MFM Minisode 426

This week’s hometowns include safe deposit box treasure and riding on bumper boats. Support this podcast by shopping our latest sponsor deals and promotions at this link: https://bit.ly/3UFCn1g. See omnystudio.com/listener https://omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Speaker names marked ? are inferred from speaking time and the show’s known hosts — they are not voice-verified.

• 0:01Karen Kilgariff?

  This is exactly right.

• 0:06Karen Kilgariff?

  This holiday season, celebrate the ones you know by heart with a gift that says it all.

• 0:10Georgia Hardstark?

  Because the best gifts don't just look beautiful, they mean something too.

• 0:14Karen Kilgariff?

  From engraveable pieces that tell your story, to festive charms that capture special memories, to stunning lab-grown diamonds, Pandora has meaningful jewelry for the people who inspire you and have been there through it all.

• 0:25Georgia Hardstark?

  Give a piece that says exactly what words can't.

• 0:28Karen Kilgariff?

  Pandora, more than a gift.

• 0:29Georgia Hardstark?

  Shop new styles in-store or online at pandora.net.

• 0:33Karen Kilgariff?

  Goodbye.

• 0:35Georgia Hardstark?

  In New Orleans, truckers kept getting sideswiped the exact same way.

• 0:38Karen Kilgariff?

  When a man is found murdered under questionable circumstances related to these accidents, that's when the rubber hits the road.

• 0:45Georgia Hardstark?

  And what the feds uncover is a complex scheme of staged wrecks, financial fraud, and a pair of conspiring lovers behind it.

• 0:52Karen Kilgariff?

  This is a story about fake accidents that led to real consequences.

• 0:55Georgia Hardstark?

  Listen to Over My Dead Body: Operation Sideswipe wherever you get your podcasts.

• 1:00Karen Kilgariff?

  Audible subscribers can binge all episodes early and ad-free right now.

• 1:04Georgia Hardstark?

  Join Audible in the Audible app or by subscribing on Apple Podcasts or Spotify. Goodbye.

• 1:26Georgia Hardstark?

  Hello.

• 1:27Karen Kilgariff?

  And welcome.

• 1:28Georgia Hardstark?

  To my favorite murder.

• 1:29Karen Kilgariff?

  The mini-so.

• 1:30Georgia Hardstark?

  Where we read you, your stories, there are many.

• 1:32Karen Kilgariff?

  Would you like to go first?

• 1:33Georgia Hardstark?

  Sure. I'm not going to read you the title of this one. I'm just going to start telling you.

• 1:38Karen Kilgariff?

  Okay.

• 1:39Georgia Hardstark?

  Hey, all. In the late 1970s, '76 or '77, my mother-in-law and father-in-law were on a long drive going down the coast of California when they decided to pull over at night in the San Barbara area to sleep in their car. My father-in-law, a tall man, slept sitting up in the driver's seat while my mother-in-law laid on the front bench with her head on his lap. My mother-in-law woke up to a loud sound. Disoriented and not able to see because her contact lenses were out, she eventually realized my father-in-law was holding his neck and running around in a state of shock. She started to panic when my father-in-law eventually grabbed her and told her she needed to remain calm and flagged someone down for help because, all caps, he had been shot in the neck.

• 2:23Karen Kilgariff?

  What?

• 2:24Georgia Hardstark?

  Thankfully, he was a Navy vet and he was able to stabilize the situation, according to her. How he was shot in the neck, though? By a stranger who came up to their lonesome parked car and shot him from the outside where they were sleeping.

• 2:37Karen Kilgariff?

  Oh, my god.

• 2:38Georgia Hardstark?

  My mother-in-law said she flagged down a semi and told him they needed to get to the hospital because her boyfriend had been shot. Apparently, the truck driver suspiciously asked, "How do I know it wasn't you who did it?"

• 2:48Karen Kilgariff?

  A valid question. Look, valid.

• 2:50Georgia Hardstark?

  It says, "Like, okay, man, good question, but clearly, they need help." Anywho, he called for help over his radio, and my father-in-law ended up surviving. They never caught the person or even had an idea of who did it. My mother-in-law says she highly doubts it was the Zodiac, but seems pretty Zodiac, wouldn't you say?

• 3:10Karen Kilgariff?

  Was it in California?

• 3:11Georgia Hardstark?

  Fucking Santa Barbara on the coast. Which is the most recent Zodiac documentary about the one guy that they, Arthur Lee Allen? It's like, there's a case in Santa Barbara.

• 3:20Karen Kilgariff?

  It's where he started, right? It's early, early.

• 3:23Georgia Hardstark?

  And, yeah, it's 100% fit.

• 3:25Karen Kilgariff?

  Well, the story is shocking.

• 3:26Georgia Hardstark?

  We're gonna solve the Zodiac on this show.

• 3:28Karen Kilgariff?

  Let's do it.

• 3:28Georgia Hardstark?

  Through Minisets. Through someone else's work.

• 3:31Karen Kilgariff?

  Yes.

• 3:32Georgia Hardstark?

  Well, the story is shocking and fascinating to hear. I'd like to add that it has made me realize, in the grand scheme of things, when it's your time, it's truly your time. I never got the honor of meeting my father-in-law because he passed away unexpectedly when my husband was a baby. I like to imagine he was a smart and interesting man, who was an amazing dad and husband, and would be the best grandpa to our kids today. Just finding out that my dad has primary colon cancer that has spread to his liver, I'll appreciate all the time I've been able to spend with him, unlike my sweet husband who lost his dad way too soon. Sorry to end on a bummer note. You two are a safe space and I am eternally grateful for this community you two have created. SSDGM and hug your dad. Em, she, her.

• 4:14Karen Kilgariff?

  Em, you're so right.

• 4:15Georgia Hardstark?

  Yeah.

• 4:16Karen Kilgariff?

  And also, it's just that my, it was my aunt Jean's 90th birthday this weekend. And she looks great and is great, but my cousin gave a little speech, you know, before we, you know, sang her happy birthday. And I never knew this about her, her mom died when she was 12.

• 4:33Georgia Hardstark?

  Wow.

• 4:33Karen Kilgariff?

  And her dad sent her off to live with like, a family friend.

• 4:36Georgia Hardstark?

  Oh, my god.

• 4:37Karen Kilgariff?

  And that's like, it's just that kind of thing where it's like, that primary thing, it's so easy to take your parents for granted. And the upbringing you got, especially if you have complaints about it.

• 4:49Georgia Hardstark?

  Totally.

• 4:49Karen Kilgariff?

  Where you're just kind of like, this old thing. And it's like, mm, there's a lot of alternatives that are much worse than...

• 4:55Georgia Hardstark?

  Oh, I've said this to Vince a million times, whose mom died when he was very young. Like, I'm sorry I keep complaining about my mom. Because I'm sure, like, you didn't get any of those experiences.

• 5:04Karen Kilgariff?

  Yeah. Yeah, that's very sweet. Thank you, Em, for that lovely email. Okay. They wrote out a funny subject line for this email, but then in parentheses at the end, it says, "May not want to read the subject first."

• 5:17Georgia Hardstark?

  Okay, read it to me after. Let's not forget.

• 5:19Karen Kilgariff?

  So it says, "Hello MFM posse, you guys are great. My mom attended St. Mary's of Notre Dame in the 60s, and my dad attended Notre Dame. My mom is a hoot and was a bit of a wild child. She got the nickname in 8th grade, Nuts."

• 5:35Georgia Hardstark?

  That was her nickname. That's fun. Just straight up nuts.

• 5:39Karen Kilgariff?

  Nuts. "Another time, I'll tell you the many pranks that she and her friends pulled on the nuns. However, this time I will tell you something a little less mischievous, but no less awesome that she did."

• 5:49Georgia Hardstark?

  Yeah.

• 5:50Karen Kilgariff?

  "As she tells it, my mom used to go out drinking with the priests from Notre Dame."

• 5:54Georgia Hardstark?

  Fuck, yeah.

• 5:55Karen Kilgariff?

  "She used to love to argue theology and philosophy with them while having a cold brew."

• 5:59Georgia Hardstark?

  I love her.

• 6:00Karen Kilgariff?

  So good. "She had to check in her dorm every few hours, though. It was strict in those days."

• 6:05Georgia Hardstark?

  You were the priest, though. Like, you could stay out all night.

• 6:07Karen Kilgariff?

  They can do whatever they want. "The priests would take turns driving her there and back so she could sign in at the dorm."

• 6:13Georgia Hardstark?

  What is happening?

• 6:15Karen Kilgariff?

  Yeah, because they want to have a good time. It's like, some of the few, few things, kind of lightly sinful things they can do is like, drink and...

• 6:21Georgia Hardstark?

  Play cards.

• 6:22Karen Kilgariff?

  Hang out and chat. Yeah. And it's very important to like, build those relationships.

• 6:27Georgia Hardstark?

  Yeah, community, the community.

• 6:28Karen Kilgariff?

  Spiritually, yeah. My mom really wanted to take a theology class with one of the priests she partied with. Problem, Notre Dame at the time was an all-boys school. This would not be a problem for Nuts, though. She struck up a deal with the priest. She told him she would make him homemade spaghetti and meatballs every week if she could unofficially take his class. Needless to say, he agreed. Thus, as far as we know, my mom is the first woman to take a class at Notre Dame.

• 6:54Georgia Hardstark?

  Oh, my god.

• 6:55Karen Kilgariff?

  Unofficially, that is. Stay sexy and never underestimate the power a homemade spaghetti and meatball dinner has over a priest. Molly, she/her.

• 7:04Georgia Hardstark?

  Those are words to live by.

• 7:05Karen Kilgariff?

  But also, Nuts doesn't get the credit for being the first woman at fucking Notre Dame.

• 7:10Georgia Hardstark?

  Bullshit, but we fucking know here on MFM.

• 7:12Karen Kilgariff?

  And now, all of you know, listeners.

• 7:14Georgia Hardstark?

  I love her.

• 7:15Karen Kilgariff?

  I love Nuts.

• 7:16Georgia Hardstark?

  That's what we call chutzpah. I know she wouldn't, but we call it chutzpah. And I fucking like it, and we should all be like that.

• 7:22Karen Kilgariff?

  It's so good. Wait, so we only got the name Nuts? You didn't tell us her mom's real first name?

• 7:26Georgia Hardstark?

  Did she tell us in the beginning?

• 7:28Karen Kilgariff?

  No.

• 7:29Georgia Hardstark?

  I mean, what more do you need?

• 7:30Karen Kilgariff?

  I guess it is all I need. That is her government name to me now.

• 7:35Georgia Hardstark?

  The holidays are coming, which means we'll all be spending more time away from home.

• 7:39Karen Kilgariff?

  Whether you're visiting family or doing something actually fun, you want to know your home is protected while you're away.

• 7:45Georgia Hardstark?

  That's why now is a good time to think about home security with SimpliSafe.

• 7:48Karen Kilgariff?

  Unlike traditional security systems that alert you after a break-in starts, SimpliSafe is designed to help stop intruders before they get inside. These days, you're worried about your house, you're out of town, and then something comes up and you get to look on your phone, and SimpliSafe is going to show you not only the video of like, it's a raccoon at your front door, but also that they have staff that's sitting there, they already know. And if it was something different or worse, they would have already been on it.

• 8:14Georgia Hardstark?

  Yeah, I really think that's invaluable peace of mind, that just like, relying on your neighbors, paying attention is not going to give you. We've partnered with SimpliSafe to offer our listeners their biggest savings of the year, 70% off your new system with professional monitoring when you visit simplisafe.com/mfm.

• 8:31Karen Kilgariff?

  That's simplisafe.com/mfm.

• 8:34Karen Kilgariff?

  And when you order, write in MFM at checkout and it tells them we sent you and it really helps the show.

• 8:39Georgia Hardstark?

  Simply safe, ahead of crime, in real time.

• 8:42Karen Kilgariff?

  Goodbye.

• 8:43Georgia Hardstark?

  The holidays are filled with moments that remind us who matters most. The friend who always picks up the phone.

• 8:48Karen Kilgariff?

  The family member who's stood by your side, the people who know your story and help shape it every day.

• 8:53Georgia Hardstark?

  That's why this season Pandora's Holiday Collection is all about celebrating the ones you know by heart with a gift that says it all.

• 8:59Karen Kilgariff?

  Because the best gifts don't just look beautiful, they mean something too. Discover meaningful jewelry designed to honor every connection.

• 9:06Georgia Hardstark?

  Choose engraved pieces that turn memories into keepsakes.

• 9:09Karen Kilgariff?

  Celebrate special moments with festive charms that capture the spirit of the season or surprise someone extraordinary with the brilliance of Pandora's lab grown diamonds.

• 9:18Georgia Hardstark?

  Each piece is thoughtfully crafted to help you express what can be difficult to put into words.

• 9:22Karen Kilgariff?

  Whether you're shopping for a partner, a parent, a best friend, or someone who's been there through it all, you'll find a gift that reflects everything they mean to you.

• 9:30Georgia Hardstark?

  Give a piece that says exactly what words can't.

• 9:32Karen Kilgariff?

  Pandora, more than a gift.

• 9:34Georgia Hardstark?

  Shop new styles in store or online at pandora.net.

• 9:37Karen Kilgariff?

  Goodbye.

• 9:41Georgia Hardstark?

  This is called Former Banker Self-Deposit Box Treasures.

• 9:44Karen Kilgariff?

  Anonymous, please.

• 9:45Georgia Hardstark?

  Yes, please. Hello, lovelies. I'm currently months behind on episodes, so binge listening. In episode 441 from August 2024, you asked for safe deposit box stories. Then she says, so I hope this isn't too late, as if we've ever been like, stop writing the thing we asked.

• 10:02Karen Kilgariff?

  Stop it. That's from six months ago.

• 10:03Georgia Hardstark?

  No, no. More Matrix, which in the Matrix stories and math.

• 10:09Georgia Hardstark?

  Then it says, let's get into it.

• 10:10Karen Kilgariff?

  Never too late for, that's just under the headline of treasure, which will always be valid.

• 10:14Georgia Hardstark?

  Totally, all of it. I spent almost 15 years in retail banking. She wrote in two stories, but they're really long, so I'm just going to read the second one.

• 10:21Karen Kilgariff?

  Okay.

• 10:22Georgia Hardstark?

  Because it says, story two is much more scandalous.

• 10:24Karen Kilgariff?

  Okay.

• 10:25Georgia Hardstark?

  Here we go. A man rented a safe deposit box at my bank. I helped him with the rental and he was charming and smooth. Think Miami Vice, total player. He visits the bank a few times a month, dressed to the nines to visit his safe deposit box. I love like it's a date that he got dressed up for.

• 10:41Karen Kilgariff?

  Yeah.

• 10:41Georgia Hardstark?

  The safe deposit box.

• 10:43Karen Kilgariff?

  And I'm imagining if they said, think Miami Vice, then it was what, like kind of a pink linen suit?

• 10:50Georgia Hardstark?

  Yep, white suit jacket, pink tie, all the things.

• 10:53Karen Kilgariff?

  Yeah, everything's kind of open and chest hairy.

• 10:55Georgia Hardstark?

  Yeah, but like so high end.

• 10:57Karen Kilgariff?

  And tons of coke. Okay.

• 10:59Georgia Hardstark?

  Well, one day, his wife shows up and wants entry to the box. No ma'am, that is not how this works. Your marital status does not give you ownership of a safe deposit box. So we turned her away.

• 11:10Karen Kilgariff?

  That's good to know.

• 11:10Georgia Hardstark?

  I know, right?

• 11:11Karen Kilgariff?

  I didn't know that.

• 11:12Georgia Hardstark?

  She showed up about once a week, always approaching a different member of the staff. She knows what she's doing. Trying to access the box and always getting the same response. You aren't an owner of the box. You cannot access it. After weeks of this, she shows up in a state of desperation, screaming at us that her husband can't open the box because he's in prison awaiting bail and we have to let her in. We didn't. We couldn't. That's not how the law works. But now that we had this tidbit about prison, the online sleuthing began. Keep in mind that this is the late 90s, so the internet is not what it is today. But with a determination and burning through several work hours, we found the arrest records, several counts of manufacturing and selling fraudulent tickets to concerts and sporting

• 11:57Georgia Hardstark?

  events all over the state.

• 11:58Karen Kilgariff?

  Oh.

• 11:59Georgia Hardstark?

  So random, right?

• 12:00Karen Kilgariff?

  It's so specific.

• 12:01Georgia Hardstark?

  I know. And then it says in parentheses, "This might be a good time to inform the young MFN listeners that in the 90s, there was no such thing as a QR code. Cell phones only made phone calls and event tickets were all paper." I fucking used to go to the Hollywood and Vine ticket store. They like buy paper tickets with cash because they charged you less. And because I never had a credit card. Never had a credit card.

• 12:22Karen Kilgariff?

  Right, exactly. Or like, didn't they also sell like Tower Records and stuff? There were certain places you could go to get concert tickets that had like a little machine.

• 12:30Georgia Hardstark?

  Totally. That you had to go to them.

• 12:32Karen Kilgariff?

  Yeah. That's how it all was back then.

• 12:34Georgia Hardstark?

  Everything was harder.

• 12:37Georgia Hardstark?

  Tickets were physical and fraud was much easier than it is today. Fast forward a few months, multiple vehicles pull into the bank parking lot at the same time. This is just like the movies and here comes the wife again. This time being escorted by local sheriffs, state police, and no less than five US marshals. She's in handcuffs and I'm served a warrant for access to the safe deposit box. Everyone threw all their hopes and then the warrant was valid and required the bank to allow US marshals to access and inventory the box. A locksmith was called, I observed the drilling of the lock and then handed over the closed box to the US marshals and left the privacy room. While sweet Jesus curiosity was killing the cat. When a US marshal came out of the privacy booth and said to me, here's the inventory

• 13:21Georgia Hardstark?

  list, I need you to make three copies, please. You better believe I went to the copy room to make those copies and absolutely took a quick peek at the inventory.

• 13:30Karen Kilgariff?

  I mean, what human being would not?

• 13:32Georgia Hardstark?

  The fact that they didn't make an extra copy for themselves is like, that means you're a saint. You know what I mean?

• 13:36Karen Kilgariff?

  No, what do you mean?

• 13:37Georgia Hardstark?

  Like, I would have made myself an extra copy to like, take and put it in my pocket. You know? But all anonymous did was take a peek.

• 13:43Karen Kilgariff?

  Do you think you would do that because you're like, you won't tell me to not read this thing, I'll keep it for myself?

• 13:48Georgia Hardstark?

  Yeah, like, I need this for later. I need to show my friends this.

• 13:51Karen Kilgariff?

  I need this for my personal records.

• 13:52Georgia Hardstark?

  Right.

• 13:53Karen Kilgariff?

  Yeah.

• 13:53Georgia Hardstark?

  You can't take a screenshot of it because phones were just for phone calls.

• 13:56Karen Kilgariff?

  But also, I think this was a time where it was easier to keep all that separate, where it's like, if you're the person at the bank, you're like, sorry, I can't ever put my eyes toward your very private thing.

• 14:06Georgia Hardstark?

  Right.

• 14:06Karen Kilgariff?

  Where it's like, that was their one and only chance to find out.

• 14:10Georgia Hardstark?

  Totally.

• 14:10Karen Kilgariff?

  Yeah.

• 14:10Georgia Hardstark?

  Absolutely. Because yeah, you can't get into, like, they don't have the keys. The inventory is tens of thousands of dollars in cash and hundreds of diamonds, emeralds, sapphires, and rubies.

• 14:24Georgia Hardstark?

  As it turns out, my customer was part of a large-scale operation across state lines and one of multiple defendants tried in a RICO case. My customer, what's RICO again?

• 14:34Karen Kilgariff?

  Racketeer influenced and corrupt organizations.

• 14:37Georgia Hardstark?

  So it's mafia stuff? Oh, it's like mafia stuff?

• 14:38Karen Kilgariff?

  Yeah.

• 14:39Georgia Hardstark?

  Cool, okay. My customer, charming and smooth, was responsible for cleaning the dirty cash by converting it to expensive gems and Stones and then selling those gemstones to a different jeweler to get clean cash in return.

• 14:51Karen Kilgariff?

  But you'd have to know the jeweler that would be just dealing in gems like that. It's not just any place you go into.

• 14:59Georgia Hardstark?

  I'm sure there's enough around town.

• 15:00Karen Kilgariff?

  Think so?

• 15:01Georgia Hardstark?

  Yeah.

• 15:01Karen Kilgariff?

  Because I think we should get into this. It sounds like a great business for us.

• 15:06Georgia Hardstark?

  I followed the case in the news for a few years and even all these years later, my palms get sweaty thinking about the day a crew of US Marshals rolled in and the criminal who'd been utilizing our bank to stash his dirty earnings. Hope this story makes the cut for a mini-sode sometime. Stay sexy and if you're thinking about committing fraud, just don't. Anonymous Murderino.

• 15:26Karen Kilgariff?

  Anonymous, you made it. You made the cut. Your name can't be involved, but we know at heart.

• 15:33Georgia Hardstark?

  Yeah, we know who you are.

• 15:34Karen Kilgariff?

  God, just, it stresses me out because all I can do is focus on the fact that you did all this work to make these fake tickets and rip these people off. You made your money. You had to turn it into jewels.

• 15:47Georgia Hardstark?

  Yeah.

• 15:48Karen Kilgariff?

  How? Like, where's those contacts and then you have to sell those jewels?

• 15:52Georgia Hardstark?

  Totally. But I love the wife who just kept trying to get into, get rid of all the evidence.

• 15:56Karen Kilgariff?

  You gotta get those jewels or like line her pockets with them.

• 15:59Georgia Hardstark?

  Move the fuck out of town.

• 16:02Karen Kilgariff?

  I love learning that it's just the person who.

• 16:06Georgia Hardstark?

  Yeah.

• 16:07Karen Kilgariff?

  Like, safe deposit box, the concept of them were set up for people to have secrets that no one finds out about.

• 16:14Georgia Hardstark?

  Illegal secrets too, because like, you can't put this in a bank. You can't have this at home.

• 16:19Karen Kilgariff?

  You can have it in the bank. It's just not deposited, but it's safe.

• 16:23Georgia Hardstark?

  It's a secret in a bank.

• 16:25Karen Kilgariff?

  Where did safety deposit boxes come from? I ask myself as I decide to do this as an episode in the future.

• 16:30Georgia Hardstark?

  Nazis. Promise it was Nazis.

• 16:33Karen Kilgariff?

  My dad saw the fucking movie, The Woman in Gold, which is about, starring Helen Mirren, about that clamped portrait that the Nazi stole from the Jewish family and she had to go fight for it. He talked about it all weekend.

• 16:45Georgia Hardstark?

  I haven't seen it a lot.

• 16:45Karen Kilgariff?

  It's real, well, it's good, but I mean that all of that stuff were just like.

• 16:49Georgia Hardstark?

  Oh, yeah, completely.

• 16:50Karen Kilgariff?

  Okay. The subject line of this is fellow finders unite. And then in parentheses, it says, hold on, why isn't mine money?

• 16:57Georgia Hardstark?

  Oh, got it.

• 16:58Karen Kilgariff?

  What does it mean?

• 16:58Georgia Hardstark?

  People who just find shit all the time and why isn't the thing I find all the time money? I don't know what I'm guessing.

• 17:02Karen Kilgariff?

  Yeah, I think you're right because I've read this. Hello fuckward murder mystery hosts. My eternal compliments to the dad who coined this that alternative podcast name. It's my favorite piece of historical fiction.

• 17:16Georgia Hardstark?

  I love it.

• 17:17Karen Kilgariff?

  Yeah, ours too.

• 17:18Georgia Hardstark?

  We just did a rewind episode with that when that first came out.

• 17:22Karen Kilgariff?

  Okay, so it says, I just wanted to say to the recent listener who wrote in about their Chicago street money finding talent.

• 17:28Georgia Hardstark?

  Oh, yeah.

• 17:29Karen Kilgariff?

  Girl, what you two? And then a parentheses, it says, girl is meant to be gender neutral here for exclamation purposes. So it says, I also have a weird knack for finding lost things, not cash money, unfortunately. So hats off to that incredible luck, but I have found the following.

• 17:47Georgia Hardstark?

  Oh, my God, was this written by a crow? And it's just gonna be a bunch of like, like weird shiny junk.

• 17:52Karen Kilgariff?

  Yes, things listing out a soda can tab, a quarter.

• 17:56Georgia Hardstark?

  I gave them out to a little girl.

• 17:58Karen Kilgariff?

  A piece of corn. Okay, so it says, I have found so many sets of lost keys. My own keys when they're lost, almost never, but keys strangers have lost at the park, on a hiking trail, in parking lots at grocery stores, or on a riverbed. Absolutely yes. Sometimes even if I'm not looking, I just happen across them and see someone looking nearby and I get to be a hero for a few minutes. That's hilarious. My favorite key finding story happened about three years ago when I went to the dog park a bit late one day after work. And while leaving, as the sky had just fully darkened, I noticed someone frantically looking around with a flashlight. They seemed really stressed. So I asked if everything was okay. This person was on the verge of tears and told me they had been looking for their keys

• 18:43Karen Kilgariff?

  for almost two hours and they were already late for work. No joke, I found their keys in less than a minute.

• 18:48Georgia Hardstark?

  Oh, my God, I love that skill.

• 18:50Karen Kilgariff?

  It's such a good skill. Almost immediately after I started to look, they were just right in front of me and I was drawn to them right away, even in the dark.

• 18:59Georgia Hardstark?

  Wow.

• 19:00Karen Kilgariff?

  We both were shocked and they insisted that they had looked there several times before already. Two, I also find random lost items that are still in perfect condition all the time, like Burt's B's chapstick with the plastics wraps still on.

• 19:12Georgia Hardstark?

  I still wouldn't touch it.

• 19:15Karen Kilgariff?

  Yeah, because why did the person just go like, no thanks? Unopened candy, mints, or packages of gum, perfectly intact glasses and jewelry. And once again, a favorite recent story. Just last week, I found an unopened package of weed from a local dispensary on the ground.

• 19:30Georgia Hardstark?

  Yes.

• 19:30Karen Kilgariff?

  Still fully sealed and childproofed. Three, credit cards, debit cards, and IDs.

• 19:36Georgia Hardstark?

  Wow.

• 19:37Karen Kilgariff?

  At least four times a year, I find these items someone lost in my path. I try to return them when I can, but I can't always find the person. Once I even found what looked to be someone's entire wallet, everything but cash dumped out on the ground. I can't wait to see what I find next, and I would love to know, why isn't it also street cash? I guess I'll have to take my random weed gifts and acts of kindness finding strangers' keys for now. Stay sexy and keep your eyes on the potential prizes in front of you. Kendra.

• 20:07Georgia Hardstark?

  That's amazing.

• 20:08Karen Kilgariff?

  Isn't that so good?

• 20:09Georgia Hardstark?

  That reminds me of, so you know, obsessed with mud larking?

• 20:11Karen Kilgariff?

  Yes.

• 20:11Georgia Hardstark?

  Which is like finding stuff in the Thames and all that stuff. But and the thing I read about people who are really good at it, at just finding treasure among trash, is that our brains immediately want to spot man-made shapes.

• 20:24Karen Kilgariff?

  Hmm.

• 20:25Georgia Hardstark?

  So not natural shapes. It's just like, makes sense that your brain just goes to like a button among rocks because it's circular and it's not supposed to be in nature. So if you just kind of think like that.

• 20:34Karen Kilgariff?

  Yeah.

• 20:35Georgia Hardstark?

  That you're looking for not natural shapes, your brain will find whatever's there.

• 20:40Karen Kilgariff?

  Yeah.

• 20:40Georgia Hardstark?

  Isn't that cool?

• 20:41Karen Kilgariff?

  Yes, for sure. I follow a couple mud larking accounts on TikTok, and there's a woman who does it. And I'm almost positive she does this on purpose, and it's so brilliant. Because she puts this thing down into the water so the camera is clear. So you can see from her point of view.

• 20:56Georgia Hardstark?

  Yeah.

• 20:57Karen Kilgariff?

  Looking at the river, right? You've seen it?

• 20:59Georgia Hardstark?

  I but love her, yes.

• 20:59Karen Kilgariff?

  So it's almost like, I was looking here and this is interesting.

• 21:02Georgia Hardstark?

  Do you see it?

• 21:03Karen Kilgariff?

  Yes.

• 21:03Georgia Hardstark?

  Yeah.

• 21:04Karen Kilgariff?

  But then there's always something when she goes and picks up, say, like the button.

• 21:08Georgia Hardstark?

  Yeah.

• 21:08Karen Kilgariff?

  There's always something else in the shot. Totally. Where I'm like, why aren't you touching that over there? And I think that's potentially intentional so that it is a little more addictive.

• 21:18Georgia Hardstark?

  Yeah.

• 21:19Karen Kilgariff?

  Maybe, or it's my suggestion. Hide a little, hide a little bird in there.

• 21:25Georgia Hardstark?

  A little piece of like china.

• 21:26Karen Kilgariff?

  Yeah. That's my favorite. My favorite one was the bird that time.

• 21:29Georgia Hardstark?

  Yeah.

• 21:30Karen Kilgariff?

  Where someone found like, it was a bird whistle or something?

• 21:32Georgia Hardstark?

  Yeah, I know what you're talking about.

• 21:33Karen Kilgariff?

  Yeah.

• 21:33Georgia Hardstark?

  That's amazing.

• 21:33Karen Kilgariff?

  So good.

• 21:36Georgia Hardstark?

  The holidays are coming, which means we'll all be spending more time away from home.

• 21:40Karen Kilgariff?

  Whether you're visiting family or doing something actually fun, you want to know your home is protected while you're away.

• 21:45Georgia Hardstark?

  That's why now is a good time to think about home security with SimpliSafe.

• 21:49Karen Kilgariff?

  Unlike traditional security systems that alert you after a break-in starts, SimpliSafe is designed to help stop intruders before they get inside. These days, you're worried about your house, you're out of town, and then something comes up and you get to look on your phone and SimpliSafe is going to show you not only the video of like, "It's a raccoon at your front door," but also that they have staff that's sitting there, they already know. And if it was something different or worse, they would have already been on it.

• 22:15Georgia Hardstark?

  Yeah, I really think that's invaluable peace of mind that just like relying on your neighbors, paying attention is not going to give you. We've partnered with SimpliSafe to offer our listeners their biggest savings of the year. 70% off your new system with professional monitoring when you visit simplisafe.com/mfm.

• 22:32Karen Kilgariff?

  That's simplisafe.com/mfm. And when you order, write in "MFM" at checkout and it tells them we sent you and it really helps the show.

• 22:39Georgia Hardstark?

  SimpliSafe, ahead of crime, in real time. Goodbye. The holidays are filled with moments that remind us who matters most. The friend who always picks up the phone.

• 22:49Karen Kilgariff?

  The family member who's stood by your side. The people who know your story and help shape it every day.

• 22:54Georgia Hardstark?

  That's why this season Pandora's Holiday Collection is all about celebrating the ones you know by heart with a gift that says it all.

• 23:00Karen Kilgariff?

  Because the best gifts don't just look beautiful, they mean something too. Discover meaningful jewelry designed to honor every connection.

• 23:07Georgia Hardstark?

  Choose engraved pieces that turn memories into keepsakes.

• 23:10Karen Kilgariff?

  Celebrate special moments with festive charms that capture the spirit of the season or surprise someone extraordinary with the brilliance of Pandora's lab-grown diamonds.

• 23:18Georgia Hardstark?

  Each piece is thoughtfully crafted to help you express what can be difficult to put into words.

• 23:22Karen Kilgariff?

  Whether you're shopping for a partner, a parent, a best friend, or someone who's been there through it all, you'll find a gift that reflects everything they mean to you.

• 23:30Georgia Hardstark?

  Give a piece that says exactly what words can't.

• 23:33Karen Kilgariff?

  Pandora, more than a gift.

• 23:34Georgia Hardstark?

  Shop new styles in-store or online at pandora.net. Goodbye.

• 23:41Georgia Hardstark?

  Okay, here's my last one. I'm not gonna read you the title. I'm gonna read you the title. Is it moron? Doesn't make any sense. Hello, I've been listening since I came out of the womb. Maybe a bit traumatic, but it really feels like that. I love you guys so much and sometimes forget how much the podcast has grown. I recently had a job interview and someone I met told me they were from Petaluma.

• 24:03Karen Kilgariff?

  Hey.

• 24:03Georgia Hardstark?

  I said, oh, my God, this tiny underground podcast that I listen to. One of the hosts are from there. And she said, uh, yeah, people always say that when I tell them where I'm from. Imagine my surprise. Anyway, I never intended to write in, but I just listened to Minnesota 423 and was inspired by the story about the falling priest. Remember at the funeral and the priest fucking fell face down, just like, like a timber and just like made everyone at the funeral laugh.

• 24:30Karen Kilgariff?

  Yes.

• 24:30Georgia Hardstark?

  Okay.

• 24:31Karen Kilgariff?

  Yes, but also there have been so, we've done so many of these. It's kind of like, yep, there's somewhere in there.

• 24:38Georgia Hardstark?

  Totally. Yeah. So that that one was about laughing, needing a good laugh at a horrible time.

• 24:45Karen Kilgariff?

  Right.

• 24:45Georgia Hardstark?

  And how important that is. And so this, then it goes on to say, in 2017, I had spinal fusion surgery for my scoliosis. And being 16 at the time, I was treated at the children's hospital. In the waiting room full of kids, much sicker than I, and loads of worrying parents, we anxiously wait to hear our last name so we can go over final paperwork before the surgery. One of the nurses calls out for a family saying, is it moron?

• 25:13Georgia Hardstark?

  That annoyed mom says, it's Monroe. And then there's an emoji, like just this flat line of like, emoji. In a way that sounded like that mistake happens pretty frequently.

• 25:25Karen Kilgariff?

  Yeah.

• 25:25Georgia Hardstark?

  In a completely silent room, my parents and I lock eyes and burst out laughing. A nearby family joined in and we shared a much needed cackle before hours of surgery slash waiting. This is a classic story in our family and you guys feel like family, so I wanted to share.

• 25:42Karen Kilgariff?

  Oh.

• 25:42Georgia Hardstark?

  Stay sexy and don't yell moron in a room full of sick kids. Emma. Is it moron? Not moron.

• 25:52Karen Kilgariff?

  No, our name isn't like Dan and Jean moron and we're here with our child. What are you talking about?

• 25:59Georgia Hardstark?

  There's nobody named moron, probably.

• 26:01Karen Kilgariff?

  I think they would change their name.

• 26:03Georgia Hardstark?

  I think so, too.

• 26:05Karen Kilgariff?

  Okay, here's my last one. The subject line is bumper boats, trauma, lighthearted. Hi, I've been listening since 2016. Love you all.

• 26:14Georgia Hardstark?

  Wow, I haven't.

• 26:17Karen Kilgariff?

  When I was eight, my family went to the fair. My older siblings and I really wanted to go on the bumper boat attraction. Basically bumper cars on water. Have you ever done that?

• 26:26Georgia Hardstark?

  No, but it doesn't sound crazy.

• 26:27Karen Kilgariff?

  Right. Seems familiar, but I haven't done it. Each boat was equipped with rubber edges so you could crash into other boats without causing damage.

• 26:35Georgia Hardstark?

  Great.

• 26:36Karen Kilgariff?

  When we got in line, we could see the rules said ages eight and up could ride alone. I was elated. I felt so grown up, ready to captain my own tiny vessel. I remember seeing a younger boy riding with his mom and thinking, huh, he's not even old enough to drive his own boat. When they released us, I realized the steering was a lot harder than I'd imagined. The wheel was very sensitive. As everyone else was having fun driving around, I was desperately trying to control my boat. I was zigzagging all over the place. When the whistle blew to end the ride, everyone smoothly navigated back to the dock. Meanwhile, I couldn't figure out how to steer my boat that way. Full panic set in. The pool itself was not very big, but to me, it felt like the ocean. I thought to myself, I'll never make it back to the dock.

• 27:21Karen Kilgariff?

  Every time I came close to the dock and the ride attendant tried to catch me, I'd unintentionally zip away.

• 27:27Georgia Hardstark?

  Oh, no. I'm not doing it on purpose.

• 27:32Karen Kilgariff?

  This went on so long that the attendant started to put waders on to get into the water to grab me.

• 27:38Georgia Hardstark?

  Oh, and you're probably crying.

• 27:41Karen Kilgariff?

  Just humiliating.

• 27:42Georgia Hardstark?

  So humiliating.

• 27:43Karen Kilgariff?

  Just trying to have fun at the fucking fair. However, before he stepped into the pool, an older gentleman who was standing near the edge caught my boat and was able to guide me to the dock. Relief flooded me as I burst into tears. Meanwhile, my mom was laughing hysterically as she watched the whole thing unfold from the sidelines. She had to physically turn away so I couldn't see how hard she was laughing at my terror.

• 28:07Georgia Hardstark?

  It's like the littlest bit of joy she's had in so fucking long.

• 28:11Karen Kilgariff?

  And also, it's controlled danger, right? It's like, sure, you're crying, but nothing's gonna happen from this. This is so hilarious.

• 28:20Karen Kilgariff?

  Once I was back on dry land, she took me in her arms and we decided that was enough riots for the day.

• 28:24Georgia Hardstark?

  Yeah, let's go home.

• 28:25Karen Kilgariff?

  Since then, I've always wondered if they raised the minimum wage after that incident. I'll never know. SSDGM and always have a pair of waiters on hand. Kelsey.

• 28:34Georgia Hardstark?

  Being a kid sucks so bad.

• 28:38Karen Kilgariff?

  It's a series of seeing other kids doing things, going, here's what I'm gonna do when I do that thing.

• 28:43Georgia Hardstark?

  Yeah.

• 28:44Karen Kilgariff?

  You go to do that thing. Not only do none of those things happen, but a series of other totally unprepared for and like unimaginable things happen. And then you're like, oh, that's how I lived my childhood.

• 28:57Georgia Hardstark?

  After humiliation.

• 28:58Karen Kilgariff?

  Constant.

• 28:59Georgia Hardstark?

  It's why I don't want kids mainly, because I don't want to live through someone else's horrible fucking childhood again.

• 29:06Karen Kilgariff?

  For real, for real.

• 29:07Georgia Hardstark?

  I can't watch someone I love get bullied.

• 29:10Karen Kilgariff?

  No.

• 29:10Georgia Hardstark?

  Or humiliated. Like, I just can't do it. I'm done. I'm done with that part of life.

• 29:14Karen Kilgariff?

  Or hold their hand through it and be like, it'll be okay, because it's like, it's not okay.

• 29:17Georgia Hardstark?

  It won't. By the grace of God, it's fine, right? You and I are fine. But like.

• 29:20Karen Kilgariff?

  The good news is, nothing's okay. So in a way, we do have to keep on remembering. And like you're saying, we just have to keep remembering and reminding each other always.

• 29:30Georgia Hardstark?

  Yeah.

• 29:30Karen Kilgariff?

  This happens to every single person. It's just a different noun. It's not the bumper boats. It's just a different, it's.

• 29:36Georgia Hardstark?

  Pantsed. Mine is pantsed.

• 29:38Karen Kilgariff?

  Oh.

• 29:38Georgia Hardstark?

  It's just always something. Yours is tampons being thrown across.

• 29:42Karen Kilgariff?

  Mine's the tampon suitcase. Yeah. It's also the day I watched a girl who was, I think, in fifth or sixth grade walk in, because it was free dress day. I think I've told you this a thousand times. But this one had killed my soul, because I was in eighth grade. And of course, I went to Catholic school, so it was first through eighth. So the eighth graders, by the time you're in eighth grade, you're like, I'm fine, and I'm trying, just trying to prepare for high school.

• 30:03Georgia Hardstark?

  Yeah.

• 30:03Karen Kilgariff?

  It was free dress day, which we got, like, I think, once a month. So it was very special. Everyone wore their best, and it was a big deal. This little girl, who was a lovely girl, and I think she was only in, like, the fourth or fifth grade.

• 30:16Karen Kilgariff?

  And also our, sorry, I tried to make this fast, but our playground, because it was Catholic school, it was like part gravel, part unpaved, like

• 30:23Georgia Hardstark?

  Okay.

• 30:24Karen Kilgariff?

  Bad for children to play on. Literally a 45 grade downhill. Like you weren't allowed to run because you would start and you wouldn't be able to stop, blah, blah, blah. I'd never noticed this before, but in the entrance, there was almost like a little lip of like asphalt where they kept having to pave over it because this is where all the kids walked in. But then it was downhill started.

• 30:43Georgia Hardstark?

  Mm-hmm.

• 30:44Karen Kilgariff?

  And this little girl walked in and immediately slipped and fell because she had brand new like Mary Janes on.

• 30:50Georgia Hardstark?

  Yeah.

• 30:51Karen Kilgariff?

  Or hard shoes that she had not scuffed. And she got up and basically fell down like five times in front of the eighth grade girls.

• 30:58Georgia Hardstark?

  Oh, no.

• 30:59Karen Kilgariff?

  And by the end, I mean, it was four or five. By the end, me and my friend almost went to get her and then she finally made it up and like ran away.

• 31:07Georgia Hardstark?

  Oh, my God.

• 31:08Karen Kilgariff?

  But it was one of those things where I was watching going, you'll always remember this.

• 31:11Georgia Hardstark?

  You'll never forget this moment.

• 31:12Karen Kilgariff?

  You'll, you'll always scuff your shoes. This has changed your trajectory.

• 31:16Georgia Hardstark?

  Absolutely. It's the kid who pisses themselves or calls, calls the teacher mom on accident in third grade. You'll never not be that kid.

• 31:23Karen Kilgariff?

  And you'll hold it like you think that's the reason people don't want to talk to you in a bar or something.

• 31:28Georgia Hardstark?

  But everyone's fine. Everyone has that.

• 31:30Karen Kilgariff?

  Everyone's barfed and pissed and called people mom that they're not supposed to call mom. We're gonna be okay. We're gonna be okay. We're gonna be okay. Stay sexy.

• 31:40Georgia Hardstark?

  And don't get murdered. Goodbye.

• 31:43Speaker 02

  Elvis, do you want a cookie? Ah.

• 31:52Karen Kilgariff?

  This has been an Exactly Right Production.

• 31:54Georgia Hardstark?

  Our senior producer is Alejandra Keck.

• 31:56Karen Kilgariff?

  Our editor is Aristotle Acevedo.

• 31:59Georgia Hardstark?

  This episode was mixed by Leana Scolacci.

• 32:01Karen Kilgariff?

  Email your hometowns to [email protected].

• 32:04Georgia Hardstark?

  And follow the show on Instagram and Facebook at My Favorite Murder.

• 32:08Karen Kilgariff?

  Goodbye.

• 32:15Karen Kilgariff?

  Vacation planning should feel like a breeze, not a deep dive into countless travel sites searching for the best deal.

• 32:20Georgia Hardstark?

  With CheapCaribbean's Budget Beach Finder, you can search every destination and every date all in one search.

• 32:26Karen Kilgariff?

  You'll save time and money with the Budget Beach Finder.

• 32:28Georgia Hardstark?

  Say goodbye to endless scrolling and tab hopping and hello to Budget Beach Bliss at your fingertips.

• 32:34Karen Kilgariff?

  Go to CheapCaribbean.com to try out the Budget Beach Finder and see just how stress-free vacation planning should be.

• 32:40Georgia Hardstark?

  Goodbye.

• 32:41Speaker 03

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