Mom's Car: Kristen Bell

On our first ever episode of Mom’s Car we welcome Mom herself, award-winning actress and beloved spouse Kristen Bell. Kristen, Dax, and Best Friend Aaron Weakley talk through sim sizes of the Chevrolet Bolt and why Kristen loves hers so much she wanted multiple backups, BFAW describes the experience of receiving Dax’s big heart for the first time, the gang get their first delivery while processing assumptions about those who order food to their home, field a write-in question from a concerned impending empty nester, and debate one of Jonathan Haidt’s moral dumbfoundings. #sponsored by @Allstate. Go to https://bit.ly/momscar to check Allstate first and see how much you could save on car insurance. Follow Armchair Expert on the Wondery App or wherever you get your podcasts. Watch new content on YouTube or listen to Armchair Expert early and ad-free by joining Wondery+ in the Wondery App, Apple Podcasts, or Spotify. Start your free trial by visiting wondery.com/links/armchair-expert-with-dax-shepard/ http://www.wondery.com/links/armchair-expert-with-dax-shepard/ now. See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Speaker names marked ? are inferred from speaking time and the show’s known hosts — they are not voice-verified.

• 0:00Dax Shepard?

  Hello and welcome to Mom's Car. Not my mom's car, but my children's mom's car. Today, we have, very fittingly, as she was the first guest ever on Armchair Expert, my beloved wife, the queen of all queens, Kristen Bell. I mean, I really need to say it, but Frozen, and Nobody Wants This, and Die Hard, and Legends of the Fall, and Jaws. Please enjoy Kristen Bell. Some people just know they could save hundreds on car insurance by checking Allstate first. Like you know to check your phones in your pocket before leaving the house. Checking first is smart, so check Allstate first for a quote that could save you hundreds. You're in good hands with Allstate.

• 0:45Dax Shepard?

  Savings vary, subject to terms, conditions, and availability. Allstate North America Insurance Co. and Affiliates, Northbrook, Illinois.

• 1:10Dax Shepard?

  I want people to know how much you love this car. You could drive any kind of car you wanted. And obviously, as a car lover, I would always want to buy you a very nice car. But tell me about your car a little bit.

• 1:21Speaker 01

  Anyone who sees you in this little hot rod knows

• 1:26Dax Shepard?

  They're horny.

• 1:27Speaker 01

  That everybody likes it. Well, I'll tell you why I like it. She's small enough for me to park anywhere I want, on your lawn, if I so desire. I feel good about zipping around town. I don't feel tight or invasive. If I drive an SUV, I'm always a little scared I'm gonna kiss the curbs, mainly because I'll kiss the curbs.

• 1:44Dax Shepard?

  Sure, sure.

• 1:45Speaker 01

  She wasn't born a beauty queen, okay?

• 1:48Dax Shepard?

  The Bolt?

• 1:49Speaker 01

  No.

• 1:50Dax Shepard?

  Okay.

• 1:50Speaker 01

  I don't mind scratching her up. Look at the ceiling. Lincoln once tried to clean it and then never wiped the cleaner off the ceiling. It almost looks like white splatter paint.

• 1:59Dax Shepard?

  It looks like she used wax to try to clean it.

• 2:01Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 2:02Dax Shepard?

  As two previous car detailers, that looks like someone definitely

• 2:06Speaker 01

  There's a huge scratch back here, which I don't know if one of our daughters owns some sort of a blade.

• 2:11Dax Shepard?

  She's bringing a blade to school.

• 2:12Speaker 02

  You would never know how compact the car actually is by sitting in it.

• 2:16Dax Shepard?

  It's spacious.

• 2:17Speaker 02

  It's roomy, and then you look at it outside and it's a little

• 2:20Dax Shepard?

  It might be part of the SIM.

• 2:21Speaker 02

  Cute baby.

• 2:22Dax Shepard?

  Have you seen, this is a really good SIM GIF. GIF?

• 2:26Speaker 01

  GIF.

• 2:27Dax Shepard?

  GIF.

• 2:27Speaker 02

  GIF.

• 2:28Dax Shepard?

  A city bus is the same width as a car. They're in the same lane. Maybe it's six inches wider. Why is there two seats, a hallway,

• 2:39Speaker 01

  Look at the left.

• 2:40Dax Shepard?

  And two seats on the left when we're touching shoulders? Oh my god.

• 2:46Speaker 01

  I don't think it's the same. I see your point, but I don't think it's the same width.

• 2:51Dax Shepard?

  But it's only a few more inches. Yeah, you'd agree we're taking up 80% of the width of this lane. And then a bus is maybe taking up...

• 2:58Speaker 01

  No, because look at the car in front of us. That car is taking up 65%, 60%.

• 3:06Dax Shepard?

  Okay. Well, I do know the width of a bus.

• 3:09Speaker 01

  Of hand?

• 3:10Dax Shepard?

  Because we have one, yeah. I think it's 102 inches.

• 3:14Speaker 01

  We should measure this car and see the difference.

• 3:16Dax Shepard?

  We could chat it. So this is the same size as your bus? Well, it's like a foot! Yeah. And that's fine, I'll give it a foot, honey. But where's the extra three feet inside? If we run a bus, there'd be two other people over there. I'm not putting my glasses on to see you.

• 3:31Speaker 01

  In between a bus is like this much barely for your hips, no? It's not three feet.

• 3:36Dax Shepard?

  Well, hon, there's two seats, there's a hallway, then there's two seats across the hallway.

• 3:42Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 3:43Dax Shepard?

  And look at Aaron and I. Imagine there's a hallway next to them and then Aaron and I are over there.

• 3:49Speaker 01

  Yeah, I just don't think bus seats are that roomy.

• 3:53Dax Shepard?

  They're not as roomy as this, but just imagine getting two more people in a hallway within an extra foot of this space.

• 3:59Speaker 01

  I understand the concept.

• 4:01Dax Shepard?

  But you do reject it wholeheartedly.

• 4:03Speaker 01

  I don't think it's proof of the sim, no.

• 4:06Dax Shepard?

  Is not the least bit confusing to you?

• 4:09Speaker 01

  I'm Googling the width of a Chevy Bolt. I have a bolt, not a volt.

• 4:15Dax Shepard?

  Do you have chat on your phone?

• 4:16Speaker 01

  Yeah, 69... yeah, point five inches.

• 4:21Dax Shepard?

  Okay.

• 4:22Speaker 01

  69.5.

• 4:23Dax Shepard?

  70 inches.

• 4:24Speaker 01

  Hold on, if we're gonna be accurate, you can't start saying 70. I said 69.5.

• 4:28Dax Shepard?

  Okay.

• 4:28Speaker 01

  What is the width of a city bus?

• 4:35Dax Shepard?

  Sixty-two.

• 4:40Speaker 01

  Eight feet, four inches.

• 4:42Dax Shepard?

  So ninety-six.

• 4:44Speaker 01

  What is eight feet, point four inches?

• 4:48Dax Shepard?

  Ninety-six point four.

• 4:49Speaker 01

  In inches.

• 4:50Speaker 02

  A hundred.

• 4:51Speaker 01

  One hundred.

• 4:52Dax Shepard?

  Oops. Oh, that was embarrassing. I was caught on camera doing the math wrong.

• 4:57Speaker 02

  I don't know if this is happening in the same lane.

• 4:59Speaker 01

  One hundred minus sixty-nine point five.

• 5:02Dax Shepard?

  Hold on though. It was eight feet, yeah?

• 5:04Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 5:04Speaker 01

  Eight feet.

• 5:05Dax Shepard?

  Point four? Or eight foot four?

• 5:07Speaker 01

  Eight foot four.

• 5:08Dax Shepard?

  Okay, ninety-six plus four, I stand. So a hundred, so it's thirty, thirty point.

• 5:13Speaker 01

  One hundred minus sixty-nine point five.

• 5:15Dax Shepard?

  Thirty point five inches.

• 5:17Speaker 01

  Yeah, which is.

• 5:18Dax Shepard?

  Which is less than three feet. It's two and a half feet, exactly.

• 5:21Speaker 01

  Look at the car in front of us. There is easily two and a half feet if you combine both sides.

• 5:25Dax Shepard?

  Well, hold on one second though, my love.

• 5:26Speaker 01

  Okay.

• 5:27Dax Shepard?

  Thirty inches is two and a half feet. So if you added two and a half feet in here.

• 5:33Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 5:34Dax Shepard?

  That would get you maybe the hallway?

• 5:36Speaker 01

  I see. You're asking me to picture the inside of the bus.

• 5:40Dax Shepard?

  Yes.

• 5:41Speaker 01

  You know what our problem is and why Larry Mantle would poke a Swiss cheese-sized hole in this story?

• 5:47Dax Shepard?

  Yeah.

• 5:47Speaker 01

  When's the last time you were on a city bus?

• 5:49Dax Shepard?

  Hour and a half ago?

• 5:50Speaker 01

  No.

• 5:53Speaker 01

  We need to be on a city bus to really see if it's as spacious as we think.

• 5:59Dax Shepard?

  Well, all I do know for certain, and I know you would agree, it's two seats, a hallway, two seats. We were on those buses in Norway. We drove all around those mountain roads. And we're in two captain's chairs, then there's a hallway, and then two captain's chairs. So I'm just curious how you put two more captain's chairs and a hallway in two and a half feet.

• 6:16Speaker 01

  Understood.

• 6:17Speaker 02

  The airport shuttle from LAX to the Uber lot is like people on both sides. Luggage everywhere in a really wide hallway.

• 6:25Dax Shepard?

  A hallway you can bring your roll-on bag on.

• 6:28Speaker 01

  But are you thinking of a school bus? Because oftentimes, or sometimes, I believe, the buses, the seats face horizontally, not vertically. They face each other.

• 6:41Dax Shepard?

  You've been on a bus where they're facing each other?

• 6:43Speaker 01

  Yeah, on the airport shuttles.

• 6:45Speaker 02

  You're right.

• 6:45Dax Shepard?

  Oh, airport shuttle.

• 6:46Speaker 02

  Yes.

• 6:47Dax Shepard?

  Yes, I've been in both, and I think they often have both things.

• 6:51Speaker 01

  Do you take the airport shuttle a lot?

• 6:53Speaker 02

  Uh, yeah, to work.

• 6:56Speaker 02

  Every morning.

• 6:58Dax Shepard?

  To D C W.

• 6:59Speaker 01

  Have you been on a city bus recently?

• 7:02Speaker 02

  No, I haven't.

• 7:03Dax Shepard?

  Right, like a metro line. Okay, back to how much you love this car, though, because I think one of the cutest things you've ever done, honey, is that we were on a hike and you had heard terrible news that they were discontinuing the Bolt. You were panicked. And what did you ask me on the hike?

• 7:19Speaker 01

  I said, should we get another one?

• 7:20Speaker 02

  Oh, wait, how many?

• 7:22Dax Shepard?

  I remember it as, should we get a couple backups?

• 7:27Speaker 01

  Should we get, maybe I said one or two backups. But I just got nervous that if they don't make it anymore, I don't want a new fancy, I don't want to drive the Starship Enterprise. I have no interest in that. I want a car that's tactile, that has buttons that I can push, and that does what I want it to do with muscle memory. And I said, should we grab a backup?

• 7:51Dax Shepard?

  Or two?

• 7:52Speaker 01

  Two, before.

• 7:53Dax Shepard?

  Should we have three Bolts in the driveway? Do you remember what I said to you?

• 7:58Speaker 01

  No, you said no.

• 7:59Dax Shepard?

  You're stupid. Why did I marry you? Stop talking on this hike. Well, I have pointed out, and here we are now, a year and a half after that conversation. In this car, I'm looking at the odometer, it has 21,500 miles on it. And at the time of the conversation, the car had about 15,000 miles on it, and it was three years old. And I said, well, love, I think you're gonna be driving that same Bolt for another 15 to 20 years. At the rate of mileage you're putting on it, it's definitely gonna go 150,000 miles.

• 8:30Speaker 01

  And that made me feel a lot safer.

• 8:32Dax Shepard?

  How good.

• 8:33Speaker 01

  I don't know, what if somebody steals it?

• 8:36Dax Shepard?

  Yeah, you were thinking of it like as a great pair of shoes or any kind of fashion item.

• 8:41Speaker 01

  If you find the perfect pair of jeans, you get them in another color.

• 8:44Dax Shepard?

  Get some backups.

• 8:45Speaker 01

  You ever done that, Aaron?

• 8:46Dax Shepard?

  Duplicate?

• 8:47Speaker 02

  I have.

• 8:47Speaker 01

  Do you remember with what?

• 8:48Speaker 02

  A pair of kangaroos, and I used paper out money. They said they were going out of business. They were like, eight bucks.

• 8:57Dax Shepard?

  Oh, my God.

• 8:59Speaker 02

  At some store in Milford. So, yeah, when I was a kid, I did. But I hear about this all the time. I know Roosie will do that. I don't think I love anything enough to get to of right now.

• 9:09Dax Shepard?

  I'm gonna tell you what I love enough. I love my cute wife so much.

• 9:13Speaker 02

  Oh, you want to?

• 9:13Dax Shepard?

  Because I'm gonna be transparent. I said, hey, today when we're doing our interview, would you ask Aaron a lot of questions? Because I feel like he has sometimes left out. And it just hit me how absolutely sweet and cute it is that you're doing it. Honey, look at me. I love you. I love you. Did you ever do that, Erin?

• 9:37Speaker 01

  That was so sweet.

• 9:39Dax Shepard?

  There she goes.

• 9:42Speaker 01

  Look, I'm no Larry Mantle.

• 9:43Dax Shepard?

  Yes, you are.

• 9:44Speaker 01

  But I'll give it a shot.

• 9:45Dax Shepard?

  There's no way Larry Mantle's collecting Chevy bolts. Eating a step stool to kiss your ass.

• 9:53Dax Shepard?

  Before you met Erin and you'd only heard stories.

• 9:56Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 9:56Dax Shepard?

  That I told you early in our relationship. What had you pictured versus?

• 10:01Speaker 01

  I thought they definitely have hooked up.

• 10:05Dax Shepard?

  It's not a.

• 10:06Speaker 01

  For sure.

• 10:07Dax Shepard?

  That's not uncommon to think that. Actually, I'd be worried about if you didn't think that. As you know, my mom certainly thought. She even said at one point, I think I told you, right? Yeah, that she was OK with it. Well, like, so she had come in and we were snuggling in my room, as we would do. And she was like, yeah, I guess my assumption was sure he was trying that. You thought we were up there. But I don't know why I thought that was so crazy she thought that. We were snuggling.

• 10:31Speaker 01

  I think my assumption, actually, there weren't assumptions. What I digested from the stories you told me about Erin. And again, I didn't know Erin yet, so I couldn't come to many conclusions about him. But what it read to me was that you are a fiercely loyal person and actually have way more of an open heart than you advertised. Because you had found another person who, the way you talked about you guys and all the mistakes you've made and the raucous you've produced around town, that you just loved this other person as a soulmate. There's something really, really beautiful about loving someone that deep and not being flippant in your friendship connections. Erin's my ride or die, whether I talk to him every day or once a year.

• 11:16Speaker 01

  I thought it was really sweet.

• 11:18Dax Shepard?

  I could imagine where you might have had a much different picture of who he was. Because of course I'm telling you the craziest stories about us every time I'm talking. Like, I'm wondering if when you met him, do you go like, "Oh, wow, he's so much sweeter than I was expecting." I think that's a kind of common reaction to Aaron, if I've told a bunch of stories. Yeah.

• 11:38Speaker 01

  He was always so well-rounded in how he spoke about you, because he always was like, "Oh, Aaron was the cutest." The cutest. All the girls liked him. He was the nicest boy.

• 11:48Speaker 02

  You know what gets left out a lot is the size of this guy's heart and the love he showed. I know he talks about me so much, but I can put it in perspective. This is how I felt in 7th grade. The first time he came to my house, and I think you were giving me something to take to camp.

• 12:06Dax Shepard?

  A duffel bag.

• 12:06Speaker 02

  A duffel bag. I felt like one of those dogs that were like,

• 12:12Speaker 02

  like, "Why is someone about to be nice to me?" And I'm like...

• 12:16Dax Shepard?

  I'm like shaky?

• 12:18Speaker 02

  And I'm like, "Oh, he is nice. He's being nice. He's nice." He's not judging me or doing anything but being nice.

• 12:27Dax Shepard?

  Well, I asked Aaron, we had a class together. We had Mr. Nelson's class. That's where we really fell in love, drawing pictures back and forth. And then I asked him, "Are you gonna go to the 7th grade camp trip?" Thinking, "Of course he's gonna go, and this is gonna be a great time for us to really develop our friendship." And then he said he wasn't going. I think this was so vulnerable of you, and probably the start of the whole vulnerability thing. I don't know how you found the confidence to tell me you didn't want to go because you only had trash bags.

• 13:03Dax Shepard?

  Do you remember that was the reason you didn't want to go?

• 13:05Speaker 02

  It was embarrassing. See, that's how beautiful the relationship was. I was that comfortable with you.

• 13:10Speaker 01

  You also told me all the heartfelt stories about Aaron and his upbringing and the kittens.

• 13:19Dax Shepard?

  Oh, my God. Should we talk about the kittens?

• 13:22Speaker 01

  It's too dark, I think. It's too dark. To witness that and not be completely scarred by any adult you ever run into for the rest of your life is beyond me.

• 13:32Dax Shepard?

  I think I can maybe do a really safe version to just say there were a bunch of cats born kittens who all had leukemia, and a very, very, very, very drunk,

• 13:43Speaker 02

  Mean.

• 13:45Dax Shepard?

  caretaker, male, decided to handle the situation with his bare hands in one fell swoop in front of us.

• 13:54Speaker 01

  I'm so glad you guys can laugh about that, but also.

• 13:59Speaker 01

  I one time stepped on a slug when I was 16 on accident. I cried for about 30 minutes and I buried it in a matchbox in my backyard. So if I had seen kittens. Taken out in front of me. I couldn't go back to school again. It'd be so much grief that I wasn't ready to handle. But Aaron, what did you think of Dax when you first met him? What was your read on him? Cause he talks about himself in middle school, which is where you guys met, yeah?

• 14:25Speaker 02

  Yeah, sixth grade.

• 14:26Speaker 01

  As his peak, that he was really hitting it hard in middle school.

• 14:30Speaker 02

  Felt like it was 20 years long.

• 14:32Speaker 01

  Was he a stud? Was he as much of a stud as he says he was?

• 14:34Speaker 02

  Yeah. Yeah.

• 14:36Dax Shepard?

  Absolutely.

• 14:37Speaker 02

  Yeah, he was so cool and exerted a lot of confidence on the outside.

• 14:44Speaker 02

  But I felt that maybe the confidence wasn't as confident as he made it out to be.

• 14:54Speaker 02

  And I just wanted to embrace him.

• 14:58Dax Shepard?

  Our very first conversation was in the bathroom in the sixth grade hallway.

• 15:02Speaker 01

  The bathroom was in the hallway?

• 15:04Dax Shepard?

  There's a sixth grade hallway and then it has its own bathroom. Keep all those perverted eighth grader boys out of there.

• 15:09Speaker 02

  Dax came in and said, and of course when I say it, I mean, we're 11, but he's like, "Are you Aaron Weekly?" No, he's like, "Are you Aaron Weekly?" And I was like, "Fuck." All I can remember is being in a moment like, I just need to be left alone.

• 15:27Dax Shepard?

  I was a new kid.

• 15:28Speaker 02

  He looked cool, cool haircut. And I just thought, "Why? What's going on? Leave me the fuck alone." But we had a friend, Kevin Gwynn, and Kevin said, "Look me up."

• 15:40Dax Shepard?

  Yeah, Kevin was my best friend in sixth grade, at the old sixth grade, Highland Junior High. And he said, "Oh, when you get to Muir, you gotta meet my friend Aaron. He's the coolest dude." He was explaining how cool he was and Kevin was super cool. He had a crazy haircut and skateboarded. So I'm kinda like, keep my eyes out for like, the coolest dude in the school.

• 16:01Dax Shepard?

  Then I asked around and then I figured out who it was and then I somehow found him and Aaron was a little bit nervous, I think.

• 16:06Speaker 01

  Did you shake hands or anything or were you just like, "I'm Dax?"

• 16:10Dax Shepard?

  I'm Dax.

• 16:11Speaker 02

  It wasn't stand up.

• 16:12Dax Shepard?

  I'm here to rule this school.

• 16:15Dax Shepard?

  No, I was just like, Kevin told me to say hi to you. And then maybe Aaron just thought, "Mission accomplished." Like I said hi on Kevin's behalf and that was gonna be the end of it. And then, as luck would have it, then the first class I had of 7th grade was this Mr. Nelson's History, was it?

• 16:30Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 16:31Dax Shepard?

  And we were seated right next to each other. Not sure how the ball sack cowboy pitchers started, but they started right away.

• 16:38Speaker 02

  Real fast.

• 16:38Dax Shepard?

  Yeah, it's an interesting thing for us to do right out of the gate.

• 16:41Speaker 01

  Oh, you created that together?

• 16:42Dax Shepard?

  Yes.

• 16:43Speaker 02

  And we started passing notes.

• 16:46Speaker 01

  Written or just drawings?

• 16:47Speaker 02

  There were drawings with situations, I guess, like, um...

• 16:53Speaker 02

  With the little bubble of someone was saying something on it, but not notes like, "I love you." "Hi, I'm in love with you." "I love that you're my friend."

• 17:04Dax Shepard?

  So I brought that duffel bag over. That was the first time I went over to Aaron's house. Then he came to 7th grade camp and you could be in two different bunk houses. And I was like, "Okay, Aaron's gonna be in mine with Jack," who ultimately, the three of us were all best friends, who was crazy and wild and Aaron stayed in our bunk, but Aaron went to sleep every night. Pretty early before we went out and got... He didn't party yet.

• 17:32Speaker 02

  But, Mom, I have to tell you, to be away from my house for a few days, it was nice to get rest.

• 17:44Speaker 02

  Without having any worries of falling asleep.

• 17:47Dax Shepard?

  Yeah.

• 17:47Speaker 02

  Sad as that sounds.

• 17:48Dax Shepard?

  Yeah. You really find the fun in it ultimately, though, right? This one time in particular is one of my favorite memories we have is Butch was the man's name. He was annihilated at like 4:00 PM on a Thursday and we were in Aaron's trailer. And he always claimed to have been an incredible pitcher when he was a kid. And he struck out Kirk Gibson, who's a Detroit hero. You know, he's a legend in his own mind. And he wanted to play catch with Aaron and I with a wet washcloth.

• 18:16Speaker 02

  This is an attempt at a father-son catch. That was.

• 18:22Dax Shepard?

  Get you guys closer.

• 18:23Speaker 02

  Yeah, that's how I felt, I guess. This is gonna be like father-son bonding.

• 18:28Dax Shepard?

  Well, his intentions were much different than ours. He was tossing it to us and we were throwing it as hard as we could at his face. And he was so hammered, it was hitting him in the face every single time we threw it at him.

• 18:39Speaker 02

  His face was all wilted up.

• 18:41Dax Shepard?

  We played this game of catch for like 40 minutes and we were just chucking it as hard as we could at his face.

• 18:46Speaker 01

  With a wet washcloth?

• 18:47Dax Shepard?

  With a wet washcloth. You keep wetting it down.

• 18:50Speaker 02

  We were like throwing our shoulders out and we were throwing it so hard.

• 18:53Dax Shepard?

  And laughing as they're going, "He was having a great time."

• 18:57Speaker 02

  That's the most fun I ever had with him.

• 19:00Speaker 01

  And you were a really good ball player.

• 19:02Speaker 02

  Well, yeah, that's why he always wanted to bond, not always wanted to bond, but.

• 19:06Dax Shepard?

  Intermittently.

• 19:07Speaker 02

  That's where the bond was gonna come from, if it was gonna happen, over baseball with a wet washcloth, but yeah.

• 19:14Speaker 01

  You didn't have a ball?

• 19:15Speaker 02

  Oh, no.

• 19:15Dax Shepard?

  Oh, I wish we would've had a ball. We would've killed him, I think. Throw it up baseball at his face over and over and over again.

• 19:23Speaker 02

  Maybe he kinda knew that.

• 19:25Dax Shepard?

  You read at Playita?

• 19:27Speaker 01

  No, there are some cute restaurants and shops here.

• 19:31Dax Shepard?

  We're going to New York in a couple of weeks, Aaron, and we're so excited. Are you so excited?

• 19:35Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 19:36Dax Shepard?

  I'm so excited.

• 19:37Speaker 02

  I know mom loves New York.

• 19:38Dax Shepard?

  We don't get many trips and this is gonna be a full four or five days, Wednesday to Saturday?

• 19:43Speaker 01

  We fly in Wednesday, which means we lose the day. It's a working trip.

• 19:48Dax Shepard?

  Do you know mom is one of Time's 100 most influential people?

• 19:51Speaker 02

  No.

• 19:52Speaker 01

  Do you feel my influence?

• 19:53Speaker 02

  I've felt it since day one.

• 19:55Dax Shepard?

  I have been heavily influenced. Oh, that's a fun question, this self-indulge, but here we go. Can you feel Kristen's effects on me over the years?

• 20:03Speaker 02

  Yes, and I'm not kidding, I have felt her effects.

• 20:07Dax Shepard?

  Yeah, right?

• 20:08Speaker 02

  She's turned me into a better person.

• 20:10Dax Shepard?

  You're a really great example, hon.

• 20:12Speaker 01

  Thanks, guys.

• 20:13Dax Shepard?

  Yeah, truly. I was looking at my Instagram, right, and the last two posts, one is of me looking cool on a motorcycle.

• 20:19Speaker 01

  Mm-hmm.

• 20:20Dax Shepard?

  And one is of me crying. And one has 4 million views and one has 400,000. And I think I would have never had the confidence to embrace that side of myself publicly if you didn't enter the picture.

• 20:37Speaker 01

  Cause I cry all the time and I make it seem so normal.

• 20:40Dax Shepard?

  Well, this is a fun time to say that you and I have done a complete reversal, which is when we met, you cried every 45 minutes?

• 20:46Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 20:47Dax Shepard?

  Oh, except!

• 20:48Speaker 02

  Oh, finally!

• 20:49Dax Shepard?

  Look at that.

• 20:51Speaker 02

  Where are we at? 700 feet away from something.

• 20:54Dax Shepard?

  I wonder if it's the same rice and barbecue that we went to yesterday?

• 20:57Speaker 02

  When I saw your post the other day, I told him I cried while I was scrolling. I didn't even have the volume. I don't even know what he was crying about.

• 21:05Dax Shepard?

  About a motorcycle I want.

• 21:06Speaker 02

  When I started crying immediately when I saw him welted up.

• 21:11Speaker 01

  I did too, and that means you have mirror neurons. I think they're separated issues, right? Like, one thing is, do things make you cry? Or do you have a bunch of guards up that allow you to not be emotionally invested? And then the second thing is, your system of mirror neurons, which is when you see someone else cry, your mirror neurons, I don't want to say should, because I don't know if they should, but if they're strong, they turn on. I've watched that video of you two or three times now, and I well up every single time. And I wonder if because you guys didn't have the adults that maybe you wanted to emulate that were safe around you, you almost like dulled your mirror neurons? Cause you're like, I can't mirror these people.

• 21:49Dax Shepard?

  Well, look, I have a story, and the story is, I had this older brother, and I just did not want to be a baby. I wanted to be older. You see it with Delta. Now, imagine it's a five-year gap, and just crying was a baby's activity. And I just decided at nine, we're not doing that, because that's very babyish in front of David. But Aaron was a good crier, always.

• 22:10Speaker 02

  I cried up until a year and a half ago. Yeah, I've always cried.

• 22:15Dax Shepard?

  We would get sent to Bart Montany's office, the vice principal, and we would sit in there and he would yell at us, and I would be stone-faced staring at him. And then Aaron would start crying, and then I'd get really protective over Aaron, and be defending Aaron, and it was a whole scene. I can only imagine what he thought when he came home from work. He never let us know, but he had to have thought that was cute. Two little bad boys in his office, and one's crying and one's trying to protect them.

• 22:41Speaker 02

  Trying to stop me from crying.

• 22:43Dax Shepard?

  I'm gonna go get this food. Get this food, get this money.

• 22:47Speaker 01

  Hi.

• 22:47Dax Shepard?

  Hi. I love you.

• 22:49Speaker 01

  Oh, honey.

• 22:50Dax Shepard?

  Thanks for doing this.

• 22:51Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 22:52Dax Shepard?

  You're so good. You're asking so many questions.

• 22:54Speaker 01

  What?

• 22:55Dax Shepard?

  Sure.

• 22:57Speaker 01

  Blowing up my spot.

• 22:59Dax Shepard?

  Hello. Oh my God, what if this same place? Oh, I hope so. I hope there's. It really could be. I hope they're getting.

• 23:05Speaker 01

  Now, wait. Are you have to go directly to this person? Or are you allowed to pick up another?

• 23:08Dax Shepard?

  If something rang, we could, but you see how. Yeah, that's the only. That's happened to us once.

• 23:15Speaker 01

  Oh, this is the directions to the person who ordered barbecue and rice.

• 23:20Dax Shepard?

  That's right.

• 23:20Speaker 01

  It's only three minutes away?

• 23:22Dax Shepard?

  Yep. It has alleviated a lot of my guilt. The most obnoxious and indulgent thing I do is order Five Guys when we're at the Hanson's.

• 23:29Speaker 01

  Oh, yeah.

• 23:30Dax Shepard?

  It's across the street. I almost have felt like when I get the food from the guy, he's gotta be pissed at me like, "Come on, you lazy motherfucker. You walked almost as far to pick the food up at the end of the driveway."

• 23:43Dax Shepard?

  But this is very common. Like, most of our deliveries are within a few hundred feet. Yes.

• 23:49Speaker 01

  At work and or working from home?

• 23:52Dax Shepard?

  See, that's exactly the kind of attitude you have that's infectious. Do you hear what she said? Working from home. It never occurred to me. It's a lazy bum. It's a fucking bum whose parents are giving them money and they're sitting on their ass at home ordering from a hundred feet away. And you go, "They're working from home." That's the exact influence I need in my life. Me too. What do you think of this person? I'm so embarrassed. It never occurred to me. Someone's working from home.

• 24:20Speaker 01

  You think they're just waiting at home?

• 24:22Dax Shepard?

  Yeah, I think they're. They're terrible. So lazy. I assume everyone we deliver food to is a terrible person, just like me.

• 24:33Speaker 01

  When you order food, though, it's because we've both just gotten off work. We need to feed the kids. We haven't had time to do anything. Why wouldn't everyone else be in the same position we're in?

• 24:44Dax Shepard?

  This is the benefit of being a good person. So you're a good person, and then you assume everyone else is a good person. But Erin and I identify a little bit with being lazy pieces of shit.

• 24:55Dax Shepard?

  And despite a lot of evidence otherwise, that's still kind of just my root. Like, again, if I see someone cut me off, I'm like, "Yeah, they're entitled, and they want to get there faster than I'm gonna get there." Because I drive like that. That's the penalty if you're a piece of shit, is you assume everyone else is a piece of shit.

• 25:13Speaker 01

  I guess.

• 25:14Dax Shepard?

  But I do think as I've liked myself more, I do give a lot more benefit of the doubt and think better thoughts about people. But like when you see someone, you would never fly around someone on the ride and try to make up a minute. You wouldn't do that.

• 25:26Speaker 01

  No, because they could have a pregnant woman in the car. And if they're driving too slow, they could have a cake in the back for a kid's birthday that they don't want to smash.

• 25:34Dax Shepard?

  Birthday cake for a senior? For someone's final birthday?

• 25:38Speaker 01

  Someone's final birthday.

• 25:39Speaker 02

  Oh, no.

• 25:40Dax Shepard?

  Final birthday.

• 25:41Speaker 02

  Oh, my God.

• 25:42Dax Shepard?

  They got this precarious three-tier cake in the backseat. They're trying to have the pussy foot in the city.

• 25:49Speaker 02

  God, I hope I think of something like that next time I'm in that position.

• 25:53Dax Shepard?

  Someone's going 15 miles an hour in a 35 and I go, oh.

• 25:57Speaker 02

  Get that cake home safe. Birthday cake or not, motherfucker.

• 26:01Dax Shepard?

  Put your foot on the gas. Just tell them I got fucked up on the ride because the traffic was a beat down.

• 26:09Speaker 02

  Oh, man.

• 26:12Dax Shepard?

  Stay tuned for more Mom's Car. Some people just know they could save hundreds on car insurance by checking Allstate first. You know, it reminds me of all those times when checking first really pays off, like that time I didn't check the weather before planning a backyard barbecue. Rookie mistake. Or how about when you're about to head out on a road trip and you know to check your tire pressure first? It's those little check first moments that save us from bigger headaches later. I mean, think about it. You always check if you have your wallet before sitting down at a restaurant, right? Or make sure you've got your keys before closing the front door? These are just smart moves we all make. Checking first is smart, so check Allstate first for a quote that could save you hundreds. You're in good hands with Allstate.

• 26:56Dax Shepard?

  Savings vary, subject to terms, conditions, and availability. Allstate North American Insurance Co. and affiliates, Northbrook, Illinois. Hey, parents, it's that time of year again, back to school madness. But before you start hyperventilating into a paper bag, let me tell you about a little lifesaver called Uber Eats. Right now, they're offering up to 40% off back-to-school essentials. You heard that right, 40%. We're talking notebooks, colored pencils, calculators, glue sticks, all that stuff your kids need to become the next Einstein. Or at least past the sixth grade. But wait, there's more. Uber Eats has your lunchbox game covered too. Get discounts on string cheese, juice boxes, fresh fruit, Lunchables, all the fuel your little geniuses need to power through the day.

• 27:40Dax Shepard?

  And hey, if some of those snacks accidentally fall into your mouth, I won't tell anyone. The best part? It's all just a tap away on the Uber Eats app. No more running around like a headless chicken trying to get everything done. So make your life easier and order now on Uber Eats. Remember, get up to 40% off back to school essentials. Offer ends 9/16. Terms apply. See app for details.

• 28:07Dax Shepard?

  The fact that you've been able to share a life with me and I'm moving around like that, God bless you.

• 28:12Speaker 01

  But honey, I give you the benefit of the doubt.

• 28:17Speaker 01

  And oftentimes I'm right. You have this story about yourself that you have all these bad intentions all the time. You're a big boy.

• 28:25Speaker 01

  It's just not... Yeah, I do. Oh, is this the food he's coming out to you?

• 28:31Speaker 02

  Oh, shit. This never happens.

• 28:33Dax Shepard?

  Are you Andrew? Oh, wonderful.

• 28:35Speaker 01

  He doesn't look like he's working.

• 28:37Speaker 02

  Of course. Of course he's not.

• 28:43Speaker 01

  But you know what? Maybe he's knee deep in work. That's why he's not in a suit at home.

• 28:49Dax Shepard?

  I did see it said Dax.

• 28:53Dax Shepard?

  Let's do a selfie.

• 28:54Speaker 01

  Don't get hit.

• 28:55Dax Shepard?

  We're making a podcast where we deliver food. Okay. You're Andrew? I am. Dax, nice to meet you.

• 29:01Speaker 01

  Do you want to take a picture? Hold on, I can get out.

• 29:03Dax Shepard?

  Yeah, let's get out and get a photo.

• 29:04Speaker 01

  Okay, hold on.

• 29:07Speaker 01

  I'm all... I gotta put my mic in my pocket.

• 29:10Dax Shepard?

  All right, now I have to leave a good tip. No, you don't. You'd leave zero tip. My wife is very wealthy.

• 29:19Dax Shepard?

  Take care, brother. You too.

• 29:21Speaker 02

  And finally.

• 29:23Dax Shepard?

  Of course, because you're here.

• 29:24Speaker 02

  You're fucking bitch.

• 29:26Dax Shepard?

  You bitch. Did I tell you this funny thing, Aaron, about the hotel reservation?

• 29:31Speaker 02

  Hold on, 17, no.

• 29:32Dax Shepard?

  Oh!

• 29:33Speaker 02

  Oh, sorry, I accepted so fast.

• 29:35Speaker 01

  Did he tip you 17 dollars?

• 29:37Dax Shepard?

  No, no, no, that's another, it's on now.

• 29:39Speaker 01

  Oh, oh.

• 29:40Dax Shepard?

  It's like this sometimes, when it rains, it pours. What happened?

• 29:43Speaker 02

  Oh, you have to...

• 29:43Dax Shepard?

  Did we miss it?

• 29:44Speaker 02

  No, no, no, you still have to put confirm.

• 29:47Dax Shepard?

  Yes, so, did I tell you about the hotel? Because I'm taking the girls to Hawaii on Saturday.

• 29:51Speaker 02

  Oh, yeah, you told me this story!

• 29:53Dax Shepard?

  Just the three of us.

• 29:55Speaker 02

  I think that girl got fired.

• 29:57Speaker 01

  No, no, that's not.

• 30:00Dax Shepard?

  So I got an email from the hotel saying, "We're delighted to offer you a complimentary upgrade to a suite. And also, if you're traveling with Miss Bell, let us know if we can arrange any services for her." And so I wrote back like, "Oh, I'd love an upgrade if I could get a rollaway so that there's enough beds." And they were like, "No problem." And they said, "And any services for Miss Bell?" And I said, "No, she won't be joining us on this trip." And they wrote, "We're so sad that she won't be joining." They fully regret giving me this upgrade because they thought they were giving you an upgrade.

• 30:36Speaker 01

  That is not, no, more likely because no one in their right mind can believe that a dad would watch his kids by himself without them on there. That's much more likely.

• 30:49Dax Shepard?

  And they might be right. Let's see, let's see how it goes.

• 30:52Speaker 01

  What's this place?

• 30:54Speaker 02

  Oh, let's get some food for ourselves. Vegan breakfast burrito.

• 30:59Dax Shepard?

  This is a big one, guys, this is 23 minutes. Let's do a question.

• 31:02Speaker 02

  Okay, mom.

• 31:04Dax Shepard?

  Are you ready, mom?

• 31:04Speaker 01

  Yep.

• 31:06Speaker 02

  I'm a single mom to an incredible 17-year-old daughter, Riley. I got sober a few years ago, and it's the best thing I've ever done for myself and for her. But now I'm facing something I never really prepared for. Riley leaving home in two years. As proud as I am of her, the thought of an empty house after 18 years of being mom... Every single day is terrifying. I know I have to keep putting my sobriety first, but I'm scared of the loneliness, of not having her as my anchor, and of what my identity looks like when she's out in the world chasing her dreams. I've built a life that I love, but sometimes I feel the pull of old coping mechanisms when I think about the quiet that's coming.

• 31:51Speaker 02

  I have lost a lot of time with her because of my addiction. How do I prepare for the transition in a healthy way? What helped you both when facing major life shifts? And how do I keep showing up for myself so I don't fall into a place where I risk everything I've worked for?

• 32:11Dax Shepard?

  Well, Erin, you're the first of us in this exact situation because Wade is going away to college in six months, right?

• 32:20Speaker 02

  Yeah, first of all, I relate with the getting sober and feeling like you lost a lot of years with your kids and you have all this making up to do. And it sounds like she has done that successfully and hopefully has realized that it's OK. And you just have to accept it.

• 32:37Dax Shepard?

  You have to forgive yourself, I'd imagine.

• 32:39Speaker 02

  And it seems very impossible. I can't remember how long it took me before I did accept it.

• 32:44Dax Shepard?

  In other arenas, I've witnessed you now at five years have the three years of feeling very guilty and then saying, you know what? I feel bad, but here we are and I really can't live feeling bad now for the rest of my life. It's not what I've been working so hard to feel like, right?

• 33:04Speaker 02

  Yeah, it takes such a toll on you. And then Wade is going away, but have two girls still that are not yet. But I am so excited for him to live his life. I'm so excited for him to get to do anything at all that resembles. I just think of you and I at that age. We didn't go away to college.

• 33:25Dax Shepard?

  Right, we didn't go on spring break with our mom.

• 33:27Speaker 02

  We sure did not.

• 33:28Dax Shepard?

  Things have changed. Do you know that everyone goes on spring break with their mom now?

• 33:31Speaker 01

  Yeah, I do.

• 33:31Dax Shepard?

  You know that.

• 33:32Speaker 02

  Everyone knew this except us.

• 33:33Speaker 01

  Well, my sister went on spring break with Lucy and Ben.

• 33:35Dax Shepard?

  What's your thoughts on that?

• 33:36Speaker 01

  The moms are sick of fricking staying at home and doing nothing. They want to be involved too. It's not like the moms are going to parties with them. At least with my sister, she separates from them. But she'd like a beach vacation and she's paying for it. So I think, why not?

• 33:51Dax Shepard?

  Well, I love mom taking a beach vacation. I just don't know why it's gotta be with the 18-year-old on spring break.

• 33:57Speaker 02

  Seems stressful.

• 33:58Dax Shepard?

  I just don't know how the kid has the fun they're supposed to have. It's supposed to be like a Rumspringa.

• 34:02Speaker 01

  For you. Well, it was for me too, I guess.

• 34:05Dax Shepard?

  Oh, yeah, don't sell yourself short.

• 34:07Speaker 01

  It was.

• 34:08Dax Shepard?

  Where'd you go?

• 34:09Speaker 01

  South Padre Island, of course.

• 34:10Dax Shepard?

  Tijuana. TJ.

• 34:13Speaker 01

  South Padre, and then...

• 34:14Dax Shepard?

  Did you hook up?

• 34:15Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 34:16Dax Shepard?

  You did. You went single? You managed that correctly? By the way.

• 34:19Speaker 01

  Yeah, and I went with all the valid trans.

• 34:22Dax Shepard?

  Right.

• 34:22Speaker 01

  I went with like the group of smart girls from my school. And we got blasted. And then like my rolls of disposable cameras that I put in my photo album book and hid at the bottom of my closet. My proof of my Rumspringa.

• 34:37Dax Shepard?

  Yes.

• 34:37Speaker 01

  My mom brought into the moms' club at the high school the year I left for college and showed everybody.

• 34:43Dax Shepard?

  As a warning of what happens on these spring breaks?

• 34:46Speaker 01

  Maybe she thought it was funny. Maybe she just was going through my... I don't know. I was furious.

• 34:53Dax Shepard?

  But you were single on that trip?

• 34:55Speaker 01

  Yeah, well.

• 34:56Speaker 02

  Well.

• 34:56Speaker 01

  I don't know if I was.

• 34:59Speaker 02

  I mean...

• 34:59Speaker 01

  I don't think I was.

• 35:03Speaker 01

  It's regretful, but I don't think I was. Here's the way my brain works. I'm such an optimist, I wanted to answer yes.

• 35:09Dax Shepard?

  Yeah.

• 35:09Speaker 01

  Because that's the right answer.

• 35:11Dax Shepard?

  Yes.

• 35:11Speaker 01

  But if I really think about it, I don't think I was.

• 35:13Dax Shepard?

  This is what I like about you. Everyone's got a little duality. And yours is particularly interesting because you're on the surface such a goody-goody. We're really opposites. I'm presenting one way, but I'm bawling. You're perfect, but might have been plowing on spring break.

• 35:26Speaker 01

  You know I can't handle alcohol. So like I had a little bit of alcohol and nothing else mattered.

• 35:30Dax Shepard?

  Yeah, sure.

• 35:32Speaker 01

  Everybody looked great.

• 35:34Dax Shepard?

  Alcohol in you.

• 35:35Speaker 01

  I have a lot of thoughts on Mallory's situation.

• 35:37Dax Shepard?

  Yeah, tell me, I thought you would.

• 35:38Speaker 01

  Well, I think about this a lot. And first of all, I can fully acknowledge that I don't suffer from, certainly not the same demons, as worrying about the loneliness. But I find it... Helpful for the way my mind works to picture the visual. Like, how many bags do I want to carry around in life? Like, I feel like the invisible bags of baggage of things I'm gonna carry, things worrying, you know?

• 36:02Dax Shepard?

  Uh huh.

• 36:03Speaker 01

  And when my kids go to college, I don't want to carry around the bags full of this empty feeling. So I'm like, okay, well, how do I set them down? And I think preparing yourself by way of looking at life as a cycle has really helped me. Like a flower, a flower starts as a sprout and then it grows into a beautiful flower. And then it kind of withers and then it fertilizes the other plants. Like, I think about that a lot when I look at the girls and I'm like, oh yeah, bikini season's over for me. And that's okay.

• 36:32Dax Shepard?

  Well, hold on.

• 36:33Speaker 01

  I had a lot of bikini seasons.

• 36:35Dax Shepard?

  You're in a lot of bikinis.

• 36:36Speaker 01

  I know, but you don't understand what I'm saying. Like, for me being the ingenue, that's done. I'm a mom, they think I'm gross, they call my boobs sloppy Joes. You know what I mean? Like, that's the phase I'm in where I'm getting, I'm getting riz'd by my... Maybe riz is flirting. I'm getting, um...

• 36:54Dax Shepard?

  Shit on?

• 36:55Speaker 01

  Shit on by my kids. And that's also a phase that can be beautiful, but it's so hard for humans to be okay with going into a different phase.

• 37:07Dax Shepard?

  Yeah.

• 37:08Speaker 01

  And that's the hump. It's not, what am I gonna do? Just be accepting of the next phase of your life is happening. And now you're gonna have to still be her rock at home when she calls home. But you are going to have to find other things to nurture if you are particularly filled up by nurturing. So volunteer somewhere, get a dog, get a cat, get a goldfish.

• 37:31Dax Shepard?

  Right.

• 37:31Speaker 01

  Create a hobby.

• 37:32Dax Shepard?

  Get a male chimp.

• 37:33Speaker 01

  Get a tonka. That space is filled, is kind of all you can do. Fill the space with things you've always wanted to do. Beyond that, really work to understand that everything has a cycle. Even the Chevy Bolt, she'll die one day and I'll be so sad.

• 37:51Dax Shepard?

  That might not be a bad comparison.

• 37:53Speaker 01

  But you know what I mean? Like, everything has to have a cycle. Without it, the Earth couldn't function. And it's just really hard for humans to step out of one phase into another phase. But I think when you zoom out and look at it as a macro view like that, it becomes easier.

• 38:09Dax Shepard?

  The biggest chunk of my identity is now the father of Lincoln and Delta. It's 80% of what I think I am. So yeah, it's gonna be really wild to not have a daily responsibility or commitment to them. And I do think there's gonna be an enormous hole there. And I think I'm gonna be very sad that I don't hear them in the house. I think it's gonna be rough.

• 38:29Speaker 01

  Oh, for sure.

• 38:30Dax Shepard?

  But I'm a romantic, so I also have a fantasy of your and I's life. Completely free to go to New York for a week if we want. And to go to Europe with the Richardson's and just do what we wanna do. I have a very healthy fantasy of our life. Without kids, too, which is a luxury of being married. But I do wonder if this is where you and I are a little different. Like, you're not prone to that same fantasy I have.

• 38:56Speaker 01

  I am to a degree. I think I'm more realistic about habits and practices become yearnings if you've been doing them for long enough. We will have been nurturing for 18 years. That's like quitting drinking. That's what Mallory's feeling. She's gonna have to quit drinking again because that is... You're fulfilling something for someone else. You're practicing this nurturing.

• 39:17Dax Shepard?

  Your primary purpose goes away.

• 39:19Speaker 01

  Exactly. And if that just evaporates instantly, of course, there are gonna be aftershocks. So you have to fill it with something else that allows you to scratch that itch.

• 39:31Dax Shepard?

  Well, yeah, when I read this, the only thing I thought of as my suggestion, and she's further along than us, so I don't feel like I'm really in a position to make a suggestion. Other than, I think she has to develop some hobbies or, as you're saying, some volunteering, something. She has to develop some things to fill that big hole. But my main suggestion is to not wait until your daughter's left, you're feeling sad and terrible. And now I'm asking you to go have an interest in something.

• 40:03Speaker 01

  Right, be ahead of it.

• 40:04Dax Shepard?

  Yes, I think as a commitment to help is like really commit to signing up for some things before she leaves. So you're just already in a habit of doing it.

• 40:14Speaker 02

  That's what my first thought was reading it too. She did such a good job already. And I just wanted to hug her and say, please don't worry. You have done the hardest part.

• 40:25Dax Shepard?

  Yeah.

• 40:25Speaker 02

  And you did get a few of those good years back that a lot of people don't get.

• 40:30Speaker 01

  I think the self-esteem can be built when you thread the line of, so you have manufactured this. You've earned this gift that you gave to your daughter. That means the gift is yours to give again. You know, you don't have to. I'm not saying adopt a toddler and be up all night, but I'm saying like a dog.

• 40:49Dax Shepard?

  Yeah, and one other thing I'd add to mom that she should feel good about is I don't think you can underestimate the power of modeling a comeback. I was very lucky in that I didn't have the kind of shame maybe most people do with addiction. Cause my dad was already an addict and had already gotten sober. Like I never felt terribly judged by my family for having this thing. That's a huge blessing and he had shown me the roadmap for when I finally needed to address it. I was quite familiar with it all.

• 41:20Speaker 01

  I don't know if it's just me, but the tough love steps in and talks very harshly to me. And this is what I did when I was pregnant, when I was like worried about being pregnant, about all the things. I was like, hey, you know what, Kristen, you're not the first person on the planet to ever have a baby. You're just not. Lots of people have done this before you.

• 41:38Dax Shepard?

  Couple of billion.

• 41:39Speaker 01

  And yes, it's gonna be hard, but someone else has gone through it before you, which means it's possible and that gives me hope.

• 41:46Dax Shepard?

  Wow, look at these cool old houses.

• 41:47Speaker 01

  Ooh.

• 41:48Dax Shepard?

  Victorian.

• 41:49Speaker 02

  Oh man, are these like sorority houses?

• 41:51Dax Shepard?

  This is our first billionaire we're delivering to. Or maybe there's sorority houses. What if we're delivering to a party and we get invited in?

• 42:00Speaker 01

  Well.

• 42:01Speaker 02

  Well, probably not.

• 42:02Speaker 01

  We're not in that phase. I don't think they want us there.

• 42:06Dax Shepard?

  They'd want you.

• 42:09Dax Shepard?

  They're probably watching Nobody Wants Us.

• 42:10Speaker 01

  I'm an old woman. I don't think they want me.

• 42:12Dax Shepard?

  All right. You're the hottest sex symbol on Netflix.

• 42:15Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 42:15Speaker 01

  I think it's the next block. Yep.

• 42:18Dax Shepard?

  I hope it's not a nude coed.

• 42:22Speaker 01

  It's in here, it's in here. It's in here, she's right there, she's right there.

• 42:26Dax Shepard?

  I hope I don't get put in that situation. I'm gonna say I would love to, but my wife is in the car.

• 42:35Dax Shepard?

  There was a coed, but it's a man laying out right there. Jacking? No, he's chatting with a girl hanging out her window. What a time to be alive. College. Yeah, Wade. I miss it. Look at him, now he's calling your name.

• 42:52Dax Shepard?

  How you doing?

• 42:53Speaker 02

  Good, how are you?

• 42:54Dax Shepard?

  Really good.

• 42:58Dax Shepard?

  Well, out of context, delivering food, it's very confusing, right?

• 43:03Dax Shepard?

  And Kristen Bell's in the backseat. Are you fucking kidding?

• 43:10Dax Shepard?

  You fucking kidding me? Bye. Get that sign. I'm starting to feel that old thing where I'm like, fuck. Wait, what version? That wanna be him. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, that it's over. That it's all over.

• 43:23Speaker 01

  It's not over, you're just in a different part of your life.

• 43:26Dax Shepard?

  I love the part of my life.

• 43:28Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 43:29Dax Shepard?

  But I also would love to take week-long vacations as 27.

• 43:33Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 43:33Dax Shepard?

  Would you, or not at all?

• 43:35Speaker 01

  There was too much pressure to party and have fun. I'm too much percentage introvert to really crave or enjoy that. I wish that I was going on spring break with you guys, I really do. Because I would love to be with you. But I am also beyond excited to come home to a quiet house and talk to nobody for the whole week after work.

• 43:59Dax Shepard?

  Yeah, we were watching White Lotus, and there's that scene where they all go out in that town, and they're doing ecstasy and getting drunk, and then they're on the boat. That must have been a 15-minute sequence. And the entire time I'm going, no, I'm gonna do that again before I die. This is literally all I'm thinking about, I was like, I am not leaving planet Earth without another trip like that to Thailand or whatever. And as I'm in the middle of thinking all this, Kristen goes, ugh, this looks torturous. I wanna be reading a book back at the home. Clear-headed.

• 44:33Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 44:36Dax Shepard?

  Proud of every decision I make. It was so indicative of us. I was just off to the races of how bad I want to be walking down that street all confused and laughing and being loud.

• 44:48Speaker 01

  You know, it's too much stimulus for me.

• 44:51Speaker 02

  I was feeling that same way watching it.

• 44:53Dax Shepard?

  Were you?

• 44:53Speaker 02

  Oh, my God, yeah. I kept telling myself I wanted.

• 44:56Dax Shepard?

  I need a week in Thailand.

• 44:58Speaker 02

  I'm like, oh, fuck, I love this.

• 45:00Dax Shepard?

  I know.

• 45:01Speaker 02

  I think I even mentioned like, he's like my age.

• 45:06Speaker 02

  I'll believe anything, like, it's really happening. The movie, I know it's a movie and all he's acting, but I'm like, he's doing it, he's my age.

• 45:14Dax Shepard?

  Okay, you ready for a moral dumbfounding, love?

• 45:16Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 45:16Speaker 02

  The secret affair.

• 45:18Dax Shepard?

  This is Jonathan Haidt.

• 45:20Speaker 01

  A Jonathan Haidt moral dilemma?

• 45:22Dax Shepard?

  Yeah, his moral dumbfounding questions.

• 45:23Speaker 01

  Oh, oh, oh, okay.

• 45:24Dax Shepard?

  Like the brother and sister who have sex.

• 45:25Speaker 01

  Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 45:26Speaker 02

  The secret affair. A happily married person has a one night stand while on a trip. They use protection, never tell their spouse, and the affair never affects their relationship in any way. The marriage remains strong and loving. Is this morally wrong?

• 45:44Dax Shepard?

  What, this whole thing was a trap?

• 45:48Dax Shepard?

  Trying to get you to commit on camera and say there's no problem.

• 45:53Speaker 01

  I want to hear you first.

• 45:54Dax Shepard?

  Why? Why don't you be brave?

• 45:56Speaker 01

  No, I want to hear you first because I already know what I think.

• 45:59Dax Shepard?

  Yeah, I'm fine with it. I don't care if I don't ever know and it has no impact. I've said it a million times. My issue with an affair would not be that you had sex with somebody. My potential issue with an affair would be you'd be distracted, you'd be overcome with guilt. It would impact how you treated me. You would not be doing all the things as my partner that I've come to love that you do. That would be my fear, not the thought that you had sex with somebody.

• 46:29Speaker 02

  The guilt would take over hard on me.

• 46:31Dax Shepard?

  Well, that's reality, though. Verse the question. It didn't embed, but I agree.

• 46:36Speaker 02

  I understand, but you're knowing what you did.

• 46:39Dax Shepard?

  Yeah.

• 46:39Speaker 02

  I love the idea of doing it.

• 46:41Dax Shepard?

  Yeah.

• 46:41Speaker 02

  And not affecting anything.

• 46:43Dax Shepard?

  Yeah.

• 46:44Speaker 02

  Except.

• 46:45Dax Shepard?

  It would.

• 46:45Speaker 02

  Listen, I don't get stumped by many of these. I would eat a person, I would do all these crazy things.

• 46:50Dax Shepard?

  Eat a dog.

• 46:51Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 46:57Dax Shepard?

  Yeah, you know yourself and you know this is impossible. You'd be carrying the guilt. And then when you feel guilty and shame, then you act a certain way and it would just ripple out. There's no way it could be done. That I accept.

• 47:10Speaker 01

  I feel I should preface this with I didn't always feel this way.

• 47:15Dax Shepard?

  Right.

• 47:16Speaker 01

  Because when I met you, I was a very jealous person. And I was bending to the subconscious rules society had given me of television shows of like, "My boyfriend cheated on me. Girl, get him out of the house. No fucking way." You asked me the question of kind of a would you rather? If I slept with someone versus if I drove our kids drunk? And that put everything in perspective. I was like, if you had an affair, I feel like we could get through that. If you drove my kids drunk?

• 47:51Dax Shepard?

  Yeah.

• 47:52Speaker 01

  You're packing up. There's no circumstance in which I would allow you around the kids until I knew you were completely sober and clear-headed.

• 48:00Dax Shepard?

  What was really interesting is we were in a big group of people and we asked a bunch of couples that question. Would you prefer your partner cheat on you or drive the kids drunk? And we were both kind of shocked that most of the people would prefer that they, their partner drove the kids drunk.

• 48:14Speaker 01

  I don't agree with that.

• 48:15Dax Shepard?

  There's something wrong there.

• 48:16Speaker 01

  I have the exact same answer as you do. The sort of splitting that would be involved. Although, wait, what did that one say? It's a one-night stand. It never happens again.

• 48:27Dax Shepard?

  Never happened again has no impact on the relationship.

• 48:29Speaker 01

  I mean, kind of, who cares? To be honest, because I have the same thoughts you do. I also know we're monkeys. We're both attracted to other people. We're married. We're not dead.

• 48:40Dax Shepard?

  I'm mostly dead, but yeah, there's just about 15% still left.

• 48:45Speaker 01

  But I don't know that everyone has the privilege of this much confidence in their relationship.

• 48:50Dax Shepard?

  I agree. Even go beyond that. We gotta own the fact that for the most part, I've not been left in my life. By partners. Either it was amicable or I broke up with somebody. And I think that's really relevant. If you have someone that's been cheated on and then dumped and cheated on and dumped, how on earth could you have this laissez faire opinion? But I've been cheated on, but not dumped. Well, A, I had open relationships. So I had two. And after the first one, I was like, yeah, she loves me as much as she's ever loved me and she's had sex with other dudes. Like, just the notion that somehow that would make her not love me or something. I just got to experience. It had had no impact. It didn't have any impact on either relationship.

• 49:33Dax Shepard?

  Now, I'm against an open relationship for different reasons, which are, well, A, I'm an addict, so I can't manage that. I can't fuck once. Whereas your guilt would eat you up, there'd be more right away. It'd be like, if I had a drink tomorrow, I'm gonna have a thousand drinks over the next few weeks. That's just how I'm built. But I think if you have an open relationship, unless you guys are so committed to working on your own sexual relationship, if you have other options, it's already hard to maintain your own sexual relationship. And if you have options, you just won't do it. That was definitely the poor outcome of my open relationships, is our own intimacy suffered greatly from it.

• 50:16Speaker 01

  Interesting. But did you think I was gonna dis- what?

• 50:19Dax Shepard?

  Oh, no.

• 50:20Speaker 01

  Did you think I was gonna disagree?

• 50:21Dax Shepard?

  No.

• 50:22Speaker 01

  No, that was like- You were like, that one's gonna be hard.

• 50:24Dax Shepard?

  Well, no, I just mean, this is unique to ask a married couple this question in front of each other. Like, you might be in a podcast somewhere else and get asked this and you would just, whatever. But you're being asked to answer this in front of your husband.

• 50:37Speaker 01

  In front of my husband, yeah. But did that surprise you that I said that?

• 50:40Dax Shepard?

  No, I've come to think that's how you think about it. How would you feel, Aaron, if Ruthie cheated?

• 50:45Speaker 01

  Give him higher circumstances than that. Give him more specific circumstances than that. It was a one-night stand.

• 50:51Dax Shepard?

  She's in a gangbang with eight dudes. Well, that's cool.

• 50:54Speaker 01

  It's a one-night stand.

• 50:55Dax Shepard?

  I wanna watch.

• 50:57Speaker 01

  She's at a work thing and there's been alcohol consumed. The flirtation didn't start before the alcohol. Alcohol loosened everybody up. She sleeps with someone. She wakes up and is like, I can't believe I did that because I do love Aaron. She comes home. How do you want her to handle it?

• 51:14Dax Shepard?

  Ooh, first of all, this is the only relationship in my life that I don't play that scenario out, ever. I am so...

• 51:23Speaker 01

  And we're doing it to you, that's cool.

• 51:24Dax Shepard?

  Oh no, that's great. I am so comfortable in my relationship. It doesn't ever cross my mind.

• 51:30Speaker 02

  Same.

• 51:30Dax Shepard?

  I remember that not being the case for every other one.

• 51:34Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 51:35Dax Shepard?

  I remember the feelings of jealousy. I mean, honestly, how do I want her to play that out? Of course, keep quiet about it and I don't want to ever know about it.

• 51:43Speaker 02

  Right.

• 51:44Dax Shepard?

  But I think she could tell me and I would understand too.

• 51:47Speaker 01

  Do you think that has to do with who Ruthie is? Or do you think that has to do with who you've become?

• 51:52Dax Shepard?

  I think it's who I've become. And, well, hold on. I think it could be a combo.

• 51:57Speaker 02

  I guess a combo, yeah, is the easy answer.

• 51:59Dax Shepard?

  Because I just believe, as I've said in the past, I'm not liable to be jealous of a hot dude. I'm more liable to be jealous of Mike Schur because he has morals and ethics that I know are in lockstep with yours and I can't compete with that. But with that said, I so thoroughly believe and have witnessed that you love me for life. I believe that in my heart. I don't see any scenario where at any point in your life you don't love me and vice versa. I don't think anything could prevent that.

• 52:36Speaker 01

  You're right.

• 52:37Dax Shepard?

  So I think if you feel that, everything else is a little less threatening.

• 52:42Speaker 01

  Mm-hmm.

• 52:43Dax Shepard?

  Well, honey, you're the most delightful guest we've had.

• 52:45Speaker 01

  This was fun!

• 52:46Dax Shepard?

  Yeah. I love you so much.

• 52:49Speaker 01

  I love you too.

• 52:50Dax Shepard?

  Thank you.

• 52:51Speaker 01

  Love you, Aaron.

• 52:51Speaker 02

  I love you, baby.

• 52:53Speaker 01

  I'll give it to Aaron.

• 52:54Dax Shepard?

  A little smoochy smooch?

• 52:55Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 52:56Speaker 02

  Smoochy.