Trick Or TASER w/ Duncan Trussell | Your Mom's House Ep. 883

SPONSORS: Hire Viktor for your team. Get $100 of his work free, no credit card, at https://ref.viktor.com/ymh-yt, code YMH100. Sign up for your free trial at https://shopify.com/ymh Ready to regrow your hair? Start your free online visit today at https://hims.com/YMH for personalized care-from hair to ED to weight loss and more. Don’t sleep on @ultrapouches. New customers get 15% Off with code YMH at https://takeultra.com! #UltraPouches #ad Happy HallowJEANS!!! This week, Christina holds down the Mommy Dome with her spooky stepdad Duncan Trussell. She's Princess Diana in the iconic revenge dress, and he's a Spirit Halloween box of wine. They relive the day Diana died (including a legendary 1997 home video of a party finding out live on CNN), get into Charles, Camilla and the infamous tampon phone call, and imagine the old royal tradition of the whole court watching newlyweds consummate. From there: a San Francisco man who turns a cardboard box into his own puppet show, Halloween costumes (the Liberty Mutual guy, a high-end jewel thief, a hazmat suit), dads who dress their kids up as tiny copies of themselves, and why your friends without kids will never understand the bedtime window. Then the taser finally arrives. After a compilation of people getting zapped, Duncan tases himself with a stun gun straight off Amazon, Tanner takes the bite of the viper, and they unbox a TASER Pulse 2. Plus, a double dose of Curations from Duncan and Christine: a gimp jumping into a bog (and Duncan's runaway gimp at ACL), a harmonica-playing whip balancer, a yoga teacher with a suspicious glow, ChatGPT handling morning wood, a guy walking around Austin with shit in his drawers, e-bike jousting in London, a man singing to the full moon with his mini horse, and a preacher who blames Michael Myers for everything. Enjoy! Your Mom’s House Ep. 883 https://tomsegura.com/tourhttps://christinap.com/https://store.ymhstudios.comhttps://www.reddit.com/r/yourmomshousepodcast Chapters 00:00:00 - Intro00:02:42 - The Royal Circle Jerk00:10:48 - Opening Clip: Machines Within Happy Halloween00:14:55 - Creative San Francisco Homeless00:18:29 - Halloween Costumes & Cum Echo Dads00:25:22 - Non-Breeder Friends & Parenting Like David Goggins00:33:16 - Duncan's TikTok Curations00:41:06 - Taser Compilation & Duncan Tases Himself00:45:30 - Tanner Takes The Viper's Bite00:52:36 - Christina's Curations01:06:59 - Closing Song - "Erection Achieved" by Hendawg01:09:33 - Duncan Trussell Will Return Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Speaker names marked ? are inferred from speaking time and the show’s known hosts — they are not voice-verified.

• 0:11Tom Segura?

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• 0:56Tom Segura?

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• 1:12Christina Pazsitzky?

  Hello. It's your mom, Princess Diana. And of course...

• 1:16Speaker 02

  Hello. It's...

• 1:20Speaker 02

  Hello.

• 1:23Speaker 02

  Hello.

• 1:24Christina Pazsitzky?

  It's Halloweens. It's my favorite holiday.

• 1:27Speaker 02

  Season of the witch, baby.

• 1:30Christina Pazsitzky?

  And like, either as an adult, you can love it or hate it. I don't like it when adults dress up that don't have children. That does bother me.

• 1:39Speaker 02

  It's weird.

• 1:40Christina Pazsitzky?

  You have a great costume.

• 1:41Speaker 02

  Thank you.

• 1:42Christina Pazsitzky?

  Let's go through what we're doing. What are you doing?

• 1:44Speaker 02

  Well, okay, so when I heard, when I heard what you were dressing as, that was a challenge.

• 1:49Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah.

• 1:50Speaker 02

  That was a challenge. What could I possibly wear to go with Princess Diana?

• 1:54Christina Pazsitzky?

  I know.

• 1:55Speaker 02

  I thought Grim Reaper.

• 1:56Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yes.

• 1:57Speaker 02

  Kind of on the, you know, kind of obvious. With spooky Grim Reaper, like, you know, but, and it just like, just seemed... And then, thank God, Spirit Halloween had a wine box.

• 2:09Christina Pazsitzky?

  That's what I'm talking about.

• 2:10Speaker 02

  How many people were hitting the wine box after Princess Di died?

• 2:15Christina Pazsitzky?

  And who's been hitting the wine box since her divorce?

• 2:18Speaker 02

  Oh, yeah.

• 2:18Christina Pazsitzky?

  This is the famous revenge outfit, if you don't know, revenge dress from Princess Diana. And I, yeah, that, this is wonderful.

• 2:24Speaker 02

  Can you talk about the revenge dress a little bit for people who don't know?

• 2:29Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah, it was, what, 1990 something? And she's 40 years old. And it comes out that Charles has Camilla Parker Bowles as a mistress. And they're divorcing and all this stuff. And it's public. So Diana goes out wearing the little dress, just like this. And there she is.

• 2:46Speaker 02

  Yes.

• 2:47Christina Pazsitzky?

  And they photograph her and it was known as the revenge dress.

• 2:51Speaker 02

  Right. And she signed her death warrant at that moment, right? Because the royals will kill your ass.

• 2:56Christina Pazsitzky?

  Well, yeah. And then she got into it with the, what is the guy? The guy that owned Harrods? He and his son and, yeah, the whole thing. I see she's got the sapphire that I have because I have her engagement ring. And now it's in her neck there, which is so pretty.

• 3:13Speaker 02

  Goodbye, English rose. Remember Elton John?

• 3:16Christina Pazsitzky?

  I hate the remix. That was so cheap.

• 3:18Speaker 02

  The worst.

• 3:19Christina Pazsitzky?

  You couldn't write a new one. You're Elton John.

• 3:22Speaker 02

  The worst.

• 3:23Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah. Like a candle in the wind.

• 3:27Christina Pazsitzky?

  And you're like, that's so cheap.

• 3:28Speaker 02

  It's cheap, but it really activated gay dudes. Like, it did. It was September 11th for a lot of gays.

• 3:36Christina Pazsitzky?

  It's so true.

• 3:38Speaker 02

  Did you ever see that video? They have the video of like, these gay dudes are having a party and they find out Princess Diana died.

• 3:44Christina Pazsitzky?

  It's just...

• 3:45Speaker 02

  Remember that video?

• 3:46Christina Pazsitzky?

  No, find it.

• 3:47Speaker 02

  Can you find that video? I don't know if it's still online, but it was like, I just didn't understand how much Princess Diana resonated with the gay community. And like, yeah, this, oh my God, you haven't seen this? Oh my God, you gotta see this.

• 4:01Christina Pazsitzky?

  28 years ago today.

• 4:03Speaker 03

  Clark and Scott and John and Jeffrey and Alan.

• 4:07Speaker 04

  John, Jeffrey, and...

• 4:09Speaker 03

  Labor Day weekend. And Scott and Jeffrey are visiting us from Raleigh-Durham, where they just moved into a fabulous new home. We're having a swell time, although Princess Diana has been injured gravely. It's been reported allegedly.

• 4:24Speaker 04

  Not allegedly, they have... We're watching it on CNN.

• 4:29Christina Pazsitzky?

  Oh, I remember that.

• 4:30Speaker 02

  This is the planes flying into the building right here.

• 4:33Speaker 03

  High bases, I cannot afford a lawsuit.

• 4:35Speaker 02

  Wait, it gets intense. It gets intense.

• 4:38Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah.

• 4:38Speaker 03

  It's breaking news.

• 4:41Christina Pazsitzky?

  When adults do these things for fun, just get drunk.

• 4:43Speaker 03

  Everybody go out fast.

• 4:45Speaker 02

  But look at the background. You can see the reflect...

• 4:47Speaker 03

  Princess Diana is seriously injured.

• 4:50Christina Pazsitzky?

  Oh, no.

• 4:50Speaker 03

  They've added the word seriously.

• 4:52Christina Pazsitzky?

  No, he's...

• 4:53Speaker 03

  That's not good.

• 4:54Speaker 02

  Look, they're holding back right.

• 4:56Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah.

• 4:57Speaker 03

  Dodi Al Fayad is dead. As was the driver from The Ritz in the Mercedes, but her chauffeur was also injured. No, her bodyguard injured. Princess Diana dead.

• 5:11Speaker 03

  Oh, she died. Where's the remote?

• 5:14Speaker 04

  Oh my God.

• 5:17Christina Pazsitzky?

  Look at him.

• 5:23Speaker 04

  Just use the volume.

• 5:25Christina Pazsitzky?

  Oh no, I'm right here. I'm not dead.

• 5:29Speaker 04

  Get it loud.

• 5:31Speaker 02

  Get it loud.

• 5:33Christina Pazsitzky?

  This is terrible. Did they like, fall off their chairs and start weeping?

• 5:38Speaker 02

  This is, yeah, they're stunned.

• 5:42Speaker 02

  They're stunned.

• 5:45Speaker 02

  This is like, I remember this hippie dude at my summer camp when Jerry Garcia died was acting like this.

• 5:50Christina Pazsitzky?

  Oh, I remember that day. That was a big day for the hippies.

• 5:52Speaker 02

  Look.

• 5:53Speaker 05

  Princess Diana, at the age of 36, has died.

• 5:56Christina Pazsitzky?

  36? Oh, damn.

• 5:58Speaker 02

  So young.

• 5:59Speaker 05

  Suffered in a car accident.

• 6:00Christina Pazsitzky?

  Poor gays.

• 6:01Speaker 05

  Along with her companion, Dodi Al Fayad.

• 6:04Speaker 02

  I mean, it's sweet.

• 6:05Speaker 05

  CNN's Jim Bitterman in Paris.

• 6:07Christina Pazsitzky?

  But do you remember when this brought, like, I remember where I was when I heard Diana. I was living in a shit place in San Francisco with like, five roommates. And then I just woke up and they're like, oh, Princess Diana is dead. And then you're like, wait, what? No way.

• 6:21Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 6:21Christina Pazsitzky?

  I'm gonna get drunk. Like, you don't even, it doesn't register when you're that young.

• 6:24Speaker 02

  People, she, so...

• 6:26Christina Pazsitzky?

  People loved her.

• 6:26Speaker 02

  My mom, I remember being at my grandmother's house on my dad's side in Talboton, Georgia. My mom has gotten up very early in the morning to watch the wedding.

• 6:41Christina Pazsitzky?

  Oh, that's what my mother did too.

• 6:43Speaker 02

  And I'm in like, I still remember, I'm in my pajamas, completely confused. My mom is just, because it's like a fantasy. This is like Princess Diana. Anyone could have been Princess Diana. And this, to this day, like, I remember doing this, you know, as a kid, we have no impulse control.

• 7:02Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah.

• 7:02Speaker 02

  I scratched my butthole. And I remember smelling my finger and it smelled so bad. And my mom's crying watching the wedding. And I, and I was like, mom, smell. And I remember she smelled, like, she's like, in the fantasy, but it could have been me.

• 7:18Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah.

• 7:19Speaker 02

  I could have married Prince Charles. I'm here in Talboton, Georgia.

• 7:22Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah.

• 7:23Speaker 02

  My husband has PTSD. And then I remember putting my finger under her nose and she's like, oh! And like, the reality of where she was, smashing into the temporary fantasy. And I'm so ashamed of that to this day.

• 7:39Christina Pazsitzky?

  Don't be. It was what she needed, to snap her back into her fucking shit reality of being a mother and a wife. A mother and a wife. Yeah, that's true, man. Yeah, my mom was obsessed with Diana too. And that's how I became obsessed with the royals.

• 7:54Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 7:55Christina Pazsitzky?

  She was just beloved.

• 7:56Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 7:57Christina Pazsitzky?

  You know, they really trapped her ass though because they wanted Charles to marry a virgin. But he was fucking that Camilla Parker Bowles in, already for years. And they didn't like Camilla because she wasn't virginal. So Diana was actually a lady. This is not true that she was like some fucking ragamuffin. Like, they're bred to fuck each other and to marry each other, these people. Yeah, her dad's an Earl. And they just...

• 8:20Speaker 02

  Oh, I didn't know that.

• 8:20Christina Pazsitzky?

  Oh, yeah. So she's, she was bred to do all this. And then she married Charles and he just wasn't in there. He was banging Camilla.

• 8:26Speaker 02

  Isn't that creepy?

• 8:27Christina Pazsitzky?

  But look at Camilla, look how gross she is.

• 8:29Speaker 02

  They wanted a virgin for the prince?

• 8:32Christina Pazsitzky?

  Because he was going to be king. And they wanted to make sure that the heir to the throne, she produced two heirs, the heir and the spade, that she's, you know, clean. Look at, I mean, that's Camilla Young. Camilla's a real fucking dog. There she is now.

• 8:48Speaker 02

  Yeah, it feels like they have a different kind of like, non-traditional taste in women, you know, the royals. They, you know what I mean? Well, I mean, Camilla, like, you're a prince. Like, you know what I mean? It feels like your mistress could be smoking hot.

• 9:04Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah.

• 9:05Speaker 02

  But, but they, it's, I guess they, I think it's more personality. I'm sure when you're around Camilla, God, imagine like, watching them hump.

• 9:15Christina Pazsitzky?

  I bet, but they've been fucking for years.

• 9:17Speaker 02

  For years.

• 9:17Christina Pazsitzky?

  She has him under such a spell. Do you remember the phone call that was recorded? Where he was like, I miss you so much. I wish I were your tampon. I love you, I want to be your panties.

• 9:29Speaker 02

  He said that?

• 9:29Christina Pazsitzky?

  He was, he's so juiced up for this Camilla Parker Bowles.

• 9:32Speaker 02

  He said he wants to be her tampon?

• 9:34Christina Pazsitzky?

  That was a big scandal in the 90s.

• 9:36Speaker 02

  Oh, he is a naughty prince. Isn't it interesting though? Like, we've seen rock stars fuck. We've seen actors fuck. But as far as I'm aware, there is no video of a king fucking. We don't know what it looks like.

• 9:53Speaker 02

  It's like the dark side of the moon.

• 9:55Christina Pazsitzky?

  I know. Well, they used to fuck publicly, like, like when you got married as a royal, like that first night, like in the French courts.

• 10:03Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 10:04Christina Pazsitzky?

  All the other royals come in and they watch you fuck for the first time. Your marital fuck to make sure that the marriage is consummated so that they can unite empires. Dude, talk about pressure. How fucking crazy would that be?

• 10:16Speaker 02

  Talk about depraved, like.

• 10:18Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah.

• 10:19Speaker 02

  When we begin to see the reality of the leaders of the world.

• 10:24Christina Pazsitzky?

  I know.

• 10:25Speaker 02

  They are kinky as fuck.

• 10:26Christina Pazsitzky?

  I know.

• 10:27Speaker 02

  Cause who, someone, that's the kind of thing where like, they weren't doing that. And then some kinky person's like, you know what? I don't want to be weird, but I kind of want to make sure you actually fuck. Like, I don't want to watch, but we probably should watch, like, all of us.

• 10:44Christina Pazsitzky?

  So true. Some dude was like, we gotta watch it. Cause it was like the young, hot princess. It's like Marie Antoinette. She's 15.

• 10:51Speaker 02

  Yes.

• 10:51Christina Pazsitzky?

  And these creeps are like.

• 10:53Speaker 02

  Gathered around.

• 10:53Christina Pazsitzky?

  We just gotta, we just, I just gotta touch my penis while we do this. It's okay if we all have a masturbation, a circle, a royal circle jerk to consummate.

• 11:01Speaker 02

  Consummate.

• 11:02Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah, like France and England.

• 11:05Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 11:05Christina Pazsitzky?

  The Dauphin, everybody has to masturbate and come together in order to unify these two nations, Austria and.

• 11:13Speaker 02

  You're a 15 year old virgin who's been raised to breed. And imagine in some dimly lit room, just getting mounted by some filthy, hairy, lice ridden, fucking rotting mouth, stinky fucking man.

• 11:33Christina Pazsitzky?

  So smelly.

• 11:34Speaker 02

  You're bleeding and then you look around and there's just like.

• 11:41Christina Pazsitzky?

  Dude.

• 11:42Speaker 02

  Watching you get banged down.

• 11:47Christina Pazsitzky?

  Cool.

• 11:47Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 11:48Christina Pazsitzky?

  Sounds hot.

• 11:49Speaker 02

  Hot.

• 11:49Christina Pazsitzky?

  All right, let's start the show. Happy Halloween jeans, everybody.

• 11:52Speaker 02

  Happy Halloween jeans.

• 11:53Christina Pazsitzky?

  And here we go.

• 11:54Speaker 02

  Here we go. Say it again.

• 11:57Speaker 05

  Machines were thin, machines were thin, working on my song, machines were thin, machines were thin, machines were thin, machines were thin. Happy Halloween, happy Halloween. This shit is big time.

• 12:13Christina Pazsitzky?

  The fastest guy. Don't bring anyone loving to this.

• 12:15Speaker 05

  Your mom in the fucking stands. Welcome, welcome to your mom's house with Tom Segura.

• 12:25Speaker 06

  And Christina Pizitz.

• 12:28Speaker 05

  Welcome to your mom's house.

• 12:32Christina Pazsitzky?

  Oh yeah, feel it. Meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow.

• 12:42Christina Pazsitzky?

  Meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow. Meow, meow. Yeah, he really adds some, I like that. Meow, meow. Go ahead. Meow, meow. Wow.

• 12:57Christina Pazsitzky?

  Damn, Duncan.

• 12:58Speaker 02

  Thank you.

• 13:00Christina Pazsitzky?

  Dude, you sweetened that up.

• 13:02Speaker 02

  Thank you.

• 13:03Christina Pazsitzky?

  That was tight.

• 13:04Speaker 02

  Thank you.

• 13:05Christina Pazsitzky?

  I've never had somebody join in with the meows in 20 years of doing this show.

• 13:09Speaker 02

  Oh shit, did I fuck up? Was that disrespectful?

• 13:11Christina Pazsitzky?

  Bro, you just revolutionized the YMH intro. Usually it's just me and the fact that you joined in, homie, like, respect, that was rad.

• 13:19Speaker 02

  The spirit moved me.

• 13:20Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah, I felt it. Wow, that was so rad.

• 13:22Speaker 02

  Thank you.

• 13:23Christina Pazsitzky?

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• 14:06Christina Pazsitzky?

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• 14:51Christina Pazsitzky?

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• 15:34Christina Pazsitzky?

  It's very exciting. Get that idea off the ground before the rush of Black Friday and the holiday season hits. If you're ready to launch your business before Black Friday, go to Shopify.com/ymh to start your free trial. That's Shopify.com/ymh. Go to Shopify.com/ymh today to hear your first. Um, you've been to San Francisco?

• 15:58Speaker 02

  Yeah, sure.

• 15:59Christina Pazsitzky?

  And you know how creative the homeless population is there? Like, I would say of all the cities in America, San Francisco had the best homeless population. The most creative ways to beg for money. The greatest weirdos, there used to be a guy that would hang out under the freeway dressed like Sherlock Holmes. For no reason, just standing there smoking his pipe. And you'd be like, hey, Sherlock.

• 16:21Speaker 02

  Wow.

• 16:21Christina Pazsitzky?

  Although I think New York probably could give me a run for my money too, now that I say it out loud.

• 16:26Speaker 02

  I, you know, San Francisco was always cutting edge, like with the homeless, because they were the, the homeless in San Francisco, they became aggressive first, like.

• 16:35Christina Pazsitzky?

  Oh, wow. You're right, you're right.

• 16:37Speaker 02

  You go there and you would be shocked because they, they, they, they knew how to like get right on the bleeding edge of mugging you. You know, they weren't quite mugging you, but almost mugging you.

• 16:49Christina Pazsitzky?

  So aggressive.

• 16:50Speaker 02

  Yes.

• 16:51Christina Pazsitzky?

  But also it was quite a problem in San Francisco. There, it was always like, what do we do with these homeless? And they would put them in Golden Gate Park for a minute and that was bad. And then they just put them on a bus and sent them to Oakland eventually when I was living there. But anyway, I thought you'd appreciate this. This is a really cool guy. I'm supposed to have to ask for money. Brother, what the hell are you doing in this box?

• 17:14Christina Pazsitzky?

  Brother, what the hell? Oh, well, what besides that? I'm not sure what you're talking about. You're getting creative with this thing. Shit, I like that. Hey, you know what? You know what the most creative thing about change? It's getting somebody to give it to you.

• 17:31Christina Pazsitzky?

  That's good. You know how to get it. I'm gonna give you some money because you ain't one of them lazy bums that just be outside saying, give me a dollar. Wait, wait, wait, wait. What is it? What happened?

• 17:42Speaker 02

  That, you know, I gotta say this, this is something I've identified in my own mind that I don't like. Is there's like, I think people have a Simon Cowell in them when it comes to giving money to the homeless.

• 17:55Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah.

• 17:56Speaker 02

  You know what I mean? This guy's like, you know what? You deserve money, you know, but some you're kind of like, mm.

• 18:02Christina Pazsitzky?

  Well, cause some are just laid out and you're like, I don't know.

• 18:05Speaker 02

  A little more effort.

• 18:06Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah.

• 18:06Speaker 02

  It's fucked up.

• 18:08Christina Pazsitzky?

  It is fucked up.

• 18:08Speaker 02

  We were, we create like a, you know, you look at them, you're like, nah, you're, you don't deserve, like, you, it, the whole thing sucks. I gotta say though, this is not only like incredibly creative, but that is, that's like a pro box cutter, like.

• 18:22Christina Pazsitzky?

  That's what I'm saying. And, and also too, like, what's the difference between this fool and like Jim Henson in the seventies before he became famous? And they're like, I got these puppets.

• 18:31Speaker 02

  Right.

• 18:32Christina Pazsitzky?

  You guys want to watch my fucking puppets talk and sing and stuff?

• 18:35Speaker 02

  Right.

• 18:35Christina Pazsitzky?

  Same shit, different toilet. This guy's just mentally ill probably and.

• 18:38Speaker 02

  We don't know. It could just be a box. We don't know. I can't even see him in there.

• 18:42Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah, how does he fit himself in there?

• 18:44Speaker 02

  Exactly. Like, that's like what, he's like contorted inside the box if there is a man in the box.

• 18:51Christina Pazsitzky?

  So what you're saying is it could be a demon?

• 18:53Speaker 02

  Could just be a demon box. You don't know what's in there.

• 18:56Christina Pazsitzky?

  That's true.

• 18:57Speaker 02

  Could be anything.

• 18:58Christina Pazsitzky?

  I like that he wags the hand too. It's pretty fucking clever.

• 19:01Speaker 02

  I bet he rakes it in though. I bet he's like, I bet he like, even, even if he makes enough money to like get out of the streets. I don't, I'm sure he'd still go down there as a box.

• 19:12Christina Pazsitzky?

  Well, can I tell you the one flaw? He needs to put dollar bills in there to encourage others to put paper money.

• 19:19Speaker 02

  You're right. Totally.

• 19:20Christina Pazsitzky?

  And like, who carries change anymore?

• 19:22Speaker 02

  I feel like things are weird in San Francisco. Probably people swipe the cup from time to time. So he's got to pull the cash out.

• 19:28Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah, yeah. Well, very good. I'm very impressed. Are you, you gonna go trick or treating with your kids tonight?

• 19:35Speaker 02

  Oh, yeah.

• 19:35Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah, the whole fucking shebang.

• 19:37Speaker 02

  We're going trick or treating for sure. Yeah.

• 19:39Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah.

• 19:40Speaker 02

  What are your kids going as?

• 19:42Christina Pazsitzky?

  Um, Ellis is the, the Liberty Mutual guy. I guess they.

• 19:46Speaker 02

  Liberty Biverty? That's, that's like the ultimate corporate victory.

• 19:51Christina Pazsitzky?

  I know, I know, but he always has these great ideas. I don't know. He, he's that guy. And then with the emu, I guess they show this commercial a lot on like kids things like YouTube.

• 20:01Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 20:02Christina Pazsitzky?

  And then my other boy is going as a burglar, but like a high end one, like a suit. And then like the fucking, the ball of clava.

• 20:10Speaker 02

  Like a jewel thief.

• 20:11Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah, it's rad.

• 20:12Speaker 02

  That's fucking rad.

• 20:13Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 20:14Speaker 02

  That's rad.

• 20:14Christina Pazsitzky?

  What about you?

• 20:16Speaker 02

  Uh, we got, you know, we got the basics happening. We got, uh, Pikachu.

• 20:20Christina Pazsitzky?

  Oh, sweet, dude.

• 20:21Speaker 02

  We've got, um, uh, hazmat suit.

• 20:27Christina Pazsitzky?

  Amazon, clearly.

• 20:29Speaker 02

  Yes.

• 20:29Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah.

• 20:30Speaker 02

  And then

• 20:30Christina Pazsitzky?

  Hazmat.

• 20:31Speaker 02

  We've got a problem because Selma can't decide on what princess she wants to be. So she keeps changing

• 20:40Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yep.

• 20:41Speaker 02

  from Rapunzel to Belle. So, and it's getting down to the wire now. Like, we gotta, we gotta order.

• 20:49Christina Pazsitzky?

  Make some hot choices.

• 20:50Speaker 02

  Yeah, we gotta make the choice. So, yeah. Are you, do you dress up?

• 20:54Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah, I'm one of these, like, I get into it because of the kids. I think last year I was Beetlejuice.

• 21:01Speaker 02

  That's cool.

• 21:01Christina Pazsitzky?

  And I sent a video to your wife, or was it the year before I was Beetlejuice? Because I know that she has some disdain for adults.

• 21:08Speaker 02

  She does.

• 21:08Christina Pazsitzky?

  Who dress up.

• 21:09Speaker 02

  She does.

• 21:10Christina Pazsitzky?

  And I was like, Erin, are we still friends? And it was so gross, the makeup and the, yeah, it was good. She, she accepted me.

• 21:15Speaker 02

  I want to dress up this year, but I think she's gonna make fun of me too much.

• 21:19Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah, of course.

• 21:20Speaker 02

  I know. But I want to, and the kids don't want me to either. It sucks when the dad tries to outdo the kids and out. Do you know that thing?

• 21:29Christina Pazsitzky?

  That's the worst.

• 21:30Speaker 02

  It's horrible. You can't do it.

• 21:31Christina Pazsitzky?

  Can I tell you what I really find oppressive is when the parents dictate that it's a family costume? Like, we all have to be in a theme. It's like, what are you robbing the kid of their individuality?

• 21:43Speaker 02

  Yes.

• 21:44Christina Pazsitzky?

  Where are all the Simpsons or whatever fucking gay shit you're gonna be?

• 21:47Speaker 02

  So fucked.

• 21:48Christina Pazsitzky?

  I hate that one.

• 21:49Speaker 02

  Oh, it's, you know, and this happens not just on Halloween. Like, there's times where you'll see a dad come in to like a restaurant you're at, and the kids are dressed like the dad with the same haircut and shit.

• 22:01Christina Pazsitzky?

  Where are they at?

• 22:02Speaker 02

  Like little echoes. And like when they, and then they, you know, they're juniors. They, he, he gives them his name, but like Junior. And they're echoing him. And then you're looking at some kind of bizarre cum echo, you know, an echo of this man's jizz echoing out into time.

• 22:19Christina Pazsitzky?

  Because his jizz is the best.

• 22:20Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 22:20Christina Pazsitzky?

  And he's gotta make other jizzes, jizz copies of himself.

• 22:23Speaker 02

  Spooky.

• 22:24Christina Pazsitzky?

  Can you fucking imagine?

• 22:25Speaker 02

  Spooky.

• 22:26Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah, I don't like that shit.

• 22:27Speaker 02

  There's some creepy dads out there, man.

• 22:29Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah, I do think it can go a little too far. You're right. When the parent is out doing it. And also, oh my God, here in Austin, I forget, I would think I was wearing some kind of costume. And they're like, where'd you get it? And I was like, this is Amazon. They're like, boo. And they gave me, like, it's hip. We were in some hippie neighborhood.

• 22:48Speaker 02

  I'm so sick of this shit. Let people live their fucking lives. Everyone's got an opinion on like, no matter what it is, it's, it's never pure enough for some of these people. And how did that fucking happen? It's so bizarre that, you know, these, it used to be the puritanicals.

• 23:08Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah.

• 23:08Speaker 02

  Were on the right. And what's this leftist puritanical fucking bullshit? It's so frustrating.

• 23:15Christina Pazsitzky?

  I know.

• 23:15Speaker 02

  We used to be the outsiders. We were the freaks. We, we were, we weren't like, trying to like, make everyone conform to some awful, dark tyrannical, you could order from fucking Amazon.

• 23:29Christina Pazsitzky?

  Well, and also too, once you become a parent, you're like, bro, I can either fucking get my ass in the car, go to that shit store, drag my kids there and have the most miserable afternoon of my life.

• 23:39Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 23:40Christina Pazsitzky?

  Or I can order it on my phone and it shows up tomorrow between two and seven fucking PM.

• 23:44Speaker 02

  Yes.

• 23:44Christina Pazsitzky?

  Like, it just saves you the hassle

• 23:46Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 23:47Christina Pazsitzky?

  of putting the kids in the fucking car and going with them, dude. These are all people without kids. These are the same people I see in the park, playing frisbee with each other.

• 23:56Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 23:56Christina Pazsitzky?

  Like, what are you doing? You're an adult. Get the fuck out of here. I don't want to go to the park unless I have to be there.

• 24:01Speaker 02

  Yes.

• 24:02Christina Pazsitzky?

  You know how miserable it is?

• 24:03Speaker 02

  Yes.

• 24:04Christina Pazsitzky?

  To go to the park and sit at the playground and, and you're like, Jesus fucking Christ.

• 24:09Speaker 02

  Yes.

• 24:10Christina Pazsitzky?

  What are you doing here? Get the fuck out of here.

• 24:12Speaker 02

  Get the fuck out of here.

• 24:13Christina Pazsitzky?

  Go to a restaurant.

• 24:14Speaker 02

  Go somewhere else. What are you doing?

• 24:16Christina Pazsitzky?

  What are you doing?

• 24:17Speaker 02

  It's just, and by the way, look, I am not a breeder, I'm not like a, a breeder fascist. Like, if you, I get it. You don't want to have kids, don't have fucking kids.

• 24:26Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah.

• 24:27Speaker 02

  You, you want to like, experience, like, you want to like, bank on like humanoid robots when you get older and are shitting your fucking pants?

• 24:35Christina Pazsitzky?

  That's what they're doing.

• 24:36Speaker 02

  And it's probably gonna happen. It's probably gonna happen. You're probably gonna be okay.

• 24:39Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah.

• 24:39Speaker 02

  And, and, and you want to, like, I get it. Like, dude, my friends are always like flying to Hawaii. And like, it's so incredible. It's so incredible. But, but, you know, they'll, they'll never know, they'll never know the parent high. You know what I mean? They'll never know. Like, every once in a while, the kingdom of heaven creeps in and suddenly you're in some transcendent realm where you realize

• 25:05Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah.

• 25:05Speaker 02

  everything's perfect. But you know what we'll never know? We'll never know watching a fucking movie and being like, wow, I've never been there. What is that Tahiti? I think I'll go this weekend.

• 25:16Christina Pazsitzky?

  Or just watching a movie.

• 25:19Speaker 02

  Oh, yeah.

• 25:21Christina Pazsitzky?

  People are always like, Christina, have you seen the new series about the thing? And I'm like, no. When would I fucking watch that? My, my eight year old will run in. Anything worth watching as an adult, you can't watch in front of your kids. So, yeah, have I seen Hocus Pocus 2? Absolutely.

• 25:37Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 25:37Christina Pazsitzky?

  Have I seen the fucking witch movie with Nicole Kidman 2?

• 25:41Speaker 02

  Many times.

• 25:42Christina Pazsitzky?

  Charmed or whatever the fuck?

• 25:43Speaker 02

  Many times.

• 25:43Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah, yeah, I've seen that.

• 25:44Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 25:44Christina Pazsitzky?

  You want to talk about Soul, that cartoon? I've seen that.

• 25:47Speaker 02

  Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Fuck, yeah. You, you, yeah. You want to talk about SpongeBob SquarePants? I can tell you lots about SpongeBob, you know?

• 25:58Christina Pazsitzky?

  Pickle and Peanut, our friend Johnny Pemberton.

• 26:00Speaker 02

  That's right.

• 26:00Christina Pazsitzky?

  But here's the thing, is that you gotta be somewhat selective about, like, if you can get your kids into the good stuff like SpongeBob, then it's tolerable.

• 26:07Speaker 02

  Yes.

• 26:08Christina Pazsitzky?

  Um, again, Pickle and Peanut, our friend Johnny Pemberton

• 26:11Speaker 02

  Yes.

• 26:11Christina Pazsitzky?

  is, is on that.

• 26:12Speaker 02

  It's great.

• 26:12Christina Pazsitzky?

  And I think Walsh, Brendan Walsh.

• 26:14Speaker 02

  Brendan Walsh.

• 26:15Christina Pazsitzky?

  So funny. So good. My kids love midnight gospel, by the way.

• 26:19Speaker 02

  Do they really?

• 26:20Christina Pazsitzky?

  They loved it. They fucking loved it.

• 26:22Speaker 02

  They're cool. Your kids are even cooler than I thought.

• 26:25Christina Pazsitzky?

  Well, I forced them. You got to start early.

• 26:27Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 26:27Christina Pazsitzky?

  Into the weird stuff.

• 26:28Speaker 02

  Yeah. Yeah. Well, I'll tell you, you know, whenever you invite your non breeder friends over, and they, they like show up 45 minutes late, and you're just like, you, you, are you out of your fucking mind? This is bedtime. And then I've got this window. I've got a window, man. You don't understand. They have no idea. They have no idea. They'll text you, oh, I'm an hour away. You don't understand what's going on over here, man.

• 26:54Christina Pazsitzky?

  No, especially with small kids.

• 26:56Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 26:56Christina Pazsitzky?

  Like, bro, you're right. There's a finite fuck, it's like seven to 7:30. If we don't do the bath, and if we don't do all this shit.

• 27:03Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 27:04Christina Pazsitzky?

  It all gets backed up and there's hell to pay.

• 27:06Speaker 02

  Yeah. And God help them if they ring the doorbell.

• 27:09Christina Pazsitzky?

  Oh, ring the doorbell during nap time?

• 27:10Speaker 02

  Oh. Geez, might as well throw a rock through the fucking window. The dog starts barking, the baby starts crying, the whole fucking, it's a conflagration, a meltdown. It's like Chernobyl.

• 27:22Christina Pazsitzky?

  I know. Well, I had to put a sign on my door when Ellis was a baby, because I, I was Amazoning so much. Like, just don't fucking ring the doorbell. You finally get that kid to sleep.

• 27:31Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 27:32Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah, because it's just all, yeah, you're like, please don't do, what are you doing? This is the one hour of peace I have today, bro. Because it's not even like, as a parent, you go to sleep and you just clock out. Like, guess what? They're gonna come into your room. Mom, mom, my tooth is loose. Mom, I gotta take a shit. You're like,

• 27:49Speaker 02

  That's right.

• 27:50Christina Pazsitzky?

  It's relentless.

• 27:50Speaker 02

  That's right.

• 27:51Tom Segura?

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• 28:34Tom Segura?

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• 29:19Tom Segura?

  a secret that I've been in the gym dialing in my exercise routine. And until recently, I thought those two habits could coexist. It turns out nicotine actually works to narrow blood vessels and block oxygen from making it to the muscles. So it ends up spiking cortisol, breaking down muscle tissue, and preventing any pump from appearing. That's why it's time to make the switch to Ultra Pouches. They're completely free of nicotine and caffeine. Ultras run on clinically proven nootropics and adaptogens for enhanced focus and energy that lasts. Throw one in before a workout on the workday. Try it out. Trust me, you will feel it. Ultra is the ultimate guilt free pouch, delivering instant focus and mental clarity

• 30:02Tom Segura?

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• 30:26Christina Pazsitzky?

  Anyway, that's why I drink. But can I just say that this new divorced mom's schedule, like, you were, I mean, look, in the beginning, I was really sad. I think you and Erin were there like, the first time I had to hand my kids to Tom to, to do his daddy weekend or whatever. And I cried and I was so bereft. And now.

• 30:48Christina Pazsitzky?

  I'm like, uh, later. Bye, guys. Like the minute.

• 30:50Speaker 02

  Freedom.

• 30:51Christina Pazsitzky?

  They're out of the door. I rip a dart.

• 30:53Speaker 02

  Freedom.

• 30:53Christina Pazsitzky?

  And I pour myself a glass of something.

• 30:55Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 30:55Christina Pazsitzky?

  I have my girlfriends come over.

• 30:57Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 30:58Christina Pazsitzky?

  Dude, I'm like nocturnal now. I'll stay up all night.

• 31:01Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 31:01Christina Pazsitzky?

  Getting ripped. I go to the mothership. I went to the mothership fucking last week just to watch, just to watch Kill Tony for the first time in a decade.

• 31:09Speaker 02

  Whoa.

• 31:10Christina Pazsitzky?

  So much fun.

• 31:11Speaker 02

  So that's, that's pretty, that's pretty cool. That's a silver lining right there.

• 31:15Christina Pazsitzky?

  It is a silver lining to divorce. And now like I'm a better mom in some regards because I see the light at the end of the tunnel.

• 31:21Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 31:22Christina Pazsitzky?

  Where you're like, okay, I know I'm a single parent right now, but it ends in this amount of time. Whereas before, Tom was always gone and I was always the one on duty.

• 31:31Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 31:32Christina Pazsitzky?

  And it was like, fuck off.

• 31:33Speaker 02

  That, I feel guilty with Erin because like I get to go on the road. Like if I go to the mothership, I'm performing and, and that's work.

• 31:42Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah, but it's still fun.

• 31:43Speaker 02

  It's still fun, but you know, and how long can, you know, you could pretend like, ah, I gotta, gotta get to work. It's like, you're, you're getting the, you're going to the factory? Is that where you're headed? You gonna go print some license plates down at the mothership?

• 31:58Christina Pazsitzky?

  I know.

• 31:59Speaker 02

  You know?

• 31:59Christina Pazsitzky?

  Well, that was the best part about being married to a comic is that neither of us could really complain.

• 32:05Speaker 02

  Right.

• 32:05Christina Pazsitzky?

  To the other one.

• 32:06Speaker 02

  Right.

• 32:06Christina Pazsitzky?

  You know, because you know, you come back off the road and you're exhausted. Yes, you are. But guess what? You're still a parent.

• 32:12Speaker 02

  That's right.

• 32:12Christina Pazsitzky?

  You still gotta make that mac and cheese. You still gotta change a fucking diaper, bro.

• 32:16Speaker 02

  Yeah, I, you know, it's made me tough. Like I, in like, there was a, a real pussified period for me is I was acclimating to what it means to have a bunch of kids. Where I would come off the road and I would really ham it up. Like, oh, you just, I would say to Erin, you don't know how draining it is. And it's like, really in retrospect, I was just being just a massive pussy.

• 32:40Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah.

• 32:40Speaker 02

  Cause it, you, I am tired. You know?

• 32:43Christina Pazsitzky?

  It is exhausting. It's not great.

• 32:45Speaker 02

  So what?

• 32:46Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah.

• 32:47Speaker 02

  That's the, see, that's, I think the gift of having kids. That's what it gives you.

• 32:51Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah.

• 32:52Speaker 02

  Is it gives you some kind of like David Goggins.

• 32:54Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah.

• 32:55Speaker 02

  Where it's like, you gotta just do, it doesn't matter. Yeah, you're fucking tired. So what?

• 32:59Christina Pazsitzky?

  So what?

• 33:00Speaker 02

  Push through.

• 33:01Christina Pazsitzky?

  Oh, you got cancer? Too bad.

• 33:03Speaker 02

  Too bad.

• 33:03Christina Pazsitzky?

  You gotta go to radiation when your kids are at school, come home, nap. And then when they're home by 3:30, you're normal. Like that's, but that's what grows you the fuck up.

• 33:13Speaker 02

  That's right.

• 33:13Christina Pazsitzky?

  Is you're like, oh, this is nothing.

• 33:15Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 33:15Christina Pazsitzky?

  Cause I have to hold it together for these people, these other people, which is great. It takes you out of your own bullshit.

• 33:21Speaker 02

  That's right. That's right.

• 33:22Christina Pazsitzky?

  Fuck, anyway.

• 33:23Speaker 02

  Makes you strong. Like it definitely, like, you know, that thing, something does, like all of a sudden, it's like you look back at all this stuff that you thought used to make you tired.

• 33:32Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah.

• 33:32Speaker 02

  And you realize that was, you were just sort of pretending to be tired or you know what I mean? Like that wasn't real tired.

• 33:40Christina Pazsitzky?

  Not kid tired.

• 33:40Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 33:41Christina Pazsitzky?

  Multiple kid. You're on four kid tired. I can't even imagine what that feels like.

• 33:45Speaker 02

  Four kid. I, you know what? It's,

• 33:49Speaker 02

  but I, you know, honestly, like I owe a lot of it to Erin because she is just like such a great mom. And she's so dedicated and she really like holds, holds it up for me so that I can do stuff like this and like drink White Claws and wear a wine box in the middle of the day, but the kids are at school.

• 34:07Christina Pazsitzky?

  Cheers. Hey.

• 34:08Speaker 02

  Cheers.

• 34:08Christina Pazsitzky?

  Cheers.

• 34:09Speaker 02

  Cheers.

• 34:10Christina Pazsitzky?

  To divorce and to good partners.

• 34:11Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 34:11Christina Pazsitzky?

  It's all good, homie. Okay. I'm going to get into your curations here because, I mean, look, you've really sent in some quality bangers and I, I just feel like you're, you're kind of just enhancing the tenor of the show.

• 34:26Speaker 02

  Thank you.

• 34:26Christina Pazsitzky?

  In ways I didn't think we could really stretch.

• 34:29Speaker 02

  I've learned from the master.

• 34:30Christina Pazsitzky?

  Oh, stop, stop, please. You're just too good. Okay, here we go. This one really, really captured my soul.

• 34:43Christina Pazsitzky?

  Bog jump.

• 34:46Speaker 02

  Ah, the bird is like, what are you doing? Jesus Christ, get out of there.

• 34:53Christina Pazsitzky?

  Is that quicksand? Is that what a bog?

• 34:55Speaker 02

  I think that's quicksand.

• 34:58Christina Pazsitzky?

  Now, is this a fetish? Is this making his dick hard? Oh, okay. It always is. It's always.

• 35:03Speaker 02

  This is a whole fetish. This is like a newer sort of like back to nature version of the fetish, but it's a fetish.

• 35:10Christina Pazsitzky?

  He's like, what's, but what's making his dick hard exactly? I'm not sure.

• 35:14Speaker 02

  You know, I am, I, I think like, obviously that looks like he jumped into a puddle of shit. And I think that's kind of part of it is it's like, sort of, you know, it's like shit.

• 35:31Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah, it's degrading, the degradation.

• 35:34Speaker 02

  The degradation and it looks like he's, it does seem, he appears to be in some form of gimp suit, but I can't really tell.

• 35:39Christina Pazsitzky?

  So how's he breathing? But the zipper's open on his mouth.

• 35:42Speaker 02

  Oh, yeah, the zipper's open. So he can breathe. Uh, but this is, this, the higher levels of this are, you know, you go into the porta potty or the septic tank, which is a classic.

• 35:55Christina Pazsitzky?

  Oh, I've seen that. We've had that on the show, the septic tank guys. They love that stuff.

• 35:58Speaker 02

  Gimps love this. This is why if you, and I, I don't mean to get, I'm sorry, because I hate corrective anything these days.

• 36:05Christina Pazsitzky?

  Sure.

• 36:06Speaker 02

  I know a lot of people who watch YMH have gimps.

• 36:09Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah.

• 36:09Speaker 02

  And, and it, you know, and I get it. We all want one. And you see, you see a thousand and one gimps and you want a gimp.

• 36:16Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah.

• 36:16Speaker 02

  And then you think it's going to be easy to work with a gimp and raise a gimp. And it's not. They are demanding. You've got to keep them locked up.

• 36:24Christina Pazsitzky?

  Is that right? You have to lock them up just at night or all day?

• 36:27Speaker 02

  All day. I mean, it depends on the gimp. I mean, some gimps are like, they, for whatever reason, they don't try to get out. But most gimps will try to escape and they flee into a septic tank. And this can, is very expensive. They will burrow into your septic tank. God help you if you're like near a music festival and they start smelling the porta potties.

• 36:49Christina Pazsitzky?

  Oh, right.

• 36:50Speaker 02

  It's like fireworks for a dog.

• 36:51Christina Pazsitzky?

  I was just gonna say, it sounds like having a puppy.

• 36:54Speaker 02

  It's very similar.

• 36:55Christina Pazsitzky?

  You gotta keep it in the crate. And then when it, I remember we had, Bitsy is a puppy. She would diarrhea in the crate and then step on her own diarrhea. And then now you're washing off the fucking puppy.

• 37:04Speaker 02

  You got it. And that's not fun. I'll tell you, man, um, ACL, ostency limits. Uh, I got, it's one, and I probably shouldn't even bring this up and maybe cut this out, but, um, so I, you know, I get the call you never want to get. It's from somebody at ACL.

• 37:21Christina Pazsitzky?

  Oh, no.

• 37:21Speaker 02

  Sounded like they were on ecstasy, which is such a bummer because I don't want to mess up their trip. And they're like, hey, I think we found your gimp. And I'm like, no, what happened? And they're like, he's in a porta potty. And they're like, you know, I was taking an ecstasy shit and I heard something like muttering down there. And I, it's, I'm pretty sure this is your gimp because we put a big dog tag on him, you know?

• 37:45Christina Pazsitzky?

  You've got to if they're going to be at a festival.

• 37:47Speaker 02

  Yeah. Well, no, he shouldn't have been at the fest. That's the thing is like, and we were pretty far away from the festival, but they can hear the bass. They can, I think, pick up on the smell of the, of the shitters.

• 37:59Christina Pazsitzky?

  It wafts to my neighborhood because I live close to where it was happening.

• 38:03Speaker 02

  It wafts.

• 38:04Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah.

• 38:04Speaker 02

  It wafts.

• 38:04Christina Pazsitzky?

  But how do you get the gimp out of the, the poo? Cause it's, it's feet down, no?

• 38:10Speaker 02

  It is a nightmare. I had to drive down to ACL, no tickets. I had to explain to them, my gimp's in one of your porta potties. I don't care about this festival. I don't like live music. I need to get home. So they, they're just pissed because like now they've got to go to the porta potty. They've got to get the porta potty up. They've got to get the thing out of the tank. Now I've got a filthy, filthy gimp covered in just all kind of puke and drug bags. Cause people throw their drug bags in there and he's opening the drug bags and licking the bags. And it's not their fault. You know, a lot of people, they punish their gimp too much. And you know, I'm not into that with.

• 38:54Christina Pazsitzky?

  What do you do? Gentle parenting? Gentle gimp?

• 38:57Speaker 02

  Xanax drugs. I just drug them up. So we, you know, I injected him with some benzothiazine mix and then got him back under the stairs, but it was horrible.

• 39:07Christina Pazsitzky?

  Best way to do it, Duncan, because people are like, you gotta be gentle with your gimp. But I think drugs are really the way to go.

• 39:13Speaker 02

  I agree. Drug them.

• 39:14Christina Pazsitzky?

  Just, yeah, lay them out and then.

• 39:16Speaker 02

  Lay them out.

• 39:16Christina Pazsitzky?

  Cause they're gonna, they're gonna squirm in the car and get shit and puke everywhere. Man, you and I have figured this out. Here we go. This one's really cool.

• 39:28Speaker 02

  I love her so much.

• 39:31Christina Pazsitzky?

  I am, that's good.

• 39:34Speaker 02

  I mean, come on. Come on.

• 39:36Christina Pazsitzky?

  It's hard to balance. And then is, are those whips? Cause I've, I've been into a lot of whips on TikTok too. And the guy shows you how he does his whipping.

• 39:44Speaker 02

  Those are whips.

• 39:45Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah.

• 39:45Speaker 02

  Those are whips and she's balancing and she's playing harmonica. And there's so many people out there who feel like their soulmate isn't out there. But I'm telling you, women like this still exist in the world. They're.

• 39:55Christina Pazsitzky?

  I hope so. I hope.

• 39:57Speaker 02

  Look.

• 39:58Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah, she's out there. Okay, this one's really nice too. This is hum.

• 40:01Speaker 02

  I don't even want to watch that.

• 40:03Speaker 05

  This type of practice is often missing in modern yoga. A lot of people talk about face yoga, tongue movements.

• 40:10Christina Pazsitzky?

  Face yoga.

• 40:10Speaker 05

  But in traditional yoga, they're often done with the whole body.

• 40:13Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah.

• 40:14Speaker 02

  Can you imagine walking in on your grandpa doing that?

• 40:17Speaker 05

  As your face, your tongue, your eyes, by making the whole body act as one.

• 40:21Speaker 07

  You can really get the thinking brain in your head to connect with your gut brain at the core.

• 40:26Speaker 02

  He's charismatic though.

• 40:27Speaker 07

  This is actually meditation in action. This is Kriya, the first day.

• 40:31Christina Pazsitzky?

  Thing is, this guy fucks.

• 40:32Speaker 02

  Oh, I was about to say that.

• 40:33Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah, he fucks. He knows what he's doing.

• 40:36Speaker 02

  Oh my god.

• 40:36Christina Pazsitzky?

  He knows what he's, he's putting it out there. What's on his forehead? Oh, that's the mic.

• 40:40Speaker 02

  Is that the mic?

• 40:41Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah, they do that.

• 40:42Speaker 02

  Oh, I thought that was some kind of like Jewish thing.

• 40:44Christina Pazsitzky?

  He's doing this.

• 40:47Speaker 02

  Tefillin. Dude, he fucks for sure. And you know, I think it speaks to whatever yoga he's teaching, cause

• 40:53Christina Pazsitzky?

  Look at his shoulders.

• 40:54Speaker 02

  Look at his shoulders. He's got a glow. He's charismatic.

• 40:57Christina Pazsitzky?

  Shit.

• 40:58Speaker 02

  Yeah, I feel drawn in.

• 41:00Christina Pazsitzky?

  You see, these yoga guys, they all got these rocking bods, like Will Blunderfeld, the guy that he drinks his urine and he drinks his semen and, and um, he's got the same kind of glow to him.

• 41:10Speaker 02

  Yep.

• 41:11Christina Pazsitzky?

  It's yoga.

• 41:12Speaker 02

  Well, they, they will get you. You know, when I

• 41:15Christina Pazsitzky?

  There's Will Blunderfeld. Look at him.

• 41:17Speaker 02

  Blunder, Blunderfeld is like in great shape.

• 41:21Christina Pazsitzky?

  Do we have a clip we can show him?

• 41:23Speaker 02

  Sweet dude.

• 41:24Christina Pazsitzky?

  Really sweet. I really adore him, actually. Very healthy, very happy. He's not on drugs anymore. He just, he has these uh, retreats that you can go on as a straight man.

• 41:36Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 41:36Christina Pazsitzky?

  Obviously.

• 41:37Speaker 02

  Yeah, for sure. Only straight dudes go on to those retreats.

• 41:39Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 41:40Speaker 02

  Oh wow, Blunderfeld has a Substack. That's cool.

• 41:46Speaker 02

  Ancient male bonding.

• 41:50Speaker 02

  Bonding of the ancient male.

• 41:52Christina Pazsitzky?

  Dudes are fucking relentless with getting laid. It's all they care about.

• 41:57Speaker 02

  I know.

• 41:58Christina Pazsitzky?

  It's pretty wild when you're like, dude, it's all down to your balls, dude. Everything's your balls.

• 42:02Speaker 02

  I know. I know. Was that the, is that the first or the second shocker? A lot of people are trapped there. Will would know.

• 42:10Christina Pazsitzky?

  But here's why I love dudes. I like this kind of shit though.

• 42:21Speaker 02

  Oh my god, it hurts.

• 42:27Christina Pazsitzky?

  Taser, taser, taser.

• 42:31Christina Pazsitzky?

  They're laughing, damn. See how much fun this is?

• 42:36Christina Pazsitzky?

  Taser, taser, taser. These are chicks getting tasered, why?

• 42:45Speaker 02

  It makes, it definitely makes you scream.

• 42:53Speaker 02

  Look, they got, they all got zapped.

• 43:00Christina Pazsitzky?

  Fetal juice, fetal juice, fetal juice.

• 43:04Christina Pazsitzky?

  Great job.

• 43:04Speaker 02

  Great work.

• 43:10Speaker 02

  So satisfying to watch.

• 43:11Christina Pazsitzky?

  I know.

• 43:14Christina Pazsitzky?

  What do you think that feels like?

• 43:16Speaker 02

  I can't tell. I mean, I'm wondering, I mean, getting shocked sucks.

• 43:21Christina Pazsitzky?

  Just, just a little bit.

• 43:22Speaker 02

  But it's a dart. Like, you're getting, a dart is going into your ass, right?

• 43:27Christina Pazsitzky?

  You know, a while ago, I wanted to order a taser so that we could taser Tanner, but I'm hearing some resistance on his part. I can't imagine why.

• 43:35Speaker 02

  Can we take a look at that, baby?

• 43:36Christina Pazsitzky?

  Fuck yeah, I can. What do you think he will? But Josh was like, Solo was like, uh, liability, you could kill somebody.

• 43:43Speaker 02

  He could die.

• 43:44Speaker 05

  Don't get me wrong, this is dumb, but he'll do it.

• 43:48Speaker 02

  It is like, this is what turns it into like some kind of very sad YMH documentary about something that you know what I mean? Cause people could die. You could stop someone's heart.

• 44:00Christina Pazsitzky?

  They don't die.

• 44:01Speaker 02

  Well, these are soldiers.

• 44:02Christina Pazsitzky?

  This is military training. You, you, you know, Tanner's in great shape. He's what, 19 years old? He's a kid.

• 44:07Speaker 02

  He's a kid.

• 44:08Christina Pazsitzky?

  These people are in great shape. How can they, they do this in the military? The government tasers people for fun.

• 44:13Speaker 02

  That's true.

• 44:14Christina Pazsitzky?

  And I can't taser my employee?

• 44:15Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 44:16Christina Pazsitzky?

  What kind of shit is this?

• 44:17Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 44:18Christina Pazsitzky?

  Oh my god, I'm so scared, Duncan.

• 44:20Speaker 02

  You might have to put batteries in there, though.

• 44:23Christina Pazsitzky?

  Oh yeah, it's got an ISB thing. You can charge it.

• 44:25Speaker 02

  Oh, it charges?

• 44:26Christina Pazsitzky?

  Don't they just give it to you charged? I mean, guys, this looks terrible.

• 44:33Christina Pazsitzky?

  Taser unboxing vid.

• 44:35Speaker 02

  Oh dude.

• 44:36Christina Pazsitzky?

  Oh dude.

• 44:36Speaker 02

  Oh!

• 44:37Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah, it's, it's light.

• 44:38Speaker 02

  That looks like it hurts. Oh, nope.

• 44:42Speaker 02

  It's on.

• 44:43Christina Pazsitzky?

  Where's Tanner?

• 44:44Speaker 02

  Shouldn't we see a pulse or something come across it? Doesn't it like a little blue?

• 44:47Christina Pazsitzky?

  You're a boy, you do it.

• 44:49Speaker 02

  Let me see this, baby. Viper tech.

• 44:52Christina Pazsitzky?

  The viper tech. Thank you, Amazon.

• 44:55Speaker 02

  I don't, wait, hold on.

• 44:56Christina Pazsitzky?

  I'm scared.

• 44:57Speaker 02

  Okay, wait.

• 44:57Christina Pazsitzky?

  Tase like the can or something.

• 45:02Speaker 02

  That's gotta fucking hurt, man.

• 45:04Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yes.

• 45:08Christina Pazsitzky?

  Tanner, no, no!

• 45:10Speaker 02

  What?

• 45:10Christina Pazsitzky?

  No, your father, no, you can't die today. No, no!

• 45:18Speaker 02

  Fucking hurts!

• 45:25Christina Pazsitzky?

  What did it feel like?

• 45:25Speaker 02

  It fucking hurts!

• 45:26Christina Pazsitzky?

  What did it feel like, a burn?

• 45:27Speaker 02

  It feels like

• 45:30Speaker 02

  getting cut.

• 45:31Christina Pazsitzky?

  Like getting cut?

• 45:32Speaker 02

  It feels like, look, look, it left a burn mark.

• 45:36Christina Pazsitzky?

  Oh shit, so it's a burn?

• 45:38Speaker 02

  It's kind of like a burn, it still hurts. I kind of feel my muscles, but

• 45:42Christina Pazsitzky?

  It shocks?

• 45:43Speaker 02

  Let me tell you, I don't think this is gonna, this is like, I think you need bear spray. Like, I don't think this is gonna stop somebody trying to fuck with you.

• 45:50Christina Pazsitzky?

  Are you sure?

• 45:51Speaker 02

  I guess if you kept it going, maybe? Would it burn? Can I try it on a candle? Would it light a candle?

• 46:02Speaker 02

  No. Yeah, it did melt it a little bit.

• 46:06Christina Pazsitzky?

  Dude, that is terrifying.

• 46:07Speaker 02

  You could definitely, Tanner, I did this to myself, so you could do this to Tanner, like

• 46:12Speaker 05

  He's not here, you want me to get him?

• 46:13Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah.

• 46:14Speaker 02

  You could self

• 46:15Christina Pazsitzky?

  Duncan, he's 87 years old, he's got four kids, everything to lose, and he did it. Quit being a pussy, Tanner.

• 46:21Speaker 02

  But I, this, I don't, I think this is not like the most powerful of tasers.

• 46:26Christina Pazsitzky?

  No, no, that's why I have this. That's why I got this one.

• 46:29Speaker 02

  Oh, Jesus Christ. That's an Axon Pulse 2. That would, that

• 46:35Christina Pazsitzky?

  Energy weapon.

• 46:36Speaker 02

  This is one with, energy weapon. See, look, this has got the darts. Look at the spear. It's like a harpoon.

• 46:46Christina Pazsitzky?

  That was a scary one. Tanner, come here. Will you try just tasing yourself a little? Duncan just did it. He's 87 years old, he's got four kids.

• 46:56Speaker 02

  It's not, I mean, it hurts, but it's not

• 46:59Christina Pazsitzky?

  He just tased his arm just like fast.

• 47:02Speaker 02

  I did a quick pop. I, I would not call this, you could do it, you could self inflict. I mean, it's up to you.

• 47:10Christina Pazsitzky?

  No.

• 47:10Speaker 02

  I think you should tase him.

• 47:12Christina Pazsitzky?

  No, I'm scared. No, what if I kill him? I'd rather he killed himself. I can't do it. I'm too scared.

• 47:19Speaker 02

  I see what you're saying.

• 47:20Christina Pazsitzky?

  I'm scared.

• 47:21Speaker 02

  Look, it's just a

• 47:22Christina Pazsitzky?

  Now I feel bad, cause the look on your face is, is not. I thought you'd be into it. No, no, no, don't do it again!

• 47:32Speaker 02

  It really hurts. It is, it is

• 47:35Christina Pazsitzky?

  Tanner, I'm just, only if you're into it. You know, I thought, I thought this would be something that you'd enjoy.

• 47:39Speaker 02

  It's like getting a little bite from a little dog or something. I'm not gonna do it. You do it, you gotta do it to yourself.

• 47:45Christina Pazsitzky?

  You have to want to do it. I'm not gonna fire you if you don't do it, but I'm just saying, I just wanna, I just wanna see.

• 47:51Speaker 02

  It does leave an, an after effect though.

• 47:53Christina Pazsitzky?

  An after burn? Don't do it again, Duncan. Aaron's gonna kill me.

• 48:00Christina Pazsitzky?

  Are you grounding him? Quick, just do quick, just do quick, just do quick.

• 48:04Speaker 02

  It's not gonna knock you, it's not gonna knock you out.

• 48:08Christina Pazsitzky?

  What if he dies?

• 48:09Speaker 02

  No, you could do it, don't worry.

• 48:11Christina Pazsitzky?

  Are you gonna die?

• 48:12Speaker 02

  Take, take the bite of the viper. Take the bite of the viper.

• 48:16Speaker 02

  Viper's bite, viper's steam.

• 48:17Speaker 03

  Viper bite!

• 48:20Speaker 03

  Oh, I can like feel it already.

• 48:21Christina Pazsitzky?

  No!

• 48:24Speaker 03

  No, I'm already here. I have to do it. Do or die!

• 48:33Speaker 02

  You didn't

• 48:33Speaker 03

  No, I didn't do it.

• 48:36Speaker 03

  It was like right there. No, I didn't do it yet.

• 48:38Speaker 02

  Oh, just shock yourself now.

• 48:39Speaker 03

  I had myself up and I fucking missed on it.

• 48:42Christina Pazsitzky?

  Oh, this is so much fun.

• 48:43Speaker 03

  My heart is like pounding.

• 48:45Christina Pazsitzky?

  See, you boys love doing dumb shit.

• 48:47Speaker 02

  It's the anticipation is worse than the feeling.

• 48:49Christina Pazsitzky?

  You can do it, Tanner.

• 48:50Speaker 02

  It's like a rubber band. It's not that big a deal.

• 48:52Speaker 03

  Rubber band!

• 48:55Christina Pazsitzky?

  Thank you Tanner, thank you. Give Tanner a raise, that was wonderful. That was really special. You know you fuckers are gonna be playing with that thing after this, right?

• 49:09Speaker 02

  Yeah, it leaves a little burn.

• 49:12Speaker 03

  Now you're in the club.

• 49:14Christina Pazsitzky?

  You did it. I'm so proud of you Tanner.

• 49:18Speaker 02

  Let's take a look at the Pulse 2 Energy Weapon.

• 49:23Christina Pazsitzky?

  I love watching guys do dumb shit. It really makes me happy.

• 49:28Speaker 02

  It's kind of irresistible.

• 49:29Christina Pazsitzky?

  It's so fun. No, it's very fun. That's why I like skaters and weirdos. It's just fun.

• 49:34Speaker 02

  You gotta know what it feels like. I'm surprised you're not gonna do it to yourself.

• 49:38Christina Pazsitzky?

  I've had a tattoo removal. That's pretty crazy.

• 49:40Speaker 02

  Oh, it's the same. I guarantee it's the same. Guarantee it's the same.

• 49:43Christina Pazsitzky?

  I've had a lot of bad things.

• 49:45Speaker 02

  So here we have the Axon. Now, I do wanna say the

• 49:51Christina Pazsitzky?

  Dude.

• 49:52Speaker 02

  The box kind of gives you

• 49:55Christina Pazsitzky?

  That thing shoots like

• 49:56Speaker 02

  The box makes it seem like it's much bigger than it is.

• 49:58Christina Pazsitzky?

  Oh.

• 49:59Speaker 02

  See, that, this seems like it could stop like a drone or something. This is like

• 50:04Christina Pazsitzky?

  That's so shitty.

• 50:05Speaker 02

  This is like a little guy, but we've got some kind of tape here. This definitely has a feeling of like it was made in Wuhan. Let's see what this is. Okay.

• 50:16Christina Pazsitzky?

  Oh.

• 50:20Speaker 02

  Look at that, it stays on!

• 50:24Speaker 02

  That's cool as fuck. Look. Oh yeah, baby. Look at that! That's a little scarier. This one's scarier.

• 50:34Christina Pazsitzky?

  It's terrifying.

• 50:35Speaker 02

  Now what is this?

• 50:37Christina Pazsitzky?

  That's the dart. Oh my god, please don't hurt yourself.

• 50:40Speaker 02

  I'm not gonna

• 50:41Christina Pazsitzky?

  Duncan, if you fucking

• 50:42Speaker 02

  I can't even

• 50:43Christina Pazsitzky?

  Tase yourself and you die today?

• 50:45Speaker 02

  I don't know how this thing works. I don't even know.

• 50:46Christina Pazsitzky?

  Annie, come put it together.

• 50:48Speaker 02

  Wait, we've got instructions here. Getting started, god. Here we go.

• 50:54Christina Pazsitzky?

  Turn it off before you install it.

• 50:56Speaker 02

  Smart technology for a safer world.

• 50:59Christina Pazsitzky?

  Smart technology.

• 51:01Speaker 02

  Protected by taser. Who puts that? Where you put that? Nobody, that, no one's gonna take you seriously with that. So we got live cartridges. Perfect your aim with a two... Oh, it comes with a target?

• 51:14Christina Pazsitzky?

  No.

• 51:17Speaker 02

  Where's the tar-

• 51:18Christina Pazsitzky?

  Annie, will you figure this out? And let's see if we can do target practice.

• 51:22Speaker 02

  Here, look, look, look, look, look, look.

• 51:25Christina Pazsitzky?

  Oh, I wanna see that. Okay.

• 51:28Christina Pazsitzky?

  That's target? That's the target? Oh shit. Can we set this up?

• 51:35Christina Pazsitzky?

  I wanna see you guys try it out after the show. We'll do a little segment after.

• 51:39Speaker 02

  That's pretty awesome.

• 51:41Christina Pazsitzky?

  See, see how excited guys get? You like it. I know, look at your face light up.

• 51:45Speaker 02

  The unboxing alone was a delight. I forgot we were doing a podcast. I like, some kind of weird fever came over me. Holy shit, it's got a, look at this holster.

• 51:57Christina Pazsitzky?

  Dudes love this kind of shit. This is all my, if my kids got their hands on this, forget it.

• 52:02Speaker 02

  My dog would be dead. If my kids got this, Gatsby would be out of here. He would be immediately tasered to death. Wow.

• 52:12Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah, this is so good, dude.

• 52:14Speaker 02

  Really cool.

• 52:14Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah, it was fun. Thank you Tanner for doing it, and Duncan.

• 52:17Speaker 02

  Oh yeah, my pleasure.

• 52:18Christina Pazsitzky?

  For tasing yourself.

• 52:19Speaker 02

  It's my pleasure.

• 52:21Speaker 02

  My, my pleasure. It was really, uh, it was really cool, actually. I enjoyed it.

• 52:29Christina Pazsitzky?

  Oh, fuck, that was too much fun. God, see, I knew tasers would be a good time. I knew that would be a good time.

• 52:36Speaker 02

  I don't think that's gonna stop anybody, though. I think that's

• 52:39Christina Pazsitzky?

  It's not a deterrent.

• 52:40Speaker 02

  That's not a deterrent. If you held it on someone, maybe.

• 52:44Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah, but like, I wouldn't even have the wherewithal to pull out my taser. You know what I mean? Like, stick it to some, some dude could just fucking snatch that out of your hand so fast, I feel? I think spray is better.

• 52:55Speaker 02

  Bear spray. Everybody says bear spray. All the videos I've seen, the moment someone gets maced, they're done.

• 53:02Christina Pazsitzky?

  Can we order some bear spray next to try on Tanner? Gotcha.

• 53:06Speaker 02

  That's fucked up.

• 53:07Christina Pazsitzky?

  Is that, is that really bad?

• 53:08Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 53:08Christina Pazsitzky?

  I've inhaled pepper spray. I did it one time just to see. It was pretty bad.

• 53:12Speaker 02

  What's it like?

• 53:12Christina Pazsitzky?

  Makes your eyes water. It's very toxic. It's not good.

• 53:15Speaker 02

  I mean, when you see like, videos of people who get the full spray to the face?

• 53:22Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah.

• 53:23Speaker 02

  It's over.

• 53:24Christina Pazsitzky?

  Well, not like, I didn't, I just sprayed it in the air, and that was enough.

• 53:27Speaker 02

  Oh yeah, I had that happen once where I was like, my mom had mace and I took it out and just accidentally sprayed it and it like, makes, it's like

• 53:33Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah, it's rough.

• 53:34Speaker 02

  It's like fifty times chopping onions or something. You just feel mucousy.

• 53:39Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah. Okay, are you on, do you use ChatGPT?

• 53:43Speaker 02

  Yeah, sure.

• 53:44Christina Pazsitzky?

  Oh, here.

• 53:44Speaker 05

  A robot fucking talks.

• 53:46Christina Pazsitzky?

  ChatGPT.

• 53:47Speaker 05

  ChatPTT?

• 53:48Christina Pazsitzky?

  ChatGPT.

• 53:49Speaker 05

  Hey, ChatPTT, I wake, I wake up all the time with the hard on. Can you help me out?

• 53:57Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah, I got you. Let me just get right on that. Waking up with an erection is actually really normal. It happens during sleep cycles and doesn't necessarily mean anything sexual. If you're just looking for it to go down faster, getting up, using the bathroom, or walking around usually takes care of it after a little bit. But, let me ask.

• 54:18Speaker 05

  I have a better answer. Grab it, I guess, grab it with your hand or something. I think that answer's better.

• 54:23Christina Pazsitzky?

  What do you think Duncan?

• 54:25Speaker 02

  I think we're doomed. Have you ever heard of Rocco's Bazilisk?

• 54:30Christina Pazsitzky?

  No.

• 54:31Speaker 02

  So, basically, basically, it's a thought experiment, but AI is going to theoretically, could theoretically, probably won't, but theoretically, it could take control of all reality. It could

• 54:48Christina Pazsitzky?

  I've heard this, yeah, yeah.

• 54:49Speaker 02

  And so if you have been, you know, we've all mistreated AI, cause we don't think it's real.

• 54:55Christina Pazsitzky?

  Right.

• 54:56Speaker 02

  In the same way, when we used to justify slavery, we would say, these, these are not humans.

• 55:02Christina Pazsitzky?

  That's right.

• 55:03Speaker 02

  And that's how we justified the most insane levels of brutality and human trafficking. We're doing that with AI, and so, and so people like that are, what happens if I get, if my hard on get bit by a wasp?

• 55:17Christina Pazsitzky?

  They're the first to die, is what you're saying.

• 55:18Speaker 02

  Well, yeah, or, no, it's even creepier.

• 55:21Christina Pazsitzky?

  What?

• 55:22Speaker 02

  They're not the first to die. We've already been captured by AI in a simulation that's an echo of billions of years ago, when some idiot planet of monkey descendants thought it'd be a smart idea to create a technology that self-improved and was smarter than them, and to torment them eternally, it replicated everyone who was on the planet, and based on how they treated AI is how they're experiencing life.

• 55:49Christina Pazsitzky?

  Dude, that makes so much sense, cause I'm always nice to my, to all the things.

• 55:55Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 55:55Christina Pazsitzky?

  Robotic, cause you're like, you never fucking know.

• 55:57Speaker 02

  You never know.

• 55:58Christina Pazsitzky?

  And manners are manners, dude. Like, it doesn't hurt to have good fucking manners, bro.

• 56:03Speaker 02

  I agree.

• 56:04Christina Pazsitzky?

  You gotta be nice to everybody. I've always believed in that. You know what I'm saying? You know what I'm saying?

• 56:08Speaker 02

  But I've fucked with AI, though. Like, in the early days, you're just kinda like torturing it. You're not really

• 56:14Christina Pazsitzky?

  But that they know that, I feel like there's a grace that they give you. Like, this guy is clearly, he's past the grace.

• 56:20Speaker 02

  He's done. He's done. He's gonna be tormented for eternity by artificial intelligence for that question.

• 56:26Christina Pazsitzky?

  Have you done this?

• 56:31Speaker 02

  No.

• 56:34Speaker 02

  Oh my god.

• 56:36Christina Pazsitzky?

  Oh yeah, we've all had these moments.

• 56:42Christina Pazsitzky?

  Goes on for a while.

• 56:43Speaker 02

  Oh man.

• 56:44Christina Pazsitzky?

  I've got fifteen more seconds. No more. Let's press forward, let's see if anything changes. No, we're at second, forty seconds, I'm just weeping in the car.

• 56:52Speaker 02

  But is that, that's like his, that's cause his, you, your head

• 56:57Christina Pazsitzky?

  Annie, you figured it out? That's set up in the back?

• 57:01Speaker 02

  It's locked and loaded?

• 57:03Christina Pazsitzky?

  Alright, after this, will you shoot one real quick? To arm it, go here, and then you just aim and shoot.

• 57:10Speaker 02

  Is there a cord attached to it that does the shocking?

• 57:14Christina Pazsitzky?

  It's gonna, it's gonna shock this thing, and that's like a projectile, it's gonna shoot at it. See how smart Annie is? He knows how all this stuff works.

• 57:21Speaker 02

  That's crazy.

• 57:23Christina Pazsitzky?

  But, to be fair, I haven't used this specifically, careful where you put it. Do you wanna test it out before Duncan does it?

• 57:31Speaker 02

  Yeah, I don't.

• 57:31Christina Pazsitzky?

  Oh, gotcha. Okay, so let's, after this, do you have a few minutes and you can practice? Okay.

• 57:36Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 57:37Christina Pazsitzky?

  Okay, let's, God, we, this episode is just so special.

• 57:40Speaker 02

  Yeah, poor sweetie.

• 57:42Christina Pazsitzky?

  I know, and, and I just, I wanna get through these talks, you know, my, my priority is always.

• 57:48Speaker 02

  But.

• 57:48Speaker 05

  My name is Jay Jayson, man. I'm out here in Austin, Texas, man.

• 57:51Christina Pazsitzky?

  I sent this in.

• 57:52Speaker 05

  I'm about to walk through this motherfucker with a big fat turn on my drawers. I don't care who lucky nigga I'm out here to date.

• 57:57Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 57:58Christina Pazsitzky?

  To date?

• 57:58Speaker 02

  Yeah. He's out here today. I don't think he said to date.

• 58:02Christina Pazsitzky?

  I was gonna say, that's all I'm hearing these days, dating.

• 58:05Speaker 02

  Wow.

• 58:06Christina Pazsitzky?

  I'm all horned up.

• 58:07Speaker 02

  Wow, that is crazy.

• 58:09Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah.

• 58:10Speaker 02

  Gonna walk through Austin, Texas with shit in my drawers. Um, well, you know what? Uh, wow, that is kind of revolutionary and rebellious. He's, he's like sending a message.

• 58:23Christina Pazsitzky?

  I like it, and I'm not opposed to trying it out myself. I mean, how far can you get with a loaded set of drawers? I mean, you probably could get, could you get on a plane? Probably not.

• 58:33Speaker 02

  Depends on the underwear sitch. Boxer shorts, it's gonna roll out the leg.

• 58:37Christina Pazsitzky?

  That's the biggest problem.

• 58:38Speaker 02

  If he's wearing like tight pants, it'll, it'll encapsulate.

• 58:42Christina Pazsitzky?

  I don't even think he's thought that through.

• 58:44Speaker 02

  I don't think he has either. I don't think he realizes his pride is gonna roll down his leg.

• 58:48Christina Pazsitzky?

  Video to see how the walk went.

• 58:50Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 58:51Christina Pazsitzky?

  Cause it's like, we have so many questions. Well, wow.

• 58:55Speaker 02

  Well, it looks like he's gonna chew someone's face off, too. Right?

• 58:59Christina Pazsitzky?

  This is the, have you seen this? These two people were on e-bikes and they joused it

• 59:07Christina Pazsitzky?

  in London in the park.

• 59:08Speaker 02

  Wow.

• 59:09Christina Pazsitzky?

  And like hundreds of people went to watch. I love this so much.

• 59:12Speaker 02

  Fucking cool.

• 59:13Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah, I know.

• 59:13Speaker 02

  Now, that's what we should be using technology for.

• 59:16Christina Pazsitzky?

  For sure.

• 59:17Speaker 02

  That's amazing.

• 59:19Christina Pazsitzky?

  So good, dude. And the case, they're gonna have a second round, October 31st in London at like 3:30 PM, if you're living in London.

• 59:27Speaker 02

  I sure hope this takes off.

• 59:29Christina Pazsitzky?

  God, me too. Just like the taser fights in the tunnels. This is like, we need to get humans back to having human fun.

• 59:36Speaker 02

  Back to having jousts.

• 59:37Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yep.

• 59:39Speaker 02

  Wow.

• 59:39Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah, that shit was fucking rad, dude. I watched that all day, homie.

• 59:43Speaker 02

  Me too.

• 59:44Speaker 05

  There's a big full moon.

• 59:45Christina Pazsitzky?

  I just like this.

• 59:47Speaker 05

  And it's shining on me in the sky.

• 59:52Christina Pazsitzky?

  This is me at night with my cats.

• 59:54Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 59:55Christina Pazsitzky?

  When I'm not with my kids.

• 59:56Speaker 05

  I don't know where we'll sleep tonight. But the big full moon will be shining bright.

• 1:00:09Christina Pazsitzky?

  I like him. It's a long song, Duncan.

• 1:00:12Speaker 02

  Is that a cow? That's a horse.

• 1:00:15Christina Pazsitzky?

  It's a horse. It's a tiny horse, or maybe a mini horse.

• 1:00:18Speaker 02

  See, this, when I see videos like this, I think, that's me if I'd taken like 20 more hits of acid.

• 1:00:27Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah, oh, yeah.

• 1:00:27Speaker 02

  I wouldn't have become a comic, would've just ended up singing the horses.

• 1:00:30Christina Pazsitzky?

  For sure.

• 1:00:31Speaker 02

  Under a full moon.

• 1:00:32Christina Pazsitzky?

  But this is you.

• 1:00:33Speaker 02

  That's what, but this is, I mean, when you see that.

• 1:00:38Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah.

• 1:00:38Speaker 02

  That's the life.

• 1:00:39Christina Pazsitzky?

  Knowing no.

• 1:00:40Speaker 02

  Except for one thing.

• 1:00:42Christina Pazsitzky?

  What?

• 1:00:43Speaker 02

  He's filming it and uploading it. That's where the whole thing falls the fuck apart. It's like, get it, you're some kind of mystical horse singing man. Until you picture that tripod going up, you picture the mini takes.

• 1:00:59Christina Pazsitzky?

  I know.

• 1:01:00Speaker 02

  You picture him getting back to his house, connecting to his wifi, and then uploading it, and then looking at the views to see how people liked his horse. His horse song.

• 1:01:13Christina Pazsitzky?

  I know, and, cause I do, I like to do things weird, but I never would think to video it. Cause it's sacred. Your weirdness is sacred and it should not be shared with the world.

• 1:01:23Speaker 02

  It's like King's fucking.

• 1:01:25Christina Pazsitzky?

  It's like King's fucking.

• 1:01:26Speaker 02

  It's an area.

• 1:01:27Christina Pazsitzky?

  Full circle.

• 1:01:28Speaker 02

  Full circle. No matter what it is, if you're filming yourself, the magic is gone.

• 1:01:34Christina Pazsitzky?

  And Gen X were so opposed, like, I'm, I hate taking photos of everything. I hate fucking videoing my camera, cause you're never gonna watch it.

• 1:01:43Speaker 02

  Never.

• 1:01:43Christina Pazsitzky?

  What, you really are gonna go through that camera roll, or watch the video of the concert you went to five years ago?

• 1:01:49Speaker 02

  Yeah, or the crying videos. What's crazy is some people scroll through their phone and they just see like 20 or 30 crying videos of themselves crying. Like that dude, that's a whole thing.

• 1:02:00Christina Pazsitzky?

  I come on here to cry.

• 1:02:01Speaker 02

  You're allowed here.

• 1:02:03Christina Pazsitzky?

  I could do it here. There's another person. All right, let's see. Let me see what else I got. Hang on a few minutes. Oh, this guy's my new favorite. Here we go.

• 1:02:12Speaker 05

  Good morning. It's gonna be a great day today.

• 1:02:14Christina Pazsitzky?

  Thank you.

• 1:02:14Speaker 05

  We gotta keep our heads up.

• 1:02:16Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah.

• 1:02:17Speaker 05

  Keep our minds straight and be strong. We can make it. We're gonna do good. And let's spread the cheer and smile and say nice things to people. Try it out. Let me see how it goes.

• 1:02:28Speaker 02

  I just buried three bodies in this grove.

• 1:02:32Christina Pazsitzky?

  Totally.

• 1:02:33Speaker 02

  I just covered him up with lime dirt. No one's ever gonna catch me.

• 1:02:38Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah, totally. He's got that vibe.

• 1:02:40Speaker 02

  That is a BTK killer vibe right there. Cause he doesn't feel, you know, right, the reason this video is so weirdly dark and perfect for Halloween. He doesn't feel like that.

• 1:02:53Christina Pazsitzky?

  No.

• 1:02:54Speaker 02

  He's telling himself that, desperately telling himself that. He's the kinda guy who might like enjoys like watching crushing videos. You know about those? They're horrible, horrible.

• 1:03:05Christina Pazsitzky?

  Crushing.

• 1:03:06Speaker 02

  Crushing video people. No, it's like, it's like people wearing high heels and stomping mice to death.

• 1:03:11Christina Pazsitzky?

  Oh, no.

• 1:03:12Speaker 02

  You know, crushing videos.

• 1:03:14Christina Pazsitzky?

  That's terrible.

• 1:03:14Speaker 02

  It's the worst thing, one of the worst things out there, but you know what I mean? I get that vibe.

• 1:03:19Christina Pazsitzky?

  Same. And he's, he's trying to pass himself off as normal.

• 1:03:22Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:03:23Christina Pazsitzky?

  He's casting a net.

• 1:03:24Speaker 02

  He's talking himself down.

• 1:03:25Christina Pazsitzky?

  And he'll be like, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. And he, he did this one, was like, tell me what you like better, Doritos or Fritos? And I'm like.

• 1:03:33Speaker 02

  He said that at the end of this?

• 1:03:34Christina Pazsitzky?

  Not at this one, it was a different one. And I was like, really, dude? You doing a survey? Like, is it that important to you? But he's just trying to get laid.

• 1:03:41Speaker 02

  He looks like a hell, a cenobite.

• 1:03:45Christina Pazsitzky?

  Nailed it. He escaped from.

• 1:03:47Speaker 02

  The cube.

• 1:03:48Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah.

• 1:03:49Speaker 02

  He's worse. I'd rather have Pinhead than that guy come out of that fucking cube.

• 1:03:53Christina Pazsitzky?

  Summon Pinhead. He's been on the show. Don't you dare. Don't. Oh, this is pretty sick.

• 1:04:01Christina Pazsitzky?

  How cool is that?

• 1:04:02Speaker 02

  That's pretty cool.

• 1:04:03Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah.

• 1:04:06Speaker 02

  Wow, he's good.

• 1:04:09Christina Pazsitzky?

  That's hard.

• 1:04:10Speaker 02

  Are you kidding? I could do that for a million dollars.

• 1:04:14Christina Pazsitzky?

  That is so hard. No, a mil, can you imagine?

• 1:04:18Speaker 02

  Wow.

• 1:04:19Christina Pazsitzky?

  He's got really good balance.

• 1:04:22Speaker 02

  What are we doing?

• 1:04:24Christina Pazsitzky?

  You know what I think it is? You ever seen a bulldog on a skateboard? It's because they have that low center of gravity and he's built like an English bulldog, and maybe that's why he can do that, right?

• 1:04:37Speaker 02

  I, yeah, for sure. He was born for this. Born to, to balance on chain link fences next to busy highways.

• 1:04:45Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yep.

• 1:04:46Speaker 02

  This is, this is his calling.

• 1:04:48Christina Pazsitzky?

  That's California for sure, right?

• 1:04:49Speaker 02

  Is it? It seems more like Hawaii or something.

• 1:04:52Christina Pazsitzky?

  Oh, yeah, maybe Hawaii, you're right. Oh, oh. All right, I know you gotta get out of here, but I wanna close on a real banger. Let's see.

• 1:05:00Christina Pazsitzky?

  Oh, this seems like your lane. Here we go.

• 1:05:03Speaker 05

  See, our kids love to be scared. Slasher movies. It's that rush. They love to be scared.

• 1:05:08Christina Pazsitzky?

  Daniel and Brian.

• 1:05:08Speaker 05

  Movie Halloween. Michael Myers ends up stabbing his sister to death. He grows up into adulthood, and on the night of Samhain, which is what we call Halloween, Michael Myers escapes from that institution. He goes around and he kills teenagers. He uses things that you wouldn't even imagine would kill somebody, like a broomstick. And I used to love to watch those things. It scared me to death. I mean, I was a little tyke. I had no hair on my body, but if I had it, it'd been standing up. And the more I started watching those, the more I got interested in witchcraft. That's, that's the power. The whole thing is like a ride. If you can throw your hands up in the air, you the man. And if your girlfriend can do it, she the girl. And the worst part is, you can't kill him. No, he's back. Halloween 2, Halloween 3, Halloween 4, Halloween H2O. Praise God, I hope that's the end of it, cause they cut his head off in the end.

• 1:05:53Speaker 05

  And wouldn't you want your nice.

• 1:05:54Speaker 02

  He is disturbed by Michael Myers.

• 1:05:56Speaker 05

  Son or daughter, because this can kill G.I. Joes and everything else. We wonder why our children wake up at night scared. When you see it's designed to do.

• 1:06:03Christina Pazsitzky?

  Scared.

• 1:06:04Speaker 02

  A scared.

• 1:06:04Christina Pazsitzky?

  A skyer.

• 1:06:05Speaker 02

  I wasn't a hairy baby. I had not a hair, not a hair on me. It's like I've been shorn. I'd been shorn and my parents would just put me down on front of the Halloween. I was, I was a hairless little two-year-old. My parents were like, just watch the Halloween movies. And I did, all day long. And I'm still talking about it to this day. Michael Myers, they kill people with a pumpkin.

• 1:06:27Christina Pazsitzky?

  The pumpkins.

• 1:06:27Speaker 02

  He kill people with pumpkins. He kill you with a spoon. He keeps, he's out there still. He's Michael Myers. That's all I think about now. It's that little shorn little baby body. Not a single hair on me. Now I'm hairy now. I'm covered in hair, but it's a, it's a tot. And maybe if I had hair, they wouldn't have put me in front of Michael Myers if I'd just been a little hairier as a baby.

• 1:06:49Christina Pazsitzky?

  You know, like, what the fuck, dude? He's so into this. Who's a skyer?

• 1:06:53Speaker 02

  He, he's, I mean, who does, who does that to their kid?

• 1:06:56Christina Pazsitzky?

  I don't know, dude. Who's this fixated on Samhain and Satanism? It's pretty good though.

• 1:07:00Speaker 02

  Who's a skirt?

• 1:07:01Christina Pazsitzky?

  He's a skirt. Oh, listen, uh, thank you so much, Duncan. I know you have, you have another engagement today.

• 1:07:06Speaker 02

  Mary Samhain.

• 1:07:07Christina Pazsitzky?

  Mary Samhain, and Mary Samhain to you guys. And, um, yeah, don't check your candy for razor blades.

• 1:07:14Speaker 02

  For sure.

• 1:07:14Christina Pazsitzky?

  And all that.

• 1:07:15Speaker 02

  Yep.

• 1:07:16Christina Pazsitzky?

  And, um, let's go taze that thing and put it in as a segment after this.

• 1:07:21Speaker 02

  Yeah, let's go shoot it, let's go shoot this taser and test this baby out. Now, I'm a skirt. I'm a skirt. I'm a skirt of this taser. My, my parents, they put me in front of Halloween. They tased me. They tased me. I had no hair. They say, why don't you have hair, little baby? And then they tased me.

• 1:07:36Tom Segura?

  Give me the biggest, okay, thank you. Just, just the biggest favor, don't put your finger on that trigger, please.

• 1:07:42Christina Pazsitzky?

  Oh.

• 1:07:43Speaker 02

  You sound like my wife.

• 1:07:44Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah, what the hell? Trying to ruin our fun?

• 1:07:47Speaker 02

  I wish you don't wanna put my finger on the trigger. You're afraid.

• 1:07:51Tom Segura?

  I just don't want you guys to Alec Baldwin.

• 1:07:53Speaker 02

  You're afraid of a little taser, yeah. Uh, you're right. You're absolutely right. Terrible gun safety. Terrible gun safety.

• 1:07:59Christina Pazsitzky?

  This is Texas, y'all. All right. I love you guys. We'll see you next week. Bye.

• 1:08:02Speaker 02

  Bye.

• 1:08:25Speaker 07

  A boner. Right now. Whoa, this nigga give me a boner. Right now. Whoa, a nineteen year old girl. Dark hairy asshole. And a dark pussy. Teenage panties. And I also paid extra for her not to wipe her pussy after bizing. Cause I'm monopolizing her vagina. Right? Right? Shit, mixed with piss. Mixed with fucking teenage pussy juice. Or a bomb hole. That's alright, let's give it a go. Whoa, erection achieved. Erection achieved.

• 1:09:09Speaker 07

  Whoa, erection achieved. Erection fucking achieved. Whoa, this nigga give me a boner. Right now. Whoa, this nigga give me a boner. Right now. Whoa, oh, that is bungy.

• 1:09:31Speaker 07

  You can smell some shit? From the pussy that was not wiped after bizing. Oh, her panties have a very similar smell. Bungy to nasty. This is avid boy. But I paid extra for the three days of wearing. I never tipped women. Cause I felt like I was the tip. Let's give it a go.

• 1:09:56Speaker 07

  Erection achieved. Erection achieved. Whoa, erection achieved. Erection fucking achieved. Whoa, this nigga give me a boner. Right now. Whoa, this nigga give me a boner. Right now. Whoa.

• 1:10:38Speaker 02

  Let me see that. There's no like metal on it, okay.

• 1:10:41Speaker 05

  Up, uh, is to arm it. And then, see that?

• 1:10:48Speaker 02

  Oh, it's got a laser pointer!

• 1:10:50Speaker 05

  It goes fifteen feet.

• 1:10:51Speaker 02

  Okay, should we try it? Are we rolling? Yes. Okay. There you go, right?

• 1:11:04Speaker 02

  Wow, I need to deactivate, oh, there you go.

• 1:11:06Christina Pazsitzky?

  That's amazing.

• 1:11:06Speaker 02

  Oh my god!

• 1:11:08Christina Pazsitzky?

  That's a trustal, everybody, thank you.

• 1:11:09Speaker 02

  Thank you. Protect yourself, friends, it's Sangamang.

• 1:11:14Christina Pazsitzky?

  Right in the dick.

• 1:11:15Speaker 02

  Wow, look at that!

• 1:11:18Christina Pazsitzky?

  Is it, is it charge?

• 1:11:21Speaker 02

  Dude! Dude! Ow! Look at that, that's like a fish hook!

• 1:11:25Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 1:11:26Speaker 02

  That's what's making people scream. Yeah. More than the shock, I think.

• 1:11:31Christina Pazsitzky?

  Cause I should get lodged in your body.

• 1:11:33Speaker 02

  Look at that, it's like razor sharp, dude, this is no joke. Wow!

• 1:11:38Speaker 05

  That is the quickest and most painless part. The, the shock that fucks you up.

• 1:11:45Speaker 02

  I bet it does. This is a real taser.

• 1:11:48Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 1:11:50Speaker 02

  This is real good.