Ep 206: Ari & Adrianne

The Dark Queen out now on Netflix! https://www.netflix.com/title/81900915 Episode 206 tonight with Adrienne Iapalucci and Ari Shaffir, such a fun episode. Catch Ari on his farewell tour and Adrienne on tour with Ari and also her new special on Netflix, produced by Ari and Directed by Louis C. K. Support the show and get 20% off your Chubbies order with promo code DRUNK20 at https://www.chubbiesshorts.com Subscribe to We Might Be Drunk: https://bit.ly/SubscribeToWMBD WMBD Merch: https://wemightbedrunkpod.com/ WMBD Clips Page: https://bit.ly/WMBDClips Ari Shaffir: https://www.arishaffir.com/ Adrienne Iapalucci: https://www.adrienneiapalucci.com/ Sam Morril: YouTube Channel: @sammorril Instagram: https://instagram.com/sammorril/?hl=en Tickets/Tour: https://punchup.live/sammorril/tickets Mark Normand: YouTube Channel: @marknormand Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/marknormand/?hl=en Tickets/Tour: https://punchup.live/marknormand/tickets We Might Be Drunk is produced by Gotham Production Studios https://www.gothamproductionstudios.com/ @GothamProductionStudios Producer Matt Peters: https://www.instagram.com/mrmatthewpeters/?hl=en #wemightbedrunk #marknormand #sammorril #podcast #drunkpodcast #comedy #comedian #funny #gothampodcast Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Speaker names marked ? are inferred from speaking time and the show’s known hosts — they are not voice-verified.

• 0:06Mark Normand?

  Hey, hey, folks. Here we are. We might be drunk, no winnie, but we got another bitch. All right. We got Adrian Iapulucci, one of our faves.

• 0:15Sam Morril?

  And she's got a new special on Netflix?

• 0:18Mark Normand?

  Yes.

• 0:18Sam Morril?

  What's the name?

• 0:19Speaker 02

  The Dark Queen.

• 0:21Mark Normand?

  Hey, I like that.

• 0:23Speaker 02

  I let Ari name it.

• 0:24Mark Normand?

  Ah.

• 0:25Sam Morril?

  He always called you that.

• 0:26Speaker 02

  He always called me that, yeah. So it kinda just stuck. And I was like, you're laying out all this money, so I'll let you name it.

• 0:31Sam Morril?

  Did he pay for all of it?

• 0:33Speaker 02

  He laid it all out.

• 0:34Mark Normand?

  Wow.

• 0:34Speaker 02

  And then he was like, I was like, I hope we sell this, otherwise I'm gonna owe you a lot of money.

• 0:39Sam Morril?

  No wonder he's doing pop-up shows for Yankees tickets. Put it all in your fucking special.

• 0:44Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 0:45Mark Normand?

  Damn. Wow, good for him, but it paid off. You bet on yourself and it worked.

• 0:49Speaker 02

  I mean...

• 0:50Mark Normand?

  Unlike P. Rose.

• 0:52Speaker 02

  That's true.

• 0:53Mark Normand?

  So you sold it. I mean, can we talk about the odds? Ari's ugly, you're a nobody, Louis is producing. These are a lot of strikes against you.

• 1:04Sam Morril?

  Louis directed.

• 1:04Speaker 02

  Louis directed.

• 1:05Mark Normand?

  Oh, sorry.

• 1:06Speaker 02

  Yeah, it's just, it should've been no all across the board.

• 1:10Mark Normand?

  But you pushed through and you won.

• 1:12Speaker 02

  I was actually shocked.

• 1:13Mark Normand?

  We all were. I mean, I'm happy for you.

• 1:16Speaker 02

  I was very shocked, yeah.

• 1:17Sam Morril?

  You deserve it, though. You have great jokes. I've quoted, there's a joke here that I've quoted on the pod numerous times, so I'll say it again. The one where your ex-boyfriend threatened to kill himself.

• 1:26Speaker 02

  Oh, yeah.

• 1:26Sam Morril?

  Great, now I can't kill myself. Are people gonna think we were in love?

• 1:29Speaker 02

  Oh, yeah, that's a good one. I like that joke.

• 1:31Sam Morril?

  I love just like a perfect, short, yeah, no fat. I love it.

• 1:35Mark Normand?

  That, the Ted Bundy joke I love. Oh, I love the shooter. That was a big one.

• 1:41Speaker 02

  Oh, that's on it.

• 1:42Sam Morril?

  Ash Wednesday?

• 1:43Mark Normand?

  That's on it?

• 1:43Speaker 02

  Ari wanted me to put it on there, and I was like, I didn't wanna do it because it's from my album, and he was like, please, and I was like, all right, you are paying for this, so I put it on there.

• 1:51Mark Normand?

  Yeah, well...

• 1:52Speaker 02

  And it did do great.

• 1:54Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 1:54Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:55Mark Normand?

  Well, correct me if I'm wrong, that was cut from your Netflix half hour.

• 1:58Speaker 02

  That was cut from my Netflix.

• 2:00Sam Morril?

  They asked you not to do it.

• 2:01Speaker 02

  They told me that joke had to get cut out.

• 2:03Mark Normand?

  Look at that.

• 2:03Speaker 02

  I was like, can I fight for it? They were like, no. Well, I asked my manager, I was like, can I fight for it? She was like, no.

• 2:08Mark Normand?

  Damn.

• 2:08Sam Morril?

  Sometimes it's nice when a joke gets cut, though, because you just, you get it back.

• 2:12Speaker 02

  I got it back.

• 2:12Mark Normand?

  That's true.

• 2:13Speaker 02

  And now it lives here.

• 2:14Sam Morril?

  It happened with my Amazon. They asked me not to use one, and I was like, I get to open with it now.

• 2:18Mark Normand?

  Yeah, good point.

• 2:19Sam Morril?

  My opener's like, you wanna hear one they cut? And it gets like a bigger pop, I feel like.

• 2:23Speaker 02

  They made me cut the first six minutes, though.

• 2:25Mark Normand?

  Jesus.

• 2:26Sam Morril?

  First six?

• 2:27Speaker 02

  The first six minutes got cut.

• 2:28Sam Morril?

  That's hilarious that your most offensive shit is what you opened with.

• 2:31Speaker 02

  It's no, that's not the most offensive stuff. That is the stuff that is the nicest and sets the tone. Cause I was like, this might go on YouTube.

• 2:38Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 2:38Speaker 02

  And they were like, we wanna get to people being upset quicker. Or whatever, or they didn't say that specifically, but they're like, we just know the algorithm and people will check out. So they're like, cut the first six minutes. So like, the first joke is pretty tough.

• 2:52Mark Normand?

  It was too soft for them. So they're like, get rid of it?

• 2:54Speaker 02

  I think they're just like, you're nobody. And if you're nobody and you're doing these jokes that kind of aren't like, I guess, I don't know, whatever they say, whatever they think.

• 3:04Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 3:05Speaker 02

  Cause it's like, the first joke is about shelter dogs.

• 3:09Mark Normand?

  Hmm.

• 3:09Speaker 02

  And then I go right into the Middle East. So they're like, we wanna get to that right away. And I was like, alright.

• 3:14Mark Normand?

  Well, this is a good comedy lesson. I feel like your, your half hour, you were just Adrian. This one, you're like, I'm the dark queen. So they want the dark shit.

• 3:22Speaker 02

  Maybe, but I feel like that was also dark.

• 3:24Sam Morril?

  But I've seen her work clean. I mean, you did a Letterman set back in.

• 3:27Mark Normand?

  Oh, yeah, that's right.

• 3:29Speaker 02

  I'm not really dirty. It's just dark.

• 3:31Mark Normand?

  Right.

• 3:32Speaker 02

  Like, I always get lumped in with dirty comics and I'm not super dirty.

• 3:36Sam Morril?

  Yeah, cause the, the half hour you did was the dirty show, right?

• 3:39Speaker 02

  Well, it was only like seventeen minutes. Uh, that was just the degenerates.

• 3:42Sam Morril?

  But that was like their version of the dirty show.

• 3:44Speaker 02

  Sure, but like also they already, oh, Ari always thinks it's funny that they cut that joke from the degenerates.

• 3:51Mark Normand?

  I know.

• 3:51Speaker 02

  Like it was too degenerate for them.

• 3:53Mark Normand?

  Exactly. Hilarious. Oh, here you are.

• 3:56Speaker 02

  Oh, God, that's how I play this.

• 3:58Mark Normand?

  Oh, thirteen.

• 3:58Sam Morril?

  You can't do this joke on Netflix. Uh, next up, Ted Bundy murders.

• 4:03Mark Normand?

  I know, right?

• 4:03Sam Morril?

  That's their algorithm. Yeah, let's see, can we see a clip?

• 4:06Speaker 02

  Oh, what are we doing this for?

• 4:08Sam Morril?

  Oh, I mean, we're fans.

• 4:09Mark Normand?

  The public, the public wants to see you. We wanna get, let them get to know you. Uh-oh, we're, we're off on sound, but this is a great, I remember the police or the fireman joke?

• 4:18Speaker 02

  Uh, the female cop joke.

• 4:19Mark Normand?

  Female cop.

• 4:20Sam Morril?

  That was a good one. And the chapstick.

• 4:22Speaker 02

  The chapstick.

• 4:22Mark Normand?

  Yes.

• 4:24Speaker 02

  Chapstick.

• 4:25Sam Morril?

  What was, what was the female cop joke again? It's basically they, can you do?

• 4:28Speaker 02

  Uh, this is like torture. This is like, no, I don't.

• 4:32Mark Normand?

  I get it.

• 4:33Speaker 02

  It's fine.

• 4:33Mark Normand?

  I wouldn't wanna watch me either.

• 4:35Speaker 02

  Um, something about like two cops. It's like, I'll just do this myself.

• 4:39Mark Normand?

  Oh, yes.

• 4:40Speaker 02

  Two female cops show up. You're like, now we're all gonna get robbed. Great.

• 4:42Mark Normand?

  Yes. My lady loves that joke. And that's when I was like, she might be a keeper. She gets it.

• 4:48Sam Morril?

  Was Dave cool?

• 4:50Speaker 02

  He was very cool. He was very nice, yeah.

• 4:52Mark Normand?

  It's a good distinction between dark and dirty because I did a show, uh, I did a show somewhere at a youth group or something and this young black kid was like, "I have a show in Harlem. It's at my church group. You gotta be clean." I said, "No problem." And I went up there and I said, "So my gay roommate," and he's in the back going, "And I didn't know they, they don't fuck with that."

• 5:12Speaker 02

  Right.

• 5:13Sam Morril?

  They don't fuck with just mentioning a gay guy?

• 5:15Mark Normand?

  No, they're like, "Don't, don't do gay."

• 5:17Speaker 02

  In church, no. You can't be, like, you can't be gay.

• 5:19Sam Morril?

  That's hilarious.

• 5:19Mark Normand?

  And this is Harlem in 2012 or something.

• 5:23Speaker 02

  Right, but that's not even, you're like, "I'm not saying anything dirty."

• 5:26Mark Normand?

  But it was just the gay mention was out.

• 5:28Speaker 02

  I mean, there's like a couple of jokes in there where I'm like saying some dirty stuff, but like, yeah, overall, people just assume if you're dark, you're like a dirty comic. I, I'm always lumped in with that.

• 5:37Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 5:37Sam Morril?

  I've seen you, like, when it goes south and it's kind of funny to watch.

• 5:41Speaker 02

  Oh, for sure.

• 5:42Sam Morril?

  Because the types of jokes you do aren't just, like, you're not just bombing, but they're like mad at you.

• 5:47Speaker 02

  Yeah, they're always mad.

• 5:49Mark Normand?

  Yes, that's true.

• 5:50Speaker 02

  It's not like they just aren't into it. They're upset, which also I feel like it gives me so much power, like, when somebody gets up and leaves a show where it's like, "You came here and now I'm making you so upset where you can't even stay."

• 6:03Mark Normand?

  Right.

• 6:04Speaker 02

  So anytime somebody leaves, I feel like it's a compliment.

• 6:06Mark Normand?

  Damn.

• 6:07Speaker 02

  I don't even take it as offensive. I'm like, "You're giving me so much power right now."

• 6:11Sam Morril?

  You do the same in your personal life? You're like, "I'm fucking awesome."

• 6:13Speaker 02

  I'm, I'm great. I'm killing it right now.

• 6:15Mark Normand?

  Is it, give me, give it to me straight. Ninety-eight percent women who get mad?

• 6:21Speaker 02

  Oh, yeah. I don't know if any men have ever gotten.

• 6:24Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 6:25Sam Morril?

  How do you think that is?

• 6:27Speaker 02

  I don't know.

• 6:28Mark Normand?

  I think it's a female nurturing weird thing, like, "This is over the line. This is inappropriate." Whereas men are like, "Hey, this is fun."

• 6:34Sam Morril?

  What was the joke that usually does it? Is there one?

• 6:37Speaker 02

  I don't know. I, it depends where I'm at. I remember, I was just talking about this with Jared. Like, I was in the south in Dallas and, like, I walked, like, twenty cowboys on a military joke.

• 6:47Mark Normand?

  Whoa.

• 6:48Speaker 02

  And they stayed, they stayed like my whole set. It was like ninety percent done and then that was their thing where they were like, "I'm out."

• 6:54Sam Morril?

  It is weird because it's like, if you, if someone's telling dark jokes, one thing's gonna hit you.

• 7:01Speaker 02

  I know, but they stayed for so long.

• 7:03Sam Morril?

  No, that's my point. It's weird to have a line when you're like, okay, laughing at everything else.

• 7:08Speaker 02

  I think what I was saying particularly was right and they were mad that it was right.

• 7:13Sam Morril?

  Do you remember what it was?

• 7:14Speaker 02

  It's in the special. It's something about how we don't really care about people in the military.

• 7:17Mark Normand?

  Oh.

• 7:18Speaker 02

  And they're, and like, they were, they were mad. And there was two military guys, the one here and one here. And this guy got mad and this one was like, you're right.

• 7:25Mark Normand?

  Oh.

• 7:28Speaker 02

  I don't remember the joke because it's a while ago, but something like that, how we don't actually give a shit about them.

• 7:32Mark Normand?

  I think that's, that helps them. That's like raising awareness.

• 7:35Speaker 02

  I know, but like, I guess these people like know we do. It's like, I've dated a lot of guys in the military. They're like a hot mess.

• 7:42Mark Normand?

  Oh, well, for sure. The mental stuff.

• 7:43Speaker 02

  Just keep them there. Once you take them, they belong there now.

• 7:46Sam Morril?

  Yeah, this joke is personal to you.

• 7:48Mark Normand?

  Right.

• 7:49Speaker 02

  Sure, yeah.

• 7:50Sam Morril?

  I mean, I remember, remember Bill Hicks had that joke where he's like, I'm in the weird position where I'm for the war, but against the troops? That's a great joke.

• 7:57Speaker 02

  It's very funny.

• 7:58Mark Normand?

  Damn. Well, you know what it's kind of like? It's kind of like jail. You know, these guys will murder everybody. They'll kill their wives. They'll beat the shit out of women. But if you fuck a kid, they're like, whoa, we're gonna kill you now. But like, you guys are all hardened criminals. You murderers.

• 8:11Speaker 02

  But that's their line.

• 8:12Mark Normand?

  That's their line.

• 8:12Speaker 02

  They're good at fucking.

• 8:13Sam Morril?

  Yeah. There's a, there's a line.

• 8:16Mark Normand?

  There's always a line. I mean, I, I'm sure you've heard my story. I did a show in Kentucky. A lady came up to me. She's like, you gotta stop saying retard. I have a retarded niece or whatever. And I was like, well, what'd you think of the Holocaust joke? She goes, those were great.

• 8:28Speaker 02

  Right.

• 8:28Mark Normand?

  So it's, it's just their thing.

• 8:30Speaker 02

  Everyone has their thing, yeah.

• 8:31Sam Morril?

  By the way, retards didn't do great in the Holocaust either.

• 8:34Mark Normand?

  That's true. Good point. By the way, they rounded up a couple, uh, black and gay as well, but they don't get any, uh, they don't get any, any, they need a publicist.

• 8:43Sam Morril?

  Don't get enough love.

• 8:44Mark Normand?

  Yeah. Cause it was, what is it? You kill one guy, it's a murder. You kill a bunch, it's a statistic.

• 8:51Mark Normand?

  Is that it?

• 8:51Sam Morril?

  I don't know.

• 8:52Mark Normand?

  All right.

• 8:53Sam Morril?

  Yeah, it's, uh, it is weird when people just have that line. I, I've listened before, but then sometimes we're just, they, it's their thing. Like Jews will do it to me with, they're like, what you said is anti-Semitic. I'm like, no, it's not.

• 9:04Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 9:05Sam Morril?

  But if you feel that way, then you feel that.

• 9:07Speaker 02

  That's your opinion. That's the thing. It's your opinion. I mean, I've had people, I have like walked somebody on like a Ukraine joke. This is back when people cared about that.

• 9:13Sam Morril?

  Yeah.

• 9:14Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 9:14Speaker 02

  You know, things keep changing.

• 9:16Mark Normand?

  I know, right?

• 9:16Speaker 02

  About changes. But like, yeah, it depends what their line is and what their thing is. Death of a man is a tragedy.

• 9:21Mark Normand?

  That's my hero.

• 9:22Sam Morril?

  We need more Stalin jokes on the pod.

• 9:24Mark Normand?

  He's my, uh, background. My phone background.

• 9:27Speaker 02

  Okay, I have a joke about how, you ever see how hot Stalin was when he was younger?

• 9:31Mark Normand?

  Yes.

• 9:32Sam Morril?

  Let's pull it up.

• 9:32Speaker 02

  So hot.

• 9:33Mark Normand?

  Stalin is pretty sexy.

• 9:34Sam Morril?

  A lot of young, powerful people, uh, they look good.

• 9:38Mark Normand?

  Yeah, well, kids are hot.

• 9:39Sam Morril?

  Yeah.

• 9:40Mark Normand?

  Wait, what? I mean, oh, yeah, look at that.

• 9:43Sam Morril?

  Is that Jake Gyllenhaal? Holy shit.

• 9:44Mark Normand?

  I know.

• 9:48Mark Normand?

  Oh, yeah.

• 9:50Sam Morril?

  Good-looking guy.

• 9:52Mark Normand?

  That's great, that's great. That Post Malone'd him. Ah, that's a good time. Yeah, young people are attractive.

• 10:00Speaker 02

  Not all, though.

• 10:01Mark Normand?

  Yeah, that's true. Haley Joel Osment.

• 10:04Sam Morril?

  Some kids peak.

• 10:05Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 10:06Sam Morril?

  Some kids, like the Rizler, I think this is as good as it's gonna get.

• 10:09Mark Normand?

  Oh, 100%.

• 10:10Sam Morril?

  But he's, he's a fat kid.

• 10:11Speaker 02

  What can he do, though?

• 10:13Mark Normand?

  This?

• 10:14Sam Morril?

  Yeah.

• 10:14Speaker 02

  But like after that now.

• 10:16Mark Normand?

  I guess porn.

• 10:17Sam Morril?

  He's gonna be at Comic Con at 30, he's gonna be 500 pounds, and he's just like, mm, and they're like, eh, doesn't really do it anymore.

• 10:24Mark Normand?

  Haley Joel Osment got uglier, and I hate to say it, Dakota Fanning. Dakota Fanning was a cute kid, and she, uh, grew up, and you're like, oh, she's gonna be hot, I bet.

• 10:34Speaker 02

  She's okay.

• 10:35Mark Normand?

  She's okay.

• 10:37Sam Morril?

  It is weird, though, to say she's gonna be hot, I bet. The feeling of, the scouting feeling.

• 10:42Mark Normand?

  Yeah, that's a tough one.

• 10:43Sam Morril?

  Not good.

• 10:43Mark Normand?

  That's a tough one.

• 10:44Sam Morril?

  But we all think it.

• 10:45Mark Normand?

  Yeah. What about the kid from Jerry Maguire? Was there a cuter fucking kid on the planet than that son of a bitch with the glasses and the spiky hair?

• 10:53Sam Morril?

  He went the other way, though. He got, like, prison-ripped.

• 10:55Mark Normand?

  Did he?

• 10:56Sam Morril?

  I think so.

• 10:56Speaker 02

  Wait, I wanna see.

• 10:57Mark Normand?

  Look how cute that is!

• 10:58Speaker 02

  He's cute there, yeah.

• 11:00Mark Normand?

  Oh, my god!

• 11:01Speaker 02

  There's also something really cute about a kid with glasses.

• 11:02Mark Normand?

  Yes!

• 11:03Sam Morril?

  Look at him now, though. Look at, look in the corner, in the right.

• 11:06Mark Normand?

  Oh, no!

• 11:08Speaker 02

  Disgusting.

• 11:09Mark Normand?

  That's a bummer.

• 11:11Sam Morril?

  Too many people pinched his cheeks as a kid, and he was like, fuck you, never again.

• 11:14Mark Normand?

  Yeah, I guess so.

• 11:15Speaker 02

  He also didn't grow much. He's almost the same height. That's disgusting.

• 11:21Mark Normand?

  I think that's more of what it is. I'm short, I gotta be buff.

• 11:23Speaker 02

  Yeah, cuz I'm tiny.

• 11:25Mark Normand?

  It's like when guys go bald and they grow a beard, they're like, I gotta have some control. Five nine, okay.

• 11:30Speaker 02

  Five nine is not, that's not five nine.

• 11:32Mark Normand?

  Alright, yeah, that's true. Every guy bumps up.

• 11:35Speaker 02

  Couple inches.

• 11:36Mark Normand?

  I'm five nine. I tell everybody I'm five ten.

• 11:39Sam Morril?

  Are you five nine?

• 11:39Mark Normand?

  Yeah, you can put the shoes on, it's five ten.

• 11:45Mark Normand?

  What are you, five, six?

• 11:47Speaker 02

  Five, six, five, seven?

• 11:48Mark Normand?

  Yeah, okay.

• 11:50Speaker 02

  How tall are you, Sam?

• 11:51Sam Morril?

  I say six, three, but...

• 11:53Mark Normand?

  Everybody bumps.

• 11:54Sam Morril?

  Six, two and a half.

• 11:56Mark Normand?

  I go up with an inch with a dick, too. With a dick, I go three inches.

• 12:00Speaker 02

  You round up three inches?

• 12:01Mark Normand?

  Yeah, I gotta go up a little.

• 12:03Speaker 02

  Three inches is insane, though.

• 12:05Mark Normand?

  That was the joke.

• 12:06Sam Morril?

  We're both two nine, so we say three.

• 12:08Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 12:10Speaker 02

  That'd be insane if you had a three inch dick.

• 12:12Mark Normand?

  That would be a bummer, but they say, uh, pull this up. Now I sound like the small dick guy, but they say...

• 12:18Speaker 02

  No, I love this.

• 12:18Mark Normand?

  A woman only feels the two inches in, or something.

• 12:22Speaker 02

  I mean, sure, I feel a tampon when it's in, it's not great.

• 12:25Mark Normand?

  Oh, yeah.

• 12:27Sam Morril?

  That's definitely a small dick scientist.

• 12:29Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 12:30Sam Morril?

  He's like, the rest is bullshit, guys, sorry.

• 12:32Speaker 02

  You don't really need it, it's extra.

• 12:34Mark Normand?

  Right.

• 12:35Sam Morril?

  He's just like mocking them, they're in the gym, he's like, look at that big, useless dick.

• 12:39Sam Morril?

  It has nothing.

• 12:40Mark Normand?

  Four inches. Average depth, but how does that work if there's a big ol' dong going in there that's eight inches?

• 12:47Speaker 02

  It just, the whole thing doesn't go in.

• 12:49Mark Normand?

  Is that right?

• 12:50Speaker 02

  Mm-hmm.

• 12:51Mark Normand?

  But then women say they like a big dong, but if it doesn't go all the way in, what's the point?

• 12:55Speaker 02

  Everyone is not the same inside.

• 12:56Mark Normand?

  I think you're right. You've been with a couple of, uh...

• 13:02Mark Normand?

  BLMs?

• 13:03Speaker 02

  Um... Black Lives Matter?

• 13:05Mark Normand?

  Yeah, you, you, there's definitely a difference there, I mean, what, are you getting that whole thing in?

• 13:10Speaker 02

  Um, no, for sure not.

• 13:12Mark Normand?

  Oh, wow, okay.

• 13:14Speaker 02

  Like, that's the end, you hit the end.

• 13:15Mark Normand?

  Damn.

• 13:16Speaker 02

  You're gonna have to pull back.

• 13:18Mark Normand?

  It just says, you got a U-turn, it's like a cul-de-sac?

• 13:20Speaker 02

  That's just, yeah, we gotta, we gotta back up.

• 13:22Sam Morril?

  No good.

• 13:24Speaker 02

  You gotta reverse it there.

• 13:25Sam Morril?

  You get the soreness?

• 13:26Mark Normand?

  Beep, beep, beep.

• 13:27Speaker 02

  Yeah, I mean, it'll be like you just worked out.

• 13:30Mark Normand?

  Damn.

• 13:30Speaker 02

  The day after, you're like, I can't really walk.

• 13:32Mark Normand?

  Ah, my lady's doing cartwheels after we fuck.

• 13:35Speaker 02

  I wonder that.

• 13:36Sam Morril?

  Where the gay dudes take cocks and workout all the time?

• 13:38Mark Normand?

  Oh, yeah.

• 13:40Speaker 02

  I think you build up your, no, I think you have to build it up. Do you know what I mean? Like, I think you build up a tolerance to it.

• 13:45Mark Normand?

  To big dong.

• 13:46Sam Morril?

  Yeah.

• 13:47Speaker 02

  To big dongs.

• 13:48Mark Normand?

  I see. Oh, wow. Cause the first one's gotta be tough.

• 13:53Speaker 02

  The fir-, I mean, I guess if you keep doing it over and over, it gets easier, I think.

• 13:58Sam Morril?

  A butt's gotta hurt way more than a vagina.

• 14:00Speaker 02

  That's not even happening.

• 14:01Sam Morril?

  No.

• 14:02Mark Normand?

  That's true. Yeah, call in if you're gay. I'd like to hear from your ass.

• 14:07Sam Morril?

  Should we FaceTime Mateo again?

• 14:08Mark Normand?

  No.

• 14:09Sam Morril?

  He's our go-to.

• 14:10Speaker 02

  He's your go-to gay.

• 14:11Sam Morril?

  Gay correspondent. He's my, he's my neighbor. I went downstairs yesterday. He's like, come over, I'll make, I got a new coff-, got like, sent a $900 coffee machine for free. So he's making me a nice latte. He's doing the art. He's like showing off.

• 14:24Mark Normand?

  Wow.

• 14:25Sam Morril?

  He hands it to me, and then a woman just comes in and starts doing his makeup. He's going to some gala.

• 14:30Mark Normand?

  Wow.

• 14:31Sam Morril?

  And she's just doing his makeup while we're hanging out. I was like, man, we're, we're different dudes.

• 14:35Mark Normand?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 14:36Sam Morril?

  We get along well, but it's a very different.

• 14:37Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 14:38Mark Normand?

  He's living. Good for him. He's like sashaying around town. Speaking of bummer's.

• 14:43Sam Morril?

  Oh, boy.

• 14:43Mark Normand?

  Ah.

• 14:44Sam Morril?

  Oh, my god.

• 14:45Mark Normand?

  Aw, geez.

• 14:46Sam Morril?

  Came here straight from the game.

• 14:47Speaker 02

  You're doing the, you're doing the Yankees.

• 14:49Sam Morril?

  I've been homeless since they lost. I've been just going out looking at like how they should have played that, played better at second base. Are you going tonight, too? Yeah. Oh, my god. Yeah, we added a show to pay for tickets. Me, Ken, and Renazisi were like, well, we can't afford this. So, well, we do have a.

• 15:06Speaker 02

  They're gonna lose.

• 15:07Sam Morril?

  Yeah, I know.

• 15:07Speaker 02

  So why are you going?

• 15:09Sam Morril?

  Because we added a show to pay for it. And the show isn't like a month.

• 15:14Sam Morril?

  Yeah, the show's November 11th. Doesn't matter. Yesterday.

• 15:17Mark Normand?

  Is it Otani? Do we blame Otani? The, uh?

• 15:19Sam Morril?

  No, they're way better. Dodgers are way better.

• 15:21Mark Normand?

  I don't know, that kid's good.

• 15:22Sam Morril?

  I'm so glad I didn't get in on this. I love you. Yeah. And I felt bad having to not get in on this, but like, I, I just. God, we sucked. The Dodgers are really good. Dodgers are good, and the Yankees just fucking suck!

• 15:33Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 15:33Sam Morril?

  Yeah. Judge sucks.

• 15:35Mark Normand?

  How did they get so far, though, by sucking?

• 15:37Sam Morril?

  They didn't suck. They played some bad teams, and they, they're good. They just aren't as good as the Dodgers.

• 15:42Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 15:43Sam Morril?

  Worst record for a. Judge is fucking choking. Judge is hitting 140.

• 15:47Mark Normand?

  Ah.

• 15:49Sam Morril?

  That's.

• 15:49Mark Normand?

  Well, you lost the Yankees, but you got a special.

• 15:52Sam Morril?

  That's right. We did get a special. Adrian Appeluch is dark wing.

• 15:56Mark Normand?

  Hey!

• 15:57Sam Morril?

  This is the best thing that happened to the Bronx.

• 15:59Speaker 02

  I don't know about that.

• 15:59Sam Morril?

  There'll be no parade in November.

• 16:01Mark Normand?

  She's a Bronx bomber.

• 16:02Speaker 02

  That's true. I bomb all over town.

• 16:05Speaker 03

  What are you guys drinking?

• 16:06Mark Normand?

  Oh, we're waiting for you.

• 16:08Speaker 03

  Okay, thank you.

• 16:10Mark Normand?

  He needs a drink after that, that run.

• 16:12Sam Morril?

  Were you drunk at the game last night?

• 16:13Speaker 03

  Yeah, I was a little tuned up. Plus, some guy in front of us was on the show, Cannon saw him on the show, The Boys. He was the fast one, you know, the fast black one.

• 16:22Mark Normand?

  Yes.

• 16:22Sam Morril?

  Yeah, he set the table, the guy who started the show. He killed the person.

• 16:26Mark Normand?

  Oh, that's right.

• 16:26Speaker 03

  That's right, that's right. Anyway, that's why I know tickets are too expensive if that guy is sitting directly in front of us and we're in the 300s.

• 16:32Mark Normand?

  Wow.

• 16:34Speaker 03

  Yeah, but, uh, he left a beer there. He got up to leave in the eighth.

• 16:39Speaker 02

  Did you get it?

• 16:39Speaker 03

  Yeah, me and Renesee's kid, Renesee's kid's like, I don't think that's open. And I was like, pull a real Norman, see eye to eye on that. And I tapped it.

• 16:47Sam Morril?

  Unopened is not.

• 16:48Speaker 03

  Unopened.

• 16:49Speaker 02

  Unopened is fine.

• 16:50Mark Normand?

  Yeah, that's a, that's a $14 beer or whatever.

• 16:52Speaker 03

  It's $16.50.

• 16:53Sam Morril?

  It was cracked.

• 16:54Speaker 02

  This guy was at the fucking thing?

• 16:55Speaker 03

  Sitting directly in front of us, that is him.

• 16:58Mark Normand?

  Can't get it all the way in.

• 16:59Speaker 02

  So hot.

• 17:00Sam Morril?

  When you see these people behind home plate, though, and they're not, and they're on their phone, and you're just like, oh, he's like a 25.

• 17:04Mark Normand?

  I know.

• 17:05Speaker 03

  I know.

• 17:06Mark Normand?

  I know.

• 17:06Sam Morril?

  Fucking suck.

• 17:07Speaker 03

  At the, at the Dodger games, that's, that's all it is.

• 17:09Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 17:10Speaker 03

  I just want to be there.

• 17:11Sam Morril?

  Yeah.

• 17:11Mark Normand?

  Oh, I went to the Super Bowl and the Phoenix one, and it was a million guys just doing this the whole time. And you want to go, what are you doing? The worst is the, the hot girl doing this. I'm at the Dodger game. You're like, you're not even watching.

• 17:22Speaker 03

  We saw, I was with, it might have been with Dave Smith, somebody, but we were at a Jets game, one of those publicist tickets, who was like front row. Father and son next to us, having a great time. Early third, two ladies come in and it's their seat. But no, like, understanding of like, oh, here's a dad with his kid. He's just, they're like, oh, you gotta move. That's our seat. And he's like, all right, all right, all right, I'm getting up. And they're like, now? And he was like, they sat for seven minutes and then went back to the fucking buffet.

• 17:49Mark Normand?

  Damn.

• 17:50Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 17:50Speaker 02

  Yeah, but then they got to move back.

• 17:52Speaker 03

  No, they were gone.

• 17:53Speaker 02

  Wow.

• 17:54Speaker 03

  You gotta make a decision when someone comes and when you're in their seat. How do you play it?

• 17:57Speaker 02

  Get the hell out.

• 17:59Speaker 03

  But do you say sorry? Or do you go, yeah, I was just trying to sit here for a while? Or do you go, oh my, oh, is this not my seat at all?

• 18:03Sam Morril?

  Play dumb.

• 18:04Mark Normand?

  Yeah, you gotta go dumb.

• 18:05Speaker 02

  I would just be like, no one was here. How stupid can you be? That you're like, the best seats I thought were mine?

• 18:11Speaker 03

  Oh, shit.

• 18:12Sam Morril?

  Holy shit, this is bleached? I thought it was, wow, okay.

• 18:17Speaker 02

  How did I miss that up?

• 18:18Speaker 03

  Oh, I thought because my teeth were bleached years ago.

• 18:23Sam Morril?

  What do you, what do you want, Ari? We have, we had anything.

• 18:26Speaker 03

  Well, let's uh, make something with an olive.

• 18:29Mark Normand?

  Oh, we got a ton of olives in there.

• 18:31Speaker 03

  Your bartender wrote me from Cambodia, from the wild.

• 18:33Mark Normand?

  The beer Jew?

• 18:34Speaker 03

  The beer Jew, yeah.

• 18:36Sam Morril?

  Can you bring it over? I'll, I'll do the martinis in a shaker if you want.

• 18:38Speaker 03

  You're gonna do a martini?

• 18:39Mark Normand?

  Martini?

• 18:39Speaker 03

  Yeah, let's do a martini for a World Series run.

• 18:42Sam Morril?

  Vodka.

• 18:42Mark Normand?

  You don't drink, right?

• 18:43Speaker 03

  Vodka.

• 18:43Sam Morril?

  Alright.

• 18:44Speaker 02

  No, I'll watch you guys drink.

• 18:45Mark Normand?

  Okay.

• 18:46Sam Morril?

  Some would say, is it really a martini with vodka instead of gin, but I'm-

• 18:49Speaker 03

  Who would say that?

• 18:50Sam Morril?

  I've heard people say that.

• 18:51Speaker 03

  What? It's done both ways.

• 18:52Mark Normand?

  It is.

• 18:53Sam Morril?

  It is. I, I prefer, I'm actually good either way, but I'm good with vodka.

• 18:57Speaker 03

  Yeah, you prefer, but, but to say it's not real, that's like saying like, don't put salt on a meal at a restaurant.

• 19:02Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 19:03Sam Morril?

  Belvedere.

• 19:04Mark Normand?

  That is good shit.

• 19:05Sam Morril?

  Yeah. You have the shaker, I'll shake it up.

• 19:06Mark Normand?

  You have vermouth?

• 19:07Speaker 03

  You gotta get Mr. Belvedere on the show.

• 19:12Speaker 03

  Oh, nice. In your face, Sam. In your fucking face. You thought that was vermouth and you have a drinking show.

• 19:18Sam Morril?

  I was making sure it wasn't sweet vermouth, there's a color. Common mistake. That's a good move right there.

• 19:23Mark Normand?

  There you go.

• 19:24Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 19:24Speaker 02

  I don't know what any of this means.

• 19:25Mark Normand?

  So when's the special dropping, by the way?

• 19:27Speaker 03

  November 12th.

• 19:27Speaker 02

  November 12th.

• 19:28Mark Normand?

  Hell, yeah.

• 19:29Speaker 03

  Yeah, pretty fucking excited about it. Louis directed it.

• 19:33Sam Morril?

  How did that come together with Louis coming on board?

• 19:36Speaker 02

  Um-

• 19:37Mark Normand?

  You were in a hotel.

• 19:38Speaker 02

  He was gonna just do my special, he was gonna put it behind a paywall at first.

• 19:42Mark Normand?

  Oh.

• 19:43Speaker 02

  Kind of like Bobby's, and then-

• 19:44Speaker 03

  We had to talk him out of that.

• 19:45Mark Normand?

  Yeah, smart.

• 19:47Speaker 03

  Like, nobody's gonna see that.

• 19:48Speaker 02

  I was just like, I need people, and Bobby was, Bobby was trying to convince me to do it, though. He's like, people are gonna see it. I'm like, they're not gonna buy it. Nobody knows who I am.

• 19:55Mark Normand?

  Right.

• 19:55Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 19:56Mark Normand?

  They didn't buy his.

• 19:58Speaker 02

  I'm sure Moro bought his and then would buy mine.

• 20:01Mark Normand?

  Maybe. He's got a bit of a following, but are you excited for the backlash?

• 20:06Speaker 03

  The backlash.

• 20:07Mark Normand?

  You're gonna get a ton of women going, hey, this-

• 20:10Speaker 03

  There's definitely some feminists who'll just go, how dare Louis, how dare Netflix work with Louis. They're gonna leave out the fact that he's actually in the process of helping a female comedian.

• 20:18Speaker 02

  No one cares about that.

• 20:19Speaker 03

  No one cares.

• 20:19Speaker 02

  I'm not the right female comic to help, that's why.

• 20:22Speaker 03

  You're, that is true.

• 20:23Mark Normand?

  Good point.

• 20:24Speaker 02

  I'm not the right female to help.

• 20:26Speaker 03

  You're-

• 20:27Speaker 02

  There's only certain women that feminists like.

• 20:29Speaker 03

  You're the Tim Dillon gay of female comics.

• 20:31Mark Normand?

  Yes. Same body.

• 20:33Speaker 02

  Same body.

• 20:36Mark Normand?

  But yeah, no, you're right. That's a good point. They want to help certain women and not all.

• 20:39Speaker 02

  They want to help certain women. I'm not the right one.

• 20:42Mark Normand?

  It's like if they go, we need a women of color. You go, how about that Candace Owens? They go, well, crazy.

• 20:46Speaker 02

  No, yeah, that's not like.

• 20:46Mark Normand?

  You said women of color.

• 20:47Speaker 03

  Yeah, Milo.

• 20:48Speaker 02

  Yeah, there's only certain ones.

• 20:50Mark Normand?

  Milo.

• 20:50Speaker 03

  You gotta get Milo in here to eat Funyuns while you guys drink.

• 20:53Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 20:54Sam Morril?

  Did you get some ice too? Oh, you're the fun.

• 20:55Mark Normand?

  But I'm excited for the backlash. It's gonna be swift, because you're gonna.

• 20:58Speaker 03

  Some of these jokes too are so dark.

• 21:00Mark Normand?

  The school shooting joke alone.

• 21:02Speaker 03

  They cut that out of Netflix before and I made her do it.

• 21:05Mark Normand?

  Yeah, good for you.

• 21:06Speaker 03

  They were like, nah, they went, cut it again. I'm like, let's just do it for a promo clip. It's too good.

• 21:10Mark Normand?

  And the odds are in your favor of a school shooting happening around then?

• 21:14Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 21:14Mark Normand?

  So that could be topical.

• 21:15Speaker 03

  Now that COVID's over, we're back to school shooting.

• 21:18Sam Morril?

  I accidentally posted a school shooter joke on the anniversary of Sandy Hook. And someone was like, what the fuck? I'm like, well, there's one every day.

• 21:24Speaker 02

  I know how.

• 21:25Mark Normand?

  I wasn't trying to. Anniversary.

• 21:27Speaker 02

  I did a school shooter joke, like, very soon after Sandy Hook by Sandy Hook. And I was like, I didn't fucking know how.

• 21:34Mark Normand?

  What?

• 21:35Speaker 02

  It was like a month or two after.

• 21:37Speaker 03

  A month or two?

• 21:37Mark Normand?

  Yeah, that's tough. That's touchy.

• 21:40Speaker 02

  I didn't even, I didn't realize where we were.

• 21:43Mark Normand?

  According to Alex Jones, it's all made up.

• 21:45Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 21:45Speaker 02

  He might not be.

• 21:46Sam Morril?

  Yeah, that worked out really well for him.

• 21:48Speaker 03

  He owes a billion. How do you owe a billion dollars? You're like LeBron would be like, I'm broke now.

• 21:53Speaker 02

  What does he have to do? Does he have to work at like Target?

• 21:55Speaker 03

  Yeah, he's slowly working. They're gonna charge his wages at Target.

• 21:58Mark Normand?

  He's one of the dishes.

• 21:59Speaker 03

  You imagine Alex Jones is a greeter at Walmart?

• 22:02Speaker 02

  I would love that.

• 22:02Speaker 03

  You got her there. The prices are ridiculous. She might be up to something. They're dropping like crazy. I was at UFC with Alex Jones and Joey Diaz. It's a long time ago, 10, 15 years ago. And Joey Diaz hands him a cookie, a baked cookie.

• 22:16Mark Normand?

  Oh, boy.

• 22:17Speaker 03

  And he goes, here, here's this for you. And he goes, Alex Jones goes, what's in here? And Joey goes, eat the fucking cookie.

• 22:23Mark Normand?

  Wow.

• 22:23Speaker 02

  Did he just eat it?

• 22:24Speaker 03

  Yeah, it was drugs, but.

• 22:27Mark Normand?

  You don't say.

• 22:27Speaker 03

  But he's like, obviously. God, I'm excited for this special.

• 22:31Mark Normand?

  Me too.

• 22:33Speaker 03

  We need a normal comic on there. Every time we get one of these, it's a win for us.

• 22:40Speaker 02

  We'll see what happens.

• 22:41Mark Normand?

  Are they nervous at all, or are they just like, here we go?

• 22:43Speaker 02

  I don't think they think anything's gonna happen.

• 22:45Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 22:46Speaker 02

  They seem to think the jokes are not gonna get any pushback.

• 22:49Speaker 03

  They think they're not gonna get any pushback?

• 22:50Speaker 02

  I don't think so. I don't think they do.

• 22:53Mark Normand?

  I think you want pushback, just to get the buzz going.

• 22:55Speaker 03

  Pushback rules, that's what I said.

• 22:57Mark Normand?

  It's your call, you're the one gonna take the heat.

• 22:59Speaker 02

  Sure.

• 22:59Speaker 03

  No, she likes pushback. It's fun to see people get mad.

• 23:03Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 23:04Speaker 03

  That's always angry, that's always enjoyable, especially when other people are enjoying.

• 23:07Speaker 02

  I think the best thing to do is just not respond to any of it, just let it play out.

• 23:10Mark Normand?

  I agree.

• 23:11Speaker 03

  Oh yeah.

• 23:12Speaker 02

  Like, early in, I guess, my career, you just start fighting with these people, and you're like, there's no point.

• 23:16Mark Normand?

  No.

• 23:16Speaker 02

  Just let them do whatever they're gonna do on your Instagram and Facebook or whatever.

• 23:21Mark Normand?

  Now, do you have any jokes about Puerto Ricans? Because they seem very angry.

• 23:25Speaker 03

  She does, she does actually.

• 23:27Speaker 02

  That's my favorite joke.

• 23:28Speaker 03

  Dominicans and Puerto Ricans, plenty.

• 23:31Speaker 02

  There's just one joke, I think.

• 23:32Mark Normand?

  Oh boy. This is exciting.

• 23:35Speaker 03

  I love how angry people are using Tony as a flashpoint for politics.

• 23:41Mark Normand?

  I know, it's all...

• 23:42Speaker 02

  It would be crazy if Trump loses the election because of Tony.

• 23:46Sam Morril?

  Let's just not, we should just avoid it though, because this comes out after.

• 23:48Speaker 03

  Yeah, good point. Man, wasn't that crazy, though?

• 23:51Speaker 02

  That is nuts, I can't believe it.

• 23:53Speaker 03

  Nice. And, may I say, this is the best shape of a martini glass, because it's less spillable.

• 23:58Speaker 02

  Yes, great.

• 23:59Sam Morril?

  I'm a big fan of that, too.

• 24:00Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 24:00Speaker 02

  Great.

• 24:00Speaker 03

  Oh, that nice plastic.

• 24:01Sam Morril?

  Adrian's, uh, new special.

• 24:03Mark Normand?

  Yes, The Dark Queen, baby. Very exciting. Woo!

• 24:09Sam Morril?

  That's pretty fucking good.

• 24:10Speaker 03

  Mmm.

• 24:11Sam Morril?

  Made it a little extra dirty.

• 24:13Speaker 03

  Good boy.

• 24:13Mark Normand?

  Hey, not too shabby. No kick.

• 24:18Sam Morril?

  That's vodka-heavy.

• 24:20Speaker 03

  Yeah. These'll fuck you up. Martinis are just like, it's booze on booze.

• 24:25Sam Morril?

  Oh dude, last time, one, I think, not the last time, but one time we got martini drunk and it ended a relationship of mine.

• 24:31Speaker 03

  You and me.

• 24:31Mark Normand?

  Whoa.

• 24:32Speaker 03

  I remember that. I was like, wait, I had one month ago like that.

• 24:34Speaker 02

  What relationship was that?

• 24:36Speaker 03

  Our friendship, we just got back to it.

• 24:39Sam Morril?

  I was on the phone with an ex and she was like, she was, she's not, you're just drunk. And I was like, yeah, I'm not lying about it.

• 24:48Speaker 03

  Yeah, I'm with all of them, Sal.

• 24:49Sam Morril?

  So upset how drunk I was. Yeah, no, she was just mad. She's like, you're just drunk. And I was like, I didn't, I wasn't like lying. Sometimes I will do the thing though, where I'm like, I had one drink.

• 24:58Mark Normand?

  Right.

• 24:58Sam Morril?

  And you're clearly shitfaced.

• 25:00Speaker 02

  I think it's always.

• 25:01Speaker 03

  You're slurring from one, like, it's weird, right? It's a martini, they'll get you.

• 25:04Sam Morril?

  I had one drink and my pants are off. I'm in the hallway. I'm fucking sober.

• 25:11Speaker 02

  It is fun to say you had one drink when you had a lot.

• 25:13Sam Morril?

  Oh, that's my, that is one of my moves. But this time I was like, I am a little drunk. And she was just like, you're just drunk. And I was just like, yeah.

• 25:20Speaker 02

  Yeah, you said you.

• 25:21Speaker 03

  But also like, we just finished working.

• 25:24Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 25:24Speaker 03

  We're out with friends.

• 25:25Sam Morril?

  By the way, work was you, me and Mark getting drunk.

• 25:29Speaker 02

  That is work. Work is work.

• 25:31Mark Normand?

  Podcast.

• 25:32Speaker 02

  The podcast is work.

• 25:34Sam Morril?

  He went to couples therapy drunk.

• 25:36Mark Normand?

  No.

• 25:37Speaker 03

  One time, one time, it was tough.

• 25:39Speaker 02

  You showed up as a problem.

• 25:40Speaker 03

  You got, yeah. Obviously the fingers are gonna point at me on this one.

• 25:44Mark Normand?

  That's great.

• 25:47Speaker 03

  You know that thing where you try to not slur, but yet they're really intentionally?

• 25:51Mark Normand?

  Yes.

• 25:52Speaker 03

  I need to pay more attention to the relationship.

• 25:56Speaker 02

  I mean, if I was a therapist, I'd be like, you're just a problem.

• 26:00Mark Normand?

  Better than being coked up. I love her so much. This is the best relationship of my life. And we're gonna start a home together and we're gonna make a movie.

• 26:06Sam Morril?

  I know that feeling of drunk where you like, you think you're killing it in the moment. You're like, you're like, man, I'm enunciating these words perfectly. I'm fucking crushing this.

• 26:14Speaker 03

  My love language.

• 26:18Mark Normand?

  Just no.

• 26:18Speaker 02

  Affection.

• 26:21Sam Morril?

  No, I've been there where you fucking just have to fake it.

• 26:23Mark Normand?

  Yeah. We've done that, I've done that on stage. We were like, oh shit.

• 26:27Sam Morril?

  Oh dude, when I did Burt's podcast with Ric Flair, we did the Something's Burning. I was, it was the drunkest I've been all year. I puked. I was puking nonstop.

• 26:35Speaker 02

  On the show?

• 26:36Sam Morril?

  No, after, after, no, on the show, I was like, pull it up. Towards the end, I was, I was aware of how fucked up I was and, and we're having like a silly time. And then Burt goes, do you have any regrets? Ric Flair just starts crying. Oh, fuck. And, and he starts talking about his dead son, and I don't know what to do, so I just kinda like, I'm, I'm having that moment, I'm like, I'm so shitfaced.

• 26:58Speaker 02

  That's crazy to say on a podcast with a drunk guy.

• 27:01Mark Normand?

  I know.

• 27:01Sam Morril?

  Well, I was just trying to be like, just don't, uh.

• 27:04Speaker 03

  You guys are almost wearing the same outfits.

• 27:05Mark Normand?

  Look how red he is.

• 27:06Sam Morril?

  Well, I don't know where it is. He started crying, and I didn't know what to do. I'm so shitfaced in this moment.

• 27:12Speaker 03

  You do look shitfaced.

• 27:13Speaker 02

  You look so drunk.

• 27:14Speaker 03

  You're sitting, but also swaying.

• 27:16Sam Morril?

  At one point, I just, I didn't know what to do, and I like, put my hand on his back.

• 27:20Speaker 03

  No.

• 27:21Mark Normand?

  Oh, look how purple he is.

• 27:24Speaker 02

  That's a weird color to be.

• 27:28Mark Normand?

  Does he still woo during the cry?

• 27:30Sam Morril?

  I want, I want to say I'm like, five or six Boulevardiers deep here.

• 27:35Mark Normand?

  Oh, yeah.

• 27:36Sam Morril?

  But they're like tall ones.

• 27:37Mark Normand?

  Well, you're hanging.

• 27:41Mark Normand?

  That wasn't bad.

• 27:42Sam Morril?

  I didn't know what to do.

• 27:43Speaker 02

  That seems appropriate, actually.

• 27:44Mark Normand?

  That was good.

• 27:44Speaker 03

  Dude, we had the same thing on Kill Tony with, uh, Flair, and it was, it was, uh, they had, uh, Louis and Zach in the back, because like, bigger names might come in. Louis recognized what that was immediately. It's like, I think this might be disrespectful.

• 27:58Mark Normand?

  Oh, yeah.

• 27:58Speaker 03

  And we're sitting there, we're in the front with Ric Flair, he's too drunk, he was, in fairness, drunk since 2pm that night.

• 28:03Mark Normand?

  Yes.

• 28:04Speaker 03

  And then he starts talking about his dead son, and I look back at Luis Gomez, and Louis just gave this look, and then Zach was kinda nodding like, let's light him up.

• 28:12Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 28:13Speaker 03

  And it was just like, you shouldn't be here.

• 28:15Sam Morril?

  He's coming on the pod.

• 28:16Mark Normand?

  I can't wait.

• 28:17Sam Morril?

  I'm kinda excited.

• 28:18Mark Normand?

  Hope he gets tuned up again, because he talked about Asian pussy for 20, 5 minutes.

• 28:23Sam Morril?

  Keep it in.

• 28:25Speaker 02

  I'd rather hear about that than his dead kid, though.

• 28:27Speaker 03

  Oh, yeah.

• 28:27Mark Normand?

  I had a good line, he went, woo, and I said, was that her name?

• 28:29Sam Morril?

  Oh.

• 28:32Sam Morril?

  Yeah, this is a fucking hilarious show.

• 28:36Speaker 03

  It's like my tracheotomy.

• 28:37Speaker 02

  Yeah, looks like he's talking about his cancer.

• 28:39Sam Morril?

  That's why I'm trying, because I'm wasted, but I'm also like, trying not to laugh, because I'm just like, what has happened in my life? And I'm trying to console a guy I grew up watching.

• 28:46Mark Normand?

  Yes, exactly.

• 28:48Sam Morril?

  Yeah, I'm trying not to, not laughing at him, but laughing at the absurdity of the situation.

• 28:53Mark Normand?

  That's great.

• 28:54Sam Morril?

  But, yeah, he's a fucking, I mean.

• 28:56Mark Normand?

  He's a legend.

• 28:56Sam Morril?

  I loved him growing up, dude. I loved all those guys. I mean, anyone who's a bad guy, like, fucking great.

• 29:01Speaker 03

  Thank you.

• 29:03Mark Normand?

  It's gotta be tough to be a heel throughout the day, but the memories are great.

• 29:09Speaker 03

  Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 29:10Mark Normand?

  That's the hard part about healing.

• 29:12Speaker 03

  Well, it's tough now when people are like, "I'm gonna find your middle school teacher." Try to like tell her you're a cunt.

• 29:17Mark Normand?

  That's true.

• 29:18Speaker 03

  Alright, guys.

• 29:18Sam Morril?

  You?

• 29:19Speaker 03

  Yeah, well, it's just, it's usually the booze and the ring were the fun part.

• 29:22Mark Normand?

  Right.

• 29:23Speaker 03

  You know?

• 29:23Mark Normand?

  Well, it's like, "Hey, you drug bird, you piece of shit," but 10 years later, I feel like we were like, "Man, Ari's wild."

• 29:29Speaker 03

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 29:30Mark Normand?

  But in the moment, you gotta take all the shrapnel.

• 29:32Sam Morril?

  History has been kind to Ari's mayhem.

• 29:35Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 29:35Mark Normand?

  Yes.

• 29:36Sam Morril?

  Yeah.

• 29:37Mark Normand?

  Still alive, still, still standing.

• 29:39Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 29:39Mark Normand?

  What else did you do?

• 29:40Sam Morril?

  You've toned it a little.

• 29:41Mark Normand?

  Kobe.

• 29:41Speaker 03

  Shit in a box. I see where there's.

• 29:43Sam Morril?

  Oh, wait, no, you don't. You just shit in a box.

• 29:45Speaker 02

  Yeah, he shit in a box. I feel like he.

• 29:46Sam Morril?

  I was literally giving him credit for that.

• 29:48Speaker 02

  He has not, no.

• 29:48Sam Morril?

  Ari's really turned it around.

• 29:49Mark Normand?

  Don't lose that edge.

• 29:51Speaker 02

  No, he has not.

• 29:52Mark Normand?

  I landed in Vegas. They were like, "Ari shit on the stage." I was like, "Alright, good. Good to be here." Glad I showed up.

• 29:58Sam Morril?

  You, did you like, did you plan this? Did you do a laxative? How'd you do that?

• 30:02Speaker 03

  Uh, well, I was on antibiotics for ringworm, so, uh, it helped.

• 30:05Speaker 02

  Why do you have ringworm?

• 30:05Speaker 03

  Right? I don't know exactly.

• 30:08Mark Normand?

  What is ringworm?

• 30:09Speaker 02

  I don't know.

• 30:09Speaker 03

  Some fungus.

• 30:11Mark Normand?

  Oh.

• 30:11Speaker 02

  Don't you get it from like sitting in a sandbox or something?

• 30:13Speaker 03

  I think I might have just like, yeah, I think I might have shared like Mike Vecchione's like lounge chair after a workout or something.

• 30:19Mark Normand?

  Ah.

• 30:19Sam Morril?

  Was the venue mad at you for pooping on their stage?

• 30:22Speaker 03

  Bro?

• 30:22Speaker 02

  I think you pooped on paper like a dog.

• 30:24Speaker 03

  Not at all.

• 30:26Sam Morril?

  Really?

• 30:26Speaker 03

  Literally, he was like, "I don't know."

• 30:28Speaker 02

  The venue is disgusting.

• 30:30Speaker 03

  They were happy. I cleaned it up.

• 30:31Speaker 02

  It's meant to be shit on.

• 30:32Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 30:32Speaker 02

  All of Vegas is meant to be shit on.

• 30:34Speaker 03

  It's skank fest. They were like, "Only one shit?"

• 30:37Speaker 02

  What are you gonna do next year, though?

• 30:38Speaker 03

  I think I might have to just go to jokes.

• 30:42Speaker 03

  Yeah, I figured out the next step.

• 30:44Speaker 02

  I think you'd have to jerk off on people.

• 30:45Mark Normand?

  Hey!

• 30:47Speaker 03

  Oh, I didn't think of that.

• 30:48Sam Morril?

  There's a line there.

• 30:49Speaker 03

  I thought it was human sacrifice.

• 30:50Sam Morril?

  You don't want Louis and Ari producing this if that's.

• 30:52Speaker 02

  It doesn't matter. Ari's already gonna go off.

• 30:54Speaker 03

  What if I jerk off on Louis?

• 30:55Speaker 02

  I know that.

• 30:56Mark Normand?

  Hey, that's good. I love that.

• 30:59Sam Morril?

  How do you stay hard? That's the hard part.

• 31:02Mark Normand?

  You gotta listen to his old stuff.

• 31:03Speaker 03

  You gotta listen to Chewed Up.

• 31:05Sam Morril?

  I saw the other night, he's got, he's got some fucking heaters.

• 31:07Mark Normand?

  He's cooking.

• 31:08Sam Morril?

  He's cooking.

• 31:09Mark Normand?

  It's so great to see, cause I watched him a month ago and he was really struggling and now that same shit is... I love to see the progress.

• 31:16Sam Morril?

  That Buddhist bit is killer.

• 31:17Mark Normand?

  The who?

• 31:17Sam Morril?

  He's got a Buddhist bit that's killer.

• 31:19Mark Normand?

  Oh, I don't know that one.

• 31:19Sam Morril?

  Yeah, I mean, he's got great stuff right now.

• 31:21Speaker 03

  Yeah, well, boo this moment.

• 31:24Mark Normand?

  Boo.

• 31:26Speaker 03

  I don't know. It's a reach.

• 31:29Mark Normand?

  Tried to back you up.

• 31:30Sam Morril?

  Yeah, how are you gonna up that?

• 31:32Speaker 03

  I thought, it might be human sacrifice, so I might have to be done. But jerking off publicly is... You got any ideas?

• 31:38Mark Normand?

  You could kill a lab rat or something.

• 31:39Speaker 02

  Didn't you jerk off in a California club on a table?

• 31:43Speaker 03

  In a condo, the La Jolla condo, yeah.

• 31:45Speaker 02

  Yeah, somebody told me that story.

• 31:46Speaker 03

  To a Meyer on a Vera safe, I jerked.

• 31:49Speaker 02

  Somebody told me that story.

• 31:50Sam Morril?

  To a safe?

• 31:51Speaker 03

  I went out in the other room, uh, and I got it pretty close, then I went out for Jim Painter and I think Rick Engler.

• 31:57Speaker 02

  Jerked off on a table.

• 31:58Speaker 03

  Into now, into a tea, tea saucer.

• 32:00Mark Normand?

  Oh, fun.

• 32:01Speaker 03

  Right, as he was closing one out. Hall of Famer, though.

• 32:03Mark Normand?

  Yeah, victimless crime.

• 32:04Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 32:05Mark Normand?

  As long as someone drank it, it's all right.

• 32:08Speaker 02

  I wouldn't drink it.

• 32:09Sam Morril?

  I like that he's doing Hall of Famer, he's like, I can only fucking nut to... The dude's a 3,000 hits or elite closers.

• 32:15Speaker 03

  Never did it to Wetland.

• 32:16Mark Normand?

  If you drink jizz out of a coffee saucer, do you hit the pinky? Does that make it classy?

• 32:22Speaker 02

  Sure, yeah.

• 32:23Sam Morril?

  Damn.

• 32:24Speaker 03

  Yeah, fun pranks.

• 32:25Mark Normand?

  There was a lot of jizzing back in my childhood, like, uh, uh, Chris Farley in Jay Moore's book, Grasping for Airtime, they talk about the first time he met him, somebody had like a, David Spade had a giant book on his desk, and Chris Farley jizzed in it and closed the book.

• 32:41Speaker 03

  No.

• 32:41Mark Normand?

  And that was just a fun, friendly thing.

• 32:43Speaker 03

  It is fun, but it's not sexual, sexuality is just fun.

• 32:46Mark Normand?

  Yes!

• 32:46Speaker 02

  But it's also gross. It's not the sex part, it's the gross part.

• 32:49Speaker 03

  Right, yeah. A flaccid dick is not like victimly, it's just like grody.

• 32:54Sam Morril?

  I did that in Joe Mackey's Bible back in the day.

• 32:56Mark Normand?

  Ah.

• 32:57Sam Morril?

  He's not happy with that.

• 32:59Speaker 02

  This makes more sense now. I get it. I get where it went off the rails.

• 33:04Mark Normand?

  I dare you to do the Quran though. That'll get you.

• 33:07Speaker 03

  Of all the holy books, the Bible has the best pages for rolling joints.

• 33:11Mark Normand?

  That's true.

• 33:12Speaker 02

  Yeah, I love that paper.

• 33:14Speaker 03

  Yeah. You have to do something like that next year. You have to take like the Torah. Smoke out of it.

• 33:21Mark Normand?

  Yes.

• 33:23Speaker 02

  Roll joints out of the Bible.

• 33:24Speaker 03

  Be real heretical.

• 33:25Mark Normand?

  So you had ringworm, but before that, weren't you, you had a Lyme disease or almost?

• 33:29Speaker 03

  No, almost. I had to take, I had to take drugs. I got bitten by a bunch of nymph ticks.

• 33:34Speaker 02

  There.

• 33:35Speaker 03

  Yeah, in Montauk. I was there with Norman and yeah, I was walking with a dog. So I think it might have led to that. I don't really know. It was like right from there. So I couldn't eat meat for a fucking week. I went to sushi by scratch.

• 33:48Mark Normand?

  Hey.

• 33:49Sam Morril?

  It's good.

• 33:50Speaker 03

  It's so good, but he had these like bone marrow pieces.

• 33:52Mark Normand?

  Oh, yeah.

• 33:53Speaker 03

  And he was just mocking me the whole time. He's like, for those of you who didn't fuck up in Montauk.

• 33:58Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 33:59Speaker 03

  There's some bone marrow.

• 34:00Sam Morril?

  How do you get, how do you get Lyme disease?

• 34:01Mark Normand?

  Ticks.

• 34:02Speaker 02

  You're getting stuff that people got in like the twenties.

• 34:05Speaker 03

  It's, it's, uh, well, the ticks, the nymphs don't carry the Lyme disease. They carry Alpha Gal. That makes you allergic to meat forever. If you have meat while you're infected.

• 34:14Mark Normand?

  Alpha Gal?

• 34:15Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 34:15Mark Normand?

  Sounds like your old album.

• 34:17Speaker 02

  Alpha Gal.

• 34:18Speaker 03

  Oh, that could be a name for it.

• 34:19Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 34:19Speaker 03

  Yeah. Dark Queen is not bad, but Alpha Gal sounds like one of those like.

• 34:24Sam Morril?

  No red meat is rough.

• 34:26Mark Normand?

  That's insane.

• 34:27Sam Morril?

  You get bored. You get bored with fish and chicken.

• 34:30Mark Normand?

  Oh, yeah.

• 34:30Speaker 02

  Turkey, pork.

• 34:32Speaker 03

  Turkey, ugh.

• 34:33Mark Normand?

  Wow. So did you have to go to the hospital for that?

• 34:36Speaker 03

  Uh, yes. And they just gave me antibiotics, which made me shit a bunch, which allowed me to take a nice hot dump onstage to honor Kill Tony at Skank Fest.

• 34:45Mark Normand?

  Hell, yeah.

• 34:46Speaker 02

  Was it full of blood?

• 34:47Speaker 03

  So a lot of them said yes, but I said a low amount of blood.

• 34:51Sam Morril?

  You poop blood onto a stage?

• 34:53Speaker 02

  One time he showed me a picture.

• 34:55Speaker 03

  I mean, when you say it like that.

• 34:56Speaker 02

  One time he showed me a picture where he shit and there was so much blood that I looked like strawberry, like chocolate cake.

• 35:01Mark Normand?

  Oh.

• 35:05Speaker 03

  Call it up?

• 35:06Mark Normand?

  What poor gas digital intern had to swiffer that up after that? No one talks about that hero.

• 35:12Speaker 03

  It was red, Benny wanted to take it home. He dries out poop and fucking keeps it under his mantle.

• 35:17Sam Morril?

  You actually cleaned it?

• 35:19Speaker 03

  I cleaned it, yeah.

• 35:20Mark Normand?

  Oh, okay.

• 35:20Speaker 03

  There's moments where you realize like, hey.

• 35:22Speaker 02

  This is a little much for someone else to do.

• 35:24Sam Morril?

  Were you trying not to puke while you're cleaning this?

• 35:27Speaker 03

  No, I mean, you know.

• 35:28Speaker 02

  He's pretty used to shitting everywhere.

• 35:30Speaker 03

  Yeah, I'm pretty gross. I live in gross. Gigi Ari.

• 35:33Mark Normand?

  Well, I felt bad. We did Protect Our Parks. You fuckers got me next planet drunk.

• 35:39Speaker 03

  Wow.

• 35:40Mark Normand?

  I puked at the mothership like, I'm talking gallons of puke. I laid in it, I passed out, puked again, and I staggered home. And some poor person had to clean that.

• 35:53Speaker 03

  Well, Mark sent a gift basket.

• 35:55Sam Morril?

  And now he's a star in Kill Tony.

• 35:57Speaker 03

  He sent him a gift basket, like, I'm really sorry.

• 35:59Mark Normand?

  I felt horrible.

• 36:00Speaker 03

  We know, we're comics. You fuck some shit up, like, I'll handle that.

• 36:03Mark Normand?

  Well, the worst part was the next day I showed up to do some more sets and I met the guy who did it. And when you look that guy in the eye, it's a real bummer. But I sent a gift.

• 36:13Speaker 03

  I'm sure that changes a PTSD.

• 36:15Speaker 02

  What did you send?

• 36:16Mark Normand?

  I sent an edible arrangement with a funny note.

• 36:19Speaker 03

  Mostly papaya.

• 36:19Speaker 02

  Who the fuck wants that for cleaning a puke?

• 36:21Mark Normand?

  Well, I didn't say it was even.

• 36:25Mark Normand?

  It's a gesture. Most people wouldn't send that.

• 36:28Speaker 03

  That's true. Most people just move on. Public apology. You've made plenty of them.

• 36:32Mark Normand?

  Oh, yeah.

• 36:33Speaker 03

  Remember that?

• 36:35Sam Morril?

  Damn, dude. Yeah, the puking. I remember you handed me, we were in Orlando.

• 36:38Mark Normand?

  Oh.

• 36:39Sam Morril?

  And I was puking in the airport and Mark.

• 36:41Speaker 03

  In the airport?

• 36:42Sam Morril?

  Mark pulls a bro move where he, uh, he hands a ginger ale over the stall, seeing me bent over. It's a, it's a, it's a good.

• 36:49Speaker 02

  That's a good friend.

• 36:50Speaker 03

  How often do you guys puke when you drink?

• 36:52Mark Normand?

  Rarely.

• 36:53Sam Morril?

  Not as much.

• 36:53Mark Normand?

  Rarely.

• 36:54Speaker 03

  If I go, I'm puking.

• 36:56Mark Normand?

  Really?

• 36:57Speaker 03

  If I go hard.

• 36:58Mark Normand?

  I wish. That's better for you.

• 36:59Speaker 02

  That's better, yeah.

• 37:00Mark Normand?

  I wish I got it out, because you wake up and it's all still in there for me and you just want to kill yourself.

• 37:04Speaker 03

  I feel it now. I'm like, it's coming. I kind of like force it out. I don't use the fingers anymore. I just. I'll do that enough to where it's like, if it's there, it'll come out.

• 37:12Mark Normand?

  I think some people can puke easier than, if I puke, it's like a traumatic event. It hurts. I'm in pain. I like think about my childhood. Yeah, I'm tearing up.

• 37:20Speaker 03

  I love, tearing up is, I love going to the bathroom real quick, knowing like, oh, I definitely got to puke. Really quick, puking on the side, Bleemick style on the side, nobody can hear it. Then come back to the table like, hey, so what are we doing? And they're like, are y'all glassy eyed?

• 37:31Mark Normand?

  That's a gift. Fuck. That's a gift.

• 37:34Speaker 02

  If you puke on the side, you don't hear it?

• 37:36Speaker 03

  You don't hear it. It's Bleemick, uh, 101.

• 37:38Speaker 02

  I never knew that.

• 37:39Speaker 03

  Yeah, you gotta go quietly. So here's how they puke.

• 37:42Mark Normand?

  Whoa.

• 37:44Speaker 03

  Yeah, no splash. It's like when you're pissing when you're on the phone with your agent, you gotta hit the corners.

• 37:49Mark Normand?

  Hit the corners.

• 37:50Sam Morril?

  Or you can just mute them.

• 37:51Speaker 03

  Yeah, you ask a question and be like, hey, what are those sales like in Providence right now?

• 37:57Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 37:58Speaker 03

  And Tuesday?

• 38:01Speaker 02

  You tell me about your childhood.

• 38:03Sam Morril?

  You're taking a shit, you hit mute, and he's like, oh, fuck, oh my god. Oh, cool, yeah, yeah, I could do Spokane, that's good.

• 38:09Mark Normand?

  Oh. It's funny how shitting on a Zoom would get you in less trouble than jerking it.

• 38:16Sam Morril?

  I think shitting's a bad look.

• 38:17Speaker 03

  Shitting's a bad look.

• 38:18Mark Normand?

  It's not a great look.

• 38:19Speaker 03

  Just more disgusting than sexual.

• 38:22Mark Normand?

  I agree.

• 38:22Speaker 02

  It's not sexual at all.

• 38:24Mark Normand?

  But jerking would get you in more trouble.

• 38:25Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 38:26Sam Morril?

  Jerking's worse.

• 38:28Speaker 03

  Jerking is worse.

• 38:29Mark Normand?

  Okay.

• 38:30Speaker 03

  Yeah, jerking is worse, that's about right, it's the right order.

• 38:32Speaker 02

  It's worse, but it's also more flattering than if someone's.

• 38:35Mark Normand?

  Oh, good point.

• 38:37Speaker 03

  Taking a dump is like a power move more than like.

• 38:39Mark Normand?

  Yes.

• 38:40Sam Morril?

  I don't think we got the right woman in here to do this.

• 38:42Speaker 02

  Oh, sorry, I'm not the right.

• 38:44Sam Morril?

  I have female friends and they say this is flattering, so I don't know.

• 38:47Speaker 02

  I think it's more flattering not than like you're just shitting, your face makes me wanna shit.

• 38:52Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 38:53Sam Morril?

  Well, LBJ would do both, right? Not jerk off, but he'd show you his dick and he would take a shit in front of you.

• 38:57Mark Normand?

  Really?

• 38:58Sam Morril?

  That was the, I'm pretty sure Lynda B. Johnson.

• 39:01Mark Normand?

  Pull it up.

• 39:02Sam Morril?

  He would show you his dong and say, is this the biggest one you've ever seen?

• 39:05Mark Normand?

  Whoa, I didn't know that.

• 39:06Speaker 02

  Did he have a huge dick?

• 39:07Sam Morril?

  I think he had a pretty big dick. And then, and then also he would, he would take a meeting on the shitter too.

• 39:13Mark Normand?

  That I get, to me that's.

• 39:14Sam Morril?

  I'm like a horse, yeah.

• 39:15Mark Normand?

  Wow, BJ, it's fitting.

• 39:18Speaker 03

  Can't pull BJ without, yeah.

• 39:21Mark Normand?

  Wow, jumbo.

• 39:22Speaker 03

  Call his penis jumbo. Why can't you start calling your penis jumbo?

• 39:26Mark Normand?

  Ah, jumbo shrimp.

• 39:29Speaker 03

  It's good, it's big for a small.

• 39:31Mark Normand?

  Yeah, yeah, I like that, good merch, it's big for a small.

• 39:36Speaker 03

  Oh, I wish they would show it. This is the old days where there's no, I mean, right now.

• 39:40Speaker 02

  You have to use your imagination.

• 39:41Speaker 03

  Yeah, that's getting out. He showed it in high school.

• 39:43Mark Normand?

  We can get Michelle Obama's dick up here in two seconds. Joking.

• 39:49Speaker 03

  I gotta tell you a joke after this.

• 39:51Mark Normand?

  Oh, look at that. Look at that. Wait.

• 39:52Speaker 03

  Wow, that's a hog. Zoom in, section G3, please.

• 39:56Speaker 02

  Some of it might just be balls, though.

• 39:58Mark Normand?

  That's true.

• 39:58Speaker 03

  That's so what? That's a lot of ball. Wow.

• 40:01Sam Morril?

  Is that Ric Flair?

• 40:02Mark Normand?

  Quite a.

• 40:03Speaker 03

  That's the real man.

• 40:04Speaker 02

  Look at the dog.

• 40:05Mark Normand?

  The dog?

• 40:06Speaker 03

  The dog's giving it up.

• 40:07Speaker 02

  That is a pretty big dick. I mean, who knows how much balls are there, though?

• 40:12Mark Normand?

  It's gotta be eighty percent ball.

• 40:13Speaker 03

  No way. I mean.

• 40:14Mark Normand?

  I'm telling you. Pull up a shot of Elvis. Elvis had a huge bulge in that same position. And no one talks about his hammer.

• 40:23Speaker 03

  It's a pretty gay episode.

• 40:24Speaker 02

  Cause he took it from.

• 40:26Speaker 03

  Not even where.

• 40:27Sam Morril?

  We've got some other dudes dicks from the sixties.

• 40:29Mark Normand?

  Hold on, he's hugging his dad there. The one where he's hugging his dad.

• 40:31Speaker 03

  That's when he's really hard.

• 40:32Speaker 02

  That's when he's really hard.

• 40:34Mark Normand?

  Keep going left, left, left.

• 40:35Sam Morril?

  And this is entirely my fault for sending us down this road here.

• 40:38Mark Normand?

  There you go. Look at that.

• 40:40Speaker 03

  Wow, let me see that. Zoom in, zoom in big.

• 40:42Mark Normand?

  He's muggling a couple of grapefruits.

• 40:44Speaker 03

  Wow.

• 40:45Speaker 02

  It looks like his dad's going into.

• 40:46Speaker 03

  What? It's like up and down.

• 40:48Sam Morril?

  If he died in the toilet, it must have dipped.

• 40:50Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 40:51Speaker 03

  Is this dad Paul Newman?

• 40:53Mark Normand?

  Oh, yeah.

• 40:54Speaker 03

  Where? Wow, what are those two things in there?

• 40:56Speaker 02

  The guy from Mad Men also, is it Men?

• 40:58Sam Morril?

  Jon Hamm.

• 40:59Speaker 02

  Jon Hamm.

• 40:59Sam Morril?

  We've been trying to get him on here. Any movement on Hamm?

• 41:02Speaker 03

  I did a movie with him.

• 41:03Mark Normand?

  Really?

• 41:03Sam Morril?

  What movie?

• 41:04Speaker 03

  I don't want to talk about it. It was so bad. It was really bad. It was called, uh,

• 41:09Speaker 03

  Keeping Up With The Joneses. It was so bad. I'm embarrassed about it, but.

• 41:12Speaker 02

  This guy's dick is huge.

• 41:14Speaker 03

  What? That's a wallet.

• 41:16Mark Normand?

  No.

• 41:16Speaker 02

  No, that's a dick.

• 41:18Sam Morril?

  That's a great move.

• 41:19Speaker 03

  Oh, they are on the side.

• 41:20Mark Normand?

  Everyone's like, holy shit. He's got.

• 41:22Speaker 02

  You're rich.

• 41:23Speaker 03

  He's got a lot of twenties. Oh, I see it now on the side.

• 41:26Mark Normand?

  That's like a weird x-ray.

• 41:27Speaker 03

  Wow.

• 41:27Mark Normand?

  Pants are see-through.

• 41:28Sam Morril?

  That'd be a great, a designer should do that. They should make a design with just a dick outline.

• 41:33Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 41:34Mark Normand?

  Oh, yeah.

• 41:35Speaker 02

  Don't they have like bras with the nipple in it?

• 41:37Mark Normand?

  They do.

• 41:38Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 41:38Speaker 03

  Wow.

• 41:38Speaker 02

  Ask Kim K to do it.

• 41:40Mark Normand?

  That's a great idea.

• 41:42Speaker 03

  Congnent?

• 41:43Mark Normand?

  Apparently, a friend of mine who's a homosexual told me that they go full stuff.

• 41:49Speaker 03

  They stuff it?

• 41:50Mark Normand?

  Yeah, they stuff it just for the look.

• 41:51Speaker 03

  Wow.

• 41:52Speaker 02

  And then what happens when you take them home and it's not that big?

• 41:54Speaker 03

  Doesn't matter, gay guys aren't gonna be like, no thanks.

• 41:56Mark Normand?

  Exactly.

• 41:57Speaker 03

  It's here.

• 41:57Mark Normand?

  That's what he said.

• 41:58Sam Morril?

  Remember Tommy McCaffrey's joke about that? It's like, he's like, it's not cool, it's not cool if you just, it's like, if you went to my, I got you a Jaguar, and then you get to the garage, it's just tissue paper, shaped like a Jaguar. You're like, yeah, this sucks.

• 42:10Mark Normand?

  That's true.

• 42:11Speaker 03

  My favorite joke of his was how people should be, it was like, open mic days when people were just starting to get stuff, we're still open micers. And when somebody booked a sitcom, they're like, you should be happy for me, even though we're poverty stricken. And he goes, that's like going to a homeless guy and like, eating a Big Mac. Like, why aren't you happy for me? I was so hungry before I got this Big Mac, and now I got this Big Mac.

• 42:30Mark Normand?

  He had the best analogies.

• 42:32Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 42:32Sam Morril?

  Dude, he had so many, he has so many good jokes.

• 42:35Speaker 03

  I know, it's good, he has to.

• 42:36Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 42:36Sam Morril?

  Remember the one he had, we're just quoting McCaffrey now, but remember the one he had about, about starting fights with kids in high school? They're like, you and me, three o'clock, bite rack. He's like, I was a pussy, so I would give people locations and times that were hard to get to. Oh, you wanna go? You and me, Christmas morning, Mount St. Helens. Like, that's my family, this pussy's gonna be with his family.

• 43:00Sam Morril?

  Oh, you wanna go? You and me, Vanity Fair, Oscars after-party. That's kind of a tight list. This pussy's not gonna get on the list.

• 43:08Mark Normand?

  That's great.

• 43:09Sam Morril?

  Such a good bit.

• 43:10Speaker 02

  Did he stop doing stand-ups?

• 43:11Mark Normand?

  Yeah. I saw him like, a month ago at the stand randomly.

• 43:14Speaker 02

  Wait, did he go to law school?

• 43:16Sam Morril?

  I don't know.

• 43:16Speaker 02

  Am I thinking of the wrong person?

• 43:17Mark Normand?

  He became a rapper, which is even worse.

• 43:19Sam Morril?

  He is so.

• 43:19Speaker 03

  What do you mean, like Macy's for Christmas?

• 43:23Mark Normand?

  He was the first comic, cause everyone has this bit now, but he was the first comic I saw to do the, you know, the girl's like, we should make a list of guys we're allowed to sleep with. And he's like, she's like, you know, Keanu Reeves, Brad Pitt, whatever. And he's like, the girl at the store.

• 43:40Speaker 03

  Your friend Margaret.

• 43:41Mark Normand?

  Yeah, your friend Margaret, your aunt, my mom.

• 43:44Sam Morril?

  Everyone does that bit now.

• 43:45Mark Normand?

  Everyone, but he was the first, I think, to do it.

• 43:47Speaker 03

  Yeah. God, everyone does that bit.

• 43:50Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 43:50Sam Morril?

  He would crush, like, he was like that dude that we would watch at mics or like shitty bar shows, and he would have the best fucking jokes.

• 43:59Mark Normand?

  I know.

• 44:00Speaker 02

  It's so funny that he. Stop doing stand up to become a rapper.

• 44:05Speaker 03

  Well.

• 44:06Mark Normand?

  A lot of comics wanna be music.

• 44:07Speaker 03

  So did, uh, what's his name from Chicago? Put you out like Hannibal Buress.

• 44:12Sam Morril?

  Yeah.

• 44:13Mark Normand?

  He's back.

• 44:14Speaker 03

  He's back doing stand up.

• 44:14Speaker 02

  I think the lack of respect though gets to some people.

• 44:17Mark Normand?

  That's what it is.

• 44:18Sam Morril?

  Like, you know, I think he knew he was funny and wasn't getting what he thought he deserved.

• 44:23Speaker 03

  Who?

• 44:23Sam Morril?

  And did deserve.

• 44:24Speaker 02

  And then he's like, let me do something I'm not good at.

• 44:26Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 44:26Speaker 02

  So when I don't get anything, it doesn't hurt?

• 44:28Speaker 03

  So he started flailing like, I'm gonna go in a different direction. He was so funny though.

• 44:31Speaker 02

  He was so funny.

• 44:31Speaker 03

  It's weird that we're all talking highly about him, about a guy who doesn't do stand up anymore.

• 44:35Mark Normand?

  But I think the lack of, he didn't get anything, really. So I think that pissed him off.

• 44:39Speaker 03

  Eventually it's like.

• 44:40Mark Normand?

  Fuck you, I'll rap.

• 44:43Mark Normand?

  He had the other great one. He's like, uh, Jenna Jameson, I read her book, the movie was better.

• 44:50Sam Morril?

  So it's a fucking 20-word joke.

• 44:52Mark Normand?

  I know.

• 44:53Sam Morril?

  You know, I love those.

• 44:55Mark Normand?

  I remember seeing him at your show at the Stage. The Stage?

• 44:58Sam Morril?

  Sage.

• 44:59Mark Normand?

  Sage.

• 44:59Sam Morril?

  That was, that kept me going, that show.

• 45:01Speaker 03

  Oh, you guys all book shows? Who booked shows here?

• 45:03Sam Morril?

  I did, we had a show.

• 45:04Speaker 02

  I did for a while.

• 45:05Mark Normand?

  Many shows. I still have two.

• 45:06Speaker 03

  Oh, that's right. You had the one with Louis too, the mashup show?

• 45:09Mark Normand?

  Whoa.

• 45:10Speaker 02

  That show, yeah. And then I did another show when I first started, I was like three or four years in, at some restaurant.

• 45:16Speaker 03

  I booked one at a bar. It is not happening. Turned, turned out good.

• 45:19Sam Morril?

  It sucks to have a show though, cause you just get hit up. I mean, it's like, I guess the equivalent of having a podcast now.

• 45:24Speaker 03

  You need a booker who's like, they handle it. You need a don.

• 45:27Mark Normand?

  You got it, two bookers. You gotta have it.

• 45:29Speaker 03

  The block for you.

• 45:30Sam Morril?

  Then those bookers get fucking egos sometimes.

• 45:32Mark Normand?

  I don't know if this is a sore sub.

• 45:34Speaker 02

  What is it?

• 45:35Mark Normand?

  Didn't your mom do comedy?

• 45:36Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 45:37Mark Normand?

  Is that weird?

• 45:38Speaker 03

  Does she have an next special too right now, or just you?

• 45:40Speaker 02

  I mean, she probably get one.

• 45:43Mark Normand?

  Louis is losing.

• 45:44Speaker 03

  Is she happy for you?

• 45:46Speaker 02

  Yeah, but my, I remember years ago when I first got something in comedy, she was like, how'd you get that? Like a real.

• 45:50Speaker 03

  Wow.

• 45:52Mark Normand?

  Well, she's a comic.

• 45:53Sam Morril?

  You don't want that at home, though.

• 45:56Speaker 02

  Yeah, I mean, she's gotta get her other hip done. I think she's out of the game.

• 46:01Speaker 03

  It's tough when you can't stand up for stand-up comedy.

• 46:04Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 46:05Sam Morril?

  Do you like her stuff?

• 46:06Speaker 02

  My mom's actually pretty dirty.

• 46:08Mark Normand?

  Oh.

• 46:09Speaker 02

  She'll do a lot. She does a lot of black shows.

• 46:11Mark Normand?

  Oh, okay.

• 46:12Speaker 02

  I did a lot of black shows, but I got out of them, and she's in them.

• 46:16Mark Normand?

  Damn.

• 46:16Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 46:17Mark Normand?

  Okay, dirty mom.

• 46:18Sam Morril?

  Do you like her jokes?

• 46:20Speaker 02

  Some of them are funny.

• 46:21Sam Morril?

  Yeah.

• 46:21Speaker 03

  You got out of black shows and then became their body type?

• 46:25Speaker 02

  I was always their body type.

• 46:26Speaker 03

  Oh, okay.

• 46:27Speaker 02

  She has a really funny joke about, so my, her mother is Jewish, and that her and and my grandfather, her father was Italian, and they were eating broccoli rabe. And I guess when she was a kid and they ate all the flowers, and then when my grandmother got up, there was only stems left, and she goes, fine. She said something like, sure, leave the stems for the Jew. That's her joke, and it makes me laugh so hard.

• 46:50Mark Normand?

  I don't get it.

• 46:51Speaker 02

  Like, the stems, the shitty part, so she's saying you've left the Jew the crappy part.

• 46:55Mark Normand?

  I see, I see. All right, we'll have her on.

• 46:59Speaker 02

  She'd love to.

• 47:02Mark Normand?

  Dirty, though. Is it weird to hear your mom be dirty?

• 47:04Speaker 02

  No.

• 47:05Mark Normand?

  I wonder if that led to some of your filter going away.

• 47:08Speaker 03

  Gotta be, right? No one judging you at home for dark jokes?

• 47:11Speaker 02

  But it's not like I grew up with her doing that, though.

• 47:14Speaker 03

  You might be the darkest comic. Because it's also not like, there's no part of it that's couched in like, oh, look what I'm saying.

• 47:21Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 47:22Speaker 02

  But I think that's the worst part, is that everyone thinks I'm like, acting, and I'm like, this is just what's in my head.

• 47:27Mark Normand?

  I completely agree.

• 47:28Speaker 02

  Unfortunately, everyone thinks I'm like an edgelord, and I'm like, this is just who I am.

• 47:32Speaker 03

  It's so fun when I see people walk out on your shows, and you're like, no, you're not wrong.

• 47:37Speaker 03

  It's just like, I'm so excited, I was like, yeah, I see, I see your point of view.

• 47:40Sam Morril?

  It is all the same thing. You're definitely the darkest good comedian. There's probably some fucking dudes at Mike's who are saying some crazy shit.

• 47:48Mark Normand?

  That's true.

• 47:49Speaker 03

  Anyway, congratulations on your special, The Dark Queen.

• 47:52Speaker 02

  Anthony has a special out also in November on Netflix.

• 47:55Speaker 03

  Oh, really?

• 47:55Mark Normand?

  Yes.

• 47:56Sam Morril?

  We gotta get him on.

• 47:57Mark Normand?

  I heard it's amazing.

• 47:58Speaker 03

  I bet.

• 47:59Mark Normand?

  Every theater I do, I go, who do you hate, who showed up, who sucked, and who was great, and they all say, Mulaney was great, Jelzinak was great, and I won't say who sucked.

• 48:06Speaker 03

  Yeah, you can't. Yeah.

• 48:07Sam Morril?

  Off, off camera.

• 48:08Mark Normand?

  I'll tell you off camera.

• 48:09Speaker 02

  Oh, yeah, I wanna know. Is it a girl?

• 48:11Mark Normand?

  No, no, they don't even count them as comedians.

• 48:13Speaker 02

  That is true, good point.

• 48:14Mark Normand?

  But, uh, no, you'll know. You'll be like, oh, yeah.

• 48:18Speaker 03

  I got a

• 48:18Sam Morril?

  Not a lot of surprises.

• 48:19Speaker 03

  I got a Louis joke for you after this, after this episode.

• 48:22Sam Morril?

  Okay.

• 48:22Speaker 03

  Yeah, that reminded me, because he directed this, by the way. But it reminded me earlier and it was no way on air.

• 48:28Sam Morril?

  What did that entail? Like, what kind of advice did Louis give you?

• 48:31Speaker 02

  I mean, he's the one that did like the lighting and stuff for the special. He came out to see me, um, at Levity Live. It was the worst show I did of the whole tour. It was like 8pm, it was like a papered room.

• 48:42Sam Morril?

  Ah.

• 48:43Speaker 02

  Everyone's old. I mean, I'm like performing, I'm like tap dancing up there and like they're like not really that into it. And I get offstage, I'm like, he's not gonna do the special. I just start bawling. I'm just like crying.

• 48:53Speaker 03

  She's worried, she's like, he's out.

• 48:55Speaker 02

  I'm like, he's not gonna wanna do, cuz like, I was just like, he's gonna not wanna do this, he's gonna say this isn't ready. And I just get offstage and I start like bawling for like a half hour.

• 49:02Sam Morril?

  Wow.

• 49:03Speaker 02

  And he had like a conversation that kinda turned things for me, but I was like, he even said to me, he's like, this is a very hard hour for you to be going on the road where people don't know you. It's like a lot of really dark topics. And he's like, it's just, it's a hard hour. He's like, it's good, it's better than your album, like, I think it's cohesive, but it's a really hard hour. And he was just talking about how like when he, before he broke, he's like, I was struggling on the road, so you forget that. Like, I'm just like, this guy's been murdering forever. It's like, I struggled on the road with some of these shows. And it's hard.

• 49:33Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 49:33Speaker 02

  It's hard to stay and do those jokes when you know like half the room's not into it, or it's a booker that's doing you a favor. So you're like, it's tough. It was a hard year doing that tour.

• 49:44Sam Morril?

  I bet.

• 49:45Speaker 02

  None of these people really know me.

• 49:47Speaker 03

  Yeah, they don't know you and they're coming for like knock-knock jokes.

• 49:49Sam Morril?

  Yeah.

• 49:49Speaker 02

  Or whatever they think a woman is gonna do. Like, it's like they're taking a chance on a woman and I'm disappointing them now.

• 49:55Sam Morril?

  Ah.

• 49:56Speaker 02

  You know?

• 49:56Sam Morril?

  You have to build his dark jokes or something, but then that becomes a problem. It's tough.

• 49:59Speaker 03

  Then they come for something different than she is. She's not trying, she's just like, she just is this.

• 50:03Speaker 02

  I know, but I just, and that's why I was talking to Louis, he's like, well, that's why me and Ari wanna do this special for you, cuz we want you to have an audience that like comes out to see you and, you know, it's just, I've struggled on some of those shows where you're like, this is brutal.

• 50:16Speaker 03

  Yeah, for all the guys out there who, who have been accused of hating women comics and like, you don't like women comics, like, no, I don't, it's not that. But it's like, they've been looking for one to really get behind. This is that one.

• 50:26Sam Morril?

  Hear, hear.

• 50:27Speaker 02

  Well.

• 50:27Speaker 03

  This is what you'll look at on, on Netflix and go, oh, right, yeah, I'm not misogynist. You've just been showing me fucking influencers.

• 50:35Speaker 02

  That makes sense.

• 50:36Speaker 03

  There's real club comic females that are hilarious.

• 50:38Mark Normand?

  People love Jordan Jensen. Like, Jordan Jensen, I feel like people come up, they're like, "Oh, she's, she's great." So it's not a woman thing, it's just a subject matter.

• 50:46Speaker 03

  There's a lot of hilarious female comics, obviously.

• 50:48Mark Normand?

  Michelle Wolf's a killer.

• 50:49Speaker 03

  Yeah, that stereotype's old already at this point. It's like 20 years past and they've all started doing open micers and grown. Now they're all 15, 20 year comics. They know what they're doing now, but you're still being shown the wrong ones.

• 50:59Mark Normand?

  Totally, totally. Um, did you ever have, cause you've been doing what, you're 20 years?

• 51:03Speaker 02

  20 years, yeah.

• 51:04Mark Normand?

  Did you ever have that, "I better, I better adapt, I better learn to be more mainstream?"

• 51:09Speaker 02

  I don't know how. Like, there's a point where it's like, if I could be a straight hack, I would do it.

• 51:14Mark Normand?

  Wow.

• 51:14Speaker 02

  Like, if I could just make money on the road, but like, my brain just doesn't work like that.

• 51:18Mark Normand?

  Yeah, I mean.

• 51:19Speaker 02

  I mean, I guess to write hacky jokes is, yeah, I, I guess that's not necessarily it, but like, to just think another way, it's like, I really can't.

• 51:26Mark Normand?

  That's commendable, that's an artist. You do what you do, you know? Not to use the pretentious term of an artist, but you can't, you're, you can't not be you.

• 51:34Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 51:34Mark Normand?

  I think in a weird way, that's good and gonna propel you later. It sucks in the beginning.

• 51:39Speaker 02

  I mean, it sucks.

• 51:40Speaker 03

  Yeah, once you find your audience, then they'll come for that, then it's just game on.

• 51:43Speaker 02

  Sure.

• 51:44Mark Normand?

  It just took 20 years. You're gonna have some young female comic like, "I just started, you're my hero." And you're like, "Well, bitch, get in line." This is what I had to do. You're like Jackie Robinson.

• 51:53Speaker 02

  I am.

• 51:54Speaker 03

  It's funny when you just can't think in a different way.

• 51:56Sam Morril?

  When I think of Jackie Robinson.

• 51:57Speaker 02

  You think of me.

• 51:58Sam Morril?

  Yeah.

• 51:59Speaker 03

  Think of Jack, Jack K. Robinson.

• 52:00Sam Morril?

  You're the Rosa Parks of comedy.

• 52:01Speaker 02

  It's funny, if you watch the Jackie Robinson movie, like, they make it seem like three baseball games and like racism is cured. Like, he's like, everyone hates him in them four games and everyone's like, "Yeah." It just, it's so funny.

• 52:14Mark Normand?

  Well, we still wanna win.

• 52:15Speaker 02

  Yes, we do.

• 52:17Sam Morril?

  I have a joke I'm working, I want, I tried this joke the other night about like how I, I'll watch the WNBA, but like, I feel like a real feminist when I watch it. Like, wow, I'm a great guy, but then like, the, the non-feminist comes out, cause I love basketball so much, I'll be watching a game and I'll be like, "It's a fucking open layup, you fucking dumb bitch, what the hell? Make a shot."

• 52:39Speaker 03

  Yeah, that's, that's equal.

• 52:40Mark Normand?

  Right.

• 52:41Sam Morril?

  But I, cause I love, I think I, I, you know, I, I love sports, that's the thing.

• 52:45Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 52:45Sam Morril?

  So it comes out, but.

• 52:47Mark Normand?

  You sent me a thing, or you sent it to the group chat about, uh, it was one of the Oasis guys. And he was like, "The industry doesn't know what they want. You gotta show them what they want," or whatever. If you could find that. Did you send me that?

• 52:58Speaker 03

  I sent it to you too. Yeah, it was Liam or Noel Gallagher, the funny one. I forget which one. I think Liam, but I'm not sure.

• 53:05Sam Morril?

  Well, it's like you tell them, like, fashion. Like, it doesn't work that way.

• 53:08Speaker 03

  Yeah, he goes, "Dior doesn't ask, 'What do you guys want to wear this year?'" Dior pushes the line.

• 53:13Mark Normand?

  Yes.

• 53:13Speaker 03

  And you catch up. And then everyone likes it. And he goes, "Music should push the line. Then, well, if you like it, come to us."

• 53:18Mark Normand?

  To me, this is you in a nutshell. This is your comedy.

• 53:21Sam Morril?

  His way is pure, but it's probably not making as much money.

• 53:24Speaker 03

  He goes, "Yeah, he goes, 'The audience is idiots.'" Not my audience, they're brilliant. But everyone else is, is idiots.

• 53:29Mark Normand?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 53:30Speaker 03

  He's so funny.

• 53:31Mark Normand?

  It's so true. I mean, he nailed it. You gotta show them. Because fashion is always avant-garde. And everybody goes, "Oh, I want to be cool. I'll wear that." And then that goes away, and then something else flips, and then you go with that.

• 53:41Speaker 03

  Yeah, exactly. And it's like pushes it further, and then you're like, "Well, we hated this then." And you're like, "All right."

• 53:46Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 53:46Speaker 03

  It's a few. I'm not doing that.

• 53:47Mark Normand?

  Right.

• 53:48Speaker 03

  If you want to direct a fucking documentary, do that. But like, "Well, that's not popular." Like, "All right."

• 53:52Mark Normand?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 53:53Speaker 03

  That's not what I'm doing.

• 53:54Mark Normand?

  You gotta keep pushing it. If you can find, oh, there you go. I think that's it.

• 53:59Speaker 03

  That's it.

• 53:59Mark Normand?

  Fuck the customer. Yes, you found it. Pull it up.

• 54:03Speaker 04

  Well, they got him, and it changed the world. And the consumer didn't want Sgt. Pepper's, but they got it. And they didn't want the Sex Pistols, but they got it. Fuck the customer. The customer doesn't know what he wants. You can give it to him, and he likes it. And now there's an attitude in the music business where it's like, "Well, let's keep the consumer happy, because that's what makes the music business go around." Let's put it this way. If a fashion house is a record label, right?

• 54:28Speaker 03

  Record.

• 54:29Speaker 04

  Dior, or all those big fashion houses, do you think fashion would stay the same if they asked the consumer what they wanted to wear next summer? Why fashion always moves forward? And we all look different, and have different haircuts, and we're all different. Because fashion doesn't focus group it to its fucking customers. Customers are idiots. Ninety-nine percent of them are fucking idiots, you know? Not my customers. They're fucking brilliant. They're brilliant. And I respect you, but the customers of other bands.

• 55:01Mark Normand?

  Hey, that's you.

• 55:03Speaker 02

  I wanted to quote my special initially, tap dancing for retards.

• 55:08Speaker 03

  It was definitely in the final two or three possibilities.

• 55:10Mark Normand?

  That's a great one.

• 55:11Speaker 02

  Cause that's what you're doing. It's just like, they don't, they're so stupid.

• 55:14Speaker 03

  It was also like, we might have to put this on YouTube. So we have to see if Netflix wanted or not, but like YouTube's not gonna allow you to call it retards.

• 55:22Speaker 02

  I know, you could do tap dancing for idiots.

• 55:24Sam Morril?

  When did Netflix become more agreeable than YouTube?

• 55:26Speaker 03

  Yeah, it's swapped.

• 55:27Speaker 02

  At some point, I think they go back, you have to keep going back and forth, I think.

• 55:30Speaker 03

  Netflix does it in the booking and then YouTube does it on the actual up there.

• 55:35Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 55:36Speaker 03

  Once Netflix books you like, do whatever you want, we're not gonna take anything down.

• 55:38Mark Normand?

  That's true.

• 55:39Speaker 03

  Stand by their people. YouTube will be like, no one should see this, you're right.

• 55:43Mark Normand?

  Right.

• 55:43Sam Morril?

  But Netflix wasn't always that way. I mean, we just talked about her, you know, having to cut in the half hour.

• 55:48Speaker 02

  I think at this point, they just know that like, people being upset by stuff is like,

• 55:53Speaker 03

  Helpful.

• 55:53Speaker 02

  Helpful and they, I think they're gambling on this. I have no following, so I think between Louis and Ari and me, like the jokes I think are good. I think they're just like, let's see what happens. It's like throwing shit to the wall.

• 56:04Speaker 03

  Yeah, I forgot they're gonna be mad about Louis. They might also be mad about me helping.

• 56:06Speaker 02

  Oh yeah, and I mean, and you are continually just doing wild stuff, like I know at some point.

• 56:13Speaker 03

  Boycott your premiere.

• 56:14Speaker 02

  At some point, I'm gonna have to apologize for you.

• 56:16Speaker 03

  Oh yeah.

• 56:17Mark Normand?

  No.

• 56:18Speaker 03

  Get them all ready, friends.

• 56:20Mark Normand?

  What a silly world we live in. We're pretty like, ah, just in their house somewhere and we're just telling jokes, having a good time.

• 56:26Speaker 02

  That's the thing, we just wanna have fun. Everyone is mad, even like.

• 56:30Sam Morril?

  We're drinking martinis in the afternoon.

• 56:31Speaker 02

  Even you taking a shit, it's like, it's for, like a goof.

• 56:35Mark Normand?

  It's a goof.

• 56:35Speaker 02

  Yeah, it's to make people laugh.

• 56:37Speaker 03

  Old man yells like, "Clap."

• 56:38Mark Normand?

  And if you get mad, you're the, you're the idiot. You're the one who's wasting calories.

• 56:41Speaker 03

  Everyone's having a good time. Some people just go, mm, not jokes, not for me. And then a third group is mad about it.

• 56:46Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 56:47Speaker 03

  You're like, wow, in the face of laughter, you're angry.

• 56:49Mark Normand?

  And I'm not saying you, you can't be mad. People are like, whoa, oh, I can't get offended. No, you can get offended. You're just dumber.

• 56:55Speaker 03

  You're just, alright, you're dumb.

• 56:55Mark Normand?

  You're just wasting your life.

• 56:56Speaker 02

  Also, just like if you're, it's like, okay, that's just not for me. Why are you using all this energy to be like, you're wrong. I, I don't want, I don't want anyone to see this. It's like, just be upset or leave or whatever.

• 57:06Mark Normand?

  I know.

• 57:06Speaker 03

  People that, I mean, that's the thing.

• 57:07Speaker 02

  You know, people that leave a show that.

• 57:09Speaker 03

  On their way out, they disrupt the show.

• 57:10Speaker 02

  People that just leave a show who are like, this isn't for me, I respect them so much as opposed to person has like,

• 57:15Mark Normand?

  Same.

• 57:15Speaker 02

  I hate you. You shouldn't be allowed to say that.

• 57:18Speaker 03

  I gave a lady props once at the Comedy Store, because it's just a mix of comics, fifteen different comics and a mix of audience. No one's coming to see anyone specific, you know? And this lady was just snarling at me the whole time, fifty-five, sixty years old. Her husband, I assume, was like smiling and laughing, but she was just mad. Seven rows back, five rows back. I could see it the whole time. Didn't yell. And at the end, I was like, thanks, appreciate everybody, that's it for me. And I was like, hey, before I go, there's a lady over here, and, uh, hey lady, uh, you hated me, right? And she goes, yeah, I did. And I'm like, okay, I can see it, for sure.

• 57:50Mark Normand?

  That's a good title, you hated me.

• 57:51Speaker 03

  Yeah, but I was like, but you kept it quiet. You allowed all these other people to enjoy the show. And guys, let's give this lady an applause for handling her hatred the right way.

• 57:59Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 57:59Speaker 03

  And they all standing ovationed her at the Comedy Store.

• 58:02Mark Normand?

  Wow.

• 58:03Speaker 03

  And she smiled, and it was like, you did it right. You don't have to like me.

• 58:06Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 58:07Speaker 02

  Or sometimes someone will just be on their phone. Sometimes someone will be on their phone the whole time during your set, and you're like, you're quiet.

• 58:13Speaker 03

  Yeah, you're quite great. Be quiet.

• 58:15Mark Normand?

  That's fine. You're allowed to hate me, I totally get it.

• 58:17Speaker 02

  Be quiet. Be quiet.

• 58:19Sam Morril?

  That's the type of disagreement, I mean, that's like, that's like something even like a microcosm for America.

• 58:24Mark Normand?

  Yes.

• 58:25Sam Morril?

  That's how it should be.

• 58:26Mark Normand?

  Of course.

• 58:27Sam Morril?

  If you don't like your neighbor, then just fucking keep it quiet.

• 58:29Mark Normand?

  Exactly.

• 58:30Sam Morril?

  You don't have to have it out with everybody.

• 58:32Mark Normand?

  Right. I mean, what if we do that with hot sauce? Hey, hot sauce hurt my mouth, get rid of all of it. No, just don't, don't eat it.

• 58:38Sam Morril?

  That guy won the lawsuit at McDonald's, remember? Because he's got the hot coffee.

• 58:42Mark Normand?

  Hot coffee.

• 58:42Speaker 02

  I think it was an old lady.

• 58:44Speaker 03

  It was an old lady.

• 58:44Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 58:45Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 58:45Mark Normand?

  Women.

• 58:46Sam Morril?

  They complain much more.

• 58:47Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 58:48Speaker 02

  Plus, she was old. I think all of her layers were, were out. Like, I think you just lose layers and it's just eat faster and everything.

• 58:54Mark Normand?

  That's true. You got weaker skin.

• 58:56Speaker 03

  Old ladies, yeah, burns off anywhere.

• 58:59Mark Normand?

  Yeah, just, yeah, completely. Well, it's actually, you know what my new move is? Whenever I'm in Brooklyn or something, and people are getting all offended by my jokes, I go, boy, you guys are pretty conservative. And they're like, wow, wait, what? And I'm like, yeah, you're like Reagan's wife out here. You're clenching your pearls, you're so scared of, uh, jokes. You're like the guys who got mad at Elvis for shaking his hip.

• 59:17Speaker 03

  And nobody wants to be conservative, even conservatives.

• 59:19Mark Normand?

  Yeah, their brain is like malfunction. They don't know how to handle it. Works like a charm.

• 59:23Sam Morril?

  Negging people works.

• 59:24Mark Normand?

  Oh, it works. Then they kick you out. I'm like, you're very Trumpian. You're actually quite like Trump.

• 59:29Speaker 03

  Yeah, they don't like that. You know what's helpful is my friend came to see lesbian, uh, girl's leadership, like, kinda chick. Came to see, um, me at the Comedy Store a long, long time when I was an employee. Holtzman went up. You know how he is.

• 59:40Speaker 02

  I mean, I watched him.

• 59:42Speaker 03

  I had to give a warning.

• 59:43Mark Normand?

  She was offended by Holtzman.

• 59:44Speaker 02

  No, I watched him at Mothership. He did like 20 minutes about killing gay people. I mean, it was just so.

• 59:52Speaker 03

  At MSG for.

• 59:53Speaker 02

  And that's not what he said either.

• 59:54Speaker 03

  At MSG for Kill Tony, he was like, fuck Billy Joel. There's people here who killed themselves because they had to work on the Billy Joel show. It was so great.

• 1:00:02Speaker 02

  He just makes me laugh so hard.

• 1:00:04Speaker 03

  Yeah, but I did tell my friend, I'm like, hey, oh, you might be offended by him. She goes, I won't be offended. And just the warning, then she does like it. Because she's like, I won't be that person. It's so smart to call them.

• 1:00:14Mark Normand?

  Interesting.

• 1:00:15Speaker 02

  Yeah, you're calling them out on it.

• 1:00:17Mark Normand?

  That's why Dark Queen is good. You get it out there.

• 1:00:19Speaker 03

  They know I had.

• 1:00:20Speaker 02

  It can't be a.

• 1:00:20Speaker 03

  Why are you turning in for this?

• 1:00:21Speaker 02

  You can't be upset if you watch it.

• 1:00:23Mark Normand?

  It's like Nashville hot chicken. You can't be like.

• 1:00:25Speaker 02

  It's so hot.

• 1:00:26Mark Normand?

  It's hot. It's called hot chicken.

• 1:00:29Speaker 03

  Hard hitting here at the.

• 1:00:31Mark Normand?

  I'll be at the Ryman in May.

• 1:00:37Sam Morril?

  Did Louis give you any really good tags or anything like that?

• 1:00:41Speaker 02

  There was one joke that he made more succinct and it worked a lot better. It was the same idea. I just had too wordy. I don't remember what the joke was right now.

• 1:00:48Mark Normand?

  Interesting.

• 1:00:49Speaker 03

  He's so good at that.

• 1:00:50Mark Normand?

  He's good.

• 1:00:50Speaker 03

  He sees it for as like.

• 1:00:52Speaker 02

  I mean, he also, I guess, because we wanted the, um, Comedy Cellar not to look like, you know, other people that have shot it there. So he extended the stage six inches. And because I don't move a lot on stage, I just stood at the very top of it and they turned that light off. So it does look a bit, it's like.

• 1:01:06Speaker 03

  It's moody.

• 1:01:07Speaker 02

  If you see, did you watch the color? Yeah, it's beautiful. It looks beautiful.

• 1:01:11Speaker 03

  He wanted to look like a Bruce, Lenny Bruce. He's like, show me the one. He goes, I want to look like this in front of this bricky kinda wall.

• 1:01:19Mark Normand?

  Is there a trailer or something?

• 1:01:22Speaker 02

  So they won't give me any clips for like two weeks out and they won't let me post it until the day before.

• 1:01:27Speaker 03

  We'll give you one.

• 1:01:28Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:01:29Speaker 03

  We'll give you one to play.

• 1:01:29Speaker 02

  Wait, are they letting me do something?

• 1:01:31Speaker 05

  This is a little bit trashier than me and I know that because after my dad died too, I got a huge tattoo of my dad's face on her tit.

• 1:01:39Speaker 02

  Oh, that sounds terrible.

• 1:01:40Speaker 05

  Well, it's supposed to be above our heart.

• 1:01:41Mark Normand?

  Hold on.

• 1:01:42Speaker 05

  But the picture she used is so big that it just looks like a headshot.

• 1:01:47Speaker 05

  She was like, "What are you gonna do for Dad?" I was like, "Nothing. You win."

• 1:01:53Speaker 05

  Dad loves you more.

• 1:01:55Mark Normand?

  Is this the olive tree?

• 1:01:57Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:01:57Mark Normand?

  Oh!

• 1:01:58Speaker 03

  Yeah, the real seller.

• 1:01:59Mark Normand?

  Smart move.

• 1:02:00Speaker 05

  She used a picture of her hairline receding.

• 1:02:02Speaker 03

  See those shells on the side?

• 1:02:03Speaker 05

  I was like, "How old do you get, and how are your tits?"

• 1:02:05Mark Normand?

  Oh, the gold?

• 1:02:05Speaker 03

  Coloring them, yeah.

• 1:02:07Speaker 05

  "The more his hairline's gonna recede."

• 1:02:09Mark Normand?

  No.

• 1:02:10Speaker 05

  That doesn't seem like a nice way to honor Dad.

• 1:02:12Mark Normand?

  How many shows you do?

• 1:02:14Speaker 02

  Four.

• 1:02:14Speaker 05

  You can always see the tattoo when she dresses sexy, which I think makes it...

• 1:02:16Speaker 03

  They're putting for the trailer, they're putting the personal jokes instead of the really dark jokes, huh?

• 1:02:19Speaker 05

  Well, I guess you're gonna [BLEEP] tonight.

• 1:02:21Mark Normand?

  No, they should go hard.

• 1:02:22Speaker 03

  Yeah, they should go harder than this.

• 1:02:23Speaker 02

  But they didn't let me pick those jokes.

• 1:02:26Mark Normand?

  Oh, they never do.

• 1:02:28Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:02:28Mark Normand?

  Hit "Remind Me" there, Matt, just to make sure you...

• 1:02:31Speaker 03

  Yeah, add one more, yeah. Do a little remindy.

• 1:02:33Sam Morril?

  Hey, guys, if you're meeting the parents this holiday season, you wanna dress the part. Chubby's has ultra-cozy comfort clothes that'll keep you feeling warm and looking great while the weather gets worse and worse. From flannels and warm pullovers to soft quarter zips, they'll take you from the pumpkin patch to family dinner. This is really good stuff. I love the pants, because we were just talking about...

• 1:02:53Mark Normand?

  Yes.

• 1:02:53Sam Morril?

  The stretchy pants. They're like, not constricting.

• 1:02:55Mark Normand?

  Yes!

• 1:02:56Sam Morril?

  Some of this designer shit, you put it on, and it's like, you know, I can't move my leg.

• 1:03:00Mark Normand?

  No, you'll rip.

• 1:03:01Sam Morril?

  I'll rip. And then you'll see my shriveled bag. And that's not what anyone wants. So check out their website for the best deals of the year. It's real, it is really good stuff. And it is, it feels goo, I need to dress comfy at this point in my day.

• 1:03:14Mark Normand?

  Yes.

• 1:03:15Sam Morril?

  For a limited ti, uh, for a limited time, our friends at Chubby's are giving We Might Be Drunk listeners 20% off with the promo code DRUNK20 at checkout at chubbyshorts.com. That's 20% off your order with promo code DRUNK20. Support the show and tell them we sent you. This holiday season, gift yourself and your loved ones Chubby's. It really is. It's solid stuff. I really like it.

• 1:03:35Mark Normand?

  Well, that's all I wear. By the way, can I just say as a goy, I'm trying to work on my house. Every six days is a Jewish holiday. They're like, oh, he can't come in today, this guy, the roofer, it's a Jewish holiday.

• 1:03:46Sam Morril?

  Why do you think we can't sell a fucking show?

• 1:03:48Mark Normand?

  I know.

• 1:03:49Speaker 03

  Autumn is the worst.

• 1:03:50Mark Normand?

  So many holidays. I'm like, I've never even heard of half of these.

• 1:03:52Sam Morril?

  I'm a Jew. I'm like, that's a made up fucking holiday.

• 1:03:54Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 1:03:55Speaker 02

  You guys do have a lot of holidays.

• 1:03:56Sam Morril?

  It's a lot.

• 1:03:57Mark Normand?

  And you could say anything and I would believe it because I'm a big old Gentile. I'm like, oh, I guess so. Ha ha.

• 1:04:02Speaker 03

  I took a Hebrew class in college and the teacher was like, who's gonna be out for Passover? And everyone's like, I don't know.

• 1:04:08Sam Morril?

  For real though, because I don't want to change class, cancel class. And everyone's like, oh, cancel class. Yeah, I'll be out.

• 1:04:13Mark Normand?

  Yeah. Chabad of the River Town?

• 1:04:15Speaker 02

  There's something every, there's something every day.

• 1:04:18Speaker 03

  That's just fucking, no, that's just his own personal calendar.

• 1:04:21Mark Normand?

  Calendar's got herpes. It's riddled with just, just dates.

• 1:04:25Speaker 03

  Services, Hebrew school, subs in Sukkot, yeah.

• 1:04:29Mark Normand?

  Sukkot, Rabbah, Elaver Sukkot, services.

• 1:04:34Speaker 03

  Sukkah hopping is the closest we got to Halloween.

• 1:04:36Mark Normand?

  Oh, I thought it was Purim.

• 1:04:38Speaker 03

  Purim is dress up, Sukkah hopping is get treats.

• 1:04:40Mark Normand?

  Ah.

• 1:04:41Speaker 03

  You go Sukkah to Sukkah, getting treats.

• 1:04:42Speaker 02

  I mean, this is crazy to live your life like this.

• 1:04:44Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 1:04:44Mark Normand?

  What is a Jew dressed like? An athlete?

• 1:04:47Speaker 03

  Oprah's for Halloween. Somebody good looking.

• 1:04:52Speaker 03

  Full head of hair.

• 1:04:52Sam Morril?

  That's about that guy coming after me and Ari. Do you see that?

• 1:04:55Mark Normand?

  What? What happened?

• 1:04:56Sam Morril?

  Go to my Twitter for that picture.

• 1:04:58Speaker 03

  You put it up. It's so funny.

• 1:04:59Speaker 02

  Oh, I saw that.

• 1:05:00Sam Morril?

  Yeah. I got some nasty message about this. They're like, it's anti-Semitic. And I'm just like, it's fucking.

• 1:05:04Speaker 03

  That's where the joke is.

• 1:05:05Sam Morril?

  Funny. It looks, we're making fun of Halloween. Go down a little more. Yeah. I share a lot of other people. Yeah, hold on. There we go.

• 1:05:13Mark Normand?

  Ah, that's funny.

• 1:05:14Sam Morril?

  That's fucking.

• 1:05:18Sam Morril?

  You got us.

• 1:05:19Mark Normand?

  He got you there.

• 1:05:22Mark Normand?

  Ah, that's great.

• 1:05:24Speaker 03

  Which one?

• 1:05:25Sam Morril?

  Why didn't he tag Ari? What the hell?

• 1:05:26Speaker 03

  I think I'm left. Why also, yeah, why spell it that way?

• 1:05:30Speaker 02

  Man, that's how he thinks it's spelled.

• 1:05:32Speaker 03

  I mean, it's close. It's close. Might have been a lot of.

• 1:05:34Sam Morril?

  I think, I think I got it worse than Ari. Look at that.

• 1:05:36Speaker 02

  You do get it worse than him.

• 1:05:37Mark Normand?

  Yeah, inbred.

• 1:05:39Sam Morril?

  He's like the dude from Goonies.

• 1:05:42Speaker 03

  Beetlejuice, middle of changing.

• 1:05:44Sam Morril?

  What the hell?

• 1:05:46Speaker 03

  Inbredstein.

• 1:05:50Sam Morril?

  It is funny when they get you good.

• 1:05:52Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 1:05:52Sam Morril?

  Cause they're rare. Most of them are pretty shit.

• 1:05:54Speaker 03

  Alright, well said.

• 1:05:54Sam Morril?

  When you get a good one, I'm like, I'll give it, I'll give it.

• 1:05:56Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 1:05:57Sam Morril?

  It makes you chuckle. You're mad, but it's still like, that's pretty nice.

• 1:05:59Mark Normand?

  I thought Peter saved it.

• 1:06:03Sam Morril?

  He's like, I'll need that later.

• 1:06:04Speaker 03

  He's gonna bring that back.

• 1:06:05Mark Normand?

  Ah, that's a good time.

• 1:06:07Sam Morril?

  Oh boy.

• 1:06:08Mark Normand?

  Yep.

• 1:06:10Sam Morril?

  Well, uh, are you doing the new stuff on the road right now? Are you, are you working stuff out or?

• 1:06:15Speaker 02

  I'm working stuff out. I ha- I kinda hate all of the new stuff. I like some of it, but then I'm doing like stuff about the election and stuff that I'm gonna lose anyway. So it's kind of a waste.

• 1:06:24Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 1:06:25Speaker 02

  But.

• 1:06:25Mark Normand?

  I'll tell you, I think this is gonna turn your whole career around just because people are gonna come out to see you now and then you can be you.

• 1:06:31Speaker 03

  So you get out of 300 people, you're gonna get 50 to 100 at least who are like, I'm here for this. They start laughing, the rest are gonna go, that's the clue that this is a joke.

• 1:06:41Speaker 02

  That's like you just need 30% of the audience that were there.

• 1:06:44Sam Morril?

  It is contagious.

• 1:06:45Speaker 02

  Right now I'll ask an audience, it's like five people know why. Um, the five people are there for me.

• 1:06:49Mark Normand?

  There you go.

• 1:06:50Speaker 02

  I'll always ask cause I'm curious.

• 1:06:51Mark Normand?

  This is gonna flip the script. Now they're gonna come out to see the dark.

• 1:06:55Speaker 02

  Oh boy.

• 1:06:56Speaker 03

  Adrian, by the way, until she fills up her calendar, is gonna be doing a lot of gigs opening for me on my tour.

• 1:07:01Speaker 02

  That's right.

• 1:07:01Sam Morril?

  Pull them up. Plug some dates here.

• 1:07:03Speaker 03

  Um, but, but, uh, you gotta, you gotta tell which ones you want.

• 1:07:07Sam Morril?

  Be great if it was just the same picture from the tour.

• 1:07:11Speaker 02

  The farewell tour. When are you coming back? 2027?

• 1:07:14Speaker 03

  2027, yeah.

• 1:07:14Mark Normand?

  What?

• 1:07:15Sam Morril?

  What the fuck?

• 1:07:16Mark Normand?

  I don't believe that.

• 1:07:16Speaker 03

  Taking some time off.

• 1:07:18Mark Normand?

  Two years?

• 1:07:19Speaker 03

  Yeah, maybe. Two years off the road.

• 1:07:21Sam Morril?

  What if the Yankees are good again next year?

• 1:07:22Speaker 03

  I'll be watching it from fucking Cambodia or some shit.

• 1:07:27Speaker 02

  Are you still going to Cuba?

• 1:07:28Speaker 03

  Yeah, I'm going to Cuba. No power. Me and Bobby, me and Bobby just went for the election to avoid it, to avoid it. Yeah.

• 1:07:34Mark Normand?

  Whoa.

• 1:07:36Speaker 03

  No, that's you know, it's a key.

• 1:07:37Mark Normand?

  I heard it's not that fun. It's just kinda shut down and it closes.

• 1:07:39Speaker 02

  I'll probably do most of these dates with you. I don't really have anything.

• 1:07:44Speaker 03

  Okay, well, come to Pittsburgh with me.

• 1:07:45Sam Morril?

  What do we have, Lake Tahoe, Nevada, Ari, December 21st?

• 1:07:48Speaker 03

  Pittsburgh, Providence, Atlanta, Seattle, Vancouver, Edmonton, Calgary, Portland, Denver, Tampa, Salt Lake, San Antonio, that's about, that's probably good.

• 1:08:00Sam Morril?

  Nashville, Tampa, Denver, all over.

• 1:08:02Mark Normand?

  Hell yeah, hit me up at that Tahoe gig, I wanna do that.

• 1:08:05Speaker 03

  Okay.

• 1:08:05Mark Normand?

  I mean, who's that guy?

• 1:08:07Speaker 03

  Uh, I'll ask him when I'm there, I'm almost there right now, so.

• 1:08:09Mark Normand?

  Throw him out there.

• 1:08:10Speaker 03

  Yeah, it was the last minute out, I'm gonna be there skiing anyway, and I was like, hey, see if you can get me something.

• 1:08:14Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 1:08:15Speaker 02

  Sweet.

• 1:08:16Mark Normand?

  I didn't know there was a room out there.

• 1:08:17Speaker 03

  Yeah, I'm doing, I'm pulling a real Mark Norman, Norman move, I'm gonna be down for a wedding in Florida, so I'm surrounding it with, uh.

• 1:08:24Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 1:08:25Speaker 03

  With dates.

• 1:08:26Mark Normand?

  Dates and pods.

• 1:08:27Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 1:08:28Mark Normand?

  Good for you. That's a good way to pay for the flight.

• 1:08:32Sam Morril?

  Punchup.live/ari-shafir/tickets.

• 1:08:36Speaker 03

  Yeah, but we're not here for me today, we're here for Adrian.

• 1:08:38Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 1:08:39Speaker 02

  Yeah, but then I'm gonna go on the road with you, so it's for both, it's for both of us.

• 1:08:42Speaker 03

  Yeah, it is for both of us.

• 1:08:43Speaker 02

  I remember when I did the Degeneres, and we did that show in Atlanta, and you were like, everyone was so happy to see you.

• 1:08:47Speaker 03

  Yeah, they were stoked.

• 1:08:48Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:08:49Speaker 03

  They've gotten you now, and my audience has gotten you now enough, they're like, oh sick, I was hoping to be her.

• 1:08:53Speaker 02

  I'm sure some are like, ugh, bummer.

• 1:08:55Speaker 03

  But I would always get, like, Abrams' brother came to DC Improv, and, and, and he was like, hey, who opened? My brother keep, can't stop talking about who the opener was, he wants to know the name. It's like, I would get that all the time. And there was these five minutes of like, out of your 20, especially when it was just me and you, out of your 25, that would be like, what the fuck is this? She's not talking about periods. And then like, slowly they're like, oh, and then the chuckles would start about four and a half, and then it would just be crushing, when they're like, oh, she's not serious.

• 1:09:21Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 1:09:22Speaker 02

  Oh, yeah, that's true, you don't know what, right, that's true.

• 1:09:25Mark Normand?

  I also think when you get to theater stuff, you're gonna really crush it, cause I think dark in a theater is way better.

• 1:09:32Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 1:09:32Mark Normand?

  Cause there's a little, there's a, the lights are out, we're all here for this.

• 1:09:36Speaker 03

  Distance.

• 1:09:36Mark Normand?

  It, no, you, yeah, the club are like, they can see you, the lights are on a little more, I think they're, they're more self-conscious.

• 1:09:42Speaker 02

  Maybe, I could tell.

• 1:09:44Mark Normand?

  I think in the theater.

• 1:09:44Speaker 02

  Yeah, I could see like, an audience feels uncomfortable to laugh.

• 1:09:46Mark Normand?

  Yeah, you said it well, we did, uh, we did the Greek with Burt.

• 1:09:50Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 1:09:50Mark Normand?

  And you went really dark, and you're like, I think they like the dark stuff, cause You're like, I can't believe you're saying that to this many people.

• 1:09:56Sam Morril?

  Oh, yeah.

• 1:09:56Mark Normand?

  And it hits harder.

• 1:09:57Sam Morril?

  Yeah, an abortion joke will get a fucking applause break in the Greek.

• 1:10:00Mark Normand?

  Yes.

• 1:10:01Sam Morril?

  There we go.

• 1:10:01Speaker 02

  How big is the Greek?

• 1:10:02Mark Normand?

  Six thou.

• 1:10:03Sam Morril?

  Maybe more.

• 1:10:04Mark Normand?

  Maybe more.

• 1:10:05Speaker 03

  I mean, Adrian MSG opening for Louis in the round, and none of them, none of them know her, none of them.

• 1:10:10Mark Normand?

  You killed.

• 1:10:10Speaker 02

  That was fun.

• 1:10:11Speaker 03

  Had to go on after a fucking legendary jazz musician's son.

• 1:10:15Speaker 02

  Robbie Coltrane, yeah.

• 1:10:16Speaker 03

  And then, uh, but once you start talking about like, how come nine eleven didn't free up more parking spots? And they're just like dying, they're so in.

• 1:10:24Speaker 02

  Well, it's also New Yorkers who are fighting for parking spots. It's like the worst.

• 1:10:28Mark Normand?

  Right, that's great.

• 1:10:30Speaker 03

  Well, you could easily see them going like, we don't joke about that, but they're like.

• 1:10:33Speaker 02

  Not Louis, Louis' audience is whatever I think my audience would be.

• 1:10:36Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 1:10:38Speaker 02

  Sometimes your audience, I feel like, is a little too right for me.

• 1:10:41Speaker 03

  Too correct?

• 1:10:42Speaker 02

  No, like a little, and then I would open for Patton and his audience sometimes would be too left. It depends, you know, it depends where you're at.

• 1:10:49Mark Normand?

  It's all about the middle, baby.

• 1:10:51Speaker 02

  The middle.

• 1:10:52Sam Morril?

  That was good.

• 1:10:52Mark Normand?

  Malcolm in the middle.

• 1:10:53Speaker 03

  Damn, my audience is too right.

• 1:10:54Mark Normand?

  Italy.

• 1:10:54Speaker 02

  Sometimes, not all the time, but you could just see they're just like not happy I'm up there.

• 1:11:00Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 1:11:00Speaker 02

  I forget what show I did with you where they were like not happy. I think it was Wisconsin or something.

• 1:11:04Speaker 03

  I had, uh, two specials.

• 1:11:06Sam Morril?

  I think they're just not happy.

• 1:11:07Speaker 03

  Wisconsin.

• 1:11:08Speaker 02

  No, they loved him. I forget where we did.

• 1:11:11Speaker 03

  Or maybe.

• 1:11:13Speaker 02

  I was also going through a breakup, so I was not, oh my god, do you remember that?

• 1:11:16Sam Morril?

  Those sets are either like magical or the worst sets you'll ever.

• 1:11:18Mark Normand?

  Yeah, true.

• 1:11:19Sam Morril?

  Either find some, sometimes you're trying to make jokes out of it and they're just way too dark.

• 1:11:25Speaker 02

  You have pretty dark jokes too.

• 1:11:26Speaker 03

  Yeah, but during a breakup.

• 1:11:28Sam Morril?

  Blunt, they're just blunt. I don't think I'm dark, I'm just blunt.

• 1:11:32Speaker 03

  During a breakup, you're like, hey, you ever see a woman take all your fucking stuff and leave you and not even give you your spare keys and now you gotta change your fucking locks? Fuck this bitch.

• 1:11:39Mark Normand?

  Wait, you gotta pull up the Geraldo joke where he goes off on his ex-wife on Conan.

• 1:11:44Speaker 03

  Oh, really?

• 1:11:44Mark Normand?

  I mean, it's a great bit, but.

• 1:11:46Speaker 03

  This is such a crazy picture.

• 1:11:47Sam Morril?

  The wheel in West Virginia thing?

• 1:11:49Mark Normand?

  Yeah, it's just a long rant with a great punch at the end.

• 1:11:52Sam Morril?

  God, he was so good.

• 1:11:54Mark Normand?

  I mean, good luck, you gotta find it in there, but, uh, at some point.

• 1:11:57Sam Morril?

  I would write in breakup joke or something, or, or, or, no, wife, I don't fuck.

• 1:12:00Mark Normand?

  It's one of those.

• 1:12:01Sam Morril?

  Wife fight, wife fight.

• 1:12:04Mark Normand?

  Ah, he had a couple. His son works at The Cellar, it's so great.

• 1:12:08Sam Morril?

  Yeah, they're good kids.

• 1:12:10Mark Normand?

  But yeah, sorry, you're gonna have to dig a little bit. Yeah, it's a great joke and it's...

• 1:12:14Sam Morril?

  It's about the misery of the road and, and just...

• 1:12:17Mark Normand?

  Trying to keep a relationship alive.

• 1:12:19Sam Morril?

  And just, yeah, and just the fights you have when she's just like, because I relate so hard to that. Anyone in a relationship where they're like mad you're not checking in enough, but you're like, you don't understand, the day is gone like that.

• 1:12:29Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 1:12:29Speaker 02

  You wake up at, you wake up at 3 o'clock.

• 1:12:32Sam Morril?

  Not with little Gary. Gary gets gone? Let's work out at 8 a.m. and I'm...

• 1:12:37Speaker 03

  Gary works out?

• 1:12:38Speaker 02

  At 8 a.m.?

• 1:12:39Mark Normand?

  Oh, he's jacked.

• 1:12:40Speaker 03

  What does he lift, pencils?

• 1:12:43Sam Morril?

  He lifts the menu for the meals he makes.

• 1:12:46Mark Normand?

  Oh, there it is.

• 1:13:14Mark Normand?

  That's dark.

• 1:13:18Sam Morril?

  You know what's beautiful about that is like, that wasn't written. You know, he just, he just snapped one night on stage. Killed and he was like, oh shit.

• 1:13:26Speaker 02

  I got a, I got a new bit.

• 1:13:27Mark Normand?

  Yeah. Damn, he was good.

• 1:13:30Sam Morril?

  He, and also just the buildup of this insane personal bit and to end it with, have you had that?

• 1:13:35Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 1:13:38Mark Normand?

  Delson is the only guy in, in The Cellar he would, he would be like, I gotta go watch.

• 1:13:43Speaker 03

  Really?

• 1:13:43Mark Normand?

  Yeah. Because he was so real, he was so, the jokes were great, the writing was great, but he was so dark.

• 1:13:50Speaker 03

  The only time I met him was when he judged me on Last Comic Standing correctly for being terrible.

• 1:13:56Speaker 03

  Really disheartening.

• 1:13:57Speaker 02

  Who, Geraldo?

• 1:13:58Speaker 03

  Yeah, I was like worried and trying to change stuff last second and there's literally zero audience. More than the three camera guys.

• 1:14:05Speaker 02

  I had a good interaction with him on Last Comic Standing. It was him, Natasha, and what was the other guy's name?

• 1:14:10Mark Normand?

  Kindler.

• 1:14:10Speaker 02

  Kindler, yeah.

• 1:14:11Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 1:14:12Mark Normand?

  What happened?

• 1:14:12Speaker 03

  I love all of them. Well, I didn't know.

• 1:14:13Speaker 02

  Um... I was being like, pretty dark and they were like, I had a fear they were like, do you want like, I was doing something about being a nanny. Or something.

• 1:14:22Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 1:14:23Speaker 02

  They just had like, a good back and forth with me.

• 1:14:25Mark Normand?

  Oh, nice.

• 1:14:25Sam Morril?

  I met him when I was really young. I just went to see him at comics. It was before the time we went to see him, Mark.

• 1:14:30Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 1:14:31Sam Morril?

  I went to see him for like, this stand-up show Papa was on at Bobby Kelly. It was a great show. And but Geraldo fucking got a standing.

• 1:14:38Mark Normand?

  Wow.

• 1:14:39Speaker 02

  He's so funny.

• 1:14:40Sam Morril?

  And Ray Allen was hosting it and he knew I loved Geraldo. He's like, do you want to meet him? And I was like, really? So I got to talk to him for a couple of minutes and he was just very nice.

• 1:14:47Mark Normand?

  Sweet guy.

• 1:14:48Sam Morril?

  Yeah. Uh, yeah. Great comic.

• 1:14:51Mark Normand?

  Damn.

• 1:14:52Sam Morril?

  Under, underrated.

• 1:14:53Speaker 03

  Underrated, I'd say. You're right. Underrated. He had a moment where he was rated, but then people just forgot about him.

• 1:14:58Mark Normand?

  Yes, yes.

• 1:14:59Speaker 03

  Is that the Wall of Dead?

• 1:15:00Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 1:15:00Speaker 02

  Is his son funny?

• 1:15:01Speaker 03

  I gotta get up there.

• 1:15:02Sam Morril?

  His son's got some jokes. Yeah, he's got some funny stuff. You know, it's, uh, it's, it's probably a good and bad thing to have that last name. Cause people will be, in the business will be like, oh shit.

• 1:15:12Speaker 02

  Right.

• 1:15:13Sam Morril?

  But then also, you're, you're brand new. So, yeah.

• 1:15:16Speaker 03

  Yeah, audience doesn't know anything.

• 1:15:17Sam Morril?

  Yeah.

• 1:15:18Speaker 02

  Isn't it Greg too? Isn't it?

• 1:15:19Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 1:15:20Speaker 02

  Greg that's doing it?

• 1:15:21Mark Normand?

  Definitely.

• 1:15:21Sam Morril?

  Yeah, my agent repped Greg, so he was like, I'm keeping an eye on him, like that.

• 1:15:25Mark Normand?

  Oh, that's nice. Well, on that note.

• 1:15:29Speaker 02

  It's nice he wants to make money off.

• 1:15:32Speaker 02

  I'm keeping an eye on him. It's like, he just want to make money off.

• 1:15:36Sam Morril?

  No, he's, he's got money. He's, this is a, yeah. There we go.

• 1:15:40Mark Normand?

  Hey.

• 1:15:41Speaker 03

  What? That's him?

• 1:15:42Sam Morril?

  Yeah, he looks like him.

• 1:15:43Speaker 03

  That's the one that worked at the Cellar?

• 1:15:45Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 1:15:45Sam Morril?

  He did for a minute and then his other brother was there too.

• 1:15:47Speaker 03

  Oh, that's.

• 1:15:48Speaker 02

  Wait, they're both in it?

• 1:15:48Speaker 03

  I know the other brother. That's what I know.

• 1:15:50Mark Normand?

  He's got seven kids.

• 1:15:51Sam Morril?

  No.

• 1:15:52Speaker 02

  That's crazy.

• 1:15:53Mark Normand?

  Doesn't he have a lot of kids?

• 1:15:54Sam Morril?

  No.

• 1:15:54Speaker 02

  Seven kids is wild.

• 1:15:56Mark Normand?

  His wives were hot.

• 1:15:58Speaker 03

  Geraldo. What has this podcast evolved into?

• 1:16:01Mark Normand?

  Oh, I'm just saying.

• 1:16:02Speaker 03

  Let's cover, let's cover our neighbor's wife.

• 1:16:04Speaker 02

  Why don't your agents keep watching his wife too?

• 1:16:05Mark Normand?

  There you go.

• 1:16:07Speaker 03

  Rrrrr.

• 1:16:10Mark Normand?

  Dark Queen, November 12th, it's already out.

• 1:16:13Sam Morril?

  Go watch it.

• 1:16:14Speaker 03

  Go watch it. Tell your friends. Watch it till the end. Just let it press play and keep going. That's how you help the algorithm there. YouTube algorithm helps with comments. Netflix algorithm goes, just let it play. If you're like, I'm gonna finish this later, let it all play out and then find the spot you left off on. Turn the TV off.

• 1:16:29Speaker 02

  And if you tap out, let me know what joke got you to tap.

• 1:16:32Speaker 03

  That's another one. I wish there was a way to comment like, I had to stop at this point.

• 1:16:35Speaker 02

  I had to stop at this point, you know?

• 1:16:37Mark Normand?

  Don't you have a special cooking with them as well?

• 1:16:40Speaker 03

  January, January.

• 1:16:41Mark Normand?

  Oh.

• 1:16:43Speaker 03

  Yeah, I don't know the exact day yet.

• 1:16:45Speaker 02

  Soon though.

• 1:16:45Mark Normand?

  That's exciting.

• 1:16:46Speaker 03

  Fuck up.

• 1:16:47Mark Normand?

  You're pumping them out, Ari.

• 1:16:48Sam Morril?

  Jew two, Electric Boogaloo?

• 1:16:52Speaker 02

  Electric Boogaloo.

• 1:16:52Speaker 03

  The Bargnator.

• 1:16:56Sam Morril?

  Use that guy's photo for it.

• 1:17:00Speaker 03

  Oh, I gotta do that for the cover. One of the covers is just me back. Alright.

• 1:17:04Mark Normand?

  Where you at there, Sammy?

• 1:17:05Sam Morril?

  Hilarities, November 21st through 23rd. Then I'm not really hitting it hard till February, but we're going hard then. Charlotte, Richmond, Philly, Washington, Bethlehem, Tulsa, Austin, Dallas, Houston, NOLA, Memphis, Knoxville. This goes on for a while.

• 1:17:19Speaker 03

  That's why I'm a tabernacle in Atlanta.

• 1:17:21Sam Morril?

  Yeah, tabernacle's sick. I was just online with a guy who's from Atlanta, was talking about it. Oh, and we got Durham, Atlanta, Birmingham. You see all this shit. I mean, you get it. I'm coming to your fucking city.

• 1:17:33Speaker 02

  Rosie's Am.

• 1:17:33Sam Morril?

  Toronto, yeah, Montreal, all this shit. samarel.com/shows or punchup.live/samarel/tickets. On the bus for pretty much all of these.

• 1:17:43Speaker 03

  You're doing the Masonic in, wow, that's a big one, bro. That's at 5, 6,000.

• 1:17:48Sam Morril?

  No, it's like, it's like 23, I think. 2,300.

• 1:17:51Speaker 03

  I did that for, like, they have a New Year's or Christmas show every year with like a group of comics. That's a fucking big one, bro.

• 1:17:57Sam Morril?

  It's a good one.

• 1:17:57Speaker 03

  It goes this way and this way too.

• 1:17:59Sam Morril?

  I'm excited. Legendary. I fucking love SF. I hope it's doing alright. I haven't been there in a couple of years, but uh...

• 1:18:04Speaker 03

  San Francisco's coming back. Don't believe the hype.

• 1:18:06Sam Morril?

  I love, I know. The fucking media does it.

• 1:18:08Speaker 03

  Yeah, no, it, it, it, tech left them for dead. Forget the homeless. Tech left them for dead. But now the cool people move back in, all the artists move back in. It's, it's, it's about to be the San Francisco that we started in.

• 1:18:18Mark Normand?

  Hopefully.

• 1:18:19Speaker 03

  Early 2000s where it's just cool before it got rich.

• 1:18:21Mark Normand?

  I just did Oakland and we drove into San Francisco to do spots and it was, it felt good.

• 1:18:25Sam Morril?

  They've lost the A's. They gotta come out to comedy.

• 1:18:27Mark Normand?

  Mmm.

• 1:18:28Sam Morril?

  Mark, what are you gonna be?

• 1:18:29Mark Normand?

  And the Warriors. And the Raiders.

• 1:18:34Speaker 03

  Raiders are.

• 1:18:35Mark Normand?

  Yeah, tough, tough, in and out.

• 1:18:36Speaker 03

  They left, they left.

• 1:18:38Mark Normand?

  All right. It's a magical city to make things disappear. Hey, we are in Asheville, got canceled, we're doing Protect Our Parks.

• 1:18:47Mark Normand?

  NOLA, Providence, I'm back in the clubs, I just did Seven.

• 1:18:51Speaker 03

  How fun are they?

• 1:18:52Mark Normand?

  At Cleveland, it's the best.

• 1:18:54Speaker 03

  I'm doing Providence too, it's so fun.

• 1:18:56Mark Normand?

  So fun, we did the 4pm show, that'll, that'll sneak up on you. Wilkes-Barre, Inglewood, New Jersey, Houston, Texas, at the Improv, Phoenix at Stand Up Live, Dallas at the Improv, Nashville at the Ryman, and then a child, so a lot of stuff going on. You might, you wanna babysit there, Darky? All right, we'd love to have you, thanks for.

• 1:19:18Sam Morril?

  Bodega Cat Whiskey, drink at Bodega Cat Whiskey.

• 1:19:20Speaker 03

  It's at the stand now.

• 1:19:21Sam Morril?

  It's coming every, it's everywhere.

• 1:19:23Mark Normand?

  Man, New York Comedy Club, Cellar.

• 1:19:25Sam Morril?

  Bushwick Bar, Peter Luger.

• 1:19:26Mark Normand?

  Oh!

• 1:19:27Sam Morril?

  It's at Strip House, that's why I fucked you that night, I'm sorry, I love you.

• 1:19:33Sam Morril?

  Bodega Cat Whiskey dot com, watch your special. Ari's got a new special coming out, see Ari on tour, and we will see you on the road, guys. See you next week.

• 1:19:41Mark Normand?

  Dark Queen, bet me.

• 1:19:42Speaker 03

  Congratulations.

• 1:19:44Speaker 06

  Sunday's the day for my next fender. A bit of Pivo rec, you know the future's close. I've had a little too much bourbon and Norman's talking shit about the fucking Pope. And I get down in the same way. Up on the roof like a cop's coming and naked Samuel is feeling dangerous. I'm out to lunch here in New Orleans. This woman doesn't look like I remember her. And I get down in the same way. We might be true.

• 1:20:30Speaker 03

  Welcome to the 50th Hunger Games.

• 1:20:32Speaker 07

  Witness the beginning of the revolution.

• 1:20:34Speaker 06

  Hey Mitch, you've been trying to take down these games from the start.

• 1:20:37Speaker 07

  Film for IMAX.

• 1:20:38Speaker 06

  Make them remember you.

• 1:20:41Speaker 07

  The Hunger Games: Sunrise on the Leaping, November 20th, rated PG-13.