#627 - Leanne Morgan

Leanne Morgan is a stand up comedian and actress. Her new special “Unspeakable Things” and her show “Leanne” are both streaming on Netflix. Leanne joins Theo to talk about surviving some wild years at the University of Tennessee, how her longtime husband Chuck convinced her to do comedy, and what country singer she owes a casserole. Leanne Morgan: https://www.instagram.com/leannemorgancomedy/ ------------------------------------------------ Tour Dates! https://theovon.com/tour New Merch: https://www.theovonstore.com ------------------------------------------------- Sponsored By: Celsius: Go to the Celsius Amazon store to check out all of their flavors. #CELSIUSBrandPartner #CELSIUSLiveFit https://amzn.to/3HbAtPJ Shopify: Go to http://shopify.com/thispastweekend to get started building. Better Help: This show is sponsored by BetterHelp. Go to http://betterhelp.com/theo to get 10% off your first month! PDS Debt: Go to http://pdsdebt.com/theo for your free, personalized assessment Modiphy: Visit https://modiphy.com/theo to get 50% off the last website you’ll ever need. Perplexity AI: Ask anything at https://pplx.ai/theo and download their new web browser Comet at https://comet.perplexity.ai/ ------------------------------------------------- Music: “Shine” by Bishop Gunn Bishop Gunn - Shine ------------------------------------------------ Submit your funny videos, TikToks, questions and topics you'd like to hear on the podcast to: [email protected] Hit the Hotline: 985-664-9503 Video Hotline for Theo Upload here: https://www.theovon.com/fan-upload Send mail to: This Past Weekend 1906 Glen Echo Rd PO Box #159359 Nashville, TN 37215 ------------------------------------------------ Find Theo: Website: https://theovon.com Instagram: https://instagram.com/theovon Facebook: https://facebook.com/theovon Facebook Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/thispastweekend Twitter: https://twitter.com/theovon YouTube: https://youtube.com/theovon Clips Channel: https://www.youtube.com/c/TheoVonClips Shorts Channel: https://bit.ly/3ClUj8z ------------------------------------------------ Producer: Zach https://www.instagram.com/zachdpowers Producer: Trevyn https://www.instagram.com/trevyn.s/ Producer: Nick https://www.instagram.com/realnickdavis/ Producer: Andrew https://www.instagram.com/bleachmediaofficial/ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Speaker names marked ? are inferred from speaking time and the show’s known hosts — they are not voice-verified.

• 0:00Speaker 00

  Coca-Cola. For the big, for the small, the short and the tall. Peacemakers, risk takers. For the optimists, pessimists. For long distance love. For introverts and extroverts. The thinkers and the doers. For old friends and new. Coca-Cola. For everyone. Pick up some Coca-Cola at a store near you.

• 0:30Theo Von?

  Today's guest is a stand-up comedian. She's an actress. She's a writer. Her new special, Unspeakable Things, is out now on Netflix, as well as her series, Leann. I had a great time getting to know her and spend time with one of my favorites, Leann Morgan.

• 1:05Theo Von?

  No, I just, my hair, I feel like my hair just got out of the dryer. You ever feel like that?

• 1:09Speaker 02

  Um, yeah, but you are stunning.

• 1:13Theo Von?

  I don't know if I want to be damn stun- I'm not stunning. Maybe I'm stunning in like a, like if people are trapped in a mine or something and I walk up, they're like, god damn, who's that model? You know, if people have been trapped in like a mine for like a month.

• 1:26Speaker 02

  In Kentucky? Um, but no, I think, I've always thought you were beautiful. And I, you know that-

• 1:31Theo Von?

  I don't want to be beautiful, Leann. That's insane statements to call someone.

• 1:33Speaker 02

  What do you mean, handsome?

• 1:34Theo Von?

  Yeah, I just want to be a handsome guy, yeah. Guy looks healthy enough, right?

• 1:39Speaker 02

  But you've got that beautiful skin tone.

• 1:41Theo Von?

  Oh, well, that's, I will take that. Thank you, baby.

• 1:43Speaker 02

  I know. You don't need a spray tan.

• 1:45Theo Von?

  Thank you, baby girl.

• 1:46Speaker 02

  You're welcome.

• 1:48Theo Von?

  I appreciate that. Good to see you. What's going on today?

• 1:53Speaker 02

  Oh, my darling. I'm so tickled to be here. Thank you for having me. This is my Super Bowl, as the young people say. I mean, I really feel that way. All right. I don't know if, you don't know this, but I saw you, was that on Last Comic Standing? In LA? Gary Marshall was one of the-

• 2:13Theo Von?

  Gary Marshall from the department store? Who are you talking about?

• 2:17Speaker 02

  Gary Marshall that did Laverne and Shirley. He was one of the judges.

• 2:22Theo Von?

  Gary Marshall, bring him up.

• 2:24Speaker 02

  You were a baby and you did Last Comic Standing. I saw you do a set in LA. It was on NBC.

• 2:32Theo Von?

  Okay, Gary Marshall.

• 2:34Speaker 02

  You were right. That was Last Comic Standing, right? With April Macey was on there.

• 2:37Theo Von?

  Yep.

• 2:38Speaker 02

  She assimilated a fellatio.

• 2:41Theo Von?

  She did?

• 2:42Speaker 02

  In her set. She did. You talked about your little daddy being old when he had you and all that. And you killed and I fell in love with you then.

• 2:56Theo Von?

  Well, you're an angel.

• 2:57Speaker 02

  And then I got to see you do a full set at the Hollywood Improv. David Spade was on the show with you. He came out first and I love him. And then you, I had my daughters with me and we laughed until we were weak. And you did a full plank on a stool for, I don't know, seven minutes?

• 3:16Theo Von?

  Yeah, and that's part of the ticket cost. I include that.

• 3:20Theo Von?

  That ain't extra, okay?

• 3:23Speaker 02

  And then we got to meet you and you remember their names?

• 3:26Theo Von?

  Oh, I do remember that.

• 3:27Speaker 02

  And there was a bunch of girls that looked maybe like porn girls. That were wanting to talk to you.

• 3:35Theo Von?

  Oh, good.

• 3:36Speaker 02

  Mm-hmm. Had on high heels and tight breeches and...

• 3:39Theo Von?

  God, I'm so lonely, but go on.

• 3:43Speaker 02

  And they were beautiful girls around you and...

• 3:46Theo Von?

  God, I wish they were still here, but go on.

• 3:49Speaker 02

  And then, and then I always, all my friends are at Zany's and they get, and they always tell me they get to be with you and I don't get to be with you. Cause I live in Knoxville or I'm out on the road working like a mule.

• 3:59Theo Von?

  That's what it is.

• 4:00Speaker 02

  Or living in Los Angeles.

• 4:02Theo Von?

  Well, when are you just gonna settle down, Leanne?

• 4:04Speaker 02

  I don't know. I mean, I'm 60. Did you know I turned 60 in October?

• 4:08Theo Von?

  You are 60? Gosh, girl.

• 4:11Speaker 02

  I didn't even say that in front of you.

• 4:12Theo Von?

  No, it's fine, honey. I didn't even know 60 could be like that. God, I wanna be 60 just for a half hour with you. You know, my god.

• 4:22Speaker 02

  Thank you, my darling. You know, I've got two grandbabies.

• 4:24Theo Von?

  You do? Don't even, now don't tell me that. Just tell me you're sixty. I like that part. Do you do? Really?

• 4:31Speaker 02

  Yes.

• 4:31Theo Von?

  Well, yeah, I mean, congratulations, A, on having a family. Obviously, that's something that's super important to you. I met your husband Chuck. I met him. Was that his name?

• 4:40Speaker 02

  You met Chuck Morgan where?

• 4:42Theo Von?

  Yes, I met him at the frickin', with Morgan Wall. It was more-

• 4:46Speaker 02

  Oh, yeah, at the ballgame. At the ballgame. Go Vols. You know, I'm a Vols for life. I went to the University of Tennessee. Oh, yes, Chuck Morgan was there. That's right. Chuck Morgan was lingering around. We met Peyton Manning. And he's worried death about Arch. He's having to tend to Arch at Texas, who is beautiful and precious. I know his daddy, Cooper. I know Cooper, but I never met Peyton, so I was tickled about that. And then I know Tony Vitello. We're friends.

• 5:13Theo Von?

  Oh, he's great.

• 5:14Speaker 02

  Is he not, darling?

• 5:15Theo Von?

  I know. He's great. I'm, I know that they're all gonna miss him over there, but I know that they're all supportive of him. He's just the kinda guy you have to support as he makes those choices, but god, he is just a great guy. There's some great people over there. And, yeah, and, um, yeah, that was fun, though. Had you met Morgan before?

• 5:32Speaker 02

  Yes, honey. Morgan and I did a show together when he got kicked off of The Voice.

• 5:39Theo Von?

  You told me that.

• 5:40Speaker 02

  That little thing was mowing. Had mowing equipment. And we got, both got asked to do a charity thing. I think they paid us $200. If they paid us anything, I can't remember. And he sang, and we, and we were in the back, and I promised him a casserole, because I thought he was so sweet. And darling, he goes, I'm gonna try to make it in country music. And I thought, how's that little thing gonna go? And not that I didn't think he was talented.

• 6:04Theo Von?

  No, of course, but I thought that this is so sweetie that you would even consider making a casserole for him.

• 6:08Speaker 02

  Well, he's such the age of my children.

• 6:11Theo Von?

  He's great.

• 6:12Speaker 02

  And darling.

• 6:13Theo Von?

  He is great. He does a good job. He's a smart guy.

• 6:16Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 6:17Theo Von?

  He's a smart guy. He's competitive, and he just, he's, he's really fine tuned on who he is. He's, you know, some people, they're willing to be this or that, but not Morgan is this is who I am, you know?

• 6:28Speaker 02

  I know, and he does not care. And that's a good place to be, you know, you don't care.

• 6:32Theo Von?

  I think it is.

• 6:33Speaker 02

  You do your own thing.

• 6:34Theo Von?

  Well, you've been working in comedy for, how long have you been doing comedy for? If you don't mind if I ask.

• 6:40Speaker 02

  Oh, no, I don't mind you, Angel.

• 6:42Theo Von?

  God.

• 6:43Speaker 02

  I was thirty-two when I think, when I, my baby was eighteen months old. The first time I ever opened, I opened at Zany's. I'd been, I'd been fooling around like at the Rotary. You know, like I'd take a baby to mom's day out, go and do a little something at the Rotary, make fifty dollars.

• 7:01Theo Von?

  And now were you?

• 7:01Speaker 02

  In East Tennessee.

• 7:02Theo Von?

  Okay.

• 7:03Speaker 02

  Yeah, and then I came.

• 7:04Theo Von?

  What county was that in?

• 7:05Speaker 02

  Uh, Hamlin County, Morris Town, uh huh.

• 7:08Theo Von?

  Okay, and that's where you met Chuck Morgan?

• 7:10Speaker 02

  I met him at the University of Tennessee.

• 7:12Theo Von?

  God, I knew it, huh? And what was he doing over there, just loitering or was he enrolled?

• 7:18Speaker 02

  I was probably the one loitering.

• 7:19Theo Von?

  Okay.

• 7:20Speaker 02

  He was enrolled, getting a master's, an MBA, and I was trying to finish up a undergraduate that took me several years, Theo, because I, um.

• 7:29Theo Von?

  Drank.

• 7:30Speaker 02

  I wasn't drinking.

• 7:31Theo Von?

  You weren't?

• 7:32Speaker 02

  I was smoking cigarettes.

• 7:33Theo Von?

  That's fine, honey.

• 7:34Speaker 02

  With Diet Coke and coffee.

• 7:35Theo Von?

  Oh, that's fine.

• 7:36Speaker 02

  And I was, and I was, I was not going to class, I was having to flirt with people to get notes. I didn't care, and I wish I'd have cared, but I was doing stuff like that and, and making out with people.

• 7:49Theo Von?

  Yeah, oh, God, yeah.

• 7:51Speaker 02

  Like Italian boys, because I, I never seen one. Okay, so I was raised like right outside of Nashville in a town of five hundred people, a farming community. So everybody was the same, so when I got to U T, I was like, and I, you know, went to the club.

• 8:05Theo Von?

  Oh, yeah, if you see something new, you gotta put your lips on it, you know? That's the Hamlin County motto, I think, isn't it?

• 8:11Speaker 02

  But then Chuck Morgan came to get a MBA and then.

• 8:15Theo Von?

  And was he on a horseback or something when you saw him? Was he on a damn cane corso? What was he on? He was just on a damn big dotson, wasn't he? Like, God, I think, he's got a long one on him, under him. Is Dotson a dog?

• 8:28Speaker 02

  Dotson's a dog. I've had a Dotson. Puddin'.

• 8:31Theo Von?

  Puddin?

• 8:31Speaker 02

  Yeah, she was precious.

• 8:33Theo Von?

  Well, she bring up a picture of her. Look up Puddin' Dotson.

• 8:36Speaker 02

  She was a little bitty toy, little orange, overweight, had some thyroid issues. Loved to cuss UPS trucks, but darling, oh, like another baby to me. That's a beagle. That's my beagle right now.

• 8:54Theo Von?

  That is beautiful. That's you?

• 8:56Speaker 02

  Old. Lord, that was a dress from Dillard's from the junior department that was too tight on my back. Theo!

• 9:03Theo Von?

  Honey, look, baby girl, I know I used to have shoes that weren't mine growing up. And I'd have to stuff the fucking edges of them. I'd have to put a hand towel around each one of my feet and put them bitches on and go to school. Look like a damn Vaudeville character or something. Fuck, it's like, damn, I look like, they used to call me Ronald McDonald's son, Little Ronnie. Hit, come on, Little Ronnie. Those fucking shoes, dude. It took me seven minutes to get off the bus from going down those steps, dude. Cause if I got out ahead of those skis, baby, it was downhill, you know? It was just slope central.

• 9:38Speaker 02

  You kill me. Louisiana, is that where you were raised?

• 9:41Theo Von?

  Yeah.

• 9:42Speaker 02

  What part of Louisiana?

• 9:44Theo Von?

  Over in, uh, St. Tammany Parish, Louisiana.

• 9:48Speaker 02

  Okay, I just did Shreveport in Baton Rouge. Is that over in the hoop-de-doo part?

• 9:54Theo Von?

  Shreveport, and I'll say it out loud, is definitely going downhill. Which is interesting for a place that's, it's flat land over there. Somehow it find a way to go down.

• 10:03Speaker 02

  I heard you said something about it when you got on stage. What'd you say?

• 10:07Theo Von?

  Everybody that look like a damn missing person, if you meet anybody in the city, the city is vacant. It looks like a movie set.

• 10:13Speaker 02

  I know, movie, the, I mean, the buildings are empty and they told me, they go, do not leave this hotel.

• 10:18Theo Von?

  Yeah.

• 10:18Speaker 02

  But I love that theater and they've got a little Elvis museum in it.

• 10:22Theo Von?

  You know?

• 10:22Speaker 02

  And Priscilla brought some britches of little Elvis that you could not get your toe in. He was so tiny.

• 10:28Theo Von?

  That's beautiful. Bring up a picture of little Elvis. How little did he get?

• 10:31Speaker 02

  Before he got in bad health, have you ever been to Graceland?

• 10:36Theo Von?

  Yes, I have.

• 10:37Speaker 02

  And you've seen his little, all those jumpsuits and you, and they were, his little waist?

• 10:43Theo Von?

  He was getting little as he got older.

• 10:45Speaker 02

  Look, there's little baby Elvises.

• 10:47Theo Von?

  Look at little Elvis right there, and they probably had him down singing already, probably 11 months old, they got him out there.

• 10:53Speaker 02

  I know, and his little daddy had written band chinks just to connect care of their family. He couldn't help it.

• 10:57Theo Von?

  And he had dysplasia, that's how he got the hips going, you know that?

• 11:00Speaker 02

  No!

• 11:01Theo Von?

  Yeah, like an Australian shepherd, that's how it happened in the beginning. He didn't know what he was doing, dude, he wasn't, you're like, he's a dancer, no, he ain't, damn, he's just got a loose back.

• 11:10Speaker 02

  Are you kidding me? Because you know that I'm gullible, you can tell that about me, you can smell it.

• 11:14Theo Von?

  Honey.

• 11:14Speaker 02

  Okay.

• 11:15Theo Von?

  Honey bun.

• 11:16Speaker 02

  He had dysplasia.

• 11:17Theo Von?

  Baby girl, I'm not joking with you, yeah, he had dysplasia, he had a damn fucking loose tailbone, dude, he was missing a couple of joists on that thing, and yeah. And he just had that tick tock in him, you know? Hell, we had an Elvis impersonator in our neighborhood, and he had the same thing. He had a thing, this guy, he broke his leg, right? He had a couple of children, he kept them on an electric fence in our neighborhood. Because they were his prized possessions, and I actually respected that. The rest of the kids in our neighborhood got real, you know, you'd be out there, and, you know, the elements would get you, you know? People smoking or getting in trouble, drinking, or people fucking catching crows and fucking picking bugs off of them and shit, just fucking loose cannon type stuff.

• 12:00Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 12:00Theo Von?

  But this fella said, well, I gotta take care of my kids, I'm gonna get me a little electric fence, right? So he had that thing, and, uh, anyway.

• 12:09Speaker 02

  He kept people out.

• 12:11Theo Von?

  Kept people out, kept the kids in.

• 12:12Speaker 02

  Kept the kids in, because my people had electric fans, and that'll keep you in.

• 12:16Theo Von?

  It was babysitter.

• 12:16Speaker 02

  You don't want to get buzzed by that thing.

• 12:18Theo Von?

  Uh-uh, you'll turn into a fucking doorbell for a couple hours, dude, that bitch, if you get hit by that bitch.

• 12:23Speaker 02

  We really were so bonehard little country kids that we would go and just stand on it to feel something.

• 12:28Theo Von?

  Oh, God. Yeah, honey, oh, I remember one time I grabbed it on accident, I couldn't fucking close my mouth for fucking four days. I couldn't close my mouth.

• 12:37Speaker 02

  Were you from firm and pit, you weren't from, you aren't rural, right?

• 12:40Theo Von?

  I couldn't, I couldn't finish a can of Campbell's around that.

• 12:45Theo Von?

  For half a week, I couldn't.

• 12:48Theo Von?

  And it was daylight savings time, too. So it was an extra hour I had to do. I was stuck like that. It was horrible. Dude, my sister, she stays. This is where I'm from. My sister and her boyfriend will stay up to watch daylight savings time. I'm like, what in the fuck are y'all doing?

• 13:04Speaker 02

  They'll stay up to watch daylight savings time.

• 13:07Theo Von?

  Yeah, they'll be like, it's 11:59 again. And then they're like, they, you know, they think it's great. I'm like, you idiot. It's the one night you get a, you get a free hour from God.

• 13:19Theo Von?

  It's God.

• 13:19Speaker 02

  I know.

• 13:20Theo Von?

  It's God caring about you finally, after all that year.

• 13:23Speaker 02

  When you feel good and you think, what happened? Oh, I got that extra hour.

• 13:27Theo Von?

  And they stay up and watch it. I'm like, what are you watching? But that's who she is.

• 13:32Speaker 02

  Is she the one that's got the beautiful babies, the boys that I've seen you interview?

• 13:36Theo Von?

  Those, no, that's my brother has those two little boys. Those are good boys. My, I'll tell you this, my family makes beautiful children.

• 13:41Speaker 02

  Beautiful.

• 13:42Theo Von?

  Thank you.

• 13:43Speaker 02

  They are beautiful. And that's why I call you beautiful, Theo, and you need to receive that.

• 13:49Theo Von?

  Got you. Thanks, girl. My best Hugh Howser impersonation, huh?

• 13:55Speaker 02

  He's skipping right now up 12th South. He knows every one of those girls and they all love him.

• 14:01Theo Von?

  Oh, he is a just.

• 14:02Speaker 02

  I met him the night that.

• 14:04Theo Von?

  He's one of a kind.

• 14:05Speaker 02

  For free, I came in open for Lady Annabelleum.

• 14:10Theo Von?

  You did?

• 14:11Speaker 02

  Uh huh. At a thing, at a thing.

• 14:13Theo Von?

  Yeah.

• 14:13Speaker 02

  Not a, not a bridge to home.

• 14:15Theo Von?

  No.

• 14:15Speaker 02

  At a.

• 14:16Theo Von?

  At a bridge.

• 14:17Speaker 02

  Charity thing.

• 14:17Theo Von?

  Yeah.

• 14:18Speaker 02

  Under the bridge. And he was in the back with his shirt unbuttoned down to his belly button with a fresh spray tan, hair extensions, and we fell in love that, you know. And so we've been good friends ever since. And now he's doing stand up.

• 14:31Theo Von?

  Oh, he's the female Michael Landon. That's what I call him.

• 14:36Theo Von?

  He's known in a lot of homoerotic circles as a ginger Michael Landon.

• 14:41Theo Von?

  He will fuck your book club up. I know that dude, just with his sheer entertainment and volume and attitude.

• 14:48Speaker 02

  Uh huh. And then he also can tell you how to do a table scape. Um, but you asked me when I started doing comedy, I opened for Billy Gardell at Zany's when my baby was 18 months old. She's out there. She's my makeup artist. She's about to turn 28. Tess.

• 15:03Theo Von?

  And she's beautiful.

• 15:04Speaker 02

  Thank you. Thank you. And she's my, she's my makeup artist on my television show and then she tours with me. And tells people she's my caregiver now.

• 15:13Theo Von?

  Oh, yeah.

• 15:15Speaker 02

  Yeah. And she don't want to be. She wants to date, you know, and meet men and it's hard with your 60 year old mother.

• 15:21Theo Von?

  Well, it's hard. Once your mother, if your mother goes downhill early, that's what they call it, going downhill early. Uh, yeah, you turn immediately like, and that's how to really, as a, as a parent, I think that's what you want to gauge. You want, right when they get out of high school or college, you want to hit that downhill. So they have to take care of you.

• 15:37Speaker 02

  So they can tend to you.

• 15:38Theo Von?

  That's how it used to be. They shouldn't get those free 10 or 12 years of joy. Into their mid 30s and that's when you start capping off. But you need to catch it. You just, you gotta hit it right at the right time. So I like your strategy really. I do like that.

• 15:52Speaker 02

  Thank you. I thought when I hit it big, I would be younger and thinner, but that's okay.

• 15:57Theo Von?

  Yeah. Tell me about some of that. So what was that like going through? Cause you, when did you say you should really start to kind of hit it big? And also I love your show on Netflix. That was the thing that I started.

• 16:06Speaker 02

  And you shared it. Thank you, my darling.

• 16:08Theo Von?

  Yeah, that's the thing I started watching. I was like, this is good. It reminded me of kind of like a Reba in a sense that it's a southern show. They hadn't had a good southern show in a long time because Hollywood hates us. And so, but finally they're like so desperate because they realized that, oh, we are human at least. That we're gonna put this great show on there and they chose you. And, um, was that scary doing that? Had you done that before? And, uh, and then when did your, when did your break start to come? Cause it kind of came a little bit later than maybe you expected or wanted.

• 16:38Speaker 02

  Oh yeah. My break came in, in my early 50s and I, I was just about to quit.

• 16:43Theo Von?

  Were you really?

• 16:44Speaker 02

  I was just about to quit. I was working a lot. I had done a dry bar. And I, and my manager-

• 16:50Theo Von?

  Drop our comedy special, yeah.

• 16:51Speaker 02

  Yeah, and my manager at the time said, "These Mormon people are doing these specials." And he said, "Nobody will ever see it. They're gonna pay you a couple of thousand dollars. You're gonna fly to Salt Lake City. We'll get some clips out of it where you can do more corporate." I was doing the Chamber of Commerce for Dubuque, Iowa.

• 17:09Theo Von?

  Oh God, I love it there.

• 17:11Speaker 02

  Dubuque's beautiful.

• 17:12Theo Von?

  You know Al Capone had a, uh-

• 17:13Speaker 02

  Yes, in that hotel.

• 17:15Theo Von?

  I love that place.

• 17:17Speaker 02

  I know, and beautiful people. There's real pretty people in Dubuque.

• 17:20Theo Von?

  Iowa's some of the best people in the world. Clear Lake, Iowa, have you been there?

• 17:23Speaker 02

  No.

• 17:24Theo Von?

  So good. It's where Buddy Holly and them, where they took off from that plane out of the surf ballroom.

• 17:28Speaker 02

  Oh murder.

• 17:29Theo Von?

  Remember hearing about that?

• 17:30Speaker 02

  Yes.

• 17:31Theo Von?

  You could still go there. It's perfectly, you can still go, you can still see the payphone that, uh, they all called their family from before they took off out of there. Anyway, not to bring it down, but that is a beautiful place if you ever get to go. There's a lot of beautiful, uh, places in Iowa. Um, but go on. So you were-

• 17:48Speaker 02

  So, uh, he said-

• 17:49Theo Von?

  In Dubuque, Iowa.

• 17:50Speaker 02

  My career was in the toilet and I thought, "Okay, I'll go and do this special." I did a bunch of old material that people hadn't seen. I was rusty. I think, I think it sucked. Um, and I did that special and some things went viral in it and, um, but I couldn't sell tickets from it. I was getting work from it, but it wasn't the work I wanted.

• 18:11Theo Von?

  Like, what do you mean? Were you getting what? Uh, pressure washing or what kind of gigs were you getting?

• 18:15Speaker 02

  Close.

• 18:16Theo Von?

  Cause dude, I've seen, I've had somebody, some guy saw me at a comedy club. He's like, "Man, I love you dude. I want you to come pressure wash at the house." And I'm like, "Well, that ain't helping me." He's like, "Two hundred bucks." I was like, "I'll be over there." I'll damn spit really fast on that siding if I have to. I don't own a pressure washing machine.

• 18:36Theo Von?

  Go on, baby darling, little baby girl.

• 18:37Speaker 02

  Corporate things, stuff that, you know, they, you, they pay you so much, but you gotta pay your travel out of it. I'd get in an Uber with a man on marijuana, drive for two hours and stay at a, at a motel on the side of the road. Think I was gonna be murdered. I mean, it just was, and it was just not good. And I got very down and I told Chuck Morgan, I said, "I'm gonna quit and I'm opening up a hardware store." And, cause I always thought that would be fun. And he said, no, you're crazy. So, but.

• 19:07Theo Von?

  Did he really say that?

• 19:08Speaker 02

  Yeah. He goes, Leon, that's crazy. You're, it's fine. You're fine. And you're, just keep going, little. And so I hired these little guys that did social media for me, these young guys who, um, knew how to do all that stuff. I didn't know. And they put out the clip where you showed that me in that tight dress from Dillard's from the juniors department. And I did a, a bit about, and I'd never done it before. I just had taken Chuck Morgan to go see Def Leppard and Journey at Thompson Bowling. And everybody looked sick and had plantar fasciitis. All the people looked banned.

• 19:41Theo Von?

  All the band members?

• 19:42Speaker 02

  All the band members.

• 19:43Theo Von?

  Oh, yeah.

• 19:43Speaker 02

  A Def Leppard guy, I think.

• 19:45Theo Von?

  Way more than Deff, yeah.

• 19:46Speaker 02

  Yeah. Tiny legs.

• 19:48Theo Von?

  Oh, God.

• 19:49Speaker 02

  Thin hair. Anyway, it must've resonated with people. And that went viral and I started selling out all of the United States. In clubs that would not have had me.

• 19:59Theo Von?

  Yeah. Wouldn't even answer your emails.

• 20:00Speaker 02

  Wouldn't answer, no. And then, or they'd had me and they're like, she's sweet. She doesn't get drunk and fight in the parking lot, but we're not having her back. She can't sell tickets. So I started selling out and then I got my first tour and then the big panty tour.

• 20:15Speaker 02

  And I was in my early 50s.

• 20:17Theo Von?

  And you were in your early 50s?

• 20:18Speaker 02

  Uh huh.

• 20:18Theo Von?

  And what was that? Do you remember the first place that you played at that it was sold out at?

• 20:23Speaker 02

  Oh, gosh. Um.

• 20:24Theo Von?

  Like first comedy club where you're like, oh my God.

• 20:27Speaker 02

  Yeah, probably, um, oh, like Off the Hook in Naples.

• 20:32Theo Von?

  Yeah. Brian's Club?

• 20:33Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 20:34Theo Von?

  Oh, Captain Brian.

• 20:35Speaker 02

  Yeah, Ca- Captain Brian.

• 20:36Theo Von?

  Dude, you're on stage and there's just serving shrimp right up between your legs, dude.

• 20:40Speaker 02

  Big platters of shrimp. I thought it was a seafood restaurant and I thought, I'm in the wrong place.

• 20:45Theo Von?

  It is a seafood restaurant.

• 20:46Speaker 02

  A lot of clanking. But it was, but I liked that stage and they were darling and I had them all.

• 20:51Theo Von?

  Oh, no, it is a seafood restaurant and you're in the right place. It's both of those things. And that's what's amazing about it. Oh, Captain Brian's done a great job over there of keeping comedy, Off the Hook Comedy Club. That's what it is.

• 21:01Speaker 02

  Yeah, in Naples or Brick Town in Oklahoma. All these places that had never had me before.

• 21:07Theo Von?

  But that was the first place that you went that.

• 21:08Speaker 02

  That was, that was one of the first places. Yeah. Yeah.

• 21:12Theo Von?

  Yeah, I was on, I was touring for probably 12 years, 13 years out there, maybe. I don't even know if it, probably about that, you know, just getting in there, lucky to be a feature, hoping you'd finally get to headline, hoping you'd hit a bonus, you wouldn't. So you were at that kind of top $1,200 a week mark, you know?

• 21:29Speaker 02

  Yes.

• 21:29Theo Von?

  And they give you 300 for travel, but you had to decide if you were just wanted to drive 18 hours or spend the $300 to fly over there, you know?

• 21:37Speaker 02

  Yes.

• 21:38Theo Von?

  Dude, hanging my food out, when I remember in Kansas City, I would, it was cold out there, so I got my groceries and I would put them in a bag and hang them out the window at night because there wasn't like a fridge in the room. I'd hang them out, I'd get them in the morning, let them thaw out and then have me a little lunch a few hours later. And yeah, just little things you would figure out over time.

• 22:00Speaker 02

  But there were some clubs that, that always, like Brian Dorfman at Zany's in Nashville, always let me play. Cap City in Austin, I consider that my home club. Chuck Morgan moved us to San Antonio for his job. So I worked the River Center and Cap City in Austin and they were really good to me.

• 22:16Theo Von?

  Wait, in Austin or San Antonio? Oh.

• 22:17Speaker 02

  San Antonio, the River Center and then LOL and then

• 22:21Theo Von?

  Cap City in Austin.

• 22:22Speaker 02

  Cap City in Austin believed in me and I would drive back and forth from San Antonio with little children. I had, I had three babies, three, five and seven. And in San Antonio, I'd get up at the late show when everybody was high on marijuana at midnight and talk about how somebody doo-dooed on a T-ball field because I was a mama, you know? I was different from all those boys. There was a lot of young boys doing Arnold Schwarzenegger impersonations.

• 22:46Theo Von?

  Oh baby girl.

• 22:46Speaker 02

  So I, so I stood out, but I, that's, I, you know, not a lot of clubs wanted to book me.

• 22:52Theo Von?

  Yeah.

• 22:53Speaker 02

  But I got to raise these children. I was, I was raising children in Knoxville, Tennessee, in Texas.

• 22:57Theo Von?

  And first of all, let me say this beautiful place Knoxville. And also, I think, I think Knoxville probably best place to see a, uh, football game. I think the best place to see an SEC football game, I haven't seen a lot of football games outside of the SEC, but man, Neyland, there's something special about it.

• 23:17Speaker 02

  It is.

• 23:17Theo Von?

  I just got to go to Ole Miss and see their game.

• 23:19Speaker 02

  I saw that you were with Lane and did y'all do hot yoga?

• 23:22Theo Von?

  Yeah, we did.

• 23:23Speaker 02

  He's been on a cleanse. I've said horrible things about Lane Kiffin onstage when I have, well, you know, he left us.

• 23:31Theo Von?

  Yeah.

• 23:31Speaker 02

  So I said some crap.

• 23:33Theo Von?

  Oh, when daddy leaves.

• 23:34Speaker 02

  But I'm sorry for it now.

• 23:36Theo Von?

  There we are right now.

• 23:37Speaker 02

  Cause he's doing, he's, you know, he's, he was cute and there was a lot of girls.

• 23:42Theo Von?

  Well, you can tell I was raised by a single mother too with how I wear that towel. I'm gonna go on ahead and say that that's why. People are like, what are you doing? I'm like, what are you doing? Okay, with your dad? Okay? So you can tell that's who I am. And those are some, uh, wonderful ladies there that were training. They was, I don't know if they were trainers or something. One of them, I think they, they work at Facebook Marketplace. I don't know what, one of them was actually going to buy a cat off of Facebook Marketplace. And I said, honey, she's like, I'm driving to Batesville to get a cat off of Facebook Marketplace. And I said, baby girl, that's a bad idea. Okay? She said it's a $60 cat. I said, I'll give you $70 right now.

• 24:20Speaker 02

  Not to go?

• 24:20Theo Von?

  Yeah, just to get you a little nap or something, you know? Just to watch cats on YouTube and get you a little shut eye.

• 24:25Speaker 02

  Oh, my Lord.

• 24:26Theo Von?

  Cause baby girl.

• 24:27Speaker 02

  I hope she made it.

• 24:28Theo Von?

  Well, I hope she made it too. And, you know, who knows? You know, you can't follow up on everything.

• 24:33Speaker 02

  But you're so busy.

• 24:36Theo Von?

  Well, you give, you give them a little bit of advice, you know? If at that point she drives off to meet somebody off of them Facebook Marketplace, at a trailer where they're like, well, we're gonna add an addition to the trailer. That is when I'm like, do not do it. Anytime, and let me make this speech right now, and I'm gonna put my hat on to make this, because I don't like my hair today. My God, I need a wife. But, um, what I'm telling you is this, okay? If, if you meet someone and they're like, yeah, the, we got the trailer and then we're gonna add on to it. You're like, that, it doesn't work. It's not a realistic project. You can't just add on to a trailer

• 25:18Theo Von?

  with extra housing or Quick Creed or whatever they're using, all type of shit, you know?

• 25:23Speaker 02

  Did you know that Chuck Morgan is in the mobile home industry?

• 25:27Theo Von?

  I could imagine it. I didn't know that. And did he put you in one?

• 25:31Speaker 02

  Yes, I lived in a double one. Um, he flipped it and he said to me, we're just gonna be there temporarily.

• 25:38Theo Von?

  Yeah.

• 25:39Speaker 02

  And it was big. You could ride a bicycle through it.

• 25:42Theo Von?

  Oh, yeah.

• 25:42Speaker 02

  But I was pregnant with my third baby. It was in the middle of nowhere. It was a hard time for me.

• 25:48Theo Von?

  Was it?

• 25:49Speaker 02

  There was a mom that lived behind us. She had a potbelly pig. It charged me all the time. It wasn't a big pig.

• 25:57Speaker 02

  But it was scary, you know, to have a little pig charging you while you're big pregnant. Trying to get up in a double one when you don't have stamps.

• 26:05Theo Von?

  Yeah, it's kind of, yeah, definitely dude.

• 26:08Speaker 02

  Chuck Morgan owned the business and had stamps sitting out in the field, several. And just forgot to bring stamps home.

• 26:16Theo Von?

  Oh.

• 26:16Speaker 02

  So I had to pitch two babies up in a double one, then hike my leg up.

• 26:21Theo Von?

  Oh.

• 26:22Speaker 02

  Being pregnant. I mean, I had Tess, that baby, I was pregnant with her.

• 26:26Theo Von?

  Yeah.

• 26:26Speaker 02

  And we lived on, and it was on a gravel road. And he said, I promise you, I'm gonna, I'll make money.

• 26:31Theo Von?

  She's got big hands, I saw.

• 26:33Speaker 02

  And he-

• 26:33Theo Von?

  So hell, I can imagine that thing helping you balance on the way up a little.

• 26:38Speaker 02

  Oh, no. And then, uh, he did, he flipped it. But yeah, Chuck Morgan still works in the mobile home industry.

• 26:44Theo Von?

  Oh dang.

• 26:45Speaker 02

  And I don't think, I don't know, maybe some people do try to build on to a mobile home, but I get what you're saying.

• 26:51Theo Von?

  Yeah, it just when you-

• 26:52Speaker 02

  You could put a fire pit out in front.

• 26:54Theo Von?

  Put it out front. Do not try to put it inside. That's what I'm saying. Do not do that. That's the thing, you know? We're gonna take, my sister was like, we're gonna tear down this wall inside and we're gonna... No, you don't need a living room that has a bathroom in it, like, you know? But no wall, like-

• 27:09Speaker 02

  Did you ever live in one?

• 27:10Theo Von?

  I didn't live in one. We lived in an apartment complex that, uh, was sinking. So we'd sit, I remember we'd sit there at night and watch Unsolved Mysteries with mom and stuff. And one part of the fucking apartment, after about the second episode, once like, uh... Once like, um, Full House came on, your fucking bottom was getting wet. Because it was just a few, the floor was sinking. There was like some sinking there.

• 27:38Speaker 02

  Some sinking.

• 27:39Theo Von?

  In the living room. Um, and people would steal, or this was the worst part about our place. People would steal our, the wood from our balcony. Let's see if we can find that picture. I've talked about this before, but...

• 27:52Speaker 02

  People were trying to steal the-

• 27:55Theo Von?

  So people.

• 27:56Speaker 02

  There was a balcony up on that top?

• 27:58Theo Von?

  Yes, there was, and the police were like, well, you have any pictures of it? We're like, officer, you don't think there was a balcony there? What do you think? We just live with a witch or somebody who just travels on this propulsion or something? Or some woman on her period who can just levitate out like that? What do you like? He's like, well, we need to see some images or something. And I'm like, ah, it was just, that was a nightmare. But people would steal that and they would use it to build something at their house. And then we'd go get it back and get it back installed. If my mom was seeing a guy, we'd convince him if he was drunk to go get that wood back. And always be a little bit less of it every time you got it back. It was that sort of deal.

• 28:36Speaker 02

  Oh.

• 28:36Theo Von?

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• 29:20Theo Von?

  I use it for my merch because it keeps everything in one spot. Less chaos, more, okay, I can actually pull this off. I'm planning on getting into some new camo ideas next year as I get out in the woods myself and Shopify is going to help me do it. Whether you just got an idea rattling around or you're really about to launch your own brand, there's never been an easier way to do it. Check out Shopify.com/ Theo and see just how simple it is to get your thing out there. Let's see what you can build with Shopify riding shotgun. Fresh start, same debt. And it's getting worse every month, unless you change the ending.

• 30:02Theo Von?

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• 30:41Theo Von?

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• 31:10Speaker 02

  Where are you in your family? Are you the baby?

• 31:12Theo Von?

  No, I'm the second one. We have four children and I'm the second one. So, we had a, uh, yeah, older brother, two younger sisters. What about you?

• 31:21Speaker 02

  I have an older sister.

• 31:23Theo Von?

  You do?

• 31:23Speaker 02

  Mm-hmm.

• 31:25Theo Von?

  What's she like?

• 31:25Speaker 02

  We were a pretty big deal in Adamston, CA, 500 people.

• 31:29Theo Von?

  Yeah.

• 31:30Speaker 02

  You know, we were tall, blonde. I played sports. She twirled.

• 31:35Theo Von?

  She twirled?

• 31:36Speaker 02

  She twirled. She was a majorette. And boys used to call and breathe into the phone.

• 31:41Theo Von?

  Oh, that's flirting, my friend.

• 31:46Theo Von?

  Oh, she's beautiful, huh?

• 31:47Speaker 02

  Thank you. She was, um, National Simakai Calendar.

• 31:52Theo Von?

  You're dressed like a damn dish set we had when I was a kid.

• 31:55Speaker 02

  That was at the Opry.

• 31:56Theo Von?

  God, that's great.

• 31:57Speaker 02

  Oh, my Lord. We, we both have an unrealistic hair color right there. We've both gotten some dimensions since then.

• 32:03Theo Von?

  Yeah, a lot of your photos, you kind of look like an Asian woman that's dyed her hair to look American in some ways because.

• 32:09Speaker 02

  Because of my eyes? Do you think my eyes?

• 32:11Theo Von?

  No, I just feel like you are a beautiful lady.

• 32:13Speaker 02

  Oh.

• 32:14Theo Von?

  A lot of these pictures, I don't see you in them for some reason, but uh, they look great. I'm just saying that's a, and maybe I've seen a lot too. I've been on too many sites with Asians on them or something, but go back. I want to, I want to talk about your sister for a second. What's her name?

• 32:27Speaker 02

  Beth.

• 32:28Theo Von?

  Beth. Oh, she's beautiful. And so what was it like having a sister like her? She was a majorette, you said?

• 32:33Speaker 02

  She was a majorette and, you know, five eleven and she was in Miss Tennessee.

• 32:39Theo Von?

  Of course she was, dude. Any tall girl, they just, they will get it all. If you just happen to be fucking tall. I don't care for whatever reason or something. Maybe there wasn't a lot of gravity in the home or whatever, but whatever happened and you got to be tall, they were like, she's beautiful. You remember that?

• 32:55Speaker 02

  Uh huh. And we, you know, when you're in, I graduated forty-two people. I think she graduated with twenty-something.

• 33:01Theo Von?

  Okay. So easier for her to do well?

• 33:03Speaker 02

  Yeah. And uh, but she was always very, and still is very prim and proper. And she went to Austin P. She was homecoming queen. And she was a national Semichai calendar on the, yeah. And then I went to UT and I was, and a maes, a maes, a maes. I was flailing around.

• 33:22Theo Von?

  But were you dating women too? Or you were keeping?

• 33:23Speaker 02

  No.

• 33:24Theo Von?

  Okay.

• 33:24Speaker 02

  I mean.

• 33:25Theo Von?

  I just didn't know how bad.

• 33:25Speaker 02

  No, I love men. Oh, love them.

• 33:28Theo Von?

  I don't know how weird it got.

• 33:30Speaker 02

  No, I didn't go through that.

• 33:32Theo Von?

  Yeah. And were you knocked up outside of wedlock or not?

• 33:35Speaker 02

  No, I um.

• 33:36Theo Von?

  Oh, she did pretty good.

• 33:38Speaker 02

  Oh, but, but they, I did, I dropped out and I got married the first time. It wasn't Chuck Morgan. Mm-hmm. I have a past.

• 33:47Theo Von?

  Who was it?

• 33:48Speaker 02

  It was um, a guy that was older than me. He was, he went to UT.

• 33:53Theo Von?

  Good guy?

• 33:53Speaker 02

  He had already graduated. Well, yeah, I think so. I think so.

• 33:57Theo Von?

  It just didn't work out?

• 33:58Speaker 02

  Um, uh, he had problems. It was bad and I don't think he could help it.

• 34:03Theo Von?

  Oh my God. I hope he's alright. Is he alive?

• 34:07Speaker 02

  No.

• 34:08Theo Von?

  God. Aw, that's sad. I'm sad. Thank you for telling us about him.

• 34:13Speaker 02

  Oh my darling. It, but you know, it made me who I am today. It's okay. Um, it's okay.

• 34:18Theo Von?

  Yeah.

• 34:18Speaker 02

  And he was um, a beautiful, talented.

• 34:22Theo Von?

  He was beautiful.

• 34:23Speaker 02

  Talented and all that, but it was bad. And I was dumb and 21 and then um, we're talking the late eighties. I still probably had some big hair.

• 34:34Theo Von?

  And were you listening to like any type of music?

• 34:37Speaker 02

  Annie Lennox.

• 34:38Theo Von?

  Okay.

• 34:39Speaker 02

  Uh, Prince, uh, Billy Idol, Rick James, nasty Rick James.

• 34:45Theo Von?

  Okay, so you guys were partying a little.

• 34:48Speaker 02

  I mean, I was dancing and smoking cigarettes, but I was not a drinker. I didn't care about drinking and I didn't, I never did drugs because I'm scared of, of things.

• 34:57Theo Von?

  That is you, huh?

• 34:58Speaker 02

  I was, that's me 17, a junior in high school.

• 35:00Theo Von?

  Tess looks like you kinda, huh?

• 35:02Speaker 02

  Mm-hmm.

• 35:03Theo Von?

  Beautiful ladies. Oh my God. And who was that?

• 35:06Speaker 02

  My, me and my sister.

• 35:08Theo Von?

  Oh, I thought that was two of the Von Ericks. Have you ever seen those kids? The wrestlers?

• 35:11Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 35:12Theo Von?

  Bring them up.

• 35:13Speaker 02

  Yes. Didn't you interview?

• 35:15Theo Von?

  Kevin Von Eric, we did.

• 35:17Speaker 02

  Honey, after that, I looked him up because it was so fascinating.

• 35:20Theo Von?

  As children.

• 35:21Speaker 02

  They were fascinating.

• 35:22Theo Von?

  They are fascinating. Great guy. But yes, some of the, that picture, I thought it was two of them.

• 35:29Speaker 02

  Well, yeah, we were little blonde-headed children and our family owned the little grocery store in our town.

• 35:33Theo Von?

  Oh, I could easily.

• 35:34Speaker 02

  Is that all those wrestling boys?

• 35:36Theo Von?

  Yeah.

• 35:37Speaker 02

  The daddy sitting there, did he wrestle or?

• 35:40Theo Von?

  He did. He wrestled too.

• 35:41Speaker 02

  Where were they raised?

• 35:42Theo Von?

  Uh, maybe East Texas.

• 35:46Theo Von?

  That's Kevin.

• 35:46Speaker 02

  And their little momma, you can tell she cooked.

• 35:49Theo Von?

  Oh, definitely.

• 35:49Speaker 02

  And she tended to them and got them casseroles.

• 35:52Theo Von?

  She did not have a choice to cook. I can't believe you gave Morgan a casserole. What kind was it?

• 35:57Speaker 02

  I didn't, I never got to fix little Morgan. He, now, he did take my Maggie, my middle child, on a couple of dates.

• 36:03Theo Von?

  Oh, that's beautiful.

• 36:04Speaker 02

  Mm-hmm. But she said, "I think he likes wild girls that like to key cars."

• 36:09Theo Von?

  Ooh, well.

• 36:10Speaker 02

  And see, my children went to a Christian school and, and were taught not to. But she said, I ju, she thought it was darling. And she said, "I think he likes wild," this was a long time ago, this before he hit it big. He was, you know, he liked girls that liked to fight in the yard.

• 36:28Theo Von?

  Yeah, dude. Yeah, I could see that. I mean, yes.

• 36:32Speaker 02

  Yeah, and that's okay. There's pretty girls in Powell. They were all from Powell, Tennessee.

• 36:37Theo Von?

  Yeah.

• 36:37Speaker 02

  And, uh, he was a baseball player and mowed.

• 36:41Theo Von?

  A free fight, yeah.

• 36:42Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 36:43Theo Von?

  And especially if he just mowed the yard.

• 36:46Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 36:47Theo Von?

  Somebody needs to throw down in it. You know, that's what I'm saying, dude.

• 36:50Speaker 02

  I know. And see, my sister and I, and my kid, we don't like to fight. We're not fighters.

• 36:55Theo Von?

  No.

• 36:56Speaker 02

  And I've got a son, thirty-two, he's not a fighter.

• 36:58Theo Von?

  Y'all are lovers, then.

• 36:59Speaker 02

  We're lovers, uh-huh.

• 37:00Theo Von?

  I interrupted you, though. So he owned a car dealership, you said? What were you saying before I interrupted you?

• 37:04Speaker 02

  Uh, my little mom and daddy.

• 37:07Theo Von?

  No, I told you, you were talking about, oh, the two little kids, go back to them as children. And sorry, I interrupted you and took you on this crazy thing where I compared you to look like-

• 37:14Speaker 02

  With the wrestlers.

• 37:15Theo Von?

  Yeah, and I'm very sorry. But now here, we have two beautiful children.

• 37:19Speaker 02

  Yes, that's me and my sister. And I think that was taken in the back of our, I think people could get their picture made, in our grocery store.

• 37:25Theo Von?

  Oh, I love that.

• 37:26Speaker 02

  My family owned the little grocery store there. And we're far, and we're farmers. We have land, we still have farming.

• 37:32Theo Von?

  In, outside of Knoxville?

• 37:32Speaker 02

  Tobacco farming, uh, in Middle Tennessee, here outside of Nashville.

• 37:36Theo Von?

  Ooh.

• 37:37Speaker 02

  On the Kentucky-Tennessee border, near one-hundred-first Airborne, Fort Campbell, Clarksville. That's where I was raised.

• 37:42Theo Von?

  Oh, beautiful.

• 37:43Speaker 02

  But I went to University of Tennessee and then, you know, married a bunch of men up there. But, so we had, we had grocery store. And then my little daddy opened a meat processing plant.

• 37:54Theo Von?

  No, he did.

• 37:54Speaker 02

  And he did everybody's beef, deer, and hogs and all that.

• 37:59Theo Von?

  And did y'all do nuggets, too, or anything like that?

• 38:01Speaker 02

  No.

• 38:02Theo Von?

  God.

• 38:03Speaker 02

  It's kind of like now these fancy people that do grass feed. That my people were doing that a long time ago.

• 38:09Theo Von?

  Yeah, while some if they saw a cow eating grass, you're like, this thing's a little gay, you know, like it was feed only back then, you know? If you saw some grass, like, look at this thick bitch having a salad, you know, it'd be like, it was a different time. I worked at a place called Soup Galore. I worked over there.

• 38:24Speaker 02

  I love soup.

• 38:26Theo Von?

  Yeah, enough people didn't love it like you did, I think, because we could not keep a strong clientele in there.

• 38:32Speaker 02

  Really?

• 38:33Theo Von?

  Well, it's just hard. And our big thing was we're it was supposed to be like the Baskin Robbins of soups, right?

• 38:37Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 38:37Theo Von?

  So they were supposed to have thirty one soups. And I'm like, dude, we don't have enough. If everybody came in here and had two bowls of soup, they're like, well, maybe after the game, everybody will come in, have a couple bowls of soup. I'm like, there's not. That with there's only like seven parking spots too. It was like, we didn't even make any sense, dude. And I'd be back there just damn stirring like a bouillabaisse or a fucking split pea. I mean, that shit would.

• 39:01Speaker 02

  Are there thirty one soups is what I'm wondering.

• 39:04Theo Von?

  Oh, of course there are. Bring up a list of soups if you don't mind, brother. For the nonbelievers out here, for the methodists, as I'll call them, okay? Bring up a list of decent soups, put that on there. Tomato, French onion, that wasn't easy. When cream of mushroom, that was pretty basic. We had that. Butternut squash, we didn't do. Now I've had that a lot as an adult.

• 39:25Speaker 02

  Do you like that, my darling? Because that's not what I go to for me, butternut squash soup.

• 39:30Theo Von?

  It's a rich thing. Like sometimes I'll be at a place where somebody will invite me to something. We have to have all your clothes on to eat.

• 39:37Speaker 02

  And hope to do.

• 39:40Theo Von?

  And there's nowhere to put your gum. So you have to swallow it.

• 39:46Speaker 02

  Do you get invited to a bunch of nifty things because you're so cute and fun and everybody wants to be with you and it? And you're exhausted. Is that basically it?

• 39:55Theo Von?

  No, I don't think that's true. I do like one thing that was one thing that sometimes is neat, like my best friend went to Ole Miss, so I got to go to Ole Miss. It was his birthday, right? So we went up to Ole Miss. And so I'd met Lane Kiffin from podcasting with him. So I got to like, take my best friend on like this walk that they do at the beginning of the thing. But if you'll see. Play that video, aw, and I'll tell you when to pause it in just a second. Okay? Pause it. Right behind me on the right is my best friend. So, he loves SCC football. He loves Ole Miss. I've never, in fact, I've only supported Ole Miss because he was an Ole Miss guy, and I love him. He's my, he's just my, we've been friends for children.

• 40:37Theo Von?

  Um, his father convinced me to go do comedy. His father was a Jerry Clower fan, and he used to put Jerry Clower on the radio, and on, on the, uh, CD.

• 40:46Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 40:46Theo Von?

  But little things like that are great. Like, I know you're doing, um, but, but it's probably similar stuff. I know you're doing, uh, the CMAs with Laney Wilson, right? You're gonna, uh, just guest with her on there for a little bit, which is amazing.

• 40:58Speaker 02

  Yeah, I'm where, I get to, we, I get to intro somebody, but I get to be onstage with her for a little while. She, she and I played each other in, um, Family Feud, Celebrity Family Feud.

• 41:07Theo Von?

  You did?

• 41:08Speaker 02

  Uh-huh. She invited our family to play.

• 41:10Theo Von?

  Oh.

• 41:11Speaker 02

  And then I did something else with her with CBS, so I'm, I love her. And I, she's the real deal.

• 41:16Theo Von?

  She's the best. I went and saw her and Ella Langley play not long ago, and that was beautiful.

• 41:21Speaker 02

  And Ella Langley, I got to meet her on the Today Show. Beautiful. Beautiful.

• 41:27Theo Von?

  Aw, y'all.

• 41:28Speaker 02

  Is she dating anybody?

• 41:29Theo Von?

  Huh?

• 41:30Speaker 02

  Is she dating anybody?

• 41:31Theo Von?

  I don't know a thing. I don't know anything. I mean...

• 41:33Speaker 02

  She's got beautiful bangs and legs. Did you notice that?

• 41:36Theo Von?

  I, I, I, I know she is a great performer. She is a firecracker, I know that. Uh, she's just a, you know, confident young lady, so talented.

• 41:46Speaker 02

  She is so talented.

• 41:48Theo Von?

  But I don't know. I don't know she, whoever she, whoever, if she's dating somebody, they're a lucky...

• 41:51Speaker 02

  They are very lucky, because she's a doll, a living doll. She was with Riley Green, and I got to meet him. He was darn, look at her! That doll.

• 41:59Theo Von?

  Oh, mhm. Beauty.

• 42:03Speaker 02

  Beauty.

• 42:03Theo Von?

  Yes, she will...

• 42:04Speaker 02

  Laney's a beauty too.

• 42:05Theo Von?

  Oh, she'll iron your fucking shirt with her stare too. She could put, look, that Ella will get something done, I'll tell you that.

• 42:11Speaker 02

  And Ella, where was she raised? Alabama?

• 42:13Theo Von?

  I think in The Jungle Book. Have you seen that movie? She is a, wild one. And I mean that loving, lovingly. Ella, she knows that. She's, she is from Alabama. Hope Hole, Alabama. I know she just won a couple of C-dos, I think, in a, a raffle down there. I saw her using them. They had a raffle down there at the hardware shop, and she won them. I remember my granddaddy, when we were kids, would take us over there. He'd be like, "Wes, go enter the raffles. It's raffle week." You go enter them. And then he'd go over there to the pool hall and smoke and you have to sit out in his truck or whatever.

• 42:45Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 42:46Theo Von?

  With a couple stuffed animals.

• 42:47Speaker 02

  I think we were raised similar. A lot of people sitting, smoking out in a truck.

• 42:52Theo Von?

  Oh, yeah.

• 42:53Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 42:54Theo Von?

  And the men would go cry behind the Winn-Dixie. If things weren't going well, they'd park back there and cry.

• 42:58Speaker 02

  Oh. Good chicken, though.

• 43:01Theo Von?

  Yeah, they had great produce. My buddy Robbie, my buddy Robbie Taylor worked over there for a long time. He was a steadfast employee there and went on to create some businesses of his own. But, yeah, we'd go up there and watch the fellows cry over there.

• 43:12Speaker 02

  There were people crying outside of the Winn-Dixie.

• 43:15Theo Von?

  In the back, not out front. If you're crying out front, that's a gay guy. You know what I'm saying? The real man parked and cried in the back.

• 43:22Speaker 02

  Crying in the back.

• 43:22Theo Von?

  If you were just up there having a little too much trouble getting one of those big bags of ice out of the icebox thing, that's just a fella that's afraid to admit something to his wife. You know?

• 43:32Speaker 02

  Oh. Okay, I used to go back when I was waiting tables and smoke with the line cooks. They're fun. They'd gotten out of jail, had fun stories.

• 43:41Theo Von?

  First of all, if you consider the people that work at Winn-Dixie, the line cooks?

• 43:45Speaker 02

  No, the restaurant that I worked at.

• 43:47Theo Von?

  Oh, sorry.

• 43:48Speaker 02

  Oh, those boys, those line cooks that I worked with, pretty fun criminals, had a ball, wanting to hear what they did.

• 43:55Theo Von?

  Where was this first job at? So this was a restaurant?

• 43:58Speaker 02

  This was a restaurant.

• 43:58Theo Von?

  And it was a real place?

• 44:00Speaker 02

  A real place where I met Chuck Morgan when he came to get his MBA. And I was finishing up that undergraduate that took me many years.

• 44:10Theo Von?

  And this is in Knoxville?

• 44:11Speaker 02

  In Knoxville, Tennessee, the restaurant where everybody wanted to work because it stayed on the wait all day long. He made big money.

• 44:17Theo Von?

  Oh, I like that.

• 44:18Speaker 02

  Mm-hmm.

• 44:19Theo Von?

  Because, yeah, you seem like a woman that's probably slept away to the top of a Marie Callender's, you know what I'm saying? I'm not judging you. But go on. Anyway, sorry, I shouldn't be talking while you're here. And I'll say this, that place was nice. That fucking pie aquarium they had at the front.

• 44:34Speaker 02

  That, um, Marie Callender, you know, I've never been in. Are you talking about a real Marie Callender? There were restaurants.

• 44:40Theo Von?

  Yeah.

• 44:40Speaker 02

  Where were they? I've never been in one.

• 44:42Theo Von?

  I don't know, you know, they had, uh, I think they had one up there towards Missouri. They had one and it was, uh, I think it was in the same town as they had. You ever place that, that Lambert's, the throwed rolls? You ever been in that place? That was up in Missouri.

• 44:55Speaker 02

  Yes, I think I've been in a Lambert's.

• 44:56Theo Von?

  Marie Callender's is based out of Mission Viejo, California. Oh, I did not see that coming.

• 45:02Speaker 02

  We, okay, were you living in Los Angeles? When I saw you do Last Comic Standing, were you out there living as a young, young, young, young boy?

• 45:11Theo Von?

  Mm-hmm.

• 45:11Speaker 02

  Because I, um, see, I was a little mama out in the middle of nowhere.

• 45:15Theo Von?

  And you had your kids out there?

• 45:16Speaker 02

  Wanting to be with y'all.

• 45:17Theo Von?

  Oh.

• 45:18Speaker 02

  I mean, but, I mean, I wanted, you know, I wanted to be one of the cool kids at the Comedy Store and I would, you know.

• 45:23Theo Von?

  And where were you at that time? That's when you were working at that restaurant?

• 45:26Speaker 02

  Um, uh, no, this was, uh, when I started doing Cap City Comedy Club and all that. And then, and then he got, Chuck got promoted and then we came back to Knoxville where the corporate offices are. And that's when, uh, um, well, I mean, I worked, but I, you know, nobody cared.

• 45:45Theo Von?

  Well, honey, I don't even have fucking long sock. Look what I'm wearing.

• 45:48Speaker 02

  Cute, very cute, very Lane Kiffin.

• 45:50Theo Von?

  Dude, your ankles look nice.

• 45:52Speaker 02

  Oh, thank you. I got a spray tan for you.

• 45:53Theo Von?

  You did?

• 45:54Speaker 02

  Yeah. Somebody came to my home and did it.

• 45:57Theo Von?

  Mm, that's nice of them.

• 46:01Speaker 02

  Um, yeah, but, uh, yeah, I wa- I wanted to be out at the Comedy Store and all that and wanted to be like you.

• 46:07Theo Von?

  But was there a thing like, was it, what was it like, like really having the children and you wanting to do this? Like, did you have to say like, okay, I can't do it these years. I can't do it this time of year. Were there times you had to set off or did you not be able to do that? Because I know sometimes it's like you get a week, you're like, that's the week I'm working, you know? I mean, that's how it was for me. Like, I didn't have, I had friends for like 12 years that I was out there touring, but I didn't see them that much. I was gone. If I met a girl, I'd start to get to know where I was going. I came back in town three weeks later. I didn't remember who she was. I didn't know who I was.

• 46:38Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 46:38Theo Von?

  You know, just things were, it was hard to keep things together. What was that like for you out there?

• 46:42Speaker 02

  I mean, I just, I took any job I could get and I tried to stay on stage when I could. And at times I would go on a little tour with like two other female comedians because Blue Collar had blown up.

• 46:52Theo Von?

  Mm-hmm.

• 46:53Speaker 02

  And so do you remember Etta May? A comedian named Etta May.

• 46:57Theo Von?

  Yes.

• 46:57Speaker 02

  I toured with Karen Mills and Etta May and we called ourselves the Southern Fried Chicks.

• 47:03Theo Von?

  Oh, yeah.

• 47:04Speaker 02

  She plays a character.

• 47:06Theo Von?

  Etta May, she used to be, do the Funny Bone in Baton Rouge sometimes.

• 47:09Speaker 02

  Yeah, and she was, she lived out in LA for, and was in movies and stuff.

• 47:13Theo Von?

  Wow, I don't know if I ever got to meet her.

• 47:16Speaker 02

  She's out there, um, working theaters and clubs, still.

• 47:21Theo Von?

  Etta May.

• 47:21Speaker 02

  So funny.

• 47:22Theo Von?

  And who else?

• 47:23Speaker 02

  Karen Mills, who is a good friend of mine who opens for me, uh, on, when I tour.

• 47:29Theo Von?

  Oh, yeah, I gotta get to spend, see that Etta May, because I remember, yeah, like, just, you see the Flyers at the clubs at the Funny Bone, that's who was coming through. That's back when Baton Rouge had a Funny Bone and they don't have one anymore. I don't think Louisiana even has a comedy club anymore.

• 47:43Speaker 02

  Well, I know in Knoxville, there were sign splitters, but you would come to the Tennessee Theater.

• 47:48Theo Von?

  I can't.

• 47:49Speaker 02

  When I was working the sign splitters.

• 47:50Theo Von?

  Yeah, by the time I got to Knoxville, I was already doing, uh,

• 47:54Speaker 02

  The Bees you, or, yeah, I know you were at the Tennessee Theater.

• 47:57Theo Von?

  I was outside of clubs, that Tennessee Theater is awesome.

• 47:59Speaker 02

  Beautiful.

• 48:00Theo Von?

  Yeah.

• 48:00Speaker 02

  But I would do, I would work when I could, I did a lot of private, uh, things, I did clubs when they'd have me and, and, um, and I always had television deals though going, that's the thing.

• 48:11Theo Von?

  You did?

• 48:12Speaker 02

  I had Hollywood after me.

• 48:13Theo Von?

  Shut, well, honey, shush. You had damn.

• 48:16Speaker 02

  But they wouldn't make it. I mean, I had big television deals, but they wouldn't make it.

• 48:20Theo Von?

  They weren't making any of our shit, but at least you had the deal.

• 48:24Speaker 02

  I did, and that kept me going, you know, I'd get down and I'd think, well, something must be telling me to keep going, because I would have a, you know, I'd get a deal with ABC and Warner Brothers, and then I had one with Nick at Night, and, and then Sony, and then, so the one I had with Chuck Lorre, that was my fifth.

• 48:43Theo Von?

  For this new show?

• 48:44Speaker 02

  Uh huh, and that, that, I mean.

• 48:46Theo Von?

  For Leann?

• 48:47Speaker 02

  Yeah, and this went, like, he just said, we're doing it, and Netflix said, we'd love for you to do it.

• 48:52Theo Von?

  Wow.

• 48:52Speaker 02

  And we got to, I got an unbelievable cast and.

• 48:57Theo Von?

  Who put your sister in it?

• 48:59Speaker 02

  Kristen Johnston from Third Rock from the Sun and Righteous Gemstones.

• 49:04Theo Von?

  Y'all are so good.

• 49:05Speaker 02

  And she is brilliant. And she had to tell me what all they were saying to me. I didn't know. I go, what is all this? And then Ryan Stiles from Who's Line Is It Anyway? Brilliant.

• 49:16Theo Von?

  Oh, yeah.

• 49:16Speaker 02

  Celia Weston plays my mother. She played my mother in the only movie I've been in with Reese Witherspoon and Will Ferrell. You're Cordially Invited. She was my mother in that. Blake Clark, who's in all Adam Sandler movies, plays my dad.

• 49:28Theo Von?

  Blake Clark plays your dad?

• 49:29Speaker 02

  Yes.

• 49:30Theo Von?

  Oh, that's beautiful.

• 49:31Speaker 02

  And he is darling.

• 49:33Theo Von?

  He's great. He was in the water boy. I thought he passed away.

• 49:36Speaker 02

  No, honey. He is my daddy.

• 49:38Theo Von?

  I swear to God, I went to this guy's funeral online during COVID. Oh, my God. Good to see him alive.

• 49:46Speaker 02

  And he does great. I mean, he is, me and love this show, and I think it's because of him and Ryan Stiles. And then my love interest on it is Tim Daly from Wings.

• 49:56Theo Von?

  Hmm.

• 49:57Speaker 02

  So I made out with Tim Daly.

• 50:00Theo Von?

  I never watched Wings. And is he a gay fella or straight?

• 50:02Speaker 02

  He's straight. He's married to Taya Leone. You know, that beautiful actress?

• 50:07Theo Von?

  He is?

• 50:07Speaker 02

  Yes.

• 50:08Theo Von?

  He's married to Taya Leone?

• 50:10Speaker 02

  Yes, they just got married. They've been together for like 14 years.

• 50:13Theo Von?

  Oh, that's wonderful. She is in my favorite movie ever, Family Man with Nicolas Cage.

• 50:19Speaker 02

  Oh, my gosh. Okay, I loved her in Spanish with Adam Sandler.

• 50:24Theo Von?

  Mm hmm. Wow.

• 50:26Speaker 02

  Mm hmm. He plays Agent Andrew, my love interest, because my husband, Ryan Stiles' character, has walked off and left me after 33 years of marriage.

• 50:35Theo Von?

  You sure he wasn't just looking for something? What? And do you have any clue? Is there any? Has he called or anything?

• 50:40Speaker 02

  Yeah, he's still around.

• 50:42Theo Von?

  He is?

• 50:42Speaker 02

  Yeah, that's, um, yeah.

• 50:45Theo Von?

  That's Blake.

• 50:45Speaker 02

  We've got two grandbabies together in this and.

• 50:48Theo Von?

  God. And has this, uh, when it, when this started all like, yeah, what were your like?

• 50:57Speaker 02

  I cried every day. I was like, what the, what have I gotten myself into? It was so scary.

• 51:03Theo Von?

  Yeah, when this finally happened, what was it like?

• 51:05Speaker 02

  It was like, oh no, I've got to learn a script every week and I'm in every scene. I'd never done that before.

• 51:12Theo Von?

  Mm-hmm.

• 51:13Speaker 02

  Uh, I was overwhelmed by that.

• 51:15Theo Von?

  It's a lot.

• 51:16Speaker 02

  It's a lot. You got 250 people there staring at you, I say it, uh, darling people that have worked for Chuck Lorre for years. They're counting on you.

• 51:24Theo Von?

  Yeah, they're counting on you.

• 51:25Speaker 02

  Not to screw up.

• 51:26Theo Von?

  And yeah, and for people that don't know, the, the, the show starts off where you just found out that your husband cheated on you, kind of. That's where you girls are spending so much time in the, laying in the bed together and kind of just getting through life. I remember that.

• 51:36Speaker 02

  Mm-hmm.

• 51:37Theo Von?

  Um.

• 51:38Speaker 02

  We had 16 episodes and at first Netflix was gonna do, cause you know, they only do things in eight or 10 episodes. So they were gonna drop eight and then my new Netflix special dropped November the 4th and then we're gonna drop another eight this coming spring. And then they got a wild hair and, and dropped 16 at one time, first time in their history.

• 51:57Theo Von?

  Wow.

• 51:57Speaker 02

  Yeah. So it all got drawn and it, and it did really well. I'm so thankful. I was scared to death. I thought, is anybody go? Cause it's a multi cam and they said to me at Netflix, we think you can bring back the multi cam and I'm like, don't put that burden on me.

• 52:12Theo Von?

  Yeah.

• 52:12Speaker 02

  And then, and then it did really well and I think people miss that format. I think people it think of it as comfort and comfort food, kind of. And people really liked it.

• 52:23Theo Von?

  What the?

• 52:23Speaker 02

  And I'm so thankful.

• 52:24Theo Von?

  On a streamer, you can be a little bit more edgy, right? You're not as like locked in as like a lot of the cable laws. Um, what things are allowed on streaming that aren't allowed on cable? Can you find, is there any information on that? Can you look up on?

• 52:36Speaker 02

  We, I think Ryan did say S H I T.

• 52:40Theo Von?

  Can you look that up on perplexity real quick?

• 52:42Speaker 02

  They wanted to probably cuss a lot more, but.

• 52:46Theo Von?

  Let me see.

• 52:46Speaker 02

  You know, I didn't want it.

• 52:48Theo Von?

  Streaming services allow certain types of content that cable television cannot, correct, right? Streaming platforms often feature uncensored profanity, explicit sexual content, nudity.

• 52:58Speaker 02

  I was not nude.

• 52:59Theo Von?

  Okay. Graphic violence and mature themes that would not be allowed on cable channels. There are fewer restrictions on the depiction of drugs, controversial political topics or socially sensitive material in original programming produced for streaming. On streaming, creators are less limited by requirements around content rating or time of broadcast that apply to cable and especially broadcast TV.

• 53:21Theo Von?

  Cool examples of content differences. Shows and movies on streaming may include swearing, nudity, sexual situations, and violence without censorship, while cable versions of the same content are often edited or bleeped for language, blur nudity, and cut explicit scenes.

• 53:37Speaker 02

  I did carry a gun.

• 53:39Theo Von?

  You did? Well, that's, that's fair.

• 53:41Speaker 02

  We thought somebody was breaking in.

• 53:42Theo Von?

  It's a Tennessee, it's state law, you can't.

• 53:45Speaker 02

  Well, Ryan Stiles said to me, "I didn't know how to hold one," and he goes, "You know how to hold them, Lynn. You're from Tennessee." I go, "We're not just going around packing guns." My people call it packing. And I said, "I, I mean, I know people that have them in Hunt, but my daddy never did, and I don't know how to..." I think people think in Tennessee, it's like the Wild West.

• 54:06Theo Von?

  Yeah. Oh, people think it's shoot them up out here. You know what I'm saying? Like, people are just like, "Yeah, if it gets a little weird, you can shoot." But I do like the fact that if somebody thinks they're gonna walk into a place and get a little weird, they're gonna have to know that there's six or seven men and women, and people, you know, women in the middle, who are willing to pop, who are willing to pop.

• 54:30Speaker 02

  I know, in the movie theater.

• 54:32Theo Von?

  Shoot back immediately.

• 54:33Speaker 02

  I know, yeah. There's some bad mama jamas taking care of business, which I like.

• 54:39Theo Von?

  The show is great, and it's, people are loving it. Uh, how many, what season are you guys on now?

• 54:44Speaker 02

  Do what?

• 54:45Theo Von?

  You only have your first season?

• 54:46Speaker 02

  Yeah, um, I go out.

• 54:47Theo Von?

  Are you gonna do a second season?

• 54:48Speaker 02

  Uh huh.

• 54:49Theo Von?

  Congratulations.

• 54:50Speaker 02

  Thank you, my darling. I go out in January and start again.

• 54:53Theo Von?

  And will Tess go out there with you, will your daughter go out there?

• 54:55Speaker 02

  She's about to get her reunion, so she works on the set with me.

• 54:59Theo Von?

  Okay.

• 54:59Speaker 02

  And is my, my makeup artist. And, um, and also, I mean, it's just good to have family out there, because Chuck and Morgan's still working a big job. And I, I don't wanna be out there by myself. It makes me feel better to have, you know, my, one of my children with me.

• 55:13Theo Von?

  Oh, yeah.

• 55:14Speaker 02

  My oldest child's married and got my two grandbabies and working, and then my middle child works, lives in, I told you that at the UT ballgame, the one that went to Chipotle with Morgan Wallen. She lives in New York. And for, works for the food bank. She's in nonprofit. She's always worked in nonprofit. And this baby went to school for makeup for television and film in, in Manhattan.

• 55:35Theo Von?

  That's beautiful.

• 55:36Speaker 02

  I know. So I get to, so they get, you know, I, she takes care of me while I'm out there. Cause I need, I can't thi- I gotta learn all this stuff.

• 55:45Theo Von?

  Honey, you can't just be wa- yeah. Just wandering around, just wondering if your bra fits alright all day.

• 55:50Speaker 02

  Right.

• 55:51Theo Von?

  You ever been in a tight bra?

• 55:53Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 55:54Theo Von?

  God, what's that like?

• 55:55Speaker 02

  Bad.

• 55:56Theo Von?

  Is it?

• 55:57Speaker 02

  Bad. Yeah. I don't wanna be so pitiful that I'm like Mariah Carey and like men had to carry me around.

• 56:03Theo Von?

  Yeah.

• 56:04Speaker 02

  But I do, I need people to tend to me now. I never thought I would get that way, but I, I mean, I gotta learn a lot. And my girlfriends back home, they're like, just drink some wine at night. You got so much on you. I go, I can't drink wine and sweat in the bed all night and not be able to learn a script the next day. I can't be drinking.

• 56:23Theo Von?

  And you wake up, yeah, and your mouth is all dried out and stuff.

• 56:27Speaker 02

  Uh huh. And it makes women's blood vessels expand and you sweating the night. I hate to even tell you that.

• 56:33Theo Von?

  God.

• 56:34Speaker 02

  When you get to a certain age, it's not girls your age, they're not sweating.

• 56:38Theo Von?

  I don't know.

• 56:38Speaker 02

  They might be beginning to sweat.

• 56:40Theo Von?

  Some people are, yeah, people are losing water. I know that. People are losing water weight.

• 56:45Speaker 02

  Retaining it.

• 56:46Theo Von?

  Well, people are losing weight too. I mean, everybody's on those GLPs or whatever, the XPVs or some, the C, um, BC, yeah. People are on all that shit. I mean, they busted a lady selling Ozempic outside of a damn Vineyard Vines out there, you know?

• 57:01Speaker 02

  She was outside of the Vineyard Vines.

• 57:03Theo Von?

  Selling it, yeah.

• 57:04Speaker 02

  Selling dope or selling GLP ones?

• 57:07Theo Von?

  Selling Ozempic, baby, yeah. And all you can do is pray for.

• 57:11Speaker 02

  I know.

• 57:12Theo Von?

  It's hard, it's, everybody's going through something.

• 57:14Speaker 02

  Everybody's going through something.

• 57:16Theo Von?

  Yeah, that's the thing.

• 57:49Theo Von?

  This episode is sponsored by BetterHelp. The holidays are a time of traditions. Some people have many in their family and some have none, or are just beginning their own. Incorporating therapy into your new or existing traditions can help ensure you take time for yourself during what can be a very joyful, but sometimes hectic and lonely time of year. In my family, we have a tradition where you'll tickle somebody until they tell you what they got you for Christmas. Sometimes your family, like mine, needs help. And that's why there's BetterHelp. With over 30,000 therapists, BetterHelp is one of the world's largest online therapy platforms, having served over 5 million people globally.

• 58:34Theo Von?

  And it works with an average rating of 4.9 out of 5 stars for a live session based on over 1.7 million client reviews. This December, start a new tradition by taking care of you. Our listeners get 10% off at betterhelp.com/theo. That's better H E L P dot com slash T H E O. You know what's hard? Dealing with a website. The amount of time and effort it takes to do it right is ridiculous. That's why I'm so grateful for Modify. Their team has handled my websites for over a decade now. They do it for us and they've done well. And they're the real deal.

• 59:19Theo Von?

  Louisiana-based, super easy to work with, and they just can't stop making websites. They've launched over 1,000 of them, always improving on quality, efficiency, and user experience. Modify Designs builds and manages high-performing web flow websites for small businesses and organizations that want to look professional online without the headache. They offer on-demand web design from a top-gun team of experts, a dedicated designer from day one, and fast response times backed by unmatched support. If you're ready for the last website you'll ever need, head to modiphy.com/theo for 50% off your build-out cost.

• 1:00:03Theo Von?

  That's M O D I P H Y dot com slash Theo. They don't F around.

• 1:00:11Theo Von?

  What was your town like? Like was there any like lore in your town? Like any famous people that came to visit or did anything like was there any like uh? I'm trying to think of something interesting that happened.

• 1:00:22Speaker 02

  Honey, there was a demon.

• 1:00:24Theo Von?

  Of course.

• 1:00:25Speaker 02

  The Bell Witch.

• 1:00:27Theo Von?

  The Bell Witch is from your town?

• 1:00:29Speaker 02

  Yes.

• 1:00:29Theo Von?

  Oh my gosh, we just-

• 1:00:30Speaker 02

  You've heard of the Bell Witch?

• 1:00:32Theo Von?

  We had some ghost hunter children and I don't know if something happened to them through the church or something. They didn't tell me everything that happened to them. We had two young fellows who were touched by the spirit and out there hunting.

• 1:00:43Speaker 02

  The Bell Witch?

• 1:00:44Theo Von?

  They went to the Bell Witch. That is the only time that the government got involved in a-

• 1:00:51Speaker 02

  And investigated.

• 1:00:52Theo Von?

  Investigated a witchcraft situation.

• 1:00:54Speaker 02

  Right, honey. That's where I'm from. Oh, those little boys. They look like they love a ghost.

• 1:01:01Theo Von?

  Sam and Colby, yes. Sam and Colby.

• 1:01:04Speaker 02

  Sam and Colby.

• 1:01:05Theo Von?

  Um, great guys, but yeah, so that's, oh, so that was your area.

• 1:01:08Speaker 02

  That's where I'm from and I was raised, yes, with a demon. They talked about it all the time. If there was a, if there was a 4th of July picnic, they put a dummy in a coffin and said, that's the witch. That's Kate Bats.

• 1:01:20Theo Von?

  Hmm. So that was big lore around y'all?

• 1:01:23Speaker 02

  Oh, yeah. And the Vanderbilt football team, fraternities would come down, torment each other, beat the windows out of our church. They'd have to, everybody had to pass money around to put more windows in the church.

• 1:01:34Theo Von?

  Oh, that's a H V issue.

• 1:01:35Speaker 02

  Ravine, dogs that had bullet holes that couldn't explain while they're still walking. Crows comes in, she comes in the, in the, she comes in the, in the form of a black dog, a crow, a black crow. Crazy man. And I was raised in it.

• 1:01:50Theo Von?

  Yeah, she just showed up dressed like Chris Robinson. Yeah. It was great.

• 1:01:54Speaker 02

  And people come from all over. They still come. And during October is the Bell Witch play and it sold out. And I was, I went, my sister got me tickets a couple of years ago and I sat by a guy that works at Warner Brothers on the pit.

• 1:02:08Theo Von?

  Wow.

• 1:02:09Speaker 02

  And shrinking. He, he came to see it.

• 1:02:11Theo Von?

  He was drinking?

• 1:02:12Speaker 02

  Shrinking with Harrison Ford, that television show.

• 1:02:16Theo Von?

  Oh, got it.

• 1:02:17Speaker 02

  Shrinking on Apple.

• 1:02:19Theo Von?

  Does he, uh?

• 1:02:20Speaker 02

  A Warner Brothers executive, I'm sorry.

• 1:02:21Theo Von?

  Is it worth going to see that?

• 1:02:23Speaker 02

  Yeah. I think if you, do you wanna be around the demon? I don't, but do you want to go, do you like scary myths?

• 1:02:32Theo Von?

  I would like-

• 1:02:32Speaker 02

  I know you've got the Holy Spirit and that probably bumps you.

• 1:02:35Theo Von?

  I think it doesn't make me feel great, but I do like to go over there and just every now and then, make sure that the devil's still out and about, so I know that the path I'm on is what I'm supposed to be doing.

• 1:02:46Speaker 02

  Right, I get that. I get that, cuz the devil is at work. Okay, there's a cave. You can go in the cave and there's Native American bones, there's animal bones, the witch is in there. People come from all over to go through that cave. I've never been through it. I didn't wanna go. And my daddy didn't want me to go in it.

• 1:03:04Theo Von?

  Oh my God. And what town is that in that's over in Adams?

• 1:03:07Speaker 02

  That's in Adams, Tennessee, on the Kentucky-Tennessee border, in Robertson County.

• 1:03:11Theo Von?

  Wow.

• 1:03:11Speaker 02

  There's been movies written about it, books. See, children that grew up in Tennessee used to have to do a book report on it, but now nobody, I don't think they make them do it.

• 1:03:20Theo Von?

  The Bell Witch Cave Story is one of America's most famous, um, mysterious events experienced by the Bell family in Adams, Tennessee between 1817 and 1821. The haunting began when John Bell, the family patriarch, encountered a bizarre creature resembling a dog with a rabbit's head on the property.

• 1:03:36Speaker 02

  A dog with a rabbit's head?

• 1:03:38Theo Von?

  Yeah.

• 1:03:38Speaker 02

  I haven't heard that one.

• 1:03:40Theo Von?

  It sounds like a hormone issue, but I don't, I don't know a lot.

• 1:03:43Speaker 02

  See, Betsy must've been beautiful. And then John-

• 1:03:46Theo Von?

  Because what does it say, Betsy? Let me see. Oh, disturbances escalated to eerie, sorry to interrupt you.

• 1:03:50Speaker 02

  No, that's all right, angel.

• 1:03:52Theo Von?

  Disturbances escalated to eerie noises, objects moved by unseen forces, bed sheets pulled away, and this could've just been a pervert, and violence towards the family, especially daughter Betsy Bell, who experienced beatings and fainting spells. Dang.

• 1:04:06Speaker 02

  I know the real story.

• 1:04:07Theo Von?

  You do know the real story?

• 1:04:08Speaker 02

  I do.

• 1:04:09Theo Von?

  Then set us straight.

• 1:04:11Speaker 02

  Okay, first of all, let me say that before Nashville became the capital of Tennessee, it was gonna be Adams because of our rich dark fire tobacco crops that grow, we grow tobacco for Copenhagen and Skoll, but because it was so rich in the land for tobacco, it was gonna be the capital, but then for some reason, they made it Nashville. John Bell ran for president at one time with the Whig Party, so they were a very prominent family. Lucy must have been a beauty. A man came through town, was in love with her.

• 1:04:43Theo Von?

  Lucy or Betsy?

• 1:04:46Speaker 02

  Lucy.

• 1:04:46Theo Von?

  Okay.

• 1:04:47Speaker 02

  Wait, Lucy, wait, Leah, Lucy's the daughter. Betsy was the mom.

• 1:04:50Theo Von?

  Okay.

• 1:04:51Speaker 02

  John's, okay. So Lucy, he, she did not want that man, and so to torment her, he could throw his voice. They said he was a ventriloquist. I know what you're gonna do with that.

• 1:05:03Theo Von?

  Oh my God, like Frank Caliendo.

• 1:05:06Theo Von?

  Hey, I'm John Gruden.

• 1:05:09Theo Von?

  You need an exorcism, Betsy. Go on. Hey, Lucy!

• 1:05:14Speaker 02

  But they like blamed it on a slave, God love him, and it wasn't him. It was this man that came there.

• 1:05:21Theo Von?

  It was never the slave. Every time the slave was like, what did I do?

• 1:05:25Speaker 02

  This was a man that could throw his voice. He was a mathematician, a ventriloquist, and he fooled them all. And then poisoned John Bell and killed him.

• 1:05:35Theo Von?

  Oh.

• 1:05:36Speaker 02

  And then she didn't, Lucy didn't know it, and I think Lucy ended up marrying him.

• 1:05:40Theo Von?

  That's how it works.

• 1:05:41Speaker 02

  That's how it works.

• 1:05:42Theo Von?

  Hey, they say shooters shoot.

• 1:05:45Theo Von?

  That's what I'm saying.

• 1:05:46Speaker 02

  And women are attracted to twisted.

• 1:05:48Theo Von?

  Are they?

• 1:05:48Speaker 02

  Yeah. So, and trauma, so, and you know, you wanna fix people because we're nurturing. So anyway, and that is the Bell Witch, and the whole thing, and people come, and it's always on the front of USA Today, is one of the oldest ghost stories, and because it's part of Tennessee history, like you said, but that's what I was raised, and that's what we're known for. Now, maybe they're known kinda for me, maybe.

• 1:06:17Theo Von?

  Oh, yeah. I think so.

• 1:06:19Speaker 02

  Man a witch. I think she's beaten me.

• 1:06:22Theo Von?

  I think, it depends. How many tickets do they sell every year to that event?

• 1:06:26Speaker 02

  I sell more.

• 1:06:27Theo Von?

  Let's go. Let's just say I sell a few more tickets than the Bell Witch.

• 1:06:33Speaker 02

  They sell quite a few tickets.

• 1:06:34Theo Von?

  I ain't bragging.

• 1:06:35Speaker 02

  But not, but I'm, you know.

• 1:06:37Theo Von?

  Yes, I know you do.

• 1:06:37Speaker 02

  I did some small arenas this year, so.

• 1:06:40Theo Von?

  Hell yeah, you did. And I'm just joking. You know that.

• 1:06:42Speaker 02

  I know, but that is popular. And you know, people that love ghosts, love ghosts.

• 1:06:46Theo Von?

  Oh, yeah.

• 1:06:47Speaker 02

  And people are speaking and, you know, channeling, uh, the Beatles and all that kinda crap down there. But I don't like all that. I believe in demons. I don't like all that.

• 1:06:57Theo Von?

  Well, uh, you know, we talk, this is one thing that we just did talk about when Sam and Colby were here, these ghost hunter children. Um, who I'm not saying were victims of sexual crime or something. I have no idea. I don't know what their lives were like. Some of that's alleged. I'm not saying that. I read that somewhere. What I am saying is, um, that, yeah, they, uh, they said, well, it, we talked about how it's just like, if you summon something, it'll show up. It's like having faith, asking God to show up in your life. If you sit out there and ask for it to come, it'll be there. And that's sometimes why I think the devil's winning because you have people that are spending more time summoning the devil. And you have people that are sitting here asking God to show up, but.

• 1:07:34Speaker 02

  See, and there's the thing about the Bell Witch, and I, growing up, my cousins would do it, and it would scare me to death, but they'd go, say your name three times, turn around, she'll appear.

• 1:07:42Theo Von?

  Mm-hmm.

• 1:07:44Speaker 02

  Okay, I was at the Star Dome.

• 1:07:47Theo Von?

  In Birmingham.

• 1:07:47Speaker 02

  In Birmingham, doing, uh.

• 1:07:49Theo Von?

  I finally got to do that place. I'd emailed them. Eleven, twelve years, and then finally, one day, it just came up on the schedule. Now you're gonna be at the Star Dome.

• 1:07:59Speaker 02

  And I bet you killed.

• 1:08:00Theo Von?

  I was so excited.

• 1:08:02Speaker 02

  Well, I was in the back. You know, they have several little, I guess a little theater and the big theater, or what, a big room. And there was the, the girl that you've seen in a million posters, that go around to comedy clubs and talk to dead people. I mean, she talks to dead people and she says in the audience, who, you know, your uncle so-and-so's here.

• 1:08:20Theo Von?

  Yeah.

• 1:08:21Speaker 02

  She was in the green room at the Star Dome, and she said, and she was a doll, and she said, oh, yeah, there's, they're in here right now, dead people. And I thought, surely to goodness, our sweet Lord would not, if I die, I don't have to be in the green room.

• 1:08:37Theo Von?

  Yeah.

• 1:08:38Speaker 02

  In a comedy club with a half a bottle of mustard.

• 1:08:41Theo Von?

  Yeah.

• 1:08:43Speaker 02

  With, you know, something on TBS on the TV. I'm surely, I'm not gonna be stuck in a green room, you know?

• 1:08:52Theo Von?

  Yeah.

• 1:08:53Speaker 02

  I don't, surely he'll let me walk somewhere fun.

• 1:08:59Speaker 02

  Not where, you know, the pillows don't match on the sofa.

• 1:09:04Theo Von?

  That hard ass sofa there a lot of times. God, this, oh, green rooms are crazy. And then sometimes like this is a green room, like this is a bathroom, it doesn't have a toilet in it. I'm like, you're like, sometimes the green room is crazy, sometimes it's just a curtain. People don't like, oh, there's nothing like that, that all the, the clubs over the years that coming up, all the places you go do, you know? But I think it's like that about everything. You think like backstage then is gonna be amazing once you get to certain levels. And then sometimes backstage is you're just hiding behind the edge of the stage, waiting to walk out there, you know? It's all exciting, but um, it's always just about putting the show on. Making sure that it looks good out there. The backstage is never, there's not a lot of money spent backstage.

• 1:09:47Speaker 02

  Uh-uh, it's kinda dusty.

• 1:09:49Theo Von?

  Yeah.

• 1:09:50Speaker 02

  But isn't it thrilling though? I've watched you in big places and um, women yelling and all that. I mean, do you?

• 1:09:57Theo Von?

  Some of those are men with long hair, but yeah. Those are men that have had sex changes, but happy they're there. We did have a guy pee in a woman's hair one night out there in Colorado.

• 1:10:09Theo Von?

  And we gave, we had to give her a free shirt.

• 1:10:13Speaker 02

  Cause somebody peed in her hair?

• 1:10:15Theo Von?

  Yeah.

• 1:10:15Speaker 02

  Just drunk and crazy, or what was it?

• 1:10:18Theo Von?

  I don't know, she wanted a hoodie too. I'm like, baby girl. Shit, okay, so, you know, the shirts, they're pretty good shirts.

• 1:10:27Speaker 02

  I know, probably sixty-five dollars.

• 1:10:30Theo Von?

  Oh, we don't, yeah, we, we actually sell pretty cheap on the road.

• 1:10:33Speaker 02

  You do?

• 1:10:34Theo Von?

  Yeah, we don't sell like super expensive.

• 1:10:36Speaker 02

  See, my people don't want a big hot hoodie, but I've got women in menopause and their husbands. I do skew a little bit younger now.

• 1:10:44Theo Von?

  Yeah.

• 1:10:45Speaker 02

  But I don't know, I love a hoodie and I think hoodie's cute. And I can see where one of your hoodies would be darling. But I gotta go with a V-neck, everybody's sweating.

• 1:10:55Theo Von?

  Yeah. Yeah, well, you start, the fire starts to have to get out, you know? The heat starts to pop out after a while.

• 1:11:01Speaker 02

  And I don't even, somebody does the, the merch now, it's like, that's like a ghost. I never see them, I don't know.

• 1:11:08Theo Von?

  I know, I can't even get a hold of my own shirt, people are like, can you get me a shirt? I'm like, I don't even, you know, I just go online and order and pay for it and buy it. Yeah, I can. But it is kind of interesting, once it, you know, you get to certain spots and, or certain parts of your career, if you're fortunate enough to have some of those moments. Yeah, what an exciting ride that you've had, because did you ever feel like women don't get the appreciation that men did? Did you feel that in comedy?

• 1:11:31Speaker 02

  No, I always hear women talk about that, and I don't know, everybody was always good to me. And I never, if I didn't get something, I thought, I didn't think of it as man, woman kind of thing. I just thought, I'm not ready, or, or I'm not edgy enough, you know? Comedy Central was big, they didn't, I would always audition for stuff, didn't get it, Just for Laughs, didn't get it, until later. And I never thought of it as a man, woman thing, I just thought, it's not my time, or I'm, I gotta get better, or... I don't have that whole man, woman thing, I just don't.

• 1:12:05Theo Von?

  Yeah.

• 1:12:05Speaker 02

  I mean, I always, I know there's a lot more male comics and all that, but I did not feel anything... Nobody was like disrespectful to me, or that I didn't deserve something, or, I just didn't get that. I don't know if people didn't want to bully, I don't, because I'm a mom.

• 1:12:21Theo Von?

  I don't know, I have thought that some people don't, people are used to seeing men be the jesters, right? And there is something, or the, I think it used to be more this way. Because I don't think it's this way anymore, that it used to feel like the jester is supposed to be a male. You don't want to see a wom, you know, it's like you want to, you don't want to have, see a woman, like, imagine if it's something that's kind of vulgar, something like that, you know, that there's, um, it's not as, uh, popular of a view of women. So I think it took, some of it, I think it took time for the view of that to be more possible. Does that make any sense?

• 1:13:03Speaker 02

  Yeah, that does make a lot of sense, that makes a lot of sense.

• 1:13:05Theo Von?

  Now, it's like, yeah, you're like, oh, that chick's hilarious, you know? But I think there was probably, I could see there being like, you know, a generation or two ago, where people were more like, oh, I can't believe she's saying that.

• 1:13:18Speaker 02

  Mm-hmm, or I think also, they want a woman to be pretty and not making... Faces where she's not as attractive or something. I fought with that, like I wanted to be pretty, but I didn't wanna look stupid. And I, when I was younger.

• 1:13:32Theo Von?

  Right.

• 1:13:33Speaker 02

  Now, I mean.

• 1:13:34Theo Von?

  Whatever we can do.

• 1:13:34Speaker 02

  Whatever we can do. And Christian Johnson would say to me, cause when I first saw myself on TV, I thought, oh my gosh, where's my chin?

• 1:13:40Theo Von?

  Mm-hmm.

• 1:13:40Speaker 02

  And I, I need to get a face lift. And you know Hollywood, how that does that mess to you? And then, and she goes, Lynn, think about the funny. Think about Lucille Ball, Carol Burnett, Mary Tyler Moore. And you know, instead of just fixating on trying to be youthful and the prettiest and all that. And I do think that's wonderful that this happened to me at my age, because I don't have that pressure of somebody. I mean, you look at Nikki Glaser's legs.

• 1:14:06Theo Von?

  Mm.

• 1:14:06Speaker 02

  She is stunning. You know, she is a beauty.

• 1:14:09Theo Von?

  Oh, yeah. Like a couple of dams. She got some Charleston shoes on her, baby. Things are nice. I, but, yes.

• 1:14:15Speaker 02

  All these young girls that are, you know, so pretty. And, and I think, I feel like that even puts more pressure on them. That I don't feel that pressure anymore. I used to feel that pressure.

• 1:14:24Theo Von?

  Yeah. So it really kinda, everything kinda happened at the most perfect time, you feel like?

• 1:14:28Speaker 02

  Oh, I know it did.

• 1:14:29Theo Von?

  Right. And that's, it's kind of a silly question, cause it's, to me, it's all on God's time. And what else am I gonna do about it?

• 1:14:35Speaker 02

  I know. And you think about if, I always think if those television deals have made it, these children would not be who they are, my kids.

• 1:14:42Theo Von?

  Was there any real tough moments with your kids where they kinda held it against you? That that was a more of a thing or something like that?

• 1:14:47Speaker 02

  No, no. Uh-uh. And really, I wasn't, I was not working. I mean, I was working, but I was always there for them. And I never had to hire anybody, that nobody ever resented me for anything. I did miss a few things.

• 1:14:59Theo Von?

  Did you coach it?

• 1:14:59Speaker 02

  As they were growing up.

• 1:15:00Theo Von?

  Yeah.

• 1:15:00Speaker 02

  But, but not bad, not bad. I got to be there with them. And when I did that movie with Reese Witherspoon, she said to me every day on that, sing it, you got to raise your own children, Lynn.

• 1:15:10Theo Von?

  She did.

• 1:15:11Speaker 02

  And I did.

• 1:15:12Theo Von?

  I just saw her the other day. I just met her, first time.

• 1:15:16Speaker 02

  Beautiful. Is she not beautiful and smart?

• 1:15:19Theo Von?

  Connor, I met her kid Cullen. She had two boys with her, Cullen.

• 1:15:23Speaker 02

  Um, oh, Tennessee's the baby.

• 1:15:26Theo Von?

  Cullen in Tennessee. Those are their names. Yeah, I just met her the other day. Yep, beautiful, nice, friendly.

• 1:15:31Speaker 02

  Beautiful children.

• 1:15:31Theo Von?

  We chatted for a little while. Actually, I told her I would, uh, check in and just say hey to her. Yeah, I gotta, uh, say hello, but, um.

• 1:15:39Speaker 02

  She's smart.

• 1:15:40Theo Von?

  Ava Deacon in Tennessee. Wait.

• 1:15:41Speaker 02

  Deacon. You saw Deacon and I was trying to think of that baby's name, and he's stunning.

• 1:15:45Theo Von?

  No, she has two little ones, though.

• 1:15:48Speaker 02

  That Tennessee's the baby. She had the first two behind that Felipe boy.

• 1:15:52Theo Von?

  Okay, Ryan Felipe, yeah.

• 1:15:54Speaker 02

  Yeah, and then this baby, I got to meet, um, well, I met all of them, but.

• 1:15:59Theo Von?

  Maybe his friend was there. I thought it was.

• 1:16:00Speaker 02

  Oh, and then he probably had a little friend with him.

• 1:16:03Theo Von?

  He might have had a damn friend. And then I met.

• 1:16:06Speaker 02

  And she said he loves living in Nashville. He gets out and plays in the neighborhood and does all that.

• 1:16:10Theo Von?

  They were joyful children. I mean, yeah, I met them at the Vanderbilt game. Um. Yeah, that would be the tough part. I wonder, was it tough balancing any of that? Is it tough, uh?

• 1:16:22Speaker 02

  It wasn't tough. I need to tell people. It was not tough because I had Chuck Morgan that was an executive that made good money.

• 1:16:31Theo Von?

  So Chuck could help provide everything.

• 1:16:32Speaker 02

  Uh huh. I didn't have to, I mean, I took horrible gigs. I did horrible gigs like everybody, but I wasn't sleeping in a Ford Festiva.

• 1:16:39Theo Von?

  Right. And we, yeah, my mother had a Ford Festiva, actually, and we used to make jewelry in the trunk in there at night.

• 1:16:46Speaker 02

  Making jewelry?

• 1:16:47Theo Von?

  We'd sit in there and make little earrings and stuff like that and bracelets and stuff.

• 1:16:51Speaker 02

  Well, I sold jewelry when I started. That's how I got into comedy is I, Chuck Morgan moved me to Bean Station, Tennessee, in the foothills of the Appalachian Mountains. And I sold jewelry like women sell Mary Kay and Tupperware because I'd had my first baby and I wanted to stay home with him. And, um, and I would, I was supposed to be talking about jewelry in these women's living rooms and I would, you know, I started some of my first material there, talking about breastfeeding or hemorrhoids or whatever. Got laughs. Women would book me far in advance. And then that gave me the confidence to do comedy club. By the time I got to San Antonio, I had a comedy club. And I did open mic and then all that. But I sold jewelry. I wasn't making it in the back of a Ford Festiva, though, my darling.

• 1:17:35Theo Von?

  Well, yeah, we would just do it in there because it was quiet in there. It was a kinda loud.

• 1:17:40Speaker 02

  And you need quiet to make jewelry.

• 1:17:41Theo Von?

  Yeah, it was just peaceful in there kinda, you know, we'd go sit out in the car a lot at night, I would. I'd go sleep out there sometimes. My mom had these boxes. She used to deliver cookies. My mom mostly did delivering. So she was always boxes of some shit at our house, boxes it is.

• 1:17:55Speaker 02

  Like little dabbies or what are we talking?

• 1:17:57Theo Von?

  Oh, she worked for this cookie company for a while called Vortman Cookies, I remember. And I'd go sleep out there and that Ford Festiva, that bitch would barely go, dude. That thing was probably had about 400 pounds of cookies in that bitch. Car only weighed 80 pounds, dude. You could, dude, if you dropped something near the car, you could pick it up and look under there for it. It was so easy. Look at that car. Yeah, that one right there. Yep, that was it. Ours was gray though. That thing was small, brother. And my mom could beat all of us in while she was driving. Play us like a damn drum set in there while she was driving, dude. And my long neck brother hit his cymbal ass.

• 1:18:32Theo Von?

  But she could pop, pop, pop, pop, pop, pop, pop. We were misbehaving in that little car. But yeah, there was never any peace in the area. But I'd go out there at night sometimes and spend a little bit of time. I'd go lay on those boxes of cookies. They smelled so good. They had gingerbread cookies too around Christmas. I'd go lay on there and just smell that gingerbread and just pretend I lived in England or something.

• 1:18:51Speaker 02

  Oh, my darling.

• 1:18:53Theo Von?

  I love that. And my mom had a big rug in her room and it was a, uh...

• 1:19:00Theo Von?

  I don't know if it was a cow. I don't know what it was. It was an animal that had died.

• 1:19:04Speaker 02

  Real? Hide?

• 1:19:05Theo Von?

  Real hide. I think it was an animal. Hell, it could have been a damn doberman. I don't know what it was, but it was big. You know what I'm saying? It was pretty big and it looked like somebody milked it. But, uh...

• 1:19:15Speaker 02

  And you laid on there?

• 1:19:16Theo Von?

  I'd lay on that thing and just smell that animal and just think of like being out on like the prairie or something or being like a cowboy or something like that. I remember that.

• 1:19:26Speaker 02

  Well, your imagination, honey, with...

• 1:19:29Theo Von?

  It was fun. But yeah, the damn apartment was sinking and people would steal that wood. I just want to finish the love life here. So Chuck Morgan, you meet him over there in Knoxville. And he walks into where and sees you?

• 1:19:42Speaker 02

  At the restaurant that I was working.

• 1:19:44Theo Von?

  And what were you doing there working? What was your?

• 1:19:46Speaker 02

  I was waiting tables and I was standing waiting for my table to get seated. And he came through with a training group and he's six foot four. And I said, you're tall as a tree. And he said, sorry. And I thought, another butthole's come to work at Grady's. And I thought, stay away from him. He's not fun. And he just would like stand next to me, you know, and kind of lurk. And then we'd be in-

• 1:20:09Theo Von?

  And provide shade, you mean? I love how you can't see the positive in it, Leanne. Go on.

• 1:20:15Speaker 02

  And then we would have shift meetings and I'd be eating a baked potato with some sour cream and butter on it.

• 1:20:22Speaker 02

  And maybe cheese. And he would, I remember the, the second thing he said to me was, you don't need to eat all that fat on your baked potato. And I thought, man, what a butthole. I mean, he doesn't need to sit by me. Leave me alone. The next time, I think I've said on the, back there doing catch-ups or something. I said to one of the girls working, I love your Dooney and Burke purse, girl. The next day, he brought me a Dooney and Burke purse and a big box with a bow on it. And then started doing all my side work. And if I, if I need, had a test, he would say, I'll take your shift and I'll give you the money. And started like pursuing me, wooing me.

• 1:21:03Speaker 02

  And see, I had been through a divorce at 23. I was divorced at 23, which how redneck is that?

• 1:21:11Theo Von?

  Were you living in a group home? Where were you living?

• 1:21:13Speaker 02

  No, well, I roomed with two boys that were in the basement. They, I was working at behind a clinic counter.

• 1:21:20Theo Von?

  Honey, that's a group home. I think it's a halfway house. Go on, though.

• 1:21:24Speaker 02

  And they said, there's these new apartments opening up.

• 1:21:26Theo Von?

  Wreath or not? Wreath or no wreath?

• 1:21:28Speaker 02

  No wreath. And they said, one of them worked in the shoes and one of them worked in security. And they said, there's a new apartment complex being built in the fort by UT campus. If you Lou, they called me Lou, they go, do you wanna share an apartment with us? We'll keep you safe. We'll be in the basement. There's two down below the stayups. You can have the, there were two bedrooms up. We didn't have a fourth roommate. Except one time this little boy moved in there for a little while that wanted to be a weatherman. He did not have it.

• 1:21:59Theo Von?

  Oh, yeah. Sometimes it's a gay guy, too.

• 1:22:01Speaker 02

  He was gay and darling and we did each other's hair and had a ball. Okay, but and smoked.

• 1:22:07Theo Von?

  200% chance of sunshine, I'll tell you that, baby.

• 1:22:10Speaker 02

  He had a little bitty robe and he'd walk around in and he had a big pompadour and he wanted to do the weather. But you know, some people just don't have that, that, the support behind them.

• 1:22:21Theo Von?

  Oh, God.

• 1:22:21Speaker 02

  I don't think he ever got to do the weather. But anyway, I don't know how he came in, but anyway, I took care of these boys. They were dating and doing and, and I was kinda like the, not the ma, I was 23 years old, but I made a, I made a good rotele dip. I liked to make over them. They'd have their girlfriends over. They'd have their boyfriend, guy friends, fraternity boys. And so I, it was something to help me get over this divorce and have, you know, and have friends and all that. And turns out Chuck Morgan was in their fraternity and was in MBA school with one of them. We made that connection later, but by then I had, I had been through a horrible divorce. I'd cut all my hair off. I had.

• 1:23:03Theo Von?

  How off? Shaved it off?

• 1:23:04Speaker 02

  Not shaved, but short.

• 1:23:06Theo Von?

  Were you gonna join the air force, that type of shit?

• 1:23:08Speaker 02

  If I had had the guts, yeah, but I didn't. I'm sissy. But, but I didn't want anything to do with men and, cause I was so hurt and all that. And then Chuck Morgan just would not take no for an answer and wooed and wooed and wooed me and bought me gifts and paid my rent. And, you know, later now in interviews, he brings it up and acts like he was innocent. I had to pay her rent. I go, what? Nobody asked you to.

• 1:23:33Theo Von?

  First thing he told me. He had a damn invoice written up in his phone. He said, I'll email it to you. I said, look, but I'm.

• 1:23:40Speaker 02

  He probably kept that receipt.

• 1:23:43Theo Von?

  But did you finally, was there a moment you realized you loved him kind of, or did you just kind of?

• 1:23:47Speaker 02

  Yes, I fell in love with him and then.

• 1:23:50Theo Von?

  But was there a moment you did, or just kind of slowly build up?

• 1:23:52Speaker 02

  It slowly built because I did not, I always had trust issues because I'd been through something terrible. And I told him, I've been through something terrible. Don't woo me. And he does not take no for an answer because he's a mobile home salesman.

• 1:24:06Theo Von?

  Oh, yeah.

• 1:24:06Speaker 02

  They are, they've got a lot of testosterone. They're very dominant.

• 1:24:10Theo Von?

  And the first thing you tell him is no?

• 1:24:13Speaker 02

  Yeah. And they don't take no for an, they can sell. I mean, he's been successful. He does not take no for an answer. He still does it.

• 1:24:20Theo Von?

  Oh, you're slinging mo-hos, dude. That shit's fucking, you got to, you got to.

• 1:24:24Speaker 02

  It's lucrative.

• 1:24:24Theo Von?

  You can't give up. Oh, yeah.

• 1:24:26Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:24:27Theo Von?

  Oh, yeah.

• 1:24:27Speaker 02

  Warren Buffett Company, Berkshire Hathaway. Anyway, um, yeah, he would not leave me alone. And then he said, when I get a job, after MBA school, we'll get married. And then, um, I was cocktailing. He was bartending by then. And he broke up with me.

• 1:24:46Theo Von?

  What?

• 1:24:46Speaker 02

  Yeah, he was, broke up with me for no reason.

• 1:24:49Theo Von?

  What? No reason?

• 1:24:52Speaker 02

  Well, he said that I smelled from the cigarettes and he could not take anymore. But I don't think that was the main reason. I did smell. Marlboro Lights.

• 1:25:01Theo Von?

  Oh, yeah, they're good.

• 1:25:03Speaker 02

  They're good. Well, I wish they were healthy.

• 1:25:06Theo Von?

  God, they're good.

• 1:25:06Speaker 02

  Anyway, I had just, I don't know what he was going through, but he broke up with me. And then he bought a used mobile home business up in Bean Station, Tennessee, where there's no women his age. I think that was also a factor.

• 1:25:18Theo Von?

  Ah, and he said I got.

• 1:25:19Speaker 02

  He gets up there, there's women working at the bank, you know, in their 40s, had a hard time. Okay, so then I'm down finishing up my degree.

• 1:25:28Theo Von?

  Baby girl.

• 1:25:29Speaker 02

  I went to Fort Lauderdale on spring break, got a tan. I was the third wheel with another couple.

• 1:25:34Theo Von?

  Don't matter, bitch. The sun hitting everybody.

• 1:25:36Speaker 02

  Yeah. And he had never seen me with a tan. By then I was working behind another counter. I had like four jobs, you know, trying to make it. And, um, and he saw me with a tan and then said, can I buy you a pair of tennis shoes? And I was like. Maybe, and um, and then I took him back. He bought me a pair of Asics.

• 1:25:59Theo Von?

  Oh, God, they were nice. They were pretty nice, I thought.

• 1:26:02Speaker 02

  They were nice. Yeah, and um, yeah, and he um, wanted me back. He, I'd been dating a long haired boy that was an artist, who was um,

• 1:26:14Theo Von?

  Poor.

• 1:26:15Speaker 02

  Poor, and I do like a man with health insurance. I gotta tell you, I like a man that when he takes you to Costco, he buys the toilet paper. He doesn't say, let's split it.

• 1:26:25Theo Von?

  Yeah.

• 1:26:26Speaker 02

  I don't like that.

• 1:26:28Theo Von?

  Yeah.

• 1:26:28Speaker 02

  So this was a long haired artist, and one of my roommates said, either Lou's got a date or we're being robbed. And he did kinda look like my sister.

• 1:26:37Theo Von?

  Hmm.

• 1:26:37Speaker 02

  But anyway, Chuck found out.

• 1:26:39Theo Von?

  Good looking, though.

• 1:26:40Speaker 02

  Yeah, he was a pretty guy. He was pretty, but um, he had a bicycle. He didn't own a car. He could make mayonnaise from scratch, and the, and that was pretty nifty.

• 1:26:49Theo Von?

  Oh, my God, and that was considered a, also a hair, uh, people would put in their hair back then, remember that?

• 1:26:54Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:26:54Theo Von?

  People put in their hair to give.

• 1:26:55Speaker 02

  Deep condition.

• 1:26:56Theo Von?

  Yeah.

• 1:26:56Speaker 02

  Yeah, and he also, I thought about this the other day, cause it was fall. He made pumpkin cheesecake. He said, I'm going to, this was, Lord, what was this, the early nineties? And he goes, you know what? I think pumpkin, canned pumpkin would be good in a cheesecake. And I remember thinking,

• 1:27:15Speaker 02

  I don't even know what you're saying.

• 1:27:16Theo Von?

  Who was this fruit wizard over here? Yeah, who was this fucking Halloween fruit wizard? Doing that crazy shit. I mean, that was considered damn experimental at the time.

• 1:27:27Speaker 02

  I know. He really was, you know, kind of a savant. So then he said to me.

• 1:27:32Theo Von?

  He was in over his head at a damn Marie Callender's, I'll tell you that, that's for sure.

• 1:27:37Speaker 02

  Uh, and he rode a bicycle, and the bicycle had a sticker on the back of it that said, burn fat, not oil. And I was driving a Toyota Corolla.

• 1:27:46Theo Von?

  Ooh, those are nice.

• 1:27:47Speaker 02

  Mm-hmm. That my little daddy bought me, because I had been driving, after a divorce, my granddaddy's Impala that was beige, that when I drove through a parking lot, people threw dope out of the window thinking I was the FBI or the police.

• 1:28:01Theo Von?

  They'd have one of those lights on the outside of it, remember those, sometimes you get those police vehicles, people at an auction? That was the big thing in our town, somebody get him a damn auction vehicle, them bitches. Go on, though, so?

• 1:28:12Speaker 02

  Um, and so, uh, the boy, the long-haired boy said to me, "If we marry, I want to stay home with the children, and you be the breadwinner." And, and I broke up with him that day. And I was like, "I'm not, I, I don't have any earning potential, and I need somebody who's a hunter and a gatherer."

• 1:28:32Theo Von?

  Yeah.

• 1:28:33Speaker 02

  Like Chuck Morgan. I've never had to worry about Chuck Morgan. If, whatever happens, if the world's coming to an end, Chuck Morgan will get out there and dig ditches, or drive a truck, or do whatever.

• 1:28:44Theo Von?

  He'll be fine.

• 1:28:44Speaker 02

  He'll be fine. He can make it off of flat rock. He can make a living off of flat rock.

• 1:28:50Theo Von?

  Amen.

• 1:28:51Speaker 02

  So, um, yeah, so that, that, we married, and then that's when he took me up into Appalachia.

• 1:28:57Theo Von?

  Because, yeah, once you get something good, you go hide it near the mountain, you, you gotta hide it somewhere, if you's a man. So he put you over there.

• 1:29:03Speaker 02

  He put me up in those mountains.

• 1:29:05Theo Von?

  Bean?

• 1:29:05Speaker 02

  Bean Station, Tennessee.

• 1:29:07Theo Von?

  Bean Station, Tennessee, pull that up, I want to see that beautiful joint.

• 1:29:10Speaker 02

  That's, and it's beautiful, look, looking at the mountains and the lake, but we didn't have that. We didn't have that kind of view. Very tiny town, there wasn't IGA grocery store.

• 1:29:22Theo Von?

  I remember those.

• 1:29:23Speaker 02

  Uh-huh, and I liked it.

• 1:29:24Theo Von?

  They were good.

• 1:29:25Speaker 02

  And there was a post office, and his business was right behind the post office. And he had that business at 27, he bought that business and was running, it had employees.

• 1:29:32Theo Von?

  Was it a car wash, or what was it?

• 1:29:34Speaker 02

  Um, used mobile home refurbishing business.

• 1:29:36Theo Von?

  Ooh, I like that.

• 1:29:37Speaker 02

  And I worked for him.

• 1:29:40Speaker 02

  Few weeks and I, and we don't work well together. And I honest to goodness, I, I know that that helped start my comedy career because I saw things you've never. I saw a family drive up in a gremlin with the window out and a nine year old smoking a cigarette, looking for a single wide. And they came in the office and the grandmama said, um, or the baby said, give me a light, Mamaw. She lit her cigarette off of that, uh, her grandmama.

• 1:30:09Theo Von?

  Oh.

• 1:30:09Speaker 02

  She was nine and I thought, okay, I need to go home. I need to go home, get pregnant.

• 1:30:16Theo Von?

  Oh, yeah.

• 1:30:17Speaker 02

  Because I can't take this. I mean, I, it was a lot.

• 1:30:20Theo Von?

  Oh, yeah. I want something to, I want something to come out of, climb out of my body and start smoking.

• 1:30:24Speaker 02

  Yeah. But I, um, yeah, I, it was, um, my husband is very, um, loving and giving and there would be like if a family didn't have a home, there was a little old woman that didn't have a, that they wanted a house and he said, she said, I can make you blankets. And so he took a blanket, um, that she would make every few months and that was her payment.

• 1:30:46Theo Von?

  Hmm.

• 1:30:47Speaker 02

  So Chuck Morgan, uh, also had a mobile home park and bought all the children their Christmas. He would come home and say, we've got to get a Justin Bieber doll ASAP. And I'd be like, okay. So then Chuck went to work for a big company because he's, he would give everything he had away to everybody and he still does. He still is very giving and loving, not to his own family.

• 1:31:10Theo Von?

  No, not at all. He captured you and put you in the heels.

• 1:31:14Speaker 02

  Or tells me that I, I don't need to be flying first class.

• 1:31:19Theo Von?

  Yeah.

• 1:31:19Speaker 02

  On tour. So, cause all these boys have these big buses and stuff, these comedians have, I am in a Mitsubishi rental car.

• 1:31:27Theo Von?

  Yeah.

• 1:31:28Speaker 02

  This baby and I share a hotel room. I talk about that in this new special. On Netflix that dropped. That's the truth. If people watch this, Chuck Morgan wants us to share a hotel room. She's gonna be 28 years old. We are sleeping butt to butt in a king.

• 1:31:45Theo Von?

  God.

• 1:31:46Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:31:47Theo Von?

  Oh.

• 1:31:47Speaker 02

  And he prefers us to eat the free continental breakfast.

• 1:31:51Theo Von?

  Some of, now when, I will say this, the ones at Hampton Inn got better. They did an upgrade about nine years ago.

• 1:31:58Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:31:58Theo Von?

  That I respected. You could start to see it. They put like pictures inside of the elevator and I was like, okay.

• 1:32:03Speaker 02

  Okay.

• 1:32:04Theo Von?

  Okay.

• 1:32:04Speaker 02

  And they had that little omelet you could get with cheese in it.

• 1:32:07Theo Von?

  That was good. And they started to get that thing, uh, waffle maker.

• 1:32:11Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:32:12Theo Von?

  But then somebody fucking leaves it on. You have to turn it over. It's very hard to use. I watched somebody, you'll just, you'll see somebody get burned. There's a lot of issues. I wonder if they're still keeping those. But Hampton Inn.

• 1:32:21Speaker 02

  But they make a good waffle, those things.

• 1:32:23Theo Von?

  They've done a great job. Yeah, yeah.

• 1:32:26Speaker 02

  And you know a Hampton Inn's clean, clean, you know?

• 1:32:29Theo Von?

  Of course, man. Yeah, those were the days, you know?

• 1:32:33Speaker 02

  Well, I'm still in them. I'm still in them.

• 1:32:37Speaker 02

  But, you know, he.

• 1:32:38Theo Von?

  But that's love.

• 1:32:39Speaker 02

  This was, he was not used to this. Like, I didn't make money for a year. I mean, I'd make a little bit of money, get my children Santa Claus, get everybody a haircut, not save for taxes. That he'd be real mad, you know, come April. But then, when this started happening, you know, he's just not used to it. It takes your family a while to figure out what's happening. The baby knew what was happening because she's out there with me. He's like, this could end tomorrow.

• 1:33:03Theo Von?

  Yeah, he just, yeah. He's just looking at the balance sheet when you guys get home. It's never great, you know? Who spent $60 at a damn Wendy's, you know? And it's just like, well, you know?

• 1:33:16Speaker 02

  Uh huh. Or in an airport, one of those, you know, you gotta have some magnesium for stress.

• 1:33:23Theo Von?

  Those kiosks, yeah. Yeah. And how long have you guys been married now?

• 1:33:27Speaker 02

  It'll be 34 in April.

• 1:33:29Theo Von?

  Oh, that's beautiful.

• 1:33:29Speaker 02

  And three babies and two grandbabies.

• 1:33:32Theo Von?

  And everyone asks, what's the secret to 33 years of marriage?

• 1:33:36Speaker 02

  I say, it's a lot of praying in the bathtub.

• 1:33:42Speaker 02

  It's hard.

• 1:33:42Theo Von?

  Tornado prayers kinda.

• 1:33:44Speaker 02

  Yeah, it is. It's hard. And you just gotta fight the big battles, not the little ones. You know, just let things roll off your back because it's a lot to live with somebody. And it's not, it's not easy. It's not easy. And Chuck Moran and I are both very opposite. He's very introverted, very anal retentive. Everything's gotta be in its place. I'm an artist, Theo.

• 1:34:10Theo Von?

  Yeah.

• 1:34:11Speaker 02

  My, my junk drawer is pretty bad.

• 1:34:14Theo Von?

  Yes.

• 1:34:14Speaker 02

  In my kitchen, but I've raised these children. They're fun. Like if I, he's very well educated and loves school. If he had been at home with them, I've always said, if he went traveling, they would end up in Harvard with a nervous tick. But they had me and we went to the zoo and we went to Dollywood. I didn't let them skips go, but we had a good time.

• 1:34:36Theo Von?

  I love that.

• 1:34:37Speaker 02

  And they wanna be with me now.

• 1:34:39Theo Von?

  Of course they do.

• 1:34:40Speaker 02

  You know, they're fun and they wanna be with me. But they're not over, they're, they do great, but they're not, he's an overachiever.

• 1:34:49Theo Von?

  Not us.

• 1:34:49Speaker 02

  Never enough, never enough, driven, driven. I realize now I'm kinda driven in my standup. I, I want things to be like the special coming out. I worried my, I told you at the UT ball game, I'm worried sick. I just, you know, it's just, it's never good enough for me. I don't, you know, I wish I could do it a hundred times more, even though I don't, because it'll give me the shingles. I don't wanna do it again, because it'll give me the shingles.

• 1:35:17Theo Von?

  Unspeakable thing that just came out on Netflix. Congratulations, your second one.

• 1:35:22Speaker 02

  Yes, thank you, my darling. My second one. And it went to number one on Netflix. And then, you know, in my mind, I'm thinking, oh, nothing else came out that week. Raw Wrestling will be out Monday. That'll knock it out. And then the Squid Games, the little children who were, I don't even know what that is. But my, okay, my television show had to compete with, that went to number two. That had to compete with those girls that were killing those boars in their panties.

• 1:35:52Theo Von?

  Oh, I don't know if I saw that.

• 1:35:53Speaker 02

  Hunting Wives?

• 1:35:55Theo Von?

  Oh, I haven't seen Hunting Wives. Is it good?

• 1:35:57Speaker 02

  It is kinda, it's nasty. If you like a good nasty, um, there's some lesbian going zone.

• 1:36:05Theo Von?

  Oh, I've heard about this.

• 1:36:08Speaker 02

  And they're killing boars in their panties.

• 1:36:10Theo Von?

  People are watching Mormon Wives right now.

• 1:36:12Speaker 02

  I've heard it is fascinating.

• 1:36:14Theo Von?

  Shit, I'll take either one of them. I'll take, I gotta get a dang wife. I thought, I think I could handle a hunting wife.

• 1:36:19Speaker 02

  Whoever made that show, I don't think cares for Republican people in, um, in Texas. Cause it's about Republican people that are shooting boars in their panties.

• 1:36:31Theo Von?

  Mm-hmm.

• 1:36:32Speaker 02

  And that was number one. I never got to number one with my television show because I could not compete with that.

• 1:36:39Theo Von?

  Who could?

• 1:36:40Speaker 02

  Who could?

• 1:36:41Theo Von?

  Yeah, honey, you got to number two and that's great. I think that's perfect.

• 1:36:44Speaker 02

  Thank you.

• 1:36:44Theo Von?

  Yeah, that's love. So you got Chuck Morgan, you got your, you've had a nice life so far, Leanne.

• 1:36:49Speaker 02

  I do.

• 1:36:51Theo Von?

  Lou, they call you Lou?

• 1:36:52Speaker 02

  My, uh, in college, everybody called me Lou in high school.

• 1:36:55Theo Von?

  Were you a tomboy kinda?

• 1:36:57Speaker 02

  Mm-hmm. And I love sports until I'm, you know, uh, then I, I love boys. And I got real boy crazy and I still played sports, but I didn't care as much. And I, and then I projected onto my children and made my kids play all these sports because I knew I didn't do as much as I should have.

• 1:37:12Theo Von?

  Oh, I love that though. You have to do that as a parent.

• 1:37:15Speaker 02

  Yeah, they played club volleyball. My girls played all over the United States, travel.

• 1:37:20Theo Von?

  Yeah. Oh, my kids, you know, my kids are gonna play shit that I never got to do, whether they wanted or not.

• 1:37:25Speaker 02

  Are you look athletic? Did you play ball?

• 1:37:28Theo Von?

  I played high school basketball. I smoked also at the same time, but they let me play. I was pretty good for, I was the only kid that would smoke. It was an active smoker.

• 1:37:36Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:37:37Theo Von?

  Like I remember one time I was out there smoking and the, uh, one of the assistant coaches was out there smoking. So nobody could say shit. But I was pretty good for somebody out there that was, that had a.

• 1:37:46Speaker 02

  That didn't have your full lung capacity.

• 1:37:48Theo Von?

  Yeah, I had, yeah, I was good in spurts. That was my, that was my nickname. Good in spurts.

• 1:37:54Speaker 02

  Well, they made me play everything because I went to this little bitty tiny country school and they need, I was tall. So I played softball, basketball.

• 1:38:03Theo Von?

  She's the model, she's basketball, everything. Meet up at her if we're in a field and people are lost, meet up at her. The tall person always gets all that, all of, all the action. They're the lighthouse of the fucking world when you're tall. Those are the days, especially in a small community.

• 1:38:18Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:38:19Theo Von?

  Tall one. I miss that though. I miss like, yeah, there's something, I wonder where I'd like to live one day, whenever I get a family and stuff, maybe in a small place.

• 1:38:29Speaker 02

  There's small little towns around middle Tennessee that are darling. Do you think you'd want to stay in Tennessee?

• 1:38:35Theo Von?

  I think so, you know? I want to spend time back in Louisiana when I can, but I do, I, I've enjoyed it here. I miss my home. I miss a lot of the people, but I go back and see them. Every time I'm home, I, I spend most of my time home traveling and seeing teachers that taught me when I was a kid. I'm still close with a lot of like, people from my childhood and.

• 1:38:52Speaker 02

  Were you, you've had to have been very smart and bright and they knew it.

• 1:38:57Theo Von?

  I don't know.

• 1:38:57Speaker 02

  Cause you're so quick witted.

• 1:38:59Theo Von?

  I do alright, I guess. What was I like? I don't know what I was like.

• 1:39:05Speaker 02

  I bet you were a yummy little kid and they thought that kid's got it, like Elvis and J Lo and Michael Jackson. You know, when somebody's got it, they've got it and you can't manufacture it.

• 1:39:16Theo Von?

  Hmm.

• 1:39:16Speaker 02

  And you have it.

• 1:39:17Theo Von?

  Well, that's a sweet thought.

• 1:39:19Speaker 02

  But they, oh, it's true, my darling. And then you're bright and you're quick witted, so they knew you were smart. And then, you know, you, people are fun that used, back then that used to smoke. That's fun. That's a fun kid. Wrong. Nobody needs to be smoking now. Let's say that. Nobody needs to be smoking.

• 1:39:36Theo Von?

  But it is fun to watch a kid smoke. Know what I'm saying? That, when that nine year old pulled up in your store to buy that double wide?

• 1:39:43Speaker 02

  That's a little girl. That's a little girl.

• 1:39:45Theo Von?

  Look, she's getting a discount.

• 1:39:47Speaker 02

  We had a smoking porch at my school. Everybody smoked on that porch. I didn't smoke then. I waited till I got to UT and I started at like 19, cause all these girls that were waiting tables and had Louis Vuitton purses.

• 1:39:58Theo Von?

  God.

• 1:39:59Speaker 02

  I wanted to be like them.

• 1:40:00Theo Von?

  Yeah, of course.

• 1:40:01Speaker 02

  And they were like, let's go smoke in the bathroom. Screw that manager.

• 1:40:04Theo Von?

  Yeah. Oh dude, I remember first time, yeah, I never, like, yeah, I definitely smoked and then finally got a little bit of cocaine. And then, um.

• 1:40:12Speaker 02

  Who gave you cocaine?

• 1:40:14Theo Von?

  I don't remember. I just remember I'd been.

• 1:40:16Speaker 02

  There was cocaine in a little town in Louisiana.

• 1:40:19Theo Von?

  Not a lot. Not a lot.

• 1:40:21Speaker 02

  Not a lot, but somebody had it.

• 1:40:22Theo Von?

  Enough to keep you up.

• 1:40:24Speaker 02

  See, I didn't even know what in the world. We didn't know what. There was a couple of boys that, that, that they'd be like, they like to do dope. But we stayed away from them. We were scared of them because they were all these farming kids that had Future Farmers of America jackets. So we stayed away from that, but we couldn't write a paper either. You know, we were, we didn't, we weren't ready for college, but we weren't, it wasn't a wild. It was insulated from farming people.

• 1:40:50Theo Von?

  Oh yeah. Well, that was more when I got to college in our town. We never had, yeah, you'd have people smoking.

• 1:40:54Speaker 02

  Oh, so it was college.

• 1:40:55Theo Von?

  Yeah. But yeah, in our town, you, you did have people smoking, but it was like weed. Yeah, we're smoking dope. Yeah. Like those kids smoked dope. That's when they would say dope.

• 1:41:02Speaker 02

  Dope.

• 1:41:02Theo Von?

  You didn't really see like pills and stuff back then. It would just be people got high on weed and it was kind of an issue, but. I don't know. I miss it. I miss just being in our neighborhood. You know, that guy, the Elvis impersonator who put that fence up.

• 1:41:14Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:41:14Theo Von?

  He had broken his leg and so somebody set it in cement, right? Save money from going to the hospital or whatever. So they set that bitch in cement and it must've been fine, right? Seven weeks, whatever they take that, uh, cast off, they broke the cast off. They broke it with a, the hammer was too big that they broke it with. And it broke his hip when they beat the, when they.

• 1:41:37Speaker 02

  Are you kidding me?

• 1:41:38Theo Von?

  No, I'm not kidding at all. When they hit the thing with the hammer, it cracked his hip. So now. His shit's re-broken up at his hip and he ended up getting that kind of tick tock in him like that. And he got into Elvis impersonating. Which is so wild.

• 1:41:55Speaker 02

  But that helped him when he gyrated.

• 1:41:57Theo Von?

  Well, that's what I'm saying. He was, yeah, he was built like it was just about to be noon. You know what I'm saying? He was built like, you know what I'm saying? Another 60 ticks and the, it was time, you know, it was lunch break. You know what I'm saying? He was just a damn pentameter walking around town. That's all he was. He was one of those things where the, uh, thing goes back and forth, you know? When you pull the ball and you let it go and then this one goes and it's like that. That was him. He was just tick tock my gutter right there and he was just cruising around. But yeah, he had a couple of kids, kept them in the yard. And, uh, I don't even remember what that story was about.

• 1:42:27Speaker 02

  Kept him in the yard.

• 1:42:28Theo Von?

  And that was the electric fence that he got. I don't remember how that whole that started.

• 1:42:31Speaker 02

  All right, let me ask you, how far is St. Francisville? Is that anywhere near where you were raised?

• 1:42:37Theo Von?

  That's about two and a half hours from me. You know who it was from there that you're making me think of?

• 1:42:40Speaker 02

  Who?

• 1:42:40Theo Von?

  John Morgan, the raging Cajun.

• 1:42:43Speaker 02

  Raging Cajun, I opened for him.

• 1:42:44Theo Von?

  You did?

• 1:42:44Speaker 02

  I've opened for him.

• 1:42:46Theo Von?

  Bring him up. He was a good storyteller and he still is.

• 1:42:49Speaker 02

  And he could get a crowd going.

• 1:42:51Theo Von?

  God, he could.

• 1:42:52Speaker 02

  Very high energy.

• 1:42:53Theo Von?

  John Morgan, the raging Cajun.

• 1:42:57Speaker 02

  That was at the Star Dome. I opened for him, or featured for him at the Star Dome and then in San Antonio.

• 1:43:02Theo Von?

  Play a clip of his, okay, if we can, or just, is he still doing it, I wonder?

• 1:43:06Speaker 02

  Yeah, I think so.

• 1:43:07Theo Von?

  God, there was nobody like him and he had adopted.

• 1:43:09Speaker 03

  Thirty years of being together, you make love and you move on. You get up and you move on. You ask the right questions. You want some nut butters and milk?

• 1:43:20Speaker 03

  I ain't gonna like nut butters after busting you up, boy, I'ma tell you right now. We blast the whole milk, shoot. Bitch, I'm at the point in my life where you could ask me, you want to fuck or you want nut butter to be milk? Just whole milk?

• 1:43:37Speaker 03

  Pour that glass, you know?

• 1:43:40Theo Von?

  I love him, man. He was the best when I was starting out. I mean, he's a great comedian. There's a lot of comedians that people that, you know, that don't get some of the acclaim maybe in some.

• 1:43:49Speaker 02

  I know. Do you remember little Mark Ryan? Mark Ryan was a good storyteller, um, too, that was kinda like him and he was from Louisiana.

• 1:43:59Theo Von?

  Mark Ryan? No, I do remember Mark Ryan.

• 1:44:02Speaker 02

  A little, um, blond headed, yeah, uh, that boy.

• 1:44:05Theo Von?

  Oh, wait, you know what? I don't know if I remember him.

• 1:44:08Speaker 02

  I worked with him.

• 1:44:10Theo Von?

  That's cool.

• 1:44:12Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:44:12Theo Von?

  It's hard to know. I probably did. He yelled?

• 1:44:16Speaker 02

  Yelled. I mean, like, you know, high energy, like, um, John Morgan.

• 1:44:21Theo Von?

  Oh, dude, John Morgan. But John Morgan lived in St. Francisville, I believe, and he had a little Asian daughter. They adopted a daughter, I believe. And he had this, he would tell some stories about her. He was, uh... He's one of the best storytellers that I've ever heard. He kind of reminded me of that Jerry Clower in some ways, you know, but yeah, there he is right there. John.

• 1:44:41Speaker 02

  Yeah, he's a sweet guy. He stayed in touch with me. Um, yeah, he was darling, raging Cajun, John Morgan. Well, one of my good friends owns, um, I ask you that because one of my friends owns an inn in St. Francisville that is beautiful and I go there sometimes and I just didn't realize how, and I did the shows in Baton Rouge and Treeport and I thought Louisiana is fascinating. People in Louisiana are fun and wild and darling. I had a ball.

• 1:45:12Theo Von?

  Which one of the reasons I think there's not a lot of comedy clubs there because you can have just as good a time talking to somebody, anybody, everybody there is an entertainer, everybody there is a comedian, everybody there they're gonna open their mouth and you're, you're gonna hear something that's gonna make you smile or think or question. They're entertaining. It's an entertaining state, you know, it's one of the most, um, native states where people are born there that never leave. I think like per capita, it's the, it's the number one where people are born that never even leave the state. They're born and then die right there. I think because they just got everything they need over there, you know? So it's a special place. Um, you're a special person, Leanne Morgan. Thank you so much.

• 1:45:52Speaker 02

  Oh, my darling. You don't need me to vacuum or anything. I feel like I need to do something for you for letting me be on here because you're so darling.

• 1:46:03Theo Von?

  You know what you can do for me? Really, honestly? Come back next year, will you?

• 1:46:08Speaker 02

  Oh, my darling. Do you mean it?

• 1:46:10Theo Von?

  Yeah, because I've just had so much fun. This has been a gift of my whole life. It's just like, yeah, the past like week, like I went, I did Joe Rogan's podcast yesterday and it's like, sometimes it's like, you know, it's like, um, I think sometimes I live in a place where it's like, there's so much of me out there, like just online and some of this could be like paranoia or ego stuff. I don't know, but it's still something that I think about sometimes that I just get, I like, I don't know. I've just felt like nervous the past few weeks. So to be able to sit down in a conversation that, um, is easy and it's fun. Um, you know, Joe is like, he knows a lot of information. So it's like you're having to learn a lot and like, sometimes I think I feel like I don't, it's hard for me to like, um, chime in because I don't really know.

• 1:46:53Theo Von?

  About stuff and this is just two people that don't know a lot and we can just, which is what I love.

• 1:47:00Speaker 02

  Oh, you angel. When I watch you, I think, and I'm not blowing smoke up your butthole. I, when I watch you, I think, oh my god.

• 1:47:09Theo Von?

  Also.

• 1:47:10Speaker 02

  I think when I watch you, I think he's got the sweetest spirit. You've got a sweet spirit.

• 1:47:16Theo Von?

  Oh, thank you.

• 1:47:17Speaker 02

  You really do. And I feel like God gave me that discernment. I know he did. And I've always, and I've said to John Christ and to Hugh and people that know you, and they go, he's got the sweetest spirit. They think it too. And, um, and just so bright. You're such a bright light. Uh, when I think of you planking and then talking about those hamster bones.

• 1:47:39Theo Von?

  Oh, yeah.

• 1:47:40Speaker 02

  And we were crying, laughing so hard. There's just nobody like you. And that's, and you know, in this business, I mean, you're just so unique. There's just nobody like you. And I hope you know that, that, and you give so much joy. When I told people I was doing this, they said, please tell him hello from me. My stylist, who's from Australia, who, who dresses Oprah Winfrey. And Maria Shriver said, I love him. She goes, I would marry him. Everybody wants to have a baby with you. I just want you to know that. I would have carried you one for you. I think Chuck would have let me. I was very fertile at one time. I could have done it. I'm very healthy. I'm from farming people. We killed our own beef.

• 1:48:23Theo Von?

  Yeah.

• 1:48:23Speaker 02

  I could have done it and I would have done it because you've got to have some children. You are so beautiful and fun and your teeth are pretty.

• 1:48:32Theo Von?

  Well, thank you. Yeah, I appreciate it. I want to have kids. I want to have a family and stuff. It's just been like, you know, it's tough. It's like you gotta meet the right person, you know? I, I don't know. I met somebody that was kind of neat the other day. And so that was kind of cool because it made me think like, okay, this is still possible, right? Whether or not that ends up, like if there were ever anything there, like, because sometimes you start to be like, you know, you get in this space where just something doesn't kind of click for a long time, you know, like you meet people and you go on dates. I'm like, you have people that you just kind of like are flinging with or philandering with. But when you're like, oh, this is the partner that I want. And I think like, are there something about this person just that? Would keep me interested for a long time, you know, just something about them.

• 1:49:17Theo Von?

  I don't know what it is. Maybe they got, you know, it could be a damn mole or something, or they're missing a fucking vertebra or whatever. One of them bitches is off a little, you know what I'm saying? Like they got a like this.

• 1:49:27Speaker 02

  But you want a girl that wants to have babies.

• 1:49:29Theo Von?

  Yeah, I would like to have a woman that likes to have a that wants to be a good mother. That's super important to me. That's hard working. Um, you know, I'd like to have a one, an attractive woman, but that that's not the most important thing to her, you know, like, you know, you can be attractive, but if that's the most important thing to you, that's, that's okay. But that's not really what I need. I need somebody, you know, like a, just like a teammate. Uh, but here's the thing, it's like, I don't, it's, it's just always hard to figure out. But then once you start trying to figure everything out, that ruins everything. So you know what? God's made it perfect for me that, uh, I got to do all this work, you know, I got to go to and do all these fun things and live out like a lot of my dreams, you know?

• 1:50:10Speaker 02

  I know.

• 1:50:11Theo Von?

  You know, you're living them out.

• 1:50:12Speaker 02

  I know, it's crazy.

• 1:50:14Theo Von?

  You're living them out.

• 1:50:15Speaker 02

  I'm living them out. I could see this. I knew this as a child. Did you know it as a child?

• 1:50:19Theo Von?

  No. I knew something was wrong. I didn't know what it was.

• 1:50:25Speaker 02

  You didn't, because I've heard Steve Mar, uh, Steve Harvey say to his teacher, when she said, what do you want to be when you grow up? He goes, I'm going to be on television at 10. And she said, no, you're not, and made fun of him. All right. And then I heard Eddie Murphy in a, um, interview on today's show, he said, I knew I was going to be famous. I feel like in Adams, Tennessee, at nine or 10 years old, I thought, is something wrong with me? Because that's all I could think about is I wanted to be, um, in movies and in television. And I thought, is something wrong? Because nobody else is talking about this. But I just knew it in my heart. But then I, you know, I went to school and got divorced and blah, and all this crap. And then, um, this happens to me at this time in my life, but I could see it. And I didn't know it was going to be this unbelievable. It's bigger and sweeter than I ever dreamed of.

• 1:51:10Theo Von?

  Yeah.

• 1:51:11Speaker 02

  But I could see, I could see this happening for me. And I just wondered if you felt that way. You didn't know?

• 1:51:17Theo Von?

  I knew, you know, one time I got voted most likely to.

• 1:51:23Theo Von?

  Either be on TV or succeed. You know what? I, I, I loved laughing with my friends. I just loved it. I loved making people laugh. I just loved it. You know what it was? It made me think that I, it gave me some sense of worth, you know? It was like, you know, I don't even know if I wanted to be joking around all the time, but I felt like it was the only way that I knew that I had some kind of a value as a kid. If that's kind of crazy, you know? And not to make like, like a sad thing, but I think it makes sense as a kid. You're like, oh, well, this is, if I do this thing, whatever it is, you know, if it's a trick, if I hide my legs behind my neck, whatever, you know what I'm saying? Or do that, you know, do, you know, some weird shit or something or like tuck my eyelids

• 1:52:05Theo Von?

  and whatever it is, then like people think it's, you know, I didn't do any of those things, but if I say certain stuff, it's entertaining to people, you know? So I was like, well, I gotta just do that, you know? I don't know. Did I ever see it? I don't think so. I didn't go to a comedy club till I was in college. I didn't really know it existed. I'd seen like Chris Rock and I knew he was very, you know, he was just so funny in the way he sounded and just him, you know? But I'd never felt like I was close to that.

• 1:52:35Speaker 02

  I didn't know about comedy club. I watched, I would watch, you know, David Letterman and Jaylen O and all that. But I was more like, I wanted to be like Lucille Ball, Carol Burnett, and I, but I didn't know there was, I, I thought, I didn't know how to get there, but then I came into the Comedy Store. Chuck Morgan took me to the Comedy Store and we were dating. And we came out to LA and I said, I want to go on that hearse. I want to go in there and see where people have been murdered in, in LA.

• 1:53:02Theo Von?

  Oh, it's beautiful.

• 1:53:03Speaker 02

  Oh, it was fun. And then, um, I want to go to the Comedy Store and little Dom Arera was up there.

• 1:53:09Theo Von?

  Oh, yeah.

• 1:53:10Speaker 02

  Um, and I-

• 1:53:11Theo Von?

  One of the greats.

• 1:53:12Speaker 02

  And I, my heart beat out of my body and I thought, okay, that's it. But I can do, I think I can do that. And I want to do that. But I, you know, I didn't know how and all that.

• 1:53:20Theo Von?

  But you just start and then that's the thing. You know what somebody said one day? They said, you kind of start this job and then comedy chooses you. It's like, does your life work out enough for it, right? There's so many great comics that, you know, John Morgan might've had to raise his daughters and stuff like that and your, his family and, you know, he, he, uh- His, he had a beautiful wife. I'm not sure if they still married, but I remember.

• 1:53:42Speaker 02

  They are, and she's like a detective or an investigator or something. Because she was in a documentary about a murder in Louisiana.

• 1:53:50Theo Von?

  God, I love that. And that's every woman's dream. But no, he had a beautiful wife. He just had such a great life that it's like, at a certain point, you're like, well, shit, this life's so great here. That, that, you know, I'm not saying, but that, but, but it's like, um, somebody said, at a certain point, it kind of chooses you. Can you still do this? You know, I didn't like any commitment, so I didn't like, so that was one thing that was perfect for me. It was like, oh, I have a chance to leave. I want to go. If, oh, I can say bye, I want to go. Whatever it is, I have somewhere else I have to be. I don't have to be right here. So it's been good, you know? It's given me so many unique things. I mean, now it's like more, it's fun because you get to have like unique experiences and like, you know, like you go places and they'll let you be on a sideline.

• 1:54:34Theo Von?

  Sometimes it's a, feels a bit extravagant for me. And I wish that some of the things, it was a little more normal. Um, some of the popularity part I do not like about today. Um, a lot of that's from social media and stuff. I'm not saying boo hoo or anything, but some of it's uncomfortable. You know, sometimes you want to just be like in a place where you're sitting there with everybody else, just kind of enjoying the deal, you know?

• 1:54:56Speaker 02

  Mm-hmm. That's the first time I went on the field was at, at UT and, um.

• 1:55:02Theo Von?

  You did great when you came out there and waved. I was like, she's a pro.

• 1:55:05Speaker 02

  Thank you. I was very nervous and I, and that didn't feel real to me, like I deserved to be. I don't know. I just thought, what in the world? What, what are they doing? I love my school. I don't want anybody to know my GPA. I mean, I barely got out of there and they're so good to me. They're so good to me because I'm the only comedian that came out of there. And I guess, but, um, but that made me feel special, but I thought, what am I even, what am I doing? But it was wonderful and Chuck Morgan enjoyed it and all that.

• 1:55:33Theo Von?

  I'm glad he did. Well, you, and you know what? And you're inspiring young women to do comedy and inspiring young Southern women. We need that. We need like the South to stay alive through storytelling, you know? It's like, we need that. I would love to eventually get back to just telling stories from home, like just stories from. Growing up and locking it down more and really getting in and like writing some tales from growing up and, and uh, I hope that that's something that's part of my future.

• 1:56:02Speaker 02

  You tell the best stories from growing up.

• 1:56:04Theo Von?

  Well, I love them and it's something, you know, it's like, but it's like, yeah, it's just important and it's so good that you're doing it. And you know, one thing I forgot about my wife, I want a funny gal. Some of the funniest girls I think are from Philadelphia and New Jersey. I'll say that flat out.

• 1:56:16Speaker 02

  They are funny.

• 1:56:17Theo Von?

  They are funny and uh.

• 1:56:18Speaker 02

  Oh, Laura Pike, I mean, she's from Tennessee.

• 1:56:21Theo Von?

  She's great. She's married.

• 1:56:22Speaker 02

  And I know she opened for me a lot and she would tell me that she'd be out on the road with you. She loved being out there with you.

• 1:56:28Theo Von?

  We had so much fun.

• 1:56:29Speaker 02

  She's very funny.

• 1:56:30Theo Von?

  She's the best. When you have a show in town, you're gonna have to invite me. I'm gonna um, I think we're gonna finish up the end and here's why. Because I'd rather you come back sometime and we get to do it again.

• 1:56:39Speaker 02

  Oh, my angel. Honey, I'll make you a casserole.

• 1:56:42Theo Von?

  Yeah, you promised Morgan one. Look, you make me one, I'll give it to Morgan. I'm gonna see him tomorrow at Bible study, actually, so.

• 1:56:48Speaker 02

  You will see him at Bible. I think he's gonna end up preaching. That little thing.

• 1:56:53Theo Von?

  You know, I don't, I have no idea. I just know, uh, yeah, I don't know. He's an inspiring guy. He's, he's just, he's an inter- Morgan is, there's, he is him, you know? He is him.

• 1:57:07Speaker 02

  Authentic.

• 1:57:08Theo Von?

  He is.

• 1:57:09Speaker 02

  But you're authentic too, my darling. And y'all are in a Bible study. Is it a Beth Moore? What are y'all studying?

• 1:57:15Theo Von?

  I mean, it's uh, I mean tomorrow, I think we're watching a movie, but it is uh, it is Bible study, uh.

• 1:57:22Speaker 02

  That's so sweet, Theoban.

• 1:57:24Theo Von?

  I'm not sure what chapter we're on. I shouldn't even have said that because.

• 1:57:26Speaker 02

  I'm not in one right now. I used to be in one when I was growing, um, raising my children, but I don't, I'm not in one. And I need to be disciplined to do it on my own.

• 1:57:34Theo Von?

  Well, that's when you need the Lord the most, when you're raising those little hench women, um, and men. Um, but no, I'll tell him you said hey, and that was fun. Even just to get to see you guys next to each other when I saw y'all at the game and talking to each other, like little moments like that, like bring me so much joy when there's like two people that you think are like, oh, these people are so interesting and they get to meet each other or talk, or get to spend time around each other, you know? Watching stuff like that is fun. Um, all right, uh, Leanne Morgan, Unspeakable Things.

• 1:58:01Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:58:02Theo Von?

  It's out now. Your second special. It's on Netflix. You guys can go and watch it. And you're gonna be touring again at some point. No, you're gonna do the second season of your show.

• 1:58:09Speaker 02

  I'll do the second and we'll wrap, I think, in April and I'll start touring again.

• 1:58:13Theo Von?

  Okay.

• 1:58:13Speaker 02

  If I can come up with another hour, honey, I'm working on that.

• 1:58:18Theo Von?

  You'll be fine.

• 1:58:19Speaker 02

  Well, I.

• 1:58:20Theo Von?

  I think just have Chuck Morgan tell you the truth about yourself.

• 1:58:22Speaker 02

  I know. Yeah.

• 1:58:24Theo Von?

  It'll hurt, but.

• 1:58:25Speaker 02

  Critiquing, yeah, critiquing what I eat and if I'm eating too much fat. Lord. He does give me a lot of material, he does.

• 1:58:33Theo Von?

  He does. See, that's a blessing. Yeah. I think, yeah, you got somebody.

• 1:58:37Speaker 02

  And when you marry and have babies, that's a whole nother, you're gonna have to work for another thirty years, honey, because you're gonna be so prolific over all that.

• 1:58:45Theo Von?

  Really?

• 1:58:45Speaker 02

  Oh, yeah. I think that was my best.

• 1:58:49Theo Von?

  I'm ready for some of that. I gotta pray. I gotta spend more time in prayer, I think, you know? But it's okay. Everything's fine.

• 1:58:55Speaker 02

  Everything is wonderful. Look at your skin tone.

• 1:58:59Theo Von?

  Thank you. I just, my hair is.

• 1:59:01Speaker 02

  And you got that full head of hair. You didn't have to go over to Turkey.

• 1:59:03Theo Von?

  It's so flarkish time of year. You know, I don't know what that is. I'm gonna have to call Hugh Howser.

• 1:59:07Speaker 02

  Yeah, he will know.

• 1:59:09Theo Von?

  Give me something.

• 1:59:09Speaker 02

  Because he'll say to me, would it kill you to tease your hairline?

• 1:59:12Theo Von?

  Yeah.

• 1:59:13Speaker 02

  Let me get back there.

• 1:59:14Theo Von?

  See if he'll put a little conditioner in it or something. Yeah.

• 1:59:17Speaker 02

  A root lift.

• 1:59:18Theo Von?

  Yeah, maybe he'll just help me get a root lift. I, uh.

• 1:59:21Speaker 02

  Thank you for having me, you sweet angel from heaven.

• 1:59:24Theo Von?

  Oh, my God, you're the best. Leanne Morgan, thank you so much. The pride of Tennessee, here she is, and grateful to spend time with you today. Go Vols.

• 1:59:34Speaker 02

  Go Vols, my darling.