Ep 598 - Night Shadow (feat. Dan Soder, Chris O'Connor, Billy)

Support the D. A. W. G. Z. @ patreon.com/MSsecretpod Support Bill and Spud @ https://www.patreon.com/WARMODE Support Chris and Tom @ https://www.patreon.com/stuffisland Listen to 'Soder' and 'the Regz' & See Dan Live @ https://www.dansoder.com/ Go See Matt Live @ mattmccusker.com/dates Go See Shane Live @ shanemgillis.com Go See Lemaire Lee Live @ https://lemairelee.fun/ Go See Shawn Gardini Live if you want @ https://www.shawngardini.com/live Heyyyyy. Shang's back with a cast from Philly HQ. We got Bill, Spunge, and the GOAT Danny Sodiessssss. Hot cast - basement chillen in the chess corner. nbd nbd. Not much else to say. Please enjoy. God Bless. Visit https://prizepicks.onelink.me/DRENCHED and use code DRENCHED and get $50 in lineups when you play your first $5 lineup! ps. we may or may not have an extra paytch treat for you this week :) Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Speaker names marked ? are inferred from speaking time and the show’s known hosts — they are not voice-verified.

• 0:00Speaker 00

  The Wow Wow West.

• 0:02Speaker 01

  Ew dude.

• 0:05Speaker 01

  Ew, what is that? Ew dude.

• 0:09Speaker 02

  Oh, that is Reggie's.

• 0:10Speaker 03

  The farmer John from the Wow Wow rap, baby.

• 0:14Speaker 02

  Did you spit that onto your phone?

• 0:16Speaker 03

  No, no, no. I was eating earlier and I had it like this. I maybe a little ranch dipped on that. Is what it is. A little patina didn't hurt anyone.

• 0:25Speaker 01

  You got some ranch on your phone? Dude, it smells, dog.

• 0:29Speaker 02

  It's probably ranch. Did you ever spit up that stuff that was like made of tartar as a kid?

• 0:35Speaker 01

  No.

• 0:36Speaker 02

  You ever spit up like a ball of just?

• 0:38Speaker 01

  Oh, like phlegm or what?

• 0:40Speaker 02

  No, it was like, I think it was like a thing that my buddy had it real bad. He had to have like surgery. It was like something wrong with his tonsils or something, but like, I think there's a period during your adolescence where you can cough up. It's just like a solid hollis of tartar.

• 0:55Speaker 02

  It's like a pocket in the back of your throat. Yeah, I guess it's a tonsil stone. Yeah.

• 0:59Speaker 01

  Like a gumball machine?

• 1:00Speaker 03

  They smell like fucking assholes.

• 1:03Speaker 01

  Do they really?

• 1:03Speaker 03

  Oh.

• 1:04Speaker 01

  What is it? It's just fucking gunk?

• 1:06Speaker 03

  In your tonsils, they like, it's little like deposits of shit. I don't know.

• 1:10Speaker 01

  Damn. It's just like, did you do that? Is that what's happening?

• 1:13Speaker 02

  It only happened like once, but my buddy had it so bad. He had to get like surgery.

• 1:16Speaker 01

  You smelled it? I did smell that?

• 1:17Speaker 02

  Yeah, when it came up, I like, I was like.

• 1:19Speaker 01

  Did he one? Did he one time it?

• 1:23Speaker 03

  Turned him off.

• 1:26Speaker 01

  Tag and throw.

• 1:28Speaker 02

  It's like an alien egg, dude. Cause I smelled it. It didn't smell like anything and I broke it and it was like, oh my god.

• 1:35Speaker 01

  You were a curious man.

• 1:37Speaker 03

  I mean, dude, if you're not one of those.

• 1:39Speaker 01

  He tried to, he did gender altering. He gender altered. He tried to poke his nipples when they were getting puffy as a boy.

• 1:44Speaker 03

  I know a kid who did that, but his dad had him on HGH and his nipples started lactating. And then he put a fucking pin in it and squeezed it.

• 1:51Speaker 01

  Can I tell you as a puff nipple guy? That's crazy.

• 1:55Speaker 03

  Forever?

• 1:55Speaker 01

  Listen, I've been a puffy nipple since I was a boy, but here's, here's what you do at the public pool. You do a side tickle, get them things down.

• 2:03Speaker 03

  Oh, really?

• 2:04Speaker 01

  And you look great.

• 2:05Speaker 03

  This gets your nipples down?

• 2:06Speaker 01

  You just go like you tickle around it and you get like, you get like, yeah, hard nipples.

• 2:10Speaker 03

  You get nipples hard before you get in the pool.

• 2:11Speaker 01

  Yeah, why not? I'm not walking around with puffy nipples. Puffy nipples makes me look crazy. Always, dog. Not like crazy puff, just like a little puff, just like pillows.

• 2:21Speaker 03

  And you never thought about getting rid of them?

• 2:23Speaker 01

  Now, what am I, the rock? You know The Rock had nipple surgery?

• 2:26Speaker 03

  Really?

• 2:27Speaker 01

  Yeah, when he was like Rocky Maivia and he came in, he had like big puffy nipples and then you see him a couple of years later and it like looks like-

• 2:33Speaker 03

  Yeah, you gotta do that. Yeah, if you're a pro wrestler, you can't have- Was it, was it that- It's a fucking disaster.

• 2:38Speaker 01

  That's crazy. That's like elbow pads on your tits.

• 2:40Speaker 03

  Yeah, you're just definitely a heel. There's nothing you can do.

• 2:43Speaker 01

  You have to have straps. That's straps if you're a pro wrestler.

• 2:47Speaker 03

  You in the Vader suit? Sometimes you gotta get a surgery because you're like, if you take steroids, you get like gyno and like you get like fluid built up in your nipples. Wouldn't know like I'm natural, but- You are like time natural. Matt's juice to the- I saw a picture of him the other day, dude. He's like actually like fucking big. Looks like Jaco Willink.

• 3:09Speaker 03

  Dude, I saw a picture of him in the back.

• 3:11Speaker 01

  Can't make my birthday party? Good. Don't wanna make me a call on my 40th? Good.

• 3:19Speaker 03

  Yeah, yeah, Matt's juice to the girls. We pray for him. We pray.

• 3:23Speaker 01

  Dude, I hope, I hope he just sticks over Austin when you're gone.

• 3:26Speaker 03

  I mean-

• 3:26Speaker 01

  Do you come back and there's gates built?

• 3:28Speaker 03

  He's fully, yeah, that's the Austin lifestyle. He's juice, dude. Biohacking?

• 3:33Speaker 01

  Yeah, you gotta go down there, get, get Giant with Hot Dog Mick.

• 3:38Speaker 03

  Yeah, that's good stuff. Well, I'm glad you're here, dude. I wanna settle this Austin, New York beef once and-

• 3:43Speaker 01

  It's the case, dude. I hate it. Did it, it's like, it is like a old person with dementia. You go, binge clip.

• 3:59Speaker 03

  Deadliest game. Yeah.

• 4:01Speaker 01

  Yeah, the La Mer thing was like, I didn't even know. I got told like Bush got told the towers got hit.

• 4:06Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 4:07Speaker 01

  I sat down for the regs and they whispered into my ear and I was like-

• 4:09Speaker 03

  He said La Mer got attacked, bro. La Mer got crushed. We put his tweet at the end of our intro this week. Did you, did you see it? Yeah, listen. No, so did you. Oh my god. La Mer, La Mer's got- It is my favorite tweet. MSNBC brain. I mean, I don't know. It's, it's wonderful.

• 4:26Speaker 01

  MSNBC brain is crazy because now that means you also have stuck through the shifting, through the, through the, the trans surgery that the network went through where it's like, that's my dead name. My new network name is SA.

• 4:39Speaker 03

  Yeah, he's all about that shit.

• 4:40Speaker 01

  Really?

• 4:41Speaker 03

  And he, I swear to God, if it's on The View, he agrees. He could be the sixth chair on.

• 4:46Speaker 01

  Just to let you know where La Mer's brain is, my grandmother. His greatest defender. My great, yeah, he's the guardian. He's the guardian of the mantle. He's a chimera. He, um, my grandmother, before she died, I want to say like 93 to 97, would just, we should wake up and just Blair the View at like 73 volume. So when I'd be at her.

• 5:06Speaker 03

  That's what's happening in my house right now.

• 5:08Speaker 01

  I would just wake up and hear like Joy Behar being like, I'm sorry. He's not okay. And you're like, like waking up at Grandma's guest bedroom, like, what the fuck is that? Let me see. That's me.

• 5:20Speaker 03

  Here, I'll tell it to you. Alex Jones might be the biggest victim of this Epstein shit. Because like he tried and then he fell for the Hillary shit. And then he kept falling into Epstein traps. Joe Rogan too.

• 5:32Speaker 01

  Yeah, fully concise thought.

• 5:35Speaker 03

  It makes, I can't even, I can't even decipher what that means. I love. I think. What do you think it means?

• 5:39Speaker 01

  I think it's one of those things where you're going to look at it backwards and see the pattern.

• 5:43Speaker 03

  He's speaking to us strictly in code. Like listening to Led Zeppelin backwards.

• 5:46Speaker 01

  See, it was Dershowitz the whole time.

• 5:49Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 5:49Speaker 01

  She was telling.

• 5:50Speaker 03

  It's high level. The only time I talked to La Manaus is. Maddow undercover in a suit. Just my, uh.

• 5:54Speaker 01

  My hair is a character.

• 5:56Speaker 03

  My ring camera, on my ring camera, I see him pick up his grub hub. So I get to, anytime the thing, I get to talk to him, I go, put the fucking Twitter down, bro. Delete your Twitter. And he's like, okay, I will.

• 6:09Speaker 01

  So funny.

• 6:10Speaker 03

  I got some good photos of him scratching.

• 6:12Speaker 01

  You have a Nat Geo camera of La Mer.

• 6:17Speaker 03

  It is, dude. It's like those live cameras of Falcons on skyscrapers.

• 6:21Speaker 03

  You go, ooh, he's eating again. Yeah, that's him. That's him picking up the pizza.

• 6:26Speaker 01

  You gotta say that? That's so fucking funny.

• 6:30Speaker 03

  You should put it on the like fa- local Facebook group. Like, has anyone seen this man at the front? Oh, God. I film him collecting, you know, collecting his pizza. Please turn him into Austin Sasquatch. Oh, no. Oh, that's so. You gotta make a highlight video. Cheers to you. I love you, man. You gotta call him to wake him up too. He'll order, he'll, he'll order a grub oven, fall asleep. Yes. And I'll just keep checking the rain camera and be like, dude, your food's still outside. It's been outside for two hours. He's like, oh, I fell asleep.

• 6:58Speaker 03

  You gotta do a highlight video to I'm a Boss by Rick Ross, him picking up all the grub oven.

• 7:05Speaker 03

  Yeah, that's, uh, that's what he's up to. Excuse me? What? Why'd you touch my neck, bro? Companionship. Okay. Nothing more.

• 7:12Matt McCusker?

  This episode is brought to you by AG1. Dude, real quick, gotta tell you guys about this.

• 7:17Speaker 03

  Oh, I like this.

• 7:17Matt McCusker?

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• 8:02Matt McCusker?

  including omega-3 fish oil and vitamin D3 plus K2 with your first subscription to AG1 Next Gen or AG1 Pro. That's drinkag1.com/secretpod.

• 8:12Speaker 02

  I did that the other night. I ordered McDonald's for the first time in a long time.

• 8:16Speaker 03

  Which night? Arch has called your name?

• 8:18Speaker 02

  I think it was Friday, could have been Saturday.

• 8:21Speaker 03

  Was I with you? Cause you've been putting together some performers. Really? The economy?

• 8:27Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah.

• 8:28Speaker 03

  Well, I will say the whole crew, cause we gotta work Monday through Friday. So then Friday rolls around, you go, oh, we're gonna.

• 8:37Speaker 03

  The squad's not used to not be able to drink during the week. Like, do you know what? You guys have.

• 8:41Speaker 02

  You pulled a dastardly trick on Saturday where I, you were like, what are you doing? And I was like, I'm gonna go across the street and watch the Flyers game. And you were like, you gave me every indication you'd show up and then I just started throwing them back. I was sitting alone in.

• 8:55Speaker 03

  I showed up to the bar like.

• 8:57Speaker 02

  Nine.

• 8:58Speaker 03

  Nine, 10pm, he was already back in bed. He went back to sleep.

• 9:03Speaker 01

  You ripped.

• 9:06Speaker 03

  Fucking ripped by himself at a dive bar.

• 9:08Speaker 01

  I didn't blame you.

• 9:09Speaker 03

  He was like, where were you? I didn't told you I was calling.

• 9:13Speaker 02

  I sat down, started drinking, why didn't you, why were you there?

• 9:15Speaker 03

  It would have been nice. I feel like I had something to do.

• 9:17Speaker 02

  I don't think so.

• 9:18Speaker 03

  I couldn't have gotten day drunk.

• 9:21Speaker 02

  No, you were thinking about going to the Sixers.

• 9:22Speaker 03

  Oh, yeah. They had a little doubleheader at Wells Fargo. It would have been nice.

• 9:26Speaker 02

  It would have been nice.

• 9:27Speaker 03

  But you shit your pants. We can't go, we can't go to day Flyers game.

• 9:33Speaker 02

  Yeah, we can.

• 9:33Speaker 03

  That was another disaster.

• 9:34Speaker 02

  No, that was fun.

• 9:35Speaker 03

  I took him, DeRosa and Beazer to a Flyers game.

• 9:37Speaker 01

  It's a crew.

• 9:38Speaker 03

  It is a rough crew.

• 9:39Speaker 01

  That's crazy. That's like a bank heist crew.

• 9:41Speaker 03

  It's a terrible crew.

• 9:42Speaker 01

  That's a, that's just all, um, the bad guy from Heat. It's just a whole crew of lingo's. The whole crew is lingo. You guys are all fucking bad.

• 9:53Speaker 03

  Well.

• 9:54Speaker 02

  DeRosa was the, he was the, the key to the fall.

• 9:58Speaker 03

  He had it.

• 9:59Speaker 01

  How'd you fall?

• 10:00Speaker 02

  Nah, I'd fall down.

• 10:01Speaker 03

  So I swear.

• 10:02Speaker 02

  He's always doing shots. He's always suggesting.

• 10:05Speaker 03

  I wasn't drinking at the game, really. I might have had three beers.

• 10:08Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 10:08Speaker 03

  So then we go to a bar after, I'm talking to Chris, I turn my head for 15 minutes. I look back, he's like asleep. I was like, what the fuck happened to you? He's like, DeRosa.

• 10:20Speaker 02

  How is he asleep?

• 10:21Speaker 03

  And I looked to my right and DeRosa's over.

• 10:22Speaker 02

  Just a head, head in the hands.

• 10:24Speaker 03

  Yo, man.

• 10:24Speaker 02

  Head in the hands, yeah.

• 10:26Speaker 01

  Do you do the, do you do the heads up, seven up sleep on the bar?

• 10:29Speaker 02

  Probably do.

• 10:30Speaker 01

  Oh, you do little kid pictures?

• 10:31Speaker 03

  Yes.

• 10:33Speaker 01

  Such an adorable.

• 10:34Speaker 03

  He's like a sleeping dog. He like.

• 10:37Speaker 01

  That's funny. You're watching, his eyes closed.

• 10:42Speaker 01

  Dude, taking a little day siesta from Boozer.

• 10:45Speaker 03

  At a bar.

• 10:46Speaker 01

  That's crazy.

• 10:47Speaker 02

  Well, we went hard, we went hard the night before.

• 10:50Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 10:51Speaker 02

  And then I made it through the, I made it through the game and into the night.

• 10:55Speaker 03

  Game, you were great.

• 10:56Speaker 02

  And people were taking performance enhancers.

• 10:58Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 10:58Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 10:59Speaker 03

  Adderall.

• 11:00Speaker 02

  I refuse, yeah. I refuse the performance enhancers.

• 11:03Speaker 01

  Great dude, Adderall hitting the drinking scene was like steroids in baseball in the late 90s. You were like, motherfuckers were hitting bingers in ways that you were like.

• 11:12Speaker 03

  He's probably responsible for like 75% of the DUIs in the. Yeah.

• 11:15Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 11:16Speaker 03

  I'm absolutely fine, guy.

• 11:17Speaker 01

  You find that data, you'll see a spike.

• 11:21Speaker 02

  You're fucking 100% there mentally like, I'll drive right now.

• 11:25Speaker 03

  Yeah, you're totally fine. He's witnessed, he's witnessed me in my strongest.

• 11:28Speaker 02

  Let's get out.

• 11:29Speaker 03

  Uh, my body shuts down and I'm like, dude, I'm ready to go if you are. Like, I can't walk. Or fuck, we gotta stay here.

• 11:36Speaker 01

  One of the most embarrassing drunks I've ever been was I did an all nighter in Vegas when I was like in my twenties and my friend and I were gambling late and I was so drunk. I dropped a chip. It was a hundred dollar chip and the, and the guy was like, Jesus Christ. And I was like, I can't find it. He was just like, well, I, he goes like, I was looking for it. I just remember he would go like this, well, I can't help you look for it. And I was going, it's a hundred dollar chip and I, and I want, I needed to write something down and I couldn't write. And I was like, this is fucking. I found the chip.

• 12:05Speaker 02

  Leans, leans get dangerous at that hour.

• 12:08Speaker 03

  Dude, the lean over.

• 12:09Speaker 02

  Cause your, your, your vector or whatever is much smaller.

• 12:13Speaker 03

  Go right off a stool.

• 12:15Speaker 01

  And I'm not joking. I want to put your time at around 6:30 in the morning in Vegas.

• 12:19Speaker 03

  That's terrible.

• 12:20Speaker 01

  It's a terrible way to go.

• 12:22Speaker 02

  Yeah. That's like the all pro kick.

• 12:25Speaker 03

  What?

• 12:26Speaker 02

  And madam was.

• 12:29Speaker 01

  You're like, this could go good. Probably not. When you're falling into the moment of acceptance, there is like a little like.

• 12:36Speaker 03

  Much time, dude.

• 12:37Speaker 01

  You go.

• 12:37Speaker 03

  When you're drunk fall, there's so much time to be like, no way I'm falling.

• 12:43Speaker 03

  And it fucking kills.

• 12:45Speaker 01

  Back in the day, Artie Fuqua would just have women with him at the cellar. So you'd like finish a show at the cellar and Artie'd be like, oh, you don't know my homegirl? And it'd be like, two Swiss women that you'd be like, hey, nice to meet you. I was blackout and Artie was like, hi, my Australian friends. And they're like, we got into all Italian drinking. You wanna go? And I go, it was blackout. And I was on the patio smoking a cigarette and I came in and didn't see a table and took a shot block on my, on my right leg. Where I fucking, dude, I still remember how long that fall was. Cause I was like, whoa. And just ate shit but got up quick. It was like, it was the thing where you check your shin later and you go, oh. It's just fucking busted.

• 13:30Speaker 01

  But dude, I remember that just bought and they're like, are you all right? And they're like, I'm right.

• 13:34Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 13:34Speaker 01

  What? What did you not see?

• 13:36Speaker 03

  Yeah. Being in Westchester in the snow. Recovery? Did you see the recovery? It's bringing it back for me big time. I used to bite it.

• 13:43Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 13:43Speaker 03

  Every, every, yeah, I'll be here in college. There's, no, but there's snow and ice. There's, everything's a brick sidewalk here, so it'd be frozen. I'd just be like, we'll try to leave a bar. I'd fall like 10 times.

• 13:56Speaker 03

  Just into snow banks, like.

• 14:00Speaker 03

  It's tough to get out of it. It's like a beanbag chair.

• 14:02Speaker 01

  You're getting up hammered in a slippery substance.

• 14:06Speaker 03

  Who's the original Bruski tumble?

• 14:08Speaker 02

  Backs the house covered in snow.

• 14:10Speaker 03

  Spade took the Bruski. Spade was the original Bruski tumble, yeah. Spade, it like blew his fucking eyebrows up or some shit, falling up.

• 14:17Speaker 01

  Dude, when blood's involved, it's so, it makes it funnier.

• 14:21Speaker 03

  Yep. Oh, my pop up used to do it like every like three months. My pop was taking Bruski. Dude, he's a beat, like he would just watch the Phillies. We'd go over there Sunday and then like every like five to six months, the ambulance would come because he'd be out back and he'd just fucking eat shit. And he was like 72, so he would just like be bleeding out of his, I'm okay. I'm okay. And they just bring him to the hospital and bring him back. He's scared, yeah. I forgot Phil took a Bruski tumble recently. He gets fucked up on the.

• 14:48Speaker 02

  He fell long as shit, dude.

• 14:50Speaker 03

  He fell on the deck, so it was loud as hell. Oh, my God. Everyone in the house heard it. He came out and he was laying on the ground laughing. They're like, get up.

• 14:58Speaker 01

  Yeah. It, it is like, uh, my grandma was in like, we started falling in her eighties. They are, they're less worried about it than you are. My grandma, my grandma called me one time, was just like, yeah, I fell in the garage. She lived by herself. I was like, how long were you down there for? And she was like, it's like 20 minutes. And you're like, we're just on the garage. He's just like.

• 15:19Speaker 01

  She's on the garage floor and then she's like, all right. Just getting up.

• 15:23Speaker 03

  Not today. Yeah.

• 15:24Speaker 02

  Every trip to the basement's 127 hours.

• 15:27Speaker 01

  Yeah. This is lose their life.

• 15:30Speaker 02

  I'm ready to cut it off. I'll cut it the fuck off.

• 15:35Speaker 03

  Man.

• 15:36Speaker 01

  That's, yeah, you're lucky if you get old and fall like that. That means that's a good life.

• 15:40Speaker 03

  That must be crazy. Constantly taking basically the equivalent of drunk falls. Just, now, say you're 80, you go, this is gonna be tough getting out of this chair.

• 15:48Speaker 01

  Oh, dude.

• 15:49Speaker 03

  I'm gonna fall and die. You just shatter my arm and.

• 15:52Speaker 01

  You just think back to every Christmas on the whole fall.

• 15:56Speaker 01

  You're like, oh, I wanted ninety six was real good. She just fucking heading for the ground.

• 16:02Speaker 03

  I talked about before, my grandma was falling a lot before she died. One of them, she went to turn the faucet on behind her house. She fell behind a bush and got stuck behind her house for like, she had to wait till the neighbors kids came up from school was laying on the, on to the bush like.

• 16:19Speaker 03

  I was like, they probably thought I was a witch. They're probably like, it's so scary.

• 16:23Speaker 01

  Hello.

• 16:24Speaker 03

  That bush is. And then you see an old woman's face like. So scary, dude. Probably sprinted inside.

• 16:33Matt McCusker?

  Help me.

• 16:35Speaker 00

  Dude.

• 16:35Matt McCusker?

  Turning off a drippy hose. Scary as little kid.

• 16:39Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 16:40Matt McCusker?

  Yeah.

• 16:40Speaker 03

  You never know which way to turn it. Turn it on full blast.

• 16:43Matt McCusker?

  When the mud, when the mud, the mud's all wet.

• 16:46Speaker 03

  Yeah. We had that going on here.

• 16:48Matt McCusker?

  Jumping through the sprinkler.

• 16:49Speaker 03

  It's been going on at my house.

• 16:50Matt McCusker?

  Really?

• 16:51Speaker 03

  Yeah, the water kept shutting off. Cause of the day, it was like suspected leak. Yeah, sensor. So it just keeps shutting the water off.

• 16:58Speaker 01

  Oh, so they don't blow the pipes?

• 17:00Speaker 03

  Our hose was on. For like four days.

• 17:03Speaker 01

  Damn, you just had a swampy ass backyard?

• 17:05Speaker 03

  No, it's frozen. It was just a sheet of ice.

• 17:07Speaker 01

  This kid fucking skinny on the back.

• 17:11Speaker 03

  So I got that going on.

• 17:12Matt McCusker?

  Now you know.

• 17:13Speaker 03

  Now you know, that's something, you know, I've never been in a house where the water shuts off like that.

• 17:17Matt McCusker?

  Will it kick on if you take a long shower?

• 17:19Speaker 03

  No, you gotta, I bet it actually would.

• 17:22Matt McCusker?

  You'd have to take like a fucking.

• 17:23Speaker 03

  Three hours.

• 17:24Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, bro. Same guy.

• 17:25Speaker 03

  That's the same.

• 17:27Matt McCusker?

  I just want to reach for you down that.

• 17:30Matt McCusker?

  Relax, right?

• 17:33Matt McCusker?

  That happened this weekend?

• 17:37Matt McCusker?

  This episode is brought to you by PrizePix. Shoot your shot on PrizePix and get fifty dollars instantly in lineups when you play your first five dollars. That's right. PrizePix is giving you fifty dollars in lineups when you sign up and play your first five dollars. PrizePix makes every dunk, every dime and every board that much more exciting. So don't miss a chance to get started on America's number one app for sports picks. How did you feel about the Super Bowl game?

• 18:03Speaker 00

  Kind of boring and every, every decision I made, I was wrong. I was, I was going for like high numbers, you know, a lot of touchdowns, stuff like that. I was real wrong on my choices, but I feel like I'm gonna be, what about you? What'd you think about it?

• 18:16Matt McCusker?

  I don't know. I mean, I, I didn't, I barely watched it. It was, I was in and out, kind of like messing with the kids and stuff. I did one of those like. Block pool things and all the numbers. You didn't even know what they were.

• 18:27Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 18:27Matt McCusker?

  It was all like random and I didn't do well on that.

• 18:30Speaker 00

  Double, double loss.

• 18:31Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, it was a double loss for sure. Discuss what sports you're excited about now the NFL is over.

• 18:37Speaker 00

  Um, I mean, I'm hype on, I'm hype on basketball. I've been hype on basketball. I was trying to get into hockey this year. That was the Flyers were looking really good to start the season. They stink now. So, so kind of a bummer.

• 18:49Matt McCusker?

  How about the hockey, the Winter Olympics? That'll be fun.

• 18:51Speaker 00

  That'll be, that'll be.

• 18:51Matt McCusker?

  US versus Canada. Awesome.

• 18:54Speaker 00

  Hopefully we got them this time.

• 18:55Matt McCusker?

  Yeah. Well, I'll tell you something. The reason I choose PrizePix is PrizePix is simple to play. Just pick more or less on two to six player stat projections. If you get your picks right, you could cash in. Pick from all your favorite sports. Anything from basketball, baseball, hockey, UFC, soccer, college basketball, tennis, golf, esports and more. Join millions of users and sign up for America's number one sports picks app. Download the PrizePix app today and use code DRENCH to get $50 in lineups after you play your first $5 lineup. That's code DRENCH to get $50 in lineups after you play your first $5 lineup. PrizePix. It's good to be right.

• 19:34Speaker 03

  Yeah. So that's, that's basically what's been going on with me. I know I haven't done the podcast in two months. That's the update.

• 19:40Speaker 00

  That's what's going on.

• 19:41Speaker 03

  Backyards flooded like a sunbath.

• 19:43Speaker 00

  Matt's carrying the load right now.

• 19:46Speaker 03

  Yo, Matt's got it all. That's why he's juiced up. He's gotta carry it.

• 19:49Speaker 00

  Yeah. I mean, you should.

• 19:50Speaker 03

  Somebody's gotta carry the boat. For what?

• 19:52Matt McCusker?

  You guys had Peter Day on.

• 19:53Speaker 03

  He's like, I wasn't there. That was Matt's, that's Matt's boy, dude. That's Matt's boy.

• 19:58Speaker 00

  That's crazy.

• 19:59Speaker 03

  Yeah. We had one of the major Epstein bros on.

• 20:01Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 20:02Speaker 03

  I don't know anything about it. Peter Day. He's like a dude who tries to do $250,000 to live forever. And he was like, I, I don't really know much about Epstein. Like I talked to him a few times and like there was just all these correspondence and allegedly like his kid was dying. And his memoir talks about it. And then he was actually just in New York and he's like, yeah, I'll go, I'll come chill. And in his book, he's like, dude, I was just, I was. Drowning in work. But he's just, he said he was enamored by famous people and he really didn't mean it. He does know about any of the pedophilia stuff, so.

• 20:32Speaker 01

  That getting caught, like your email?

• 20:35Speaker 03

  Oh.

• 20:35Speaker 01

  Getting leaked and you go like.

• 20:36Speaker 03

  Text messages got leaked, uh, fuck. Somebody was telling me they were gonna add the future of who share, what you share on Instagram. Had to explain how it's a joke. Like to each other?

• 20:47Speaker 01

  No.

• 20:48Speaker 03

  Yeah, somebody mentioned that to me. I hope that's not true.

• 20:50Speaker 01

  That's the destruction of society.

• 20:52Speaker 03

  At Instagram reel, it'll say who shared it.

• 20:55Speaker 01

  No, don't do that.

• 20:56Speaker 03

  Which if that happens, we're in trouble.

• 20:58Speaker 01

  Don't do that.

• 20:58Speaker 03

  What do you mean?

• 20:59Speaker 01

  Like, you know how they do who liked it or who follows you?

• 21:02Speaker 03

  Have to say who shared this. Maybe the, the person, but is that? No, no. No, not yet. Don't worry. I'm with you. I had the same.

• 21:09Speaker 01

  I'm telling you right now, that's the only thing that might get.

• 21:12Speaker 03

  Dude kissing is a joke. No one can see that. Dude kissing is a joke. Dude's kissing is a funny. I think. Seems to me an aggressive. I think I say he asked one to all you guys.

• 21:21Speaker 01

  Is there, yeah, the juicy booty one?

• 21:22Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 21:23Speaker 01

  That's what I sent back to you is the.

• 21:24Speaker 03

  Why are you gay?

• 21:27Speaker 03

  No, I'm not worried about the gay stuff.

• 21:28Speaker 01

  Yeah, dude, but that would, that might be the only thing that would.

• 21:31Speaker 03

  Wild Sutterbird clip. What, emails?

• 21:34Speaker 01

  No, if they fucking start showing you who share shit, leave that between us.

• 21:39Speaker 03

  Let us have fun.

• 21:40Speaker 01

  Let us have fun.

• 21:41Speaker 03

  I thought you said if he got on the Epstein file.

• 21:43Speaker 01

  No, that shit won't get you.

• 21:44Speaker 03

  If it lies at all, just be like one, zero, zero, zero, one, one, one, one, zero, zero, zero. You're out, zero, zero, zero.

• 21:52Speaker 03

  Dude, how you feel? You boys on the hill? You boy Trump, you boy. Trump boys. Uh, all, uh, you know, what are you gonna do?

• 22:03Speaker 03

  Could've, could've called that one, but you know. Uh, we don't have to. I had. We don't want politics. They, they say that, but at the same time, it's like, there's other people that are like way worse. Guys are trying to make America great again. Then that'd happen. The fuck? There's. Sometimes you get a speed bump.

• 22:17Speaker 03

  I hear you. Tiny speed bumps. People have been like messaging that. I was like, dude, I fell for QAnon. Like, what did you expect? Obviously this shit's going to happen and it's going to get me every time. Bannon's a nasty little fucker. Yeah. Bannon's on there. He's like bullies with Epstein. Yeah.

• 22:33Speaker 01

  Oh, they like cultivated the culture war. They like created it. You read it and you go, I knew it.

• 22:39Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 22:39Speaker 01

  I knew someone smarter than all of us was behind this going like, you two should fight.

• 22:44Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 22:44Speaker 01

  Yeah. Oh, fuck.

• 22:45Speaker 02

  Dude, there's like a four hour long interview with him on like PBS. That's like incredible.

• 22:50Speaker 03

  Really?

• 22:50Speaker 02

  Bannon? Yeah.

• 22:51Speaker 03

  Oh, yeah. America swatched all of his. Shit rocks. His shit rocks.

• 22:55Speaker 02

  He's, yeah.

• 22:56Speaker 03

  Like starts talking about like Cincinnati and shit like that.

• 22:58Speaker 02

  Yeah, he's really. It's the kind of thing that you like turn on to be like, fuck this fucking guy.

• 23:02Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 23:03Speaker 02

  And then you're like, oh shit.

• 23:04Speaker 01

  Oh, man.

• 23:05Speaker 03

  Yeah, he's a, he's a really good talker.

• 23:07Speaker 02

  And he's pretty, yeah.

• 23:08Speaker 03

  He's good at.

• 23:09Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 23:10Speaker 03

  You listen to Epstein talk though? He's a little effeminate. A little bit. Is he? Oh dude, there's like, he's showing his private island. He's like, this is my beach. Uh, it's private, so no one can come on here. This is my pool. It's like very. Yeah. Might be the ultimate reverse. He might have. I'm not a pedophile. I'm just gay. Might hit the old spacey. Yeah, I ain't doing any of that shit. For the record, I'm gay.

• 23:36Speaker 01

  Dude, that was the best.

• 23:37Speaker 03

  Shit rocks.

• 23:37Speaker 01

  What a move. What a Houdini out of cuffs. How could I be raping women when I like men?

• 23:44Speaker 03

  I think they were all ma- male accusations.

• 23:47Speaker 01

  They're still guys. He's like, right? But I'm gay.

• 23:53Speaker 03

  Should have caused her so, so they should have crippled.

• 23:55Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 23:55Speaker 03

  They should have done the reverse.

• 23:56Speaker 01

  And then he's.

• 23:56Speaker 03

  After he got caught, he'd be like, actually I'm fucked up.

• 23:58Speaker 01

  Oh no, I actually have a limp. You can't come after me.

• 24:02Speaker 03

  I thought it was Noam Chomsky. Noam Chomsky's all over. He's just old as balls. He's like fucking, he looks like something a cat spit out of. He's all over.

• 24:09Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 24:10Speaker 03

  Noam Chomsky's all of boy.

• 24:12Speaker 02

  That's not my boy. I fucking hate that guy.

• 24:13Speaker 03

  You love that shit.

• 24:15Speaker 02

  I hate that.

• 24:16Speaker 01

  You're a liberal history.

• 24:18Speaker 02

  Chuk?

• 24:18Speaker 01

  You're a Chompa Holland.

• 24:19Speaker 03

  Yes, dude.

• 24:20Speaker 01

  He loves liberal history.

• 24:21Speaker 02

  Yeah, you guys, you guys wish you were as center as I am. I hate Chomsky.

• 24:25Speaker 03

  What a centrist.

• 24:26Speaker 02

  Yeah. I'm so in the center, it's unbelievable.

• 24:29Speaker 03

  Really?

• 24:29Speaker 02

  You guys wish.

• 24:31Speaker 01

  Oh, you mean Chris the Balance O'Connor?

• 24:35Speaker 01

  Well, sure, he's for guns, but he's also for fucking universal healthcare in a way that's pretty taxpayer friendly. Oh.

• 24:42Speaker 03

  Now you're talking the actual balanced. All right. Guns? This guy screams and cries about guns. Maybe you've changed your mind. Oh, you know.

• 24:49Speaker 01

  Haven't we shotguns together?

• 24:51Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 24:53Speaker 01

  You guys went to the range? You've always been pro guns? Yeah. When did I have a problem with guns?

• 24:58Speaker 03

  Oh, okay. That's new.

• 25:00Speaker 01

  Damn.

• 25:01Speaker 03

  I think we should do something to keep him shooting up school. Oh, well, that for sure. Yeah. It's one way to put it.

• 25:07Speaker 01

  Oh, you're one of those Uvalde liberals.

• 25:11Speaker 01

  I bet you think cops shouldn't have Punisher logos on their phone too, while they're waiting for the

• 25:16Speaker 03

  It became cool for the libs to let guns. I'd say five years ago.

• 25:20Speaker 01

  No, dude, ICE flipped everybody. Now liberals are like, dude, I'm fucking.

• 25:23Speaker 03

  No, now, well, that was now. Punisher skull.

• 25:28Speaker 01

  But the teeth are the rainbow, the LGBT gear.

• 25:32Speaker 03

  Have you ever watched a Punisher logo? With Brenthal or Berenthal Harris?

• 25:35Speaker 01

  Yeah, I've watched it.

• 25:36Speaker 03

  Fucking sick.

• 25:37Speaker 01

  Yeah, it's great. He's got PTSD, which is what he should have. He's just a full fucking vigilante with PTSD and I, yeah, the scene where like

• 25:47Speaker 01

  it's check spots for me.

• 25:49Speaker 03

  I was dying watching. Once he put the skull on his chest, I was like, holy shit, cops think this is them.

• 25:53Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 25:55Speaker 03

  There's cops out there like, that's pretty much it.

• 25:58Speaker 01

  They don't understand that he's in so many edits that cops share on Instagram. It's like

• 26:04Speaker 01

  it's like him putting the thing on.

• 26:07Speaker 01

  In the Punisher edit.

• 26:09Speaker 03

  Punisher's a good ass. Season one, good as fuck.

• 26:11Speaker 01

  It's great. I gotta watch it. I never watched it.

• 26:12Speaker 01

  Season he did with Daredevil was great, too.

• 26:14Speaker 03

  I didn't see that one.

• 26:15Speaker 01

  Season three of Daredevil or shit where Punisher comes in, fucking rule.

• 26:18Speaker 03

  Multivariety crossover.

• 26:19Speaker 01

  I used to love the Punisher that had like, what's the guy from Hung in it? What's that guy? Oh, yeah. That was great. Aaron, is that Aaron Eckhart? No, it was. Kind of looks like him, though. Yeah, but I know what you're talking about. That shit was awesome.

• 26:31Speaker 03

  Was Hung about a dude with a big dick?

• 26:32Speaker 01

  Yeah. He's about a gigolo. Okay.

• 26:35Speaker 03

  I remember I tried it.

• 26:36Speaker 01

  Never watched it. He, by the way, that's how, this is how bullshit it was? All of his clients were just sexy ladies. It's not like an old gross gay dude.

• 26:45Speaker 03

  Fem cells. It's obviously that's every gigolo, gigolo's.

• 26:49Speaker 01

  I want to watch you. I want to watch you play with your. Old dudes. You're doing Thomas Jane. Yes. Thomas Jane's just beating off for like a dude that looks like the guy that put together NSYNC.

• 27:02Speaker 03

  I won't touch.

• 27:03Speaker 01

  It should have been the pilot. It's a Lou, it's the guy, what's that guy's name Lou?

• 27:08Speaker 03

  Whiskey? No.

• 27:09Speaker 01

  No, that's fucking shout out wildfire. Don't do that.

• 27:14Speaker 03

  Pedal ball. Lou whiskey? Pedal ball.

• 27:18Speaker 01

  Oh yeah, that's such a funny edit. Patriot. Retard.

• 27:23Speaker 03

  A mental retard.

• 27:23Speaker 01

  Mental retard. Traitor.

• 27:27Speaker 03

  Yeah, I used to watch TV Guide like at night at my cousin's house. I would just sit there and watch TV Guide, wait for HBO to come up, see if it was TVMA. And then it would say hung and I put on like, fuck, this is gay.

• 27:37Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 27:37Speaker 03

  And then even Sex and the City, I would turn on like, at what point do they get naked?

• 27:40Speaker 01

  Yeah, dude, you.

• 27:41Speaker 03

  I'd just turn it off. Rarely, yeah.

• 27:43Speaker 01

  You missed the golden.

• 27:43Speaker 03

  It was tough to catch a beat to Sex and the City. I got it done, but it was tough. Uh, Mad Dog on, um, what's the Flashing one?

• 27:51Speaker 01

  Oh.

• 27:51Speaker 03

  The infomercial one.

• 27:53Speaker 01

  The Girls Gone Wild.

• 27:54Speaker 03

  Well, that was, that was a, that's guaranteed. Rock hard. Yeah. I think it was, I had no idea what jerking off was yet.

• 28:00Speaker 01

  Say it.

• 28:02Speaker 01

  Oh, man.

• 28:03Speaker 03

  Those are the years.

• 28:04Speaker 01

  All those years of you just going to bed with a full tank.

• 28:07Speaker 03

  Yeah. Hold on, I don't know what this is.

• 28:09Speaker 01

  Oh my God, but then the first Z's after you pull it. Where you go, I think I've just reached a different state of life.

• 28:17Speaker 03

  Now, I, I was panicked because I, I had no idea what was going on. I freaked the fuck out. That night of sleep was like.

• 28:23Speaker 01

  The first night you busted?

• 28:24Speaker 03

  Yep. After I busted, I was like, I was like, do I need to tell my parents? Did I break something?

• 28:29Speaker 01

  Oh, yeah.

• 28:29Speaker 03

  Yeah. And I just, I was, I just laid in bed and I was like, I hope. The same shit.

• 28:33Speaker 01

  But you had.

• 28:33Speaker 03

  I hope I didn't do any serious. I was like, if I wake up tomorrow and everything's fine. I know it's a different topic, but the first time I got a calf cramp while I was sleeping, I was like, great, my season's over. I just tore everything in my leg. I don't know what, I don't know what that was, but I'm done.

• 28:49Speaker 01

  Were you dead? Cause you know what's funny is were you dead asleep?

• 28:52Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 28:52Speaker 01

  And then you got it down?

• 28:53Speaker 03

  It was in the morning. It was in the morning and I got a calf cramp. It was my. I thought the go. I think it was, I think it was either my sophomore year going into my junior, junior. It was the off season. It was right before football started and I was genuinely like, season's done. I just tore everything. That's the most painful thing I've ever had. Yeah, my, my shit was atrocious because I did have older brothers and I had a portable DVD player and I found one of their porno DVDs, which was busting up my butt, volume two.

• 29:19Speaker 01

  Shut up.

• 29:19Speaker 03

  And I would, there was like a bunch of tries, but nothing happened. Then one day it happened and it was like kinda nighttime. Got immediately scared, thought I was going to hell. So I just sprinted outside and started playing basketball.

• 29:30Speaker 01

  Yeah, sweat out the sin.

• 29:31Speaker 03

  I was tired. I was so scared. I was like, what the fuck did I just?

• 29:34Speaker 01

  The only time I've ever been afraid like that from waking up is waking up with the hiccups for the first time. You feel like you're drowning on dry land.

• 29:41Speaker 03

  Terrifying.

• 29:42Speaker 01

  You're like dead asleep and you wake up, you go.

• 29:46Speaker 03

  You woke up with the hiccups?

• 29:47Speaker 01

  I've done it. Dude, I've done it a lot.

• 29:49Speaker 03

  Did you have like terrible indigestion?

• 29:51Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 29:51Speaker 03

  What, like grubbing before sleep every night? I was basically living with you. I saw the way you grub.

• 29:57Speaker 01

  I would eat big mac and cheeses.

• 29:59Speaker 03

  Were you gonna sleep? Dude, he would eat fucking 50 Hi-Chews.

• 30:02Speaker 01

  Oh dude, I used to walk through Hi-Chews.

• 30:04Speaker 03

  Shit, he'd eat fucking 10 pounds of Kerry. I'd probably eat that curtain eating a Hi-Chew.

• 30:08Speaker 01

  Dude, I was, yeah, it's for real. It's just Japanese rubber that they sent over here. But I would order these like big fucking tins of mac and cheese and dump hot sauce on it. And then just like at 3:00 in the morning, be like.

• 30:23Speaker 01

  You wake up and you're like, dude, it's fucking terrifying. You're like, uh-oh.

• 30:28Speaker 01

  I try to go, you're like sleepy, but scared. It's the worst.

• 30:32Speaker 03

  I've been getting scared waking up a lot lately. I'll just start having like crazy running thoughts. My dude, what the fuck is going on? Yeah, and today's the day you die. You're gonna die right now. Here we go. Dude, I was having a completely fine day.

• 30:45Speaker 03

  Yeah, I, I think I had sleep paralysis this week. Same here.

• 30:49Speaker 01

  When you guys get it, are you just scared? You're just scared and can't do anything?

• 30:54Speaker 03

  No, at this point I can, I can see it. Like I'll be having a dream and go, like I'll wake up, try to go back to sleep. And I started having a dream where like I'm get, I'm about to like fall over. I was like, you motherfucker, I'm about to have sleep paralysis. Then I have sleep paralysis. I can like feel it coming on and go, you fuck. Damn. I didn't have the full, I just woke up scared as fuck from something. I don't know what that was. It sounded like something was in my room screaming. Yeah. Yeah, cuz you'll like think, like you'll always kind of dream a lot. Like two minutes. I was, yeah, it was terrifying.

• 31:24Speaker 01

  You're so terrified, but then immediately you go to sleep. That's so funny.

• 31:28Speaker 03

  Whatever. Nothing we haven't seen before. Just in the middle of it.

• 31:34Speaker 01

  But then you're like.

• 31:36Speaker 03

  You ever have the knock? Where you're going to sleep and you literally thought someone knocked on the door and you're like looking around like. No, that would scare the fuck out of me. That fucking scares them.

• 31:44Speaker 01

  I'd much rather wake up with the cups.

• 31:46Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 31:47Speaker 01

  Then fucking did a, did a castle door knock? Just like.

• 31:53Speaker 03

  It's like a cop knock. I'm like, what the fuck? But I'm just dreaming. I told you I had one where somebody walked across my room and it was so real. I thought it was my dad. I was like, no one else is here. I was like, Phil, get the fuck out of my room, dude. He just walked and stood in the corner where it was really dark. I couldn't see anything. And then it took me like two minutes to be like, no one's there. This is, that was, I saw a ghost walk across.

• 32:13Speaker 01

  That's when the fears.

• 32:13Speaker 03

  But for some reason I wasn't scared at all.

• 32:15Speaker 01

  Really?

• 32:15Speaker 03

  I don't know why. Yeah.

• 32:16Speaker 01

  Even after the realization, you're like, no one's in the room?

• 32:18Speaker 03

  Yeah, no one's in the room. Probably from that time of the service, bro. Probably. Skeleton in the closet.

• 32:23Speaker 01

  Damn, you're the Punisher.

• 32:24Speaker 03

  If you guys saw what I saw.

• 32:26Speaker 01

  Damn, you're Frank Castle.

• 32:27Speaker 03

  You guys have no idea. You guys were fucking around in college.

• 32:31Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 32:31Speaker 03

  I was at the point. Yeah, you were. Yeah, you were. What year was it? Oh, seven. Oh, I was graduating eighth grade, my friend. Okay, I'm talking about your time in the, in college. You went, you fucked off. They said, this is not a man for higher education. No, no, fuck no. He's not ready for books. Where'd you go? It's time for podcasts. I went to Delaware County Community College for a year, president's list, no big deal. And then Temple, I quit after a year. Two years. And I was like, I had.

• 33:01Speaker 01

  Two years?

• 33:01Speaker 03

  It was like three classes. I was like, dude, you can take three classes? It's sweet. So you just took three classes? I was like, physics is fuck. I did a thing where I had a dream about this, that I was going to somehow miss a class. And it was like some, like second semester or some shit. MLK Day was on that Monday and I was like, I'm taking a screenshot of my fucking uh, courses so I can just use this every fucking week. And then in physics, they kept talking about this lab that I had no idea what the fuck they were talking about. It turns out I was, I took a screenshot of MLK Day, which we were off that day, there was no class. So I'd missed a construction safety class and a physics lab for about a month and a half. And then I came to the construction safety thing. I was like, I had no idea I had this class.

• 33:43Speaker 03

  I passed that one, but I just dropped physics because fuck that. Physics is impossible.

• 33:48Speaker 01

  You're missing all that time that they're coming in and being like.

• 33:50Speaker 03

  They kept.

• 33:51Speaker 01

  You've learned basic things that I have no concept of.

• 33:53Speaker 03

  They kept talking about it in class. I was like Beetlejuice in class.

• 33:56Speaker 01

  It's lit.

• 33:57Speaker 03

  Okay.

• 33:58Speaker 02

  No clue what's going on.

• 34:00Speaker 03

  Lab in class?

• 34:00Speaker 02

  Oh, yeah, I went to one lab and I was like, I gotta drop this.

• 34:03Speaker 01

  Yeah, dude, when you, when you fucking outkick your coverage in college, you go to, I was like, I needed a class and I was like, I'll do philosophy. I'm a pretty philosophical dude.

• 34:12Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 34:13Speaker 01

  And I was like, what is it rationalism? Let's fucking go. I didn't realize Arizona has one of the top philosophy departments in the fucking country. And I took like a 400. And it was Rene Descartes. And it was so hard that I was just rereading sentences and I had to go to the teacher like I was retarded. I was like, I don't understand any of this. He's like, well, you took a couple 100s and 200s. I was like, no. Anyway, how, how were you able to sign up for this class? I was like, I don't know, brother, but we're here.

• 34:40Speaker 03

  He said, I signed up, therefore I am.

• 34:42Speaker 01

  Yeah, yeah, there you go. Fucking different between body and mind, or is there? I don't know.

• 34:47Speaker 03

  You're a fuck.

• 34:48Speaker 01

  Yeah, I'd get, I'd just smoke camels before I'd go in there. And he'd just like, always look at me like, get out of here. I think I got a D, so I passed.

• 34:56Speaker 03

  That's good.

• 34:57Speaker 02

  Those books are bullshit anyway.

• 34:59Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 35:00Speaker 02

  I've tried to read them. It's nonsense.

• 35:03Speaker 01

  Just a French fucking heroin addict.

• 35:05Speaker 02

  Yeah, and they don't.

• 35:05Speaker 01

  Just being like, am I alive? Are you alive?

• 35:11Speaker 02

  And they don't, they don't like write it in a way that's, it's like building an argument.

• 35:14Speaker 01

  No.

• 35:15Speaker 02

  And they say that from like the job.

• 35:16Speaker 03

  Drugs.

• 35:17Speaker 02

  Yeah, they just say.

• 35:18Speaker 01

  Old drugs. They didn't even know they were drugs. They thought they were just fucking inspired.

• 35:22Speaker 03

  Supposedly all those Grimm fairy tale people were on heroin and shit. Like Hansel and Gretel, they were just fucked up on heroin and made all these scary ass.

• 35:30Speaker 01

  That is, that makes so much sense. If Shakespeare or two 14 year olds falling in love to the point of suicide is just a guy fucking working out heroin. He's like, I was in love yesterday and now I'm fucking sweating. I'll kill myself if she killed herself. Fuck all this shit.

• 35:47Speaker 01

  Yeah, that makes sense.

• 35:48Speaker 03

  Yeah, what if homeless or heroin guys are still hitting fucking scary stories?

• 35:52Speaker 02

  Absolutely not.

• 35:52Speaker 03

  In those camps, in those tents?

• 35:53Speaker 01

  Oh dude, that's, those are the.

• 35:55Speaker 03

  Yeah, around the fucking trash can fire. I was in a three bedroom, two bath, a year ago. I had a family. I had a family. I was trusted and loved.

• 36:07Speaker 03

  Oh, this is too scary. I'm going to bed.

• 36:13Speaker 01

  Hold on, I gotta go before the sun bakes me under this highway.

• 36:17Matt McCusker?

  This episode is brought to you by AG1. Dude, real quick, gotta tell you guys about this.

• 36:22Speaker 03

  Oh, I like this.

• 36:22Matt McCusker?

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• 37:03Matt McCusker?

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• 37:17Speaker 03

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• 37:23Matt McCusker?

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• 37:44Matt McCusker?

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• 37:55Matt McCusker?

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• 38:15Speaker 03

  Oh yeah. Have you played Stalker 2?

• 38:18Speaker 01

  No.

• 38:18Speaker 03

  Very good game. You should try it.

• 38:20Speaker 01

  Oh, I'm all about Arc Raiders right now.

• 38:21Speaker 03

  I haven't played that.

• 38:23Speaker 02

  I've been hearing a lot about Arc Raiders.

• 38:25Speaker 03

  There's a fucking. I'm sorry, it just reminds me of, did you see Liver King went to Whataburger? You saw the video though. Do I have redemption? There's a fucking. There was like one moment of silence on the podcast and Billy, Billy tried to hit a new topic out of nowhere. He just goes, yo, did you guys see Liver King go to Whataburger with his family and order like a huge meal? I didn't.

• 38:44Speaker 03

  I didn't.

• 38:44Speaker 02

  He's not with that much authority.

• 38:46Speaker 03

  I was very tired, but if you watch it, is it not crazy? It was, it was fun. They fucking.

• 38:51Speaker 02

  What happens?

• 38:52Speaker 01

  How, what was the total cost?

• 38:54Speaker 03

  I don't know. He orders everything, but I think it was like when he was going through like a psychosis. So. Well, he's having a breakdown. It was fucking nuts. And he just kept like fucking saying the weirdest shit to people.

• 39:04Speaker 01

  What do you, do you think anybody in his family, like when, you know, anybody, you've known people go crazy when he locked in on Rogan? Were people like, hey, why would you shift off?

• 39:14Speaker 03

  I don't think dude, they were riding like in caravans. They were, yeah, they're like multiple cars together. It's crazy. Driving. Super Mario Kart all together in a pole barn and they each have a 65 inch TV this close to their face. I would do anything that, if that was my dad, but I will die.

• 39:30Speaker 01

  Liver King does?

• 39:31Speaker 03

  Yes. Yeah. Family bonding time. They all have 65 inch TVs, literally like a foot away from their face by Mario Kart. You would get in a Jeep and go and fight.

• 39:41Speaker 01

  I'll take out an entire podcast network. Went to Whataburger. I go through an Austin Killings spree for fucking 65 inch Mario Kart.

• 39:48Speaker 03

  Hey, he went to Whataburger and ordered fucking everything. Those kids will probably murder someone for it. Yeah, true.

• 39:53Speaker 01

  Yeah, that is like.

• 39:54Speaker 02

  Is he allowed to get toppings on stuff? Is that against his mantra?

• 39:58Speaker 03

  3.0, 1.0 was all about that shit. 3.0, holy trinity. You can do whatever you want. You can do it everyone. Just gotta be happy. Just gotta lock it down. Oh. Yeah. And do HGH, $30,000 of it a month.

• 40:10Speaker 01

  A month?

• 40:11Speaker 03

  Yeah, it was something wild. Like he was doing like 20 grand of HGH a month. And then he had people like fucking like, I think I'm going to turn my life around, honey, and buy liver and eat it raw.

• 40:20Speaker 01

  The first, it's always the first guy.

• 40:23Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 40:23Speaker 01

  Cause this sounds like a great idea. This guy looks fantastic.

• 40:26Speaker 03

  Yeah. Liver's so hard on.

• 40:29Speaker 01

  You're making sick.

• 40:30Speaker 03

  No pain, no gain.

• 40:32Speaker 01

  He's like, we're trying to gut it down. He's like. I'm gonna look like you? All right, this guy's just like. Dude, could Liver King hit a baseball?

• 40:42Speaker 03

  I doubt it.

• 40:43Speaker 01

  That'd be fun if he just fucking.

• 40:44Speaker 03

  That'd be awesome if you got.

• 40:45Speaker 01

  Hangers? He's just hitting like five thirty. He's just showing, oh, Tony's like.

• 40:50Speaker 03

  That'd be sick.

• 40:51Speaker 02

  Nah, he's, he's not a fine motor skills guy.

• 40:53Speaker 01

  No, but I'm just saying.

• 40:54Speaker 02

  Running with weights. If he could.

• 40:57Speaker 03

  You never know, dude.

• 40:58Speaker 02

  There's no way.

• 40:59Speaker 03

  The king?

• 40:59Speaker 02

  The king. There's no way.

• 41:01Speaker 03

  Not to be confused with.

• 41:02Speaker 02

  I bet he couldn't, I bet he could throw a dart.

• 41:06Speaker 03

  I don't think his fine motor skills are all there and he also has a hurt eyes. Yeah, he does have a hurt.

• 41:09Speaker 02

  Oh, yeah.

• 41:10Speaker 03

  Actually is good, like, uh, the superhero is that, I bet that had like. To be Hawkeye. Hawkeye, yeah. Least favorite person. He just throw, yeah, just got with the bow and arrow. Yeah, he pissed me off. I just watched, I'm, I'm going through the multiverse in correct order right now, so I just got Hawkeye fighting with Thor and them. It's pretty good.

• 41:27Speaker 01

  With the bow and arrow, though.

• 41:28Speaker 03

  Yeah, just fucking people up. But all he got is. Turned by Loki. But does he do anything other than fire a bow and arrow? No, he just got the fucking Hawkeye. He's security. No, he just got the fucking Hawkeye. He's security. But also wants to die with a bow and arrow. But he's got wild fucking, I think he's like some sort of fucking freak ninja or something like that. Wait, somebody should fight him that just has a gun.

• 41:48Speaker 01

  Yeah, they go, hey, cool bow and arrow.

• 41:50Speaker 03

  Yeah, I have an AK forty seven.

• 41:51Speaker 01

  Look at this. Hey, Hawkeye.

• 41:54Speaker 02

  No, he's like the Comanche, dude.

• 41:56Speaker 03

  Yeah. How'd that turn out for them?

• 41:57Speaker 01

  You were on the whole, ran into some fucking guns. Yeah, they ran into iron.

• 42:01Speaker 02

  He's got next level movement, I'm sure.

• 42:03Speaker 03

  Yeah, can he move it fast or something? I don't fucking know, honestly. I really don't. He's just a guy with an archer, like a gun? Said Jaren. I mean, uh, yeah. No offense to him, I just don't like Hawkeye. Nothing against Jaren. Yeah, Jaren Rana kind of rules. Yeah, he's cool. I think he got fucked up for a while, didn't he? He got smooshed, he got smooshed by like a snowmobile. Yeah. That would kill.

• 42:19Speaker 01

  They came back.

• 42:20Speaker 03

  Huge one. Did you ever see the size of it?

• 42:21Speaker 01

  Dude, those cacks, he got rolled up all right.

• 42:23Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 42:23Speaker 01

  He got rolled up on it.

• 42:24Speaker 03

  He got smooshed. He got like actually smooshed. Ever think you could take a car rolling over your foot? Yeah. No. Think about him is every time a car backs up next to me, I just want to fucking put my foot.

• 42:33Speaker 01

  Quickly, you'd be fine, I think. I think it would just go like. But like, I think if it stopped on your foot, you're fucking big trouble.

• 42:40Speaker 03

  Yeah, then you're in trouble.

• 42:41Speaker 01

  That pressure crap.

• 42:42Speaker 03

  I don't know. Something to think about this week. I've been watching, uh, Sri Lanka's Got Talent on Instagram. Who? Sri Lanka, the, the island nation. That is good shit. So good.

• 42:51Speaker 01

  Who are the judges?

• 42:52Speaker 03

  One of them was, uh, I don't know, just whoever, like three fat guys from Sri Lanka.

• 42:55Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 42:56Speaker 03

  They're like, dude, you're fat. You must be so powerful.

• 42:58Speaker 01

  You have a lorry and shirt on, sir. Can you judge this dance competition?

• 43:01Speaker 03

  Who's the dude, is that from Street Fighter? He's from Sri Lanka.

• 43:06Speaker 01

  Sagat?

• 43:06Speaker 03

  Oh, is it Sagat, the fucking crazy mullet that's like- Of Bianca? What?

• 43:11Speaker 01

  Oh, Blanca, it's from Brazil.

• 43:13Speaker 03

  He's from Brazil? I thought he was from Sri Lanka. Maybe he's just Blanca.

• 43:16Speaker 01

  I just know from the map, selecting the Street Fighter 2.

• 43:19Speaker 03

  That's what I'm talking about.

• 43:25Speaker 01

  It looks like it's filmed in the parking lot of America's Got Talent. Like, it looks like they were like, you guys can go outside.

• 43:32Speaker 03

  His talents-

• 43:32Speaker 01

  This is crazy!

• 43:33Speaker 03

  That's his talent. Wheels flat, bro. He gets run over by a tractor. How do you think he discovered this talent over his cheeks?

• 43:42Speaker 01

  Damn.

• 43:43Speaker 03

  You gotta tune into Sri Lanka's Got Talent, season three.

• 43:45Speaker 01

  Yeah, you never think about how third-

• 43:47Speaker 03

  Big talent.

• 43:48Speaker 01

  How worse, worse countries have way better talent shows because it's like basic necessity.

• 43:52Speaker 03

  Bro, you gotta see how bad these talents are. It was like four dudes roller skating, that was one of them.

• 43:57Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 43:58Speaker 03

  God, this is incredible. How the fuck did you guys get roller skates?

• 44:01Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 44:02Speaker 03

  What? I like the act.

• 44:03Speaker 01

  They got roller skates?

• 44:04Speaker 03

  Oh, they're drinking non-potable water. It's honestly-

• 44:07Speaker 01

  Look at this, look at this cloudy cup.

• 44:09Speaker 03

  It's honestly like, a fifth grade kids have talent. That's what their moves are. It's like when a kid goes outside, he goes, yeah, I got a bike. I'm gonna jump over one trash can and go, holy fuck, this kid's unbelievable. He goes, I bet you I'll eat that.

• 44:21Speaker 01

  Cause I'll eat-

• 44:21Speaker 03

  I'll eat any-

• 44:22Speaker 01

  He goes, see these two worms?

• 44:24Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 44:25Speaker 01

  Don't give me an X.

• 44:27Speaker 03

  I've been getting hit with African skateboarders, like, on dirt roads. It's fucking sick. That's nice. Very good.

• 44:32Speaker 01

  African pro wrestling is what's up.

• 44:34Speaker 03

  Really?

• 44:34Speaker 01

  You seen those guys in Ghana?

• 44:36Speaker 03

  No, I don't think I-

• 44:36Speaker 01

  They do in the mud ring, they do some crazy shit.

• 44:38Speaker 03

  I like that.

• 44:39Speaker 01

  Those power bombs on the mud look fucking cool as hell. They're hitting like-

• 44:43Speaker 03

  Kill.

• 44:43Speaker 01

  They're hitting like cool ass moves and you're like, these guys heard doing it with like a ring with any break in it, and you're like, oh.

• 44:49Speaker 03

  Is this like mud splash?

• 44:50Speaker 01

  Yeah, huge mud splash.

• 44:51Speaker 03

  Like a big Indian guy, fake wrestling, whatever that is, where they slap each other's chests.

• 44:55Speaker 01

  Yeah, you-

• 44:56Speaker 03

  I don't understand what is going on there.

• 44:58Matt McCusker?

  That kills.

• 44:59Speaker 01

  Yeah, that would hurt.

• 45:00Matt McCusker?

  Get slapped in the chest hard as fuck.

• 45:02Speaker 01

  He's taking chops.

• 45:03Speaker 03

  They like jump occasionally, they throw like Superman slap. I seen A- my cousin Ajax, he's fucking huge. And he was up on a ladder, on an extension ladder, and he either hit a power wash or something like that, like pressed it, fell back from the top, hit the ground. I saw him make an imprint in the grass and dirt and got the fuck up.

• 45:20Speaker 01

  Really?

• 45:20Speaker 03

  It was the craziest shit I've ever seen.

• 45:22Speaker 01

  Was it like, do you think he has like drunk driver brain where he was just like relaxed and just went like?

• 45:26Speaker 03

  Nah, Ajax is just like a, like an animal. He's like.

• 45:29Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 45:30Speaker 03

  Ajax is a fucking beast. He's a fucking beast.

• 45:32Speaker 01

  Crazy to watch him hit and then watch him get back.

• 45:34Speaker 03

  Got right up.

• 45:35Speaker 01

  Wait, didn't he crush a burrito? What was it?

• 45:38Speaker 03

  Oh, he used to crush burritos all the time, but he used to like, he'll eat a, drink a whole pot of coffee cold.

• 45:43Speaker 01

  What?

• 45:43Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 45:45Matt McCusker?

  Hey guys, really quickly, um, please, for the love of God, come out this weekend. Las Vegas, Nevada, the Plaza Theater. You guys are a last minute town. You do this to me every time I come there and you just, you buy tickets like two days before and it makes me nervous. Please come. And that's, that's this Friday night, two thirteen, twenty twenty six. Uh, two fourteen, Valentine's Day. I'll be at the Paramount Theater in Denver, Colorado. Uh, it's looking pretty solid, but you know, just come out. If you, if you don't know about it, you're hearing about it. If you want to come, come. And then after that, I'll be in Boise, Idaho, Salt Lake City, Cleveland, Ohio, Pittsburgh, St. Louis, Indianapolis. Uh, I'll be in a bunch of places. Go to mattmccusker.com for tickets, please.

• 46:26Speaker 00

  And, uh, just please come to, uh, October Noctis. Me, La Mer, Sean. It's always a good time. The next one is February seventeenth at the Creek in the Cave. You can get tickets on creekinthecave.com. Please.

• 46:39Speaker 06

  And La Mer's mom will be at this next one.

• 46:41Speaker 00

  I mean, come now.

• 46:42Speaker 06

  Mrs. Lee will be at the next October Noctis, if that sells you. And I'll also be in Salt Lake City with Nathan, uh, March twenty seventh and twenty eighth, I believe. Tickets are at sean gardini.com. This is Sean Gardini. Thank you so much.

• 46:55Matt McCusker?

  Also go to Lincoln Financial Field for Shane's show.

• 46:57Speaker 06

  Oh, yeah. Go see Shane.

• 46:58Matt McCusker?

  That's gonna be very, very sick. And hey, guys, I'm looking at the seat map right now. Don't think like, oh, he'll get around to it. This is gonna sell out. I'm looking at it. It's pretty close to sold out, so. You better go.

• 47:09Speaker 01

  Shane M Gillis dot com. That's awesome. All right, and we're back. What a, wow, what a great. What a, wow, what a great audience, wow. Oh, I haven't talked since we did the Garden. That was fun. Fucking awesome. Yeah. Thanks for having me. That was so fucking fun. You were Saturday, right?

• 47:23Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah.

• 47:24Speaker 01

  Yeah, I was Friday'sy.

• 47:25Speaker 02

  I heard that Friday was bananas.

• 47:27Speaker 01

  Right.

• 47:27Speaker 02

  It had to be.

• 47:28Speaker 01

  Saturday I lost my voice, but Friday ruled. Friday was crazy, cuz um, it was me, Che, Attell, then Louis. But I've never seen someone get a comedy club pop at an arena like Louis. Where David Attell went Louis CK and everyone went, yeah. And then they saw him and they were like.

• 47:50Speaker 01

  It was crazy. Like, they didn't believe it. They went like, yeah, Louis CK's here. Then you see him walk up the steps and everyone was like.

• 47:58Speaker 01

  It was awesome.

• 47:58Speaker 02

  Holy shit.

• 47:59Speaker 01

  It was fucking really cool.

• 48:00Speaker 02

  We also both went Thursday for Scouting Report.

• 48:02Speaker 01

  Yeah, we both watched. Funniest shit was Santino was going first on Thursday and I got coffee with him. Cuz originally, I was supposed to go second on Friday and I'm like, I had like, I'm going second confidence. We were talking to Santino on Thursday. I go, dude, going first is fine. You just go up there, fucking lay on the jokes, it'll be great. Santino's like, alright, alright. And then I go there and Shane goes, hey, you're going first on Friday. And I was like, fuck.

• 48:29Speaker 01

  Immediately walked out and saw Santino and I was like, how was it? He's like, it was good.

• 48:36Speaker 01

  You go first, I was like. Oh, and you had to stretch. Did you know that? Yeah, I laughed it off. Did I tell you that? Natalia came and went like this and I went. Yeah, no. Cuz I was like, you're in the round and you're like.

• 48:48Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 48:48Speaker 01

  There's no chance. If somebody, if somebody walked out while I was on stage at the fucking Garden was like, do more time. Yeah. And I was like. Just finished a joke and I went, no. And then I came back around and she was like. And I was like.

• 49:02Speaker 02

  I would be in my head too, being like, that has to be a bit.

• 49:06Speaker 01

  Did you go see Liver King? I thought he was fucking with me. There was a certain. Where I was like.

• 49:12Speaker 01

  This joke is this. This is where Ali fought Frazier. What are we doing here? It was cool as fuck. Che.

• 49:21Speaker 03

  Old Mikey Jay.

• 49:22Speaker 01

  He was hilarious.

• 49:23Speaker 03

  An animal. I don't know, I mean, dude, to show up late.

• 49:26Speaker 01

  Shows up late and then dips.

• 49:28Speaker 03

  Showed up late, killed, and then left.

• 49:31Speaker 01

  I went on, after, uh, when you went up, I was watching you for a while, then I was like, came back and I was like, where the fuck is Jay? And they're like, he laughed after his snack.

• 49:39Speaker 03

  Yeah, he's crazy.

• 49:40Speaker 01

  Oh my, he was dropping to a set.

• 49:42Speaker 02

  He's got another spot.

• 49:44Speaker 01

  Oh, I did New York Comedy Club, The Garden, and then, uh, fucking The Stand late. But it was, dude, that was fucking awesome.

• 49:50Speaker 03

  Yeah, that was, that was.

• 49:51Speaker 01

  Can I tell you, my favorite part was Cath and I were watching from one of the secret hallways, and it was when you were shit talking Sarah. Then you were like, she fucking terrorized me. And then I see Shane go, that bitch is here tonight. He says it on stage. And he goes, and he brought her daughter, that little bitch is with her. He's talking shit, and then Sarah walks up as we're standing there. And I go, did you ever talk shit? And your sister went, oh, we deserve everything. He's like, we were horrible to him.

• 50:16Speaker 03

  They suck.

• 50:17Speaker 01

  He was so funny watching her go, yeah, whatever. We talked shit to the whole garden.

• 50:23Speaker 02

  I knew it was coming. I didn't think it'd be this, but I knew it was coming.

• 50:26Speaker 01

  Yeah, what's Sweet Revenge? To watch it click in your head to go, nice to see you tonight.

• 50:31Speaker 03

  Oh, yeah.

• 50:31Speaker 01

  You fucking bitch.

• 50:32Speaker 03

  Giant fat bitch.

• 50:36Speaker 01

  That was very fun to watch.

• 50:37Speaker 03

  Yeah, it was, it was awesome. Voss, man.

• 50:39Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 50:39Speaker 03

  Big Voss out there. That was great.

• 50:41Speaker 01

  It was great, dude. Colin Quinn.

• 50:42Speaker 03

  It was fun to see Voss be nervous.

• 50:44Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 50:45Speaker 03

  Before this, he was so nervous.

• 50:46Speaker 01

  Can I tell you something that I don't know if he'll admit, but.

• 50:48Speaker 03

  In a good way.

• 50:48Speaker 01

  Louis was nervous.

• 50:50Speaker 03

  Everyone was.

• 50:50Speaker 01

  Everyone was nervous. It was crazy to watch Louis, though, but like, I was standing there, him being like.

• 50:56Speaker 03

  Especially, Attell was killing. Attell was killing.

• 50:59Speaker 01

  Attell was killing.

• 51:00Speaker 03

  Yeah, that hurt.

• 51:00Speaker 01

  Attell called the subway Lord Choo Choo. Fuck it. He must be fat. It was so funny. It's like, if you were a tourist, go down and ride the subway, get assaulted. Lord Choo Choo needs blood. It's so funny. He was just like, he just looked like a homeless guy that went up there and fucking killed for.

• 51:15Speaker 03

  That's so sad.

• 51:17Speaker 01

  Yeah, dude, he was the man. But then Louis went up, it was, it was great. It was fucking really cool.

• 51:22Speaker 03

  Yeah, I just, I like having all those guys. People like, how do you, aren't you worried to follow all those guys? It's like, no, I mean, they're gonna bury me.

• 51:28Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 51:28Speaker 03

  It's just, I want the people to pay to go to an arena, be like, that shit was cool.

• 51:32Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 51:33Speaker 03

  It's less pressure on me.

• 51:34Speaker 02

  Did Attell hit the recorder?

• 51:36Speaker 01

  No. He did it.

• 51:38Speaker 03

  Quarter of the garden would have been nice.

• 51:40Speaker 01

  I mean, dude, I used to hear him playing that during COVID while we were doing outside shows. I swear to God, you would take a corner and you're like,

• 51:49Speaker 01

  and you'd be like, a tell is near.

• 51:52Speaker 01

  If I was like tracking him, you'd like, you hear him, he'd be like, that tells near the corner.

• 51:56Speaker 03

  It's like Grand Theft Auto, even you hear a mission, you go, ah, I'm not doing it yet.

• 52:01Speaker 01

  No, fuck that. I don't want to do that one. That was cool as fuck, man. Three nights at the Garden.

• 52:05Speaker 03

  That was sick.

• 52:06Speaker 01

  Yeah, it was.

• 52:07Speaker 03

  It did suck. I got sick on Saturday.

• 52:09Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 52:09Speaker 02

  You couldn't tell.

• 52:10Speaker 03

  Everyone said you couldn't tell. I could tell. And I was in my head the whole time. I forgot how many fucking impressions I do. I'd start a joke and be like, great, I scream in this. I scream in like 10 fucking jokes.

• 52:20Speaker 01

  Dude, there's nothing funny.

• 52:21Speaker 03

  Doesn't make any sense.

• 52:22Speaker 01

  There's nothing funnier than a gay act out getting killed by you being like, no voice.

• 52:26Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 52:29Speaker 01

  And you're like, I really, in that moment, you go, I really am gay. Those moments where you're doing a voice and you can't because you're sick, you're like.

• 52:37Speaker 03

  It's just any, anytime bombing an act out, you're like, I am the fucking gayest dude alive right now.

• 52:43Speaker 01

  Oh, my God, dude, the funniest shit that I used to love to watch on YouTube was comics bombing with act outs and then having to get off the ground.

• 52:51Speaker 03

  Oh, laying down? Yeah, laying down joke?

• 52:53Speaker 01

  And then they get up and they go, so anyways, that's just kind of, that's what that's like. That shit always fucking deals with.

• 52:59Speaker 03

  People laying on their back and talking into the mic and no one laughing and then having to stand up.

• 53:04Speaker 01

  Stand up.

• 53:05Speaker 03

  I've seen it. I've seen, we've seen it a million times.

• 53:07Speaker 02

  Not knowing the floor is dusty as fuck.

• 53:12Speaker 01

  Especially like, like a black comic doing like an act out, he's like, and then I get popped, he pops up and then it's all, he's like, how y'all doing tonight?

• 53:20Speaker 03

  Got a lot of beautiful women here.

• 53:21Speaker 01

  Oh, ladies, y'all look beautiful. I got, it's dusting so long.

• 53:25Speaker 03

  Yeah, I saw a guy hit the lay down bomb at, uh, Magoob's. Getting heckled while laying down.

• 53:30Speaker 01

  Jesus.

• 53:31Speaker 03

  Laying on his back, getting heckled. Get up.

• 53:34Speaker 01

  Dude, that.

• 53:35Speaker 03

  You suck asshole. Yeah, yeah, all right, mister.

• 53:41Speaker 03

  Yeah, whatever. Fuck you, dude. Just laying down on the goobies.

• 53:45Speaker 01

  Just looking up at a fucking ceiling of a comedy club.

• 53:48Speaker 03

  Yeah, I'm gonna kill myself. In Timonium.

• 53:51Speaker 01

  Never thought I'd blow my head off in Timonium, Maryland. Dude, last one of the last times I was in. Night to the night. I tried finding a PS4 controller. This was like a couple of years ago and I drove all over Timonium looking for. That mall there. Went to the GameStop. Yeah. Got into it with the guy. I was like, I need a PlayStation 4 controller. He's like, we don't sell them. And I was like, how, how? You're fucking GameStop. And he's like, sir, you're cursing at me. He hit the, don't curse at me in the store. I mean, how your fucking GameStop is. It's a little aggressive. I would have gone.

• 54:23Speaker 03

  Was it like PS5 out or like why did they?

• 54:25Speaker 01

  It was like PS5 was not out yet, but they like only had the controller. It was one of those times where you couldn't get a PS5. Like, I think that might have been out, but only in stores where like the controllers for them. And I was trying to get a PS4 controller. I was like, dude, I need a PS4. Saying, would you break, did you break the other one? Uh, no. You throw a pick? No, I don't break stuff anymore. After, after I moved out with the punching table, I don't punch stuff. Actually, you know what stopped me from punching tables? Table was terrifying. You got a glass table? No, Katie, Katie bought these Ikea fucking tables and I put my hand through one. And her reaction from the other room was so, I was so embarrassed by it. Replay. Uh, I think it might've been Madden.

• 55:08Speaker 01

  It might've been Madden and I think I threw a pick six to end it. And I fucking, I came down with a hammer fist on it. It just broke the table and just her from the other room going. What was that?

• 55:21Speaker 01

  Struck me in a way as an adult that I was like, I went on Ikea and ordered one immediately. They were 12 bucks, so it wasn't that bad. 12 dollar table. Yeah. Eventually you're gonna put a cup down on it. This thing is gonna explode. It just would swell up. Just that like hearing a groan, it like snapped me back to reality that I was like, oh, the. Said, oops, that goes gravity. I mean.

• 55:45Speaker 01

  We just have a here a grown woman go. Watching you guys watch me spaz out didn't affect me at all.

• 55:52Speaker 03

  I've said it 10 million times. Your spaz on Derosa is my favorite spaz.

• 55:59Speaker 01

  I think he's the only person to be able to get me to that.

• 56:03Speaker 01

  He can get anyone to go like.

• 56:05Speaker 03

  But you're just fucking stop. My nephew just did this to my niece. Really? They were playing, I got him Super Nintendo for Christmas and they're all playing. He died and she laughed at him. He just went. Hit her in the fucking head. They had to break him off. I was like, bro, you gotta fucking chill out. And he immediately got even more pissed off. So I didn't hit her. Like, dude, we just saw you hit. Mario gets you so angry.

• 56:26Speaker 01

  Video, it's a different anger.

• 56:28Speaker 03

  It is.

• 56:29Speaker 01

  It's a different.

• 56:30Speaker 03

  I've hit a new anger. I just rage quit. I just hit home screen immediately, shut the fucking thing off.

• 56:35Speaker 01

  I mean.

• 56:35Speaker 03

  Throw a pick. I go, I'm done.

• 56:37Speaker 01

  The way that people cope for most of their life is they go, the computer's fucking.

• 56:41Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 56:41Speaker 01

  It's crooked.

• 56:42Speaker 03

  Dude.

• 56:42Speaker 01

  I remember Big Jay would hit me with that when I'd be beating him in Madden. He'd go, the computer likes you more. You're like, what? You think this is a popularity contest with the computer?

• 56:50Speaker 02

  Dude, I had a meltdown the other night in Hell at Loose. I got in. I got.

• 56:55Speaker 03

  Game rules.

• 56:56Speaker 02

  I got. Building like fortresses.

• 56:59Speaker 03

  I'd love to learn how to do that.

• 57:01Speaker 02

  Yeah. So I was just running supplies for like 20 minutes to just dump a million supplies in this. It was like starting to build a fortress and then all the other engineers came and started building shit. And this guy just put a piece of barbed wire fence and like butt fucked it so hard. And I was like.

• 57:20Speaker 03

  That is a lot of work though. And it's not. He ran for like an hour. Yeah, it's not.

• 57:24Speaker 02

  You know, I was driving the supply truck.

• 57:26Speaker 03

  Damn. Yes, it's also, that's crazy to play that game and be like, I'm gonna be the supply truck guy.

• 57:30Speaker 01

  That's wild.

• 57:31Speaker 03

  See no action, dude. You just literally just drive. Gotta start dressing up in the fucking regalia.

• 57:35Speaker 02

  No, it's a perfect point. I couldn't like, I couldn't, I was building sick bunkers and shit everywhere. It's like, we had the whole thing defended. We just needed to close off this one side. And this motherfucker just put, and you can't dismantle barbed wire. You have to like blow it up.

• 57:48Speaker 03

  Just for the game to end.

• 57:50Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah.

• 57:51Speaker 01

  That guy, and that guy knew what he was doing. He was like, watch this.

• 57:54Speaker 03

  That's always frustrating. We would get in a tank. You gotta drive the length of the battlefield and it ends. Yeah.

• 58:01Speaker 02

  I just did that in Call of Duty. I've just been using Bazooka over and over. I don't have my headset. And the dude was just like, why don't you stop fucking shooting and stuff and take down a UAV, you fucking asshole?

• 58:10Speaker 03

  I just fucking went over and did it.

• 58:12Speaker 02

  Got him with it. I had an officer try to steal my supply truck and I shot him. Really?

• 58:20Speaker 02

  I was like, get your own dude. Talk to the commander. Get another.

• 58:25Speaker 01

  Yeah, Vietnam's gonna be nice.

• 58:26Speaker 02

  Yeah, it's gonna be nice.

• 58:27Speaker 01

  Hell, let's lose Vietnam.

• 58:29Speaker 02

  Really?

• 58:29Speaker 01

  In the economy.

• 58:30Speaker 03

  You like, me and the economy.

• 58:31Speaker 01

  I don't do, I mean, I'll play, I, it's weird, I get into video games, but I have to be like recommended them.

• 58:37Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 58:37Speaker 01

  I have to be.

• 58:38Speaker 03

  Stalker 2, you'll fucking play the shit.

• 58:40Speaker 01

  Alright, I mean, Arc Raiders was the thing I got at New Year's and I fucking love it. But motherfuckers just camp out and kill you when you're about to leave in the elevator. They just rat your ass.

• 58:49Speaker 02

  I've heard it's awesome. I got recommended that game. I was thinking about getting it.

• 58:53Speaker 01

  Yeah, it's great.

• 58:53Speaker 02

  Yeah, you can team up, right?

• 58:55Speaker 01

  Oh yeah, you can team of threes, go trios, bro.

• 58:57Speaker 03

  Gabe's doing, uh.

• 58:58Speaker 02

  That would be nice.

• 58:59Speaker 03

  Yeah, Cliff Tarkov on Twitch. Gabe Davis, I got into Twitch. I never got Twitch. It's hilarious.

• 59:03Speaker 02

  It's so.

• 59:04Speaker 01

  Oh, watch people play?

• 59:05Speaker 03

  I watched it last night. Twitch is nuts. Yeah, I just watch games. You can watch all types of shit. Nobody's watching, there's like people with zero views. It's awesome.

• 59:13Speaker 01

  Dude, do you know how much you could fuck with someone if you just go to their thing and then give them like a hundred bucks? And they'd be like, Shane Gillis, just give you a hundred bucks. There you go. Anyways, you guys are gonna see here, this is zero views.

• 59:23Speaker 03

  It's, I've looked at it last night. A lot of it's girls. Doing like ASMR and I, I clicked one and I like almost entered the, I think I entered the chat. But I don't think, I don't think it shows your name, but I panicked. Wow, wow.

• 59:38Speaker 07

  Oh, there he is, welcome back.

• 59:41Speaker 03

  It's, it's fun, man. Yeah, on Twitch, I never even knew that thing existed.

• 59:44Speaker 02

  Yeah, I, I set it up. I was trying to stream on it for a while.

• 59:48Speaker 03

  That would've been fun.

• 59:49Speaker 01

  Dude, I do one.

• 59:50Speaker 02

  Star stream.

• 59:51Speaker 03

  I'm, I'm modding Gabe's Twitch. Yeah, I just kick everyone out to talk shit.

• 59:57Speaker 01

  I like that.

• 59:57Speaker 03

  Yeah, it's fun.

• 59:58Speaker 01

  Get the fuck out of here.

• 59:59Speaker 03

  Kick his fucking brother out.

• 1:00:00Speaker 01

  You do soccer shit?

• 1:00:01Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 1:00:03Speaker 03

  Yeah, cause Gabe keeps saying he's gonna beat me up. And I say, Gabe, I'm gonna literally, I'll pay someone to kill you.

• 1:00:08Speaker 02

  He was playing, he was like.

• 1:00:10Speaker 03

  And I ban people that like Gabe. That's rude for. He was playing and kept just messaging Gabe, remember our time in Cleveland? That was so much fun. Remember what we did in Cleveland? He's fucking freaking. Yeah, he doesn't, he doesn't take kindly to it. I get in there, I say, show holes, show cheeks, show your feet. He's like, what the fuck is wrong with you?

• 1:00:29Speaker 01

  Also with the lighting.

• 1:00:30Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 1:00:30Speaker 01

  Headset is very.

• 1:00:32Speaker 03

  Try to get him to kill his teammates. He won't.

• 1:00:34Speaker 02

  Shoot.

• 1:00:35Speaker 01

  Well, I mean, one of the hardest you've ever made me laugh was when I started playing Red Dead Redemption two, and I went to the bathroom and I come back out and Shane has my controller unpause and he's aiming my gun at my horse's head. And I was like, dude, what are you doing? And he's like, I'm gonna kill your fucking, I'm gonna kill Night Shadow. He's like, I'm gonna kill Night Shadow, I had a black horse. He's like, don't you kill my black horse. He came in here with a hostage.

• 1:00:57Speaker 03

  You get, it's a custom name. He named it Night. He sat tight in Night Shadow.

• 1:01:01Speaker 01

  What a cool name for a horse.

• 1:01:02Speaker 03

  That's why I wanted to kill it.

• 1:01:03Speaker 01

  No, what a cool name.

• 1:01:04Speaker 03

  Destroy something beautiful.

• 1:01:04Speaker 01

  No, it's, it is beautiful. So you admit it's beauty.

• 1:01:07Speaker 03

  Night Shadow's, no, that's.

• 1:01:08Speaker 01

  With a white mane.

• 1:01:09Speaker 03

  High as fucking queens and naming your horse Night Shadow.

• 1:01:12Speaker 01

  Take me back.

• 1:01:13Speaker 03

  True.

• 1:01:13Speaker 01

  Take me back.

• 1:01:14Speaker 03

  I agree.

• 1:01:15Speaker 01

  Take me back to innocent time of riding around Night Shadow to Saint Denis.

• 1:01:20Speaker 03

  Oh, old Saint Denis. Yeah, we had some times back then.

• 1:01:24Speaker 01

  Yeah, dude.

• 1:01:24Speaker 03

  Find the vampire in Saint Denis.

• 1:01:26Speaker 01

  I would, I would love to.

• 1:01:27Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 1:01:27Speaker 02

  I wanted to go into that game, but I feel like I'd get swallowed by it.

• 1:01:32Speaker 03

  You should.

• 1:01:33Speaker 01

  Red, Red Dead Redemption two.

• 1:01:34Speaker 03

  Awesome. You never played it?

• 1:01:36Speaker 02

  No.

• 1:01:36Speaker 03

  You should play it.

• 1:01:37Speaker 02

  Yes. Yeah. But I really wanted to do the thing where I, I just want to like open a general store and like run.

• 1:01:42Speaker 03

  You get to that. You get to that. Yeah, you can, you can do some shit like.

• 1:01:45Speaker 02

  I want to just be a good businessman in town.

• 1:01:48Speaker 03

  I'm with you. I get, I, I'm trying to play Fallout. Anytime a new season of Fallout comes out, I just play the game. And I forgot, I don't play the game. I just scrap metal and try to build forts.

• 1:01:58Speaker 02

  Cracking.

• 1:01:58Speaker 03

  I'm literally on the first level.

• 1:02:00Speaker 02

  On the first.

• 1:02:00Speaker 01

  Cattle air converters. I just get under.

• 1:02:02Speaker 03

  Old sap and scrap, for real. I just scrap metal barrels. I go, I can build a gun turret.

• 1:02:08Speaker 01

  You just play meth head the game? I can get in that fucking soul house.

• 1:02:12Speaker 03

  You can take meth. You can take, yeah.

• 1:02:13Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:02:14Speaker 03

  I get addicted. Yeah. And then you have withdrawals if you can't find it.

• 1:02:17Speaker 01

  Really?

• 1:02:17Speaker 03

  Yeah. I'm addicted to jet and scrap metal. I play it for hours and then I go, I didn't beat one level.

• 1:02:24Speaker 01

  On Arc Raiders, you can hit yourself with, uh, stimulant. So you like don't have it, but the other players are here, so they'll run ahead of me and you hear me going.

• 1:02:33Speaker 01

  Just maybe like, I'm just hopping up and down and it's like,

• 1:02:39Speaker 01

  every time I fucking hit it, every time I hit the stimmy.

• 1:02:42Speaker 03

  Were you good at that cyberpunk game?

• 1:02:44Speaker 01

  No, I never played it though, because it came out, it was too shitty.

• 1:02:46Speaker 03

  Yeah, it had dongs though. Choose your dong size. Yeah. Fucking nuts.

• 1:02:51Speaker 01

  Do you know what I found out about the Olympics? Do you know those ski jumpers?

• 1:02:53Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 1:02:54Speaker 01

  Do this shit where when they're getting fitted for suit, they like shoot something in their dick to make their dick bigger?

• 1:02:59Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 1:02:59Speaker 01

  And then they get fitted for their ski joke.

• 1:03:02Speaker 03

  What do you mean why?

• 1:03:03Speaker 01

  So they have extra flat, so it carries them farther, carries them like nine feet farther.

• 1:03:07Speaker 03

  They were like, can that necessarily make that a little bigger? You're, because it's illegal.

• 1:03:10Speaker 01

  It's illegal. You gotta go in it.

• 1:03:12Speaker 03

  You gotta have a fake dong. Is that a sock in there?

• 1:03:14Speaker 01

  It can only be a, sir, that's clearly two rolls of socks in an O S.

• 1:03:19Speaker 03

  Be someone's bigger than your actual body.

• 1:03:22Speaker 01

  A remote?

• 1:03:22Speaker 03

  It's a cucumber in tin foil. So you gotta have a big dick to be, I mean, just one more hurdle for me becoming a great ski jumper. I know gravity was bad, but if dick size, there's no injection.

• 1:03:33Speaker 01

  What they do is they inject it to make it puffier, puff out, and then when they're competing, their dick's normal again.

• 1:03:40Speaker 03

  That would be fun, I'll just go inside my body and not make my dick bigger. That'd be huge, like fucking, a fruit fake.

• 1:03:46Speaker 01

  Just go get super embarrassed and have your dick tiny.

• 1:03:49Speaker 03

  Well, can't you just crap your pants and have it sag? It's probably cut weight. That's what she just gained a ton of weight. Went for the suit fitting and they had to.

• 1:03:57Speaker 01

  The opposite of it.

• 1:03:58Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 1:03:58Speaker 01

  Very fat.

• 1:03:59Speaker 03

  Fuck for the event.

• 1:04:00Speaker 01

  Fitting and then get back.

• 1:04:00Speaker 03

  Be weak as hell flying down that thing. Take it out. I like it. It's a good ass idea. There's, I don't know about you guys, I've been watching some figure skating and some of those guys have nice asses.

• 1:04:13Speaker 03

  Every single one of these little twinks that gets up there. The quad guy? I watched the quad guy do that.

• 1:04:18Speaker 01

  Dude, he looks, yeah, he looks like he can fly. Like he looks like if you were like, his mom's a fairy, you'd be like, oh yeah. His backflips and shit, he landed one footed?

• 1:04:27Speaker 03

  His big, his number one rival is just this little tiny Japanese man who is. It's a good battle.

• 1:04:32Speaker 01

  I don't know if you watched their short program.

• 1:04:33Speaker 03

  I did today.

• 1:04:34Speaker 01

  On the team.

• 1:04:35Speaker 03

  The Japanese man took a little stumble and they didn't fucking penalize him for shit.

• 1:04:38Speaker 01

  I was talking.

• 1:04:39Speaker 03

  Oh, not the team one, yeah.

• 1:04:40Speaker 01

  The team one, he was flawless. Quad God though, hitting those backflips.

• 1:04:44Speaker 03

  Well, apparently those don't do shit for you.

• 1:04:45Speaker 01

  Really?

• 1:04:46Speaker 03

  Yeah, that's not part of the.

• 1:04:47Speaker 01

  He just wrestled in the other.

• 1:04:49Speaker 03

  It's part of the, uh, there's like, because of how gay. The sport is half your points are like dancing.

• 1:04:56Speaker 01

  Yeah, you have to.

• 1:04:56Speaker 03

  And like presentation and shit.

• 1:04:58Speaker 01

  One of them.

• 1:04:58Speaker 03

  And the moves are just half your.

• 1:05:00Speaker 01

  We're watching.

• 1:05:01Speaker 03

  We're just seeing who's gayest.

• 1:05:03Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:05:04Speaker 03

  How'd they not busy as fuck? I went on a merry-go-round type thing at a park the other day. Dude, if I roll, if I do a neck roll, if I do a neck roll, I'm dizzy. Yeah.

• 1:05:13Speaker 03

  I gotta sit down, holy shit. My nephew, he put me on, started spinning around, I got off, that's hilarious, I'm like, oh fuck.

• 1:05:21Speaker 03

  It was like three minutes of dizzy.

• 1:05:23Speaker 02

  And they always try to say, do that thing, you look at a spot, like you like snap your head around and come back to the spot. It's like, that is, that makes it worse. Spinning my head fast.

• 1:05:31Speaker 01

  Feel the whole world, that's when you, that's when you take a long tumble.

• 1:05:33Speaker 03

  Take a brewsky tumble.

• 1:05:35Speaker 01

  Here we go, where the fuck you going in? Oh fuck.

• 1:05:39Speaker 03

  All right, well.

• 1:05:41Speaker 01

  It's great seeing you.

• 1:05:42Speaker 03

  Great time to go eat dinner. So what do you guys think about getting some dinner?

• 1:05:46Speaker 01

  I'd love it.

• 1:05:46Speaker 03

  He wants it. You want some lemon meringue?

• 1:05:48Speaker 01

  I'm gonna fuck up some lemon meringue.

• 1:05:50Speaker 03

  You want some meatloaf? Where, where's the lemon meringue spot?

• 1:05:52Speaker 02

  One out of two ain't bad.

• 1:05:53Speaker 03

  Don't worry about it. Um, all right, sick. See you guys soon, I'll try to do this again.

• 1:06:01Speaker 03

  Sorry.

• 1:06:02Matt McCusker?

  Watch new episodes of Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast on Spotify.

• 1:06:05Speaker 03

  Do it.

• 1:06:07Speaker 08

  Coca-Cola. For the big, for the small, the short, and the tall. Peacemakers, risk takers. For the optimists, pessimists. For long distance love. For introverts and extroverts. The thinkers and the doers. For old friends and new. Coca-Cola. For everyone. Pick up some Coca-Cola at a store near you.

• 1:06:38Speaker 09

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