Ep 585 - Son of a Governor

Support the D. A. W. G. Z. @ patreon.com/MSsecretpod Go See Matt Live @ mattmccusker.com/dates Go See Shane Live @ shanemgillis.com Go See Shawn Gardini Live if you want @ https://www.shawngardini.com/live hello. Hope you're all having a good week so far. The D. A. W. G. Z. have reunited, they created a podcast just for you, and lord ... it's a hot one. Hope the rest of your week goes well :) Please enjoy. God Bless. $45 off Carver Mat https://on.auraframes.com/MSSP Visit https://prizepicks.onelink.me/DRENCHED and use code DRENCHED and get $50 in lineups when you play your first $5 lineup! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Speaker names marked ? are inferred from speaking time and the show’s known hosts — they are not voice-verified.

• 0:00Speaker 00

  Wild, Wild West.

• 0:02Matt McCusker?

  Yes.

• 0:02Speaker 02

  Hello.

• 0:03Matt McCusker?

  Hey, what's up dude?

• 0:04Speaker 02

  Nothing.

• 0:05Matt McCusker?

  Dude, can we all make an agreement just to like grow all of our hair together?

• 0:08Speaker 02

  Damn, I'll look fucking crazy.

• 0:10Matt McCusker?

  You look so sick dude. If you went full, if you went like Val Kilmer.

• 0:14Speaker 02

  It wouldn't be valid. I'm bald up front dude. I could get a Tony Soprano, I could go slick back. I'd go bald slick back.

• 0:22Matt McCusker?

  That'd be nice.

• 0:23Speaker 02

  When I get out of the shower, I do it.

• 0:25Matt McCusker?

  You slick it up?

• 0:25Speaker 02

  I go, oh, this doesn't look so bad.

• 0:28Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, I'm telling you, a slick back is terrible.

• 0:30Speaker 02

  Smitty Dety, it looks good.

• 0:32Matt McCusker?

  Pull your pants up high. Yeah, like a, one of those dressy kinda t-shirts.

• 0:35Speaker 02

  But then I'm naked and I see my penis and I go, I'll never be Tony, I'm always gonna be AJ with this fucking.

• 0:42Speaker 02

  God damn it, I'm always gonna be a tiny, teeny man.

• 0:47Matt McCusker?

  I guess Tony definitely had the.

• 0:48Speaker 02

  Tony had a hog dude.

• 0:49Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, true.

• 0:52Matt McCusker?

  That'd be funny if that was like the real thing, the real finale of the whole season or the whole thing. He goes into the bathroom.

• 0:58Speaker 02

  You got pants at the diner?

• 0:59Matt McCusker?

  Oh, Tony, what the hell?

• 1:02Speaker 02

  Tony had a penis this whole time.

• 1:03Matt McCusker?

  Got a dick like an Irishman.

• 1:05Speaker 02

  You're not the boss anymore.

• 1:07Matt McCusker?

  He just goes, takes a pee and looks at his pants and just shows it.

• 1:12Speaker 02

  And the screen goes black?

• 1:14Matt McCusker?

  Don't stop.

• 1:17Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:18Matt McCusker?

  No way, Tony's got a fat fucking dick.

• 1:20Speaker 02

  Yeah, Tony had a fat hog. You could tell.

• 1:22Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, for sure.

• 1:23Speaker 02

  You could tell.

• 1:24Matt McCusker?

  He was the boss.

• 1:24Speaker 02

  He was the boss. Obviously you have a fat dong.

• 1:27Matt McCusker?

  He's obviously the boss. Tall guys naturally the boss. I was researching that this week. Dude, tall guys make more than short guys. Like a hundred fifty thousand dollars more over thirty year period average. They just get paid more money.

• 1:39Speaker 02

  Sick.

• 1:39Matt McCusker?

  You just see a tall guy, you go, yeah, you're the boss. There's something inside of all of us that go, tall guys get paid the most.

• 1:45Speaker 02

  Yeah, that's why they got George Washington.

• 1:46Matt McCusker?

  Yeah.

• 1:47Speaker 02

  He couldn't, he didn't even speak. And they were like, dude, you're the president.

• 1:50Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, man.

• 1:51Speaker 02

  He didn't talk at the fucking first Continental Congress.

• 1:53Matt McCusker?

  No, he's just tall as hell.

• 1:54Speaker 02

  They were just like, dude, you gotta be. He did wear his military uniform, so everyone was like.

• 1:58Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, that's kinda boss.

• 1:59Speaker 02

  Everyone else is dressed like Quaker Oats guy. Kinda gay.

• 2:04Speaker 02

  High socks and shit.

• 2:05Matt McCusker?

  He rolled up.

• 2:05Speaker 02

  He rolled up.

• 2:06Matt McCusker?

  What's up, man?

• 2:06Speaker 02

  Full military.

• 2:07Matt McCusker?

  What did he just been involved in before that?

• 2:10Speaker 02

  He was in the French Indian.

• 2:11Matt McCusker?

  French Indian, I thought it was some French stuff.

• 2:13Speaker 02

  And then he was trying to become a British officer. He just kept getting passed up because he was an American. And he like slowly started.

• 2:20Matt McCusker?

  Oh, he was like an OG American?

• 2:21Speaker 02

  Yeah, and he slowly started presenting them going like, damn dude.

• 2:25Matt McCusker?

  Who, why can we never hear about his?

• 2:26Speaker 02

  Discriminating?

• 2:26Matt McCusker?

  Why you never hear about his parents? You never hear about George Washington's daddy or mommy?

• 2:30Speaker 02

  That's true.

• 2:31Matt McCusker?

  You know what I'm saying? You're not Martha.

• 2:33Speaker 02

  I think they gay, I think he was the heir to Mount Vernon. I could be wrong.

• 2:39Matt McCusker?

  I'd never heard about his parents, man. So they must have been British.

• 2:42Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 2:42Matt McCusker?

  And he was one of the, yeah, he was like the original American. He's the ultimate patriot.

• 2:46Speaker 02

  I think he was born in Virginia.

• 2:48Matt McCusker?

  What?

• 2:49Speaker 02

  Augustine, Washington.

• 2:51Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, because I know his family.

• 2:53Speaker 02

  Wait, his dad might have been born in Virginia.

• 2:56Matt McCusker?

  What?

• 2:56Speaker 02

  Damn. His dad got, wow.

• 3:01Speaker 02

  His dad was born in sixteen ninety-four in Virginia.

• 3:04Matt McCusker?

  Whoa.

• 3:05Speaker 02

  Damn.

• 3:06Matt McCusker?

  That's crazy.

• 3:07Speaker 02

  Washington rules.

• 3:08Matt McCusker?

  Because I feel like the, like, that's getting close to the point where they just like in the very beginning, they just threw a bunch of criminals here.

• 3:13Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 3:13Matt McCusker?

  Where like, yo, fucking figure it out. So his daddy was either the governor?

• 3:18Speaker 02

  I'm not sure. He's, he might have been the son of a governor.

• 3:21Matt McCusker?

  Son of a governor, because it'd be like one governor. You would come here in like the sixteen hundreds and you'd be the governor and your all, your whole town would be shitty criminals.

• 3:29Speaker 02

  Yeah, it'd be a bunch of wooden pikes. Like, you had the one house and everyone was in mud dying. Yeah, we need more fucking poor guys from England.

• 3:38Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, really. They sent them prostitutes for once.

• 3:42Speaker 02

  He was just a planter and merchant.

• 3:43Matt McCusker?

  Whoa. Okay.

• 3:45Speaker 02

  Planter is a nice way to say it.

• 3:47Matt McCusker?

  A planter?

• 3:48Speaker 02

  Yeah. He was just a lowly planter.

• 3:53Speaker 02

  Well, that's good stuff.

• 3:54Matt McCusker?

  I wonder if he had any help? Because I know that Washington's had himself some help.

• 3:57Speaker 02

  I think he went to ZipRecruiter.

• 4:04Matt McCusker?

  Powerful technology made them an excellent match.

• 4:06Speaker 02

  ZipRecruiter dot com and found some matches across the pond.

• 4:11Matt McCusker?

  Damn, well, again, aside from that, shout out George Washington for leading this country to independence. Shame on him for what he did elsewise, you know? Having his slaves.

• 4:21Speaker 02

  Whatever.

• 4:22Matt McCusker?

  I would have went back in time. Well, if you had to go back in time.

• 4:26Speaker 02

  Honestly.

• 4:29Speaker 02

  Whatever, dude.

• 4:32Matt McCusker?

  I guess no one's ever asked the question, you guys don't have to answer this, but no one's ever asked anyone, if you had a time machine, would you go back in time and stop slavery, or would you stop Hitler? It's a tough choice. You would do both? How so?

• 4:50Matt McCusker?

  What the hell? The technology doesn't even exist.

• 4:53Speaker 02

  It's one-time use, dude.

• 4:53Matt McCusker?

  It's one-time use.

• 4:54Speaker 00

  You gotta have it.

• 4:55Matt McCusker?

  It's a throwaway, it's a throwaway.

• 4:56Speaker 00

  Throwaway time machine?

• 4:57Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, you gotta find another one.

• 4:58Speaker 00

  Multiple time machines?

• 4:59Speaker 02

  No, there's just no way back out, you gotta stay back in whatever time it is.

• 5:03Speaker 00

  What am I doing?

• 5:04Speaker 02

  How the fuck do you stop slavery?

• 5:06Matt McCusker?

  I guess you have to go to the dawn of time.

• 5:07Speaker 02

  Yeah, it started at like...

• 5:09Matt McCusker?

  Yeah. Okay.

• 5:11Speaker 02

  The beginning.

• 5:11Matt McCusker?

  You can stop it in America, or stop Hitler?

• 5:16Speaker 02

  I don't know.

• 5:17Matt McCusker?

  I know, it's tough. No one wants to answer a question on record, it's kinda, you know, you're not gonna make any friends.

• 5:21Speaker 00

  The worst part, I'm not gonna answer.

• 5:23Speaker 02

  Yeah, I think we know.

• 5:24Speaker 00

  The worst part to answer though is like, say you say slavery, right? And then, but then you think about like, well, will America exist?

• 5:32Speaker 02

  Oh god, yes, obviously yes.

• 5:34Speaker 00

  Is it, is it?

• 5:35Speaker 02

  Yes, obviously yes.

• 5:37Speaker 00

  No, you're saying it like it's just, you think it's that simple?

• 5:40Speaker 02

  Would we exist?

• 5:41Speaker 00

  We would exist.

• 5:45Speaker 02

  This place, we'd have, we'd have more time machines, this place. This place, we'd be, we'd have flying cars!

• 5:53Matt McCusker?

  Guys, forget to ask this question, it's a bad question, alright?

• 5:56Speaker 02

  We'd be living on Mars by now, dude.

• 5:59Speaker 00

  That's a great question! Free, that was free labor, it was helping us grow, economy-wise.

• 6:04Speaker 02

  Economy-wise? I'm putting the mic down. No, no, no, no, no, I need you involved.

• 6:09Matt McCusker?

  Nate will never know, Nate will never know.

• 6:10Speaker 02

  I need you involved.

• 6:13Matt McCusker?

  I feel like an idiot for asking, alright?

• 6:15Speaker 02

  No, it's a good question.

• 6:16Speaker 00

  That's a great question.

• 6:18Matt McCusker?

  We'll never know, guys, we'll never, ever know. You know, it happened, alright?

• 6:23Speaker 02

  It happened.

• 6:25Matt McCusker?

  A lot of bad stuff happened, right? Let's just, look, let's just have fun. Let's, let's go on to more lighthearted topics. Let's forget about, oh no, we'll never, don't forget about.

• 6:34Speaker 02

  Never forget about it.

• 6:36Matt McCusker?

  Conversationally, let's move past this subject.

• 6:42Speaker 02

  Yeah, the classic, which one's worse? Yeah. That's good, good start to the day.

• 6:49Matt McCusker?

  Not which one's worse, which is your personal preference. Everyone has personal preferences.

• 6:52Speaker 02

  You say, which one do you prefer? So you're saying you have to stop one. You don't want to stop either.

• 6:58Matt McCusker?

  No, what would you be better suited to stop? You might be like, you might put me in a time machine to stop the Nazis and I might be like, oh, I don't speak this language. I don't know what the hell they're talking about. I can't tell who's who. You know, I would like to make myself the most useful as possible.

• 7:09Speaker 02

  I think, yeah.

• 7:12Speaker 02

  Now, if you're putting it that way, yes, I think I could go back to the, the beginning of America.

• 7:18Matt McCusker?

  Yeah.

• 7:18Speaker 02

  And just run shit.

• 7:20Matt McCusker?

  Exactly.

• 7:20Speaker 02

  But if I went to Nazi Germany, they'd be like, get them out of here.

• 7:23Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, I'm gonna, I'm telling the difference between German Jews and Germans and I'm going, I don't know who the hell would help you.

• 7:28Speaker 02

  Like this Phillies jersey, if I was wearing this, way back, they'd be like, wow. Holy shit, how'd he get blue?

• 7:36Speaker 02

  If I wore this in Nazi Germany, they'd go, get them out of here.

• 7:39Matt McCusker?

  Yeah.

• 7:42Speaker 02

  I'd be, I might be one of the bros.

• 7:43Matt McCusker?

  Well, you'd have to put on that suit you showed me before we did the podcast.

• 7:47Speaker 02

  A what?

• 7:50Matt McCusker?

  You have to put on all your cool.

• 7:50Speaker 02

  My memorabilia?

• 7:53Speaker 02

  I don't have any memorabilia.

• 7:57Matt McCusker?

  Remember that military shirt?

• 7:59Speaker 02

  Dude, people will believe that. A hundred percent, people will believe that.

• 8:03Matt McCusker?

  Did I tell you after the show in Florida, someone handed me a penny? And they, I didn't know what they said, they said it has the, like, heart or something. I'm going, what? And he leaves, I flip it, I was a fucking swastika.

• 8:14Speaker 02

  Oh shit, he gave you a swastika penny?

• 8:16Matt McCusker?

  He gave you a swastika penny. I gave it to my wife. I said, here babe, here's a swastika penny.

• 8:21Speaker 02

  What the fuck?

• 8:22Matt McCusker?

  I just did Florida, here's a swastika penny.

• 8:24Speaker 02

  Now, ah, nevermind.

• 8:25Matt McCusker?

  So I'm, I'm projecting because I have.

• 8:27Speaker 02

  I was gonna be real anti-Semitic.

• 8:31Speaker 02

  That's a nasty prank.

• 8:32Matt McCusker?

  I would like to apologize, no. I would.

• 8:36Speaker 02

  Alright, this is.

• 8:37Matt McCusker?

  I would like to apologize.

• 8:39Speaker 02

  You did this.

• 8:39Matt McCusker?

  I would.

• 8:40Speaker 02

  You did this.

• 8:40Matt McCusker?

  We can start over.

• 8:41Speaker 02

  You know I can't stop.

• 8:41Matt McCusker?

  We can start over. I'd like to apologize because I was projecting on you because I have memorabilia.

• 8:46Speaker 02

  Yeah, you have memorabilia. People got really upset when I said I wanted to buy a Hitler autograph. I don't fucking see, I really don't see the problem.

• 8:56Matt McCusker?

  When did you say that?

• 8:57Speaker 02

  I said it like 10 times. I said it on here, I said it on Rogan.

• 9:00Matt McCusker?

  Hitler autograph?

• 9:01Speaker 02

  That's a fucking.

• 9:03Matt McCusker?

  Historically, it's a sick.

• 9:04Speaker 02

  That's what I mean.

• 9:04Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, dude, don't, that's crazy. People are just jealous of your Hitler autograph.

• 9:08Speaker 02

  I'd get a Stalin autograph, I'd get a.

• 9:10Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, that's, that's actually pretty cool.

• 9:11Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 9:12Matt McCusker?

  And it's crazy to conflate the two things, being like.

• 9:16Speaker 02

  I have OJ Simpson shit, no one gives a fuck. I know that was just one lady, allegedly.

• 9:21Matt McCusker?

  Yeah.

• 9:23Speaker 02

  I don't know, you can get a bad guy's autograph.

• 9:25Matt McCusker?

  I think so.

• 9:26Speaker 02

  You don't fucking say, "I like this."

• 9:28Matt McCusker?

  Exactly.

• 9:28Speaker 02

  You gotta look at this, this is crazy.

• 9:30Matt McCusker?

  You put it in your basement.

• 9:31Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 9:32Matt McCusker?

  There's nothing else in your basement.

• 9:34Speaker 02

  It's just a spotlight on a fucking.

• 9:39Speaker 02

  Anytime I have a first date, I go, "I want to show you something." Take her down to the basement and go, "What do you think that autograph reads?"

• 9:46Matt McCusker?

  Turn off the lasered grid of security.

• 9:49Speaker 02

  Try to read that.

• 9:54Matt McCusker?

  Oh, boy. Well, look, that's all my fault. I apologize for this topic. It was, it was a terrible way to start. This episode is brought to you by Aura Frames. The part, the best part of the holidays, aside from the great food and the gifts, because be honest, we all love a good gift.

• 10:11Speaker 02

  Love a good gift.

• 10:13Matt McCusker?

  Is getting to spend time with everyone.

• 10:15Speaker 02

  With everyone. Getting to spend time with everyone.

• 10:17Matt McCusker?

  I love.

• 10:18Speaker 02

  I love spending time with you. And I want this, our time together, to be so special.

• 10:24Matt McCusker?

  True, dude. The holiday season, the holiday season is ours.

• 10:27Speaker 02

  The way I make you feel special.

• 10:28Matt McCusker?

  Dude, around the holidays, I'm like walking around.

• 10:32Speaker 02

  I sent Matt an Aura Frame stocked with photos of he and I.

• 10:36Matt McCusker?

  That's awesome.

• 10:37Speaker 02

  And you know the perfect gift this year that could be for you to share those moments? Give the gifts of togetherness with Aura Frames. It's a digital picture frame that can hold those memories and make them come alive again. I'd like to come alive.

• 10:48Matt McCusker?

  I would love that. You can add as many photos or short videos as you want. All you need is the Aura app and a Wi-Fi connection.

• 10:55Speaker 02

  Dang.

• 10:56Matt McCusker?

  So as you keep making memories, you can add to the frame. You know what I'd add?

• 11:00Speaker 02

  What's that?

• 11:01Matt McCusker?

  This memory right now.

• 11:03Speaker 02

  A picture of this?

• 11:04Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, of us doing an ad read, taking a picture and putting it up there.

• 11:06Speaker 02

  Going, yeah.

• 11:07Matt McCusker?

  It'd just be just a drop in the sea of many memories that we have.

• 11:10Speaker 02

  Yes. The high resolution photos, you know what makes me the most hard is the high resolution photos look like real prints and they really help you relive the moment. And you can try interacting with the photo right there, so, you know. You can get any photos you want on there.

• 11:24Matt McCusker?

  Brief message like, "Congrats."

• 11:26Speaker 02

  When all they want for Christmas is you and everyone together, give them Aura Frames. For a limited time. Oh my God, let's get a picture of that.

• 11:37Speaker 02

  Oh my God, for a limited time, visit AuraFrames.com and get $45 off Aura's best-selling Carver Matt Frames. Name number one by Wirecutter, that's huge.

• 11:46Matt McCusker?

  Hold on.

• 11:47Speaker 02

  By using promo code MSSP at checkout. That's AuraFrames.com, promo code MSSP. This exclusive Black Friday/Cyber Monday deal is their best of the year. So order it now before it ends. Support the show by mentioning us at checkout.

• 12:03Matt McCusker?

  Terms and conditions apply. I don't think you got out of that.

• 12:06Speaker 02

  Yeah. That happens.

• 12:08Matt McCusker?

  How was the, how was S and L?

• 12:10Speaker 02

  Oh, it was sick. We haven't, yeah, fuck.

• 12:13Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, we haven't done it.

• 12:13Speaker 02

  I was going around, dude. I had to travel a lot. Kind of sucked. I'd go New York to LA, to San Francisco, Sacramento. Yeah.

• 12:24Matt McCusker?

  Dang, that's fucking

• 12:24Speaker 02

  It was a lot, but no.

• 12:25Matt McCusker?

  The coast to coast is

• 12:26Speaker 02

  SNL fucking ruled, especially because all I had to do was the opening.

• 12:30Matt McCusker?

  Yeah.

• 12:30Speaker 02

  It was great.

• 12:31Matt McCusker?

  All the fun.

• 12:32Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 12:32Matt McCusker?

  That's pretty cool.

• 12:33Speaker 02

  Also, they write all the jokes.

• 12:34Matt McCusker?

  Yeah.

• 12:35Speaker 02

  I was delighted to see the Rob Zombie reference. I got a Rob Zombie in there.

• 12:39Matt McCusker?

  Did you really?

• 12:39Speaker 02

  Yeah, it was nice.

• 12:40Matt McCusker?

  Which one?

• 12:41Speaker 02

  Called him Zoltan Rob Zombie.

• 12:43Matt McCusker?

  Yes, I saw, okay.

• 12:45Speaker 02

  Uh.

• 12:46Matt McCusker?

  I don't know why I was singing Dragula for some reason.

• 12:47Speaker 02

  But no, it was, uh, it was sick. I just had the game seven of the World Series on in my green room. I did so stress free when all you have to do is one, well, actually, hold on, I take that back because the rehearsal, my hands are on this podium. And it, anytime I let go, I just did Trump. My hands, every single time I let go, I was talking, like, I couldn't stop. So then I had to just hold the podium like as hard as I could. And it, I don't know why, but my hands were the sweatiest.

• 13:15Matt McCusker?

  That makes sense.

• 13:16Speaker 02

  They've ever, like, dripped, my hands were dripping sweat.

• 13:18Matt McCusker?

  No, dude, trust me.

• 13:19Speaker 02

  I've never experienced anything like that.

• 13:20Matt McCusker?

  I, I had it, when I was flying home, I was carrying a single coin in my hand.

• 13:28Matt McCusker?

  But no, that would fuck you up.

• 13:32Speaker 02

  Uh.

• 13:36Matt McCusker?

  I was clutching it.

• 13:36Speaker 02

  Sorry, do you have something in your hand?

• 13:40Matt McCusker?

  I was clutching a coin tightly.

• 13:45Matt McCusker?

  But no, if you, yeah, if you're like

• 13:46Speaker 02

  It was a plastic, it was plastic, so it was just like

• 13:49Matt McCusker?

  Forget it.

• 13:49Speaker 02

  So sweaty.

• 13:50Matt McCusker?

  Ugh.

• 13:51Speaker 02

  And, uh, yeah, it was, it's, it is still extremely nerve wracking.

• 13:55Matt McCusker?

  Oh, man.

• 13:56Speaker 02

  Doing SNLs.

• 13:57Matt McCusker?

  But at least it's over.

• 13:58Speaker 02

  Like, I was next to Rami and, and Miles Teller, and they were just

• 14:01Matt McCusker?

  Chilling.

• 14:01Speaker 02

  This is cool. And I was like, yeah, I'm fine. Oh, shit.

• 14:05Matt McCusker?

  At least you didn't have to do it the whole time. You did the one, then it was over. You said, do that one thing. That's, that was like

• 14:09Speaker 02

  But we did have, I was gonna be in a sketch at the end. And it got cut last second, and I was very happy.

• 14:16Matt McCusker?

  Yeah.

• 14:16Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 14:17Matt McCusker?

  Like, alright, I'm done.

• 14:18Speaker 02

  And then I got to, yeah, just watch game seven of the World Series. It was a good time.

• 14:22Matt McCusker?

  Yeah.

• 14:22Speaker 02

  I had, uh, Ronan Sasse with me.

• 14:24Matt McCusker?

  Nice.

• 14:25Speaker 02

  Fidance, Fidance lingered. Impressive lingering from Fidance. He asked me to go, and I was like, yeah, which I didn't want to ask for tickets.

• 14:35Matt McCusker?

  For sure.

• 14:36Speaker 02

  So I, I had to ask for tickets just for Fidance. And then he went to the rehearsal, and then just sat in my green room. For the real show, and then for the after party. Classic. It was a good linger.

• 14:48Matt McCusker?

  That's good, actually, yeah. He dug down.

• 14:50Speaker 02

  I said, do you have to?

• 14:54Speaker 02

  Then I feel bad, I'd be like, finance, get the fuck out of here. Cause it's a real small green room. Like five people in there, it was like eighty-five degrees in there, I'm like sweating. Like, finance, get the fuck out of here. And they'd be like, do you really want me to leave? I'd be like, well, no. Now I feel bad, no.

• 15:10Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, it is admirable to dig in that long.

• 15:13Speaker 02

  He can, he can fucking dig in.

• 15:14Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, man. That's awesome.

• 15:17Speaker 02

  Yeah, he's just like, I wanna be here.

• 15:18Matt McCusker?

  Yeah.

• 15:19Speaker 02

  There's nothing you can do.

• 15:20Matt McCusker?

  Soon as somebody even looks at me, I'm like, I'm out, man, I'm fucking going.

• 15:23Speaker 02

  For sure.

• 15:23Matt McCusker?

  I can't handle it.

• 15:25Speaker 02

  Uh, but yeah. SNL ruled. Then, uh, San Francisco was sick.

• 15:32Matt McCusker?

  Really? I like San Francisco.

• 15:33Speaker 02

  Got to goof off on the, by the way, they're not kidding, that place is fucked.

• 15:36Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, that one area is.

• 15:37Speaker 02

  That one area is, which is where my hotel was.

• 15:39Matt McCusker?

  What?

• 15:40Speaker 02

  Fucked up.

• 15:41Matt McCusker?

  You gotta stay at the top of the hill.

• 15:42Speaker 02

  We did not. Uh, my, uh, assistant booked it cause she thought it was a funny hotel name.

• 15:47Matt McCusker?

  What was it called?

• 15:48Speaker 02

  Uh, it was the Zeppelin. It was, yeah, it was a Led Zeppelin themed hotel.

• 15:51Matt McCusker?

  That's fucking awesome.

• 15:53Speaker 02

  Yeah, I was a little like, what are we doing?

• 15:54Matt McCusker?

  Yeah.

• 15:55Speaker 02

  She was like, I thought this was a funny name, I was like, you're fired.

• 15:59Speaker 02

  No, uh, we had a nice night at, uh, the, the Zeppelin Hotel. Cause, uh, me and, me and Tommy and, uh, James went out and got some drinks after the show. And then Tommy said he was sleepwalking.

• 16:13Speaker 02

  I don't think so. He, I think he was blacked out.

• 16:15Matt McCusker?

  Thought someone rose out of his amian?

• 16:17Speaker 02

  Thought it was the bathroom and just walked out his front door of the hotel in his tighty-whities. So he's just in the hallway in his tighty-whities, no card. He has to go down to the lobby in his tighties and ask for another key. And I was like, dude, you're lucky it was San Francisco, they're probably like, yeah, this happens.

• 16:34Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, this is pretty normal.

• 16:36Speaker 02

  Fucking clearly a gay guy.

• 16:37Matt McCusker?

  Were they blasting Zepp on like, in the, in any of the comedy?

• 16:40Speaker 02

  No, they did have records in the room, it was pretty cool.

• 16:42Matt McCusker?

  That's cool.

• 16:43Speaker 02

  But, uh, I was, we, we talked about it after, he was like, it was so embarrassing. I was like, dude, at least you're like, in shape. If I had to go down to the lobby in just tighty-whities, they would like, call the police.

• 16:55Matt McCusker?

  You'd had it going out to like, the Mission District and just stayed outside, all right?

• 16:58Speaker 02

  Sprint down the street. And everyone would be like, alright, he's fine. Indoors, in just tighties, people would be terrified.

• 17:05Matt McCusker?

  No, that sucks, I would be, I'd be mortified.

• 17:08Speaker 02

  Yeah, he handled it well, I think he was, he was probably hammered when it was happening.

• 17:11Matt McCusker?

  True.

• 17:12Speaker 02

  So.

• 17:13Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, fuck, that's crazy.

• 17:15Speaker 02

  Sacramento ruled.

• 17:16Matt McCusker?

  Sacked down?

• 17:17Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 17:18Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, Sacramento is, uh, it's tough. It's very, it looks very much like a GTA video game.

• 17:24Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 17:24Matt McCusker?

  It's crazy.

• 17:25Speaker 02

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• 17:31Matt McCusker?

  Yo.

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• 17:53Matt McCusker?

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• 17:59Speaker 02

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• 18:03Matt McCusker?

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• 18:23Speaker 02

  Oh, yeah. Oh, I gotta say this. At, uh, at the Warriors, we went down to the Warriors facility and shot around. I got you beat, Nate. I think I missed, I think I airballed 30 straight threes.

• 18:35Speaker 00

  Do you have the footage?

• 18:36Speaker 02

  No, but they do. And I was begging them. I was like, you can't. And they're like, right above the rim there, there's an AI camera that captures everything. It captures your shooting motion, does all that. And I was like, and he was like, yeah, we might show this to the team. And I was like, you can't show anyone. This is the most embarrassing. I missed, airballed 30 straight.

• 18:55Matt McCusker?

  Dang.

• 18:56Speaker 02

  It was crazy.

• 18:57Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, I mean, if you don't.

• 18:58Speaker 02

  People were filming and shit. I was like, please don't film.

• 18:59Matt McCusker?

  No, that would, that's, yeah, no way.

• 19:01Speaker 02

  Fine. It took me forever to work up the courage to go shoot because there were cameras around.

• 19:04Matt McCusker?

  For sure, yeah.

• 19:05Speaker 02

  Finally, I had enough beers to go, all right, I'll take a free throw. Airballed a free throw?

• 19:12Speaker 02

  And I was like, please don't put that out. I swear to God, please. Please, I'll do anything.

• 19:17Matt McCusker?

  Oh, that's devastating.

• 19:19Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 19:20Matt McCusker?

  I mean, three with the cameras on you, that makes sense, man. That would really, that would throw me off.

• 19:24Speaker 02

  Especially when like James started making threes.

• 19:27Matt McCusker?

  Yeah.

• 19:27Speaker 02

  Doesn't even know how she's shooting fucking underhand. My assistant hit a three.

• 19:32Speaker 00

  He was shooting underhand at the Warriors.

• 19:34Speaker 02

  He doesn't know how to shoot.

• 19:35Speaker 00

  Put underhand is, well, I can't talk. I'm gonna shut up.

• 19:38Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 19:41Speaker 02

  Yeah, it was all, it was very embarrassing.

• 19:43Matt McCusker?

  Dang.

• 19:44Speaker 02

  Yeah, so that was a good trip.

• 19:45Matt McCusker?

  Tommy was just naked doing laps.

• 19:47Speaker 02

  Tommy was naked.

• 19:50Matt McCusker?

  That's awesome.

• 19:51Speaker 02

  Hello, little man. Nice of you to join us. Why were you late?

• 19:56Speaker 03

  I got poop blocked.

• 19:58Speaker 02

  You got poop blocked?

• 19:59Matt McCusker?

  You were stuck on the seat.

• 20:00Speaker 02

  Sat down to take a dump and it didn't, didn't take?

• 20:02Speaker 03

  It took, but I had to took another one.

• 20:07Speaker 02

  Took another one.

• 20:09Matt McCusker?

  See, you had like a bad messy ass and you couldn't leave. You knew it was unfinished business.

• 20:13Speaker 03

  No, I drank too much whiskey yesterday and had 7-Eleven wings and that's a, that's a travesty.

• 20:18Matt McCusker?

  Jesus Christ.

• 20:19Speaker 03

  On my guts, yeah.

• 20:21Speaker 00

  A man went nuts on a bottle of whiskey yesterday.

• 20:24Matt McCusker?

  Why?

• 20:24Speaker 00

  I'm, we were just hanging out drinking, but he had like a Chalice cup and I swear.

• 20:30Speaker 02

  Chalice cup will get you.

• 20:31Speaker 00

  Yeah, Chalice cup was like.

• 20:33Speaker 02

  Chalice cup's funny.

• 20:34Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, goblet during D and D.

• 20:36Speaker 00

  He had a goblet of whiskey.

• 20:38Matt McCusker?

  Bring forth your whiskey.

• 20:41Speaker 02

  You guys still doing fucking gay D and D?

• 20:43Speaker 00

  We did it yesterday. It was a, it was a big time.

• 20:44Speaker 02

  No, no, no, I mean like literally.

• 20:46Speaker 00

  Like gay?

• 20:46Speaker 02

  Actually homosexual.

• 20:49Speaker 02

  Cause Jabri was here telling me all about the way these guys play. They have to like roll the dice to see how, like what part you finish on the other guy.

• 20:56Speaker 00

  This is, that happened one, Andy did it one time as a fun bit. It was a fun bit. Bad guy walked in, Andy rolled to, to, to come to death. It was a long time ago. He didn't know the rules. We take it seriously now. We were on an adventure.

• 21:12Speaker 02

  So you blacked out, you blacked out on whiskey playing D and D.

• 21:16Speaker 00

  It was kinda the best day.

• 21:17Speaker 02

  7-Eleven wings and then you're late to this cause you taking a bunch of shits.

• 21:24Speaker 03

  My car got towed last night too. It was a terrible day.

• 21:27Matt McCusker?

  Well, probably for the best.

• 21:30Matt McCusker?

  From the report, it sounds like that was like the best possible outcome.

• 21:32Speaker 02

  Where, where, were you at the creek?

• 21:34Speaker 03

  No, I was parked at my friend's house in the, yeah, Pat Deuce's place in the complex and they took it.

• 21:43Matt McCusker?

  Dang.

• 21:44Speaker 02

  Did you get it back?

• 21:45Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 21:47Matt McCusker?

  So what's your, what's your party score on right now out of 10? Are you like out of nine out of 10 of the party or like?

• 21:52Speaker 03

  What do you mean?

• 21:52Matt McCusker?

  If you had to like score your personal party right now, like how hard you party.

• 21:56Speaker 03

  Oh, I didn't party that hard.

• 21:59Speaker 02

  It's probably like a three, a four.

• 22:01Speaker 03

  It was a three? I thought you drank a ton of whiskey.

• 22:04Speaker 00

  That was a nine at least, bro. We crushed like a case of beer and a bottle of whiskey. In like four hours.

• 22:14Matt McCusker?

  Well, man, what would your 10 be if that's your three?

• 22:18Speaker 02

  What's a 10? There has to be a fire somewhere. Like a fire, an act of fire going on, that's a 10.

• 22:23Matt McCusker?

  10?

• 22:24Speaker 02

  Yeah. Yeah.

• 22:26Matt McCusker?

  Alright.

• 22:28Speaker 03

  Fucking... Whatever.

• 22:33Speaker 03

  Who gives a fuck, huh?

• 22:39Speaker 02

  Well, that's good stuff. Alright, what else is going on?

• 22:42Matt McCusker?

  Not much, man. I, uh, what the hell's going on with me right now? Oh dude, I'm trying to get in Thousand Pound Club right now.

• 22:47Speaker 02

  That's nice.

• 22:48Matt McCusker?

  Thousand, you know, I never heard of the Thousand Pound Club.

• 22:49Speaker 02

  I had a Thousand Pound Club t-shirt, bro.

• 22:51Matt McCusker?

  Woo!

• 22:51Speaker 02

  High school, dude. Deadlift, squat, bench?

• 22:53Matt McCusker?

  High school, that probably was Thousand Pound Club in high school too, but I'm trying to do it now.

• 22:57Speaker 02

  We cheated, we had the fucking... We had the, uh, we had the hex bar for deadlift.

• 23:02Matt McCusker?

  Did, yeah? Look, I'm not against the hex bar.

• 23:04Speaker 02

  I, it's, you can get way more.

• 23:06Matt McCusker?

  You can. Yeah, that's true. You can get a lot more. But yeah, I'm sure that's my goal by my 40th birthday, Thousand Pound Club. So, I'm at 750, I'll do, I'll get it for sure. I'll get it for sure.

• 23:16Speaker 02

  Squat's tough.

• 23:17Matt McCusker?

  Squat?

• 23:18Speaker 02

  Squat kinda fucking sucks.

• 23:19Matt McCusker?

  I kinda like, dude, I'll be honest.

• 23:20Speaker 02

  You do have thick fucking cheeks. You're probably good.

• 23:23Matt McCusker?

  Thick cheeks and thick legs, so I kinda like it, but my back, man, like...

• 23:26Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 23:27Matt McCusker?

  Kinda hurts. I did like 265 and that was like, I'll be able to get three plates, I think.

• 23:31Speaker 02

  That's nice.

• 23:32Matt McCusker?

  True, but if I do three plates, three pa- three plates, I don't know, I have to do a lot more, bench is not, bench is my weakness. So it's just my, I'm like a centaur, dude. Puny human arms.

• 23:43Speaker 02

  That's good, though.

• 23:44Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, it'll be fun.

• 23:45Speaker 02

  It's exciting stuff.

• 23:46Matt McCusker?

  It has been, man. It's been really, uh, I'm eating now like I'm in the NFL. I'm eating so much.

• 23:53Speaker 02

  Welcome to the club, dude.

• 23:54Matt McCusker?

  Yeah.

• 23:55Speaker 02

  Welcome, you've joined the boys.

• 23:58Matt McCusker?

  I was already eating pretty heartily, dude, now I'm...

• 24:00Speaker 02

  Instead of powerlifting, we're playing D and D. And drinking a goblet of whiskey and then going, "I need more calories."

• 24:08Speaker 02

  I need to bulk up.

• 24:10Matt McCusker?

  I'm just worried my bulk doesn't turn into the Hulk, man.

• 24:13Speaker 02

  I hear you.

• 24:13Matt McCusker?

  I'm telling you, I might turn into the Hulk right now.

• 24:16Speaker 02

  You might turn into the bulk, dude. I'd give anything for you to just, just get thick as fuck, dude. Pause. Pause, I want you thick.

• 24:28Matt McCusker?

  I might have never lifted this heavy, so I, I might fucking balloon out, it'd be nice.

• 24:32Speaker 02

  Are you taking creatine?

• 24:33Matt McCusker?

  Oh, yeah.

• 24:33Speaker 02

  Yeah, you're gonna, you're gonna...

• 24:35Matt McCusker?

  Balloon out, I'm taking, I'm taking creatine, I'm taking my, uh, natural T-Booster, so... So, I'm all endogenous, dude.

• 24:42Speaker 02

  Fuck yeah.

• 24:43Matt McCusker?

  I'm all endo, all endo, so... It's not really doing anything, I'm just kidding, I just wake up fucking crazy hard.

• 24:50Matt McCusker?

  It's like Tonga Ali and all that stuff.

• 24:52Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 24:53Matt McCusker?

  Just wake up, just rocked.

• 24:54Speaker 02

  It's nice to be, yeah.

• 24:55Matt McCusker?

  Bricked.

• 24:56Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 24:56Matt McCusker?

  Bricked up.

• 24:57Speaker 02

  It's good to hear.

• 24:58Matt McCusker?

  Sore legs, sore legs, stiff.

• 25:01Speaker 02

  It's good.

• 25:02Matt McCusker?

  Wake up and go, fuck, yeah.

• 25:03Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 25:04Matt McCusker?

  Can't wait to get to the thousand-pound club when I'm forty.

• 25:06Speaker 02

  No one can stop me, I'm jacked, it's time to read politics on the internet. I'm so strong.

• 25:15Matt McCusker?

  But no, it has been nice, that's been a, that's been a fun one. Goes in my head, if I lift for like, two weeks, I'm just like, dude, have I, have people noticed how jacked I am right? I think, I swear, I'm like an eight-year-old.

• 25:25Speaker 02

  You hit it backwards at Walburg. Immediately, you lifted for two weeks.

• 25:28Matt McCusker?

  I know, I know. I can lift once and be like, dude, for real, I think people might be able to tell right now.

• 25:34Speaker 02

  Dude, I was watching, uh, I had some Fox News on TV. And, uh, there's a Walburg commercial for the, what's the prayer app called?

• 25:44Speaker 02

  He has a prayer app.

• 25:45Matt McCusker?

  Does he have a prayer app?

• 25:45Speaker 02

  Yeah, and he just goes, "Hi, I'm Mark Walburg, pray with me." And then he just says a prayer.

• 25:51Matt McCusker?

  It's kind of crazy.

• 25:52Speaker 02

  It's a television commercial.

• 25:53Matt McCusker?

  That's crazy.

• 25:55Speaker 02

  What's it called? Yeah.

• 25:58Matt McCusker?

  Like, H-A-L-L?

• 26:00Speaker 02

  How would be that name?

• 26:02Matt McCusker?

  Dang, how does it work? I'd be curious to see how it works.

• 26:04Speaker 02

  I think it starts asking for some tithes. Tithes, tithes, tithes.

• 26:09Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, I think tithes.

• 26:11Speaker 02

  I think eventually that's a little pay to pray.

• 26:14Matt McCusker?

  Really?

• 26:14Speaker 02

  Just like Christ intended.

• 26:16Matt McCusker?

  I'd be, I might do indulgences.

• 26:18Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 26:20Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, get yourself out of hell. You pay the church to get you out of there.

• 26:23Speaker 02

  Well, it's good. He's trying to get people to pray. That's good.

• 26:25Matt McCusker?

  It's nice. It is weird to try to get, are you sure there's tithes?

• 26:29Speaker 02

  I think there might be tithes.

• 26:30Matt McCusker?

  I don't know. That'd be nuts. I feel like they would steal your information. I'd like to know what people are confessing. I'd start an app for that.

• 26:37Speaker 02

  Ooh, confession app?

• 26:38Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, you can confess.

• 26:41Speaker 02

  That's nice.

• 26:42Matt McCusker?

  And I'll sell that third-party information to somewhere else.

• 26:44Speaker 02

  Yeah, as soon as they confess one thing, you go, alright, Venmo me.

• 26:50Speaker 02

  Venmo me $300.

• 26:52Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, I started listening to the Bible on audiobook.

• 26:55Speaker 02

  Me too.

• 26:55Matt McCusker?

  Did you really?

• 26:56Speaker 02

  Fell asleep pretty quick.

• 26:57Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, Genesis is a slog.

• 26:59Speaker 02

  Genesis gets you. Starting with all those fucking names.

• 27:01Matt McCusker?

  The names, dude.

• 27:02Speaker 02

  He bequeathed him and fucking he had him.

• 27:04Matt McCusker?

  I finally made it through the names to Abraham and, yeah, a lot of debauchery going on, dude. I didn't realize. I thought, you know, who was it? Lot? When Lot's wife turned to salt?

• 27:17Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 27:18Matt McCusker?

  And then his daughters trick him and have sex with him? Get pregnant. I was just like, alright, here comes God's wrath. They're like, nah, man, they're actually doing really well. And you're like, alright, what the hell's that all about?

• 27:28Speaker 02

  Yeah, that's where Lot's like, fuck my daughters instead of his angel?

• 27:32Matt McCusker?

  Yes. Lot offers up his daughters to the angels.

• 27:35Speaker 02

  So sick.

• 27:35Matt McCusker?

  God's like, that's actually pretty.

• 27:37Speaker 02

  Fucking hot-ass angel came down. The whole town was like, ah, outside of Lot's door, like, let us fuck that guy. We're gonna fuck that guy.

• 27:45Matt McCusker?

  Crazy.

• 27:46Speaker 02

  Yeah. They had that coming, dude. They deserved it. They need to be salt. Is a new guy in town? I need some booty relief.

• 27:53Matt McCusker?

  Booty relief is such a nice term. Did you ever see an old black guy? He was in prison for a long time, who's on Instagram now?

• 28:00Speaker 02

  Somebody's talking about booty relief? The fuck is that?

• 28:03Matt McCusker?

  You guys know what I'm talking about? He's, huh? Yeah, Fleesh Johnson. I'm talking about booty relief.

• 28:09Speaker 02

  What's going on? What is that?

• 28:10Matt McCusker?

  Oh, this guy has a 12-inch penis. He's been in jail for a long time and he-

• 28:14Speaker 02

  Oh, no.

• 28:15Matt McCusker?

  He just says-

• 28:17Speaker 03

  You ever watched The Boondocks? There's that one episode, The Booty Warrior, where the guy was like, I see you, I like you. He's a real guy and he's out of jail and he's a menace.

• 28:26Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, he's.

• 28:27Speaker 02

  He's out now?

• 28:27Speaker 03

  Yeah, he's out now.

• 28:29Speaker 02

  Hitting people with booty relief outside of the.

• 28:31Matt McCusker?

  I'm sick of the conference. Dude, he said he's, he's like, he also holds it down. He's like, I'm not gay. He's like, I was just in jail. Then he'll be like, so I swear to God, some booties, there's some booties better. They're the best I ever had.

• 28:42Speaker 02

  He needs to be turned into a pillar of salt.

• 28:47Matt McCusker?

  Someone needs to raise his, wherever he lives, really bad. Oh, yeah.

• 28:52Speaker 02

  Raise his land.

• 28:54Matt McCusker?

  Someone needs to raise.

• 28:55Speaker 02

  12 inch booty relief? God damn.

• 28:59Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, he would just say, you were just like, you would tap, dude, him explaining it is the funniest shit in the world. Like, I just tapped him. I said, hey, man, I'm gonna need some booty relief.

• 29:08Speaker 02

  The guy goes, God.

• 29:09Matt McCusker?

  And that's all it is.

• 29:10Speaker 02

  Damn it. Okay. Just don't fucking hit me again, please. Please stop hitting me.

• 29:17Matt McCusker?

  That's all he said he did. He said he fought, gambled, booty. Those three things.

• 29:21Speaker 02

  Sounds like he didn't rehabilitate at all. He's committed grievous sins the entire time.

• 29:30Matt McCusker?

  He truly didn't rehabilitate whatsoever. But he is very funny. It's very funny.

• 29:35Speaker 02

  Yeah, it sounds funny.

• 29:36Matt McCusker?

  He's like missing his front teeth. Just like, man, some booties I had better than any other girl I ever had in the booty. I had some, I had some good booty in that jail.

• 29:47Matt McCusker?

  But he said, ever since he's out of jail, no more booty relief.

• 29:50Speaker 02

  That's good.

• 29:51Matt McCusker?

  Strictly for the ladies right now.

• 29:52Speaker 02

  That's good.

• 29:52Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, he's, he was in jail for what, like 15 years? He's in jail for a long time.

• 29:57Speaker 02

  It's not funny, but I've talked about it before, but I always think of, me and Blizz were just dying laughing because this guy got, it's not funny. He got some booty relief, but they packed his ass with peanut butter. For like lube, I guess.

• 30:09Matt McCusker?

  What?

• 30:10Speaker 02

  And we were just, he got like knocked out and he woke up with peanut butter in his ass. But then it's just like, just somebody knocking somebody out and somebody else be like, get the peanut butter. It's not funny, never mind. I'll take it back, but you know what I mean? It's funny to just pack someone's ass.

• 30:24Matt McCusker?

  Having your butthole filled with peanut butter is objectively funny. Lube, I'm questioning is like peanut butter for lube? I don't know. It's like, doesn't even go down your throat, you know what I mean? You choke on peanut butter. So I wonder.

• 30:37Speaker 02

  Maybe it was just a mean thing to do afterwards.

• 30:40Matt McCusker?

  True.

• 30:41Speaker 02

  Just a little prank.

• 30:42Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, maybe it was natural peanut butter, it was just the oil. Get that, get that organic peanut butter.

• 30:47Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 30:48Matt McCusker?

  Quick, get the peanut butter, motherfuckers knocked out, go. Not the shit with the palm seed oil. Getting packed up with peanut butter, man, that's tough. Take forever to get that out of your butt. You know what I'm saying?

• 31:01Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 31:02Matt McCusker?

  That'd be tough. Some chunky?

• 31:06Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 31:06Matt McCusker?

  May God smite whoever packs me with the chunky peanut butter, bro.

• 31:10Speaker 02

  Please.

• 31:11Matt McCusker?

  I would cry unto him, dude.

• 31:13Speaker 02

  Pray for, pray for a peanut allergy and go, joke's on, bag's on you.

• 31:18Matt McCusker?

  True. This episode is brought to you by PrizePix. You and I make decisions every day, but on PrizePix, being right can get you paid. Don't miss any of the excitement this holiday season.

• 31:31Speaker 02

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• 31:43Matt McCusker?

  PrizePix is simple to play. Just pick more or less on at least two player stats. If you get your picks right, you could cash in.

• 31:50Speaker 02

  Matt, and here's a new feature to get hyped on. PrizePix now has early payouts. If your player gets off to a hot start, you can now, you now have the option to cash those winnings before the game even finishes.

• 32:02Matt McCusker?

  That sounds perfect.

• 32:03Speaker 02

  Yep.

• 32:03Matt McCusker?

  Download the PrizePix app today and use code DRENCH to get $50 in lineups after you play your first $5 lineup. That's code DRENCH to get $50 in lineups after you play your first $5 lineup.

• 32:15Speaker 02

  PrizePix.

• 32:16Matt McCusker?

  It's good to be right.

• 32:17Speaker 02

  It's good to be right.

• 32:18Matt McCusker?

  Yes.

• 32:19Speaker 02

  Oh, yeah.

• 32:21Matt McCusker?

  Uh, I think this weekend at Madison, Wisconsin, I believe there's an early show for sale. Everything else is all sold out, but let me see here. Let's, let's check it out, guys. Yep, Comedy on State, Madison, Wisconsin. I believe there's an early show. Springfield Comedy Club, back on the map. Back on the map. They're gonna honor the tickets that people bought before the whole place imploded. I, Springfield Comedy Club, the righteous people of Springfield Comedy Club have come and they've brought me back to Springfield, Missouri, honoring all

• 32:49Speaker 02

  That's a fun show.

• 32:50Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, it's gonna be awesome. Funny Bone Comedy Club, Syracuse, New York. I'll be there also. Please come out, guys. mattmccusker.com. Thank you.

• 32:57Speaker 02

  December 12th, I'll be in Boise, Idaho. December 13th, I'll be in Portland, Oregon. And then the next, then I'm on a little break until, uh, the January, uh, Madison Square Garden, so.

• 33:10Speaker 02

  Yeah, hopefully those, hopefully I don't, uh, choke and ruin it and blow it.

• 33:16Matt McCusker?

  Fuck him. Nah, if you can handle, if you can handle gaming on the screen.

• 33:21Speaker 02

  Fuck him at the square garden, fuck.

• 33:25Speaker 02

  Well, you guys got anything you wanna say? You got any shows? What you got, brother?

• 33:34Speaker 04

  We got Optimum Noctis coming up next week and it's the first and third Tuesday of every month at the Creek in the Cave in Austin, Texas.

• 33:41Speaker 02

  First and third? Now you guys doubled the Optimum Noctis?

• 33:44Speaker 04

  Yes, sir.

• 33:44Speaker 02

  Congratulations.

• 33:45Speaker 04

  Thank you very much.

• 33:46Matt McCusker?

  Optimum Nocti.

• 33:47Speaker 02

  Yeah, now it's Optimum Nocti.

• 33:49Speaker 04

  Yeah, I didn't think about that. And then I'm going to Chicago and Atlanta in December. Uh, I forget when they are, but they're, the tickets will be up soon, so if you wanna come to that, please come. Thank you very much.

• 34:02Speaker 02

  All right, good job, Sean.

• 34:03Speaker 04

  Thank you.

• 34:04Speaker 02

  All right, thank you, everybody.

• 34:06Matt McCusker?

  That's a wrap on the set.

• 34:11Matt McCusker?

  Hall set me up. He's all mad. He's, he's claiming there is a company that is selling medicine for peanut allergies. Guess what the medicine is? Peanuts. He says it's 100%. They're 100% selling peanuts.

• 34:26Speaker 02

  So it's like a vaccine?

• 34:27Matt McCusker?

  Kinda, yeah.

• 34:28Speaker 02

  It's how vaccines, yeah.

• 34:29Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, pretty much.

• 34:30Speaker 02

  Give him a small dose of peanuts?

• 34:32Matt McCusker?

  Yeah. Give him peanuts breath.

• 34:34Speaker 02

  All right.

• 34:37Matt McCusker?

  He was fired up. He texted me. He goes, can you fucking believe this shit? And it's like, yeah, for sure.

• 34:41Speaker 02

  Yeah, that's how that works.

• 34:42Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, I could definitely see them doing that. But yeah, that was really the kind of solution to the whole peanut allergy. It was like, let them eat peanuts. Give them peanuts.

• 34:50Speaker 02

  Yes.

• 34:51Matt McCusker?

  So.

• 34:51Speaker 02

  Were you worried about that with your children?

• 34:53Matt McCusker?

  No.

• 34:53Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 34:54Matt McCusker?

  Cause I didn't have a peanut allergy, so I was like, they'll be fine. And I gave it to them super early where I was just like.

• 34:58Speaker 02

  See what happens.

• 34:59Matt McCusker?

  Yeah. See what's good. That shit is annoying, dude. Like trying to pack lunches for them. You can't have any peanut products. It's like.

• 35:06Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 35:06Matt McCusker?

  Cause then it's like tree nuts or this coconut. It's like the point where like, bro, like they gotta, they gotta do this.

• 35:13Speaker 02

  Yeah, that sucks.

• 35:13Matt McCusker?

  You gotta eat this shit. But if my kid had a peanut allergy, I would, I would give them like a prophylactic tongue cover. Like a dental dam.

• 35:21Speaker 02

  A dental dam?

• 35:23Matt McCusker?

  Like a dental dam, but for peanuts.

• 35:24Speaker 02

  For peanuts.

• 35:25Matt McCusker?

  For peanuts, yeah.

• 35:26Speaker 02

  Of course.

• 35:26Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, I was like, that'd be the safest.

• 35:29Speaker 02

  That's the only thing you can do.

• 35:30Matt McCusker?

  I would do a mask and a dental dam.

• 35:35Matt McCusker?

  On my toddler.

• 35:38Matt McCusker?

  And that would just kind of grease their whole body so that like they would, you know, that way if they slipped, they would fall. They'd be totally safe.

• 35:47Matt McCusker?

  You know what I mean?

• 35:48Speaker 02

  Yeah, fully.

• 35:49Matt McCusker?

  I'm saying if someone tried to duck your kid, if you had them covered in baby oil.

• 35:52Speaker 02

  Cause if they see that, if they see that dental dam, they're gonna go.

• 35:57Speaker 02

  They're fucking, they're, they're ready? And then you lube them up. You go, good luck catching them.

• 36:02Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, they make a bar of soap, pop them right out of their heads.

• 36:05Speaker 02

  Watch out. That might get them going too.

• 36:11Speaker 02

  Alright. Yeah.

• 36:14Matt McCusker?

  Anyway, I'm telling you, man, the caffeine had me fucked up. I've been subdued under the heel of fucking evil caffeine. Yeah, caffeine is, dude. That shit is not where it's at. For me personally, I can't speak for everybody. For me, it was like stealing my energy, man.

• 36:29Speaker 02

  It does. Yeah, you do crash.

• 36:31Matt McCusker?

  Dude, I crashed so hard. Then it's like either drinking other coffee, then you get bad sleep. For me, again, personally, I would get bad sleep and then I'd wake up and chase the dragon again. And it was like, I got to the point where I was like, dude, I, this shit isn't for me.

• 36:42Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 36:43Matt McCusker?

  And I feel so much better.

• 36:45Speaker 02

  Well, that's good.

• 36:45Matt McCusker?

  Yeah.

• 36:46Speaker 02

  Cause I knew you were struggling with that.

• 36:47Matt McCusker?

  I was.

• 36:47Speaker 02

  And it's good.

• 36:48Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, I'm free, I'm free from the clutches, although the demon nicotine still has its hooks. I was off that as well.

• 36:55Speaker 02

  Nicotine rules.

• 36:56Matt McCusker?

  But I was crying to Sean the whole time this weekend. I was like, man, I'd really like my nicotine tablets before the show. It's really nice having those. It just makes my mind a lot sharper. And I kept being like.

• 37:04Speaker 02

  What Sean say?

• 37:05Matt McCusker?

  He was just like, yeah, I think I have one of those things you gave me before. And then he didn't, he didn't have them. He built me up, fucking slammed me down.

• 37:13Speaker 02

  Fuck her.

• 37:14Matt McCusker?

  Yeah.

• 37:15Speaker 02

  You fuck.

• 37:20Speaker 02

  Oh, good call, Amir. He's clearly done talking.

• 37:26Speaker 02

  Says hands him a mic.

• 37:28Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, I might start taking 7OH. Did you ever take that before?

• 37:32Speaker 02

  Never even heard of it.

• 37:33Matt McCusker?

  Dude, apparently there's this shit, it's kratom, but they turn it into like a super concentrated.

• 37:38Speaker 02

  Don't start taking fucking kratom.

• 37:39Matt McCusker?

  I'm obviously not, this is, no.

• 37:41Speaker 02

  This is a bit, dude.

• 37:42Matt McCusker?

  This is a bit. Yeah, that's the thing about me, man. You don't know when I'm being serious.

• 37:45Speaker 02

  That's what it's like.

• 37:46Matt McCusker?

  It gets me in a lot of trouble.

• 37:47Speaker 02

  I hear you.

• 37:48Matt McCusker?

  Sometimes I'm just, I feel, there's a, there's like a term for that, when like, you know, you don't really know the person's serious. And it's like a dramatic term, something from, you know.

• 37:55Speaker 02

  Being a cunt.

• 37:59Speaker 02

  This guy sucks. It's tough to talk to him. I don't know if he's fucking with me.

• 38:02Matt McCusker?

  No, if that doesn't work, then I slip into a British accent and usually the party goes crazy.

• 38:06Speaker 02

  Party goes nuts.

• 38:09Speaker 02

  Let me hear that.

• 38:09Matt McCusker?

  Dudes.

• 38:10Speaker 02

  Let me hear that British accent.

• 38:11Matt McCusker?

  Hello.

• 38:13Matt McCusker?

  Hello.

• 38:14Speaker 02

  Tried to watch Peaky Blinders again.

• 38:16Matt McCusker?

  Oh dude, that's all you need.

• 38:19Speaker 02

  I used to love it.

• 38:21Matt McCusker?

  Well, knowing what it turned dudes into is kinda tough as well. It's like Sex and the City. Sex and the City ruined a generation of women. Peaky Blinders.

• 38:28Speaker 02

  One generation.

• 38:28Matt McCusker?

  Crushed.

• 38:29Speaker 02

  Sex and the City is continued.

• 38:30Matt McCusker?

  True.

• 38:31Speaker 02

  Still going.

• 38:31Matt McCusker?

  Yeah.

• 38:32Speaker 02

  Uh, Peaky Blinders is probably still going.

• 38:34Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, still, people are still on the Peaky Blinders shit.

• 38:37Speaker 02

  The one episode, cause I remember season two being awesome. Isn't that the one with Tom Hardy?

• 38:40Matt McCusker?

  Yes.

• 38:41Speaker 02

  So I, I started that. The first, they go into like a party in London and like, beat the fuck out of everyone in there.

• 38:47Matt McCusker?

  Of course.

• 38:48Speaker 02

  On the way out, the, the young one kisses one of the babes. And they're just like, let's have a fucking night on the town, Peaky Blinders style. Ah. I was like, damn, this is crazy. They're leaving Birmingham and they're in a car and the brother stands up and he's like, "Buy one of the Peaky Blinders, what going on holiday?"

• 39:08Matt McCusker?

  That's, that's so Arthur. That's definitely Arthur. It's so Arthur dude. Yeah, that, uh, yeah, I, I don't like the like constant slow cool walks in that show.

• 39:18Speaker 02

  Lot of them.

• 39:19Matt McCusker?

  They walk through industrial London, there's sparks flying, they're just like,

• 39:23Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 39:23Matt McCusker?

  Alright, we get it, these guys are the coolest guys, fucking.

• 39:26Speaker 02

  Yeah, they're the coolest guys.

• 39:27Matt McCusker?

  Industrial London.

• 39:28Speaker 02

  I'll give it another shot, cause it, it did rule.

• 39:31Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, it was fun to watch.

• 39:32Speaker 02

  It did rule.

• 39:33Matt McCusker?

  But I'm saying now that I just know.

• 39:35Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 39:35Matt McCusker?

  There's dudes dressing like them, I can't watch the show anymore.

• 39:38Speaker 02

  Wedding photos. Damn, they gotta regret that so much. Like a cool show, you go, that's what we're gonna do. The groomsmen are gonna dress like the current cool show.

• 39:51Speaker 02

  Fuck, that show stinks now.

• 39:52Matt McCusker?

  We're gonna dress up all these, uh, these fat tree guys.

• 40:02Speaker 02

  Damn, it sucks to be the one groomsmen that has like half a brain that's like, "This is so embarrassing." You go, but everyone else is doing it, so I gotta wear a trench coat and a fucking Jeff cap and a vest with a fucking watch. A pocket watch.

• 40:19Speaker 02

  You gotta try to talk to the women after the wedding.

• 40:21Matt McCusker?

  Yeah.

• 40:23Speaker 02

  Some of the bridesmaids are probably hot.

• 40:25Matt McCusker?

  I wonder if any of the guys ever like went to their head.

• 40:28Speaker 02

  Definitely, I'm sure some got stuck.

• 40:29Matt McCusker?

  They just get completely.

• 40:30Speaker 02

  You put that fucking, you put that outfit on, there's no way you're not doing, you're drinking a fucking goblet of whiskey going.

• 40:35Matt McCusker?

  You're at a wedding with your girlfriend.

• 40:40Matt McCusker?

  You're with your girlfriend at a wedding, you've known her for six months, at the end of the night, you're like.

• 40:45Speaker 02

  There's gotta be some black Peaky Blinders.

• 40:46Matt McCusker?

  Oh, for sure.

• 40:47Speaker 02

  I'd like to take a look at that.

• 40:51Speaker 02

  Yeah, good call.

• 40:52Matt McCusker?

  Sooners was just an excuse for black dudes to do Peaky Blinders.

• 40:56Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 40:56Matt McCusker?

  I never thought about that, Lemare. Good point. You're on fire.

• 41:01Speaker 02

  Black Peaky Blinders.

• 41:02Matt McCusker?

  Yeah.

• 41:03Speaker 02

  Fuck yeah. It's just show me pictures of the black eye and Peaky Blinders.

• 41:08Matt McCusker?

  You're gonna come across Lemare on image three.

• 41:12Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, let's, let's actually.

• 41:13Speaker 02

  Dan, these Peaky Blinders outfits suck ass.

• 41:18Speaker 02

  Fucking suck ass, dude. I'm actually an accountant.

• 41:25Speaker 02

  Bro.

• 41:27Matt McCusker?

  Oh my god, dude.

• 41:29Speaker 02

  Full Airbnb apartment.

• 41:30Matt McCusker?

  Oh my god.

• 41:31Speaker 02

  Rocking the Peaky Blinders.

• 41:32Matt McCusker?

  Dude, imagine popping off the Peaky Blinders garb and then you just can't get hard.

• 41:36Speaker 02

  Oh yeah, trust me, I can imagine that. That's why I'm not allowed to wear the Peaky Blinders, dude.

• 41:42Matt McCusker?

  I would just lean, I would just lean into it and be like, oh, I've seen a lot of things.

• 41:46Speaker 02

  Yeah, I was in World War I.

• 41:49Matt McCusker?

  I breathed in mustard.

• 41:50Speaker 02

  Also, they're chugging whiskey the whole time. There's no way any of these dudes had boners. The Peaky Blinders are soft.

• 41:58Speaker 02

  You can't get a boner and drink that much whiskey.

• 42:02Matt McCusker?

  You really can't.

• 42:03Speaker 02

  I'm with my brothers. I mean, all my brothers are soft right now.

• 42:08Speaker 02

  We drank too much duas. It happens. But I guess the WAPs did the fucking Sopranos too.

• 42:13Matt McCusker?

  Yeah.

• 42:13Speaker 02

  Sopranos suits and shit for your wedding.

• 42:15Matt McCusker?

  Oh, yeah, yeah. That's fair. I didn't think about that. I think they just, don't they just dress like that anyway?

• 42:21Speaker 02

  I think they kind of do, but I bet they, I bet they WAP it up. It's kind of like.

• 42:25Matt McCusker?

  Sopranos gave them a license. Yeah.

• 42:27Speaker 02

  He did some things.

• 42:29Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, that's their, I've said it a hundred times, that's their favorite thing. I would love to just really investigate every Italian's connections to the mafia. Start a documentary. Turns out, they're all lying.

• 42:38Speaker 02

  Do you watch that Philly versus the Mob at all?

• 42:40Matt McCusker?

  No.

• 42:41Speaker 02

  It's, it's pretty great. The guy, the, one of the investigators at the start of it, one of the detectives, he's just like, all they talk about is how loyal and all that they are. Every single one of them's a fucking rat.

• 42:51Matt McCusker?

  Yeah. It's devastating. They did all tell on each other for sure.

• 42:54Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 42:55Matt McCusker?

  Who do, who do they talk about? Like Nicky the Hat and all those guys?

• 42:57Speaker 02

  Uh, I forget the guy's name. He's still alive.

• 43:00Matt McCusker?

  Yeah.

• 43:02Speaker 02

  I think he owns a steak thing. He's, he's kind of the man.

• 43:06Matt McCusker?

  So I remember there was, um, who was the, yeah, there was like the main guy who got Joey, Joey, Joey Merlino got busted.

• 43:12Speaker 02

  That's him.

• 43:13Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, Merlino got busted and then there was all these other guys.

• 43:15Speaker 02

  He's out. He's, he's out. He's kinda cool. That, it's about like the young guys going up against the

• 43:20Matt McCusker?

  Yeah.

• 43:21Speaker 02

  Sicilians, like the orig, the OG WAPs and then the Philly WAPs are kinda.

• 43:25Matt McCusker?

  I remember hearing rumors in like twenty, yeah, around like twenty fourteen, twenty seventeen, like the mob was coming back. Everyone kept trying to say that, like, yo, the mob's coming back.

• 43:34Speaker 02

  Is the mob, like, whenever they bust these guys, they let them, they have to get so much on them before they arrest them.

• 43:42Matt McCusker?

  Yeah.

• 43:43Speaker 02

  And I never understood that. They sit there and watch them do like, they like let them do pretty serious crimes. And then finally they're like, we got you. You murdered twelve people. We got you on the twelfth fucking guy.

• 43:54Matt McCusker?

  I know.

• 43:55Speaker 02

  You get them on the first thing.

• 43:57Matt McCusker?

  I guess they're trying to go for the godfather.

• 43:59Speaker 02

  True.

• 44:00Matt McCusker?

  Trying to get the godfather. Cause there was a big one, when I was in college, they got a bunch of bookies and they were all, there was like, they were saying like, that's the last of the mob. They all got busted and they got like crushed on, they got caught with like hundreds of thousands of dollars in cash. And they just, I think like they were like, there were, I remember the pictures in the paper and like they were just like laughing, getting walked out and they're like, we don't give a fuck.

• 44:19Speaker 02

  They're awesome.

• 44:19Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, like we're fine. I know. They kinda did rule.

• 44:24Speaker 04

  I could be wrong, but aren't they saying that NBA gambling scandal has to do with the mob and, and maybe the UFC fixing fights and things like that?

• 44:32Matt McCusker?

  Really? Still?

• 44:33Speaker 04

  Yeah, there's a lot of gambling scandals that are coming out now.

• 44:37Speaker 02

  There was a pitcher that just got busted.

• 44:38Speaker 04

  Oh no.

• 44:39Speaker 02

  And it was, he was just, uh, throwing the first pitch, you can bet on the first pitch being a ball or a strike.

• 44:45Matt McCusker?

  Yeah.

• 44:46Speaker 02

  And they offered this guy like fucking five hundred bucks. He got no money for this.

• 44:52Matt McCusker?

  Really?

• 44:52Speaker 02

  Somebody was probably like, yo, I'll give you a grand if you just throw a ball. He was like, alright. And he got busted and now he's facing like sixty years in prison.

• 45:00Matt McCusker?

  How do they bust him?

• 45:01Speaker 02

  Uh, I'm sure whoever was doing it was probably, it was like a bigger

• 45:06Matt McCusker?

  Oh man.

• 45:07Speaker 02

  Scheme, but he, I think he probably, you know.

• 45:10Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, you're fucked. Sorry, I burped so loud in the mic.

• 45:15Speaker 02

  No, I'm trying not to cough, so.

• 45:18Matt McCusker?

  Sorry, so while you're doing that, I'm like.

• 45:19Speaker 02

  Yeah. We're officially an old man podcast. Uh, yeah, I guess this is obviously how this is gonna go. By the end of it, we're gonna.

• 45:28Matt McCusker?

  What?

• 45:30Speaker 02

  The hell are you talking about?

• 45:33Speaker 02

  I don't have any fucking memorabilia.

• 45:37Speaker 02

  Shut up. Don't fucking say that.

• 45:42Matt McCusker?

  Dude, my parents, speaking of geezers, my parents surprised me in Florida.

• 45:45Speaker 02

  That's nice.

• 45:46Matt McCusker?

  It surprised me at the show. It was sweet. Although it was my least favorite show of the weekend.

• 45:49Speaker 02

  That sucks.

• 45:49Matt McCusker?

  It popped up and I was just like, guys.

• 45:52Speaker 02

  Yeah, the surprise of the show, they think is very nice. It's just...

• 45:56Matt McCusker?

  That was nice. We chilled, Sean. We all hung out. We went on a boat. It was nice.

• 45:58Speaker 02

  Oh, I heard the boat was sick.

• 46:00Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, it was pretty tight. My dad was showing off for Sean. He was driving very fast.

• 46:03Speaker 02

  Really?

• 46:03Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, he was going very fast on the boat.

• 46:08Matt McCusker?

  Yeah.

• 46:08Speaker 04

  You seem scared, Sean. You're smoking that cigarette like it's your last one.

• 46:14Speaker 04

  And he gave me some new lingo. He calls cigarettes hot snacks, which I love.

• 46:18Speaker 02

  Hot snacks.

• 46:18Matt McCusker?

  Hot snacks, nice.

• 46:19Speaker 02

  That is good lingo.

• 46:20Matt McCusker?

  Step outside for a hot snack. Yeah, it was nice. We had to hang out. It was, uh, it was very sweet. We was chilling.

• 46:26Speaker 02

  It is nice.

• 46:27Matt McCusker?

  Yeah. My dad was trying to extend the chill too long, though, and I was like, bro, I must go back and take my little...

• 46:31Speaker 02

  How did your, uh, how did your mother feel about your, your material?

• 46:35Matt McCusker?

  She told me to stop being fresh.

• 46:37Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 46:37Matt McCusker?

  She said, Matt, stop being fresh. There was some stuff in there, man. Oh, boy. I did not know that. I'm very glad they surprised me because I would have pulled back because some of that stuff is a little blue.

• 46:47Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 46:47Matt McCusker?

  Trying to clean it up, but right now it's just a little blue.

• 46:49Speaker 02

  Sometimes you gotta go a little blue.

• 46:51Matt McCusker?

  It's a little blue. Just while I'm cleaning, you know, I'm figuring it out. It's gonna be squeaky clean by the time it's done, but right now it's just a teeny bit blue.

• 46:56Speaker 02

  Ain't nothing funnier than some blue.

• 46:58Matt McCusker?

  I, I kinda like it too. It's fun.

• 47:00Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 47:00Matt McCusker?

  Especially, yeah, when you make people deeply uncomfortable about something they don't wanna think about. But yeah, we, we were doing some battle. There were some geezers there. I battled, you know, drunk lady. I don't know if I even battled. Uh, no, I battled a big titted drunk lady a little bit. She was so far away. It was like...

• 47:15Speaker 02

  What did she want?

• 47:16Matt McCusker?

  I strike from afar. She would just start yelling stuff out.

• 47:18Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 47:18Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, I'm trying to make my new hour, I'm trying to make it more for everybody, but I just, I'm pissing girls off. I'm trying to talk about girl stuff and they're getting fucking mad at me.

• 47:26Speaker 02

  Yeah, they don't like it.

• 47:27Matt McCusker?

  Trying to include them, talk about stuff they're interested in too.

• 47:30Speaker 02

  Well, when it's a room full of...

• 47:31Matt McCusker?

  Like their periods.

• 47:33Speaker 02

  When it's a room... When it's a room full of mostly dudes and you're like, women are dumb as fuck. And every dude in there is like, yeah. No, I've done that. I'm not saying you.

• 47:42Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, yeah. I don't do that. I don't do that. But I do, I do talk about stuff. I think they, they don't, they get uncomfortable. You talk about, you know, their pussies and stuff. Talk about their pussies a little.

• 47:52Speaker 02

  Yeah, you gotta talk about everybody's pussies.

• 47:53Matt McCusker?

  Yeah.

• 47:55Speaker 02

  Excuse me, man.

• 47:56Matt McCusker?

  I'm just trying to, and I tell everyone, making it very, you know, trying to keep everyone engaged and talk about guy stuff. Now we're doing girl stuff and we'll go back to guy stuff.

• 48:04Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 48:04Matt McCusker?

  So he had a large adoring female crowd, still eludes me. So some, it's, it's my quest.

• 48:10Speaker 02

  Yeah. It'd be nice. Seven arena of white men. Just don't get me wrong, I love my white brothers.

• 48:20Speaker 02

  Some babes would be nice.

• 48:21Matt McCusker?

  For sure, man. Yeah.

• 48:22Speaker 02

  There's been some babes at shows that are just from SNL.

• 48:26Matt McCusker?

  Yeah.

• 48:27Speaker 02

  And I've seen them and I've seen them be extremely uncomfortable. You go, this is not that guy.

• 48:33Speaker 02

  He was so charming. What is this?

• 48:36Matt McCusker?

  You're basing that off of just seeing them?

• 48:38Speaker 02

  They wear like shirts.

• 48:39Matt McCusker?

  Oh.

• 48:39Speaker 02

  Like designed, like couple of beers shirts or like a sketch from SNL. You guys are here from SNL.

• 48:45Matt McCusker?

  And you watch him hit the wall?

• 48:46Speaker 02

  Last show, I think it was Sacramento, there was just four, they weren't old, they were like older women. And they were furious in the front row. So I kept like looking over at them going.

• 48:57Speaker 02

  They were like, nope. But then they started laughing at some inappropriate stuff and I'd turn around and go, you like that? You like pedophile stuff? That's crazy.

• 49:06Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, there was a lady I thought I could have sworn hated me. The like, this episode is brought to you by AG1. Dude, real quick, gotta tell you guys about this.

• 49:15Speaker 02

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• 49:15Matt McCusker?

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• 49:56Matt McCusker?

  And for a limited time only, get a free immune support bundle, including omega-3 fish oil and vitamin D3 plus K2 with your first subscription to AG1 Next Gen or AG1 Pro. That's drink AG1.com/secretpod. This episode is brought to you by Mint Mobile.

• 50:12Speaker 02

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• 50:13Matt McCusker?

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• 50:20Speaker 02

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• 50:29Matt McCusker?

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• 50:49Speaker 02

  Incredible.

• 50:50Matt McCusker?

  Through this whole show, and then I finally went to talk to her and she was like, laaah. I'm like, oh, you're fucking hammered.

• 50:55Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 50:56Matt McCusker?

  I was like, the whole time I was over here fucking worried. I thought you were pissed off. You're just so drunk.

• 51:00Speaker 02

  I'll never forget, uh, at Bananas. I had the meanest woman. She had like a, she had like a buzz cut, almost. She was like an older, yeah. She had that like old lady, like short hair and she was big. She was like strong, too.

• 51:15Matt McCusker?

  Dang.

• 51:15Speaker 02

  And her friends were a little unhappy, but she was furious. And I was like, oh, you're the one who arranged this, huh? Cause you feel terrible about how bad this is. And she was like, yeah. And I was like, I just remember calling her Mike Ditka. I was like, if you're here, who's coaching the 1985 Chicago Bears? Obviously she didn't get it, but I was like, trust me, when the lights come on, you're gonna see how much this lady looks like Mike Ditka and we're all gonna have a laugh. This was like five minutes into my set. The rest of the shit, it was so bad.

• 51:45Matt McCusker?

  Dude, that's fucking devastating.

• 51:47Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 51:48Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, did the audience support the Mike Ditka joke?

• 51:50Speaker 02

  When the lights came on at the end of the show, everyone honestly laughed. It was, it was, Nate, I think you were at that. Yeah. And that was O'Connor. O'Connor, was that the one, O'Connor just did my jokes twice?

• 52:02Speaker 02

  It was really funny.

• 52:03Matt McCusker?

  I forget what he was doing, but he kept.

• 52:05Speaker 02

  He was going, yo, you guys like Trump? Hell, yeah. He said something like that during the first show and I was like.

• 52:11Matt McCusker?

  What the fuck?

• 52:12Speaker 02

  Alright, that's a little, it's a little close. And then he gets off stage and he's like, dude, my bad. I want that. I was just, I was just talking. I didn't even think about it. And I was like, no, it's fine. I don't give a shit. Second show. Yo, what up? Hell, yeah, dude. You guys fucking love joking beers, blah, blah. I was like, damn, dude, that's my whole fucking shit.

• 52:31Speaker 02

  Yeah, it was a bad show. Then got up there, called a lady, Mike Dicker.

• 52:34Matt McCusker?

  That's awesome.

• 52:35Speaker 02

  I think I fought with the manager. I was looking at the wall and there was like a good comedian. I forget who it was. I was like, damn, you guys had him here? She was like, yeah, I wish he was here tonight. And I was like, I wish I was somewhere else.

• 52:45Matt McCusker?

  Yeah.

• 52:46Speaker 02

  The fuck?

• 52:47Matt McCusker?

  Ding, in the middle of your set.

• 52:48Speaker 02

  At a different club. No, no, it was right before the show.

• 52:50Matt McCusker?

  Even still, that's even worse.

• 52:52Speaker 02

  Yeah, it was in the hall and they had like pictures of comedians. She was like, oh, you guys had him? She was like, yeah, I wish he was here.

• 52:56Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, I'm actually remember you telling me that. That's fucking, what the hell is wrong with that lady, man?

• 53:00Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 53:01Matt McCusker?

  I remember back in the day, I made fun of an older lady. It was like, I was doing like a bar show in New Jersey. I made fun of an older lady's shirt and it was like a crazy, like shiny shirt this lady had on. And just, I, it was, I thought it was pretty funny, but like she got really sad and the whole crowd turned on me.

• 53:16Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 53:16Matt McCusker?

  And I was like, alright, note to self.

• 53:18Speaker 02

  Yeah, you can't make fun of older ladies.

• 53:19Matt McCusker?

  Can't slander, and their gear, her gear. I like kind of, she, I think she started it to be fair, that it's kind of like crushed her gear and she got really sad.

• 53:27Speaker 02

  Yeah, they always start it.

• 53:29Matt McCusker?

  Yeah.

• 53:29Speaker 02

  You're never just out of nowhere being like, look at this ugly bitch. No.

• 53:33Matt McCusker?

  No, I wouldn't do that. And she was, I was just making fun of her shirt, but yeah, I've been, I've been getting attacked here and there. I've been getting, I've been getting kind of, there's been some uprisings against me here in these weekends, but we've been having fun. We've been holding it down. I'm on a new frontier right now.

• 53:47Speaker 02

  Hold it down, just go fuck it, fuck this show, fuck you.

• 53:50Matt McCusker?

  No, I've been having a, I've been having a good time. I honestly have. But yeah, a couple, I have a couple mutinies on my hands. Couple lady, I just have a lady spazzing on me right now.

• 53:59Speaker 02

  I'm glad I missed it. In Sacramento Nate Diaz was just like circling the stage. He was like, he's like, you didn't see me out there? I was like, no, I didn't see you. And he's like, dude, I was right there. I was like, what do you mean? He was like, I walked around the stage. And then he walked around the upper ring and just took pictures of people the whole time. I was like, dude, you're a dickhead.

• 54:19Matt McCusker?

  That's so fucking funny.

• 54:20Speaker 02

  Yeah, if I would have seen him, I'd be like, oh.

• 54:22Matt McCusker?

  That's hilarious.

• 54:23Speaker 02

  Yeah, he's very funny. His squad was rowdy. They were very funny.

• 54:27Matt McCusker?

  Squad's nice. I've peeked them in action before.

• 54:28Speaker 02

  They were so funny. One of them showed up, the drunkest I've ever seen.

• 54:32Matt McCusker?

  Really?

• 54:32Speaker 02

  Yeah. And he stayed alive the entire time.

• 54:36Matt McCusker?

  Dang.

• 54:36Speaker 02

  He showed up like, and I was like, holy fuck dude, I've never seen him like this. And then he, he was like, what are you doing right now? And I was like, I'm about to go on stage. He's like, oh shit, I forgot. I was like, yeah dude, this is the show.

• 54:51Matt McCusker?

  I liked, I liked when that kid projectile vomited the one time. Last time I was with you.

• 54:55Speaker 02

  Oh, in the green room?

• 54:56Matt McCusker?

  Yeah.

• 54:57Speaker 02

  After the show?

• 54:57Matt McCusker?

  Projectile vomited.

• 54:58Speaker 02

  I think that was my cousin's, like nephew or some shit.

• 55:03Matt McCusker?

  And then stayed?

• 55:04Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 55:04Matt McCusker?

  Just hung the whole time?

• 55:05Speaker 02

  Yeah. That was, that was one where people like, is it cool if he comes? And I was like, yeah, that's fine. Fucking threw up everywhere in the green room, came back.

• 55:13Matt McCusker?

  I mean, it was, it was literally, it was a trail that was like 20 something feet long.

• 55:16Speaker 02

  Yeah, no one cleaned it. Everyone just put paper plates.

• 55:18Matt McCusker?

  I know. They're like, be careful.

• 55:20Speaker 02

  Just put paper plates over the vomit.

• 55:22Matt McCusker?

  Dude, it was like 15 foot trail that he then I think just threw up into his hands. He projectile while he was walking. And then just like trying to hold it in his hands so it dripped all the way to the bathroom. It was long.

• 55:34Speaker 02

  And he stayed, yeah.

• 55:35Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, he just chilled.

• 55:35Speaker 02

  Just walked right back in.

• 55:36Matt McCusker?

  I couldn't believe it. I was like, well, where is the kid now? Like, oh, he's right out there. And I was like, he didn't leave? You think someone would either make him leave or he would want to leave? Crazy. That was such a wild move.

• 55:46Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 55:47Matt McCusker?

  Just sit there like, oh man, fucking threw up all over the party. I'm just gonna sit here.

• 55:56Matt McCusker?

  That sucks dude, the moment, because I would be in denial if I was about to throw up, I'd be like, nah, me, never.

• 56:02Speaker 02

  Never.

• 56:02Matt McCusker?

  Not at the after show, not at the green room, not happening, no way.

• 56:06Speaker 02

  Not now, not now.

• 56:07Matt McCusker?

  For like, seven feet in front of me.

• 56:09Speaker 02

  Trying to run to the toilet.

• 56:10Matt McCusker?

  Ah, I can still get this.

• 56:12Speaker 02

  Trying to get to the toilet, thrown up.

• 56:16Speaker 02

  Yeah, that's, that's awful.

• 56:18Matt McCusker?

  You should have brought him before you.

• 56:20Speaker 02

  Yeah, I should have said, bring that boy.

• 56:21Matt McCusker?

  Bring me that boy, yeah.

• 56:22Speaker 02

  I would have paused the Xbox. And said, where is he?

• 56:25Matt McCusker?

  Bring me this boy.

• 56:27Speaker 02

  Neil, rise of night.

• 56:30Matt McCusker?

  Yeah dude, me and Gardini's goom sesh in the, um, in for no G O O M. We're in the airport with the Switch, so nice.

• 56:39Speaker 02

  Yeah, you can't get, you got a hold of a Switch on the way to Australia and played

• 56:44Matt McCusker?

  Yes.

• 56:44Speaker 02

  15 straight hours of Mario Tennis.

• 56:47Matt McCusker?

  I mean, sure, you sure?

• 56:48Speaker 02

  I didn't want to say anything.

• 56:48Matt McCusker?

  You sure you don't want this?

• 56:49Speaker 02

  Yeah, I'm alright.

• 56:50Matt McCusker?

  I kept asking, I'm like, yeah, you can have this.

• 56:51Speaker 02

  Nah, I could see how much you enjoyed it.

• 56:52Matt McCusker?

  Oh my god, I was having a blast playing that.

• 56:54Speaker 02

  I know how you get on a Switch.

• 56:55Matt McCusker?

  Dude, true, I get that little switchy.

• 56:57Speaker 02

  Mm-hmm.

• 56:58Matt McCusker?

  But yeah, we had the, uh, we were sitting there playing and it like, I would be like, alright dude chill. And as soon as I get knocked out of like, third place, I'm like, boom! Just packed airport.

• 57:08Speaker 02

  It's bullshit, how many red shells are you gonna fucking get, dude? I'm only getting green.

• 57:13Speaker 04

  I thought it was funny because we saw the guy with the Oculus

• 57:17Matt McCusker?

  Yeah.

• 57:17Speaker 04

  in Austin Airport and we were both like, look at this fucking piece of shit.

• 57:20Speaker 02

  He's literally wearing an Oculus?

• 57:21Matt McCusker?

  Yes, and he was going like this.

• 57:22Speaker 04

  And he was scrolling with his fingers.

• 57:24Matt McCusker?

  Like, literally hitting his damn head. It was, dude, I got a picture of him, but it was, uh...

• 57:28Speaker 02

  Lemare would have no problem hitting the Oculus. No, in public.

• 57:33Speaker 03

  I was thinking about it last time I was on the airplane, I was like, I should pull my

• 57:35Speaker 02

  Hit an Oculus on the flight?

• 57:37Speaker 03

  Yeah, it was in my seat.

• 57:39Matt McCusker?

  You should do it, and this, next time go like this. Anytime you hit bump, show.

• 57:44Speaker 02

  Yeah, put the Oculus on and then just be like...

• 57:50Speaker 02

  It's a little nine eleven simulated.

• 57:54Speaker 04

  I was laughing though because then we were in Florida flying home and I was like, these old people are looking at us the same way for playing the switch that we were looking at that guy for.

• 58:03Matt McCusker?

  Nah, that old man was loving it dude.

• 58:05Speaker 02

  How, who were you playing with? You struck me as a Toadman.

• 58:08Speaker 04

  I do like Toad a lot and I got the hamburger head in the new Mario Kart, so I really like that costume, but I like Lakitu too.

• 58:15Speaker 02

  Who's that?

• 58:15Speaker 04

  He's just a little turtle guy, but I have a fisherman costume for him, so I.

• 58:19Speaker 02

  Oh, nice.

• 58:20Matt McCusker?

  Dude.

• 58:22Speaker 04

  Oh my god.

• 58:24Speaker 02

  You gotta ball tap this fucking guy.

• 58:26Matt McCusker?

  He was going like that. I think there was like a function where you go like this with your fingers. He was going. I was like, bro, take it off. Yeah, play a little Mario Kart in the airport. It's nothing. That was crazy.

• 58:39Speaker 02

  Plugged into a truck, dude. He's from the future. He's got AirPods. He's plugged into.

• 58:46Matt McCusker?

  I know.

• 58:47Speaker 02

  A portable charger in his suitcase it looks like.

• 58:50Matt McCusker?

  He was literally going.

• 58:51Speaker 04

  He was elsewhere.

• 58:52Speaker 02

  Yeah, this is a future man.

• 58:53Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, it was pretty crazy, man.

• 58:54Speaker 02

  A cool vest.

• 58:55Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, it was, it's pretty nice.

• 58:58Speaker 04

  It pissed me off so much.

• 58:59Matt McCusker?

  I think he was a military guy though, so I was like, maybe he's like, could have been like drone striking.

• 59:03Speaker 04

  Palantir.

• 59:04Speaker 02

  Yeah, he could have been killing some. Good for him.

• 59:07Matt McCusker?

  That one was wild, man.

• 59:09Speaker 02

  Yeah, that's.

• 59:09Matt McCusker?

  And he held it for a while.

• 59:11Speaker 02

  I wouldn't, I didn't put an Oculus on unless I locked my door and was in my room.

• 59:15Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, you would, that's.

• 59:16Speaker 02

  If anyone saw that.

• 59:18Matt McCusker?

  It'd be tough.

• 59:18Speaker 02

  So, but wearing a fucking virtual mask.

• 59:21Matt McCusker?

  Especially if I had one on, because what I'd be doing with it, I'd have to definitely lock the door.

• 59:31Speaker 02

  Yeah, Chris and Tommy had no problem playing it.

• 59:33Matt McCusker?

  That's so funny. I mean, that is, and it does sound kind of fun. Oh no, he was on, these were Apple Pro Vision, so he was, he was doing Apple Pro augmented reality, so he could see you. But it was just like his apps.

• 59:47Speaker 02

  He was just.

• 59:51Speaker 02

  He, yeah, if somebody's wearing an Oculus in public, you can ball tap.

• 59:54Matt McCusker?

  Yeah.

• 59:55Speaker 02

  You have to.

• 59:56Matt McCusker?

  No, he was, these are vision pros, but yeah, Oculus would be crazy.

• 59:59Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 59:59Matt McCusker?

  He'd be totally blind, but he would just go.

• 1:00:03Speaker 02

  Jesus Christ.

• 1:00:05Matt McCusker?

  He was just bringing his text closer.

• 1:00:08Speaker 02

  Enhance.

• 1:00:10Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, it was tough. It was a tough look. I don't know. Maybe, maybe there's, you know, I think there's might be babes that are into that kind of shit if you're just fucking completely futuristic.

• 1:00:18Matt McCusker?

  Maybe, you know, we'll see. Someone, there's someone for everybody.

• 1:00:21Speaker 02

  Yeah, there is.

• 1:00:22Matt McCusker?

  Just another babe with vision pro. You see each other's bitmoji screens at each other. It'd be nice.

• 1:00:30Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:00:30Matt McCusker?

  I didn't realize he was plugged in the whole time.

• 1:00:32Speaker 02

  Yeah, he's plugged in.

• 1:00:33Matt McCusker?

  Dang dude.

• 1:00:34Speaker 02

  Connected to the grid.

• 1:00:35Matt McCusker?

  That's fucking crazy.

• 1:00:36Speaker 02

  Fucking crazy.

• 1:00:38Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, the, or the, yeah, Apple Pro or even Oculus in public, I would definitely steer away. That's crazy.

• 1:00:44Speaker 02

  No.

• 1:00:45Matt McCusker?

  Switch, two-player switch with the, the screen on a suitcase, totally fine.

• 1:00:50Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:00:50Matt McCusker?

  There's an old man, he was 80 years old, just watching us play, just completely blown away, but like, what is that thing? We're like trying to explain it to him and he's like, that is so cool.

• 1:00:59Speaker 02

  That's nice.

• 1:01:00Matt McCusker?

  It was really nice. And I, we ended up sitting next to him on the plane. He was a man. He was, he was like a almond farmer in, in Sactown actually.

• 1:01:06Speaker 02

  Oh nice.

• 1:01:07Matt McCusker?

  From Sactown.

• 1:01:08Speaker 04

  Remember when he was like, you guys gotta join the Space Force because I think you're gonna be able to get to the moon pretty soon.

• 1:01:13Matt McCusker?

  Yeah.

• 1:01:14Speaker 04

  He was telling us to go to the moon.

• 1:01:16Speaker 02

  Oh man.

• 1:01:16Speaker 04

  It was pretty sweet.

• 1:01:17Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, I was like, bro, I'm 40, I'm not joining the fucking Space Force. Half as old as you.

• 1:01:23Speaker 04

  He's very optimistic. I liked it.

• 1:01:25Matt McCusker?

  He was.

• 1:01:26Speaker 04

  The future is bright. I'm so sad I'm not young for this time.

• 1:01:29Speaker 02

  That's why.

• 1:01:29Matt McCusker?

  Yeah.

• 1:01:30Speaker 02

  He's about to die.

• 1:01:31Matt McCusker?

  Yeah.

• 1:01:31Speaker 02

  He's going, damn, the future's gonna be so sick. I'm gonna fuck, so much FOMO.

• 1:01:35Matt McCusker?

  True. He did massive FOMO.

• 1:01:38Speaker 02

  He was playing Mario Kart at the fucking airport.

• 1:01:40Matt McCusker?

  Yeah dude. He saw me and showed me like, blue shell. Yo, I said, blue shell.

• 1:01:45Speaker 02

  He'd be going, what the fuck is a blue shell?

• 1:01:48Speaker 02

  You go and hits the guy in first, he's like, how did I come up with this shit?

• 1:01:53Speaker 02

  We're gonna be on Mars in no time.

• 1:01:59Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, cuz I be sitting there, be like, dude, I hit a shortcut, and he's probably like, what the fuck?

• 1:02:02Speaker 02

  This guy's a fucking freak.

• 1:02:04Matt McCusker?

  It was so fucked up.

• 1:02:05Speaker 02

  This guy must be Top Gun.

• 1:02:08Matt McCusker?

  That was so fun. That was, man, I was sad to be able to put that thing away.

• 1:02:14Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, it's unbelievable. Gotta get the switchy. Especially to the stranger, be like, yo, take the controller. Sean was nice, too. He was kinda killing it, man.

• 1:02:26Speaker 02

  You're what?

• 1:02:29Speaker 02

  You're sweaty gamer?

• 1:02:29Speaker 04

  Sweaty gamer when it comes to car.

• 1:02:31Speaker 02

  Yeah, you get serious.

• 1:02:33Speaker 04

  It was just a game, I don't really care.

• 1:02:34Speaker 02

  The UFC losses send you home every time. Anytime we play UFC, he loses like, three. And he goes, I have to go, actually.

• 1:02:43Speaker 04

  It's just a game, I don't even really care.

• 1:02:45Speaker 02

  Rips a hot snack and screams.

• 1:02:48Matt McCusker?

  We do gotta reestablish rank. We haven't reestablished rank.

• 1:02:51Speaker 02

  The ranks are settled, dude. I just put on a clinic. No, there's no power vacuum. It's a bloodbath, dude.

• 1:02:58Speaker 04

  Someone at the Naples shows was asking us to pod tournament UFC again.

• 1:03:02Speaker 02

  Oh, well, their wish could be granted. We could do that right now. No, Nate and I stayed up, had a couple cocktails on Sunday, and I might have beat him 20 straight games.

• 1:03:17Matt McCusker?

  It was bad. It was a bad one.

• 1:03:20Matt McCusker?

  But I was hammered. I showed up drunk at like, 6. That was like, 2:30.

• 1:03:24Speaker 02

  I showed up, I was drunk.

• 1:03:25Matt McCusker?

  True.

• 1:03:26Speaker 02

  I was drinking on the plane.

• 1:03:27Matt McCusker?

  True, shit. Yeah, no handicap.

• 1:03:31Speaker 02

  Yeah, nice try.

• 1:03:32Matt McCusker?

  Damn. That is my favorite, though. When you get drunk and someone's beating you in a video game, you go, yeah, you fucking, like, you feel good about this, huh?

• 1:03:39Speaker 02

  I did that, I got soda with that, in like, a real way. Soda couldn't beat me in NCAA, and then we came home from the bar, and I was hammered and he's sober.

• 1:03:47Matt McCusker?

  Yeah.

• 1:03:48Speaker 02

  He just beat the shit out of me. It was like, 3 a.m. I'm just sitting there, and I was like, you feel real good about this? Oh, you're fucking going, yeah, oh, running up the score, you feel cool? And he was like, honestly, no. He's like, I don't like this. And I was like, alright, let's go to bed, dude, you won.

• 1:04:06Matt McCusker?

  I don't like this.

• 1:04:07Speaker 02

  Yeah, he was like, dude, this sucks. You're being like, really mean. Just losing and being so nasty.

• 1:04:14Matt McCusker?

  It's such a funny.

• 1:04:15Speaker 02

  You think you're fucking tough, dude. Fucking beat me when I'm drunk, dude. Meanwhile, I was like, yo, let's play NCAA.

• 1:04:23Speaker 02

  He did run the score up. It was fucking brutal.

• 1:04:26Matt McCusker?

  It's just funny to have like your remaining faculties and just be like, you're a fucking piece of shit.

• 1:04:33Matt McCusker?

  You can barely see.

• 1:04:34Speaker 02

  Just a soot. It's so nice. It's like, you fucking cocksucker, dude.

• 1:04:39Matt McCusker?

  You think you're really fucking cool. Your brain is just like fizzing out. It's just like, you know, you're a real piece of shit.

• 1:04:46Matt McCusker?

  The last four centers are lit up.

• 1:04:51Matt McCusker?

  That's so fucking funny. But that is, yeah, that'll get you. Yeah. If you're, uh, you're trying to, if you're drunk and gaming, it's not at your best.

• 1:05:00Speaker 02

  Yeah, it must be. He, you handled it well. He had, he was like, he was like Rudy Rudiger. He kept being like, dude, one more play. Run it back. Same matchup. I was like, dude, these are first round knockouts with like insane knockouts. He would try to go to the ground. I would just submit.

• 1:05:17Matt McCusker?

  I had moments where I was locking in. I was, I had moments and I kept thinking, I was like, the next.

• 1:05:22Speaker 02

  You did have, there was, obviously there was 20 games. You're gonna get like, you're gonna get close.

• 1:05:26Matt McCusker?

  I agree though. If you get knocked out fast, I have the same thing where I'm like, I, I know, where I'm like, I know what I did. I know what I did. I got your game mapped out. Let's fire it up. And then you get knocked out again. You go, fuck. What am I not thinking of right now?

• 1:05:39Speaker 00

  That's, that's what I, maybe when I focused enough that I like look hard, scratch up my. And do work, get knocked out.

• 1:05:46Speaker 02

  You just see yourself. You see your guy get knocked out in more clarity.

• 1:05:51Matt McCusker?

  That's all it is.

• 1:05:52Speaker 00

  Shit.

• 1:05:52Matt McCusker?

  I know.

• 1:05:53Speaker 00

  I was real focused though, getting my ass whooped.

• 1:05:57Speaker 02

  Yeah. And then he wouldn't leave. He was, he.

• 1:06:00Matt McCusker?

  He dug in?

• 1:06:00Speaker 02

  He lingered. I went to bed while he was still in my house.

• 1:06:04Matt McCusker?

  Were you practicing?

• 1:06:05Speaker 00

  I was having a good time. I was watching.

• 1:06:07Speaker 02

  They put up Sixers highlights and then he was like, oh shit, my Uber's 18 minutes away. I was like, I'm, I'm going to bed, bro. And then I laid in there and the fucking, it was so loud. I'm just listening to the lady announcer from the 76ers screaming.

• 1:06:21Speaker 00

  She's the best.

• 1:06:21Speaker 02

  She is actually really great.

• 1:06:22Speaker 00

  Kate's the best.

• 1:06:23Speaker 02

  I'm usually, I'm usually very opposed to, to that.

• 1:06:26Speaker 00

  But she's actually good. She's a, she's a man. She's like one of the top.

• 1:06:29Speaker 02

  Oh, really?

• 1:06:29Speaker 00

  Yeah, yeah.

• 1:06:29Speaker 02

  Yeah, she's good.

• 1:06:30Speaker 00

  Yeah. Yeah, Kate.

• 1:06:33Speaker 02

  Oh, no, man.

• 1:06:34Speaker 00

  Don't, don't talk about Kate Scott like that. Don't talk about my sweet angel Kate Scott.

• 1:06:38Speaker 02

  Yeah, no, she rules.

• 1:06:40Speaker 00

  She's the best.

• 1:06:41Matt McCusker?

  I've, I've yet to see her.

• 1:06:44Speaker 02

  Well, it's probably an hour, huh?

• 1:06:45Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, it's gotta be.

• 1:06:47Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:06:49Speaker 02

  Don't worry about it, Nate. Were you gonna say no?

• 1:06:54Speaker 02

  Where are we at?

• 1:06:56Matt McCusker?

  Fifty-nine, you say?

• 1:06:58Speaker 02

  Why the fuck would you do that?

• 1:07:01Speaker 02

  Well, actually, no. Not an hour.

• 1:07:05Matt McCusker?

  He did it.

• 1:07:06Speaker 02

  Well.

• 1:07:06Matt McCusker?

  Now.

• 1:07:07Speaker 02

  What do you think, a little UFC?

• 1:07:08Matt McCusker?

  Now the listener's gonna go, "Oh, that's an hour."

• 1:07:10Speaker 02

  Now I finished.

• 1:07:11Matt McCusker?

  They're gonna bust at the end.

• 1:07:13Speaker 02

  Everybody finished. Go fast right now. We need you to go fast. Don't go, "Ooh, you're about to do it. Yes."

• 1:07:21Speaker 02

  Well, goodbye.

• 1:07:23Matt McCusker?

  Watch new episodes of Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast on Spotify.

• 1:07:26Speaker 02

  Do it.

• 1:07:33Speaker 05

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• 1:08:03Speaker 06

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