The Horny Hotline w/ Joe DeRosa | Your Mom's House Ep. 873

SPONSORS: Enjoy the refreshing citrus kick of Mountain Dew, an American Original. Tasting Great Since ’48. Look for Mountain Dew in stores near you at https://mountaindew.com Join Wayfair Rewards today to get 5% back on every purchase and start saving on your next home upgrade. Head to https://www.wayfair.com to shop all things home. Sign up for your free trial at https://shopify.com/ymh Go check out Joe DeRosa's "I Never Promised You A Rose Garden" special now on Netflix! This week, Christina P holds down the Mommy Dome with one of your new stepdads, Joe DeRosa, whose Netflix special I Never Promised You a Rose Garden is streaming now! They open with a man who hand-washes his underwear and dries it in the microwave, which spirals into a briefs vs. boxers debate, Joe's 24-hour road-clothing system, and Christina's divorce-year regimen: ripping darts, Florida-style white wine, thin crust Domino's every day, and depression-eating full KFC family buckets while Joe defends the biscuits. Joe also answers for his viral Madonna rant, and the two get into how stars should age gracefully, Phil Collins' office chair, Axl Rose's throne, Iggy Pop climbing out of a coffin at Coachella, Catherine Deneuve, Cyndi Lauper, and the de-aged Robert De Niro kicking scene in The Irishman. Then the real business: finding Christina a new man. The candidates include an asexual lawyer running for California Secretary of State, inmates filming prison dating videos, and the brand-new horny hotline, where suitors like Terry, the cat guy, depressed Justin from Pennsylvania, and front-runner John the Poet make their case. Christina also opens her DMs to review the avalanche of offers that followed her TMZ announcement. Plus teeth-fixing barters, a long tongue in menacing red light, Big Al's pool sandwiches, and one well-manicured goodnight guy who restores their faith in humanity. Plus: Kevin Smith universe friendships, You've Got Mail vs. Sleepless in Seattle, High Fidelity and record store dreams, and Joe's rules for approaching the freshly divorced. Enjoy! Your Mom’s House Ep. 873 https://tomsegura.com/tourhttps://christinap.com/https://store.ymhstudios.comhttps://www.reddit.com/r/yourmomshousepodcast Chapters 00:00:00 - Intro00:06:49 - Opening Clip: Microwave Underwear Guy00:17:16 - Weed, Daily Domino's & Sadboi KFC00:23:26 - Carb Fights & The New Mexico Chipotle Story00:29:43 - Madonna, Phil Collins, Iggy Pop, & De-Aging00:39:12 - Danny Elfman, Linda Perry & Joe's Sitcom Cut Story00:42:48 - The Asexual Attorney00:48:40 - Gamer vs. Silly Gamer Clip00:50:24 - Prison Suitors: Inmate Dating Videos00:58:22 - The Horny Hotline: Courting Christina01:04:18 - High Fidelity, You've Got Mail & Record Stores Joe Dreams About01:15:06 - John The Poet01:17:12 - What Actually Matters In A Partner According To Joe DeRosa01:30:02 - More Hotline Calls01:32:51 - Christina Opens Her DMs01:44:32 - Christina's TikTok Curations01:53:51 - Wrap Up Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Speaker names marked ? are inferred from speaking time and the show’s known hosts — they are not voice-verified.

• 0:01Speaker 00

  Welcome, welcome to Your Mom's House.

• 0:11Speaker 01

  Does checking your bank statements feel like digging through a dusty attic full of forgotten subscriptions and old free trials?

• 0:20Speaker 01

  Experian can help take the pain out of canceling by handling it for you. Think of it as Operation Get Your Sanity Back. Over 200 subscriptions are cancelable. So get started in the Experian app and see how much you could save. Results will vary. Not all subscriptions eligible. Savings not guaranteed. Paid membership with connected payment account required. See experian.com for details.

• 0:41Christina Pazsitzky?

  Hello, welcome to Your Mom's House. I am your host Christina P. And with me is one of your new step dads, Joe DeRosa, everybody.

• 0:50Speaker 03

  How you doing?

• 0:51Christina Pazsitzky?

  I'm excited for you. Your Netflix special comes out today.

• 0:54Speaker 03

  It's out already.

• 0:55Christina Pazsitzky?

  Congrats. It's I heard it's doing well. I heard you're crushing.

• 0:58Speaker 03

  I hear it's number one.

• 1:01Speaker 03

  Well, it was at number one. You guys missed it. You missed it. It was at number one a couple of days ago.

• 1:06Christina Pazsitzky?

  Amazing.

• 1:07Speaker 03

  Thank you. It's it's kind of wild to um, because I did the we it released a year ago on um, my YouTube and it was a real grassroots thing. My cousin Jeff EP'd it and put up the money and we hired an amazing crew, Eric Abrams and Jordan Levy.

• 1:25Christina Pazsitzky?

  No, Eric, yeah, you did my, did you do my first one?

• 1:28Speaker 03

  Matt Schuler, all the.

• 1:29Christina Pazsitzky?

  Schuler, oh, I love Matt Schuler, yeah.

• 1:31Speaker 03

  Yeah, all the, all the dogs. And then my, my um, my management team, Forza, Emilio Scott, Nick, Claire, were all involved and they have a record label. So Scott did pinch records and Scott did all the audio. It was a very like family affair and everybody worked extra hard and and at more than fair rates so we could get it done on a, on a very shoestring budget. And I was very proud of it and I was, I directed it and I was, it was really a.

• 1:59Christina Pazsitzky?

  That's a lot to direct and star in your own special.

• 2:03Speaker 03

  That's why Eric Abrams is the best. Yeah. Because he's the guy, it's the second time I've worked with him where I directed my special and, and I had him around to help me kind of just, you know, he does other stuff too as a producer, but I mean, he's the, he's the guy to have. When you're like, here's the vision, here's what we're doing. He gets it and you go, I'm not going to be able to see any of it. And he knows like, he's like, we got it, we got what you need, you know? So he's the best. But anyway, um, he uh, they're all great. And anyway, to put it out and for it to get such nice support from the comedy community, both, both the people that watched it and other comedians, was really amazing.

• 2:44Speaker 03

  And then um, for that to go to Netflix is a very odd thing.

• 2:49Christina Pazsitzky?

  It's the best.

• 2:49Speaker 03

  It feels like, you know, like you made a little indie movie or something.

• 2:53Christina Pazsitzky?

  And then you win in the end.

• 2:55Speaker 03

  And also too, like, we're all, you know, I think a lot of us feel really inspired by watching what these guys just did with Backrooms and Obsession. And um, you know, they made these labors of, of love and they went on to be such successes. And, and I'm a huge horror movie fan. And those movies came out for me at the right time when I needed to see, as we all see AI kind of taking over and, and uh, and you know, content creation just out of control and this structure of this industry that we all kind of started under not there anymore.

• 3:31Christina Pazsitzky?

  So great. Thank God it's not there anymore. Isn't that great that you can just like have talent and do it your way? And then, hey, man, guess what? Turns out you're fucking funny.

• 3:41Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 3:41Christina Pazsitzky?

  Now Netflix picks you. Are you okay? You're setting my shit on fire?

• 3:44Speaker 03

  I kicked a cord, I think it's fine.

• 3:46Christina Pazsitzky?

  Oh.

• 3:46Speaker 03

  Sorry.

• 3:47Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah, it's good for you, you know? It's, that's how it, it should be done.

• 3:51Speaker 03

  Well, and those guys too, like, it's like, it's cool to see somebody use the industry in a way that it was supposed to be used, where it wasn't always supposed to just be, it got to a point, I'm not knocking any of it, like, I, I watch popcorn movies all the time. But like, it got to a point where all it was, was like the superhero stuff and Star Wars, whatever. And they were wall to wall cast with like massive celebrities, you know? You go to see, and I'm not knocking the Marvel movies, uh, but it's like you go to see a new Marvel movie and it's like 20 of the most famous people.

• 4:27Christina Pazsitzky?

  I know.

• 4:28Speaker 03

  And you kind of start to feel like, well, I don't have a shot to do any of this. So when you see somebody do something indie, like Obsession, with people that aren't known and it gets picked up and then it's so successful, you go, oh, wait, you can, that is still possible. You can still do it.

• 4:43Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah, dude, you know who I loved the most in the 90s was Kevin Smith? When he would do like Clerks? And then I got to do a pilot with him like 10 or 15 years ago.

• 4:52Speaker 03

  That's cool.

• 4:53Christina Pazsitzky?

  And you're like, that's the way, it's still too low. Hold on, meow, meow, meow, okay. Anyway, I fix it.

• 5:00Speaker 03

  That's the way.

• 5:01Christina Pazsitzky?

  And you're like, that's how people would do it. You would just find a fucking way to make a movie and you hope for the best. And if it's good, people notice and that's how it goes.

• 5:10Speaker 03

  You know what's so funny? Um, because of the Impractical Jokers.

• 5:15Christina Pazsitzky?

  Ah, love those guys.

• 5:17Speaker 03

  Who are another great example of it, right? You know, Sal and I became very close and through Sal Q and I became very close. Uh, I'm very good friends with Joe and, and Mur and you know, the um,

• 5:33Speaker 03

  but through, oh, because of Kevin Smith, sorry. Because Q, who has a podcast called Tell Him Steve, Dave. And then through Q, I started to become friends with Brian Johnson and a bunch of guys from Ming and these guys from the Kevin Smith universe.

• 5:48Christina Pazsitzky?

  I love it.

• 5:48Speaker 03

  That I watched and I would always be like, I feel like I should be friends with those guys.

• 5:53Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah.

• 5:54Speaker 03

  Kevin Smith's friends are my friends. They just don't know me yet. And then you become friends with them and.

• 5:59Christina Pazsitzky?

  It's crazy.

• 6:00Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 6:00Christina Pazsitzky?

  It's crazy. Well, listen, we're getting all over the place. We haven't even opened the show properly because I'm, I'm just so excited to see you. You know, I love you.

• 6:08Speaker 03

  I love you.

• 6:08Christina Pazsitzky?

  And I'm so happy you're here. What are you drinking? What is that, coffee?

• 6:12Speaker 03

  It's just coffee. This is one of the only times I'm the person not drinking.

• 6:17Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah, what's, I mean, look, mom's in her divorce year. I'm gonna be ripping darts and drinking the whole fucking time. Come on.

• 6:22Speaker 03

  And you're drinking the, the most.

• 6:25Christina Pazsitzky?

  What am I drinking?

• 6:27Speaker 03

  Well, I was gonna say, I've drank around you a few times.

• 6:30Christina Pazsitzky?

  Hmm.

• 6:30Speaker 03

  You've, you've been ready, you've been drinking like a divorcee since I met you.

• 6:35Christina Pazsitzky?

  Oh, thank you.

• 6:37Speaker 03

  I don't mean the amount, it's always white wine. White wine is the drink of a woman going through a divorce.

• 6:42Christina Pazsitzky?

  Well, and I learned from my in-laws, my former in-laws, but I still talk to them, obviously, they're still my in-laws in my heart. Um, I drink it Florida style, which is with a lot of ice in it so that you can take your time with the chillness of the wine. Yeah, I've just been drinking a lot.

• 6:57Speaker 03

  That's okay.

• 6:58Christina Pazsitzky?

  I feel like I have a year of just like alcoholism and, and smoking, right? Don't I get a year?

• 7:05Speaker 03

  You, we were talking about this before the pod. Trust me, you can do it way more than a year.

• 7:12Christina Pazsitzky?

  I don't know, I'm 50, I can't.

• 7:14Speaker 03

  Been married and I'm going strong.

• 7:16Christina Pazsitzky?

  Okay. Well, here you go, you're a single guy. Tell me if, uh, let's, let's, let's start the show. Here we go. This one, this one is for you because you're, you live that single life, like me now. Oh, my God. This could be my next boyfriend. Here we go.

• 7:31Speaker 04

  To any woman that ever wants to live with me, there's a bad habit I have. When I run out of clothing, I'll wash my underwears by hand and then I'll put them in the microwave to fucking dry off. It works.

• 7:48Speaker 03

  Here, Dad.

• 7:49Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah.

• 7:55Speaker 03

  I'll put these back on.

• 7:56Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah.

• 8:09Christina Pazsitzky?

  What?

• 8:15Christina Pazsitzky?

  This is what happens when Annie's not here. What is happening?

• 8:20Christina Pazsitzky?

  She's just doing funny cuts.

• 8:23Christina Pazsitzky?

  Oh, okay. Meow, meow, meow, meow. It's Joe DeRosa. He is mad about stuff all the time.

• 8:34Speaker 03

  I'm trying to get better at that.

• 8:35Christina Pazsitzky?

  Gets irked. Can I say something?

• 8:38Speaker 03

  Sure.

• 8:40Christina Pazsitzky?

  I don't think it's that big of a deal to hand wash your panties and my, but I was too, I've done that many a time on the road, you know? Like on, I did on this fucking last trip to the UK for a month. I was hand washing my undies.

• 8:50Speaker 03

  Because you ran out.

• 8:51Christina Pazsitzky?

  You ran out of clean ones and then I was hand washing them in the hotel and then I would hang them um, out on the balcony, like, like, like a Hungarian mop.

• 9:02Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 9:03Christina Pazsitzky?

  But um, I never thought to microwave them and I feel stupid that I never did.

• 9:08Speaker 03

  That sounds, there's elastic in underwear for men, like that, doesn't the microwave ruin that?

• 9:16Christina Pazsitzky?

  Wow. Just blew my mind. I didn't even think about that.

• 9:19Speaker 03

  I mean, I wear, I'm a briefs man, which I get a lot of shit for.

• 9:22Christina Pazsitzky?

  Like the tighty whities?

• 9:24Speaker 03

  Never white briefs. I buy colored jockey briefs.

• 9:28Christina Pazsitzky?

  Let's bring them up.

• 9:29Speaker 03

  Like jockey.

• 9:30Christina Pazsitzky?

  I never pegged you. I thought boxers for sure.

• 9:33Speaker 03

  Nobody's pegged me.

• 9:36Speaker 03

  It's probably not far off.

• 9:38Christina Pazsitzky?

  Bring up his chonies.

• 9:40Speaker 03

  Those are boxer briefs, but like the, well, no, no, no, like not those.

• 9:45Christina Pazsitzky?

  Those are way gay, dude.

• 9:47Speaker 03

  I don't do those.

• 9:48Christina Pazsitzky?

  Those are super gay.

• 9:49Speaker 03

  I'll show you the ones I do. If you go, see that one right there with the stripes? I don't wear this. I don't wear the striped ones, but that style in solid colors. It's got the black band. Those are the ones I wear.

• 9:59Christina Pazsitzky?

  Those are dignified. I thoroughly authorize that. I give you permission.

• 10:03Speaker 03

  They're great. I don't, I can't wear boxers. They're, that's insane.

• 10:08Christina Pazsitzky?

  Why? I thought guys liked it. Oh, my junk can breathe. They're too tight.

• 10:12Speaker 03

  There's no support. It's crazy.

• 10:14Christina Pazsitzky?

  Do you need that when you're older? I feel like the younger gents may not.

• 10:19Speaker 03

  I feel like I, the support, I don't know, it just feels good, but also the, um, boxers, it's like they're riding up in your pants. They're, they're not comfortable. And then boxer briefs I hate because they'll wrap around your, you know, they wrap to your leg. But as the day goes on, it's like any other article of clothing, they start to get looser. And then those are riding up your leg and then they're supposed to be elastic. So now it's like, you feel like you got this loose rubber band around your leg. It's just not comfortable.

• 10:49Christina Pazsitzky?

  I see what you're saying because as a woman that wears women's panties, the thought of all that fabric under my pants and stuff is just counter, it's counterproductive and counterintuitive. And now have you ever hand washed your chonies on the road?

• 11:03Speaker 03

  No, that I don't understand why he, cause he's not specifying on the road. He's just saying, he, why is he hand washing his underwear?

• 11:10Christina Pazsitzky?

  Cause he can. I don't know.

• 11:12Speaker 03

  What is happening in his underwear that he needs to give it a scrub?

• 11:16Christina Pazsitzky?

  That's a good point. And what's in his ears? Are those Bluetooths?

• 11:20Speaker 03

  Yeah, those are his earbuds, pods.

• 11:23Christina Pazsitzky?

  I don't like how those look at all.

• 11:27Speaker 03

  I mean, he looks like a clean guy. He looks well kept.

• 11:29Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah.

• 11:29Speaker 03

  So I don't think he's gross.

• 11:31Christina Pazsitzky?

  No.

• 11:31Speaker 03

  I just don't get, and also why the microwave? Why not just toss them in the dryer for 30 minutes?

• 11:37Christina Pazsitzky?

  Well, he doesn't have a washer and dryer. That's what he's saying. Like if I had a washer and dryer in the hotel, I would have done that too. But like, dude, desperate time. Have you guys not done this? Hasn't everybody hand washed their underwear and then?

• 11:49Speaker 03

  I overpack, every trip I overpack underwear and socks.

• 11:54Christina Pazsitzky?

  Same.

• 11:56Speaker 03

  Because I'm like, just in case. So I never, I've never run out on the road. And if I'm going to be somewhere more than two weeks or something,

• 12:06Speaker 03

  where I need more than 14 or 15 pairs of underwear.

• 12:09Christina Pazsitzky?

  I was gone for a month.

• 12:10Speaker 03

  Yeah. Then I just figure out like, I'm going to have to do a wash somehow, like a, like a wash, wash.

• 12:16Christina Pazsitzky?

  Okay. But guys in the booth, please tell me you've hand washed your underwear like everyone.

• 12:20Speaker 05

  I don't know if I have.

• 12:21Christina Pazsitzky?

  Shut up. You're a frat boy, Josh. Come on.

• 12:24Speaker 05

  I mean, that's the truth. It's like, I'd probably just wear them kind of dirty.

• 12:27Christina Pazsitzky?

  You do turn them inside out at least?

• 12:29Speaker 05

  It's a good move. It's a good move. I don't think I'm organized enough to go, okay, these are dirty. Let me wash them and dry them. I'm like, oh, they're dirty. I'm throwing them on.

• 12:38Christina Pazsitzky?

  Nayana, please tell me you've done this as a woman.

• 12:40Speaker 06

  No, I don't think I have. I think even when I've taken like two week long trips, I literally bring 14 pairs of underwear.

• 12:50Speaker 03

  There's also, I also have a system on the road to make sure I don't run out.

• 12:57Christina Pazsitzky?

  Well, yeah.

• 12:58Speaker 03

  So my system is I shower bef, right, right before nightly thing. Let's show. Right before I shower. So I'm, I'm leaving for that show at 8:00 PM.

• 13:10Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah.

• 13:11Speaker 03

  Squeaky clean.

• 13:12Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah.

• 13:13Speaker 03

  Next morning, T-shirt from the night and underwear and socks from the night serve as the bum around daytime underwear and socks.

• 13:21Christina Pazsitzky?

  Your performance shirt, the shirt you performed in?

• 13:24Speaker 03

  Yeah. Cause I'll, I'll usually perform in a T-shirt. So I go, okay, the T-shirt for Thursday night show.

• 13:30Christina Pazsitzky?

  Is Friday's.

• 13:31Speaker 03

  Is the T-shirt for Friday morning.

• 13:33Christina Pazsitzky?

  Makes sense.

• 13:33Speaker 03

  Whatever.

• 13:34Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah.

• 13:34Speaker 03

  And then I get cleaned up again. So I'm getting 24 hours of use out of everything.

• 13:39Christina Pazsitzky?

  That's really smart.

• 13:41Speaker 03

  You know? Yeah.

• 13:42Christina Pazsitzky?

  I've never done that.

• 13:43Speaker 03

  It works great.

• 13:44Christina Pazsitzky?

  Well, I've decided to wear like my travel pants, the pants you fly in. Those can be my daytime pants when I'm walking around the hotel and then I can fly home in the day, the flight pants.

• 13:54Speaker 03

  I do that too.

• 13:55Christina Pazsitzky?

  Wow.

• 13:55Speaker 03

  I do that too.

• 13:56Christina Pazsitzky?

  Okay.

• 13:56Speaker 03

  But I also bring another pair for daytime.

• 14:01Speaker 03

  The flying pants

• 14:04Speaker 03

  serve as trip in and trip home pants. And then during the day, if I have to run down to the lobby or something like that, I bring another pair where I'm like, these are clean.

• 14:16Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 14:17Speaker 03

  These are my daytime pants.

• 14:18Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah. Hotel pants.

• 14:19Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 14:20Christina Pazsitzky?

  But I don't really leave the room. Like I don't even, I try not to leave the room to eat. That's how sad I am on the road. Like I'm a shut in. I just sleep all day and order food to the room.

• 14:30Speaker 03

  Yeah. I, I've done that.

• 14:32Speaker 05

  This time of year always brings up memories of when summer felt much simpler and sweeter. Whether that makes you think of entire days spent outdoors or taking road trips, those iconic moments call for an iconic drink and that drink is America's own Mountain Dew. Hailing from the hills of Tennessee, its citrus kick is the perfect companion to whatever adventures your own personal wet, hot, American summer may entail. Whether I'm hanging out on the beach or taking my boys out on the boat, there's never a bad time to pop a top on a Mountain Dew. It's been that way since two brothers had a dream back in 1948. Times may have changed, but that same great taste of the mountains remains the same. And whether you're spending the summer around the grill or at the beach or on the couch, sipping

• 15:14Speaker 05

  on a Mountain Dew is the best way to kick off a damn good time. Nothing says summer like Mountain Dew. I love sitting by the water and just drinking one on a very sweaty, humid day. Enjoy the refreshing citrus kick of Mountain Dew, an American original tasting great since 48.

• 15:32Christina Pazsitzky?

  It's finally almost that time of year where I get to stop pretending to enjoy the summertime and get back to embracing the darkness while retreating into moody spaces where I actually feel at home. Wayfair is here to save you from wasting your time and money on flimsy furniture that looks nothing like the listing online. With autumn on the horizon, there's no better place to furnish your space with furniture that's built to last than Wayfair. I've ordered so many pieces from Wayfair. I just ordered a coffee table, a nice sturdy, deep, moody one, a bunch of candles, a bunch of decorations for fall. It's fantastic. I cannot get enough

• 16:13Christina Pazsitzky?

  of Wayfair. There are over 20 million verified five star reviews from other shoppers who love Wayfair as much as I do. Plus with Wayfair Verified, their dedicated team of product specialists vet the quality of materials, features and overall functionality. So you don't have to. It's time to get intentional about upgrading your space without breaking the bank. Join Wayfair Rewards today to get 5% back on every purchase and start saving on your next home upgrade. Head to wayfair.com to shop all things home. That's W A Y F A I R dot com. Wayfair, every style, every home. Wayfair, every style, every home.

• 17:01Speaker 03

  Yeah. I, I find it helps me greatly to, to just get out. I never want to, but then I get out, I start walking around, I get a coffee, I eat somewhere and I'm like, you know what? I feel way better about today.

• 17:15Christina Pazsitzky?

  I know. And I know you're right. And it's good for you to see sunshine and stuff, but like, like when you're, I don't know. I don't know. I know. You're right. I should. It's better for your mental health. Cause then you don't just feel like a monkey that they pull out and then you have to like dance and then you go back to your sad hotel room. It's so depressing. Listen, violent, horrendous. I've been seeing the clips. You're fucking amazing.

• 17:38Speaker 03

  Oh, that's sweet. Thanks.

• 17:39Christina Pazsitzky?

  I love how angry you are about things that nobody is mad about. And here, hold on, let's play this and just see how you feel. Okay. Put your shit on, ready, bro?

• 17:48Speaker 03

  Put it on.

• 17:49Christina Pazsitzky?

  All right. Let's see how you, how this makes you.

• 18:15Christina Pazsitzky?

  Just like, let me lay the fuck down. I'm tired.

• 18:19Speaker 03

  You're gonna get me in, you're gonna get me in trouble again.

• 18:22Christina Pazsitzky?

  Why? In trouble for what?

• 18:23Speaker 03

  Last time I was here, not the last time, the last time I was here with you, I think was when the stupid fucking weed clip.

• 18:35Christina Pazsitzky?

  Oh, my God. By the way, you're gonna hate me so much. I've changed my whole perspective on weed.

• 18:41Speaker 03

  That's fine.

• 18:42Christina Pazsitzky?

  No, I started just a little bit because I can't smoke a lot because it freaks me out. But just a tiny little hit, Joe DeRosa, can change your whole life.

• 18:50Speaker 03

  Look, I was a massive, massive weed enthusiast for many years. I used to smoke it every day.

• 18:57Christina Pazsitzky?

  Oh.

• 18:58Speaker 03

  But something happened during COVID. When I got into my 20, later twenties and then thirties is when I started to go, yeah, this isn't working very well for me anymore. But I still could dabble a little bit, little hit, low dose edible.

• 19:14Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah, those freak me out.

• 19:15Speaker 03

  During COVID, I had, I had, I had, there were three drugs I did during COVID that I go, that's it. It was weed was one. My brain was like, you, this is not working for you anymore, man. Doesn't matter how little you're doing, your brain is going to a bad place with it, which is fine. Molly mushroom.

• 19:35Christina Pazsitzky?

  Alone during COVID, like in your apartment?

• 19:38Speaker 03

  No, I had like, I was like with my little COVID.

• 19:40Christina Pazsitzky?

  Your, your circle.

• 19:41Speaker 03

  Yeah. And, uh, and I just was like, they're not working for me anymore. I wish, I'd really do it. And I know the people that sent me all the hate letters about weed will not, will be surprised to hear this. I wish I could enjoy it again. I don't have any problem with it.

• 19:59Christina Pazsitzky?

  Let me tell you something.

• 20:00Speaker 03

  My only problem with it is that people just say it's not a substance. I'm like, well, it's a substance.

• 20:03Christina Pazsitzky?

  It is a substance, but, but, but here's the thing. Are you 50 yet?

• 20:07Speaker 03

  Um, I turned 49. As of this recording, I turn 49 tomorrow.

• 20:11Christina Pazsitzky?

  Oh, happy birthday.

• 20:13Speaker 03

  Yeah, it's tomorrow.

• 20:14Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah, I think you should pick it up in your 50s again and just see where it goes. Cause like, I'm trying everything now. I'm eating Domino's every day. I'm smoking cigarettes every day. It's a whole new world.

• 20:24Speaker 03

  Why Domino's?

• 20:25Christina Pazsitzky?

  Oh, my God. It's, okay, here's why Domino's. Um, it's consistent. Every time I order it, it's exactly the same.

• 20:33Speaker 03

  Okay.

• 20:33Christina Pazsitzky?

  And it comes hot, delicious. It's, it tastes, I like the thin crust supreme. And it's got all the toppings that I like. I love protein meats.

• 20:42Speaker 03

  Yep.

• 20:42Christina Pazsitzky?

  And, um, I don't feel like such a fat ass because it's a thin crust.

• 20:46Speaker 03

  Yep. All right.

• 20:47Christina Pazsitzky?

  Um, and it just hits the spot. Like, you know, when you don't feel like eating, but you're like, I could go for pizza. You can always go for pizza when you don't want to eat.

• 20:54Speaker 03

  Yeah. No, I hear you. I hear you. People love Domino's.

• 20:58Christina Pazsitzky?

  And it's sweet. It's like a children's, like it's, it's not an adult. I will admit that it's not an adult's selection. I should be liking better pizza and I'm completely aware.

• 21:08Speaker 03

  Right.

• 21:09Christina Pazsitzky?

  Who gives a fuck? I like shit. I like trash. Oh, oh, can I tell you what I've been doing too?

• 21:13Speaker 03

  Sure.

• 21:13Christina Pazsitzky?

  Okay. I also get a buffalo sauce. This is how I've been like diversifying the order.

• 21:17Speaker 03

  Okay.

• 21:18Christina Pazsitzky?

  The buffalo sauce and then a ranch, and then I alternate between the two dipping flavors.

• 21:25Christina Pazsitzky?

  I know it's so good. Don't stop.

• 21:28Speaker 03

  No, no, no. Do you. It's fine. I, I like, I, we all have our thing like that.

• 21:32Christina Pazsitzky?

  Well, what's your thing?

• 21:34Speaker 03

  Uh, I love fast food.

• 21:36Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah.

• 21:36Speaker 03

  And I have to really watch myself because I'll eat it too much. But of all the fast foods, my big indulgent one where I'm like, especially if I'm sad.

• 21:47Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah. Oh, yeah.

• 21:48Speaker 03

  Uh, I go KFC and I go hard.

• 21:52Christina Pazsitzky?

  KFC when you're sad? Dude, fried chicken, there's nothing. And like KFC specifically.

• 21:58Speaker 03

  I go hard. And, and now that I live in Austin, many people of the South will say, why would you get KFC? When you can get, you know, Bertha's, whatever the fuck, you know, or someplace like that.

• 22:08Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah, no.

• 22:08Speaker 03

  And, uh, I go, it just hits, it just hits in a way I need it to. But I get, I get, I'll get a family meal. I get, I get a full bucket because there's something about the chicken being in the bucket.

• 22:19Christina Pazsitzky?

  Oh, you're right.

• 22:20Speaker 03

  Versus the box.

• 22:22Christina Pazsitzky?

  Huh. You're right. You're right. Cause it like marinates and the juices and the grease and the smells.

• 22:27Speaker 03

  There's just something about it. It reminds me of being a kid, like a bucket of chicken. That's a very like eighties thing.

• 22:35Speaker 03

  Yeah. And I get, those are my three sides. I get large mashed potato, large corn, large coleslaw. I don't eat the biscuits because they just get in the way.

• 22:42Christina Pazsitzky?

  Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Hold on. This is where you and I agree to disagree because I think, I'm just gonna say it. The mashed potato with the gravy sucks. It's always sucked, but I'll still eat it. The corn, whatever. I fucking hate coleslaw, no matter what iteration. The biscuits, fucking, they fuck. Is it what the kids say? The biscuits at KFC are so good. I can't believe you don't, have you ever tried them with honey? Like, are you just not?

• 23:07Speaker 03

  No, no, no. I, I, I think they taste good. I don't.

• 23:10Christina Pazsitzky?

  So what are you doing?

• 23:11Speaker 03

  I have chicken to eat. Like, I'm eating so much chicken. Like, I'm like, I want nothing standing in the way of the chicken and the sides and a piece of bread, especially a biscuit, which is a heavy piece of bread.

• 23:24Christina Pazsitzky?

  This is stupidity.

• 23:25Speaker 03

  It gets, it, it takes up space that I don't have room for.

• 23:28Christina Pazsitzky?

  Okay. Can I tell you something? The problem is, you're not Eastern European and you're not black because we fucking know this. You have to sop up the grease. My father taught me this when you're eating like heavy greasy Hungarian food, like sausages. You must soak up the grease. So how are you not soaking grease? Either you drink alcohol, you can have wine with it.

• 23:47Speaker 03

  Well, the, the, I always found the breading on the chicken kind of sopped up the grease, even though it's filled with grease.

• 23:53Christina Pazsitzky?

  It's all grease.

• 23:53Speaker 03

  But it's already sopped up the grease.

• 23:57Speaker 03

  It's like, look, I, I grew up Italian and a big thing in, in Italian eating is to take a hunk of bread.

• 24:05Christina Pazsitzky?

  Oh, yeah.

• 24:05Speaker 03

  And do the sauce. Also pasta is obviously a big part of Italian food.

• 24:10Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah.

• 24:10Speaker 03

  I'm like, get it out of my way. I want as much meat as I can possibly eat. I will eat the remainder of my sauce with a spoon, like soup.

• 24:21Christina Pazsitzky?

  Wow.

• 24:22Speaker 03

  That's what I want. And I, and I, it's not that I dislike the other things.

• 24:26Christina Pazsitzky?

  No, you hate it.

• 24:26Speaker 03

  They fill me too quickly.

• 24:29Christina Pazsitzky?

  You're hating against carbs. It's.

• 24:32Speaker 03

  I love.

• 24:32Christina Pazsitzky?

  Carbobic.

• 24:33Speaker 03

  My, my one, my one major carb intake with bread is sandwiches are my favorite food. So I eat, I eat, that'll do.

• 24:41Christina Pazsitzky?

  I hate sandwiches. I'm sorry to say this.

• 24:43Speaker 03

  You hate sandwiches?

• 24:44Christina Pazsitzky?

  Fucking hate them.

• 24:45Speaker 03

  Why?

• 24:46Christina Pazsitzky?

  Because it's too much bread. Now, this is the irony. Is you're like, oh, it's too, the irony is, Joe DeRosa, is like, oh, I don't eat biscuits because it's too much bread, but sandwiches are just half bread and then bullshit in between.

• 24:59Speaker 03

  Let me be clear. I'm not saying biscuits are too much bread. I'm saying when I'm trying to depression eat through a bucket of chicken, it's taking up too much space.

• 25:07Christina Pazsitzky?

  Okay.

• 25:08Speaker 03

  I eat biscuits other times. I get biscuits and gravy all the time at breakfast. Like, I love biscuits. I'm just saying with KFC, I don't have time right now. I have other work to do.

• 25:19Christina Pazsitzky?

  So my children have never had KFC. We were in Albuquerque, which is like the meth capital of America.

• 25:25Speaker 03

  Yeah, I know. I spent a lot of time there doing Better Call Saul.

• 25:29Christina Pazsitzky?

  Oh, what?

• 25:30Speaker 03

  Yeah. We shot in New Mexico.

• 25:32Christina Pazsitzky?

  I fucking love Better Call Saul.

• 25:33Speaker 03

  Yeah. Albuquerque.

• 25:34Christina Pazsitzky?

  Oh, that's right.

• 25:36Speaker 03

  When you hear a funny story?

• 25:37Christina Pazsitzky?

  Always. I love that show.

• 25:40Speaker 03

  One time they brought me out and for whatever reason, I had to go like two days early before I shot. They usually would just bring me out the night before I shot. I'd shoot the next day. I'd leave the next day. It was very fast.

• 25:50Christina Pazsitzky?

  I always think of pornography. It sounds like you're, you're doing your scenes.

• 25:52Speaker 03

  Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. I got my, yeah.

• 25:56Christina Pazsitzky?

  I shoot during my shots.

• 25:57Speaker 03

  So, um, I don't know. This one time they had to bring me out like two days early for some reason. And I had a whole day of just sitting around and I was like, all right, I'm in, I'm in New Mexico. What am I gonna do? I was like, I'm gonna go get the greatest Mexican meal I can find. I'm in New Mexico.

• 26:17Speaker 03

  And I go to the front desk and I go, hey, I'm kind of just bopping around today. Where's a great Mexican place? And the lady goes, there's a Chipotle across the street. And I was like, what is going on?

• 26:29Christina Pazsitzky?

  So fucking stupid.

• 26:31Speaker 03

  That's literally like, I felt like I was in Shanghai and they were like, have you been to Panda Express? Yeah. Yes.

• 26:37Christina Pazsitzky?

  Horrible. Horrible.

• 26:39Speaker 03

  But, um.

• 26:41Christina Pazsitzky?

  But Chipotle is not even representative of real Mexican food, I would argue. As an Angelino, like what is Chipotle? That's like Southwestern. That's not even real.

• 26:50Speaker 03

  But it's not even great. I, I'll eat Chipotle, but it's like.

• 26:53Christina Pazsitzky?

  I will too, if I'm desperate.

• 26:54Speaker 03

  Steve Byrne used to have this joke about New Mexico where he talked about, he was like, it's the most arrogant name of a state ever. And he's like, we don't need your Mexico. We're gonna start our own Mexico, our new Mexico. And he goes, you know the best thing about it? No Mexicans.

• 27:10Christina Pazsitzky?

  He's wrong about that. Has he been?

• 27:15Christina Pazsitzky?

  Before starting this show, there were tons of times where I doubted whether anyone would care to listen to us or our brown talk. Those doubts will always creep in when you're starting something new, but success is on the other side of that fear. And having the right support behind you makes a huge difference. Shopify is that support system for tons of brands and businesses you know and love, including ours here at YMH. Not only is our merch store powered by Shopify, I turned to them when I started Christina P Cosmetics. They made building a storefront that actually felt like my brand seamless from start to finish.

• 27:56Christina Pazsitzky?

  I love Shopify. I check my app every day to see how the business is doing. I love their notifications when you know you've sold something. It is truly the most exciting thing. Shopify houses everything you need to get your business up and running all in one place. Let Shopify handle all the headache that comes with the setup and backend. So you can focus on growing your business and honing the skills it takes to do so. With Shopify, nothing stands between your idea and a real business. So go make it one. Start your free trial at Shopify.com/ YMH. Start your free trial at Shopify.com/ YMH. That's Shopify.com/ YMH.

• 28:39Speaker 01

  Does checking your bank statements feel like digging through a dusty attic full of forgotten subscriptions and old free trials?

• 28:47Speaker 01

  Experian can help take the pain out of canceling by handling it for you. Think of it as, operation, get your sanity back. Over 200 subscriptions are cancelable. So get started in the Experian app and see how much you could save. Results will vary. Not all subscriptions eligible. Savings not guaranteed. Paid membership with connected payment account required. See experian.com for details.

• 29:08Christina Pazsitzky?

  So I took my kids to KFC for the first time, my two children, because I think it's in a YouTube video trend that they're eating KFC. I took them there. We got the family meal.

• 29:17Speaker 03

  Yep.

• 29:18Christina Pazsitzky?

  We're eating it. I'm loving it.

• 29:19Speaker 03

  It's so good.

• 29:20Christina Pazsitzky?

  It's so, and they're eating it. And then after they're like, I feel sick. And I was like, exactly. That's the fun is that you come here, you eat until you're sick. It's not, you don't come here to feel good.

• 29:30Speaker 03

  No.

• 29:31Christina Pazsitzky?

  After you eat, you just, it's satisfaction. Yeah.

• 29:33Speaker 03

  I love, one of my favorite things to do is, is I'll take the skin off the chicken and I'll dunk it into the mashed potatoes and gravy like it's dip and just eat that.

• 29:43Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yo, they should sell that, just like the strips of fried skin.

• 29:47Speaker 03

  They should.

• 29:48Christina Pazsitzky?

  Fuck.

• 29:48Speaker 03

  And by the way, why the fuck is KFC not doing a sausage gravy to put on the biscuits? Why are they not doing that? Why are they not doing that?

• 29:58Christina Pazsitzky?

  It just blew my mind.

• 29:59Speaker 03

  Yeah. Why does KFC not have some version of biscuits and gravy? They must have sold that at some point.

• 30:04Christina Pazsitzky?

  No, no, no. Cause you buy the biscuits and then you buy the gravy separate, yo. And that, that's smart. Cause then they're doubling their money.

• 30:10Speaker 03

  But the problem is, is that gravy is too thin.

• 30:14Christina Pazsitzky?

  It's thin.

• 30:15Speaker 03

  It works on the mashed potatoes. That's kind of all it works on.

• 30:17Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah.

• 30:18Speaker 03

  I've got, cause when you get the family meal delivered, they separate the gravy. Cause they assume you're not an animal.

• 30:28Speaker 03

  And I've tried to just use that gravy alone and it doesn't, it has to combine with the mashed potatoes. It doesn't work.

• 30:34Christina Pazsitzky?

  See, is, um, those potatoes, those are instant. Yeah. Like there's no way.

• 30:39Speaker 03

  God only knows.

• 30:41Christina Pazsitzky?

  It tastes like potatoes.

• 30:42Speaker 03

  God only knows.

• 30:43Christina Pazsitzky?

  At all.

• 30:44Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 30:44Christina Pazsitzky?

  Now, hold on with Madonna. Tell me your thoughts. But we played the clip and then.

• 30:49Speaker 03

  Much like the weed clip, because God forbid anybody watches the whole conversation. They watch the 90 seconds and go, I got it. I got his take. I got my take. I'm going to attack him. He's an idiot. Uh, I didn't say Madonna should quit. I think Madonna is brilliant and I think Madonna is iconic. And I went back on the pod and did another, I think that episode came out today, but I did, I did a follow up on it.

• 31:19Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah.

• 31:20Speaker 03

  And I was like, guys, I didn't say Madonna should quit. What I said was, people that are a certain age that are still chasing

• 31:28Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yes.

• 31:29Speaker 03

  youth in a certain way, it stops working at a certain point. And what I said was, is she looks uncomfortable and that she could theoretically maybe hurt herself. She looks like she's got a little bit of a mobility thing going on.

• 31:41Christina Pazsitzky?

  She did. She fell over here. She's laying down.

• 31:44Speaker 03

  Which is fine. It's like, but it's like, it's like, don't, yeah. It's like Phil Collins on that last Genesis tour.

• 31:49Christina Pazsitzky?

  Oh my God.

• 31:50Speaker 03

  He sat in a chair because he's like, man, I can't, I got this thing going on my back. It's okay. And it's like, I want Madonna to be

• 32:00Speaker 03

  the, the, the, the mom we all need.

• 32:03Christina Pazsitzky?

  Well, that's not going to happen because she's known for her fuck.

• 32:07Christina Pazsitzky?

  This is, and they gave him like an office chair. They couldn't have given him like a throne or make it something that's personal to him.

• 32:14Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 32:15Christina Pazsitzky?

  That's the shittiest chair in the building.

• 32:16Speaker 03

  Cause Guns N' Roses, when Axl broke his like ankle or foot, he had to sit in a chair. Cause he fucked his foot and he's fine now, but for a big part of one of their tours, he had to sit. And he sat in this crazy like Axl throne.

• 32:29Christina Pazsitzky?

  That's what you do.

• 32:29Speaker 03

  I love that Phil Collins was like, this is the chair that doesn't hurt my back. I don't give a shit.

• 32:34Christina Pazsitzky?

  I know. I know.

• 32:37Speaker 03

  Like, this is what we're doing. But that's all I was saying about Madonna was like.

• 32:42Christina Pazsitzky?

  But here's the thing, her whole brand, I, I agree with you. I agree with your points. The thing is, her whole brand is built on fuckability. Okay. So like a virgin. Her whole thing is being like the sex positive, gay friendly icon. So how do you become fuckable? How old is she now? Sixties?

• 33:02Speaker 03

  She's almost 70.

• 33:03Christina Pazsitzky?

  So, so how do you?

• 33:04Speaker 03

  She looks way fuckable there. I'm just saying, don't almost hurt yourself.

• 33:07Christina Pazsitzky?

  Babe, I, I agree with you because it's, it's uncomfortable to, here's what's uncomfortable about it. It's not that she's trying something new. It's not that, it's a, I agree. You, you see that it's not working. It's not working. So let's make it work. Oh, I like how she looks in that, that, that tie and the, so she could go like Marlena Dietrich, Dietrich or whatever.

• 33:27Speaker 03

  There is no, there is no world where Madonna would not be able to look as sexy, be as sex positive, still be the fucking queen.

• 33:37Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah.

• 33:38Speaker 03

  But just not have to do certain dances and things that might fuck her up.

• 33:43Christina Pazsitzky?

  She's known for the dances. So how do you maintain the brand?

• 33:47Speaker 03

  I think, I mean, have you ever watched Cyndi Lauper live now?

• 33:50Christina Pazsitzky?

  Love Cyndi Lauper. God, she's amazing.

• 33:53Speaker 03

  She comes out like a boss.

• 33:55Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah.

• 33:55Speaker 03

  She's not, if Cyndi Lauper was still out there in the fucking toot with the ballerina skirt with pink hair, he'd be like, Cindy, it looks crazy. She doesn't, she comes out like a fucking boss.

• 34:07Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah.

• 34:08Speaker 03

  Still gorgeous, still amazing, still sexy.

• 34:10Christina Pazsitzky?

  Okay.

• 34:11Speaker 03

  And fucking belts the songs out where I literally watched a live video for doing girls just want to have fun. I started crying. I couldn't believe how good she sounded.

• 34:20Christina Pazsitzky?

  Gay?

• 34:21Speaker 03

  No, it's not gay.

• 34:22Christina Pazsitzky?

  Joe's gay.

• 34:23Speaker 03

  Well, if I'm gay, I'm gay.

• 34:24Christina Pazsitzky?

  Newsflash, just kidding. I, no, her voice is like incred, in true colors, I will cry every time. Or time after time. Oh my.

• 34:30Speaker 03

  There, there's a way to do it.

• 34:32Christina Pazsitzky?

  There is a way to do it, but she hasn't figured it out yet.

• 34:35Speaker 03

  I love.

• 34:35Christina Pazsitzky?

  That's the thing.

• 34:36Speaker 03

  I love the movie, I'm sorry. Did I talk over you? I didn't mean to. Go ahead.

• 34:41Christina Pazsitzky?

  No, no, no. I was just, I just ashed all over myself.

• 34:44Speaker 03

  I love that you were trying to do a cool face and you just ashed off.

• 34:48Christina Pazsitzky?

  I'm just such a fucking idiot. So fucking stupid.

• 34:52Speaker 03

  I love the movie, The Irishman. I absolutely fuck.

• 34:54Christina Pazsitzky?

  What is this? You always like these things. You're like the, the, the Fu Manchu is the best band.

• 34:59Speaker 03

  The Irishman. It's a Martin Scorsese movie that starred De Niro, Pacino and Joe Pesci.

• 35:04Christina Pazsitzky?

  Huh?

• 35:04Speaker 03

  That was nominated for several Oscars. I love how you're acting like it was some indie that nobody heard of.

• 35:09Christina Pazsitzky?

  Nobody knows this movie. Have you guys watched this thing?

• 35:11Speaker 03

  Everybody knows it. It was, it was, it was a massive film.

• 35:14Christina Pazsitzky?

  This is bullshit. I don't know.

• 35:15Speaker 03

  Um, they, the big thing with The Irishman was they de-aged them. It was the first movie where they did extensive de-aging throughout the entire movie. And they de-aged all three actors so they could play different phases of their lives.

• 35:28Christina Pazsitzky?

  That's cool.

• 35:28Speaker 03

  There's a scene in the movie that everybody makes fun of where De Niro's kicking a guy on the ground.

• 35:33Christina Pazsitzky?

  Let's see it.

• 35:35Speaker 03

  And he looks like a guy in his, he's supposed to be 40 in the scene and he looks 40, but then he's kicking this guy and it looks like a 70 year old guy kicking somebody.

• 35:45Speaker 03

  So you can skip. I'll tell you where.

• 35:49Christina Pazsitzky?

  I love him so much.

• 35:51Speaker 03

  No, keep going.

• 35:51Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah.

• 35:52Speaker 03

  Right here. He throws the guy out on the street.

• 36:00Christina Pazsitzky?

  He's not moving 40.

• 36:02Speaker 03

  Right.

• 36:02Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah, he's not moving 40.

• 36:04Speaker 03

  So my.

• 36:10Speaker 03

  My, so this scene sticks out a bit.

• 36:13Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah.

• 36:14Speaker 03

  So my point is, is like, everybody's like, why couldn't they just shoot that in a way where it didn't, wasn't so obvious? And it's like, yes, that's all I'm saying with Madonna. It's like, it's okay to be like, hey guys, I can't do certain things now that I'm this age, but I can still be me. I, I watched this whole movie and still believe De Niro's a tough guy.

• 36:29Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah.

• 36:29Speaker 03

  It's just that part shows his age in a certain way. And it's like, dude, you don't have to do that.

• 36:33Christina Pazsitzky?

  You can't sell everything, you can't sell what you did in your twenties, your thirties, in your seventies. You just can't sell it. So, but here's the thing, I, you know, this is why I like French broads. I've been studying the French ladies forever, which is why I make red lipstick. ChristinaP.com. Get your red fucking lipstick. These broads know how to age. The French know how to do it. Like Catherine Denault, Denault. Put, bring up Catherine Denault.

• 37:00Christina Pazsitzky?

  They know how to embrace aging and sexuality and like, look, she still looks respectable. Her face isn't all fucking crazy. That's her young. And now look, okay, she doesn't look insane. She maybe had a little nip and tuck, a little something, something. But she figured it out. She's not dressing the same way she did in her twenties. I agree with you. Oh, Tina Turner. But how did Tina Turner do it? Cause she was stunning until she dropped dead.

• 37:24Speaker 03

  She, she just kept doing her thing, but like, I, I would bet you if you watched, I bet you when she got older, she was still dancing and stuff, but just dancing within the means of like, this is how I can move now. I'm a little bit older. It's okay. Nobody's going to be like, hey Madonna, you lazy ass.

• 37:42Christina Pazsitzky?

  I know.

• 37:43Speaker 03

  Why are you up on a spinning platter?

• 37:45Christina Pazsitzky?

  I know.

• 37:46Speaker 03

  You know?

• 37:46Christina Pazsitzky?

  Well, even Mick Jagger, who can really still move, like he works out a lot apparently.

• 37:52Speaker 03

  Put a shirt on though.

• 37:53Christina Pazsitzky?

  You think so?

• 37:54Speaker 03

  Yeah, that's, I remember when they, dude, I remember in the nineties, when Roseanne hosted the MTV video awards and the Rolling Stones played at it. And she came out, she goes, but you're 60. Put a shirt on for God's sakes. It was so funny. Yeah. She's about, it was so funny. And I was like, in the nineties. It was like, bro, put a shirt on. Be Mick Jagger. Just put a shirt on.

• 38:20Christina Pazsitzky?

  So is he going shirtless now still?

• 38:22Speaker 03

  Uh, I don't know. You know who is all the time? Iggy Pop.

• 38:25Christina Pazsitzky?

  Okay. Okay. Here's the thing.

• 38:26Speaker 03

  And he needs to put a shirt on.

• 38:27Christina Pazsitzky?

  No.

• 38:27Speaker 03

  Iggy needs to put a shirt on.

• 38:29Christina Pazsitzky?

  I disagree entirely. Okay, Joe DeRosa. Here's why I disagree with Iggy.

• 38:33Speaker 03

  Come on.

• 38:34Christina Pazsitzky?

  No, here's why, okay. Here's why I disagree. No. You're, get fucked. You're wrong. Here's why. This guy is known as the father of punk rock. Okay. His whole thing is like, fuck you. I'm doing what I do. Get fucked. And now his spine is crooked. Yes. But he's showing you like, I'm still, the physical form doesn't really necessarily, it's going to change and it's going to be grotesque. And there's something beautifully grotesque and punk rock about Iggy Pop doing it. He knows he's being grotesque.

• 39:06Speaker 03

  It's not, I don't think it's grotesque. I think it's just like, dude, it, it looks to me like you're trying for something you don't need to be trying for.

• 39:15Christina Pazsitzky?

  Okay.

• 39:15Speaker 03

  We all, we all, we're all walking into the room saying all the things you just said. You can keep your shirt on and we'll still think you're the man.

• 39:23Christina Pazsitzky?

  No, Joe, because he's, he's addressing his mortality. Bring up, bring up Iggy Pop getting out of a coffin. I think he did this at like Lollapalooza or something. He's, he's winking and nodding at all of us. Because he went up on stage and he, yeah, see Coachella, he, at Coachella Music Festival after electro. He gets into a coffin because he knows like, I'm about to fucking die. This is my swan song. I know, I know that I look decrepit.

• 39:47Speaker 03

  Well, it's his farewell show and he's getting into a coffin. That's, that's, yes.

• 39:53Christina Pazsitzky?

  Brilliant.

• 39:53Speaker 03

  I would argue that somebody at 40 doing their farewell show might get into a coffin at the end. Cause it's like, this is the end. See you later.

• 40:00Christina Pazsitzky?

  Like Jay-Z is always like, I'm retiring and then he comes back.

• 40:02Speaker 03

  But my point is, is like, to me that speaks more to this is my last show than, hey, I'm dead.

• 40:08Christina Pazsitzky?

  Cause it is last show.

• 40:09Speaker 03

  It says his farewell show.

• 40:11Christina Pazsitzky?

  Nah, he'll be back. I love Iggy Pop.

• 40:15Speaker 03

  You know, I, I, I, I hear you. There was a part, there was a part in the last.

• 40:21Christina Pazsitzky?

  Sorry.

• 40:22Speaker 03

  Go ahead.

• 40:23Christina Pazsitzky?

  Have you seen Danny Elfman lately?

• 40:24Speaker 03

  He looks insane. I don't know what happened.

• 40:28Christina Pazsitzky?

  I, I do. It's called too much botox and filler and that, that's refusing to grow up.

• 40:34Speaker 03

  He, he, well, oh, well, hey, I'm glad you just said that. The point of the, the clip that came out for my pod, the rant that the clip was excised from was me saying exactly that. I said, there's a difference between not wanting to come, grow up and desperately wanting young people to still like you. And I said, I'm a good example of not wanting to grow up.

• 40:57Christina Pazsitzky?

  Hmm.

• 40:58Speaker 03

  I'm 49. Sometimes I still sleep with the light on. I drink too much. I buy comic books.

• 41:04Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah.

• 41:05Speaker 03

  And then I showed the Madonna clip and I go, to me, this is wanting young people to still go, you're cool. And it's like, that's the thing I think you have to let go of at some point.

• 41:13Christina Pazsitzky?

  You have to let go that, yeah, you're not cool anymore. You have to re-

• 41:18Speaker 03

  You're cool in a different way.

• 41:19Christina Pazsitzky?

  You have to redefine what cool is to you and then live through that lens.

• 41:25Speaker 03

  And, yeah, um, what's her name? Who's the woman from Four Non Blondes? That's the massive music producer.

• 41:32Christina Pazsitzky?

  I, I've been watching clips of her on TikTok. She's amazing. Oh, I love her so much.

• 41:40Speaker 03

  I watched an interview clip with Linda Perry from a few years back and she said, she goes, why is Madonna chasing trends? Madonna should be setting the trends. And she's like, I want to work with Madonna because I want her to get back to being the trend setter. That's what I'm saying.

• 41:56Christina Pazsitzky?

  God, she's great.

• 41:57Speaker 03

  Don't chase the trends after a certain age.

• 41:59Christina Pazsitzky?

  Never chase the trends.

• 42:00Speaker 03

  Exactly. Like you're, you're the, you're the one that, that broke the mold.

• 42:04Christina Pazsitzky?

  Never chase the trends. Create them. I agree. I just saw an interview with her where she talks about doing Gwen Stefani's first solo album. Did you see that one?

• 42:12Speaker 03

  No.

• 42:12Christina Pazsitzky?

  Oh, she's brilliant. She produced that one and, and she had her singing into four different microphones to do that. Tik Tok, Tik Tok. Oh, she's so good.

• 42:22Speaker 03

  I worked with Sarah Gilbert on a sitcom.

• 42:24Christina Pazsitzky?

  Love Sarah Gilbert.

• 42:25Speaker 03

  Yeah, we became very friendly. She was very sweet and my cus- my character got cut from the show. And they cut me in a really shitty way where they didn't tell me, they didn't call me. They made the show runner, who was my friend Pat, come and tell me. It was really gross.

• 42:39Christina Pazsitzky?

  Okay.

• 42:41Speaker 03

  And everybody from the cast texted me and they, because they all knew like, this sucks. This is, we've been there, but the way they did this was really rough and we love you. She was the first one that texted me.

• 42:51Christina Pazsitzky?

  Nice.

• 42:52Speaker 03

  And she was, she was the most established. She was the one, the Roseanne reboot had just come out. Like she was big. Everybody was big, but you know, you know what I mean? And I was like, that really spoke a lot to who she was, that she took the time to be like, hey dude, I'm gonna be the first out through the door here to tell you this sucks. But she was great. But one of the regrets I had that was when I was in touch with her, I never fucking said, can I please meet your wife? I want to meet your wife.

• 43:21Christina Pazsitzky?

  She's married to that chick?

• 43:21Speaker 03

  She was married to Linda, they're not married anymore. They, at the time.

• 43:24Christina Pazsitzky?

  She, I didn't know that.

• 43:26Speaker 03

  Yeah, that's why I said it because they just said the picture.

• 43:28Christina Pazsitzky?

  Sarah Gilbert's so cool. I like her even more now.

• 43:31Speaker 03

  So, anyway.

• 43:33Christina Pazsitzky?

  Okay. Well, hold on. I've got something to show you.

• 43:35Speaker 03

  Do I need my headphones?

• 43:37Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yes, baby. Yes.

• 43:38Speaker 03

  The only reason I wear them is because I get hot.

• 43:40Christina Pazsitzky?

  That's okay. Hey, what, where's the guy who's running for office who's a sec? Oh, here, here. Hold on. Okay. I know you're, you're, you're into politics. Yeah?

• 43:48Speaker 03

  No.

• 43:49Christina Pazsitzky?

  Oh, nevermind. Well, I'm into politics now, now that I'm 50 and divorced.

• 43:54Speaker 03

  Welcome to the manosphere.

• 43:57Christina Pazsitzky?

  Not even welcome. I've been a part of it for-

• 44:00Speaker 03

  You're, you're complicit in creating it.

• 44:03Christina Pazsitzky?

  Okay. Here we go. Here we go. See if you're gonna, if you buy this.

• 44:07Speaker 05

  I am not attracted to Taylor Swift. I am not attracted to Beyonce. I am not attracted to Billie Eilish. I am not attracted to Jennifer Aniston. I am not attracted to Angelina Jolie. I am not attracted to Rihanna. I am not attracted to Taylor Swift. I am 100% non-sexual. I am 100% asexual. I'm not attracted to men. I'm not attracted to women. I'm not attracted to anybody. I don't experience sexual attraction.

• 44:47Speaker 05

  If you are asexual, leave a comment in the comments. I am asexual.

• 44:55Speaker 03

  Now, does he work for this university that he's in front of the flag of?

• 45:01Christina Pazsitzky?

  Cal, Cal Riverside?

• 45:02Speaker 03

  Is this the dean of?

• 45:03Christina Pazsitzky?

  UCLA Riverside?

• 45:05Speaker 03

  Of that campus?

• 45:06Christina Pazsitzky?

  But he's running for office too. Do we have a clip of that in here?

• 45:10Speaker 03

  It's weird that he said, I'm asexual, but then he only named women.

• 45:13Christina Pazsitzky?

  Well, and then he's like, comment in the comments if you are asexual. What does he care? Is he trying to hook up?

• 45:20Speaker 03

  God, I would love to be asexual.

• 45:22Christina Pazsitzky?

  I know. So much easier.

• 45:26Christina Pazsitzky?

  You will eventually. Your testosterone will wane. There he is.

• 45:29Speaker 03

  Higher than ever.

• 45:30Christina Pazsitzky?

  He's running for, what is he running for again?

• 45:33Speaker 07

  California Secretary of State in the 2030 election. I am a strong leader who will make certain that California has safe and fair elections. My name is Mark Hardy. I served as staff attorney and special assistant for Governor Pete Wilson. I then served as public affairs assistant for US Senator Barbara Boxer. During law school, I was mentored by US Attorney General Edwin Mies, US Senator Kay Bailey Hutchison, and House Speaker Newt Gingrich. I have worked with high level Democrats and Republicans.

• 46:03Christina Pazsitzky?

  Oh no.

• 46:03Speaker 07

  I am also a veteran of the United States Army.

• 46:05Christina Pazsitzky?

  Oh shit.

• 46:06Speaker 07

  Vote for Mark Hardy for California Secretary of State in 2030. Let's build a Hardy California. Thank you.

• 46:13Speaker 03

  Now, do you think any of that is true?

• 46:15Christina Pazsitzky?

  Is it true?

• 46:16Speaker 03

  He's got the AI voice doing it. And then did he, if he did all those things, has he snapped?

• 46:25Speaker 03

  And why is he, he's wearing, I love he's got sunglasses and the-

• 46:27Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah, but remember when they were hiring like diverse people, like people that are like, I'm a trans blah, blah, blah. Like, is this a diversity hire? Maybe like the asexual community?

• 46:38Speaker 03

  It could be.

• 46:40Christina Pazsitzky?

  Is this true, Josh? Can you?

• 46:43Speaker 03

  He, by the way, everything he said in that video.

• 46:49Christina Pazsitzky?

  That's so crazy.

• 46:50Speaker 03

  Yeah, everything he said in that video, if he said it without-

• 46:52Christina Pazsitzky?

  Look who, who follows him.

• 46:55Speaker 03

  Oh, that's great. Hugh and Rogan.

• 46:56Christina Pazsitzky?

  Joe Rogan. I love that Joe knows.

• 47:00Speaker 03

  That's hilarious. We should ask Joe. He probably-

• 47:03Christina Pazsitzky?

  I think Joe knows. Let's call him right now.

• 47:06Speaker 03

  The, um, no, but if he said everything he said in that asexual video without screaming, you'd just be like, okay.

• 47:12Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah.

• 47:12Speaker 03

  It's the screaming part where he seems unhinged.

• 47:15Christina Pazsitzky?

  You're right. And the naming of particular people, which kind of like, what is that saying? Doth protest too much?

• 47:21Speaker 03

  Yes.

• 47:22Christina Pazsitzky?

  Like, why are you, then why are you naming the people? Like, I'm not horny for Beyonce. I am not horny for Billie Eilish. Like clearly.

• 47:28Speaker 03

  Yes.

• 47:29Christina Pazsitzky?

  Clearly.

• 47:29Speaker 03

  The, uh, can I have a tissue?

• 47:31Christina Pazsitzky?

  No.

• 47:32Speaker 03

  Okay. Um, it's, uh-

• 47:34Christina Pazsitzky?

  Someone get the guy a tissue.

• 47:35Speaker 03

  This kid, KidBacteriaX is his handle.

• 47:41Christina Pazsitzky?

  Ew.

• 47:43Speaker 03

  KidBacteriaX, not his name. That might help him in his, thank you so much.

• 47:47Christina Pazsitzky?

  Hold on, he's Mark Hardy Esquire. He's a lawyer?

• 47:51Speaker 03

  Yeah, he just said it in the video.

• 47:52Christina Pazsitzky?

  Sorry, I was, I was so taken with everything else.

• 47:56Speaker 03

  Yeah, he apparently is a very accomplished lawyer who worked on the staff of several- Asexual attorney. He used to go by the name of Barack Obama Mandela. This, come on.

• 48:08Speaker 03

  And he also fought in the Israeli army.

• 48:11Christina Pazsitzky?

  He's a friend of the Jews. We're voting for him. He's got my vote. Dude, this guy's rad. Um, no, he gets my vote.

• 48:20Speaker 03

  I mean, this is where we're headed.

• 48:22Christina Pazsitzky?

  What do you mean? This is where we are.

• 48:23Speaker 03

  This is, well, but I mean, like 10 years ago, remember that, remember that one famous election?

• 48:31Speaker 03

  For California governor, where was like all, it was Schwarzenegger and then it was like all of the craziest other.

• 48:37Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah.

• 48:38Speaker 03

  Right? There was the porn star. There was Gary Coleman. It was like everybody all at once was running.

• 48:44Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah.

• 48:45Speaker 03

  And we were like, this is wild. What's going on here? And then Arnold getting it, we were kind of like, that's weird. But then like, he was pretty good at it. We're like, all right.

• 48:54Christina Pazsitzky?

  He crushed.

• 48:55Speaker 03

  Yeah, he's, he did a good job. He knew what he was doing. And then, but now it's just like, no, like we're that, it's that election all the time now. Like where it's just like, okay, I guess so.

• 49:07Christina Pazsitzky?

  Well, again, I mean, you're hateful and upset, but I, I think he's doing the Lord's work and I'm gonna vote for him. Okay?

• 49:14Speaker 03

  Well, it seems like you support him as you immediately called him a diversity hire.

• 49:22Christina Pazsitzky?

  Hey, I'm a diversity hire, Joe. Somebody's gotta usher us in.

• 49:26Speaker 03

  How are you a-

• 49:27Christina Pazsitzky?

  I'm a woman. I've always been the token in the last 20 fucking years. Yes, of course. I mean, yes.

• 49:34Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 49:34Christina Pazsitzky?

  And then now I'm in and now it's normal for chicks to be talking about stuff and this is how the world works. Come on.

• 49:41Speaker 03

  All right.

• 49:42Christina Pazsitzky?

  Okay, look, I know you're into gaming and stuff, so this is for you. Put on your headphones.

• 49:47Speaker 03

  They'll go, they'll go back on. They're so big. I wish I had the little earbuds.

• 49:52Christina Pazsitzky?

  Okay, next time we'll give you the nice ones.

• 49:53Speaker 03

  I forgot mine. I could have plugged them in right here. Damn it.

• 49:56Christina Pazsitzky?

  You ready?

• 49:57Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 49:58Speaker 05

  What's the difference between, what's the difference, what's the difference between a gamer and a silly gamer?

• 50:07Christina Pazsitzky?

  Hmm.

• 50:11Speaker 05

  Ah!

• 50:15Speaker 05

  The silly gamer, the gamer, the gamer play, uh, the gamer plays video games. Well, the, well, the-

• 50:23Speaker 07

  The silly gamer.

• 50:26Christina Pazsitzky?

  Get it out.

• 50:27Speaker 07

  The gamer plays video games while the silly gamer.

• 50:29Christina Pazsitzky?

  You can do it.

• 50:30Speaker 07

  Silly video games.

• 50:33Speaker 03

  He's getting pegged right now. That's why he can't breathe.

• 50:36Christina Pazsitzky?

  He's breathless, he's getting pegged.

• 50:41Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah, like, work out, I mean, as comedians, you and I know, you gotta work out the timing and the verbiage before you tell the joke.

• 50:47Speaker 03

  Yes.

• 50:48Christina Pazsitzky?

  It's like 101.

• 50:49Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 50:50Christina Pazsitzky?

  Practice it a little bit before you say it.

• 50:52Speaker 03

  But here's my question. This is, again, where we're at. Is this guy actually like this, or is he brilliant and he goes, oh, if I do it this crazy, I'll get crazy views?

• 51:03Christina Pazsitzky?

  Joe.

• 51:03Speaker 03

  Who knows anymore?

• 51:03Christina Pazsitzky?

  Joe, I've been doing this show for a long time. I can assure you, this is organic.

• 51:09Speaker 03

  Okay.

• 51:09Christina Pazsitzky?

  Everybody here at the staff knows how to pick real.

• 51:14Speaker 03

  Okay.

• 51:14Christina Pazsitzky?

  This is, this is genuinely an insane person.

• 51:16Speaker 03

  Okay.

• 51:17Christina Pazsitzky?

  Please don't doubt my ability to pick mentally ill.

• 51:22Speaker 03

  Wait.

• 51:23Christina Pazsitzky?

  Don't you dare doubt my abilities. How dare, hold on.

• 51:27Speaker 03

  Fair enough.

• 51:27Christina Pazsitzky?

  Can we look at potential suitors for me?

• 51:29Speaker 03

  Sure.

• 51:30Christina Pazsitzky?

  Okay. These guys are cool. Tell me, like, if I should hit any of these dudes up.

• 51:35Speaker 03

  You're not gonna do better than the underwear guy.

• 51:37Christina Pazsitzky?

  No, he was rad. Okay, here we go.

• 51:40Speaker 03

  That's a good pick. Oop.

• 51:43Speaker 06

  What's up? My name's Ricky. My number's ****. Hit me up on JP. I got about eight months left. Um, I like fast motorcycles.

• 51:51Christina Pazsitzky?

  I don't like that.

• 51:52Speaker 06

  Bad girls with pretty feet.

• 51:52Christina Pazsitzky?

  Oh.

• 51:53Speaker 06

  Hopefully I can make you smile, make you laugh, and when it's time, make you squirt. So if you're a freak, you wanna, you wanna freak, or, uh, you just wanna squirt, get at me, show me some love. Hopefully we work them out.

• 52:03Christina Pazsitzky?

  Do you want to squirt?

• 52:05Speaker 03

  I don't know.

• 52:06Christina Pazsitzky?

  Do you wanna squirt?

• 52:07Speaker 03

  He's not a bad-looking guy.

• 52:08Christina Pazsitzky?

  No, and I like his tattoos. I'm into knuckle tats. Um, he thought of a clear, coherent message before he got on the phone, which is kinda cool. But I don't know that I need to squirt. Like, is that really, Neon, do you need to squirt?

• 52:23Speaker 03

  Nobody needs. Sounds really messy.

• 52:26Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah.

• 52:27Speaker 03

  He's fit.

• 52:28Christina Pazsitzky?

  I like that.

• 52:29Speaker 03

  I also didn't know you could dress like that in prison. I didn't know you could wear.

• 52:33Christina Pazsitzky?

  Oh.

• 52:33Speaker 03

  A t-shirt and a hat.

• 52:36Christina Pazsitzky?

  That's so true. I thought you had to wear, like, orange.

• 52:39Speaker 03

  That's what I thought, too. It looks like he's got his own clothes at the prison.

• 52:42Christina Pazsitzky?

  That's so cool.

• 52:43Speaker 03

  They just let him wear, yeah.

• 52:44Christina Pazsitzky?

  That's so rad.

• 52:46Speaker 03

  Yeah. Is he in? Yeah, he's in.

• 52:48Christina Pazsitzky?

  Well, hold on, let's see what his, okay, do you wanna guess what his charges are? This is always the best part. Okay.

• 52:55Speaker 03

  I'm gonna guess some sort of. Physical assault thing against a man, not a woman. I'm guessing he got into some kind of physical bar type thing.

• 53:06Christina Pazsitzky?

  Like a fight?

• 53:07Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 53:07Christina Pazsitzky?

  Okay. Incarcerated for intimating, threatening, or harassing a witness, and possession of controlled substance. So like, what? He, he talked some shit to some guy that had some shit with him, and then he had some weed in his, his pocket. Big deal. Is that, is that a big deal?

• 53:25Speaker 03

  Well, it sounds like he's a drug dealer.

• 53:29Christina Pazsitzky?

  Oh.

• 53:29Speaker 03

  Got arrested, and then found out before he went to trial who the witnesses were gonna be, and then went to a witness and said, I'll fucking hurt you.

• 53:37Christina Pazsitzky?

  Smart, which is what I would've done.

• 53:38Speaker 03

  Yeah, and then somehow got caught, because I never get that, like, like, they do this in movies a lot, like, where a witness will get threatened. And they'll be like, and if you go to the cops, I'll fucking kill you. I, I would go right to the cops, be like, he just threatened me, I'm going away.

• 53:53Christina Pazsitzky?

  I wouldn't.

• 53:54Speaker 03

  I'm going to another state or something until he goes to trial. I'm terrified, and the, I would, just, that's it.

• 54:00Christina Pazsitzky?

  I would just disappear. I wouldn't even.

• 54:02Speaker 03

  But then you're in trouble, but then you're sequestered as a witness.

• 54:05Christina Pazsitzky?

  You're right, you're right, fuck.

• 54:06Speaker 03

  So I'd be like, look, uh, you gotta, this is, well, apparently that's what this witness did, cuz he went to jail for it.

• 54:12Christina Pazsitzky?

  It's good to know, though. It's good, good information.

• 54:14Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 54:15Christina Pazsitzky?

  Cuz I didn't know that, Joe.

• 54:17Speaker 03

  Yeah, you can't just, if you're called in, I don't think you can leave. It depends on what kind of witness you are, I guess, but, you know, you could be a character witness and say no.

• 54:25Christina Pazsitzky?

  Okay.

• 54:26Speaker 03

  Anyway.

• 54:27Christina Pazsitzky?

  Okay, well, I mean, I like his personality, I like his tats, I like his style. I don't think his charges are that big of a deal. I'm gonna go for Ricky. Ricky, right now, is my leader.

• 54:37Speaker 03

  Uh, I don't think you dating this guy, uh, is a good idea, given his first name is Richard, cuz I feel like you won't be able to resist being funny and calling him dick a lot, and then I'll, I think I'll choke you.

• 54:51Christina Pazsitzky?

  Fair enough.

• 54:52Speaker 03

  I don't think he'll think that's funny.

• 54:53Christina Pazsitzky?

  Good point.

• 54:54Speaker 03

  Yeah, and I know you, you're, you antagonize, you press buttons.

• 55:00Christina Pazsitzky?

  Moi?

• 55:00Speaker 03

  You get.

• 55:01Christina Pazsitzky?

  What?

• 55:02Speaker 03

  Very nasty sometimes.

• 55:05Christina Pazsitzky?

  Okay, vile and horrendous. Calling the kettle vile. All right, let's see my next boyfriend.

• 55:12Speaker 03

  Okay.

• 55:12Christina Pazsitzky?

  Okay, what about this guy?

• 55:16Speaker 03

  Full babe.

• 55:17Christina Pazsitzky?

  Oh, I like that. Eye contact, strong.

• 55:23Christina Pazsitzky?

  Ooh, strong, silent type.

• 55:25Speaker 03

  So they all have white t-shirts on, so they all, this is, you get to wear a white t-shirt at this jail.

• 55:32Christina Pazsitzky?

  But he's looking at that guy. Is he gay?

• 55:35Speaker 03

  Uh.

• 55:35Christina Pazsitzky?

  That makes me think that he's not into chicks, cuz it's like, why are you looking at that guy?

• 55:38Speaker 03

  That looks like a shanking happened 10 seconds later.

• 55:42Christina Pazsitzky?

  Oh, yeah.

• 55:43Speaker 03

  Something bad just happened, which is why there's no, that's where the video ends. They put his full name out, he's dead. He died.

• 55:51Christina Pazsitzky?

  That's true.

• 55:52Speaker 03

  30 seconds after this video.

• 55:53Christina Pazsitzky?

  So just so you know, I like his head tattoos. The teardrop means that he's killed somebody.

• 56:01Speaker 03

  I believe that is what that means.

• 56:02Christina Pazsitzky?

  Why would you advertise that?

• 56:05Speaker 03

  Well, I think it used to be, I think it used to be for survival in the prison.

• 56:11Christina Pazsitzky?

  Oh.

• 56:11Speaker 03

  Like, oh shit, that guy's got teardrops, be careful.

• 56:14Christina Pazsitzky?

  Got it.

• 56:15Speaker 03

  Everybody I've ever watched interviews with that has done real time, and I have a couple comedian friends that did, like, legitimate time in jail, or prison, rather, and they all say the same exact thing. There will be the moment where you have to beat the living shit out of somebody, and if you don't do it, you are gonna have problems for the rest of your stay.

• 56:37Christina Pazsitzky?

  Fuck.

• 56:38Speaker 03

  Like, it's so terrifying. There's a guy, um.

• 56:42Christina Pazsitzky?

  Dudes are brutal. In the girls' prison, they just make out and braid each other's hair.

• 56:46Speaker 03

  I dated a girl that was in prison.

• 56:51Christina Pazsitzky?

  Mm-hmm. Yeah, and?

• 56:53Speaker 03

  She, she.

• 56:54Christina Pazsitzky?

  Sounds good.

• 56:55Speaker 03

  She was on a work release, so she only had to be there on the weekends. It was for, like, a DUI or something. And she said it was the most fun she ever had. She said they would have prison parties, they would all go to each other's cell on Friday nights, like, it was like.

• 57:07Christina Pazsitzky?

  Eat each other out.

• 57:08Speaker 03

  Yeah, well, she didn't say that. They, they probably did.

• 57:10Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah, of course.

• 57:11Speaker 03

  But she said it was a blast. She said they had so much fun, which is wild.

• 57:15Christina Pazsitzky?

  It's like a big slumber party. It's like being in college again. I used to, like, the first year of college, I stayed in an all-girl dorm. It was the most fun. Freshman year of college, you just hang out. We didn't eat each other out, but we did, like, hang out, rip darts, talk shit. There's a freedom in it.

• 57:31Speaker 03

  Yeah. Did you ever watch that guy, Nerd Radek?

• 57:33Christina Pazsitzky?

  No.

• 57:35Speaker 03

  He's a, he's a big YouTuber. Uh, he's got a pretty substantial following, but he does a lot of movie reviews. And, uh, I didn't know till recently, like, I'd watched his clips so many times, and one day I was like, let me watch an actual interview with this guy, cuz like, what was, what's his story? And he did, like, real prison time.

• 57:56Christina Pazsitzky?

  No shit.

• 57:57Speaker 03

  Reformed himself, got out of prison, and became a massive YouTuber.

• 58:00Christina Pazsitzky?

  Good for him.

• 58:01Speaker 03

  And is, like, clean now. He was, you know, at one point was a drug addict and whatever, but he told a story in an interview. He was, he was a cellmate with a guy. I might be fucking the story up a little bit, but he was like, you know, you get your, you, you earn money cuz of good behavior, whatever, and then you have, I forget what it's called.

• 58:19Christina Pazsitzky?

  Commissary?

• 58:21Speaker 03

  Yeah, you have, like, credit, where you can go buy things at the store.

• 58:24Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah.

• 58:24Speaker 03

  And you're, if you're a good behavior, you get to buy better things.

• 58:27Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah, well, that's cool.

• 58:28Speaker 03

  So he got to a point where he was able to buy a Walkman, and he said he was, like, cellmates with this guy who was really bad, like, who had killed people or something, and the guy threatened her or something, and he's like, I beat the living shit out of this guy with, with the, with the Sony Walkman that I'd bought. And like, I think, like, caved his face in.

• 58:49Christina Pazsitzky?

  Damn.

• 58:50Speaker 03

  And the jail was just like, it's cool, don't worry about it, cuz apparently the guy was so awful. It's fine.

• 58:57Christina Pazsitzky?

  They're like, we hated Henry. He just did us a huge favor. Fuck that guy. Fuck that guy.

• 59:03Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 59:04Christina Pazsitzky?

  Oh, well, those are my prison inmates, and then, would you like to meet some of my other, uh, potential suitors?

• 59:10Speaker 03

  Yeah, and by the way, is this a program they had in the prison to, to let these guys do dating videos?

• 59:14Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah, isn't that, is that right?

• 59:16Speaker 07

  It was an Instagram page where they could find pen pals, so people could, like, write them letters.

• 59:22Speaker 03

  But the prison approved of it.

• 59:23Speaker 07

  Yeah.

• 59:24Christina Pazsitzky?

  Clearly.

• 59:24Speaker 03

  This is insane. Okay.

• 59:26Speaker 07

  Really exciting, though, Christina.

• 59:28Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah.

• 59:28Speaker 07

  We made, we made the hotline for you.

• 59:30Christina Pazsitzky?

  Oh.

• 59:31Speaker 07

  And people are actively calling in.

• 59:35Christina Pazsitzky?

  Okay.

• 59:36Speaker 07

  Trying to pitch themselves to you.

• 59:38Christina Pazsitzky?

  So, so there's a hotline now, Joe, where my potential suitors can court me.

• 59:43Speaker 03

  Okay.

• 59:43Christina Pazsitzky?

  Can we hear some?

• 59:44Speaker 03

  Oh, boy. Can't wait to hear.

• 59:47Speaker 07

  They're in the horny hotline.

• 59:49Speaker 03

  Look, I know what the YMH fans are saying to me, and I'm not even, I can't imagine what they're saying to you.

• 59:58Christina Pazsitzky?

  Well, here's the thing. I mean, look, who better to court me than people who are familiar with what a bitch that I can be, what a nice lady I am? Maybe it's best that I, I date somebody that's familiar.

• 1:00:11Speaker 03

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I would like to see, uh, a round of comedians that you might end up with.

• 1:00:20Christina Pazsitzky?

  I don't know if that's gonna happen, Joe.

• 1:00:22Speaker 03

  I wanna see the next power couple.

• 1:00:23Christina Pazsitzky?

  Oh, babe.

• 1:00:24Speaker 03

  You form the other half.

• 1:00:25Christina Pazsitzky?

  I've done comedians. I don't think we're gonna, one comedian, you know, Tom Segura was the only comedian I ever dated, ever, and we got married and that was it. So I think, I think for now.

• 1:00:36Speaker 03

  You made it count. You made it work.

• 1:00:37Christina Pazsitzky?

  I did. It was an awesome ride. 20 years is a miracle. In today's society, 20 years with somebody? I mean.

• 1:00:44Speaker 03

  It's so beyond what anybody could ever expect.

• 1:00:48Christina Pazsitzky?

  In show business? Are you kidding me?

• 1:00:50Speaker 03

  Not, by the way, not just in show business, in biology. We're not supposed to be monogamous. Like, we're just not supposed to be, and we all fight against that for obvious reasons. So for you to put in 20 years, the two of you, and then also have it be as fun and beautiful and the kids and, and successful.

• 1:01:14Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah.

• 1:01:15Speaker 03

  And work together, and I was, who, I can't make it four weeks with somebody I barely know.

• 1:01:25Christina Pazsitzky?

  I know, but that's, that's why I feel it was a good time. Okay, but, but now it's time for me to, to look at potential new people. Here we go. All right, let's listen to our first.

• 1:01:37Christina Pazsitzky?

  I'm sorry. I'm scared.

• 1:01:40Speaker 03

  Yeah, I, I am too.

• 1:01:53Christina Pazsitzky?

  Wow.

• 1:02:01Speaker 03

  Terry.

• 1:02:04Speaker 03

  Terry?

• 1:02:04Christina Pazsitzky?

  Terry, that's just his name?

• 1:02:06Speaker 03

  No, wait, that was a man?

• 1:02:08Christina Pazsitzky?

  Wait, was that?

• 1:02:08Speaker 03

  At the end, it sounded like a woman.

• 1:02:09Christina Pazsitzky?

  It sounded like a woman the whole time?

• 1:02:10Speaker 03

  When they yelled Terry.

• 1:02:12Christina Pazsitzky?

  Wait, is it a boy or a girl? I think it's a man named Terry.

• 1:02:15Speaker 03

  Okay.

• 1:02:16Christina Pazsitzky?

  And he just goes, Terry. Introducing himself.

• 1:02:20Speaker 03

  By the way, I swear to God, when he went duh, duh, duh, I thought he called you.

• 1:02:24Christina Pazsitzky?

  Oh.

• 1:02:24Speaker 03

  I thought he went.

• 1:02:26Speaker 03

  I was like, oh no, he's doing like musical notes.

• 1:02:28Christina Pazsitzky?

  I think you just think I'm a.

• 1:02:29Speaker 03

  No, cuz you just said, they know what a bitch I can be. And then in the middle of his thing, he went dun, dun.

• 1:02:35Christina Pazsitzky?

  Oh, yeah.

• 1:02:37Speaker 03

  Are you with me today? Are you with me?

• 1:02:39Christina Pazsitzky?

  No, I'm not. I'm not anywhere.

• 1:02:40Speaker 03

  You're not? You didn't remember the guy was a lawyer?

• 1:02:42Christina Pazsitzky?

  No, I'm drinking. I'm drinking. I'm, come on, I'm barely here right now.

• 1:02:47Speaker 03

  I wish I could.

• 1:02:48Christina Pazsitzky?

  I'm not on earth yet.

• 1:02:49Speaker 03

  If I didn't have to leave town tomorrow, I'd be drinking with you right now.

• 1:02:52Christina Pazsitzky?

  Why is it leaving town that's gonna prohibit you from having fun?

• 1:02:55Speaker 03

  I get very, um, the night before I have to, I have a very travel-heavy weekend to a bunch of different places. And just the night before a trip like that, I can't. I'm just, I get very overwhelmed. I get very anxious.

• 1:03:09Christina Pazsitzky?

  Which is why you should drink even more. I mean, what's wrong with you?

• 1:03:12Speaker 03

  I'm no stranger to the, I know, yeah.

• 1:03:14Christina Pazsitzky?

  But full disclosure, like, I think I, honestly, my brain has not been normal the last few months. Cuz you know, you deals with, you deal with so much. It's like, ugh, I just try to make it through the fucking, the afternoon. Okay.

• 1:03:26Speaker 03

  I hear you.

• 1:03:26Christina Pazsitzky?

  Okay, here we go. Here we go.

• 1:03:29Speaker 00

  Hey, this is for Christina there.

• 1:03:32Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah.

• 1:03:32Speaker 00

  Um, I know you're looking for a mate. Um, uh, a good-looking thirty-year-old, uh. Meow, oop, sorry. That's my kitty cat. Meow. What's up, man? Meow.

• 1:03:48Speaker 03

  Oh, boy.

• 1:03:48Speaker 00

  Sorry, that's my cat. He's absolutely in love with me. Oh, I heard you were a cat, meow, cat girl. Um, oh, he just loved me so much. Meow, meow. Um, there's the other one. Oh, dude, you know, these cats, meow, absolutely love me.

• 1:04:02Christina Pazsitzky?

  Wow.

• 1:04:03Speaker 00

  Um, thought maybe it would impress you, um, to know that, uh, like, meow, my cats love me. So, uh, yeah, take it how it is. Um.

• 1:04:16Speaker 00

  Later, baby.

• 1:04:18Christina Pazsitzky?

  Okay, can I just request too, if you guys are gonna leave something on the hotline, leave your photograph too? Like, I, I need to see who I'm dealing with. I can't just go on audio alone. Like, I appreciate that he loves cats as much as I do. So that's an admirable attempt.

• 1:04:36Speaker 03

  Um, you like that he's pretending there's cats there? Yeah. I also am against, I'm gonna rule, or not rule, I'm gonna vote against.

• 1:04:47Christina Pazsitzky?

  What?

• 1:04:47Speaker 03

  The photograph.

• 1:04:48Christina Pazsitzky?

  Why?

• 1:04:49Speaker 03

  Sleepless in Seattle, baby. Make it a real romance, fall in love the old-fashioned way, and meet. It's Austin, Texas. Meet him at the front of the mothership. On New Year's Eve.

• 1:05:04Christina Pazsitzky?

  With security?

• 1:05:05Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 1:05:06Christina Pazsitzky?

  With Rogan security? God damn. Are you saying I should select my top suitor from the hotline and then meet them at mothership?

• 1:05:15Speaker 03

  I'm, I'm.

• 1:05:16Christina Pazsitzky?

  With security?

• 1:05:16Speaker 03

  I'm doing.

• 1:05:17Christina Pazsitzky?

  It's not a bad idea.

• 1:05:18Speaker 03

  Yeah, I'm doing a play on Sleepless in Seattle, but they didn't see each other till they meet at the top of, uh, what building did they meet in, in that movie?

• 1:05:24Christina Pazsitzky?

  The Empire State Building. But here, right? But here's the deal, man.

• 1:05:27Speaker 03

  Yeah, it is the Empire.

• 1:05:27Christina Pazsitzky?

  That was like early internet. There were only ten people on the internet back then. So like, you had to be, A, well-to-do, I'm assuming, to be able to afford such a thing, and B, a little smarter than the average bear to get online.

• 1:05:41Speaker 03

  That, well, that movie, they do it through radio.

• 1:05:45Christina Pazsitzky?

  No.

• 1:05:46Speaker 03

  Yeah, it's a talk. No, you're thinking of You've Got Mail.

• 1:05:49Christina Pazsitzky?

  Oh, fuck, I love Meg Ryan.

• 1:05:51Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 1:05:51Christina Pazsitzky?

  I know.

• 1:05:52Speaker 03

  I love You've Got Mail.

• 1:05:53Christina Pazsitzky?

  Oh, I'm thinking of Sleepless in Seattle. Same shit. Isn't it the same thing? Tom Hanks and Meg Ryan?

• 1:05:58Speaker 03

  It's, yeah, You've Got Mail was their, you know, they came back together and did You Got Mail. Both are Nora Ephron.

• 1:06:05Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah, I like Nora Ephron.

• 1:06:06Speaker 03

  The queen, rest in peace, to just one of the true greats. Um, but, but I, I don't, I like Sleep. Sleep in Seattle is a better movie.

• 1:06:17Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah.

• 1:06:18Speaker 03

  But I don't like it as much as You've Got Mail, because You've Got Mail has a whimsical thing about it. Sleep in Seattle is kind of sad. He's very busted up because his.

• 1:06:26Christina Pazsitzky?

  His wife died. He lives on a boathouse?

• 1:06:29Speaker 03

  Yeah, and he, and yeah, and it's his kid is trying to make it happen. And there's, there's just this, there's a sort of a, there's a somberness to it. You've Got Mail is a remake of a movie called The Shop Around the Corner.

• 1:06:41Christina Pazsitzky?

  How do you know this?

• 1:06:42Speaker 03

  Cuz I own it. And one of the bonus features is the movie, The Shop Around the Corner, that it's based on.

• 1:06:48Christina Pazsitzky?

  The bonus features to You've Got Mail?

• 1:06:50Speaker 03

  I watched the original movie. And the original movie is kind of fun, like, and it's, it's not even the original, original, no, yeah, yes, it is. It is, sorry. But, um.

• 1:07:00Speaker 03

  Yeah, The Shop Around the Corner, it's an old romantic film. I forget who stars in it.

• 1:07:03Christina Pazsitzky?

  I can't believe you know this.

• 1:07:05Speaker 03

  But You've Got Mail is very, oh yeah, it's James Stewart.

• 1:07:08Christina Pazsitzky?

  Oh, I like James Stewart.

• 1:07:10Speaker 03

  You've Got Mail is very, there's something very light, and it's very New York.

• 1:07:14Christina Pazsitzky?

  Hmm.

• 1:07:15Speaker 03

  That's a movie I wa, I have movies I watch every fall.

• 1:07:18Christina Pazsitzky?

  Mm-hmm.

• 1:07:19Speaker 03

  To get ready for, you know, Thanksgiving.

• 1:07:22Christina Pazsitzky?

  The changing of seasons.

• 1:07:24Speaker 03

  So I watch horror movies October, cuz it's Halloween.

• 1:07:26Christina Pazsitzky?

  Obviously.

• 1:07:27Speaker 03

  Yeah, then November, I switch to movies that take place in autumn in New York.

• 1:07:32Christina Pazsitzky?

  Mm-hmm.

• 1:07:33Speaker 03

  Uh, so When Harry Met Sally.

• 1:07:34Christina Pazsitzky?

  Oh, classic. Great, great.

• 1:07:36Speaker 03

  You've Got Mail.

• 1:07:37Christina Pazsitzky?

  Great.

• 1:07:38Speaker 03

  Hannah and her sisters.

• 1:07:39Christina Pazsitzky?

  You're gay.

• 1:07:42Christina Pazsitzky?

  In the best way. I love you so much more.

• 1:07:44Speaker 03

  Thank you.

• 1:07:44Christina Pazsitzky?

  I, like, I love you more now that I know this about you. Like, I didn't realize. I just thought you just listened to, like, crazy music and watched horror movies and just was like angry about stuff. But you're, you've, you've got a nice little sensitive heart, too.

• 1:07:56Speaker 03

  I'm extraordinarily sensitive.

• 1:07:58Christina Pazsitzky?

  Oh.

• 1:07:59Speaker 03

  I'm very effeminate.

• 1:08:01Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah.

• 1:08:02Speaker 03

  Very effeminate in many ways.

• 1:08:04Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah.

• 1:08:04Speaker 03

  People think that I'm just a dickhead.

• 1:08:06Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah, that's what I thought. I thought you were just a dick. No, I don't think you're a dick. But that's lovely. I like that you admit publicly to millions of people that you watch Sleepless in Seattle every fall.

• 1:08:16Speaker 03

  No, no, no, You've Got Mail.

• 1:08:17Christina Pazsitzky?

  Sorry, you've, sorry. You've got, and, and the bonus is that.

• 1:08:20Speaker 03

  When Harry Met Sally.

• 1:08:20Christina Pazsitzky?

  You knew that shop around the corner.

• 1:08:22Speaker 03

  Yeah, yeah.

• 1:08:24Christina Pazsitzky?

  Hold on, I gotta take a piss before we get into the other thing. Just give me one second.

• 1:08:28Speaker 03

  Go ahead.

• 1:08:29Christina Pazsitzky?

  Do you have to piss?

• 1:08:29Speaker 03

  Nope. I, you know what, what I do love, though? I love High Fidelity.

• 1:08:33Christina Pazsitzky?

  I was just gonna ask. I love High Fidelity. Can I talk, can we talk some gay shit?

• 1:08:37Speaker 03

  Let's talk to High Fidelity, because I just, I went into a depression watching High Fidelity the other day.

• 1:08:41Christina Pazsitzky?

  I always do too, because I want John Cusack to grow up in that movie. And, okay, first of all, I'm a huge John Cusack fan.

• 1:08:48Speaker 03

  I love John Cusack.

• 1:08:49Christina Pazsitzky?

  I, he quit, uh, acting, so.

• 1:08:53Speaker 03

  Yeah, it's, it's weird. He was in a lot of very unknown, um, like, action movies in recent years that were very, like, didn't, I don't think they got theatrical, they may or may not have. But they were kind of the equivalent of like when we used to see, like, straight to video.

• 1:09:09Christina Pazsitzky?

  Oh, Point Blank, gross Point Blank, amazing.

• 1:09:12Speaker 03

  That's a good one.

• 1:09:13Christina Pazsitzky?

  But High Fidelity, is it, no, no, no, the series too, with Zoe Kravitz. Oh, my God.

• 1:09:19Speaker 03

  And I didn't put it together until I watched the movie the other week. I was like, oh my God, her mom is in the, in the movie.

• 1:09:25Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah, he fucked her mom.

• 1:09:26Speaker 03

  Yeah, and I forgot about that. And then, I love the series. My friend Justin was in the series.

• 1:09:31Christina Pazsitzky?

  Oh, what did he play?

• 1:09:32Speaker 03

  He played one of the guys she dates. He played the guy, the guy she dates where they're making out in the laundromat.

• 1:09:38Christina Pazsitzky?

  I don't remember that much, but.

• 1:09:39Speaker 03

  And it was like a very, he's, he's, he's almost like the, um, uh, Christ, what's her name? The mom?

• 1:09:49Christina Pazsitzky?

  Uh, yeah.

• 1:09:50Speaker 03

  From the Cosby Show.

• 1:09:51Christina Pazsitzky?

  I know. Denise.

• 1:09:52Speaker 03

  I'm blanking on her name.

• 1:09:54Christina Pazsitzky?

  Fucking name.

• 1:09:55Speaker 03

  What the hell's her name?

• 1:09:56Christina Pazsitzky?

  Come on, she's gor, she's the most beautiful woman on the fucking planet.

• 1:09:59Speaker 03

  She's not the mom.

• 1:10:00Christina Pazsitzky?

  Nah.

• 1:10:00Speaker 03

  She's the daughter.

• 1:10:01Christina Pazsitzky?

  She's the el, not the second, the second eldest. Come on, Zoe Kravitz's mom.

• 1:10:06Speaker 03

  Lisa Bonet. She, um.

• 1:10:09Christina Pazsitzky?

  Stunning.

• 1:10:10Speaker 03

  So he almost plays like the Lisa Bonet character. He's somebody, or he plays somebody that she has a very quick and like sexual relationship with, but it doesn't turn into anything.

• 1:10:21Christina Pazsitzky?

  Okay.

• 1:10:22Speaker 03

  Um, but I loved the series. I was so sad that it didn't get a second, um, season. Cuz at the end, oh, at the end, when she realizes this guy that is so square and like, sort of a jockey, kind of financie, whatever, like, who she would never date, she realizes this is actually who I'm supposed to be with. And then he goes to her and he's basically like, when you grow up, you can come talk to me. It's like, and I was like, what is gonna happen? Like, what a great will-they-won't-they ending. And then we didn't get a fucking season two. It makes me so mad. I wanna meet Zoe Kravitz, just so I can ask her.

• 1:11:05Christina Pazsitzky?

  Gorgeous.

• 1:11:05Speaker 03

  What was season two gonna be? Cuz I bet she knew.

• 1:11:08Christina Pazsitzky?

  I'd be gay for Zoe Kravitz, or her mom. I'd be gay for her mom.

• 1:11:11Speaker 03

  Lisa Bonet is still like, smoking.

• 1:11:15Christina Pazsitzky?

  God damn it. So you know what I love from High Fidelity is when, um, he, you know, he works in the record store during the day, which is like.

• 1:11:22Speaker 03

  He owns it.

• 1:11:22Christina Pazsitzky?

  A dream guy. You're like, oh, this guy's like a sensitive emo weirdo.

• 1:11:26Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 1:11:27Christina Pazsitzky?

  And he plays that Beta Band song, and he's like, watch this. And he, and that's like the greatest song ever. It got me into the Beta Band, which I love. Um, yeah, I love him.

• 1:11:37Speaker 03

  I watched that movie. I had never, I had never seen it straight through. I'd seen it like in pieces. And then the other week I was just like, why have I never sat down and just watched this straight through? And I was like, you know what? I need a pick me up. I'm feeling kind of down. And I got even more sad because it reminded me of this New York that I got to experience that in my opinion, doesn't really exist anymore. And I was like, I just want to go back to this time. I want to go back to when like, you could theoretically own a record store and make a living.

• 1:12:15Christina Pazsitzky?

  Dude, how great would it be to own a record store? I would love to.

• 1:12:19Speaker 03

  And I guess you still could, but I can't even imagine. My friend Sean owns a record store. I have two friends, Kurt and Sean, that both own different record stores in the same town in Pennsylvania. Shout outs to both of them. The Record Shop and Forever Changes are the names of the two. They're great shops. And they love it, but they're there every day. They run their store. And it's awesome. Like it's, when I, I used to live right down the street from both. I could walk to both. And I would go into those stores on a Saturday and like, they'd be, they weren't huge. So like if there was 10 people in the store, it was pretty crowded. And you'd go in, there'd be 10 people and they're playing music and they knew everything in the store.

• 1:13:03Speaker 03

  And like, I'd go in and like, they would both like on record store day, hold releases for me. You know, so I get to go in and Sean would be like, hey man, I got that Wu-Tang limited edition for you, you know, whatever. Like I, it just seems like such a lovely, what are we doing? What are we doing in this awful business we're in? What have we done? Is it too late? Is it too late to move to Pennsylvania and open a record store?

• 1:13:29Christina Pazsitzky?

  You still can. You just won't make any money because nobody really buys. I love records. I still buy them. I go here in Texas in Austin to Waterloo and I, yeah, I love it.

• 1:13:40Speaker 03

  I love Waterloo. I love Waterloo. I miss the old location.

• 1:13:44Christina Pazsitzky?

  Same. The new one is like, it's weird. It's like in a corporate building. I'm like, what are we doing guys?

• 1:13:50Speaker 03

  It's a little different. It's still great. My happy place is still going to Waterloo to the movie section. I love going in and shopping for Blu-rays and 4Ks and stuff. Like I'm very, I get very lost in that section. End of an Ear is great here in Austin.

• 1:14:08Christina Pazsitzky?

  Oh.

• 1:14:08Speaker 03

  End of an Ear is an awesome record shop.

• 1:14:11Christina Pazsitzky?

  But see, I like.

• 1:14:12Speaker 03

  That's a little more like the high fidelity kind of record.

• 1:14:14Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah. I like alt-y. I, you know me, I'm the goth weird. Like, you know, okay. Well, hold on. We're totally ignoring these gentlemen suitors. I gotta find a new stepdad. Here we go. Oh, put your headphones on. Oh, John Cusack. He was my first love.

• 1:14:32Speaker 03

  So he's, but what I was saying real quick was. Yeah, he kinda, he's still around, but did you see the video that just came out of him with the Rizler?

• 1:14:41Christina Pazsitzky?

  No. I saw him being like, I don't do acting anymore.

• 1:14:45Speaker 03

  He, the Rizler was doing some event and John Cusack shows up and goes up to him and does the Rizler face to him. And the caption was like, it was like a news story and they were like, John Cusack appeared for five seconds to do the Rizler's thing to the Rizler and then disappeared again. He's like Batman.

• 1:15:04Christina Pazsitzky?

  So rad. Alright, let's see.

• 1:15:14Speaker 03

  And he's gone.

• 1:15:18Christina Pazsitzky?

  I love him. Sweetheart. And his sister's insanely funny.

• 1:15:23Speaker 03

  Oh, Joan Cusack rules.

• 1:15:24Christina Pazsitzky?

  Joan Cusack is so fucking cool.

• 1:15:26Speaker 03

  She rules.

• 1:15:26Christina Pazsitzky?

  God, I want to be Joan Cusack. I wanted Malibu Barbie. She's in the Addams Family.

• 1:15:34Speaker 03

  My Blue Heaven is one of my favorite movies.

• 1:15:36Christina Pazsitzky?

  Oh, yeah, yeah. I remember that one. Yeah.

• 1:15:38Speaker 03

  And she's amazing in it. And one of the greatest lines of all time is in My Blue Heaven, Steve Martin is trying to hook Rick Moranis up with Joan Cusack's character. And he goes, you should date her, man. She'd be good for you. And Rick Moranis is like, I don't know. Cause he's going through a divorce. He goes, if she's so great, why don't you date her? And Steve Martin goes, she's not my type. I don't know. I like them like dirty or something.

• 1:16:07Christina Pazsitzky?

  It's our childhood. Okay. Here we go. Let's, let's hear my other suitor.

• 1:16:11Speaker 07

  Hello, this message is for Christina.

• 1:16:13Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah, we know.

• 1:16:13Speaker 07

  Hello, mommy.

• 1:16:14Christina Pazsitzky?

  Hi.

• 1:16:14Speaker 07

  This is John.

• 1:16:16Christina Pazsitzky?

  Hi.

• 1:16:16Speaker 07

  Thirty-six year old.

• 1:16:18Christina Pazsitzky?

  Thirty-six.

• 1:16:18Speaker 07

  With a big heart and a bigger smile. I think you're incredible and I want to share a poem I wrote with you.

• 1:16:25Christina Pazsitzky?

  Oh.

• 1:16:26Speaker 07

  And it goes like this.

• 1:16:29Speaker 07

  The feeling I get is so genuine and true, like a spiritual awakening. My God, I found you. I found you in a haze of an illusion of life. I found you in a maze before I knew which way was right. The path is now clear. There's a sign at every turn. My heart and soul on fire and all I could do is let it burn. A flame so intense like every star at night. The feeling of oneness that lets us know we'll be alright. Should a tear have never felt so secure? I'm lovesick and you could keep the cure. Whether I die in love and live love's lost, say goodbye to loves. Is that where the cost? But it's what makes life worth living, makes greedy people forthgiving like a blessing in disguise. If the truth, there is no lie. Thank you. Take care.

• 1:17:14Speaker 03

  See? Now this is the guy you meet in front of the mothership.

• 1:17:18Christina Pazsitzky?

  This is the guy.

• 1:17:19Speaker 03

  That's a good one.

• 1:17:20Christina Pazsitzky?

  This is the guy. And by the way, he worked in a Cure reference, my spiritual awakening reference. Here's the one thing, if he had worked in a Bauhaus, Peter Murphy, it would, I would have just married him on the spot, but this is great.

• 1:17:31Speaker 03

  It is great.

• 1:17:32Christina Pazsitzky?

  I'm meeting this guy. You tell John he's a contender.

• 1:17:35Speaker 03

  And you don't want it, you don't want them to hit every note?

• 1:17:39Christina Pazsitzky?

  Right. You have to leave room for growth.

• 1:17:41Speaker 03

  Right. Cause if they hit every note, you get misled and you go, oh, this must be fate. And then it's not.

• 1:17:47Christina Pazsitzky?

  That's true. You don't want it too high expectations. You gotta keep it. So how do I, okay. So how do I go into that? Give me a pep talk. Like, how do I?

• 1:17:56Speaker 03

  Go into what?

• 1:17:57Christina Pazsitzky?

  Like I meet John and I'm, my expectations are too high. Like I just go like, oh, this could be cool.

• 1:18:02Speaker 03

  No, no, no. That's not what I was saying. What I'm saying is, is let's say he had referenced every one of your favorite bands.

• 1:18:07Christina Pazsitzky?

  Sure, sure.

• 1:18:07Speaker 03

  Then you're sitting there going, well, this must be the person because he knows everything I love. And he loves what I love. You don't want that. There's never been a situation.

• 1:18:18Christina Pazsitzky?

  True.

• 1:18:19Speaker 03

  Where I've ended, every single time I have met a woman and thought, well, this must be it. Because of all these, I mean, my God, she, she loves my favorite horror movie and my favorite band is her favorite band. It must be. It's never that. You always end up, I always, whenever I've dated somebody with any sort of substantial, whatever, it has always been somebody that I have very little on the surface in common with. Our personalities match. But it's somebody that I end up showing stuff I love to.

• 1:18:50Christina Pazsitzky?

  Oh, right.

• 1:18:51Speaker 03

  And then they show you stuff they love and that's way better. What's way better than let's go experience the thing we both love is you show me something you love and then I love it. And then you're like, they get it.

• 1:19:03Christina Pazsitzky?

  But what if they don't love it and you love it and then you're heartbroken because they don't have the same sensibilities and creative stuff? And listen, you and I are dorks in a similar way. Like your thing is movies. My thing is music. And like, I'd be heartbroken if I played a Bauhaus record for my new crush and he was like, this is fucking gay shit. I hate it.

• 1:19:24Speaker 03

  Well, it depends on how they don't like it.

• 1:19:28Speaker 03

  There's a way to not like something where it doesn't sound like a judgment against you.

• 1:19:32Christina Pazsitzky?

  True story.

• 1:19:33Speaker 03

  That's different. That's different. But if somebody doesn't like, but then there's also like a kind of charming and funny version of that. Like there's a, there is something charming about like the king of queens dynamic, where she doesn't get why he loves Cheetos and the big screen TV as much as she does. And that she'll be like, you're an idiot. You know what I mean? But like, but she loves him and he loves her. And doesn't get why she loves makeup and, and you know, wants to go to these fancy events and whatnot. Like.

• 1:20:02Christina Pazsitzky?

  Right.

• 1:20:03Speaker 03

  There's something very sweet about that.

• 1:20:04Christina Pazsitzky?

  Well, at the end of the day too, like, you know, guys and girls are different. I don't know if you know that.

• 1:20:09Speaker 03

  Yeah, I heard.

• 1:20:10Christina Pazsitzky?

  But they're different.

• 1:20:11Speaker 03

  I heard.

• 1:20:12Christina Pazsitzky?

  And like a dude's not going to like exactly the same stuff you like because he's got a dick and balls and stuff.

• 1:20:19Speaker 03

  Like I like, I'm not submitting myself as a suitor. I'm just using myself as an example. Yeah, but I'm just saying, I don't want you to think that I'm submitting myself as a suitor when I use myself as an example. You, uh, I don't like Bauhaus, but there's no doubt in my mind that we would find as friends, other bands that we both loved. But there'd be bands I like that you thought sucked and there'd be bands that you liked that I wasn't into.

• 1:20:45Christina Pazsitzky?

  All your bands suck, though. Like, you, what's the name of the Fu Manchu's?

• 1:20:49Speaker 03

  Don't you dare. They're the greatest band of all time and you still haven't listened to them to even-

• 1:20:53Christina Pazsitzky?

  Because you haven't sent me anything.

• 1:20:54Speaker 03

  I sent it to you and you didn't listen to it.

• 1:20:56Christina Pazsitzky?

  You didn't send it to me.

• 1:20:58Speaker 03

  They're the greatest band of all time.

• 1:20:59Christina Pazsitzky?

  Okay, resend it to me and I'll give it a listen.

• 1:21:01Speaker 03

  But here's my, I'll send it to you. But my point is this, if you didn't like them,

• 1:21:07Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah.

• 1:21:07Speaker 03

  Uh, or didn't like, uh, I don't fucking know, Run DMC or something else that I-

• 1:21:13Christina Pazsitzky?

  Everybody likes Run DMC. Everybody.

• 1:21:15Speaker 03

  Ice T. I don't know. I'm just, I'm throwing out examples of whatever. We would still have The Faith No More, where we go, now, see, we both like that.

• 1:21:24Christina Pazsitzky?

  That's true.

• 1:21:25Speaker 03

  And then you'd have your Bauhaus and I go, I'm into it. But then we line up on this.

• 1:21:29Christina Pazsitzky?

  That's true.

• 1:21:29Speaker 03

  So my point is, is that's, that's, you can have that with the guy you date and it's, it doesn't all have to be, no, it lines up exactly. Look at you and Tom. You and Tom do like all the same shit.

• 1:21:42Christina Pazsitzky?

  I was just gonna say that, I don't think Tom and I crossed lines on what we liked, uh, occasionally. Yeah, like some rap stuff we both like. He liked some of my weird goth stuff every now and then. That was enough. That was enough.

• 1:21:55Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 1:21:56Christina Pazsitzky?

  But, you know, I've never, I haven't dated anybody that likes what I like and, since I was like a teenager. So I don't know. But maybe that's because I was a teenager.

• 1:22:05Speaker 03

  It's hard.

• 1:22:06Christina Pazsitzky?

  You're retarded when you're 15.

• 1:22:08Speaker 03

  You know, I thought like for years, excuse me, I thought, and I'm not saying I'm against it.

• 1:22:14Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah.

• 1:22:15Speaker 03

  But I thought for years I had to date a girl that had, you know, tattoos and, and worked in nightlife and loved going to concerts. And so we could do all these thi- and I was like, the older I get, I'm like, you don't need that. You need things that count much more in other departments. And it doesn't matter if she likes the same bands I like. What matters is, is are we having fun together? Can we find common ground with another thing? Great. Great. But, you know, I think that there's a reason that hasn't happened since you were a teenager.

• 1:22:50Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah, that's true.

• 1:22:51Speaker 03

  It's a teenage thing. You don't have anything else to worry about when you're a teenager. You have things-

• 1:22:56Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah, that's so true.

• 1:22:58Speaker 03

  Consider now. You don't want a guy that loves Bauhaus and then doesn't know how to act around your kids.

• 1:23:03Christina Pazsitzky?

  That's true. Well, yeah, no one's meeting my kids. There's, there's no, no. Um, that's true. I've always gone for like worldview and morality to be the most important thing. Like, I don't care if you're what religion or whatever, but if you're moral and you get it, I think that's most important, right?

• 1:23:22Speaker 03

  Can you, for, yeah, can you, um, okay, forget what bands do you like. Are you able to have a conversation and be friendly with somebody that doesn't agree with you politically? Without being a freak about it? It's like, that's so much more important to me than, because it's like, this is who I'm gonna have to sit at the dinner table with at a holiday.

• 1:23:42Christina Pazsitzky?

  Oh my god.

• 1:23:43Speaker 03

  And if they can't, if they're one of these like, I'm sorry, but I'm just gonna have to-

• 1:23:48Christina Pazsitzky?

  Embarrassing you at every fucking family function and they have to get their political things out? I would kill myself.

• 1:23:56Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 1:23:56Christina Pazsitzky?

  If they're arguing with your grandma or your dad about this, god damn, that's insufferable.

• 1:24:01Speaker 03

  Right.

• 1:24:02Christina Pazsitzky?

  That is insufferable. I agree. Thank god, no, Tommy's not, he's never been like that. No, that would run me into the ground.

• 1:24:09Speaker 03

  Yeah, it's fucking awful. It's fucking awful. And then if they go, Bau sucks. You go, alright, you didn't yell at my nana, so there's a trade off.

• 1:24:18Christina Pazsitzky?

  Oh, good. Fuck.

• 1:24:21Speaker 03

  There's a trade off here.

• 1:24:23Christina Pazsitzky?

  Trying to think what the most insufferable, I think inflexibility is insufferable. Like, I think, um, I mean, Tom and I were never like this, but for instance, if you go on a vacation with somebody and let's say they're into fitness and they're into eating clean and they're into da, da, da, da, da. But you can't go a week without blowing it or just getting, you know what I mean? Like, just let it rip, dude, for like one week. Can you just be a human and let it all go? That's an insufferable quality to me.

• 1:24:54Speaker 03

  You wanna be with the person that goes, we gotta get back on track.

• 1:24:58Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah.

• 1:24:59Speaker 03

  Not the person that never gets off track.

• 1:25:01Christina Pazsitzky?

  A hundred percent, yes.

• 1:25:02Speaker 03

  Because now you got a support system and you have somebody that's like trying to do the right thing for both of you.

• 1:25:07Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah.

• 1:25:07Speaker 03

  But can still have fun.

• 1:25:08Christina Pazsitzky?

  Have fun. I think that's the secret to, to whatever, friends and everything. You don't want people that are like rigid, because that's just no fun to be around.

• 1:25:17Speaker 03

  I used to, I'm sorry.

• 1:25:18Christina Pazsitzky?

  And racist. But you love racist shit, right?

• 1:25:21Speaker 03

  It's tops. Yeah. When I wrote on the Pete Holmes Show, when he had his talk show on TBS.

• 1:25:28Christina Pazsitzky?

  Love Pete Holmes.

• 1:25:29Speaker 03

  I was talking to him as I walked up to the door today.

• 1:25:32Christina Pazsitzky?

  No way. How's he doing?

• 1:25:33Speaker 03

  He's doing great. And he's one of my favorite people to talk to, one of my oldest friends in comedy.

• 1:25:38Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah.

• 1:25:39Speaker 03

  But we wrote a monologue for the show once, because his, his monologues were always conceptual. They were never like topical jokes. It was always like a premise. But I think the monologue was called Smoke the Cigarette. And it was just like, for Christ sakes, like, you're at the thing, let it go. If you're at the Dodger game, eat the fucking hot dog.

• 1:26:00Christina Pazsitzky?

  I know.

• 1:26:01Speaker 03

  Nobody wants to be with the guy that takes a pear out of his pocket.

• 1:26:03Christina Pazsitzky?

  Oh my god.

• 1:26:04Speaker 03

  In the napkin and-

• 1:26:05Christina Pazsitzky?

  Totally.

• 1:26:06Speaker 03

  You know?

• 1:26:06Christina Pazsitzky?

  And I think a month and, like, being in Europe for a month and where they're way more relaxed about smoking and drinking and vice, um, because they've existed for thousands of years and they're like, yeah, of course you're gonna drink, of course you're gonna, of course you're gonna do these normal things. The abnormal thing is to wake up every morning and go, I'm gonna hit the gym, I'm gonna eat totally clean, I'm gonna be perfect. It's like, that's not really human. That's, that to me is less human than the one that's like, yeah, fuck it, you know, today we're gonna, let's eat some fucking ice cream.

• 1:26:39Speaker 03

  It's, yeah, it's, it's regimented people. You, you, you want somebody who is structured, not regimented.

• 1:26:46Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah.

• 1:26:47Speaker 03

  Regiment-

• 1:26:48Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah, I agree. Structure. You need to have some parameters, but not like, like they can't enjoy their lives. Okay, hold on, but we're still in my suitors. Let's, here we go, babes.

• 1:26:56Speaker 00

  Uh, this message is for Christina. Um, I heard you're single now. My name's Justin, 41, male, Pennsylvania. Um, I don't do any butt stuff. I think you're super hot.

• 1:27:08Christina Pazsitzky?

  I don't do butt stuff.

• 1:27:08Speaker 00

  I'm depressed too. We got so much fun. Um, I'm not Puerto Rican.

• 1:27:14Christina Pazsitzky?

  That's okay.

• 1:27:15Speaker 00

  But, you know, hey mommy.

• 1:27:17Christina Pazsitzky?

  Hey, baby.

• 1:27:18Speaker 00

  Hit me up. I'll be around. Thanks, babe.

• 1:27:21Christina Pazsitzky?

  But I didn't know anything about him, other than he's depressed and from Pennsylvania, which I, fine, depressed, great, samezies, but like, Pennsylvanian depressed, that's it?

• 1:27:32Speaker 03

  He's try, he's exactly what I was just saying. He's trying to commiserate, commiserate's not the right word. He's trying to congregate over the wrong things.

• 1:27:39Christina Pazsitzky?

  Hmm. Yeah, because I'm depressed, but not depressed all the time. Like, I'm actually a really happy person, but then like I accept the darkness inside of me. Like, I live in a constant dichotomy of like, dark but not depressed.

• 1:27:53Speaker 03

  Well, yeah, it's, yeah. I, I'm the same way. And it's like, it's actually one of the reasons why on the, on the podcast, I'm, I'm trying to do, I'm trying to incorporate more rants that are just contemplative and like, some of them are celebratory. I don't want it to all be-

• 1:28:13Christina Pazsitzky?

  You mean contemplative? And you said cusac, you said cusac, and I don't, I think it's cusac.

• 1:28:19Speaker 03

  Either way.

• 1:28:19Christina Pazsitzky?

  And I think it's contemplative. Am I right? I'm a foreigner, so I don't often, it's upsetting me that you're pronouncing these words wrong.

• 1:28:28Speaker 03

  We're not sure that either are wrong.

• 1:28:29Christina Pazsitzky?

  No, it's not the way to, um, it's contemplative and it's cusac.

• 1:28:34Speaker 03

  This attitude immediately. I'd, I'd really cut this out of the courting process if this is, because everybody loves someone that corrects them. I wish I was-

• 1:28:51Christina Pazsitzky?

  We're not dating, though. Why can't you be like-

• 1:28:54Speaker 03

  No, I'm telling you with other people. I'm not saying-

• 1:28:56Christina Pazsitzky?

  I'm not gonna correct like a potential suitor.

• 1:28:59Speaker 03

  I, I-

• 1:29:00Christina Pazsitzky?

  I can play the game.

• 1:29:01Speaker 03

  Hold on, let's pretend we're on a first date. I want you to do what you just, we're in a restaurant.

• 1:29:04Christina Pazsitzky?

  You're pronouncing it wrong.

• 1:29:05Speaker 03

  No, go, I think it's-

• 1:29:06Christina Pazsitzky?

  I think it's contemplative.

• 1:29:09Speaker 03

  We have that, no, I know we just have water, but I'll take whatever we up, just pay now. Don't, I, I don't need it.

• 1:29:16Christina Pazsitzky?

  Joe, you're my, you're my friend and I can do that to you?

• 1:29:21Speaker 03

  I know you can.

• 1:29:21Christina Pazsitzky?

  I would never do that with like a suitor.

• 1:29:24Speaker 03

  As your friend, I'm telling you, don't do that.

• 1:29:27Christina Pazsitzky?

  I would never. I would never. Okay, but is it, is it what?

• 1:29:32Speaker 01

  Contemplative.

• 1:29:34Speaker 03

  All right.

• 1:29:34Christina Pazsitzky?

  Okay.

• 1:29:35Speaker 03

  I didn't say you were wrong. I just said, don't do that on a date.

• 1:29:39Christina Pazsitzky?

  I would never. Oh my god. I'm just being a c- on the podcast, but go ahead.

• 1:29:42Speaker 03

  Yeah, I know. No, anyway, uh, my point was that I'm, I tried, I'm trying to incorporate things that aren't always, this is annoying and it's, because you don't, it's, I don't, you don't want to invite that energy all the time. It's okay that it's part of you, but it's like-

• 1:30:00Christina Pazsitzky?

  I agree. Well, because like you don't want to build a whole relationship with somebody based on shit you hate, which is what comics do. Actually, I take that back. For comedic friendships, it's absolutely based on the same shit you hate and who you talk shit about together. Like, that's imperative. That's what defines us. But I think maybe in relationship worlds, like, shouldn't it be based on like positive things?

• 1:30:26Speaker 03

  You need the positives. I am, I am very aware of the large chunk of my personality that goes towards, god fucking damn it, ugh. And when I'm dating somebody, I really try to keep that in its own place. And if I do slip into it, I'm very cognizant to say, hey, I'm sorry. I don't mean to be complaining. I'm just, I don't want to, and I've said to girls, like, you know what? I don't want, they'll be like, how's this thing going? And it's a thing that I know is not good. And I go, I don't want to waste our time focusing on that. Let's, let's talk about something good.

• 1:31:05Christina Pazsitzky?

  Smart, smart. Yeah. Okay, this guy's name is Lou. Very excited.

• 1:31:11Speaker 03

  Lou? Hey mommy, my name is Lou. Heard you were looking for a man.

• 1:31:17Speaker 00

  Wife and kids. Might be fine with it. A little bit about me.

• 1:31:23Christina Pazsitzky?

  No.

• 1:31:25Speaker 00

  Rock hard.

• 1:31:26Christina Pazsitzky?

  No, Lou.

• 1:31:27Speaker 00

  You know what the deal is.

• 1:31:28Christina Pazsitzky?

  Okay, I'm stopping it. I'll hear him out, but like, I'm not gonna.

• 1:31:31Speaker 00

  Call me babe.

• 1:31:32Christina Pazsitzky?

  Call me babe, I'm, I've got a wife and kids, but I'm hard.

• 1:31:36Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 1:31:38Christina Pazsitzky?

  Why would I ruin this man's family?

• 1:31:40Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 1:31:40Christina Pazsitzky?

  Cause he's got a hard dick, so does everybody.

• 1:31:42Speaker 03

  Well, he was saying he's four inches hard. He's saying he has a small dick.

• 1:31:45Christina Pazsitzky?

  Oh, I don't want four inches hard.

• 1:31:47Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 1:31:47Christina Pazsitzky?

  I'm sorry, I didn't hear that.

• 1:31:49Speaker 03

  He was doing this, well, today, this is, you didn't, there's a few things.

• 1:31:53Christina Pazsitzky?

  No, I know, Joe, look.

• 1:31:55Speaker 03

  I'm just joking, I'm just teasing you, I'm sorry.

• 1:31:56Christina Pazsitzky?

  I know, but like, I don't, um, I'm not as savvy with like dude chatter, cause I haven't engaged in it for like 20 years, so you do need to help me decode. I don't hear it, cause I'm like, this is insane.

• 1:32:09Speaker 03

  Well, there wasn't really anything to decode. He said I'm four inches hard, which was

• 1:32:16Speaker 03

  not really a code. No, I'm just teasing you. The, the, he, that guy is a guy making a funny message that wanted to get played, and it worked. He got played.

• 1:32:26Christina Pazsitzky?

  Okay.

• 1:32:26Speaker 03

  You know what I mean?

• 1:32:27Christina Pazsitzky?

  Got it, got it.

• 1:32:28Speaker 03

  So far, the only candidate is the poem guy.

• 1:32:31Christina Pazsitzky?

  Love the poem guy.

• 1:32:32Speaker 03

  What's his name?

• 1:32:32Christina Pazsitzky?

  John.

• 1:32:33Speaker 03

  John.

• 1:32:34Christina Pazsitzky?

  I have it written here, John the poet. Okay, here we go. Um, okay, here's my next one.

• 1:32:41Speaker 00

  Hello Christina, this is your president. This is your president Donald. I seen what happened and I said, wow, I can't believe that happened, but quite frankly, it seems like a problem, but I see it more as an opportunity, an opportunity for growth. Wow, what a scumbag, probably uses washcloth now. I love you, quite frankly, since Road Rules 98.

• 1:33:06Christina Pazsitzky?

  Oh, he knows that.

• 1:33:07Speaker 00

  You know where to find me.

• 1:33:08Christina Pazsitzky?

  I don't, actually, I don't know where to find you.

• 1:33:13Speaker 03

  Everybody does a Trump.

• 1:33:14Christina Pazsitzky?

  I know, and I feel like Tim Dillon's is better than, well, obviously it's Tim Dillon.

• 1:33:19Speaker 03

  Yeah, they're.

• 1:33:20Christina Pazsitzky?

  Anybody's better than that, that was a good.

• 1:33:22Speaker 03

  You've got Shane and Matt Friend who have nailed, and then, um, uh, Matt Richards. They, they've nailed the impression, like.

• 1:33:31Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah, it's hard to do.

• 1:33:31Speaker 03

  That's it, nobody else should do it anymore. Yeah. Yeah, those are the three.

• 1:33:36Christina Pazsitzky?

  Well, that being said, I'm not a fan of like, I, I see what he was doing there. I like that he approached it with humor. I just, it just didn't, it didn't resonate with me. It's not my thing, but admirable attempt. Thank you so much, and, um, but I, I need pictures. I gotta see what these dudes look like. I mean, John the poet, so far. Okay, are you ready to do TikToks?

• 1:33:59Speaker 03

  Did, wait, you have, oh, just regular TikTok.

• 1:34:02Christina Pazsitzky?

  Oh, wait, we haven't even read my DMs. You ready to go through my DMs?

• 1:34:07Speaker 03

  Yes, but are you saying you got submissions on TikTok, or you're saying TikToks?

• 1:34:10Christina Pazsitzky?

  No, just the ones that I curate.

• 1:34:11Speaker 03

  Okay.

• 1:34:12Christina Pazsitzky?

  These are my DMs, so a lot of people, like the minute I became TMZ announced my divorce, it was like an avalanche of dicks. And I just thought I'd share some of the highlights.

• 1:34:24Speaker 03

  Dick pics you got?

• 1:34:25Christina Pazsitzky?

  Um, I don't know, cause I haven't honestly gone through them. This is a cursory look at my DMs. I'm still afraid.

• 1:34:32Speaker 03

  Oh, you just meant, I thought you meant avalanche of dick pics. You just meant avalanche of dicks.

• 1:34:36Christina Pazsitzky?

  Just offers for courtship.

• 1:34:38Speaker 03

  I misunderstood.

• 1:34:39Christina Pazsitzky?

  Sure, buddy. Would you read these for me?

• 1:34:41Speaker 03

  Sure. Hi, you won't, or hi, I won't, wait, hi, I won't you, what the fuck?

• 1:34:49Speaker 03

  It's always a good sign when there's no profile pic and zero posts.

• 1:34:54Christina Pazsitzky?

  Obvious, and like, here's a thing that Duncan taught me, look at the timestamp. So it's at an admirable time, 8:15, but hi, I won't you? I think he meant to put an A, not an O there, right? I want you, or I won't hurt you?

• 1:35:13Speaker 03

  I don't know, it's got a lot of suspect qualities. I would not accept that. I'd block it if I, if I were you, but.

• 1:35:20Christina Pazsitzky?

  I'm afraid that I'm already.

• 1:35:22Speaker 03

  That's probably a bot.

• 1:35:24Christina Pazsitzky?

  No, they can write that personal a message?

• 1:35:29Christina Pazsitzky?

  With the emojis and everything?

• 1:35:30Speaker 03

  Yeah, I mean, they can, bot, there's, it's crazy what the bot messages can be. They can be super specific. It's weird.

• 1:35:37Christina Pazsitzky?

  Okay.

• 1:35:38Speaker 03

  It's weird, we're living in a dark time.

• 1:35:40Christina Pazsitzky?

  Okay, so hold on, this next guy has been doing this every day for hours since my TMZ article.

• 1:35:50Speaker 03

  Oh, God.

• 1:35:51Christina Pazsitzky?

  Hold on, and last week, I made the mistake of following him for a second, and then Annie was like, don't follow him, and I unfollowed, but he's like, the notification already went through, it's too late. Okay, ready, here he is. The hey guy.

• 1:36:06Speaker 03

  Oh, there's more.

• 1:36:07Christina Pazsitzky?

  Well, so it started with, um, so this is last week's, the bottom one, which is hey with two Y's, and then hey with three Y's, then four Y, and then like the different timestamps, and then.

• 1:36:17Speaker 03

  I like that, that he got stylistic with the.

• 1:36:20Christina Pazsitzky?

  I appreciate it.

• 1:36:21Speaker 03

  With the, the longer hayes.

• 1:36:23Christina Pazsitzky?

  And the persistence and the discipline of it, but then here's the problem, okay, so the hayes, the Y's are getting longer every time, and then why would you tease me? Why would you tease me like that? Because he must have seen that I followed him and then unfollowed him promptly.

• 1:36:38Speaker 03

  That's not good.

• 1:36:39Christina Pazsitzky?

  Nope.

• 1:36:40Speaker 03

  That's not good. This one, I, yeah, I, I'd just follow him back, to be honest, and just let, let it lie.

• 1:36:47Christina Pazsitzky?

  Should we?

• 1:36:48Speaker 03

  I don't know.

• 1:36:49Christina Pazsitzky?

  What do you guys think? Last week, they, they didn't let me. Here, I'll get him right now.

• 1:36:52Speaker 03

  We're playing a real game here these days.

• 1:36:54Christina Pazsitzky?

  Okay, I'm gonna follow him. Ready?

• 1:36:56Speaker 03

  Okay.

• 1:36:59Speaker 03

  I think that might be the right move.

• 1:37:01Christina Pazsitzky?

  Is it the right move?

• 1:37:01Speaker 00

  The right move for what, though?

• 1:37:04Speaker 03

  Well, now he's angry.

• 1:37:05Christina Pazsitzky?

  Oh, we shouldn't anger him.

• 1:37:07Speaker 03

  Ah, yeah, I don't know, you know, it's.

• 1:37:09Speaker 00

  I think you need, I think he needs to prove himself a little more before he gets the follow.

• 1:37:13Speaker 03

  Don't follow him. We don't negotiate with terrorists.

• 1:37:16Christina Pazsitzky?

  Okay, good point.

• 1:37:17Speaker 03

  Don't follow.

• 1:37:18Christina Pazsitzky?

  Good point, okay. Okay.

• 1:37:21Speaker 03

  All right.

• 1:37:22Christina Pazsitzky?

  Here we go.

• 1:37:26Speaker 03

  If you want to make your ex-husband jealous, say what's up. Why do none of them have pictures?

• 1:37:33Speaker 03

  Have these been doctored?

• 1:37:34Speaker 00

  Yeah, we took the pictures off.

• 1:37:35Christina Pazsitzky?

  Oh, okay.

• 1:37:36Speaker 03

  Oh, well, you know, I think a picture would help to get some frame of reference here, but that's all right. Uh, this one is.

• 1:37:50Speaker 03

  No.

• 1:37:51Christina Pazsitzky?

  Well, because I don't know anything about you. It's like, you wanna make him jealous. Okay, well, tell me how to make him jealous. What do you have? That's gonna make Tom Segura jealous. You're not even telling me.

• 1:38:02Speaker 03

  This is Scott Aukerman.

• 1:38:07Speaker 03

  This is a man that owns a different podcast network.

• 1:38:10Christina Pazsitzky?

  True, true.

• 1:38:12Speaker 03

  This is Joe, this is Joe Rogan.

• 1:38:14Christina Pazsitzky?

  No, my God.

• 1:38:16Speaker 03

  I have another podcast.

• 1:38:20Speaker 03

  Now, I mean, I don't know, this is, it, it, it's a bad approach.

• 1:38:25Christina Pazsitzky?

  Say what's up.

• 1:38:26Speaker 03

  It's a bad approach to, to start with, let's try to make your ex-husband jealous.

• 1:38:32Christina Pazsitzky?

  So, so you tell me, you're a single gent, what, what should be the approach to a newly divorced, uh, woman that you're interested in? How, how would you even begin?

• 1:38:41Speaker 03

  I will, I'll tell you, you're not gonna like what I have to say.

• 1:38:44Christina Pazsitzky?

  I don't care.

• 1:38:46Speaker 03

  It should be nothing. Nobody should be approaching a freshly divorced person.

• 1:38:51Christina Pazsitzky?

  It's craziness.

• 1:38:52Speaker 03

  There was a woman that I was friends with.

• 1:38:59Speaker 03

  Um, this was a while back, but we were very good friends, and she had a boyfriend. And I was very quietly

• 1:39:09Speaker 03

  infatuated with her. I very much liked her, and we had great chemistry, whatever. And I remember when she told me she broke up with her boyfriend, and I asked a couple friends, what should I do? And they were like, don't do anything, because you're gonna be the guy that looks like he's swooping in.

• 1:39:30Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah.

• 1:39:31Speaker 03

  And I was like, oh, yeah, you're right, I just, you just have to wait. And so, so my point is, is nobody, nobody should ever be approaching somebody that's just getting out of something.

• 1:39:41Christina Pazsitzky?

  Freshly divorced.

• 1:39:42Speaker 03

  Because they should also have the self-awareness to say, this is gonna be bad for me too, because I'm gonna be some kind of rebound thing.

• 1:39:50Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah.

• 1:39:51Speaker 03

  You know, if I meet a girl and I like her, and then she tells me she just went through a breakup, I'm like, okay, we're gonna tread real lightly here.

• 1:39:59Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah.

• 1:40:00Speaker 03

  This is not something we're just gonna go fast and loose with.

• 1:40:03Christina Pazsitzky?

  But the other side of that, what is it, dicks in a jar? Who said that? Was that Chris Rock? Every woman's got dicks in a jar, people on, on the periphery that are just waiting to swoop in.

• 1:40:17Speaker 03

  Yeah, he, I, well, he had, I don't know if it's the same joke, but he had the joke about every, every male friend to a woman, it's a dick behind glass.

• 1:40:27Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 1:40:27Speaker 03

  It's like the fire emergency, you break the glass.

• 1:40:29Christina Pazsitzky?

  Oh, yeah.

• 1:40:32Speaker 03

  But it's, yeah, I'd be wary of anybody, uh, that's swooping in.

• 1:40:39Christina Pazsitzky?

  For sure. I mean, I'm completely broken and, and deranged right now.

• 1:40:43Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 1:40:43Christina Pazsitzky?

  This is insanity.

• 1:40:45Speaker 03

  But I also agree, if you're gonna approach, approach, pitch a little bit, you gotta pitch a little bit here.

• 1:40:53Christina Pazsitzky?

  Well, yeah, what are you offering? It's like, show, okay, then send me a, a pic or, or something. Here's some more suitors.

• 1:41:02Speaker 03

  Oh, sorry.

• 1:41:03Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah, go ahead.

• 1:41:06Speaker 03

  Tit cancer, huh? That sucks. You'll be good, homie.

• 1:41:10Christina Pazsitzky?

  That was from 2024.

• 1:41:12Speaker 03

  Oh.

• 1:41:13Christina Pazsitzky?

  So he, he wrote to me two years prior.

• 1:41:15Speaker 03

  Okay, now this one is new.

• 1:41:17Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah.

• 1:41:18Speaker 03

  If you fix my teeth, I'll stay with you forever and three more kids if you want. No, that's an absolute no.

• 1:41:23Christina Pazsitzky?

  Why?

• 1:41:24Speaker 03

  Cause he's asking you for something.

• 1:41:26Christina Pazsitzky?

  I mean, fixing his teeth is a nothing burger, like, I mean, if he's a good guy and he wants to be a stepdad and he's got, I mean, what's the big problem?

• 1:41:33Speaker 03

  I feel like you and I are gonna have to do like that movie Hitch, where I, where I train you on how to get back into dating.

• 1:41:46Speaker 03

  This is like insane.

• 1:41:49Christina Pazsitzky?

  I don't know, babe. What do I know? I've been married for twenty years. I don't know anything about anything.

• 1:41:54Speaker 03

  I've been out here the whole time.

• 1:41:56Christina Pazsitzky?

  Okay, well, school me, please.

• 1:41:59Speaker 03

  I've been on the outsides. I don't know.

• 1:42:00Christina Pazsitzky?

  On the outside? I've been on the inside, babe.

• 1:42:04Speaker 03

  I'm like the guy in Shawshank.

• 1:42:05Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah.

• 1:42:06Speaker 03

  If you, if you put me on the outside, I'm gonna hang myself. I've been on the inside for too long. It's, it's all I know. It's all I know.

• 1:42:13Christina Pazsitzky?

  So, so this is, okay, so, so I need your help, because I don't know, you know, I don't know up from down, left from right. I don't fucking know.

• 1:42:20Speaker 03

  You don't accept, yeah, you don't, you don't know. Anybody asking.

• 1:42:25Christina Pazsitzky?

  Do anything for anybody. Yeah.

• 1:42:26Speaker 03

  I didn't say that, but somebody starting out with, do this for me.

• 1:42:30Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah, that's.

• 1:42:30Speaker 03

  It's a barter.

• 1:42:31Christina Pazsitzky?

  That sucks. Yeah, I don't like that. You're right.

• 1:42:34Speaker 03

  It's also very different. There's certain kind of barters that make sense.

• 1:42:38Christina Pazsitzky?

  Okay, like?

• 1:42:39Speaker 03

  One barter that would make sense is if, for instance, you're an older man and you're pretty well off and you very much want to have a child, but you don't necessarily want to be married. I think an acceptable barter is if you meet a woman who might be interested or whatever, to say, hey, here's my situation. Would you want to have a kid and I'll take care of you? I won't, I'll make sure that you're taken care of. That's something where somebody's saying, I'm, I'm asking for something, but I'm offering something in return.

• 1:43:10Christina Pazsitzky?

  Sure.

• 1:43:10Speaker 03

  You don't, you don't go, and I'm not even saying, so you should go for that. I'm just saying, that makes a little sense.

• 1:43:15Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah.

• 1:43:16Speaker 03

  What doesn't make sense is somebody coming into the equation and saying, if you give me money right off the bat, I will then give you something.

• 1:43:23Christina Pazsitzky?

  Totally.

• 1:43:23Speaker 03

  And by the way, what is he giving in return? I'll stay with you forever?

• 1:43:26Christina Pazsitzky?

  Nah, it's not possible.

• 1:43:28Speaker 03

  And three more kids?

• 1:43:30Christina Pazsitzky?

  I don't want three more kids. I've already.

• 1:43:32Speaker 03

  You have three now?

• 1:43:32Christina Pazsitzky?

  I have two.

• 1:43:33Speaker 03

  I thought you had, okay.

• 1:43:34Christina Pazsitzky?

  It's enough. It's enough. All right, here we go.

• 1:43:39Speaker 03

  All right, the first, July 20th, please Christina, please let me hit now. Jesus Christ. Just one time I beg. This is a no, for obvious reasons. I'm six, six, thirty years old and specialized in making women come. No, you're not. You're begging to have sex.

• 1:44:00Speaker 03

  You'll leave with multiple orgasms in exchange for just one of mine. Let me fuck Christina. Let me plow you Christina. I'll even marry you and love you. I don't give a.

• 1:44:12Christina Pazsitzky?

  What's IDG? Why DJ?

• 1:44:15Speaker 03

  I don't give a goddamn?

• 1:44:17Christina Pazsitzky?

  What's that, kids?

• 1:44:19Speaker 03

  Hey, think of the table. It's probably.

• 1:44:21Christina Pazsitzky?

  He didn't even, he didn't even proofread.

• 1:44:24Speaker 03

  Nobody proofreads.

• 1:44:25Christina Pazsitzky?

  But I do like that his offer, it's just starting out as like, hey, let me make you come. And then it's like, well, let me plow you. And then he proposes marriage. I mean, that's a nice progression of commitment, no?

• 1:44:39Speaker 03

  If you want to explore this comedically, sure. I have a feeling you might be serious, so I'm gonna say no.

• 1:44:48Christina Pazsitzky?

  He's proposing. I mean, he's proposing to me, Joe.

• 1:44:51Speaker 03

  Anybody using the word come and plow.

• 1:44:54Christina Pazsitzky?

  I know.

• 1:44:54Speaker 03

  In their initial pitch.

• 1:44:56Christina Pazsitzky?

  And like, women are not, we don't use the same vernacular, like, I mean, at least, Niana, I mean, if a guy's like, I'll make you come. Like, well, yeah, I can make myself come. It's not, it's not a selling point. Like, okay, so can I, right? It's, it's not something we look for. I agree. Yeah. Like, what, what are we looking for? Romance? Person? Yeah, a sane. Yeah, a little romance. Yeah.

• 1:45:25Speaker 03

  The only one so far is John. Poem, romance, effort, poem.

• 1:45:31Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah.

• 1:45:31Speaker 03

  Uh, chivalrous. Every part of that was all the right things.

• 1:45:35Christina Pazsitzky?

  I'm meeting him. I'm meeting him. Okay, are you ready for my talks?

• 1:45:39Speaker 03

  Sure.

• 1:45:40Speaker 07

  I'm addicted to women.

• 1:45:42Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah.

• 1:45:43Speaker 07

  And I'm addicted to fame. And I'm addicted to power. Luxury.

• 1:45:52Speaker 07

  And material possession.

• 1:45:58Speaker 07

  And I'm never gonna stop

• 1:46:01Speaker 07

  loving any of that.

• 1:46:04Speaker 03

  Mm-hmm.

• 1:46:06Christina Pazsitzky?

  Damn, dude.

• 1:46:07Speaker 07

  It is what it is.

• 1:46:08Speaker 03

  Yep.

• 1:46:11Speaker 03

  Yes. This is a man that, I love all the things he's addicted to and he lives in a tent.

• 1:46:18Speaker 03

  With no lightbulb.

• 1:46:19Christina Pazsitzky?

  I know, it doesn't look good.

• 1:46:20Speaker 03

  No.

• 1:46:20Christina Pazsitzky?

  It doesn't look good.

• 1:46:21Speaker 03

  No lightbulb.

• 1:46:22Christina Pazsitzky?

  But I, I, he's just hustling. He's trying to get his shit, dude. All right.

• 1:46:26Speaker 03

  Look at the, look how fake the.

• 1:46:27Christina Pazsitzky?

  Oh, sorry, sorry.

• 1:46:28Speaker 03

  I don't care.

• 1:46:30Christina Pazsitzky?

  What about this guy?

• 1:46:34Christina Pazsitzky?

  I'm not sure what the message was here.

• 1:46:36Speaker 03

  It's, look at my long tongue. I imagine what I could do to you. That's, that's what that is.

• 1:46:42Christina Pazsitzky?

  Again, chicks don't really, that's for gay dudes.

• 1:46:47Speaker 03

  It's guys that think, that don't, that somehow think.

• 1:46:51Christina Pazsitzky?

  Doesn't work with chicks. Or maybe the right chicks, Niana? Maybe it's like the right girls. Not I. That weirds me out. Yeah, what chicks does that? Hey, tell me you're single.

• 1:47:03Speaker 03

  It's the appro, it's the appro, David Cross used to have this joke about the, seeing the garbage man being like, yo, baby.

• 1:47:10Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah.

• 1:47:10Speaker 03

  And he's like, it must have worked once. Like, it's so crazy. He's like, but it must have worked once. They keep doing it. Like, but, so this, I'm sure at one point, a girl's like, ooh, baby, that tongue, you could do these things to me. And he's like, this works. So he keeps doing it. In a red lighting, I mean, this couldn't look more Silence of the Lambs. It's fucking crazy.

• 1:47:35Christina Pazsitzky?

  The red lighting is so menacing. All of it's menacing. Okay. Well, hold on. Maybe you'll like the next one.

• 1:47:43Speaker 03

  Okay.

• 1:47:56Christina Pazsitzky?

  This is my son. This is every boy in fourth grade.

• 1:47:59Speaker 03

  Wait, that's the whole thing?

• 1:48:00Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah, he's just doing, he's just doing armpit farts.

• 1:48:02Speaker 03

  I thought he was gonna jump off the roof.

• 1:48:04Christina Pazsitzky?

  I wish.

• 1:48:05Speaker 03

  And do like a stunt or something.

• 1:48:07Christina Pazsitzky?

  I mean.

• 1:48:08Speaker 03

  What's that called? Parkour?

• 1:48:09Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah.

• 1:48:10Speaker 03

  I thought he was gonna like, jump and slide down that pole.

• 1:48:12Christina Pazsitzky?

  Hand fart and then parkour. Yeah.

• 1:48:14Speaker 03

  Like, do something amazing that he proceeds with the dumbest thing. That would have been great.

• 1:48:19Christina Pazsitzky?

  I know.

• 1:48:20Speaker 03

  Uh, all right.

• 1:48:21Christina Pazsitzky?

  I mean, I'm impressed. When's the last time you did an armpit fart?

• 1:48:25Speaker 03

  I've, I was never able to do it.

• 1:48:27Christina Pazsitzky?

  No, it's so hard, right?

• 1:48:28Speaker 03

  It's very hard. And then the guys that can do it with, like this?

• 1:48:31Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah, I could kind of, you have, you have to have sweaty palms. But yeah, that, that's, I mean, look, I liked it in elementary school.

• 1:48:38Speaker 03

  He's a better suitor than anybody else, by the way. I know it's not a suitor, but my point is, is like, this guy at least is just being silly.

• 1:48:44Christina Pazsitzky?

  Top shelf? Okay.

• 1:48:45Speaker 03

  Yeah, it's like, all right, this guy's having a good time. He's laughing. He knows it's dumb.

• 1:48:48Christina Pazsitzky?

  He's having a good day. Okay, here we go. Hi Brenda, fucking methadone fucking Roberts. Why do you fuck your daughter's life up for her off taking one fucking drug and having one drink out? You lying jealous fuck. Wow.

• 1:49:11Speaker 03

  All right, who's Brenda?

• 1:49:15Christina Pazsitzky?

  Doesn't matter.

• 1:49:17Christina Pazsitzky?

  The part is, I love when people make videos for one specific person, that they forget that like, the entire universe sees them. It's always admirable. And she's like, Brenda, fuck you. And she gave the.

• 1:49:29Speaker 03

  People do that a lot.

• 1:49:31Christina Pazsitzky?

  A lot, dude. Okay, here you go. You like the armpit farts? Here we go.

• 1:49:35Speaker 03

  Oh, wow.

• 1:49:36Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah. He can also do this leg. That's, that's another elementary school boy talent. There's one kid in your class that could do that.

• 1:49:45Speaker 03

  Both India.

• 1:49:47Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah.

• 1:49:48Speaker 03

  Both of the farting people, India, right?

• 1:49:50Christina Pazsitzky?

  I mean, that's what they're known for. That's what they're known for.

• 1:49:53Speaker 03

  Fix his prayer blanket.

• 1:49:57Christina Pazsitzky?

  There you go.

• 1:50:11Christina Pazsitzky?

  He's got, he's got a fan.

• 1:50:13Speaker 03

  I, I thought that was gonna be good, because I thought that was gonna be a guy that's just like, hey, everybody, happy 4th of July. We love New Jersey. You know, I thought he was gonna be one of those guys.

• 1:50:23Christina Pazsitzky?

  I was hoping for that too, but I think sometimes these dudes don't realize that they're making moving pictures. Like, he doesn't get that it's a video, not just a photo. But I like his nipple. I like seeing what I'm working with. I like the chest hair, very masculine, and I like his fan.

• 1:50:39Speaker 03

  Yes.

• 1:50:40Christina Pazsitzky?

  All good.

• 1:50:41Speaker 03

  I thought he was gonna do a, do you ever watch Big Al and Vicky? I follow them on Instagram. They're a married couple. They live in like, I don't know, Queens or something.

• 1:50:52Speaker 03

  But it's just food videos. And Big Al's like a kind of big guy like that, and he's always in there above.

• 1:50:58Christina Pazsitzky?

  Oh, well, hold on. You're so lucky. Here you go.

• 1:51:01Speaker 03

  Wait, are you kidding? Is it Big Al? I gotta have bread when I eat pasta.

• 1:51:05Christina Pazsitzky?

  That's not it. It's this one. Hold on, hold on. Let's.

• 1:51:07Speaker 03

  But I ain't got no bread today.

• 1:51:09Christina Pazsitzky?

  Ignore that.

• 1:51:10Speaker 03

  Bagel.

• 1:51:10Christina Pazsitzky?

  Ignore that. Let's go to the guy. Okay, are you ready?

• 1:51:13Speaker 03

  Yep. I feel so disconnected.

• 1:51:17Speaker 03

  That's funny. That guy's funny.

• 1:51:18Christina Pazsitzky?

  I know, he's sweet. Okay. Okay, so speaking of, you're gonna die. Look who's here.

• 1:51:23Speaker 03

  Yes, here they are.

• 1:51:24Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah, he's a rat. I love him, yeah, dude.

• 1:51:27Speaker 04

  I see that.

• 1:51:30Speaker 04

  And they're afraid to come near the pool. Gorgeous, gorgeous.

• 1:51:33Christina Pazsitzky?

  Gorgeous, gorgeous, gorgeous.

• 1:51:36Christina Pazsitzky?

  Balsamic drizzle. I love this guy.

• 1:51:39Speaker 03

  He's the best.

• 1:51:40Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah.

• 1:51:40Speaker 03

  They're both awesome.

• 1:51:41Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah, they're living, dude. That's what's up.

• 1:51:46Christina Pazsitzky?

  I mean, you're a sandwich guy. Tell me, is that good?

• 1:51:48Speaker 04

  This is an American Italian sandwich. Then we go prosciutto de palma.

• 1:51:51Christina Pazsitzky?

  Hell, yeah.

• 1:51:52Speaker 03

  I don't like the balsamic on there, but, but I'm not against American cheese sometimes with Italian meat. Yep, I like turkey and prosciutto together.

• 1:51:59Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah, that's a good mix.

• 1:52:01Speaker 04

  And then the most unbelievable superstar. Look at how thin that is.

• 1:52:05Christina Pazsitzky?

  Oh, it's good.

• 1:52:07Speaker 03

  Those are three great meats. I would have, I, I would have preferred it with a different cheese and no balsamic.

• 1:52:13Speaker 04

  Did you put? I got right there. Oh, you did. Beautiful. Well, let's see you eat it. Come on, your creation here.

• 1:52:21Christina Pazsitzky?

  Too much bread, Joe. Too much bread.

• 1:52:22Speaker 03

  That's a hefty roll. I would have dug out that roll.

• 1:52:25Speaker 04

  And, and I want everybody to know, there's never.

• 1:52:28Christina Pazsitzky?

  Any crumbs in my pool?

• 1:52:30Speaker 03

  Nothing.

• 1:52:30Christina Pazsitzky?

  Nothing.

• 1:52:33Christina Pazsitzky?

  What about a baguette? Sandwiches first.

• 1:52:37Christina Pazsitzky?

  I mean, I would have liked a less, like a baguette.

• 1:52:39Speaker 03

  I would have dug out the guts of the bread.

• 1:52:41Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah.

• 1:52:42Speaker 03

  You know, but he, uh, she, he, he's always in this pool. She's always, he's always got some food spread.

• 1:52:51Speaker 03

  And then my favorite is, is like, she's always trying to get him to eat better.

• 1:52:54Christina Pazsitzky?

  Is that right?

• 1:52:55Speaker 03

  Yeah. So she'll bring him like meatballs and she'll be like, I made meatballs. I did a little something different. And he's like, ugh, what did you do? What did you do? And he gets like frustrated and then he eats them and he's like, these are spectacular. He's like, it's all cauliflower. And he's like, really? Ah, they're pretty good.

• 1:53:15Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah. You just have to sauce things properly. You can eat anything if it's seasoned properly.

• 1:53:19Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 1:53:19Christina Pazsitzky?

  You know?

• 1:53:20Speaker 03

  Um, they're fun to follow.

• 1:53:22Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah.

• 1:53:22Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 1:53:22Christina Pazsitzky?

  Oh, I'm, I'm just new to them. So.

• 1:53:24Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 1:53:24Christina Pazsitzky?

  Kind of cool that you brought them up. Okay. But what about this guy? Do you follow this guy?

• 1:53:30Speaker 04

  God bless America.

• 1:53:32Speaker 03

  That's Iggy Pop.

• 1:53:33Christina Pazsitzky?

  I know, totally.

• 1:53:34Speaker 04

  Not all of us, right? Land of the free, home of the brave.

• 1:53:37Christina Pazsitzky?

  Ah, no, it's not.

• 1:53:39Speaker 04

  Is it H2O? Or is it smooth?

• 1:53:42Christina Pazsitzky?

  Ugh.

• 1:53:43Speaker 04

  God love you.

• 1:53:44Speaker 03

  Do you believe he's actually sweating, sweating that much?

• 1:53:45Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah. And he's got great teeth. Um.

• 1:53:49Speaker 03

  That's not a bad looking guy if he cleaned it up.

• 1:53:52Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah.

• 1:53:53Speaker 03

  I'd be curious to see some of his other TikToks, see what he looks like normal. So I bet you he's not a bad looking guy.

• 1:53:58Christina Pazsitzky?

  So far I haven't seen any normal talks. Open sweaty guy doing something. All right. You ready for your last one? Just a little sweet kiss off.

• 1:54:07Speaker 04

  All right, you guys, I'm finally going to bed. Um, well, I guess I'm already in bed, but I'm going to sleep.

• 1:54:14Speaker 03

  Gorgeous.

• 1:54:14Speaker 04

  Um, love you all. I hope you all have a good night.

• 1:54:17Christina Pazsitzky?

  Thank you.

• 1:54:17Speaker 04

  Talk to you in the morning.

• 1:54:18Christina Pazsitzky?

  Okay.

• 1:54:19Speaker 03

  That's a great one.

• 1:54:20Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah.

• 1:54:21Speaker 03

  That's a guy.

• 1:54:22Christina Pazsitzky?

  That's a guy.

• 1:54:22Speaker 03

  Yeah, you date that guy.

• 1:54:25Speaker 03

  Look how well manicured his room is. He's got the wood bed frame.

• 1:54:28Christina Pazsitzky?

  Oh, yeah.

• 1:54:28Speaker 03

  Like the, like the, the bespoke wood bed frame and he's well manicured. He's in shape.

• 1:54:35Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah. And I do like that he's considerate. Like, hey, have a good night. I like you.

• 1:54:39Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 1:54:40Christina Pazsitzky?

  Considerate, like good, good messaging all over.

• 1:54:42Speaker 03

  And writes sweet dreams. He's wishing everybody well. That's nice. That was a good one. That gives me hope that the whole world hasn't lost its fucking mind.

• 1:54:53Christina Pazsitzky?

  Okay. Uh, Joe DeRosa, your new special, I Never Promised You A Rose Garden is streaming now, Right Meow, on Netflix. Listen to Joe every Thursday. Uh, your show, Vile and Horrendous, every Thursday. A new episode. Thank you so much for being here.

• 1:55:10Speaker 03

  Thanks for having me.

• 1:55:10Christina Pazsitzky?

  I had a blast.

• 1:55:11Speaker 03

  I did too. I love seeing you. I love you. And I'm glad that you guys are doing well with this transition that you're going through.

• 1:55:19Christina Pazsitzky?

  I'm transitioning.

• 1:55:20Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 1:55:20Christina Pazsitzky?

  I'm getting a dick.

• 1:55:22Speaker 03

  Don't cheapen it. I was saying a nice thing. I was trying to do a sweet dreams.

• 1:55:26Christina Pazsitzky?

  Sweet dreams. All right. I'm sorry. You're right. You're right. I should have accepted it. I love you.

• 1:55:31Speaker 03

  Love you.

• 1:55:31Christina Pazsitzky?

  Nice.

• 1:55:33Speaker 01

  Orange, orange, orange, orange.

• 1:55:35Christina Pazsitzky?

  Oh, come.

• 1:55:44Speaker 01

  S A R T. Orange, orange, orange, orange.

• 1:55:55Speaker 01

  I have come all over my face.

• 1:55:59Speaker 01

  I have come all over my face.

• 1:56:04Speaker 01

  I have come all over my face. So delicious. I have come all over my face. So delicious. I have come all over my. I have come all over my face.

• 1:56:18Speaker 05

  It's just like, it's just like, it's just like the gays. It's just like.

• 1:56:22Speaker 01

  S A R T, orange.

• 1:56:24Speaker 05

  The gays.

• 1:56:25Speaker 01

  S A R T, orange.

• 1:56:26Speaker 05

  It's just like.

• 1:56:27Speaker 01

  S A R T, orange.

• 1:56:28Speaker 05

  The gays.

• 1:56:29Speaker 01

  S A R T, orange.

• 1:56:31Speaker 05

  It's just like.

• 1:56:31Speaker 01

  S A R T, orange.

• 1:56:33Speaker 05

  The gays.

• 1:56:34Speaker 01

  S A R T, orange.

• 1:56:35Speaker 05

  It's just like.

• 1:56:36Speaker 01

  S A R T, orange.

• 1:56:38Speaker 05

  That's not really my thing.

• 1:56:39Speaker 01

  Orange, orange, orange, orange, orange, orange, orange, orange.

• 1:56:50Speaker 03

  I am dumb. I am dumb. Is this the show?

• 1:56:58Speaker 01

  Does checking your bank statements feel like digging through a dusty attic full of forgotten subscriptions and old free trials?

• 1:57:07Speaker 01

  Experian can help take the pain out of canceling by handling it for you. Think of it as Operation Get Your Sanity Back. Over 200 subscriptions are cancelable. So get started in the Experian app and see how much you could save. Results will vary. Not all subscriptions eligible. Savings not guaranteed. Paid membership with connected payment account required. See experian.com for details.