#655 - Sal Vulcano

Sal Vulcano is a stand-up comedian, podcaster and co-host of the popular show “Impractical Jokers” on TBS. Sal returns to talk about neighborhood hams, what he’s loved about growing his family even more, and a wedding tape he found that he desperately needs to get back to the owners… Sal Vulcano: https://www.instagram.com/salvulcano/ ------------------------------------------------- Tour Dates! https://theovon.com/tour New Merch: https://www.theovonstore.com ------------------------------------------------- Sponsored By: Celsius: Go to the Celsius Amazon store to check out all of their flavors. #CELSIUSBrandPartner #CELSIUSLiveFit https://amzn.to/3HbAtPJ Perplexity AI: Ask anything at https://pplx.ai/theo Prize Picks: Go to https://link.prizepicks.com/LME0/THEO and use code THEO to get $50 in lineups when you play your first $5 lineup! Play Responsibly. Better Help: This show is brought to you by BetterHelp. Sign up and get 10% off at http://BetterHelp.com/theo Shopify: Start your free trial with Shopify today at http://shopify.com/theo Ultra: Don’t sleep on @ultrapouches. New customers get 15% Off with code THEO at http://takeultra.com! #UltraPouches #ad ------------------------------------------------- Music: “Shine” by Bishop Gunn Bishop Gunn - Shine ------------------------------------------------ Submit your funny videos, TikToks, questions and topics you'd like to hear on the podcast to: [email protected] Hit the Hotline: 985-664-9503 Video Hotline for Theo Upload here: https://www.theovon.com/fan-upload ------------------------------------------------ Find Theo: Website: https://theovon.com Instagram: https://instagram.com/theovon Facebook: https://facebook.com/theovon Facebook Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/thispastweekend Twitter: https://twitter.com/theovon YouTube: https://youtube.com/theovon Clips Channel: https://www.youtube.com/c/TheoVonClips Shorts Channel: https://bit.ly/3ClUj8z ------------------------------------------------ Producer: Zach https://www.instagram.com/zachdpowers Producer: Trevyn https://www.instagram.com/trevyn.s/ Producer: Nick https://www.instagram.com/realnickdavis/ Producer: Andrew https://www.instagram.com/bleachmediaofficial/ Producer: Halston https://www.instagram.com/halstonrays/ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Speaker names marked ? are inferred from speaking time and the show’s known hosts — they are not voice-verified.

• 0:01Speaker 00

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• 0:29Theo Von?

  I want to let you know that I'll be doing a podcast, taping this podcast, before a live audience. It's the only time I've ever done that. And it may be the only time I ever do, I don't know. But that will be with the champ, Iron Mike Tyson, on May 5th in Los Angeles, at the Wiltern Theater, as part of the Netflix Is A Joke Fest. And after that, it'll be on our channel, so you can see it there. You can get tickets at theovon.com/TOUR.

• 1:02Theo Von?

  Today's guest is a stand-up comedian. He's a host, he's a podcaster. He's just a, he's a universal smile maker. You know him from his hit show, Impractical Jokers. And he's on tour doing stand-up right now. Always have a blast with the one and only, Mr. Sal Volcano.

• 1:38Speaker 02

  We start filming Season 13 on Thursday. Two is another thing, yeah.

• 1:44Theo Von?

  Wow.

• 1:44Speaker 02

  It's wild. It's been on for, it's been on air for 15 years.

• 1:50Theo Von?

  And have you ever met like a child that was conceived during the show? Like, has that ever been a thing?

• 1:54Speaker 02

  Yeah, people, I, yeah. People, I know people met and got married. And I know, I know people tell me they fuck to it all the time.

• 2:01Theo Von?

  Oh my God, really?

• 2:02Speaker 02

  I didn't think of that, until one day I was, I was on the, I was standing outside, I'm getting a tire, a flat tire fixed. I was standing on a sidewalk. And a guy pulled up at a light and he rolled down the window. He's like, Sam, I love you, man. I was like, thanks, man. He goes, I was having sex with my girlfriend last night while the show was on. And I was like, oh shit, I never really thought about that. So I went on to Instagram and I posted like, has anyone ever had sex while my show was on? It was like hundreds of thousands of people.

• 2:31Speaker 02

  You don't, I don't, you don't think of it, you know? One time somebody sent me porn of people, fuck him, and our show was on on TV in the background.

• 2:40Theo Von?

  What?

• 2:41Speaker 02

  Not like a professional one.

• 2:42Theo Von?

  Oh, just amateur?

• 2:43Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 2:44Theo Von?

  Oh shit, maybe one day you'll make the big moves.

• 2:47Speaker 02

  Yeah, man, hopefully we can show up on a Brazzers, you know, one day.

• 2:52Theo Von?

  Oh my God, dude. And why do you think it is that y'all's show is one of those shows that's like, alright, you know, let's make a child of this or let's get a little, you know, let's do the Humpty.

• 3:04Speaker 02

  It's like background, you know? Like you put it on anytime. You don't have to like follow anything. Just turn it on. And it's good like playing in the background. They play it all day long. So just, it's like one of those things like when I get to a hotel room, I turn something on and it just like plays in the background. So I think people are just, people are gonna go about their business while it's on.

• 3:20Theo Von?

  You think, you think that's it? I, I feel like.

• 3:22Speaker 02

  I think so. I mean, I don't think it's intoxicating or anything. I don't think it's like, like oysters.

• 3:29Theo Von?

  Visual oysters.

• 3:34Theo Von?

  No, I do think there's something about y'all's show that it's like, it's the one thing like spouses could probably kind of agree on it, you know?

• 3:41Speaker 02

  Yeah, we get that, yeah.

• 3:41Theo Von?

  There's not a lot, you know, and you could have your kids are in there, you know, everybody could kind of agree on like, alright, we'll all kind of watch this. There's few shows like that now.

• 3:49Speaker 02

  Yeah, no, you, yeah, that, there's like a Venn diagram where the kids and the parents both like it. And they, they, that's what we hear a lot too, which is like, it's a show that everybody could be like, oh, I'll watch that. You know what I mean? I guess, huh?

• 4:01Theo Von?

  There's a new Little House on the Prairie coming out.

• 4:05Speaker 02

  I think you and I have spoken about Little House on the Prairie before.

• 4:07Theo Von?

  Did we?

• 4:08Speaker 02

  Yeah, I think we did. Michael Landon, because you were a big fan, right?

• 4:12Theo Von?

  Oh, yeah.

• 4:12Speaker 02

  Highway to Heaven?

• 4:13Theo Von?

  Oh.

• 4:14Speaker 02

  You're a Michael Landon fan or a Prairie fan?

• 4:16Theo Von?

  The Highway to Heaven, and it needs to be repaved, brother. I'll say that.

• 4:22Theo Von?

  I mean, they got, you know what I'm saying?

• 4:23Speaker 02

  What was it? Was he, he was an angel that was like in purgatory? And this guy's friend with the beard was another angel?

• 4:29Theo Von?

  Yeah, his friend was like an Oakland A's fan, so.

• 4:32Speaker 02

  Yeah, but was he an angel too, the friend, or was he a civilian?

• 4:35Theo Von?

  No, his friend was a civilian.

• 4:36Speaker 02

  And he could see Michael Landon?

• 4:38Theo Von?

  Yeah, and everybody could see him, but he came back and then he realized that Michael Landon is an angel. Bring, bring, bring, bring it up, Highway to Heaven. What was the storyline on that?

• 4:46Speaker 02

  I haven't thought of that since the last time you and I spoke about it, and the time before that was when I watched it.

• 4:51Theo Von?

  It's.

• 4:55Theo Von?

  Yeah, dude, well, I've thought about it, but I can't believe that you remembered that we had talked about it because I haven't talked about it with someone since then.

• 5:03Speaker 02

  Yeah, that's why I remember it. I'm like, I just remembered you making me laugh about.

• 5:06Theo Von?

  Highway to Heaven, uh, follows Jonathan Smith, Michael Landon, a probationary angel, you're right, and Mark Gordon, an ex-cop, as he traveled America helping people in need on behalf of the boss, God. The series focuses on providing divine intervention, love, and emotional support to individuals facing hardship.

• 5:23Speaker 02

  That's a pitch, that's such a funny pitch. Like, okay, hit me out. An angel and an ex-cop?

• 5:28Theo Von?

  Yeah.

• 5:28Speaker 02

  That's really good. I'm like, I'm sold.

• 5:30Theo Von?

  Oh, yeah, Michael Landon was one of a kind of, I mean, that show was great. But, yeah, we, the Highway to Heaven, I think they put a dang toll, they put a toll booth on it now. It's like.

• 5:38Speaker 02

  Yeah, you can't even, they couldn't remake something like this today.

• 5:40Theo Von?

  You don't think?

• 5:41Speaker 02

  No, maybe, I think now actually is when they probably can remake. Now I'm thinking about it. I mean, I think you need a good Christian drama.

• 5:48Theo Von?

  I think you need something that's leading, I mean, it'd be nice, I think, if there were more influences towards faith, probably.

• 5:54Theo Von?

  But even, even having Little House on the Prairie back, it's gonna be a vibe, dude.

• 5:58Speaker 02

  Oh, wait, so they're bringing back Highway to Heaven and Little House on the Prairie?

• 6:00Theo Von?

  Little House on the Prairie.

• 6:01Speaker 02

  Because what was that Highway to Heaven right there just now, on the right? What's that?

• 6:05Theo Von?

  Oh. Oh, they tried to bring it back, bro. I didn't even know.

• 6:09Speaker 02

  No one knew. Nobody knew.

• 6:11Theo Von?

  And they brought it back. It looks like with an African American actress. Who was her? Barry Watson? Oh, Jill Scott?

• 6:17Speaker 02

  Jill Scott?

• 6:19Theo Von?

  Grammy Award winner Jill Scott and Barry Watson.

• 6:21Speaker 02

  Wow, that came and went.

• 6:23Theo Von?

  Oh.

• 6:24Speaker 02

  Or is that coming out now? I'll give it a whirl.

• 6:26Theo Von?

  It's 2021.

• 6:27Speaker 02

  Oh, alright. Well, you can't, I mean, there's COVID times.

• 6:31Theo Von?

  Yeah, people, and they were probably shipping people to heaven during COVID.

• 6:36Speaker 02

  We were the highway to heaven during COVID.

• 6:38Theo Von?

  It was a Pfizer four lane going on, bro. Fauci working the toll booth.

• 6:45Theo Von?

  Getting the last dime out of you just to, just to hit the turnpike.

• 6:49Speaker 02

  Was he working towards salvation, Michael Landon in Highway to Heaven? Like, was he saving people to get in God's good graces? Like, why was he, he's probationary.

• 6:59Theo Von?

  Yeah.

• 7:00Speaker 02

  I would like to know how that series ended.

• 7:02Theo Von?

  Yeah, what was the last?

• 7:04Speaker 02

  He had to have gone to heaven. If he didn't, I mean, it would have been a huge letdown, though. No, I mean, imagine, imagine they just left it open, like, they don't even tell us.

• 7:12Theo Von?

  Yeah, let's go to the ending of it. The series Highway to Heaven did not have a planned definitive series finale as it was canceled due to low ratings, bro.

• 7:19Speaker 02

  Shit. Wow, so they didn't. That's always a bummer when you invest in a show.

• 7:25Theo Von?

  And yeah.

• 7:25Speaker 02

  And then it just stops and you're like, that's, that's, that's, that's hard.

• 7:29Theo Von?

  Or when the whole nation invests in a show too, and it ends like Lost. Lost killed. Lost probably, I think there's people that died because Lost wasn't, it didn't do anything.

• 7:39Speaker 02

  Yeah, there had to be some type of butterfly effect.

• 7:42Theo Von?

  It was like, it was their hope. I'm gonna keep watching this and it's gonna get somewhere.

• 7:45Speaker 02

  I was me. That was me. I watched Lost. And at one point, I thought Lost was the greatest show I had ever seen in my life. And then the last two or three seasons, it was like maddening.

• 7:54Theo Von?

  Yeah. That broke a lot of people.

• 7:57Speaker 02

  It's too convoluted.

• 7:58Theo Von?

  Oh, people divorced, is that, I mean, that broke, people don't realize, you don't realize that if you invest that much with somebody into something, and if that thing falls apart, you might, you can fall apart.

• 8:07Speaker 02

  You can fall, you can unravel. Your whole life can unravel.

• 8:10Theo Von?

  Yeah.

• 8:10Speaker 02

  It doesn't take much these days.

• 8:11Theo Von?

  Yeah, it doesn't.

• 8:12Speaker 02

  Everyone's right there. All it takes is like, just the creators of Lost is stringing us along, telling us the whole time they have exact intentions when they fucking don't. And it comes out later. I don't know if anyone's ever taken them to task for that. I'll tell you another thing. I saw the finale. I couldn't tell you what, what, I can't explain it to you right now.

• 8:30Theo Von?

  Yeah. Yeah, you can't even explain the ending. You did all that and you couldn't explain the ending to us.

• 8:34Speaker 02

  Evangeline Lilly. God bless her, really.

• 8:38Theo Von?

  She's doing fine, I'm sure.

• 8:40Speaker 02

  Yeah, she's like, uh, and she's like in Ant-Man, right? She's like Ant Woman.

• 8:44Theo Von?

  Oh, she is?

• 8:45Speaker 02

  I think so.

• 8:45Theo Von?

  I didn't know.

• 8:46Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 8:47Theo Von?

  That show was so good, dude.

• 8:48Speaker 02

  The flashbacks, the flash sideways.

• 8:50Theo Von?

  Flash forwards, flash sideways. They started flashing sideways. I'm like, what is that?

• 8:53Speaker 02

  I've never seen a flash sideways before, lost.

• 8:55Theo Von?

  Yeah.

• 8:56Speaker 02

  Yeah. How do you flash sideways? They did it.

• 8:58Theo Von?

  God, yeah, they did it.

• 9:01Speaker 02

  I'd like to flash sideways.

• 9:02Theo Von?

  Ah.

• 9:02Speaker 02

  Today. I'd like to flash sideways today.

• 9:05Theo Von?

  Yeah, you're doing, uh, you said you're in town, um, you hitting the doctor, you on the, you on the, you hitting the medical circuit right now?

• 9:11Speaker 02

  Yeah, I'm hitting the medical circuit. My doctor lives out here. My boy from high school.

• 9:16Theo Von?

  Really?

• 9:16Speaker 02

  He's my primary, so.

• 9:18Theo Von?

  And it's your friend from high school?

• 9:19Speaker 02

  Yes, my boy from, I've known him since he was thirteen.

• 9:22Theo Von?

  Wow.

• 9:23Speaker 02

  Yeah, so shout out James Loesch.

• 9:26Theo Von?

  James Loesch? Jay Lo?

• 9:27Speaker 02

  So, uh.

• 9:28Theo Von?

  I don't know if I want to go to my friend and let him, but I guess if it's your boy, you can trust him with anything.

• 9:32Speaker 02

  Yeah, that's where it started out of, like.

• 9:34Theo Von?

  And you can show him your body and whatever?

• 9:36Speaker 02

  No, I haven't shown him my body and that would be where I probably, that's, I understand what you're saying there. Right there is where, I thought I would have to do it this week, show him my body because these, like, we had a list of things to do. I got like what's called a DEXA scan, a CT angiogram, I got a blood draw for a full panel plus a cancer screening.

• 9:53Theo Von?

  Cool.

• 9:53Speaker 02

  I got an MRI today. I'm doing everything. And then I, it said in there, uh, what is that? It said in there, uh.

• 10:00Theo Von?

  That's him, huh?

• 10:00Speaker 02

  That's me.

• 10:02Theo Von?

  Oh, it is? That's you again?

• 10:06Speaker 02

  He pulled him up in a tux at eighteen years old.

• 10:09Theo Von?

  Dude, every time you hear, we bring up pictures of guys that I cannot even believe it's you and it's you every time.

• 10:14Speaker 02

  I know. Um, I, uh, it said physical, so I was gonna, at one point I was gonna be like, you don't have to like, you don't have to hold my sack or anything, do you?

• 10:21Theo Von?

  Yeah.

• 10:21Speaker 02

  But then I just let it go and then he didn't say anything and then it was, it was fine.

• 10:25Theo Von?

  But do you think you're missing out on something that's important information or something? Just because you guys are like, kind of shy or whatever?

• 10:30Speaker 02

  I was, I was wondering if, if in general, like, when was the last time you got a physical?

• 10:36Theo Von?

  A physical, uh.

• 10:38Speaker 02

  You have to do it for the movie or something like that, maybe?

• 10:39Theo Von?

  Probably a movie. I mean, I wouldn't bet it. It probably wasn't too long ago, but I've gotten all the blood panels. I get them done all the time.

• 10:44Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah. So I, I just don't know if that's antiquated, like them like holding you and saying cough or drop your. I don't, I don't really hear people talk about that anymore.

• 10:53Theo Von?

  Yeah, hold them and yeah, call your stepfather a queer or whatever. That's not.

• 10:57Speaker 02

  That's not, yeah. It's not, it's, I mean, it's not a medical term. They're taking liberties.

• 11:01Theo Von?

  Yeah, they're taking liberties, dude. You're like, I don't think.

• 11:04Speaker 02

  I was like, cough, but call my dad a queer? Trust me, just do it. It's like.

• 11:08Theo Von?

  Yeah, it's, yeah, it'll relieve some stress. You're like, okay.

• 11:11Speaker 02

  I don't know what they're looking for, but if he didn't touch my balls, then I guess like he's not going to find anything there.

• 11:17Theo Von?

  Yeah.

• 11:18Speaker 02

  So like, I guess that was, uh, an oversight.

• 11:20Theo Von?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 11:21Speaker 02

  But I guess, what are they checking for when they hold your balls? Like a hernia?

• 11:24Theo Von?

  Well, I, I mean, look, I think it on.

• 11:25Speaker 02

  Cause I don't lift anything.

• 11:26Theo Von?

  On, yeah.

• 11:29Theo Von?

  I got a bad back. Doctor says I can't even lift my balls, dude. Bro, let's check it right now. Yes, it is standard medical procedure for a doctor to hold the scrotum whilst asking you to cough and check for it. And I get that, but that shit seems hella, um, it seemed like the Catholic Church is involved in it a little bit. Has a little backsplash of uncertainty. But what, uh, how, how do we self-check our own balls? That's what I would look up.

• 11:55Speaker 02

  Yeah, maybe a self-exam I could do.

• 11:59Theo Von?

  Cause there's probably time, man, that we know how to do this just because there's a lot of times I'm sitting in a lobby or I'm chilling, you know?

• 12:05Speaker 02

  Yeah. And then you don't know what's going on down there.

• 12:08Theo Von?

  Well, it's like, I might as well check it out.

• 12:09Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 12:09Theo Von?

  There's times where I'll just.

• 12:10Speaker 02

  Oh yeah, we could check all the time.

• 12:12Theo Von?

  Yeah.

• 12:12Speaker 02

  If we know what we're doing, we're, we're, we're checking without knowing usually.

• 12:17Theo Von?

  Yeah, usually I'm feeling around in my balls. Like, oh, what is that? Don't touch that. There's like that part that's like, no, no.

• 12:21Speaker 02

  That's the thing attached to the ball. It's like weird.

• 12:23Theo Von?

  Yeah, yeah. Like, oh, that's the HVAC area.

• 12:25Speaker 02

  It's all white. Yeah. Yeah, I'm not certified, like, you know, in, in a bag. I don't really know anything in a bag.

• 12:32Theo Von?

  There's definitely, dude. Yeah, there's moments where you're like, oh, what is that?

• 12:36Speaker 02

  And you're like.

• 12:41Theo Von?

  That's what gets scary, bro.

• 12:42Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 12:43Theo Von?

  Be like, oh, that just feels like, and they're like, it's like, feels like a, oh, that's just a skittle or something.

• 12:47Speaker 02

  I still won't go. I still won't go if I feel like I have a taste, like a rainbow in, like, if I have a skittle in there or something. I would just be like, I would sooner Google it. There's something I just, I'm not really, he would have had to probably take his balls out for me to feel comfortable.

• 13:02Theo Von?

  Oh, that's fair.

• 13:03Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 13:04Theo Von?

  Dude, that should be something you guys do for the show for like one of the things.

• 13:07Speaker 02

  Yeah, we'll do that.

• 13:08Theo Von?

  Get him into that center, you know?

• 13:10Speaker 02

  Yeah, I got my doctor in there and show his balls on our show, it makes sense.

• 13:14Theo Von?

  Gorgeous, you know, now with the doctor's guy, you know, get him to, you know, I need you to hold your ball while you hold my balls.

• 13:20Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 13:21Theo Von?

  You know what I'm saying? And we sing a little bit of Bruno Mars, you know?

• 13:24Speaker 02

  Yeah, Bruno's good, man.

• 13:26Theo Von?

  Dude, it remind, you had a story about Bruno, remember? He went to his show, you.

• 13:29Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah, he was, he was dope. He was like, uh, it was a bit back, but he was like bartender for us backstage. And then during his finale, he was like yelling out quotes from my show, like in the middle of like, "You make me feel like I'm locked out of heaven." And he just starts, and then there's pyrotechnics. And then he just started screaming out lines from the show and I was like, I can't believe this. I actually missed it. I was like with people and, and like, I didn't hear him say it and they were freaking out.

• 13:59Theo Von?

  Oh.

• 14:00Speaker 02

  I think I might, if I told this last time, but I was like, I remember like, I was like four or five people. I was with my girl and, and, and, and the guys and, and they went nuts. And I thought they were just going nuts for the song locked. And I was like, wow, they're really big fans. Like that's, like they were like overhyped, you know? Obviously they just heard him quoting us, so they were reacting like that. And I was like, this song is good, but I like, they're really in, they're into it. And then like a few minutes later, like, I can't believe he, he.

• 14:24Theo Von?

  And where were you? You was getting something.

• 14:26Speaker 02

  No, I was right there with him, but I didn't hear, like, there was fireworks going off and I didn't hear it. And then I was like, and then they were like, I can't believe he quoted you. I'm like, he quoted me?

• 14:35Theo Von?

  And you didn't even know you were right there?

• 14:37Speaker 02

  Is this real? That's real. You could pull off, it looks, it looks like AI, right? That's real. You could pull off a hat like that?

• 14:42Theo Von?

  There's Bruno Mars. I could never pull off a hat like that.

• 14:44Speaker 02

  Never.

• 14:45Theo Von?

  Joe and Sal came down to the show in Albany tonight, Albany.

• 14:48Speaker 02

  Oh, it's Albany.

• 14:49Theo Von?

  Albany, Albany, sorry. And if you ain't seen the show in practical jokes, you're missing out. Apparent, apparent, apparently.

• 14:56Speaker 02

  Yeah, apparently.

• 14:56Theo Von?

  Apparently, Mur was there.

• 14:59Speaker 02

  Yeah, Mur got there late and, and after it was over. He got stuck in traffic and he like drove eight hours and missed it. I swear to God, dude. He drove, I'm not, I'm not, I know, he might, honestly, honestly, I think he drove like 13 hours. I don't know why. I forget the circumstances surrounding it, but he got there late and just missed the whole thing.

• 15:19Theo Von?

  Damn, dude.

• 15:21Speaker 02

  Yeah, I couldn't wear a hat like that.

• 15:23Theo Von?

  Yeah, I couldn't wear a hat like that. I wouldn't be able to do it good. Um, so we don't forget this, cause I do think this is important. What can we do to check out our nuts to make sure that we're okay? What do we do, actually? Cut this first. Uh, using both hands. And I'll just, you just cut my waist, don't do me lower than the waist, I'm gonna check while we're here.

• 15:43Speaker 02

  I can't see it, but I'll, you tell me, maybe you give me a play by play.

• 15:47Theo Von?

  Alright.

• 15:47Speaker 02

  Like, what do you feel, what are you feeling for right now?

• 15:51Speaker 02

  What do you, what is it?

• 15:51Theo Von?

  I don't know, I think I feel like I'm in like the cottage cheese section.

• 15:56Speaker 02

  Well, well, ultimately though, what are you chat, what are you looking for? Are you looking for a hernia? Are you looking for a skittle? Like, what are you, what are you?

• 16:02Theo Von?

  I'm looking for cancer, bro.

• 16:03Speaker 02

  Oh, that's what we're doing? That's, that's cancer when I do that?

• 16:05Theo Von?

  I'm doing cancer screening. Yeah, I'm not gonna waste my time to feel my nuts.

• 16:08Speaker 02

  You might as well screen for everything if you're feeling around. Just do a full thing, screen for everything.

• 16:12Theo Von?

  Dude, I can't do a full panel or whatever, I don't know.

• 16:14Speaker 02

  Can you tell the difference between a hernia and cancer?

• 16:18Theo Von?

  I know.

• 16:19Speaker 02

  I will say like, it is weird with both hands on, on your balls while I'm talking to you.

• 16:26Theo Von?

  Normally it would be.

• 16:27Speaker 02

  Same when we first met.

• 16:27Theo Von?

  Well, if you would give, if you would give me a second, I'm trying to see if I have cancer, okay?

• 16:35Speaker 02

  What is this, what is this, what is this, uh, animation though? What is, why is it no sack?

• 16:41Theo Von?

  I don't know. That's dick sore, I think.

• 16:46Theo Von?

  That was a cheap joke, but thank you for supporting me.

• 16:48Speaker 02

  That was good, man.

• 16:49Theo Von?

  Take me, just getting on the wording again, one more time. Go back. Perform a testicular, self-exam monthly. Oh God, dude, I am, I am 400 months behind schedule.

• 17:00Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 17:01Theo Von?

  Ideally during or after a warm shower. When a scrotum's relaxed, yeah, you'd, oh, if you got that hard bag, bro.

• 17:07Speaker 02

  Yeah, you can't do it in like the winter.

• 17:09Theo Von?

  Yeah, if you feel like it's like, kind of like a, feels like a bit of like a really ripe avocado, you gotta back off the sack.

• 17:14Speaker 02

  Yeah, that's right.

• 17:15Theo Von?

  Using both hands, gently roll each testicle between your thumb and finger to check for hard lumps. Smooth bumps, that's a unique term.

• 17:25Theo Von?

  That's gotta be an oxymoron. Smooth bumps? How can you find that? That's crazy.

• 17:28Speaker 02

  Yeah, what's a smooth bump? Isn't by definition a bump not smooth? Hard lumps, smooth bumps, Theo Von Story.

• 17:37Theo Von?

  My journey through chemotherapy. Or changes in size, shape, or consistency.

• 17:42Speaker 02

  What do they mean changes in size? Like, it's like a...

• 17:47Theo Von?

  I guess if one's gotten really... Like, one sounds like its throat's clogged or whatever.

• 17:51Speaker 02

  Oh, there's always one bigger than the other, isn't there? Or is that breasts? Isn't that true? Balls and breasts, there's always one that's bigger?

• 17:58Theo Von?

  Yeah, I think that's true. I'm gonna read this one part off and then we'll get to that. Hard pea-sized lumps or nodules? A new dull ache or feeling of heaviness in the lower abdomen or groin? So that, I think, is more for hernia. And then significant swelling or a sudden change in size. So I guess the good thing is if you do it repeatedly, you'll start to... That's the thing, you probably have to do it repeatedly so you get an idea.

• 18:18Speaker 02

  You catch it.

• 18:19Theo Von?

  Yes, you have a baseline.

• 18:19Speaker 02

  You have a baseline.

• 18:20Theo Von?

  Because otherwise, if you're just wandering into your nuts with your hands or whatever.

• 18:23Speaker 02

  Right.

• 18:23Theo Von?

  Everything in there.

• 18:24Speaker 02

  Yeah, you don't know what's in there at all, yeah.

• 18:27Theo Von?

  No, neither testicle nor breasts are always perfectly symmetrical. One side is typically slightly larger position differently in most people.

• 18:36Theo Von?

  And the testicles usually hang at different levels. That gives them also the illusion of seeming like they're different sized.

• 18:42Speaker 02

  It'd be funny if we didn't have a sack and they just hung. Like, in that... Like, how that hand was holding the two individual testicles?

• 18:49Theo Von?

  Oh, yeah.

• 18:49Speaker 02

  Yeah, that would be weird.

• 18:51Theo Von?

  That'd be very weird.

• 18:52Speaker 02

  They just, like, hung, like, on a string, like, on strings? Like, just kabangers? Remember those, like, those kabangers? Yeah, when we were little, like, it was like two balls on the strings? And you were like, pop, pop, pop, pop, pop, pop, pop. And they were like... They were called kabangers.

• 19:07Theo Von?

  Bring them up, them kabangers, bro.

• 19:09Speaker 02

  Yeah, get those kabangers up there.

• 19:13Speaker 02

  You don't remember those?

• 19:14Theo Von?

  I've never seen those in my life.

• 19:15Speaker 02

  What, bro? They still sell them now.

• 19:17Theo Von?

  Buddy, I promise you.

• 19:19Speaker 02

  Where, wow, man, dude, I'm so, I'm so sorry, cuz like I had some really nice times with those.

• 19:23Theo Von?

  With them Kabangas?

• 19:24Speaker 02

  Yeah, like they're real, when you get, when you, when you know what you're doing, you can see a video of somebody doing it. When you know what you're doing, it's, it's a, it's a real treat.

• 19:32Theo Von?

  Oh, here's a video of commercial for them? Smithy's.

• 19:48Theo Von?

  Oh, you knock it frickin' tooth out, you knock your neighbor's nuts off with that?

• 19:51Speaker 02

  They were like little like, uh, nunchucks.

• 19:53Theo Von?

  Oh, I did used to wish that like your nuts had like a, they were like secret hearing device, whatever, like you could throw, roll one somewhere into a room and it would be able to hear.

• 20:01Speaker 02

  That's dope.

• 20:01Theo Von?

  What was going on.

• 20:03Speaker 02

  That's really good.

• 20:03Theo Von?

  Like a recon nut or whatever.

• 20:05Speaker 02

  Like a James Bond nut.

• 20:06Theo Von?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 20:07Speaker 02

  Yeah, that's good. There's, you know, the, the sack is a good place to hide something.

• 20:12Theo Von?

  Oh, yeah.

• 20:13Speaker 02

  You know, if you can get like some type of surgery where you get like a, it's almost like a, you remember what, you remember what they call ruse, kangaroos, the sneaker?

• 20:21Theo Von?

  Ruse, yeah.

• 20:22Speaker 02

  Remember?

• 20:23Theo Von?

  Yeah.

• 20:23Speaker 02

  And so the thing about kangaroos or ruse, I think, is every single sneaker had a, like a hidden pocket on it.

• 20:29Theo Von?

  Oh, that's right, that was part of their thing.

• 20:31Speaker 02

  On the side, and they should bring those back, you know, but that'd be like, you can do that with your pouch, like with the sack, and then you could hide stuff in there.

• 20:40Theo Von?

  Yeah, well, I bet you could get that modulated, bro, if you got your nuts modulated, bro.

• 20:46Theo Von?

  You could do that in a fucking heartbeat, or yeah, get you a little side, get you a little pouch, almost, or get like, almost like a little fanny pack put on it.

• 20:53Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 20:53Theo Von?

  They should make a little fanny pack that goes around your.

• 20:57Speaker 02

  Actually, I wouldn't, this is not a bad idea if we could find a safe medical way to do it, because you ever throw on like a pair of sweats and there's no pockets and you leave the house and you got no pockets?

• 21:04Theo Von?

  Oh.

• 21:05Speaker 02

  When you have no pockets, I feel like I might have to go back. Like, I, I, I will not buy pants without a proper pocket, or like, you know what I mean?

• 21:12Theo Von?

  Yeah, well, of course, I know what you mean.

• 21:14Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah, and then, and then, and then, and then, but if you had a sack that held stuff, like a pouch.

• 21:19Theo Von?

  You feel like, oh.

• 21:19Speaker 02

  You wouldn't have to think about it anymore, you could throw on any pants you want, you could flippantly throw on pants before you leave the house, not even think twice about it.

• 21:25Theo Von?

  Yeah, that's true, yeah, if you're like, oh, I just, yeah, I got enough room for just a couple of zands.

• 21:29Speaker 02

  Or you could put like your license in there, a key, key fob.

• 21:34Theo Von?

  I think putting your license in your nuts is crazy work, bro.

• 21:37Speaker 02

  Yeah, you're right, but the whole concept is, so. You could have gave me, it's just, you know, we're just trying, I mean, I don't think we're putting anything in there really, but.

• 21:44Theo Von?

  Well, here's the thing, if I don't have.

• 21:45Speaker 02

  You're gonna put a zen in there, two zens, I think you could put. I would, I would be careful putting two zens in there. That's the tobacco.

• 21:51Theo Von?

  Yeah.

• 21:52Speaker 02

  You are, took it to another level. Now you're gonna get ball cancer.

• 21:56Speaker 02

  All I'm doing is trying to have identification on me.

• 21:58Theo Von?

  Yeah, you're right, bro. You're right, man. I'm really going to kind of like my separate way, but.

• 22:03Speaker 02

  Oh, so I didn't ever got that enhanced license for travel. So now, just in case, I always gotta bring my passport with me to the airport and I'm always afraid I'm gonna forget it at home and then it's gonna be lights out because I can't get on a thing. So I would put my, maybe my pa- I would, you have to fold it up. It might be on console, but I would maybe permanently carry my passport in my sack.

• 22:20Theo Von?

  Bro, you can't fo- dude, think about this though, Sal. I hear you and I love what you're saying, but.

• 22:24Speaker 02

  You're right.

• 22:25Theo Von?

  To fold your fucking passport up?

• 22:27Speaker 02

  Yeah, I know. It's too much. I couldn't do it.

• 22:29Theo Von?

  It's not, it's not built to be folded, but here's what I do think is, yeah, if you had your nuts or whatever. Yeah, if you could put two, I'm trying to give you a couple, a couple of zens in your nuts or whatever, a couple of Alps in there.

• 22:39Speaker 02

  You do zen-ing?

• 22:41Theo Von?

  I don't do it.

• 22:41Speaker 02

  Me neither, I don't know.

• 22:42Theo Von?

  But I think it would be crazy if they're like, yeah, we, we think you have, uh, like gum cancer in your nut. Like you'll get like tooth and gum cancer or whatever.

• 22:54Theo Von?

  They're like, somehow you got mouth.

• 22:55Speaker 02

  You got gingivitis of the balls.

• 22:58Theo Von?

  Somehow you got mouth cancer in your nuts. Yeah, like, yes, because I've been fucking zen-ing.

• 23:02Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 23:03Theo Von?

  Through my magical nut pouch. But dude, the, the, uh, no two nuts are the same. You know that? No two nuts actually are the same.

• 23:10Speaker 02

  They're like snowflakes.

• 23:11Theo Von?

  Yeah.

• 23:11Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 23:12Theo Von?

  Pretty cool.

• 23:15Theo Von?

  You know what time it is? You know what time it is? Prize picks. America's number one sports picks app. The app is really easy to use. That's why I like it. To get started, you just pick more or less on two plus players stat projections and lock in your picks. That's it. It's simple. And with the NBA playoffs here, there's no better time to get in on the action. PrizePix is now an official daily fantasy partner of the NBA and that kicks off with a NBA Finals Sweepstakes.

• 23:54Theo Von?

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• 24:38Theo Von?

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• 25:19Theo Von?

  per day to stop yourself from crashing or from feeling a withdrawal? I'm stuck in that category. I need something, you know, right? And I gotta have, I gotta have a little bit of pattern. You know, for some people, it's pouches or coffee or energy drinks or heavy stimulants or just, some people, it's just their damn wife yelling at them, gets them keyed up. And that's why I want to let you know that now there's ultra pouches. These are, to stop all of that, these pouches are completely nicotine free and caffeine free and zero calories right there. You're probably thinking, if they don't have nicotine or caffeine in them, what exactly is in them, huh?

• 26:00Theo Von?

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• 26:41Speaker 02

  You dance?

• 26:43Theo Von?

  No, dude, but I will tell you this. My friend and I, maybe almost, probably like maybe 30 months ago or whatever, we went to the park and we saw, uh, and we watched the people do the Zal, do the Zalza dancing.

• 26:57Speaker 02

  The Zalza? Did you?

• 26:59Theo Von?

  So good, bro.

• 26:59Speaker 02

  That's 30 months ago you went to the park?

• 27:01Theo Von?

  Yeah.

• 27:02Speaker 02

  And once people saw you doing that?

• 27:03Theo Von?

  And, bro, we watched it. At first, we were like, whatever, bro, let's don't look too long because it's just me and him and we're not with anybody or whatever.

• 27:09Speaker 02

  Well, but you, it was just, you, you mean like there was like a competition or like a dance party or something?

• 27:13Theo Von?

  Yeah, it's a dance party they had over there by the lake. It's over there by Centennial Park in, uh, in Nashville. You can probably even look it up. And so they, yeah, it was just like a lot of Latinos and a couple of like Indian guys trying to pretend they were Mexican or whatever, like putting on like-

• 27:26Speaker 02

  Yeah, but they, they have their own really good dance routines too. You ever see them? They, they go, they go hard.

• 27:30Theo Von?

  Yeah.

• 27:31Speaker 02

  Like those, they, those like, like those routines where everyone's doing the same, like there's a choreographed, it's like She's All That. You ever see like an Indian wedding? It's like She's All That.

• 27:39Theo Von?

  Is it like that?

• 27:39Speaker 02

  I, I feel like the, the, like the Indian weddings I've seen in passing on like YouTube or like in, in Instagram or something. And you see them dan, and like they all like know the exact, that's so cool.

• 27:48Theo Von?

  Yeah, that is cool, huh?

• 27:49Speaker 02

  For like a, a, a dance to bust out and everyone does it together.

• 27:53Theo Von?

  Yeah.

• 27:53Speaker 02

  You know?

• 27:54Theo Von?

  Dude, that's a good, yeah, man, it's-

• 27:56Speaker 02

  Yeah, I went out dancing last night.

• 27:58Theo Von?

  You went out dancing last night?

• 27:59Speaker 02

  I felt like my mom in the eighties.

• 28:00Theo Von?

  You're lying.

• 28:01Speaker 02

  I swear to you, I went out dancing.

• 28:03Theo Von?

  You felt like your mom?

• 28:04Speaker 02

  I loved to dance.

• 28:05Theo Von?

  You wore a brooch?

• 28:05Speaker 02

  I, I, no, but I, I do love a brooch though.

• 28:07Theo Von?

  Me too.

• 28:08Speaker 02

  I, I got my wife a brooch recently.

• 28:09Theo Von?

  You did?

• 28:10Speaker 02

  I swear to God, yeah.

• 28:11Theo Von?

  That's awesome.

• 28:12Speaker 02

  I love it. So, brooches, they're just wonderful. I think they're like, they're, they're not in, I don't know if they're really in style anymore, but, uh, they're timeless, brooches.

• 28:21Theo Von?

  Yeah. Yeah, I think when you see someone with a brooch, you think-

• 28:25Theo Von?

  Well, sometimes you think like there's somebody pass away and there's like a little image of them in it. Right? Sometimes like a lock.

• 28:29Speaker 02

  Something like that, yeah, yeah. But sometimes it's just decorative.

• 28:32Theo Von?

  Yes.

• 28:32Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 28:33Theo Von?

  You think this, they're almost like, it feels like a little bit of royalty, like neighborhood royalty.

• 28:36Speaker 02

  I like it, yeah. It does feel like something, like a little bit of like a, like a, like a badge.

• 28:41Theo Von?

  Yes.

• 28:41Speaker 02

  Yeah, right.

• 28:42Theo Von?

  That's what it is. Oh, yeah, they got some great brooches.

• 28:44Speaker 02

  There's a place here called, um, The Five Spot is a bar. And on Mondays, they have Motown Mondays. And that's all I need to hear.

• 28:52Theo Von?

  Yeah.

• 28:53Speaker 02

  I love it. It was, it was like soul music, Motown music. And we went last night, it was one of my friend's birthdays, we went and I was like, I don't go out, cause you know, I, you know, at home, I'm just working and the kids and stuff. So I was like, let's go, let's go. Dude, I danced for like a good couple hours last night. I don't remember the last time I did that. Probably I got a wedding or something, but I was like in the wild dancing.

• 29:14Theo Von?

  No way.

• 29:15Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 29:16Theo Von?

  Dude, that's so fun. And everybody was just dancing, having fun?

• 29:18Speaker 02

  Everybody, yeah, the place wasn't that crowded and every last person there was dancing.

• 29:22Theo Von?

  Get down on it, they play stuff like that?

• 29:24Speaker 02

  Fuck, you talking about Calling the Gang?

• 29:25Theo Von?

  Yeah.

• 29:25Speaker 02

  Come on, babe. I love it. Yeah, you, it's hard, you get that, that song comes on by Calling the Gang. I have to dance.

• 29:33Theo Von?

  Yeah.

• 29:33Speaker 02

  I don't know about you. So you don't dance?

• 29:35Theo Von?

  Uh, you know what? Uh, here's the thing, I just forget about it. You know, I think if I had a date, like someone like, I wouldn't mind having a date and we go to the, um, square dancing. There is a Tuesday night place here that does square dance. I don't think it's the American Legion or something? Where they teach you how to square dance. My friend Chris just went last week.

• 29:53Speaker 02

  Like line dancing, like that?

• 29:55Theo Von?

  Yes. So I would like to learn that.

• 29:57Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 29:57Theo Von?

  And then, uh,

• 29:58Speaker 02

  That's a nice entry point.

• 30:00Theo Von?

  Yeah, and just to get you out.

• 30:01Speaker 02

  Two steps gets you feeling like you, you're part of the group.

• 30:04Theo Von?

  Yes, to get me out on the dance floor. I used to love to dance. Now, sometimes I think I feel a little bit like, sometimes I have some social anxiety about that shit.

• 30:11Speaker 02

  It's hard to dance now, if people are like, yeah, you can't just let loose.

• 30:14Theo Von?

  Yeah, honestly, I'm afraid, yeah, somebody will video me and probably make fun of me, which is fair. I'm okay if they make fun of me.

• 30:19Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 30:20Theo Von?

  But just doing it like, oh, like, there's some part of it I don't like. And I think it's just that, uh, I don't know, I, here's the thing. I don't wanna see a video of how bad I'm dancing because I wanna still believe in my head that I'm a good dancer.

• 30:34Speaker 02

  Sure, sure, sure.

• 30:35Theo Von?

  That's what it is.

• 30:36Speaker 02

  Yeah, but it's all.

• 30:36Theo Von?

  So don't take that ability away from me.

• 30:38Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 30:38Theo Von?

  By like using me to fucking just to burn me one.

• 30:41Speaker 02

  I would love to watch you sincerely dance.

• 30:46Theo Von?

  Okay.

• 30:46Speaker 02

  You know?

• 30:47Theo Von?

  Okay.

• 30:48Speaker 02

  You know, I would just love to see you like genuinely dancing.

• 30:52Theo Von?

  Okay.

• 30:52Speaker 02

  And see what that looks like.

• 30:54Theo Von?

  Okay.

• 30:54Speaker 02

  You know, what your rhythm is, what your moves are, like, how you get down.

• 30:58Theo Von?

  I think a lot of like that, oh, when the blues would come on, bro, I'd get out there and dance to the blues.

• 31:03Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah.

• 31:03Theo Von?

  They used to have a place called Tabby's Blues Box over there in downtown Baton Rouge, bro, and I'd get out there, bro. And they had a little bit of sliced ham or something over there on the side, you know?

• 31:12Speaker 02

  They were like, they put out a little like, uh, a little like, all you can eat like type of thing or something?

• 31:16Theo Von?

  It was like, it wasn't all you could eat, but it was like, you can eat a little.

• 31:20Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 31:21Theo Von?

  You know what I'm saying?

• 31:22Speaker 02

  But they had, like, they had food, people would dance to the blues and eat ham.

• 31:25Theo Von?

  Yeah, they had a dude sit and buy it, so you know you couldn't have had that much.

• 31:28Speaker 02

  Oh, so it was like, so, he served it, he like, you like, like, like when you get up at a wedding at a buffet, like, and they slice it for you, like that?

• 31:35Theo Von?

  Oh, yeah, like that. No, no, no.

• 31:37Speaker 02

  The ham steak?

• 31:38Theo Von?

  No, this was just kinda regular ham, not, not.

• 31:41Speaker 02

  Like deli ham?

• 31:43Theo Von?

  Nah, it was like a, it was like a few stairs up from deli ham.

• 31:46Speaker 02

  So somewhere between deli ham and, and a ham steak?

• 31:49Theo Von?

  Yeah, like neighborhood ham or whatever, or like, it's ham that had been kinda trucked in, it had been flown in.

• 31:54Speaker 02

  Okay.

• 31:54Theo Von?

  But it had come on a truck.

• 31:56Speaker 02

  But how did they prepare it? Like, what's on, like a glaze?

• 31:58Theo Von?

  Nah, they could just cook, I think they cooked it.

• 32:00Speaker 02

  Just cooked ham?

• 32:01Theo Von?

  Yeah.

• 32:01Speaker 02

  And then, and then the, while the blues, yeah, while the blues was going on.

• 32:04Theo Von?

  And they had some crackers out there, they just had a little setup, but they had a dude, you could tell, you couldn't have a lot because they had a dude sitting by it. Like they had, like, we're gonna pay this dude to sit by it.

• 32:13Speaker 02

  Yeah, because that's unfortunately what happens in society, you just have unchecked ham. It's gonna be like a Black Friday situation. You know, you ever see when they give the tote bags at Trader Joe's? People just become animals.

• 32:24Theo Von?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 32:25Speaker 02

  You can't, eh, ham, people already sad, listening to the blues, you can't just put out ham, they're gonna run for that, to come for food.

• 32:31Theo Von?

  Oh, bro, yeah, it was one, one song was so sad, I had a mouthful of fucking ham, and it's hard to cry when your mouth's full. You know what I'm talking about?

• 32:40Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 32:40Theo Von?

  You remember being a kid, you were like?

• 32:41Speaker 02

  Cry and chew.

• 32:42Theo Von?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. You couldn't, yeah, you can't cry and chew.

• 32:45Speaker 02

  You can't, you can't cry and eat, it's impossible.

• 32:47Theo Von?

  It was a fat boy's dilemma, bro.

• 32:50Speaker 02

  You really can't though.

• 32:52Theo Von?

  That's why you can't be sad and chubby dude because that's the dilemma that God sets you with like, you gonna be able to have as much little ham as you want, but you ain't gonna be able to be sad about it.

• 33:01Speaker 02

  Yeah, that's why people eat to stop crying.

• 33:04Theo Von?

  Oh dude, yes, that should be written on our American flag.

• 33:08Speaker 02

  Think about someone with a huge hoagie hysterically crying and eating it. I've never seen it. It's a, it's a, it's a visual I've never seen. People can't cry and eat at the same time.

• 33:19Theo Von?

  Yeah.

• 33:20Speaker 02

  Right?

• 33:21Theo Von?

  It's like sneezing and uh, or it's like uh,

• 33:24Speaker 02

  Yeah, right.

• 33:25Theo Von?

  Whatever it's called, sneezing and like wishing for, or what is it?

• 33:28Speaker 02

  Something. And I thought it was something with sneezing.

• 33:31Theo Von?

  It's like rubbing your belly and like,

• 33:33Speaker 02

  Chewing gum?

• 33:33Theo Von?

  Yeah, and uh,

• 33:35Speaker 02

  A pat on your head.

• 33:35Theo Von?

  Flirting with your neighbor's wife or something. You can't do it all.

• 33:38Speaker 02

  Yeah, it's like,

• 33:40Theo Von?

  Yeah, patting your head, rubbing your belly.

• 33:41Speaker 02

  Rubbing your belly and checking your balls for cancer.

• 33:43Theo Von?

  Yeah.

• 33:48Theo Von?

  Dude, thank you, bro. Oh, thank you for making me laugh today. I appreciate it, man.

• 33:53Speaker 02

  Of course, man.

• 33:54Theo Von?

  I appreciate it. Um, I want to ask you, so you, because your podcasting has changed recently and I wanted to talk about this. I wanted to know why, because you had two podcasts. You had one that you got, you were doing with Chris DiStefano.

• 34:07Speaker 02

  Yes, Hey Babe.

• 34:08Theo Von?

  Hey Babe. And then you had your own.

• 34:10Speaker 02

  I had one with Joe DeRosa called Taste Buds.

• 34:12Theo Von?

  And you had one with Joe DeRosa called Taste Buds. And Joe moved to Austin.

• 34:15Speaker 02

  Yes, he did.

• 34:16Theo Von?

  So that kind of brought that one to an end.

• 34:17Speaker 02

  Yeah, and Chris moved up like state or whatever, but.

• 34:20Theo Von?

  Oh, he's living upstate?

• 34:21Speaker 02

  Yeah, but I've, I'm telling you, because we, when we put these on hiatus, we said to the fans like they're just going on hiatus. It's been a couple of years now, but people had, think we, like we lied, we had no intentions of, we have full intentions of bringing both back. No joke. Like I talked to both of them, both of them recently. Chris texted me two days ago and said, you want to do like a short run of them? Just to put it back out there. And I'm like, yeah. And I talked to Joe, he said the same. So we really are going to bring it back. But I got a new talk show, like pod coming out called Minouche, which is like short for minutia. And it's like big guests, small talk, but it's like, it's like. Absurd. It's like, uh, it goes in and out of conversation and sketch comedy. It's like something just completely different.

• 35:00Theo Von?

  Huh.

• 35:01Speaker 02

  Yeah, like it's, uh, it's, it's off the wall. It's really fun. I shot like 10 episodes so far.

• 35:05Theo Von?

  Oh, you already did?

• 35:06Speaker 02

  Yeah, I shot Ted. I'm gonna do them by seasons, like 10 episode seasons. So I'm gonna release it like probably sometime in May and then kick it off. It's, it's been so much fun. You gotta, I talked to you about, you gotta come on.

• 35:16Theo Von?

  Yeah, I wanna come in.

• 35:17Speaker 02

  When you come through, you know, New York.

• 35:18Theo Von?

  I'm gonna come and do one.

• 35:19Speaker 02

  Please, I would love to have you. We will have a lot of fun.

• 35:21Theo Von?

  I'd love to be on there.

• 35:21Speaker 02

  It's really different. Like it's not just, you know, it's.

• 35:24Theo Von?

  Well, yeah, that's what I'm curious about. So like, yeah, because you're saying like it also involves improv. So what like, how does that kinda look or a little bit of like, where like?

• 35:32Speaker 02

  It's like nothing to is that we do and say is to be taken seriously. It's all just, we're doing shtick the whole time and we're like, we're in on the joke and it's like, but it's edited really fun. It's like edited in like little chunks and it's like, it's to look like it's on an old VHS tape. It's like, it's, it's really, I don't know. It's just something I just made up like a couple of years ago when we went on hiatus. I'm like, I wanna do something completely like solo that has like a really specific sensibility to it.

• 35:57Theo Von?

  Hmm.

• 35:57Speaker 02

  So it doesn't, I mean, this isn't a great pitch. It doesn't sound funny, but you know, it's really, it hasn't really.

• 36:02Theo Von?

  It's unique.

• 36:02Speaker 02

  I'm, I'm super excited for people to see it.

• 36:04Theo Von?

  You do a lot. I mean, those are your wheelhouses, you know, comedy and improv. And so to have some of that together, I think it definitely makes sense.

• 36:10Speaker 02

  How was, I mean.

• 36:11Theo Von?

  It sounds cool.

• 36:12Speaker 02

  If you, if you've talked about this enough, no problem, but like, how was your experience filming the movie and stuff? Did you guys improvise a lot on that?

• 36:18Theo Von?

  Um, I, I think I didn't know exactly what was going on, to be honest with you. Like, bro, until the day we showed up there on set.

• 36:26Speaker 02

  It's gotta be nerve wracking, right?

• 36:27Theo Von?

  I thought it was all emails. So the day we showed up on set, I was like, no way. Everybody was being real serious about this, you know? And it was a real movie. There's like people walking around. There's like one guy just looking for something.

• 36:37Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 36:37Theo Von?

  You know, there's like some guys like dressing somebody up like in a, uh, you know, a, um, outfit or whatever. You know, it's like, we need.

• 36:45Speaker 02

  You had the full trailer, like all that shit.

• 36:46Theo Von?

  Oh, everything. It was like electrical lines. It's like, don't, you know, and people.

• 36:50Speaker 02

  But you like, you, you funded it too? Like you guys made it yourself, right?

• 36:53Theo Von?

  We wrote it and funded it and everything.

• 36:55Speaker 02

  So isn't that like, how like nerve wracking was that? To like, be like, all right, whether we're gonna, this is gonna do well, gonna, gonna invest it back. But even the fact that you've never done that before and then to walk in on a production that like that size and then be at the like, the person running it, basically.

• 37:10Theo Von?

  That's a good question, dude. I think.

• 37:13Theo Von?

  Honestly, like, I kind of struggled with, like, that, you know, I want to be in, like, you know, I'm very particular about what I put out, in a way, like, I just, I wanted to try and be true to myself, however.

• 37:25Speaker 02

  Right.

• 37:26Theo Von?

  And it wasn't, like, bad or anything, it was just different, right? And I had, and I, and going back, I wish, in some places, I wish I would have spoke up more, and in some places, I wish I would have spoke up less.

• 37:35Speaker 02

  It's gonna be a learning experience. We made the one movie, and it was a learning experience for me. Like, I didn't like a lot, there's a lot of things I would change after it.

• 37:41Theo Von?

  But did a lot of people go see your movie, yeah?

• 37:43Speaker 02

  Yeah, it was out when COVID hit. We were in theaters when the world shut down. So, we were expanding, because, like, we were doing that, we had a great per-theater average. So, they didn't give us a wide, wide rollout, but we were, uh, we were the highest per-theater average, so it kept expanding week over week. So, we were heading into our fifth week, they were gonna give us, like, a few more weeks, and then it shut down, yeah, it's kind of nuts.

• 38:03Theo Von?

  But, yeah, I don't have a ton of ego in it, I think it was awesome, I learned so much.

• 38:07Speaker 02

  Did you have nerves, like, every day, or did that go away?

• 38:11Theo Von?

  No, I just...

• 38:14Speaker 02

  Because I would just be like...

• 38:16Theo Von?

  Did I have nerves? For sure, some scenes I did, some scenes I just got to be David's, I'm like the, uh, ball, I'm like, say if somebody's bouncing a ball off a wall, I'm kind of the wall, right?

• 38:26Speaker 02

  Sure, sure.

• 38:27Theo Von?

  And then, it kind of changed, over time, it changed a little bit, where I'm like, sometimes I'm catching the ball and throwing it back.

• 38:31Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 38:32Theo Von?

  So, I think it was just moments of confidence, um, when my confidence would feel okay.

• 38:37Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 38:37Theo Von?

  And, uh, and learning as I went. But, I mean, I'd take an act class over the years, I'd done a lot of practice scenes and shit, but, in the end, you just want to have fun with your buddy, and you want to come up with what's funny. So, we'd be sitting there improvising a lot, like, throwing ideas, it'd be like, we'll try this one, and then, sometimes you want to hold your idea, because you don't want to tell them, because you want to say it in real time.

• 38:55Speaker 02

  In real time, yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 38:56Theo Von?

  So, it's actually funny.

• 38:57Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. You did a lot of that?

• 39:00Theo Von?

  Yeah, but looking back, I think there's so many just little moments, like, just seeing, like, Spade, like, just trying to stay warm, because, we had a day, like, we were supposed to shoot during the co, during the, um, fires, the shit fucking, you know?

• 39:12Speaker 02

  Oh, dude, yeah.

• 39:13Theo Von?

  Whoever it was, somebody that Spencer Pratt hates, tried to burn down the Palisades, you know? And while all that shit was happening, you know?

• 39:21Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 39:22Theo Von?

  Our movie was supposed to shoot, but once you've already paid and got shit locked in, you're kind of locked in.

• 39:26Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah, for sure.

• 39:27Theo Von?

  And so we, like, one day there was, like, sixty mile per hour winds and we didn't need wind in the movie or whatever.

• 39:32Speaker 02

  Right, right, right. You had to, it has to be in it.

• 39:34Theo Von?

  We can't afford a redo, so.

• 39:35Speaker 02

  Right, right, right.

• 39:36Theo Von?

  You know, it's like, yeah, this day costs.

• 39:37Speaker 02

  Sixty mile out with.

• 39:38Theo Von?

  It's sixty mile an hour winds.

• 39:40Speaker 02

  This is a scene of you guys, like, in the park and there's a tornado for no reason. Like, you, you, do you make mention of it in the movie or is it just, like, whipping winds?

• 39:48Theo Von?

  Oh, there's just whipping winds this one. This one day at this gas station, um, the guy, uh, Stevie Januski, Steve Little, he's from, uh, Eastbound and Down.

• 39:58Speaker 02

  Oh, God, dude. He is the funniest guy.

• 40:02Theo Von?

  He is.

• 40:02Speaker 02

  I mean, that character, the, the outtakes from Eastbound and Down are the, I think, probably the greatest thing ever, ever on recording. You, you worked with him? How is he in real life?

• 40:12Theo Von?

  Oh, dude. I mean, it's literally like the nicest guy.

• 40:16Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah, yeah. He's so funny.

• 40:18Theo Von?

  It's all, like, for somebody that has such an effect, like, being funny, it's almost like he doesn't want to have too much of an effect in any other way. Not in, he just, he's a gentle guy. That's what I mean.

• 40:28Speaker 02

  Okay.

• 40:29Theo Von?

  He's a gentle guy. He doesn't, he's not trying to stir the pot or anything.

• 40:32Speaker 02

  Sure.

• 40:33Theo Von?

  But you [bleep] put him right there in the middle of the porch and cut those lights on and dang, it's, oh.

• 40:39Speaker 02

  He, he made, he had you laughing and stuff?

• 40:41Theo Von?

  It's a beautiful soup.

• 40:41Speaker 02

  Yeah, that's awesome, man.

• 40:44Theo Von?

  Yeah, just little things like that, I think, and looking back and like, um.

• 40:48Speaker 02

  So the, the fires delayed you?

• 40:51Theo Von?

  No, we just had to, like, move a little bit over this hill, you know, and I'm like, we'll probably be safe over this hill or whatever. And I'm like, that sounds.

• 40:58Speaker 02

  Oh, it was like during them?

• 41:00Theo Von?

  Well, yeah, yeah, that's, oh, yeah, it was during them.

• 41:02Speaker 02

  Oh, my God, dude. No, when you're like, it's, like, it's, shit was spreading across town, like.

• 41:08Theo Von?

  Yeah, there'd be times you'd be going across, yeah, and you'd see just, yeah.

• 41:11Speaker 02

  Oh, my God, dude.

• 41:12Theo Von?

  You'd see a bird fly by and he was on fire, whatever, you're like, dude. Stop, bro. He's like, I gotta get somewhere, you know? He's like, my wife's pissed or whatever. You're like, alright, just do it.

• 41:22Speaker 02

  Oh, man.

• 41:23Theo Von?

  But yeah, I didn't even think to say that, yeah, the fires were going on. So there'd be days you're driving home and shit's just all on fire everywhere.

• 41:30Speaker 02

  That's messed up.

• 41:31Theo Von?

  It was crazy.

• 41:32Speaker 02

  We had to, um, have, I, I executive produced this show that, that started, that came out this week, actually. It's called, uh, Foul Play with Anthony Davis, A.D., NBA player.

• 41:41Theo Von?

  Oh, yeah. He played for the Pelicans.

• 41:43Speaker 02

  He played, he's in the, he, I was, I, I think he's on Dallas now. He got traded from the Lakers.

• 41:48Theo Von?

  Oh, they traded him?

• 41:49Speaker 02

  Yeah, I think so. But, uh, but, um, so he has this show. It's like, it's like a punked almost, right? Uh, it started last week. We had to pull up, we had to pull, um, a bit from the first episode, 16 episodes. It just, uh, and it rated, it just aired. It rated like the highest new series on, on TBS in like years. But so we had this thing where Floyd Mayweather was the guest and he was helping us do this like prank on this person. So this, this family lost their house in a fire. This was before the fires.

• 42:18Theo Von?

  Okay.

• 42:18Speaker 02

  Family, like the, the setup was that this family lost their house in a fire. And Floyd Mayweather held this, uh, charity barbecue for them to get like, uh, like with the community, to get like their belongings back. So people brought them like gifts and stuff.

• 42:35Theo Von?

  Oh, that's beautiful, huh?

• 42:35Speaker 02

  So they got all their, um, like their housewares and things back. And like people are donating this stuff at the barbecue, at the charity barbecue. And then they, it, all their stuff catches fire from the barbecue and burns again. So like they just lost their home.

• 42:50Theo Von?

  I feel like I almost saw this, dude.

• 42:53Speaker 02

  It was the funniest thing ever. Uh, and Floyd, Floyd Mayweather is in on it. But then when they, then the fires happened, they're like, we're like, we can't, we can't put this in. It's like, oh, it's too insensitive. So they pulled it. But it was like, it was supposed to be in the first episode. It was really funny, but, uh.

• 43:08Theo Von?

  And Draymond Green was there?

• 43:09Speaker 02

  Yeah, he was in another one.

• 43:10Theo Von?

  He's always fighting. He's always hitting white dudes all the time.

• 43:13Speaker 02

  Is he? I don't know.

• 43:14Theo Von?

  He used to be anyway. He might have gotten healed or whatever. He might have gotten saved.

• 43:18Speaker 02

  Well, I, yeah, I haven't, I haven't heard much about him hitting, hitting, uh.

• 43:21Theo Von?

  He was just hitting whites or off-whites or whatever. You know, he's hitting like mixed dudes. It was like, it was like mixed and down, you know? It just seemed like a lot of times he wouldn't crack like a real, solid black dude. Uh, now I will say that, bro, and respect him. He's a champion and he, he whooped my ass. But he, uh, he definitely punched, mixed and down, I think, you know? But dude, that's so cool. What's Anthony Davis like? Does he have a big personality?

• 43:47Speaker 02

  Yeah, he's dope. He's really fun. The reason we ended up doing this because he was a guest on our show. And we did a bunch of stuff with him. And then he was like, I love this. He's like, I love this more than basketball. He's like, this is what I really want to do. Swear to God. He's like, this is what, this is where I really wish I could do. And we're like, why don't we develop something together? And then we did and got picked up.

• 44:07Theo Von?

  Foul play?

• 44:08Speaker 02

  Foul play.

• 44:09Theo Von?

  That's awesome. So people can watch this on TBS?

• 44:11Speaker 02

  Yeah, it's on every week now.

• 44:13Theo Von?

  Dude, that's great, bro. I'll share something about it as soon as our show's over.

• 44:16Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah. Dude. We got, and I told you, I start filming Jokers again in two days, season 13. Crazy.

• 44:24Theo Von?

  So Minusha is the podcast?

• 44:26Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 44:26Theo Von?

  Podcast improv show?

• 44:28Speaker 02

  I think it's like a talk show.

• 44:29Theo Von?

  Okay.

• 44:29Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 44:30Theo Von?

  It's a talk show and that's just gonna be on YouTube?

• 44:32Speaker 02

  Yeah. Well, we're gonna pitch it. We're gonna, you know, try to sell it, but you know.

• 44:36Theo Von?

  YouTube's great.

• 44:36Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah, yeah. We're doing YouTube.

• 44:38Theo Von?

  And YouTube like just on YouTube and now you're like, it better be on YouTube.

• 44:41Speaker 02

  Yeah, for sure. Yeah, yeah.

• 44:45Theo Von?

  Dude, yeah, that's great. You're staying so busy. Do you feel kind of overwhelmed?

• 44:48Speaker 02

  Yeah. Yeah. I haven't, I had another kid since I saw you last.

• 44:53Theo Von?

  Dude, remember last time, dude?

• 44:55Speaker 02

  Yeah, man. Yeah. You know why? I get talked to so much about, about my appearance on here last time and the clip of me talking about my daughter.

• 45:02Theo Von?

  Oh, yeah.

• 45:03Speaker 02

  It was like, it was pretty dope.

• 45:04Theo Von?

  Let's play it. I want to see it. Yeah, I just want to feel something today.

• 45:09Speaker 02

  If you remember, I hadn't spoken about my, anything in public prior to this. Your show now is like, it's like news, it's the news media now. Like this is, you know, this is literally.

• 45:20Theo Von?

  Two guys trying to decide if they have testicular.

• 45:23Speaker 02

  I'm like, all right. So I was like, let's, you know, I talked about it on my own terms with you. I felt comfortable. I'm like, you know, you were like, you take it out. If you want, like, just leave it, just put it out and have it. And ever since then, it's been like a new thing for me because like, it's out in the open now. Now my new hour that I'm touring with, like I talk about my family, my kids. I never did that before.

• 45:41Theo Von?

  Take me through some of that. Will you honestly just talk, like honestly, Sal, like just tell me like, yeah, because I think there's like, there's probably parts in all of our lives where we're afraid to talk about something.

• 45:49Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 45:49Theo Von?

  Or afraid to talk about it. And then it ends up being different on the other side. Because yeah, I think you were, uh, yeah, let's just, we'll take a peek at it really quick. We can always take this out.

• 45:59Speaker 03

  Inexpressible pure happiness and joy that you feel like you are.

• 46:07Speaker 02

  I love the music in the background.

• 46:09Theo Von?

  I don't know why.

• 46:14Theo Von?

  Damn, I'm crying.

• 46:17Theo Von?

  That's good. That's good, man. Why do they put the music like that was a little morose?

• 46:22Speaker 02

  Yeah, it was. It felt like, yeah.

• 46:24Theo Von?

  It felt like the beginning of Castlevania. Remember that game?

• 46:27Speaker 02

  Yeah, that's the music.

• 46:29Theo Von?

  Yeah, like, come on, this guy's like.

• 46:30Speaker 02

  On the one two player screen is like, yeah, in the beginning.

• 46:33Theo Von?

  With the whip, the guy has a whip. That was a gay player, dude. That's like when a gay guy kind of gets trapped and like, like, fuck it, at a Halloween party in New Jersey, dude. That's what Castlevania was because it's just this dude just running around with a whip.

• 46:47Speaker 02

  That wasn't like the, like the, the most popular clip. What happened was a lot of parenting, like accounts, like Instagram accounts and then they picked that up and inspirational accounts. And there was a different clip and that it just went like so, so viral. And then because your show is like so big, like, like us weekly and.

• 47:07Theo Von?

  Did they really?

• 47:07Speaker 02

  All those people and all that stuff picked up. It's like Sal's secret wedding. And it's like, well, it wasn't really a secret. I just didn't like tell you guys I got married. It was like a secret wedding.

• 47:17Theo Von?

  But that's kind of hot, though. That kind of makes it kind of hot for you and Francesca that it's just like, oh, it's a secret wedding. That had some allure to it. Oh, in Practical Digger's Star, Sal reveals,

• 47:29Theo Von?

  he secretly got married and has a baby daughter. Bro, that makes you sound like a fucking rapper.

• 47:36Theo Von?

  Bro, that's crazy.

• 47:37Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 47:38Theo Von?

  But dude.

• 47:39Speaker 02

  I have a boy now, too.

• 47:40Theo Von?

  No.

• 47:41Speaker 02

  It's the best, dude. It's the best.

• 47:42Theo Von?

  Is he?

• 47:43Speaker 02

  Yeah, he's so dope.

• 47:44Theo Von?

  Oh.

• 47:45Speaker 02

  He's awesome, man.

• 47:46Theo Von?

  What's his name?

• 47:50Theo Von?

  Bro, if it would have been any other name, I would not have been excited. Dude, that's so cool, man.

• 47:57Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah.

• 47:58Theo Von?

  But did it feel like I want to, I want to hear about him?

• 48:00Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 48:01Theo Von?

  Well, yeah, tell me, what do you love about ****? What's, what it's something that's just like?

• 48:04Speaker 02

  You know, so cool. It's like, um, so I went through everything with my daughter and then like.

• 48:10Speaker 02

  She's like three and a half now. He's about 16 months and like you, you, you, it goes so fast. It's so nice to get to do it over again. Cause those moments that when they're that young are so fleeting. They change. They're growing so fast. They're like it's a new thing all the time and it goes lightning fast. And you try the best you can to savor it. But it's like it's, it's, it goes so fast. So then to, to just start from scratch again. And then like the first time, it's all firsts for you and the kid, right? So it's like you're processing all this stuff. And then so the second time you have like a, you have this foundation and an idea and you know what to look for already. So you could kind of experience it. In a different way, you just experience it like a little bit more. You're able to really absorb it. Cause it's not like you're like a deer in the headlights.

• 48:54Theo Von?

  Oh, I see.

• 48:55Speaker 02

  And so it's

• 48:55Theo Von?

  It's like you're playing hot potato the whole time.

• 48:57Speaker 02

  Yeah, exactly. And it's like you just, and you just, um, it's just really nice to.

• 49:03Speaker 02

  Those, those stages are the ones that, you know, parents are always like, oh, if I could have my kids back at that age again, you know? So it was like nice to get like a double dip in there.

• 49:11Theo Von?

  That's cool.

• 49:11Speaker 02

  And, uh, and just watch them grow like interact and, and watch their relationship together build. Like the kids, there's nothing that that's the, when they're like sitting on the couch together, leaning on each other, just eating fruit, you know, like, and he'll just crawl up on the couch and put his head on her shoulder. While she's just like eating something and they just sit there like, and then you walk into the room and you see them just cuddling each other, whatever.

• 49:33Theo Von?

  Yeah.

• 49:33Speaker 02

  It's like, come on, man. There's like literally nothing close to this.

• 49:37Theo Von?

  Oh, that's so cute.

• 49:38Speaker 02

  I get right in between them, you know, they get on, you know, it just. But if the best thing I could do is just have my kids in my lap, just holding them, you know, like just watching like just. Yes.

• 49:48Theo Von?

  I know it's, I bet it's almost like as you almost, I bet can't, I bet you almost feels like you can't even let them know how much you love them.

• 49:54Speaker 02

  It's impossible. It's impossible.

• 49:56Theo Von?

  That's kind of a crazy thing. If you think about it, that there's something inside of us, even just as humans, right? Where you, I couldn't even let you know how much I love you if, if I had, like it's impossible for me to.

• 50:08Speaker 02

  It's, it's, it's, it's impossible. I don't know how to express it. Yeah.

• 50:13Theo Von?

  And you, do you feel like that's probably a feeling for most parents?

• 50:16Speaker 02

  It has to be. I think it's an innate feeling.

• 50:18Theo Von?

  Right. So, so in, in, I'm not trying to, but I'm, I, I, I forget sometimes if I don't share what I'm feeling. So that to me just shows us how powerful love must be if we can't even. If like as human beings, just as like citizens in the world.

• 50:31Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 50:32Theo Von?

  We can't even if like the love that you would have for your child, you can't even express.

• 50:37Speaker 02

  It can't be expressed.

• 50:38Theo Von?

  It can't even expressed.

• 50:39Speaker 02

  Although, nothing will do it justice. There's no way to like actually encapsulate it.

• 50:44Theo Von?

  It's pretty powerful because the other things you can express, a lot of other feelings like anger, hatred, you know, like um.

• 50:50Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 50:51Theo Von?

  Uh affection or like um, look up some other feelings, sorry.

• 50:59Speaker 02

  Would you stop showing a three?

• 51:03Theo Von?

  You're like happy, mad, what else?

• 51:07Theo Von?

  Um confused, cranky, I mean, all these other things.

• 51:10Speaker 02

  But this is so, you know, so I didn't mean to cut you off.

• 51:12Theo Von?

  No, no, go on, you're coming off, but you get what I'm saying though? Isn't it crazy that we can't even, that it's, love is such a powerful thing, we can't, it's bigger than us even as humans. Because we're not able to convey, you know what I'm saying? We can't.

• 51:25Speaker 02

  Yeah, and that is pinging in my heart at all times, like I, you know, when you're like, your heart melts. You're not feeling like sometimes just in the moment, you see something or like whatever and you're like, your heart like melts a little bit. So what this is like is that like the melting feeling is constant.

• 51:42Theo Von?

  Oh.

• 51:42Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah. So like just fully, it doesn't stop.

• 51:45Theo Von?

  Walking around with a mop?

• 51:46Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah, dude, it just doesn't stop. It's like continually melting the whole time. If they're, you know, I talked about something, if they're even in the room with me, just something changes, you know, that's it, it's just, it's wow. But um.

• 51:58Theo Von?

  Yeah, I remember you saying that dude. Yeah, it was just, that was, that was awesome to hear about.

• 52:01Speaker 02

  And it's so, it's so cute to see them like, like, see those, you just had up those, those color coded things? So my daughter, she goes to like occupational therapy and she, to learn about, like to process this stuff and her feelings. So they teach her this stuff and so she, she knows all these, these color coded emotions. So when she comes home and she's having like a, because they're gonna, you know, they're gonna have these like these, it's inevitable for them to, like when they grow up to have these like um. You know, their tantrums and this, they have to work through all this. It's not like you have a bad kid if they're like, if they act out, like they're gonna be crazy at two and three years old.

• 52:36Theo Von?

  Right, because they're, all these feelings are slowly are getting baked in them.

• 52:39Speaker 02

  Their brains getting developed and they don't know how to, you know.

• 52:41Theo Von?

  It's like the first time you get on a Lime scooter, you're like, you know, you're just fucking taking that bitch for a spin.

• 52:44Speaker 02

  That was like the first time I got on one.

• 52:46Theo Von?

  Yeah.

• 52:46Speaker 02

  Yeah, it was like, I didn't know what was going on.

• 52:48Theo Von?

  Yeah.

• 52:48Speaker 02

  But she'll tell me, like if she's like upset, she'll be like, dad. I'm in the blue zone right now. They call the blue zone. She's like, Dad, I'm in the blue zone right now. And I'm like, you're upset? She's like, yeah, I'm sad. I'm in the blue zone. She's like, I I need to get to the green zone. Like, this is how she speaks to me. I'm like, let's do it. What do you need to get into that green zone? Let's do it. She's dope, man. They're like my, you know, best little best friends.

• 53:11Theo Von?

  Dude, that's so cool, though. Also, for a kid, even just to be able to like, well, just to have a, instead of just having a feeling, have a thought about a feeling, right?

• 53:18Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 53:19Theo Von?

  Okay.

• 53:19Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 53:20Theo Von?

  Well, what is, so it's, it just adds so much more to you.

• 53:23Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's unreal.

• 53:24Theo Von?

  You're not just a victim of how you feel. There's a little bit more like, okay, well, let me reckon.

• 53:29Speaker 02

  Like, I start thinking in a way that's just not just basic. It's like, think about, like, at the end of the day, we, when she goes to bed, we always discuss the day. So we talk about, like, I'll sing her a song, and in the song, with the song I sing her every night, I made, I made it up myself, just naturally it came out, you know, and then I started adding verses to it, and now I sing this whole song. And the song, the whole point of that song is, I love you, I love you so much that you'll never know how much I love you. Like, that's literally what it is. But then we talk about the day, and, and then I'll say, like, you know, what, you know, what were you most proud of today? So like, she's three, but to get her thinking like that, like, not just like, what'd you do today, but what were you the most proud of today? It positions her mind to think that way, and then like, build our

• 54:11Speaker 02

  confidence of it. This stuff, like, there's so much parenting stuff and psychology, child psychology, all that stuff. It's fascinating. And it's like, you know, it's the most important job you'll ever have, you know?

• 54:20Theo Von?

  Yeah.

• 54:20Speaker 02

  So I like, take it, like, you know, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's great to, it's hard, but it's like, it's really fun to, to raise, to raise a human being. It's, it's like, it's so, it's so, it's an honor, you know, like, it's a real honor.

• 54:33Theo Von?

  Dude, that's pretty cool to be able to think out, think about it like that.

• 54:36Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 54:38Speaker 04

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• 55:07Theo Von?

  I'm here to tell you about a, a social app or atmosphere or website about that I really love and it is Shopify. Shopify is hands down the best place to start and grow a business. Shopify makes it so just a small business can be a business for everybody if you want it to. Shopify is the platform where you really own everything, your store, your community, your customers and your data. That's what's most important. Shopify is the commerce platform where you don't have to build your business on borrowed land. With Shopify, the customer relationship is yours. It's where I turned our idea into an actual business. We've been

• 55:51Theo Von?

  using them for years with our merch store and they have all the tools you need to help your business grow. They'll do it. Shopify will do it. They'll get you from a business that's just yours and get out to everybody. You know, in the old days, if you wanted to expand your business, you had to get a slingshot or whatever to deliver something or just tie it to a damn dog's back and let him run off with it and just be hopeful. Thought about starting a business? This is your sign. Get started today at Shopify.com/Leo. Go to Shopify.com/Leo. If I can do it, you can do it. This episode is sponsored by BetterHelp.

• 56:31Theo Von?

  Did you know that 88% of Americans say they are feeling some form of financial stress at the start of 2026? Of course you knew that. We all, I mean, who doesn't know that? Money worries, yep, they can bring on anxiety, sleep disruption, depression and even just a general rattling of the bones. They're one of the leading sources of conflict amongst couples.

• 56:58Theo Von?

  If you relate to that, remember it's not just you. And what matters is finding the right kind of support. That's what always matters. And that's where BetterHelp comes in. BetterHelp therapists work according to a strict code of conduct and are fully licensed in the U.S. BetterHelp does the initial matching work for you so you can just focus on your time with your therapist and your therapy goals. When life feels overwhelming, therapy can help. Sign up and get 10% off at betterhelp.com/theo. That's better H E L P dot com slash Theo. Betterhelp.com/theo. And do they ever, like, if they get in trouble, they're like, "Give me a punishment, Dad."

• 57:42Theo Von?

  Like, do they ever make you give them, like, something that's just like-

• 57:44Speaker 02

  No, they're too young for that.

• 57:45Theo Von?

  Like, "Send me out in a traffic or something." Put a earpiece in my ear.

• 57:48Speaker 02

  We don't do punishments yet, yeah, yeah. No, no, it's more about just managing, you know, just managing their behavior, but it's like, yeah.

• 57:56Theo Von?

  Yeah, they just like-

• 58:00Theo Von?

  Yeah, what was it, but what was it like, so after you kind of shared that you had a family, you kind of had, or that your family was growing, right? And sometimes, you know, I know you had said, like, and it's not always everybody. You want to keep certain things that are just your own life, right?

• 58:12Speaker 02

  Yeah, stuff, I was, I mean, I'm private, I was always private, so once you give it away-

• 58:16Theo Von?

  Did it feel different?

• 58:17Speaker 02

  It felt like a weight lifted.

• 58:19Theo Von?

  It did?

• 58:19Speaker 02

  It did.

• 58:19Theo Von?

  And has it been a positive thing, or do you, or just like, yeah, has it been like, okay? Does it feel, because trying to also protect everything all the time, it's also kind of, it's a lot of stress.

• 58:29Speaker 02

  That, that took a lot. It took a lot to keep things to myself and not, you know, like, not let things get out. When I'm out in public with them, you know, like, because everyone has a camera now and everything, you're always got this, like, bird, like a worry, you know? Because I want to, I won't ever post my kids online, like, I want to shield them from that. But just, it was just about protecting them. But people would chill with it, and like, now that it's out there, it's like, it feels like I could just freely talk about it, it feels good, yeah. It feels good, it was like, you know, I'm glad I did it, yeah.

• 59:01Theo Von?

  What was one of the tough experiences that you had with your first child? Was there like a time that would like, you know, because like, the other day, my buddy Kevin and his wife, they like, I think maybe their kid like, ate like a thing, a little bit of guacamole or something? I think his ears like swollen up or whatever.

• 59:20Speaker 02

  Dude, that's scary shit.

• 59:21Theo Von?

  And they're like, shit, he's allergic to like Mexican shit or whatever, you know? So then like.

• 59:25Speaker 02

  No, you never know.

• 59:26Theo Von?

  But you don't want to run your kid into the hospital and sound racist like, hey, I think he's allergic to like Mexican.

• 59:31Speaker 02

  Yeah, well, Mexican flavors.

• 59:32Theo Von?

  Mexican flavors, yeah, yeah, yeah, that's what I meant, aguacate stuff.

• 59:35Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah, I don't think that anyone would take it as like, you know, any a slight against any Mexican people.

• 59:40Theo Von?

  People are trying to look for an edge all the time.

• 59:42Speaker 02

  They are, yeah.

• 59:42Theo Von?

  And I think they.

• 59:43Speaker 02

  I would be sort of specified.

• 59:44Theo Von?

  Yeah, me too.

• 59:45Speaker 02

  It's the ingredients.

• 59:46Theo Von?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 59:47Speaker 02

  They happen to be, they happen to be all Mexican cuisine, but I don't know what that.

• 59:50Theo Von?

  Yeah, they happen to use it best.

• 59:52Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 59:53Theo Von?

  But yeah, and I think these have been bought from like maybe a Latin vendor, it could have been a Puerto Rican guy. Who knows? It could have been, um, yeah.

• 1:00:00Speaker 02

  That's the craziest thing though, like when they.

• 1:00:02Theo Von?

  But yeah, so.

• 1:00:03Speaker 02

  If they get hurt or something like that.

• 1:00:05Theo Von?

  So they ran them, yeah, so but they're like, they don't know what's going on, you're like, you know, Max, he is swollen up, you know, he's allergic to watching La Bamba or whatever. I'm like, I don't think that's the problem.

• 1:00:14Speaker 02

  Would you balance?

• 1:00:15Theo Von?

  But anyway, yeah. But anyway, what I'm saying is, sorry, what is wrong with me? Why can't I say what I'm saying? What I'm saying is that it threw my buddy for like a, it was crazy. You know, I saw him like, it was like, he was so freaked out.

• 1:00:27Speaker 02

  Dude, I, I sometimes they'll fall, like hit their mouth and start bleeding or something. You see, when you see blood on your kid, it's like, and you have to be like so chill. You have to dictate the tone so they don't, you know, then they understand. Yeah, I mean, that's the best way to do it, to keep them even tempered and like, they're going to reflect your energy and, and, and they're going to react the way you teach them to react to some stuff. So you always got to try and play it even keeled and like not make a big thing of stuff like that so that they're able to handle situations themselves better, you know? But it is nuts, dude, like, oh, one time I was like, you're trying to cut my son's nails. Like, you know, you got to clip that like, and like, they don't, kids, they don't stay still. And dude, I clipped a little piece of the, at the end of his finger. Like, and he started just bleeding everywhere.

• 1:01:12Speaker 02

  Dude, I almost, I didn't know what I was gonna do to myself after that. I was like so, and then one time he walked-

• 1:01:18Theo Von?

  It's like what Van Gogh did to his brother.

• 1:01:20Speaker 02

  He did?

• 1:01:21Theo Von?

  Yeah. He clipped, I think he might have cut his ear off or something, never mind.

• 1:01:24Speaker 02

  No, Van Gogh cut his own ear off, but I didn't know he clipped anything on his brother. So, maybe everyone in the family was missing something in there.

• 1:01:33Speaker 02

  Dude, did you know Pablo Picasso died like a couple of years ago?

• 1:01:36Theo Von?

  Bro, did you see that clip?

• 1:01:38Speaker 02

  Yeah, I did.

• 1:01:39Theo Von?

  What were our friends told? This is Gary Vi, uh, Gary-

• 1:01:42Speaker 02

  Oh, Vitor was with me this week.

• 1:01:44Theo Von?

  It was?

• 1:01:44Speaker 02

  Oh, it was Vitor, okay. I was talking with him. He's the one who told me, yeah, we were talking in the car, actually. And he's like, dude-

• 1:01:51Theo Von?

  Bring it up, let's bring that clip up.

• 1:01:52Speaker 02

  I mean, it was fifty years ago, but like, I thought Picasso was like from the eight- And he told me, we're in the car, he's like, "Do you know this?" And I was like, "No." He's like, "Dude, he was, he was like alive when we were born."

• 1:02:03Theo Von?

  Yeah, I think one of the part of it is, did you know that Picasso probably ate at Outback Steakhouse?

• 1:02:08Speaker 02

  Yeah, right, right, right.

• 1:02:10Theo Von?

  That's insane.

• 1:02:11Speaker 02

  I never put that together, yeah, yeah.

• 1:02:13Theo Von?

  Oh, yes, it's Joe List, sorry, sorry, my bad.

• 1:02:16Speaker 05

  You guys know this, Pablo Picasso, you know when he died? He died in nineteen seventy-three.

• 1:02:23Speaker 05

  Did you know that? I thought he died in thirteen eighty.

• 1:02:27Speaker 05

  I almost shit, nineteen seventy-three? Picasso had a car?

• 1:02:34Speaker 05

  Is that unbelievable? Pablo Picasso was driving around Spain in like a Honda Civic, listening to Black Sabbath on the radio.

• 1:02:42Speaker 02

  That's crazy.

• 1:02:43Speaker 05

  Ozzy Osbourne and Pablo Picasso were working at the same time.

• 1:02:50Speaker 05

  He saw six Super Bowls.

• 1:02:55Speaker 05

  I thought he looked like he was relaxed, the guy's like-

• 1:02:58Speaker 02

  Oh, List is the best.

• 1:02:59Theo Von?

  That's good. Yeah, dude, he's so great. He was in a great movie that Louis made too, man.

• 1:03:03Speaker 02

  Yes.

• 1:03:03Theo Von?

  Shout out Joe List, that movie was great. They did a good job. Such talented guys. Um, that was a great bit.

• 1:03:10Speaker 02

  I got, I got, I got something. So I, I wanna try and find these people. Maybe this can, saying that here can help me. Alright, I got this, I got a story for you.

• 1:03:17Theo Von?

  Yeah.

• 1:03:18Speaker 02

  I told, so this, uh, last night, we talked about this last night, just came out and it was a story that I forgot about. And I'm like, I'll talk to Theo about it, maybe I could get, so, uh, in 1995, I was at the Salvation Army with my buddy Joe. And we found a VHS cassette, right? And it was like a home, a home one, not like a movie like you buy, like a, you know, a home, like a blank.

• 1:03:40Theo Von?

  Okay.

• 1:03:41Speaker 02

  I had a, a label on it and, uh, it said, um, uh, A- Amy and Stu Shankman's wedding.

• 1:03:49Theo Von?

  Oh.

• 1:03:50Speaker 02

  And it was, uh, I'm gonna maybe get the exact date wrong, but let's say it said like November 25th, 1995. It said, I'm sorry, it said November 25th, uh, 1985.

• 1:04:01Theo Von?

  Okay.

• 1:04:02Speaker 02

  Right? It said, Stu and Amy Shankman's wedding, November 25th, 1985. That day that we picked it up was November 25th, 1995. So I found this blank cassette of this people's wedding on their 10 year anniversary. Now, back then, you got, if you had your wedding taped on VHS, that's where it was. That's it. Like that was the copy.

• 1:04:23Theo Von?

  Yeah.

• 1:04:24Speaker 02

  And this was handwritten. So it's like, I think they accidentally got rid of, like, they don't have their wedding video.

• 1:04:31Theo Von?

  Right. So Amy and Stu Shankman do not have their wedding video?

• 1:04:33Speaker 02

  Right. And I, and we picked it up on the exact, we were like, holy shit, 50 cents, we bought it. We went home and watched their whole wedding, right? It's amazing. It's, it's a, a wedding from 1985. It's, it's a, it's a Jewish wedding from 1985. The best man, this little, little short guy, Yama, he does, he does his, in his best man speech, he raps.

• 1:04:53Theo Von?

  Yeah.

• 1:04:54Speaker 02

  I swear to God. And I, I'll know, I mean, I've, at this point, I've watched it.

• 1:04:57Theo Von?

  Was it Beastie Boys?

• 1:04:57Speaker 02

  Dozens of times. No, he raps his own rap.

• 1:05:01Theo Von?

  Oh.

• 1:05:02Speaker 02

  And, and now this is the part, this, I'll never, I know, cause I watched it, he's like, he's, he's jumping up and down. And he's like, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha. We're gonna party tonight. We're gonna jump up and down. It's never gonna end. This is, was the rap. So. It's an amazing wedding. I swear to God. It's an amazing wedding. And, uh, and I've watched it over the years. I've had people over. We put it on. I watch it, this, this and that. About maybe five years after that, I met my friend Joe. We're in a gas station. He's getting gas in his car. And he's like, Sal. And I'm like, what? He goes, look at that car right there. And there's a car that's like pulling out of the gas station. He's like, look, look, look in the car. Who do you think that is? And I look and I go, is that fucking Stu Shankman?

• 1:05:43Theo Von?

  No way.

• 1:05:43Speaker 02

  I don't know this guy from a hole in the wall.

• 1:05:44Theo Von?

  Right.

• 1:05:44Speaker 02

  He's like, I think it's Stu Shankman. So I'm like, oh shit. And he's pulled out and my friend had to finish paying the gas. And we jumped in the car, peeled out and tried to follow him.

• 1:05:52Theo Von?

  Yeah.

• 1:05:52Speaker 02

  And we lost him.

• 1:05:53Theo Von?

  Oh.

• 1:05:54Speaker 02

  Okay. So, fast forward.

• 1:05:56Theo Von?

  I hate losing people.

• 1:05:57Speaker 02

  I hate, I, especially in a chase.

• 1:05:59Theo Von?

  Yeah.

• 1:06:00Speaker 02

  Uh, so then, uh, I never gave, I, I, I have this wedding video. I still have it.

• 1:06:07Theo Von?

  You have a piece of their life. You have a piece of one of the greatest moments of their life.

• 1:06:10Speaker 02

  Uh, yeah, right? So, so about two years ago, I'm like, we gotta find these people.

• 1:06:15Theo Von?

  Searching for Stu Shankman.

• 1:06:16Speaker 02

  It's that, yes. And we got, we gotta see if, like, what's, I gotta get them this video. So, my friend found his brother or something on Facebook and confirmed, like, we were like, who knows if they're dead, if they're still together, what, what's going on? So he reached out. He said that, told them we got at a thrift store, we found their wedding video in 1995. Like, I've had, I've had their wedding video for 31 years.

• 1:06:39Theo Von?

  Oh.

• 1:06:40Speaker 02

  I, I have it. For 31 years, I've had their wedding video. They've been married. This will be their 41st anniversary this year. Their brother's like, they're still alive and together.

• 1:06:50Theo Von?

  No way.

• 1:06:50Speaker 02

  I swear to God. He's like, this is insane. You gotta, like, yes, so I'll, let's broker this.

• 1:06:54Theo Von?

  Yeah.

• 1:06:55Speaker 02

  So, I, I had the idea a couple of years ago when I was developing a TV show. And so this was an idea for one episode of this TV show where I like do things like this. And so that's when we decided to reach out. Anyway. I didn't finish developing the show and I kind of forgot about him. And I thought of it last night and I brought it up and I was like, oh shit, in this brother's eyes, we contacted him, we're like, yo, we have their wedding video and we want to get it to you. And then we went radio silent again. He's like, why do these people do this, you know, to me and my family? So I'm like, I gotta, I gotta remember, I gotta, I gotta find him and I want to get him the video. So I feel like if, if, if anyone knows, I think they, they were originally from Staten Island.

• 1:07:35Speaker 02

  They, and so Stu and Amy Shankman, and I have your wedding video for the last 31 years. And I want to give it to you. I did digitize a copy of it for myself.

• 1:07:47Theo Von?

  Yeah.

• 1:07:47Speaker 02

  Because I, when I thought I was gonna give it back, I was like, I, I won't share it with anyone, but I, I know it's, it's also a piece of me now.

• 1:07:53Theo Von?

  It's find us fee.

• 1:07:54Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, exactly. So I have it, so, so.

• 1:07:57Theo Von?

  Yeah, we gotta find, you gotta search him for the Shankmans dude, because there's something special about that. I know, I, I used to know a guy named Alex Shankman. Um, I knew a couple Shankmans.

• 1:08:07Speaker 02

  Oh, I know a Shankman too, actually.

• 1:08:09Theo Von?

  There was an agent I knew, I think it was.

• 1:08:11Speaker 02

  I actually know a Shankman.

• 1:08:12Theo Von?

  I knew a Shankman.

• 1:08:13Speaker 02

  I, I don't think they're related, but I know, you just remind me, I think he's like a choreographer.

• 1:08:19Theo Von?

  Yeah, there's, there's a lot of things out there.

• 1:08:21Speaker 02

  Is there a famous Shankman choreographer?

• 1:08:23Theo Von?

  Especially in Hollywood.

• 1:08:26Speaker 02

  Adam Shankman. Adam Shankman.

• 1:08:29Theo Von?

  I didn't know Adam.

• 1:08:30Speaker 02

  I just realized for the first time, I know a Shankman.

• 1:08:32Theo Von?

  The Shankman. Hey, you know a Shankman? Yeah. Dude, that's wild.

• 1:08:37Speaker 02

  So I hope I find him.

• 1:08:39Theo Von?

  Well, I hope that you find him also. Stu and Amy, the guy's been holding you, loving, you know, the guy's been watching you. One of the greatest moments of your life in his spare time on the L train or whatever. So.

• 1:08:52Speaker 02

  Right, yeah.

• 1:08:53Theo Von?

  Dude, do you think, there, there's really something could be a cool show out there to make or create? People say this shit all the time, but, um, of like something about finding old things on VHS and then.

• 1:09:05Speaker 02

  Yeah, like found footage. Yeah.

• 1:09:07Theo Von?

  Dude, I worked with this one comedian. There had been like the, one of those Nigerian scams that had happened to his grandmother. And they'd taken a lot of her money, right? You know, those things that email you.

• 1:09:15Speaker 02

  Yeah, the prince.

• 1:09:15Theo Von?

  Like I'm trapped in a, a petting zoo in Nigeria or something. They won't let me out or whatever. Send the money. So to get him back, he started doing these things where he would send them.

• 1:09:27Theo Von?

  Videos of things and he said, if you do, I need you to do reenactments of this. And then I'll pay you for it. But instead, he would just have him do the reenactment and then he would just post the video online, right?

• 1:09:37Speaker 02

  No.

• 1:09:38Theo Von?

  But the best part was what he would send him was he would send him scenes from Seinfeld, right? So he would send like scenes from Seinfeld to like some people in Africa, like in this random village. And they would reenact the scenes.

• 1:09:49Speaker 02

  No.

• 1:09:49Theo Von?

  Yeah. And he had all these amazing.

• 1:09:51Speaker 02

  You gotta be kidding me.

• 1:09:52Theo Von?

  He had all these amazing video clips, dude.

• 1:09:54Speaker 02

  Oh, my God. Of an African village reenacting like Master of My Domain?

• 1:09:59Theo Von?

  Yes. Or the parking one, like they had all these different ones that he was reenacting. It was pretty great, dude. And so eventually it healed him. He's like, okay, at a certain point, we're kind of even, you know? But dude, that, cause comedians can hold some grudges over the years. But yeah, I've always been a little bit of a collector. You find something, you save it. You're like, ah, maybe I'm supposed to have this.

• 1:10:18Speaker 02

  You told me one time, I don't know if you remember this, you told me one time, I, in hindsight now, I realized you were probably joking, but you were like, yeah, I have a marble notebook with the name of every person I've ever slept with in it.

• 1:10:29Theo Von?

  Oh, damn, really?

• 1:10:31Speaker 02

  Yeah. And I'm like, get out of here. He's like, I, I, you, I'm like, yeah.

• 1:10:35Theo Von?

  A marble notebook?

• 1:10:36Speaker 02

  Oh, you said you had a notebook. I, I remember in my head, I projected it was like a mead.

• 1:10:42Speaker 02

  Like a school notebook. You're like, yeah, and I've written it down my whole life. And I'm like, you gotta be fucking kidding me. And you're like, no, I know, I know the exact number of people I've slept with.

• 1:10:51Theo Von?

  Really?

• 1:10:52Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah, yeah. So you, you were fucking with me, I'm sure, but.

• 1:10:54Theo Von?

  I was, I was always kind of a documenter of things.

• 1:10:58Speaker 02

  The number, and I, I remember the number you said. I do, yeah. Cause it's really funny. It's really funny.

• 1:11:05Theo Von?

  I, this is the only part, I can't believe that I would say something like this, but I want to hear it.

• 1:11:07Speaker 02

  You want to know what he told me? I said, he said, I have every single name. I never missed a name. And I was like, you know the exact number you slept with. He said, yeah, I'm like, how many? He said about a thousand fifty.

• 1:11:20Speaker 02

  Yeah. And then you're like, I'm not good at it, but it was a thousand fifty, which is like, and I was hysterical.

• 1:11:25Theo Von?

  That's insane.

• 1:11:26Speaker 02

  I was like, no one, I mean, it's like Will Chamberlain.

• 1:11:28Theo Von?

  Yeah, yeah. Yeah, that's insane, dude. Yeah. I don't even know if it was me, but I, I believe that I could have said this.

• 1:11:35Speaker 02

  You told me this.

• 1:11:36Theo Von?

  Oh, I did? Good. Good.

• 1:11:38Speaker 02

  Oh shit.

• 1:11:39Theo Von?

  I'm glad that at least I was.

• 1:11:40Speaker 02

  You don't have a, I mean, your real number is not anywhere close to that. That's crazy talk.

• 1:11:44Theo Von?

  That's insane. Oh dude, yeah. I mean.

• 1:11:46Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:11:46Theo Von?

  I've always liked.

• 1:11:47Speaker 02

  A thousand fifty is, it's the perfect.

• 1:11:50Theo Von?

  It's really the perfect number to say too, because it's like, to go over a thousand within the year fifty.

• 1:11:56Speaker 02

  It's great.

• 1:11:56Theo Von?

  Yeah. Thousand and eight.

• 1:11:58Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 1:11:59Theo Von?

  Dude, I remember when I was growing up, they had this kid, his brother had slept with like twelve women or something. People were fucking losing their minds in our town.

• 1:12:06Speaker 02

  Yeah, cuz.

• 1:12:07Theo Von?

  People were cutting down trees and fucking tickling people they shouldn't touch and shit like that.

• 1:12:11Speaker 02

  That shit like that will affect you.

• 1:12:12Theo Von?

  Oh dude, yeah.

• 1:12:13Speaker 02

  When you know, when you, when you have like, when you're, when you're of an age where no one's got that kind of number yet, or maybe everyone's a virgin.

• 1:12:19Theo Von?

  Oh, yeah.

• 1:12:20Speaker 02

  And then one kid's like, I've slept with twelve people. You're just like, I gotta, I gotta know all about.

• 1:12:24Theo Von?

  Here we go.

• 1:12:24Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 1:12:25Theo Von?

  Yeah. Warren, I, yeah, I'm just, yeah, there's noth, yeah, then my life is, means nothing. You know, I'm working at Baskin Robbins or whatever, and some guy slept with twelve people.

• 1:12:35Speaker 02

  Twelve people.

• 1:12:35Theo Von?

  I should be in eighties, right?

• 1:12:38Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 1:12:39Theo Von?

  Yeah, that shit was hectic, dude. Dude, I was the worst at sex. Let me see, let's look it up. High activity lifestyle, for a person averaging one new partner per week, it would take approximately twenty years to reach a thousand fifty partners. So, yeah, I lied.

• 1:12:57Theo Von?

  I lied, bro. Dude, there was some years where I wouldn't even get involved in any sex. I was so fucking bad at it.

• 1:13:04Speaker 02

  You, you, you were bad at it. So you've come a long way.

• 1:13:08Theo Von?

  I've come a long way, dude. Yeah, yeah, I think, well, for one.

• 1:13:11Speaker 02

  Are you a generous lover, yeah?

• 1:13:13Theo Von?

  No.

• 1:13:13Speaker 02

  No, okay.

• 1:13:14Theo Von?

  I'm not, dude, I'm like that, for me, this, I realized this the other day. I'm in like this, I'm in recovery meeting for everything. So I was in one the other day, and people talk about this kind of stuff a lot, and like, intimacy disorders, shit like that, right? Like, I'm out here, I'm basically like a, uh, I'm like a crash test dummy. That's what I realized, like, other people are like, living a life, and I am basically a crash test dummy out here.

• 1:13:35Speaker 02

  Why you feel that way?

• 1:13:36Theo Von?

  Just cuz it's like, I feel like I'm never gonna figure out some of these parts, and I'm just gonna be almost this like, experiment that kind of happens, you know?

• 1:13:43Speaker 02

  Right.

• 1:13:44Theo Von?

  Like, um, I, I realized, I thought of, with loving, it was like a, uh, it felt like a alterca, it's like an altercation you get in. It, it has the same energy.

• 1:13:54Speaker 02

  Of like a, like a session?

• 1:13:56Theo Von?

  Like a fight.

• 1:13:56Speaker 02

  Intimate session?

• 1:13:57Theo Von?

  Yeah, intimate session has like a sexual session has like a

• 1:14:00Speaker 02

  It's a little bit of a battle.

• 1:14:01Theo Von?

  Yeah, it's a fight, not like physically like it's a fight.

• 1:14:03Speaker 02

  Right, right.

• 1:14:03Theo Von?

  But just like the same amount of nervous energy that's in a fight.

• 1:14:06Speaker 02

  Sure, sure, sure.

• 1:14:07Theo Von?

  That's the energy that I take into like a sexual, sexual.

• 1:14:12Theo Von?

  So like if you, if you see me if, if working up and I just keep kind of ducking or dodging, or if I duck off into the corner and have some guy I barely know rub me a spore on my cheeks or whatever, and put a thing of ice on the back of my neck or whatever.

• 1:14:26Speaker 02

  You have a corner man.

• 1:14:27Theo Von?

  Yeah, just, just know I'm doing the best that I can.

• 1:14:31Speaker 02

  Just plugging your nose up.

• 1:14:32Theo Von?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah. Dude, if some guy is fucking putting a con swab up my nose. But dude, I just, I always, I had so much nervous energy around women, bro.

• 1:14:44Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:14:44Theo Von?

  So that was crazy, dude.

• 1:14:46Speaker 02

  I love when they do like in a UFC fight or like a boxing match, whatever, when they cut to the corner, right? And it's like, you know, you, and you hear everything that the, the corner guy is saying, the trainer is saying, it's always like wildly inappropriate.

• 1:14:59Theo Von?

  Yeah.

• 1:14:59Speaker 02

  Like fuck this motherfucker, bro. You're gonna fuck him up, man, this cunt. And then you're like, he's like, you stick your move, then you're like home watching a fight with like, or you're somewhere and it's like, you just don't expect to hear like, this guy's a motherfucking bitch, bro.

• 1:15:12Theo Von?

  Yeah, you know, his mother passed away two months ago, huh?

• 1:15:14Speaker 02

  I was like, oh shit.

• 1:15:15Theo Von?

  Yeah, like, yeah, you learn this shit. You're like, damn, you know, his cousin has asthma, hit this little pussy, you know, like.

• 1:15:21Speaker 02

  They said, he'll be like, don't be a fucking pussy, bro. I'm like, whoa.

• 1:15:24Theo Von?

  I know.

• 1:15:25Speaker 02

  Real in the corner, gets real.

• 1:15:26Theo Von?

  But it's really just sounds like, that's what makes anybody think they could be a corner man, also some of those behaviors.

• 1:15:31Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah, I could say that.

• 1:15:32Theo Von?

  Cause it, yeah, it doesn't feel like there's a lot of real instruction coming out of there.

• 1:15:35Speaker 02

  So yeah, sometimes you hear someone give really good pointers and then you go to the other corner and they're just like, alright, bro. And you're like, what is this guy doing?

• 1:15:42Theo Von?

  Yeah, they're saying nothing.

• 1:15:42Speaker 02

  They're saying nothing to the guy.

• 1:15:43Theo Von?

  I know.

• 1:15:44Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:15:45Theo Von?

  That is pretty wild, dude. Um, but yes, how intimate, bro, some of that shit, I was like, you know those fainting goats shit gets going too much and they just faint?

• 1:15:53Speaker 02

  They just go over, yeah.

• 1:15:54Theo Von?

  That's me.

• 1:15:55Speaker 02

  Yeah, you hit like a thing and I'm

• 1:15:56Theo Von?

  Oh yeah, I hit like about thirty volts or whatever.

• 1:15:59Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah.

• 1:16:02Theo Von?

  I hit about.

• 1:16:03Speaker 02

  Yo, what is a, what sound does a goat make?

• 1:16:06Theo Von?

  Let me try it.

• 1:16:08Speaker 02

  They even have the sheep though?

• 1:16:12Speaker 02

  Does a goat and a sheep make the same noise?

• 1:16:15Theo Von?

  I think goats are more curious, so I think it's more like.

• 1:16:20Theo Von?

  No, let me try it.

• 1:16:24Speaker 02

  Really?

• 1:16:24Theo Von?

  Nah, that's more like a.

• 1:16:26Speaker 02

  But what does a sheep do then?

• 1:16:29Speaker 02

  So it's the same thing?

• 1:16:30Theo Von?

  No, sheep, that goats.

• 1:16:32Speaker 02

  Sheep's bah.

• 1:16:33Theo Von?

  Oh, yeah, sheep's bah.

• 1:16:35Speaker 02

  But then a goat is bah. Am I crazy? I don't know this, I don't know the difference. Is it sheep, a sheep's not a goat?

• 1:16:45Theo Von?

  A gay goat's just like, bagger.

• 1:16:50Speaker 02

  Stupid street joke, what, what does a gay horse eat? Hey. It's so stupid.

• 1:16:55Theo Von?

  Dude, some jokes like that, they were the best, bro. Getting to laugh is the best, man. That's the best thing, bro. Getting to laugh, the fact, one thing I will say, bro, about certain moments or live, like, I've been grateful, they gotta put me around people that that are, just make me laugh.

• 1:17:15Speaker 02

  Yeah, we are, our friends are the funniest people in the world, it's crazy.

• 1:17:18Theo Von?

  It's crazy.

• 1:17:18Speaker 02

  It really is. Yo, so I struggle on stage, I always, sometimes I think about this, like, I, I really in the moment on stage, when I'm on stage, and I like to laugh, and so like, I laugh, you know, throughout my set a lot, then sometimes I'm like, like, I don't think of it, it's just me being me, but like, then a lot of times I'm like, I don't wanna laugh, like, I don't want it to be like I'm laughing at my own stuff, but I really am in the moment having a good time, but I'm like, I don't want that to come as a crutch, so sometimes I'll be like, alright, today, consciously, when you do, like, this hour, do not laugh, do not laugh, and just see how it plays, like, don't laugh, just like, kind of keep, you know, and, and see how it plays differently with, with, you know, like, do you, do you like, are you in the moment when you're on stage, you laugh at your own, will you laugh and like, just have fun in the moment, or you like, kind of like, keep it like,

• 1:18:01Speaker 02

  this persona of like, you know, cause when you like, tell your stories and stuff, you have a, like, you know, you have a certain energy and vibe the way you do it.

• 1:18:07Theo Von?

  Yeah.

• 1:18:08Speaker 02

  But you, do you ever like, just get, like, do you think about that on stage?

• 1:18:11Theo Von?

  I do.

• 1:18:11Speaker 02

  So you like, consciously don't, won't laugh, or like, will you just like, laugh?

• 1:18:15Theo Von?

  I'd like to laugh more. I used to think like especially when I was coming up in comedy, you hear about all these things that are kind of crutches.

• 1:18:21Speaker 02

  You don't want to, yeah.

• 1:18:22Theo Von?

  Some people write their notes like, well, that's a crutch. And it's like, well, that's a crutch. Well, also, how about this? Somebody's getting up in front of you and trying to make a room full of people laugh.

• 1:18:32Speaker 02

  Right.

• 1:18:32Theo Von?

  I don't care if they're on crutches, eight crutches. I don't care if they're, I don't care if there's one person in two wheelchairs. Let them, if there's things that help them, I think it, to me, I think it's okay.

• 1:18:43Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:18:43Theo Von?

  Well, I don't like to laugh.

• 1:18:44Speaker 02

  I'm not doing it as a crutch. What I'm saying is like, I naturally laugh.

• 1:18:48Theo Von?

  Yeah.

• 1:18:48Speaker 02

  And so I have to fight my natural instinct.

• 1:18:50Theo Von?

  Don't ever fight your laughter. Your laugh is, your laugh is one that warms people. It's like, it's extra you, you know?

• 1:18:56Speaker 02

  Sure, sure.

• 1:18:57Theo Von?

  And so that I think is a gift. And I think some of these people, they've gotten to know some of us in our lives and they may be, they may feel happy that we're in a room laughing, you know? Just like they are, you know?

• 1:19:07Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah. I mean, I'm having a good time.

• 1:19:08Theo Von?

  Yeah, you're having a good time. I say laugh, dude. I notice if, and I'll even be conscious of it sometimes, like, oh, this set's not going that great in the beginning. And sometimes they'll be like, dude, it's because you're not having fun.

• 1:19:18Speaker 02

  Yes.

• 1:19:18Theo Von?

  So let myself have fun.

• 1:19:20Speaker 02

  Yes.

• 1:19:20Theo Von?

  And let me be the person that's saying the jokes. Really, sometimes I'll try to almost transpose myself and pretend like I'm just sitting there laughing at the jokes.

• 1:19:29Speaker 02

  Right, right, right.

• 1:19:30Theo Von?

  And then just almost like, I don't know. Cause the person I always wanted, I wanted to be the person sitting there laughing. But to me, I've always had like, you know, sometimes there's like a chip on my shirt, some type of shit, growing up, this, that, that, that, you know?

• 1:19:44Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 1:19:45Theo Von?

  And so I was always like, you know, or being judgmental, whatever. So, so we end up on the other end of the thing. I'm going to be the guy who's being a part of making the laughter. But either way, I'm happy to be involved in the laughter. And I think it's okay if you laugh with a crutch or, some people say it's crutch. I don't. I find it, especially as I get older, fuck, if I get a chance to laugh.

• 1:20:02Speaker 02

  Yeah, but I think that's, that's what I'm saying.

• 1:20:03Theo Von?

  Sorry, that was a lot of shit to say.

• 1:20:05Speaker 02

  No, dude, I think just making the distinction of like, I'm on stage having a good time. Like, not with intent. Like, some people will laugh.

• 1:20:11Theo Von?

  One thousand and fifty is crazy though, dude.

• 1:20:14Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:20:14Theo Von?

  That's a crazy thing to say.

• 1:20:16Speaker 02

  I've thought about it ever since you told me.

• 1:20:17Theo Von?

  David, you really?

• 1:20:18Speaker 02

  Yeah, I have. I, I retain the knowledge.

• 1:20:21Theo Von?

  Bro, you know how scary it would be if one woman came over to my house every week to hook up? That would fucking make me fucking so paranoid.

• 1:20:27Speaker 02

  Sounded crazy to me when you said it.

• 1:20:29Theo Von?

  Bro, if I knew that every week some gal was coming over for sex, dude, I would fucking have to keep moving.

• 1:20:34Speaker 02

  It's off putting.

• 1:20:35Theo Von?

  Yes, you're like, oh my.

• 1:20:36Speaker 02

  Too much.

• 1:20:37Theo Von?

  It's too much. The schedule's too insane.

• 1:20:39Speaker 02

  Too much, man.

• 1:20:40Theo Von?

  Yeah.

• 1:20:40Speaker 02

  That's a lot hanging over your head, man. Every week. I get anxiety thinking about that.

• 1:20:45Theo Von?

  And hearing them peel off in disappointment, too. Hearing the gravel.

• 1:20:50Speaker 02

  They leave in a hurry.

• 1:20:51Theo Von?

  Yeah, and you don't even have gravel. They're so pissed. They went and bought gravel and put it under their tires.

• 1:20:56Speaker 02

  I love that. Every time someone leaves your house, they have to say, peel out of here.

• 1:20:59Theo Von?

  Yeah, dude, bro. My fucking uncle, he was supposed to get gravel and he actually got a bunch of like fish, whatever that stuff that goes to the bottom of.

• 1:21:06Speaker 02

  Pellets?

• 1:21:06Theo Von?

  Yeah, fish, fish.

• 1:21:08Speaker 02

  Fish food?

• 1:21:09Theo Von?

  Yeah, like the fish.

• 1:21:10Speaker 02

  Coy?

• 1:21:11Theo Von?

  Yeah, nah, shit that goes in a fish.

• 1:21:12Speaker 02

  Oh, the fish gravel, fish tank gravel.

• 1:21:15Theo Von?

  Yeah, he got fish tank gravel, dude. And his wife was so pissed, but it was irretournable, bruh. And dude, they fought about that shit. But hearing people fight over, yeah, and your fucking fish gravel, you and your fucking fish gravel, James.

• 1:21:30Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:21:30Theo Von?

  Just hearing shit like, hearing terms like that, you and your shitty little fish gravel.

• 1:21:35Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah. Fighting over gravel.

• 1:21:37Theo Von?

  Yeah.

• 1:21:38Speaker 02

  Fish gravel.

• 1:21:39Theo Von?

  Hearing any people fight over gravel, just, God, that's the kind of shit that keeps me going.

• 1:21:43Speaker 02

  I have, I had a fish, uh, my niece, you know when they have like the fair at school, like those festivals?

• 1:21:48Theo Von?

  And they give those fish that are about to die, they give them to children?

• 1:21:50Speaker 02

  That's fucked. It's messed up. You throw like a ping pong ball in a cup and then they send the kid home with a bag of fish and like these fish are just dying. And so my niece brought home a fish and I knew this shit was gonna die. Cause like I, when I did it when I was a kid, I could never keep a fish alive because I didn't have a setup. I'd come home, put the fish in a bowl.

• 1:22:07Theo Von?

  Yeah.

• 1:22:08Speaker 02

  And then not really understand it needs a filter and it needs to be aerated and then the fish would eventually die and feed it like bread, you know, and then it would die. One time I brought a fish home and I was like, um, I don't know if I've ever told this story, but like, I brought a fish home from school. And I, I was like, I knew that the previous fish had died and I thought it, cause they didn't have bubbles, which, which in my head, I was like, it needs bubbles. I didn't think it needed like air.

• 1:22:34Theo Von?

  Right.

• 1:22:34Speaker 02

  It needs bubbles. So I got home, my mom wasn't home yet, so I put a big salad bowl, I put the fish in it and I got a straw. And I was gonna tell my mom, we have to go to the thing to buy the, you know, this fish store to buy the stuff so this fish survives. But I needed to bridge the gap till she got home. So I took a straw and for like three hours I blew into the, into the bowl. But I was blowing carbon dioxide into the bowl and I killed the fish immediately. So the fish died within hours because I was just hitting it with CO2 out of my mouth. So my niece brought this fish home years later. I'm like, I'm not gonna let this happen again. I went and got the setup and I ended up having this fish for seven years. And then um, I moved, fish came with me and then one day, the fish was dead and I, out of nowhere though. It like died out of nowhere.

• 1:23:19Theo Von?

  In no reason?

• 1:23:20Speaker 02

  No, I just cleaned the tank. It was a very healthy fish. And I, I think it was foul play. I really do think so.

• 1:23:27Theo Von?

  No way.

• 1:23:28Speaker 02

  I think someone put like, cause I tested the uh, pH bar. I would do all that shit.

• 1:23:32Theo Von?

  Yeah.

• 1:23:32Speaker 02

  And then I, I cleaned it and then like I had people over and then I, it was dead. And then I think it was like, someone like poured something in the tank. I said, then I didn't wanna flush the fish. I had a seven year relationship with the fish.

• 1:23:42Theo Von?

  Oh yeah.

• 1:23:43Speaker 02

  And so uh, I didn't wanna flush it. I was gonna bury it. I might've told this, but I, I was gonna bury it, but I didn't wanna bury in the yard because it's summer and I didn't want it to decompose and smell. So I wrapped it in tin foil. I put it in my freezer. And that was like, it's, that's come closing in on.

• 1:24:01Speaker 02

  Uh, it's fif- like fifteen to twenty years ago and I never got rid of the fish.

• 1:24:05Theo Von?

  It's still with you?

• 1:24:06Speaker 02

  I have a, I have a gold, a frozen goldfish in my freezer.

• 1:24:09Theo Von?

  No.

• 1:24:10Speaker 02

  For over fifteen years. Th- that fish is still in my freezer right now. And I moved three times and I took it with me.

• 1:24:16Theo Von?

  What?

• 1:24:16Speaker 02

  Yes. I had to put, put him in like on ice and like.

• 1:24:18Theo Von?

  Moving is hard on everyone.

• 1:24:20Speaker 02

  It is. It's hard on everyone. I have the fish.

• 1:24:22Theo Von?

  Oh my god.

• 1:24:23Speaker 02

  I have a dead fish for over fifteen years in my freezer right now.

• 1:24:26Theo Von?

  You know it's in your freezer?

• 1:24:28Speaker 02

  Know exactly where it is in my freezer.

• 1:24:30Theo Von?

  Oh, that's beautiful. It is, man.

• 1:24:33Speaker 02

  I took it out on Hey Babe one time. I took it out for the first time. I, I never unwrapped it in all fifteen years. And we opened it on Hey Babe and it was, it was uh, it was, it was tough. It was a goldfish, but like I lost a lot of its gold.

• 1:24:47Theo Von?

  Hmm.

• 1:24:47Speaker 02

  It was like a pale gold and uh, like the eyes were kinda gone.

• 1:24:52Theo Von?

  Oh.

• 1:24:53Speaker 02

  I guess over time, I guess in the freezer.

• 1:24:55Theo Von?

  God takes the gold back or whatever.

• 1:24:56Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 1:24:58Theo Von?

  But what, there you are right there.

• 1:25:01Speaker 02

  That's COVID, you could tell, right?

• 1:25:02Theo Von?

  Yeah, very, you look very rabbinical right there as well, dude.

• 1:25:08Theo Von?

  Oh my god, bro. It definitely has like a Michael Jackson tint to it. That's crazy.

• 1:25:14Speaker 02

  Did you see it?

• 1:25:15Theo Von?

  Yeah, I could see just a little bit of it there. Uh, yeah, show me that. Oh, yeah, yeah.

• 1:25:21Theo Von?

  Dude, you know, um, oh my god, wow.

• 1:25:24Speaker 02

  Yeah, poor fish.

• 1:25:25Theo Von?

  Oh, it's cool. What was its name?

• 1:25:27Speaker 02

  I didn't name it, and I, because that was another thing. Every fish I had prior, I named died. So I called them fish for seven years.

• 1:25:33Theo Von?

  Ooh, I like that.

• 1:25:34Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:25:35Theo Von?

  At least like the fact you took on a new strategy to keep him alive.

• 1:25:38Speaker 02

  Yeah, I was trying everything I could, and we had seven nice years. He used to eat out of my hand.

• 1:25:41Theo Von?

  Nah.

• 1:25:42Speaker 02

  Yeah, I don't know if it was really because we had a bond. I think they would just do that anyway. But I like to think it was because we got close.

• 1:25:48Theo Von?

  And how do you do it? You put your hand in there?

• 1:25:49Speaker 02

  I put my hand right in. I like hold the flake and put it in, and it would just come out.

• 1:25:53Theo Von?

  You're lying.

• 1:25:54Speaker 02

  No, no, I swear. It's really not that big a deal, I don't think.

• 1:25:57Theo Von?

  I think it is. It's like a drive through for, I feel like it's like going to the drive.

• 1:26:00Speaker 02

  It felt like a trick. It felt like I had a, I, I had a like a, you know how they go like a flea circus or something?

• 1:26:05Theo Von?

  Yeah.

• 1:26:05Speaker 02

  It felt like I had a fish that did tricks.

• 1:26:08Theo Von?

  Well, dude, we had the Acro Cats lady, and she came on here once.

• 1:26:10Speaker 02

  What is that?

• 1:26:11Theo Von?

  This lady, she'd been traveling around the country for like

• 1:26:12Speaker 02

  Oh, the Acro Cats.

• 1:26:13Theo Von?

  For like 20 years or something, and she's, uh, she used to drive the tour bus that the cats were in, a tour bus.

• 1:26:19Speaker 02

  No.

• 1:26:19Theo Von?

  Yes, that the cats were in, and I'm paraphrasing a little bit here, but one of the toughest shows that she had, one of the tough experiences, she's on the road somewhere. Somebody had left the window open, maybe from smoking or a cigarette or something. And tuna, the lead cat, gets out.

• 1:26:33Speaker 02

  No way.

• 1:26:34Theo Von?

  Yeah.

• 1:26:34Speaker 02

  And she lost the cat?

• 1:26:36Theo Von?

  Couldn't find it.

• 1:26:37Speaker 02

  No way.

• 1:26:37Theo Von?

  And the show must go on. She, she had like three hours before, so like there's another cat.

• 1:26:42Speaker 02

  Tuna's understudy.

• 1:26:43Theo Von?

  Yeah, tuna's understudy or whatever. I don't even remember.

• 1:26:46Speaker 02

  Chicken salad.

• 1:26:47Theo Von?

  Yeah, it was just like tilapia or something was the understudy.

• 1:26:49Speaker 02

  Yo, that's crazy.

• 1:26:50Theo Von?

  He's gotta come in, and he's always, you know, he's Italian. So he's gotta come in doing his tilapia shit, you know, but like.

• 1:26:57Speaker 02

  His big break. It's like tuna.

• 1:26:59Theo Von?

  Yeah, dude, but.

• 1:27:00Speaker 02

  They might have taken tuna out. She thinks tuna got away, but they might have, they might have been, they might have been foul played there. That's crazy too, because tuna was a star, and once he leaves and he goes into the open road like that, everyone he passes has no idea who he is, and that's a, a, a star cat amongst you.

• 1:27:17Theo Von?

  It's almost like a story from the Bible when they didn't know who Jesus was.

• 1:27:20Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:27:21Theo Von?

  You know? That's pretty cool, dude.

• 1:27:22Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 1:27:23Theo Von?

  Yeah, that is amazing, bro. Yeah, I wonder what his cloud is like out in the wilderness, though. And Father and was like, oh shit, that's tuna, cut.

• 1:27:30Speaker 02

  That's tuna.

• 1:27:31Theo Von?

  Damn, that's tuna.

• 1:27:32Speaker 02

  Working out on the street.

• 1:27:33Theo Von?

  Like, damn, bro, tuna out here, bruh.

• 1:27:35Speaker 02

  Tuna out here, bruh.

• 1:27:35Theo Von?

  Damn, he real like that. He in the trenches, cuz. Like, damn, tuna outside, dude.

• 1:27:42Speaker 02

  Tuna got out.

• 1:27:43Theo Von?

  But dude.

• 1:27:43Speaker 02

  Tuna's not about that life anymore.

• 1:27:45Theo Von?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, bro, tuna chain, man.

• 1:27:47Speaker 02

  What was the last pet you had? You have a pet now? No, you can't have a pet now.

• 1:27:51Theo Von?

  No, I never.

• 1:27:52Speaker 02

  You're on the road too much, right?

• 1:27:53Theo Von?

  Yeah, I've never. I plan to get a dog.

• 1:27:55Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:27:56Theo Von?

  And this has been a slow feeling for me, but I plan to get a dog and maybe a cat. If I can get a wife. And not if. One day I'll get a wife. And I'm gonna have a family, but I would like to get a dog and cat. And it doesn't all have to happen together or whatever.

• 1:28:08Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:28:08Theo Von?

  But I think if, if I don't get married or something, then maybe I'll get a dog and cat and maybe something else. I wouldn't mind getting a couple of horses, probably.

• 1:28:14Speaker 02

  Oh, wow. You ride horses?

• 1:28:16Theo Von?

  I wouldn't ride them, but I would go over by them.

• 1:28:18Speaker 02

  Yeah. You'd go next to them, talk to them.

• 1:28:21Theo Von?

  Yeah, it'd be like that.

• 1:28:22Speaker 02

  Brush them.

• 1:28:22Theo Von?

  Brush them, clean them.

• 1:28:23Speaker 02

  Let me ask you a question. If I see a horse that's not in the wild, it's got on horseshoes? Every horse in captivity has on horseshoes?

• 1:28:34Theo Von?

  That's a good question. Or is it just like parade horses and horses that are like going out on the town or whatever?

• 1:28:39Speaker 02

  Right.

• 1:28:39Theo Von?

  I'm not sure. Look it up. That's a great question. This guy I know, Mr. Mike, is a farrier and he-

• 1:28:44Speaker 02

  What is a farrier?

• 1:28:45Theo Von?

  A farrier's the guy that comes in and puts the shoes on the horse's foot.

• 1:28:48Speaker 02

  Oh, really?

• 1:28:48Theo Von?

  Yeah.

• 1:28:49Speaker 02

  That's called a farrier?

• 1:28:50Theo Von?

  Trims the toenails and everything. I got stuck on farrier talk for a while and dude, half my feed was farriers.

• 1:28:55Speaker 02

  No way.

• 1:28:55Theo Von?

  Yeah.

• 1:28:56Speaker 02

  Oh, I didn't know that's what they were called. I thought they were like cobblers or something.

• 1:28:59Theo Von?

  No, no, no. I think cobblers is for shoeing, humans and farriers is for shoeing. I don't know if it's just for animals. No, not all horses need shoes. Whether a horse requires shoes depends on factors like workload, hoof, hoof health, genetics and terrain.

• 1:29:13Speaker 02

  I can see how hoof health would be a factor. You got a pair of weak hooves, you need protection.

• 1:29:18Theo Von?

  Oh, dude, if my feet are real tender, I want them bitches on.

• 1:29:22Speaker 02

  Yeah. Also, you want that clippity-clop. You know? I don't think you, I don't know if you get a clippity-clop without the, without the shoe.

• 1:29:28Theo Von?

  Dude, you telling me a kinda thick-

• 1:29:30Speaker 02

  They're like tap dancers.

• 1:29:31Theo Von?

  A thick horse from Atlanta ain't fucking pulling up with that clippity-clop.

• 1:29:36Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:29:36Theo Von?

  Type shit.

• 1:29:37Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:29:38Theo Von?

  Yeah.

• 1:29:38Speaker 02

  What about those really, what are the Coca-Cola horses, like at Christmas?

• 1:29:42Theo Von?

  Clydesdale.

• 1:29:42Speaker 02

  Clydesdale, Clydesdale's, yeah. That's a, that's, that's a clippity-clop right there.

• 1:29:48Theo Von?

  That horse, you're like, dude, when that horse shows up, bro, people, some people salute it.

• 1:29:52Speaker 02

  I would salute it.

• 1:29:53Theo Von?

  You're like, that's, that's interesting to have that between man and.

• 1:29:57Speaker 02

  Do you have confidence in your salute?

• 1:29:59Theo Von?

  Yeah.

• 1:29:59Speaker 02

  I did, I did a, a show for the Naval Academy recently and they asked me to take a picture of the man salute. And you see salutes in like movies and, and really in life, but like, I feel like there's a, a way they do it. That like, it looks like it's just, you just do this, but I don't know if this is right. Like some of them do that or like, like, is, is there a proper way to salute? Like, are we saluting the right way right now? Or is it like, I got nervous because I was like, I don't want to insult these people and salute the wrong way. Like you tuck your finger in. Like, what are you, what are you doing with the salute?

• 1:30:30Theo Von?

  That's a good question.

• 1:30:31Speaker 02

  And they do it like, you know, when someone's guys like, whoosh, like it's like super like locked in like.

• 1:30:35Theo Von?

  The Koreans do that.

• 1:30:36Speaker 02

  Really like, you know, they do?

• 1:30:38Theo Von?

  Yeah.

• 1:30:38Speaker 06

  Position of attention. So my hands are to my side, arms are straight down. When I raise my hand to salute, it's gonna be flat. Hands not like thumbs not tucked underneath my hand and like kind of stuff. So we're raising it up. And then because I'm wearing headgear, my index finger is going to come to the edge of my headgear. Arms at a 45 degree angle, hands slightly can it down, not facing up, not facing down. Just like this, I get my greeting and then draw my salute. Now that is how it's like for wearing headgear. If I was wearing something like maybe no headgear or maybe the beret, but because I have glasses, then it has to come to the edge of my glasses. If I was wearing the beret or maybe even no headgear, and I also don't wear glasses, then it comes to the edge of my eyebrows. So it depends.

• 1:31:14Theo Von?

  He's like, if you're wearing braces, if you were, you know.

• 1:31:18Speaker 02

  He's like, if you have a scrunchie in or whatever.

• 1:31:21Theo Von?

  If the scrunchie one's the best, because you put it in the back, you're like, hey.

• 1:31:25Speaker 02

  You're like, alright.

• 1:31:26Theo Von?

  Yeah.

• 1:31:28Speaker 02

  Yeah, I was, I was, uh, self-conscious. I've always been self-conscious about my salute.

• 1:31:33Speaker 02

  You ever ride a horse bareback? That's probably, that's probably fun. That takes skill right there.

• 1:31:39Theo Von?

  Somebody around, somebody got a horse somehow by us one time and we got on that bitch.

• 1:31:43Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:31:44Theo Von?

  And we did pretty good. We didn't do good.

• 1:31:47Speaker 02

  Bareback though?

• 1:31:48Theo Von?

  Yeah, bareback. We tried to get a saddle or something. Somebody put like a thing like, nobody had a saddle. We shouldn't have had this horse. They had a corner, like a fair that was near us, and I think one had kind of gotten away from the fair. Somebody brought it down there.

• 1:31:59Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:32:00Theo Von?

  Being down there drinking with like the carnies and stuff the night before and so.

• 1:32:05Theo Von?

  They kept up by this dude, Mr. Ernie's house, and we went over there and we were all getting on and shit. It was pretty friendly, but I think in hindsight, it could have been really dangerous.

• 1:32:11Speaker 02

  I almost died on a horse.

• 1:32:13Theo Von?

  You did?

• 1:32:14Speaker 02

  Yeah, on a class trip in like eighth grade. They put me on a horse that started like full rodeoing.

• 1:32:19Theo Von?

  Who put you on a horse?

• 1:32:20Speaker 02

  The dude ranch that we went to for the trip. They put me on a horse and this horse, I'm an eight, seven, eighth grade. I have no horse experience whatsoever. I get on the horse, the horse is bucking, jumping up and down, kicking and bucking. And I'm, I'm looking around, like everyone's there. All the other students are on horses that are just sitting.

• 1:32:39Theo Von?

  Right.

• 1:32:39Speaker 02

  Like just chilling. And then the cowboys are there and they didn't even react quickly. Like they were like, I was like looking at them and they were looking at me. Basically like when the rodeo thing opens and the horse is like.

• 1:32:52Theo Von?

  Oh, yeah.

• 1:32:53Speaker 02

  That's what this fucking horse was doing.

• 1:32:54Theo Von?

  A lot of horses don't, but they don't prefer Italians. I'll say that.

• 1:32:56Speaker 02

  Yeah, and it's, you know, whatever.

• 1:32:57Theo Von?

  No judgment.

• 1:32:58Speaker 02

  A lot of, a lot of children don't, are allergic to Mexican stuff.

• 1:33:01Theo Von?

  Yeah. Avocados.

• 1:33:03Speaker 02

  Yeah, avocado, avocado, avocado. No, but I, I remember, it wasn't like, you know, like the rodeo rodeo, but it was enough for like an eighth grader to be terrified. And I'm like looking at these guys like, is anyone gonna step in at all? And the guy was just like, and I remember being like, help. I finally just said, help. And then the guy was like, all right, just calm down. I'm like, this is how you treat a 12 year old? You can tell me to calm down? I'm just, I'm gonna be thrown from this horse, like. And then they got, they got me off that horse and they gave me the most senior citizen horse they had. Like the back was like slumped inward.

• 1:33:34Theo Von?

  Yeah.

• 1:33:34Speaker 02

  And then my, I got on that horse, the horse walked up to a tree and started eating the leaves and then wouldn't, didn't leave. And like everyone went on the trail and that horse wouldn't leave the tree and just ate the, yeah. And I just stood there on the horse like.

• 1:33:46Theo Von?

  Yours was like rosemary or something?

• 1:33:48Speaker 02

  It was like, it was like, yeah, glue stick.

• 1:33:50Theo Von?

  Yours had a brooch on?

• 1:33:54Speaker 02

  Yeah, I would never get on a horse bareback.

• 1:33:55Theo Von?

  Dang dude, that's wild, bro. Yeah, horses, I think they're probably the most, they're the best animal that we have until we come out with a new animal. Like until they catch a dragon or make something.

• 1:34:07Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:34:08Theo Von?

  And, and we did have a neighbor, my friend William had a fish and I remember and when it died. And they went and buried it at the Long John Silver's and like the flower bed outside of there, I remember.

• 1:34:21Speaker 02

  Well, that's an interesting choice.

• 1:34:22Theo Von?

  Remember that restaurant?

• 1:34:23Speaker 02

  Yeah, of course, but it's a seafood restaurant.

• 1:34:26Theo Von?

  Yeah.

• 1:34:26Speaker 02

  Yeah, so I mean, like, it's a little bit, we like.

• 1:34:29Theo Von?

  It was like the closest thing I think people thought like.

• 1:34:32Speaker 02

  Yeah, it was nice that they had the flower bed.

• 1:34:34Theo Von?

  Yeah, like bringing back with this community, like just outside of the parking medians, they had a little bit of like, uh, kind of semi-designed foliage right there.

• 1:34:40Speaker 02

  Yeah, that's always nice, a little extra touch.

• 1:34:43Theo Von?

  But I remember his dad took us over there and we put that, and we put it there and did like a prayer or something. I think we might have saluted too.

• 1:34:48Speaker 02

  Yeah, salute that fish.

• 1:34:50Theo Von?

  We don't even know. Dude, yeah, you had to salute that thing.

• 1:34:54Speaker 02

  You know.

• 1:34:54Theo Von?

  Shout out LJS, bro.

• 1:34:55Speaker 02

  I feel like horses are like, they're on a lot of like romance novel covers, like bareback, bareback horse riding is exotic, I feel like.

• 1:35:04Theo Von?

  It's also mythological. I think the body, the things that will happen to your body. You want to talk about checking yourself for testicular cancer.

• 1:35:11Speaker 02

  But like, like a nude woman on a horse bareback, that's very exotic, right?

• 1:35:17Theo Von?

  Yeah, cuz I think you think of the stallion and like, I'm gonna be the stallion, I'm, you know. I'm gonna sleep with 1,050 women, you know what I'm saying?

• 1:35:29Speaker 02

  Yeah, I would, uh, I would, I would take notice if a, if a woman rode by like, uh, topless on the bareback on a horse. I would probably, uh, pay attention. I would probably, uh, I would probably follow the person cuz it's very interesting.

• 1:35:45Theo Von?

  Yeah.

• 1:35:45Speaker 02

  I wouldn't just like let that go by. I would be like, I'm gonna find out where this is gonna end up.

• 1:35:50Theo Von?

  I'd wanna see what would happen. Dude, did you see a? Speaking of mythological things, did you see that Artemis space shuttle went to the moon? Do you think that really happened or not? Let's take a gander at it.

• 1:36:00Speaker 02

  I think it happened. It's, I mean.

• 1:36:03Theo Von?

  Cause people are, people are very weary now. Well, first let me start, do you think the first moon landing happened?

• 1:36:08Speaker 02

  I do.

• 1:36:09Theo Von?

  Cause bring up the shuttle, bring up the picture of the shuttle. I'm sure you've looked at the shuttle and been like.

• 1:36:12Speaker 02

  Yeah, but I also like, when you look at these things and sometimes I'm like, ah, maybe I could be convinced otherwise. You know what I mean? Like, it's crazy that we haven't gone back. We went there now and just, didn't we just drive around it? We didn't get off, right?

• 1:36:23Theo Von?

  Yeah, they just went for like a looksie or whatever.

• 1:36:25Speaker 02

  Yeah, that's why. I would never, ever, ever, no matter what you could do, say, you could, I would never go into space. Never.

• 1:36:33Theo Von?

  Which one of the jokers you think would go into space if they had to go?

• 1:36:36Speaker 02

  Probably Mur. I don't think he has, uh, I don't think he really, uh.

• 1:36:40Theo Von?

  Yeah, just say it.

• 1:36:41Speaker 02

  He's, he's crazy like that.

• 1:36:42Theo Von?

  He's got it.

• 1:36:43Speaker 02

  Yeah, he's, he'll, he'd go up there. I wouldn't, but I think that, uh, he's always looking for something new.

• 1:36:49Theo Von?

  Hmm.

• 1:36:50Speaker 02

  Yeah. Imagine what they must have felt like. I just saw that movie, that new, uh, Ryan Gosling movie, like, it's like, uh, is it, he goes into space.

• 1:36:57Theo Von?

  Well, all they do is take beautiful men and put them out into space, dude.

• 1:37:00Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:37:00Theo Von?

  A lot of these movies, it's Matt Damon, it's Ryan Gosling, it's, um, Steven Tyler. They just take these good looking guys.

• 1:37:08Speaker 02

  Or, uh, what's his name, Will Will Rata Rant?

• 1:37:10Theo Von?

  Oh, yeah. McConaughey went to space.

• 1:37:12Speaker 02

  Interstellar, right?

• 1:37:13Theo Von?

  That's when you know Hollywood's like, this guy's good looking enough. We'll take him and show him off to the other planets, you know?

• 1:37:20Speaker 02

  Yeah, I can't even imagine.

• 1:37:21Theo Von?

  Try to pick up a new market, you know?

• 1:37:24Speaker 02

  Go out, I mean, I would be.

• 1:37:26Theo Von?

  But look at that.

• 1:37:26Speaker 02

  Terrified, bro.

• 1:37:27Theo Von?

  Yeah, I'd be terrified too, dude, if I went to space in a, uh, lifeguard tower, uh, from Santa Monica Beach.

• 1:37:35Speaker 02

  That's it?

• 1:37:36Theo Von?

  Yeah.

• 1:37:37Speaker 02

  That looks, yeah.

• 1:37:37Theo Von?

  Look at it, can you zoom on it?

• 1:37:39Speaker 02

  It looks like a toy, like a transformer or something.

• 1:37:42Theo Von?

  Bro.

• 1:37:43Speaker 02

  Yeah, that doesn't, that doesn't look like it. I don't have confidence.

• 1:37:47Theo Von?

  Come on, dude. That's not even a fucking food truck, bro.

• 1:37:50Speaker 02

  That, that looks flimsy, bro. Those little like legs and stuff. Like, how do you get up there and be like, man, I would feel like the existential threat of the, of the universe on my shoulders, like.

• 1:38:02Theo Von?

  Dude, they put, they didn't even put horseshoes on it, dude. That thing is, man. Look at the legs of it.

• 1:38:08Speaker 02

  Can you imagine being up there alone and no, see, this is the thing too, like, they went up there, they did a couple of loop de loops. But then that doesn't necessarily mean like coming back is hard.

• 1:38:17Theo Von?

  Yeah.

• 1:38:17Speaker 02

  It's risky coming back. So like you're signing up, I'm, I'm sorry, like none of those people can say for certainty. That they, that, I wonder what the, what the odds were that they could be, it could go south.

• 1:38:30Theo Von?

  Yeah.

• 1:38:30Speaker 02

  Like, I bet you it wasn't like 99%. Like, I bet you it was like, alright, it's like 70, 30, like you might explode on the way home.

• 1:38:37Theo Von?

  Right.

• 1:38:37Speaker 02

  Well, that's, that's crazy, dude. Do you imagine me coming home and see Earth? And you're like, alright, like, and then, and then it, then it goes, dude, when I was in, uh, when I was a kid, we watched the Challenger live.

• 1:38:49Theo Von?

  No.

• 1:38:50Speaker 02

  At school, you know, we, we all watched it and we watched it live and it fucking blew up and it was like. I, the teacher, everyone just started crying. I was like, we were like, what? We were trying to wrap our head around, I was like third grade, it was like. Trying to wrap my head around the fact that like, there was a school teacher in there and they just blew up. Remember this on live television? That's wild.

• 1:39:08Theo Von?

  There was a pet, wasn't there also a puppy in there?

• 1:39:11Speaker 02

  Was there?

• 1:39:12Theo Von?

  I thought that they sent a puppy in there.

• 1:39:13Speaker 02

  Wow.

• 1:39:14Theo Von?

  I can't believe that we even did this right now. To me, it just feels like, it's like, it's funny, we can't send help into Gaza, but we can send the Artemis two to go circle around the moon.

• 1:39:22Speaker 02

  Wow.

• 1:39:23Theo Von?

  Like that to me is like.

• 1:39:24Speaker 02

  What did we, what, what was the purpose of the mission? Do you know?

• 1:39:27Theo Von?

  It's a great question. Let's look it up.

• 1:39:29Speaker 02

  It wasn't just like.

• 1:39:31Theo Von?

  And I'm sorry, there was no live animal on the space shuttle Challenger during the final flight in 1986.

• 1:39:36Speaker 02

  God bless those people and their families. Holy shit.

• 1:39:39Theo Von?

  I know, man. Can you imagine? Let's just, let's have a moment of that. Let's, can you imagine that, like, we're sending like, cause you could, you could probably get in. Like, let me be honest with you. If they pick some people to go to space right now, right?

• 1:39:52Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:39:52Theo Von?

  And Mur gets sick or whatever, something happened to him, he gets in a loss.

• 1:39:56Speaker 02

  It didn't happen to me. I, I wouldn't even go like out of this little, just right above the atmosphere. I wouldn't even do that. I wouldn't do that. Katy Perry went to space.

• 1:40:05Speaker 02

  Did she? I don't know. I, I read yesterday she went to space.

• 1:40:08Theo Von?

  People said that they went to space, but that shit was so, it was very like, that was very sketchy, like waving at people. There was like friends coming up to the edge. It was like, this isn't in space.

• 1:40:17Speaker 02

  Would you go? Would you go?

• 1:40:19Theo Von?

  I don't know. We're fucking this planet up so much. We don't need to be exporting whatever we're doing.

• 1:40:25Speaker 02

  I don't need to. I don't believe I, like, we belong on a rocket.

• 1:40:29Theo Von?

  Yes, right now.

• 1:40:30Speaker 02

  You know what I'm saying? Like, I, I still, I still getting more, I'm still getting used to flying.

• 1:40:35Theo Von?

  Yeah.

• 1:40:35Speaker 02

  In planes.

• 1:40:36Theo Von?

  Well, do you know what I do think though? Oh, this is a good question. Let's, let's answer this for people. The Artemis mission are NASA's current program to return humans to the moon and use it as a stepping stone for future trips to Mars.

• 1:40:46Speaker 02

  We're not gonna inhabit another planet. We're not going to. You can't.

• 1:40:50Theo Von?

  But.

• 1:40:51Speaker 02

  So why are we going up there? I guess, you know, I guess we're.

• 1:40:54Theo Von?

  But that's, I don't like that shit. When somebody's like, hey, I want to come visit you, but really they're just staying overnight so they can go visit somebody else further away. I don't like some of that shit.

• 1:41:02Speaker 02

  I haven't thought about that.

• 1:41:02Theo Von?

  Well, that's what we're doing. It says, carry out the moon to Mars strategy, land astronauts on the moon. We're basically using the moon for a place to relax for a little while. Establish a sustainable, long-term human presence on the moon. Rather than just short-term flags and footprints, visit like the Apollo. Dog, some of this shit, Flags and Footprints also was the name of the, um, all male dance team. And, uh, at Covington High School when I was there.

• 1:41:27Speaker 02

  Yeah, that's, that's pretty good.

• 1:41:29Theo Von?

  They were state champs.

• 1:41:30Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah, yeah. Who's gonna go? How do you, okay, let's say, let's say.

• 1:41:34Theo Von?

  But what do they do?

• 1:41:35Speaker 02

  Right, we get to the point.

• 1:41:36Theo Von?

  I interrupt you.

• 1:41:37Speaker 02

  No, no, no. I'm gonna say, let's say we get to the point where people are like, all right, we're ready to move up there. It's like, okay, how, how many? Who's going up there first with what? Like, what are you going up there with some two by fours? Like, you gotta build a brick and mortar, like, you gotta build a house. You gotta have some type of currency. You gotta have like a, a bank, a restaurant. Like, who, who's, who's going up there building that stuff? Like, you need enough, and then you need enough people. Like, I don't understand. I don't understand. I don't understand. How many people do you need to inhabit the moon at the exact same time to make it a thing where people live there and go about their? Their daily lives there like what's it gonna be like or is it just gonna be like prehistoric at first you like signing up to go up there and live in a tent and like just live off the land and have no entertainment

• 1:42:22Theo Von?

  You mean like um like like that thing they do in the desert every year what is it?

• 1:42:26Speaker 02

  Like Burning Man?

• 1:42:27Theo Von?

  Like Burning Man?

• 1:42:28Speaker 02

  Yeah it's like what how how do you properly inhabit like you know?

• 1:42:32Theo Von?

  Brother, this is for the elites so.

• 1:42:34Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah.

• 1:42:35Theo Von?

  This is for the elites, you know, they're not bringing a couple giggle monkeys like us up there. This is for the elites. I think this is like they're planning to do like like they can't do an Epstein's Island anymore. I think they're looking for like Epstein's orb, you know? We're gonna find a place where we can really be nasty out here.

• 1:42:52Speaker 02

  Yeah, it's like maritime law out there.

• 1:42:53Theo Von?

  Yeah, yeah. It's like, yeah, you're in international law.

• 1:42:56Speaker 02

  Right, right.

• 1:42:57Theo Von?

  You're international air.

• 1:42:58Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:42:59Theo Von?

  So I think that like, I don't know, there is a big part of me, dude, that and I really, there's a big part of me that questions this, doesn't believe it, he questions it, like.

• 1:43:07Speaker 02

  You don't think we went?

• 1:43:09Theo Von?

  I don't know if we went. I do believe in one, they're trying to distract us from a lot of the horrible things that are going on in the world right now that we're a part of.

• 1:43:17Speaker 02

  Sure.

• 1:43:17Theo Von?

  So I do think that there's some of that because there's a lot of these weird things like one lady's mother gets kidnapped, they can't find her, you know? But they can tell you where your DoorDash order is missing and where it's been or whatever, but you can't find one lady.

• 1:43:28Speaker 02

  That's wild that she's still.

• 1:43:29Theo Von?

  But she disappears from a porch, you got nothing?

• 1:43:31Speaker 02

  Right, right, but we're gonna move to the moon.

• 1:43:34Theo Von?

  Right, but we're gonna move to the moon. So yeah, I think there's like, some of it's that, it's like, oh, we need a trip to the moon, that'll get get people excited, you know what I'm saying? Like something to distract us.

• 1:43:42Speaker 02

  The pictures look crazy, though. You saw the pictures of Earth?

• 1:43:45Theo Von?

  I have seen them. Bring some of them up.

• 1:43:46Speaker 02

  That's why it's wild. It's like.

• 1:43:49Theo Von?

  But I think, yeah, it could be that maybe something is, do you ever start to worry that something is gonna happen to Earth and that that's why there's like, I mean, because it's kind of, it seems like a weird time to send some people out to look at the moon. Do you agree?

• 1:44:01Speaker 02

  I think anytime, I don't know if there's ever a right time. I guess I agree with you. I'm always thinking something's gonna happen.

• 1:44:07Theo Von?

  I think maybe right after Christmas or something, you send a couple guys out.

• 1:44:10Speaker 02

  They always have those, they always have those things where it's like, uh, those, um, predictions from like Aristotle, like it's like, you know, or like they predicted in the future.

• 1:44:22Theo Von?

  Like Nostradamus?

• 1:44:22Speaker 02

  Nostradamus, yeah. Uh, and it's like, have they come true?

• 1:44:27Theo Von?

  That's a good question, dude. Oh, these are some of the photos?

• 1:44:32Theo Von?

  I mean, bro, it's pretty

• 1:44:35Theo Von?

  wild that we're out here like that. And dude, you're telling me this shit. Hold on. You're telling me the best we can do is some guy takes this with his thumb in front of the thing?

• 1:44:48Theo Von?

  That's the kind of shit that makes me feel like, I know it makes you-

• 1:44:50Speaker 02

  I would have deleted that one. I would have deleted that one, you know, like-

• 1:44:57Speaker 02

  Yeah, man, I can't imagine seeing that with my own eyes, though. That's wild.

• 1:45:00Theo Von?

  And then the moon, bro, that bitch is vibey, though. She's mixed.

• 1:45:04Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:45:06Theo Von?

  She's mixed for sure, dude. Oh, look at that.

• 1:45:10Theo Von?

  I don't know, dude. I don't, I mean, I think I'm, I think I-

• 1:45:13Speaker 02

  Who wants to live there? It's just-

• 1:45:16Theo Von?

  I don't know. It looks like I don't know.

• 1:45:21Speaker 02

  You ever do zero gravity?

• 1:45:24Speaker 02

  Like, you ever do that floating around, like, the space-

• 1:45:26Theo Von?

  I've never done it, have you?

• 1:45:28Speaker 02

  No, my buddy did it. He said it's it's one of the craziest things he's ever felt in his life. Man, just flying. Just flying in this room right now. Like, if you just stood up and pushed, if you pushed yourself off the chair and just just started floating over there-

• 1:45:41Theo Von?

  Just went like that?

• 1:45:42Speaker 02

  That's gotta be wild.

• 1:45:44Theo Von?

  As long as I make that sound while I float. If I don't make that sound, bro, I don't believe it.

• 1:45:49Speaker 02

  I want to do that. I would really want to do that. Like, to at least feel that sensation.

• 1:45:53Theo Von?

  I wonder, dude, I can't even imagine, like, some of the fa- like, imagine, like, you're the children, and this is kind of sad, but I don't mean it in, like, a real sad way, I guess. I just mean it in some curiosity of emotion. Like, your parent or your brother or something is, like, going up to the moon at that time. Because the Challenger, like, was it headed to the moon?

• 1:46:14Theo Von?

  Great question, huh?

• 1:46:15Speaker 02

  I feel like, I feel like, yes, because where else would it be going?

• 1:46:19Theo Von?

  Bro, they were blasting people out into whatever. It would be like- you know, they were just, they were just trying to get, like, shoot extra scenes for Air Bud up there. The space shuttle was on a low-Earth-orbit space truck and did not have the engine power or fuel capacity to reach the moon. No, the Challenger was not headed to the moon.

• 1:46:39Theo Von?

  The shuttle mission that tragically ended in a disaster was scheduled for a six-day mission in orbit around Earth to deploy a communications satellite and study Halley's Comet. Damn. Imagine how excited you must have been. I wonder if they were scared before. Is there any interviews of those people right before they left?

• 1:46:55Speaker 02

  Oh, jeez, yeah.

• 1:46:58Theo Von?

  Just to also kind of honor them a little bit. What date did that happen as well, Trevin? Do you know?

• 1:47:03Speaker 02

  Eighty, I feel like it was like mid, mid eighty-six?

• 1:47:09Theo Von?

  Wow. Eighty-six, so we're coming up on a forty year anniversary of it.

• 1:47:13Speaker 07

  First ordinary citizen. I mean, you're expected to be the ordinary speaker who's out there.

• 1:47:17Speaker 02

  That was a year after Amy and Stu Shankman got married.

• 1:47:20Theo Von?

  That was what?

• 1:47:21Speaker 02

  Two months after Amy and Stu Shankman got married.

• 1:47:26Theo Von?

  Okay, this is Krista McCauley.

• 1:47:31Speaker 04

  The teaching profession and students and the whole country is really going to benefit from this. We hopefully are going to know an awful lot more about what life is like aboard the shuttle.

• 1:47:42Theo Von?

  Cold coffee. Sounds like she's from Rhode Island a little bit. Where was she from?

• 1:47:52Speaker 02

  Yeah, you were right.

• 1:47:53Theo Von?

  That's pretty close.

• 1:47:53Speaker 02

  Isn't that close? That's really close.

• 1:47:55Theo Von?

  Yeah.

• 1:47:57Speaker 02

  Still close.

• 1:47:58Theo Von?

  Close enough.

• 1:47:59Speaker 02

  Yeah. Rhode Island, it's right there.

• 1:48:01Theo Von?

  She reminded me of the lady who was like cold coffee, iced coffee. You seen that lady? I think we talked about this before. You haven't?

• 1:48:05Speaker 02

  No.

• 1:48:06Theo Von?

  Bring up the lady at the Dunkin' Donuts that burned down. Sorry.

• 1:48:11Theo Von?

  This is the problem with the internet, dude. We're trying to pay homage or homage to Krista McCauley. And then bring up that, yeah, Dunkin' Donuts.

• 1:48:24Theo Von?

  You seen this? You haven't? With my boy Dutch. Dude, you never seen this?

• 1:48:28Speaker 02

  No.

• 1:48:28Theo Von?

  This is, uh, hold on, I gotta tell the lore of it. Jim Norton put us on this. And this has carried on now for like almost ten years when a Dunkin' Donuts burned down in Shamokene. Coffee shop in Shamokene is closed following an arson over the weekend. Police say a teenager is responsible for all that damage. He's watched Sixteenth. Nikki cries. Join us live from the Central Pennsylvania newsroom with more tonight. Nikki?

• 1:48:52Speaker 04

  Julie, a lot of people in Shamokene are upset that Dunkin' Donuts is closed because they didn't have anywhere else to go for coffee and donuts. Today, we also learned new information about the teenage girl police charged with setting the place on fire.

• 1:49:07Speaker 04

  Yellow tape surrounds the Dunkin' Donuts on West Sunbury Street in Shamokene. The popular donut shop is closed until further notice because of extensive fire damage. There's a lot of people that stuff in it. We're gonna miss it, no doubt about it. A teenager is charged with starting a fire inside the restaurant on Saturday night. Shamoken Police Officer Ray Psycho says no one was hurt, but the place has extensive damage. Psycho says the fire was started inside the women's bathroom. The toilet paper dispenser was lit on fire and within about a minute, the entire place was filled up with smoke.

• 1:49:42Speaker 02

  I feel sick. Her mother did explain that she's recently been put on new medication. Ray Psycho. For what reason? You're like a psycho.

• 1:49:48Speaker 04

  The thirteen year old who admitted to setting the fire is currently at a juvenile detention center.

• 1:49:52Speaker 02

  They showing blurred pictures of them?

• 1:49:53Speaker 04

  Many people who live in Shamoken are upset that Dunkin' Donuts is closed. Now I have to rely on myself to go to maybe a Turkey Hill or something where I don't like their donuts. I'd rather the donuts at Dunkin' Donuts. And I'm kinda dealing with it, but I really miss Dunkin' Donuts.

• 1:50:12Theo Von?

  Oh, this guy's the best, oh boy. This is my boy Dutch Smith right here, bro.

• 1:50:16Speaker 05

  Chicken baker croissant, or I get some coffee, powerade if I'm dehydrated. I sit there all the time. If I have any like legal work that I need to do, I go there. I meet with my attorneys there.

• 1:50:27Speaker 02

  Legal work? Did he say legal work?

• 1:50:29Speaker 05

  I sit there all the time. If I have any like legal work that I need to do, I go there. I meet with my attorneys there.

• 1:50:35Speaker 04

  I'm gonna miss that place.

• 1:50:37Theo Von?

  And then this is a lady, and Jim Norton dressed up like this lady for Halloween.

• 1:50:41Speaker 02

  No, did he?

• 1:50:42Theo Von?

  Yeah, one year, which was the best thing I've ever seen. I hope he does it again allegedly. And uh, but let's get, let's start at the beginning of her again.

• 1:50:50Speaker 04

  I'm gonna miss that place when it, if it don't open up. Damn, a lot of my friends go in there, get the cold coffee, the iced coffee, I guess it's called. People miss their.

• 1:51:01Theo Von?

  Yeah, there you go.

• 1:51:02Speaker 02

  Oh my gosh, dude.

• 1:51:04Theo Von?

  But when she said coffee, it reminded me a little bit of uh, of McCullough. Yeah. Oh, and go look at the comments on there. Is there any great comments on their Google reviews? There's gotta be.

• 1:51:15Speaker 02

  Oh, so funny. Went for a donut, place burned down.

• 1:51:18Theo Von?

  No, I said that.

• 1:51:19Speaker 02

  No, no, I'm saying, uh, two stars.

• 1:51:23Theo Von?

  Here we go. Not open due to being set on fire, but other, but otherwise a classy place to hydrate. Or so I'm told. That's Nicholas Sordi right there.

• 1:51:35Theo Von?

  Now I have to rely on myself to go to maybe a Turkey Hill where I don't like their donuts, or I'd rather the donuts at Dunkin' Donuts. And I'm kinda dealing with it, but I really miss Dunkin' Donuts. Shout out Felix Swertau.

• 1:51:49Theo Von?

  Oh, it's the best, dude.

• 1:51:51Speaker 02

  Dude, you said Air Bud before and it made me think like,

• 1:51:55Speaker 02

  there were so many dog movies when I was growing up. So many dog celebrities, right?

• 1:52:01Theo Von?

  Rin Tin Tin?

• 1:52:03Speaker 02

  Rin Tin Tin, right? Yeah, the Chihuahua, you know, the, are there any more?

• 1:52:07Theo Von?

  The Talk About Chihuahua?

• 1:52:08Speaker 02

  Yeah, what happened?

• 1:52:10Theo Von?

  Remember him?

• 1:52:10Speaker 02

  The Talk About Chihuahua?

• 1:52:11Theo Von?

  The Talk About Chihuahua. You don't remember him?

• 1:52:14Speaker 02

  I remember him, I brought him up!

• 1:52:16Theo Von?

  Turner and Hooch?

• 1:52:17Speaker 02

  Dude, what happened to Dog Hollywood? What happened to Dog Hollywood? Lassie, Benji, Cujo, Clifford, Air Bud, Spud's Mackenzie? It was all these dogs, like, big, big dog personalities.

• 1:52:30Theo Von?

  Heathcliff, Snoopy.

• 1:52:32Speaker 02

  Snoopy!

• 1:52:37Speaker 02

  Yeah, there's more.

• 1:52:38Theo Von?

  The other ones.

• 1:52:38Speaker 02

  Yeah, there's more.

• 1:52:39Theo Von?

  There's more. All Dogs Go to Heaven, there was a lot.

• 1:52:40Speaker 02

  Oh, Turner and Hooch.

• 1:52:41Theo Von?

  Turner and Hooch.

• 1:52:44Speaker 02

  But I'm saying, like, there were, like, big, bankable dog stars.

• 1:52:48Theo Von?

  Right.

• 1:52:49Speaker 02

  You don't, you don't see that much anymore.

• 1:52:50Theo Von?

  That's a great point. Yeah, I wonder what happened? Why are there no more animal stars in Hollywood?

• 1:52:57Theo Von?

  Animal stars are disappearing from Hollywood primarily due to the rise of sophisticated CGI and AI.

• 1:53:02Speaker 02

  Ah!

• 1:53:04Theo Von?

  I don't know if I feel like that's true, though.

• 1:53:06Speaker 02

  Yeah, I mean, yeah, because it's not the same. You don't need to, you know what I mean?

• 1:53:10Theo Von?

  Right, people know the love of a dog, they want that. You can't replace it.

• 1:53:14Speaker 02

  Right, yeah. I think, I think we're primed and ready for our next big dog star, probably.

• 1:53:19Theo Von?

  Imagine the tour he would go on?

• 1:53:21Speaker 02

  Is Air Bud still doing, is Air Bud still doing it?

• 1:53:24Theo Von?

  I don't know. I know I read the other day that they're gonna get, uh, that some dogs can now live longer based on some new medicines that they're giving them. They can live a lot longer.

• 1:53:34Speaker 02

  Really?

• 1:53:34Theo Von?

  And some people are happy about it and some people apparently were not. They're only expecting their dog to live for so long.

• 1:53:39Speaker 02

  Well, that's, I want a dog, but I, I can't get one right now. I gotta wait till, like, I stop touring so much and the kids are little. But like, I want a dog, but one of the reasons I, I'm hesitant is because like, You're really signing yourself up for a heartache in like 10 to 12 years or something. You know, like my dogs all died eight years, 10 years, 12 years, 14 years.

• 1:53:58Theo Von?

  Oh, yeah, bro.

• 1:53:59Speaker 02

  I mean, if that's a real thing, like is that a real, if they're giving them medicine or whatever to help them live longer?

• 1:54:05Theo Von?

  Yeah.

• 1:54:06Speaker 02

  I buy into that.

• 1:54:07Theo Von?

  Yeah, will you look that up for me? Hamsters and grandparents, so it's like how children learn about about death a lot of times, you know?

• 1:54:16Speaker 02

  Oh, yeah.

• 1:54:17Theo Von?

  In a sad way.

• 1:54:17Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:54:18Theo Von?

  It's like you need that element to teach your kid to give your kid a, you know, a gateway to death or whatever, like a way to see it. But they had Sounder, that was a huge movie, remember that? They had Old Yeller.

• 1:54:29Speaker 02

  Old Yeller, that's another one.

• 1:54:31Theo Von?

  That was a huge movie?

• 1:54:32Speaker 02

  Yes.

• 1:54:32Theo Von?

  That was a huge movie.

• 1:54:33Speaker 02

  Yeah, that was massive. That was back in the little prairie, house on the prairie times.

• 1:54:38Theo Von?

  A San Francisco biotech company, Loyal, is developing drugs aimed at extending dogs' healthy lifespans by lowering high levels of the hormone IGF-1, which accelerates aging in larger dogs, the leading candidates including the daily pill. Their leading candidates, including the daily pill, L O Y O O two. The drugs work by reducing levels of insulin-like growth factor one, a hormone that drives rapid growth in young dogs, but contributes to faster aging and shorter lifespan in larger mature dogs.

• 1:55:08Speaker 02

  I thought you, I thought you'd be asking me.

• 1:55:10Theo Von?

  Oh, no, I just saw some

• 1:55:11Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:55:11Theo Von?

  information about this the other day that was really interesting.

• 1:55:16Theo Von?

  What else was in the news that was something that was kind of worth discussing? I don't know if we want to go down too many heavy roads. Oh, has there been something your children have wanted to ask for?

• 1:55:26Theo Von?

  That you had to say no, like, or is there like, like a tough parenting thing that you kind of like?

• 1:55:32Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:55:32Theo Von?

  Like, just tell me what some of that's like, give me something from like the parenting world, because I'm just curious about it.

• 1:55:36Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah, yeah. My, my daughter went through a sleep regression recently, so like

• 1:55:40Theo Von?

  Sleep what?

• 1:55:41Speaker 02

  Regression.

• 1:55:41Theo Von?

  Okay.

• 1:55:42Speaker 02

  So like, she, she sleeps through the night fine, but then, you know, they start developing, their brain starts developing, they start having dreams and, you know, and they get a little more like, they start to understand stuff more. So like, we'd watch like Home Alone all the time, right? She loves Home Alone. And she just saw it at face value, she loved it, she knew what was going on, like she was two, but she like got everything. She got a little older and then she start then out of nowhere, even though she watched Home Alone like fifty times, she like started to get scared from it, uh, from Marvin Harry.

• 1:56:11Theo Von?

  Yeah.

• 1:56:11Speaker 02

  Right. So one day like she kept, she kept saying like in the car, she'd be like, Dad, are Marvin Harry following us? Like out of nowhere one day. And I'm like, no, they're not, they're not. Are Marvin Harry after us?

• 1:56:20Theo Von?

  Oh, that's scary.

• 1:56:22Speaker 02

  They're not after us at all. They're after Kevin's toys. So trying to make it, you know?

• 1:56:26Theo Von?

  Oh, yeah.

• 1:56:27Speaker 02

  All right, but are they gonna come for me? I'm like, no, Marvin Harry are fun. They're just after Kevin's toys. Kevin's gonna put them through the wringer. It's all good. And then like in the middle of the night, she'd be like, Dad, Dad, I'm scared upstairs. And I would come and she'd be like, are Marvin Harry coming? And I'm like, my wife's like, you shouldn't have made her watch Home Alone. I'm like, she loved it. It wasn't until recently that she started getting scared, you know what I mean? But she'll call and be like, so you can't go up there. You have to go up there. Like this is what got really hard, like going up there, like, they're always testing the limits of what they can control and not control and pushing boundaries. So that's the whole few years. It's like, they're pushing boundaries. So they try to see what they can get over on you. Like so if you, if they want you to come upstairs and they cry and that brings you upstairs,

• 1:57:11Speaker 02

  they know that they're gonna get you upstairs every time.

• 1:57:14Theo Von?

  Ah.

• 1:57:14Speaker 02

  You have to break that habit. You have to like, so, so there's times where it's like, she's like crying and be like, Dad, please come upstairs. And I'm like downstairs and like, you can't, you can't go up.

• 1:57:25Theo Von?

  Damn.

• 1:57:26Speaker 02

  You know, and it's the worst feeling because you want to run as soon as she's like.

• 1:57:30Theo Von?

  But you know it's a trap.

• 1:57:32Speaker 02

  It's a trap. But like, but also she's cunning. Like she'll, she'll say shit that she knows is gonna tug at my heartstrings. I'd have to ignore her crying. And she'll start saying stuff like, Dad, please, Dad, I'm, I, I need you. I miss you. Like, you know.

• 1:57:48Theo Von?

  Right. This ship is leaving the shore, just things that she's seen.

• 1:57:53Speaker 02

  And you're like, I'm like literally like, uh, downstairs, like she doesn't see me, but I'm like right under the door. Me and my wife are sitting there and I'm just like, I got tears in my eyes. I'm just like, I need to go, you know? You can't. It's tough. It's tough.

• 1:58:05Theo Von?

  So parenting, uh, so yeah, you gotta really like, I guess you have to be the dad. You have to, sometimes you have to be the leader, huh? And sometimes you, you want to just be the, that, the, the buddy?

• 1:58:15Speaker 02

  I want them to be able to like, they want to sleep. She'll be like, please, can I come sleep with you guys? I wanna, I wanted her to do that so bad, but like, we can't do it because like it opens up, you know, like then it's like. You know.

• 1:58:26Theo Von?

  Oh, yeah.

• 1:58:27Speaker 02

  But some, I know families that sleep, that all the kids sleep in the bed and that's that, but like, you know, it could be tough. Like if you have, we have work and travel a lot and stuff like that.

• 1:58:35Theo Von?

  Yeah. If you're not a little house on the prairie, then that's kind of like back then, yeah, you need it for warmth and stuff. And it's like that.

• 1:58:41Speaker 02

  Yeah. But I want to do it, but I, I've so far, we haven't done it because I just feel like I don't want to start bad habits, you know, but.

• 1:58:48Theo Von?

  And is it tough with like with your wife, you have to debate on what are good habits and bad habits? Like is it, is it, or do you guys communicate?

• 1:58:54Speaker 02

  Yeah, we're on the same page. It's pretty, it's pretty straightforward, you know, like, but uh, it's, you're gonna, you, you want kids?

• 1:59:01Theo Von?

  Yeah.

• 1:59:01Speaker 02

  Yeah. We talk about this a lot. You should have kids.

• 1:59:03Theo Von?

  Yeah, I'm gonna have some kids.

• 1:59:04Speaker 02

  If you do, like, if you, if you want kids, have kids, you know, like.

• 1:59:09Theo Von?

  I think I do. I mean, I think the most you can get to is like, I think I want them, I really, I like, nobody's like, if you're like yelling in the park or whatever, I want kids, you're gonna go to jail, you know? Or, or you're gonna get elected.

• 1:59:23Theo Von?

  But if you're just like.

• 1:59:25Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:59:25Theo Von?

  But so I think the safest thing I say, yeah, I think I would really like to have kids. I'll have to have a spouse that is like, we can go down that road together. Um, and then, you know, some of it, I think it's like, if that's gonna be part of God, if God wants that for me in my life, you know? And if I'm willing to set my life up enough where it's a possibility, because God, I don't think he would, he would bless me with children if it wasn't like a safest environment either, you know?

• 1:59:46Speaker 02

  Sure. I, I think you should do it. I always tell you that.

• 1:59:49Theo Von?

  But yeah, I would like to have, I think more and more, I would like to have that.

• 1:59:53Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:59:53Theo Von?

  You know, I would like to have the chance to love something that's different and to have like a new, different type of like connection in the world, you know, just to experience what connections there are because it's, I'm sure it's like totally different. I mean, last time you hear you were saying just how different it is.

• 2:00:07Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, you gotta do it. You gotta do it, especially if you want them, because it's not, it's, there's nothing better. You'll be, you'll feel so fulfilled, man.

• 2:00:14Theo Von?

  Yeah.

• 2:00:15Speaker 02

  Yeah, you'll feel so fulfilled.

• 2:00:17Theo Von?

  And I want probably six or five kids, bro.

• 2:00:20Speaker 02

  I know. I, that's, it's like, when you start having, you'll see.

• 2:00:23Theo Von?

  Or, yeah.

• 2:00:24Speaker 02

  You'll see like you won't, you want as many as possible. It's that, that's why people just keep having them. Dude, in the old days, man, people had them with reckless abandon.

• 2:00:31Theo Von?

  Bro, people would have a kid, they'd be like, oh, where's my kid? They'd be at the store, they would leave a kid, they'd have to come back, hey, we left a kid in your shelf or whatever.

• 2:00:38Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 2:00:39Theo Von?

  Some kids in the freezer, he's just like, yeah.

• 2:00:41Speaker 02

  People used to have kids back in the day, so many kids that like, some of them would just like.

• 2:00:45Theo Von?

  Perish.

• 2:00:46Speaker 02

  Perish, and then they were just like, ah, we lost a couple of them.

• 2:00:48Theo Von?

  Yeah.

• 2:00:49Speaker 02

  You know?

• 2:00:49Theo Von?

  Albert stayed in.

• 2:00:50Speaker 02

  We still have ten of them, but we lost a couple.

• 2:00:52Theo Von?

  Yeah. Albert stayed in Mankato, we didn't, we hadn't seen, you know?

• 2:00:55Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 2:00:55Theo Von?

  He stayed in Rochester.

• 2:00:57Speaker 02

  He wandered off, and we hope he's alright.

• 2:00:58Theo Von?

  I know, he wandered off in Rochester. Yeah, look, he had a bag of food with him. You know, you're like, that's crazy.

• 2:01:02Speaker 02

  I don't know how you focus on, you had, how many siblings you got?

• 2:01:05Theo Von?

  I just had one, two, three, four, three total.

• 2:01:07Speaker 02

  Okay.

• 2:01:08Theo Von?

  What'd you have?

• 2:01:09Speaker 02

  Besides me, three.

• 2:01:10Theo Von?

  Yeah.

• 2:01:10Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 2:01:10Theo Von?

  That's a fun amount.

• 2:01:11Speaker 02

  Yeah, you, so you're a family, you're, you had four of you guys still together, that's it. Yeah, yeah.

• 2:01:16Theo Von?

  Uh, if you could go back and be a kid, what's one moment you would go back to in your childhood? Like, uh, like, uh, was it like a birthday party or a time or like, it could just be a general, it doesn't have to be specific either?

• 2:01:28Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 2:01:30Theo Von?

  Like, what was like the funnest holiday you guys had or something? Was there one that was just?

• 2:01:34Speaker 02

  Going to my grandma, my grandma would host Christmas, and like, all the cousins would come over. And, uh, that was fun, cause she had like this really old house, that was a two-family with a big basement and a big old attic.

• 2:01:45Theo Von?

  Yeah.

• 2:01:45Speaker 02

  And we all used to go up in the attic and cause like hijinks and hide and shit. And, uh, like, I just, like that, those, those days were the, were the best days. Where you could just like run around the house playing hide and seek and like feel like it was the best thing that ever happened to you.

• 2:01:58Theo Von?

  Yeah.

• 2:01:59Speaker 02

  Yeah. Just, not all this bullshit, like you didn't know anything yet, it was just about playing, hanging out, you know?

• 2:02:07Theo Von?

  I know. At the world, yeah, it seems like it should be able to be such a simpler world, doesn't it? That's the thing that I think gets me a lot, it's like.

• 2:02:14Speaker 02

  Go hang out in the woods.

• 2:02:15Theo Von?

  Yeah.

• 2:02:16Speaker 02

  Like. Like when I was young, there was like, it was so mu- much less like un- like underdeveloped.

• 2:02:23Theo Von?

  Oh, yeah.

• 2:02:23Speaker 02

  And there was just like patches of woods everywhere.

• 2:02:25Theo Von?

  Oh, there was native of American shit. You'd have a guy to chisel a fucking couple tits into a, you know, into a birch tree or whatever. You'd have somebody, you know, there was like a grave somewhere, somebody just-

• 2:02:35Speaker 02

  Chisel a couple of tits into a birch tree.

• 2:02:37Theo Von?

  Buried somebody, like the woods used to be crazy, bro, because you'd see some guy been living there.

• 2:02:42Speaker 02

  Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah.

• 2:02:43Theo Von?

  There'd be some pornography or whatever.

• 2:02:45Speaker 02

  Yeah, always.

• 2:02:46Theo Von?

  Somebody buried pornography, but they, you know, they'd draw like an arrow. It's like, hey, pornography. So they didn't forget where it was. It was like, dude.

• 2:02:52Speaker 02

  That's where I saw my first porn mag was in the woods.

• 2:02:55Theo Von?

  Everybody, which is crazy, bro. But you're right there with nature, dude. Oh, dude, I remember the first time I masturbated, bro. I didn't even know what was gonna happen with like your body or whatever. And I remember like something kinda like kinda came outside of my body and I remember trying to put it back into my penis with my finger.

• 2:03:12Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 2:03:13Theo Von?

  And I heard my mom like downstairs and I was like trying to get it all back in.

• 2:03:16Speaker 02

  Before she, yeah.

• 2:03:21Theo Von?

  So, yeah, I was like, yeah, so obviously, yeah, I had a lot of intimacy issues over the years, bro. Well, let's get this quest, let's get this answer in, dude. Early eighteen hundreds, um, let me see. Over the past three centuries, the average number of children per woman in most of the world has declined sharply, roughly from five to seven kids per woman in the early eighteen hundreds to two point two five per kids per woman today in many countries.

• 2:03:44Speaker 02

  I think it's even less than that now.

• 2:03:46Theo Von?

  Yeah.

• 2:03:46Speaker 02

  I think I read something where they said like, uh, people are having the least amount of kids that in, in, in history right now.

• 2:03:53Theo Von?

  Maybe there'll be a rebirth of it, you know? Maybe there'll be something new that happens. I, do you, do you feel like, I feel like, you know, I didn't want to get into like import, like heavy stuff today, but there's just like, it feels like it's a tough time in the world for a lot of people.

• 2:04:06Speaker 02

  Dude, do you imagine like Octomom? You like you have eight babies in your stomach? You get you give birth to eight babies at the same exact time?

• 2:04:14Theo Von?

  That's dark shit. Look at and look at that thing she had on her, bro. It's like whenever you ever see that spider that's got the big thing on it like it's pregnant?

• 2:04:20Speaker 02

  Yeah, that's wild, bro. Imagine you have no kids and then you have eight kids.

• 2:04:26Theo Von?

  Yeah.

• 2:04:27Speaker 05

  I think she already had like five kids.

• 2:04:29Speaker 02

  Oh, my God. Are you serious?

• 2:04:31Speaker 05

  Yeah, I just watched a documentary on that.

• 2:04:33Speaker 02

  How do you? How do you give the time you need to each of these kids? Yo, what do you do when you you want people like like they like? Guess what? Twins and they're like, oh, my God, two. How are we gonna do this? Like eight, bro, eight? How do you even? How do you even? What's the first thing you do when there's eight? There's eight two day old babies. It's like you're like Tamagotchis. Like you're like literally just have to like.

• 2:04:58Theo Von?

  Check the batteries on all of them.

• 2:04:59Speaker 02

  Holy shit.

• 2:05:01Theo Von?

  Dude, get you some iced coffee, cold coffee. Iced coffee.

• 2:05:05Speaker 02

  You have a Tamagotchi?

• 2:05:07Theo Von?

  No, I never had one.

• 2:05:07Speaker 02

  Do you remember that?

• 2:05:08Theo Von?

  Oh, I do remember them and it didn't hit us super hard. Our family.

• 2:05:12Speaker 02

  I was a little older.

• 2:05:13Theo Von?

  We weren't into like a lot of the Asian kind of stuff that much. We was like doing Hulk Hogan type of shit. Dude, I remember I had to do a roast of this of the Nadia Suliman, who was the Okta mom.

• 2:05:23Speaker 02

  Did you have to?

• 2:05:23Theo Von?

  Who had eight children, who was kind of a celebrity for a while, was it? Or not a celebrity, I mean, everybody's kind of a celebrity these days, but she was like kind of in the limelight or whatever, you know?

• 2:05:32Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 2:05:32Theo Von?

  For that, yeah.

• 2:05:33Speaker 02

  You roasted her?

• 2:05:34Theo Von?

  We had a roast and dude, I remember I got there and I thought it'd be fun and everything. And you get there and you're like, oh, this feels, there's part of it that feels really mean.

• 2:05:42Speaker 02

  Oh, really? Do you mind making the jokes?

• 2:05:44Theo Von?

  I mean, they were ea- I mean, some of them were probably good and some were probably not good.

• 2:05:50Speaker 02

  What what what scenario was she being ro- why was she being roasted?

• 2:05:52Theo Von?

  It was just a it was a the Ha Ha Comedy Cafe over there in, uh, over there, yeah, Burbank.

• 2:05:58Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 2:05:58Theo Von?

  It's kind of off, it's off language, I think, but, um. Yeah, Jack Jr., his family over there, it's their club, it's a great spot.

• 2:06:05Speaker 02

  Yeah, I've done some spots.

• 2:06:06Theo Von?

  Yeah, and so, um. But they had the roast of her there and that but and it was just other people were on the the dais on the docket or whatever. And it just like, it was interesting, it was fun.

• 2:06:16Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 2:06:17Theo Von?

  But it was also like, there was a moment you're like, oh, this is me, because they're sitting right there and you think like.

• 2:06:21Speaker 02

  The kids were there?

• 2:06:26Speaker 02

  Bro, it's like eight kids just staring at you rip on them.

• 2:06:30Theo Von?

  That'd be crazy, bro.

• 2:06:32Speaker 02

  She was, oh, she was there.

• 2:06:33Theo Von?

  She was there, but it was just kind of a lot, bro. And I couldn't tell if she was trying to flirt or whatever. And I was like, I'm getting out of here, you know?

• 2:06:40Speaker 02

  Yeah, you can't, you can't even, you need to wear two condoms.

• 2:06:44Theo Von?

  Oh, I wouldn't even sneeze.

• 2:06:45Speaker 02

  God forbid.

• 2:06:46Theo Von?

  You got, yeah, you can't even sneeze. I wouldn't even let an eyelash fall out around her.

• 2:06:50Speaker 02

  The next thing you know, you have eight children.

• 2:06:52Theo Von?

  Oh, and blessings to her children. Let's get a gander at them. I want to see them. And who knows, now she may, you know, I, I can't imagine what that's like. No way updated.

• 2:07:01Speaker 02

  Oh, is that them now? They all look like?

• 2:07:03Theo Von?

  Wow, they look healthy and good.

• 2:07:05Speaker 02

  Yeah, they look like they all, like they look like they weren't one of eight.

• 2:07:11Theo Von?

  Yeah.

• 2:07:11Speaker 02

  They look like they were their own.

• 2:07:13Theo Von?

  Imagine how that's got to be to break out of like, you know?

• 2:07:16Speaker 02

  Well, I mean, how much could they have weighed when they were born? Yeah, you got eight kids in there.

• 2:07:21Theo Von?

  You got eight kids. I probably, I would guess how much they weighed. Let's guess and we'll, and we'll wager whoever wins.

• 2:07:28Speaker 02

  What's the prize?

• 2:07:29Theo Von?

  Uh, I don't know. Do something for like, uh, moon research or whatever. Thirty dollars towards moon research.

• 2:07:38Speaker 02

  Thirty dollars towards moon research?

• 2:07:40Theo Von?

  I think it's probably going to end up somehow going to Israel, but we'll just, we'll call it moon research.

• 2:07:46Speaker 02

  I think, um, you got to size eight. If there were five, there's no way she could be.

• 2:07:51Theo Von?

  This is a good game show question, isn't it?

• 2:07:52Speaker 02

  Yeah, it is, right? There's no way she'd be walking around with, the average kid when they're born is like six, seven pounds, right? So there's no way she's walking around with 50 pounds of kids in there.

• 2:08:03Theo Von?

  Right, yeah, that's, that's a lot. Now look at the, you can get a gander at her right there. When she got that front really launched and that thing.

• 2:08:11Speaker 02

  Yeah, that is crazy. So I'm going to say, I'm going to say they were about, they had about three and a half pounds each, something like that.

• 2:08:19Theo Von?

  You going three and a half? I'm gonna go, I'm gonna go, yeah, 3.15.

• 2:08:24Speaker 02

  That's still crazy. That's still 20 something pounds a kid in there.

• 2:08:27Theo Von?

  Oh, you're right. You're right. Yeah, that's crazy. Nevermind.

• 2:08:28Speaker 02

  But they can't be much less than three pounds.

• 2:08:30Theo Von?

  I'm going 2.2.

• 2:08:32Speaker 02

  All right, 2.2, which means for eight kids, she was still hauling around 17 pounds.

• 2:08:36Theo Von?

  Yeah, 17 pounds.

• 2:08:37Speaker 02

  17 pounds, that's, 2.2 is a small kid. Well, does it, can we find out?

• 2:08:43Theo Von?

  3.4.

• 2:08:44Speaker 02

  Oh, no way.

• 2:08:45Theo Von?

  On the Suliman Octopulets before, oh.

• 2:08:49Speaker 05

  Octuplets.

• 2:08:50Theo Von?

  Octuplets. Born on January 26, 2009, weighed between 1 pound 8 ounces and 3 pounds 4 ounces. Oh, so some of them.

• 2:08:58Speaker 02

  Oh, that's double the other kid. A 1 pound 8 ounce kid is wild, bro. That's wild. When were they born? 2009? That's about 24 years after Amy and Stu Shankman got married.

• 2:09:15Theo Von?

  Hey.

• 2:09:18Theo Von?

  God bless the Shankmans. And we wish them a million more years. If you ever get to meet with them, man, I want to see the, I want to see, I want to see the tape of you guys meeting up together. Um, Sal, you got, uh, Minush, your new show.

• 2:09:33Speaker 02

  Minush is in the show and, uh, Foul Play.

• 2:09:35Theo Von?

  Foul Play is on now on TBS. People can check it out with Anthony Davis and he's, he's in every episode.

• 2:09:40Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 2:09:41Theo Von?

  Okay, great.

• 2:09:41Speaker 02

  He's in every, and all of the athletes and stars and stuff like that. And, uh, yeah, I'm on tour, salvacanocomedy.com for tickets.

• 2:09:50Speaker 02

  Got up to June announced, but I'm going to be doing all of Canada in October and I'm going to be doing UK and Europe in 27. Yeah, yeah. And then probably come back around and get the last few cities I haven't gotten to here, maybe film this next special, maybe in Boston or something like that.

• 2:10:02Theo Von?

  I love Boston.

• 2:10:03Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 2:10:04Theo Von?

  Do you think your family will go hitch a road with you?

• 2:10:05Speaker 02

  I'm going to try to maybe take them out to the UK.

• 2:10:07Theo Von?

  Yeah.

• 2:10:08Speaker 02

  Yeah, visit Ari out there and stuff.

• 2:10:09Theo Von?

  Oh, yeah.

• 2:10:11Speaker 02

  So that should be fun. And then, uh, yeah, and then what else? I guess, yeah, Jokers will be out starting July, it'll be season 13. It's crazy.

• 2:10:20Theo Von?

  Well, um, you guys can find everything. We'll share all the links, man, and we'll share everything for you, dude. And Sal, thanks for coming and just spending time with us and.

• 2:10:26Speaker 02

  Of course, man. Thanks for having me. I love you.

• 2:10:28Theo Von?

  It's kind of cool. I love you too, man. And thanks for just telling us about the Shankmans and just.

• 2:10:32Speaker 02

  Let's find them. I, I can't wait. Yeah, I gotta look. We gotta, you're gonna help me find them.

• 2:10:36Theo Von?

  Amy and Stu, the Shankmans, they're looking for you. Um, all right. Blessings, bro. Thank you so much.

• 2:10:42Speaker 02

  Got it, baby.