Let Cops Drink & Drive w/ Matt McCusker | Your Mom's House Ep. 870

SPONSORS: Visit https://www.sleep. ME/ymh and never fight with your partner at bedtime again. Text YMH to 64000 for your 2 free gifts with the purchase of any Pocket Hose Ballistic hose. By Texting 64000, you agree to receive recurring automated marketing messages from Pocket Hose. Message frequency varies and data rates may apply. Text STOP at any time to opt out. Text HELP for additional Information. No purchase required. Terms apply, available at https://PocketHose.com/terms. Sup, chomos! Tom Segura welcomes the shaman himself, Matt McCusker of Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast back to the Mommy Dome. Tom opens the show with a clip of a man getting pepper sprayed off a plane sends them down a rabbit hole of taser videos, body cam channels, and sovereign citizens. Matt reveals his wife spent five years as a Philly cop, pulling her gun by week three, and Tom recalls his LAPD ride-along with an officer who answered "which time?" when asked if he'd ever fired his weapon. From there: Anthony Weiner debating his way out of a 3-on-1, why psychology is a fake science, the news that oysters are alive when you eat them, and how the World Cup is really America saying "you're welcome." Plus: a grizzly eats a black bear, a man sexually attracted to forests, a Horrible or Hilarious pool fall for the ages, and Matt's dad discovering Buc-ee's. Enjoy! Your Mom’s House Ep. 870 https://tomsegura.com/tourhttps://christinap.com/https://store.ymhstudios.comhttps://www.reddit.com/r/yourmomshousepodcast Chapters 00:00:00 - Intro 00:03:55 - Opening Clip: You're Gonna Get Sprayed 00:04:55 - Tasers, Body Cams & Sovereign Citizens 00:08:52 - Matt's Wife Was Philly PD 00:14:33 - The Ride-Along Cop Who Killed Four People 00:18:27 - Taser Clips 00:24:19 - Trolling Telemarketers 00:30:51 - Pastor Manning 00:37:04 - Elite Debaters & Anthony Weiner 00:45:31 - Clip: Sexually Attracted To Forrests 00:47:11 - Animal Violence 00:51:54 - Welcome To USA 00:56:22 - Horrible Or Hilarious 01:05:26 - World Cup 01:12:21 - Closing Song - "Cool Guy Megamix" by Fart Simpson Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Speaker names marked ? are inferred from speaking time and the show’s known hosts — they are not voice-verified.

• 0:01Speaker 00

  Welcome, welcome to your mom's house.

• 0:12Speaker 01

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• 0:41Tom Segura?

  And welcome.

• 0:42Speaker 03

  Hey.

• 0:43Tom Segura?

  Hey buddy, thanks for coming in.

• 0:45Speaker 03

  Yeah, thanks for having me.

• 0:45Tom Segura?

  I was just saying, you last time we had to be with like all smart talk.

• 0:49Speaker 03

  I know.

• 0:49Tom Segura?

  Well, we weren't, we had, we were the dumbs.

• 0:51Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 0:52Tom Segura?

  For the smart chat.

• 0:54Speaker 03

  We were, we were there to provide.

• 0:56Tom Segura?

  Huberman would be like, your hemoglobin and your frontal cortex. And then we'd be like, do you jerk off and nap?

• 1:01Speaker 03

  Perfect. That was, oh yeah, yeah, we were there to just, you know, diffuse the tension and uh.

• 1:05Tom Segura?

  I also, if I remember correctly, cause I didn't see it, but obviously having done it. I remember when you brought that up, that one of them was like, is that a thing? And I'm like, wait, you don't know that that's a thing?

• 1:15Speaker 03

  That was uh.

• 1:16Tom Segura?

  What are you talking about?

• 1:17Speaker 03

  Everybody knows that's a thing, by the way. That's crazy. That's insane. Yeah, Hughes was really, he was really holding me to the coals about just masturbating. It's like, hey, man, you know, people do it.

• 1:25Tom Segura?

  You don't crank one out ever? It's like, and nap? And you're like, yeah, cause you're tired after?

• 1:30Speaker 03

  Yeah, it's, or so you can nap.

• 1:33Tom Segura?

  Yeah, exactly.

• 1:34Speaker 03

  Yeah, you gotta calm the nervous system.

• 1:35Tom Segura?

  I mean, I'm so jealous of the um, like the people who are like, oh yeah, any moment I want a nap, I just take one. And you're like, what?

• 1:42Speaker 03

  I, that's, I talk about it all the time. People who can like slam coffee and pass out, I'm like.

• 1:48Tom Segura?

  I have that thing where I can, I can have an espresso after dinner and be fine and like go. But what I struggle with is, and I'm the most jealous of, are daytime nappers. Like the person who are like, I'm just gonna go take a nap. And you're like, how? And they're like, I'll just close my eyes and be asleep. And you're like, yeah, I can't do that.

• 2:04Speaker 03

  I can, I can do it if I'm like pretty sleep deprived.

• 2:07Tom Segura?

  That's the only time, I have to be exhausted.

• 2:09Speaker 03

  Yeah, exactly.

• 2:10Tom Segura?

  But there's people who are just like, yeah, I just.

• 2:12Speaker 03

  Conk out?

• 2:12Tom Segura?

  Yeah, whenever I want.

• 2:13Speaker 03

  Simpletons.

• 2:14Tom Segura?

  That is right.

• 2:15Speaker 03

  Simpletons, yeah.

• 2:16Tom Segura?

  They have nothing on their mind?

• 2:17Speaker 03

  An animal, they're an animal. If they can just lay down in the middle of the day and fall asleep.

• 2:19Tom Segura?

  That explains Bert completely. Cause he's like the most.

• 2:23Speaker 03

  I didn't know that.

• 2:24Tom Segura?

  Oh my God, he's a top tier one napper. He's always like, I love a nap, I nap. I'm like, yeah, you have nothing going on.

• 2:31Speaker 03

  I like, I like a nap too, but I have to be very tired.

• 2:34Tom Segura?

  I do too, man. I have to be like exhausted and then I can do it.

• 2:38Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 2:38Tom Segura?

  And there, nothing feels better. Most of the time, I, I, it's like I sound like a, like an old person. I rest my eyes.

• 2:45Speaker 03

  That's not bad either.

• 2:46Tom Segura?

  Yeah, just the fucking.

• 2:48Speaker 03

  I, I'll do that too. I'll lay down, rest my eyes, and then it's like your thoughts drift away for like one second. And you're like, ugh, and you're like, I think I kind of slept for one second.

• 2:57Tom Segura?

  There's that tease, that fucking blue balls of naps where you feel yourself crossing over into sleep and then you come out of it. You're like, fuck you to yourself.

• 3:09Speaker 03

  I do think that one second helps you though. If I even, if I even like hit that for once, I come up and I'm like, I'm way better than I was before.

• 3:15Tom Segura?

  Well, I don't know. I mean, there's, you know, every day now, there's studies show for everything, but apparently 15 and 20 minute naps are much better for you than like an hour plus nap.

• 3:25Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 3:26Tom Segura?

  Because if you go into like an hour nap, your body releases like melatonin, which is, you know, like really getting you into deeper.

• 3:35Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 3:36Tom Segura?

  And then you're coming out of it and you're groggy. But the 20 minutes is supposed to be like a recharge.

• 3:40Speaker 03

  I think it's nice, yeah. I'll, I'll take, you know, whenever I've traveled for shows.

• 3:44Tom Segura?

  My best Huberman.

• 3:46Speaker 03

  We should have done this, let's run that back.

• 3:48Tom Segura?

  Let's call him up. Can you just jump in for a minute?

• 3:50Speaker 03

  Or can we edit this into that?

• 3:52Tom Segura?

  Into that, yeah.

• 3:52Speaker 03

  Black screen in there and just drop this in there.

• 3:55Tom Segura?

  Cut to them being like, hmm, wow, yeah. And I felt like Chris was just like, he just liked throwing granite. He liked seeing people get in trouble. He's just like.

• 4:05Speaker 03

  Yeah, he was down, he was ready, he was really partying on that thing. I was, I noticed that.

• 4:08Tom Segura?

  He was really having a lot of fun.

• 4:10Speaker 03

  He was.

• 4:11Tom Segura?

  All right, make sure you check out Matt on tour. You can get tickets at mattmccusker.com. Of course, the podcasts every week.

• 4:20Speaker 03

  Yes, please.

• 4:20Tom Segura?

  Both on the Youtubes and Patreon.

• 4:24Speaker 03

  Yep.

• 4:24Tom Segura?

  And um, here's our opening clip. I have no idea what this is. Here we go.

• 4:29Speaker 04

  You got my fault, you're gonna get sprayed. You're gonna get sprayed. You're gonna get sprayed, back up.

• 4:39Speaker 05

  Who is Randy?

• 4:41Tom Segura?

  Pepper spray?

• 4:42Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 4:43Tom Segura?

  Fucking awesome.

• 4:44Speaker 03

  Guys got pepper spray. There's a guy getting pepper sprayed.

• 4:48Tom Segura?

  I like. A good pepper spray. And a good taser video.

• 4:55Speaker 03

  I love a taser. Pepper spray is nice too. I wanted more kind of stumbling and falling from that guy. However, a good pepper spray and a tase is just unbelievable.

• 5:06Tom Segura?

  Can you pull up a good Instagram taser channel? Can we just watch people get tased?

• 5:12Speaker 03

  It's a good one. Dude, it like changes people's entire attitude right away. I watch a lot of, Shane put me on a Midwest Safety, which is a police body cam footage channel on YouTube.

• 5:20Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 5:21Speaker 03

  And guys will be so belligerent, get tased and come back and be like, ah, I think you guys are doing your best here. And they completely flip. It's unbelievable.

• 5:29Tom Segura?

  I, I went down a deep rabbit hole of body cam footage.

• 5:34Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 5:35Tom Segura?

  I mean, you could do a couple hours, easy.

• 5:37Speaker 03

  E, so easy.

• 5:38Tom Segura?

  The one that keeps coming up too, and I think it's more prevalent in certain states, maybe some Midwest states. I think actually Michigan is one of them where the person gets pulled over. And then the cop's like, you know, you're doing whatever, 58 in a 35. And the guy's like, hmm. And then he's like, just, you know, license registration. He's like, yeah, no, I'm a, I'm a sovereign citizen.

• 6:00Speaker 03

  Sovereign citizen, I love that, yeah.

• 6:01Tom Segura?

  And then you can, you can tell where it happens a lot, cause you'll hear the cop go, ah shit, here we go. Here we fucking go. And then the guy's like, the person tries to explain their sovereignty and the guy's like, yeah, listen, this, I, I've done this? No.

• 6:16Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 6:16Tom Segura?

  So either give us your shit or we're gonna drag you out of this car. And the person's like, get, get a, get a sergeant out here. And he's like, I am the fucking sergeant.

• 6:24Speaker 03

  Well, did you see when they called their lawyer, that's also like their wife, basically?

• 6:28Tom Segura?

  Oh, yeah, yeah.

• 6:28Speaker 03

  They'll call their lawyer, like, I gotta call my lawyer. Like tell him we have the paperwork. That's why I love watching those.

• 6:35Tom Segura?

  Does that ever work?

• 6:36Speaker 03

  I don't think, I, I don't think so. I, I, cause I looked into that and they were like, no, it had, you have zero.

• 6:42Tom Segura?

  Cause then they had one too, where it was this woman and she was, she was doing the whole like, I'm sovereign. And the guy's like, ah, fuck. He's like, yeah, that's not, it's not a privilege, like it's a privilege to drive. It's not, you know, you don't, the state issues you the right to drive.

• 6:59Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 7:00Tom Segura?

  And she's like, no. And then they're like, this woman, and they cut to courthouse footage from like another time where she's in court and the judge is like, no stupid, like you're not. Yeah, it doesn't work. And so she's like still on it.

• 7:16Speaker 03

  Well, yeah, they get, they get convinced that it's just like, whatever the sovereign citizen thing is, it's like, yeah, no, here's, and they give you papers and stuff and you're like, no, you're good. But you're better off going like amendment head or whatever, or constitution guy, where you're like, well legally you're not allowed to bubble. There's like those guys who can kind of get off.

• 7:33Tom Segura?

  I know the um, there's people, like, one of the things, if you watch a lot of these videos, a cop who does not suspect you of committing a crime. See a lot of times cops will like walk over to an area where there's people and be like, let me see your ID.

• 7:49Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 7:49Tom Segura?

  People impulse, like instinctively go like, here you go. You don't have to volunteer your ID.

• 7:53Speaker 03

  Yeah, you don't.

• 7:54Tom Segura?

  For, for someone just being like, give me your ID. Now, if they're suspecting you of a crime, it's different. But if you're just like minding your own business, so you learn those things watching those videos.

• 8:04Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 8:04Tom Segura?

  But you don't get shit being like, I'm sovereign.

• 8:07Speaker 03

  No, yeah, exactly. You can't.

• 8:10Speaker 03

  I'm gonna do it next time I get pulled over, like I'm actually a sovereign citizen.

• 8:12Tom Segura?

  I'm a sovereign citizen.

• 8:13Speaker 03

  I'm a sovereign citizen, but I will give you my ID, but I am a sovereign citizen.

• 8:15Tom Segura?

  I got pulled over two days ago.

• 8:17Speaker 03

  I got pulled over, yeah, I got pulled over like two weeks ago.

• 8:19Tom Segura?

  And I got fucking, here's the thing, I was coming around this, this crazy bend, right? This turn. And I remember, like, you know, you remember moments? I remember this car, this green Porsche on the left just went like, like flying by me. I didn't think anything of it, I was just like, okay. And then as I, I made this, the turn, I saw the cop sitting there and I was like, thought nothing of it, you know? And I saw him pull out and he was just like, just kind of behind me for a while. And then he lit me up and I pulled over and I was like, he came over, he goes, yeah, the reason I pulled you over is um, you were doing like 58 in like a 40. And I was around this turn and I was like.

• 9:00Tom Segura?

  Really? Like, was I? He was like, yeah. And I wanted to be like, you sure it wasn't the fucking Porsche?

• 9:06Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 9:06Tom Segura?

  That came flying by? I was in an SUV. He's like, yeah. I go, okay.

• 9:12Speaker 03

  He's still, yeah, fine.

• 9:13Tom Segura?

  And then I'm like, what are we gonna do? He's like, I'll just give you a warning.

• 9:16Speaker 03

  That's nice.

• 9:17Tom Segura?

  Oh, okay. I was like, yeah, I'm sovereign, you know? And he was like, that's cool.

• 9:21Tom Segura?

  He let me go.

• 9:22Speaker 03

  I, I now like, love getting pulled over.

• 9:26Tom Segura?

  Really?

• 9:26Speaker 03

  Yeah, cuz I was always so scared of getting pulled over. I would get in trouble.

• 9:29Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 9:30Speaker 03

  I have nothing to worry about, so I like, kind of celebrate the facts. Then like, my, my wife was a cop for a little bit.

• 9:35Tom Segura?

  She was?

• 9:35Speaker 03

  She was. She's a police officer in Philly for like, five years.

• 9:38Tom Segura?

  No shit.

• 9:39Speaker 03

  Swear to god.

• 9:39Tom Segura?

  Philly PD?

• 9:40Speaker 03

  She was Philly PD.

• 9:41Tom Segura?

  Does she have amazing stories?

• 9:42Speaker 03

  A couple. It was like, you know, she was just, she was in a pretty like shitty area in terms of like, crime.

• 9:47Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 9:47Speaker 03

  Uh, so it was like, it was dangerous, I should say. There's like, real gangs down there, all that stuff.

• 9:52Tom Segura?

  Was that west Philly? Is that the, like the?

• 9:53Speaker 03

  Uh, west, south, north. It's kind of the whole city.

• 9:57Tom Segura?

  All of Philly? Every direction?

• 9:59Speaker 03

  She was in like, south Philly, uh, but like, uh, you know, an area called Grace Ferry. But the, um, yeah, it was crazy. The one thing I didn't know, like the, that I think like, it's not really glamorous, but if somebody dies, and then, you know, obviously they're discovered, a police officer has to sit in the apartment with the dead person until the coroner comes.

• 10:18Tom Segura?

  Uh-uh.

• 10:18Speaker 03

  So he's gotta sit there with a guy who's been dead for like, four days.

• 10:21Tom Segura?

  Oh my god.

• 10:22Speaker 03

  And just like, sit there.

• 10:23Tom Segura?

  And the scent.

• 10:23Speaker 03

  Yeah, oh, that's gotta be terrible. And then you gotta wait till people come in, but you gotta just like, sit there with them, just like, I don't know, make sure no one.

• 10:30Tom Segura?

  They always say the cop, I've seen so many like, cop shows, like, like, real ones, that they never can forget that scent, the smell of a dead body.

• 10:41Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 10:42Tom Segura?

  And that it's locked in forever.

• 10:43Speaker 03

  It's gotta be terrible.

• 10:44Tom Segura?

  Oh my god. And, and, did she have to do that then? Sit with the dead?

• 10:47Speaker 03

  Yeah, she'd just sit there with like, a dead guy. And also, like, there's that, there's a lot of, cuz you see shows and it's like, all glamorous, it's like, just, it really is the worst job ever. Like, it's so, I didn't know any police officers.

• 10:58Tom Segura?

  Thankless.

• 10:59Speaker 03

  Oh, it's completely, everybody hates you.

• 11:01Tom Segura?

  Because what you realize is that we all want the, the perfect version of a police officer accessible to us.

• 11:09Speaker 03

  Mm-hmm.

• 11:10Tom Segura?

  But then, like, we are not willing to, well, A, cut them any grace whatsoever. And it's not a high-paying job. It's kind, it's thankless, they deal with bullshit all the time.

• 11:22Speaker 03

  The schedule sucks too.

• 11:24Tom Segura?

  Schedule sucks, but they deal with really awful people, a lot. And then you're like, deal with them a certain way, but then deal with everybody else perfectly.

• 11:31Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 11:32Tom Segura?

  It's not like, a desirable thing.

• 11:33Speaker 03

  Their bosses are mean to them, people, they, everyone hates them. Literally, every single person hates them, they hate each other. They are like, but like, when I got to like, really witness cops, like, you know, up close, I was hanging out with them, all this stuff. They really are, they're like, union carpenters with guns.

• 11:46Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 11:47Speaker 03

  So you gotta lower the expectation. They're not like, you know, they're just like, guys who, they're construction workers, who like, gotta have a different guy.

• 11:54Tom Segura?

  Did you ever have her arrest you and like, do that kind of thing?

• 11:56Speaker 03

  No, I should've.

• 11:57Tom Segura?

  Damn.

• 11:58Speaker 03

  I should've, but no, I, I just.

• 11:59Tom Segura?

  So what do you do now? You say you get excited, like, so what happens now?

• 12:02Speaker 03

  Cuz now I know, I know a lot more about cop psychology. So when I get pulled over, I get to do shop talk with cops, and I love shop talk. So they pull me over and I'll be, I always, first of all, you turn your lights on, you turn all your lights on if it's nighttime.

• 12:13Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 12:13Speaker 03

  That puts them at ease, cuz now they can see you from afar and they know like, oh, this guy, you know, was like, actually thinking about me.

• 12:18Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 12:19Speaker 03

  Put the lights on, as soon as they pull you over, it's always just like, I'm never like, what the fuck? I'm always nice and I'm like, man, wouldn't wanna trade places with you. You gotta act, man, wouldn't want your job, buddy. And they, you know, they love that shit, and they just let you off.

• 12:31Tom Segura?

  And you got it off the other day?

• 12:33Speaker 03

  Oh yeah, but it was like, I, I had my headlights off, but I was to- totally sober. And, uh, and yeah, he's pulling me over and he's like, what are you doing? I was like, you know, blah, blah, blah. And, uh, yeah, I feel like, if you, if you do that, and you just kind of like, just let them have all the, I used to, when I was younger, I'd be like, oh my god, and I would fight with them, and that's like.

• 12:50Tom Segura?

  Really?

• 12:51Speaker 03

  Oh yeah. I would be like, oh yeah, real cool, man, this is a fucking dick.

• 12:56Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 12:56Speaker 03

  But I was also so mad, I was getting, you know, I was like, they were hitting me for like, three weeks worth of money, and I'd be like.

• 13:02Tom Segura?

  I have friends that hate cops so much.

• 13:04Speaker 03

  Mm-hmm.

• 13:05Tom Segura?

  That will be walking around, like, we're on tour and we're in some city, and we see a cop just standing on the corner, and one of my friends will be like, see what this fucking pig's gonna do to us. And I'm like, bro, they're not gonna do any, what are you talking about?

• 13:18Speaker 03

  Yeah, they're not gonna.

• 13:20Tom Segura?

  Like, you gotta, you gotta, you gotta take it down a notch, man.

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• 15:04Speaker 03

  Well, there are, there are, well, there's two things, there's, there are dirty cops.

• 15:07Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 15:07Speaker 03

  And then there's the young, gung-ho guys, they're the kind of the problem, like, they'll just, because they don't technically have quotas, but I do, I think they have like, their activity, it's called, is monitored, and if they're low activity, they're kind of like, hey, what are we doing out there? So it's like, we don't have quotas, it's like, you kind of do. If you don't have, if you're not filling out like, today I did this, today I did that, they're kind of like, what are you doing?

• 15:27Tom Segura?

  What are you doing out there?

• 15:28Speaker 03

  And they are incentivized, cuz if they get, if you're a start, if you're a young cop and you're pop, like, getting people with guns and stuff, it does help you get promoted to have like, all that activity.

• 15:36Tom Segura?

  Dude.

• 15:37Speaker 03

  So there are like, the young guys are gung-ho, and they'll like, come up and just, they're the ones that'll really, I think, nail you on the bullshit, where you're like, dude, get out of here.

• 15:44Tom Segura?

  Dude, one time I did a, I was doing a, um, a write, a show, I was co-writing with someone, and it was police-themed. And so they go, let's, um, let's set you up with a ride-along. Uh, and I've done multiple ride-alongs in different cities, but I did one LAPD. And so I go to the Hollywood division, and I meet this guy, and he's like, um, yeah, you know, we'll do, we'll do a ride-along. And I'm like, great, and we're, everything's going cool, and, you know, he's like, mostly, and this is what I found that every time I did, I did a ride-along in Carolina, I've done a ride-along in Tacoma. You know, mostly, you deal with domestics.

• 16:22Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 16:22Tom Segura?

  And mentally ill, right? Homeless and, and domestics. So we're doing this, this ride-along, we're talking about that. And then I just do the, the question, like, have you, have you ever had to draw your, your weapon, right? My, one of my cousins was a cop for 20-some years, and he was like, yeah, I drew my weapon one time, right? Cuz like, most of the time, you don't have to actually draw your weapon. This guy's like, yeah.

• 16:49Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 16:49Tom Segura?

  And I go, I go, oh yeah? He's like, yeah, and I go, did you have to use it? And he goes, yeah.

• 16:55Speaker 03

  Yep.

• 16:55Tom Segura?

  And I was like, oh, what happened? He's like, which time? And I go, uh, how many times have you had to, he's like, well, I've had to fire, um, three or four times. I'm like, you've had to fucking discharge your gun three or four times? He's like, yeah, and they all resulted in fatalities.

• 17:16Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 17:16Tom Segura?

  I was like, you've killed four people in the line of duty? And he was like, yeah. And then, I, I found out that there was a whole write-up about this guy, like, a multiple-page.

• 17:27Speaker 03

  What?

• 17:27Tom Segura?

  Thing about like, how this cop is like, prone.

• 17:32Speaker 03

  Yeah, just popping off.

• 17:34Tom Segura?

  To popping people, yeah. But they were all like, justified, you know? Like, the first time, a guy pulled an AK-47 out.

• 17:43Speaker 03

  Yeah. Jesus, what are you gonna do? Yeah.

• 17:45Tom Segura?

  But you kind of would think that that would be your wild story of your career.

• 17:48Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 17:49Tom Segura?

  You know what I mean? And then it's like, couple of years later, someone else pulled it, and he shot that guy.

• 17:53Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 17:54Tom Segura?

  And killed it. And then another few, I was like, dude, you have some real interesting luck going on with you, that like.

• 18:00Speaker 03

  It's pretty crazy.

• 18:01Tom Segura?

  It's pretty crazy.

• 18:02Speaker 03

  And then you gotta just go back to work. I'm sure you got a couple of weeks off or whatever, where you killed a guy, but like, you have to, it's the weirdest job in the world. And then it's like, are you done? Are you over killing a guy? All right, get back out there.

• 18:13Tom Segura?

  Get back out there.

• 18:13Speaker 03

  Kill a guy again, yeah, you're like, god damn.

• 18:15Tom Segura?

  Imagine his repto around the precinct.

• 18:17Speaker 03

  Oh yeah.

• 18:18Tom Segura?

  People are like, dude, this fucking.

• 18:20Speaker 03

  This guy's a cowboy, man. Yeah, well, the thing with the lady officers too, is they're, they're li, they're like, more justified pulling out their weapon, cuz like, you know, as a guy, if some guy comes at you, you have to kind of like, fight them, you can't just pull one out and shoot a guy.

• 18:34Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 18:34Speaker 03

  But a lady kind of can.

• 18:36Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 18:36Speaker 03

  So if a big guy comes out here, like, my, I think, my wife had to pull her gun in like, the third week.

• 18:40Tom Segura?

  Third week?

• 18:41Speaker 03

  Yeah, she didn't shoot anybody, but she had to pull the gun like, back the fuck up. Yeah, cuz like, a big guy can just, just kill you as a lady.

• 18:47Tom Segura?

  There's crazy videos of that too.

• 18:49Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 18:49Tom Segura?

  Of like, like dudes just pummeling female cops.

• 18:52Speaker 03

  Yeah, dude, like, that's why they're like, they're more, I guess, allowed to just.

• 18:56Tom Segura?

  You got some tasers for us?

• 18:59Speaker 03

  Oh yeah.

• 18:59Tom Segura?

  Yeah, let's see some tasers.

• 19:00Speaker 03

  Here we go.

• 19:04Speaker 03

  Oh, I like this. I like that.

• 19:06Tom Segura?

  I like his body language.

• 19:08Speaker 03

  Oh, hit him with a bad toddler.

• 19:11Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 19:11Speaker 03

  Oh yeah?

• 19:13Speaker 04

  Stop. Stop. Don't take another step.

• 19:18Speaker 03

  This guy's like.

• 19:18Tom Segura?

  Double dog dare.

• 19:22Speaker 04

  Hands out, all the way.

• 19:23Speaker 03

  Let's see if we can get an attitude change here.

• 19:25Tom Segura?

  Yeah, hands are out.

• 19:26Speaker 04

  Are we done now?

• 19:26Tom Segura?

  Are we done?

• 19:28Speaker 04

  Are we done? Apparently tasers don't work.

• 19:32Tom Segura?

  That is true. It's always crazy when someone gets, if you see someone get.

• 19:34Speaker 03

  Yeah, and they, they fight it off?

• 19:36Tom Segura?

  They just rip them out.

• 19:37Speaker 03

  Fuck.

• 19:37Tom Segura?

  What?

• 19:43Speaker 03

  I'll get you bitch. Oh, God. I do think it at least slows everybody down.

• 19:49Tom Segura?

  It slows them down a little bit.

• 19:50Speaker 03

  I've seen people pull them out for sure. I'm like, that's terrifying.

• 19:53Tom Segura?

  I would like to see some attitude adjustments. Let's see this guy. Taser, taser, taser.

• 19:57Speaker 04

  Oh, right near the two.

• 19:59Speaker 03

  Oh.

• 20:00Speaker 04

  Get the gun out. Get a fucking gun out. Get a fucking gun out.

• 20:04Speaker 03

  Oh, there you go.

• 20:05Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 20:07Speaker 04

  Oh, he praying. No, he's crazy.

• 20:11Speaker 03

  I don't know if these guys know, they ruin every video.

• 20:13Tom Segura?

  They always ruin the videos with their commentary.

• 20:16Speaker 03

  Oh, God. Every time I try, I'm like, oh, here's the clip of the thing I want to see. A guy's like, alright, everybody. It's like, God damn it, just get out of the way.

• 20:21Tom Segura?

  You know what I love too, is that you ever see the taser run and then they go, and then they like skid? Those are kind of the great. Let's see this first one.

• 20:29Speaker 03

  Gas station taser. This is why fighting cops is never a good idea.

• 20:31Tom Segura?

  Is it not? Thank you.

• 20:34Tom Segura?

  What's up, dog?

• 20:39Tom Segura?

  Alright, there we go. There we go. Yeah, that was a good one.

• 20:43Speaker 03

  Yeah, it's pretty great, man. Good invention.

• 20:46Tom Segura?

  Yeah, those are amazing. And the other thing they, you know what cops get? They'll be like, um, they'll be in like a, you know, a shootout or something? And people will be like, could have tased them. And you're like, yeah, you're not like, in that situation, thinking of...

• 21:03Speaker 03

  That's a crazy one, yeah. It's also, it's also like, yeah, have you ever had someone pull a gun on you? It's like...

• 21:08Tom Segura?

  You're not like, I should get my taser.

• 21:09Speaker 03

  Yeah. Well, I don't want to hurt this guy. You're fucking freaking out.

• 21:12Tom Segura?

  Why didn't they shoot him in the leg, man? Why didn't they shoot him in the leg? Hey, go, go back up. Is there, is there a skid right there? The drunk man? Yeah, he's gonna run.

• 21:21Speaker 03

  There we go.

• 21:26Tom Segura?

  That's great. He did get a little sip with him.

• 21:29Speaker 03

  He did.

• 21:30Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 21:31Speaker 03

  Although he fell on a bottle. That must not be good. But yeah, I, I don't know. I, I do, it's, it was a fun thing to get to actually like, hang out with, meet police officers and be like, yeah, you guys might have the worst job. They also shift them up. Most of the times when you're starting out, you're doing daytime, afternoon shift, nighttime. So you're a shift worker.

• 21:51Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 21:51Speaker 03

  Not only are you dealing with a kind of terrible stressful job, but then you're doing night shift for two weeks. Your sleep's all fucked up.

• 21:57Tom Segura?

  It's horrible.

• 21:58Speaker 03

  You shot a guy and now you're like sleep deprived. And it's like, it really fucking sucks.

• 22:03Tom Segura?

  And they're like, you want to talk to the therapist here? And you're like, sure.

• 22:07Speaker 03

  Yeah, right. You go, no way.

• 22:08Tom Segura?

  Yeah, you're like, no.

• 22:09Speaker 03

  I'm not fucking doing that.

• 22:10Tom Segura?

  I'm not doing that shit.

• 22:10Speaker 03

  They really do. I will say at the same time, a lot of them are convinced they're absolute rock stars.

• 22:14Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 22:15Speaker 03

  They, they, you talk to them, they're just, it's very funny.

• 22:18Tom Segura?

  It's, it's incredible.

• 22:19Speaker 03

  They can also kind of break the law too. Like, they can like, you know, you're not supposed to drink with a gun on you.

• 22:24Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 22:24Speaker 03

  Those guys do it all the time. They get so drunk and drive with guns.

• 22:28Tom Segura?

  And they take their guns everywhere.

• 22:29Speaker 03

  They have to.

• 22:30Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 22:30Speaker 03

  They can see a punk they arrested on the streets, so they need their guns. They need to be drunk in their blacked out Jeep Wrangler all the time.

• 22:37Tom Segura?

  I'm off duty. Got a fucking nine millimeter on you.

• 22:41Speaker 03

  But let them. They're, you know, having fun.

• 22:43Tom Segura?

  Yeah, have fun out there, guys. And thank you for your service.

• 22:45Speaker 03

  Yeah, they deserve, they deserve to get, they, cops could, literally should be able to drunk drive.

• 22:50Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 22:50Speaker 03

  They all do it. So, let's let them, alright?

• 22:53Tom Segura?

  Yeah, what do we, I mean, sometimes you'll see some, there's also another rabbit hole I went down, was cops, um, getting pulled over by other cops.

• 23:01Speaker 03

  Oh, yeah.

• 23:02Tom Segura?

  That's a wild one.

• 23:03Speaker 03

  That is a nice one. You gotta ask for professional courtesy.

• 23:05Tom Segura?

  And there was the, one cop got pulled over, I guess, not in his, like, you know, like, right outside his jurisdiction, like the next town? But he was in his car?

• 23:15Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 23:16Tom Segura?

  And he got pulled over for speeding. And the other cop was like, yeah, you were speeding. He's like, you see the fucking, you see this shit, right? And they had a massive argument.

• 23:25Speaker 03

  Yeah, it's, yeah, you shouldn't, you can't, I mean, they are like Betta fish. You can't, you can't put them together from different, it's...

• 23:31Tom Segura?

  Yeah, they got...

• 23:32Speaker 03

  I'm the boss!

• 23:32Tom Segura?

  Yeah. He's like, call your fucking chief. And he's like, alright.

• 23:37Tom Segura?

  It was great. Um, what's the, this is a fight. I love seeing fights.

• 23:43Speaker 03

  Fuck you! Fuck your mother! Fuck you! Fuck her, you fuck! Fuck you, fuck you, fuck you, fuck you! Fuck you! Whoa!

• 23:53Tom Segura?

  That was pretty cool.

• 23:54Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 23:55Tom Segura?

  Where is this? This is, uh, these are like paparazzi photographers. Um, they're, is, where are they?

• 24:01Speaker 03

  I don't know, it looks...

• 24:02Tom Segura?

  They're in Paris.

• 24:03Speaker 03

  They're in Paris.

• 24:04Tom Segura?

  Looks European.

• 24:05Speaker 03

  I like the speed which he was just riding at.

• 24:08Tom Segura?

  I know. This reminds me, I love when the, um, the foreigners use English for their fight.

• 24:14Speaker 03

  Yeah, yeah.

• 24:15Tom Segura?

  Like that guy at the airport, remember? He's like, I fuck you right here. I fuck your mother here. The Pakistani guy or the Indian guy. You've seen this before? Dude, this is, this is, you have to find that one.

• 24:27Speaker 03

  That's so fucking funny. I fuck your mother.

• 24:29Tom Segura?

  He's like, I fuck you. I fuck you here! And the guy's like, they just yell at each other, but...

• 24:33Speaker 03

  That's hilarious.

• 24:34Tom Segura?

  I like that they switch to English because of where they are.

• 24:36Speaker 03

  Yeah, very impressive, honestly.

• 24:38Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 24:39Speaker 03

  Especially while you're angry to remember. If I was angry and someone's like, yo, tell this guy off in Spanish, I'd be like, how do you say gay again?

• 24:45Tom Segura?

  Gay, my gun.

• 24:48Speaker 03

  Yeah, my, my little brother, uh, he gets a lot of telemarketer calls, I think because he just answers them and fucks with them. And he'll like lead them on for like, two minutes. Like, oh, that's really cool. And he'll somehow, whatever they're selling, he'll be, he'll like twist it into the, at the end to be like, that's gonna be really good when I'm fucking your mom. Oh, fuck you, buddy! Fuck, you don't fuck my mother! And it's so fun, every time.

• 25:07Tom Segura?

  And he leads them on?

• 25:08Speaker 03

  Leads them on and then just spins it every time in the end to be like, right as they're ready to get it, he's like, oh, it's gonna be great when I'm fucking your mom later. And some guy from India like, fuck you, mister!

• 25:17Tom Segura?

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• 26:00Tom Segura?

  And now for a limited time, when you purchase a new Pocket Hose Ballistic, you'll get a free 360 degree rotating pocket pivot and a free thumb drive nozzle. Just text YMH64000. That's YMH to 64000 for your two free gifts with purchase. Text YMH to 64000. Message and data rates may apply and you'll get the same technology in a bulletproof vest in a hose.

• 26:32Speaker 01

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• 27:01Tom Segura?

  There's this guy, he's a comic, and he does these amazing videos online where he, um, he set up a fake website where you can, uh, notify, like, the Department of Homeland Security of, of, um, illegal aliens? And like, when you want them deported. And so he gets people submitting. They're like, yeah, um, my neighbor, I don't know, I don't think he's legal. And then he calls them and engages them and has like full, and he's like, so you think that they just look wrong? And they're like, yeah. And he's like, alright, we'll investigate that.

• 27:40Speaker 03

  We'll be right out there.

• 27:40Tom Segura?

  Dude, this guy's, he's so fucking great. I can't believe I...

• 27:43Speaker 03

  Oh, that's really funny.

• 27:43Tom Segura?

  And then he did one where he called, you know, these like, these guys online that do these like business seminar, is that, yes, Palmer Troll. Dude, these are so good. These are so good.

• 27:58Tom Segura?

  He, he does it for so many different things. One, one that he did was he called like the Andy Elliott.

• 28:04Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 28:04Tom Segura?

  You know? And he was like, um, I want to go to the thing, like the, the seminar. And, and then he tells the guy, he's like, is there any way I can get like, even more faced, like, they're like, yeah, we have like a super max?

• 28:15Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 28:16Tom Segura?

  Thing that you pay like 20 grand. And then like you can hang out and work out with them and get like face to face with them.

• 28:21Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 28:22Tom Segura?

  And then he's like, alright. And he's like, just gotta make that payment. And then he, as he lea, he leaves to get his card, he's like, oh, I just found out my grandma died. And the guy's like, oh, fuck, man.

• 28:33Speaker 03

  And he's still gonna close the deal.

• 28:35Tom Segura?

  He's like, yeah, so you got that credit card? And he's like, yeah. And he tries, he like cries through the number.

• 28:42Tom Segura?

  These are so good. Scroll down. Yeah.

• 28:45Speaker 03

  Okay, how much is that?

• 28:47Speaker 07

  That one's 20,000 for that.

• 28:48Speaker 03

  I asked what else that 20K gets me?

• 28:50Speaker 07

  Shaking his hand, bro tapping him, all that stuff, absolutely.

• 28:54Speaker 03

  Oh, I bro, what's bro tapping?

• 28:56Speaker 07

  You know, shaking his hand, slapping his back, throwing him up, dabbing him up.

• 29:01Speaker 03

  Slapping his...

• 29:02Speaker 07

  Back? I don't know, he might like to do it. I paid him twenty grand, I should be able to slap his butt.

• 29:08Tom Segura?

  Oh, it ended. Oh.

• 29:10Speaker 07

  That's funny.

• 29:11Tom Segura?

  Probably goes on.

• 29:12Speaker 03

  Yeah, that's, I, I always love, I don't know if you're familiar with the whole Wes Watson saga? He was a guy who got out of jail. He's back in jail.

• 29:19Tom Segura?

  He's now, so for people that don't know, he's a, he's kind of like one of these super jack dudes who shows like his wealth and like how, you know, with hot chicks and Lambos and jewelry and like, and like, I'm a millionaire and like, money ain't shit to me. Like, it's kind of like the brand, right?

• 29:36Speaker 03

  Yeah, well, it started out as he had like, he got out of jail, he did ten years, he got out and it would just be him in a park, just yoked on steroids, just screaming into a cell phone, being like, I'll show you the way. He was just basically being like, he was like, I'm sleep, he was very humble at first, kind of being like, I'm gonna show you guys how to do it. I want to take care of everybody. Like, I'll show you guys how it's done, blah, blah, blah. So he made like inspirational content, then he became like a millionaire. And he just switched it up and was like, working out, he just started, it looked a lot to me like he was just doing a lot of coke out of nowhere.

• 30:06Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 30:06Speaker 03

  He'd be like, dude, it's just all about hanging with people in clubs in Miami, I figured it all out.

• 30:10Tom Segura?

  Oh, that's.

• 30:12Speaker 03

  But he, people would take his classes and he would just scream at you on Zoom. He'd be like, you're a fucking idiot, you're a dumb, don't ask me that shit. And, uh, it's the guys who go on there and fuck with him and put the videos out. It's so funny.

• 30:22Tom Segura?

  There was a big thing about his height.

• 30:23Speaker 03

  Yeah, yeah. They said he, well, he said he is, it's a classic saying he was six feet and not.

• 30:28Tom Segura?

  But like, well under, I think, yeah.

• 30:30Speaker 03

  They claim five eight, but yeah, he's in jail again.

• 30:32Tom Segura?

  And then the thing is, I think they got him on a bunch of fraud stuff, right?

• 30:35Speaker 03

  Wasn't he like? There's, there is speculation on fraud, like people are saying they were using, taking credit cards and using them, but he's in jail now for allegedly beating and kidnapping his now ex-wife.

• 30:46Tom Segura?

  Damn.

• 30:47Speaker 03

  Yeah, she went to the Miami Heat game and showed her cleavage and took a picture and then he was angry because he paid for her tits. And deserved, he thought he deserves for her not to show them. And then, so he allegedly.

• 30:57Tom Segura?

  Fucking legit, dude.

• 30:58Speaker 03

  Yeah, yeah.

• 30:59Tom Segura?

  Complaint.

• 30:59Speaker 03

  He repo'd them. He fucking repo'd her tits, fucking. Beat her up and, yeah, tried to kidnap her till she recovered.

• 31:05Tom Segura?

  You know, I'd like to see the trial. I don't know. I mean, it sounds pretty fair.

• 31:08Speaker 03

  Yeah. Allegedly speaking.

• 31:10Tom Segura?

  That Palmer trolls account though is fantastic, if you don't know. Uh, and the, the stuff he does for highlighting the, the people who complain about immigrants is unbelievable. These are people who are literally like, the guy next door is brown, but he's got like a house. And I think you guys should investigate him, you know?

• 31:29Speaker 03

  That's so funny.

• 31:30Tom Segura?

  And then he'll like, fully engage, then be like, so he's, he's brown, he's Mexican, he's got a house. And they're like, yeah, how can he have a house here?

• 31:40Tom Segura?

  And then he's like, okay, yeah. We'll definitely look into that. And then they get mad at him. They're like, it sounds like you're fucking making fun of me. He's like, no, I'm just saying, I'm just saying, you said.

• 31:49Speaker 03

  Yeah, I'm taking the notes.

• 31:50Tom Segura?

  Yeah, I'm taking these notes here.

• 31:51Speaker 03

  That's so funny.

• 31:52Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 31:58Tom Segura?

  Pastor Manning, do you know who Pastor Manning is?

• 32:00Speaker 03

  No.

• 32:02Tom Segura?

  Pastor Manning is a pastor in Harlem.

• 32:07Speaker 03

  Okay.

• 32:08Tom Segura?

  Been there a long time. Uh, he was not, he was an outspoken critic of Obama.

• 32:12Speaker 03

  I'm, I think I know this guy, actually.

• 32:14Tom Segura?

  You know this guy?

• 32:14Speaker 03

  Yeah, I, if, if you pull him up, I think, uh.

• 32:17Tom Segura?

  Here's the latest video that's in here.

• 32:19Speaker 00

  Dr. Martin Luther King was one of the most racist people that ever walked up right on planet earth. And somebody needs to say it. Somebody need to tell y'all why you're lazy, why you don't own anything. It isn't that economic opportunities don't develop, it is that you can't have a string of restaurants. Sylvia went down to Atlanta and tried to establish her Sylvia. But the niggas won't work. They don't want to come in on time. They got a bad attitude about everything. And they don't want to prepare the food consistently the same way. You can't have a, a management of a restaurant, global chain of restaurants without good management. And you can't manage niggas. You can't trust me. I've been working running for forty-five years.

• 33:02Speaker 00

  A nigga just ain't gonna do the right thing. He got attitude about everything.

• 33:08Tom Segura?

  I don't know what that had to do with MLK.

• 33:09Speaker 03

  I don't know. This guy's constantly going off, though.

• 33:13Tom Segura?

  Going off, dude. And, and speaking, yeah, man, speaking to the people, interesting messages.

• 33:19Speaker 03

  Yeah, it is. It's also the background is crazy.

• 33:24Tom Segura?

  The one thing we're trying to figure out, we've watched a few of his videos, how many people are out there? Cause it doesn't sound like a lot.

• 33:30Speaker 03

  I, I mean, if he's, if he has, I think he's had a church there for a while.

• 33:34Tom Segura?

  A long time.

• 33:35Speaker 03

  He's probably packing it out.

• 33:36Tom Segura?

  You think so? But, but you don't hear, like, a lot of times when a pastor speaks, when they hit certain points, you'll be like, oh, there's a lot of people there. It never quite sounds like a lot.

• 33:46Speaker 03

  I don't know. I feel, I do, yeah, I, I feel like he could pack it out with a lot of the older types, I feel like would be, older types would be nodding, nodding.

• 33:55Tom Segura?

  A lot, yep. MLK, MLK was a real fucking, yeah.

• 33:59Speaker 03

  And that's a, that's a hot take.

• 34:01Tom Segura?

  I wish he would have gone on about it. He pivoted to restaurants and.

• 34:06Speaker 03

  Chain, global chain restaurants.

• 34:07Tom Segura?

  Sylvia and like, and you're like, okay.

• 34:11Speaker 03

  I, he does have very funny phrases. I've heard him say that and it's like, holy fuck, this guy's good. He probably has been, I mean, he might just be filming content there. It might not be a live sermon.

• 34:21Tom Segura?

  I never thought about that.

• 34:23Speaker 03

  He goes, there's that, remember that professor on YouTube, the Chinese guy who's always like, rip, he's like, has a, a whiteboard and he's just like, this is what's gonna happen. He's making predictions. It almost looks like he's in a classroom, but you never hear like.

• 34:34Tom Segura?

  You never hear a student?

• 34:35Speaker 03

  Maybe one or two students.

• 34:36Tom Segura?

  Yeah. That sounds like there's three people there.

• 34:38Speaker 03

  Yeah, that's content. It could be content mode. But I mean, look at that painting, man. He's got, he's, I think he's packing that church out. I've wanted to visit this church, actually.

• 34:46Tom Segura?

  Dude.

• 34:46Speaker 03

  I was watching his stuff a lot.

• 34:47Tom Segura?

  You'd be welcome there.

• 34:48Speaker 03

  I think so.

• 34:49Tom Segura?

  Yeah. He'd be like, finally another white face.

• 34:52Speaker 03

  Yeah, I'll tell my wife about, yeah, you can't come in.

• 34:54Tom Segura?

  Don't bring her, don't bring her in.

• 34:55Speaker 03

  You can't come in.

• 34:56Tom Segura?

  No, cause he.

• 34:57Speaker 03

  Gonna get the word right now, you gotta.

• 34:59Tom Segura?

  He real, he's, he doesn't even kind of like dance a line. He was just like, you can't trust black people. You're like, what?

• 35:07Speaker 03

  Well, he's, he's just got, you know, he's got a bone to pick, man. He wants to see, sometimes though, he could be, you know, he could have just so much love in his heart and he's like, come on, guys, what the fuck?

• 35:16Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 35:18Speaker 03

  Cause I've watched a lot of this guy's content. He claims that he loves his people.

• 35:21Tom Segura?

  He, yeah, he does. I mean, he does think that Obama was a long-legged Mac Daddy.

• 35:28Speaker 03

  That was the exact phrase. A long-legged Mac Daddy.

• 35:32Tom Segura?

  Long-legged Mac Daddy.

• 35:37Speaker 03

  Obama, or, or, I mean, Obama has some high-grade black haters though. Cornel West called him a Clinton in blackface.

• 35:44Tom Segura?

  Did he really?

• 35:44Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 35:45Tom Segura?

  I didn't know that.

• 35:45Speaker 03

  That's a fucking slam.

• 35:47Tom Segura?

  That is. Cornel West hates Obama?

• 35:49Speaker 03

  Can't stand him.

• 35:50Tom Segura?

  And just policy related?

• 35:52Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 35:52Tom Segura?

  Really?

• 35:53Speaker 03

  Yeah, he's, he said he just saw him coming from a mile away. Didn't trust him, didn't like him.

• 35:58Tom Segura?

  Wow.

• 35:58Speaker 03

  Although a long-legged Mac Daddy might be the best.

• 36:01Tom Segura?

  That's way better.

• 36:01Speaker 03

  The long-legged Mac Daddy Barack Obama.

• 36:04Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 36:05Speaker 03

  This is my first thing I was thinking of.

• 36:07Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 36:07Speaker 00

  You gonna let this long-legged Mac Daddy push these white folk? They gonna come up out of Tennessee? And come up out of Oklahoma, come up out of Mississippi, Alabama, Georgia, come up out of Oregon and come out of Idaho, California? I'm telling y'all, you pushing these white folk and you pushing them, you long-legged Mac Daddy's pushing them and pushing them and pushing them. And they're gonna get, listen, you gonna push people to the point where they're not gonna take it no more? These white folk are not gonna take it. You're taking their tax money, you're closing down their jobs, you're shutting down their banks. You're telling them what they can and cannot do. You're giving billions of dollars to Acorn.

• 36:45Tom Segura?

  Okay.

• 36:46Speaker 00

  Taking their tax money and giving it to people to buy drugs.

• 36:49Tom Segura?

  He's got one, I saw one of his clips where he just went on about how thankful we should all be for white people.

• 36:55Speaker 03

  I've seen that before.

• 36:56Tom Segura?

  It was the longest speech about how everything is thank you, white people. And you're like, this is crazy.

• 37:02Speaker 03

  I know, I know.

• 37:03Tom Segura?

  It's so crazy.

• 37:04Speaker 03

  I've, I've, uh, yeah, I mean, he has some people on board. I've, I've perused his comment section to see.

• 37:10Tom Segura?

  I would like to get him together with, what's that guy that we had in here? Jesse?

• 37:13Speaker 03

  Jesse Lee Peterson?

• 37:14Tom Segura?

  Oh, we had him in here.

• 37:15Speaker 03

  I saw that, yeah.

• 37:16Tom Segura?

  Dude.

• 37:17Speaker 03

  He's a funny guy.

• 37:18Tom Segura?

  He's hilarious.

• 37:19Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 37:19Tom Segura?

  Can you imagine the two of them together? That would be a fucking fun episode.

• 37:23Speaker 03

  I wonder, I wonder.

• 37:24Tom Segura?

  Jesse should have him on his show.

• 37:25Speaker 03

  I wonder if they would gel. I guess they might.

• 37:27Tom Segura?

  I don't know.

• 37:28Speaker 03

  They might not gel.

• 37:29Tom Segura?

  Personality wise, it might be a clash.

• 37:31Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 37:32Tom Segura?

  Even though some of the same point of views.

• 37:34Speaker 03

  JLP's a little more of a troll too.

• 37:37Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 37:37Speaker 03

  So he might just instinctively start trolling this guy.

• 37:40Tom Segura?

  Just to get him fired up.

• 37:41Speaker 03

  Just to get him going.

• 37:42Tom Segura?

  Which is what I'd want to see. Cause JLP doesn't get angry.

• 37:45Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 37:46Tom Segura?

  This dude goes like frothing.

• 37:47Speaker 03

  Yeah, that's what I'm saying. He keeps it, although you would need a counterbalance. So you would have to get like a blue-haired white lady just to sit in on the discussion.

• 37:55Tom Segura?

  Or just one gay guy in there.

• 37:56Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 37:57Tom Segura?

  Just a gay guy. In between them, be like, hey, and they'll be, be like, you, you should die.

• 38:05Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 38:06Speaker 03

  I'm real big into the debatosphere right now, just like guys on YouTube arguing, debating. I'm just, those videos make me laugh so hard.

• 38:13Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 38:13Speaker 03

  It's just, it's just fucking, no, my point, and whenever they prove each other wrong, they're like, okay, let's move on now.

• 38:19Tom Segura?

  Let's move on.

• 38:19Speaker 03

  It's so fucking funny.

• 38:21Tom Segura?

  Most people get, you realize that like an elite debater is, is at a different level than you are.

• 38:29Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 38:29Tom Segura?

  Like, they really, they know how to go, like, make statements and support them with actual

• 38:35Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 38:36Tom Segura?

  facts, because what most people do is they're too emotionally tied to their point.

• 38:39Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 38:40Tom Segura?

  And when you put one of them against somebody who really knows what they're saying, it's just embarrassing.

• 38:44Speaker 03

  You get destroyed, yeah.

• 38:45Tom Segura?

  You get destroyed.

• 38:46Speaker 03

  Yeah, and it's, yeah, it really sucks. And then it's like, one of those things, it sucks to lose at, because you're like, it's your brain, really.

• 38:53Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 38:53Speaker 03

  Like, on full display, and it's like, yeah, your brain sucks.

• 38:55Tom Segura?

  Like, you know who's fantastic? Is that guy, what is that guy? He's British, I think of Indian descent. He has, um, you know what I'm talking about? His site, is it Zeteo? Z E T E O?

• 39:09Speaker 03

  I don't know.

• 39:10Tom Segura?

  I forget his name right now.

• 39:12Speaker 03

  I'm thinking of, the only British guy debater I know is the-

• 39:14Tom Segura?

  That guy, this guy is a phenomenal-

• 39:19Speaker 03

  Is he good?

• 39:19Tom Segura?

  Oh my god, dude. He's, he's phenomenal. Am I saying it right?

• 39:22Speaker 04

  Yeah, Mehdi Hassan?

• 39:24Tom Segura?

  That guy. This guy-

• 39:25Speaker 03

  I heard of him before. I'd have to see his face.

• 39:27Tom Segura?

  He is, just like, as I'm saying, if you just wanna study

• 39:31Speaker 03

  Mm-hmm.

• 39:31Tom Segura?

  somebody that can make, make a point and support it.

• 39:36Speaker 03

  Ah, yeah, I've seen this guy.

• 39:37Tom Segura?

  He's a fantastic debater, man.

• 39:38Speaker 03

  I've seen this guy do it, yeah.

• 39:40Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 39:40Speaker 03

  I always see the guy, I think his name's Andrew Wilson. He's like a Christian guy who smokes cigarettes and thinks women shouldn't vote.

• 39:47Tom Segura?

  Nice.

• 39:47Speaker 03

  He's good.

• 39:48Tom Segura?

  He's good?

• 39:49Speaker 03

  Wait, is it, maybe it's not, that's not that guy. Some other guy. Uh, yeah, that guy.

• 39:55Tom Segura?

  This guy.

• 39:56Speaker 03

  This guy, he just rips cigs, and it's like, here's why women shouldn't vote. And I'll be honest, man, he has a decent argument. It's a fair, it's not a bad, it's not a ridicul-, I mean, it's like, never gonna happen.

• 40:04Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 40:05Speaker 03

  But at least the fact that he could sit there-

• 40:06Tom Segura?

  Well, you can dream, you know?

• 40:07Speaker 03

  Yeah, you can, you can dream.

• 40:09Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 40:10Speaker 03

  But yeah, I watch him. He's very good at debating as well. He's, he can just kind of, you know, I, I lose it when people are like, oh, that's actually a reductive straw man. I'm like, you got me, dude. I don't know what that is.

• 40:20Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 40:20Speaker 03

  You win. You win.

• 40:22Tom Segura?

  Well, what happens when, like, the really, like, the guy that I, um, asked you to pull up, he was just on, there's this, uh, what, what's the, like, the Persian super, like, millionaire guy? He, he's a big-

• 40:36Speaker 04

  Patrick Bet David?

• 40:37Tom Segura?

  Yes.

• 40:38Speaker 03

  PBD?

• 40:38Tom Segura?

  He went on Patrick's show, and you could just see that they're, they're not an intellectual match, right?

• 40:44Speaker 03

  Dude, nobody loses, and I, I, I'm not slamming PBD.

• 40:47Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 40:48Speaker 03

  They take, they lost to fucking, Anthony Weiner went on, beat three of them in a debate. It's like, bro, if you can't beat Weiner in a debate, and Weiner, by the way, phenomenal debater.

• 40:56Tom Segura?

  Is he?

• 40:56Speaker 03

  Say what you want about the guy, the man can debate. He wiggled his way out of, they were like, dude, you showed your dick to a kid. And he was like, I had a technology addiction, guys. I was just, just got lost in the fucking, now you scroll, and you just can't, dude, they were like, uh, uh, uh. And he's a fucking, he just, he beat, the PBD squad needs to hang up the debating cleats. They get beat every time.

• 41:16Tom Segura?

  They just, they just believe in their core principles, but they can't support any of it. This guy dressed them down so, it's like, it's embarrassing to watch.

• 41:27Speaker 03

  They lose every time I see them debate. They lose every, they'll be like, bro, you're telling me, you're telling me. You're tell, and they're just like, yeah, and they're like, okay, okay.

• 41:35Tom Segura?

  Or what they do is-

• 41:36Speaker 03

  Right on, buddy.

• 41:37Tom Segura?

  When you're, when you're met with somebody that you're intellectually inferior to, they, they ask you the thing, and you just go like, I'm gonna ask another question. So you don't answer the question. You just never answer.

• 41:50Speaker 03

  I constantly see him taking debate helps.

• 41:53Tom Segura?

  Oh my god.

• 41:53Speaker 03

  He had two other guys with him, Anthony Weiner, and he was like, you need to answer for what you did. And Weiner just came out of that being, like, he won. I was like, damn, dude.

• 42:02Tom Segura?

  Damn, dude. Fuck, you can't, you can't beat three on one.

• 42:05Speaker 03

  Of Weiner?

• 42:06Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 42:08Speaker 03

  Yeah, I mean, no doubt, this guy-

• 42:10Tom Segura?

  Did you ever see, by the way, this memory just-

• 42:12Speaker 03

  I love PBD, honestly.

• 42:13Tom Segura?

  This just popped into my head. When Weiner was go, when he was like, at the height of his scandal,

• 42:18Speaker 03

  Mm-hmm.

• 42:19Tom Segura?

  he had a presser, I think he had a press conference.

• 42:21Speaker 03

  Did he really?

• 42:22Tom Segura?

  Yeah, there was some type of press conference. And I think it was Stern sent one of his staff, you know how they, he would send his staff? And the guy's question, he goes, uh, he was like, I have a question. He's like, the, the photo of, he was like, wearing undies in a photo, and he, and he's like, is that you at your full, um, full capacity, or can you go bigger? And you could see all the other journalists were like, okay. It's so, if you can find that, dude, it's so amazing.

• 42:51Speaker 03

  Yo.

• 42:53Speaker 00

  Are you shocked that Arnold had seven fucking ugly women?

• 43:03Speaker 03

  Of course.

• 43:08Speaker 03

  That's gonna be so hard to find.

• 43:10Speaker 00

  Will you help to support Arnold's love child?

• 43:13Speaker 03

  Did you ask him that?

• 43:14Tom Segura?

  Will you help support Arnold's love child?

• 43:22Speaker 03

  I mean-

• 43:23Speaker 05

  They were appropriate. They were part of a, of consensual, you know, exchanges of, of the-

• 43:29Speaker 03

  Oh, there he is. Oh, nice, dude.

• 43:35Speaker 00

  In the great daddy photo, were you fully erect? Were you fully erect? Were you capable of more?

• 43:42Tom Segura?

  Are you capable of more?

• 43:45Speaker 03

  That sucks so bad.

• 43:47Tom Segura?

  Oh my god.

• 43:48Speaker 03

  Yeah, he got, that was a pretty open shut case of him sending, you know, but, I mean-

• 43:53Tom Segura?

  Was it a minor?

• 43:54Speaker 03

  Yeah, I'm pretty sure.

• 43:55Tom Segura?

  It was?

• 43:55Speaker 03

  I'm almost positive. I, I should probably double check, but I think it was a minor. Because he ended up being like, I was just sending stuff, man. I just love, like, when I go on my phone, I get lost, and-

• 44:06Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 44:06Speaker 03

  Yeah, I guess I did. He's like, I was watching cooking videos, and it was just, dude, it's the funniest-

• 44:11Tom Segura?

  That's an amazing answer.

• 44:12Speaker 03

  It's a great argument. I mean, from, again, from a pure debating perspective, it's like, yeah, the technology addiction's a real thing.

• 44:17Tom Segura?

  Yeah. Does it say, oh, okay?

• 44:20Speaker 03

  Oh, okay, I was 21, okay.

• 44:21Tom Segura?

  She ain't that bad.

• 44:22Speaker 03

  Excuse me.

• 44:22Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 44:23Speaker 03

  Excuse me, that's, I'm glad we, because I didn't wanna, I always assumed it was a minor.

• 44:27Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 44:28Speaker 03

  Okay. Oh, he sent it to his public Twitter account instead of sending it as a private message to a 21-year-old woman.

• 44:34Tom Segura?

  Oh, that's amazing.

• 44:36Speaker 03

  PBD, I thought, had him on the, uh-

• 44:38Tom Segura?

  When tech gets you bad like that? Like, that's what reminds me of all the people we find who are like, Jessica, please, call me back. And you're like, you just posted this to your Instagram. Like, just send it to Jessica.

• 44:50Speaker 03

  I could have sworn PBD had him on the ropes about sending it to a kid, though.

• 44:55Tom Segura?

  Huh.

• 44:56Speaker 03

  I don't know.

• 44:56Tom Segura?

  Maybe he had a, oh, it says the third and more serious scandal.

• 45:00Speaker 03

  There you go, okay. All right, there we go. And off the hook, Weiner.

• 45:02Tom Segura?

  There you go.

• 45:03Speaker 03

  Yeah, there he is. 15-year-old. And he pleaded guilty to transferring obscene material to a minor.

• 45:09Tom Segura?

  Oh, shit.

• 45:10Speaker 03

  Yeah, so there was, dude, PBD had him, man. 15-year-old naked photo. All you gotta do is like, that's wrong, you're bad.

• 45:16Tom Segura?

  And he was like, fucking tech man, my phone.

• 45:19Speaker 03

  He's like, we're all addicted to these things.

• 45:20Tom Segura?

  I was making a souffle, I didn't know what the fuck I was doing.

• 45:24Speaker 03

  Yeah, dude, they couldn't, they couldn't pin him down on it. It was the funniest fucking thing I've ever seen. Yeah, okay, so I knew he had a kid. All right, there we go.

• 45:31Tom Segura?

  He, um, yeah, P, that, that, PBD, is his name?

• 45:35Speaker 03

  PBD, Patrick Bet David, yeah.

• 45:36Tom Segura?

  Yeah, he's not a good debater, man.

• 45:37Speaker 03

  No. The whole squad needs to go back to school or something, but-

• 45:40Tom Segura?

  Hang it up, dude.

• 45:41Speaker 03

  Hang it, or just hang it up, man. Just fucking, just show the clips.

• 45:44Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 45:45Speaker 03

  But yeah, he, um, Weiner has his own terrestrial radio show.

• 45:49Tom Segura?

  Right.

• 45:49Speaker 03

  That was a big thing, too. He was, he was on PBD's show being like, I mean, podcasts are kinda lowbrow, like, I'm on, radio, radio's like an institution. I'm part of a bigger thing. It was kind of like snubbing him, being like, yeah, I mean, you have listeners, but my thing's more.

• 46:01Tom Segura?

  Mine's more.

• 46:02Speaker 03

  I have an institution, like, a long start, like, an institution supporting my, and he, so he has, Anthony Weiner has a radio show, I think, still.

• 46:07Tom Segura?

  Interesting.

• 46:08Speaker 03

  You can just call in and be like, Weiner.

• 46:10Tom Segura?

  777 W A B C, The Middle, with Anthony.

• 46:14Speaker 03

  Well, and he's actually bringing the parties together, that's the thing.

• 46:18Tom Segura?

  Oh, I got you.

• 46:18Speaker 03

  A lot of these guys do that. They get disgraced, and they're like, I'm gonna bring, I'm gonna, I'm gonna heal the divide, actually. I'm just, you know what, I'm not gonna make millions of dollars on a network, I'm gonna heal the divide.

• 46:27Tom Segura?

  I'm gonna heal. I like healing more than I like earning, yeah.

• 46:32Speaker 03

  I'm a registered sex offender. I'm sexually attracted to forests.

• 46:41Tom Segura?

  Oh.

• 46:43Tom Segura?

  That's a new, I just never, I don't know. I've never seen that.

• 46:45Speaker 03

  No, who's that guy?

• 46:47Tom Segura?

  That's just a guy. Uh, I think that's Anthony Weiner's dad.

• 46:52Speaker 03

  He's attracted to force.

• 46:54Tom Segura?

  Yeah. Well, you see these things, sometimes, like those, um, TLC shows, like, I make love with my tires, or, you know, I'm sexually attracted to my car.

• 47:03Speaker 03

  I've seen that one, actually.

• 47:04Tom Segura?

  I've never heard forests. I can get how, I mean, forests can be beautiful.

• 47:08Speaker 03

  I, I could say, I could see that.

• 47:09Tom Segura?

  I wouldn't say sexually exciting, but-

• 47:11Speaker 03

  It's pretty vague, too. It's like, what do you mean, like?

• 47:13Tom Segura?

  Yeah, what part of it? The whole thing?

• 47:16Speaker 03

  Yeah, I guess so. Just force, like, physics, I guess, like-

• 47:18Tom Segura?

  You're just rock hard walking through the forest.

• 47:20Speaker 03

  Velocity, velocity, what is that? Weight times speed or something? I forget, what's force? I forget what it was.

• 47:24Tom Segura?

  Oh, force.

• 47:25Speaker 03

  Yeah, force is like, velocity times fucking weight or something.

• 47:29Tom Segura?

  He's like, no, no, no, not force, forests.

• 47:32Tom Segura?

  Forests.

• 47:33Speaker 03

  So he's, he's, is he forests or forest?

• 47:35Tom Segura?

  Forests.

• 47:35Speaker 03

  Oh, forests.

• 47:37Tom Segura?

  Yeah, forests.

• 47:38Speaker 03

  I could see that.

• 47:39Tom Segura?

  Yeah, it's, I mean, I can see you feeling a certain way in the forest.

• 47:44Speaker 03

  He's jerking off in the woods.

• 47:45Tom Segura?

  He's jerking off in the woods.

• 47:45Speaker 03

  Hardly the first to do it.

• 47:47Tom Segura?

  Dude, imagine that he just gets out his fucking biggest load, and then a bear just comes around the corner. He's like, oh, fuck. But the combination of all that, you know, adrenaline, and you're like-

• 47:57Speaker 03

  Yeah, you have to, at that point, you're all spent, so yeah, I'd have to just put a rock right up my butt.

• 48:00Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 48:01Speaker 03

  If I was spent and the bear came up, I would just grab a smooth river stone and just fucking-

• 48:05Tom Segura?

  Dude, I saw a video, I just saw a video of a-

• 48:12Tom Segura?

  Plug your asshole at the end. I saw a video of a, of a grizzly eating a black bear. It was so fucking gnarly.

• 48:19Speaker 03

  God damn.

• 48:20Tom Segura?

  And the grizzly, I mean, the grizzly was eating him like he was a rabbit.

• 48:25Speaker 03

  Yeah, they're so much bigger. Black bears are pretty docile, apparently.

• 48:28Tom Segura?

  And it just tore this fuck, I mean, it was carrying him up the side of a, of a, just, that's a, that's a grizzly eating-

• 48:36Speaker 03

  Oh my god.

• 48:37Tom Segura?

  A fucking black bear, dude.

• 48:38Speaker 03

  Oh. Looks like a cub. Ah.

• 48:49Speaker 03

  Dude.

• 48:49Tom Segura?

  God.

• 48:50Speaker 03

  That's fucked.

• 48:51Tom Segura?

  I know.

• 48:52Speaker 03

  Is that out of breath? He just looked at us.

• 48:57Tom Segura?

  God.

• 48:58Speaker 03

  Oh.

• 49:01Tom Segura?

  That's crazy, man.

• 49:01Speaker 03

  Oh my god. You wanna know a fun fact? I just learned this. I did a podcast with a guy recently. Um, oysters are alive when you eat them.

• 49:08Tom Segura?

  What?

• 49:09Speaker 03

  Yeah, they're alive.

• 49:10Tom Segura?

  In a restaurant?

• 49:11Speaker 03

  Yep.

• 49:12Tom Segura?

  That's alive?

• 49:13Speaker 03

  They're alive, yeah. Apparently, so when you try to shuck them, the reason it's so hard is because they're like, no, they're holding their little shell together, and you rip it off and they're like, ah, but then they're still alive a little bit and you eat them. So every time you eat an oyster, that's why you get horny after you eat them, because they're alive.

• 49:28Tom Segura?

  Because you're just like, I'm eating a alive?

• 49:30Speaker 03

  Your body knows. Your body's going, yes.

• 49:31Tom Segura?

  Yes.

• 49:32Speaker 03

  Yes. But yeah, isn't that fucked up?

• 49:34Tom Segura?

  Yeah, I didn't realize that.

• 49:35Speaker 03

  There's apparently chefs that are so good at like getting the shell off gently that you can place the oyster down and feel its heartbeat on your tongue.

• 49:41Tom Segura?

  Stop.

• 49:41Speaker 03

  Swear to god.

• 49:42Tom Segura?

  Now wait, what about when they're on the half shell? They're already dead then?

• 49:44Speaker 03

  No, they're alive.

• 49:45Tom Segura?

  That's still alive?

• 49:45Speaker 03

  I think if they're dead, a dead oyster is like not really good to eat. They gotta keep them alive.

• 49:49Tom Segura?

  They're indeed still alive. Only a moment's part of being still, okay.

• 49:53Speaker 03

  So they gotta be kept alive to the point of consumption. So if they like die when they get shucked, then they're maybe, but it's like, yeah, they gotta be like alive. A lot of times they are alive when you eat them.

• 50:03Tom Segura?

  Wow.

• 50:04Speaker 03

  Pretty fucked up.

• 50:05Tom Segura?

  Okay, so they are, bivalves lack a central nervous system or brain. There's a scientific consensus that they do not experience pain, distress, or sentience. Wow. That's just an opinion.

• 50:16Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 50:17Tom Segura?

  That always gets me too, is when people are like, well, you know, right here, your dog's happy that you did this. You're like, did you talk to him?

• 50:23Speaker 03

  The dude.

• 50:23Tom Segura?

  How do you fucking know what the dog is feeling?

• 50:25Speaker 03

  Yeah, I know.

• 50:26Tom Segura?

  Like, well, we've studied them. Like, yeah, I know, but you don't speak dog.

• 50:28Speaker 03

  You have no idea.

• 50:30Tom Segura?

  You don't know what they're doing.

• 50:30Speaker 03

  I've said it before, scientists need to chill out with all like, you know.

• 50:34Tom Segura?

  This is how this animal feels?

• 50:35Speaker 03

  They don't know shit.

• 50:36Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 50:37Speaker 03

  They really don't.

• 50:38Tom Segura?

  Giraffes prefer when you walk from their right side and that gives, that makes them chill and you're like, what are you talking about?

• 50:43Speaker 03

  You're just making that up. I just learned the social sciences have no predictive power. They're not sciences. Social science is fake. Literally, they can't predict anything. You can't be called a science if you can't predict anything. So like, you know, chemistry, you can say, hey, if I mix these two elements, I get this. If I do this physics, you know, you can predict stuff.

• 51:00Tom Segura?

  So they will be example of that.

• 51:01Speaker 03

  Psychology, sociology.

• 51:02Tom Segura?

  Oh, that's not, you shouldn't be calling it science.

• 51:04Speaker 03

  It's not science. It has no predictive power. So, that's fake.

• 51:09Tom Segura?

  Fake bullshit.

• 51:10Speaker 03

  It's bullshit. It's literally all bullshit, sorry.

• 51:12Tom Segura?

  You hear that, psychology?

• 51:13Speaker 03

  Just, you can call yourself like a study of the mind. You're not science, that's the thing.

• 51:16Tom Segura?

  Yep.

• 51:17Speaker 03

  You're not, sorry.

• 51:18Tom Segura?

  Fucking.

• 51:18Speaker 03

  No predictive power, fucking sucks for you. You have no predictive power, fucking loser.

• 51:23Tom Segura?

  Fucking loser.

• 51:24Speaker 03

  Fucking bitch.

• 51:26Tom Segura?

  I'd love to hear how they feel about that.

• 51:27Speaker 03

  That kinda blew my mind though. I was like, that's can't be right. I looked it up and it's like, yeah, they can like describe things that are going on, but in terms of predictive power.

• 51:35Tom Segura?

  And you know that they are, they're hearing that and they're just like, fuck this guy, he doesn't know.

• 51:41Speaker 03

  I, they would have to, they can't, it's a fact. It's literally a fact. They would just feel.

• 51:44Tom Segura?

  It'd be a fact.

• 51:45Speaker 03

  Deep shame.

• 51:46Tom Segura?

  I'd love to hear your feedback, because we know your feelings are hurt, because every psychologist thinks they know everything and they, they can tell you why you thought this and why you did that. It's quite easy to say that every psychologist.

• 51:59Speaker 03

  Got attitude about everything!

• 52:03Speaker 03

  No, it's, it's pretty, it's pretty nuts. I mean, you know, I'm not, it's nice they do that, but it's, yeah, they don't.

• 52:08Tom Segura?

  It's just nice. It's a hobby. It's like painting.

• 52:10Speaker 03

  Exactly, yeah.

• 52:11Tom Segura?

  Thanks for painting.

• 52:12Speaker 03

  Yeah, don't come out and bring your shit on me. But there, yeah, apparently, um,

• 52:17Speaker 03

  yeah, there's, there's no predictive power and a lot of the big landmark experiments, they try to replicate them, they never work out even the same way again. So it's like, it's all bull, there was, there was also a huge scandal in like happiness research where a lady just started faking shit. It was like fudging data and all this stuff and that, people were like, you know, having her out, like, oh, she's writing books, all this stuff, and they're just, she's completely tweaked and faked data.

• 52:39Tom Segura?

  Well, yeah, when they do this thing about here's how human beings behave, it's like, you can get some type of, of majority, but people are all, you know, complex human beings that, you never know what's gonna make someone feel a certain way.

• 52:53Speaker 03

  Exactly. You can't predict human behavior because the new information makes the human.

• 52:56Tom Segura?

  Will you pull that guy back? I saw you found him.

• 52:58Speaker 03

  Who'd you get?

• 52:59Tom Segura?

  This is the one I wanted to show you about cursing in another.

• 53:01Speaker 03

  Yes.

• 53:02Tom Segura?

  Watch this.

• 53:28Tom Segura?

  I fuck you right here is pretty great.

• 53:29Speaker 03

  Fuck you is so nice. I like that.

• 53:34Tom Segura?

  Yeah, I'll fuck you right here.

• 53:36Speaker 03

  I'll fuck you right here.

• 53:39Tom Segura?

  No one's ever said that to somebody, I feel like, you know? Not that they're mad at.

• 53:45Speaker 03

  I'll fuck you right here.

• 53:46Tom Segura?

  I fuck you right here.

• 53:47Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 53:47Tom Segura?

  Damn. That's pretty great.

• 53:48Speaker 03

  That is amazing, actually.

• 53:50Tom Segura?

  That's pretty great. That's my all time favorite of that.

• 53:53Speaker 03

  I, I'm a big fan of the World Cup being here. I like having all these people come here, all these different countries.

• 53:57Tom Segura?

  This has been the, I mean, also, do you, because we're about this close and same age, I think, right? In our 40s?

• 54:02Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 54:02Tom Segura?

  I'm 47. Um, do you remember that like, growing up, you know, soccer was gay?

• 54:09Speaker 03

  Yeah, 100%. Foot fairy. That's what you were called. You played soccer, you were a foot fairy.

• 54:13Tom Segura?

  And somebody's like, do you see the soccer game? You'd be like, no.

• 54:15Speaker 03

  No, not at all.

• 54:16Tom Segura?

  I know.

• 54:16Speaker 03

  Nowhere, I wouldn't even go around it.

• 54:18Tom Segura?

  Of course not. If somebody brought up a game, you're like, who cares?

• 54:21Speaker 03

  I know.

• 54:22Tom Segura?

  And then, I feel like, over the last decade, A, there's little things, like, once they start, I mean, I remember when NBC started broadcasting like Premier League on like Saturdays, you're like, oh, this is like on NBC now. Like, they're showing it. So you're like, interest must be growing, growing, growing. You know, last World Cup was definitely more, I think people had more interest in it. This year?

• 54:46Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 54:47Tom Segura?

  I've never seen anything like this.

• 54:49Speaker 03

  It's huge. It's insane.

• 54:50Tom Segura?

  It's insane, and people, I'm talking about Americans, obviously. America who's always been like, we don't really care about soccer. I mean, it feels like it's, like people are really embracing, A, the other countries that are here, people visiting other cultures, that whole thing. It's like a beautiful thing to see everybody, you know, excited to welcome, be like, oh, you're visiting from, let me show you like.

• 55:11Speaker 03

  Yeah, yeah.

• 55:12Tom Segura?

  And they're so, and then I also feel like people have really gravitated towards the game.

• 55:16Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 55:16Tom Segura?

  People love the game.

• 55:18Speaker 03

  Yeah, I think, uh, I don't know, I have, I can't, I don't even follow domestic sports really, so when I see World Cup, I'm like, whatever. But it is like, if it's on, it's cool. It's a cool thing.

• 55:27Tom Segura?

  I think it's, has to do with high sta, I realize that like, I don't like, I don't give a fuck about baseball.

• 55:32Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 55:32Tom Segura?

  But if you tell me it's like game seven of the World Series.

• 55:34Speaker 03

  True, I'm the same way.

• 55:36Tom Segura?

  Because it's high stakes, I'm like, oh, I'll watch this shit.

• 55:37Speaker 03

  Yeah, if it's on.

• 55:38Tom Segura?

  And World Cup just feels high stakes, so the whole thing feels fun to watch to me.

• 55:42Speaker 03

  It's fun, it's fun. I, um, I also think it's like, uh,

• 55:47Speaker 03

  there's like a refined aspect to it. If you're like, kind of like, American footballs, you know, like, for some reason, there's something cool and worldly about being into the World Cup.

• 55:55Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 55:55Speaker 03

  If that makes sense.

• 55:55Tom Segura?

  It's like you're a little more sophisticated.

• 55:57Speaker 03

  Global citizen.

• 55:57Tom Segura?

  Yeah, global citizen.

• 55:58Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 55:59Tom Segura?

  The game is a beautiful game, it really is.

• 56:00Speaker 03

  It's a beautiful game, it's the most beautiful game.

• 56:02Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 56:02Speaker 03

  I actually, it is fun to watch. I actually, if it's on, like, sports for me, they have to be on somewhere and I'll be like, oh, and I'll like,

• 56:07Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 56:08Speaker 03

  You know, watch it. Um, I honestly don't know how to get games on my TV.

• 56:12Tom Segura?

  Really?

• 56:12Speaker 03

  That's how bad it is. If there's a game on, I'm like, I don't know how to.

• 56:14Tom Segura?

  They're all on YouTube TV.

• 56:16Speaker 03

  YouTube TV, that's what it is.

• 56:17Tom Segura?

  I've watched so many games.

• 56:19Speaker 03

  On YouTube TV?

• 56:20Tom Segura?

  And all the World Cup ga, like, I haven't seen every game, but I've watched every day a game.

• 56:25Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 56:25Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 56:26Speaker 03

  They're fun. I'm, I'm kind of a, what do you think about Americans rooting against USA?

• 56:30Tom Segura?

  Americans rooting against you? Is that a thing?

• 56:32Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 56:32Tom Segura?

  I do not know that.

• 56:33Speaker 03

  There's some Americans and they're like, celebrating the loss of USA. It's so fu, it's so annoying.

• 56:37Tom Segura?

  It's not surprising. We, we're, we've been, we've had that segment of, you know, the population for so long, and it's, it's a, it's a privilege to be able to do that.

• 56:49Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 56:50Tom Segura?

  You have to have so many things going for you in your country, that are like, you have this abundance of excess, that you have the opportunity to go, fuck my country.

• 56:59Speaker 03

  Yeah, true.

• 57:01Tom Segura?

  And get away, like, you know, you're like.

• 57:02Speaker 03

  It's crazy.

• 57:03Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 57:04Speaker 03

  And not have people like really mad at you. People's eye roll, you're like, yeah, cool, man, alright.

• 57:07Tom Segura?

  It's the, it's the kid whose dad is a billionaire going, fuck my dad.

• 57:10Speaker 03

  Yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay, buddy.

• 57:12Tom Segura?

  Sure.

• 57:12Speaker 03

  He'll, he'll turn it around.

• 57:14Tom Segura?

  Pretty nice fucking car you got, by the way.

• 57:17Speaker 03

  I actually want Paraguay to win. I just always followed the team. Yeah, it's, it's so annoying.

• 57:22Tom Segura?

  It's fucking annoying, yeah. I don't respect those people.

• 57:25Speaker 03

  No.

• 57:25Tom Segura?

  Um, but then they'll cry, they're the loudest. They cry so hard. They're the biggest criers, yeah. So gay.

• 57:32Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 57:32Tom Segura?

  Um, here's, here's some horrible or hilarious for you. You decide.

• 57:36Speaker 03

  Here we go.

• 57:38Tom Segura?

  Let's see.

• 57:47Speaker 03

  Oh.

• 57:51Speaker 03

  Oh, okay. One guy falling horrible, all those guys falling hilarious.

• 57:57Tom Segura?

  Yes.

• 57:58Speaker 03

  The domino effect, just, that's classic comedy.

• 58:00Tom Segura?

  And I love that you can't get too, they won't get too mad at the old guy and his scooter.

• 58:05Speaker 03

  Yeah, true.

• 58:05Tom Segura?

  Right? Cause they're like, he's old. He can't walk.

• 58:08Speaker 03

  Hey, see you guys, you should have slowed down.

• 58:10Tom Segura?

  Just right into fucking.

• 58:14Speaker 03

  Thank God.

• 58:16Speaker 03

  Oh!

• 58:16Tom Segura?

  Oh my God.

• 58:19Speaker 03

  Oh!

• 58:19Tom Segura?

  Do you think that he just went, put on reverse and was like?

• 58:22Speaker 03

  That guy flipped, that old guy is out dude. That, that scooter is going.

• 58:27Tom Segura?

  Have you ever seen the famous one of this guy barreling down on like, it's, it's a, it's also like a cycling race and he's coming down like this fucking, you could tell it's like well into the race and this woman just comes into frame with her head turned like in the opposite direction. And he hits her at such a clip and it's just, I think she's wearing glasses. She must be completely knocked, I don't know if she dies.

• 58:52Speaker 03

  I know.

• 58:52Tom Segura?

  It's so high impact. This woman just gets, and you could tell what happened, she's like, there's this crowd and she just steps in, doesn't realize, she's looking this way. And the bike comes behind her and it hits her so fucking hard.

• 59:06Speaker 03

  Ah.

• 59:07Tom Segura?

  So, and then everyone gets mad at her, dumb bitch. She's like, totally knocked out.

• 59:13Speaker 03

  And she was just trying to look.

• 59:14Tom Segura?

  Yeah, she just looked the wrong way. Everyone's like, of course it's a fucking broad.

• 59:20Speaker 03

  Let me see.

• 59:21Tom Segura?

  Is this, oh man, this is.

• 59:31Speaker 03

  She was crossing the street.

• 59:33Tom Segura?

  Oh, she had her phone out.

• 59:34Speaker 03

  Oh, man.

• 59:36Tom Segura?

  I remember, I remembered it. I actually feel like there's even another one. I feel like I'm thinking of another one.

• 59:42Speaker 03

  God damn, yeah, that was. Oh.

• 59:46Tom Segura?

  But that, yeah, that was brutal.

• 59:48Speaker 03

  That's at least a TBI, that's like a life-changing TBI.

• 59:51Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 59:51Speaker 03

  Best case scenario.

• 59:52Tom Segura?

  Best case scenario.

• 59:53Speaker 03

  It's also, what, what is, what's the literature on lady TBIs? Cause I know guys get like violent, you ever hear about really women TBIs? They might, could be like a factory.

• 1:00:03Tom Segura?

  Factory reset?

• 1:00:03Speaker 03

  Yeah, factory reset.

• 1:00:04Tom Segura?

  All of a sudden she's cool.

• 1:00:07Speaker 03

  It might go the opposite way where they get, TBI ladies are like, cool. Like chill and like.

• 1:00:12Tom Segura?

  Dudes go on murder rampage and she's just like, I just wanna fuck, smoke weed and play video games.

• 1:00:18Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 1:00:18Tom Segura?

  Like, alright, cool.

• 1:00:19Speaker 03

  Not sweating the small stuff.

• 1:00:23Speaker 03

  Letting go of minor problems and shit. Oh!

• 1:00:26Tom Segura?

  Fuck dude.

• 1:00:29Speaker 03

  That's not good.

• 1:00:30Tom Segura?

  That's real bad.

• 1:00:31Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 1:00:32Tom Segura?

  That's ribs for sure.

• 1:00:34Speaker 03

  Yeah, yeah.

• 1:00:36Tom Segura?

  I, I talked to so many football players who have had their ribs cracked and they're just like, it's the worst.

• 1:00:43Speaker 03

  It's gotta suck.

• 1:00:44Tom Segura?

  Immense pain and they're, and everyone's just like, yeah, just wait.

• 1:00:47Speaker 03

  Yeah, every time you breathe it hurts, I think too.

• 1:00:49Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 1:00:50Speaker 03

  Every time.

• 1:00:51Tom Segura?

  You breathe it hurts, somebody, you, you're, you sit up, it hurts, you lay back, everything hurts.

• 1:00:56Speaker 03

  Yeah, and it's just nothing you can do.

• 1:00:57Tom Segura?

  And they're like, just one day it won't hurt. You're like, cool.

• 1:01:00Speaker 03

  That sucks.

• 1:01:01Tom Segura?

  I broke my big toe and they were like, I'm like, what are you doing? They're like, you just kinda waited out.

• 1:01:06Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 1:01:06Tom Segura?

  And I go, well, how will I know it's better? They're like, it'll just stop hurting and that's when it's fixed.

• 1:01:09Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 1:01:10Tom Segura?

  Sweet.

• 1:01:11Speaker 03

  I've broken both my pinky toes and it's just like, every step you're just like, fuck this.

• 1:01:15Tom Segura?

  Both of them?

• 1:01:15Speaker 03

  Not at the same time, but separates.

• 1:01:17Tom Segura?

  Same type of thing?

• 1:01:18Speaker 03

  Yep, just, I have my, my feet kind of like spread. I can get like my pinky toe, I don't know if ever, I don't even know if this is like a thing everyone can do or not, but my pinky toe like sticks out. And I'll catch it on stuff and I've done it and just, bro, it fucking hurts so bad. And he's got, they're like, he's gotta walk it, just wait, you know?

• 1:01:34Tom Segura?

  Wait it out.

• 1:01:35Speaker 03

  Yep.

• 1:01:35Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 1:01:36Speaker 03

  Sucks.

• 1:01:38Tom Segura?

  Let's see.

• 1:01:41Tom Segura?

  Okay.

• 1:01:45Speaker 03

  Oh, oh no!

• 1:01:47Tom Segura?

  Oh.

• 1:01:49Speaker 03

  Oh no! Oh goodness.

• 1:01:53Tom Segura?

  I like that everyone had a, a beat before everyone laughed.

• 1:01:56Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 1:01:58Tom Segura?

  I wonder if she popped right up? That's a pretty good fall, right?

• 1:02:01Speaker 03

  That's a decent fall. I think the bush, whatever that is.

• 1:02:04Tom Segura?

  But look at the height of the, the glass door there.

• 1:02:07Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 1:02:08Tom Segura?

  Right? So that's probably like seven feet or something. So she fell maybe 10 feet?

• 1:02:12Speaker 03

  About, I would say.

• 1:02:13Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 1:02:13Speaker 03

  I mean luckily that bush, I think really, I mean also what the fuck kinda design is that?

• 1:02:18Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 1:02:20Speaker 03

  Oh god, oh god, she thought it was, oh, she had that bush broke her fall the entire way down.

• 1:02:26Tom Segura?

  Right.

• 1:02:27Speaker 03

  So she scraped up.

• 1:02:28Tom Segura?

  But the slip, I didn't see that she.

• 1:02:29Speaker 03

  She stepped into nothing.

• 1:02:31Tom Segura?

  Well, no, she, I think she stepped onto the side here, like the, if you look right here, right when she takes this next step, that foot slides. I think it slides cause it got wet. Watch this.

• 1:02:43Speaker 03

  Oh yeah, you're right, you're right. Ah!

• 1:02:46Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 1:02:47Speaker 03

  I thought she thought that bush was like, that's a horrible design.

• 1:02:50Tom Segura?

  That's horrible.

• 1:02:52Speaker 03

  It's crazy.

• 1:02:52Tom Segura?

  There's eight inches you can step on and then you'll fall to your death.

• 1:02:56Speaker 03

  Yeah, it's a wet slippery surface.

• 1:02:59Tom Segura?

  That is so dumb.

• 1:03:01Speaker 03

  That's, I mean honestly, I'm surprised that got, that was allowed.

• 1:03:04Tom Segura?

  I know. This, um, I like this dude in the Speedo though, this guy's fucking cool.

• 1:03:08Speaker 03

  Yeah, definitely.

• 1:03:09Tom Segura?

  He's got a nice piece.

• 1:03:10Speaker 03

  Let's see it. I was distracted by the lady falling.

• 1:03:13Tom Segura?

  Hold on, he comes around here.

• 1:03:15Speaker 03

  Oh, okay, there we go.

• 1:03:17Tom Segura?

  Cool man. I like that this, uh, this, this video is labeled dumb broad fall.

• 1:03:25Tom Segura?

  Way to go guys.

• 1:03:27Speaker 03

  I mean, that is like an infinity pool in theory kind of.

• 1:03:31Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 1:03:33Speaker 03

  That's really, that's, yeah, that's, I, I get like.

• 1:03:36Tom Segura?

  Safety wise, by the way, this is like, it is the worst design.

• 1:03:40Speaker 03

  It's illegal. Like I really don't think you could get that passed in a city.

• 1:03:43Tom Segura?

  This cannot be, this can't be stateside. This gotta be somewhere else.

• 1:03:47Speaker 03

  Speedo is, is has to be.

• 1:03:49Tom Segura?

  The Speedo, you're right, that's the giveaway.

• 1:03:50Speaker 03

  Yeah, it's just like a hair implant country, I think.

• 1:03:54Tom Segura?

  Yeah, this is, where is this? No, it doesn't say.

• 1:03:57Speaker 03

  Doesn't even matter, I'll never go there.

• 1:03:59Tom Segura?

  Nope, we're never going to that backyard.

• 1:04:02Tom Segura?

  Also, whoever owns this should be like, just so you know.

• 1:04:06Tom Segura?

  That side of the pool, pretty big fall.

• 1:04:08Speaker 03

  Yeah, don't walk on there to get your life water or whatever the fuck that is.

• 1:04:12Tom Segura?

  Holy shit.

• 1:04:15Speaker 03

  No.

• 1:04:17Tom Segura?

  Fuck yeah.

• 1:04:19Tom Segura?

  It looks not stable.

• 1:04:21Speaker 03

  Nope, nope, nope.

• 1:04:22Tom Segura?

  You're gonna carry the air conditioning unit up a ladder that is on like scaffolding.

• 1:04:28Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 1:04:28Tom Segura?

  That isn't secure.

• 1:04:30Speaker 03

  Nope.

• 1:04:31Tom Segura?

  Oh man.

• 1:04:32Speaker 03

  That's, what do you think's gonna slide out the board of the scaffolding?

• 1:04:35Tom Segura?

  I think the ladder's gonna slide.

• 1:04:36Speaker 03

  Okay. Yeah.

• 1:04:42Speaker 03

  Oh, oh, oh! Oh!

• 1:04:50Speaker 03

  No!

• 1:04:53Speaker 03

  That is a scaffolding.

• 1:04:54Tom Segura?

  Holy shit.

• 1:04:56Speaker 03

  I think you're supposed to weigh that stuff down.

• 1:04:57Tom Segura?

  That was the worst idea though executed ever.

• 1:05:00Speaker 03

  Dude, some of these guys, I, I had a, my whole front of my house apparently had a bunch of mold in it. There was a big leak and it was a fucking, the whole thing we've been dealing with. But these guys came out to paint it, or no, the, the framers came out and, uh, did like just put the new wood up. And they had a scaffolding situation on like, I have like a garden bed, it's like stone, it's like, it's like kind of level. So that, I, you know, I wouldn't wanna like put stuff on top of it and they had scaffolding with a tire and then like four blocks of wood on one side. And then they're all, they're resting everything on. I was like, dude, you guys, some of those guys are completely fearless.

• 1:05:32Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 1:05:33Speaker 03

  Like those pics when they put up two things and they're just like a, like a metal plank you can walk across of like two shaky ladders and like.

• 1:05:40Tom Segura?

  This is how I do it every day.

• 1:05:41Speaker 03

  Oh, it's crazy.

• 1:05:42Tom Segura?

  This guy's never doing this again.

• 1:05:44Speaker 03

  Nah, he might be. What happens in these countries? I don't know if, can you like get workers comp or they just like kick you down the fucking?

• 1:05:50Tom Segura?

  No hell no.

• 1:05:50Speaker 03

  Bank of the river, like get the fuck out of here.

• 1:05:52Tom Segura?

  They're just like, oh, you fucking, you don't know how to do it right. You're supposed to carry it on your left shoulder.

• 1:05:58Speaker 03

  Oh, you're gonna die now, man, that sucks.

• 1:06:00Tom Segura?

  He's definitely had like a shattered hip or femur or something.

• 1:06:02Speaker 03

  He's fucked. I mean, I, yeah.

• 1:06:05Tom Segura?

  Yeah, he's.

• 1:06:06Speaker 03

  Oh no.

• 1:06:07Tom Segura?

  He's not good.

• 1:06:11Speaker 03

  Although, how sick would that have been if he had made that?

• 1:06:13Tom Segura?

  Oh my god.

• 1:06:14Speaker 03

  If he had got that up there.

• 1:06:15Tom Segura?

  And see, then he would have done it a hundred more times. He'd be like, yeah, I always do this.

• 1:06:17Speaker 03

  Yeah, this is how I do it.

• 1:06:18Tom Segura?

  You just take a scaffolding, you put a ladder on it and then you just carry up the air conditioning unit. What are you talking about? Like, that sounds crazy.

• 1:06:26Speaker 03

  Damn, he's fucked.

• 1:06:28Tom Segura?

  He's totally fucked dude. So wait, would you, you're pulling for the US?

• 1:06:32Speaker 03

  Yeah, I hope they win. I want, I want the US to, I mean, they're not, I've heard it's like impossible, they're not gonna win.

• 1:06:37Tom Segura?

  They're not gonna win.

• 1:06:38Speaker 03

  Just be the final, for me, that would be the final thing. That's what the rest of the world has, like, we have soccer. The US wins the World Cup once.

• 1:06:45Tom Segura?

  That would be insane.

• 1:06:46Speaker 03

  Like, yeah, you guys, just say we're the, just say we're the best, that's all.

• 1:06:49Tom Segura?

  Oh, my God.

• 1:06:50Speaker 03

  Just say we're the best. I don't even care about it like that, it's just very funny.

• 1:06:52Tom Segura?

  And the thing is, you carry that title for four years.

• 1:06:55Speaker 03

  I know, I know.

• 1:06:56Tom Segura?

  And even like forty years later, people still flex their World Cup, you know?

• 1:06:59Speaker 03

  Oh, yeah.

• 1:07:00Tom Segura?

  Yeah, it's forever.

• 1:07:01Speaker 03

  Also, we have, these are not, you know, soccer players are good, but these are not our country's best athletes.

• 1:07:06Tom Segura?

  Not even close.

• 1:07:07Speaker 03

  Not even like remotely close, so like.

• 1:07:09Tom Segura?

  Because it's not cool.

• 1:07:10Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 1:07:11Tom Segura?

  That's why.

• 1:07:11Speaker 03

  Yeah, but so if like, if we win, that's, I mean, that's crazy. That's like, uh, they're essentially, in the grand scheme of athletes, they're like minor league.

• 1:07:20Tom Segura?

  This is what, like, also, this happened in baseball, right? So baseball, like, the nick, one of the nicknames is America's past. It was our, it was our sport. And for a long time, like, you would have some amazing athletes play baseball.

• 1:07:34Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 1:07:34Tom Segura?

  And then you'd watch professional baseball and be like, holy shit, like, these guys are amazing. Baseball became less cool, less popular. And what happened is our, I'm talking about Americans, best athletes picked other sports. They went into football, they went into basketball, they went into other sports that they wanted to pursue more. Other countries then became the countries that supplied the best baseball players. So now you look at like Major League Baseball, it is like a largely Latin American.

• 1:08:03Speaker 03

  Oh, yeah.

• 1:08:03Tom Segura?

  You know what I mean? You have Dominicans and Cubans and a lot of players from other countries because it's the emphasis in that country, like, to play this game. If you had a thing where you could get, um, American, like, our best athletes to be like, fuck you, I wanna play soccer, we would have some wild athletes playing.

• 1:08:25Speaker 03

  It'd be insane. We'd have a seven foot five goalie. We would just have a guy just blocking the entire goal.

• 1:08:30Tom Segura?

  And, and like our, the, the speed positions would be like world-class.

• 1:08:35Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 1:08:36Tom Segura?

  Yeah, players.

• 1:08:36Speaker 03

  It would be unbelievable. We, I mean, here's the deal, we could win the World, if we wanted to.

• 1:08:41Tom Segura?

  If we had the, if we.

• 1:08:42Speaker 03

  If we really wanted to win the World Cup, it's ours. We just, we have better shit to do.

• 1:08:47Tom Segura?

  Imagine Devin Hester running those fucking, you know?

• 1:08:51Speaker 03

  All the best, like, wide receivers and cornerbacks in the NFL.

• 1:08:54Tom Segura?

  Come on.

• 1:08:55Speaker 03

  Come on, man, it's like, what are we talking about?

• 1:08:56Tom Segura?

  No.

• 1:08:57Speaker 03

  It's nice of us to let them have that, that's all I'm saying.

• 1:08:59Tom Segura?

  That is, that's kind of American generosity, in a lot of ways.

• 1:09:02Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 1:09:02Tom Segura?

  You could say that the World Cup is America saying, you're welcome.

• 1:09:06Speaker 03

  They literally, they should, whoever wins, like, do like a pledge allegiance to the flag and.

• 1:09:11Tom Segura?

  Yeah, thank you for not putting your best out there.

• 1:09:14Speaker 03

  Thanks for letting us have this, that's all.

• 1:09:16Tom Segura?

  It's really cool that you guys don't care that much.

• 1:09:20Speaker 03

  I am glad they're here, though. I do like people getting to come, everyone I see seems to be having a blast here.

• 1:09:24Tom Segura?

  I also, I really do get a kick out of these, I don't know, these videos that I see posted of people visiting being like, look at this fucking Walmart.

• 1:09:34Tom Segura?

  And they're like, I've never seen some shit like this.

• 1:09:36Speaker 03

  My dad recently just got to go and eat, they had no idea what a Buc-E's was, they're like, oh, gas station, pull in. My dad copped up, he might have copped like ten pounds of beef jerky.

• 1:09:45Tom Segura?

  Really?

• 1:09:46Speaker 03

  So stoked, he was like, that place is really nice, that's wow.

• 1:09:49Tom Segura?

  It's pretty cool.

• 1:09:50Speaker 03

  He had like four different flavors of jerky, flew home, it was like, that was, kinda might have been a peak experience.

• 1:09:55Tom Segura?

  That's awesome.

• 1:09:55Speaker 03

  Yeah, he was pretty stoked on the place.

• 1:09:57Tom Segura?

  And I love the Japanese.

• 1:09:59Speaker 03

  Oh, yeah.

• 1:09:59Tom Segura?

  Um, trying barbecue, they're having ribs, and they're like, I tried barbecue first time. And they take it and they're like, wow! So cool. Um, what's this here? What is, oh, somebody sent us their Fourth of July plans.

• 1:10:16Speaker 03

  Oh, nice.

• 1:10:16Tom Segura?

  Let's see what that is.

• 1:10:18Speaker 03

  Let's see.

• 1:10:18Speaker 00

  Uh, what am I doing for the Fourth of July 250th anniversary of independence in America? I'm a prisoner of Connecticut being tortured, uh, there will be no fucking party.

• 1:10:28Tom Segura?

  Oh, there you go.

• 1:10:29Speaker 03

  Oh, no.

• 1:10:32Speaker 03

  Yeah, that.

• 1:10:32Tom Segura?

  Not everybody has the same Fourth of July plans.

• 1:10:35Speaker 03

  Two fifty.

• 1:10:36Tom Segura?

  Two fifty's a big one.

• 1:10:37Speaker 03

  That's a, that is a telltale sign that like every three words, look to the side, that's a crazy guy.

• 1:10:41Tom Segura?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 1:10:42Speaker 03

  I kinda like.

• 1:10:44Tom Segura?

  The head tick?

• 1:10:44Speaker 03

  Might bring that to the stage.

• 1:10:46Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 1:10:49Speaker 03

  Yeah, what am I doing?

• 1:10:50Tom Segura?

  Are you doing a bunch of road dates?

• 1:10:52Speaker 03

  Uh, coming up in the fall. I've been doing some summer, just, you know, the summertime, doing some stuff, fall, I'm kicking back up.

• 1:10:58Tom Segura?

  Nice.

• 1:10:59Speaker 03

  Firing it up again, yeah.

• 1:11:00Tom Segura?

  I'm, uh, trying to build new hour, dude.

• 1:11:02Speaker 03

  Yeah. That's what, that's the, I think that's the most fun, honestly.

• 1:11:05Tom Segura?

  It, it, it's both.

• 1:11:07Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 1:11:07Tom Segura?

  So you have both emotions, I think, happen. This is what happened to me every time, is you go, how the fuck am I gonna do this? There's no way this is possible.

• 1:11:14Speaker 03

  Mm-hmm.

• 1:11:15Tom Segura?

  And then when you do, every time you do crack a code, you're like, this is the best.

• 1:11:19Speaker 03

  Yep, it's, it's amazing. It just sucks when you kinda stink for a while again, you're like, god damn it, I stink again. But yeah, I, uh, did you, did you film, uh, you filmed a special in the Celebrity Theater, right?

• 1:11:31Tom Segura?

  Yeah, in, in Phoenix.

• 1:11:32Speaker 03

  Dude, how? I did that place and I was like, this is the hardest, it was, it felt like I was at a party and there's too many people and I had to kinda like constantly check on everybody and it was.

• 1:11:40Tom Segura?

  Working in the round?

• 1:11:41Speaker 03

  Oh, it was nuts. At least like if they have a screen, you're like, alright, these guys can see me.

• 1:11:44Tom Segura?

  Can watch, yeah, yeah.

• 1:11:45Speaker 03

  There's no screen, so you're just like, hey, oh, ah.

• 1:11:47Tom Segura?

  I think that I like the, um, for me, cause I'm such, normally a pretty standstill guy, the little bit of movement that it makes me do, it makes me more engaged.

• 1:11:59Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 1:12:00Tom Segura?

  You know, because I don't, I'm not, I don't all of a sudden become like hyperactive, but I stay walking the whole time. I think it brings a little something to it, to the energy.

• 1:12:09Speaker 03

  I think so. I really, I was in my head during the majority of the hour, but I kept feeling, uh, like a very, it made me almost be very polished and I'd be like talking and everything I say, I was like, I have to believe in this.

• 1:12:22Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 1:12:23Speaker 03

  Cause if I'm up here flound, you can't flounder around like this, so I had to be like, I kept reminding myself of Christopher Titus. I get, that's who I kept thinking of the whole time I was up there, like, and another thing.

• 1:12:32Tom Segura?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 1:12:32Speaker 03

  It was like, it was just making me laugh, I was like, damn, I'll miss the show business.

• 1:12:36Tom Segura?

  There's another one in, uh, Long Island, have you done Westbury?

• 1:12:39Speaker 03

  Mm-mm.

• 1:12:39Tom Segura?

  That, that's also like a two thousand or twenty-five hundred seater in the round.

• 1:12:44Speaker 03

  Dude.

• 1:12:45Tom Segura?

  There's only like two or three left in the country.

• 1:12:46Speaker 03

  Really?

• 1:12:47Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 1:12:47Speaker 03

  It's fun, I liked, I actually, I do like the round, but I was like, man, this is, we don't have a giant screen to rely on. It's like, yeah, these guys can't see shit back here.

• 1:12:55Tom Segura?

  Yeah, yeah, they're all literally looking at you.

• 1:12:57Speaker 03

  Yeah, I know.

• 1:12:58Tom Segura?

  When you do the arenas, you see people like.

• 1:13:00Speaker 03

  Yeah, looking at the screen.

• 1:13:01Tom Segura?

  The craziest is when they, they sit up front and they still go.

• 1:13:04Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 1:13:05Tom Segura?

  To the theater, you're like, I'm right in front of you, dude.

• 1:13:06Speaker 03

  I'm right here.

• 1:13:07Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 1:13:07Speaker 03

  I'm right here.

• 1:13:09Tom Segura?

  Um, well, get tickets to see Matt at mattmuskusker.com and check out Matt and Shane's secret podcast on the interwebs and also on Patreon. Uh, thanks for coming in, dude.

• 1:13:21Speaker 03

  Dude, thanks for having me.

• 1:13:22Tom Segura?

  Always fun to see you.

• 1:13:22Speaker 03

  Yeah, man.

• 1:13:23Tom Segura?

  We will see you guys next week.

• 1:13:36Christina Pazsitzky?

  I speak good English, I speak good English, you do, do not speak, you do, you do, do not do you. I would be wanking my cock.

• 1:13:47Speaker 07

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• 1:13:55Speaker 05

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• 1:14:12Speaker 07

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• 1:14:40Speaker 05

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• 1:15:07Speaker 07

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• 1:15:20Speaker 05

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• 1:15:31Speaker 07

  I have never wanted to stick my dick inside of a woman. Hard out, man. Oh, shit, oh. I like you, bunter, no more, I like you, bunter, no more, I like you, bunter, no more.

• 1:15:47Speaker 05

  You're here in the fat guys, you're looking for some action, you live in Missouri, please, call me. Oh, I'll make you jump. Just hope, um, that there's some woman, our woman out there, um, who really like, um, having their pussy licked. Guys are always wanting us to love their cum. Ah, the French, and babe. Trump's up, Trump's up. Yeah, I will see you on my stuff, shit, as you well, uh, uh. Oh, white baby, bruh. Diamonds in the crack is like a pussy. Who out there is curious about eco-sex?

• 1:16:23Speaker 01

  Fucking bitch, son, ah!

• 1:16:25Speaker 05

  You know, take you over, no shame, no game, baby. I gotta DUI, baby. Try out some things you use for free people. When you fuck your mom, ask your mom to shut the fuck up, okay?

• 1:16:37Christina Pazsitzky?

  I promise to keep it sexy, I promise to keep it gangster, this is Hard Rock Nick.

• 1:16:48Christina Pazsitzky?

  That's Canada Highway, this is yours, Canada! What a pig Norm Summerton is. I am a pig.

• 1:17:01Christina Pazsitzky?

  Pig with tits, doesn't get any better than that. Someone's been a very fucking naughty fucking girl who needs a fucking spanking! I got the biggest dick of them all! I got the biggest dick of them all!

• 1:17:15Speaker 07

  What a cum hat, what a cum. Okay, come on, Mark, don't be stingy. When a goose by itself, it's a goose, but when it's a bunch of gooses, them is geese. Goddamn.

• 1:17:30Speaker 07

  I'm having a jet plane. I'm falling and I can't get up. The Association for Retarded Citizens.

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