Tamera Mowry On Dealing with Rejection, Reinventing Herself & The Impacts of Fame EP 1189

Today’s guest is Tamera Mowry. She's an Emmy award-winning host, actress, producer, and entrepreneur who has captivated audiences for over 20 years. Tamera started her career in Hollywood alongside her sister, Tia, on the hit show Sister, Sister, which aired over 100 episodes from 1994-1999. She also co-hosted the groundbreaking and Emmy-winning talk show, The Real, for six seasons. She’s an entrepreneur with her own coffeehouse and coffee line called Barnhouse Napa Brews and most recently she’s one of the hosts on HGTV’s show Table Wars. In this episode we discuss how Tamera dealt with her identity after the end of her first hit TV show, how to deal with self doubt and find inner peace, how to be successful as a parent while also pursuing your dreams, what Tamera wishes she could share with her 10 year old self and so much more! For more go to: www.lewishowes.com/1189Mel Robbins: The “Secret” Mindset Habit to Building Confidence and Overcoming Scarcity: https://link.chtbl.com/970-podDr. Joe Dispenza on Healing the Body and Transforming the Mind: https://link.chtbl.com/826-podMaster Your Mind and Defy the Odds with David Goggins: https://link.chtbl.com/715-pod Get more from Lewis! Get my New York Times Bestselling book, Make Money Easy! Get The Greatness Mindset audiobook on SpotifyText Lewis AIYouTubeInstagramWebsiteTiktokFacebookX

Speaker names marked ? are inferred from speaking time and the show’s known hosts — they are not voice-verified.

• 0:00Lewis Howes?

  This is episode number 1,189 with Tamara Mowry Housley.

• 0:07Lewis Howes?

  Welcome to the School of Greatness. My name is Lewis Howes, a former pro athlete turned lifestyle entrepreneur. And each week we bring you an inspiring person or message to help you discover how to unlock your inner greatness. Thanks for spending some time with me today. Now let the class begin.

• 0:31Lewis Howes?

  Welcome back, my friend. Today's guest is Tamara Mowry Housley, and she is an Emmy award-winning host, an incredible actress, producer, and entrepreneur who has captivated audiences for over 20 years. And Tamera started her career in Hollywood alongside her sister Tia on the hit show Sister Sister, which aired over 100 episodes from 1994 to 1999, which is incredible. She also co-hosted the groundbreaking and Emmy-winning talk show The Real for six seasons. She's an entrepreneur with her own coffee house and coffee line called Barnhouse Napa Brews. And most recently, she's one of the hosts on the HGTV show Table Wars.

• 1:11Lewis Howes?

  And in this episode, Tamara talks about how she dealt with her identity after the end of her first big hit TV show and what that was like trying to get more gigs and try to be an actor in that world. How to deal with self-doubt and find inner peace along the journey. We dive in on that. She talks about how to be successful as a parent while also pursuing your dreams and goals. What Tamera wishes she could share with her 10-year-old self before she really got into the industry, and some emotional moments towards the end as well. So get ready for an inspiring time with Tamara. I'm so excited about this. And if you're inspired at any moment, make sure to share this with someone that you think needs to hear this message. And if this is your first time here, please click the subscribe button right now over on Apple Podcasts or Spotify.

• 1:55Lewis Howes?

  You can subscribe to us over on YouTube. We have almost 2 million subscribers over on YouTube as well. So anywhere you like to consume your information, go check us out and subscribe. And I want to give a shout out to our fan of the week, and this is from Sauce. Sauce said, "A variety of guests and topics touched by these discussions is truly mind blowing and serves to broaden our horizons. Whether we agree or not, and I listen to a lot of podcasts, but never have I heard so many different guests genuinely say, wow, that's a great question, to Lewis's interrogations. I truly appreciate it and acknowledge you for it. So, a big thank you to Sauce for that review over on Apple Podcasts and for being the fan of the week. And yes, I do like to ask those deep and personal intimate questions,

• 2:39Lewis Howes?

  because that's where the magic is. That's where the juice is in these interviews. And we definitely go there today with Tamara. So, without further ado, in just a moment, I bring you the one and only Tamara Mowry.

• 2:54Lewis Howes?

  Welcome back everyone to the School of Greatness. Very excited about our guest Tamara Mowry in the house. Good to see you.

• 3:01Speaker 01

  Thanks. High five. Yes.

• 3:03Lewis Howes?

  High five, connection, intimacy, vulnerability, all of it. I love it.

• 3:08Speaker 01

  I love that.

• 3:09Lewis Howes?

  I, uh, for anyone watching or listening, if you grew up in the 80s or 90s like myself, we remember you from the show Sister Sister, which was a huge hit.

• 3:17Speaker 01

  I know.

• 3:18Lewis Howes?

  Massive hit.

• 3:19Speaker 01

  I know.

• 3:20Lewis Howes?

  You still probably get recognized from that show.

• 3:22Speaker 01

  I do.

• 3:22Lewis Howes?

  More than anything else? Or is that, was other things starting to get recognized from, where they're like, "Oh, I just love you from Instagram," or "I love you from this thing."

• 3:29Speaker 01

  From The Real.

• 3:30Lewis Howes?

  The Real.

• 3:30Speaker 01

  So, the talk show that I did, they recognized me a lot from that. Oh, and Twitches. Twitches was on the Disney Channel.

• 3:39Lewis Howes?

  Okay.

• 3:39Speaker 01

  I played a twin witch. So, I'm a twin. Twitches.

• 3:44Lewis Howes?

  That's cool.

• 3:45Speaker 01

  Yeah. It was amazing. I did two for the Disney Channel. And it's when movies like, did like amazing, it was 21 million people watched that.

• 3:57Lewis Howes?

  Wow.

• 3:57Speaker 01

  In three days.

• 3:58Lewis Howes?

  That's crazy.

• 3:59Speaker 01

  21 million.

• 4:00Lewis Howes?

  That's a lot of people.

• 4:01Speaker 01

  A lot of people.

• 4:02Lewis Howes?

  That's amazing.

• 4:03Speaker 01

  I know.

• 4:03Lewis Howes?

  So, you grew, you kind of grew up pre-social media, where you were famous, well-known on TV for many years.

• 4:11Speaker 01

  Yes.

• 4:11Lewis Howes?

  And you were young. You were like teen, early twenties into that show.

• 4:16Speaker 01

  Yes.

• 4:16Lewis Howes?

  What was that like being, I guess, famous, if you want to call it that, pre-social media days? And how did you learn to stay confident, not, you know, not get insecure, or let things get to your head at such an early age, while achieving that much and being famous on the, on the scene?

• 4:34Speaker 01

  I know. I would have to say my upbringing, my environment. My mom, my dad, my grandmother, my aunts, my uncles. They were all very proud of what I achieved at such a young age. But it didn't define me in their eyes.

• 4:58Lewis Howes?

  What defined you?

• 4:59Speaker 01

  Yes, character. Who I was as a person then and who I was becoming. And I feel like that is how I survived. And my parents taught me at a very young age. This is amazing, but it's not going to last.

• 5:19Lewis Howes?

  Really?

• 5:19Speaker 01

  Mm-hmm.

• 5:20Lewis Howes?

  They're like, okay, one season, maybe two, maybe three. Didn't it go for like five or seven?

• 5:23Speaker 01

  It went for six.

• 5:24Lewis Howes?

  Six seasons, isn't crazy?

• 5:26Speaker 01

  Yes. And I remember being upset at my mother. We were at the table read and I was just, you know, so excited. And I was like, well, well dang, like rain on my parade.

• 5:39Lewis Howes?

  When did she say that? Was that season one or season?

• 5:42Speaker 01

  Before we even started. She wanted to set us up for success. And in that moment, I didn't know what she was doing. But as we were, you know, shooting, I learned that. I learned to be grateful for every single moment. So that when it did end, I was like, okay, it's time to move on. Let's, let's do, you know, something else. And I was prepared for that transition. And it's because of what she said in the beginning that I didn't like. But she was just, you know, she was very real. And that's the thing about our mom, still to this day. If you wanted the truth, you ask her.

• 6:27Speaker 01

  If you didn't want to hear the truth, don't. Because you were gonna get it either way.

• 6:32Lewis Howes?

  Now, I've interviewed different actors who said that, you know, some of them, I won't say their names, but they had some big shows, right? They were on for three, four, five, seven seasons or whatever for big shows. And then for years, they were not able to get anything because they were kind of typecast.

• 6:49Speaker 01

  Yes.

• 6:50Lewis Howes?

  You know, how did you, especially being even more kind of pigeonholed as a twin?

• 6:55Speaker 01

  Yes.

• 6:55Lewis Howes?

  Actor, which is very rare, it's a very niche role. It was successful. How were you able to reinvent or continue building your career beyond that original huge show? And did things keep happening right away?

• 7:10Speaker 01

  No.

• 7:11Lewis Howes?

  Or did it take some years where you're like?

• 7:12Speaker 01

  Took some years.

• 7:13Lewis Howes?

  We're not getting any phone calls.

• 7:14Speaker 01

  Exactly. So I was prepared for the transition of becoming, as Tim Reed would say, a civilian.

• 7:22Lewis Howes?

  Really?

• 7:23Speaker 01

  I was ready for that. What I wasn't prepared for was the silence of phone calls that happened after that.

• 7:32Lewis Howes?

  What do you mean? You calling people and no one picking up, or you're not getting calls?

• 7:37Speaker 01

  Not getting calls.

• 7:38Lewis Howes?

  Yeah.

• 7:38Speaker 01

  Or going out for auditions and people just seeing this young comedic girl when you were actually a woman. I was 21 when I ended that show.

• 7:53Lewis Howes?

  Wow.

• 7:54Speaker 01

  But, I mean, I do have the gift of a young face.

• 7:57Lewis Howes?

  Yes, you do.

• 7:58Speaker 01

  Thank God for my genes.

• 8:00Lewis Howes?

  Yes.

• 8:00Speaker 01

  But at the same time, it took casting directors, I think, a while to actually see that I wasn't just this young girl that did slapstick comedy. That I could actually, I can remember going on an audition, I wanted to do a drama. And the casting director looking at me saying, "You need to just stick to comedy."

• 8:23Lewis Howes?

  Really?

• 8:23Speaker 01

  Yeah. She says-

• 8:24Lewis Howes?

  After your audition?

• 8:26Speaker 01

  After my audition. And you'd think, success of Sister Sister. I won a Kids' Choice Award.

• 8:32Lewis Howes?

  Right.

• 8:32Speaker 01

  Not once, but like three times.

• 8:34Lewis Howes?

  Yeah, it's a big deal.

• 8:35Speaker 01

  The Golden Blimp.

• 8:36Lewis Howes?

  Right.

• 8:36Speaker 01

  And, you know, in double ACP Image Awards. But what I learned in Hollywood, it's like-

• 8:45Speaker 01

  I'm just gonna be honest, they really don't care. You have to, you know, constantly bring it and constantly grow. And in that moment, I could have, two things could have happened. I could have believed her. Or I could have used it as fuel. And that is what I did. So I took acting classes.

• 9:10Lewis Howes?

  Really?

• 9:10Speaker 01

  Yes.

• 9:11Lewis Howes?

  After five, seven years of being acting consistently on this massive show, you went back and took classes?

• 9:18Speaker 01

  And guess what? I'm still taking acting classes.

• 9:20Lewis Howes?

  Wow, that's great.

• 9:21Speaker 01

  I, I always want to learn. And I had to learn the art of auditioning. And I didn't really, because I was working for six, seven years. I forgot how to audition. So I pretty much had to start all over. I didn't get a series. I was 21.

• 9:44Speaker 01

  When I ended, it's just, I didn't get a series until I was 25, 26. So it was four years.

• 9:48Lewis Howes?

  Forty-five years is a long wait for someone who's been working consistently.

• 9:52Speaker 01

  Yeah, and there were moments of doubt. There were moments of, okay, I thought I was just gonna quit. I was, I went to school, I went to college, that's something I always wanted to do.

• 10:03Lewis Howes?

  To Pepperdine, right?

• 10:04Speaker 01

  Pepperdine University. I was feeling, I was literally, my country accent came out, feeling, I was, well, signing like, uh, filling out a questionnaire to become a private school kindergarten teacher. Because I literally thought I was never gonna work.

• 10:20Lewis Howes?

  Shut up.

• 10:21Speaker 01

  I swear.

• 10:22Lewis Howes?

  Wow.

• 10:23Speaker 01

  The moment I filled that out, I got a call. And it was an audition for Strong Medicine. I said these three words before the audition. Because I was like, I remember that last lady, what she said. I remember the room, I remember how I was sitting, I remember it. I said, let's do this. Right before I started my audition, do you know they added, not only did I book that show, play Dr. Kayla Thornton, they added it into the show.

• 10:55Lewis Howes?

  They added a character.

• 10:56Speaker 01

  Uh huh. Dr. Kayla Thornton, she says, "Let's do this."

• 11:00Lewis Howes?

  Hmm, that's cool.

• 11:01Speaker 01

  So it was, I, I look back at that and the lesson that that taught me was you shouldn't let people define who you are, even if they might be right in their own opinion, use that as fuel. And I wanted to make sure that I was doing everything that I could possibly do to progress.

• 11:22Lewis Howes?

  Yeah.

• 11:22Speaker 01

  I wasn't prideful in the sense where I was like, "I don't know what the hell she's talking about." I knew that I had never done, you know, like a true drama. So I was like, hmm. She might be right in the sense of I, I maybe need a little work there, but she was not right in defining my future.

• 11:39Lewis Howes?

  Yeah.

• 11:39Speaker 01

  I was not gonna let someone who didn't know me define my future for me.

• 11:44Lewis Howes?

  Amen.

• 11:45Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 11:45Lewis Howes?

  I love, so when did you start, what was the first season, how old were you?

• 11:49Speaker 01

  I was fourteen and it didn't air until we were fifteen, sixteen.

• 11:56Lewis Howes?

  So fourteen to twenty-one, you were working.

• 11:58Speaker 01

  Yes, fourteen to twenty-one.

• 11:59Lewis Howes?

  On the show. So how in those four years afterwards, so you were going to school afterwards, you weren't booking anything, people said, "Uh, stick to this other type of comedy, you can't do this." How did you overcome the self doubt? Or were you not doubting yourself?

• 12:13Speaker 01

  Oh, major. I went into depression.

• 12:17Lewis Howes?

  Really?

• 12:17Speaker 01

  Yes, yes. And I was depressed because for so long, I knew exactly where I was going, what I was doing, and then there was an immediate halt. And I was like, "What now? Like, what am I gonna do?" I had this conversation with myself where I was like, "I achieved so much so young."

• 12:46Speaker 01

  I have so much life to live. I guess this is it.

• 12:50Lewis Howes?

  Wow.

• 12:51Speaker 01

  I guess I just achieved it.

• 12:53Lewis Howes?

  You're at the mountaintop, really. I've always felt like this sense of concern for Olympians in their teens, especially gold medal winners when they're like 16, gymnasts or something. Because you can never recreate the feeling of billions of people watching you winning a gold medal. Like, and then all the press and the success that comes with it. Probably a year or two later, it's like, okay, who am I now? How do I recreate a meaningful life?

• 13:24Speaker 01

  So this is what I've learned.

• 13:25Lewis Howes?

  Yes.

• 13:27Speaker 01

  You have, I mean, success means different things to different people. That was one aspect of my life that was successful. Success, to me, as I got older, was defined differently.

• 13:44Speaker 01

  And success for me now means happiness. No matter what. No matter what's happening in my life, you know, life is a huge, it's a big, I say it's like, big journey.

• 14:00Speaker 01

  You know, and you're gonna have different pockets of these successful moments, if you wanna, you know, define them that way. You doing the things that you love to do, but it doesn't necessarily mean, if I achieved that, that didn't mean that was the end of it. It just meant that there was gonna be something else that came along. But I had to go through all those lessons to achieve my next whatever successful moment. But I didn't want, here's another thing that I just realized as I'm talking to you. You don't want those moments of success in your life

• 14:42Speaker 01

  to define your success as a whole, because it's not gonna happen all the time.

• 14:46Lewis Howes?

  It's not who you are as a whole.

• 14:48Speaker 01

  No, it's not. I did shows later that...

• 14:53Speaker 01

  Only lasted for a season.

• 14:54Lewis Howes?

  Hmm.

• 14:55Speaker 01

  But it was still successful to me because it's called Roommates on ABC Family. Um, it was the first comedy that I did after Sister Sister. And it took years to land another one. But to answer your question before, I was depressed. Um, and you know, I think the hardest part for me was to acknowledge that this person who made a lot of money at a young age, who achieved a lot at a young age, can say they were depressed.

• 15:29Lewis Howes?

  Hmm.

• 15:31Speaker 01

  And in a way, I felt weak. But you're actually, here I am, a psych major.

• 15:37Lewis Howes?

  Mm hmm.

• 15:39Speaker 01

  Um, but in that moment, I realized the strength was actually owning up that I needed help in this area.

• 15:47Lewis Howes?

  Really?

• 15:48Speaker 01

  So I started seeing a psychologist and I worked.

• 15:53Lewis Howes?

  And you were studying psych, you have a psychology degree from Pepperdine, yeah?

• 15:56Speaker 01

  Yeah. But I realized the root of it was I have an issue with change.

• 16:02Lewis Howes?

  Hmm.

• 16:02Speaker 01

  That's very normal.

• 16:03Lewis Howes?

  Right. It's hard to change.

• 16:05Speaker 01

  Because I would let those moments define my happiness. But it's inevitable, things are going to change.

• 16:12Lewis Howes?

  Right.

• 16:12Speaker 01

  So if you base your happiness on change, change is always happening. Well, yes, change, you're gonna be like this, I'm happy I'm not, I'm happy I'm not. That's what was going on, I was on this like crazy emotional roller coaster.

• 16:23Lewis Howes?

  For someone like you, who's, your career is constantly evolving, you know, from acting, to hosting, you know, producing, all these other things you're doing and involved in. And maybe it'll last for five years, maybe it'll last for five months, we don't know. We book it and then they cancel it right off. It's like, I'm sure you've been through all this.

• 16:39Speaker 01

  I've been through all of it.

• 16:40Lewis Howes?

  How do you, how do you keep a grounded inner peace, uh, through all the ups and downs of potential change?

• 16:48Speaker 01

  My faith.

• 16:49Lewis Howes?

  Yeah.

• 16:50Speaker 01

  Knowing that I'm a true believer, um, in God and, uh...

• 16:58Speaker 01

  Believing that things happen for me, not to me. So I always like to find a lesson in everything. You know, and I've learned that even within the struggles, God is there. Whereas before I was struggling, what did I do wrong? Whereas, you know, and with life comes wisdom. I've learned that God is in that struggle because we need to learn something here. What I also learned, if you don't learn.

• 17:32Lewis Howes?

  It's gonna keep repeating. I can say that to myself. Well, I mean, I can say that for like every relationship I've been in, you know, in my past, until I started to learn those lessons the hard way. And they keep coming to me, okay, I gotta, I gotta listen this time, you know. Uh, what would you say is the biggest adversity you've faced professionally then? Since, since day one of Sister Sister to now? Of all those professional experiences, what's been the, the biggest lesson and the hardest thing to overcome?

• 18:00Speaker 01

  Rejection.

• 18:02Lewis Howes?

  How many times have you been rejected?

• 18:05Speaker 01

  I lost count.

• 18:08Lewis Howes?

  Hundreds, thousands?

• 18:09Speaker 01

  What's that, what's that tick tock? More, more, probably more, more. I literally lost count. Think of it. I've been in the business ever since I was 11.

• 18:19Lewis Howes?

  You're what, 25 now, right?

• 18:21Speaker 01

  Yeah, thanks. Forty-three. Uh, but, I mean, more than a hundred at, at least. And our business is based on, that's where we're gonna get deep. Our business is based on rejection, being liked, and people telling you how to do things. Think about it. When you audition, probably one out of 20 auditions, like dating, it's, it's, you're gonna find, you're gonna, you're gonna nail it. You're gonna get it. You're gonna, you're gonna get that part. Once you nail it, the director is telling you what you need to do better.

• 19:01Lewis Howes?

  So you got the gig, but now, change this, change this, change this.

• 19:05Speaker 01

  But more, after that.

• 19:07Lewis Howes?

  What?

• 19:07Speaker 01

  Once you've done your project, you have critics.

• 19:13Lewis Howes?

  Of rejection in the world, yeah, this is bad, you look here, weird, and this is off, and...

• 19:17Speaker 01

  And ratings.

• 19:18Lewis Howes?

  Wow.

• 19:19Speaker 01

  Your, your, your show is either successful, or bombs.

• 19:23Lewis Howes?

  Wow.

• 19:24Speaker 01

  So, I had to learn, and I'm still learning, I am good enough. Because at 11, this is what you're constantly going through. And subconsciously, like, I just realized this, like, a few days ago. Like, I was like, why do I feel this way? Why do I feel this way? And, when you look back, that, that's, this is my job. My job is to audition, I either make it, or I don't, sorry, you didn't get the part. And I've had to change my perception, because in a way, I've been conditioned this way. You've been conditioned, you're on your own, just, just chilling, just vibing,

• 20:08Speaker 01

  trying out for, you're not good enough. Whereas, when you study to be a doctor, or whatever, and yes, you still deal with those challenges, but if you have that paper, that plaque in your license, in your, you, no one can tell you not to, uh, do your practice.

• 20:26Lewis Howes?

  You can practice.

• 20:26Speaker 01

  You can practice.

• 20:27Lewis Howes?

  You can work.

• 20:28Speaker 01

  You can work. Whereas, an actress, you take your acting class, you study that script, like, I don't know what, you give it your all, and then they say...

• 20:38Lewis Howes?

  It's not good enough.

• 20:39Speaker 01

  Or, no thank you.

• 20:40Lewis Howes?

  Oh, bad.

• 20:41Speaker 01

  Next. So, what I'm learning in life, is you do your best, and that's all you can control.

• 20:52Lewis Howes?

  Yeah.

• 20:52Speaker 01

  And there's gonna be people out there that just don't like you.

• 20:57Lewis Howes?

  Mm-hmm.

• 20:57Speaker 01

  And...

• 20:59Speaker 01

  I mean, I can't help that. If you don't like me, you don't like me. If you don't like my craft, okay. So I had to learn this. Did I like my work? Did I like my work?

• 21:10Lewis Howes?

  If you didn't like it, then what?

• 21:12Speaker 01

  It's what I said in the, uh, in the beginning. Let's, let's fix it. Let's go to some acting classes.

• 21:18Lewis Howes?

  And if you did like it?

• 21:20Speaker 01

  Screw you.

• 21:21Lewis Howes?

  Right.

• 21:21Speaker 01

  Yeah, I guess I am not your cup of tea.

• 21:23Lewis Howes?

  Right.

• 21:24Speaker 01

  Or this movie was not your cup of tea. And then you have to ask yourself, were there films that you didn't like?

• 21:32Speaker 01

  Okay, it just wasn't your cup of tea.

• 21:34Lewis Howes?

  Right. And it goes back to, you know, everything is happening for you, not to you.

• 21:38Speaker 01

  Yes.

• 21:39Lewis Howes?

  So maybe it wouldn't have been a good six to 12 months journey with the team or the producer or the director anyways. You know, even if you wanted it, your faith, going back to the faith, maybe it's protecting you from something or setting you up for something greater next year.

• 21:54Speaker 01

  Yes, and what my sister said recently that became viral is that we auditioned for Fresh Prince of Bel-Air. We did.

• 22:01Lewis Howes?

  You did?

• 22:02Speaker 01

  Yeah. Yep.

• 22:03Lewis Howes?

  And?

• 22:04Speaker 01

  We did not obviously get it.

• 22:05Lewis Howes?

  Right, but?

• 22:06Speaker 01

  But we got Sister Sister.

• 22:08Lewis Howes?

  That's huge.

• 22:08Speaker 01

  So, boom. You see what I'm saying?

• 22:12Lewis Howes?

  So what were your roles have been for Fresh Prince?

• 22:14Speaker 01

  Tatiana Lee's, uh, character. Lauren, I can't remember her, uh, forgot the character's name, but yeah. Uh, we would have been the, the girl in Fresh Prince of Bel-Air.

• 22:23Lewis Howes?

  You would have been splitting the role?

• 22:24Speaker 01

  Um, one of us would have gotten it.

• 22:26Lewis Howes?

  Only one of you?

• 22:27Speaker 01

  Yeah, and we've, we've gone through that too. And here's another thing we can talk about. We, my sister and I are twins. We look alike, we talk alike, we used to dress alike. And we used to go out for the same roles.

• 22:40Lewis Howes?

  Really?

• 22:41Speaker 01

  Mm-hmm.

• 22:42Lewis Howes?

  Who would book the role more?

• 22:43Speaker 01

  It would depend. Tia was the Barbie girl after Sister Sister. I immediately, uh, well, it was four years. I, I got, not immediately, but I got the, the show Strong Medicine, but then it was her turn. She got the game. So we had to learn, when you're going out for the same role and one gets it, because I auditioned for the game. And then once I saw the show, I was like, that role is Tia all day, every day. That was great. It helped, um... Elevate uh her career.

• 23:15Lewis Howes?

  Yeah.

• 23:15Speaker 01

  And in doing so, we would help each other. So she's elevated, then like, oh, I wonder what Tamara's doing. If Tia could do that, let's see what Tamara. And this, and this is what we've done. And now we are our own person. We have our own brands and, you know, we went through this phase where we were like, you need to be like me.

• 23:34Lewis Howes?

  Hmm.

• 23:35Speaker 01

  No, you need to be like me. And it was when we looked at each other and we were like, no, God made us differently for a reason. We are, you're my yin to my yang. So I was very, in meetings, the personable, um, you know, twin.

• 23:52Lewis Howes?

  The extrovert. Yeah, yeah.

• 23:54Speaker 01

  And she was the business.

• 23:56Lewis Howes?

  Hmm.

• 23:57Speaker 01

  One. So she would see and hear everything that people were saying, pick up on things, uh, she would stand up for what wasn't right. And so we made this amazing team.

• 24:09Lewis Howes?

  Hmm.

• 24:09Speaker 01

  Now we have our own families. She's doing her own thing. I'm doing my own thing. And we've learned to celebrate our differences. And it's okay to be different.

• 24:21Lewis Howes?

  Right. There wasn't many twins in TV back then, or even now. That were, I guess the Olsen Twins around the same time. But they were sharing a role, right? They didn't do the role each at the same time. Did you guys ever have a situation where you were sharing a role? Really?

• 24:37Speaker 01

  So we played a girl called Denise on Full House. My brother was Teddy, Michelle's best friend. And that is when I met Candace Cameron, which we're now both on Hallmark and we both have wineries and we're friends now.

• 24:52Lewis Howes?

  Candace settled.

• 24:53Speaker 01

  Candace Cameron played DJ.

• 24:55Lewis Howes?

  Yes. What was her, uh, her maiden name?

• 24:58Speaker 01

  Uh, Beret. I mean, so yeah, it's Candace Cameron and her name now is Candace Cameron Beret.

• 25:03Lewis Howes?

  Yeah, yeah. I actually met her, I sat next to her at a, do you know Val?

• 25:07Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 25:08Lewis Howes?

  Dancing with the Stars, yeah.

• 25:09Speaker 01

  Oh, yeah.

• 25:10Lewis Howes?

  They, uh, she was, she was, I sat next to her at his wedding.

• 25:13Speaker 01

  Yeah, because she was on Dancing with the Stars.

• 25:15Lewis Howes?

  Yeah. So I met her briefly there, but yeah, she's sweet, sweet lady.

• 25:18Speaker 01

  Very sweet. And, uh.

• 25:20Lewis Howes?

  So you guys were on that show together with the Olsen Twins?

• 25:23Speaker 01

  Yep.

• 25:24Lewis Howes?

  Wow, I didn't.

• 25:25Speaker 01

  And my sister and I babysat the Olsen Twins one time. Swear to God. Swear to God.

• 25:29Lewis Howes?

  So, but you were playing, but you were playing one person?

• 25:31Speaker 01

  Uh huh.

• 25:33Lewis Howes?

  That's crazy.

• 25:33Speaker 01

  Yeah, so we played a girl, a girl named Denise. And it was really interesting because I never thought my sister and I looked alike. Shocking. So I would be like, how are we pulling this off?

• 25:47Speaker 01

  But yeah, that was the only time we did though. We did it once.

• 25:49Lewis Howes?

  Oh, just one episode?

• 25:50Speaker 01

  Oh, wait, no. What am I talking about? Tia actually played me in Twitches. I was doing Strong Medicine and I couldn't make it.

• 25:56Lewis Howes?

  She did not play you.

• 25:57Speaker 01

  Yeah, in one scene. It's a party scene.

• 26:01Lewis Howes?

  That's amazing.

• 26:01Speaker 01

  Yeah, but our fans knew it. They were like, and she had a mask on. Because it was Halloween. They knew it. They were like, that's not Tamara, that's Tia. We didn't say anything for years until like, I want to say like three years. Yeah, and I was 26 when I shot that.

• 26:14Lewis Howes?

  Oh, my gosh.

• 26:15Speaker 01

  So years we didn't say anything. But yeah, she played me.

• 26:18Lewis Howes?

  Wow.

• 26:19Speaker 01

  She's, she hated it. She was like, I hated it. I hated playing you.

• 26:25Lewis Howes?

  She got paid though.

• 26:26Speaker 01

  She did.

• 26:28Speaker 01

  I thought she did a great job.

• 26:29Lewis Howes?

  Yeah. So did you guys ever feel like you had a rivalry then? Or you always been supportive?

• 26:34Speaker 01

  I feel like there was never rivalry. There was disappointment when we did our reality show. And it's the reason why we left it. Because never before in our life did it become Team Tia, Team Tamara.

• 26:50Lewis Howes?

  Uh, then it was like a competition.

• 26:51Speaker 01

  Yeah. And I feel like the producers knew exactly what they were doing in a reality show. So it was like, I, I, I remember her just being so upset with how they portrayed her. And how I was being portrayed, you know, like I'm the crier, I'm this, I'm that. But yes, I do cry. I'm emotional and it's because I've learned. I'm an empath. And I finally have learned that as well. So the reason why I'm very emotional is because I feel, you know, you have your senses.

• 27:32Speaker 01

  I, my sense to feel other people's energy and their vibe is heightened. So if you're not feeling well, or we're talking about a serious topic, I feel that to the unteenth degree. Or if we're talking about something sad, I feel that and it, and it could be, it could be draining. So that explains my emotional.

• 27:52Lewis Howes?

  Sure.

• 27:53Speaker 01

  Side. But now I know where it comes from and I'm okay. I'm okay with it. It doesn't mean I'm weak. I'm sure it's hell not week. Um, it doesn't mean I'm sappy. No, it's actually a superpower. Because

• 28:08Lewis Howes?

  You're connected.

• 28:08Speaker 01

  Connected.

• 28:09Lewis Howes?

  Yeah.

• 28:09Speaker 01

  And I'm able to, you know, put myself in someone else's shoes.

• 28:14Lewis Howes?

  Sure, yeah. What do you feel like has been the biggest insecurity you've overcome then, since you started in your career?

• 28:21Speaker 01

  I'm overcoming it. I haven't overcome, I haven't overcame it yet. It's the I am good enough.

• 28:26Lewis Howes?

  Still, forty three, at forty three, massive success in your career. You got the marriage, you got kids, you got the family, you got businesses, still overcoming that feeling. Really?

• 28:41Speaker 01

  I'll tell you why.

• 28:42Lewis Howes?

  Tell me.

• 28:42Speaker 01

  I started when I was eleven.

• 28:45Speaker 01

  And I've been conditioned that way for over, think of that, being conditioned for over,

• 28:53Lewis Howes?

  Thirty years.

• 28:53Speaker 01

  I want to say thirty years.

• 28:56Speaker 01

  And subconsciously not knowing what's going on, even though I'm a psych major.

• 29:00Lewis Howes?

  Yeah.

• 29:00Speaker 01

  And it's because I had other things going on. But I'm, once I turned forty, I was like, it's now, I've been taking care of so many people, it's now time for me to take care of myself. And that's how I learned that I'm an empath, and that's how I learned there were so many elements of myself that I needed to work on, and I've worked through those, and now is, I'm dealing with the deep rooted one.

• 29:28Lewis Howes?

  Really?

• 29:29Speaker 01

  And I've been uproot, think of a tree that's been planted, right? And sometimes I don't want to think of it because you don't want to tear down trees, but think of that tree that's just been rooted, right?

• 29:40Lewis Howes?

  An emotional tree.

• 29:42Speaker 01

  An emotional tree, yes. And you just want to dig, it needs to get, it needs to like, get out, but if it's deeply rooted, it's hard.

• 29:52Lewis Howes?

  Clinching on in there, yeah.

• 29:54Speaker 01

  It's hard to remove. So that is what I am dealing with. And we were talking about social media. Social media didn't help that. Especially doing a talk show.

• 30:03Lewis Howes?

  Hmm. Cause you're getting constantly negative feedback and critics and

• 30:07Speaker 01

  I will tell

• 30:08Lewis Howes?

  The way you looked, what you said, your opinions, your values.

• 30:11Speaker 01

  Oh my gosh.

• 30:12Lewis Howes?

  Critiqued.

• 30:13Speaker 01

  Critiqued and they knew where to find you. And then let's, let's, let's take it up a notch. Clickbait.

• 30:20Lewis Howes?

  Yes.

• 30:21Speaker 01

  So they will take what you say.

• 30:22Lewis Howes?

  Something out of context and

• 30:24Speaker 01

  Put it out of context to fit their narrative of who they think you are. And that is what happened for years on that show. And I will tell you this, being on a talk show and you can take it or leave it. It is not a safe place. It's not.

• 30:43Lewis Howes?

  Being on a talk show.

• 30:44Speaker 01

  Being on a talk show. It's not a safe place and I wish someone would have told me that.

• 30:49Lewis Howes?

  Hmm.

• 30:50Speaker 01

  Because then I would have been prepared.

• 30:52Lewis Howes?

  Mm hmm.

• 30:53Speaker 01

  I was not. I wasn't. I learned. So think of going to battle.

• 30:58Lewis Howes?

  Yes.

• 30:58Speaker 01

  But you don't know you're going to battle, right?

• 31:00Lewis Howes?

  You think you're going to some fun experience. Hey, we're gonna play.

• 31:02Speaker 01

  People come and they start fighting, then you gotta grab, you gotta grab the trash can. Shield. You know, you've got to do all these things and that is what I've learned by doing that talk show. That at the end, I was fully armed. So, and you can literally watch the beginning of the season to the end of the season. You see this strong warrior. And it is, life happens for you, not to you. So I wasn't supposed to know it was a safe, it wasn't a safe place.

• 31:29Lewis Howes?

  Really?

• 31:31Speaker 01

  Because I wouldn't be who I am now. Cause I probably would have had my guard, I would have, you know, I've learned so much about myself doing that show.

• 31:39Lewis Howes?

  How many years was that for?

• 31:40Speaker 01

  It was a total of seven seasons, if you want to count our kind of pilot. Cause they aired our, our pilot.

• 31:46Lewis Howes?

  So what did you learn from being on a talk show for that long then about yourself?

• 31:50Speaker 01

  Again, I am working on that I am good enough because Jesus, people can say some really horrible, untruthful things. Um, I learned that it is okay not to be perfect.

• 32:05Lewis Howes?

  Yeah.

• 32:06Speaker 01

  It is okay to be vulnerable.

• 32:08Lewis Howes?

  Mm hmm.

• 32:09Speaker 01

  Um, and it is okay to speak your truth.

• 32:12Lewis Howes?

  Yeah.

• 32:13Speaker 01

  Uh, just because they, there are people out there who may not agree with your truth. It doesn't mean there aren't. Many people who don't.

• 32:25Lewis Howes?

  Right. And how did you not learn to, I guess?

• 32:28Speaker 01

  Or maybe who do.

• 32:29Lewis Howes?

  Right, right. And how did you learn not to hold back? Once you, after the first season of being like, man, this is a war.

• 32:35Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 32:36Lewis Howes?

  Between maybe on the show and comments off the show. How did you learn to continue to speak your truth in your voice? Knowing there's gonna be tons of things out there. Or did you feel like you had to guard yourself and not say things sometimes? Just to be like, okay.

• 32:52Speaker 01

  Nope, because what I found out is I'd rather have people dislike me for who I truly am than who I'm pretending to be.

• 33:05Lewis Howes?

  All right, I like it.

• 33:07Speaker 01

  That's the reality of it.

• 33:08Lewis Howes?

  But how do you learn to not let it affect you emotionally? When you care deeply about people in general?

• 33:15Speaker 01

  I learned.

• 33:16Lewis Howes?

  When you're an empath and you're like taking all this stuff in.

• 33:19Speaker 01

  Boundaries.

• 33:20Lewis Howes?

  Yeah.

• 33:21Speaker 01

  One.

• 33:23Speaker 01

  Two, they are entitled to their opinion.

• 33:29Speaker 01

  Here's the big one. An opinion doesn't necessarily mean a fact. So you can have a hundred opinions about me, but is it a fact? No. So I had to learn. You know, the, is it the, there are the four agreements in life? I forgot how many there are.

• 33:51Lewis Howes?

  Yeah, four agreements.

• 33:52Speaker 01

  Four agreements.

• 33:53Lewis Howes?

  Don't take anything personally.

• 33:55Speaker 01

  And I didn't want to personally make an agreement with what that person was saying, if it was an opinion. So I had to learn for myself, okay, why is this affecting you so much? One, oh damn, I'm agreeing with what they have to say. Cause it's actually an insecurity of mine.

• 34:14Lewis Howes?

  So it's when you agree to it, that's when it affects you?

• 34:17Speaker 01

  Yes.

• 34:18Lewis Howes?

  So how'd you learn not to agree with it? Even if it was an insecurity, it appears?

• 34:22Speaker 01

  I, how did I learn? Well, don't take anything personal if they don't know me personally.

• 34:28Lewis Howes?

  Right.

• 34:29Speaker 01

  That's what I had to learn. And then, I had to do some, a lot of inner work. I had to first recognize, oh, this is an insecurity of mine. Oh, God. Why is it an insecurity? So there was a lot of self-reflection. That's why that show, even though it was not a safe place, it has made me who I am today. And it was part of the cards to be a part of my life. So, but I, I had to ask myself, one, why, why does this affect you so much, Tamara? Ooh, you made an agreement with that. Why? Oh, this is an insecurity. Well, we gotta fix that. Why is this an insecurity? Why do you feel this? Then I had to literally be like, okay. Is this a fact?

• 35:14Speaker 01

  Is this a fact about who I am? Even, and this is what I learned from Jay, Jay Shetty.

• 35:21Speaker 01

  Your thoughts, most of the time, like your irrational thoughts, do not represent reality. So it is important for us to recognize the difference. Is this reality? And then if it is a reality, what are you gonna do about it? So my thing is, is yes, let's, let's, let's, let's always find the solution here. So if I'm insecure about this, say I was insecure about my weight. Okay, I just had a baby. People, I was, you know, people were calling me, not people, very few. Oh, she's lazy, she hasn't snapped back, she hasn't...

• 36:02Speaker 01

  I was insecure about it because I couldn't do anything about it because I had a back problem. Because I had dyastacy's recti. So you see how I worked myself out of that? I did a, I self-reflected. Okay, I made an agreement with that statement because I am insecure. But Tamara, why are you insecure about it? Is that a fact? Okay, yeah, I haven't lost as much weight, but the fact is, is because Tamara, you're in serious pain. You can't work out like the...

• 36:34Lewis Howes?

  Yeah, you're healing.

• 36:35Speaker 01

  I'm healing. So focus on that.

• 36:39Speaker 01

  And whoever says that, I'm not gonna make an agreement with that.

• 36:42Lewis Howes?

  Right.

• 36:43Speaker 01

  But poof, be gone. And what I've also learned though, the same people that hate you on Monday and Tuesday will love you Thursday and Friday.

• 36:52Lewis Howes?

  It's crazy, right?

• 36:53Speaker 01

  Isn't that interesting?

• 36:54Lewis Howes?

  So how do you deal with that?

• 36:56Speaker 01

  You just know, people are fickle.

• 36:57Lewis Howes?

  Right.

• 36:58Speaker 01

  And you don't define who I am. God defines who I am.

• 37:03Lewis Howes?

  Yeah.

• 37:04Speaker 01

  God defines who I am. Who am I in God's eyes? And then if I have an issue with that, what are you gonna do about it? Alright, well, let's fix ourselves. You know, like, if I have issues, if I have, what can I do? Let me go see a psychiatrist, let me see a psychologist. Let me see a counselor, let me try to, you know, I'm always thinking about, um, the solution. That's another thing too. When you talk on a talk show, it's talk, talk, talk, talk, talk, talk, talk, talk, talk. What are we gonna do about it? What are we gonna do about it?

• 37:33Lewis Howes?

  Actions, yeah.

• 37:34Speaker 01

  Action. So I literally would be like, okay, but what are we gonna do? You know, that's where, and sometimes you don't wanna hear the solution. They just wanna hear the complaint. That's more entertaining. That's more, more fun. And not for all talk shows, but you know, it's like, people, human nature.

• 37:53Lewis Howes?

  Yeah. Did you see, um, I guess in the last, what are they, thirty-two years, thirty-three years you've been in this industry, right? Through eleven?

• 38:03Speaker 01

  I never did the math.

• 38:04Lewis Howes?

  You've been, you've been around a lot of, uh, a lot of successful people. People who have, who've come and sustained and grown and people who are big that have gone away in a sense in the, in the industry. You've been around a lot of famous, successful, thriving people. What do you see as a common insecurity that everyone's had in the last thirty-three years? Whether they're teen star, adult star, come and go, is it, I'm not good enough? Or is there another insecurity or fear you've seen overall in the industry?

• 38:35Speaker 01

  I would say, and I can't speak for everyone.

• 38:37Lewis Howes?

  Sure, your experience, your observation.

• 38:41Speaker 01

  My observation, especially women, and even men, what am I talking about? Because I dated actors in my day.

• 38:48Speaker 01

  And I would say image.

• 38:50Lewis Howes?

  Really?

• 38:51Speaker 01

  Image.

• 38:52Lewis Howes?

  You mean like how they're perceived? Or they're afraid of how they look?

• 38:55Speaker 01

  How they look.

• 38:57Lewis Howes?

  To themselves, or how other people are talking about them?

• 38:59Speaker 01

  How other perceive them. Like you always, yes. You always have to look a certain way. If you see, you see a person come out and be like, "I'm happy and proud of my curves. This is great." And the moment they get a hit film, where did all those curves go? Where did all that go? Or women getting older in the industry. You know, so I would say, it doesn't matter how big you are. So like the A-lister to the D-list. It's always that image.

• 39:32Lewis Howes?

  Really?

• 39:33Speaker 01

  Mm-hmm. It's because we're constantly being seen. And you have to make sure you look presentable. You, you look good, or, yeah.

• 39:45Lewis Howes?

  If you're not looking good, you may not work.

• 39:47Speaker 01

  Yeah, unfortunately.

• 39:49Lewis Howes?

  So how do you, I guess in a sense, if it helps you stay healthy and accountable to being healthy consistently, that's good. But if it's like obsessive over like, "I need to do this to like get the gig," or you know.

• 40:02Speaker 01

  You literally have explained how I have changed my perception on how I handle that aspect of business. I say, "Well, the positive side is, is that it is going to keep me healthy." As long as I stay healthy, and I live in Napa, by the way. Amazing food, amazing wine, I'm a foodie, I can just...

• 40:30Lewis Howes?

  Eat and enjoy.

• 40:30Speaker 01

  Eat my heart out, because food is a pleasure to me.

• 40:33Lewis Howes?

  Yeah, me too.

• 40:34Speaker 01

  But what I've learned is, is as long as I'm staying healthy, that's what matters. I don't want to get to the point where I'm emaciated, I'm not healthy. But there are, there are women in this business. You can... Eat.

• 40:48Lewis Howes?

  No.

• 40:49Speaker 01

  They don't eat. They don't. You can see it. When you go out to dinner, when you go out, it's just, they don't, they don't eat. And I was like, well, hell.

• 40:58Lewis Howes?

  Give me your food.

• 41:00Speaker 01

  I'm gonna have the bread, please. Thank you. I'll just have one serving a day, but I'm gonna have it. Yeah. It's true.

• 41:07Lewis Howes?

  And what is, speaking of image and social media, you know, you were, uh, had big shows pre-social media.

• 41:14Speaker 01

  Yes.

• 41:14Lewis Howes?

  Then you've grown into, you know, your own big following on social media. How have you learned to not let your image define you on social media? And use it for a good? In terms of connection and creation and promotion and not like, you know, am I always in the perfect filter, the angles like, uh?

• 41:33Speaker 01

  So.

• 41:36Speaker 01

  Subconsciously.

• 41:37Lewis Howes?

  Uh huh.

• 41:38Speaker 01

  And I, as you can tell, I keep it real.

• 41:40Lewis Howes?

  Yeah.

• 41:41Speaker 01

  With the change of the algorithm that has happened recently, like, what the hell?

• 41:47Lewis Howes?

  Yeah.

• 41:47Speaker 01

  Has happened here? I didn't realize that my self-value was in those likes.

• 41:55Lewis Howes?

  Wow.

• 41:56Speaker 01

  Cause at one point, and I'm human, that's what I'm, because for so long, I was like, killing it, killing it, killing it, killing it. Woo-hoo. And then now all of a sudden, I'm like, what the hell happened here? And I knew.

• 42:09Lewis Howes?

  Did you go back to, I'm not good enough? If the.

• 42:12Speaker 01

  I had a moment, yeah.

• 42:13Lewis Howes?

  With the engagement, if you're like, okay, I'm getting a million likes on a photo or a video, and now I'm only getting half a million. It's still a half a million people, but psychologically, what was happening?

• 42:21Speaker 01

  Yeah. So like I said, subconsciously, I was getting my value there. And I had to have that moment again, being like, hey, look. I'm not doing this. And you have to mean it. You can't just say it.

• 42:37Lewis Howes?

  You do.

• 42:38Speaker 01

  You have to mean it.

• 42:39Lewis Howes?

  Mm-hmm.

• 42:39Speaker 01

  Sorry.

• 42:42Speaker 01

  But you know, what is your purpose?

• 42:46Lewis Howes?

  Yeah.

• 42:47Speaker 01

  For this Instagram, you know, whatever. What is your purpose for this platform? Okay, you answer that. Are you proud of the work that you have put out there? Yes? Does the likes and the views, does it define you? Does it define you? Your character, who you are as a person? No. What I had to shake was, does it define?

• 43:18Speaker 01

  Your content? Like, you know, are people liking this? Are you wasting your time putting stuff out if people aren't seeing it? But I had to realize that that's what it is. That it's not your, it's not what you're, you're, you're, you're putting out. It's just the way things are seen now is completely different. And are you willing to conform to what is hot? What is, what is trending right now? What is, and if you are, and it's who you are. Get it, girl?

• 43:50Lewis Howes?

  And you like it, yeah, something you enjoy.

• 43:51Speaker 01

  Get it?

• 43:52Lewis Howes?

  Yeah.

• 43:52Speaker 01

  But if it's not who you are, are you going to conform to become that just to be seen? That is the question you have to ask yourself.

• 44:04Lewis Howes?

  Yeah, that's interesting. And so is that something you dance with sometimes?

• 44:08Speaker 01

  Yes, and that is kind of like, because you have to play the game.

• 44:11Lewis Howes?

  Of course.

• 44:11Speaker 01

  It is a game, but I am only willing to play the game authentically.

• 44:16Lewis Howes?

  Yeah, that's good.

• 44:17Speaker 01

  And that is how I am dealing with, to answer your question. I can be very loquacious, sorry.

• 44:22Lewis Howes?

  Yeah, it's all good.

• 44:23Speaker 01

  Takes me a while to get to the point, but um, that is how I am dealing with that. So sometimes, yes. You know, like in business, you've got to mingle. Maybe you don't like to mingle. Maybe you just want to be quiet. But you have to mingle, you have to meet people. So.

• 44:41Speaker 01

  Instagram, social media, things are trending, whatever. So you have to play the game somehow. But make sure you're doing it for all the right reasons. Because what's gonna happen is, you're gonna continue to chase.

• 44:53Lewis Howes?

  Right.

• 44:54Speaker 01

  The algorithm is gonna continue to change.

• 44:56Lewis Howes?

  Then you're gonna change constantly.

• 44:57Speaker 01

  Then you're gonna change constantly. Then you're gonna do this. Who am I? What am I? What am I doing? Oh my God, they don't like myself. Oh my God. I can't, no. Life is, life is too short to live that way. So I like to step back, look at what's happening and say, okay, how can I authentically do this? And if it presents itself, it presents itself. If it doesn't, I'll catch the next wave.

• 45:21Lewis Howes?

  There you go, yeah.

• 45:22Speaker 01

  Until it does.

• 45:23Lewis Howes?

  You don't have to be hot every moment, you know, on social media, yeah. That's great.

• 45:29Speaker 01

  So as long as I'm doing what I, I'm, as long as I'm being authentically me along the way, that is what matters. Because I can tell you, I've never bought a follower. I have never boosted a personal post. If I have done an ad, you know, they like to do that, totally fine. But for my personal self, I have never done that in my entire life. I couldn't sleep at night. Then you have to ask yourself, why are you doing it? You're only doing it to feed your own ego.

• 46:02Lewis Howes?

  Right.

• 46:02Speaker 01

  And you're doing it to validate yourself.

• 46:08Speaker 01

  That's dangerous.

• 46:09Lewis Howes?

  Right.

• 46:10Speaker 01

  That's dangerous. You don't wanna fall into that.

• 46:12Lewis Howes?

  Yeah.

• 46:13Speaker 01

  You don't. It's easy. Like I said, it caught me. I was like, oh my God, where did all my likes go? Or that one day when Instagram like broke, broke down and I was like, what the hell? I only got zero likes. This is it. And then you're like, whoa, why do I, what, oh, wait.

• 46:29Lewis Howes?

  Yeah.

• 46:30Speaker 01

  So, yeah. It's, I'm dancing with it.

• 46:32Lewis Howes?

  Dancing with it, I like it. If you could, if you could go back to 10, right before you're gonna get into this journey, you know, of, of a big massive show and then, you know, the, the career you've had with all the ups and downs. If you could tell the 10-year-old version of you, three things to look out for and to be aware of. For the next thirty-three years of your career and life with dating and and the business and family and fame and what would you say to that ten-year-old version of you?

• 47:05Speaker 01

  I would say make sure you're doing this for all the right reasons. Because you have to understand in this business, no matter how many times they say they love you, they like you, it is business.

• 47:22Lewis Howes?

  And they will cut you out in a moment.

• 47:25Speaker 01

  The gifts stop, the phone calls stop.

• 47:28Lewis Howes?

  Really?

• 47:29Speaker 01

  Yeah. Boom, just like that. Um, so make sure that you stay present and realize you are doing this because you love it. It is your craft and um enjoy it.

• 47:46Lewis Howes?

  Yeah.

• 47:47Speaker 01

  Don't let the rejection, the ratings or the reviews get to you.

• 47:59Speaker 01

  Keep your eyes on the passion.

• 48:02Lewis Howes?

  Mm-hmm.

• 48:03Speaker 01

  And I just made that up right now. Keep your eyes on the passion. Realize why, realize the why. Why you're doing this.

• 48:13Lewis Howes?

  Why are you doing this right now?

• 48:15Speaker 01

  I I love to act in the sense of I love telling a story.

• 48:25Lewis Howes?

  Yeah.

• 48:27Speaker 01

  And if you notice, all the things that I do, I want the story to impact a person in a positive way. I realize what theater, the theatrics, whatever, I realize what it can do to the human soul.

• 48:46Lewis Howes?

  Mm-hmm.

• 48:48Speaker 01

  You can be having the worst day. You turn on a film and it can make you laugh. It can make you feel, you know, cry. Um, it can make you learn. It can make you feel like you're not alone. If you're going through a divorce, you're going through whatever and you see a film of a woman going through the same thing that you're going through and you see that she persevered and you see a little bit of yourself in her, it can change your life.

• 49:15Lewis Howes?

  Yeah.

• 49:16Speaker 01

  That is why I do it. And in doing so, I want to make sure that I'm doing the best that I can. And that's why I'm always learning.

• 49:24Lewis Howes?

  Right.

• 49:25Speaker 01

  Second thing I would warn myself is to

• 49:33Speaker 01

  oh god realize that hmm damn, I had to learn this the hard way.

• 49:43Speaker 01

  And I hate saying the word enemy.

• 49:47Speaker 01

  Sometimes the people that are closest to you are not for you.

• 49:52Lewis Howes?

  Really?

• 49:52Speaker 01

  I've had people try to use me to get in my films. It's called the opportunist.

• 50:00Lewis Howes?

  Hmm.

• 50:00Speaker 01

  I've had, and I thought we were friends, like friends. Be prepared, not everybody around you is on your team.

• 50:09Lewis Howes?

  Right.

• 50:10Speaker 01

  Three is the one that I'm working on now. Don't let the rejection of this business tell you you're not good enough.

• 50:21Speaker 01

  And I feel like this is something that everyone can relate to because it doesn't matter where you are in life. Um, people need to know that they are good enough. They are good enough. As long as you are trying to be your best. And that's what I'm trying to do each and every day. Um, I'm not perfect. I will never be perfect, nor do I want to be. Oh. Um, boring. Um, but yeah. No, you are good enough.

• 50:56Lewis Howes?

  Yeah.

• 50:57Speaker 01

  And I know I always say, don't let this stuff define who you are.

• 51:02Speaker 01

  But it's a constant battle.

• 51:03Lewis Howes?

  Yeah. I've got a few final questions for you.

• 51:06Speaker 01

  Okay.

• 51:06Lewis Howes?

  Respect your time. I guess you've been married for 10 years, you were saying, 17 years together.

• 51:10Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 51:11Lewis Howes?

  What is that like being, you know, in a long-term committed relationship while being in the business? Where it seems like people don't last that long in this industry. How are you, how have you been? I guess what's the biggest lesson you've learned about intimacy and long-term committed relationship? Marriage and being a mom. While pursuing your dreams.

• 51:35Speaker 01

  I'm exhausted.

• 51:38Lewis Howes?

  And how do you make it all work? And you know, how do you navigate the intimate relationship side of things?

• 51:46Lewis Howes?

  While pursuing dreams and being a mom?

• 51:48Speaker 01

  I realize that when I say yes to something, I'm saying no to something. So saying yes to a job is saying no to being there every that those days for my children. And what am I gonna do with that? And that's been challenging. I'm gonna say it is challenging. I'm not gonna say it's hard. I mean, I'm not gonna say. Hard is like.

• 52:17Speaker 01

  Challenging means there's always a challenge that we need to work at. Now more than ever, my husband and I were connected.

• 52:28Speaker 01

  I love him more than I ever have because it's deeper.

• 52:34Lewis Howes?

  That's beautiful.

• 52:35Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 52:35Lewis Howes?

  But you're honest with each other, which is the key.

• 52:37Speaker 01

  That was the key. And you have to, but this is the thing. It's like some people are like, I don't know if I can be honest with the person. Then why are you guys together? Like you need, that is what makes a relationship a long. And then we had to be honest. Are you okay with me being away all this time? Yes, I support you, but it would be nice if you can maybe do three or four projects a year or whatever.

• 52:59Lewis Howes?

  Not 10, yeah.

• 53:00Speaker 01

  Do you see what I'm saying? So we had those honest conversations.

• 53:07Lewis Howes?

  That's beautiful, yeah. Honesty is the key. That's what'll help you get through it, that's cool.

• 53:10Speaker 01

  And with yourself, too. You need to be honest with yourself.

• 53:12Lewis Howes?

  What do I need?

• 53:13Speaker 01

  What do I need?

• 53:13Lewis Howes?

  Yeah. Okay, I've got a three or four minutes with you left.

• 53:18Speaker 01

  Okay.

• 53:18Lewis Howes?

  So I'm gonna bring it to, I would wish I could go more because this has been powerful. So I appreciate you opening up like this. Before we get to the final couple of questions, you got a show out right now called Table Wars.

• 53:29Speaker 01

  Yes, Table Wars.

• 53:30Lewis Howes?

  Tell me what it is and how we can watch it.

• 53:33Speaker 01

  You can watch it on HGTV starting November 14th. I host a show with the amazing Martha Stewart.

• 53:39Lewis Howes?

  What's she like?

• 53:40Speaker 01

  She's.

• 53:42Speaker 01

  A force. Let me just tell you.

• 53:43Lewis Howes?

  That's great.

• 53:44Speaker 01

  She is elegance, like chic, like in the dictionary. Chic Martha Stewart.

• 53:49Lewis Howes?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 53:49Speaker 01

  Um, but to make a long story short, it is a show about tablescaping. Tablescaping is when you basically set up your table for an event. So whether it is a Thanksgiving meal, a Christmas dinner, a wedding, a bridal shower, a birthday party, you always have that table, you know, looking gorgeous and beautiful. And we have people from all over the country come in and compete, and they win $50,000. That's a lot of money.

• 54:17Lewis Howes?

  So you have different challenges. They have tables, they have like a seven minute, even an hour to go create this thing.

• 54:21Speaker 01

  It's amazing what they do.

• 54:23Lewis Howes?

  They're like throwing stuff together and they're like.

• 54:24Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 54:25Lewis Howes?

  It's kind of like Cake Wars for table.

• 54:27Speaker 01

  100%, yes.

• 54:30Lewis Howes?

  I like it. It comes out November 14th. Uh, how long does a season go for?

• 54:35Speaker 01

  Uh, we did six episodes.

• 54:37Lewis Howes?

  Six episodes, great. HGTV.

• 54:39Speaker 01

  HGTV, November 14th, yes, and I love it.

• 54:41Lewis Howes?

  You and Martha are like the hosts, the judges, like everything.

• 54:44Speaker 01

  And Chris Hesney, who is her like protege.

• 54:47Lewis Howes?

  Okay.

• 54:47Speaker 01

  Uh huh.

• 54:48Lewis Howes?

  Amazing.

• 54:48Speaker 01

  He's awesome.

• 54:48Lewis Howes?

  Okay, I'm excited to check this out.

• 54:50Speaker 01

  Oh, thanks. It's visually stunning.

• 54:52Lewis Howes?

  I'm excited. Uh, people gotta follow you on social media as well. You got great content over there, so we'll have that all linked up. And I recommend leaving in the comments on YouTube, the part of this interview that you enjoyed the most for people watching and listening. And also to message her on Instagram or send her, you know, take a screenshot, post it on Instagram, let her know you're listening for sure.

• 55:14Speaker 01

  That's awesome.

• 55:14Lewis Howes?

  Um, this is a question I ask everyone at the end called the three truths. So I'd like you to imagine a hypothetical scenario that many years away from now, it's your last day on earth.

• 55:24Speaker 01

  Wow.

• 55:24Lewis Howes?

  And you get to accomplish everything you've ever dreamed of. Everything you want to have happen, it happens. You get to create, you get to make, all the good stuff, it all happens. But for whatever reason, you gotta take all of your content with you when you, when you go to the next place. It's your last day. Every show, this interview, books, content, movies, it all goes away. So no one has access to your content anymore.

• 55:46Speaker 01

  Okay.

• 55:47Lewis Howes?

  But you get to leave behind three things you know to be true from all your lessons in life. And this is all we would have to remember.

• 55:53Speaker 01

  Okay, okay.

• 55:54Lewis Howes?

  What would be those three lessons or three truths you would share with the world?

• 55:59Speaker 01

  Strive to leave this world better than you found it.

• 56:02Lewis Howes?

  Mm-hmm.

• 56:04Speaker 01

  Live your authentic life. Don't strive to be like anyone else. And, um, oh God, the third one.

• 56:17Speaker 01

  Living authentically yourself is, I read this book, The Alchemist.

• 56:24Lewis Howes?

  Yes.

• 56:24Speaker 01

  And what I learned is, is ultimately, you make your decisions. You make it. You can be inspired, encouraged by other people, but ultimately, that is your choice.

• 56:39Lewis Howes?

  Yeah.

• 56:40Speaker 01

  Those are the three.

• 56:41Lewis Howes?

  That's beautiful. One final question, Tamara.

• 56:45Speaker 01

  Yes.

• 56:45Lewis Howes?

  Before I ask it, I want to acknowledge you for being an incredible gift in the world.

• 56:49Speaker 01

  Oh my God, don't make me cry.

• 56:50Lewis Howes?

  The way you've shown up consistently as, you know, someone in the industry to set an example, as a really courageous, authentic woman.

• 57:00Speaker 01

  Thank you.

• 57:01Lewis Howes?

  For thirty plus years of the ups and downs, it's been beautiful.

• 57:04Speaker 01

  Thank you.

• 57:04Lewis Howes?

  The way you show up for your sister and not being in competition, but being in collaboration is beautiful to witness, the way you show up and being authentic in your content from personally on social media, but also on TV and movies. So I really want to acknowledge you for...

• 57:22Speaker 01

  Oh my God, that's so sweet.

• 57:23Lewis Howes?

  Just being a beautiful gift.

• 57:25Speaker 01

  Thank you.

• 57:25Lewis Howes?

  And, um...

• 57:26Speaker 01

  Thank you.

• 57:27Lewis Howes?

  And bringing joy to so many people.

• 57:28Speaker 01

  Oh, thank you. Look at this. There goes the...

• 57:31Lewis Howes?

  I appreciate that.

• 57:33Speaker 01

  The emotional side of me coming out.

• 57:35Lewis Howes?

  Yeah.

• 57:36Speaker 01

  Thank you. I appreciate that.

• 57:37Lewis Howes?

  I know how hard you work and I know how much you show up for yourself and for so many people.

• 57:42Speaker 01

  Thank you.

• 57:43Lewis Howes?

  And it doesn't go unnoticed.

• 57:45Speaker 01

  Thank you so much. That is so sweet.

• 57:47Lewis Howes?

  Of course, of course.

• 57:49Speaker 01

  Thank you. Great.

• 57:51Lewis Howes?

  I have one final question.

• 57:52Speaker 01

  What? Now my teary eyes, like, you always say you have a final question, but it's not your final question.

• 57:58Lewis Howes?

  This is it. I promise. This is it.

• 57:59Speaker 01

  Okay.

• 57:59Lewis Howes?

  It's what's your definition of greatness?

• 58:02Speaker 01

  Definition of greatness is kind of like what you just said. Um, recognizing the gift that you have, because I believe each and every person in this life has been gifted with something. Realize what your purpose is and share it with the world. Don't hold on to it. Share it. So...

• 58:21Lewis Howes?

  Tamara, I appreciate you. Thank you very much. Appreciate it. Thank you. Thank you so much for listening. I hope you enjoyed today's episode and it inspired you on your journey towards greatness. Make sure to check out the show notes in the description for a full rundown of today's show with all the important links. And also make sure to share this with a friend and subscribe over on Apple Podcasts as well. I really love hearing feedback from you guys, so share a review over on Apple and let me know what part of this episode resonated with you the most. And if no one's told you lately, I want to remind you that you are loved, you are worthy, and you matter. And now it's time to go out there and do something great.