13 Ways You Can Start Building A Stronger Relationship TODAY

Leave an Amazon Rating or Review for my New York Times Bestselling book, Make Money Easy! Martha Higareda Howes, my beautiful wife, joins me to break down the relationship principles that transformed our marriage preparation process. We dive deep into "13 Things Mentally Strong Couples Don't Do" by Amy Morin, sharing raw stories about boundary setting, emotional weaponization, and the dangerous trap of trying to fix your partner. Martha opens up about overcoming patterns from a previous narcissistic relationship and learning to communicate without walking on eggshells. You'll walk away with the exact tools we use to have conversations that actually strengthen our bond instead of tearing it apart. Buy Amy’s book 13 Things Mentally Strong Couples Don't Do: Fix What's Broken, Develop Healthier Patterns, and Grow Stronger TogetherMartha on InstagramMartha on YouTubeThe Greatness Mindset: Unlock the Power of Your Mind and Live Your Best Life TodayThe Mask of Masculinity: How Men Can Embrace Vulnerability, Create Strong Relationships, and Live Their Fullest LivesThe School of Greatness: A Real-World Guide to Living Bigger, Loving Deeper, and Leaving a LegacyIn this episode you will learn:How ignoring small problems creates massive resentment and the simple phrase that stops this patternThe difference between healthy boundaries and people-pleasing that destroys relationshipsWhy trying to fix your partner puts you above them and creates mutual resentmentHow to communicate emotions without weaponizing them through conscious conflict resolutionThe appreciation formula that makes both partners want to give more in the relationshipFor more information go to https://www.lewishowes.com/1797For more Greatness text PODCAST to +1 (614) 350-3960More SOG episodes we think you’ll love:Lewis and Martha – greatness.lnk.to/1788SCMatthew Hussey – greatness.lnk.to/1782SCEsther Perel – greatness.lnk.to/1686SC Get more from Lewis! Get my New York Times Bestselling book, Make Money Easy! Get The Greatness Mindset audiobook on SpotifyText Lewis AIYouTubeInstagramWebsiteTiktokFacebookX

Speaker names marked ? are inferred from speaking time and the show’s known hosts — they are not voice-verified.

• 0:00Lewis Howes?

  Welcome back, my friends. I'm excited about today's episode. It is all about 13 different ways you can start building a stronger, happier, healthier relationship today. And I've got my wife on, Martha Igarreta, how's in the house? I'm excited. We break down one of our favorite books because a lot of people have been asking us, now that we're married, now that we have a baby on the way, a lot of people are asking us, how did you get into your relationship? How did you create a foundation for your relationship? You know, how did you eliminate challenges and adversities that were unnecessary early on in the relationship? All these different things. And I preface this by saying, in no way have we been married for 20 years and have all

• 0:45Lewis Howes?

  the answers. We are not this relationship expert couple coming out here talking about how we coach people on this. This is our own personal experience, and this is a process that we went through. We went through years of almost every single month, doing some type of workshop together, some type of therapy, coaching, reading a book, and really diving in into the uncomfortable conversations in a conscious way about our values, about our vision, about our lifestyle. And even then, it doesn't mean we're going to have a perfect relationship, and there's not going to be some type of challenges or adversities that we need to face head on.

• 1:26Lewis Howes?

  But we have created such a solid foundation to this point, to be able to have peace rather than daily stress. Whereas in my previous relationships, I had daily stress and once in a blue moon, peace. And I don't know if you have ever experienced that in a relationship before, or maybe you're struggling in a relationship right now, and you're just trying to figure out, how can we create more harmony together as a unit, as a team, as a couple? If you're dating, if you're married, whatever it might be, how can we create more unity, harmony, and love together? And this book is called 13 Things Mentally Strong Couples Don't Do by Amy Morin, is something that we break

• 2:10Lewis Howes?

  Breakdown in today's episode. It's one of the books we went through. We went through many different books. Because we love these type of books as we started dating because it forced us to ask the tough questions upfront, not just, oh, let's have fun and just, you know, hang out and, you know, be connected to each other and go on trips and have this honeymoon phase, but within the first week, we were talking about some of the challenging conversations that struggle within relationships if you don't address them and create conscious agreements. Conversations around money, around family, around kids, around religion, around

• 2:49Lewis Howes?

  past history, around future dreams, around all these different things. So values, vision and lifestyle. These things need to match up and at least be in alignment, or you at least be, you at least need to be willing to accept the other person's value, vision and lifestyle. And they need to be in alignment with you so they work and mesh as a unit and as a new family. If you're building a relationship, getting married, you are starting a new family and essentially leaving your old family of origin. You're creating a new family together. And it takes you creating those shared values and having uncomfortable, yet very cautious conversations to create agreements

• 3:31Lewis Howes?

  of the marriage or the relationship you're looking to create together. And again, just because you do all these things, doesn't mean you're not going to have some type of challenges. So we are not some, you know, 30 year therapist, relationship coach, experts here giving you, you know, research that we've gone through personally and coached all these people. That's not what this is. But this is our understanding of what we've been through to create harmony and peace in a beautiful relationship for us where every day we look at each other, I kid you not, every day, even if we have some argument or disagreement or whatever it might be, every day we're able to share appreciation and gratitude for one another and come back to that, those foundations, those agreements. And so we talk about why mentally strong couples.

• 4:18Lewis Howes?

  Don't ignore their problems and how to confront challenges with love, with compassion. Now, listen, I'm a, you know, I'm an impatient human being by nature. And so I've had to condition and train myself to listen better, to be more patient, to do all these things. And it's been a beautiful process. And in doing so, you have to learn how to transform your inner world, which is not easy all the time, to improve, to serve the unit, to serve the relationship, to serve the family in a way where it needs it the most. That means leading yourself to lead the relationship. We talk about the importance of developing healthy relationship habits before issues arise.

• 5:01Lewis Howes?

  Again, me and Martha were going to therapy in the beginning of our relationship, not because something was wrong or broken or there was problems. It was the opposite. It was going amazing. And I said, you know what? I want to keep the amazing going. I want to keep the healthy conversations going. So let's proactively go to therapy together just to figure out future. How can we navigate stresses, adversities, challenges together? And when stress or adversity arises, because it will, whether it be internally or externally, how are we going to face it together? And it doesn't mean, again, that it's some perfect way of navigating challenges every single time these things arise,

• 5:44Lewis Howes?

  but we have a foundation of shared conversations and shared agreements. And I think at the end of the day, that alone makes us mutually respect and appreciate, respect and appreciate one another for being willing to do that work early on. We talk about all these things and more. I'm very excited about it. I hope you enjoy this episode. If you can, please share it with a couple of your friends, whether it be a friend of yours that you know is in a relationship. Share it with your partner and listen to these different practices as well, and go back and forth and talking about them together in your relationship. If you have couples that you know who are friends of yours, send it to your couple friends and say, hey, I would love your thoughts on this episode with Lewis Howes and Martha.

• 6:28Lewis Howes?

  About 13 ways you can start building a strong relationship today. I'm very excited. I hope you enjoy this. Let's go ahead and dive in. What we wanted to do today with everyone watching and listening is break down one of the books that we went through that really supported us in a big way. And this book is called 13 Things Mentally Strong Couples Don't Do. It's by Amy Morin and the subtext is fix what's broken, develop healthier patterns, and grow stronger together. And I don't think we ever had anything to fix. It wasn't like we had something broken because we were starting the relationship and creating agreements and getting alignment and all these different things. But I think developing healthy patterns is something we were doing and also finding

• 7:13Lewis Howes?

  ways to grow stronger together. But also, we wanted to make sure we weren't doing wrong things that,

• 7:19Martha Higareda?

  Yeah.

• 7:20Lewis Howes?

  you know, mentally strong couples don't do. And so, we went through this, this book a while ago. And we wanted to break down step by step, the different things that mentally strong couples do not do. So I'm gonna let you hold the book.

• 7:34Martha Higareda?

  Thank you.

• 7:35Lewis Howes?

  And Amy Morin wrote this book and I think it's sold over a million copies. So this is a very powerful book that a lot of people have loved and has, has supported people in creating healthier relationships. And again, we're coming from this, from the context, this is a book that we went through. It's a process we went through. And it's really an opportunity to reflect on what's working or what's not working in your relationship. And even if you're not in a relationship, it's thinking about how can I just become mentally stronger in general as a human being? If I'm single, if I'm intimate with someone, if I'm married, if we're dating. And the first thing that I think, that she talks about that I think is really important is she says that mentally strong couples, they don't ignore their problems.

• 8:19Martha Higareda?

  Yes.

• 8:20Lewis Howes?

  Because if you ignore or sweep under the rug your problem, something is always gonna be like festering, something's gonna be resentful, and you're always gonna be frustrated with one another.

• 8:30Martha Higareda?

  Yeah.

• 8:31Lewis Howes?

  And I think it's, it's such a great place to start because this is something I think we do well. And even, we are reminded when we don't do it well. Even like last week, you had something on your mind. I don't even remember what it was.

• 8:45Martha Higareda?

  I don't remember what it was, I was just thinking about it.

• 8:46Lewis Howes?

  It doesn't really matter what it is, but you had something on your mind that you didn't speak up about, that you were like, it's not like I did something wrong,

• 8:53Martha Higareda?

  No.

• 8:53Lewis Howes?

  or you did something wrong, but it was something that was like bothering you.

• 8:56Martha Higareda?

  Yeah.

• 8:56Lewis Howes?

  That you just didn't communicate about.

• 8:58Martha Higareda?

  Yeah.

• 8:58Lewis Howes?

  And you're like, ah, why is like my, I'm getting like a headache and my back and my neck is feeling like a little tension and painful. And every time that's happened for you, which is maybe like three times in the last few years.

• 9:09Martha Higareda?

  Yeah.

• 9:10Lewis Howes?

  It's because you haven't spoken up.

• 9:12Martha Higareda?

  Yes.

• 9:12Lewis Howes?

  And there's a problem in your mind. Whether it's an actual problem or not, which this wasn't a problem we had, but it was something you're just like, I just feel like I needed to talk about. But you ignored it for like two days.

• 9:24Martha Higareda?

  Yes.

• 9:24Lewis Howes?

  And you started to feel this.

• 9:25Martha Higareda?

  More, it was like a whole week. I'm trying to remember what it was. Because it wasn't important, like meaning it wasn't important in the way.

• 9:32Lewis Howes?

  Wasn't an issue, but it was.

• 9:33Martha Higareda?

  Wasn't an issue for us, but it was something that.

• 9:35Lewis Howes?

  Was bothering you, was like concerning you and you just wanted to.

• 9:38Martha Higareda?

  Concerning me.

• 9:39Lewis Howes?

  You just wanted to talk about it.

• 9:40Martha Higareda?

  Yeah.

• 9:40Lewis Howes?

  And once you did, you're like, oh, I feel better.

• 9:42Martha Higareda?

  Yes. And it was such an easy conversation.

• 9:44Lewis Howes?

  And it was easy conversation. And so it's, it's ignoring your problems is going to become a bigger problem in your life. Whether you're single or in a relationship.

• 9:54Martha Higareda?

  Yeah.

• 9:54Lewis Howes?

  And when we can create a healthy space of, hey, if there's ever an issue, let's address it sooner than later. Cause we don't address it sooner, it's going to be a problem later.

• 10:08Martha Higareda?

  I want to say it, that's a thing that I, that I've had to work with, that I really had to work with myself.

• 10:15Lewis Howes?

  Why?

• 10:15Martha Higareda?

  It's not, it's not the, like, I don't ignore the problems. It in my life in general, before I met you, but specifically because of the previous relationship.

• 10:27Martha Higareda?

  It was very hard for me to think about how to bring up a subject. Now regardless, like, you know, you know, people in the past that I was with was diagnosed with narcissistic personality disorder. So it makes you, as in the other end of the receiving of that type of personality. It makes you very worried about how to bring up a subject. Because you start walking on eggshells as a normal pattern in your life.

• 10:53Lewis Howes?

  Yes.

• 10:53Martha Higareda?

  So then what happens is, you know, I remember even when we started dating and we talked about it recently. For me to bring up something that I was feeling like, um, this, you know, it doesn't feel, whatever it was the feeling, even even if it was a tiny feeling, I would think so much about how to bring it up, how to mention it, because I wasn't sure how you were going to react, because I had come from con- from a conditioned way of thinking every everything, even the slightest little thing is gonna create a blow up. You know, from you, from in the past. So then I was like, kinda like.

• 11:30Lewis Howes?

  Worried.

• 11:31Martha Higareda?

  Very worried about how to anxious, worried about how to bring it up without making you upset, or, you know, thinking that there was something wrong, when maybe it wasn't even anything wrong.

• 11:42Lewis Howes?

  Yeah.

• 11:43Martha Higareda?

  So I I used to do this thing before that, because I was conditioned that way, that instead of talking about what the problem was, I would walk around the bushes and come up with all these different examples of all these different people. Remember that?

• 11:58Lewis Howes?

  Yeah.

• 11:59Martha Higareda?

  How do we call it? The salt and pepper example?

• 12:02Lewis Howes?

  We were sitting at a restaurant one time, and you were like, okay, I wanna tell you a story. And imagine the salt is this thing, and the pepper is this thing.

• 12:08Martha Higareda?

  And I am the pepper.

• 12:09Lewis Howes?

  And this is the salt. And I was like, just tell me what the issue is. I was like, you don't need to explain some elaborate story analogies.

• 12:16Martha Higareda?

  Yeah.

• 12:16Lewis Howes?

  Just, it's okay, just tell me what's going on.

• 12:18Martha Higareda?

  Yes, yes.

• 12:19Lewis Howes?

  And some people, and and again, we had to learn how to create an environment and a safety where, hey, if there's something on your mind, I want you to tell me. But just, let's learn how to communicate these things. In the previous episode, we talked about conscious conflict resolution.

• 12:36Martha Higareda?

  Yeah.

• 12:37Lewis Howes?

  Which was like, when something in your mind say, hey, listen, there's something on my mind that I really wanna talk about. And it's something that's upsetting me, and it doesn't need to be a big deal. Maybe it is a big deal, but I wanna talk about it openly and lovingly, and I wanna be curious about it. Not coming from a place of, you did this, you're wrong.

• 12:53Martha Higareda?

  No.

• 12:54Lewis Howes?

  I can't believe you, and and shame on you. Cause that's not gonna create a healthy resolution.

• 13:00Martha Higareda?

  And also, it's gonna put the other person in the fence.

• 13:02Lewis Howes?

  Yeah.

• 13:02Martha Higareda?

  It's like, listen, you're calling me all these different things. I know I'm a nice person.

• 13:06Lewis Howes?

  Yeah, exactly. And so I was just like, all we need to do, just tell me what's going on.

• 13:11Martha Higareda?

  Yeah.

• 13:11Lewis Howes?

  Just say it. You don't have to tell a long elaborate story and analogies.

• 13:14Martha Higareda?

  Yes.

• 13:15Lewis Howes?

  Let's get to it.

• 13:16Martha Higareda?

  Yeah.

• 13:17Lewis Howes?

  And if we can agree on how to communicate.

• 13:22Lewis Howes?

  Issues or problems in a healthy way where it's fair. We both can receive it, then it should be fine. So instead of waiting for weeks or months to say, you did this and it hurt me.

• 13:34Martha Higareda?

  Yeah, no, no.

• 13:35Lewis Howes?

  It's gonna cause more pain inside of you and resentment in you as well. Cause you're not communicating it. And instead of saying, you did this right away and making the other person wrong. Because of some problem or issue, just come to it and say, hey, something is on my heart and on my mind and I want to talk about it.

• 13:51Martha Higareda?

  Yes.

• 13:51Lewis Howes?

  And I want to talk about it and I want you to feel good and me to feel good throughout it and at the end. Are you open to that? You know, having this open conversation, it's not easy when you're stressed out and anxious about it. But I think if you set that from the beginning, it will make these problems be easier to manage.

• 14:08Martha Higareda?

  Yeah.

• 14:09Lewis Howes?

  As opposed to sweeping it under the rug.

• 14:11Martha Higareda?

  There's a, there's, I think there's an easy example that I can think of. And, and she does very well explaining in the book. Different examples that she has with patients and in therapy and all of that, but bringing it home.

• 14:25Martha Higareda?

  I'm just gonna give an example, there was a time in which grandpa was very, very ill at the hospital. Right? And it was the first time he had ever been at the hospital. And for some reason, everybody flew in in the city, you know, because everybody thought this is it, grandpa's gonna die. And I was stuck in Mexico shooting um, a movie. And I couldn't come here, so I was helping my mom in between takes. Translate what the doctors were saying and all of that. And I was like, ah, panic mode. And I had, I told you. I'm struggling with this thing with grandpa, blah, blah, blah. Then the day went by and later, like hours and hours later.

• 15:06Martha Higareda?

  You texted me a photo of a frame of a, you know, picture, do you remember this? And you said, hey, what do you, do you think we should buy this picture for our home, like this um.

• 15:16Lewis Howes?

  Picture frame?

• 15:16Martha Higareda?

  Piece of art.

• 15:17Lewis Howes?

  Okay.

• 15:17Martha Higareda?

  Piece of art from our home. And I remember, because this is the thing. One has to train ourselves, like we have to train ourselves. When you are in panic mode, or in, you know, in whatever, any of these modes, it's easier for your brain to go into thinking badly, very quickly, of your partner or of anybody. Very quick, it's easier because you don't have the normal filters that you have in life of like, giving the benefit of the doubt to the other person, like thinking they're coming from a good place. No, you're in panic mode. And so sometimes what happens is that, you know, this thing activates in you, that no matter what happens, you're, it's almost like you're not, you're not yourself at that moment.

• 16:00Martha Higareda?

  And in my mind, immediately I went to, how insensitive. I can't believe he's not checking in with me to say, hey, how's your grandpa doing? I don't care about a piece of art. What is it? So it's easy to go there. What is he thinking? I don't understand, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. And I watched it. It's almost like, I, thank God, I had the ability at that moment to step out and watch these thoughts unfold inside of me. And the other side of me, that is the part of me that is conscious, was like, I know Louis.

• 16:36Martha Higareda?

  Reason number one, we've never been in this situation. He doesn't know how to deal with this, perhaps. Maybe he's sending me this to distract myself, so I don't, I'm not overly stressed or thinking about this. Another option, he forgot. And that's okay, you know? Like, there's so many options, A, B, C, D, you can think before thinking the worst case scenario

• 17:00Lewis Howes?

  Right.

• 17:01Martha Higareda?

  of a person that loves you, right?

• 17:03Lewis Howes?

  Yeah, I think it's, it's asking what you need. Just saying, hey, here's what I would love, you know, I'm going through this right now, I'd love for you, or you're not getting what you need, ask for it.

• 17:11Martha Higareda?

  Yes, and this is exactly what happened. So I remember I went through that. And I, I just said to myself, you know what? No, he was just either any of these option A, B, and C and D, before this last, last option, right? Because in general, in our relationship, I know you are thoughtful, you are caring, you are loving, you, like, you do all these things naturally. So why would I think, oh,

• 17:33Lewis Howes?

  Yeah.

• 17:34Martha Higareda?

  malevolously, just today, he decided to hurt me the most

• 17:39Lewis Howes?

  Exactly.

• 17:39Martha Higareda?

  by thinking in sending this message to me, so then I would feel hurt. That's not, that, what is that, right?

• 17:46Lewis Howes?

  Exactly.

• 17:46Martha Higareda?

  So. But I still had it inside of me and I didn't know how to bring it up. Right? Because it's still kind of affected me.

• 17:54Lewis Howes?

  Mm hmm.

• 17:54Martha Higareda?

  And so um and I remember we had a very beautiful conversation about it. It was really short. That's the thing. It doesn't need to be too long. And he was like. You know, love. This happened. And I felt this way, you know, because I said. You're I started with like, you're always very thoughtful.

• 18:15Lewis Howes?

  Uh huh. But you weren't yesterday.

• 18:17Martha Higareda?

  But which is why it surprised me.

• 18:19Lewis Howes?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 18:20Martha Higareda?

  That you know, yesterday that it was such a hard thing. You you know, it felt like you weren't, but I know. It probably was any of these reasons, but I just want to let you know. And you said to me. What do you need from me? And I'll.

• 18:31Lewis Howes?

  Yeah.

• 18:32Martha Higareda?

  I'll do what you need right now.

• 18:33Lewis Howes?

  Exactly. And for me, you know, and that I can't remember exactly the whole situation, but I remember you telling me what happened on the phone and me being like. I'm so sorry you're going through this and listening to you. And then. You know, after however many, I don't know, ten, twenty minutes, the conversation was done and you went back to your family.

• 18:49Martha Higareda?

  Yeah.

• 18:50Lewis Howes?

  For me, I'm like, I'm being present. I'm listening to you. It's what you need. Okay. I'm kind of helpless in the meantime, like, what can I do?

• 18:57Martha Higareda?

  Yeah.

• 18:58Lewis Howes?

  And I also went through a similar situation where my my grandfather back in the day was like in and out of the hospital. For I don't know, different years as he was getting older. And inside of me, I'm also like, oh, this is the first time. I know he's okay. In my heart, I was like, he's okay. I know he's okay.

• 19:16Martha Higareda?

  Yeah.

• 19:17Lewis Howes?

  Like, I know what they're talking about and I know he's okay. And so I I just wasn't thinking other than that to be like, let me check in every ten minutes to make sure. How are you feeling? How are you feeling? When when the whole family is in chaos.

• 19:30Martha Higareda?

  Yeah, the whole family.

• 19:31Lewis Howes?

  How are you feeling? How you feel? Are you okay? Uh it's like. I know people just need to go through their process.

• 19:36Martha Higareda?

  Yeah.

• 19:37Lewis Howes?

  And then at night, I can ask you, how are you feeling? But you know, I'm also not the guy who's gonna be texting every hour. I hope you're okay in this month.

• 19:45Martha Higareda?

  It was a really good conversation because because I got to express myself in a conscious way.

• 19:50Lewis Howes?

  And say what you needed.

• 19:51Martha Higareda?

  Because but this is the thing, this is why I think it's important to take space. Like if if you react immediately to however you're feeling and especially in this situation, there was a hospital situation. You're most likely gonna react poorly.

• 20:07Lewis Howes?

  Yeah.

• 20:07Martha Higareda?

  It's in my mind, I was thinking this. So then I took my time. So that was good. Then I approached the conversation by saying to you.

• 20:14Lewis Howes?

  Is what I need.

• 20:15Martha Higareda?

  No, before that, it was saying to you like, you you're so thoughtful. You do all of these things and you do. And then then I then I told you, hey.

• 20:25Lewis Howes?

  But you didn't do this today.

• 20:26Martha Higareda?

  It was just.

• 20:26Lewis Howes?

  And it felt weird, yeah.

• 20:28Martha Higareda?

  Then I told you how I felt. So it was not like, oh, you ignored me the whole day. I don't know. I'm just saying words. But instead of that, it was like, I I felt alone. Could you please check in with me more?

• 20:41Lewis Howes?

  Yeah, and I was like, I'm sorry, I didn't mean to make you feel alone. It's not my intention.

• 20:45Martha Higareda?

  It was not your, I know it. What we tend to assume is the other person's intention.

• 20:49Lewis Howes?

  And when you communicate and say, tomorrow, can you check in with me a couple of times throughout the day? Then I know what to do.

• 20:55Martha Higareda?

  Yes.

• 20:55Lewis Howes?

  What you need.

• 20:56Martha Higareda?

  Yes.

• 20:57Lewis Howes?

  If you don't communicate it, you're just gonna be frustrated.

• 21:04Martha Higareda?

  Then there's the other thing very quickly. When it says, don't, they don't ignore their problems. Another thing that sometimes happens and and it doesn't happen with us, but I've heard it happening to other people. Is when people have a problem. And they sweep it under the rug and they never get to talk about it.

• 21:22Lewis Howes?

  They don't get to the root of it.

• 21:24Martha Higareda?

  They don't get to the root of it or to try to understand. They, let's say, they explode with each other. Something happens. It becomes an argument. Nobody says I'm sorry. And then they behave the next day or even like a few hours later. Like it never happens.

• 21:38Lewis Howes?

  They don't address to the root of it.

• 21:40Martha Higareda?

  What do you think that creates?

• 21:43Lewis Howes?

  I mean.

• 21:44Martha Higareda?

  For you, I mean, if you think about it.

• 21:46Lewis Howes?

  I feel frustrated, be like, why, why did we just argue? And we just swept on the rug and we never got to the result of it. We never got to like a solution. I'd feel. I feel a little anxious. I'd feel frustrated. I feel resentful, all these things. That's how I would feel. I'd be like. I need to talk about this. If you don't want to talk about it, then what are we doing?

• 22:06Martha Higareda?

  Right.

• 22:07Lewis Howes?

  It'd be frustrating. It's like I didn't have a partner, you know, so.

• 22:11Martha Higareda?

  And what happens when they talk about it constantly? Or let's say not frequently, but you've brought up something and you brought up something. And it doesn't get addressed. They say, yeah, yeah, I hear you. I'm here for you. I understand, blah, blah, blah. And it continues to happen.

• 22:26Lewis Howes?

  It'd be tough.

• 22:27Martha Higareda?

  It'd be tough. Yes, but this happens. This happens in relationships.

• 22:31Lewis Howes?

  Yeah.

• 22:31Martha Higareda?

  Yeah.

• 22:33Lewis Howes?

  Thirteen things mentally strong couples don't do. That's one of them. They don't ignore their problems. Um, the next thing is, I'm not going to go through all thirteen of these probably. I'm going to pick a few of them. The next one is they don't keep secrets.

• 22:44Martha Higareda?

  Oh, that's a good one.

• 22:46Lewis Howes?

  Why? Do you think married couples or couples should keep any secrets?

• 22:52Martha Higareda?

  I think should keep any secrets?

• 22:54Lewis Howes?

  Do you think couples or married couples should keep any secrets? Is there any secrets you should keep?

• 23:00Martha Higareda?

  I don't think so. I don't think so. I think there's two different aspects here. One is.

• 23:08Martha Higareda?

  How do I say this?

• 23:11Martha Higareda?

  Being absolutely completely transparent about everything you do and say and think, that's one thing. And another thing is being honest, which I think is different.

• 23:23Lewis Howes?

  So should you be one or the other?

• 23:26Martha Higareda?

  I think there's some things, for example, there are thoughts or things that can harm the other person. That you, you might as well just keep them inside of you.

• 23:35Lewis Howes?

  Okay.

• 23:35Martha Higareda?

  Like, why would you share those things if it's something that you need to work on? And you are consciously working on those things.

• 23:42Lewis Howes?

  Yep.

• 23:43Martha Higareda?

  To what purpose or what end are you going to bring it to the other person? That's what I'm talking about transparency, like being.

• 23:52Martha Higareda?

  Hundred and twenty percent transparent with everything you think of it.

• 23:55Lewis Howes?

  You don't need that.

• 23:56Martha Higareda?

  No, because you may change tomorrow.

• 23:58Lewis Howes?

  Yeah.

• 23:58Martha Higareda?

  You know, whatever it is that you're working on.

• 24:00Lewis Howes?

  But honesty is.

• 24:01Martha Higareda?

  Honesty is important.

• 24:03Lewis Howes?

  Yeah.

• 24:03Martha Higareda?

  Yeah. And then I think in general, like if if I start thinking in the terms of like, oh, I should keep this a secret from Louis. That tells me this is something that I'm like, there's a line here that is getting that could be getting into like the dangers. Why would I keep that from you?

• 24:24Lewis Howes?

  Right.

• 24:24Martha Higareda?

  You know, oh, unless there's something that perhaps is not integrals or is not ah. So then then it's a self-conscious um exercise that you go, mm mm, no. You know, what do you think?

• 24:39Lewis Howes?

  Yeah, I don't think you should keep secrets.

• 24:40Martha Higareda?

  Yeah, no.

• 24:41Lewis Howes?

  I also said from the beginning, when I first started dating you, I was like, I'm gonna be honest about everything.

• 24:47Martha Higareda?

  Mm hmm.

• 24:47Lewis Howes?

  And you may not like it.

• 24:48Martha Higareda?

  Yeah.

• 24:49Lewis Howes?

  So hopefully you can receive it.

• 24:50Martha Higareda?

  Yeah.

• 24:51Lewis Howes?

  And take it.

• 24:51Martha Higareda?

  Yeah.

• 24:52Lewis Howes?

  And and I was just like, you know, you asked me like stuff early on that I was like, you sure you want the answer?

• 24:58Martha Higareda?

  I know, I remember.

• 24:59Lewis Howes?

  I was like, oh, here it is. And you're like, okay, like, all right. And so I think you have to, I think the other person has to prove that they can receive.

• 25:09Martha Higareda?

  Mm hmm.

• 25:11Lewis Howes?

  Honesty and really take it in.

• 25:14Martha Higareda?

  I am so happy you're touching on that subject because this is something that.

• 25:18Lewis Howes?

  Because if I'm honest with someone, you know, if I was honest with you in the beginning about certain stuff, like my past, certain things. Maybe I'm not proud of or whatever.

• 25:26Martha Higareda?

  Yeah.

• 25:27Lewis Howes?

  And I'm like, oh, I really don't want to share certain things. But if you ask me a question

• 25:32Lewis Howes?

  and I can either say, are you sure you want the answer? Or I kind of don't want to share. But if you want it, I'm gonna tell you the truth. But if you hear the truth and you don't like it, it's kind of on you now because you've asked for the truth.

• 25:44Martha Higareda?

  Yeah.

• 25:45Lewis Howes?

  And so if you can't handle it, if you're reacting or something that's so crazy, ah, I can't believe you. Ah, that's hurtful. But I'm like, this is something happened in the past, so.

• 25:54Martha Higareda?

  You mean like you shared something and people reacted.

• 25:57Lewis Howes?

  And you react to it, the truth. It's not gonna make the person wanna share the truth in the future.

• 26:01Martha Higareda?

  No.

• 26:02Lewis Howes?

  It's gonna make them wanna, a person wanna hide or like hold back certain things. Because the other person cannot receive the truth. And I said to you, I'm gonna be honest with you from the very beginning. I was like, I'm gonna be honest with you, but you gotta be willing to receive it. You can't like scream at me or shame me or whatever it is. Like be like, I can't believe you thought that way, whatever it is. You have to be like, okay, I hear you. You don't have to love it, but you have to be willing to receive it.

• 26:28Martha Higareda?

  I have a, I have a good friend that said to me once, she confided in me about something that was going on in her relationship in which her partner, after being together for a while, trusted her into telling her, listen, I did a couple of things. You know that it's hard for me because I've been struggling having it inside of my heart. And now I'm bringing it up to you and I wanna share this with you. And she, you know, shared the story with me. She said, I was so angry, I was so upset, I can't believe. And she went into the thing of like, why is it that all this time you didn't share it? And it wasn't like years, I'm just talking about months, like not, not even like a few months.

• 27:10Martha Higareda?

  And she reacted that way, like, huh, you know, it would, and I understand the reaction by the way, because you know, depending on how you grew up, where you're coming from and where you're in life at that moment. Somebody sharing something that hasn't shared with you before could trigger insecurities inside of you.

• 27:29Martha Higareda?

  The path that she chose was to make him wrong for having shared that. And she asked my opinion and I was like, you really wanna know my opinion? She's like, yes. I said, well, I think what he did is an act of love. What? And I said, yes, he did. I think at that moment, when he finally decided after struggling with himself to be honest with you and telling you, you know, what happened, and it wasn't, I'm not talking about infidelity, I'm not.

• 27:58Lewis Howes?

  Right, right.

• 27:59Martha Higareda?

  I'm talking about something from the past.

• 28:00Lewis Howes?

  Before they met.

• 28:01Martha Higareda?

  Yes. Uh, when they were not together. So I said, he was trusting you. He was literally trusting you that moment, hey, this, this is me. It's almost like taking off your clothes, like I'm naked here in front of you. And instead of embracing it. You went into.

• 28:22Lewis Howes?

  I can't believe you.

• 28:22Martha Higareda?

  I can't believe you did this and not only this is wrong, how horrible shame on you. So.

• 28:29Lewis Howes?

  It doesn't make you want to be honest in the future. It makes you second guess, should I share this or not?

• 28:33Martha Higareda?

  Yes, so I said, I said, be careful. Because now it's gonna be very hard for him to share and open up in other things in life. Anything in general in the future, because we got this as a precedent that you, you know, you, you, you can't take him.

• 28:50Lewis Howes?

  Yes.

• 28:51Martha Higareda?

  So we gotta be, you know, hard enough, big enough and open the space for the other person to be.

• 28:58Lewis Howes?

  Hundred percent. Don't keep secrets, but you don't have to be fully transparent about every thought you have in your mind.

• 29:05Martha Higareda?

  Can you imagine?

• 29:06Lewis Howes?

  No, it'd be crazy.

• 29:07Martha Higareda?

  Especially about emotions and things. Emotions come and go. If you're like telling every single emotion you have to the person you're with. Blah, blah, blah, all these things. And now I feel like this and I feel.

• 29:17Lewis Howes?

  Be a lot.

• 29:17Martha Higareda?

  It's gonna be a lot.

• 29:18Lewis Howes?

  Be a lot. The next thing is, I think one of the most important steps is what mentally strong couples don't do is they don't hesitate to set boundaries.

• 29:29Martha Higareda?

  Yes.

• 29:29Lewis Howes?

  And I think from the very beginning, we, I mean, I was very clear on my side that I needed boundaries in my relationship.

• 29:37Martha Higareda?

  Yeah.

• 29:37Lewis Howes?

  And I was clear with you that I didn't feel like I had those in previous relationships, same with you.

• 29:42Martha Higareda?

  Yeah.

• 29:43Lewis Howes?

  And I was just like, this is who I, I was so, I was almost like trying to get you to run away from me, not in a bad way, but I was like, this is who I am, this is what I think, this is what I believe, this is how I act, this is how I behave. I'm not willing to do this. I am willing to do this. I was like, I don't care what you think of me, this is who I'm gonna be. And take it or leave it, you know, type of mentality.

• 30:05Martha Higareda?

  It was so clear, because you know, in the past, you also dated very close people to your wife.

• 30:12Lewis Howes?

  I was never able to really be me without someone getting upset at me. So I felt like I had to keep the peace by changing who I was all the time. And it was exhausting trying to keep the peace. And I think the best way to have peace in your life is to create boundaries and to hold on to those boundaries and to set a firm boundary on certain things. And I was just very clear early on, and it's not like this was ever an issue that we had to address something, but I was like, listen, one boundary for me is I will not be in a relationship where anyone screams.

• 30:43Martha Higareda?

  Oh, yeah, no, thank God.

• 30:45Lewis Howes?

  And so if you like to scream at me, it's not gonna happen. We're not gonna be together.

• 30:50Martha Higareda?

  And I just come from a relationship in which I was the receiving end of a lot of explosion and screaming.

• 30:55Lewis Howes?

  Screaming, yeah, yeah.

• 30:56Martha Higareda?

  And I was like, oh, I don't want this.

• 30:57Lewis Howes?

  And I was, so I was just clear, like, here are boundaries for me, like, it can't even be a little bit that then gets more and more and more. So it has to be a clear boundary. There's no screaming, there's no this, there's, this doesn't work for me. Now, it doesn't mean you have to be perfect with your emotions all day long. I'm not saying that. But there are certain things that we should not accept. You shouldn't accept me to scream at you. You shouldn't accept me to do whatever, other things too, that don't make sense for you. And it's just being very clear about that. And I think we were really good in the first year, year and a half, when we started in therapy, which I think was another powerful thing. We were clear on those boundaries by creating agreements. And I think that made the relationship for me at least feel safer and same for you.

• 31:40Lewis Howes?

  And one of the things that we also did, we started making boundaries in our individual lives as well, really in the last couple of years. So we created boundaries with each other. And then it's boundaries with friends, family, colleagues, worker, you know, all these different things in life to continue to protect our energy in the relationship and outside of the relationship. Work, whatever it might be, just finding ways to continue the skill of boundary setting to create more peace and freedom inside. And I think both of us love people, like people, we want people to be happy, and we both overextended ourselves.

• 32:22Martha Higareda?

  We have been people pleasers in the past.

• 32:24Lewis Howes?

  Both been people pleasers in the past. We've both overextended ourselves to try to make everyone happy around us, everyone feel good around us by sometimes giving more than making our, and not making ourselves feel good or feeling frustrated in the process. And really, in the last couple of years, we both had to learn hard way, okay. We had it figured out with us, but we didn't have it figured out with everyone else. And it was like, both of us in the same timeline, we're just doing it one after one after one, just creating boundaries. And it has given us so much more peace and freedom in life. And so, you know, just because you're in a loving, beautiful relationship with someone, doesn't mean you don't need to create a boundary with them around something.

• 33:06Martha Higareda?

  How do you think it's the best way to create a boundary, or the way that works for you?

• 33:10Lewis Howes?

  A loving boundary and say, hey, listen, this is something. And then, and when you do it early on, and you communicate it early on in a relationship, you don't just give into everything, it's easier. It's harder to create a boundary two, five, 10 years in, when you've never created one. But from the beginning, we did that with each other. Hey, this is something I want. You know, you said, um, this is what I want to create in the next two and a half years. If we're dating, like, I want to get married in the next couple of years. I want to start building a family in the next two, three, four years. Is that something you want? And if it's not something I wanted, you'd have been like, okay, see you later.

• 33:45Martha Higareda?

  Yeah.

• 33:45Lewis Howes?

  It would have been a boundary for you. If you're not at least open and interested in that same vision. And if you would have said, well, maybe he'll change. Maybe he'll be open to it once he falls in love with me in a few months.

• 33:58Martha Higareda?

  Maybe I'll convince him.

• 33:59Lewis Howes?

  Maybe I'll, maybe I'll fix his mentality and he'll want to do it in three, four years. And the three, four years comes and I haven't proposed, and we're not engaged, and we're not married, and I'm not speaking about family. You would be resentful and frustrated. You'd be, you'd still be like nagging at me constantly. You'd be like, why aren't you doing this? Why aren't you doing this? Underneath, it's because I wasn't meeting the expectation because you didn't set a boundary. You maybe communicated it, you maybe said, this is my dream, what do I want? And I'd be like, yeah, I'm open to it. But if you didn't really dig in and be like, do you want this? Are you clear?

• 34:33Martha Higareda?

  Yeah.

• 34:34Lewis Howes?

  And, and if I didn't want it, you could have been like, okay, this is, this relationship doesn't work for me. That's a boundary. And it's a loving boundary.

• 34:46Lewis Howes?

  You don't have to yell at someone or shame them, just alright, it doesn't work. And that's okay.

• 34:50Martha Higareda?

  Yeah, it's the thing is that you, cause in the past, I struggled in the past with setting boundaries because I've been a people pleaser.

• 34:57Lewis Howes?

  Yeah.

• 34:58Martha Higareda?

  And, and it's.

• 34:58Lewis Howes?

  Most people are.

• 34:59Martha Higareda?

  Most people are.

• 35:00Lewis Howes?

  Most people are.

• 35:01Martha Higareda?

  Yeah. It's hard sometimes.

• 35:03Lewis Howes?

  It's hard sometimes, because you wanna be liked, you want people to, you know.

• 35:06Martha Higareda?

  But I think it does come to self-acceptance.

• 35:10Lewis Howes?

  Yes.

• 35:10Martha Higareda?

  And being okay with

• 35:14Martha Higareda?

  walking away from.

• 35:15Lewis Howes?

  Walk away.

• 35:16Martha Higareda?

  Seriously, it's like.

• 35:17Lewis Howes?

  Walk away.

• 35:18Martha Higareda?

  Walking away from that situation.

• 35:20Lewis Howes?

  That's it.

• 35:21Martha Higareda?

  From that scenario, because, and you, and you, and knowing you're gonna be okay, because at the end of the year, you're gonna be okay.

• 35:27Lewis Howes?

  Yes.

• 35:27Martha Higareda?

  So why would you be in a relationship or in a situation in which you guys are not aligned? And yet you have the hopes that this thing is going to change? And you are not setting a boundary because you don't wanna have ruffled the waters.

• 35:44Lewis Howes?

  Yeah.

• 35:45Martha Higareda?

  You just start resenting inside of you, that's a big invoice you're gonna charge later.

• 35:51Lewis Howes?

  And if you can, yeah, and if you could do this, you know, in the first six months or first year of a relationship, start doing some of these things, it's gonna set you up for more success.

• 35:59Martha Higareda?

  Yeah.

• 35:59Lewis Howes?

  If you wait two, three years in, and you never have any of these conversations, and you never do any of these things. You are just gonna be two years in and feeling like there's problems everywhere.

• 36:09Martha Higareda?

  Yeah.

• 36:10Lewis Howes?

  You like went in, everything was like beautiful, and we love each other, and the chemistry and the explosion and passion, but if you don't address these things early on.

• 36:17Martha Higareda?

  I just remember the, the Vegas example, and then, and then our friend that shared with us, remember that? It, it's, it's a couple that got divorced, and he had a big opening and event that he was gonna have with a chef. He was excited about going to this event. And, and his partner was like, wait a second, but this is the same weekend we're moving in together. So we're moving in together and you also have this event, and it was just an evening, a few hours. And he was just sharing with us, I decided not to go to the event that I was very excited about. It was my passion event. He decided not to go in order to please someone like who he's no longer with, by the way, because it didn't work out because of these things.

• 37:02Martha Higareda?

  He didn't set a boundary and it was beautiful because he said, that's on me. I didn't set a boundary.

• 37:07Lewis Howes?

  Yeah, I didn't go and communicate, I'm doing this and allow her to be upset. And he said, that set the precedent for our entire relationship because I gave in once to make her happy. And then I gave in every time that I wanted to do something. She needed me, there was a breakdown, so I always gave in to try to keep the peace. And then that's not setting a strong foundation.

• 37:30Martha Higareda?

  No.

• 37:31Lewis Howes?

  And so, don't hesitate to set boundaries is a big one. The next one is, don't become a martyr.

• 37:36Martha Higareda?

  Ooh, that's such a good one.

• 37:38Lewis Howes?

  What does this mean? Why do mentally strong couples not become martyrs?

• 37:44Martha Higareda?

  We've learned this in and during our preparation as before getting engaged and then, you know, before getting married. But some people misuse the word sacrifice. And we know, and we're gonna learn it even more as being married, but a long-term relationship does require some sacrifices. And it doesn't mean something that is gonna feel like, oh my god, my arm is cut. Like meaning, like, ah, this was such a strong thing that I had to let go in order to make this person happy. Just like we were saying, no. It's little things like this, well, you know, hmm, I have my time to work out. I have my time to to run my business and then maybe, you know,

• 38:30Martha Higareda?

  lately I've been playing pickleball a lot, but now we have a child and I actually wanna spend time with our children. Maybe I'm gonna sacrifice this one day that I used to play pickleball to be with my family. And then you realize it's not a sacrifice.

• 38:44Lewis Howes?

  I will never give up on pickleball.

• 38:48Martha Higareda?

  I love that you play pickleball.

• 38:49Lewis Howes?

  I will never.

• 38:49Martha Higareda?

  It's just the first thing that came to my mind.

• 38:51Lewis Howes?

  Yeah, of course.

• 38:51Martha Higareda?

  But. You you realize.

• 38:54Lewis Howes?

  Or you're like, I'm gonna get up earlier, I'm gonna do something else.

• 38:56Martha Higareda?

  Exactly. Maybe I can change the pickleball thing in the morning, I'll call my friend and see if we can play. Those are the sacrifices we're talking about, right? Somebody gets sick, okay, well, that's a sacrifice. When it becomes a martyr.

• 39:08Lewis Howes?

  What does a martyr mean in a relationship?

• 39:11Martha Higareda?

  A martyr means a person that is being unhappy in their life. And you're offering help to them. I'm gonna help you with this, do you need support, I'll bring somebody to help you. You need this, you're struggling with this, and they refuse the support. Cause they, cause they are, it's almost like subconsciously, they prefer to sit in a martyr situation. So you see how much I suffer for us and the relationship.

• 39:41Lewis Howes?

  And I'm not willing to receive support unless it's like you sacrificing more to like be miserable with me or something.

• 39:48Martha Higareda?

  When they become competitive, in the, because it happens to men and it happens to women. They become competitive. The woman starts saying, I am so tired, I'm, you know, I I'm taking care of the kids, I also have a job. I'm doing all these things, I'm putting all my efforts, I'm making you food, I'm all this, I'm exhausted. And then the man says, well, I've been working on this, that, trying to bring more money to the, to the household. I'm doing all these things, I suffer more than you, no, you suffer more than me. And you start, you're literally taking an accountability of who is suffering more? And you're making the other person the subject of all your suffering. Yet, when the other person tries to support you, you say, no.

• 40:33Martha Higareda?

  Because I, how do I?

• 40:35Lewis Howes?

  Why won't people receive their support if they're in a martyr position?

• 40:39Martha Higareda?

  Why wouldn't they receive the support?

• 40:40Lewis Howes?

  Yeah, why won't you receive it if you're so overwhelmed and so stressed and have suffering so much in a relationship? Why not just receive the support and set yourself free?

• 40:50Martha Higareda?

  I believe it comes from two different things. But this is my personal belief, again, I'm not an expert, but this is what I think. I think one of them is.

• 41:00Martha Higareda?

  Sometimes, it can happen to all of us. There's moments in which you get used to an emotion. Over and over again, you repeat that emotion inside of you, it becomes you.

• 41:13Lewis Howes?

  Hmm.

• 41:14Martha Higareda?

  It becomes your reality and your version of reality. And when a solution is being offered to change that, perhaps you don't want it to change because you're getting the attention that you need from being a martyr, in this case, from being a victim of what's happening. It's almost like a subconscious game that inside of you, you wanna be freed of this, but subconsciously you don't want to because you are getting the attention that you want by saying, "Look at all what I'm doing."

• 41:49Lewis Howes?

  Look at my suffering.

• 41:50Martha Higareda?

  Look at my suffering. And the other thing is, because your suffering perhaps is validating your existence. Because if I get the help, if I do these things, then why am I here for?

• 42:03Lewis Howes?

  I'm not needed anymore.

• 42:04Martha Higareda?

  Then I'm not worthy. So, it's all, obviously, I think it's subconsciously that I think this is happening inside. If you, if you help me and I'm used to arguing with you, and unless there's an argument in my life, I don't feel alive because I'm used to all the chemicals and the emotions that an argument brings, I don't wanna change that because this is me. So if I don't have these things, no, I mean, I do.

• 42:34Lewis Howes?

  You wanna change it, but it's your identity.

• 42:36Martha Higareda?

  You say you wanna change it, but you really don't wanna change it. Because it has become your identity. It literally has become my identity, I think. And so, it's, it's kinda like comes both ways. Chemically, chemically, you're feeling the emotions and unless you feel those emotions, you don't feel alive. And the other thing is, if I get all the help and all the stuff, how am I gonna get the emotions I was getting for being a martyr? And if I get the help, then am I really worth as a person?

• 43:05Lewis Howes?

  Yes.

• 43:06Martha Higareda?

  Because perhaps me being a martyr proves that I exist, that I'm worthy of your love and recognition and validation.

• 43:15Lewis Howes?

  Hmm.

• 43:16Martha Higareda?

  I don't know.

• 43:17Lewis Howes?

  Don't become martyrs. That's gonna make your relationships suffer for sure. The next one is, they don't use their emotions as weapons.

• 43:25Martha Higareda?

  Would you wanna say an example of that one?

• 43:29Lewis Howes?

  Not using your emotions as weapons?

• 43:31Martha Higareda?

  Yes.

• 43:33Lewis Howes?

  I don't really feel like I have a lot of extreme emotions.

• 43:36Martha Higareda?

  No, you don't.

• 43:36Lewis Howes?

  That I would use as a weapon. So I don't know if I understand this. But I have had previous relationships where, you know, the people I chose would use like the silent treatment emotion. It was like

• 43:52Lewis Howes?

  not talking to me for days. As like a weapon. It's like, I'm not going to speak to you. I'm not going to talk to you. Or I'm going to explode on you. If I think you did something wrong.

• 44:04Martha Higareda?

  Would you not, would they tell you what you were?

• 44:08Lewis Howes?

  Maybe, maybe not. But it's just more of like using as a weapon to try to get, I guess, me to come back and apologize or like do something differently. But really it was like trying to get me to change the person I am. To make them feel safe. And then if I would change, they would keep doing it to change more and more until I've just become a shell of a person. So using either like a screaming or a sadness emotion or a silent treatment emotion to try to manipulate or weaponize relationship dynamics.

• 44:44Martha Higareda?

  That's a manipulation.

• 44:45Lewis Howes?

  I think it's very, yeah, it's very destructive. It's exhausting. It's confusing. It's emotionally scary. All these things, it doesn't make you feel like you have a safe nervous system. When the person you love and have committed to emotionally, sexually, spiritually, all these different things. If they're playing emotional games with you. And if they're not just communicating consciously, hey, I've got an issue with this. Can we talk about it?

• 45:13Martha Higareda?

  Yeah.

• 45:13Lewis Howes?

  And I think that's what, you know, mentally strong couples don't do is they don't weaponize their emotions. They communicate their emotions calmly or at least consciously. Maybe you're not going to be this perfect like, ah, you're hurt me and I'm going to be loving towards you right now. But you're going to say, listen, something's really bothering me and I want to speak to you about it. I don't want to get angry. I want us to have a calm conversation, but I'm really hiding emotion and I want to feel safe. Can you listen to me for a little bit? It's like learning how to approach emotional subjects without.

• 45:46Lewis Howes?

  Weaponizing your emotions.

• 45:48Martha Higareda?

  I I didn't have an experience in the past of like the silent treatment.

• 45:51Lewis Howes?

  Yeah.

• 45:52Martha Higareda?

  That's gonna be horrible.

• 45:53Lewis Howes?

  Yeah, it's not fun.

• 45:53Martha Higareda?

  It's not. And and these are things that highly narcissistic people use. And in my mind, I think they're using them to tame you. Like if you're training a dog or something, it's horrible.

• 46:07Martha Higareda?

  But however, I did experience this type of thing. I'm sharing something and the person say, don't bring this up because it makes me angry. And you know it does. And then you know, and then you end up not discussing that thing that you really wanted to bring up.

• 46:26Lewis Howes?

  Yeah.

• 46:26Martha Higareda?

  And so then there's they're they're weaponizing the emotion. This thing makes me angry if you bring it up ever. I'm just whatever.

• 46:35Lewis Howes?

  Sure.

• 46:35Martha Higareda?

  So then there's in little by little, you start quieting your voice.

• 46:39Lewis Howes?

  Yeah.

• 46:40Martha Higareda?

  Like it really starts happening.

• 46:42Lewis Howes?

  Yeah, and in the previous episodes we did, we talked about, you know, conscious conflict resolution.

• 46:48Martha Higareda?

  Yeah.

• 46:48Lewis Howes?

  Like learning how to resolve conflicts. And not saying, don't speak about this ever, or this makes me angry every time you say this. There are probably like things that like frustrate me, or maybe I'm like, huh, I don't wanna have this conversation right now. But if it's important to you, and if we either say, hey, can we set a time to talk about this? If this is not a good time, can we schedule a time today, tomorrow to talk about this? Something's on my heart or my mind, and I wanna open up about it. And if we come to a place like, we've talked about this before. Whenever there is something on our heart or mind, we try to always talk about the good in the other person first. Like, hey, there's something bothering me right now, but gosh, I'm so grateful for you and how you show up for me, and you're always this, this, this in a positive way.

• 47:34Lewis Howes?

  But there's something that's been on my heart and mind that I just wanna speak about that's frustrating me. I think when we lead with acknowledging so much of the good, it doesn't have to be a thousand things, but acknowledging like, you showed up this week in a beautiful way. I'll hear, hear, hear. But there's one thing that's like on my mind, I just wanna talk about it. It's less threatening. You know what I mean? It's less like, otherwise you only bring up a problem or something that's on your heart and mind and you don't speak about the good. It makes the other person feel less valued for all the hard work they're putting in into the relationship to try to show you love, care, support, patience, presence, all those things. And I just think you succeed in relationship more when you acknowledge the person and express gratitude towards the person

• 48:19Lewis Howes?

  before you bring up some challenge you're facing.

• 48:22Martha Higareda?

  Yes.

• 48:22Lewis Howes?

  I just think you're always gonna do it. You're always going to feel more love instead of frustration and resentment. So they don't use their emotions as weapons. And the next thing I think is massive, which is they don't try to fix each other.

• 48:41Martha Higareda?

  Ah, yeah.

• 48:42Lewis Howes?

  And we, you know, we have married friends that, you know, from the beginning of their relationship, that, you know, the woman will say, you know, he was a project and I wanted to like.

• 48:55Martha Higareda?

  Oh, my goodness, yes.

• 48:55Lewis Howes?

  I wanted to help him and I wanted to fix him. And there was, I saw issues in him that I wanted to like help him overcome it. And I think that's coming from a good heart and a good intention. But you can't go into a relationship trying to fix or solve the other person's problems or pain. Maybe that bonds you in the beginning and allows you to develop some type of relationship where you're like saving the person and they really feel taken care of and you're taking care of them and this like bonding experience. But that's not healthy.

• 49:27Martha Higareda?

  No, because then it starts becoming a fusion.

• 49:30Lewis Howes?

  Oh, yeah.

• 49:30Martha Higareda?

  And then when it becomes a fusion, it goes from a bond to a fusion. Then what happens is you literally create a codependent relationship in which one person is dependent of the other one in order for, you know, me to feel taken care of and helped and seen. You can fix me.

• 49:51Lewis Howes?

  Yes.

• 49:51Martha Higareda?

  Right? Like, I need you. I literally need you to feel safe and seen. And then.

• 49:57Lewis Howes?

  And the fixer.

• 49:58Martha Higareda?

  And then the fixer, that's the codependent person. It's like, that's the person that in order for them to feel worthy, they need somebody that really needs them. So they kind of like blend each other perfectly in a bad way because because it creates a fusion that is not healthy.

• 50:15Lewis Howes?

  Yes.

• 50:16Martha Higareda?

  And one, the dependent needs the codependent in order to create these things. And you, what really you are creating is a prison around the two of you.

• 50:30Martha Higareda?

  And the other thing is, I remember back in the day in therapy, because I was struggling with this same relationship we're talking about. I was like so confused about all these jumping different emotions, all this anger and all this that I wasn't experienced, but I was like the receiving side of it. And so then I was coming from a good place into saying, hey, read this book. Hey, listen to this podcast. Hey, why don't you do this? Hey, why don't you do that? And I remember my therapist said at the time, you don't realize what you're doing. It's coming from a good place because it comes from a really good heart. But you're putting yourself above this other person. This other person doesn't want you to be their coach. They don't want you to be their therapist.

• 51:15Martha Higareda?

  They want you to be their partner. Considering that this person had issues and she said, listen, we're going to discuss these other issues that are narcissistic. But like in reality, this is a lesson for you to learn that it's not your job to fix him. It's not your job. What are you doing? You're not only going to end up resenting all the time and all the effort that you're putting, but also he's gonna end up resenting you because you're putting yourself above him. Meaning, I know better. I have the knowledge. I have the books. I have the podcast. You learn from me. And I had never seen it that way because I always thought.

• 51:59Martha Higareda?

  I'm coming from this place of being helpful, but just like.

• 52:04Lewis Howes?

  Yeah, and it's like, if you're trying to fix someone, you don't accept them for who they are.

• 52:09Martha Higareda?

  Yeah.

• 52:10Lewis Howes?

  And if you don't accept them, you shouldn't be with them. I don't think you should. It's either accept the person you're choosing to be with, like get to know the person before you fuse with them. Sexually, emotionally, psychologically, don't fuse or bond with someone before you get to know them. Once you get to know them and you see if their words and their behaviors are in alignment.

• 52:32Martha Higareda?

  Match.

• 52:32Lewis Howes?

  If they match.

• 52:33Martha Higareda?

  Action some words.

• 52:34Lewis Howes?

  Then you have to ask yourself, can I fully accept this person's personality, all of them? Stuff when they're stressed and overwhelmed, have we traveled, have we been around friends and family like? Can I accept their personality? If I can't, I shouldn't try to fix them. And I shouldn't be with them if I can't accept them. And that's hard for people because you might feel loving emotions towards someone. You might feel chemical emotions. You might feel like I love being around this person. It makes me feel alive. But if you can't accept them, why are you with them? Why are you choosing to be with them? And so it's either accept them and be with them. But if you're trying to be with someone and you want to fix them all the time, it's just a recipe for frustration.

• 53:19Martha Higareda?

  They are going to resent you for trying to fix them.

• 53:22Lewis Howes?

  And you're gonna resent them for not changing.

• 53:24Martha Higareda?

  For, for, yeah, I'm putting all this effort and you're not changing.

• 53:27Lewis Howes?

  And they're not, they're not living up to the changes you want to see in them. They never will.

• 53:31Martha Higareda?

  Yeah.

• 53:31Lewis Howes?

  Maybe if they do on their own.

• 53:33Martha Higareda?

  Love with them, you fell in love with the projection.

• 53:35Lewis Howes?

  The potential of what they could be in your mind, a fantasy of a person that's not real. And they probably will never get to that fantasy unless they break up with you and two years later they realize, oh, I want to transform for me.

• 53:50Martha Higareda?

  Also, unless they evolve in the relationship, because for example.

• 53:54Lewis Howes?

  Yes.

• 53:54Martha Higareda?

  My parents met when my mom was, they got married, she was nineteen and he was twenty. Can you imagine how much they?

• 54:02Lewis Howes?

  But they both had a growth mindset.

• 54:04Martha Higareda?

  Yeah, they did.

• 54:05Lewis Howes?

  They both had a willingness to wanna grow on their own, not for the other person. Maybe they wanted to become better for their family. But it was like a desire that I wanna become a better man, you wanna become a better woman.

• 54:16Martha Higareda?

  Yeah.

• 54:17Lewis Howes?

  We just wanna be better in life and that other part, the partner benefits.

• 54:21Martha Higareda?

  Yeah.

• 54:21Lewis Howes?

  From that growth mindset.

• 54:23Martha Higareda?

  Yeah.

• 54:24Lewis Howes?

  But if you're going it.

• 54:25Martha Higareda?

  They also went through things. I'm just saying like in general, the stories that my parents.

• 54:28Lewis Howes?

  Yeah, they were nineteen.

• 54:29Martha Higareda?

  Literally, they were children.

• 54:31Lewis Howes?

  Exactly.

• 54:31Martha Higareda?

  But at the same time, they had the love. This is the thing my mom says, although I got married when I was nineteen, I asked your dad the, the hard questions.

• 54:41Lewis Howes?

  Early on.

• 54:42Martha Higareda?

  Early on.

• 54:42Lewis Howes?

  And I'm not saying you shouldn't encourage your partner to, to, like you encouraged me to take supplements. You encouraged me to do healthy things.

• 54:50Martha Higareda?

  Mm hmm.

• 54:51Lewis Howes?

  When I'm like at midnight, I'm like, I wanna order some Pinkberry right now. You're like, you sure you want that right now?

• 54:56Martha Higareda?

  Yeah, that's what I.

• 54:57Lewis Howes?

  You don't tell me, don't do it.

• 54:58Martha Higareda?

  No.

• 54:58Lewis Howes?

  You say, you sure you want this? You really want this?

• 55:00Martha Higareda?

  Yeah.

• 55:01Lewis Howes?

  And sometimes I'm like, yeah, and then sometimes I'm like, actually, I don't want it.

• 55:04Martha Higareda?

  Yeah.

• 55:05Lewis Howes?

  So there's encouragement and then there's trying to fix and control.

• 55:09Martha Higareda?

  Mm hmm.

• 55:09Lewis Howes?

  And I think when you can be open about that and say, hey, in this relationship, I wanna be my best. I'm gonna be willing to grow constantly. It doesn't mean I'm gonna do what you want me to do all the time. And I want you to be your best and I'm gonna encourage you to grow as well. And I think that's the spirit of growth is where it becomes more beautiful, I think, than if you just say, I wish he or I wish she understood this and was better. Don't get in a relationship unless you know, like, hey, people are complicated, they're complex, they're gonna evolve on their own timeline.

• 55:45Martha Higareda?

  They are going to evolve.

• 55:46Lewis Howes?

  And if you can't accept that, don't get intimate, just be friends. Cause you're gonna have these high expectations that you'll never meet.

• 55:54Martha Higareda?

  Or be okay that you're gonna suffer for a while.

• 55:56Lewis Howes?

  Or just be okay that this is who they are, this is the person you've chosen.

• 56:00Martha Higareda?

  My dad used to say this about my mom when. She she she has a very explosive personality and my dad also, both of them.

• 56:07Lewis Howes?

  Yeah.

• 56:07Martha Higareda?

  And so sometimes my mom would go into all these explosions and I was young and I would tell my dad. Dad, but why is it that she is behaving this way, right? And my dad said to me, what's going on right now is that you wanna change your mom. You wanna change your mom, but you're not accepting your mom.

• 56:28Lewis Howes?

  Yes.

• 56:29Martha Higareda?

  I know your mom. This is the woman I married. She behaves this way and all I think about at that moment when she explodes this way is that she's being a little girl. And then inside of me, I feel a lot of compassion for the little girl that I know she grew up with. Basically, both of her parents not being with her.

• 56:48Lewis Howes?

  Yeah.

• 56:49Martha Higareda?

  And so this is how I think. My dad has never gone to therapy, but he was already, he already figured out. That his compassion compassionate side of him was coming forward to see the little girl in my mom. Although she was, you know, whatever, forty at the time, whatever. He saw the little girl coming out.

• 57:09Lewis Howes?

  Uh huh.

• 57:10Martha Higareda?

  And he knew how to step aside and watch it and be there for her.

• 57:14Lewis Howes?

  Yes.

• 57:15Martha Higareda?

  But they figure it out, like there's a moment, but and then later in life, my mom started catching herself. And sometimes she doesn't, assumption she does, but he says, you're trying to change your mom. I'm walking with your mom in life.

• 57:26Lewis Howes?

  Yes.

• 57:27Martha Higareda?

  This is where she is right now. So I think that's beautiful.

• 57:31Lewis Howes?

  I wanna share the, I'm gonna go through the next few and just say them and then we're gonna go over the final two.

• 57:36Martha Higareda?

  Yes.

• 57:37Lewis Howes?

  Cause we're getting close to the end of our time, so I'm just gonna list these out. Uh, cause there's a lot that people could go through, but there's also the book they can get. Um, thirteen things mentally strong couples don't do, where they can go through all these different steps.

• 57:49Martha Higareda?

  Yeah.

• 57:49Lewis Howes?

  It's all about fixing what's broken, developing healthier patterns and growing stronger together. So I'm just gonna list these few. They don't try to communicate with disrespect.

• 57:59Martha Higareda?

  Yeah.

• 57:59Lewis Howes?

  Again, I don't wanna go into this right now, but whenever. Couples disrespect each other, it just creates resentment. And so, don't communicate with disrespect. And it might be challenging to do, but this is just a key foundation. We don't do this. And if we did, we probably wouldn't be together if we were just disrespecting all the time. Uh, the eighth thing is they don't blame each other for their, for their problems. Again, big one, if you have a problem, you can't blame your partner for it. You've got to take ownership of your life and stop being a victim.

• 58:29Martha Higareda?

  Do you know what happens love? Is that when, and, and this I've learned, and I think it's also in the book. When, when you have a problem, even if it's a tiny one, right? Let's say you're driving and you're late because there's a lot of traffic, right? And when you're in that problem, you're gonna blame traffic. It's very, it's easier to blame someone else than to say, oh, I should have left earlier, right? But when you have your partner with you. And you're stuck in traffic and you are late, it's easier to blame your partner. And say, we're late because you took forever to find your purse, whatever it was.

• 59:09Martha Higareda?

  It's easier because the, um, I don't know how to say this in English, but the amygdala, like the, this part of your brain. Yes, that goes into fight or fight, the flight or fight mode.

• 59:21Martha Higareda?

  It's, it's so quick to find the next thing next to you to blame it on. So sometimes it also could be in a bigger way. If you're going through a hard time in your life for something that if you, let's say you're frustrated with your, with job, with your work. Let's say, this doesn't happen, but like, let's say you're frustrated with your work or with a specific person about, you know, your work. And if I was to come close to you at that moment and I'm not careful, let's say, the scenario hasn't happened, but it's, would be easier for you to relate that whatever the frustration you're feeling at a moment has to do with me just because I'm close to you. You know what I'm saying, but it's because because the brain does this chemistry thing, yeah.

• 1:00:04Lewis Howes?

  Exactly. Don't blame each other for your own problems. The next one really quickly is they don't forget why they fell in love. I think always remembering why you fell in love with the person in front of you. And if you fall, if you remember that I fell in love because they were attractive or something, just like a sexual chemistry thing, just got to be challenging in the future. You needed to say, I fall in love with the full person in front of me and accepting the personality of the person. Otherwise, you're going to be frustrated constantly. So don't.

• 1:00:36Martha Higareda?

  And sometimes that thing can be, you know, people fall in love with the adventurous personality of somebody. And then later, they are resentful because that adventurous personality is traveling all the time and they want to try the next thing. And you're like, well, but that is the first reason you're falling in love with this person.

• 1:00:52Lewis Howes?

  I know. Uh, the next thing is they don't expect the relationship to meet all their needs. And this is something that so many people do. And Esther Perel talks about this beautifully, that he's, you know, people get into marriage or relationship and thinking that they're supposed to be your lover, your business partner, your best friend, your therapist, your coach.

• 1:01:14Martha Higareda?

  Aren't you all those things for me? You're not.

• 1:01:19Lewis Howes?

  You know, no, it's good.

• 1:01:20Martha Higareda?

  No.

• 1:01:21Lewis Howes?

  No, but it's like when you expect it, and something we've done really well is,

• 1:01:26Lewis Howes?

  you know, you do this beautifully because you have so many girlfriends in your life. You have your mom, you have your family that you talk with. You have activities outside of me that are just yours. You have your career, you have your own projects, movies, your writing, all these things you do amazingly. But you don't need me to fill you up. You have me to add love and richness and.

• 1:01:50Martha Higareda?

  And share with.

• 1:01:50Lewis Howes?

  And share experiences with and have connection and intimacy and all these things. But you're not expecting me to give you everything in your life at all times. You're not waiting by the doorstep or waiting by the phone to get a phone call from me, a text from me to like fill you up throughout the day. You have your life, I have my life, we share our lives together. And I think that allows for more harmony to ensue in the relationship. Because you don't expect me and I don't expect you to fill all of our needs.

• 1:02:20Martha Higareda?

  No, you know, this is why I said that romanticism really hurts our lives. In in life, you know, what we see in TV shows, what we see in movies, what we hear in songs. And all this romantic idea that your partner is gonna be your best friend, but also your lover lover, but also your psychologist. But also your confidant, but also, you know.

• 1:02:42Lewis Howes?

  Your bank.

• 1:02:43Martha Higareda?

  Your bank, but all these different things like, what are we doing? Can you imagine it's exhausting to think about and yet? This is the picture we're being sold about love. This is what like literally they hammer you on with this like this is what love's supposed to be. That person's supposed to be there for you in all these different aspects. In my opinion, there's things, for example, that I can be struggling with. But I can share with you, I always share everything with you, but I mean. Wouldn't it be nice sometimes to have a little bit of a filter? And so you know what, this thing is just an emotion, it's gonna come and it's gonna go. Why would I even bring it up?

• 1:03:22Lewis Howes?

  Yeah.

• 1:03:23Martha Higareda?

  Or if this thing is something that just I don't know, has to do with my period and has to do with hormones.

• 1:03:30Lewis Howes?

  You don't need to bring everything to me.

• 1:03:31Martha Higareda?

  No, I have friends girlfriends that I go, has it ever happened to you that this thing got and we went with each other? Yes, this thing that.

• 1:03:38Lewis Howes?

  And you let it go.

• 1:03:39Martha Higareda?

  And then I let it go and then by the time I see you, I don't even have it in my mind.

• 1:03:43Lewis Howes?

  Exactly.

• 1:03:43Martha Higareda?

  It's not that I wanna don't wanna bring it up, I just don't have it anymore.

• 1:03:46Lewis Howes?

  Yeah.

• 1:03:47Martha Higareda?

  You know, so it's it's balancing all these things.

• 1:03:51Lewis Howes?

  Don't expect your relationships to meet all your needs. And we go through the last two really last three really quickly. They don't neglect their partnership, meaning they're willing to keep investing in it. They don't take each other for granted, which is a big one. Something we do every night is we talk about what we're grateful for from the day and what we're grateful for of each other. And it's like, it doesn't have to be all day long. What I appreciate about you, but I think.

• 1:04:15Martha Higareda?

  Little things.

• 1:04:16Lewis Howes?

  Once a day, a little moment of just saying, here's what I appreciate about you. It just shows you're not taking each other for granted, and it doesn't mean if maybe words of affirmation is not your strategy for love, and it could just be, I'm gonna do service, I'm gonna do other things to show I'm not taking it for granted, but finding what works for you.

• 1:04:32Martha Higareda?

  I want to ask you something, because I think this is um important. What makes a man feel appreciated?

• 1:04:41Lewis Howes?

  I mean, it's probably different for every man, but for me, um, I like I like hearing, thank you. I like hearing, thank you for what you do. You know, as a provider, someone that's gonna go out and want to provide and want to lead, protect, provide, and serve.

• 1:05:04Lewis Howes?

  All I want, and I think all a lot of men want, is thank you for doing what you do for us.

• 1:05:09Martha Higareda?

  How important is appreciation for a man?

• 1:05:11Lewis Howes?

  I think it's very important, but I think it's it's important for me, and I think if you didn't, it just say, thank you. It doesn't need to be like, you're the most amazing man, like every day, but just, thank you. That's all it is. Thank you for doing this. Thank you for thinking of me. Thank you for providing for us. Thank you for taking care of this. I will freaking do anything, you know? I will go above and beyond with just a little thank you and a little appreciation. It's why you do it, you do it so well.

• 1:05:37Martha Higareda?

  You do so well with me.

• 1:05:38Lewis Howes?

  And I think it's, it just makes me wanna go create more and and serve more and show up for you more, because you give a little and I'm gonna give a lot. You give more, I'm gonna keep giving more, you know, so it's just, it makes you feel seen, accepted for the work you're doing when no one's watching, you know? And I think that's what, that's what I appreciate, and it's what I think a lot of men appreciate, so.

• 1:06:00Martha Higareda?

  I think it goes both ways, too. I think it's important for women to feel appreciated for all the things that that we do, that sometimes men can take for granted.

• 1:06:12Lewis Howes?

  Yes.

• 1:06:13Martha Higareda?

  You know, even little things that we think about, oh, he doesn't have any socks, I'm gonna get him some.

• 1:06:17Lewis Howes?

  Yeah.

• 1:06:18Martha Higareda?

  Um, oh, I heard him talking about this vitamin thing, I'm gonna research and buy it more, you know, all these things. And let's imagine a situation that doesn't happen to us, but I heard about it, like, all of these. Amazon boxes, what is this thing that you, you know, and then you don't, you may not know, you open these boxes and some of them are things that you didn't know you needed.

• 1:06:39Lewis Howes?

  Exactly.

• 1:06:40Martha Higareda?

  Right? And so I, I think it's a, it's a good recipe to start healthy or bring back health into the relationship. To be appreciative with each other because it is a fuel that charges you. As a couple and as a person.

• 1:06:57Lewis Howes?

  That's it.

• 1:06:58Martha Higareda?

  For me, like when you say, oh, I appreciate you to this, you know what it makes me do? It makes me want to do more of that.

• 1:07:04Lewis Howes?

  And when you appreciate something, it appreciates in value.

• 1:07:07Martha Higareda?

  Yes.

• 1:07:08Lewis Howes?

  So pour appreciation into your partner as frequently as you can. And the final one is, uh, they don't stop growing. And again, this is 13 things mentally strong couples don't do. Make sure you guys get a copy of this book.

• 1:07:21Martha Higareda?

  So good.

• 1:07:21Lewis Howes?

  Uh, we went through it when we were just dating and it allowed us to create dynamics, exercises and reflections based on learning about what couples do do well and what couples don't do well. Um, we just scratched the surface on this, but I would love for you to share which one of the 13 things in the comments below resonated with you the most, maybe something that you don't do yet that you need to do better, or one that you do that really helps you in your relationship. So share that below, leave us a comment, let us know what you think. Make sure to follow Martha on her YouTube channel and all of her social media will have that link in the description below.

• 1:08:01Lewis Howes?

  We had a couple of previous episodes that we did about our marriage journey. If you want to learn more about that, go watch or listen to that.

• 1:08:09Martha Higareda?

  Do you know what's cool? And we can do this too if you want to, but if people leave questions.

• 1:08:14Lewis Howes?

  Yes.

• 1:08:15Martha Higareda?

  Sometimes people are going through something and say, hey, you know, what does Louis think about this? Or what do Martha think? Like, what do we, how do we do? That's really cool. Like one day bringing these questions.

• 1:08:25Lewis Howes?

  Absolutely. Share any question you have. Yeah. Share them below in the comments.

• 1:08:29Martha Higareda?

  I love. Because we're learning with them.

• 1:08:32Lewis Howes?

  We are. We don't, we don't have all the answers.

• 1:08:34Martha Higareda?

  No.

• 1:08:35Lewis Howes?

  We're, we're three months in, uh, marriage, but I feel like we've done stuff that works for us. And we're not expecting people to read 20 books and go to every workshop. But I think if you can learn a little bit from here and take it a little deeper, it's going to support you in your relationship. Whether you're in one now or you want to be one in the future. Always be growing. That's the last one of the 13 things. So.

• 1:09:00Martha Higareda?

  You do that.

• 1:09:01Lewis Howes?

  Ah, we do that. I love you. You're amazing.

• 1:09:04Martha Higareda?

  I love you too.

• 1:09:04Lewis Howes?

  Te amo. And I hope you guys enjoy this episode. I have a brand new book called Make Money Easy. And if you're looking to create more financial freedom in your life, you want abundance in your life and you want to stop making money hard in your life, but you want to make it easier, you want to make it flow, you want to feel abundant, then make sure to go to makemoneyeasybook.com right now and get yourself a copy. I really think this is going to help you transform your relationship with money this moment moving forward. I hope you enjoyed today's episode and it inspired you on your journey towards greatness. Make sure to check out the show notes in the description for a full rundown of today's

• 1:09:48Lewis Howes?

  episode with all the important links. And if you want weekly exclusive bonus episodes with me personally, as well as ad free listening, then make sure to subscribe to our Greatness Plus channel exclusively on Apple Podcasts. Share this with a friend on social media and leave us a review on Apple Podcasts as well. Let me know what you enjoyed about this episode in that review. I really love hearing feedback from you and it helps us figure out how we can support and serve you moving forward. And I want to remind you, if no one has told you lately, that you are loved, you are worthy, and you matter. And now it's time to go out there and do something great.