Putting The Fun Back In Funeral with Special Guest Paul Scheer

Conan and special guest Paul Scheer talk to Josh from Bellevue, WA about his direct-to-consumer casket and urn company. Wanna get a chance to talk to Conan? Submit here: teamcoco.com/apply

Speaker names marked ? are inferred from speaking time and the show’s known hosts — they are not voice-verified.

• 0:03Conan O'Brien?

  When it comes to insurance, Farmers doesn't like surprises. That's why there's Farmers coverage on a page. What is it, you ask? Did you ask? I don't think you did, but let's pretend you did.

• 0:13Speaker 01

  Yeah, okay, let's...

• 0:14Conan O'Brien?

  It's your coverage on a page, pretty straightforward.

• 0:17Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 0:18Conan O'Brien?

  That's good, because sometimes it gets confusing, you know? What am I covered for, what am I not? Here, it's all on a page. Does your insurance do that? Get a quote to get started at Farmers.com. Don't be confused, don't wonder. Farmers makes it pretty clear. Underwritten by Farmers, Truck or Fire Insurance Exchanges or affiliate. Products not available in every state.

• 0:39Conan O'Brien?

  Who do you shop for first on the holidays, Sona? Was it, do you shop for the kids, or do you shop for Tac?

• 0:43Speaker 01

  My kids.

• 0:44Conan O'Brien?

  Okay.

• 0:45Speaker 01

  Or Okie.

• 0:45Conan O'Brien?

  You gotta get them your stuff.

• 0:46Speaker 01

  Or my dog.

• 0:46Conan O'Brien?

  And then your husband is last. Well, guess what? It's that time of year. You feel that, you smell that cinnamon cider in the air? Do you smell that?

• 0:56Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 0:56Conan O'Brien?

  And you see pumpkins around, people buying turkeys. Little early to buy a turkey. Doesn't matter. Holidays? I would say it's just around the corner, but that's a cliche. It's very nearby in the cupboard. Well, guess what? Amazon delivers joy with low prices on the gifts you want, even this early in the season. So get ahead of the season. Shop early gifts, top picks, holiday decor, and advent calendars at low prices. Get ahead, start on holiday gifting with Amazon's low prices. Shop now at Amazon.com/holiday.

• 1:33Speaker 01

  Conan O'Brien Needs a Fan. Want to talk to Conan? Visit TeamCoco.com/callconan. Okay, let's get started.

• 1:43Conan O'Brien?

  Hello.

• 1:43Speaker 01

  Hi, Josh. Welcome to Conan Needs a Fan with Conan and special guest, Paul Scheer.

• 1:49Speaker 02

  Hey, Josh.

• 1:50Speaker 03

  Hey, everyone.

• 1:50Conan O'Brien?

  Hey, Josh. And I understand, Josh, you and I have not met, but you and Paul have chatted on the podcast. Is that right?

• 1:58Speaker 02

  Yeah, I guess so, right?

• 2:00Speaker 03

  We met, you tied it with David, but I was in the room, so I shook your hand, but you likely won't remember me from all the activity.

• 2:06Conan O'Brien?

  Well, quick question, Josh, was he cold and dismissive when you shook his hand? Was he, like, did he try and big time you?

• 2:14Speaker 03

  He looked deep into my eyes. I panicked, and I left, and I handed it to David.

• 2:20Speaker 02

  This is the effect I have on people, you know?

• 2:22Conan O'Brien?

  He did it with me today, so, yes, we have a special guest, the very funny Paul Shear sitting in with us, and he's gonna help us help you. Because what I like to do is meet fans and find out about them, and then help them with their issues, if they have any. And so, Josh, tell us a little bit about yourself.

• 2:44Speaker 03

  Yeah, so I live in Bellevue, Washington. My wife of 17 years, I have three kids. Today, I'm in Chicago because I'm here for a national funeral convention. Oh, shit. Because I run a direct-to-consumer casket and urn company.

• 2:57Conan O'Brien?

  I was gonna say, I thought, I was just gonna say, I'm glad he's in the funeral business. Because if you were just fanboying out at the convention, I'd be creeped out.

• 3:11Speaker 02

  I was gonna say, what happens if someone dies? Are y'all in Chicago right now? I mean, what's gonna happen?

• 3:16Speaker 03

  The best possible place. But you should attend one funeral convention in your life, I would say.

• 3:21Speaker 02

  All right.

• 3:22Speaker 03

  Not two, but one.

• 3:23Conan O'Brien?

  Um, I disagree.

• 3:27Conan O'Brien?

  But, you know, we can talk, and let's talk about it, and you can tell me a little bit about the business. What do you do in the funeral business, Josh?

• 3:36Speaker 03

  So, most families, when they have a loss, they go to their local funeral home. They don't know what things should cost, reasonably so. They don't shop around, and they end up spending often too much money. They don't have the good buy they necessarily want. But what these families don't know is there's a federal law called the funeral rule. It's an FTC law that gives you the right to buy your caskets, urns, other products outside the funeral home. And so that's what we do. We sell caskets and urns at roughly half the price that they're sold elsewhere, through our own site, through Costco, Sam's Club, Amazon, and so we try to help families save a lot of money.

• 4:07Conan O'Brien?

  Wait a minute, so I could buy, I could buy caskets in bulk? I mean, is it, do you know when you go to a, if you go to a Costco or something, you can get not just, you get like 35 rolls of toilet paper? Could I go and buy like?

• 4:19Speaker 02

  Yeah, for a family.

• 4:20Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah, for a family.

• 4:21Speaker 03

  Don't stop at 35.

• 4:22Conan O'Brien?

  Family size.

• 4:24Speaker 03

  We will sell you hundreds of caskets.

• 4:26Conan O'Brien?

  It's like the Fruit Loops. It's like the Fruit Loops that feed 35 kids for a week.

• 4:33Conan O'Brien?

  Does anyone ever buy more? Does anyone ever buy more than one casket at once, do you think? Just by a couple?

• 4:39Speaker 03

  Not at once, but we have families that have needs in their community and so, but usually they don't fill up their trunk with more than one.

• 4:46Speaker 02

  I have a question about this because, you know, normally when someone dies, it's, you know, it's a surprise or we didn't know it was gonna happen. And it seems like you can't take this time to like go shopping around. It's not like, oh, hold on, let me order one on Amazon. And like, when will that come? In like a week? Like, I don't know, you know?

• 5:04Conan O'Brien?

  Also, a big problem, I've had this with shoes. Oh, this pair of shoes looks really amazing. You order it from Amazon, they come and they don't fit. If the casket shows up after you've waited for three days and you try and put Uncle Maury in there and he doesn't fit, what do you do?

• 5:21Speaker 03

  Yeah, well, he'll fit. We'll make sure he fits.

• 5:26Speaker 02

  I don't like the way he says that.

• 5:27Conan O'Brien?

  Yes! Josh! Josh has another product he could sell you called the D legger.

• 5:36Speaker 03

  I told you, you have to come to a funeral convention.

• 5:39Conan O'Brien?

  It's Munson's D legger. Keep the bottom part closed and no one knows where those legs went.

• 5:45Speaker 02

  Please change the name of your funeral company. We'll make sure they fit.

• 5:51Speaker 03

  That's right. Most people fit in a standard size and then we do have wider ones for those who need them.

• 5:58Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah. Okay, this is a very obvious area, but when one is in this position, they often start selling you a casket. This is the normal way. You're at a funeral home. They start ordering you a casket or trying to sell you a casket and they want to sell you this really beautiful casket. And even if this is someone who is really near and dear to you, there is part of you that's thinking like, it's going immediately in the ground.

• 6:25Speaker 02

  No one's getting to look at this.

• 6:26Conan O'Brien?

  No one's getting to look at this thing. So the fact that it has flames painted on the side. And it gets AM FM radio.

• 6:33Speaker 02

  Now, stop attacking my kiss coffin because that is something I hold and I treasure dearly.

• 6:40Conan O'Brien?

  You know, I've seen the kiss coffin.

• 6:42Speaker 02

  Oh, my gosh.

• 6:42Conan O'Brien?

  We had Gene Simmons on the old late night show and he came on with all kiss. He just tried to use my show as an infomercial and he came on with all these, all this kiss stuff.

• 6:53Speaker 02

  I was actually on that show.

• 6:54Conan O'Brien?

  Were you on that show?

• 6:55Speaker 02

  Yes, because I remember the kiss coffin in the hallway.

• 6:57Conan O'Brien?

  It was in the hallway.

• 6:58Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 6:59Conan O'Brien?

  And I was looking at it and I kept trying to talk to him about cool backstage stories and being in a rock band. And he's just like, let's just stick to the merchandise.

• 7:08Conan O'Brien?

  So the coffins you're selling for half price, how can you find that savings? Is it, is it because there's so much up selling that goes on in a normal funeral home?

• 7:20Speaker 03

  That's, that's right. Just the dynamics of somebody making a distressed purchase. They're only not shopping around has led to huge markups on these products. But to your point, they, they all do the same thing. You should not, it's all aesthetics. It's a rectangle. They have the same functionality. You should not overspend on, on these products.

• 7:37Conan O'Brien?

  And there's not a lot of functionality either. I mean, there, it's a box that is out of sight, out of mind.

• 7:44Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 7:44Conan O'Brien?

  I hate to be too graphic about this.

• 7:46Speaker 02

  I don't mind putting a little string and a bell there just in case, you know, I feel like old school style. Just in case you, you know, you wake up, you gotta hit that little.

• 7:53Conan O'Brien?

  Do you know who wanted that?

• 7:54Speaker 02

  Who?

• 7:55Conan O'Brien?

  Uh, George Washington wanted that. His big fear, which was a very common late 18th century fear and early 19th century fear was being buried alive. Because before they were embalming, it was a real possibility. And so he was very worried that he would be buried prematurely. He didn't do, they didn't do the bell, but he did ask that people keep an eye on him for a couple of days and poke him with sticks.

• 8:18Speaker 01

  Wait, is that true?

• 8:19Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah.

• 8:20Speaker 01

  No, poke him with sticks?

• 8:21Conan O'Brien?

  No, I maybe made that part up just for fun and now you've ruined it.

• 8:24Speaker 01

  I'm sorry.

• 8:26Conan O'Brien?

  So Josh, you have this business and this actually, all kidding aside, it does sound like you're really helping people because many people spend a fortune and sometimes spend money they don't even really have, paying all these expenses and. And they don't realize that there's another way to go.

• 8:43Speaker 02

  Yeah, we we try to be a service business. We sell products, but at the end of the day, we we have a team here who's here to guide somebody through a really difficult period. It's incredibly rewarding to run this business.

• 8:55Conan O'Brien?

  Can I ask you about something I've considered and tell me if this would even be possible? But I've discussed this with a couple of people. It may even have come up here. But it's the idea that if I pass away, maybe I'm not put in a casket, or maybe I'm not cremated. Maybe I could be a body on a crime procedural show.

• 9:19Speaker 02

  Oh.

• 9:20Conan O'Brien?

  Do you know what I mean?

• 9:20Speaker 02

  Dream of dreams.

• 9:21Conan O'Brien?

  Found by a jogger.

• 9:22Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 9:23Conan O'Brien?

  Like a jogger's running by and then you cut to the cops and they have their coffee. And it's me, I'm there, and whatever, put some jogging clothes on me. I'll I'll clean up all right.

• 9:32Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 9:33Conan O'Brien?

  But it would be a way that I've continued to work in the business.

• 9:37Speaker 02

  A final performance. Yeah.

• 9:38Conan O'Brien?

  Or more.

• 9:39Speaker 02

  Oh, look, you're saying keep it going. Wow.

• 9:41Conan O'Brien?

  Well, there are probably chemicals that would keep me going. And Weekend at Bernie's, I think, is a documentary.

• 9:48Speaker 02

  That's right. I know two is.

• 9:50Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah.

• 9:52Conan O'Brien?

  But anyway, it's just, or being left in a field, something.

• 9:55Speaker 02

  A scarecrow.

• 9:57Conan O'Brien?

  Yes.

• 9:57Speaker 02

  Ooh.

• 9:58Conan O'Brien?

  I'm kind of scarecrow-y now. Crows do not settle on me.

• 10:02Speaker 02

  You see, that's that would be amazing. I I want to ask Josh about.

• 10:06Conan O'Brien?

  I think Josh left.

• 10:07Speaker 02

  Oh, is that? Josh, no, let's make all this happen. I'm taking notes.

• 10:10Conan O'Brien?

  Josh, Josh realized that these guys are not.

• 10:15Conan O'Brien?

  Are not reputable. I should not be talking to them.

• 10:19Speaker 02

  Is there, I I've seen this a few times where they set up a scene. So it's like somebody, the the image that I'm thinking of is like a woman sitting at a table with a drink and cards and a pack of cigarettes. I've seen that as like a way to do a wake.

• 10:33Conan O'Brien?

  A tableau. Is that, does anyone really do that?

• 10:35Speaker 02

  I think we've reached the edge of my expertise. I've seen a lot of strange things. That is not, I I have a picture of it on my phone because I was, I I.

• 10:42Conan O'Brien?

  What?

• 10:43Speaker 02

  Just for fun.

• 10:44Speaker 01

  Oh, okay, then that explains it.

• 10:47Speaker 02

  But I didn't know if this is a new thing, like creating a tableau.

• 10:50Conan O'Brien?

  I'm gonna back you up here, Paul, and this is, and I don't want to, I wanna go after you.

• 10:55Speaker 02

  Thank you, I know.

• 10:55Conan O'Brien?

  But I have to, because I have also heard of, oh, they've been set up in their bar calounger, and they used to watch, you know, love watching their, you know, Seahawks game, and so that's what we set up, and that's how you can go see them.

• 11:10Speaker 02

  It's like an exhibit in the Smithsonian, instead of like a, it's like a wake, but you're watching them in their, their nice moment.

• 11:15Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah, well, I think Josh made it clear, he's, he's not going anywhere near this.

• 11:19Speaker 02

  Yeah, he's checked out.

• 11:22Speaker 03

  There's no limit to what we'll do.

• 11:23Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah.

• 11:24Speaker 03

  Part of why I reached out, you're a visionary.

• 11:26Speaker 01

  No, no.

• 11:27Speaker 02

  We'll get him in there, there's no limit, and we'll get him in there.

• 11:30Conan O'Brien?

  He's jamming NBA stars into a tiny casket.

• 11:35Speaker 03

  Let's create options.

• 11:36Speaker 02

  I want the Wemby coffin, please.

• 11:39Speaker 03

  That's right.

• 11:41Conan O'Brien?

  Are you, um, at this convention, is there a lot of partying? Is there a lot of partying? Because, you know, I'm gonna say this, because Josh is clearly a very funny, fun guy, he's met you before, Paul, and you only meet with people who are fun and funny.

• 11:55Speaker 02

  I do, and that's like.

• 11:56Conan O'Brien?

  And you, you, you're listening to our podcast, and you're, you're contacting us. So, people always have this feeling that the person at the funeral home is, you know, oh, is just very, like Lurch on The Addams Family, and you're not. I'm guessing you guys really like to party when you get together?

• 12:15Speaker 03

  It, it's hit and miss. I would say I've been in other industries where.

• 12:18Conan O'Brien?

  Okay, you shook your head, you shook your head, no.

• 12:22Speaker 03

  Yeah, I, I don't, I don't, like, there are a lot of fantastic people in this business. I wouldn't say it's the most lively crew of any industry out there.

• 12:30Conan O'Brien?

  It's so funny, because I would think being around death all the time would make you want to be more alive. Does that make sense?

• 12:38Speaker 01

  Oh.

• 12:39Speaker 03

  I, I agree with that, very much so. I, I think spending every day answering the, the call from people or in these moments, it, it really makes you reflect. Um, I don't know if it makes you go out and party, but it certainly makes you appreciate.

• 12:52Speaker 02

  You're not putting the fun back in funeral.

• 12:54Speaker 03

  We are putting the fun in funeral.

• 12:55Speaker 02

  You are, you are.

• 12:56Speaker 03

  It's.

• 12:57Speaker 02

  Oh, I, I get you.

• 12:57Speaker 03

  Yeah, it's not on the streets of Chicago, but.

• 12:59Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah, he calls them funerals.

• 13:02Speaker 03

  That's right. That's, again, taking notes.

• 13:06Conan O'Brien?

  Just try it. Just try one saying, I'm sorry. This is why I came on. I hope you, uh, welcome to this funeral. Just try it. I like a funeral. Funeral sounds nice. Yeah. Yeah, it doesn't seem as dour. Yeah.

• 13:16Speaker 01

  Okay.

• 13:17Conan O'Brien?

  Then we could call. Like carnival. We could call funnel cakes funeral cakes, just to try and switch it back the other way.

• 13:29Conan O'Brien?

  You know, winning an award, that's a big achievement, right?

• 13:32Speaker 01

  Yeah, I love awards.

• 13:32Conan O'Brien?

  Every now and then in life, maybe something nice like that comes your way. Winning them consistently is almost impossible. It just doesn't happen, you know? Well, guess what? Winning five times in six years? You know what that sounds like to me? Sustained excellence.

• 13:46Speaker 01

  Nice.

• 13:47Conan O'Brien?

  Hyundai has done just that, earning the title of America's best SUV brand for 2026 from US News and World Report. You are a very happy Hyundai driver.

• 13:55Speaker 01

  I drive a Hyundai Palisade and I love my car. I love it. I love driving it around.

• 14:00Conan O'Brien?

  I've been tooling around in an Ioniq 5N, which I love. Beautiful car. Well, listen, whether you need an SUV for everyday life, your next big adventure, or extra room for family and friends, Hyundai has an option for you. The Tucson Hybrid is loaded with technology and built for everyday life. The Santa Fe Hybrid's fully capable and ready for adventure. The Palisade, that's yours, right?

• 14:19Speaker 01

  Hello.

• 14:20Conan O'Brien?

  They're gonna rename that the Sona. The Palisade Hybrid, yeah, delivers premium capability and class-leading interior space. With available, I had this memorized, H-Track all-wheel drive, up to an EPA-estimated 619 miles of range on vehicles like the Palisade Hybrid and Hyundai's industry-leading warranty, it's easy to see why Hyundai continues to deliver the quality, innovation, technology, and value drivers expect from an award-winning brand. View US News Best Cars at cars.usnews.com and call 562-314-4603 for complete details.

• 14:53Conan O'Brien?

  Who do you shop for first on the holidays, Sona? Was it, do you shop for the kids or do you shop for Tac?

• 14:58Speaker 01

  My kids.

• 14:58Conan O'Brien?

  Okay, you gotta get them your stuff.

• 15:00Speaker 01

  Or my dog.

• 15:01Conan O'Brien?

  And then your husband is last. Well, guess what? It's that time of year. You feel that, you smell that, uh, that cinnamon cider in the air? Do you smell that?

• 15:10Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 15:11Conan O'Brien?

  And you see pumpkins around, people buying turkeys. Little early to buy a turkey. Doesn't matter. Holidays, I would say it's just around the corner, but that's a cliche. It's, uh, very nearby in the cupboard. Well, guess what? Amazon delivers joy with low prices on the gifts you want, even this early in the season. So get ahead of the season. Shop early gifts, top picks, holiday decor, and advent calendars at low prices. Get ahead, start on holiday gifting with Amazon's low prices. Shop now at amazon.com/holiday.

• 15:47Conan O'Brien?

  Sonja, you have to admit, the holidays, it's really about hanging with the people you love.

• 15:53Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 15:53Conan O'Brien?

  And getting to be yourself. Not going to some stuffy holiday party where you need to conform to what the man wants you to think about the holidays.

• 16:02Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 16:03Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah, it's about being yourself. Turn your holiday time into Miller time by enjoying a Miller Lite in a place where you're free to enjoy yourself. On a walk with a cousin? With a cousin? Why are they getting all specific about?

• 16:13Speaker 01

  Because it's family.

• 16:14Conan O'Brien?

  But what about a niece or a nephew?

• 16:16Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 16:18Conan O'Brien?

  Like a walk with an ex-wife? I don't know. I mean, they're just throwing, that's a weird, they just made a very specific choice.

• 16:25Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 16:25Conan O'Brien?

  Now's the time for those unexpected holiday side guests and enjoy a great tasting light beer. 'Tis Miller time, as Dickens wrote. Miller Lite is brewed for taste, the taste you can depend on. The original light beer since 1975 and still iconic more than 50 years later. I like to be with my bros, my chums, my posse, crack open a Miller Lite, take a swig, a sip, look around and see my friends. We've known each other forever and we're just hanging out.

• 16:53Speaker 01

  Yeah, you guys are just doing chest bumps and high-fiving.

• 16:55Conan O'Brien?

  Miller Lite is great taste done right. Go to millerlite.com/conan to find delivery options near you or you can pick up some Miller Lite pretty much anywhere they sell beer. 'Tis Miller time. Celebrate responsibly. Miller Brewing Company, Milwaukee, Wisconsin. 96 calories and 3.2 carbs per 12 ounces.

• 17:16Conan O'Brien?

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• 18:34Speaker 04

  Josh is, he is trying to put the fun back in vunrelent. He actually sent us all gifts. Josh, do you want to explain what these gifts are?

• 18:42Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah, please.

• 18:43Speaker 03

  Yeah, so about a year ago, we had a visitor at Titan. His name is Mort and he is, we're still getting to know him. He's a little coffin plushy and he, we think in his prior life, he was a funeral director and has now come back to encourage families to plan. He's, he's very cuddly. He was the mascot of the Worcester Red Sox this year. He ran the bases.

• 19:05Conan O'Brien?

  My family's all from Worcester, yes.

• 19:08Speaker 03

  Oh.

• 19:09Conan O'Brien?

  That's the farm team. The farm team is, is in Worcester.

• 19:13Speaker 03

  Yeah, he, he lost the mascot race pretty, pretty badly, but he put in a good effort.

• 19:20Speaker 03

  Died out there.

• 19:24Speaker 03

  And so, yeah.

• 19:25Speaker 04

  Just a quick question. Well, here's the thing, I'm, no, I'm not going to hug a casket.

• 19:32Conan O'Brien?

  I, I.

• 19:33Speaker 02

  Coughing.

• 19:33Conan O'Brien?

  I'm sorry, coughing. Um, you know, uh, it's always been strange to me when, um, you know, if you're watching a commercial and it's for a kind of food, do you know what I mean? Like a hamburger and the hamburger comes out and says, "You'll love me." And whenever the animal is saying, "Please eat me." And Robert Smigel and I once worked on a sketch that we couldn't get onto Saturday Night Live for obvious reasons, but it was a cartoon hot dog and he was saying, "Convert me into shit." And it was all him, and it's him begging to be eaten, ingested, and then excreted into a toilet.

• 20:13Conan O'Brien?

  And, cause it's the nonsense, it's insane that food would be begging you to enjoy consuming it. This, I'm getting the same vibe here with Cascady, which is.

• 20:23Speaker 01

  It's Mort.

• 20:24Speaker 02

  Mort.

• 20:24Conan O'Brien?

  What's, I think Cascady really rolls off the tongue.

• 20:29Speaker 02

  Mort Cascady.

• 20:30Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah, exactly. But he's so happy, he's someone who you think was a funeral director, died, and is enjoying the experience of being dead so much that he's come back to convince other people to die.

• 20:44Speaker 02

  I want you inside of me.

• 20:47Speaker 03

  To plan their funerals, not to die. To plan their funeral.

• 20:50Conan O'Brien?

  Oh, to plan their funeral.

• 20:51Speaker 03

  Yes, not to, not to pass.

• 20:53Conan O'Brien?

  Does he profit?

• 20:54Speaker 03

  He wants you to live.

• 20:55Conan O'Brien?

  He wants you to live, but he's here to remind you that you've only got so much time left.

• 21:00Speaker 03

  Yes.

• 21:01Conan O'Brien?

  Mort. Uh, now let me ask you, this is a question I have to ask. Um, who's selling Mort? Who, who benefits through sales of Mort?

• 21:10Speaker 03

  I mean, we sell, we sell Mort. I would say we, we've given more Mort's away than we, we sell him, but he is for sale on our, our site.

• 21:17Conan O'Brien?

  Mm-hmm.

• 21:18Speaker 03

  He is, he is here to, to help though.

• 21:21Conan O'Brien?

  Do you sell urns as well as caskets?

• 21:24Speaker 03

  Oh, definitely, yeah.

• 21:24Conan O'Brien?

  And what are people looking for in an urn? Cause an urn is a much, I mean, first of all, technically you don't need an urn. Everyone's got jars at home.

• 21:33Speaker 03

  That's right. Yeah, again.

• 21:37Conan O'Brien?

  You just gotta label it. It's like yogurt in the fridge. You gotta label it.

• 21:41Speaker 03

  Exactly.

• 21:42Speaker 02

  Well, I made the mistake I put it in my spice drawer.

• 21:44Conan O'Brien?

  Oh, no. This ham tastes fantastic.

• 21:49Speaker 03

  Everything is aesthetics. It's, uh, what we tell families is to close your eyes and envision the look that you'd love for, for this, uh, for your loved one. And we'll have an option for you in that color, that style, and it will be affordable.

• 22:04Conan O'Brien?

  Oh, wow.

• 22:05Speaker 03

  And so it's, it's really just, are you gonna place it in your home? Are you going to scatter in a place that's meaningful to you? Are you gonna, you can bury and earn and have a place to visit.

• 22:15Speaker 02

  Why would you bury and earn, though? Like, it feels like-

• 22:17Conan O'Brien?

  People do it. I know that. It's quite common. People often bury and earn. First of all, you don't have to get a big plot.

• 22:22Speaker 02

  Okay.

• 22:23Conan O'Brien?

  And it's, uh, it gives you, and you'll probably know the term for this, Josh, but people want a destination. They wanna, they wanna go visit this person. First of all, we all know they do that for about a year or two. And then they drift away and the grave goes untended, but-

• 22:40Speaker 02

  That bell just ringing. Ding ding ding.

• 22:42Conan O'Brien?

  Ding ding ding, ding ding ding, ding ding ding.

• 22:47Conan O'Brien?

  I just shout down into the earth, "You in the ringing!" "Lay off the bell. We'll get to ya. I'm busy." Um, wow.

• 22:58Speaker 01

  It's messed up.

• 22:59Conan O'Brien?

  Josh, I blame you for this whole segment.

• 23:03Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 23:04Conan O'Brien?

  You did this.

• 23:05Speaker 03

  Taken us to a dark place. Bring us, bring us back.

• 23:08Conan O'Brien?

  But you know what? You have, I have to say this, Josh, you have a very, uh, kind face. And you seem very serene, and I think you have the kind of, uh, mean, the kind of, uh, you know, aura that someone should have who's in this business, which is, you know, doesn't he?

• 23:28Speaker 01

  Yeah, you do.

• 23:29Conan O'Brien?

  You seem like you're very sympathetic. You have a lot of empathy.

• 23:32Speaker 01

  Yeah, you've got really kind eyes, and if, when Conan dies, I'll call, I'll call Josh.

• 23:39Conan O'Brien?

  Well, but also-

• 23:40Speaker 01

  A really short casket.

• 23:43Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah, really short.

• 23:43Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 23:44Conan O'Brien?

  I want my legs, I want holes in my legs coming out the-

• 23:47Speaker 02

  To the sides?

• 23:48Conan O'Brien?

  I want, yeah, and then I want them to curl up like the wicked witch.

• 23:54Conan O'Brien?

  I want them to go out and in, out and in, and pulse, like with the pulsing music. Have pulsing music playing and my legs are going.

• 24:03Conan O'Brien?

  It's Diplo.

• 24:07Speaker 03

  This is your official funeral plan.

• 24:10Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah.

• 24:10Speaker 03

  Unless you have it written down elsewhere, this podcast will.

• 24:13Conan O'Brien?

  Well, sir, this will serve that I want Josh to handle it all. He'll get me in there. He'll cram me in.

• 24:19Speaker 03

  Perfect. One way or another.

• 24:23Conan O'Brien?

  I want, I want nothing to do with Mort. Mort's, uh, why is Mort wearing a bow tie? Who made that?

• 24:29Speaker 03

  He's a funeral director. He's very, this is a profession that people wear suits.

• 24:32Speaker 02

  He stole it off a dead body.

• 24:38Conan O'Brien?

  Please, let's not bring up grave robbing. I think that's taboo subject. I don't know, Josh. I, I, you've got me thinking about a lot of stuff right now. There's a lot to consider here.

• 24:50Speaker 03

  Yes.

• 24:50Conan O'Brien?

  I do think we are a society that has largely removed all thinking about death. It's been removed from, you know, advertising has scrubbed away elderly. It's not discussed.

• 25:04Speaker 02

  Right.

• 25:05Conan O'Brien?

  So this is important. This podcast is a way for people to really think about the dead, death, and what preparations they want to make. And that leads me to my next question. Have you ever suspected someone of murder because they came in and started asking about caskets before the person died?

• 25:27Speaker 03

  I, I remember one person asked me about buying caskets in bulk from Costco.

• 25:33Speaker 03

  That's my prime suspect.

• 25:34Conan O'Brien?

  Oh, well, I sympathize with this fellow. He must have many people he's angry with. I love a guy who's really worried about, I want to kill them all, but I've got to take care of their arrangements.

• 25:46Speaker 02

  By the way, I like, this is like an hour-long procedural. The funeral director who solves murders, like, he's like, "I know it was foul play."

• 25:53Speaker 01

  Oh my god.

• 25:54Conan O'Brien?

  That's right. Yeah, people, that's a good procedural.

• 25:56Speaker 02

  That would be great.

• 25:57Conan O'Brien?

  If this becomes a show, Josh, you participate in the profits. Yeah, funeral director who, just, something's off. He's really good at being a funeral director, but bodies come in.

• 26:08Speaker 02

  They say it's natural causes, but this is very suspicious.

• 26:11Conan O'Brien?

  But he's not a forensic scientist. He's not, he's not, uh, yeah.

• 26:16Speaker 02

  He's just a funeral director. He's like, uh, like, uh, Murder She Wrote. It's like that. It's just like a small town. People are dying unexpectedly.

• 26:23Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah, and I think what happens is when the body comes in and it's got a large harpoon through it. And other people are saying it's a heart attack. This person's like, "I just don't know." And they have that Columbo thing of they're, they're very nice and they're just asking questions, but clearly, that's their, their way of getting the truth.

• 26:40Speaker 02

  And then, uh, at the end, they go, "Well, yeah, yeah, we knew it was murder. We just didn't tell you. You're just doing the funeral directing, so, yeah, you didn't need to know that."

• 26:46Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah.

• 26:46Speaker 02

  "Oh, okay, well, sure, yeah."

• 26:48Conan O'Brien?

  The police, no, the police said, "Did you hear that?" It was in the paper three weeks ago and they caught the guy.

• 26:52Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah.

• 26:53Conan O'Brien?

  It wasn't a murder.

• 26:54Speaker 02

  He had a harpoon through his chest. Yeah, you knew, yeah, yeah.

• 26:56Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah. So why are you acting like this is a show? It's not a show, you asshole. All right, Josh.

• 27:03Speaker 01

  Wait, uh, Josh, do you have a question for Conan before we go?

• 27:06Conan O'Brien?

  We may have answered it with all my funeral babble.

• 27:08Speaker 03

  Absolutely. As a, as a funeral visionary, Conan, um, we designed the perfect casket for you. What would that, what would that look like? Cause we, we would love to do that.

• 27:19Conan O'Brien?

  My casket? You know, I went, I went to Ghana, where the people, and the people of Ghana are brilliant at making custom caskets. It's a tradition they've had for a long time and, I mean, beautiful woodworking where they'll make, uh, if, if the person was really into a certain kind of beer, the, the casket will be a giant, you know, six-foot beer bottle that's beautifully rendered. And, um, so they asked me, it's an episode of, uh, Conan O'Brien Must Go, or no, it was, I think Conan Without Borders.

• 27:53Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 27:53Conan O'Brien?

  Uh, also available on the same streaming service, HBO Max. But anyway, uh, I go, you can see me go to Ghana and they ask me about my casket and I say that I want to be able to watch myself for all eternity. And they built me a casket with a TV that faces in and I get in it and they close it and I can watch on a loop.

• 28:13Speaker 04

  Wow.

• 28:13Conan O'Brien?

  My shows from, you know, the 90s and 2000s and stuff on a steady, steady stream.

• 28:19Speaker 04

  And the shape is you.

• 28:21Conan O'Brien?

  Yes.

• 28:21Speaker 04

  It's a giant you.

• 28:22Conan O'Brien?

  And it's, oh, I forgot. I buried the lead. Hello, homerun. But I, I get inside me and we can post this photo along with, Blay, what's the lingo here?

• 28:36Speaker 04

  Uh, just a little, uh, Team Coco podcast on Instagram.

• 28:39Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah, and then we'll post the photo of my casket and I brought it back. We have it here somewhere. Yeah. We really do. We have it in storage. So, sir, no sale. I'm all taken care of.

• 28:55Conan O'Brien?

  I tied up all your time and I already own my casket.

• 28:59Speaker 03

  It's okay. I was stealing all the ideas we talked about.

• 29:03Conan O'Brien?

  All right, well, we're gonna get in touch with you about this. We're gonna get in touch with you about this TV show because I think Paul's got a winner here. And I love the idea that the police already had it solved.

• 29:12Speaker 03

  They've already solved it.

• 29:13Conan O'Brien?

  Every week, every week. What are you talking about? Just, just do your job and shut up. Hey, Josh, thank you so much. Really nice talking to you.

• 29:22Speaker 03

  You too, Conan. Can I say one nice thing before we go?

• 29:25Conan O'Brien?

  If it's nice, of course.

• 29:26Speaker 03

  It, I thought, I feel like this was a little, but when I was, uh, humor was really important to my family growing up. And there was nothing more thrilling to me than when my, uh, I saw my dad laughing at something that I like.

• 29:36Conan O'Brien?

  Mm-hmm.

• 29:36Speaker 03

  And that was often The Simpsons when you were there.

• 29:38Conan O'Brien?

  Oh, thank you.

• 29:40Speaker 03

  I have kids and we listen to your podcast and watch Moscow and Without Borders. And I see my kids watching me laugh at your show. And I just think that you've, uh, no one's made me laugh more in my life than you and

• 29:52Conan O'Brien?

  Oh, wow.

• 29:52Speaker 03

  The generational impact you had as a-

• 29:54Conan O'Brien?

  Hey, Josh, that means, that means the world to me. Thank you. I'm, I'm ecstatic that that's true. Um, and I will tell you, I lost both my parents last December. One of the things I think about a lot is that I would watch TV with my dad and I would clock what he laughed at. And he really loved, um, Johnny Carson when he would do Karnak. So I had this- Very strong memory of watching my dad, watching this, this very silly man in a giant hat, doing really funny jokes on a late night show. And that was imprinted on my DNA.

• 30:34Conan O'Brien?

  I know it was. And so I get what you're saying, and I'm thrilled that that's true. And we're gonna just keep trying to make more idiocy for you and your children. And you know what? Screw it. I'm getting, I'm selling the Ghana casket.

• 30:48Speaker 02

  What? No!

• 30:49Conan O'Brien?

  And I'm going with Josh now. Okay, Josh? Yeah. I'll be up there. I'll come up there and we'll pick up something amazing. And I'm gonna spend, spend, spend. I wanna be buried in a Bugatti.

• 31:02Conan O'Brien?

  That's running. And you have to keep refueling it at the cemetery.

• 31:08Conan O'Brien?

  I'm coming, Josh. Thank you, Josh. Take care.

• 31:11Speaker 03

  Thank you so much. Great to meet you.

• 31:15Speaker 05

  Conan O'Brien Needs a Fan with Conan O'Brien, Sonam of Sessian, and Matt Gourley. Produced by me, Matt Gourley. Executive produced by Adam Sachs, Jeff Ross, and Nick Liao. Incidental music by Jimmy Vivino. Take it away, Jimmy.

• 31:32Speaker 05

  Supervising producer, Aaron Blair. Associate talent producer, Jennifer Samples. Associate producers, Sean Dougherty and Lisa Bern. Engineering by Eduardo Perez. Get three free months of SiriusXM when you sign up at siriusxm.com/conan. Please rate, review, and subscribe to Conan O'Brien Needs a Fan wherever fine podcasts are done.

• 32:01Speaker 06

  This podcast is supported by Nurtac ODT, Remedy Pant. We know you didn't ask for an interruption, but migraine doesn't wait for the right moment to interrupt either. It just barges in, takes your time, and throws everything off. So when migraine takes your time, take Nurtac. It's for the acute treatment of migraine with or without aura in adults. Nurtac can provide pain relief in two hours, which can last up to two days. Ask your healthcare provider if Nurtac is right for you, because your time is for you, not migraine. Don't take if allergic to Nurtac ODT. Allergic reactions can occur even days after use. Get help right away for trouble breathing, rash, swelling of face, mouth, tongue, or throat. High blood pressure and Raynaud's syndrome can occur. Get help for high blood pressure, numbness, coolness, pain, or color changes in fingers

• 32:46Speaker 06

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• 33:00Speaker 07

  Time for a quick break to talk about McDonald's. It's the tangiest time of the year. For a limited time, head to McDonald's and get a McRib sandwich. Make it a meal by adding a medium fries and a soft drink like an ice cold Diet Dr. Pepper. So grab a McRib sandwich and embrace the tang. Save time by ordering ahead on the app at participating McDonald's for a limited time. Dr. Pepper is a registered trademark of Dr. Pepper, 7-Up, Inc.