Drive Thru Etiquette! w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley

Are You Garbage is back with Kevin Ryan and H. Foley for a family episode to answer your garbage questions from Patreon. It's a fun one! Thanks for watching AYG Comedy Podcast. Love youse guys. Come to a live show! NEW AYG MERCH: https://areyougarbage.com/ AYG 2026 Live Shows: https://areyougarbage.com/pages/live-shows Watch Route 66: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OSkJS1gCDR4 Live Shows: https://areyougarbage.com/pages/live-shows PATREON: https://www.patreon.com/AreYouGarbage MERCH: https://areyougarbage.com/ Sponsored By: Blueprint: For a limited time only, new customers get 20% off + free shipping at https://blueprint.bryanjohnson.com by using code GARBAGE at checkout. Chubbies: For a limited time, Chubbies is giving our viewers $20 off your full price purchase with our code GARBAGE at https://chubbiesshorts.com. Pestie: Protect your home from summer bugs. Go to https://pestie.com/AYG for 10% off your order. Promo Code: AYG Comedians H. Foley and Kevin Ryan are self proclaimed GARBAGE. Each week a new stand up comedian gets put to the test. Steal shampoo from hotels? Own a George Foreman Grill? Ever worn JNCO Jeans? Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Speaker names marked ? are inferred from speaking time and the show’s known hosts — they are not voice-verified.

• 0:00H. Foley?

  Hear ye, hear ye, all army of garbage. Our brand new tour, the Army of Garbage Tour will be on sale this Friday. Do yourself a favor, grab the squad, grab your tickets and come on out, join the squad.

• 0:12Speaker 01

  Yeah, we're gonna be in Appleton, Wisconsin, San Jose, San Diego, Atlanta, Springfield, Missouri, Fort Wayne, Indiana, we're gonna be in Connecticut, Phoenix, Arizona, uh, Chicago, Cincinnati, Columbus, Providence, all tickets available at noon, uh, local time on are you garbage dot com. Do it.

• 0:31Speaker 02

  Welcome to another exciting edition of Are You Garbage? The show where you find out if your favorite comedians are classy individuals or absolute trash. Now here are your hosts, Kevin Ryan and H Foley.

• 0:51H. Foley?

  Hey, everybody out there and welcome back to everybody's favorite podcast. This is Are You Garbage?

• 0:56Speaker 01

  Hey, yeah.

• 0:57H. Foley?

  It's that little show, we sit down with your favorite comedians.

• 1:02H. Foley?

  Damn.

• 1:02Speaker 01

  Nope, keep it, keep it.

• 1:04H. Foley?

  And we find out if they're going to be classy.

• 1:06Speaker 01

  Uh huh.

• 1:07H. Foley?

  Or they're just a big old piece of trash.

• 1:08Speaker 01

  Trash, trash, trash, trash, trash.

• 1:09H. Foley?

  I'm your host, H Foley, coming at you on a beautiful day. We're out back here, Tootie's in the new addition, she's looking for a goddamn Starbucks order.

• 1:19H. Foley?

  A peel behind the fourth wall. The team is in shambles right now.

• 1:23Speaker 01

  Denver's on a mountain bike currently screwing us.

• 1:27H. Foley?

  What's his name?

• 1:28Speaker 01

  Denver, Denver from the, I don't know, South Sudan or whatever. I don't know where he's from, it ain't, it ain't Yonkers, I know that.

• 1:36H. Foley?

  Mako's coming at you from across the table, sharp as a tack this morning, despite not having any breakfast. He is the CEO of Are You Garbage, international businessman of sorts, can't get a couple egg bites delivered from downtown, I'll tell you that. Give it up for KJ, Kevin James Ryan, everybody.

• 1:52Speaker 01

  Hey, what's up, gang? Shout out to you. As always, uh, thanks for tuning in, please make sure you review, subscribe on iTunes, full video available on YouTube, full video available over there on Spotify, the boys are on Spotify.

• 2:04H. Foley?

  Yes, we are. That is a factual statement.

• 2:08Speaker 01

  We are upholding our end of the contract.

• 2:10H. Foley?

  That'll hold up in court right there, I'll tell you that.

• 2:12Speaker 01

  We're on there, you might not be fucking watching.

• 2:14H. Foley?

  We're in the goddamn charts over there, top comedy, top, top all podcasts in the world.

• 2:19Speaker 01

  You can't not say it.

• 2:20H. Foley?

  That's the world, right? That's not just the United States.

• 2:23Speaker 01

  Really holding on to something.

• 2:24H. Foley?

  Is Spotify an international company?

• 2:26Speaker 01

  Uh, not rea- it is, but no, not really.

• 2:28H. Foley?

  What do they listen to over there? Lima beans dot com or something?

• 2:32Speaker 01

  Wanna take that one from the top?

• 2:36H. Foley?

  Mako's coming over.

• 2:38Speaker 01

  Uh, guys, big, big news, Kippy's going rogue.

• 2:42Speaker 03

  American trash.

• 2:43Speaker 01

  Amer- no, you idiot, it's American garbage.

• 2:45Speaker 03

  American garbage.

• 2:48H. Foley?

  I was talking to the boys over in marketing, they like trash.

• 2:51Speaker 01

  Me? What are you talking about? That's me and Luke.

• 2:54Speaker 03

  The shark.

• 2:55Speaker 01

  Uh, American garbage, our YouTube special, all, it's all AYG from our shows in Tampa. It's fan frickin' tastic, shout out to Connor and the whole crew that worked on it, Mikey, Justin, everybody, Johnny boy. Um, it's gonna be available September 13th on our YouTube channel. If you're an audio listener, if you listen over there on Spotify, subscribe to the YouTube channel. The boys need to, we need your help to blow this to frick up. You've been there for us before, we're asking to do it again, baby, let's fucking go.

• 3:23H. Foley?

  Calling the army of garbage.

• 3:24Speaker 01

  Let's tell these Hollywood pussies who's boss, you know what I mean? They said no, I said hello, they said, who are you?

• 3:31H. Foley?

  Take that, Eric Roberts.

• 3:37H. Foley?

  He's a big deal out there.

• 3:38Speaker 01

  Take that Felicity Hoffman. Bounce a quarter off that thing, no, guys, uh.

• 3:45H. Foley?

  I like her.

• 3:45Speaker 01

  It's, uh, it's some of, uh, it's, uh, we're very proud of it, we, we put a lot of money into it, we do this shit all for fucking you guys. Thank you so much for all the support you've shown us and, uh, we, we, we trust that you're gonna launch this into the stratosphere. Foley can stop working a day job, you know what I mean?

• 4:01H. Foley?

  I'm doing it for the pussy, huh? Nothing on that? Steve Irwin?

• 4:07Speaker 01

  Jesus Christ. Steve Irwin.

• 4:08H. Foley?

  Look at him, he looks like he's about to pull a lemur out of his pocket.

• 4:12Speaker 01

  Jack Handy.

• 4:16H. Foley?

  I had a question for you before we get to the cues, as you know, folk, this is a family episode. Just the boys, the bozos, the homies reading your questions from the Patreon, from Kevin James Ryan's computer.

• 4:26Speaker 01

  This question's gonna stink, by the way.

• 4:28H. Foley?

  Yeah, it is. Uh, I had one situation last week, um, uh, had a hankering for a chocolate malt. Are you familiar with these? Are you too young for, you're, you're a malt guy, right?

• 4:43Speaker 01

  Head like that?

• 4:47Speaker 01

  No, me and my, me and my, me and my best dame didn't go down to the malt shop.

• 4:51H. Foley?

  She walked out on you, huh?

• 4:52Speaker 01

  Your toothless hillbilly.

• 4:58Speaker 01

  Hey, who, here's how you look.

• 5:01H. Foley?

  Very self-conscious about my teeth. I'm getting veneers.

• 5:04Speaker 01

  I would be too.

• 5:06H. Foley?

  I'm getting veneers, so fuck you.

• 5:09Speaker 01

  No, you're not.

• 5:09H. Foley?

  Yes, I am.

• 5:10Speaker 01

  You don't have any money.

• 5:11H. Foley?

  Yeah, so, I'll work a deal.

• 5:14Speaker 01

  Take someone else's. Retro fit.

• 5:17H. Foley?

  Get a dead guy's. Why can't you do that? Like, I know they have.

• 5:21Speaker 01

  I'm sure you can.

• 5:22H. Foley?

  As an organ donor, why can't you be an organ salesman? Why can't, why can't I sell off parts of me when I die? I should be able to do that, we're giving these organs away for free, hey, just take this shit.

• 5:32Speaker 01

  Who wants whatever you, who wants anything you got?

• 5:35H. Foley?

  Well, maybe not me personally.

• 5:37Speaker 01

  But me?

• 5:37H. Foley?

  A couple of peptides, a little TRT therapy, doing some milk thistle, clean me out.

• 5:42Speaker 01

  Then you just get chocolate.

• 5:43H. Foley?

  It'd be good as new.

• 5:44Speaker 01

  Then you just get a hankering for chocolate malt?

• 5:45H. Foley?

  I never got it.

• 5:46Speaker 01

  Oh.

• 5:47H. Foley?

  Cause they stopped selling it at Steak and Shake.

• 5:49Speaker 01

  You didn't have your time machine?

• 5:51H. Foley?

  No, that's a very popular, uh, item, malts are very good. I remember Jim Restaurant used to have malt powder and I'd make, I'd make ice cream with it. I'd have ice cream and then I'd put malt powder in it and stir it around.

• 6:02Speaker 01

  What, I don't, can you give me a?

• 6:04H. Foley?

  Like a Whopper, you know what a Whopper is? The Whopper candy?

• 6:06Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 6:07H. Foley?

  Yeah, that's malt flavor.

• 6:08Speaker 01

  I got you, I'm just asking for a proper, would just, you know, good definition for the, for, you know, we got young hip listeners, they might not know your old timey.

• 6:15H. Foley?

  What's a malt, Luke?

• 6:16Speaker 01

  Uh, traditional chocolate milkshake blended with a spoonful of malted milk powder for a deeper retro diner taste.

• 6:23H. Foley?

  Yes.

• 6:24Speaker 01

  Retro diner.

• 6:25H. Foley?

  That's big now, nineties are in. I got the faded jeans. Rock's coming back in a big fucking way, this hip hop's done.

• 6:33Speaker 01

  Okay.

• 6:34H. Foley?

  Drake, Drake hit the top of the, Drake hit, hit his head in the ceiling with the Iceman and Abida, Abada, what's it called? Habibi, which is how you say I love you in something, right?

• 6:47Speaker 01

  It ain't. It ain't malt. And it has American garbage on it on YouTube.

• 6:51H. Foley?

  That's right, baby. Um, but I, we pulled in, okay, looked at the menu, realized they didn't do malts no more. Pulled out of the drive thru.

• 7:02Speaker 01

  Oh.

• 7:03H. Foley?

  Yeah, I thought you, I thought that'd catch your attention.

• 7:06Speaker 01

  How did you, okay, how, how did you feel about it? You didn't like it.

• 7:11H. Foley?

  You're in.

• 7:12Speaker 01

  You're in.

• 7:12H. Foley?

  It's such a bad look pulling out of a drive thru.

• 7:14Speaker 01

  What did you say?

• 7:16H. Foley?

  I didn't say shit.

• 7:17Speaker 01

  Well, what is it, what do you, you didn't, you pulled up to the thing and they said, hey, welcome to steak?

• 7:21H. Foley?

  And we, like, they have a chocolate malt, they're like, we don't have that anymore.

• 7:24Speaker 01

  You want chocolate malt because you don't have any teeth to chew your food, to chew our tender steak? Obviously you want a chocolate malt, sir.

• 7:30H. Foley?

  Can I get that garlic burger smoothie?

• 7:34H. Foley?

  Uh, if I'm doing that, just fucking take me out, shoot me. If I, if I, they gotta blend my stuff, I don't want that.

• 7:40Speaker 01

  That's the line?

• 7:41H. Foley?

  Yeah.

• 7:43Speaker 01

  Which I don't think.

• 7:44H. Foley?

  Taste it first, if it's pretty good, keep me around. Yeah, they did that at my grandmother's nursing home.

• 7:50Speaker 01

  Yeah, nursing homes make sense.

• 7:52H. Foley?

  It was brutal. I remember this guy sneezing up a whole bunch of scrambled eggs, I was about to whip him.

• 7:56Speaker 01

  I've done that, I mean, everybody's done that.

• 7:59H. Foley?

  Oh, God.

• 8:00Speaker 01

  You catch a hanger back there.

• 8:01H. Foley?

  Couldn't have an eggs Benedict for like two weeks. Um, yeah, we're like, okay, thank you, and pulled right out.

• 8:07Speaker 01

  So you say, I'll do a chocolate malt, did you order, you saw they weren't on the menu? Cause if you see they're not on the menu, you're not gonna go, oh, you're still gonna go, hey, can I get a chocolate?

• 8:14H. Foley?

  You guys have the chocolate malt. And they were like, yeah, we don't do that anymore.

• 8:17Speaker 01

  But they still had a chocolate milkshake.

• 8:18H. Foley?

  Yeah, but it's not a chocolate malt. I wasn't gonna waste the calories on a regular chocolate milkshake, I wanted a chocolate malt. I'm very definitive about what I, what I eat now, what I put into my body.

• 8:30Speaker 01

  I don't like that you try to spin that in like.

• 8:32H. Foley?

  A healthy way?

• 8:32Speaker 01

  Yeah, when you're talking about chocolate malts versus chocolate milkshakes at a fast food, fast food drive thru.

• 8:37H. Foley?

  I lost weight, I'm, I didn't stop being a dirtball.

• 8:40Speaker 01

  Okay, um, I, yeah, no, listen, I don't like it.

• 8:46H. Foley?

  Bad.

• 8:46Speaker 01

  It's very unbecoming of a guy of your stature.

• 8:49H. Foley?

  Sure.

• 8:50Speaker 01

  Uh.

• 8:51H. Foley?

  What, they're running out of fries, fat ass?

• 8:53Speaker 01

  Yeah, you just gotta stay in it.

• 8:55H. Foley?

  It's a bad look.

• 8:55Speaker 01

  Okay, no worries, I'll just do a diet coke, it was for my grandmother or something like that.

• 9:00H. Foley?

  And she's dead.

• 9:00Speaker 01

  She doesn't have her teeth.

• 9:03H. Foley?

  She's doubling down on the teeth, what are they, extra bad today?

• 9:05Speaker 01

  No, you brought it, okay, now you saw, they're, they're not extra good.

• 9:10H. Foley?

  I've been working on my smile in regular pictures, too.

• 9:13Speaker 01

  I've seen it.

• 9:14H. Foley?

  Yeah, what do you think? Sometimes it looks crazy.

• 9:17Speaker 01

  Sometimes you have bitter beer face.

• 9:22Speaker 01

  You suck it in too much or something, I don't know what you're doing.

• 9:25H. Foley?

  I've been trying to do it.

• 9:26Speaker 01

  You turn into a weird version of your dad and it's too try, it's too much.

• 9:30H. Foley?

  Right?

• 9:30Speaker 01

  You gotta open, you can't.

• 9:32H. Foley?

  No, I can't open.

• 9:33Speaker 01

  You can't go.

• 9:33H. Foley?

  I got no teeth, fucker. Can't open?

• 9:38Speaker 01

  You can't go tight, it's too per- no, that's too, that's bad, that's bad.

• 9:41H. Foley?

  Why is that bad?

• 9:42Speaker 01

  I'm gonna, trust me, I'm gonna tell you, I just said it looks like you have bitter beer.

• 9:46H. Foley?

  Tell me, egghead.

• 9:48H. Foley?

  You have a very oval head.

• 9:50Speaker 01

  You wear that? Aren't most heads?

• 9:52H. Foley?

  No.

• 9:52Speaker 01

  Um.

• 9:54H. Foley?

  Luke, fact check that.

• 9:55Speaker 01

  Oval?

• 9:56H. Foley?

  Yeah, your head's very oval.

• 9:58Speaker 01

  Aren't most heads oval? I mean, they're not round.

• 10:00H. Foley?

  Not like yours. Yours is very oval. Stupid looking, too. No, I'm just trying to hurt you, I'm sorry.

• 10:10Speaker 01

  See, I struck a nerve under your dead tooth.

• 10:13H. Foley?

  I got a bad one in the back, it's killing me.

• 10:15Speaker 01

  You got a couple bad ones up front.

• 10:18H. Foley?

  Those are the pawns.

• 10:20Speaker 01

  You can take them any day.

• 10:23H. Foley?

  Keep the king and the queen in the back.

• 10:28H. Foley?

  It's bad. I can get a whole Mentos stuck between my tooth, which is bad.

• 10:32Speaker 01

  Is that a party trick they're doing out there?

• 10:34H. Foley?

  Hey!

• 10:35Speaker 01

  I swear to God. Anybody wanna bet me five bucks, I can do it. I swear to God.

• 10:38H. Foley?

  Those airhead bites get stuck in my, the gap in my tooth in the back.

• 10:41Speaker 01

  Really conscious of what'll put in your body, huh? Um...

• 10:45H. Foley?

  I got in my candy.

• 10:46Speaker 01

  Uh, yeah, I listen.

• 10:48H. Foley?

  Part of recovery.

• 10:50Speaker 01

  I don't think you should, yeah, I think you should...

• 10:53H. Foley?

  Tough luck.

• 10:53Speaker 01

  Yeah, it's bad, man.

• 10:54H. Foley?

  Seeing, it's always a shitty car, too.

• 10:57Speaker 01

  Yeah, no shit.

• 10:57H. Foley?

  Not that I was in a nice car.

• 10:58Speaker 01

  We're gonna see ya in a Kia. Um... Uh, someone said Kia Fortes are the new Nissan Altima's and on the, on the, on the road and they couldn't be more wrong. That, I, and I had one.

• 11:12H. Foley?

  Couldn't be more wrong.

• 11:13Speaker 01

  Couldn't be more right, I'm sorry. I had, remember, I mean, there's the stereotype that the, you know, the Nissan Altima's are always driving like dickheads. They think they're race cars, cuz they are not. My brother had one and we thought that was...

• 11:23H. Foley?

  They ruined Nissan.

• 11:25Speaker 01

  We thought that was the fastest, coolest, they had a little bit of giddy up, I guess.

• 11:28H. Foley?

  Remember the Maxima? Those things were pop.

• 11:31Speaker 01

  I didn't like Maxima's.

• 11:32H. Foley?

  Patty drove a Maxima. Oh, she had a white...

• 11:33Speaker 01

  It was always broads had them.

• 11:35H. Foley?

  She had a white Maxima.

• 11:36Speaker 01

  She's a Russian mob. Who had a white Maxima? That's crazy.

• 11:39H. Foley?

  Yeah, with fucking catcher's mitt interiors. Nice.

• 11:42Speaker 01

  You're a dirtbag. Catcher's mitt interior.

• 11:44H. Foley?

  It was nice. Light leather. It's nice. Cavs leather, cream. Probably slipping and sliding all over that thing.

• 11:52Speaker 01

  What are you, working at a fucking used car dealership now?

• 11:56H. Foley?

  Maybe.

• 11:57Speaker 01

  Why, you trying to get in some? Guy, guy of your stature? Um...

• 12:01H. Foley?

  I've been thinking about a part-time gig.

• 12:03Speaker 01

  I think it would be smart for you.

• 12:04H. Foley?

  Yeah.

• 12:04Speaker 01

  Guy in your financial situation.

• 12:05H. Foley?

  Or maybe something, giving back, you know? Like, uh, grocery store.

• 12:09Speaker 01

  How about you give back some of the money you borrowed?

• 12:13H. Foley?

  You son of a bitch!

• 12:15Speaker 01

  Um...

• 12:16H. Foley?

  That's a bridge loan. That bridge is closed.

• 12:19Speaker 01

  I'm about to jump off of it.

• 12:23Speaker 01

  Um, I don't think, uh, yeah, I mean, I, listen, I think if you pull out of there, if you pull out, it, just, the guy behind you and front of you and next to you thinks you don't have the money. And as somebody who never had money and my card would get to cl- I'm very self-conscious of, I would spend the money I didn't have to make it look like I don't have money. That's why I've always been...

• 12:44H. Foley?

  Maybe burgers for everybody behind me.

• 12:46Speaker 01

  Yeah, something like that, you know? Uh, so yeah, it's just that, I would just say, order something. You're there. Eh, I grab, grab a Whopper, you know? What do they have? What, can you, I don't know.

• 12:55H. Foley?

  Steak and Shake?

• 12:56Speaker 01

  I've never been.

• 12:57H. Foley?

  Ooh, they're good. Never been to a Steak and Shake?

• 13:00Speaker 01

  They don't have them out here.

• 13:01H. Foley?

  No.

• 13:01Speaker 01

  I don't spend a lot of time in wherever you are.

• 13:04H. Foley?

  Mm-hmm. In the Midwest, great Midwest. Ohio State. By the way, speaking of Penn State, woo, little scandal over there.

• 13:12Speaker 01

  Yeah, you know those dudes, Luke?

• 13:13H. Foley?

  Happy Valley.

• 13:14Speaker 04

  Those are my boys.

• 13:15Speaker 01

  Those are your boys.

• 13:15Speaker 04

  Trained them up.

• 13:16H. Foley?

  Little scandal in Happy Valley, huh? A little something else in the ice cream out there, huh? A little dippity old...

• 13:22Speaker 04

  Boys like to party. What's wrong with that?

• 13:24Speaker 01

  Yeah, I don't, I don't get it.

• 13:25H. Foley?

  There was like a 50-year-old in that lineup, too.

• 13:27Speaker 01

  Yeah, one of the kid's dads.

• 13:28H. Foley?

  No way!

• 13:31H. Foley?

  Man. I could probably get my old man to have a catch at me, let alone fucking move weight.

• 13:35Speaker 01

  He used all of his catcher's mitt stuff.

• 13:37H. Foley?

  Fuck, Jesus Christ. See what happens when you don't get a Starbucks?

• 13:40Speaker 01

  I know. I need my, my venti pipe.

• 13:42H. Foley?

  Pre Madonna.

• 13:43Speaker 01

  Um...

• 13:46Speaker 01

  Yeah, well, he got him like a, I mean, this isn't the show we do, but he got him like a safe or something like that.

• 13:51H. Foley?

  That's it?

• 13:51Speaker 01

  He like hid the money or something. He helped him hide money and drugs or something like that.

• 13:54H. Foley?

  Ah, what the fuck?

• 13:55Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 13:56H. Foley?

  Bullshit.

• 13:58Speaker 01

  I had a buddy that happened to, he got robbed. He was, he was moving, you know, he was doing quite well at a young age.

• 14:03H. Foley?

  Huh.

• 14:03Speaker 01

  And he got...

• 14:04H. Foley?

  Gonna be Sleepy Valley now, huh?

• 14:07H. Foley?

  Cuz they're retired. Instead of Happy Valley, Sleepy Valley. Retired. Cuz they don't have any blow.

• 14:13Speaker 01

  Uh-huh.

• 14:13H. Foley?

  I can spell it out for you?

• 14:16Speaker 01

  What, the joke? Yeah, please.

• 14:18H. Foley?

  Not my style.

• 14:19Speaker 01

  Um...

• 14:22Speaker 01

  He went to his dad and was like, listen, I have, it was kinda like, you know, he was just like, I have a...

• 14:27H. Foley?

  Deuces now?

• 14:27Speaker 01

  A, what are you, what are you, wearing a wire? The fuck?

• 14:32H. Foley?

  I remember you telling me that.

• 14:33Speaker 01

  Yeah, he had like a bunch of money and was just like, dad, he got robbed. They tried to, it was like a dangerous, he got put in a very dangerous situation.

• 14:42H. Foley?

  Yeah.

• 14:42Speaker 01

  And I was like, I can't do this. So he went to his dad and was like, what do I do? And his dad, it's like, I'll handle it.

• 14:49H. Foley?

  Don't tell your mother.

• 14:50Speaker 01

  Don't tell your mother. Yeah.

• 14:51H. Foley?

  Take the trash out.

• 14:52Speaker 01

  Shell corporation.

• 14:53H. Foley?

  Get rid of these bodies.

• 14:56Speaker 01

  Um, but listen, all that is neither here nor there. I got a gosh darn family episode on my hand, on our hands over here. Um... As you know, when you join the old Patreon, we will answer your garbage question. And that's American garbage, gang.

• 15:08H. Foley?

  Yes, sir.

• 15:08Speaker 01

  On our YouTube. Subscribe now. Share with a friend.

• 15:13H. Foley?

  Who, who gets the credit for that name? Is that you?

• 15:16Speaker 01

  I think it was. I think, I don't know. Who was it?

• 15:21H. Foley?

  Mine was Penny Whistle.

• 15:22Speaker 01

  What's that?

• 15:23H. Foley?

  That's what I wanted to name it.

• 15:24Speaker 01

  It's what you call your pee pee? Penny Whistle?

• 15:27H. Foley?

  Yep, Benny.

• 15:28Speaker 01

  Um...

• 15:29H. Foley?

  Is that right, Luke?

• 15:30Speaker 04

  I believe it was, it was like kinda me and Kippy. I think we were throwing around.

• 15:34Speaker 01

  Whoa, whoa.

• 15:38Speaker 04

  Just saying.

• 15:39H. Foley?

  Louis V looking for the feature credit.

• 15:40Speaker 01

  Anybody here in this, see? Comfort of King, you best not miss.

• 15:45H. Foley?

  What is Luke? Are you, are you a producer on that?

• 15:48Speaker 04

  Uh, yeah. I don't know.

• 15:50H. Foley?

  What am I?

• 15:51Speaker 01

  Were you there?

• 15:53Speaker 01

  Uh, uh...

• 15:55H. Foley?

  Performed and written by?

• 15:57Speaker 01

  I, well, we didn't write it. It's all improvised.

• 16:00H. Foley?

  Sure. Performed and improvised by.

• 16:02Speaker 01

  Yeah, performed by.

• 16:03H. Foley?

  Huh. DXL getting a shout out?

• 16:07Speaker 01

  I don't know. For not covering your midsection in a couple of those angles?

• 16:11H. Foley?

  Son of a bitch. I was right there.

• 16:14Speaker 01

  Till you brought the wrong shirt. That's why you stink.

• 16:17H. Foley?

  Yeah.

• 16:18Speaker 01

  You just stink.

• 16:19H. Foley?

  Yeah, I stink.

• 16:19Speaker 01

  Um...

• 16:20H. Foley?

  Still didn't get that chocolate malt either. It was like, oh, two weeks ago.

• 16:23Speaker 01

  So where'd you go? Did you go somewhere else to get chocolate malt?

• 16:25H. Foley?

  No, I was kinda done. I had some candy from Marshall's, so...

• 16:31Speaker 01

  They're eating Marshall's candy.

• 16:32H. Foley?

  They're alright.

• 16:33Speaker 01

  No, they're not.

• 16:34H. Foley?

  Yeah, they are.

• 16:34Speaker 01

  They're there for a fucking reason, guy.

• 16:35H. Foley?

  They're gummy, they're the Albany's gummy bears, which I'm switching over to now.

• 16:39Speaker 01

  Albany's?

• 16:40H. Foley?

  Albany's.

• 16:42Speaker 01

  What's that?

• 16:42H. Foley?

  It's the, it's the competitor to Haribo.

• 16:45Speaker 01

  No, Black Forest is.

• 16:48H. Foley?

  Yikes.

• 16:48Speaker 01

  Albany's?

• 16:49H. Foley?

  Take it easy, Gretel.

• 16:50Speaker 04

  Yeah, you know, they're like the white and red.

• 16:52H. Foley?

  Yeah, you know Albany's. They're chewier, more flavorful.

• 16:55Speaker 01

  Oh, get outta here!

• 16:57H. Foley?

  I like the butterflies.

• 16:59Speaker 01

  You, who do you think you are? Who do you eating fucking this hoity-toity candy? You're buying them at discount because it's contaminated and the FDA didn't pass it for regular people.

• 17:11H. Foley?

  That's okay. I don't mind something that's been on a cargo ship for a couple of weeks.

• 17:16Speaker 01

  Hmm. I never knew the name of that. I would never buy those. Are they like gluten-free or something?

• 17:22H. Foley?

  No.

• 17:23Speaker 01

  They feel...

• 17:24H. Foley?

  What am I, a fucking commie?

• 17:26Speaker 01

  Yeah. The packaging feels too...

• 17:29H. Foley?

  I like it.

• 17:30Speaker 01

  Fancy.

• 17:30H. Foley?

  They also do that Harry and David popcorn at, at Marshall's.

• 17:34Speaker 01

  They don't do it there. They get it because it's like...

• 17:37Speaker 04

  It's got a long shelf life.

• 17:38Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 17:39H. Foley?

  Couple of cheeses.

• 17:41Speaker 04

  Those Albany's, I'm like, whoever buys those makes no sense to me.

• 17:44Speaker 01

  What are you talking about?

• 17:45Speaker 04

  They're always at like hardware stores and stuff. They, they're dusty. They're always dusty.

• 17:50Speaker 01

  You gotta film on them. You gotta hit them with the power washer, dog. I hate dusty candy. I feel so...

• 17:56H. Foley?

  On the bottom shelf?

• 17:57Speaker 01

  Oh, you feel dirty eating it already cuz you're eating can, I got candy at Staples.

• 18:01H. Foley?

  You pack this at a racetrack?

• 18:02Speaker 01

  Yeah, you feel like a fat ass and then all the dusty. It's like you fucking found it a bunker. Sucks. I hate it.

• 18:10H. Foley?

  Right next to Hitler's body.

• 18:12Speaker 01

  Yeah, I hate that shit.

• 18:13H. Foley?

  He's reaching for his Snickers.

• 18:15Speaker 01

  Mm-hmm.

• 18:16H. Foley?

  Alright.

• 18:19H. Foley?

  Kip, let's talk about Blueprint.

• 18:20Speaker 01

  Blueprint!

• 18:21H. Foley?

  As you know, getting older a little bit, things start slowing down. I wanna live long, you know what I mean? I lost all this goddamn weight. I don't wanna cash out now.

• 18:28Speaker 01

  Longevity.

• 18:29H. Foley?

  Brian Johnson started Blueprint because he needed specific doses backed by scientific evidence that weren't heavily contaminated by toxic and heavy metals. And it's pretty crazy to realize nothing on the market, check those boxes. So with Blueprint, every ingredient fights for its life.

• 18:46Speaker 01

  Yes.

• 18:47H. Foley?

  They formulated, they formulate, they formulate it, a formula, based on population level research and study level doses with no filler.

• 18:56Speaker 01

  Yes, instead of a whole cabinet full of pills, it's one scoop in water, mix it, done. That single scoop helps support. Now, listen and check in. Energy, cognitive performance, mood, focus, sleep, cellular resistance, and healthy aging with ingredients like magnesium, taurine, glisten, creatine, and more stuff I can't pronounce, but they know what they're doing. Uh, Blueprint is a third-party tested for purity and toxins like heavy metals. And I don't know if you've seen the news on heavy metals out there. It ain't fricking great.

• 19:23H. Foley?

  Mm-mm.

• 19:23Speaker 01

  Um, so right now, science-backed, precision-dosed, no BS. For a limited time only, new customers get 20% off and free shipping at blueprint.bryanjohnson.com by using code GARBAGE at checkout. That's code garbage at blueprint.bryanjohnson.com for 20% off after your purchase. They're gonna ask you where you heard about them. Please support the show and tell them the boy sent you. Do it. Chubbies, Chubbies, Chubbies, I got one right now, gang. As you know, summer might be winding down, but it's not over yet. That means there's still time to let those beautiful, thick thighs shine before you get stuck in pants and sweats this fall. And when it comes to shorts and swim trunks, nobody does it better than Chubbies. I am a client of Chubbies.

• 20:05Speaker 01

  I have been since before they were a sponsor on the show. I saw the Instagram ads, I go, "Those are, those guys are thicker, meatier dudes, and they look good in swim trunks." They're not swimming in basketball shorts or soccer shorts like some bozos. They're on the beach, they're partying, they got broads with them. It's a good time, get with Chubbies. They fit like you've had them for ages from the first wear. Your legs look their best in a set of Chubbies. Chubby swim trunks are so incredibly stylish and comfortable that it feels illegal. They got bold prints, lightweight fabric that dries quickly, and four-way stretch that lets you move freely from the beach to the bar and back again. No shower, happy hour, and a pair of Chubbies.

• 20:49Speaker 01

  Whether you're getting dressed for your workday, a workout, or summer vacation, Chubbies has you covered. For a limited time, Chubbies has given our viewers $20 off your full price of purchase with our code GARBAGE at chubbyshorts.com. That's chubbyshorts.com, code GARBAGE. Support our show and tell them the boys sent you. Don't blend in with the crowd, stand out with Chubbies. Okay, as you know, when you answer your garbage question, when you, so when you join the Patreon, we will answer your garbage question. Over 16,000 strong over there on the fucking Patreon. That is an all-time high, baby. Alright, let's see, this one is from Tiffany. "Is it garbage to dry your car off after washing it with a leaf blower?" That's goddamn genius to me. I never thought that.

• 21:29H. Foley?

  Say the first part again?

• 21:30Speaker 01

  "Is it garbage to dry your car off after you wash it with a leaf blower?"

• 21:34H. Foley?

  No, and I also love a leaf blower just in general. When you're, when you're do, if you're doing the driveway, hit the fucking car.

• 21:44Speaker 01

  Oh, just on top?

• 21:45H. Foley?

  Get it, get the little pollen off there, it zips it up a little bit.

• 21:48Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 21:49H. Foley?

  Yeah!

• 21:49Speaker 01

  That pollen can be a bitch.

• 21:52H. Foley?

  You gotta, you gotta leaf blower at the house?

• 21:53Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 21:53H. Foley?

  You do?

• 21:54Speaker 01

  Uh huh.

• 21:54H. Foley?

  Huh, that would've been a great gift for you.

• 21:58Speaker 01

  A great birthday gift for you.

• 21:59H. Foley?

  Handle?

• 22:00Speaker 01

  What, what, how?

• 22:01H. Foley?

  Or your backpack?

• 22:02Speaker 01

  You said I got a backpack?

• 22:04H. Foley?

  Why not, my brother's got a backpack. He's got a steel.

• 22:07Speaker 01

  Sick. You got a backpack?

• 22:08H. Foley?

  Yeah.

• 22:09Speaker 01

  Don't you live in a townhouse?

• 22:11H. Foley?

  No. You got a place.

• 22:13Speaker 01

  These bugs are still everywhere.

• 22:15H. Foley?

  I know.

• 22:15Speaker 01

  Just drank on.

• 22:18Speaker 01

  Yeah, no, a back, no, I just got like a, I got a standard, easy guy, like a Ryobi or something, Ryobi, something like that, something, I don't...

• 22:26H. Foley?

  I miss a leaf blower.

• 22:27Speaker 01

  I don't need it, really.

• 22:29H. Foley?

  Yeah, me neither.

• 22:30Speaker 01

  I got, I got guys that come and take care of my shit.

• 22:32H. Foley?

  I know, it's nice to have it, though.

• 22:33Speaker 01

  That's why I like having it, yeah.

• 22:35H. Foley?

  You hit the car with it.

• 22:36Speaker 01

  I never thought about a...

• 22:37H. Foley?

  Do the inside of the car, too.

• 22:39Speaker 01

  They say, they say that, instead of doing, you know what I did?

• 22:42H. Foley?

  Open the doors and blast it out.

• 22:43Speaker 01

  I did the fucking, I got the shop vac out and I did, I did the car to get all fucking Hans's hair. That, you feel real, real accomplished, there's a lot of hair.

• 22:54H. Foley?

  Has that gotten a little Kipperino-ified yet, the backseat of that car, or is he still too young?

• 22:59Speaker 01

  Oh, I've lost the, the only thing that's still relatively cool in the Tahoe is the driver's seat and the front seat.

• 23:05H. Foley?

  Does it smell like bad milk, the car? Cause I remember my cousin Paul, the kids, when the kids were little.

• 23:11Speaker 01

  Uh uh, not really.

• 23:12H. Foley?

  His Honda Odyssey smelled like bad milk. Bad milk and like old Cheerios.

• 23:16Speaker 01

  Honda Odyssey?

• 23:17H. Foley?

  Yeah, that's what he whipped around in, back in the day.

• 23:19Speaker 01

  Was he a middle-aged Asian man?

• 23:21H. Foley?

  No, it was a nice car.

• 23:22Speaker 01

  I know.

• 23:23H. Foley?

  He was Irish, just like me.

• 23:24Speaker 01

  Okay.

• 23:25H. Foley?

  Cousin, related, by blood. Actually, not blood. But we're cousins, more like brothers. Shout out to him.

• 23:34Speaker 01

  Okay, you're done, you all done with your...

• 23:37H. Foley?

  Yeah, I'm running out of family. I'm making some...

• 23:39Speaker 01

  It's actually the guy who works, that's the guy who works as a car wash.

• 23:44H. Foley?

  They're all pushing on Greta back on Krypton, you know what I mean?

• 23:49Speaker 01

  Yeah, no, it's, it's bad. It's, you lose it, you just lose it. You just, I don't have the time to stay on top of it, it's one of those things, you're like, I gotta get to that. You're always fucking, dude, dude, there's trash, and then my wife's back there. You know, and she's fucking, she's leaving trash, she's like, "The backseat's a mess." I go, "Yeah, it's, that's your, that's your domicile." Sure, I eat in the car, I get a sizzly, I got Wawa egg bites, I got my coffees, I'm doing my, I got a Ganey from every now and then.

• 24:15H. Foley?

  There's nothing better than...

• 24:16Speaker 01

  But you put it in the bag and you take it out with you.

• 24:18H. Foley?

  No, I like, I like if, okay, let's say, I pull into a Wawa, I'm loading up, I got a couple hours' drive, just crushing something and just throw it in the fucking backseat. It's such a feeling of freedom. Just fucking, gone. And then, you know, a couple weeks later, stacks up and you, you get it. I love that. You got a wife and kid back there, so you can't, you can't be throwing bottles back there.

• 24:44Speaker 01

  I do, I mean, like, uh, yeah, I don't, I've lived like that for sure, trust me. I definitely will, I have and will do that, but yeah, you just, there's something I like, I guess it's the, the, as I become more of a man, I like the, I gather it, and I like throwing it out. I always watch my dad, you know, it's like, "You get any trash back there, you got any trash, give me your trash, give me your trash." "What's that right there?" I start yelling at my wife and stuff like that.

• 25:10H. Foley?

  Yeah, that was never, that's one thing, our cars were always, that you couldn't fucking have shit back there. You could fucking scream that.

• 25:19Speaker 01

  As you were older, I think younger is, like now, it's like...

• 25:24H. Foley?

  Yeah, kids got, but no, I mean, even as a kid, we weren't allowed to like just fucking leave shit in the car.

• 25:29Speaker 01

  No.

• 25:30H. Foley?

  Leave fast, you leave, lose a fry.

• 25:32Speaker 01

  Also, I would say, we've talked about this, the littering back then, you could just fucking hawk it out the window. Not that that's right, obviously, but that was, you know, that was a different time.

• 25:41H. Foley?

  Shout out to Ronald Reagan, huh?

• 25:43Speaker 01

  Just fucking...

• 25:44H. Foley?

  Fucking opened it up.

• 25:45Speaker 01

  The sound of McDonald's bag made as it fucking launched onto 232.

• 25:52H. Foley?

  Styrofoam and shit.

• 25:54Speaker 01

  Yeah, it was crazy.

• 25:55H. Foley?

  Jesus Christ. What the fuck were we doing?

• 25:59Speaker 01

  Yeah, I don't know, it's, it's just, yeah, wild, wild times. Alright, let's see here.

• 26:06Speaker 01

  This one's from KipPizza20, never had one read. "Is it garbage to own a vacuum sealer for food? I think I might want one." We had one, my stepdad bought the Ronca or something.

• 26:20H. Foley?

  That for his fish?

• 26:22Speaker 01

  Yeah, his fish, and then he would marinates, he would like, I got, he, you didn't need to do it, you could just use a plastic bag, but that was what they sold you on. It pulls, it infuses, it pulls the air out, nothing letting, you know, nowhere for that flavor to run.

• 26:37H. Foley?

  Patty bought the ones for blankets and shit.

• 26:39Speaker 01

  Really?

• 26:40H. Foley?

  Oh yeah, you hooked the vacuum up to it. She had that thing, man. Fucking, she hooked the vacuum cleaner up to it, sucked it out, dropped everything down, she put everything in there.

• 26:50Speaker 01

  Yeah, that, I always, that, that stuff always, I was always...

• 26:53H. Foley?

  Keeps it fresh.

• 26:53Speaker 01

  Yeah, I was fascinated by, I was fascinated by consumer product, QVC stuff. Because you go, "Yeah, this, why, well, why isn't everybody doing that?" But then you had to, you had to buy it for, you know, $129 or whatever.

• 27:07H. Foley?

  You know what I seen yesterday, it might've been Tucci, or one of those guys. They had the roller with the fucking sandwich paper on the counter.

• 27:16Speaker 01

  Oh, that's clear, the butcher paper.

• 27:19H. Foley?

  Yeah. Butcher paper.

• 27:23Speaker 01

  Little bit of twine, tie that up, tie up a nice, nice sandwich.

• 27:27H. Foley?

  Yeah. And we don't do that shit.

• 27:31Speaker 01

  Cause you're throwing trash in your backseat and leaving a pile up for weeks. You guys are living, you don't, you're not living roll of butcher paper, first of all, you don't have a kitchen.

• 27:38H. Foley?

  No.

• 27:39Speaker 01

  So, let's, you know, baby steps.

• 27:41H. Foley?

  That's something I could see your parents having, little fucking butcher paper.

• 27:44Speaker 01

  You know what, you know what, the true mark of a, of a trashy household is, and I'm, I'm struggling with it right now, and it's a point of, point of pain for me.

• 27:52H. Foley?

  The favorite tile thing stuck under the cabinets.

• 27:55Speaker 01

  No, I like that.

• 27:55H. Foley?

  Huh.

• 27:56Speaker 01

  Is that not, is that trashy?

• 27:58H. Foley?

  I don't think it's classy.

• 27:59Speaker 01

  Right.

• 27:59H. Foley?

  It's all about the, the, that...

• 28:01Speaker 01

  Vertical.

• 28:02H. Foley?

  Yeah.

• 28:02Speaker 01

  I got that.

• 28:03H. Foley?

  That's what the kids are using now.

• 28:05Speaker 01

  But I feel anything fixed is nice. I think the plastic one, probably not, I'm sure there's a classy version of it.

• 28:11H. Foley?

  Yeah.

• 28:11Speaker 01

  A gold, like the, you know, something like that. But I got, dude, my drawer where we keep the sandwich bags, trash bags, aluminum foil...

• 28:22H. Foley?

  You keep the trash bags in there?

• 28:24Speaker 01

  No, I lied, the trash bags are down below.

• 28:26H. Foley?

  They're under the sink?

• 28:27Speaker 01

  No, the trash bags are next to the trash thing.

• 28:32H. Foley?

  In a cabinet?

• 28:34Speaker 01

  No, we keep them on the floor. Yeah, the cabinet, we have like the pull-out.

• 28:38H. Foley?

  Right.

• 28:38Speaker 01

  And it's got the two jons.

• 28:39H. Foley?

  Uh huh.

• 28:40Speaker 01

  And next to that, in another cabinet, that's where we keep them.

• 28:45H. Foley?

  You got Saran Wrap?

• 28:46Speaker 01

  They're too big to fit in the drawer.

• 28:47H. Foley?

  You got Saran Wrap?

• 28:48Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 28:49H. Foley?

  Wax paper?

• 28:50Speaker 01

  I'm sure.

• 28:52H. Foley?

  I don't know what they use that for.

• 28:53Speaker 01

  I think parchment paper we have.

• 28:55H. Foley?

  That the same thing?

• 28:56Speaker 01

  Uh uh, no.

• 28:57H. Foley?

  What the fuck is wax paper?

• 28:59Speaker 01

  Wax paper's for like baking, I think, but it's not parchment.

• 29:02Speaker 04

  I use the parchment paper for bacon, like underneath my, I have like the grill on top of the oven sheet.

• 29:08Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 29:09Speaker 04

  And then, yeah, I put that parchment paper underneath to catch the grease.

• 29:13H. Foley?

  Really?

• 29:14Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 29:14H. Foley?

  Damn.

• 29:15Speaker 04

  Throw it, bake the bacon, baking bacon's the best way to do it.

• 29:18Speaker 01

  I mean, we've talked about it.

• 29:19H. Foley?

  You're doing bacon?

• 29:20Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 29:20H. Foley?

  Man, you're a sharp kid for 27.

• 29:23Speaker 04

  28.

• 29:23H. Foley?

  It's pretty good.

• 29:24Speaker 01

  You got a low fucking benchmark.

• 29:25H. Foley?

  You see, a 28-year-old kid using wax paper, parchment paper, I don't even know what that is. Probably got cheesecloth over there, too.

• 29:32Speaker 01

  And he wasn't doing that when he, he's living with his girl. He wasn't doing that when he's fucking, he's microwaving, you know...

• 29:37H. Foley?

  You gonna throw that in my face, though?

• 29:39Speaker 01

  What?

• 29:40Speaker 04

  You can't use wax paper in the oven because the wax paper will melt or catch fire.

• 29:45Speaker 01

  Ah, get out of here. What is wax paper used for, then?

• 29:50Speaker 04

  It says for cold tasks like wrapping sandwiches, storing cheese, or separating hamburger patties before freezing.

• 29:56H. Foley?

  Oh, I could see that. I know one thing it's used for.

• 30:02Speaker 01

  Okay, um.

• 30:03Speaker 04

  Cookin' up.

• 30:06Speaker 01

  Sweet.

• 30:10Speaker 01

  Um. Yeah, but we, I opened the drawer and it's like, it's a fuck, it doesn't close right, you gotta, it's, it's bad.

• 30:18H. Foley?

  That's Saran Wrap lid fucks you.

• 30:20Speaker 01

  The lid fucks you, then I end up ripping it off and then the bag, it's just like, you open, I just go, oh, I'm, I don't have the skills to keep a drawer organized.

• 30:29H. Foley?

  Those things are razor sharp, too. The Saran Wrap serrated edge, that thing will fuck you up.

• 30:34Speaker 01

  You know what my fucking wife bought, I just saw today, actually? She goes, oh, Hammy, we're at the fucking doctor's office waiting, fucking little baby's going crazy, goes, oh, he's got snacks, Hammy, he's got crunchies in the thing. She's got the little fucking Ziploc bangers, the little fucking.

• 30:50H. Foley?

  Oh, the Half-Johns?

• 30:51Speaker 01

  Yeah, the little eighth bags. I go, what the fuck, why are you spending all my, blowing all my cash on these things?

• 30:55H. Foley?

  Yeah, those things are nice.

• 30:56Speaker 01

  That's crazy. That was, that was reserved for.

• 31:00H. Foley?

  Kind bud.

• 31:01Speaker 01

  For like, rich kids, like you.

• 31:03H. Foley?

  Mm-hmm.

• 31:03Speaker 01

  We, I mean, we've said this, that, we had to flip over, but it was always, to me, the thing that, that exemplified wealth with the tiny little bags, was the portion control. Of like, oh, you only get, you only need, there was not enough snacks, you couldn't fit enough snacks in that thing to soothe me. But some Luke would sit there and go, oh, I have thirty.

• 31:28H. Foley?

  Apple slices.

• 31:29Speaker 01

  Yeah, I have thirty-two goldfish. Meanwhile, you know what I mean, where I'm like, I need the bag of goldfish.

• 31:34H. Foley?

  Yeah.

• 31:35Speaker 01

  That's why I go, these things are useless to me. Put your Percocet in there or something.

• 31:39H. Foley?

  Yeah.

• 31:42H. Foley?

  I remember when they had the yellow and the green? And you could see the color go together, so you knew it was sealed?

• 31:47Speaker 01

  Yeah. Remember the commercial, they would put the, they'd fill it with bees and hold it over the guy's head?

• 31:52H. Foley?

  Get the fuck out of here, I don't remember that.

• 31:53Speaker 01

  To prove how, I think it was, and you would zip it and they go, do you trust the competitors? And they had like, a gallon bag with like, I don't know, five thousand bees.

• 32:02H. Foley?

  That seems irresponsible.

• 32:04Speaker 01

  Not if you trust the seal, baby.

• 32:06H. Foley?

  I know, but the bees. They're dying.

• 32:09Speaker 01

  Yeah, I mean, I don't think they did, they didn't like, then smash them with a hammer or something.

• 32:12H. Foley?

  I'm sure they did back then.

• 32:15H. Foley?

  They didn't have, they didn't have shit like that on set.

• 32:18Speaker 01

  Oh, yeah, you know?

• 32:22H. Foley?

  Yeah.

• 32:24H. Foley?

  An actor?

• 32:25Speaker 01

  Uh-huh.

• 32:26Speaker 04

  The ad highlighted Gladlock's color-changing seal.

• 32:29Speaker 01

  Mm-hmm.

• 32:30Speaker 04

  You should be on board.

• 32:33Speaker 01

  Me?

• 32:33H. Foley?

  Me?

• 32:33Speaker 04

  Foley.

• 32:34Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 32:34H. Foley?

  I'm on board. I was like, hurting bees.

• 32:37Speaker 01

  No one said they're hurting bees. I don't, this is an odd choice, odd stance that you're taking on hypothetical bee hurting twenty-five years ago.

• 32:44H. Foley?

  Self-sustainment? I'm sure a litter bug like you.

• 32:46Speaker 01

  And then somehow crammed in your acting, your acting role into it.

• 32:51H. Foley?

  I've worked with bees.

• 32:53Speaker 01

  I have, some, some of my best friends are bees.

• 32:57H. Foley?

  And a lot of them are out of work.

• 33:01Speaker 01

  Uh, let's see here.

• 33:05Speaker 01

  Uh, alright, this one's from Cody, yo, ten dollar homie here, did you go to school with anyone who everyone only knew by a nickname? We had a guy named Cheetos at my school.

• 33:16H. Foley?

  Jesus.

• 33:17Speaker 01

  Dude gave him that nickname, then dropped out, and no one ever got the reasoning behind it. Shout out to Cheetos.

• 33:21H. Foley?

  I had to have said this before. Uh, shout out to Bobby Waples, veteran, Iraqi Freedom, um, nicknamed Doozy.

• 33:34Speaker 01

  That's pretty good.

• 33:35H. Foley?

  Great.

• 33:35Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 33:36H. Foley?

  Doozy.

• 33:37Speaker 01

  I'm trying to think.

• 33:39H. Foley?

  I remember when, when he was over there, he sent a fucking video of him, them coming in a chopper into like, a fucking field.

• 33:45Speaker 01

  You came, didn't you?

• 33:46H. Foley?

  I was making up fucking, that I had a record label on MySpace at the time.

• 33:51Speaker 01

  You were the, you were, you were the king of faking it till you make it, and then you make it and throw it all away.

• 33:59Speaker 01

  Um.

• 34:00H. Foley?

  Yeah, Doozy.

• 34:01Speaker 01

  That's a good one, uh, I'm trying to think, we, we just did all nicknames. Flip, I mean, we had Flip. We had Vinnie with the skinny, I guess we were.

• 34:13H. Foley?

  The parents calling you by the nickname?

• 34:15Speaker 01

  I mean, Flip is Flip to like, Pat's dad.

• 34:17H. Foley?

  Really?

• 34:17Speaker 01

  Yeah, what up Flip?

• 34:18H. Foley?

  What would your mom call him?

• 34:19Speaker 01

  Chris.

• 34:20H. Foley?

  Huh.

• 34:21Speaker 01

  Yeah. But like, we were hanging out with Pat, I mean, Pat's, you know, that was like,

• 34:28Speaker 01

  we weren't spending extended time around my mom from, I was all, I don't, you know, I think anytime a mom's calling a guy.

• 34:33H. Foley?

  Most moms called me Foley.

• 34:35Speaker 01

  Yeah, that's normal.

• 34:36H. Foley?

  Yeah.

• 34:37Speaker 01

  I mean, you also go by H, that'd be, that's like, a tough.

• 34:40H. Foley?

  I didn't go by H back then.

• 34:41Speaker 01

  Okay, I don't know.

• 34:42H. Foley?

  I hadn't started my career yet.

• 34:45H. Foley?

  My acting career. I was doing music at the time.

• 34:49Speaker 01

  Sure, you've really dabbled in a lot of, you've really struggled in a lot of art forms, haven't you? What else, what's next?

• 34:57Speaker 01

  What's next?

• 34:58H. Foley?

  Poetry.

• 34:58Speaker 01

  Uh-huh. What you, you've done? Sure. Uh-huh.

• 35:02H. Foley?

  Yeah.

• 35:03Speaker 01

  Yeah, you're quite, bit of a Renaissance man.

• 35:05H. Foley?

  Sure.

• 35:06Speaker 01

  Mm-hmm.

• 35:07Speaker 04

  Call you a triple miss?

• 35:11H. Foley?

  Get the no got?

• 35:16H. Foley?

  An EGOT is when you win an Emmy, a Golden Globe, Oscar.

• 35:20Speaker 01

  What ones, what ones do you have again?

• 35:23H. Foley?

  On an Emmy-nominated show?

• 35:24Speaker 01

  Mm-hmm.

• 35:24H. Foley?

  I don't know if I get the statue.

• 35:26Speaker 01

  I don't think so.

• 35:28H. Foley?

  I make my own.

• 35:29Speaker 01

  Guys, it's just an honor to be nominated. Were you nominated? No, not me personally, but one of my friends was.

• 35:35H. Foley?

  Scarsdale Surprise!

• 35:39Speaker 01

  Uh, that's funny.

• 35:43Speaker 01

  Continue. You are, you are truly something else.

• 35:49H. Foley?

  I stink.

• 35:52Speaker 01

  I, which I do love it, is your, uh.

• 35:55H. Foley?

  What?

• 35:57Speaker 01

  Yeah, it goes back to your Johnny Drummond, is your, is your, your unwavering, every chromosome in you tries to be cool.

• 36:06H. Foley?

  I was at a laundromat this morning.

• 36:07Speaker 01

  That, that's what I'm saying, if you just owned it.

• 36:10H. Foley?

  Kind of walk like twelve blocks.

• 36:13Speaker 01

  That's, that's good for you.

• 36:14H. Foley?

  Sure.

• 36:15Speaker 01

  Not the twelve block, one.

• 36:16H. Foley?

  I'm loving it out there in Brooklyn, Cousin Ian's.

• 36:18Speaker 01

  I think that's, I think it's, I think it's really good for you.

• 36:21H. Foley?

  Yeah.

• 36:21Speaker 01

  Mm-hmm.

• 36:22H. Foley?

  Now, you turn that corner, the neighborhood gets a lot nicer.

• 36:25Speaker 01

  Why, once you get to Manhattan?

• 36:28H. Foley?

  Once you cross that bridge, it's alright. Man, oh man, he's like the king out there, too. Swear to God, we're at a coffee shop.

• 36:36Speaker 01

  Been living out there for thirty-five years.

• 36:38H. Foley?

  We're at a coffee shop, we leave, lady comes out, runs across the street and goes.

• 36:42Speaker 01

  Sir, you didn't pay your bill.

• 36:43H. Foley?

  And goes, Dale wanted you to have these, Dale wanted, wanted to give you this, fucking bag of pastries.

• 36:51Speaker 01

  How were they?

• 36:52H. Foley?

  I don't touch this stuff.

• 36:55H. Foley?

  Guy was waiting on my Starbucks.

• 36:58Speaker 01

  Mm-hmm. Um.

• 37:01H. Foley?

  Egg bites.

• 37:03H. Foley?

  Egg white bites.

• 37:05Speaker 01

  Alright, let's see, this one's from, uh, Now Fatter Than Foley, uh.

• 37:10H. Foley?

  That hurts.

• 37:10Speaker 01

  Why? That means you're losing weight.

• 37:12H. Foley?

  It's still ugly connotation.

• 37:15Speaker 01

  Okay.

• 37:16H. Foley?

  I respect the jab, don't get me wrong. Fire away.

• 37:20Speaker 01

  You're making fun of my head shape earlier?

• 37:22H. Foley?

  Oval.

• 37:23Speaker 01

  Uh.

• 37:24H. Foley?

  Egg-shaped. Odd.

• 37:26Speaker 01

  No, I feel it's bigger at the top, upside-down egg, I'll give you.

• 37:29H. Foley?

  Yeah, upside-down egg. More of like, upside-down, if your head was upside-down, it'd look like a pineapple.

• 37:36Speaker 01

  I don't know if I.

• 37:37H. Foley?

  Cause of your chin.

• 37:38Speaker 01

  But aren't pineapples, like, pretty uniform, no?

• 37:42H. Foley?

  Not the ones I get.

• 37:44Speaker 01

  Okay.

• 37:46Speaker 01

  It's all upside-down pineapples with this guy. Uh.

• 37:49H. Foley?

  It's uh-huh. Freak shit.

• 37:53Speaker 01

  You're the one that just brought up upside-down pineapple.

• 37:55H. Foley?

  Cause your head looks like it.

• 37:56Speaker 01

  Is that, is that you trying to, you're trying to swing with me, aren't you?

• 37:58H. Foley?

  Yeah.

• 37:58Speaker 01

  You creep? Um, alright, never, whatever, uh, Now Fatter Than Foley, never had one read, have you ever been the last one to chant something in a crowd?

• 38:09H. Foley?

  Ooh.

• 38:09Speaker 01

  Everybody does four chants, but you get a few stragos that do five, I always feel bad for those guys.

• 38:15H. Foley?

  Yeah. Not a good chant guy.

• 38:17Speaker 01

  I'm always conscious, I get in and I get out, I go, I'm not, I'm not gonna be the guy that's clapping later, I'm not gonna be the guy that does, you know, heck no, we won't go.

• 38:28H. Foley?

  I've.

• 38:29Speaker 01

  I am so, I don't know, that's what came to my mind.

• 38:30H. Foley?

  What, you at a nineteen-thirties baseball game?

• 38:32Speaker 01

  Yeah, drinking my chocolate malts.

• 38:34H. Foley?

  Ooh, touche. Um, I don't, uh, I've never confidently started an Eagles chant. I don't wanna be that guy on the news.

• 38:42Speaker 01

  Mm-hmm.

• 38:42H. Foley?

  The E-G-E, yeah.

• 38:46Speaker 01

  No, actually, that's what you don't wanna be.

• 38:47H. Foley?

  Yeah, the lady fucked it up.

• 38:49Speaker 01

  Eagles.

• 38:49H. Foley?

  Yeah. E-A-G-L-E-S, Eagles.

• 38:52Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 38:53H. Foley?

  Yeah, I would never confidently start that. I also don't like kicking it off with happy birthday. I come in underneath, more of a harmonizer.

• 39:01Speaker 01

  Mm-hmm.

• 39:01H. Foley?

  I mean, uh.

• 39:03Speaker 01

  Get people going, yeah, work the crowd a little bit, work the rear showman.

• 39:06H. Foley?

  Yeah. Yeah, I, I, I'm not, I'm not fucking taking a lead on a happy birthday.

• 39:12Speaker 01

  No.

• 39:12H. Foley?

  Everybody drags their feet, ah, it's like, let's go!

• 39:17Speaker 01

  I was always shocked, I'd go to like, when I worked at that, uh, that, that big law firm, we'd go in for everybody's birthday, someone's birthday once a fucking week. And you'd go in and like.

• 39:27H. Foley?

  Get the cake.

• 39:28Speaker 01

  Yeah, but people would like, meaningful, meaningfully sing it to people, and I'm just going, I don't have that in me. Like, the excitement of, happy birthday, and you're just like, oh, I'm like, that's good.

• 39:40H. Foley?

  Took a slice of cake, though, didn't it?

• 39:41Speaker 01

  Nah, never.

• 39:42H. Foley?

  Really?

• 39:42Speaker 01

  Never.

• 39:43H. Foley?

  What?

• 39:44Speaker 01

  Never.

• 39:44H. Foley?

  A store-bought cake?

• 39:46Speaker 01

  Mm-mm.

• 39:46H. Foley?

  Oh, man. Moist as the day is long.

• 39:50Speaker 01

  I just had one for my birthday.

• 39:52H. Foley?

  You did?

• 39:52Speaker 01

  Mm-hmm.

• 39:53H. Foley?

  You had a cake?

• 39:53Speaker 01

  Sheet cake.

• 39:54H. Foley?

  Wow.

• 39:55Speaker 01

  Uh, I believe it was from Acami.

• 39:57H. Foley?

  Huh.

• 39:58Speaker 01

  The Acami sheet cake.

• 40:01H. Foley?

  I don't think I've had a birthday cake in a couple of years.

• 40:05Speaker 01

  We took you out for your birthday and you ruined it.

• 40:07H. Foley?

  Yeah. But I don't think anybody's made me a cake in a while.

• 40:11Speaker 01

  I mean, no one made me a cake.

• 40:12H. Foley?

  Well, I got a cake. Hmm.

• 40:15Speaker 01

  Yeah, you know, you have to...

• 40:17H. Foley?

  I gotta rethink some of my behaviors.

• 40:18Speaker 01

  I think that's a, I think that's a pretty good thing.

• 40:21H. Foley?

  I mean, I don't think I've had a birthday cake in a minute.

• 40:23Speaker 04

  Nah. But Travis's wife usually makes us stuff.

• 40:26H. Foley?

  Cookies, those cookies.

• 40:28Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 40:28H. Foley?

  Goddamn, they're good.

• 40:29Speaker 04

  They're insane.

• 40:32Speaker 01

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• 41:16Speaker 01

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• 42:01Speaker 01

  That's Pesti, P-E-S-T-I-E dot com slash AYG for an extra 10% off. Do it. Now, back to the show.

• 42:08H. Foley?

  Kevin, let's talk about Chime.

• 42:10Speaker 01

  Chime!

• 42:11H. Foley?

  As you know, baby, life comes at you pretty quick.

• 42:13Speaker 01

  You ain't lying, big man.

• 42:14H. Foley?

  Things start adding up.

• 42:15Speaker 01

  Uh-huh.

• 42:16H. Foley?

  You know what I'm saying? I wish I could go back and tell my younger self, if you're gonna do a little banking, make sure you save your money, make sure you do it right, watch out for bank fees, all that kinda stuff. I'll tell you what I really wish. I could go back and say, hey, I wish I had Chime.

• 42:30Speaker 01

  I know. Listen, if you're, if you're out there, this is where Chime comes in. Chime is changing the way people bank. It's hard, listen, it's hard enough to keep a buck as it is. Then you've got these big corporate banks coming after you.

• 42:43H. Foley?

  Overdraft fees.

• 42:44Speaker 01

  Overdraft fee, uh, monthly statement, not it. Oh, $5 for this, $10 for that. They got their hand in your pocket. Not with Chime. Chime offers the most rewarding fee-free banking, all with no overdraft fees, no monthly fees, no minimum balances. You get 5% cash back on the Chime card in a category of your choice, like gas or groceries, all while building credit through regular, everyday spending. And if you're ever in a pinch, SpotMe lets you overdraft up to $200 fee-free. Look at that. I know, I need that, dog. Uh, right now, you can join the millions that are already banking fee-free with America's number one choice for banking. Head to chime.com/garbage. That's chime.com/garbage. Sign up now. It only takes a few minutes.

• 43:25H. Foley?

  Do it.

• 43:26Speaker 05

  Chime is a fintech, not a bank. Banking services and Chime Card provided by Chime's bank partners. Qualifying direct deposits required. Terms and limits apply. Go to chime.com/disclosures for details.

• 43:38Speaker 01

  Um, alright, was that...

• 43:40H. Foley?

  But I digress.

• 43:41Speaker 01

  Yes. Uh, you should try to get a loving friends and family.

• 43:45H. Foley?

  What kinda cake did you have?

• 43:46Speaker 01

  Uh, it was just like standard, you know, vanilla cake with, uh, vanilla icing, maybe?

• 43:53Speaker 04

  Did they get it customized?

• 43:54Speaker 01

  It said, "Happy Birthday, Kevin." They threw the 4-0 in.

• 43:57H. Foley?

  Nice.

• 43:58Speaker 01

  You can see the pictures on my Instagram.

• 43:59H. Foley?

  Is that right?

• 44:00Speaker 01

  Mm-hmm.

• 44:01H. Foley?

  Wow. They sung "Happy Birthday" to you?

• 44:03Speaker 01

  They sung "Happy Birthday," yeah. Had a little Kipperino on my lap.

• 44:07H. Foley?

  Aw.

• 44:07Speaker 01

  Blew out the candles, ice cold screaming beers.

• 44:10H. Foley?

  Huh.

• 44:11Speaker 01

  Yeah, good time.

• 44:12H. Foley?

  Loving family.

• 44:13Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 44:14H. Foley?

  You earned it, baby.

• 44:15Speaker 01

  Thanks.

• 44:16H. Foley?

  I'm being serious. I love you.

• 44:17Speaker 01

  Oh, thanks.

• 44:20Speaker 01

  I'm not saying you're being serious, but the fact that you have to say you're being serious makes me think...

• 44:26Speaker 01

  Your intentions might not be genuine. No, I'm fucking serious, man. What? Don't stop looking at me.

• 44:34H. Foley?

  His motives are questionable. Nah, I'm being serious.

• 44:38Speaker 01

  Okay.

• 44:38H. Foley?

  Was that at your house?

• 44:39Speaker 01

  Uh, was that, yeah, down the shore.

• 44:41H. Foley?

  Oh, okay. Not, that's cool.

• 44:43Speaker 01

  Yeah, why?

• 44:44H. Foley?

  I just pictured you being at your home.

• 44:46Speaker 01

  Mm-hmm. I have one of those, yeah.

• 44:48H. Foley?

  I know, which would be...

• 44:50Speaker 01

  I don't sleep in any of the basement.

• 44:53H. Foley?

  I wish it would. It's kinda lonely down there.

• 44:56Speaker 01

  Bring over your whole family. More the merrier. Um, yeah, no, I, uh, yes, it was, it was, it was very nice. It was the first time I, I really had that in a, it was the first time I had a, a happy birth, uh, probably, honestly, eight years.

• 45:12H. Foley?

  Hmm. Been the black sheep of the family for a while.

• 45:15Speaker 01

  Yeah, I was, yeah. Now I'm fucking... You got him on your hip. You go, "Everybody, shut the fuck up." I took, I kicked my sister out of her room. I took that room.

• 45:25H. Foley?

  Really?

• 45:25Speaker 01

  I said, "You gotta go." Low Kipperino, you gotta, this is the only room that fits a crib. You gotta hit the bricks, lady.

• 45:32H. Foley?

  Nice.

• 45:33Speaker 01

  Yeah. And then I just, "I'll, I'll break it down." I never, I go, "That's just living, that thing's in, that's in there." "I gotta break it down and put a bag up and break it down and carry it down."

• 45:42H. Foley?

  A crib?

• 45:42Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 45:43H. Foley?

  That seems like a lot of work. Is it like a real crib, like wood or whatever?

• 45:46Speaker 01

  Yeah, I had to do it last night, too.

• 45:47H. Foley?

  Why?

• 45:48Speaker 01

  It was in our room, 'cause Nadine's family was here, so we moved the crib into our room, and then I don't like doing that. So they're gone, so I had to break it down and move it over. Nah, I gotta be honest with you. You're gonna go, "I'm happy for you."

• 46:02H. Foley?

  You like it. When it's your baby's crib?

• 46:05Speaker 01

  One, yeah, I mean, you're stressed. No, but I was doing it, and he came, I was like sitting down, and he came over and sat on my lap, and we were like doing the Allen wrench together, and like, I literally like, I started welling up. I looked at Nadine, I'm like, "This is the sickest fucking thing ever."

• 46:17H. Foley?

  Aw.

• 46:19Speaker 01

  And we're back.

• 46:21H. Foley?

  Very happy for you. I am happy for you.

• 46:24Speaker 01

  Put these cameras in the back. Uh, yes. Uh, alright, let's see here. Let's see here. Um...

• 46:34Speaker 01

  This one's from B-O-P-O-T 9000, B-O-P-O-T 9000, or B-O-P-O-T? I don't know. Uh, "Never had one read. $10, 10-spot balloon knot over here." Uh, "Ever tell an old injury story where you always hit 'em with, you could see the bone."

• 46:50H. Foley?

  Ooh.

• 46:51Speaker 01

  That's big.

• 46:52H. Foley?

  To the bone.

• 46:53Speaker 01

  That's big. I noticed that, too, that, of just like telling stories over. I've been hanging out with my family a lot this summer.

• 47:00H. Foley?

  The bone was sticking out.

• 47:01Speaker 01

  And like, when you hear a story that's been told, like a bunch who's telling it to new people or whatever, you just, you go, oh, it's a, they're like, you're doing bits.

• 47:08H. Foley?

  Yeah.

• 47:09Speaker 01

  And you go, "That's your line. You hit 'em with, they couldn't, the whole bone was sticking."

• 47:13H. Foley?

  Bone was sticking. Right, went right to the bone.

• 47:15Speaker 01

  Uh-huh.

• 47:16H. Foley?

  See the ligaments, right to the bone.

• 47:18Speaker 01

  Uh-huh. A mile high if he was a foot, I tell you, all that kinda shit.

• 47:21H. Foley?

  There's a few things that I distinctly remember from high school. One of them is, is what a compound fracture is.

• 47:27Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 47:27H. Foley?

  The bone sticking out.

• 47:28Speaker 01

  Mm-hmm.

• 47:29H. Foley?

  Yeah, that and cumulonimbus clouds. I don't know why. The different kinds of clouds. Cumulonimbus, cirrus, stratus.

• 47:34Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 47:35H. Foley?

  Yeah.

• 47:36Speaker 01

  Um... Also very trash, we were talking about my mom, uh, like stubbed her toe or whatever, so she goes...

• 47:44H. Foley?

  This is great.

• 47:45Speaker 01

  She broke her toe, and then I guess somebody was like, "Did you go to the, did she go to the hospital?" I go,

• 47:49H. Foley?

  Nah.

• 47:50Speaker 01

  Nah, you can't do nothing for a broken toe. She asked, she hit me, like, "Can't do nothing with a broken toe."

• 47:55H. Foley?

  That can't be right.

• 47:56Speaker 01

  I don't know. Find out what the, I think, I mean...

• 47:58H. Foley?

  Why is that such a dirtbag?

• 47:59Speaker 01

  She goes, "I broke my toe, this is the third time I broke my toe."

• 48:02H. Foley?

  Yeah, what's the point of going to the hospital? Can't do nothing.

• 48:03Speaker 01

  I was just gonna wrap it. I didn't sit there for three hours, did he wrap it? I know what they're gonna tell me.

• 48:08H. Foley?

  Down here?

• 48:09Speaker 01

  Down.

• 48:09H. Foley?

  At Langton?

• 48:10Speaker 01

  Go to Shore Memorial.

• 48:11H. Foley?

  Ooh, I've been there.

• 48:13Speaker 01

  Mm-hmm.

• 48:13H. Foley?

  Fuck.

• 48:14Speaker 04

  She's right.

• 48:15Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 48:16Speaker 04

  Rest, ice, elevate, and then if it's a smaller toe, you can buddy tape, which is just taping it to the other toe.

• 48:22Speaker 01

  Yeah, which we did. She did.

• 48:25H. Foley?

  You can't do anything for a broken toe. This is how far we've gotten with medical technology?

• 48:31Speaker 01

  What are you gonna do?

• 48:32H. Foley?

  I don't know.

• 48:32Speaker 01

  I don't think...

• 48:33H. Foley?

  Cast it up.

• 48:34Speaker 01

  It could be one of those things that...

• 48:34H. Foley?

  Put a screw in.

• 48:36Speaker 01

  But I don't think...

• 48:37H. Foley?

  Pin it up.

• 48:37Speaker 01

  The bone, like, I think it just lives in there on its own. It's like the nose, is that like where it's just like...

• 48:43H. Foley?

  Broken nose you fix.

• 48:45Speaker 01

  You reset, though, if it's displaced. Otherwise, it's just, the bone heals on its own.

• 48:49H. Foley?

  Ugh. You ever break your nose?

• 48:53Speaker 01

  Yeah, kind of.

• 48:55H. Foley?

  My brother did. It was horrible.

• 48:57Speaker 01

  I got suckered.

• 48:58H. Foley?

  You did?

• 48:59Speaker 01

  Yeah. I was running my, I beat a kid up and I was running my mouth, and I turned my back, and he fucking, he ran up.

• 49:05H. Foley?

  That's fucked up.

• 49:06Speaker 01

  He fucking suckered me. Yeah.

• 49:09H. Foley?

  What a dick.

• 49:10Speaker 01

  Uh-huh.

• 49:10H. Foley?

  You beat him up again?

• 49:11Speaker 01

  I don't think so. I think that friend...

• 49:13H. Foley?

  The nose is all bloody.

• 49:14Speaker 01

  Yeah, fuck, he fucking snuck me, dog. I was crying in the corner. What are you talking about? Nah, I think we got broken up then, 'cause we were at my buddy's house. And that's like, I went home, it was Thanksgiving night, or the night of before...

• 49:25H. Foley?

  Nice.

• 49:25Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 49:26H. Foley?

  Little victory going into Thanksgiving dinner?

• 49:28Speaker 01

  Yeah, but then I wake up and my fucking eye, it wasn't like cracked. I think it was like pushed in. It like got reas, I don't think, I forget what it was. They had the kinda, it's still tilted when you really look at it, but that's when I told my dad, my dad's like,

• 49:46Speaker 01

  he was a bit of a fighter, and, uh, he was like, uh, I told him the story. He goes, "What happened? You getting in a fight?" And he was like, "You didn't have, we didn't have to hide that we ever gotten fights." And she was like, my brother-in-law, I remember being like, "I never, you guys like tell fight stories in front of your mom." Or just like, yeah, I don't know, it's just, it's just the people we come from, or a violent, a violent clan of drunks from northeast Philadelphia. Um...

• 50:13Speaker 01

  But he's like, you let, you beat up, you hit, you let it got him. I got reprimanded, not for fighting, but for getting, putting myself in a position to get sucker.

• 50:22H. Foley?

  Hmm.

• 50:22Speaker 01

  And I was like, okay.

• 50:24H. Foley?

  You're supposed to knock him unconscious?

• 50:26Speaker 01

  curb stop.

• 50:26H. Foley?

  You're in hog time?

• 50:29Speaker 01

  You didn't finish the job? What the fuck?

• 50:32H. Foley?

  Shows you the throat move from fucking Roadhouse?

• 50:35Speaker 01

  Um, uh, but yeah, I love a, I love a, I love a family store, anything, any story that's told a bunch with those lines in it is great.

• 50:45H. Foley?

  Yeah.

• 50:46Speaker 01

  You know what I mean?

• 50:46H. Foley?

  See, right to the bone.

• 50:47Speaker 01

  That like top, oh, you should have seen this and it was top of the line. That, I remember my cousin, we were drunk at a house party and he was telling me, and he kept saying, making money hand over fist.

• 51:00H. Foley?

  Making money hand over fist.

• 51:01Speaker 01

  Hey, dude, you remember this, that, the other, these guys are making money hand, it was the eighties.

• 51:04H. Foley?

  We might have that job, huh?

• 51:06Speaker 01

  Making money hand over fist.

• 51:07H. Foley?

  Making money hand over fist. You know what else was one of the most deadliest things? Which I think it is, but in my house.

• 51:14Speaker 01

  Brown recluse?

• 51:16H. Foley?

  Forget that wolf spider. Oh, thank you. I always thought a black widow was gonna get me. That's how I thought I was gonna die for most of my young life. That a black widow spider would get me. Those things, they're right in me. Fuck that Charlotte's Web shit. I didn't trust that motherfucker as far as I can throw her. Uh-uh. Um, black ice. I told black ice?

• 51:40Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 51:40H. Foley?

  All seventy, told black ice?

• 51:42Speaker 01

  Yeah, she more dangerous, yeah, it's crazy. Uh.

• 51:46H. Foley?

  I think I've ever seen black ice.

• 51:47Speaker 01

  Oh, yeah. No, you've seen it.

• 51:49H. Foley?

  Have I?

• 51:50Speaker 01

  For sure. For sure. I don't know what to tell you. I mean, you're fifty years old, you lived in Philadelphia and fucking New York City. You've stepped on black ice.

• 52:01H. Foley?

  Have I?

• 52:02Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 52:02H. Foley?

  Huh.

• 52:04Speaker 01

  Shit.

• 52:05H. Foley?

  Hanging from the rearview though, I'll tell you that.

• 52:07Speaker 01

  Uh.

• 52:07H. Foley?

  I get a car smell good.

• 52:09Speaker 01

  Yeah, no, that's a, yeah, that and hydroplane and with wet leaves. Wet leaves are more dangerous than black ice.

• 52:16H. Foley?

  Gotta pump the brakes. Pump the brakes.

• 52:19Speaker 01

  That.

• 52:19H. Foley?

  Turn into this man.

• 52:20Speaker 01

  And it's never you hit a telephone pole. It's always you wrapped this car on a telephone pole. You know, no one, no one, no one my family knows has ever hit a telephone pole. It's they wrapped it around.

• 52:29H. Foley?

  Wrapped his goddamn car around a telephone pole. It's lucky he's alive.

• 52:33Speaker 01

  Yeah. That's all, it's always that. Wrapped it around a frickin' telephone pole.

• 52:37H. Foley?

  Jeez.

• 52:38Speaker 01

  Uh-huh.

• 52:38H. Foley?

  Fucking sure it's gonna be through the roof.

• 52:40Speaker 01

  Ah, dude, someone got pulled over, uh, right in, we were all out on the deck of the shore, down the shore, having a couple of ice cold beers.

• 52:47H. Foley?

  Mm-hmm.

• 52:47Speaker 01

  Someone got pulled over right in front of the house. Sweet. You should have stood, like malls do a flame. Everyone comes, what's going on? Then neighbors then pop out, what's happening? Cause I was out, I was, I was the first guy on the scene.

• 53:01H. Foley?

  Get him?

• 53:02Speaker 01

  I go, I think he blew the stops. I said, Jack, you're running this bike. Yeah, yeah, yeah, very, yeah. Whoop, lit him up, rode him up.

• 53:08H. Foley?

  No, rode him up?

• 53:09Speaker 01

  Rode him up.

• 53:09H. Foley?

  Didn't take him in?

• 53:10Speaker 01

  Didn't take, I'm gonna take him in.

• 53:11H. Foley?

  Field sobriety?

• 53:12Speaker 01

  Nah, it was like during the day.

• 53:14H. Foley?

  You ever do a field sobriety test?

• 53:16Speaker 01

  Mm-mm.

• 53:16H. Foley?

  I don't think I ever have either.

• 53:18Speaker 01

  No. I've never really been, I've never been pulled over a lot.

• 53:22H. Foley?

  Hmm.

• 53:23Speaker 01

  Get this, I'm coming up the fucking Jersey Turnpike. You know, it's four, it's twelve lanes, so it's four three lane highways, two up, two down, two north, two south. This guy, I'm in the middle lane, I'm in.

• 53:38H. Foley?

  Quality turnpike, I must say.

• 53:39Speaker 01

  Great turnpike. They can move fucking cars. Uh, good rest stops.

• 53:44H. Foley?

  Great.

• 53:45Speaker 01

  Uh, they got, you know what's a fucking game changer?

• 53:48H. Foley?

  Those Jersey state troopers look pretty sharp too, I'll tell you that.

• 53:51Speaker 01

  Well, this is about that, but the fucking gas stations there, the hose can go over the car. Cause they gotta fill it up.

• 53:57H. Foley?

  Yeah, they have the, the extender.

• 53:59Speaker 01

  The extender, it's just like, why, why isn't everywhere that? You gotta sit in line and wait for a guy, you got a U-turn and come.

• 54:04H. Foley?

  Move traffic over there. Big business.

• 54:06Speaker 01

  I know, but anywhere. Any high volume, a Wawa should have it.

• 54:10H. Foley?

  Yeah.

• 54:11Speaker 01

  Should just be fucking burning and turning in here, guys. Twenty, twenty twenty-six.

• 54:14H. Foley?

  Nothing, you feel like a real dickhead when you fucking catch the wrong side of that.

• 54:17Speaker 01

  I, dude, I always check. Luckily, all of my cars have always been driver's side.

• 54:22H. Foley?

  I think that's American cars.

• 54:24Speaker 01

  I had the Kia Forte, which I believe was still, I think everything I had was driver's. I think everything I had was driver's side.

• 54:30H. Foley?

  Huh.

• 54:31Speaker 01

  Um, but this fucking cop was on the outside, right? Like I'm in, if you're looking at saying one, two, three, four, I'm in three. So there's four, then the proper shoulder, the end, you know, he's over there.

• 54:48H. Foley?

  What's he doing?

• 54:48Speaker 01

  He's clocking people.

• 54:50H. Foley?

  Ah.

• 54:50Speaker 01

  But in my artery, you know what I mean? Dude, and I'm cooking. I was doing eighty-four.

• 54:58H. Foley?

  Like if you would have kept going, you would have hit him?

• 55:00Speaker 01

  What do you mean?

• 55:00H. Foley?

  Oh, he's in the shoulder.

• 55:02Speaker 01

  No, so like, there's, I'm going like north and next to me, the next, I'm in the one segment of three lanes, right? I'm in the cars.

• 55:11H. Foley?

  Yeah.

• 55:13Speaker 01

  Then it goes truck, three lanes of truck.

• 55:15H. Foley?

  Right.

• 55:16Speaker 01

  And then he's on the right side of that.

• 55:18H. Foley?

  Hitting the cars?

• 55:19Speaker 01

  Hitting cars in my fucking lane.

• 55:21H. Foley?

  Who comes and gets you?

• 55:22Speaker 01

  He does, he did. Cause he fucking, dude, I'm doing, I was doing eighty-five. And I'm like, no fucking way. If I'm moving with traffic, I'm not like zipping around, I'm, we're cooking. It's not rush hour, I'm fucking.

• 55:37Speaker 01

  This fucking, I see him, he's got the gun out the window and I got, I was like, there's a pack of us. Where I'm like, we're dead, I'm like, but there's, we're dead to rights, but I go, there's no fucking way.

• 55:51H. Foley?

  Get us all.

• 55:52Speaker 01

  He pulls out. I go, this motherfucker, no way. I go, no way.

• 55:57H. Foley?

  You get pulled over?

• 55:58Speaker 01

  No, he fucking, then he crosses over. Like he uses.

• 56:04H. Foley?

  What the fuck?

• 56:05Speaker 01

  Hey, he comes into the next three lane segment and dude, he's now far fucking back. He's like a, I think, I'm not even sure it's him.

• 56:13H. Foley?

  They get to gun it.

• 56:15Speaker 01

  But I'm not even sure it's him. I just say, I'm like, I think that cause it's unmarked. Also, what's trashier, unmarked or undercover?

• 56:22H. Foley?

  Unmarked. Now undercover is trashier.

• 56:25Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 56:26H. Foley?

  They're not undercover. It's an unmarked car. It's not fucking Johnny Depp and fucking.

• 56:31Speaker 01

  But unmarked to me feels more like you're like trying to be on the force. That's what a police, I saw, I was in an unmarked car.

• 56:38H. Foley?

  Oh, but.

• 56:39Speaker 01

  Undercover's more like.

• 56:40H. Foley?

  Like saying like a patrol car or a P O.

• 56:42Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 56:43H. Foley?

  A black and white.

• 56:43Speaker 04

  What you do for the military.

• 56:45Speaker 01

  And apparently with police as well.

• 56:48H. Foley?

  I always thought undercover was trashier. It's an undercover cop. It's not an undercover cop. It's a cop in an unmarked cop car. He's not wearing fucking, he's not dressed like a fucking Hasidic Jew.

• 56:59Speaker 04

  This is why it's garbage.

• 57:00H. Foley?

  That's an undercover cop.

• 57:02Speaker 01

  Freeze.

• 57:03H. Foley?

  I don't have to say that.

• 57:03Speaker 01

  I don't know. But you did. Um.

• 57:07Speaker 04

  But thinking why you have the know-how or the understanding of why it's.

• 57:11Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 57:12Speaker 04

  The definition of the unmarked car.

• 57:13Speaker 01

  If you say undercover car, but you're like, unmarked. Everybody's introduction is on, is undercover.

• 57:19H. Foley?

  Yeah, undercover.

• 57:20Speaker 01

  It's undercover cop car.

• 57:21H. Foley?

  Pulled over an undercover cop car. Those guys are doing investigations, busting people. Unmarked car.

• 57:27Speaker 01

  But you, yeah, you, yeah, sorry you lit, ah, yeah.

• 57:32H. Foley?

  You can always tell by the license plate, what it starts with. I can't tell you what, but.

• 57:39Speaker 01

  Um.

• 57:42H. Foley?

  That's sneaky in the NYPD, they're driving on a Mitsubishi's and shit like that.

• 57:45Speaker 01

  That's crazy, cause back when I was banging, it had to be American made cars. This is fucking, you're a goddamn, now they're showing up.

• 57:53H. Foley?

  Smart.

• 57:54Speaker 01

  What?

• 57:54H. Foley?

  To use fucking whatever.

• 57:55Speaker 01

  I know. No, no, yeah, I don't like it.

• 57:59H. Foley?

  The Mitsubishi Eclipse coming after you.

• 58:02Speaker 01

  A fucking spider. Fucking Rubens racing, dog.

• 58:06H. Foley?

  Fucking cop pulled me over in a tracker.

• 58:10Speaker 01

  Gotta wait for backup to take me home. Um, but this guy fucking then gets into my three lane. He's in a different three, he's on the, he comes in, I just see a, a black Explorer. Also, if you're driving a black Explorer and you're not a cop car, you're a dickhead. Cause everybody thinks you're a cop. You read like a cop car. You do. If you're in the back and you're zooming up the left lane.

• 58:36H. Foley?

  I wouldn't hate.

• 58:37Speaker 01

  You wouldn't.

• 58:39H. Foley?

  Put that spotlight on the, on the.

• 58:41Speaker 01

  Yeah, that's the thing I look for. I look, you look for the lights. The grill's always a little different, but if they're far, they're far behind, yeah.

• 58:48H. Foley?

  See the lights in the grill.

• 58:49Speaker 01

  Mm-hmm.

• 58:49H. Foley?

  You're done. Anybody that used to have that.

• 58:52Speaker 01

  Winch on there.

• 58:53H. Foley?

  Oh, fuck that.

• 58:56Speaker 01

  You better start eating your shit, dude.

• 59:00H. Foley?

  Yeah, anybody that used to have that, that spotlight on the left of their car, that guy was a fucking ball shooter.

• 59:09Speaker 01

  Not even a real.

• 59:11H. Foley?

  Hey, it is.

• 59:16H. Foley?

  Those mall aliens out of Miami, you ever see that? Ooh, weird.

• 59:20Speaker 01

  Um, but yeah, he pulled over the car next to me.

• 59:24H. Foley?

  Damn.

• 59:24Speaker 01

  Dude, I mean, it must have been about four minutes later. And I'm sitting there, I'm like, this motherfucker's gonna-

• 59:29H. Foley?

  They love that.

• 59:30Speaker 01

  And I was ready to go, sorry, you got, you must have clocked, because he's going over like fucking six lanes of traffic, I was gonna go, you had the wrong guy, I'm in the middle lane here, doing eighty-five.

• 59:39H. Foley?

  You got the aviators on, I'm also on a job, Tahoe.

• 59:42Speaker 01

  I got the, giving them like the code word for the day or whatever.

• 59:45H. Foley?

  Why do they have that?

• 59:46Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 59:46H. Foley?

  No, they don't.

• 59:47Speaker 01

  And you think, and you say unmarked.

• 59:49H. Foley?

  What, of all police?

• 59:50Speaker 01

  I, fine, I know that there's a thing where you go like fucking flash, thunder type thing. What's the, if you say I'm, if, I think if you say I'm an undercover cop, you have, I think they go get, like, maybe they radio, unless that's a myth.

• 1:00:05H. Foley?

  I guess.

• 1:00:06Speaker 01

  Maybe I shouldn't have said that publicly, that's, that was my, my level of clearance.

• 1:00:12H. Foley?

  Would you rather be undercover cop or CIA?

• 1:00:15Speaker 01

  CIA, CIA never did it for me.

• 1:00:16H. Foley?

  Huh.

• 1:00:17Speaker 01

  Cop, that was more tangible, like-

• 1:00:19H. Foley?

  Undercover cop.

• 1:00:20Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:00:21H. Foley?

  Deep cover.

• 1:00:22Speaker 01

  No, I want the badge, I want you to fear me. I don't, I don't wanna fuck, I don't wanna be, you know.

• 1:00:28H. Foley?

  What do you got?

• 1:00:29Speaker 04

  Oh, no, uh, I, I-

• 1:00:31Speaker 01

  What?

• 1:00:31Speaker 04

  But I have seen like, I don't know, it's like in Lioness and stuff, like in Landman, where they have like certain code words for that day of like the op.

• 1:00:38Speaker 01

  You don't have anything?

• 1:00:40Speaker 04

  I mean, they, they use like ten-four and stuff.

• 1:00:42H. Foley?

  Lioness?

• 1:00:42Speaker 04

  They work with the FBI.

• 1:00:45H. Foley?

  That fucking Tyler Sheridan.

• 1:00:47Speaker 04

  He's crushing it.

• 1:00:48H. Foley?

  What the fuck, man?

• 1:00:49Speaker 04

  It's, it's-

• 1:00:50H. Foley?

  There's gotta be six of those dudes. He's got like fifteen TV shows, seven movies?

• 1:00:56Speaker 04

  It's dumb as shit, but it's awesome, man.

• 1:00:59H. Foley?

  Code word.

• 1:01:02H. Foley?

  Blueberry.

• 1:01:03Speaker 01

  It's called Starbucks, dickhead. It's called deep top.

• 1:01:08H. Foley?

  Code words, egg bites. I bet you if you hit a cop with that, he'd probably be like, alright.

• 1:01:13Speaker 01

  Yeah, he doesn't wanna seem like he doesn't know, alright, man, yeah.

• 1:01:17H. Foley?

  Chocolate malt. Keep it moving. Alright.

• 1:01:22Speaker 01

  You've really been fucking pulling a plug on, when you're done with the riff, you really decide to move on. Alright, enough of that, move on, I like my dad, you grump. Look over, you're gonna be resting your eyes. Uh, alright, let's see, this one's from Kippy's Left Nut, long time, first time, ten dollar, hey me, is it garbage to take a bite directly from a block of cheese? Ah, yeah, for sure.

• 1:01:49H. Foley?

  What are we talking about?

• 1:01:50Speaker 01

  You know what I'm talking about.

• 1:01:51H. Foley?

  Brie, we talking about brie?

• 1:01:53Speaker 01

  No, I think, I mean, brie's not really a block, brie's a softer-

• 1:01:57H. Foley?

  But you gotta get the little pizza slice. Alright, now I like a slice.

• 1:02:02Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:02:02H. Foley?

  I'm not taking a bite of a block of cheese.

• 1:02:04Speaker 01

  I don't like the thickness of a chunk of cheese.

• 1:02:06H. Foley?

  No, I like a slice.

• 1:02:07Speaker 04

  That's only for like YouTube mukbangers.

• 1:02:09Speaker 01

  Yeah, that's not my cup of tea, also-

• 1:02:11H. Foley?

  I get, I get a stripper, sorry, I get a fucking thing of Cracker Barrel, you know what I mean, the fucking rectangle? I'm slicing that, but I will go through half of that, with some Triscuits and a coke.

• 1:02:22Speaker 01

  Oh, head.

• 1:02:22H. Foley?

  Standing at the fucking counter, watching TV.

• 1:02:24Speaker 01

  Do the whole thing, not even half.

• 1:02:25H. Foley?

  Yeah.

• 1:02:26Speaker 01

  The whole thing.

• 1:02:27H. Foley?

  Just crush it.

• 1:02:28Speaker 01

  If I'm feeling fancy, I get that, uh, Cabot.

• 1:02:31H. Foley?

  Mmm.

• 1:02:31Speaker 01

  Vermont Sharp Cabot.

• 1:02:33H. Foley?

  Curiously strong?

• 1:02:35Speaker 01

  Yes, and then I'll, uh-

• 1:02:37H. Foley?

  Bitter beer face.

• 1:02:38Speaker 01

  And then I'll do, uh, I'll get some sort of sliced pepperoni.

• 1:02:44H. Foley?

  Oh, yeah.

• 1:02:44Speaker 01

  Or maybe if I'm feeling fancy, I'll slice, I'll get like the law, like a good, not good, but like better log, like salami or something, slice that myself.

• 1:02:54H. Foley?

  Oh, I like that.

• 1:02:55Speaker 01

  And then I'll do, uh, yeah, I'll do a diet, I'll have a couple diet cokes lined up, ready to go and do-

• 1:03:01H. Foley?

  Just crush it.

• 1:03:02Speaker 01

  You just sit, dude, there was nothing better, I'd get a, I'd get a plate, I'd sit down, I'd have the box, and I'd sit and watch TV. And I would just fucking, I'd, three thousand calories of fucking meat, cheese, and crackers.

• 1:03:14H. Foley?

  I used to have a home.

• 1:03:15Speaker 01

  Okay, alright, gang, that's all she wrote.

• 1:03:19H. Foley?

  That's American Garbage, coming out on YouTube. Okay.

• 1:03:23Speaker 01

  Well, you, you, you say it with no confidence.

• 1:03:26H. Foley?

  I said it with full confidence.

• 1:03:27Speaker 01

  And then looked at me like you missed-

• 1:03:29H. Foley?

  Well, I thought you were gonna pick it up, pick it up, it's team sport.

• 1:03:33Speaker 01

  Guys, uh-

• 1:03:34H. Foley?

  On the date.

• 1:03:34Speaker 01

  Like we said, uh, November, or sorry, Jesus Christ, September thirteenth.

• 1:03:39H. Foley?

  September thirteenth on YouTube, American Garbage, our brand new Are You Garbage special, that we filmed in Tampa, Florida, at our good club, SideSplitters.

• 1:03:47Speaker 01

  At our good club. Later.