7 Ways to Make the Holidays Special From a Distance or Close By

There’s no doubt that this holiday season will be different to those we are used to. But that doesn’t mean that we shouldn’t connect with our loved ones. On this episode of On Purpose, Jay Shetty offers creative solutions for connecting with friends or family this holiday season whether you’re spending time together or apart. Which strategy will you use to spend meaningful time with those you love? Share your thoughts and reflections on these strategies to make this holiday season an impactful one. If On Purpose inspires you, Jay’s exclusive Genius workshops and meditations will take your life to the next level. Go to https://shetty.cc/OnPurposeGenius to learn more. See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Speaker names marked ? are inferred from speaking time and the show’s known hosts — they are not voice-verified.

• 0:00Jay Shetty?

  This episode is brought to you by AG1. Are you feeling September reset too? Shorter days, longer to-do lists, earlier alarms, all those routines you promised yourself you'd pick back up. It can feel like your whole life is recalibrating. And when everything around you is changing, it helps to have a few things you can rely on. AG1 Next Gen is one of those easy habits to keep. It's the clinically-backed, comprehensive daily health drink that supports your gut health, energy production, and foundational nutrition all in one scoop. AG1's ingredients are sourced from quality partners for absorption, potency, and nutrient density to deliver the foundational nutrition your body needs. And alongside a proper diet,

• 0:44Jay Shetty?

  AG1 Next Gen meets 94% of nutrient requirements and it's clinically shown to enrich the gut microbiome. For a limited time, save 20% on your first subscription order of AG1 Next Gen or AG1 Pro at drinkag1.com/onpurpose. That's drinkag1.com/onpurpose. This episode is brought to you by AG1. Are you feeling September reset too? Shorter days, longer to-do lists, earlier alarms, all those routines you promised yourself you'd pick back up. It can feel like your whole life is recalibrating. And when everything around you is changing, it helps to have a few things you can rely on.

• 1:29Jay Shetty?

  AG1 Next Gen is one of those easy habits to keep. It's the clinically-backed, comprehensive daily health drink that supports your gut health, energy production, and foundational nutrition all in one scoop. AG1's ingredients are sourced from quality partners for absorption, potency, and nutrient density to deliver the foundational nutrition your body needs. And alongside a proper diet, AG1 Next Gen meets 94% of nutrient requirements and it's clinically shown to enrich the gut microbiome. For a limited time, save 20% on your first subscription order of AG1 Next Gen or AG1 Pro at drinkag1.com/onpurpose. That's drinkag1.com/onpurpose.

• 2:16Jay Shetty?

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• 3:00Jay Shetty?

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• 3:12Jay Shetty?

  Hey, everyone. Welcome back to On Purpose, the number one health podcast in the world. And I'm so excited to share this news with you. As of the 12th of December, which is when the Streamy Awards for 2020 were held, On Purpose was given the award and honour of Best Podcast of the Year. Now, I know that this year has been so difficult and so challenging in so many ways. And I just want to take a moment to thank you all, because I hope that this podcast has supported your mental health, your wellbeing, your journey to strive towards your purpose this year. And I'm so grateful that you've stood by us, as me and the team have found so many different ways to make sure we get content to you.

• 3:57Jay Shetty?

  I know sometimes the audio hasn't been perfect, we're working on that and it's going to be better, I promise you. And at the same time, I know that it's been such a hectic year, but we have been creating content to support you, and we will continue to do that in 2021. So let's come back a bit to where we are today. Answer this honestly. Are you excited for the holidays? I know I am. And most years, that question would be super easy to answer. A big yes. But this year, maybe that yes is a bit qualified. Are you excited but maybe also feeling apprehensive or lonely? If so, you're not alone.

• 4:39Jay Shetty?

  One thing's for sure, the vast majority of us this holiday are going to be very different than the ones in the past, but it doesn't have to be different in negative way. If there's one thing so many of us have learned in 2020, it's that challenges also bring opportunities, right? Nothing is ever entirely bad, even if it feels like it is at the time, and holidays are no different. Today, we're talking about seven things you can do to make the holiday feel special, whether you're far from loved ones or close by. And the reason I decided to do this episode is because I know a lot of you may need this, and even if you don't need it, send it to someone else who needs it. Here's number one, and it's a really practical one. This is probably one of my favorite things to do.

• 5:22Jay Shetty?

  I did it very, very early on. Make a digital photo gallery of some of your best holiday memories and share it with your family, whether your family by birth or your family of choice. Now, this can be a digital photo album or a video slideshow, whatever you want. And there are loads of apps out there that make it really easy to do this. You just upload your images or videos and you can email or send a link to your loved ones. Group Zoom calls are awesome, and I know a lot of you have been doing that with family all year round. The thing I like about this idea, though, which you can do in addition to live video call if you want, is that you're getting to share some of those experiences from holidays

• 6:04Jay Shetty?

  past, and that's something we often don't stop to do. One of my favorite things is that it sparks storytelling. How many Christmases can you go back to? How many holidays could you go back to where you've forgotten some of your favorite memories? And hearing people in your life tell you stories about them is such a phenomenal way to bond. Remember that year the dog ate the Christmas pudding? Or the kids found the stash of holiday chocolate? And by kids, I meant me and me. If it was that really good chocolate? Or remember the year someone got engaged or the oven broke and everyone got takeout? Or the year of the blizzard when the lights went out and you sang by the fire? Physical proximity is wonderful,

• 6:49Jay Shetty?

  but being able to be in the same room as the ones you love isn't everything. Think about it, what feels worse? Not being able to be physically close to someone you love, or being in the same room with someone and yet feeling miles away? Again, really think about that and ask yourself, what makes me feel close to someone? It's not sharing physical space, but sharing heart space that truly makes us feel connected, right? And sharing special memories from years past is a beautiful thing we can do to feel that connection. Psychologist Arthur Aron is best known for his work on intimacy. In a now famous study, Dr. Aron developed thirty-six questions that he theorized would help to create intimacy.

• 7:32Jay Shetty?

  Then he had total strangers spend forty-five minutes asking one another the questions. The questions are things like, would you like to be famous? And if so, in what way? And what would constitute a perfect day for you? After the questions, the pairs of participants spent four minutes looking into one another's eyes. Both the questions and the eye gazing, Aron theorized would create the kind of mutual vulnerability that would lead to deep connections. As it turns out, the method was so effective that some people who were strangers at the start of the study went on to get married. Since the original study, the questions have been used by friends and couples to bring each other even closer. When we reflect on the times we've shared together,

• 8:16Jay Shetty?

  whether fun, exciting, joyful, or challenging, we're calling on that intimacy. We're stepping into that vulnerable space of sharing and connecting and saying, you matter to me. If you want to take this holiday activity to the next level, you can send out your video of favorite holiday moments and ask your group, what's one of your favorite holiday memories? So, when you share your digital photo or video gallery, it's like you're breathing some of that extra life and vitality into your family or friend's circle and reminding everyone of these treasured experiences that have enriched your lives. Go do this one, please don't skip it. It's also gonna be so much fun just putting it together. Like when you're in the process, you'll be talking to your friends and family, you'll be explaining it to your spouse, you'll be telling someone else a story about it.

• 9:01Jay Shetty?

  There's just so much goodness that can come out from this very, very simple activity.

• 9:08Jay Shetty?

  This episode is brought to you by Whole Foods Market. If you're talking about quality food, you can't forget Whole Foods Market, who've been holding themselves to the highest standards since they opened in 1980. That means you'll see thousands of organic products across their stores, from the produce department to the aisles. It also means you'll never see certain ingredients. They've banned artificial sweeteners and colours, high fructose corn syrup and more, so you can shop with peace of mind. Shop Whole Foods Market in-store or online. This episode is brought to you by Wayfair. Home should be a place that feels like a sanctuary, a space that truly reflects who you are. But it can be challenging to balance style, budget and endless options.

• 9:53Jay Shetty?

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• 10:36Jay Shetty?

  Head to wayfair.com to shop all things home. That's W A Y F A I R dot com. Wayfair, every style, every home. This episode is brought to you by State Farm. We talk a lot about intentional decision-making, and that extends to the practical stuff too, like making sure your coverage actually works for your life. State Farm is there to meet you where you are and they know how sweet it is to feel good about your decisions. Talk to a State Farm agent today to learn how you can choose to bundle and save with a personal price plan. Like a good neighbour, State Farm is there. Prices are based on rating plans that vary by state. Coverage options are selected by the customer. Availability, amount of discounts and savings and eligibility vary by state.

• 11:21Jay Shetty?

  Okay, here's number two. And this applies probably more for those of you who will be together in person, though it could also apply if you're doing online group conversations. We know that when people, especially families, get together, it can sometimes be charged. There are lots of issues where people have different opinions. Maybe something was said, or there was an incident that happened where two people are now at odds. Tip number two is that if you've got a situation like that, and you need to have an uncomfortable conversation with someone about a disagreement or an incident, do it in private, one-on-one, not at the dinner table, not in front of the whole group. There are a couple of reasons for that. One of which is that it can make other people feel uncomfortable or feel like they're supposed to take sides.

• 12:04Jay Shetty?

  And that doesn't help the situation, and it could just escalate it. But the biggest reason is that when we're put on the spot in front of a group, we're far more likely to get defensive. Have you ever been in a situation where someone called you out on something in front of others? How did that make you feel? Our first instinct when we feel attacked is to try and shut the conversation down or to defend ourselves. Leadership coach Rosalie Puman, who specializes in what she calls courageous communication, writes in the Huffington Post that when we have difficult conversations, it's important to cut out all distractions so we can be fully present. And it's hard to do that in front of a group. It's tough to stay calm and give the conversation our full attention

• 12:47Jay Shetty?

  and when others who aren't involved are present. And that makes it less likely that you'll arrive at the kind of conclusion or resolution you're looking for in the first place. So if you need to have a serious talk with someone, don't do it at the group holiday gathering. Set up a separate time for that when you can do it privately. Talk about it on text message before so you can make sure you do this so you don't turn up on the day already feeling like you're ready to go. Here's the third way to make the holiday special. Have a gratitude circle. Again, this can be in person or in a group call, and it can be with friends or family. Now, gratitude circle isn't just going around in a circle and everyone's saying something they're grateful for, though that's an awesome thing to do as well.

• 13:31Jay Shetty?

  The kind of gratitude circle I'm talking about goes a little deeper than that. In fact, it really plays in again to that research Arthur Arund did around the questions that help us develop intimacy. In this gratitude circle, you're going to share a high and low point of this year. Those may be different things, or they may be related, like a problem and how you met it or solved it. Like your greatest challenge might have been managing working at home with your partner, and maybe your kids are at home on top of it, and they need to be home schooled, and that might also be your greatest success. Figuring out ways to do that so that people are feeling at least some kind of balance. Maybe it's not perfect, but you've figured out a way to manage it. Or they can be unrelated. Maybe the low was losing your job, but a high was getting married

• 14:16Jay Shetty?

  or celebrating a milestone birthday or finally signing up for those singing lessons you've been wanting to take. By sharing our lows and not just our highs, we're normalizing struggle. And in a world where we all feel so much pressure to do everything right and to make it look easy while we're doing it, it's super important. We need to acknowledge when things are hard. Oh, and you don't have to call it a gratitude circle. You can call it something much cooler than that or something that your family will vibe with. Okay, here's number four. Now, I know a lot of us are not going to be able to take part in some of our favorite traditions this year. Maybe you won't get to eat the special cinnamon rolls your mom makes special for you on the holidays, fresh out the oven. One of my friends is bummed because in her town, one of her friends hosts a huge community potluck on Christmas,

• 15:01Jay Shetty?

  and it's of course cancelled this year. Maybe you love going to a religious or spiritual service every year, and that's cancelled. But you can be festive in a small group or even on your own. Maybe it's not a typical activity you do every year or the way you normally do it, but you don't have to let the festive spirit pass you by. If you love Christmas caroling, you can still do that. All year, there've been groups of musicians who had to cancel their live shows. Who've gone online or who went out serenading people on their front lawns. I know someone whose family is spread across the country and for American Thanksgiving, they picked an easy to make dish that they all loved, that they normally ate together. They each made it, then they got on a Zoom call and ate and talked together. Or you can do a mini party with your quarantine pod if you've got one.

• 15:46Jay Shetty?

  Even on your own, you can celebrate. Decorate a little tree or a big one, watch your favorite movies, make cards, light candles, do something special. There's a great quote from Joseph Campbell, who was the originator of the idea of the hero's journey, the author of The Hero With A Thousand Faces. He said, "Find a place inside where there's joy and the joy will burn out the pain. Joy and pain often go together and it's okay to find ways to celebrate even in the midst of struggle." And I'd say it's actually the most important time to find ways to celebrate.

• 16:22Speaker 01

  Now, more than ever, we need someone on our side. But Rob Whitman? Whitman's votes drove up costs, cut Medicaid and risked 350,000 Virginians' healthcare to pay for tax breaks for himself and his donors. He's not on our side. Shannon Taylor will fight corruption, cut taxes and bring down costs. This November, vote for Shannon Taylor. She's for us. Paid for by HMP, the HouseMajorityPac.com, not authorized by any candidate or candidate's committee.

• 16:53Jay Shetty?

  Remember, you don't need an excuse to celebrate and you also don't need an excuse to practice self-care. But this holiday season may be giving you one. And that's number five for how to make this holiday special. If you've got it, spend some of your found time on yourself. You probably aren't doing any travel. You might normally do this over the holiday and this is the year to make sure you do that so you can be set up for next year. According to AAA, last year in the US, set a holiday record for travel between December 21st and January 1st with, get this, 115.6 million people hitting the roads and the skies. No wonder the lines of the airport were so long and the traffic was so bad, but not this year.

• 17:34Jay Shetty?

  Most of us are staying at home and that means lots of us also have more time than we often do during the holidays. Not only that, but forget about office holiday parties, friends' holiday parties, big family gatherings and all that, right? The holidays are awesome, of course, but sometimes it feels like a marathon to get through to the end of the year because you've got so many expectations and demands on our time. In 2017, Randstad did a survey asking whether people would rather have a bonus extra vacation time or go to a company party. You can probably guess how that turned out. Most people chose the extra money or vacation time, but guess what percentage? Was it A, 55%? B, 78%? C, 90%?

• 18:17Jay Shetty?

  How many people said they'd rather have a bonus or more vacation time than to go to their office holiday party? If you guessed A, 55%, you're wrong. It's C, 90%. The point is that most of us are off the hook this year for at least one or two activities, maybe more, some of which we don't love in the first place. And I'm suggesting that you use at least some of that fun time for self-care. Get some rest. Take that long luxurious bath or that long run you've been daydreaming about. Come up with that movie idea. Play those extra few sets of tennis. You know, give a gift to yourself and do something you don't normally have the time or energy to do. And maybe you can make that self-care something that's a new tradition.

• 19:01Jay Shetty?

  Like I have these two friends who are a couple and every year they make sure they get two hours of quiet time somewhere in the holidays to watch the movie Serendipity together. If you don't know that movie, it's a romantic comedy and it's also kind of a holiday themed and they just enjoy doing that together and having that day every year. It's part of their self-care as a couple and it's a holiday tradition. Traditions don't have to be fancy. They don't have to look a certain way and now's a great time to try something new. And that's way number six to make the holiday special. Experiment with some new traditions. These can be a tradition you have as a couple, or you can do it as a friends or a small group with your kids, or it can just be something special that you do yourself. Entrepreneur Jesse Itzler wrote the books,

• 19:44Jay Shetty?

  Living with a Seal, that's Navy SEAL, not the sea animal, and Living with the Monks. I'm of course partial to that one. Anyway, Jesse has a tradition he does at the holidays that he calls closing the books. He goes into his office at home by himself and spends some quiet time reflecting on the year, on what he accomplished, on what went well, and what didn't go so well. And he sets an intention for the following year. He also writes out his family's year end checks to charities they support. Incidentally, he's married to Spanx founder and philanthropist Sarah Blakely. I love that tradition of closing the books because there's a lot of depth and meaning to it. But traditions can be silly or ridiculous too, like doing an ice plunge in a lake with a friend. Incidentally, that's what Jesse did the holiday when Navy SEAL David Goggins was living with him for a month.

• 20:29Jay Shetty?

  After he closed the books, Goggins had Itzler run down to the hill into freezing lake and dive in with him. And having met David Goggins, I've got to tell you, I'm not least bit surprised by that. Anyway, that's a great segue to number seven, which is to think a bit ahead to the end of the year. Are you thinking about making any resolutions this year? Brick language learning took a little tour of popular New Year's resolutions around the world in 2018. What do you think the number one resolution in China was? Was it lose weight? Spend time with family or quit smoking? The answer was B, and technically it was phrased, become more family oriented. I bet a lot of us are thinking about that this year

• 21:12Jay Shetty?

  when so many of us have been separated from family. Okay, how about Japan? Was the most popular resolution there, A, save more money? B, learn a new language? C, read more? If you chose A, save more money, that's a good choice, but you're wrong. It was C, read more. I get that. I love to read. I'm sure lots of you would like more time to read too, right? And how about Brazil? What was the most popular resolution? A, lose weight? B, fall in love? C, stop smoking? If you guessed A, lose weight, you're right. Though I was kind of hoping it was fall in love. That's a great one. As for the US, getting healthy, exercising more and eating better was number one. Though that sounds like three resolutions to me.

• 21:55Jay Shetty?

  And maybe that's why so many of us have trouble keeping our resolutions. We bite off more than we can chew, so to speak. Interestingly, according to data from Finder, at this time last year in America, sixty-eight point five percent of men and sixty-one point five percent of women surveyed planned to make a New Year's resolution. And so-called resoluters vary dramatically by age. Well, just under half of boomers planned to make a resolution. A whopping eighty-six point nine percent of millennials surveyed planned to make at least one resolution. And more than half said they'd focus on one or more money-related goals. Boomers and Gen Xers were more likely to focus on fitness and self-improvement. That all sounds great, so I say, why wait? If there's something you know you want to change,

• 22:40Jay Shetty?

  why not start now by test-driving your New Year's resolution? And here's why. I know a lot of us have really struggled with 2020, and I get it. To say it's been full of challenges for most of us is an understatement. But it's not the year's fault, right? I mean, I've seen some really hilarious 2020 memes, like the one that says if 2020 was an avocado, and it's a picture of avocado where like ninety percent of it is a giant pear. Sometimes when things are this hard, we just need to be able to laugh, and that's great. And at the same time, don't fall into the trap of expecting a new date and a new year to change everything. You can throw out your 2020 calendar or burn it, and I know loads of you just can't wait to do that. But nothing's really going to change

• 23:23Jay Shetty?

  until we really focus on the growth we need to make. So why wait for 2020 to end? You have the power to start the change right now. It will also help you end 2020 on a high note. And doesn't that sound a lot better than just waiting for days to tick by so you can be done with this year? End 2020 with setting up yourself for that resolution. And here's one resolution that I think's really powerful. For us all to serve more this holiday season. For us all to be more kind and generous this holiday season, how can we support a charity? Support someone in need? Support the homeless? Support children who don't have access to food or water? Supporting our friends or family? Serving can be a beautiful way to end the year.

• 24:06Jay Shetty?

  So those are seven ways to make this holiday season special. I know it probably won't be what you're used to, but let's make the best of it by shaking things up and trying something new, along with revisiting some of our favorite old memories from years past. And let me know how it goes. I'd love to hear your new traditions. Tag me on Instagram, which one you're gonna try out of one to seven? I can't wait to see those posts. Thank you so much for listening to On Purpose, and I'll see you again next week. Thank you.

• 24:42Jay Shetty?

  This podcast was produced by Dust Light Productions. Our executive producer from Dust Light is Misha Youssef. Our senior producer is Juliana Bradley. Our associate producer is Jacqueline Castillo. Valentino Rivera is our engineer. Our music is from Blue Dot Sessions. And special thanks to Rachel Garcia, the Dust Light Development and Operations Coordinator.

• 25:19Speaker 01

  Now, more than ever, we need someone on our side. But Rob Whitman? Whitman's votes drove up costs, cut Medicaid, and risked 350,000 Virginians' healthcare to pay for tax breaks for himself and his donors. He's not on our side. Shannon Taylor will fight corruption, cut taxes, and bring down costs. This November, vote for Shannon Taylor. She's for us. Paid for by HMP, thehousemajoritypack.com. Not authorized by any candidate or candidate's committee.