Saving Society w/ Francis Ellis!

Are You Garbage teams up with stand up comedian Francis Ellis to help save society! You Know Francis Ellis from stand up comedy, Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast w/ Shane Gillis, Tires, Surviving Barstool, Bussin' with the Boys, Fore Play Golf, Stuff Island, Francis & Dana Talk, Son of a Boy Dad and so much more! Thanks for watching AYG Comedy Podcast. Love youse guys. Come to a live show! AYG 2025 Tour Tickets: https://punchup.live/areyougarbage/tickets Live Shows: https://punchup.live/areyougarbage/tickets PATREON: https://www.patreon.com/AreYouGarbage MERCH: https://areyougarbage.com/ Sponsored By: Sheath: https://Sheath.com Promo Code: Garbage Rocket Money: https://RocketMoney.com/GARBAGE Comedians H. Foley and Kevin Ryan are self proclaimed GARBAGE. Each week a new stand up comedian gets put to the test. Steal shampoo from hotels? Own a George Foreman Grill? Ever worn JNCO Jeans? Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Speaker names marked ? are inferred from speaking time and the show’s known hosts — they are not voice-verified.

• 0:00H. Foley?

  Hey gang, if you haven't gotten your tickets for the Back on the Block Tour, do yourself a favor and grab them now because they're going fast.

• 0:05Speaker 01

  Yeah, we've already added a second show in Pontiac, Michigan. We got a low-ticket alert in Indy, Madison, Minneapolis, Pittsburgh, Cleveland. Get them tickies now. We'll see you out there.

• 0:14H. Foley?

  AreYouGarbage.com.

• 0:16Speaker 02

  Welcome to another exciting edition of Are You Garbage? The show where you find out if your favorite comedians are classy individuals or absolute trash. Now, here are your hosts, Kevin Ryan and H. Foley.

• 0:35H. Foley?

  Hey, everybody out there and welcome back to everybody's favorite podcast. This is Are You Garbage?

• 0:41Speaker 01

  Oh, yeah.

• 0:41H. Foley?

  It's that little show we sit down with your favorite comedians and we find that they're going to be classy.

• 0:45Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 0:46H. Foley?

  Or just a big old piece of trash.

• 0:48Speaker 01

  Classy.

• 0:48H. Foley?

  I'm your host, H. Foley, coming at you on a beautiful day. We're out back here at Tooties in a new edition. She finally got the Christmas tree down.

• 0:55Speaker 01

  Okay.

• 0:55H. Foley?

  Went straight to the St. Patrick's Day decorations.

• 0:57Speaker 01

  Okay.

• 0:58H. Foley?

  Beginning of February.

• 1:00Speaker 01

  Sure.

• 1:00H. Foley?

  And you're getting after her pretty quick.

• 1:01Speaker 01

  Uh huh.

• 1:02H. Foley?

  Alright, fair enough. My co-host is coming at you from right next to me, unfortunately. He is the CEO of Are You Garbage. He is an international businessman and my best pal in the whole wide world. Give it up for KJ, Kevin James Ryan, everybody.

• 1:14Speaker 01

  Hey, what's up, gang? Shout out to you. Thanks for tuning in. As always, please make sure you rate, review, subscribe on iTunes. Full video available on YouTube and full video available on Spotify now. The boys got called up to the big leagues by Spotify. Full video available. Check that out. Then, obviously, the greatest website of all time, www.patreon.com/areyougarbage. You get all your bonus content needs over there. And the boys are on a roll. Get your tickets to a live show, gang.

• 1:35H. Foley?

  Come see us, gang. Good times. And we couldn't be more excited to have our incredibly, and I mean incredibly special, guest back with us again today. First time in the new edition.

• 1:43Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:43H. Foley?

  He's an old pal of ours, one of the stars over there in that Barstool universe over there. And you can hear him every week on his amazing podcast, Son of a Boy Dad. Give it up for Francis Ellis, everybody.

• 1:53Speaker 01

  Yay!

• 1:54Speaker 03

  Thank you, guys.

• 1:55H. Foley?

  Prim, proper, clean, sharp, sharp shirt. What's that, a Flaherty?

• 2:01Speaker 01

  Eyes on, what are you banging?

• 2:03H. Foley?

  What is it?

• 2:04Speaker 03

  This is barber. They make coats more known for their coats.

• 2:08Speaker 01

  Yeah, classy. I, yeah.

• 2:10H. Foley?

  Well, you get something like that, lower your side.

• 2:12Speaker 03

  Hold on a second.

• 2:13Speaker 01

  Barbers were like a, I had, I got a barber coat at a store I didn't belong in. I was with my wife trying to impress her.

• 2:19H. Foley?

  It was a Sears.

• 2:20Speaker 01

  And uh, he looks like, "Are you wearing a barber jacket?" I'm like, "Yeah, you know that?" He's like, "It's like what rich dads wear." And then I got paint on it real quick.

• 2:29Speaker 03

  That's what you wear apple picking in New Jersey.

• 2:31Speaker 01

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I wore it smoking cigs in the Lower East Side.

• 2:35Speaker 03

  Good, good. It's waterproof. I don't know. Might fend off the, uh, the smoke. It, uh, there's a menswear store, the next time you guys are, uh, doing shows in Denver, that is the single best menswear store I've ever been to.

• 2:47H. Foley?

  Nothing's gonna fit me in there. Get a pair of socks or something?

• 2:50Speaker 03

  They, they'll sort you out. They got...

• 2:52Speaker 01

  You got tarps or something? What do you got there?

• 2:54Speaker 03

  It's not some, like, super, you know, prim and proper, super dressy place. It's not some place called like-

• 3:02Speaker 01

  Just cool gear.

• 3:02Speaker 03

  The haberdashery or some bullshit.

• 3:04Speaker 01

  I'm a haberdasher man myself.

• 3:06Speaker 03

  You know, they don't have a, a, a stepping stool for you to step up so some guy can measure your inseam. There's a motorcycle in the store.

• 3:14Speaker 01

  Okay.

• 3:14Speaker 03

  There's a dog in the store. They have a whole rack of whiskey that you can choose from and drink while you're shopping.

• 3:20H. Foley?

  Yeah, but that's all classy shit now. The cool motorcycles, the fucking, uh-

• 3:24Speaker 03

  I know.

• 3:24H. Foley?

  The big heads.

• 3:25Speaker 01

  Well, they'll give you whiskey.

• 3:27Speaker 03

  I know, but it's worth a visit.

• 3:28H. Foley?

  They give you whiskey when you're shopping?

• 3:29Speaker 03

  Oh, yeah. Yeah, yeah. You don't even have to buy anything.

• 3:32H. Foley?

  Huh. Oh, really?

• 3:33Speaker 01

  I might gotta drink.

• 3:34Speaker 03

  Yeah. Uh, I go in there to drink.

• 3:36Speaker 01

  I'm a rich industrialist in town.

• 3:39H. Foley?

  Get a little pregame going?

• 3:41Speaker 03

  I'm shopping on behalf of my, my, my master.

• 3:45H. Foley?

  Your closet, I would assume, is pretty sharp. Everything neat, clean, organized. Done by color? Done by what?

• 3:53Speaker 03

  Uh, item.

• 3:55H. Foley?

  Item?

• 3:55Speaker 03

  You know, I keep all my sweaters together.

• 3:57Speaker 01

  How many sweaters does a guy like you got?

• 3:59Speaker 03

  Four.

• 4:00Speaker 01

  That's pretty good.

• 4:01H. Foley?

  How many sweaters do you have?

• 4:02Speaker 01

  How many sweaters I got?

• 4:03Speaker 03

  I have four sweaters.

• 4:04Speaker 01

  We talking sweatshirts or sweaters? I got about four sweatshirts.

• 4:07H. Foley?

  I don't own any sweaters.

• 4:09Speaker 03

  No? Not one?

• 4:10H. Foley?

  No, not one.

• 4:10Speaker 01

  Dude, I mean, that's...

• 4:11Speaker 03

  Historically, I was not a sweater guy. I didn't like them.

• 4:14H. Foley?

  Am I a doctor?

• 4:15Speaker 03

  Because, well, they're, they're just, you get too hot with a sweater on.

• 4:18H. Foley?

  Sure.

• 4:18Speaker 03

  It's very hard to take a sweater off.

• 4:20H. Foley?

  But something like that, will you wash that, or does that get dry cleaned?

• 4:23Speaker 03

  I'll follow whatever the tag says, and if it says that I can gentle wash with light colors...

• 4:30Speaker 01

  That's a guy who's read a tag right there.

• 4:32Speaker 03

  I'm following it to the T, brother.

• 4:34Speaker 01

  Really?

• 4:35Speaker 03

  And if it says dry clean, I'll send it to the dry cleaner. But I don't dry clean much stuff.

• 4:38H. Foley?

  Huh.

• 4:39Speaker 03

  I love doing laundry.

• 4:40Speaker 01

  Now, let's say-

• 4:41Speaker 03

  It's my favorite thing in the world.

• 4:42Speaker 01

  Really?

• 4:42Speaker 03

  Yeah, I love it.

• 4:43Speaker 01

  All right, let's say you wear that, right? You're coming, slow day, you gotta come here, you gotta go home, you got spots. You gonna wear that for spots tonight?

• 4:49Speaker 03

  Yeah, sure.

• 4:50Speaker 01

  Does, that's a little bit of more of a outer wear-ish. Does that get washed, or does that get hung back up for, for future use?

• 4:56Speaker 03

  This, well, I'll, I'll, I'll wear it a few times.

• 4:59Speaker 01

  Before you wash it?

• 5:00Speaker 03

  Yeah, I'm a smell test guy.

• 5:01H. Foley?

  That would be the cleanest thing that I own. That shit, it looks brand new.

• 5:05Speaker 01

  That's because you don't fit in it. That's the only reason it would be clean, there'd be no mustard stains on it.

• 5:09H. Foley?

  Do you ever get stains on your clothes?

• 5:10Speaker 03

  Yes, I do.

• 5:11H. Foley?

  You do?

• 5:12Speaker 03

  Drives me nuts.

• 5:13Speaker 01

  You're a human boy, just like us.

• 5:14Speaker 03

  I hate it, I hate it. But, you know, when you actually effectively treat a stain, then, then you feel good.

• 5:22Speaker 03

  You feel good. I have all kinds of stain treatments in my apartment.

• 5:25H. Foley?

  Other than Tide Stain Stick?

• 5:27Speaker 03

  Uh, yeah, there's OxiClean is really effective.

• 5:30H. Foley?

  Sure.

• 5:31Speaker 03

  But again, there's, there's, there's different, different sort of prescriptions for different types of fabrics.

• 5:35H. Foley?

  I actually have one for you, because I get, I get a lot of stains on my shirt.

• 5:39Speaker 01

  Dude, I went, we went to the Eagles game, whatever, two weeks ago. He went to the game. We like, we left the hotel that we stayed at, he had blood and coffee on his shirt. And he's like, all right, I'm ready to go. I was like, this is quirky.

• 5:52H. Foley?

  I had a skin tag start leaking, right, right.

• 5:55Speaker 01

  How many of those you got?

• 5:57H. Foley?

  Do you have any skin tags?

• 5:58Speaker 03

  No, I don't, uh, I'm not at a Labrador Retriever.

• 6:05Speaker 01

  There's some, as, um, yeah.

• 6:06H. Foley?

  Wait, hold on, I want to give you my stain thing. My dad, my dad-

• 6:10Speaker 01

  Get them, yeah.

• 6:11H. Foley?

  My dad got a lot of stains on his shirt too, God rest his soul. So my mom became an expert at getting them out. So she takes Dawn.

• 6:17Speaker 03

  Yep.

• 6:18H. Foley?

  Apple cider vinegar.

• 6:19Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 6:19H. Foley?

  And, uh, a little bit of water. And some alcohol, and she sprays it.

• 6:25Speaker 03

  Wow, she mixes all those together.

• 6:27H. Foley?

  Mixes all those together in a spray bottle, and then you put it out in the sun for a couple hours. And then dry, and then wash it.

• 6:32Speaker 01

  She Native American? That sounds like a crazy.

• 6:35H. Foley?

  Take it down to the.

• 6:36Speaker 01

  Hoping the sun gods take it.

• 6:37H. Foley?

  Take it down to the creek and hit a rock.

• 6:39Speaker 01

  Okay.

• 6:40H. Foley?

  So if you're looking for another one.

• 6:41Speaker 03

  That's a good one. I mean, I don't, I don't know, that's be above my pay grade.

• 6:47H. Foley?

  You're not making your own potions?

• 6:49Speaker 03

  No, not quite.

• 6:50Speaker 01

  You're not half witch, huh? You don't sex.

• 6:52Speaker 03

  No.

• 6:53Speaker 01

  Okay, that makes sense, yeah.

• 6:55Speaker 03

  Um, but I, I do, I do like it. It's tough, it's tough, definitely. Seeing a stain on a favorite piece of clothing.

• 7:02H. Foley?

  And you have a washer and dryer in the unit?

• 7:04Speaker 03

  I do.

• 7:04H. Foley?

  In your spot?

• 7:05Speaker 03

  Mm-hmm. I, at this point, I hate to say it, I probably couldn't live in an apartment without one. I do so much laundry.

• 7:12H. Foley?

  Huh.

• 7:13Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 7:13H. Foley?

  Keep everything clean?

• 7:14Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 7:15H. Foley?

  You do it every week? Or do you have a scheduled day?

• 7:17Speaker 03

  I mean, I probably do it twice a week.

• 7:20Speaker 01

  Really?

• 7:20Speaker 03

  Yeah, cuz I, I work out a lot, so I always have a big outfit of sweaty clothes.

• 7:25H. Foley?

  Uh-huh.

• 7:25Speaker 03

  And I don't like to let those marinate for more than a couple days.

• 7:29Speaker 01

  It's more of, it's more of level of dirty clothes versus level of clean clothes. Like, I only do laundry when I'm like.

• 7:35H. Foley?

  All the clothes are gone.

• 7:36Speaker 01

  I got two t-shirts, maybe all pair of socks and underwear left, then I'll do laundry.

• 7:42H. Foley?

  Do you always have clean underwear?

• 7:44Speaker 03

  Uh, when I'm traveling on a long trip, I, I usually run out, but yo.

• 7:49Speaker 01

  What do you do then?

• 7:50Speaker 03

  When I'm traveling, I, I just did a two-week trip where I went to a lot of different places, and halfway through that trip, I was staying in an Airbnb.

• 8:00H. Foley?

  Mm-hmm.

• 8:01Speaker 03

  With my buddies.

• 8:02H. Foley?

  Mm-hmm.

• 8:03Speaker 03

  And like a psychopath, I did a load of laundry.

• 8:06Speaker 01

  That's alright, yeah.

• 8:07H. Foley?

  I do that the second we get there.

• 8:08Speaker 01

  Dude, we've, we've landed, day of travel, like, left New York, land in Airbnb, and he's like, I'mma throw a load, I'm gonna throw a load of laundry.

• 8:15H. Foley?

  I'll bring all dirty stuff and then wash it when I'm there.

• 8:18Speaker 03

  That's unusual.

• 8:21Speaker 03

  That's new. I'm not familiar with starting a trip with all dirty clothes.

• 8:27Speaker 01

  He's like, I like doing laundry, not that much.

• 8:29Speaker 03

  Knowing that somewhere you're going, they'll solve it for you.

• 8:33Speaker 01

  That's a crazy way to live.

• 8:34Speaker 03

  Yeah, but I do, I mean, resetting with clean clothes in the middle of a two-week road swing is as good as it gets.

• 8:40H. Foley?

  Coming back with all clean clothes, then you'll live out of the bag for the next couple of weeks.

• 8:43Speaker 03

  It's amazing, yeah.

• 8:44Speaker 01

  Do you, when you get home, do you unpack the bag into your dresser, or do you like, how do you do that?

• 8:48Speaker 03

  Oh, I, I will unpack into the laundry or the dresser, but someone-

• 8:55H. Foley?

  The second you get back?

• 8:56Speaker 03

  Yo, I cannot go to bed the night I get home without unpacking and putting my-

• 9:01Speaker 01

  You two need to live together.

• 9:02H. Foley?

  That's crazy.

• 9:03Speaker 03

  I couldn't do it.

• 9:04H. Foley?

  That's the best part, just rolling the bag into the corner and ordering some Chinese or something.

• 9:08Speaker 03

  I mean, dude, I, I got home from that trip, I, I flew from California, I got in it to JFK at like 12:30, didn't get home till like 1:15.

• 9:17Speaker 01

  No.

• 9:17Speaker 03

  And I was like, surely I will just go to bed when I, ah, was sitting there.

• 9:22Speaker 01

  He's out there with the oxy queen.

• 9:23H. Foley?

  What, something inside of you tells you you can't do that?

• 9:25Speaker 03

  I want, when I get home after traveling, I want to get back to my life as quickly as possible and reset my routine.

• 9:33H. Foley?

  Huh.

• 9:34Speaker 03

  So, that, the first step of that is unpacking a dirty suitcase.

• 9:39Speaker 01

  Discipline.

• 9:40H. Foley?

  Did you put your bag away and wherever that goes?

• 9:43Speaker 03

  Yeah, I love, I, I, by the way, I also have a small apartment, you may not believe that, but I have a pretty small apartment, I downsized when I got divorced.

• 9:51H. Foley?

  Okay.

• 9:52Speaker 03

  Uh, if I have clutter, it just makes everything smaller and I get claustrophobic.

• 9:57H. Foley?

  Did you get any of the furniture from, from the, did you take anything out of the old apartment that you wanted?

• 10:01Speaker 03

  Uh, you know, we, we were pretty generous with each other about that, so, you know, there were a few things I took, but mostly-

• 10:08H. Foley?

  Did you get new couch, new couch or a new bed?

• 10:09Speaker 03

  I took an old couch that we had in storage.

• 10:13H. Foley?

  Whoa.

• 10:13Speaker 03

  That we weren't using.

• 10:14Speaker 01

  Damn, he's got couches in storage.

• 10:16Speaker 03

  And that couch has, has some stains on it. Yeah, that has.

• 10:20Speaker 01

  That bothers him on a molecular level.

• 10:22Speaker 03

  Yes, it does. And to the degree that it has a performance fabric, which would be very easy to clean.

• 10:29H. Foley?

  What does that mean?

• 10:30Speaker 03

  Uh, it's just one of those fabrics that like, you don't.

• 10:34Speaker 01

  It's got high wa-

• 10:35Speaker 03

  It's meant to be cleaned easily.

• 10:36H. Foley?

  Oh, it's a big and toaster. We have shirts like that. Like, the fabric is for stains.

• 10:41Speaker 01

  Ah, lazy boy.

• 10:42Speaker 03

  Shirts like that.

• 10:43H. Foley?

  Yeah. Is that what you mean?

• 10:46Speaker 03

  Uh, yeah, I guess stain resistant. Imagine a couch made of those Dockers pants that used to pour.

• 10:53H. Foley?

  Oh, those things are great.

• 10:54Speaker 03

  Pouring water all over them. But, um.

• 10:57Speaker 01

  You never owned those, did you?

• 10:58H. Foley?

  You ever wear Dockers?

• 11:00Speaker 03

  I liked Dockers.

• 11:01H. Foley?

  You might have wore Dockers in the very beginning.

• 11:02Speaker 03

  Yeah, yeah.

• 11:03H. Foley?

  Like, back in the day.

• 11:04Speaker 03

  I had some Dockers, yeah. But, um, I was gonna say that this couch, ultimately, I need to take it and have all the slipcovers dry cleaned. That's the way to do a total reset of your couch. But to do, they take a long time.

• 11:18Speaker 01

  So you take the, you take the cover, you take the.

• 11:20Speaker 03

  Unzip all the pillows.

• 11:22Speaker 01

  Take the cushions out, take those and get dry cleaned.

• 11:23Speaker 03

  Get them all dry cleaned. But a dry cleaner, for whatever reason, they send that to some different part of the world.

• 11:29Speaker 01

  Sure.

• 11:30Speaker 03

  The couch covers, that's going, that's going far away.

• 11:33Speaker 01

  That's going to a specialty spot.

• 11:34Speaker 03

  So you need to have a couple weeks of your life where you don't need.

• 11:39Speaker 01

  Couch cushions.

• 11:39Speaker 03

  A dressed couch. You can still.

• 11:41Speaker 01

  A dressed couch.

• 11:42Speaker 03

  Lie on the couch cushions, but the feather stems are gonna be poking through.

• 11:47Speaker 01

  That seems like something you wouldn't do, but we would do.

• 11:50Speaker 03

  I'll do it.

• 11:51H. Foley?

  I do it all the time.

• 11:52Speaker 03

  But I'm not happy about it.

• 11:53Speaker 01

  You lay a blanket down or a sheet or something?

• 11:55Speaker 03

  You could do. You could do.

• 11:57H. Foley?

  I do it all the time. And sometimes if the, if the bird's away.

• 12:00Speaker 01

  I don't like for you living.

• 12:01H. Foley?

  If the bird's away and I have to do the sheets.

• 12:04Speaker 03

  Takes him off because it's what he prefers. She comes home, he puts him back on.

• 12:08H. Foley?

  Well, if I have to do the sheets, I'll do the sheets. And that'll be like a day or two process.

• 12:13Speaker 01

  To do sheets?

• 12:14H. Foley?

  Because usually I'll put them in the washing machine.

• 12:16Speaker 01

  Forget about them.

• 12:17H. Foley?

  I'll forget about them, and then I'll go to take them out. They'll be all smelly.

• 12:20Speaker 03

  They rot.

• 12:20H. Foley?

  Yes. And then I'll do them again, and then dry it again. And she's got these fucking dryer balls that go everywhere. That drives me crazy.

• 12:28Speaker 01

  Oh, like the Lambs, the lanolin balls or whatever?

• 12:31H. Foley?

  Thing sucks.

• 12:32Speaker 01

  Do you do that? Or what are you, do you do dryer sheets?

• 12:34Speaker 03

  I use fabric softener. I don't use dryer sheets.

• 12:37Speaker 01

  You do fabric softener? I don't even, I don't think I'd know how that works. You do fabric softener in the washer?

• 12:41Speaker 03

  Yes.

• 12:41Speaker 01

  And then no need for dryer sheets?

• 12:43Speaker 03

  Well, I don't know if it's a substitute for dryer sheets. I just, um, I've never really done much investigating of dryer sheets. I don't really know what that is.

• 12:54Speaker 01

  It's not good.

• 12:55Speaker 03

  Occasionally, when I'll like pull out my clothes, especially, I don't know. For whatever reason, sometimes you find those little pieces of, you know, white cloth in between. You're like, what happened here?

• 13:08H. Foley?

  I had a sock in my jeans the other day. It was embarrassing.

• 13:11Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 13:12H. Foley?

  I just had to throw it out. It was like right, it was stuck in between my calf and my.

• 13:16Speaker 01

  I threw it out. I had that happen to me in high school. I got there, like my mom's sock was like, I found it like in my, under my gooch and had to fucking throw that out in the bathroom.

• 13:26H. Foley?

  Trading bro, fill out your jacket.

• 13:28Speaker 01

  That's my sister's, I swear.

• 13:30H. Foley?

  Uh, let's get into the notable alumni.

• 13:35Speaker 01

  Yes.

• 13:35H. Foley?

  If you don't know, Mr. Ellis is a graduate of Harvard University.

• 13:40Speaker 01

  There's no way you are a notable alum on Wikipedia. Also, is it Wikipedia or Wikipedia?

• 13:46Speaker 03

  Wikipedia.

• 13:46Speaker 01

  Wikipedia.

• 13:47Speaker 03

  That's what I would say. It doesn't mean that I'm right.

• 13:50H. Foley?

  Probably though.

• 13:51Speaker 03

  Well, that's just how I've heard it. I'll tell you, I've never donated money to them.

• 13:55Speaker 01

  Yeah, fuck that. Always asking you for money. It's the internet. Show some skin or something.

• 14:00Speaker 03

  I should donate money to Wikipedia.

• 14:02H. Foley?

  Why do you go on there a lot?

• 14:03Speaker 03

  It's just such a useful resource that I use so often without even realizing it. And what a noble reason.

• 14:12H. Foley?

  They don't make no cash on their own?

• 14:14Speaker 03

  I don't think. There's no advertising. It's clean.

• 14:16H. Foley?

  That's what they gotta start doing. What are you doing?

• 14:19Speaker 01

  OnlyFans.

• 14:19H. Foley?

  Could be printing money over there.

• 14:21Speaker 04

  Uh, this is the strongest Wikipedia I've ever seen. They do pictures on their notable alumni. Francis Ellis is not one of them. We got, uh, Mark Zuckerberg, Bill Gates, uh, John Adams.

• 14:32Speaker 01

  That makes John Adams.

• 14:33Speaker 04

  Jeremy Lin.

• 14:34H. Foley?

  Wait, John Adams, the?

• 14:36Speaker 01

  Director.

• 14:36H. Foley?

  The president?

• 14:37Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 14:37Speaker 01

  Yeah, I believe.

• 14:38H. Foley?

  No shit.

• 14:38Speaker 03

  I think John Quincy, his son went there, uh.

• 14:41H. Foley?

  Now, you know what dorms they stayed in?

• 14:43Speaker 03

  Roosevelt went there.

• 14:44H. Foley?

  Teddy or Franklin?

• 14:45Speaker 03

  Teddy went there. I think, did Franklin go there as well? He might have.

• 14:50Speaker 01

  Don't wanna catch that.

• 14:51Speaker 03

  If you include the graduate schools, it's like, if you include the law school.

• 14:54H. Foley?

  They clean these rooms, right?

• 14:55Speaker 01

  They wash these beds down. I don't wanna be fucking rolling out of here. All right, that's uncouth.

• 15:00H. Foley?

  No, I meant, I refer as high school.

• 15:03Speaker 01

  What high school did you go to?

• 15:04Speaker 03

  Yarmouth High School.

• 15:05Speaker 01

  Yarmouth.

• 15:06H. Foley?

  Yarmouth. But just so you know, on the Harvard lacrosse website, 6'3", 215 is a senior.

• 15:11Speaker 03

  Oh, yeah.

• 15:11H. Foley?

  What are you sitting at now?

• 15:12Speaker 03

  210.

• 15:13H. Foley?

  210, you lost five.

• 15:15Speaker 01

  Man, that's crazy.

• 15:17H. Foley?

  You've lost weights.

• 15:19Speaker 01

  Fifteen years ago, or what year did you graduate? Ten years ago?

• 15:21Speaker 03

  Uh, fif- like, closer to fifteen. I was 2011.

• 15:25Speaker 01

  And you've only fluctuated five. Dude, I'll do that today. I'll do five pounds today.

• 15:29H. Foley?

  Hold on, real quick. Senior year, seven goals, fourteen games.

• 15:32Speaker 03

  No, that was, that was over the course of my career.

• 15:35H. Foley?

  Oh, your whole career?

• 15:36Speaker 03

  Yeah, because I, I scored, I think I scored seven my freshman year.

• 15:40H. Foley?

  Yeah, that's it, seven goals.

• 15:41Speaker 03

  And then I quit my sophomore and junior year.

• 15:43H. Foley?

  Oh.

• 15:43Speaker 03

  And then the coach got changed, senior year, and he asked me to come back because he had been under the original group that had recruited me.

• 15:50H. Foley?

  Gotcha.

• 15:51Speaker 03

  And so I came back, but by that point, I didn't, I wasn't very, I wasn't.

• 15:55Speaker 01

  Took two years off.

• 15:56Speaker 03

  I, yeah, I lost two years of Division One lacrosse, so I just.

• 16:00H. Foley?

  Senior year, one assist, one goal.

• 16:02Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 16:02H. Foley?

  Probably a couple of coeds in there too, though, eh? They're a big guy.

• 16:05Speaker 03

  There you go. Yes. Why, why do we call them coeds, by the way? What a weird.

• 16:10Speaker 01

  I don't know, it's sad. And that's only girls. I've never seen a bunch of dudes be like, "Look at those coeds."

• 16:14Speaker 03

  I bet it has to do with the fact that colleges for so long were all male. That when you added, when you spoke with women and you were like, "Now it's coed, the new coeds."

• 16:25H. Foley?

  That's John Adams and fucking Herbie Hancock talking. What's his name? Henry Hancock? John Hancock.

• 16:31Speaker 03

  Herbie Hancock.

• 16:32H. Foley?

  Either way, All-American high school lacrosse player. All, all American high school lacrosse player, senior year, three-time All-State.

• 16:39Speaker 01

  Pretty good.

• 16:40Speaker 04

  Not a notable alumni.

• 16:41Speaker 01

  God damn it!

• 16:42Speaker 03

  Dude, does Yarmouth High School have notable alumni?

• 16:45Speaker 01

  It's on Wikipedia.

• 16:46Speaker 03

  They have a long list?

• 16:47Speaker 04

  No, they have a weak list.

• 16:48Speaker 03

  Yeah, I would think so.

• 16:49H. Foley?

  Has he not on there?

• 16:50Speaker 01

  And how's he not on there? Goddamn American internet personality.

• 16:54Speaker 04

  Got a middle-distance runner, a president of Nichols College, and then a girl who died in a DUI.

• 17:00Speaker 01

  Jesus.

• 17:04Speaker 03

  I don't need to be on that list. Uh, pass. We'll, we'll save our, save our chips for Harvard.

• 17:10Speaker 01

  I'm still not on mine. Yeah, let's make, let's make a big pledge to get you on Harvard. I'm still not on mine, which is bullshit.

• 17:15H. Foley?

  Why would you be?

• 17:16Speaker 01

  I don't know. There's other comedians on there. You got good stuff.

• 17:20H. Foley?

  Okay, let's talk about Sheath.

• 17:21Speaker 01

  Let's go Sheath. OG Sheath.

• 17:23H. Foley?

  OG Sheath, that's right, Pinhead. Best underwear in the absolute biz. Gang, if you're not familiar with Sheath, you better, because they're gonna be your fun, nice underwear, because what they do, they have state of the art technology where you separate your weener from your berries, keep you cool and dry all day long.

• 17:41Speaker 01

  Mm-hmm. Uh, it keeps, uh, it keep, that's right. Two twigs gets its own VIP suite and the berries get to hang out on their own private pool. No chafing, no sticking, just pure comfort 24/7. Uh, also premium fabric, that was big for me. I've just, I was always buying cheap underwear myself. Bada bing bada boom. They sent us one pair each. Here you go. And then I, I hit them up. I go, buddy, I'm obsessed with this stuff.

• 18:04H. Foley?

  Keep them coming.

• 18:04Speaker 01

  He sends it by the box load for us. I buy it for myself. I buy it for people. I go, listen, you're not living till you try Sheath. It's fantastic. Uh, and also shout out to Robert. We've met him at Skank Fest a couple of times. He's a US Army veteran and overall great dude. Actually invented the underwear while he was in Iraq. Shout out to you. Uh, where you know your balls get super hot out, buddy. I would, if, listen, if I was in Iraq, all I'd be thinking about was underwear myself, because I'd be, I'd be stuck like a, like a wet sponge down there.

• 18:32H. Foley?

  Trying to stay dry.

• 18:33Speaker 01

  Uh, so here's the deal. Head over to sheath.com, use the code garbage, uh, to get 20% off and get yourself a pair of the only underwear that makes you feel less like a slob and more like a gentleman. Well, that's at least from the waist down. Sheath underwear, because even garbage deserves to be comfortable. Sheath.com promo code garbage. Do it.

• 18:49H. Foley?

  Yeah. Okay, let's talk about Rocket Money.

• 18:51Speaker 01

  Rocket Money!

• 18:52H. Foley?

  Rocket Money is a personal finance app that helps find and cancel your unwanted subscriptions, monitors your spending, and it helps lower your bills so you can grow your savings. That's what I'm talking about, baby. We got all these subscriptions out there that we don't know about. You get Rocket Money, they find them, you want to get rid of them? Boom, you get them right out of your way. They save people a lot of money. Do yourself a favor, get over to Rocket Money.

• 19:14Speaker 01

  Uh, yeah, seeing all your subscriptions in one place and knowing exactly where you're Going was a big thing for me. Listen, everything's like two, two, two clicks and you're signed up. You double tap your phone. Free trial this, free trial that. You're signed up and then you go to quit. I'm taking your kidney. They don't know you're in it anymore. You signed up for this, a month above, whatever. They're screwing you and Rocket Money's trying to stop that. I was signed up for some weird online viewing fights or so. I don't know what it was. It was bad. And then I was like, what am I paying 24.99 for? Rocket Money, beep, boop, pop, couple hits, couple tabs, a couple hits at a button. I get my cash. Rocket Money has over 5 million users and has saved a total of $500 million in canceled subscriptions. A lot of money.

• 19:56Speaker 01

  Saving members up to $740 a year when using all the app's premium feature, which I highly recommend. They email me every week going, hey, just a heads up, this is what's, this is the automatic uh, payments that are hitting this week. You spent $800 more this week, $200 less, whatever. They got their eye on, they got the eye on a prize. Cancel your unwanted subscriptions and reach your financial goals faster with Rocket Money. Go to rocketmoney.com/garbage a day. That's rocketmoney.com/garbage, rocketmoney.com/garbage. Do it. I got, this, this happened very recently. I was out to dinner, right? And uh, I was at the dinner and my family, my wife, my brother-in-law, my nephew. And we got uh, hummus and you know, pita for like an appetizer. Okay. And. I know where this is going.

• 20:42Speaker 01

  On your shirt.

• 20:45Speaker 01

  And then, so we're waiting for the entrees to come, you know what I mean? I got, I got a couple of beers in me and it's, it's, but it's a long time. We're in Europe. So it's a little stretched out over there. They're not, you know, they're not burning and turning tables. You're in, you're, you're, you're in it. I'm a little hungry. I'm a little peckish. So I take a fork. There's no pita left. And I dip right into the hummus. Yeah. Take a bite of that and I got looked at like I was an animal.

• 21:09Speaker 03

  By your people at your table or by the rest of the restaurant?

• 21:11Speaker 01

  People at the table, which to me, by other people, that'd be crazy.

• 21:15Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 21:15Speaker 01

  Like I'm eating in a fish tank. Stop.

• 21:18Speaker 03

  The whole restaurant.

• 21:20Speaker 01

  I, I realize it's not classy, but is that, because I caught a lot of flack for it. By the listeners who are dirtbags themselves, but were like, "That was nuts."

• 21:31H. Foley?

  I gave them shit for it, but for a different reason. Just because hummus by itself is kinda weird and gross.

• 21:36Speaker 03

  Yeah, that's a, that's a tough mouthful. It's so grainy and...

• 21:41Speaker 01

  That's why I'm in the business, baby. I don't know what to tell you. That's got good mouthfeel.

• 21:45Speaker 03

  I can't remember the last time I was so upset with how long a restaurant was taking that I would mainline hummus.

• 21:54Speaker 03

  I can't recall.

• 21:56Speaker 01

  What would you say if you saw that, would you be like, "That's un...

• 21:59H. Foley?

  Would you let them take it? Do you let them take things that aren't completely finished? Even though that's the end of the course?

• 22:05Speaker 03

  If we had run out of vessels with which to eat the hummus...

• 22:09Speaker 01

  There wa- it was out. We were out of stuff.

• 22:10Speaker 03

  I might have said either, I probably would have said, "Hey, May, we have a few more pieces of pita, some carrots."

• 22:16Speaker 01

  My friend over here.

• 22:17Speaker 03

  We could do, sub- vegetables, anything colorful. Let's not do more pita.

• 22:21Speaker 01

  Mm-hmm. What?

• 22:23Speaker 03

  Yeah. I prefer to have fresh vegetables with hummus.

• 22:27H. Foley?

  A cucumber's not bad.

• 22:28Speaker 03

  Cucumber.

• 22:29Speaker 01

  You bet your arches.

• 22:31Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 22:32H. Foley?

  You know what sucks is a cherry tomato. Those things don't grab anything.

• 22:35Speaker 03

  They don't. It's sheer. They're very sheer. Very sheer.

• 22:40H. Foley?

  I don't even know why they're like, dude, you get that in the ranch dip in the middle of the year from the grocery store? You're going at least half a fingernail in there. They just got no grip on them.

• 22:51H. Foley?

  You know what I mean?

• 22:51Speaker 03

  There's no structural integrity. No, whatsoever.

• 22:54H. Foley?

  And when you bite that thing, it fucking blows up in your mouth like a duster.

• 22:58Speaker 03

  You better keep your teeth closed. Yeah.

• 22:59Speaker 01

  Sure. Alright, okay. I mean, I knew I was wrong, but I was sho- I was shocked at how wrong I was.

• 23:06Speaker 03

  My take on this would be, if you know the group of people that you're with so intimately, that you, they know you, they know this is what you're gonna do.

• 23:16Speaker 01

  They picked up the check, they better have fucking known me.

• 23:17Speaker 03

  It's fine. If I were with a group of people that I didn't know that well, I'm not, I'm not going in to the dip with a fork.

• 23:28Speaker 01

  It's not just a dip, it's more of a spread, okay?

• 23:30Speaker 03

  Sure.

• 23:31Speaker 01

  It's not a dip.

• 23:32Speaker 03

  But it's, again, spread, dip, whatever it is, both of those words imply that it's going on something.

• 23:38Speaker 01

  There's another verb happening.

• 23:39Speaker 03

  That isn't a fork, yeah.

• 23:40H. Foley?

  Are you, are you a lasso the appetizer guy? Like if there's still, um, I don't know, a fucking Clams Casino sitting there, you gonna, will you, will you pull the trigger?

• 23:49Speaker 03

  I, I am so, um, aggressive, unfortunately.

• 23:55H. Foley?

  Cause I figure you could go either way in this.

• 23:57Speaker 03

  Look, here's what it is. Uh, I have a gigantic appetite and I always have.

• 24:02Speaker 01

  It's 215.

• 24:03Speaker 03

  And everybody knows this about me.

• 24:04H. Foley?

  That is.

• 24:05Speaker 03

  I was.

• 24:06Speaker 01

  210.

• 24:06Speaker 03

  I'm down to 210, 210 now.

• 24:09H. Foley?

  Who goes down?

• 24:10Speaker 03

  It's been, it's been a journey.

• 24:11H. Foley?

  Only offensive linemen in the NFL go down.

• 24:13Speaker 03

  I've lost .2 pounds a year.

• 24:15Speaker 01

  That's crazy dude, that's, I mean.

• 24:17Speaker 03

  For 13 years.

• 24:19H. Foley?

  Are you at your ideal weight? Is this where you?

• 24:21Speaker 03

  I'm fine. I don't care.

• 24:23Speaker 01

  Are you?

• 24:25H. Foley?

  Couple more weeks, I'll be there.

• 24:26Speaker 01

  Trying to get to 818. That's my area code. That's also.

• 24:32H. Foley?

  I gotta get the tattoo to make sense.

• 24:34Speaker 01

  I was always, I was always shocked. I was always shocked. That was never, that's clearly not us, but I was just never that. I was always shocked when people would be like, what do you weigh? And they were all like 212, 215. I'm like, you can, that, you're like, that's how small your window? I mean, they're, also, I didn't step on a scale for a long time, but if you were to ask me, I'd be like, 240, 290? Like, I really, I really can't call it. You know what I mean?

• 24:59H. Foley?

  Morbidly obese.

• 25:00Speaker 01

  Sure, heifer.

• 25:02Speaker 03

  That's what the cardiologist does.

• 25:04H. Foley?

  But go ahead, I'm sorry. So you have, you have a big appetite?

• 25:06Speaker 03

  That's okay. I like it when you guys do that stuff. I always forget how folksy this podcast is.

• 25:13Speaker 01

  I mean, that's even a good word for it.

• 25:15Speaker 03

  We come in and you guys are doing this like bing bang boom pinball intro, and I always love that. It just, it's charming.

• 25:23Speaker 01

  Or old school Francis.

• 25:25Speaker 03

  It's great.

• 25:25H. Foley?

  What is your caloric intake a day? What are you about, 2,500?

• 25:28Speaker 03

  Dude, I eat a lot. You'd be surprised. I mean, it's mostly healthy food.

• 25:32H. Foley?

  See dudes in shape, they can go, like sometimes, that's what I mean at the table. You might be like, I don't give a fuck. I'm going in. What's anybody gonna say to me?

• 25:42H. Foley?

  I'm in, I'm in, you know what I mean?

• 25:43Speaker 03

  So that's, okay, so that's exactly what I was gonna say. Um, there's an entitlement, for sure.

• 25:48H. Foley?

  Yes.

• 25:49Speaker 03

  I, I size up the people around me. There's some dainty females. They're not eating.

• 25:54Speaker 01

  Stiff arm.

• 25:54H. Foley?

  And you have no self-consciousness. Like, if I, if I'm, I've been in situations-

• 25:58Speaker 03

  I have a shot clock. If that thing has been sitting there, and we've gone around the table, everybody's had one-

• 26:06Speaker 01

  They're telling stories, whatever.

• 26:08Speaker 03

  And there's one or even two left, and there's, and nobody's picked up another one, and it's starting to get cold, I'm thinking, you guys have silently agreed that it's fine-

• 26:20H. Foley?

  Mm-hmm.

• 26:21Speaker 03

  -for someone else to take another one. And if I go for it, and someone says, "Hey, we should probably divide that," or something-

• 26:28H. Foley?

  Who would say that?

• 26:29Speaker 03

  Like, someone you're dating would, would, would scold you for that.

• 26:33H. Foley?

  Okay.

• 26:33Speaker 03

  Um-

• 26:34Speaker 01

  That just hit ya.

• 26:35Speaker 03

  I-

• 26:36Speaker 01

  I've never, I've never seen you understand something so quickly in my life.

• 26:41Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 26:42H. Foley?

  Well, as a fact-

• 26:42Speaker 03

  Someone who knows you intimately might say, like-

• 26:45Speaker 01

  Someone who knows you may not need it.

• 26:47Speaker 03

  Let's see if someone else might want some.

• 26:50H. Foley?

  Well, I do that, that's what I'm saying. As an in-shape guy, you don't have any hangups about that.

• 26:54Speaker 01

  His isn't shame, his is going, these are going, yours-

• 26:57H. Foley?

  Mine's all shame-based.

• 26:58Speaker 01

  You're leading with shame, he's going, "No one's gonna think I'm fat here," clearly.

• 27:02Speaker 03

  But wait, why does your shame compel you to do it?

• 27:05H. Foley?

  Not to do it, to be-

• 27:07Speaker 03

  To not do it.

• 27:07Speaker 01

  He does, he's, he's fighting to not do it.

• 27:09H. Foley?

  Because everyone's gonna think, "Oh, fucking-" This happened the other night with a piece of saganaki, to be honest with you.

• 27:14Speaker 03

  I don't know what that is.

• 27:15H. Foley?

  It's, uh, it's a-

• 27:16Speaker 03

  I thought that was a motorcycle.

• 27:19Speaker 01

  A 250cc saganaki. He ate a motorcycle.

• 27:22H. Foley?

  Let me get a couple Suzuki's over here.

• 27:24Speaker 03

  Sure.

• 27:24H. Foley?

  Um, it's, uh, it's fried cheese. It's, it's a Greek dish. It's fried kefaliteri or halloumi cheese.

• 27:30Speaker 03

  Oh, nice.

• 27:31H. Foley?

  With a little bit of light burning. Delicious. A little bit of tomato sauce and, uh, a little bit of lemon, fantastic. But there was one piece left, and nobody was fucking with it, and when I made the move, I could feel the, eh-

• 27:42Speaker 03

  Yeah, oh, well, we, of course.

• 27:44H. Foley?

  So there, it, it is a, a shame-based thing. We had an incident in-

• 27:49Speaker 03

  Did you grab the halloumi, the last piece?

• 27:50H. Foley?

  Uh, yeah.

• 27:52Speaker 03

  And did anyone react? Did anyone react?

• 27:54H. Foley?

  It got quiet.

• 27:55Speaker 03

  You both have now qualified yourselves by saying, "I picked up the check."

• 27:59H. Foley?

  Yeah.

• 28:00Speaker 01

  Cause fuck you, I'm paying for that. You can't judge me. I mean, I got a mouthful of hummus.

• 28:05Speaker 03

  That's combative, though. I find that combative from both of you.

• 28:08H. Foley?

  What? Why?

• 28:09Speaker 01

  We gotta have you back once a month.

• 28:11Speaker 03

  It's as if someone were to say, it makes me think that you're ready with that. Meaning if someone were to smack your hand as you're going for the last piece of loomie, you'd be like, "Oh yeah? I'm fucking paying for it."

• 28:22H. Foley?

  I wouldn't say that, no. I would never do that.

• 28:24Speaker 01

  I would think it real hard.

• 28:25H. Foley?

  Yes. I would say, yeah.

• 28:26Speaker 03

  I think you're both approaching what, how you want to eat and dine in your own way defensively.

• 28:35Speaker 01

  Yeah, I mean, get made fun of for that.

• 28:37Speaker 03

  And I don't, I want you to enjoy yourselves. I don't think you should be having that.

• 28:40H. Foley?

  Can I tell you this? In most company, that, in most circles that I'm running with, FamilyWise or whatever, I wanna be the one to pick up the check because I wanna be able to order and eat the way that I want to.

• 28:54Speaker 03

  Spot on.

• 28:55H. Foley?

  Does that make sense?

• 28:56Speaker 03

  I couldn't agree more. I couldn't agree more.

• 28:58H. Foley?

  And I like to set that tone.

• 28:59Speaker 03

  I, I absolutely agree with that. But, what I've learned, because...

• 29:05Speaker 01

  I fucking love this guy.

• 29:06Speaker 03

  I have been out with a group of, you know, my significant other and her friends, just girls.

• 29:12H. Foley?

  Really?

• 29:12Speaker 03

  And they, girls are, when it comes to dining, they are...

• 29:16H. Foley?

  Scoring chicks.

• 29:18Speaker 03

  No, you know, whatever. They're communists. They, it's all, we're sharing everything, no matter what.

• 29:25H. Foley?

  I love that.

• 29:26Speaker 03

  I used to think, well, that, they don't know, they're gonna completely underestimate the needed amount. Cause they'll always be like, "Would anyone like to steer the ship? Why don't you just order for all of us?" And it's like, "You better fucking count three of me." Because...

• 29:43H. Foley?

  Wait, you're letting one of them do that?

• 29:45Speaker 03

  Look, this happened once and never again.

• 29:47Speaker 01

  He's not over it.

• 29:48H. Foley?

  Are you crazy?

• 29:49Speaker 03

  But here's, here's the flip, ready? So they'll order what they think is enough.

• 29:53H. Foley?

  You're letting some girl from Murray Hill order for you? What, are you out of your mind?

• 29:57Speaker 03

  Certainly not Murray Hill. I would never, I would never date a girl from Murray Hill.

• 30:02Speaker 01

  That's classy to me. I'm like, damn, you know a girl who's got a place in Murray Hill?

• 30:06Speaker 03

  Yeah. "Oh, we're going back to your two-bedroom that's been converted into a four? We're gonna have sex behind your built-in wall."

• 30:14H. Foley?

  I'm living in one of them now.

• 30:17Speaker 01

  She do for a living. Are they hiring?

• 30:20H. Foley?

  You only got four roommates? Broads killing it.

• 30:23Speaker 01

  Okay.

• 30:24Speaker 03

  What I've learned is that, uh, if I worry that they're not ordering enough food, the flip is that women tend to be peckish around each other. And they, they, they don't eat that much and I can come in.

• 30:37Speaker 01

  You gotcha.

• 30:38Speaker 03

  And scoop up.

• 30:39Speaker 01

  They don't wanna go like, I ate a whole plate, a whole plate of calamari or whatever.

• 30:43Speaker 03

  Yes, you can take advantage of their body dysmorphia.

• 30:47Speaker 01

  Sure.

• 30:47Speaker 03

  Their eating disorders to actually satiate yourself.

• 30:50H. Foley?

  I always, if I'm eating with my wife, I know for a fact, whatever, and we're great with that. Like, we, we, we eat very well together. Like, we like to both try different things and share everything. But I know that I'm getting the back, the back half of that chicken.

• 31:05Speaker 03

  Yep, yep.

• 31:06H. Foley?

  Or, you know, I'm getting the other half of that burger.

• 31:08Speaker 03

  Right, right, right. I, exactly.

• 31:09H. Foley?

  In addition to whatever I got.

• 31:11Speaker 03

  There, there really is, I, I hate to say it, and I'm not trying to be, you know, some fucking old fashioned douche, but like, the lion's share.

• 31:18Speaker 01

  These broads got small brains now, get it?

• 31:20Speaker 03

  The lion's share thing, you know? There is something of that.

• 31:24H. Foley?

  Yeah.

• 31:24Speaker 03

  And there's another part of this that is a phenomenon that I have grown quite fond of, which is that if you get into a car for a long drive, or even a short drive, with a group of your buddies, and let's call it an SUV, and there's like five of you.

• 31:39Speaker 01

  Sport utility, baby.

• 31:41Speaker 03

  When my friends, if I, if I'm with a group of sort of smaller guys, and I, I, and they say, Fran, why don't you sit up front, you're tall? And I'm like, no, no, that's okay. And they're like, no, no, no, you go. And they give me shotgun without even having to call it. I appreciate that.

• 31:58Speaker 01

  Sure, sure.

• 31:59Speaker 03

  That's really nice. And it also, I don't know.

• 32:04Speaker 01

  Now, if they didn't, would you just take it?

• 32:06Speaker 03

  Well, they've done it so often that it, it, now I almost would be shocked.

• 32:11Speaker 01

  If it didn't, if they were like, no, I got it?

• 32:13Speaker 03

  If some five foot eight guy just hopped up front and I had to clamber.

• 32:17Speaker 01

  Choke him out.

• 32:18Speaker 03

  Into the backseat and hold my knees under my jugular. I'm gonna be like, who's this fucking twerp?

• 32:24Speaker 01

  Sure. Great use of twerp, by the way.

• 32:26Speaker 03

  This little twerp.

• 32:28H. Foley?

  Hey, you'd be vicious as a bully.

• 32:30Speaker 03

  Well.

• 32:31Speaker 01

  Get your psychological.

• 32:32Speaker 03

  I got bullied. I don't like bullying.

• 32:35Speaker 01

  I agree. Bad bullying.

• 32:36H. Foley?

  Who bullied you in high school?

• 32:37Speaker 03

  Yeah, middle school. Middle school and lower school, big time. People made fun of me for having red hair.

• 32:42Speaker 01

  That's the go- that's the tough go-to, yeah.

• 32:44Speaker 03

  But it's funny, too, like in all the Adam Sandler movies, a lot of Disney movies, the redhead is always the bully.

• 32:50Speaker 01

  Sure.

• 32:51Speaker 03

  Audio duels were redheads.

• 32:52Speaker 01

  Audio duels were. That's immediately who I thought of.

• 32:54Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 32:55Speaker 01

  Wow.

• 32:56H. Foley?

  Yeah. Also, the kid in, uh...

• 32:58Speaker 01

  The trainee Irish in a bed.

• 32:59H. Foley?

  Incredibles, wasn't he? The kid with the...

• 33:01Speaker 03

  Yeah, yeah. But he was kind of... Was- he became the bad guy because...

• 33:07H. Foley?

  Because Mr. Incredible was a dictator.

• 33:09Speaker 03

  Was overlooking him.

• 33:10H. Foley?

  Oh, yeah, that's true.

• 33:11Speaker 03

  The bully'd become the bully.

• 33:13Speaker 01

  You mean, let's say you, you know, somebody sets you up, hey, my roommate so-and-so, she's a classy, classy lady of New York, you know what I mean? Where, what is, uh... If you're trying to impress, what does a date, a classy... Because I would just go, let's go grab a drink, and it would be at like... I would Google, like, classy place to take a lady. I don't know anything.

• 33:34Speaker 03

  Look, I'm at a point in my life, again, now, where I don't need, I don't want to do bullshit.

• 33:40H. Foley?

  I don't want to say stuff like that. I'm at a point in my life.

• 33:43Speaker 03

  Well, I've been, I've been married and divorced, and now I've, I guess I'm single again, and like...

• 33:49Speaker 01

  Looking to mingle.

• 33:50Speaker 03

  What, what, you know, it's a totally different landscape. I'm not looking to bullshit my way into bed with a 25-year-old.

• 33:59Speaker 01

  Of course, of course.

• 34:00Speaker 03

  I want to, I can't, I'm not gonna want to go on a second date with someone if our conversation isn't interesting.

• 34:08Speaker 01

  So is that, so is that first conversation, you hit it off via text or whatever, and then you, is it a, is it a coffee? Is it a drink? Is it a dinner?

• 34:16Speaker 03

  I mean, in my ideal world... We just go for a walk.

• 34:21H. Foley?

  A walk?

• 34:22Speaker 03

  Yeah, go walk for-

• 34:23H. Foley?

  It's freezing outside.

• 34:24Speaker 03

  Around the reservoir.

• 34:25H. Foley?

  A reservoir?

• 34:26Speaker 03

  You know, go walk along the river.

• 34:29Speaker 01

  Got a Canada goose.

• 34:30Speaker 03

  It's free.

• 34:31H. Foley?

  No apps, something? If we're- I wouldn't be calling you back, you take me on a walk.

• 34:36Speaker 03

  If that walk is-

• 34:37H. Foley?

  What am I, a German shepherd?

• 34:38Speaker 03

  Builds up an appetizer.

• 34:40H. Foley?

  Sure.

• 34:40Speaker 03

  Maybe we wander and go, "Oh, let's go get some soup."

• 34:44Speaker 01

  It's warm me to the bone.

• 34:46Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 34:46Speaker 01

  Gotcha.

• 34:47Speaker 03

  Let's get some soup.

• 34:47H. Foley?

  See, you're walking around the reservoir, you end up at Jacob's Pickles, maybe an appetizer or a cocktail.

• 34:52Speaker 03

  Sarabes, have a six egg omelet, whatever.

• 34:55Speaker 01

  It's getting crazy.

• 34:56Speaker 03

  It happens.

• 34:57H. Foley?

  Couple of protein shakes.

• 34:58Speaker 03

  They put six eggs in each omelet.

• 34:59H. Foley?

  Really?

• 35:00Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 35:00H. Foley?

  I like that.

• 35:01Speaker 03

  That's a lot of eggs.

• 35:02Speaker 01

  That's pretty good.

• 35:02H. Foley?

  You know, I don't know who this was, it was a different story, but I heard, maybe it was, is Baltasar a restaurant?

• 35:08Speaker 03

  Yeah, that's in Soho.

• 35:09H. Foley?

  That they do an egg yolk omelet. Just a yolk.

• 35:12Speaker 03

  That's interesting.

• 35:13H. Foley?

  That's what I'm talking about.

• 35:14Speaker 03

  Well, that's where James Corden famously barked at the waiter for not bringing his wife's food out correctly.

• 35:19H. Foley?

  Oh, maybe that's what it was, maybe he ordered and that's-

• 35:22Speaker 03

  That might actually be the story.

• 35:23H. Foley?

  That's what I took away from that story.

• 35:25Speaker 01

  Holy shit.

• 35:26H. Foley?

  They're doing all yokes?

• 35:27Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 35:28Speaker 01

  Let's go. Okay, I mean, that's a classy, I would never think, I would never, I would go, there's, you know, McGillan's Irish Pub or whatever.

• 35:37Speaker 03

  To me, having an all yolk omelet is like asking for a steak and having them cut all the lean out of it and leave just the gristle.

• 35:46Speaker 01

  We should start doing that.

• 35:47H. Foley?

  Just gristle?

• 35:48Speaker 03

  Yeah. Cause I have, hereditarily, I have high cholesterol, so I actually try to avoid egg yolks if I can. And now I'm on a risuvastatin, so I, you know.

• 35:58H. Foley?

  Risuvastatin, so am I.

• 36:00Speaker 03

  Urostatin?

• 36:00H. Foley?

  Yeah, I'm on, I take risuvastatin.

• 36:02Speaker 03

  Risuvastatin?

• 36:03H. Foley?

  Almost out, by the way. I take that and metropophol, something like that.

• 36:07Speaker 03

  I don't know that one.

• 36:08Speaker 01

  That's what killed Michael Jackson.

• 36:10H. Foley?

  No, that's metropophol.

• 36:13Speaker 01

  Jesus Christ, big man. You're a walking time bomb.

• 36:16Speaker 03

  Metropophol is where Superman lives.

• 36:19Speaker 01

  Yeah, that's crazy.

• 36:23Speaker 01

  This guy's doing doc prescribed.

• 36:25H. Foley?

  Really, you're on a statin?

• 36:26Speaker 03

  Yeah, yeah.

• 36:27Speaker 01

  Genetic.

• 36:27H. Foley?

  That's crazy.

• 36:28Speaker 03

  Yeah, I mean, there's, I have a sticky, sticky lipid protein.

• 36:32Speaker 01

  I know him, he's going, "What, Francis is on a statin?"

• 36:35H. Foley?

  Couple of them, six dozen omelets.

• 36:36Speaker 01

  He's gonna, he's gonna throw this in my face in like a week when I try to, when I tell.

• 36:43Speaker 03

  Six dozen ome- egg omelets is 72 eggs.

• 36:46Speaker 01

  That's good math, too.

• 36:47H. Foley?

  Jesus Christ.

• 36:48Speaker 01

  I was gonna say 36.

• 36:49Speaker 03

  Just a chicken genocide on my plate.

• 36:53Speaker 01

  Would you ever do a chicken omelet?

• 36:55Speaker 03

  Yeah, I don't have any issue with that.

• 36:56Speaker 01

  Really?

• 36:57Speaker 03

  Crossing the streams. Get out of here.

• 37:01Speaker 01

  It's too much chicken. I like chicken, that's too much.

• 37:03Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 37:03H. Foley?

  How long you been on the rostatin?

• 37:06Speaker 03

  Couple of years now.

• 37:07H. Foley?

  No kidding?

• 37:07Speaker 03

  Yeah, yeah.

• 37:08H. Foley?

  Huh.

• 37:08Speaker 03

  My, my cholesterol numbers were always high.

• 37:13H. Foley?

  You're that ladies?

• 37:14Speaker 03

  If you need, if you need extras, I have, I have some extras if you're running out.

• 37:17H. Foley?

  Nah, nah, I just gotta, just gotta re-up. They, they keep me, I got a scholarship over there. Fucking Mount Sinai.

• 37:23Speaker 03

  Punch card.

• 37:23H. Foley?

  Yeah, yeah, they know.

• 37:25Speaker 03

  Nine refills and the 10th one has no copay.

• 37:28H. Foley?

  They know it's chronic.

• 37:29Speaker 01

  That's pretty good insurance.

• 37:33Speaker 01

  Uh, is there any circumstance where you would wear underwear under a bathing suit?

• 37:38Speaker 03

  No, no, y- you know, absolutely not. Are you saying that even, like, cause in, in, when you go to a store, if you're trying on a bathing suit, there's always a sign that says you need to try it on with. I guess I would do that, but I, I wouldn't try, I don't try on bathing suits. I just assume it's gonna fit.

• 37:56H. Foley?

  You don't buy underwear with the, uh, with the, with the mesh, do you?

• 37:59Speaker 01

  No.

• 37:59Speaker 03

  No.

• 38:00H. Foley?

  So you wear board shorts?

• 38:03Speaker 03

  I'm sorry, a bathing suit.

• 38:04Speaker 01

  Yeah, you said underwear with mesh.

• 38:08H. Foley?

  Wait, no, yeah.

• 38:10Speaker 03

  Trying to picture what that would be. That sounds like porn.

• 38:14Speaker 01

  No wonder why you're chafing down there.

• 38:16H. Foley?

  All jacked up on that rostatin. No, you only buy bathing suits that don't, so you don't buy a bathing suit that has the mesh?

• 38:23Speaker 03

  I, I, I have a few of those.

• 38:25H. Foley?

  You cut it out, I cut it out.

• 38:26Speaker 03

  No, I don't.

• 38:27Speaker 01

  I cut it out, too.

• 38:28H. Foley?

  Slices me up down there.

• 38:30Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 38:30H. Foley?

  Bad.

• 38:31Speaker 03

  I'm sorry, that, that doesn't sound comfortable.

• 38:33H. Foley?

  Ah, it hurts.

• 38:34Speaker 01

  Turns it into a hammock.

• 38:38Speaker 01

  Ah.

• 38:41Speaker 03

  Why don't you just buy bathing suits that don't have the mesh?

• 38:44H. Foley?

  I thought that was just board shorts and those things don't have elastic waistbands.

• 38:49Speaker 03

  I think you can, there's a lot of bathing suit companies out there. You could do, you could find something that suited all your needs.

• 38:56H. Foley?

  Cause I brought it, I brought, I bought a nice bathing suit from, uh, with the whale one, Boneyard? No.

• 39:01Speaker 03

  Vineyard Vines.

• 39:02H. Foley?

  Yes.

• 39:03Speaker 03

  Boneyard.

• 39:04Speaker 01

  It was a Boneyard when you got done with it.

• 39:07H. Foley?

  I got a nice one.

• 39:08Speaker 01

  That whale, that whale wasn't happy.

• 39:09H. Foley?

  I got a nice one there for, for when I was over in Hawaii for the wedding and I, I was trying to fucking rip the mesh out with, uh,

• 39:17Speaker 03

  With your teeth.

• 39:17H. Foley?

  With the can opener, cause that's all that was in the thing. And I ended up ripping the bathing suit.

• 39:21Speaker 03

  Even worse, yeah.

• 39:22H. Foley?

  So I had to wear the same bathing suit the whole time.

• 39:24Speaker 03

  I'm saying there are companies that make bathing suits you won't have to amputate in order to feel comfortable wearing their, their bathing suit.

• 39:31H. Foley?

  Okay.

• 39:32Speaker 03

  Their trunks. Yeah.

• 39:34Speaker 01

  Not gonna take him up on that, are you? I've been, I, he doesn't do anything. He just complains about the clothes that he has.

• 39:40H. Foley?

  It'd be nice if Francis took me shopping.

• 39:42Speaker 03

  Yeah, we could do that. I like that. That'd be fun.

• 39:44Speaker 01

  I took, I, what am I, chopped liver all of a sudden?

• 39:47H. Foley?

  You got me one shirt.

• 39:48Speaker 01

  I got your nicest shirt you own, Brooks Brothers, that you then wore every day until you wore a hole in it.

• 39:52H. Foley?

  My shacket.

• 39:53Speaker 03

  We gotta go to this place in Denver, I'm telling you. Do you guys have any shows coming up there?

• 39:57Speaker 01

  Not yet.

• 39:57H. Foley?

  Not on the books right now, but we're due to be back there soon.

• 39:59Speaker 01

  We are due to be back.

• 40:00Speaker 03

  Go, go to this place. I'll get you the name and.

• 40:03H. Foley?

  They're not gonna have anything that fits me.

• 40:04Speaker 03

  They absolutely will. It's like work wear stuff.

• 40:07Speaker 01

  I, buddy, I'm.

• 40:08Speaker 03

  You know, it's, it's American made.

• 40:10H. Foley?

  4X.

• 40:11Speaker 03

  Carhartt shit. Cool.

• 40:13H. Foley?

  Everybody's wearing Carhartt now though.

• 40:15Speaker 03

  Yeah, Carhartt's great.

• 40:16Speaker 01

  This is Dickies.

• 40:18H. Foley?

  I gotta find my brand.

• 40:19Speaker 03

  What do you mean? Everyone's wearing Carhartt now. I'm giving you good brands and answers and now all of a sudden you're saying, well, that's, that's, that's yesterday's clothing brand. I, I need the new and the new cutting edge. I can't be seen wearing the same thing everyone else is wearing.

• 40:35Speaker 01

  As you're currently wearing a Pink Hugh style Dilbert shirt.

• 40:39H. Foley?

  This is, this is okay.

• 40:40Speaker 03

  That looks lilac to me.

• 40:41Speaker 01

  Oh.

• 40:43Speaker 03

  We'll call that lilac.

• 40:47Speaker 03

  Bordering on lavender.

• 40:48H. Foley?

  I call it raspberry yogurt.

• 40:50Speaker 01

  I call it, you washed it with a red sock, I think.

• 40:54Speaker 01

  If I had to guess.

• 40:56H. Foley?

  Do you stick to that very strictly? Do you only wash coloreds and whites together?

• 41:01Speaker 03

  I, I do. I do abide. But like, if I'll do, if I have some white socks or t-shirts that I need to be done quickly, because I'm running low on that.

• 41:11H. Foley?

  Sure.

• 41:12Speaker 03

  I'll throw those in with the colored.

• 41:13Speaker 01

  Do the batch you need.

• 41:14Speaker 03

  And just do it all on cold.

• 41:17H. Foley?

  Pretty good.

• 41:17Speaker 01

  Everything's on cold.

• 41:18H. Foley?

  He's put together, this guy. He is. Sharp kid.

• 41:21Speaker 03

  No, wait a second. There needs to be said, like, when I was married, you know, we had a division of chores.

• 41:28Speaker 01

  Sure.

• 41:29Speaker 03

  And, uh, that I had to sort of, like, she would do the laundry, I would do the dishes and cook, whatever. You know, let's call it, so when I went to live alone, there were definitely, like, stain removal was a skill I had to learn.

• 41:45Speaker 01

  Sure.

• 41:45Speaker 03

  Because she was our resident stain remover.

• 41:47Speaker 01

  Uh huh.

• 41:48Speaker 03

  And, um...

• 41:49H. Foley?

  He took a six-month class at Columbia for it.

• 41:52Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 41:52Speaker 01

  Did it at night.

• 41:53Speaker 03

  Part of learning to live alone and be on your own and be okay with that and stave off loneliness is becoming self-sufficient. So the skills of, you know, I, I do laundry almost obsessively to ignore...

• 42:10Speaker 01

  Fight off the demons.

• 42:11Speaker 03

  The fact that no one else is there to do it for me anymore.

• 42:14H. Foley?

  That's dark.

• 42:15Speaker 03

  If that's, you know, not to be sad.

• 42:18H. Foley?

  Try watching a little TV.

• 42:19Speaker 03

  Yeah. I do. I do while I'm doing laundry.

• 42:22H. Foley?

  Try pickleball.

• 42:24Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 42:25Speaker 01

  Do you do pickleball?

• 42:26Speaker 03

  Um, I have. I like pickleball.

• 42:28Speaker 01

  Or are you the classier paddle kind of guy?

• 42:30Speaker 03

  Yeah, good for you for saying it correctly, because a lot of people would say padel.

• 42:34Speaker 01

  I'm not a fucking asshole. I know Andrew Schultz.

• 42:36Speaker 03

  Yeah, yeah. But the problem with calling it paddle is that there's also paddle tennis, also known as platform tennis, and those two run in similar circles, because those are both very wealthy, like, high-end country club enclave.

• 42:52H. Foley?

  Are you talking about paddleball, like, on the beach?

• 42:55Speaker 03

  No.

• 42:57Speaker 03

  Paddle tennis is platform tennis, which is played in a wire fenced in court with a very rough court. It's a winter sport. The court's always heated, but it's outdoors.

• 43:08H. Foley?

  Huh.

• 43:09Speaker 03

  And then there's padel, paddle, as you correctly said, Kevin, where paddle is on turf and has glass walls with a little bit of wire.

• 43:19H. Foley?

  Okay.

• 43:19Speaker 01

  Now.

• 43:20Speaker 03

  Pretty similar.

• 43:21Speaker 01

  What?

• 43:21H. Foley?

  I'm out either way.

• 43:22Speaker 01

  I always thought squash was the fanciest one, and I only knew, I knew one rich kid that played squash.

• 43:27Speaker 03

  You could argue it is.

• 43:29Speaker 01

  Okay.

• 43:29Speaker 03

  I, I mean, in the, in the pantheon of elitist racket sports.

• 43:36Speaker 01

  That's a deep, that is a.

• 43:38Speaker 03

  I would say platform tennis is the most elite. Paddle is probably second. Squash would be third.

• 43:48H. Foley?

  That's racquetball.

• 43:50Speaker 03

  No. Squash and racquetball are slightly different. Racquetball is a much bouncier ball.

• 43:54H. Foley?

  Okay.

• 43:54Speaker 03

  Squash, the ball is very flat and, and doesn't bounce very high.

• 43:57H. Foley?

  Huh. I played racquetball once or twice on my own, man.

• 44:01Speaker 03

  Racquetball's fun.

• 44:02Speaker 01

  Yeah, if you're a heathen.

• 44:04Speaker 03

  Yep.

• 44:05Speaker 01

  Um, okay, alright.

• 44:06Speaker 03

  And then pickleball is, I would say, the most universal.

• 44:10Speaker 01

  That's like my, your aunt, you know?

• 44:12Speaker 03

  Yeah, someone can set up a Fisher Price net on a court in Washington Square Park and, you know, play with.

• 44:19Speaker 01

  Bang away.

• 44:19H. Foley?

  What'd you think about that guy kicking that dude in the face in that pickleball tournament a few months ago?

• 44:23Speaker 03

  Yeah, I saw that. Yeah, that was grotesque.

• 44:26H. Foley?

  What would your move have been?

• 44:27Speaker 03

  If he had done that to me?

• 44:29Speaker 01

  I think you're going down.

• 44:30Speaker 03

  Shoving the business end of the pickleball racket up his ass. What are you doing? You're fight, you're fighting me now.

• 44:37Speaker 01

  Sure.

• 44:38Speaker 03

  You know what I mean?

• 44:39Speaker 01

  That's not, that's not what a, that's a paddle man wouldn't do that.

• 44:41H. Foley?

  Sure.

• 44:42Speaker 03

  No, no, for sure not.

• 44:44Speaker 01

  Uh, you're a man of principle, right? You're, you block the shoulders, you know, people can't pass by, the parking. You're a very, uh, man of principle for society and rules.

• 44:55Speaker 03

  I like the unwritten rules. I like the unwritten rules, and I like, uh, people who abide by them.

• 45:02Speaker 01

  Mm-hmm.

• 45:02Speaker 03

  I think that society breaks down when people take liberties and say that, well, all these people are obeying by what we, by the social contract.

• 45:12Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 45:12Speaker 03

  But therefore I'm going to take advantage of these sheep.

• 45:15Speaker 01

  Of their agreement, yeah.

• 45:16Speaker 03

  These sheep who are just following along.

• 45:19Speaker 01

  Now, what, we were, uh, let's say you're at the grocery store.

• 45:24Speaker 03

  Sure.

• 45:24Speaker 01

  Which where you shopping nowadays, by the way?

• 45:26Speaker 03

  Whole Foods.

• 45:26Speaker 01

  Whole Foods?

• 45:27H. Foley?

  Religiously.

• 45:29Speaker 03

  Yeah, I just said, that's where I trust the quality of produce to, and fish, to be.

• 45:35Speaker 01

  What kind of fish you getting?

• 45:36Speaker 03

  I'll, I'll go cod. You know, um, salmon.

• 45:39H. Foley?

  You like the cod?

• 45:40Speaker 03

  Sam, I like the cod. I do a Mediterranean preparation with dill, blistered, uh, uh, tomatoes.

• 45:47H. Foley?

  Huh.

• 45:47Speaker 03

  And some garlic, and it's, um, yeah, a nice spice rub.

• 45:52Speaker 01

  Slipping out of my seat.

• 45:54Speaker 03

  It's pretty easy. Do you have an air fryer?

• 45:56H. Foley?

  I got a couple of tomatoes you can blister. Nothing on that?

• 46:00Speaker 01

  Rude.

• 46:01H. Foley?

  Uh, yeah, we do have an air fryer.

• 46:02Speaker 03

  Yeah, you gotta go air fryer. Air fryer is a revolutionary device.

• 46:04H. Foley?

  We actually do, when we do salmon, we'll do it in the air fryer.

• 46:07Speaker 03

  That's so good.

• 46:07H. Foley?

  And it kills it.

• 46:09Speaker 03

  So good. Do a nice salmon with a nice rub and then a little, uh, hot honey on, drizzle on top.

• 46:14H. Foley?

  Woo!

• 46:14Speaker 03

  Watch out.

• 46:15Speaker 01

  How often you cleaning that air fryer?

• 46:17Speaker 03

  I put it in the dishwasher.

• 46:19Speaker 01

  After each use?

• 46:20Speaker 03

  Tray is, yeah, yeah, especially fish.

• 46:23Speaker 01

  Oh, man, you do not wanna eat out of my air fryer.

• 46:25H. Foley?

  Do you do all the dishes, if you're making dinner at home for yourself?

• 46:28Speaker 03

  I cannot go to bed without the kitchen being spotless.

• 46:32H. Foley?

  Really?

• 46:32Speaker 03

  Yeah. Uh, again, these are fucking manifestations of probably loneliness.

• 46:38H. Foley?

  Shit, that's pretty good.

• 46:40Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 46:41H. Foley?

  I can let it ride.

• 46:42Speaker 01

  If it works, it's working, you know what I mean?

• 46:44Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 46:44Speaker 01

  Um, but say you're at Whole Foods, you're picking up, you know, a filet of salmon, you know?

• 46:50Speaker 03

  Really quick, they have.

• 46:51H. Foley?

  Oh, you wanna talk about salmon?

• 46:51Speaker 03

  They have, uh, Whole Foods now has this EU, uh.

• 46:56H. Foley?

  European Union?

• 46:56Speaker 03

  Organic, organic salmon. It's farm-raised, but it's organic, and it's cheaper.

• 47:02H. Foley?

  So what's the feed?

• 47:03Speaker 03

  I don't know what they're eating.

• 47:04H. Foley?

  Does it have the color of, uh, wild-caught?

• 47:06Speaker 03

  It looks nice.

• 47:07H. Foley?

  Huh.

• 47:08Speaker 03

  It looks nice. You know, you can't get the wild-caught king, which is the creme de la creme.

• 47:13Speaker 01

  It's the paddle.

• 47:14H. Foley?

  Sure.

• 47:14Speaker 03

  You can't get that fresh for most of the winter. That really has a small season.

• 47:20H. Foley?

  Right.

• 47:20Speaker 03

  And, um, they say it's not sustainably fished, you know, so, I don't know what, but, but it's like also thirty-four bucks a pound.

• 47:29H. Foley?

  It's expensive.

• 47:29Speaker 03

  It's insane. It's a special treat fish. It's a trophy fish.

• 47:34Speaker 01

  An STF.

• 47:35Speaker 03

  I only buy it if I've won a trophy.

• 47:38Speaker 01

  Which I've been killing it recently.

• 47:40Speaker 03

  Yeah, but um, the step, there's a couple of steps down, you know, you could go sockeye or Coho.

• 47:48H. Foley?

  Sockeye.

• 47:48Speaker 03

  Very lean, very lean, hard to cook because they're so lean.

• 47:52H. Foley?

  Hmm.

• 47:53Speaker 03

  They just get very dry, very quickly. But then there's, you know, your nice farm-raised whatever.

• 47:59H. Foley?

  Atlantic salmon.

• 47:59Speaker 03

  That's fine. That's fine.

• 48:01H. Foley?

  Is it? I thought that was real bad for you.

• 48:02Speaker 03

  Who knows, man? Who knows?

• 48:05H. Foley?

  Cause of the feed they put in.

• 48:06Speaker 03

  I tell you what.

• 48:06Speaker 01

  Can't only do so much laundry, dude.

• 48:07Speaker 03

  If your, if your vice was that every night you were eating farm-raised salmon, you could probably stop getting those rosupastatin refills pretty soon. Tell you what, I just can't get enough of it. I know it's killing me.

• 48:23H. Foley?

  I'm a grass-fed kinda man.

• 48:24Speaker 03

  I know the problem is the farm-raised Atlantic salmon I eat every night.

• 48:29Speaker 01

  He does that.

• 48:29H. Foley?

  Doc, it's all climate change.

• 48:32Speaker 01

  He had a matcha tea today. I'm like, we're gonna hear about this for the next three weeks.

• 48:35H. Foley?

  I had a nice matcha tea.

• 48:36Speaker 03

  Matcha tea's nice.

• 48:37Speaker 01

  You gotta get off that call, matcha tea.

• 48:40H. Foley?

  Cause the caffeine has, hits me too hard. And then I have like a little crash from it, and then my sugar goes a little low and I gotta have a little something sweet to bring it up.

• 48:48Speaker 03

  A lot of people are switching to matcha. I've never heard anyone call it matcha tea though.

• 48:52H. Foley?

  Really? Is that cause of the thing like chai is chai?

• 48:55Speaker 03

  It's uh, it's just redundant, I think. I think everyone knows that matcha is.

• 48:59H. Foley?

  I'm a redundant kinda guy.

• 49:00Speaker 03

  Tea, yeah.

• 49:02H. Foley?

  Cheeseburger, cheeseburger.

• 49:03Speaker 03

  Uh, it'd be like saying, yeah, I had an espresso coffee today. A cup of espresso coffee.

• 49:12H. Foley?

  Espresso, by the way.

• 49:13Speaker 03

  Espresso falls under the family of coffee.

• 49:15Speaker 01

  Of coffee, yes.

• 49:16H. Foley?

  Sure.

• 49:17Speaker 03

  But, but my point.

• 49:18H. Foley?

  I had an espresso there tonight. Zambuca with it.

• 49:22Speaker 03

  Nice.

• 49:23H. Foley?

  Not an asshole.

• 49:24Speaker 03

  That's a nice little touch.

• 49:25Speaker 01

  Mostly whipped cream.

• 49:28Speaker 03

  There is the, there is the organic EU salmon, which, which is a nice middle ground. It's like 20 bucks a pound.

• 49:36H. Foley?

  And what's your fruit? What do you like to pull in fruit? What's your order look like? Walk me through.

• 49:41Speaker 03

  What's my basket at Whole Foods look like?

• 49:43H. Foley?

  Is that what you gotta, you bring your own bag, don't you?

• 49:44Speaker 03

  The handbag, or the handbag basket.

• 49:46H. Foley?

  You bring a bag with you?

• 49:47Speaker 03

  I try to remember to. They, they, you know, they don't look at you well if you don't.

• 49:52H. Foley?

  Sure. But you can buy them there.

• 49:55Speaker 03

  I don't do that. I have too many.

• 49:56Speaker 01

  And what do you put in your pockets?

• 49:58Speaker 03

  I have, if, if I don't bring bags, then I do the paper bags.

• 50:01Speaker 01

  Oh, okay, okay.

• 50:02Speaker 03

  And they don't like you to do that.

• 50:04Speaker 01

  Yeah, fuck them.

• 50:04Speaker 03

  They look at you judgmentally.

• 50:06H. Foley?

  They're all fucking balls.

• 50:07Speaker 01

  The people who work for Amazon, they judge you? What are we doing here? What are we doing? Come on.

• 50:13H. Foley?

  Give me a farm-raised salmon, let me get out of here.

• 50:14Speaker 01

  It's not like I'm bringing my own plastic bags. I'm buying a goddamn brown bag that you sell.

• 50:17H. Foley?

  I'm surprised you're a cod man. So, back to your basket. What's your basket?

• 50:21Speaker 03

  Uh, okay, we're starting in the produce section. I'm getting a...

• 50:25H. Foley?

  And what are you getting for a couple of days of the week?

• 50:27Speaker 03

  Depends on how long I'm in town for. I, I always think ahead. I don't like throwing out food.

• 50:33H. Foley?

  Okay.

• 50:33Speaker 03

  I feel stupid if I have to toss food out.

• 50:37H. Foley?

  I'm with you.

• 50:37Speaker 03

  I don't eat it all before I leave.

• 50:39H. Foley?

  I got a couple of avocados that'd love to be at your house right now.

• 50:42Speaker 03

  Yeah. You know, you can put those in the fridge and they, they really last. If you catch them before they've...

• 50:48Speaker 01

  Go.

• 50:49Speaker 03

  They're up past their prime.

• 50:50H. Foley?

  Uh huh.

• 50:51Speaker 03

  They, they're fine in the fridge.

• 50:52H. Foley?

  Will you eat it with a little black stuff in there?

• 50:54Speaker 03

  Uh, yeah.

• 50:55Speaker 01

  Cut it out or you eat the black?

• 50:56Speaker 03

  I don't, it depends on how dark it is.

• 50:59H. Foley?

  It tastes like pennies.

• 51:00Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 51:01H. Foley?

  I lose it.

• 51:01Speaker 01

  Sometimes they're too stringy too. It's like, what the hell are the shoelaces in here, dude? Shit's whack.

• 51:06Speaker 03

  I'm with you.

• 51:07H. Foley?

  Those things go quick.

• 51:09Speaker 01

  Sometimes I'll open one and just chuck it. I go, I'm not having avocado.

• 51:12Speaker 03

  I get it. I get it. I don't have a problem with that. Uh, produce. We're doing bananas, organic bananas, a bunch. And I count them out because I eat one a day with my breakfast. Um, I'm going, uh, broccoli, like a big head of broccoli.

• 51:26H. Foley?

  Okay.

• 51:27Speaker 03

  Uh, I'm going sweet potatoes. That's a huge staple. Uh, because you can just microwave sweet potatoes and they come out perfectly.

• 51:35Speaker 03

  I go, might do some carrots because I like to roast carrots.

• 51:39H. Foley?

  Gentlemen. I like to do. Do the tri-color or the straight up?

• 51:42Speaker 03

  Yeah, tri-colors are nice.

• 51:43H. Foley?

  Look at you.

• 51:43Speaker 03

  I like that. Tri-colored carrots.

• 51:45Speaker 01

  Kids good.

• 51:46Speaker 03

  I'll do, um, Brussels. I love Brussels sprouts. And, um, and then I move from there on to fish. You know, I'll get a couple proteins.

• 51:55Speaker 01

  Heavy fish diet?

• 51:56Speaker 03

  Yeah, a lot of fish. And then if I'm, if I'm, you know, treating myself over the weekend and I know I'm gonna be cooking over the weekend, I'll do a steak. I'll do a nice steak.

• 52:05Speaker 01

  Kind of cut you doing?

• 52:06Speaker 03

  Probably, uh, either a New York strip or, uh, I don't know. Maybe a tomahawk if I'm like.

• 52:16Speaker 01

  Jesus Christ.

• 52:16Speaker 03

  If I'm really balling out, you know?

• 52:19Speaker 01

  A golden crust of tomahawk.

• 52:20Speaker 03

  You'll make yourself a dinner like that and sit, sit at the table and eat it? That's lonely.

• 52:25H. Foley?

  That's, that's a real lonely.

• 52:26Speaker 03

  Luckily, I have laundry going.

• 52:28Speaker 01

  The sound of the dryer dog, man.

• 52:30Speaker 03

  Ambient noise.

• 52:31H. Foley?

  You still serve it family style on the table?

• 52:33Speaker 03

  Yes.

• 52:34Speaker 01

  He's playing all the characters.

• 52:35Speaker 03

  I have my, my clothes drying out. They can't go in the dryer, just sitting on the chairs around me. Yeah, how's the wine treating you?

• 52:43H. Foley?

  Francis, how was school today?

• 52:46Speaker 03

  I figured a man of your cashmere would love the Riesling.

• 52:49Speaker 01

  Would you like more tri-color carrots, Mr. Scarf?

• 52:54Speaker 01

  Oh, God. Okay.

• 52:56Speaker 03

  It's like I'm just honoring ghosts.

• 52:57Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 53:00Speaker 01

  All right, let's say you got your basket. You're all set for the couple, two, three days, whatever it is. You got your tomahawk, you got your whole, let's, I don't know what it is at Whole Foods, but the mark off for the express lane, if they, they have to do express lane, like 12 items or less or 15 or less. Right?

• 53:15Speaker 03

  Uh, yeah, I mean, it's where I, the one I go to, it's either, uh, self-checkout or, you know, someone who's gonna help you.

• 53:23H. Foley?

  He's probably counting grapes at the fucking express.

• 53:25Speaker 01

  Well, that's what I'm saying. Say you're, well, you get into, if you are in that position, uh, you know, 12 items or less and say you got 15 items.

• 53:34Speaker 03

  It's a great question.

• 53:34Speaker 01

  What is the cutoff point for you? Obviously, it's a gentleman's handshake. Hey, we're agreeing. You got 14, you can hop in, no problems. But is there, and would you ever say anything to anybody? If someone's in front of you with a full cart unloaded?

• 53:46H. Foley?

  He's blocking traffic on the GW. What are you talking about?

• 53:50Speaker 03

  Such a great question. That's such a great illustration of the unwritten rules. And one that unfortunately, no, I, I would not police that.

• 54:00Speaker 01

  Okay.

• 54:01Speaker 03

  I wouldn't.

• 54:01Speaker 01

  It's not your fight.

• 54:03Speaker 03

  If someone has 20-

• 54:04Speaker 01

  Bazos has to get down here.

• 54:05Speaker 03

  Someone has 20 items in their cart, right? And they go to the 12 items or fewer line. Those eight extra items, how much time is that taking up? That I would have? Do you know what I mean?

• 54:21Speaker 01

  Half a minute.

• 54:21Speaker 03

  You're talking 30 seconds. Every car that goes by on the shoulder while I'm sitting in traffic, that then merges in ahead, is adding probably a minute or two to my life.

• 54:33Speaker 01

  Sure.

• 54:34Speaker 03

  And you can only take so many minutes of your commute home getting longer and longer- before you say-

• 54:41Speaker 01

  Before you kill somebody.

• 54:42Speaker 03

  Fuck that. If-

• 54:45Speaker 01

  Sure.

• 54:45H. Foley?

  Before you kill everybody on the third bike.

• 54:46Speaker 03

  If the person in the 12 or fewer line had 20 items in their thing, and they're standing there, and they're adding more items to their basket, and it's really starting to get up towards 25, 30, then I might say something. Hey, listen, you're not even fucking close.

• 55:04Speaker 01

  We got a rule here.

• 55:07Speaker 03

  Do you see the sign?

• 55:08Speaker 01

  Uh huh.

• 55:09Speaker 03

  You know? If they're ahead of me.

• 55:12Speaker 01

  If they're behind you, it's not your problem.

• 55:13Speaker 03

  I'm not really, well, see-

• 55:15Speaker 01

  But you're a man of honor.

• 55:17Speaker 03

  You have to stand up for the people who don't have a voice.

• 55:19H. Foley?

  But that mean you'd be turning around scoping the line like a psycho.

• 55:24Speaker 01

  Welcome to the ship.

• 55:24Speaker 03

  But if I'm not gonna do it, who will?

• 55:26Speaker 01

  Yes, see? He's Batman.

• 55:28Speaker 03

  Yes.

• 55:29H. Foley?

  Ask him how he would react to your situation in the line with a guy trying to cut you off at getting on the plane.

• 55:35Speaker 01

  Right. I was flying, a guy got, for some reason, everybody tried to cut in front of me. I was, we were, I was going to Germany, flying up front, as you do, you know? But guy cut in front of me, right? You were kinda in my head, I also had about four or five beers in me at this point, waiting.

• 55:54H. Foley?

  He was drunk.

• 55:55Speaker 01

  I was drunk, and a guy stepped in front of me, and I had already, I'd already checked one or two people, and now the people around me are vibing that I'm kinda the guy.

• 56:06Speaker 03

  Why are you being cut? Are you-

• 56:09Speaker 01

  I-

• 56:10H. Foley?

  Cause he's a pussy.

• 56:11Speaker 03

  Are you like, looking around? Are you missing them?

• 56:15Speaker 01

  What do you mean?

• 56:16Speaker 03

  Are they just, are you absent minded?

• 56:18Speaker 01

  Well, the lines are all, hey, the lines are all fucking conglomerated.

• 56:22Speaker 03

  Yeah, yeah.

• 56:22Speaker 01

  Right? Cause they're like-

• 56:23H. Foley?

  That's not the right word.

• 56:25Speaker 03

  I get it though.

• 56:26Speaker 01

  It's a melting pot. What do you want from me?

• 56:28Speaker 03

  It's a confluence of streams.

• 56:30Speaker 01

  That's exactly what I was gonna say.

• 56:32Speaker 03

  Where rivers merge to one.

• 56:33Speaker 01

  Sure, like a tributary.

• 56:35Speaker 03

  There you go.

• 56:36Speaker 01

  Hear what I said there?

• 56:36H. Foley?

  Brackish water.

• 56:37Speaker 01

  So, um...

• 56:39Speaker 03

  No, it would all be fresh. Farm-raised, but fresh.

• 56:43Speaker 01

  EU-certified.

• 56:44Speaker 03

  I'm gonna call you, I'm gonna call it if we miss the mark on something.

• 56:47Speaker 01

  Sure, I appreciate it. Um, so, it was all mix mash and then somebody came in and was like, "Oh, this is group... Ah, I'm group two," but they were in the group three and they just, I just go, "Hey buddy, line starts back there." But then the next guy came, and at this point, I had already had, I was like, "Oh, so what's this guy gonna fight me in an airport? Like, you know, this is the one place, he's not gonna fight you." Good-looking guy, pretty big, nice suit on him, German guy, probably fucked me up.

• 57:11H. Foley?

  Sharp dude.

• 57:11Speaker 01

  Sharp dude. He starts merging over, like, he's standing not in the line. He's like, "Oh, what's going on?" Slowly, just, you know, inch...

• 57:19H. Foley?

  He's already hot.

• 57:20Speaker 01

  Inch by inch, kinda, I'm like, "If he breaks, if he breaks my line of shoulder," you know what I mean? Like, if he gets into, in front of me, I gotta, so he got in front of me and I fucking boop-boop, tapped him on the shoulder. I said, "Excuse me, sir, what group are you?" And he goes, "I'm group one." I go, "Oh, they already, oh, it's great, they already boarded. You can go board then," because they had just boarded. And he goes, "Ah," he's not group one, he's group two, and he's, he lied to me. So he tries this, and he's like, "Ah, nah, I'm group one." I go, "Good for you, man. There you go, you get on."

• 57:50Speaker 03

  You knew, did you know?

• 57:51Speaker 01

  I know he's not, there's seven guys that are group one.

• 57:53H. Foley?

  He also doesn't just think he's a pussy, he thinks he's stupid.

• 57:57Speaker 01

  Me?

• 57:58H. Foley?

  Yeah.

• 57:58Speaker 03

  And he's...

• 57:59Speaker 01

  I think you think I'm a pussy.

• 58:01Speaker 03

  And he's, he's playing stupid himself.

• 58:03Speaker 01

  Yes.

• 58:04Speaker 03

  And hoping that he'll, he'll get away with it.

• 58:07Speaker 01

  Yeah, so he goes, "Oh, I'm..."

• 58:08H. Foley?

  That this bozo won't realize what's going on.

• 58:11Speaker 01

  "I'm just looking for my friend." "Oh, I know, I'm just looking for my friend."

• 58:15Speaker 03

  I'm so happy about this story. I love it. It's just delicious.

• 58:19Speaker 01

  So then he's got a, now he, the, the power has shifted, because like, he was just like, "I'm gonna, this guy, nobody's gonna say anything." And he's being the dick, like, I'm, I don't, everybody's agreed that this is how you do it, I'm gonna say fuck that and, you know, no one's gonna have the balls to say something. I said something, and now... He thought, he's like, I'm looking for, and now he's fake looking. And I'm like, that guy's gotta go home. I was like, yeah, he's like, maybe he's in the back. I'm like, yeah, get the fuck out of here. And he went back. So I go, that guy's gotta fly the whole time going, man, I just had to, I just fake looked for a guy at a terminal. Like, that makes me so happy that I'm like, he's gonna put his head on the pillow and go, man, I, I acted not, and not well.

• 58:56Speaker 03

  Yes.

• 58:57Speaker 01

  That I was looking for someone.

• 58:57Speaker 03

  And, and, and maybe, maybe it means he will be less likely to do that again.

• 59:02Speaker 01

  To do it again, he got caught.

• 59:03Speaker 03

  And that is how the world works more efficiently.

• 59:06Speaker 01

  That's it. Me and Francis are starting a podcast.

• 59:08Speaker 03

  It's efficiency. I love efficiency. This shit doesn't happen in Japan.

• 59:12Speaker 01

  It's all about stains and standing up for yourself.

• 59:15Speaker 03

  It doesn't happen in Japan. It doesn't happen in Sweden. It doesn't happen in, in places where people just like, do the shit that they're supposed to.

• 59:24Speaker 01

  Nobody's cutting the line in Sweden.

• 59:26Speaker 03

  I get it. No.

• 59:27Speaker 01

  Oh, that chocolate? You can go over there and take over.

• 59:31Speaker 03

  I don't think so. Look, I, I know that we are a country that is built on questioning authority and rebelling. That is in our DNA.

• 59:41Speaker 01

  Get in the head at any cost, baby.

• 59:43Speaker 03

  We're also a country that complains to no end. About things that don't work. And a lot of the reason that things don't work is because people aren't doing it the right fucking way, which is obvious.

• 59:56Speaker 01

  Sure.

• 59:57Speaker 03

  A lot of the time, it's obvious. We all know how it's supposed to work and people just refuse because they're assholes. And that's how things break down. That guy's an asshole.

• 1:00:08Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:00:08Speaker 03

  That guy that you, and you called him out. There's a way that that's supposed to work. Group one, group two, we know, everybody knows.

• 1:00:15Speaker 01

  So you would have done the same thing. Somebody cuts in front of you, it's on.

• 1:00:18Speaker 03

  Yeah, I would have definitely spoken to that guy.

• 1:00:20Speaker 01

  What a fucking, give him a tombstone. What are you talking about? Fucking pile driver.

• 1:00:23Speaker 03

  I love that you handled, you handled it with grace.

• 1:00:26Speaker 01

  Thank you.

• 1:00:26Speaker 03

  Because I might have.

• 1:00:27Speaker 01

  Don't tell him that. Thank you.

• 1:00:29Speaker 03

  Yeah, you didn't like, you didn't like.

• 1:00:30Speaker 01

  He handled it with hops and barley.

• 1:00:31Speaker 03

  Back of the line, dickhead.

• 1:00:33Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:00:33Speaker 03

  You know, you, you get, you let him hang himself.

• 1:00:36Speaker 01

  That's what, that's what, then I'd never operate like that, you know? And we're, we're, we're, we're, we're cut from more of the cloth of, you know, I fuck my boy, you, you think it's not better than my like.

• 1:00:46Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 1:00:46Speaker 01

  I thought, I paid for this type thing. Where I was just like, you know, you know what? I'll let you embarrass yourself.

• 1:00:52Speaker 03

  If you see something, say something.

• 1:00:53Speaker 01

  Here's this guy's like a titan of industry. He's wearing a suit. I assume he's got a pretty good job. I don't know. He's flying, he's flying business class. He thinks he's better than me and then he's gotta do this. Like, you know what I mean? Like, he's gotta go to a shareholders meeting and being the guy that did this 'cause some fat bald drunk guy said, "Sir, I don't think you, I don't think this is your group."

• 1:01:12Speaker 03

  So good. Good for you.

• 1:01:13Speaker 01

  There you go. You hear that?

• 1:01:14H. Foley?

  It came out. "I ain't very fast, piece of shit."

• 1:01:19Speaker 01

  I spit out on my accident, that's why.

• 1:01:21Speaker 03

  That makes me so happy. What a great story.

• 1:01:23Speaker 01

  Thank you. Aw, man, you hear that? Love it. But we gotta wrap it up, gang.

• 1:01:27H. Foley?

  What a fun one.

• 1:01:27Speaker 01

  Woo, what a great one.

• 1:01:28H. Foley?

  Mr. Ellis, we love you, buddy.

• 1:01:30Speaker 03

  Thank you. I love you guys, always.

• 1:01:31H. Foley?

  Always great to have you. In a little touch tone, you know what I mean? If I know the right and wrong things to do.

• 1:01:37Speaker 01

  Sure, yes.

• 1:01:38Speaker 03

  Very good.

• 1:01:38Speaker 01

  A man of honor.

• 1:01:39H. Foley?

  Stay on my roasting. Yours cherry flavored? Cause mine is...

• 1:01:44Speaker 03

  You're chewing them?

• 1:01:46H. Foley?

  What, you're not? I gotta get that shit in me quick.

• 1:01:50H. Foley?

  What do you got coming up? You want the folks out there to know?

• 1:01:51Speaker 03

  I'll be in DC this weekend.

• 1:01:53Speaker 01

  Okay.

• 1:01:54Speaker 03

  At the Comedy Loft and then Providence in April.

• 1:01:58H. Foley?

  Providence.

• 1:01:58Speaker 03

  And then I'll be, oh, in New Jersey at the Stress Factory in March. I think it's March 8th, Saturday.

• 1:02:05Speaker 01

  Love it.

• 1:02:05Speaker 03

  Uh, yeah. So, tickets at punchup.live/francesEllis.

• 1:02:09H. Foley?

  Very nice. Let's do him on Son of a Boy Dad. Check him out over there on Barstool. One of the funniest, one of the best, one of the coolest guys. We love you, buddy.

• 1:02:15Speaker 01

  Yeah, man, one of my faves.

• 1:02:16Speaker 03

  Love you both.

• 1:02:17H. Foley?

  What do you got for them?

• 1:02:17Speaker 01

  Guys, we're all over the road as well. Second show at it in Pontiac, Michigan at the Crow Football Room. Uh, low ticket alert on all the shows, uh, and some of them are during the week, so we can't add a second show. So, get your tickets now. Act while supplies last.

• 1:02:33H. Foley?

  Francis, we love you.

• 1:02:34Speaker 01

  Yeah, man.

• 1:02:34Speaker 03

  Thanks, guys.

• 1:02:35H. Foley?

  Gang, we love you. We'll see you next week.

• 1:02:37Speaker 03

  Peace.