MBMBaM 826: Right to the Couch Hole

Psst. Hey. Listen, we have a trade to offer you. We’ll give you phone holsters, no-holds-barred flavor, and more hot takes on Dr. Doom. All you gotta do is tell us where to find the couch dump. Suggested talking points: Space Debtor's Prison, Dog Mayor of Buffalo Wild Wings, Unexpected Sensory Experience, Travis the Witness, The Mutineer, the Surrogate Native Women Lead: https://www.nativewomenlead.org/

Speaker names marked ? are inferred from speaking time and the show’s known hosts — they are not voice-verified.

• 0:00Speaker 00

  The McElroy brothers are not experts and their advice should never be followed. Travis insists he's a sexpert, but if there's a degree on his wall, I haven't seen it. Also, this show isn't for kids, which I mention only so the babies out there will know how cool they are for listening. What's up, you cool baby?

• 1:11Travis McElroy?

  Are we, are we on? Are we live?

• 1:13Travis McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 1:14Travis McElroy?

  Okay. Uh, hello everyone and welcome to my brother, my brother and me, Justin McElroy. Thank you for being with us. Uh, everybody, thank you so much for being here today.

• 1:24Travis McElroy?

  I'm your midless brother Travis, big dog wolf of room from the heater award winning McElroy.

• 1:30Griffin McElroy?

  It feels inappropriate to do all the preamble stuff in your thing.

• 1:34Travis McElroy?

  Yeah, but I didn't, I didn't want to not show this moment the respect, you know?

• 1:37Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah. My name's, my name's Griffin and I'm very sorry. I'm the most, no matter what we say or are about to say, I'm the most sorry of the three of us.

• 1:45Travis McElroy?

  It turns out Doctor Doom is like a really cool badass.

• 1:53Travis McElroy?

  Bad dude.

• 1:54Griffin McElroy?

  We had a clip from the episode where we did discuss Doctor Doom, Doctor Victor Von Doom. Sorry. Uh, we need to put as much respect on that name. It did break containment and went viral.

• 2:05Travis McElroy?

  It did break containment. Our audience is sophisticated. Okay. Our audience understands that we're doing a very complex meta-layered bit where we acknowledge we know about the superhero guy.

• 2:20Travis McElroy?

  A lot.

• 2:20Travis McElroy?

  But also pretend that we don't know about the superhero guy in a way that's still funny. If you know, but if you're not part of our like twisted fucked up world, like that we've built over the past decade.

• 2:35Griffin McElroy?

  Best word for it. It's fucked up. When we say Doctor Doom isn't as strong as the big purple alien man, that's fucked up to say because like, I know his name. I know what he brings to the table.

• 2:46Travis McElroy?

  Right.

• 2:46Griffin McElroy?

  But that, but someone who has not familiar with us.

• 2:49Travis McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 2:50Travis McElroy?

  They hear me.

• 2:50Travis McElroy?

  Our engagement, our engagement bait. You ever see the people in the Tik Tok ads? And they'll do the whole ad with a big glob of spaghetti sauce on their face. It's like, all the comments are like the spaghetti, go get it. It's like, yeah, yeah. This is kind of our version of that where we'll say something wrong about Doctor Doom and just wait for the white guys just pile on top of us.

• 3:10Travis McElroy?

  We're like, oh, a big magnet would stop him. And then they're like, he's got cosmic armor that protects him from reality forged from the demon skin of his ex-girlfriend.

• 3:20Travis McElroy?

  Now tell me another one and buy some javi while you're at it. Keep clicking, pal.

• 3:24Travis McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 3:25Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 3:26Travis McElroy?

  Click all our ads.

• 3:27Griffin McElroy?

  Do click all our ads. It's, I don't mind doing that type of content, but I want to know that we're doing it while we're, so I can be very, very careful about the words that I use, like saying Doctor Doom is not a sorcerer or like whatever it happens to be.

• 3:41Travis McElroy?

  People did share that, I think with friends. I think some people maybe shared that clip with friends. They knew it would irritate and then they comment.

• 3:50Travis McElroy?

  A real Travis move.

• 3:51Travis McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 3:52Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 3:52Travis McElroy?

  Yeah. Like they're trying to bait people into it.

• 3:55Griffin McElroy?

  I've never once shared anything to anyone I care about in my life. That's like, hey, go shit on this for me. I've never once sort of like had the thought of like, this sucks. It makes me mad. Jeff's gotta see this.

• 4:10Travis McElroy?

  That's most of what Travis texts us though, right?

• 4:12Travis McElroy?

  Like most of Travis's material is that, right?

• 4:16Travis McElroy?

  Yeah. My thing is like, well, they won't like this, but people will like that. They don't like it, you know?

• 4:22Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah. I guess I'm just saying, I don't do, I don't do that.

• 4:25Travis McElroy?

  You know what? I don't apologize. Doctor Doom's a villain. Doctor Doom is a villain and anyone who defends him is also a villain.

• 4:33Griffin McElroy?

  Wow. Okay. The defending, I don't, again, I don't think people were saying.

• 4:37Travis McElroy?

  People were like, he's actually very nice and he deserves a kiss on the cheek.

• 4:42Griffin McElroy?

  They wanted us to know he was very strong because we talked shit about like, you're gonna, Captain America is gonna beat this physician's ass. And I, I just, I didn't, um, I wasn't careful.

• 4:51Travis McElroy?

  I mean, I don't want to double down here, but if I could just say one thing, Doctor Doom, Doctor Doom is, okay, we have to establish the stakes of a villain, right? Why are we afraid of them? We have to do that work narratively. Thanos poofed half of all people away.

• 5:08Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 5:09Travis McElroy?

  That's so, that's twisted. That's so wild. That's so many people. And he just did it like, it was almost as if just a snap. He's like in a snap, he made everybody poof away. Doctor Doom's not gonna do shit like that.

• 5:23Griffin McElroy?

  Close to that, I don't think.

• 5:25Travis McElroy?

  I'm willing to eat our words if in this movie, at some point, Doctor Doom snaps and like 53% of the population poofs away.

• 5:33Griffin McElroy?

  Sixty-six percent of the population.

• 5:34Travis McElroy?

  He needs to find one more turbo gem. If you find a turbo gem.

• 5:39Griffin McElroy?

  We know they're not turbo. We know they're not.

• 5:42Travis McElroy?

  They're chaos emeralds.

• 5:43Travis McElroy?

  Yeah, but this would be a turbo emerald.

• 5:46Travis McElroy?

  Whoa.

• 5:47Travis McElroy?

  Put in that links the other ones and is like, I've ramped it up. It's like, wow, feels pretty rad. It's like, now try snapping. It's like, whoa, you just wiped out 57% of the population. It's just like that little bit, that would get me excited. Now where I've got sequelitis. Now I'm, now I'm ready.

• 6:04Griffin McElroy?

  The shit Thanos did was so monumental that you can't watch a Marvel television show and not spend the whole time thinking like, I hope no one about to get snapped because they won't tell you when the show takes place. You'll just be watching, you know, Ms. Marvel.

• 6:21Travis McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 6:21Griffin McElroy?

  And you'd be like, I love the grandpa character. And then he's poof, because he gets snapped by Thanos.

• 6:26Travis McElroy?

  Mid-sentence in some of these shows.

• 6:27Griffin McElroy?

  Sentence just gets him poofed.

• 6:28Travis McElroy?

  I do think that was an amazing choice by Kevin, I want to say Fage. I'm going with Fage.

• 6:36Travis McElroy?

  Feige, never going to book one of these flicks, are we?

• 6:39Travis McElroy?

  But it could be like, if this actor starts asking for a little bit too much money to come back for season two, they actually got, they got poofed away.

• 6:48Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 6:48Travis McElroy?

  Yeah. I got it snapping.

• 6:49Griffin McElroy?

  Audience doesn't like this character? That's fine.

• 6:52Travis McElroy?

  They must've gotten in the poof. I guess they were in the poof. I didn't realize.

• 6:55Travis McElroy?

  Oh, it was a delayed snap.

• 6:57Travis McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 6:58Travis McElroy?

  They got him.

• 6:59Travis McElroy?

  So sorry, Doctor Doom. I guess. I don't know.

• 7:02Travis McElroy?

  I don't know, man.

• 7:03Travis McElroy?

  This is an advice show and the way it works is you send us questions and we read them and then we see if we can help. My neighbors like to leave free items in our back alley for others to come by and claim. Recently a neighbor placed a shit ton of cinder blocks in the alley. My rough count is around a hundred blocks. Context in very good condition. If it were just four or five cinder blocks, I could easily ignore this, but a hundred blocks feel like a challenge against my capacity for craft. Brothers, if I take on this block burden, what should I do with them?

• 7:37Griffin McElroy?

  Who's that from?

• 7:39Travis McElroy?

  That's from Cinderella in Columbus.

• 7:41Travis McElroy?

  What do you think? I haven't even think about this when pulling the question, but what scenario do you think led to this person having a hundred?

• 7:50Griffin McElroy?

  A hundred extra unwanted.

• 7:53Travis McElroy?

  Good condition. So this wasn't like, they weren't at any point like mortared together.

• 7:58Griffin McElroy?

  If they were putting up a retaining wall, they suck shit at math. Maybe it's just what it is, is just, or, or spatial sort of reasoning. Cause they bought a hundred too many cinder blocks and those shits are not cheap.

• 8:11Travis McElroy?

  The scale of project you would have to be doing to accidentally over buy a hundred cinder blocks is like, it took a hundred thousand cinder blocks.

• 8:20Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 8:21Travis McElroy?

  Right? And like, that's how many I ordered. And then I only ended up using 909,900 of them.

• 8:27Griffin McElroy?

  Right.

• 8:28Travis McElroy?

  Uh, I, uh, I have a story about this. I, Sydney wanted a wall, uh, at the house.

• 8:37Travis McElroy?

  Between you guys?

• 8:39Travis McElroy?

  No, no, no. Retaining wall outside for gardening purposes. And she wanted to, the way that happens is that me and Tommy go to the block store and buy hundreds and hundreds of, blockbuster, buy hundreds and hundreds of cinder blocks and then build a wall. We've done it a couple of times now at a couple of our different houses. Uh, and I went to pick up the blocks in a truck. Uh, and what I understood about this truck was that it had, uh, 10,000 pounds of towing capacity.

• 9:11Travis McElroy?

  Cool.

• 9:11Travis McElroy?

  And so when I went to the store where they had the blocks, the gentlemen were like, so there's a huge pallet of blocks here. Um, what should we do with them? How do you want to do this? And I'm like, um, well, I did a little quick math and my 10,000 pound towing capacity can handle this. No problem. So you get the forklift there, guys. You just lift the pallet up, pop it right down in the truck bed. And they did. And it fell a little low.

• 9:44Griffin McElroy?

  Was there some maybe

• 9:47Travis McElroy?

  So I started driving. I started driving. And the thing is that you guys need to know about that I discovered between Lowe's and the bank on Route 60 near Target. Yeah. Is that towing capacity is different from hauling capacity.

• 10:06Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 10:06Travis McElroy?

  Cause hauling capacity has a downward force chassis of your vehicle.

• 10:14Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 10:15Travis McElroy?

  So while I'm driving, I Google, hey, I'm doing this. Am I good? And the, the Google says, no, oh no, you are not good. You're about three times past good.

• 10:27Griffin McElroy?

  Oh, no.

• 10:28Travis McElroy?

  Stop now.

• 10:30Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 10:32Travis McElroy?

  I'm surprised your car didn't develop sentience to start yelling.

• 10:36Travis McElroy?

  It was like lean, it was like squatting. It was like squatting down. It was push. I could feel it. And man, it hated turning.

• 10:45Travis McElroy?

  Oh, man.

• 10:46Travis McElroy?

  Really playing with that object in motion.

• 10:48Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 10:49Travis McElroy?

  I barely dragged it in this bank and I could see it bending. And I'm like, ah, fuck, I gotta. So I'm like.

• 10:56Travis McElroy?

  See what bending?

• 10:57Travis McElroy?

  The truck. So I opened the

• 11:01Travis McElroy?

  I started taking blocks out one at a time. This is a mega, this is a like a half ton load. And I am unloading cinder block by cinder block.

• 11:11Griffin McElroy?

  How are the bank people feeling about this?

• 11:14Travis McElroy?

  It's a Sunday. I'm alone.

• 11:15Griffin McElroy?

  Okay.

• 11:16Travis McElroy?

  I'm alone in the bank parking lot luckily. And I had to call Sydney and I say, I don't know what to

• 11:22Griffin McElroy?

  I bet the car.

• 11:24Travis McElroy?

  I bet the car. No, I had to unload roughly 300 cinder blocks from this, from this thing.

• 11:30Travis McElroy?

  When you called Cindy and said, I don't know what to do. Did you think her doctor training was gonna help here in some way?

• 11:39Griffin McElroy?

  I don't know that anyone's really prepped for the exact situation you got yourself into.

• 11:43Travis McElroy?

  Guys, once you have accepted you're the dumbest person alive, pretty much anybody is going to be helpful.

• 11:50Travis McElroy?

  That's true.

• 11:50Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 11:51Travis McElroy?

  Do you know what I mean? Especially the smartest person I know.

• 11:54Griffin McElroy?

  Right.

• 11:54Travis McElroy?

  So multiple car trips later, I will tell you, there were like 40 cinder blocks that I just couldn't.

• 12:02Griffin McElroy?

  Okay.

• 12:02Travis McElroy?

  That I just couldn't. And I hope the bank put them to good use and I'm sorry. And that is how sometimes there might be a pile of cinder blocks around.

• 12:12Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah, the cinder block fairy comes and fucks up.

• 12:15Travis McElroy?

  Never know. You never know. Good quality bricks. Free to a good home.

• 12:20Travis McElroy?

  Maybe they're still there.

• 12:21Travis McElroy?

  Maybe they're still there. Maybe they've been incorporated into the bank. Maybe the land has reclaimed them.

• 12:25Travis McElroy?

  It's the wildest geocache in history, folks. Go get yourself a cinder block from the bank.

• 12:32Griffin McElroy?

  I don't know if a hundred is enough for this, but there was a time where Rachel and I were living together in Austin on 37th Street and there wasn't much to do around there. And so, um, the one bar that was like within walking distance of our place was a, was an establishment that was constructed out of cinder blocks called Nasty's.

• 12:55Travis McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 12:55Griffin McElroy?

  And so Nasty's was kind of our stomping grounds for, did we take you to Nasty's?

• 12:59Travis McElroy?

  No, it just, if you are building a bar out of cinder blocks.

• 13:02Griffin McElroy?

  Oh, it must be called Nasty's.

• 13:03Travis McElroy?

  Theo's right.

• 13:04Griffin McElroy?

  And there was some stuff that they did. I think it was like thematic where they had like bras and panties like stapled to the ceiling. And they had, uh, the flattest beer I've ever drank. And one time

• 13:14Travis McElroy?

  It's a good stapler that can get into cinder block. I gotta say.

• 13:17Griffin McElroy?

  Me and my friends went there once. I don't know. The ceiling was like plywood or something, but the, my friends and I went once for an open mic comedy night just to watch.

• 13:25Travis McElroy?

  FEMA shelter perhaps? Is this a real?

• 13:28Griffin McElroy?

  Possibly a repurposed FEMA shelter. We went for an open mic comedy night one time and we sat down and it, the vibe was really weird. And after about five people had gone up on stage and done their jokes, one of which was completely stolen from Carlos Mencia. And it was crazy that like I even clocked that. Uh, someone said, you guys know, you're the only ones here who are not performing. You're the ones we're delivering all of these jokes at, and to, and we were like, whoa, that sucks.

• 13:55Travis McElroy?

  So you got up and did a tight five?

• 13:57Griffin McElroy?

  So we got up and did a tight leaf. Um, but Nasty's was, I mean, the construction costs on that place must've been quite low. You could make your own cool little bar.

• 14:08Travis McElroy?

  Nasty's too.

• 14:09Griffin McElroy?

  Nasty's too, your own establishment.

• 14:11Travis McElroy?

  It's nastier than ever.

• 14:13Travis McElroy?

  The problem is that with a hundred blocks, right? I, I'm assuming you're doing this by hand. Maybe you have some kind of heavy duty hand truck, but let's say you're doing it by hand. Even if you could pick up a cinder block in each hand, you're looking at 50 trips.

• 14:28Griffin McElroy?

  Sucks.

• 14:29Travis McElroy?

  And the chances that you will be clocked.

• 14:32Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 14:32Travis McElroy?

  Doing this, moving these blocks a not far distance.

• 14:38Travis McElroy?

  There, there is a, there is a point, and I can vouch for this, at which the,

• 14:44Travis McElroy?

  the, the monetary value of something and its physical heft start to shift, start to shift places. You know what I mean? It was like, it was, it was like back during, uh, the, the peak of COVID when they couldn't sell oil. They were just giving it away. It's like that, right? Eventually you're like, fuck blocks. I don't want, there's too many. It's a problem now. They no longer have value. Now it's just a chore.

• 15:05Travis McElroy?

  And trust me, as someone who constantly has the impulse of seeing something and going, well, you're getting rid of that? I could use that, but not actually having a plan for it. What's gonna happen? You're gonna haul these hundred blocks to your backyard. Then you're gonna try to think of a crafting thing to do with it. And you're not gonna come up with one. And two weeks later, those blocks are gonna be back in the alley. And now your neighbors are gonna see that those blocks are now behind your backyard.

• 15:28Griffin McElroy?

  They know you gave up.

• 15:31Travis McElroy?

  They thought they could use those, just like I thought. And then you find out that these are the sisterhood of the traveling cinder blocks. And they've just been moving down the alley as people have picked them up thinking, well, that's a hundred cinder blocks. I could use those. And they've changed everyone's life to realize I'm not creative and I actually need to get rid of these blocks.

• 15:50Griffin McElroy?

  Pizza oven.

• 15:51Travis McElroy?

  Oh shit. Good point. Okay.

• 15:52Travis McElroy?

  That's good. Cinder oven pizza.

• 15:55Griffin McElroy?

  Big pizza oven. A lot of people want to do bricks. Fuck that. Concrete for me. Thanks.

• 15:59Travis McElroy?

  Yeah, you could do some industrial pizzas in that.

• 16:01Griffin McElroy?

  Industrial strength pizza crust on these bad boys.

• 16:05Travis McElroy?

  Hmm. Real black at the bottom, real white at the top.

• 16:09Travis McElroy?

  Real light, like doughy at the top.

• 16:11Griffin McElroy?

  Chemical taste, chemical taste on it.

• 16:14Travis McElroy?

  Hmm. Little gum, little gum on there.

• 16:17Travis McElroy?

  You think the first pizza oven backyard was made out of straw and it burned up? And then the next one was made out of sticks? And that burned up? And then finally they did it out of bricks and they were able to roast a whole pig?

• 16:28Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah. Whoa.

• 16:29Travis McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 16:30Griffin McElroy?

  Probably not. That.

• 16:32Travis McElroy?

  I'm dog sitting. Can we move on? Yeah, I was about, we both sense.

• 16:35Griffin McElroy?

  It's a shame that I interrupted you there, cause I think you said dog shitting and.

• 16:39Travis McElroy?

  We'll never know.

• 16:40Griffin McElroy?

  Damn.

• 16:40Travis McElroy?

  I'm dog, uh, I'm dog sitting for my neighbor's parents, who I don't know very well. They went on, uh, about how excited they were to have someone responsible watching the dogs as their last dog sitter had lost their spare keys immediately. And they'd had to call a locksmith. Well, it's the second day of dog sitting and some movers they hired came in to take the old couch and put in a new one. Problem is, I realized after the moving guys had left, that my keys, which the spare keys were attached to, had been left in the old couch that was taken. Fuck. How do I get in contact with the movers? I don't remember the moving company they used to get my keys back without letting the people in dog sitting for know that I lost their spare keys.

• 17:24Travis McElroy?

  They're paying me really well and I want them to hire me again. That's from Irresponsible in Iowa.

• 17:28Travis McElroy?

  I also love, once again, that you're really worried about this and not the fact that your own keys are lost.

• 17:35Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah. You need them.

• 17:37Travis McElroy?

  That's a tomorrow problem. You gotta take these things one at a time. You can't eat a whole elephant.

• 17:41Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 17:41Travis McElroy?

  You gotta slow down a little bit.

• 17:42Travis McElroy?

  Well, that's what you do. You call the, the, the owners and you say, listen, before I say anything else, I've protected your key with my life. I've got it right here in a special chain around my neck, but my keys, I don't care about those guys, cause they're not yours. They're not special like your key is. I did leave those in the couch.

• 18:03Travis McElroy?

  Um, I, you could maybe, uh, bury the lead a little bit and just be like, they come home, be like, I'm so sorry. There's been a terrible crime. I had, I tried to stop them, but these mean men took your couch and the, they stole your couch. And I guess they felt bad later, cause they brought a different one, uh, back. And then I guess they, I asked for your old couch back. They said they didn't have it. But I'm so sorry. I let them steal your couch. I was a victim here and they beat the shit out of me.

• 18:35Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah, I beat my ass up bad.

• 18:37Travis McElroy?

  I threw my keys at them. I threw my keys at them to try to dissuade them from stealing it. And they beat my ass so bad for it.

• 18:45Griffin McElroy?

  One of them ate the keys and he got bigger from it.

• 18:47Travis McElroy?

  I did that thing they teach in self-defense class where you put your keys between your fingers, but I put them in backwards, the wrong way. And then when I hit the guy.

• 18:57Travis McElroy?

  And then he laughed at me. And he did that thing that they always do in movies.

• 19:01Travis McElroy?

  A nice new couch though.

• 19:02Travis McElroy?

  Yeah. They did that thing that I was doing in movies where they kick the person in the stomach when they're like kind of posed on their side. Perfect position to be kicked in the stomach. And it's not as fun as it looks in the movies.

• 19:13Griffin McElroy?

  I didn't like it. Can't, I don't, you could call the locksmith too, right? But this, the locksmith can't make a new key for you. They can just get you in the door. What they can do, and this is a service that not a lot of people talk about, is they can change the lock. Now no one's got keys to the house. You're all on even playing field now. No one's got keys to this house.

• 19:36Travis McElroy?

  Squatters, right?

• 19:36Griffin McElroy?

  We don't, we don't know how to get into your house. It seems like everyone fucked up equally here.

• 19:42Travis McElroy?

  Yeah, you could fake that they've never existed.

• 19:45Griffin McElroy?

  Oh, yeah.

• 19:47Travis McElroy?

  They come home, their key doesn't fit the lock. You don't know them. You don't recognize them.

• 19:52Travis McElroy?

  You will have to train the dogs.

• 19:54Travis McElroy?

  That seems like a big play.

• 19:55Travis McElroy?

  You're gonna have to train the dogs to like you better. That's gonna be a whole thing and it teaches the dogs to ignore the owners when they come back. It's gonna be a tough putt, but you can do it.

• 20:05Griffin McElroy?

  Tough sell.

• 20:06Travis McElroy?

  I would have attached the keys to the dog. That doesn't help you now, but just something to think about.

• 20:10Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 20:11Travis McElroy?

  If you lose one.

• 20:12Travis McElroy?

  Have the dog sniff out the couch.

• 20:16Travis McElroy?

  Oh, Travis, that's good. Actually, hold on. Now, hold on.

• 20:20Griffin McElroy?

  You need a smell, you need a trace smell of the couch.

• 20:23Travis McElroy?

  Yeah, we, I was thinking, unless like, do you think they left a cushion? Or some sort of, but it's gonna have the house smell, right? You just be like, fine house.

• 20:32Griffin McElroy?

  Fine house.

• 20:33Travis McElroy?

  House. Just, ha- hold it up so I can smell the house.

• 20:38Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 20:38Travis McElroy?

  It'll get it. And then they'll be like, get the couch and then open the door and let their dog go.

• 20:42Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah, let it huff some of your jeans that you wore on the couch earlier in the week. I'm assuming you haven't done laundry yet. The dog will be able to get a scent from that. Then what you do, no leash, that's important.

• 20:53Travis McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 20:54Griffin McElroy?

  I know as a dog walker, it's encouraged, but you gotta let it ride. If it's gonna track down this stink for you, you gotta let it ride and you pop off that leash and then you start running, cuz it's gonna start.

• 21:04Travis McElroy?

  No, you don't start running. You have the other dog to watch at home. Just tell that dog to come back with your keys when they find them.

• 21:11Griffin McElroy?

  Awesome.

• 21:12Travis McElroy?

  Tell that dog to find the first dog.

• 21:14Travis McElroy?

  Well, I mean, if it comes to that, sure.

• 21:16Griffin McElroy?

  That's a real air bud.

• 21:18Travis McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 21:19Griffin McElroy?

  Getting me out of a sticky situation.

• 21:20Travis McElroy?

  I think that's what happened in that movie with the two dogs and the cat.

• 21:25Griffin McElroy?

  Homeward bound?

• 21:26Travis McElroy?

  Homeward bound, yeah. The cat got away. They sent one dog after the cat and they're like, wait, that was the dumb dog.

• 21:32Griffin McElroy?

  It was a little old lady who swallowed the flies situation, for sure.

• 21:35Travis McElroy?

  They should have sent a horse after the two dogs and the cat. The horse would have brought him back.

• 21:39Travis McElroy?

  Do you guys think there's, I wanna help. Do you think there is one central couch dumping spot in town? Do you think that they've already taken it to the couch dump? Or do you think there's like a waystation in between? Like, I cannot imagine this furniture store is in the business of like tidying couches up and reselling them at a profit, right?

• 22:02Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah, I mean, it depends.

• 22:03Travis McElroy?

  They're probably taking it to the couch dump?

• 22:04Griffin McElroy?

  Probably taking it to right to the couch hole.

• 22:07Travis McElroy?

  But then you just gotta ask some cool teens where they hang out and drink beers in secret. Cuz like, guarantee it's the couch dump.

• 22:16Griffin McElroy?

  Now, the couch hole would be dope for drinking secret beers.

• 22:18Travis McElroy?

  The couch hole would be so cool for drinking beers.

• 22:21Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah, dude.

• 22:22Travis McElroy?

  Go to the quick trip, stand outside with your ID out.

• 22:25Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 22:26Travis McElroy?

  And just a wad of cash. And it's like, when any teens walk by, like, can I buy you some beer to show?

• 22:31Griffin McElroy?

  Show me where the couch is.

• 22:32Travis McElroy?

  Can I buy you some beer to show me where the couch dump is?

• 22:34Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah, yeah. That could work.

• 22:37Travis McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 22:37Griffin McElroy?

  I don't see any problem with that plan.

• 22:39Travis McElroy?

  That's actually good because they will, once they're there, you could be like, I could actually, I would love some help.

• 22:47Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 22:48Travis McElroy?

  Getting this.

• 22:48Griffin McElroy?

  There's a lot of couches here, I forget.

• 22:50Travis McElroy?

  There's a lot of couches here. If ever we could just dig through the couches, that, I guess you guys are probably doing that anyway. That's how you spend your Fridays.

• 22:56Griffin McElroy?

  If you're kicking it at the couch hole, you're looking for change, basically.

• 22:59Travis McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 23:00Griffin McElroy?

  Around the clock.

• 23:03Travis McElroy?

  Do you think the teens that run the couch dump are checking cushions for keys, though, as soon as couches come in?

• 23:10Travis McElroy?

  Hmm. Now, Justin, the word you used there was run the couch dump.

• 23:14Travis McElroy?

  Rule is what I meant to say, rule.

• 23:15Travis McElroy?

  Okay, okay, okay. I was trying to figure out what the business model.

• 23:19Griffin McElroy?

  Couch dump, like in Lord of the Flies.

• 23:20Travis McElroy?

  Okay.

• 23:21Griffin McElroy?

  They used to have parents, now they have trash.

• 23:23Travis McElroy?

  You walk up and you see a bunch of keys on tall, sharpened sticks to send a message like, no grownups welcome in here, this is what happens to you.

• 23:32Griffin McElroy?

  Only boomers have keys.

• 23:33Travis McElroy?

  Oh, my God, that's so true.

• 23:35Griffin McElroy?

  I think, is it time for the retractable lanyard to make a sort of like, not comeback, but just sort of like?

• 23:42Travis McElroy?

  Well, a snapback.

• 23:44Griffin McElroy?

  To a snapback, like a proliferation where now anyone other than, you know, maybe, uh, janitors or sanitation, uh, workers, custodial staff. I love that look of a zzzup. And you let it go, you let it go and it, right to your head.

• 24:04Travis McElroy?

  Hit you right in the nuts.

• 24:05Griffin McElroy?

  Hits you right in the tip of your dick.

• 24:06Travis McElroy?

  We're all torn, aren't we? I mean, I think, I think anybody's ever seen that, or at least, I should speak for myself. Uh, I'm always riding the line. I mean, I see it, I'm like, God, that would be cool.

• 24:16Griffin McElroy?

  That would be cool.

• 24:16Travis McElroy?

  Not just cool, but convenient, easy. I don't know what even, you know what I mean? Like, I don't need something in my hands all the time. I just like, I love the, maybe like a, a pocket knife.

• 24:26Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 24:27Travis McElroy?

  And then it's like, zip back.

• 24:29Travis McElroy?

  Zip right back.

• 24:30Travis McElroy?

  You gotta remember the second half of the equation.

• 24:34Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah, the zip back is important, actually. There's not a lot of stuff I want trucking towards my stuff.

• 24:44Travis McElroy?

  Fair enough.

• 24:44Griffin McElroy?

  I mean, phone, like, I don't know, I feel like we, we really blew it with the like, phone holster and it became, like, even before we were out of like, the, the, the 20th century, people were like, that's dork shit. And now.

• 25:01Travis McElroy?

  If we had normalized it and it, we wouldn't have a gun problem in this nation, and I believe that.

• 25:06Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 25:06Travis McElroy?

  If we just all had, if we were packing, yeah, if we were like, all packing a phone, we wouldn't need it anymore. This would have been, you know, we would have, we would have like the confidence of something being holstered.

• 25:18Travis McElroy?

  Is this, guys, we have to be very careful here because we are, Griffin's almost in his 40s. We're all dads of an age, talking as though we've just realized phone holsters are a great idea and cool and maybe we misjudge them as though we're young people making this realization. But in fact, we are

• 25:40Griffin McElroy?

  Just aged into.

• 25:40Travis McElroy?

  The target audience, yeah.

• 25:42Griffin McElroy?

  Right, for the phone holster.

• 25:43Travis McElroy?

  Aged into the demo of the phone holster.

• 25:45Griffin McElroy?

  I guess I'm just mad, I'm mad at those fucking nerds from the late 90s with their flip phones.

• 25:53Travis McElroy?

  Uncool.

• 25:54Griffin McElroy?

  For making it not cool.

• 25:55Travis McElroy?

  To your point, Travis, I do think it would be useful to have a phone holster, but I'm too cool and sexy

• 26:03Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 26:03Travis McElroy?

  To have a phone holster. I can't do it, even though it would be very useful in my day to day and it appeals to me.

• 26:10Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 26:10Travis McElroy?

  I can't do it.

• 26:11Travis McElroy?

  Phone ankle holster, like your backup weapon, like, they always have like.

• 26:15Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah, that's what I wanna do. Every time I wanna collect my eggs in the idle game I'm playing, I wanna do a full fucking full bend over, a full reach down.

• 26:25Travis McElroy?

  To look like, I want it to look at a glance like I should be at home with my ankle monitor. I want it to be indistinguishable.

• 26:32Travis McElroy?

  Maybe like a back holster, like it was a shotgun in Evil Dead.

• 26:37Griffin McElroy?

  That's cool.

• 26:38Travis McElroy?

  Big, long phone.

• 26:41Travis McElroy?

  You're gonna need a long phone for it to work.

• 26:44Griffin McElroy?

  I don't know, that's gonna get like, I think it's crazy when people are like, don't use cell phones cuz it shoots all the radiation into your brain. I'm like, that's ridiculous. But if I did keep it right there, Trav?

• 26:53Travis McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 26:54Griffin McElroy?

  I don't know, it seems like I'm flirting with disaster. Like, I don't necessarily adhere to that, but like, I don't know, I wanna keep it right next to the base of my skull.

• 27:01Travis McElroy?

  I was gonna say like, one of those shoulder kinda ones, like mobsters have in movies. But that feels like it's gonna lead to a lot of.

• 27:10Griffin McElroy?

  Rib, yeah, I mean, you don't want that, you don't want that. We want people to be safe out there, obviously.

• 27:14Travis McElroy?

  Yeah. I, you know what I was always jealous of? Cuz I knew I could never pull it off. When the people would jog with like their iPods and phones and stuff on their arms?

• 27:22Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 27:23Travis McElroy?

  In those straps. And I'm like, I know, I'm, I don't look aerobic enough to justify that.

• 27:30Griffin McElroy?

  Right.

• 27:31Travis McElroy?

  But when you see someone jogging along and they have it like, on their bicep and they're doing it, you know, they're like, cool, over your head, oh.

• 27:40Griffin McElroy?

  Man, I did a, I had a, a brief flirtation with Couch to 5K back when I lived in Austin and

• 27:46Travis McElroy?

  How far did you make it?

• 27:47Griffin McElroy?

  At that time, fucking living room, half a K, point 5K. Um, I, I had a, I like one of those iPhone XLs at that point. And keeping that attached to your arm and running with it, there's no amount of tightness you can do that doesn't cut off circulation and also doesn't make the phone flop around all crazy with every single step. That was a rough, that was a rough time for me.

• 28:12Travis McElroy?

  Oh, my God, call the owners and say, hey, I've been working on a couch to 5K and now that this new couch is here, it's not the same.

• 28:22Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 28:22Travis McElroy?

  I can't, I'm not feeling the same motivation as when I was couching on your couch to 5K.

• 28:28Griffin McElroy?

  Right.

• 28:28Travis McElroy?

  Can you tell me who those movers are? So I can see if I can start my 5K from where that couch is.

• 28:35Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah. Can you just say I need the name of that moving company cuz I like the way they move it? And then you can keep it, I was, I'm thinking about hauling a little, uh, personal cargo and I could use some help and I like the way they move it.

• 28:50Travis McElroy?

  Maybe you calling or like, hey, I'm here with somebody who says that they are supposed to take your couch, but that doesn't sound right. Did you hire a moving company? And if so, what name would you have used to do that?

• 29:02Griffin McElroy?

  What name?

• 29:03Travis McElroy?

  That's something you probably should have done initially.

• 29:06Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah. Yeah, you should have confirmed, if you were gonna be there, you should have confirmed who the people, the strangers who were gonna come into the house.

• 29:14Travis McElroy?

  Did they bring a new couch with it? Or did they maybe take the old couch and say they'd be bringing in the new couch later and it's still not there?

• 29:21Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 29:21Travis McElroy?

  Because you might have gotten robbed.

• 29:24Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah, that's a classic, that's a classic house sitter mix move right there. That's tough. That's tough. You can't shake that rep. I think one of the main things is, don't let people take our couch

• 29:34Travis McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 29:35Griffin McElroy?

  Under false pretenses. And not with your, our house keys inside.

• 29:40Travis McElroy?

  If they find out.

• 29:41Griffin McElroy?

  One thing away, if you take one thing away from our answer to your advice question is, don't lose your keys, guys.

• 29:46Travis McElroy?

  Don't lose your keys. I'm, I'm surprised, if it was my house, they'd just be like, fuck, there's so many popsicle sticks, I can't even believe it. How'd you get so many popsicle sticks in this couch? There's, it's under it and around it? They're all stuck to it? How, why'd you do this? Uh, can we take a quick trip to the money zone?

• 30:05Griffin McElroy?

  I'd love to.

• 30:05Travis McElroy?

  I insist.

• 30:06Griffin McElroy?

  Thank you.

• 30:16Griffin McElroy?

  Hey, I've been using Quince.

• 30:18Travis McElroy?

  You have?

• 30:18Griffin McElroy?

  Quince. I've been using Quince. Uh, when I came into this summer, uh, my wardrobe, I realized was in dire

• 30:26Travis McElroy?

  Yeah, it was so bad. It was so jacked.

• 30:30Travis McElroy?

  The worst.

• 30:31Travis McElroy?

  This absolute garbo.

• 30:33Griffin McElroy?

  Okay, so, so I realized, I guess, when the summer started, that a lot of my stuff didn't fit or look good.

• 30:39Travis McElroy?

  Ugly, man. I made him look like a kid wearing a dead suit.

• 30:42Travis McElroy?

  Travis, don't say ugly, he can hear you.

• 30:45Travis McElroy?

  Oh shit.

• 30:46Griffin McElroy?

  Did you say the clothes were ugly, or they made me look ugly?

• 30:50Travis McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 30:50Travis McElroy?

  You're not an ugly person.

• 30:52Travis McElroy?

  No, the clothes, they didn't highlight your natural contours and beauty.

• 30:57Griffin McElroy?

  Okay.

• 30:58Travis McElroy?

  Well, I love your lines. You know that.

• 31:00Griffin McElroy?

  You are always talking about the shape I cut, and I do appreciate that. Quince is a much better steward of my shape and my lines and my curves, my bodacious body.

• 31:10Travis McElroy?

  Yeah, man.

• 31:10Griffin McElroy?

  I'm gonna say that word that way, but it's just how it came out.

• 31:13Travis McElroy?

  You've been looking a lot more bodacious lately.

• 31:15Griffin McElroy?

  Thank you. It's because of Quince. Uh, I, I, I use them to basically update my summer wardrobe. I got some really, uh, comfy tees. I got some, uh, you know what I got a lot of was some like lightweight linen, short sleeve button ups. I have zero of those that fit me, and, uh, I love all the stuff they've sent over. And now my wardrobe is ready. And guess what? Fall's just around the corner. So if you need longer stuff, Quince can help you get there, too. They can help you pad out your stuff with just like staple stuff, uh, just stuff you're gonna wear all the time. And it's all priced 50 to 80% less than similar brands, because they work directly with ethical factories and cut out the middlemen. Uh, if, if you're gonna get yourself a, just a new, a new look, a new lineup, a refresh, uh, I, I, I can't recommend

• 32:00Griffin McElroy?

  Quince enough. The prices are great, and, uh, it all fits great and, and, and looks really good, too. Upgrade your everyday. Download the Quince app for app-exclusive offers, or go to quince.com slash mybrother. Get free shipping on your order and 365-day returns. Now available in Canada and the UK, too. That's Q U I N C E dot com slash mybrother.

• 32:20Travis McElroy?

  Don't be like Griffin. Get better clothes.

• 32:22Griffin McElroy?

  I did do it.

• 32:23Travis McElroy?

  Oh, right.

• 32:24Griffin McElroy?

  So be like Griffin.

• 32:28Griffin McElroy?

  You all right, Juice?

• 32:28Travis McElroy?

  I just blasted off. Hey, guys, I'm calling from space. I just blasted off. Yeah, I'm in a rocket ship to debtor's prison.

• 32:34Griffin McElroy?

  Oh, no.

• 32:36Travis McElroy?

  Yeah, I'm going to the really bad debtor's prison in space. I just never figured out a way to, uh, get control of my money.

• 32:42Travis McElroy?

  They're gonna make you mine like Mars or something to make it habitable?

• 32:46Travis McElroy?

  Yeah, I gotta mine the atmosphere of Mars with, uh, uh, an oxygen laser. And I'm gonna do that for a hundred thousand years, but they have chemicals that are gonna keep me alive. God, I wish I figured out a way to get my money right.

• 32:59Travis McElroy?

  Oh, Justin, I wish you had told me sooner, because I would have told you use Rocket Money. Ironically.

• 33:04Travis McElroy?

  Uh-huh.

• 33:05Travis McElroy?

  No.

• 33:06Travis McElroy?

  Yeah, right.

• 33:06Travis McElroy?

  No, Rocket Money's real.

• 33:09Griffin McElroy?

  That's really funny, Travis.

• 33:11Travis McElroy?

  I get it. Justin's being blasted to space debtor's prison and Rocket Money, yeah.

• 33:16Travis McElroy?

  No, I can see, I can see the irony, but it's a real thing that would have saved you from a hundred thousand years.

• 33:22Travis McElroy?

  I can see Ironton from here, actually.

• 33:24Travis McElroy?

  So you're not that far. Ask them to turn around.

• 33:27Travis McElroy?

  Okay, uh, you know what? I'll parachute out. Keep telling me about Rocket Money.

• 33:31Travis McElroy?

  Okay, so Rocket Money, I use Rocket Money in my everyday life.

• 33:35Griffin McElroy?

  No, I must interrupt. I don't think you can parachute out of a rocket. I'm pretty sure there is a flame situation happening.

• 33:41Travis McElroy?

  It wasn't that far up. You could still see Ironton.

• 33:44Griffin McElroy?

  No, I, I know, but there's still the enormous plume of white-hot flame.

• 33:48Travis McElroy?

  He jumped out.

• 33:49Travis McElroy?

  Griffin, tell me you're SpaceX investor. Tell me you're SpaceX investor. All right, Rocket Boy, we got you.

• 33:56Griffin McElroy?

  All right.

• 33:57Travis McElroy?

  If you've made some bad investments like Griffin has, then Rocket Money is

• 34:05Griffin McElroy?

  I actually invested in SpaceX. Just the idea of it.

• 34:09Travis McElroy?

  Yeah, I misspoke.

• 34:11Travis McElroy?

  Yeah. Everything he had, he liquidated all of his assets.

• 34:16Griffin McElroy?

  Into the idea, into the idea of zero G porking.

• 34:21Travis McElroy?

  Zero G spot, they called it. It was terrible.

• 34:26Travis McElroy?

  So Rocket Money, I use on a regular basis to keep track of not only my spending, but it will categorize, uh, like the spending you do, so it's a lot easier to go through later and see like what your habits are, where you can cut back. And it will reveal your spending patterns, let you know like, hey, you spend this much on this kind of thing. Is that really what you're comfortable doing? And you get reports in it, real-time alerts for large transactions. Um, and sometimes like deposits, if, I, I'll get the deposits to let me know like, hey, you have a little more money available. And it's really nice to help with scheduling stuff and planning stuff, and I cannot recommend it enough. Um, so Rocket Money is a

• 35:09Griffin McElroy?

  You all right? Was that the sound of you landing, dude?

• 35:13Travis McElroy?

  How are your bones? So Rocket Money is a personal finance app that helps find and cancel unwanted subscriptions, and monitors your spending, and helps lower your bills so you can grow your savings. Let Rocket Money help you reach your financial goals faster. Join at rocketmoney.com slash mybrother. That's rocketmoney.com slash mybrother. Rocketmoney.com slash mybrother.

• 35:36Speaker 04

  Hi, I'm Andrew Reich, and I host Ed Pilat Society, and I am here with Max Fun Member of the Month Jacob Eads. Thank you so much for being a listener of our show, and congratulations on being this month's Member of the Month.

• 35:49Speaker 05

  Pleasure to meet you.

• 35:50Speaker 04

  What made you take the leap to become an actual member of Maximum Fun?

• 35:55Speaker 05

  I'm spending all this time listening and enjoying them for content, because it's not like just supporting one podcast either. It's supporting a whole network of people. So I feel like the dollar really goes a long way.

• 36:08Speaker 04

  Can't tell you how much we appreciate it. And as our Member of the Month, you will be getting a $25 gift card to the Maximum Fun store, a special Member of the Month bumper sticker. You can take that card with that bumper sticker and drive it to the parking spot at Max Fun headquarters in Los Angeles, which will be there just for you.

• 36:30Speaker 05

  I might have to get one of my friends to bring like a cardboard cutout of me who lives in Los Angeles, just to show that I was there.

• 36:38Speaker 06

  Support the shows you love, including this one. Check the show notes for a link or go to maximumfun.org/join.

• 36:45Speaker 07

  Hey, Max Fun listeners, it's me, Jackie Kation. I have a podcast with Lori Kilmartin. Say hi, Lori. Hi, Jacqueline. Hi, Max Fun listeners. But I'm very formal. We have a podcast, and it's about stand-up comedy and how much we love it and how much, uh, we dislike some of it. So listen to that podcast. It's called The Jackie and Lori Show. We drop new episodes every Wednesday that gives us plenty of time to decompress from our comedy weekends and discuss things with sane, level heads. No, it doesn't. If you are a woman our age or a man our age, or you know what? Any person of any age. I think you'll enjoy your podcast. Jackie and Lori Show on MaximumFun.org. Bye.

• 37:39Travis McElroy?

  I wanna munch.

• 37:40Travis McElroy?

  Squat.

• 37:43Travis McElroy?

  I want to munch.

• 37:45Travis McElroy?

  Squat.

• 37:48Travis McElroy?

  Welcome to Munch Squad. It's a podcast of the podcast profiling the latest and greatest in brand eating.

• 37:54Travis McElroy?

  Okay.

• 37:55Travis McElroy?

  Today, we're going back to a local favorite, by which I mean, it's opened three times in Huntington and keeps closing. It's Buffalo Wild Wings.

• 38:05Travis McElroy?

  Oh, yeah.

• 38:07Griffin McElroy?

  I didn't know that we had added a third, a third sort of cycle.

• 38:11Travis McElroy?

  So here's what happened. Did, uh, you remember the one down at the place that, on Fourth, where Travis ate the really spicy wings?

• 38:18Griffin McElroy?

  I remember that.

• 38:19Travis McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 38:19Travis McElroy?

  So then they opened the one

• 38:20Travis McElroy?

  Hands went numb.

• 38:22Travis McElroy?

  Yeah. They opened the one at the mall, and that was a big, like, full B-Dubs, and they couldn't keep it open, which, God help you, if you can't keep a B-Dubs open at the Huntington Mall, you are officially bad at business. I'll just go ahead and say it. You fucked up. But now there's a BW3s to go. So you can't get the luxury of sitting in there, but you can get them sent to you via delivery.

• 38:44Griffin McElroy?

  Okay, cool.

• 38:45Travis McElroy?

  More on that later. Buffalo Wild Wings debuts first-ever Poppin' Ranch, a savory ranch poppin' candy.

• 38:54Griffin McElroy?

  Finally.

• 38:55Travis McElroy?

  Oh, that brings the crunch and the crackle to wings.

• 39:00Travis McElroy?

  What?

• 39:00Griffin McElroy?

  Dude, this feels like the most like, let's get on Munch Squad. Like, it's been a while since we've been on Munch Squad. We need something. And then they came up with Poppin' Savory Ranch Candy.

• 39:11Travis McElroy?

  The brand reimagines ranch in a playful, multi-sensory way, launching July 20th ahead of National Chicken Wing Dance, July 29th. Sorry to have missed it.

• 39:23Travis McElroy?

  Also, Popin Ranch sounds like a euphemism for boner that like a college friend is trying to get going.

• 39:31Travis McElroy?

  I'm over here poppin' ranch.

• 39:32Griffin McElroy?

  I mean, it sounds like it's it's it sounds like a crude reference to ejaculate. I think in my opinion, that's what I was popping.

• 39:39Travis McElroy?

  That's fair.

• 39:40Griffin McElroy?

  Poppin' mad ranch last Saturday night.

• 39:43Travis McElroy?

  It was uncontrollable. I'm really concerned.

• 39:47Travis McElroy?

  I was popping so much ranch, I flunked out of college.

• 39:50Travis McElroy?

  I don't know.

• 39:51Travis McElroy?

  No, no. Buffalo Wild Wings is turning up the flavor with the launch of its newest menu innovation, Poppin Ranch. Launching July 20th at participating Buffalo Wild Wings sports bars and Buffalo Wild Wings go locations nationwide. That's what I got. Poppin Ranch reemits the iconic flavor fans already love by transforming it into a playful, multi-sensory experience that quite literally pops.

• 40:18Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah, yeah, dude.

• 40:20Travis McElroy?

  Whether sprinkled directly onto wings, mixed into ranch, or added to a favorite Buffalo Wild Wings menu item, Poppin Ranch offers a bright burst of savory ranch flavor, followed by an audible pop and a crackle that brings even more excitement to every order.

• 40:36Travis McElroy?

  I'm so glad that one of those options wasn't poured directly on tongue.

• 40:41Griffin McElroy?

  Like, yeah, it doesn't seem to suggest a direct application, which I appreciate.

• 40:46Travis McElroy?

  But they know, right? I think I can I actually think that they don't say it because it won't give people the same sick thrill when they do it, if it's like permissible, you know, like they want to know that they've stepped outside the lines.

• 41:00Travis McElroy?

  Oh, I'm looking at the package here. There's actually a Surgeon General's warning at the bottom that it should not be consumed directly on tongue.

• 41:07Travis McElroy?

  Yeah, Surgeon General's warning, go to a different restaurant. B-Dubs has done something that has never been done before with Poppin Ranch, says Tristan Moline, the brand president of Buffalo Wild Wings.

• 41:19Travis McElroy?

  Is he clutching a cigar?

• 41:21Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah, yeah, why is he?

• 41:22Travis McElroy?

  It's an evil genius. It's an evil genius in this one. But he's listed as the brand president of Buffalo Wild Wings, which makes it sound like fake, like, like an honorary president, like you would let a dog be mayor. Yeah, he's the quote, president of Buffalo Wild Wings.

• 41:38Travis McElroy?

  He's the president of the brand of Buffalo Wild.

• 41:41Travis McElroy?

  We got a little badge for him and everything. I get to wear a sash. B-Dubs has done something that's never been done before with Poppin Ranch. It takes that classic pop and candy you remember and pairs it with our signature ranch flavor.

• 41:59Travis McElroy?

  And ruins it.

• 42:01Travis McElroy?

  Ruins both in the process. It's an unexpected sensory experience that sounds wild, tastes delicious, and has to be experienced to believe.

• 42:13Travis McElroy?

  You know what else is an unexpected sensory experience? Getting slapped out of nowhere.

• 42:17Griffin McElroy?

  Getting slapped by a stranger.

• 42:18Travis McElroy?

  Like, if somebody just were to suddenly slap me, I'd be like, that was an unexpected sensory experience. Not something I would pay someone at BW3's to do to me.

• 42:28Travis McElroy?

  If I was walking out of a funeral and somebody dumped a big bucket of dead sardines on my head, that would be a very unexpected sensory experience.

• 42:34Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah, I also I also find ranch to be a pretty aggressive flavor anyway. And also, pop candy, pop rocks are sort of an aggressive sort of texture. No matter what, if I'm eating either one of those, I'm hanging on for dear life. The idea of combining both of those, eh, it's it's it just seems like too much, man.

• 42:54Travis McElroy?

  I found that whole paragraph adorably sweet for some reason, Griffin, that the flavor of ranch and pop and candy might be too much for you to handle.

• 43:05Griffin McElroy?

  One time at church camp, I ate so many warheads that I burnt my tongue real bad. And then I ate some ranch flavored Pringles that mom had packed for me in my suitcase. And it hurt so bad to eat it because I had fucked up my tongue so bad eating all the warhead candy.

• 43:23Travis McElroy?

  Are you okay?

• 43:25Griffin McElroy?

  This was a long time ago. I'm fine now.

• 43:26Travis McElroy?

  I know, but I assume it's had lasting effects.

• 43:29Griffin McElroy?

  I made good choices. Now I don't eat the pop and ranch. This has no appeal. Does, is there any part of you that's even? I have zero percent, not even morbid curiosity about what eating the pop and ranch would be like. This is, this is completely lost on me.

• 43:44Travis McElroy?

  Uh, I mean, I don't, I'm not a big ranch guy. It's just so aggressive. I mean, I've tried before, but it's like, whoa. Knock me over. It's like a very bold flavor.

• 43:54Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 43:54Travis McElroy?

  I would not source it. I would not source this, but if I was somewhere.

• 43:58Griffin McElroy?

  In front of you, I guess, is the question. If you're at a party and your friends are like, hey, we're poppin' ranch.

• 44:03Travis McElroy?

  Oh, I'd try it.

• 44:04Griffin McElroy?

  Okay.

• 44:04Travis McElroy?

  Not because I think it'd be good, though. Let me be clear.

• 44:07Griffin McElroy?

  Just for the story, for the vine, I get it.

• 44:08Travis McElroy?

  The experience.

• 44:10Griffin McElroy?

  I don't even want it for the vine, man.

• 44:12Travis McElroy?

  So this is, there's, there's two other images I just want to share.

• 44:14Travis McElroy?

  This is, yeah.

• 44:15Travis McElroy?

  Here's them sprinkling the pop and ranch like onto a meal to illustrate like that that you could do that. That's no problem.

• 44:24Travis McElroy?

  But the meal is so wet. Doesn't that ruin the pop part of it?

• 44:30Griffin McElroy?

  Maybe. You don't want the pop to happen in the mouth, though. You really don't.

• 44:34Travis McElroy?

  Now, this is the last image. Here we go. Here's the last one. Here's the last image. Now, it's just a huge pile of pop and ranch on one wing.

• 44:43Griffin McElroy?

  It's a snowbank of savory pop candy, uh, sitting mostly on one wing.

• 44:51Travis McElroy?

  They've chosen one to really, well, Griffin, why? Well, because it's available for just 99 cents per packet. Poppin Ranch gives guests an easy way to customize their order, whether they're leveling up wings, sides, or anything in between. Because when it comes to flavor.

• 45:07Griffin McElroy?

  With a lover, a kiss.

• 45:09Travis McElroy?

  Because when it comes to flavor, there are no rules.

• 45:13Travis McElroy?

  There should be.

• 45:14Griffin McElroy?

  So not true, man. There's lots of rules for flavor.

• 45:17Travis McElroy?

  I'm pretty sure there are.

• 45:19Travis McElroy?

  Name one flavor rule, Griffin.

• 45:21Griffin McElroy?

  Um, I mean, you can't, you can't, um.

• 45:27Travis McElroy?

  Toothpaste and orange juice.

• 45:29Griffin McElroy?

  That's not really a rule, like.

• 45:31Travis McElroy?

  They're bad. Don't put them together.

• 45:32Griffin McElroy?

  Is there a law that could be applied to? I mean, you don't want to hurt people. You don't want to burn people, like, not just like super spicy, but like.

• 45:41Travis McElroy?

  Don't serve it so hot that they burn their tongue?

• 45:44Griffin McElroy?

  That's not really even a flavor thing, though, right?

• 45:45Travis McElroy?

  Is it?

• 45:46Griffin McElroy?

  No. Yeah, I guess there are no, you're right. There's no rules for flavor.

• 45:51Travis McElroy?

  I think the only rule is that when you eat something that's too mommy and someone says it's too mommy, you have to say, ooh, mommy afterwards, right? Or it doesn't count.

• 45:59Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 46:00Travis McElroy?

  I think wings are supposed to be kind of crispy. So to me, if you're like, it's like, it feels like artificially juicing the the crispiness of it. It feels like an admission that you don't know how to get them crispy. So you don't know how to make them crispy.

• 46:17Travis McElroy?

  You don't think that BW3's is delivering an authentic Buffalo Wings experience?

• 46:22Travis McElroy?

  I think the BW3's has opened three times and keeps getting closed, and I'm not making them close. So somebody is.

• 46:31Travis McElroy?

  Hmm.

• 46:31Travis McElroy?

  You tell me.

• 46:32Griffin McElroy?

  Can I say maybe it's because of fucking shenanigans like this? Maybe if we talked about an investment in the core product? If we talked about, where's the, where's the, where's the wek is what I'm asking.

• 46:43Travis McElroy?

  Where is the wek?

• 46:45Griffin McElroy?

  Bring the wek back instead of doing these fucking memes.

• 46:48Travis McElroy?

  I can now tell you guys about my experience because I saw this story yesterday and I thought, I'm going to do right by my brothers. I'm going to try, I'm going to get some of this stuff.

• 46:56Griffin McElroy?

  Oh, great.

• 46:57Travis McElroy?

  So I ordered, I ordered from BW3's last night, BW3's go. And I waited a good half hour and then I got an update that my

• 47:07Travis McElroy?

  around the world dipper sampler had been canceled.

• 47:10Travis McElroy?

  No.

• 47:10Travis McElroy?

  I think it's because they no longer have

• 47:12Griffin McElroy?

  Sucks, dude.

• 47:13Travis McElroy?

  The delicious peri peri sauce or the delightful avocado sauce. So many of the sauces from the, from the around the world sampler were canceled and I was heartbroken and I was, I mean, I was trying to recover. And then 20 minutes went by and the entirety of my order was canceled.

• 47:30Travis McElroy?

  Wait, huh? What changed in that 20 minutes?

• 47:34Travis McElroy?

  What changed in that 20 minutes? That's question one. That's a very good question that I would like to begin with. First of all, they didn't have that sampler. That's fine. Okay. It was seven o'clock at night. I don't understand. BW3's just said like, no, I'm not going to do it.

• 47:53Griffin McElroy?

  No dinner.

• 47:54Travis McElroy?

  I refuse to give him dinner. No dinner. They're open still. They were open last night. They're still open today. They just decided that I couldn't have it. They, I couldn't have dinner. And I called the service that I used to have the meal delivered to me that may or may not have been a sponsor of the show at one point. And I said, what about the dinner? And they said, well, we've already put $5 in your account. Like, I said, but why won't they bring me the dinner?

• 48:19Griffin McElroy?

  Right. What did I do wrong?

• 48:21Travis McElroy?

  And unfortunately, they said they can't, they can't contact BW3's. So I don't know. I guess it's just a mystery for the ages. I think they were so embarrassed about not having this special crispy powder that they didn't even want to bring the order. That's they were humiliated.

• 48:34Travis McElroy?

  They knew, they knew that was the only thing you wanted, but they didn't have it.

• 48:37Griffin McElroy?

  I mean, Justin, is it possible that they knew you were gonna dump on it here on our huge hit podcast?

• 48:43Travis McElroy?

  They recognize your name.

• 48:45Griffin McElroy?

  I'm saying you're definitely in a database somewhere.

• 48:48Travis McElroy?

  I would have made my kids try it and tell you what they thought. I wouldn't have tried a ranch thing myself.

• 48:52Griffin McElroy?

  It's an aggressive flavor. I think you and I can both agree on it.

• 48:55Travis McElroy?

  It's literally a flavor you put on stuff to make that flavor less aggressive.

• 48:59Travis McElroy?

  Funky.

• 49:00Griffin McElroy?

  Wow, alright, man.

• 49:01Travis McElroy?

  Okay.

• 49:01Griffin McElroy?

  The cream does most of that work, Travis. The ranch flavor is aggressive.

• 49:04Travis McElroy?

  Boys, I'm just saying between this and your full-throated endorsement of, of cell phone holsters, you're not doing yourselves a lot of flavor favors, talking about how ranch is a little too strong for you.

• 49:17Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah. Yeah, I don't know, man. I, it's just, I'm trying to be authentic.

• 49:22Travis McElroy?

  Yeah, it's just too much.

• 49:23Griffin McElroy?

  I can try to be younger if you want, like cooler. I know that that's sort of like been sort of my trademark.

• 49:30Travis McElroy?

  Griff, I think that was kind of a nice balance when like I was kind of the older one and you were kind of like the wild one.

• 49:35Griffin McElroy?

  What was I?

• 49:36Travis McElroy?

  Could be contained.

• 49:37Travis McElroy?

  What was I?

• 49:38Griffin McElroy?

  What?

• 49:38Travis McElroy?

  What was I?

• 49:39Travis McElroy?

  Steady hand at the red.

• 49:40Griffin McElroy?

  The witness.

• 49:40Travis McElroy?

  Thank you.

• 49:41Griffin McElroy?

  What's a witness?

• 49:42Travis McElroy?

  The observer. The mutineer.

• 49:49Griffin McElroy?

  This surrogate.

• 49:51Travis McElroy?

  You're the key.

• 49:54Travis McElroy?

  You're the key to it all. You're fated to die. And it depends on which, who I side with.

• 50:02Griffin McElroy?

  Travis, I didn't realize-

• 50:03Travis McElroy?

  And you, my friend of the tower.

• 50:05Griffin McElroy?

  I said that purely as a joke, not realizing that it was the meanest imaginable thing that I can say. Like, yeah, we're over here doing bits and you're just kinda watching.

• 50:15Travis McElroy?

  No, it made me feel like it's my job to tell the tale when it's all over. One of us must survive the time team.

• 50:25Travis McElroy?

  What are my responsibilities at a play or musical as an audience member? I recently went to my kid's theater camp performance and was seated close enough that every cast member could and did see me from stage. How expressive and encouraging can I be before it gets manic and distracting to the performers? Also, where do I draw the line between I'm a parent cheering for my kid versus I'm an audience member watching hardworking actors? That's from Audience Anxiety in Colorado. P.S. One of my shoulders was in the spotlight, which meant every movement cast a shadow on the sta- on part of the stage.

• 50:57Griffin McElroy?

  That's a level of involvement that, I'm sorry that happened to you. That shouldn't happen.

• 51:01Travis McElroy?

  That shouldn't have happened.

• 51:02Griffin McElroy?

  That shouldn't happen. We should elevate these spotlights.

• 51:05Travis McElroy?

  There should not be a spotlight on the audience at all. The bottom of the spotlight should be on the performer's feet.

• 51:11Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah. Um, I just feel bad. I'm sorry. This is, don't, don't, don't think that all theater experiences are gonna be like that. It's, it sounds like this one was maybe a little, I don't, amateurish.

• 51:23Travis McElroy?

  Hmm. Oh, this kid's, the school children's play?

• 51:26Griffin McElroy?

  The kid's theater camp performance. It sounds a little amateurish if I'm being honest, from a technical perspective at least.

• 51:31Travis McElroy?

  A gentle thumbs up and nod like Fred Savage in that one wizard meme?

• 51:36Griffin McElroy?

  I mean-

• 51:37Travis McElroy?

  I think that's, I think that's centering yourself in a way that's a little distracting. You know, when a kid really nails like Sonny Seymour or whatever and you're just like, he did it.

• 51:47Griffin McElroy?

  You gotta have, do you guys have like a,

• 51:52Griffin McElroy?

  do you guys have like an audible sort of showy appreciative uh, response to performance that you can bust out in this situation? Do you have a-

• 52:05Travis McElroy?

  For comedy?

• 52:07Griffin McElroy?

  No.

• 52:07Travis McElroy?

  What do you mean? Like for like, and then a pause?

• 52:09Griffin McElroy?

  For like a kid's theater show when like someone gets up and they do their solo and you wanna bust out like a, yeah, like a-

• 52:15Travis McElroy?

  Yeah, I do the, yeah, the brief like, yeah, yeah, woo, woo. I do a woo and sometimes, every time I woo, every time I woo, I'm, at the moment after, I'm like, who was that? Yeah. Where did that come from? You are not a wooing guy. You don't woo in your day to day life, but for some reason, I see Shrek up there singing, woo.

• 52:35Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah. This is what I liked about church and church camp in general is like, there was no limit. You could fucking, ah, you could fucking go absolute beast mode and you were like in good company and it was in good room.

• 52:48Travis McElroy?

  Yeah. Yell hallelujah, you know what I mean?

• 52:51Griffin McElroy?

  There was no upper limit on it. The, the rules-

• 52:54Travis McElroy?

  What church did you guys go to? Because that is not true for Highland Baptist Church where we all went.

• 52:58Griffin McElroy?

  No, like teen summer camp.

• 52:59Travis McElroy?

  Like a Pentecostal kind of experience.

• 53:01Griffin McElroy?

  Dude, I'm talking about church camp in general where you are being moved.

• 53:04Travis McElroy?

  That was an experience, cuz you would go to church camp with kids that went to churches that were a lot more performative. So like us sort of like buttoned down Southern Baptist kids were a little bit more like restrained. And then you'd see some kids who were fully up in the toes and it's like, woo, alright. Occasionally laying hands, you know, and you're like, ooh, I don't know about this.

• 53:26Griffin McElroy?

  Wow, cool. Um, you gotta have a go to and you gotta distribute it evenly. I don't know. I don't know if I'm reading other parents for this in performance situations. I'm pretty dialed in, I think, on my own sort of kid's experience. But you gotta make sure to spread it around and not just woo for your kid. You gotta, would it kill you to sort of boost everyone's ego? Cuz maybe someone there doesn't have a supportive parent in the room and you could be that supportive parent. Doesn't that sound nice? Wouldn't you like to be that for someone?

• 53:55Travis McElroy?

  You should just assume everyone needs the yeah. Everyone needs the woo, you know? If we could do it on some sort of cue, like they used to do applause signs, where just like a simultaneous woo from the audience.

• 54:08Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah. That'd be cool. You would hand it out in a program ahead of time and like their woos would be in like bold type face. So they know, here it comes.

• 54:17Travis McElroy?

  I have a trick cuz I have had to, I've watched a lot of children's theater and it's, uh, you know, a varying levels of quality in community theater. I think the same thing. Uh, a trick that I use sometimes.

• 54:28Griffin McElroy?

  All theater is a little boring. Sometimes it stinks.

• 54:32Travis McElroy?

  Uh, a trick that I use is rather than get swept up in the show, flip your brain so that you're seeing everything literally for what is happening in front of you. And it adds a level of absurdity experience that you will be delighted by. If you stop seeing like a bad Shrek and starts, this is, I saw a very good Shrek recently, so I don't want anybody to think I saw a bad Shrek. I saw a fine Shrek. But if you see a bad Shrek-

• 54:58Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 55:00Travis McElroy?

  Then you can stop watching the show and start realizing like, oh my God, that is an 11 year old barely dressed as Shrek. What is my life? And if you can get yourself in that headspace, the whole thing takes on a real, a real fantastic vibe. Because then you're seeing, wow, somebody had to paint that whole dragon. Unbelievable. Especially fun if you go to like a high school and you're watching like a 15 year old do like a Willy Loman Death of a Salesman thing.

• 55:31Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 55:31Travis McElroy?

  Enjoy the ride. Yeah, you're right. This kid's a teenager. He doesn't know, he's not scared to die. Hey.

• 55:38Griffin McElroy?

  Hey.

• 55:39Travis McElroy?

  Have fun with it. My, uh, uh, Michael Beck texts me a, a news story he read about a, a group in Virginia that had a, uh, uh, production of Rocky Horror Show that was, uh, canceled by a bomb threat. And when they, uh, this is just last week, and when they traced the bomb threat to the caller, it was the director of the show who didn't wanna deal with the actors anymore and the crew. And I can't do it. I'm not gonna go back in. I'm gonna get this entire show canceled due to bomb threat.

• 56:12Griffin McElroy?

  Sometimes that's, that's a- It's the sacrifice the island requires sometimes, man.

• 56:16Travis McElroy?

  Sometimes, sometimes that's what it takes. Was the show a hit or did it bomb?

• 56:23Travis McElroy?

  Um, it, I don't think it went on, Trav. I mean, I'd like to believe that they started it several hours later.

• 56:30Griffin McElroy?

  Knew that.

• 56:30Travis McElroy?

  But the show must-

• 56:31Griffin McElroy?

  I think you knew that when you asked the quality of the show that was canceled.

• 56:34Travis McElroy?

  The show must go on. That's actually working outdoors. You'll find that's frequently not true. If there's lightning, Kevin says stop and- Okay, you gotta stop. Yeah, the show actually stops at that point. Okay, yeah.

• 56:47Griffin McElroy?

  All the world's a stage? I don't think so. I don't think my Kia is a stage. I think when I'm in there, it's, I'm private.

• 56:54Travis McElroy?

  Do, try doing equus at Sam's Club.

• 56:58Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 56:59Travis McElroy?

  They won't let you get past the intermission. That's for sure. Hey, thank you so much for listening to this podcast called My Brother, My Brother and Me. This is our 826th episode of this program.

• 57:14Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah, that's perverse, man. That's so many, that's awesome.

• 57:17Travis McElroy?

  It's a big milestone. What a, what a work, you know? What a piece of work it's, man. What a testament.

• 57:23Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah. Hey, we got, um, some new merch up in the merch store that you can go check out. We got the, uh, the new Sawbones logo. Yeah, we got a sticker of that. We got the, uh, the, the new Schmanner's logo. Yeah, we got a pin of that. Uh, uh, McRae Family Clubhouse. Yeah, we got a pin of that as well. We got all kinds of pins and stickers and all kinds of cool stuff over at macrayermerch.com. And 10% of all merch proceeds this month will also be donated to Native Women Lead. Uh, so go check that all out. If you, uh, are a Taz listener, we just wrapped up Taz Royale, our sort of battle royale season.

• 57:56Travis McElroy?

  We just wrapped up Taz Royale, yep.

• 57:59Griffin McElroy?

  That was cool, man. You can email us at, uh, [email protected] if you want, have a question about the season for our T T A Z Z, Taz episode that we like to do. Uh, just, just send that in with Taz Royale in the subject line and we'll know to go and answer that.

• 58:17Travis McElroy?

  I got this fidget gear thing.

• 58:19Griffin McElroy?

  I mean, we got the book also, Adventure Zone Comic dot com.

• 58:22Travis McElroy?

  Oh, I'm not selling the fidget. I was talking about for throwing it, to be clear.

• 58:25Griffin McElroy?

  No, I know, but we just have other stuff to plug.

• 58:27Travis McElroy?

  I'm not selling it.

• 58:28Griffin McElroy?

  Buy our book. It's so good. Test story and song. You can find it in bookstores or at theadventurezonecomic.com. And also we're doing a Besties live show in October, October 9th at the Town Hall in New York City. I just realized I've been saying October 8th on everything, so fuck.

• 58:40Travis McElroy?

  Oh, no.

• 58:41Griffin McElroy?

  Um, but you can get tickets over at bit.ly/bestieson Broadway.

• 58:44Travis McElroy?

  And thanks to Montane for the use of our theme song, My Life Is Better With You.

• 58:47Griffin McElroy?

  Yep. Thank you for that. You got a fidget?

• 58:53Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah, dude. Did you hit the microphone, dude? That's cool, dude.

• 58:57Travis McElroy?

  That was cool. That was cool, actually. Fucking Beyblading the chair. It was incredible. I'm Justin McElroy. That was cool. I'm Travis McElroy.

• 59:04Griffin McElroy?

  I'm Griffin McElroy.

• 59:06Travis McElroy?

  You're my brother, my brother and me. Kiss your dad square on the lips.

• 59:43Speaker 06

  Maximum Fun. A worker owned network. Of artist owned shows. Supported directly by you.