TBT: Renee Graziano

Renee Graziano of Mob Wives fame joins Bunnie for a no-holds-barred conversation about surviving years of abuse, addiction and trauma, and her incredible journey to becoming a recovery advocate. Renee holds nothing back as she spills all the details about tumultuous time on Mob Wives, dealing with the painful loss of her father, sobriety and how she became the tough-as-nails fairy grandmother she is today. Watch Full Episodes & More: www.dumbblondeunrated.com

Speaker names marked ? are inferred from speaking time and the show’s known hosts — they are not voice-verified.

• 0:00Bunnie XO?

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• 0:45Bunnie XO?

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• 0:49Speaker 01

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• 1:01Bunnie XO?

  12 celebrities, one Don. And cold, hard cash from the producers of Traitors comes The Mob, a new Hulu original series, now streaming on Hulu and Hulu on Disney+ and this unique new reality competition show hosted by the iconic Parker Posey. What up, girl? 12 celebrity contestants are about to become members of a powerful family for two weeks in a lavish Italian villa. They'll shake down and hustle to win a share of up to $250,000. And every good mob needs a Don. Whoever they choose to lead them will have absolute power deciding who stays and who gets taken out, who makes money and who walks away with nothing. In a game of power where loyalty and trust are the currency, will the

• 1:43Bunnie XO?

  most powerful reality contestant in TV history be able to keep the family happy? And if they're overthrown by the mob, who's gonna step up and become the new Don? Let the games begin. Watch The Mob, now streaming on Hulu and Hulu on Disney+ For bundle subscribers, terms apply. I'll be tuning in. What's up, guys? Don't forget to sub to Patreon so that you can see the visuals, because not only do we have episodes of the podcast, we have exclusive content that nobody else sees on any other apps, behind the scenes, photo shoots, and we're dropping a whole bunch of surprising stuff this year. So if you guys don't want to miss out and you want to be the first to know, go over to our Patreon, www.dumbblondeunrated.com. Love ya.

• 2:26Bunnie XO?

  Is this thing on?

• 2:27Speaker 02

  Bonnie, who used to be a former sex worker and now hosts the podcast Dumb Blonde.

• 2:32Bunnie XO?

  Most little girls grow up wanting to be doctors and lawyers and shit. And I was like, I want to be super hot, make a lot of fucking money and be a rock star's wife. That was my goal as a child and here we are. What's up you sexy motherfuckers? Welcome to another episode of Dumb Blonde. Today, we have our fairy mob mother here. This is Renee Graziano. How are you doing mama?

• 2:54Speaker 03

  I'm wonderful. It's such a pleasure to meet you.

• 2:57Bunnie XO?

  Dude, I'm so happy you're here. You're so striking in person. Like you're beautiful online too, but you're just so striking.

• 3:02Speaker 03

  No, I'm prettier in person.

• 3:03Bunnie XO?

  I love it.

• 3:04Speaker 03

  And I'm smaller.

• 3:05Bunnie XO?

  You're tiny.

• 3:06Speaker 03

  Yeah, people, people will always think I'm taller. I'm actually, you know, I did just lose like almost 20 pounds. So I am a little bit smaller than normal, but thank you.

• 3:15Bunnie XO?

  It's your presence online that makes, that makes people think you're bigger than you are. Because you are such a, just a power, power woman, like a powerful woman.

• 3:26Speaker 03

  Thank you.

• 3:26Bunnie XO?

  Like any room you walk in, you demand attention, so.

• 3:29Speaker 03

  Yeah, I, I think that's where my addiction comes from.

• 3:34Bunnie XO?

  I love that.

• 3:35Speaker 03

  Absolutely.

• 3:36Bunnie XO?

  We'll definitely get into that, but I mean, you are a real Sicilian princess.

• 3:41Speaker 03

  Yeah. I would, my father spared no expense on any one of his daughters. Like, I miss him terribly. It'll, we're coming up on five years and um, my life was really very much like a movie. And I think that's another reason why addiction played such a really big part in my life. But growing up with like a mob boss as a father and you could do no wrong. And everybody else was wrong. It was like the perfect combination. It was the perfect storm for me.

• 4:16Bunnie XO?

  Absolutely. And so for those of, um, those people who don't know, who is your father?

• 4:22Speaker 03

  Uh, my father is Anthony Graziano. He was the consigliere of the Bonanno crime family.

• 4:29Bunnie XO?

  That sounds powerful.

• 4:30Speaker 03

  It doesn't he? You know, and, and my father's story is quite remarkable. Uh, no higher than an eighth grade education. Um, you know, when he passed away, I found out that the first time he was ever arrested was for robbing cornflakes to feed his sisters. And he lived in a trailer um with newspaper as the um shades and uh his mom's boyfriend was sexually molesting his sisters and at twelve my father was shipped off because the man suddenly died in an electrical fire. So.

• 5:10Bunnie XO?

  Do we think dad had something to do with that allegedly?

• 5:13Speaker 03

  I hope he did.

• 5:14Bunnie XO?

  Yeah, anybody that hurts children, anybody that hurts children deserves.

• 5:17Speaker 03

  I hu- I hope he did. I truly do because for me, I now it makes so much more sense. Why he was the way he was with us, like we had to be covered and you couldn't do this and you couldn't wear a bikini. And I was always like, what's wrong with my father, you know, and it was like God forbid, you said you had your period. It was like you couldn't come out of the like your room. I remember I had my first breast reduction at like eighteen.

• 5:41Bunnie XO?

  Wow.

• 5:42Speaker 03

  Yeah, oh yeah, I had an F breast naturally. Yeah, I think God made me upside down and backwards, so my ass was flat and my boobs were huge.

• 5:49Bunnie XO?

  Stop it.

• 5:50Speaker 03

  Yeah, I kid you not, my nickname was Sheet Rock, okay, so you wonder why I have all these like, you know.

• 5:56Bunnie XO?

  Who nicknamed you Sheet Rock?

• 5:58Speaker 03

  Well, okay, so my ex brother in law named me SpongeBob SquarePants. And then my ex husband, that evil bastard, that rat, no good prick.

• 6:07Bunnie XO?

  We'll get into him later.

• 6:08Speaker 03

  Yeah, we will. Um, yeah, I was just always picked on.

• 6:12Bunnie XO?

  That is terrible and you don't look like Sheet Rock. You're beautiful.

• 6:16Speaker 03

  Because I got my ass done like four times.

• 6:19Bunnie XO?

  And we're gonna talk about that too. So circling back to childhood. Um, you know, your dad was this huge mobster and what was life like for you? Did you guys talk about it? Were you allowed to say the word mob? Like, I know I've talked to the other girls and they all have such different upbringings where like Ramona's family did not talk about it.

• 6:37Speaker 03

  Not at all.

• 6:38Bunnie XO?

  But Karen's family, they were just like, you know.

• 6:41Speaker 03

  Okay, so so Ramona's grandfather and my father were very dear friends, same family.

• 6:46Bunnie XO?

  Right.

• 6:47Speaker 03

  So they were very close. Um, so growing up. All I knew is my father worked, like, most fathers work nine to five. My father worked five to nine.

• 6:58Bunnie XO?

  Right.

• 6:59Speaker 03

  So it was the opposite in the hours. And there were times that he, you know, wasn't home. But it was not something that we would ever question because you're not allowed to ask questions.

• 7:09Bunnie XO?

  Right.

• 7:10Speaker 03

  However, when I was about sixteen, I remember being in, um, Pastels, which was, you know, the nightclub in Brooklyn. And I was at the end of the boat with my best friend Teddy Persico. And a man comes over and he introduced, Teddy introduced me. He said, oh, this is TG's daughter. And he said, yeah, yeah, her father's the captain. I go, my father doesn't drive a boat. He goes, what? I go, he doesn't sail a ship, Teddy. Tell this guy. But I didn't know what the words were.

• 7:36Bunnie XO?

  Gotcha. And they're looking at you like.

• 7:39Speaker 03

  I went home, Teddy's going, shut up, shut up. I go home, I go, dad, is there something you want to tell me? I was like, is that why you're not home on the weekends? Or he's like, what are you talking about? And I was like, you're a captain. And he was like, oh my God, sit down. And it was like this moment of you don't ever ask a question like that. Understand, you're a little different than everybody else. And I didn't know what it meant, but I started to understand because I had like that flashback when these kids in fourth or fifth grade glued an article of my dad to my desk. Yeah, so, you know, there were two young girls that I went to school with that bullied me. And, um, one of the girls, her father was found in a trunk. So.

• 8:22Bunnie XO?

  I love how you say that so matter-of-factly.

• 8:24Speaker 03

  I know. So this is, you know what's crazy? Because now I finally realized all these things gave me trauma. Which I never knew they did.

• 8:31Bunnie XO?

  Absolutely, baby.

• 8:32Speaker 03

  But it was normal to me.

• 8:33Bunnie XO?

  Trauma starts at the moment of conception. So like if your mom and dad were fighting her pregnancy, that's trauma. Like you, the minute conception starts, trauma.

• 8:43Speaker 03

  Really?

• 8:44Bunnie XO?

  Mm-hmm.

• 8:45Speaker 03

  Oh, that makes so- oh, wow. I gotta get my son into therapy immediately.

• 8:50Bunnie XO?

  Were you, were you close to your mom growing up?

• 8:53Speaker 03

  Um, closer to my father.

• 8:54Bunnie XO?

  Yeah.

• 8:55Speaker 03

  I'm like my father's twin, but I was also born very sick.

• 8:58Bunnie XO?

  Mm.

• 8:59Speaker 03

  So I had spinal taps for the first six months of my life. I'm the only addict in my family.

• 9:04Bunnie XO?

  Mm-hmm.

• 9:05Speaker 03

  Um, well, I'm the only confessed addict in my family for drugs and alcohol. Not alcohol, actually, drugs. Um, I'm sure my father was an addict because of his lifestyle.

• 9:16Bunnie XO?

  Yeah.

• 9:16Speaker 03

  You know what I mean? All that stuff that goes along with the mob. My sister Jennifer threw herself into work. You know, everybody has an addiction. Mine just resulted in drugs.

• 9:27Bunnie XO?

  Right.

• 9:28Speaker 03

  You know?

• 9:28Bunnie XO?

  So when you were born, you had to have spinal taps, which is trauma, right there?

• 9:33Speaker 03

  Yep.

• 9:33Bunnie XO?

  For you to, so you came out of the womb already having trauma.

• 9:37Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 9:37Bunnie XO?

  Growing up, you, like you said, you did not know that your father was in the mob. How did they hide that from you?

• 9:42Speaker 03

  Um, okay, so I remember I was thirteen when I first experienced, uh, the feds broke down the doors and like sledgehammers. And they came in to get my father and I remember like losing my mind and saying, "You're not taking him." And like I was on top of them, like.

• 10:00Bunnie XO?

  Aww.

• 10:01Speaker 03

  Yeah, and I didn't know. And he was like, Renee, don't worry about it. I'm coming right back, Renee, just don't worry about it. And I didn't know what it meant. You know, and, and it wasn't explained. It was like, oh, don't worry about it. You know, but then there's things in the newspaper.

• 10:13Bunnie XO?

  What did they say, like daddy ran a red light?

• 10:16Speaker 03

  So bookmaking, so the reason Pete Rose didn't get inducted into the Hall of Fame is because he got pinched on my father's case.

• 10:23Bunnie XO?

  Wow.

• 10:24Speaker 03

  So there's a lot of that. That was when he was like really coming up, you know? And, um, I knew I was different. I knew I was because my father would, when the candy man would come on the corner of the block, my father would buy out the truck for everybody on the block.

• 10:39Bunnie XO?

  Yeah.

• 10:39Speaker 03

  He was always doing stuff for everybody else, you know? And, and that's why I, I have this love for my father because.

• 10:49Speaker 03

  My father's never been charged with murder, so therefore in my eyes, he's not one. Okay, so all the other little things that mobsters do, it's kind of in their own community. As far as, you know, what I knew. Or if I watch a movie, I don't really get too much into that because people like to say, well, how could you defend your father, he was this and he was that, but at the end of the day, he was my father.

• 11:12Bunnie XO?

  And all you knew from him was love.

• 11:14Speaker 03

  Exactly, like, and when I told you this man loved me, like, there was nothing greater in this world that when he died, I wanted to die. I literally wanted to go with him.

• 11:26Bunnie XO?

  You have two other sisters, were they as close with him as you are?

• 11:31Speaker 03

  Lana is nine years older, so my father was more in the street when she was younger, so there's a little bit of a resentment there. Um, and I got all the attention, because I was the sick child. So Lana actually hung me when I was six with a red, white and blue plastic jump rope. Hoisted me over the chandelier, I'll never forget that.

• 11:50Bunnie XO?

  Oh, my god.

• 11:51Speaker 03

  And then the other time, so, and then this other time.

• 11:56Bunnie XO?

  That is not normal, Renee.

• 11:58Speaker 03

  I, I know, but now I know why I have trauma. Then this other time, she put the dog leash around my neck and she hung the, the cord from the other side, and she's like, just jump off the stairs and swing. I'm like, okay, you know, I was like a stick figure. I was a stick figure and she was heavier, so my father was harder on her. But her, her things were like, lose fifty pounds, I'll buy you a car. Lose fifty pounds, I'll give you twen- fifteen thousand, twenty thousand. So it was different, I didn't have to, I was skinny, there was like, if I turned sideways, all you saw were my boobs, like, there was nothing to me.

• 12:32Bunnie XO?

  Definitely a jealousy factor.

• 12:34Speaker 03

  Absolutely, absolutely, and then my little sister.

• 12:38Bunnie XO?

  So you're the middle.

• 12:39Speaker 03

  Yeah, yeah, okay, and a Cancer. So my little sister in first grade had an eighth grade reading level, and in eighth grade, I had an eighth grade reading level, so I was the less.

• 12:52Speaker 03

  Scholastically intelligent sister.

• 12:54Bunnie XO?

  Right.

• 12:54Speaker 03

  So I had that complex from birth. I was ugly according to Lana. And I was dumb according to Jennifer. So. Which is normal for sisters and brothers and sisters to do. It's not nice, but they do it.

• 13:10Bunnie XO?

  So hurtful.

• 13:11Speaker 03

  It is. I took it on. I became that. I became ugly and dumb. In my, that's what I saw. I literally saw it. And um. I automatically uh became promiscuous because of that too.

• 13:28Bunnie XO?

  At what age?

• 13:30Speaker 03

  I was thirteen.

• 13:32Bunnie XO?

  Oh my goodness. I just got goosebumps. That's, you're a baby.

• 13:35Speaker 03

  Yeah. I wasn't a baby. My body didn't look like a baby. I looked like I was eighteen years old at thirteen. I was like a triple D. Like, I looked, if you seen pictures of me at thirteen, you'd be like, who is she? I look younger now than I did at thirteen. So I, yeah, my first boyfriend, I was uh like thirteen and a half, and a half. He was seventeen. And um, his name was Frank.

• 13:59Bunnie XO?

  It's a little weird.

• 14:00Speaker 03

  Yeah, and he was abusive. And that was something I hid from my father. I always hid my abuse.

• 14:06Bunnie XO?

  Abusive, getting abused by a boyfriend at thirteen?

• 14:10Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 14:11Bunnie XO?

  What would he do to you?

• 14:13Speaker 03

  So um, we.

• 14:15Bunnie XO?

  It makes my skin crawl because you're such a baby.

• 14:18Speaker 03

  Yeah, it's funny. His daughter actually reached out to me on like Instagram. I was like, huh. How's your fat father doing? I can't stand, did he fix his nose yet? Because you know you get scarred. You get so scarred.

• 14:32Bunnie XO?

  And rightfully so. He deserves that. But I, I just, it's, you know. We're painting a picture here for people and I don't think a lot of people have got to hear this from you.

• 14:41Speaker 03

  They don't know this.

• 14:42Bunnie XO?

  And they don't understand what makes you so, I don't want to say aggressive, but just so brazen and so like. You know, this is how it is. Like, you have been molded by trauma since birth.

• 14:53Speaker 03

  Thank you for this, um, because a lot of people don't know these things about me because I always had to hide everything.

• 15:00Bunnie XO?

  Yeah.

• 15:00Speaker 03

  You know, but um Frank was abusive very young and I remember being fifteen and we were going. Tony Danza was at my sister Lana's wedding, so we were attending something and he was jealous because he couldn't come. So he stabbed, I'll never say, he stabbed me in the side of my leg with a fork as I was coming down the stairs. But cocaine was already in place at fourteen.

• 15:22Bunnie XO?

  So you were already doing drugs?

• 15:23Speaker 03

  I was, yeah, fourteen, yeah, absolutely.

• 15:25Bunnie XO?

  Well, let, well, we're gonna talk about the abuse, but then we're gonna rewind back to the drugs.

• 15:29Speaker 03

  So I think for me, um,

• 15:34Speaker 03

  I just stayed because I thought that's what I deserved.

• 15:39Bunnie XO?

  So he stabbed you in your leg?

• 15:41Speaker 03

  Like in my leg, I have like, I still have like, like two little marks left in my leg.

• 15:45Bunnie XO?

  Yeah.

• 15:45Speaker 03

  And I remember, um,

• 15:49Speaker 03

  I'd gone home one day and I had a black eye. And my, my father was on the couch and I walked in, he goes, come here. And like, he didn't see anything, I was just walking straight to the room, you know, and he was like, come here, and I go, what's up? And he's like, what happened to your face? I said, oh, I walked into the door, he goes, oh, yeah, you did? Sit down. And I was like, oh shit, you know? He's like, what door? I said, uh, uh, the door. Like, what do you say? Like, you know, cause my, at this point, I'm not really a liar and I suck at lying anyway. Um, so I'm trying to like, come up with a story in my head and I know I can at this point. And I remember, I, oh, and this is why I never told on somebody afterwards.

• 16:35Speaker 03

  So I said that he hit me and my father goes, okay. Watch this. So he makes a phone call and he calls up the father and he says, I need you and your son to meet me at my restaurant. And this, it was on Forest Avenue called Mama Roses. And then he called two other guys who have now passed on. And my father goes, get in the car. And I'm like, oh my God, what's gonna happen? I'm saying, I'll never forget it. I was singing the Isling Brothers in between the sheets in the car. He goes, what the fuck do you know about that? I was like, nothing. It's a, it's a song. And he's like, don't talk. I swear to God, it was so scary in the car with him. It was in his big Lincoln.

• 17:18Speaker 03

  We get there and he goes, go in the restaurant and don't go by the window. So what does that mean? That means go by the window.

• 17:24Bunnie XO?

  Right. You're gonna go look.

• 17:26Speaker 03

  So now there's two Lincolns outside, Frank, his father and these two guys. And I look out the window and low and behold, now Frank has a cast on his arm. Needless to say, we know what happened, how it got broken. And it was that very second that I knew I could never tell on another human because it would be my sin that they got hurt. And that's so wrong to think that way because he deserved to have his arm broken.

• 17:52Bunnie XO?

  Yeah.

• 17:53Speaker 03

  But because I had this relationship with God at a very young age, I felt it was a sin. So I have to protect my father and protect the other person. So it's really my fault it happens. And that's exactly where everything started. That's, that's really where it all started.

• 18:12Bunnie XO?

  You just felt like you couldn't be honest because you were scared of the repercussions that would happen if like somebody hurt you or yeah.

• 18:19Speaker 03

  So when I met my son's father.

• 18:22Bunnie XO?

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• 19:05Bunnie XO?

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• 19:29Speaker 01

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• 20:00Bunnie XO?

  Let's rewind really quick before we get into that. You said that at that age, you were already using drugs. When did you start using drugs? And why were you using them?

• 20:09Speaker 03

  Okay, so when I was about 13, I remember I did like mescaline, like double, purple double barrel, I'll never forget it. I had every bit of clothing that was in the closet on me. I was in the closet. My girlfriend's mother was like, what is Renee doing in the closet with the clothes? So I, yeah, so I knew like that wasn't the drug for me because I didn't like that type of feeling.

• 20:31Bunnie XO?

  I don't even know what that is. What is that?

• 20:33Speaker 03

  Yeah, they don't even make that anymore. It was like some kind of trippy drug. I don't, I don't like.

• 20:38Bunnie XO?

  Like acid or?

• 20:39Speaker 03

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, but not like acid was really strong. This was like some little stuff.

• 20:43Bunnie XO?

  Yeah.

• 20:44Speaker 03

  Um, and then, um, I wanted to be very much like my older sister. So, you know, if there was partying going on, I wanted to do it too. So I remember it started with black beauties and yellow jackets. So those are uppers. That was like speed.

• 21:00Bunnie XO?

  Diet pills and stuff.

• 21:02Speaker 03

  Correct. And then it just, when I met Frank, it was cocaine. So by 14, I was, you know, partying, 14, 15. Um, by the time I was sixteen, I was dating like the biggest drug dealer in Staten Island secretly.

• 21:17Bunnie XO?

  And who was this? Are we allowed to say his name?

• 21:19Speaker 03

  He was so gorgeous. No, I can't say it. Um, I, his, his first name-

• 21:23Bunnie XO?

  But it wasn't Frank.

• 21:24Speaker 03

  No, his first name is Jay. He was just like, oh, he was beautiful. And he was like, you can't tell nobody, cause you know, your father'd be upset.

• 21:34Bunnie XO?

  How old was he?

• 21:35Speaker 03

  Twenty-two.

• 21:36Bunnie XO?

  Twenty-two and you were how old?

• 21:37Speaker 03

  Sixteen.

• 21:39Bunnie XO?

  God, I'm having this argument with our kid right now. She has twenty-year-olds hanging around and she's fifteen. And I'm like, there's something wrong with them.

• 21:45Speaker 03

  Yep.

• 21:45Bunnie XO?

  Okay, good. I'm glad you feel the same way.

• 21:47Speaker 03

  I think that's a crime.

• 21:48Bunnie XO?

  Okay, good.

• 21:49Speaker 03

  Because what I know now, first of all, I would kill somebody. I have three granddaughters. You're not making it home, buddy.

• 21:55Bunnie XO?

  Yeah, no.

• 21:56Speaker 03

  No, you're warped in the brain that you wanna be with a little girl.

• 21:59Bunnie XO?

  Yeah.

• 22:00Speaker 03

  Because

• 22:00Bunnie XO?

  Good, I'm glad.

• 22:01Speaker 03

  Regardless, the woman could be grown, you know, physically, we could look a certain way, but

• 22:05Bunnie XO?

  Mentally.

• 22:06Speaker 03

  No. And that's where they condition you. You're conditioned in your early teen years, you know what I mean? So for me, it was ea- like, I felt popular. I felt special. I felt I wasn't ugly. Yes, I felt, I, but it was a secret.

• 22:23Bunnie XO?

  Yeah.

• 22:24Speaker 03

  So it's still, you know, it's not fair to me. And I just stayed in a,

• 22:32Speaker 03

  you know, looking back, it's so sad. It's so sad. I could have been so much more in life. You know, I could have had the healthy relationship. But no, I, you know, I went from my first boyfriend to that like relationship for a few years when I was in my six- sixteen to eighteen, to meeting my son's father when I was twenty, getting engaged a month and nineteen days after I met him, because I wanted this. And my father said, you want it? I'm gonna give you what you want. Now you're gonna, let, when you make your bed, you gotta lay in it.

• 23:08Bunnie XO?

  Yeah.

• 23:08Speaker 03

  And my father didn't want me to marry him because he wasn't Italian. He was Puerto Rican.

• 23:13Bunnie XO?

  Did you ever, um, experience abuse in the house? Was that, no, there was never any abuse?

• 23:18Speaker 03

  No, Lana always got hit.

• 23:20Bunnie XO?

  I'm trying to figure out where your attachment style came from.

• 23:22Speaker 03

  Okay. I don't know, because my father never hit my mother.

• 23:26Bunnie XO?

  Yeah.

• 23:27Speaker 03

  Ever. But what I do know is this, at sixteen, I found out about an affair my father had.

• 23:33Speaker 03

  Mom, I'm sorry if you ever hear this. And I remember what I did. And I lost it, like, lost it because I have the most magnificent mother in the world, like Raquel Welch gorgeous. And such a good woman. But in the same thing, I didn't want to be her anymore. I wanted to be her and then I didn't want to be her because to me it was weak.

• 24:02Bunnie XO?

  Right.

• 24:02Speaker 03

  And I just said, that's what's gonna happen. And I ended up being the same damn thing, just with a big mouth. So my father never hit my mother, ever.

• 24:11Bunnie XO?

  Yeah.

• 24:11Speaker 03

  Ever. It that's like, it's just not happening in my household. Lana got hit a lot because Lana was really bad. Like she would rob the car all the time and, you know, like flip the cars and

• 24:22Bunnie XO?

  Trying to hang you off chandeliers.

• 24:23Speaker 03

  Absolutely. Had me swinging off banisters like, but um, I think for me, I just wanted something.

• 24:31Bunnie XO?

  Wanted to be loved.

• 24:32Speaker 03

  And I had such a hole in my soul. I was born with a hole in my soul. Literally, I was born with a heart murmur. I think that was the hole. Yeah, um, and I, I would have done anything, anything in the wor- oh, God, I'm gonna get so emotional right now.

• 24:46Bunnie XO?

  It's okay.

• 24:47Speaker 03

  I would have done anything for someone to say, I love you.

• 24:53Bunnie XO?

  Looking back, do you feel like you finally found that love within yourself?

• 24:58Speaker 03

  Not yet.

• 24:59Bunnie XO?

  You're still looking for it? Well, I love you.

• 25:03Speaker 03

  I love you too.

• 25:04Bunnie XO?

  You wanna hug?

• 25:06Speaker 03

  So sorry.

• 25:09Speaker 03

  I was like, I'm not gonna cry today.

• 25:14Speaker 03

  You know, thank you. You know, I, you know what's funny? Now I have it with my grandchildren, you know, and um, they love me.

• 25:23Bunnie XO?

  Oh, I bet. You are, you are like the ultimate G ma. You're like glamor.

• 25:27Speaker 03

  That's, yeah, that's the name of my company too. I just, they actually, I play superhero. I um, I do all these things with the kids and uh, it's this feeling of, it's a different love.

• 25:41Bunnie XO?

  Yeah.

• 25:42Speaker 03

  And it does

• 25:42Bunnie XO?

  Unconditional.

• 25:43Speaker 03

  Yeah, it does fill the soul. You know, it, it, it is now for me. It's, things are changing and um,

• 25:49Bunnie XO?

  Do we have any tissue, Mimi?

• 25:53Speaker 03

  I usually travel with a box.

• 25:55Bunnie XO?

  My gosh. We'll get you some.

• 25:57Speaker 03

  I'll rip the eyelashes off in five minutes. I don't even care.

• 25:59Bunnie XO?

  Take the shoes off. I don't care.

• 26:01Speaker 03

  I'm telling you. Yeah, you know.

• 26:05Bunnie XO?

  I think it's a journey. I think life is a journey of literally learning how to fall in love with yourself.

• 26:10Speaker 03

  Yep.

• 26:10Bunnie XO?

  It really is. And I, for women like us who have grown up with trauma and the women at home that are listening, like, that's really all we've ever searched for in this world is to give love and to receive love. And it starts with us.

• 26:24Speaker 03

  It does. And what I'm finding out now is nobody's gonna do it for me but me.

• 26:31Bunnie XO?

  Absolutely.

• 26:32Speaker 03

  You know, and that's, that's the sad part because I know how I love on somebody.

• 26:37Bunnie XO?

  Yeah.

• 26:37Speaker 03

  So I'm like, why, you know, where are these people? And my sister Jennifer would always say to me, Renee, your expectations of people are way too high. Nobody's you. No one will ever do the things you do. You pay people's bills before you'll even pay your own. You'll take care of everyone, strangers on the street and not yourself. And I think that's what it was. I've always been trying to save a life, but it was my life I had to save. And I just felt like that my life wasn't good enough. I wasn't good enough. Why should I be alive? Why should I have all these things? Even when I was young, I would give everything out. Everything my father'd give me, I'd give everybody else because I felt like God gave me so much. Why would I not share it?

• 27:22Speaker 03

  You know, not everybody gets the lifestyle that I, I lived as a child. I had a fur coat at seven, diamond nameplates. Like I, I think I came out of the womb as a mob wife. Like, you know, with the, with the big jewelry and the whole bit, you know, and now I, I look back and I just, I have three granddaughters and I have one grandson and all I want them to do, all I want for them, I should say, is to know that they are so loved. And nothing matters and nobody will ever hurt them. And I say that and I don't care if the feds were listening in on this one. I would go right to the wall for them. You know what I mean? As every parent should for their child, every parent, any parent that doesn't shouldn't be a parent. That's how I view it.

• 28:06Bunnie XO?

  Did you ever pour that, feel like you poured that love into AJ?

• 28:10Speaker 03

  You know what? AJ, AJ is, is very loved. Very, very, very loved. He doesn't.

• 28:18Speaker 03

  Really show me that though anymore. Um, I, I know I hurt my son.

• 28:23Bunnie XO?

  No.

• 28:24Speaker 03

  I definitely did. Um, AJ witnessed some stuff that, uh,

• 28:32Speaker 03

  he doesn't talk about ever. So when AJ was like five and, um, it was November twenty ninth and, um, his father gave me a really bad beating. And, um, his face was pressed between the two little lats on the stairs. And his eyes never left mine as this man dragged me down the stairs backwards. And, um, I just remember looking at him and I said, I gotta get him out of here. And I went to church and there was a piece of paper in the church and it said, after the long, dark storm, there will be light. And there was no other piece of paper in the whole church that said that.

• 29:09Bunnie XO?

  Hmm.

• 29:10Speaker 03

  And I'm all over the church like, oh my God, God's talking to me like I know this man's having a conversation with me. I, no, facts.

• 29:16Bunnie XO?

  Hmm.

• 29:17Speaker 03

  I left the next day. I packed, what's crazy, it's my son, my clothes and my television.

• 29:25Bunnie XO?

  When you're in those situations, you do crazy shit.

• 29:27Speaker 03

  My TV, no, because I swear the TV meant something to me all my life. Like I wanted to be, um, Lucille Ball. That was my dream. Carol Burnett, Lucille Ball with Blondie and Joan Jett twist. That's what, that's all I wanted to be when I grew up. You know what I mean? But then again, I wanted to be Diane Carroll, but then my mother told me I couldn't be Diane Carroll because she was a black woman and I, and I argued with her for like years. Yes, I can. She was like, no, you can't Renee. You don't understand. But, um, yeah, I left him right there and I, I left with AJ. I went home. My father was like, okay, no problem. Stay. You can't go back now. And what's crazy is my ex-husband's last name is Pagan.

• 30:10Bunnie XO?

  Hmm.

• 30:11Speaker 03

  So for someone who believes in God so much, right?

• 30:13Bunnie XO?

  I've always thought that.

• 30:14Speaker 03

  Okay. I got married in a church called Our Lady of Pity.

• 30:19Bunnie XO?

  Oh my goodness.

• 30:20Speaker 03

  A black crow flew in my church and sat above me on my wedding tape.

• 30:26Bunnie XO?

  Wow.

• 30:27Speaker 03

  I married.

• 30:27Bunnie XO?

  Goosebumps.

• 30:28Speaker 03

  I married the devil. I, I, I kid you. He's the spawn of the devil.

• 30:32Bunnie XO?

  How did you guys meet? Where did this come from? Cause I read somewhere that he was a friend of your father's.

• 30:37Speaker 03

  No, not at all. He's a liar.

• 30:39Bunnie XO?

  Okay.

• 30:39Speaker 03

  He wishes. Um, I met him on.

• 30:45Speaker 03

  May seven, May seventeenth of nineteen ninety. He had just come home from doing like four years for like gun trafficking. So for me, it's like, oh, the Azari bro, and I love it. Um, oh, my God, he's gonna fit in my family just fine.

• 31:01Bunnie XO?

  Yeah.

• 31:02Speaker 03

  You know, and I remember going home and saying, Dad, I got a boyfriend. I want you to meet him. And he's like, what's his name? I'm like, ask him when he gets here. He goes, what does that mean, Renee? Cause I couldn't say his name was Hector.

• 31:11Bunnie XO?

  Yeah.

• 31:12Speaker 03

  I didn't know what was gonna happen.

• 31:13Bunnie XO?

  Yeah.

• 31:14Speaker 03

  So when he got to the house, my father goes, what's your name? He goes Hector. He goes, Hector? What's that? Wha- wha- wha- what are you? So he said, I'm Puerto Rican. And he goes, no, your name is Junior. That's where he got that name from.

• 31:24Bunnie XO?

  Wow.

• 31:25Speaker 03

  From my father. And because he was in jail with a friend of my father's, who was Joe Messina, who was the, uh, mob boss of the Bonanno crime family, who also became a fucking rat. Um, and he's, he's dead now too. Um. My father gave him a pass. He started abusing me immediately, immediately.

• 31:47Bunnie XO?

  And you were how old, twenty?

• 31:48Speaker 03

  I was twenty. I got engaged a month and nineteen days after I met him. I said, Daddy, this is what I want. And my father always gave me what I wanted.

• 31:56Bunnie XO?

  So even getting, you know, beat by him?

• 31:59Speaker 03

  Yeah, my father never knew.

• 32:00Bunnie XO?

  No, never knew, never told him.

• 32:02Speaker 03

  He's my abuser. And when I say that, I mean it in every way, shape of the word. So whatever comes before abuse, emotionally, mentally, sexually, physically, that's my abuser.

• 32:15Bunnie XO?

  I've heard you say that he was your rapist?

• 32:17Speaker 03

  Yeah. He, uh.

• 32:21Bunnie XO?

  It's hard to believe that people give this man a platform.

• 32:24Speaker 03

  You know what's hard to believe? That women don't report this. Because you don't know it's a crime when you're married. I didn't know that that's a crime.

• 32:33Bunnie XO?

  Right.

• 32:33Speaker 03

  You know, if your husband comes home and he's a little bit forceful, and you have to submit, that's a crime. I didn't know that. And I had a therapist. Her name was Renee. Um, and she was the one who told me, no, that's rape, Renee. And I was like, uh, I don't think it's called that where I'm from. And she's like, no, that's what it's called, period.

• 32:54Bunnie XO?

  What would he do?

• 32:56Speaker 03

  It, he was just, the drugs were bad. He was a, he is an alcoholic and an addict. So, um.

• 33:05Speaker 03

  He would just come home from, we had a strip club, my father's. And his girlfriend worked there. Her name was Danielle.

• 33:13Bunnie XO?

  Who's girlfriend?

• 33:14Speaker 03

  My ex-husband.

• 33:15Bunnie XO?

  Juniors, okay.

• 33:16Speaker 03

  Filthy bitch. Um, filthy. And um, he would just constantly compare me to her. And he was very forceful from being drunk and high. And I really didn't have many choices.

• 33:32Bunnie XO?

  Yeah.

• 33:33Speaker 03

  Uh, I also didn't understand. And I think I didn't understand a lot because I was never really developed in that sense of the word. Physically, I was very developed, but I wasn't mature enough.

• 33:46Bunnie XO?

  You're still a baby at twenty.

• 33:47Speaker 03

  Yeah, you're, absolutely, but I was doing it from thirteen. So you know what I mean? I figured, oh, I'm gonna make a guy like me. I know what I could do. And every guy liked me, trust me.

• 33:57Bunnie XO?

  Yeah.

• 33:57Speaker 03

  But not every guy wanted me because, one, it wasn't just the fact that you had to deal with my father. I don't shut up.

• 34:05Bunnie XO?

  Right.

• 34:06Speaker 03

  You, you're gonna follow suit.

• 34:08Bunnie XO?

  Right.

• 34:08Speaker 03

  If you can't equal up to my father, you're gonna follow suit.

• 34:12Bunnie XO?

  Right.

• 34:12Speaker 03

  And I'm gonna lead. And that's really what it was. And my ex-husband resented me for that because guys would kiss me hello before him. So you know that mob thing, they all kiss each other. They wouldn't kiss him before me.

• 34:25Bunnie XO?

  Right.

• 34:25Speaker 03

  And I kept saying to him, but you're not Anthony's daughter, I am.

• 34:28Bunnie XO?

  Yeah.

• 34:29Speaker 03

  So I am to be treated tha- that way because I am the, you know, mob royalty if you, if you.

• 34:36Bunnie XO?

  And he's also not Italian.

• 34:37Speaker 03

  No, and that was the thing. Then he became so close with my father. My father loved this man. Oh my god, he loved this man. And he was gonna give him our last name. So he could be, imagine this, and this man ratted on my father, beat his daughter. The abuse I went through, he shattered my coccyx bone, broke, uh, cracked a rib, punctured a kidney, broke my cheekbone, like, and I would never tell.

• 35:05Bunnie XO?

  Renee.

• 35:06Speaker 03

  I, yeah, I never told.

• 35:08Bunnie XO?

  Why would he do these things? Like, he just would come home drunk?

• 35:10Speaker 03

  He was just, because he would say really mean things to me and, oh god, this is so bad, sorry Lois. His mother's Lois, she died. She was a heroin addict, died of HIV. So he would be really mean to me and I'd be like, your mother's, oh, true, it's true. Your mother's this or your mother's that, because that's my only defense. Because I'm getting smacked, so what else could I do? I'm like a little peanut and this man is six feet professional boxer.

• 35:36Bunnie XO?

  No man should ever hit a woman, no matter what.

• 35:38Speaker 03

  He was, he was just...

• 35:41Bunnie XO?

  Evil.

• 35:42Speaker 03

  Yeah, I don't want, I, I, I, I know that he had his own trauma, but I don't like to give him any little bit of grace whatsoever, because he doesn't deserve it. Because you could walk out that door. You could, you, you walked out that door and gave your girlfriend my car and left me while I was pregnant, throwing up, my body shut down. I lost twenty-five pounds in my fourth month. I, uh, my body, I collapsed. And I stayed in the hospital for like, at least two weeks, and he made me take a cab home. Like, the things, like, I, I, a lot of it's flashing right now, so forgive me.

• 36:20Bunnie XO?

  No, you're good.

• 36:20Speaker 03

  You know, because my ADD is also active right now.

• 36:23Bunnie XO?

  You're fine.

• 36:23Speaker 03

  And it's like, oh shit, I, oh my god, oh my, wha- what was I doing?

• 36:27Bunnie XO?

  Mm-hmm.

• 36:28Speaker 03

  I could have had anything and anyone.

• 36:30Bunnie XO?

  I went through it too. I went through it as severely abusive relationship. So everything that I'm hearing from you just breaks my heart, because I, too, stayed no matter what. And it was like, we had the most amazing sex and like, I would try, he was always sorry after he would do it. And then now, this man is trying to gaslight me, because he knows I'm writing a book.

• 36:48Speaker 03

  Oh, good, so where, what's his address?

• 36:51Bunnie XO?

  And is telling me that everything that happened is embellished and that I'm lying and that he, he never hit me closed-fisted, but he bopped me in my nose. You know, like, it's, it's like, the, the guy, these men are just crazy. So to me, you know, Hector sounds a lot like my ex.

• 37:06Speaker 03

  Well, yeah, that, because they're, uh, what's the word, what are they called?

• 37:09Bunnie XO?

  Narcissist.

• 37:10Speaker 03

  Narcissist, narcissist asshole. My ex-husband, the sex was horrible, horrible, horrible, horrible. Um, you should be embarrassed. Um... But, you know, it's so crazy. His girlfriend, he has a girlfriend now that like stalks me.

• 37:26Bunnie XO?

  Of course.

• 37:27Speaker 03

  I'm like, bitch, please have a seat.

• 37:29Bunnie XO?

  You're the one that got away.

• 37:30Speaker 03

  Like, please have a seat.

• 37:31Bunnie XO?

  He probably triangulates you with her.

• 37:33Speaker 03

  He just knocked her out cold in a parking lot in Staten Island, maybe like six months ago. He moved out here. He lives in Lake Tahoe. And if I had his address, I'd give it to you.

• 37:41Bunnie XO?

  No.

• 37:42Speaker 03

  Um, for anybody who wanted to ring the bell.

• 37:46Speaker 03

  I don't care. So like, I really don't care. Like, they could come and say, Renee, you're not allowed to say that. I'd be like, yes, I am.

• 37:51Bunnie XO?

  So let's rewind it back. So you're going through this horrific time with him. You're pregnant. You know, you know, you have AJ. AJ's having to witness the abuse. When do you guys finally break? Because I know on Mob Wives, you guys ended up getting back together.

• 38:07Speaker 03

  Okay, so it was, um, November 30th.

• 38:12Bunnie XO?

  I love that she remembers dates.

• 38:13Speaker 03

  Yeah. Oh, I have a thing with numbers.

• 38:15Bunnie XO?

  Okay.

• 38:15Speaker 03

  Um, it was, yep, 1999, because I remember it. For New Year's, I remember that Prince song playing in my head. Um, I left. And then I found out that the affair he was having at that time was with his sister's friend, who I always said it was, and she was pregnant. So here's this one. So now I show up at court. Oh, I didn't know she was pregnant yet. So I go to court. He gets pinched. I go to court. I have to put the house up for him. And he's there with her. And I'm sitting there and I'm looking. And my cousin Alexis, who's this tiny, tiny little blonde, we call her Barbie. And she says, Renee, I go, there's a ring on her finger. He's married to me.

• 38:58Speaker 03

  I get up and the judge goes, who's here for, you know, Hector Pagan? I go, me. He goes, in your name? I go, Renee Pagan. He goes, well, then who's the woman that he's with? That was one. I walk out of the courtroom and I remember getting into a fight with him in front of the federal building that he took me by my throat and dangled me in the street.

• 39:15Bunnie XO?

  While you're pregnant?

• 39:16Speaker 03

  Uh, no, she was now pregnant. She was now pregnant. I was, no, AJ was already born, but he was having this affair.

• 39:22Bunnie XO?

  Sorry.

• 39:22Speaker 03

  And then I find out he's engaged. Two weeks later, my son says to me, uh, he was with his dad. I was away. I had a boyfriend at the time. And a wise guy boyfriend too. He was cute. Um. And AJ called me and says that, um, what was his name? Vicky made him pee in the tub because she was on the toilet bowl and he was playing in the so- snow and I said, "Okay mommy's, mommy will be there in no time." "You were in the bathroom with my kid?" "That's a no." I made it home from three hours away in like two hours and I gave her a beating outside the house and I'm not a fighter. At all! And that's how I ended up finding out she was pregnant because he said, "I'll kill you, she's having a baby and I didn't even know she was pregnant." And that's how I found out.

• 40:07Speaker 03

  So you're married to me, engaged, having a child, still beating me, and this is where we're at. So at that point, I was like, "I'm done." He went to jail for eight years. I had nothing to do with him, no communication. I then started working for 50 Cent and I, you know, my life started to pick up and I had this really fun and exciting life all of a sudden. I was experiencing everything from different races and culture and I was like in heaven. I was like, "Candy, yeah, that was me." Um, and uh, matter of fact, my friend that lives here, I, you know what I'm talking about, the witch, I'll tell you afterwards. Um, so he came home and he then got a girlfriend.

• 40:51Bunnie XO?

  As Mob Wives going on?

• 40:53Speaker 03

  No, no, no, he came home in eight. So Mob Wives happened in 10.

• 40:57Bunnie XO?

  2007, you had an overdose, didn't you?

• 41:00Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 41:01Bunnie XO?

  Can we talk about that?

• 41:02Speaker 03

  Sure.

• 41:02Bunnie XO?

  Cause this was before Mob Wives even started.

• 41:04Speaker 03

  Yep. So, okay, so I, um,

• 41:10Speaker 03

  from the damage in my back, they put me on Oxy-80s. And, um, I was hooked, I think in a week. And I was on two Oxy-80s, ready? Six for oxys.

• 41:23Speaker 03

  Xanax, water pills, diet pills, everything the doctor gave me.

• 41:28Bunnie XO?

  Oh my gosh.

• 41:28Speaker 03

  Yes. Doctor gave me some.

• 41:29Bunnie XO?

  That's enough to kill you.

• 41:31Speaker 03

  But it did, obviously.

• 41:33Bunnie XO?

  Yeah.

• 41:33Speaker 03

  And then um on July fourth in two thousand and seven, I OD'd for the first time. My, there were like four cop cars. I was a wild lunatic. You couldn't contain me, nothing.

• 41:46Bunnie XO?

  Can you tell me on that day, what happened?

• 41:48Speaker 03

  Uh, my girlfriend Nancy, I said to Nancy, you gotta take me to my mom's. I'm I'm gonna die and I know it. I said, I I have to get off drugs. She took, she got me there. She gave my mother everything that I had and I hit the floor. And that was it. And my mother did not understand addiction and was embarrassed. So she put me in a seventy-two hour holdover as opposed to detox. And I was sexually assaulted in the um mental ward. By a man named Stanley Guido.

• 42:24Speaker 03

  On July seventh at four thirty-five in the afternoon. Two hours before I was being released. And then I was straitjacketed after that.

• 42:36Speaker 03

  And.

• 42:39Bunnie XO?

  So they, let me get this right. Your mom has you admitted.

• 42:43Speaker 03

  Committed.

• 42:44Bunnie XO?

  Committed. And a man forces himself on you?

• 42:49Speaker 03

  Yeah, he was a patient.

• 42:50Bunnie XO?

  Oh, he was a patient?

• 42:51Speaker 03

  He was a patient.

• 42:51Bunnie XO?

  Okay.

• 42:52Speaker 03

  And I remember there was this young black boy there and they kept giving him so much Thorazine. And I would give him my cookies because I knew it would change the chemicals. Like, so I know I'm not crazy, you know? So but I saw what they were doing to people and it was breaking my heart. So they drugged me. And the man came in my room and uh held me down. That's why I like uh I I shake on my left side. So he held me down. He he sexually assaulted me. Um I remember like losing it. And they wouldn't get me a gynecologist. They wouldn't call nine-one-one. So I found a way to set a fire.

• 43:33Speaker 03

  And I knew if the police, if the fire department came, the police department would come. The police department, the man was Detective Gorm. He was the head of SVU, but he used to be organized crime. And knew my father. And he said, tell me what happened. I told him. He, the man admitted it. This, I have a police report that backs this up. And he tried to orally violate me, the man. Um, the cop turned his face and I did what I did. And they straitjacketed me because I like attacked him. Like you couldn't get me off of him.

• 44:06Bunnie XO?

  Hmm.

• 44:06Speaker 03

  You couldn't. And the man said he did it. So. Now the ther- the psychiatrist tells my mother I'm lying. My mother believes the doctor because she thinks I'm trying to get out. They kept me there for two weeks. I spent my thirty seventh birthday with a one on one. In Staten Island Hospital. And uh, it it changed me for the rest of my life. It changed me for the rest of my life because it was different than the abuse from my husband. This you took from me. He did that, but it was different because he was part of my, it was my relationship. This stranger did it to me.

• 44:39Bunnie XO?

  Yeah.

• 44:40Speaker 03

  And um. They started giving me eight milligrams a day in Xanax. Eight milligrams a day.

• 44:48Bunnie XO?

  So much, even.

• 44:49Speaker 03

  At a hundred and twenty five pounds.

• 44:51Bunnie XO?

  Even two milligrams.

• 44:52Speaker 03

  Yep.

• 44:52Bunnie XO?

  Is a lot. I used to take literally a p- a quarter of the Xanax, like a piece of a piece.

• 44:58Speaker 03

  Oh no, it takes me four milligrams to knock me out.

• 45:01Bunnie XO?

  Oh god.

• 45:02Speaker 03

  My tolerance is so high to drugs, so high.

• 45:04Bunnie XO?

  Wild.

• 45:05Speaker 03

  And that's what happened to me and um, it changed me.

• 45:07Bunnie XO?

  I'm so sorry.

• 45:08Speaker 03

  It's okay, you know what? I actually have. Some forgiveness there. And I think it's because when I realized it was my fault. And what I say it was my fault is. What he did to me wasn't my fault, but it was my fault I was there. Because if I didn't do the drugs, I wouldn't have OD'd. If I didn't OD, he couldn't have done that. So that's mine. I have to own it.

• 45:31Bunnie XO?

  I understand.

• 45:31Speaker 03

  And when I owned it, it was like, oh, okay, I get it. And it didn't feel as bad. I didn't smell him anymore. It took me years. I I was like maybe three or four years. I'd smell this human. I would scratch my skin off my body. My neck, like there's parts of my wife that like my neck would be ripped apart because I. The the feeling would over, like the pains in my body when he tried to like eat. Forcefully pushes fist inside of me, like I'd get pains. And then all of a sudden it was gone. It was just gone. I dealt with it. I don't know. Maybe it's because I prayed so much on it, like I would always just ask God, just please just take this one. Like you give me so much and I know they say like you can only God gives you what you can handle.

• 46:15Speaker 03

  But like I had a timeout. I said, God, I'm done. I'm like I'm tapping out dude like there I'm done. I I wanna die. I just wanna die now. And that's what it was. I just wanted to die for a really long time, but I was too chicken to do it and I'm Catholic and it's a sin. So I would never, you know, do it, but it's been in my head. You know what I mean?

• 46:43Speaker 03

  And then after I lost my father, that was it for me. Then I really.

• 46:47Bunnie XO?

  So when you got out of the mental, we're gonna circle back. We'll get to the visit when your dad passes. When you got out of the mental hospital and you were just at that breaking point of like, this is enough. I've had enough. When you got out, were you able to stay sober or did that what happened to you in that hospital just?

• 47:03Speaker 03

  Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. That was that was the start of Xanax addiction. That was it. So Xanax. I would say to you, I'm sober at least nine months a year. Absolutely. Um, my using is a little different. I'm definitely an addict, but I'll use maybe two days. Cocaine, two days, and then I won't use for like two months. Xanax I was using like consecutive and it was like to the point where I couldn't feel. So I couldn't think, I couldn't feel. It was great. Oh, my God.

• 47:36Bunnie XO?

  It's the most it's the most wonderful drug in the world. I love.

• 47:39Speaker 03

  If you use it correctly, it is a good drug.

• 47:41Bunnie XO?

  I didn't use it correctly. I overdosed on it twice. I loved Xanax. So people that don't understand, people that don't have dysregulated nervous systems, don't understand the feeling of chewing on a Xanax. That was my favorite thing or putting it under my tongue and just letting it dissolve.

• 47:56Speaker 03

  Taste is so horrible.

• 47:57Bunnie XO?

  It's it's horrific, but the feeling you get is euphoric.

• 48:01Speaker 03

  That's why my that's why there were two and three in my mouth at a time. It was just like, okay, you know, oh, wait, in fifteen minutes. I'm not gonna feel anything. And I ha- I suffer with severe insomnia since my twenties. So I don't sleep. I go two, three days, no sleep. I was hospitalized. I've woken up. Under general anesthesia, I've woken up under propofol, like, I mean, something happens to me when they put me out.

• 48:27Bunnie XO?

  Yeah.

• 48:27Speaker 03

  And I think I'm so afraid that I like the adrenaline pumps and I'd get back up. So, yeah, and I think also the not sleeping had to do with the lifestyle. You know what I mean? Not the drugs, but the lifestyle of waiting up for my father or waiting up for my ex-husband to come home by the window, always waiting, waiting, waiting. And it's just, it's so much trauma, man.

• 48:49Bunnie XO?

  It's a lot.

• 48:50Speaker 03

  Like, I'm just figuring it out now.

• 48:53Bunnie XO?

  Yeah. I think healing trauma, you're never healed. It's literally a journey. And we're gonna have to figure out our trauma till the day we're not here anymore. Like, that it's a journey.

• 49:04Speaker 03

  My son has a hard time with this one. He's like, why can't you just stop?

• 49:09Bunnie XO?

  Men are wired differently.

• 49:11Speaker 03

  I'm like, you know what? They are, but they're not, okay? They don't share with us enough.

• 49:17Bunnie XO?

  Right.

• 49:17Speaker 03

  But I think they're just, they could be just as, or weaker.

• 49:22Bunnie XO?

  Yeah.

• 49:22Speaker 03

  I definitely think so. Like, look at a man that gets traumatized by a woman. He becomes a creep afterwards, you know what I mean? We don't become creepy, we just like.

• 49:30Bunnie XO?

  I'm not laughing at men becoming creeps, I'm laughing at how she says stuff.

• 49:35Speaker 03

  I'm laughing at men becoming creeps, I am. I said it and I stand on it. Um, I just think, you know, for my son, he's so, he's so strong and, um.

• 49:48Bunnie XO?

  He's also probably super empathic and super sensitive because normally when you're, no.

• 49:53Speaker 03

  No, the kid, no.

• 49:55Bunnie XO?

  Not at all.

• 49:56Speaker 03

  No, he's so cold.

• 49:58Bunnie XO?

  Oh, he got his dad.

• 50:00Speaker 03

  You know, after his father did what he did, AJ had to like be cold because we don't know.

• 50:06Bunnie XO?

  It just hurt him too bad.

• 50:08Speaker 03

  AJ had unfortunately suffered a, a serious situation where somebody hurt him very badly. Um, because of his father.

• 50:17Bunnie XO?

  Oh my gosh.

• 50:18Speaker 03

  Yeah, fourteen staples.

• 50:20Bunnie XO?

  Oh, my gosh. And this was after he ratted on your dad? So let's, let's rewind back to that. So, okay, you know, two thousand seven, you had the overdose, this horrific incident with the mental hospital. And then when does Mob Wives come knocking? Two thousand eight, two thousand nine?

• 50:36Speaker 03

  Okay, so after what happened to me in the hospital, I worked for Tina Fey and Alec Baldwin. That was like, like a great.

• 50:43Bunnie XO?

  Was Alec cool? Because I've heard so many horror stories about him.

• 50:46Speaker 03

  He was great with me, always. Tina is my favorite person on the face of the earth. She would always say to me, you're gonna be famous one day, Renee. You're gonna be famous one day. And I'd be like, okay, Tina, we gotta get it. Diet pill, water pill, what are we doing? You know? And I'll tell you why I say that.

• 51:00Speaker 04

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• 51:19Speaker 05

  Huh, I'm having fewer headache days this month.

• 51:22Speaker 04

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• 52:01Speaker 03

  Um, so two thousand ten Mob Wives starts. My sister Jennifer says, Renee, you can't be on the show.

• 52:08Bunnie XO?

  Jennifer actually.

• 52:09Speaker 03

  Is the EP and creator of Mob Wives.

• 52:12Bunnie XO?

  And that's your sister.

• 52:12Speaker 03

  Yes. And she said, you can't be on the show. I can't deal with you. I'm like, well, could I do wardrobe? What could I do? All along, she had a plan for me to be on it, but wasn't telling me. And so like a few days before, she was like, that's what you get. I was like, okay. So Mob Wives kicks off. Um, my ex-husband is home at the time. I have plastic surgery, season one, gone terribly wrong. I die.

• 52:37Bunnie XO?

  Yeah, we're gonna talk about that.

• 52:38Speaker 03

  I lose, yep, I lose six point three pints of blood, MRSA through my body, read my last rites twice, vancomycin, vancomycin resistant.

• 52:48Bunnie XO?

  It was you were having so you okay so the show starts you're doing the show.

• 52:52Speaker 03

  Correct.

• 52:53Bunnie XO?

  Hector comes home.

• 52:54Speaker 03

  Yes.

• 52:55Bunnie XO?

  Okay, you decide to get your body done.

• 52:57Speaker 03

  Yes.

• 52:58Bunnie XO?

  And this is on the show, this is all playing out on the show, so if you guys are not Mob Wives fanatics, go and binge this series, you will not be disappointed, but take me on that journey. You decide to go get your body done. Did you get your body done for him?

• 53:10Speaker 03

  I got my body done so nobody could talk about me anymore. And I thought I was gonna have this fabulous figure.

• 53:18Speaker 03

  The doctor was was another evil individual. And he decided he was gonna give me a full body lift at 165 pounds. That doesn't even make sense, you're not supposed to do that to somebody so small. So I went in for a BBL and a tummy tuck. I ended up, uh, my ass was even more concaved now at this point. Um, I'm dying. I have MRSA, I have a hole this big in my back.

• 53:45Bunnie XO?

  So you go home from the surgery?

• 53:47Speaker 03

  Okay, so the surgery happened on June 11th in, um, 2011. I go home, my mother comes to the hospital, okay, no, sorry, okay. Surgery day, I go in, he does a seven hour surgery in like four and a half hours. They put the garment on me, they rip me open, I bleed out. Emergency second surgery, come out, never calls 911. I lost 6.3 pints of blood. The next day my mom comes and she hears me and I, she comes running and I said, I'm dying. And she's like, what do you mean? I said, I'm dying. And I was cold, I was blue. I remember the woman in the ambulance saying, stay with me, stay with me, stay with me.

• 54:32Speaker 03

  And I was like, just let me go, just let me like. And they were like, you have to have a transfusion. Now I think I'm gonna die because I have to have a four pint transfusion. I don't want the blood. They take my rights away from me. I have the transfusion, I'm in the hospital for a week. I go home and I smell something. So I'm like, must be the antibiotics, you know, because for females that.

• 54:54Bunnie XO?

  Yeah, absolutely.

• 54:55Speaker 03

  So I said to the doc, I called the doctor, I said, hey, you know, I have 101 Phoebes, like, get to the hospital. I said, okay, he's like, I'll meet you there. I get to the hospital. The hospital's 10 minutes for me. Within 20 minutes, I'm at 103.5.

• 55:11Speaker 03

  The doctor comes in and his name is Dr. Raj. He touches me and MRSA just was everywhere.

• 55:17Bunnie XO?

  Oh.

• 55:17Speaker 03

  Everywhere. So now they have me like in like a little incubation thing because nobody can come around me.

• 55:22Bunnie XO?

  Yeah.

• 55:23Speaker 03

  Um, now, you know, I could kill somebody with MRSA or whatever.

• 55:27Bunnie XO?

  Oh.

• 55:27Speaker 03

  They start with their vancomycin. I'm vancomycin resistant.

• 55:31Bunnie XO?

  No.

• 55:31Speaker 03

  Four days. Um, read my last rites twice. Dr. Addy, his name is, he was a doctor from Africa who works with HIV patients. So now I think I have HIV. This is like, you know, you gotta understand.

• 55:44Bunnie XO?

  Well, you don't know. They don't tell you what's going on.

• 55:46Speaker 03

  Infectious disease. The man's coming in from Africa. What the fuck? I'm like, oh my God, it's over. And, um, he comes up with a cocktail and I remember being upstairs and my father calling, didn't speak to me and my sister. Because of mob wives.

• 55:59Bunnie XO?

  Your dad was ma- yeah, we'll talk about that too. Let's finish the story about this.

• 56:02Speaker 03

  So he was away. So my father calls and the priest said, you know, you should say goodbye to your daughter. And he said, what if she got you bullshitted too, father? And that my mother said, no, Renee's dying. Like it was, it's a real thing. There's, she's vancomycin resistant. They can't fix her. And then I think my father might have threatened the doctor and the next day I was, I was on my road to recovery. And they said that I've defied medical history. My plastic surgeon never showed up. Ever.

• 56:35Bunnie XO?

  Wow.

• 56:36Speaker 03

  Yep. And then there's a lot that goes into that story with the doctor, which I'm not going to touch on that because we've had so many damn lawsuits over it. Um, my ex-husband then comes back, comes to the hospital. I'll never forget it. And he brought me this Rolex and it was the one Rolex I didn't have. And he gave it to me and he said, I love you. And in my brain, I said, I had to die for him to love me.

• 57:04Bunnie XO?

  Hmm.

• 57:05Speaker 03

  Mind you, this is my abuser. I go back with him. I move him in. I come home from the hospital.

• 57:13Bunnie XO?

  This is all on the show.

• 57:14Speaker 03

  Everything.

• 57:15Bunnie XO?

  Playing out on the show. This is real life. None of this is scripted.

• 57:18Speaker 03

  Hell, you couldn't script me. The only thing fake about me is my nose.

• 57:21Bunnie XO?

  Right.

• 57:22Speaker 03

  You know what I mean? Like my ass is mine. It's just fat from a different part of my body.

• 57:26Bunnie XO?

  I say the same thing.

• 57:28Speaker 03

  My nose is not mine.

• 57:30Bunnie XO?

  Yeah.

• 57:31Speaker 03

  Modified.

• 57:31Bunnie XO?

  And then let's, let's, let's cut back real quick. Your dad did stop talking to you guys because of the

• 57:36Speaker 03

  Yeah, almost three years.

• 57:37Bunnie XO?

  Didn't he get shelved from the mob? Or they said he was shelved technically? Okay.

• 57:43Speaker 03

  He wasn't at that, this particular point, not at all.

• 57:46Bunnie XO?

  Right.

• 57:46Speaker 03

  It wasn't until he came home and I'll like, I'll touch a little bit on that.

• 57:50Bunnie XO?

  Okay.

• 57:51Speaker 03

  Um, so my ex-husband now says, I love you. I want to be with you. Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. Okay, great.

• 57:57Bunnie XO?

  And I think there was a, an episode where you even said to him, like, you never say, I love you to me.

• 58:03Speaker 03

  Oh, listen, this, this creep, this creep, this.

• 58:06Bunnie XO?

  And did you think, you think that he did all this because he knew?

• 58:09Speaker 03

  I know he did. I know he did. He only came back to me to set my father up. My father came home August. My father was gone and I wrote my father a letter before he came home and, and you could verify this with my mother. And said, Dad, you're gonna go back to jail right before Thanksgiving. I know it. Please don't talk to anybody. Don't, don't, don't. Day before Thanksgiving, they took my father away and I knew it. I wrote, I knew it. Like when I tell you my premonitions are so real. I knew it and I, I just knew something wasn't right. But I was so high because I'm on Dilaudid now, eight milligram, like, I'm sorry, six milligrams. Every time I take my Dilaudid, it's six milligrams. I had been sent home with a, um, a medicine ball.

• 58:54Speaker 03

  So I had the pick and, you know, to my heart, every day I had to do this. A nurse, three times a day, like changing my bandages, all of this. He comes back to me, I love you, I love you, I love you, this, that and a third, we're going to therapy, all this.

• 59:08Bunnie XO?

  God, he even committed to therapy?

• 59:11Speaker 03

  Well, he was cooperating with the government since two thousand and six because he's not even a real man and can't tell you that. But I know his paperwork, so I'll, I'll give you that so we can put that up there too. Because since two thousand and six, he's been a rat fucking cocksucker. Excuse my mouth. It gets me very angry.

• 59:26Bunnie XO?

  Is that why your dad went away?

• 59:29Speaker 03

  Yes.

• 59:29Bunnie XO?

  Okay.

• 59:30Speaker 03

  So.

• 59:30Bunnie XO?

  And nobody knew that it was because of him?

• 59:32Speaker 03

  So this is, so November twenty, right before, um, November twenty first. My father was in the hospital. My dad had cancer, uh, prostate, bladder, urethra, kidney. And I was gonna kill myself. I, I'll never forget it. And I, I took Seracil. I'm like, I can't live like this no more. So dramatic, but Seracil, where was I going? Anyway, my father ran from the hospital to the house. And I remember my white marble floors, there was blood everywhere. And he was like, what's wrong with you? What's going on? I was like, Dad, something's wrong. I don't know what it is, but something's wrong. I can't, I, I can't take it. But I'm so polluted mentally with so much deluded and Xanax and he's giving me cocaine and I'm just like, high.

• 1:00:16Speaker 03

  And um, I watched his behavior. He was acting strange, going outside for phone calls. I think he's cheating on me.

• 1:00:22Bunnie XO?

  Right.

• 1:00:23Speaker 03

  Right? Cause he was always cheating.

• 1:00:24Bunnie XO?

  You go through his phone.

• 1:00:25Speaker 03

  Exactly. He was always cheating on me.

• 1:00:26Bunnie XO?

  With Rita, actually.

• 1:00:27Speaker 03

  Right. What happens is this. He turns himself in. My son comes home. November twenty first. And he hands me a letter. And he said, this is from Dad. I go, where's your father? We didn't talk for two days before. Because I was fighting with him and I thought he was cheating.

• 1:00:45Bunnie XO?

  Right.

• 1:00:46Speaker 03

  He turned himself in because he couldn't take it anymore. So I read this letter. He says, you know. Uh, I got pinched, nine years, da, da, da, da. Me? I'm like, I'll put the house up, whatever. I call home. I said. Dad, I can't find him, my father. I swear to God. You could see the, the phone conversation. And I said. He said, mind your fucking business. Get off the phone. And I was like, what are you talking? Get off the phone, Renee. Don't get on the phone today. And I'm like, Dad, I can't find him in this, in the system. Renee, Renee, please, Renee. And I, I couldn't understand what was happening. And then. I call him back. I'm like, Dad, Dad, I can't find him. And I hear my sister Jennifer's son. Open the door and he said, Poppy, it's the police.

• 1:01:32Speaker 03

  And I said, Dad, I'm coming, I'm on my way. And he said, Renee, stay home. You're gonna, I'll go to jail for murder. Don't come here.

• 1:01:40Speaker 03

  And I hung up the phone. And I knew it was over. He was home three months after twelve years. And the next day in the newspaper, it read. Mob wife starth husband's a snitch.

• 1:02:01Speaker 03

  My whole life ended. My identity was wiped. I was nothing at that moment. But I got sober that day. For like, almost a year. And, uh...

• 1:02:17Bunnie XO?

  This is all playing out on the show, and I mean, you're having to not only deal with this in your own personal life, you're literally having to live this with millions of people having an opinion. The first thing I thought of whenever that was going down was, is that what maybe brought you and Karen a little bit closer? Because you kind of had to go through.

• 1:02:39Speaker 03

  So Karen and I, our fight, the first fight we had on the show, it was more planned. Because we were good. Karen, I stayed with Karen before I, the show started and I got sober and she, I lived with her for a while and she helped me out, so. That night we had to do that scene, it turned real. When she's, when I had to say what I had to say about her father and she had to say, "Well, you can't think for yourself." And it was like, real then. But the love we had for each other was not going to go anywhere. We were still gonna stand on it, we just had to say these things to one another. So when Karen came to my house,

• 1:03:23Speaker 03

  I actually...

• 1:03:29Speaker 03

  I would be, I was the one that would say, "Don't talk to the daughter, dah dah dah dah dah." And then people were doing it to my son. And it was Karen that said, that helped my son out. Because I, yeah, I had a nervous breakdown that day in the house. Um, Karen was there. I, I collapsed in the bathroom. Then, I, I ended up spending two weeks in the hospital afterwards from a nervous breakdown. All these things were happening to me, like, you know, it's like this. Everything is happening, everything's happening and happening and happening and you can't put a finger on anything because you're not, I'm not okay up here, you know, for all that time I was, I was using, um, not just what I was prescribed because I had MRSA, so I literally had a hole in my back, the pain was excruciating, it was down to my spine,

• 1:04:14Speaker 03

  like this deep into my back. But now I'm on cocaine and then I stopped, everything stopped that day that I found everything out. So when I get home from the hospital, my money's gone. I'm like, where's my money?

• 1:04:27Speaker 03

  And I take his watch collection, oh, this fucking rat bastard, I take his watch collection and I go to the jeweler. And I said, listen, I gotta pay my taxes, I'm screwed. This man left me with car notes, this, that and the third.

• 1:04:39Bunnie XO?

  Did the FBI take your money?

• 1:04:41Speaker 03

  No.

• 1:04:41Bunnie XO?

  Okay.

• 1:04:42Speaker 03

  Things just disappeared on his behalf because he said he left me everything, he didn't leave me anything but crumbs, the crumbs in my fucking bed and embarrassed and humiliated is what he left me. So the jeweler comes and says, Renee, sit down. I go, for what? Just give me the money, I gotta go. He said, Renee, sit down. The watches are all fake and they all have wires in them. I took my watch off, he said, take that watch off. The watch he gave me in the hospital, Bunny, had a wire in it.

• 1:05:11Bunnie XO?

  Get the fuck out of here, Renee.

• 1:05:13Speaker 03

  My son shouldn't see tomorrow. How about that?

• 1:05:16Bunnie XO?

  What a piece of shit.

• 1:05:19Speaker 03

  So when he's sitting there doing these interviews, he's a fucking liar. He's a disgrace. He doesn't deserve to breathe. He put my father, who wanted to give him my last name so he could be the gangster he wanted to be, and you're a rat? You're a pussy? You're a pussy. That's what you are. You got your son hurt. You beat your wife. You're a pussy. I have no respect for a man like that. I have no respect for any man, any woman or any man that does those type of things to another person. Because that's disgusting. You murdered somebody, not my father, you killed him, but you put my father away because

• 1:06:02Speaker 03

  you are the murderer because you couldn't do your time? You fucking pussy. That's how I feel about it.

• 1:06:10Bunnie XO?

  Good lord, that is heavy. So the watch he gave you while you're laying on your deathbed, he's telling you he loves you, has a wire in it?

• 1:06:20Bunnie XO?

  I don't even

• 1:06:21Speaker 03

  That's right.

• 1:06:22Bunnie XO?

  I have no words.

• 1:06:22Speaker 03

  And I haven't spoke on this, like, I said it on Mob Wives, you'll see it. He wrote how he was gonna murder me. And I've read that letter on purpose on television with Ramona, because I was afraid at that point. At that point, I said, this guy's a killer. I know what he is. So, it is possible. I didn't have my father anymore, he was in jail. My father's also now very, very sick at the time, you know, with the cancer. And I'm saying to myself, what am I gonna do? Okay, I gotta use my brain. Everybody's like, get restraining what, I'm like, I can't, I'm a rat. And everybody was like, no, you're not. And I'm like, no, I'm just gonna read the letter. And maybe that was a little snitchy. Okay.

• 1:07:02Bunnie XO?

  I don't think it was snitchy.

• 1:07:03Speaker 03

  I don't think it was. I had to protect myself. I had to. And I had to show that me and my son are unified and against that man. So, my son is my, like, my life. I'm gonna die for my child and my father, you know? And I remember Jennifer saying that day, shut the, shut it down, shut it down, shut it. I said, don't you shut this fucking show down. We're gonna show every little bit of this, because this is what this life is about.

• 1:07:26Bunnie XO?

  Literally.

• 1:07:27Speaker 03

  It's not about who could dress the prettiest, it's about death, it's about murder, it's about, it's about betrayal. And nobody has been betrayed more than me, from mob wives to the men. And I say mob wives because of the one mob wife, which isn't Karen or Ramona that you interviewed, without saying her name. She's no good neither. That's betrayal. You wanna use, party, have a good time, but you wanna tell on me. But I'm not gonna tell on you, but you wanna tell on me. So, you expect me to hide your lies while you tell my truth? Fuck you, bitch. That's where I'm at in life.

• 1:08:03Bunnie XO?

  We're talking about Drina.

• 1:08:05Speaker 03

  Yeah. And everybody wants to walk around, oh, Renee, you're in recovery, you know, you gotta let things go. No, you don't. I don't have to let anything go if I don't want it. She does, she can't influence me to, to use over it. She can't influence me to feel bad about myself anymore. But the truth of the matter is, it's people like her that say horrible things about a good person like me, who does hide your lies. And, and I'm not talking about drugs, I'm talking about multiple lies. I'll hide your shit for you, because I, I believe that you're not supposed to do that to another person. But you sit there and tell your friends to call me a junkie? Okay. Like, you know, I'm so over the girls that you wanna be a whore, okay, own your shit too.

• 1:08:50Speaker 03

  Like, you know, fuck that bitch. Like, if I wanna sleep with you, I'm going to. You wanna talk about me, who cares? You wanna call me a drug addict, so what? You know, if I'm a drug addict and a little bit of a tramp, oh my god, I must be the worst person in the world. But I'll feed your kids, I'll give you everything I got. So, this whole thing of mob wives and this mob lifestyle, like, you're jealous of me that I'm actually a mob boss's daughter? Hey, that's my father. That's not me, that's my father. That's who I became because of him. So when I was stripped, literally, of everything in life, from money to everything, I had to reinvent myself.

• 1:09:29Speaker 03

  Over and over and over, and I couldn't anymore. I just couldn't. I didn't want to anymore. I didn't know who Renee was. I'm just finding out who I am now. And, yeah, you know what? I was a mob boss's daughter. I'm now a grandmother. I'm a, a, a, an advocate for people in addiction, mental health. I'm way more than a mob wife. Absolutely. Way more, and I don't have to tell you I'm gonna beat you up to be cool. Like, okay, if that's what you think is cool, that's bullying. Yeah. And yes, I might have been a bully on the show, absolutely, but what they don't show you is every situation I was put into.

• 1:10:10Speaker 03

  I fought by myself. Everybody was against me. You know why? Cause they were jealous of Jennifer. They, you know, not all of the girls. A lot of them had problems with my sister, but my sister's your boss. Yeah. Who's on welfare, who's this, who's broke, and at the end of the day, she put a paycheck, and a very tremendous paycheck, for everyone. Maybe we didn't like, we didn't get what we, we thought we should have, but nobody was getting eight thousand an episode, day one, walking in the door. Nobody was. Yeah. What were they giving? Like, Jersey Shore was like fifteen hundred. Nobody was getting eight, eight thousand for your first season. Nobody. You know, and there was just so much.

• 1:10:52Speaker 03

  Jealousy and you know, even on my part, not and I'll say that like Ange had a show, not Renee. Ange this, not Renee, but Renee is the one who's doing all the work. So if you really want to talk about the show, season uh one, I think we all had equal parts. Absolutely. Season two, we know it was all about me with nine extra episodes added. So now everybody got the same paycheck. I didn't get a bonus. Yeah, I had a problem with that. Absolutely.

• 1:11:24Bunnie XO?

  Cause it was your life.

• 1:11:25Speaker 03

  Exactly. And nobody's doing what I'm doing. I'm giving you everything from addiction. I'm dying on TV. I'm I'm ODing basically on TV every year to one point. I know for a fact when I when everybody, Ramona left and Karen left, I was like 75% of the show. I did the work.

• 1:11:42Bunnie XO?

  Yeah.

• 1:11:43Speaker 03

  There was a lot of unfair shit, you know, but I can't blame my sister for it because it's the network that's giving us the money, you know?

• 1:11:52Bunnie XO?

  You guys literally became an iconic moment in time. I don't even think you guys realized how.

• 1:11:59Speaker 03

  Oh, I did.

• 1:11:59Bunnie XO?

  Yeah. And Renee's like, yep, yep, I did.

• 1:12:02Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 1:12:02Bunnie XO?

  Yeah, I I think that you guys are gonna be a part of history and that that whole lineage like, look at you guys have Mob Wives re trending on TikTok now.

• 1:12:11Speaker 03

  It's insane.

• 1:12:12Bunnie XO?

  How do you feel about that TikTok trend?

• 1:12:14Speaker 03

  I love it. I I love I love watching Khloe Kardashian. First of all, I love Khloe.

• 1:12:20Bunnie XO?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 1:12:20Speaker 03

  Um, and I know Khloe from many, many, many years ago. Um, she was always so much fun, a beautiful. She's my favorite. I think she's just a beautiful spirit and strong and she says what she said and I love it.

• 1:12:34Bunnie XO?

  Yeah.

• 1:12:34Speaker 03

  Um, watching everybody, Jo- uh Joan Collins the other day had it, did the Mob Wives aesthetic. I'm like, this is, I wanted to be Joan Collins and Joan Collins just wants to be us now. So for me, it was this moment of. Wow.

• 1:12:51Bunnie XO?

  Yeah.

• 1:12:52Speaker 03

  You know, but again, like I watched my mom do that. Like I, I'm telling you, I came out in a fur coat with, with big diamonds and all of that. So I think it's wonderful. Like if you, you know, I don't like the fact that they attach the negative part to it because fashion is fashion. So they should, you know, leave it alone. But I do understand how they say, how do you glamorize the mafia? Well, I don't know. You guys are the ones making the movies.

• 1:13:17Bunnie XO?

  Yeah. Hollywood has always glamorized the mob.

• 1:13:21Speaker 03

  Because it's, there was something to it.

• 1:13:23Bunnie XO?

  I'm from Vegas. The mob is glorified in Vegas.

• 1:13:27Speaker 03

  Do you know that, um, Meyer Lansky, so my therapist Renee Meyer Lansky was her, uh, godfather. And Bugsy Siegel and Meyer Lansky opened the first Catholic church. Yep.

• 1:13:39Bunnie XO?

  Wow.

• 1:13:40Speaker 03

  Yep. The first Catholic church in, uh, Vegas.

• 1:13:43Bunnie XO?

  Wow. That's amazing. I never.

• 1:13:44Speaker 03

  I love all those like, I want the house where Bugsy Siegel lived that they said is haunted. I would live there with him. I would feel like I have somebody.

• 1:13:51Bunnie XO?

  She said I would, I'd live there with him. He'd love you. You and that, you and that ghost could make out every night.

• 1:13:56Speaker 03

  Absolutely. Snuggle up, baby.

• 1:14:00Bunnie XO?

  I love that. Alright, so let's circle back. You're going through all this shit on Mob Wives. The, the show's kind of imploding at this point and I, it's one because of the Harvey Weinstein thing, but two, also I feel like the cast members were falling apart too.

• 1:14:15Speaker 03

  Uh, falling apart? Like what, what, what episode are we in? What season are we in?

• 1:14:20Bunnie XO?

  I think towards the last season. We're just getting to the point where.

• 1:14:23Speaker 03

  They were reaching.

• 1:14:24Bunnie XO?

  Yeah, it was getting.

• 1:14:25Speaker 03

  Yeah, they were reaching. I guess they wanted like new blood. Uh, Alicia had left the show at this point. Um, Karen came back. That's why Alicia left. Um, and it just, and then the other Natalie left.

• 1:14:40Bunnie XO?

  Carla and Drida stopped being friends. Like it was, do, do we ever know what happened with Carla and Drida? The real story?

• 1:14:47Speaker 03

  Yeah, I do.

• 1:14:49Bunnie XO?

  Can we talk about it? Because you were just with Carla the other day, weren't you?

• 1:14:52Speaker 03

  I was, I saw Carla when I was in Florida, yeah. So, the truth of the matter is, and I, I don't, it's really for Carla to speak on, but I'll tell you this much. So, obviously, it couldn't just be me and Karen that thought she was shitty, because it was her best friend then, that she stopped speaking to. So, it wasn't just me, Ramona, Karen, it was all of us felt the same way. So, now, obviously, who's the common denominator? She is. So, my thing with, with, uh, Drita is this.

• 1:15:27Speaker 03

  She had this

• 1:15:31Speaker 03

  thing where she had to be the, the top dog. Drita's funny. I'm gonna give her that. I, me and Drita have some of the-

• 1:15:38Bunnie XO?

  She's great with the one-liners.

• 1:15:40Speaker 03

  We had some scenes together that we would be crying, laughing so hard. But the jealousy, it's stupid.

• 1:15:49Bunnie XO?

  Yeah.

• 1:15:49Speaker 03

  It's like, you're... Look, if you look up in the sky, there's millions, billions of stars, right? Everybody could be a star. Not my fault, I'm the North Star and you're not.

• 1:16:00Bunnie XO?

  Right, right.

• 1:16:02Speaker 03

  Yeah, I said it.

• 1:16:04Bunnie XO?

  Mimi's over here falling out of her seat.

• 1:16:06Speaker 03

  Yeah, North Star status, sorry.

• 1:16:08Bunnie XO?

  Yeah.

• 1:16:09Speaker 03

  God said, you know what, I'm gonna give you a lot of shit, so I'll make you the North Star. Okay? But what are you in competition with? You can't be me, and I don't wanna be you. You're not my father's daughter, you don't have my upbringing. You can't be me, I can't be you. So, be you over the fuck there, and I'm over here. So, I'm, I'm, I'm confrontation, we all know. I don't, I, I don't give a shit. Um, I don't feel that girls have to put their hands on each other. I can have an argument, a verbal argument with you, okay? So what, you're, you're fast with your words, you're witty? Okay, good for you. I'm not saying you're not a star, you definitely are.

• 1:16:45Bunnie XO?

  Yeah.

• 1:16:45Speaker 03

  But you don't have to be this person to, to down everybody else.

• 1:16:50Bunnie XO?

  Right.

• 1:16:51Speaker 03

  You know what I mean? I, I'm saying what I'm saying because it, when a person knocks you, and knocks you, and knocks you, and kicks you, and kicks you, fuck you bitch, that's where I'm at, and, you know what I mean? And it, it's sad. It really is, because we had something really special, all of us, but- You know, it's my understanding that VH1 was not happy with her either. The demands, the demands. Like, we, I remember, we had to go to like an OK Magazine party and they sent us like Ubers and it wasn't a black car and she threw a fit. Who are you? I was born in a limousine bitch, I don't even complain.

• 1:17:30Bunnie XO?

  Yeah.

• 1:17:30Speaker 03

  Like, I'm really about that life.

• 1:17:33Bunnie XO?

  Right.

• 1:17:33Speaker 03

  Do you know what I mean? I'm really from that life. So, you know, Drita's always saying, I, you know, she was brought up in the projects, da-da-da. But you didn't ride around in a limousine, so what are you complaining for? You got a car, someone's driving you. I don't care that it's not a black car. You're still driving me to point A to point B, I don't gotta worry.

• 1:17:50Bunnie XO?

  Yeah.

• 1:17:51Speaker 03

  Like, what is that about? Like, the demands are ridiculous. They were ridiculous. And...

• 1:17:58Bunnie XO?

  What about the other girls on the show? Are you guys close? Are you guys friends? Like, Carl, I mean, of course, Big Ang, we know, rest in peace.

• 1:18:05Speaker 03

  Yes.

• 1:18:05Bunnie XO?

  You guys all loved Big Ang.

• 1:18:06Speaker 03

  Absolutely. Um, I talked to Karen and I talked to Ramona. Uh, I texted with Ramona this morning.

• 1:18:12Bunnie XO?

  She's so, she's so beautiful.

• 1:18:13Speaker 03

  Yeah. That, you know what?

• 1:18:15Bunnie XO?

  She's so gorgeous.

• 1:18:15Speaker 03

  I, I have to tell you, I didn't talk to, I didn't talk to the girls for quite a while.

• 1:18:19Bunnie XO?

  Yeah.

• 1:18:20Speaker 03

  So, um, you know, there was a falling out with a lot of the, everyone, everyone. And of course, I'm Jennifer's sister, so of course, I'm gonna always stay on my sister's side. But then I got to a point where I had to make my rights. You know, I had to make the, the right wrong that I've done. So I did a lot of apologizing and I'm very grateful that the, the girls have forgiven me. I do talk to Natalie Garcia, uh, the one that I choked in Vegas.

• 1:18:50Speaker 03

  Uh...

• 1:18:51Bunnie XO?

  It's growth, Renee.

• 1:18:52Speaker 03

  It is, it is. It's growth on everybody's behalf, you know? So, I speak to everybody but Drita. And I don't see love at all. You know what I mean? But everybody is...

• 1:19:05Bunnie XO?

  She kinda fell off. Love was like online for the longest time and then like completely disappeared.

• 1:19:09Speaker 03

  Yeah, I don't... She, I, she slept with my son's father too, so, I'm... It's just, it's so, it's just so annoying, all of this stuff. Like, to me, it's just like-

• 1:19:19Bunnie XO?

  Not Hector.

• 1:19:20Speaker 03

  Not Hector, Hector the garbage collector. He hated that.

• 1:19:24Bunnie XO?

  And from this Mob Wives just frenzy, you guys literally were a moment in history and just brought so much realness to people's televisions. What does Renee do after the lights go off?

• 1:19:39Speaker 03

  Uh, Renee continued to work. So I did Celebrity Big Brother. I did Marriage Boot Camp, Family Boot Camp.

• 1:19:46Bunnie XO?

  Yeah, can we talk about the Marriage Boot Camp?

• 1:19:48Speaker 03

  Oh, please, let's talk about it, that fucking idiot.

• 1:19:51Bunnie XO?

  You had another asshole.

• 1:19:53Speaker 03

  Asshole, okay, that was not my boyfriend, at all.

• 1:19:56Bunnie XO?

  Okay, okay.

• 1:19:57Speaker 03

  So, here's that story, okay. So, you know, there was always like that flirtatious thing or whatever. Um, so we get this, the show or whatever, and we do it. But he decides he's gonna get drunk, and he likes to gro- uh, grope. So, um, they have me downstairs doing my scene for hours, and by the time he gets down the stairs, he's wrecked. And he starts cursing about my son's father, and saying the word spic, and this and that, and I'm, and there's a Spanish kid there, and I'm like, "Don't say that. That's not nice. I'm trying to control the situation." By the time we get upstairs, he tells me that I'm an N lover, and I'm a disgrace to my father,

• 1:20:42Speaker 03

  and this and that, and this and that. And I said, "What'd you say?" Like, now, my girlfriend's in the house, Primadonna and her, her husband, and he's saying the N word. And there's two bodyguards, big guys. And he's saying the N word, over and over, telling me, um, uh, he used the C word, he used words that no one's ever-

• 1:21:03Bunnie XO?

  And this is nobody that-

• 1:21:04Speaker 03

  My ex-husbands never even called me the words that he did.

• 1:21:06Bunnie XO?

  This is somebody that you're not even dating?

• 1:21:08Speaker 03

  Right, and he's drunk.

• 1:21:09Bunnie XO?

  Did you guys just decide to go on the show together?

• 1:21:12Speaker 03

  Yes, so we, so, what happens is, he turns around and he says something, and I said, "Joe, my son's gonna hear," and he goes, "Your son's no good like his father."

• 1:21:23Speaker 03

  I crack him like I I don't when I tell you I don't raise my hands like it takes a lot for me and I don't hit men. I cracked this guy so fucking hard that everybody was just sitting there like. Did she just like hit him?

• 1:21:37Bunnie XO?

  They were probably relieved.

• 1:21:40Speaker 03

  Ready the bouncer goes like this. Don't.

• 1:21:44Speaker 03

  Don't I was like I got to boom and I picked up like a there was a big heavy statue and I went to like crack him in the head with it and they were like no you can't do. I lost.

• 1:21:53Bunnie XO?

  Too far Renee too far.

• 1:21:54Speaker 03

  You're telling me you're cursing at me and my son you're telling me my son's no good now watch what I do to you. So now they are like we want you to press charges. I'm like I ain't pressing charges on nobody. Cops come they throw him out of the house. I make him sleep in the tent outside basically. And he had to stay to finish the show. But you know it was like that redemption when I get up there and I'm like he's like well you know you like getting married fuck you I was like I'm good I'm leaving without you. I wanna married him dead.

• 1:22:24Bunnie XO?

  Yeah.

• 1:22:25Speaker 03

  Um you know that was that was.

• 1:22:29Speaker 03

  Acting turned real.

• 1:22:31Bunnie XO?

  Right.

• 1:22:31Speaker 03

  So for me that got really very real every scenario was very real for me. So even though he wasn't my boyfriend, we were talking about reasons why I I have a problem dating. So for me is I don't trust nobody.

• 1:22:47Bunnie XO?

  Yeah.

• 1:22:48Speaker 03

  How could I?

• 1:22:49Bunnie XO?

  Yeah.

• 1:22:49Speaker 03

  How could I? There might be a nice guy down the road somewhere. There might be. And if if he comes along, he's got to come with a letter from God because that's the only way he's allowed around me like it's got to say love God. Like you know.

• 1:23:04Bunnie XO?

  XO XO.

• 1:23:05Speaker 03

  XO XO like there's nothing. Anybody can really do to me anymore, you know.

• 1:23:11Bunnie XO?

  Do you think you'll ever be able to trust somebody and love again to like fully get the. Love that you've been yearning your whole life.

• 1:23:18Speaker 03

  Oh, well, you know what, Bunny? Nobody knows this, but I'll tell you this one. So the last guy I was dating, I found out was gay.

• 1:23:26Bunnie XO?

  Renee, you got a picker on you.

• 1:23:27Speaker 03

  Gay, sucking dick.

• 1:23:32Bunnie XO?

  Renee.

• 1:23:34Speaker 03

  Okay, he wasn't just cheating on me with a girl. He was cheating on me with a Russian guy. So the girl.

• 1:23:40Bunnie XO?

  Which one was this? Do we know who this is? Are we allowed to say?

• 1:23:44Speaker 03

  His name is.

• 1:23:47Speaker 03

  He lives in Long Island, um, and his license plate is I suck dick.

• 1:23:57Speaker 03

  Bleep his, you can bleep his name, but believe it, cuz I'll run with this like a motherfucker. T-shirt, hec to hec, the garbage collector, and I suck dick.

• 1:24:07Speaker 03

  Not me, the boyfriend's.

• 1:24:10Bunnie XO?

  So. How long were you guys together for?

• 1:24:12Speaker 03

  Like, but this is me. Wait, then the one before that was a con man. The things that have happened to me.

• 1:24:18Bunnie XO?

  Renee.

• 1:24:18Speaker 03

  The things that have happened.

• 1:24:19Bunnie XO?

  Okay, no dating anymore, okay? Unless, you need to run them through me first. I'll do background checks. I'll fucking, I need to meet them, like.

• 1:24:26Speaker 03

  I was so, the, the, the one before last, um, he actually studied me. And, um, it was a real con game.

• 1:24:38Speaker 03

  He said, you know what? He said he was away with my dad. He knew everything about my father. So for me.

• 1:24:44Bunnie XO?

  Was he an obsessed fan?

• 1:24:46Speaker 03

  Yeah, so he used me. He opened up a strip club and he wanted fifty cent to do the grand opening and I got fifty to do me a really huge favor. Uh, for a lot less than he charges. And I love Curtis to this day. He's one of my favorite people on the face of this earth.

• 1:25:02Bunnie XO?

  I hear really good things.

• 1:25:03Speaker 03

  I love him.

• 1:25:04Bunnie XO?

  For as much shit as he does not tolerate, like I've always heard really good things about him.

• 1:25:08Speaker 03

  He's a cancer.

• 1:25:09Bunnie XO?

  Yeah.

• 1:25:10Speaker 03

  He is. One of my favorite people ever. He truly is. He's always been so kind to me. He had, you know, he got, he was on the phone, my dad, he, he's met my mom, he came to my father's house. I'll never forget, we were sitting on the couch one day and my ex-husband didn't believe I really worked for him, so he was coming in the house cuz he knew he was, they put his arm around me. He goes, watch this. I go, okay. He goes, I'm so glad she's your ex-wife. I was like.

• 1:25:39Speaker 03

  Yeah, um, I love him. He's always been a good friend to me. I would do anything in the world for him, anything. Um, but yeah, where was I?

• 1:25:49Bunnie XO?

  So the con guy?

• 1:25:50Speaker 03

  Okay, the con man, right. His name was, what was his name?

• 1:25:53Bunnie XO?

  It's okay, we don't need to know her name.

• 1:25:55Speaker 03

  No, I can't remember, actually.

• 1:25:57Bunnie XO?

  We're just gonna have to bleep it anyways.

• 1:26:00Speaker 03

  He was in Texas, he was in Texas.

• 1:26:01Bunnie XO?

  Damn, he was a southern boy?

• 1:26:03Speaker 03

  Yeah, from the Bronx.

• 1:26:04Bunnie XO?

  Oh, okay.

• 1:26:05Speaker 03

  Yeah, but I find out, like, you know what it was, this long distance dating was different. So I'm not always around.

• 1:26:11Bunnie XO?

  Where do you find these men? How do they fall in your lap?

• 1:26:13Speaker 03

  So, okay, so this one booked me and was, I was getting money with him. And he was just really nice all the time, like we'd show up with flowers. But I, see, I don't know what a con game is.

• 1:26:24Bunnie XO?

  Yeah.

• 1:26:25Speaker 03

  So I like con men, but not, I'm, excuse me, I like con vics, not con men.

• 1:26:31Bunnie XO?

  Right.

• 1:26:32Speaker 03

  Um, so for me, I think that's where I kinda got lost in it. Like, I would never think somebody would do that, you know? Cause I don't, I don't come from that.

• 1:26:40Bunnie XO?

  Right.

• 1:26:40Speaker 03

  You know, I come from like, real money in the street.

• 1:26:43Bunnie XO?

  Yeah.

• 1:26:43Speaker 03

  Um, and yeah, so he used me, uh, comes out that I got engaged. And then he didn't wanna pay for the ring, so I had to bring the ring back. And he just wanted a TV show. Yeah, okay.

• 1:26:58Bunnie XO?

  What a scumbag.

• 1:26:59Speaker 03

  That's all right, I got even with him already.

• 1:27:01Bunnie XO?

  So let's move on to I suck dick.

• 1:27:03Speaker 03

  Okay, then, then came I suck dick. So, um, well, let's say he sucks dick, because I know I do. But he sucks dick. So this girl reaches out to me and she tells me that she's his girlfriend. I go, what are you talking about? I'm the girlfriend. So she's like-

• 1:27:19Bunnie XO?

  Where did you meet this guy? Where'd you meet I suck dick at?

• 1:27:20Speaker 03

  Again, through getting money.

• 1:27:24Bunnie XO?

  Okay.

• 1:27:24Speaker 03

  So he was like, let me, I'm gonna manage you for a minute. Because I was quiet, not doing anything. And I figured, okay, maybe, I'm looking at like the, the statistics, the numbers. And his numbers were right, but I didn't know him. And he, he was in the street, um, with that letter. Okay. So me, I go from- You know, the Italian mob, then I dated BMF. My BMF boyfriend was up like a high on the food chain for years.

• 1:27:51Bunnie XO?

  I have a interview with Tony Sa tomorrow.

• 1:27:54Speaker 03

  Okay, okay, so I'll tell you who it is when when we're done.

• 1:27:57Bunnie XO?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 1:27:58Speaker 03

  Um, so I was with him for a really long time. So then I kinda just always stayed in the street because street guys for me were

• 1:28:04Bunnie XO?

  That's how I am.

• 1:28:05Speaker 03

  what I know.

• 1:28:05Bunnie XO?

  I married a street guy. Jay is a street guy.

• 1:28:07Speaker 03

  Right, exactly. So I know the street. However, the streets changed. So the people that I was now associating with are in they're not even chewed dirty gum on my sneaker. They're degenerate lowlifes like they're they belong in the sewer. They're filth. Um, yeah, they all go in the Hector category. So she tells me this, she sends me an article. I read the article and then I start realizing everything in that article is what he's doing to me.

• 1:28:39Bunnie XO?

  Oh, no.

• 1:28:40Speaker 03

  And there's a conversation with him and the guy. And it said, why didn't you, oh, my God, how gross. I threw up for a week. Why didn't you suck my dick last night? I was like

• 1:28:51Bunnie XO?

  Oh, my gosh.

• 1:28:52Speaker 03

  Wait, he wants to call the cops on me because now I go public.

• 1:28:57Bunnie XO?

  Yeah.

• 1:28:57Speaker 03

  Now he calls the cops. The cops come to my house in Florida and they're like, Ms. Gresnianno, are you harassing him? I said, yes, I am. Why? What's the problem? The cop was like, you know, you really can't do that. I go, yes, I can. He's like, no, you can't. I go, no, he's gay. And he told me he wasn't and he's gay. And the cop was like

• 1:29:18Bunnie XO?

  Put your life at risk.

• 1:29:19Speaker 03

  Yeah, and the cop was like, I gotta tell you something. I go, what? He goes, you know, I'm from Long Island, so I know who your father is. Your father would be devastated. He'd roll over in his grave. Because now he's not even my own nationality.

• 1:29:32Bunnie XO?

  Right.

• 1:29:33Speaker 03

  Okay, so now the cop is saying this to me. He's on the phone, the gay man. And I love gay people, but I don't sleep with gay people.

• 1:29:42Bunnie XO?

  Right. Well, it's just

• 1:29:44Speaker 03

  A straight woman wants a straight man.

• 1:29:46Bunnie XO?

  Absolutely.

• 1:29:46Speaker 03

  Okay, it's got nothing to do with that. I love everybody, everybody. I'm not racist. I love everyone.

• 1:29:53Bunnie XO?

  It's also a health risk anytime somebody cheats on you.

• 1:29:58Speaker 03

  The statistics for HIV are way higher with anal sex and da, da, da, da, da, da. The cop says, wait, he called you? I said, yeah, he's at the precinct. I'm harassing him? The cop goes off on him and he goes, I go matter of fact, he's threatening to um, send my son naked pictures. He goes, Ms. Graziano, that's a felony. Would you like to press charges? I said, you know what? I'm not a rat. But I can't do, I just couldn't do it. And he was, you know, then he started to realize the position he was in. And I said, I OD'd over this. This is, this, this, like, I, I just lost my whole life.

• 1:30:41Speaker 03

  Like, it was like I couldn't come up for air. Jennifer wasn't talking to me for a year and a half. Everything in my life is falling apart. My son didn't want to talk to me. Nobody wanted to talk to me. And they were like, Look what you're doing to yourself. Look who you're with. We will not associate with this. And everything just started piling up and piling up and piling up and piling up. And I just, I gave up.

• 1:31:09Bunnie XO?

  And this was in what year?

• 1:31:12Speaker 03

  The one that just passed?

• 1:31:13Bunnie XO?

  Twenty twenty-two, right?

• 1:31:14Speaker 03

  Twenty-three.

• 1:31:15Bunnie XO?

  Twenty twenty-three? Okay, gotcha.

• 1:31:16Speaker 03

  And I stopped speaking. The last time I dealt with him was uh, April.

• 1:31:26Bunnie XO?

  And when did you overdose?

• 1:31:27Speaker 03

  And I, I uh, May. And I just like, like, lost my shit, man. And then I got back up on the horse and I was sober June, July, August, September eighteenth. Someone gave me a bag of fentanyl when it was supposed to be cocaine.

• 1:31:50Speaker 03

  And um,

• 1:31:51Bunnie XO?

  Was it somebody you trusted or you just got it from a dealer?

• 1:31:55Speaker 03

  A girlfriend of mine. I said, make a phone call, do me a favor, da, da, da. And she's like, okay. I, I vouch for him. I said, okay. I have the text message on my phone, too. He said I accidentally gave her. Uh, she, I died in a restaurant in Florida. I was dead. Uh, I was um, interbeded for three days and uh, no one in my family came.

• 1:32:19Speaker 03

  To the hospital and I spent nine days there. Learning how to walk again.

• 1:32:27Speaker 03

  And um. That was it for me. I said, okay, I was always afraid of heroin, like I was never touched it. You know, never did anything like that. And my father's sister, Belinda. She was uh. An addict and um. She died HIV.

• 1:32:48Bunnie XO?

  Hmm.

• 1:32:48Speaker 03

  Uh but she was sober for many years before she died. And uh. For me, it was always that one thought and that was it for me. I was it. And I was like, okay. Like, I'm gonna die for real. Matter of fact, I'm dead again.

• 1:33:03Bunnie XO?

  You did a line of this stuff and how long?

• 1:33:05Speaker 03

  I don't remember anything.

• 1:33:06Bunnie XO?

  You don't? Okay, so you did it.

• 1:33:08Speaker 03

  Three days are wiped from my brain.

• 1:33:09Bunnie XO?

  Literally, you just, that was it. You didn't feel anything?

• 1:33:12Speaker 03

  I don't know. I don't know what happened at all. I don't remember anything. That day, September eighteenth, this com- eighteenth, nineteenth, and twentieth are wiped from my brain.

• 1:33:22Bunnie XO?

  And why did nobody from your family come see you? They were just all mad?

• 1:33:24Speaker 03

  They said I wasn't gonna make it and my family didn't wanna. They just couldn't do it. I mean. Unless they were like really torturing me in some sort of way, but yeah, that was it. That was it for me. And it's fine. And I don't blame them. I don't. Uh I've put them through hell. Hell, I put them through. Um when my father died in uh nineteen. Um in twenty, they told me that if I had shock treatment, that I would not be sad anymore. So I did.

• 1:34:00Bunnie XO?

  So you had shock, uh what do they call that? Does it, where they shock your brain?

• 1:34:05Speaker 03

  Electric shock. Yeah, I think that's what it is. Yeah. I um. Did six sessions. And it destroyed my brain.

• 1:34:15Bunnie XO?

  You don't feel like it helped you at all?

• 1:34:17Speaker 03

  No, I know it didn't. It made my addiction terribly worse. And I um.

• 1:34:24Speaker 03

  That's the first time I'm actually saying it.

• 1:34:28Speaker 03

  Cause nobody knows that. But, yeah.

• 1:34:31Bunnie XO?

  Why you need to speak on these things because you know.

• 1:34:33Speaker 03

  I would have done anything Bunny if they would have said Renee, jump off the bridge and you're not gonna be in pain. I would have said San Francisco or Varenzano, pick it, I'm going, I'm there. I don't care Renee tie bricks to your ankle and stay underwater for a day. You're not gonna live, but you won't be in pain. Okay, let me do it. I would have done anything, anything. In the world to remove that pain of losing my lifeline. Because he was my identity. He was Renee Graziano, I, I, that because of him, I was Renee Graziano.

• 1:35:09Speaker 03

  When you're older, it's hard to figure out who you are. And it's sad and lonely and.

• 1:35:20Bunnie XO?

  Circling back to the shock treatment though, they had recommended that for me whenever I was going through my depression. So I, I think hearing somebody who's actually been through it could possibly help somebody, you know?

• 1:35:30Speaker 03

  Yeah, um, so I, I would not recommend it.

• 1:35:35Speaker 03

  Six months, I did start to sleep, but then everything went haywire. So I lost a lot of my memory. I now take Adderall because of it, because the Adderall actually does help me. Um, I take a very low dose. I haven't been on Adderall in four months now, but uh, I think I have to actually go back on it because of my. I can articulate, but not as good as I normally do. You know what I mean? So my brain isn't as sharp as it was.

• 1:36:06Bunnie XO?

  Right.

• 1:36:06Speaker 03

  And the one thing that the Adderall did do for me was I don't have to take any antidepressants. So I actually have ADD, ADHD. And it's that that contributes to my addiction. So when my brain is here, I can't live in my past.

• 1:36:23Bunnie XO?

  Right.

• 1:36:23Speaker 03

  So when I'm living in my past, that's why I constantly wanna self-medicate. So when I'm, when I'm on the right medication, my brain is like. Sharp, extremely sharp. And it does, it did help with the, you know, um, memory loss and it jogs your memory. But I've also done now, um, ketamine treatments.

• 1:36:45Speaker 03

  Which are phenomenal.

• 1:36:46Bunnie XO?

  Yeah.

• 1:36:47Speaker 03

  Uh, helping with the anxiety. So I don't take any anxiety meds. I take Prozac. For menopause, actually now, uh, which I had to be forced into menopause at forty-four. They lost my uterus from all the scar tissue. Yeah, my stories are crazy.

• 1:37:03Bunnie XO?

  Yeah.

• 1:37:04Speaker 03

  Um, and I take. I was on Strattera with Wellbutrin and that's giving me a hard time.

• 1:37:11Bunnie XO?

  Yeah.

• 1:37:12Speaker 03

  Those, I don't like it at all. It's like a pointless drug. It doesn't work.

• 1:37:16Bunnie XO?

  Right.

• 1:37:16Speaker 03

  It slows the brain down, but it doesn't help you get it out. So that I just stopped and I, um.

• 1:37:24Bunnie XO?

  Let's talk about where you are now. So you did the la- you had your overdose. You had to learn how to walk again in the hospital.

• 1:37:31Speaker 03

  Yeah, I was there for, uh, nine days, uh, and then I was okay. Like, it was like, nothing happened to me.

• 1:37:39Bunnie XO?

  You're a fucking warrior.

• 1:37:41Speaker 03

  Well, if you saw my car accident on January fourth of twenty-two, if you Google it, there's no car. And I'm standing outside the car like with a full face of makeup. I remember, I felt my father. My Aunt Linda and my cousin Anthony pulled me out of that car and they're all dead. And I kid you not, they like, Google it. There's nothing. There's no driver's side. Yep.

• 1:38:04Bunnie XO?

  You have nine lives, Renee. I told you that when we fir- you first got here.

• 1:38:09Speaker 03

  Yeah, well, I like wearing black for that reason too. The cat that I am. Um, I'm just gonna have to learn how to land on my feet.

• 1:38:16Bunnie XO?

  Yeah.

• 1:38:18Speaker 03

  Um, but you know what? I just got a job, uh, working in treatment, um, doing business development. I'm doing.

• 1:38:26Bunnie XO?

  You left, uh, Florida and ended up moving.

• 1:38:28Speaker 03

  Florida. I went to Texas first, um, to get well at Recovery Unplugged, but they didn't have. A program that was a little bit more modified for the extreme trauma for me.

• 1:38:42Bunnie XO?

  Right.

• 1:38:42Speaker 03

  So after we did my trauma ag, it opened up everything again and they couldn't follow up. So then Lamar Odom. Uh, who's a dear friend, had me come to his place, which is Vanity Wellness, uh, out here in California, and now I work for them. And my objective is to help someone realize that they are special. And you don't have to have a hole in your soul and it's okay if you do. You know, just spread love, give love and it's really about that, you know, and and I know I'm harsh with other things that I say because I'm a a real personal feels. You know, and I hate the fact that so many people have done me dirty when I've really never done anything to them.

• 1:39:29Speaker 03

  But you know, a lot of people don't like the truth. So, that's what I tell you. The truth. A lot of people have to tell me the truth. So why can't I say it back, you know, and it's just. I'm not weak by any means and I was.

• 1:39:44Bunnie XO?

  I would never think you're weak.

• 1:39:45Speaker 03

  Okay, well, you know, a lot of people will say it. Because uh, you're weak because you do drugs. Nope. I'm not weak. If I I think I would have been dead. A long time ago if I didn't self-medicate. And I'm not saying it's okay to self-medicate. I'm just saying I would have been dead a long. Yep, I had to numb everything, you know, it's. To have an uncle blown up on on a a street, friends murdered and. You're just cooking Sunday dinner and like, oh, okay, honey, I yeah, I'll leave it on the counter. What is that? I I I spent a year in black going to funerals. So. I'm realizing that is trauma. And although it wasn't.

• 1:40:30Speaker 03

  You know, i- in my household, it still was trauma. You know, losing life is. When you're a loving person, you know, you're separated from somebody that you love. Like I it started with my grandmother when I was thirteen.

• 1:40:46Speaker 03

  And now in life, I have my four grandchildren.

• 1:40:50Bunnie XO?

  Are you and AJ on good terms?

• 1:40:53Speaker 03

  My son just left. Uh, my son and I ha- I'm sober since the third of November. And my son and I have spoken every single day since then.

• 1:41:05Bunnie XO?

  Shout out AJ.

• 1:41:07Speaker 03

  Yes, he's.

• 1:41:09Bunnie XO?

  I'm sure that's detrimental to your sobriety also.

• 1:41:11Speaker 03

  Oh, yeah.

• 1:41:12Bunnie XO?

  Not that we're putting pressure on him. I'm sure that's just so healing for you to be able to.

• 1:41:16Speaker 03

  He's good now. He knows. He made the phone call because I told him that he wasn't going to see me ever again on the third. And I said, I can't do it anymore. I was like, I'm not going to kill myself, but just in case something happens. And he said, stay right there. Don't move. And he made a phone call for me. And um, my friend Phil O'Hara, he got me placed, he put me in. And um, it's just every day he talks to me, every day. And he's proud of me and he says it. He'll call me and be like, what's up, home slice? What are you doing? Like, I'm like, oh, my God, do you know how much money I made on TikTok today? Do you want half of it? And he's like, this is what me and my son do. I'm like, I send him money all the time. And he's like, Mom, you know, you can

• 1:41:59Speaker 03

  keep your own money. And I'm like, no, no, no, go buy the kids stuff. And I'm having so much fun. And he's like, Mom, I just took them to Disney last week. They flew here with the two older ones. Uh, we got rained out in Disney, but we ended up at Universal for um, you know, a beautiful day and it's, it's just my family's talking to me. Everyone in my family's talking to me. My sister Jennifer and I are working together again. She's part of my management team again. Um, I'm so grateful and

• 1:42:32Bunnie XO?

  Happy?

• 1:42:33Speaker 03

  Yeah, I mean, I'm a little angry at a few people and maybe now that I said it, I have to work on that. Um, but if I don't like you, I just don't like you.

• 1:42:43Bunnie XO?

  Right.

• 1:42:44Speaker 03

  I probably don't have to talk about you.

• 1:42:46Bunnie XO?

  Right.

• 1:42:46Speaker 03

  But I can't respect a person that is me, that's cruel. You know what I mean? Like my ex husband, that's evil. I don't like evil.

• 1:42:55Bunnie XO?

  How do you feel about him doing these interviews now?

• 1:42:57Speaker 03

  I think he's a twat. I think he's a twat. I mean, he sounds like a jerk off. I look for an A everything. No, you didn't. You never had anything. It was always my money. You never had any money. You always had my money. I bought the house. Like, you know, he, he's just, I think he should just sit down already.

• 1:43:15Bunnie XO?

  You guys know I've always got a million things going on and sometimes I wonder where my day even went. I was listening to Cal Newport talk about something called shallow work in his class on the masterclass platform. Basically, constantly jumping from one thing to another makes it harder to focus, even when you think you're being. Productive. And let me tell you, that really hit home. It made me realize I need to be more intentional with my time. Plus, they have over 200 classes led by the world's best instructors. From Michael Lewis on storytelling to James Clear on building better habits. If you're looking to invest yourself or give a gift to that friend who's always eager to learn, this is something they'll use. Audio mode lets you listen during workouts or commutes, and lessons are easily downloadable right now. Plans start at just $10 a month billed annually.

• 1:43:59Bunnie XO?

  Backed by a 30-day money-back guarantee. MasterClass keeps adding new classes, so there's never been a better time to get in. Right now, you can get up to 50% off any annual membership at masterclass.com/bunny. That's up to 50% off at masterclass.com/bunny. Head to masterclass.com/bunny to see the latest offer.

• 1:44:20Speaker 04

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• 1:44:50Speaker 03

  You know, but let me tell you something.

• 1:44:51Bunnie XO?

  I can't believe he hasn't been sat down. That's the crazy thing.

• 1:44:54Speaker 03

  Well, who's gonna kill the killer?

• 1:44:55Bunnie XO?

  Right.

• 1:44:56Speaker 03

  My father's dead. So who's coming for him?

• 1:45:00Bunnie XO?

  Yeah.

• 1:45:00Speaker 03

  I mean, you know, he, he, he... I don't know why you even want to speak about me. Leave me alone.

• 1:45:08Bunnie XO?

  Like you've already done enough.

• 1:45:09Speaker 03

  Alone. Like, I have not spoken to you in 13 years. Leave me the fuck alone. Take your jerk-off girlfriend, who's a Mob Wives fan, and follows me and stalks me and calls me a junkie and all... Like, bitch, you don't, you just got knocked out cold by a man. You should sit the fuck down, too.

• 1:45:30Bunnie XO?

  Does he have a relationship with AJ at all?

• 1:45:32Speaker 03

  No, he's, he's, he's, he has to, he, uh...

• 1:45:37Speaker 03

  He should, you know what, God works in very mysterious ways though, because he has blood cancer now. Am I smiling? Oh shit.

• 1:45:46Bunnie XO?

  I'm sorry.

• 1:45:48Bunnie XO?

  Hey, I'm telling you, man, evil-

• 1:45:49Speaker 03

  I can't help it. You know what, I, I, I know I'm supposed to be like, I know God, he's, God's not even mad at me, forget it. He's not even mad. How could you be mad at the girl that this man beat and did all these things to? And she smiles because you're sick.

• 1:46:03Bunnie XO?

  Yeah.

• 1:46:03Speaker 03

  He's really sick though, like, he's diagnosed sociopath with psychopathic tendencies. Like, you should really sit down.

• 1:46:14Bunnie XO?

  Yeah.

• 1:46:15Speaker 03

  You sound like an asshole.

• 1:46:16Bunnie XO?

  Yeah.

• 1:46:16Speaker 03

  Doing interviews. You're a rat.

• 1:46:19Bunnie XO?

  Yeah.

• 1:46:20Speaker 03

  You want to profit from being a rat? You put my father in prison, my best friend's husband, my uncle, you destroyed a family, many families. And how about the girl that doesn't have a father anymore? You did that. So you should be talking to God, not people doing podcasts because you want to earn money. Go get a fucking job.

• 1:46:44Bunnie XO?

  Yeah.

• 1:46:45Speaker 03

  Get a fucking job. And stop beating women already. Stop. It's disgusting.

• 1:46:51Bunnie XO?

  They never stop.

• 1:46:52Speaker 03

  You're not getting into heaven. Like, you're, you know, you're still, and you know, I'm gonna say it. I'm gonna, I wasn't gonna, but I'm gonna. So he was threatening to hurt me again. Okay, just recently. The threats, the threats.

• 1:47:04Bunnie XO?

  Junior?

• 1:47:05Speaker 03

  Yeah. Threat, how he's gonna kill me.

• 1:47:06Bunnie XO?

  Hector, he doesn't even deserve the name Junior.

• 1:47:08Speaker 03

  He doesn't, no, he doesn't. The threats, the threats, the threats. It's just to the point where it, it's gotta stop.

• 1:47:15Bunnie XO?

  He, just recently? That's like, that could be detrimental to your sobriety.

• 1:47:18Speaker 03

  Yep. So my poor son had to do this.

• 1:47:24Speaker 03

  He said, he said-

• 1:47:27Speaker 03

  You chose to do what you did and be on podcasts. You shouldn't be mad or anything if you get stuff said about you. And at the end of the day, you abused her and you're still trying to abuse her. You're trying to hit her so she falls back down. I don't know how you think you're trying to be a protector or how you say you want the best from her. When clearly that has never been the case. My son had to actually do that for me. Do you know how disgusting you must be as a parent? That your child has to defend his mother?

• 1:47:58Bunnie XO?

  Yeah.

• 1:47:59Speaker 03

  And you know what that did to me? That my son, now I know my son knows. Do you know what I mean? Like I knew he knew, but now I know he feels it. To say you abused his mother. Go the fuck away.

• 1:48:16Bunnie XO?

  They never do.

• 1:48:17Speaker 03

  Just go away. I don't want you anywhere by me. I don't even, unless provoked, I don't talk about you because you are a non fucking factor. You're a degenerate loser.

• 1:48:33Bunnie XO?

  Yeah.

• 1:48:33Speaker 03

  Go the fuck away. Take your girlfriend and go away.

• 1:48:37Bunnie XO?

  Yeah.

• 1:48:38Speaker 03

  And she needs therapy, that bitch. How are you with, like, how do you not see what's happening to you? You know, and

• 1:48:47Bunnie XO?

  It's the same reason that we didn't see what was happening to us.

• 1:48:49Speaker 03

  It takes a woman seven times. Do you know that? That's the number. Seven times she'll have to be hit before she leaves.

• 1:48:57Bunnie XO?

  Yeah.

• 1:48:57Speaker 03

  Well, I'm pretty sure she's probably around seven now.

• 1:49:00Bunnie XO?

  Yeah, that's about right because that's what it took me to leave.

• 1:49:04Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 1:49:04Bunnie XO?

  A few years and being beat up a few times.

• 1:49:07Speaker 03

  Took me 10 years. 10 years. I couldn't.

• 1:49:11Bunnie XO?

  Renee, I'm so proud of you.

• 1:49:12Speaker 03

  Thank you.

• 1:49:13Bunnie XO?

  You have come so far.

• 1:49:15Speaker 03

  And I'm not done, honey.

• 1:49:17Bunnie XO?

  I'm so excited to see what you do in the future and I want, if you ever need to talk, you just call me. Just text me, call me. If you're ever having a rough time or anything, I'm always going to be here for you.

• 1:49:28Speaker 03

  I appreciate it and I love what you're doing and I love the energy you put out. It's positive. Even like I could watch your face when I'm saying certain things, you're like, oh shit. But you know, I don't often talk the way I do in an interview, but I'm so comfortable. And I've been holding all of this for so long.

• 1:49:48Bunnie XO?

  Let it out.

• 1:49:49Speaker 03

  That it, that's what makes me sick. So it's kinda-

• 1:49:52Bunnie XO?

  Your secrets keep you sick.

• 1:49:53Speaker 03

  Oh, sure do. You know, now everybody knows I'm a little bit of a tramp, though.

• 1:49:59Bunnie XO?

  No, they don't.

• 1:49:59Speaker 03

  I don't care.

• 1:50:00Bunnie XO?

  They love you.

• 1:50:01Speaker 03

  I don't ca- I don't care. I don't care anymore. I'm so tired of caring about what other people think of me.

• 1:50:07Bunnie XO?

  Stop caring. That's what, that was my huge lesson last year was I had to stop. I had so many people attacking me because of this podcast and just, I got to a point where I was just like, I don't fucking care. I'm doing this, you're not. This is my life.

• 1:50:20Speaker 03

  Well, it's jealousy.

• 1:50:21Bunnie XO?

  Yeah, it's wild.

• 1:50:22Speaker 03

  Isn't it insane that, and you know, the comments that people say, the things that people say to hurt another human? Like, what people say about me when I read them, you know, the way I look, or this, or edited, or, I love my fucking apps. Leave me alone. I created a, a Mob Wife app.

• 1:50:42Bunnie XO?

  Yeah.

• 1:50:42Speaker 03

  Um, you know, just for the fun of it, because I love the way it looks. I love AI pictures. I don't always look good, so why shouldn't I? Like, people-

• 1:50:50Bunnie XO?

  It's your world. You can do what you want, just like everybody does what they want on their own apps and on their own platforms.

• 1:50:56Speaker 03

  Who goes on a person's page and says those things?

• 1:50:58Bunnie XO?

  Weirdos. Literally, straight up weirdos.

• 1:51:01Speaker 03

  Yeah. I agree.

• 1:51:04Bunnie XO?

  Well, what's next? What's in the future for you? What do you have in the works?

• 1:51:07Speaker 03

  Okay, so Mob Candy, I have my jewelry line still, Mob Candy. I have a new app with Drop Me in AI called Mob Wife by Renee Graziano. And people could download their photos and they get to look like a mob wife.

• 1:51:21Bunnie XO?

  Ah.

• 1:51:22Speaker 03

  For eight dollars as opposed to going buying that fur coat, you get the free fur coat there. Um, I have, I'm working on a project. Hopefully it'll come to fruition with TV. I did do my own pilot for My Fairy Mob Mother. Unfortunately, it was part of my relapse. Um, there were a lot of things that I touched on that I obviously didn't deal with. And I started to self-medicate again, so I'm gonna leave that there.

• 1:51:49Bunnie XO?

  Yeah.

• 1:51:50Speaker 03

  That's not for me. Um, and right now I just wanna help somebody get sober. That's it. That's, that's really my focus. I have four grandchildren that I have to worry about. Um-

• 1:52:05Speaker 03

  And maybe I'll find love one day, you know? But in the meanwhile, I'm gonna love me enough.

• 1:52:10Bunnie XO?

  Yeah.

• 1:52:11Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 1:52:11Bunnie XO?

  That's, that's beautiful. And I think that's all you can do after all the shit you've been through Renee. You are still fucking standing. You're still punching life and telling him it hits like a bitch. Like you are one tough cookie dude.

• 1:52:23Speaker 03

  Thank you.

• 1:52:24Bunnie XO?

  I just, I love your aura. I love everything about you and I can't, I cannot wait to see well, how much hell you give the world. Continuing on in these years.

• 1:52:33Speaker 03

  This time around as Renee, just Renee. I, I look forward to, to see who I'm gonna be in about a year from now.

• 1:52:42Bunnie XO?

  I'm excited and you gotta come back and visit me.

• 1:52:44Speaker 03

  Absolutely.

• 1:52:45Bunnie XO?

  And come, come to a concert. We're gonna be everywhere. We're going on tour, so come.

• 1:52:50Speaker 03

  I'm such like a country fan too. Like I love country music.

• 1:52:53Bunnie XO?

  That's hilarious that you're a mob wife and love country.

• 1:52:55Speaker 03

  Oh my God, Garth Brooks. When I get married, the song from Hope Floats, that's gonna be like my, my wedding song.

• 1:53:02Bunnie XO?

  I love that.

• 1:53:03Speaker 03

  Absolutely, absolutely. I love it. It's just like, it's, it's real.

• 1:53:07Bunnie XO?

  Come to, yeah, come to a show. Jay would love to meet you.

• 1:53:10Speaker 03

  Oh yes.

• 1:53:10Bunnie XO?

  I'll call him, I'll call him when, when we're done with this podcast so you can say hi.

• 1:53:13Speaker 03

  Yes, and, and he, let me tell you something. My mother is a huge fan.

• 1:53:18Bunnie XO?

  That's hilarious. I love that.

• 1:53:19Speaker 03

  It is because she calls me, wait, I get, I get messages. Do you know what Jelly's doing now? He's working with the, what is it? Something to Towers, Freedom Towers. She tells me everything.

• 1:53:29Bunnie XO?

  Aww.

• 1:53:30Speaker 03

  She's like Renee, he's remarkable.

• 1:53:32Bunnie XO?

  No, he is.

• 1:53:33Speaker 03

  And she's like, he spoke to Congress Renee. I'm like, yes, mom, I know. She's like, oh my God, this is wonderful. You have a friend like you. And I'm like, you know what, Ronnie? You just gotta stick your foot in your mouth all the fucking time.

• 1:53:48Bunnie XO?

  I love it.

• 1:53:49Speaker 03

  Thank you so much doll.

• 1:53:50Bunnie XO?

  Well, why don't you tell people where they can find you on your social medias?

• 1:53:53Speaker 03

  So social media for Instagram is Renee Graziano. And it's the real Renee Graziano on TikTok where I make all my goofy dances.

• 1:54:01Bunnie XO?

  Go follow the OG Mob Wife and go pop into her lives and give her all your gifts.

• 1:54:07Speaker 03

  Yes.

• 1:54:08Bunnie XO?

  Thank you so much Renee.

• 1:54:09Speaker 03

  You're welcome.

• 1:54:10Bunnie XO?

  It's been a blast and thank you guys for tuning into another episode of Dumb Blonde. I will see you guys next week. Bye.

• 1:54:19Bunnie XO?

  Running my own merch store has taught me a lot about what goes into having an online business, especially when the holidays roll around. With my store at bunnyxo.com, I know how important it is to have everything. Ready before the holiday shopping rush. And one thing I've learned is that you don't want to wait until Black Friday to get started. One of my favorite things is having everything in one place when you're running a business. You already have a million things going on, so the last thing you want is for managing your storefront to be one more thing to stress about. Shopify makes it easy to get your store launched, manage it, and actually focus on selling. That's why I love having Shopify behind my storefront. It gives me a place to showcase my merch and make it easy for my customers to shop.

• 1:55:00Bunnie XO?

  Shopify helps you launch a store and start selling in a few simple steps without needing to be an e-commerce expert. Shopify pre-built themes and AI site builder can make it easier to create a professional storefront. Launching before Black Friday means you can take advantage of the extra online traffic. If you're ready to launch your business before Black Friday, go to Shopify.com/BUNIE to start your free trial. That's Shopify.com/Bunny. Go to Shopify.com/Bunny today to hear your first.