Matt McCusker

Matt McCusker joins the show! What a great hang with one of our favorite Philly animals. Settle in for a great episode with one of the top g's in comedy. Be sure to check out Matt on tour. https://mattmccusker.com/ #mattmccusker #andrewsantino #whiskeyginger #mattandshane #podcast ============================================ Sponsor Whiskey Ginger: https://public.liveread.io/media-kit/whiskeyginger SUPPORT OUR SPONSORS SQUARESPACE Get that site up and running now! 10% off your order https://squarespace.com/whiskey BETTER HELP 10% OFF YOUR 1ST MONTH https://betterhelp.com/whiskey PDS DEBT GET YOUR FREE DEBT ANALYSIS http://pdsdebt.com/whiskey BIOPTIMIZERS PROMO CODE: WHISKEY 25% OFF YOUR ORDER http://bioptimizers.com/whiskey ======================================= Follow Andrew Santino: https://www.instagram.com/cheetosantino/ https://twitter.com/CheetoSantino Follow Whiskey Ginger: https://www.instagram.com/whiskeygingerpodcast https://twitter.com/whiskeygingerpodcast Produced and edited by Joe Faria IG: @itsjoefaria Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Speaker names marked ? are inferred from speaking time and the show’s known hosts — they are not voice-verified.

• 0:00Andrew Santino?

  What up whiskey ginger fans, welcome back to the show. If it's your first time joining the show, welcome to the show. Like it, subscribe it, share it with some friends, leave a comment down below for the algo rhythm. Appreciate you. I'm out on tour kiddies. This year is wrapping up, but your boy is touring. Uh, January, I'll be in Chicago. I'm gonna be in Chicago, my hometown. I think it's already sold out, but hey, there's some standby tickets available, hopefully. Uh, and after Chicago, I go to Durham. Come on Durham, North Carolina. Uh, then Atlanta, Charleston, Philly, I'm playing the Met, New York, I'm at the Beacon, so privileged and happy to be there. Uh, Phoenix, I do two shows in San Francisco. San Francisco, we added a late show.

• 0:43Andrew Santino?

  Uh, San Diego, we added another show too. So San Diego, two shows. Boston, it's our fourth show. We got four shows in Boston. Come see your boy. And Minneapolis, I end the tour. Uh, all, uh, four are gonna be available on sale now and we're shooting our special in Minneapolis. Hey, hey, hey. Uh, go to andrewsantino.com for those tickets, andrewsantino.com.

• 1:04Speaker 01

  In here, we pour whiskey, whiskey, whiskey, whiskey, whiskey.

• 1:09Speaker 02

  Oh, that creature in the ginger beard. Sturdy and ginger. Like that, the ginger gene is cursed.

• 1:15Speaker 03

  Gingers are beautiful. You owe me $5 for the whiskey and $75 for the horse.

• 1:21Speaker 04

  Gingers, oh hell no. This whiskey is excellent.

• 1:25Speaker 02

  Ginger. I like gingers.

• 1:28Andrew Santino?

  What supplements your sports? Like, is there a thing that you have?

• 1:31Speaker 05

  I read a lot. I read constantly. I do a lot of writing and reading and stuff.

• 1:35Andrew Santino?

  So on a day when your wife and your kids are like, your wife's like, alright, I'm gonna take the kids, whatever you can have a day to yourself. You're in your, you're in the room reading a book.

• 1:44Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 1:45Andrew Santino?

  What are you reading?

• 1:46Speaker 05

  Um, right now, I'm reading a book called, I'm reading, I always read, I'll read like five books at once and just kinda like jump back and forth between them.

• 1:53Andrew Santino?

  How do you do that, dude?

• 1:54Speaker 05

  I don't know, I just.

• 1:54Andrew Santino?

  Do you ever finish them?

• 1:55Speaker 05

  I do. Sometimes, but not always. If a book loses me, I'll just fucking, there's so many books.

• 2:00Andrew Santino?

  I have so many books that I just never finished. They sit on my desk.

• 2:03Speaker 05

  Dude.

• 2:03Andrew Santino?

  I read half of it and then I get over it and I throw them away.

• 2:06Speaker 05

  Yeah, that's fine. I like watch, honestly, I used to be real like, prideful about like, I have to finish this book. Now I'm like, dude, there's, there's zillions of books in the world.

• 2:13Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, too many books.

• 2:14Speaker 05

  I'm gonna waste my time reading ones I don't like. And then if I start, if it really loses me, I'll be like, or I'll just like chunk it by little by little.

• 2:21Andrew Santino?

  Yeah.

• 2:21Speaker 05

  Read it over like two years.

• 2:22Andrew Santino?

  Have you, have you, have you read a book twice?

• 2:26Speaker 05

  I have, but it's like I've done it before.

• 2:27Andrew Santino?

  This makes me sick for some reason when people do this. I'm like, dude, read it again, dude.

• 2:31Speaker 05

  You do get a whole, you get a whole different thing from it, though.

• 2:34Andrew Santino?

  I'm sure.

• 2:35Speaker 05

  If you give it like three years and read it again, you're like, oh shit, I didn't even, I wasn't even aware of what that part was about.

• 2:40Andrew Santino?

  See, Alzheimer's and dementia runs in my family, so I, and I have bad memory. So I'm kind of prepping for that second half of my life when I'm just reintroduced to everything I used to like. So I'm just putting stuff in my office.

• 2:50Speaker 05

  Just getting ready for it.

• 2:51Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, just prepping. That's my doomsday prep. If I don't remember.

• 2:55Speaker 05

  If I see a movie, after like five years, I can just watch it again. I forget most of the movie anyway.

• 3:01Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, I feel the same way. That's great. My memory's atrocious.

• 3:04Speaker 05

  That's like my whole mom's side is Alzheimer's is like claims everybody.

• 3:07Andrew Santino?

  Hell yeah. Irish?

• 3:08Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 3:09Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, God bless, dude.

• 3:10Speaker 05

  Irish brains are built for like forty-five years maximum, dude.

• 3:14Andrew Santino?

  Dude, these people, I first, these people, I, I, we read, I think we read it on the, on, on Bad one time that, um, when whiskey was invented in Ireland,

• 3:24Andrew Santino?

  for three hundred years, two hundred or three hundred years later, they invented nothing else.

• 3:30Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 3:30Andrew Santino?

  Nothing else.

• 3:31Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 3:31Andrew Santino?

  And then the thing they invented, uh, two hundred years later was road bowling. Is that right? Road bowling? Whiskey was invented in the fourteenth century and then road bowling was in the seventeenth century. There's just a gap. That's amazing, dude. They, they were like, nope, we're just gonna take some time to just drink and talk and hang out.

• 3:48Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 3:49Andrew Santino?

  Sing songs and shit.

• 3:50Speaker 05

  Compile, yeah.

• 3:51Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, but no writing, no, no, no leaps of technology, no like, no social, no social and cultural growth, like, nothing.

• 3:59Speaker 05

  It was just the poets. It was just the poets of Ireland and bars just.

• 4:02Andrew Santino?

  But half of the, half of the poetry from, from like the fifteenth century, it's not, they don't know where it is. It's not exist, they can't even find it. These guys weren't even good at like, saving the shit they made for two hundred years.

• 4:12Speaker 05

  It was just, they had an oral tradition. They just talked.

• 4:14Andrew Santino?

  I know, that's, that is what's kind of amazing that you go there, you hear these like limericks and stories and all that stuff. Have you been to Ireland?

• 4:19Speaker 05

  Once, when I was like fourteen.

• 4:21Andrew Santino?

  And, oh, you'll sit in a bar, we just went again, I've gone a few times, and you'll just sit in a local, uh, a bar and like, They do this thing where they will chat up stories and you'll hear these, you can barely make out what the fuck they're saying.

• 4:31Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 4:32Andrew Santino?

  It's unbelievably tough to hear. And then you'll know other people have heard this before. And you're like, oh my god, this has been circulating in this fucking town for.

• 4:40Speaker 05

  They just take turns.

• 4:41Andrew Santino?

  Hundreds of years.

• 4:42Speaker 05

  Yeah, it's crazy. They just take turns doing like the great heroes.

• 4:44Andrew Santino?

  It's kinda great, dude.

• 4:45Speaker 05

  Yeah, I've read, there was a guy, um, fuck, who was the guy who wrote Angela's ashes? It's Frank McCourt.

• 4:50Andrew Santino?

  McCord.

• 4:50Speaker 05

  Yeah, Frank McCord or whatever. He, uh, he, he didn't publish that book till he was like fifty-five, by the way.

• 4:55Andrew Santino?

  Really?

• 4:56Speaker 05

  Yeah, he was just a teacher. He was a, like a, he taught at like Stuyvesant High School. And eventually when he was like fifty-five, he retired and he was like, I guess I'll write this book. And he wrote it Pulitzer Prize.

• 5:06Andrew Santino?

  That's amazing.

• 5:07Speaker 05

  Yeah, he just wrote a memo, he wrote two memoirs, but he talks about that a lot, about like growing up in Ireland and just like, dudes, you're just ripping just stories about the great heroes. Kukuland was like the great Irish hero.

• 5:17Andrew Santino?

  Uh huh.

• 5:17Speaker 05

  And you're like, dad would get drunk and just sing about the Irish heroes. And you'd be like, fuck it, that's rules. And they would just leave their family.

• 5:23Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, dude. As he's singing when he goes out the door, what a like a beautiful memory. Hand the heroes a nango, just off in the fucking hills.

• 5:32Speaker 05

  You're like, damn, that guy ruled. I wonder where he is.

• 5:33Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, where is my dad now? Your parents are still together, right? You grew up in a solid home.

• 5:38Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 5:38Andrew Santino?

  What a good guy, dude.

• 5:39Speaker 05

  Irish Catholic. Six kids.

• 5:41Andrew Santino?

  But do they stay together for the kids or they're still, they're still, you think they're still in love?

• 5:45Speaker 05

  Uh, my dad was pretty, he would always just be like, dude, we can't, there's nothing we can do. We have six kids. What am I gonna date somebody with six kids? He's like.

• 5:53Andrew Santino?

  I can't, uh.

• 5:54Speaker 05

  He's pumped on it though. He's always said, he's like, if it wasn't for your mom, I'd be dead, which is I think true.

• 5:58Andrew Santino?

  Probably true, yeah.

• 5:59Speaker 05

  Healthwise, that was absolutely true. But yeah, for them, it's just, I think it was just kind of like, I don't know, it was just like, dude, we have six kids. We're now like, you know, now they're like in their, uh, middle, late sixties, but it's like, yeah, he's like, what am I gonna get divorced and get a girlfriend? He's like, I have six children.

• 6:14Andrew Santino?

  Such a loser look, too.

• 6:16Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 6:17Andrew Santino?

  The guy who gets that girlfriend at like sixty-eight.

• 6:19Speaker 05

  Exactly.

• 6:19Andrew Santino?

  Just kill yourself, dude. It's over then.

• 6:21Speaker 05

  It is funny, cause she's still like tortures him. Like all day long, she's like, we gotta cut the grass. And it's like, dude, you guys just get someone to cut the grass.

• 6:28Andrew Santino?

  Yeah.

• 6:28Speaker 05

  They'll be out, they'll stay out all day together and like cut thorns off a fence.

• 6:32Andrew Santino?

  My dad, my parents do that shit too.

• 6:34Speaker 05

  It's weird.

• 6:34Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, what for?

• 6:35Speaker 05

  It's kink. I think it's kink.

• 6:36Andrew Santino?

  It's kink, dude. That's how they get off now. Complaining.

• 6:41Speaker 05

  They'll put in like an eight hour landscaping day at like sixty-five, like in the fucking rain.

• 6:45Andrew Santino?

  That shit is hot.

• 6:46Speaker 05

  It's crazy.

• 6:47Andrew Santino?

  That's hot as fuck.

• 6:48Speaker 05

  It is kind of hot. Just come down and just pass out.

• 6:50Andrew Santino?

  An erotic novel about just fighting in the yard all day, dude. That's my, like every time my dad, he's so stubborn, I, I always tell him to, um, like there's kids in the neighborhood when it snows, you know, to just, that'll come around and do your driveway and shit. Nah.

• 7:03Speaker 05

  Yeah, not happening.

• 7:04Andrew Santino?

  It's not even money. It's, it's not like, uh, it's not like they're tight, you can't afford anything. But, no dude, it's like, he's fine. It's like, dude, pay that kid to shovel your shit and come every day and clean up. There's ice. When I see my dad, like, running down the driveway, the icy ass driveway, I'm like, this is how it ends. You slip, you bust your head open, and mom finds you four hours later.

• 7:25Speaker 05

  They don't care.

• 7:26Andrew Santino?

  Nah, it's kinda.

• 7:27Speaker 05

  They don't care. My, my, that's, he won't retire. He's still working.

• 7:30Andrew Santino?

  What does he do?

• 7:31Speaker 05

  Demolition.

• 7:32Andrew Santino?

  Oh, that's right.

• 7:32Speaker 05

  And he's like, we're gonna carry these buckets of stone up a sta- I'm like, what the fuck are you doing? Like, dude, you have Guatemalan guys working with you. It's like, have them.

• 7:40Andrew Santino?

  They'll do it.

• 7:41Speaker 05

  Hey, and dude, they're happy to do it. It's like, he's like, right, he's right behind them, just like, fuck, this is breaking my ass. I'm like, dude, you're sixty-five, stop.

• 7:47Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, give it up.

• 7:48Speaker 05

  Knock it off. But his, his big thing, that's always, always been, he's like, I, dude, I love going to work. I love getting the hell out of here. He's like, I just, every time I, I can get out of here, I wanna get out of here. He used to tell me not to have kids. He's like, don't have kids.

• 7:59Andrew Santino?

  Shit, he fucked that up.

• 8:00Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 8:02Andrew Santino?

  Are you gonna do that again or no? Two and done?

• 8:05Speaker 05

  Uh, I, I'm done. But my, my wife kinda wants one more.

• 8:09Andrew Santino?

  Yeah.

• 8:10Speaker 05

  But I'm kinda like.

• 8:10Andrew Santino?

  Three is a cool number.

• 8:12Speaker 05

  Three's cool, but it's like, dude, it's so much work. It's like, you wanna reset, we're finally getting out of diapers. And it's like, you wanna reset the clock?

• 8:18Andrew Santino?

  Go back to diapers again. Just shit everywhere.

• 8:20Speaker 05

  It's for real, like, and I can only, my oldest is four, but it's like, the first three years, you have to sit there and watch him like intensively. And it's like resetting, it's just again, just imagine three years, you're just done doing a job.

• 8:33Andrew Santino?

  Doing it again.

• 8:34Speaker 05

  Of like, it's like ninety hours a week and you're like, alright, I'm done this and like, let's start it over. It's like, why?

• 8:39Andrew Santino?

  But if she can handle it, you can handle it?

• 8:42Speaker 05

  Yeah, I'd be fine with that.

• 8:43Andrew Santino?

  If she's like, we'll do it, I should do it.

• 8:44Speaker 05

  You can't not give, if a woman wants a child and you refuse her, it's, you're dealing with like the female animal at that point.

• 8:49Andrew Santino?

  They stone you in the streets, you know, right? They fucking, that's sacrifice, town sacrifice.

• 8:54Speaker 05

  It's weak, it's weak to be like, if a woman wants a child and she wants to be pregnant and you're like, no, I'm not gonna let you do that, it's, she'll hate you.

• 9:00Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, that's it.

• 9:01Speaker 05

  Cause it's like, that's like their animal instinct to go like, get pregnant again. If you're blocking that, it'll, it'll just be terrible.

• 9:06Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, you gotta give it to them. Well, I mean, like, a lot of my friends now have, they're all snipped. A lot of guys I know that they had one or two and they're done.

• 9:13Speaker 05

  I won't get snipped, ever.

• 9:15Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, see, I don't know, I just, I'm scared of the idea of it for some reason.

• 9:18Speaker 05

  I am too, man, that's like your-

• 9:19Andrew Santino?

  I don't know why I'm a pussy about it, but I know it's just, I don't want it. I don't want to cut my nuts.

• 9:22Speaker 05

  I'm not doing, it's like, that's your, you know, I don't know, A, I don't know where it goes. It's like, that's my life force. That's, you know, that's my semen moving through my body. I don't wanna divert that cycle. And I always tell my wife, like, it keeps me honest.

• 9:34Andrew Santino?

  Right, right, right.

• 9:35Speaker 05

  I gotta be, I gotta be locked and loaded. I can't be out here firing blanks, dude.

• 9:42Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, it keeps you real. Then you know, then you know you're real. Well, you just, you know, it's so funny, when I was young, my gun was strong. I could, I, you could shoot really far.

• 9:51Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 9:53Andrew Santino?

  No, just, it's not the same at the range, you know what I mean?

• 9:55Speaker 05

  It's not at all.

• 9:56Andrew Santino?

  It's not, it's a bummer.

• 9:57Speaker 05

  Remember my, so my friend is like, I think he's like forty-two maybe, and he was telling me about it, cause he was in his late thirties and I was in like my, you know, whatever, like my late twenties, whatever it was, or early thirties. And he, uh, he was like, yeah dude, you're not gonna be just like ripping them over your shoulder. I was like, speak for yourself. Now, like, yeah, thirty-eight, you get, you get kinda like the weak volcano and you're like, fuck.

• 10:18Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, it just makes it there.

• 10:20Speaker 05

  I'll still, I can still rip every now and again, but not like, I used to go over, I could go over the head.

• 10:25Andrew Santino?

  Oh man, dude, I used to measure it. I was like, this is incredible, dude. I kind of, you know how you like mark on the wall your height as you get older? I wanted to mark the distance on the floor? I used to love that, but now, no dude, now it's like, it feels like when we were on the road. And when you're going up a hill, you know, look dude, if you're, if you're, I'm 200 pounds. Like, at a certain weight, those scooters, you know, those like Lime scooters? You hit a hill and those things are like, and they letting you know, like, you're not, this is for teenagers, dude.

• 10:54Speaker 05

  I'll push, I have no pride.

• 10:55Andrew Santino?

  I do, dude, I have to, I have to, I'll have to get off and, yeah. Push like I'm on a skateboard again. But it makes me sad, that's, that's what it feels like, my shots, like, it's like barely getting there, but I can hear it. I can hear it dying.

• 11:09Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 11:10Andrew Santino?

  It's actually embarrassing as fuck when we were on those things and Bobby is, Bobby's tiny, right? He's a short guy. So he's round, but he doesn't weigh much.

• 11:19Speaker 05

  Really?

• 11:19Andrew Santino?

  Like, yeah, it's just, I mean, he like, it looks like it, but he really doesn't, because he's small. So he's probably, what is he, 5'6"? Isn't that what we said? 5'6"? Or something? He's like 5'3". 5'4"?

• 11:27Speaker 05

  Is he really?

• 11:28Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, he's tiny. His shape is very aerodynamic as well.

• 11:31Speaker 05

  True, he's caught in the air.

• 11:32Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, we're thinking about putting carbon fiber on him so he can move faster through the day.

• 11:37Speaker 05

  I thought it sucked, so yours was chugging up the hill and he was just.

• 11:40Andrew Santino?

  He flew, dude. He absolutely flew up the hill. He had no problem whatsoever. And he's on one now because he's on, um, uh, no, no, he's on the one, it's on Wegovy, he's on.

• 11:51Speaker 05

  One of the other ones?

• 11:52Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, he's on like the alternative, because Ozempic made him crazy sick.

• 11:55Speaker 05

  Really?

• 11:56Andrew Santino?

  Crazy sick. Well dude, we posted about it, we were shooting a promo video and he vomited. I'll show you the video. I mean, dude, it's comical how, he vomits legitimately for like a full 30 seconds. It keeps coming up. It's crazy, dude. It looks like, it looks like a horror film. It looks fake. And then after that, he was like, I can't do this anymore. I was like, good, because I don't want him to be on, I didn't want him to be on. Like, we talked about health shit right before this.

• 12:19Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 12:20Andrew Santino?

  I was like, dude, the more pills, the more stuff you're injecting, I just, it gets me shaky. I'm like, dude, just try your best. In your, in your regular life to just get a little bit of exercise, eat a little bit better, try to level yourself out naturally. He's like, fuck that.

• 12:34Speaker 05

  Yeah, let me just take the minute. I feel like that's a big difference between people. I'm like, I want to try everything I can the natural way.

• 12:41Andrew Santino?

  Me too, yeah.

• 12:41Speaker 05

  That's just how I am, but I know people who are like, fuck that, bam bam, pill, and they're out the door. And it's like, I just get freaked out about that.

• 12:47Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, I'm also, maybe I'm a little bit of a pussy. Like, I've had a back issue for years and I go through these cycles of like, I beat it and then it flares up and then it gets bad again. Then I beat it, but every time I've had, a ton of people, just, just go get, go get the, go get surgery.

• 13:01Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 13:02Andrew Santino?

  God, I can't do it. I just can't do it. I don't know. I'm gonna try to keep fighting it until, until.

• 13:07Speaker 05

  Back pain's like emotional. Like, if I, my back is fucked up, I get like sad.

• 13:11Andrew Santino?

  Oh dude, I am, yeah.

• 13:12Speaker 05

  It sucks.

• 13:12Andrew Santino?

  I'm the most depressed.

• 13:13Speaker 05

  Such a piece of shit, my fucking back hurts. Like, if my leg or knee hurts, I'm like, ah, whatever. My, whenever I had like back pain, I don't know what the fuck it does to you, but I just be get, I get so sad.

• 13:22Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, I think it's, well, it's also like your central nervous system. Everything is attached through your spinal column, so.

• 13:27Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 13:28Andrew Santino?

  It's, it, it does, not only does it cause physical pains other places that they say are partially mental, you know? But then it does get in your brain. You think, this means I'm breaking down. This means I will die sooner.

• 13:42Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 13:42Andrew Santino?

  Like, this means I won't be as active or useful. It does the animal thing where you're like, oh, you have to go in the woods and die alone. You should go lay down alone under the trees, dude. It's time to go.

• 13:52Speaker 05

  Try to pick up a bag of ice and you're like, oh, I just want to kill myself.

• 13:57Andrew Santino?

  And then your wife is being sweet and she's like, babe, babe. And you're like, just come on, don't. I don't want to be that, I'm already embarrassed. I don't want to be embarrassed twice.

• 14:05Speaker 05

  Well, back pain is weird because it's like, if your knee hurts, you gotta like rest it. You can't rest your back.

• 14:09Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, no.

• 14:10Speaker 05

  It's like the opposite. You have to like, work through it and then make your, I don't know what it is.

• 14:14Andrew Santino?

  Well, I do, I do, I do physical therapy. I did sports, sports therapy, like, uh, and then I did physical therapy and now I, I still do physical therapy. And then I'd go to. These stretch lab classes.

• 14:23Speaker 05

  How do you like the stretch lab?

• 14:24Andrew Santino?

  I fucking love it.

• 14:25Speaker 05

  Is it nice?

• 14:26Andrew Santino?

  Dude, I love it. I got this fucking young, good-looking, fucking, half-Asian kid who's just gor- I mean, a gorgeous dude. He's jacked as fuck. And he just, he like folds me up in these fucking positions and he like, he makes me try to be more of a man. Do you know what I mean? Where I'm like, cause he looks like a tough-

• 14:46Speaker 05

  I'm trying to follow this. I'm like, he's just a hot, beautiful Asian man.

• 14:49Andrew Santino?

  Beautiful Asian man.

• 14:50Speaker 05

  That I could see. I could see wanting to get, if I wanted to get limber for one person, it would be a beautiful Asian man.

• 14:54Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, who else?

• 14:55Speaker 05

  That makes sense. Now I see, I see what you're saying. I see exactly what you're saying.

• 14:58Andrew Santino?

  But he like, he's such like a tough dude that I don't want to puss out in front of him. So when he stretches me, I'll just go with it.

• 15:05Speaker 05

  Dude, this is such a hard pause.

• 15:08Speaker 05

  But no, I, I totally agree. I'm gonna be mature about this. I, uh-

• 15:11Andrew Santino?

  No, don't, don't, don't. Go the other way, dude.

• 15:12Speaker 05

  This stretches me out, dude. I just want to please him.

• 15:18Speaker 05

  No, but I would feel ashamed if there was one group of people watching me be inflexible. If it was a beautiful Asian man, I'd be like, fuck.

• 15:23Andrew Santino?

  That's the one.

• 15:24Speaker 05

  Yeah, cause if it's like a white guy, I'm like, yeah, we're both inflexible and it's just, we're like, fuck, our necks hurt.

• 15:29Andrew Santino?

  White guys have no flexibility whatsoever. Yeah, we're the stiffest, we're the stiffest of the breeds.

• 15:33Speaker 05

  You're the stiffest.

• 15:35Andrew Santino?

  We're the stiffest of the breeds. The Asians, if we've, if we know anything about them, these cats are flexible. He just does it. He'll, he'll push me to a place where he'll go, this hurts. I'm sure this hurts. And I'm in fucking crazy pain.

• 15:48Speaker 05

  Really?

• 15:48Andrew Santino?

  But he's just like, just, just, just let it, let it, let it, let it hurt. It's okay. Like, you'll get through it. And then when I'm done, you, I feel like I achieved something. Like I beat the pain. It's almost like when people, I don't have tattoos. My friends have like cra- when they get tattoos in places that they tell me it's so sensitive, it's almost like, I'm gonna beat the pain. A hundred percent, I'll beat the pain.

• 16:06Speaker 05

  That's, that is tight to be like, have you ever tried the stretch lab pussy to try?

• 16:11Speaker 05

  I think stretching, stretching rules, man. I wanna get like, I'm, I, I let myself get super tight. I'm trying to get flexible. And I've, I've heard that like, every day as you get older, there's like, I don't know if it's fascia or something, just tightens more.

• 16:22Andrew Santino?

  Yeah.

• 16:23Speaker 05

  And tightens more and you have to like break that stuff up every day, or else you just become like shriveled up.

• 16:28Andrew Santino?

  Well, look at your parents, look at our parents. I mean, I see like how my dad walks around the house. It bums me out. And I grew up playing sports with my dad, like, my dad was our basketball coach and my dad loved to hoop. And then at some point, he, he like, was like, I can't.

• 16:42Speaker 05

  They get old. One day you see them and you're like, huh. They just kind of are hunched and you're like, when the fuck did you become old?

• 16:48Andrew Santino?

  He's like, I, I, when you left, that's when I got, yeah. It's like when we left the house, that's when their body just withered away.

• 16:54Speaker 05

  That makes sense though, to finally just be like, ugh. I would love to let my back curl forward and just be like, I'm done.

• 17:01Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, well, you'll have this experience, right? When your kids get old enough, like, you'll, you'll get to let go at some point.

• 17:06Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 17:06Andrew Santino?

  When they're old enough.

• 17:07Speaker 05

  They probably do just stop for like, six weeks and just sit there like, ugh. It's dude, having kids is like, non-stop bullshit.

• 17:14Andrew Santino?

  Constant.

• 17:14Speaker 05

  Non-stop, dude.

• 17:16Andrew Santino?

  Do they, you travel with your family or no?

• 17:17Speaker 05

  Not always. If I have a lot of, like, shows back to back, then I'll like, bring them out. If it's like, like, I try to keep them in the same time zone, because it like, just whacks them out.

• 17:26Andrew Santino?

  Dude.

• 17:26Speaker 05

  Um, so I do it every now and again, but it's, it's a lot, dude. Like, I'm out doing shows till like, 12, get back, my kids hear from the time zone, wake up at like, 6 a.m. So then they wake me up, so I'm like.

• 17:36Andrew Santino?

  So you're, you're on no sleep?

• 17:38Speaker 05

  Yeah, little, very little. I'll crush a nap later today, but.

• 17:40Andrew Santino?

  But tonight you'll get good sleep because you're, you're solo before you go home?

• 17:42Speaker 05

  Solo, it's dude, it's crazy to like, the free time you have before you have kids. You don't realize it until you lose all of it. And then like, you, I like, get a hotel to myself doing stand-up and it's like, it's heaven.

• 17:54Andrew Santino?

  What's that day like at the hotel by yourself?

• 17:56Speaker 05

  I mean, obviously it's drop the bags and beat off, that's.

• 17:58Andrew Santino?

  Hundred percent, yeah, as you must.

• 18:00Speaker 05

  Yeah, that's like, you drop the bags, I'm, I'm like, salivating.

• 18:02Andrew Santino?

  You look right at the bed and you're like, get over here.

• 18:07Speaker 05

  Just on top of the covers. Yeah, it's, it's that, obviously. I try, I've been like, I have this like, whole fantasy where like, I'll make it through a whole weekend without beating off.

• 18:14Andrew Santino?

  Impossible.

• 18:16Speaker 05

  It is. It's truly impossible and it's like, I'm gonna stop, just like, because I like, really was giving myself a hard time about it. I'm like, dude, you should be able to do this.

• 18:22Andrew Santino?

  Wait, why? What's the point, what's the stuff?

• 18:23Speaker 05

  I don't know, it's just a mental challenge. It's like, I don't need to do that and then like.

• 18:26Andrew Santino?

  You do.

• 18:27Speaker 05

  But I'm like, I do, exactly. Like, I do.

• 18:30Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, your bio, your biology makes you.

• 18:32Speaker 05

  It does.

• 18:33Andrew Santino?

  It has to get it, it has to go away and get out.

• 18:35Speaker 05

  It has to. You do, you gotta get that out as soon as you get in the hotel room.

• 18:38Andrew Santino?

  A hundred percent.

• 18:38Speaker 05

  Cause you don't wanna be rolling around. I've, I've went through this whole thing where like dude, when like no fap came out. I like bought in. I'm like, this is a cool idea. And it's like, it's a bad idea.

• 18:46Andrew Santino?

  Terrible.

• 18:47Speaker 05

  You can't not come. Everyone thinks you can just hold it in for like 200 days.

• 18:51Andrew Santino?

  No.

• 18:52Speaker 05

  It alters your person. I've, I've only made it like, I think nine days. But I know people who did like, like 90 days. I know one guy, I think he did about 200 something.

• 19:01Andrew Santino?

  200 days?

• 19:02Speaker 05

  Yeah, dude.

• 19:03Andrew Santino?

  So, but there has to be some sort of regression. Something happens chemically, right? There's gotta be something that happens in a chemical way. That affects your, your brain negatively to not come.

• 19:14Speaker 05

  I would think so. Cause I've only made it, well, they say at first, they do say people get like clarity. Cause I think like your testosterone.

• 19:21Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, like that Seinfeld episode when he get like George is a genius. Cause he hasn't jerked off. You know that?

• 19:26Speaker 05

  I didn't see that.

• 19:27Andrew Santino?

  Like that, it was the, where they tried to hold out to see. They tried, they, they made a bet to see who couldn't, who could hold out to see how long they'd come. And George was like, his mental clarity was like through the roof. Cause he wasn't trying to fuck. What is it? Is there any sort of regression? I feel like.

• 19:41Speaker 05

  You become weird. I do think you become weird.

• 19:43Andrew Santino?

  Well, weird. So it starts with, you become stronger in your own, like, in your own self conviction. And then you get a little agitated. You probably get a little like socially uncomfortable. Cause you're annoyed. And then you get into building bombs in the woods.

• 19:58Speaker 05

  Yeah, I think there's a.

• 19:59Andrew Santino?

  You get into like that, the ladder drop. It's all, it's all individual, but it says, yeah, it just leads to feelings of frustration, anxiety, or guilt. See, I bet you, I bet you the, that's what I mean. Like I bet you those, um, the anxious depressive, like those kinda chemicals. Are spiked through the roof. Cause your body has to think, I'm either dying or like I'm, this is like, something's wrong.

• 20:22Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 20:22Andrew Santino?

  So then it's just an internal self spiral of like. The world is against me and I'm in a

• 20:28Speaker 05

  From my experience, again, I've only, I'd only make it like, you know.

• 20:31Andrew Santino?

  Nine days is nothing.

• 20:32Speaker 05

  Nine days was, for me, that was crazy.

• 20:34Andrew Santino?

  But I mean, I can do, I can do a week. I can do a full week.

• 20:37Speaker 05

  Yeah, now, I did this years ago, too. Now I could do a week easy, but it's like, this was like years, this was like my late twenties.

• 20:42Andrew Santino?

  Oh, no, that's insane.

• 20:44Speaker 05

  Dude, nine days, I would like, my heart would be pounding really hard. It was crazy.

• 20:47Andrew Santino?

  Like dude, my teeth hurt for some reason, man. I don't know what the fuck is going on, dude. I'm really confused.

• 20:51Speaker 05

  I know a dude who did, uh, my friend Egan did, I think it was like 260, something crazy.

• 20:56Andrew Santino?

  Wow.

• 20:57Speaker 05

  And

• 20:57Andrew Santino?

  In his twenties or in his thirties?

• 20:59Speaker 05

  He's like a younger guy.

• 21:00Andrew Santino?

  Wow, dude.

• 21:00Speaker 05

  And it's just, but at one point, like, you're, you're only, you're just building up a bigger nut, like, you're, you know what I'm saying? Like, you're gonna be like, I'm being like chased and pure. It was like, no, you're not. It's just a fetish.

• 21:10Andrew Santino?

  Yeah.

• 21:10Speaker 05

  And you're building up the ultimate nut, and then you're just like, and I think he was saying, he like walked by a wishy-washy and just on instinct walked in, got jerked. And he was like, why did I, this defeated the whole purpose.

• 21:21Andrew Santino?

  Yeah.

• 21:22Speaker 05

  He just geysered in a wishy-washy, it was just like.

• 21:24Andrew Santino?

  That's probably exactly where it should end. That's, that is the finish line.

• 21:28Speaker 05

  You just gotta take it to a professional. If you're like 290 days in, yeah, you gotta.

• 21:31Andrew Santino?

  You don't want an amateur to fucking do that.

• 21:33Speaker 05

  I've like talked to people, like, it like hurts when you hold it in that long.

• 21:35Andrew Santino?

  Oh, for sure.

• 21:36Speaker 05

  Like, I know people who have done that without warning and had like a girl there with, just unleash it, and their, their girl's like, what the fuck was this? They just touch you and you're like, ahhhh.

• 21:47Andrew Santino?

  Put it away, dude. That's dangerous at some point.

• 21:49Speaker 05

  It was a thing, I was like, maybe this is the answer. I'm like, it's not the answer.

• 21:52Andrew Santino?

  No, you can't hold it out.

• 21:53Speaker 05

  You can't negate, you cannot negate like your, you know, base instincts. They'll completely take over.

• 21:58Andrew Santino?

  So, once you clean, once you clean the pipes out in the hotel, are you sitting and reading by yourself now before you do shows? Are you, do you work out? Do you go out?

• 22:05Speaker 05

  Oh, so it's like, it's on, I have like my good days and bad days. A good day, yes, I like, I'll work out or I'll fap, hit a nap. Usually when I get there, it's usually a fap nap. I'll fap, nap.

• 22:14Andrew Santino?

  Love a fap nap.

• 22:15Speaker 05

  Beautiful. And then I wake, if I have time, I work out. That's like ideally, a lot of the times, I will just stare at my phone and watch like. Guys in grocery stores making black guys freak out. Did you ever see those videos? Where the guy, where the guy, I think he's like the south side of Chicago. Uh, just like handing black guys like rainbow stickers with their purchases and they just go ballistic.

• 22:35Andrew Santino?

  There's a guy-

• 22:36Speaker 05

  Hours of it. I can't stop watching.

• 22:37Andrew Santino?

  Dude in a gas station. There's a dude that trolls in a gas station that's like in the hood.

• 22:41Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 22:42Andrew Santino?

  And he's like, "Okay, beautiful."

• 22:43Speaker 05

  Yes, that guy.

• 22:44Andrew Santino?

  And he's like, "What the fuck you say?" But he's behind like nine layers of bulletproof glass.

• 22:47Speaker 05

  Dude, now he's out, he's behind, he's out of the glass now.

• 22:49Andrew Santino?

  See, that guy's a lunatic. Get back.

• 22:51Speaker 05

  It's the same guy. I think we're thinking the same guy. He's out of the box. And he's attaching rainbow balloons to people's backs while they're not looking.

• 22:57Andrew Santino?

  Nope.

• 22:58Speaker 05

  But he does have a black guy working with him now.

• 23:00Andrew Santino?

  Oh, you're good then.

• 23:01Speaker 05

  Yeah. And he also, he boxed a guy too.

• 23:03Andrew Santino?

  Oh, he did?

• 23:03Speaker 05

  He came out from behind the glass and was like, "I got boxing gloves, let's settle it." And he like whooped the guy's ass.

• 23:07Andrew Santino?

  Fuck.

• 23:08Speaker 05

  He's gonna, he's gotta stop. It's not worth the views, dude.

• 23:11Andrew Santino?

  He's 100% gonna get killed. Yeah. But also, I mean, the clicks are great right now, dude. Keep it rolling, man.

• 23:15Speaker 05

  Dude, it's so funny just hitting a 40-year-old black guy with a pink lighter and having them be like, "What the fuck? Hell no. Hell no." They all smash the chips and walk out. It's, it's pretty great.

• 23:25Andrew Santino?

  What's, what's interesting about that dynamic that I always see when he's fucking with these guys? That they don't just steal the shit from him.

• 23:31Speaker 05

  Some do. Some snag like seven funnies.

• 23:33Andrew Santino?

  Cause I've seen him, cause I've seen him like he, he goes to handbag change. I've seen he tries to rub their hands. And they fucking lose it, dude. When he touches their hands, they're like, "Nah, nah, nah. Nah, nah, nah, nah." They, dude, their whole world collapses for a moment. Like their entire masculine identity is like, "No, no way. No guys are supposed to touch my fucking hands, dude."

• 23:54Speaker 05

  It's, dude, it's so, it's unbelievable.

• 23:56Andrew Santino?

  Those are great videos, though.

• 23:57Speaker 05

  Dude, the reaction is for real. They, it's like, you know, cause if you took like a six, like our dads, if you did it as my dad, he'd be like, "What the fu-" He'd be almost as mad, but it's not even-

• 24:07Andrew Santino?

  He just, well, he can't, doesn't know how to get there anymore because dads are like so shocked that something so dumb would happen to them.

• 24:11Speaker 05

  Yep.

• 24:12Andrew Santino?

  That they're like, "What?"

• 24:12Speaker 05

  There's another-

• 24:13Andrew Santino?

  What is that?

• 24:14Speaker 05

  There's another guy, this is like my favorite content. There's another guy called Everyone Loves Juan. And he goes around Walmarts and he'll just go to like old men and be like, "Hey, beautiful." And they'll be like, "What?" And they get like, dude, they, they do, their souls leave their body for a second. They're just like-

• 24:29Speaker 05

  Oh, get the hell out of here. And they like, they get like flustered. It's really funny.

• 24:31Andrew Santino?

  I think I've seen one of these though where he'll sometimes say it enough to where a guy almost flips where he's like, alright. And the guy's like, have a good day. And he's like, okay. Like they're, they don't know how to receive it.

• 24:42Speaker 05

  They get shy. They get like weirdly shy and boyish. And you're like, what the fuck?

• 24:48Andrew Santino?

  I like, I like, uh, there's one, we were watching that video. He goes up to cops, cause you know how these like, you know, these like, uh, civil warriors now, they like go around and they like record, I watch these guys.

• 24:58Speaker 05

  Yeah, yeah.

• 24:58Andrew Santino?

  They record just a pic. They're like, I'm in a public space. I'm in a public space and you can't tell me to get out. Like this guy's so annoying. I love him, dude. And he's like, get your, get your fucking supervisor. Get your fucking supervisor. Look at how dumb you look right now. And the cops are so fucking mad. And the whole time like, dude, I want to beat this guy so bad. I want to beat the living. And there's, there's a dude now who took that in a more clever way. He goes up to cops, he goes, name and badge number. And then it was like, Diaz, forty-eight, sixty-two. And he's like, good girl. Have you seen that guy?

• 25:25Speaker 05

  No, no.

• 25:26Andrew Santino?

  Dude, it's so good. We're at Coney, right, Joe? We were dying. He goes, that's a good girl. And the cop goes, what? And he goes, that's a good girl. And the cop is so confused that he smiles a little bit. He's like, what? It's great. It's so good. That's where the corners of the internet are just so delicious. They're unbeatable.

• 25:46Speaker 05

  Do you ever get when people pull cops over as citizens? And they're like, I can legally pull you over. You must stop and answer. It's the same thing. Badge number. The cop's like, you know, you're not pulling me over. I'll pull you over. It's, it's so funny.

• 25:57Andrew Santino?

  Those guys, these civil, what are they called? They're like, I don't know. There's a name for them. They're like these, um, these like civil vigilantes or whatever. But there's a collection of them now. And they all post the exact same content. They go to like, uh, any, any government building. And because it's public access and you, and the, and the records are public access. Which of course, like, I'm glad it is public, but none of us would ever use that. And that, it's one of those things where you're like, I don't, why would I need to, I'm not gonna, I'm not building a case.

• 26:24Speaker 05

  It's like, show me the deed of my neighbor's property. And they're like, what are you doing?

• 26:28Andrew Santino?

  I want to see the line. I'd like to see the line now.

• 26:30Speaker 06

  We did that in high school and look at what our teachers had, like conviction wise. You can find all that online.

• 26:35Speaker 05

  Really?

• 26:35Andrew Santino?

  See, but this is a generation thing. He's twenty-five.

• 26:37Speaker 05

  That's nice.

• 26:38Speaker 06

  Like, uh, like Coke, other stuff.

• 26:41Andrew Santino?

  But you're young. See, for us, that we, that's so, it's funny, cause our teachers, the only time we ever heard about a teacher getting clipped for something was like years after we graduated.

• 26:50Speaker 05

  Exactly.

• 26:50Andrew Santino?

  Like, uh, my buddies. My buddies, his ex-girlfriend's dad, his girlfriend in high school, he taught at the school. And he was a shop teacher. He was either shop or he was, um, yeah, no, he was a shop teacher. And years later, we saw in the paper, he got busted for a prostitution ring. He was like organizing, young, young.

• 27:14Speaker 05

  Oh, he was running it?

• 27:15Andrew Santino?

  He was running it.

• 27:16Speaker 05

  I thought he was just like johnin' out in his car.

• 27:17Andrew Santino?

  No, no, no, no.

• 27:18Speaker 05

  They used to put that in the papers.

• 27:19Andrew Santino?

  Well, he was usually for sure. I mean, he was in on the game. But he would, he would literally, he had like a ring of like twenty something year old prostitutes. Yeah, it was kind of incredible because you see this guy and you're like, no way. He was like a.

• 27:30Speaker 05

  He was pimpin'.

• 27:31Andrew Santino?

  Pimpin', dude? The shop teacher was a pimp, dude?

• 27:33Speaker 05

  What?

• 27:34Andrew Santino?

  You would have never guessed. He was a nerdy little short guy, glasses, like, uh, just like an automotive genius. I could hand build an engine, like, super smart, quiet.

• 27:42Speaker 05

  What the fuck?

• 27:42Andrew Santino?

  You're like, if anything, they're gonna find stuff on his hard drive. You didn't think he would be a.

• 27:46Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 27:46Andrew Santino?

  You know what I mean? You're like, he's an internal creep. He's not an expert.

• 27:48Speaker 05

  That's also a very like specific function in the underworld. That's like a, like it takes a real like specific kind of dude to like manage a bunch of prostitutes.

• 27:56Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, Marvel reached out. They want to make him a villain for their next movie. They're like, dude, this is perfect. Automotive creep?

• 28:01Speaker 05

  That's strong, too. That's a strong pimp hand. To have like a guy, a shop teacher all day, just like tinkering on gears and just being like, bitch.

• 28:09Speaker 05

  These kids are stressing me out enough. I don't need you fucking around.

• 28:12Andrew Santino?

  That is the next DC Marvel Universe of like, uh, they're gonna run out of like spins, so it'll just be real stories that they can just kind of like, kind of make animated and this shop teacher who fucking, who's a pimp, he's got strong hands.

• 28:26Speaker 05

  That's a great story, though.

• 28:27Andrew Santino?

  In and out of the shop, yeah.

• 28:29Speaker 05

  For sure, dude.

• 28:30Andrew Santino?

  Pimp game strong. It's just, and it's got oil dripping down his hand.

• 28:33Speaker 05

  Yeah, man.

• 28:34Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, it's a wild story, but he was, he was, like, all, those kind of things we heard, like little, like little creepy, like a teacher got in trouble for whatever, whatever. Nothing like, nothing illegal and disgusting. Uh, you know what I mean? Nothing like kid stuff. It was always like.

• 28:47Speaker 05

  That's where, you always assume it's like they're molesting kids. So pimpin', it's kind of like, alright.

• 28:51Andrew Santino?

  It's kind of tight.

• 28:52Speaker 05

  I can work with that.

• 28:53Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, it's legal. Let him do it, dude. He's just organizing. He's running a business.

• 28:57Speaker 05

  So he might have just been like deep in the hooker game and then started like being the plug for all of his friends.

• 29:01Andrew Santino?

  Hundred percent. That, I mean. You know what it was is like, he obviously knew a girl, right?

• 29:05Speaker 05

  Yes.

• 29:06Andrew Santino?

  He obviously had one girl.

• 29:07Speaker 05

  Bottom bitch.

• 29:08Andrew Santino?

  Bottom bitch. Bottom bitch, main bitch. And she had a couple of friends that were like, hey, didn't you and any of your lonely fifty something year old friends?

• 29:16Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 29:16Andrew Santino?

  Need some, some company and they're, and he's like, yeah dude, my wife is dead. I'm sad as fuck.

• 29:21Speaker 05

  For sure, yeah.

• 29:22Andrew Santino?

  Go get some of your friends for some of my lame friends. We're making, we're making twenty four grand a year and we will spend all of it on you. It'll all go to you guys.

• 29:30Speaker 05

  That's a good book to read is Iceberg Slim's autobiography.

• 29:33Andrew Santino?

  Someone else had said this.

• 29:34Speaker 05

  Dude.

• 29:34Andrew Santino?

  Someone said this to us.

• 29:36Speaker 05

  It's amazing.

• 29:37Andrew Santino?

  Yeah.

• 29:37Speaker 05

  Cause especially like back, I think that was, I don't know when it was, maybe the fifties or sixties, but he, uh, yeah, you would like pimping's a real weird thing to get into, cause you have to like find women that are just in like horrible circumstances.

• 29:49Andrew Santino?

  Yeah.

• 29:49Speaker 05

  And then you just completely like maliciously abuse them into like having sex with strangers and giving you all of the money.

• 29:56Andrew Santino?

  Oh, giving you the money thing is the strangest thing. Well, it's a, it's a power play of like such trauma from these poor girls. Whatever just awful fucked up shit happened to them, this feels safer.

• 30:07Speaker 05

  Exactly.

• 30:07Andrew Santino?

  That's crazy.

• 30:08Speaker 05

  And you capitalize and you're always like, you'll like stand at bus stops and just try to find like a girl, a young girl with bags and all the pimps swarm her.

• 30:14Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, cause she's moving, moving to town or something like that. Yeah.

• 30:17Speaker 05

  And you wanna get in her head and be like, look, I got you. I love you. I love you so much. And then you just slowly pimp her out and just get her addicted to drugs.

• 30:24Andrew Santino?

  So dark.

• 30:24Speaker 05

  Dude, it's real, the evil is.

• 30:25Andrew Santino?

  So dark.

• 30:26Speaker 05

  Pimps are like, people think it's cool. They wear like cool suits and it might be, they might be the most malicious criminals like.

• 30:31Andrew Santino?

  Right.

• 30:32Speaker 05

  It dude, it one, he had this thing where, so he had his bottom bitch was like, she's down with him forever. And she wasn't, a lot of times your bitches will get lazy.

• 30:39Andrew Santino?

  Yeah.

• 30:40Speaker 05

  So as a pimp, you gotta figure out what you're gonna do. Dude. He started western, he would have the money from her, then western union it to himself, pretending it was coming from another girl. And being like, this chick's killing you.

• 30:52Andrew Santino?

  Oh, wow.

• 30:52Speaker 05

  You're not shit. And he would like beat her with a coat hanger. It was fucked up. And then they'll come out and be like, let me tell you something about it. It's like, dude, you're the worst guy.

• 30:59Andrew Santino?

  The worst guy, dude.

• 31:00Speaker 05

  But it was a crazy trick to be like sending money that was hers. And you would just save up two weeks worth and be like, damn, look at this other bitches getting me. You're worthless. And then she got off her lazy ass and started going hard.

• 31:10Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, dude, then these hoes got up.

• 31:12Speaker 05

  That's called a chili pimp. If you have one hoe, that's a chili pimp.

• 31:15Andrew Santino?

  Chili pimp?

• 31:16Speaker 05

  Chili pimp. They're like bottom of the barrel pimps.

• 31:18Andrew Santino?

  Nobody respects a chili pimp. What's top pimp? What do they call, is there, do they all have names?

• 31:23Speaker 05

  I think you're just, I think you're just a certified player at that point. You're just cold as hell.

• 31:26Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, you're a CP.

• 31:26Speaker 05

  Yeah, you're a certified player. You got like seven or eight, you got seven or eight bitches. It's like...

• 31:29Andrew Santino?

  I would love moving up the ranks of the pimping game. It's like, uh, that's like in the comedy game. You're like an open mic. Chili pimp is an open mic.

• 31:35Speaker 05

  It's kinda like that, dude. Cause then you have like, you have the elder pimps that like, they'll give you game, but they're always trying to take you out. And pimps love seeing other pimps fall. Dude, it was crazy.

• 31:44Andrew Santino?

  It's just like stand-up. It's exactly like stand-up.

• 31:46Speaker 05

  It is.

• 31:47Andrew Santino?

  The elder pimps are always talking shit about, and they can't believe when a chili pimp is like at their level at some point. You're like, how did that dude fucking move up?

• 31:53Speaker 05

  They hate to see a young pimp rise, yeah. They'll keep you down. They will keep you down. They want you opening for them.

• 32:00Andrew Santino?

  That is great to think of a pimp lower on the ladder opens for a bigger pimp. He just warms up his hose for him.

• 32:07Speaker 05

  They'll steal your hose. They'll, and they'll take you into the fold and be like, I, I care about you. And then they'll just poison your hose against you.

• 32:12Andrew Santino?

  I need to read this book. Ice Breaks, this fucking book.

• 32:14Speaker 05

  It's so, it's such a, it's like a terrible topic, but it is for real one of the best.

• 32:18Andrew Santino?

  No, it's, when you, when someone has these, these fan, these like fantasy lives that actually were real. I mean, you have to indulge, cause you're, we're so, you're so far away from something so chaotic that you're like, I have to know what that's like. Cause it's so fucking foreign. I told, I was, I said on the other show, one of my favorite books, uh, that I've, that I've fin- finally finished again. I keep like doing the go back to, was Warren Zevon's book his wife wrote. And I've suggested it a million times. I think it's brilliant. You know this guy Warren Zevon?

• 32:47Speaker 05

  I know who he is. His wife wrote a book?

• 32:48Andrew Santino?

  Yeah. I mean, he wrote a book about his, his entire life, cause he lived such a dark tumultuous life. Like it was just so awful.

• 32:54Speaker 05

  Yeah, that guy ruled. He, I saw a thing of him on a talk show where he was just had like terminal cancer and he just never went to the doctor.

• 32:59Andrew Santino?

  Letterman.

• 32:59Speaker 05

  Yeah, he was just like, yeah, I'm like.

• 33:00Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, Letterman loved him to death. He was like one of his favorite artists and like, um, I think, you know, look, he, it was a sad, awful life. He was like, it just, he was a, he was a constant addict. And he did that thing where he would get it out of addiction, feel clean, and then jump right back in.

• 33:14Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 33:14Andrew Santino?

  Then spiral in this weird, but here's the worst part. I mean, the best part, the worst part. Every time he went through one of these like terrible jaunts of like just disappearing, he would make a killer fucking song.

• 33:27Speaker 05

  Damn, that's awesome.

• 33:28Andrew Santino?

  It was, it was, he would just put out a fucking banger dude. He would disappear, he would go get so fucking wrecked and then they find himself like in Bogota. You know what I mean? Like he'd find himself in a different country or a different, like, he would find himself in these situations where he would just move somewhere and disappear.

• 33:44Speaker 05

  What?

• 33:44Andrew Santino?

  Then he would write an incredible fucking record. And then the, the labels back then, cause they put up with everything. Like nowadays a label would be like, you're fired dude, fuck you. But they would just keep sending money to be like, look dude, he did just send us a fucking incredible song. And then they would think, okay, he's back, he's gonna do it. And then he's like nah.

• 34:01Speaker 05

  Later.

• 34:02Andrew Santino?

  And he would just disappear again dude. It was awesome. It was just the fantasy of that though, I don't think could happen in this, in this day and age again, because I think just labels and corporate, they wouldn't put up with anymore. But for some reason back then, they were just like, we'll keep, I guess we'll keep trying with this guy.

• 34:18Speaker 05

  Yeah, that's, and also too, like you could, you could keep way more stuff under the rug back then too.

• 34:23Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, no, yeah, they didn't, no one knew.

• 34:25Speaker 05

  Yeah, now it's like, I saw this guy, you have like a video of him, he's just like, ah. He's just in Honduras like, you fuck here, you pussy. Like, oh, that's shitty.

• 34:34Andrew Santino?

  Just yelling out racial slurs at people at the beach. You're like, dude, come on man, just make an album.

• 34:38Speaker 05

  I mean Kanye was as big as you can get. You would think you could ignore all the stuff he was doing. He like, he went full bore.

• 34:45Andrew Santino?

  Well dude, he said all the stuff that we were all thinking. That's really what it is dude.

• 34:51Speaker 05

  Yeah, that is, that was one of the most entertaining things to watch. Just see someone at the height of just, I mean, it's like, he was as big as a celebrity can get.

• 34:58Andrew Santino?

  We will look back on that as a, as probably one of the most beautiful, um, beautiful ascensions and explosions into, you know, like this cultural zeitgeist of chaos. Like he'll be, he'll be forever remembered as like one of the greatest artists of all time. Who had this like mental break or whatever you wanna call it, but it, it will never like, invalidate all the stuff he did. I don't know.

• 35:22Speaker 05

  No, yeah, for sure.

• 35:23Andrew Santino?

  It's almost like the break was like beautiful, it was supposed to happen.

• 35:26Speaker 05

  It was.

• 35:26Andrew Santino?

  Where was he supposed to go? Do you know what I mean? Like, you got so big, where, I guess where else do you go? Other than, I need to prophesize until I, until you guys like martyr my existence. It's crazy dude. It is kinda crazy. He did level himself as.

• 35:44Andrew Santino?

  This like otherworldly creature now. He's not, he's like superhuman.

• 35:48Speaker 05

  It's, yeah, he is. It's like dude, he, it was funny too, because everyone, I feel like, anyone who does like entertainment has that fantasy of like, I really love to like get a moment where like, the whole world's watching me. I'm giving like an Emmy speech and I have this beautiful speech plan in my head and he, for years must have been like, I gotta tell everyone I love Hitler. And he just got to the point where he got the platform up and he was like, guys, I hate, I just love him. I can't help, I can't keep it in.

• 36:09Andrew Santino?

  I just have to tell you the truth.

• 36:11Speaker 05

  And everyone's like, whoa, what the fuck?

• 36:13Speaker 01

  In here, we pour whiskey.

• 36:16Andrew Santino?

  This episode of Whiskey Ginger is brought to you by Squarespace. Uh, Squarespace is the all-in-one website platform for entrepreneurs to stand out and succeed online. Whether you're just starting out, or you're managing a growing brand, Squarespace makes it easy to create a beautiful website, engage with your audience and sell anything from products to content to time, all in one place, all on your terms. I've been talking about Squarespace for so long now, and that's because I use it and I love it, man. There was the first place I went to was Squarespace because they had beautiful templates to create a site that was seamless and fluid and beautiful, and I had no idea what I was doing. And now they're so, so, so ahead of where they were. They got Squarespace Payments. You can manage your payments all in one place. Uh, onboarding is fast and simple. You get started in a few clicks and you can receive payments on whatever you're selling or producing or giving,

• 36:57Andrew Santino?

  uh, within, you know, right away, actually. It's, it happens so fast. They also have ways to, uh, alternative ways to pay, like Klarna, ACH Direct Debit, uh, Apple Pay, Afterpay, Clearpay. They got everything there in one spot. Uh, but the design intelligence is something that they really pride in, combining two decades of industry-leading design expertise with cutting-edge AI technology to unlock your strongest creative potential. Uh, they empower you to build your own site, make it beautiful and personalized, uniquely stand out. Whether you're selling content, you know, you're invoicing people, you have SEO tools on there. Uh, so every Squarespace website is optimized to be indexed with meta description. So, that way, auto-generated site map and more, you can show up more often to more people globally, so them search results keep taking them back to the place which they belong,

• 37:42Andrew Santino?

  which is on your site. And that's what you want. So, go to Squarespace.com for a free trial. When you're ready to launch, uh, go to Squarespace.com/whiskey to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain. Squarespace.com, you know where it is. Check it out. You like it? Squarespace.com/whiskey. Save yourself 10% off your first purchase of website or domain. This episode of Whiskey Ginger is brought to you by BetterHelp. I've talked about BetterHelp quite a lot on this show. I do believe in therapy. Okay, it is fantastic that BetterHelp is there to provide this service for you from the comfort of your own home. Okay, it's the holidays. It's great. It's also overwhelming. Everyone's gonna be at the house, or you're gonna be at somebody else's house. It smells like, you know, your Aunt June.

• 38:26Andrew Santino?

  And your Uncle Mark's out there checking the tires again, smoking a heater. And then he wants to ask you about what you've been up to, and why you don't have kids, and why you're not married. I know how that goes. But how do you stay good on the inside for you? Well, BetterHelp is incredible. And if you're thinking of starting therapy, give BetterHelp a try. Entirely done online, designed to be convenient, flexible, and suited to your schedule. You just fill out a brief questionnaire, no wrong answers, get matched with a licensed therapist, and switch therapists anytime for no additional charge. You gotta try it out. If you want to talk to someone about anything at all, the overwhelmingness of the holidays, BetterHelp is there from the comfort of your home, or wherever else you are. Find comfort this December with BetterHelp. Visit betterhelp.com/whiskey today to get 10% off your first month. That's betterhelp, better H E L P, dot com slash whiskey.

• 39:12Speaker 02

  Ginger. I like gingers.

• 39:15Andrew Santino?

  It is incredible because you see him now, and he doesn't have the attention that he used to get. And I think he still thinks he could garner that attention, but it just doesn't happen anymore. And it's really sad to watch. Like, he'll go out with his girlfriend in Malibu or whatever, and she's naked. Have you ever seen pictures?

• 39:30Speaker 05

  Dude, it's my favorite section of the news is just what his wife's wearing and him just getting blowjobs on boats.

• 39:35Andrew Santino?

  It's amazing.

• 39:36Speaker 05

  Plumber's crack sitting on his dick.

• 39:39Andrew Santino?

  It's amazing.

• 39:40Speaker 05

  It is. I keep wondering, who's writing the art? Who keeps following her? Like, his wife's naked again. We see her nipples, and it's like, sweet.

• 39:47Andrew Santino?

  Sweet.

• 39:47Speaker 05

  Thanks for the pic.

• 39:48Andrew Santino?

  Post it. Yeah, post it. But you know that's gotta be a part of the conversation when they leave the house, like I imagine. She's so, it's, she's so conscious of the, of this thing now becoming news every day.

• 40:00Speaker 05

  Mm-hmm.

• 40:01Andrew Santino?

  So she has to keep upping her game.

• 40:02Speaker 05

  I know.

• 40:03Andrew Santino?

  Like she has to continue to have these new outfits that are like, not suggestive, they're just naked, but they're like sheer. It's, everything is sheer.

• 40:10Speaker 05

  Yeah, it's crazy. She is just naked. She's under like a veil.

• 40:13Andrew Santino?

  Yeah.

• 40:14Speaker 05

  She's gonna eventually have to like take a dump on the sidewalk. Everybody, oh hell, she's still doing big things.

• 40:18Andrew Santino?

  Rock and roll dude. She's so, she's throwing poop. Have you seen she's throwing poop at people? At fans?

• 40:23Speaker 05

  It is funny because yeah, I mean, it's like, yeah, I don't think he's drawing the same kind of attention as before. But it's like, dude, there's like one hit wonders from the 90s. If like, if you talk to him, they're still like, bro, like we're, we're still in this celebrity life. And it's like, nobody gives a fuck.

• 40:36Andrew Santino?

  No, no one cares.

• 40:37Speaker 05

  So it is a thing. Like I think there's, if you do ascend to that level, I think it's hard to like, just feel like, oh, I'm a regular guy again. Like it just, it's all left.

• 40:44Andrew Santino?

  No, it's over. You lost all the, you lost the thing. Well, it's funny to think like, the parallels of what we do. Comedy goes through these waves of like, you know, getting bigger than itself, which I think we're there now a little bit.

• 40:57Speaker 05

  Yeah, for sure.

• 40:58Andrew Santino?

  I mean, we're like, we're, it's too big. It's bigger than it.

• 41:00Speaker 05

  A nice bust would be good. It's a hard bust. I'd get it.

• 41:04Andrew Santino?

  Because it came, COVID did it the first time.

• 41:06Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 41:06Andrew Santino?

  And, and Burr walked into the green room. I've told this story before, but I'll never forget, like right before COVID. And it was like, you know, every night was sold out everywhere. It was incre- it was just incredible. And there was a bunch of people that had come to the store that night, you know, like Russell Peters, all these guys that drive, that have like Bentleys and Ferraris or whatever. You know, Kevin Hart was whatever. And Burr walked in the green room and he's like, do you see the fucking parking lot? And everyone's like, well, he's like, dude, they're gonna fucking, they're gonna audit us. They're gonna get us. It's too much fucking money. Like, he was so offended and it was so true. He was like, dude, they're gonna fucking get us. They're gonna fucking come get us. This is ridiculous. And I go out there and it was, it was like a Ferrari, a Bent- like, you know, Tim Dillon's fucking Rolls-Royce.

• 41:50Andrew Santino?

  I was like, oh my God, this is such a bad look, dude. It just wasn't comedy at all.

• 41:55Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 41:55Andrew Santino?

  And then sure enough. Just like the grace of coincidence, covid hit and it like just decimated the comedy boom thing. And now, it's too big now.

• 42:06Speaker 05

  Yeah, it's rising again.

• 42:07Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, dude, it's trouble.

• 42:08Speaker 05

  Yeah, it is weird, man, because I have like, I've only, I was doing it just like mostly like open mics for the longest times. And I know there was like booms and, but like I started in like 2008, so.

• 42:18Andrew Santino?

  You started in 08 and then how long did you go until you stopped?

• 42:21Speaker 05

  Uh, I, I would do, I always, I would do it for like four months, quit for two months, do it for nine months, quit for four months.

• 42:27Andrew Santino?

  What was the quit because?

• 42:28Speaker 05

  I would just be like, fuck this. And I would just like try to like, I would like have a girlfriend and be like, I'm gonna just get a normal job. And then I would try that and just quit immediately and then go back to stand up. That sucks.

• 42:38Andrew Santino?

  What were the normal jobs? Any of them fun or no?

• 42:41Speaker 05

  I like tried, uh, I did a lot of like construction jobs. That's like my whole family does that. And they were like, they were cool because you can still be like kind of a mutant and do construction. Like nobody gives a fuck.

• 42:50Andrew Santino?

  Yeah.

• 42:50Speaker 05

  But I tried working in an office for, I think I made it like three weeks. That was like, the more you do stand up and then try to get back in it, like I went to school for social work at one point. Got like my masters in social work and I would like go to like social work offices and talk to people and they'd be like, where the fuck are you? You become like a freak. You do stand up, you really do. Like I always, and I'm always telling like people like comics. I'm like, dude, stop romanticizing your life. You're just a normal person. But you also, you're kind of not. Like if you do stand up for a long time and try to sit in an office, it's just, you say like one thing and people are like, what the fuck?

• 43:21Andrew Santino?

  Ew, yeah.

• 43:22Speaker 05

  You're like, what, what, what are you, what are you doing?

• 43:23Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, we are, we are, we are normal people, but also I think there's nothing special. The words, there's not, it's just, it's what it is, is your lens is kind of unique.

• 43:35Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 43:35Andrew Santino?

  Like you just have a different, your lens is a little off compared to everybody else.

• 43:38Speaker 05

  For sure.

• 43:38Andrew Santino?

  So when you say it, people are like, I don't know, the fuck you're talking about, but that's kind of interesting that you say it that way.

• 43:43Speaker 05

  Dude, and it's also like I, because again, I only ever, I worked in an office twice and one was a, like an internship in college. I did like, I think three months. And I remember I quit the internship early. And then the other one was three weeks. And it was like, dude, if you work in an office from like twenty to like forty, I I really think it gives people like brain damage. Like low grade brain, like low grade, like if you keep a dog in a kennel, it's kind of like, I swear to God, it fucks people up.

• 44:10Andrew Santino?

  It does.

• 44:10Speaker 05

  Cause they'll be like, huh, like they're just like, they can't, it's like you're in school forever. You can't, there's certain topics, even if you bring them up, they'll be like, oh, I don't, I don't know, man, that's a little crazy. Shut up.

• 44:21Andrew Santino?

  That's like everyone I grew up with though, back in the Midwest is like people when I go home, they've, they've been relegated to, which is a great job, a lot of them have great jobs, but they're, when you, when I do say stuff, it's almost like I've said something so out of bounds and fucked up, but you're like, I didn't say.

• 44:37Speaker 05

  It's not that bad.

• 44:37Andrew Santino?

  It's not that bad, but to them, they're like, dude, I can't believe you say that stuff.

• 44:40Speaker 05

  Yeah, they're like, oh, that's a little crazy. I would like go in those offices and I was like selling Adderall in the office.

• 44:47Andrew Santino?

  Fucking shucking Addy on the side.

• 44:49Speaker 05

  It was nice. Yeah, I was shucking Addy's, but it was like, yeah, I was, it is nice because you can get in the role of the office greaseman. Where you can just like start like selling drugs and like plugging people up to like, cause there, that like, that pressure is always building in an office.

• 45:01Andrew Santino?

  I worked, I fucking, I did, I had, I had a desk job when I, when I was in, first started on comedy and, uh, one of the dudes, it was like, kind of like a hero of mine, he was so rad, he was like, uh, he's like, dude, you should do what I do, you should, he did deliveries for us, you know, he was like a runner.

• 45:15Speaker 05

  That's nice.

• 45:16Andrew Santino?

  And he was like, you should do deliveries, dude. And he's like, get the fuck out of the office, cause he was a creative, he was like an artist, he's a musician and, and an artist. And then he was like, get out of here, dude, you're too, this is too confining. You want to be free. And I was like, I should do what you do. He's like, look, dude, it's a little bit of a pay cut, but, I get to come and go as I please. I drive all day, listen to tunes, I'm writing, I get to go have a coffee. I was like, that is, that does sound rad. And then like a month later, I found out he was like just getting drunk on the job every day. And I was like, okay, dude, I gotta, I'm gonna stay in the office. Never mind, never mind, dude, I'll stay at the desk. Because I, I did, there was a piece of me that thought that much freedom would make me, would make, it was a little too unhinged, cause I was like, I need a little bit of organization during the day, 'tis that at night I could go do stand up all night long. Cause if I had his freedom, it's almost like, oh dude, I'd be getting in so much fucking, I'd be him. I would have started drinking on the job for sure.

• 46:01Speaker 05

  Yeah, sure, just getting hammered.

• 46:02Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, dude.

• 46:02Speaker 05

  I worked, when I did the. Internship and it was a paid internship in college. They gave you, they gave you a little bit of money and I uh, but I dude, I would like set my screensaver for like, for so that it never came on and I would just leave the office for hours.

• 46:15Andrew Santino?

  Nobody would know shit.

• 46:16Speaker 05

  Walk around, no, I didn't do anything. I was, I had two bosses in different cities and I would tell both of them that the other one had me doing stuff all day.

• 46:22Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, he's got me on a run.

• 46:23Speaker 05

  I'd be like, well, that one guy was like Albuquerque, the other guy was in like Kentucky and they call me, I'd be like, bro, the other guy's got me slammed. Catch, well, hit me up next week, we'll figure it out. I would just pit them against each other.

• 46:32Andrew Santino?

  That's so good.

• 46:33Speaker 05

  And just wander around the city.

• 46:34Andrew Santino?

  They never communicated, these two dudes, I love that.

• 46:37Speaker 05

  I never, and I like would go travel with both of them and it was just like, I don't know, they never really, and I was kind of doing like bullshit stuff too.

• 46:43Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, but it's a lot, almost everything is bullshit stuff.

• 46:45Speaker 05

  That's the thing, that's what freaked me out. Then you go to the meetings and everyone's lying. Everyone's like, yeah, I'm really getting the tires rolling on this side of this pride. It's like, there you're not. I'm like, I'm standing and talking to you the whole time. We didn't do anything today.

• 46:56Andrew Santino?

  I see what you do all day. You don't do shit.

• 46:58Speaker 05

  The best is I got, there was, there was like a partner, like a high up guy in this, it was like a real estate thing. They bought apartment complexes. And uh, the one guy like left the firm. There's like a lot, it was like, it was kind of shady. I don't know what they were doing, but there was like something going on. And uh, the one guy left the firm. He was like really high up. And my other boss was like, I need you to go into his Gmail and delete anything with this subject matter. So they had me just deleting records of whatever like they told this guy. I was like, no problem. But I was in his email, but then we had to Google chat. So I was Google chatting like my bosses as this super high up guy. And I'd be like, yo, what's up guys? Like, oh my god, hey, Mr. Reese. And I started like talking to them and I was like, yeah, I'm in a hotel right now, just chilling by myself, like, come chill. And I started getting like, like kind of hitting on them through this boss.

• 47:43Speaker 05

  And my direct bosses thought it was hilarious. Oh my god, it's me, I'm fucking with you. And they're like, talk to this guy. They kept telling me to fuck with other people. And then like the main boss emailing me all caps like, do not use chat feature while in Maurice.

• 47:53Andrew Santino?

  Like dude, you kidding me? I'm your cleanup guy. I'll do whatever the fuck I want. I'm covering up for your, your terrible crimes. I get to have fun too, dude.

• 48:00Speaker 05

  Committing fraud right now with you guys. At least let me fuck around the chat. But I would like hit guys up like, yo, I got a bottle just by myself. I'm kind of fucked up, like LOL. They'd be like, okay.

• 48:11Speaker 05

  Yeah, it was so fun. And then, that was the thing, it was like, that was the disciplinary action was a guy sending me an all caps email and I'd look at him like, he was like four offices next, I could see him and I'm like,

• 48:23Andrew Santino?

  This is the, this is the top guy?

• 48:24Speaker 05

  Oh yeah, well that's kinda weird. He was like the legal, it was like the CEO, he would come in once a week and he was like kind of a dickhead and uh, but the legal guy was kinda cool, but he was like second in command, he ran the office.

• 48:36Andrew Santino?

  It is funny how you find out, not all the time, but you find out a lot of times when you get in these corporate worlds, that you're like, wow, so many of these people get paid and they don't do anything. Like how, the way that Office Space did that so beautifully, where he's like, what do you do here?

• 48:49Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 48:49Andrew Santino?

  And he can't explain it. Like I worked with enough people where I would be like, what is, what is your gig?

• 48:54Speaker 05

  Mm-hmm.

• 48:54Andrew Santino?

  And they couldn't really tell you.

• 48:56Speaker 05

  Yeah, the less you do, the more complicated your job title is. It's like, well, I'm actually an industry analysis specialist and you're like, okay.

• 49:01Andrew Santino?

  Oh, an analysis specialist. Who do you communicate with? Uh, some of my, well, a lot of my colleagues are actually a part, there's a group. I have two, there's two pods.

• 49:09Speaker 05

  They're always teams.

• 49:10Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, there's two pods. And I, I oversee one of the pods, but what do you mean you over, like what do you do with the pod? Well, I mean, look, honestly dude, you probably wouldn't even understand it if I explained it to you. It's that kinda thing.

• 49:21Speaker 05

  I'm team, my team leader, I'm team leader, team B.

• 49:24Andrew Santino?

  A lot of correspondence.

• 49:24Speaker 05

  It's, it's crazy dude, I, again, I didn't work in an office that long, but I didn't do anything.

• 49:29Andrew Santino?

  No, I didn't, no, no, it's, you can, you can kinda get away with almost, you can kinda get away with doing the absolute bare minimum, which we've talked about on the show. I'm a big proponent of that. If you are working somewhere, uh, do, do the least amount of work you possibly can.

• 49:43Speaker 05

  I'm also, as I get older, I'm jealous of office life. I, when I was younger, I was like, fuck this. As I get older, I see a bunch of dudes out to lunch together.

• 49:50Andrew Santino?

  That looks rad.

• 49:50Speaker 05

  I'd be by myself, I'd be like, fuck dude, that'd be so cool to be with my team right now.

• 49:54Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, with my pod. Do you mean my pod getting Jimmy John's? You kidding me dude? I'm in. Take me dude, take me in.

• 50:01Speaker 05

  I swear to God, I was just by myself all the time and I always like, just, I would always just float around and just be up to weird stuff.

• 50:07Andrew Santino?

  Well, that's, that's like my dad worked in an office for years and he, the way he romanticizes about those moments, it is kinda fun. Like there is something beautiful, but he'd be like, uh, that's when, and they all, they all have nicknames, you know? He's like, that's when Fatback and I used to go out and we'd fucking have a couple of beers at lunch.

• 50:22Speaker 05

  Get hammered.

• 50:23Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, yeah, he's like, those were fun days, right? Like,

• 50:25Speaker 05

  That would be fun dude, getting a little drunk and going back to the office, that's when it does rule.

• 50:29Andrew Santino?

  Oh, fuck yeah dude.

• 50:30Speaker 05

  It's like around the holiday season, everyone's face is just bright red, everyone's like, just looking at each other.

• 50:37Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, my dad did a corporate job for his whole, he was working in offices his whole life and that's why he was like so promotional of me trying to do this thing.

• 50:45Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 50:46Andrew Santino?

  Cause he was like, cause he got fired after like thirty years of loyalty to a company.

• 50:50Speaker 05

  That's bullshit, man.

• 50:51Andrew Santino?

  Yeah dude, Turtle Wax. Fuck Turtle Wax.

• 50:53Speaker 05

  Fuck Turtle Wax dude.

• 50:54Andrew Santino?

  Hundred percent dude, they suck. We've talked about it so much. Don't ever buy that trash. Go buy any other, any other. Go buy Mothers, go buy Maguires. Shout out to the fucking Chemical Brothers, Chemical Guys. Dude, dude, honestly, go buy all that other shit. Fuck Turtle Wax forever.

• 51:07Speaker 05

  Fuck Turtle Wax.

• 51:08Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, they fired my old man after like, dude, such a loyal, committed guy to this company and they just axed him. And then, uh, he was, I, I saw a change in my father for the first time as like a man, like as a man came to me. And was like, um, years later, they wanted to offer him his job back.

• 51:26Speaker 05

  Turtle Wax came crawling back?

• 51:27Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, they did. Like fucking little bitches. And he's like, what do you think? That was the first time my dad actually asked for my like professional opinion about something I knew not, he just wanted like as, as a, I don't know, as, I don't know, it's like, it almost made me feel like, oh, he respects me as a guy.

• 51:41Speaker 05

  Yeah, yeah, I know what you mean.

• 51:42Andrew Santino?

  And he was like, what do you think? And I was like, tell him to go fuck themselves. And he did, which was rad. But it is so fucked up that they toyed with him. They pimped my dad, dude. They were chili pimping my dad.

• 51:50Speaker 05

  That's fucked up.

• 51:51Andrew Santino?

  They tried to get him back, dude.

• 51:53Speaker 05

  It's so fucked up, especially like, you know, in that generation, like their huge goal in life was like, get a job.

• 51:59Andrew Santino?

  And stay in that job, yeah, keep the job.

• 52:02Speaker 05

  My parents would always drill that into me. I'm like, fuck that. I'm like, no. I'm gonna quit a job as soon as I can.

• 52:06Andrew Santino?

  I can't wait to quit, dude.

• 52:07Speaker 05

  I hate my job. But yeah, they all like, dude, if you got a job, like, they were like, they were so happy just to have a steady job.

• 52:15Andrew Santino?

  Because there was some sort of, there was some sort of, I don't know, like you felt like that was an achievement. You got a good job, you kept it, you built a retirement.

• 52:23Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 52:24Andrew Santino?

  It like meant something. But then you found out, then they found out, that generation found out that these corporations, they didn't give a fuck about your ass. They, they, they cared about you so little, but they pretended really well for a long time.

• 52:34Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 52:35Andrew Santino?

  Right? Like that scene in fucking, like Christmas Vacation was such a, that is, that is like my dad's whole career. You know, when the boss is like, yeah, or fuck you, you're not getting a bonus. Fuck you. You know what I mean? It's like, that's my dad's whole career was like, wait, what? You fucked me after all this?

• 52:47Speaker 05

  They dangled, yeah.

• 52:48Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, I thought, I thought, he's like, yeah dude, you thought. You're an idiot dude, fuck you.

• 52:51Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 52:51Andrew Santino?

  So that's why my parents were very much like, Go ahead, good luck.

• 52:55Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 52:55Andrew Santino?

  You know, they weren't like, uh, we'll catch you if you fall, but they were like, go be free, you might as well try.

• 53:00Speaker 05

  That's how my dad was. He was like, you don't want to do construction, it sucks, go work in the air conditioning, get an office job. And then I was like, I'm not doing that. And he's like, yeah, I couldn't do that shit. But he was like, and I was like, I'm gonna do stand up. He's like, yeah, who gives a fuck, do it.

• 53:11Andrew Santino?

  They were cool about it.

• 53:12Speaker 05

  Very cool. My mom was a little kind of a worrywart. She was always kind of like, get me a teacher. And I was like, if all fails, yeah, I will.

• 53:18Andrew Santino?

  You absolutely could still be a teacher.

• 53:19Speaker 05

  I actually would like it. Like, I swear to God, like, all these jobs now, I'm like, I think I would like all of them. But, you know, it's like-

• 53:25Andrew Santino?

  You think you could teach at like a, what, at a university level?

• 53:27Speaker 05

  Nah, I want to go like Dangerous Minds. I want to go like inner city, I want to go inner city, turn the kids around, save the kids.

• 53:34Andrew Santino?

  You are a little Michelle Pfeiffer-y. I do see that in you, dude. I do see that, that's true. That movie was so fucking wild. Coolio, Coolio, God bless, rest in peace.

• 53:45Speaker 05

  I mean, he's dead, I forgot.

• 53:46Andrew Santino?

  He died. Like, was it last year?

• 53:48Speaker 06

  I feel like, yeah, a year or so ago.

• 53:49Andrew Santino?

  A year or two ago?

• 53:50Speaker 05

  Damn, what did he die from?

• 53:52Andrew Santino?

  Hmm, I don't know if you want to know.

• 53:54Speaker 05

  Autorotic asphyxiation?

• 53:56Andrew Santino?

  It was a drug overdose, but it was one of those where they like-

• 53:58Speaker 06

  Fentanyl, heroin, and meth.

• 53:59Speaker 05

  Oh, he was going nuts. Damn.

• 54:02Andrew Santino?

  You know what sucks about that too is like, you can tell when you read some of those stories that he struggled, like, hard with addiction? And so it makes you, it makes it more sad because, I don't know what it is about celebrity public addiction, we kind of like, we ride this wave together. But when it's like quiet addiction, you're like, God, it's so much more depressing.

• 54:18Speaker 05

  Yeah, like Little Bow Wow was addicted to like Promethazine for a while.

• 54:21Andrew Santino?

  Was he?

• 54:22Speaker 05

  Yeah, he's got fat. Little Bow Wow is just fat addicted to Promethazine.

• 54:25Andrew Santino?

  Little Bow Wow got fat on fucking Prometh, dude? That's wild.

• 54:28Speaker 05

  Yeah, that is, that is, it's so right though. And they're quiet, like, I didn't know Coolio was doing like speedballs.

• 54:33Andrew Santino?

  Sucks, dude. Quiet addiction makes me the most sad for some reason. I'm like, oh dude, let us know.

• 54:37Speaker 05

  Yeah, dude.

• 54:38Andrew Santino?

  Show it off a little bit, dude.

• 54:39Speaker 05

  Yeah, exactly. Crash your car.

• 54:40Andrew Santino?

  Like Whitney, dude? Fucking blow it up, dude. That documentary was incredible. The fact that her whole team was just like, we just can't control her. And when Bobby got a hold of her, it was, like, we watched it all burn. I know that's gross, but it's like-

• 54:56Speaker 05

  It's satisfying.

• 54:57Andrew Santino?

  At least we get to know.

• 54:58Speaker 05

  It's the same thing. If you, we heard tire screech outside right now, we'd all go, if there's no crash, you're like, pfft, fucks the point. It's wasting my time. But yeah, there's something like innately just, at least spellbinding of watching just somebody just crash.

• 55:12Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, there's something about it, dude.

• 55:14Speaker 05

  Go up in the flames.

• 55:15Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, the secret drug, and that's kind of like, uh- You know, like the, a guy that I loved that I knew nothing about was Greg Giraldo and then like hearing, I was such a fan from afar. And then hearing how, you know, he went back, went back in and then died like the first day he went back in.

• 55:31Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 55:32Andrew Santino?

  Fuck dude.

• 55:33Speaker 05

  He was like an opiates guy, right?

• 55:34Andrew Santino?

  Yeah.

• 55:34Speaker 05

  That's what happens, man. Cause your tolerance drops and then you try to do what you did before and you're just, you're done.

• 55:39Andrew Santino?

  It's so funny on such a weak level, like I realized that like when I clean out, I stopped drinking, I'll stop drinking for like three months, four months or whatever. Then when I go back, even then I'm like, holy fuck dude. Good luck with H dude. You're gonna ride the horse after this dude? I can't even, a couple of fucking, a couple of IPAs and I'm fucking mush mouth.

• 55:56Speaker 05

  It's dude, the heroin shit's crazy. I don't know. And I, it's like, I know people have done it and gotten off of it, but it's like, it's gotta be impossible.

• 56:03Andrew Santino?

  I've had a good buddy of mine, his wife, he met his wife when she was struggling to get off of it and now she's clean and life is great, but it is funny because it does, it changes your, it changes your chemical makeup a hundred percent.

• 56:15Speaker 05

  For sure.

• 56:16Andrew Santino?

  You are forever a different person. Doesn't matter how much you used.

• 56:18Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 56:19Andrew Santino?

  It's just your, the way you operate is different. It's like you, you rewired the machine a little bit when you do heroin.

• 56:24Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 56:24Andrew Santino?

  Everything else doesn't really do that, but heroin for sure does that.

• 56:28Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 56:29Andrew Santino?

  I don't know what that, like some, that's, that's why it's the best.

• 56:31Speaker 05

  Yeah, man. It's, yeah, just from what I understand, it just really just kind of like, you feel like you're just wrapped in like your mother's arms, just like sinking into oblivion.

• 56:39Andrew Santino?

  Do it dude, let's do it dude. Let's try once.

• 56:42Speaker 05

  I will say though, it, it affects certain people. Like I've taken like Percocets and I've, I've actually drank Promethazine myself.

• 56:48Andrew Santino?

  Really?

• 56:48Speaker 05

  Believe it or not, yeah. I should sell Promethazine too. Unsuccessfully. My friend just, well, I like bought it, me and my friend were younger, we're like, hell yeah dude, we caught Promethazine. My friend drank all of it and crashed his car into a hill. It was just like, the fuck dude, you owe me a hundred eighty dollars. You fucked me up.

• 57:04Speaker 05

  He just crashed in front of my parents' house.

• 57:06Andrew Santino?

  Fucking, but if you're gonna go out dude, yeah, crash your car.

• 57:09Speaker 05

  Yeah, but I've taken Percocets. I didn't love them, man. I tried it and I was like, I get it. It is like, you kind of just get to like float on a couch for a little bit.

• 57:16Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, you disappear.

• 57:17Speaker 05

  Yeah, imagine if you're laying on a couch and your body just lifted off like this much. You're like as comfortable as possible. Yeah, it was pretty cool.

• 57:23Andrew Santino?

  I had Vicodin.

• 57:24Speaker 05

  It didn't grip me.

• 57:25Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, no, I had Vicodin, Vicodin is an opioid, right?

• 57:28Speaker 05

  Yeah, yeah.

• 57:28Andrew Santino?

  I had Vicodin when I, I tore ligaments in my leg playing basketball when I was like twenty-three or something like that. And I ate those things like fucking Tic Tacs. But it made me so much more anxious.

• 57:39Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 57:39Andrew Santino?

  It, my anxiety levels drove through the roof. I couldn't sleep at night.

• 57:42Speaker 05

  Yup.

• 57:43Andrew Santino?

  So like I felt I would get ripped, but it wasn't like fun ripped.

• 57:47Speaker 05

  Mm-hmm.

• 57:47Andrew Santino?

  And then I told the doctor, I was like, this isn't working even a little bit. He's like, dude, just take extra strength, fucking Advil or whatever. He's like, you're, because the pain wouldn't really go away. It wasn't like the pain was gone.

• 57:58Speaker 05

  Yeah, you're high as fuck.

• 57:59Andrew Santino?

  I was just fucking soggy.

• 58:00Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 58:00Andrew Santino?

  Yeah. I just couldn't speak for a little while. It was bad though. I, I didn't, I just didn't like it for some reason. That, that never got a hold of me in the way that like, well dude, we talked about this last night, uh, muscle relaxers, like Norco's and all that. Do you know those?

• 58:15Speaker 05

  Yeah, I know people who love those.

• 58:17Andrew Santino?

  Oh my God. I had my, the girl I dated in college one time, she-

• 58:20Speaker 05

  Did you ever take them and go to the stretch lab? That would be, that would be decent.

• 58:24Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, dude.

• 58:25Speaker 05

  Asian guy, like, oh my God, dude.

• 58:26Andrew Santino?

  Dude, legs are behind your head.

• 58:29Andrew Santino?

  No, dude, I used to, I took them a few times in college. A girl I saw in college, she fucking loved them. And, uh, dude, I got that. That I got.

• 58:37Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 58:37Andrew Santino?

  That's the one where I was like, holy fuck dude, these are so, this would be so easy to get addicted to.

• 58:41Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 58:41Andrew Santino?

  A hundred percent.

• 58:42Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 58:42Andrew Santino?

  Like in college, I would, I, I didn't have a, didn't have a car or any of that stuff and I, and I had a skateboard and a bike. And I would fucking skate around everywhere. Dude, I would be on a muscle relaxer skating through campus.

• 58:53Speaker 05

  That's awesome.

• 58:53Andrew Santino?

  And dude, it was the best, dude.

• 58:55Speaker 05

  They-

• 58:55Andrew Santino?

  You really were like, I'm flowing with the concrete. It's moving with me. It felt so free. But I did, in retrospect, I did, I thought there was a moment in time where I, I was on the edge of abusing. I was right on the edge of like, you know what I mean? Like a couple more weeks of it, I'd be like, oh shit, dude.

• 59:11Speaker 05

  No, muscle relaxers were like, and I, I just for some who knows reason, I just, I never liked pills. And they were like, when I was in high school, they're, I'm sure the same with you. They're everywhere. They're fucking-

• 59:19Andrew Santino?

  Everywhere, dude.

• 59:20Speaker 05

  And like someone to have their parents would be just prescribed everything.

• 59:23Andrew Santino?

  Yeah.

• 59:23Speaker 05

  But muscle relaxers were the ones, you'd be like, they couldn't get Xannies, they couldn't get perks. They'd be like, I got some muscle relaxers. If you're like, sweet, just gobble them up.

• 59:30Andrew Santino?

  Dude, you do, and you do. And you walk around all day real jello like, you're like, this is a fucking rat, dude. It's bad.

• 59:36Speaker 05

  People did like them.

• 59:37Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, the rating of somebody's cabinet in high school. Well, cause in high school, I'm a little bit older, but we're kind of the same age.

• 59:42Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 59:43Andrew Santino?

  High school Molly, well ecstasy.

• 59:45Speaker 05

  You had the E-bombs, yeah. They were, they had just phased out. That was like my older brother, the ecstasy was crazy. And then when I was in high school, it was just Percocet, Xanax. That was like, ecstasy was still there.

• 59:56Andrew Santino?

  We had ecstasy, but that was like the one. Like, and then you knew the couple of guys that could always get it and- That was in every single weekend. They were like, dude. I, I will say after you do ecstasy once, you're like, I could do this all the fucking time. It wasn't like, it wasn't like if you, if you're at a party and someone offered a bump. Some people would take it, some people wouldn't, but back then if someone had ecstasy, they were like, dude. It's like, dude, everybody wanted, you're like, give me these fucking.

• 1:00:23Speaker 05

  It was funny, a lot of them were cut with like biker meth.

• 1:00:25Andrew Santino?

  Hundred percent.

• 1:00:26Speaker 05

  And then you would just be up for like three days.

• 1:00:28Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, that's how three of my teeth are chipped, dude. I had, honestly, that was the scariest part in retrospect that, you know, the whole like, you don't know what's in it. A hundred percent didn't know what's in it. We, we had, we had shit where I, you didn't even question it. But now, that's the fucked up thing. Now, you get something you don't know what's in it, you're fent and you're gone.

• 1:00:45Speaker 05

  Yeah, you die.

• 1:00:45Andrew Santino?

  Fuck. We, no one I knew died when we were young. People get crazy sick. Couple of kids went to the hospital. But like, no die.

• 1:00:51Speaker 05

  Yeah, yeah.

• 1:00:52Andrew Santino?

  No die.

• 1:00:52Speaker 05

  It was just speed. People were getting all sped out.

• 1:00:54Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, they were just too high.

• 1:00:55Speaker 05

  Whatever else was in there. I didn't, I didn't do Molly until I was like an adult, like two years ago.

• 1:00:59Andrew Santino?

  Really?

• 1:01:00Speaker 05

  It was unbelievable.

• 1:01:01Andrew Santino?

  It's the fucking, but you do it with your wife?

• 1:01:02Speaker 05

  Yeah, me and my wife did it.

• 1:01:03Andrew Santino?

  It's the best, that's the best.

• 1:01:04Speaker 05

  It was unbelievable. It's real. I'm like, this is great.

• 1:01:07Andrew Santino?

  Yeah.

• 1:01:07Speaker 05

  But yeah, in high school, I don't know what would have happened if I did that, but.

• 1:01:11Andrew Santino?

  You and your wife decided to do Molly together? Was it like a, take a little trip?

• 1:01:14Speaker 05

  Yeah, it was just, we just got a hotel room for the day and just did Molly at like seven AM and just kinda like, just rode out the whole afternoon.

• 1:01:20Andrew Santino?

  Amazing.

• 1:01:20Speaker 05

  And we went to a PTA meeting and I, I was telling her, I was like, we're not ready to go. And she's like, I really wanna go. I was like, I'll go with you. We just sat there the whole time and I was like.

• 1:01:32Speaker 05

  It had like worn off, but you're still like, there's that afterglow and you're like. Go ahead. The teacher was talking. I'm like, she's doing such a good job. She's.

• 1:01:40Andrew Santino?

  You're killing it, Ms. Markins. You're fucking killing it. That's like mushrooms. When mushrooms is done, it's never really done. Like, it still had that lag. That like, you know, the after effect.

• 1:01:50Speaker 05

  I learned, they come in waves. So like mushrooms, like when the first time I took a lot of them. I was like, oh, I'm good to go. And I like got in my truck and drove. And it was very much not over. And I was on the road like, whoa, I drove for like 20 minutes.

• 1:02:04Andrew Santino?

  Oh, wow. That's insane. I'd had to pull over.

• 1:02:06Speaker 05

  I, dude, I drove and I got to like my friend's house and I woke up the next morning and my truck was parked like on the wrong side of his street. Backwards somehow. And I was like, holy shit. That's bad.

• 1:02:16Andrew Santino?

  You made it, dude.

• 1:02:17Speaker 05

  I did. It was very scary.

• 1:02:18Andrew Santino?

  I, we took my, took mushrooms on time. We were going to my buddy's Mike's house and they kicked in faster than I thought. And I pulled over like four or five times. It wasn't even a far drive. He like lived like two miles from my buddy's house.

• 1:02:27Speaker 05

  Yeah, that's the one thing. I remember my, I told my guitar teacher at the time, I was like, I'm gonna do mushrooms tonight. And he was like, "Don't drive." And I was like, "I won't."

• 1:02:34Andrew Santino?

  You can't. It's something about you absolutely can't drive.

• 1:02:36Speaker 05

  And I was like, "No, I won't." And then I drove and I was like, he wasn't fucking with me. It was, I thought I was being followed the whole time.

• 1:02:42Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 1:02:42Speaker 05

  The road was literally going like, and I was just like, "Oh."

• 1:02:47Andrew Santino?

  I haven't done them in a little, in a little while, but they are my favorite thing to do if I have enough time to kill. It's my favorite, but you have to have enough time. That's the, that's the problem is I'm like, gotta clear the schedule. Cause I don't wanna have a, I have to go do a thing.

• 1:03:01Speaker 05

  No, or have your phone going off, like realize you, yeah, you need like a whole day.

• 1:03:04Andrew Santino?

  Put away your phone. When you're on, when you're on any drugs, put away your phone. That's the, the phone is like the scare. When we were in high school, it was like looking in the mirror if you were too high. They were like, "Don't look in the mirror, ripped on mushrooms, it'll fuck with your head." That's the phone now. Don't look at your phone when you're too high.

• 1:03:19Speaker 05

  The internet, hitting like social media and just being like, "What the fuck."

• 1:03:22Andrew Santino?

  And now seeing like AI videos of Martin Luther King saying wild shit. You're like, "Whoa dude, I don't need this right now."

• 1:03:28Speaker 05

  I don't like the AI videos, man. They make me feel so creepy when I watch them.

• 1:03:32Andrew Santino?

  Uncomfortable, man.

• 1:03:32Speaker 05

  Yeah, people love the AI shit. I'm like, "I don't like it at all."

• 1:03:35Andrew Santino?

  Somebody sent one to me, literally today, and it was Martin Luther King, like, it was a, it was, it was a bit, it was a awful bit. You can figure it out. Yeah, you can figure it out. But it was an awful bit. And as I'm staring at it, I thought, "Ah dude, imagine, this guy's entire lego, legacy to like the youth is boiled down to like saying racist shit."

• 1:03:58Speaker 05

  I saw a post on Twitter, X, or whatever it's called yesterday, and it was like, it was like the, a retweet of a, a lady put out a thing being like, uh, OnlyFans creator does Thanksgiving with her father and the father berates her. And I'm like, "What the fuck?" And then it was like community notes, they're actually married, the man has been in jail for abusing women, and I'm like, "What, what, what is this?" He also has rape accusation. I'm like, "What, what, what is this post even mean?"

• 1:04:24Andrew Santino?

  How did we get here?

• 1:04:25Speaker 05

  Fake, it's not her dad, but the guy is also like he's her husband, but he's been beating women. He like, it's like.

• 1:04:32Andrew Santino?

  Community notes is really strange when they, when they go, let us tell you why this post is fake or

• 1:04:37Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 1:04:37Andrew Santino?

  Otherwise, and then you read and you're like, yeah, but what is, how do I know that's legit?

• 1:04:41Speaker 05

  I do, exactly.

• 1:04:42Andrew Santino?

  Who's doing all this?

• 1:04:42Speaker 05

  I guess it's just the numbers. I don't know. Cause it's also like before, just be like, hey, don't talk badly about COVID. Like whatever. Now it's like very specific and you're like, wait, I don't, I don't, I don't want to, I don't want this to be in my awareness at all.

• 1:04:54Andrew Santino?

  That is strange that they, they really got, uh, they really got controlling over any sort of jokes about COVID.

• 1:05:00Speaker 05

  Oh, yeah.

• 1:05:01Andrew Santino?

  This might not be a real thing and like flagged, it's like, show me anyway. I like, I like what he does. Show me anyway, or whatever. Keep, what is it? Like click next or show me anyway. I'm always, I'm like, show, like now on, I don't really go on Twitter anymore because I, it's a fuck it. I just, there's nothing entertaining to me anymore.

• 1:05:18Speaker 05

  Yeah, yeah.

• 1:05:19Andrew Santino?

  It's just a waste of space.

• 1:05:21Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 1:05:21Andrew Santino?

  But if I do open it up, my pay, my algorithm somehow.

• 1:05:23Speaker 05

  It's crazy, dude.

• 1:05:24Andrew Santino?

  Dude, it's insane. And it'll be like, remember faces of death? That, that's what my algorithm is now. It'll be like, it'll be like extreme accidents. And it'll be like a dude getting hit by a fucking truck. I'm like, what the fuck? How did I get here?

• 1:05:35Speaker 05

  Dude, I've gotten one.

• 1:05:36Andrew Santino?

  Elon's like, give them the extreme accidents folder.

• 1:05:38Speaker 05

  Yeah, dude. And then he'll just post a video of a flying car and I'm like, ah, I don't know.

• 1:05:43Andrew Santino?

  What the fuck?

• 1:05:43Speaker 05

  Okay, dude. Yeah. Mine are like, I'll get like white MMA fighters fighting black dudes and beating them. Like this is what a disciplined white male. I'm like, all right, that's, fuck it. That's enough of that. Wait, why you said, I don't, I have never like gone into that in the algorithm. Like, why you give me this right? Why you trying to radicalize me?

• 1:05:59Andrew Santino?

  Showing them who, what we're really made of. You're like, we? What the fuck? No, dude. Wait a minute.

• 1:06:04Speaker 05

  Trying to see if anyone messaged me on Twitter. I don't need it.

• 1:06:08Andrew Santino?

  Just trying to see how my flyer is doing online.

• 1:06:09Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 1:06:11Speaker 01

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• 1:06:15Andrew Santino?

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• 1:07:00Andrew Santino?

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• 1:07:40Andrew Santino?

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• 1:08:23Andrew Santino?

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• 1:08:56Speaker 07

  Honey, that flu keeping you up? Did you take Nyquil and sense flu? Nah, I got this. Okay, I don't got this.

• 1:09:05Speaker 05

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• 1:09:08Speaker 07

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• 1:09:16Speaker 05

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• 1:09:23Andrew Santino?

  Uses directed, keep out of reach of children. I saw, yesterday too, I saw, um, this, this bummed me out yesterday, there was like a crash in Piedmont, California. Piedmont is, I think it's Piedmont, and it was, uh, the news all day yesterday was like, Cybertruck, Cybertruck killed three teenagers or whatever. But that's, what's fucked up about it is like, the amount of people that die in accidents every day, from car accidents, it's countless, all over, across the country. But they pointed out, cause it was a Cybertruck?

• 1:09:50Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 1:09:50Andrew Santino?

  Which I was like, oh, this is very deliberate, and then I looked into it, it had nothing to do with the Cybertruck. They were just going too fast.

• 1:09:56Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 1:09:57Andrew Santino?

  These fucked up teenagers having fun. Yeah, but then I thought, man, that's so obvious media manipulation, to keep saying, Cybertruck crash with three teenagers.

• 1:10:05Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 1:10:05Andrew Santino?

  Like, what would be the difference if it was a fucking Civic? Like, if the Cybertruck failed and it caused it, I understand, that's, clearly that's why you'd bring it up in the article, but all it was, was, they were speeding.

• 1:10:16Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 1:10:17Andrew Santino?

  So you're like, oh dude, this is you, I, that's what I don't like, is when you're like, this is you just trolling Tesla. That's all you being like, see?

• 1:10:25Speaker 05

  Yup.

• 1:10:25Andrew Santino?

  See what happens when Elon fucking buys Twitter and MSNBC?

• 1:10:29Speaker 05

  Now we're gonna use this kid's death to be like, actually it was Tesla, Elon, yeah.

• 1:10:32Andrew Santino?

  It had nothing to do with them, dude, they were fucking flying.

• 1:10:34Speaker 05

  It is disgusting, dude, it does suck, we're caught in the crossfire of just billionaires, like manipulating information.

• 1:10:39Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, it sucks.

• 1:10:40Speaker 05

  From like, multiple countries too, it's kinda terrible. I will say, the one thing I've been enjoying, um, is, and it's like, I, like, I don't give a fuck what people do, but I, there are tapes now, you know Destiny, the guy who is like, he's like, he's like a YouTube arguer, he comes always like, well, actually, and they like-

• 1:10:54Andrew Santino?

  Oh, that guy, I've seen that guy, yeah.

• 1:10:56Speaker 05

  So he, a sex tape drop, and I, dude, everyone's like, up his ass, he literally, there's a tape of him like, blowing a guy. And everyone's against him, and I'm like, I actually like his response, he went on, he was like, yeah, you got me, like, whatever, sometimes I blow guys, and it was like, alright. Kind of vulnerable.

• 1:11:09Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, dude.

• 1:11:10Speaker 05

  But somehow, uh, Nick Fuentes- He's like, he's like from the darkest corner of the internet. He's like super like, he's like, super antisemitically hates. His whole thing is just like, you know, he's like a, kind of like a trolling.

• 1:11:20Andrew Santino?

  Antisemitic guy? Follow him, make sure we start following that guy.

• 1:11:23Speaker 05

  But now, he, it's a weird like internet karma. He's just been a nasty guy online. He's a pod goblin. He's a guy, he just goes and says terrible things online. Uh, which you know, we've all done, I mean, none of us are pure, but the, uh, he now, I, I think like the Pakistani government or somebody has been putting it out that he got his dick sucked by Destiny, the other online guy.

• 1:11:42Andrew Santino?

  Whoa.

• 1:11:42Speaker 05

  And these weird worlds collided in this like accusation of like a videotape. So now there's guys who don't like Nick Fuentes, who are going through Destiny's like supposed sex videos. Just to try to find this antisemitic guy blowing. Just, it's imploding. The internet's just following on itself.

• 1:12:00Andrew Santino?

  Or, or it's perfect. It's exactly where it needs to be.

• 1:12:03Speaker 05

  It was a weird thing of online karma. It's like, if you do deal the negative, it will come back somehow.

• 1:12:08Andrew Santino?

  Why did that guy, the Destiny, I have seen him argue a lot. He's the guy hits kind of has a lisp, like, yeah, he has like a little bit of a lisp.

• 1:12:13Speaker 05

  Yeah, and you kind of like seeing, it's like, you like, it's like on like the liberals get owned all the time. It's like, people like, actually, and everybody like, see this guy? Like, some other guy will come into the video like, this is exactly what I'm talking about.

• 1:12:23Andrew Santino?

  It's him versus, uh, what's the, the change my mind guy, Charlie Kirk?

• 1:12:26Speaker 05

  He's done, yeah, there was like the ideological, I do like the ideological bukkas where it's like Charlie Kirk first 27, Charlotte freshman, and they all come up like, oh, oh, fuck you.

• 1:12:36Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, I love it.

• 1:12:36Speaker 05

  And it was like, yes.

• 1:12:37Andrew Santino?

  I could tell by your blue hair that you're obviously not religious. And it was like, oh, they're fucking like, it's like an, oh, every, everything is like an own.

• 1:12:44Speaker 05

  I know.

• 1:12:45Andrew Santino?

  It's like watching and one videos from back in the day whenever it was like, oh, fucking going nuts. He does like these baby little slams on people. It is funny because these, they're always circular arguments. Because they're so embedded in their position. It's almost like, um, you're not proving anything scientifically. You're just, you're rotating your opinion.

• 1:13:03Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 1:13:03Andrew Santino?

  So these are just two rotating opinions that keep hitting each other over and over. So nothing is ever solved or even like, it's never even like a clever win. It's always like, how can I say a thing that you just don't have an answer to? That's what all those things have become. How do you just not have an answer to this? Because you're either not informed enough or you don't have the stats in front of you.

• 1:13:19Speaker 05

  Exactly.

• 1:13:20Andrew Santino?

  You know what I mean? That's all it really is. My favorite version of that is. What's the fucking, who's the old, old black guy that's like, uh?

• 1:13:27Speaker 05

  Jesse Lee Peterson?

• 1:13:27Andrew Santino?

  Is that him dude?

• 1:13:28Speaker 05

  Is he like?

• 1:13:29Andrew Santino?

  He's, he's old as shit and he's like, he's like, black people are their own worst enemy.

• 1:13:33Speaker 05

  Jesse Lee Peterson, yeah, definitely Jesse Lee Peterson, I love that guy.

• 1:13:35Andrew Santino?

  That guy's the funniest guy to ever live.

• 1:13:37Speaker 05

  Well, explain to me how you being a whore helps, yeah, he like just crushes women?

• 1:13:41Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, dude, he's great. He is incredible.

• 1:13:43Speaker 05

  But you are a slut.

• 1:13:45Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, what? Tell me why black people need God. They don't think they need God anymore. And everyone's like, look dude, you're fucking, he goes so beyond, people don't have an answer to his chaos. That's what's beautiful about him.

• 1:13:57Speaker 05

  It is kinda nice.

• 1:13:58Andrew Santino?

  He trolls, he trolls so hard that people have, at least in that format, it's pure comedy. Like, and I, he's gotta be self-aware, like, he has to know it's funny. Because the other ones feel like it, it's, it's like rigorous jerking off and never coming. They're just fighting and never coming.

• 1:14:14Speaker 05

  Yeah, they're edging, a lot of them now just talk, they're, it's like an arms race to talk faster and faster.

• 1:14:20Andrew Santino?

  Everyone wants to Shapiro each other.

• 1:14:21Speaker 05

  Shapiro, dude, he talks so fucking fast and it's just like, well, actually, 1942, and you're like, you win dude, I don't, I can't even talk.

• 1:14:27Andrew Santino?

  I can't prove any of that stuff.

• 1:14:28Speaker 05

  I can't even think that fast. Like, I'm done, I quit.

• 1:14:30Andrew Santino?

  I need to write it down as I'm listening. He, uh, the, the Destiny guy, wait, I wanna know though. Was the I gotcha moment because he's this, he's not gay, or?

• 1:14:40Speaker 05

  No, he doesn't even care. He was just like, I wasn't really putting it out there like that, but he's like, yeah, I, sometimes I fuck around and get real gay and videotape it.

• 1:14:47Andrew Santino?

  It's funny that they ran out of shit to fucking come at him for. They're like, you suck, how about you suck?

• 1:14:52Speaker 05

  Yeah, it's, he's like, yeah, I kinda, he's like, sometimes I do, but they, they caught him, they, but they like used that as being like, he had a horrible take about soldiers and they're like, of course he's out here blowing guys because he hates soldiers. And you're like, dude, just fucking take a day off, dude. Take one day off and relax.

• 1:15:07Andrew Santino?

  Trying to find those threads. It's like that Always Sunny clip where Charlie's like pinning all these things against her, just like cracked out. You're trying to find threads over why, why him sucking?

• 1:15:15Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 1:15:16Andrew Santino?

  He hates the military because he, uh, and we have video of him sucking, dude.

• 1:15:20Speaker 05

  He hates God, this well, and it's like, I don't know, it's like, yeah, maybe, but it's like, it's just, it's just sad, man, you go on, it's like, we could be hyping each other up.

• 1:15:27Andrew Santino?

  Yeah.

• 1:15:27Speaker 05

  Imagine if every day, people were just, everyone's on the internet being like, dude, you fucking rule.

• 1:15:31Andrew Santino?

  You ruled, dude.

• 1:15:32Speaker 05

  You're the best, and you're like, you fucking ruled, dude, I fucking love you, it's like, you're a fucking waste of space, you suck, you ruined the podcast, you're like, alright.

• 1:15:38Andrew Santino?

  Maybe that's the answer, though, what the next stage will be. This has to morph into something else. And now, like, with the, a second Trump era, I am interested to see, like, what the twist is. Cause the first one, the first one was like this social, combative, fucking hate fueled, everyone's mad at each other.

• 1:15:53Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 1:15:54Andrew Santino?

  Maybe the opposite will be now.

• 1:15:55Speaker 05

  It might break, yeah, the fever might break, man.

• 1:15:57Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, it might be over.

• 1:15:58Speaker 05

  He might kill, but it's like, will they give him, if he does somehow kill it, cause this is like, apparently, I don't know how much of it's real or fake, but he is like, like slashing all these different, like bureaucratic bodies, and maybe they get better, I don't know, but it's just.

• 1:16:10Andrew Santino?

  We'll see.

• 1:16:11Speaker 05

  Yeah, we will see.

• 1:16:12Andrew Santino?

  It could be. Honestly, or, or, or, nothing will change.

• 1:16:17Speaker 05

  True. Yeah, or it's just we're all reading headlines, like, oh, it's just the same, just dark machinery.

• 1:16:22Andrew Santino?

  Just zonked up. Well, because you see these videos that go, like, I saw a woman yesterday, she's crying online, and she got all this, like, attention, hate, for sure, it was all hate. And she got all this hate about, she's like, I'm gay and I'll never be able to walk down the aisle. Like, Trump is gonna take away all my rights as a woman, and as a gay woman. And then, like, the infighting underneath that, it's the most entertaining thing on fucking planet Earth. It's unbelievable, like, that should be the news. The news should just be a channel of rotating comment infighting about these videos.

• 1:16:48Speaker 05

  Dude, it kind of is the news. A lot of news is like, people are angry at blah, blah, blah, you know, and it'll be like, people are mad at Joe Rogan because of X, Y, and Z, and then it'll just be like seventeen comments, and they're like, see? Everyone's pissed at him, and it's like, this is just internet comments, you're just giving me internet comments.

• 1:17:00Andrew Santino?

  That's how I know we're in a, we're in a, uh, in a fucking fantasy time that's not even real, that, what's the girl from The View that went after Rogan?

• 1:17:08Speaker 05

  Bayhart, yeah.

• 1:17:08Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, and said he, he's like, this guy believes in dying and dragons. That's one of the funniest clips, and then Joe's like, this guy believes in dragons, he's mocking her. Dude, it's such a hilarious side by side. That's just, that's where we are now, that The View. The view is commenting on on Rogan is so funny to me dude, it's so funny.

• 1:17:29Speaker 05

  Well, they clearly, I I mean, maybe, I don't know if I'm just making this up, but they, those networks do definitely get their talking points from some sort of agendized, like, directive think tank.

• 1:17:40Andrew Santino?

  A hundred percent.

• 1:17:40Speaker 05

  Like, they definitely do. And it's like Rogan's a threat because he has billions of viewers, he's now kind of like, you know, favoring Republicans. And the same with Tesla, like Tesla has X, so they gotta take those two guys down strategically.

• 1:17:51Andrew Santino?

  Right.

• 1:17:51Speaker 05

  Just so they can, like, build oil pipelines in Ukraine, whatever the fuck they're trying to do.

• 1:17:55Andrew Santino?

  Whatever's going on in Ukraine, dude. What's going on over there, dude?

• 1:17:58Speaker 05

  I don't know.

• 1:17:59Andrew Santino?

  Call Zelensky.

• 1:18:00Speaker 05

  They have Nazis. They have Nazis, apparently.

• 1:18:02Andrew Santino?

  Do they?

• 1:18:02Speaker 05

  I think so.

• 1:18:03Andrew Santino?

  There's Nazis in Ukraine now?

• 1:18:04Speaker 05

  There are like a lot of Nazis in Ukraine.

• 1:18:06Andrew Santino?

  God damn, dude.

• 1:18:06Speaker 05

  They're like a strong faction of just like, straight up, apparently there's Nazis in Utah, I've heard. I've heard Northern Utah.

• 1:18:12Andrew Santino?

  This part makes a lot of sense to me.

• 1:18:13Speaker 05

  I've heard Northern Utah is like, like Nazis.

• 1:18:16Andrew Santino?

  Utah feels like if I was a Nazi, that's where I would go. It feels like home.

• 1:18:19Speaker 05

  It's your Nazi paradise.

• 1:18:20Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, it's Nazi paradise, dude, out there. Big streets, hills. Also, Utah, Salt Lake, I've always loved Salt Lake. Every time I go play, I'm like, such a fucking beautiful city. But then the more you sink into it, the more it feels a little bit, um, uh, uh, uh, what's that, what's that? You know, tiny, tiny boxes on the hill, Stepford shit.

• 1:18:38Speaker 05

  Stepford, yeah, yeah.

• 1:18:39Andrew Santino?

  Where it feels extremely like

• 1:18:41Speaker 05

  There's something.

• 1:18:41Andrew Santino?

  Formatted. You're almost like, who built, what built this?

• 1:18:44Speaker 05

  Yeah, man.

• 1:18:44Andrew Santino?

  It feels very like, this, it's quiet, it's organized, it's very like pristine, like, no one's really out of order. It is not, because that's when you walk around a city like LA or New York, or, like, you feel things that are, uh, you know, that are broken, you're like, ah, nice, good.

• 1:18:59Speaker 05

  Yeah, yeah.

• 1:18:59Andrew Santino?

  It feels human again, you know, you can see the cracks. But there, you're like, there's no cracks, and nobody, it, nothing feels out of order. It's really creepy to me.

• 1:19:07Speaker 05

  Yeah, well, don't they like, I think in Utah, in Salt Lake City, they have to like, they can only serve you so much liquor, and they almost have to like, write down, or there's like, limits on how many shots.

• 1:19:14Andrew Santino?

  So they, they brew beer specifically for, they have a limit on how much alcohol, so a regular Budweiser or whatever has less alcohol content there.

• 1:19:24Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 1:19:24Andrew Santino?

  Right, so they brew specifically for that and they are, I, I think they have a regulation over what they, how much they can serve you.

• 1:19:30Speaker 05

  And like liquors are things. Yeah, they close early, cause there, I thought there'd be like, like, I thought Mormons were like Amish people, there'd be like four of them, you'd see, I mean, oh, look. They're like, they run the whole city.

• 1:19:38Andrew Santino?

  No, they run that shit, dude.

• 1:19:39Speaker 05

  Everywhere, it is, it is nice, it's very, I like, kinda like it, but it's like.

• 1:19:42Andrew Santino?

  It's beautiful.

• 1:19:43Speaker 05

  It is creepy, you like, everywhere you go, something's just off, every interaction you have, it's just like, what the fuck's going on here?

• 1:19:47Andrew Santino?

  You need to feel a little bit of, fear is good, you need a little bit of a threat. You need to be like, oh man, something could hurt me in this, in this world, that's why, that's like, you know, when we got, we were just down in Australia, it's like, because so many of these animals down there don't have any predators, there's no natural predators.

• 1:20:00Speaker 05

  Yeah, yeah.

• 1:20:01Andrew Santino?

  That, like, the animals are worthless, disgusting creatures.

• 1:20:04Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 1:20:04Andrew Santino?

  Like kangaroos, you're like, they're incredible, then you see them, you're like, these things fucking gross, this is a big weird rat.

• 1:20:08Speaker 05

  They do suck, kangaroos suck.

• 1:20:09Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, they suck, it, you think it's gonna be dope and you're like, I don't know, man, it's just like a big fucking rat, a lazy weird rat.

• 1:20:16Speaker 05

  Dude, they're, that was pretty disappointing to see them, I went, I was in Australia and I saw them just like, laying around and you're like, you could feed them and shit and it was like, this is sad.

• 1:20:22Andrew Santino?

  You, no, you grab them, they don't do shit.

• 1:20:24Speaker 05

  Yeah, they, those ones are pretty docile, did you hold the koala bear or the, uh, it was a koala?

• 1:20:28Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, I held, yeah.

• 1:20:29Speaker 05

  They tell you have fucking syphilis?

• 1:20:30Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, oh yeah.

• 1:20:31Speaker 05

  I was like, oh, what the fuck is this?

• 1:20:32Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, why'd you give it to me then?

• 1:20:33Speaker 05

  Yeah, I don't want this.

• 1:20:33Andrew Santino?

  They're like, ah, nah, mate, it's alright, can't get it. He's like, I think so, we, we went to touch the quokkas too, same thing, but those things are just, they're, they're, they're just big rats, everything is a big rat. Everything there is a big fucking rat, and a koala's a rat without a tail, they're just lazy, sad, cause nothing's gonna kill them.

• 1:20:49Speaker 05

  They also fall, you know they fall from super high and they don't die for some reason?

• 1:20:52Andrew Santino?

  Well, cause they, they pass out, they just fuck, it's like thirty feet, forty feet, yeah, they'd bounce like a motherfucker.

• 1:20:57Speaker 05

  Eat it, it, it's crazy, yeah, Australia was, did you go in there, so you went in there winter time, basically?

• 1:21:02Andrew Santino?

  We just went, we just got back, two weeks ago.

• 1:21:04Speaker 05

  Yeah, how was, how was the jet lag?

• 1:21:06Andrew Santino?

  Awful, awful for these guys, you know why? Cause nobody fucking listened to me, dude, I even said it. They didn't fucking listen to me, because I said we were leaving from Perth, which is the furthest west.

• 1:21:14Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 1:21:14Andrew Santino?

  And so I said, on the first leg to Sydney, I was like, do not sleep.

• 1:21:18Speaker 05

  Yeah, stay up.

• 1:21:19Andrew Santino?

  Don't sleep, don't sleep, cause the flight we planned home, I go, when we leave, then we'll land in LA at noon.

• 1:21:25Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 1:21:25Andrew Santino?

  So, you'll be good, so sleep on the second leg as much as you can, stay up on the first, the first chunk of the second leg and then pass out, all these dildos. I, I saw Bobby, I was making fun of Bobby, he's on his iPad, and I look over to go to sleep and I go, he's in the other and I go, try to go to sleep, and he's just like.

• 1:21:42Andrew Santino?

  Right back to his fucking iPad dude, he was up the whole fucking time. So these guys were clipped for how many days? Four days?

• 1:21:47Speaker 06

  I mean, I still have remnants of it.

• 1:21:49Andrew Santino?

  Crazy.

• 1:21:50Speaker 05

  Dude, I got fucked. I was like, I'll never go back because of that. I had to do, I went to Vancouver with Shane, flew out of Vancouver to Australia. The flight there fucked me up. I had heart palpitations for like six days. And then I finally started to adjust. By the time I did that, it was, we were there for like 12 days or 14, whatever. And then I flew out, stayed up all night. We did a show last night. Uh, by the time I got back to the hotel, it was like 1 a.m. The flight was at like 7 a.m. So I didn't sleep really. So we had to get to the airport so early. And then I stayed up pretty much the whole flight back. For the most part. And then all the way to the east coast, got dropped off into the Newark airport, had to drive back to Philly from Newark after flying. And just got home and my wife was like, finally you're back. You have to take the kids. And I was like, oh.

• 1:22:33Andrew Santino?

  Zombie dad.

• 1:22:34Speaker 05

  For like dude, for like a week and a half.

• 1:22:36Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, it does, it fucked, it's awful. Well, we jumped so many time zones because we went Sydney and then we did Auckland, then we did Brisbane, Adelaide, Melbourne, then Perth. So we jumped way too many time zones anyway. We did 10 shows in 12 days.

• 1:22:49Speaker 05

  Australia is huge dude, like those flights, I'm like, oh, they'll be like 20 minute flights. Like four hour flights.

• 1:22:54Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, it was dumb. That was the dumbest, it was great, but it was the dumbest travel we've ever done. Like we should have planned that a little bit better. Cause you know, when they, when they sell you on it, they're like, dude, then you'll just go to the next show the next night. You're like, okay.

• 1:23:05Speaker 05

  Yeah, this would be great.

• 1:23:05Andrew Santino?

  What about another night? You're like, oh, okay. So we just said yes to all of it. And then as we got there, we were like, fuck dude. This is a bad idea. This is genuinely a bad idea. Yeah, but it was worth it. I mean, it was a fun, it was cool because.

• 1:23:19Andrew Santino?

  You know, people don't go down there as much, like performers don't go as much. So when you do go down there, the love was fucking crazy.

• 1:23:27Speaker 05

  Yeah, I had a blast when I was there. Everyone was cool as shit. I was just like, I'm never, the flight sucks so bad. I'm like, people are like, well, you can go like stop in Hawaii for two days. It's like.

• 1:23:34Andrew Santino?

  No dude, I'm not gonna fucking stop in Hawaii.

• 1:23:36Speaker 05

  Dedicate a month to my life to watch it. I'm not doing this.

• 1:23:38Andrew Santino?

  No, that is so funny. Stop in Hawaii.

• 1:23:40Speaker 05

  Stop in Hawaii for like a week. You can then go there. I'm like, okay, yeah.

• 1:23:43Andrew Santino?

  You chill in Hawaii?

• 1:23:44Speaker 05

  Miss retire. I'll just retire in Australia. I'll just move there.

• 1:23:47Andrew Santino?

  I'll just stop. I'll just end up in French Polynesia and just fucking call it a day. This is it. I saw him. When I do, I, when, when I first went to Australia, the first thought was, the first day I had jet lag and I was solo when I was there two years ago. And I was sitting in my hotel room and I was by myself and no one was there yet from the, from the crew that, the movie we were doing. And I had like a little bit of a panic attack and I thought, I'm so far from home.

• 1:24:10Speaker 05

  Dude, it's weird.

• 1:24:11Andrew Santino?

  I'm so far from home that if anything happened, I'm absolutely fucked. I'm stuck.

• 1:24:14Speaker 05

  And then you talk to someone from home and you feel like you're in the future. You're like, they're like, it's yesterday and you're like, what?

• 1:24:19Andrew Santino?

  What happened?

• 1:24:20Speaker 05

  What are you talking about?

• 1:24:20Andrew Santino?

  What's going on over there, dude?

• 1:24:21Speaker 05

  You're going to sleep right now? I'm just waking, it like completely, and then I would like, at nighttime, I would see the constellations and I'm like, I don't recognize these.

• 1:24:28Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, I know.

• 1:24:29Speaker 05

  I'm on the total different part of the fucking world.

• 1:24:31Andrew Santino?

  We talked about that, yeah.

• 1:24:32Speaker 05

  Dude, I'm telling you, I was having like heart palpitations and Shane kept laughing at me. I was like, dude, I'm, I'm telling you, my body is like a different electrical pole. And he was like, will you shut the fuck up?

• 1:24:40Andrew Santino?

  It's true, though.

• 1:24:41Speaker 05

  I'm like, it's electric, dude. I'm having my, my electricity, my body's freaking out. He's like, dude, shut the fuck up about the electricity in your body.

• 1:24:46Andrew Santino?

  That is a real thing, dude.

• 1:24:47Speaker 05

  I do, I know it is.

• 1:24:48Andrew Santino?

  You're upside down. You're, you're, the, the-

• 1:24:49Speaker 05

  That's what I'm saying.

• 1:24:50Andrew Santino?

  We said the other, cause the, you, some of the constellations are the same, they share, but they have ones that you do not see.

• 1:24:56Speaker 05

  It was freaking me out. Even living, I like, I'm in Texas now and I look at the sky and I'm like, oh, what the fuck is that?

• 1:25:01Andrew Santino?

  Are you guys gonna stay in Texas, you think?

• 1:25:02Speaker 05

  I think so. I like it. I actually love it a lot. Um, and yeah, it's, whatever it is, like, especially with kids, I don't want to move them around.

• 1:25:10Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, that's tough for them.

• 1:25:10Speaker 05

  By the time the oldest is six, like, it's just, we're locking it in and like, just, you know, doing a shift to wherever.

• 1:25:16Andrew Santino?

  One of the greatest guys to fucking move here, Matt fucking McCusker.

• 1:25:24Andrew Santino?

  Alright, dude, look, I appreciate you. Um, uh, you're on tour right now. You're playing tonight. Obviously, this will be out after that, but you have other dates lined up?

• 1:25:31Speaker 05

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, they're all-

• 1:25:33Andrew Santino?

  Tell the kids the dates.

• 1:25:34Speaker 05

  December's pretty much off, but I have, let me, let me bust them out.

• 1:25:36Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, bust it off, dude.

• 1:25:37Speaker 05

  I'm not even gonna pretend.

• 1:25:38Andrew Santino?

  Talk about it.

• 1:25:39Speaker 05

  Where's my phone?

• 1:25:41Speaker 05

  It's mattmccusker.com, M-C-C-U-S-K-E-R. You're not gonna remember that, but go to mattmccusker-

• 1:25:45Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, but we'll put it in the description below.

• 1:25:46Speaker 05

  There you go.

• 1:25:47Andrew Santino?

  mattmccusker.com will be in the description down below, uh, in the, uh, on the Youtubes.

• 1:25:53Speaker 05

  Yeah, and let me just give you a quick thing. Uh, Funny Bone, Ohio. I'll be there January. Dania Beach, Florida. Funny Bone, Columbus, Ohio. And it's a different Funny Bone in Ohio.

• 1:26:03Andrew Santino?

  A lot of funny bones.

• 1:26:04Speaker 05

  Michigan, all, all over the place. Go to mattmccusker.com.

• 1:26:06Andrew Santino?

  Go to mattmccusker.com. We'll put it in the description. Go see him. You're one of the funniest people I fucking, uh, am privileged to just starting, started to get to know, man. You're a fucking great dude. We end the show the same way. You look in that camera, you say one word or one phrase to end the episode, kind of impart wisdom or, uh, whatever, whatever comes to mind to end the episode.

• 1:26:24Speaker 05

  Oh, man.

• 1:26:25Andrew Santino?

  You're deep, you're a deep man. I, I feel like something's brewing in there.

• 1:26:28Speaker 05

  Yeah, just one word?

• 1:26:30Andrew Santino?

  No, you could do a phrase too, one word or a phrase. It used to be a word, but then people were like, "Oh, I wanna say a..."

• 1:26:34Speaker 05

  Give me a phrase? Dude, you know what the... So, the last book, the book I'm reading right now, I like a lot, it's called Money and the Meaning of Life. And it's like this meandering long thing, but the thing I really like is like, again, talking about like your base natures and your higher ideals and you can't ignore your base natures. And he was talking about the idea that like, you know, if you take like the worship of money, or fame, or status. He's like, "It's a real force and it's not something you should try to cut yourself off from or be like, 'I'm better than that.'" But you have to relegate it to being the second most important thing in your life. Like sex, all that stuff. It's like, you can't be ashamed of it, it's there. But just make it the second most important thing.

• 1:27:07Andrew Santino?

  Make it the second most important thing?

• 1:27:07Speaker 05

  Yeah, be a pig, be a gross, greedy pig. We all are naturally, but just try to make it the second most important thing in life.

• 1:27:12Andrew Santino?

  Perfect, dude.

• 1:27:13Speaker 05

  I love that. I've been thinking about that for a couple days.

• 1:27:15Andrew Santino?

  Oh, that is good. Make it the second most important thing.

• 1:27:16Speaker 05

  Second most important.

• 1:27:17Andrew Santino?

  Be a pig.

• 1:27:18Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 1:27:19Andrew Santino?

  Second.