A Classic Josh-Vs.-Lamar Battle, the Week 1 Panic Meter, Guess the Lines and Parent Corner With Cousin Sal

The Ringer’s Bill Simmons is joined by Cousin Sal to react to Week 1 of the NFL season before guessing the lines for Week 2 and closing with Parent Corner (3:08). Host: Bill Simmons Guest: Cousin Sal Producers: Chia Hao Tat, Eduardo Ocampo, and Steve Ceruti Post your job today at linkedin.com/simmons The Ringer is committed to responsible gaming. Please visit⁠⁠ www.rg-help.com⁠⁠ to learn more about the resources and helplines available. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Speaker names marked ? are inferred from speaking time and the show’s known hosts — they are not voice-verified.

• 0:00Speaker 00

  I'm pro football Hall of Famer Brian Dawkins, and I lived for a long time with something I did not know the name of: major depressive disorder. I carried sadness and anger because I thought I could handle it alone, but I couldn't. Now I want to make sure others know that that support is out there. If you're experiencing similar symptoms, talk to a healthcare professional. Visit MDDAllies.com to watch my story.

• 0:25Speaker 01

  Paid partnership with Johnson & Johnson. Brian Dawkins has not prescribed Caplyta lumateperone.

• 0:37Speaker 02

  I needed more from my antidepressant, so my doctor added Caplyta lumateperone, proven to provide greater relief from depression symptoms than an antidepressant alone, building on my progress without starting over. Caplyta is for adults with major depressive disorder when used with an antidepressant and is available by prescription only. Individual results may vary. In clinical trials, weight gain was not common.

• 0:57Speaker 01

  Elderly dementia patients have increased risk of death or stroke. Caplyta is not approved for dementia-related psychosis. Call your doctor about new or sudden mood changes, behaviors, or suicidal thoughts right away. Antidepressants may increase these risks. Report fever, confusion, stiff muscles, which may be life-threatening, or uncontrolled muscle movements, which may be permanent. High cholesterol and weight gain may occur, as can high blood sugar, which may be fatal. Monitoring is recommended. Common side effects are sleepiness, dizziness, nausea, dry mouth, feeling tired, and diarrhea. These aren't all the side effects.

• 1:24Speaker 02

  Ask your doctor about Caplyta. Learn more at caplyta.com or call 888-252-4824.

• 1:30Bill Simmons?

  The Bill Simmons Podcast brought to you by FanDuel Sportsbook. We're also brought to by the Ringer Podcast Network, where I have new rewatchables coming for you on Monday night. We did Legend of Billie Jean, 40th anniversary of an absolute cable classic. It was on all the time in the mid 80s. Chris Ryan and I broke it down. It's a one for us because it's the first week of football season. We figured we could sneak it in. Also, on the Prestige TV Podcast, there's a great new show on HBO called Task, and me and Mallory, I'm sorry, me and Joanna Robinson and Rob Mahoney. Mallory's not on it, but the other two are. And we're breaking down Task on Sunday nights. Right after the episode goes up on HBO, you can listen to our recap episode about it. So the first one's up every Sunday night. We'll be doing that, and it's an awesome show. I highly, highly, highly recommend it.

• 2:13Bill Simmons?

  I recommend all of our Ringer podcasts, obviously. Football season, this is our time. Basketball's coming. Pop culture is in full swing, and And we're excited to serve all kinds of content. I would highly encourage you to check out our two. One's a relatively new college football podcast. The other is brand new, The Ringer Tailgate with Van and Joel and Tate. And then Todd McShay's podcast, Just a Staple, has already turned into an awesome podcast for us. So they're going live on YouTube on Saturday on stagger times. Tailgate is first and then, and then McShay is after that. And then last but not least, The Ringer Sunday Pregame. We launched that today, too, on our YouTube channel. So subscribe to Ringer Gambling on YouTube and all of our

• 2:56Bill Simmons?

  stuff is on YouTube and on Spotify video as well. Coming up, Week 1, Cousin Sal. We're back, baby. Let's take a break. Let's bring in Pearl Jam and then the cus. It's the Bill Simmons Podcast presented by FanDuel and the NFL is back and thank God. FanDuel has everything. They got an awesome app. They have SGPs. They have great futures. They have good prop bets, live betting, your way bets, clean app. It's great to use. Been using it for a few years. Every time I go back to Boston or any place that has FanDuel and I get to use it, I'm always excited. I'm on an airplane runway. You done the airplane runway?

• 3:33Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 3:34Bill Simmons?

  Airplane runway.

• 3:35Speaker 01

  There should be a button, the runway.

• 3:37Bill Simmons?

  I'm on the airplane runway. I gotta get this in. Get your bets in, build something bold, make every game feel bigger. Download the FanDuel app or head to FanDuel.com/BS to get started. The Ringer, committed to responsible gaming, please visit RG-help.com to learn more about the resources and help lines available and listen to the end of this episode for additional details. You must be 21 plus and present in select states or 18 plus and present in DC, Kentucky, or Wyoming. Game problem, call 1-800-GAMBLER or visit RG-help.com. Call 1-887-89777 or visit ccpg.org/chat. Connecticut. Paid endorsement.

• 4:39Bill Simmons?

  All right, we are recording right after Bills Ravens. It is 8:42 Pacific time. I'm, I'm just traumatized by that game, cousin Sal. I had, I had Ravens minus one and a half. I had it in the Ringer 107, had it in real life. I marked it up to win. Bills fans leaving the stadium. Ravens, I think, had at least 10, 20-plus yard plays, and yet again, they proved why they are the hardened Rockets. It all looks great. Lots of stats, lots of points, and yet you can't trust them in moments like this. I'm sure it'll be fine. We'll forget this game 15 weeks from now, but better win for the Bills or worst loss for the, for the Ravens?

• 5:18Speaker 04

  I think it's a worst loss for the Ravens. I feel like for the first two and a half hours, they, maybe I'm wrong. They seemed focused on, all right, we're not fucking around. We're gonna get the one seed and we know what to do with it this year. Right? And we're light years ahead. That's the more depressing thing. I watched these two teams. I'm like, holy shit. These teams are so much better than the team I root for, but.

• 5:39Bill Simmons?

  It's true.

• 5:41Speaker 04

  No, but honestly, why are we betting these guys? I might not bet the Sunday night game anyway, just because I'm on with you afterwards. And this is, should be a pleasant thing, but to bet Baltimore Buffalo, I think it's like, why are we doing this to ourselves? We're just, it's gonna be a classic. It's gonna be one tiptoe in bounds or not. We're just, it's like going to a Michelin star restaurant and like, and like doing, loading up on gummies ahead of time. Like, no, let's enjoy the, the great meals.

• 6:06Bill Simmons?

  Yeah, but they rope it up this, in this one, because this game was done. The Ravens were scoring every time they had the ball. The fans were leaving for a reason. I was, I called house halfway through the fourth quarter to talk about our Ringer 107. I'm like, well, two and two, I'm really mad at the Falcons. We should be three and one. Like, I, I just didn't see a scenario where if the Ravens had the ball of the lead, they weren't gonna be able to put the way, the game. The Bills had that weird awkward drive midway through the fourth quarter, near the end of it. Ravens get it back, fumble. Now all of a sudden, it's like, oh, what, what happened? And then the Ravens had just an awful three and out.

• 6:43Speaker 04

  Right.

• 6:44Bill Simmons?

  In the last, in the last two and a half minutes of the game where it's like, just use Lamar, use Derrick Henry, just use your assets. They haven't stopped it all day. And I thought they played scared and conservatively, but I, I just, this Lamar versus Josh, I was thinking about it during the game. This is the best possible football game we can have in 2022, 2025 with these two guys. This is, there is no better matchup. There are no two players I'd rather see play each other. And it's weird to shove Mahomes to the side when he's won three Super Bowls and he's allegedly the face of the league, but I just think this is the marquee matchup from an entertainment standpoint. Am I correct?

• 7:22Speaker 04

  You're correct. And the Chiefs are not the team that scores 40. Not that, you know, some people don't like the 40-40 games, but I, I loved it. I enjoyed it. We saw the two best players going at it at, at the highest level, but Mahomes and the Chiefs aren't there anymore. I don't think they have been in like four years where they could score in the 40s consistently, but it was such a great one. And I just feel like we're idiots for having so much riding on it. Like there should be something, no, but something. All right. If we're gonna bet it and we have all these bets.

• 7:52Bill Simmons?

  That betting Canelo Crawford next week. Like you have to bet it. It's the two best quarterbacks.

• 7:56Speaker 04

  But can we hook up some device that buzzes our neck hard if we can, if we can cash in at 15 to one on live odds on the fricking Bills?

• 8:04Bill Simmons?

  Or zag the other way.

• 8:05Speaker 04

  Yeah, we should have to be able to do that. But a great game. It was unfortunate with Henry because he dominated and then he, that's the big fumble and that's what everyone's gonna talk about. But yeah, you don't want to give any, either of these quarterbacks the ball last. That punt, did you have a problem with that punt on fourth and three? Like, I thought it was weird.

• 8:27Bill Simmons?

  I mean, what are they gonna do? They're gonna go for that? Then you don't get it and you're basically handing them the game.

• 8:32Speaker 04

  But maybe you get it back is the thing. Like you've seen them, there's 80 points. Like it's, it's rained the last three weeks. Bring a fricking umbrella. Like you know they're gonna, you're gonna score again if you, if you, if you don't wind that clock out. I don't know.

• 8:47Bill Simmons?

  Yeah, I guess. So the Bills defense I just thought got crushed all night. It was embarrassing. Like they were just giving out big plays all over the place. And it almost seemed like the Ravens couldn't decide which big play to go for. I thought Allen was spectacular. I thought the Ravens defense was better than the Bills defense in this game and Allen just made a couple of awesome throws and they when they had the all 22 behind him camera for some of the throws. This is why a month ago when I was like, I, I know he doesn't have the resume yet, but I just, I find it hard to believe there's a better quarterback than, than Josh right now. And he kind of needed this one. I think, uh, you know, cause if the Ravens come back and they flip what happened last year in the playoff game, the Bills defense has all these questions and it's

• 9:29Bill Simmons?

  like, ah, same old, same old with the Bills. They're going to go 12 and five or 13 and four in a crappy division and I'm still not going to trust their infrastructure and their coaching and all these other things. But now they can always say, no, no, it's different this year. Remember when we came back? And then if you're the Ravens, it's like, we did this last year and then we won like 10, 11 in a row. Like nobody loses dumber games in the fourth quarter than the Ravens. And I guess I, I gotta take some accountability because on our Ringer 107 chat, I was doing all the records and I had House and I had two and two and all of a sudden the Bills scored again and it was a one score game and people like you, you jinxed the, I'm like, no, you're fine. The Ravens, that the Ravens all game. I'll take some accountability. It was a rookie mistake for me in my mid 50s.

• 10:11Speaker 04

  I think all, I think, I think actually Collinsworth was blaming you after the game. Bill, just shut your mouth and watch these two. Come on. Who needs to hear from you right now? I just want to, I just want to spoon with these two quarterbacks at halftime. Is that against the rules?

• 10:25Bill Simmons?

  I was thinking the Collinsworth tackle scale.

• 10:28Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 10:29Bill Simmons?

  Lamar's at 10 and Josh is like a nine and a half. And I think my homes is probably a nine. Cause Lamar had that, uh, that crazy scramble when he almost got, I feel like he does this once a game on national TV. The, I almost get sacked twice. I do the Whirlie Burrow. All of a sudden I'm running and, and he, I think they said in next gen stats, he traveled 76 yards. But as he was doing it, if you rewind it, you can hear Collinsworth like, ah, he's just like Henry McMahon.

• 10:56Speaker 04

  He wasn't even tackled yet.

• 10:58Bill Simmons?

  Yeah. He's just running.

• 10:59Speaker 04

  He's just running and then Henry ran.

• 11:04Bill Simmons?

  But those, both of those guys, they were just, especially when you're watching all the games all day and they're just so clearly above all these other guys we watched all day, you know?

• 11:14Speaker 04

  Definitely, definitely some of those quarterbacks at 1pm on the East Coast. Yeah, but and so many times you thought the Bills were done, right? Between the two guys just running faster than anybody, Lamar and Henry, and then Deandre's making these one-handed catches. It's like, well, that's unfair. That's gonna, he's 32, 33, he's gonna bring that in like that's, who the hell's even come close to stopping this team? But that's, they have some grit, man, the Bills, to be able to come back from that when everybody in the world thought they were done.

• 11:42Bill Simmons?

  To be able to come back from their fans walking out. They ended up with almost 500 yards of offense, 497 and 389 passing. Meanwhile, the Baltimore had 194 passing, 238 rushing. And I swear they had 10, 20 plus plays. The Buffalo had 29 first downs. Do you see, if you had to bet right now, I could give you an over/under of one and you could bet the push of these two teams in the AFC title game, would you go 0, 1 or 2?

• 12:21Speaker 04

  What the hell am I answering here? Oh, how many of the teams? Oh, I see.

• 12:25Bill Simmons?

  Ravens, Bills. Sorry to be making confusing. I'll give you 0, 1 or 2.

• 12:29Speaker 04

  Yeah, I'll go 2.

• 12:30Bill Simmons?

  So you're going both are in?

• 12:32Speaker 04

  Yeah, I mean, all right. I think the Chiefs now fall back a little bit and.

• 12:36Bill Simmons?

  I'm gonna say 1. I think one of them makes it, one of them doesn't. Yeah.

• 12:40Speaker 04

  But then who jumps in? So then the Chiefs would have to upset, really would be an upset at this point, I think, if these guys are playing like this.

• 12:46Bill Simmons?

  Broncos, maybe the Chargers after what we saw in Brazil.

• 12:49Speaker 04

  Broncos, god. You know what's interesting? I looked at the MVP 20 minutes ago. It was Lamar 3 to 1, Allen plus 500. Now it's Allen plus 380, Lamar plus 550.

• 13:00Bill Simmons?

  Oh, this is on Fandel?

• 13:02Speaker 04

  This is on Fandel and Henry 125 to 1. He was 65 to 1, 20 minutes ago.

• 13:07Bill Simmons?

  Just that fumble killed them?

• 13:09Speaker 04

  Yeah, that was it.

• 13:10Bill Simmons?

  Was Daniel Jones on there or no?

• 13:13Speaker 04

  No, but can he win comeback player? I don't know.

• 13:16Bill Simmons?

  Baker 33 to one. Jordan Love down to 12 to one. Remember we were talking about that when that was

• 13:20Speaker 04

  I love talking about this.

• 13:21Bill Simmons?

  25 to one. I had another unbelievable one. So in fantasy, in the league that we care about, the knockout league.

• 13:28Speaker 04

  Right.

• 13:29Bill Simmons?

  That we have a lot of drama that we got to talk about. A little bit later.

• 13:34Bill Simmons?

  I had James Cook going against the Bills defense and I'm down like 20 plus points to our friend, The Move. And the fantasy site we use has me as a 1% chance of winning for two hours. Meanwhile, James Cook has a touchdown. He has 18 points. The Bills defense has nothing. And I'm six back with that last TD drive. And they still have me at 1%. I'm like, update the site, you motherfuckers. And then Cook gets stuffed at like the half inch line. And that's been the story of me in fantasy football for 18 years, not to mention gambling, losing this game.

• 14:09Speaker 04

  So sorry. I don't think the guru watches the games. It's like, hey, the defense is playing with seven players. Cook should not be a 1% underdog.

• 14:17Bill Simmons?

  The guru is definitely AI. So the other thing we had where the unders today were 11 and one before this game.

• 14:23Speaker 04

  Right.

• 14:24Bill Simmons?

  And the two games that went over went spectacularly over this game and the bizarre Jets Steelers game. And then everything else went under. And I have no explanation for that.

• 14:32Speaker 04

  Yeah, but we always know this. This is where you and I need to be smarter. It's like the offensive lines are the latest to gel, right? Why aren't we betting unders? Like just, all right, if we lose, whatever, then we can move on to a different narrative. But yeah, I was so mad. I did tell you that Steelers Jets, I didn't think they'd be, I didn't think Rogers was doing for four touchdowns, but I thought that was a four box game. Ended up being a great one.

• 14:54Bill Simmons?

  Yeah, you did call that one. I gotta hand it to you. So the Bills, that was their first win by 15 plus in the fourth quarter in the regular season since 1967. Before either of us were alive.

• 15:04Speaker 04

  Right.

• 15:05Bill Simmons?

  Memorable game. I picked the Bills to win the, to win the Super Bowl, to beat the Green Bay Packers. What did, did you have them in the Super Bowl or no?

• 15:11Speaker 04

  I have them beating the Buccaneers. So I'll stick with it. I'll stick with it.

• 15:15Bill Simmons?

  So weirdly, it was a loss for us with the Ravens today, but a win for us long-term. And I think the Bills, I'd be shocked if they didn't sign Jabril Peppers, who the Patriots inexplicably waived last week and then probably needed today. But I just think they're going to keep throwing bodies at that, at that safety issue and try to figure it out.

• 15:34Speaker 04

  Listen, we've been, we're excited and rightfully so about this game, but the Ravens beat them in the regular season, right? And then the Bills beat them in the playoffs. So can only put too much weight on September 7th.

• 15:45Bill Simmons?

  Usually when a, when a fan shoves the, the player on another team and then the star player on that team shoves the fan back and we have like a stands altercation, the karma of that usually sinks the fan base.

• 15:58Speaker 04

  Right.

• 15:58Bill Simmons?

  It was the opposite. It seemed like it ignited the Bills.

• 16:01Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 16:01Bill Simmons?

  They fired up. Lamar shoved one of our guys. We were some drunk idiot, probably. I don't know if he was drunk or just crazy leaning over. Way to get involved with NFL players.

• 16:10Speaker 04

  He's gonna get like 14 signed balls now because of it.

• 16:13Bill Simmons?

  Yeah. You think he's, he'll be victimized somehow?

• 16:15Speaker 04

  Oh, sure. Yeah.

• 16:16Bill Simmons?

  Who did, where, where'd you have in the Phillies lady? Would you have in that whole thing? That was too harsh for her?

• 16:23Speaker 04

  You like that? Too harsh?

• 16:24Bill Simmons?

  Yeah.

• 16:25Speaker 04

  You know, I don't know. I go too far.

• 16:26Bill Simmons?

  We have like three aunts who would do that.

• 16:28Speaker 04

  Yeah, I know. I know. But it's like, we're gonna find out where she lives. We're gonna, she's never gonna work another day again. It's like, all right. She, she was, in the moment, she got caught up and thought the ball was hers. Probably shouldn't have left her seat, but you know, people do dumb things. Phillies fan, too. Yeah.

• 16:43Bill Simmons?

  Yeah, Phillies fan. Any other Ravens Bills takes?

• 16:47Speaker 04

  Not really. I just, I mean, I, I, again, I was just.

• 16:50Bill Simmons?

  You seem distraught. I didn't realize we get distraught. You lost a lot of money, Sal.

• 16:55Speaker 04

  You lose money. I was on the 107. We had the Ravens as well. And, uh, and, and that third part of it where I, what I said earlier, that my team is never gonna be even close to that good.

• 17:06Bill Simmons?

  Yeah.

• 17:06Speaker 04

  Yours either, by the way. We'll talk about it.

• 17:08Bill Simmons?

  The AFC East, that was their only win today. The Bill Simmons Podcast is brought to you by FanDuel. Football fans, week one, not over yet. FanDuel, still the best place to keep celebrating because they're giving all customers a no sweat NFL bet on tonight's game from the money line to player props, same game parlays, whatever you want. Your no sweat bet could be used on any NFL wager type, and if it doesn't win, you'll get bonus bets back. So we got Bears. Hosting the Vikings, a Monday night game. I think the Bears are going to win. I would, I would probably if I was doing a same game parlay, I would probably do something with Caleb TD. Maybe Roma Dunze, why not? Bears to win, I don't know, put together, but I think the Bears are going to win on Monday night.

• 17:53Bill Simmons?

  Visit fanduel.com/BS to kick off your NFL season with a no sweat bet. Every game day during week one. Make FanDuel your go to app for all of this stuff, by the way. Play your game with FanDuel, an official sports betting partner of the NFL. Must be 21 plus present in select states or 18 plus present in DC, Kentucky or Wyoming. Opt in required refund issued does not withdrawable bonus bets that expire seven days after receipt. Max refund unless otherwise specified $5. Restrictions apply, including token expiration. See terms at sportsbook.fanduel.com. Game problem, call 1-800-GAMER or visit rg-help.com. Call 1-8879-7777 or visit ccpg.org/chat in Connecticut. This episode is brought to you by LinkedIn.

• 18:35Bill Simmons?

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• 19:19Bill Simmons?

  Terms and conditions apply. Week one panic rankings. I'm just going to throw some things out. You tell me what the number is from zero to 10. We got to start with the Dolphins. They got absolutely demolished. I think the halftime, the yardage was like Indy had 270 or something like that and Miami had like 44. Tua looked atrocious. Daniel Jones, his career was rejuvenated to the point that there's now comeback player of the year action on him. Indy statistically had the best offense, I think of week one heading into this game and then the Bills Ravens demolished them. But you and I, neither of us like Miami heading into the season. And I think the over under landed at seven and a half. I bet it multiple

• 20:02Bill Simmons?

  times. I have them all under five and a half. I just thought they're gonna suck. And guess what? They sucked. I don't know if it's gonna last, but they sucked today.

• 20:09Speaker 04

  I think you nailed it. I would be careful because they have your team next week. So maybe don't say too much, but seven and a half the panic meter? We're picking a number? Or?

• 20:19Bill Simmons?

  Go zero to 10 on Miami.

• 20:20Speaker 04

  Eight. I think seven and a half's a good number for that, too. But yeah, I would say eight because their defense is way worse than I thought, too. I mean, Tua could throw the picks and we could point and laugh at that stuff. That's gonna happen, I guess. But the Colts, this is a weird stat. The Colts had seven drives the whole game and scored on every one of them. And that's never happened or that hasn't happened like 70 years. Like, how do you have seven drives? You have three drives, one half? One and a half, you had three drives?

• 20:46Bill Simmons?

  They had a couple of long ones. They had, there was interceptions where they got the ball in Miami territory. And then, I don't know, a lot of clock killing.

• 20:56Speaker 04

  3921 time of possession. So I mean, that's pretty dominant, but good job. I mean, that guy, if they don't fire him, what is, is it Halloween? Do we have a name for that? Like, can you get to Halloween?

• 21:10Bill Simmons?

  I was gonna, I was gonna ask you this. We lost the clapper. Sadly, we didn't really lose him because he's on NBC and we have to watch him on television. We had to watch him fill during a rain delay. We lost Coach Middle seat. We need a new kind of coach whipping boy with a nickname. And obviously it should be Mike McDaniel. Possible nicknames for him. Mike McWeirdo. Coach one day closer to death. Cause that was a quote from his. Mike McDont. I don't know. What do we want to call him? Do we, or maybe we let the listeners come up with it or people in the YouTube chat? What? We, we gotta, it's gotta be on the par of the clapper and coach middle seed. And I, I don't know. I do, I don't mind coach one day closer to death.

• 21:52Speaker 04

  That's pretty good. That's pretty good. I, I'd like to hit the nerd angle a little if someone's thinking about it. I can't. What's the, the coach McDungeons and Dragons? I don't know. He's, I don't know what he's, uh, I don't know what his thing would be, but he's more annoying. You know, if you're a tough guy.

• 22:08Bill Simmons?

  Coach McDungeons?

• 22:09Speaker 04

  Oh, that's good. Coach McDungeons.

• 22:12Bill Simmons?

  I don't know. The clapper, that shout out to Lombardi. I don't know if we ever stop popping the clacker. I do, I don't mind coach one day closer to death. Cause he's also.

• 22:23Speaker 04

  Oh, that's right. Now I know what you're saying.

• 22:25Bill Simmons?

  He's closer to first coach fired. Yeah. No, he had that quote.

• 22:28Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 22:29Bill Simmons?

  When he was like, kind of shaking off a bad practice and said, we're all one day closer to death. Coach death. That might be it. Uh, the other achievement they did. So I had them in the multi-view. Knocked them out like halfway through the second quarter. I don't ever remember a week one. You need to go here. Here's the door. Here are the keys to your car. The valet's pulling car up. Please leave. Just knocked out. Never to be seen again on the, cause we had eight games in the early games. Had to get them out.

• 23:00Speaker 04

  Next week we have nine. One day Fandel's gonna have odds on like how long it takes for you to knock a certain game out of your four box. Oh, that would be great. Like over.

• 23:08Bill Simmons?

  I thought it was gonna be Pittsburgh Jets. I thought would have been, uh, over under 50 minutes, just like a slugfest six to three.

• 23:14Speaker 04

  They just kept scoring.

• 23:15Bill Simmons?

  Fourth quarter and they, it actually was entertaining as you said. Um, week one panic rankings. So I'm gonna go, I'm going higher than you. I'm going nine and a half for Miami because, uh, defensive backs terrible. Offensive line didn't look good. To a, I don't know. And then the coaching thing and just the general malaise, but they do, they are getting the Pats who seem like a mess against the Raiders.

• 23:38Speaker 04

  My son looked, there was a shot of Tyreek Hill like just convulsing on the sideline. He's like, oh, he's crashing out. That's a big thing with the kids crashing out. I was like, was that bad? Yeah. Is I have the medical thing? Should he really be? It's like, no, no, he'll be all right. He's just crashing out. Like, oh, he's having like a little tantrum. That's good. So he'll demand the trade in three weeks.

• 23:55Bill Simmons?

  So, oh, crashing out?

• 23:57Speaker 04

  Yeah, crashing out.

• 23:57Bill Simmons?

  Okay. Uh, we go on panic rankings. Kansas City's AFC West dominance. So they're in last place for the first time since like, uh, 1998. Um, it's interesting. Vegas looked good. We're going to talk about that game later. Vegas's offense looked good and I was pretty impressed by them in general. The Bowers did get hurt. The Chargers were awesome on Friday in Brazil.

• 24:23Speaker 04

  Excellent.

• 24:24Bill Simmons?

  And then, uh, and then Denver turned the ball over four times at home and somehow still won by eight. KC's AFC West run, do you still think they win the division? And is it, is that a panic yet?

• 24:38Speaker 04

  I'm going to stay with it. I'm going to say a five panic, but that could jump to a seven if they lose to the Eagles. I know it's not a division game, but, um, yeah, they, they could be in a little bit of trouble. I mean, where are these? It's a giant loss. They're not moving the ball. Like I said, you're not going to count on Kelsey for, you know, three touchdowns every two weeks or anything.

• 24:58Bill Simmons?

  Well, Kelsey with the friendly fire, just annihilating Worthy wasn't

• 25:01Speaker 04

  Right.

• 25:02Bill Simmons?

  A great way to start the game.

• 25:03Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 25:03Bill Simmons?

  Also wasn't great in our guillotine league for, uh, our, our publicist, Louis K.

• 25:09Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 25:09Bill Simmons?

  Who I think is getting bounced, who got one play out of Xavier Worthy and that was it for him.

• 25:14Speaker 04

  Yeah, that's bad news. I'm in another league with someone at Worthy and A.J. Brown. So it was like a zeros across, a one across the board. Yeah. Chiefs are plus 170. What were they the, what was, there was like a pick them, right?

• 25:25Bill Simmons?

  Yeah, they, they were like minus 110. So they're plus 170 on Fanduel. Chargers are plus 190. Broncos are plus 260. So they were around 300 to 330 all year. And now that's plus 260. And then the Raiders are nine to one. That Chiefs plus 170, that has to be the highest it's been since they've had moments. There can't be any other situation where they haven't been minus 110 or, or higher than that.

• 25:49Speaker 04

  That year they went on the road, they still won the division, right? Yeah. They, they always win the division. Yeah. Yeah. Plus 170 is giant.

• 25:56Bill Simmons?

  Well, I'll tell you.

• 25:58Bill Simmons?

  Oh, would you want to talk about that game now really quick?

• 26:00Speaker 04

  Sure.

• 26:01Bill Simmons?

  That Friday Brazil. First, I'm never betting on the Brazil game again. So good luck to the rest of the Brazil games. I just think we're two in a row of just that, like, just put that game over there. It's just basically on crack.

• 26:15Bill Simmons?

  Herbert was incredible. That was the best game I've ever seen him play. And I know I've been, I've been in the camp of, all right, can he at least earn it before we call him a top seven QB? And the nerds love him and it's been this whole thing. And the nerds have always been about the potential of him and the efficiency versus the actual results and stuff like getting his ass kicked in the playoffs last year. He fucking crushed the Chiefs in that game. That was one thing. The Chiefs defense, I thought, looked really wobbly. And then same stuff with, with Chiefs offense where the explosive plays seemed just really hard for them. Now, where they went out early. But I didn't, they remind me of the Pats after the 07 bit, kind of between the two eras before they got it going again.

• 26:59Bill Simmons?

  When they're in that kind of weird, trying to figure out who they were and the infrastructure was there and they still had the QB. But it was obviously a transition from one era to another. And I, I just wonder what the ceiling for them is. I didn't think they were impressive at all.

• 27:13Speaker 04

  No, they weren't. But so the ceiling is, are they 11 and 0 and 1 score games, you know, going forward? Because that's what they were last year.

• 27:21Bill Simmons?

  Now they're 0 and 1, right?

• 27:22Speaker 04

  0 and 1, but we like, what do we, you know, what do we expect? Like, is this going to be a team that hangs on and makes you pay in the end? I mean, it didn't look like, they looked like they were dominant, like you said, like Herbert. And we've seen, well, how many quarterbacks have we seen in our life? Like 73,000? I don't know. But when he's hopping around in the pocket.

• 27:41Bill Simmons?

  Yeah.

• 27:41Speaker 04

  And he has time. I get like Dan Marino vibes. I'm like, he's going to complete this pass. I don't know where it's going. And now I feel like he's comfortable, like he had eight different pass catchers on Friday, whatever day it was. And Quentin Johnston looks like a serious player now. So it's kind of like a different offense.

• 27:58Bill Simmons?

  He was killing them on third and longs, which are usually where the Chiefs would dial up some Spagnolo or something. It wasn't working in that game. And, uh, and the other thing, we talked about this when we did the preseason thing about Slater going out and how they were equipped to replace that better than really because they could move Joe Alt over, which still made them weaker, but they did have Joe Alt, who was like the six pick in the draft two years ago. And by all accounts, I mean, he was awesome in the game, but then the advanced metrics of like, he was 0 for 44. And when you tried to pressure him, like he just completely dominated whoever he was going against.

• 28:34Speaker 04

  Right.

• 28:35Bill Simmons?

  There's a little nobody believes in us too, that I considered, I, I shorted them. I went against them for the playoffs, but everybody had either Denver or KC in that division. Everybody had them going backwards. The Slater injury, but I thought they had a little oomph to them in that game.

• 28:49Speaker 04

  Well, first of all, I think we overvalue or overrate or don't know how to analyze offensive line injuries, like that Vera Tucker guy goes out for the Jets and he's obviously their best lineman and they're still scoring.

• 28:59Bill Simmons?

  Somehow it didn't matter. For the right tackle in the Falcons, there's some move in the ball.

• 29:03Speaker 04

  Right. Like, so just maybe ignore it. I know it could be a disaster of two or three of these guys go out, but I don't know if it's nobody believes in us, but it might just be nobody roots for us. Like nobody roots for us like, like they do in Brazil.

• 29:16Bill Simmons?

  Yeah.

• 29:17Speaker 04

  So now it's, because I feel like people love the Chargers. They want the Chargers to win. They want the Bengals to win. These are teams that disappoint over and over and over for one reason or another.

• 29:27Bill Simmons?

  What do you got for the Ravens on the panic scale?

• 29:31Speaker 04

  I mean, they've been here, they've literally been here before. No, that's a good team. That, that's a, that's a great team. I, I don't, I mean, what, what, what are they gonna, they're not gonna win the division, you know, like, you saw Cincinnati, you thought was better than that? Pittsburgh, fine.

• 29:46Bill Simmons?

  With about eight minutes left in that game, the lead of this podcast would have been, holy shit, Baltimore's head and shoulders above every team in the league.

• 29:53Speaker 04

  Right.

• 29:54Bill Simmons?

  And this is what they did multiple times last year where they would play these, that's why the Harden Rockets analogy is so perfect for them. Hit a million threes and then the game gets tight and all of a sudden those threes, it gets a little tighter. Um, I'm not worried about them. I, I'm a two. I'm a two. It's a dumb loss and nobody will remember it happened eight weeks from now.

• 30:13Speaker 04

  Right.

• 30:13Bill Simmons?

  This is way more important for Buffalo. Uh, the Bryce Young bandwagon, he was bad.

• 30:19Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 30:20Bill Simmons?

  He was bad. And that was a weird game because there was like a very strange lightning delay.

• 30:24Speaker 04

  Barely ended just now. Yeah.

• 30:26Bill Simmons?

  It was, it was like three to three for a while, then it was 10-3. There was a lightning delay. Travis Etienne ran for 71 yards, took him down inside like the 20. All of a sudden it was 17-3. And Bryce Young, two picks, a fumble. He had a pick six that got saved by a Jacksonville penalty and called back.

• 30:47Speaker 04

  On the other side of the field and then he follows it up with a touchdown. So his stats would have looked a lot worse than that.

• 30:53Bill Simmons?

  And then the other one he had, which really should be, there should be a way to keep track of this. Fourth and goal, throws it out of the end zone.

• 31:02Speaker 04

  Mm hmm.

• 31:03Bill Simmons?

  I, that should almost be a turnover. If you're not, instead of throwing it out of the end zone, just lob it into a group of people and hope it gets batted around or something like, you know, it's not going to work throwing it in the end zone. So I just thought he was awful. And I didn't really understand the Bryce Young. I mean, it was nice that he wasn't a bust last year because he played better. But it wasn't like, oh, here comes Bryce Young. Like he was okay second half last year compared to what we thought he was going to be, but he was bad today.

• 31:29Speaker 04

  I think he like took him to overtime like three times or something. It's, it's a little overblown how great he was towards the end of the year. But it's a bad sign that they got Andy Dalton, the driver, um, the team that which means, uh, they're looking to put him in anytime soon.

• 31:46Bill Simmons?

  They got him a waymo.

• 31:47Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 31:48Bill Simmons?

  24 hour way.

• 31:49Speaker 04

  It's like secret service protection for the quarterback, but just when it comes to driving.

• 31:55Bill Simmons?

  The Bryce Young bandwagon, I'm going to put at a solid seven.

• 31:58Speaker 04

  Yeah, that's good.

• 31:59Bill Simmons?

  Okay.

• 32:00Speaker 04

  I'll go seven. Yep.

• 32:01Bill Simmons?

  How about the Detroit Lions offense without Ben Johnson? What do you got for that?

• 32:05Speaker 04

  Nah, I'm going four here. I don't know why. I, I, I mean, isn't that to be expected? That they're out of sorts a little in the offense without a great coordinator and they'll, the athletes are good enough that they'll eventually catch up. You forget like these guys, the dumb thing is a lot of these guys didn't play in preseason, right?

• 32:23Bill Simmons?

  Yeah.

• 32:23Speaker 04

  So if you lose a coordinator and you don't play in preseason, that first game is going to suck. Uh, I mean, you had the Packers, right?

• 32:31Bill Simmons?

  I did. I thought the Lions offensive line was pretty sketchy in that game. And that game was not as close as the final score. The game felt like it was over for an hour and a half. And at one point it was like 23 to 3, 26, 3, something like that. I'm more worried about the Detroit offense than you. I think that, I think that Ben Johnson, that just, they were kind of just had an overqualified coaching staff. And now they have a normal coaching staff on top of not having as good of an offensive line, which was one of the reasons to go under with them. So I'm probably like a six with that.

• 33:03Speaker 04

  I think Gibbs had 10 receptions for 31 yards or something like that. We saw like five stats that never existed before and that's, that's.

• 33:12Bill Simmons?

  They were trying so hard to get him going. Next one for the panic rankings, Bo Nix fantasy owners.

• 33:19Bill Simmons?

  He was, he wasn't a top five fantasy QB, but he was like kind of right there. Like, oh, if I can get Bo Nix, I'm good.

• 33:26Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 33:27Bill Simmons?

  He was awful in that Tennessee game, like really bad. And the Broncos in general, the offense was alarmingly bad. But I thought he was like bad. That this was the Bo Nix we were worried about when he was coming out of college. So I'm going to be, I'm, I'm at least a five for my Super Bowl fringe contender Broncos hopes that I had. And then win the division, all that stuff.

• 33:49Speaker 04

  I'll put her at a five also. He was not good today at all. Probably could have had like four interceptions. He calls his own number a lot. He runs his way out of like bad situations. So that's good. And he threw a dime. He, the touchdown pass was, was very solid, but yeah, for the first half, it looked like he was the rookie. And you know, Cam Ward was the, was the second year quarterback, kind of like Caleb Williams versus Will Levis game one last year.

• 34:15Bill Simmons?

  But yeah, that game had, and I, we all sniffed it out. We knew with Survivor, we knew with teases and parlays. That game had all the makings and Denver did everything they could to try, but the Titans offensively just, they had no chance against that Broncos defense. They couldn't move the ball.

• 34:33Speaker 04

  I think that was the NFL eliminator gods putting their hand on our shoulders, but like, hey, guys, it's not going to be easy this year. Don't you, don't, don't think you're going to.

• 34:41Bill Simmons?

  Well, we had that. We had Arizona against New Orleans. New Orleans driving at the end. And then we had that ridiculous Cleveland Cincinnati game.

• 34:50Bill Simmons?

  Next for the panic rankings. The look on another person's face as you tell them, I think I'm going to bet the Falcons at home. What are your thoughts? Because for me, it needs to be intervention, like TV intervention styles, like the first of a one hour show in the 90s where somebody knocks on the character's door and it's like, hey, can you come over to Bobby's house? And then all his friends are there and they intervene. I'm just never doing it again. I can't do it again. I can't.

• 35:19Speaker 04

  I'm writing down all the things you're never doing again.

• 35:21Bill Simmons?

  That one I'm never doing again. And Atlanta had a drive that was an hour long to try to, to try to go ahead in the fourth quarter that where they were inside the 10 and somehow had two consecutive four down. Uh, there were challenges. There was like, it ended up being 10 plays inside like the five and then they got it and then they lost anyway.

• 35:43Speaker 04

  Yeah, I feel like we get it with Penix already. Every play is going to be him diving for the pylon. It's going to be close or his knee is down or his elbow's down before he reached over the goal line. But I thought we agreed not to bet this one. I thought we said we like Tampa Bay. Tampa Bay is banged up. We're going to sit out because Atlanta's going to probably win this game and then we could, then we could pound Tampa Bay for the division. That's not how it worked out, but they're still minus 170. I wouldn't mind that. And you could blame yourself too. You did the Falcons three exclamation, exclamation points on our text when, uh, when Penix scored there, I think. Right?

• 36:15Bill Simmons?

  I did. I, I forgot Baker Mayfield. Yeah. Well, the Bundo said in our text thread that, uh, for some reason, Koo has been involved in an intimate moment of, of 42 straight Falcons games. I don't know how that's possible.

• 36:30Speaker 04

  1pm game. Yeah. Yeah.

• 36:31Bill Simmons?

  It's funny how I did not think he was going to make that kick. Boswell in the Pittsburgh Jets game where it's like Boswell from six. It's like, ah, this will be good from 90. And Koo is a good kicker, but for some reason it, there was a little bit of a stink. He'd already missed a PAT earlier in the game. Uh,

• 36:49Speaker 04

  Tampa missed a PAT, right? McLaughlin missed. Yeah. The special teams is awful today. I know it takes a minute for the offensive lines to gel, but the special teams, other than the Steelers, somehow Boswell getting out there all of a sudden. I don't know. Was he a top three kicker you would trust for that? I couldn't believe how confidently he went out there and knocked it through.

• 37:08Bill Simmons?

  Last one for the panic rankings, Houston's offense, which looked awful against the Rams. Now they're missing a couple of receivers, but yeah. Uh, I thought their offensive line. Was alarming and, uh, and the Rams, they're a good defense. It's not that good.

• 37:25Speaker 04

  Right.

• 37:25Bill Simmons?

  And Houston just couldn't do anything. They took out Collins. And, uh, this was the big fear with Houston going into it. All of us were trying to figure out a different AFC South team to pick. None of us could talk ourselves into Jacksonville, Indianapolis, or Tennessee. Everyone begrudgingly took the Texans. Well, they have CJ Stroud. They have some good receivers. Their defense is good. Uh, I thought the offense, the fact that they were relying on Nick Chubb like that too, is just kind of, uh, I kept hearing rumors of this the last couple of weeks, but man, um, nine points for them and, uh, I'm concerned.

• 37:58Speaker 04

  Yeah, I'll give it a six. I'll give it a six only because you don't, you don't need to score a lot to win that division probably, but, uh, yeah, I mean, what happened? Our friend Hench drafted like, he drafted Marks. I was like, what? Who is that? He's like, uh, it's still like the fourth string running back to Texas. I was like, is that A R X or C K? What is, how is that? But yeah, they, yeah, you said two receivers are gone and Collins did nothing. So weird, weird game.

• 38:24Bill Simmons?

  Do we have a nobody believes in us team in your opinion yet in 2025? Because I think the nominees are Las Vegas and Indianapolis, unless there's another team I can't think of. I think those would be the two.

• 38:38Speaker 04

  I, I guess, yeah. Oh, man, you really, we really want to do this with Indianapolis?

• 38:43Bill Simmons?

  I just, I'm just trying to think of a team that won today, that it is actually conceivable they'd make the playoffs, but it seems ridiculous.

• 38:51Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 38:52Bill Simmons?

  I think those would be the two.

• 38:53Speaker 04

  I think that, I think the Raiders were the only underdog who won outright today, right? Well, I guess the, the Bills technically, but, um, yeah, so that would make sense. I'll throw the Jaguars in there. I know you don't, you don't like them, but I believe in them. I think they win that division.

• 39:09Bill Simmons?

  We can talk about that game in a second. Did week one change your mind on anything from how you felt before the season? Is there one thing where you're like, oh, I would mulligan the shit out of that?

• 39:22Speaker 04

  I was trying to think about that. Like, what would I take back? So I'm most happy about my Bucks to win the division, making it to the Super Bowl pick. I'm most bummed about shorting the Rams. But like you said, who knows with that game? Maybe the Rams defense isn't that good and the Texans just didn't bring it for week one. But that, those are the two right now.

• 39:42Bill Simmons?

  Mine is, I already talked about it with you a week ago about being bullish on the Pats and gradually coming off it over the last two, three weeks as a couple of injuries and just some of the feedback coming out of camp and the coaching stuff. And it just seemed like they were kind of preparing people like, yo, we've had a lot of turnover. Like this is, we don't have high expectations. I think that one. And then I kind of wish I'd gone harder on Detroit or KC, just like not picking one of them to miss the playoffs. Cause I do think it's really possible that one of those two teams is a year from hell candidate. But I could just see one of those two teams missing it. I don't think, I don't know if they will.

• 40:24Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 40:25Bill Simmons?

  But especially the Lions, like I could see a scenario where they don't make it. And we talked about it, we circled that I have the balls to do it.

• 40:32Speaker 04

  Yeah. Well, I mean, don't, you know, I think you had the right idea right away at your initial, like, maybe the Patriots have the year from hell. Well, they the second or third worst team in the league. I'll give you a Dolphins Giants, you'll be, you could be third.

• 40:44Bill Simmons?

  No, we're better than the Browns and the Saints. The funny thing is that they, they didn't even play well when they were in that game, the whole game. The defense was pretty good. They had pressure the whole game.

• 40:52Speaker 04

  I don't know. That they gave three 62 yards to Gino. And I don't know.

• 40:56Bill Simmons?

  And you made some good plays.

• 40:58Speaker 04

  But your offense isn't good enough. You battle back with K. Sean, what's his name? I don't know. It's gonna be tough.

• 41:05Bill Simmons?

  Campbell at left tackle was playing hurt and they just were working him like a speed back. The offensive line was not great. They couldn't run the ball. I thought Vegas played pretty well, though. One other thing, this isn't a change your mind, but.

• 41:20Bill Simmons?

  It felt like kick returns and people were predicting that this could be the case, but I thought kick returns were way more noticeable this year with changing field position. I thought it had an impact on the Tennessee Denver game. There's a couple of games where all of a sudden people are on the 45 or the 50, whereas like for years and years, we were just having touchbacks and people starting drives on the 22, the 24. Now all of a sudden, it felt like we were in the 30 to 45, right? Did you notice that?

• 41:48Speaker 04

  Yeah, I did. I think, yeah, special teams, just in general, like we were talking about even punt returns, the Bills fumbled a punt return and there were more kick returns. I'm still not sure of the rule exactly where you're short of the zone of intention or whatever the hell it's called. But yeah, that was such bad clock, clock management. How can you kick it through the end zone in Denver? Like, how's it go to the 10 anyway?

• 42:09Bill Simmons?

  I know.

• 42:10Speaker 04

  That screwed them up.

• 42:11Bill Simmons?

  The only other thing, and I picked Green Bay to make the Super Bowl. This was before the Parsons trade. But I do wonder, this isn't a thing I would change necessarily, but they did have a look to them today, like a kind of a juggernauty kind of look. And we've seen some teams flash this in week one and they go away. But I was looking at their schedule. Commanders on Thursday, at the Browns, at the Cowboys, bye week, home Bengals, at Cardinals, at Steelers on a Sunday night, home Panthers, home Eagles, at Giants, home Vikings, at Lions on Thanksgiving. It's not that hard of a schedule.

• 42:52Speaker 04

  Well, they're favored. Every, every game you met, I mean, at Pittsburgh will be close, but yeah, they're favored in all those.

• 42:58Bill Simmons?

  Yeah. Like if you said, all right, at gunpoint, pick a team that's going to start out 10-0.

• 43:03Speaker 04

  Right.

• 43:04Bill Simmons?

  I think I would pick them. I, I don't think, probably nobody's going to start 10-0, but I think that's probably the team that has the best, just they can do, they didn't really have weaknesses from what we saw today. They can run the ball, they can throw the ball, they can rush the passer, they can cover, they can basically do everything and they're a monster home team.

• 43:22Speaker 04

  Yep. So it looks like they hit on the rookies too. Golden, golden solid. They do have, Fandel does have first team, or last team to lose. They don't have it up right now. I do like that Parsons played like 29 snaps and he's getting almost all the credit. So it seems like they're gonna hate him.

• 43:37Bill Simmons?

  Out of those 29, they had like, he had like four or five genuinely impactful

• 43:42Speaker 04

  Right.

• 43:42Bill Simmons?

  moments on there.

• 43:45Bill Simmons?

  So the AFCs could have been 0-4, they're not. The Chiefs are in last place. Only one NFC team scored 25 points today.

• 43:53Speaker 04

  Oh.

• 43:53Bill Simmons?

  To your point. Yeah.

• 43:56Speaker 04

  That's right. Yeah.

• 43:57Bill Simmons?

  Yeah. Okay. Everyone was 24 and under, except for the Packers. So, all right, we're gonna take, uh, we're gonna take one more break for the podcast and then, uh, keep going here on the, uh, on the Youtubes. This episode is brought to you by Carhartt. We spend a lot of time talking about football, the players, the coaches, the big plays, but there's a whole other team we rarely think about, the people who make the game possible. The workers building stadiums, paving parking lots, growing the grass, welding the goalposts, even making the footballs. They're committed to their craft and they're doing the work long before kickoff. Carhartt is proud to outfit those crews. So next time you're watching a game, take a second to appreciate the people behind it. Learn more at carhartt.com/jointhetrades. This episode is brought to you by Workday.

• 44:42Bill Simmons?

  Guessing is for game shows, not your business, especially when your margin for error is zero. Workday is the enterprise AI platform for HR, finance and IT, with a deep understanding of your organization's context and guardrails. So every AI action is permission aware, giving you accuracy 24/7 and the ability to not just get work done, but get it done right. It's a new Workday. So quickly zipping through the games. Packers beat the Lions. That one never felt close when we talked about that. We do need to talk about 49ers Seahawks. It had all the makings of a classic Niners dominate, somehow blow the game, have some stupid special team stuff. They missed a field goal. They had a blocked field goal.

• 45:26Bill Simmons?

  It's like, oh, that, this is the classic, really stupid Niners, week one loss.

• 45:31Bill Simmons?

  And McDaniel's, I'm sorry, McDonald's.

• 45:33Speaker 04

  McDonald, yeah.

• 45:35Bill Simmons?

  Fourth down and one. We now have 15 years of nerds explaining to us why you have to go for this and go for the kill.

• 45:43Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 45:44Bill Simmons?

  End the game. Don't let the Niners get the ball back. Just, just go for the first down. You win the game if you get it. And he kicks a field goal and the Niners come right back down and score and Seattle ends up losing the game. Especially in week one, I'm going for this. This is like, you're sending a message to your team. Like it's a different season. We're fucking ramming it down their throat. Fuck them. Fuck the Niners. We're fucking doing this. And instead like, whoa, we kicked the field goal. Hopefully our defense could hold. I just hated it.

• 46:17Speaker 04

  Did Olson do that game? Olson did that game, right? I mean, he brought up, I'm pretty sure Greg Olson did that. He had a good point. Yeah, of course, because they had three timeouts left. There was three and a half minutes left for San Francisco. So, I don't know, if you kick a field goal, I feel like it's a, it's a, it's a push at that point, right? You gotta run clock. You gotta make them eat some of their timeouts. You know, fourth and one, you can make that. If you don't make fourth and one, you use your timeouts well and you'll get the ball back. But I think you gotta knock them out right there, for sure.

• 46:49Bill Simmons?

  Hated it. And then the play, so they get this long first down on there. They're trying to pull off a game winning drive. And JSN, who was awesome, who was their only receiver. No, but no other receiver had more than 15 yards.

• 47:01Speaker 04

  Right.

• 47:02Bill Simmons?

  Makes this play, sets them up. It's getting close to the two minute warning and they kinda did like a spasm and it's, but they hand the ball off, nothing. And then all of a sudden, the second down pass play where Darnold, they're like, on the 11, Darnold, you know, in the middle of chaos, like, I'm just getting the ball out as fast as possible with Sam Darnold in that situation. Cause you know, the Niners are bringing, I didn't like the play. I didn't like how they handled that last stretch. I mean, they were third, three for 10 on third down. They had 230 yards total and they only had 22 minutes of possession. So maybe he just didn't believe in the offense for a reason, but I, I just didn't like the coaching by them. I thought they should have won the game.

• 47:41Speaker 04

  I don't think he's gonna win 13 games with them like he did last year. It was 13 he went with the Vikings, right? But yeah, that was unfortunate because it was his own guy who knocked his hand and the ball loose. But, uh, yeah, but you just, that's why you can't think things for granted. Like just, uh, you know, mash it down their throats. San Francisco was ready to be had, I thought.

• 48:00Bill Simmons?

  Kittle and Jennings got hurt. Trent Williams was hurt, came back, seems like he's still hurt. Moody is 12 for 23 with field goals since week 10 last year.

• 48:09Speaker 04

  Wow.

• 48:10Bill Simmons?

  Steelers Jets, Steelers win, don't cover, which I think Kous and I predicted. It was Steelers two and a half, they somehow win, don't cover. The Steelers, the Cousins house special did cover.

• 48:19Speaker 04

  Beautiful.

• 48:20Bill Simmons?

  You did it again.

• 48:21Speaker 04

  Almost 7-1 Steelers to lose the first half and win the game. And they were down by what, like one point at half or something?

• 48:27Bill Simmons?

  Just think about this, if you just before the year bet $100,000 every week on this, and it hits five times.

• 48:35Speaker 04

  I know.

• 48:35Bill Simmons?

  It's like one of the great bets, and it hits five times every year.

• 48:38Speaker 04

  Yeah, it's free for two months right now, right? If I won, is that 7-1? Yeah, I had a little, not enough on it, but. He was very good. He was good. He was moving around Rogers, you know, I bet his completions and yards over today. So I, I didn't think he'd have the four touchdowns, but this, this could be a nice offense for him.

• 48:57Bill Simmons?

  I've spent the whole summer saying I thought he was washed. I thought he looked really good. Now, it might be one of those things where it's the old, older athlete who looks good in September. And as the year goes along, the weather gets colder. But he, it looked like a fit. He seemed very, uh, very engaged. He talked some shit after about the Jets. Four touchdowns. I thought he looked good and I thought Fields was, was about as good as he can play, right? He made plays. I thought some of his passes were pretty accurate. He ran the ball a little bit. Um, he wasn't, didn't seem like a liability. And the Jets ran all over Pittsburgh's defense and somehow lost. Like you'd think the Jets getting 32 points, that should be, that game should be over, right? I thought their defense could be better than that.

• 49:41Speaker 04

  And listen, they made a 60 yard field goal. Otherwise it's all, Rogers can't win a big game, you know, that would be the narrative. So that could go either way. But yeah, I mean, that was the best, both of those quarterbacks you could be expect to see them play. And what about that press, I don't understand that jackal comment in the press conference, like feels good to beat everyone in the Jets organization, like. You're counting your boy Nate Hackett or shoving Salo or going to Egypt? Like they did everything you wanted them to do. What do you want? What they gave him everything. So I'm not sure who in the organization he's talking about.

• 50:14Bill Simmons?

  I mean, Sal, we're not players. We can't possibly understand.

• 50:17Speaker 04

  That's true.

• 50:18Bill Simmons?

  Yeah. We're just non-players.

• 50:21Speaker 04

  You're gonna apologize for that.

• 50:23Bill Simmons?

  We're not smart enough to understand how he's thinking because we've never played.

• 50:26Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 50:28Bill Simmons?

  Bucks Falcons, we talked about that. Did want to mention Igbuka was as advertised. I think, did you get him in our fantasy league?

• 50:34Speaker 04

  That's my guy. That's my offensive book of the year.

• 50:37Bill Simmons?

  I tried to get him in everything. I bet on him. I only got him in one or two leagues. He makes the big play at the end, but he was hurt from all game and just looked great.

• 50:46Speaker 04

  He's so good in the fourth quarter, Baker. He really is. If you look at his numbers, it's mysterious how he saves it all up.

• 50:53Bill Simmons?

  He passes the final test where when you're going against him, you're nervous and like that. It's like, oh shit, I have the lead.

• 51:00Speaker 04

  Right.

• 51:00Bill Simmons?

  But I feel like Baker's gonna ram it right in my keister. And it's exactly what he did. The Rams Texans 14-9. I had the under in this game. It was the only under I bet. 11 Houston penalties, two turnovers and nothing from Nico Collins. Two for nine on first down and the rough offensive line. So all around not awesome. Bengals Browns? So we all had the Bengals as like, this is the offense you want with in fantasy. They had 11 first downs and 141 total yards and the Browns should have won the game. Like I know nobody watched this game except for the true diehards or if you saw a couple of plays on red zone. But this was done. The Browns kicker, Andre Shit? Is that how you pronounce it? Hold on. S-Z-M-Y-T.

• 51:45Bill Simmons?

  Andre Shit. I think is how it's pronounced. Andre Shit.

• 51:48Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 51:48Bill Simmons?

  Schmidt? Shishmit? Shishmit? Uh, missed a P A T and then a 36 yarder with 225 left. That was just a stomach punch.

• 51:58Speaker 04

  I hated it. I had the Browns all over the place. I mean, they covered fine, but I was like, God, this Zach Taylor thing, this is a real thing. He's one in 10 and it's for weeks one through three, the last, you know, three, four years, whatever it is. And, but I feel like the Browns, this is, we should be used to it. And I feel like they took them aside and they said, like, listen, kid, you come to this organization, you're gonna suck. It's as simple as that. There's gonna be guys like Myles Garrett and Joe Flacco gonna play their asses off, but for the most part, we're incorrigible losers. So the talks about the Haslins and the Sean, but we want to spread the wealth a little. It's your turn. So go miss an extra point, 12 yard fucking field goal. We'll take care of it. Yeah. Here's Schmidt to us.

• 52:37Bill Simmons?

  I love the Browns, did not want to put them in Ringer 107 because I just wasn't putting a terrible team in first week Ringer 107. In retrospect, I should have. Broncos Titans, we talked about. The only thing we didn't talk about, the Titans might be okay. I'm not ruling them out as like a nine and eight team. I know, I know the offense did nothing today. They had seven first downs, 133 yards. But I like their defense and I thought the quarterback made a couple really nice throws. He was under duress to say the least. And Denver's defense, especially at home, might just be awesome, especially in the altitude. So I, I'm not, I would just be careful going against them in parlays and teasers for the next couple of weeks. Don't you think?

• 53:16Speaker 04

  The Titans defense was good. There was a pass, pass, how are we saying that this year? Pass rush? It was a pass rush?

• 53:21Bill Simmons?

  We're saying pass rush. Yeah.

• 53:23Speaker 04

  As shaky as Nix was, sometimes he was just kind of under attack and it was weird. I like Cam Ward. I don't know what's going on with these receivers. They, they appeared to have never played with him before because, you know, he has a weird delivery, right? So it comes out kind of sidearm and it like takes everybody by surprise. There's a little mustard on it. So it's hot, but Ridley like dropped a bunch of pat, like, and then, you know, you don't know, you don't know if he's gambling. You don't know. But he points to himself. He's like, that was on me. So then, then you don't, you can't talk about the other stuff, but it really didn't seem like anybody's ever seen a pass from Cam Ward before. And even his father, that was a great moment. His father got up. Did you see when Ridley dropped the ball? His father like got up and like

• 54:06Speaker 04

  had to walk around. Oh, Jesus. Yeah. So he could be good. He could be good.

• 54:11Bill Simmons?

  I thought Ward looked all right. They had a, Power had a really bad fumble at one point, but that game was, was 2012, but that was either team could have won that game. And if I'm the Broncos, I thought there was also a very, very, very, very, very weird Sean Payton coaching moment. In the final three minutes.

• 54:29Speaker 04

  Fourth and eight.

• 54:30Bill Simmons?

  And thirty six, they go for it. They run like a fucking, it was like a Tecmo ball play where you just chuck it down and hope somebody catches it.

• 54:37Speaker 04

  Right.

• 54:37Bill Simmons?

  And all of a sudden, the Titans had the ball with like, I don't know, a minute and a half left. It was just very, very.

• 54:42Speaker 04

  That's a field goal attempt. Everyone attempts fifty three.

• 54:45Bill Simmons?

  Or just punt it out of bounds, put them inside the ten, like that, don't do what they did.

• 54:49Speaker 04

  Right.

• 54:51Bill Simmons?

  Washington beat the Giants and the only thing we didn't talk about with this is, it was an awful game. And I thought Washington looked bad.

• 54:59Bill Simmons?

  Russ was empty calories and it feels like Dart. Dayball wouldn't commit to him for next week. I think they might just go with Dart sooner than later. What does Dayball care? He's gonna get fired.

• 55:09Speaker 04

  Of course.

• 55:10Bill Simmons?

  He's not gonna throw Wilson out there for a month.

• 55:12Speaker 04

  I like that. He says, I want to make this clear. This loss is not on Russell Wilson. Okay, will you commit to him being the starter next week? Oh, no, no, not a chance. No, no way.

• 55:21Bill Simmons?

  What am I, an idiot?

• 55:22Speaker 04

  Come on, what's the matter with you?

• 55:23Bill Simmons?

  He seemed under pressure. He can't move.

• 55:24Speaker 04

  I want to make this clear. It's pretty clear. I'm looking at the box score. But now they, they had no pass rush or anything. Their defense sucked too, the Giants, so.

• 55:32Bill Simmons?

  Is it bad?

• 55:33Speaker 04

  Yep.

• 55:33Bill Simmons?

  Raiders, Pats.

• 55:36Bill Simmons?

  I don't feel great about the Pats. I don't want to talk about it. Cards, Saints. The Hornets almost tied this? This was twenty to six and then all of a sudden it was twenty thirteen, then all of a sudden Spentler Rattlers driving, then all of a sudden, somebody almost gets the, the, the TO diving up in the air with the two guys hating them on the goal line touchdown, but they dropped it and uh, this was not a good game for your Cards are gonna win the NFC West. Not that the Seahawks were much better, but.

• 56:05Speaker 04

  They're gonna beat the Panthers next week. They're gonna be two and oh, and we're

• 56:08Bill Simmons?

  They were so unimpressive.

• 56:09Speaker 04

  Plans to see them in the Super Bowl.

• 56:10Bill Simmons?

  Really unimpressive. The Saints are, you know, they're, they're, one of the things we learned today is I'm, I'm not sure there's a terrible team, at least not yet.

• 56:18Speaker 04

  Really? So if I told you someone's gonna win three games or fewer?

• 56:24Bill Simmons?

  Before the season, I would have said definitely.

• 56:28Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 56:29Bill Simmons?

  I don't know. I, Miami was the worst team today and I don't think they're gonna go three and fourteen. But, um, all these teams, like, like the Saints, the Saints can block.

• 56:40Speaker 04

  Right.

• 56:41Bill Simmons?

  They had a couple of playmaker plays. I don't know, they're not awful. The quarterback's awful. But they weren't terrible.

• 56:49Speaker 04

  We have to see. I mean, the Patriots, Patriots might, Patriots might get their act together. Maybe I've been too harsh.

• 56:57Bill Simmons?

  I didn't appreciate that.

• 56:59Speaker 04

  I'm laughing like my team's good. I don't understand. Why does Henderson get five carries? Like, John, they got 19. Like, put them in big boy pads.

• 57:07Bill Simmons?

  Last thing, the games today. Hunter on Jacksonville.

• 57:12Bill Simmons?

  39 snaps. What do you think the breakdown was for offense, defense?

• 57:16Speaker 04

  Oh, I didn't even see this one.

• 57:17Bill Simmons?

  45 snaps total.

• 57:20Speaker 04

  Wait, 45 total?

• 57:21Bill Simmons?

  45 total. 39 on one end, 6 on the other.

• 57:26Speaker 04

  Oh, defense.

• 57:28Bill Simmons?

  Played 39 on offense, 6 on defense.

• 57:31Speaker 04

  He did? Well, how did I miss that?

• 57:33Bill Simmons?

  Yeah, I missed it too. I saw it during the internet.

• 57:36Speaker 04

  Wow.

• 57:38Bill Simmons?

  So this big trade, they give up all the stuff and this is like, this guy's going to be a two-way revelation. And they're only playing him on one side. I know, granted, it's week one, but I just thought it was notable.

• 57:48Speaker 04

  Yeah, that's why people were saying for offensive Rookie of the Year. I was like, hey, he might just not get, the coordinator decides you're not in, then you, it's out of your hands.

• 57:55Bill Simmons?

  If you're playing him at receiver, guess what? He's not going to be better than Egbooka.

• 58:00Speaker 04

  Right, that's true too.

• 58:02Bill Simmons?

  The thing that would have made him special was trying to play both sides, anyway. All right, you ready? A little guess the lines action?

• 58:09Speaker 04

  I guess so. I'm glad we didn't talk about my team. It's good.

• 58:14Bill Simmons?

  We, I'm not talking, we can talk about your team when we do the matchup.

• 58:17Speaker 04

  Too many days, too many days gone. All right, let's do it.

• 58:20Bill Simmons?

  On Friday's Ringer Gambling Show.

• 58:21Speaker 04

  You're right, you're right, I'm fine.

• 58:23Bill Simmons?

  Week two. You beat me in guess the lines last week.

• 58:27Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 58:29Bill Simmons?

  Thursday night, Packers, Washington. This is a very good game.

• 58:35Bill Simmons?

  It's in Green Bay.

• 58:38Bill Simmons?

  Thought Washington, that was, it was a crappy game, but it was kind of a violent game.

• 58:43Bill Simmons?

  And I don't know what that's going to mean for four days later.

• 58:46Speaker 04

  They ran all over them. They, they, they did run all over the Giants. Let me make this clear, that that loss is not on Russell Wilson. Did I make that clear?

• 58:54Bill Simmons?

  Yeah, you did.

• 58:55Speaker 04

  Okay.

• 58:56Bill Simmons?

  I have the Packers favored by three points against Washington.

• 59:00Speaker 04

  Hmm, you got it. It's three and a half. I said four and a half.

• 59:07Bill Simmons?

  Where do you think that ends on Thursday night?

• 59:10Speaker 04

  I think four. Don't you? I don't know. I, uh, the betting public should like just continue to like Green Bay, right?

• 59:19Bill Simmons?

  This feels like a pretty juicy live bet opportunity where the Packers are up 10 of 14 all game and then Jaden Daniels looming.

• 59:27Speaker 04

  Right, right.

• 59:28Bill Simmons?

  Late with doing, when he starts running around and doing the things he does. This is a must watch game. Very excited for it.

• 59:35Speaker 04

  Yeah, it's a good one.

• 59:36Bill Simmons?

  Sunday's marquee game is the Chiefs against the Eagles. It's in Kansas City. And, uh, you know, last year we had the Tic Tac Zone.

• 59:46Speaker 04

  Right.

• 59:47Bill Simmons?

  This year, you talked about how there was this run of minus two and a halves and you're like, we need a name for that. And I didn't think of the name until like three hours after the podcast. And I was so mad that I didn't think of it in the moment. I feel like 10 years ago, I would have had it right away. It's got to be something with Charlie Sheen, right?

• 1:00:02Speaker 04

  Yeah, the Sheen Zone.

• 1:00:04Bill Simmons?

  Yeah, the, what was his character on Two and a Half Men?

• 1:00:07Speaker 04

  I don't know. What is that? A trick question? You're gonna make fun of me if I know it?

• 1:00:11Bill Simmons?

  Yeah.

• 1:00:12Speaker 04

  Well, it's, I, we actually did.

• 1:00:13Bill Simmons?

  It'd be funny if you're like, his name was Bob, the other guy's name was John. Ah, sissy. Uh, his name was Charlie.

• 1:00:21Speaker 04

  Oh, it was Charlie. Yeah, yeah.

• 1:00:22Bill Simmons?

  Charlie and Alan and then, uh, oh, Angus T. Jones. Angus T. Jones is Jake Harper was the half man. Um, so maybe we, it's the Angus T's Jones Zone or do we go Char, the Charlie Zone?

• 1:00:38Speaker 04

  Well, Charlie Zone, the Sheen Zone is good. I mean, he's about to be, he's about to be big again, right? He has a documentary coming out. The Crier Zone, someone recommended. John Crier. I'll do whichever.

• 1:00:49Bill Simmons?

  Oh, other people had the Two and a Half Men thing?

• 1:00:50Speaker 04

  Yeah, yeah, somebody, yeah, somebody else.

• 1:00:52Bill Simmons?

  I guess it's not hard to come up with.

• 1:00:54Speaker 04

  What do you want to do? Charlie Zone or Sheen Zone?

• 1:00:58Bill Simmons?

  It would be fun to give Angus T. Jones some love, but I do like the, the Sheen Zone. Tic Tac Zone and the Sheen Zone. Um, I, I turned down Charlie Sheen coming on the pod.

• 1:01:11Speaker 04

  You did?

• 1:01:12Bill Simmons?

  Yeah.

• 1:01:13Speaker 04

  What could happen? Oh, he should go to your house. Yeah, he should definitely go to your house.

• 1:01:17Bill Simmons?

  Doesn't seem like a great guy.

• 1:01:21Speaker 04

  I had one slip up. Come on.

• 1:01:23Bill Simmons?

  Lasted, lasted like 11 years.

• 1:01:25Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 1:01:29Bill Simmons?

  Sunday Marquee Chiefs Eagles. I put in this in the Tic Tac Zone. That's the only reason I brought it up. I have Chiefs minus one and a half.

• 1:01:36Speaker 04

  Oh, the Tic Tac. Okay.

• 1:01:37Bill Simmons?

  We all get it. Tic Tac over Sheen.

• 1:01:39Speaker 04

  We went Tic Tac. We all get it. It is one and a half. Yep. We both get it. Yep. Oh, wait, you who do you have favorite?

• 1:01:45Bill Simmons?

  Chiefs.

• 1:01:46Speaker 04

  Oh, no, you don't get it. Philly's favorite.

• 1:01:50Bill Simmons?

  Philly's favorite in Kansas City?

• 1:01:51Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 1:01:53Bill Simmons?

  What?

• 1:01:54Speaker 04

  Yes, sir. Let me check. Let me double check. Philly's favorite in Kansas City. Yeah, people have had enough of Kansas City shit.

• 1:02:00Bill Simmons?

  Wow.

• 1:02:04Bill Simmons?

  So this is really it. The Chiefs have lost home, home favorite pencil man. Mahomes has lost his place on top of a on top of the hierarchy because it feels like Allen and Lamar are both like kind of supplanted it. And he can point to the three rings, but they were two plus years ago now.

• 1:02:21Speaker 04

  Has this happened before? Well, someone's going to correct us in a minute. You know, aside from like a week 18 game where they're home and not playing guys, have they been another dog in years?

• 1:02:31Bill Simmons?

  I'm really surprised by this. I thought for sure. Now, is Worthy out? Is Worthy playing? What's the deal?

• 1:02:37Speaker 04

  I don't know. He has like a dislocated show. I feel like he could do the, you know, the Mel Gibson thing, Lethal Weapon. Where he just slams it into the, no, not that thing. Yeah, when he does a show.

• 1:02:48Bill Simmons?

  The come leaving moon shadows?

• 1:02:50Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 1:02:51Bill Simmons?

  Watchables. I only have two. Lions, Bears and Detroit.

• 1:02:55Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 1:02:55Bill Simmons?

  Now, we have no idea with this Bears team, like what's going to happen tomorrow night, but

• 1:03:01Bill Simmons?

  I have the Lions by two and a half in the bench answer or bench game. What do you got?

• 1:03:05Speaker 04

  I got it. I said five. It's four and a half.

• 1:03:08Bill Simmons?

  Now, that's too high.

• 1:03:09Speaker 04

  Well, this is a short week and they're not going to, that shouldn't be 0-2, should they? A short week going to Detroit?

• 1:03:16Bill Simmons?

  That's too high.

• 1:03:17Speaker 04

  Dominate it up?

• 1:03:18Bill Simmons?

  That's going down.

• 1:03:19Speaker 04

  I like it.

• 1:03:20Bill Simmons?

  Bills, Jets. Good, good Lord, I have no idea what to do with this one. In the old days, this would have been market down. It's in Buffalo. Minus eight, but is it Jets or Buffalo? Did I screw that up?

• 1:03:34Speaker 04

  Yeah. I mean, Jersey technically, but it's all right.

• 1:03:39Bill Simmons?

  It's in New York. That doesn't really change my pick that much. I'm going Bills by five.

• 1:03:46Speaker 04

  I went seven and a half. It's six and a half. So I get that one. It's kind of a must win, right? Teaser game.

• 1:03:54Bill Simmons?

  Must win for who?

• 1:03:56Speaker 04

  The, the team that's going to be good eventually, the Bills.

• 1:04:00Bill Simmons?

  Well, they're one and O. Why is it a must win?

• 1:04:02Speaker 04

  Oh, I'm sorry. Jesus Christ. I'm thinking in my head that they lost the game. Oh, man. Are you sure?

• 1:04:08Bill Simmons?

  Right. And I just looked, they, they actually did. It still was a win.

• 1:04:15Speaker 04

  That's ridiculous. They won that game. All right.

• 1:04:18Bill Simmons?

  This could be a big Justin Fields game.

• 1:04:21Speaker 04

  That'd be funny. Yeah.

• 1:04:23Bill Simmons?

  Fairly watchable. So I got six. We'll start with Bengals home for the Jaguars. I'm still, I know the Jaguars won convincingly today, but uh, I don't know. I, it wasn't like they were unbelievable. They did a couple of good things. Carolina was really bad. And I, I don't know if we know what we have with the Jaguars yet. I have the Bengals favored by three.

• 1:04:45Speaker 04

  All right. You got that. I said four and a half. It's three and a half. I mean, I just, it looks like Fandel skittish. Well, they should be about the Bengals laying a big number.

• 1:04:56Bill Simmons?

  They should have lost today. It was the rare, they, it was the same game as last year when they played the Pats, except this time they actually won it, but it was just as bad.

• 1:05:04Speaker 04

  They had seven yards in the second half.

• 1:05:06Bill Simmons?

  Yeah, seven yards. They're awful.

• 1:05:08Speaker 04

  Gross.

• 1:05:10Bill Simmons?

  Cowboys home for the Giants.

• 1:05:12Speaker 04

  Speaking of gross, yeah.

• 1:05:17Bill Simmons?

  As a non-player, did you blame C D Lamb for the, for the loss?

• 1:05:21Speaker 04

  Let me make something clear. C D Lamb is not to be blamed for this loss.

• 1:05:26Bill Simmons?

  Okay.

• 1:05:27Speaker 04

  On the other hand, if he caught every ball that touched his hands, he would add 265 yards, but I want to make it clear.

• 1:05:33Bill Simmons?

  So you're saying that as a non-player?

• 1:05:34Speaker 04

  Yes, as a non-player. Yeah. You think we could sign one day contracts so that we could, you know?

• 1:05:40Bill Simmons?

  Say, well, I played, had a cup of coffee with the Rams.

• 1:05:43Speaker 04

  That's our value. Yeah.

• 1:05:44Bill Simmons?

  Yeah.

• 1:05:47Speaker 04

  I wonder if the team would, would the Patriots sign you to a one day contract and you could just say you're a player. It's like an honorary doctorate.

• 1:05:53Bill Simmons?

  Probably not after my thoughts on the dynasty.

• 1:05:57Bill Simmons?

  I had the Cowboys over the Giants. I have a minus three and a half and I think I hit it exactly.

• 1:06:03Speaker 04

  It's four and a half. I said seven and this is, this is super depressing. I mean, the fact that this is not a Thursday night game. It's not a Thanksgiving game. It's just a 1pm kickoff and we're not in the Giants were as miserable as they are and were, and it's only four and a half. Good God.

• 1:06:22Bill Simmons?

  Can you walk me through your feelings as you watch the Carl Pickens mixtape of Carl, George Pickens? Who is Carl Pickens?

• 1:06:31Bill Simmons?

  My first, my first screw up?

• 1:06:32Speaker 04

  It's a Tennessee receiver back.

• 1:06:34Bill Simmons?

  Yeah, I did the Carl Pickens from 30 years ago.

• 1:06:37Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 1:06:37Bill Simmons?

  Can you walk me through the George Pickens not finishing blocks or finishing routes mixtape that went around Friday?

• 1:06:43Speaker 04

  I, uh, I'm not gonna walk you through that. What, what, no, not your monkey. I hated it. I did, you know, I wasn't, I shouldn't have been mad, but I, you know, they, they really didn't screw up much other than the fumble. That's what gets me mad. Like Sanders had a 50 yard run, but he also fumbled. They didn't do stupid things, you know? Coaching wasn't terrible. I don't know. I, I think like as long as every team's best defensive player spits on Dak, like one or two players plays in, I think we got a shot.

• 1:07:11Bill Simmons?

  Giants didn't have their left tackle today. I guess they're saving him for the Thursday game because they probably thought they had a better chance to win the Thursday game.

• 1:07:18Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 1:07:18Bill Simmons?

  And with the left tackle, I don't know, kind of like the Giants. Rams, Titans in Tennessee.

• 1:07:26Speaker 04

  Let's see.

• 1:07:27Bill Simmons?

  Rams outdoor. I feel like we've bet on this game and lost on the Rams 12 times since 1998. Uh, I have the Rams favored by two and a half. I put it right in the Sheen zone.

• 1:07:38Speaker 04

  It's actually, I should have put in the Vegas zone. I said four, it's four and a half.

• 1:07:43Bill Simmons?

  Now that's too high.

• 1:07:46Bill Simmons?

  It's too high.

• 1:07:47Speaker 04

  I think it's high too, but.

• 1:07:48Bill Simmons?

  Tennessee's a whiff frisky. I'd be, be careful of them.

• 1:07:52Speaker 04

  They play so many games just in history, right? Where they're in it for 58 minutes and then why? Oh, they lost by 11? How'd that happen?

• 1:08:00Bill Simmons?

  This is the Castaway Bowl.

• 1:08:02Speaker 04

  What do you mean? Who is it? Oh, right. Right, right. Yeah.

• 1:08:06Bill Simmons?

  Chuck Nolan goes to Helen Hunt's house.

• 1:08:08Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 1:08:09Bill Simmons?

  And they're making small talk and he's like, let me get one thing straight.

• 1:08:13Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 1:08:13Bill Simmons?

  Tennessee has a football team and she's like, we were so close. We were one yard away.

• 1:08:19Speaker 04

  Do you be honest with me right now? You wept when they were making out in the driveway in the torrential downpour?

• 1:08:25Bill Simmons?

  No, I'm, I'm on record. I just think about the husband that whole time.

• 1:08:29Speaker 04

  Yeah, right.

• 1:08:30Bill Simmons?

  He just silently sobbing upstairs in fourth grade as the love of his life.

• 1:08:35Speaker 04

  Kept all your clippings. Let's go through these for four hours.

• 1:08:39Bill Simmons?

  Yeah, there's an intervention with the clippings in the dining room.

• 1:08:42Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 1:08:42Bill Simmons?

  It's like, all right, the guy survived. Put the fucking things in the attic. What are we doing?

• 1:08:48Bill Simmons?

  Steelers Seahawks. Wow.

• 1:08:54Bill Simmons?

  In Pittsburgh.

• 1:08:55Speaker 04

  Mm hmm.

• 1:08:56Bill Simmons?

  This could be yet another Cousins House special and yet another Steelers win, but don't cover the minus three. I have Steelers minus three.

• 1:09:06Speaker 04

  I hit it exactly. It's two and a half.

• 1:09:08Bill Simmons?

  Oh, you sheen'd me.

• 1:09:10Speaker 04

  Let me see what's going on here. Five to three. You gotta catch up a little.

• 1:09:14Bill Simmons?

  Jesus Christ. I don't, I don't know how you got good at guest alliance.

• 1:09:18Speaker 04

  I know.

• 1:09:18Bill Simmons?

  Rampant cheating.

• 1:09:21Bill Simmons?

  Ravens home for the Browns.

• 1:09:26Bill Simmons?

  And this number has to start with a nine. And I don't know whether it's gonna be a nine or nine and a half, but it's early in the season. So I'm just gonna say nine.

• 1:09:34Speaker 04

  Ah, I said nine and a half. Swear to God, it's 11 and a half. This is everybody's eliminator. Well, they.

• 1:09:43Bill Simmons?

  Come on.

• 1:09:44Speaker 04

  Won or lost today, the Ravens? Will you fact check that for me?

• 1:09:48Bill Simmons?

  They lost.

• 1:09:49Speaker 04

  What?

• 1:09:50Bill Simmons?

  Their own one.

• 1:09:51Speaker 04

  They're winning 40, 25 with five minutes left.

• 1:09:53Bill Simmons?

  25 and they lost somehow.

• 1:09:55Speaker 04

  Come on. Didn't lose that game.

• 1:09:57Bill Simmons?

  11 and a half. That's too high.

• 1:10:01Bill Simmons?

  Think that that's too high, am I nuts?

• 1:10:02Speaker 04

  Yeah, I guess so.

• 1:10:03Bill Simmons?

  Division game?

• 1:10:04Speaker 04

  Flacco against his old team.

• 1:10:06Bill Simmons?

  We'll be putting the Ravens in a, in a three team tease with two.

• 1:10:10Speaker 04

  No doubt about it. They're gonna, let me tell you this, they're gonna have more than seven yards in the second half, the Ravens.

• 1:10:17Bill Simmons?

  Broncos Colts, it's Indianapolis.

• 1:10:21Bill Simmons?

  Has all the makings of, the Colts are 2-0, nobody saw this coming.

• 1:10:25Speaker 04

  It's gotta be one of those teams too, those teams, yeah.

• 1:10:27Bill Simmons?

  I'll tell you this, it's gonna be a little bit of a different situation for them with the defense they're going against in this game versus the defense they went against.

• 1:10:35Speaker 04

  I agree.

• 1:10:35Bill Simmons?

  Today. I think the Broncos will be favored, I have Broncos by one and a half.

• 1:10:39Speaker 04

  That's what I had. We should have gone Sheen Zone, two and a half.

• 1:10:43Bill Simmons?

  Sheen'd it, fine.

• 1:10:45Speaker 04

  Sheen it up.

• 1:10:45Bill Simmons?

  Running out of space. We got the poop facto with three games.

• 1:10:50Bill Simmons?

  Dolphins, Pats, had to put in the poop facto.

• 1:10:52Speaker 04

  Really?

• 1:10:53Bill Simmons?

  Both of them stunk today, yeah.

• 1:10:56Speaker 04

  Wow.

• 1:10:59Bill Simmons?

  The Drake May thing bummed me out. It's a tough one because we had Jason Tatum, Drake May and Roman Anthony were the, the trifecta for us. And Tatum got hurt, Roman Anthony was Ted Williams for two months. I'm watching, I watched more Red Sox this year than I have since the 2018 season. And then he hurts his oblique. And it's like timed perfectly that he's probably not even going to be able to be back unless they make like the second round of the playoffs.

• 1:11:26Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 1:11:26Bill Simmons?

  So that sucked. And then Drake May, who we had all these hopes for.

• 1:11:30Speaker 04

  Wait, is he done Drake May, Drake May is done?

• 1:11:32Bill Simmons?

  His stats were okay today, but I did not think he was that good today.

• 1:11:35Speaker 04

  Yeah, he wasn't that good.

• 1:11:36Bill Simmons?

  I thought he was sailing balls. He, he seemed skittish in the drives in the first drive, the first half, first drive of the second half. It just wasn't a great Drake May game. He wasn't running the ball. He just didn't seem like young Josh Allen. I didn't like it.

• 1:11:49Speaker 04

  Wow.

• 1:11:50Bill Simmons?

  I want, I need more from my guy.

• 1:11:51Speaker 04

  I don't think he was ever young Josh Allen. This is what happens. The expectations are so high.

• 1:11:56Bill Simmons?

  Wouldn't be young Josh Allen.

• 1:11:57Speaker 04

  All right. Well, Josh Allen was losing 40-25 with five minutes left. So I think you could do that.

• 1:12:03Bill Simmons?

  He's gonna be married to an Academy Award nominee. Speaking of nominees, our guy, our cuz.

• 1:12:09Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 1:12:10Bill Simmons?

  Game show Emmy. Second one, Ben Stein's money and then this one.

• 1:12:14Speaker 04

  Right. First one he tried to give to Susan Lucci years ago because she had that long run of not winning. So yeah, good job by you, Jimmy.

• 1:12:22Bill Simmons?

  Did he cry during the speech or no?

• 1:12:24Speaker 04

  No, I don't think, I don't think so.

• 1:12:26Bill Simmons?

  Has Regis Philbin alive still or no? He's dead, right?

• 1:12:28Speaker 04

  Regis and Alex Trebek took him out to dinner afterwards. Yeah.

• 1:12:33Bill Simmons?

  I have the Dolphins favored by three over the Patriots.

• 1:12:37Speaker 04

  Yeah, you're losing this week. I said one, it's one and a half.

• 1:12:42Bill Simmons?

  Really?

• 1:12:42Speaker 04

  Well, come on.

• 1:12:43Bill Simmons?

  Anybody see my team today?

• 1:12:45Speaker 04

  Oh.

• 1:12:46Bill Simmons?

  Put up 13 points against the fucking Raiders. They have two guys on defense.

• 1:12:50Speaker 04

  The Dolphins were way worse than anybody.

• 1:12:54Speaker 04

  Tyreek still crashing out. Five hours after the game.

• 1:12:57Bill Simmons?

  Dolphins can't win this game. They're gonna go two and 15.

• 1:13:01Speaker 04

  This is a, is this, do we cross off? First of all, do we have any cross offs and is this a cross off?

• 1:13:06Bill Simmons?

  We don't, we don't yet because you can't cross off the Saints. You can't cross off the Browns.

• 1:13:12Speaker 04

  Okay.

• 1:13:13Bill Simmons?

  Cause they, cause nine and eight might actually make the seventh seed in the AFC. I don't think we have any cross off.

• 1:13:18Speaker 04

  All right.

• 1:13:19Bill Simmons?

  Cardinals, Panthers, it's in Arizona.

• 1:13:23Bill Simmons?

  And this is another one where the Cardinals are gonna get a nice, big, fat favorite line that they probably don't deserve. But I have Cardinals by seven.

• 1:13:31Speaker 04

  Yeah, I didn't think with that, that high. I'm glad they're being regarded like that. It's six and a half. I said four.

• 1:13:37Bill Simmons?

  Oh, so I get that one.

• 1:13:38Speaker 04

  You got it.

• 1:13:40Bill Simmons?

  The Panthers look bad. They give up over 200 yards rushing. So they learned nothing from last year when I think teams ran for what 3,000 yards on them?

• 1:13:47Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 1:13:48Bill Simmons?

  And then Bryce Young was terrible. The only thing is McMillan looked okay as, as like a big, like you could see the potential with it.

• 1:13:55Speaker 04

  Right.

• 1:13:55Bill Simmons?

  Other than that, not a lot going on.

• 1:13:56Speaker 04

  Yeah, Travis at the end was all of a sudden Walter Payton. Like that was, I don't know what they did there.

• 1:14:01Bill Simmons?

  Sunday night Vikings Falcons, it's in Minnesota. It's the.

• 1:14:06Speaker 04

  Did you forget one or we, do we do San Francisco, New Orleans?

• 1:14:10Bill Simmons?

  No, I did forget one. You're correct. Puppec the last one, Niner Saints.

• 1:14:15Speaker 04

  Yep.

• 1:14:16Bill Simmons?

  In New Orleans.

• 1:14:22Bill Simmons?

  I put it in the Vegas zone. I don't feel great about it. Five and a half. Niners, five and a half.

• 1:14:26Speaker 04

  I said six and a half. It's seven. Some of these garbage teams, you gotta give, you gotta give a big number here. Oh, I see too many teasers. I gotta stop looking at this. I see too many teasers I like.

• 1:14:39Bill Simmons?

  Sunday night, Minnesota home for the Falcons. I put this, I sheen this one. Vikings minus two and a half.

• 1:14:45Speaker 04

  Yeah, I did too. They made it four and a half.

• 1:14:48Bill Simmons?

  No, come on.

• 1:14:49Speaker 04

  Can we see this kid take a snap first before we make anything four and a half? I know the Atlanta's not great, but come on.

• 1:14:57Bill Simmons?

  Monday night, two games. Two Monday Niners this week.

• 1:15:00Speaker 04

  I thought they were gonna be done with this. Is it next year that they're done with this?

• 1:15:04Bill Simmons?

  I like it.

• 1:15:05Speaker 04

  You do?

• 1:15:07Bill Simmons?

  I'll say another thing. I could have used the Europe game today at six in the morning waking up. Could have started the year.

• 1:15:12Speaker 04

  Morning. Oh, interesting.

• 1:15:14Bill Simmons?

  Could have started the year with Jacksonville, Carolina and like fucking Zimbabwe.

• 1:15:18Speaker 04

  Wow. Well, we have, we have nine Sunday morning games this week. So they, they could, they could mix it up. Like, yeah. They could send the Patriots Miami to Zimbabwe. That'd be nice.

• 1:15:28Bill Simmons?

  Monday night, Houston home for the Bucks.

• 1:15:33Bill Simmons?

  I tic-tacked it. Houston minus one and a half.

• 1:15:37Speaker 04

  You should have sheen'd it. It's two and a half. We have our own dumb language, but you get it. You, you get it. Cause I had one.

• 1:15:43Bill Simmons?

  Okay.

• 1:15:43Speaker 04

  Let's see if you could do anything. Seven to, nah, it's over. Oh, it's over. 10-7 me.

• 1:15:49Bill Simmons?

  Jesus. What were Baker's MVP odds?

• 1:15:54Speaker 04

  Um.

• 1:15:55Bill Simmons?

  I'm gonna look this up right now.

• 1:15:57Speaker 04

  They were similar to, um.

• 1:16:00Bill Simmons?

  Thirty-three to one.

• 1:16:02Speaker 04

  We liked Love and they were similar, right?

• 1:16:04Bill Simmons?

  Thirty-three to one's too high for him. Cause that's a team.

• 1:16:09Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 1:16:10Bill Simmons?

  In the NFC South, they could just go six and oh. He could end up like 13 and four somehow.

• 1:16:15Speaker 04

  Yeah, you gotta do that.

• 1:16:16Bill Simmons?

  And be in the mix. Thirty-three to one's too high.

• 1:16:19Speaker 04

  What, but you have Jordan Love, don't you? At thirty or twenty? What do you have?

• 1:16:22Bill Simmons?

  Twenty-five to one.

• 1:16:23Speaker 04

  He's 12 now. Already cut in half.

• 1:16:27Bill Simmons?

  Josh Allen's gonna win the MVP. He's the best player in the league.

• 1:16:31Bill Simmons?

  And if he's not the best player in the league, Lamar Jackson is the best player in the league. Those two guys are the best two guys in the league. Whether you'd want Mahomes in a playoff game with the life depending on it, fine.

• 1:16:41Speaker 04

  Right.

• 1:16:41Bill Simmons?

  But day to day, week to week for four months, those are the two best guys.

• 1:16:45Speaker 04

  It's really hard to argue if Joe Burrow is not going to show up and put up fewer than 10 yards.

• 1:16:50Bill Simmons?

  Did he play today?

• 1:16:51Speaker 04

  Not the second half, no.

• 1:16:52Bill Simmons?

  Last one, Chargers Raiders, it's in Vegas. And I predicted the overreaction Chargers favored by one and a half in Vegas line.

• 1:17:04Speaker 04

  No, I got this exact, it's three, Chargers by three.

• 1:17:07Bill Simmons?

  You got it, you're obviously cheating this year.

• 1:17:09Speaker 04

  Yeah, I'm cheating.

• 1:17:10Bill Simmons?

  You weren't this good for 20 years, now your lights out.

• 1:17:13Speaker 04

  Well, I'm John Elway, who's done that, I don't know, somebody good. Let's go to this game, let's do guess the lines from Vegas, see the Chargers and Raiders.

• 1:17:23Bill Simmons?

  That sounds terrible.

• 1:17:24Speaker 04

  Oh, that's Monday night, anyway, yeah.

• 1:17:26Bill Simmons?

  This episode is brought to you by WeatherTech. Whether it's a pumpkin spice coffee that goes splat in your seat, or a weekend tailgate that leaves your trunk full of gear and who knows what. You're going to want WeatherTech in your vehicle, whether you call it fall, autumn, or spooky season. Whether the mess is your fault, the kids, the dogs, or the weather's fault, you're going to want WeatherTech. For American-made floor liners and a cargo liner that laugh in the face of fall weather, visit weatherTech.com today. Hey, I was lucky enough to get a son and a daughter through their early teens and their mid-teens in the social media era. And even though we were constantly monitoring it, there's still a whole bunch of stuff that can go wrong. And that's why Instagram teen accounts have automatic protections on by default. Built-in content settings for the content teens can see.

• 1:18:10Bill Simmons?

  Contact limits for who can contact them and time management tools like daily time limits. And sleep mode, teens are automatically placed in the teen accounts. Teens under 16 will need a parent's permission to change any of these settings to be less strict. Instagram will continue adding built-in safety features to help create age-appropriate experiences. Learn more about teen accounts and Instagram's ongoing work to protect teens online at instagram.com/teenaccounts.

• 1:18:38Bill Simmons?

  Today's parent corner is presented by Uber Eats. Let's be real, it wouldn't be game day without a spread of your favorite foods. Pizza, burgers, burritos, you name it. Uber Eats is here to deliver it to you all season long. What do you have for parent corner this week?

• 1:18:54Speaker 04

  I have a good one, but I feel like I'm in the, I'm in the Ben zone. I know there's the Sheen zone and the Tic Tac zone, but I'm in the, where my high school kid, I can't risk him here and he'll just fucking flip out on me, so.

• 1:19:07Bill Simmons?

  Damn it, I have three of those a week.

• 1:19:09Speaker 04

  I know, I know, I'll tell you separately, but I do have one that I held on to from spring break. Actually, this is.

• 1:19:16Bill Simmons?

  I should have did this as the intro, presented by Uber Eats, where we give our fifth best story about our kids. Because we can't say the first four.

• 1:19:23Speaker 04

  I probably have four Uber related parent corners that are not flattering for the sponsors. So I would stick away from that, but I'll tell you this one, this happened a few months ago. So we were coming back from Cabo, it was February, it was a couple of weeks after the Super Bowl. And I'm sitting in the airport in Mexico with the family and the family's to the right of me and I'm in a seat. And I'm looking down on my phone and I hear someone being ushered over in my area by like private security. And she sounds important and she smells good and she sits right next to me. And so I can't look up now, right? And also I'm jaded anyway, so I don't want to, I'd rather keep looking at my.

• 1:20:01Bill Simmons?

  Work for a late night talk show.

• 1:20:03Speaker 04

  Yeah, yeah. And also I'm looking at my phone, tallying my losses for whatever shitty golf matchups I had. It was Sunday afternoon, so I had to do that. So finally, after 10 minutes, I get up to use the bathroom or El Bano, as it's called in Mexico. And I leave my charger in the seat, right in the waiting area, right where I was. And then, uh, cause I'm coming right back, whatever, I'm just gonna, I don't want to give up the seat. And I come back and the whole family is looking at me and laughing because moments before the important woman approached my wife and handed her my charger and referring to me said, I think your father forgot his charger.

• 1:20:42Speaker 04

  She thought I was Melissa's father. This woman, Jessica Alba. She thought I was 75 years old. The kids are dying laughing. The kids called me grandpa for like a couple of months and I didn't acknowledge it. So it went away. That's what you should do, by the way, if you just don't acknowledge anything.

• 1:20:59Bill Simmons?

  Right.

• 1:21:00Speaker 04

  And maybe it'll go away. So thanks for nothing, Jessica Alba. You're not my dark angel, but there you go. Your father left his charger here.

• 1:21:09Bill Simmons?

  Oh, my God.

• 1:21:11Speaker 04

  Alba.

• 1:21:12Bill Simmons?

  That's unbelievable.

• 1:21:13Speaker 04

  That's a killer. That's a fricking killer. I gotta get plastic surgery or something. Have to do something. I mean, they're laughing at me. I'm like, why are you laughing? She, she thinks that you married your, your father, basically. That's not a, it's not a compliment to you.

• 1:21:28Bill Simmons?

  I've noticed that when I'm with my daughter, because my daughter's pretty and she could pass for, she, you could think she's 20, but you also might think she's 25.

• 1:21:36Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 1:21:36Bill Simmons?

  And I could see people when they see us together now for like power walking or we're at dinner.

• 1:21:40Speaker 04

  Out here, sure. Yeah.

• 1:21:42Bill Simmons?

  Like 60% of the people think I'm the dad and then 40% think I'm some creep.

• 1:21:48Speaker 04

  That's not a good ratio.

• 1:21:49Bill Simmons?

  21 year old trophy girlfriend. You could just see like certain people just kind of like, what the fuck, dude?

• 1:21:54Speaker 04

  Right.

• 1:21:54Bill Simmons?

  That girl's 21. How are you dating her? It's like, no, no, we're related.

• 1:21:58Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 1:22:00Bill Simmons?

  She's actually the subject of my parent corner this week. So, so she's around the same size as my daughter height wise. She's like, my wife, she's like two inches taller than my wife. So they can wear a lot of the same clothes. And my son's maybe an inch and a half shorter than I am, but can wear all my T-shirts. And they've been stealing clothes from us for, I don't know, ever, ever since they hit a certain height. And it's gotten to the point, it's beyond the, it's, it's like 50 to 60% of the fights in our house is somebody stole a favorite T-shirt. My, my daughter stole this sweater from my wife. My wife is helping her move in in Boston and found like nine things of hers that she's been looking for for like a year. And it's all we fight about.

• 1:22:45Bill Simmons?

  And my daughter does this really interesting like Jedi mind trick with this where she steals the thing. And then if she has it long enough, it, it became hers.

• 1:22:54Speaker 04

  Right.

• 1:22:55Bill Simmons?

  It's like, it's like.

• 1:22:56Speaker 04

  Squatting.

• 1:22:57Bill Simmons?

  Yeah. Yeah. It's, it's like, she's been here a year, so it's now her property. So when, when I was there and we were moving her in for soccer in mid-August. She was out, she's like, oh, it's gonna be, it's gonna be cold tonight. I'm gonna wear my, my Jimmy Kimmel sweatshirt. I'm like, what Jimmy Kimmel sweatshirt? Somehow she had the sweatshirt that Jimmy gave all of us that first year for Christmas.

• 1:23:20Speaker 04

  Right.

• 1:23:21Bill Simmons?

  It had the logo in the back. It was blue. It looks like it's like from a million years ago and I always loved it. And I just thought it was gone. I left it somewhere and it turns out she's had it for three years. And I got mad about the sweatshirt and she's like, but it's my sweatshirt.

• 1:23:37Speaker 04

  Right.

• 1:23:37Bill Simmons?

  And I was like, it's definitely not your sweatshirt. It was first year of the show. That's my sweatshirt. You took it. And she's like, I know, but I'm your daughter.

• 1:23:47Bill Simmons?

  So now it's mine. Like, why can't I have it? And I just think like, when does this end for us? When our kids, because we, you know, we're the parents, we're supposed to give them stuff and we're supposed to put them above ourselves, which is what you do when you're a parent.

• 1:24:01Speaker 04

  Right.

• 1:24:01Bill Simmons?

  But does it extend to clothes? Because I have no white t-shirts left. Like, I have to just go out because Ben's taken every white t-shirt I've ever had and just takes it. So if I want to have like, oh, I'll wear this blue shirt. I'm going to work lunch. I'll put a white t-shirt under. And I have zero white t-shirts left, even though I used to have 17. What are, what are, what are our rights here as parents? Because I don't really know.

• 1:24:25Speaker 04

  I think our rights, by the way, that sweatshirt, now that he's an Emmy winner, is worth something, but it's, I feel bad for you because it's, it's, the argument is stupid because she probably is like, you didn't miss it. You never asked for it in the last three years. And you're like, yeah, because I didn't know it was gone, you know, whatever.

• 1:24:39Bill Simmons?

  Right. But I thought it was in there.

• 1:24:41Speaker 04

  I think this is why guys our age dress like idiots, because we have to buy clothes that we know our kids won't steal. So we have the cargo shorts with 40 pockets on each side. And then we end up looking like buffoons going out to pick them up and it is their fault. I don't know what we can do. I really don't, aside from that.

• 1:24:59Bill Simmons?

  I have this one light blue t-shirt that I love and Ben just keeps taking it from me and we fight about it like once a month and he's like, it looks good when I wear it though and just. I don't know. They just don't care. They just see us as ATM machines and things that they can just steal stuff from with no repercussions because there's going to be a moment much later in life when they're the last people that we can count on to take care of us.

• 1:25:21Speaker 04

  Right. Well, I'm already a grandfather, a parent, according to the just the Alba. Yeah. So.

• 1:25:26Bill Simmons?

  I forgot about that. Your grandpa Sal, your uncle Sal to the bundo because you and I have our two uncles on Wednesday, Rigger Gable.

• 1:25:35Speaker 04

  He loves it. It's ridiculous.

• 1:25:38Bill Simmons?

  All right. I think that's it. Unless you have anything else.

• 1:25:41Speaker 04

  That's it. That's all I have. Uber Eats. I think they do well.

• 1:25:44Bill Simmons?

  Win or lose money on you. Oh, I gotta do the today's parent corner presented by Uber Eats. Get almost anything for game day, like your favorite game day foods, drinks and snacks on Uber Eats, the official on-demand delivery partner of the NFL order. Now, I actually used the tech. Got some sandwiches from Giada. They have Giada in here?

• 1:26:00Speaker 04

  Uh, no, no, no. They do have Ralph's and I got a bunch of Coke zeros and watermelon.

• 1:26:05Bill Simmons?

  Right.

• 1:26:07Speaker 04

  How about we talk about the, about the draft? Did you want to talk about that?

• 1:26:10Bill Simmons?

  Yeah, let's do that before we go. So, uh, so we have our vote out draft on Tuesday and our friend Brad, who we've talked about a million times on this pod, who every year that he's alive is a miracle for all of us. Um, it's, it's just, it's year by year. And he's like LeBron. It's year by year. Could retire in a year. He might come back and be an all-pro game. We don't know.

• 1:26:33Speaker 04

  Right.

• 1:26:33Bill Simmons?

  He's been voted out three times before Tuesday's draft and our friend Tony voted him out. And I thought Brad was going to toss an entire thing of ribs on me, which you somehow got a picture of the one moment when I was like, oh my God, those ribs are going to go on my lap. He didn't do that, but he's very mad. And where do we stand now with Brad and Tony?

• 1:26:54Speaker 04

  So Tony has a consolation gift because he knows Brad loves ribs. He kicked him out. He did a funny bit about it with, uh, he had AI kick Brad out, which is actually a voice of a friend of ours, but it, uh, a lot of inside jokes, so I won't get into it. But then he's like.

• 1:27:08Bill Simmons?

  He did use a voice of a friend of ours that Brad recognized the voice. So now he's mad at two people.

• 1:27:12Speaker 04

  Very mad at her. It's gonna hate, hates her. She's on the enemy list. But then, uh, but Tony leaves the room. And brings out a gigantic plate of like, it was like a framed poster sized pan of ribs. And then Brad is now angry at Tony and he opens the tin foil, the other, any other time he'd be delighted. And like pours nerds on him. I think that's the best result you could have asked for, being in the, uh, being right there in the.

• 1:27:38Bill Simmons?

  Worst result were the ribs ending up on my head or my lap. Best result was him pouring an entire bag of nerds. And then he ended up taking some of the ribs, but then Mike August, our auctioneer, who ate anything. And it just became a matter of time when Mike was gonna have the ribs and scrape the nerds off the ribs. Or then just eat the ribs with the nerds on them, which he did.

• 1:27:57Speaker 04

  He did, and I'm not gonna lie to you, I did as well. I had one. It's not that bad. Bad. It's good. I mean, you put like honey on ribs and like, you know, like sweet sauces. Nerd ribs are, uh, the thing of the twenty, twenty thirties.

• 1:28:12Bill Simmons?

  Well, I felt bad for Brad. The draft's always more fun when he's, when I somehow was sitting next to him. So maybe I was the one that, uh, that made out the best. So then. Brad leaves, you call him, you get him an Uber.

• 1:28:24Speaker 04

  Oh, yeah.

• 1:28:25Bill Simmons?

  He gets in the Uber.

• 1:28:28Bill Simmons?

  He doesn't, all of a sudden you get an email during our draft, we're drafting, Brad emails you that he left his phone in the Uber. So now you have to stop the draft, you have to call the Uber. Brad's already murdered your Uber stars.

• 1:28:38Speaker 04

  Oh, yeah. I went down three tenths of a rating, easily, easily.

• 1:28:41Bill Simmons?

  Do the lost item thing for the Brad. So the phone, it's an extra twenty bucks. You'd put that in. And then what happens after that?

• 1:28:48Speaker 04

  Yeah, this skid cost me fifty bucks, cause it's thirty to Uber him home. I had to get him out of there. He's tossing and turning. Like you said, screaming in the, in the Uber, cause he got kicked out. So that becomes the driver's problem. So my rating goes down. He gets home, he sends this email, says urgent, I left it in the car. So. Now I'm talking to this Uber driver. He's like, all right, it's an extra twenty dollars. I'm like, go ahead, ding me for it. We gotta get this draft going. Fifty bucks. And then, uh, like another ten minutes later, I hear from Brad. Uh, abort, abort, it's fine. I had the phone all along. So this whole, um, this whole skid cost me fifty bucks. Kicking Brad out.

• 1:29:26Bill Simmons?

  Thanks for the laughs, Tony.

• 1:29:27Speaker 04

  Yeah, there you go, Tony.

• 1:29:29Bill Simmons?

  And now Brad, it's been five days and he's still like genuinely mad.

• 1:29:35Speaker 04

  Yeah, he's, he's reported to other people. I think he's, he's spared me of it because he's already cost me 50 bucks and some hardship. But yeah, he's, he's plotting his revenge. So that's gonna be fun.

• 1:29:45Bill Simmons?

  What does Brad's revenge look like? And does this become like a Hulu true crime documentary? Like, there's, nobody's gonna die, right?

• 1:29:54Speaker 04

  I don't think so. Is he pouring nerds down Tony and Joel's throat in the middle of the night when they don't know it? I don't know. No, nobody's gonna die.

• 1:30:01Bill Simmons?

  All right.

• 1:30:03Speaker 04

  Brought to you by Uber Eats.

• 1:30:07Bill Simmons?

  Uber. Yeah, we worked Uber back into the thing. Well, I miss Brad at the draft. It was good to see him.

• 1:30:13Speaker 04

  I did.

• 1:30:14Bill Simmons?

  All right. So plugs for you. You're on the Ringer Gambling Show, which we're doing live on YouTube, Tuesday, Wednesday, and Friday. I thought we had a spectacular first week.

• 1:30:23Speaker 04

  Lots of fun, man. Yeah.

• 1:30:25Bill Simmons?

  I was power walking around on Wednesday, listening to you and House and the Bundo just having a great time.

• 1:30:29Speaker 04

  One especially. Yeah.

• 1:30:30Bill Simmons?

  Well, yeah, I was walking around. I was like, this is great. This could go on for four hours.

• 1:30:34Speaker 04

  You done good. I'm with Tate on Tuesdays. He had the Bundo and House on Wednesday and the Bundo and Hyphens on Friday. The Bundo's gonna hate me by, by probably the playoffs. But all the shows are a lot of fun, informative, and live, like you said, noon Eastern, Monday through Friday. You fill the slot there, right there.

• 1:30:51Bill Simmons?

  And then your Friday Ringer 107.

• 1:30:54Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 1:30:54Bill Simmons?

  And then, and then the Sunday Ringer pregame, which I watched the entire one today, which was

• 1:31:01Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 1:31:01Bill Simmons?

  Excellent.

• 1:31:02Speaker 04

  What was your pick? Your pick won, didn't it?

• 1:31:04Bill Simmons?

  Uh, no.

• 1:31:05Speaker 04

  Denver money line, Seattle plus three and a half. What did?

• 1:31:08Bill Simmons?

  Oh, that did win. Yeah.

• 1:31:09Speaker 04

  Yeah. Yeah.

• 1:31:10Bill Simmons?

  Yeah, that won.

• 1:31:11Speaker 04

  Fair. Yeah, it was good.

• 1:31:12Bill Simmons?

  Scraped it out.

• 1:31:14Bill Simmons?

  All right. Try to, try to protect your clothes from your kids. I'll do the same. And I'll see you in a week. Good job by you.

• 1:31:21Speaker 04

  Good job by you, buddy.

• 1:31:22Bill Simmons?

  Thanks to everybody for staying on the live podcast. Thanks to Gahan Eduardo as well. Don't forget, Prestige TV Podcast, Task. Great show, Sal. You gotta watch Task. We broke it down the first episode. We, me, Joanna and Mahoney. And then a new rewatch was coming tomorrow. We did Legend of Billy Jean with Helen Slater and Christian Slater.

• 1:31:41Speaker 04

  Oh.

• 1:31:41Bill Simmons?

  You probably don't have a ton of thoughts about that one, do you? Maybe?

• 1:31:44Speaker 04

  No, I don't have anything. No.

• 1:31:45Bill Simmons?

  Fair, fair? Sort of?

• 1:31:47Speaker 04

  Uh, I really don't. I might, I might go watch Helen Hunt. I might watch that scene over and over again. I do like that scene in the kitchen.

• 1:31:54Bill Simmons?

  You should watch the last five minutes of, uh, of the Ravens Bills game because.

• 1:31:59Speaker 04

  I didn't catch the result.

• 1:32:00Bill Simmons?

  The Bills won. Yeah. I think you blacked out.

• 1:32:03Speaker 04

  I don't believe you. You're a good friend, but I don't believe you with this kind of stuff.

• 1:32:06Bill Simmons?

  All right. Thanks. Thanks, everybody. Sit down. Bye, Sal.

• 1:32:09Speaker 04

  See you, bud.

• 1:32:24Bill Simmons?

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