Giggly Squad
Hosted by Hannah Berner and Paige DeSorbo
We finally discuss the Coldplay cheating scandal and why we'll never go on a cruise. watch our youtube series sign up for our newsletter get merch
12,095 words · 12 speakers
Speaker names marked ? are inferred from speaking time and the show’s known hosts — they are not voice-verified.
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Sup, gigglers?
Gary, fix the Wi-Fi.
Manifest that shit.
We can't be managed.
I mean, the day just got away from me.
What up, my sea glass gigglers? It's the summer still, even though I feel like it's almost over. Stay hopeful, stay wise, love wins.
I don't know why, but in my head, like, whenever we're starting the pod, I try to telepathically think what you're gonna say. And my head immediately went to Grass Fed. Grass-fed gigglers.
See, you know what? You should have stepped in on that one, because sea glass doesn't even start with a G.
It doesn't, but-
But you supported me.
The second word does.
The second word does. And you know what? Life is about perspective. Um, this is my favorite kind of podcast, because, look, there's different energies every time we enter the pod. This one, Paige goes, "Press record, I have things to say." And I said-
I have things to say.
I said, "Yes, ma'am. Yes, ma'am."
First, I, just like, when I'm by myself, and, which is 90% of the time, like, things will happen in my day-to-day, and I'm like, "Wow, the gigglers would really get this." Or like, "Wow, I'd love to call Hannah in this one moment."
Today, I did something so diabolical by myself that I literally giggled the whole way home. So I woke up this morning, did my little hot girl walk, went to acupuncture, like, just like, living my life. And I am someone that is allergic to dairy. And you know what we do? We persevere. We ignore it. It's not for us. It's for a different day. So when I have my coffee in the morning, I'm immediately bloated after.
That's just part of, that's the tax of life.
There's few things you can count on, and that's one of them.
Why do I feel like if I say skim, or if I say oat, it's like, I'm a loser. I lost. Like, I can't-
Your body can't handle it?
You're not strong enough.
That's how I feel. I'm like, grow up and drink the 2%. Like, what?
Yeah.
So I'm, get done with acupuncture, I'm walking back to my apartment. I also have to pee, but I'm also just bloated. And so in my head, I'm like, everyone on the street is like, "Look at this bloated, disgusting girl."
With holes in her face, yeah.
She needs to get her gut checked. Like, something's going on. So I'm feeling really insecure in this, like, two-minute walk that I have home. So you know what I do? I'm on the phone. I'm on the phone at the same time with my friend Stephanie, and we're chatting. And I just put my hand on my stomach, like, this is a pregnant lady's stomach. And I go, you know what? Now, the reaction on the street is, "Look at this soon-to-be mother prioritizing her health." And I'm also in a workout outfit. Prioritizing her health and working out-
Doing prenatal yoga.
Thinking of the baby's health and her own. This is so weird because in my new stand up hour, I have a full bit about this. I don't want to give it away, but like we're on the exact same page. You're an adorable fertile angel instead of someone who-
I'm in my first trimester, okay?
Wait, first trimester girls snaps for you because people don't know. Like people easily think like she's let herself go, but instead you're actually the most nauseous, horrible, like you're not even getting the respect of a pregnant person.
No, people aren't giving you their seat yet.
I know. And then if you do, people are like, and apparently it's the most, it's the most nausea sometimes.
That's gonna be me.
Besides the whole milk that just throws a wretch into everything you do. How's your self-care summer going?
Hannah, I had a moment yesterday where I was like, hold the phone. Is anyone gonna let me know that Sundays in the summer are quite possibly the best day on the planet? Every Sunday in the summer is the best Sunday ever.
You're literally, you're an alien that just got put back on earth and realized what a summer weekend is.
I actually feel like someone who's been in jail.
And then I have to, and they let me out and I did my time.
You have to acclimate back into society.
And I'm acclimating back into society where I'm almost like, oh my God, no, should I go back? Because I don't know how to acclimate. And then finally I'm just like, wait a minute. I mean, yesterday, all I did was organize my, reorganize like my closet and put things in different sections. And like, I'm over color coding things. Like that's my new thing.
I'm obsessed with you.
And let me tell you this, I'm so girly and like I love grooming. Like I've loved-
You would just like brush your hair all day with a spa, like Ariel.
With a spoon.
I've loved it ever since like high school when I like realized that like women are we're grooming. We're always doing things.
And you know, and you know that Daphne is grooming next to you. Like you're both just grooming each other.
Just grooming. And so like I'm on such a good two to three week schedule with all my appointments. I haven't missed one all summer. I mean, I'm doing my lymphatic. I'm doing NAD drips. I'm getting my facials. I'm, I'm going to the acupuncture. I mean, I'm I'm getting my nails done. I'm just, I'm living the best summer life that I've ever lived.
I've basically been touring since COVID opened up. And this was, I was like doctor's orders not to tour this summer. And at first I was like, great. But I do have to say the first couple of weeks, I was not okay. Like I was tweaking, like, you know, when you always feel like you forgot something?
Yes.
Like I was like, did I not, did I, like, I was just on alert. And I finally have hit my suburban girl summer.
Where I don't even know what time it is and I don't care.
It's also probably a little harder for you to relax because you grew up an athlete. Where I just grew up with like an insane mom. So anytime I'm still, I'm like, well, I could be doing more. I could be doing it better. I could be doing more things. When really it's like, maybe take a minute.
Well, I'm back in therapy. Cause when things quiet down for me, then it gets loud. It gets loud up here.
Noisy.
And what I like to do is tell the gigglers what my therapist saying, because let's be honest, my therapist is our therapist.
Remember that time she was like, how about we sing it out?
That was a particularly dark time that she'd run out of strategies. No, she had me, she had me dance off beat.
No, that was, that was hard for all of us.
This isn't, this is a new one. My therapist curses, which I kind of fucking love.
I love that. I love that.
I love it.
Yeah, be real.
She's also, she's over my bullshit. We're three sessions in. She's like, I love it. Um, our latest thing is I win or I learn.
Oh, I love it.
And it takes me into our first documentary recommendation of the week.
Why do I turn into a TED Talk?
Sometimes you turn into like old school radio.
Where you're doing like these little anecdotes in between the top 10 hits.
I'm also like cosmopolitan magazine. And this is how to feel self-esteem again.
Like and that rolls us into yet again, the number one spot.
And here's our weekly quote of the day.
I miss Casey Kasem. Remember that? Do you remember that when we were little? It was like the radio. It was like the top 20 hits on like Saturday morning or something.
I was just like, Z100. And then it's like, do you want to win this ticket? And then listening to the fan and some guy cursing out someone about the Yankees, but.
I went through a phase with my like eighth grade friends that like we would call radio stations and prank phone call them. And my one girlfriend's name would always be Paprika. Through like a really weird phase with that, but like.
That's a good cat name.
We went through a big prank phone call phase.
You love prank phone calling.
I loved prank phone calls in high school.
I could see you doing a TV show about that now. Like, didn't they have like TV shows about prank?
I just think pranking is so funny. It's an art. Yes, it's a literal art. And like, as long as it's not hurting anyone, i- it's fun.
Yeah, and but that's also subjective. You're like, you're fine. And they're like, no.
You're fine.
I'm in therapy again.
You're literally.
I go, you win or you learn. Okay, you win or you learn. But I, there's a Billy Joel documentary.
And this man, um, trigger warning, do you know he tried to kill himself like twice?
I didn't know.
Early on and it is, there is.
In the midst of fame or like before?
Basically, he was a genius and is a genius. Like when he was six, he was just like playing made up fancy things. Like, I don't, I don't know anything about piano, but like they always say some like crazy Russian person's name, like Tchaikovsky or something. That's what he was playing. Chiswahusky, um, Shkridkov, he was doing that.
Above our pay grade?
Chopin.
Yes, yes. Poupon. And then he basically-
Great poupon.
Also, if we said it seriously, people would believe us. They'd be like, "Oh shit, he was good." So he, his dad like didn't respect him though and was mean and his dad left, so whatever, like fuck the dad. The mom is bipolar, alcoholic, but like an icon, we love her, supports him. He's in a band with a guy.
Long story short, he ends up living with the guy and the guy's wife. Billy Joel's best friend and his wife. He ends up, this is literally like a sitcom, he goes, "I'm in love with your wife." He falls in love with the best friend's wife. Now, it's funny because I feel like if, if it was two girls and a guy, if the girl did it, people would be like, "You're a fucking monster." But instead, it was like romantic. People were like, "Oh, he fell in love with her, the wife."
Well, of course.
So like, and obviously the friend was not happy and the wife just like kind of ran away from all of it. And then he started to write like some of his deeper music.
Wait, she left her husband too?
Yeah, she left everyone. She was like, "Fuck this." And he's heartbroken and that's when he wanted to kill himself. And then he gets back together with her, Elizabeth. Yeah.
Okay.
And she becomes his manager. But Billy Joel's career in the beginning, like, nothing was working. Nothing was working. Like by the time he put out The Stranger, which is his album that was like the best selling album ever, he already had like four kind of floppy albums of people who didn't get him. Um, and that's where I fell asleep last night, but I just have to say, the tea's teeing. But his whole thing is just like, he just failed his way to the top, but-
I love it. So did he ever marry that lady?
They got married, but they got married right before he like blew up and I went back to sleep last night right when they were like, he was becoming a star and that's when we knew we lost him.
Okay, and so like the friend, he was just like, "Sorry."
The friend punched him in the face apparently, which again, such a guy move.
Say something like that'll haunt him forever. Don't punch him in the face. Like be creative about it. But that now they're friends again, which is so dude. So dude.
That's so dude.
Like, didn't you scare your wife? And he's like, Billy's a fun guy. Billy's fun.
I feel like if you moved in with me and my husband, the only thing that would happen is I would end up divorced. Like, we would realize that he sucks. We'd get him out, like, there's no-
We would just start turning on him.
Cause we're bored.
Great, now we can like bully someone together.
I'm just there to like end every fight. I'd be like, I see Paige's point.
Yeah, you just like reinforce everything.
But, um-
Oh, my gosh.
The Billy Joel documentary is great, a lot of drama. Also horrible week for cruises. Horrible week for cruises.
I'd go out and say that every week is a horrible week for cruises. I mean, you gotta be a certain type of deranged. You really do.
Wait, have you never been on a cruise?
No, and I never would, because here's the thing, and I know that a lot of people are probably gonna be like, that's so like elitist to say and like, cause cruises are, you get a bang for your buck, so I get like why people like them.
People from Albany go on cruises, like it's not like-
A hundred percent.
It's not like out of your realm.
Like I'm saying, you could have fell into it with the wrong, a quick wrong decision.
Yeah, you hang out with the wrong crowd. You almost get sucked into it. There are multiple times where I've almost been sucked into certain cruises and I'm like-
Yeah, cause they throw a couple Caribbean islands out there and you're like, what's that? What the, unlimited food? I've been on two cruises. I went on a cruise with a boyfriend once.
The thing with cruises for me is you're trapped. You're trapped. That's the only part that I cannot wrap my head around, because not only are you trapped on this vessel, but everywhere you go, it's all the same people.
No one learned from the Titanic. No one learned.
I don't wanna have dinner with the same group of people that like, there's so many opportunity for plotting.
I told this story before, but the first cruise I went on, like the first night, we saw like the hottest guy. I was like seventeen, he must have been like eighteen. So hot in the crowd at one of these stupid shows and my mom and I were like, well, now we have to find him. Couldn't find him all week, but like obsessed with it, like woke up. That was my journey on the voyage. Found him like a couple of nights before the last night. He's so weird and then starts to stalk me for the rest of the trip and I'm running from him.
No, it's like, it's not.
And if that's not a metaphor.
No, I can't ever go on a cruise.
A poop cruise documentary, which I love disturbing documentaries. I couldn't even click on it.
What does that mean?
I think something happened with the plumbing and like there was just poop coming out of everywhere. That's, see like that's, like that's even below my sense of humor.
I'm going overboard.
You know, like, let me die with at least some clean water.
The closest I'm getting to a cruise is a huge yacht. Okay, that's the closest.
And still, we like it docked.
And yeah, and even still, like I'm not going on for a whole, like I gotta go. I gotta be able to get out at any moment.
You can't Irish exit.
No, you can't. And that's my biggest gripe with it.
Unless you, yeah, no, you can't. Unless you a little snorkel with you, but like that's too much admin.
Unless you get into a smaller boat to bring you to land, but it's like, it's so much. I was some, wait, I was some, where was I? And someone used the word admin. And I looked at her like, oh, are you a giggler? And then I remembered that admin is a real word that people use.
You started winking at her. She was like, is your eye okay?
I, she was like, ah, sorry. I'm just like, I'm doing so much admin right now. And I was like, haha. Like, and she just like looked at me and I was like, sorry. Yeah, no, absolutely.
You're like, just a couple of girls being silly. And she's like, I have work to do.
I'm like a woman in stabs. She's like, I'm a receptionist. So like, right.
Um, the second cruise documentary I highly recommend you watch. It's called Where Is Amy Bradley?
Yeah, I keep seeing this everywhere.
Fucking good.
She's in sex trafficking is where she is.
People are unsure. Basically, she disappeared and the truth is when you're on a cruise, this is why you shouldn't really never go on a cruise is when you're in like international waters. There's no one in charge. There's no police, like there's no, it's lawless. So like when she went missing, the cruise people were like, we don't care. We have 2,000 people on this boat that want to get off in Curacao. Um, we're letting them off and now it's a conspiracy theory of like, people have said they've seen her in on various islands. And then some people are like, I think she just jumped off the boat. But she has this tattoo and there's all these random people being like, I saw a girl that looked like Amy. He in Barbados and it's, it's, whoo, it's really, it's dark.
I don't know what happened to her, but I know a man was involved.
A thousand percent she was, and you know what the worst part about it is? She's a lesbian.
And so she did, yeah, and she didn't want anything to do with these men.
And these men, she literally already swore them off. These men, men came into her life.
So anyway, I'm not sure, but keep an eye out for Amy Bradley if you're in the Caribbean right now.
How many years ago was this?
A long time.
Like 20?
Yeah, but like the parents are still doing everything they can to find her. And there's, there were photos that were leaked online of like from a prostitution ring. And it was a woman that looked just like her.
No, the men have to be stopped. They're so annoying. Can't they just like chill out for a second, like literally calm down for a minute?
No, I know. Also, like you're in the Caribbean, take a nap.
Okay. You know, we never like talked about, which I feel like we have to talk about now because I, this element to it is just so fun. We never talked about the couple at the Coldplay concert.
My God, we never did.
And just like how much, I mean, national attention and how they just deep dived into all these people, all these people's lives. Two things I want to mention. One, did you see the wife of the guy, her like put out a statement?
What did she say?
She basically put out a statement of like, I'm not putting out a statement in, as like a distressed woman, or like whatever, I'm putting this statement out of like, basically of my truth and like standing on business. Like it's not clocking to people, you know, like she was basically like, yeah, he fucked up, but don't worry about me, essentially, like I will be fine.
And then the company that he worked for, which I'm pretty sure like he started,
hired Gwyneth Paltrow to do like about, like an about me, like about the company. And I just, this is why I stay standing Gwyneth Paltrow. I mean, if it wasn't good enough-
Is the company trolling him?
Essentially. Well, they're basic, whoever runs the social media or PR at this company is phenomenal. They're basically just capitalizing on like, everybody now searching what their company even is. So it's Gwyneth Paltrow being like, you might be wondering what astronomer is, and it's just her saying what the company is.
See, I saw her, I saw her say astronomer and I was like, that is a company for astrologies, astrology.
Yeah, I, it's like for astronauts, it's how they build their stuff.
No, but like, it's like, tell me what's gonna happen if my moon's in Venus.
I think it actually is like something AI, but whatever. But we don't know, we don't know, that's like, we don't care. He supposedly is suing Coldplay.
Which-
For him to be suing Coldplay and then for Gwyneth to just be cashing a check. Off of like her ex-husband's back.
I Something feels right.
I still live by her in that courtroom saying, I wish you well.
That's your favorite quote of all time.
It's my favorite quote. It's my favorite quote.
There's something that irks me when a man makes money off women, but even Gwyneth Paltrow making money off this, that's how it should be.
And I love it.
Like, that's how we beat the patriarchy. But the guy suing is, it's giving gaslighting. I'm like, if you didn't want that to happen, maybe you should, that's like when a guy cheats on you and then gets mad that you told your friend. It's like, then don't do it.
Then don't do it.
If you don't want people to react, don't do it. Rich people are so used to getting everything they want and he got cocky. He got cocky.
So cocky. Going to a, it's not even going to a public place. You went to an arena that is meant to be filled. I mean, do you ever, ever going to concerts? You see the most random people you've ever seen in your life. You're like, that was my best friend from third grade.
The goal of a concert is to get on the Jumbotron.
I mean, I've only been trying for years.
We're trying for years. Don't act like you didn't know there's a Jumbotron. That's everyone's, the only reason you do it is that one day they put the camera on you for three seconds.
Also, you're, you're hugging her from behind. It, it, you didn't have to do that. You could have been standing next to her and nothing would have happened. And be an adult. It was just so weird.
Part was the friend who's like beet red next to them. And someone was like, we need to do a Hulu, like deep dive documentary on the friend and what's going on.
I actually felt bad for that girl because I feel like people were really hating on her. Like, oh, she obviously knows. She's like laughing. Like, this is funny to her. Like, as someone who also laughs when they get nervous, like she was probably so stressed out in that moment and couldn't do anything but smile.
No, a hundred percent. What'd you want her to do? Start crying? Also, she's no responsibility. Leave that girl alone. She's innocent.
These people are adults. Like, they're making their own decisions.
But that's some karmic, that's some karmic shit. And that, that was the universe. Um, if you wonder, what are the chances? It was a small chance and it happened.
The fact that everyone in America knew about it is so, I mean, I, I, I don't, I don't know how they move on.
Well, we're in this very strange time in the world where when something goes viral. Like, it's a great thing in that people can go viral, your career can blow up in a day, but also people's lives can be ruined in a day. And it's kind of terrifying. It's a very
It's beyond terrifying. And here's the other thing. There's kids involved in this. And the only people that are really suffering right now are all of those kids. Because think about just like, I couldn't imagine going to school this September after your dad just went viral for cheating on your mom. Like, they're the only people that I'm like even thinking about.
But now I like need to know what happens with the saga. Like, are they still together?
Yeah, like are they leaning in? Are they all getting divorced?
Are they starting a new company about, um, how to not be caught cheating? Like, I don't know. I want to see the journey. Um, but I do worry about people's mental health with all these things. Like even the wife, who did not ask for this kind of attention to be exposed.
Here's the other thing. Like, they could have been separated from their partners. And like, people could have not, I mean, they weren't. But people could have not known that and still like dove right into these people's lives. I just like, I feel bad for the wife, obviously. And I feel bad for all the kids of each family.
I also, it's funny that if they didn't act so fucking weird and obvious, no one would have known. Like, if they just held the hug.
If they just stood on business.
Nothing would have been posted.
If you just said it with your chest, no one would have cared.
Also, it's so interesting because I feel like, obviously, like 90% of like cheating happens at work. Because you're like with that person all the time. Which is like terrifying, because like every time your spouse like goes to work, like they could potentially be cheating.
It's terrifying because we have no one to cheat with because we work alone.
No.
You're like, wait a second.
I literally was like, how great for our husband.
That we're just getting yelled at by Grace.
We're just being called millennials by Grace. And that's my work day.
We have our cats.
Literally all I was thinking about. I was like, oh, my future husband's gonna like love, it's just me and Hannah. Unless I do go lesbian.
No, but, no, but let's be honest. Your husband will be jealous of us, but like, that's again, none of my business. None of my business.
And I, and I want him to be, you know?
He should.
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We have to give credit where credit's due.
And that's to Quince.
We really love Quince. Everyone in our family loves Quince. And it's priced 50 to 80% less than similar brands, which is what I get a high off of. I get a kick off of.
And the holiday season is coming. If you don't know what to buy, someone truly just go to Quince. I actually gifted myself recently all new bath towels. Cause after a couple of years, you're like, gross, I gotta get new bath towels.
What did you like about them?
They're so big. Like they're.
And they're like
Thick, yeah. And they're like, yeah, I'll put me and my whole family in this towel.
I need new towels, I'm gonna buy them. They also work directly with ethical factories and cut the middlemen. So that's how they're able to have such affordable and high quality. They have 100% Mongolian cashmere sweaters.
I have a navy blue one. It's always with me because it's small enough that like you can throw it in your bag, but it is warm enough that you don't need another piece.
They also have really cool rugs. I know, check out their rugs.
I should.
And they have really good like leather bags and jewelry. Like literally anything you want is at Quince.
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you can still get 20% off your first month. Sign up and get 20% off at betterhelp.com slash giggly squad. That's betterhelp, H E L P dot com slash giggly squad. I want to be like, wow, your connection with Hannah is like so good.
Wait, we have so many things to announce. Wait, let's, let's do some admin first.
Yeah. Wait, why do I not know what we're announcing? I'm scared.
First, let me announce that, um, okay, so on Thursday, the 31st, Daphne is restocking their Order In shirt, which is basically like the button-up shirt that can go over everything. And then a full summer restock will be August 26.
So the Order In shirt's available July 31st and the full summer restock is August 26.
Admin.
And then our next announcement is Hannah and I are going to be on the Jimmy Fallon Show, not one night, but two nights.
And what are we doing?
We are filling in for the announcer who is on vacation and they said, hmm, who could we get to fill in this role that's loud and doesn't stop talking? Let's call Hannah and Paige. So we will be announcing the Jimmy Fallon Show on Tuesday and Wednesday of this week.
So I think that means we're like, hello, my gorgeous giglets.
Yeah, literally, they're like, they're like, you know what? They've announced things before.
They go, you know, Hannah's so good with the intros.
What are the fans called of Jimmy Fallon? Like something, a word with an F?
The, the Jimmians.
Yeah, something. We'll figure something out. I'm sure there will be a script, but.
Yes, hopefully there is a script. But let's be honest, it's for the fits. We're gonna come fits, maybe we'll make some TikToks, but.
It's for the fits.
But Jimmy Fallon, you know, late night is, you know, going through a difficult time, so they, they called the big guns, which is the Giggly Squad.
And then for our final announcement.
What is it?
I will be going to Hannah's house this weekend for two nights.
We will just be enjoying a leisure Hamptons weekend this weekend. Hannah has so much planned, but she also said we don't have to do any of it.
Yeah, like I'm gonna plan everything so we could cancel it. So we get even higher high when we're laying down. I feel, I don't know, it's like so exciting. I feel like I'm a kid and my mom finally said my best friend could come over for a sleepover. And I wanted to go perfectly, but I also like, don't want her to feel any pressure. And Dez is nervous. Dez is like being a resort manager and like running around talking about the grass. He's like, this grass is dry. Why is this grass dry? I'm like, okay, just calm down. My mom called me, she's like, can you make sure it's clean for Paige? I'm like, yes, everyone calm down.
No, it feels like our moms, like work schedules aligned and they were like, okay, this weekend is the weekend for you guys. I'm so excited. I actually thought about like making a pasta salad and like bringing a pasta salad with me. There's just so many things.
We can go full suburban mom. Like we can wake up, go to Pilates, come back.
Like complain about something. Go tan, jump in the pool, complain about more stuff.
I'm gonna absolutely like have a cocktail.
Oh, yes.
I'm gonna have a cocktail.
At like a very random hour and no one's gonna know, like you're not giving, tell me you're drinking it.
Yeah, I'm just gonna like crack open a cocktail. I think that we'll probably like play some tennis.
A hundred percent. And we may play golf. It's possible. The problem with golf is it's so time consuming. And I don't like being trapped. It's giving like the, it's giving a cruise of sports. Like you can't just leave the golf course.
I do wanna swim from one end of the pool to the other and I do want you to time me.
Yes, and we can do mermaids. We can do, um, what, what's it called? Handstands? Um, we can see how long we could go underwater for. I do have extra goggles if you need.
Oh, perfect.
And we're gonna be reapplying our SPF.
And I'm bringing kitty.
And you're bringing kitty who.
It's really, it's a cat sanctuary.
Has she been to the Hamptons?
She hasn't.
Wait, we're gonna do Summer House Daphne Butter Edition and see how many fights they get into.
I kind of love that, just like throwing them in a room together and being like, what do you think?
I feel like Butter will get arrested.
Yeah. No, I'm so excited.
I'm so excited. I'm so happy. Um, also I have an update. This is like very intrusive about my life, but I feel like we're there with the gigglers. My birthday's coming up.
I'm turning 29 and I, Dez and I, like you start kind of running out of gifts. Like we're year five and like, you know, you've kind of shown all the tricks, all the obvious ones you've gotten. And I feel like last birthdays, we didn't do that well. Like I've definitely fucked up a couple of presents and he has also. But he surprisingly looks at me and he goes, by the way, I got you a really good present this year. And I was like, oh, interesting.
Yeah, and I feel like this isn't even like a big, like next year, I feel like is a big one for you.
Yeah, I just thought it was interesting that he like, cause off the top of my head, I'm like, is there something obvious that I've been wanting? But then I was on the phone with my mom and my mom, I love to throw, I normally don't know what I want at all. And I was talking to my mom and she's like, what's something that you might want? And I go, you know, and Dez is sitting next to me and I go, you know, I would love a painting set. Like I, like imagine me in the Hamptons with like the sun coming in, a little coffee, a little cat on my lap. And I'm painting, free painting, free balling, whatever comes to my heart.
You're Rachel McAdams in The Notebook.
A hundred percent. And might I put it on Etsy, might I not? I don't know. But I'm just painting and feeling myself. And Dez goes, whoa, whoa, whoa. That's what I got you.
You literally gave it away?
Wait, what? And he goes, you know, a giggler messaged me and told me that she thinks you'd love a painting set. So full circle moment, the gigglers told Dez what I want before I even knew I wanted it.
No, not the gigglers, literally.
Running my marriage?
The gigglers better be ready for when I get engaged, so that like, the man knows what rang. I mean.
No, but like Dez reads his DMs from the gigglers and like he stays posted on my life. So the gigglers will give him little piece of advice when he's not with his other family. They're like, by the way, when you come back to Hannah.
They're so thoughtful.
No, the gigglers know me more than anything and I, I feel like.
I didn't even think,
in the five years that you've been married, I haven't thought once to text Dez and be like, hey, you should probably get her that. Like, hasn't even crossed my damn mind.
No, it's like so adorable. And I think it's because we did Hannah and Paige try new things and they saw this like, you know, deep love of painting that I'd been suppressing for so long. And they said, I'm going to message your husband. And he was receptive.
I miss Hannah and Paige try new things.
Everyone does.
No, I miss it so frickin' much. Actually, I was in an Uber the other day and I was just like thinking of random things that would be so funny if we tried.
This is the thing, if you say like Hannah and Paige, can you try this? We'll be like, no. But if they're like, can you do it for content for the gigglers? We're like, cancel all my plans, we're going. Like, it actually is a cool way to force us to do things. I wanna try like, um, glass, you know, when you like create glass art?
I think we should start like a shared note of like really intense things that we, like bucket list item things that we legitimately should try.
But I'm not jumping off a plane.
No, well, we're not like, there's no near death.
Unless we're having a bad week.
Unless we need views, like unless it's getting really grim out here. We go, okay, is Hannah gonna survive? Pop culture moment.
I have a celebrity couple I'm obsessed with.
Can I try and guess?
New couple, old cup, like?
They're like fairly new and like they were kind of in the press for a second, now they're kind of back.
Fairly new, in the press for a second, now they're kind of back. Are they?
It's really adorable.
Are they Gen Z or are they millennial?
Neither.
Neither. Okay, so they're older. Meryl Streep and Martin Short?
Obsessed with them.
Mm-hmm, but that's not who you're thinking of?
But it's, it's that vein.
She's famous, he's famous. They're both famous.
Yep.
Older, um, uh, uh, Jennifer Aniston and whoever the new guy is?
No, this woman also has been involved in like a lot of public love stuff.
A lot of public love stuff?
And she's kind of had her redemption story recently. Like, she's on her redemption.
Lindsay Lohan?
I don't know. Give it to me. Give me the first letter.
P. P.
Pete Davidson?
Like, wait.
She's not her redemption story.
I was like, wait, he's a millennial.
P A, P A M.
Pamela Anderson and Liam Neeson.
Have you seen them?
I have seen them.
So I'm also biased because I love Irishmen.
And he is this older, funny, cool Irishman that like is obsessed with her. Also Liam Neeson is hot.
Hot.
And he's big.
And he's, he's dangerous, but he's also tired, which you know I love. Like, he could have back in the day punched someone out, but he doesn't want to anymore. I don't want him to have the energy to get into a bar fight, but I want to look like he's won a couple of bar fights back in his day.
Yes, yes.
And they're like adorable on the red carpet. I don't know. And old people in general are adorable, so.
You want to know what else? He's very masculine. Like, he's very manly. There's just something about him where you're like, I'd be safe with him. And that, isn't that ultimately the only thing we want? Like where you feel like you can turn your brain off and be like, safe? And he gives that, he gives both of those so immediately.
Mm-hmm. Yeah. And she, I feel like he's so not her traditional type. Hard, like, I know he's an actor, but like, musicians, men are so emotional.
Well, creatives, I feel like are so emotional, and that's why I can't do it.
And that you tend to be narcissistic because you're always like, my art, like a man being like, my art, my, to express my feelings. Like, no, no, no, no.
And it's like, if they're sitting in a glam chair at any point in their lives, get the fuck away from me. Get 10 feet securely away from me.
But I love Billy Joel. I love Billy Joel. He's allowed to sing. He's allowed to sing because he has a voice like an angel.
Because he's of a different era.
But he also like talks like a trucker from Long Island. He's like, I'm Billy Joel. But he, and he doesn't want the fame. That's what, if a man is an artist, I want them to be like, a tortured genius that didn't want the attention, but they just have to do it to survive. But like, they don't want a photo shoot promotion.
Like if someone's like, you have to do a spread on this magazine. They were like, what's a magazine?
No. No. I don't want my man ever doing a spread. Oh, don't do a spread.
If you do a spread, my legs will never spread for you.
Never, never.
Never. Um, so I'm obsessed with them. I'm tracking them. I'm checking in. Let's, uh, fuck love, young love. Young love to me is depressing. Young love, I'm like, they're gonna break up soon.
Well, there's so many variables.
There's so many variables. Old love, they've seen some shit.
They're wise.
They're wise. There's a reason they're with each other. And also, it could be the last one.
Also, there's something about a widower, a wi- you know, that it's just like, he actually, he didn't get divorced. His wife passed away. Like, and that is, I could cry. It's that, there's something so much more endearing. So it's not like he has this like, you, there's never the chance of him being like, oh, my fucking ex-wife. You know, like, that seems icky to me. He would say, oh, my adoring, my late wife. Oh, what a gut punch.
You wouldn't be jealous of his late wife? You wouldn't be like, well, you thinking about her?
Let me think if I am jealous.
This is a hot topic.
I'm a hundred percent jealous because you wanna know why? It's even worse. Because you can't be like, oh, that crazy bitch, because you can't speak ill of the dad, of the dead.
Yes, that's such bad karma. And two, because she, he'll always love her more because he can't get her. And men love that. Men love a girl that is unattainable. And she, that bitch won. She was like, you can't have me.
And let me tell you something. I'm jealous of a high school girlfriend. I wanna, I'm most jealous of the girl you lost your virginity to. Tell me about her.
Oh, don't, no, don't tell me about her because I will be livid.
I'll be livid. I don't wanna know about her.
I'm not really thinking about her. I'm thinking about the first one you ever loved.
Why is there something more powerful? Like, there's one like, oh yeah, I got the guy and like the other girls didn't. But there's something more powerful about you being like, one of the exes.
Wait, I didn't follow that. Sorry, that's rare for me, but you you lost me halfway through.
There's something powerful. I love being a girl that he never got, more than the girl that he got.
Yes, I feel like I have a lot of different men in my life where like all I'll see them on my Instagram and I'll be like, oh, that's my ex-boyfriend, but we never dated. But there's something that it feels like we dated.
And like, you know, and I feel like an ex, but I'm not.
Well, if you had like a crush phase, that's sometimes way deeper and more traumatizing than going on three dates with a guy than crushing on a guy for six months. Crushing a guy for six months, that's dog years. That's forty-two years.
I had sex with a guy like twice and he ruined my life for like two years and he did nothing, you know, it was really just me internally. I was like, he's ruining my life and everyone, all my friends are like, you guys haven't spoken in a year, but continuously ruining my life.
But then like when you think of him, you're like, is that because he is thinking of me? And sometimes he is.
Don't get me started on that. Do you know how many times I've woken up from a dream and I've dreamt of someone and I'm like, clearly they're thinking of me, I should text them.
Don't, don't. Um, also, speaking of zaddies, the show Untamed on Netflix is with Eric. Eric Bana, who, zaddy?
I keep seeing it, but I haven't clicked.
The why I think you might like it, it is about murder, which is why I love it, but aesthetically, it's so beautiful because it's in Yosemite Park. Not to be confused with Yosemite, which is not how you pronounce it. So Yosemite, it's just like beautiful outdoorsy stuff, but you don't have to physically be there hiking. You could like appreciate it from your couch. So I like liked looking at the water and the beautiful mountains and the greenery.
Oh, okay. So you loved the the cinematic style, the stylistic choices that the director chose.
And a hot, grouchy older man, which just like turns me on.
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Computers are getting smarter. Silicon Valley's getting weirder. And AI is taking over. At least that's what everyone keeps telling us. Welcome to Machine Gods, a new NPR podcast that will be your field guide to the AI-powered future. We're veteran tech journalists with front-row seats to the industry. And twice a week, we'll make sure you get smarter about AI so you know what's real, what's hype, and what might come next. Listen to Machine Gods from NPR on the NPR app or wherever you get your podcasts.
I just like, I have no, this, this summer was just so interesting. We had no theme, we had no shows.
I love when you're talking about it like it's over.
It's basically over. We had, here's the one thing, people like talking about pumpkin spice in the fall. I'm not that out of touch with reality. Like, I'm grateful for the season and the moment we're in.
But we're too deep into summer to now have a theme, or have a song, or have a show. We've missed it.
Wait, you're right, there's no song. And I actually have to say something, because I know Hailey, Hailey Bieber listens to the pod, and I want to make a quick update. I want to apologize to the Academy.
That you didn't give the album the proper lesson?
I didn't.
Mm-hmm. And have you since?
I'm fucking obsessed with the new Justin Bieber album.
No, Hannah, because it's probably one of my favorite albums. It's definitely in my top three of like, favorite albums of all time.
Wow.
Like, and, and you, and you know that means something coming from me, who's not really musically inclined. I have that album on all day in my apartment. And again, not me to my core.
And you know what's cool about the album? I feel like sometimes musicians, again, Justin Bieber's a genius. And when you're first coming up, everyone's like, they're a genius, they're a genius. Then you blow up, and then you get so big, everyone starts hating on you, like, he's not as good, he's not that good. And I, I feel like he probably missed, like, being respected as like, this like, underground, cool artist, because you can't be underground once you're so big. But this album felt like underground, just like, from his heart. And I said, I said it didn't have, um, choruses, that was false. That was false. It has tons of choruses. I'm obsessed with the song Yukon.
It, I like- Because it's just so good. The, every song is so good.
He has so much swag.
And you want to know what I'm so thankful for? Especially because Gen Z, you know, like, look, they've got all their new words, and all their new slang, and like, I'm trying to keep up, and I'm trying to, like, sound cool, and I'm trying to, like, clock things, and I'm trying to, like, purr, and all this stuff.
I still, I use the word swag all the time. And I felt as though I shouldn't have been using it anymore because I'm like, oh my God, that's like not a cool word anymore. But when I describe guys to my friends or even my mom, like you know how like you can describe a guy like there's just something about them. Like they have such a swag to them and that's the only word that does like a good description and I felt like it was dying. And now that he's made his album titled Swag, I was like, thank you, because this is jargon that I use in my everyday life.
It's, it's almost like a vintage moment for it.
It just describes things so perfectly. Like I'm not sitting here being like, yeah, but like his riz. I would, I'd sooner rather die.
No, and I'm hanging out with a Gen Z teenager all summer, which by the way, I lowkey got some hate. Cause you know, I was joking where he's like, what's for, what's for lunch? And I'm like, go hunt something. And people were like, his mom's not gonna like how you're treating him. First of all, kids need to learn how to deal with adversity. Second of all, I got a breakfast burrito this morning, gave him half my burrito. I said, now if anyone says shit about me not taking care of you, you, I gave you half my burrito. He's like, can I have the whole thing? And I'm like, no.
Also, there seems like something illegal about like taking care of a 16 year old. Like that's.
Me and him are like the same age where literally I'm a child, he's a child. I'm not taking care of a child.
He should be getting us food.
He's a hundred percent. I'm a, a girl. I'm a literal girl. Respect your elders. Um, but we, I literally sat down with him and he was telling me all these SoundCloud rappers, but then I realized, then I was asking him like, do you fuck with Drake? Do you fuck with Lil Wayne? Do you like Akon? Do you like Justin Bieber? And I realized like my generation, the older generation, like our parents' generation, the music was so different. But our music is actually so similar to Gen Z's. So we started listening to Drake together and like rapping together and Dez is like, what are you guys doing? And then he really liked the Crocs I was wearing. And then I was like, am I a 16 year old boy? He asked for my shorts. You know, I have, I have these like long shorts I wear around the house.
He was like, can I have these? And I was like, yes. And if anyone says I don't take, take care of you. Say, I gave you the clothes off my back.
Off your back.
Wait, and then I got these like really um ugly colored New Balance shoes. And he was like, wait, they're really cool. And I was like, you can have them. Cause I felt cool.
Do you get called Aunt Hannah? Or just Hannah?
He calls me Hannah.
Well, he's like, it's, it's almost like he's too old to now call you Aunt Hannah.
I love him though. Like he's my child and the other one who's 13, I love him too. But I'm like new to the family. I'm like the new aunt.
So I'm like, I have, I sometimes am like trying to be too much like the fun aunt. Like I'm like, you guys can tell me anything. And Des is like, leave them alone. I asked him about tampons and Des was like, please stop. I'm like, he's 16. Like this is health. This is woman's health.
You're like handing out condoms?
You're not a regular mom, you're a cool mom?
Just tell me. No, I like literally don't drink, so I, I can't even help him get a beer.
But there is, he was telling me some new words. I'm trying to find it in my notes. But I, oh, okay. M- mutt. No, I actually don't know it. There's a word for when you take a picture with someone and they make you look ugly. Cause they're so good looking. But I don't know what it is. Also, he says, what's good mud?
Mud? No, I can't with the kids. Wait, one thing I did want to bring up, um, since we're talking about like nostalgia.
Have you tried the, have you had the snack wrap?
The McDonald's snack wrap?
Yeah. Is there any other snack wrap?
No, I haven't. But like, I need to.
Oh, I've had it twice already. It came out on July 10th and so obviously I got it on July 10th and then I got it again.
Like a week ago.
They're so good. They're amazing. And I just want to put some respect on the millennials who single-handedly fought to bring that back. And it's like, if.
Well, let's be honest. Like wraps are not a trend. They're here to stay.
And I'm sick of people being like
being like they're just having their moment. No, they're part of the food group. And you could get a whole grain.
You know what? And people forget about them and they and they dismiss wraps as if they're not
As if they're less than a sandwich when honestly, people respect burritos. People don't question a burrito, but then a wrap comes and they go, what is this half ass sandwich?
No one's ever questioning a burrito. If anything, they're like, that is a fat burrito. Where when it comes to, when it comes to a wrap, they're, yeah, they're, they're, they're side eyeing it. They're snarling at it.
Yeah, like it's some weird health thing, but you know what?
I need a carbohydrate with my shit.
Like, I, I need something, I don't even know what a carb is, but I need it.
I really think that I need to like wean off of carbs and dairy. I mean, after this weekend, because I feel like this weekend is just gonna be like a dairy fest.
I have lactaid.
It's gonna be just like a cheese weekend, a cheesy weekend. But it's really fucking up my stomach, but like a wrap is a great solution to like a baguette.
Do you think your anxiety gives you stomach aches?
Um, totally, but I'm gonna be honest, I can't tell you the last time I had like
She goes, I'll be honest, never felt anxiety before.
What is anxiety? Sorry.
Which is so funny because someone tagged me in something that said, my friend had a paddock attack, but she called it a Paige DeSorbo and she goes, I just had a Paige DeSorbo.
No, I love it so much.
I just had a PD.
Last time I felt like I was having anxiety was Love Island, but I was about to pass out. So it's like, I actually can't be held liable for that.
Yeah, that was your body like telling you you're gonna die. So I feel like that was valid.
I haven't taken a beta blocker all summer, have I? Oh no, I took one when I had to speak at Create and Cultivate in LA, but
And the time party.
No, any of my stomach aches this summer have literally just been induced by dairy.
And honestly, I love that for me. I'm so proud of myself.
Cause you know what? Let me just say something. We're women. We deal with like real pain. A stomach ache followed by diarrhea takes 20 minutes out of my day.
Light work. If-
Light work! Light work.
I welcome it. I welcome it.
And my husband be like, "What are you doing?" And I'm like, "I have diarrhea." And he gets all worried and I go, "Buh buh buh." This is just part of this long, beautiful day I have. And this is one of the moments of this day that I'm so grateful to be alive for.
I actually had a dream the other night that I was about to have diarrhea and I woke up, had diarrhea. Okay?
Put it in the loop.
Not only are women intuitive,
but we're working on our schedules as we're sleeping.
And I've never been more connected to myself.
Thank you for waking me up. I do have to use the bathroom.
When you're about to have your period, do you dream about your period? That happens to me.
I always have a dream that I have my period and I wake up with it.
Well, I never get my period, but-
Oh, sorry.
Wait, you know what's so fun about also having a cat is like, she doesn't even know the exciting things that are about to happen. Like I literally just looked at Daphne on the couch and I wanted to be like, "You don't even know that we're going to Hannah's this weekend."
Wait, you guys, I'm, okay, I'm a little sad because we have, remember my first three fosters, Hazelnut, Cashew and Peanut?
All accounted for?
No. Hazelnut got adopted by Andrew Collin and Brenna, who are my very close friends. I'm very happy I kept her in the family. So I can check on her and honestly-
You'll be able to see her.
Every now and then I'm like, "Fuck, should I have kept Hazelnut? Like, I love her."
And they're cat people. They have cats.
Oh yeah, they're gonna, she's gonna be happy. It's, it's literally like when you meet a guy who's great. But you're like, it's just not right timing and then he meets someone else and you're like, kinda jealous, but you know you can't be. You're like, it wasn't for me. I can't be jealous.
It wasn't for us. And if it was written in the stars, it'll come back to me.
A hundred percent. I'll steal her. If I knew her, I'll steal her.
It's just, yeah.
So, and I'll just be like, can I come over and then I'll take her. And Peanut and Cashew, Cashew's like a little bit shy and they're kinda bonded, so the shelter is basically saying, take them together.
Cause they're so good together, but it's harder to get two cats adopted together, cause people are like, yeah, I want one, I don't want two. But I'm be honest, one and two, same thing, and they have each other to cuddle with, so please, you guys, Peanut and Cashew are so fucking amazing and so cute, if you like orange cats that are incredible. But now, I have a problem on my hand, because I have this incredible, incredible outgoing girl, and her name, they did name her yesterday, her name's Cupid.
Cupid?
Yeah, we call her QQ. We call her Cupid.
Hannah, I don't wanna pressure you, but like, why can't, why can't this be your cat, though?
First of all, Butter would slit her wrist. Second of all, she wants affection all day. Like, she's one of those cats you see on Instagram where the cat's like on your chest, and I love this baby so much, she's right now just like lying on my shoe right next to me.
I literally can't wait to get there.
Cause I travel too much, like, I don't, I want her to be with someone that can like cuddle her all day. Like, you work from home, you want a best friend, she, like, she's, oh, she's just like, but also, she's just the best cat ever.
And then we have Rose and Jack, also known as Jack Black, but also Titanic reference. And they're so beautiful and so cute as well, but they're more like, they're, they're like very beautiful looking, where Cupid is like a silly runt of the litter.
So anyway, they're gonna be available for adoption, but like, that's, that's up to my life. Um, but naming cats is my new hobby. Like, you know how you like to name, um, nail polish? I name cats.
Yeah, I like that for you. And has Butter? Come out of her room at all.
It was actually kinda sad. Last night, I have two cats on my stomach, as I do. And I look through the glass door and Butter's sitting there, just staring at me like, are you, you fucking slutty cunt bitch? And she, but she's also just like, how could you do this to me? How could you do this to me?
She runs back to the bedroom. She says, do not trust this.
This fugly slut. But her face was, it was so funny. But then Dez was like, oh my god. And she's looking at me like, how dare you? How, how could I trust you? I trusted you.
And she was also like, ew, like they're not even that cute. They're not even that cute.
Okay, but then when you go to bed at night, Butter, like-
Butter, so this is actually so sad. I cuddle, I'm watching my murder dogs, I'm cuddling with the kittens, and then I shut the door, I leave them in the kitty room. I get to bed, Dez is asleep, she's on my pillow waiting for me. Rolled up.
Stop.
Rolled up, so... This is, this is my summer, but it is kinda crazy, cuz I'm literally on the road September to March.
Oh.
And I hate to say it.
Hmm, you're excited.
I am, but I also like got spoiled traveling with you, where I'm like, wow, like it's so much more fun to travel and do this stuff with your best friend.
Cuz I'm like-
Maybe I'll come for some of the weekends.
You won't.
No, I won't.
You should see, I'll be like in a random place. I'll be like in Wichita, Kansas, and they'll, someone like thirty minutes in will be like, where's Paige? And I'm like, not, she not wanna come here.
Somewhere with air conditioning, I'd assume.
Okay, great, we have Oklahoma, Madison, Kansas.
No, we love all you states, we love them all, equally. Um, you guys, thank you so much for giggling with us, we love you. See us on Fallon, look out for Daphne Drop. Get tickets to my tour coming up, I just announced Carnegie Hall, which is cool in like November.
That's so cool.
Yeah, it'll be fun, um, and other dates, so we love you, and we'll talk to you later. Bye.
Hey Richmond, Mark Smith, Midas Richmond. 2026, we have been doing what we do for 29 years. Total Car Care, Total Community Care. In 2026, we are donating $365,000. A thousand dollars a day for the nonprofits we've historically supported. Gooch and Cares, Shalom Farms, St. Joseph's Villa, Ask, the Colonial Heights Food Pantry, everybody we've helped over the years. These are important things making a big impact in our society right now. Total Car Care, Total Community Care, that is Midas Richmond.
Mr. Monopoly here. Miss me? Monopoly is back at McDonald's with millions of prizes. A 2027 Jeep Cherokee, a Carnival Cruise vacation, gift cards from DoorDash, and Best Buy. Feel free to play in the McDonald's app. Get your bag.
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