Written by a model from the transcript; not yet reviewed.
Psychologist Carly Dober and researcher Pauline Boss explore why the pursuit of closure is often a false promise that traps people in endless loops of distress. The guest and host explain that people crave closure because a traumatic event or betrayal shatters their life story, making them desperate for certainty and answers that perpetrators are rarely able or willing to provide. Instead of waiting for an external resolution from someone who caused harm, the experts argue that true healing requires accepting ambiguity, utilizing symbolic acts like letter-writing, engaging the body to complete stress cycles, and embracing novelty.
The host introduces the episode, setting the stage for a discussion on closure and its myths.
Carly recounts her attempt to seek legal justice for a past trauma and the mental toll it took.
The conversation shifts to the broader idea that people crave closure by finding definitive answers to trauma.
Experts discuss how closure is a misnomer, introducing the concept of certainty and ambiguous loss.
Pauline Boss explains physical, psychological, and personal ambiguous loss and their effects on families and individuals.
Practical advice is offered, from letter writing to embracing ambiguity and engaging in new activities.
The hosts wrap up, emphasizing that closure is a journey, not a destination, and provide resources for listeners.
Closure is actually just certaintyinsight
Professor Pauline Boss reframes the common desire for closure, explaining that people are actually searching for certainty and clear facts rather than an emotional ending.
There is no closureinsight
The discussion highlights that closure is a myth and a waste of time because deep emotional attachment leaves a lasting mark that cannot be neatly erased.
Personality traits affect closuredata
Research indicates that people who prefer order and predictability struggle the most with a lack of closure, whereas open-minded individuals fare much better.
Both and thinking strategystrategy
Pauline Boss introduces the concept of both-and thinking, teaching people to hold two opposing realities in mind simultaneously to reduce stress during ambiguous losses.
Writing and physical releasestrategy
Carly Dober outlines a physical strategy for processing betrayal, involving writing an angry letter, destroying it, and immediately moving the body to cycle emotions.
Using novelty against distressstrategy
Both experts recommend seeking novelty and engaging with the arts to train the brain to tolerate ambiguity and distraction.
“You want to see a death certificate, you want to have remains, you want to know if they are coming back or not.”
“It's messy, it's not linear.”
“There is no closure if there was ever attachment.”
“Family conflict almost always follows ambiguous loss.”
“I think closure is absolutely something you can claim for yourself.”
Closure can feel like the ultimate solution to help us heal. But is it all it's cracked up to be? Today, we learn about ambiguous loss — the type of grief that comes without closure. We know navigating uncertainty is tricky, so what practical steps can we take to process this kind of loss? A heads up, this episode touches on some heavy topics around loss and trauma. Guests: Carly DoberPsychologist Dr Pauline BossProfessor emeritus, University of MinnesotaAuthor, Myth of Closure: Ambiguous Loss in a Time of Pandemic https://www.ambiguousloss.com/resources/ Author, Change and Ambiguous Loss: Learning to Live with Unresolved Grief https://www.ambiguousloss.com/resources/ Credits: Presenter/producer: Sana QadarSenior producer: James BullenProducer: Rose KerrSound engineer: Roi HubermanMore information: The psychology of closure — and why some need it more than others https://theconversation.com/the-psychology-of-closure-and-why-some-need-it-more-than-others-104159Motivated closing of the mind: "seizing" and "freezing" https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/8637961/Beyond dogmatism: The need for closure as related to religion https://www.tandfonline.com/doi/abs/10.1080/13674670210144130?journalCode=cmhr20Need for cognitive closure, tolerance for ambiguity, and perfectionism in medical school applicants https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC7189591/Ambiguous loss https://www.ambiguousloss.com/To explore more great episodes from the award-winning psychology podcast All in the Mind with host Sana Qadar, download the ABC Listen app (Australia) or search 'ABC All in the Mind podcast' wherever you get your podcasts. There you'll find more episodes on mental health, trauma, attachment theory, wellness hacks, and family relationships. You'll also hear interviews with experts like Esther Perel, Billy Garvey and Ethan Kross. All in the Mind is created for ABC's Radio National by specialist journalists and reporters at the Australian Broadcasting Corporation.
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