E544 Matt McCusker

Matt McCusker is a stand-up comedian, podcaster and writer. He co-hosts “Matt and Shane’s Secret Podcast” and you can check out his full length special “Speed of Light” on YouTube. Theo heads to Austin and Matt McCusker returns to talk about their reactions to the 2024 election, Matt’s future goal of becoming a school security guard, and the time his dog ate magic mushrooms. Matt McCusker: https://www.instagram.com/mccuskermatthewj/ Matt’s tour dates: https://mattmccusker.com/dates/ ------------------------------------------------ Tour Dates! https://theovon.com/tour New Merch: https://www.theovonstore.com ------------------------------------------------- Sponsored By: Celsius: Go to the Celsius Amazon store to check out all of their flavors. #CELSIUSBrandPartner #CELSIUSLiveFit https://amzn.to/3HbAtPJ ShipStation: Get a 60-day free trial at https://www.shipstation.com/theo. Thanks to ShipStation for sponsoring the show! Liquid IV: Go to http://liquidiv.com and use code THEO to get 20% off your first order. BlueChew: Go to http://bluechew.com and use code THEO to get your first month free - just pay $5 shipping. Shopify: Go to http://shopify.com/theo to sign up for a $1-per-month trial period. Special thanks to Media Pouch: https://pouch6studios.com/ ------------------------------------------------- Music: “Shine” by Bishop Gunn Bishop Gunn - Shine ------------------------------------------------ Submit your funny videos, TikToks, questions and topics you'd like to hear on the podcast to: [email protected] Hit the Hotline: 985-664-9503 Video Hotline for Theo Upload here: https://www.theovon.com/fan-upload Send mail to: This Past Weekend 1906 Glen Echo Rd PO Box #159359 Nashville, TN 37215 ------------------------------------------------ Find Theo: Website: https://theovon.com Instagram: https://instagram.com/theovon Facebook: https://facebook.com/theovon Facebook Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/thispastweekend Twitter: https://twitter.com/theovon YouTube: https://youtube.com/theovon Clips Channel: https://www.youtube.com/c/TheoVonClips Shorts Channel: https://bit.ly/3ClUj8z ------------------------------------------------ Producer: Zach https://www.instagram.com/zachdpowers Producer: Nick https://www.instagram.com/realnickdavis/ Producer: Cam https://www.instagram.com/cam__george/ Producer: Colin https://instagram.com/colin_reiner Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Speaker names marked ? are inferred from speaking time and the show’s known hosts — they are not voice-verified.

• 0:00Theo Von?

  You ever realize that you spent your entire morning thinking about lunch? It's 9 a.m. and somehow I'm already in negotiations with myself about how I'm gonna spend $20 on a sandwich at noon. And then I eat it, or you eat it, or somebody eats it, and then an hour later you're just standing in the kitchen worrying about what you'll do for dinner. And that's one reason why I've been into Huell. The Black Edition Powder is a complete meal you have instead of food, not a shake on top of food. Their powder starts at less than $3 per meal, has 40 grams of protein, and mixes with water or milk in about 30 seconds. I like Huell's shakes because they're clean and it's quick.

• 0:41Theo Von?

  I just want to make sure I have everything I need to keep going the way I want to keep going in a healthy manner. So with Huell, basically lunch went from a daily logistical problem to a thing I can solve in about 30 seconds. Make healthy eating simple. New customers get an exclusive offer of 15% off online with my code WEEKEND at huell.com/weekend. That's H-U-E-L dot com slash weekend. Thank you to Huell for partnering and supporting our show. We've got some spring tour dates that I got warm for you here right off the griddle. All these tickets you can get through theovon.com/TOUR.

• 1:26Theo Von?

  This is still the Return of the Rat Tour, and we will be coming to Toledo, Ohio, Pittsburgh, Eugene, Oregon, Kennewick, Washington, Seattle, Victoria, B.C. in the Canada, Belton, Texas, San Antonio, Ola, Durant, Oklahoma, Amarillo, Texas, Amarillo, Oxford, Mississippi, Tuscaloosa, Alabama, Tallahassee, Florida, and Rosemont, Illinois. You can get all your tickets at theovon.com/TOUR, and happy early holidays to everyone. Remember, don't buy through a secondary website.

• 2:11Theo Von?

  Go through our website so you're not getting those heightened ticket prices. And thank you so much for your support. And we do have new merch items back by popular demand. The hitter hunting club collection. We've also got the hitter bait and tackle tees. Those are new, baby. If you like to rod and reel them, baby. Get all these and more at theovonstore.com. The only place to get our merch. We are coming to you live today from Austin, Texas at Media Pouch where we're taping. And we are grateful today to get to spend time with this fella. Um, he is performing in New York City this week.

• 2:54Theo Von?

  You can get those tickets and he is one half of the superhero squad. Matt and Shane's secret podcast. Um, he just reached five years of marriage and I'm happy to, uh, get to spend time today with Mr. Matt McCusker.

• 3:27Theo Von?

  I went to a, I went to a steam room today.

• 3:29Speaker 01

  Did you really?

• 3:30Theo Von?

  Yeah.

• 3:30Speaker 01

  Just steam, it wasn't anything else?

• 3:32Theo Von?

  Yeah. Have you been in there?

• 3:33Speaker 01

  I've been in that. Not, is it like a just a steam room or like attached to a gym?

• 3:38Theo Von?

  Uh, oh no, it's attached to the gym. It's like in the bathroom or whatever. There's um, like a room of, yeah.

• 3:42Speaker 01

  It's intense. It's intense. I thought you said you went to a specific place called the steam room. Like it was a new thing that's just a, you walk in and it's just.

• 3:49Theo Von?

  Oh, no.

• 3:50Speaker 01

  Steamy as hell.

• 3:51Theo Von?

  I wonder if there would ever, I wonder if that'd be a good business if you had like a, another business that also at the same time was a steam room.

• 3:59Speaker 01

  That's what I'm saying.

• 4:00Theo Von?

  Yeah.

• 4:00Speaker 01

  Get your haircut and just sweat.

• 4:01Theo Von?

  Yeah.

• 4:05Theo Von?

  Or like a Radio Shack, you know?

• 4:07Speaker 01

  Oh, that'd be nice.

• 4:08Theo Von?

  And they're like trying to look at batteries.

• 4:09Speaker 01

  They could have stayed in business.

• 4:11Theo Von?

  Oh.

• 4:11Speaker 01

  If they just cranked up the steam.

• 4:14Theo Von?

  Well, Radio Shack was, it was almost like where you almost just go there to get, ask the guy a question and then you would leave. It became that place after a while.

• 4:20Speaker 01

  It did. Well, once the internet came out, you'd be like, yo, what kind of battery I need for this? And you'd be like, all right, right on. Get Amazon and be like, right, nice.

• 4:26Theo Von?

  Yeah. You'd even buy it in front of them.

• 4:30Speaker 01

  Yeah. That's what Best Buy kind of is too.

• 4:32Theo Von?

  Yeah.

• 4:32Speaker 01

  And they don't know shit at Best Buy. Like what kind of camera do I, they're like, oh. I like, they, last couple of times went to Best Buy to ask about like cords and shit. They're just like, I don't really know, man. I'm like, all right, dude, what the fuck? What's the point of this place? Yeah, it's kind of bullshit.

• 4:46Theo Von?

  Yeah, they don't know. And then they'll walk over to another guy. That's the craziest thing. Like, let me ask my, uh, and they'll be like a coworker or whatever. And then they'll go over there and then the people will just start laughing or the guy will slip the guy a joint and then they'll just walk out of the place. You're like,

• 5:00Speaker 01

  It is so, it's sad, man. That last time I went to Best Buy, it was just two dudes. One guy was struggling at a cash register. He didn't even have like the uniform on. And then two other guys were just talking and it was like 10 minutes of people just watching this guy struggle. And I was like, yo, you guys, can you guys come help? And they were like, Yeah, man, I guess. And he walked over. I'm like, alright, well.

• 5:19Theo Von?

  Yeah.

• 5:19Speaker 01

  It's crazy.

• 5:20Theo Von?

  Yeah.

• 5:21Speaker 01

  Customer service dipped during COVID. It's over now.

• 5:24Theo Von?

  That's a great point, huh?

• 5:25Speaker 01

  Yeah, well, we told them they were heroes.

• 5:27Theo Von?

  Yeah, it's true. They, yeah, they called them all frontline workers and stuff.

• 5:30Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 5:31Theo Von?

  Yeah. And a lot of them were, um, a lot of them were not heroes. I don't, I mean, some of them were, I guess. I guess, actually, if you're, DoorDash was the heroes for sure.

• 5:40Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 5:41Theo Von?

  Nurses, remember they were crying and everything? They were scared.

• 5:45Speaker 01

  They, they, well, yeah, they, that actually did suck to be a nurse because you were, they were in like, they were in ground zero. Nobody knew really what it was.

• 5:51Theo Von?

  Right.

• 5:51Speaker 01

  So being around it all the time would suck. You had to like, hold your breath the whole time. So I wouldn't, I would have tried to breathe as least, like, you know, as least as possible.

• 5:59Theo Von?

  Yeah. Oh, that's a good point. Yeah. You're, yeah, you're just talking to somebody really fast like that. You're like, I gotta get, I gotta put this talking, I gotta get out of the room.

• 6:06Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 6:07Theo Von?

  Yeah, that'd be nuts, man. Yeah, dude, I wonder if there'd be a good steam, like, if you could double, you know, because I like double style businesses like that.

• 6:15Speaker 01

  For sure.

• 6:16Theo Von?

  You know, like a shoe store, but also what?

• 6:21Speaker 01

  Shoe store, barber shop. I'm, I'm, I'm keep using barber shop. That would, that would make sense. Yeah.

• 6:26Theo Von?

  Wow.

• 6:26Speaker 01

  They come bring you a new pair of shoes and you're like, dude, I might as well walk out of here with a fresh haircut and fresh shoes.

• 6:31Theo Von?

  Yeah.

• 6:32Speaker 01

  Double businesses are a good idea. I didn't think about that.

• 6:35Theo Von?

  Time for it.

• 6:36Speaker 01

  It is.

• 6:36Theo Von?

  It's time. Dog grooming and maybe, um, Sporting goods or whatever.

• 6:42Speaker 01

  There you go. Or jujitsu.

• 6:44Theo Von?

  Oh, yeah.

• 6:45Speaker 01

  Just tussle a little bit while your dog's getting. Do you do jujitsu?

• 6:49Theo Von?

  I don't do it anymore, man.

• 6:51Speaker 01

  You did it for a while?

• 6:51Theo Von?

  Yeah, I'll go back and do it once I'm done touring. I just kept getting hurt.

• 6:56Speaker 01

  That's the problem with it. It's like I did it for a while and it's just like, yeah, your back gets fucked up and you're like, then at the end of it too, it's like, I could just get a gun.

• 7:04Theo Von?

  Yeah.

• 7:04Speaker 01

  Like, you know, it's like you could just defend yourself.

• 7:07Theo Von?

  Yeah, yeah, you could. I mean, that's the new jujitsu of gun, I guess.

• 7:10Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 7:11Theo Von?

  But it's like, I wonder, you know, sometimes I wonder like if, um, if I guess if I had a superpower, maybe it would be, I'd wanna do jujitsu. I'd wanna know every jujitsu.

• 7:22Speaker 01

  Be nasty at it?

• 7:23Theo Von?

  I mean, just fucking gift wrap a dude.

• 7:25Speaker 01

  True. It's a lot better too. If you're at like a restaurant to like choke a guy out in front of everyone and just like shoot him in the face.

• 7:31Theo Von?

  Yeah.

• 7:32Speaker 01

  No one's gonna be like, dude, nice. That was awesome.

• 7:34Theo Von?

  Yeah, and it's messy. You gotta clean up. You gotta wait around.

• 7:37Speaker 01

  Yeah, just spray somebody's brains everywhere. People are gonna be like, dude, that was kind of aggressive, dude. That was kind of aggro.

• 7:42Theo Von?

  People like, God, God, Carl.

• 7:46Theo Von?

  Yeah, bro, that'd be a good superpower, I think, to be just know everything. It was just, it was in you.

• 7:51Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 7:51Theo Von?

  What would you have? You think if you had a superpower, you think?

• 7:53Speaker 01

  Flying.

• 7:54Theo Von?

  Really?

• 7:54Speaker 01

  Yeah, I'd fly. That'd be awesome.

• 7:56Theo Von?

  Would it though? Think of how, dude, have you even stuck your head out of a window when you're going super fast?

• 8:00Speaker 01

  Yeah, I'd be chill about it. Dude, imagine if I floated into this room and sat in the chair. Dude, those things are tough, dude. I was struggling earlier. You gotta use your shirt. You gotta, I'm so happy I didn't do that on camera. You gotta use your shirt. I was in there, dude, struggling.

• 8:18Theo Von?

  Hold on, dude. Stop, bro.

• 8:19Speaker 01

  That water's not for weaklings, dude.

• 8:22Theo Von?

  This thing's broken, huh?

• 8:24Speaker 01

  It's crazy. I had to put it on my shirt and just fucking wrench it.

• 8:28Theo Von?

  God, that would be my superpower. I think we'd be able to get in, to get in here. No, I think my superpower, hold on a second. I do need to take a second.

• 8:36Speaker 01

  You got that. That's a dangerous angle to open water, dude.

• 8:42Theo Von?

  Dude, that angle might help, bro. A lot of when you lock your hips in, dude, very arm bar.

• 8:47Speaker 01

  True.

• 8:49Theo Von?

  But, uh, yeah, my superpower, I think mine would be if you went into the bathroom, not being able to know if somebody had uh, pooped in there recently.

• 8:58Speaker 01

  That would be nice. Be able to, it was like when, you know, when you take a dump, it doesn't smell. If you had that for everybody.

• 9:03Theo Von?

  But it's like the second you walk into a bathroom, you can tell if somebody's dumped recently, if somebody with perfume did dump.

• 9:09Speaker 01

  Oh, you want to know if they dumped or not know?

• 9:11Theo Von?

  I don't want to not know.

• 9:12Speaker 01

  I don't want to know anything.

• 9:13Theo Von?

  So that'd be my superpower to not have, not have, cause you can't trick your mind to not know, you know?

• 9:19Speaker 01

  But the seat, if the seat's warm, you're gonna be like, that's the worst. And you sit down at like an airport bathroom and the seat's 98.6 degrees and you're like,

• 9:26Theo Von?

  Fuck dude.

• 9:27Speaker 01

  Dude.

• 9:28Theo Von?

  Yeah.

• 9:29Speaker 01

  Fuck, man.

• 9:30Theo Von?

  Bro, and some people do dumps right onto, they won't even flush the toilet at an airport or whatever.

• 9:35Speaker 01

  I know.

• 9:35Theo Von?

  They'll do dumps right on the pee.

• 9:37Speaker 01

  I actually, I've come around, I shit on planes now.

• 9:40Theo Von?

  Uh-uh.

• 9:40Speaker 01

  No, you have to, cause otherwise you're gonna fart like a coward and stink the whole plane up. So now I do the valiant thing. I like walk by everyone. I sit down there for like 15 minutes and they all know, they all know what I did.

• 9:52Theo Von?

  Do you take a newspaper with you?

• 9:53Speaker 01

  I will take my book. If I'm reading a book, I'll take a book with me and I'll just, I'm trying to get this, they gotta really just get rid of the stigma. Cause it's like, dude, otherwise you're just gonna fart silently and just ruin the whole flight.

• 10:05Theo Von?

  Yeah.

• 10:05Speaker 01

  Which I also do sometimes, but it's like, I now I'm like, no, this is, this is juvenile. I gotta go like a man and shit on this plane.

• 10:11Theo Von?

  I'll be back in a little bit.

• 10:12Speaker 01

  Right next from the stewardess. Yeah, I'll be back.

• 10:14Theo Von?

  Do you tell, yeah, that's crazy. If you tell the person next to you, like, I'll be back in a little bit. Hold my calls if you say that.

• 10:21Speaker 01

  Like, yo, man, I've been farting my ass off. I'm gonna go take a shit now, just so you know, I don't want to cause you any more grief. But yeah, dude, everyone thinks I'm crazy for shitting on planes, but it's like, it's the righteous move.

• 10:31Theo Von?

  Yeah, I never thought it like, I don't know.

• 10:33Speaker 01

  Liberating. It's liberating. Once you're like, I don't need to hold this, I gotta get, this is totally normal. Natural. Like, everyone has to take a shit right now.

• 10:40Theo Von?

  What's crazy to me is talking to somebody and trying to guess if they have like poop in their body at that moment or not.

• 10:46Theo Von?

  It makes me so feel unconscious. Like, just tell me.

• 10:48Speaker 01

  Yeah, true.

• 10:49Theo Von?

  You know?

• 10:49Speaker 01

  If somebody ha- are you, can you, like, I know some people who can't hold it in at all. I can hold it in. I can hold it in for like a disturbingly long period of time, but now I'm like, why would I do that?

• 10:58Theo Von?

  Well, some people poop every day. That's very good to me.

• 11:00Speaker 01

  You don't poop every day?

• 11:01Theo Von?

  No way. You do?

• 11:02Speaker 01

  Multiple. I definitely once.

• 11:05Theo Von?

  Multiple times?

• 11:06Speaker 01

  Twice. Yeah, definitely once.

• 11:07Theo Von?

  Oh, my gosh, dude.

• 11:08Speaker 01

  You don't poop every day?

• 11:09Theo Von?

  Huh? Do you sleep outdoors on a farm?

• 11:14Theo Von?

  You poop multiple times a day?

• 11:16Speaker 01

  Sometimes.

• 11:16Theo Von?

  When your owner gets home? That's crazy.

• 11:21Speaker 01

  Definitely once, sometimes twice.

• 11:23Theo Von?

  Oh, my God. How much do normal people?

• 11:25Speaker 01

  It's one, it's three times a day, three times a week. That's what I do three times a week. Okay, it's three times a day, two, three times a week.

• 11:32Theo Von?

  Wait, so how? So we're both in, I guess, the range. I didn't know people were doing it multi- that's crazy. Fucking, what are you doing? You're wasting, how much of your life, how long does it take to even do a poop on average?

• 11:42Speaker 01

  Uh, it depends if I'm really, if I'm like on my phone, I can, you know, I could sit there literally forever. But, I mean, come on, man, 12 seconds.

• 11:50Theo Von?

  On average, a bowel movement takes about 12 seconds?

• 11:54Speaker 01

  That's, I'm gonna, I'm gonna show my wife that next time she's on the seat and be like, bro, you got 12 seconds. Hit the fuck back in here with these kids, dude. No shit breaks.

• 12:01Theo Von?

  Oh, my God. So it's more of a rodeo than it is really like a relaxing thing? I guess, I, who made it, who made poops relaxing?

• 12:08Speaker 01

  Somebody hit him with the max. Maximum 10 to 15 minutes.

• 12:15Speaker 01

  12 seconds is crazy, dude.

• 12:17Theo Von?

  12 seconds is crazy. Who could even do 12 seconds? Oh, that guy that, um, who's that bull rider?

• 12:24Speaker 01

  Damn, look, they say it's relaxing because it stimulates the vagal nerve.

• 12:28Theo Von?

  You got, if you ride a bull, you could probably poop very fast. There you go. JB Mooney right there. JB Money, what, how they say it?

• 12:37Speaker 01

  Mooney.

• 12:38Theo Von?

  Mooney?

• 12:38Speaker 01

  I don't know. What's his deal? He's like the number one bull rider?

• 12:42Theo Von?

  Yeah, he passed away, though.

• 12:43Speaker 01

  Did he really?

• 12:43Speaker 02

  No, he's not dead.

• 12:44Speaker 01

  What did he die from?

• 12:45Theo Von?

  I'm not sure.

• 12:47Speaker 01

  Yo, what's, has he said, is he, uh?

• 12:49Theo Von?

  Oh, never mind. He's on Instagram. He's good.

• 12:51Speaker 01

  Okay, he's not dead?

• 12:52Theo Von?

  Yeah, my bad.

• 12:52Speaker 01

  He was sitting on another cowboy's lap, if I'm not, I don't care at all. He's a bull rider, he can do whatever he wants, but.

• 12:58Theo Von?

  Look, after you've ridden a bull, I think being gay is easy.

• 13:01Speaker 01

  True, true, true.

• 13:04Theo Von?

  That is true. Yeah. After you've ridden a bull, being gay has got to be like, that's child for children.

• 13:11Speaker 01

  You piece of cake. That is true. Being gay after bull riding, gay sex, just staying on the back of a dude.

• 13:16Theo Von?

  Oh.

• 13:16Speaker 01

  You couldn't get that guy off. You'd be trying to buck him off you, he'd be no problem.

• 13:21Theo Von?

  God.

• 13:22Speaker 01

  Be spinning around on you, be like, dude, get off.

• 13:24Theo Von?

  Yeah. He'd be eating funnel cakes.

• 13:27Theo Von?

  He's guessing your weight while you're fucking. Step right up. That's crazy though. So you were, yeah, I usually, I will usually uh poop two, uh, three times a week. Monday, Wednesday, Friday, usually.

• 13:41Speaker 01

  You're, I was about to say your Monday, Wednesday, Friday. Yeah, I'm, I'm every day, bro. I'm every day.

• 13:45Theo Von?

  Weekends too?

• 13:46Speaker 01

  If I miss, for sure. That's when I really chill. But if it's like, yeah.

• 13:50Theo Von?

  It's your weekend. You're shit.

• 13:52Speaker 01

  Definitely, dude.

• 13:53Theo Von?

  Oh my god.

• 13:53Speaker 01

  I look for, it's such a like a relax, the one thing I will say, um, have you ever shit while you're really stoned?

• 14:02Speaker 01

  That's uncomfortable. I've done that before. Like I've taken like a strong weed edible and like you have to take a dump in the middle of it. And it's just like, it's the worst, I think it's the worst part of it.

• 14:10Theo Von?

  Oh, that seems crazy.

• 14:12Speaker 01

  It's very wretched. Yeah. You get like very much like, kind of like, you know, you feel like an animal and you're like, what am I doing?

• 14:18Theo Von?

  Yeah.

• 14:18Speaker 01

  Just taking a gross shit and you're high. It's not good.

• 14:20Theo Von?

  That makes me sad.

• 14:21Speaker 01

  Yeah, it is. It literally just makes you sad. You're like high. You think everything's cool and you take disgusting shit.

• 14:27Theo Von?

  Well, imagine, yeah, say if you, some people used to get their pets high or whatever, you know? And then watching your dog, like my buddy's, uh, it would get his dog high, I guess. I think this is when it was legal or something.

• 14:36Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 14:36Theo Von?

  And he would get it high and then it would start to poop and it would fall over. It would just, it couldn't even, um.

• 14:42Speaker 01

  It fucks their legs up. Yeah. When dogs eat weed, it fucks their legs up. If they eat mushrooms, they're sharp as tacks.

• 14:48Theo Von?

  Really?

• 14:48Speaker 01

  Yeah. My inadvertently, my dog ate a little bit of mushrooms one time. No problem.

• 14:53Theo Von?

  Wow, in Austin?

• 14:54Speaker 01

  No, this is back in Philly. He ate a little bit of weed one time and he was, he couldn't walk.

• 14:59Theo Von?

  Yeah.

• 15:00Speaker 01

  I just had to hold him and just, you know, we spent like, we just like watched a movie. I watched a movie and just held him.

• 15:04Theo Von?

  Oh, that's cool.

• 15:05Speaker 01

  Weed is not good for dogs. Mushrooms, I would argue. Yeah, he was chilling.

• 15:09Theo Von?

  And it would be great to see if dogs started using shrooms or whatever, just to see how they kind of started to put new things together. That would be pretty fascinating.

• 15:16Speaker 01

  Dude, I, I will say he was kind of more well behaved. I, I could just be me, but he like never listened and he inadvertently, it was like an accident. I had like, I made like, put something in like a little tea bag and I threw it in the trash and he just ate the tea bag.

• 15:28Theo Von?

  Yeah.

• 15:29Speaker 01

  I was like, shit.

• 15:29Theo Von?

  Oh.

• 15:30Speaker 01

  And he, I just let him outside and he just zoomed around and went back in. I was like, right.

• 15:33Theo Von?

  That's pretty cool. How, how do dogs do on mushrooms? Can we bring that up actually? I can't believe this isn't a huge study or something.

• 15:40Speaker 01

  We, they get into edibles all the time. That is like for real a problem.

• 15:44Theo Von?

  Yeah, there's always that stone kid in your high school who used that laser and he's like.

• 15:47Speaker 01

  Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's really, once you're like, yeah, it's, okay, that's toxic.

• 15:53Theo Von?

  Funny doggy psychoactive shrooms.

• 15:55Speaker 01

  There you go. This guy looks like he's struggling. This guy looks like he's not having a good time.

• 16:00Theo Von?

  Whoa, bro.

• 16:02Speaker 01

  He might've done a heroic dose.

• 16:03Theo Von?

  This little mixed fella is fucking wow, bro. Dude, that's like your marriage, dude.

• 16:10Speaker 01

  Shortly after this, I rushed him to the vet.

• 16:13Theo Von?

  Oh my God, who was that? Was Roxy had found wild shrooms growing.

• 16:17Speaker 01

  This guy's such a liar. No, they didn't.

• 16:18Theo Von?

  Whoa.

• 16:20Speaker 01

  How the fuck did the vet realize that?

• 16:25Theo Von?

  There he goes. Wow, bro.

• 16:27Speaker 01

  Oh no.

• 16:28Theo Von?

  Super attentive?

• 16:31Speaker 01

  See, my dog was, my dog might've microdosed though, so maybe he was just more kind of chilling.

• 16:35Theo Von?

  This person filming him, that's so wicked.

• 16:38Speaker 01

  She didn't seem afraid. She didn't seem afraid of fact, the opposite. She seemed to be enjoying the experience. All right. I mean, maybe so.

• 16:47Theo Von?

  But this kind of shows you if humans, like some people say that there's the stoned ape theory or whatever, you know? That if that humans ate, that apes ate mushrooms and that's how we eventually evolved? You could start to see it with this dog, like, damn.

• 17:01Speaker 01

  He's on, this dog is on to something.

• 17:02Theo Von?

  Yeah.

• 17:03Speaker 01

  Yeah, dude, I, I think there is something to that though, the stoned ape theory. I don't think it's that crazy. Cause our brain size like, I don't know if it like doubled. It like grew very quickly out of nowhere.

• 17:12Theo Von?

  Did it really?

• 17:13Speaker 01

  Yeah. Back in like the day, our brains were like small and then out of nowhere, they were just.

• 17:18Theo Von?

  And they fattened in it.

• 17:20Speaker 01

  They don't know why it happened. They have no idea. I guess they looked at like skull sizes and they're like, damn. Yeah, something happened where our brains just went nuts.

• 17:27Theo Von?

  According to current understanding, the human brain roughly doubled in size over a period of around two million years.

• 17:33Speaker 01

  There we go.

• 17:34Theo Von?

  With the most rapid expansion happening between eight hundred thousand and two hundred thousand years ago, marking a significant brain boom.

• 17:40Speaker 01

  My thing, if dogs have been around forever, are their great, are their brains growing too? Or like?

• 17:44Theo Von?

  The great question. Have dogs' brains evolved?

• 17:49Theo Von?

  Human brains have tripled in size since the beginning of the human family tree, which dates back around seven million years ago. Wow. So our brains are getting bigger. See, this for me ties straight into like believing, if you look at an alien, right? Usual picture of an alien. It's this body that has no definition.

• 18:04Speaker 01

  Yep.

• 18:04Theo Von?

  Huge head.

• 18:05Speaker 01

  Exactly.

• 18:06Theo Von?

  It's like, that's all, eventually that's what we'll turn into.

• 18:09Speaker 01

  We are.

• 18:09Theo Von?

  It's like this, you don't need to use any muscle. Everything's there.

• 18:12Speaker 01

  Just machinery.

• 18:13Theo Von?

  Comes into your body through a tube, leaves out. You don't have to poop three times a week and, or a day, and on weekends.

• 18:20Speaker 01

  They're probably, they're probably pretty regular, though.

• 18:23Theo Von?

  Aliens?

• 18:23Speaker 01

  No, definitely not. It's like, you know, sloths shit like once a month?

• 18:28Theo Von?

  No way.

• 18:28Speaker 01

  They come down from the tree and they just shit every thirty days, like a enormous pile of shit.

• 18:33Theo Von?

  Must take an hour, bring it up.

• 18:34Speaker 01

  Takes a while. It's pretty funny, they come down real slow.

• 18:39Speaker 01

  Once a week, my bad, my bad.

• 18:41Theo Von?

  So it's used once a week, now that makes sense.

• 18:43Speaker 01

  Daily, women's sloths daily when they're in heat. I must be in heat then. That's probably why I'm dumping all the time, I'm so damn horny.

• 18:50Theo Von?

  Because I wonder if there's a, if there's like, um.

• 18:55Theo Von?

  Yeah, I wonder if there's, if your body wants to have poop in it or doesn't, probably doesn't.

• 19:01Speaker 01

  Doesn't, yeah, I would say not. I would say it doesn't, it's, I mean, it's, you feel so much better.

• 19:05Theo Von?

  And you don't have it in you?

• 19:06Speaker 01

  How does it feel, so the fact that you do that every couple of days, is that kind of like beating off where it feels great? Like if you hold it in for three days?

• 19:14Theo Von?

  Well, it definitely feels more of like an organized crime, you know?

• 19:17Speaker 01

  Really?

• 19:18Theo Von?

  Yeah, it's like more, it's just not, you're not just fucking showing up. It's not like it's a, like just spraying bullets in the air, you know? It feels like you just got that fucking John Wilkes poop, you know? You fucking rolled up with one fucking purpose, you know?

• 19:33Speaker 01

  It's just like, you'll.

• 19:34Theo Von?

  Bam, very organized, very Japanese almost.

• 19:37Speaker 01

  Really?

• 19:38Theo Von?

  Yeah.

• 19:38Speaker 01

  You feel it coming, you're like, I knew this moment would arrive.

• 19:40Theo Von?

  Fucking, yeah. It's like you paid extra for the wrapping, it's like, it's just very. Feels like how it's supposed to happen, not somebody the second they get a bullet in the gum.

• 19:50Speaker 01

  Not like as soon as you wake up every day?

• 19:52Theo Von?

  Yeah, they just spray it at the neighbors.

• 19:54Speaker 01

  I will say waking up in the middle of the night and having to shit is upsetting.

• 19:58Theo Von?

  Oh.

• 19:59Speaker 01

  Cause then you're you're in total darkness and then you have to like turn on the light. Yeah, that's terrible.

• 20:04Theo Von?

  And what make, cause all you have to do is go back to sleep. You do not have to.

• 20:09Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 20:09Theo Von?

  Nothing in the world is saying, hey, poop now, save yourself some time or whatever. Like you can just.

• 20:16Speaker 01

  You're saying it's like a life hack to shit the middle of the night?

• 20:20Theo Von?

  That's what some people think, dude. It's like, they think it's a life hack. I'm like, what? It is not a life hack.

• 20:25Speaker 01

  Well, I've tried to ignore it, but it's like, you know, you can ignore, you can like wake up and you're like, ah, I kind of gotta pee, but you're like, ah, I'm good. Then you wake up and like your side fucking hurts and you're like, oh shit. But if you try to hold it and dump and go to sleep, it's like, you just gotta get out of bed.

• 20:39Theo Von?

  Well, but the crazy thing is sometimes you'll get up, something you'll see, you sit down, right? You sit down. And then the problem is you start to doze off, right? That's the worst.

• 20:47Speaker 01

  That's how Elvis died.

• 20:48Theo Von?

  Yeah.

• 20:49Speaker 01

  Yeah, he just dozed off while shitting and he died.

• 20:51Theo Von?

  Well, doze and often dying are different.

• 20:53Speaker 01

  Yeah, he overdosed.

• 20:55Speaker 01

  It's dangerous when you shit while you're sleepy.

• 20:57Theo Von?

  Damn, Elvis is so tired. He ain't coming back.

• 21:01Speaker 01

  Yeah, it is. Uh, it's just sucks. You like, especially when you turn the lights on from pitch blackness, you just like, you see like the veins in your thighs and shit and you're just.

• 21:07Theo Von?

  Very sad.

• 21:08Speaker 01

  Yeah, it's disgusting.

• 21:09Theo Von?

  It's very sad. And then here's the worst thing that can happen to you. You know, there's a video of a guy like his house caught on fire or something. He was on the, um, he was on the toilet. And then his, but his leg, but his legs had fallen asleep. And so then he tries to run out and he can't.

• 21:24Speaker 01

  No.

• 21:24Theo Von?

  Yeah.

• 21:25Speaker 01

  Just, you serious?

• 21:26Theo Von?

  That, that happens a lot. If you're sitting there for a long time, your legs will fall asleep.

• 21:29Speaker 01

  Yeah, that, that is a problem. Yeah. I've really, I got a nasty hemorrhoid one time. I'm sorry that the subject.

• 21:35Theo Von?

  We never, yeah, we, we don't talk about this kind of stuff much, so I think it's okay.

• 21:38Speaker 01

  We should talk about it more.

• 21:39Theo Von?

  Cause people should be okay talking about it. It's not crazy.

• 21:42Speaker 01

  Yeah, it happens all the time. This is actually important. I thought you could just sit on the toilet forever and just like scroll your phone and kind of like hide from your family, but I got a hemorrhoid. And dude, that, I looked it up and like, if you sit there for too long, cause I like to read and stuff on the toilet. Now that's why I'm all business. I'm in and out. It's like, dude, those things suck.

• 21:58Theo Von?

  Okay.

• 21:58Speaker 01

  And they come from sitting there too long.

• 22:00Theo Von?

  Well, yeah, your body, it's crazy because your body literally wants to get out of your ass, which is like. It's it's like you would think your body's happy like the insides of you, but they're like nah.

• 22:10Speaker 01

  No dude, it's nonstop.

• 22:12Theo Von?

  Come, they're just peeking around the corner.

• 22:13Speaker 01

  Yeah, your body never gets a break. You sleep, thank God, but your cells are still moving. They brain, you know, it never gets a fucking true rest.

• 22:20Theo Von?

  That's true, man.

• 22:21Speaker 01

  It's kind of bullshit.

• 22:22Theo Von?

  Yeah, man, I I I couldn't believe um. Yeah, I guess I just, I guess I just, I can't believe how much some people do, because to me, pooping feels like you have to earn it.

• 22:34Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 22:35Theo Von?

  You know, if you just. If somebody just, you know, yeah, I'll go shit or whatever. I got some time to kill. Crazy to me, dude.

• 22:44Speaker 01

  That is true. You gotta wait till it's there.

• 22:46Theo Von?

  You know?

• 22:47Speaker 01

  No, you're absolutely right.

• 22:48Theo Von?

  Franz Ferdinand or whatever, like the prince of royals or whatever, like, what are you even?

• 22:55Speaker 01

  I used to be able to pee. I think I can still do it. I can pee at any time. I can make myself pee.

• 23:02Theo Von?

  At any point?

• 23:02Speaker 01

  Any point I can get pee out of it. It's weird.

• 23:04Theo Von?

  So somebody runs up, gun to the head, pee now.

• 23:07Speaker 01

  Dude, I literally, I, so when I was little, I was like down the beach with like my cousins and stuff. And we were like out of bed. We were like real little. We're fucking around. We're supposed to be in bed. We were just running around. And my uncle came down. He's like, I told you guys to go to bed. And I was like, oh, I gotta pee. And I didn't have to pee. He's like, prove it. And he made me and my cousin fucking pee. And I fucking was just like, well, see, and I just peed. And ever since I've just known how to do it. My, it was like, you know.

• 23:32Theo Von?

  That's your superpower.

• 23:33Speaker 01

  I was about, it is my superpower. I can pee at any time.

• 23:36Theo Von?

  That's awesome.

• 23:36Speaker 01

  And my, it was like, dude, my uncle was like, it was like a fucking like a probation officer. It's like, go ahead and pee. And I had to like, put my back to him. And I was like, come on, come on, come on.

• 23:45Speaker 01

  I was pumped.

• 23:46Theo Von?

  Dude, I would always get nervous in the locker room or whatever, that my penis wasn't good or whatever.

• 23:50Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 23:51Theo Von?

  And um, because my brother also was an asshole. He took a marker and wrote like not good next to my penis. And I was like, what an asshole. And so I was always like, super paranoid, you know? But I would always like, try to like, shake it against my leg to get it fired up before I turn around in the locker room or whatever.

• 24:06Speaker 01

  Yeah, no, let's do that's, that's a real thing, though. If you had a rest stop, I don't know why, but when you're peeing, you can kind of like peripherally see other dicks like, like just out like the very corners of your eye. And they always look just enormous every single time. I don't know if you've ever encountered that.

• 24:22Theo Von?

  Yeah, I don't have, I don't, I don't, I don't get that.

• 24:25Speaker 01

  I got a crazy peripheral.

• 24:27Theo Von?

  Really?

• 24:27Speaker 01

  And I'm just torment it, dude. I'm peeing. I'm like, oh my God.

• 24:30Theo Von?

  Just hogs everywhere, huh?

• 24:31Speaker 01

  All country. It's just wild.

• 24:34Theo Von?

  Razorback fans?

• 24:35Speaker 01

  It's just wild hog.

• 24:36Theo Von?

  Bill Clinton.

• 24:39Speaker 01

  I just always pull my balls up too at a urinal. Just so if anyone catches me, they're like, oh shit.

• 24:42Theo Von?

  Well, it should be where if you squeeze your balls, that stuff goes into your weener and makes it bigger. That's what God should have done.

• 24:48Speaker 01

  That would be good design. Absolutely.

• 24:50Theo Von?

  Yeah. Or make your balls squ- like, I always wanted to stack my balls. I always wished that they were, um, squared or whatever.

• 24:58Speaker 01

  I agree.

• 24:59Theo Von?

  When you mean business, you're like, all right, motherfucker.

• 25:00Speaker 01

  Stacking them up would be nice.

• 25:01Theo Von?

  Yeah.

• 25:02Speaker 01

  Just roll them.

• 25:03Theo Von?

  Daddy's stacking in a sack right now. Somebody's about to get an ass whooping. And then I'm gonna go shit this weekend.

• 25:08Speaker 01

  Stack nuts would be decent. That would be nice. Stacking your nuts to take a shit.

• 25:14Speaker 01

  Or if Uncle's like, pee right now, you're like, or check this out. He's like, damn, you stacked your nuts? You can go drink a beer with me, dude.

• 25:20Theo Von?

  That fellow's an architect, didn't he?

• 25:24Theo Von?

  God damn. You know, um, I've, I've been dealing with it a lot. I'll say it. It's dehydration. You know, my arms are just, whether I've been flying or, um, you go to work out and then you're on the go and next thing you know, you're, you're feeling chapped or you're just feeling like your body's just made out of just dang this baby paper. And it's tough to deal with. That's dehydration. And what I use to help me is Liquid IV. It's simple. You just crack open a packet of Liquid IV, pour it right into a bottle of water, put the cap back on, shake it up, baby. And dang daddy's quenched. That's how I do it. One stick plus 16 ounces of water hydrates better than water alone.

• 26:08Theo Von?

  And you can feel it when you're drinking it. It feels thick. It feels um just, just, just luscious. It feels good when it's going in you. Stay hydrated through the holidays with Liquid IV. Get 20% off your first order of Liquid IV when you go to LiquidIV.com and use code Theo at checkout. That's 20% off your first order when you shop better hydration today using promo code Theo at LiquidIV.com. You know, a lot has changed with our merchandise store online. Over the past year, you know, we've tried new products and different things.

• 26:50Theo Von?

  And, and if you are familiar with e-commerce or have an e-commerce business of your own, I'm sure you know how things can change and sometimes you have to scale. Well, ShipStation has helped us. That's the truth. ShipStation helps you achieve exceptional shipping efficiency with a robust all-in-one order fulfillment system that integrates with over 180 of the most popular e-commerce platforms, marketplaces, and carriers. That's right. We started out shipping out of a basement. A buddy of mine, Kevin, and his brother, and he was on the, he was on the bottle a bit, but they, they would ship the shirts and then things evolved.

• 27:33Theo Von?

  And ShipStation really came to the rescue. Scale your e-commerce business with the shipping software that delivers. Switch to ShipStation today. Go to ShipStation.com and use code Theo to sign up for your free 60-day trial. That means throughout the holidays, you can try it out. That's ShipStation, S-H-I-P-S-T-A-T-I-O-N.com code Theo.

• 28:04Theo Von?

  Happy anniversary dude.

• 28:06Speaker 01

  Thank you, man.

• 28:07Theo Von?

  You just had a five year anniversary.

• 28:08Speaker 01

  Yeah, yeah. Thank you.

• 28:09Theo Von?

  Did you guys do something special for it? Or how does that kind of work? Do you feel like you have to?

• 28:14Speaker 01

  No, I don't, but you know, um, I, I'm not really like the, I'm not big on milestones and stuff. You know, obviously we like, we did something. I don't know what we did. I think we went out to dinner. But no, we didn't really do anything that crazy. 10, 10 maybe we'll do something cool. But especially with little kids, it's like, you can't really do, we can't go on like a trip. We could, but it's like, it's just a pain in the ass. You're going a few days, they're freaking out. So yeah, we just chilled, man. You know, we're just five years trying to do five more, you know? That's all it is.

• 28:45Theo Von?

  Does it feel, did it feel kind of exciting? You give a moment for yourself where you were like, wow, it's pretty cool or?

• 28:49Speaker 01

  Well, to be fair, I originally, I thought we had been together for 10 years total. So I originally was like together 10 years, married for five, and she's like, dude, we've been together for nine years. I was like, right on, right on. So I was kind of stoked. I was like, damn, it's like the longest relationship I've ever been in. Yeah. I was like, that's kind of sick.

• 29:03Theo Von?

  Remember you telling me that? Yeah, it's cool. Yeah, five years of marriage is very, um, that's a big deal now.

• 29:10Speaker 01

  Oh yeah, dude, it's the five, they, they claim that the, the true power struggle lasts for five, the first five years are a giant power struggle. Where you both try to like, you know, who's, who gets to say this, who gets, like, there's a million little things you have to like hammer out agreements on. Like how full, like it's, it might be in silly, but it's like, how full should the trash get? Should you put this stuff away? You know, there's just a bunch of stuff.

• 29:30Theo Von?

  I can only imagine that.

• 29:30Speaker 01

  And you have a power struggle, who gets to say what? And you know, so it's like, I think it's, I think it's kind of real because it has subsided a lot. Terms of like just bickering over stupid shit.

• 29:39Theo Von?

  Do you look forward to seeing your wife when you get home and stuff?

• 29:41Speaker 01

  I do. I look forward, I look forward to seeing her, the kids, especially if they go away. Yeah, dude, there's, there's a post, that's, we were.

• 29:47Theo Von?

  That's you?

• 29:48Speaker 01

  Yeah, bro. That's when I was, I was a bad boy back then.

• 29:50Theo Von?

  Oh my God.

• 29:52Speaker 01

  That's, that was us now.

• 29:53Theo Von?

  There you go.

• 29:54Speaker 01

  Look at that dude.

• 29:54Theo Von?

  That's cool.

• 29:56Speaker 01

  But yeah, the kids, the, the kids are the big ones, man. They run and give you a big hug, but it's like, it's just nice to have like the central unit every day to go back to.

• 30:03Theo Von?

  Did, is there ever moments where the kids favor one or the other and that hurts your feelings?

• 30:07Speaker 01

  All the time.

• 30:08Theo Von?

  Oh, bro.

• 30:09Speaker 01

  All the time. See it all the time.

• 30:11Theo Von?

  That would break my heart.

• 30:12Speaker 01

  They, when they're really. Little, they don't want anything to do with the dad for the most part, which is like, all right, I could deal with that. And now they're like, they're rolling meal, but they'll go back and forth between like who they want to put them to bed. And honestly though, when they're like, we want mommy to put us to bed. I'm like, right. You know, I'm like, whatever.

• 30:27Theo Von?

  Right.

• 30:27Speaker 01

  But I could, they would do that. They would like, they were all about me for a while and I could see it would like hurt my wife's feelings a lot.

• 30:32Theo Von?

  Yeah.

• 30:33Speaker 01

  But then they always switch back. Eventually they'll be like, fuck you. We want mom. And it's like, if one of us are away, they want the other one.

• 30:39Theo Von?

  Yeah. It's like the portal in the football or whatever.

• 30:42Speaker 01

  The what?

• 30:42Theo Von?

  They're like, I'm hitting the portal. I'm going to mom.

• 30:44Speaker 01

  Yeah, for real. But.

• 30:46Theo Von?

  She's got NIL Lunchables over here.

• 30:47Speaker 01

  As long as you're together, I think it's, you know, it's cool, but like the separating, man, that's such a nightmare to navigate. It seems like, cause then it's like, you have two different houses, you know, and I, I know myself, I'd make my house more fun than hers. So you can start doing that shit and it's just like.

• 31:00Theo Von?

  Getting big speakers and shit.

• 31:02Speaker 01

  It'd be so nasty, dude. But it's also like, yeah, it's, it's just hard. Like, yeah, I think, what is it? Like 40? I think divorce is actually going down, but it's still like 45% of marriages get divorced.

• 31:13Theo Von?

  That's crazy. What is it?

• 31:16Theo Von?

  Yeah, I want, do you have a key? You feel like, oh, let me see. In the United States, the percentage of marriages that end in divorce varies by the number of times a couple has been married. Interesting.

• 31:25Speaker 01

  I'm, I'm, this is my second too. So I'm, I'm not, the odds are not in my favor.

• 31:29Theo Von?

  Wow. So first marriages, 41% of first marriages end in divorce. Second marriage is 60%. Third marriage is 73%.

• 31:37Speaker 01

  Yeah. Fourth marriage is just a man.

• 31:39Theo Von?

  Yeah.

• 31:42Speaker 01

  Fourth marriage is 100% of the time ended divorce.

• 31:47Speaker 01

  Yeah. The, uh, yeah, man, it's, you know, what were you asking? If there's any, are there any like secrets?

• 31:51Theo Von?

  Yeah. Do you have a secret? Like, do you have something that you feel like you've kind of honestly learned or like, you've been like this, this helps or this is something that I had to adjust about myself or anything like that?

• 32:03Speaker 01

  Yeah. I, for me, it's like, I can only speak for myself, but it's like, and I think you could say to other people, but it's like you, as a person, you have massive blind spots as like the stuff you do. That's like, not great. And it, it takes a lot when you get input on those things. It's so easy to be like, fuck you, shut up. You don't know what you're talking about. But over time, it can almost like, give you insight into aspects of yourself that you're like. Yeah, I could probably change this a little bit, or even in like the heat of arguments. I'll hear something she'll say and in my head, I'll before I even have time, I'll be like, fuck that, that's bullshit. Then there'll be a part of my brain where like, fuck, that's kind of valid, but I'll be like, fuck this, I'm not losing this argument. So you start to like, get better at like being like, you're right, that was fucked up of me. And then also like,

• 32:48Speaker 01

  you have to be like, but this is something, you know, so it's just like, learning how to communicate and in order to communicate, you gotta take in a lot of like, kind of bad stuff about yourself without like completely just getting floored to level 10, but you don't even realize it's happening.

• 33:00Theo Von?

  Right.

• 33:01Speaker 01

  If that makes sense.

• 33:02Theo Von?

  Well, I guess you have somebody that you, I guess you were like, okay, I trust my spouse. I care about them, so I'm gonna listen to some of their feedback.

• 33:10Speaker 01

  Yeah, and like, it's one of those, especially if you're, if you're like simultaneously bothering each other, you're programmed to be like, the thing you're doing is worse than the thing you think I'm doing. And you have to like, take perspective and be like, alright, that's valid. And it just like, it literally feels like you're moving like an 800 pound stone to just be like, alright, maybe that is something annoying I do. Maybe that is a personal weakness of my, it's just fucking hard. But you learn how to do, I think it helps in the long run.

• 33:34Theo Von?

  Yeah.

• 33:34Speaker 01

  But, you know, it's just like, dude, there's just so many facets to it. Cause then you have kids, then it's like, well, who gets to dictate like the philosophy of the house and the flow of things. It's just a fucking lot, dude. It's just.

• 33:44Theo Von?

  Yeah. Do you have to have conversations like about that kind of stuff?

• 33:45Speaker 01

  All the time. You have to talk about that kind of stuff all the time. And it's like.

• 33:48Theo Von?

  Like, how do we, how should we parent?

• 33:50Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 33:50Theo Von?

  Wow, that's cool though.

• 33:51Speaker 01

  But then you can't do it in front of the kids. But then you're, as it's going on.

• 33:54Theo Von?

  Right.

• 33:54Speaker 01

  Every cell in your body is like, say it now, and you have to hold, sit there and wait. And then like, there's never a good times. And it's there, it's nighttime, it's like right before bed, like, something that actually bothered me today. It's like, that's not a good time. You can't do it first thing in the morning.

• 34:06Theo Von?

  And you can't do that thing where you're just quiet in the room, but being loud, but being quiet. You ever do that shit?

• 34:11Speaker 01

  Oh, yeah.

• 34:13Theo Von?

  Yeah.

• 34:13Speaker 01

  I'll do, I'm the king of that.

• 34:14Theo Von?

  Yeah.

• 34:15Speaker 01

  I'll lay down and just be like, what's the matter? Like, nothing.

• 34:22Speaker 01

  Just wait for three days and make actually what was bothering me the other night.

• 34:26Theo Von?

  You've been fucking just picking your skin off in the garage, fucking drinking PBRs back there. God, dude. Yeah, that's so wild. Being loud but being quiet is the craziest behavior.

• 34:39Speaker 01

  Oh, it's insane. If I see someone else do it, I'm like, what? Are you fucking crazy? But I'll definitely be like, and sometimes you don't even realize you're doing it. I'll get into bed and just be like, I'll hear like, what's the matter? I'm like, why? She's like, you just sighed heavily. And I'm like, did I? I didn't realize I did that. So yeah, it's a, it's good. You know what I mean? It's, it's one of those things you don't know. Cause it's like, it's like you hear like, uh, what you call it? Like, it's not a slam on Matt Rife. He had that special red flags and it's not like, that taps into a big thing of like online dating, all the stuff where it's like, if anyone exhibits any sign of weakness, that's a red flag, abandon ship immediately. But everybody has them and eventually you got, and again, I'm not slamming the Rife man for that was just,

• 35:20Speaker 01

  he's tapping into like, no, that's just popular consciousness of the young online daters.

• 35:25Theo Von?

  Totally.

• 35:25Speaker 01

  But it's like this, like red flag philosophy is like.

• 35:28Theo Von?

  Everybody has red flags. Exactly. What are you gonna do? Now you're just, everybody's like, fuck everybody.

• 35:32Speaker 01

  Yeah. Not everybody's fucking dope as hell, dude. Everyone's got fucking major issues going on.

• 35:38Theo Von?

  You think everybody's smug Mackenzie or whatever?

• 35:41Speaker 01

  Yeah, dude, it's like, out of your mind. And that's, that's the thing where it's like, you have to like, you know, and I, I think couples counseling is a great thing. A lot of people like it's a fucking waste of time. If you gotta do that, it's already over. And it's like, I think it's great. Then it enters a, it's the best thing when you're arguing, it's like, I'm the boss, I'm the boss. And you just clash, you give the authority to another figure. And then it's like, when you do couples counseling, if your wife's right, it gets to like, kind of, instead of like hitting you like a laser beam, it goes to that person. They kind of can relay, it's like the, I don't know how to explain it, but it's like every now and again. Another person with, you know, with like degrees and shit would be like, actually, your husband's right about this. And you're just like,

• 36:19Theo Von?

  It's like he's in Starling, kinda.

• 36:20Speaker 01

  Yeah, it kind of is. Yeah. You get to, it just, I think it's great for people.

• 36:23Theo Von?

  Yeah.

• 36:23Speaker 01

  And it's like, it just helps because it's like, you don't want to hear it from the other person. You know what I mean? Like, if like, my wife's telling me something, I'm like, I don't want to hear the shit. If she tells him, then he tells me, I'm like, that is actually a fantastic point.

• 36:34Theo Von?

  Yeah.

• 36:34Speaker 01

  And I'm not trying to be a dick. It just,

• 36:36Theo Von?

  No, bro. It's got, I mean, people have to, how do you bridge a topic? Say there's something you want to talk to your wife about. How do you kind of do it?

• 36:45Speaker 01

  Dude, so I've learned before I would just boil quietly and then like explode. Now what I do,

• 36:51Theo Von?

  Just like violent Irish, like the Irish hello.

• 36:54Speaker 01

  Exactly. Exactly. Yeah, exactly. Another fucking thing. What I do now,

• 36:59Theo Von?

  Freakles of flying across.

• 37:03Speaker 01

  They're just bouncing off each other. Yeah. The, uh, well, the problem is it's like, all right, here, I have a piece of information. If I relate to this person, they're going to have a big emotional reaction. That's going to get me all upset. So I'll just keep it to myself. And so eventually what I learned to do is be like, I gotta tell you something, then this is actually going, this could potentially get you upset. So like that way, they're, they're not caught off guard. They're like, that catches them. And they're like, all right, they have time to prepare themselves.

• 37:27Theo Von?

  Yeah.

• 37:27Speaker 01

  And then you hit them with the information rather than this being like, Yeah, that really fucking bothered me like three days ago. And that, you know, they're just like, what the fuck is this? So I, you have to like, for me, it's like, I have to preface the fact that I'm about to bring up something that could be potentially upsetting.

• 37:39Theo Von?

  That's kind of a good way to do it.

• 37:41Speaker 01

  Dude, it works so much. It works so much.

• 37:43Theo Von?

  Cause then they're not, then they're also not thinking that you also wanted to catch me off guard. So again, that's two things you're doing.

• 37:48Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 37:49Theo Von?

  You're telling them something that's going to upset them and then you're also surprising them.

• 37:52Speaker 01

  Exactly. And with this, you're like, I don't know. It shows you care to be like, hey,

• 37:57Theo Von?

  Yeah.

• 37:57Speaker 01

  I don't want to upset you, but I have no other choice than to relay this information to you. So, prepare yourself. Now here's the information, a thousand percent of the time. Or it works like a thousand percent better every time. Cause it sucks.

• 38:09Theo Von?

  Yeah.

• 38:10Speaker 01

  You gotta share stuff constantly back and forth. That's just like, not great. And that's why I think it is long-term. It's good to be in long-term relationships. I, I think, but it's like, everyone's different. That's the other thing.

• 38:20Theo Von?

  Yeah.

• 38:20Speaker 01

  So could be fucking, you know, maybe some people might not be the thing. So.

• 38:25Theo Von?

  Yes, it's, it's, it's tough to figure out. I mean,

• 38:30Theo Von?

  I don't know anything.

• 38:31Speaker 01

  The question then is like, how much flack do you take? Like, how much stress do you take before you're supposed to call it quits? There's no real answer on that.

• 38:38Theo Von?

  Right. Like, yeah, where do they, yeah, well, how does that go? Yeah, I'm watching some friends and stuff go through divorces and it's really challenging, but then I'm also watching friends stay together. Who are trying to just battle it and figure it out because that's what they want the story of their life to be, you know? I think.

• 38:51Speaker 01

  That can be terrible too. Exactly. Get to the place where you just, I've, I've been in houses where it's like. The parents fucking hate each other. They don't talk to each other. That's could be even worse, honestly.

• 39:01Theo Von?

  Yeah, dude, we had a dude on our street when I was growing up, he tried to burn his family down like three fucking times and his wife stayed with him every time was like. What are you guys doing? Like that's.

• 39:09Speaker 01

  For real?

• 39:10Theo Von?

  Yeah. Like you are dumb lady.

• 39:12Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 39:12Theo Von?

  He was, and everybody knew, you know, everybody knew how much he didn't like her. You know?

• 39:18Speaker 01

  I would say, I would say, just try to cook the house.

• 39:22Theo Von?

  Just fucking a dude, but animals, you know, people, people are animals, you know, raccoons will eat their young. Just so another, so they'll go into heat. So another raccoon will come and have sex with them again.

• 39:33Speaker 01

  What?

• 39:34Theo Von?

  That's crazy behavior.

• 39:35Speaker 01

  They'll eat their babies to get piped down?

• 39:40Theo Von?

  That's so. I'm not saying what city this is happening in, but.

• 39:45Speaker 01

  So they'll for real. That's crazy. Cause what? Just munching your baby puts you in heat?

• 39:49Theo Von?

  Yep. Male raccoons, also known as boars, can kill a baby raccoon, a practice called infanticide. This can happen for a number of reasons, including sexual dominance.

• 39:57Speaker 01

  Oh, they'll, oh, they'll kill. Okay. So the mom will, wait, the mom will eat it. The dad raccoon will kill the baby. So. The mom can't come up with any bullshit excuses.

• 40:07Theo Von?

  Not to want to make love.

• 40:07Speaker 01

  Yeah. You think you're fucking, just gobble the babies and be like, we're fucking now.

• 40:14Theo Von?

  Wow.

• 40:14Speaker 01

  I know you love this shit.

• 40:17Theo Von?

  I'm turning this living room into a soup plantation right now. That's.

• 40:23Speaker 01

  Damn, they're, they're like romantic novels must be crazy too. Just a fucking cover of a jacked raccoon with a baby in his mouth.

• 40:31Theo Von?

  That raccoon that plays dead and he put that broomstick over him to make it look like it hit him.

• 40:38Theo Von?

  Find that video, bro. Unbelievable.

• 40:41Speaker 01

  That's crazy. I didn't know that though.

• 40:46Theo Von?

  This is the fuck craziest thing I'd ever seen in my life. They're so.

• 40:50Speaker 01

  Raccoons are rad, dude. I love raccoons.

• 40:52Theo Von?

  They're very un, uh. Yeah, they're like fucking mafia squirrels, dude. They are serious about.

• 41:00Speaker 01

  Yeah, dude, they're bear family. He's crazy.

• 41:02Theo Von?

  Yeah, keep looking forward and find it if you can for me. It's a video.

• 41:05Speaker 01

  Yeah, that sounds awesome.

• 41:08Theo Von?

  Um, what else been happening, man? How's things been?

• 41:11Speaker 01

  I got this auto ring, so I've been tracking my biometric data. That's been kind of fun.

• 41:15Theo Von?

  Nah.

• 41:16Speaker 01

  Yeah, it does stress, does sleep. It's pretty, it's pretty cool.

• 41:18Theo Von?

  What?

• 41:19Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 41:19Theo Von?

  I've never even seen that. Can you take it off or you can't?

• 41:21Speaker 01

  Yeah, take it off, yeah. Take it, check it out.

• 41:23Theo Von?

  So it's just a ring and it brings up the.

• 41:25Speaker 01

  So it tracks your sleep, it tracks your stress. Oh, here we go.

• 41:30Theo Von?

  Yeah, this is great. Look at this.

• 41:35Speaker 01

  The fuck?

• 41:36Theo Von?

  Uh, this is a couple of minutes long. Maybe.

• 41:39Speaker 01

  What is that thing?

• 41:42Speaker 01

  Yo, that's a good guy, dude. It's a flying squirrel.

• 41:51Speaker 01

  Dude. That's nuts.

• 41:54Theo Von?

  Wow.

• 41:55Speaker 01

  He's a fucking wish it would have happened.

• 41:57Theo Von?

  This is somebody you meet on Craigslist for sure. Dude, we got the guy from Craigslist coming on.

• 42:02Speaker 01

  What?

• 42:03Theo Von?

  Craig.

• 42:03Speaker 01

  Do you really?

• 42:04Theo Von?

  Yeah, next week.

• 42:05Speaker 01

  What the hell?

• 42:06Theo Von?

  Pretty excited about that.

• 42:07Speaker 01

  Dude, you know how many blowjobs that guy's responsible for?

• 42:11Theo Von?

  Yeah.

• 42:11Speaker 01

  Like for real, millions.

• 42:13Theo Von?

  That's crazy.

• 42:14Speaker 01

  Free.

• 42:14Theo Von?

  There's gotta be a ton of kids out there that happen because of him.

• 42:18Speaker 01

  Probably do. Yeah, true. I didn't think about that.

• 42:20Theo Von?

  Bro, I met a woman once. She, we met at a bar, right? Met her off of personal encounter or whatever. Met her at a bar, figured it, uh. I didn't, you know, I figured that if she wouldn't be, who know, I figured she might be a man or whatever, but hopefully she wasn't.

• 42:37Speaker 01

  Nice.

• 42:38Theo Von?

  That was kind of my attitude. And then I go there, bro, smoking hot, bro.

• 42:44Speaker 01

  What?

• 42:45Theo Von?

  I'm like, you gotta be kidding me. This lady's gonna kill me or whatever, drink my blood or whatever.

• 42:48Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 42:49Theo Von?

  So goes back to my place. She covered anything in my place that had any light closed all covered the VCR thing like every in no light at all.

• 42:59Speaker 01

  I do that, by the way.

• 43:00Theo Von?

  You do?

• 43:01Speaker 01

  I don't like fucking lights when I'm sleeping. I I would put like.

• 43:04Theo Von?

  No, for sex, she did it.

• 43:05Speaker 01

  Oh, she did for sex. Oh, she didn't want the cam probably.

• 43:07Theo Von?

  You think I'm just gonna invite somebody or just to fucking sleep at my place?

• 43:11Speaker 01

  You gotta get to know her, dude.

• 43:13Theo Von?

  You think I'm gonna fucking, bro, meeting somebody and then letting them sleep at your house really is a crazy practice now.

• 43:20Speaker 01

  Dude, it was casual encounters, dude.

• 43:21Theo Von?

  That's true.

• 43:22Speaker 01

  That's pretty casual.

• 43:22Theo Von?

  You're right. You're right. You're right.

• 43:23Speaker 01

  It's in the half.

• 43:24Theo Von?

  Trying to make it more than it is.

• 43:28Speaker 01

  So she covered every source of light and then had sex with you?

• 43:30Theo Von?

  Yeah.

• 43:31Speaker 01

  What did you think about that?

• 43:32Theo Von?

  I don't know. It was, uh, I was willing to do it. I knew that, but I didn't know much else after. I just knew it was very interesting. I couldn't tell if she didn't wanna see me, if she was scared. Yeah, maybe she was nervous that there was a camera or something.

• 43:45Speaker 01

  Yeah. What's, what's the, if you don't mind me asking, what's that Craigslist pussy like?

• 43:48Theo Von?

  Uh, I don't remember it that good, but it was pretty. It was fine, I guess. It was, you know, it was, you know, norm, you know, pretty.

• 43:56Speaker 01

  Yeah, yeah.

• 43:57Theo Von?

  Not, yeah, like, normal, a normal woman.

• 44:02Speaker 01

  I'm glad that worked out for you. Every time I've, I've sold a lot of things on Craigslist, just like I've sold cars on Craigslist. I've bought like, I think I bought like a Game Boy Advance for my sister on here for Christmas. Do you ever meet anyone to like buy or sell anything?

• 44:14Theo Von?

  No, people are get attacked. A buddy of mine was buying some walkie talkies or trying to sell some walkie talkies the other day and he got fucking jumped.

• 44:20Speaker 01

  Did he really?

• 44:20Theo Von?

  Yeah.

• 44:21Speaker 01

  Dude, everyone I've met from Craigslist, I just assume they die like 10 minutes after we meet. They always like seem like they're on their last leg. Every time I sell someone, I'm like, that guy's definitely dead. As soon as I like, he would buy like a car, I'm like, well, that guy's gone. That guy had a heart attack in his car.

• 44:34Theo Von?

  Dude, one time on Craigslist. We were like, we had a fireplace. I remember the first time I ever had a fireplace. So I was like, we gotta use this. Me and my friend were sharing a living room, dude. It's my buddy's apartment. So we had like put beds in the living room and we had a fireplace and they're like, let's make it nice.

• 44:50Speaker 01

  That's pretty cool. Yeah.

• 44:50Theo Von?

  What's really exciting?

• 44:52Speaker 01

  Did you ever tell people that it was your spot, but your boy was just crashing?

• 44:55Theo Von?

  Yeah, I'd say he did. From the army.

• 44:56Speaker 01

  Yeah, that's.

• 44:58Speaker 01

  Me and my friend shared a bedroom in a college, same thing. I'm like, yeah, my buddy crashed in that top bunk, man. Feel bad for the guy.

• 45:05Theo Von?

  That's what I would say. He's on leave from the army and we even had a fake army bag that was just stuffed with sheets and we put it by the extra bed. This is awesome. Make it look legit.

• 45:13Speaker 01

  That's awesome.

• 45:14Theo Von?

  But we, uh, so one day we're like, well, we, we have, we need firewood, right? So that's what you have to have. So we, we look on the thing, free firewood, right? Or something. And it's like 13 miles away. We just moved to LA. It took us an hour and 30 minutes to go get it. It was out in like Diamond Bar. And we drive all the way out there and it's just like somebody had like literally taken like a big shifter robe or something and just battered it together with a bat, beating the shit out of it with an axe. And so it's chipped up fucking wood, right? So it's, we have, we put it into my buddy's fucking hatchback, just fill this thing with chipped wood. Bring it all the way back. Dude, we burned all that wood in like 12 minutes.

• 45:51Speaker 01

  Kindling, yeah.

• 45:54Theo Von?

  It took an entire day.

• 45:56Speaker 01

  Man, that sucks.

• 45:58Theo Von?

  LA was so hard in the beginning, man. We bought a refrigerator off Craigslist.

• 46:02Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 46:03Theo Von?

  We get it home. This was on my birthday and it wouldn't go in the fuck. We were literally running against it and trying to push it in, dude. I remember leaning against it and just fucking crying, bro.

• 46:14Speaker 01

  Yeah, dude, I, I had to move myself one time and I was trying to get a box spring up to the second floor of the bedroom and it, same thing, it wouldn't fit. And it was, I dropped it, let it fall and just cried on the stairs. Same thing. It's so frustrating, dude.

• 46:27Theo Von?

  Less we forget.

• 46:28Speaker 01

  Dude, just moving and not being able to fit something. It's like, I'm like, where am I going to get another box spring from?

• 46:33Theo Von?

  Yeah.

• 46:33Speaker 01

  I just pissed off. I'm carrying this thing by myself and it's just, you just go, yeah, and you're like, dude, fuck.

• 46:39Theo Von?

  And life just winds and you just can't do it anymore.

• 46:42Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 46:43Theo Von?

  God.

• 46:43Speaker 01

  I never got a box spring either. That was just it. I just put a mattress down. I was like, thought I could have a box spring, be a normal guy.

• 46:48Theo Von?

  Yeah.

• 46:49Speaker 01

  Nah, it sucks.

• 46:50Theo Von?

  Dude, my buddy, I used to sleep under his bed for a while and he, uh, would have girls come over and they'd always go to the restroom or something before they were going to make out and he'd come in there, he'd wake me up. And he'd be like, don't fucking, uh, and he'd, but he'd wake me up and tell me to, don't wake up, right?

• 47:05Speaker 01

  Get off there.

• 47:06Theo Von?

  This is crazy like I wasn't gonna wake up. I was being asleep.

• 47:11Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 47:11Theo Von?

  He'd be like, dude, don't fucking wake up, dude. I got a chick over.

• 47:16Speaker 01

  So you were just fucking like vampire.

• 47:18Theo Von?

  I was dead asleep. Yeah. It's a hundred fifty bucks a month, dude.

• 47:21Speaker 01

  That's not bad.

• 47:22Theo Von?

  That was a great deal, man.

• 47:23Speaker 01

  Were you like for real under the bed like a like a monster or was it like a loft kind of thing? Were you like, how, how much space did you have?

• 47:32Speaker 01

  How much space did you have?

• 47:34Theo Von?

  My hand just creeps up the edge.

• 47:38Speaker 01

  Was it like the loft style setup and you were just kind of?

• 47:40Theo Von?

  No, but it was a nice bed, pretty high bed.

• 47:42Speaker 01

  Okay.

• 47:42Theo Von?

  And so, yeah, I had probably, I would say twenty inches under there.

• 47:46Speaker 01

  Not bad. Did you get scared when you woke up?

• 47:50Theo Von?

  Yeah, probably nineteen inches. A couple of times.

• 47:52Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 47:52Theo Von?

  You start to, you, you start to adapt.

• 47:56Speaker 01

  That makes sense. Cause I only have one experience. I slept at my cousin's house one time when I was little and I slept on the floor, but I like would move around while sleeping. I ended up with like half of my body under his bed and I freaked out when I woke up. So I didn't know where the fuck I was. Looked up and I was like, what the fuck?

• 48:09Theo Von?

  Yeah, scary.

• 48:10Speaker 01

  But that must've been sick to be laying under someone having sex like that.

• 48:14Theo Von?

  Yeah, well, it was, and I think Loki, he did it because he was trying to make sure I knew he was hooking up with chicks, you know? He always like, he always like did that.

• 48:23Speaker 01

  Should've gave him a little, just so he would know, just from the bottom.

• 48:27Theo Von?

  Just push a little with my legs.

• 48:28Speaker 01

  Yeah, give him a little boost. Yeah, give him a little.

• 48:32Speaker 01

  His leg pressing like a quarter inch deeper. That would've been, that would've been righteous as hell.

• 48:37Theo Von?

  That would've been cool.

• 48:38Speaker 01

  Should've been like, holy shit. It's a strength of two men. Should've loved it.

• 48:45Theo Von?

  Dude, anybody that has sex for more than probably six or seven minutes is out of their fucking mind, right?

• 48:50Speaker 01

  It's ridiculous, man.

• 48:51Theo Von?

  Thank you. I, I. I've been praying about this. I'm like, even to say it, I felt afraid to say it.

• 48:55Speaker 01

  No, we, I used to live, me and, me and Brittany lived below a couple and the guy would just for fucking like forty minutes.

• 49:04Speaker 01

  And it was just never ending. We'd be like, dude, come on, man. This isn't even sexy anymore. It was, it was just like, dude, what are you doing?

• 49:11Theo Von?

  Yeah, it's all, yeah, it's like, what are you doing?

• 49:14Speaker 01

  What is the point? Yeah, dude, just go to anything else.

• 49:17Theo Von?

  Yeah.

• 49:18Speaker 01

  I agree. I, it's, I mean, if you're really getting after it, twelve minutes, top. Twelve minutes is crazy.

• 49:23Theo Von?

  Yeah, on a par, like on a red, um.

• 49:26Speaker 01

  Six, perfect.

• 49:28Theo Von?

  Yeah.

• 49:28Speaker 01

  Yeah. One, two is like understandable.

• 49:31Theo Von?

  Yeah.

• 49:32Speaker 01

  It happens.

• 49:32Theo Von?

  You have to definitely. Yeah, I would get so nervous. Sometimes I would get off and I was like, what was that? And I'd run out of the just shit like, you know, oh, you hear that or something? I'd run out of the fucking room or something.

• 49:44Speaker 01

  Wait, what do you mean?

• 49:45Theo Von?

  Like if I would get, you know, ejaculate early or whatever.

• 49:48Speaker 01

  Oh, true. Yeah.

• 49:51Speaker 01

  Do you feel that earthquake?

• 49:52Theo Von?

  What the fuck was that? And I'd just fucking run out of the room. Come back like 10 minutes later with my clothes on, just not even saying anything.

• 49:59Speaker 01

  Although I feel like women secretly, I mean, not even secretly, they'd much prefer that than like if you just couldn't finish. It devastates women.

• 50:08Theo Von?

  If you can't finish.

• 50:08Speaker 01

  Finish, dude, they, you know, people like saying that guys are bad at being like, oh, fuck, you didn't come. But like, dude, if a dude doesn't come ever, like women, women will implode.

• 50:17Theo Von?

  But that's, I think the new move is not like just coming for just like just party coming or whatever. Like people are just coming for fun. I think that's kind of, those days are over.

• 50:28Speaker 01

  Yeah. I mean, you mean like personally or just kind of like?

• 50:31Theo Von?

  I think so for me. Yeah. Yeah. It's like, I want to just, I want to be the guy that kind of, you know, ejaculates like with a purpose or whatever.

• 50:40Speaker 01

  Yeah, build it up.

• 50:40Theo Von?

  Is that crazy? What the fuck am I talking about, dude? No, that's, that's insane.

• 50:45Theo Von?

  I think I'm Steven Douglas of fucking ejaculations, dude.

• 50:50Speaker 01

  I have the same fantasy though, where I'm like, I'm going to really like dial it in and, you know,

• 50:55Theo Von?

  Yeah.

• 50:56Speaker 01

  I'll be like tired before bed and it's like, I'm going to beat off even though I'm not horny. That's where I'm at.

• 51:00Theo Von?

  Oh.

• 51:00Speaker 01

  You're not even, you don't even want to, but you're like.

• 51:02Theo Von?

  That's sick. That's abuse really.

• 51:04Speaker 01

  It is.

• 51:04Theo Von?

  And it feels like abuse.

• 51:05Speaker 01

  Yeah. You finish and you're like, I didn't need to do that. That was, it's crazy.

• 51:09Theo Von?

  Yeah. You feel so much shame. I feel a ton of shame happens for me from watching porno.

• 51:14Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 51:14Theo Von?

  And watching myself jerk myself off.

• 51:17Speaker 01

  Watching yourself? Yeah, true.

• 51:19Theo Von?

  Yeah.

• 51:20Speaker 01

  Yeah. I mean, it's jerk, I don't mind jerking off. It's pornography for some reason. Like when it's over and I'm still watching it and I'm just like, if I can do like a memory beat, those I feel pretty guilt free. Just like when I went out in the shower, just kind of.

• 51:34Theo Von?

  Dude, I had a blind dude that lived with us for a bit and we would fucking, I saw him watching, uh, hand porn or whatever it's called.

• 51:40Speaker 01

  No. Reading like Braille erotica?

• 51:44Theo Von?

  Craziest thing ever, man. Really beautiful. Really, I mean, gay, I don't, I mean, like, yeah. I, I mean, it was what gay, it was like, you know.

• 51:55Theo Von?

  But it was pretty cool. It was like, um, trying to think of what movie.

• 51:58Speaker 01

  Braille is shaped like boobs and you're just going, oh, fuck, dude.

• 52:01Theo Von?

  Well, it was getting pretty crazy. You know?

• 52:04Speaker 01

  It's crazy.

• 52:04Theo Von?

  But it's just interesting to see, you know, it's almost like watching the nature channel.

• 52:08Speaker 01

  Yeah, that's kind of not. Oh, there you go.

• 52:10Theo Von?

  The Braille Superstore Romance.

• 52:11Speaker 01

  Fuck, dude. I want to learn Braille just so I can do this.

• 52:15Theo Von?

  Oh, yeah.

• 52:16Speaker 01

  The Love Hypothesis. Damn, their titles are very like poetic. It ends with us. It starts with us.

• 52:21Theo Von?

  Turn around and let me see that sexy body go boom.

• 52:26Theo Von?

  That's stupid.

• 52:27Speaker 01

  No, that was pretty sick.

• 52:28Theo Von?

  Yeah, that was pretty bad.

• 52:28Speaker 01

  Lessons in Chemistry, Crash and Burn. These titles are good. Oh, the Manning Sisters. What are they doing? That's probably about Eli and Peyton. Peyton getting a transplant surgery.

• 52:40Theo Von?

  Dude, is Eli, is he just get carried along by Peyton? Is Peyton the one with all the pizzazz and Eli just gets kind of carried off?

• 52:47Speaker 01

  Didn't Eli win of, did Eli win or my, Peyton definitely won Super Bowls, but I thought Elon, Eli, not Elon.

• 52:53Theo Von?

  Eli won one, yeah, with the Giants. He beat the Pats, yeah.

• 52:56Speaker 01

  And Peyton, what, Peyton won two?

• 52:59Theo Von?

  That's a good question. He won with Denver, didn't he? Yeah.

• 53:01Speaker 01

  I think so. Oh, yeah, he did. He did. Cause I would, I would have thought Peyton was definitely the guy, but apparently Eli was kind of nasty as well.

• 53:07Theo Von?

  Oh, Eli was pretty wild, man.

• 53:08Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 53:08Theo Von?

  Eli is definitely, uh, funnier to be around when I'm around the two of them.

• 53:13Speaker 01

  Really?

• 53:13Theo Von?

  I haven't been around him much. Maybe that sounds like humble bragging. It's not.

• 53:16Speaker 01

  No.

• 53:17Theo Von?

  But Peyton went to UT, so, uh, you see him sometimes like in, um, in Nashville or in Tennessee.

• 53:25Speaker 01

  Uh, Peyton, Peyton's probably.

• 53:26Theo Von?

  He's a great actor.

• 53:27Speaker 01

  He's good in those commercials, but he actually, yeah, he's pretty, he also, he probably whooped Eli's ass, dude.

• 53:32Theo Von?

  Oh, that's a great question.

• 53:33Speaker 01

  All right, dude, I can, I can tell. He definitely whooped his ass.

• 53:37Theo Von?

  That's a great question.

• 53:38Speaker 01

  Dude, I, uh, I forgot, uh, you're asking me what I've been up to. I, I've been visiting schools. I, now I have to like, look at real schools. Just my, my, you know, my, my oldest daughter's like gonna turn five, so that's like kindergarten. So yes, she has to get to like the real school system.

• 53:52Theo Von?

  Mm-hmm.

• 53:53Speaker 01

  And, uh, we were looking at this one place and they have plainclothes, just like guards now with guns. So it's kind of sick. I, I was like, dude, I really want to retire and become plainclothes, just walk around a school, just grow like a ponytail and be a teacher. That's all you do all day. You carry a gun. You just wait for like some nerd to pop off and you just blast them. Dude, that would be honorable, man.

• 54:18Theo Von?

  What if you fucking, what if you start tripping in your head and thinking that somebody's like, some kid is like plotting and shit?

• 54:25Speaker 01

  Like I'm like the true detective, I'm Russ Cole of school, school security. I'd have to wait till they, I'd have to pull out first.

• 54:33Theo Von?

  You think you would set a kid off?

• 54:37Speaker 01

  I'm sorry.

• 54:37Theo Von?

  Can you say that?

• 54:39Speaker 01

  No, I'm sad. You're saying like, get like all tripped out like, damn, is this kid getting paranoid? Like, I know these motherfuckers.

• 54:43Theo Von?

  Damien's up to some shit.

• 54:44Speaker 01

  I know these pack and, no, I would just wait. I would chill. I'd do my thing. And the moment one of those motherfuckers pulled out the steel, I would just be there. Ready to die and just walk them down.

• 54:58Speaker 01

  That's your job.

• 54:59Theo Von?

  Mr. Walk them down Crayola style.

• 55:01Speaker 01

  Walk them down, bro. And if I, you know, if I died, I'd die a fucking hero.

• 55:05Theo Von?

  You can't die, dude. Some fucking kid. You can't, you have these two hands even to hold a gun.

• 55:12Speaker 01

  What if an adult could, and sometimes like crazy adults come?

• 55:14Theo Von?

  That's true. Oh, good. Yeah, that's better. Let's frame it like that.

• 55:17Speaker 01

  It's like evil nerds or a fucking like just wild adult. Either one could get it. Yeah. Either one could get it.

• 55:23Theo Von?

  Oh.

• 55:24Speaker 01

  But it's like, dude, that would be, that would be, I was just at this school and it was like, I saw the guy, because they were like, you know, my wife said, you have security and like, we have plainclothes. I'm like, right on. Then I saw, I was like kind of sussing out like, I see people walking around.

• 55:35Theo Von?

  Yeah.

• 55:36Speaker 01

  Soon as I saw like, oh dude, I'm like, oh, there's the plainclothes security guard.

• 55:39Theo Von?

  Yeah. When I was young, we just had like a MILF with a hammer running around. We were lucky, dude.

• 55:45Speaker 01

  Yeah, we didn't have any security, man.

• 55:46Theo Von?

  Yeah.

• 55:47Speaker 01

  We didn't have shit.

• 55:48Theo Von?

  We did.

• 55:48Speaker 01

  Yeah, now you need it. Now you, dude, the plainclothes guys at the school, that would be so sick. Just walking around chilling, knowing like, yeah, dude, all I have to do is chill here.

• 55:56Theo Von?

  Listening to Desperado in your fucking AirPods?

• 55:58Speaker 01

  Nonstop. It'd be nothing but shit like that. Just fucking enter Sandman. Just, yeah, I was getting hyped for like 30 years. Just being like, let's go. Let's fucking go.

• 56:08Theo Von?

  Walking tall, machine gun man.

• 56:17Speaker 01

  Damn dude, yeah, by the end of it, I'd just be tipping my hat to the teachers like ma'am. All black leather cowboy outfit. He's like, dude, can you be a little more low key?

• 56:26Theo Von?

  Yeah, you shit once a week.

• 56:28Speaker 01

  I'd roll a tumbleweed before I walked anywhere, just kick a tumbleweed across from me.

• 56:32Theo Von?

  Bro, people should have their own tumbleweeds, right?

• 56:35Speaker 01

  Yeah, dude, just throw it on a string, just fish it.

• 56:38Theo Von?

  Yeah, a hero, a hero should have a couple tumbleweeds in front of him, dude.

• 56:43Speaker 01

  True, just fucking give it, I would just kick it as I walk.

• 56:45Theo Von?

  Or even if some twink's dressed up like in hay and stuff.

• 56:48Speaker 01

  That'd be nice, that'd be nice.

• 56:50Theo Von?

  Spinning around.

• 56:50Speaker 01

  Like a Tonto.

• 56:55Speaker 01

  Yeah, that was fucking killing me, dude. I kept fucking with my wife. I was like, bro. I love, that's the one thing, we went to Chicago and she was like crushing me, cause she's from there. So like when we were visiting, her family was like, you gotta be careful now, like. And like there, there's, they kept calling them like the hop out boys, which, you know, you shouldn't give these guys like a cool name like that, but they're like, dude, you're just hopping out of cars with AR-15s and just carjacking people. So my wife was telling me about it the whole time. She hates when I do this, but I'll be like, bro, I wish a motherfucker would pop out of me with that thing. She's like, dude, it's not funny. It's very serious. I was like, bro, it'd be the worst day of that guy's life. She's like, would you please stop? This is serious. I was like, I wish one of those motherfuckers would. And the whole time we were there, I was like, please, please, those guys don't come. But yeah, you gotta.

• 57:35Theo Von?

  Did you have, you got a piece on you?

• 57:37Speaker 01

  No, I didn't have anything. I told her, I told her I was gonna grab the barrel and tie it in a knot and be like, get the fuck out of here, you punk.

• 57:45Theo Von?

  Your wife is gonna be holding the blood into your body, dude.

• 57:49Speaker 01

  I just say that to fuck with her. In the reality, I would, I would have fucking bailed out. I'm like, all right, you guys, you can have the fuck, the car and the family. I'm out of here, dude.

• 57:56Theo Von?

  Do you think a wife likes it if the husband has a gun on him?

• 57:58Speaker 01

  Definitely.

• 57:59Theo Von?

  These days.

• 58:00Speaker 01

  I think they love that shit. I mean, dude, like you could get the most like lib lady, but she's not love. All libs secretly, I think I've even talked about this before, all libs secretly want just a red pill badass. In my experience.

• 58:12Theo Von?

  Well.

• 58:13Speaker 01

  They want a dude with a gun. I went to social work school. They, a lot of the women there secretly had like deeply conservative husbands who worked as like financial guys. And these, they were all like, you know.

• 58:22Theo Von?

  They just do it because they feel like somebody has to promote what would be idealistic. I mean, that's what a lot of like, I guess. I don't know. I mean, a lot of people's view, it's just like this. Ideally, yes, it would be awesome, but some of them, it's just not practical. It's like, like I have friends that like, um. Will talk to me about like, we guys have guns there in America and stuff like that. And it's just dangerous. And why can't you guys figure that out? And people want to have their guns. It's like, there's no way to not have it.

• 58:50Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 58:51Theo Von?

  The bad guys have guns.

• 58:53Speaker 01

  Already. It's too late.

• 58:54Theo Von?

  If you do a gun drive, the good guys are just gonna give their guns away.

• 58:58Speaker 01

  I know. You just have to have them, dude.

• 59:00Theo Von?

  And what are you gonna call a policeman who does, if he doesn't have a gun, he's not coming to help you.

• 59:04Speaker 01

  He's done. Yeah, exactly.

• 59:06Theo Von?

  What do you think if you're gonna drive by and honk at you guys while you're getting beaten or shot in the yard?

• 59:11Speaker 01

  Yeah, you can't really do anything about it, but I, I do think, yeah, I think if.

• 59:15Theo Von?

  But ideally, yes, it'd be great if there weren't like.

• 59:17Speaker 01

  I wish there weren't.

• 59:17Theo Von?

  Right. But that has to go away quickly.

• 59:20Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 59:21Theo Von?

  Because there are people shooting each other all the time.

• 59:24Speaker 01

  Oh, yeah.

• 59:24Theo Von?

  So you have to get past that idea.

• 59:27Speaker 01

  Yeah. Yeah. You're not going to be able to, the, the technology change is gonna have to be an interchange because the guns are there. Criminals are gonna have them. And it's like, yeah, like, what do you want to not have one when a criminal with a gun comes to you?

• 59:38Theo Von?

  Yeah.

• 59:38Speaker 01

  Or the government has to be the one who takes them. And then that's a whole other can of worms because it's like, we're not giving you my fucking guns.

• 59:44Theo Von?

  Fuck no.

• 59:46Speaker 01

  Yeah. So it's a, you know.

• 59:49Theo Von?

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• 1:00:33Theo Von?

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• 1:01:18Theo Von?

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• 1:02:02Theo Von?

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• 1:02:29Speaker 01

  It's a tricky thing, although I, you know, it's a, right now, a lot of people are gloating on the libs. I don't want to gloat on the libs. A lot of people are gloating on them because of Trump got elected.

• 1:02:36Theo Von?

  Yeah, me neither.

• 1:02:37Speaker 01

  I'm not, I'm not gloating on the libs.

• 1:02:38Theo Von?

  I'm not into that.

• 1:02:40Speaker 01

  No, I'm not into that at all. I think we're in a, dude, how did the Ken Wilber thing go, by the way?

• 1:02:43Theo Von?

  Oh, yeah. Ken Wilber, uh, super interesting guy.

• 1:02:47Speaker 01

  He is the best take on this whole situation.

• 1:02:49Theo Von?

  On the, uh,

• 1:02:50Speaker 01

  Cultural, cultural war.

• 1:02:51Theo Von?

  Yeah, I don't know if I talked to you about that. It was a lot of listening and learning.

• 1:02:55Speaker 01

  Was it a lot of stuff?

• 1:02:56Theo Von?

  Yeah, we, we, but we worked together to make it as effective conversation as we could.

• 1:03:00Speaker 01

  Nice.

• 1:03:01Theo Von?

  But it was really cool, um, uh, just learning about like his philosophy of how like we're as a, as a species, we are evolving. And as, uh, and over time, we're just advancing.

• 1:03:13Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:03:14Theo Von?

  So how those affect you personally and how, and, and how you, I fucking don't.

• 1:03:20Speaker 01

  Dude, well, his thing is, no, dude, so it's fucking, did he get into like how there's like holarchies and?

• 1:03:25Theo Von?

  Some of it.

• 1:03:25Speaker 01

  There's like cells and cells turn into like organisms, organisms turn into humans, you know, blah, blah, blah.

• 1:03:30Theo Von?

  Yeah, we started going up the chain of command, right? And then also how we're advancing as.

• 1:03:34Speaker 01

  And our worldviews are doing the same thing where we had like, you know, like medieval rulers into democracies. And then the libs are the leading edge of cultural evolution where it's like everything's being more and more inclusive physically and worldview, you know, in terms of worldview.

• 1:03:48Theo Von?

  Yeah.

• 1:03:48Speaker 01

  Just the libs lost the plot, or they call it the green wave, lost the plot because they include everybody but like, you know, Trump, white type Trump voters.

• 1:03:58Theo Von?

  Yeah.

• 1:03:58Speaker 01

  And the whole thing's collapsing in on itself. All they have to do is just love everybody.

• 1:04:02Theo Von?

  Yeah.

• 1:04:02Speaker 01

  And they'd have the commit, they'd have the superior worldview.

• 1:04:05Theo Von?

  It's a good point, actually. I think a lot of people did. I mean, I don't know, dude, I was a Democrat. I mean, like, I got so angry when they did that stuff to Bernie, you know, like, I mean, my dad was an old man, so I, to me, it also registered like somebody taking advantage of an older person. So that shit, like, at that point for me, I was just like, what's going on here? And then, um, I, I am super concerned about like the, uh, big pharma and medicine just using us all and not caring that we're human beings. Like, yes, there's a lot of medicine that's helping people, but also like everybody shouldn't be on a, on a medicine.

• 1:04:42Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:04:42Theo Von?

  You know, and, um,

• 1:04:43Speaker 01

  There's some commercials for medicines. They don't even say what it does.

• 1:04:45Theo Von?

  Yeah.

• 1:04:46Speaker 01

  Then you look it up and it's like, It's for like heart failure and you're like, why the fuck you this is a baseball game, dude? I'm not gonna be like, yo, can I get that heart failure medication?

• 1:04:55Theo Von?

  Yeah.

• 1:04:55Speaker 01

  You have to request it.

• 1:04:56Theo Von?

  The wheelchair gum or whatever. There's all kinds of shit. Now you're like, who, what would he even need that for? Yeah.

• 1:05:01Speaker 01

  But yeah, that's, that's, that's the big standoff right now. It's like.

• 1:05:04Theo Von?

  So I liked RFK. He was kind of the guy that I thought was neat.

• 1:05:06Speaker 01

  Me too. I'm into him.

• 1:05:08Theo Von?

  Yeah.

• 1:05:08Speaker 01

  I like the fact that he's doing all that stuff against all those things.

• 1:05:10Theo Von?

  And then I think, um, I don't think we have the same parties anymore. I don't feel like it's Democrats and Republicans anymore. There's something else happening.

• 1:05:17Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:05:17Theo Von?

  And it's gonna keep morphing.

• 1:05:19Speaker 01

  Well, that's the Wilbur stuff is that the green, it was like, orange is like the business science wave and the green wave was the one, it's like in terms of worldviews. You could have like, what he called red was like ethnocentric. That was what he called Trump. It's like, it's, there's things that speak to like ethnocentric ideals where people get to the point where they can only recognize like people that look like them. They can only care about people who look like them, which is like a reality for a lot of people all across the world. It's like, you know, every country, and every country is like, we have the best food. We have the most beautiful, everybody, you know, does this. And then his whole theories that you slowly grow out of it to more complex and inclusive worldviews. But it was again, it was like that, the thing that crushed, uh, like the, like the, what Jordan, Peter, uh, Jordan, Peter, what the fuck's his name? Jordan.

• 1:06:00Theo Von?

  Jordan Peterson.

• 1:06:01Speaker 01

  Jordan Peterson, Jesus Christ. His whole thing we call like post-modern neo-Marxism is that green wave Ken Wilber talks about where it's like the leading edge where all the colleges are like radical inclusivity. But all they have to do is go, Trump, guys, you're cool too. That's all they have to do. They can't do it. And now the whole thing's just imploding on itself.

• 1:06:19Theo Von?

  So that's the part that makes you start to think, do they just hate like white men? But for me, it's like, in, in three generations, it's like, I always say like beige power, like everybody's gonna be beige, right? In three generations, everybody's gonna be like, you know, Ben Simmons, Blake Griffins, you know, Penguin people, you know?

• 1:06:37Speaker 01

  For sure.

• 1:06:37Theo Von?

  Mixed.

• 1:06:38Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:06:38Theo Von?

  And so it's just kind of weird. How do we want to operate that in the meantime? Right?

• 1:06:43Speaker 01

  Exactly.

• 1:06:44Theo Von?

  But then I think when people get scared, um, especially with like threats of war, uh, fears, they start to, they want to gravitate towards whatever is their, seemed like their people.

• 1:06:54Speaker 01

  Yeah, like prison. Prison's the same thing. You go to prison, everyone's bait, you know, it's all like based on race and all that stuff.

• 1:06:59Theo Von?

  Yeah. And then, but, but everybody is a Jelly Roll fan, you know?

• 1:07:03Speaker 01

  True. That's true. That's true.

• 1:07:04Theo Von?

  Which is pretty crazy, dude.

• 1:07:08Speaker 01

  Well, dude, it's like, yeah, they were they felt, you know, this is like if you didn't the well, it's hard to explain without like seeing the Wilbur thing, but it's like if you take what they what's called like a lib or, you know, a postmodern neo marx, whatever they want to call it, like people who are, you know, like a radical feminist, they built their their thing was right in being like, we should be nice to everybody. We shouldn't be mean to gay people. We shouldn't be mean to minorities. They're totally correct. The problem was they went, and the reason everything's so bad, they're like, we hate racism in every form, every type of discrimination, and it's all because of white people. And it just like went right back downward. Now you're just being racist in a more sophisticated fashion. Right. And that's the whole thing. That's why it's not, if it's a truly like visionary and

• 1:07:49Speaker 01

  leading like kind of like evolutionary tip of like our spiral upward into like complexity and greater wholeness, people would get on board. Right. And maybe that's the next step. That's the next step is like being like, okay, here's all the good stuff from your worldview. And we're going to apply that to everybody. And rather than being like, this is the reason everything's fucked up is because blah, blah, blah. Because it's like.

• 1:08:09Theo Von?

  Yeah. And that's another thing. I mean, that's one thing that kind of gets worried worried about Trump. It's like, is he gonna be a is that is the pointing fingers? Is that shit end, you know? Is that kind of end? And so.

• 1:08:19Speaker 01

  It is for now, but it's like, I think they're good RFK smart where he's kind of like, I don't want to participate in any of this stuff. Yeah. And hopefully he'll kind of get up in his ear because it, I mean, it is so sweet slamming the libs. I will give it. There's I get like a, when I see the libs get owned, I do.

• 1:08:33Theo Von?

  And what is the libs? The liberals?

• 1:08:34Speaker 01

  Yeah, it's just like, there's like on the internet, like liberals owned liberal slam. And it's like you watch, they do those like, uh, you know, they do those like 25 students versus like Ben Shapiro. Yeah, that's like slamming the libs porn where it's like him just like taking on 19 year olds and like, actually, you don't know anything about that. And then everyone's just like, tell them Ben fucking crushed the libs. And I will, there's a dark part of my heart that's like, yes, when I watch that.

• 1:08:55Theo Von?

  Ben sitting there's got that hair wallet on.

• 1:08:59Speaker 01

  Dude, they did one of them where they make people run to the chair to tap the chair so that they get the chance to debate him and it's dude, it's embarrassing. People are like tripping over themselves to hit the chair and be like, actually Ben, I think you're a fucking asshole. And he's like, next. I'm like, dude, don't run to the chair. You're an adult. They're like diving for it. Just to be like, actually Ben, if you ever threw it. It's like, so I've been trying to remove, I know I have a bias towards that and I've been trying to like, remove that from my YouTube.

• 1:09:23Theo Von?

  Watching that stuff? Yeah.

• 1:09:24Speaker 01

  Not that, that stuff I'm like, whatever on, but it's like, I will watch like news clips where like liberals meltdown about and I'll be like, well, check this out. And I'll be like, I've been trying to erase that because I'm like, it's not good. It's not good. And it's just stupid.

• 1:09:37Theo Von?

  Yeah. I mean, I don't know. I don't care. Like, I just want, like, I don't know. Some shit just started to get really weird. I, I, I think, well, Kamala wouldn't come on podcasts, right? I thought that that was weird. It was like, and we asked and they said, well, do you guys give final edit, right? And they asked, did Trump ask for final edit? You know?

• 1:09:56Speaker 01

  Did he?

• 1:09:57Theo Von?

  No. They didn't ask for anything.

• 1:09:59Speaker 01

  They shouldn't, dude.

• 1:09:59Theo Von?

  They didn't ask for anything. J D Vance showed up. Dude, there were snipers on the ice. I, I stayed up late, like trying to get some questions together and think of some things. Um, and we invited everybody. Those were the, them, Bernie Sanders and Mark Cuban came on. He was very much like a, um, uh, Democrat or left leaning. But he gets something. I didn't realize he gets, if, if they won, he'd get, there's a business incentive, you know? I didn't realize that. Some of these things I'm learning as I go, right?

• 1:10:28Speaker 01

  It's typically with billionaires. Yeah. When they're like, when they're involved in politics, it usually is like.

• 1:10:32Theo Von?

  Yeah. I didn't realize that. I'm like, oh, people aren't just out there hurrahing for no reason. There's some reason.

• 1:10:36Speaker 01

  Yeah. He's not freaking out over like banned books and schools. He's like, I need you to, you know, build a railroad from here to there, whatever the fuck he's up to.

• 1:10:43Theo Von?

  Yeah. But we had common ground and like just different thoughts and stuff and definitely inspiring to be able to talk to people like that. But I woke, so I wake up that morning and it was like an hour until the thing. And I was like, I had to get in the fricking ice bath. I gotta make sure I'm in a decent mood. Yeah. Try to do something to get hyped.

• 1:10:58Speaker 01

  Do you get spun out when you have level, a guest of that high profile?

• 1:11:02Theo Von?

  Yeah, man.

• 1:11:03Speaker 01

  I get fucking, I get crunched, dude. I can't handle it, man. We had RFK on, I could barely like formulate a sentence.

• 1:11:08Theo Von?

  Wow. And neither can he though, which is great. That's a joke, Bobby. He'll laugh at it. He will. He'll laugh at it. Dude, watch. Suddenly he fucking fixes his own voice, dude. That's.

• 1:11:19Speaker 01

  It's over, dude. It's over. It's over. And it's dude, and it's like, yeah, imagine he is such, he'd be such, he's such an electrifying speaker and thinker anyway, but yeah, it's, that works against him.

• 1:11:30Theo Von?

  He's been in it. Yeah. Yeah. But so, but I wake up, there's fucking, I go in the ice bath, there's like Secret Service ever. They had drapes, put drapes, black drapes in front of the house, right? They shut down exits off the interstate. I had no idea.

• 1:11:43Speaker 01

  Shut down the whole city.

• 1:11:44Theo Von?

  Bro, I had no idea. There's snipers on the roof, on the roof, full tactical gear. I'll put pictures in the YouTube.

• 1:11:53Speaker 01

  Holy shit.

• 1:11:54Theo Von?

  And then, uh, oh, my neighbor, right? I fucking look at my phone. He's like, what's up? Are you? And he, they put blank, like just underlines. And I, they thought it was one of those things where like a suicide in the house, like, like they were sending people in to get, like I was taking my own life at home.

• 1:12:14Speaker 01

  That's how we asked you if you killed yourself? Is it, are you?

• 1:12:17Theo Von?

  Well, he sent like four messages. And so at that point, it was like already 11. I slept in, I was up till probably three, just like getting my questions ready. So I was like, I have to make sure I sleep. And, uh, he's like, dude, we were so scared, man. He's like, cause we saw them like, they thought they were rappelling into the home. And, um, I was like, what?

• 1:12:36Speaker 01

  Thought I killed myself?

• 1:12:40Speaker 01

  We just assumed you fucking killed yourself, so.

• 1:12:43Theo Von?

  Yeah, that's. Oh, and they had a van outside that some weird term on it, like threw people off.

• 1:12:47Speaker 01

  Yeah, and the black curtains around your house would be.

• 1:12:50Theo Von?

  Yeah, I think people thought, but that's what people thought.

• 1:12:52Speaker 01

  That makes sense. That kind of makes more sense.

• 1:12:53Theo Von?

  It was morgues, you know?

• 1:12:55Speaker 01

  Yeah, it was like so gruesome that they were like, we gotta.

• 1:12:57Theo Von?

  But they also had this like Stan's Bakery van or something. It was definitely, they kind of like play this old cat and like, what is kind of fucking happening here?

• 1:13:06Speaker 01

  That's crazy.

• 1:13:07Theo Von?

  It was super crazy, dude.

• 1:13:08Speaker 01

  Stan's Bakery used to have snipers. I'm like, yeah, we just gotta get these cupcakes in. We'll be right, we'll be right back.

• 1:13:13Theo Von?

  There's some wake treats. Just, uh, there's a viewing of the body. Hey, first come, first served, guys. Dude, that was crazy though. That was one of the craziest things that had ever happened. Um, for sure. But he comes in and I was like, hey, man, thanks for coming. I was like, uh, you know, just want to let you know, we don't have any, we're not like a gotcha type of show.

• 1:13:34Speaker 01

  For sure.

• 1:13:35Theo Von?

  Just looking forward to having a nice conversation, which is what I tell anybody.

• 1:13:38Speaker 01

  Yep.

• 1:13:39Theo Von?

  And, um, he's like, whatever, man. It's all good.

• 1:13:42Speaker 01

  Yes.

• 1:13:42Theo Von?

  Let's have a chat. And that was it. And it was fun. You know?

• 1:13:46Speaker 01

  Yeah, man.

• 1:13:47Theo Von?

  It was interesting.

• 1:13:48Speaker 01

  Yeah, I feel bad. Everyone's so still hyped up about this stuff. I honestly think if you look at it.

• 1:13:52Theo Von?

  I hate when people lose anything. You know, it's tough when there's a winner and a loser.

• 1:13:55Speaker 01

  Dude, I was in a, I was in the grocery store the day of, I guess like they got elected the night and then, you know, in like three in the morning and whatever. He like, he won at three in the morning. And then, uh, I was in the grocery store the next day and they have like magazines in the grocery store. This magazine was just Kamala or Kamala. And it was just a picture of her. I didn't even know what magazine it was. It was just her name and her. I got like real sad for her. I was like, damn dude, that's so bad. If I like just lost, I saw like a magazine with just me on it, I'd be, I'd cry.

• 1:14:23Theo Von?

  Yeah.

• 1:14:24Speaker 01

  So I felt pretty bad for her. I was like, damn, that really sucks for that lady. She just, I mean, that dude, that I, people, they've spent, I think a billion dollars on the campaign.

• 1:14:33Theo Von?

  It just shows you that it's must, but also then if that's the, if say, okay, they spend that much on a campaign, right? Both these sides spend a ton of money.

• 1:14:42Theo Von?

  But if the, if there's just like these powers in the background doing thing, it's just like, why would they, if it's not even real, say the office isn't even, you know, it's just for show.

• 1:14:50Speaker 01

  True.

• 1:14:51Theo Von?

  It just seems like you wouldn't waste that much money. So there must really be.

• 1:14:55Speaker 01

  I think there is, man. I think there really is. You get in and it's like.

• 1:14:58Theo Von?

  Power in it.

• 1:14:58Speaker 01

  It's just teams. Yeah. It's like you're on this team. This is on that team. You know, could it all be organized? It's like, that would be pretty elaborate to, you know, like set it all up when you could reality just be like, yeah, we're, you know, we're putting this guy in, have, they could just have the coolest guy ever.

• 1:15:12Theo Von?

  Just come up.

• 1:15:12Speaker 01

  Right. Every time.

• 1:15:12Speaker 01

  Be like, yo, we love this guy. And they can meanwhile just be doing whatever. But yeah, dude, I think, I guess it all is real, you know? I think it's, it's real and they just. There's like groups and lobbyists and certain, I don't, I don't, that's where I kind of lose it.

• 1:15:25Theo Von?

  It was interesting, that's for sure. And I'll, I'll say who made the whole thing happen. Oh, Kamala reportedly spent a hundred thousand dollars on building a set for her appearance on Call Her Daddy.

• 1:15:35Speaker 01

  Like dude, why?

• 1:15:36Theo Von?

  Here's a setting question. So they rebuilt, they rebuilt their own set, I guess.

• 1:15:40Speaker 01

  Well, cause they wanted, I think a host to come to her. So I think she didn't want to go anywhere. So she built the set.

• 1:15:46Theo Von?

  But I wonder if she has.

• 1:15:47Speaker 01

  That's such a, I mean, you know, it's just kind of weird. It's like, just go there.

• 1:15:51Theo Von?

  Right. I wonder if she may have a, um, thing where she doesn't like going, like sometimes I don't like sleeping at people's houses or whatever. You know what I'm talking about?

• 1:16:01Theo Von?

  Wonder if she has that.

• 1:16:02Speaker 01

  She can't shit anywhere else but her house, maybe. Could be.

• 1:16:05Theo Von?

  Which is where people should shit. People who are like transient shit.

• 1:16:09Speaker 01

  Amen. Amen.

• 1:16:11Theo Von?

  Sorry.

• 1:16:12Speaker 01

  I agree though, but I always want to be home. That's my thing. I always want to be, I'm getting a little, I was like, pretty guarded about that, but now I'm like just letting it rip. I've been flying more. So I'm just kind of like, whatever, man. But I, I do agree. Home is where, it's where the heart is truly. Like I do want to shit at home every time.

• 1:16:28Theo Von?

  Yeah.

• 1:16:28Speaker 01

  I agree with you there.

• 1:16:29Theo Von?

  You should get more, like you should get like money back or something. If you shit at home.

• 1:16:34Speaker 01

  You should dude.

• 1:16:35Theo Von?

  Right.

• 1:16:35Speaker 01

  You should be a taxidermist, like a credit or something.

• 1:16:37Theo Von?

  Yeah.

• 1:16:38Speaker 01

  Cause it is, but it's dude, just, I also the, the violence of shitting that's occurring in airport bathroom, it's like, it's upsetting. People are shitting so hard in those, I, we, I mean, we, I don't know why we're back to this, but.

• 1:16:52Theo Von?

  Oh, people are shitting at top speed.

• 1:16:53Speaker 01

  It's crazy.

• 1:16:54Theo Von?

  That's the craziest thing to me to ever is when somebody shits at full blast speed. Like, are you out of your mind? You're going to hurt yourself.

• 1:17:01Speaker 01

  I, I, from what I like, from hearing, from hearing in public bathrooms, most people are. I'm in there just having like religious experiences, just being there. It's like, ugh.

• 1:17:11Theo Von?

  Yeah.

• 1:17:11Speaker 01

  Like full ayahuasca dumpster. It's like blowing it out. It's crazy.

• 1:17:16Theo Von?

  Wow. Just slanging disciples out of your butt.

• 1:17:19Speaker 01

  Everyone's fucked up, dude.

• 1:17:20Theo Von?

  Oh.

• 1:17:20Speaker 01

  They need barbecue candy to get all the crap out of the food. I was shitting to death in the bathroom.

• 1:17:25Theo Von?

  But bro, how, I, there's also a part of me that I feel like, do you think we can get more together? Or do you think we should just have two Americas? Do you think?

• 1:17:35Speaker 01

  No, dude, we're, we're like, people don't realize it, but we're, the parties are rubbing off on each other so much. Like.

• 1:17:42Theo Von?

  Now like, like, well, most people want the same stuff.

• 1:17:45Speaker 01

  Most people do, but I'm saying like the Republicans now have been so like, let's say conservatives are so annoyed by liberals that now they're like going out of their way to be so not racist. Like, oh yeah, you think we're racist? Check this out. We're going to employ like 47 black dudes now. How do you like, they're doing almost, I mean, I'm not saying they're doing it despite them, but it's like, they have gotten just way more inclusive, like every, you know, like the conservatives and everything. Before it was like only, pretty much only all white guys. Now there's a lot of different people in like the conservative movement.

• 1:18:14Theo Von?

  Oh, yeah.

• 1:18:14Speaker 01

  Liberals bring stuff up. The conservatives like shut the fuck up. And then they actually do kind of do a lot of the stuff, but you know, not even realizing it.

• 1:18:21Theo Von?

  Yeah.

• 1:18:22Speaker 01

  So they're kind of both like bouncing each other. People, you know, they're all just caught up in like the, like the primal and tribal aspect of it, but it's like, things are going pretty fucking well, dude.

• 1:18:31Theo Von?

  Oh, first female White House Chief of Staff in history.

• 1:18:34Speaker 01

  Yeah, dude, like all this stuff is happening because it's like they're like, well.

• 1:18:37Theo Von?

  That's amazing. Suzie Wiles.

• 1:18:39Speaker 03

  And she's Pat Summerall, John Madden's former broadcast partner's daughter.

• 1:18:43Theo Von?

  Oh, interesting.

• 1:18:46Speaker 01

  Yeah, dude, I'm telling you, once we just like stop the nonsense of like bitterly arguing about everything, it's going to be pretty chill.

• 1:18:52Theo Von?

  Yeah. Ben Carson, I think he's going to put back into, I like some of his ideas.

• 1:18:56Speaker 01

  B Carson? Yeah, that guy's kind of cool. He's like a surgeon.

• 1:18:58Theo Von?

  Oh, rise and shine Carson, dude. That guy, he's fucking dead asleep.

• 1:19:03Speaker 01

  I like the guy, uh.

• 1:19:04Theo Von?

  His blood, bro, he's got his blood pressure is fucking, bro.

• 1:19:08Speaker 01

  Who's the guy, uh?

• 1:19:08Theo Von?

  It's just like a synth drum. It's fucking, not much popping, dude.

• 1:19:13Speaker 01

  The one dude I like Byron something, he's a, uh, he's a black conservative guy from Florida.

• 1:19:17Theo Von?

  Byron Davis?

• 1:19:18Speaker 01

  Byron, I think Byron, is it Byron Davis? He's nice. That guy's, I saw he was on the Breakfast Club. No, not Byron Davis. He plays basketball. The, uh, Byron, he's a, like a governor from, there he is, my bro right there, Byron Donalds. That's a, that's a good bro right there.

• 1:19:35Theo Von?

  Well, it's, it's definitely interesting to see that everything's getting diverse. What was that tweet that Adam McKay had? I thought that that was something when I read that, it resonated with me.

• 1:19:45Theo Von?

  I think, um.

• 1:19:47Speaker 01

  I don't know, but yeah, dude, like I said, it's like.

• 1:19:49Speaker 03

  I have it one second.

• 1:19:51Speaker 01

  Yeah, I do. Like I said, I think people are getting real doom and gloom, but it's like, I'm of the minority opinion. I think things are gonna get pretty sweet, actually.

• 1:19:58Theo Von?

  Yeah. Who would have guessed lying about Biden's cognitive health for two years? That shit made me so mad, dude. Just taking advantage of an old man? Like, it's just not cool. You know what I'm saying? His family shouldn't have allowed it.

• 1:20:10Speaker 01

  I know, dude.

• 1:20:11Theo Von?

  You know, it's just not cool, because then you're lying to him also, right? So you're placating him, like, you're just, you're using, it just, it seems like cruelty to a human, right? Refusing to do an open conversation for a new nominee, never mentioning public healthcare, embracing fracking, and a year-long slaughter of children in Gaza. That's, that to me was one thing that definitely was like...

• 1:20:32Speaker 01

  Yeah, they blew it so hard. I mean, again, if you were...

• 1:20:35Theo Von?

  Some of the stuff I don't know, but the children in Gaza thing, and I think just taking advantage of Biden, it just felt like, is this party really doing this? Or are they, what's happening here?

• 1:20:45Speaker 01

  Well, it's like, all they had to do was, if she could have came out and been like, "Bro, we all saw it. Dude's old as hell," you know?

• 1:20:52Theo Von?

  Right, and pretended like he wasn't.

• 1:20:53Speaker 01

  "Let's not fuck it." Instead, she was like, "He's fine." Like, "Why did they take him out?" It's like, you can't do that. All they had to do, like, "Obviously, the dude is fucking going nuts and getting old. Come on, let's move on." It was just, they were just lying. You remember when someone's lying and you're like, "Dude, you're bullshitting me." It was just that, and everyone could see it. And it was just like... And now, too, with, you know, not to, you know, fluff the podcasting too much, but it's like, now, they can't go on like the SoundBuddy little things. They have to go sit down and like answer actual questions. And people now, like, I didn't know, I couldn't tell what interviews were edited when I was younger. Now, people are like more savvy about media, so they're able to be like, "Oh, that's, that was a weird jump." They cut something out, and they go, "Well, here's the whole thing."

• 1:21:33Theo Von?

  Yeah.

• 1:21:33Speaker 01

  So now, you have to be able to sit down and actually communicate, rather than like hitting talking points and like, engineering, you know, people's ideas on things.

• 1:21:40Theo Von?

  Do you think that Rogan's endorsement helped Trump win, or do you think it had any effect?

• 1:21:46Speaker 01

  I don't, it didn't hurt, but I think it, uh, it didn't hurt, but it hit, just what he does, I think, helped him win for sure. It's like having... Setting a standard where like politicians now have to go sit down for at least a two hour conversation.

• 1:22:00Theo Von?

  Yeah, because really what he did over the past years is just investigate him and he asked so many questions about everything to all types of people. So you learn so much.

• 1:22:08Speaker 01

  And he's not a gotcha guy either. So he's good at just being like, like, help me understand this. And that's when people really get kind of flushed out where it's like, if they're not making sense, and you know, he's, he's pretty adamant about like, I don't get that. That doesn't make sense. You know, I'm a weak interviewer. I'll be like, okay, I think it won't make sense. That's cool.

• 1:22:25Theo Von?

  I get burnt out. I get exhausted. He's, dude, I was in there yesterday and it was like, I was just like, I feel like I've been kind of losing my mind this week.

• 1:22:34Speaker 01

  Really?

• 1:22:34Theo Von?

  Yeah, I don't know what was going on. I just was like, getting like a lot of paranoia.

• 1:22:39Speaker 01

  It's the worst. Yeah.

• 1:22:40Theo Von?

  And, uh, I don't know if I met it. I don't know if I missed a day. I don't know what happened. But I was like, fucking thought I was going crazy yesterday. It's kind of crazy. We have days when you start asking people like, am I okay? You know, that's a weird thing.

• 1:22:52Speaker 01

  Yeah, that is. It's so hard to explain, but I'll just be like walking sometimes and I'll just get like a feeling where I'm like, bro, I'm fucking losing it right now. And it's like, that is the worst.

• 1:23:02Theo Von?

  Yeah, and it just kept spinning the whole day. And it was like, the whole day was like that, man. And then I had to go in there and I felt very nervous. So then you felt like you're under a microscope.

• 1:23:11Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:23:11Theo Von?

  And, um, yeah.

• 1:23:13Speaker 01

  What do you, what do you do to keep yourself kind of on the square? Is there like a, any kind of program or is it?

• 1:23:17Theo Von?

  Yeah, usually go to AA meetings. Uh, that helps.

• 1:23:21Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:23:21Theo Von?

  Do yoga. I got, I got, I got hurt a couple, like a month ago. Some guy squeezed me after a football game. I was in, when Vanderbilt beat Alabama, I was there. And this guy just squeezed me so much.

• 1:23:32Speaker 01

  What?

• 1:23:33Theo Von?

  And then all the players, some guy on the sidelines.

• 1:23:35Speaker 01

  No.

• 1:23:36Theo Von?

  Yeah, some devoutness brother had really squeezed me. I mean, like I was a fucking, like he was going to brush his teeth with me right after.

• 1:23:43Speaker 01

  That sucks.

• 1:23:43Theo Von?

  He got it. Yeah, I was just like, ah.

• 1:23:46Speaker 01

  Where, where'd it get you?

• 1:23:48Theo Von?

  Over here is rib.

• 1:23:48Speaker 01

  Ah, fuck, yeah.

• 1:23:50Theo Von?

  But then all the players are just one and they were, and they were, and then everybody squeezed me, dude.

• 1:23:54Speaker 01

  Yeah, they're fucked. So you couldn't do the yoga?

• 1:23:57Theo Von?

  For like, yeah, for weeks. And so then my mental starts going down.

• 1:23:59Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:24:00Theo Von?

  That's us right there.

• 1:24:01Speaker 01

  Yeah, that's pretty.

• 1:24:02Theo Von?

  That's Cheryl Junior right there, I believe.

• 1:24:04Speaker 01

  That's amazing, dude.

• 1:24:05Theo Von?

  We got that coach Clark Lee, oh, that Skinner Junior right there.

• 1:24:08Speaker 01

  Damn, that thing's pretty heavy too, man. Those coolers aren't.

• 1:24:10Theo Von?

  Yeah, decent amount of water in it.

• 1:24:12Speaker 01

  Nice. Oh, you got Leo too.

• 1:24:13Theo Von?

  We got him. He's cool.

• 1:24:14Speaker 01

  That's awesome.

• 1:24:16Theo Von?

  That's fucking awesome.

• 1:24:17Speaker 01

  Damn, so you just got squeezed by the strongest dudes in the country.

• 1:24:20Theo Von?

  Yes. Yeah, that's what happened. And then, so yeah, but anyway, I'm, yeah, I'm not whining about it, but it just like, you can't do anything, bro. You go to open your refrigerator and that suction on the refrigerator. Oh, that hurts.

• 1:24:30Speaker 01

  Yeah, when your ribs are fucked up, it hurts to breathe every breath. You're like, fuck.

• 1:24:34Theo Von?

  Yeah. And then you're pushing on the side of your body while you're doing everything.

• 1:24:37Speaker 01

  Nah.

• 1:24:38Theo Von?

  So you're walking around like this all day. And like you're fucking like one of these guys like putting away a pocket watch or something like in the twenties or whatever, like that little handicap peanut that they fucking send out there.

• 1:24:48Speaker 01

  Yeah. And you, and there's nothing you can do when your ribs hurt. There's no like sling or you can just, you have to.

• 1:24:53Theo Von?

  No.

• 1:24:53Speaker 01

  And yoga is just so much breathing. Every breath you'd be like, and then you do like the, like this thing.

• 1:24:58Theo Von?

  Oh, that would hurt. So, yeah, just that, it was just, and I was just kind of losing my mind, dude. So then you go in there and you're like, am I saying crazy shit?

• 1:25:05Speaker 01

  Fuck dude.

• 1:25:06Theo Von?

  Started to get real paranoid.

• 1:25:07Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:25:08Theo Von?

  Um, I will say this though. I think the person that won that election, I think the person that changed it was Dana White.

• 1:25:14Speaker 01

  Really?

• 1:25:14Theo Von?

  Undeniably.

• 1:25:16Speaker 01

  That's, why do you think that?

• 1:25:17Theo Von?

  Because he got Trump in the podcasts. He made it happen. He, um, he did it.

• 1:25:25Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:25:25Theo Von?

  He, uh, is just you, he did that. He made that happen.

• 1:25:32Speaker 01

  Yeah, that makes sense. So he was the one being like, you gotta do these.

• 1:25:35Theo Von?

  He's the one who like talked to Joe about it for years. It's been in discussion.

• 1:25:39Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:25:39Theo Von?

  Cause I don't think Joe Rogan was gonna do that. And then he did.

• 1:25:42Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:25:43Theo Von?

  You know, and, um.

• 1:25:45Speaker 01

  That put, that did kind of push it. I think that helped actually.

• 1:25:47Theo Von?

  Yeah, Dana made all that happen.

• 1:25:49Speaker 01

  Dude, it got like, that was the thing too. It was like, just YouTube, if you want to look at YouTube views, that's kind of like, I don't know if that like works with polling, but it's like the Rogan Trump episode, I don't, what is it at? Like 30 million? It was, it was at like millions quickly. The call, Call Me Daddy, that podcast with Kamala was like.

• 1:26:07Theo Von?

  I don't know if it had a million.

• 1:26:09Speaker 01

  It did. I think it might have.

• 1:26:10Theo Von?

  Forty seven million.

• 1:26:11Speaker 01

  Forty seven million. If you look up the call her daddy or call him daddy or whatever, or call me daddy. Excuse me. Um, I'll call her daddy. There you go. It got.

• 1:26:20Theo Von?

  Eight hundred and twelve thousand.

• 1:26:21Speaker 01

  Eight hundred and twelve thousand.

• 1:26:23Theo Von?

  Re- but that's just a clip. Now here's the problem with.

• 1:26:25Speaker 01

  My not bragging my YouTube special to better.

• 1:26:30Speaker 01

  But that's what I'm saying. That's that is a gauge of public interest and it's like, public interest, in my opinion, probably translates to voting. I, I think. I don't know.

• 1:26:38Theo Von?

  Or at least people come in to experience the person, you know?

• 1:26:40Speaker 01

  True.

• 1:26:41Theo Von?

  Um, yeah, definitely interesting. Well, you can't watch the full episodes because they're on Sirius. Is that right?

• 1:26:48Speaker 01

  Sirius?

• 1:26:50Speaker 03

  Yeah, they only put a clip.

• 1:26:51Theo Von?

  Yeah. So you can't see the full episodes of these podcasts either. So you don't know, um, what really.

• 1:26:58Speaker 01

  Well, you know, I wish her the best. I'm not like, yeah, that's the thing. I'm not like, I fucking hate that lady. I'm like, I felt sad. I didn't, I personally didn't really want her to win. Uh, cause I was just like, you know, I think Trump will probably maybe stop the wars faster. It's my hope.

• 1:27:12Theo Von?

  But well, I just, I don't know. I, I just, I don't know what's happening. I feel like there's a changing of these parties because

• 1:27:17Speaker 01

  Big time.

• 1:27:18Theo Von?

  You have former Democrats who are now Republicans, but they also don't even get along with half of the people in office.

• 1:27:25Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:27:26Theo Von?

  People are sick of politicians overall.

• 1:27:28Speaker 01

  Big time.

• 1:27:29Theo Von?

  Um, AIPAC and lobbyists like have infiltrated what it seems like politics overall. It's like

• 1:27:37Speaker 01

  For sure.

• 1:27:38Theo Von?

  And people, you can't hide the information from people anymore.

• 1:27:41Speaker 01

  Yeah. Well, dude, the weird thing was is like, they started like the, the Democrats started being like, I mean, George Bush was great and like, you know, Cheney and all that stuff. And it's like, why, why are they pumped on them? That was, that to me was just weird where it's like, there are.

• 1:27:55Theo Von?

  All dark.

• 1:27:56Speaker 01

  And then I think at the last minute, they started being like, yeah, we actually want strong borders and all that stuff too. Just cause they were like, this is working. So, you know, it's, I think it's all part of a bigger process that is for the best where it's like, like you were saying, Republican Party is totally different, like way different. Remember like nineteen, like ninety-five? It was like, it was, it was like send people to jail for fucking, you know, thirty years for crack and all this stuff. And now it's like, we should get some of these guys out of prison, you know, whichever was doing now, but that's because of like a liberal worldview and that's been kind of.

• 1:28:25Theo Von?

  They gotta get a couple more brothers in the party too, I think.

• 1:28:28Speaker 01

  I think, oh, it's coming dude. I think it's coming. But here's the thing too. It's like, so you have like the liberal people have been like, yeah, we shouldn't send people to jail for having crack on them for forty fucking years. And then you're like, yeah, that's a good idea. But then with the immigration thing, it's like, I, I personally have no problem with immigrants, but it's like you can only have so many, like that's a reality.

• 1:28:45Theo Von?

  Right. It's just.

• 1:28:46Speaker 01

  If you're having a party, you can't invite the whole city to your party. It won't work. So the same thing happens with the border. And it's a shame because people want to escape like, you know, crushing poverty. But the Republicans are right in that you can't like, and it's like, if you're like, just thinking on a human level, you're like, I don't want to like kick some guy out or have some guy come against the wall and be like, get the fuck back to your country. But you do have to do that.

• 1:29:08Theo Von?

  But you also, I think there's ways you can do it in an organized pattern.

• 1:29:11Speaker 01

  Yeah, true.

• 1:29:12Theo Von?

  So you're properly vetting people. And then they used to have a system where people could cert, they could, you could almost adopt a homeless person or whatever who came across the border and you were their sponsor.

• 1:29:23Speaker 01

  That's cool. I'm, I'm.

• 1:29:24Theo Von?

  Super cool. So then you as a member of your country, right? Or that you were born into, sure. It's a blessing, right? Easy for us to say that, but then you get to be part of the, of immigrate, you know, it's like, there's an actual connection there. So, you know, I don't know.

• 1:29:41Speaker 01

  That's a good, I like that idea though.

• 1:29:43Theo Von?

  Yeah, it's easy to say stuff. Let's change the topic. What else can we talk about?

• 1:29:46Speaker 01

  But I was saying too, then you can kind of like set them up and like contest against each other.

• 1:29:51Theo Von?

  Oh, yeah. Well, people have had that. I've heard that material before. I think of like doing like a, um, American Ninja Warrior to come over the border.

• 1:29:58Speaker 01

  That would be nice too. Yeah. I was saying, if you had like, if I adopted a guy, you adopted a guy, we could kind of make them compete.

• 1:30:04Theo Von?

  Yeah, like BattleBots.

• 1:30:06Speaker 01

  For the glory of our houses. Yeah.

• 1:30:07Theo Von?

  Yeah.

• 1:30:09Theo Von?

  That would be so sick.

• 1:30:10Speaker 01

  That would be awesome. In like a fun way, you know what I mean?

• 1:30:12Theo Von?

  Totally. And you raise money for helping people that are coming over.

• 1:30:17Speaker 01

  Exactly.

• 1:30:18Theo Von?

  Fuck.

• 1:30:19Speaker 01

  Winners' family comes over.

• 1:30:20Theo Von?

  Yeah.

• 1:30:21Speaker 01

  Loser's family pays.

• 1:30:22Theo Von?

  That'd be a great, dude, I had this idea for a game show, right? So check this out. It's you get two like kind of lifeguard chairs, right? And you have, you put like kind of cellophane, like kind of like some light blue plastic around them, right? You can still see through it. And at the bottom of the,

• 1:30:42Theo Von?

  at the bottom is a scale, right? And you get two guys who have eaten for like a week, haven't gone to the bathroom. Whoever can do the most poop at, in a given amount of time wins a car. Or maybe not a car, maybe a motorcycle.

• 1:30:59Speaker 01

  That's an awesome game. So you're inside the lifeguard chair, you're wrapped in blue. What's the blue wrapping? Just to kind of contain?

• 1:31:05Theo Von?

  Just because you don't want to see it. You don't want to see it. That'll gross people out. But if you see the scale going up or something, it'll at least excite people.

• 1:31:11Speaker 01

  You don't think the viewers at home are going to see the pile?

• 1:31:13Theo Von?

  I think you want to be able to see it. You want to see it vague. So you want it to be like opaque, like.

• 1:31:17Speaker 01

  Yeah, I see.

• 1:31:20Speaker 01

  Just like a general shape.

• 1:31:21Theo Von?

  Yeah.

• 1:31:22Speaker 01

  Have like a, like a frosted glass over something.

• 1:31:24Theo Von?

  Yes, that's what I mean frosted glass.

• 1:31:25Speaker 01

  That would be nice. Yeah, that's a great show.

• 1:31:27Theo Von?

  Thanks, man.

• 1:31:28Speaker 01

  That is a fantastic show. Onto the scale will be nice. I recently just did a thing where you, you have to poop at home and then like scoop it and mail it to get like results to see like what they think of your body. Dude, I swear to God, you can do that. You can mail it. I'm like a scientist.

• 1:31:43Theo Von?

  You're a fucking science teacher? You send that shit to a scientist?

• 1:31:48Speaker 01

  You just send it to a scientist and they're like.

• 1:31:49Theo Von?

  Oh, my God, bro.

• 1:31:51Speaker 01

  This is incredible.

• 1:31:52Theo Von?

  You've been fucking compromised, homie. You're mailing poop of your own to someone?

• 1:31:56Speaker 01

  I did, yeah. I want to see it with my microbot. Dude, that was the thing. I thought you did a whole turd. You, they like give you a, like a thing to put on your toilet paper? Or they put a thing to get on your toilet. It's like a paper thing that sticks? And it has like a little, like, you know, like the dick part of your boxers?

• 1:32:12Theo Von?

  Yeah.

• 1:32:12Speaker 01

  It has like that, but for a turd. So there's like this thing. Yeah, it's like that. And then it catches it. And then you have to like scoop. I thought you just picked the turd up and put it in a jar, but no, you scoop like the smallest amount and then you put it in, like shake it up in the solution.

• 1:32:27Theo Von?

  And then, uh.

• 1:32:28Speaker 01

  They just tell you like what's up with your microbiome? Tell you like if they think you're chill or not? That was what it was. It was that one.

• 1:32:35Theo Von?

  What if they told you where your stepdad lives? We'll tell you.

• 1:32:39Speaker 01

  Yeah, I don't know, man. I also think a lot of this stuff too, after doing it, I think it's just a a way for companies to sell you vitamins because they could be like, based on this, we recommend X, Y, and Z.

• 1:32:49Theo Von?

  And once you've met you, once you, you'll, yeah, you almost want to buy so they don't tell anybody about your poop. I feel like you'd be like, don't tell anybody about poop.

• 1:32:55Speaker 01

  That's true.

• 1:32:55Theo Von?

  I'll buy the vitamins.

• 1:32:58Speaker 01

  Like, yeah, let's keep this between us.

• 1:32:59Theo Von?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 1:33:00Speaker 01

  Oh dude, they could be like, yeah, that guy, oh, we had his poop. We smelled, I guess, me and Brittany sent them in at the same time. And my test was run first and I kept telling her that they opened her vial and shut down the lab.

• 1:33:14Speaker 01

  I was like, yeah, the whole place had to evacuate. They sent me an email. So they opened yours.

• 1:33:19Theo Von?

  That's love, dude.

• 1:33:20Speaker 01

  That's a fun, that's a fun one. That's a good thing about having a wife too. You can just bother them.

• 1:33:24Theo Von?

  And do cool stuff like that.

• 1:33:26Speaker 01

  Take shits, yeah, shit in the tubes and mail it and just both wait for your shit test. It's kind of, that was kind of fun.

• 1:33:30Theo Von?

  Yeah, that's like jumping over the broom or whatever, in some cultures.

• 1:33:35Speaker 01

  Yeah, exactly.

• 1:33:36Theo Von?

  Wow, dude, I, uh, were we just talking about medicine?

• 1:33:40Speaker 01

  Yeah, I think so. We got off the politics stuff, so we're off that.

• 1:33:44Theo Von?

  Probably should have, huh? You feel like people are over it, but it's also, it's like, oh, what was I gonna ask you? Do you think, uh, oh, look at this, is this like a new slave or whatever?

• 1:33:54Speaker 01

  Oh, this is like the Tesla thing.

• 1:33:58Speaker 01

  Bro.

• 1:33:59Theo Von?

  Wow.

• 1:34:00Speaker 01

  Yeah, dude, I don't know, Elon rolled out some bots too.

• 1:34:03Theo Von?

  What the heck? That's a slave? Where is that? This is in Virginia, is it?

• 1:34:09Speaker 01

  Uh, that's, that's like.

• 1:34:11Theo Von?

  I am not getting that, dude.

• 1:34:13Speaker 01

  Yeah, that's like a different country. Yeah, Tesla, Tesla or Musk, oh boy. I would like a little robo lawnmower though, I'll be honest. Damn, look at that guy rip, dude.

• 1:34:24Theo Von?

  Dude, that'd be so crazy.

• 1:34:26Speaker 01

  They should keep the bots like R2D2. They shouldn't give them like legs and arms and shit.

• 1:34:30Theo Von?

  Yeah, you're right, actually.

• 1:34:31Speaker 01

  Well, you don't need to be these guys looking like people. Cause then somebody's gonna start fucking them. I mean, it's already happened, I'm sure. I like the way I think he's cutting it right there.

• 1:34:40Theo Von?

  Savage, but then your kid will like, you're like, mow the yard. Your kid's like, I don't want to.

• 1:34:44Speaker 01

  My thumb's hurt.

• 1:34:45Theo Von?

  Yeah.

• 1:34:47Speaker 01

  That's true, actually. That's kind of bullshit.

• 1:34:49Theo Von?

  Yeah, dude. I'm trying to think of what chores we had.

• 1:34:51Speaker 01

  Oh dude, it was ridiculous, man.

• 1:34:53Theo Von?

  Dude, is, do you think it's weird, um, this is something that doesn't get talked about a lot is like, where do stepdads go when the divorce happens, you know? Cause they kind of don't get to see the kids anymore, you know?

• 1:35:03Speaker 01

  Oh, I didn't think about that. You're saying when you go, oh, you're divorced and you get divorced, you basically break up with the stepdad. I think they go back to like the apartment, dude. They straight to an apartment complex.

• 1:35:13Theo Von?

  That has a pool at it.

• 1:35:14Speaker 01

  Yeah, I think like the, I think the representative from an apartment complex comes and picks them up in like a black limousine, takes them back. And they just wait in queue to be stepdads.

• 1:35:24Theo Von?

  But it's kind of crazy. You never think about that because the stepdad gets involved in a kid's life for a couple of years for better or for worse.

• 1:35:30Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:35:30Theo Von?

  But then they have to just.

• 1:35:32Speaker 01

  Peace out. I think some might stay kind of in, you know, I don't know.

• 1:35:36Theo Von?

  Is that weird though?

• 1:35:38Speaker 01

  Yeah, kind of. It depends. I feel like if you knew the kid from when it was a baby, you should, or just keep the phone line open, but bro, you can call me whenever you want, but.

• 1:35:45Theo Von?

  Yeah.

• 1:35:46Speaker 01

  I'm gonna go look for some.

• 1:35:47Theo Von?

  But like the first couple of years, you kind of check in and then you like forget one year. It's gotta be feel weird.

• 1:35:51Speaker 01

  Yeah, eventually, or if there's a new stepdad, you can't be like,

• 1:35:55Theo Von?

  Hey.

• 1:35:55Speaker 01

  You gotta pass the baton and be like, it's a good boy.

• 1:35:57Theo Von?

  But do those stepdads meet somewhere and like have a?

• 1:36:00Speaker 01

  Yeah, they'd meet at Sabaro.

• 1:36:06Speaker 01

  They meet at Sabaro and they ceremoniously split a pizza. And the guy gives the, the new stepdad the like, the fifth slice and he only has three.

• 1:36:13Theo Von?

  Hey, what's up? I'm Tom, 2015 to 2017.

• 1:36:18Speaker 01

  Yeah, stepdaddying is like, I, I kind of.

• 1:36:20Theo Von?

  It's unheralded. There's not.

• 1:36:22Speaker 01

  Exactly. I, I kind of wish I was able to experience it a little bit, honestly.

• 1:36:25Theo Von?

  Yeah.

• 1:36:25Speaker 01

  But, you know, I, for real, I was always, I always assumed that was just like, how it would go for me. I was like, yeah, I'll just kind of kick around and eventually I'll just date a chick with kids and be a stepdad. But it didn't work out that way. So, I honestly wouldn't have minded. It'd be pretty sick.

• 1:36:41Theo Von?

  Yeah, sometimes I have a dream, maybe that I meet a lady and she already has a kid, maybe or something.

• 1:36:45Speaker 01

  Yeah, man. Just get in there at like 10, you know, fucking, that'd be awesome.

• 1:36:48Theo Von?

  Tingleable.

• 1:36:50Speaker 01

  Yeah, I guess you're right. I guess you're right. Six. Get out, I'm telling you, man. It's like the first fucking three years are just no sleep. You get all your good sleep. You just hop in at six. They just started remembering stuff. It's perfect. It's just fun. From then on, it's just fun.

• 1:37:05Theo Von?

  My buddy just had uh his third kid. And he's a black man and he has. And it's funny, the other guys were like, dude, you're not even a, you're not even a black dad until you have three kids.

• 1:37:18Speaker 01

  That's hilarious.

• 1:37:21Theo Von?

  Like two kids for a black guy, that's nothing, bro.

• 1:37:24Speaker 01

  That's so funny.

• 1:37:25Theo Von?

  That's child's play.

• 1:37:26Speaker 01

  So now he's official.

• 1:37:27Theo Von?

  Yeah, now he's really, yeah, like dang, alright, so you for real about it.

• 1:37:31Speaker 01

  He's really banging, yeah.

• 1:37:33Theo Von?

  It's like the first two were just mixtapes and this is like a real album.

• 1:37:37Speaker 01

  He's finally signed.

• 1:37:38Theo Von?

  Yeah. What else? Any other thing else in the news going on or anything else?

• 1:37:42Speaker 01

  Dude, I haven't even, I haven't been fucking following news. I don't know what's going on. I uh. What else is going on with me? Do you know what I've been doing recently? I've been researching. So I've been reading autobiographies. That's my big, um, that's my big kick right now.

• 1:37:53Theo Von?

  Wow.

• 1:37:54Speaker 01

  I've just been trying to just study people's lives and see like. At the end of their life, what did they think was good? What did they think was bad? I only got through like once. Well, I got through a couple actually. Um, but dude, the. It's been cracking me up. It's like Bertrand Russell was like this famous mathematician.

• 1:38:10Theo Von?

  Bertram Russell?

• 1:38:11Speaker 01

  Bertrand Russell, yeah. He wrote, him and like uh this guy Whitehead wrote this like. Big book called Principia Mathematica where they spent, I think like. Two hundred pages proving one plus one equals two. This was like the type of stuff he was on. Bizarre.

• 1:38:24Theo Von?

  Why? Just because they were finding ways that you couldn't not prove it?

• 1:38:27Speaker 01

  People were coming through and like underli- so apparently math on is like. There's like a, like a set of axioms that like you just have to assume is true. You know, they want math. There's a bunch of people back in the day who wanted math to be able to like totally explain everything in the universe. It's just the way it is, but there is a. Aspect of faith in math where you have to believe the axioms.

• 1:38:47Theo Von?

  Right.

• 1:38:48Speaker 01

  So they were trying to just be like. Check this out and they just got real into one plus one in that book. But he's apparently like a genius. And I read his and I read the guy, you know Angela's ashes? Yeah, I read he has one called tis. That's his second Frank McCourt. So Angela's ashes was his time in Ireland till he was nineteen and then at nineteen he moved to New York City in like the fifties. And he wrote another book called tis that's from the nineteen fifties to like whenever fucking eighties or whatever. But I've been like, I was reading those both simultaneously and like, it's so funny. How every male memoir is just a guy talking about how horny they were as a kid. It's it's crazy. Horny and want to kill themselves. Bertrand Russell and Frank McCourt like, I just want to so fucking horny. I just want to fucking kill myself.

• 1:39:33Speaker 01

  Everything every I didn't know every guy was a suicidal back in the day. That's what I'm learning in my studies. A lot of guys are just fuck just want to fucking kill themselves.

• 1:39:40Theo Von?

  Well, it used to be very poetic if you killed yourself.

• 1:39:42Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:39:42Theo Von?

  Remember it was very, there was like this Shakespearean, like I'm taking my life. Now you're just like, you know, you're just like a thirteen reasons why fan or whatever. You know, but it used to be kind of, there was something very romantic about it.

• 1:39:58Speaker 01

  Yeah, you could like stab yourself with a sword. Now it's, you know, it's pussy shit.

• 1:40:01Theo Von?

  Now it's overdose and whatever.

• 1:40:03Speaker 01

  Yeah, it's like.

• 1:40:03Theo Von?

  Yeah, come on.

• 1:40:04Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:40:07Speaker 01

  Go back to the drawing board. That's dude.

• 1:40:09Theo Von?

  This guy, first person to use Switzerland suicide pod found with strangul. And where are these at? They're not the airport, are they?

• 1:40:17Speaker 01

  Then the airport would actually be your flight got canceled. Just be like, never mind. Just walk right into the suicide pod. Just end it.

• 1:40:24Theo Von?

  Oh, that's.

• 1:40:25Speaker 04

  Was found with strangulation marks on her neck. Following the death of the sixty four year old American woman, multiple people.

• 1:40:33Speaker 01

  Oh, this is terrible.

• 1:40:34Speaker 04

  Including Dr. Florian Willett.

• 1:40:38Theo Von?

  They said a woman used it, but they also found strangulation.

• 1:40:41Speaker 01

  Yeah, what's that about?

• 1:40:43Theo Von?

  So it sounds like maybe they only put her in for a couple of minutes.

• 1:40:46Speaker 01

  Yeah, but it's just, why would she have marks on her neck if she if you get, maybe she she might have attempted.

• 1:40:52Theo Von?

  Oh, she was trying to like help it or something.

• 1:40:54Speaker 01

  Or maybe she like tried to do the old ceiling and like the something gave away and she's like, I'm gonna hit the pod.

• 1:40:59Speaker 03

  There was some malfunction and she, the guy was heard saying six minutes after the process started that she's still alive. So I think he had.

• 1:41:08Theo Von?

  Oh, he choked her out? Cause I guess if you go that far, if she lives.

• 1:41:14Speaker 01

  She would yell.

• 1:41:14Theo Von?

  Product is no bad.

• 1:41:15Speaker 01

  She'd yell the pod.

• 1:41:16Theo Von?

  Yeah.

• 1:41:16Speaker 01

  Two stars, still alive.

• 1:41:19Theo Von?

  Boo. Eating breakfast right now.

• 1:41:21Speaker 01

  Does not work with my lame ass kids and husband right now. Did not taste the sweet release of death.

• 1:41:29Theo Von?

  Awkward ride home.

• 1:41:32Speaker 01

  Husband's like, what are you doing back? I thought you were killing yourself today.

• 1:41:37Theo Von?

  You already got a new girl over? He's already on Raya listening to Zach Ryan.

• 1:41:43Speaker 01

  Damn dude, I do. That shit freaks me out, man.

• 1:41:46Theo Von?

  When they do those. Do it. I've been at an airport dude and if you miss your La Haye, I'm like, I'll fucking go to heaven.

• 1:41:52Theo Von?

  I'm not, I'm not waiting. Yeah. Fuck Akron. Send me to heaven. Like I've been that furious at a point where it's just like, I'll just, let's shut it.

• 1:42:00Speaker 01

  Yeah. There's no more room for your baggage. You're like, you know what? I'm going to take the pod. I don't know. I'm not going to go walk five seats back and try to go in all coming traffic to get my bag back. I'm going to take the pod. If it doesn't work, you have permission to choke me out.

• 1:42:14Speaker 01

  That's crazy. That guy had to just be like.

• 1:42:16Theo Von?

  Yeah. Like, oh shit. Couple of kinks, ma'am. Just. Don't mind me.

• 1:42:22Speaker 01

  That'd be nice if the pod just like walls came in and just crushed you. It like put you into a dizzying state and then it just.

• 1:42:29Theo Von?

  Vacuum sealed you.

• 1:42:30Speaker 01

  Yeah, exactly.

• 1:42:33Theo Von?

  I'd have like a little soda with me.

• 1:42:37Speaker 01

  Just dried you out. But yeah, that, uh, I don't like that, man. I don't like when people, again, it's like if you're, if you have like terrible painful cancer or there's like nothing they can do. I get it, but like that guy looked all right. Was he just modeling the tube or is he actually?

• 1:42:50Theo Von?

  Yeah. He's just the model. I guess they obviously do not have a, there's no budget for the model. But I think it was a woman that used it. She had cancer and she wanted to go use it.

• 1:43:01Speaker 01

  And they just hooked her up.

• 1:43:02Theo Von?

  Yeah.

• 1:43:02Speaker 01

  Yeah, that's a, but here's the thing. That's the one product like Coca-Cola and all those like they have like beautiful people always like drinking Coke. You don't have like, they're going to have like beautiful celebs like laying in there.

• 1:43:13Theo Von?

  That's true.

• 1:43:13Speaker 01

  They're going to try to, they want to show you someone who looked like that guy. I was like, yeah, I could see that.

• 1:43:17Theo Von?

  Yeah.

• 1:43:17Speaker 01

  This guy's got like no muscle mass, fucking pants are sagging. I could see him just.

• 1:43:22Theo Von?

  Hey Carl, let me get an.

• 1:43:25Theo Von?

  Just smoking. That would be the best.

• 1:43:30Speaker 01

  I'm going to get one for my house. If my kids piss me off, I'm like, I'm, I'm going to go to the pod.

• 1:43:34Theo Von?

  Yeah.

• 1:43:34Speaker 01

  Daddy's going to the suicide pod. If you guys don't clean your fucking room, I'm going to fucking turn myself off.

• 1:43:41Theo Von?

  Bro, that'd be crazy, man.

• 1:43:43Speaker 01

  Yeah, put them in there. You guys wanna fuck around?

• 1:43:45Theo Von?

  You guys wanna party, huh?

• 1:43:46Speaker 01

  Scare them, I would.

• 1:43:47Theo Von?

  Set that thing for thirty seconds just to freak them out.

• 1:43:50Speaker 01

  Just microwave them for a second.

• 1:43:52Theo Von?

  Well, some lady ovened themselves at a Walmart. You see that?

• 1:43:54Speaker 01

  No.

• 1:43:56Theo Von?

  Some lady wandered into an oven. They were doing, was it, was it hide and go seek or what happened?

• 1:44:01Speaker 05

  Wait, we're pulling it up, but there was a, a woman got stuck in one of the industrial baking ovens at a Walmart, I believe.

• 1:44:07Theo Von?

  What? And I believe she passed away, right?

• 1:44:09Speaker 05

  Yes.

• 1:44:09Speaker 01

  From the gas or she burned herself up?

• 1:44:12Speaker 05

  From the burning.

• 1:44:13Theo Von?

  Ooh. Or cooking. Let's not say burning. We don't know what happened.

• 1:44:16Speaker 01

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, cooking.

• 1:44:17Theo Von?

  Or, you know.

• 1:44:18Speaker 01

  Oh, she was nineteen?

• 1:44:19Theo Von?

  Oh.

• 1:44:21Speaker 01

  Yo.

• 1:44:23Theo Von?

  Police say the investigation is complex. That's unreal.

• 1:44:25Speaker 01

  Oh, the walk-in. So this, they bake like multiple cakes at a time?

• 1:44:29Theo Von?

  In Canada, yeah. I guess they have a walk-in oven.

• 1:44:31Speaker 01

  That's not a good idea.

• 1:44:33Theo Von?

  It'd be hard to stay out of it. I bet it smelled good in there.

• 1:44:35Speaker 01

  Bro, true.

• 1:44:37Theo Von?

  I mean, this is harrowing.

• 1:44:38Speaker 01

  Yeah, of course. But I'm saying that, that it is a fact that that oven smelled delicious.

• 1:44:42Theo Von?

  Oh, man. The woman who was an employee of the store was located a large walk-in oven. Important to note, Kate, investigation has not yet reached a point where the cause and manner of death have been confirmed.

• 1:44:52Speaker 01

  The investigation is complex. Yeah, dude, I did not, I, I'm thinking like there was a, just a big oven on display. I was like, how the fuck did a lady walk into that?

• 1:45:00Theo Von?

  Yeah.

• 1:45:01Speaker 01

  Damn, why the fuck they have walk-in ovens? That's a terrible idea.

• 1:45:04Theo Von?

  It is, huh?

• 1:45:05Speaker 01

  It's just feed them in there like pizzas. Just, you know, have like a big thing. You pull a wooden paddle and pull them out. People don't need those cakes, dude. That didn't, that shouldn't have cost a human life. Those cakes are terrible.

• 1:45:15Theo Von?

  Yeah, this is, yeah, you shouldn't, we don't need to walk into an oven.

• 1:45:19Speaker 01

  No, dude, that's a terrible design.

• 1:45:21Theo Von?

  That's a horrible idea.

• 1:45:22Speaker 01

  Yeah, that's a, well, it's, look, that's, it's an old idea. It's not the first. It's an old idea and people should have not done it.

• 1:45:28Theo Von?

  Yeah, but it's like, it, it's almost like, oh, you now you need an oven. You open the door and has like that, like the, one of those signs that's on like the ladder that's like, do not step here. Like, no shit, dude. That's terrible.

• 1:45:39Speaker 01

  Walking oven. Yeah, man. I mean, oh, oh, dude, that is terrible.

• 1:45:47Theo Von?

  Someone throws you in there. That's what they're saying.

• 1:45:49Speaker 01

  That's what I'm saying, dude.

• 1:45:51Theo Von?

  Mm-hmm.

• 1:45:52Speaker 01

  Oh, that is not nice. Cause yeah, how would you shut yourself in there? I don't know. It's a mystery. Complex. If I were reading that, I'd say this is very complex.

• 1:46:01Theo Von?

  A mystery and here's.

• 1:46:01Speaker 01

  Yeah, what's this all about? What's this all about?

• 1:46:05Theo Von?

  This guy's turn, huh?

• 1:46:12Speaker 01

  This is nice.

• 1:46:13Theo Von?

  That's awesome. This is why you need other countries, dude.

• 1:46:18Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:46:19Theo Von?

  People are like, I don't like diversity. You're out of your mind.

• 1:46:22Speaker 01

  That's true. That guy is as diverse as it gets.

• 1:46:24Theo Von?

  You show me a honky that can do this.

• 1:46:25Speaker 01

  I mean, dude, it is a, what a blessing. If you're, I'm just, just assume this guy's like, I don't know where, what country that's in, but any other time in history, just being like a

• 1:46:37Theo Von?

  Yeah.

• 1:46:38Speaker 01

  A midget born in like the third world. Again, he could be in Palm Beach. I don't know where that guy's from, but he's pretending he's from another country. He, it would just be a pretty tough road, but now he can just make great viral content.

• 1:46:48Theo Von?

  I know. This makes life good, man.

• 1:46:51Speaker 01

  Yeah. Three six. That's hilarious.

• 1:46:52Theo Von?

  Um, are you in tires, the new season?

• 1:46:55Speaker 01

  Yeah, I have a small, a small role.

• 1:46:57Theo Von?

  Did you want to have a larger role? Was that ever a conversation?

• 1:46:59Speaker 01

  No, no, no. No, I'm good, man. I'm, I'm happy with everything. If I get it, the fact that I was in it again, I was like, fuck yeah. So, and I, dude, acting is like so hard, man.

• 1:47:07Theo Von?

  Yeah.

• 1:47:08Speaker 01

  It's draining, dude. Just doing that every day. It's just like, I work myself up into a tizzy, doing just like two, like one scene, like from like the different angles and it's just like.

• 1:47:16Theo Von?

  Yeah. You're waiting. It takes a lot of patience.

• 1:47:18Speaker 01

  So you sit there all day. It's a, but I, yeah, no, I'm, I'm always like, I'm kind of chilling, man. I'm happy. Every, the way anything's go, the fact that I'm not like stuck at a job that makes me miserable. I'm like, bro, anything that I can do, let me know. You know what I mean? I don't get like caught up in the kind of like, it should be better. Yeah, that was mine.

• 1:47:35Theo Von?

  Yeah.

• 1:47:35Speaker 01

  Played the cop last time.

• 1:47:37Theo Von?

  Yeah. My mom loved the show. She's so wild. She's like, have you seen this tires?

• 1:47:42Speaker 01

  Yeah, it is. It is funny. Like.

• 1:47:44Theo Von?

  She's like, I, I like it.

• 1:47:46Speaker 01

  I, I like put it on and my, my daughter was like, Uncle Shane, Uncle, she freaked out. Uncle Shane's on TV. Uncle Shane's on TV. I was trying to find my part. I was like, daddy was on TV watching. I was like, I can't fucking find it.

• 1:47:58Theo Von?

  Like boo, get in the oven. Get in the fucking oven. White dad. Do your kids call you white dad? That's crazy, huh?

• 1:48:06Speaker 01

  My, my daughter says, I'm colored sand. She's like, dad looks like sand. I forget what she called her mom.

• 1:48:13Theo Von?

  Sorry.

• 1:48:14Speaker 01

  Yeah. She's like, dad's sand. They didn't have that, but they're going to get it. Now all the schools, it'll, it'll all get like, they'll start ramping that up, but you know, we'll see. I'll tell, I'm just going to hold it down. My daughter be like, dude, for real, I'm, I'm black. Don't worry. Don't listen to fuck that school.

• 1:48:27Theo Von?

  You wait.

• 1:48:28Speaker 01

  Yeah. I'm black as hell.

• 1:48:29Theo Von?

  This is a fucking mirage, shorty.

• 1:48:33Speaker 01

  Just get the loan on the house.

• 1:48:34Theo Von?

  Yeah, we'll see.

• 1:48:35Speaker 01

  But yeah, man, I, I, uh, yeah, dude, I'm just pumped, man. I'm like, you know, everything's going well. I'm like, again, I'm just biding my time to be a, uh, plainclothes school security.

• 1:48:44Theo Von?

  It'd be fun, huh?

• 1:48:45Speaker 01

  I do fantasize about like a nice retirement job.

• 1:48:48Theo Von?

  Oh, I want to teach art. I would like to teach arts and crafts. Nothing fancy. Paint, wire things, those fuzzy long things. What are those called?

• 1:48:58Speaker 01

  Pipe cleaners.

• 1:48:58Theo Von?

  Yeah.

• 1:48:59Speaker 01

  That'd be nice. Yeah. You can do whatever with those.

• 1:49:01Theo Von?

  You just put out a bag, we even know what we're fucking making. Some kid made a noose or whatever. You're like, yeah, he's doing good.

• 1:49:10Speaker 01

  But yeah, that's, you know, for me, I'm just been chilling, man. Just trying to keep myself float, stay positive. It's, it's the embarrassing thing too. And like, things are going well. It's like, I'll still get like bombed out and depressed. And I'm always like, dude, you're such a fucking pussy. Shut up. So I've been trying to just like, be even keeled and just, you know, just work on little projects and that's it.

• 1:49:28Theo Von?

  Yeah. I think some of that's normal too. It's, it is tough though. Cause certainly people have things a lot tougher, you know? And it is tough too. Sometimes when your life is going good, it's like not to let your ego start to take over. That's, that's a thing that gets really scary.

• 1:49:41Speaker 01

  Oh yeah, dude.

• 1:49:42Theo Von?

  Cause your ego is just like this thing that's kind of grows without you, you know, really knowing what's going on. You can be watering it without even realizing it.

• 1:49:49Speaker 01

  Oh dude, I, I, I was lucky to have like an ego boom, like early and it was like, looking back on it, it was like really not, nothing. It wasn't anything great, but at the time when I was like, twenty four, twenty five, I was just making so much money selling weed that I was like, it dude, it went right to my head.

• 1:50:08Theo Von?

  Wow.

• 1:50:08Speaker 01

  Soon as I made like a couple thousand dollars a week, I was just like, oh my God, I'm the fucking best.

• 1:50:13Theo Von?

  And you start getting rings and shit?

• 1:50:16Speaker 01

  I was real low key. I mean, right now is the most rings I've ever worn right now. But the, uh, yeah, dude, you just get when you like, that, that happened to me and I got like, you just start getting greedier. And I was just like, I want more. Luckily I got wiped out financially like twice. And then that has like an evening, you get like up and back down. You go, okay. And it kind of brings you back to earth where you're like, yeah, like don't, don't let that's anything like that get to your head or like, make you act different. And again, it's, it's embarrassing. It's like, dude, I was making two grand selling weed, but. It's like it was enough for me at such a young age to be like, I'm a, I'm the man. Everyone's a fucking idiot who can't do. And it was just like, and then I came crashing and burning and I was like, all right, back to painting houses now. It really had like a that for me.

• 1:50:55Theo Von?

  Oh dude.

• 1:50:55Speaker 01

  It was real experience and I was able to be like, okay, when things were going well, A, don't be a dick and B, they might not always forever, huge chance it won't. So, you know, be grateful and just kind of like, you know, be nice and just try to help out and don't get too, you know.

• 1:51:10Theo Von?

  How'd you get wiped out? How'd you get wiped out?

• 1:51:12Speaker 01

  Just losing money in the mail. I got robbed at gunpoint. I got, I like had like a couple of stretches where like dudes I know would get fucked up on drugs and just kind of like dip out. I got robbed at gunpoint. I lost that and then I mailed like, I think like $30,000 in the mail and that got snagged by the postal.

• 1:51:27Theo Von?

  No.

• 1:51:27Speaker 01

  Yeah, dude, that was scary.

• 1:51:30Theo Von?

  I like put 30K in the mail.

• 1:51:32Speaker 01

  Yeah, vacuum sealed it, all that stuff.

• 1:51:35Theo Von?

  And what you, can you just not legally move that much money?

• 1:51:37Speaker 01

  You're not allowed to mail money like that. No. And then what they do is they're like, come on in, like they're like, we'll talk to you. And it was like, I wasn't, my name wasn't on it. It was like, I tacked it on with my friend. And well, the trick is you can be like, I was buying a car, you know, blah, blah, blah.

• 1:51:51Theo Von?

  Did you go in there? Do you wear a mustache?

• 1:51:52Speaker 01

  Fuck no dude. I was like, I just called a wash. I'm not going to the fucking postal, you know, post mental, post general mass or whatever it is.

• 1:51:58Theo Von?

  Is there a chance to get it back?

• 1:52:01Speaker 01

  If you can prove it's legit, they're gonna be like, all right, where's your tax return? And I was like, uh, so it was like, you can't, unless you had a legitimate, if I legitimately was doing it, I could be like, hey, here's what I'm doing. I need that back. But it's like, it's the last place you want to go in and be like, no, it was actually up to no good.

• 1:52:15Theo Von?

  I bet it's sitting there. I bet you go in there and talk to them.

• 1:52:17Speaker 01

  Yeah, right. It's gone. They, oh my God, yeah. They probably took it.

• 1:52:22Theo Von?

  Are the postal workers?

• 1:52:23Speaker 01

  I would imagine the postal, or they, they maybe, you know, they were like, here you go. But it's like, yeah, that was the big thing back then. It was just mailing weed. You would just get it to your house and write, immediately write return to sender, don't open it. Cause what they do is either a guy in, like a officer pretends to work for the USPS and they come and deliver it. And what they were doing first, which kind of fucked them up, they'd like, open the box right now and you open it and be like, there'd be weed in there and you could just go. I don't, anyone can mail me anything. So they legally couldn't do anything. So what they started doing is they let you get the package. They wait like 10 minutes. And then they come in because people usually get it and cut it right open. So you have to do is you write return to sender, leave it in the corner of the room. Wait about like an hour and then you put it in your car and you drive towards the post office. So if they pull you over, you're like, but I don't even know what this is. I'm taking the post office.

• 1:53:07Speaker 01

  And if you just kind of do a couple of laps, someone's following you, go somewhere else and you cut it open. But it's like, that was the move because California would mail it over for just like pennies compared to what it was on the East Coast. I thought I was the man, but then, you know, you.

• 1:53:19Theo Von?

  Did you start buying anything? You buy a nice suit or something?

• 1:53:21Speaker 01

  I was very, very, I was like a Chinese triad. I would just, no, I didn't spend anything. I would like.

• 1:53:26Theo Von?

  Would you start sleeping on your back or something at least?

• 1:53:30Speaker 01

  You know what I would do? I would go on trips. I would do vacations. So I would like go away and like ball out like that. But no, I didn't buy, I didn't buy the cars. I didn't do any of that stuff. I kept it pretty low key.

• 1:53:40Theo Von?

  Where'd you go to Cancun or something?

• 1:53:41Speaker 01

  Uh, yeah, I went to Hawaii. I did a trip to Hawaii, did the four seasons. It's pretty tight.

• 1:53:45Theo Von?

  Damn, so you were balling.

• 1:53:47Speaker 01

  I was balling out. Yeah, I was balling. But then again, I lost it all. And then you go from like, you know, enjoying the perks of that to like, I'd be happy if someone gave me 50 bucks right now, you know? So it's like.

• 1:53:57Theo Von?

  Yeah.

• 1:53:58Speaker 01

  And at a young age, it's the best thing that could have happened because at a young age I got to like, get that ego swell and just completely come crazy. And there's something liberating when it happens though. I remember being oddly like relieved at the time being like, oh, this is kind of cool. I don't have to worry about all this shit anymore.

• 1:54:12Theo Von?

  Oh, that's just a nightmare, dude. We sold weed for almost four hours one time, fucking.

• 1:54:17Speaker 01

  It's scary.

• 1:54:18Theo Von?

  It was the scariest shit ever. I fucking almost killed the guy. I started accusing him of fucking shit. We had like, we literally had two hundred dollars worth of fucking.

• 1:54:28Speaker 01

  It was just alpha dog immediately.

• 1:54:33Speaker 01

  Well, dude, you talk about being paranoid. It's just, you're in a paranoid.

• 1:54:36Theo Von?

  Everybody's a fucking narc or whatever.

• 1:54:38Speaker 01

  Everyone's following you. Everyone's a narc. Everyone's watching you. At one point I had.

• 1:54:42Theo Von?

  I would wake my friend up and be like, are you fucking watching?

• 1:54:43Speaker 01

  Motherfucker. I had a storage unit at one point and between me and someone else, we had like 60 pounds of weed in there. And I'd have to, I'd have to go in there with a duffel bag in the middle of the day and like look around, load it and walk back up. And the one time I went there. At three in the morning, or excuse me, it was like, you know, one in the morning, but I go in there, it's nighttime and there's a fire alarm going off in the school. And I remember hearing it being like, well, there's a school near, but which probably wasn't the best place to have fucking sixty pounds of weed. So I go in, I'm like, oh, that's weird. The fire alarm's going off. I load up a duffel bag of like thirty pounds of weed. I come out of the place and surrounded in police, police officers are everywhere. Cause they were, they came because of that fire alarm going off in the school and I'm holding a duffel bag and they're just standing there. It's like one AM or whatever.

• 1:55:26Speaker 01

  And I just come down the steps. They look at me and I look at them and I was like, boys, I just walked to my car and I just was like, please, please, please, please, please, please, please. Got in, took off, no problem. I was shitting myself, dude. That was like one of the scarier.

• 1:55:38Theo Von?

  Oh, I can feel the stress of that dude. Cause you feel the second you're, when they're behind you, you must be like, they're fucking.

• 1:55:44Speaker 01

  They're following me, burning in my head. You're pulling off. You're like, you're just waiting for one of their cars to pull off. And it was like, dude, it was a massive giant like hockey bag. And it looks, I was like, this looks so sketchy. I'm just coming out like, and I like froze.

• 1:55:57Theo Von?

  It says weed on the side of it.

• 1:55:59Speaker 01

  Came out like, oh, just stared at them and I was like, hey, what the fuck's wrong with that guy?

• 1:56:05Theo Von?

  Wow.

• 1:56:06Speaker 01

  Yeah, true. That is, uh, I will say that is one of the perks of being a white guy.

• 1:56:10Theo Von?

  Yeah.

• 1:56:10Speaker 01

  Easily. You see the cops at one AM with a giant duffel bag and being like, hey.

• 1:56:15Theo Von?

  Yeah.

• 1:56:15Speaker 01

  What's up, brothers?

• 1:56:19Theo Von?

  Hi ho, neighbor.

• 1:56:20Speaker 01

  Yeah. But yeah, and you're just in a paranoid delusion the whole entire, it's terrible for your, dude, my hair is fucking gray, dude.

• 1:56:26Theo Von?

  Yeah.

• 1:56:26Speaker 01

  You're just worried all the time, constantly for years, dude.

• 1:56:30Theo Von?

  You're hiding shit in your ceiling. Yeah, that's kind of, everything just gets scary. You're hiding stuff. Yeah, we had like a couple of, um.

• 1:56:38Speaker 01

  Fighting, dude, it's funny because it's hard to cut you off. You give someone an ounce of weed and you watch them. They'd be like, yeah, just like, you know, sell this and people would start it and it's like, people would implode. It's just so much pressure or they would just smoke it all. Be like, whatever.

• 1:56:51Theo Von?

  Yeah, but then they're high. Now you're having to fucking talk to somebody that's fucking high to get you either shit back. And then everybody starts knowing you're the weed guy. So people knowing you're the weed guy, there's something cool about it, but then there's also this fear. Cause you're like, well, I'm going to get busted.

• 1:57:03Speaker 01

  Paranoid. Yeah. Paranoid all the time. Then you hear about other people getting busted and you know, it's just.

• 1:57:06Theo Von?

  And then it gets closer to you and you're like, don't snitch or whatever.

• 1:57:09Speaker 01

  Yes. And I wasn't going to do anything.

• 1:57:10Theo Von?

  You burying, yeah. We would bury weed in our, we had like seven dime bags we were trying to sell, right?

• 1:57:16Speaker 01

  You got them in your mouth and you're in little wheelchairs.

• 1:57:21Theo Von?

  Burying them in the yard. It was unfucking believable, dude.

• 1:57:27Speaker 01

  That's why you didn't get caught though, dude. You guys were careful.

• 1:57:29Theo Von?

  It was breaking horrible, dude. That's who we were, dude. It was just.

• 1:57:36Theo Von?

  I'm in the front yard just calling my buddy a burying fucking dime stacks with a trowel.

• 1:57:44Speaker 01

  I know someone who uh.

• 1:57:45Theo Von?

  You know what the fuck you're doing?

• 1:57:47Speaker 01

  I know someone who thought he was selling steroids and he got beat and they were just antidepressants. So he was selling them to like a bunch of people and they're all like, dude, they're working. I'm getting. And they were just on SSO.

• 1:57:59Theo Von?

  Feel great.

• 1:58:00Speaker 01

  Hey, man, they felt it did feel good.

• 1:58:02Theo Von?

  Dude, I bought some steroids once. My girlfriend, while I was at away from her house, I was doing something, found him, broke and threw him all away.

• 1:58:12Speaker 01

  She took your boys?

• 1:58:13Theo Von?

  And when I got.

• 1:58:14Speaker 01

  Did you already cycle on them? So did you like, were you like, what the fuck?

• 1:58:16Theo Von?

  No, I think I had been on steroids at the time and I was not happy when I got there. Okay. It was a do not look if you find your boyfriend's steroids, okay?

• 1:58:24Speaker 01

  Don't touch them.

• 1:58:25Theo Von?

  Just, yeah, bring it up to them. Do not get rid of them though, because it can create a man to become violent. I didn't, but you could see how I could. It could be a wild day for someone.

• 1:58:37Speaker 01

  Dude, I'll, I'll say, and I, this is like, I, I've interacted with a couple of people who did the combination of coke and steroids. And that's the most lethal. That's like a dangerous combination. I would, and then if you're already a little bit bipolar and boom, like dude, those steroids, the coke and your bipolar mania hit at the same time. It's like, that was the craziest. I was out to breakfast one time with a guy like that. And he ordered, it was actually kind of alpha, but he like, we're ordering breakfast. He's like, oh, and I'll take a muffin. And can I have that immediately? And I was like, damn, bro. You just hit her with the immediately? He's like, I want that immediately. Not even like, you know, I can have that before. He's like, I want that immediately.

• 1:59:12Theo Von?

  An immediate muffin.

• 1:59:13Speaker 01

  It was boss and it was boss energy, but it was, I remember being struck by that.

• 1:59:17Theo Von?

  Alpha muffin, can have it immediately.

• 1:59:20Speaker 01

  A little urgency behind that.

• 1:59:22Theo Von?

  Yeah.

• 1:59:22Speaker 01

  But yeah, that, that's a wild combo.

• 1:59:24Theo Von?

  Yeah.

• 1:59:26Speaker 01

  How long were you on the broids for?

• 1:59:28Theo Von?

  I was on and off for a few years. I remember the first time I ever did them.

• 1:59:31Speaker 01

  Pills or did you inject?

• 1:59:32Theo Von?

  Shooting.

• 1:59:33Speaker 01

  Damn, that's awesome.

• 1:59:34Theo Von?

  Shooting three pointers. One time, uh. One time, um, my buddy Sean, he sold me some pills. He actually passed away. He died. He, um, drowned. He, I think he-

• 1:59:46Speaker 01

  Shit.

• 1:59:47Theo Von?

  He tried to hide from the police underwater.

• 1:59:49Speaker 01

  No, dude.

• 1:59:50Theo Von?

  Fucking drowned.

• 1:59:52Speaker 01

  That's terrible.

• 1:59:53Theo Von?

  Just, yeah, you just can't do it.

• 1:59:58Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:59:59Theo Von?

  You know, it's, uh, you don't think about it when you're, he was so high. You just thought I can hide underwater.

• 2:00:04Speaker 01

  Bro, I passed, I almost passed out in the pool this summer. I tried to do a back and forth in front of all my friends and I had my daughter's goggles on and they were, bro, they were crushing the sides of my head so hard. I for real went out, came up, my legs were all, and I was, I was like spitting water out. Cause I remember being like, do you ever try to hold your breath super long in a pool and you start like vibrating and shit? I was feeling that. I'm like, bro, I'm so close to getting back and forth. I got that. And all of a sudden I blackout, come to, and I'm up in the water. My lungs are full. I'm like, and then I took two more steps, passed out again, smacked my chin on the side of the pool. My friends were all just laughing. They thought I was like fucking around until I hit myself on the pool. And I came up, I was like, yo, I think I passed out. And they're like, yeah, dude, you passed out twice.

• 2:00:45Theo Von?

  Yeah.

• 2:00:45Speaker 01

  It was-

• 2:00:46Theo Von?

  Start the burgers, man.

• 2:00:47Speaker 01

  Yeah, it was terrifying, dude. It's called meeting the wizard. That's what David Goggins calls it.

• 2:00:51Theo Von?

  Really?

• 2:00:52Speaker 01

  When they, the Marines tra- like train underwater and pass out underwater. Bro, it's fucked up. I could see like when you have people like, oh, he hit and drowned. It's like, dude, if you try to hold your breath too long, you can miss a window and you're just out.

• 2:01:02Theo Von?

  Well, those Kansas City Chiefs fans were partying with their buddy. They left those four dudes dead on his porch.

• 2:01:06Speaker 01

  That was fentanyl. Weren't they doing fentanyl, I think?

• 2:01:08Theo Von?

  It seemed like something was crazy, you know?

• 2:01:10Speaker 01

  Yeah, I think they got coke and they had fentanyl. That shit's terrifying, bro. That's one thing I'm happy I, I never got involved with. Cause that's just like, and everyone's like, everyone I know still does coke, which I'm like, is crazy. They're like, yeah, but dude, like we're testing it. I'm like, no, you're not, dude. You're telling me you're drunk at a bar, you score coke and you're like, hold up, let's test this first. Like, no, you're not.

• 2:01:29Theo Von?

  Yeah. You're the same type of person that mails this shit to somebody. Can you imagine the mail your shit is you're just some dude at a fucking house just pounds of shit just showing up at your door every day. You're just counting fucking money all day.

• 2:01:46Speaker 01

  You're doing it in your garage like Jeff Bezos.

• 2:01:48Theo Von?

  I'm just like, what the fuck dude?

• 2:01:51Speaker 01

  Babe, I'm gonna analyze these turds. Let me analyze these turds.

• 2:01:54Theo Von?

  Babe, come on, I gotta fucking, you know.

• 2:01:56Speaker 01

  It probably just goes right to a landfill and they're like, you need vitamin D and you're like, thank you, sir. Thank you. I think I got tricked, dude.

• 2:02:05Theo Von?

  Yeah, testing your own, at that point, what are you having to do? It's crazy.

• 2:02:10Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 2:02:10Theo Von?

  It's interesting. You have some tour dates coming up, I saw.

• 2:02:14Speaker 01

  Yeah, man, I gotta.

• 2:02:15Theo Von?

  You're in New York next week?

• 2:02:16Speaker 01

  Yeah, I gotta go to the New York Comedy Festival, the Town Hall. I want them sweating that one. I think it should be good, but.

• 2:02:23Theo Von?

  Yeah.

• 2:02:23Speaker 01

  Be fun.

• 2:02:24Theo Von?

  When you're sweating, what do you mean?

• 2:02:25Speaker 01

  Ticket sales. It's going pretty well. I gotta do that one and then Capital One Hall. They just like, they're trying me in theaters right now. The clubs, I feel comfortable. Now they're like, let's do some theaters. So I'm like, fuck. So, you know, just gotta sell all the tickets of a weekend in one day.

• 2:02:38Theo Von?

  I know it's scary.

• 2:02:39Speaker 01

  Yeah, dude, it is scary. But the, it's going all right. You know, it's like, I don't place too much pressure. It's like, it is what it is. I try to promote stuff, but I'm not like, you know, if it doesn't work out, that's just what it is. Like, there's nothing I can do.

• 2:02:49Theo Von?

  Yeah.

• 2:02:50Speaker 01

  So, you know, so that's coming up. So I'm gonna do that. And then, then I get a bunch of other dates coming up till like, basically like May. So, they're all on mattmccusker.com. Whatever, but.

• 2:03:00Theo Von?

  Yeah.

• 2:03:00Speaker 01

  Come check it out.

• 2:03:02Theo Von?

  Yeah, man.

• 2:03:03Speaker 01

  If you want.

• 2:03:04Theo Von?

  Yeah, and congrats, you guys, this podcast is still doing great.

• 2:03:06Speaker 01

  Dude, yeah, we're, this is, this is like the dark night of our podcast. So I'm doing it. I'm just holding it down, dude. Shane's doing the tires and I've been, you know. I've set up a new thing now where I, I have like headset mics and I stand at a podium with, and I have the guests stand at a podium and it's been kind of fun. Changes the energy when you're on your feet. Imagine if you're on our feet this whole time. It's a whole different energy.

• 2:03:26Theo Von?

  Oh, it's a good point, huh?

• 2:03:27Speaker 01

  And you have, you have, your hands are free, you're just on the headset.

• 2:03:29Theo Von?

  You're thinking you're more creative?

• 2:03:30Speaker 01

  Move around. I kind of like it so far. And you have like a podium to lean on. I can put a laptop on this under counter and like, you know, if I need to look at something, I guess.

• 2:03:37Theo Von?

  Yeah.

• 2:03:38Speaker 01

  Fun. I'm really fucking around with it.

• 2:03:40Theo Von?

  Yeah, Ben. Good for you, man. And if you take a walk, sometimes I'll notice if I take a walk with a friend, we have such a better conversation.

• 2:03:46Speaker 01

  Big time.

• 2:03:46Theo Von?

  Or if I take like, one of the things I like to do now, sometimes if I'm even going on a date or something, it's just like, let's just go take a walk. It's like, you kind of get to know somebody is chill, you're in motion, like. And you feel like you did something too, when you like go on a walk.

• 2:03:59Speaker 01

  Dude, that's for me, that's the best cure for when you get the mental zoomies. Hit the fucking road, just walk. It helps so much.

• 2:04:06Theo Von?

  Fucking walk till you're a stepdad.

• 2:04:08Speaker 01

  Yeah. Walk to that new family, dude.

• 2:04:14Theo Von?

  Um, best of luck with all the tickets, man. Well, yeah, if you need a guest too, if I come back, man, I'll have to pop in.

• 2:04:18Speaker 01

  Please, dude, please, that'd be awesome. I got, I got like.

• 2:04:20Theo Von?

  Cause Shane's taping in New York, is that where they're taping?

• 2:04:22Speaker 01

  Philly, yeah, right in Philly. So I got like, um.

• 2:04:24Theo Von?

  Cause Starburst is taping with him.

• 2:04:26Speaker 01

  Yes.

• 2:04:26Theo Von?

  Yeah, I'm gonna see him next week.

• 2:04:28Speaker 01

  Yeah, man. So I got like, I think like seven more weeks of episodes to record before he comes back. So I've, we've, we've made it through. So, you know, it's been fun. It's one of those like, it's been like a learning experience because it's, you know, it's easy. We can do it. We'll do it together. When it was just me, I was just like, fuck, you know.

• 2:04:42Theo Von?

  The dogs, man, they'll be excited whenever he gets back though.

• 2:04:44Speaker 01

  Oh, yeah.

• 2:04:45Theo Von?

  You can hear him, you can hear him barking. They're ready.

• 2:04:47Speaker 01

  They're ready. They're ready. Trust me. They're ready for him to be back.

• 2:04:51Theo Von?

  Uh, tickets at mattmccusker.com. Matt, good to see you, man.

• 2:04:54Speaker 01

  Bro, thank you so much.

• 2:04:55Theo Von?

  Yeah, man. Have a good one.

• 2:04:56Speaker 01

  You too.

• 2:05:24Speaker 06

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• 2:05:33Speaker 06

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• 2:05:41Speaker 06

  And while we can't help you organize your calendar, LinkedIn can help you land more clients so you have a calendar to organize. Grow your small business on LinkedIn. Learn more at LinkedIn.com slash small business.