Kelsey Cook

Kelsey Cook is a comedian, podcast host, and world champion foosball player—yes, really. She’s been seen on The Tonight Show, Comedy Central, and This Is Not Happening, and her debut special The Hustler is out now. Kelsey also co-hosts the hit podcast Self-Helpless, where comedy meets chaos and personal growth. Whether she’s slaying a crowd or an unsuspecting bar dude at foosball, Kelsey brings sharp wit, and serious spin. Check out her new special: KELSEY COOK - MARK YOUR TERRITORY - ON YOUTUBE! https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uYqWsDhWkkA #kelseycook #andrewsantino #whiskeyginger #podcast ============================================================= Sponsor Whiskey Ginger: https://public.liveread.io/media-kit/whiskeyginger SUPPORT OUR SPONSORS BOOKING. COM BOOK YOUR STAY TODAY! https://booking.com HIMS 100% ONLINE TREATMENT https://hims.com/whiskey PROPHETX USE PROMO CODE: WHSIKEY GET UP TO $300 IN PROPHET CASH https://getprophetx.co TONAL USE PROMO CODE: WHISKEY GET $200 OFF YOUR ORDER https://tonal.com HELIX SPECIAL OFFER: GET 27% OFF STATEWIDE! https://helixsleep.com/whiskey ======================================= Follow Andrew Santino: https://www.instagram.com/cheetosantino/ https://twitter.com/CheetoSantino Follow Whiskey Ginger: https://www.instagram.com/whiskeygingerpodcast https://twitter.com/whiskeygingerpodcast Produced and edited by Joe Faria https://www.instagram.com/itsjoefaria Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Speaker names marked ? are inferred from speaking time and the show’s known hosts — they are not voice-verified.

• 0:00Andrew Santino?

  Whiskey ginger fans, welcome back to the show. If it's your first time joining the show, welcome to the show. We got a good one for you today, like my man Steve Harvey done say. And ladies and germs, do your boy a favor. Uh, we might've already hit it by the time this is out, uh, but a half a million subs. Thank you so much for pushing us around. Pat yourself on the back for doing that. I do appreciate that, man. After all this time, we got a half a million subscribers on the channel now. I think, I hope by the time this comes out. Um, and it means a lot, man. I love you guys. I really appreciate you leaving a comment down below for the Algo rhythm, spreading around the whisk ginger word. And also I'm doing a couple of pop up dates. I might do a couple of more. Um, but I'm touring around the country and the world, uh, doing this other show, uh, for

• 0:41Andrew Santino?

  the live golf tour. I'll tell you all about that another time. But on May 22nd and 23rd, 22nd Edmonton, Alberta, Canada, 23rd of May, I'm doing two shows in Winnipeg, Manitoba. Go to andrewsantino.com, andrewsantino.com. Also, me and the Bob, me and Robert E. Lee are going to London and Dublin, London, Dublin. Uh, and it's July 18th and 19th, London and Dublin. Go to badfriendspod.com for that. Go to andrewsantino.com for my dates and go see me and the Bobo, uh, do some beans on toast.

• 1:11Speaker 01

  In here, we pour whiskey, whiskey, whiskey, whiskey, whiskey.

• 1:16Speaker 02

  You're that creature in the ginger beard.

• 1:19Speaker 03

  It's sturdy, ginger. Like vampires, the ginger gene is a curse. Gingers are beautiful.

• 1:24Speaker 02

  You owe me $5 for the whiskey, $75 for the horse. Gingers, oh hell no. The whiskey is excellent. Ginger. I like gingers.

• 1:35Andrew Santino?

  Ladies and gentlemen, welcome back to Whiskey Ginger. My guest today is one of my favorite people on earth. I say that for all my guests, but I mean, once again today, it is Kelsey Cook. Yay, thanks for having me. Thank you for coming by. I appreciate it. Love the shoes, by the way. The fans might not be able to see them, but they're Thank you. multi-colored. I would say this is kind of, um, You know, it's not neon, but it's got like, uh...

• 1:54Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 1:55Andrew Santino?

  It's got like the 80s funk pop vibe.

• 1:57Speaker 04

  Mm-hmm.

• 1:57Andrew Santino?

  They're green, blue, and a little bit of... Is that red? What do we call that?

• 2:01Speaker 04

  Yeah, I would say it's red. Can I tell you a life hack I figured out? These are actually kids' Nikes, and they were like $35.

• 2:07Andrew Santino?

  What?

• 2:08Speaker 04

  Because they go pretty big. I don't have like that small of feet, but the kid sizes go big and you can get them for like half the price.

• 2:15Andrew Santino?

  What size are your feet?

• 2:17Speaker 04

  Like a 7 in women's?

• 2:19Andrew Santino?

  That's a normal-sized woman's shoe.

• 2:21Speaker 04

  Yeah, and I'm telling you.

• 2:23Andrew Santino?

  I don't think I can do that. I'm a 12 and 1/2. I don't think it's gonna work out.

• 2:25Speaker 04

  Most men probably aren't gonna work out, but...

• 2:27Andrew Santino?

  Also, asking is even weirder to be like, "Do you guys have kid shoes for me?" They're like, "Sir, please leave."

• 2:32Speaker 04

  Childless, yeah.

• 2:33Andrew Santino?

  Yeah.

• 2:33Speaker 04

  Oh, is there a Chuck E. Cheese nearby, perhaps? You can just pop over.

• 2:36Andrew Santino?

  Where's like a Little League field that I could go hang out and see if there's any shoes there that I like? Well, they're fantastic. You are, um... For the audience, a phenomenal comedian that I met many years ago. You left us a little bit ago to be in love with another wonderfully talented comedian, Chad Daniels, and now you live happy and free outside of Los Angeles.

• 2:57Speaker 04

  It's true.

• 2:57Andrew Santino?

  Good for you, man.

• 2:58Speaker 04

  Thank you.

• 2:59Andrew Santino?

  You have a house, you own land.

• 3:01Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 3:01Andrew Santino?

  Life is good.

• 3:02Speaker 04

  I listened to the episode with Taylor.

• 3:04Andrew Santino?

  Oh, yeah.

• 3:05Speaker 04

  Because we were like, "Oh, they talked about you for a little bit." And, you know, Taylor's one of my best friends, and you guys were talking about like, huh, Kelsey got out.

• 3:11Andrew Santino?

  Kelsey got out.

• 3:11Speaker 04

  Kelsey got free to the Midwest, living a good life out there.

• 3:14Andrew Santino?

  It's like Shawshank Redemption. It's like, "Oh, my man, dude, he escaped." How did she get out? She crawled through four football fields of shit to get out, but you did it.

• 3:23Speaker 04

  I did it. It was worth it.

• 3:23Andrew Santino?

  I think the last time that... Well, I did talk to you, though. You did say you were... Maybe I'm wrong, but I feel like you did bring up the idea that you were gonna take off from L.A. because you were on the road anyway all the time.

• 3:33Speaker 04

  Yeah, well, I left L.A. at the end of 2020, because everything was shut down. Went back up to Spokane, where I'm from. Ended up staying there for two years, helping take care of my mom. And then, at that point, Chad and I were doing long distance. Touring out of Spokane is like such a fucking nightmare.

• 3:51Andrew Santino?

  It's a small airport.

• 3:52Speaker 04

  It's a tiny airport. You're up in the corner. It just... It was killing me. So, um, moved to Minnesota two years ago. And it is... It's so weird. You would never think that... That's like an ideal place to live as a comedian, but if you're on tour, that airport's incredible.

• 4:07Andrew Santino?

  Yeah.

• 4:08Speaker 04

  I'm like, I never thought I'd be horny for an airport. I fucking love that airport so much.

• 4:12Andrew Santino?

  You come every time you get there?

• 4:13Speaker 04

  Oh my god.

• 4:13Andrew Santino?

  This is hitting right, dude.

• 4:15Speaker 04

  Because as a comic, an airport is kind of your office. Like, you are there on a weekly basis. That airport, so clean, so nice, and like, all my flights are non-stop now. It's very easy time zone changes. It's just like, it really changed my life in the best way.

• 4:32Andrew Santino?

  It's good. Well, the winters are tough. But shout out Minnesota. I'm shooting my special there, so I'm, I was, it was, it was deliberate. I did a radio interview and the guy was like, "Why Minnesota?" And it's hard to articulate it, because it's always gonna come off like I'm being cheap, but it's like, oh, the crowds are incredible. It's just a great comedy. I don't know, something about Minneapolis has a great comedy vibe to it. The vibration is good. And I said, I don't know if I regretted it, but I was like, "Look, Minneapolis is, is a very like, it's a very blue city, and it has, and there's red spots all over Minnesota."

• 5:04Speaker 04

  Right.

• 5:05Andrew Santino?

  So I feel like you're gonna get like different political ideologies, you're gonna get different socioeconomic statuses coming through, so like, you're not getting one kind of person. And, and he was like, "Like where?" I was like, "Well, I'm not gonna, I'm not gonna shoot at another city." You know what I mean?

• 5:17Speaker 04

  Right, exactly.

• 5:18Andrew Santino?

  Like, you can't, as a comic, when they're always like, "Uh, what's your, you know, what's your favorite place, your least favorite place?" And it's always like, "Well, I don't know if I'm gonna go back."

• 5:24Speaker 04

  Exactly. We gotta leave it neutral for now, but then when we decide, we're like, fucking, "Burn Syracuse down, like, we don't need to go there again."

• 5:32Andrew Santino?

  Well, let's do it. I can do it right now. I'll burn one. He knows which one I'm gonna burn first, and that's gonna be, well, you, no, no, it might be triggered here.

• 5:37Speaker 04

  I'm excited, I wanna hear it.

• 5:38Andrew Santino?

  You know, you know a few of them, but Memphis, Memphis. Buddy, I will never be back. Hey, Memphis, I'll never be back. And also, Memphis didn't want us. They did not enjoy us. We did, it was, it was a weird experience. I feel bad for the fans, because I'm sure there's a lot of people that like, really wanted to be good, but Memphis isn't a comedy city, or, and it's not for maybe my crowd. How about that?

• 5:58Speaker 04

  Was it a Bad Friends show, or was it your show?

• 6:00Andrew Santino?

  I did a bad show, but I've also done one of my own shows there many, many moons ago.

• 6:05Speaker 04

  Okay.

• 6:05Andrew Santino?

  Before, I was really like a, a, a, you know, a slotted headliner. Like, I was kind of, it just, I didn't, I just didn't, it was tough.

• 6:12Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 6:13Andrew Santino?

  It was really tough, man. The crowd was terrible. I was almost like, "They don't want us to do comedy." It was bad. It was bad.

• 6:20Speaker 04

  Damn.

• 6:21Andrew Santino?

  Memphis, have you played?

• 6:22Speaker 04

  So, I haven't played. I went when Chad was on the Fully Loaded Tour two years ago. And I went just to like, watch and cheer him on. And it was an outdoor amphitheater. I mean, it was like, fine and great. I mean, those experiences are a whole other thing.

• 6:36Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, it's a different thing.

• 6:37Speaker 04

  But, yeah, I don't know. The town itself, I wasn't like, this is the greatest place I've ever been to, but it was...

• 6:43Andrew Santino?

  They didn't let us walk to go get food. We wanted to go get food. We were in Graceland. We were in Graceland.

• 6:47Speaker 04

  Oh, okay, okay.

• 6:48Andrew Santino?

  But we walked to go get, we were like, can we walk to go get food? And the promoter was like, uh, we'll get you guys a car. And I was like, no, I'd like to walk. Like, we've been on a bus, we were tired. I was like, I want to get my legs.

• 6:57Speaker 04

  Yeah, yeah.

• 6:58Andrew Santino?

  And he was like, mm, I don't think you should walk. I was like, it's that bad? He's like, just let us get you a car. I was like, good god.

• 7:04Speaker 04

  Damn.

• 7:04Andrew Santino?

  Yeah. So, I love you, Memphis! It was wild. I did not enjoy it. It like stuck, it's stuck in me now, forever.

• 7:12Speaker 04

  Forever.

• 7:13Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, it's something about it.

• 7:14Speaker 04

  Can I tell you why it's Syracuse for me? Have you done the Syracuse Funny Bone?

• 7:18Andrew Santino?

  I never have, no.

• 7:19Speaker 04

  Okay. So, I was there maybe, has it been two years? It's been a while now. And the show was about to start, and the manager came back to the green room and said, hey, you gotta stay in here because there's been a shooting in the mall.

• 7:31Andrew Santino?

  Hmm.

• 7:32Speaker 04

  It's a mall.

• 7:33Andrew Santino?

  It's a mall club, yeah.

• 7:35Speaker 04

  And they're like, uh, active shooter? He used the words "active shooter."

• 7:38Andrew Santino?

  Oh, so he's still doing it?

• 7:39Speaker 04

  When, when you hear those, you picture like trench coat, walking down the aisles.

• 7:45Andrew Santino?

  Totally.

• 7:46Speaker 04

  And so, I, like, I tear up, I'm terrified. We're like, well, what the fuck are we gonna do? The manager was like, do you, like, the mall is evacuated, but like, do you still want to do the show? I was like, no, man, like, I couldn't believe he put that on me to make that decision, like, okay, guys, uh, we gotta evacuate, just because your headliner doesn't want to perform anymore. Like, I'm like, this isn't, don't... The mall's evacuating. But I think he was like, maybe a, an ex-military guy, where very unfazed.

• 8:14Andrew Santino?

  Sure.

• 8:14Speaker 04

  Very like, unimpressed with the shooting, like, this is nothing.

• 8:17Andrew Santino?

  Not that big of a deal.

• 8:18Speaker 04

  I'm shitting my pants, absolutely terrified. And, uh, so we, we left, but we found out later it was like, a targeted gang thing. It was...

• 8:30Speaker 04

  I don't know that anybody actually was hit, but it was like two shots and they were out. But it turns out that mall has had, they have like shootings every three weeks. I'm like, why the?

• 8:38Andrew Santino?

  What, in Syracuse?

• 8:39Speaker 04

  Yeah, yeah.

• 8:40Andrew Santino?

  Oh my god.

• 8:41Speaker 04

  It's like a very-

• 8:41Andrew Santino?

  Is this, is this a common thing that I just don't know?

• 8:43Speaker 04

  Well, I didn't know either. I probably wouldn't have said yes to performing there if I had known that.

• 8:47Andrew Santino?

  Never going there again.

• 8:47Speaker 04

  That was one of those ones where it was like, you know what, I feel s- this is a good enough reason to be like, I don't need to go back there. That was pretty traumatizing.

• 8:54Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, you're good.

• 8:55Speaker 04

  Pretty terrifying.

• 8:55Andrew Santino?

  Crowds were probably okay, but no, other than that.

• 8:59Speaker 04

  This is, I wasn't drying very well then and my opener Tommy would bring his camera to, you know, shoot the sets. And I remember asking him like, hey, is there, is there room out there to put the camera up? And it was like, the room is half full. He's like, oh yeah.

• 9:11Andrew Santino?

  Oh yeah. He's like, you only have one? We could do six cameras out there. We could have a crane dude.

• 9:16Speaker 04

  We do a fifty camera shoot.

• 9:17Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, we could jib this thing to death dude. You want something on rollers, bro? We're good, man. Who's your, who's Tommy? Do I know him? Do I know who he is?

• 9:24Speaker 04

  Uh, Tommy Brennan?

• 9:25Andrew Santino?

  Tommy Brennan. Oh yeah, I know.

• 9:26Speaker 04

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 9:26Andrew Santino?

  I met him in New York.

• 9:27Speaker 04

  Yeah, he just started opening for Nikki.

• 9:29Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, I met him out in, I met him in New York. He, he knows Laura Peak really well and she opens for me on the road, yeah.

• 9:36Speaker 04

  Laura's so great too.

• 9:36Andrew Santino?

  Laura and Zach Townsend, they split time. It is so funny when, you know, what's interesting is like, people will come to shows now too and they'll, they'll ask, they'll be like, who's gonna, who, who is opening? Because if they've seen, if they know that you're with them, it is kind of a cool thing for me to watch. Like them kind of get more of like, they're like, oh, I like that. I think I saw her with, and I want to see her on this show. I was like, this is a, it's getting back to the place where comedy community, I think is getting stronger again. Cause it goes through waves of very singularity. Like everyone wants to be like, it's my show, it's about me. And now I feel like everyone's trying to help more people kind of, I, I feel like it. Which is where it should be in the first place.

• 10:14Speaker 04

  It's the nicest. I mean, you, I get when certain headliners are like, no, I just want to use the local people in each city, which is its own nice thing. It's a cool thing. But I, I toured with Jim Norton for three years. He changed my life completely. Like to get to give that opportunity back to somebody else is like the greatest feeling.

• 10:32Andrew Santino?

  That's what you're supposed to do.

• 10:33Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 10:33Andrew Santino?

  It feels like the thing that like I can hear my dad being like, that's what you have to do.

• 10:37Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 10:37Andrew Santino?

  Like go say hi to her. And you're like, I don't want to go say hi to her. Like, you know, like some aunt and he's like, do it.

• 10:43Speaker 04

  Hug her!

• 10:43Andrew Santino?

  Do it, she sends you money every year for your birthday. You're like, "Hi Aunt Suzie."

• 10:49Speaker 04

  She smells weird.

• 10:50Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, she's stink, why does she smell every time? Stop, she has cancer, will you stop saying that?

• 10:56Speaker 04

  Something horribly dark.

• 10:57Andrew Santino?

  That's what it, but that's what it's like. But no, you're bringing up for the next generation is good, and also touring with Jim has gotta be super fun.

• 11:04Speaker 04

  Oh my god.

• 11:04Andrew Santino?

  I mean, he's a lunatic, he's the best.

• 11:06Speaker 04

  It was a wild time, it was, I think a lot of it, a lot of the stories I got from it were from Club Soda Kenny.

• 11:12Andrew Santino?

  Oh yeah, we just talked about Club Soda Kenny, this guy's getting so much he's everywhere, man.

• 11:17Speaker 04

  Yeah, he used to, uh, he would do like the god make offstage to bring me up, but he would always go, "Ladies and gentlemen, Jim Norton," and people go, "Ah!" And then he'd go, "But first..."

• 11:31Speaker 04

  And you could just hear the whole crowd like, "Oh god," and then I'd walk out, and then they'd just expect to be like, "Looks like a good time to take a dump," and they'd just like, file out for 20 minutes.

• 11:43Andrew Santino?

  That's so mean to intro like that, I, I think that's so mean to do that. You have to give someone the prop up a little bit, like, you know, get them a little bit amped up, I try to sell it as much as I can, because it's also weird that they like hear you, or they, they think you're gonna come out, and you bring out someone else, and it's almost like, well, I don't wanna hear them go, "Ah." I don't wanna hear them groan because I'm not out there, that's so mean. I try to hype it up a little bit, Club Soda Kenny, man, you're, you're an evil, evil man. "But first..."

• 12:12Speaker 04

  Oh, he used to, you know those like really, they're so trashy, the Victoria's Secret like tote bags that women have? And they're like, they're free with purchase, whatever. That was like my exclusive, like my day-to-day purse, it was such a trash move, but whatever.

• 12:26Andrew Santino?

  That's hot dude, yeah, hell yeah.

• 12:28Speaker 04

  So it was like my travel bag with me, and I would be, you know, we'd have to get to the airport fucking 5:30 in the morning, I'd look like absolute garbage, just a dumpster fire, no makeup, greasy hair, but I'd have that bag with me, and we'd be walking down, just like the quiet terminal, and he would shout at like 6:00 in the morning, "Victoria's Secret model coming through."

• 12:48Andrew Santino?

  No dude.

• 12:49Speaker 04

  And everybody would... Stop and try to find where I was.

• 12:54Andrew Santino?

  Yeah.

• 12:54Speaker 04

  And then they would stare at me for just long enough to be like, no, she's not.

• 13:00Speaker 04

  It was like a brutal way to start the day. Your just your self-esteem immediately in the toilet for people to like, just gauge you long enough to be like.

• 13:09Andrew Santino?

  Right.

• 13:09Speaker 04

  Mm, no.

• 13:10Andrew Santino?

  No, she's not. I don't think she, there's no way, right?

• 13:12Speaker 04

  There's no way.

• 13:12Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, but it is nice to have the conversation. It's funny that somebody goes, I don't know, have I seen her in something?

• 13:16Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 13:17Andrew Santino?

  It's also when, I told, I told him, like, when people recognize me and stuff, like, it's always fun, but sometimes, like, you know, like, they'll catch you off guard at the airport, because you're, like, out of it. You're tired, you're sleepy.

• 13:27Speaker 04

  Yeah, yeah.

• 13:28Andrew Santino?

  And I was sitting on a flight, and this black dude was, like, waiting, he was, like, standing in the, in the, you know, it was backed up, the line.

• 13:35Speaker 04

  Mm-hmm.

• 13:35Andrew Santino?

  And I'm sitting down, and I'm kind of on my phone, and it's early, and he goes, yo, you that dude from that shit? And I looked up, and I was like, oh, hey, man, what's up? Like, I'm trying to keep it, you know, like,

• 13:44Speaker 04

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 13:45Andrew Santino?

  Trying to be a little bit quiet. It's the morning. He's like, oh, yeah, yo, yo, oh, yeah, you, yeah, oh, yeah, oh, yeah, bro. And then he turns around into the jet bridge, like, back into the jet bridge to his buddy, he goes, No. Hey, is that motherfucker from that shit that we saw on that, um, and he's trying to explain to her. And I see the guy poke his head, he goes, that's that dude from that shit, what up, man? I'm like, holy shit, it's the most unc- you're like, I'm folding inside myself. Because you know everyone else is sitting around like, who the fuck is this guy?

• 14:08Speaker 04

  Exactly.

• 14:09Andrew Santino?

  Who is this idiot that they know, this redheaded guy? And then they keep going like, and then you'll see someone go, sorry, I don't know who you are, who are these guys? And then you have to go, I'm nobody, man, this is very weird for me.

• 14:18Speaker 04

  Isn't that weird, and you have to explain?

• 14:19Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, I'm a nobody, please don't, uh,

• 14:21Speaker 04

  God.

• 14:22Andrew Santino?

  I have no other thing to say. I'm so sorry, I don't know who, I've never seen you, but you're like, it's fine. Let's just be quiet about it, let's just, let's just go, let's go to Syracuse, okay?

• 14:31Speaker 04

  Nobody, look at me.

• 14:33Andrew Santino?

  I have a job tonight to do. Let's go to Syracuse.

• 14:36Speaker 04

  Oh, my god. Please name your next door that guy from that shit.

• 14:40Andrew Santino?

  That guy from, you that guy from that shit?

• 14:41Speaker 04

  That guy from that shit.

• 14:42Andrew Santino?

  By the way, it actually is kind of, that's, that's pretty accurate. That guy from that shit, you, eh, you from, you that dude from that shit? And the way he said it was so like, I knew he didn't know, and he was never gonna get it, so I didn't even try.

• 14:54Speaker 04

  Yeah, yeah.

• 14:54Andrew Santino?

  You know when someone's like, how do I, how do, I've seen you, um, have I seen you on it? And then you can't go, well, and then name your resume. So I have to go, oh, yeah, I don't know, man, I had something, yeah, that's, yeah, I guess you, you've seen it. And I didn't want him to search for it, because I knew he was gonna stand there for an hour and be like, Yeah, come on, man. How do I know you-

• 15:11Speaker 04

  Oh, brutal, yeah.

• 15:12Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, you on that shit. You're on that shit, right? You're on that shit? I'm on the shit? I'm one of the guys on the shit?

• 15:17Speaker 04

  I am on the shit.

• 15:18Andrew Santino?

  You are right, though. That is our office. I think it's, it's, it's, um, we sit, we sit for more hours inside of an airport, or transporting to and from airports than anybody could ever imagine.

• 15:28Speaker 04

  No, it's horrifying.

• 15:30Andrew Santino?

  You have over a million on any, on, on anybody?

• 15:31Speaker 04

  I'm, I think half a million on Delta. I do Delta now.

• 15:35Andrew Santino?

  I got half a million on Delta.

• 15:36Speaker 04

  Do you? Okay.

• 15:37Andrew Santino?

  And I have a million, 1.2 and a half on American.

• 15:40Speaker 04

  Oh, my god.

• 15:41Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, it's disgusting.

• 15:42Speaker 04

  That's been so crazy. For some of you, they're like, whoa, and for us, we're like, that's gross.

• 15:46Andrew Santino?

  It's sad. It actually makes me a little bit sad. It's just like a reminder of how little you actually are where you're supposed to be.

• 15:52Speaker 04

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 15:52Andrew Santino?

  Like, we live here, and it's like, well, I'm not here. I even said that one time. I went home. I was like, is this my house? Do I live here? Like, I don't even feel like I fucking live here anymore.

• 16:00Speaker 04

  It's such a weird thing. Like, Chad and I have our dream house now.

• 16:03Andrew Santino?

  Yeah.

• 16:04Speaker 04

  And we don't get to be in it, because we have to leave to pay for it.

• 16:06Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, you gotta leave to pay for the house.

• 16:08Speaker 04

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 16:09Andrew Santino?

  You guys, you guys, now, you never toured together, have you?

• 16:11Speaker 04

  We're about to in April for three dates.

• 16:13Andrew Santino?

  Whoa.

• 16:14Speaker 04

  We're gonna do, um, a theater in Long Island, a theater in Jersey, and then a casino in Philly.

• 16:18Andrew Santino?

  Hell, yeah.

• 16:19Speaker 04

  So I'm very excited for that. We did a show together once in Minneapolis a while ago, where we went onstage together after telling, like, we went onstage by ourselves, told jokes about each other, and then we went back onstage together, and like, each person had to have their chance to give their side of the joke and like defend-

• 16:36Andrew Santino?

  Very good.

• 16:37Speaker 04

  Defend their point, and so we're gonna do that a little bit.

• 16:39Andrew Santino?

  A little point, counterpoint there.

• 16:40Speaker 04

  Mm-hmm, mm-hmm.

• 16:40Andrew Santino?

  How dark does it get? Do you take real shots?

• 16:43Speaker 04

  No, no, no. We, that's, that's for the Patreon.

• 16:47Andrew Santino?

  All right, dude. Apparently Patreon's OnlyFans now, I guess. This is a whole new world.

• 16:52Speaker 04

  Patreon's where we do our couples therapy.

• 16:53Andrew Santino?

  That's where you really get it out.

• 16:54Speaker 04

  Paid couples therapy, yeah.

• 16:55Andrew Santino?

  That's fantastic. Make the fans pay for your, uh, pay for your pain.

• 16:59Speaker 04

  Yeah, yeah.

• 16:59Andrew Santino?

  They're getting it the other way. Might as well let them in the room while you're getting through their bullshit.

• 17:03Speaker 04

  People seem to like it.

• 17:04Andrew Santino?

  Are you guys, you're not married. Are you married? You're not married?

• 17:06Speaker 04

  We're not, but it's so funny. We own a house together. We just got life insurance together.

• 17:10Andrew Santino?

  Oh, you're married?

• 17:10Speaker 04

  We're married.

• 17:11Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, you are. If you have property together, dude, and you have life insurance, so if he dies, you get it, you die, he gets it?

• 17:16Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 17:16Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, you're married.

• 17:17Speaker 04

  We're married.

• 17:17Andrew Santino?

  It's the same shit.

• 17:18Speaker 04

  He's, I know he's planning on proposing at some point. I don't know when or how, but we've done, it's just been in a weird order. We've done all the, like, deeply unromantic shit first, but I kinda, it makes me feel- Like mature makes me feel like I'm getting married for good reasons where I'm like it's not like I don't care about the dress and all that shit anymore. I'm like, I love that we have fucking life insurance. This feels like adult shit. Yeah, I don't know. I like it.

• 17:43Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, in case something happens.

• 17:44Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 17:45Andrew Santino?

  In case and then, you know.

• 17:47Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 17:47Andrew Santino?

  Then you get all that money, you can live in that house. And you don't have to travel as much.

• 17:51Speaker 04

  It is a weird view. I've never had life insurance with somebody. It is weird when you sign that and you kind of look at each other like, don't you fucking do anything weird?

• 17:58Andrew Santino?

  It's the grossest thing.

• 17:59Speaker 04

  I hope I know you enough that you won't.

• 18:01Andrew Santino?

  We had the phone call about it. It's like.

• 18:03Speaker 04

  It's so dark.

• 18:04Andrew Santino?

  And when you're dead, who gets um this?

• 18:06Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 18:07Andrew Santino?

  And you're like, I guess if we both are dead, my sister and then maybe my parents and like, your parents will probably be dead. So who's next? And you're like, oh my god dude, okay.

• 18:16Speaker 04

  Isn't it horrifying?

• 18:17Andrew Santino?

  And it is gross if like go down the list of who probably is dead. And who would you like leave whatever to like, you know, who gets all this stuff that you've acquired all the bullshit that you've acquired? It's very uh dismal. We went out and had a drink afterwards. I was like, let's go get food and a drink. Cause it was uncomfortable.

• 18:35Speaker 04

  Let's go Cheesecake Factory.

• 18:36Andrew Santino?

  Let's go to the, let's go to the factory.

• 18:38Speaker 04

  Let's go to the factory.

• 18:39Andrew Santino?

  What's the, what's, what's date night for, what's date night for two comedians that go out together? Where are you, where are you two going for date night?

• 18:46Speaker 04

  We, I feel like we do a lot of things around sports. He has wild season tickets. And he splits up with some friends. So I feel like I had never gone to hockey games before dating him and it's Minnesota is like the hockey state. It's so fun.

• 19:00Andrew Santino?

  Yeah.

• 19:00Speaker 04

  I love it. So we go to like a decent amount of hockey games or we'll just go to like dinner and.

• 19:05Andrew Santino?

  Local spots.

• 19:06Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 19:06Andrew Santino?

  Do you guys go to Minnesota, University of Minnesota games? Cause that's hot. They, that's like big hockey. That's like huge.

• 19:11Speaker 04

  We haven't, but I think he's been wanting to.

• 19:13Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, but a wild fan, huh? Is he from Minnesota? Is that how this all happened?

• 19:17Speaker 04

  He's from Fergus Falls. So it's like up, it's by Fargo. It's like way, way up there, small town. But yeah, it just, it made more sense for me to move there than for him to move to Spokane and us both be touring out of Spokane.

• 19:29Andrew Santino?

  Spokane's tough, yeah. You're in the top corner of the world.

• 19:31Speaker 04

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 19:32Andrew Santino?

  You also don't look like you're from Spokane. Take that as a compliment.

• 19:35Speaker 04

  Oh, dude, thank you so much. I could cry. That's it for me. That's all I can... I'm out of here.

• 19:40Andrew Santino?

  Eastern Washington is just a different place. It's its own little world, huh?

• 19:44Speaker 04

  Spokane was the meth capital of America for a really long time.

• 19:47Andrew Santino?

  And you never got hit. You never once got hit.

• 19:50Speaker 04

  And I'm in the foosball community. I mean, that's like a real crazy statistic that Spokane and foosball, no meth.

• 19:56Andrew Santino?

  Aren't you ranked? Weren't you ranked at one point?

• 19:58Speaker 04

  Yeah, I mean, like...

• 20:00Andrew Santino?

  Don't be humble. That's annoying. Just do it. Just do the thing.

• 20:03Speaker 04

  Well, they're different. I mean, you can be like a master, you can be a pro, you can be a semi-pro. I never went to enough tournaments to like move up to that level.

• 20:12Andrew Santino?

  Right.

• 20:12Speaker 04

  So, I don't know where my ranking is now. It's not great. People devote their time to foosball the way I do to stand-up, and so if I go to a tournament now, I can do fine, but like you play people who it is their life.

• 20:24Andrew Santino?

  Right.

• 20:24Speaker 04

  And it's, they're unbelievable. I can like, I'll beat the average person almost always because I have such an unfair advantage.

• 20:32Andrew Santino?

  Right.

• 20:32Speaker 04

  It's like, the reason I exist is foosball.

• 20:34Andrew Santino?

  Can Chad play?

• 20:35Speaker 04

  Yeah, he can play. He's good.

• 20:37Andrew Santino?

  You cook him.

• 20:38Speaker 04

  I don't cook... He's getting better. He cooks me at everything else. It's the only thing I can...

• 20:42Andrew Santino?

  You beat the shit out of him.

• 20:43Speaker 04

  It's the only thing I can beat him at.

• 20:44Andrew Santino?

  That's kinda hot, though. That draws some like real sexual tension of like you just beating the shit out of him in foosball, just toying with him. Like, no big deal. Are you gonna cook dinner? Or... Yeah, that's so great to me. That's really fun. I do like... That is, that's great to have that thing over him. What do you mean he beat you in everything else?

• 20:59Speaker 04

  Like physically. No, I'm kidding.

• 21:01Andrew Santino?

  Oh, good. That's on the Patreon. Guys, sign up for the Patreon.

• 21:04Speaker 04

  Oh, I'm kidding. Like, like ping pong, darts, uh...

• 21:08Andrew Santino?

  Oh, he's bar game god.

• 21:10Speaker 04

  Bar game god.

• 21:11Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, he can do it all.

• 21:12Speaker 04

  Like if we shoot hoops. I feel like I'm, I usually beat people at like pig, horse. He beats me.

• 21:17Andrew Santino?

  You got a good stroke. I've seen you on the court. You got a good, you got a little wrist flick there. That's all from Fuzen.

• 21:22Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 21:22Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, you got the touch from Fuzen.

• 21:24Speaker 01

  In here, we pour whiskey.

• 21:27Andrew Santino?

  This episode of Whiskey Ginger is brought to you by Booking.com, the official accommodation partner of MLB. Booking.com. Booking dot, yeah. You know what's going on right now. It's the springtime. Can you feel it in the air? I feel it. You're gonna get out and about, you're gonna get out from under that rock. Brush off the dust, the cheeto dust off your chest and get off of that couch and start traveling. Whenever I'm running around, always clutch to check out booking.com. You know them. They got the best deals in the world. Alright? Spring means baseball is back. Ladies and germs, and booking.com is official accommodation partner of MLB. You know that. You love it. You've seen booking.com all over the place. You know? And booking.com is gonna help you find the best places to stay while you are

• 22:12Andrew Santino?

  touring around. Whether you're following a team, you got your favorite team? You following your team all over the place? Well, I'll tell you what. Follow your favorite team and use booking.com to get around with the team. Take me out to the fun time. Take me out to a show. I'd like to see baseball or just some friends. Where we'll sleep, I don't know. So what can we do right now?

• 22:52Andrew Santino?

  Open up booking.com and just click, click, click it right there and go to booking.com. How good was that? I mean genuinely, how good was that? Are you guys impressed? Uh, booking.com wants to help you make a fan of any US city with a chance to win $1,000 in booking.com travel credit. Head to the booking.com Instagram page, @booking.com, and check out the sweepstakes post for more details. The right day can make you a fan of any US city booked today on the booking.com site or app. Booking.com, booking.yeah. Looking for a little boost in the bedroom? That's where Hims come in. Hims is here to help with personalized ED treatment options, and it's all done online. Okay? When your

• 23:33Andrew Santino?

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• 24:16Andrew Santino?

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• 25:03Andrew Santino?

  I love bar game is like dude, I'm, I will admit, I got some skill. Darts, bowling, love bowling.

• 25:09Speaker 04

  Oh yeah, kills me at bowling, kills me at tennis. We, I like, we both really love sports. That's like our, I feel like the thing we do the most when we're out of the house, but the foosball is like my one thing.

• 25:19Andrew Santino?

  Foosball is the thing. Yeah, yeah, dude, I went, we had a foosball table when I was a kid and everybody just cheated.

• 25:25Speaker 04

  Oh, spinning.

• 25:26Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, just a lot of spinning and fucking up. And then someone drunk would like lean up the table just to fuck it, ruin it. Yeah. It's so funny, foosball is such a, it's a, it's a sport, it's a, it's a, it's a game? Sport game? Game, game.

• 25:39Speaker 04

  It's a sport.

• 25:40Andrew Santino?

  It's a sport, alright, there it is. Yeah, no, but it's, it's a sport, right?

• 25:44Speaker 03

  All sports play games.

• 25:45Andrew Santino?

  All sports play games, but not all games play sport, not all games are sports.

• 25:48Speaker 03

  Exactly.

• 25:49Speaker 04

  It was on ESPN though, Joe, come on now.

• 25:51Andrew Santino?

  Was it on the eight?

• 25:52Speaker 04

  It was on the eight!

• 25:54Andrew Santino?

  That's pretty impressive. Yeah, but so is, uh, uh, so is bags, and bags is a hundred percent not a sport. Bags is a game. And I love bags.

• 26:03Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 26:04Andrew Santino?

  And also, we call it bags, not cornhole. I don't like cornhole. Cornhole bothers the shit out of me.

• 26:08Speaker 04

  I say cornhole.

• 26:09Andrew Santino?

  Why is that?

• 26:09Speaker 04

  And Chad's like, "Why the f- what are you talking about?"

• 26:11Andrew Santino?

  That's bags, baby.

• 26:12Speaker 04

  I know. I don't know.

• 26:13Andrew Santino?

  That's bags all day.

• 26:14Speaker 04

  It's, uh...

• 26:15Andrew Santino?

  Go outside, go get the bags shut up for us! It just sounds nice. Bags. Well, okay, how about this?

• 26:20Speaker 04

  Cornhole sounds sexual for no reason. It's like, why are we bringing, this doesn't need to happen.

• 26:24Speaker 03

  This is a family function.

• 26:25Andrew Santino?

  Close up my cornhole, please.

• 26:26Speaker 04

  There's fucking Kool-Aid out here, what are we doing?

• 26:28Andrew Santino?

  What, so, okay, what do you call it, soda or pop?

• 26:31Speaker 04

  Hmm, what do I call it? I guess both? Is that weird they call it both?

• 26:36Andrew Santino?

  No, it's not. I mean, I exclusively call it pop.

• 26:38Speaker 04

  Okay, yeah, yeah.

• 26:39Andrew Santino?

  It's Chicago has always said pop. I, soda to me is soda water. If you said soda, I would think you want soda water.

• 26:45Speaker 03

  Do they call it soda up in the Pacific Northwest?

• 26:48Speaker 04

  Well, that's what I'm trying to think. I, I think we say both. You know what I do say that Chad finally like got out of me was, I used to say else. I would put a T in the word else.

• 26:58Andrew Santino?

  Oh, what else?

• 26:59Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 26:59Andrew Santino?

  Ah, yeah.

• 27:00Speaker 04

  Something else. And he's like, "That, why are you saying that? There's not a T anywhere near that word, not even close to it." And so then I would catch myself, and now I don't anymore, but now I notice, you'll hear it all the time now. So many people say else.

• 27:12Andrew Santino?

  When you said it, I kinda was like, right, I've heard people like, "Yeah, well, what else? What else is there?"

• 27:16Speaker 04

  Isn't that weird?

• 27:17Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, that is funny.

• 27:18Speaker 04

  Not a T.

• 27:18Andrew Santino?

  Well, that's like, here's one of my huge pet peeves in language, massive. I hate when people say, well, me personally, it drives me fucking up a wall. You, you said it twice. You're saying me, me. You, when they go, "Me personally." Well, personally is you, dude. You don't have to go, "Well, me personally, I just feel it's like..." Do you know, don't do that! Don't say me, me twice! So Mimi feels that, I, I don't know what it is, I'm not a grammar Nazi, but when I hear people say it, it always bugged me. When, even when I was young, you'd hear someone say it, and you're like, "Why would you say me personally? That doesn't even, what are you saying? You're saying it again."

• 27:50Speaker 04

  I'm in here all the time now.

• 27:51Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, me personally, people do say that a lot in an argument. You'll hear like a politician be like, "Well, me personally, I just don't feel that way." And it drives me nuts. It literally kills me. I can't do it. But I'm not, I'm not gonna correct people on the, I'm not gonna do that. That one... That I don't like when someone's like, "Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa," in public. I let it go, but I stew and then I think about it when I'm at home.

• 28:10Speaker 04

  And you picture him dead.

• 28:11Andrew Santino?

  I picture him dead, dude.

• 28:12Speaker 04

  Picture him dead or than dead.

• 28:13Andrew Santino?

  Picture him in that mall, baby.

• 28:14Speaker 04

  Syracuse mall.

• 28:15Andrew Santino?

  In that mall, dude.

• 28:17Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 28:18Andrew Santino?

  Now, so, sports are the big thing, but do you have any sports that you guys, like, do you have any competitive teams where you're like, can't root together, or you root on everything together?

• 28:25Speaker 04

  Um, well, me personally, I'm a Seahawks fan.

• 28:28Andrew Santino?

  Yes!

• 28:29Speaker 04

  I was waiting for it.

• 28:29Andrew Santino?

  Love it.

• 28:31Speaker 04

  So, being from Washington, grew up watching Seahawks, but I was never like, huge football person. He is a diehard Vikings fan, and so when I moved over, then we're watching Vikings all the time, and now, we did go to a Seahawks-Vikings game, and I did cheer for the Vikings, which felt kind of...

• 28:47Andrew Santino?

  That hurts. That's a little, that's a little unnecessary.

• 28:49Speaker 04

  We were such a good team this year.

• 28:51Andrew Santino?

  I know, but what do your parents feel about it? That's enough out of you, okay? Turn your mic off, this guy, Minnesota kid.

• 28:56Speaker 04

  You go sit in the corner.

• 28:57Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, he is in the fucking corner. We put the baby over there for a reason. No, but that, that, I get it. We've talked about this before on the show, that like, I get criticized if I root for, I've been living in LA for almost 20 years. Yeah, man, I'm gonna root for local teams sometimes. It's fun. I live here. Like, what else am I supposed to fucking do?

• 29:14Speaker 04

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 29:15Andrew Santino?

  You want me to not go to these games and not, I wanna go enjoy it.

• 29:18Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 29:18Andrew Santino?

  And it's hard to not get sucked in. So, I get it, you becoming, I get it.

• 29:22Speaker 04

  Thank you.

• 29:23Andrew Santino?

  It's also not a direct, Seahawks and Vikings don't have a weird history. It's not like they've got some tumultuous past.

• 29:29Speaker 04

  Nobody cared. It's fine.

• 29:31Andrew Santino?

  Yeah.

• 29:31Speaker 04

  Can I ask, are you a sports superstition person?

• 29:35Andrew Santino?

  I could be, I guess. I mean, it depends on like, what specifically, like...

• 29:38Speaker 04

  Okay. So Chad and I just had a big, like, thing in our house.

• 29:41Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, good, let me hear it.

• 29:42Speaker 04

  Uh, this was a few months ago. The Vikings were playing the Bears, actually.

• 29:47Andrew Santino?

  Yeah.

• 29:48Speaker 04

  Chad bets on all the games. He needed the Vikings to win by more than four.

• 29:53Andrew Santino?

  Mm-hmm.

• 29:54Speaker 04

  And there was a minute and a half left, and the Vikings were up by 11. So, again, I'm still learning a lot about football. I didn't know that a minute and a half is still like, a lot of game left.

• 30:04Andrew Santino?

  There's a lot of game. Oh, good enough amount of game, yeah.

• 30:06Speaker 04

  But I just saw the score, and I knew what his bet was, and so I was like, "Hey, congrats."

• 30:11Andrew Santino?

  Oh, no. No, no, no, I already know.

• 30:14Speaker 04

  I just saw your.

• 30:15Andrew Santino?

  I'm on his side.

• 30:15Speaker 04

  I saw your asshole go.

• 30:17Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, that's crazy. You saw my cornhole pucker up. I closed up. Dude, that's a no-no.

• 30:22Speaker 04

  I know.

• 30:23Andrew Santino?

  Guys, what are you doing?

• 30:25Speaker 04

  I was just, I had just like pure love in my heart. I was just excited for it. I was like, congrats. And he goes, what are you doing?

• 30:31Andrew Santino?

  What are you doing? Yeah.

• 30:32Speaker 04

  Why would you say that? I was like, look, up by 11, minute and a half. This looks good.

• 30:35Andrew Santino?

  And you said it out loud.

• 30:37Speaker 04

  I said it, and so, okay, in a minute and a half, the Bears scored 11 points.

• 30:42Andrew Santino?

  Yep.

• 30:43Speaker 04

  They tied it. It went into overtime. The Vikings still won, but not by more than four points. And Chad was like, I can't believe you lost me my fucking bet. And I was like, are you serious? Like, you actually think that me saying that, just sitting on our couch, lost you the bet? He's like, well, we'll never know. I was like, this is insanity.

• 31:00Andrew Santino?

  That's a good fight, and I gotta tell you, you're wrong here. Yeah. He is so right. You did fuck that up. You cost them that game.

• 31:06Speaker 04

  Shut up. There's no way.

• 31:08Andrew Santino?

  You can't say anything. You gotta let it sit. Just let it be until game is done. It's not over till it's over. Although,

• 31:13Speaker 04

  Yeah, yeah.

• 31:14Andrew Santino?

  The Eagles really proved that that theory is not true because they celebrated a 2 minutes and 45, 54 seconds. They already did the Gatorade dump. They knew they were beating the Chiefs. I mean, they whipped their ass, dumped Gatorade, almost three minutes left because they knew they were beating the.

• 31:27Speaker 04

  Crazy.

• 31:28Andrew Santino?

  I mean, it's probably one of the worst Super Bowls I've seen. And that's, not taking a shot at the Chiefs, it was just a bummer because I thought it'd be more competitive game, but not to get too deep into it, but it was just, it was just, you know.

• 31:38Speaker 04

  Well, after mine and Chad's, you know, argument about that, I was watching the Super Bowl and saw the Gatorade thing and I was like, so, okay. Like, actually, there's no way they can come back. He's like, yeah, yeah. I'm like, okay, well, I'm like, I have like PTSD. I'm like, I don't know.

• 31:52Andrew Santino?

  Shaking in the corner. Get back in the kitchen, bro. You'll not comment about scores again, you see? Yeah, it is, no, I get, but I do have weird, I guess it is, for me, if I have bet on, if I'm, if I have a bet on, yeah, I don't want to talk to anybody. That's why I like.

• 32:06Speaker 04

  Yeah, yeah.

• 32:06Andrew Santino?

  We go sometimes to, there's a Bears bar here that we go see, but I got so frustrated watching with other people that now I'm like, I would rather be at home.

• 32:14Speaker 04

  Are you a screamer when you watch?

• 32:16Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, I probably, yeah, I cuss, yeah. I'm like my dad.

• 32:19Speaker 04

  You're a ginger.

• 32:19Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, we yell. Yeah, we're fiery. We're angry. Well, it's also, I don't want to hear some other idiots comment. Because when you go to a bar and you hear some other dickhead say something, then you're like, shut up. Even if he's on your side, you know what I mean? It's, he'll say something, you're like...

• 32:33Speaker 04

  That's almost worse.

• 32:34Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, you're wrong. Shut up. You're on my team. Shut up. I don't like what you're saying. So I'm not a fan of watching with big groups in public. I'd rather have a couple of people over at the house if we're gonna watch a game. But, look, Chicago sports haven't had any sort of championship runs anytime in the recent history. So we haven't had like a moment of like, don't jinx it. We don't, you know what I mean?

• 32:54Speaker 04

  You're like, there's nothing to jinx.

• 32:54Andrew Santino?

  No, we're jinxing ourselves every season and every fucking sport we have.

• 32:58Speaker 03

  The Cubs?

• 32:59Andrew Santino?

  Cubs, Cubs 2016.

• 33:00Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 33:01Andrew Santino?

  2016 was almost a decade ago, dude. It's a long time.

• 33:04Speaker 03

  I mean, Minnesota hasn't really had anything in a long time.

• 33:06Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, but Minnesota, but Vikings did make a big run this year, and that was also great to watch. Even as, even as a competitive Bears fan who, I don't really dislike Minnesota the way I don't like the Lions or the Packers, just because I grew up like that. But still, I was happy for him because I was like, oh, this could be great to watch them, and I like so many guys on that team. But yeah, I do think unfortunately, I'm gonna go with Chad. I'm gonna side with him on this one. He's right. He really is. You gotta be quiet. You can't do it. If there's no money on the game, I think this is a different argument.

• 33:36Speaker 04

  Well, it's probably just better if he doesn't tell me what his bets are anymore.

• 33:40Andrew Santino?

  Correct. That's what I'm saying.

• 33:41Speaker 04

  Because then there's nothing for me to even jinx, and I just won't say anything.

• 33:43Andrew Santino?

  Does he have lucky clothes? Does he wear lucky stuff? Oh, he does that?

• 33:46Speaker 04

  Not like craziness, not like not...

• 33:48Andrew Santino?

  Certain place on the couch?

• 33:50Speaker 04

  I think occasionally. I think occasionally there's been...

• 33:52Andrew Santino?

  Wow.

• 33:53Speaker 04

  I can't, he's like, probably like, what the fuck are you talking about? Maybe not, but I feel like there's been times where he's...

• 33:59Andrew Santino?

  What about like a meal? When he watches, does he have to eat a certain thing or drink a certain thing or whatever?

• 34:03Speaker 04

  There was a specific pizza streak for a while. But maybe he just wants pizza. I don't know. He should come on and defend himself.

• 34:09Andrew Santino?

  Right.

• 34:09Speaker 04

  But for sure, like, the out loud jinxing sort of thing is like, uh-uh.

• 34:14Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, it's a big no-no.

• 34:15Speaker 04

  Can't do it.

• 34:15Andrew Santino?

  And you should know better. You really do. You're so smart. You're such a smart human being. You know that is, that is like right before you go on stage.

• 34:23Speaker 04

  Oh, yeah.

• 34:23Andrew Santino?

  Someone making some dumb comment.

• 34:25Speaker 04

  Some, yeah, yeah.

• 34:25Andrew Santino?

  And then sits with you. You're like, why would you, why would you say that? I don't want to hear that.

• 34:28Speaker 04

  Why would you do that to me?

• 34:29Andrew Santino?

  It's like the Seinfeld episode when the pilots in the audience are like, what? I don't want to know the pilots in the fucking audience.

• 34:34Speaker 04

  Yes.

• 34:35Andrew Santino?

  That drives me. In fact, sometimes if I'm getting off a plane... And the flight attendants will say, "Hey, good luck tonight." And I'm like, "Oh, thank you so much." They're like, "We're gonna go." And I'm like, "Oh, fuck." It like, well, I'm like, "Okay." But it's like, I'm never gonna see them again, but you're also like, "I wonder where the flight attendants are." They're here. Like, I think about it.

• 34:53Speaker 04

  You're just, of course.

• 34:54Andrew Santino?

  It gets in your brain for some reason. "I'll see you tonight. Good luck." Or sometimes I'll get, I don't know if you ever get this, when someone's like, "I wanted to come see you, but we couldn't get tickets." And even when you're like, "Really? But there's still tickets available?" And they're like, "Yeah, we couldn't get them." They're wanting you to go, "Do you want me to get you tickets?"

• 35:11Speaker 04

  Oh, fuck.

• 35:12Andrew Santino?

  "Do you want me to get you tickets?" And you're like, "Oh, okay, yeah." I don't ever care, but I know that's why they're saying it.

• 35:18Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 35:18Andrew Santino?

  It's like, "I don't think that show's sold out yet." And they're like, "Yeah, we couldn't get them." You're like, "Oh, right, yeah, that's anyway."

• 35:23Speaker 04

  That's so, I had not-

• 35:24Andrew Santino?

  Very divisive.

• 35:25Speaker 04

  -put that together.

• 35:26Andrew Santino?

  Yeah.

• 35:26Speaker 04

  I for sure had that happen. And I was like, "Oh, that's just weird. Maybe they just like, didn't wanna get a sit or something."

• 35:30Andrew Santino?

  No, no, no. They want, yeah, they want to fuck it, they want you to give them-

• 35:33Speaker 04

  I just wanted free tickets.

• 35:34Andrew Santino?

  I talked to a buddy about this. This is incredible. I want you to search on your phone. This is amazing, cuz it just brought this up.

• 35:38Speaker 04

  Okay.

• 35:39Andrew Santino?

  Uh, so he said to me, hold on. You don't have to do it now, but at some point, you have to search, this is incredible, "Search in your text messages," and this is for comics, "I hate to ask." Search the phrase, "I hate to ask." "I hate to ask." Because you know it's coming. It's like, "Hate to ask, but can I get ta-" And it may not be just for you. It may be like, "Can, you know, I saw that your friend, Taylor's coming to town, and I hate to ask, but..."

• 36:05Speaker 04

  Oh, my god.

• 36:05Andrew Santino?

  So he goes, we were at dinner, he goes, "Search in your text message bar. Just search, 'I hate to ask.'" And I was like, "All right." I did. It was so many more than I ever thought. I was like, "Oh, my god." But it's always led by, "I hate to ask," and then the request.

• 36:19Speaker 04

  Yep.

• 36:20Andrew Santino?

  Right? And then at the very end, they always go, "No worries if not," right? Or whatever, or "It's all good if not." And my buddy and I were saying, "You should start it," he goes, "The way I do it," cuz he's an entertainment too, he goes, "I write 'request' up top, so they know." "Making a request."

• 36:36Speaker 04

  Oh, interesting, okay.

• 36:37Andrew Santino?

  "Request," and then they write- Here's what I'm asking of you.

• 36:39Speaker 04

  Mm-hmm.

• 36:40Andrew Santino?

  And then at the end, I do not write "all good" or "no worries" or anything. He goes, "That should come after they make a decision." So if they go, "Just can't help da-da-da, all good, no worries." Then you say "all good, no worries." You don't already preface it with "all good, no worries", because then the implication is, uh, I really want you to do this for me, but like, if you can, it is what it is. And it's like, well, then it's more weird, more pressure on me.

• 37:00Speaker 04

  It's the most people pleaser-y. Like, I don't want to rub any wrong, I'm just gonna cover all bases in this one time.

• 37:05Andrew Santino?

  I hate to ask. You gotta look that up when you leave. "I hate to ask."

• 37:09Speaker 04

  It's such funny timing, because, so my special came out today.

• 37:11Andrew Santino?

  Yeah.

• 37:11Speaker 04

  And I was-

• 37:12Andrew Santino?

  And go watch it right now. Pause the pod.

• 37:16Speaker 04

  Thank you.

• 37:16Andrew Santino?

  Go watch the special.

• 37:18Speaker 04

  Thank you.

• 37:18Andrew Santino?

  Go watch the special right now. Come back, though, I'd like you to come back.

• 37:20Speaker 04

  Just come back.

• 37:21Andrew Santino?

  But watch the special.

• 37:22Speaker 04

  It's on Hulu and it's on YouTube. Even if you don't have Hulu, you can watch it on YouTube.

• 37:25Andrew Santino?

  I think everyone, don't they just give Hulu away now? Isn't like a thing that exists, isn't it like a, is it free now?

• 37:30Speaker 04

  It's like free with like McDonald's.

• 37:31Andrew Santino?

  It's not free?

• 37:32Speaker 03

  No.

• 37:33Andrew Santino?

  But it's-

• 37:33Speaker 03

  You can get a bundle.

• 37:34Andrew Santino?

  You bundle it. It's free, it loops with other stuff.

• 37:36Speaker 03

  Cause Hulu is owned by Disney.

• 37:38Andrew Santino?

  That's right, baby, I'm on Hulu too later this year. Let's go.

• 37:40Speaker 04

  Yes.

• 37:40Andrew Santino?

  What's the special called again?

• 37:41Speaker 04

  Mark Your Territory.

• 37:42Andrew Santino?

  Mark Your Territory, available on Hulu and YouTube. Go watch, go watch, go watch, go watch. Okay, come back, go ahead.

• 37:47Speaker 04

  Okay, so, I'm in that, this like week of press and I was gonna text just a bunch of comics and be like, "Hey, hate to ask."

• 37:57Andrew Santino?

  "Hate to ask, but..."

• 37:59Speaker 04

  Could you just give my special a shout-out on your story?

• 38:02Andrew Santino?

  Don't even say "hate to ask." Just go, "Hey, my special just came out. Would be really rad if you dropped a shout-out for me." But don't-

• 38:10Speaker 04

  And I'm not gonna do "if not, no worries."

• 38:12Andrew Santino?

  Don't do that.

• 38:13Speaker 04

  I won't. I won't know, I'm so glad we, I haven't said no yet.

• 38:16Andrew Santino?

  People who know who you are, if you're, if, okay, if you have the, and this applies for people outside of our business, we're not inside baseball. This is just for people in public. If you have a favor you need to ask of a friend.

• 38:25Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 38:26Andrew Santino?

  Honestly, just say it, get it out. And you don't have to pander and be like, "It's, I hate to do this, da-da-da." It's like, no you don't, you, I know you, I'm asking you because I know you.

• 38:37Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 38:37Andrew Santino?

  The relationship is obviously familiar enough to go, "Hey, hey, would you do this?"

• 38:40Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 38:41Andrew Santino?

  And it's yes or no. If somebody goes, "Hey, man, I don't really do that," no problem. That's fine.

• 38:45Speaker 04

  Well-

• 38:45Andrew Santino?

  That's all good.

• 38:46Speaker 04

  We also, when we get asked for a favor, like, if it's a friend, we never give a fuck.

• 38:50Andrew Santino?

  I know. I don't even think about it.

• 38:52Speaker 04

  Happy to do it.

• 38:53Andrew Santino?

  Unless it's somebody, uh, who asks and I'm not that, I like, I don't know that well, and then I'm like, "I'm gonna do this." I'm gonna do this, but also-

• 39:03Speaker 04

  I'm gonna remember that.

• 39:04Andrew Santino?

  Just remember this, you know what I mean? This will... I need a write back, I will remember this. You will re- you should remember this, I will log this in.

• 39:12Speaker 04

  I absolutely will remember this.

• 39:13Andrew Santino?

  I've done, I've done, I've, I will do almost anything for people in the community if they, if I can, or if it's necessary or appropriate. But I get it, but there is this weird thing in common culture where you're like, why do we feel so... I just don't like when, when we feel this like innate thing to be like, "Hey, I don't really wanna do this." It's like, "But you do, just fucking do it, just get it out of the way." People do that when they say hi sometimes in public, they go, "I hate to do this to you, man, but you get a photo." It's like, "You don't hate to do it, just say, 'Can I get a photo?'" It's fine, it's, just do it. It makes it feel more weird when you're like, "Look dude, I know you're, I know you're fucking at the airport and it was..."

• 39:46Speaker 04

  I hemmed and hawed about even coming over here.

• 39:48Andrew Santino?

  Right, yeah. "My wife was mad we even came over here." And she's in the back and she's like, "Don't, just take the photo, please, just let him take the goddamn photo." No, but I mean, it's fine, just asking it over. So from now on, everyone in public, don't, don't, don't lead with "I hate to ask", uh, and don't end with "All good if not, or no worries." That comes after the yes or no.

• 40:09Speaker 04

  Interesting.

• 40:10Andrew Santino?

  This is moving forward in like-

• 40:11Speaker 04

  I love it.

• 40:12Andrew Santino?

  I sound like a language brat now, like I'm all into the technicals of-

• 40:15Speaker 04

  It's like a social etiquette.

• 40:16Andrew Santino?

  Yeah.

• 40:17Speaker 04

  I like it.

• 40:17Andrew Santino?

  Well, we should fix a few of them. Give me, I know you've got one loaded up as a touring comedian, there's all sorts of social etiquette that bothers the shit out of all of us, you know?

• 40:25Speaker 04

  Oh god.

• 40:26Andrew Santino?

  I mean, first of all, don't fucking try to get off the plane before you're supposed to.

• 40:29Speaker 03

  Oh my god.

• 40:30Andrew Santino?

  I mean, I wanna kill you.

• 40:30Speaker 04

  Forever noise.

• 40:31Andrew Santino?

  I'm gonna shoot you in the head, I'm gonna kill you, I wanna kill you, I wanna fucking kill you.

• 40:35Speaker 03

  I put my leg into the, in, out of the-

• 40:37Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, you gotta block him.

• 40:37Speaker 03

  Yeah, block him.

• 40:38Andrew Santino?

  Block him.

• 40:38Speaker 04

  It's so crazy. It's still every flight I'm on, somebody's doing it.

• 40:43Andrew Santino?

  It'll never not be there. Also, there's my other social etiquette. Uh, yeah, are you in a city you've never been to before and you're with a group of people? Don't stop in the middle of the sidewalk, pull to the side. If you're gonna, dude, come on, it's insane. Pull over, just like you are in a car. You wouldn't fucking meander in a car when you're like, "Is this the baby?" Pull over, it kills me.

• 41:01Speaker 04

  Middle of the road.

• 41:02Andrew Santino?

  No, but they'll stop in the middle of the sidewalk like, and they'll be shocked that you're like, "Excuse me," and they're like, "Oh god, this guy's just walking?" Yeah dude, you're on the thoroughfare, you're on the, we all have to do this.

• 41:13Speaker 04

  The thoroughfare?

• 41:14Andrew Santino?

  Yes, you're on the, you're on the thoroughfare.

• 41:16Speaker 04

  Oh my god.

• 41:17Andrew Santino?

  I have so many of them.

• 41:17Speaker 04

  Unbelievable.

• 41:18Andrew Santino?

  How about this one, at a bar, at a bar. I always said if I ever owned a bar, after 6 o'clock, 7 o'clock, right? After dinner hour is slowly fading into bar hour now. If you are up at that bar, seated, and you're sitting at the bar, don't be fucking shocked, people are bumping into you getting a drink. You're at the place, we need to go.

• 41:38Speaker 04

  Great point.

• 41:39Andrew Santino?

  You're at the fucking, you're at the thing that has the shit that all of us need in the room.

• 41:43Speaker 04

  You took the seats that had no wait time.

• 41:46Andrew Santino?

  Mm-hmm.

• 41:46Speaker 04

  So you get, you get a little bit and you give a little bit.

• 41:48Andrew Santino?

  That's exactly right.

• 41:50Speaker 04

  You know, you know what you're getting into?

• 41:52Andrew Santino?

  You're gonna get bumped, and by the way, you're probably gonna get a drink spilled on ya. That's gonna happen. Someone's gonna grab a drink, and it's gonna pour, and you're gonna go, "God, dude, what the fu-" You're at the thing. I think we should remove stools, a chunk of stools. There's a couple of bars in here in LA that I go to, my little, my little favorite gems. And they have the rails that used to be where servers go.

• 42:11Speaker 04

  Oh, sure.

• 42:12Andrew Santino?

  So they left the rails up. The servers go to the other side now. But the rails are for people to order at, so they're not bumping into patrons. So that's an open spot, no stools allowed, and I thought, "That should be at every fucking bar."

• 42:22Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 42:22Andrew Santino?

  There should be a set of rails, at least one or two if the bar, if the, if the woods long. So you're not bump, so I don't have to go, "Excuse me, man," and sliver in between a guy and go, "Uh, uh, vodka soda," and I don't need to do that.

• 42:34Speaker 04

  Because it's also, you don't just slither in for one second, you're, you're parking.

• 42:39Andrew Santino?

  I'm parking, yeah.

• 42:40Speaker 04

  For maybe five whole minutes, just between two people.

• 42:43Andrew Santino?

  I'm putting my flashers on and I'm double parked, and I have to be in here. I'm sorry that I'm bumping in. It happened literally last night, and this guy kinda like turned, like, gave me a "What the fuck," and I, it took everything inside of me not to be like, "You're at the thing." We're all coming here, dude. You're in the dead center of the fucking, of, of where we go, so...

• 43:00Speaker 04

  You may as well be sitting on the counter, like, crisscross applesauce, and be like, "What the fuck, guys? You just knocked my drink off?" It's like, "Yeah, man."

• 43:08Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, man.

• 43:08Speaker 04

  That's exactly where you're sitting. That's where, why did you think-

• 43:11Andrew Santino?

  You're sitting where we are. This is where we need to go, by the way. Shout out to crisscross applesauce. I know, you're a goo, you're a good little Christian. Crisscross applesauce. How, how long did it take for us to get rid of, uh, sitting Indian style? It was so funny that they really shook that out of culture. They were like, "Do not say Indian style."

• 43:27Speaker 04

  Don't you dare.

• 43:28Andrew Santino?

  By the way, here's the best part about it. I can't sit like that because I have bad knees, so I'm good. I have, I have bad knees. I can't even get down that far.

• 43:35Speaker 04

  Oh my god.

• 43:36Andrew Santino?

  Whenever, whenever I see people seated like that as an adult, I'm like, "That is a flexible adult." That's how old I'm getting. If I see someone sitting there, I'm like, "Look at that flexible adult that you can do that." I can't sit that way.

• 43:45Speaker 04

  Yeah, you're like crisscross hard pretzel. There's no fluidity of applesauce in your knees. It's just like...

• 43:52Andrew Santino?

  I'm crisscross hard pretzel. And no dipping sauce. It's stale. This is three day old rotating pretzel in the case. It's crackable. It's hard as a rock. We, speaking of, we did just buy for the, well, we bought, and I hadn't had them in years, the prepackaged frozen pretzels that you heat up.

• 44:08Speaker 04

  The Bavarian pretzel? God.

• 44:11Andrew Santino?

  Phenomenal!

• 44:12Speaker 04

  What a game changer. We've been buying those too for like football parties. Bake them in the oven. I make homemade mustard.

• 44:18Andrew Santino?

  I'm coming over.

• 44:19Speaker 04

  It's my grandma's sweet hot mustard. It's this like famous recipe. It's so fucking good. It will send your nose hairs off. It's very spicy.

• 44:25Andrew Santino?

  Horse radish in there?

• 44:26Speaker 04

  No, but it tastes like there is. It's Coleman's mustard powder.

• 44:29Andrew Santino?

  Oh yeah, the mustard powder. Oh yeah. Coleman's. Those British. That's about the only spicy thing in British culture. We do mustard, right, don't we? No other spices exist, except if you go to Indian food there. But British food, it's the most, it's, there is no, no spice. Literally no. So, so mustard sauce, uh, is beer in there? Do you put any beer in the mustard?

• 44:49Speaker 04

  No, it's just eggs, the mustard powder, malt vinegar, and sugar.

• 44:53Andrew Santino?

  Gave away grandma's secret just like that?

• 44:55Speaker 04

  I didn't say, I didn't say the quantities.

• 44:56Andrew Santino?

  Oh, that's true.

• 44:57Speaker 04

  I didn't say how you fucking make it.

• 44:58Andrew Santino?

  Is she alive?

• 44:59Speaker 04

  No.

• 45:00Andrew Santino?

  What, what'd you call her? Nana, Nana, Nunu, Nini? Grandma? Just grandma?

• 45:04Speaker 04

  It's a grandma.

• 45:04Andrew Santino?

  That's what your family did? You ended up with grandma? You ended up with the, the literal word? You didn't give her a nickname?

• 45:10Speaker 04

  No.

• 45:10Andrew Santino?

  God, that's weird, dude.

• 45:11Speaker 04

  What? No, it's not.

• 45:13Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, everyone's...

• 45:13Speaker 03

  That's what I had to do.

• 45:14Andrew Santino?

  Grandma?

• 45:15Speaker 03

  We had Grandma Porkery, Grandma Smavy.

• 45:16Andrew Santino?

  That's insane. You gotta give them a nickname. I had a Nana, I had a Nanny, uh, and it was Paw.

• 45:25Andrew Santino?

  Paw and Poppy. Paw, Poppy, Nana.

• 45:28Speaker 04

  Out on the prairie.

• 45:31Speaker 04

  Me and Pa.

• 45:32Andrew Santino?

  Me and Pa. Well, they're from the south. It was appropriate. We're in North Carolina. That was nanny and Pa. Pat Pa.

• 45:38Speaker 04

  Oh my god.

• 45:39Andrew Santino?

  That was Pat Pa. One of my dad's, yeah, they're from North Carolina. One of my dad's cousins was named Elvis. I was like, that's not even real. I never met an Elvis in my entire fucking life. He's like, "Yeah, that's cousin Elvis." I was like, "Son of a bitch, dude." Who would have the balls to name your kid after that?

• 45:53Speaker 04

  Elvis.

• 45:54Andrew Santino?

  Crazy.

• 45:54Speaker 04

  Jesus. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 45:55Andrew Santino?

  Like, you can't, you can do that. You could, you could be like, "We named my son Michael after Michael Jackson. We loved Michael Jackson." It's Michael, doesn't matter. But Elvis is so deliberately named after him.

• 46:04Speaker 04

  Prince. It's like, it's-

• 46:05Andrew Santino?

  Right, we named him Prince.

• 46:07Speaker 04

  Madonna. Yeah, yeah, yeah. There's no mistaking it.

• 46:09Andrew Santino?

  What's Madonna's real name? Is it Madonna? No. Look, none of us know, though.

• 46:13Speaker 04

  No, I guess we don't.

• 46:15Andrew Santino?

  Is her name Madonna?

• 46:16Speaker 03

  Cause Prince's real name is Prince.

• 46:17Andrew Santino?

  Prince's real name is Prince. That is correct. Minnesota shout out. Prince is Minnesota's finest.

• 46:21Speaker 04

  I should fucking know that.

• 46:22Speaker 01

  In here, we pour whiskey.

• 46:25Andrew Santino?

  March Madness is here. Boy, oh boy, I'm on the edge of my seat constantly. It's been incredible. If you're like me, you want a little skin in the game, want a little action, huh? While watching, you need to download ProfitX today. I don't know what you're waiting for. Not only can you watch your school advance, but you and your old fraternity bros can go against the rival's school on ProfitX. Get the best odds to win. You know you're still talking all that smack, huh? On those boards you guys are sharing or that group text you guys got going on?

• 46:52Andrew Santino?

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• 47:31Andrew Santino?

  You gotta download ProfitX today. Download ProfitX right now. Use the promo code WHISKY to get up to 300 in profit cash. That's right, 300 in profit cash when you download ProfitX today and use the promo code WHISKY. It feels like there's not enough time in the day. All right, I know that feeling. I gotta do a bunch of other stuff and then, am I gonna be able to get to the gym? No, I'm not. I'm not, and I wanna get rid of that muffin top, alright? Well, here's where Tonal comes in. Tonal, you can assure you're checking workout off your to-do list with the convenience of an at-home gym 24/7. This is the future, let's be honest, okay? Everyone can't get a personal trainer, then they go meet somewhere down the road at a certain time, at a gym, with other people, and they're looking at you, and someone's taking selfies, someone's doing a lifting video. Dude, just do it at home, will ya?

• 48:15Andrew Santino?

  Working out is already hard enough, make it simple. And if you're looking for quick results, in your own home, that is, Tonal is here for you. It's an at-home strength training system that uses adaptive weight to learn from your movement and set the optimal weight for every single move. Smartest workout I've ever seen. Effortlessly fits into busiest lifestyles, and the latest iteration, by the way, Tonal 2, you can ensure your workout is more tailored and effective than ever for what you need. Stop doing stuff you don't need to do. Full-body burn with the new Aero HIT workouts, love HIT classes. Perfect blend of heart pumping cardio and strength, and the built-in SmartView leverages a high-resolution camera, lets you see yourself. You wanna check yourself out like you look in the mirror? Look at my traps, huh? They got drop sets on Tonal 2, analyzes your movement, senses when you're fatiguing, it'll drop weight until your muscles are maxed out.

• 49:00Andrew Santino?

  I mean, come on, you gotta do this. If you're looking to get yourself an at-home gym, this is the total package. Don't pay for a membership, to drive to the place, to wait for a machine, to drink from that fountain. Don't do that, you know? Be in your own home. Right now, Tonal is offering our listeners $200 off your Tonal purchase with promo code WHISKY at tonal.com, T-O-N-A-L dot com. Use the promo code WHISKY for $200 off your purchase. Tonal.com, promo code WHISKY for $200 off. A lot of the fans know I got a little bit of trouble sleeping at night, also got a bad back, and I'm telling you, it's been helped and corrected. Thank you to Helix Sleep. Helix is incredible. If you've heard me before talk about it on this show, you know, Helix mattresses are unbelievable. They truly are life-changing.

• 49:44Andrew Santino?

  They were nice enough to send me a couple, and, boy oh boy, love. Just absolutely love. I've always had trouble getting to sleep, and with Helix, my favorite thing is, it's controlled so that you don't get too hot or too cold. It is so nice, and so comfortable, and you pick your firmness, and you go on Helix Sleep's website, okay? Go to helixsleep.com. And then you choose, right? You custom fit for what you need out of a mattress. More firm, more soft, more stiff, more big, more tight, because you want to snuggle up next to that person that you love. And it truly will be fit for what you need. It's helped me get so much better sleep now. It's also helped me kind of take some time down to relax.

• 50:28Andrew Santino?

  If I ever just want to like sit down for a minute, take a break, chill out on the Helix and just think. Just close my eyes and think. That's what my mom used to say. I'm just closing my eyes. Helix is incredible. If you are looking for a well-rested night's sleep that is well-earned and worth the money, you've got to try Helix Sleep. Right now, they've got a 20% off site-wide sale going on. Helix Sleep, you've got to check it out. Go to helixsleep.com/whiskey. helixsleep.com/whiskey to get yourself a beautiful deal from March Madness. 20% off, site-wide. Go get it and get yourself some good rest, will you?

• 51:09Andrew Santino?

  You didn't know, that's his real name. What's Madonna's real name, young lad?

• 51:12Speaker 03

  Oh, I think it is.

• 51:13Andrew Santino?

  It's gotta be Madonna, right?

• 51:14Speaker 03

  Madonna Luis Veronica Ciccione.

• 51:16Andrew Santino?

  Ciccione.

• 51:17Speaker 03

  Ciccione.

• 51:18Andrew Santino?

  Wow, see?

• 51:18Speaker 03

  Yes, she is Madonna.

• 51:19Andrew Santino?

  It's a great name.

• 51:20Speaker 04

  I've learned so much this episode.

• 51:21Andrew Santino?

  That's what we do here.

• 51:22Speaker 04

  Thank you for having me. This is so educational.

• 51:23Andrew Santino?

  Thank you for coming. What, if you had a kid, what would you name it?

• 51:27Speaker 04

  Oh, God.

• 51:28Andrew Santino?

  Do you guys want to have a kid?

• 51:30Speaker 04

  No. So he has two adult children. He has a 25-year-old and a 21-year-old. Because he had kids young.

• 51:35Andrew Santino?

  That's right, he had kids young, yeah, that's right.

• 51:36Speaker 04

  And he's older than me, so that would be...

• 51:38Andrew Santino?

  I heard how you said that, by the way. And he's older than me. Chad, you've got to come on the show and defend yourself, by the way. Let's get him on the show.

• 51:45Speaker 04

  No, listen, I talk about all of my special, how much I love that he's older than me.

• 51:48Andrew Santino?

  Yeah.

• 51:49Speaker 04

  It's so great. It's the best.

• 51:50Andrew Santino?

  He's mature. He's been through it.

• 51:52Speaker 04

  He's such a man.

• 51:53Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, he's a guy.

• 51:54Speaker 04

  Like, ah, I think especially as like a comic, it's kind of an anomaly to find, it's like, he has his shit so together. He had kids so young. It's like he always had to try to make it, but also provide and be a good dad. So he just, I don't know, he's just like always has it together and I fucking love it.

• 52:10Andrew Santino?

  He's got it figured out. Except for his crippling sports gambling addiction. Jinx, jinx, jinx, jinx-able.

• 52:17Speaker 04

  A rage for that.

• 52:18Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, his rage coming from that. But what would you, if you guys did, if you popped one out, what would you name your kid? Would you do an obscure thing, or would you keep it kind of standard?

• 52:28Speaker 04

  I would maybe somewhere in the middle, nothing, nothing like apple, nothing weird.

• 52:32Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, apples are pretty wild.

• 52:33Speaker 04

  Nothing Gwyneth Paltrowy, but I wouldn't go like Megan.

• 52:36Andrew Santino?

  No, Megan, yes, can't do Megan. Could you could do, you see, cause now I was talking to a buddy. You know, and he was like. His, he was like, oh, my favorite thing, you know, like I love to fish, I love outdoor stuff. And I was like, he was like searching for there. I was like, I don't think there's a lot of. Outdoor words. You know what I mean?

• 52:53Speaker 04

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 52:53Andrew Santino?

  Like hiking and like you can't, I know that I was like, what is the like trail? You can't name them like trail.

• 52:58Speaker 03

  Walleye.

• 52:58Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, walleye, name them walleye. Yeah, but what we were joking about about um rock climbing. He was like. What's it called? Belay? Is it belay? Belay, right? When you go down? Is that, am I wrong? Belay.

• 53:09Speaker 04

  Um, I know what you're talking about.

• 53:10Andrew Santino?

  I was like, it sounds like a French word. You could get away with it, you know, if you're like, oh, belay. It's like, oh, my God, he's foreign.

• 53:14Speaker 04

  Just putting accent on it.

• 53:15Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, it's belay, it's belay. Yeah, belay, I think means to belay on means like, uh, when you like.

• 53:21Speaker 04

  When you go.

• 53:22Andrew Santino?

  When you hoist them down. I think, I think I'm fucking crazy. Is it belay?

• 53:26Speaker 03

  Is it spelled Billy?

• 53:27Andrew Santino?

  Well, dude.

• 53:29Speaker 03

  Billy rock climb down means it, oh.

• 53:32Andrew Santino?

  No, Bill.

• 53:32Speaker 03

  Climbing down.

• 53:33Andrew Santino?

  Just look up B I L L E T, belay, belay.

• 53:35Speaker 04

  Belay.

• 53:36Andrew Santino?

  Belay rock climb, I don't know. But I was like, there's no outdoor terms that you could. We were trying to find it really hard.

• 53:42Speaker 03

  B E L A Y.

• 53:43Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, belay, is that right? Yeah, belay. But it does sound foreign, but also he said, you know, fishing, I was, and then we were joking, I was like, bobber. Do not name a girl bobber, please. I mean, that is.

• 53:53Speaker 04

  Oh, that's a girl giving head at way too young an age.

• 53:55Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, oh, here comes the bobber.

• 53:58Speaker 03

  You can't call her largemouth either.

• 53:59Andrew Santino?

  No, can't call her smallmouth either. It's just as insulting as largemouth.

• 54:03Speaker 03

  No fishing things.

• 54:04Speaker 04

  Nothing with the mouth.

• 54:04Andrew Santino?

  No, she could be a carp. Yeah, here comes carp.

• 54:07Speaker 04

  Carpy.

• 54:08Andrew Santino?

  Although for a guy, carpy is kind of a cool nickname. It's like a baseball player.

• 54:11Speaker 04

  Carp.

• 54:12Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, carp.

• 54:13Speaker 04

  I could, that's a very dude sounding name.

• 54:16Andrew Santino?

  When they have their head, they're like carp, uh, carp cook, Minneapolis, Minnesota, my favorite food's pizza.

• 54:23Andrew Santino?

  My favorite movie is Avengers, you know? Carp cook, carp, carp cook is pretty rad, dude.

• 54:28Speaker 04

  I'm about to rip out my IUD. I'm gonna just make this happen right now. The world needs.

• 54:33Andrew Santino?

  I'm carp cook, Minneapolis, Minnesota, my parents are comedians.

• 54:37Speaker 04

  The world needs carp cook.

• 54:38Andrew Santino?

  Carp cook should be birthed. My favorite food's pizza. Their favorite food is always pizza, by the way. Whenever they do the Little League guys, they're always like, my favorite food's pizza. It's like, no shit. It should say favorite food, no shit. You guessed it. Of course you know. And also, what I've found over the years that I always loved to watch Little League World Series, I think it's like the cutest thing. Well, what's cute about it is you see like little hustlers, and then you see grown men playing. You're like, that's a 14-year-old boy. He's 6'3", 225. You're like, that's a 14-year-old now? And they always have like, every season changes over, um, who their favorite. They always do like their favorite food. They do their favorite actor, or rapper, or singer, whatever. And you see a change with the trends. But there's always like one kid, which I always love.

• 55:19Andrew Santino?

  They'll do like, you know, they're like, "My favorite food is pizza, and I love Drake", you know, or whatever it was. And then one season, you always have one kid that's like, "My favorite food is macaroni and cheese, and I love chaparron." And you're like, "Oh, alright. Look at this guy, huh? He's different. He's different than all, which one of these things is not like the other."

• 55:38Speaker 04

  Someone's had to go. We love it. Look at you, little one. Little kids in sports, nothing cuter.

• 55:45Andrew Santino?

  It's like the greatest thing. I just go to watch them. I just go without kids. I don't have kids. I just go to the fields and watch them. Yeah.

• 55:52Speaker 04

  Do you have nieces, nephews?

• 55:53Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, nieces. Two girls. But they're, it's so funny now. We talked about this just yesterday. Um, one just had a birthday.

• 56:01Speaker 04

  Okay.

• 56:02Andrew Santino?

  And she was sick, and I felt bad. I was texting her, and I was like, "I'm so sorry you're sick on your birthday. I know that's like the biggest bummer in the world", especially when you're like in your teens, you're like, "This means the world to me." Like, you know, birthdays in your teens.

• 56:13Speaker 04

  This is my day, yes.

• 56:14Andrew Santino?

  "It's ruining my day. The norovirus."

• 56:19Andrew Santino?

  But you know, like, and the other one drives now, which is like,

• 56:21Speaker 04

  Oh my god.

• 56:23Andrew Santino?

  I don't know, it's one of those things where you, it just, you see them grow, and, uh, I don't know. They're not even mine, but you're like, "Oh man, I miss when they're in the fucking..." When I like blew them away by some stupid thing. You're like, "That's so rad." Now you're never gonna blow their mind. They reach that 14 and up, 13 and up, you're boring. They're cooler than you.

• 56:46Speaker 04

  They don't want you anywhere near you.

• 56:47Andrew Santino?

  I think you're alright.

• 56:48Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 56:49Andrew Santino?

  They're like, "Yeah, he's on TV."

• 56:53Speaker 04

  Which in real, it's like so many people are like, "Oh my, that'd be so cool to be Andrew Santino's niece."

• 56:57Andrew Santino?

  No, that's whatever. He's kind of a nerd. He's a nerd, yeah. You see him at Christmas, he's super annoying. Cause yeah, teenage girls, there's no chance that they think you're cool anymore. Like they're, you lose cool, as soon as they can drive, you suck.

• 57:10Speaker 04

  You're done.

• 57:10Andrew Santino?

  But they're both very sweet and nice still, but I think there's no way they think that we're, you know.

• 57:14Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 57:14Andrew Santino?

  We're old, we're so old. I remember when my dad turned 40, I was like, fuck dude, when does, is he die soon now? We had a party for him for, lordy, lordy, Jeff turned 40. That was like, I was, oh lord, Jeff turned 40. And that was like such a big deal and I thought, dude, what happens at 40?

• 57:30Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 57:31Andrew Santino?

  Is that when you retire at 40? I thought that was the end of times.

• 57:33Speaker 04

  Isn't it weird to think about like your elementary school teachers? We all thought that they were a thousand, they were like 26.

• 57:38Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, they were 25 years old, I know.

• 57:39Speaker 04

  They're like fresh out of college, they like just got, there's their first job.

• 57:42Andrew Santino?

  Right.

• 57:43Speaker 04

  Oh my god.

• 57:44Andrew Santino?

  Look at how old Ms. Mack is, dude. Look at how old, she can't even bend over, look at how old she is, yeah. They were, they were, but also, I think now teachers are younger than, we always did have, there were some older ladies.

• 57:54Speaker 04

  There were some dinosaurs.

• 57:55Andrew Santino?

  And now, I feel like it's all, they're all young. I don't think you ever see in elementary schools, they're all like 22 or 23 years old.

• 58:03Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 58:03Andrew Santino?

  Old women quit, they all, they all got out of it. Well, they're all boozing on the job too. Mr. Hart, my business teacher in high school, Mr. Hart, for sure RIP. I mean, I don't know, he's definitely not around, there's no way. He was in his 60s then, and uh, he was boozed up and was not even shy about it. Like people would be like, dude, Hart stinks like booze, and he would be like, you know, like, he was just like, shut up, you know, what are you guys, rats? You know, like?

• 58:29Speaker 04

  We're watching a movie for the fifth day around, just like, didn't care at all to.

• 58:32Andrew Santino?

  Oh no, he didn't, he was, we, we had a talent competition, uh, like a, uh,

• 58:37Speaker 04

  Talent show?

• 58:38Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, it was like, but it was like, what do you call, like a rally, what are they, pep rally type of thing, whatever. And they had like a talent competition, and he was like, I missed the talent competition, but there were some people in here that were in the show. And people were like, oh yeah, something, something, and he's like, I wanna see it. So he made them do talents in front of their class, in the middle of class. He was like, I wasn't there, I was upset, I was at dinner, can you guys do it? People were like, I think somebody sang, he's like, someone get up here and sing. That's how, that was high school then, you know?

• 59:06Speaker 04

  Incredible.

• 59:07Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, and no phones, cause there was no phones. You couldn't have, there was no way to tape that, yeah.

• 59:11Speaker 04

  Do you know about, that my dad is like an international yo-yo man? Do you know this?

• 59:16Andrew Santino?

  What?

• 59:17Speaker 04

  Okay, so.

• 59:17Andrew Santino?

  Your dad is a yo-yo man?

• 59:19Speaker 04

  My dad, he has like a bunch of-

• 59:21Andrew Santino?

  I have to see a picture of this gentleman.

• 59:22Speaker 04

  Wild occupations, uh, he's, his primary-

• 59:25Andrew Santino?

  It's called cook, right? That's your dad?

• 59:28Speaker 04

  Chris Cook.

• 59:29Andrew Santino?

  What's your dad's name? I have to look this up now.

• 59:30Speaker 04

  Chris Cook.

• 59:31Andrew Santino?

  Chris Cook.

• 59:32Speaker 04

  There's a...

• 59:33Andrew Santino?

  Do I put yo-yo man?

• 59:35Speaker 04

  I don't know what will come up for that. I did a video with him on my Instagram, maybe like a year ago.

• 59:38Andrew Santino?

  Oh, I did see that.

• 59:39Speaker 04

  Okay, yeah, yeah. So...

• 59:41Andrew Santino?

  Does he also plays the trumpet?

• 59:42Speaker 04

  Yes. He, that's his main thing. He's a trumpet player in the Spokane Symphony.

• 59:46Andrew Santino?

  Cutie pie.

• 59:47Speaker 04

  Oh, my gosh.

• 59:48Andrew Santino?

  Cutie pie. The trumpet, the look with the trumpet is so cute, like...

• 59:52Speaker 04

  Shut up.

• 59:53Andrew Santino?

  You want me to play a note?

• 59:55Speaker 04

  He's the best, but...

• 59:56Andrew Santino?

  Awesome.

• 59:57Speaker 04

  So he used to come to my elementary school and do yo-yo demonstrations. Like, he was the entertainment.

• 1:00:02Andrew Santino?

  He was the show.

• 1:00:03Speaker 04

  He was the show. And it's the same, like, we were talking about with your nieces. When you're young, you're like, oh, my god, my dad's the coolest. Like, I can't believe that's my dad doing the yo-yos. And then you get to high school and you're like, if you fucking come here to this school with your yo-yos, like, I'm trying to lose my fucking virginity out here. Like, I need you to get away from this.

• 1:00:20Andrew Santino?

  You think I can get laid with your fucking yo-yos bouncing around the halls? Get out of here, man.

• 1:00:24Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 1:00:25Andrew Santino?

  Then you learn to love it again.

• 1:00:26Speaker 04

  And then, exactly.

• 1:00:27Andrew Santino?

  Right, you go through that phase.

• 1:00:29Speaker 04

  Because now it's like, the cool, I was...

• 1:00:30Andrew Santino?

  It's so rad.

• 1:00:31Speaker 04

  So happy to put him on Instagram. And people, we were on like an Australian talk show on Zoom. People loved, they went super viral.

• 1:00:37Andrew Santino?

  Right.

• 1:00:37Speaker 04

  Because it's like, very nostalgic.

• 1:00:39Andrew Santino?

  Sweet.

• 1:00:40Speaker 04

  It's, it's yo-yos. Everybody loves it.

• 1:00:42Andrew Santino?

  Everybody loves, it's hard to hate a yo-yo guy. No one ever sees a guy doing yo-yo and be like, get the fuck out of here, man. No one's mad at that guy.

• 1:00:48Speaker 04

  Yeah, tomato.

• 1:00:50Andrew Santino?

  What's your deal, yo-yo man?

• 1:00:53Andrew Santino?

  Kick rocks, bro.

• 1:00:54Speaker 04

  We don't like your kind.

• 1:00:55Andrew Santino?

  Yeah.

• 1:00:56Speaker 04

  No, it's just like...

• 1:00:56Andrew Santino?

  Yo-yo guys, they keep coming around, man. I'm really sick of their shit. Well, that's like, Bargatze's dad is a magician and he, he's like doing shows with them now.

• 1:01:05Speaker 04

  Right.

• 1:01:05Andrew Santino?

  Like, they're doing a cruise or some, some, you know?

• 1:01:07Speaker 04

  Yeah, yeah.

• 1:01:08Andrew Santino?

  I was like, oh, that's kind of wild, too. I'm sure, same thing Nate was probably like, my dad does magic. Then he was a little bit older, he's like, my dad does magic. Now he's like, my dad does magic!

• 1:01:16Speaker 04

  Even the girlfriends away from that, don't do any tricks around her. Yeah, yeah.

• 1:01:20Andrew Santino?

  He's like, ma'am, uh, is this your, he's like, dad! I'm trying to have sex with this girl!

• 1:01:25Speaker 04

  Is this your underwear? I found it in my cell phone.

• 1:01:29Speaker 04

  I actually kind of want to.

• 1:01:29Andrew Santino?

  I didn't know you liked pink. Oh dad, please, don't do that.

• 1:01:33Speaker 04

  It's horrifying.

• 1:01:34Andrew Santino?

  No, I never, I had the opposite experience. My parents were, my dad was in sales and it was like...

• 1:01:38Speaker 04

  Okay, so you were the first of your family to do something?

• 1:01:41Andrew Santino?

  Oh my god, yeah. I'm the last. No one else is doing it. They're all like, "I can't believe you're dumb enough to make this your life." No, yeah, my parents were very supportive in the sense of like, "We're not gonna fund this financially."

• 1:01:53Speaker 04

  Sure.

• 1:01:53Andrew Santino?

  "But we love that you're try-" So go do something.

• 1:01:56Speaker 04

  Yeah, yeah.

• 1:01:56Andrew Santino?

  "But if you fail..." Okay, your fault. Like, there was no like, uh, "We'll pay for the blah", you know?

• 1:02:03Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 1:02:03Andrew Santino?

  That was, that looming fear was probably part of my, the help of my career was like, "Oh, I would just have to move home."

• 1:02:10Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 1:02:11Andrew Santino?

  And just figure that out. But they were never gonna be like, "We'll send you money until it works out", you know? And I had a lot of friends around me that were like, out of jobs and lazy and they just got checks from mom and dad. I was like, "What the fuck is that like?"

• 1:02:23Speaker 04

  I think it's important that you have it the way you did.

• 1:02:26Andrew Santino?

  Yeah.

• 1:02:26Speaker 04

  I did, um, what was it? Uh... Joan Rivers' daughter's podcast. Uh, Melissa Rivers. And she asked me on there, she was like, "So what was your safety net?" And I was like, "Oh, I didn't, I didn't have one." She's like, "Good." She's like, "That's what my mom always said, that if you had a backup plan, you weren't gonna make it."

• 1:02:45Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, that's true.

• 1:02:46Speaker 04

  Like, you had to feel like, "I have to go so hard in this, that it works out."

• 1:02:50Andrew Santino?

  Yeah.

• 1:02:50Speaker 04

  I think that's kinda interesting.

• 1:02:51Andrew Santino?

  Otherwise, you, I mean, otherwise, I think they come from, look, there's plenty of people that have been successful that come from very like, successful, you know?

• 1:02:58Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 1:02:58Andrew Santino?

  That either nepotism gave them a kiss, you know, into the business, but,

• 1:03:02Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 1:03:02Andrew Santino?

  Or they just had a lot of wealth to deal with, of like, they were able to, you know, not have a day job and all that bullshit. You have day jobs? Do you have a bunch of shitty day jobs?

• 1:03:10Speaker 04

  Yeah, yeah, yeah. I took mostly like, reception, sort of, jobs where it was like,

• 1:03:15Andrew Santino?

  Yikes.

• 1:03:15Speaker 04

  I get there.

• 1:03:17Andrew Santino?

  Oh god, how painful are reception, I mean, fuck me.

• 1:03:19Speaker 04

  So, just like, so disrespected.

• 1:03:22Andrew Santino?

  Ugh, yeah. Put someone real on the phone. You got it.

• 1:03:28Speaker 04

  Oh my god, yeah. Uh, but it was such a good, like, you clock and you clock it. You don't take any work home.

• 1:03:32Andrew Santino?

  That is the best.

• 1:03:33Speaker 04

  You get a sit. You still have enough energy to go out at night and do the shows, but, oh yeah, I mean, so many sort of like, devil wears Prada vibe jobs where you're like, and not at fashion companies, but just bosses where like, you are nothing to them. Like, you're not a person to them.

• 1:03:48Andrew Santino?

  It's so gross that that- That's a reality.

• 1:03:50Speaker 04

  Yeah, yeah, yeah. The last day job I had was one of those here in LA. And one of the people I worked with told me months after I quit that I like came up in a company meeting. And that boss who like just always never gave me the time of day was like, oh, yeah, the magician. I was like.

• 1:04:07Speaker 04

  I love that's the impression I left on.

• 1:04:09Andrew Santino?

  The magician.

• 1:04:10Speaker 04

  Ah, yeah.

• 1:04:11Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, she's a touring magician, magic girl. Maybe she's an assistant there as well. She's probably getting caught up in a box somewhere. No way she's the lead magician. Do they have female lead magicians?

• 1:04:23Speaker 04

  Nobody's paying to see her. We paid her nothing. No, I'm kidding.

• 1:04:26Andrew Santino?

  It is funny. I had somebody say they took over a job that I did a day job. And another comic. And he was like, they talk about you. They're like, oh, you're a comic. You know, who used to work here? I'm like, oh, that's gotta be so annoying.

• 1:04:39Speaker 04

  Oh, my God.

• 1:04:40Andrew Santino?

  To be like slotted. That was like my first apartment in West Hollywood. The guy, this guy Jay, he's just kind of like a, I don't know, he probably still around. But sweet guy. But Jay was like ripping heaters and we lived in like the basement, me and my two buddies. And he was like, you know, you used to live here. I was like, who? He's like, Sean Hayes. You know Sean Hayes? I was like, yeah, I know Sean Hayes. Well, Gracie goes, yep. He used to live here. And I was like, that's good for Sean Hayes. He goes, maybe one day, you know, you'll figure it all out. Like doubting the idea, you know what I mean? It was like, all right, man, dude, shut up.

• 1:05:18Speaker 04

  Figure it all out.

• 1:05:19Andrew Santino?

  And I'm coming for you, Sean Hayes. I'm fucking gunning for you, dog.

• 1:05:23Speaker 04

  Look out.

• 1:05:24Andrew Santino?

  He stepped into our world. You're in the podcast world, Shawnee Hayes. Taking you down. No, it is funny when they do that to you as if it's like, is that supposed to make me feel bad or something?

• 1:05:34Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 1:05:35Andrew Santino?

  And he's really successful. You'll be fine. You're like, all right, dude.

• 1:05:38Speaker 04

  Yeah, you keep doing your skits and we'll see what pans out. It's like so demeaning.

• 1:05:43Andrew Santino?

  Oh, yeah. How's your skit go with the sketch kit that you do? That's hard to hear. I love your sketch. What? You're scared of skit sketch that you bit. What do you guys call them? I don't even try when it's someone in my family and it's not me making fun of them, it's just like whenever they're like, "What do you do the thing? What is your, uh, what's your, um, what's your theme?"

• 1:06:04Speaker 04

  Oh, God.

• 1:06:04Andrew Santino?

  Like, "I don't know, man."

• 1:06:05Speaker 04

  Isn't it crazy that we still get asked that so much on radio shows?

• 1:06:08Andrew Santino?

  What's your theme? You got an act? What's your act?

• 1:06:10Speaker 04

  What are you, what are you about?

• 1:06:12Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, what are you all about?

• 1:06:13Speaker 04

  I don't know, it's just, it's just jokes.

• 1:06:15Andrew Santino?

  You gonna make a joke about me? Yeah, I'm gonna write a whole joke about you, guy I just met for the first time. I bet you're gonna, your dad told me you'd probably write a joke about me. It's like, alright. I was talking to Gillis about that, but he was like, you know, how hard it is to play your hometown sometimes when everybody's like, "We're coming, we're coming, we're bringing droves of people," and you're like, "It's overwhelming."

• 1:06:31Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 1:06:32Andrew Santino?

  And you wanna service people, you're like, "I wanna, I want this to be great," but also like, everyone under the sun, and Gilli was saying, "Oh," his dad, he'll just call him up randomly and be like, "I need nine tickets when you're in Baltimore." And he's like, "For who?" He's like, "My buddies, don't worry about it, just get the fucking tickets."

• 1:06:49Speaker 04

  Oh, God.

• 1:06:50Andrew Santino?

  It is true though, you do, you do get the like, "Hey, can you get these people tickets?" You're like, "Who are they?" And they're like, "Don't worry, it doesn't, it's, it's Mark's brother's, his old dentist." You have to, it's, you're like, "Whatever, dude."

• 1:07:01Speaker 04

  And you've never met them and you'll never see them again, but you do, it's like, the flight attendant thing where you're like, "Oh, but these people are in the crowd and I like, want it to go well for some reason."

• 1:07:09Andrew Santino?

  Right, you wanna make sure you crush, cuz you're like, "They're there, that's Mark's brother's dentist is here."

• 1:07:14Speaker 04

  They'll tell my...

• 1:07:15Andrew Santino?

  I gotta do well in front of that guy.

• 1:07:16Speaker 04

  Isn't that weird?

• 1:07:17Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, cuz one day he might work for Netflix or some shit.

• 1:07:20Speaker 04

  God.

• 1:07:21Andrew Santino?

  We gotta do well by that guy. Also, not Netflix, Hulu. That's where he should work. That's where the specials are, that's where her special is, that's where my special is gonna be eventually at the end of the year. You must go watch it. Yeah, I'm, dude, I'm, I'm taping in one week in Minneapolis, Minnesota, so I'm excited. It is nerve wracking, but also great at the same time. I think people don't understand.

• 1:07:41Speaker 04

  It's gonna be so great.

• 1:07:41Andrew Santino?

  Live comedy is so different than taped comedy. It's just so different. It's, it never transfers in the way that you perfectly want it to, but, you know, you can do it justice, but it's, it's not the same.

• 1:07:52Speaker 04

  You'll never see our best set on tape.

• 1:07:55Andrew Santino?

  Never. Ever, ever, ever, ever, ever in a million years. I don't think you've ever seen anybody's best set on tape. Maybe... Maybe Chappelle.

• 1:08:03Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 1:08:04Andrew Santino?

  Like, maybe Chappelle. Uh, but it's hard. I think some people... Something that was lightning in a bottle for certain comics that were able to tape the right way, but taping is different. And, and it's just super hard. It does something to the room. They're conscious of the cameras. You're, you're conscious of the cameras. Like, it does something to the rhythm of comedy, which is supposed to be this dark dingy dirty secret that we're all in on together. Versus like...

• 1:08:26Speaker 04

  Yes.

• 1:08:30Andrew Santino?

  You know what I mean? Like...

• 1:08:31Speaker 04

  Yes.

• 1:08:31Andrew Santino?

  It's so antithetical to comedy. Yeah, it's, it's hard. But... We're doing it for you!

• 1:08:36Speaker 04

  I know. It's the anti-comedy and it's the thing that we care about the most. It's like the one thing that we're like, "I hope everybody watches this, even though it's nothing really like..."

• 1:08:46Andrew Santino?

  It's not what I really do every week.

• 1:08:48Speaker 04

  Yes, yeah, it's so weird.

• 1:08:49Andrew Santino?

  But you find, you find your way through it as I've gotten older in my career. I think you just start to like love that and understand that that's just a part of it as well. That you're never gonna be...

• 1:08:58Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 1:08:58Andrew Santino?

  And you're never gonna be done. You know, you find when you finish a special, I bet you, you watch it when you're done editing it for the thousandth time. And you're like, "Man, I wish I did this. I know this thing. I like it a little bit different now that I've..." Do you know what I mean?

• 1:09:08Speaker 04

  I, it drives me crazy and I've had to really let that go. There's a great quote that's, um... What is it? It's like, "A painting is never finished. It just stops in interesting places."

• 1:09:18Andrew Santino?

  Mmm.

• 1:09:18Speaker 04

  And I love that. I think that's so true for comedy too, where it's like, that joke could probably, like, every joke you could keep fucking with.

• 1:09:25Andrew Santino?

  Of course.

• 1:09:25Speaker 04

  And finding new tags and taking it a different way. But when you see it on a special, it's like, that's where it was done, for that special.

• 1:09:31Andrew Santino?

  Yeah.

• 1:09:32Speaker 04

  And then, and then the people are like, "Well, I don't wanna come see you live if it's the same one." And you're like, "Nope, don't worry. I, I ran my body and mind into the ground writing a new hour already, so you can watch the special and see me live."

• 1:09:43Andrew Santino?

  Yeah. Don't worry, I broke myself and I've ruined my relationships both personally um, and with myself. I've ruined my relationship with myself. I hate myself a lot and I've written a bunch of new shit that for you to laugh at. Is it gonna be the same bullshit I just saw? No, it's gonna be other bullshit that painstakingly ground, you know, ground my brain into mush. But come see me live!

• 1:10:03Speaker 04

  Come!

• 1:10:04Andrew Santino?

  But come see her live. Go see her live.

• 1:10:06Speaker 04

  I beg of you, come see me live.

• 1:10:08Andrew Santino?

  Is it Kelsey Cook Comedy?

• 1:10:09Speaker 04

  It's just kelseycook.com.

• 1:10:10Andrew Santino?

  Kelseycook.com.

• 1:10:11Speaker 04

  But on social media, it's @KelseyCookComedy.

• 1:10:13Andrew Santino?

  That's why I said that. See, I'm smart. I'm smart to know. But, uh, kelseycook.com. Go see, uh, her, wherever she is on the road. Do not go see her, her boyfriend.

• 1:10:22Speaker 04

  No, go see Chad.

• 1:10:24Andrew Santino?

  I'm kidding, I'm kidding, I'm kidding. Go see both of them, obviously. Uh, but go to Kelsey Cook Comedy. Go watch the special. Enjoy it, share it. We'll post it in the link in the description down below.

• 1:10:33Speaker 04

  Thank you.

• 1:10:33Andrew Santino?

  Uh, for people to watch. I appreciate you coming.

• 1:10:36Speaker 04

  Thank you for having me.

• 1:10:36Andrew Santino?

  Flew by. I love you. You're the best. You're so, and I'm so happy that you, uh, she got out. She made it out. You got out.

• 1:10:43Speaker 04

  To the Arctic tundra.

• 1:10:44Andrew Santino?

  To the Arctic tundra. Uh, go see her live. We end the show the same way. You look into that camera right there. You say one word or one phrase to end the episode. And remember, this is embedded in history for podcasting, so one word or a phrase, make it count. If you want to impart some wisdom, or you just want to say one word, whenever you're ready.

• 1:11:02Speaker 04

  I hate to ask this.

• 1:11:04Speaker 01

  In here, we pour whiskey, whiskey, whiskey, whiskey, whiskey. Oh, that creature in the ginger beard.

• 1:11:12Speaker 05

  It's sturdy and ginger. Like vampires, the ginger gene is a curse.

• 1:11:16Speaker 06

  Gingers are beautiful. You owe me $5 for the whiskey and $75 for the horse. Ginger? Oh, hell no.

• 1:11:23Speaker 02

  This whiskey is excellent. Ginger. I like gingers.