Armchair Anonymous: DIY Disaster

Dax and Monica talk to Armcherries! In today's episode, Armcherries tell us about DIY projects gone wrong. Follow Armchair Expert on the Wondery App or wherever you get your podcasts. Watch new content on YouTube or listen to Armchair Expert early and ad-free by joining Wondery+ in the Wondery App, Apple Podcasts, or Spotify. Start your free trial by visiting wondery.com/links/armchair-expert-with-dax-shepard/ http://www.wondery.com/links/armchair-expert-with-dax-shepard/ now. See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Speaker names marked ? are inferred from speaking time and the show’s known hosts — they are not voice-verified.

• 0:00Dax Shepard?

  Welcome, welcome, welcome to Armchair Anonymous. Today, our DIY project's gone wrong.

• 0:07Speaker 01

  Let's do it yourself.

• 0:08Dax Shepard?

  I always said this wrong. This was always a hard.

• 0:10Speaker 01

  It's hard to say.

• 0:11Dax Shepard?

  I always wanted to say D Y I.

• 0:12Speaker 01

  Sure.

• 0:13Dax Shepard?

  I famously said that in front of somebody and they corrected me and I got humiliated.

• 0:16Speaker 01

  Oh, not who? Martha Stewart?

• 0:19Dax Shepard?

  I wish.

• 0:19Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 0:20Dax Shepard?

  Yeah. I want to be humiliated by her. I'd be a sub.

• 0:24Speaker 01

  Baby girl.

• 0:25Dax Shepard?

  Yeah, I'd be her baby girl.

• 0:28Dax Shepard?

  I think everyone would.

• 0:29Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 0:30Dax Shepard?

  Okay, let's see. There's maggots and I think I gotta warn.

• 0:33Speaker 01

  Oh shit, don't say that.

• 0:35Dax Shepard?

  No, I think I gotta tell people. What other things are here?

• 0:38Speaker 02

  Blood.

• 0:39Dax Shepard?

  Blood. Yeah, blood and maggots.

• 0:45Dax Shepard?

  Please enjoy doing yourself. Project's gone wrong.

• 0:51Dax Shepard?

  We get support from Quince.

• 0:53Speaker 01

  Okay, can we talk about the fact that the holidays are already here? It's crazy. I feel like I blinked and now we're in gifting season, which I'm not really mad about because I do love giving gifts. And Quince is making it so easy to find something great for everyone on my list, including myself, because let's be honest, self-gifting is a love language.

• 1:13Dax Shepard?

  Quince is seriously the gift that keeps on giving. Their high-quality staples are made with premium materials like 100% Mongolian cashmere, 14-karat gold, and Italian leather. Full-on luxury quality at prices that won't wreck your holiday budget.

• 1:29Speaker 01

  It's the dream. The cashmere sweater, starting at $60. Down jackets, wool outerwear, cashmere accessories. You and everyone on your list are staying cozy and looking incredible all season long.

• 1:40Dax Shepard?

  Well, I'm gonna tell you this. It just got chilly for the first time this year in California and I'm so excited and I'm wearing my Quince cashmere right now.

• 1:47Speaker 01

  It's great.

• 1:48Dax Shepard?

  Yeah, and I am going to gift this to some of my friends. I hope they're not listening.

• 1:52Speaker 01

  Quince is also more than clothing. They've got fine jewelry for your significant other, leather bags for your bestie, hotel-quality bedding to set up your guest rooms, chef-grade cookware. That's an amazing thing they offer here, and it's such a good gift because people don't like buying cookware for themselves, but it's very important. And they also have five-star luggage, another good gift that people don't like buying for themselves.

• 2:14Dax Shepard?

  Give the gift of quality this holiday season. Download the Quince app for app-exclusive offers or go to quince.com. Get free shipping on your order and 365-day returns. Now available in Canada and the UK, too. And when Quince asks where you heard about them, let them know it was Armchair Expert. It's the best way to support the show. This episode is brought to you by McDonald's. The Quarter Pounder with Cheese with Medium Fries and a Drink is now $8.

• 2:45Speaker 01

  What?

• 2:46Dax Shepard?

  Okay, I need to talk about something that doesn't get enough respect. The Quarter Pounder with Cheese. This is not a casual burger. This is a crafted burger. We're talking 100% fresh beef cooked right when you order it. No artificial flavors, no fillers, no preservatives, just beef doing what beef is supposed to do. And here's a detail I love. There's a cowbell sound in the kitchen. When somebody orders a Quarter Pounder with Cheese, a cowbell goes off and the grill master throws a fresh patty down. That's like having your own entrance music at McDonald's. I want a cowbell for everything in life. The onions are hand-topped by someone who just knows the right amount. Two slices of cheese laid out in a star pattern, so every single bite gets cheese. And two pickles, side by side, so you're never in a pickle desert.

• 3:30Dax Shepard?

  Every bite is accounted for. Someone engineered this thing with love. I love a Quarter Pounder.

• 3:36Speaker 01

  Me, too. That's my order. It's a Quarter Pounder with Cheese. I love it. I didn't know they put so much effort that they did a star formation. I should have known because you can taste it when there's effort.

• 3:49Dax Shepard?

  Yeah, the love. Don't tell anyone this, but I'll put two of them back.

• 3:52Speaker 01

  Yeah, I'm not surprised.

• 3:54Dax Shepard?

  The Quarter Pounder with Cheese with Fries and a Drink, now $8 for a limited time only. Only at McDonald's. For a limited time only, prices and participation may vary. Prices may be higher in Hawaii, Alaska, and California, and for delivery. Fresh beef not available in Alaska and Hawaii. Offer not valid for delivery.

• 4:32Speaker 01

  Hello.

• 4:33Speaker 02

  Hi, how are you two?

• 4:35Dax Shepard?

  Wonderful. What a bright smile. Did you just get your teeth zoomed?

• 4:39Speaker 02

  No, you'll never believe this, but I used Arm & Hammer. I used the baking soda toothpaste.

• 4:45Speaker 01

  Of course you do.

• 4:47Speaker 02

  It's the only one that works.

• 4:48Speaker 01

  It really is, and your teeth are sparkling white.

• 4:52Speaker 02

  Thank you. That's so nice.

• 4:53Speaker 01

  I feel so validated.

• 4:55Dax Shepard?

  This has turned into a real commercial for the product.

• 4:57Speaker 01

  I mean, you asked.

• 4:59Dax Shepard?

  Okay, so Christina, where are you at?

• 5:01Speaker 02

  Right now, I'm in Phoenix, but I live in Salt Lake City normally.

• 5:05Dax Shepard?

  Okay, are you there on business?

• 5:07Speaker 02

  My boyfriend runs a local grocery store in Salt Lake. There are a bunch of food shows all over the country, which if we have time, I have an Erin Weekly story to tell about a food show.

• 5:17Dax Shepard?

  Oh, did you meet him?

• 5:18Speaker 02

  Yes, I met him at the Chicago Food Show for Ted Seeger, and I really embarrassed myself.

• 5:25Dax Shepard?

  Please tell me.

• 5:25Speaker 01

  I doubt that. Let's hear it.

• 5:27Dax Shepard?

  Was he so cute in person?

• 5:29Speaker 02

  He was so cute. We walked up, and my boyfriend obviously knows how much I love the podcast. I was so excited to meet him. We have the same birthday.

• 5:37Dax Shepard?

  J2C.

• 5:38Speaker 02

  Yeah, so we walk up, and my sister is an actress, and so I don't want to ever be starstruck. It's a very strong belief that I have. So I was trying to play cool, and I forgot how to speak English. I turned bright red. And my boyfriend was trying to be really sweet and was like, "Oh, my gosh, Christina is a huge fan of Armchair Expert." And then I got embarrassed and mad at him, like, "I'm an armcherry. I am not a fan."

• 6:09Speaker 01

  There is a distinguishable difference.

• 6:12Speaker 02

  I walked away and was like, wow, I hope I never get the opportunity to meet Daximonica. Based on that, I hope that I can actually speak. So this is already going better.

• 6:21Dax Shepard?

  I couldn't be happier that Aaron got that kind of reaction. I love it. This is a perfect story. I guarantee he'll remember because J2C is so rare and coveted.

• 6:31Speaker 02

  I didn't even get to tell him.

• 6:33Dax Shepard?

  You didn't? That would have fast-tracked you.

• 6:35Speaker 02

  Yeah, but I couldn't get it out sadly.

• 6:38Dax Shepard?

  Okay, so you have a DIY story that went poorly.

• 6:41Speaker 02

  I do. This story takes place in the fall of 2013, kind of around Halloween when I was in college. I went to a small liberal arts college in Salt Lake. My roommate and I lived in this super charming 1900s house off campus. It had these beautiful, original hardwood floors. It was just full of vintage charm. And we had no business living there, but I was a sophomore in college. And at my school, I think because there's this big religious influence in Salt Lake, I found that there's a really strong counterculture to that. And my college really leaned into that counterculture. We embraced every opportunity to run wild.

• 7:23Dax Shepard?

  Oh, God, I wish I went there.

• 7:25Speaker 02

  It was very fun. But at my school, Halloween wasn't just a fun holiday. It was the event of the year. There was an annual campus Halloween party. And it was obviously one of the most important nights of the year.

• 7:40Dax Shepard?

  It had political ramifications.

• 7:41Speaker 02

  Yes, it was the night that you would probably hook up with someone that you wouldn't normally run into. You'd have some kind of life-altering conversation that you wouldn't remember. Make some kind of decision that would haunt you. It ended up being such a mess at the school that they eventually had to shut it down. So it doesn't exist anymore. But when I was there, it was like the pinnacle of college life. You were there at the right time. Since we were broke college students, my roommate and I decided that we couldn't justify spending money on Halloween costumes. We had to DIY it, but we still obviously wanted to look perfect for this night. At this time, we were also deep in a hippie phase. We were And we loved patchouli and environmentalism and not showering to save water, all of that.

• 8:26Dax Shepard?

  Were you into jam bands?

• 8:28Speaker 02

  Oh, so into jam bands. Naturally, we decided to kind of go along with that, that we were going to go as Mother Nature to this costume party for our DIY costumes. We thought it was sexy and organic and effortless. So our plan was to just buy a huge piece of brown fabric and hot glue real leaves straight from our front yard onto the fabric and then kind of wrap ourselves in it like a toga. We thought it was cute and cheap and sustainable. The day of the party, we went into our lawn, we just scooped up huge armfuls of these kind of damp leaves that had been outside for a while. We sat cross-legged on the hardwood floor of our living room, just surrounded by piles of leaves.

• 9:11Speaker 02

  And with a hot glue gun, we ended up gluing onto the fabric one by one, these leaves. And it took basically the whole day. The hot glue gun strings are like floating all around us, we're burning our fingers. But it was Halloween and it was important. Finally, we finished right before the party was about to start. So we reached down to pick up the fabric to kind of wrap ourselves in it. And we realized that the hot glue had bonded the fabric and all of the leaves directly to this original, beautiful, pristine 1900s hardwood floor.

• 9:42Dax Shepard?

  Oh, it just leaked right through that, the sustainable fabric.

• 9:46Speaker 02

  It wasn't even just stuff, it was like completely fused.

• 9:49Speaker 01

  Oh, no.

• 9:50Dax Shepard?

  And glue loves wood, all those nooks and crannies.

• 9:54Speaker 02

  Whenever we would lift at the corners, it felt like we were pulling the hardwood floor up with the fabric. We couldn't do it. And obviously, this party was about to start and our costumes glued to the floor. So in true 19-year-old fashion, fuck it, we'll deal with this tomorrow. So we wore like flannels and suspenders and were lumberjacks or something stupid. No one knew what we were, but we didn't really care.

• 10:18Speaker 01

  I don't think they would have really understood Mother Nature also to be there.

• 10:22Dax Shepard?

  But they wouldn't have noticed the effort. Cause a lot of times you're like, I don't know what the fuck that is. But boy, did it take them a while. And I applaud that.

• 10:28Speaker 02

  I would love that reaction. And that was not what we got. But it ended up being a fun night, I think. The next day was Sunday and we were very, very hungover. And when we walked into The living room, we were like, we do not have the capacity to deal with these piles of leaves and this fused fabric. The day passed and all of a sudden, we were like back in the weekly routine.

• 10:50Dax Shepard?

  Oh, wow. Okay. So you just really keep kicking it down the road.

• 10:52Speaker 01

  I could see this.

• 10:54Speaker 02

  So we just leave it for some reason. And it turns out that the leaves that we collected that were sitting in our living room, they weren't just leaves. They were damp and decomposing, and they were filled with lots of tiny, rapidly reproducing maggots.

• 11:12Speaker 01

  Stop! No!

• 11:14Dax Shepard?

  Yeah, I was thinking snails, but maggots, that's a bit worse.

• 11:18Speaker 01

  Oh, God, ew.

• 11:22Dax Shepard?

  You basically made like a habitat in your living room for maggots.

• 11:26Speaker 02

  We kind of started to notice little wriggling things near the edges of the piles.

• 11:31Speaker 01

  Ew!

• 11:31Speaker 02

  And of course, we're like, huh, that's kind of strange, and just kind of left it.

• 11:36Dax Shepard?

  Yeah, wow.

• 11:37Speaker 02

  It got worse.

• 11:38Speaker 01

  Rapidly reproducing is the worst phrase to hear before maggots. Ew.

• 11:44Speaker 02

  Yeah, so we had a full-blown infestation. They were in the kitchen and the couch, but we had been so in our groove.

• 11:51Dax Shepard?

  Sure.

• 11:53Speaker 02

  And we were never really at home in college. Finally driven by sheer horror, we had to scrape up the glued fabric and the leaves and all of the insects. And by the time we were done, this beautiful hardwood floor was just completely scratched beyond recognition.

• 12:12Dax Shepard?

  Yeah, imagine all that dampness also could have warped everything. I mean, you really did everything bad you could do to a hardwood floor. Moisture, glue, dirt, maggots.

• 12:21Speaker 01

  Oh.

• 12:22Dax Shepard?

  It was a real fuck you to that floor, really.

• 12:24Speaker 02

  It was never the same. Through the rest of the time I lived there, we would like put a keg on top of that section. Like, well, it's already fucked. It can't get any worse.

• 12:33Dax Shepard?

  Was there a penalty at the end of all this? Did anyone get a bill?

• 12:36Speaker 02

  Oh, I'm sure we did. We lived in this house for four years. So the number of things that happened in this house.

• 12:44Speaker 01

  You're not getting your deposit back.

• 12:47Speaker 02

  No, no.

• 12:48Dax Shepard?

  Yeah, kiss that rick goodbye.

• 12:49Speaker 01

  Ew. Oh, I just hate a maggot.

• 12:52Dax Shepard?

  Could you list, Monica? Where is that in your top 10? Snakes out of your bottom, number one.

• 12:58Speaker 01

  Snakes up the bottom.

• 13:00Dax Shepard?

  Well, slithering out, no?

• 13:01Speaker 01

  They go up there.

• 13:02Dax Shepard?

  That's the worst. I guess you're right. When they slither out, you're kind of relieved, probably.

• 13:05Speaker 01

  Yeah, you didn't know they were in the.

• 13:07Dax Shepard?

  Might even tickle.

• 13:08Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 13:11Speaker 01

  Maggots might even be worse.

• 13:13Dax Shepard?

  Really?

• 13:14Speaker 01

  Yes. There's something about them and you can't get control of them and they're slimy and ugh.

• 13:20Dax Shepard?

  I think the grossest part, everyone plug your ears, that's sensitive, but the grossest part is when you step on them, then there's mayonnaise on the ground.

• 13:25Speaker 01

  Ew, why?

• 13:27Dax Shepard?

  Yeah.

• 13:28Speaker 01

  Why?

• 13:28Dax Shepard?

  I warned everyone to plug their ears. What more do you want me to do?

• 13:31Speaker 01

  You made me listen. Oh, that was so hell.

• 13:36Dax Shepard?

  Help me. Well, Christina, you sound very easygoing, pretty laid back. That liberal arts college was the right choice for you.

• 13:44Speaker 02

  The liberal arts education.

• 13:46Speaker 01

  Yeah, Hellenic Studies, baby.

• 13:49Dax Shepard?

  Hellenic Studies, Western Civ.

• 13:51Speaker 02

  This is before anxiety and adulthood kicked in, so I'm much less laid back now, but at the time it was like, anything goes.

• 13:58Dax Shepard?

  You would stress out about it at the time, but really to reduce your life to just four term papers every three months, like, that's pretty manageable. And then the rest of your time, you don't give a flying fuck about anything.

• 14:08Speaker 01

  Cags and ugh, yeah.

• 14:10Dax Shepard?

  Maggots, mayonnaise.

• 14:14Dax Shepard?

  All right, Christina, nice meeting you.

• 14:16Speaker 02

  Thank you. And I just have to say, I am so grateful that you two exist in this world and I appreciate everything that you do and so grateful that I got the opportunity to talk to you both.

• 14:26Dax Shepard?

  Us too.

• 14:26Speaker 01

  Thank you, us too.

• 14:27Dax Shepard?

  I hope I bump into you at a food show, it's possible. I'm going to one with Aaron in March or something.

• 14:32Speaker 02

  We'll probably be there.

• 14:34Dax Shepard?

  Okay, come over and lose your shit and join the J2C club.

• 14:37Speaker 02

  I got it out of my system though.

• 14:39Dax Shepard?

  Trial run.

• 14:39Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 14:40Dax Shepard?

  All right.

• 14:40Speaker 01

  Bye.

• 14:43Speaker 01

  Hello?

• 14:43Speaker 03

  Hi there, can you hear me?

• 14:45Dax Shepard?

  Oh, wonderful, cute Cure shirt.

• 14:47Speaker 01

  I agree.

• 14:48Speaker 03

  Welcome to my closet, thank you. Big fan of The Cure, so I had to represent.

• 14:51Dax Shepard?

  Me too. Robert Smith?

• 14:53Speaker 03

  Indeed.

• 14:54Dax Shepard?

  What do we know about him? He's such an enigma.

• 14:56Speaker 03

  And that's kind of his draw. There was an interesting thing when they were inducted to the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame, Trent Reznor said, "Robert Smith has curated this Robert Smith world that we can go and become whenever we want, whenever we feel a little left out or alone." And that's exactly what it represents.

• 15:12Dax Shepard?

  Yeah.

• 15:13Speaker 01

  I like that.

• 15:14Dax Shepard?

  Also falling in love. Oh my God, what good lovesick music.

• 15:17Speaker 01

  What's your favorite?

• 15:22Speaker 01

  Name that tune, Chris.

• 15:24Speaker 03

  Pictures of you.

• 15:24Dax Shepard?

  Yeah, pictures of you. Good job.

• 15:26Speaker 01

  Everyone did a great job.

• 15:28Dax Shepard?

  Yeah. What's your favorite?

• 15:29Speaker 03

  I'm a really big fan of their new album, Songs of a Lost World. Highly recommend it. It's their first album in, I think, eight years. He's getting older and some of his loved ones are passed and, you know, he's looking at mortality like we all are.

• 15:42Dax Shepard?

  Yeah, he was able to articulate heartbreak. So in your early part of your life, that was all romantic love. And now people are dying. It's just continued on the heartbreak.

• 15:49Speaker 01

  Life is hard.

• 15:50Speaker 03

  It is. You can tell a Cure fan miles away, if not the get up, at least just they have this bonhomie about them.

• 15:58Speaker 01

  Bonhomie, that was a great word.

• 16:01Speaker 03

  It's an SAT word for sure.

• 16:02Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 16:02Dax Shepard?

  Where are you at?

• 16:03Speaker 03

  I am in Northern Virginia, just outside of DC. But I have to say, originally from Michigan, Ann Arbor. The wife is from the thumb, proper farm country. So we met in Michigan and that was 20 some odd years ago.

• 16:16Dax Shepard?

  This is why he's so interesting and knowledgeable.

• 16:19Speaker 03

  Monica, and I'm not gonna leave you out. I've been to the Atlanta airport.

• 16:22Speaker 01

  Oh, I think it's that. I think it might be how cultured the airport is.

• 16:26Dax Shepard?

  Like those Holiday Inn Express commercials?

• 16:27Speaker 01

  It's very bonhomie.

• 16:29Dax Shepard?

  It's like, did you go to a Hy-Vee league? No, but I flew into Atlanta one time.

• 16:32Speaker 01

  Exactly.

• 16:34Dax Shepard?

  Okay, you have a DIY story that went awry.

• 16:36Speaker 03

  I do. So August 2019, I wanted to put up a camera on our front porch to see the comings and goings of Amazon delivery drivers and all that good stuff. And our house has a really beautiful wraparound front porch with 10-foot ceilings and like a ceiling fan and we have a porch swing and a good place to hang out when it's not stiflingly hot. But I needed to get power over to where I was putting in the camera. And I figured I would just tap right into where the junction box is for the fan. So I took the fan down. One thing to note at this point, I'm home alone. My wife and younger daughter are outrunning errands. My older daughter is in North Carolina with her friend and their family. At home, it's just me and the dog. So I get my ladder out, take the fan down, put it on the ground.

• 17:19Dax Shepard?

  I'm gonna ask a dumb dumb question, but you obviously already threw the circuit breaker?

• 17:22Speaker 03

  Of course. You're preempting something stupid that I would do, but that's for another time.

• 17:27Dax Shepard?

  Okay, okay.

• 17:27Speaker 03

  Run the bromex over. Plug in, put a GFI plug in because it's outdoors. Tested it. So now I just needed to put the fan actually back up. So I grabbed the fan and climbed the ladder. He might say 10 foot ladder. So for some reason, I didn't think or want to take the four minutes to remove the fan blades or the undermount light or anything like that. I have the top of the neck of the fan motor in my right hand. And you know, the fan blades are all banging around my body and hitting the ladder. And I just need to get the fan motor clipped into the little holder. And then I can let go of it. Then it's kind of in place. But the junction box is a bit more full because it's got a separate piece of Romex. It's got some wire nuts. So I can't quite get it into place. So I figure, oh, I'm just going to use my left hand to help push it in a little.

• 18:09Speaker 03

  However, at the bottom of the fan, there's light bulbs and a nice glass dome. Again, which I didn't take off. So I pushed my left hand on that glass dome, give it a heave. And my left hand smashes through the glass dome and a few light bulbs, slicing open my wrist.

• 18:25Speaker 03

  I scream out in pain.

• 18:29Dax Shepard?

  I'm stuck here. I didn't fall off the ladder at this point.

• 18:31Speaker 03

  I can only kind of remember climbing down the ladder. Thankfully, my wife and younger daughter had gotten home not three minutes beforehand. They were still putting away groceries in the kitchen. So I flung open the door and just yelled tall 911.

• 18:46Dax Shepard?

  You knew immediately you had cut the artery. Was that obvious?

• 18:49Speaker 03

  There's blood everywhere.

• 18:52Dax Shepard?

  Going to save five minutes. Exactly.

• 19:05Dax Shepard?

  This episode is brought to you by Dell. Gifts mean more when they have the power to give more. They can inspire more discovery, give more confidence and unwrap more of who you are. This Black Friday, give a gift that goes beyond the box. The Dell XPS 13 laptop with a beautiful design and cutting edge performance. It helps you unlock more possibilities. It's the thinnest, lightest XPS laptop yet. With touchscreen, a backlit keyboard and long lasting battery life to power you through your day. Built with a durable aluminum chassis, weighing just 2.0. Two pounds and Intel Core processors. It's fast, reliable and portable enough to keep up wherever you go. Visit dell.com to explore the possibilities of XPS.

• 19:49Dax Shepard?

  While shopping, you'll also find great perks like Dell Rewards. Fast free shipping, premium support and financing with flexible payment options. Plus you can find great deals on monitors and accessories. That means you can score a whole new setup now for less. This Black Friday sale is one you don't want to miss. Head to dell.com/deals. That's dell.com/deals.

• 20:15Dax Shepard?

  We get support from NoBull. The holidays can get hectic. You finally hit a post summer routine and suddenly you're on hosting duty every week.

• 20:26Speaker 01

  That's when you really need to ground yourself.

• 20:28Dax Shepard?

  Exactly, and that's why I keep my training routine through the holidays. It's the whole NoBull idea. There's a no bullshit training brand built around consistency, honesty and just putting in the work. It's not about adding more pressure to an already packed schedule. It's about having the gear and the habits to move through the season your way. My personal favorite, all three of the shoes are fantastic. The Outwork, the Outwork Flex and the Drive Two. I like the Drive Two because it's a hybrid and I lift of course, but I also like to do what's called box jumps.

• 20:58Speaker 01

  Ah.

• 20:59Dax Shepard?

  Right? I do a lot of jumping onto a little platform and I want a little more flexibility. And boy, do they deliver.

• 21:05Speaker 01

  And if you're a cardio person and you're running and you also need to be lifting.

• 21:09Dax Shepard?

  And the style is banging. I don't know what to say. Beautiful style, very breathable, very, very comfortable, lots of support. They were built for lifting.

• 21:17Speaker 01

  They also make a great holiday gift. You know, I love gifting, a purposeful one that actually supports someone's goals and routines. And it's not a gift that just ends up in the back of the closet.

• 21:26Dax Shepard?

  Stay stronger than the season. Head to nobullproject.com all holiday season to shop new deals every week. This episode is sponsored by BetterHelp. Every family has that one holiday tradition. Nobody actually enjoys, but everyone keeps doing because stopping it would feel like a federal offense. For me, it was a specific meal situation that I will not name because my family listens. But at some point you have to ask yourself, am I doing this because I love it? Or because I'm afraid of what happens if I don't?

• 21:57Speaker 01

  Yes, and that question applies to so much more than the holidays. I think a lot of us carry these invisible rules about how we're supposed to spend the holidays, who we're supposed to see, what it's supposed to look like. And when you start unpacking that with a therapist, you realize half of your stress is coming from rules you didn't even write.

• 22:13Dax Shepard?

  This is where BetterHelp can be a great resource during the holidays. BetterHelp does the initial matching work for you so you can focus on your therapy goals. A short questionnaire helps identify your needs and preferences, which means they typically get it right the first time. If you aren't happy with your match, switch to a different therapist at any time from their tailored recs.

• 22:32Speaker 01

  I just love therapy. I've been avoiding it recently, or not avoiding it, but I was like, oh, I'm busy, I'm busy, I'm busy. I have to cancel, cancel, cancel, but then I-

• 22:40Dax Shepard?

  You start feeling it.

• 22:41Speaker 01

  Yeah, because then I had it this past weekend and I was like, oh my God. And just thank God, thank God for her. Yeah.

• 22:48Dax Shepard?

  BetterHelp is now in-network with more than 125 health plans, with many copays as low as $15 for eligible members. And if you don't have eligible insurance or live outside the US, you can still get 20% off your first month. Sign up and get 20% off at betterhelp.com/dax. That's betterhelp, H E L P, dot com slash DAX. We get support from Superhuman. Look, I love what I do. The conversations, the ideas, the creative stuff. But there's this whole other layer of work that eats my day alive. The inbox that never ends. Docs I need to get through, threads I'm behind on. And by the time I've dealt with all of that, the stuff I actually want to focus on gets whatever's left.

• 23:32Dax Shepard?

  What I needed was something that just works where I'm already working. Not another tab to open, not another thing to set up. Superhuman Go, from the makers of Grammarly, is different. It's already right there, inside your email, your docs, your browser. You don't go to it, it's already working alongside you. You're deep in a long thread, highlight it, and it pulls the key points. About to send something important? It flags what doesn't add up before it leaves your hands. It knows your style, your workflows, and it just backs you up without getting in the way. A thought partner that's already up to speed, at your service, not after your job. So, do yourself a favor and try Superhuman Go, from the makers of Grammarly. Find out more at superhuman.com.

• 24:24Speaker 03

  So I sit down on the front porch steps and with my right hand, put pressure on the wrist. My wife comes out with 911 on the phone. They're telling her to get clean rag or clean shirt or something and just apply pressure. And an ambulance is on its way. I'm bleeding through these rags like no one's business.

• 24:41Speaker 02

  God.

• 24:42Speaker 03

  I'm lightheaded, pale, dizzy. I actually got the 911 call from the county. Oh, wow. My wife hasn't had the heart to listen to it yet. I wasn't really there. I was kind of in another space, so it was kind of fun for me to listen to. And at one point, the dispatcher asks her how bad I'm bleeding. And she said, it's dripping all over the porch. It's in bad shape. Do they suggest a tourniquet at any point? They didn't. They were just saying direct pressure. Somehow I didn't pass out, but the paramedics arrive and they quickly see that things aren't great. They're able to stem the bleeding a bit more. They wrap it up with gauze, get me loaded into the ambulance and off we go to the hospital. It's probably about a 20 minute drive to the hospital. The paramedic calls ahead to the ER just to kind of let them know what to expect. I'm still conscious.

• 25:27Speaker 03

  And then about five minutes before we get to the hospital, both the EMT and I happen to look down and the gauze is now completely red and it's dripping onto the floor of the ambulance. Without missing a beat, she puts kind of one thumb on my pressure point on the bend of my elbow. With the other hand, opens up a cabinet, grabs a tourniquet, rips it open with her teeth, puts it around my arm, cinches it tight, and that somewhat stopped at least the dripping. Phew. We get to the ER, we get into the triage room and within seconds, 20 medical professionals are there. I'm crying, I'm thinking, yeah, I'm in a lot better shape now because I'm at least at the hospital, but this is scary stuff. They strap my arm down to a board, wrist side up, start spraying it with saline. And then the next thing you know, I'm out.

• 26:12Speaker 03

  That was the last thing that I remember. I woke up hours later in a recovery room, still super groggy. I woke enough basically to say, High to my wife and then crashed again. And then the next thing I knew, I woke up at three in the morning in my hospital room and my hand is just bandaged from fingertip to elbow. But I could see that I had all my extremities, which was pretty, pretty cool.

• 26:37Dax Shepard?

  I'm thinking out loud that you were lucky that you probably landed in a hospital with a vascular surgeon.

• 26:42Speaker 03

  So one of the benefits of living in Northern Virginia is we have an amazing medical system. So it's a level one trauma, which I just learned about on the nurses.

• 26:52Dax Shepard?

  You do. We're all learning at the same speed.

• 26:54Speaker 01

  We learn so much.

• 26:55Speaker 03

  So they did have all the necessary surgeons there to perform immediate surgery. I was discharged later that afternoon. I was in crazy heavy medicine for several weeks. I had hand physical therapy for months, then some really nasty scars and a little loss of motion in my thumb. So basically what I did is when I pushed up on the globe, obviously it shattered, but I was pushing pretty hard and I cut my artery long way.

• 27:22Speaker 01

  Vertical, that's the worst.

• 27:24Speaker 03

  Exactly. So I cut my artery, several tendons and nerves. Monica, I actually sent you guys a couple of pictures.

• 27:32Speaker 01

  Oh, Lord.

• 27:33Speaker 03

  Hopefully Rob has them up. That's on the table.

• 27:34Dax Shepard?

  Okay, I'm ready for this. Oh my. Also, you were doing this project in flip flops?

• 27:39Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 27:40Dax Shepard?

  On the ladder?

• 27:42Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 27:43Dax Shepard?

  God, are we the same person? You can handle this, Monica, but my God, for the listening audience, it's a good six inches of gash. It serpentines.

• 27:51Speaker 01

  Ooh.

• 27:52Dax Shepard?

  Around into the hand, down the wrist.

• 27:55Speaker 01

  It goes in, ew.

• 27:56Dax Shepard?

  Oh.

• 27:58Speaker 01

  It's raw.

• 27:59Dax Shepard?

  My guts.

• 28:00Speaker 01

  Yeah, no one can listen to this episode.

• 28:04Speaker 03

  A slight bit of humor to the whole situation. I found out later that after I left in the ambulance and before my wife and daughter drove to the hospital, my wife took the garden hose and hosed on the front porch because there was just blood everywhere. And it's probably best because when she got home from the hospital late that night after seeing me in recovery, there was an Amazon package on the front porch. And I could only imagine what the poor Amazon delivery driver would have thought if they saw it. Would they have taken a picture of it? Or they would have been like, customer, not a Available. I just went on their way.

• 28:32Dax Shepard?

  If I were the Amazon person and I just arrived at a big pool of blood, I would open the box to see if someone had ordered bleach.

• 28:38Speaker 01

  Oh.

• 28:40Dax Shepard?

  Like if this was a murder scene and I was not conflicted in the cleanup effort.

• 28:42Speaker 01

  That's actually interesting. Do you think delivery people have an obligation to like report?

• 28:48Dax Shepard?

  Like HIPAA?

• 28:48Speaker 03

  First reporters, like school teachers.

• 28:50Speaker 01

  Yeah, we have to call 911 if we see something really bad.

• 28:54Dax Shepard?

  Chris, you're so smart. What line of work are you in?

• 28:56Speaker 01

  I know.

• 28:56Speaker 03

  I am a full-time stay-at-home dad.

• 28:59Dax Shepard?

  Oh, okay.

• 29:00Speaker 01

  Well, yeah, you gotta be smart to do that.

• 29:02Speaker 03

  I left the workforce about a year and a half ago, and I love it. Girl dad, 13 and 15. It's what works for our family, so I couldn't be happier. And I have an endless list of projects and things to do.

• 29:13Speaker 01

  Oh, God, stay away from the projects.

• 29:16Speaker 03

  We have some new rules in our house about the projects I'm allowed to do when no one is home.

• 29:22Speaker 03

  And if I get up on a ladder, I need to let someone else be there. If my wife hadn't arrived home just before it happened, I'm confident in saying that I wouldn't be here today. There's no way that I could have grabbed my phone and called 911. I just wasn't in this state. And obviously, since there was such significant bleeding, I would have probably passed out pretty quickly.

• 29:42Speaker 01

  Oh.

• 29:43Dax Shepard?

  Okay, I want to tell you a quick story. It's not to equate your injury with any kind of property damage, but I think you'll just get a kick out of it because I bought a car in 2019. The previous version of it had gone up three times and I was able to get one. I got it just for an investment. I got the entire car covered in this thin see-through wrap so that it would never get any scratches or anything. And it's just gonna sit in my garage. So I need to get my snowboard bag out of this loft above the car. And it's raining outside, so I don't want to pull the car out into the rain because then that's its own thing. And then I determine, you know, I can just get on the ladder next to the car and I can grab that bag. This is not a huge deal. What I didn't really think about was I had tracked some water in from coming from outside.

• 30:26Dax Shepard?

  I set the ladder up. So the ladder's now on some water, which I didn't really notice. And I'm pulling the snowboard bag out from on top of the car. And all of a sudden, the ladder starts slipping. And now I have this decision to make. If I fall, it's coming down on top of this car. So I have to, with all my weight, chuck the board from the air so it'll clear the car. And when I do that, I then fall off of the ladder and I shoot the ladder into the car.

• 30:58Dax Shepard?

  That I'm trying my hardest to protect. And it hits the mirror perfectly where the vinyl wrap has come together at a seam and there's a gap. My first thought when I land on the ground was like, oh, fuck, I broke my rib on my bench. Okay, oh, my arm hurts. And then I'm like, oh my God, did the ladder hit the side of the car? And I'm looking at the side of the car, no, it's fine, it's fine, it's fine. And then all of a sudden I see it and I took a fucking two inch chunk of paint out of the mirror. And I'm like, there we go. I saved myself wiping the car down and now I've got to go find a painter qualified to not take the value off.

• 31:30Speaker 03

  And you're thinking, damn it, I can get my rib replaced, but aftermarket parts are so hard to find for this car. What am I going to do?

• 31:36Dax Shepard?

  I destroyed the pristine value of this car. So yeah, I really deeply relate to just trying to save a few minutes and really fucking regretting it.

• 31:44Speaker 03

  Absolutely. It was a learning opportunity for sure because I've cut corners in the past and skated through. And this time I cut a corner and it didn't end nicely at all, but at least I'm still here.

• 31:56Dax Shepard?

  There's a dude that I've been going AA with for 22 years and his saying, and I appreciate it every single time, is cutting the corners, the quickest way to the back of the line, something like that. I've heard it a million times.

• 32:08Speaker 03

  Well, it's like cut a few noses, spite your face type of thing. Just don't do it.

• 32:11Dax Shepard?

  Yeah, you just always end up in the very back of the line. Well, Chris, delightful meeting you. I'm not shocked you're above average because you're from Michigan.

• 32:20Speaker 03

  Thank you very much, Paul. This was an absolute pleasure.

• 32:23Dax Shepard?

  All right, take care, Chris.

• 32:25Speaker 01

  I think it's something like taking a shortcut is.

• 32:27Dax Shepard?

  Fastest way to the back of the line.

• 32:29Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 32:29Dax Shepard?

  A shortcut's the fastest way to the back of the line.

• 32:32Speaker 01

  I think that's what it is.

• 32:33Dax Shepard?

  Yeah, that's it.

• 32:34Speaker 04

  Can you hear me?

• 32:35Dax Shepard?

  Beautifully. I don't want to give out your full name, Tanya, but it's criminal you're not a country western singer. That's the best country star name I've ever heard.

• 32:46Speaker 04

  I know, right? The seventies is when my name peaked. If you look at the bell curve for popularity of your name, there's not very many of us.

• 32:53Dax Shepard?

  Who was it?

• 32:54Speaker 04

  Tanya Tucker.

• 32:55Dax Shepard?

  But she wasn't famous in the seventies, was she?

• 32:57Speaker 04

  Sure she was. I'm a 75 baby like you.

• 33:00Dax Shepard?

  You're about to turn 50, when?

• 33:02Speaker 04

  This summer. I'm getting scared.

• 33:04Speaker 01

  It's gonna be great.

• 33:05Dax Shepard?

  I just got a rebrand for us. I'm stealing it from Bad Sisters. I'll acknowledge where I got it, but from now on, I'm not 50. You and I are both mid-century. Boom!

• 33:15Speaker 04

  Sounds cooler.

• 33:16Dax Shepard?

  Right? Sounds architectural. I'm mid-century. Fuck, I love it. Don't you dare, Monica. I'm gonna make shirts that say mid-century. You are? Okay.

• 33:26Speaker 04

  I'll buy one if you do.

• 33:28Dax Shepard?

  Okay, great. Three customers. Three customers. Hey, we have a wide net. This is great. I'll wear it. She's really relishing in her age privilege, isn't she? What a bitch with her fresh eggs. They're not fresh. They're old and stinky and huge.

• 33:46Speaker 04

  It happens to all of us.

• 33:47Dax Shepard?

  Where are you, Tanya?

• 33:49Speaker 04

  I am in Utah, in a oral surgery office of the man that this story is about. I'm working for my dad today.

• 33:57Dax Shepard?

  Is he a periodontist?

• 33:59Speaker 04

  He is an oral surgeon. He pulls teeth. Perio, I think, is about gums. He still works. He's 84 years old.

• 34:06Dax Shepard?

  Wow.

• 34:07Speaker 04

  And he works on a semi-retired schedule. He's just finishing up his afternoon nap.

• 34:12Dax Shepard?

  Oh, what a stud. This is great. Okay, hit us with your DIY story that went awry.

• 34:17Speaker 04

  Okay, so this is a landscaping DIY disaster. A few things about my dad that you need to know is that he is a genius. But this is usually what gets him in trouble. He knows how to do things. He knows how to figure them out if he doesn't. He is big on self-sufficiency. His parents were World War II age. That's another thing about his brilliance is he skipped out on the last year of college when he took his entrance exam into dental school because his scores were so high that they admitted him immediately. My dad has only ever paid for landscaping once in his life, and that was in the last 10 years. At 85, he still maintains five acres of land, and my mom, who's 80, mows the lawn. He will spend a dollar to save a penny.

• 35:01Speaker 04

  He's that kind of a person. And the same goes for his time. He will work an idea 100 times over. He's very persistent. He does not give up. Also, the last thing you need to know about our family is Saturday chore day was an all-day thing. If you stayed the night at somebody's house, you had to be back in time for chores. If somebody stayed the night at your house, they either needed to leave or help out. There are eight kids in our family.

• 35:26Dax Shepard?

  This is all screaming Mormon, the industriousness, the eight kids. Yes, okay.

• 35:31Speaker 04

  We are Mormon. Yeah, we're in Utah right now.

• 35:33Dax Shepard?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 35:34Speaker 04

  But this story does not take place in Utah. I was raised in the Central Valley of California, San Joaquin Valley, outside of Fresno. This is 96, maybe. I'm home from college. My dad had a job for us to do for the summer. It included my older brother who was in college, myself and my younger sister who is in college. So this is probably May. And we had a newish house. We had built a pool the summer before and now my dad is trying to landscape the backyard. In digging our pool, we found out that there is about 12 to 18 inches of what's called hardpan. It's thick, concrete-like soil. You can't penetrate it. You can use a pickaxe all you want. You're never going to get to the bottom of it. But there is an orange grove in

• 36:16Speaker 04

  the back of our property. So how the heck did they get their trees planted? He finds out that you can get an ag permit for dynamite.

• 36:23Dax Shepard?

  Oh, perfect. Now we're talking.

• 36:26Speaker 04

  In the two acres that we have, he would need to plant 60 trees. So he figures out the recipe. He researches how to do it. He knows where to get all the stuff. It's getting close to blasting day. We had to rent an auger.

• 36:40Dax Shepard?

  Sure, you gotta drill a hole and dump the dynamite in there?

• 36:43Speaker 04

  We had to put like 30 inches down into the ground. That took three days to do all 60 holes. And it's blasting day. My dad took off work. He never takes off work. The only reason I know he took off work is that my two younger siblings were at school and my youngest sister was home with a chicken pox. We start in the far, far back part of our property, two acres. So, pretty far. We put one scoop in. One scoop was about the size of a paint can, a small quart. My brother lights it. We all run and there is a kaboom, like a howitzer cannon kaboom. So it was a little bit anticlimactic and no earth moved at all.

• 37:22Dax Shepard?

  Okay.

• 37:22Speaker 04

  It just shot straight out of it like a cannon. So dad being a Mr. Scientist, he treated it like a science experiment. We changed one thing. We adjust. So some of the things we tried was stuffing it with a blanket to make it push out like a firecracker. We tried chicken wire in a blanket. We tried a big, huge boulder. Things weren't working. So now we're increasing the number of scoops. We go to two. We finally get up to three.

• 37:48Dax Shepard?

  Oh, great.

• 37:49Speaker 01

  This is like when you take too many drugs because the drugs haven't hit you.

• 37:53Dax Shepard?

  Yes, yes. And you're impatient.

• 37:54Speaker 04

  We're up to three scoops in the hole. My mom calls my brother and my sister and I that were home from college. We had to leave for an eye doctor appointment. We take off.

• 38:02Speaker 01

  Uh oh.

• 38:03Speaker 04

  At the last second, she makes my little sister with the chicken pox come with us. She didn't want to leave dad experimenting with dynamite with a sick little girl inside. So he's doing it all by himself. We come home, country roads, everybody has a couple acres, and we're at our neighbor's house and there are dirt clods everywhere.

• 38:23Dax Shepard?

  Oh.

• 38:24Speaker 04

  And the closer we get to our house, there's more.

• 38:29Speaker 04

  And my heart starts beating. We're getting scared. The closer we get to the driveway to the house, it's so much that my brother just undoes the van door, huge Mormon van door, by the way. And we bolt out of there and we just head towards the back of the property. And we're looking for body parts, honestly, like, where is dad?

• 38:49Speaker 01

  Oh, no.

• 38:59Dax Shepard?

  We get support from ZipRecruiter. Oh, get recruiting. So I went down this rabbit hole the other day on real holiday jobs that exist and I couldn't stop. Somebody out there is hiring a ham glazer, a professional ham glazer. Another place is hiring a lead elf, implying a whole hierarchy of elves I had never even considered. Here's the thing, these jobs need real skills. People like that are hard to find. And whether you're hiring for one of these roles or any other role, the best way to find qualified people who are genuinely excited about your role is on ZipRecruiter. And right now, you can try it for free at ziprecruiter.com/dax. Plus, ZipRecruiter has a new feature that shows you the most interested

• 39:43Dax Shepard?

  qualified candidates first, so you meet the right people faster. No wonder ZipRecruiter is the number one rated hiring site based on G2. Let ZipRecruiter find the right people for your roles, seasonal or otherwise. Try it for free today at ziprecruiter.com/dax. That's ziprecruiter.com/dax. Meet your match on ZipRecruiter.

• 40:07Dax Shepard?

  This episode is supported by Helix.

• 40:10Speaker 01

  Okay, can we talk about how November is basically survival mode? Between the holidays, the travel, the hosting, the cooking, the everything. Sleep is the one thing keeping me from completely unraveling.

• 40:21Dax Shepard?

  It really is the foundation, and I think people underestimate how much a bad mattress is quietly ruining their day. You wake up stiff, your back's angry, you're already behind before your feet hit the floor.

• 40:32Speaker 01

  That was me before Helix. I took their sleep quiz, which is so fast. It took me like two minutes and they matched me to a mattress that actually fits how I sleep. Not a guess, not a firm or soft coin flip, it's a real match. I have a midnight mattress and I really like it. I was noticing it because I actually had to sleep in one of my other beds.

• 40:49Dax Shepard?

  Okay.

• 40:49Speaker 01

  Recently.

• 40:50Dax Shepard?

  Yeah.

• 40:50Speaker 01

  That doesn't have a Helix mattress on it and I really could tell a big difference in my sleep.

• 40:54Dax Shepard?

  Temperature was all over the map.

• 40:56Speaker 01

  It was a mess.

• 40:56Dax Shepard?

  Yeah.

• 40:57Speaker 01

  I need a new one.

• 40:57Dax Shepard?

  Look, they've got over 20 mattress models. So whether you sleep hot, need extra back support, or you've got a partner who moves around all night, there's one built for you. Plus free shipping and a 365 night happy with Helix guarantee. That's a full year to decide.

• 41:12Speaker 01

  Helix has been named the most awarded mattress by Forbes, Wired and more. So it's not just us being enthusiastic, the experts agree.

• 41:19Dax Shepard?

  Right now, Helix is running their Black Friday sale with up to 30% off. Go to helixsleep.com/armchair for up to 30% off your Helix mattress. That's helixsleep.com/armchair for up to 30% off your Helix mattress. helixsleep.com/armchair. We get support by Peloton. You know that feeling when you're spiraling over a problem and you just can't figure it out? When that happens to me, I need a change of pace and I've found that running is the best way. It takes my brain out of the driver's seat and I come back with a fresh perspective. Running can be freeing and cathartic and Peloton helps you feel all of that. And now that feeling fits wherever you need it with the new Peloton Tread Flex.

• 42:03Dax Shepard?

  It's movable and foldable, designed to fit your life. So next time you feel stuck, you can go for a run literally anywhere, whether that's in your office, living room, or even the attic. Plus they have classes with expert instructors and programs to meet you at any level and keep you moving. Let yourself run. Explore the new Peloton Tread Flex at onepeloton.com.

• 42:34Speaker 04

  So the hole back there is massive.

• 42:39Dax Shepard?

  New swimming pool?

• 42:40Speaker 04

  Exactly. New spa. Dax, you could lay in the bottom of it with your arms outstretched and just be fine.

• 42:47Dax Shepard?

  Wow.

• 42:48Speaker 04

  Wow.

• 42:48Dax Shepard?

  A foxhole. Yeah.

• 42:50Speaker 04

  Then we hear some laughter coming from the inside of the house and my other sisters were in there with my mom and we go inside. My brother and I run over there. My dad is laying on the bed of his bedroom. There's a tarp on the floor. There's a ladder set up. There's a bucket of tools and a 12 inch hole in the ceiling.

• 43:08Dax Shepard?

  What?

• 43:09Speaker 04

  With a rock.

• 43:10Dax Shepard?

  Oh, that shot up and came down?

• 43:12Speaker 04

  Yep.

• 43:15Dax Shepard?

  Now he's repairing the brew.

• 43:16Speaker 04

  It came through the house.

• 43:18Dax Shepard?

  And then came, God, lucky it didn't come down on him.

• 43:22Speaker 04

  It took about two weeks for him to finally tell the story. He was telling some tall tales all along the way. He was saying things like, oh, an alien must have come and tried to get me and the laser beam shot through the roof. Or I was kicking and screaming when the aliens were trying to get me and I kicked a hole in the roof. He's a little rascal. He has a lot of different tall tales he tells and aliens is a favorite of his. A go to. About two weeks later at family dinner, he finally fessed up to the whole story with the three scoops in the hole, the boulder nearby. He had remembered there are these things called boosters or blasting caps that fit over the detonator and it gives you maximum explosion with minimal amount of dynamite.

• 44:06Dax Shepard?

  This is Nobel, the Nobel Peace Prize. He invented that blasting cap. So much of the earth was destroyed by his invention. He felt like he should take the money and give back and that's what the Nobel Peace Prize is from.

• 44:18Speaker 04

  Oh, wow. He gets those from the safe. He kept them separate. He lights it, runs back about 100 feet and this time it was kaboom. The sound waves knocked him flat on his back. And he is being pelted by all of these little dirt clods all around him and he comes to and he sees the rock up in the sky and the rock is pretty big, maybe 24 inches, splits in two, one lands in the orange grove behind our house and the other just gets swallowed up into the house.

• 44:53Speaker 04

  Oh my.

• 44:54Dax Shepard?

  Talk about saving a little money on a professional and then now you gotta replace part of the roof.

• 44:58Speaker 04

  Yeah, he never had anybody fix it. He tried to fix it himself that afternoon before we got home, but it was time for a nap, just like he loves. And he does his best thinking in nap time.

• 45:10Dax Shepard?

  How did the remaining 59 holes get blasted?

• 45:13Speaker 04

  So we did finish up. We ended up only needing a third of a scoop through trial and error. I am shocked that we didn't blow all the windows out of our house from that first one because the rattle was so big. My brother heard it about a mile away after school and he was just like, what is going on? Our neighbors called the cops on us, but he had a permit. He showed that cop exactly what he had. Carry on, sir. Mind your own business.

• 45:40Dax Shepard?

  It looks like you've got it.

• 45:42Speaker 04

  We've got things under control here. And I think it was kind of exciting, too. She was mad because her horses were losing their mind.

• 45:48Dax Shepard?

  Probably pretty frightening.

• 45:49Speaker 04

  We did get a twofer in that whole thing because that big old pit turned into a fire pit. Oh. All of our friends started calling him Dr. Boom Boom. That's so funny. That's a great story.

• 46:03Dax Shepard?

  Yeah, I'm glad everyone was away from the house.

• 46:05Speaker 04

  Let me see if he's around. If you would like to meet this mad scientist.

• 46:09Dax Shepard?

  Yeah, yeah, let's see if he's awake.

• 46:10Speaker 04

  Give me one second. You gotta come right now.

• 46:14Dax Shepard?

  Dick, get in here.

• 46:15Speaker 04

  Here he is.

• 46:16Dax Shepard?

  Yes.

• 46:17Speaker 04

  Hello.

• 46:18Dax Shepard?

  Hi. You left out that he's very handsome, too.

• 46:21Speaker 04

  Oh, yes, he is.

• 46:24Dax Shepard?

  I want to thank you for blowing up your entire yard and sending a rock into your roof because it made for a great story for us.

• 46:31Speaker 04

  When I told him we were gonna do this, he said, I'll ask him if he wants to go for round two. Do you have any holes that need to be dug?

• 46:39Dax Shepard?

  Once I get to Nashville, yeah, I might call on your services. Once a Paco maniac, always a Paco maniac.

• 46:47Dax Shepard?

  Great meeting both of you. Tanya, thank you for telling us that story. That was great.

• 46:51Speaker 04

  No problem. Glad to share it.

• 46:53Dax Shepard?

  All right. Take care, you guys.

• 46:56Speaker 01

  Oh, fathers are funny.

• 46:59Dax Shepard?

  We're all kind of the same.

• 47:00Speaker 01

  You are all the same and you're always trying to play with your trinkets and put trinkets up. You call them tools, but really they're trinkets.

• 47:08Dax Shepard?

  Sure. That whole story is appealing. I would love to get the permit and I'd love to have an excuse to use dynamite. I've always wanted to. Rob, have you wanted to be able to blast dynamite?

• 47:19Speaker 03

  Absolutely. I mean, I've shot firecrackers a lot.

• 47:21Dax Shepard?

  Yeah, M80s and quarter sticks. You're always looking for a quarter stick in Michigan.

• 47:26Speaker 01

  What's a quarter stick?

• 47:27Dax Shepard?

  Quarter stick of dynamite.

• 47:29Speaker 01

  Hi.

• 47:30Dax Shepard?

  Are you Chris?

• 47:31Speaker 05

  Yes.

• 47:31Dax Shepard?

  Oh, wonderful.

• 47:32Speaker 01

  Short for Christine or Christina?

• 47:34Speaker 05

  Yes.

• 47:35Dax Shepard?

  Cause we had another Chris today and I said, wow, double Chris is.

• 47:39Speaker 01

  One of my best friend's name is Chris, short for Christina.

• 47:42Dax Shepard?

  An Atlanta friend?

• 47:43Speaker 01

  Uh huh. With a K, but you're with a C?

• 47:46Speaker 05

  C H, yeah.

• 47:47Dax Shepard?

  So where in Canada are you?

• 47:48Speaker 05

  B C, outside of Vancouver.

• 47:50Dax Shepard?

  Okay, so you have a DIY story that went bad.

• 47:53Speaker 05

  Technically, my husband was supposed to be telling the story. He was the one who experienced it. I will admit I was the catalyst.

• 48:03Dax Shepard?

  Okay, we've been down this road already. Yeah, yeah.

• 48:07Speaker 05

  I am just the designer and he is the planner, which after you hear the story, that is now shifted. I am now both.

• 48:14Dax Shepard?

  Okay.

• 48:15Speaker 05

  We moved into our house in 2019 and we're in a townhouse row. So we're like the first six and then the entire complex is behind us. I'm a cleaner. I hate baseboards. The old schooled ones with the grooves, I don't want to get in there. I wanted a more modern block. Make it nice and simple for me. So we removed all the old crappy baseboards. It's a bit of an investment to obviously put back into your home. So we started off very small. I'm like, let's just do the bathrooms and then we'll eventually get to the rest of it. So I tasked my husband with the downstairs bathroom as I'm away at work. And this bathroom

• 48:57Speaker 05

  shares a wall with our hot water tank.

• 49:01Dax Shepard?

  Okay.

• 49:02Speaker 05

  So my husband starts nailing the baseboard to the bottom. Prior to this, he does turn off the water that's by the toilet tanks. He's making his way around and now he gets to the wall that shared the closet hot water tank. Pierces the wall.

• 49:20Dax Shepard?

  He's using a nail gun.

• 49:21Speaker 05

  Yeah, water starts to come out of the wall, like pressurized water. He's immediately feet up. It's quite a small space that he could at least put some pressure on it. He's like, I turned off the water. I don't get why this is happening. He calls me while I'm at work and he's like, you need to come home. Something's gone wrong. And I'm like, you dropped me off at work this morning. We have one vehicle. I'm sorry, you're on your.

• 49:51Dax Shepard?

  Also, we don't have time with water gushing everywhere for anyone to come home from work. We've got to turn off the main water here.

• 49:57Speaker 05

  Exactly. So thankfully, our neighbor, he has the key to our six row utility closet goes to turn off the water. And he's like, why isn't the water stopping? We get a plumber out and they come to turn off the main water to our six houses that we can't get to. Is water still gushing out? It stopped at this point.

• 50:20Dax Shepard?

  My guess is it ran for a while after because he punctured the hot water heater, which holds like a hundred gallons of water. So it was gonna leak long after the water supply was turned off.

• 50:31Speaker 05

  It wasn't our water tank that he hit. So the water's just off for the night. It's 5:00 PM at this point. Our six houses, nobody has water. Oh, I'd be so pissed.

• 50:41Dax Shepard?

  I would too. My neighbor, I'm like, hey, you're not qualified to do this. Now none of us have water.

• 50:45Speaker 05

  Yeah. Yeah. Husband comes to pick me up from work. I'm like, we need to give them a jug of water and a little like gift card. We've literally just met these people. Yeah, not a great look. We've got somebody coming in the next day. Plumber comes, fixes it. They go to turn the main water back on and it's still pressurized. He goes, we have to turn off the main water again. And we're like, okay, great. He goes to turn it off. And he breaks the valve.

• 51:15Dax Shepard?

  Oh, wow. Okay.

• 51:17Speaker 05

  So now we have to call the city to get them to turn off the water to all sixty five homes.

• 51:25Speaker 01

  No.

• 51:26Speaker 05

  Behind us.

• 51:28Speaker 01

  Oh, no.

• 51:29Dax Shepard?

  Just keeps growing in the whole town, doesn't it?

• 51:31Speaker 01

  Exactly.

• 51:32Speaker 05

  Usually twenty four seventy two hours in advance gives you notice that they're turning off water. It was immediate because Trav is trying to figure this out with the plumber who just broke the valve. He didn't contact Strata for like three hours after this happened. So they're getting phone calls, emails, what the heck's happening? Why is our water turned off? What we thought was going to be, I think, maybe twelve hours without water was close to like twenty hours without water. So then the city comes out the next day, they fix it. So we're like, whoo, great. Everybody gets their water back on. Then we get another plumber to come back in. He actually tells us that the way our house was originally built,

• 52:15Speaker 05

  they did not put that main water line buried far enough down in the ground. So if he would have punctured our water line, we would have been able to turn it off, fix it. He would have been able to put it on, no problem. But because it wasn't buried enough in the cement, he hit the whole.

• 52:32Dax Shepard?

  The water main.

• 52:33Speaker 05

  Exactly. And so we still do not have baseboard to this day. We've been in this house for five years because I'm just traumatized. I don't want to puncture anything.

• 52:42Dax Shepard?

  How fucked up was the ground underneath?

• 52:45Speaker 05

  Oh, we had to like jackhammer, pull it out, dry it out. It was like two days of that plumber coming in and out of our house.

• 52:52Speaker 01

  What a disaster, just for some baseboards.

• 52:55Dax Shepard?

  I mean, the theme of all these is like, we're all trying to save a few bucks and ends up costing way more than having someone else come in and just do it.

• 53:03Speaker 01

  I don't mean to pat myself on the back, but I don't suffer from this.

• 53:08Dax Shepard?

  Yeah, you really shine.

• 53:10Speaker 01

  I am very fast to just ask someone to please come take care of, in fact, everything.

• 53:16Speaker 05

  Bless my husband, I feel like he wants to be handy. He's techie. That's his domain. I'm like, you stay there.

• 53:23Speaker 01

  You gotta know your lane in this life.

• 53:26Dax Shepard?

  A man's got to know his limitations.

• 53:27Speaker 01

  A woman too. Oh, he said that?

• 53:31Dax Shepard?

  Yeah.

• 53:31Speaker 01

  Yeah, know your lane.

• 53:32Dax Shepard?

  More men need to really, like, they're taking bigger swings.

• 53:35Speaker 01

  Yeah, I guess so.

• 53:36Dax Shepard?

  Let me just listen to some of the previous callers.

• 53:38Speaker 01

  It's true.

• 53:39Speaker 05

  I am just so, so excited to hear some of these other ones.

• 53:44Speaker 01

  Oh, wow.

• 53:45Dax Shepard?

  Well, dynamite makes an appearance.

• 53:46Speaker 01

  It does.

• 53:47Dax Shepard?

  You should know that. Someone decided they were qualified to use dynamite because they were able to get a permit for it.

• 53:53Speaker 05

  That is wild. But yeah, that is our first experience in our home.

• 53:57Dax Shepard?

  So sorry.

• 53:58Speaker 05

  I feel like we were laughing about it in the moment because how do you not? I just couldn't believe that it literally went from a tiny hole to like, now we have to call the city.

• 54:06Dax Shepard?

  Well, I think the silver lining is that this all took place in Canada. Because if you had 60 American neighbors without water, I think someone would have come to your house to fight.

• 54:15Speaker 05

  Thank you.

• 54:15Dax Shepard?

  Chris, lovely meeting you. We love our Canadian neighbors so much and our Canadian Armcherrys.

• 54:21Speaker 05

  I have to give a shout out to my bestie Cora, who also listens, and my sisters, they all love you. Dax, I do have to give a special. My one sister, she's just like, please tell him I love him.

• 54:32Dax Shepard?

  What's her name?

• 54:33Speaker 05

  Amanda.

• 54:33Dax Shepard?

  Amanda, I love you back.

• 54:35Speaker 05

  She will love that.

• 54:37Speaker 05

  You guys are such a great example of what a friendship is. You guys just hold space for each other, even when you don't agree. Thank you for demonstrating that.

• 54:47Dax Shepard?

  Aw, thank you.

• 54:48Speaker 01

  That's very kind.

• 54:49Speaker 05

  Monica, your eye rolls.

• 54:50Speaker 01

  Can't help it.

• 54:51Speaker 05

  I also have been told that mine are pretty epic, so I'm always just like, yeah, girl, like, you get it.

• 54:58Dax Shepard?

  Thank you so much. It was great meeting you.

• 55:00Speaker 05

  Thank you. It was great meeting you guys.

• 55:02Dax Shepard?

  All right, take care. I'm gonna do these things. I didn't learn a lesson. I just want you to know. I will still be trying to do all my own home improvement.

• 55:10Speaker 01

  DIY, that was a good one.

• 55:11Dax Shepard?

  Yeah.

• 55:12Speaker 01

  All right, love you.

• 55:12Dax Shepard?

  Love you.

• 55:15Speaker 06

  Do you want to sing a tune or something? We have a theme song.

• 55:17Dax Shepard?

  Oh, okay, great.

• 55:20Speaker 06

  We don't have a theme song for this new show, so here I go, go, go. We're gonna ask some random questions and with the help of Armcherrys, we'll get some suggestions. On the fly, rhyme dish. On the fly, rhyme dish. Enjoy.