Ep 532 - Dark Queen & Cuck King (feat. Adrienne Iapalucci)

Support the D. A. W. G. Z. @ patreon.com/MSsecretpod Watch Adrienne's new special 'The Dark Queen' on Netflix now!! Support Adrienne @ https://www.adrienneiapalucci.com/ Go See Matt Live in Irvine CA this Wknd @ mattmccusker.com/dates Go See Shane Live @ shanemgillis.com - New Tour Just Announced Good evening everyone. Here's another hot cast for you guys. Cusk and the dark queen at the podiums. Go check out Adrienne's new spesh on netflix now. No ads this week. It's a Thanksgiving treat! Please enjoy. God Bless. Go See Shawn Gardini Live if you want @ https://www.shawngardini.com/ Go See Lemaire Lee @ https://lemairelee.fun/ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Speaker names marked ? are inferred from speaking time and the show’s known hosts — they are not voice-verified.

• 0:00Speaker 00

  Wow, wow, Wes.

• 0:01Matt McCusker?

  Thank you for doing the podcast.

• 0:03Speaker 02

  Thanks for having me.

• 0:03Matt McCusker?

  Thank you for doing my professional broadcast.

• 0:05Speaker 02

  I love it. I'm counting this as exercise that I'm standing the whole time.

• 0:08Matt McCusker?

  You'll feel it tomorrow. I like, I swear to God, I wake up the next morning, I'm like, dude, did I like work all day? I'm like, technically I worked, but I'm like, I never feel like physically exerted, like I exerted myself and I'm like, feel like I'm putting in an honest day when I stand on the podium.

• 0:20Speaker 02

  Even just shifting weight from foot to foot. I feel like this is picking up me breathing.

• 0:24Matt McCusker?

  I know, it's a whole fucking thing. I had, it took me forever to figure it out. Peas, I like.

• 0:29Speaker 02

  Moving it away. Can you still hear me if I move it away a bit? Okay.

• 0:32Matt McCusker?

  Adrian Appalucci.

• 0:34Speaker 02

  Yes, Matt McCusker.

• 0:35Matt McCusker?

  Is it Adrian or Adrian? What do you prefer?

• 0:38Speaker 02

  I guess Adrian, but I, I'm open to it, yeah.

• 0:41Matt McCusker?

  Adrian Appalucci. I have a serious fear of mispronouncing people's names, so I just usually don't say them ever.

• 0:46Speaker 02

  That's smart.

• 0:47Matt McCusker?

  Well, people pick up on it. When you call someone like dude for the fifth time, they're kind of like, alright, I just.

• 0:52Speaker 02

  I prefer it though.

• 0:53Matt McCusker?

  Me too. I don't think, I don't think we need names. I like, I meet everyone, I'm terrified I'm gonna mess their name up and I'm like, hey, what's up, man? They're like, hi, Matt. And I'm like, alright dude, don't show off, man.

• 1:01Speaker 02

  Yeah, just be like, hey, what's up?

• 1:02Matt McCusker?

  Hey, what's up, man? How you doing? Yeah.

• 1:04Speaker 02

  Also, if someone doesn't know my name, it's like not offensive.

• 1:06Matt McCusker?

  Some people get offended. You know comedians get offended about that.

• 1:08Speaker 02

  Comedians get offended by everything, but it's like, I don't, if you don't know my name, it's like, I have no idea who you are either. Like, this is fine.

• 1:13Matt McCusker?

  It's perfect. Perfect. It is nice. I will say, we were talking about this briefly, but it, the, the idea of like, luckily we met last night, I was happy we got to hang.

• 1:20Speaker 02

  Yes, me too.

• 1:21Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, because it's like, dude, meeting for the first time.

• 1:23Speaker 02

  On a podcast is weird.

• 1:25Matt McCusker?

  And then filming it, that's the worst part. Then you're filming the encounter. It's like Love on the Spectrum, where you have to just like film like a terrible encounter and just be like, so, uh, what is your take? It's just, it's been a nightmare, man. I miss, I miss, I miss my co-host.

• 1:38Speaker 02

  Oh, I bet. He's gonna, he's gonna come back. He's probably very excited to, you know, to be here.

• 1:42Matt McCusker?

  It's, um, yeah, I mean, again, it's like, I, I, I've gotten to the point now where I'm like, I could just go get, like, I, I don't want to get a regular job, but I feel like I, uh, if it happened, I'd be like, yeah, I had, I had a good run. So every day's a blessing.

• 1:55Speaker 02

  You need a regular job. You have like a huge following. That's crazy. I'm closer to a day job than you.

• 2:00Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, perhaps, but it's like, this is the way I think. It's like, I'm, you know.

• 2:05Speaker 02

  What would you do? Would you go back to what you were doing before? You would like try something new?

• 2:08Matt McCusker?

  I think I would try something new.

• 2:10Speaker 02

  Like what?

• 2:10Matt McCusker?

  Therapist.

• 2:12Speaker 02

  I think you need like schooling.

• 2:13Matt McCusker?

  I have my social work masters. I got my masters in social work. Excuse me? Excuse me?

• 2:18Speaker 02

  I don't, I don't, listen, I don't know anything about you.

• 2:23Speaker 02

  I know Matt McCusker, that's about it.

• 2:25Matt McCusker?

  I know, I know. And that's good, man. I think that is a good thing. I, I, um, I don't know, so you have, you, you just got the Netflix special. Congratulations. That's fucking awesome. How do you feel? Do you feel like?

• 2:38Speaker 02

  I feel good about it. I honestly thought people would be more upset.

• 2:42Matt McCusker?

  Why?

• 2:42Speaker 02

  I don't know. I guess because it's some touchy topics. I have gotten some like nasty DMs, which is fun.

• 2:48Matt McCusker?

  Did you really?

• 2:49Speaker 02

  Yeah, one lady I guess got upset by the Gaza stuff and she told me I was a disappointment to Hitler. Like, I'm worse than Hitler. He would be disappointed by my jokes.

• 2:57Matt McCusker?

  What, you're saying, she's saying that you would have offended Hitler?

• 3:01Speaker 02

  She's saying that my joke, first of all, she didn't even understand the joke. She's saying it's like egregious towards Jews. And I'm like, you don't even understand the joke. But also then she's like, you're so bad that you would disappoint Hitler. Like Hitler would think I was over the line.

• 3:16Matt McCusker?

  That's a bold claim.

• 3:18Speaker 02

  I was like, what a, what a huge feat to disappoint Hitler.

• 3:22Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, true. Or just being, him being like, this lady's a menace. This lady's an absolute menace who needs to be stopped.

• 3:28Speaker 02

  She needs to be stopped. Let's get me back there.

• 3:30Matt McCusker?

  History will remember her for all time for the atrocities she committed.

• 3:33Speaker 02

  Yeah, and then like some other lady told me, I was, she was like, you're gonna get fucking canceled, bitch. I'm like, by who?

• 3:40Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, yeah, true. Well, it's, it's a, so, yeah, then I guess like tell me your situation. So are, is this like your first foray into kind of like the public consciousness or like what you've been?

• 3:52Speaker 02

  I mean, I've been doing comedy 20 years.

• 3:53Matt McCusker?

  Okay, yeah, so you've.

• 3:54Speaker 02

  I put an album out and then I did the Degeneres like four years ago on Netflix, which was like just a short set.

• 4:00Matt McCusker?

  So you're no, you're no stranger to? Is this like, is this like more of a swell of like people like hitting you up now or like have you been dealing with people like that?

• 4:08Speaker 02

  I mean, I've always gotten people like even at a show being upset or like after telling me stuff.

• 4:13Matt McCusker?

  Yeah.

• 4:14Speaker 02

  It is weird how everyone feels like they need to tell you what they think.

• 4:18Matt McCusker?

  Yeah.

• 4:18Speaker 02

  You know, like, that's a weird part, I guess, of social media that you didn't realize was, oh, I didn't realize that was gonna happen when we first got on, that everyone has an opinion and they think it matters.

• 4:27Matt McCusker?

  Oh, yeah, big time. Especially when you're just like, did you get upset when you read, like, nasty messages, or is this kinda like?

• 4:34Speaker 02

  I think maybe years ago when I first started and I didn't understand it, but like, I don't care now. They are, actually, I enjoy them.

• 4:40Matt McCusker?

  You think it's kinda funny?

• 4:41Speaker 02

  Yeah, I think it's kinda funny. Also, you give me so much power that you're so mad and worked up that you have to tell me how you feel.

• 4:47Matt McCusker?

  Yeah.

• 4:48Speaker 02

  Like, what a compliment you leave my show. Like, you came to the show, you made plans to have someone watch your dumb kids, and you're so mad that you're gonna go back home.

• 4:57Matt McCusker?

  Probably hit your kids, too. Ever think about that? They're like, that lady fucking doesn't know shit about Gaza, and you're like, you just take it all out and you're sleeping children.

• 5:03Speaker 02

  And I truly don't know anything. I don't know anything about Gaza. A lot of the stuff I make up.

• 5:07Matt McCusker?

  For sure. Everyone makes up everything. Even, like, serious people make up stuff about Gaza. Nobody knows.

• 5:11Speaker 02

  We don't really know. I don't know anything about Ukraine either, but, like, none of it. I know very little about it, and I'm talking about all of it.

• 5:19Matt McCusker?

  As you should. As you should.

• 5:22Speaker 02

  I'm not qualified to really talk about anything.

• 5:23Matt McCusker?

  Dude, I tried to read a book once, and I'm gonna get to the bottom of, like, the whole Israel-Palestine situation. I just got bored. I was like, I'm not doing this. Why should I do this?

• 5:30Speaker 02

  Did you even understand it? Like, if I'm bored, I, like, tune out so quickly. It's, like, very hard to keep my attention, and I'm just, like, out.

• 5:38Matt McCusker?

  I, the first chapter was, like, how Israel got founded, and I made it through a little bit of that, and then I was like, this is too many fucking dates. I don't, I'm done.

• 5:47Speaker 02

  Don't throw dates at me. Too many numbers.

• 5:48Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, it was, it was like, uh, apparently, they, they said that the, what was, they, they said that part of what made Israel, like, you know, a nation-state, it's part of, like, the thing driving America or whatever to help them out was that there were a group of Christians who believed that if, when Jesus come back, when Jesus came back, he wanted the, the Holy Lands to be the way he wa, he left them. So, like, they're like, we need some Jews there, or else Jesus is gonna come back and be like, what the fuck?

• 6:13Speaker 02

  I mean, that's-

• 6:13Matt McCusker?

  This neighborhood's going to shit.

• 6:16Speaker 02

  That's so funny.

• 6:18Matt McCusker?

  I know.

• 6:18Speaker 02

  Where he's like, uh, could you deport me somewhere else?

• 6:21Matt McCusker?

  This is bullshit.

• 6:23Speaker 02

  Don't you think if he was gonna come back, he would've come back already? Like, it's just like, it's not gonna happen.

• 6:28Matt McCusker?

  I don't know. He might, he could be waiting for the, he might be checking Zillow, being like, tents are going for fucking nothing right now. I thought my tent would be worth fucking 10 million dollars by now.

• 6:38Speaker 02

  I believe in it more if he went back to like Flint.

• 6:41Matt McCusker?

  Flint, Michigan?

• 6:41Speaker 02

  I'm gonna turn this place into a-

• 6:43Matt McCusker?

  That would be so sick if Jesus did come back. And we're like, dude, we're just fucking kidding. Yeah, we're just kidding, Jesus, you fucking rule, thank you so much for coming back. Yeah, I, I think that is. I don't, I don't think he's a, you know, again, it's like, I don't even wanna say it, 'cause if he comes back, he's gonna be like, psh, you hell.

• 6:58Speaker 02

  Fine, I don't care.

• 6:59Matt McCusker?

  See, it doesn't matter what you think privately, all you have to do is say like, yeah, he's definitely coming back.

• 7:03Speaker 02

  But you, also, if you're like, a Christian, you could just be like, I'm sorry, right before you die, and everything's forgiven.

• 7:08Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, you can. You could do that. But again, then it's like, then you go into the afterlife, and you're gonna spend eternity just being like, sweet, I did it, I tricked him. He's like, go around drinking like, free Starbucks forever.

• 7:19Speaker 02

  You could just go around to everyone and be like, I still don't believe.

• 7:22Matt McCusker?

  True.

• 7:22Speaker 02

  Actually, I think it's fake.

• 7:24Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, hell's a, did you go to like Catholic school, or like-

• 7:26Speaker 02

  I went to Catholic school my whole life.

• 7:27Matt McCusker?

  Did you say it here?

• 7:28Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 7:29Matt McCusker?

  Did you believe in hell when you were little?

• 7:32Speaker 02

  I guess, you know, they drill it into your head pretty bad, and then at some point, you're like, church is boring, I don't believe any of this.

• 7:38Matt McCusker?

  Yeah.

• 7:39Speaker 02

  So, I don't know, I don't believe any of, I think it's all fake.

• 7:42Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, I think a lot of it is definitely fake. I mean, obviously, say that to the picture behind you. I was trying to get the most like, just drawing artwork I could possibly find.

• 7:50Speaker 02

  Is that supposed to be Jesus?

• 7:51Matt McCusker?

  I don't know. I don't know if that's like the underworld boss, that might, that might be Satan himself.

• 7:55Speaker 02

  Oh, okay. And then up here is heaven? No, is this-

• 7:58Matt McCusker?

  That's earth.

• 7:59Speaker 02

  Oh, and that's heaven?

• 8:00Matt McCusker?

  It's a chorus of angels, yeah. Well, this is, let me tell you, this is what, how this whole, um, idea came to fruition, this, this whole like, just stupid set. Um, I just was like spinning out, just trying to figure out, like, I just wanna do like a different look while Shane's gone, this'll be fun. And I, I like took, I had off, I, I used to do like mushroom microdosing a lot, and then I stopped for a while, and then like, I just got back at it, and then the first day, I was back on like the little mushroom microdose. I just came up with this idea and then I like ended up carrying it out and now I'm kinda like this is a bad fuck. This is a terrible fuck.

• 8:32Speaker 02

  What do you think is bad about it? The pictures? I like the pictures.

• 8:34Matt McCusker?

  The pictures are cool. I just think it's just too weird. Like, I don't know if it translates. If people are like, this guy's a fucking loser.

• 8:39Speaker 02

  I think people just like you. It doesn't matter what you do.

• 8:41Matt McCusker?

  You think so?

• 8:41Speaker 02

  Like, fans, when they like you, will really just follow whatever you do. It is a crazy cult-like thing.

• 8:47Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, true.

• 8:47Speaker 02

  Where you're like, hey, I'm actually gonna go off the rails. You guys should not follow me.

• 8:50Matt McCusker?

  I'm gonna do something fucked up.

• 8:52Speaker 02

  Please don't follow me.

• 8:53Matt McCusker?

  I can't wait for the moment I get to like betray their trust and just fall like so bad. Like, just have like just meth and Young Boys.

• 8:59Speaker 02

  You're still gonna have a lot of people that are gonna follow you.

• 9:02Matt McCusker?

  Not if I smash the meth and Young Boys button. That's the one.

• 9:06Speaker 02

  You still will.

• 9:07Matt McCusker?

  No way.

• 9:07Speaker 02

  There still will be five to 10 people who are like, let's hear him out. I don't, I'm not gonna make any joy, I'm not gonna make any decisions until I hear what Matt has to say.

• 9:15Matt McCusker?

  That would be cool if I had five, just five fans.

• 9:17Speaker 02

  Five fans.

• 9:18Matt McCusker?

  Diehards.

• 9:19Speaker 02

  They come, but like, they'll come to everything you do and eventually you'll hate them.

• 9:22Matt McCusker?

  True. I'd be living with them.

• 9:25Speaker 02

  They'll be your man.

• 9:25Matt McCusker?

  Guys, let's get an apartment, dude. We're, let's be real fans.

• 9:27Speaker 02

  Let, let's.

• 9:30Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, it, it, it does set up, it's a, um, I, I do have like, uh, I have misgivings with the whole thing of like, you know, like, the point of show business is to achieve fame.

• 9:41Speaker 02

  Sure. You need some level of success to pay your bills.

• 9:44Matt McCusker?

  Exactly. But it's.

• 9:45Speaker 02

  Weird.

• 9:46Matt McCusker?

  It's bad. And I think it's, well, I think it's bad for, I think it's, you know, it's not inherently bad, but I think it is, it can be bad for you. And it's like, I, I just wish more people looked at it like, just, it's just a business. It's like, dude, if you're making more than a regular job, you did it, dude.

• 9:58Speaker 02

  Right, you're successful. And you should just be happy with that.

• 10:01Matt McCusker?

  Never, never the case.

• 10:02Speaker 02

  No, you always just want more.

• 10:04Matt McCusker?

  Yeah.

• 10:05Speaker 02

  There's like nothing where you're like, oh, this is nice. I think you're excited for something for like a couple of days.

• 10:10Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, max.

• 10:11Speaker 02

  And then you're like, I mean, I'll still say like, I'm gonna quit comedy. Like, I'm still 20 years in.

• 10:17Matt McCusker?

  I can't wait. I can't fucking wait.

• 10:19Speaker 02

  I'll still be like, I'm gonna quit. I tell people that all the time.

• 10:23Matt McCusker?

  I threatened my wife with it. I'm like, I'm fucking quitting.

• 10:26Speaker 02

  Well, you have a family.

• 10:27Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, and I'll threaten, I leverage it over the head.

• 10:28Speaker 02

  I could quit.

• 10:29Matt McCusker?

  What would you do?

• 10:31Speaker 02

  I don't know. I guess I could, I did also somewhat social work. I didn't get my masters. I was a crimes victims advocate for a while.

• 10:37Matt McCusker?

  Whoa.

• 10:38Speaker 02

  Yeah, but you get paid nothing.

• 10:40Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, they don't pay very much at all.

• 10:41Speaker 02

  Yeah, and then somebody I was like advocating for stole my wallet and then I became a victim of crime.

• 10:46Matt McCusker?

  What?

• 10:47Speaker 02

  And you're like, I don't even wanna help people.

• 10:49Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, I'd be sick of those comedian origin stories, like, then I came up comedian.

• 10:53Speaker 02

  Uh, I think I did my first open mic when I was there and then that guy stole my wallet and I quit.

• 10:57Matt McCusker?

  Be like, fuck this. It is kinda miserable work, man. There is some, I knew someone who worked with homeless people and I was like, how's that work? And they're like, I just like beat them, place, I meet them on like street corners and just, I was like, how do you, like, I was like genuinely curious, like, how do you set appointments with them? He's like, you just, you know, you meet them.

• 11:13Speaker 02

  But then what do you do for them?

• 11:14Matt McCusker?

  I think you just kinda like try to hype them up. You're like, bro, you got this.

• 11:17Speaker 02

  For living on the street?

• 11:18Matt McCusker?

  You got this dude.

• 11:20Speaker 02

  Hey man, summer's coming. Just stick with it.

• 11:24Matt McCusker?

  I think you hype them, I think you hype them up on like, one day you can rent a room run by like an absolutely just disgusting slumlord.

• 11:32Speaker 02

  Right.

• 11:33Matt McCusker?

  With no electricity. Dude, I would, I used to find housing for inmates and like, some of those rooms are like, the rooming houses are like.

• 11:40Speaker 02

  Worse than probably a prison.

• 11:42Matt McCusker?

  Dude, terrible. Like, it was for real. I went into one specifically and I called the landlord. I'm like, dude, you're a piece of shit. And he was like, they're, they're fucking ruining everything anyway, bro. It was.

• 11:51Speaker 02

  They're both right. You're both right. It is a piece of shit and they're also probably gonna ruin everything.

• 11:56Matt McCusker?

  That is true. That is true. But I was like, dude, just fucking paint the place, man. This is terrible.

• 11:59Speaker 02

  What did it look like? Would they have, first of all, I can't deal with like bugs. If it has roaches and shit, I'm out.

• 12:04Matt McCusker?

  I've seen places, this place did not have any bugs. To his credit, I didn't see the bugs. Uh, there were broke, well, there was a missing window, one of the windows, just, there was just a, it wasn't a window, it was a hole in the wall.

• 12:14Speaker 02

  Oh.

• 12:14Matt McCusker?

  Um, that was fucking jarring. True. Fresh air, Benjamin Franklin breathing fresh air.

• 12:21Matt McCusker?

  Benjamin Franklin breathing fresh air every day. He died from an abscess in the lungs, so.

• 12:24Speaker 02

  Oh, bad. Wow.

• 12:26Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, well, loves you, kills you. But the, uh, yeah, I walked into like this like entranceway and it was a tile floor that had been chipped up, but just never, just never finished. It was just, the floor had been chipped up.

• 12:37Speaker 02

  Okay.

• 12:37Matt McCusker?

  And there were extension cords just everywhere, cause I, I don't know what was going on with the electricity. But the most like jarring, and it was just like the one bathroom had like, they like just jammed, the toilet was just filled with like wood scraps. But then there was another bathroom, thank God. But like the, the most jarring thing I saw was like a old, it was like an eighty something year old man just laying in a sleeping bag on the floor in his like room. Just kind of just like.

• 13:01Speaker 02

  That's sad.

• 13:01Matt McCusker?

  Kind of like, not whimpering, but just, he wasn't resting. He was like moving around a lot and I just like looked in his room and was like, Jesus fucking Christ. And I was with the guy to like show him the place. And oh no, I was there to like see the guy was like, you need to see this shit. This is fucked up. And I was like, this is certainly fucked up. I was like, how much money do you make a month? He's like $400 a month from social security. I'm like, you're gonna keep living here, dude.

• 13:21Speaker 02

  Yeah, or go back on the street. There's a lady that's gonna hype you up.

• 13:24Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, you're gonna lady that hype you.

• 13:27Speaker 02

  This is so much better than that place.

• 13:29Matt McCusker?

  Dude, you're free now, man.

• 13:31Speaker 02

  Yeah, you could do whatever you want. I mean, $400 a month is not a lot of money.

• 13:34Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, it's, it's, yeah, it's not at all. I think the, the rooms went up to like six, it started becoming like $600 a month. So that was like a big deal. And those rooms were like 600. Sorry, my shit's all fucked up. Definitely doing lapel mics. I'm such a fucking idiot. My stupid ideas.

• 13:48Speaker 02

  I believe in it.

• 13:50Matt McCusker?

  Thank you. You're the only one who does believe in it, man. I was, that was.

• 13:52Speaker 02

  I don't mind it. It's not that bad now. Like, once you get used to it.

• 13:54Matt McCusker?

  Once you get, once you get dialed in.

• 13:55Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 13:56Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, dude, I, I appreciate that.

• 13:57Speaker 02

  I'd actually like to go on stage like this.

• 13:59Matt McCusker?

  I, I would fucking love it, man. That, that, a lot of like TikTok comedians rock the fucking, uh, Titus did it. He's not a TikTok comedian, but Titus had the fucking thing.

• 14:08Speaker 02

  I would love to be TikTok famous and not even have to do stand up and just be in, like, in my house, behind a green screen and just doing whatever dumb shit I do.

• 14:17Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, just do rants.

• 14:18Speaker 02

  It's so much better.

• 14:19Matt McCusker?

  Just go, another thing, yeah, just like another thing. Yeah, that's a, then you get, those guys tour and they sell out everything.

• 14:24Speaker 02

  What do they do when they, ah!

• 14:26Matt McCusker?

  Oh, my bad. I forgot to tell you. I forgot to tell you. You gotta clip this to yourself. I'm so sorry, dude.

• 14:34Matt McCusker?

  He's pulled your hair.

• 14:37Speaker 02

  I was like, oh, this is great until it's not. I guess this has to be clipped somewhere.

• 14:42Matt McCusker?

  That's my bad. I will fully, I will fully accept responsibility for that.

• 14:46Speaker 02

  Listen, it's my fault.

• 14:48Matt McCusker?

  Please clip that. Don't forget to clip it.

• 14:49Speaker 02

  I'm gonna clip it.

• 14:50Matt McCusker?

  I'm gonna get lobs. Uh, this is, this is bullshit, dude.

• 14:53Speaker 02

  It's not that bad. I don't know what I did.

• 14:55Matt McCusker?

  It, it just, I should have told you to clip that thing. Just clip it on. You can put it on this thing. Depends how much range of movement you want.

• 15:02Speaker 02

  I don't know. I'll just leave it right here.

• 15:04Matt McCusker?

  Alright.

• 15:04Speaker 02

  Now I know about it. I'll be.

• 15:05Matt McCusker?

  Now you know where it is. That thing fucking rips though. When it falls, it's falling on me. It's, it rips. It's heavy. That thing's like six pounds.

• 15:11Speaker 02

  Everything's going to shit so quickly.

• 15:14Matt McCusker?

  Well dude, I was pumped. I will say, when I reached out and I was like, "By the way, we're gonna stand at podiums." People really were like, "What the fuck?" Like, people get pissed when I tell them, and you were like, so gracious.

• 15:23Speaker 02

  I've done podcasts in my car.

• 15:25Matt McCusker?

  That's when you said that, I said, "Alright, we got a real one on the line, dude. Thank god." That's awesome.

• 15:31Speaker 02

  What, they like the standing up part?

• 15:33Matt McCusker?

  I think, I don't know. I think there's a standing up aspect, there's the, uh, potential of looking somewhat foolish that I think some people don't like to do.

• 15:41Speaker 02

  I mean, I look foolish every night when I do stand up.

• 15:45Speaker 02

  How much worse could it be?

• 15:46Matt McCusker?

  You got, I think you have to move your...

• 15:47Speaker 02

  I have to move it back.

• 15:47Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, sorry. Adjust your technology.

• 15:49Speaker 02

  Sorry, I need a person.

• 15:52Matt McCusker?

  So, so you've been doing standup for 20 years. Isn't that fucked up? You have to do it for so long for it to like, maybe, maybe fucking start to work out?

• 16:01Speaker 02

  I mean, it's only started to kinda work out, cause other comics have helped me. Like, it's really taken a village.

• 16:06Matt McCusker?

  Yeah. Well, that's kinda, look, bro, you're preaching to the fucking choir.

• 16:09Speaker 02

  No, I know, but I'm still nowhere. Like, I have like 36,000 followers, I think. It's still very sad.

• 16:15Matt McCusker?

  You got that Netflix, you got the Netflix special.

• 16:17Speaker 02

  Yeah, I think I've got like 4,000 followers from it.

• 16:20Matt McCusker?

  There you go. Rogan, you got the Rogan bump?

• 16:22Speaker 02

  Yeah, but you know what's funny? On the Rogan thing, I was looking at the comments, and everyone was like, "Ugh, it was just men for three weeks. What a great run." Everyone was bummed that I was there.

• 16:31Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, that's, that can happen. You are, you're the third female comic, the third female guest we've ever had. First one was a...

• 16:38Speaker 02

  So, all of your fans are gonna also hate me?

• 16:39Matt McCusker?

  No, I think they'll love you. I think they'll love you. It's time, it's time, look.

• 16:42Speaker 02

  It's fine. I just don't wanna know the comments. It's like...

• 16:45Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, don't read the comments, but I will say...

• 16:47Speaker 02

  Another fucking woman!

• 16:48Matt McCusker?

  No, I think they'll be chill, dude.

• 16:50Speaker 02

  Who are your other com- who else have you had on that's a woman?

• 16:53Matt McCusker?

  So, we, we were in Philadelphia, during like 2016, the Philadelphia comedy scene got divided, and everyone was fighting, and, uh...

• 17:01Speaker 02

  Fighting about what?

• 17:02Matt McCusker?

  Just fucking like Trump, all that bullshit. And like, you know, the, the, you know, whatever. Uh, all the stuff associated with like the social justice warrior movement. And I remember at a time, I think this was my idea, I'm almost positive it was, and I was like Shane, let's get this one comedian we know, she's like a super feminist, we'll fucking argue and we'll own her with logic and we like, I just became-

• 17:22Speaker 02

  I love this already.

• 17:24Matt McCusker?

  I, I know, this was our first female guest and I just kinda like clammed up and I was like, I don't wanna be mean to this lady. So we just had like a terrible podcast where we like, half argued and it was just bad, the whole thing was bad. First female guest, people were furious, people find, it's like an old, old episode that like, we like, we like burned our back catalog, it was just too, it was terrible, it was like really problematic, but the uh,

• 17:44Speaker 02

  That's what I wanna see the most now.

• 17:45Matt McCusker?

  It's still floating around and people will find that old episode, like this fucking sucks.

• 17:49Speaker 02

  Oh yeah, I don't, I don't wanna hear it, I'll never come back. I don't want people to be upset with you guys.

• 17:55Matt McCusker?

  Bullshit, no, no, no.

• 17:56Speaker 02

  I'd rather they're just not upset that you guys have a woman on.

• 17:59Matt McCusker?

  That's bullshit, I think it's, well, I think that's bullshit, I think that's bullshit. Our second guest was a-

• 18:04Speaker 02

  Oh boy.

• 18:04Matt McCusker?

  Woman who made money by pretending she was a dog for like a sexual thing. Puppy girl Jenna, um.

• 18:13Speaker 02

  I mean, I'm in good company, I gotta be honest, I gotta be honest, I'm, I'm in good company.

• 18:20Matt McCusker?

  I was so excited to tell you that. It was a lady-

• 18:23Speaker 02

  How did that do?

• 18:24Matt McCusker?

  Uh, it was, it was interesting, she like walked into our house, it was my brother's house we were recording at, and as she stepped up, she had like, not a handler, it was her boyfriend was there, but he was still like-

• 18:34Speaker 02

  That is her handler.

• 18:35Matt McCusker?

  He technically was, he had like a leash and everything, she didn't come in as a dog, she walked in and like, somehow her boobs just fell out of her shirt.

• 18:43Speaker 02

  Of course they just fell out of her shirt.

• 18:44Matt McCusker?

  They came out of like the top, she was a very, obviously she was scantily clad.

• 18:48Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 18:48Matt McCusker?

  And uh, it just, they just spilled out upon entering, we were like, what the fuck? And then uh, yeah, we just asked her about-

• 18:55Speaker 02

  Did she stay on the floor the whole time?

• 18:57Matt McCusker?

  No, she sat up, she was a good, she was a good girl, no, she, she sat in the chair and talked normal.

• 19:02Speaker 02

  Okay.

• 19:02Matt McCusker?

  But she had her stuff with her and was explaining how, she had like an OnlyFans where they did, like puppy play and that was like, she made fucking millions of dollars dude.

• 19:10Speaker 02

  I, I mean-

• 19:10Matt McCusker?

  Just like licking water out of a bowl.

• 19:13Speaker 02

  That's not that bad, I could do that.

• 19:14Matt McCusker?

  Yeah.

• 19:15Speaker 02

  What else do you have to do?

• 19:17Matt McCusker?

  Her boyfriend was kinda a little weird, I don't know, he was obviously having like dog sex with her, I guess, but so you have to have dog sex with like a fucking weird guy with a shaved head.

• 19:26Matt McCusker?

  I don't know.

• 19:26Speaker 02

  I feel like she probably made enough money to leave him.

• 19:29Matt McCusker?

  Now she chills, yeah, now she like, she made enough where she just kinda like, just, you know, it's like when you start a subscription based thing, you can just, after a while.

• 19:37Speaker 02

  You could just stop.

• 19:38Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, people are like, I'm not gonna go my credit card and change this, so.

• 19:41Speaker 02

  Right, and how many times can you just like walk around a room, like whatever dogs do?

• 19:46Matt McCusker?

  Exactly, yeah, just, yeah, do a little circle on your bed and go to, yeah, lay down, but I, I think she just kinda, from what I've heard, she just kinda chills now and like, doesn't even, I don't know if she got into like hardcore content, so that's, that's kind of, I didn't look, I didn't wanna cross.

• 19:59Speaker 02

  I wonder what the jump is from like being a dog to hardcore sex for money.

• 20:04Matt McCusker?

  I think it's pretty quick, I think it's like, especially if you start seeing like, you know.

• 20:07Speaker 02

  Do you stop at some point acting like a dog and you're like, I'm back, I'm just me?

• 20:11Matt McCusker?

  True, I'm just me, it's like the Liver, are you familiar with the Liver King?

• 20:14Speaker 02

  No.

• 20:15Matt McCusker?

  Liver King is a, he was an influencer who just ate organ meat and he's like very primal.

• 20:21Speaker 02

  Okay.

• 20:22Matt McCusker?

  And he's got yoked, he was huge, and then it all came, he was lying about being on steroids, he was just on steroids, and he was eating liver to be fair, and he has the Liver King, and there's a Liver Queen, is his wife, then he has the Liver Boys.

• 20:34Speaker 02

  So none of them eat like cupcakes or anything?

• 20:36Matt McCusker?

  No, and they don't even like, they, they don't have like technology in the house, it's like supposed to be like this weird kind of like trad life porn where you could watch this guy just like chopping firewood.

• 20:46Speaker 02

  Can you just be a fucking, can you, can you just be a mailman? Like, what are we doing here? Why are we living like this? Like, it's crazy, why are we doing this?

• 20:57Matt McCusker?

  He wishes he was a mailman because the fame tore him apart, he became the Liver King and then he admitted to being on steroids, eventually does Liver King 2.0, and now I think he's Liver King 3.0, and he's just apparently just falling apart before everyone, like, he's like losing his mind on a YouTube channel.

• 21:11Speaker 02

  I know, at some point we're like, hey, we're gonna stop filming this.

• 21:14Matt McCusker?

  I don't know, he'll never stop, it's him, he's filming himself, so no one's gonna stop filming.

• 21:17Speaker 02

  I know, but he should stop filming, like, once your family's life is ruined or whatever the fuck is happening.

• 21:22Matt McCusker?

  Yeah.

• 21:23Speaker 02

  When you're crying every day, you're gonna be like, I'm, I think we're done here, I think the show's over, I'm fully depressed.

• 21:31Matt McCusker?

  What are the liver boys gonna do?

• 21:33Speaker 02

  I don't know. Go get a fucking job. I don't understand.

• 21:36Matt McCusker?

  Join the military.

• 21:37Speaker 02

  Why do people care if they're just eating liver?

• 21:40Matt McCusker?

  I don't know.

• 21:40Speaker 02

  Why is that a thing?

• 21:41Matt McCusker?

  Because you got so jacked.

• 21:42Speaker 02

  He was just doing steroids. Once that comes out, it's like the show's a sham.

• 21:46Matt McCusker?

  That's what happened. But now, but now, liver, it's a trinity.

• 21:49Speaker 02

  I gotta watch this guy now.

• 21:51Matt McCusker?

  You do. It's pretty funny. And it's like, you gotta start early. And that is kind of fun, though. There was something like, in a voyeuristic sense, to watch somebody slowly lose them. I did that with another channel. There's a channel called Psych Substance, and the guy was like, he would just like do massive amounts of mushrooms or LSD and like film himself doing it. Or like, he would film the setup and then like talk about this is what happened. But then he set up this business model where like, in order to get money, he had to like smoke DMT while on acid and like, just not a, you know, it's not sustainable, I'm sure. And he fucking started kind of losing his mind. Like, he like went nuts. He got addicted to kratom. His wife left him. It was like-

• 22:26Speaker 02

  What is kratom exactly? I know it's like a dust.

• 22:28Matt McCusker?

  Just explain this. The uh-

• 22:29Speaker 02

  Oh, sorry. It was-

• 22:30Matt McCusker?

  No, no, no, no, no.

• 22:30Speaker 02

  This redundant, I don't, I don't know.

• 22:31Matt McCusker?

  Not at all. No, I'm excited because it's like, bam, the topic, I know.

• 22:33Speaker 02

  Is it like suboxone? Where like you take it to get off something else?

• 22:37Matt McCusker?

  So dude, it's like, it's a, it's just a plant, but that it has opioid properties.

• 22:42Speaker 02

  Okay.

• 22:43Matt McCusker?

  So yes, you can use it as like a transfer to like help ease withdrawal symptoms. And then some people take it as like in small doses, it's energy. It can give you like an energy boost. But it will create a physical addiction like an opiate will eventually.

• 22:56Speaker 02

  So you will become addicted to it?

• 22:57Matt McCusker?

  Yeah.

• 22:58Speaker 02

  So my biological father, uh, was addicted to, I guess, is it meth? What do you take to get off heroin?

• 23:05Matt McCusker?

  Uh, not meth. Well, you can't, you, some people, I've heard of people taking meth.

• 23:09Speaker 02

  But what is the thing that they give you, like?

• 23:11Matt McCusker?

  Methadone.

• 23:12Speaker 02

  Right. I think, but I don't think he ever did heroin. I think he was just addicted to methadone.

• 23:16Matt McCusker?

  That happens. People, if you're, you know, if you, people who go to the methadone clinic keep their methadone. A lot of times is if it's a liquid, they'll put it in their mouth and spit it back out and then sell the methadone liquid. Because you'll get high as fuck. If you and I were to party down on some methadone, we would get rocked.

• 23:30Speaker 02

  And then you spit it out and sell it?

• 23:31Matt McCusker?

  Yeah.

• 23:31Speaker 02

  That's crazy. Your body doesn't like take any of it in?

• 23:35Matt McCusker?

  Well, you're a heroin addict. Doesn't matter. If you take a little methadone in your system, it's, you know, you're just gonna get more done that day, I guess.

• 23:40Speaker 02

  Wait, you put it in your nose and then spit it out?

• 23:42Matt McCusker?

  Mouth. They used to give it, now they, it gives some people little pills too. I know people would have methadone pills and you get sent home, you could sell those. But for a while, it was a liquid. They'd watch you put it in your mouth. You have to just like, uh, walk out and spit it back in a little vial. Now you can sell some methadone.

• 23:55Speaker 02

  Crafty people.

• 23:56Matt McCusker?

  They are very crafty. They also figured out, um- Not to, I'm sorry to hear he got addicted to methadone. That is like, seems like-

• 24:03Speaker 02

  I mean, he wasn't in my life. I wish he was actually on heroin and died.

• 24:06Matt McCusker?

  True, true, fair enough.

• 24:10Matt McCusker?

  Is he, is he dead?

• 24:11Speaker 02

  He's not dead. Uh, it's very, it's a weird-

• 24:14Matt McCusker?

  What's he up to?

• 24:14Speaker 02

  He's got like five kids. He lives upstate somewhere in New York. I met him and then he was like, "You look just like your mom." And I was like, "Okay." He's like, "Yeah, your mom's beautiful." I was like, "This is weird."

• 24:26Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, why you trying to riz me up, dude?

• 24:27Speaker 02

  Yeah, it's weird.

• 24:30Speaker 02

  But I remember like-

• 24:30Matt McCusker?

  Can you, I'm sorry to cut you off. Can you move this back a little bit?

• 24:33Speaker 02

  Oh, sure.

• 24:33Matt McCusker?

  You're okay, it's just-

• 24:34Speaker 02

  Back this way?

• 24:35Matt McCusker?

  Away from you a little bit.

• 24:36Speaker 02

  Like that?

• 24:36Matt McCusker?

  Perfect.

• 24:37Speaker 02

  Okay. Um, I'm just not gonna move. I think I just-

• 24:39Matt McCusker?

  No, you're good. It's, it's, this is my problem.

• 24:42Speaker 02

  It's not, I-

• 24:42Matt McCusker?

  You're not doing anything wrong.

• 24:43Speaker 02

  It was okay and then I moved this thing.

• 24:44Matt McCusker?

  No, it was, I literally told you to move it closer and I'm like, "Fuck, then you gotta move it back." But, go on.

• 24:48Speaker 02

  It's not a big deal.

• 24:49Matt McCusker?

  So he had-

• 24:50Speaker 02

  So anyway, I met him one time. He was, it was nice. He was actually pretty emotionally open. I was like, "Oh, I wonder what my life would have been like if I was raised by him and not my dad." Um, and then he left and I guess I was like, I wanted to meet the kids or just like see him. I didn't want him to be my dad, cause he didn't raise me.

• 25:05Matt McCusker?

  Yeah.

• 25:05Speaker 02

  And then his wife wrote me like, an eight-page letter to stay away from her family.

• 25:10Matt McCusker?

  Whoa.

• 25:11Speaker 02

  Yeah, it was very creepy. She was-

• 25:13Matt McCusker?

  He's probably talking about how beautiful you are. He's like, "There you go."

• 25:14Speaker 02

  I don't know, it was just, it was just, well, he, so he married her. She had two, uh, kids from a previous marriage. And that girl who's like 50 now is jealous of me my whole life, cause I'm biologically his daughter.

• 25:25Matt McCusker?

  Ah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 25:27Speaker 02

  But you're 50.

• 25:28Matt McCusker?

  Yeah.

• 25:29Speaker 02

  Let it go. So his wife was like, "Leave my Joey alone." I was very like Amy Jo Buttafuoco. So weird. She wrote me this letter. She was like, "You know, you're an attractive woman. Why don't you get a boyfriend?" It's like, "I don't wanna fuck your husband."

• 25:41Matt McCusker?

  I'm not gonna, yeah, what the fuck?

• 25:42Speaker 02

  But I bet I could.

• 25:44Matt McCusker?

  You think you could take him down?

• 25:45Speaker 02

  I think I could wear him down.

• 25:48Speaker 02

  I'll fucking show you. Don't make me, if I with my head and done anything, I could do it. So, don't make me do it.

• 25:53Matt McCusker?

  Damn, and then she would-

• 25:54Speaker 02

  I'll ruin your whole fucking family.

• 25:55Matt McCusker?

  Then as your stepmom, she would ground you for fucking your dad.

• 25:58Speaker 02

  I've never even met her.

• 25:59Matt McCusker?

  Really?

• 26:00Speaker 02

  I've never met-

• 26:00Matt McCusker?

  So she just sent you a fucking-

• 26:01Speaker 02

  She just sent me like a seven page, seven or eight page letter handwritten.

• 26:05Matt McCusker?

  So you only know her through like-

• 26:06Speaker 02

  I only know her through that and pictures on like, social media.

• 26:09Matt McCusker?

  Okay, yeah, yeah, yeah. That's fucked, man.

• 26:11Speaker 02

  And the second time I met him, he was like, so nervous. He was like, like he was cheating on his wife. He's like, I hope she doesn't change the locks, nobody knows I'm here. I'm like, dude, I don't need to like, hang out with you.

• 26:21Matt McCusker?

  What a freaky family.

• 26:22Speaker 02

  It's so weird.

• 26:24Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, that's crazy.

• 26:25Speaker 02

  It's very crazy.

• 26:26Matt McCusker?

  So, and it-

• 26:27Speaker 02

  I haven't talked to him since.

• 26:28Matt McCusker?

  No contact after that?

• 26:29Speaker 02

  No.

• 26:30Matt McCusker?

  After the le- so you respected the letter, or you're just like, I don't want anything to do with that?

• 26:33Speaker 02

  I mean, I think I said something to him, that was probably like, not that nice, but I was like, I don't, I don't need to be in these people's lives, you know what I mean?

• 26:40Matt McCusker?

  For sure, yeah, yeah. Yeah. Especially if it's like, that's the dynamic. It's like, nah, I'm good on this.

• 26:46Speaker 02

  You're fifty and you're jealous of me, it's like, I know, it's like leaving my show, you're giving me so much power your whole life.

• 26:51Matt McCusker?

  Yeah.

• 26:52Speaker 02

  What a crazy person.

• 26:53Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, that is crazy. Although you can antagonize, I will say, you know, with strange families, one thing, you can't antagonize the commenters. They will come, they will come for you. If you antagonize them, they will absolutely-

• 27:04Speaker 02

  Come, I don't care.

• 27:05Matt McCusker?

  Oh. I fe- I fear them, dude, I'm so scared of them.

• 27:09Speaker 02

  Why?

• 27:10Matt McCusker?

  I don't know, dude, I just like-

• 27:11Speaker 02

  What do you think they're gonna do, like ruin Christmas?

• 27:13Matt McCusker?

  They could.

• 27:14Speaker 02

  Who cares?

• 27:14Matt McCusker?

  I could be on my phone all day, like, shut up kids, I'm reading my comments, no.

• 27:18Speaker 02

  Just turn them all off. You have your own family, you don't need them anymore.

• 27:21Matt McCusker?

  That's true. That is true.

• 27:22Speaker 02

  You've created your own family, so you-

• 27:24Matt McCusker?

  I'm, you know what I'm, you know what I'm so scared of? It's like, and I'm not, you know, I'm not genuinely afraid of it, I'm kind of more, let's, how do I say? I'm still like, in shock of, um, that whole thing that happened with Brendan Schaub.

• 27:39Speaker 02

  What, what exactly?

• 27:40Matt McCusker?

  They, dude, it was a fucking, they formed a Reddit of like, ninety-seven thousand people. Literally, it was ninety-seven thousand people strong who dedicated hours of their life to just like, and you don't have to read it, of course. But it's like, knowing that's out there, just every day.

• 27:53Speaker 02

  But I feel like he bought that on himself. You think your family's gonna do that?

• 27:56Matt McCusker?

  No, no, my family, dude, if my family started a diss subreddit on me, dude, that would be it. I'd be like, fuck you guys, dude, I'd be sending seven page letters to every single one of them.

• 28:05Speaker 02

  I thought you were scared of your family, dude.

• 28:07Matt McCusker?

  I mean, I am scared of my daughters growing up and eventually hating me, but that's a whole, that's a different thing.

• 28:10Speaker 02

  They'll hate you regardless.

• 28:11Matt McCusker?

  You think so?

• 28:12Speaker 02

  And then they'll love you. It's like that weird dynamic where like, it's just chaotic for a bit, and then you love your, your family.

• 28:17Matt McCusker?

  I know, I, I kinda was like that, too.

• 28:19Speaker 02

  They're not gonna really hate you, it's just gonna be like, teenage angst, I think.

• 28:22Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, like, get the fuck away, dad.

• 28:24Speaker 02

  Also, like, just have them like you more than your wife, so then like, she's the person.

• 28:28Matt McCusker?

  I got that unlocked, yeah. I got that fucking unlocked. I can, I'm already ready. I'm so ready to turn them all against each other.

• 28:34Speaker 02

  That's amazing.

• 28:35Matt McCusker?

  I'm gonna leave first.

• 28:36Speaker 02

  Me, my mother and sister, all of us, like, we never three can get along. It's always two against one.

• 28:41Matt McCusker?

  Is it really?

• 28:41Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 28:42Matt McCusker?

  Damn. So you're forging the flames.

• 28:45Speaker 02

  I mean, that's how I grew up. We're all just chaotic and arguing and not great.

• 28:49Matt McCusker?

  Yeah. This is what it is.

• 28:51Speaker 02

  My sister doesn't even know I have a special out, and when she sees it, she's gonna be mad.

• 28:55Matt McCusker?

  You think so?

• 28:56Speaker 02

  Yeah, I'm talking about her.

• 28:57Matt McCusker?

  Oh, really?

• 28:58Speaker 02

  And personal stuff that she definitely would not want out there.

• 29:03Speaker 02

  I don't even know if I should say this, but like, whatever. Um, yeah, she's not gonna be thrilled.

• 29:06Matt McCusker?

  She won't be happy with it?

• 29:07Speaker 02

  No. None of it's a lie. Everyone's like, when you say that, though, that's bad.

• 29:11Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, that is bad. That's the way you should be like, I'm making it all up.

• 29:14Speaker 02

  It's not a lie.

• 29:16Matt McCusker?

  Really?

• 29:16Speaker 02

  It's all real.

• 29:17Matt McCusker?

  Eh, I mean, look, people, look, people move on, though. She'll, she'll heal, I'm sure, from it.

• 29:21Speaker 02

  We're not really that close, anyway. I'm okay with it.

• 29:25Matt McCusker?

  So she's just, you're, you're gonna get a, damn, so you're gearing up for a fucking nasty message?

• 29:30Speaker 02

  I'll just block her.

• 29:31Matt McCusker?

  There you go.

• 29:32Speaker 02

  Like my biological father.

• 29:33Matt McCusker?

  There you go.

• 29:35Speaker 02

  I'll just block everyone.

• 29:36Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, that's nice.

• 29:37Speaker 02

  That's the best, when you just block someone, they have no idea.

• 29:40Matt McCusker?

  That is nice. Yeah, you can also mute, which, they, oh, block is a sat, you're giving people satisfaction. If you block them, they go.

• 29:46Speaker 02

  But they don't know, because they have regular, my sister has not a, she doesn't have an iPhone, so she won't know.

• 29:51Matt McCusker?

  Oh, oh, you're talking about on the car. I thought you meant social media.

• 29:53Speaker 02

  Oh, social media. You could restrict. Restrict is great.

• 29:55Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, because then people don't know.

• 29:57Speaker 02

  They don't know.

• 29:58Matt McCusker?

  If you block, they go, this pussy fucking blocked me. I'm too much.

• 30:01Speaker 02

  I'll block guys that I just don't want to hear from, because I'm like, I just want to be over this, you know? But like, yeah, those people, I'll just let you say whatever you want to the ether. I'll just restrict you.

• 30:09Matt McCusker?

  It's kind of dastardly, though, to like, send somebody just still just chirping into just nothing.

• 30:14Speaker 02

  And they have no idea.

• 30:14Matt McCusker?

  I know. It's kind of cowardly. I should, yeah.

• 30:17Speaker 02

  No, no, let him do it. Who cares?

• 30:18Matt McCusker?

  I, I do, uh, yeah, I really don't care. The commenting stuff, I, I don't care. I, I have caught myself. It's, it's been a bit of a process, but like, I would have like, my kids in the bath, which you should be paying attention to.

• 30:29Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 30:29Matt McCusker?

  And I'd be like, let me just check my email real quick. I got an eye on them. And then I'm like, I started going into comment stuff, and I had to like, catch myself, like, my heart rate racing, and like.

• 30:37Speaker 02

  Oh, yeah.

• 30:38Matt McCusker?

  And I'd literally see my kids would just be like, looking at me from the tub, like. The fuck are you doing? Like, where are you?

• 30:44Speaker 02

  Dad's gotten a bad comment.

• 30:47Speaker 02

  We better swim out here, otherwise we're drowning.

• 30:50Matt McCusker?

  Someone told dad he ruins the podcast. I was like, fuck. Yeah, for real. And that was like a wake up call for me to be like, oh, this is real life. This is like

• 30:57Speaker 02

  That's like

• 30:57Matt McCusker?

  A thing.

• 30:58Speaker 02

  Right. It exists only on the internet.

• 31:00Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, that was a big, that was a big, uh...

• 31:02Speaker 02

  Yeah, but you have to get used to it. I remember like in the old days, even on like Facebook, I would get like write a whole thing out and I'm like, do I want to waste the whole day doing this?

• 31:09Matt McCusker?

  And then dude, that was the-

• 31:10Speaker 02

  And I'll just erase it. I'm like, it's not worth it.

• 31:12Matt McCusker?

  No, because then you think about it all day and then you check the comment to see like, how many likes did it get? It was this the one that took me to the top and it never is and you go, fuck.

• 31:21Speaker 02

  Nope.

• 31:21Matt McCusker?

  Do you still use Facebook?

• 31:23Speaker 02

  I do sometimes. It's mostly like friends on there, I think.

• 31:26Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 31:28Speaker 02

  So yeah, it's not like for fans, I guess.

• 31:30Matt McCusker?

  For sure.

• 31:30Speaker 02

  Yeah, mostly Instagram.

• 31:31Matt McCusker?

  Not professional. Someone was like telling me to use Facebook professionally and I was like, I haven't, I have a Facebook account, obviously. I haven't, I deleted one a long time ago that I like revamped it. It's just 2.0, that's my 2.0 face. And, uh-

• 31:43Speaker 02

  They tend to use that for-

• 31:45Matt McCusker?

  There's people like, you'd be surprised, some markets are better in Facebook for shows and I was like-

• 31:50Speaker 02

  I mean, I know people do like Facebook posts for, to sell tickets. They do ads and that works. So I think that's something that is definitely- I don't know if it's good to use it for like managers and stuff.

• 31:59Matt McCusker?

  I thought you were saying for my personal account, like, yo, guys.

• 32:01Speaker 02

  No, I think it's if you have like a business account, like for your fans, I think you can-

• 32:05Matt McCusker?

  There you go.

• 32:06Speaker 02

  Put ads on there and that's, I think, helpful.

• 32:08Matt McCusker?

  I didn't know people still used it, man. I-

• 32:09Speaker 02

  They do. My friend uses it. She says she gets a lot off of it. I think it depends where your fans are. I don't, I don't know anything about that.

• 32:15Matt McCusker?

  Because I, I used, um, I was off, when I, I was off it for a while. When I came back, it felt like weird. I was like, because I used to be on it every day, like living and dying by like, this is such a great status. And I'd write it and be like, this is good, this is the one that people are gonna be like, holy shit. This guy's on another level. And it's just like 12 likes, someone, one guy from high school being like, shut up pussy. And you're like, fuck. But I like, when I got off it for a while, I came back to see everyone still like doing that as part of their day. And it was kind of like unsettling. I was like, damn dude, you guys are still here?

• 32:43Speaker 02

  They're all still there.

• 32:44Matt McCusker?

  Leaving a hometown, like leaving an old town and going back like, damn.

• 32:47Speaker 02

  And like the guy that you liked, used to work at the movie theater, still works at the movie theater. It's kind of out there.

• 32:52Matt McCusker?

  That's how it felt when I came back. I was like, damn.

• 32:54Speaker 02

  You need to move from where you live because I've had that. I live in the same area my whole life. And like, you'll see a guy you had a crush on when he was like 18 or 22 and now he's like fallen off.

• 33:03Matt McCusker?

  Yeah.

• 33:04Speaker 02

  It's become sad.

• 33:05Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, it is sad. It is. Uh, my, my wife always made fun of me because I would never leave the Philadelphia area. And like, we, we came here and she's like, I'm so proud of you for leaving.

• 33:13Speaker 02

  How'd you guys meet? Because she's from Chicago, right?

• 33:15Matt McCusker?

  Tinder.

• 33:15Speaker 02

  Was she, were you there?

• 33:17Matt McCusker?

  No, she was, she was in Philly for school.

• 33:19Speaker 02

  Okay.

• 33:20Matt McCusker?

  And we met on Tinder and I was recently divorced, so.

• 33:22Speaker 02

  Oh, I didn't know you were married before her.

• 33:23Matt McCusker?

  Oh, yeah. I got married, uh, I don't know why I said, oh, yeah, that's kind of weird, but like, oh, yeah.

• 33:28Speaker 02

  Well, I mean, I was also like, I was also in disbelief. So it makes sense where you'd be like, oh, yeah.

• 33:33Matt McCusker?

  Oh, yeah. Me and divorce, I was definitely divorced. Um, actually funny, I had someone reach out like, uh, between, I, I did a show before this and a guy hit me up like, yo, I'm so sorry to hear about your divorce. But I was talking about on a podcast. I'm like, dude, that's from like.

• 33:46Speaker 02

  Oh, do you, did he think it was a recent one?

• 33:48Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, I was like, dude, that's from like 12 years ago, but yeah, thank you for your, thank you for your.

• 33:52Speaker 02

  Did you have kids with that woman? No, okay, that's good.

• 33:54Matt McCusker?

  It was, yeah, chill. Um, it was very, very chill divorce. I, um.

• 33:59Speaker 02

  Chill divorce seems like the best.

• 34:01Matt McCusker?

  It wasn't that chill, honestly.

• 34:02Speaker 02

  It wasn't that chill.

• 34:02Matt McCusker?

  I mean, it wasn't that chill.

• 34:04Speaker 02

  Oh, yeah.

• 34:06Speaker 02

  Oh, yeah, it was not chill.

• 34:07Matt McCusker?

  It was, it was a big wake up call for me, man. That was a big like, you know, moment I realized other people weren't like two dimensional characters for my personal enjoyment in the world and, uh, yeah.

• 34:16Speaker 02

  So it was mostly your fault.

• 34:17Matt McCusker?

  I would say like, yeah, about, I would say 97%, but the.

• 34:22Speaker 02

  I mean, at least you could say that now. I think some people never take accountability, which is hard.

• 34:25Matt McCusker?

  It was a big, I was a big, um, you know, I was like barely a sentient creature before, before like 30 something. So that was like a very painful process of being like, oh, this is all a real thing. This is not.

• 34:36Speaker 02

  That's like an accomplishment to actually grow up and like take accountability and like work on yourself. I don't think people realize how hard that is.

• 34:43Matt McCusker?

  It's the worst thing in the world.

• 34:44Speaker 02

  It's terrible.

• 34:45Matt McCusker?

  It sucks being like, I, I do it with my wife all the time where we'll be arguing about something and I'll say a thing and in my head, I'm like, that's not really true. And I'll be like.

• 34:53Speaker 02

  But also you're like, that was a great line.

• 34:54Matt McCusker?

  That was a good line and I'm, I've just gained upper, I've just gained an upper hand in this. So let me just win this argument and then I'll work on like being truthful and honest. But I was like, it is, it is, it sucks when you have to be like, like she recently told me something I did that bothered her and I was so dug in like, fucking bullshit, I was right. And she explained it in a way where I was like.

• 35:11Speaker 02

  At least you could hear that though.

• 35:13Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, it hurts though. It's good because I had to be like.

• 35:16Speaker 02

  It hurts to hurt someone that you care about.

• 35:17Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, or just realize you weren't right. That's kind of what I'm talking about.

• 35:20Speaker 02

  Right.

• 35:20Matt McCusker?

  To realize you weren't right and be like, yeah, I didn't have the moral upper hand that I thought I did. And I actually was being a gigantic piece of shit. And you're like, fuck, thought I was right about that.

• 35:29Speaker 02

  Sometimes you lose, you know?

• 35:30Matt McCusker?

  True.

• 35:30Speaker 02

  I remember going to therapy and telling my therapist, I had this great line I was gonna say to like my ex-boyfriend at the time and he was, and I was like, I'm waiting until it's like over, over to say this.

• 35:39Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, what was the line?

• 35:41Speaker 02

  The line was, I shouldn't have to stay because everyone else left, which I think is a great fucking fuck you.

• 35:45Matt McCusker?

  That's a good line, especially saying that and then leaving basically.

• 35:48Speaker 02

  Right. And he was like, that's not like great that you have that planned. I was like, nobody, it's like such a good fuck you.

• 35:55Matt McCusker?

  Pretty much is, yeah.

• 35:56Speaker 02

  But I was like, I just held on to that. I thought, I was so proud of it.

• 36:00Matt McCusker?

  It is good. It's almost like pretty cinematic, honestly.

• 36:02Speaker 02

  I know. It's like, then the curtains close, the credits come off. But he was like, yeah, you shouldn't be aiming to do that.

• 36:08Matt McCusker?

  Aiming to hurt people.

• 36:10Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 36:10Matt McCusker?

  Cut them, yeah, find their like childhood traumas and just cut them down with it.

• 36:14Speaker 02

  God, yeah. Everyone I date is so awful. They're just like, it's, yeah, it's just like, you know, everyone who's emotionally closed off and alcoholic, PTSD, there's some type of like first responder, they're fucking veterans. It's just like.

• 36:28Matt McCusker?

  So when did you start putting, putting together like your pattern of like, this is the person I'm attracting to, attract, getting attracted to?

• 36:34Speaker 02

  I think I've just seen that what I'm doing and I'm like, oh, this is actually like a pattern.

• 36:38Matt McCusker?

  Yeah.

• 36:38Speaker 02

  And then, you know, I'll date guys who are like gonna kill themselves, they never kill themselves, I just stay in it longer. So I think I'm just gonna be single.

• 36:45Matt McCusker?

  Yeah.

• 36:45Speaker 02

  I'm picking the worst people.

• 36:46Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, that's, yeah, the suicide threats can be tough.

• 36:49Speaker 02

  And it's like what they all do, or what, what the guys I am attracting do. And then they never do it.

• 36:55Matt McCusker?

  Romantic types, the romantic types.

• 36:56Speaker 02

  Very romantic.

• 36:57Matt McCusker?

  They're like, I'm gonna fucking kill myself.

• 36:59Speaker 02

  I'm like, well, let me see, let me see what you're doing. One time my boyfriend, my ex-boyfriend had said that and I went home and like, he wasn't even really trying. He had like Roach Killer, that thing that's like a syringe and it was just on the bed. It wasn't even like used at all.

• 37:12Matt McCusker?

  I'm gonna eat Roach Killer, he's gonna harm his reproductive capacities.

• 37:14Speaker 02

  I know, but it was like such a thing where I was like, I had to cancel shows to come here.

• 37:18Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, this is bullshit.

• 37:19Speaker 02

  This is very serious.

• 37:20Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 37:21Speaker 02

  You didn't try even a little bit.

• 37:22Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, that's embarrassing, actually.

• 37:24Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 37:25Matt McCusker?

  And he's like, alright, well fucking now I'm gonna do it.

• 37:27Speaker 02

  But he still, yeah, he still didn't do it.

• 37:29Matt McCusker?

  That's such a wild move, man, to just be like...

• 37:31Speaker 02

  I'm gonna kill myself?

• 37:32Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, I mean, it's effective, obviously.

• 37:33Speaker 02

  It's a good tactic.

• 37:34Matt McCusker?

  Effective, yeah.

• 37:34Speaker 02

  It's a good tactic.

• 37:35Matt McCusker?

  Then it's like, you gotta live with this. You, all you had to do was spend one afternoon, and I'd still be here. But you do get to the point where you're like, fucking do it.

• 37:43Speaker 02

  At some point, I don't care.

• 37:44Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, like, do it, yeah.

• 37:45Speaker 02

  You're like, okay, do it, I can't deal with this anymore.

• 37:47Matt McCusker?

  Yeah. There was that lady who almost went to jail for coaching the kid into killing himself.

• 37:51Speaker 02

  That's different, I wouldn't do that.

• 37:52Matt McCusker?

  You wouldn't coach, you would just be like...

• 37:53Speaker 02

  I wouldn't coach.

• 37:54Matt McCusker?

  I'm disappointed.

• 37:55Speaker 02

  I would sit by the sidelines.

• 37:56Matt McCusker?

  Yeah.

• 37:56Speaker 02

  And just wait. No coaching, just, mm.

• 38:00Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, suicide's...

• 38:00Speaker 02

  They never kill themselves, they never do. If you're in a relationship like that, just leave, they're not gonna kill themselves.

• 38:05Matt McCusker?

  They're not gonna do it, yeah.

• 38:06Speaker 02

  And if they do, they really wanted to do it. You should be happy for them.

• 38:09Matt McCusker?

  True, and then you can go like, guy was actually a winner, I thought he was just a fucking pretender the whole time, the guy was the real deal.

• 38:14Speaker 02

  And I actually got him to do what he wanted to do. So like, I am partly like, a hero.

• 38:19Matt McCusker?

  I would say, yeah.

• 38:20Speaker 02

  I'm doing the Lord's work.

• 38:21Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, suicide's one of those things, it's like, I, I think it's still going up right now.

• 38:25Speaker 02

  Is it?

• 38:26Matt McCusker?

  Yeah.

• 38:26Speaker 02

  I mean, I would assume that, I feel like, everything in this country is like just harder, people can't pay for shit, you know what I mean? It's just like, suicide to me is always like the first thing I go to.

• 38:36Matt McCusker?

  What you're thinking about?

• 38:37Speaker 02

  When I want to add to something.

• 38:37Matt McCusker?

  Yeah.

• 38:38Speaker 02

  Like even a job, I'm like, I'm gonna kill myself, so I don't have to go to this job.

• 38:41Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, I, I'm too, I'm too curious, I, I sometimes do get overwhelmed by life where I'm like, it's just so much. And I'm like, you know, it's, I get the thought of thinking I'm gonna kill myself, but I'm just...

• 38:51Speaker 02

  It's a fun little, like, it would just be nice to even not kill yourself, but it's like, if you could put yourself into a coma for a little bit.

• 38:58Matt McCusker?

  Just like a week?

• 38:58Speaker 02

  Like a six week, no, I'd say like six months.

• 39:00Matt McCusker?

  Six, you want...

• 39:01Speaker 02

  Six months, let me, let me just have some restart time.

• 39:04Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, true, true.

• 39:05Speaker 02

  That's like, it is nice, you should be able to do that.

• 39:08Matt McCusker?

  That would be nice to go into a medical coma and have like a doctor restrict your calories, use like, you know, the, uh...

• 39:13Speaker 02

  If you could lose weight, save money on your rent, like, it could be great.

• 39:16Matt McCusker?

  Exactly. Yeah, you're saying like your medical insurance basically covers your rent for a year. You're saving up money.

• 39:21Speaker 02

  You don't even need rent for a year.

• 39:22Matt McCusker?

  People are still.

• 39:23Speaker 02

  You're not gonna even be there. Move your shit into a fucking storage unit.

• 39:25Matt McCusker?

  Patreon, there's still some dumbasses that left their credit card on there. You come out, you got like 10 Gs in the bank.

• 39:30Speaker 02

  It's funny, cause I do, I do that as a joke and people are just like horrified. I'm like, but you never just thought of going into a coma for a little bit? Like maybe not six months, but like a month? Like the pandemic was nice for a little bit.

• 39:41Matt McCusker?

  For sure.

• 39:42Speaker 02

  Couple of months? You just, you're not going, you're not like fighting traffic every day? You know what I mean? You're just not going to a job you hate.

• 39:49Matt McCusker?

  Especially if you could still dream, that would be nice. If you could like somehow have them like, you know.

• 39:53Speaker 02

  I don't even wanna dream.

• 39:55Matt McCusker?

  You don't, you wanna go deep?

• 39:56Speaker 02

  I don't, cause who knows what I'm gonna dream of?

• 39:58Matt McCusker?

  You're not gonna enjoy it, that's true.

• 39:59Speaker 02

  I just wanna time out.

• 40:01Matt McCusker?

  Yeah.

• 40:02Speaker 02

  I want no dreams, I just keep me alive and nothing. And like, you know, I guess you have to have people work your limbs so they don't.

• 40:07Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, that's true, yeah.

• 40:09Speaker 02

  Or like turn you over or whatever.

• 40:10Matt McCusker?

  They'd have to put you on like a rotisserie machine and just kind of like rotate your body. Yeah, it'd be kinda nice. Yeah, I, I don't, uh... But the problem is it would go by like that. It'd be like when you get surgery, you would, they would put you out and you'd just go, huh! And you'd come up right away. That's why you need the dreamscape.

• 40:24Speaker 02

  You do need the dreams, okay.

• 40:25Matt McCusker?

  Or they have, have them like wake you up out of it.

• 40:27Speaker 02

  You're convincing me.

• 40:28Matt McCusker?

  Wake you up, the dreams would be nice or wake you up out of it. Like, every two days, like you just did two days, like, wait, what happened?

• 40:33Speaker 02

  Just keep putting you back out.

• 40:35Matt McCusker?

  They give you a quick like rundown, like dude, uh, Trump dis-elected, three guys are gonna go, okay, cool. And they put you back out.

• 40:39Speaker 02

  They put you back out. And then depending on what they tell you, you decide how long you wanna be out for.

• 40:45Matt McCusker?

  That's not a bad point.

• 40:45Speaker 02

  You're like, your ex-boyfriend is remarried, I'll go out for six months.

• 40:48Matt McCusker?

  I'll go out. So what's the, what's the single phase gonna be like? That's...

• 40:53Speaker 02

  I don't know, I'm not sure. I think I might, I always say I'm gonna just be single and I always end up dating somebody.

• 40:57Matt McCusker?

  Panic and you get lonely, yeah.

• 40:59Speaker 02

  Or it's just so easy, people like from your past just keep coming back, cause they're so shitty that no one wants them. So they're just a rolodex of garbage constantly.

• 41:09Speaker 02

  They're just coming back nonstop.

• 41:11Matt McCusker?

  That was my pattern. Well, not that specifically, but I'd be in a relationship and like, and I do think like when you live with a woman specifically, like they do make you better. Like you're like, you're kind of more organized, you're dressing better. So then I'd get to that point. I'm like, dude, if I was single, I'd get so much pussy.

• 41:26Speaker 02

  Right. Because I'm a better version of myself.

• 41:28Matt McCusker?

  I'm a better version of myself. And then I would get out of the relationship and then just devolve and be like, oh, and I always remember like, oh yeah, I'm like an anxious loser. And then I would like just become, I'd be like, I'm gonna work on myself and whatever. And I would just like slowly panic because I was so lonely and just slam the button again and just get right back into the thing.

• 41:46Speaker 02

  What you gotta do is be in a relationship while you're getting better and then also cheat. That's how you get the best of both worlds. I'm not, I'm not, not a fan of cheating.

• 41:54Matt McCusker?

  You're absolutely right.

• 41:55Speaker 02

  Yeah. It's like, I don't know. If you could cheat and get through it, it's like, it kind of could make you better.

• 42:00Matt McCusker?

  Are you saying get away with it and then like recommit and double down or just jump ship?

• 42:03Speaker 02

  No, no, no. Like have, have them find out. See how, if you guys can work through it. Like, nobody really works through anything anymore.

• 42:10Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, I know.

• 42:10Speaker 02

  Like back in the day, there was like a genocide or a potato famine. Like that's hard and you guys gotta work through it. And it's like, can you and your wife work through her sleeping with a dude?

• 42:20Matt McCusker?

  No, I think the other way around is way more tolerable, honestly.

• 42:25Speaker 02

  I mean, you guys, you would never made it through the potato famine. I gotta be honest with that attitude. You're gonna, your whole family's gonna starve.

• 42:29Matt McCusker?

  I wonder, well, I wonder about that because I'm always kind of like.

• 42:32Speaker 02

  Would you prefer an emotional cheating or a physical cheating?

• 42:36Matt McCusker?

  Emotional.

• 42:37Speaker 02

  Really? But that's so much more intricate. You spend so much more time talking to somebody and getting to know them. There's like feelings, like.

• 42:44Matt McCusker?

  That's what girls do with all their friends. So it's like, yeah, I'm not gonna be like, it's bullshit.

• 42:47Speaker 02

  But you're not jealous of her friends. You're jealous of this guy that she just fucks.

• 42:51Matt McCusker?

  If she thought another guy was funny, I'd be, I would be pissed about that. If she's like, he's so funny.

• 42:54Speaker 02

  So even if she doesn't have sex with him, she just thinks he's hilarious. She's like sneakily watching Brendan Schaub videos.

• 43:01Matt McCusker?

  And he fought, you know, I mean, obviously he's gonna take her down. Um, I would be, no, sex would bother me the most.

• 43:08Speaker 02

  Yeah, that's what I was.

• 43:09Matt McCusker?

  For sure. Sex would bother me the most, but like if she was like, if she was like confiding in somebody and telling them like secrets and shit. Stuff about me, I'd be furious.

• 43:16Speaker 02

  I hate the way he fucks me.

• 43:22Speaker 02

  And I also think Brendan Schaub's funnier than him. That would be so brutal.

• 43:25Matt McCusker?

  That would be tough, but there is also part of me that wants to discover like a huge cache of just like dastardly texts where it's like, he fuck, I fake it every time. I can't wait and just read it.

• 43:36Speaker 02

  Just to make yourself feel bad?

• 43:37Matt McCusker?

  And just see, yeah, and just be like, motherfucker. That would, there is part of me like, would like to stumble upon that.

• 43:41Speaker 02

  There's something to hurting your own feelings. Like, I'll go-

• 43:44Matt McCusker?

  That's why you read the comments. That's why I read the comments.

• 43:46Speaker 02

  Yeah, I mean, I go on Reddit. I Googled myself on Reddit and I was like, that was not great.

• 43:52Matt McCusker?

  And it never stops. It doesn't matter.

• 43:54Speaker 02

  It never stops and it's always like, this person sucks. I got five minutes into their special and you're like, you didn't even get to any of the good stuff.

• 44:02Matt McCusker?

  Dude, first five minutes of just settling in. I was pretty, I was kind of like, um, I had like, I got to be kind of detached a little bit. Cause like, you know, like Shane was doing more of the standup. He was really in the spotlight. And in my head, I was like, I'm just like, kind of like a cool guy. I don't even care about this stuff. And then I put out a special on YouTube. And the comments on podcasts, I was like, whatever. When it was my special, I would read the negative comments and I was like, breathing heavy. I was like,

• 44:26Matt McCusker?

  that really fucked me up.

• 44:27Speaker 02

  That's the thing too. It's like, I know I'm not gonna be for everybody. So it's like, that is part of it.

• 44:32Matt McCusker?

  For sure. But I'm talking to the day. It was YouTube.

• 44:34Speaker 02

  One person was like, she was ugly with her other hair color and then she dyed it again. Now she's even uglier.

• 44:43Speaker 02

  That actually just made me laugh. Cause I'm like, it's actually the same color. Yeah, you're even uglier.

• 44:50Matt McCusker?

  That's fucked up. It's also fucked up when someone like studies you for six months and then slams you. It's like, dude, you've done way too, this was too much research.

• 44:56Speaker 02

  Right. They, they've spent a lot of time though.

• 44:58Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, you know, that, that is, that is really funny. It is, every now and again, you will get one that's so oddly specific, you laugh. You're just kind of like, what the fuck?

• 45:04Speaker 02

  That just makes you laugh. Some of it is just like, I remember when somebody said something mean to Sarah Silverman and she replied something like, I could tell you're just hurting and then like she talked to this guy and then like he was just hurting and like she got like there paid for him to get therapy. I mean, I'm not gonna do that. I want you to be very unhealthy.

• 45:20Matt McCusker?

  Yeah.

• 45:20Speaker 02

  But like she did that. It's like most of these people are just hurt themselves.

• 45:24Matt McCusker?

  Damn. And then they had sex, maybe?

• 45:25Speaker 02

  I don't know. Like maybe. I have no idea what they're thinking. It was like maybe someone died in their family. I don't know.

• 45:30Matt McCusker?

  That happens. I've tried to go that route, but I've done that passive aggressively. We're like, yeah, you must be hurting. In my head, I'm like, fuck you. Fuck you, dude. Go get the help you seek. No, I, I, I do feel that way too, genuinely.

• 45:41Speaker 02

  I think responding to comments is the worst. I must have not responding to any.

• 45:45Matt McCusker?

  Don't do it. But I, I do, there, I do genuinely, it's, and this is like the dilemma. This is, I would say the Schabian dilemma where it's like, if someone's attacking you online, he doubled down, was like, pointed the finger back and he's like, you're actually a loser. And it's like, that's the worst fucking thing. And it's, it's like, it takes two to tango. So it's like, you know.

• 46:04Speaker 02

  Somebody says that, you have to be like, I am a loser.

• 46:05Matt McCusker?

  I am a loser. I'm a fucking pathetic worm. I'm thankful you acknowledge that and you get to continue selling Liquid Death and you know, making money and that's the job.

• 46:13Speaker 02

  I wanna sell Liquid Death.

• 46:14Matt McCusker?

  That's the job. You have to be like, yes, I'm a pathetic worm. More politicians should do that. You're right. I'm a disgusting pathetic worm. I'm a pervert and I just wanna just continue representing you guys.

• 46:23Speaker 02

  Somebody told me, um, that somebody brought up to Trump, like, somebody said this bad thing about you. And he was like, well, good luck to them. And I'm like, what a great response. And also you're like, good luck to them.

• 46:33Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, true. Good luck to them.

• 46:35Speaker 02

  Sure. What else can you do?

• 46:36Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, true. Good luck to them.

• 46:38Speaker 02

  Like, there's no way to really hurt you when you act like you're not hurt. You're like, yeah, good luck to them.

• 46:41Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, that's true. But then it's like, do you want, well, yeah, that, that's absolutely true. But then the fear is like, am I gonna become detached from reality? Then one day just my, my decline will be, you know, precipitous and.

• 46:52Speaker 02

  I think you'll probably just shoot up a mall. So I don't, I don't think you're gonna, I think one day you just push everything down and you're like, ah, I'm going on a fucking killing spree.

• 47:01Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, just kill my whole family.

• 47:03Speaker 02

  You have, you have a whole family though. So that's, I think that will keep you in check a bit.

• 47:07Matt McCusker?

  I think so.

• 47:08Speaker 02

  I don't. I could really be rogue.

• 47:10Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, true.

• 47:11Speaker 02

  I have no one.

• 47:11Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, you can really just kinda go nuts.

• 47:13Speaker 02

  Which is fun.

• 47:14Matt McCusker?

  You're gonna travel? It is be, I, I, I actually like being alone a lot. Like I love having, having a family for real. I love.

• 47:20Speaker 02

  But it's great. You have the best of both worlds. You're with your family and then you get to escape.

• 47:23Matt McCusker?

  True. I get to go do stand up.

• 47:25Speaker 02

  And then your wife's with these kids the whole time.

• 47:27Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, I know. And I feel guilty, but.

• 47:29Speaker 02

  Do you?

• 47:31Matt McCusker?

  Less and less, but I-

• 47:34Matt McCusker?

  Quick announcement for Irvine, California, or really all of SoCal. You guys know I'm SoCal as hell. I've been SoCal. But yeah, I'll be at the Irvine Improv, 11/29. That's this upcoming weekend. Well, I guess next weekend, whatever. 11/29 and 11/30. And I've also added a show on, uh, 11/31 or 12/1. I'm not sure how many days are in November, but you get the point. Next Friday, next Saturday, next Sunday, I'll be in Irvine, California. And let me just say for the record, fuck LA, dude. It's all about Irvine. I'm sick of people from LA being like, "Oh, you're going to Irvine? Ugh, I'd never go there." Fuck you, dude. Shut up.

• 48:19Matt McCusker?

  Irvine's where all the reals are, not a bunch of pretenders out in LA. "I'm gonna be a famous actor." No, you're fucking not. Grow up and move to Irvine. I'll see you there. God bless you all.

• 48:46Speaker 04

  Pardon the interruption. This may or may not be Shawn Gardini speaking. And this may or may not be Shawn Gardini on camera. Who is speaking and who is on camera is not important. I've come to tell you that Shawn Gardini is doing stand-up comedy shows. The upcoming shows are in Cleveland, Ohio, December 8th, Buffalo, New York, December 10th, and Baltimore, Maryland, December 11th. Please come to those shows if you can. The tickets are at shawngardini.com. Thank you.

• 49:20Matt McCusker?

  Well, it's fucked up. As I try to explain this to her, I'm like, because she recently went away, and I was like, dude, this is like, fucking, my god, man. It's hard. Very hard. But I was, my part, my thing with her, I was like, yeah, but you're, I was just saying this to bother her, but I was like, but you're like naturally more disposed to being able to do, and she was just, "What the fuck are you talking about?" I'm like, this is like, what you're built for. She didn't like that at all.

• 49:41Speaker 02

  Being a woman or her specifically?

• 49:42Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, woman, yeah. I said that to her, just to bother. I knew I was just fucking with her, but...

• 49:46Speaker 02

  I mean, I could see where she gets her resentment.

• 49:49Matt McCusker?

  Why she can't.

• 49:50Speaker 02

  Why she's fucking this guy that fucks her better and she laughs at Shob's jokes. I mean, I get, I'm on her side, I gotta be honest.

• 49:57Matt McCusker?

  You gotta, but you have to pepper up. You gotta like constantly, I don't know. I do like fucking with her a lot. I'm just kidding, I don't, I don't, I'm genuinely coming down on her, but it is fun. Yeah, but it is fun to like do that and like be like, no, I'm dead serious and just kinda like get her gonna tizzy, like I'm just fucking with you.

• 50:12Speaker 02

  I gotta talk to her and tell her how to respond.

• 50:13Matt McCusker?

  Especially if I think it's a little bit true, especially if I think it's a little bit true though. If I'm like, eh. You know what I mean?

• 50:18Speaker 02

  Does she work like a full-time job? Oh, then yeah.

• 50:21Matt McCusker?

  Yeah.

• 50:22Speaker 02

  That's your job.

• 50:23Matt McCusker?

  That's your job.

• 50:23Speaker 02

  Taking care of these kids.

• 50:24Matt McCusker?

  I always tell her, my mom had six kids, man.

• 50:26Speaker 02

  I would rather have a day job than have to take care of my kids. I'd rather work with her. Yeah, I'd rather do that.

• 50:31Matt McCusker?

  No way, dude, you can do like viral Instagram mama videos. Like, hey mamas. That's what women started doing out of nowhere, calling each other mamas on the internet.

• 50:38Speaker 02

  Hey mamas.

• 50:39Matt McCusker?

  Hey mama.

• 50:40Speaker 02

  I guess, but then you still, you do that video and then after you still have to take care of these kids.

• 50:44Matt McCusker?

  True. That kinda sucks.

• 50:46Speaker 02

  Yeah. I would have like a babysitter all the time.

• 50:49Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, I bet.

• 50:50Speaker 02

  Then it's not that bad.

• 50:51Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, if you can get a permanent babysitter, you can get a no pair for like fucking...

• 50:54Speaker 02

  Ten dollars.

• 50:55Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, dude.

• 50:55Speaker 02

  Pretty cheap.

• 50:56Matt McCusker?

  Cheap. Fucking snaker papers and just be like, bro.

• 51:00Speaker 02

  I remember, snaker papers, does that mean like, uh...

• 51:02Matt McCusker?

  Pull the green card, you're not going fucking anywhere.

• 51:05Speaker 02

  Damn.

• 51:06Matt McCusker?

  I tell they, yeah, well, but you know, most people do that and sex traffic people, you'd be like, no, I just want you to take care of my kids and I'll give them back when you're done.

• 51:13Speaker 02

  And then you just have, you just like fuck them. And then they're also taking care of the kids. They're like, this is crazy, I'm doing two jobs and I'm getting paid for one.

• 51:23Speaker 02

  You're right, she's out shopping.

• 51:24Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, she's just shopping. I, that is kind of like a, um... It would be nice though to like get so rich that you could just become completely, like the whole family could become completely apathetic toward each other. And you can just like simultaneously like...

• 51:36Speaker 02

  Yeah, I mean, I would have loved if like my family would have like tried to buy my love.

• 51:41Matt McCusker?

  Yeah.

• 51:41Speaker 02

  Like throwing money at a situation, sounds like the nicest thing.

• 51:45Matt McCusker?

  Yeah.

• 51:46Speaker 02

  I would love that.

• 51:47Matt McCusker?

  People do get resentful about that, like, you just only bought me presents. It's like, dude, some people don't buy you shit.

• 51:52Speaker 02

  And some people don't buy you shit and they're not even there anyway.

• 51:55Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, true.

• 51:55Speaker 02

  You're getting nothing.

• 51:56Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, that's true.

• 51:59Matt McCusker?

  I don't know.

• 51:59Speaker 02

  I'd prefer just.

• 52:01Matt McCusker?

  Or maybe you do need, or maybe you do need love. I try to like, I am like, I almost over index. So I like bother my little kids. They're two and four and I'm like, I love you guys. And they're just like, dude, shut up. They don't even know what you're talking about.

• 52:13Speaker 02

  Do they speak yet?

• 52:14Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, they talk.

• 52:15Speaker 02

  Oh, the two year olds too?

• 52:16Matt McCusker?

  And the two year old talks too, yeah.

• 52:17Speaker 02

  Oh, wow. I didn't realize that they talk that young.

• 52:19Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, they know it's.

• 52:20Speaker 02

  Do you have kids? Three kids? The same lady? How old are they?

• 52:28Speaker 02

  Wow, that's a big gap. Start over.

• 52:30Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, that does.

• 52:31Speaker 02

  Is that like a mistake? Okay.

• 52:35Matt McCusker?

  Three.

• 52:36Speaker 02

  Three mistakes. Each time you were like, fuck.

• 52:40Matt McCusker?

  Yeah.

• 52:40Speaker 02

  Oh, yeah, then it's.

• 52:41Matt McCusker?

  I'm due, I'm due for a mistake. Although my, uh, I've been pretty good about not, like, no, you know, I would figure, I was like, I've always banked on having one child by mistake, but both the two were like intentional, planned, yeah.

• 52:54Speaker 02

  So you still have another mistake baby come in?

• 52:56Matt McCusker?

  That's right, that's kind of what I'm kind of saying.

• 52:58Speaker 02

  I want that for you.

• 52:59Matt McCusker?

  You do? I, I, I'd be excited.

• 53:00Speaker 02

  I think you, I think you're excited for it.

• 53:02Matt McCusker?

  I am.

• 53:03Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 53:03Matt McCusker?

  I always, uh, I always.

• 53:04Speaker 02

  I want your wife to get the boy.

• 53:06Matt McCusker?

  That's, she wants the boy. She wants the boy big time.

• 53:08Speaker 02

  And then she could love the boy, you could love the girls, and that's how you start your fucking army.

• 53:11Matt McCusker?

  That's how we start the fight, the battle. Either the girl, yeah, but the girls, they'd be older than the boy and I would just, they're trained to just use like relational aggression and just sigh off them.

• 53:19Speaker 02

  He's gonna be stronger than them at some point.

• 53:21Matt McCusker?

  Eventually, yeah.

• 53:22Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 53:22Matt McCusker?

  But, we'll put them in dresses and shit. We'll queer them, queer them up a little bit.

• 53:27Speaker 02

  And then your wife's gonna make the girls just dress like boys. You're really gonna fuck these kids up just for your own personal gain. I, I kinda love it.

• 53:35Matt McCusker?

  I should. I, I, it is a frill, like, it's a, sorry, my nose is, it's a serious concern, man. I, uh.

• 53:41Speaker 02

  Your kids being trans?

• 53:42Matt McCusker?

  Not that. I mean, I, I.

• 53:43Speaker 02

  They would only probably be trans for a little bit. It's kind of like a phase for most people, I think.

• 53:47Matt McCusker?

  I think so. I, I do, I do worry, I don't worry that much about that, but that would, that would kind of blow, if, if, if like one of my daughters had like a full on like, basically a better mustache than me, I'd be kind of like. I wouldn't like, I just, it's one of those things where I'm not like, you know, ideologically.

• 54:05Speaker 02

  I would say like, maybe don't do the drugs and stuff until they're like sure, sure.

• 54:10Matt McCusker?

  Yes, well that's, but then it's like.

• 54:11Speaker 02

  Try it on for a bit. Well, just dress like a boy and stuff.

• 54:14Matt McCusker?

  I feel like all girls dress like boys now though, it's kinda normal.

• 54:17Speaker 02

  I'd dress like a boy for most of my childhood, but like, I just think it's like, okay then like, let's see what else you wanna do.

• 54:23Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, don't take the drugs, don't take the testosterone.

• 54:25Speaker 02

  Don't take the testosterone until you're sure you want like a dick.

• 54:29Matt McCusker?

  Yeah. Have you seen the dicks by the way?

• 54:32Speaker 02

  I've looked them up, it's not like great.

• 54:35Speaker 02

  Just wear a strap on, it's like for your own, I've heard stories where people are like, so you still get that urge to come, but you can't now. I think that was a girl going to a boy or a boy going to a girl, I'm not sure which one it was, but they're like, you still got that urge and now you can't even come.

• 54:50Matt McCusker?

  Fuck, I didn't even think about that.

• 54:52Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 54:53Matt McCusker?

  So the, as, if you're, if you're a girl who became a guy, you, all the test is like, telling your body like, we gotta come now, but there's not the means.

• 55:01Speaker 02

  I guess so, I don't know.

• 55:02Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, I think it's like a little pump, you have like one of your balls is a pump that you can't pump it up.

• 55:08Matt McCusker?

  Maybe that's who my wife's cheating on me with.

• 55:10Speaker 02

  The pump guy? The pump trans?

• 55:12Matt McCusker?

  Nearly formed pump trans.

• 55:14Speaker 02

  Do you think your wife's cheating on you?

• 55:15Matt McCusker?

  No, I don't, I don't think, I mean, there's a thing you'll never know, as a guy, women are, guys I think get caught way easier and women could just, they could get away with it forever, there's no way.

• 55:25Speaker 02

  Especially you're on the road a lot, you know, you could both be cheating, it takes a lot of trust from both of you.

• 55:29Matt McCusker?

  True, I will say, I can say it with a straight face, I, it's like, I don't cheat.

• 55:34Speaker 02

  I don't think you do, and I, I do love that about you.

• 55:36Matt McCusker?

  Thank you, I appreciate that.

• 55:36Speaker 02

  Like that I think you do love your wife.

• 55:38Matt McCusker?

  I do.

• 55:38Speaker 02

  I do love that and I would hate to like have to ruin that, you guys.

• 55:42Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, no.

• 55:42Speaker 02

  You better be good.

• 55:43Matt McCusker?

  I am, I will be, I, it's, I think about it.

• 55:44Speaker 02

  But also if you start cheating on your wife, I'd be like, tell me all about this girl. I'd be like, I'm on your side actually, so, I'll switch sides very easily, I have very little allegiance, so.

• 55:54Matt McCusker?

  Well, it's, it is one of those things where it's like. It's understandable, like I always, I always judged, I would like hear about that. I'm like, what a fucking moron. Like, why you have family, why would you, and then as you get older, you're like, it's actually, it can happen, man.

• 56:09Speaker 02

  It's especially like if you're on the road, you're traveling. The problem with you is you're pretty well-known and it's so easy to probably get in touch with your wife and tell her.

• 56:17Matt McCusker?

  Social media, yeah.

• 56:18Speaker 02

  It is harder for you, I think.

• 56:20Matt McCusker?

  I think so, with the social media and all that stuff. And it's just one of those things where you, you just know.

• 56:24Speaker 02

  Is it worth it? It's like, it might blow up my whole family. Is this worth it?

• 56:27Matt McCusker?

  And it's just, I, I, it's like, you know, that moment, as soon as it's over.

• 56:31Speaker 02

  As soon as it's over, you just regret.

• 56:33Matt McCusker?

  Just a fucking, just an ocean of dread for the rest of my life. And that, that, that kinda keeps me.

• 56:39Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 56:40Matt McCusker?

  And it's just not, it's just, you know, you get to a point where it's like, I have nothing to offer, like a, a woman. It's like, I'm married, I have kids. I would only be a, I'd be taking from that person and then just like blowing up my own life.

• 56:54Speaker 02

  Yeah, it's really not worth it.

• 56:55Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, that's, that's what I tell myself. I just go, that's, and I'm not really the kind of like, romance cover, like, one-night stand. It's, it's just,

• 57:04Speaker 02

  It's not gonna be beautiful.

• 57:05Matt McCusker?

  No, exactly. It's not gonna be beautiful and that's not really what I offer.

• 57:08Speaker 02

  You're not gonna like lay her down and put roses.

• 57:11Matt McCusker?

  Not gonna blow her mind. Yeah, it was just-

• 57:12Speaker 02

  You're not gonna blow her mind either.

• 57:14Matt McCusker?

  That's what I'm saying. It would just be, so I'm, I'm very like-

• 57:16Speaker 02

  You'd both regret it.

• 57:17Matt McCusker?

  It would be somebody trying to horn in on my life and resources and me foolishly.

• 57:22Speaker 02

  You should give them money, though.

• 57:24Matt McCusker?

  I would. I'd have to.

• 57:25Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 57:25Matt McCusker?

  I'd have to gag them. It'd be like money, gag order.

• 57:29Speaker 02

  Whatever you need. Now I'm just paying for your apartment. I'm paying for your apartment so you don't tell my wife.

• 57:37Speaker 02

  I'm just being extorted.

• 57:38Matt McCusker?

  But yeah, it, it is, I will say with the social media stuff, it's like, like dude, you used to be able to like start a family. You could like leave your family and just go 30 miles and just-

• 57:46Speaker 02

  You could have another family and not even leave them.

• 57:48Matt McCusker?

  That's what I'm saying. And it was, it was, now it's like, social media, fucking 23andMe, you get a DNA test, it's like bam, that, that, it all will come out in the wash eventually. That's the one thing I, I've told my wife that I say, if you do end up cheating on me.

• 58:01Speaker 02

  You're gonna find out?

• 58:02Matt McCusker?

  I'll find out, yeah, I'll find out. Well, she'd be pregnant, so I would be able to see that, but if I were to do it.

• 58:07Speaker 02

  You think she would automatically get pregnant? If she cheated on you?

• 58:11Matt McCusker?

  I don't know. I mean, I, I'm saying there'd be somehow, there'd be proof, like if, say if I was-

• 58:14Speaker 02

  Give her some credit that she's not gonna get fucking knocked up cheating on you. What a crazy thing. She can't do it. She has to get like a load blown in her.

• 58:27Speaker 02

  Give her a little credit.

• 58:28Matt McCusker?

  True. That's true. That's true. But I did explain that to my wife. I was like, it's not, it's obviously not worse for a woman to cheat or anything like that, but there is a biological component to it where it's like a guy can't get like a woman can never be a cuckold. A guy could be a cuckold, like the, the end of female cheating could result in you like spending 20 years raising a kid that's not yours.

• 58:49Speaker 02

  That's the cuckold.

• 58:50Matt McCusker?

  That's what a cuckold is. A cuckold is just anyone whose wife has sex.

• 58:53Speaker 02

  Right.

• 58:54Matt McCusker?

  I think the woman version is called a cuck queen.

• 58:56Speaker 02

  Oh, okay.

• 58:57Matt McCusker?

  Which is funny terminology, but it's not as like, you know.

• 58:59Speaker 02

  Just make her not come also. That will make me come. You're disappointing another person. I'm getting off on this. This is so hot that you can't please either of us.

• 59:09Matt McCusker?

  They're just both mad at me.

• 59:13Matt McCusker?

  But yeah, it's like, I've told her, I'm like, it is, there's something that is like extra sinister about like a woman can cheat, get pregnant and then just be like, yo, this is yours, which is like, that's a different level or a different layer of like monstrosity.

• 59:24Speaker 02

  But if she, if she cheated on you with a black eye, it would probably come out a little darker.

• 59:29Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, but here, here's the thing.

• 59:30Speaker 02

  What?

• 59:31Matt McCusker?

  This is true, but it's like, when, once you're like an interracial kind of mix, the shades do differ. So if it was like, if the kid was like black as hell, I, I could, you know, maybe ask some questions, but like they, you'll, they'll like, the hues can be wildly different. Like if you go to like South America.

• 59:46Speaker 02

  Okay.

• 59:47Matt McCusker?

  Where it's like, everyone's been kind of like mixed up a lot.

• 59:49Speaker 02

  You never know what you're getting.

• 59:50Matt McCusker?

  Very lights and then very, and yeah, exactly.

• 59:52Speaker 02

  It comes out a little Asian.

• 59:54Matt McCusker?

  Then I would know. Then I would say.

• 59:56Speaker 02

  But the hues are in between. The hues are there. You don't know what's happening.

• 1:00:01Matt McCusker?

  That is my favorite thing though. I've met a couple of people where I'll be like, they'll be like, oh, you have kids? And I'll show them a picture and they'll be like, oh, uh, is, uh, is your wife?

• 1:00:09Speaker 02

  She's Puerto Rican.

• 1:00:10Matt McCusker?

  I always, I'm like, my wife's from Sweden. And I'll be like, and I'll watch and be like, what the fuck? And I'm like, I'm just kidding. My wife's black, but the, uh, it's a fun trick I like to do. But yeah, she, she like says our kids look like they're Puerto Rican. That's her. She likes to say that out loud. It's my Puerto Rican babies. And I, it's funny because we're in like a pretty liberal, like well-to-do white area. And it's like, people get kind of like, oh, you're not allowed to say my Puerto Rican baby like that. And she's allowed. She can do whatever she wants, but it's like, it is funny watching people get kind of uptight, like, fuck.

• 1:00:42Speaker 02

  That she has Puerto Rican kids?

• 1:00:43Matt McCusker?

  Well, they're just white and black, so they look like the Puerto Ricans.

• 1:00:46Speaker 02

  Right. People are upset by that?

• 1:00:49Matt McCusker?

  People are kind of uncomfortable with like, like, uh, irreverent references of race.

• 1:00:54Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:00:55Matt McCusker?

  It's like, and I've noticed that. It's more like a, kind of like a white liberal thing where it's kind of like, what the fuck?

• 1:01:00Speaker 02

  I always find like whenever white people get uncomfortable about race, it means their families had lots of slaves.

• 1:01:06Matt McCusker?

  Definitely.

• 1:01:07Speaker 02

  Cause you're like, ugh.

• 1:01:09Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, dude. For sure. If you're, yeah, if you're white and rich, that's what I was saying with like reparations. It's like, let's just find out whoever had slaves and just make them pay a bunch of money. And then, you know.

• 1:01:20Speaker 02

  I'm not against that.

• 1:01:21Matt McCusker?

  Me either. I think that'd be fair. It'd be like, dude, you guys, you guys had them fork the money and just fucking.

• 1:01:26Speaker 02

  I wish my family had lots of slaves.

• 1:01:28Matt McCusker?

  True.

• 1:01:28Speaker 02

  So I could have been rich. Yeah.

• 1:01:30Matt McCusker?

  You'd be killing it, yeah.

• 1:01:30Speaker 02

  We were very poor, unfortunately.

• 1:01:34Speaker 02

  We didn't even have one.

• 1:01:35Matt McCusker?

  You didn't have a single one? I don't think we had them. I like, don't want to find out. That would make my situation very awkward if I found out.

• 1:01:42Speaker 02

  But now you're providing for these kids and having a better life for them. It's actually like the best come up.

• 1:01:46Matt McCusker?

  True. This is true.

• 1:01:48Speaker 02

  Just spin it how you want, man.

• 1:01:49Matt McCusker?

  This is, this is true. Yeah. Like, I've come a long way. But yeah, I don't, I don't think we've had slaves, but the, um, yeah, it's gotta be crazy though to find that out. Some people like do learn that and they're like, fuck. Just sucks for, you know, I mean, I don't know. It's like, you didn't do it, but it's also just kind of sucks.

• 1:02:03Speaker 02

  It's like everyone was doing it.

• 1:02:04Matt McCusker?

  True.

• 1:02:05Speaker 02

  It's like Molly.

• 1:02:06Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, true. It's like Molly.

• 1:02:09Speaker 02

  I don't know. He was just trying to fit in. I didn't want any.

• 1:02:12Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, it was just the summer of 1869. It was just everyone.

• 1:02:15Speaker 02

  My friend got me one for my birthday.

• 1:02:18Matt McCusker?

  They, they say a slave was as expensive as a car, basically. So that was like, everyone's like, yeah, that's like, not everybody. It was like.

• 1:02:25Speaker 02

  Not everyone could afford it.

• 1:02:26Matt McCusker?

  That's what I'm saying. That was basically when you adjusted the price, it was like a brand new car. That's expensive. I didn't know, like, that's pricey.

• 1:02:34Speaker 02

  Very pricey, but like, what kind of new car? Like a Civic?

• 1:02:38Matt McCusker?

  I don't know. I would, yeah, I would imagine. I don't know. Maybe there's, there's different, you know, maybe there's different ones, but like, I think it was kind of like, you know, it was the equivalent to like $25,000. I think. I could be wrong about that. That's what I heard and I was like, man.

• 1:02:50Speaker 02

  You know, some people probably couldn't really afford it, but they got one and made them do the work like six.

• 1:02:54Matt McCusker?

  True. Yeah. Oh my God, that must've been crazy. Dude, I, I worked with a guy one time when I was in a.

• 1:03:02Matt McCusker?

  How old was I was in high school and they it was a pool company so we're just like digging pools and like you know painting pools all this stuff and maintaining.

• 1:03:09Speaker 02

  Digging pools seems like brutal work.

• 1:03:11Matt McCusker?

  It fucking sucked so bad, but I remember it was literally it was the worst job I've ever had by far. The guy would stand on the edge of a pool that you were like, they used a machine for a lot of it, then you had to hand shovel like the edges to like kinda cut it in. And he would stand on the edge of this like fucking hole and just be like, why is your shovel stopped? And he would just like a fucking like prison line. He would just be like, and you had to do it the whole time. You had to move. If you stopped for a second, he'd be like, why is that shovel not moving?

• 1:03:36Speaker 02

  Like, I think you're looking for Ukrainians.

• 1:03:38Matt McCusker?

  Dude, well, eventually his brother, for real.

• 1:03:40Speaker 02

  They're gonna do the most work. I'm actually not. So this is what you get with an Irish.

• 1:03:45Matt McCusker?

  His brother showed up one day and his brother came to the pool yard and he had like a Mexican dude with him. He was like, he like showed this Mexican guy off like he was like a fucking Tesla robot.

• 1:03:53Speaker 02

  Oh, I bet.

• 1:03:54Matt McCusker?

  Cause he was like, yo dude, you gotta get yourself one of these. And he was just like, these motherfuckers are crazy. And he was just.

• 1:03:59Speaker 02

  That's what you're looking for, not this. This is not an updated model.

• 1:04:02Matt McCusker?

  I'm about to go to college next year. But yeah, he like show, he like introduced this guy to Mexicans. Like it was like a new technology. It was crazy.

• 1:04:10Speaker 02

  But did he hire a bunch of Mexicans?

• 1:04:11Matt McCusker?

  No, it was me.

• 1:04:13Speaker 02

  I want these outdated models.

• 1:04:15Matt McCusker?

  He's like, I want these shitty white guys. Yeah, it was me and the one guy who had seniority, it turned out to be a bit of a freak. He was like, he, I went with him on his like, um, whatever it was, like a maintenance route. And he was like, we go in his car and we get to like smoke weed all day. And he was like, yeah, it's like, otherwise you'd be digging holes. So I got to do the maintenance thing. But then like we like would smoke weed and play Tiger Woods golf at his house all day. We were like, finish our jobs quickly and then do, he like made this guy a lot of money so he could do whatever he wanted. And, and then he like, when we were playing Tiger Woods golf and just smoking weed, I was like in high school. And he like came to the, he did something where like he was just washing his clothes.

• 1:04:51Speaker 02

  It sounds like it's getting sexual.

• 1:04:53Matt McCusker?

  Well, here's the thing, it never got fully sexual, but I remember like him just like walking to the laundry machine in his boxers. I mean, like, fucking weird.

• 1:05:00Speaker 02

  Right. That's what it starts out.

• 1:05:01Matt McCusker?

  Exactly. But there was another guy I worked with who was there who the, the, uh, he was like, we had a similar status. It was me and him were bottom of the totem pole. Then he had this like guy who was like journeyman who could, actually know what the pool machines did. That guy, the boss hated him so much, he would dump, he flipped the dumpster over every day and make him pick up the trash because he wanted him to quit so he didn't have to pay him unemployment.

• 1:05:22Speaker 02

  Ugh.

• 1:05:22Matt McCusker?

  But that guy, as I, we like, he, he's like, his, we've like married in together, like his family married into my family and like, so I like, I was talking to his brother and I'm like, dude, like I, I worked with your brother and he was like, yo, that guy was like, one day pulled his pants down, was like shaking his ass to his brother and I'm like, dude, he was kind of, gave us some weird freaky shit to me, but it wasn't that bad. Unless I just blocked it, unless we like made out and I blocked it out of my head.

• 1:05:45Speaker 02

  You probably did.

• 1:05:45Matt McCusker?

  Unless you're like, fuck.

• 1:05:46Speaker 02

  You're playing golf and then you're making out. You're like, hey, can you do my laundry also? Say, I'll wash all your clothes, just take them all off.

• 1:05:53Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, I'm like, yeah, he only ever like walked in his boxers in my head. I'm like, I think I fucked that guy one time. No, it was, it was pretty tame, but I was like, yeah, it was a, it was too good to be true. It was like just fucking plying me with weed and Playstation.

• 1:06:05Speaker 02

  Oh, you were like so close to getting your butt fingered.

• 1:06:08Matt McCusker?

  I know, dude. I was so close.

• 1:06:11Speaker 02

  You got out of there? What happened?

• 1:06:12Matt McCusker?

  I just quit. I was like, yeah, I was a, it was like a summer job and I was like trying to work all summer. Then eventually I went to the beach for like a week with my aunt and uncle and I was like, I quit.

• 1:06:21Speaker 02

  They pulled you out of it.

• 1:06:22Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, I, I just like grabbed money I could from that place and just fucking took off, but it was.

• 1:06:26Speaker 02

  You were so close.

• 1:06:27Matt McCusker?

  I was so close to getting, I was on the chopping block to get fingered and I, I think he was planning on fingering me right before I went to the beach, maybe? I don't know.

• 1:06:34Speaker 02

  He's like, well, if you don't say anything about me and my boxers, then I know you're kind of cool with it.

• 1:06:39Matt McCusker?

  I think so. Yeah, it was a, have you ever been had any like really fucked up jobs like that?

• 1:06:44Speaker 02

  Where there's like a sexual component? I remember I did stupid things like me and my friend would go on a boat with guys we didn't know and I'm like, oh, we could have definitely gotten raped.

• 1:06:52Matt McCusker?

  Oh, yeah.

• 1:06:52Speaker 02

  And we were young, we were like seventeen or eighteen.

• 1:06:54Matt McCusker?

  Ah.

• 1:06:55Speaker 02

  So it's like, you think back to that, you're like, that was pretty dumb. Just getting in cars with guys you don't know and going to the movies.

• 1:07:01Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, that's kind of terrifying.

• 1:07:02Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:07:03Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, there was, we used to hang out, this like, like it was like a movie, everyone would tell their parents we're going to the movie theaters. It's called Painter's Crossing. It was just like a shopping center at a movie theater and you would like just hang, you would tell your parents to go to the movies and instead you were like standing in a parking lot and be like fucking dumbasses.

• 1:07:17Speaker 02

  They think about the movies, we're out on the corner freezing.

• 1:07:20Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, we're just freezing outside, but the, uh, eating ice cream at Friendly's, but they. I remember that. There was always like older, like older, older dudes that could like come up in like a cool civic and just like absolutely prey on the eighth grader girls and you're like, please don't go with them.

• 1:07:34Speaker 02

  Oh, God, yeah.

• 1:07:35Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, they were like old high school guys would pull up and you're like, dude, can you guys please get the fuck out of here?

• 1:07:40Speaker 02

  Me and my friends went to the movies to go CB4. Do you remember that like Chris Rock movie?

• 1:07:44Matt McCusker?

  Yeah.

• 1:07:45Speaker 02

  Okay, it's pretty bad. But anyway, this guy has like a-

• 1:07:47Matt McCusker?

  Wait, hold on, CB4? I'm thinking of MIB. I don't know what I'm thinking of.

• 1:07:49Speaker 02

  No, CB4 is like, I think Chris Rock's maybe first movie. It's pretty bad.

• 1:07:52Matt McCusker?

  What year was this?

• 1:07:54Speaker 02

  Probably 94, 95.

• 1:07:56Matt McCusker?

  I didn't see that. I have a thing when people ask me about a movie, I lie and say I saw it and then I catch myself in the-

• 1:08:00Speaker 02

  I actually like that. I like that you do that.

• 1:08:02Matt McCusker?

  Sorry, I do that every time. Someone says that you see this movie, I go, yes.

• 1:08:05Speaker 02

  Yeah, and then when they start asking you, you're like, well, maybe I'm misremembering.

• 1:08:08Matt McCusker?

  Yeah. I just, I don't know what it is. And I'll be like, yeah. And then they'll be like, remember this part? And I'll be like, I used to be like, yeah. And then I don't laugh and then they'll be like, I feel dumb for bringing it up.

• 1:08:17Speaker 02

  Just be honest. You were talking at one point and I spaced out. Like, you know what I mean? It's just kind of how it is. And it's not because I wasn't interested. You said something and my brain just started going on the trail.

• 1:08:25Matt McCusker?

  I appreciate the honesty, dude.

• 1:08:27Speaker 02

  Yeah, it's like everyone lies about everything.

• 1:08:28Matt McCusker?

  So what was up with CB4?

• 1:08:30Speaker 02

  Anyway, so me and my friends meet these guys on the street. He has like a civic wagon. He's like, you know, Hispanic Puerto Rican, Raul. And he has like Christmas lights in it. We all go to the movies in this guy's car and it's like, thinking back, you're like, these guys are like decent guys. They didn't like attack us or rape us or anything. And then you're like, that was pretty dumb.

• 1:08:48Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, man. It's, I'm terrified, man.

• 1:08:50Speaker 02

  And you have daughters, too.

• 1:08:51Matt McCusker?

  I, dude, I am absolutely fucking terrified.

• 1:08:53Speaker 02

  They're gonna be exotic because they're Puerto Rican.

• 1:08:55Matt McCusker?

  I know. And they're, they're, they're beautiful girls, man. They're beautiful girls. My wife reminds me, yep. Yeah, I, I spent a lot of my day fantasizing about just like beating a young man to death as like a-

• 1:09:07Speaker 02

  That's fun.

• 1:09:07Matt McCusker?

  As an old man, just being like, ah. I've like, I've, I've already like thought about like setting aside resources to like, just like what I would do to a person if they were like hitting her or did anything terrible. It's like, I, I, my, one thing is I'd like to hire a bunch of like homeless people or crackheads and just like throw a brick at somebody.

• 1:09:24Speaker 02

  Okay, yeah.

• 1:09:25Matt McCusker?

  For the rest of his life, for the rest of his life. I'm like, dude, you'll get pelted with a rock for the rest of your life at any given time.

• 1:09:30Speaker 02

  Right.

• 1:09:31Matt McCusker?

  And it's private investigators. I was thinking about, I was like awake last night thinking about this.

• 1:09:34Speaker 02

  There's a whole way, a whole system where you could do it and get away with it.

• 1:09:37Matt McCusker?

  Exactly. Oh, I would definitely get away with it. If I just paid like homeless guys to throw rocks at somebody, like just like once every two years.

• 1:09:43Speaker 02

  Paying them too much and then they started their own life.

• 1:09:46Matt McCusker?

  True.

• 1:09:46Speaker 02

  You gotta pay them just enough to keep them on the streets.

• 1:09:48Matt McCusker?

  Oh, for sure. I, I would like giving them like heroin and shit.

• 1:09:52Speaker 02

  Smart.

• 1:09:52Matt McCusker?

  Keep him like, yeah, I'd keep him.

• 1:09:54Speaker 02

  Highly addicted, highly poor. On the streets constantly.

• 1:09:58Matt McCusker?

  The private eye would be nice though. The private eye, I really wanna start, I'm like, I could like.

• 1:10:02Speaker 02

  You could.

• 1:10:03Matt McCusker?

  I could follow one person. I could like, put out the money to like, follow, just get the full detail, like one of my brothers, just like, what are they really up to?

• 1:10:09Speaker 02

  You could just even pay one of them to do it.

• 1:10:11Matt McCusker?

  True. Got a private eye for me?

• 1:10:13Speaker 02

  Cause they're gonna be like, on the, you know, on the road doing shows and stuff.

• 1:10:15Matt McCusker?

  I'd have to, for my alibi, I'd have to, I'd probably try to leave the country. But I would like the private eye.

• 1:10:20Speaker 02

  I don't think you should leave the country now, your kids are really abandoned.

• 1:10:23Matt McCusker?

  No, that's true. Yeah, that's true.

• 1:10:24Speaker 02

  They're gonna be strippers now.

• 1:10:26Matt McCusker?

  No, I'm saying for like, a week while, whatever crime I order, I wanna leave the country while it happens, so I come back and like.

• 1:10:30Speaker 02

  That's very obvious. Just go to Minneapolis, you're fine.

• 1:10:32Matt McCusker?

  A good point, yeah. That's true. I'll do Hilarities in Cleveland.

• 1:10:35Speaker 02

  Go do Hilarities in Cleveland. Some guys getting pelted with stones.

• 1:10:40Matt McCusker?

  But yeah, I, I like, thought about that last night, like, would it be an overreach if I had like, a private investigator, like, follow?

• 1:10:46Speaker 02

  No.

• 1:10:47Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, right? That wouldn't be crazy. Not like, not like, out of a, almost as a precautionary. Or is like, she started dating someone, just like, just follow her around?

• 1:10:53Speaker 02

  Sure, look into their family.

• 1:10:54Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, look, the whole family.

• 1:10:55Speaker 02

  You're not gonna wanna know what she's doing though, cause there's a certain like, sexual component, you're not gonna wanna know.

• 1:10:59Matt McCusker?

  I don't want that. I'm saying, the guy, I'm not gonna like, spy on them. That would be it.

• 1:11:02Speaker 02

  Oh yeah, just spy on the guy, yeah, his whole family.

• 1:11:04Matt McCusker?

  Did you see the Black Mirror episode, where the mom has the thing where she can watch the daughter?

• 1:11:11Speaker 02

  Yes.

• 1:11:11Matt McCusker?

  There's, there's a thing on Black Mirror where they had a, uh, the mom can like, see her daughter at all times, and it just like, watched her daughter have sex.

• 1:11:17Speaker 02

  That's like, not something, oh, that's not something you want.

• 1:11:19Matt McCusker?

  It was rough.

• 1:11:20Speaker 02

  Yeah, that's, that's not good.

• 1:11:21Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, I don't want that, but I just wanna like, just keep tabs on, cause it's like, you know, dudes can be just fucking, just dastardly.

• 1:11:26Speaker 02

  Piece of shit.

• 1:11:27Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, like a very, there's like, guys out there, I'd like to believe for me.

• 1:11:29Speaker 02

  Maybe one will be gay.

• 1:11:31Matt McCusker?

  That'd be ideal.

• 1:11:33Speaker 02

  Women are also crazy though.

• 1:11:35Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, I'm trying to think about that.

• 1:11:35Speaker 02

  A little physical abuse, I would take over emotional abuse.

• 1:11:38Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, true. Yeah, women can really fuck you up, like mentally.

• 1:11:42Speaker 02

  For sure.

• 1:11:43Matt McCusker?

  That's their weapon.

• 1:11:44Speaker 02

  I specialize in it.

• 1:11:45Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, can you relate, you can fuck with somebody? What's your, what's your go-to move?

• 1:11:49Speaker 02

  Break up with you, block you, come back.

• 1:11:51Matt McCusker?

  Oh no.

• 1:11:54Matt McCusker?

  And then what?

• 1:11:55Speaker 02

  The breakup, they come back, it's like this cycle, it's like a cyclical cycle. And it's mostly I'm doing that because they're not good for me, but then I'm also just in this chaotic. It's like, kinda like my childhood, you know?

• 1:12:05Matt McCusker?

  Right, right.

• 1:12:05Speaker 02

  Fighting, going back, fighting.

• 1:12:06Matt McCusker?

  But how's that weaponized against the other person? Do you know deep down, like, like, how would you like just try to absolutely wreck someone mentally?

• 1:12:14Speaker 02

  It depends what I wanted, like, make them like more into me, or make them miss me, like, you know?

• 1:12:19Matt McCusker?

  Fuck dude, this is so scary.

• 1:12:20Speaker 02

  It's very scary. It depends what I want to do. What is my mission? Tell me my mission.

• 1:12:25Matt McCusker?

  Just to like knock them down, just like try to devastate them or make them feel bad?

• 1:12:29Speaker 02

  I mean, you could just do jokes about them.

• 1:12:31Matt McCusker?

  Sucks, yeah.

• 1:12:33Speaker 02

  I was like talking to this doorman, and I remember one time, he's like, I don't just open doors. I'm like, will you open windows?

• 1:12:43Matt McCusker?

  That's pretty fucking funny.

• 1:12:45Speaker 02

  Yeah, I mean, like, you could, it's so easy to do.

• 1:12:47Matt McCusker?

  Yeah.

• 1:12:48Speaker 02

  Cause men's egos are so fragile.

• 1:12:49Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, well, also, it's like, dude-

• 1:12:51Speaker 02

  Or like, your dick is stuck in bed.

• 1:12:53Matt McCusker?

  Nuclear.

• 1:12:54Speaker 02

  There's just so many things you can do.

• 1:12:55Matt McCusker?

  Your penis sucks is a nu-, that's like nuclear option, like, I, and I, it's one of the things as a man, you have to wonder, like, what does she really think about this? And it's like, you don't wanna know, obviously. I've, I've like, I've went into that cave before in previous relationships, like, just tell me, and it's just like, crippling. You're like, wait, what?

• 1:13:11Speaker 02

  What did you ask them in terms of what they think about you as a person?

• 1:13:15Matt McCusker?

  No, I don't care about that. I was like, how big is my dick compared to all the other dicks?

• 1:13:18Speaker 02

  Oh, that's a tough question. That's a tough question.

• 1:13:20Matt McCusker?

  I thought I wanted the answers, and I was just like, really? This is the last guy you're with? Okay. Fuck! But-

• 1:13:27Speaker 02

  Guys with huge dicks usually are not great in bed, though, I will say that. I'd rather an average size-

• 1:13:31Matt McCusker?

  Preach, preach, sister.

• 1:13:32Speaker 02

  I'd rather an average sized dick, a guy, I'd rather an average sized guy that does all the stuff than a guy that like, sticks a finger in for a second and then has sex with the onion.

• 1:13:40Matt McCusker?

  Congratu-, you just won over our entire fanbase, dude. If you're worried about it for a second, they love you.

• 1:13:44Speaker 02

  Guys, can you put this to the beginning of the ash? Can you move this to the beginning? Average sized dicks are where it's at.

• 1:13:51Matt McCusker?

  I'll do that from like, you know, the YouTube-

• 1:13:52Speaker 02

  Average sized dicks are where it's at. Nobody wants a big dick.

• 1:13:54Matt McCusker?

  This girl just makes a lot of sense, man. I really like the way she's fucking thinking. I also, look, and I could be, I could just, you know, I'm not like trying to talk about guys with big dicks like they're like bad, but I feel like they do carry more of a Machiavellian kind of personality.

• 1:14:09Speaker 02

  Yeah, because they have this big dick, but usually that's all they do is have a big dick.

• 1:14:13Matt McCusker?

  Yeah.

• 1:14:13Speaker 02

  So it's like if you just have that and like, don't do foreplay, you don't do anything about, like for someone else, it's like, it just sucks.

• 1:14:19Matt McCusker?

  Yeah.

• 1:14:20Speaker 02

  It's not great.

• 1:14:20Matt McCusker?

  Eventually it all, I knew, I knew one guy in my life who was, you know, we, it was like someone we do, we had like, we kind of like a professional relationship. And he, he apparently had a giant dick and he, I remember him telling me like, bro, he's like living with this lady and I remember being like, man, she's really putting up with a lot. And he's like, I'm controlling her mind with my dick. And that was what he told me. And it, for a minute I was like, maybe he is. I'm like, good for him.

• 1:14:43Speaker 02

  Some girls are size queens and they want a huge dick.

• 1:14:46Matt McCusker?

  But it all fell apart. It did eventually. I think she found, maybe found a bigger dick. That's a problem. Someone finds another big dick. You know, I guess you gotta like flip a lot of stones, but eventually you find another one.

• 1:14:53Speaker 02

  You find another, but now this guy could do more damage than the other guy.

• 1:14:57Matt McCusker?

  True.

• 1:14:57Speaker 02

  If you're like really into big dicks, I guess you would put up with a lot.

• 1:15:01Matt McCusker?

  Yeah. But it all came crashing down. Cause I remember being like, man, that's a thing. I didn't know that. And then eventually like he got kicked out of the house. And I was like, well, mind control, MK ultras apparently ceased too. It's fucking.

• 1:15:10Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:15:10Matt McCusker?

  But yeah, it was a, it was kind of a, it was like a weird, that's never really been my play. I've never tried to like, you know, like control a woman's mind.

• 1:15:17Speaker 02

  I don't know if this guy.

• 1:15:18Matt McCusker?

  I didn't know it was an option. I didn't know it was.

• 1:15:19Speaker 02

  I don't know if this guy was controlling her mind either.

• 1:15:21Matt McCusker?

  I don't think he did. I got kicked out of her house.

• 1:15:23Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:15:23Matt McCusker?

  And she called the police on him.

• 1:15:25Speaker 02

  Sounds like we dated this same person. Where's this guy from?

• 1:15:30Matt McCusker?

  Pennsylvania.

• 1:15:31Speaker 02

  Well, I've dated some Pennsylvania trash.

• 1:15:33Matt McCusker?

  Really?

• 1:15:33Speaker 02

  Keep going.

• 1:15:34Matt McCusker?

  True.

• 1:15:35Speaker 02

  He didn't have a huge dick though.

• 1:15:37Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, this guy, he called it, you know, but he, uh, yeah, it was always, uh, I've always been kind of fascinated as a guy too, like, you'll just be like chilling with a guy for a long time. Then you just learn he has a huge dick and you're like, what the fuck?

• 1:15:50Speaker 02

  Who cares? That's like not a thing.

• 1:15:52Matt McCusker?

  I don't care anymore. I don't care anymore, but it was just, it's, well, sorry, what were you saying? You don't think it's a thing?

• 1:15:56Speaker 02

  I don't, like, I get it. Some people really love huge dicks, but to me, it's like, what you can do with it, like, what your other skills are kind of are better than just having like this one thing you're...

• 1:16:06Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, true.

• 1:16:07Speaker 02

  Cause like, you're not even necessarily good at it, you just have it.

• 1:16:09Matt McCusker?

  Okay, so like, when it goes like, all the way to the back, you're saying like, take it or leave it?

• 1:16:13Speaker 02

  I told the guy, I was like, hey, I don't come like that. And he's like, oh, what should I do? He's like, cause girls just be coming from that. So like, he didn't even know. I was like, well, first of all, a lot of them are lying to you, but like, he's almost 40 and like, he did not even know that. He's like, oh, I just, I, girls just be coming like that. I'm like, yeah, not most of them.

• 1:16:32Matt McCusker?

  This is a sick answer, though. I'm gonna do my wife that, be like, girls usually just be coming from that, dude, I don't know.

• 1:16:37Speaker 02

  He's like, so what should I do? It's like, so this guy doesn't even know.

• 1:16:40Matt McCusker?

  Yeah. What, he didn't know to like, put it in and go fast as possible?

• 1:16:45Speaker 02

  The jackhammer move? That's actually his only move.

• 1:16:51Speaker 02

  He's like in another world.

• 1:16:52Matt McCusker?

  Like, this isn't for you, this is for me.

• 1:16:54Speaker 02

  Oh, for sure, it's for him, yeah. For sure.

• 1:16:58Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, that is a, uh, that is very funny. Yeah, I don't know, man. I, I don't, I don't have, I used to be like, as a younger man, I was very like, hung up. I'd be like, oh my god, like, you know, where do I stand? And then you get older, you're like, what the fuck, man, I don't care, but... It doesn't matter. It's one of those things, too, it's like, it's, there's an expiration date on that. If you're like, priding yourself of being awesome at sex, it's like, well, guess what, dude?

• 1:17:16Speaker 02

  Yeah, and also, this guy was like, well, the one thing you shouldn't talk about is how a guy has sex. And I'm like, that should've tipped me off that he's not good.

• 1:17:23Matt McCusker?

  What do you mean, talk about?

• 1:17:24Speaker 02

  He's like, you shouldn't like, I guess, criticize how a man is in bed. And then I was like, I should probably think, this is not gonna be good. Like, if you don't wanna hear any feedback?

• 1:17:32Matt McCusker?

  Yeah. That's also such a funny thing to be like, look, it's just kind of implied for you to like, tell me.

• 1:17:38Speaker 02

  Can you please not leave me a bad Yelp review, actually? That's not gonna be great for me.

• 1:17:41Matt McCusker?

  I, I went on one online date with a person, this was the most, I mean, this was diabolical. And I, I don't think they genuinely did it on purpose, but... This lady was very into LSD. She was like, you know, she was working with like kids with disabilities and she's like, I want to give it to them. And I remember being like, that's pretty nuts. You shouldn't do that. But she, uh, she told me this. I was like, I always would. That was like my big icebreaker. I'm like, what, like, what's like the weirdest date you ever went on? And, uh, this lady was like, one time I brought some acid to this guy's apartment and like, he never did it before. And we were like tripping on acid. And, uh, we started having sex and halfway through I stopped and I was like, I'm sorry, but you have the smallest penis I've ever seen.

• 1:18:20Matt McCusker?

  She's like, I gotta stop. And she just like got off and just chilled in his apartment and like finished the acid or whatever. And then she said the guy the whole time was watching like motivational videos on his YouTube while she just kind of like sat on her phone.

• 1:18:32Speaker 02

  Why didn't he just leave?

• 1:18:34Matt McCusker?

  It was his apartment.

• 1:18:35Speaker 02

  Why didn't she just leave?

• 1:18:36Matt McCusker?

  She's a fucking psycho. I don't know. But she like broke this down to him being like, bro, like you don't understand, like this is crazy. I've never encountered anything like this.

• 1:18:44Speaker 02

  A dick so small.

• 1:18:45Matt McCusker?

  A dick's like, I can't like, we just have to stop right now. And then I think she-

• 1:18:48Speaker 02

  I dated some guys with small dicks.

• 1:18:50Matt McCusker?

  Really?

• 1:18:51Speaker 02

  I went on a streak of small dicks for a lot of years.

• 1:18:53Matt McCusker?

  That's kind of sick.

• 1:18:55Speaker 02

  It was, but at one point you just look at it, you're like, I feel almost like a pedophile. This is like, kind of, this is like kind of gross. It's very small.

• 1:19:03Matt McCusker?

  He just lost half the fan base?

• 1:19:05Speaker 02

  Fuck, aren't they pedophiles?

• 1:19:09Speaker 02

  Guys.

• 1:19:09Matt McCusker?

  I'm kidding. That is very funny. Yeah, that's gotta be, well, that, that's a, I mean, it is the old Louis bit where he's like, you don't know what it is until you get, you have to go on an entire date. Was it, did he, I think he did. Maybe, I don't know. Maybe I wrote that. I'm a fucking comedic genius, but the, the-

• 1:19:27Speaker 02

  Is that what the podium is for?

• 1:19:29Matt McCusker?

  Well, did you notice my podium is so big and the guest is so small?

• 1:19:31Speaker 02

  Listen, it's a, it's a big dick energy move. This is a very small energy.

• 1:19:38Matt McCusker?

  But I did do that consciously because it made me laugh to be like at a gigantic podium.

• 1:19:42Speaker 02

  I love it.

• 1:19:43Matt McCusker?

  But the, uh, maybe self-consciously it is the conversation, but- The, uh, what the fuck? I don't even remember what the fuck I was saying. Oh, that is, that is crazy to just go on a streak and then it's like, you can't-

• 1:19:53Speaker 02

  I wasn't trying. It was happening.

• 1:19:55Matt McCusker?

  Seeking it out would be crazy though. If you started like matching them up.

• 1:19:58Speaker 02

  It was just small.

• 1:20:00Matt McCusker?

  How accurately do you think you can predict, just looking at a person?

• 1:20:03Speaker 02

  I have no idea.

• 1:20:04Matt McCusker?

  So it's just a total-

• 1:20:05Speaker 02

  I have no idea.

• 1:20:06Matt McCusker?

  Question mark.

• 1:20:06Speaker 02

  Yeah, I have no, you can't go by feet size. You really can't. For me, I, I have no idea. My friend can tell pretty accurately, but I have no idea.

• 1:20:13Matt McCusker?

  That's crazy.

• 1:20:14Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:20:14Matt McCusker?

  How does your friend?

• 1:20:16Speaker 02

  I don't know. She just has a gift, I think.

• 1:20:17Matt McCusker?

  She has, she's gifted, yeah.

• 1:20:18Speaker 02

  She's gifted.

• 1:20:19Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, cause the thing is, you can't, then like, you have a responsibility. You can't like, leave the guy and be like, dude, your dick's just not cutting the mustard. Cause then it's like, that's, that's terrible. So you have to like, just kinda wait. What do you do? You just have to wait it out for a little bit and eventually be like, look, I don't think.

• 1:20:32Speaker 02

  No, I mean, I remember one time I was like, talking to this guy and he was like, oh, I just want you to have a small dick. Like, we were at a place-

• 1:20:37Matt McCusker?

  That's honorable.

• 1:20:38Speaker 02

  And then like, I was like, alright, well, I'll like jerk you off, but like, I'm not gonna like, take a number and have that added to my roster.

• 1:20:44Matt McCusker?

  True, true.

• 1:20:45Speaker 02

  Bring down the mean, the mean average. But listen, when a guy tells you he has a small dick, he does, usually.

• 1:20:51Matt McCusker?

  Yeah. The power move is when it's average and you go, super small, and then they go, it's not that bad.

• 1:20:57Speaker 02

  It's like three inches. You're like, oh, it's six. That's great.

• 1:20:59Matt McCusker?

  Yeah. That's exactly. That's kinda my move, to be like, it's so small. Then they go, it's not that bad. You're like, well, yeah, whatever.

• 1:21:07Speaker 02

  Right. They're like pleasantly surprised.

• 1:21:09Matt McCusker?

  Exactly.

• 1:21:09Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:21:10Matt McCusker?

  Especially the whole time on the date, like you're eating, like, how's your food? And you're like, by the way, my fucking dick is tiny, dude.

• 1:21:15Speaker 02

  But then sometimes, sometimes it is tiny and you're like, oh, you were not lying.

• 1:21:20Matt McCusker?

  Honest Abe. At that point, you're Honest Abe, yeah.

• 1:21:22Speaker 02

  I told you what you were in for. It's not good.

• 1:21:24Matt McCusker?

  I, I think that's actually, that's a good, that's a noble thing though. To be like, look, I got a small fucking dick. It's kinda freeing.

• 1:21:30Speaker 02

  I would think so. And then you could also, if you date this person, just like, get away with so much. Cause their dick is so small.

• 1:21:36Matt McCusker?

  Oh, you're saying you can like denigrate them or, or just be like-

• 1:21:39Speaker 02

  You could just cheat. It's like, what are you gonna do?

• 1:21:41Matt McCusker?

  Dude, I-

• 1:21:41Speaker 02

  Good luck finding another person to put up with that.

• 1:21:43Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, true. Be like, look, I would love you if your dick was bigger, but it's not, so I have to cheat on you.

• 1:21:48Speaker 02

  I do love you, but I don't like you. I don't like you at all.

• 1:21:51Matt McCusker?

  So I do have, I have to do this because of you.

• 1:21:53Speaker 02

  If you have a small dick, you have to be good at other stuff.

• 1:21:56Matt McCusker?

  For sure.

• 1:21:57Speaker 02

  And that's why these big dick guys are not.

• 1:21:59Matt McCusker?

  Yeah. That's true. You gotta be very good. I, I've, uh, the one thing that is crushing in terms of from a celebrity perspective, then you get like- Well-known celebrities with the small penises and that kinda like hits the streets.

• 1:22:11Speaker 02

  What was that guy's name that cheated on his wife with the nanny and he had a small dick? White guy, curly hair.

• 1:22:19Matt McCusker?

  Hmm, I don't know. I was thinking, I know Arnold Schwarzenegger took down his nanny, but I don't know. I'd imagine he doesn't have a micropig, that'd be crazy.

• 1:22:26Speaker 02

  The talented Mr. Ripley he was in. Who's that guy? Not Matt Damon, the other one.

• 1:22:31Matt McCusker?

  Ben, not Ben Affleck.

• 1:22:32Speaker 02

  No, no, no.

• 1:22:34Matt McCusker?

  J Lo wouldn't put up with that.

• 1:22:36Speaker 02

  Probably not.

• 1:22:36Matt McCusker?

  Probably would've sized clean. Um, I don't know. I'm trying to think of the-

• 1:22:40Speaker 02

  It's the other, it's the guy in it.

• 1:22:43Matt McCusker?

  The talented, so it's not Ben Affleck? Who's the other guy?

• 1:22:47Speaker 02

  Jude Law.

• 1:22:47Matt McCusker?

  Jude Law? Really? He's a hunk.

• 1:22:49Speaker 02

  I know, and he's got a small dick. From what I, what I've heard, I don't know.

• 1:22:52Matt McCusker?

  Okay, that's, yeah, but he's so handsome though, right? Wouldn't it be kind of like, that would really be a-

• 1:22:57Speaker 02

  Small and thin is bad. It has to at least be thick.

• 1:23:02Speaker 02

  Thickish. Just not like a finger.

• 1:23:05Matt McCusker?

  Okay. More like one and a half.

• 1:23:07Speaker 02

  Like two at least?

• 1:23:09Matt McCusker?

  Okay, yeah, cool.

• 1:23:10Speaker 02

  Even if they're like two pinkies? That's not bad.

• 1:23:13Matt McCusker?

  Oh, so you're saying like?

• 1:23:15Speaker 02

  I'm just saying like you prefer two thumbs, wide length.

• 1:23:19Matt McCusker?

  I got you. But you'll take two pinkies. Pinkies is serviceable. Two fingers is serviceable.

• 1:23:23Speaker 02

  It's on the low end.

• 1:23:24Matt McCusker?

  One index finger you're talking about. Getting probed. You're talking about getting probed? Is that out, no, for real, I'm not, I'm not dick bragging at all. Is that out there?

• 1:23:32Speaker 02

  I don't know, that's crazy. I've never, I've never come across that.

• 1:23:35Matt McCusker?

  Damn, I was feeling real good about myself. I was like, what a fucking piece of shit.

• 1:23:38Speaker 02

  If this airs in China, I'm sure there are some guys with that.

• 1:23:43Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, that's, have they done the smallest in the planet?

• 1:23:46Speaker 02

  I think the smallest in the planet. I hope they're like, some guy's like, wait, have you gone to Jupiter and seen what the dicks are like out there?

• 1:23:54Matt McCusker?

  Have they done smallest in the planet?

• 1:23:56Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:23:57Matt McCusker?

  He's got, he's known for the smallest piece.

• 1:24:00Matt McCusker?

  So, how does that work? They didn't have like a, oh, they had a contest, didn't they? They actually had a, I actually, yeah, I'd read about this. They had a small dick contest and they found the guy who had like the smallest dick in the world. I think it was like trying to raise awareness. Be like, look, guys, let's de-stigmatize.

• 1:24:15Speaker 02

  That's just gonna make him wanna kill himself more.

• 1:24:17Matt McCusker?

  Smallest dick in the world. At that point, though, you'd have to just laugh.

• 1:24:20Speaker 02

  Right, you're like, it's so crazy.

• 1:24:22Matt McCusker?

  I have the smallest dick in the... And then you'd know, for you'd know where you stand. Half the torture's not knowing where you stand.

• 1:24:27Speaker 02

  Right. If you're just the worst, you're like, but I have huge balls. My balls are just huge.

• 1:24:32Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, that would be...

• 1:24:34Speaker 02

  I'm gonna stick my dick in there and my balls, so you're gonna get everything.

• 1:24:38Matt McCusker?

  You just spray like an ungodly amount of cum out of your tiny...

• 1:24:41Speaker 02

  You're getting everything, man.

• 1:24:43Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, that is a... It's an issue, and that's one, that's one guys are sensitive about, and, you know, it's... Man, I just wish my brothers out there could just, you know, just be free and be here they are.

• 1:24:53Speaker 02

  Average is the best.

• 1:24:54Matt McCusker?

  I think so, too. It's best of both world, best of all worlds. Hard worker, hard worker, you know, you get a little something going in sweatpants, something crazy, nothing to brag about.

• 1:25:02Speaker 02

  Right. If there's nothing there, that's a real turnoff. But also for women, you really don't know. I mean, I guess there's no way to know either if a woman's vagina is like huge.

• 1:25:10Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, there's no way. That's a absolute, you have, you can't tell at all.

• 1:25:15Speaker 02

  Right, so you just have to go in. You're both like this.

• 1:25:20Matt McCusker?

  Fingers crossed.

• 1:25:22Speaker 02

  We have no idea if this is gonna be a match or not.

• 1:25:24Matt McCusker?

  Yeah. I mean, yeah, people should, I, I, I would like to think people should be more like, just kind of gracious about it and be like, hey, you know, I I didn't really think that worked out very well. I'll take, I'll be willing to accept my half of the responsibility and, you know, I wish you the best and maybe find a good match.

• 1:25:38Speaker 02

  I had a boy, an ex-boyfriend who said that like he had sex with a woman and it was just like hollow inside. He also didn't have a big dick. And I was like, so what do you do? He's like, you just try and hit the wall.

• 1:25:48Matt McCusker?

  Yeah.

• 1:25:48Speaker 02

  That was so funny.

• 1:25:51Matt McCusker?

  You gotta lean. Yeah, I guess you'd have to lean to either side.

• 1:25:53Speaker 02

  You just, I didn't think this, I think I did this wrong again.

• 1:25:55Matt McCusker?

  That's all right. Yeah, that's...

• 1:25:56Speaker 02

  It's all coming off, I think.

• 1:25:57Matt McCusker?

  Good, you caught yourself on that. I, I, but yeah, that is a... I feel bad, that's the thing, too, like, you know, cause it's... I feel bad for her. There could be a lady that has a, like, literally gigantic vagina.

• 1:26:07Speaker 02

  I think there are.

• 1:26:08Matt McCusker?

  Yeah.

• 1:26:09Speaker 02

  I've dated guys who've said that. I'm like, is that a real thing? And they're like, yeah.

• 1:26:13Matt McCusker?

  I've only ever come across one in my entire life. And it was, I was gracious about it. I was like, thank you for letting me, you know.

• 1:26:19Speaker 02

  Inside you?

• 1:26:19Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, like, thank you. You've obviously, you know, I'm in the hall of the Titans, but.

• 1:26:25Matt McCusker?

  Like, thank you for letting me in here to pal hell.

• 1:26:27Speaker 02

  And then what happened? You were just like, I'm out because you're loose puss?

• 1:26:30Matt McCusker?

  It was, there's a lot of other stuff going on.

• 1:26:31Speaker 02

  You just make it about something else.

• 1:26:33Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, I, yeah, I mean, I would just kind of just not respond, but the, um, kind of dastardly, but no, I would, I would really just be like, yeah, you know, I don't, I don't, I'd wait like a week or two and then be like, dude, I'm, you know, this just isn't.

• 1:26:44Speaker 02

  I'm so busy.

• 1:26:45Matt McCusker?

  Honestly, I'm like, oh, you're a great person, but the, the, um, yeah, you know, it's.

• 1:26:50Speaker 02

  I'm torn pretty hard. It's gonna be hard for me to like, keep this up.

• 1:26:54Matt McCusker?

  You were actually, I, I just, I need to find someone with a bigger pussy.

• 1:26:57Speaker 02

  Yeah, you're actually a little too small for me.

• 1:27:00Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, exactly. I, I like to be completely lost.

• 1:27:04Matt McCusker?

  Completely lost and disoriented, like a float tank. I just get in there and I'm like, what the fuck's going on?

• 1:27:09Speaker 02

  What's going on here?

• 1:27:09Matt McCusker?

  Start meditating. Yeah, I wish people would, the, the problem is, is like, I'll argue with my wife and then I'll come in from the shower naked and just like a tiny flaccid penis and it's like.

• 1:27:19Speaker 02

  You coming from an argument like that?

• 1:27:20Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, I walk in, I'm, I'm begging for it. I'm begging, I love to be punished, but I'm like coming in. I'll, I'll do that.

• 1:27:26Speaker 02

  You won't even like get a little thing going?

• 1:27:29Matt McCusker?

  Hmm, eh, if I have, if I have like the time to do it, if I'm like thinking about it, I mean, I'll always get a little thing. That's like.

• 1:27:34Speaker 02

  Okay, good.

• 1:27:34Matt McCusker?

  First step, but the, sometimes I'll just be like, you know, getting ready for bed and we'll like, be in that like silent zone of like huffing and puffing and I'll just like, I'll walk in and my head, I'm like, I dare you. I know she's like this fucking, look at this piece of shit. Like, and she's definitely, I know you're smiling. She's.

• 1:27:48Speaker 02

  I love when someone does that and you're like, I fucking hate you so much right now. There's no way I would ever touch you. I'd rather you go fuck a homeless person than me touch you. But is she like, sometimes she gives in because she just knows?

• 1:28:01Matt McCusker?

  What do you say, give in? I'm talking about she's mad, I'm talking about she's looking at me and, and I know she's mad at me already. So she's seeing me naked and just like my, I have like fucking pimples on my butt and a tiny flaccid penis. I know she's being like gross.

• 1:28:14Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:28:14Matt McCusker?

  But I'm like, and I'm looking at her like, say something. I fucking dare you. Are you talking about me being like, trying to parlay that into a sexual advance?

• 1:28:21Speaker 02

  Yeah. Like she's mad at you and then you come in and you're like huh?

• 1:28:25Matt McCusker?

  We gotta, we gotta be fighting really bad for it to kind of go to like sexual, it has happened.

• 1:28:32Speaker 02

  I've had sex with people where I'm like, this is almost rape, where you're like, I'm so not into this.

• 1:28:37Matt McCusker?

  I hate this.

• 1:28:37Speaker 02

  Praying for it to end.

• 1:28:39Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, yeah, that's, that also hurts a guy's ego, but the...

• 1:28:44Speaker 02

  Not enough to stop.

• 1:28:48Speaker 02

  He's like, this hurts, but I'm gonna keep going.

• 1:28:50Matt McCusker?

  That's for you guys.

• 1:28:52Speaker 02

  I'm gonna deal with that, yeah.

• 1:28:53Matt McCusker?

  That's for you guys, but I, I've always been a bit of a brat about that. If I, if like, if I'm getting like kind of maintenance sex of like, look, I know you need this, do it. I used to be very like, you're not even into it. But now I'm, I'll be gracious. I'm like, dude, thanks, you know? I know this isn't on the top of your agenda, but thanks for letting me do that. I was actually...

• 1:29:10Speaker 02

  Well, thanks for letting me masturbate with your vagina. That's kind of what that sex feels like when you're not into it. I don't know what's going on with this thing. That's what it feels like where you're like, I'm just gonna let you masturbate my pussy.

• 1:29:21Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, I still, I'll be honest though. It's like I've gotten more gracious, but there's part of me that gets resentful. It's like, seriously dude? Like you're not, you're not feeling this at all? And that's kind of, but then it's like, what a nice thing to do. So I'm kind of torn on that issue.

• 1:29:32Speaker 02

  I get it. It's also nice too, like if you are doing it from behind, you're really disconnected from it. If you could just be on your phone, doing something.

• 1:29:39Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, true.

• 1:29:39Speaker 02

  That would be like the nice part for her.

• 1:29:42Matt McCusker?

  Just watching, just real.

• 1:29:43Speaker 02

  She's just responding to emails because she has a lot to do.

• 1:29:46Matt McCusker?

  Just watching Fighter and the Kid clips.

• 1:29:50Speaker 02

  Just thinking about him. So wait, is he not doing stand-up anymore? I don't really know much about him.

• 1:29:55Matt McCusker?

  He's gonna get back into fighting. I've also, I've heard, by the way, I'm not trying to trash the guy. I think him as his, as a phenomenon, that's kind of what I'm interested in. I, I'm not, you know?

• 1:30:04Speaker 02

  I love the, first of all, I don't know him, so I don't like dislike him or anything.

• 1:30:07Matt McCusker?

  Neither.

• 1:30:07Speaker 02

  But someone sent me of videos where he's just like in podcasts, lying about stuff, and then he's on another podcast contradicting it.

• 1:30:13Matt McCusker?

  That's what happens when you have 95,000 people auditing your every word. They, you would tell you to shreds.

• 1:30:19Speaker 02

  Yeah, I think he said like he didn't grow up with dogs and then someone's like he did grow up with dogs and then he said he had a parrot and then he didn't have a parrot or something. It's just kinda great.

• 1:30:27Matt McCusker?

  It is pretty funny.

• 1:30:28Speaker 02

  I do love that. And that's what I, what I love about him is that.

• 1:30:31Matt McCusker?

  Yeah. It is a cool story. It's like he got kind of like, he was an MMA fighter, got like launched into the, you know, I would say semi-national spotlight.

• 1:30:40Speaker 02

  From MMA?

• 1:30:41Matt McCusker?

  Yes. And got, yeah, he was, he was an MMA guy. I think he knew Rogan from MMA and then he got launched into like, you know, like the role of a comedian, but just was like right at the top and just got, dude, imagine like two years in, just getting your, recording your set.

• 1:30:54Speaker 02

  They liked Gringo Poppy better than my special.

• 1:30:56Matt McCusker?

  Ah, it's probably my wife, dude.

• 1:31:02Speaker 02

  That's funny.

• 1:31:03Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, it was alright, but I just prefer the energy brought in GP.

• 1:31:07Speaker 02

  I know you're trying to hurt my feelings, but actually that made me laugh.

• 1:31:09Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, that also made me, that is like, that's one of those ones you're like, nah, nah, he's fucking with me. He's being mean. Um, but yeah, I, I I don't know what the fuck I was even talking about, but yeah, I just, I don't wanna throw shade to the shop, man, but it is, it was kind of a, uh, I've heard he's nice, I've heard he's a nice guy, but it was just a very, I think about it a lot, like, just like, how do you deal with people? They're, they're like, kind of paying for your livelihood. And part of that is them getting to say like horrible shitty things to you and it's like, it's like a dad who pays your bills and they, every now and again, they just lash at, they get, people get drunk too online. You forget, you read this stuff.

• 1:31:43Speaker 02

  True, a lot of them, that's where they get their courage.

• 1:31:45Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, or a lot of people like, they'll be blacked out. You'll like read something and be like, oh, how could somebody possibly say that? And then you get a message later, be like, bro, I blacked out, I'm so, I was hammered last night, I apologize.

• 1:31:54Speaker 02

  But that is how you truly feel.

• 1:31:58Speaker 02

  You're apologizing for sending it, but that is how you feel about me.

• 1:32:01Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, true. You exposed me to your truth and, um, I don't know, it gets weird cause then you get into the territory of like, well, you know, it's like, this is kind of, this is what I like to tell myself, like, maybe I'm just listening to something they see in themselves and they, they hate it.

• 1:32:13Speaker 02

  Yeah. That's true too. There are a lot of times they're going through shit. They need someone to take it out on.

• 1:32:18Matt McCusker?

  Yeah.

• 1:32:18Speaker 02

  That's what I like about New York City is that, like, if you're having a bad day, there are so many people to unleash your anger on.

• 1:32:24Matt McCusker?

  That's kinda nice, yeah.

• 1:32:25Speaker 02

  And everyone's just mad, so it doesn't really matter.

• 1:32:27Matt McCusker?

  I do miss that, the road rage in Philly. It was like, you could like, come up to a stop sign, someone starts to go and you're just like hanging out your window like, sir, like, fuck you, just me and just like a Muslim black lady were fighting and I'm like, this is, we never would've talked otherwise.

• 1:32:40Speaker 02

  Right, and look at it, it's bringing us together.

• 1:32:42Matt McCusker?

  We get to scream at each other.

• 1:32:43Speaker 02

  We both fucking hate each other.

• 1:32:47Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, that was, uh, I do miss that. Texas is like weirdly nice. I didn't know it would be so nice down here.

• 1:32:52Speaker 02

  Do you think that's just Austin, or you think it's?

• 1:32:54Matt McCusker?

  Could just be Austin. I've never, I've only ever been in Austin, so I don't know. But I think people are generally like a little more.

• 1:33:00Speaker 02

  A little bit slower and nicer.

• 1:33:02Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, a little dumber.

• 1:33:04Speaker 02

  Do you think, somebody said it has something to do with everyone having a gun. Like in New York, no one has a gun.

• 1:33:08Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, I agree. You can kinda pop off.

• 1:33:11Speaker 02

  Right, so here it's like, hey, we both have guns.

• 1:33:13Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, let's not.

• 1:33:14Speaker 02

  We're all gonna shoot each other.

• 1:33:15Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, that's, that's another one of my recent like just pointless fantasies I have now of like getting in a road rage altercation and just being like totally gracious and being like, dude, I fully apologize for what I just did.

• 1:33:25Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:33:26Matt McCusker?

  I'd like for us to move forward through this and just try to like really change somebody's day.

• 1:33:29Speaker 02

  My wife just fucking upset me. She just really told me something that's upsetting.

• 1:33:33Matt McCusker?

  My wife.

• 1:33:34Speaker 02

  I'm taking it out on you and you don't deserve that.

• 1:33:37Matt McCusker?

  True, that'd be nice to just trap the guy, go from road rage to being like. Dude, I don't think.

• 1:33:42Speaker 02

  I just need someone to talk to.

• 1:33:43Matt McCusker?

  I don't think my dick's that good, dude. I don't think my dick's that good and I, I don't think I'll ever be able to truly please a woman and I'm just fucking, I just wanted to go first.

• 1:33:50Speaker 02

  Can you go back to like shooting me, please? I'd actually prefer that than whatever we're doing right now.

• 1:33:55Matt McCusker?

  I think I'll be born and die and I'll truly never please a woman.

• 1:33:58Speaker 02

  Damn.

• 1:33:59Matt McCusker?

  Hurts me.

• 1:34:00Speaker 02

  There are some guys that have never pleased a woman.

• 1:34:02Matt McCusker?

  Yeah.

• 1:34:03Speaker 02

  Probably a lot.

• 1:34:04Matt McCusker?

  It's kind of a cool, but I feel like at that point you could just like wear an eye patch and just become like a poker, like you know what I mean? I think that'd be kinda cool to like, no, like I'll never, never, just become like a bad guy.

• 1:34:13Speaker 02

  You're like, I'm actually trying not to make you come, so if you feel close, let me know, I'm gonna stop.

• 1:34:17Matt McCusker?

  You're gonna mess up my mystique.

• 1:34:18Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:34:19Matt McCusker?

  But, you know, whatever, it's not all about that, I'll be honest. You know what I mean? What do you, what would you say it's all about if you had to pick a thing?

• 1:34:25Speaker 02

  It's a mix of things. You mean like making a relationship work?

• 1:34:28Matt McCusker?

  No, just in general.

• 1:34:29Speaker 02

  Like in life, what makes you happy?

• 1:34:31Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, I'm just, yeah.

• 1:34:31Speaker 02

  Money.

• 1:34:32Matt McCusker?

  You think so?

• 1:34:33Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:34:34Matt McCusker?

  Definitely money?

• 1:34:35Speaker 02

  Probably money and I guess some people you do love.

• 1:34:38Matt McCusker?

  Yeah.

• 1:34:39Speaker 02

  Those two things.

• 1:34:39Matt McCusker?

  I think you're right.

• 1:34:41Speaker 02

  Um, if you had to only pick one, I'm sure most people would just say like family that you love.

• 1:34:45Matt McCusker?

  Mm-hmm.

• 1:34:47Speaker 02

  But also money's pretty great.

• 1:34:49Matt McCusker?

  Yeah. I, I, it is, it is one of those things. I don't, I don't think it is the root of all evil. I would say it's not.

• 1:34:54Speaker 02

  No.

• 1:34:55Matt McCusker?

  And it does-

• 1:34:55Speaker 02

  I do think at some point when you have so much money and you can like control things, that's not great. But if you have just enough for yourself and-

• 1:35:01Matt McCusker?

  Pay your bills.

• 1:35:02Speaker 02

  Pay your bills and like go on vacation if you need to po- like you should have enough money to possibly have to go off the grid and-

• 1:35:08Matt McCusker?

  Yeah. I, I agree, man. I, I think there is like, the problem is, is like, once you get enough to pay your bills, go on vacation and like have a nice, normal life. The problem is, I, I would, you know, I, I've, I have that and I'll still get like miserable. And that's when I'm like, dude, I'm just fucked. And that's what I've been trying to work on that a lot. Cause it's very shitty. Cause you're like, dude, what the fuck? Nothing brings me pleasure.

• 1:35:30Speaker 02

  You might just like need to get cancer and almost die and then come back from it. So then you're like, oh shit, I do really appreciate this now. We just haven't had cancer yet.

• 1:35:38Matt McCusker?

  That's true. I am looking forward to that. That would be a total game changer.

• 1:35:42Speaker 02

  Where you're like almost gonna die and then you're like, I love life.

• 1:35:46Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, that's what I need. And I, I'm, I have a pretty-

• 1:35:48Speaker 02

  Everyone needs that.

• 1:35:49Matt McCusker?

  I think so.

• 1:35:49Speaker 02

  An almost near-death experience where you enjoy life again.

• 1:35:53Matt McCusker?

  It's a good idea. That's, that's what kind of like, you know, you can also do like a ton of mushrooms. That kind of does help. If you, if you're like wanna get completely joyful-

• 1:35:59Speaker 02

  I'm just scared of drugs cause I don't respond great to them. And I, I just think, I feel like anytime I did something crazy, like I've only smoked pot and had great and awful experiences. I think if I did mushrooms or something, I'd be like, I could fly and I know I'd fall out a window.

• 1:36:11Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, I tried to climb a water tower when I was little.

• 1:36:13Speaker 02

  Right.

• 1:36:14Matt McCusker?

  I, I, I didn't climb it. No, no, no. I mean, well, I shouldn't say little. I was like fucking 18 years old, but I, I was, you know.

• 1:36:21Speaker 02

  Younger.

• 1:36:21Matt McCusker?

  I was new boy. I was a fresh boy. People were showing me their butts in the fucking apartment.

• 1:36:25Speaker 02

  Life was really opening up for you. The opportunities that you were really getting. Between seeing guys' butts and climbing water, uh-

• 1:36:32Matt McCusker?

  I, yeah, I was like, I remember just being like on mushrooms and being like, I'm definitely gonna climb that. And my friends were like, don't, don't do that. And I was like, I couldn't comprehend the idea of like getting like her getting hurt or getting in trouble. I was like, dude, I'll get to the top. Like watch this. And they were like, dude, for real, don't.

• 1:36:46Speaker 02

  And you still did it.

• 1:36:47Matt McCusker?

  I didn't do it. Thank God. Thank fucking God.

• 1:36:48Speaker 02

  Cause that's not smart.

• 1:36:49Matt McCusker?

  No. And that's why I am a little bit nervous about that. Like, yeah, I'm, I might jump off some shit, but I try to say ground level, ground level. Say ground level.

• 1:36:56Speaker 02

  Yeah, but I think I'd probably be like, let me see if I could dart across this eight lane highway.

• 1:37:01Matt McCusker?

  Yeah.

• 1:37:01Speaker 02

  That's another thing I could see myself doing.

• 1:37:03Matt McCusker?

  Drive, I've driven them. Oh, look, I've done it. I've driven.

• 1:37:05Speaker 02

  I know, I just think I would do stupid stuff like that.

• 1:37:07Matt McCusker?

  I drove on mushrooms against my guitar teacher's advice. He was like, I told him, I was like, I'm gonna do mushrooms. He was like, sick. And he was like, don't. It's like, whatever you do.

• 1:37:15Speaker 02

  He's like, just create some cool riffs.

• 1:37:18Matt McCusker?

  He was like, whatever you do, do not drive. And I was like, Roger that. First time I did them, I was like, I wanna get out of here and just got on the road. I thought I was fine. I got on the road.

• 1:37:26Speaker 02

  I can imagine.

• 1:37:27Matt McCusker?

  Dude, it was terrifying.

• 1:37:29Speaker 02

  Yeah, I don't think that's great.

• 1:37:32Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, don't ever do that. Don't drive on mushrooms. It's not.

• 1:37:34Speaker 02

  Unless you think you could do it.

• 1:37:36Matt McCusker?

  Unless it's a microdose.

• 1:37:37Speaker 02

  Challenge yourself.

• 1:37:37Matt McCusker?

  If it's a microdose, you can do, you're fine.

• 1:37:39Speaker 02

  Does microdose help with like depression? What does microdose actually do?

• 1:37:42Matt McCusker?

  So, I, I would argue, yeah, it does. It's one of those things where it's like, uh, you take, like, point one, you're supposed to take like a sub perceptual dose. So you're not supposed to, if you're like, feeling high, it's like, it's, it's too much. Some people still do that because they're like, oh, this is better. But you take a little bit to the point where you don't really notice it as much, but you're, it, it will almost alter your thought patterns in a way where you'll be thinking differently. And then the days you're off of it, you get to kinda start to compare and be like, okay, on this day, I was presented with this situation and like, my brain, you just have like more serotonin. So you're going, all right, I, I kinda worked this problem out differently.

• 1:38:16Speaker 02

  Maybe I should try it.

• 1:38:18Matt McCusker?

  You should. I think it's a good idea, man. It's not gonna hurt. Microdosing is one of those things, and it's one of those, if like, what can happen, when I would do it initially, like, I would get nervous. Like, I'm like, oh, I'm gonna take too much and like freak out. Like, it's gonna.

• 1:38:29Speaker 02

  Yeah, I'm just worried I'm gonna freak out.

• 1:38:30Matt McCusker?

  It's just the first couple of days. You take it on like a day, you have nothing to do and like, you know, just go do stuff, walk, go for a walk. And, uh, I, I think it's good. Like, and I would go off and on. I still go off and on and on. I'm, I'm, this is my on cycle. I'm on them right now, but the.

• 1:38:41Speaker 02

  But you seem like fine.

• 1:38:43Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, it's totally fine. It really is.

• 1:38:44Speaker 02

  How long does it like last for?

• 1:38:46Matt McCusker?

  Uh, it takes about, you take it, and then like an hour later, you might start to feel like an onset. But ideally, you barely even feel it.

• 1:38:54Speaker 02

  Do you drive on it?

• 1:38:55Matt McCusker?

  Oh, big time.

• 1:38:56Speaker 02

  Oh, okay.

• 1:38:57Matt McCusker?

  I should drive Uber on them all the time.

• 1:38:58Speaker 02

  No, shh. Is it like legal to drive on it? Not what you're doing. Not whatever crazy shit you're doing.

• 1:39:05Matt McCusker?

  There, well, yeah, it is because it's like you're not gonna get breath a lot. You're not gonna be like, are you on point one of fucking golden wizards?

• 1:39:12Speaker 02

  Does golden wizards make you tell the truth where you're like, yes?

• 1:39:18Matt McCusker?

  No, you would be fine. I'm telling you, if like, if you were to take a actual, the problem is with mushrooms, they can be like five times stronger than other things. So like, but if you find a good batch.

• 1:39:28Speaker 02

  I took one edible at my friend, we were in Austin from Moon Tower. My friend, my best friend does edibles. She's like, this is actually very low.

• 1:39:35Matt McCusker?

  Yeah.

• 1:39:36Speaker 02

  And then I took it and I woke up to the ocean and it was, I was off the rails. Anytime I do it and it goes bad, I'm like in a situation where I think someone's trying to kill me or I'm dead and I need to wake myself up. I'm like in a coma.

• 1:39:49Matt McCusker?

  What did you take near the ocean? Where were you?

• 1:39:51Speaker 02

  Oh no, I heard the ocean. I was in a hotel room.

• 1:39:54Matt McCusker?

  Oh, God.

• 1:39:55Speaker 02

  Yeah, I was like.

• 1:39:57Matt McCusker?

  Edibles, dude, that's one thing people will act like, I would rather.

• 1:40:00Speaker 02

  I only took one and my friend was like, how many did you take? And I like counted them and I was like, I think I took all of them. I was like, they keep disappearing. It was like wild.

• 1:40:07Matt McCusker?

  Really?

• 1:40:08Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:40:08Matt McCusker?

  And your friend fine?

• 1:40:10Speaker 02

  My friend didn't take it. She's like, I guess by whatever the percentage was, she was like, this is a very low dose. And then I took one and I was like, I thought it was Russell Crowe and that a beautiful mind, like I'm always go towards schizophrenia.

• 1:40:23Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 1:40:23Speaker 02

  Where like, I think I'm doing one thing, but this is like reality.

• 1:40:26Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, that weed edibles can, I don't, I don't, I'd rather take, I'd honestly rather take a small amount of mushrooms than take a weed edible. They like freak me out. They get like my heart rate kinda going and I get like.

• 1:40:36Speaker 02

  It's just like, I always go to like, I'm in a mental institution. No one will tell me the truth. I'm stuck here. People are visiting me. It's like, it's, my mind is not good. One of them I thought always trying to kill me the whole night.

• 1:40:46Matt McCusker?

  Yeah.

• 1:40:47Speaker 02

  And we were staying together and we, he was going back to this Airbnb and he chose a different way. And I was like, are you gonna come in that hotel? He's like, no. I was like, but wouldn't you say you're not gonna kill me if you're gonna come? He was like, yeah, I guess that's right. And I, I went to open the door and go, he's like, don't.

• 1:41:00Speaker 02

  But I freaked him out where he got back to the Airbnb and locked the door. He's like, I don't want you trying to come in. I was like, I'm locking my door.

• 1:41:06Matt McCusker?

  He locked you in, where he locked you in or out?

• 1:41:08Speaker 02

  We had our own door, we had our own bedroom. So he locked himself in his bedroom and I locked mine out of my bedroom. Cause I was like, you might be trying to kill me. I have no idea.

• 1:41:16Matt McCusker?

  That was when you did the weed edibles last time?

• 1:41:17Speaker 02

  That was, that was another time that we, the first night we did, we smoked and it was the most fun and then it was that.

• 1:41:23Matt McCusker?

  The edibles are a whole different, yeah.

• 1:41:24Speaker 02

  That wasn't even edibles, that was regular pot. And I was like, what is this? He goes, yeah, this like makes you a little more like hypochondriac. I'm like, why wouldn't you tell me that?

• 1:41:31Matt McCusker?

  He hit you with a hypochondriac weed?

• 1:41:33Speaker 02

  I don't know, whatever it is, it was not good. I was, I was succeeding to the most on hypochondriac.

• 1:41:43Matt McCusker?

  Bro, you're swab as hell.

• 1:41:48Matt McCusker?

  I'm so, thank you so much for putting up with this. I'm trying to, I'm like, yeah, taking mushrooms is sick. Here's my fucking setup sucks.

• 1:41:58Matt McCusker?

  Sorry. Yeah, I think we did it. What else? Yo, for real, thank you so much. Let's log, let's log off.

• 1:42:05Speaker 02

  Okay.

• 1:42:06Matt McCusker?

  You absolutely did it.

• 1:42:09Speaker 02

  I'm like eating.

• 1:42:12Matt McCusker?

  Dude, for real, thank you for so much for doing this.

• 1:42:14Speaker 02

  Women are so stupid.

• 1:42:16Matt McCusker?

  I for real thank you, Rule. I'm, I'm very happy you did this.

• 1:42:19Speaker 02

  Me too, and I hope everyone doesn't hate me on your podcast. But if they do, it's like not my problem.

• 1:42:23Matt McCusker?

  I got a good sixth sense, dude. I got a good sixth sense. And I would say, I would say they'll say, welcome to the halls of Amenta.

• 1:42:28Speaker 02

  I hope so.

• 1:42:29Matt McCusker?

  They'll say, absolute, they'll say the dark queen has arrived, dude.

• 1:42:32Speaker 02

  Go watch the dark queen, go get upset.

• 1:42:34Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, watch the dark queen. These guys aren't gonna get upset. These guys are fucking patriots.

• 1:42:37Speaker 02

  This is my fanbase probably.

• 1:42:38Matt McCusker?

  I think it might be, honestly. I think you might have found your.

• 1:42:41Speaker 02

  Just trash people. I'm also garbage, so it makes sense.

• 1:42:44Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, you're about to get tapped into the worst dudes ever.

• 1:42:47Speaker 02

  I have dated a guy from Philly. I'm already there. I know, I know what that's like.

• 1:42:50Matt McCusker?

  No, they're very, they're, my, my online family are fiercely loyal, dude.

• 1:42:54Speaker 02

  I know.

• 1:42:54Matt McCusker?

  My energized communities, it waits you, dude.

• 1:42:56Speaker 02

  I love it.

• 1:42:58Matt McCusker?

  But no, dude, thank you for doing this. You're cool as fuck.

• 1:43:00Speaker 02

  Thank you for having me. It was a lot of fun, despite this thing.

• 1:43:02Matt McCusker?

  Well, I'd, um, we're going to a lot of mics. Guys, go to Netflix, watch The Dark Queen. Thank you. Do you have, you have like a website or tickets or anything?

• 1:43:09Speaker 02

  Oh yeah, go check me out on, uh, Instagram, Adrian Appalucci. Come see me on the road. I'm gonna go do some gigs with Ari, January, February, March.

• 1:43:18Matt McCusker?

  Right on.

• 1:43:19Speaker 02

  And I have some of my own headlining deets, so go come out.

• 1:43:23Matt McCusker?

  All right. Love you guys.