MFM Minisode 429

This week’s hometowns include an April Fool's Day prank gone very right and a robber disguised as Groucho Marx. Support this podcast by shopping our latest sponsor deals and promotions at this link: https://bit.ly/3UFCn1g. See omnystudio.com/listener https://omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Speaker names marked ? are inferred from speaking time and the show’s known hosts — they are not voice-verified.

• 0:01Karen Kilgariff?

  This is exactly right.

• 0:06Georgia Hardstark?

  In New Orleans, truckers kept getting sideswiped the exact same way.

• 0:10Karen Kilgariff?

  When a man is found murdered under questionable circumstances related to these accidents, that's when the rubber hits the road.

• 0:16Georgia Hardstark?

  And what the feds uncover is a complex scheme of staged wrecks, financial fraud, and a pair of conspiring lovers behind it.

• 0:23Karen Kilgariff?

  This is a story about fake accidents that led to real consequences.

• 0:27Georgia Hardstark?

  Listen to Over My Dead Body: Operation Sideswipe wherever you get your podcasts.

• 0:31Karen Kilgariff?

  Audible subscribers can binge all episodes early and ad-free right now.

• 0:35Georgia Hardstark?

  Join Audible in the Audible app or by subscribing on Apple Podcasts or Spotify. Goodbye. You know a favorite M-word? Magnesium.

• 0:43Karen Kilgariff?

  Like the kind that's in Dr. Teal's magnesium spray.

• 0:46Georgia Hardstark?

  Made from a proprietary blend of topical minerals, it's designed to relax and prepare you for a night of rest.

• 0:51Karen Kilgariff?

  If you need a reset after your day, make Dr. Teal's magnesium spray part of your nighttime routine.

• 0:56Georgia Hardstark?

  Generously spritz each foot before bed, and you'll be all set. I've actually started doing this, and I'm obsessed with magnesium. It does everything.

• 1:04Karen Kilgariff?

  Something like this is just like, it's simple, it's easy, and it actually works.

• 1:07Georgia Hardstark?

  Totally. For wellness you can feel, find Dr. Teal's magnesium spray online or in your local bath aisle.

• 1:12Karen Kilgariff?

  Goodbye.

• 1:30Karen Kilgariff?

  Hello. And welcome.

• 1:32Georgia Hardstark?

  To my favorite murder.

• 1:33Karen Kilgariff?

  The minisode.

• 1:34Georgia Hardstark?

  It's mini.

• 1:35Karen Kilgariff?

  We email.

• 1:37Georgia Hardstark?

  Nope.

• 1:37Karen Kilgariff?

  We email?

• 1:38Georgia Hardstark?

  You email.

• 1:39Karen Kilgariff?

  You email.

• 1:40Georgia Hardstark?

  We read email.

• 1:40Karen Kilgariff?

  We read them.

• 1:41Georgia Hardstark?

  Hey, and guess what? It's almost April Fool's Day.

• 1:43Karen Kilgariff?

  Yeah. Do you have a prank story to kick us off with?

• 1:46Georgia Hardstark?

  Yeah, I'll kick us off with a prank story.

• 1:47Karen Kilgariff?

  Okay.

• 1:48Georgia Hardstark?

  This is called prank gone very, very right. Dear Karen, Georgia, still Steven, even though I know you aren't involved right now, and all the other fantastic folks involved in the show.

• 1:58Karen Kilgariff?

  Still Steven.

• 1:59Georgia Hardstark?

  Still Steven.

• 2:00Karen Kilgariff?

  That's very sweet.

• 2:00Georgia Hardstark?

  After all these years. You asked for stories about pranks, and I immediately put down my quilting to type this up, as otherwise, I would have forgot. Finally, I thought, it's my time to shine. April Fool's Day is one of my favorite holidays. It was the only day we were allowed to play practical jokes in my household, and this was a big deal. There were the classics. My mom taping the lid of the toilet down so my sleepy brother would slap himself trying to open it. My brother dying his water red so my mom would think he was drinking blood. It is not a great prank, but he was five. And my dad waking my brother and I up for school, getting us all ready and to the bus stop, then informing us it was Saturday.

• 2:37Karen Kilgariff?

  Oh.

• 2:38Georgia Hardstark?

  Ouch. However, I want to tell you my best prank, as I am quite proud and it required some careful planning. Firstly, you need to know that my dad is neat and orderly and did almost all of the cooking. I grew up with strict rules about how the dishwasher was loaded, that spices need to be placed with their labels facing out, and that everything had a place, which was never changed, including each item in the pantry, based on how often it is used and who uses it.

• 3:02Karen Kilgariff?

  That's intense.

• 3:03Georgia Hardstark?

  Yeah. How's your anxiety doing?

• 3:05Karen Kilgariff?

  It's pretty ratcheted up right now.

• 3:07Georgia Hardstark?

  Yeah. This need for order is likely why there was a scheduled day for practical jokes.

• 3:13Karen Kilgariff?

  Dad. It was dad in the army.

• 3:16Georgia Hardstark?

  Right. So at about 11:00 PM on March 31st, when I was 15, my parents were asleep, as I could hear them snoring. I go into the kitchen with a plan. Reek orderly havoc. I switched, all caps, everything. Now, I don't mean I put the plates where the cookbooks were and the cookbooks where the plates. That would be too easy to fix. I took out the plates and put the cookbooks there, and then put the cups where the cookbooks were, and the spices where the cups were, and then the non-perishables where the spices were, et cetera, et cetera. In order to not wake my parents, I had to do this slowly, setting down towels and tiptoeing. It took me until nearly 4:00 AM. Can you imagine being 15?

• 3:55Karen Kilgariff?

  15. Yeah, that's dedication.

• 3:57Georgia Hardstark?

  Yeah. Until my work was complete. Finally satisfied with the job well done, I went to bed. I awoke gleefully to, in all caps, what the hell? I don't know, I'm doing home Jim's impression.

• 4:08Karen Kilgariff?

  That's a dad sound. That's what dads sound like.

• 4:10Georgia Hardstark?

  Around 6:30 AM, and remember falling back to sleep to my parents muttering about, oh my God, it's all the drawers too. By the time I got up around 8:30, it was as if nothing had ever happened in the kitchen, and I got a gritted teeth smile about how this was a great joke. But next time, tone it down a little. Had I done this to my dad's workshop outside, I would likely have been out of the will, regardless of the rules. April Fools is still an important day to me, and now my target is my partner, who has had to eat cookies made with Skittles instead of M&Ms, and other little harmless pranks that somehow he still falls for without suspicion for the last nearly seven years.

• 4:49Karen Kilgariff?

  They married the perfect person.

• 4:50Georgia Hardstark?

  Oh, it's sweet.

• 4:51Karen Kilgariff?

  A dupe.

• 4:52Georgia Hardstark?

  Yeah. Stay sexy and prank those you love, Asia, she/her.

• 4:57Karen Kilgariff?

  Asia, those are good pranks.

• 4:59Georgia Hardstark?

  Yeah.

• 5:00Karen Kilgariff?

  I want to go back to the five-year-old's blood-drinking prank.

• 5:02Georgia Hardstark?

  You like that one.

• 5:03Karen Kilgariff?

  Well, they're five.

• 5:05Georgia Hardstark?

  Yeah.

• 5:05Karen Kilgariff?

  That's really good.

• 5:06Georgia Hardstark?

  It is.

• 5:07Karen Kilgariff?

  Just like, "Ma, I'm drinking blood." Okay. The subject line of this email is "Groucho Marx, Comedian, Satirist, Bank Robber?" Exclamation point. "Hello, everyone from the Fuck Word Murder Mystery Show. Longtime listener, second-time writer, hopefully first time on the pod. Did I make it? There is simply no way to know. In 2009, I was a supervisor at my local Safeway. In my town, a lot of the stores had a branch of the local credit union built into the store. Makes sense, need money for your eggs, there's a credit union for you in store. One afternoon in August, the manager of the credit union came running up to me and shouted, 'We were just robbed.' Me, being 20 years old and possibly stoned, timidly said, 'Uh, is everyone okay?'"

• 5:52Karen Kilgariff?

  She went on to tell me that everyone was fine, but that someone came to the teller desk wearing a Groucho Marx mask, think the glasses, fake nose, and mustache. "He handed the teller notes, telling her to hand him all the money in her till, and that he was armed. Once he had the money, he took off running out the door. Money and mustache blowing in the summer wind." Surely this is the craziest. It can be right, wrong. Three weeks later, the same man came back to the branch and robbed them again.

• 6:20Georgia Hardstark?

  Dude.

• 6:21Karen Kilgariff?

  Same note, gun in pocket, and of course, the signature disguise. However, this time, there was a United States Marine in line behind him, who noticed something was up and interrupted him. Groucho took off running with the Marine in hot pursuit, on the phone with the police. Groucho was cornered by the police and probably the hero Marine, in a casino parking lot, where he drew his fake gun on police and was promptly shot and killed.

• 6:48Georgia Hardstark?

  Oh my God. And I just want to say, a bank's money is not worth risking your life for.

• 6:53Karen Kilgariff?

  A till's money.

• 6:55Georgia Hardstark?

  A till.

• 6:56Karen Kilgariff?

  No.

• 6:57Georgia Hardstark?

  Worth of money is not worth running that person down. Innocent bystanders could have been hurt. Anything could have happened.

• 7:03Karen Kilgariff?

  But that, that idea of, why would you pull a fake gun? It's horrible. Okay, so imagine my continued surprise to learn that we were not the only place this guy had robbed in the recent months. Apparently, the FBI was involved in this case and had dubbed the man "The Fashioned faux pas Bandit", due to its unusual form of disguise. Side note, I vote the FBI is now in charge of naming things from now on. I disagree. Stay sexy and don't impersonate vaudevillian icons when committing felonies. Brayden, he/him.

• 7:32Georgia Hardstark?

  Wow.

• 7:34Karen Kilgariff?

  Isn't that incredible?

• 7:35Georgia Hardstark?

  That was a prank. That was awful.

• 7:36Karen Kilgariff?

  It was not a prank, but I'm really trying to support the true crime theme, so.

• 7:40Georgia Hardstark?

  I appreciate that.

• 7:43Georgia Hardstark?

  The holidays are coming, which means we'll all be spending more time away from home.

• 7:47Karen Kilgariff?

  Whether you're visiting family or doing something actually fun, you want to know your home is protected while you're away.

• 7:53Georgia Hardstark?

  That's why now is a good time to think about home security with SimpliSafe.

• 7:56Karen Kilgariff?

  Unlike traditional security systems that alert you after a break-in starts, SimpliSafe is designed to help stop intruders before they get inside. These days, you're worried about your house, you're out of town, and then something comes up and you get to look on your phone, and SimpliSafe is going to show you not only the video of like, "It's a raccoon at your front door", but also that they have staff that's sitting there, they already know. And if it was something different or worse, they would have already been on it.

• 8:22Georgia Hardstark?

  I really think that's invaluable peace of mind that just like relying on your neighbors, paying attention is not going to give you. We've partnered with SimpliSafe to offer our listeners their biggest savings of the year. 70% off your new system with professional monitoring when you visit simplisafe.com/mfm.

• 8:39Karen Kilgariff?

  That's simplisafe.com/mfm. And when you order, write in MFM at checkout and it tells them we sent you and it really helps the show.

• 8:47Georgia Hardstark?

  SimpliSafe, ahead of crime in real time.

• 8:49Karen Kilgariff?

  Goodbye. This podcast is brought to you by Squarespace. Turning something you love into a career is exciting. Then come the invoices. Lucky for you, Squarespace can handle the business stuff so you can focus on your business. From consultations to events and experiences, you can showcase your skills with a customizable website designed to attract clients and grow your business. With Squarespace's collection of cutting-edge design tools, anyone can build a beautiful, professional, online presence that perfectly fits their brand or business. Get paid on time with professional invoices and online payments. Plus, streamline your workflow with built-in appointment scheduling and email marketing tools. Head to Squarespace.com/murder for a free trial.

• 9:32Karen Kilgariff?

  And when you're ready to launch, use offer code MURDER to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain. Goodbye.

• 9:41Georgia Hardstark?

  Okay, my next one's called Cat Fishing: Blackmail and Family. Chicken soup for the murderino soul. Hello. In 2008, I worked with a recently widowed woman who was venturing into online dating for the first time. We'd often chat about her experiences during our breaks. One day, she excitedly told me about a new man named, quote, "Mike." He was showering her with flowers, fancy dinners, and personalized, rather suggestive poetry.

• 10:06Karen Kilgariff?

  Gross.

• 10:07Georgia Hardstark?

  I know. Like, can you not?

• 10:09Karen Kilgariff?

  No one wants regular poetry.

• 10:10Georgia Hardstark?

  No, right. No one wants to hear poetry about, like, your underwear or whatever. He also claimed-

• 10:16Karen Kilgariff?

  Dirty poetry.

• 10:17Georgia Hardstark?

  Dirty poetry. Ew.

• 10:19Karen Kilgariff?

  Get out of here.

• 10:20Georgia Hardstark?

  What are you, a fucking skunk?

• 10:22Karen Kilgariff?

  A French skunk?

• 10:24Georgia Hardstark?

  Okay. He also claimed to be a wealthy inventor, having made his fortune from the zip tie.

• 10:29Karen Kilgariff?

  Oh shit.

• 10:30Georgia Hardstark?

  We're already calling bullshit on this guy, right?

• 10:32Karen Kilgariff?

  I mean, that would be a great lie.

• 10:33Georgia Hardstark?

  Yeah.

• 10:33Karen Kilgariff?

  I'm the heir to the zip tie fortune. It's me.

• 10:36Georgia Hardstark?

  Hey, it's me. I was immediately skeptical. Not only was he not listed as the zip tie inventor online, but there were other red flags. He claimed to be divorced, but still lived with his ex-wife, whom he described as sometimes bedridden, sometimes mentally unwell. He was also secretive about his cellphone when they were together, always seeming to be on it, but never wanting her to see what he was doing. Despite my concerns, it's hard to dissuade someone in the throes of infatuation, so I simply urged her to be cautious. Like, she's recently widowed, she's trying dating again, let's assume it's been 20 years and she's dated. Like, that's just, you fall for some shit, I feel like. You forget what dating's like.

• 11:12Karen Kilgariff?

  And you wanna be kind of blind. You just wanna assume the best.

• 11:15Georgia Hardstark?

  Right.

• 11:15Karen Kilgariff?

  And a friend that says, "Don't do that," you will just walk away from.

• 11:18Georgia Hardstark?

  Totally.

• 11:19Karen Kilgariff?

  Like, you don't, it's too, that drug is so strong.

• 11:22Georgia Hardstark?

  It's so strong. Around this time, my recently divorced aunt moved in with my parents to get back on her feet. While visiting, I learned she was out on a date with someone she'd just met, a man named Mike. He was sending her flowers, taking her to fancy dinners, and writing her steamy poems. It's his fucking MO.

• 11:38Karen Kilgariff?

  Mike's a slut.

• 11:40Georgia Hardstark?

  It's fucking creepy. And of course, he claimed to be the zip tie inventor. The coincidence was too much. I immediately shared everything my coworker told me, including the unsettling details about Mike's living situation and questionable behavior. He was not only a two-timer, but potentially a far more dangerous predator. Like, don't bring up zip ties immediately. If you're gonna make something up, zip ties are the creepiest thing you can make up.

• 12:02Karen Kilgariff?

  That's really, you know what I was thinking of? Was Ziploc bags.

• 12:05Georgia Hardstark?

  Yeah.

• 12:06Karen Kilgariff?

  So I was like, wow, that's kind of, that's a lot of money. But it's like, ew, no, zip ties. No, that's really disturbing.

• 12:13Georgia Hardstark?

  It is. My parents, upon hearing this, told my aunt that Mike was not welcome around them or in their home, because she, the aunt lived with them. The next day, I received a call from my aunt. She demanded I retract everything I'd said about Mike, or she'd reveal a secret of mine to my parents.

• 12:29Karen Kilgariff?

  What?

• 12:29Georgia Hardstark?

  Yeah.

• 12:30Karen Kilgariff?

  Jesus Aunt Judy, take it easy. You don't know him that well.

• 12:35Georgia Hardstark?

  It's really weird, right?

• 12:36Karen Kilgariff?

  She's throwing over a family, she's like,

• 12:38Georgia Hardstark?

  Immediately.

• 12:39Karen Kilgariff?

  Don't get between me and my man.

• 12:41Georgia Hardstark?

  Yeah. This secret wasn't something I was ashamed of, but it was a deeply personal choice I'd kept from them, knowing it could be particularly hurtful. I had never planned on them finding out, but I'd rather face their disappointment than allow a predator near my family. Like, what an awful position to put this person in.

• 12:58Karen Kilgariff?

  So shitty.

• 12:59Georgia Hardstark?

  So shitty. My aunt underestimated me. Instead of giving in, I called my parents and told them everything, including my aunt's blackmail attempt. They stood firmly by my side and asked my aunt to leave their home. I haven't spoken to her since. I also had to break the news to my coworker about Mike's double dealing. It was painful for her, but I believe it ultimately helped her become more discerning in her dating life. Looking back, the whole situation feels bizarre. I'm just glad to have been in a position to protect my family from a suspicious character. My parents' unwavering support solidified our bond, and I'm grateful for them every day. Well, this is where I leave you. Bye.

• 13:35Karen Kilgariff?

  Bye.

• 13:36Georgia Hardstark?

  Jess.

• 13:38Karen Kilgariff?

  Wow, that was fascinating.

• 13:40Georgia Hardstark?

  I know, like, family dynamics are so fucked.

• 13:42Karen Kilgariff?

  I just didn't expect an aunt story to be like, and then my aunt was like, fuck you.

• 13:46Georgia Hardstark?

  I'll blackmail you with a secret you just told me because I'm your aunt that you trust and like, you can tell anything to, but guess what, you can't.

• 13:54Karen Kilgariff?

  She really broke an aunt bond right there. That's bullshit.

• 13:57Georgia Hardstark?

  As aunts ourselves, that's, you just crossed the line.

• 14:00Karen Kilgariff?

  Yeah, Georgia and I are both deeply, deeply offended. Okay. Again, this is a variation on the theme, but I just thought it was really funny. It says, "Email typos and other uh-ohs. Karen and Georgia, I love you so much." That was all in caps. "Now, let's lock in. You were discussing embarrassing mistakes from childhood we grew up with and are known for, basically forever. As a repeat, Mom, I mean, insert elementary teacher's name here, offender."

• 14:26Georgia Hardstark?

  A repeat. Oh, no. Called the teacher mom multiple times. God, you can't live that down.

• 14:34Karen Kilgariff?

  I have a more recent story of this for you. During COVID, while working from home, emails were everything. As an anxious but eager communications intern with FedEx at the time, I was regularly communicating with senior leadership as a ghostwriter of sorts. On two "yes two" occasions, my childhood mistakes got the best of me. Exhibit A, while responding to an email from the CEO of the company, I sent "yes mama," meaning to write "yes ma'am."

• 15:01Georgia Hardstark?

  Yes mama.

• 15:02Karen Kilgariff?

  Yes mama, slay. Slay mama. Exhibit B, while responding to an email from the senior VP of Sales, I sent "ho," H-O-E, "how are you?" Meaning to say hello, "how are you?" "Ho, how are you?"

• 15:17Georgia Hardstark?

  How are you?

• 15:17Karen Kilgariff?

  Having survived those emails and looking back on how far I've come as a communications professional, I'm thankful to know now that no matter how much experience you have, we are all still humans and make mistakes.

• 15:29Georgia Hardstark?

  Love that.

• 15:29Karen Kilgariff?

  Every goddamn day. Since listening to one of your early episodes in my college podcasting class.

• 15:35Georgia Hardstark?

  What? We could have gone to college after all?

• 15:39Karen Kilgariff?

  I guess we did.

• 15:40Georgia Hardstark?

  I guess so.

• 15:41Karen Kilgariff?

  We could. They took us to college.

• 15:42Georgia Hardstark?

  That is, that's crazy.

• 15:44Karen Kilgariff?

  I, I apologize. I cannot express how thankful I am for you both. You've gotten me through many miles of half marathon training, multiple road trips, and filled my Mondays, Wednesdays, and Thursdays with much joy. Not to mention, Karen, I was also in for each and still currently are as an advisor. And I love hearing you reflect on it. So stay sexy and proofread your emails, Kelsey K.

• 16:07Georgia Hardstark?

  Wow. It is nice to know, like, a professional who actually does that for a living has fucked up.

• 16:13Karen Kilgariff?

  Yeah. "Ho, how are you?"

• 16:15Georgia Hardstark?

  "Ho, how are you?" The holidays are coming, which means we'll all be spending more time away from home.

• 16:21Karen Kilgariff?

  Whether you're visiting family or doing something actually fun, you want to know your home is protected while you're away.

• 16:27Georgia Hardstark?

  That's why now is a good time to think about home security with SimpliSafe.

• 16:30Karen Kilgariff?

  Unlike traditional security systems that alert you after a break-in starts, SimpliSafe is designed to help stop intruders before they get inside. These days, you're worried about your house, you're out of town, and then something comes up and you get to look. Look on your phone and SimpliSafe is going to show you not only the video of like, it's a raccoon at your front door, but also that they have staff that's sitting there, they already know. And if it was something different or worse, they would have already been on it.

• 16:56Georgia Hardstark?

  Yeah, I really think that's invaluable peace of mind that just like relying on your neighbors, paying attention is not going to give you. We've partnered with SimpliSafe to offer our listeners their biggest savings of the year. 70% off your new system with professional monitoring when you visit simplisafe.com/mfm.

• 17:13Karen Kilgariff?

  That's simplisafe.com/mfm. And when you order, write in MFM at checkout and it tells them we sent you and it really helps the show.

• 17:21Georgia Hardstark?

  SimpliSafe, ahead of crime in real time.

• 17:24Karen Kilgariff?

  Goodbye. Sometimes being a little salty is completely justified.

• 17:28Georgia Hardstark?

  Pair your salty side with something sweet with the new salted caramel flavor from Kachava.

• 17:33Karen Kilgariff?

  Kachava is a whole body shake with plant-based protein, fiber, greens, and other nutrients to help fill nutritional gaps.

• 17:40Georgia Hardstark?

  Just two scoops provide complete nutrition your body craves with protein, fiber, greens, and so much more.

• 17:47Karen Kilgariff?

  Their new salty caramel flavor combines sweet caramel with a little salt. So you get that salty, sweet balance along with the nutrition Kachava is known for.

• 17:54Georgia Hardstark?

  When the day demands your salty side, fuel it with plant-based protein that actually tastes delicious.

• 17:59Karen Kilgariff?

  I really do love Kachava and I really do think it does taste delicious for getting you through the morning, filling in the gap if you just need some protein and you need some vitamins. It's such a nice little treat.

• 18:11Georgia Hardstark?

  It's such an easy way to get everything you need and it tastes good too, which is just huge bonus.

• 18:15Karen Kilgariff?

  So embrace your salty side.

• 18:16Georgia Hardstark?

  Go to kachava.com and use code MFM for 15% off your first order.

• 18:21Karen Kilgariff?

  That's Kachava, K-A-C-H-A-V-A.com code MFM.

• 18:25Georgia Hardstark?

  Goodbye.

• 18:28Georgia Hardstark?

  Okay, this is my last one.

• 18:29Karen Kilgariff?

  Okay.

• 18:30Georgia Hardstark?

  And actually, this one is kind of like a precursor to next week's episode because next week is actually National Pet Day. So we're going to do pet stories.

• 18:40Karen Kilgariff?

  Hero pet stories.

• 18:40Georgia Hardstark?

  Hero pet stories. Okay, this is called Hero Cat. Hello, ladies, pets, researchers, and the memory of Stephen's mustache. Stephen got two callouts in this fucking episode.

• 18:49Karen Kilgariff?

  The people miss Stephen.

• 18:50Georgia Hardstark?

  I know. I'm writing in about my own personal defender, my cat, Philip. A little background. I live with my cousin Angie and four pets, two dogs, Dewey and Chandler Bing.

• 19:02Georgia Hardstark?

  And two cats, Philip and Princess. Late one night, probably after midnight, my cousin was coming home after going out. Oh, yeah, I picked this one because it sounds like something my cat, Moe, would do. I was already in bed with the dogs. Being a smart murderino, I had locked up the house prior to going to sleep, thinking my cousin had her key. I forgot she had broken it off in the lock earlier that week. So I slept in blissful ignorance while she fought with the door, called my phone, it was on Do Not Disturb, and finally resorted to seeing if she could break it. I want to remind you, I have two dogs. Neither alerted me to her assaulting the back door. She gets our front porch rocker, hauls it to the side of the house, and proceeds to climb into the window in our living room.

• 19:43Georgia Hardstark?

  As she's halfway through, the dogs still unconcerned, my cat Philip decides to take matters into his own hands. She says, out of nowhere, he flies straight at her face, claws out. Good boy. He begins hitting her in the face as hard as his little toe beans could. Oh, Moe would totally fucking do this.

• 20:04Karen Kilgariff?

  Yeah, I could see that.

• 20:05Georgia Hardstark?

  Even if he knew who it was, he might do it anyways. Till he hit a bitch.

• 20:08Karen Kilgariff?

  Sure.

• 20:08Georgia Hardstark?

  She grabbed him and told him to stop. He was undeterred. He continued to bat at her, this time with claws in, as we think he realized it was her and was now just pissed she was coming through the window. So no claws the second time. Okay.

• 20:22Karen Kilgariff?

  But now it's just a fun game.

• 20:23Georgia Hardstark?

  But fuck you, yeah. I still did not wake up, nor did the dogs. Thank God it was only Angie and Philip was there to defend the house. Stay sexy and maybe be a smarter murderino and lock the windows too. Cho, she, her.

• 20:35Karen Kilgariff?

  That's a really good point. You lock yourself out of the front door.

• 20:39Georgia Hardstark?

  And it's that easy to break in.

• 20:40Karen Kilgariff?

  Everything, just go right in this door.

• 20:42Georgia Hardstark?

  Yeah.

• 20:42Karen Kilgariff?

  Smaller, harder to get into. Okay, here's my last one. The subject line is how my dad traumatized me with the Jaws ride at Universal Studios. Because there's a fine line between pranking and lifelong trauma. From a parent.

• 20:57Georgia Hardstark?

  Truly.

• 20:58Karen Kilgariff?

  Hi hotties, longtime listener, first time emailer. Love you, blah, blah, blah. Let's get into it. I'm not sure if you specifically asked for childhood humiliation or parent prank stories, but here's mine. The year is 2006. I'm seven years old on vacation in Florida with my dad, brother and stepmom. We're staying at the Nickelodeon Hotel. And then in parentheses, it says, "Peak Childhood Luxury."

• 21:21Georgia Hardstark?

  Richie Rich.

• 21:22Karen Kilgariff?

  I want to know details about the Nickelodeon Hotel.

• 21:25Georgia Hardstark?

  Yeah.

• 21:26Karen Kilgariff?

  What is that?

• 21:27Georgia Hardstark?

  I have no idea.

• 21:28Karen Kilgariff?

  Little cars that you can drive around in the hallways?

• 21:30Georgia Hardstark?

  That was fun.

• 21:31Karen Kilgariff?

  Bowls of candy? And on this particular day, we're heading to Universal Studios. Life is good. That afternoon, my dad has planned a boat ride for us all. As an amateur marine biologist, read avid SpongeBob watcher and mermaid enthusiast, I am thrilled. Getting on the boat, my brother offers me the seat closest to the water. This should have been a red flag as my brother was never this nice. But I took the seat without hesitation. The boat tour starts, taking us through a town I've never heard of. But I, being seven, am not really paying attention to what the guide is saying. I just remember thinking, wow, I love Florida. The wind in my hair, the sun on my face, a perfect moment. And then suddenly, the energy shifts. Our tour guide gets a radio call, something about an accident with another boat.

• 22:16Karen Kilgariff?

  Up ahead, we see the wreckage, a boat capsized with a massive jagged bite taken out of it. The guide is panicking. My first grade brain is desperately trying to process what I'm seeing.

• 22:26Georgia Hardstark?

  Oh my god.

• 22:27Karen Kilgariff?

  And then I see it, a shark fin. A massive shark fin slicing through the water toward us. Our boat speeds away. I grip my seat, my heart pounding as we narrowly escape, taking shelter in a dark, flickering boathouse. And just when I think we might be safe, bam. The shark lunges out of the water at the boat, and that's when I lose my mind.

• 22:48Karen Kilgariff?

  I start screaming. I mean, blood-curdling, guttural, survival mode screaming. The shark attacks again, this time coming right for me. This is it, I think. We are all going to die. If you haven't figured it out by now, the boat ride my dad so thoughtfully planned was in fact the Jaws ride. I'd never seen Jaws, yet my father, my protector, my hero, thought it'd be hilarious to prank me with a life-or-death encounter with a giant animatronic shark. I don't remember after that. I probably blacked out from sheer terror. At some point, the shark died and we made it back to shore, where I finally realized it had all been a setup. As an absolute daddy's girl, the betrayal cut deep. I refused to acknowledge my father for the rest of the day, a small price to pay in his eyes.

• 23:34Karen Kilgariff?

  In the years that followed, he never apologized for this manufactured trauma. His only regret, that he didn't bring a video camera to capture my screams, red face, and now legendary forehead vein, that made its first and most traumatic appearance. Then it just says, "What an asshole."

• 23:50Georgia Hardstark?

  Oh my god.

• 23:51Karen Kilgariff?

  I lost my dad Bruce in 2019 to brain cancer, and my life has never been the same. He was my best friend and truly the best parent my brother and I could have asked for, though this story does not paint him in the best light. And then it says lol. He didn't listen to MFN, but I know he would have loved it. He's definitely the reason I'm a murderino. Anyway, I'm not sure what the lesson here is. Stay sexy and don't trust your dad. Good enough. Love, Emily.

• 24:16Georgia Hardstark?

  Oh, Emily, that was sweet.

• 24:18Karen Kilgariff?

  Isn't that so good?

• 24:19Georgia Hardstark?

  Yeah.

• 24:20Karen Kilgariff?

  I love that one.

• 24:20Georgia Hardstark?

  That's a good prank. And I want to be like, "Parents, don't prank your kid," but like, I'm not a parent, so I don't know how fucking stressful kids are all the time. And there's once in a while, you just gotta fucking prank those little shits.

• 24:30Karen Kilgariff?

  I think there's also the piece of it where it's like, real life is really hard and you will get the shit surprised out of you at times. You won't be expecting it and don't never be

• 24:40Georgia Hardstark?

  Right.

• 24:40Karen Kilgariff?

  ready.

• 24:41Georgia Hardstark?

  Right.

• 24:41Karen Kilgariff?

  Is that it?

• 24:42Georgia Hardstark?

  I don't know, but the forehead vein is hilarious.

• 24:45Karen Kilgariff?

  A seven-year-old, blood-curdling, guttural screaming.

• 24:49Georgia Hardstark?

  So good.

• 24:50Karen Kilgariff?

  Well, happy April Fool's Day.

• 24:52Georgia Hardstark?

  Thanks, guys, for writing in. Write in anything you want. Do you have a prank story you just thought of now? You don't have to wait till next April Fool's Day. You can send it in now at myfavormurder@gmail, because we accept any fucking story at this point.

• 25:02Karen Kilgariff?

  We want it all.

• 25:03Georgia Hardstark?

  Yeah.

• 25:03Karen Kilgariff?

  Stay sexy.

• 25:04Georgia Hardstark?

  And don't get murdered.

• 25:05Karen Kilgariff?

  Goodbye.

• 25:07Speaker 02

  Elvis, do you want a cookie?

• 25:16Karen Kilgariff?

  This has been an Exactly Right production.

• 25:18Georgia Hardstark?

  Our senior producers are Alejandra Keck and Molly Smith.

• 25:21Karen Kilgariff?

  Our editor is Aristotle Acevedo.

• 25:23Georgia Hardstark?

  This episode was mixed by Liana Scolacci.

• 25:25Karen Kilgariff?

  Email your hometowns to [email protected].

• 25:28Georgia Hardstark?

  And follow the show on Instagram at MyFavoriteMurder.

• 25:30Karen Kilgariff?

  Listen to My Favorite Murder on the iHeart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.

• 25:35Georgia Hardstark?

  And now you can watch us on Exactly Right's YouTube page. And while you're there, please like and subscribe.

• 25:40Karen Kilgariff?

  Goodbye.

• 25:47Karen Kilgariff?

  Vacation planning should feel like a breeze, not a deep dive into countless travel sites searching for the best deal.

• 25:52Georgia Hardstark?

  With CheapCaribbean's Budget Beach Finder, you can search every destination and every date all in one search.

• 25:58Karen Kilgariff?

  You'll save time and money with the Budget Beach Finder.

• 26:01Georgia Hardstark?

  Say goodbye to endless scrolling and tab hopping and hello to budget beach bliss at your fingertips.

• 26:06Karen Kilgariff?

  Go to cheapcaribbean.com to try out the Budget Beach Finder and see just how stress-free vacation planning should be.

• 26:12Georgia Hardstark?

  Goodbye.

• 26:14Speaker 02

  She's been thinking about this sleepover all week, but I think about her food allergies all the time. Fortunately, her doctor prescribed Zolair, omalizumab. It's proven to significantly reduce allergic reactions if a food allergy accident happens.

• 26:27Speaker 03

  Zolair 150mg is a prescription medication used to treat food allergy in people one year of age and older to reduce allergic reactions due to accidental exposure to one or more foods. While taking Zolair, you should continue to avoid all foods to which you are allergic. Don't use if you are allergic to Zolair. Zolair may cause a severe, life-threatening allergic reaction called anaphylaxis. Tell your doctor if you ever had anaphylaxis. Get help right away if you have trouble breathing or if you have swelling of your throat or tongue. Zolair should not be used for the emergency treatment of allergic reactions, including anaphylaxis. Zolair is for maintenance use to reduce allergic reactions, including anaphylaxis, while avoiding food allergens. Serious side effects such as cancer, fever, muscle aches and rash, parasitic infection, or heart and circulation problems have been reported. Please see zolair.com for full prescribing information. Ask an allergist about Zolair. This is an advertisement for Zolair,

• 27:12Speaker 03

  paid for by Genentech and Novartis.

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