MBMBaM 760: ImMaxulate Conception

Happy Easter – we’re pretty sure that’s canon! This year we’re celebrating with very specific spy training, celebrity-loaded sauce launch parties, and our continuing profound obsession with George Geef. Suggested talking points: Faith-Based Content, Is Young Sheldon Smarter Than Einstein?, The Muscles Need to Know It, Pickle-Blasted Flexibility, I Think A Lot About Brain Stuff National Immigration Project: https://nipnlg.org/

Speaker names marked ? are inferred from speaking time and the show’s known hosts — they are not voice-verified.

• 0:00Speaker 00

  The McElroy brothers are not experts and their advice should never be followed. Travis insists he's a sexpert, but if there's a degree on his wall, I haven't seen it. Also, this show isn't for kids, which I mention only so the babies out there will know how cool they are for listening. What's up, you cool baby?

• 1:10Travis McElroy?

  Hello, everybody, and welcome to our Brother My Brother, me and advice show for the modern era. I'm your oldest brother, Justin McElroy. What's up, Trav Nation? It's me, your middlest brother Travis Vroom Vroom McElroy.

• 1:19Griffin McElroy?

  I'm trying to decide, Trav, and maybe you could help me make this choice, whether or not to let that slide or make it part of it. Make it like a sort of diegetic part of the show.

• 1:29Travis McElroy?

  I think it's part of it.

• 1:30Griffin McElroy?

  Why did you say Happy Easter, Juice? Why did you start this? It's after Easter as we record this. I know that there's a gap between this.

• 1:37Travis McElroy?

  Well, that was before the, that wasn't in the recording.

• 1:39Griffin McElroy?

  It was. I said it. It is. Me and Travis.

• 1:43Travis McElroy?

  Because now we've referenced it, it must be.

• 1:44Griffin McElroy?

  It's diegetic.

• 1:45Travis McElroy?

  Do you see how we did it? Because in my head, I was thinking about how I went to see the Minecraft movie with my kids.

• 1:51Griffin McElroy?

  Uh huh.

• 1:52Travis McElroy?

  And when I went to see the Minecraft movie, I saw that they were showing episodes of the Jesus TV show, The Chosen, which is. Oh.

• 2:00Griffin McElroy?

  No, the other Jesus.

• 2:03Griffin McElroy?

  And by the way, in the finale of Lost, when they reveal that it is Perfect Strangers? Just a huge Christian allegory. I felt personally betrayed by that.

• 2:10Travis McElroy?

  Yeah, they were shown episodes of Chosen. It's a TV show about Jesus that has made $800 billion. And the other thing is- Is Jesus working with a detective to solve crimes? Because if not, I'm not interested.

• 2:20Griffin McElroy?

  That kicks ass.

• 2:20Travis McElroy?

  No, it's just the same story and we all know how it ends. But this is the, speaking of- Wait, Griffin, you didn't introduce yourself and now people are so confused.

• 2:28Griffin McElroy?

  Thank you.

• 2:29Travis McElroy?

  Okay, so I saw there's another flick called King of Kings and this is the story of- The Kingsmen. Oh, stop me if you've heard about this guy. Another Easter treat for everybody, a faith-based, faith-based film.

• 2:42Griffin McElroy?

  This place was running two different faith-based pieces of programming or this, this cinema?

• 2:46Travis McElroy?

  Yes, this is like, yes.

• 2:47Griffin McElroy?

  Cool.

• 2:47Travis McElroy?

  And I, yes. A lot of Christmas movies come out at Christmas. I don't see- Yeah.

• 2:51Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah, I guess so.

• 2:52Travis McElroy?

  Ah, fair. Yeah, but this was pretty chilling. Just to be, just to see in the hallway, it's like-

• 2:57Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 2:57Travis McElroy?

  A lot of faith-based content. I, I saw he grew up in that. I didn't love it.

• 3:01Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 3:01Travis McElroy?

  But I was gonna blow this off. But then I started looking at the cast and guys-

• 3:06Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah. Yeah.

• 3:08Travis McElroy?

  This thing's stacked, okay?

• 3:10Griffin McElroy?

  Can you, but can you not reveal roles? Like, will you reveal some names and maybe we try to guess who the, who the Jesus is?

• 3:16Travis McElroy?

  And can I just do a long shot? Is The Rock in it? Cause he seems to be in 18 movies a year or John Cena, one of those two. Uh, no, that's, that's amazing. There are a lot of vets. Like, there's a lot of like, voice actor, like Dee Bradley Baker legally mandated appearance, right? Wait, is this animated or live action? It is animated and it is, uh, the, the framing device is Charles Dickens is telling the story of Jesus to his kids.

• 3:40Griffin McElroy?

  Wait, oh, hold on. That, that's real.

• 3:42Travis McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 3:43Griffin McElroy?

  Okay, I thought that was a joke that you came up with, uh, on the fly.

• 3:45Travis McElroy?

  I'm just giving you, I'm giving you fair. Um, this is to be fair, okay? I'll tell you right now, Jay Man, I don't know if canonically in history, Charles Dickens would have cared about the story of Jesus, but less than that, I'm also not sure if Charles Dickens has kids.

• 4:02Griffin McElroy?

  Does Charles Dickens got kids?

• 4:05Travis McElroy?

  I don't think that your ignorance of Charles Dickens is necessarily a great basis for criticism of the film. Travis, like your unawareness of- It is not, he did. No, that was a criticism of myself, to be clear. Oh, okay. The Life of Our Lord is the book that Charles Dickens wrote about the story of Jesus.

• 4:22Griffin McElroy?

  Okay, so I would say he has a vested interest, Travis.

• 4:25Travis McElroy?

  Okay, so you now have all the pieces.

• 4:27Griffin McElroy?

  Mr. Belief.

• 4:28Travis McElroy?

  Play this, this amazing game. I'm gonna tell you some actors and I want, and, and yeah, Trav, you can guess. Okay. Where would you put, uh, now I'm, I'm just gonna give you a D. Bradley Baker is Willa, Willa the Cat. I don't think that's relevant to the story.

• 4:42Griffin McElroy?

  Okay, okay. I had to remember that there was a Dickensian layer here because I didn't think that was in.

• 4:47Travis McElroy?

  Where would you slot in, say, a big talent like Ben Kingsley?

• 4:51Griffin McElroy?

  Oh, shit, Ben, Ben, Benjamin?

• 4:54Travis McElroy?

  Benjamin Kingsley. I'll tell you, I'll tell you what's hitting me.

• 4:58Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 4:58Travis McElroy?

  What? Pilot.

• 5:00Griffin McElroy?

  Pontius Pilate?

• 5:00Travis McElroy?

  Very close. Caiphas.

• 5:02Griffin McElroy?

  Caiphas.

• 5:03Travis McElroy?

  One of the classics. Now, where would you put in Pierce Brosnan?

• 5:07Griffin McElroy?

  Not in, not in this film.

• 5:10Travis McElroy?

  Well, you gotta put him in somewhere. He's in it.

• 5:12Griffin McElroy?

  Not Christ. I, I could see him as a Barabbas, perhaps?

• 5:18Griffin McElroy?

  A Barabbas?

• 5:18Travis McElroy?

  Not a Barabbas? You think he's gonna get out of bed for a Barabbas?

• 5:22Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah, that's a good.

• 5:22Travis McElroy?

  I'm going with Pilot, guys. I'm going with Pilot on this one.

• 5:27Travis McElroy?

  Pontius Pilate. Correct, Travis. Pontius Pilate, played by Pierce Brosnan. Now, I can't keep guessing that, though. Now, what about Kenneth Branagh, though? Where would you put Kenneth Branagh?

• 5:36Griffin McElroy?

  Okay, hold on. We're getting close to Christ territory as to, with how big these names are. Kenneth Branagh, huh?

• 5:44Griffin McElroy?

  Is this an Oscar-bait Jesus movie, or what's going on?

• 5:47Travis McElroy?

  Aren't they all? It is an Oscar-bait Jesus movie.

• 5:49Griffin McElroy?

  Okay, I haven't heard of it. Dang.

• 5:51Travis McElroy?

  An Oscar-bait Jesus movie for Best Animated Feature, though. Huh. I don't know. Where would you put Kenneth Branagh? I'm gonna say Judas. Charles Dickens. Oscar Isaac.

• 6:04Griffin McElroy?

  Oh, my God.

• 6:05Travis McElroy?

  That's Jesus. Yes, Travis, it's an Oscar-bait Jesus movie.

• 6:10Griffin McElroy?

  Wait, it's.

• 6:11Travis McElroy?

  Oscar Isaac stars as Jesus.

• 6:13Griffin McElroy?

  Oscar Isaac is Jesus, that's.

• 6:14Travis McElroy?

  So it's technically an Oscar-bait, because they, they got him to play the role of Jesus by offering him the role of Jesus. So yes, it's an Oscar-bait. He was also, I believe, in a Christian ska band called The Blinking Underdogs, so. So, yeah, we're getting some interesting context, like we learned about Uma Thurman. In this film, playing the role of?

• 6:34Griffin McElroy?

  Um, I mean, Mary is sort of the only, um, one that jumps immediately to mind. Yeah.

• 6:40Travis McElroy?

  Catherine Dickens.

• 6:41Griffin McElroy?

  Damn it.

• 6:42Travis McElroy?

  Sorry, forgetting about the Dickens. Dickens is a big part of this.

• 6:44Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah, they sneak in there.

• 6:45Travis McElroy?

  It's a big part. Forest Whitaker's in it.

• 6:48Griffin McElroy?

  Forest Whitaker is in it. He's in it.

• 6:51Travis McElroy?

  I'll give you a hint, he's the rock of the church.

• 6:53Griffin McElroy?

  Oh, Pete. Pete.

• 6:54Travis McElroy?

  Pete, Big Pete. Mark Hamill's in it.

• 6:58Griffin McElroy?

  Oh, man.

• 6:59Travis McElroy?

  Now, Mark Hamill has to be in it, because it is animated, but who would you, where'd you put Mark Hamill? The Joker? He's, yes.

• 7:06Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah, he's the Joker in this.

• 7:07Travis McElroy?

  Whoa, weird. The Joker.

• 7:09Griffin McElroy?

  That's cool.

• 7:10Travis McElroy?

  No, he plays, uh, he plays King Herod.

• 7:14Griffin McElroy?

  Oh, okay. Makes sense, makes sense.

• 7:16Travis McElroy?

  I don't think they got a big, uh, uh, this probably won't surprise you, but I don't think there's a, there's not a lot of big name actors lining up for the role of Judas. I can't believe it. They don't have a big one for Judas. Just doing full-blown Christoph Waltz.

• 7:32Griffin McElroy?

  Christoph Waltz Judas.

• 7:33Travis McElroy?

  Walton Goggins would be amazing as she is.

• 7:36Griffin McElroy?

  Oh, yeah. The Great Betrayer.

• 7:39Travis McElroy?

  Christoph Walton Goggins. Now, that would be, that's the guy I would hit.

• 7:42Griffin McElroy?

  That's the guy, that's the guy.

• 7:43Travis McElroy?

  I don't know if you guys have seen him a lot.

• 7:44Griffin McElroy?

  That's the guy from Superbad.

• 7:49Griffin McElroy?

  I'm looking at, can I look at the list now, Juice?

• 7:52Travis McElroy?

  Yeah, please.

• 7:52Griffin McElroy?

  Cause I, I do see Jim Cummings is in here as a Pharisee, and that's gonna be tough to hear, to hear Pooh Bear.

• 7:59Travis McElroy?

  Oh, whoa. Oh, Jesus.

• 8:04Travis McElroy?

  Bury the spear in his side. Or maybe he's doing it more as like the lightning bo, um, lightning bug from Tiana. Wait, not a group.

• 8:17Travis McElroy?

  Is he another great Jim Cummings role? Maybe as.

• 8:20Speaker 03

  Well, Jesus, it looks like, Jesus, it looks like they're stuck on that cross.

• 8:26Speaker 03

  Why don't you, why don't you just bounce down?

• 8:28Travis McElroy?

  The wonderful thing about Jesus is he's the only one.

• 8:35Travis McElroy?

  He wasn't Gisborne Duck, was he?

• 8:38Griffin McElroy?

  No. Gee, hey, Jesus. Maxie, get Jesus on down from that cross.

• 8:46Travis McElroy?

  You guys are different.

• 8:48Griffin McElroy?

  No, did you did goo? Oh, no, he played Pete.

• 8:51Travis McElroy?

  Pete, I'm gonna go deep. Yeah, I was trying to find a Pete, but it wasn't there. I'll tell you, Jesus. That's. Here's the thing. Nail him to the cross.

• 9:00Griffin McElroy?

  Oh, man, my dad's drunk again.

• 9:06Travis McElroy?

  So that is the film. It's these things are getting pretty big. Also, I mean, Jim Cummings and I did share share a scene because he, I didn't realize this. He played Lord Boxman in OKKO.

• 9:21Griffin McElroy?

  Oh, that's great.

• 9:22Travis McElroy?

  And from, I was in that same, the same episode, the, the, a couple of episodes.

• 9:27Griffin McElroy?

  Look at you.

• 9:28Travis McElroy?

  All right. Look at me go. And listen, this is an advice show. This is not a show about the, the, this hit Jesus movie. Um, and I know what you're wondering, uh, how do they get all these big names? The answer is they gave them a lot of money.

• 9:42Griffin McElroy?

  Billion dollars.

• 9:43Travis McElroy?

  Martin might say, uh, thirty silver to be. They're also, they're also crowdfunded. So they make a lot of money. Okay. So here's the deal.

• 9:54Travis McElroy?

  This is an advice show. All right. And we're going to take your questions and turn the Malcolm E. Lick into wisdom. We haven't forgotten our core competency. My neighbor and I are friendly with each other and our young children often play together. One day I saw them packing their van and he grumbled they were going to Disney World. He seemed very annoyed about the whole trip and complained his wife was making him go.

• 10:13Travis McElroy?

  Few days after they left, he's texting me if I'd pull his garbage out in the street. I said, sure, as long as you take a picture with Goofy for me. I don't know why I said goofy. I'm not a goofy fan and neither is my kid. I was just giving him a little grief since he didn't want to go on the trip. Next week when they returned, I saw him in the yard and asked how the vacation was. He showed me the phone, which had an endless amount of pictures of his family with Goofy and Max. What's more is he said he got their autographs and was having it all framed to present to my three-year-old as a present. Oh, okay.

• 10:41Griffin McElroy?

  Now I know where the question is.

• 10:43Travis McElroy?

  Oh, no. Brothers, my boy has no idea who Goofy is, let alone his son. This was such a nice gesture, but it all came from a throwaway joke I made. How can I get my son to have a deep love of Goofy before they give him this gift? Oh, man. Oh, boy, this is a McElroy question. I've never heard one. Fuck a duck.

• 11:02Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 11:03Travis McElroy?

  This would definitely happen to us. Jesus.

• 11:06Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah, you really threaded the needle here. You've come to the right place.

• 11:11Travis McElroy?

  Goofy is the safest choice to be like, take a picture with, because that's why I think just, I know this wasn't a question, but psychologically, you're like, maybe you did some subconscious like calculations. And you're like, I don't want to say Minnie or Daisy, because that would feel weird if I'm like, I need pictures of them.

• 11:32Griffin McElroy?

  fetish adjacent, yeah.

• 11:33Travis McElroy?

  And Goofy's the right pull. I don't know why, but it is the funny, like, sometimes with jokes, you gotta run through and like, I don't know why it is what it is, but like, Goofy is the pull. I don't know why, but it's Goofy, yeah.

• 11:47Griffin McElroy?

  You can't make a three-year-old like anything, has been my experience. You could show them Goofy movie, but they might be hugely uncomfortable with the complicated social dynamics of, they don't get into that shit in these YouTube, in a YouTube video. They don't get into complicated family dynamics and kids today can't hang with that shit.

• 12:08Travis McElroy?

  And there's a part where Max murders a man by swinging him into a giant thing of light.

• 12:14Griffin McElroy?

  Kills a guy at the end of that film.

• 12:16Travis McElroy?

  Yeah, the guy's trying to chase Max, they swing on rope.

• 12:20Griffin McElroy?

  Doing his job as a security guard. This kid could have a bomb vest strapped to him trying to kill Powerline so that the president will notice him.

• 12:27Travis McElroy?

  And this is my favorite, I love the Goofy movie. It's my favorite Disney animated movie. I'm wearing, I'm wearing a Powerline shirt right now. Is when they land on the stage next to Powerline. Powerline's like, what?

• 12:40Griffin McElroy?

  What?

• 12:40Travis McElroy?

  And doesn't do what I think anybody in that scenario would do, which would be to leave the stage as quickly as possible.

• 12:48Griffin McElroy?

  Immediately. Let's security handle it. They can't because a child killed them?

• 12:52Travis McElroy?

  That's correct. Now, you could do, I think the way I introduce my children to Goofy and every parent's. Every parent's approach to introducing their children to Goofy is different. I understand that. But I did inform them that according to Goofy's Wikipedia, he has had many names over the years, including George Geef.

• 13:12Griffin McElroy?

  Henry only calls his full George Geef when he sees you. You guys really ruined him with that shit.

• 13:16Travis McElroy?

  Yeah. And so when we went to Disney the first time and, you know, you have the people in character going around, meeting everybody. And I said, oh, here comes George Geef. And that just tickled my daughters to no end. And that I think is how I got the ball rolling.

• 13:33Travis McElroy?

  You could also just play the two musical powerline scenes stand out and eye to eye without the complicated family dynamics. And those are fun. Those will get them. I've been trying to, I've been struggling with this problem in my house because my kids were on the YouTube. And I was like, I can't, I can't, you guys can't watch the YouTube anymore. Because I watched a documentary about how YouTube's bad. Oh, what? So I told them I can't.

• 13:58Griffin McElroy?

  Don't, oh, man. Don't tell me what it is because then I'll feel compelled to watch.

• 14:02Travis McElroy?

  It's like the family YouTube. So it's like, everybody knows. So Mr. Beast is still okay, right? All YouTube's is bad. YouTube's is bad because my kids will watch the shorts. It doesn't matter. I'm not judging. I haven't done any research on Mr. Beast recently, so. YouTube is bad for my kids for our decision. So we say, you're watching too much YouTube. No more YouTube. And my kids are like, pretty minimal to it. And then a week after the initial, you know, ranting and screaming, but about a week later, and this is just a couple of days ago now, I see Cooper and she is, um, sometimes I worry about oversharing, but she's watching Young Sheldon. Oh. Unironically.

• 14:45Travis McElroy?

  Travis, she's on season two, episode nine.

• 14:47Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah, you can't watch, you can't, I watch a season and a half of Young Sheldon.

• 14:52Travis McElroy?

  She's on season two, episode nine. And to be fair, she is fast forwarding. What? It's on Netflix. So she does fast forward through any time where there's kissing.

• 15:04Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 15:04Travis McElroy?

  But she has been fully, fully indoctrinated.

• 15:08Griffin McElroy?

  There are a lot of kissing on Young Sheldon. Wouldn't think there's a lot.

• 15:11Travis McElroy?

  Not kissing. Huge amount, but there is like anytime any relationship drama happens.

• 15:15Griffin McElroy?

  Every episode has a deep tongue scene in Young Sheldon, which is fucking weird, man.

• 15:19Travis McElroy?

  But most of the time it's in the background.

• 15:22Griffin McElroy?

  It's happening extras. Yeah.

• 15:24Travis McElroy?

  She came to me while I was brushing my teeth and she said, hey dad, I think Young Sheldon is smarter than Einstein.

• 15:32Travis McElroy?

  And I said, go on, do tell. She said, well, did Einstein ever build a rocket? And I said, no.

• 15:39Griffin McElroy?

  No.

• 15:39Travis McElroy?

  And she said, did Young Sheldon ever build a rocket? And I said, I would have no way of knowing that. And she said, well, he did. And I said, well, it sounds like Young Sheldon is smarter than Einstein. And she said, but I think the kid from the Minecraft movie made a jetpack. So he's probably smarter than both of them.

• 15:53Griffin McElroy?

  He's the smartest of all.

• 15:54Travis McElroy?

  And I said, yeah, okay. That's the power ranking right there. Kid from the Minecraft movie, Young Sheldon, way down here at the bottom, Einstein. Well, Reed Richards, I think is right above Einstein. Thank you, Travis. Good point. Reed Richards, absolutely. Um, you can't, yeah. So you can't, there's, there's no hope here. Um.

• 16:10Griffin McElroy?

  You can't make your kid like goofy. You can, man, when you get the gifts, just you take them. And then they'll be like, aren't you going to give it to your son? And you say, no, this is embarrassing. I'm a huge goofy freak. And I was too embarrassed to admit it.

• 16:23Travis McElroy?

  No, don't say freak though.

• 16:25Griffin McElroy?

  No, you do. I mean, own it. Say, I'm a big goof, I'm a nasty fucked up goofy freak. And this is the only way I get my jollies.

• 16:31Travis McElroy?

  How did he smell? How did he smell?

• 16:33Griffin McElroy?

  Explain the smell of goofy to me.

• 16:35Travis McElroy?

  Hmm. Is this the hand that touched him? Is there any chance that you typed, take a goofy picture with a lowercase g? Cause then maybe you could flip it on and be like, no, no, no. Just like a fun one. Whatever you're like, that's not goofy. The one with the bill and he wears, wears the sailor hat.

• 16:50Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 16:52Travis McElroy?

  The spinach guy here. She's got the big mouse ears and the red shoes.

• 17:00Griffin McElroy?

  I'm proud to announce that goofy sour balls are back and better than ever. Oh, baby, you can definitely get those and I got them and then my son Henry laughed at me because I got balls, like he's at an age where that's very good for him. And I, I was like, I don't care. I'm not going to stand here and be judged. These sour balls really tickle my fancy.

• 17:21Travis McElroy?

  I, I will say this, every, I have taken pictures with a lot of goofies.

• 17:26Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 17:27Travis McElroy?

  Because my kids make my father-in-law do his goofy impression to goofy. And then I take a picture of it because it's good. And then I put the, and I have like t-shirts with pictures of my father-in-law with goofy on them. Uh, so, uh, I will say every goofy is a pro. Every goofy, here's what you can rest your shirt of whatever experience your friend had. It was not unpleasant.

• 17:48Griffin McElroy?

  No.

• 17:48Travis McElroy?

  It was like that goofy made it very easy.

• 17:50Griffin McElroy?

  Made it special.

• 17:51Travis McElroy?

  And especially if they can tell you're a virgin, they will make it like.

• 17:53Griffin McElroy?

  So good for you. If they can tell that you haven't had sex at all, they're like, they can, they know it somehow. And then they are like so nice to you.

• 18:03Travis McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 18:03Griffin McElroy?

  The first time I went to Disney World, the first time I went to Disney World and I was like, I shouldn't be here. I haven't fucked. And then goofy came over to me and he put his hair, and guys, check this out. He talked. You never get this from these Disney guys walking around, but he talked. He leaned in really close and he was like, oh no, he said, I know it's, it's hard. Me too, pal. And then I was like, what about Max? Would it? An immaculate conception.

• 18:31Travis McElroy?

  Immaculate.

• 18:33Griffin McElroy?

  And then he walked away, but I felt like really cared for it. And then I felt like I could be at Disney World, even though I hadn't had sex.

• 18:41Travis McElroy?

  I can't believe you made it past the scanners, Griffin, to get in.

• 18:45Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 18:45Travis McElroy?

  Max just birthed fully formed from a bowl of high dad soup.

• 18:48Griffin McElroy?

  He just like emerged.

• 18:51Travis McElroy?

  My dad's soup is.

• 18:53Griffin McElroy?

  Hi dad.

• 18:55Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah, at the end where he falls down the waterfall and you, actually, if you turn the volume up, you can hear him shout, "But I haven't even fucked yet." And then Max catches him and reels him up and was like, "What were you saying, Dad?" And he's like, "Nothing, Max." I know our visits are getting a bit fewer and further between these days, but I would like to go to the wizard's house.

• 19:13Travis McElroy?

  I mean, friends grow apart over time, Griffin.

• 19:16Griffin McElroy?

  It's natural.

• 19:17Travis McElroy?

  That doesn't mean he's out of your heart.

• 19:18Griffin McElroy?

  Friends grow apart, websites redesign away all of their funniest stuff or close entirely. Like, the stuff happens, guys. But this one is, it was sent in by Abby, thank you, and it is how to actually become Jason Bourne.

• 19:33Travis McElroy?

  Yes. Thank you.

• 19:35Griffin McElroy?

  You don't have to wake up with amnesia on an Italian fishing boat in the Mediterranean Sea while being pursued by assassins to become Jason Bourne. In fact, you may be happy to learn that we recommend taking the route that involves zero assassination attempts.

• 19:47Travis McElroy?

  Woo!

• 19:48Griffin McElroy?

  I'm always afraid that I'm gonna read a WikiHow article and then it'll be like, "Kill," and I'll be like, "Fuck, okay, shoot."

• 19:54Travis McElroy?

  All right, you're the boss. But it does, it does, there were a lot of factors in there, and the only one they negated was assassination attempts.

• 20:03Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah, you do need to get amnesia.

• 20:05Travis McElroy?

  Yeah, they do recommend being found in the Mediterranean Sea by a fishing boat with amnesia.

• 20:12Griffin McElroy?

  Right, that part's easy enough.

• 20:14Travis McElroy?

  I do wonder if I'm not, if, if like assassination is completely off the table, why am I learning to become Jason Bourne, right?

• 20:21Griffin McElroy?

  For the other stuff, other stuff he can do. It's, he doesn't only assassinate people.

• 20:26Travis McElroy?

  Yeah, but if someone's like, if I'm on the phone and I'm like, "It's me, Justin, and I'm very tough, just like Jason Bourne now."

• 20:33Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 20:34Travis McElroy?

  And they're like, "I know you can't assassinate me."

• 20:36Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 20:37Travis McElroy?

  That's off the table for you, right?

• 20:38Griffin McElroy?

  I'm not intimidating.

• 20:39Travis McElroy?

  Can I ask you guys a question?

• 20:41Griffin McElroy?

  Sure.

• 20:42Travis McElroy?

  A semantics question, perhaps? But is the difference betwixt murder and assassination just like notoriety?

• 20:52Griffin McElroy?

  I don't know.

• 20:53Travis McElroy?

  I think it's you're paid for it, right? Paid, paid work?

• 20:58Griffin McElroy?

  I don't know.

• 21:00Travis McElroy?

  Anyways, I just hope that someday I'm famous enough that when I am killed, it's assassination, I guess is what I'm trying to say.

• 21:09Griffin McElroy?

  Uh, okay. How to become a real life Jason Bourne. Uh, the, the first few parts here are all physicality stuff and I'm not gonna do that. Uh, your regular cardio, whatever. Improve your strength by lifting weights. Like, sure, whatever.

• 21:22Travis McElroy?

  Man, if I could do irregular cardio, I'd be excited, you know? Come on. If my desire to live longer hasn't done that, my desire to be Jason Bourne is certainly not gonna motivate that.

• 21:30Griffin McElroy?

  Well, no, you can have the desire, right? Like, I, I don't do like regular intense cardio. Um, and I don't do like really heavyweights. I do some stuff in there. That stuff would probably make me feel so good if I did it enough that I wouldn't need a WikiHow article to teach me how to be Jason Bourne. If I was doing that stuff, I'd be a fundamentally different person and that person would not be on WikiHow, learning how to be Jason Bourne.

• 21:53Travis McElroy?

  That's an excellent point.

• 21:54Griffin McElroy?

  Choose a martial art.

• 21:56Travis McElroy?

  Some person, one person who's never been on Wikipedia, learning how to be Jason Bourne is Jason Bourne.

• 22:01Griffin McElroy?

  No way.

• 22:01Travis McElroy?

  Like, that, it's unfathomable.

• 22:02Griffin McElroy?

  No way. Um, so choose a martial art to study and practice. I could do this from a purely, um, you know, studious sort of research level and not like, uh, actually do it. Like, I could watch a lot of YouTube videos about, um, you know, Kali.

• 22:20Travis McElroy?

  Is it in the muscles, though? Don't you need to get it in the muscle memory? Do the muscles need to know it? Cause that's the thing, when, I, I've seen the Jason Bourne movies a hundred times. And I don't remember him ever having to stop to think about how to punch a guy. I don't even know that he remembers how to punch a guy when the movie starts.

• 22:38Griffin McElroy?

  Well, no, they put like a chip in his brain or whatever that makes him punch like super hard.

• 22:43Travis McElroy?

  No, Griffin, that's the matrix.

• 22:45Griffin McElroy?

  So learn a second language or more. This is good. Jason Bourne spoke German, French, Russian, Dutch, Spanish and Swedish. You don't have to speak all those, but picking up another language of your choice will give you that international man and mystery energy Bourne exudes. That'd be kick ass if in a Bourne movie, he went to, um, you know, Paraguay and then they started to speak to him and he was like, I'm sorry. Like, I don't do that one. I don't do that one.

• 23:07Travis McElroy?

  He pulled out his phone and like, put in like Google Translate and he's like, you type it. Yeah, I only know Esperanto and English.

• 23:14Griffin McElroy?

  Do you do Swedish? I can, I can totally throw down in Swedish.

• 23:18Travis McElroy?

  You could probably pull this off if you named a bunch of common ones that lots of people know. And then at the end, you put the one you actually know. So you learn one obscure one and then you're like, yeah, I'm fluent in Spanish, French, Italian, whatever. And then. Czechoslovakian. I don't know if they, there's a separate lang- you know, one of the small- You can always just say Esperanto. It's the, it's the best, it's the best.

• 23:42Griffin McElroy?

  So, next time you're up on a language learning app, just, you're becoming an assassin. Learn how to climb walls or rappel.

• 23:49Travis McElroy?

  Hey Duolingo, if you're listening, putting that is like, and why are you into, oh, I like to travel.

• 23:53Griffin McElroy?

  Don't know why you'd pick the one that has never advertised with us. I just don't know why you would pick the one that has never advertised.

• 24:00Travis McElroy?

  Well, I'm sure you're advertising. We burned the other bridges, Griffin. We haven't even built that one yet.

• 24:05Griffin McElroy?

  We didn't. We did a kick ass job with those bridges, but the market changed and more famous people opened up podcasts, but you picked the one that we haven't done? How are we gonna get-

• 24:11Travis McElroy?

  And maybe that's, no, I support that though, because in a sense, what Travis is saying is like, the other ones have proven that they're thirsty for it. You know what I mean? Like, the other ones have proven that they, they will pay for it.

• 24:21Griffin McElroy?

  Right, yeah.

• 24:21Travis McElroy?

  And Duolingo won't. So, that's fine.

• 24:23Griffin McElroy?

  That's fine, guys.

• 24:24Travis McElroy?

  And they have a funny owl thing.

• 24:26Griffin McElroy?

  We're not afraid to talk shop in here, guys. We don't, we're not afraid to let you in on the, what let you in on the process.

• 24:31Travis McElroy?

  Our life is the podcast. Our life is our art.

• 24:35Griffin McElroy?

  Learn how to climb walls or rappel. Born was a master climber. While we can't recommend you start scaling fire escapes and jumping from rooftop to rooftop, we can definitely suggest joining a local rock climbing gym. Um.

• 24:46Travis McElroy?

  Sure. That's different from climbing walls, though, isn't it? Cause when you say climbing walls, I'm picturing a Spider-Man type. You're saying climb, climbable things.

• 24:56Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 24:57Travis McElroy?

  You learn, well, we build from that, right?

• 25:00Griffin McElroy?

  Sure.

• 25:00Travis McElroy?

  But I'm saying fire escapes, ladders, I don't need to learn to do that.

• 25:04Griffin McElroy?

  No, you can't use suction cups. You can't use suction cups when you're summiting. Like, they don't stick to the rocks and stuff. But Born uses suction cups a lot. I think if I went through all the trouble to train my body and learn a martial art and become an incre- and learn five languages and become an incredible spy, I would never try to go down the side of a building, cause I could fall and die. And then what was all of that work for?

• 25:24Travis McElroy?

  Yeah. It does, it is, a lot of these are irritating a little bit because it's like, well, we did tell you to get in great physical shape first.

• 25:31Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 25:31Travis McElroy?

  Okay.

• 25:32Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah, sure.

• 25:33Travis McElroy?

  If I, in this alternate world where I got super fit, I bet learning to climb like a rock wall would be very attainable for me.

• 25:41Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 25:41Travis McElroy?

  Like, I do think that. If there was an article about how to be Batman and the first step was have billionaire parents. Sure, sure. Every step after that is like, you know what helps with that?

• 25:51Griffin McElroy?

  But again, if I had a billion dollars, I would not be on WikiHow, learning how to become Jason Bourne. I simply would not.

• 25:58Travis McElroy?

  You say that, Griffin, but billionaires get up to some weird shit in their free time.

• 26:02Griffin McElroy?

  No, but I would be getting like, you know, micro, micro machines in my blood. That gives me power.

• 26:09Travis McElroy?

  Micro, micro, micro machines?

• 26:11Griffin McElroy?

  Micro, micro, just these big fucking monster trucks driving around my veins, making me climb walls real good.

• 26:17Travis McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 26:17Griffin McElroy?

  And speaks Spanish.

• 26:19Travis McElroy?

  Pay Matt Damon to train you to be Jason Bourne.

• 26:21Griffin McElroy?

  For a billion dollars, yeah, for sure. I can make them name the next Jason Bourne movie, Griffin McElroy Returns, and then I would be it by default. Sharpen your situational awareness and memory recall. This would be cool.

• 26:33Travis McElroy?

  With this one, honestly, I could use this right now.

• 26:35Griffin McElroy?

  If I could aug my brain like that, again, same thing applies, wouldn't be here.

• 26:41Travis McElroy?

  Shouldn't I sharpen my memory recall before I start taking on these additional languages? Like, if there is a path to that, I should definitely sharpen that toolset.

• 26:50Griffin McElroy?

  Griffin.

• 26:50Travis McElroy?

  Before I do the language thing. Is there a hyperlink there possibly to a Wikipedia about how to stop having ADHD? Yeah. Could be very useful to me. Click the monkey to learn how to stop having ADHD.

• 27:05Travis McElroy?

  The next one, okay. Yeah, yeah. P.S. Your ADHD is 100% what brought you to this article in the first place. You have a 15-minute lunch break, Jason.

• 27:16Griffin McElroy?

  I'm gonna text you guys the image for this next one. The next one is get into parkour and learn how to run with style. And I don't know if you guys are seeing this, but the image that they've chosen shows a red-haired man who has launched himself forwards, head first, legs up in the sky, akimbo, Peter Pan style, down a flight of stairs. There is no reality in which this illustrated gentleman lands this trick. He is about to eat shit.

• 27:41Travis McElroy?

  He's about to. Lose a lot of good teeth. I've also zoomed in on this man's face and it very clearly reads us, oh shit.

• 27:49Griffin McElroy?

  Oh shit. Why did I jump like this face down, ass up? That's the way I like to die on these stairs. Dumb ass. Um, parkour is also really intense cardio exercise. So it gets two, two birds with one stone. Thanks, article. Thanks for the life hacks of this discipline you made up. Dress in unprovocative clothing with dark colors. Already pretty much doing that. Uh, I will say no graphic tees on Jason Bourne. Some of my wardrobe may have to go. But, um, keep your hair short, but decidedly unmilitary.

• 28:20Travis McElroy?

  Okay, okay.

• 28:22Griffin McElroy?

  Not sure.

• 28:22Travis McElroy?

  I don't see why that makes me more of a Jason Bourne. I guess, sure. All right. Yeah, I like that description though. Like that if you're telling me that when I watched the first, the Jason Bourne prime, that I am to look at him and think, yeah, but it's not a military haircut. No, no, there's no way like, there's no debate. That's not a military haircut. I always. That would also given him too many clues to the Bourne identity.

• 28:47Griffin McElroy?

  Correct. That's the Dr. Army Man.

• 28:51Travis McElroy?

  I'm clearly some sort of army man. Look at my hair.

• 28:54Griffin McElroy?

  Look at that. Smart. I must be a doctor army man. Can you?

• 28:57Travis McElroy?

  My hair is too long for an army man. So clearly not an army man. You could see they shaved the word army in the back of my head. It's obvious. Is this the library? Have I ever worked there? I feel like I'm a library man, maybe.

• 29:09Griffin McElroy?

  Nope. Elps shit. I gotta jump up this building.

• 29:12Travis McElroy?

  Do you know about any pet stores?

• 29:14Griffin McElroy?

  I also, I always have a moment of panic anytime I go to get a haircut and they ask me like, what do you want? Um, now I have something that I could say it, just like have it loaded in the chamber. I want it short, but decidedly unmilitary. And I think I might get exactly what I need. Obtain at least a passing interest in firearms. I do like how WikiHow has couched this. WikiHow recognizes it can't say get gun crazy. It can't say that sort of, uh, you know, responsibly. But at least a passing interest in firearms.

• 29:47Travis McElroy?

  Griffin, I um, thought I knew where that statement was gonna go.

• 29:52Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 29:52Travis McElroy?

  Because one of the defining features to me is Jason Bourne's uh, collection of passports.

• 29:59Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 29:59Travis McElroy?

  Then it also occurred to me that probably WikiHow for many reasons can't be like, get yourself a bunch of counterfeit passports.

• 30:08Griffin McElroy?

  That's a very, very good point Travis. Um, reading the next goddamn point of this WikiHow. Get another passport. If you don't already have a passport for the country you live in, start by getting your passport. That's actually good. Thank you so much for that. Then if you have the time, money and effort, find another country to try and establish residency. If you have relatives living abroad, look into the residency requirements there. You can normally get a passport if you have family already living there. You can buy your way into a passport in several countries. Uh, some countries offer very easy routes to citizenship. They're not saying Travis, forge fake documents in this, I would say, uh, wild world that we live in. They are saying responsibly become residents of many, many nations.

• 30:52Travis McElroy?

  Wouldn't it have been amazing if Jason Bourne had opened his safety, safety security box or whatever?

• 30:57Griffin McElroy?

  Yes.

• 30:57Travis McElroy?

  And started flipping through 20 passports that all said, Jason Bourne, Jason Bourne, Jason Bourne, Jason Bourne, Jason Bourne, Jason Bourne. And he was like, oh, I guess I'm.

• 31:07Griffin McElroy?

  Perfect. And then a letter from his uncle in, in Paraguay that's like, here's the passport. You're a citizen now. I love you Jason.

• 31:15Travis McElroy?

  Good talk. It's been Jason Bourne. Come visit me anytime, Jason Bourne.

• 31:20Griffin McElroy?

  Good talk, fraulein. It's me, German man, Jason Bourne. Oh, god damn it. Look, he's put stickers all over his passport pages. There's no way we can read these numbers. Focus on your mission and always have a goal. This is where the wheels come off a lot for me is that now it's like, okay, now you're Jason Bourne. Here's what you're gonna do with it. And they don't have a great answer because they also can't say, you know, kill, kill your fellow super soldiers.

• 31:48Travis McElroy?

  Well, at that point, it's coming from your contact of the CIA, right? Because I assume that when you get recruited to the CIA to join the Bourne program, you're handed. I guess a card with this WikiHow URL written on it. And they're like, let us know when you're done reading it and then we'll give you an assignment.

• 32:06Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah, that is a good point. A lot of these are just kind of productivity hacks. Focus on your mission and always have a goal. Sure. Maintain a cool, calm demeanor at all times.

• 32:14Travis McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 32:15Griffin McElroy?

  I see Jason a little hyphy. Like, he does get, when he's like trying to kill a guy with a rocket launcher, he's, I don't know how chill Jason Bourne is.

• 32:24Travis McElroy?

  That's why Griffin, at the end of every Jason Bourne movie, he sits down with his journal and writes up like, had another slip up today. Got mad again, gotta keep working on it.

• 32:33Griffin McElroy?

  The post-credit sequence. Uh, make eye contact and speak with confidence and do everything with conviction and self-assuredness.

• 32:39Travis McElroy?

  Oh, cool.

• 32:40Griffin McElroy?

  That's cool. Yeah, I can definitely just flip that switch, but also I want to be in that job interview. They're like, you're the perfect candidate. Honestly, we have never interviewed anybody with this much conviction and self-assuredness. You made eye contact the whole time. You speak with confidence. You're quint- quintale- lingual. You have incredible skills and you're so focused. What's your secret? And they say, well, I model my whole life on this one WikiHow article about becoming Jason Bourne.

• 33:08Travis McElroy?

  Anyways, I'd love to work here at Best Buy.

• 33:11Griffin McElroy?

  I would love to get this job at Best Buy. There's one thing that they did get kind of nasty on. This is the last point in the article. Be prepared for geopolitical events or disasters. So WikiHow's leaving a little bit of sunlight in the room, a little bit of oxygen for a chance. It suggests, and all that other stuff about kicking ass and jumping up buildings and all that spy shit. You might, there might be a thing that happens.

• 33:35Travis McElroy?

  You never know.

• 33:35Griffin McElroy?

  Keep your eyes, keep your eyes peeled.

• 33:37Travis McElroy?

  But I will also say that this is the equivalent of like going to a professional sporting event and hoping that someone on the field is going to notice you in the stands and be like, this guy. Because I'm pretty sure, even if I, as an amateur civilian, trained myself to be a peak Jason Bourne type, and then there was geopolitical unrest.

• 34:00Griffin McElroy?

  I wouldn't get better.

• 34:01Travis McElroy?

  If a CIA agent saw me like walking around or some kind of government official, they wouldn't be like, hey, you look like you could be a Jason Bourne. Come over here, I got a mission for you.

• 34:09Griffin McElroy?

  I mean, that's his whole shit.

• 34:10Travis McElroy?

  That's how it works.

• 34:11Griffin McElroy?

  That's his whole shit, though.

• 34:12Travis McElroy?

  He was recruited by a government agency and trained by them.

• 34:17Griffin McElroy?

  I guess so. We're splitting hairs pretty hard here.

• 34:20Travis McElroy?

  Yeah, I, I, I wanna call, I wanna call foul on this whole article, Griffin, if I could.

• 34:26Griffin McElroy?

  Sure, yeah.

• 34:27Travis McElroy?

  Wait, you're trying to disprove a WikiHow article? Okay. Yeah, I'm gonna try, I, I think I can do it pretty authoritatively if we look at the Bourne franchise. Okay. We have The Bourne Identity, The Bourne Supremacy, The Bourne Ultimatum. That's Matt Damon's triptych.

• 34:39Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah, right.

• 34:39Travis McElroy?

  Matt Damon's trilogy.

• 34:40Griffin McElroy?

  Those are the ones with the Jason Bourne in them.

• 34:43Travis McElroy?

  Yeah, those are the Jason Bourne ones, right?

• 34:44Griffin McElroy?

  That's my mnemonic device.

• 34:45Travis McElroy?

  The next movie is called The Bourne Legacy starring Jeremy Renner.

• 34:49Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 34:49Travis McElroy?

  Matt is not appearing. Is he Jason Bourne? No? No.

• 34:52Griffin McElroy?

  He's Jackson Bourne.

• 34:54Travis McElroy?

  Jason Reborn. The tack, the tagline of this film is, "There was never just one."

• 35:00Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 35:01Travis McElroy?

  And then the next movie is called Jason Bourne, starring Matt Damon.

• 35:04Griffin McElroy?

  Huh.

• 35:04Travis McElroy?

  And Jeremy Renner's not in it, cuz there was just the one Jason Bourne. What I'm saying is, the movies that are about Jason Bourne could not make another Jason Bourne plausibly.

• 35:16Griffin McElroy?

  No.

• 35:17Travis McElroy?

  They desperately would love to get the much cheaper Jeremy Renner.

• 35:19Griffin McElroy?

  They wanted to have a whole, whole Bourneiverse, but it's simply, the interest isn't there.

• 35:23Travis McElroy?

  Listen. The interest isn't there. They can't make another Jason Bourne. There's just the one. And I also feel like, seeing that the last Bourne movie, Jason Bourne, was filmed in 2016, I do have the strangest sense of feeling like I didn't appreciate the Bourne movies when they were coming out.

• 35:37Griffin McElroy?

  Didn't even know that there was one in 2061. I feel bad.

• 35:39Travis McElroy?

  I know, right? It feels like, shit. Don't it all? If I could go back in time to when they were making the poster for The Bourne Legacy, I would have pitched the tagline, "There was never a Jason Bourne."

• 35:52Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah, yeah, that's cool.

• 35:53Travis McElroy?

  The one of the first movie of The Bourne Legacy is Jeremy Renner waking up like, huh, huh.

• 35:57Griffin McElroy?

  What?

• 35:58Travis McElroy?

  Yeah. It's him watching The Bourne Identity and going, "I'm gonna be just like that." He turns off the movie of the Bourne, the third Bourne movie, like, what a great film. I wish I could do that. And then when they made the new Jason Bourne movie after that one in 2016, the tagline was, "Oh shit, it's real?" The first scene is Matt Damon turning off the end of The Bourne Legacy. Like, I can't believe they got it so wrong. Anyway, back to work. Let's take a quick break. We're gonna go to the money's there. We'll be back right after.

• 36:40Travis McElroy?

  Guys, I've got another brilliant, like, million-dollar website idea. Another one? Yeah, but I don't know how to get started. I don't, I have no idea where to get started. I just have the kernel, the whisper. What you need is a garden. You need an idea garden where that can take a purchase. Yeah. Where it can grow and flourish. And Squarespace is the way to do it. A little square space of land where you can plant that idea Uh huh. And watch it grow into a beautiful, beautiful pornographic business. Thank you. What do I water it with?

• 37:22Griffin McElroy?

  Pornographic water.

• 37:23Travis McElroy?

  Okay. Well, Travis, you'll water it with the water of ideas from world-class designers that have created website templates that are gonna make your website look really good, even if you don't know what you're doing, because they know what they're doing. And you can just put your pornographic images. Yeah. Your pornographic stories. Yeah. Whatever, adult material, Travis. But can I sell my pornographic time, Justin? Yeah, Travis, anything you want to sell, Squarespace makes it really, really easy. Or just get the idea out, even if you're a business. Squarespace can, can help. Whatever you need to do, this is the place to start. When people ask me, how do I make a website? And they do, all the time. They say, Justin, how do I do it? I say, go to Squarespace.com/MyBrother for a free trial.

• 38:09Travis McElroy?

  And when you're ready to launch, use offer code MYBROTHER to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain. Don't wait anymore. Get that idea. Get it out there. Stamps. You love them, I love them, but man, I tell you guys, if I go and buy them at the post office, I always end up eating them on the way home.

• 38:30Griffin McElroy?

  It's tough, dude. They shouldn't put food on stamps.

• 38:35Travis McElroy?

  That's a problem. Yeah, well, I start licking them, right, to get them ready for when I need them.

• 38:39Griffin McElroy?

  Right, it's the main action is soak, it's so eating-adjacent already.

• 38:44Travis McElroy?

  Yeah, I, they had Dungeons and Dragons stamps at my post office, and I had to ask for Dungeons and Dragons stamps. Yeah. I had to ask another person to sell. Tell me those. Think about it. Were they delicious? To face to face. Were they filling? They were delicious. Okay.

• 39:03Griffin McElroy?

  These are not problems if you use stamps.com. This is good. Establish a need and then fill the need. And this need we've established is you will eat. You will eat a stamp if you drive home with them. You simply will. Stamps.com handles all your mailing and shipping needs. Wherever, whenever, you can get access to all the USPS and UPS services. You need to run your business or your life, I guess, right from your computer or phone. Anytime, day or night, no lines, no traffic. All you need is a computer and a printer. They even send you the free scale that we've been telling you about. And you can get rates you won't see anywhere else, like up to 88% off USPS and UPS.

• 39:41Travis McElroy?

  And you're not going to believe some of the new flavors they've got lined up. There's a Chipotle mayo.

• 39:46Griffin McElroy?

  What?

• 39:46Travis McElroy?

  A guava lime madness.

• 39:47Griffin McElroy?

  Oh, yeah.

• 39:48Travis McElroy?

  So, yeah, there's so many great stamp flavors that you can get online that you're not going to find in store. Where you're just going to have nacho cheese, coriander, some of the usual.

• 39:58Griffin McElroy?

  Have more.

• 39:58Travis McElroy?

  Pickle blasted.

• 39:59Griffin McElroy?

  Have more.

• 40:00Travis McElroy?

  I do like the pickle blasted ones.

• 40:02Griffin McElroy?

  Have more pickle blasted flexibility in your life with stamps.com. Sign up at stamps.com and use code MYBROTHER for a special offer that includes a four week trial plus free postage and a free digital scale. No long-term commitments or contracts. Just go to stamps.com code MYBROTHER.

• 40:15Travis McElroy?

  And it says here in the copy, make sure you don't tell people to eat stamps.

• 40:19Griffin McElroy?

  Oh, no. Oh, well, we can't possibly record and add a second time.

• 40:25Speaker 04

  Who's ready for some science? With sauces and nuance.

• 40:33Speaker 05

  And some funny jokes from me.

• 40:37Speaker 05

  And some funny jokes from me.

• 40:39Speaker 06

  Let's learn everything we learn about science and a bit of everything else, too.

• 40:43Speaker 04

  From super heavy elements to super heavy pumpkins.

• 40:45Speaker 06

  From quantum physics to the history of swearing. As well as special guests like Tom Scott and Hank Green.

• 40:51Speaker 05

  And some funny jokes from me.

• 40:53Speaker 04

  Me, Caroline Roper.

• 40:54Speaker 06

  Dr. Ella Hubber.

• 40:55Speaker 05

  And Tom Lum.

• 40:56Speaker 04

  So join us next time where we will learn about. Everything.

• 41:05Speaker 06

  You playing a video game right now? Maybe you put on a podcast while grinding in an RPG.

• 41:10Travis McElroy?

  Or maybe you just don't want to hear that boss fight music one more time.

• 41:13Speaker 06

  Been there. I'm Maddie Myers. I'm Jason Schreier.

• 41:16Travis McElroy?

  And I'm Kirk Hamilton. We're the hosts of Triple Click, a video game podcast.

• 41:20Speaker 06

  A podcast you can listen to while you do other things. Like driving, or cooking, or playing video games. On Triple Click, we share our thoughts on the latest games. And breaking news out of the video game industry.

• 41:34Travis McElroy?

  And we also talk about other stuff besides games.

• 41:37Speaker 06

  So while you're doing something else, make sure to check out Triple Click.

• 41:41Travis McElroy?

  Listen on maximumfun.org or wherever you find your podcasts.

• 41:56Travis McElroy?

  I want a Munch Squad.

• 42:00Travis McElroy?

  I want to Munch Squad.

• 42:05Travis McElroy?

  Welcome to Munch Squad's podcast, or then podcast, profiling ladies, graces, and brand eating. Guys, how do you? Be real with me. How do you feel about Glenn Powell? Where you at? You know, Justin, if I'm being completely honest, I feel an absence of feeling about Glenn. Had to Google him. Had to Google him just now. Sorry, everyone. Glenn Powell is counting on. And then Griffin, after you Googled him. Yeah. Did you have the realization that this guy's been in like? A million. A lot of movies, but you never really, he doesn't really stick in the brain, does he? For a long time, Justin, I thought Glenn Powell had been the guy that played the younger brother in the TV show Titus. With Christopher Titus. But I think that was a different guy who has similar features, but is a different human being to Glenn Powell. Am I?

• 42:50Travis McElroy?

  Yes, that is a separate person. Yeah, I haven't, I don't think I've seen any of these flicks, but I thought, I got him confused with Glenn Beck for a second. And then I thought, this is an audacious question to ask us to start out the Munch Squad segment is how do you feel about Glenn Beck? So Glenn Powell is launching a new line of sauces. Of what? Glenn Powell is launching a new line of sauces. I didn't realize it was a tongue twister until I started saying it. Glenn Powell is launching a new line of sauces.

• 43:23Griffin McElroy?

  I think that's iambic pentameter.

• 43:25Travis McElroy?

  Uh, yeah. Glenn Powell is launching a new line of sauces called Smash Kitchen. And this, guys, the sky was dark at the launch of Smash Kitchen because the stars were all out to celebrate Glenn Powell's new line of sauces. Now, before I get into the party. Wait, is this in conjunction with somebody or just Glenn Jimon had an idea for a sauce?

• 43:47Griffin McElroy?

  For a cool sauce.

• 43:48Travis McElroy?

  So everyone's favorite actor Glenn Powell that everybody knows and loves about. He realized this. American families and the pantries where their meals begin deserve better. Oh. Too many go-to staples are packed with unnecessary additives, artificial nonsense, and things no one can pronounce. With that realization, Powell assembled a team of seasoned founders who set out to fix that, creating a line of organic, non-GMO pantry essentials that bring wholesome, crave-worthy flavors without the junk. Oh, okay. The new line is exclusive, available now only at Walmart.

• 44:21Griffin McElroy?

  Awesome, dude. I've been sweating this stuff big time lately.

• 44:26Travis McElroy?

  Yeah, it's been a big, real problem. All the GMO stuff and all the clean eating and everything is a real thing for Glenn.

• 44:35Griffin McElroy?

  Real concern for Glenn.

• 44:36Travis McElroy?

  Now they only have GPOs. Glenn Powell Organ.

• 44:42Travis McElroy?

  I've pulled together a full report here. Glenn did talk to Martha Stewart about this. Said, being out in LA, I think I just became a little bit more aware of what was in my food.

• 44:51Griffin McElroy?

  Fuck off in the biggest way possible, dude.

• 44:55Travis McElroy?

  Actually, Glenn Powell, go eat a huge pile of shit.

• 44:57Griffin McElroy?

  All the shit you can see in the whole world.

• 45:00Travis McElroy?

  Especially when you're cooking and entertaining people, you want to give them the best. Actually, fuck off the hell.

• 45:05Griffin McElroy?

  Fuck off, pal. Seriously.

• 45:07Travis McElroy?

  Glenn. You and you, I'll tell you what, you and Katy Perry getting a sauce-powered rocket blast off right to fuck, who cares?

• 45:13Griffin McElroy?

  I guess, uh, living in LA, I, uh, pay a little bit more.

• 45:18Travis McElroy?

  What does that have to do with anything?

• 45:21Griffin McElroy?

  As an LA guy.

• 45:23Travis McElroy?

  In LA, you tell me.

• 45:23Griffin McElroy?

  As an LA guy. Think a lot about brain stuff.

• 45:31Travis McElroy?

  Growing up around epic barbecue feast at our family ranch in Texas. Food was always an expression of love, said Glenn Powell, co-founder of Smash Kitchen and co-star of Twisters. That's my editorializing, but he was in that, believe it or not. Through fitness, I became more aware and educated on better for you food.

• 45:51Griffin McElroy?

  Oh, cool.

• 45:51Travis McElroy?

  So basically what Glenn is saying is because he has the time and money to pay a personal trainer, he now knows what to put in your ketchup.

• 45:58Griffin McElroy?

  And because of his sort of geographic location, he knows a little bit more about food than you do.

• 46:04Travis McElroy?

  I'm reading between the lines here, and I think what Glenn Powell is trying to say is I started working with a guy who lives in LA, who told me what I should and shouldn't be eating.

• 46:14Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 46:15Travis McElroy?

  Right. I got a brand deal for sauces. It was clear to me, we needed to make a clean condiment brand. No second guessing, just great flavors that connect us to the moments we love.

• 46:25Griffin McElroy?

  Second guess, Glenn. Glenn, you're creating food for people. Think twice, please, Glenn.

• 46:30Travis McElroy?

  You should do, not just like, put that in it. Wait, but what it, why do you mean, wait, Glenn, no.

• 46:38Griffin McElroy?

  Put this root in the sauce. What is the root?

• 46:40Travis McElroy?

  Lots of sand. I don't know. Sand just popped in my head. Sand. Hey guys, I got a live report. I want to talk more about this, but I got a live report. Coming from the, from the party. So I just want to, we're going to interview some of the, we already talked to Glenn. If you guys could, I've got, I got Leo over here. At the sauce launch party, Leonardo DiCaprio came to Glenn Powell's sauce launch party. So here's an interesting thing. Apparently Glenn Powell knows that Leonardo DiCaprio killed somebody and hid their body. Cause I can't think of any other reason Leonardo DiCaprio would be at Glenn Powell's sauce party, but he's there.

• 47:14Griffin McElroy?

  He doesn't do a ton of endorsement.

• 47:15Travis McElroy?

  Behind the two of them who is unnamed, but does seem to be really enjoying, hold on. So we got Leonardo DiCaprio was there. Aaron Paul came to this Walmart sauce launch party. And here's this Josh Duhamel hiding his entire That's not who that is. His face. That could be anyone. Oh, fuck. I love the sauce. Glenn. Good job, Glenn. Glenn, you didn't say anything about photos. Sorry, what was my name? Josh Duhamel. Everyone's posing at the sauce launch party. Everyone loves the sauce. Here's Josh Duhamel, he's fixed his hat. That's the real Josh Duhamel. That's the real Josh Duhamel. And yes, look, guys, he's even, yeah, Angela from The Office came to this sauce launch.

• 48:00Griffin McElroy?

  Hell, yeah.

• 48:01Travis McElroy?

  She played cornhole. You're fucking kidding me. Anthony Ramos was there. What a star setting event. And get this. His parents came to his party.

• 48:10Griffin McElroy?

  Oh, that's nice. I like that.

• 48:12Travis McElroy?

  The family ranch in Texas. Let's talk about some of the flavors. You got organic hot honey ketchup, organic spicy mayonnaise, and organic hot honey BBQ sauce. Now, remember, when you see organic, what that means is nothing. Smash Kitchen is all about balance. Real food made better without sacrificing flavor. That's, that's actually good to hear because I don't want to buy printed out pictures of food. I want real food. Thank you very much.

• 48:39Griffin McElroy?

  Real stuff.

• 48:39Travis McElroy?

  I can't eat a picture of ketchup.

• 48:42Griffin McElroy?

  Unless it's a stamp.

• 48:43Travis McElroy?

  Yeah, that's true. Mehta, who is co-founder and CEO of Smash Kitchen. We weren't trying to reinvent ketchup or mustard. We just wanted them to taste the way they should, using high-quality, organic ingredients. Now, I will draw your attention to the paragraph just before in this same press release, which reads, Smash Kitchen reimagines classics like ketchup, yellow mustard, mayonnaise, and barbecue sauce. So they are both reimagining it, but not reinventing it. Yeah, I do like, once again, this is what I'm looking for in a thing because it should taste the way it should. If I eat ketchup and it tastes like mustard, I'm perplexed, if not off put. Condiments are just the beginning, said Sean Kane, the co-founder and president of Smash Kitchen.

• 49:24Travis McElroy?

  Our vision is to transform the entire pantry, bringing delicious, organic options to every shelf, one category at a time. Yes, Sean Kane, you have seen into me, the deepest heart of the American consumer, who wants nothing more than shelves and shelves. Glenn Powell's face. Please try my milk. Try Glenn Powell's milk. And listen, I'll tell you. Powell pickles. Smash kitchens really got their finger on the pulse if they make sure that each of these things costs at least a dollar more than the store brand counterpart that contains basically the exact same thing. They don't just have their finger on the pulse. They have their finger on the poles. Lauren Paul and Aaron Paul were there.

• 50:02Griffin McElroy?

  And we don't know that Glenn put a finger on these two. I mean, it's true.

• 50:06Travis McElroy?

  You know Glenn.

• 50:08Griffin McElroy?

  I don't, I don't like that.

• 50:10Travis McElroy?

  Let's not say things about Glenn Powell. We can't back up like he's a huge asshole peddling anti-science nonsense.

• 50:16Griffin McElroy?

  I, I don't want a company to, to decide what I think ketchup should taste like. I feel like that decision has been made for me by the way the ketchup from all these companies tastes. If I get some salty, tomatoey water out of Glenn Powell's bottle, that's not, you can't say that's, sorry, guys. The other stuff is bullshit. This is that real ketchup. Nothing but squished tomato, water and some salt.

• 50:42Travis McElroy?

  They pretty much figured that out to the point when I go to a restaurant and they have like in-house made ketchup and I'm like, what were you doing? Just, just there's a bottle and it has like a tomato and some leaves on it and it says ketchup and that's all I need.

• 50:57Griffin McElroy?

  That's the only ingredient I need in ketchup.

• 51:01Travis McElroy?

  I'm going to send you guys, by the way, a picture of Glenn Powell and Zach Ward, who was in the title show, side by side, and you tell me that they're different people.

• 51:09Griffin McElroy?

  Have you been working on that particular?

• 51:11Travis McElroy?

  Only for five to 10 minutes.

• 51:14Griffin McElroy?

  Okay.

• 51:15Travis McElroy?

  Justin, can I tell you, it's so wild that you brought that up, that event, that Smash Kitchen launch event, because we've got events coming up.

• 51:24Griffin McElroy?

  Oh, really?

• 51:24Travis McElroy?

  I'm, I'm not going to say that Aaron Paul and Anthony Ramos and Josh Duhamel are going to be there, but there's not a 0% chance that they're going to be there.

• 51:37Griffin McElroy?

  True.

• 51:38Travis McElroy?

  Because they could be anywhere. I don't know.

• 51:40Griffin McElroy?

  Be anywhere at any time.

• 51:40Travis McElroy?

  I don't know where that Joshua Mel could be in the house with you right now. Lock your door.

• 51:44Griffin McElroy?

  Hiding his, hiding his face.

• 51:46Travis McElroy?

  Hiding his face. He could be there behind you. Don't turn around. He hates that. But tickets are on sale now for our shows in Michigan, Minnesota, and Ohio. All Taz shows are gonna be Taz versus during this tour. And yeah, man, get all the information, get all the ticket links at bit.ly/macaroytours. We're gonna be at Origins Game Fair in Columbus. We're gonna be at Dragon Con. And we're gonna be in Huntington, West Virginia for the Harmony House Renaissance Festival happening, I believe, May 2nd?

• 52:17Griffin McElroy?

  3rd.

• 52:18Travis McElroy?

  3rd. So come there, get a chance to see us, depending on how much.

• 52:23Griffin McElroy?

  Bit.ly forward slash Harmony House Ren Fair with an E.

• 52:26Travis McElroy?

  Yes.

• 52:27Griffin McElroy?

  Is where you can go to get tickets.

• 52:28Travis McElroy?

  And for all the information and tickets about our live shows, you can go to bit.ly/macaroytours.

• 52:33Griffin McElroy?

  Thanks to Montane for the use of our theme song, "My Life is Better With You." It is the number one single across the whole globe on every country's charts in now, like this week. So like, that's huge for, for Montane, and it's huge for us. So thank you, Montane.

• 52:49Travis McElroy?

  Uh, we have a, a final thing that one of our listeners wants to be faster than. We've gotta find, what are we, how are we saying this? Now, there's gonna be a smoother, gonna fear?

• 52:59Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 53:00Travis McElroy?

  Okay. Fear. This year, I wanna be faster than my fear of all the old dudes swimming laps at the public pool. They may be strong and fast, but so am I. Fuck yeah. My name's Justin Mc.

• 53:11Griffin McElroy?

  I'm Travis McElroy. I'm Griffin McElroy.

• 53:13Travis McElroy?

  This has been my brother, my brother, me, kiss your dad, square on the lips.

• 53:50Speaker 06

  Maximum Fun.

• 53:51Travis McElroy?

  A worker-owned network. Of artist-owned shows. Supported directly by you.