How to Find Peace Under Pressure

Do you maintain KINDNESS AND GRACE under pressure? Practicing KINDNESS AND GRACE is easy when life is going well. But how you behave during stressful times REVEALS WHO YOU REALLY ARE! The true test of our identity comes when we're caught in the storm. My ability to practice kindness and grace has been tested a couple of times recently, and in today’s episode I am going to share the strategies I use to maintain control over my emotions and how to create a RESILIENT ADVANTAGE over people and circumstances that seek to bring the worst out of you. We'll explore: The significance of keeping your emotions aligned with your highest self, even when provoked or under stress. The power of not allowing others' actions to dictate your emotional responses. How to choose reason and restraint over retaliation How being in control of your emotions will drastically improve the QUALITY OF YOUR LIFE How to harness undeniable STRENGTH found in kindness and grace. In this episode, I'm not just sharing insights; I'm inviting you on a transformative journey. A journey to discover how applying kindness and grace, especially in the face of adversity, can become your most powerful ally in creating a life filled with peace, resilience, and meaningful connections. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Speaker names marked ? are inferred from speaking time and the show’s known hosts — they are not voice-verified.

• 0:00Ed Mylett?

  So hey guys, are you frustrated with where you're at right now? Maybe stunted in your progress? Well, if you are, I want to recommend a place for you to go called Growth Day. GrowthDay.com/Ed. It is the number one personal development app on the planet. It's got all kinds of high-performance techniques in there. Courses, accountability, journaling, live speeches from some of the top influencers in the world, including me. It's an overall environment to change your life. GrowthDay.com/Ed. I hear so many small business owners say the exact same thing. They just never have enough time in the day. Well, I measure time differently. I've compressed, condensed, heck, I've bent time. My first day is 6:00 AM to noon. My second day starts at noon and goes till 6:00 PM. And my third day, 6:00 PM to midnight.

• 0:45Ed Mylett?

  I now get 21 days a week. Stack that up over a month, over a year, over five years, and my life's completely different than it would have been otherwise. And if you want to win as an entrepreneur, you have to compress your time too. And you definitely can't afford to waste it waiting weeks on a big bank for capital. Your best bet's to work with my friends at Cardiff. They know how to compress time for entrepreneurs. They get your business approved in minutes and funded the very same day. They're America's favorite small business lender, and for good reason. Over 20 years in business, over 12 billion deployed to small business across America. Stop letting bank delays slow down your momentum. Head to cardiff.co/Ed. That's cardiff.co/Ed. Cardiff.co. Real growth, fast funding. Cardiff, borrow better.

• 1:35Speaker 01

  This is the Ed Miliband Show.

• 1:39Ed Mylett?

  All right, welcome back to the show, everybody. So I want to start out today by telling you what we're going to talk about, which is we're going to talk about extending grace and kindness to people, but actually doing it during difficult times, during stressful situations, and why it matters that you do it. And I'm going to tell you two stories from my life that both happened very recently that I thought, I have to teach this lesson today because it taught me one. And so the first one happened, I did a post about this a few weeks ago, and it went pretty viral. So I'm driving down the road, and I don't know if you've ever had this happen, but just someone's messing with you next to you, right? And this person was trying to agitate me, and they'd cut me off. And then, you know, then they went around me and were behind me and kind of riding my bumper. And then they were yelling, then they wanted to race me. And I'm like, come on, man.

• 2:23Ed Mylett?

  I'm not that dude, I'm a grown man, I'm not gonna erase you, right? But they were trying to agitate me. And they didn't. I didn't get upset. I thought, what a huge win, like, I kept my emotions the way I wanted them, I stayed emotionally under control, I stayed poised. When me, maybe five years ago, certainly 10 or 15 years ago, you know how you'd be, you start yelling back at them, you get agitated, you get anxious, you get angry. And I was allowing outside stimulus to affect my internal emotions. And so I thought, what a gigantic win, like, this was awesome, I wasn't upset, I waved at them, I smiled. And you know what else I found out? When someone's trying to get under your skin, trying to get you negative, trying to get you angry, trying to get you distracted, right?

• 3:07Ed Mylett?

  Trying to get you to perform in a way that's not reflective of your real character, right? When you don't give in to that, man, it frustrates them. It was such a bonus for me to see this person getting more and more frustrated that I was just, I was living with equanimity. In my book, The Power of One More, I have a whole chapter on equanimity, which basically means, my version of it is peace under duress, finding peace in a, in a stressful situation and circumstance, and being able to live in that state, a state of equanimity. And I did. And I was very proud of myself because it's easy to do that when you're at a park, or by a lake, or on your boat, or wherever, right? In a peaceful place, taking a walk with a dear friend. The simple things in life.

• 3:49Ed Mylett?

  But it's not so easy sometimes to do it when there's stress, when emotions get raised, when someone's intentionally trying to do harm to you. It was a better win than making a bunch of money by winning an award, by how well this podcast does. I felt so great that I won because winning in life is an emotional game. Your quality of your life is the quality of your emotions. Right? You don't want a bunch of money, you want how you think a bunch of money is gonna make you feel, if that's what you want. You don't even necessarily want a relationship, you want how you think that relationship will make you feel. You wanna be super fit and jacked. You want how you think you will feel if you're super fit and jacked. So we're all trying to find as an emotion as a feeling. And what I find is you don't have to chase them.

• 4:33Ed Mylett?

  They're within you right now. And only it only happens when you surrender that emotion to the outside circumstance that you lose or to a person. You're going to have someone, you may even right now, who's antagonistic towards you or is hating on you. Or just they cut you off on the road or they're at work and you're competing with them for a job and they're trying to undercut you, whatever it might be, right? Or if someone's rude to you in a restaurant, right? Or dismissive to you. It's very easy to allow what that outside stimulus does to infect your internal emotional thermostat level. And every time you stay in control of your emotions, you win. And that's a muscle you build.

• 5:12Ed Mylett?

  And I've found that it's pretty difficult now to get me to change my emotions based on your behavior. It's hard to get me to change my emotions based on the conditions around me. Yet I lived probably 50 years of my life where the conditions dictated my emotions. The treatment somebody gave me dictated my emotions, right? The circumstances around me dictated my emotions. The results dictated my emotions. And so you're probably nodding with me right now that you have a tendency to do that. And every time you don't and you stay in control and you stay kind, you stay graceful, you stay in a state of equanimity and peace. What ends up happening is you win and you build a muscle that becomes stronger and stronger and stronger. And that's what resilience is. That's what it is.

• 5:56Ed Mylett?

  That's what building something great in your life is all about, is doing it over and over and over again and developing the pattern of building the emotions we want.

• 6:08Ed Mylett?

  So hey guys, as you know, I've partnered up with my good friend Brennan Burchard, who's created the greatest personal development system that has ever been designed called Growth Day. There's everything from journaling to accountability programs, live messages every Monday from myself and other influencers. There's an opportunity for you to get courses that would cost thousands of dollars completely for free. It's incredible. Go to growthday.com/ed and check it out.

• 6:32Ed Mylett?

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• 7:15Ed Mylett?

  Go to ro.co/milet to see if you qualify. That's R-O dot C-O slash Mylett to get started on Ro. For side effects of GLP-1 medications, including boxed warning, go to ro.co/safety. R-O dot C-O slash safety. So when I ended up buying the island, we had to do all of our outdoor decorating, and I spent a fortune in the first half of the place. And I'm like, I don't want to do this anymore, but I want the best stuff. And that's where Wayfair came in. My wife wanted to get this new garden bed, and Wayfair was the place that offered the perfect solution. Wayfair also helps you create a home that stands up to real life with quality products, great value, and trusted reviews. Wayfair verified products are hand-vetted by product specialists that use a 10-point quality inspection system. Here's what I can tell you. The stuff has lasted over time.

• 7:59Ed Mylett?

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• 8:36Ed Mylett?

  Really, we learn these negative emotional patterns as children, don't we? When something doesn't go our way, we start screaming and crying, right? Or we fall down and, you know, we get really upset. Or someone does something to us at school and we come home very sad. So we start these patterns very young in our life and we never undo them. And we all have what I call like an emotional home. And what that means is that in your life, you know, no matter what the circumstances are, most people have a pattern of emotions they're gonna get back. So for some people, that pattern is, you know, they find every single day of their life, they find a way back to grace and peace and bliss and ecstasy and joy and passion. For other people though, no matter what the circumstances are, they find a way to get their anger, to get their anxiety, to get their worry, to get their fear.

• 9:21Ed Mylett?

  And if emotions are the quality of our life, I was losing. I remember, I'll tell you a quick story. Many, many years ago, I was blessed that I was doing very well financially, finally, in my life. And I was building my first dream home. And the contractor had messed something up that day. And I had appointment canceled and another client of mine changed their mind. And then I, the house was under construction. I walked in, I was mad at the contractor. I walked in, they're angry and stressed and, ah, you know. And I looked and there were a group of gentlemen who were working on my kitchen. They were all carpenters. They all happened to be from Mexico. And I watched them. And I'm standing in my mansion, okay, that was being built, angry and frustrated and frankly scared. Anger is usually, the other side of the coin is fear. Scared.

• 10:06Ed Mylett?

  All the emotions I didn't want, I'm experiencing in my body. That was my life experience at that moment. Who cared that I had money or a mansion or those things? Because it wasn't giving me those emotions then that I thought it was gonna give me. And I was watching these men in my kitchen. And all of them, they had their mariachi music on. Most of these men were not making a lot of money, by the way. They had left their families in Mexico. And most of them were working here to send money back home to their family. I later got to know many of them pretty well because they were there for a long time and I befriended most of them. But as I watched them... They were singing and dancing and enjoying their time and laughing and cracking jokes with another, meanwhile doing work that they were great at, that was meaningful, that was beautiful. And in that moment, if you said, who's winning the game of life? The guy with the mansion?

• 10:50Ed Mylett?

  Or the men who were building it for him? And in that moment, they were winning the life game because they were doing work that mattered to them, that they were passionate about. They were laughing, they were joyous, they were in a blissful state, they had a state of equanimity and joy and passion and focus about what they were doing. And meanwhile, the rich guy with the mansion over there, he was in a state of anger and fear and frustration and worry and angst. So if the quality of our emotions are the quality of our life, I remember clearly in that moment, watching these men, there were six of them, in this kitchen that was being built, thinking, they're winning the game of life right now. I'm losing it. Yet the outside world would probably say, the guy with the mansion's winning. That's not winning.

• 11:33Ed Mylett?

  Winning is, are you in control of the emotions that you want? And somehow, we get our emotional home. You'd ask yourself, what's your emotional home currently? Like, over the last six months, what's the primary emotion you feel every day? Is it fear? Is it frustration? Is it anger? Is it worry? Is it depression? Is it frustration? Is it just sort of blah? Or are you getting a whole bunch of peace and a whole bunch of bliss and a whole bunch of happiness and joy and ecstasy? Or not? Are you doing work that means something to you and you feel a sense of contribution from it and growth from it? Or do you not? And so, for me, I had to evaluate that. And so, between the ride in the car that I had that day and that man in the mansion, I've grown a lot.

• 12:18Ed Mylett?

  And so, I'm proof today that you can do it because it's a pattern that you built. And then, the other thing is, for me, the pathway to feeling these emotions is my ability to extend grace and kindness to other human beings. We're in a world today where we're so divided and at each other's throats, it seems, and, you know, we're all, we all believe we're separate. That they're separate people. You're this, I'm that. You believe that, I believe this. You're from there, I'm from here. All these different things in life, the different religious conflicts that we have, the wars that we're in, but even just the day-to-day way we treat one another. There's not enough kindness. So my, my call to you today, my plea to you today is to begin to live a life where even more,

• 13:02Ed Mylett?

  even if you're doing it, to extend more grace and kindness to people in your everyday life. And then the measure of it also is can you do it when they don't extend it to you? See, that guy in the car that day wasn't extending me any of those things, but I extended grace and kindness back to him. See, it's easy to be kind and, and, and gentle and, and beautiful with people when they're doing that for you. But what happens when they're not? Cause that tells us who you really are, doesn't it? It tells me who I really am. Can I extend kindness and grace to you when you're not behaving in a way that's worthy of it? When you're antagonistic towards me? You know, I'm in a little bit of a business thing right now where there's some strife in one of my businesses and everyone's being so horrible to one another.

• 13:46Ed Mylett?

  And it's my ability to not reciprocate, not reduce myself to that level and extend them grace. I don't know what they're going through. I don't know what problems they have. Give them kindness and grace when really they're not even earning it right now. But I'm worth giving it to them. Because it makes me feel better about me when I give somebody that grace. I'll give you an example, last story.

• 14:11Ed Mylett?

  Several weeks ago, I was out to dinner with my family. It was a pretty nice restaurant, like crazy nice, but pretty nice. And there was a family at the table right next to us. And right when we walked in, I could hear this family in the lobby. And the kids were real rowdy. You can picture it, you've been sitting like this, not just a little rowdy. I'm talking about like screaming and yelling and, you know, running around the table during the meal. It was a decent restaurant, right? It was distracting to other people in the restaurant. And I remember we sat next to them. You can imagine probably like, I was like, oh man, I just wanted to have a nice, beautiful meal with my family. And now I'm gonna deal with this all, all night. And I did deal with it. They were. These kids were misbehaving pretty heavy and you know, there's that part of you when

• 14:54Ed Mylett?

  you look at the parents, you're like, "Discipline your kids!" I start judging them. "I would never let my kids act out like that." "Have your kids sit down, tell them to be quiet, have them put the napkin on their lap." Like, you know, they're yelling at each other. This is a restaurant. There's decorum here. There's manners. And so I found myself not only tending towards frustration with the noise level in the kids, but also judging the parents. Judgment and frustration. And I'm not kidding you because I know I do this for a living. I went, "Are these the emotions I want to experience during this meal? Is that's what I'm gonna do at dinner? I get this two-hour dinner too. So I'm gonna choose to be judgmental, angry, frustrated, and totally distracted with their

• 15:36Ed Mylett?

  table instead of present with these people that I love. Can I in this moment find a way to extend grace and kindness to that family?" And I did. I made this shift, which surprised my own family frankly, I think. And I was fully present with my family and laughing and blissful as this chaos was going on. Now that's a test for your emotional makeup, right? So you know those pieces in your closet that you find yourself wearing like on repeat all the time? That sweater that kinda just goes with everything or these perfect pair of pants? Those are the pieces that make getting dressed easy and that's what Quince does best. Quince focuses on high-quality wardrobe staples with premium materials like 100% Mongolian

• 16:21Ed Mylett?

  cashmere, organic cotton. The styles are timeless, versatile, and designed to become the dependable pieces you reach for every day. It's what I'm wearing right now. They give you the softness and quality you'd expect from a luxury brand without the price tag. Quince also makes premium pants, fitted tees and polos, and breathable activewear. Quality basics designed to work with your wardrobe and hold up to everyday wear. I love their cotton tees. I'm wearing one now and I get a ton of compliments when I wear them on the podcast and when I speak. So, find your next fall favorites at Quince. Download the Quince app for app-exclusive offers or go to quince.com/ed for free shipping on your order and 365-day returns. Now available in Canada and the UK too. That's Q-U-I-N-C-E.com/ed.

• 17:03Ed Mylett?

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• 17:47Ed Mylett?

  That's code ED10 at IM8health.com/Ed10. Code ED10 at IM8health.com/Ed10. These statements have not been evaluated by the Food and Drug Administration. This product is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease. And so they ended up leaving about three quarters of the way through our meal. And I remember literally going, I could see other people in the restaurant like, ah, they're gone.

• 18:14Ed Mylett?

  And I had a lot of judgment that I could have had. Anyway, a few days later, something incredible happened. I was at the golf course and I was hitting some balls on the driving range. And the man next to me, I looked up and it was the server from two nights before at the restaurant. And he walks over and says, Mr. Mylett, thank you for such a great experience. You made me feel so good about myself. I'm sorry for the noise level at that table over there. And I go, yeah, it was. And he says, yeah, they, um, they're, they came back from the funeral of their grandmother.

• 18:45Ed Mylett?

  And I went, what? Yeah, they, they had just returned from the, the grandchildren's, their grandmother passed away. And so they had come back from the funeral to have dinner and the kids were pretty wound up. And the wife was very, very sad. It was her mom and the son and the wife had met when they were young. So she was like, like, like his mother too. And I went, oh, wow. And I went, hmm. The old me, I would've judged that family. I would've spent my entire meal obsessed with their inability to parent their kids and the noise and how crazy it was. Yet, I was so grateful, and by the way, I've made this mistake a hundred times, so I'm just telling you the one time I've done it. I did extend grace to them and kindness, because you never know what someone's going through. You never know what battle someone's fighting. You never know what burden they're carrying.

• 19:30Ed Mylett?

  You don't know what someone had just recently done to them. You don't know what they're acting out of. You don't know what pain they're acting out of, or stress they're acting out of, or loss, in this case, they're acting out of. And so, remember that when you go to judge. Remember that when you go to react, that you don't know what that person's carrying. And your ability to be a superhuman has nothing to do with your ability to lift a bunch of weights, or build muscles, or make millions and millions of dollars. Superhuman is a person who treats other humans in a superhuman way, even when they don't appear to be worthy of it or deserve it. That's when you've done something superhuman in your life. So, I wanted to challenge you today to really reflect on where can you be more kind?

• 20:13Ed Mylett?

  What would our world look like if everybody just took a moment and gave their other fellow human beings, their brothers and sisters, just a little bit more grace, a little bit more understanding, a little bit more kindness, and went out of their way to express that to somebody? And what you're gonna find is that when you give someone that gift, you're giving it to you, because now your emotional home becomes equanimity. It becomes peaceful. It becomes blissful. So, what I'm saying to you is, the way I control my internal environment, ironically, is the way that I treat people in my external environment. Not the external environment dictating it to me. I dictate it to the external environment. And so, I just ask you, maybe the next time you walk by a stranger, just say a quick prayer for them.

• 20:58Ed Mylett?

  Peace be with you. I wish you well. I wish you wealth. I wish you health. Just quiet prayers for people, quiet thoughts, quiet kindness, quiet gift of grace. And I think our world will be a whole lot better, but your internal world will be better. Anyway, I wanted to share those stories with you today. I hope you remember this story in the car, and the gentleman that built my kitchen in that house. God bless them. And then, this precious family who had lost their grandmother. Those are three examples of why controlling your emotions matters in the life that you live. Alright, everybody. God bless you. Max out your life.

• 21:33Ed Mylett?

  This is the Ed Myron Show.