"Maria Shriver"

It’s the first day of your friendship… with Maria Shriver. Topics include: airline food, emotional sobriety, throwing and going, how to stay engaged and not be mean, and Sean offers to explain what a podcast is. Bring-your-own-hamburger, we’ll do a din. It’s an all-new SmartLess.

Speaker names marked ? are inferred from speaking time and the show’s known hosts — they are not voice-verified.

• 0:00Sean Hayes?

  This episode of Smartless is sponsored by Google Book. So this may not surprise you, I have a lot of thoughts in my head. And my dream is to just blurt them out and somehow get them down on paper, because my brain works way faster than my hands. That's where Google Book comes in. It's a whole new kind of laptop. No more typing, you just talk, and the Rambler feature cleans up your ums and uhs and all the times you change your mind. Basically, it turns messy thoughts into tidy text. Visit googlebook.com for details. Available in select countries and languages to 18-plus users. Check the responses for accuracy.

• 0:43Jason Bateman?

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• 1:23Sean Hayes?

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• 1:59Sean Hayes?

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• 2:51Sean Hayes?

  One, two, three, go. Talking on a podcast, talking on a podcast, talking on a podcast. Yeah. Welcome to Smart, let's welcome to Smart. Let's start.

• 3:16Will Arnett?

  Did you guys, um, did you guys see each other last night? Did you have a fun day?

• 3:19Jason Bateman?

  Yeah, we did. We had a little Grammy watch party.

• 3:22Sean Hayes?

  Yes.

• 3:22Will Arnett?

  Oh, you did? You did a full, I almost called in. I almost did a call in because I miss everybody.

• 3:27Sean Hayes?

  I know, we miss you too. Well, we, you, you know, you're, when are you back? You're not back for what, two more months?

• 3:32Will Arnett?

  No, I'm coming back tomorrow for a few days, but I'm going to miss this weekend. I know this weekend is a thing up at the place for, for a friend and, and I can't.

• 3:42Sean Hayes?

  Yeah, I'm not there either.

• 3:42Will Arnett?

  I can't go because.

• 3:43Sean Hayes?

  I'm really bummed.

• 3:44Will Arnett?

  You're going to go, right?

• 3:46Sean Hayes?

  No, I'm not. I can't, I go to London tomorrow.

• 3:48Will Arnett?

  Oh, you're going to London tomorrow? You start tomorrow?

• 3:50Sean Hayes?

  No, no, that, the.

• 3:52Will Arnett?

  No, but I mean, you, you start your journey, your process.

• 3:54Sean Hayes?

  Yes.

• 3:55Jason Bateman?

  Do you have a complicated character you're playing in this next job, Shawnee?

• 3:58Sean Hayes?

  Not at all.

• 3:59Jason Bateman?

  No? So no homework, no process, no?

• 4:02Sean Hayes?

  I mean, yeah, because I'm a nerd, I do all that stuff still, but it's a.

• 4:06Jason Bateman?

  Wait, wait, give us a slight little window into that.

• 4:09Sean Hayes?

  Well, it's a same.

• 4:10Jason Bateman?

  Look.

• 4:10Will Arnett?

  Can we say hi to your character?

• 4:12Sean Hayes?

  Yeah.

• 4:16Will Arnett?

  Couldn't he make a visit with us?

• 4:18Sean Hayes?

  Sure. Let me say, go ahead. Do you have a question for him?

• 4:21Jason Bateman?

  Hey, good morning. Uh, how are you?

• 4:23Sean Hayes?

  Good morning.

• 4:24Jason Bateman?

  Oh, so he's a

• 4:26Sean Hayes?

  That's him.

• 4:27Jason Bateman?

  Radio personality?

• 4:28Sean Hayes?

  No, he's a game show host.

• 4:30Jason Bateman?

  Oh, really?

• 4:31Will Arnett?

  Oh, okay. And what's his, what's his name?

• 4:33Sean Hayes?

  His, I don't know his name. It's just a game show host.

• 4:36Will Arnett?

  Oh, his name's just host. Okay. So host, uh, how are, uh, how are we doing today?

• 4:42Sean Hayes?

  I'm not doing this. It's so icky and feel, I was just about to throw up.

• 4:45Jason Bateman?

  He gets shy, Will. He gets shy.

• 4:48Sean Hayes?

  Could you imagine?

• 4:49Will Arnett?

  Wait, let me, uh, quickly, um, and this is, uh, universal. You're going overseas, you're flying, you're taking a night flight. Are you gonna eat the meal on the plane? Will you eat on the plane? JB, will you eat the airline?

• 5:01Sean Hayes?

  I gotta stay alive, yeah.

• 5:02Jason Bateman?

  I do like the airline food.

• 5:03Will Arnett?

  You do?

• 5:03Sean Hayes?

  It's gotten better over the last 50 years.

• 5:05Jason Bateman?

  Yeah.

• 5:06Will Arnett?

  I had heard a rumor that they stock it full of stuff to, to stop you from pooing.

• 5:11Sean Hayes?

  What, to stop you up, you mean?

• 5:13Will Arnett?

  Yeah.

• 5:14Jason Bateman?

  There's, there's a binding element to all plane food?

• 5:17Will Arnett?

  Sure, a binding element, because they don't want, they don't want

• 5:20Sean Hayes?

  People taking trips.

• 5:21Will Arnett?

  People like Sean and Scotty, you know, just gorging themselves and then all of a sudden, like, you know,

• 5:26Sean Hayes?

  And French tips.

• 5:27Will Arnett?

  Yeah.

• 5:29Jason Bateman?

  Will, what, Will, what newsletters are you into lately? I mean, are you like, uh, where are you getting all the?

• 5:35Will Arnett?

  You know, well, you know, I still subscribe to all my German poop mags, so.

• 5:41Jason Bateman?

  Remember those Air Ma, Air Mall, uh, magazines that used to be in?

• 5:45Will Arnett?

  Oh, I love them.

• 5:46Jason Bateman?

  Yes, they're so popular.

• 5:47Will Arnett?

  Yeah, and then you get like the Hammacher Schlemmer section on it and stuff. You're like, of course I need a, a fucking ping pong table that folds up into a cart table.

• 5:57Jason Bateman?

  Uh, did you ever buy anything from one of those?

• 6:00Will Arnett?

  I think, like a dog door?

• 6:03Jason Bateman?

  Do they, do they still have barf bags in the back of the, the seats?

• 6:07Will Arnett?

  They do.

• 6:07Jason Bateman?

  I haven't, I haven't looked for a while.

• 6:08Will Arnett?

  They do because I chew a lot of gum.

• 6:10Sean Hayes?

  But, but isn't that interesting? Like, a lot of, a lot of people don't throw up like they did in the 70s. Now, nobody throws up in a plane.

• 6:16Will Arnett?

  Oh, you think that people throw up less?

• 6:18Sean Hayes?

  Yeah, on a plane, like, when have you heard, seen somebody throw up on a plane?

• 6:22Jason Bateman?

  Right, it used to be in every, every flight.

• 6:23Will Arnett?

  Have you ever thrown up on a plane?

• 6:24Jason Bateman?

  Oh, sure, I have. I had too much, too much kiwi once.

• 6:28Will Arnett?

  Yeah, I threw up, I threw up, I got on a plane, I was super hungover, I was about eighteen.

• 6:34Jason Bateman?

  Okay.

• 6:34Will Arnett?

  And, I'm not kidding.

• 6:35Sean Hayes?

  Well, you threw, you threw up from hungover, not the plane.

• 6:38Will Arnett?

  Yeah, not the plane, but, but I remember vividly, we, we go, we're taxiing out, leaving Toronto, and, and just, as we start to, as we start to increase speed, I go, I'm gonna need my bag.

• 6:51Jason Bateman?

  Somebody had sealed it with a piece of gum?

• 6:52Will Arnett?

  Can I just say, it is gross, I filled it. I filled the bag, I had to get another, I had to hold it as we took off, and I go, I'm gonna fill it up.

• 7:06Will Arnett?

  It was a-

• 7:06Jason Bateman?

  What a dream.

• 7:07Will Arnett?

  Actually, it should be, it should be noted, I threw up in the airport terminal before I got on the plane. This, I was walking in the old Toronto terminal number one, so it shows you how long it was, it's gone, long gone. And I remember walking to the gate, I guess, from having checked in, and being like, oh boy, I gotta go. And I ran, and there was this, I opened a door, I thought there was a bathroom, there was no bathroom, but there was this, a door, and I opened it, and it's just the stairs, like, the raw stairs going between the doors.

• 7:34Jason Bateman?

  Oh, that'll do.

• 7:34Will Arnett?

  And there were people coming, and I literally go, whoa! And they moved, and I threw up down the stairs.

• 7:42Jason Bateman?

  Just a big cascade?

• 7:44Will Arnett?

  Projectile.

• 7:46Sean Hayes?

  That, that is something.

• 7:49Will Arnett?

  Isn't that unreal? It was so gross.

• 7:52Jason Bateman?

  God, that's funny. Have either of you guys thrown up in, in, in a while?

• 7:56Sean Hayes?

  No, not in a long time.

• 7:57Will Arnett?

  Uh, about ten years ago, I was doing reshoots on, on Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, and I was like, I woke up one morning, and I started throwing and going, it was, it was a two-part affair. Uh, everything was happening at once, and then we were like, we were on reshoots, and we had to go, and I went, and I, everybody, like, most other people on set had gotten, this bug was going through. And at one point, I was, I was working, uh, shooting a scene with somebody, and they go, the director goes, okay, Will, okay, he's like, okay, just come out here, and then you just gotta run across the parking lot, and I go, dude, I'm not running anywhere, cause if I, if I run one foot-

• 8:37Sean Hayes?

  One foot, it's all, it's all over.

• 8:38Will Arnett?

  It's all coming out.

• 8:39Jason Bateman?

  Something's gonna open.

• 8:40Sean Hayes?

  What was the movie?

• 8:42Will Arnett?

  Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles.

• 8:44Sean Hayes?

  Wonderful, which is a great segue to our guest. I really enjoyed that fear.

• 8:50Will Arnett?

  That's a callback.

• 8:52Jason Bateman?

  I love it.

• 8:54Sean Hayes?

  My guest today has been a close friend of mine for decades. She's...

• 9:01Sean Hayes?

  She's... Get to the good part.

• 9:09Jason Bateman?

  He's so far from the stage.

• 9:18Sean Hayes?

  Guys. Who is the guest?

• 9:23Sean Hayes?

  Before I go.

• 9:24Will Arnett?

  Fuck. Fuck me.

• 9:25Sean Hayes?

  God, I'm crying.

• 9:27Jason Bateman?

  Me too.

• 9:29Sean Hayes?

  Now, listen, we got it. Come on, guys. You know what I think? I truly believe when you laugh that deep, you're killing cancer. I truly believe that.

• 9:37Will Arnett?

  I think you're right. I think you're right.

• 9:39Sean Hayes?

  All right, well, we got to explain to her what the joke is, so she's in on it. All right, so she's a very good friend of mine. She's a Peabody and Emmy Award-winning journalist and producer, as well as devoted mother, grandmother, and friend to so many. She's the person I go to for advice about literally anything. She's the author of seven New York Times bestselling books. Seven. Been trying to get her to read them to me. Born in Chicago, just like me, but the former First Lady of California, which is only slightly like me. It's the luminescent and brilliant and wonderful friend.

• 10:07Will Arnett?

  Oh, Maria Shriver.

• 10:07Sean Hayes?

  Shriver.

• 10:08Jason Bateman?

  Maria Shriver.

• 10:09Sean Hayes?

  I got it before you said it.

• 10:10Speaker 03

  Okay.

• 10:11Sean Hayes?

  Good morning. You had to sit through all of that.

• 10:14Speaker 03

  I can't believe that. I can't be... I'm going, I'm throwing, the blowing. I just am like, oh, I feel so at home. I have four brothers.

• 10:24Jason Bateman?

  Why did you say yes to this?

• 10:25Will Arnett?

  A lot is happening. A lot is happening today.

• 10:28Sean Hayes?

  You grew up like that.

• 10:30Speaker 03

  I grew up like that. I still live like that. So I have four brothers, so this was not a shock to me at all. I actually really enjoyed it.

• 10:37Jason Bateman?

  They're also dingbats, just like us, huh?

• 10:39Will Arnett?

  Forgive us. Forgive us.

• 10:40Speaker 03

  The barf bag. I've sat next to people like that, so...

• 10:43Sean Hayes?

  Maria, I have been so jealous of your friendship with Shawnee for so long. I hear you're just the greatest ever. This is the... First day of our friendship. I'm very excited.

• 10:54Speaker 03

  The first day of our friendship. I know I've been asking Sean to invite me on this show since the very beginning. And he wouldn't invite me.

• 11:02Sean Hayes?

  No, no way.

• 11:03Speaker 03

  He wouldn't invite me. He would never invite me. He, I don't know why. Speak Sean, speak.

• 11:08Sean Hayes?

  Wait a minute. No, I.

• 11:10Speaker 03

  He said, we have to start with all the famous people.

• 11:12Will Arnett?

  Sean, you said to me.

• 11:14Sean Hayes?

  Will's blocking it. I think that's what he said.

• 11:16Will Arnett?

  You said, a friend of mine keeps texting me and asking me, and I keep telling her, what was, was it Maria? And now we're getting close to it.

• 11:24Sean Hayes?

  No, Maria Shriver.

• 11:26Speaker 03

  Oh, Sean.

• 11:27Sean Hayes?

  No, I said to you.

• 11:28Speaker 03

  You kept saying that about me?

• 11:29Sean Hayes?

  No.

• 11:29Speaker 03

  Oh, my God. I hurt your feelings.

• 11:32Sean Hayes?

  I said, you want to come on? You said, what am I going to talk about? What would I ever talk about? This was five years ago when we started, and now you're like, can I come on the show? I'm like, of course you can.

• 11:41Speaker 03

  Because people will say to me, why Sean never had you on the show? It's so weird. I go, I know. It's so weird.

• 11:46Sean Hayes?

  I don't know.

• 11:47Jason Bateman?

  We can talk to you about anything, though, is what I love about you. You can tackle any issue.

• 11:53Sean Hayes?

  Yes, that's why I can't. I can't wait to talk about 10,000 things.

• 11:55Speaker 03

  But you said to me, what I'm so excited about is the only show I've ever gone on where I haven't prepared at all. Because you told me not to prepare at all. So I didn't brush my hair. I had no makeup. Anything. Nothing.

• 12:07Sean Hayes?

  We're not filming this. It's just audio. It's a podcast. You know what a podcast is.

• 12:10Speaker 03

  But I didn't prepare.

• 12:11Will Arnett?

  Please, please don't explain to her what a podcast is.

• 12:14Speaker 03

  Thank you, Will. Thank you. I mean, my God. Really? Oh, my God. It's insulting. Insulting. I don't think I can sit here with three men. I don't know what's that about.

• 12:27Sean Hayes?

  We're going to talk about that, too. All right, so.

• 12:29Speaker 03

  Three men?

• 12:30Sean Hayes?

  Yes. You are, okay, first of all, you're one of the most special people in my life. I love you very much.

• 12:37Speaker 03

  I love you too.

• 12:38Sean Hayes?

  I've known you for a very long time.

• 12:38Jason Bateman?

  How'd you guys meet, by the way? How did this start?

• 12:41Sean Hayes?

  It started in 2001-ish, around there. And I used to date somebody that knew Maria, and that's how we introduced.

• 12:49Will Arnett?

  Oh, all right. God, okay.

• 12:51Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 12:52Sean Hayes?

  So my first question, go ahead.

• 12:54Will Arnett?

  No, you go ahead with your first question. Line it up.

• 12:56Sean Hayes?

  I was just going to say, because you've been, because you've been that to me and so many things to me, and you're always the person I go to for advice and blah, blah. Who is that for you?

• 13:07Speaker 03

  Good question. I often go to my kids, actually. I have deep conversations with my kids.

• 13:12Will Arnett?

  Yeah.

• 13:13Speaker 03

  Depends what I'm looking for advice for. I have four brothers.

• 13:17Will Arnett?

  Right.

• 13:17Speaker 03

  So I usually go to them. I would say I go to my four brothers.

• 13:21Will Arnett?

  Oh, really?

• 13:21Speaker 03

  Depending on the subject matter. But, so each brother's a little different. They have a different level of expertise in different areas. But I often go to, probably my brothers, my kids. Sometimes my son-in-law, now. I go to him.

• 13:37Will Arnett?

  We love your son-in-law.

• 13:38Speaker 03

  Yeah, you love him, yeah.

• 13:40Sean Hayes?

  So for my sister, my sister, that's Chris Pratt. My sister who doesn't, right?

• 13:43Will Arnett?

  We adore Chris. We love him. We play golf with him sometimes. We like to hang out with him. He's the funniest. He's such a naturally funny guy.

• 13:51Speaker 03

  Yeah, he imitates you guys playing golf.

• 13:55Will Arnett?

  Does he? Uh-oh.

• 13:56Speaker 03

  Yeah, he does. It's not pretty. It's not pretty, no. It's not pretty.

• 14:00Will Arnett?

  Throw your ball into the woods. And that's an imitation of me playing golf.

• 14:04Jason Bateman?

  Maria, what do you, what, what area lately do you find yourself reaching out for advice on? What, which, which, what, what, what area in this, in this crazy-ass world is, is, is, is confusing you most right now?

• 14:18Speaker 03

  Well, how to, how to stay engaged and not be mean in engagement. How to get above all of the rancor and still stay in, trying to make the world better. Still trying to figure out how, yeah, how to keep your voice measured. Really good word. How to keep myself focused on what I'm trying to focus on and not get mixed up in what everybody wants to get you mixed up in. Sometimes I do that well and sometimes I don't. Sometimes I ask my priest, actually, depending on what the subject is, but...

• 14:55Jason Bateman?

  Well, you know, lately, and not to get, sorry to cut you off, but not to get too political, but it does seem that lately, but lately, but lately, lately, there seems to be this, um, uh, pressure on one side to kind of take the gloves off and meet the other side where they're at. And I'm wondering if you have a perspective on that?

• 15:18Speaker 03

  Yes, I don't, I try not to do that.

• 15:21Will Arnett?

  Not to get political.

• 15:22Speaker 03

  I try not to do that. I try not to get into that at all. I try to just figure out what do I want to change in the world? What's my issue? What are the one or two things I want to do? And I try to stay on that and really focus on that. I have a spiritual practice that helps me in the morning stay focused. And I try to talk about my own emotional sobriety. And I try to think about, okay, how is this going to put my own ball down the court? I work on Alzheimer's research a lot. I work on women's health. And so I try to kind of focus on those things. And I try not to kind of attack people personally, which is always a challenge.

• 16:06Will Arnett?

  I think, I think, I think that's really smart. I love that. I love you talking about your spiritual practice you do in the morning and your emotional sobriety. I really love that idea. Yeah, I've never heard of that. And do what you can in the immediate and be present in your life right here.

• 16:22Speaker 03

  Yeah, I also try to follow people that I admire, who are inspiring, who I respect. And there's a great guy named Father Richard Rohr, who has a school, it's called Contemplatives in Action. And I think that that's a really cool concept to be in the world, but to be contemplative in it, to bring about change in the world. But how you go about doing it? I think we think all the time we have to be angry and divisive and partisan to bring about any change. And I don't subscribe to that. I think that we can walk into the world and be determined to be focused, but we don't have to be angry and mean about it.

• 17:06Speaker 03

  It's kind of like, how do you fight, so to speak? And we always think you have to fight rough and tumble and mean. And I think you can fight for an issue in a very focused way, but not a mean divisive way.

• 17:19Will Arnett?

  Yeah, for sure.

• 17:20Jason Bateman?

  So you're so accomplished in so many different areas and mediums.

• 17:28Sean Hayes?

  How are you? You you mentioned Alzheimer's and women's health. Are you? How are you? How are you pointing all those superpowers of yours right now? What do you? Where are you? Where are you enjoying putting all that stuff? We're gonna get into that. She's got a wonderful magazine. Yes.

• 17:45Speaker 03

  Although I I just I love. Last year I worked with President Biden. We started the very first White House Initiative on Women's Health and Research.

• 17:55Sean Hayes?

  That was big news. That was huge news.

• 17:57Speaker 03

  Was really big because there had never been, believe it or not, in this country, a White House Initiative on Women's Health and Research. And there had never been, we only spend 10% of the NIH budget on women's health and research. So we're so far behind and that's been a passion.

• 18:13Sean Hayes?

  Even though they're more than 50% of the population.

• 18:15Speaker 03

  Yeah, exactly. Yeah. And so that was a really big passion project. And we did a lot of great work before he left. And so that's something that's still really important to me because we're really far behind. And for women of all ages.

• 18:31Sean Hayes?

  And especially if you're, you know, the thing, one of the things I learned from you too is the, all of that, all of the statistics about women's health and women's Alzheimer's specifically. Because I've been afflicted with it in my family, you have with your dad and my mom. And so one of the things, you know, you always said, in your research and your education about it, you've said, it's really important to, as you get older, learn an instrument, learn a language, force yourself to remain social, even when, because you want to be, you want to be more sedentary when you get older. You're just like, I don't want to go out. I don't want to do anything. But it's so important to challenge your brain as you get older because nobody knows if you're going to get this.

• 19:09Will Arnett?

  Are you thinking about starting?

• 19:11Sean Hayes?

  Yeah, I'm gonna think about starting.

• 19:15Speaker 03

  Sean's like his Broadway play show. I mean, talk about memory.

• 19:19Sean Hayes?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 19:20Will Arnett?

  I know.

• 19:20Speaker 03

  Talk about an instrument. I went there and I was, of course, made me cry.

• 19:25Will Arnett?

  We've talked about it ad nauseam. Would you, would you say that, like, staying and asked, and I point this towards my, my partner is here. Would you think that staying in your house 364 days a year, do you think that that's healthy?

• 19:39Speaker 03

  No, that's not healthy. I don't think you do that, though.

• 19:41Sean Hayes?

  Well, it depends on what you're doing inside that house, you know.

• 19:44Will Arnett?

  What are you doing inside that house? Go, you go first.

• 19:46Sean Hayes?

  Me? Well, listen, when you talk about an instrument, does a remote control count?

• 19:52Sean Hayes?

  Yeah, you gotta learn how to manipulate.

• 19:54Jason Bateman?

  I play that thing.

• 19:54Speaker 03

  I can't do that. I have to call my son all the time. And he's like, I've shown you this before, mommy. I said, I know, but I can't remember. Could you show it again?

• 20:02Sean Hayes?

  I was at your house for dinner last Thursday and this big thing, we're watching TV and this big thing comes on the screen. And we're like, how do you get rid of this? She's like, it'll go away. It'll just go away.

• 20:13Jason Bateman?

  Turn it off, turn it off.

• 20:14Sean Hayes?

  It's not going away. Just leave it alone. It'll go away. It'll go away.

• 20:18Speaker 03

  And did it go away? Did it go away?

• 20:20Sean Hayes?

  It actually did.

• 20:21Speaker 03

  Okay, it went away. It went away. It said, update now, update later, press here. And John's like, move it, move it. So I could watch the three of you. That's what he kept saying. He's like, I want to mirror the three of us. I'm like, just wait a minute. We'll watch the three of you. He goes, you want to watch one version of us? Or do you want to watch 10 different clips of us? I said, oh, I want to watch 10 different clips. All I want to do tonight.

• 20:43Sean Hayes?

  You're hijacked.

• 20:44Speaker 03

  Yeah, is watch the three of you.

• 20:47Sean Hayes?

  And we will be right back.

• 20:51Sean Hayes?

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• 21:35Sean Hayes?

  and it tastes great and it gives me the energy I need for the whole day. Go to drinkag1.com/smartless and for a limited time, get a free immune support bundle, including a bottle of omega-3 fish oil and a bottle of vitamin D3K2 with your first subscription order of AG1 Next Gen or AG1 Pro. That's drinkag1.com/smartless.

• 22:04Jason Bateman?

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• 23:33Jason Bateman?

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• 24:14Sean Hayes?

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• 24:59Sean Hayes?

  you can switch to a different therapist at any time from their tailored recommendations. Plus, BetterHelp makes it easy to fit therapy into your routine with flexible ways to connect. As we head towards the end of the year, it can be a good time to make some space for yourself. Sign up and get 10% off at betterhelp.com/smartless. That's better H E L P dot com slash smartless.

• 25:27Sean Hayes?

  And now, back to the show.

• 25:30Sean Hayes?

  Wait, go back to this. I've never heard you say emotional sobriety. Yeah. Can you explain to these guys and anybody who listens? That you go, you, I don't remember what it's called, but you go to a place every August, is it? Or something where, or you used to at least, where you, where you go off the grid and you, what is that? Clean out. It was like a spirituality place or something?

• 25:53Speaker 03

  No, actually, no, that's totally wrong.

• 25:55Sean Hayes?

  Great work, Sean. We're done, thank you.

• 25:57Will Arnett?

  Way to listen, what a good friend.

• 25:59Speaker 03

  I go to the last, I go to a place where my emotional sobriety is challenged. And that's, I go home to Hyannis Port where all my cousins are. Where I need to practice.

• 26:09Sean Hayes?

  Oh, are we not, you don't want to talk about that place? That other thing you do?

• 26:13Speaker 03

  What other thing I do?

• 26:14Sean Hayes?

  That thing that you used to go to? Where you had to put your cellphone down? You didn't have to, it was like a retreat or something?

• 26:20Speaker 03

  Yeah, I've been to a lot of retreats. That's Hoffman.

• 26:23Sean Hayes?

  That's what it is.

• 26:24Will Arnett?

  I want to go, I want to go there so badly.

• 26:26Sean Hayes?

  I keep hearing about that place. What is that?

• 26:28Speaker 03

  Yeah, so I went, I went there and.

• 26:30Will Arnett?

  You're not equipped, JB, you can't do it.

• 26:31Sean Hayes?

  No.

• 26:32Will Arnett?

  I can't do it.

• 26:32Speaker 03

  And it was actually, and I'm going back for a tune up again. I'm a big believer in exploring yourself. That's kind of why I wrote this new book on poetry and reflection.

• 26:42Will Arnett?

  Called I Am Maria.

• 26:44Speaker 03

  Yes, I am, and that's, there's a long story behind that. But, um, anyway, I'm a big believer in trying to understand uh, why you may feel dissatisfied, why you may feel stuck, why you may feel angry. Why do you erupt here, there and everywhere? Why, what is going on inside of you?

• 27:00Will Arnett?

  You erupt. Sorry. Sorry, that just came out of nowhere. These are the bits. You know, you know what, Maria? You know what, you know what?

• 27:10Speaker 03

  I feel like I'm at home. I feel like I'm so at home. Oh, I've asked Sean to bring you guys to dinner one night.

• 27:16Will Arnett?

  Oh, we'd love to. Sean, I got the invite. Relay that.

• 27:19Speaker 03

  No.

• 27:20Will Arnett?

  This is not, I'm not kidding. He's never said that.

• 27:22Speaker 03

  Sean, you said, remember I said when we did those questions that lovers do, marriage couples do? And so I asked Sean to do it with me. And one of the things was, you know, you had to go through, what do we like about each other? How do we want the other person to grow? He had done it with Scotty. So I said, can you do it with me?

• 27:38Will Arnett?

  Right.

• 27:38Speaker 03

  And then one of the things I said to you at the end is I want you to invite me.

• 27:42Will Arnett?

  Yeah.

• 27:43Speaker 03

  Yeah, to meet your friends.

• 27:45Will Arnett?

  I, okay, okay. He's never mentioned it. I'm gonna make it happen. He's never mentioned it.

• 27:48Speaker 03

  He's never mentioned it. I know, God.

• 27:50Will Arnett?

  Here's, here's the thing, and I might, I might be divulging, this, this might be too much information, but I've recently, uh, uh, been, uh, made aware of the term, uh, of being, or the idea of, uh, being intimate with yourself.

• 28:06Speaker 03

  Yes.

• 28:06Will Arnett?

  Uh, and that's not what you think, JB, so, uh. Damn it. It's. I thought we were gonna hear some technique. No, no, no, no. It's, it's, it's, uh, this idea about learning how to be intimate with yourself is something, is a process that I've been sort of going through recently, and it's been really, um. Revealing and really tough to do. It's a new, a new practice for me.

• 28:32Speaker 03

  How do you do that?

• 28:34Will Arnett?

  Well, it's, it's about, uh, well, it's, you know, it's, it's a form of therapy that I'm sort of going through. It's part of the therapy that I've been experiencing of late. And it's about, um, you know, uh, going back and being honest with myself about things and about where I've been and about allowing myself to feel certain things that I was potentially avoiding for a long time, et cetera, et cetera. Yeah.

• 28:58Sean Hayes?

  And it's good for men to do that.

• 29:00Will Arnett?

  Well, you can't, and, and the idea, yes, it's good for men. And the idea is that you can't have real intimacy with somebody else if you cannot be intimate with yourself.

• 29:09Speaker 03

  Bingo.

• 29:09Sean Hayes?

  Interesting.

• 29:09Will Arnett?

  Yeah.

• 29:10Speaker 03

  Bingo.

• 29:10Will Arnett?

  Which I was like, oh, all right.

• 29:12Sean Hayes?

  Yeah.

• 29:13Will Arnett?

  You know?

• 29:14Speaker 03

  I love that. I love that you're doing that because I think it's, um, I do that through writing and sometimes I've done it through therapy. But I find that when I write and I, if I write early in the morning and I write when it's quiet. And that's what this book kind of is, a lot of poetry. It's kind of almost stream of consciousness, just allowing stuff to come up. And you find that, you know, there's a whole other person living in there or a whole other voice uh, that wants to speak, which is really fascinating.

• 29:42Sean Hayes?

  Yeah.

• 29:42Will Arnett?

  It's, it's been, it's been interesting. And I, and also I was thinking about when you said, JB, I think you, or one of you did, uh, uh, who, who are the people that you go to Maria to talk to about things? And, and what are the conversations? And there is somebody, we have a, we have a mutual friend, uh, who I go to, who's, other than these guys, who I talk to about a lot of these things, who's our, uh, my buddy Clay, whom I think you know.

• 30:07Sean Hayes?

  Yeah.

• 30:07Speaker 03

  I go to Clay too.

• 30:09Will Arnett?

  And Clay's my guy.

• 30:10Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 30:11Will Arnett?

  And he is my, he's one of my best friends and he is my, he's my brother. I, I love him. Uh, and he's been incredible to me, uh, on so many levels.

• 30:21Speaker 03

  Oh, I love that. That's so beautiful. My brother now goes to Clay too.

• 30:25Will Arnett?

  Yes.

• 30:25Speaker 03

  For, um, he, Clay, uh, is, um, really great at reminding you who you are.

• 30:33Will Arnett?

  Yeah.

• 30:34Speaker 03

  At telling you what he sees. And reassuring you that that voice that's telling you you're, you know, all those other things is wrong and that what he sees is what other people see. And I think we all need a friend like that, actually. Shaun, you're like that with me, right? You tell me what you see, you remind me when I go down a hole. They often, in lyrical, sometimes people call that an anam cara. There's a book about that that John O'Donohue, the poet, wrote called the anam cara, which is, it means soul friend. It's Gaelic, right? It means soul friend. And it's somebody who is a very intimate friend. It can be a sexual person,

• 31:15Speaker 03

  but it can often very not be at all. And it's just someone who sees you, who reflects back to you who you are, who tells you, who's honest with you, who tells you what they see.

• 31:28Sean Hayes?

  Yeah, I love that.

• 31:29Speaker 03

  And reassures you that you're on the path and also is honest enough to tell you when you've fallen off of it and can remind you that you can get back up.

• 31:37Will Arnett?

  That's really, and yeah, Shaun, you hear that. It's an intimate friend, right? It can be sexual and it's, that's a call, it's a Gaelic.

• 31:44Sean Hayes?

  Yeah.

• 31:45Will Arnett?

  So.

• 31:46Sean Hayes?

  It's like a salt lick, but.

• 31:47Will Arnett?

  But it's a, but actually, I think I met, you know what, Marie? I met your brother at Clay's birthday.

• 31:53Speaker 03

  You met me at Clay's birthday?

• 31:55Will Arnett?

  I, we had met before, though.

• 31:57Speaker 03

  Yeah, but we, we talked there.

• 31:58Will Arnett?

  We talked there, but I didn't want to say that we met there because you don't remember the first time we met, but I do. We had met.

• 32:03Sean Hayes?

  Uh oh, Shaun, Shaun, let's you and I take a quick five.

• 32:06Will Arnett?

  I didn't want to put you on the spot.

• 32:07Speaker 03

  Tell me, where did we meet the first time?

• 32:09Will Arnett?

  Years ago at Shaun's house. And Shaun, this is, this is over 20 years ago. Shaun had a card game, had a big poker night at his house. Do you remember that? It was like.

• 32:19Sean Hayes?

  It was so long ago.

• 32:20Will Arnett?

  It was over.

• 32:20Sean Hayes?

  Is that another thing that I wasn't at that? No, you were there, actually.

• 32:24Will Arnett?

  You were, you, you had switched numbers. You had changed phone numbers, I think.

• 32:29Sean Hayes?

  No, I, no. No, this was like 25 years ago.

• 32:32Will Arnett?

  Yeah.

• 32:33Sean Hayes?

  Yeah, we were still friends then. It's cool. We'll double back on this after we sign off.

• 32:38Will Arnett?

  Anyway, anyway, yeah, you're right. But it is great having those kind of people in your life.

• 32:42Speaker 03

  Yeah, I love that.

• 32:44Will Arnett?

  And I like, these guys, we have the same thing. They, it's not holding your feet to the fire, but it's the ability to go, hey, this is what's going on. And being unafraid to say, hey, have you thought about this in a way that's kind and constructive?

• 32:59Sean Hayes?

  Yes. And that, and that, and that exercise that Maria was talking about, where we wrote each other, like, you know, good things, things to work on, whatever, blah, blah, blah. I said to her, remember mine, my, the big one to you?

• 33:11Will Arnett?

  Uh oh.

• 33:11Sean Hayes?

  Was, hey, do you think you could introduce me to people when I come over to your house? Because, because she, her, your whole life has been so huge, filled with so many people constantly 24/7 in your house, out of here. It's like a revolving door of all these people that come in and out. And I'll see these people and you'd be like, yeah, that's Martha. So anyway, come over. And I'm like, who is, like, who is that? And I'll be sitting next, like, having a hamburger next to somebody. And I'm like, I have no idea who this person is. And you just assume that I know them.

• 33:40Will Arnett?

  And are you bringing your own hamburgers? Are you bringing the burgers with you?

• 33:44Speaker 03

  He does bring his own dessert, though. He does bring his, he does bring his own dessert.

• 33:48Sean Hayes?

  He sure does.

• 33:48Will Arnett?

  He does.

• 33:49Sean Hayes?

  Is it any wonder why his husband is a diabetic?

• 33:54Sean Hayes?

  Sean's got a trunk full of treats. No, I bring my own desserts because as wonderful as you are to feed me, a lot of the times the desserts are gluten-free, sugar-free, bubbly-free.

• 34:04Speaker 03

  But that's because of Scotty.

• 34:05Will Arnett?

  Why are you doing the funny voice?

• 34:06Speaker 03

  I'm doing that, I'm doing that because of Scotty.

• 34:09Sean Hayes?

  Oh, I didn't know that.

• 34:10Will Arnett?

  Out of respect, Sean.

• 34:11Speaker 03

  Out of respect, thank you.

• 34:12Will Arnett?

  Unlike you, she's not trying to kill your husband.

• 34:14Sean Hayes?

  Right.

• 34:15Speaker 03

  I love his husband. He's so calm, so steady.

• 34:19Will Arnett?

  He's the best. We love Scotty. We love Scotty. Scotty is the best. Maria, you, you touched on going back to your, going back home and visiting your family and needing to sort of arm yourself, if you will, with a spiritual program. The idea of growing up with that kind of, and continued sort of being part of a family that is under that kind of scrutiny, what does that do? Because every, we all have sort of-

• 34:44Sean Hayes?

  Tell Tracy, like, the, so your mom, your dad is Sergeant, the great Sergeant Shriver. Your mom is Eunice Kennedy, who is the sister of JFK. And you're the niece and blah, blah, blah. Okay.

• 34:54Speaker 03

  I am Maria.

• 34:56Sean Hayes?

  I am Maria, right, and that's what I wanted to talk about.

• 35:00Jason Bateman?

  You can find it in paperback.

• 35:10Sean Hayes?

  And you're like, I'm Maria, but that's what I wanted to talk about, about the Hoffman's place. Is a guy came up, remember this conversation was like three, four, five years ago?

• 35:17Speaker 03

  Do I talk to you or do I talk to, I mean, or Will? Will asked me a question or do I go to you?

• 35:22Will Arnett?

  Thank you, Maria.

• 35:23Speaker 03

  No, no, where do I go? I just would first like to deal with Will.

• 35:27Jason Bateman?

  Welcome to Smartless.

• 35:28Speaker 03

  Because I'm your guest or should I go to you?

• 35:30Sean Hayes?

  But it has to do with Will, what Will's about to say.

• 35:32Speaker 03

  Okay.

• 35:33Sean Hayes?

  So, so my, the reason I brought up the Hoffman thing is because you had shared with me that part of the, part of your journey at Hoffman was a guy came up to you and immediately started asking you about your lineage, right? And you're like, hang on, and it upset you because you're like, wait, my name is Maria Shriver. I am my own person, I have my own accomplishments, I have a family, I'm, all these things that you are without the Kennedys, right? And then you had an epiphany that you shared with me, like, wait, but part of me is that and to shun it is wrong, right? And so, and then I know that has, that's kind of a prep to what Will's probably going about, about to ask you, what was it like?

• 36:12Will Arnett?

  Well, I had already asked her, what is it, do you feel, but yes, sure, that's, that's adjacent to what I'm saying, which is, yeah, that's a-

• 36:19Jason Bateman?

  I'm right here.

• 36:21Will Arnett?

  Adjacent.

• 36:22Jason Bateman?

  Adjacent abatement.

• 36:23Will Arnett?

  Adjacent abatement.

• 36:25Jason Bateman?

  My new mobile company.

• 36:28Jason Bateman?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 36:29Will Arnett?

  I think it's gonna do well.

• 36:30Jason Bateman?

  I think it will, yeah.

• 36:32Speaker 03

  That's funny.

• 36:33Will Arnett?

  But, but, talk about that then.

• 36:35Speaker 03

  It's a lot, it's a lot, actually, but I, I find after doing a lot of work, I find myself now in a really good place about it.

• 36:44Will Arnett?

  Well, because, and the reason I, what's interesting is, you know, you hear people who are, who have made names of themselves as a-

• 36:54Will Arnett?

  Whatever it is, name the discipline. But, but, and then people say, and if they say, well, it's tough being in this position. The critics say, well, fuck it, that's the price you pay for being famous. And they say that, right? So you can't complain. In a lot of ways, even though you've had so many great accomplishments that you've forged on your own. You were born into it. You didn't have a choice, is the truth, right?

• 37:18Speaker 03

  Right, yeah, but I think we all have a, a choice about how we wanna conduct ourselves in that experience, right? And I think what I tried to do was outwork my lineage, which was a mistake. And I thought like, oh, if I, you know, get accomplished, if I do all these things, then you won't be introducing me by whose daughter I am, whose cousin I am, whose niece I am, and won't be talking to me only about those things. And that was a driver, certainly. But I think it was unrealistic because I came to understand, like, I'm never gonna outwork that. I'm never gonna outperform that. I'm never gonna out that, right? So to speak. So getting to a place where like, okay, wait a minute.

• 38:02Speaker 03

  Let me figure out how to accept that, how to be happy when people come up and that's all they wanna talk to me about. And then just try to understand that I have my own practice. I have friends who understand who I am, who love me for me. And that I can't change everybody's opinion. Like I go through the airport or I sit down and that's what all people wanna talk to me about. I just go, okay, now I understand that. I just let that be and I don't get mad at them.

• 38:32Sean Hayes?

  Yeah, yeah. But it's so funny, like, like, growing up in, in my generation and seeing you on TV all the time, I would never, ever think of talking to you about that. I, because I grew up seeing you as Maria Shriver only.

• 38:44Will Arnett?

  Yeah, exactly. Even more famous than any of sort of, any Kennedy lineage could, could, could put on someone. Like, you, you, you were extremely successful in carving your own name, your own position, your own profile.

• 38:58Sean Hayes?

  Yeah.

• 38:58Speaker 03

  But people wanna talk to me about the other.

• 39:01Will Arnett?

  Right.

• 39:01Sean Hayes?

  Right, yeah, well, yeah, exactly.

• 39:04Speaker 03

  And so I think it's just getting to a place of understanding that, that that's part of you and not fighting it, and then just trying to figure out, okay, what do I want to do, which brings me back, you know, what are the issues that I care about? And not feeling like I'm not performing if I'm not running for president. That's kind of how I grew up. Like, if you're not gonna, you know, run for that, like, get out of the way, you know?

• 39:27Sean Hayes?

  Yeah.

• 39:28Speaker 03

  Go to the back of the room. So I had to go like, okay, you know? And my mother was also a total force of nature.

• 39:35Sean Hayes?

  She certainly was.

• 39:35Speaker 03

  Quite a tough woman.

• 39:36Sean Hayes?

  Yeah.

• 39:37Speaker 03

  And she also was not interested in hearing any complaint about anything.

• 39:41Will Arnett?

  Right.

• 39:42Sean Hayes?

  So I wanted to ask you about that.

• 39:43Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 39:43Sean Hayes?

  Because, because the few lunches I had with her.

• 39:47Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 39:47Sean Hayes?

  And you, I'd be sitting, she scared the shit out of me.

• 39:51Sean Hayes?

  I'd be sitting there having lunch, and we had a couple of good laughs, like you and I.

• 39:55Speaker 03

  Yeah, she's funny.

• 39:56Sean Hayes?

  Yeah, she's funny. But you're right, she's very guarded, or whatever, however you want to describe it. And you are one of the best mothers I've ever witnessed. Like, the, the rules that you put in place, and the boundaries, and the love, and all of those things as a mother was incredible to witness. But did you recognize that in your mom? That she is this kind of, like you said, force of nature in, in an emotional way? Did you find that, okay, well, like all of us, we gotta take the good stuff from our parents and the stuff that maybe we don't want to take? And how did you find that balance? And were you aware of, of how she was?

• 40:33Speaker 03

  Well, I was aware she terrified everybody, and she terrified me, too. So I mean, I, so I was aware of that. I was aware that she was formidable. And, you know, I stood up, as I said, every time she walked in the room till the day she died, right? I, both my parents, I was raised that way. My grandparents, my parents, you know, like... They're in charge, they're, they're running the roost and they had really high expectations and I was, and my brothers, so they were very clear about their expectations. So, and if you were not doing them, well, you just did not do them.

• 41:14Sean Hayes?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 41:15Jason Bateman?

  How did that, then how did that transfer into your style of parenting? I, I, like, my dad was super duper strict and I found that I kinda went the other direction to a certain extent. Like, I wanted my kids to feel a little bit more of a friendship with me than I had with my dad, but then I also recognized that, that I had this big authority figure, this, this disciplinarian in front of me was very good for me, gave me a lot of structure. And so I thought, oh, maybe I'm doing a disservice to my kids, so I kinda tried to tack back. Like, how did you find a balance there?

• 41:48Speaker 03

  Well, I tried to kind of take a lot of the things both my parents instilled in me, but I tried to be softer in that I tried to say I love you. I tried to touch them and hold them and nurture them. And, you know, really, I guess, really touch, you know, hold them and, you know, I think my, but I also have, and through Hoffman and other work, understood that my mother, you know, asking my mother to give me something that wasn't given to her was unfair.

• 42:21Jason Bateman?

  Right.

• 42:22Speaker 03

  So, and so she didn't grow up being held like that. She didn't grow up being, she was loved in a different way. And I felt loved, but not like how I would look at other people's mothers.

• 42:36Jason Bateman?

  Right, right, right.

• 42:37Speaker 03

  It wasn't the same thing, you know?

• 42:40Sean Hayes?

  We'll be right back.

• 42:44Sean Hayes?

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• 43:41Sean Hayes?

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• 44:21Sean Hayes?

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• 45:05Sean Hayes?

  Well, Wayfair has pretty much all of them, so I got those pumpkin lights that you like. They're like string lights that you hang outside your door. I love that stuff. Transform your space with pieces that hold up to real life. Join Wayfair Rewards today and get 5% back on every purchase. Head to wayfair.com or shop the Wayfair app for all things home. That's wayfair.com.

• 45:32Sean Hayes?

  And now, back to the show.

• 45:35Will Arnett?

  Was that a big moment for you when you started? I remember certain things about not forgiving your parents, but would you have an understanding and appreciation of what it is, what their limitations are because of how they were brought up, et cetera? First of all, it happens later in life than you wished. You wished it would happen when you were 18.

• 45:53Sean Hayes?

  Right.

• 45:55Will Arnett?

  What was that like for you? Was that a sort of a watershed moment in your life?

• 45:59Speaker 03

  Yeah, and it continued to be in multiple ways. And even after my mother passed away, it was, I continued to learn about her and continued to change my relationship with her in death as well. And trying to understand how she was raised, what she was up against. You know, my mother, she dressed in men's pants. She carried a briefcase. She smoked cigars. She only hung out with men. She'd have, you know, like, our table was filled with men. And when, like, they would bring their wives and maybe wives would go into one corner, she'd always go with the men. She had her cigar out. She'd have her, you know, pencils in her hair.

• 46:44Speaker 03

  And she was like on it. She was like not messing around at all. So I was like, okay, is that a woman? It's like, is that the way you're supposed to do it? You know, I don't know. She was very competitive, hyper competitive, tried to beat all her children, beat everybody who came around. And so she was...

• 47:03Sean Hayes?

  And challenging, not physically beating them.

• 47:05Speaker 03

  Very challenging. Be competitively beat.

• 47:08Sean Hayes?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 47:08Speaker 03

  Not beat them. Thank you, Sean.

• 47:11Sean Hayes?

  You're welcome. That's from here.

• 47:13Speaker 03

  But I admired that. That's how she created the Special Olympics. That's how she created change in the field of people with intellectual disabilities. She willed it into action. And she stomped the halls of Capitol Hill. And she forced her brother, when he was president, and her other brothers, when they were in the Senate, to change laws. And she was relentless. And that created tremendous change. So I kind of watched that. And I tried to figure out, okay, how do I do that out of the house, but not in the house?

• 47:44Jason Bateman?

  Uh huh. Now, I'm sure you've answered this a thousand times. I apologize for not knowing the answer, but what was the main thing that kept you from ever really formally going into a political position and the feeling that you could effect change a little bit more from the private sector?

• 48:02Speaker 03

  Well, my experience with politics was assassination. And I also, my dad ran for vice president 72 and lost. And it was a big, that was a huge watershed moment for me. And I also watched people come over to our home who were involved in politics, who were one way in our house and a different way on television and outside. And I didn't like that. So for me, it was just, it felt, you know, I felt, and I watched my mother, as I said, do things outside of politics and create change. And my dad as well started the Peace Corps, the War on Poverty, Head Start, you know,

• 48:47Speaker 03

  Foster Grandparents, Job Corps, the list goes on. And I watched how they changed the world outside of running for office. And so I thought, you know, that was a good model to emulate.

• 49:02Will Arnett?

  What incredible examples of like, and using their time and their position. And Jay, how many days a week did you play golf last week?

• 49:10Jason Bateman?

  Oh, boy. I can tell you, first of all, let me say, I was very peaceful while I did it.

• 49:15Will Arnett?

  Okay, good for you.

• 49:16Jason Bateman?

  The core of what I was doing.

• 49:18Will Arnett?

  So I don't think that's what the Peace Corps means.

• 49:20Jason Bateman?

  Yeah, they put a P on the end of it for some weird reason. The, I was actually talking to my 18 year old yesterday about, oh no, was it the 12 year old? Can't remember, one of the daughters, yesterday about, about, about, about service right after school and how some countries, you know, make that a requirement. And where do you sit on that? I feel like it'd be such a great thing for, someone was talking about it on TV the other day about how it would, would foster this, this great. Healthy sense of shared.

• 49:52Will Arnett?

  Do you mean military service?

• 49:54Jason Bateman?

  No, it could it could take any form. Yeah, in some countries it's military and other countries it's it's just serving the greater good, some sort of civil. Peace Corps came to mind when I was talking to her. That's what made me think of of it when you were talking about it. Where's your where do you stand on that?

• 50:10Will Arnett?

  Sean, you did Up with People for two years, didn't you?

• 50:12Jason Bateman?

  I did Down with People.

• 50:15Speaker 03

  I think it's a great idea. I think it's a great idea. We actually in this weekly, I heard you asking about. You know, newsletters and I have a newsletter that goes out every Sunday called the Sunday Paper. And we actually published yesterday this op ed from these two friends of mine, John Bridgeland, Alan Casey, about called Big Citizenship. And the idea about, you know, proposing to this administration about what we actually need is a big service corps. Where everybody could be of service to their country.

• 50:45Jason Bateman?

  I love that.

• 50:47Speaker 03

  For one or two years and you could be in AmeriCorps, you could be in Teach for America, you could be in the Peace Corps. And actually, when Arnold was governor and I was first lady, we tried to do that. We started a California Corps. Of people volunteering for California. And I always felt that that would be something that people would bring people from all walks of life. Together and I worked for a while on a National Service Corps proposal, which never got off the ground. But, you know, it's a financial, I think it's more of a financial issue for the federal government. I think there's tremendous desire there that people really want and would, whether it's a gap year.

• 51:27Speaker 03

  And that there's so many ways to be, you could have an environmental corps, they have that in California Environmental Corps, you could. I tried to do that because we need so many more caregivers for people with Alzheimer's and dementia, Parkinson's and all this sort of stuff. If people went, you know, could they get free tuition if they went to a state school, if they gave two years to be a caregiver?

• 51:45Jason Bateman?

  It's a great idea.

• 51:46Will Arnett?

  Yeah. Yeah. JB, when they canceled Hogan Family, didn't you have a gap year?

• 51:53Jason Bateman?

  Oh, yeah, yeah, a lot, more of a decade.

• 51:57Will Arnett?

  He doesn't remember it.

• 51:58Jason Bateman?

  But um, yeah, that would be, you know, not to be too cynical, but it does seem like the, the, the, the miracle of it all, or the, the, the big, the big thing that would get it moving would be, what is the carrot on the other side for, for the person who's volunteering, quote unquote, like, is it, is it free tuition, is it a more favored consideration on your application going into a state school, what, like, what, what, what, what's in it for them, aside from the, the good feeling you would have?

• 52:24Speaker 03

  Well, that would be big, to get, you know, tuition lessened, you know, that's, I think that's a huge carrot for people who have student loans.

• 52:34Jason Bateman?

  Or just a higher consideration, a different list that you're on when in consideration for a state school, because I know, you know, my 18-year-old, that's, that's so much anxiety for kids, like, getting into a school, have I done enough extracurricular, blah, blah, blah, like, if that was something that, like, oh, you go right to the top of the list in consideration for these UC schools, that would be, that would be big, and it wouldn't cost, I don't think it would cost the state anything, you know?

• 52:57Speaker 03

  We, we tried to do something like that, I was chairing a task force for the governor here on Alzheimer's, and that was one of our recommendations about that, so it didn't, hadn't happened yet, but I think there are ideas like that around, which I think are great, and I think that young people would really like that, service corps, you know, there's, there are some programs around like that, but I think the question always is, you know, they don't pay well, obviously.

• 53:27Jason Bateman?

  Right, right. But you're at an age where you, you've, you don't, you don't need the money just yet, like, you might still potentially be under your parents' wing, you know, just right after high school and before college, and maybe the parents would be okay, give them one more year of support while you're off helping the country or the state?

• 53:44Speaker 03

  Yeah, well, yeah, a lot of people do need the money, so it's like, looking at, so that it's a diverse workforce, that it's, you know, it depends, different states have different needs, right, different states have different needs, and so I think it's a great idea, it, there are a lot of people who've been pushing it for a long time, it has not happened, I, I thought it was an intriguing op-ed that these guys wrote, originally for the Washington Post last week, and then we repurposed it in the Sunday Paper on Sunday.

• 54:14Jason Bateman?

  I want that newsletter.

• 54:15Speaker 03

  Big citizenship, I like that idea, big citizenship.

• 54:18Will Arnett?

  You know, it's funny, I mean, we sit here, we talk about it, and it's, you know, we're in a unique position, we get to sort of talk about these ideas, etc. And they make a lot of sense. And how funny or how unfortunate is it? As you say, there's met resistance. It never happened. They're going to go through. And it really does make you wonder, why?

• 54:39Sean Hayes?

  Yeah, that's what I was wondering.

• 54:41Will Arnett?

  Why don't people want to do it? Why don't people? Why isn't there a sense that we should, you know, do something for the greater good? And people go, well, we don't want to.

• 54:51Sean Hayes?

  Yeah, or a couple of people don't want to.

• 54:52Speaker 03

  Well, there's a lot going on, actually. You know, like, I look at Special Olympics all the time, which is one of the largest volunteer programs in the world. Right? And people are, you know, from both parties, from all different age groups, go out and volunteer. And I think because they're asked. They're asked, like, this program won't succeed in your neighborhood or your community or your state unless you volunteer. And I think sometimes people, it depends who's doing the asking. Right? You even see that in our own homes. You know, sometimes like, who's asking you to clear the table? Who's asking you to do the chore? And then what figure is asking you to be of service? And I think we, young people aren't volunteering for military corps

• 55:37Speaker 03

  because sometimes they look and see like, well, how does that person get taken care of when they come back? Who's doing the asking? What is the life like on the other end versus, you know, many years ago? Right? So I think it's, I believe that, you know, if the right person raises it up, puts it front and center, makes it inspiring, calls young people up and tells them, we need you in order to rebuild the country, in order to, you know, put our values front and center in order that you can have a country that's going to be the country you want to live in, with the values you want to live in. So I'm calling everybody up. I mean, I think it's, nobody's called people up like that, right?

• 56:22Sean Hayes?

  It's great. One of the, one of the pieces of advice I've actually shared with these guys before, outside of this podcast, is anytime there'd be an issue come, issue that came up politically or socially or whatever it was, and I would complain about it to you and you would say, I know, isn't that awful? So what are you doing about it?

• 56:40Will Arnett?

  Yeah, exactly.

• 56:41Sean Hayes?

  And I'm like, oh, and it completely disarms people. Because you're right. It's like, to everything you're saying, you have to be the leader of that. You can, instead of sitting and waiting for somebody to ask you.

• 56:51Will Arnett?

  Well, I think kids would listen to you. If you just ask them to serve. Me? You think they'd listen to me?

• 56:56Jason Bateman?

  I think they would, yeah.

• 56:58Sean Hayes?

  So wait, so Maria.

• 57:01Speaker 03

  I, I love that. I mean, I think Jason, you should take that on. I, I think like my kids, if you ask my kids, they pay attention. They'll be like, did you hear it? God, he asked us to be of service.

• 57:11Jason Bateman?

  I think Will has a better voice. Will, Will makes a lot of money with his voice, a lot of timber to it. I'll set him up with a big phone bank.

• 57:18Will Arnett?

  I think Jason, we'll send a car, we'll send a car to get you out of the house.

• 57:21Jason Bateman?

  Will, I think you're uniquely suited for this. You, you know, you got a whisper booth there. Everything's all ready.

• 57:30Sean Hayes?

  Whisper booth. Uh, so Maria, before we leave you, uh.

• 57:34Speaker 03

  You're leaving?

• 57:35Sean Hayes?

  Yeah.

• 57:35Jason Bateman?

  You're already into overtime.

• 57:37Speaker 03

  I'm gonna go tell the leaf blower he can go back, right?

• 57:40Sean Hayes?

  Yeah, yes. But wait, I have one last thing.

• 57:43Speaker 03

  One last thing.

• 57:43Sean Hayes?

  You've, you've super successful. You've seen it all. You've met everyone. You've had more experiences than anyone I know. What is it there? What is that you haven't done or want to accomplish that, that, that speaks to your values? How about that?

• 57:57Speaker 03

  Oh, that's a really deep question. Wow.

• 58:01Jason Bateman?

  Yeah. Should've gave her that at the beginning and give her a chance to come up with an answer.

• 58:05Speaker 03

  I don't know if I'm gonna tell you the answer. I know the answer, but I'm not gonna tell you this.

• 58:09Jason Bateman?

  Really? Come on, Maria.

• 58:11Speaker 03

  No, no, not, not gonna say it.

• 58:13Jason Bateman?

  You're not gonna tell us what you.

• 58:14Speaker 03

  I'm just gonna keep on going. I'm gonna keep on going right down here. I totally am always thinking of like.

• 58:20Jason Bateman?

  You're pointing in the right direction, yes?

• 58:22Speaker 03

  I'm pointing in the right direction. I'm moving forward. I think, and I always tell you, I think like, who do I want at my 70th birthday? Who do I want at my funeral? And I work on those relationships now.

• 58:33Will Arnett?

  I love that those are two different lists.

• 58:37Will Arnett?

  I love it. I love it.

• 58:39Speaker 03

  And I'm now gonna include you two, the other boys now at my funeral and my birthday party. I just, I just grew my list.

• 58:46Sean Hayes?

  That's right.

• 58:47Will Arnett?

  I'd love to say a few, I'd love to say a few words if that'd be okay.

• 58:49Speaker 03

  I hope so. I hope you'll bring a poem because I've got this book of poetry. So that's mainly when people use poems, right? They stand up at a funeral, they stand up at a wedding.

• 58:59Sean Hayes?

  I, I, I asked to get the copy of the book and it's not ready yet, but I can't wait to read I Am Maria and the poems. I love it.

• 59:05Speaker 03

  Do you have a poem in your life that's, was like important? Nothing?

• 59:09Sean Hayes?

  No, roses are red, violets are blue.

• 59:11Speaker 03

  Nothing. How about you other guys? No, no poems, no poetry?

• 59:14Jason Bateman?

  I gotta work on that part.

• 59:15Will Arnett?

  I mean, I could cite like, you know, Rilke or somebody like that, you know what I mean? I mean, what are we gonna do? Poetry is, you know, is useful in times of celebration, in times of heartbreak.

• 59:27Sean Hayes?

  So you don't want, so Maria, you don't want to, you don't want to answer the one thing that you haven't done that you want to accomplish?

• 59:34Jason Bateman?

  Well, but you made it specifically to her values. Now, she could, she could, you could say something, something a little bit more trivial like, was there a place you'd like to go? Or a person you've yet to meet?

• 59:45Sean Hayes?

  Yeah, how about that?

• 59:47Speaker 03

  Oh, yeah, I have a person I'd get to meet. I really want to meet, sit and have a meal with the Pope.

• 59:53Jason Bateman?

  Uh huh.

• 59:54Speaker 03

  I really want to meet the Pope.

• 59:56Will Arnett?

  Let me just check.

• 59:57Speaker 03

  I want to move in with the Pope. I want to hang with the Pope.

• 1:00:00Will Arnett?

  He's pretty jammed, I'm looking right now. Yeah, he's, I mean, how's your April? How's your April looking?

• 1:00:07Speaker 03

  I'll, I'll change, I'll even give up my Sunday dinner for the Pope.

• 1:00:10Will Arnett?

  Let me talk.

• 1:00:12Speaker 03

  I'll move everything around for the Pope.

• 1:00:14Will Arnett?

  Wow.

• 1:00:15Speaker 03

  For Francis, yeah. He's my man.

• 1:00:17Sean Hayes?

  I feel like you can make that happen. All right, I'm gonna work on that for you.

• 1:00:19Speaker 03

  Will you work on that for me? Just put me in your luggage, take me there to Rome. I think if I could just get in and sit down at the table, you're not allowed. My brother went there and you're not, if he, you see him eating there, you're not allowed to go over and talk. And so my brother said, well, you, you would break that rule, Maria. I said, oh, for sure.

• 1:00:37Will Arnett?

  Let me just say, let me just say this, Maria. Maria, let me just say this, if anyone can, the Vatican, okay? So don't worry.

• 1:00:44Jason Bateman?

  There we go.

• 1:00:45Speaker 03

  Oh, that's funny, the Vatican.

• 1:00:48Sean Hayes?

  Maria, we love you. I can't wait for your book.

• 1:00:51Speaker 03

  I love you, Shawty.

• 1:00:52Sean Hayes?

  Yes, so much. One of the most important people in my life is you, as well as these two fellas. So I'm all in one show is, makes me very, very happy to know.

• 1:00:59Jason Bateman?

  Really nice to meet you.

• 1:01:00Speaker 03

  Thank you for having me. Thank you for having me.

• 1:01:03Jason Bateman?

  I want to come over and clear the table. Invite me, I'll be a good guest.

• 1:01:07Sean Hayes?

  Yeah.

• 1:01:07Speaker 03

  Okay.

• 1:01:08Sean Hayes?

  You don't have to ask him, he'll just do it.

• 1:01:09Speaker 03

  He'll do it?

• 1:01:10Sean Hayes?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 1:01:10Speaker 03

  Love it. Good example for my boys.

• 1:01:13Sean Hayes?

  All right, honey, love you.

• 1:01:14Speaker 03

  Okay, bye.

• 1:01:15Sean Hayes?

  Thanks, Maria.

• 1:01:15Speaker 03

  Now do I go?

• 1:01:16Will Arnett?

  Thank you.

• 1:01:16Jason Bateman?

  You slam it.

• 1:01:17Will Arnett?

  Yeah.

• 1:01:17Sean Hayes?

  You can slam it shut.

• 1:01:25Sean Hayes?

  Right?

• 1:01:26Will Arnett?

  She's

• 1:01:27Sean Hayes?

  Don't you feel better?

• 1:01:27Jason Bateman?

  Emotional, emotional sobriety.

• 1:01:29Will Arnett?

  I've met her a couple of times with you, but so briefly and I never really got a sense of like how, I mean, a little bit. She's obviously super smart stuff, but like she's

• 1:01:37Sean Hayes?

  Yeah, but and 10, I mean, there's 10,000 other things that she's started or programs or, I mean, we didn't even get into any of it. But she's endless. Every single day she wakes up thinking about how she can serve. And we talked about that before with other people, but how can she

• 1:01:53Will Arnett?

  Don't sell yourself short. You told me the other day, you started season four of The Mentalist.

• 1:01:57Sean Hayes?

  That's true.

• 1:01:57Will Arnett?

  You and Scotty.

• 1:02:02Sean Hayes?

  The mental, how do you have that at the ready? The mentalist.

• 1:02:08Sean Hayes?

  Anyway, Maria, Maria, Maria.

• 1:02:10Will Arnett?

  I love, Sean, I love that. I know you've talked so fondly about her and her family and how important they are to you and your life.

• 1:02:19Sean Hayes?

  Yeah.

• 1:02:19Will Arnett?

  Right? It just like

• 1:02:21Jason Bateman?

  Well, because he doesn't like, does not like to cook. That is why.

• 1:02:24Will Arnett?

  No, but like real

• 1:02:25Jason Bateman?

  Jen's on Sunday, Maria's on Thursday.

• 1:02:27Will Arnett?

  Real rocks, real rocks for you. Like really, real, right?

• 1:02:31Sean Hayes?

  Thanks, Eddie.

• 1:02:31Will Arnett?

  Like a real steadiness.

• 1:02:33Sean Hayes?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 1:02:34Will Arnett?

  Added to your life.

• 1:02:35Sean Hayes?

  She is, yeah. As are you guys, by the way. But, yeah, but

• 1:02:41Will Arnett?

  Yeah, she's done so much for so many groups, hearing her talk and it's just incredible.

• 1:02:47Sean Hayes?

  Anyway, thanks for indulging and I'm glad you enjoyed her as much as I did.

• 1:02:50Jason Bateman?

  She seems like she would be absolutely my favorite person in the world.

• 1:02:54Sean Hayes?

  Why don't we do, we'll do a, we'll do a din.

• 1:02:57Jason Bateman?

  Yeah. Make it happen.

• 1:02:58Will Arnett?

  We'll do a, we'll do a din?

• 1:03:00Jason Bateman?

  Yeah, that's short for dinner.

• 1:03:01Sean Hayes?

  Yeah.

• 1:03:02Jason Bateman?

  Well, come on, you know, this guy's a hip guy.

• 1:03:04Sean Hayes?

  Yeah.

• 1:03:06Jason Bateman?

  He's got riz.

• 1:03:13Jason Bateman?

  Sean, anything on the, in the bio folder?

• 1:03:16Will Arnett?

  Oh, there we go. He's got the bio folder.

• 1:03:18Jason Bateman?

  Pull up the bio folder. And we'll put on your bifocals and anything there?

• 1:03:26Sean Hayes?

  You know, we watched

• 1:03:27Jason Bateman?

  Oh, yeah, go ahead.

• 1:03:29Will Arnett?

  Here we go. Here's a made up story.

• 1:03:31Jason Bateman?

  Oh, you know, we watched a shuttle last night and

• 1:03:34Sean Hayes?

  Oh.

• 1:03:39Sean Hayes?

  I used this one before. You know, I like to, if I'm driving around and I'm hungry and it's a Sunday and she's, Maria's having family dinner, I like to stop by for a quick bite. All right, bite. Quick bite and bye, everybody.

• 1:03:56Will Arnett?

  Fuck, we are, we are scraping the bottom.

• 1:04:28Sean Hayes?

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• 1:05:09Speaker 04

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