Rudy's Fantastic Fail

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Speaker names marked ? are inferred from speaking time and the show’s known hosts — they are not voice-verified.

• 0:00Speaker 00

  You two are bad friends.

• 0:01Speaker 01

  Who are these two idiots?

• 0:03Speaker 00

  A white dude and an Asian dude. You two are disgusting.

• 0:08Speaker 01

  Well, you two are something.

• 0:10Speaker 00

  We're bad friends.

• 0:12Bobby Lee?

  Does a bee have a dick?

• 0:12Andrew Santino?

  Does it? Yes. Male bees, also known as drones, have a penis or venus. Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha. A venus.

• 0:22Speaker 04

  It gets ripped out.

• 0:23Andrew Santino?

  What?

• 0:24Bobby Lee?

  What?

• 0:25Andrew Santino?

  His penis is doomed to be ripped out from his body along with his intestines when he goes looking for love. So the moment he has sex, penis gone.

• 0:34Andrew Santino?

  Wow, one and done.

• 0:35Speaker 05

  That's why they're very faithful.

• 0:36Andrew Santino?

  Yeah. During the mating flight, several male bees called drones will be selected from thousands of others in their colony to mount the virgin queen bee mid-flight. So they all... Oh, so she's a skank? So she takes it from all these bees?

• 0:50Bobby Lee?

  Yeah.

• 0:50Andrew Santino?

  They give it to her and then they die.

• 0:52Bobby Lee?

  You don't have to raise your hand. What's up? What's up? We're like professors at a college. Yes, young lady?

• 0:57Andrew Santino?

  Rudy, please.

• 0:58Speaker 04

  There's a video on TikTok about a girl that banged 101 men.

• 1:02Bobby Lee?

  Okay, that has nothing to do with bees.

• 1:05Speaker 04

  Queen bee!

• 1:06Bobby Lee?

  Oh.

• 1:06Andrew Santino?

  Is that her name, Queen bee? It should be. Wait a minute, there's a woman who's banged 101 men, what?

• 1:11Bobby Lee?

  What?

• 1:12Andrew Santino?

  In her lifetime?

• 1:12Speaker 04

  No, like once.

• 1:14Andrew Santino?

  In one sitting?

• 1:15Speaker 04

  In one day.

• 1:16Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, I mean, those are called gang bangs. No, not gang bangs. What do they call them?

• 1:20Speaker 05

  Yeah, gang bang.

• 1:20Bobby Lee?

  Gang bang, yeah.

• 1:21Andrew Santino?

  No, that's more than a gang bang. 101 guys?

• 1:24Speaker 05

  One day.

• 1:26Andrew Santino?

  That's a small colony.

• 1:27Bobby Lee?

  I never get invited to those parties, do you?

• 1:29Andrew Santino?

  I did get invited, but I couldn't make... I had a dinner.

• 1:30Bobby Lee?

  Can I be 102?

• 1:33Bobby Lee?

  Imagine being 102.

• 1:34Andrew Santino?

  A woman films aftermath of sleeping with 101 men in just 14 hours.

• 1:38Bobby Lee?

  Wow.

• 1:39Andrew Santino?

  You gotta be exhausted.

• 1:40Bobby Lee?

  Yeah.

• 1:41Andrew Santino?

  You gotta be exhausted.

• 1:41Bobby Lee?

  Would you rather be 102 or 1?

• 1:43Andrew Santino?

  How much would you... How much would I have to pay you to sleep in that bed when it's done with 101 guys? I mean, honestly, for one night, would you sleep in that bed? After a hundred

• 1:53Bobby Lee?

  If I was in the thing, yeah.

• 1:54Andrew Santino?

  No, no, no.

• 1:55Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, yeah, I'm not gonna sleep there if I'm like, I wasn't like, they're like, you're not a part of it.

• 1:59Andrew Santino?

  How funny, though.

• 2:00Bobby Lee?

  And then I'm like, I, yeah.

• 2:01Andrew Santino?

  That's a good fantasy football punishment. You lose in your fantasy league, you gotta sleep in the bed of a hundred and one, uh, a hundred and one dudes aftermath. Zoom in a little bit. That is awful.

• 2:11Bobby Lee?

  Who litter is at an orgy?

• 2:13Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, clean up after you.

• 2:14Bobby Lee?

  Right?

• 2:14Andrew Santino?

  Yeah.

• 2:15Bobby Lee?

  I mean, you're just throwing paper towels and ketchup packets and like, what the fuck is going on here, dude?

• 2:20Andrew Santino?

  You called, you, you.

• 2:20Bobby Lee?

  What?

• 2:21Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, you would.

• 2:22Bobby Lee?

  Oh, yeah, you mean chicken and stuff? Yeah, I mean fried chicken. Well, you have to wait in line.

• 2:26Andrew Santino?

  She's pretty hot.

• 2:26Bobby Lee?

  What are you gonna do in line?

• 2:27Andrew Santino?

  Well, you'd be on your phone the whole time.

• 2:29Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, I'd be like TikToking, scrolling, fried chicken, right?

• 2:32Andrew Santino?

  Imagine if it's your turn to get up there and gang bang her and you're like, dude, I am so close to finishing this Nokku. I have to finish this.

• 2:38Bobby Lee?

  And then guess what else I'm eating?

• 2:39Andrew Santino?

  Huh?

• 2:40Bobby Lee?

  Blue chew.

• 2:40Andrew Santino?

  Yes, you are. She's actually very hot.

• 2:43Bobby Lee?

  I'm blue chewing it.

• 2:43Andrew Santino?

  She's pretty hot.

• 2:44Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 2:44Andrew Santino?

  But you know what's so crazy?

• 2:45Bobby Lee?

  Yeah.

• 2:46Andrew Santino?

  About this is you just called me out a week ago about this, about being too, like a clean freak. You know me, I'd be waiting in line for the gang bang, cleaning up after everybody.

• 2:55Bobby Lee?

  Oh, I know.

• 2:56Andrew Santino?

  Guys, please don't leave all this stuff.

• 2:57Bobby Lee?

  Especially if it's at your house?

• 2:58Andrew Santino?

  Oh, please.

• 2:58Bobby Lee?

  Oh, my god.

• 2:59Andrew Santino?

  My god. That's why we don't host gang bangs anymore. Wait, so she's an OnlyFans girl? Her name is Lily Phillips?

• 3:05Bobby Lee?

  Yeah.

• 3:06Andrew Santino?

  And she's, so a hundred and one guys in one day. Is she setting a, is this at least a record?

• 3:10Bobby Lee?

  No, there's no way.

• 3:11Speaker 05

  Yeah, I don't think that's a record.

• 3:12Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, yeah. I think somebody did it a thousand times.

• 3:15Andrew Santino?

  In fourteen hours?

• 3:16Bobby Lee?

  Oh, no, not in fourteen hours. I don't know.

• 3:17Andrew Santino?

  That's, that's so much. I mean.

• 3:19Bobby Lee?

  Because technically, they don't have to come, so you could just have, what I would do, what I would do is, I'd lay there and go, just one pump. Every, so I can just get through everyone.

• 3:28Andrew Santino?

  That's okay.

• 3:29Bobby Lee?

  One pump, and then you would have to use a condom, right?

• 3:32Andrew Santino?

  Uh, I would fucking hope so.

• 3:34Bobby Lee?

  What?

• 3:35Andrew Santino?

  A hundred and one guys, I would hope you'd wrap it up.

• 3:38Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, but is there?

• 3:39Speaker 04

  The girl said they, she didn't need, um, like an STD test to prove that they're clean.

• 3:45Bobby Lee?

  What?

• 3:45Andrew Santino?

  They did not?

• 3:46Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 3:46Bobby Lee?

  And did they wear a condom?

• 3:48Speaker 04

  You get first priority if you have like a, like a proof, but you don't need.

• 3:52Bobby Lee?

  They have a fast pass like Disneyland.

• 3:54Andrew Santino?

  Wow, front of the line.

• 3:56Bobby Lee?

  What?

• 3:58Andrew Santino?

  Why they fast pass and then also you know they also have the fast pass they have kids in wheelchairs that go next to it? Do those guys get to the front as well or do they have to wait in line?

• 4:06Bobby Lee?

  Well for military first.

• 4:07Andrew Santino?

  Yeah.

• 4:08Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 4:08Andrew Santino?

  We're boarding military.

• 4:10Bobby Lee?

  Why does military get to go for them?

• 4:11Andrew Santino?

  Well, military and and what is it people people who need more time to board? Yeah, let them go first in the gangbang.

• 4:16Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 4:17Andrew Santino?

  And then we'll get to first class.

• 4:18Bobby Lee?

  And the elderly.

• 4:19Andrew Santino?

  Oh, they gotta go.

• 4:20Bobby Lee?

  Come on, Gramps.

• 4:21Andrew Santino?

  Let's go. I can't wait to peel your pussy to pieces.

• 4:25Bobby Lee?

  Yeah.

• 4:25Andrew Santino?

  So wait a minute, dude, look, I just did the math because I'm stupid. 101 guys in 14 hours, seven guys an hour. Seven an hour.

• 4:32Bobby Lee?

  Wow.

• 4:33Andrew Santino?

  That's almost two guys every 15 minutes. So they are.

• 4:38Bobby Lee?

  Yeah.

• 4:38Andrew Santino?

  It must have sounded like a construction zone next door.

• 4:40Bobby Lee?

  Yeah.

• 4:41Andrew Santino?

  People would have been like, what's going on over there?

• 4:43Bobby Lee?

  Which I don't know. I mean, I just, I don't know. I just wouldn't be able to get it up, I don't think.

• 4:48Andrew Santino?

  Look, if I got a terminal illness.

• 4:49Bobby Lee?

  Yeah.

• 4:50Andrew Santino?

  I'm I'm gonna tell my wife, I gotta leave you and I gotta go join this world's greatest gangbang. I gotta go.

• 4:54Bobby Lee?

  One time was I was audition, okay?

• 4:57Andrew Santino?

  Now, this is how the Hollywood stuff starts.

• 4:58Bobby Lee?

  Here we go. I was in an audition and I walk in and it was all like it was Finesse Mitchell, Eric, like all my friends. And we were high fiving, right? We're making each other laugh, right? And then all of a sudden I hear somebody go, okay, Bobby. And I ate that audition so bad, it was fucking bad.

• 5:15Andrew Santino?

  Right.

• 5:15Bobby Lee?

  The same thing's gonna happen at that fucking gangbang.

• 5:18Andrew Santino?

  Oh, you're gonna fuck.

• 5:18Bobby Lee?

  I'm gonna fuck around, right? What's up, dude? You know what I mean? Great movie or whatever, right? You did a great job or whatever, right? And then as soon as my name's called, I'm gonna walk in there and it's gonna be completely dead.

• 5:31Andrew Santino?

  Nothing's gonna work.

• 5:33Bobby Lee?

  I don't know, man. I would have to maybe.

• 5:35Andrew Santino?

  You get nervous.

• 5:36Bobby Lee?

  I would grab her breast.

• 5:38Andrew Santino?

  Gotta.

• 5:39Bobby Lee?

  No.

• 5:40Andrew Santino?

  I wonder what her rules.

• 5:41Bobby Lee?

  I would try to get it going, you know what I mean? So I would grab her breast and I would probably also go, are you okay?

• 5:46Andrew Santino?

  Right. Is everything okay?

• 5:47Bobby Lee?

  You wouldn't ask?

• 5:47Andrew Santino?

  I'd be the first guy. I'd be the one guy who kisses her.

• 5:51Bobby Lee?

  And she's like, what are you doing? Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 5:54Andrew Santino?

  I just, I just want to foreplay a little bit.

• 5:56Bobby Lee?

  A little foreplay.

• 5:57Andrew Santino?

  The world's biggest gangbang, by the way, was a Hollywood studio. Annabelle Chong, one of ours. Look at that.

• 6:03Bobby Lee?

  Oh, Annabelle Chong.

• 6:04Andrew Santino?

  300 men.

• 6:05Bobby Lee?

  Oh, my god, her Asian.

• 6:06Andrew Santino?

  Wait, wait, this is the best part. It said, "The participants were far fewer than advertised, so she only got to get to 251." Let's be nice, that's still incredible.

• 6:15Bobby Lee?

  Wow.

• 6:16Andrew Santino?

  Can we see a picture of Annabelle Chong, please?

• 6:18Speaker 05

  It was in 95.

• 6:20Bobby Lee?

  That's in 1995?

• 6:22Andrew Santino?

  And she's where? Go down, scroll down a little bit. Where's she from? Grace, her born, University of Southern California? She went to USC? She's from Singapore?

• 6:27Bobby Lee?

  Wow.

• 6:29Andrew Santino?

  Hey.

• 6:30Bobby Lee?

  What does she look like now?

• 6:30Andrew Santino?

  Guess who's going to Singapore? Bobby.

• 6:32Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 6:33Andrew Santino?

  Annabelle, if you're still working, Bob and I are coming with the Bad Friends crew. We'd love to meet you.

• 6:37Bobby Lee?

  What does she look like now? Animal Chong now?

• 6:40Andrew Santino?

  I mean.

• 6:41Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 6:42Andrew Santino?

  Oh, still pretty good.

• 6:43Speaker 04

  Oh, she's pretty.

• 6:44Andrew Santino?

  Yeah.

• 6:44Bobby Lee?

  Wow.

• 6:45Andrew Santino?

  She's known professionally as Annabelle Chong as a Singaporean former pornographic actress who became famous after starring in an adult film that was performed by the world's biggest gangbang. So she's no longer working, but I, she's running like a shop somewhere? She's probably just doing like a, a clothing store?

• 6:58Speaker 05

  Oh, she's 52, Bob?

• 7:00Andrew Santino?

  Chong's dong. Hey!

• 7:01Bobby Lee?

  Wow.

• 7:02Andrew Santino?

  Younger than you.

• 7:05Andrew Santino?

  The queen of gangbang is younger than you. That's how you know you're getting older.

• 7:08Bobby Lee?

  Yeah.

• 7:09Andrew Santino?

  Rudy, what's been going on with you?

• 7:11Speaker 04

  I failed an exam.

• 7:12Bobby Lee?

  Oh, great, that's fantastic.

• 7:14Andrew Santino?

  What, that's bad? I'm clapping, that's good.

• 7:16Bobby Lee?

  No, I said, "That's fantastic."

• 7:17Andrew Santino?

  You have to fail in order to learn how to win.

• 7:19Bobby Lee?

  Learn how to win.

• 7:20Andrew Santino?

  That's right. What did you, which one? Wait, wait, wait. Let's guess.

• 7:24Bobby Lee?

  Well, ask me some of the questions that's on the exam, maybe I can answer them.

• 7:26Speaker 04

  I don't even know, that's why I failed.

• 7:29Bobby Lee?

  Wait, wait, you don't know what topic it was? What, what the subject matter was?

• 7:32Speaker 04

  Um, it's like DNA transcript.

• 7:35Bobby Lee?

  Here we go, I'm the expert of DNA, go ahead.

• 7:37Andrew Santino?

  Biology, you failed biology, right?

• 7:39Speaker 04

  Microbiology.

• 7:40Andrew Santino?

  Microbiology.

• 7:41Bobby Lee?

  Like, give me like, just any question that they might have.

• 7:44Speaker 04

  Um.

• 7:46Bobby Lee?

  Are you fucking kidding me? You don't even know one question on the exam?

• 7:48Andrew Santino?

  She said she failed.

• 7:49Speaker 04

  I failed!

• 7:50Bobby Lee?

  How many questions are there?

• 7:51Speaker 04

  There were 50 questions.

• 7:53Bobby Lee?

  You don't know one?

• 7:55Speaker 04

  No.

• 7:55Bobby Lee?

  Oh, my god.

• 7:56Speaker 04

  But it was, it's like about, um, transcription, like DNA replication. Can you talk us about DNA replication?

• 8:03Bobby Lee?

  That's what I'm saying.

• 8:04Andrew Santino?

  Okay, here you go. Bob, what's the difference between bacteria and viruses?

• 8:08Bobby Lee?

  Well, they're about amoebas. I mean, one has an amoeba and one has-

• 8:12Andrew Santino?

  Fail, fail.

• 8:13Bobby Lee?

  No, I'm not done.

• 8:14Andrew Santino?

  Well, you're done. You're failed.

• 8:16Bobby Lee?

  No, I'm not. Can I finish?

• 8:17Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, please.

• 8:18Bobby Lee?

  You know, you're so rude.

• 8:19Andrew Santino?

  Thank you.

• 8:20Bobby Lee?

  You know, dude, you know what I realized about you Tuesday when we did the live show, dude? You're a little cocky.

• 8:26Andrew Santino?

  I'm cocky?

• 8:27Bobby Lee?

  Yeah.

• 8:27Andrew Santino?

  How?

• 8:28Bobby Lee?

  A little bit like confident and sure of yourself.

• 8:31Speaker 05

  People see that.

• 8:32Bobby Lee?

  That's what the audience said. Remember when they said that?

• 8:34Speaker 05

  People see.

• 8:34Bobby Lee?

  They people see it, right?

• 8:35Andrew Santino?

  That I'm confident?

• 8:36Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, what do they, what do they say, uh, Tuesday night?

• 8:38Speaker 05

  Why are we bringing this up?

• 8:40Andrew Santino?

  Just starting a war.

• 8:41Bobby Lee?

  What do they say Tuesday night?

• 8:43Speaker 05

  They asked Andrew, um-

• 8:45Speaker 06

  He was better than-

• 8:46Andrew Santino?

  Are you arrogant or better, or you think you're better than-

• 8:48Bobby Lee?

  That's what I'm getting at. You know what I mean? And I want you to lower it.

• 8:51Andrew Santino?

  No, I don't think I'm better than anybody, except for you.

• 8:56Bobby Lee?

  See, that's what I'm saying.

• 8:56Andrew Santino?

  It's just you.

• 8:57Bobby Lee?

  That's it.

• 8:58Andrew Santino?

  I treat her very well.

• 8:59Bobby Lee?

  But I wonder why the audience read that.

• 9:01Andrew Santino?

  It's one woman.

• 9:02Bobby Lee?

  Okay.

• 9:02Andrew Santino?

  One woman said that. And also, by the way, I know why she said that.

• 9:05Bobby Lee?

  What?

• 9:06Andrew Santino?

  This is a bad, she's nagging. It's a bad nag.

• 9:08Bobby Lee?

  Yeah.

• 9:08Andrew Santino?

  It's like a bad flirt. It's a shitty flirt.

• 9:10Bobby Lee?

  So I'm sitting in the audience watching Andrew perform, and there was a pretty attractive woman next to me. And during one of your jokes, people are laughing, and she turns to me and she goes, "Your friend's hot." You know what I did? I went-

• 9:26Bobby Lee?

  It was just an instinctual like-

• 9:27Andrew Santino?

  Was this a girl that you were with or just a random girl?

• 9:29Bobby Lee?

  Some random girl, but I just wanted to, if I could spit out poison.

• 9:33Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, you would.

• 9:34Bobby Lee?

  You know what I mean?

• 9:34Andrew Santino?

  Blind her.

• 9:35Bobby Lee?

  It had a rattle, dude. I went, "Tch," right, right in her neck. You know what I mean? Like a scorpion. Right in the neck, dude.

• 9:41Speaker 04

  You're very buff, Tito.

• 9:42Bobby Lee?

  Oh, fuck off!

• 9:44Andrew Santino?

  I love you, Rude. You know what? Let me say this.

• 9:47Bobby Lee?

  Oh, here we go.

• 9:48Andrew Santino?

  I'll say this. I love our fans more than anything. I thank them graciously. It means the world to me. People may think that I'm like, uh, shut down or cold, but if you know me, you know I'm not. I just have a demeanor that has so much trauma and damage that I just feel a little blank sometimes. So people don't know, I'm, I would love to say hi and smile at you, but when I walk around town, maybe I look a little-

• 10:19Andrew Santino?

  And that's because I'm a broken, shattered dude.

• 10:22Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, backstage, too, I, I like to observe other people that aren't familiar with, you know, comics and stuff. And they get a little nervous around you.

• 10:30Andrew Santino?

  Only because I'm so, I'm so kind of-

• 10:32Bobby Lee?

  I know, but I see people going-

• 10:36Bobby Lee?

  You know what I mean? It's like, what's going on?

• 10:38Andrew Santino?

  Well, because here's the deal.

• 10:38Bobby Lee?

  Little boy?

• 10:39Andrew Santino?

  Your life-

• 10:39Bobby Lee?

  Are you lost?

• 10:40Andrew Santino?

  You are a bright, beautiful light.

• 10:42Bobby Lee?

  I come in there with joy, dude, and that's what my thing is, dude. I'm pure joy.

• 10:46Andrew Santino?

  You are, and mine is-

• 10:47Bobby Lee?

  Your positive energy.

• 10:47Andrew Santino?

  Mine is comedy from a very, um, kinda like a very, like, planted space.

• 10:52Bobby Lee?

  Sure.

• 10:52Andrew Santino?

  And you're a more, you're, you are a bright, shiny star.

• 10:55Bobby Lee?

  Like Napoleon.

• 10:57Andrew Santino?

  You know what I am?

• 10:57Bobby Lee?

  Okay.

• 10:58Andrew Santino?

  I'm, I am a, I'm a, I, you have to dig for me. I'm a gem, but you have to dig for me.

• 11:03Bobby Lee?

  Okay.

• 11:04Andrew Santino?

  You gotta get down in there. You, you know who you are?

• 11:06Bobby Lee?

  Yeah.

• 11:06Andrew Santino?

  Your bio, what's that, bioluminescence? You know, that when the ocean glows at night?

• 11:10Bobby Lee?

  Yeah.

• 11:10Andrew Santino?

  That's you.

• 11:11Bobby Lee?

  Thank you.

• 11:11Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, and it's a compliment. I'm just saying, I am a gem as well. I just, I'm different. You have to dig for me a little bit. That's what makes us so wonderful together.

• 11:18Bobby Lee?

  I have another philosophical question for you, though.

• 11:20Andrew Santino?

  Yeah.

• 11:21Bobby Lee?

  What if, what if we don't have a shovel? And that's the real question.

• 11:24Andrew Santino?

  Wow.

• 11:25Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, what if we don't have a shovel?

• 11:26Andrew Santino?

  You have to use your hands. You have to get creative.

• 11:28Bobby Lee?

  No.

• 11:29Andrew Santino?

  No?

• 11:29Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, why don't you open up your own hole?

• 11:32Andrew Santino?

  I'm not like you.

• 11:33Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, open up your own hole-

• 11:34Andrew Santino?

  I don't like opening up my hole.

• 11:35Bobby Lee?

  So we don't have to dig?

• 11:35Andrew Santino?

  I'm not like you.

• 11:36Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 11:37Andrew Santino?

  I don't wanna open my hole to everybody like you.

• 11:39Bobby Lee?

  Don't have the time to dig, dude.

• 11:40Andrew Santino?

  Well, you know what happens to the people that open their hole all the time to everybody? They end up in fucking huge gangbangs.

• 11:45Bobby Lee?

  Oh, that's right.

• 11:45Andrew Santino?

  And then they're immortalized forever as the gangbang queen.

• 11:47Bobby Lee?

  That's right.

• 11:47Andrew Santino?

  So guess what?

• 11:48Bobby Lee?

  Yeah.

• 11:48Andrew Santino?

  From now on?

• 11:49Bobby Lee?

  Yeah.

• 11:49Andrew Santino?

  You, my friend? Queen, you're queen bee.

• 11:51Bobby Lee?

  My friend?

• 11:52Andrew Santino?

  You're the queen bee of this show.

• 11:53Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, friendo?

• 11:54Andrew Santino?

  You're the queen bee.

• 11:54Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, okay.

• 11:55Andrew Santino?

  I'm the dirty gem and you're the queen bee.

• 11:57Bobby Lee?

  Okay, I'll be the queen bee, dude.

• 11:59Andrew Santino?

  That's fine, you are, cuz you get fucked by thousands of people, and you get tired of it. I know you turn to me sometimes, after you've opened your hole too much, and you say to me, "I don't wanna do it anymore." And I say, "Give the people what they want, bitch." And you do.

• 12:11Bobby Lee?

  I love the way you reversed it.

• 12:14Andrew Santino?

  By the way, we had so many people at the live show that came and asked to see your butthole and/or your penis, but what bothers me is, these guys, it's always these brazen men. "Show me your butthole and your penis." And then I say, "Will you show Bobby your butthole and your penis?"

• 12:29Bobby Lee?

  Yeah.

• 12:29Andrew Santino?

  That's a fair exchange.

• 12:30Bobby Lee?

  Exactly.

• 12:30Andrew Santino?

  And they get so creeped out.

• 12:32Bobby Lee?

  Yeah.

• 12:32Andrew Santino?

  As if that's crazy to go, "You asked for his butthole, show him your butthole." Fair is fair, am I wrong?

• 12:40Bobby Lee?

  So fair.

• 12:40Andrew Santino?

  I didn't like it. That guy got weird about it. He was like, "That's fucking weird." Like, what?

• 12:44Bobby Lee?

  No, because I think you said, "And let him suck it" or something. You said something like that.

• 12:48Andrew Santino?

  I said, "Let him kiss it."

• 12:49Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 12:50Andrew Santino?

  I said, "Let him kiss it."

• 12:51Bobby Lee?

  So, I think, I think that was the part that he was like, "Ah, no, I don't know, man."

• 12:55Andrew Santino?

  I'll tell you- Well dude.

• 12:58Bobby Lee?

  Yeah.

• 12:59Andrew Santino?

  Party, party with us or don't?

• 13:00Bobby Lee?

  Yeah.

• 13:01Andrew Santino?

  I, I felt a little, I will say, I had a moment of true vulnerability that I played, played off for comedy. When you kissed that guy in the front row.

• 13:08Bobby Lee?

  That was fun.

• 13:09Andrew Santino?

  And then, he said something else, you said something else about kissing him and I said, no, now I get to kiss your wife. Or your girlfriend.

• 13:15Bobby Lee?

  That's right, that's right.

• 13:16Andrew Santino?

  Making a joke.

• 13:17Bobby Lee?

  Dude, dude.

• 13:17Andrew Santino?

  And she was into it.

• 13:18Bobby Lee?

  She wanted to, why didn't you do it?

• 13:20Andrew Santino?

  I, no thank you. I don't want to kiss this guy's wife.

• 13:22Bobby Lee?

  Yeah.

• 13:23Andrew Santino?

  But she was like, yes, and he was like, yeah, she can. I was like, no, no, no, I don't, that was a joke.

• 13:27Bobby Lee?

  And then I went, can I?

• 13:28Andrew Santino?

  And they said, yes, and you didn't. Oh, she said no?

• 13:31Bobby Lee?

  No, no, no.

• 13:31Andrew Santino?

  Oh.

• 13:32Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, yeah. And then, so then I tried to kiss the guy again, and he goes, no.

• 13:35Andrew Santino?

  No, he didn't want it more than once.

• 13:36Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, yeah, so I'm like, whoa.

• 13:37Andrew Santino?

  He's a true, yeah, we have, look, I'm cool if we've got some cuck fans.

• 13:41Bobby Lee?

  Yeah.

• 13:41Andrew Santino?

  I'm down for cuckery, it's what Rudy really wants to have happen in her relationship.

• 13:44Bobby Lee?

  You know, back in the day when they used to have black and white.

• 13:47Andrew Santino?

  She wants a cuck king, don't you? Yeah. Yeah.

• 13:49Bobby Lee?

  Black and white fountains, remember back in the day, you, you, I mean, if it was a white fountain, you couldn't drink out of it?

• 13:54Andrew Santino?

  What, what do you mean? Oh, you mean the separation?

• 13:55Bobby Lee?

  Back in the 60s, yeah, segregation, yeah, yeah. Look at that, I mean, the colored one is better.

• 14:00Andrew Santino?

  No, it's not.

• 14:00Bobby Lee?

  It's not, right?

• 14:01Andrew Santino?

  No, the white one, you put your penis in the middle of it.

• 14:03Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, yeah. But imagine.

• 14:05Andrew Santino?

  That's disgusting.

• 14:06Bobby Lee?

  It's so disgusting.

• 14:07Andrew Santino?

  That's a part of our fucking history.

• 14:08Bobby Lee?

  History, dude.

• 14:09Andrew Santino?

  They wouldn't share water.

• 14:10Bobby Lee?

  Yeah.

• 14:11Andrew Santino?

  With black people, that's how fucking crazy.

• 14:12Bobby Lee?

  That's how stupid it is.

• 14:13Andrew Santino?

  That's crazy shit.

• 14:14Bobby Lee?

  Or when they couldn't even like, sit at, at, like, a at the restaurant, like, at a, like, diner table.

• 14:20Andrew Santino?

  Right, they had their own section?

• 14:21Bobby Lee?

  They wouldn't even be able to go in.

• 14:23Andrew Santino?

  Certain ones, yeah, of course.

• 14:24Bobby Lee?

  Like, some of the, you know, the jazz documentaries?

• 14:26Andrew Santino?

  We're not going back to jazz. Please, don't go back to jazz.

• 14:29Bobby Lee?

  I have some historical context there.

• 14:31Andrew Santino?

  Okay, okay, okay.

• 14:32Bobby Lee?

  Right, some of these jazz bands, right, would go into a town, play a hotel, but they couldn't stay there.

• 14:38Andrew Santino?

  Right, I know, right.

• 14:39Bobby Lee?

  So you know what?

• 14:40Andrew Santino?

  Greed, greed.

• 14:40Bobby Lee?

  Did I say this already where, what, did I say this already where, what would happen is you know, Count Basie or whatever would go with his band, right, they couldn't stay there, but their wives would go into the black neighborhood while they're on stage, and ask the residents The bands in town, can they stay? So then they would coordinate like, yeah, yeah. Little Slim, you know what I mean? And Jacky Eyes can sleep here, you know what I mean? Yeah. And Frankie the Midget, and Trombone Tony can sleep here, you know what I mean? And they would all, you know Trombone Tony?

• 15:11Andrew Santino?

  I love him. He's got little toes.

• 15:13Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 15:13Andrew Santino?

  Little toes, Trombone Tony.

• 15:15Bobby Lee?

  Yeah. And Squeaky Peak. Squeaky Peak, and you know, whatever. And then after the show, the wives would come back and go, "We got you a place to stay." That's insane!

• 15:24Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, that was a reality.

• 15:25Bobby Lee?

  They would sell out!

• 15:27Andrew Santino?

  Yeah. That's a Green Book. The whole movie was about that. Not being able to perform in certain places.

• 15:31Bobby Lee?

  Green Mile or Green Book?

• 15:33Andrew Santino?

  Green Mile was a totally different movie. Green Book.

• 15:35Bobby Lee?

  Oh.

• 15:35Andrew Santino?

  Green Book won an Academy Award with, uh...

• 15:39Bobby Lee?

  Academy?

• 15:40Andrew Santino?

  Academy Award. It wasn't a full-size one. What's his name? Viggo, I mean Viggo Mortensen and Mahershala Ali. Do you not, you never saw that movie?

• 15:49Bobby Lee?

  Mm-mm.

• 15:49Andrew Santino?

  Oh my god. You're in your jazz, in your jazz era? He toured the country and Viggo Mortensen was his driver of a black...

• 15:58Bobby Lee?

  Oh, no, I haven't seen it.

• 16:01Andrew Santino?

  Do you know it though?

• 16:02Bobby Lee?

  I don't know, it hurt me.

• 16:03Andrew Santino?

  Really? You're a movie guy. It won an Academy Award.

• 16:06Bobby Lee?

  There's so many movies though, dude.

• 16:07Andrew Santino?

  No, no, this won an Academy Award.

• 16:08Bobby Lee?

  Oh, really? You saw every Academy Award movie?

• 16:11Andrew Santino?

  I think I've seen every movie that's won an Academy Award.

• 16:13Bobby Lee?

  Ordinary people.

• 16:14Andrew Santino?

  Yes, seen it. Name one, there's no Academy Award movie I've never seen.

• 16:17Bobby Lee?

  Kramer vs. Kramer.

• 16:19Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, dude. I've seen Kramer vs. fucking Kramer.

• 16:21Bobby Lee?

  What's it about?

• 16:22Andrew Santino?

  Kramer. Saying the N-word at the Laugh Factory.

• 16:25Bobby Lee?

  No, what's it about? What is Kramer vs. Kramer about?

• 16:28Andrew Santino?

  It's a court case film.

• 16:30Bobby Lee?

  About what?

• 16:31Andrew Santino?

  About Kramer vs. Kramer.

• 16:33Bobby Lee?

  But what is it?

• 16:34Andrew Santino?

  Kramer, dude.

• 16:34Bobby Lee?

  You never saw it?

• 16:35Andrew Santino?

  No, I never saw it.

• 16:35Bobby Lee?

  It's a divorce.

• 16:36Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, no, I did, I have...

• 16:37Bobby Lee?

  Was it about a divorce?

• 16:38Andrew Santino?

  Yeah.

• 16:38Bobby Lee?

  Dustin Hoffman was in it.

• 16:39Andrew Santino?

  I have seen it.

• 16:40Bobby Lee?

  Did Kramer vs. Kramer get anything? I don't know, I was just making that up.

• 16:42Andrew Santino?

  No, but Oppenheimer, yes. Everything, yes. Coda, no. Actually, Coda's the first one I haven't seen on that list.

• 16:47Bobby Lee?

  I haven't seen Coda.

• 16:48Andrew Santino?

  Uh, Green Book, Parasite, Shape of Water, Moonlight, Birdman, Spotlight, Argo. I've seen all these. Twelve Years a Slave, Hurt Locker, Argo.

• 16:54Bobby Lee?

  Oh, let me, I've got the, King's Speech, I never saw it.

• 16:56Andrew Santino?

  I did see the, of course.

• 16:57Bobby Lee?

  I never saw it.

• 16:57Andrew Santino?

  No, that was good.

• 16:58Bobby Lee?

  Yeah.

• 16:59Andrew Santino?

  No Country, Departed, all these, I've seen all these.

• 17:01Bobby Lee?

  So I watched No Country for an old man again. That scene in the gas station

• 17:04Andrew Santino?

  Phew.

• 17:05Bobby Lee?

  with that old man is probably the mo, it's

• 17:08Andrew Santino?

  He gives, he gives me the creeps in a way that no one can do.

• 17:11Speaker 06

  Call it friendo.

• 17:12Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, friendo, but it's also just that the performance of the man that was, you know, I mean, the guy was so good. If you really look at it, he's

• 17:20Andrew Santino?

  The actor, the, yeah.

• 17:21Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, I mean, he's a character actor, I don't know who he is, but like, it's, it's just, it's just so good. And his response, dude, have you seen this movie?

• 17:28Speaker 04

  No.

• 17:29Andrew Santino?

  You have to.

• 17:29Bobby Lee?

  That character right there is insane.

• 17:31Andrew Santino?

  Go back real fast. I did, there's one more that I know you and I definitely have never seen is Chicago. We've, I've never

• 17:36Bobby Lee?

  Never saw Chicago.

• 17:37Andrew Santino?

  No, never seen the play or the fuck.

• 17:38Bobby Lee?

  Yeah.

• 17:39Andrew Santino?

  Um. English Patient, fantastic. Forrest Gump, very good.

• 17:42Bobby Lee?

  Great movie.

• 17:43Andrew Santino?

  So what's the, what's the repercussions of you failing your microbiology exam?

• 17:48Speaker 04

  Well, I have

• 17:48Bobby Lee?

  Stupid.

• 17:49Speaker 04

  three more exams to go and I have right now like a B minus.

• 17:54Andrew Santino?

  Oh, you're fine, dude. A B minus?

• 17:56Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 17:57Andrew Santino?

  I graduated high school with a C minus.

• 17:59Speaker 04

  You can, yeah.

• 18:01Andrew Santino?

  Is, that's not good. Good?

• 18:02Speaker 04

  Even having a D is okay.

• 18:04Speaker 05

  I was last in my class.

• 18:06Andrew Santino?

  We know. And you're first in our hearts.

• 18:08Speaker 05

  Thank you.

• 18:09Bobby Lee?

  Well, so nothing you're learning, you're gonna use in your fucking life anyway, so it's

• 18:12Andrew Santino?

  I wouldn't say that, totally.

• 18:13Bobby Lee?

  Are you biology? You're not gonna be a biologist?

• 18:15Speaker 04

  Well, I'm taking fish classes and that's fine.

• 18:17Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 18:18Andrew Santino?

  Marine biologist, perhaps?

• 18:19Speaker 04

  Maybe.

• 18:20Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, if you said you wanted to work in the water, you definitely need to know that stuff.

• 18:23Bobby Lee?

  I thought you should just do animals. Just be a vet or whatever.

• 18:27Andrew Santino?

  You would probably need to pass biology to be a vet.

• 18:29Bobby Lee?

  Oh, you do?

• 18:30Andrew Santino?

  A hundred percent. Yeah, that's a big deal.

• 18:32Bobby Lee?

  You know, you need to know about amoebas?

• 18:36Bobby Lee?

  Wow, so I wonder what you would need to know, I mean,

• 18:39Andrew Santino?

  To be a vet and veterinarian?

• 18:40Bobby Lee?

  I mean, do you, I'm, I'm sorry, I'm dumb, but, um,

• 18:42Andrew Santino?

  I'm dumb.

• 18:43Bobby Lee?

  Do you sp, do you spend like doctor, eight years in medical school?

• 18:47Andrew Santino?

  To be a vet?

• 18:47Bobby Lee?

  Yeah.

• 18:48Andrew Santino?

  I don't know if it's a full eight. I think it's six, though.

• 18:50Bobby Lee?

  Yeah.

• 18:50Andrew Santino?

  I think it's six, which is a long fucking time. Four year, okay, so it's, oh, it is said eight years in total. Typically takes about eight. Wow.

• 19:01Bobby Lee?

  And then do you make a lot of money?

• 19:03Andrew Santino?

  I think vets make good money.

• 19:04Bobby Lee?

  Really?

• 19:04Andrew Santino?

  Well, I can tell you how much my fucking.

• 19:06Bobby Lee?

  That's true.

• 19:06Andrew Santino?

  The scan cost when I went to the vet for the emergency vet.

• 19:09Bobby Lee?

  Yeah.

• 19:09Andrew Santino?

  Did I tell you this when my dog was puking and shitting blood?

• 19:12Bobby Lee?

  No.

• 19:12Andrew Santino?

  The average salary for a vet in California is 171.

• 19:15Bobby Lee?

  Wow, that's a pretty good thing.

• 19:16Andrew Santino?

  Pretty good. That's very good.

• 19:18Bobby Lee?

  Very good.

• 19:19Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, I took my dog to the vet and we don't have pet insurance and it was an emergency because she was throwing up blood and she was getting blood and I had the worst panic, man. I was so scared. So sad. Then we go there and they take all these x-rays and stuff and they're like, you know, this is not covered. And I said, we don't even have insurance. She goes, okay, I just want to let you know. Comes back with the bill and it's $1,500. Also, on top of that, she goes, um, some of the staff is a big fan. Can we take pictures of you?

• 19:45Bobby Lee?

  Yeah.

• 19:46Andrew Santino?

  I was like, my dog just shit blood.

• 19:47Bobby Lee?

  At least a discount, no discount?

• 19:49Andrew Santino?

  No shit, no, no discount, no picture discount.

• 19:51Bobby Lee?

  Nothing.

• 19:51Andrew Santino?

  I was happily taking pictures like, my dog pooping blood and I'm taking photos.

• 19:55Bobby Lee?

  Wow.

• 19:55Andrew Santino?

  I did the right thing, but I was also like, that's a little weird to ask me to take photos first thing in the morning when my dog is shitting blood and I'm a little worried. And you're like, can we get a picture for the studio, for the office? I was like, sure. Is the blood thing taken care of? Is she still shitting fucking blood?

• 20:10Bobby Lee?

  Yeah.

• 20:11Andrew Santino?

  It was a little weird.

• 20:12Bobby Lee?

  You know what my thing is, is whenever I'm in a fucking pet food store, I hate it when it's always old white ladies. They come in and they go, what's the cheapest cat food you got? Dry. Right? And I'm always like, you know, I mean, I'm always like, that's your fucking family member.

• 20:29Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, that's the love of your life.

• 20:30Bobby Lee?

  You know what I mean?

• 20:30Andrew Santino?

  Well, here's the deal. It's an economic thing for some people, right? So some people can't.

• 20:33Bobby Lee?

  Free range, what?

• 20:34Andrew Santino?

  Some people can't afford to level up. It's hard.

• 20:36Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, but it's just like, the cheapest? You don't walk in, the cheapest.

• 20:40Andrew Santino?

  Well, think about, let's genuinely, let's do this.

• 20:43Bobby Lee?

  Yeah.

• 20:43Andrew Santino?

  The, in the scope of America, most people have to buy the cheapest gas, the cheapest groceries.

• 20:50Bobby Lee?

  I'm being arrogant?

• 20:51Andrew Santino?

  A little bit. No, not arrogant, but you're being-

• 20:53Bobby Lee?

  Am I being-

• 20:54Andrew Santino?

  I think you're forgetting-

• 20:55Bobby Lee?

  Out of touch with reality here?

• 20:56Andrew Santino?

  A little bit.

• 20:57Speaker 05

  My dog, nice shit too. Like, I think it's-

• 20:59Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, but you live foolishly.

• 21:01Bobby Lee?

  You know, they're not- The gap between cheapest and average isn't that much.

• 21:07Andrew Santino?

  I agree.

• 21:08Bobby Lee?

  A dollar or two, right?

• 21:09Andrew Santino?

  I agree with you. I agree. But I'm saying, most Americans have to buy the cheapest gas, the cheapest food, the cheapest everything to get through their lives.

• 21:17Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, but it's just like-

• 21:18Andrew Santino?

  We're blessed that you don't have to-

• 21:20Bobby Lee?

  I don't know, dude, because even when I, in my early twenties, I had two cats. And I went to the pet food store and I got like, I had no money and I still went like, I'm not gonna get the cheapest one.

• 21:30Andrew Santino?

  I know, you're talking-

• 21:30Bobby Lee?

  Because I want them to, you know what I mean, at least survive.

• 21:33Andrew Santino?

  I agree, but I think most people don't, can't. I think that's the bummer.

• 21:36Bobby Lee?

  I don't think they care.

• 21:37Andrew Santino?

  I think some people don't care. I think most people with pets give a fuck about their pets. They love their pets. That's why there's like a, what's that place called that's near my old house? Just Dog, Just For Dogs? Just Food For Dogs?

• 21:49Bobby Lee?

  Yeah.

• 21:49Andrew Santino?

  That shit's so expensive. I walked in there one time and I was like, this is fucking rude. It was like a-

• 21:54Bobby Lee?

  I love it there.

• 21:55Andrew Santino?

  Two pound bag of food for like eighty bucks. I was like, what the fuck are you feeding? They're like, we hand cut up filet.

• 22:01Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, they do.

• 22:01Andrew Santino?

  That's crazy.

• 22:02Bobby Lee?

  No, it's not crazy. And let me say something-

• 22:04Speaker 04

  That's what Bobby pays for the dogs.

• 22:07Bobby Lee?

  You do that?

• 22:07Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 22:08Andrew Santino?

  That's so much money.

• 22:09Bobby Lee?

  Well, it's my dogs, dude.

• 22:11Andrew Santino?

  I know, dude, but that's like, that's an inflation-

• 22:13Bobby Lee?

  If I go to fucking BLVD, right, or, you know what I mean, or Maestro's, right? I'm gonna get my dog, dude, I got fucking Nobu for my cats.

• 22:23Andrew Santino?

  That's fucking insane.

• 22:24Bobby Lee?

  Right? And they didn't like it, so I'm like, oh, I guess this isn't gonna be a thing.

• 22:27Andrew Santino?

  You got the fanciest sushi in LA for your cat?

• 22:30Bobby Lee?

  I cut up the salmon too and all that stuff, like really thin, like, oh, maybe that'll work. I put gravy on it, they don't like it.

• 22:34Andrew Santino?

  Crazy.

• 22:35Bobby Lee?

  No, it's not crazy.

• 22:36Andrew Santino?

  No, no, it's crazy. It's funny, but it's insane.

• 22:39Bobby Lee?

  I guess it's, you know, here's, and I'm gonna cause a little controversy out here. I might as well put my foot down, okay? And maybe

• 22:48Bobby Lee?

  some people, and I wasn't gonna say white people, but I'm not gonna say that. I don't wanna generalize, right?

• 22:52Andrew Santino?

  No, go ahead and do it.

• 22:53Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, they view their animals as, you know, a lower family member.

• 22:58Andrew Santino?

  Not true.

• 22:59Bobby Lee?

  Yeah.

• 22:59Andrew Santino?

  Don't generalize whites, because I don't do that and he doesn't do that.

• 23:02Bobby Lee?

  You know, but it's like-

• 23:03Andrew Santino?

  Don't do that to whites. Just people. How about this then? You wanna take it there?

• 23:09Bobby Lee?

  Why you brought it up, dude? Let's take it there.

• 23:11Andrew Santino?

  No, let's take it there.

• 23:12Bobby Lee?

  Let's take it there.

• 23:13Andrew Santino?

  Let's generalize.

• 23:15Bobby Lee?

  Oh, oh, oh.

• 23:15Andrew Santino?

  Asians.

• 23:16Bobby Lee?

  Okay, well, okay.

• 23:17Andrew Santino?

  Asians.

• 23:17Bobby Lee?

  If you're gonna do cat, we eat them.

• 23:19Andrew Santino?

  What, what, timeout.

• 23:20Bobby Lee?

  Yo, yo, yo, don't go eat, we don't eat them.

• 23:22Andrew Santino?

  Really?

• 23:24Bobby Lee?

  I don't eat them.

• 23:26Andrew Santino?

  Then don't generalize all whites.

• 23:28Bobby Lee?

  Not in this Ameri-, maybe in some fucking remote village in Taipei or whatever.

• 23:32Andrew Santino?

  Well, you're talking about a global population here, buddy. Do, do Asians eat animals?

• 23:36Bobby Lee?

  Oh, I know you're gonna do this again with the fucking slave, the Korean slave thing?

• 23:40Andrew Santino?

  No, do Asians.

• 23:41Bobby Lee?

  That's what you're trying to do. Get a moment?

• 23:43Andrew Santino?

  Rudy, do people still eat dogs in the Philippines?

• 23:45Bobby Lee?

  We have talked about this before.

• 23:46Speaker 04

  In like rural.

• 23:48Bobby Lee?

  Rural, thank you.

• 23:49Andrew Santino?

  And yet it happens.

• 23:51Speaker 05

  But we're still in that three-year grace period where it's legal to eat.

• 23:53Andrew Santino?

  In South Korea, they still haven't passed that bill.

• 23:55Bobby Lee?

  But we did pass it.

• 23:56Andrew Santino?

  Congratu- fucking later.

• 23:58Bobby Lee?

  2027.

• 23:58Andrew Santino?

  2024.

• 23:59Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 24:00Andrew Santino?

  In three fucking years.

• 24:00Bobby Lee?

  What about, hey buddy, I'll, I'll, I'll double down on you then.

• 24:03Andrew Santino?

  Give it to me.

• 24:04Bobby Lee?

  What about squirrels?

• 24:06Andrew Santino?

  Yes, some, some whites eat squirrels.

• 24:07Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, and snakes and shit.

• 24:08Andrew Santino?

  How about this?

• 24:09Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 24:09Andrew Santino?

  Then you get fucking.

• 24:11Bobby Lee?

  Have you even attempted to pass this fucking law, did not eat squirrels? Those cute little critters from the tree.

• 24:15Andrew Santino?

  They're delicious. They're delicious. You've never had one?

• 24:19Bobby Lee?

  Would you eat a squirrel?

• 24:21Speaker 04

  I think I would.

• 24:22Andrew Santino?

  A hundred percent. They're so good.

• 24:24Bobby Lee?

  I don't, I don't know.

• 24:24Andrew Santino?

  Look at them right there. Ooh, is that a filet?

• 24:26Bobby Lee?

  Oh my God, look at them.

• 24:28Andrew Santino?

  It's all dark meat.

• 24:29Bobby Lee?

  Yeah.

• 24:30Andrew Santino?

  So good. It's so good.

• 24:32Bobby Lee?

  Oh my God, yum, yum, yum, yum, yum. Look at that. What I'm saying is, is that I don't know why you went from me, you know, spending a little bit more money for my cats to us eating dogs.

• 24:41Andrew Santino?

  You did it.

• 24:42Bobby Lee?

  I don't know how it went from there to there.

• 24:45Andrew Santino?

  Look, you can't generalize and say all whites.

• 24:47Bobby Lee?

  I, I took it back already.

• 24:49Andrew Santino?

  Thank you. I'll take mine back too then.

• 24:50Bobby Lee?

  Yeah.

• 24:50Andrew Santino?

  But Asians still eat dogs.

• 24:52Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, and you guys eat squirrels?

• 24:53Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, thank you.

• 24:54Bobby Lee?

  Okay.

• 24:54Andrew Santino?

  But, but, but I know, there's no, people that have pets has squirrels.

• 24:59Bobby Lee?

  Oh, there are.

• 24:59Andrew Santino?

  Who has a squirrel?

• 25:00Bobby Lee?

  Go to Dodo.

• 25:01Andrew Santino?

  Go to Dodo?

• 25:02Bobby Lee?

  Yeah.

• 25:02Andrew Santino?

  Where's that?

• 25:03Bobby Lee?

  YouTube.

• 25:05Andrew Santino?

  And he has a squirrel?

• 25:06Bobby Lee?

  The Dodo. There's a lot of squirrel friends that the people have.

• 25:09Andrew Santino?

  In, in their home?

• 25:10Bobby Lee?

  In their home.

• 25:10Andrew Santino?

  No, they keep them outside and they feed them every day.

• 25:12Bobby Lee?

  In the home, dude. There we go. That's a guy chilling on a kitchen table, dude. Look at that guy.

• 25:19Bobby Lee?

  Look at that dude. Look how fatty he is too.

• 25:21Andrew Santino?

  That looks like lunch to me.

• 25:22Bobby Lee?

  I know, what?

• 25:23Speaker 06

  Do they feed them like fancy nuts?

• 25:25Andrew Santino?

  They might.

• 25:27Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, but that-

• 25:27Andrew Santino?

  Like Arowan nuts?

• 25:29Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, but there's a difference between like, you know, airplane nuts, right? And going to like, you know, going to Arowan or something and getting like organic nuts, unsalted, you know what I mean?

• 25:39Andrew Santino?

  Mm-hmm.

• 25:40Bobby Lee?

  Right?

• 25:41Andrew Santino?

  I guess.

• 25:41Bobby Lee?

  That's what I would do.

• 25:41Andrew Santino?

  I would assume the golfers come from the same farm and some of them are just packaged for Arowan.

• 25:46Bobby Lee?

  Okay, okay, I don't know how they're packaged. I don't know what the farm-

• 25:49Andrew Santino?

  Well, you know what? That's it. Then we need to do Bad Friends visits a farm. We need to go visit a farm so we can find out-

• 25:54Bobby Lee?

  But my point though being is boom, there's another one chilling watching fucking, you know, reality TV on a couch, dude. Probably, you know, 90 Day Fiance, look at the fucking, look at them chilling.

• 26:03Andrew Santino?

  He's watching Love is Blind.

• 26:04Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, Love is Blind, chilling there.

• 26:05Andrew Santino?

  He's so fat.

• 26:06Bobby Lee?

  I know. They're so cute.

• 26:08Andrew Santino?

  They are so cute. I know. No, look, okay, let's get back to the original thing.

• 26:11Bobby Lee?

  Yeah.

• 26:11Andrew Santino?

  I value my pet. The first thing, the first person I kiss in my home when I walk-

• 26:16Bobby Lee?

  I know, I know you do because I know that you spent $1,500. But there's a lot of people that were like, at the vet, like, what, how much is it gonna cost?

• 26:23Andrew Santino?

  Well, people, some people can't afford it. I'm lucky that I could afford it.

• 26:25Bobby Lee?

  Well, you know-

• 26:26Andrew Santino?

  I'm lucky. I'm lucky. I'm lucky that I'm able to do that. Carlos's dog goes to the vet and it cost him two grand or something like that. He's in some shit. He's calling us.

• 26:35Bobby Lee?

  Would you pay it?

• 26:36Speaker 05

  Yeah, of course.

• 26:37Andrew Santino?

  He would.

• 26:38Bobby Lee?

  There we go.

• 26:38Andrew Santino?

  But he's scared.

• 26:39Speaker 05

  Yeah, that's, yeah.

• 26:40Bobby Lee?

  I'm not, I'm not saying the feeling behind it, yeah, it's gonna be a hit and it's gonna be a bummer, but I'm just saying it's like-

• 26:45Andrew Santino?

  But you're right.

• 26:46Bobby Lee?

  Well, it depends on what the, like, okay, here's, here's one, all right? When you guys, when you guys-

• 26:53Speaker 04

  The grapes?

• 26:54Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, the grapes. I got a call like, oh yeah, all the dogs are in the vet, right? And you gotta help with the money, right?

• 27:00Andrew Santino?

  Cause they all ate grapes?

• 27:01Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, so I go, they ate fucking grapes like Roman emperors? What the fuck are you talking about? Right? They're like, yeah, and they, and then, nothing happened, but you guys, we had to spend thousands of dollars-

• 27:13Speaker 04

  It was very expensive.

• 27:14Bobby Lee?

  For what? Yeah, exactly. So what was that all about?

• 27:16Speaker 04

  The vet said that they were gonna die.

• 27:19Bobby Lee?

  But what, are you bringing the fucking dogs to the fucking vet in the first place?

• 27:23Speaker 04

  We called first and they said, yeah, take them-

• 27:25Bobby Lee?

  You didn't eat one grape!

• 27:27Speaker 04

  No, it was three.

• 27:29Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, yeah. Amongst four dogs, they ate three grapes and I get this call like it's gonna cost all this money. I was like, what the fuck is going on here? So in that case, yes, I'd be like, ah, grapes, we'll figure it out.

• 27:40Andrew Santino?

  We'll figure it out.

• 27:40Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 27:41Andrew Santino?

  Wait a minute.

• 27:41Bobby Lee?

  A bar of chocolate, I would be like, ah, let's just see, take it hour by hour.

• 27:45Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, can dogs not eat grapes? I do not know.

• 27:47Bobby Lee?

  I don't think it was grapes. What it was it?

• 27:48Speaker 04

  Grapes.

• 27:49Andrew Santino?

  The number of grapes can be lethal to a dog depends on the dog's weight, but the general rule of thumb is that one grape per 10 pounds of body weight is potentially dangerous. Why? Grapes and raisins cause acute kidney failure in dogs. What? I mean, my dog doesn't eat grapes.

• 28:02Bobby Lee?

  Now you know.

• 28:02Andrew Santino?

  I, that's crazy. I don't know.

• 28:04Bobby Lee?

  Now you know.

• 28:04Andrew Santino?

  I'm glad I know.

• 28:05Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, yeah. And also, why you have fucking just free grapes laying on the ground?

• 28:09Speaker 04

  Because we were taking care of a crow. So we were feeding him grapes.

• 28:14Bobby Lee?

  Oh, that's right, the crow.

• 28:15Andrew Santino?

  Of course.

• 28:16Bobby Lee?

  Oh, you know, do you know what they did for me?

• 28:19Andrew Santino?

  I hope they got you a crow.

• 28:20Bobby Lee?

  No. Oh my God, I feel so bad about that. I haven't talked about this, about the little bird. I'm in the backyard with Gooner.

• 28:27Andrew Santino?

  Yeah.

• 28:28Bobby Lee?

  Okay?

• 28:30Andrew Santino?

  Oh, I know.

• 28:31Bobby Lee?

  No, you don't. And I look and there's a bird, a baby bird had fallen from the tree. Right? And I look at Gooner and Gooner's just, you know what I mean? And I'm like, he's not gonna.

• 28:45Andrew Santino?

  Oh, yeah.

• 28:46Bobby Lee?

  And he goes up and just breaks its, breaks its neck with his fucking jaw. Right? And then I fucking grab Gooner, bring him in the house. And now the fucking, you know what I mean? It's like the little bird's like.

• 28:58Bobby Lee?

  It was fucking insane, dude. Right? And it was making these, right? And I'm, I, I call them, they come over and then I go, you gotta keep this bird alive. Now I go, right? Please?

• 29:10Andrew Santino?

  His head is off.

• 29:11Bobby Lee?

  I know, it was just like, you know, and, and they came over, it died, right?

• 29:15Speaker 04

  It died three days after.

• 29:16Andrew Santino?

  Three days is pretty good, though.

• 29:18Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, but I tried everything. I tried everything. But we love, we love our friends in the sky. That's what my point.

• 29:24Andrew Santino?

  But you gotta, you should have taken him out. Three days of suffering.

• 29:27Speaker 05

  Yeah, you could have thrown him off the hill.

• 29:28Andrew Santino?

  You drown him.

• 29:29Speaker 04

  What?

• 29:29Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, you drown.

• 29:30Bobby Lee?

  Whoa, whoa, whoa, I'm sorry.

• 29:31Andrew Santino?

  You drown him.

• 29:33Bobby Lee?

  Excuse me?

• 29:33Andrew Santino?

  You drown him. You take that bird, you go to your pool and. You drown.

• 29:41Bobby Lee?

  What?

• 29:41Andrew Santino?

  No, I'm kidding, that's insane.

• 29:43Bobby Lee?

  You would do that?

• 29:44Andrew Santino?

  No, but my dog-

• 29:45Bobby Lee?

  That's insane.

• 29:45Andrew Santino?

  My dog has, my dog has come back with all, with different rodency things or whatever, and I do, but you, you got it. You, it's, you gotta get rid of it. Cause it's suffering. It's crazy. It's awful when dogs do this. It's a bummer, but when they're living, just those three days of the bird is like, "Fucking kill me." "They fucking kill me."

• 30:02Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, I don't know. I don't know. I don't know birds, I don't know.

• 30:05Andrew Santino?

  I got, I have a few-

• 30:06Bobby Lee?

  My new bird.

• 30:07Andrew Santino?

  What? I do. I mean, I went to college with four or five of them.

• 30:09Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, yeah, but I'm-

• 30:10Andrew Santino?

  I still talk to one of them.

• 30:11Bobby Lee?

  If there was like a 5% chance that he, it was just like, you know, a sprained neck or whatever, right? That's why I called. Because the worst would be like, I'll just leave it there.

• 30:20Andrew Santino?

  Yeah.

• 30:21Bobby Lee?

  And then day three, I go back there and he's still, you know what I mean? That would have been bad.

• 30:24Andrew Santino?

  That's true.

• 30:24Speaker 06

  If he was paralyzed after that, you guys?

• 30:26Andrew Santino?

  Little bird wheelchair.

• 30:27Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 30:27Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 30:28Andrew Santino?

  Little bird wheelchair.

• 30:29Bobby Lee?

  You know, it's so funny, Andreas, you're trying to make fun of me, like I have empathy, I have empathy for the little creatures in the world. You know what movie makes me really sad? What part? In Raising Arizona, when-

• 30:40Andrew Santino?

  One of my favorite movies of all time.

• 30:41Bobby Lee?

  Me too. And when that, you know, the, the bad biker?

• 30:44Andrew Santino?

  Yes.

• 30:45Bobby Lee?

  Right? And he, he shoots that lizard?

• 30:46Andrew Santino?

  Mm-hmm.

• 30:48Bobby Lee?

  I don't know why, even as a young man, I went, "Oh."

• 30:51Andrew Santino?

  You know what else it is? That actor?

• 30:52Bobby Lee?

  Yeah.

• 30:52Andrew Santino?

  That guy?

• 30:53Bobby Lee?

  He's great.

• 30:53Andrew Santino?

  He's so good and you believe how he's so mean in his heart. And the music is so powerful.

• 30:59Bobby Lee?

  Yeah.

• 30:59Andrew Santino?

  God, that movie was-

• 31:00Bobby Lee?

  If you haven't seen that movie-

• 31:02Andrew Santino?

  Couldn't recommend it more.

• 31:03Bobby Lee?

  It's, it's, cause it-

• 31:05Andrew Santino?

  Colin Brothers finest.

• 31:06Bobby Lee?

  It does two things, okay? In, in the same year they did this, there's two movies that are my favorite movies, is this and also Evil Dead 2.

• 31:14Andrew Santino?

  Hmm.

• 31:15Bobby Lee?

  Those two movies are just masterpieces, but-

• 31:18Andrew Santino?

  89? 88.

• 31:20Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, this movie is so fucking good.

• 31:22Andrew Santino?

  And the beauty, her name is Ed, is one of the funniest things on earth.

• 31:26Bobby Lee?

  Yeah.

• 31:26Andrew Santino?

  He falls in love with a woman named-

• 31:27Bobby Lee?

  Dude, Holly Hunter kills that movie.

• 31:28Andrew Santino?

  Cause Ed is such a beautiful, like, guy, guy's name.

• 31:32Bobby Lee?

  Look at Nicholas Cage, how young.

• 31:33Andrew Santino?

  You know the concept of this movie? They can't have a child and so they decide they're gonna steal someone's baby who's an embarrassment of riches.

• 31:39Bobby Lee?

  Yeah.

• 31:39Andrew Santino?

  It's fucking great.

• 31:41Bobby Lee?

  It's a comedy, though. Especially when Nicholas, when Nicholas Cage goes up with the ladder into the fucking baby's room.

• 31:47Andrew Santino?

  And Nathan Arizona's house?

• 31:48Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, Nathan Arizona's house. And there's that five-minute montage of him trying to handle the babies.

• 31:52Andrew Santino?

  Yeah.

• 31:53Bobby Lee?

  Is so cleverly done, so cute. It's so good.

• 31:56Andrew Santino?

  It's such a good scene.

• 31:57Bobby Lee?

  There's another scene where he runs into his bedroom, right? Cause he has, I forget what he has to do. And he sees a Playboy magazine on his bed.

• 32:04Andrew Santino?

  Mm-hmm.

• 32:04Bobby Lee?

  And he puts it underneath the thing. And then he walks away and then he comes back and looks at the Playboy and then brings it back in there. Cause he needs one more look. It's like those little things that makes that movie so special.

• 32:15Andrew Santino?

  That's such a good.

• 32:16Bobby Lee?

  Such a great movie.

• 32:17Andrew Santino?

  You gotta watch that, okay? But you should be studying for your test before you watch another movie.

• 32:21Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 32:21Andrew Santino?

  So can we get you through school first?

• 32:23Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 32:24Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, please. Cause I don't want you to fail after all the work you put in.

• 32:26Bobby Lee?

  Mmm.

• 32:27Andrew Santino?

  When you think about it, she started this show as a senior in high school.

• 32:29Bobby Lee?

  I can't believe it.

• 32:30Andrew Santino?

  And now you're graduating college.

• 32:32Bobby Lee?

  That's so incredible.

• 32:34Andrew Santino?

  It's really makes me sad.

• 32:35Bobby Lee?

  It makes me sad.

• 32:36Andrew Santino?

  Cause we're closer to death. That's all that you and I are doing.

• 32:39Bobby Lee?

  Oh my, you really think of that?

• 32:40Andrew Santino?

  We're crawling towards death. There's death. Hey, we're on our way.

• 32:43Bobby Lee?

  Yeah.

• 32:43Andrew Santino?

  And she's about to just grow into a fun adult life of fun and freedom and...

• 32:48Bobby Lee?

  But you know who my fucking guy is I look at to make me feel more like? He's like sort of like, if he dies, I'm fucked. Cause he's a little ahead of me.

• 32:57Andrew Santino?

  In the comedy scene?

• 32:58Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, yeah. He's a little ahead of me. I see him all the time.

• 33:00Andrew Santino?

  Marin?

• 33:01Bobby Lee?

  No. And I look at him, no, it's like, no.

• 33:03Andrew Santino?

  How old?

• 33:03Bobby Lee?

  Smaller, smaller.

• 33:04Andrew Santino?

  Tinier person?

• 33:05Bobby Lee?

  Than Marin, yeah.

• 33:06Andrew Santino?

  Brad Williams?

• 33:07Bobby Lee?

  No, in between. Think in between.

• 33:10Andrew Santino?

  Cold, cold, hot?

• 33:11Bobby Lee?

  Also, I'm older than Brad. It's a guy that's older than me and I go...

• 33:14Andrew Santino?

  No, no, you're not.

• 33:15Bobby Lee?

  I am.

• 33:16Andrew Santino?

  No, little people are a thousand years old. He's been living forever. He's lived seven lifetimes.

• 33:20Bobby Lee?

  Yeah.

• 33:20Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, we have no idea how old they're... You have to cut them in half and count their rings.

• 33:24Bobby Lee?

  Yesterday, I, I saw Brad and I said a couple of things, some dwarf jokes in the green room. And I don't think it went over well in the room.

• 33:32Andrew Santino?

  He's our boy, wouldn't you?

• 33:33Bobby Lee?

  I go, I just walked into the room, I go, "How's the carnival?" I don't know why I said that. And then I, for some reason, everyone was in there, I go, "Oh, they love candy corn." I don't even know if that's a fact.

• 33:42Andrew Santino?

  They do.

• 33:43Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah. But my point is.

• 33:45Andrew Santino?

  I always keep a pocket.

• 33:45Bobby Lee?

  It's David Spade.

• 33:46Andrew Santino?

  Oh, Spade.

• 33:47Bobby Lee?

  So when I see Spade, because he's like five years older than me. And he looks good.

• 33:51Andrew Santino?

  He does.

• 33:52Bobby Lee?

  So I just go, oh, he looks good. So I'm gonna worry when he doesn't look good.

• 33:56Andrew Santino?

  Well, here's the problem. This isn't apples to apples. Do you know what I mean?

• 33:59Bobby Lee?

  Don't do this.

• 33:59Andrew Santino?

  It's like this is a zucchini to pear.

• 34:03Bobby Lee?

  Don't do this, right?

• 34:03Andrew Santino?

  No, because.

• 34:04Bobby Lee?

  Don't do this, right?

• 34:04Andrew Santino?

  Well, he's, he takes care of himself a little bit. He work, he exercises.

• 34:08Bobby Lee?

  I went hiking yesterday for so long.

• 34:10Andrew Santino?

  No fucking way.

• 34:12Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, so long.

• 34:13Andrew Santino?

  With whom?

• 34:13Bobby Lee?

  By myself, in the dark.

• 34:15Andrew Santino?

  Where? In the dark?

• 34:16Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, the one by our house.

• 34:17Speaker 05

  No proof.

• 34:17Bobby Lee?

  And, and this time, you know where I go?

• 34:19Andrew Santino?

  No proof.

• 34:20Bobby Lee?

  There's a marker that I have. You know, there's the first bench on that? Now we go double that.

• 34:26Andrew Santino?

  Can I ask you something?

• 34:27Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, it's so scary.

• 34:28Andrew Santino?

  Can I recommend something as a friend? Please don't hike in the dark. If you fall or slip or something bad happens, who the fuck is gonna get ya?

• 34:36Bobby Lee?

  That's the, that's the thing I want.

• 34:38Andrew Santino?

  Oh, you want to go?

• 34:38Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 34:39Andrew Santino?

  I'd rather you not.

• 34:40Bobby Lee?

  Yeah. You know, the only thing that I'm worried about is bobcats.

• 34:44Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, dude.

• 34:45Bobby Lee?

  You know what I mean?

• 34:46Andrew Santino?

  I mean.

• 34:46Speaker 05

  Weird people.

• 34:47Andrew Santino?

  Or, yeah, what about weirdos? What about some guy that's waiting to fucking kill you?

• 34:51Bobby Lee?

  Oh, yeah.

• 34:52Andrew Santino?

  I mean, please don't, please don't hike at night.

• 34:54Bobby Lee?

  Why? There's other, there's people, families at night. I see them with the flashlights.

• 34:59Andrew Santino?

  I've seen Alpha Dog. I know what happens when you hike at night. You end up in a pit.

• 35:03Bobby Lee?

  Wow.

• 35:04Andrew Santino?

  Please don't hike at night.

• 35:05Bobby Lee?

  Okay.

• 35:06Andrew Santino?

  I'm concerned for your well-being. But do you wanna hike during the day with me? I would love to go hiking.

• 35:09Bobby Lee?

  I'd love to.

• 35:11Andrew Santino?

  There's a hiking hill right by our houses.

• 35:13Bobby Lee?

  That's the one I went to last night.

• 35:14Andrew Santino?

  Well, let me, let's go.

• 35:16Bobby Lee?

  I kinda wanna do it solo because, I'll tell you why. Can I, can I tell you why? Can I tell you why, though? Can I tell you why? Yes! It's pace.

• 35:26Bobby Lee?

  You know what I mean?

• 35:27Andrew Santino?

  I understand.

• 35:28Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, I, I put my hands behind my back like an old Korean man.

• 35:31Andrew Santino?

  I do that.

• 35:31Bobby Lee?

  And I kinda mosey up there with music.

• 35:33Andrew Santino?

  Shuffle would be the word.

• 35:34Bobby Lee?

  I shuffle up there with music.

• 35:36Andrew Santino?

  Yeah.

• 35:36Bobby Lee?

  And I go as long as I can, and I come back down.

• 35:39Andrew Santino?

  I appreciate that. I respect that. I would love to hike with you, but I totally understand that. That's fine.

• 35:42Bobby Lee?

  Is there a gym by your house? Because I wanna join a gym.

• 35:44Andrew Santino?

  Right down the street from you, there's a gym.

• 35:46Bobby Lee?

  What's it called?

• 35:47Andrew Santino?

  Equinox.

• 35:48Bobby Lee?

  Equinox.

• 35:50Andrew Santino?

  You know. It's two miles from your home.

• 35:53Bobby Lee?

  Yeah.

• 35:54Andrew Santino?

  That's right down the road. You want to be able to walk to the gym?

• 35:56Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, because remember Dove Davidoff used to go to the one on in Hollywood on La Brea? It's like that 24 hour boxing gym?

• 36:03Andrew Santino?

  Oh, right.

• 36:04Bobby Lee?

  I used to go there. I used to like it there.

• 36:06Andrew Santino?

  Well, that's way far. That's way further.

• 36:08Bobby Lee?

  I'm just saying, I want something that's grungy because it's very Rocky like.

• 36:11Andrew Santino?

  You want something dirty. Well, it's nowhere near your home. You'll have to go somewhere far away.

• 36:15Bobby Lee?

  Okay. You know what? There's an old saying and it's from a sitcom. There's an old saying, it's from a sitcom, it's called Different Strokes. You know what I mean? What you talking about?

• 36:23Andrew Santino?

  Willis.

• 36:24Bobby Lee?

  Willis.

• 36:24Andrew Santino?

  Right.

• 36:25Bobby Lee?

  What you talking about Willis? Right?

• 36:27Andrew Santino?

  Yeah.

• 36:28Bobby Lee?

  That's what I want to say to you, dude. That was the wrong sitcom line.

• 36:31Andrew Santino?

  It really was. Yeah.

• 36:32Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah. I was trying to.

• 36:34Andrew Santino?

  You know what? I got it, Bob. I got you. There's an old. There is an old sitcom line that you should, that, that speaks exactly to you about what we're talking about.

• 36:43Bobby Lee?

  Dynamite.

• 36:45Andrew Santino?

  No, that one's definitely not.

• 36:47Bobby Lee?

  That's not it?

• 36:47Andrew Santino?

  No, there is an old one that I gotta tell you. It's perfect for this, to fucking teach you about, about this world.

• 36:53Bobby Lee?

  Give it to this. Give it to her, dude.

• 36:55Speaker 07

  Did I do that?

• 36:58Andrew Santino?

  Perfect.

• 36:59Bobby Lee?

  Wait, what, what sitcom is that?

• 37:01Andrew Santino?

  Family Matters. That's fucking, that's, that's Steve Urkel.

• 37:04Bobby Lee?

  That's one of his catchphrases?

• 37:06Andrew Santino?

  Did I do that?

• 37:07Bobby Lee?

  I don't know if that is.

• 37:08Andrew Santino?

  What? Are you in?

• 37:09Speaker 07

  Did I do that? Did I do that?

• 37:11Bobby Lee?

  You've heard of that?

• 37:12Andrew Santino?

  Yeah.

• 37:13Bobby Lee?

  Okay.

• 37:13Andrew Santino?

  Where did you fucking grow up? You don't know, did I do that?

• 37:16Bobby Lee?

  I never saw that one.

• 37:17Andrew Santino?

  Steve Urkel. Even I know that. Yeah, even the Spaniard fucking knows it.

• 37:22Bobby Lee?

  You don't have to Google it. I believe you.

• 37:24Andrew Santino?

  But you made me think that I'm wrong. Did I do that?

• 37:27Speaker 07

  Did I do that?

• 37:29Bobby Lee?

  I've met him a couple of times.

• 37:30Andrew Santino?

  Jaleel White.

• 37:31Bobby Lee?

  I like him a lot.

• 37:32Andrew Santino?

  Yeah.

• 37:32Bobby Lee?

  He's a sweet kid.

• 37:33Andrew Santino?

  I've heard he's great.

• 37:33Bobby Lee?

  He's a nice guy.

• 37:34Speaker 07

  Did I do that?

• 37:36Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, he would break something.

• 37:36Bobby Lee?

  Oh, I see. I remember now. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. There he is. Yeah.

• 37:41Andrew Santino?

  By the way, this is a character that I'm sure in this day and age, they would be like, it just feels like we're targeting a type of person. Right? If you wrote that character on a TV show, they'd be like, I don't know if we can do that.

• 37:52Bobby Lee?

  There's no way.

• 37:53Andrew Santino?

  Isn't that fucking wild?

• 37:54Bobby Lee?

  Yeah. You know, he used to call me at three in the morning randomly, back in the day when I lived on Beechwood, before I met Kalila.

• 38:00Andrew Santino?

  Ron Jeremy.

• 38:01Bobby Lee?

  No, it's a sitcom guy. You're not gonna believe it.

• 38:03Andrew Santino?

  Um, hold on, hold on.

• 38:04Bobby Lee?

  And he always asked me.

• 38:06Speaker 07

  Hey, man, I'm in town. What you doing?

• 38:08Bobby Lee?

  I'm sleeping.

• 38:10Andrew Santino?

  By the sound of it.

• 38:12Speaker 07

  Hey, man.

• 38:14Andrew Santino?

  Hey, it's me.

• 38:15Bobby Lee?

  Yeah.

• 38:16Andrew Santino?

  Uh, hold on. Hey. Yeah?

• 38:18Bobby Lee?

  Let me do it together.

• 38:19Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, too mad about Gary Coleman. He passed away. I'm the only one left. Well, it's gotta be a small, black guy.

• 38:28Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah. You got it, bud. Go toward the light.

• 38:32Andrew Santino?

  Emmanuel Lewis.

• 38:34Bobby Lee?

  Yeah!

• 38:34Andrew Santino?

  Yes. Got it.

• 38:35Bobby Lee?

  Webster.

• 38:36Andrew Santino?

  Yes, Webster.

• 38:37Bobby Lee?

  So this dude.

• 38:38Andrew Santino?

  It's so funny, I saw him. He used to call you?

• 38:40Bobby Lee?

  At 3:00 in the morning, "Hey, man."

• 38:42Andrew Santino?

  "Hey, it's me."

• 38:43Bobby Lee?

  "What you doing?"

• 38:44Andrew Santino?

  "E-dog."

• 38:44Bobby Lee?

  It's like, he would go, yeah, he'd go, "Meet me at..." He would go, "Meet me at Fred 62's."

• 38:51Andrew Santino?

  I love that cafe.

• 38:52Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, yeah, and I'd be like, "No, dude."

• 38:53Andrew Santino?

  Why not?

• 38:54Bobby Lee?

  Never hung out with him once.

• 38:55Andrew Santino?

  Like, I read this thing, this was fucking insane. It's supposed to, it really does, dude, you should try this. This is a trick.

• 39:01Bobby Lee?

  I know, I know, I know.

• 39:01Andrew Santino?

  No, no, this is a trick I'm trying to do is, uh,

• 39:05Andrew Santino?

  is this, when you wake up in the morning, instead of brushing your teeth with your right hand, do it with your left. And then when you get in the shower, instead of doing your normal shower routine, like, what's the first thing you wash in the shower?

• 39:17Bobby Lee?

  My back.

• 39:17Andrew Santino?

  Right. So instead of doing your back, do your feet first, and then do your feet, and like, switch up the order.

• 39:21Bobby Lee?

  Why are you laughing at back?

• 39:23Speaker 04

  That's just weird.

• 39:24Andrew Santino?

  No, it's not.

• 39:24Bobby Lee?

  That's not.

• 39:25Andrew Santino?

  You're fucking weird. What are you doing?

• 39:26Speaker 04

  Don't you go head first?

• 39:28Andrew Santino?

  No, everybody does it different.

• 39:29Bobby Lee?

  Head is last.

• 39:30Andrew Santino?

  No.

• 39:30Speaker 04

  What?

• 39:31Bobby Lee?

  Head's last.

• 39:32Andrew Santino?

  I actually agree. I do, I do head and face last.

• 39:34Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, yeah. No, here's the order.

• 39:35Andrew Santino?

  I do my butthole for about 20 minutes.

• 39:37Bobby Lee?

  I'll literally tell you my order, okay? So I'll take, you know, we've already established that that plastic thing has a cloth. We already, we already established that on this podcast.

• 39:46Andrew Santino?

  Sure.

• 39:46Bobby Lee?

  Right? So I do, I pull that out, right, I put two different,

• 39:51Bobby Lee?

  a body, um,

• 39:52Andrew Santino?

  Body wash.

• 39:52Bobby Lee?

  Wash on it.

• 39:53Andrew Santino?

  Right.

• 39:53Bobby Lee?

  From two different brands. One of them, probably a, like, you know, something that, that's like a, um, Axe, some bat bullshit one, but then I'll put an organic, like, fancy one.

• 40:01Andrew Santino?

  So you'll feed your dogs high-end food, but you're using Axe on your body?

• 40:05Bobby Lee?

  No, I put Axe, but I put, then I put a high-end one that I got at a boutique place.

• 40:08Andrew Santino?

  Ooh.

• 40:09Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, so I'll combo it up.

• 40:10Andrew Santino?

  Upstairs, downstairs?

• 40:11Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, then I put it in a sud. Then I do the, I do back first. Back, back, arms, arms, chest, right? The in-between, the sacks. Scrub hard.

• 40:20Andrew Santino?

  What do you mean sacks? Is it singular? You have more than one

• 40:24Bobby Lee?

  No, no, no, what, the sack. Either, oh, I have two sacks. I have two sacks, right? Legs, and then what I do is rinse.

• 40:32Andrew Santino?

  Yeah.

• 40:32Bobby Lee?

  And then I do face with my face wash.

• 40:35Andrew Santino?

  Right.

• 40:35Bobby Lee?

  And then I do hair, and then I'm done.

• 40:36Andrew Santino?

  I get that.

• 40:37Bobby Lee?

  What do you do?

• 40:38Andrew Santino?

  I first get in there and I lube up the loofah. I've got my nice little loofah.

• 40:42Bobby Lee?

  How do you get your back with a loofah?

• 40:44Andrew Santino?

  What do you mean, it's on a stick?

• 40:45Bobby Lee?

  Oh.

• 40:46Andrew Santino?

  You don't have a loofah stick?

• 40:47Bobby Lee?

  No.

• 40:47Andrew Santino?

  Oh, it's fantastic. It's actually my favorite, because after you're done loofahing, you can flip the stick around and put it right up your ass.

• 40:54Bobby Lee?

  Yeah.

• 40:54Andrew Santino?

  Love. You don't do that? You don't do a little rabbit tail?

• 40:56Bobby Lee?

  With a loofah stick, though, because I got one on the road, you can't get the real, like, with the fucking one I have, you can really grind out your back.

• 41:05Andrew Santino?

  I, I don't need to.

• 41:06Bobby Lee?

  Rub it deep into the back?

• 41:07Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, I don't know if I need to.

• 41:08Bobby Lee?

  Okay.

• 41:08Andrew Santino?

  Because I get a massage for that.

• 41:11Bobby Lee?

  No, it's just the deep skin. It has nothing to do with the muscles.

• 41:13Andrew Santino?

  But how, this skin is never exposed to almost anything on your back. You don't really need to exfoliate your back.

• 41:18Bobby Lee?

  Oh, that's true, that's true.

• 41:19Andrew Santino?

  What's exposed? So I do the loofah, I loofah it up.

• 41:21Bobby Lee?

  I do sand angels on the on the beach.

• 41:26Andrew Santino?

  I loofah, I loofah, I get the loofah ready and I do chest, neck and back first.

• 41:30Bobby Lee?

  You're great, great, great combo.

• 41:31Andrew Santino?

  Pitsy, pitsy, pitsy, pitsy.

• 41:32Bobby Lee?

  Yeah.

• 41:33Andrew Santino?

  Then I go down to legs and feetsies.

• 41:35Bobby Lee?

  Yeah.

• 41:35Andrew Santino?

  And then I put the loofah down and I

• 41:46Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, yeah. Yeah.

• 41:50Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 41:51Andrew Santino?

  I get a lot. I love a lot.

• 41:52Bobby Lee?

  Yeah.

• 41:53Andrew Santino?

  And I slap it, boom! Right in my pepito and I

• 41:58Andrew Santino?

  and then I get underneath to my nifkin and my butthole.

• 42:00Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 42:00Andrew Santino?

  And I really work this area. I really clean my butthole and my wiener.

• 42:05Bobby Lee?

  Uh huh. I'm just gonna see how much you do.

• 42:10Andrew Santino?

  Yeah.

• 42:11Bobby Lee?

  Okay, that's a lot.

• 42:11Andrew Santino?

  It's a lot.

• 42:12Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 42:12Andrew Santino?

  And then finally, I finish with the top half with face and hair.

• 42:15Bobby Lee?

  Yeah.

• 42:15Andrew Santino?

  That's that last.

• 42:16Bobby Lee?

  Jules?

• 42:17Speaker 04

  I just do hair, shampoo, conditioner, and then body, and then face, and then brush my teeth, and then that's it.

• 42:25Andrew Santino?

  Oh, actually, you know what? I lied. I, the very first thing I do is brush my teeth in the shower. You brush your teeth in the shower?

• 42:31Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 42:31Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, me too.

• 42:32Bobby Lee?

  I don't do any of it.

• 42:33Andrew Santino?

  You've never brushed your teeth?

• 42:34Bobby Lee?

  No.

• 42:34Andrew Santino?

  Let me see. Looks fine.

• 42:36Bobby Lee?

  Yeah.

• 42:37Andrew Santino?

  Yo, let's get a hands. Who brushed their teeth in the shower? Oh, wow.

• 42:40Bobby Lee?

  Not me.

• 42:41Andrew Santino?

  See, people, some people don't like it. I

• 42:43Bobby Lee?

  I don't like it.

• 42:43Andrew Santino?

  It's perfect. I'm already there.

• 42:45Bobby Lee?

  It's, it's, it's like, you know, let me say, honestly, it's like playing basketball on ice.

• 42:50Andrew Santino?

  How?

• 42:51Bobby Lee?

  It just doesn't belong there.

• 42:53Speaker 06

  But you pee in the shower.

• 42:54Andrew Santino?

  No, no, time's up.

• 42:55Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, I peed, I peed, I don't care.

• 42:56Andrew Santino?

  Stop, stop, stop.

• 42:56Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 42:57Andrew Santino?

  I pee in the shower too. He poops in the shower.

• 43:00Bobby Lee?

  I don't poo in the shower, that's insane.

• 43:01Andrew Santino?

  We did a whole episode about it, you smooshed the poop down the drain, you talked about it.

• 43:04Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 43:04Bobby Lee?

  One time.

• 43:06Andrew Santino?

  Okay, that's-

• 43:06Bobby Lee?

  One fucking time, that's not a fucking- One time.

• 43:08Andrew Santino?

  One time too many times.

• 43:09Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, yeah, okay.

• 43:10Speaker 05

  No, that-

• 43:11Andrew Santino?

  One time too many times.

• 43:12Bobby Lee?

  One time.

• 43:12Speaker 05

  I did it a month ago.

• 43:14Andrew Santino?

  You've done it more than-

• 43:14Bobby Lee?

  You pooed in the shower?

• 43:16Speaker 05

  Yeah, I had to go.

• 43:17Bobby Lee?

  Exactly, that's a good one.

• 43:18Speaker 05

  It was diarrhea.

• 43:18Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, there you go.

• 43:19Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 43:20Andrew Santino?

  You've done it often?

• 43:20Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, I'm not, I don't shame Carlos for doing that, I get it.

• 43:23Andrew Santino?

  No, you should.

• 43:24Speaker 05

  Okay.

• 43:24Andrew Santino?

  You do not poop in the shower. Do not poop in the shower.

• 43:27Bobby Lee?

  You do what you need to do.

• 43:28Speaker 05

  Thank you, thank you.

• 43:29Andrew Santino?

  Cause then, then the water, it's gonna smack, you're gonna, mm.

• 43:33Bobby Lee?

  Okay, please, I need a mirror when I brush my teeth.

• 43:35Andrew Santino?

  What are you looking at?

• 43:36Bobby Lee?

  So you can go-

• 43:38Bobby Lee?

  You have to do.

• 43:39Andrew Santino?

  I have my phone, I have my phone, I could, if I needed to look.

• 43:42Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 43:42Andrew Santino?

  I have my phone.

• 43:42Bobby Lee?

  I just don't, I feel like, it's not, doesn't belong there.

• 43:46Andrew Santino?

  I get this, people say this, but I think it does, cause it's the first thing I like to do, it's warm, the water on your back is so warm and you're brushing under the warmth, it's just, it's a perfect combination.

• 43:53Bobby Lee?

  Ah, it just seems like you're doing your taxes in the water, it doesn't make any sense.

• 43:57Bobby Lee?

  Like you're- You know, with a cockle, like, epicus, whatever you use.

• 44:00Andrew Santino?

  So hygienically, you're cleaning your body and then also cleaning your mouth doesn't belong in the cleaning, in the cleaning-

• 44:05Bobby Lee?

  Maybe you're right, but I don't, I just ca- I would never do it.

• 44:08Andrew Santino?

  I think you should, will you try it?

• 44:09Bobby Lee?

  Okay.

• 44:10Andrew Santino?

  Please. I, I'd like, unfortunately, I wanna know how Andres does his, but I know it's gonna be fucking really weird and annoying. How do you do your shower?

• 44:19Speaker 06

  It's like north to south.

• 44:20Andrew Santino?

  You start up top and go down?

• 44:22Speaker 06

  Yep.

• 44:22Andrew Santino?

  Wow, always.

• 44:24Speaker 06

  Always.

• 44:24Andrew Santino?

  Alright, so everybody, okay, Carlos, what's your shower routine?

• 44:27Speaker 05

  Uh, get it, it's a lot like Rudy's, actually.

• 44:30Bobby Lee?

  Hmm.

• 44:31Andrew Santino?

  Well, you like baths, right? Cause you like to have that, the water on your clit.

• 44:35Speaker 05

  I do like baths, actually.

• 44:36Bobby Lee?

  I love baths.

• 44:36Andrew Santino?

  Me too, who doesn't? They're fucking amazing, but he lets the water rush on his little clit.

• 44:40Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, um, I, I, I just, about, in terms of baths, um, what you got me for my birthday.

• 44:45Speaker 04

  Was it bad?

• 44:46Bobby Lee?

  No, it's not that bad, it's just like, I don't know what the point is.

• 44:49Speaker 04

  I don't even-

• 44:50Bobby Lee?

  She gives me like-

• 44:50Andrew Santino?

  Bath salts?

• 44:51Bobby Lee?

  No, it was flowers. Like full-blown petals.

• 44:54Andrew Santino?

  Oh no, they're, it's actually the aromatics, it's good for you.

• 44:57Bobby Lee?

  Really?

• 44:57Andrew Santino?

  It's supposed to calm you down, yeah, it's really-

• 44:58Bobby Lee?

  But I gotta pick all, I gotta pick all the shit up.

• 45:00Andrew Santino?

  You have someone clean your fucking house for you, you don't do that. She's right there. She gave herself garbage.

• 45:07Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, when's the last time you cleaned my house? Months.

• 45:09Speaker 04

  Months?

• 45:10Bobby Lee?

  Yeah.

• 45:10Andrew Santino?

  Get back to it.

• 45:11Speaker 04

  It's too much.

• 45:12Bobby Lee?

  It's too much.

• 45:13Andrew Santino?

  Is it?

• 45:13Bobby Lee?

  I got a new person.

• 45:14Andrew Santino?

  You did?

• 45:15Bobby Lee?

  Yeah.

• 45:16Andrew Santino?

  One person or more than one?

• 45:17Bobby Lee?

  It's a cabal of Hispanics.

• 45:20Andrew Santino?

  It's a cabal?

• 45:20Bobby Lee?

  A cabal of Hispanics.

• 45:22Andrew Santino?

  Wow, just one pickup truck, thirty-five Hispanics?

• 45:25Bobby Lee?

  And they're amazing.

• 45:26Andrew Santino?

  Yeah?

• 45:26Bobby Lee?

  Yeah.

• 45:26Andrew Santino?

  Where did you find these people?

• 45:29Bobby Lee?

  Through my friend, why?

• 45:30Andrew Santino?

  Because what if I need somebody?

• 45:32Bobby Lee?

  It's through Gilbert, Gilbert, she's great.

• 45:34Andrew Santino?

  Okay.

• 45:34Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 45:34Andrew Santino?

  I have a woman that I'm dearly, dearly in love with.

• 45:36Bobby Lee?

  Well, then why'd you ask me?

• 45:37Andrew Santino?

  In case she doesn't do it anymore. What if she stops one day?

• 45:40Bobby Lee?

  Yeah.

• 45:41Andrew Santino?

  She's incre- dude, this woman is so fucking beautiful and nice. She real- I'm not, I'm not, I'm actually not even making a comedy joke right now.

• 45:47Bobby Lee?

  Yeah.

• 45:47Andrew Santino?

  She's such a fucking lovely person. Her heart is so beautiful. She walks in the door and sits and plays with the dog before, she's like, "My friend, my friend." And she'll like sing to the dog and sit and play with the dog. It like makes my soul so happy when I see her and she's always in a good mood. And I've told her multiple times. I've said, "You know, if you want me to get you food or you want to eat or whatever, anything in the house you can have." Always, anything. I've never seen her eat. I've never seen her drink water. She's never gone to the bathroom. Never. I'm always like, "You know, you can have any of the food in the fridge, you can do anything you want." She's like, "No."

• 46:26Bobby Lee?

  Okay.

• 46:27Andrew Santino?

  "No, it's okay."

• 46:27Bobby Lee?

  But do you do the Bobby Lee test of deception?

• 46:31Andrew Santino?

  I leave money all over the place.

• 46:32Bobby Lee?

  That's what I do.

• 46:33Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, I leave thousands and thousands of dollars.

• 46:35Bobby Lee?

  Deception, and what I do is I leave random money.

• 46:39Andrew Santino?

  Yeah.

• 46:39Bobby Lee?

  Tens, twenties, sometimes hundreds.

• 46:41Andrew Santino?

  Yeah.

• 46:41Bobby Lee?

  In places to see if they take.

• 46:45Andrew Santino?

  Yeah.

• 46:45Bobby Lee?

  And they never take.

• 46:46Andrew Santino?

  They never take?

• 46:47Bobby Lee?

  That's the test. Because if they take, I fire.

• 46:51Andrew Santino?

  You kill.

• 46:53Bobby Lee?

  You don't kill, but do you do that?

• 46:54Andrew Santino?

  Well, I went to a jewelry store, I got a bunch of loose diamonds.

• 46:57Bobby Lee?

  That's what you have to do.

• 46:57Andrew Santino?

  And I'll just put diamonds all over them.

• 47:00Bobby Lee?

  That's insane.

• 47:01Andrew Santino?

  No, but she's so, it's like she's so honest. If she did take from me, I don't care. She's such a good person. If she was like, if I caught her and she was like, I steal this. I'd be like, okay.

• 47:13Bobby Lee?

  Well, I guess if you were cleaning and you saw like a random dollar bill, you would in your head go, oh, that's a test of the sapchon.

• 47:21Bobby Lee?

  Right?

• 47:21Speaker 05

  I passed this test recently, I'm proud to say.

• 47:24Andrew Santino?

  What happened?

• 47:25Speaker 05

  I was at Mercedes and there was a $5 bill on the bench and I just took a picture of it and I didn't take it.

• 47:30Andrew Santino?

  Okay, this is not the same scenario. You're an idiot. You should have taken the $5 bill.

• 47:33Speaker 05

  Really?

• 47:34Andrew Santino?

  What the fuck?

• 47:34Bobby Lee?

  In the wild.

• 47:35Andrew Santino?

  The wild is fine.

• 47:36Bobby Lee?

  In the wild, yes.

• 47:38Andrew Santino?

  Money in the wild?

• 47:39Speaker 05

  I thought I was being filmed or something.

• 47:41Andrew Santino?

  For what?

• 47:42Speaker 05

  Yeah, streamer, playing.

• 47:43Bobby Lee?

  Oh yeah, sometimes they do that, right?

• 47:44Andrew Santino?

  I know, but what would be the, you picked up a random, was there anybody around you?

• 47:48Speaker 05

  No one.

• 47:48Andrew Santino?

  That's your money.

• 47:49Speaker 05

  I left.

• 47:50Bobby Lee?

  Okay, have you seen these? Carlos, have you seen these? Okay. Where they like, they'll have like, um, a little girl like on a bench?

• 47:59Andrew Santino?

  Oh, yeah, I hate.

• 47:59Bobby Lee?

  Okay, so what I'm talking, they're tests of trust.

• 48:02Andrew Santino?

  I hate that.

• 48:02Bobby Lee?

  Right? Where it's like, you know, um, like a woman will be sitting there, right? Who's like a, you know, a, a plant. Right? And then some guy will hit on her, right? And some stranger, hey, whoa, whoa, whoa. I'm so grateful I'm not in that.

• 48:18Andrew Santino?

  Yeah.

• 48:18Bobby Lee?

  Because I don't think, I don't know, I think I would fail.

• 48:21Andrew Santino?

  You'd walk away.

• 48:22Bobby Lee?

  I would just be like, oh, that's weird. You know, and then I walk away. Or if a little girl comes in, excuse me, sir. I don't have any water. And I'd be like, oh, you do it here when you walk in.

• 48:33Andrew Santino?

  Get the fuck away from me.

• 48:35Bobby Lee?

  They catch me doing that. I'm fucked, dude.

• 48:36Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, you're done.

• 48:37Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 48:37Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, no, those tests of.

• 48:38Bobby Lee?

  What would you do?

• 48:39Andrew Santino?

  That's the name of the show.

• 48:40Bobby Lee?

  Yeah.

• 48:41Andrew Santino?

  It's called John, John, John Caniones, What Would You Do? Right? Isn't that what it's called? What Would You Do?

• 48:46Bobby Lee?

  Yeah. What would you do?

• 48:48Andrew Santino?

  If I saw that, yeah, that's what it's called. What Would You Do?

• 48:50Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, that's what it is.

• 48:51Andrew Santino?

  Literally the show we're talking about.

• 48:52Bobby Lee?

  What would you do?

• 48:54Andrew Santino?

  I, I honestly, I'm so aloof in public.

• 48:57Bobby Lee?

  Me too.

• 48:57Andrew Santino?

  I'm probably just walking by.

• 48:58Bobby Lee?

  Oh yeah, I don't know.

• 48:59Andrew Santino?

  I'm not gonna stay there and take care of it.

• 49:01Bobby Lee?

  Is there anything that you, a, a, a punk that you did that was like, that aired, that went crazy?

• 49:07Andrew Santino?

  Uh, is there a punk that I did that went, I mean, you mean like, like it did well?

• 49:11Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, but that was like, they were mad, like super mad or?

• 49:15Andrew Santino?

  I mean, no, I don't think there was anything that we did that, uh, like everything that aired kind of went. Uh, I will say, oh, there were, no, that's not true.

• 49:24Bobby Lee?

  There's so many lives you've lived.

• 49:25Andrew Santino?

  There's one, there's one that we did in the hills and I don't remember who it was and it was a bad idea. I don't remember the girl. I don't remember. We were in the hills and, um,

• 49:36Andrew Santino?

  I was pretending like, uh, I was lost and they were house-sitting and I pretended like I was a guy who was just like lost in the hills and my car died. And somehow we figured out a way to get me inside of the home. And this woman thought she was like trapped with a, the Hitchhiker Killer or something like that. It was fucked. It was such a bad bit. It was so stupid and so overblown. This woman was on the phone with her mother, like crying, just bawling, crying.

• 50:00Bobby Lee?

  And they never aired that either?

• 50:01Andrew Santino?

  No, did not. I don't think we aired that one. No, no, no, no. No, I mean, the, the, the Arab ones are, you know, like Ephron, hitting an old woman. We hit an old woman with a car, a stunt woman.

• 50:09Bobby Lee?

  Oh, you do that guy from then?

• 50:10Andrew Santino?

  That's the first time I met him.

• 50:11Bobby Lee?

  Wow.

• 50:12Andrew Santino?

  Yeah. Yeah. That was the first time I met that guy. Anyway.

• 50:15Bobby Lee?

  Deep Hollywood connections.

• 50:17Andrew Santino?

  Well, first of all, I was, first of all, I was a kid, I was an actor on Punk that no one knew and people still didn't know that I did that.

• 50:23Bobby Lee?

  I remember you then.

• 50:24Andrew Santino?

  And I got paid like fucking forty dollars.

• 50:26Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, but I always remember this guy's on the rise.

• 50:28Andrew Santino?

  You know what's so funny? Here I am, shooting punked. No, no, listen how funny this is. Here I am, shooting punked, shooting a TV show, writing it and being an actor in it.

• 50:35Bobby Lee?

  Yeah.

• 50:36Andrew Santino?

  Working at the studio and I was worried about rent every month.

• 50:39Bobby Lee?

  That's insane.

• 50:40Andrew Santino?

  I was so worried.

• 50:40Bobby Lee?

  Yeah.

• 50:41Andrew Santino?

  There was a month that I almost didn't pay rent.

• 50:42Bobby Lee?

  Yeah.

• 50:43Andrew Santino?

  Because I got paid so little money from the show.

• 50:45Bobby Lee?

  What'd you make a, a week?

• 50:47Andrew Santino?

  It wasn't a week. It was an episode. You got paid an episode.

• 50:49Bobby Lee?

  How much you get an episode?

• 50:50Andrew Santino?

  I think it was, I think it was fifteen hundred dollars, something like that, an episode.

• 50:54Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, but then with taxes and all that stuff.

• 50:56Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, to pay my agent, my lawyer.

• 50:57Bobby Lee?

  Seven hundred dollars.

• 50:57Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, eight hundred bucks, seven hundred bucks.

• 50:59Bobby Lee?

  And how many episodes you do a month?

• 51:01Andrew Santino?

  Oh, no, it was not a month. In total, we only did ten or eleven. I don't even know what we did.

• 51:04Bobby Lee?

  And that was your only income?

• 51:06Andrew Santino?

  I was forced to work for the studio full-time. Like, like I got, I got put in that system and I was working for the studio. Yeah, like I was writing for them and all that stuff and I was, yeah.

• 51:17Bobby Lee?

  You got ripped off.

• 51:19Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, we got cooked. Those guys were making millions of dollars. We were fucking. I mean, that's Hollywood and that's what they do.

• 51:24Bobby Lee?

  My Mad TV was forty-five hundred dollars a week.

• 51:26Andrew Santino?

  That's great.

• 51:27Bobby Lee?

  Yeah.

• 51:28Andrew Santino?

  That's really good money.

• 51:29Bobby Lee?

  But you only got four the first year.

• 51:32Andrew Santino?

  What do you mean? Oh, only got four episodes. Okay, right.

• 51:35Bobby Lee?

  And then you can't do anything else.

• 51:36Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, and they hold you.

• 51:37Bobby Lee?

  So then you're like, what am I gonna?

• 51:39Andrew Santino?

  That's just...

• 51:39Bobby Lee?

  What the fuck am I gonna?

• 51:40Andrew Santino?

  It's weird to be on TV.

• 51:42Bobby Lee?

  Yeah.

• 51:42Andrew Santino?

  And people from home being like, dude, you're on TV.

• 51:45Bobby Lee?

  I know, you get this.

• 51:45Andrew Santino?

  And you're like,

• 51:46Bobby Lee?

  I can't.

• 51:47Andrew Santino?

  I can't pay rent.

• 51:48Bobby Lee?

  Do anything.

• 51:49Andrew Santino?

  It's fucked. The business is fucked. That's why you...

• 51:51Bobby Lee?

  You're still eating at Arby's and like...

• 51:53Andrew Santino?

  Arby's? What, are you rich?

• 51:54Bobby Lee?

  I know, I know.

• 51:55Andrew Santino?

  I was eating out of...

• 51:56Bobby Lee?

  Exactly.

• 51:57Andrew Santino?

  Maybe out of the trash can behind the Arby's.

• 51:58Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, maybe at the Comedy Store.

• 52:00Andrew Santino?

  Have you guys got any beef you're throwing away? Beans on toast, this is pretty hungry.

• 52:04Bobby Lee?

  Yeah. But now at the Comedy Store, they're like, dude, congratulations. And you're like, yeah, I'm making less money than I...

• 52:09Andrew Santino?

  Than I was before?

• 52:10Bobby Lee?

  Before.

• 52:11Andrew Santino?

  Oh dude, are you kidding me? Free meals at comedy clubs?

• 52:13Bobby Lee?

  Oh my god.

• 52:14Andrew Santino?

  When they were like, uh, when I would go and play those clubs, I'd be like, hey, can we get lunch and dinner here?

• 52:20Bobby Lee?

  Yeah.

• 52:21Andrew Santino?

  And they were like, what? Why? I'm like, pay for food.

• 52:24Bobby Lee?

  But I played it right. I remember the first year I went, I got on it, I can't say her name, but a Hispanic girl. We all know her, I think. Right? And so there was like, um, a couple of weeks where we weren't in anything.

• 52:40Andrew Santino?

  Didn't make a sketch.

• 52:41Bobby Lee?

  Not a single sketch.

• 52:41Andrew Santino?

  Right.

• 52:42Bobby Lee?

  Right? And all the white new dudes, people were getting everything.

• 52:45Andrew Santino?

  White new dudes?

• 52:46Bobby Lee?

  Yeah. And then, so I remember her coming into my dressing room crying. And she goes, this is fucked up. I go, what is it? And she's like, well, I mean, you're Asian, I'm Hispanic, and we're not getting it, right? I'm gonna go to the president of the, you know, of the company.

• 53:01Andrew Santino?

  Of Fox?

• 53:02Bobby Lee?

  No, of the show, the guy that owns the show.

• 53:04Andrew Santino?

  Oh, right.

• 53:05Bobby Lee?

  Who was like this old Hollywood mogul, right? I can say his name, he's a great guy, David Salzman.

• 53:09Andrew Santino?

  Okay.

• 53:10Bobby Lee?

  This just, oh, he did Dallas and Judge Judy. And this is an old guy, right? And I grabbed her by the wrist, I go, please don't.

• 53:19Bobby Lee?

  And if you do, leave my name out of it.

• 53:22Andrew Santino?

  We will be fired.

• 53:23Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, yeah. And she's like, no, I'm making a mistake. This is bullshit. She goes, knocks on his door and just went into a cry fest, right? Two weeks later, I never saw her again.

• 53:33Andrew Santino?

  You got fired? Yeah.

• 53:34Bobby Lee?

  Yeah.

• 53:34Andrew Santino?

  That's what happens.

• 53:35Bobby Lee?

  And I was in nothing and I just.

• 53:39Bobby Lee?

  My finger's on the fucking dressing room wall.

• 53:41Andrew Santino?

  Yeah.

• 53:42Bobby Lee?

  Just hanging.

• 53:43Andrew Santino?

  Bobby? Yes?

• 53:44Bobby Lee?

  They're taking my ankle trying to get me out. I'm like, I'm not leaving, right? And that's, I think that was the right, right move. It took years for me to get anything really legitimate. But I just, I barely made every, you know what I mean?

• 53:58Andrew Santino?

  But you didn't get fired.

• 53:59Bobby Lee?

  You gotta play it smart.

• 54:00Andrew Santino?

  You didn't get fired.

• 54:01Bobby Lee?

  Yeah.

• 54:01Andrew Santino?

  And you got, you gotta play it smart.

• 54:03Bobby Lee?

  Yeah.

• 54:03Andrew Santino?

  Something that you don't, you, she doesn't have to. With her generation, she can do whatever she wants.

• 54:08Bobby Lee?

  Can I tell you another story about, I have to tell you this, so.

• 54:12Bobby Lee?

  I'm not gonna name any names, but I, um. There was another female comic from the store. Right? That was gonna test for Mad TV.

• 54:22Andrew Santino?

  Whitney?

• 54:23Bobby Lee?

  No, I can't tell you.

• 54:23Andrew Santino?

  Okay.

• 54:24Bobby Lee?

  Right? And so we were, I remember seeing her and I go, oh, so, um. Are you nervous about the test?

• 54:31Andrew Santino?

  Yeah.

• 54:32Bobby Lee?

  And she goes, I ain't doing it. And I go, why? She goes, I need 10 grand.

• 54:37Andrew Santino?

  To test?

• 54:38Bobby Lee?

  I need 10 grand, because you know, you negotiate.

• 54:40Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, I know. Was she famous already?

• 54:41Bobby Lee?

  No.

• 54:41Andrew Santino?

  Oh.

• 54:42Bobby Lee?

  She was just the same comic I was.

• 54:45Andrew Santino?

  Sure.

• 54:45Bobby Lee?

  Nobody.

• 54:46Andrew Santino?

  Right.

• 54:46Bobby Lee?

  And I go, you're asking for 10,000 in Epiphany? Because the initial thing is 4,500, right? And she goes, yeah. And I go, oh, I'm testing. I don't care. They could give me peanuts? I'm fucking testing.

• 55:00Andrew Santino?

  Air one peanuts, though.

• 55:01Bobby Lee?

  Right.

• 55:01Andrew Santino?

  Yeah.

• 55:01Bobby Lee?

  And then so, five years after that. I was at a restaurant.

• 55:06Andrew Santino?

  She served you?

• 55:07Bobby Lee?

  Yeah.

• 55:08Andrew Santino?

  Oh.

• 55:08Bobby Lee?

  And you know what she said to me? She goes, I should have taken the 4,500.

• 55:12Andrew Santino?

  Oh my god, that hurts my heart.

• 55:14Bobby Lee?

  And, and, I swear to god, and I was, my heart cracked.

• 55:17Andrew Santino?

  You stiffed her on the tip?

• 55:18Bobby Lee?

  I go, yeah, but hey dude, can I get the fucking, um, ketchup?

• 55:23Bobby Lee?

  You know what I mean?

• 55:23Andrew Santino?

  You guys have hot sauce?

• 55:24Bobby Lee?

  I asked you for the hot sauce, you know what I mean? Yeah.

• 55:25Andrew Santino?

  Oh, that's awful.

• 55:26Bobby Lee?

  And we, and she never worked again. Never saw her again.

• 55:29Andrew Santino?

  My god.

• 55:30Bobby Lee?

  She should have taken it.

• 55:31Andrew Santino?

  Yeah.

• 55:32Bobby Lee?

  Because she would have killed it on that show.

• 55:33Andrew Santino?

  Oh. We need, we need to figure out a way to have Rudy get her act together, so we don't have a. A failure on our hands.

• 55:43Bobby Lee?

  Oh, that's the.

• 55:44Andrew Santino?

  That's a lesson.

• 55:46Bobby Lee?

  Did you hear the lessons today?

• 55:47Speaker 04

  Yeah, I'm scared.

• 55:48Bobby Lee?

  No, no, you don't have to be scared. You have to make the right decision.

• 55:51Andrew Santino?

  No, you should be scared.

• 55:52Speaker 04

  But how do you know that you're making the right decisions?

• 55:56Andrew Santino?

  Fuck, that's a good question.

• 55:57Bobby Lee?

  That is a very good question.

• 55:58Andrew Santino?

  I actually don't know.

• 55:59Bobby Lee?

  Well, I mean, the opportunities that you get.

• 56:02Andrew Santino?

  Seize them.

• 56:03Bobby Lee?

  You seize them.

• 56:04Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 56:05Bobby Lee?

  You don't go against them. Because I really honestly believe that one day, and don't give me that face.

• 56:11Andrew Santino?

  Don't give him that face.

• 56:11Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, one day you're gonna look back at certain times in your life, you're gonna go, oh, I, I didn't see it for what it was.

• 56:18Andrew Santino?

  And say that to all of our fans, too. Sometimes it's like if it's right there in front of you, the worst you, the worst that can happen is that it just doesn't work the way you think, but you gotta keep trying it.

• 56:26Bobby Lee?

  Like, for instance, if you, if Seven Echis wanted to do a podcast with you individually, and you know what I mean, and they go, you wanna try it? Right? I think your instinct would be, no, I don't wanna do it, right?

• 56:38Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 56:39Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, well, then don't, but I think you'd regret it.

• 56:41Andrew Santino?

  Because.

• 56:42Bobby Lee?

  Because the iron is hot now.

• 56:44Andrew Santino?

  Right.

• 56:45Bobby Lee?

  It won't be 10 years from now.

• 56:47Andrew Santino?

  If you try it and it doesn't work, all that, all that happened was it didn't work. It doesn't matter. You don't lose, you know? It just didn't work.

• 56:52Bobby Lee?

  Because in this moment in your life, you can make as much money as you can, and then, you know, later, you know, have a little savings or whatever, but I, I honestly believe that, you know, um, life is hard.

• 57:03Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 57:04Bobby Lee?

  And it's hard out there to make a living, and we've seen people struggle, and it's like, you know, I feel like I've, and me and Andrew both have made

• 57:14Bobby Lee?

  decisions that were like, at the end of the day, you know, beneficial.

• 57:17Andrew Santino?

  Well, and I made some failures. I did a lot of failures.

• 57:19Bobby Lee?

  Me too, me too.

• 57:20Andrew Santino?

  I mean, most of the things I did was, was, not a failure, most of the things I did didn't work out the way I thought they might have worked out. Bad sitcoms, bad, bad, bad scripts and testing, and it doesn't work. It just didn't work. And then you co-go-go until it works, but not seizing the opportunity is tough, and we want you to win. All we care about is you winning.

• 57:39Speaker 04

  I, I think I am more open, though.

• 57:41Bobby Lee?

  I know you are.

• 57:42Andrew Santino?

  I think, I think you've grown so much on this show. It is crazy.

• 57:46Bobby Lee?

  So much.

• 57:46Andrew Santino?

  Well, end the show, tell him goodbye.

• 57:48Speaker 04

  Thank you for being a bad friend.

• 57:50Andrew Santino?

  Fantastic.