Can I Wipe My Oily Hands On My Legs? (Reheat)

We open the phone lines to settle your most contentious food disputes this week. Eliza wants to wipe her oily hands on her bare legs — is her boyfriend Connor right to object? Then, Natalie thinks she’s entitled to half of what her husband Josh cooks, even though he’s generally hungrier.

Speaker names marked ? are inferred from speaking time and the show’s known hosts — they are not voice-verified.

• 0:00Dan Pashman?

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• 0:42Dan Pashman?

  The mini golf alone is probably worth, it's like the mini golf capital of the country. They have the most incredible elaborate mini golf courses. They also have more than 80 championship full-size golf courses, plus 60 miles of beautiful coastline, all-season sunshine. Of course, you can relax by the beach or the pool. There's also jet skiing, fishing charters, paddle boarding, and of course, food. Oh, man, did we eat well in Myrtle Beach. From fresh local seafood to craft burgers and craft beers to kebabs on the boardwalk. With more than 2,000 restaurants to choose from, from legendary no-frill seafood shacks to chef-driven dining, Myrtle Beach has it all. Plus, live entertainment at the beach, there's always something epic going on. So, summer may be winding down, but in Myrtle Beach, you're gonna find the coastal vacation of your dreams all year long.

• 1:27Dan Pashman?

  Start planning your ultimate beach vacation at visit myrtlebeach.com.

• 1:44Dan Pashman?

  Hey, everyone, Dan here. And you know, the Sporkful has changed and evolved a lot over our nearly 16 years in existence. But one thing we have been doing since the very beginning, which I still love so much, is taking your calls, resolving your food disputes, sharing our own hot takes. It's so much fun to interact. I also love the sort of like old-time talk radio vibes that come along with it. So, in this week's Reheat, we are gonna revisit a classic call-in episode that I recorded with two extreme Extremely funny guys, Drew McGary and David Roth. They're writers, podcasters and co-founders of Defector, the sports and culture website. Together, we take calls on everything from the convenience of moisturizing with cooking oil to one couple's search for equity in leftovers. This one's a ton of fun. And remember, if there's a Sporkful episode from the

• 2:27Dan Pashman?

  deep freezer you want us to reheat, let me know. I'm here. I'm awaiting your suggestions. Reach me at [email protected]. Thanks and enjoy.

• 2:39Dan Pashman?

  This episode contains explicit language, but if you're familiar with my guests, you probably already knew that.

• 2:50Dan Pashman?

  This is the Sporkful. It's not for foodies, it's for eaters. I'm Dan Pashman. Each week on our show, we obsess about food to learn more about people. And today on the show, we're opening the phone lines, taking calls from folks like you, from a couple of Sporkful listeners with food-related disputes. We're going to dig into the dynamics at play and try to bring resolution. I'm not doing it alone, though. Here to help me today are two people who are perfect for a call-in show because they are well-known for having opinions on just about everything. They are the co-hosts of the podcast The Distraction and two of the co-founders of the website Defector, where they share their opinions on sports, culture, food, and just about anything else that anyone could rant about. First up, we have Drew McGary, who's also a correspondent

• 3:33Dan Pashman?

  for SF Gate, the author of three novels and, most important for our purposes, a one-time champion of Chopped. Welcome, Drew. It is an honor to be in the presence of a Chopped champion.

• 3:43Speaker 01

  It should be an honor for you. You should consider yourself very, very fortunate.

• 3:47Dan Pashman?

  And originally hailing from the great state of New Jersey, my home state as well. He's written for outlets as wide-ranging as Deadspin, The New Republic, and Food and Wine. As if that didn't make him versatile enough, he hosts a Hallmark Channel podcast. This guy does it all. Welcome, David Roth.

• 4:03Speaker 02

  How are you? Thanks for not saying author of zero novels. That is correct. But this is a way nicer way of describing what I've accomplished to date.

• 4:11Dan Pashman?

  Yeah. And is it okay if I call you Roth as Drew does on your podcast?

• 4:15Speaker 02

  Of course.

• 4:15Dan Pashman?

  Okay. I mean, I'm very excited to have both of you on. I love both of your work. Drew, I feel like you and I are really kindred spirits. We're both people who have very strong opinions about very meaningless things.

• 4:28Speaker 01

  Yeah, that sounds about right.

• 4:32Dan Pashman?

  Yeah, I mean, just as one example, you recently wrote a piece on defector that is right up my alley, all about your love of hoisin sauce.

• 4:39Speaker 01

  Oh, yeah, yes.

• 4:40Dan Pashman?

  I really connected with this piece because you talked about falling in love with Mushu pork, which was like my first favorite food.

• 4:46Speaker 01

  Yes.

• 4:47Dan Pashman?

  Like, I remember being in temple and the canter of my temple asked me, what's your favorite food? And I said Mushu pork. And she kind of grimaced and said, I prefer Mushu chicken. And my parents had their hands in their head like, oh, God. I and your vengeful Old Testament God, both are Mushu chicken. But tell me about your love affair with Mushu pork and hoisin sauce.

• 5:10Speaker 01

  I just remember, like you said, it was one of the first, like, my, so I'm 44. So when I was growing up, my parents, because my dad, he did a lot of international travel for his work, he was more familiar with Chinese cuisine. And I was like, I had dumplings for the first time. I was like, holy shit, this is the best thing I ever eaten. And then we had the, we had Mushu pork, where they prepared it tableside, like it was peaking duck. Like, they take the spoon and the fork and they, and they, they handle everything, including the pancake, with the big spoon and the big fork. They never touch it.

• 5:42Dan Pashman?

  Right.

• 5:42Speaker 01

  And they give it, they, and they have like, they have like a, I can't even describe it. It looks like a cake stand. It's that shallow, but it has like a pool, like a cistern of hoisin sauce. And they, and they ladle that around. And I was like, I don't know what that is, but it looks good. And I tasted it and I was like, holy shit, this is amazing. My parents called it duck sauce. They thought it was duck sauce, which is a totally different sauce. So every time, like, for the next decade, every time I got like duck sauce and asked for it, I would get duck sauce. And I was like, this is shit. This isn't duck sauce. And I was totally wrong about it.

• 6:15Speaker 02

  Those were the 10 years for the only time anyone liked duck sauce and it wasn't even duck sauce. It was just a mistaken identity case.

• 6:21Speaker 01

  Yeah. So then, when I finally figured out the real name of it, I was like, oh, my God, now I can find it and buy it and have it anytime I want. So now I have it on my person at all times. Like, I take it on bike rides, I need it.

• 6:34Dan Pashman?

  I also love it. And one thing that I've realized in more recent years, part of why I love it is, I've also, I also love gochujang, the Korean hot sauce. And I also love Coleman's English mustard. And what all three of these sauces have in common is that they have a little bit of Some type of grain in them that gives them a texture. It's not just about the flavor. These, these condiments or sauces, whatever you want to call them, have a unique texture that I find incredibly appealing.

• 7:03Speaker 01

  Yeah, yeah. And Coleman's mustard, if you have too much of it, it will murder you. Like, you will die.

• 7:08Dan Pashman?

  It's intense. It's intense.

• 7:10Speaker 01

  You gotta, you gotta, you gotta be real, real delicate.

• 7:13Dan Pashman?

  Roth, I want to talk a little bit about your perspective on food. I mean, you, you wrote a great piece for Food and Wine, a sort of thoughtful piece on the, the cultural importance of restaurants. You also seem to really like bread in a can.

• 7:27Speaker 02

  The alpha and the omega of the food experience. B and M brand products from Maine. I'm fat, and so my wife is from New England, from Maine. And I mean, I just like foods that are unique to regions in general. I think it's neat. You know, like, growing up in New Jersey, we had our stuff. I mean, there's like Taylor ham or whatever, and like the local products. But a lot of what I ate was just-

• 7:47Dan Pashman?

  Thank you for not calling it pork roll.

• 7:48Speaker 02

  Yes, I would never. I mean, I think, just I respect your listeners too much. But like, it's Italian-American food is what I grew up eating, mostly. You know, and it's what my parents liked to cook. It's what we mostly went out to eat. And so all of these weird, like, I remember my, my wife's late mom make like baked beans in like an earthen pot, a big thing that said like beans on it, and it was old. You know? And I'd had baked beans before, like out of a can or whatever. But there was something about, just like seeing that sort of preparation and that sort of care, and also those like weird products that you can't really get outside of upper New England, like the seriously brown bread in a can. It's delicious.

• 8:29Speaker 02

  It's just like a way to get molasses into your body more effectively than using a spoon. But it is like, you can put butter on it too at the same time. But yeah, like I, I love that shit. And we have made it after, after Kate's mom passed. Like, we've continued to sort of try to, like, around Christmas time when we're up there, just like do a baked bean dinner. And it's, it's good. I mean, everything on the plate is a different shade of like orangish brown, which is not the most appetizing in the world. But like, for me, it's like learning a new type of cooking and eating.

• 9:00Dan Pashman?

  Right. The piece that you wrote about restaurants, I mean, I'm sorry to make you sort of encapsulate it in a nugget, but I mean, you, you made a good case for the idea that, that restaurants and the public consciousness have- Changed in the past decade.

• 9:13Speaker 02

  I sure think so. I mean, I think the idea that like your food comes from someplace, you know, and that you would be interested in knowing about the farm or the method in which it was grown or any of that, like, that's new since I got old. Like, that's new as in, you know, of the last 10 or 15 years, I feel like, outside of, you know, like Chez Panisse or like-

• 9:33Dan Pashman?

  Right, outside of certain very upscale circles. I think that's well said. One more thing we gotta cover before we turn to the phones. Drew, I mean, I'm sure you're really tired of talking about your big victory on Chopped, which was how many years ago?

• 9:47Speaker 01

  Not tired of talking about it, victory on Chopped. It's long enough where, like, it's new to some people.

• 9:55Dan Pashman?

  And we should say, you were on a competition, your episode was a competition among amateurs. You're not a trained chef. But I watched your episode. You did very well. I mean-

• 10:03Speaker 01

  Goddamn right.

• 10:04Dan Pashman?

  You made pavlova, which is something, I mean, I didn't even know what that was. But now I know that it's a meringue dessert because of you, Drew.

• 10:10Speaker 01

  There's, can I, I gotta tell you-

• 10:13Dan Pashman?

  Please.

• 10:13Speaker 01

  Didn't make the final cut, but when they were tasting it, Chris Santos, who's one of the judges, said he had never heard of a pavlova. So I educated the goddamn judges.

• 10:24Dan Pashman?

  Did you practice in preparation?

• 10:26Speaker 01

  I did something where, so the pavlova I made for the dessert round, I looked up a recipe prior and memorized it. I was like, well, I'm not gonna make ice cream, because everyone who makes ice cream is fucked. And I'm not gonna make a Napoleon, because everybody makes a goddamn Napoleon. So it's like, what can I make that's interesting, that also has personal heritage, because I was born Australian, it's an Australian dessert, so I can, you know, I can say that, even though I don't think it's that time to say it.

• 10:52Dan Pashman?

  Right, right.

• 10:53Speaker 02

  They would like it if you did that, too, though. They're always like, why would you, and you have to be like, well, my mom always liked almonds, so-

• 10:59Speaker 01

  I totally, I totally understand. Like, my, you know, my mom made for me, because I was born in Australia, and then my mom died. My mom didn't die. But like, I could've said that, and it would've been very, very, it would've made the show.

• 11:11Dan Pashman?

  Well, I love, I love when you applied for Chopped, and you posted your application answers on Deadspin, and one of the questions was, "Discuss some of the results and rewards of your cooking, the ways your culinary work has touched others." And you wrote, "Dude, you have 19 essay questions on this application. Are you shitting me? This isn't Harvard Law School. I'm not gonna give you some flowery bullshit about my food touching the soul of others. I'm here to make love to your tongue. That's it."

• 11:37Speaker 01

  That's all accurate. That's all correct.

• 11:40Speaker 01

  I don't disavow any of that.

• 11:47Dan Pashman?

  All right, you guys ready to go to the phones? Help some callers out?

• 11:49Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 11:50Speaker 01

  Yeah, let's do it.

• 11:50Dan Pashman?

  All right, hi, who's this?

• 11:52Speaker 03

  Hey, Dan, this is Eliza. I'm calling in from Portland, Oregon with my boyfriend Connor.

• 11:57Dan Pashman?

  All right, what can we do for you?

• 11:58Speaker 03

  So Connor and I recently had an issue come to a head. I do this thing, and I don't know how long Connor's known about it. But basically, when I get oil on my hands from, I don't know, roasting potatoes, eating olives, eating popcorn, if there's not a sink nearby, I'll just kind of rub it into my hands, maybe get a little bit on my forearms. And the other day, we were eating popcorn in bed, and we were finished with the bowl, and my thighs were available, and I just kind of rubbed my hands into my thighs. And that was, it was a problem. I was banished, told to wash my hands. And now we've been discussing whether or not this is an acceptable practice.

• 12:40Dan Pashman?

  This is just because you don't want to get up and go find something to clean your hands with?

• 12:44Speaker 03

  Yeah, it's partially the convenience, but I'm also just not upset by the moisturizing components of the oil. There's lotions with oil in it, cocoa butter. So yeah, it's partially convenience, but I also appreciate my hands being a little bit more moisturized.

• 12:59Speaker 01

  Does popcorn oil offer any SPF protection to any extent?

• 13:02Speaker 03

  I haven't looked into that, Drew.

• 13:05Speaker 01

  Just curious.

• 13:06Speaker 03

  But I wouldn't be surprised if there's some health benefits along the way.

• 13:08Dan Pashman?

  If it does, we're starting a new business, let me tell you.

• 13:12Speaker 02

  Yeah, this is complicated, because it's like, on one hand, it sounds, I keep thinking of the most unreasonable oils possible. You get like anchovy juice on your hands, which is impossible to do and not to do when opening a can. That should not be, I think, rubbed into. It's not, whatever it does for your cuticles, it's going to just make it weird for you if you're ever around cats or people. It's just a strange smell and general like essence. But like popcorn butter, like, I think if I smelled more like popcorn butter, I would just put that one in the W column and keep it moving. Like, that's solid.

• 13:49Speaker 04

  If I can jump in really quick to clarify.

• 13:51Dan Pashman?

  Yeah, Connor, please.

• 13:52Speaker 04

  It is olive oil that was on the popcorn, not butter. We went for a lower fat, little healthier alternative. It was home popped. So, you know, in this case, we're eating in bed, which is already like, that's a risky move.

• 14:04Speaker 03

  I would just like to call out, though, that it was, that was a mutually agreed upon thing to do.

• 14:08Speaker 04

  That's a mutually agreed upon.

• 14:09Speaker 03

  We were eating together.

• 14:10Speaker 04

  Absolutely. I should also point out that as much as I love Eliza, she doesn't have the best hand to mouth coordination, i.e., you know, spills fairly regularly.

• 14:20Dan Pashman?

  Eliza, do you concede that point?

• 14:23Speaker 03

  It's an absolute issue.

• 14:27Speaker 03

  From as early as I can remember, so many white shirt casualties.

• 14:31Dan Pashman?

  Okay, Connor, go on.

• 14:33Speaker 04

  So I think my visceral reaction to the oily hands going immediately to thigh skin is, you know, obviously, I don't want it to rub off on our bed sheets, on to me or my clothing, because that's impossible to get out. I have no problem with you, like, seasoning yourself. That's very reasonable and within your rights to do so. But as soon as I get brought into the fray, I, yeah, I like the feeling of clean hands. And also, I recognize I might have a little bit of like emotional scarring from my childhood. When my mom ever saw me wipe my hands, dirty hands on the skin, I'd get a smack upside the head.

• 15:14Speaker 04

  So it's sort of a triggering reaction that I have, and I recognize that.

• 15:19Speaker 02

  It's a complicated thing. I don't think I understood that this would have like a, like a Terrence Malick flashback sequence. Like, went back to like the dinosaurs in Tree of Life right there. But I like that. I think that there's something, I mean, I know for sure that that, like, I had similar experiences, and I don't, I don't really remember a moment when I like got away from home and I was like, this is my moment. I'm just gonna leave some pudding on my mouth. Because like, who's gonna tell me to get rid of it? But there is an element of like, yeah, this is like terrible freedom to do whatever you want. But like, it doesn't come without, you know, that, that sort of context.

• 15:51Speaker 01

  Eliza or Connor, do either of you ever use your shirt or pants as a napkin in a pinch?

• 15:58Speaker 04

  Never.

• 15:59Speaker 01

  Never? Eliza, what about you? That's a yes.

• 16:06Speaker 03

  I will say it depends on the fabric type.

• 16:10Dan Pashman?

  That's fair.

• 16:11Speaker 03

  The quality of the clothing. If it's like old denim jeans.

• 16:15Speaker 04

  Great napkin.

• 16:15Speaker 03

  Whatever.

• 16:16Dan Pashman?

  Yeah.

• 16:17Speaker 02

  It adds value. It breaks them in.

• 16:19Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 16:19Speaker 02

  Again, not anchovy oil, but other things.

• 16:21Dan Pashman?

  Yeah, no jeans. Like, that's one of the best things about jeans is that they're basically a wearable napkin.

• 16:26Speaker 03

  I completely agree. And to the anchovy point, Roth, I think I would absolutely draw the line at more like, what, meat-based fats? Like, I wouldn't rub schmaltz on myself or duck fat. I like the more, you know, the vegetal.

• 16:41Speaker 02

  There's a difference between treating yourself like a napkin and treating yourself like a cast iron skillet. And I think that's a really important distinction to me.

• 16:51Dan Pashman?

  How long have you two been dating?

• 16:54Speaker 04

  Four and a half years.

• 16:55Dan Pashman?

  And you live together?

• 16:56Speaker 04

  We've lived together, yeah.

• 16:57Dan Pashman?

  Okay. Eliza, have you met Connor's mom?

• 16:59Speaker 03

  Oh, yeah.

• 17:00Dan Pashman?

  Have you wiped your hands on yourself in front of her?

• 17:03Speaker 04

  Oh, good question. Don't.

• 17:07Speaker 03

  Not intentionally. However, it's not something that I'm ashamed of, and it has become such an instinct. And so I wouldn't be surprised if it had happened.

• 17:16Speaker 02

  Have you wiped your hands clean on the mother?

• 17:19Speaker 03

  No.

• 17:20Dan Pashman?

  But she's never smacked you upside the head for it?

• 17:23Speaker 03

  No.

• 17:23Speaker 04

  No, see, my mom's also British, so I think she has the non-confrontational thing with Eliza.

• 17:29Speaker 03

  I mean, the most egregious thing that ever happened with your mom was the first Christmas I went home to. In the span of two days, I broke three champagne flutes. So I don't know. I mean, I guess.

• 17:39Dan Pashman?

  Was it because your hands were oily?

• 17:42Speaker 03

  I was trying to pick them up and clean them. So there's a little bit of understanding of recklessness.

• 17:46Dan Pashman?

  All right. Am I correct that you two do not have any kids?

• 17:50Speaker 03

  Correct.

• 17:51Dan Pashman?

  If and when you do have kids together, what will you do when they wipe their hands off on themselves?

• 17:59Speaker 04

  Inevitably, there would be different approaches. I think I would suggest to the child, please don't wipe your hands on your trousers. We pay for those. I would like to not replace them as regularly as I have to. When you do that, would love it if you would wash your hands. That'd be great if you'd wash your hands.

• 18:21Speaker 02

  I have some unfortunate news for you.

• 18:25Speaker 01

  That's not gonna go the way you think it's gonna go.

• 18:27Dan Pashman?

  Drew is a father of three, so he can weigh in on this as well.

• 18:31Speaker 02

  I love the tone, though. That's definitely the way I would, I mean, again, don't have kids, but the idea of addressing like a rowdy seven-year-old as if they were like an unruly patron at a fancy hotel bar.

• 18:43Speaker 02

  The way to do it.

• 18:45Dan Pashman?

  Do you actually like the feeling of spreading oil, olive oil or whatever, on your skin? Like, is there some party that likes it?

• 18:53Speaker 03

  No, it feels great. I mean, my hands are like, they're more supple afterwards. If there's salt in the oil, seasoning in the oil, it's a little bit gritty and exfoliant. Like, it does a ton for me.

• 19:13Dan Pashman?

  Will Connor come around to Eliza's unconventional moisturizing regimen? Or will Eliza have to start using napkins? When we come back, Drew, Roth and I give our final thoughts and deliver a verdict. Then we take another call from a woman struggling with questions of equality in marriage and in leftovers. Stick around.

• 19:38Speaker 05

  And now, a delicious word from our sponsors.

• 19:46Dan Pashman?

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• 20:28Dan Pashman?

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• 21:13Dan Pashman?

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• 21:51Speaker 06

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• 22:20Speaker 07

  Time for a quick break to talk about McDonald's. It's the tangiest time of the year. For a limited time, head to McDonald's and get a McRib sandwich. Make it a meal by adding a medium fries and a soft drink like an ice cold Diet Dr. Pepper. So grab a McRib sandwich and embrace the tang. Save time by ordering ahead on the app. At participating McDonald's for a limited time. Dr. Pepper is a registered trademark of Dr. Pepper, 7-Up, Inc.

• 22:53Dan Pashman?

  Welcome back to The Sporkful. I'm Dan Pashman. And in case you missed it, we just announced my 2026 Pasta Tour of Italy and spots are open for booking right now. Now, the trip I'm about to go on in just a few weeks, sold out many months in advance. So you want to get on it. We'll start off in Rome, eating with Katie Parla. Then we'll meet up in Puglia. We'll go to Bari. We'll eat Spaghetti alla Assassina at The Source. We'll meet the Orecchete ladies and we'll have some surprises. Last time we got some insanely good focaccia and just ate it outside on the shores of the Adriatic Sea. It was incredible. We stopped in Polignano Amare and it's something called Cafe Speciale. It's espresso, cream, lemon zest and amaretto. Oh, man, that was so good. You never know what's going to happen on these tours. We'll go down to Lecce and cook together.

• 23:37Dan Pashman?

  It's going to be so much fun. You really want to sign up. Head to culinarybackstreets.com/sporkful to reserve your spot today and I'll see you in Italy.

• 23:48Dan Pashman?

  All right, back to the show and I'm joined now once again by the co-hosts of the Distraction Podcast and two of the co-founders of Defector Media, David Roth and Drew McGarry. Hey, guys. Welcome back.

• 23:57Speaker 01

  Hey, let's do it.

• 23:58Dan Pashman?

  We're also joined once again by Eliza and her boyfriend Connor. When Eliza gets certain oils on her hands, like olive oil, she likes to wipe it off on her arms and legs. Connor says, look, do what you want. Just don't do it in a way that's likely to ruin our bed sheets or get oil on me. Drew and Roth, I want to hear from you. Your final thoughts on this situation. Roth, you first.

• 24:18Speaker 02

  I mean, to me, this seems like something that sounds incredibly objectionable just because I had never thought of it. And then the more I hear the argument for what the thing actually is on its merits, the more I'm like, oh, that's actually secretly been normal all along. The only real objection to this is, you know, what it does to the furniture or the broader setting of it. But like, as a personal decision, it seems way more valid than I was initially prepared to allow.

• 24:46Dan Pashman?

  Okay, Drew.

• 24:47Speaker 01

  I oddly will go the other way, uh, because as someone who will do somewhat slob-adjacent things such as that. I have a thing where, you know, I've been married almost 20 years and it's like, you know, if my wife criticizes me, it'll be a thing where it's like, well, this is just something I've always done. This is me. And you know, the thought is, well, you know, Drew, you can, you can change some things about yourself. It's all right. So it's a thing where it's like, you keep it in mind and you sort of start new habits and you realize that you're okay with the new habits and you can give it a shot. And, uh, and see if it works. And then maybe it won't work. And then you just, you end up, no, I, I do have to be the greasy thigh lady. And that's just the way it's going to have to be. You're going to have to deal with it. But, but you're like, you know, it's, it's all about listening and then trying. So there you go.

• 25:33Dan Pashman?

  Connor, you, you would ask us to tell Eliza not to do this anymore? Is that what you're hoping for?

• 25:39Speaker 04

  I don't, I want to say this. I love you the way that you are. I, I don't want you to change your behavior for me. Except for sometimes. And so, and so I guess all, all I would ask is that you, you be cognizant of when we're, when we're eating in bed. You, you know, think ahead, maybe bring a napkin upstairs or a wet one and, you know, take care of the business up there. Um, rather than, you know,

• 26:05Dan Pashman?

  Right.

• 26:06Speaker 04

  knowingly wipe, wipe your hands on the, on yourself or me. Yeah.

• 26:11Dan Pashman?

  Eliza, is there something annoying that Connor does that you could make him stop doing in exchange?

• 26:18Speaker 03

  A trade.

• 26:19Speaker 04

  A trade.

• 26:20Dan Pashman?

  A trade. A trade of pet peeves.

• 26:22Speaker 01

  Well, he embezzles, so you can't.

• 26:28Speaker 03

  Yeah, there's one thing. We haven't discussed this yet.

• 26:32Speaker 03

  We've got a pretty small kitchen, so things need to be where they, where they are meant to be if they're not in use. Uh, and Connor makes a lot of toast and literally never puts the toaster back in its, in its little zone. So it's always on the counter and then I gotta put it back. I'm not willing to completely give up the oiling hands though. Like I would say, I would say, okay, not in bed. If you could put the toaster away, like that's, that's absolutely something I would agree to.

• 27:02Speaker 04

  I will gladly trade you putting the toaster back in its little cubby for no in bed hands wiping on skin.

• 27:10Dan Pashman?

  Dan, does it always work out this well?

• 27:12Speaker 01

  Yeah, we should. Yeah, we shouldn't, we didn't even need to be here. They figured it out.

• 27:17Dan Pashman?

  Seriously, bang the gavel, man. It seems like we solved this shit.

• 27:20Speaker 04

  This is the most, this is the most contentious argument we've ever had.

• 27:25Dan Pashman?

  Right, but if I can give you a little bit of advice, that's sort of like, I'm just raw bartering that you just engaged in Eliza and Connor, like that's the secret to a successful relationship. You know, you gotta be thinking like, all right, you want me to give this up? What can we trade? Let's trade. And now the toaster's gonna be where you want it to be, Eliza.

• 27:44Speaker 03

  I know, this is awesome. I've been thinking about how to bring it up for a while, so I do thank you for allowing us to, uh, to mediate that.

• 27:51Speaker 01

  Turned out going on a food podcast was all you had to do.

• 27:54Dan Pashman?

  All right, well, Eliza and Connor, thank you so much. Good luck with the next bowl of popcorn and batch of toast.

• 28:00Speaker 04

  Thank you.

• 28:01Speaker 03

  Thanks, Dan. It was a pleasure.

• 28:09Dan Pashman?

  You guys ready to take another call?

• 28:10Speaker 01

  Yeah, man. Why not?

• 28:12Dan Pashman?

  Hi, who's this?

• 28:13Speaker 03

  Hi, this is Natalie calling from Nevada, California.

• 28:16Dan Pashman?

  All right, Natalie, what can we do for you?

• 28:18Speaker 03

  So I have, uh, it's more of an internal battle, but we'll bring my husband in eventually. Um, he is the cook of the family, which is great. What happened when we first moved in together, when we were first dating, was that he would cook the meal and he would serve himself and then me the exact same amount. And because it was delicious, I ate it all, all the time. But that was not great for me. It was too much for my belly. So if he serves himself his amount of food and I get served less, am I?

• 28:51Speaker 03

  Entitled to half of the meal or at least equal to what he is eating. You know, for instance, we sit down to a casserole lasagna. So I cut it in half. He gets his half, I get my half. I can eat it when and how I want. He can eat it when and how he wants.

• 29:08Dan Pashman?

  And so your, your, your question basically is should, should you be getting an equal amount of food as him? Or should you be getting less?

• 29:16Speaker 03

  Yes, we split expenses. We input this nearly the same amount of income. Like we pay for the food the same. I should be able to eat what I want at dinnertime, but should also be entitled to leftovers as well equally. So now we also have kids. We have a three and a half year old and a seven month old. So they're also factored into it. How much do they get? Obviously they get much, much less.

• 29:36Dan Pashman?

  Josh, let's bring you in. I know you've been listening. What, what, when did this issue first present itself to you? When did Natalie first talk, tell you about it?

• 29:45Speaker 03

  Uh, I feel like it was a few years ago. Uh, she mentioned something about it, about her kind of stress around, you know, not taking as much of a meal at that moment. But I would kind of keep plowing ahead at dinnertime. And her feeling like she was kind of getting the short end of the stick.

• 30:04Dan Pashman?

  It, it seems to me that Natalie, the question is, is your fair share 50%? In this case, or is your fair share one meal's worth? Whatever that is for you as an individual person. And, and the amount of food that is one meal's worth varies from one person to the next, based on a wide range of factors.

• 30:23Speaker 03

  Correct, I agree.

• 30:26Dan Pashman?

  And so i- if Josh made twice as much lasagna, would you still want 50%? Or would you then be happy with 25%? Is it about having half or it's about just having enough for you to be able to keep eating it because it's yummy?

• 30:40Speaker 03

  For me, it's about having, getting half.

• 30:42Speaker 02

  Really? So even if it's, if half is two lunch portions as opposed to the one, you feel like you've, you've put in the work. You've, uh, you know, paid the cost to enjoy a boss sized portion of lasagna. Okay, I sort of understand that, but I also feel like this is one of those areas where it seems like there's room to get to yes, if I may use a sports blogger slash podcaster term on this one. Basically, if you want a leftover amount to like, cover a meal in the middle of the day, for instance, then maybe the size of that meal matters less than the fact that it qualifies as one unit of Natalie food.

• 31:19Speaker 06

  Yeah, I do often ask him when he takes a bite of my food to take a Natalie-sized bite versus a Josh-sized bite.

• 31:26Speaker 02

  So you've already, you've begun exploring the relativistic space of like, eating and portioning, so it seems like there's possibly some traction there.

• 31:36Speaker 05

  And just to be clear, like, I'm mostly fine with, you know, with her wanting to claim 50% of whatever it is. I don't, I don't really have a problem with that. I've been thinking a lot about it over the past 48 hours of like, trying to come up with, you know, the different arguments in favor of what would entitle me to 50% plus, or whatever, and, you know, one of them being that I do most of the cooking, so does that mean that I should get a little bit more? Or, you know, the fact that Natalie is way more of a snacker than I am, so relatively more of my caloric intake go, happens at meals, so should that entitle me to, you know, a little bit more than 50%?

• 32:14Speaker 05

  But I feel like with me, the biggest issue that this brings up is kind of more on the, I don't know, sociological front, and it's like, when we're kind of dividing it up evenly, or trying to divide it up evenly, it kind of brings to the table sort of a atmosphere of competition and the uncertainty. And I feel like Mr. Ross was getting at this a little bit earlier, and it's like, that kind of goes against what I would like the family meal to be, which is kind of a relaxed sharing of food.

• 32:52Speaker 02

  But is there ever a scenario where, Josh, you cook dinner, you each get your respective portions for dinner, Natalie's being less, and then there's...

• 33:02Dan Pashman?

  Only a small amount of the thing left. And there's a choice where either Josh can have seconds and Josh is still hungry. Or Natalie can have that piece wrapped up to eat as leftovers later. Are you ever in that exact situation?

• 33:19Speaker 01

  Yeah, that's pretty common, yeah.

• 33:20Speaker 05

  But we wouldn't discuss, we wouldn't say those are Natalie's leftovers. They would just be wrapped up and then there would be an unspoken who gets the leftovers.

• 33:33Speaker 01

  Well, you need to write on it with a fucking Sharpie, you know? Hey, this is mine. Otherwise, otherwise it's gonna stay there and it's just gonna be like this passive aggressive talisman that you're both gonna have imaginary arguments about before you've even argued about it.

• 33:47Dan Pashman?

  Drew and Roth, what do you guys think about this situation?

• 33:50Speaker 02

  And this is a tough one for me. I feel like it can be done as long as everybody's just sort of on the same page and talking. They're just boring, annoying conversations. I mean, like, I wish I could give you like a funnier answer, but at some point you're gonna have to just like sit down and freaking hash it out about the grain salad that you made and how that's going to be divided out over the course of the rest of your week. But it's definitely better than like getting secretly seethingly mad at 2:00 in the afternoon when you realize your lunch isn't there. Like, I think you gotta prioritize one bad experience over the other.

• 34:20Dan Pashman?

  Drew?

• 34:21Speaker 01

  Uh, I think if you're either openly or silently wring your hands over the, you know, exact equality between things that are in the house, I think that that, I think you should just let that go. Like, I don't, I don't think it's healthy. The other thing is that you have two kids, I have three kids, I have to, you know, their intake of things is never equal because if I buy something from the store, it's just fucking gone. And you have to do accept at some point that things are not gonna be ever perfectly divided and equal. So what you can do is Josh can be cognizant of making sure that there is enough of what Natalie wants when she wants it, of the food, and that Natalie can be conscious of the fact that she has a big hungry husband who's gonna want some, who's gonna want the big piece of chicken once in a while.

• 35:06Speaker 01

  And you meet, you meet there, but I think if you're, if you're obsessing over, you know, the exactness of the proportions of who gets what, I don't, I don't think that that's good.

• 35:16Dan Pashman?

  I hear you Natalie, because I see in you someone who just, you're an eater and you love food. That is what I'm getting from you. And, and when, when someone cooks something really, really delicious, you don't, like, you want as much of it as you can have. And if you can't fit it all in your belly in the first sitting, it's not fair that someone else should get more.

• 35:38Dan Pashman?

  That being said, to ask Josh like not to sit there at the table and not eat the delicious food that he just prepared when he's still hungry. Uh, and it's the foods right there so that you can have some tomorrow also feels like a big ask, like leftovers are supposed to be the things that like that nobody finished. I think the most obvious solution here is Josh just needs to cook more food at once.

• 36:01Dan Pashman?

  So Josh cook more food, but Natalie, let go of the 50 50 concern. Like, you know, you'll get yours. You'll eat a good meal, you'll get some leftovers, you know, it will even out in the end.

• 36:14Speaker 02

  I do think, uh, there's just something really delightfully, uh, calling into a food podcast about this whole thing ending up like, you know, a sensitive conversation about relationships, but then at the end they're like, you just gotta make more noodles, man. You gotta do a box and a half.

• 36:27Speaker 01

  Well, also the other thing is that maybe Natalie, to in the interest of balance, Natalie should, uh, be allowed to ask this question to three female podcasters. Cause otherwise she's, you know, there's three big lads she's talking to. So it's like.

• 36:40Dan Pashman?

  Yeah. Do you think, do you think that's part of the dynamic here, Natalie? Like, like, um, being the woman in the relationship, is there like a, a, an equality issue here that, that is also important to you?

• 36:52Speaker 05

  I think only momentarily because I'm also technically feeding our seven and a half, seven month old through nursing. So I do need more food right now because I am providing nutrition to one of our children directly, but generally outside of that timeframe, no.

• 37:07Dan Pashman?

  Okay.

• 37:08Speaker 02

  I'll share a bit of wisdom that I remember from a, a deli, um, menu at the kosher nose in, uh, Waldwick, New Jersey, where I, uh, near where I grew up.

• 37:17Dan Pashman?

  I love the kosher nose.

• 37:18Speaker 02

  You know, the kosher nose.

• 37:19Dan Pashman?

  Of course, kosher nose, yes.

• 37:20Speaker 02

  So do you remember they had a special where you could get one and a half sandwiches? Which was a weird thing that I've never seen at a deli before. And they had a little rhyme for it and it said, one, not enough, two, too many. Try one and a half and you won't leave any.

• 37:35Dan Pashman?

  Ah, very wise. So Josh, buy yourself a half a lasagna pan to supplement your full lasagna pan.

• 37:42Speaker 02

  Simple as that.

• 37:42Dan Pashman?

  And all your problems will be solved.

• 37:46Speaker 02

  Good luck, guys.

• 37:46Speaker 01

  Good luck.

• 37:47Speaker 05

  Thank you.

• 37:55Dan Pashman?

  Well, David Roth, Drew McGary, this was a blast. Thank you so much.

• 37:58Speaker 01

  Of course. Of course, anytime.

• 38:00Dan Pashman?

  That's Drew McGary and David Roth. You can find their writing at defector.com. That's the subscription website they co-founded. And you definitely got to check out their podcast, The Distraction. If you want smart and funny sports talk with a lot of very entertaining tangents and opinions, including many about food, listen to The Distraction. We'll also link to their social media profiles and more of their work, including Drew's books and his writing for SF Gate and Roth's Hallmark Podcast, all at sporkful.com. This show is produced by me along with senior producer-

• 38:31Speaker 06

  Emma Morgenstern.

• 38:32Dan Pashman?

  And producer- Andres O'Hara. Our editor is-

• 38:35Speaker 06

  Tracy Samuelson.

• 38:36Dan Pashman?

  The show is mixed by- Jared O'Connell. Music help from Black Label Music. The Sporkful is a production of Stitcher. Our executive producers are Peter Clowney and Daisy Rosario. Until next time, I'm Dan Pashman. And I'm Sam Rahim in Ipsilanti, Michigan, reminding you to eat more, eat better, eat more better.

• 39:07Dan Pashman?

  This reheat was produced by- Gianna Palmer. The team that produces The Sporkful today includes me along with managing producer- Emma Morgenstern. And senior producer- Andres O'Hara. Our engineer is- Jared O'Connell. Music help from Black Label Music. The Sporkful is a production of SiriusXM Podcasts. Our executive producer is Camille Stanley. And hey, did you know you can listen to The Sporkful on the SiriusXM app? Yes, the SiriusXM app, it has all your favorite podcasts, plus over 200 ad-free music channels curated by genre and era, plus live sports coverage. Does your podcasting app have that? And there's interviews with A-list stars and so much more. It's everything you want in a podcast app and music app all rolled into one. And right now, Sporkful listeners can get three months free of the SiriusXM app by going to

• 39:49Dan Pashman?

  siriusxm.com/sporkful. Until next time, I'm Dan Pashman.

• 39:59Dan Pashman?

  Hey, everyone, it's Stavros Halakis, and I'm here to tell you about my podcast, Stavie's World. Each week, we're joined by great guests like Josh Saft, the Eric

• 40:06Speaker 04

  Caleb Heron and more. It's sort of an interview show, but really we're just messing around, making each other laugh and hopefully making you laugh while you're washing the dishes or grocery shopping or on a long drive. Plus I take listener calls where we have honest conversations about dating, life and everything in between. Imagine if your therapist was a vulgar degenerate whose office was in a Greek diner. No scripts, no polish and absolutely no holding back. Listen to Stavi's World wherever you get your podcasts.

• 40:37Speaker 07

  Time for a quick break to talk about McDonald's. It's the tangiest time of the year. For a limited time, head to McDonald's and get a McRib sandwich. Make it a meal by adding a medium fries and a soft drink like an ice cold Diet Dr. Pepper. So grab a McRib sandwich and embrace the tang. Save time by ordering ahead on the app at participating McDonald's for a limited time. Dr. Pepper is a registered trademark of Dr. Pepper, 7-Up Inc.