Pod Insights Let's Talk About Myths, Baby! | Greek Mythology & the Ancient Mediterranean She Crashes into the Scene, Wine Skin Filled with Human Blood (Herodotus The Histories Bk 1, Part 4) About this episode We've finally made it to the end of the first book of Herodotus' Histories. It's been a wild ride folks, with all those twists and turns, but it ends with a bang. God it ends to well, I'm so happy. Thank you all for having me! And here's the the next time I see you all <3
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CW/TW: far too many Greek myths involve assault. I try to provide direct warnings when there is reference to anything with overtly traumatic themes but be aware that Greek mythology regularly features assault, death, and many other potentially triggering events.
Sources: Herodotus The Histories translated by Tom Holland.
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Transcript Speaker names marked ? are inferred from speaking time and the show’s known hosts — they are not voice-verified.
0:00 Liv Albert? Hey nerds, really quick note from me. I want to tell you that we now have the applications open for the next set of listener group trips. This is us going back to the original, the trips that we have held in the past that have been so much fun, so successful, and pretty affordable in terms of wandering around Greece with a bunch of nerds. So check out the details and get your applications in at mythsbaby.com grouptrip.
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1:17 Speaker 01 health issue pop up and needed to see someone fast. And instead of calling around or sitting on hold, I found a doctor on Zocdoc and booked an appointment in just a few minutes. It made the whole process so much less stressful. Now, taking care of your health just got easier. Download the Zocdoc app today. That's Zocdoc, Z-O-C-D-O-C, and book that appointment on your to-do list.
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2:45 Speaker 03 Hello everyone and welcome back to Let's Talk About Myths, baby. Guess what? This is your last episode with me, Michaela, for a little bit because we have finally made our way to the end of Book One of Herodotus's The Histories. Isn't that wild? I'm having a hard time believing that I actually managed to do all of this. It's been an experience, and one I've really, really enjoyed, actually. And so, thank you all for allowing me to take over the show this month. And thank you to Liv for trusting me with her baby and having confidence that I could do it at times when I felt like I couldn't. It's been such a wild ride. I wonder what Liv will do next for Spooky Month? I should, I should probably know, but I don't. So it'll be fun to figure that out together.
3:30 Speaker 03 I will come back from time to time to bring you more history content, though. If there are specific things that you would like to know about, head over to mythsbaby.com to let us know, or even message me on Instagram at @pithyowannabee. I will be coming back at the end of this year with a new, special, big series, this time on the Hellenistic period, which I will be splitting in two because there's, there's a lot to talk about when it comes to the Hellenistic period, and it's just too much to do all in one. And even then, the amount of episodes I'm gonna do, it still won't be enough, but that's fine. And of course, I will come back to do the next book of Herodotus's Histories, and the book after that, and then the one after that. I don't know when, but you know what? This isn't the last time that you'll hear from me, I think.
4:15 Speaker 03 Alright, so what happened last time? Uh, well, we got the backstory of Cyrus and the Persian Empire. We saw that Sardis had fallen, and now Croesus was in Cyrus's hands. He threw the Greeks, well, really more the Greek gods, like Apollo, under the bus. Where will we go next? And what tangents will Herodotus take us on this time? It's always something with that silly old guy.
4:56 Speaker 03 She crashes into the scene, wine skin filled with human blood. Herodotus is the Histories, Book One, Part Four.
5:17 Speaker 03 Great, we can finally move on with the narrative. And, in some ways, really, but anyways. Only because there's so much backstories for all the different cities in Ionia, in Asia Minor, you know, the coast of modern day Turkey, that I simply cannot cover them all in this episode, it would take us hours. It's actually insane how much information we get from chapter 141 onwards that doesn't directly have to do with what's been happening in the narrative. But I'm like, "Seriously, Herodotus?" Actually, it's actually pretty cool, but also we don't have the time, sorry. So, why don't we speedrun those moments of insane amounts of backstory? That might be fun.
6:02 Speaker 03 The Cliff Notes version of Ionian history.
6:06 Speaker 03 First, we're going to start with some basics, since Sardis has fallen. I don't remember if I added this, but yes, when Cyrus was making his way to Sardis, he did give all the Ionians and Aeolian cities an opportunity to revolt and join his side. They decided not to, which is fair, but now, well, now he has shown that, well, he might just be scary. They all do then send a message to Cyrus, saying, "Hey, you know, actually, I think it would be great to join your empire. Could we maybe talk about that again?" Cyrus responds with a story? A metaphor? I don't know. You decide. What he says is this.
6:48 Speaker 03 "An oboe player went to the sea and decided that he wanted to get all the fish to come to him, so he started playing his oboe in hopes that they would come on shore to him. But this didn't work out, so instead, he got a net and threw it into the sea and pulled out a whole school of fish. The fish were jumping about, and the oboe player goes on to say, 'Wow, now you dance, but you've lost your hand.'" Okay, I'm gonna be honest, like Cyrus, I get that you're mad that a group of all these people didn't want to just bow down to you and, you know, give you all the power, but your metaphor is dumb and weird and
7:30 Speaker 03 I mean, how do I put this into words? It's extremely violent as well, like, oh, look, I'm using force to capture you all, to force you out of your environment, to put you in a position where you will surely die. Um, but now you're trying to suck up to me? I don't know, Cyrus, maybe don't use force on others like that? However, uh, this is antiquity and empire building, so I think all that bullshit is on the table when one is building an empire.
7:59 Speaker 03 So, all the Ionians, except for Mylitis, start building walls and meeting councils together. Mylitis took a treaty with Cyrus, actually, and the other Ionians decide then to send an emissary to Sparta to ask for help. Before we get to that, though, we're just gonna do a quick look at Ionia, because Herodotus would like us all to know how wonderful and beautiful the region of Ionia is. How it has the bluest skies and the finest of climates and is just so wonderfully amazing. But we also must all be aware of the history of each Ionian city. So let's speedrun this shit. We are talking about the cities that share in a, in this thing called the Panionium. What's that? We'll get there, don't worry about it.
8:42 Speaker 03 He tells us Ionia has four dialects, because that's important to know. The cities are either on the mainland of Asia Minor, the coast of modern day Turkey, and some of them are on the islands around there. Herodotus says that the island cities didn't really have much to fear from Cyrus. Um, for some reason to do with the Phoenicians, I didn't quite get, but whatever, and that the Persians anyways preferred to stick to the land. The Ionians didn't have much influence in the Greek world, they weren't no Athenians, but they did well enough, and they made a sanctuary for their own use called the Panionium. There, there it is. It's like Delphi, but for Ionia. There were also Dorian's in Asia Minor, and they had six cities and their own exclusive temple.
9:23 Speaker 03 Halicarnassus used to be part of this Dion- Dionian Dorian, I know how to speak, oh my god, this Dorian city club. Um, but they were eventually kicked out of using their Pandar Dorian temple. Cause one of their citizens was an idiot once. But back to the Ionians in Ionia, these people can call themselves Ionian only because they can trace their lineage back to the Athenians. And they kept the festival of Apaturia. He doesn't tell us what that is, I guess we should just know, hmm. The Panionium was dedicated to Poseidon Halic- Helicenus. Which literally just means of Helicon, which is is the city in Achaea.
10:06 Speaker 03 There are alien equivalents to each of the Ionian cities also. Aeolia is much more fertile than Ionia. There's Aeolian settlements and the mainland and some on Lesbos and some of the other islands. And they were chill with following the lead of their Ionian cities when it came to the current predicament they all found themselves in with Cyrus. Well, there's our speed run.
10:29 Speaker 03 So the embassy gets to Sparta, okay, but back to this, right, so. I bet this bit will be substantial and super interesting and really bring mainland Greece into the picture, right? No, of course not, the embassy speaks to the Spartans, asking for help and the Spartans just say, nope. Be on your own and they send them on the way. They do send a ship, the Spartans, they they send a ship out to patrol the sea, just to make their presence known to the Persians. Just kinda cute, actually, I I really can't emphasize how much the
11:02 Speaker 03 Greek cities on their own weren't really a problem to the Persian Empire. We'll get into this more when we get into further books of Herodotus, but. It's a whole thing anyways. Um Cyrus asked the Greeks that were in his entourage, who we don't get names for, because that's not important. Um, who are the Spartans? And when he learns about them, he just kind of shrugs and says, what's there to fear? Why would I fear men who have a place to meet up and cheat each other? Okay, what the hell does that mean? Herodotus says that he is talking about the agora. An agora, if you didn't know, is just sort of the general word for the public space in Greek cities where people would meet up and sell shit and talk and other stuff. The Persians didn't have something like this, I suppose.
11:47 Speaker 03 I, I mean, of course they had markets and such, but I guess it just wasn't in the same way the agora was.
11:54 Speaker 03 But Cyrus felt that the agora, how the Greeks had it, was silly, so, mm. He then goes on to appoint a governor of Sardis, a Persian man by the name of Thabalas. And he appoints a Lydian by the name of Paktes to be in charge of the gold of Chrysus and Lydia. Cyrus had biggest, bigger issues in the east to worry about. That of Babylon, Bactria, Sakai, and Egypt.
12:18 Speaker 03 As soon as Cyrus heads out to Pak, heads out, Paktes immediately gets to work, using all the money he was left in charge of, to revolt against Cyrus and Thabalas. Thabalas gets trapped on the Acropolis at Sardis, and news of this revolt eventually gets to Cyrus on the road, who just rolls his eyes and pinches the bridge of his nose. Fuck, fuck, fuckity fuck, these people are so goddamn exhausting. When will I no longer have to deal with them? Okay, that's not exactly what he said, but the energy is there. He decides that what must happen is that the Lydians must all be put into slavery, because, didn't you know Cyrus was the most reasonable person on the planet? Like, wow, what a normal response. Chrysus? Alright, okay, so I have feelings about Chrysus, that's, I'm sure you all do as well.
13:03 Speaker 03 He- But despite all the things he does, he isn't as terrible as some of the other men we've met. I mean, he's not great, but he's not the worst. Because when Croesus hears what Cyrus is thinking, you know, putting all the Lydians into slavery, he runs up to him and is like, why do that? Sardis is not to blame. I am to blame. She's an ancient city and, and the only reason she rose up against you is because of what I inspired in her. Do what you like to Pactes, of course, but leave the Lydians alone. If you do anything to the Lydians, ban them from owning weapons, from learning how to fight, have them invest in the arts, learn the lyre, invest in luxuries and in no time they will be too soft to put up any fight against you.
13:47 Speaker 03 Cyrus chills out and he actually kinda liked Croesus's idea. So he summoned a mead, a man by the name of Mazaris, and sends him back to Sardis with the detachment of soldiers to deal with the revolt. He told him to sell only those into slavery who took part in the revolt, to leave the rest to their own devices. When Pactes learned of what was coming for him, he promptly fucked right off. Mazaris survived in Sardis only to learn that Pactes and his followers were gone. He learned where Pactes had went, to Keem, a city, and demanded that Pactes be given to them. The Keemians, when learning what Mazaris wanted, sent an emissary to a nearby oracle. Should we give Pactes back to them? Yes, said the oracle. But a very important citizen of Keem, Aristodichus.
14:34 Speaker 03 Okay, I'm an adult, I can do that. Sorry. Aristodichus couldn't believe this, so he decided that they must go back to the oracle again and ask the question a second time. Maybe the first emissaries were lying about what the oracle said? Well, he gets there with his group and he goes to the priests and asks, should we give Pactes to the Persians? Yes, they said again. Aristodichus was pissed about this response and proceeded to kill all the birds in the sanctuary, which is way too much, like, come on. Anyways, apparently Apollo appears, I don't know, and he says, dude, what the hell, why are you killing my subleons? Because you kill yours, says Aristodichus. This goes back and forth and back and forth for a while and Aristodichus then returns to Keem
15:19 Speaker 03 and they don't want to give Pactes back to the Persians, so they then set off to Mybelene with him. Once they get there, however, the Mytilians promptly pack Pactus off and send him to the Persians. And that's the story of Pactus. Thank you, Herodotus. Anyways, Mazaros does a bit more, but we're just gonna take one step forward because guess who returns? None other than our old friend Harpagus. Remember the one who ate his son? Okay, he was tricked into eating his son, but still, that's not something that is easy to forget about someone. See, Harpagus is back because, well, Mazaris dies. And now Harpagus is in control of this little force sent by Cyrus.
15:59 Speaker 03 He marches on several different Ionian cities to just, I don't know, fuck them up? Like, really, so much of this is how several different Ionian cities are just falling little by little to the Persian forces. It's nothing too big or terrible, but it's, it's there. Right, he gets the Phocaeans. Well, he kinda gets the Phocaean city. See, all the Phocaeans, all the people, they leave and try to make a life elsewhere. They, they literally just pack up all their stuff and their family into warships and sail on out of the city to try and find a new place to live. They settle in various places, even in the west. Um, this is important and we do have more to get through, so like,
16:43 Speaker 03 I don't know, whatever. I guess one group's response to being seized is to just leave and that's fair. Oh, I guess not just one group. The Taeans did this too, but that's the only Ionian cities that decide to just leave. The rest put up a good fight, but to no avail. Persian rule was sweeping into Ionia. Oh, and in case you were wondering and worried, the Panionium was still going on throughout all of this warfare. Because some cultural practices are just too important to give up.
17:12 Speaker 03 I don't have a way to express how much the end of this chapter is simply exploring the origins of individual groups of people and where they originated from and their culture and their practices. Um, you know, like where are the origins of the Countians? Where are the origins of the Carians? Where are the origins of the Ter millions? Um, but- Even though I'm not gonna go into the gritty details of all of this, I will just give you a little bit of a talk on why this is actually pretty freaking amazing. This is sort of the wonderful thing about Herodotus. Even though it is dense and tangenty and difficult to get into sometimes and to retain, it gives us so much value when it comes to studying the ancient world. To understand the ancients as people and how they existed and understood their place
17:58 Speaker 03 with their own specific, in their own specific region. Not just in sort of like the Greater Greek understanding, but in sort of the smaller polis or city understanding. Right? We also have to remember that Herodotus is getting his information from people that he meets on the way in his travels. He's from talking to them and compiling all these different stories and then putting them together to try to make sense of them. And you'll see bits of that process popping up all over the histories, where he will mention that there is several stories to understand X thing, but this one seems the most credible to him for Y reason. Herodotus just gives us a bounty of cultural understanding that allows us to piece together ancient thought in a way that we don't get from other sources.
18:42 Speaker 03 Dare I say from myths, which can be so nebulous and significantly less concrete in practice. Now, I'm not implying that myths aren't important. Of course they are. They are incredibly valuable to understanding a people. But I'm just a lover of the history sort of things, the cultural history sort of things. How did the people living at the time relate to their own history and their land and their traditions? You know, to where their ancestors came from, to the wider world around them. These are sort of the things that bring me joy and what I like to home in on. This is why Liv is getting me to do histories and not myths. She's, you know, a savant with the myths and I'm just her little history gremlin shouting, "Did you know?" from the far distance.
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22:03 Speaker 03 Okay, well, Herpagus is fucking up the coastline, but really, he isn't what we're here for, is he? We are here for Cyrus, and remember that Herodotus said that the Persians are really a land-loving people, so into the mainland we go. Herodotus tells us that Cyrus is doing a fantastic job on his land-raising, people-crushing, empire-building mission, and then he cannot possibly tell us about all the battles he is fighting, so instead, he should just focus in on the important ones. So let's start in Assyria, specifically in the city of Babylon. Alright, so we get a lot of backstory about Babylon. Some of it is super interesting, some that are just, I don't know, there.
22:43 Speaker 03 There is someone who will love that stuff, and I'll tell bits of it regardless, but quickly, because we don't have, you know, hours. Anyways, so Babylon had quite the moat, apparently. A large and impressive moat that when one saw could not help but think, "Where the hell did they put the dirt from the moat?" Well, interestingly, we are told that the dirt from the moat made the defensive walls. Well, how did this happen? See, when they were digging the moat, they took all the dirt from it and they made them into bricks that they then fired. Mud bricks. This is a thing. It's actually a thing. Anyways, once all these bricks were fired, they stacked them up with mortar and ta-da, wall!
23:26 Speaker 03 Now, it's not just a lovely big moat, but a lovely big wall that further helps to defend the city. The city of Babylon itself was bisected by the river Euphrates. I don't see a lot of information about the differences between the two sides of the cities, but, you know, there were two sides, and we do hear a little bit about that later on. Not much, but a little. Anyways, the division is interesting. It creates sort of like, I don't want to say two different cultures, but two different thoughts. You know, there's the us on this side versus them on this side. Um, anyways. While the river was delightful, it also caused a problem because there was no bridge. At least at an earlier point, and so people had to get across the Euphrates in Babylon with a boat.
24:11 Speaker 03 There's more information on how the city is laid out. It's a lot. It's putting me to sleep, actually. No, it is fascinating and interesting, but I'm excited about other things to do with Babylon. So let's see. Okay, so there were temples. Some cool ones, um, but, oh, right, this is it. The queens. So the city had several different rulers and they did lots of work at making the city very beautiful, but Herodotus calls out two specifically. And that is the two women who ruled Babylon in their own right at different points of time. First, we start with Semiramis, and we are told that she was responsible for the dikes on the plains around Babylon. Yay, dikes. These dikes were very important because they actually stopped the river from flooding so heavily that the entire land would be all underwater.
24:57 Speaker 03 So go Semiramis and her dikes. That's all we get, though, about her. The next queen, we get more information about, and honestly, when I was reading about her, oh, God, I love her. There are two women in this episode that we're gonna talk about that I love. This is the first. So the second of Babylon's queens was a woman named Nidocris. She was smart and beautiful and caring and wise. Oh, a woman after my own heart. The first thing she did was change the course of the Euphrates River. She did this by cutting channels in the river to make it much more curvy compared to its previous pretty straight path. Now, the river flowed here and there, and it was so curvy that it even passed through the same town three different times.
25:38 Speaker 03 This made it significantly slower to get to Babylon itself. One couldn't take the quick path of riding down the river. If they chose to go down the river, it would take, well, a while now. They could always walk, but walking is slow still. She also had a lake made. She had the lake bed dug out and then diverted the flow of the Euphrates so that the lake filled up. And while the river was dry through the city, she had bridges made so that one could get from one side of the river easier without having to take a boat. She also made sure the bridges could be closed at night so that the inhabitants of one side could rob the inhabitants of the other side because apparently, I don't know. That's the thing that was happening, whatever. Anyways, we love Nidocris. She was amazing.
26:18 Speaker 03 And she did so many wonderful things for the city of Babylon and also we're getting a lot about her, so maybe we do have an information bias from Herodotus. He certainly seems to led by her. When she passed away, she had a crypt made for her at the top of the most frequented gate into the city. That was where her body would lay, and at the door to her crypt was a plaque which read, "Should any king who ascends the throne of Babylon after me find himself short of treasure, then let him open my tomb and take as much as he wants. Only poverty, however, will suffice his justification."
26:52 Speaker 03 None of the kings who followed dared to go into her crypt and take these treasures. That is until Darius. Do you guys know who Darius is? We'll find out soon. Anyways, well, Darius dared to go in there to get the treasure, and what he found was only her corpse and an inscription that read, "So this is the measure of your lust for treasure, and of the depths to which your greed has plunged you, that you think nothing of forcing the tomb of the dead." Love her. Honestly, I love Nekratis so much.
27:23 Speaker 03 Is it bad that I don't want to spend that much time looking at how Cyrus got Babylon? I don't find military campaigns all that interesting, but I know some of you do. I'm sorry to be the one who is telling you this story because I truly will not do the military campaigns and skirmishes justice. Um, but you know, I'll give you the Michaela special. Like, how quickly can I summarize a story? Well, Cyrus gets to Babylon and he's like, "Well, that's a big wall, and that's a big moat, but there is a river. You know what? Let's just hide out here by the water." And where the river enters and exits the city. Cyrus says, "Guys, chill here and wait for the moment. You'll know the moment when it happens." He goes to Natacris's lake and fords it so that the euphrates starts to get lower and lower,
28:08 Speaker 03 low enough that a man can simply walk through it. And that's what the Persians do. They walk right into Babylon and take it, starting from the outside and making their way in. There is more to this story, like how, you know, the people in the very inner parts of Babylon weren't even aware that their city had fallen, but whatever. What Herodotus does want us to know about is the sheer amount of resources that Babylon has. The land here is so arable, so capable of production, that what it produces is able to supply a third of all of Asia and the Near Ours, Near East's resources. It is so abundant that the royal tables are fed with just the resources from Babylon for four months of the year from just this one city.
28:52 Speaker 03 This is because of the Euphrates and just generally the land in this area. It isn't called the Fertile Crescent for nothing. It's where agriculture disrupted. It's just, look, it's, it's really, really fertile.
29:07 Speaker 03 Greece could never. Regardless, if you'd like to know about Babylonia and all the things about it that Herodotus wants to tell us, the various cultural practices um that he finds interesting, you can find them in Books one ninety-two to three hundred. Last, we must move on because we have more to cover. Cyrus's next conquest was to take on the Massagettans. Who were the Massagettans, you may ask? Well, I asked the same thing. So, so they were people who lived beyond the river Araxes and some believe that they were quite similar to the Scythians. They, they were a steeps people, right? They rose in power in the eighth century BCE and they were around till around the third century. I would love to hear more about them. Honestly, I'd love to learn more about the people of this region generally because they exist in such an interesting place in the Greek imagination.
29:52 Speaker 03 Um, these people were like the so-called inspirations for the Amazons. I'd like, I want to learn about the actual Amazons, the actual steeps people, the actual Scythians. I should look for a guest. Hey, you know what? If anyone knows one, send them away. I want to learn. Anyways, Cyrus wanted to take on the Massagettans. Herodotus doesn't give us a lot of reasons for why Cyrus wanted to do this. I would say general empire building reasons probably. All Herodotus tells us is that the reason he wanted to attack were the wondrous and supernatural circumstances of his birth and then how he'd always succeeded on campaign before, which should be a warning, but whatever. So recently, the Massagettan king had passed away, but his widow now sat on the throne. Her name was Tomras. Ever heard of her?
30:37 Speaker 03 I have. Okay, it was from Civ six, but whatever. Regardless, I have heard of her and now I know more about her and this is the second woman I am so excited to talk about because she is cool as shit. Cyrus wishes to cross the Araxes and get into Massagettan territory. So he begins to construct a bridge. Tomras doesn't love this. She doesn't want him around at all and knows it's going to be a fight. She proceeds to send an ambassador his way to say, hey. Guy, if you wanna fight, we can fight. How about you let me know where and when you want to fight, on my territory or on yours? There's no reason to build a bridge. Tell me where you can fight and we can arrange that. Cyrus immediately thinks, you know what? Let's fight in Persian territory. Home field advantage. That'll work beautifully.
31:23 Speaker 03 All the other senior Persian officials agreed with him. What a wonderful idea Cyrus, that would work splendidly for us. Let's do that. Croesus, however, thinks this isn't the best idea. He approaches Cyrus and says, hey, hey, why do you wanna do this? If you invite them in, if you, if you let them into your own territory and then you lose the battle, well, now they have gained some of our land and you will lose power. If they win, they won't go home. They will continue further into Persian land. And if you win the victory, what then? You still will need to cross the river. You should meet in her territory. That way, if you win, you can keep moving onwards into the further Masageten territory. Also, on top of all that, why are you afraid of a woman? Don't cower before a woman and let her have your way.
32:08 Speaker 03 Dude, that's embarrassing. Cyrus agrees with Croesus. He does that a lot. Anyways, I mean, like, when doesn't he disagree with Croesus? Whatever. Cyrus abandons the original idea of his and the advisors and, and takes the Lydians advice. He messages Tonras and lets her know that he will come over the Araxes and fight her in her own land. She pulled her forces back so that he could cross the river and enter Masageten territory. Well, here's the last little bit we got about Croesus. Cyrus entrusts him with his son Campices. His heir. He told Campices to treat this man with the utmost respect because he has been the most wonderful and helpful guest and he should be cared for.
32:52 Speaker 03 Then he went to bed that night and proceeded to have a dream. Oh boy, do the Persians have lots of dreams that seem to mean so much. I mean, their dreams operate in the same way as the Greek oracles do in the stories. That's sort of their function in this narrative. Cyrus dreams that he was looking at the son of his eldest son Heistaspius. I can speak, Heistaspius, and that his grandson grew wings so large that they put both Asia and Europe in the shade. Heistaspius was an acumenid, his son was Darius. Remember that name from earlier in Babylon with Queen Nidicris? Yeah, that, that Darius. Anyways, when Cyrus awoke, he was perturbed by the dream.
33:32 Speaker 03 He proceeded to call his son Heistaspius to him to say, "Son, your child is plotting against me. I dreamed it, it must be true." Because, yes, that makes complete sense, but whatever. He was very determined that this was the meaning of this dream and kept letting his son know that this is what he thought. Herodotus then goes on to tell us that, in fact, the dream didn't mean that. The dream meant that Cyrus's doom was close and that the one who will get the rule of his kingdom was none other than Darius. Heistaspius was disturbed by what his father said, but also what could he do? Of course, he must listen to his father and to his king. This is the way that it goes. "Of course, father, if you think that the dream means that my son is plotting against you, then of course that means that he is plotting against you.
34:17 Speaker 03 I will bring him to you and you can do what you want to him." Heistaspius leaves and heads for Persia to get his son Darius to answer for his evil plotting. Cyrus continues on. He marches from the Araxes for about a day. However, he left behind all these non-fighting troops by the river and the Masagetans come in and wipe them all out. But actually, this was a trap by the Persians. They left out a wonderful feast and lots of wine that the Masagetans proceeded to eat all up before laying down for a nap. Happy as clams, drunk as can be. Because that's what you do when you take out an enemy camp. It's like Goldilocks, but higher stakes.
35:01 Speaker 03 Well, the Persians then came back and ambushed them, killing all the Masagetans and taking the son of Tomris as prisoner. Tomris hears this and is pissed off. What a low trick, she thinks. She sends Cyrus a message.
35:17 Speaker 03 Blood drinker, the message says. You can't take on my men like usual, so you ply them with wine so you can easily take them out? Coward, weak, weak man. I will give you some advice now and you better take it. Give me back my son and leave, and I will overlook this insult. But if you don't, then I swear, I swear by the sun that I will sate your desire for blood.
35:49 Speaker 03 I fucking love Thomas so much, she's amazing. Thomas's son wakes up and begs Cyrus to release him from his chain. Cyrus, surprisingly, does. He allows this man to be released. The son immediately grabs a knife and stabs himself to death. Now Cyrus just has the corpse of Thomas's son and he wasn't even that bothered by her message in the first place. Thomas musters her forces and rides out to meet him. The Masagitan and Persian forces clash in the fiercest of battles. There were arrows flying, horses running, men fighting sword to sword, spears stabbing forth.
36:29 Speaker 03 It is a formidable battle and both sides were fighting hard, refusing to back down even an inch. But, in the end, it was the Masagitans who were winning. They had wiped out so much of the Persian force and even worse for the Persians? They got Cyrus. Yeah, Cyrus died. As the Persians fled, Thomas walked amongst the corpses, searching. She had a wine skin, which she had filled to the brim with blood. Human blood. And as she found the body stretched out on the ground, she grabbed the head of Cyrus and pushed the wine skin in the corpse's mouth, watching the blood drain down the dead man's throat.
37:11 Speaker 03 "Now, you have your fill," she says, standing over the corpse.
37:29 Speaker 03 All of you, that's it. That's the end of book one of Herodotus's Histories. It really goes out with a bang, doesn't it? Just the most badass of shit from the most badass of women. Future wife material. God, I wish I... It's interesting to me how this book started and ended with women, right? First, we get the long list of reductions, just the most insane amount of bullshit that justifies as why these two regions hate each other so very much. But then it ends with women, with women doing amazing things. I mean, first, we get to hear about two Babylonian queens, Semiramas and Nida Chris. Well, honestly, mostly Nida Chris, but we cannot forget about Semiramas and her many, many dykes. They are also important.
38:13 Speaker 03 And then we get the beautiful and metal as fuck Tomris. God, she is just so amazing. Like, I can't stop thinking about her. She shook no shit, man. I want more. I need someone to come to talk to us about Tomris.
38:27 Speaker 03 I'm so very happy that I got to spend this month with you guys and Herodotus. Especially, you know, when you're as busy as one can get in adult life, you kind of need to go back to the basics, the things that started your love. And truly, Herodotus is up there. I mean, I love history. And I really love all the things he focuses on. Yeah, anyways, very happy that I got to spend this month with you guys.
38:56 Speaker 03 Let's Talk About Myths, Baby is written and produced by the one and only Liv Albert. Michaela Pangowesh is the Hermes to all your Olympians, the producer, mistress of The Wild Crow and does other things sometimes. Select music by Luke Chaos. Thank you, Luke. The podcast is part of the Memory Collective Podcast Network, a collection of creators that all strive to bring you accurate and reliable information on the ancient world and all its going-ons. These include the wonderful friends at Movies We Dig, the Partial Historian Sweet Better, and so many more. Big thank you to Kristy Vogler of Movies We Dig for organizing the livestream event we did this past weekend. Honestly, what a queen. She worked so hard on it and it went off so beautifully.
39:39 Speaker 03 Like, round of applause, Kristy. You are amazing. If you missed it, it was recorded and available on the Movies We Dig YouTube account, I believe. Get ad-free episodes and so much more by subscription to the Oracle Edition on Patreon at patreon.com/mithsababy or via the link in the episode's description. Lots of stuff in the works over on Patreon. I'm toying with the idea of doing Patreon gaming livestreams, mostly because I'm replaying ACO and also I just got Hades 2, so why not play it together? If that interests you, maybe become a patron and join the adventure. Thank you all for welcoming me to recording and telling you the histories of herodotists. I'm so happy to have been given this chance to share what I love in classics.
40:24 Speaker 03 See you when I see you.
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Previous Liv Reads Statius: The Thebaid (Part 10) Next RE-AIR: Conversations: Dragons! Witches! Werewolves! The Ancient Supernatural w/ Daniel Ogden Page updated November 1, 2026 · transcript and summary are machine-generated