's a force to tour.

• 1:00:57Speaker 06

  Even talking to her, it's like, you really have a good head on your shoulders. Yeah.

• 1:01:01Andrew Santino?

  She's got it. She gives a good head.

• 1:01:02Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 1:01:03Andrew Santino?

  That's her whole thing.

• 1:01:03Speaker 06

  She spit on that thing.

• 1:01:05Andrew Santino?

  She spit on that thing.

• 1:01:05Speaker 06

  Yes.

• 1:01:06Andrew Santino?

  When I saw that girl do that, and then, as soon as the clip opened up, and then you saw the world of this young lady.

• 1:01:14Andrew Santino?

  My true immediate thought was, no chance she sucks good dick.

• 1:01:17Speaker 06

  Right.

• 1:01:18Andrew Santino?

  No chance.

• 1:01:18Speaker 06

  No.

• 1:01:19Andrew Santino?

  No. I know the girl that does that thing that she's referring to. Doesn't look like her.

• 1:01:24Andrew Santino?

  I know, I know who that girl is.

• 1:01:25Speaker 06

  The girl who does that is hungry. She hungry to spit on that thing.

• 1:01:30Andrew Santino?

  She could churn, dude. The girls who have been the best at head are just so obvious about it. Like, they know they're good at head.

• 1:01:38Speaker 06

  Absolutely.

• 1:01:38Andrew Santino?

  And they push it on you.

• 1:01:39Speaker 06

  Oh yeah, they want, you're like, I'm a good-

• 1:01:41Andrew Santino?

  Nobody sucks a dick the way that I suck a dick.

• 1:01:42Speaker 06

  You're like, I'm good on the blowjob, actually. Yo, you're getting a blowjob. You're getting a blowjob.

• 1:01:49Speaker 06

  Dyson? Just the Dyson cordless stick on your fucking dick?

• 1:01:53Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, she never looked like that. I never bought it. When she said that, I was like, she doesn't, uh, this is not a-

• 1:01:58Speaker 06

  No way, no way.

• 1:01:59Andrew Santino?

  That's like, she looks like a girl that does the thing to her boyfriend where she's like, "You'll get a blowjob on Christmas and on your birthday."

• 1:02:04Speaker 06

  Hanging the blowjob over you.

• 1:02:05Andrew Santino?

  Right.

• 1:02:05Speaker 06

  Hanging a dry blowjob over you.

• 1:02:07Andrew Santino?

  You'll get two a year, that's it.

• 1:02:08Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 1:02:08Andrew Santino?

  And you're like, "Will you spit in your hand?" And she's like, "Ew."

• 1:02:11Speaker 06

  Ew, that's so weird of you to ask.

• 1:02:13Andrew Santino?

  Brian, don't be that fucking, that's gross.

• 1:02:14Speaker 06

  You're disgusting.

• 1:02:15Andrew Santino?

  Grow up.

• 1:02:16Speaker 06

  Stop, don't touch me.

• 1:02:20Speaker 06

  I love mean girlfriends, I love mean. I love like, that every relationship is like unhappy.

• 1:02:27Speaker 00

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• 1:03:26Speaker 06

  I feel like every boyfriend and girlfriend hates each other and they just stay-

• 1:03:28Andrew Santino?

  But you're happy.

• 1:03:29Speaker 06

  I'm happy.

• 1:03:29Andrew Santino?

  We're happy.

• 1:03:30Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 1:03:30Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, life is okay.

• 1:03:31Speaker 06

  But why, like, people, you ever hang out with couples? "I hate him." They're like, "I hate him."

• 1:03:36Andrew Santino?

  We talked about that this morning. We literally talked about that at breakfast. This woman that we were with, she was like- Shitting on her husband in my, in front of us.

• 1:03:43Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 1:03:43Andrew Santino?

  And I was like, what is that about?

• 1:03:44Speaker 06

  I fucking, I fucking hate him.

• 1:03:46Andrew Santino?

  No, she was like, he's such a dumb, what did I, she said, he's like, he, he's, and he can't get it, or not that he can't get it up, it was like, can't keep it up or something?

• 1:03:52Speaker 06

  Okay, TMI.

• 1:03:53Andrew Santino?

  But, and, and, and then she's like laughing it off.

• 1:03:55Speaker 06

  Mm-hmm.

• 1:03:57Andrew Santino?

  And then also he was like, shut, will you shut the fuck up? And it's like, what am I, hold on.

• 1:04:01Speaker 06

  Is it Theo?

• 1:04:02Andrew Santino?

  Is this real, yeah.

• 1:04:04Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, dude.

• 1:04:07Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, dude, I can keep it up, dude, I just hire a team of, of puppeteers to do it, dude, they string up my dick, dude.

• 1:04:13Speaker 06

  Pull it up like a marionette.

• 1:04:14Andrew Santino?

  Like a marionette, dude, make it dance, dude. Bands make them dance, dude.

• 1:04:18Speaker 06

  Make my dick do a puppet show.

• 1:04:19Andrew Santino?

  Anyway, uh, what else is going on? Uh, my guest today is political candidate.

• 1:04:25Speaker 06

  My guest today is Kim Jong-un.

• 1:04:27Andrew Santino?

  Kim Jong-un, dude.

• 1:04:29Speaker 06

  Cool, dude.

• 1:04:29Andrew Santino?

  So, uh, do you have the north and the south, dude, or just up top, dude?

• 1:04:33Speaker 06

  Just up top, dude.

• 1:04:34Andrew Santino?

  Okay, cool, dude. Have you thought about doing south? I'm from the south, dude.

• 1:04:38Speaker 06

  I'm from the, eh, the mullet.

• 1:04:40Andrew Santino?

  Good, would it, by, by the way, Theo of all people could get Kim Jong-un. He like could, and get like a legit interview.

• 1:04:45Speaker 06

  His new episode, I'm like, who is it today?

• 1:04:47Andrew Santino?

  Yeah.

• 1:04:47Speaker 06

  It's either garbage man or it's Kim Jong-un.

• 1:04:54Andrew Santino?

  He gets, he get, he, he, Kim Jong-un is like, my son really like you, Theo, so that's why I'm here. Yeah, his son is a massive Theo fan. That's how you hear all these things, like, like fucking Trump is like.

• 1:05:04Speaker 06

  Oh, yeah.

• 1:05:05Andrew Santino?

  My son loves Theo.

• 1:05:06Speaker 06

  Yeah, that Twitter was like, give it up for Baron, the unsung hero, getting his dad booked on. And some dude.

• 1:05:11Andrew Santino?

  We are living in the this most dystopian version of comedy internet.

• 1:05:15Speaker 06

  It's.

• 1:05:16Andrew Santino?

  It's the fucking weirdest thing in the world.

• 1:05:17Speaker 06

  It's bizarre.

• 1:05:18Andrew Santino?

  That's so strange.

• 1:05:19Speaker 06

  I don't know, I've, I was, not to be like, I'm like a Kamala person, if I was Kamala, whoever ran on the Democratic.

• 1:05:25Andrew Santino?

  She did do podcasts, by the way.

• 1:05:26Speaker 06

  I know, but I feel like I, you know how like when you're.

• 1:05:31Speaker 06

  I'm a woman in comedy.

• 1:05:32Andrew Santino?

  Yes.

• 1:05:32Speaker 06

  So there is a.

• 1:05:33Andrew Santino?

  For now.

• 1:05:34Speaker 06

  For now, but I have been thinking about transition.

• 1:05:36Andrew Santino?

  Do it.

• 1:05:37Speaker 06

  Just spending time in LA.

• 1:05:37Andrew Santino?

  Double dog, Daria, you're here. This is the home of it.

• 1:05:40Speaker 06

  I know. Get some tea in me?

• 1:05:42Andrew Santino?

  Mm-hmm.

• 1:05:42Speaker 06

  Hey, I'm Matt.

• 1:05:43Andrew Santino?

  I'll pump you full of, I'll get you some tea, we gotta, get the vial of tea.

• 1:05:46Speaker 06

  I'm Matt, nice to meet you. You ever see when the girls turn into men and they turn into like, kinda wiggers?

• 1:05:56Speaker 06

  I'm like, damn, you're kinda like, kinda like stylish and intellectual before and now I'm like, wow, you really turned into like a-

• 1:06:02Andrew Santino?

  What up, bro?

• 1:06:03Speaker 06

  What's up, dude?

• 1:06:04Andrew Santino?

  What's up, dog? The fuck is that about, bro?

• 1:06:06Speaker 06

  But, uh-

• 1:06:07Andrew Santino?

  Changed their entire vernacular?

• 1:06:08Speaker 06

  Yeah, changed like their whole thing.

• 1:06:10Andrew Santino?

  That shit is fire as fuck, bro.

• 1:06:11Speaker 06

  Now they, they wear clothes from like Champ's Sporting Goods.

• 1:06:16Speaker 06

  What is this? It's funny watching people transition.

• 1:06:19Andrew Santino?

  You were like an Ann Taylor girl. What is this?

• 1:06:21Speaker 06

  What is this?

• 1:06:22Andrew Santino?

  Now you're wearing FUBU?

• 1:06:23Speaker 06

  But then also when guys transition into girls, they wear like, funny, it's funny to, not all, I sound transphobic. I sound transphobic, but there's no style. At first they're just wearing guys or wearing girls, any clothing.

• 1:06:34Andrew Santino?

  Sure.

• 1:06:35Speaker 06

  So they'll be like, "It's a dress!" I'm like, "It's fucking ugly."

• 1:06:42Speaker 06

  You know when girls lose weight and then they like just wear like any clothing that fits? But there's no style to it. It's just like, "Dress!"

• 1:06:48Andrew Santino?

  Dress!

• 1:06:48Speaker 06

  Dress!

• 1:06:49Andrew Santino?

  Give me dress!

• 1:06:50Speaker 06

  Yes! I'm woman now! So anyway, what I was gonna say about, I feel like, if I was Kamala, I would be like, "It's a man's, it's a man's-" Why, if I'm running for president, I shouldn't have to do these, this man's game podcast world.

• 1:07:03Andrew Santino?

  Do the girls game?

• 1:07:05Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 1:07:06Andrew Santino?

  Which is what?

• 1:07:09Speaker 06

  Freaking brat, brat?

• 1:07:11Andrew Santino?

  Big brat?

• 1:07:12Speaker 06

  It's big brat summer. I guess that's what she did, yeah.

• 1:07:15Andrew Santino?

  Hey, bitches. I'm here with fucking Kamala fucking Harris. And this crazy cunt's running for president.

• 1:07:21Speaker 09

  This crazy cunt?

• 1:07:22Speaker 08

  This sounds like Tony Hinchcliffe.

• 1:07:24Speaker 09

  Yes, it does. Our first guest tonight on The Kill Tony, greatest fucking panel in the world.

• 1:07:31Andrew Santino?

  I only like half of her.

• 1:07:35Andrew Santino?

  The white half.

• 1:07:36Speaker 09

  The white half.

• 1:07:37Andrew Santino?

  Ladies and fucking gentlemen.

• 1:07:39Speaker 06

  Is she white? I thought she was black and Indian. Is she part white? You, am I stupid as fuck?

• 1:07:42Andrew Santino?

  Dude, no. Yeah, she's not white.

• 1:07:44Speaker 06

  Oh, sorry. Or is she white?

• 1:07:46Andrew Santino?

  No!

• 1:07:46Speaker 06

  Wait, her daughter's a stepdaughter, right?

• 1:07:48Andrew Santino?

  Stepdaughter.

• 1:07:49Speaker 06

  Ella, Emma, or whatever.

• 1:07:50Andrew Santino?

  Her husband's white.

• 1:07:51Speaker 06

  And that's her-

• 1:07:52Andrew Santino?

  Shame, shame, shame!

• 1:07:54Speaker 06

  I think she lost because of her daughter.

• 1:07:55Andrew Santino?

  I think she lost because she married a white guy.

• 1:07:57Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 1:07:57Andrew Santino?

  A white dork.

• 1:07:59Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 1:07:59Andrew Santino?

  That guy's fucking dorky as shit, dude.

• 1:08:01Speaker 06

  I mean, look at fucking Serena Williams.

• 1:08:04Andrew Santino?

  She married a white dork too?

• 1:08:06Speaker 06

  White dork.

• 1:08:06Andrew Santino?

  Can't marry a white dork dude.

• 1:08:07Speaker 06

  Bad white dork.

• 1:08:08Andrew Santino?

  There's no, there's no game with white dorks.

• 1:08:09Speaker 06

  She's married a white dork and she's, you know, crip walking with Kendrick.

• 1:08:12Andrew Santino?

  That's the weirdest shit in the world. Yeah, that was very weird.

• 1:08:15Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 1:08:16Andrew Santino?

  Also, she's crip walking, and correct me if I'm wrong. Somebody told me her brother was shot by a crip.

• 1:08:22Speaker 06

  Oh.

• 1:08:23Andrew Santino?

  I'm not kidding. You know she's from Compton. Google that.

• 1:08:26Speaker 06

  I think I read that after about-

• 1:08:28Andrew Santino?

  That like her brother was killed in gang warfare.

• 1:08:30Speaker 06

  Right.

• 1:08:31Andrew Santino?

  And she's crip walking, and you're like, wait, what? You, are you crip walking and your family was killed by a fucking, is that true? This might be all internet fodder. But she was crip walking at the Super Bowl. And her brother did die in gang warfare here in Compton. That is true. I don't know who killed him.

• 1:08:47Speaker 08

  He was struck by a gunshot that seemingly came out of nowhere. It could have been assumedly gang-related, but also doesn't, I don't know.

• 1:08:55Speaker 06

  Okay.

• 1:08:55Andrew Santino?

  Oh yeah dude, all these stray bullets just accidentally flying around town. Yeah dude, I was just at the intersection and, no dude, that's clearly gang warfare.

• 1:09:04Speaker 06

  It's gangs.

• 1:09:05Andrew Santino?

  A stray bullet, yeah, maybe it wasn't aimed for him, but he was around a gang and was killed that was meant to kill another person. Yeah, look at the, the articles are, yeah.

• 1:09:14Speaker 06

  Unless it was an ice raid.

• 1:09:16Andrew Santino?

  Oh yeah.

• 1:09:17Speaker 06

  Ice raid.

• 1:09:18Andrew Santino?

  Ice, ice raiding.

• 1:09:20Speaker 06

  Ice, ice raidy.

• 1:09:21Andrew Santino?

  We're really touching all the hot topics today.

• 1:09:23Speaker 06

  I know. This is topical as fuck.

• 1:09:25Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, we gotta stay topical dude. That's what we gotta do.

• 1:09:27Speaker 06

  We gotta be on a Tel Aviv.

• 1:09:32Speaker 06

  I ran.

• 1:09:33Andrew Santino?

  Maddy Smith for governor, Maddy Smith for governor of California.

• 1:09:36Speaker 06

  I'll blow fucking Gavin out of the water.

• 1:09:37Andrew Santino?

  Get over here dude, we need you.

• 1:09:39Speaker 06

  I saw Tim Dillon at the stand last night. And uh-

• 1:09:42Andrew Santino?

  Oh, he's back in New York.

• 1:09:44Speaker 06

  I meant to say the Comedy Store.

• 1:09:45Andrew Santino?

  Oh, he's here. I was just gonna say. I was like, I don't know when he went back.

• 1:09:48Speaker 06

  I don't know why I meant to say that.

• 1:09:49Andrew Santino?

  I stayed at his house.

• 1:09:49Speaker 06

  But, really?

• 1:09:50Andrew Santino?

  Out in the-

• 1:09:51Speaker 06

  It seems, probably not. I went to his house in the Hamptons last year for the-

• 1:09:54Andrew Santino?

  That's what I'm saying, the Glampins.

• 1:09:54Speaker 06

  Oh yeah, yeah, yeah. So fun.

• 1:09:56Andrew Santino?

  Loved it.

• 1:09:56Speaker 06

  So fun.

• 1:09:57Andrew Santino?

  What a fun little vacation.

• 1:09:58Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 1:09:59Andrew Santino?

  I wanna live out there.

• 1:10:00Speaker 06

  Grass, grass, pool. I love a pool and grass.

• 1:10:02Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, pool and grass.

• 1:10:02Speaker 06

  Yes.

• 1:10:03Andrew Santino?

  Pool and grass is king shit.

• 1:10:04Speaker 06

  Oh, so nice.

• 1:10:05Andrew Santino?

  One day.

• 1:10:06Speaker 06

  Tim was like, I know it's, I know it seems funny, but it is getting bad. It's, it's actually bad out there.

• 1:10:13Andrew Santino?

  He's right though.

• 1:10:13Speaker 06

  People think it's funny, but I do wanna tell people like, it's bad.

• 1:10:18Speaker 06

  It's bad.

• 1:10:19Andrew Santino?

  It is confusing. I don't know what to do, what to do. You know what? You just stay on tour.

• 1:10:22Speaker 06

  I don't know. Yeah, you stay touring.

• 1:10:24Andrew Santino?

  That's what you're doing.

• 1:10:24Speaker 06

  Just booked Soul Joes today, fucking came over.

• 1:10:26Andrew Santino?

  Soul Joes.

• 1:10:27Speaker 06

  See you in Pennsylvania.

• 1:10:28Andrew Santino?

  And what about special?

• 1:10:30Speaker 06

  I'm gonna film one in the fall. Thirty minutes.

• 1:10:33Andrew Santino?

  You know what you're gonna call it?

• 1:10:34Speaker 06

  Fucking bitch ass suck my dick fucker.

• 1:10:38Andrew Santino?

  No lip, no lip. What was the thing they called you? Lipless asses?

• 1:10:42Speaker 06

  Lipless flat ass bitch.

• 1:10:43Andrew Santino?

  Lipless flat ass bitch.

• 1:10:44Speaker 06

  Or a thin lip, flat ass bitch.

• 1:10:46Andrew Santino?

  That's kinda funny.

• 1:10:46Speaker 06

  That's fun.

• 1:10:47Andrew Santino?

  That's actually very fun.

• 1:10:47Speaker 06

  That's fun. You two will have to think about, you know, sort of monetization purposes, the worst use of the word bitch in this title.

• 1:10:55Andrew Santino?

  Every agent.

• 1:10:55Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 1:10:56Andrew Santino?

  I like that you're bold and you're daring.

• 1:10:57Speaker 06

  What I like, you compliment sandwich.

• 1:10:59Andrew Santino?

  Yeah. We love.

• 1:11:01Speaker 06

  I don't have a manager, but I've been having people wanting to manage me.

• 1:11:04Andrew Santino?

  Yeah.

• 1:11:04Speaker 06

  Every single, every single meeting, huge fans. Huge fans. But they never say like what they like about you.

• 1:11:10Andrew Santino?

  No, but what do you?

• 1:11:11Speaker 06

  They say huge fan.

• 1:11:12Andrew Santino?

  But it's what an innocuous statement. Huge fans.

• 1:11:14Speaker 06

  Huge fans.

• 1:11:14Andrew Santino?

  What does that mean?

• 1:11:15Speaker 06

  We've been watching you for a while, Maddy.

• 1:11:17Andrew Santino?

  I don't like that.

• 1:11:17Speaker 06

  We're fans.

• 1:11:18Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, we've, we've hacked into your Ring camera. We see you come in and out of your own home. Why do you have me so? I don't, I don't, yeah. Managers, agents, all the, they're all.

• 1:11:27Speaker 06

  They're all funny. They're all funny.

• 1:11:28Andrew Santino?

  They're all awful people. What do you mean? They're the worst people in the world.

• 1:11:31Speaker 06

  I know, but it's, it's just funny the way they talk.

• 1:11:33Andrew Santino?

  Scumbags.

• 1:11:34Speaker 06

  And talk.

• 1:11:34Andrew Santino?

  My agents will listen to this sometimes and they're like, what is all that about?

• 1:11:37Speaker 06

  Oh, they listen. Yeah, they listen.

• 1:11:39Andrew Santino?

  You're scumbags. You're scumbags. You're literally stealing money from me.

• 1:11:41Speaker 06

  I had a, I dropped my manager in December because of a podcast thing.

• 1:11:45Andrew Santino?

  God bless.

• 1:11:46Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 1:11:47Andrew Santino?

  Get him out.

• 1:11:47Speaker 06

  Yeah, bye.

• 1:11:48Andrew Santino?

  I actually do love my agent, I will say that.

• 1:11:50Speaker 06

  I like my agents, but I don't.

• 1:11:51Andrew Santino?

  But I mean, there is, but it is a thing that I would, you know, the old phrase is.

• 1:11:57Andrew Santino?

  Performers will sit around and go, about agents, they'll go, can you believe we gotta give these guys fucking 10%? And then agents will sit around talking about performers go, can you believe we gotta give these guys 90%? It's like, that's the mentality.

• 1:12:08Speaker 06

  Hilarious.

• 1:12:08Andrew Santino?

  But that is the truth. That they're like, we gotta, you know, we gotta fucking share the money with these fucking idiots? And you're like, what I'm, this is, I did it. But that is the relationship we will always forever have. That's why it's just like. If you like someone you're with, you love them, but you're also like, fuck you.

• 1:12:23Speaker 06

  You know, it's like a business thing.

• 1:12:24Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, it's all business. Yeah. And we have to do it.

• 1:12:27Speaker 09

  We have to do it.

• 1:12:28Andrew Santino?

  We don't have a choice but to be in the business.

• 1:12:29Speaker 09

  No, no, no. It's good. It's good. You gotta stay in. You gotta stay in the circuit.

• 1:12:32Andrew Santino?

  Cause I wanna go, I wanna continue.

• 1:12:33Speaker 09

  I would love to continue.

• 1:12:34Andrew Santino?

  And I want my fans, those of you that are still here after all of the stuff that we've said that's offended everybody under the sun.

• 1:12:40Speaker 06

  Like today on this episode?

• 1:12:41Andrew Santino?

  Today on this episode.

• 1:12:42Speaker 06

  I kinda got a little flagrant, too.

• 1:12:46Andrew Santino?

  Come out, Andrew. Come out, Andrew. What if Schultz came out with Charlamagne? Yeah, right? Just popped out of the wall on here? Explain what you meant about all that black shit that you were talking about.

• 1:12:57Speaker 06

  Hilarious. Was that Charlamagne or Schultz?

• 1:12:59Andrew Santino?

  Both. They morph. You know, they switch.

• 1:13:02Speaker 06

  Right.

• 1:13:02Andrew Santino?

  You've never seen them in the same, never seen them on camera at the same time. It's always singles. It's always singles. Think about that.

• 1:13:08Speaker 06

  Yep. I did notice that.

• 1:13:10Andrew Santino?

  You're on tour, tell the people the dates. Look, this'll come out probably in like six or seven months.

• 1:13:15Speaker 06

  Okay, great. So I'll be dead by then.

• 1:13:17Andrew Santino?

  You'll be dead.

• 1:13:17Speaker 06

  I'll be mad by then.

• 1:13:18Andrew Santino?

  You'll be mad.

• 1:13:19Speaker 06

  Yeah, I'll be transitioned.

• 1:13:20Andrew Santino?

  Just wearing champs clothing.

• 1:13:21Speaker 06

  Dude, I'm on fucking tour.

• 1:13:23Andrew Santino?

  You're on the road forever.

• 1:13:23Speaker 06

  I'm on the road, so...

• 1:13:24Andrew Santino?

  MaddieSmith.com?

• 1:13:25Speaker 06

  maddysmithcomedy.com.

• 1:13:27Andrew Santino?

  So annoying that you couldn't get the original.

• 1:13:28Speaker 06

  I know.

• 1:13:29Andrew Santino?

  Who has it? Some dickhead?

• 1:13:30Speaker 06

  I think it's like, it's either like some girl who's in high school who's like a singer. Singer. And then there was an old actor from 1940 whose name was Madeline Smith.

• 1:13:39Andrew Santino?

  Oh, that's kinda tight, though.

• 1:13:40Speaker 06

  But I think I wiped her off the Google of my name, like...

• 1:13:43Andrew Santino?

  She gone.

• 1:13:43Speaker 06

  She used to appear and now it's, "Bitch."

• 1:13:46Andrew Santino?

  Number one.

• 1:13:46Speaker 09

  Suckin' my dick, uh.

• 1:13:47Andrew Santino?

  Nice try, bitch.

• 1:13:48Speaker 06

  Yeah, maddysmithcomedy.com, always touring. I got a podcast. It's called Mad House.

• 1:13:52Andrew Santino?

  Mad House.

• 1:13:53Speaker 06

  And my socia's are So Maddy Smith.

• 1:13:55Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, why So Maddy Smith? Like soma?

• 1:13:57Speaker 06

  Cause Maddy Smith was taken.

• 1:13:59Andrew Santino?

  So, so Maddy Smith.

• 1:14:00Speaker 06

  Yeah, so it's like, that's So Maddy Smith.

• 1:14:03Andrew Santino?

  You, I thought about somas. The pills? Somas? Aren't they called somas? Whenever I saw your name on Instagram, I always thought of that. Is that what it's called?

• 1:14:12Speaker 06

  Yeah, like the O being the oven.

• 1:14:15Andrew Santino?

  Soma pills.

• 1:14:16Speaker 08

  Yeah, muscle relaxer?

• 1:14:17Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, muscle relaxer.

• 1:14:17Speaker 06

  Oh, yeah. Okay, yeah.

• 1:14:19Andrew Santino?

  Yeah.

• 1:14:20Speaker 06

  Soma, Soma Smith.

• 1:14:21Andrew Santino?

  Yeah. Yeah, my, the girl I saw in college used to love these fucking things.

• 1:14:25Speaker 06

  Really?

• 1:14:26Andrew Santino?

  Loved them, dude. She loved muscle relaxers.

• 1:14:29Speaker 06

  Was part of it for pooping too? Or no?

• 1:14:32Andrew Santino?

  That's interesting you say that.

• 1:14:34Speaker 06

  Cause bitches love like.

• 1:14:35Andrew Santino?

  She died of colon cancer, that's interesting you say that. No, I'm kidding.

• 1:14:37Speaker 06

  Oh, my god.

• 1:14:38Andrew Santino?

  That's so fucked up to say. No, no, she loved muscle relaxers. I think she, I do, I think she really, have you taken muscle relaxers before?

• 1:14:44Speaker 06

  But I know bitches love like.

• 1:14:46Andrew Santino?

  I gotta be honest with you.

• 1:14:46Speaker 06

  It feels good.

• 1:14:47Andrew Santino?

  They're fucking the most rad. You, you feel like Jell-O. You feel Jell-O. It's probably the closest you can get to heroin.

• 1:14:53Speaker 06

  But is it a controlled subs, like you have to get it at a pharmacy? Stupid question.

• 1:14:57Andrew Santino?

  You have to get a prescription for, for muscle relaxers, yeah.

• 1:14:59Speaker 06

  Is it controlled like the same way like oxies or?

• 1:15:01Andrew Santino?

  Like, like opioids?

• 1:15:02Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 1:15:02Andrew Santino?

  Yeah.

• 1:15:03Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 1:15:03Andrew Santino?

  Yeah.

• 1:15:04Speaker 06

  Cause I've done, I've done, you know, when I had surgery, I got oxies and fire.

• 1:15:08Andrew Santino?

  Fire.

• 1:15:08Speaker 06

  You start to understand the epidemic.

• 1:15:10Andrew Santino?

  Hundred percent.

• 1:15:10Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 1:15:11Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, I bet you, I've never done fentanyl, but I bet it's fucking rad.

• 1:15:14Speaker 06

  Bet it's rad as fuck.

• 1:15:15Andrew Santino?

  I bet it's rad. There's no chance you're slumped over on Kingston in Philly if it doesn't feel that good.

• 1:15:19Speaker 06

  Yeah, exactly.

• 1:15:20Andrew Santino?

  You know, you see that and you're like, fuck dude. But I wrote a bad joke about that when I was driving on the road about that. I saw a guy, when I woke up and walked out of my hotel in Philly, a guy that was like completely bent over. And as a forty-one-year-old white guy, I got jealous of his flexion. I was like, that guy can touch his toes? That's so dope. I might get on Fent just to be able to touch my toes again.

• 1:15:42Speaker 06

  Yeah, yeah, his muscles are lean.

• 1:15:45Andrew Santino?

  He doesn't have a herniated disc.

• 1:15:46Speaker 06

  Mm-mm.

• 1:15:47Andrew Santino?

  He's been stretching.

• 1:15:48Speaker 06

  Mm-mm, yeah, he's doing it.

• 1:15:48Andrew Santino?

  Imagine how good Fent got, Fent, Fent people would be so good in yoga.

• 1:15:52Speaker 06

  Oh, yeah.

• 1:15:52Andrew Santino?

  They'd kill, like Pilates, a Fenty would kill it in Pilates.

• 1:15:55Speaker 06

  They could easily do, um, pigeon pose.

• 1:15:57Andrew Santino?

  Pigeon pose all day, dude.

• 1:16:00Speaker 06

  Happy baby.

• 1:16:01Andrew Santino?

  Happy baby.

• 1:16:04Andrew Santino?

  Dude, walking past a guy just fucking, just zoning on fentanyl being like, happy baby?

• 1:16:09Speaker 06

  Happy baby.

• 1:16:10Andrew Santino?

  Oh, he was drooling out. It is an epidemic, and if you need help, please call this number down below.

• 1:16:17Andrew Santino?

  Insane.

• 1:16:17Speaker 06

  We have to say it.

• 1:16:18Andrew Santino?

  We do, we have to say it, if you need help. Everything we've said on the show is not real, it's all fake.

• 1:16:23Speaker 06

  It's all fake, we're both AI.

• 1:16:25Andrew Santino?

  We're just kidding around.

• 1:16:26Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 1:16:26Andrew Santino?

  Guys, we're just joking.

• 1:16:27Speaker 06

  It's a fucking joke.

• 1:16:28Andrew Santino?

  It's a effin' joke. Go to maddysmithcomedy.com, go see Maddy Smith, one of the, uh, one of the funniest comedians touring right now. Very funny, very sweet, very lovable, and reminds me of my own family, so it's... It's a part of my heart.

• 1:16:42Speaker 06

  Feels like home.

• 1:16:43Andrew Santino?

  Thank you for coming up before you go down tonight, you're going to Brea, right?

• 1:16:45Speaker 06

  Yeah, I'm going to Brea, two nights.

• 1:16:47Andrew Santino?

  Two shows?

• 1:16:48Speaker 06

  You coming, you wanna do a guest spot?

• 1:16:50Andrew Santino?

  Oh, ma- um, no. No. Wait, what is it, you're doing two shows?

• 1:16:55Speaker 06

  Uh, just one.

• 1:16:56Andrew Santino?

  The one show?

• 1:16:57Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 1:16:57Andrew Santino?

  8pm?

• 1:16:58Speaker 06

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 1:16:59Andrew Santino?

  Okay.

• 1:16:59Speaker 06

  Yeah, should we go, did San Jose on Sunday, too, it was cool.

• 1:17:03Andrew Santino?

  San Jose Improv?

• 1:17:03Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 1:17:04Andrew Santino?

  Who's doing, um, Brea with you tonight?

• 1:17:06Speaker 06

  Uh, I got Shayna Rabani, do you know her?

• 1:17:08Andrew Santino?

  No.

• 1:17:09Speaker 06

  She's kinda, she moved here from Ohio, she lives in LA now.

• 1:17:11Andrew Santino?

  They all move here from Ohio.

• 1:17:12Speaker 06

  I know, yeah.

• 1:17:13Andrew Santino?

  Yeah.

• 1:17:13Speaker 06

  And then, uh, I don't know, someone's hosting and blah, blah, blah.

• 1:17:16Andrew Santino?

  A local is hosting?

• 1:17:16Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 1:17:17Andrew Santino?

  Hope you get a good look.

• 1:17:18Speaker 06

  I know, we'll see.

• 1:17:19Andrew Santino?

  You always want a good look.

• 1:17:20Speaker 06

  I know.

• 1:17:20Andrew Santino?

  You hope. You have any rules for the feature in the opener, just so I know?

• 1:17:24Speaker 06

  No.

• 1:17:24Andrew Santino?

  No.

• 1:17:25Speaker 06

  No, just have fun, try not to bomb, and if you do bomb, don't make it about yourself.

• 1:17:28Andrew Santino?

  Do you say like, don't do crowd work and all that shit, or you don't give a fuck?

• 1:17:31Speaker 06

  No, I don't give a fuck.

• 1:17:32Andrew Santino?

  You have no rules?

• 1:17:32Speaker 06

  I have no rules, other than, um, other than like, just like, try to have a good set, and if you don't have a good set, don't make it about you when you get back.

• 1:17:40Andrew Santino?

  Right.

• 1:17:41Speaker 06

  That's my pet peeve, is like, if a feature bombs, they, or a host bombs, like, in front of me, as I'm about to go up, I fucking hated them.

• 1:17:48Andrew Santino?

  It's like, I don't have that energy.

• 1:17:49Speaker 06

  Silent, you need to be silent when you get off and bomb. You can bomb, it's all good, I'm not like a hard ass, like, out, if you have a bad set, but don't be goo goo ga ga.

• 1:17:57Andrew Santino?

  No, get, no, well, I think, yeah, I mean, I have a couple of rules, I'm pretty lenient. But I say, don't be dirty for the sake of being dirty, write a good joke.

• 1:18:04Speaker 06

  Okay, yeah.

• 1:18:05Andrew Santino?

  If it's a dirty joke, make it a good dirty joke.

• 1:18:06Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 1:18:07Andrew Santino?

  Don't just be dirty for the sake of being dirty.

• 1:18:08Speaker 06

  Totally.

• 1:18:09Andrew Santino?

  It's silly.

• 1:18:09Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 1:18:09Andrew Santino?

  If it's in a joke, it's good.

• 1:18:10Speaker 06

  Totally.

• 1:18:11Andrew Santino?

  And also, I say to my host and my feature, um... The hosts warm them up, like ingratiate a little bit up top, but then get right into jokes.

• 1:18:20Speaker 06

  Okay, yeah.

• 1:18:20Andrew Santino?

  And don't do crowd work for either of them.

• 1:18:22Speaker 06

  Really?

• 1:18:23Andrew Santino?

  Yeah.

• 1:18:23Speaker 06

  And do you do crowd work or not?

• 1:18:24Andrew Santino?

  No, I don't.

• 1:18:25Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 1:18:26Andrew Santino?

  No, I don't, and I think the reason I do, and I, you know, sometimes I'll talk to the crowd if I'm doing a club run, I will sometimes, but not really, I mean, I'm not really a crowd work guy.

• 1:18:33Speaker 06

  I'm kinda similar. I, um, used to do a lot more, and now there's shows that I get off, I didn't even look at them.

• 1:18:38Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, I'm not interested in talking to these pigs. No.

• 1:18:40Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 1:18:40Andrew Santino?

  No, I just, no, I just, no, truthfully, it's not part of my zeitgeist anymore. I don't really, it's not in my world.

• 1:18:46Speaker 06

  It used, I feel like when I, I maybe was on the road too early.

• 1:18:49Andrew Santino?

  Yeah.

• 1:18:49Speaker 06

  So I'd be begging for the life.

• 1:18:50Andrew Santino?

  Well, you need the time.

• 1:18:51Speaker 06

  But, yeah.

• 1:18:52Andrew Santino?

  But I think there's nothing wrong with it, but I always say to features and hosts, I always say like, if your job is to grow as a comedian, and you're with me to get more spots and to grow in the business, the only way that I think you'll do that is if you're writing a lot of material and you're continuing to work to grow as a comic.

• 1:19:10Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 1:19:11Andrew Santino?

  Cause just growing as a crowd work, as a person who does crowd work, that's never gonna help you.

• 1:19:15Speaker 06

  Yeah, agreed.

• 1:19:16Andrew Santino?

  So I, so I always, I, I say that to every host and feature, I say like, you know, if someone engages with you, yeah, I'm not saying don't do any, I'm just saying, do your best to get up there and just do your best shit.

• 1:19:27Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 1:19:28Andrew Santino?

  Cause it's only gonna show off to the managers and the people who run the clubs and, to go, hey dude, you should come back and do your own solo if you can do an on and off night.

• 1:19:34Speaker 06

  Totally.

• 1:19:35Andrew Santino?

  That was always kinda my goal. I was like, don't do crowd work if you, I don't, it's not that I don't want you to, it's more, I think it's gonna be better if you don't.

• 1:19:41Speaker 06

  I, I totally agree.

• 1:19:42Andrew Santino?

  Go smash your 15. Go do like a killer fucking set.

• 1:19:45Speaker 06

  Smash it. Smash.

• 1:19:45Andrew Santino?

  And that way people are like, damn dude.

• 1:19:47Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 1:19:47Andrew Santino?

  She was fucking good.

• 1:19:49Speaker 06

  Agreed.

• 1:19:50Andrew Santino?

  So I think I've always brought people that just kinda, you know, Zach Townsend just went out with me, you know, he's been going out with me.

• 1:19:55Speaker 06

  Shout out horny Batman.

• 1:19:56Andrew Santino?

  Love him, dude. And Laura Peak, who's a fucking killer, you know?

• 1:19:59Speaker 06

  Two Nashville killers.

• 1:20:00Andrew Santino?

  And then, and then Chris O'Connor, one of my closest homies, like, I think we just kinda like, everyone I ever wanted to work with was like, Just write jokes and then that's so much stronger if you just write jokes.

• 1:20:10Speaker 06

  Just write jokes and then like, I was always like, how do I want my 40s and 50s to look? I want people to be like, what's she's, what's her new jokes?

• 1:20:17Andrew Santino?

  What's the new shit?

• 1:20:18Speaker 06

  Not the new crowd work.

• 1:20:19Andrew Santino?

  Right.

• 1:20:20Speaker 06

  Not the crowd work.

• 1:20:21Andrew Santino?

  And it's okay if you touch them a little bit, if you say a little, hey, you know, if you do the little thing.

• 1:20:24Speaker 06

  It depends what you like. If you like to write jokes and you want to get better writing jokes, then do that now.

• 1:20:28Andrew Santino?

  As a stand-up.

• 1:20:28Speaker 06

  Live the life now that you want to, that you want it to be later.

• 1:20:32Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, I always look at the people I admire, I'm like, what do they do? Louis, not really in the crowd much. Not really in the crowd much. Chappelle's not really... Chappelle will be in the crowd if he does a long, long, long set, but he's still giving you a lot of jokes.

• 1:20:44Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 1:20:45Andrew Santino?

  And those are my heroes. Louis, Chappelle, and Matt Rife.

• 1:20:50Andrew Santino?

  I love Matthew. Look, he made an entire career out of it, but that's the problem with Matt. I've told him, I said, dude, you've done such a great job, you've influenced another generation of people who think they can do what you do.

• 1:20:58Speaker 06

  Yes, they do.

• 1:20:59Andrew Santino?

  That's a bummer.

• 1:20:59Speaker 06

  And now people are posing Crowder clips from open mics.

• 1:21:01Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, and I said, and Matt's very good and talented, so you're like, your ease of this makes other people think they could. That's the only bummer.

• 1:21:08Speaker 06

  I know.

• 1:21:09Andrew Santino?

  It's the same way where every dickhead guy watches like a professional athlete and they're like, come on.

• 1:21:13Speaker 06

  Easy.

• 1:21:14Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, you're like, are you out of your fucking mind?

• 1:21:15Speaker 06

  Honey, I bought golf clubs.

• 1:21:19Andrew Santino?

  That should have been the name of my special, Honey, I Bought Golf Clubs.

• 1:21:21Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 1:21:22Andrew Santino?

  Honey?

• 1:21:23Speaker 06

  Honey?

• 1:21:23Andrew Santino?

  I bought golf clubs.

• 1:21:24Speaker 06

  I'm the next Dustin Johnson.

• 1:21:27Andrew Santino?

  Thought I fucked up the name.

• 1:21:28Speaker 06

  Right.

• 1:21:28Andrew Santino?

  I'm the next Dustin Jansen.

• 1:21:29Speaker 06

  Yeah, he's good.

• 1:21:30Andrew Santino?

  Yes, you are, sweetheart.

• 1:21:31Speaker 06

  I love that Gretzky girl.

• 1:21:32Andrew Santino?

  Now eat your peas. I love that Gretzky girl. Go see this talented, young comedian before she gets so big and she's on the fent.

• 1:21:43Speaker 06

  Yeah, before I'm on the fent and before you can't afford my arena tour.

• 1:21:48Andrew Santino?

  So gross. Matty'sWithComedy.com. We end the episode the same way, look into that camera right there, say one word or one phrase to end the episode, whenever you're ready. Say it again.

• 1:21:57Speaker 06

  Diaper?

• 1:21:58Andrew Santino?

  Diaper?

• 1:21:58Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 1:21:59Andrew Santino?

  Yeah.

• 1:21:59Speaker 06

  I don't know.

• 1:22:00Andrew Santino?

  No, no, that was great.

• 1:22:01Speaker 06

  I was really going with the improv thing.

• 1:22:02Andrew Santino?

  That was great.

• 1:22:03Speaker 06

  I'm not wearing one.

• 1:22:04Andrew Santino?

  That's enough.

• 1:22:04Speaker 06

  Um, okay, yeah.

• 1:22:08Speaker 02

  In here, we pour whiskey, whiskey, whiskey, whiskey, whiskey.

• 1:22:14Speaker 03

  Who are that creature in the ginger beard?

• 1:22:16Speaker 04

  Sturdy and ginger.

• 1:22:18Speaker 03

  Like vampires, the ginger gene is a curse.

• 1:22:20Speaker 04

  Gingers are beautiful. You owe me five dollars for the whiskey, seventy-five dollars for the horse. Gingers, oh hell no. The whiskey is excellent. Ginger. I like gingers.