How to Stop Reacting and Start Winning with Difficult People | Ryan Leak

Ryan Leak spent the last day of his twenties at a speaking event where a woman told him his documentary had pulled a young man off the floor of a crack house and back into life, and that single moment changed how he decided to spend the next decade of his career. What makes this conversation surprising is how openly Ryan admits he is still working through his own lies, like the belief that the only value he brings to the world is what people see on a stage or a screen. He talks directly to anyone who has ever burned energy on relationships that were never really friendships, anyone who has reacted to a difficult person and become someone they did not recognize in the process, and anyone who keeps saying yes when everything inside them is asking them to pause. Ryan lays out a practical case for why becoming proactive instead of reactive is the only real solution to handling difficult people, and why the most generous thing you can give someone is not money but a path to make their own. The episode closes with a question every listener deserves to sit with: if you stayed on the exact same path for another decade, would you look back knowing you truly went for it, or would you realize you were playing it safe inside something that felt comfortable? The Greatness Playbook: The Self-Trust Edition Ryan's Website Ryan’s books: How to Work with Complicated People: Strategies for Effective Collaboration with (Nearly) Anyone How to Work with Complicated People: A Survival Guide Leveling Up: 12 Questions to Elevate Your Personal and Professional Development UnOffendable Chasing Failure: How Falling Short Sets You Up for Success In this episode you will: Discover why reacting to difficult people is the one habit guaranteed to turn you into someone you do not want to be, and what to do instead Learn how to identify the difference between a good opportunity and the right one, using a simple prayer practice that cuts through the noise Uncover the lies you have been telling yourself about your potential and why the story that starts with "I can't" is the one costing you the most Recognize which relationships in your life are real friendships and which ones are draining you with the illusion of closeness Understand why generosity at its highest level has nothing to do with money and everything to do with putting people in a position to grow For more information go to https://lewishowes.com/1920 For more Greatness text PODCAST to +1 (614) 350-3960 Follow The Daily Motivation for essential highlights from The School of Greatness More SOG episodes we think you’ll love: Lewis Howes Solo [STOP Letting People Walk All Over You] Pastor Sarah Jakes Roberts Tabitha Brown Get more from Lewis! Get my New York Times Bestselling book, Make Money Easy! Get The Greatness Mindset audiobook on SpotifyText Lewis AIYouTubeInstagramWebsiteTiktokFacebookX Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

Speaker names marked ? are inferred from speaking time and the show’s known hosts — they are not voice-verified.

• 0:00Speaker 00

  I have this mantra of like, don't match the energy, set the standard. My expectations for other people, it's not that they're low, but they're realistic. I expect humanity from others. If I give to you and you take advantage of me, I don't know that you took advantage because I gave it. And once I give it, I truly give it. Some people give with strings attached. I give and now you owe me. Well, then that's not a gift, that's a loan.

• 0:22Lewis Howes?

  Bestselling author, a transformational speaker, and one of the most in-demand leadership consultants on the planet. We have the inspiring Ryan Leach in the house.

• 0:31Speaker 00

  Scripture talks about not letting the left hand know what the right hand's doing when it comes to generosity. There was eight levels of generosity.

• 0:38Lewis Howes?

  Really?

• 0:38Speaker 00

  Each level has a different level of ego attached to it. Sometimes you can give with a smile on your face, but you don't give enough. You need a hundred, I go, hey, here's fifty. But I smile, I got you. The highest level of generosity is actually not giving them money. It's putting them in a position to make money themselves. It is not giving them fish, it's teaching them how to fish.

• 0:59Lewis Howes?

  How do you know if someone in your life aren't willing to learn how to fish for themselves? And they're always coming back for more?

• 1:06Speaker 00

  You know, for me, I'm always...

• 1:12Lewis Howes?

  You grew up speaking in the church because everything I see you do online is like, perfect. Like you have no mistakes, you're polished, you're put together, and you sound like a preacher on stage, communicating to leaders. And I'm curious, did the church ever let you down in your process of growing up? That made you realize you had to learn something different than outside of the church?

• 1:38Speaker 00

  Yeah, that's a good question. You know, the church was interesting. So I grew up in the African Methodist Episcopal Church, which basically means it was a black church. If you don't know what that means, like, nobody knows what that means. And so my dad had a stroke when I was in the fifth grade. So he actually lost his church, like, early on in life. Now, I was going to this private school that was connected to this predominantly large white church. So I went from all-black church to all-white church. In like a weekend and my parents were like, just, you know, go to, go to church with your friends. And so, man, my, my story would probably be the opposite. Like the church showed up for my family in a way that I'll never forget.

• 2:17Lewis Howes?

  Not your church, though.

• 2:18Speaker 00

  No.

• 2:18Lewis Howes?

  A different church.

• 2:19Speaker 00

  Just the church.

• 2:20Lewis Howes?

  Okay.

• 2:21Speaker 00

  In fact, here's, here's the coolest part. I've never told this story to anybody. When my dad had a stroke in Rockford, Illinois, the pastor from another church was the first one at the hospital.

• 2:32Lewis Howes?

  Really?

• 2:33Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 2:34Lewis Howes?

  Not his own church?

• 2:35Speaker 00

  No. I don't remember anybody from his own church showing up. Maybe they did.

• 2:41Lewis Howes?

  Right, right, right.

• 2:41Speaker 00

  But it was a guy by the name of Sam Mayo who showed up at that hospital. Interestingly enough, my dad had a stroke when I was in the fifth grade. Then he had another stroke 18 years later in Atlanta. It just so happened that the same guy, Sam Mayo, was also in Atlanta. I fly from Dallas and as I am walking into the hospital, so is Sam Mayo.

• 3:04Lewis Howes?

  Come on.

• 3:04Speaker 00

  18 years later. So my experience with the church has been one that isn't confined to the building. I saw people show up, the power of presence being, being there. And so that inspired me as a kid. I, I, I saw what it looked like to be the church, not go to church. So I wasn't big on like, hey, did you go to church for Easter? Did you, did, did you check the box of church attendance? But man, have you shown up for the people in your world? Like, I think church starts on Monday. That, that, that has always been, been my mindset. And so when watching my dad impact people's lives on a Sunday,

• 3:47Speaker 00

  I would always think, what if we could do this on a Monday? What if we could do this on a Tuesday? What if we could do this on a Wednesday? And so I've always had this like heart for church, but I've always had a mind for business. And so that's where my communication style kind of had a little bit of a mix of both, of being able to garner people's attention. But at the same time, give them something that's actually going to add value to the way that they lead, live, motivate them, write books, content on the internet. I'm always, I've, I've always got that interesting dichotomy going on in my brain and how we create content.

• 4:22Lewis Howes?

  Something you talk about a lot of your content, which is really, I think, how to be a more effective communicator and a more effective leader. And really understanding. Human dynamics, which I love that you talk about. I'm curious, what do you think is the first sign that you're living for someone else instead of yourself? Or your higher purpose?

• 4:39Speaker 00

  And I like to say often, God has a plan for your life and so do other people.

• 4:45Lewis Howes?

  It's true. Which one are you gonna choose?

• 4:47Speaker 00

  Every day, you're gonna have to make that decision because people will always be pulling you towards their preferences to make them more comfortable with your life. And you're gonna have to make a decision about who you're gonna follow. What's going to be your north star? What's going to be the thing that helps you make decisions about your life? And you can do it by what other people think about you? That is something that holds people back a lot. What are they going to think about me? But I'm more like, I'm more concerned with what do you think about you? Like if you don't have a solid view of yourself and where you're going,

• 5:29Speaker 00

  you will veer to the left or to the right, just depending on who you're hanging out with, depending on who left a comment on the post, depending on the coworker that emailed you. Like you're, you're going to surrender the direction of your life to all of these different directions. You can wake up very confused and probably very sad. So I'm very much like, hey, God's got a plan for your life. And I wouldn't surrender to anybody else's plan.

• 5:56Lewis Howes?

  But how do you know what that plan is? Did you feel like you were distracted by other people's opinions growing up? Like, how did you come to that conclusion?

• 6:04Speaker 00

  Man, I would, I would say it's a daily battle for me. You know, people, well-meaning people, family members, good friends. Hey man, you know what you need to do is? Hey man, you know what you should do? Oh dude, I gotta, I gotta introduce you to this person. I gotta. And you're like, yeah, I mean, I get what you're trying to do. But they can become what I would consider divine distractions. Like they, they seem good, but that doesn't mean that they are God. And separating the good from the God can be very, very difficult. So I don't think I've ever arrived at that. I think every day I'm going, and I've, I've got to.

• 6:48Speaker 00

  Lay this down and like I've got to surrender my business and my life and my parenting and my marriage to God every every single day. So I had a buddy call me the other day. He's like, hey, all right. So have you thought about a Netflix documentary? And I went, I mean, have I ever thought about it? Sure. But

• 7:08Speaker 00

  I don't think that's what I'm supposed to do right now. What is that? I would say it's a holy pause. Is what I would tell my kids it is like whenever you're trying to figure out a decision for there to be a holy pause to go.

• 7:23Speaker 00

  Lord, is that what I'm supposed to be doing right now? And I think that sensitivity, that slowness to be able to seek God and everything that you do to go. Am I supposed to say yes to this? It looks good. It sounds good, but does that mean that it's God? Hmm. How do you know? I, I, I have a simple prayer. Lord, give me peace or pause. Lord, give me peace or pause. Have I gotten it wrong? Have I made the wrong decision before?

• 7:53Speaker 00

  Of course. But I'm always going to try to say, Lord, I, I hope you see that my heart's in the right place and that I want to do the right thing. So Lord, would you give me, would you give me peace or pause? I don't think that you're always going to know. But I do think you can always try to get it right. It just, you, you think about marriage. It's like, I'm not always going to say the right thing, but like, hey, you know, I love you. You know, I'm trying to get it right. And I think that that is, that's more important than actually like trying to be perfect. Trying to go, man, am I, am I always making the right decision? No, I'm trying to always make the right decision. And I think in the process, though you can live with that.

• 8:38Speaker 00

  Yeah. You know, you can live with the failures on that of just going, hey, I was, I'm, I'm trying to get it right. But when I get it wrong, be willing to raise your hand and say, hey, I, I missed the mark on this one. I should have said no. And I said yes and, or I should have said yes and I had said no, but I think you're just always trying to. Trying to read the situation.

• 8:58Lewis Howes?

  So when you have an opportunity in front of you or a business idea or a partnership or a gig that someone wants you to do, is that kind of what you do internally? You say, give me peace in saying yes to this or give me pause if I'm not supposed to do this? Or is that, how does that work internally?

• 9:16Speaker 00

  It's Lord, give me peace or pause about this opportunity. And then I'm looking at the calendar. You and I were talking about this beforehand.

• 9:25Lewis Howes?

  Kids and.

• 9:26Speaker 00

  All of it, you know, it's, I get booked a year and a half in advance. My kid's basketball schedule comes out a week before the first team.

• 9:35Lewis Howes?

  Good luck.

• 9:36Speaker 00

  And so it's like, he's like, are you gonna be in my game next Friday? I'm like, you mean, I, I don't know. Like it's, it is a, like I've got to look at all of your games that just came out and then match that with, with the schedule. And so it's not like it's high school football where you're like, oh, it's every Friday night or whatever. So, so that, that, that definitely goes, goes into it. Then it's, it's also looking at where it's at, you know? We've talked about, you know, do I gotta go overseas? Do I, you know, how long is the flight? How long am I going to be gone? Uh, my wife and I are going to Hawaii in a couple of weeks because I'm speaking out there. Well, then somebody else said, hey, can you come back to Hawaii two weeks later and speak for this other group?

• 10:20Speaker 00

  And I went, that's an eight hour flight. You know, it's long. It's like, I never thought in my life.

• 10:27Lewis Howes?

  Say no.

• 10:29Speaker 00

  If you would have told me even four years ago, there will come a day where someone will want to pay you money to come to Hawaii, not just go, pay you money to go. And you'd be like, no, I'm just, I'm, it's like, what planet are we on? But it's like, I don't, I did, I don't have a piece about going to Hawaii twice and being away from the kids. And so there, there's a lot of things that, that factor into it. So it's a, it's a great problem to have to be in demand, which you're grateful for. But every opportunity that hits my inbox, it, it's deeper, it's deeper than, than most people would think.

• 11:03Lewis Howes?

  How do you learn to say no when abundance? Is flowing your way when oh, I've been busting my butt for ten fifteen years in this speaker journey on this business journey on building my name to be known enough to have these opportunities. To create a living for myself and I wasn't always making this money.

• 11:22Speaker 00

  Yes.

• 11:22Lewis Howes?

  You know, I was maybe I was speaking for free when I was younger and maybe I, you know, I had to really put the reps in.

• 11:27Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 11:27Lewis Howes?

  And now I'm saying no to abundance. How do you feel and navigate that? Knowing how to say no to abundance to create a bigger or deeper abundance as well?

• 11:40Speaker 00

  It is a daily battle, daily, but when I tell people that I truly trust God with our business. They it it would blow their mind. So we measure our business by how much we give, not by how much we make.

• 11:56Lewis Howes?

  So to the church or the charities or to whatever.

• 11:59Speaker 00

  Everywhere.

• 12:00Lewis Howes?

  Really?

• 12:00Speaker 00

  So we have a donor advisory fund. I'm sure you you might be familiar with it.

• 12:06Speaker 00

  So we we stack the decks on our death. And we try to give away as much as we possibly can. Every single year. So we have a giving goal. And so that giving goal goes up drastically every single year.

• 12:21Lewis Howes?

  Wow.

• 12:21Speaker 00

  So I have mentors, my very first boss. His wife, they decided they were going to give away her entire salary for a year and just give it away to missions organizations. Uh, my second mentor, he lives off of forty nine percent of their income. Doesn't matter what it is. They've had years where that was multiple million. They've had years where it was bad and maybe it was only six hundred grand. No matter what the number is, they live off of forty nine percent. And I have another mentor who lives here. He lives off of nine percent of his income and gives.

• 12:56Lewis Howes?

  He's making money. He's making.

• 12:58Speaker 00

  Well, you'd be you'd be surprised. He was giving away sixty three percent of his income before he was a bestselling author. And just started raking it in at another but but most people think, well, you can do that now. It's just like, no, no, no, I I was doing that when it was hard. And it might look easy now, but it's not. So so for us, it's it's not necessarily an exact percentage. It's a lot.

• 13:25Lewis Howes?

  But you have a call every year like we did this this last year.

• 13:27Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 13:28Lewis Howes?

  What would it take to be able to give this much?

• 13:30Speaker 00

  I I cannot tell you. I've got a private group chat.

• 13:35Speaker 00

  Where they're kinda in like a little mini mastermind with me. And they say, okay, so what's the secret sauce for Ryan Lee? Where in your mastermind?

• 13:45Lewis Howes?

  Give more.

• 13:46Speaker 00

  They're like, no, no, no, but give me, give me the marketing tips.

• 13:50Speaker 00

  Give more. So like, but, but like, come on, social media. I'm like, yeah, like it's all about giving, giving value. Give like, we talked about like your event before this. It's just like, the event wasn't making money because it was, it was just tons of giving value. And so that heart of generosity isn't like pat on the back. The heart of generosity makes me show up to an event to go, hey, how, how can I serve you guys?

• 14:17Lewis Howes?

  Yeah.

• 14:17Speaker 00

  I'm not just here because you paid me. I'm here because I'm here to add value. So this is your event. It's not Ryan's event. This is, this is Capital One's event. This is whoever's event. Like, I'm here to serve you. And so, hey, what can my team do for your leaders? Hey, we're gonna create a post-event playbook for every single leader. Well, how much is that? It's free. You already paid me. Like, you're just gonna give it away? It's like, yeah, well, that's, that's, that's what we're, that's what we're trying to do. So generosity permeates everything that, that we do. So you'd be surprised how many times we have, I mean, as of yesterday.

• 15:00Speaker 00

  And I, and I, again, I'm not like a prosperity gospel person. But I have every single time that we have given big. We do not give to get. But every single time we've given big, I get like four or five contracts in my email. Like nearly within 24 hours.

• 15:22Lewis Howes?

  Related to the people that are around the giving? Or just somehow it comes to you?

• 15:26Speaker 00

  It has nothing to do with anything.

• 15:29Lewis Howes?

  Wow.

• 15:29Speaker 00

  Nothing. I mean, I, without giving numbers, I could, I could, I could show you screenshots on my phone that would absolutely blow your mind. So because of that, when people go, man, it's like, man, the last two years, man, your stuff is like taking off. I'm like, our giving is taking off. It's not what, again, like, did we get better at shooting video? Yes.

• 15:53Lewis Howes?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 15:54Speaker 00

  Did we do, did we do some of those things?

• 15:56Lewis Howes?

  Put the reps in and all these, yeah.

• 15:57Speaker 00

  But man, I,

• 16:00Speaker 00

  So many things are outside of my control. And so part of like this idea of abundance of our giving has drastically gone up and so has our income.

• 16:11Lewis Howes?

  Do you think if you weren't giving?

• 16:15Lewis Howes?

  Let's say you were giving whatever, a few percent a year. You know, you were generous here and there, you know, 20 bucks at church, whatever, you know, you're giving something every time, but you're not giving at a next level. Do you think you'd be making as much as you are right now? If you could put in the same reps, the same energy, same effort, same talent, same charisma, same dedication to mastering your craft and showing up and being a great leader. But you weren't financially giving to the levels you're giving. Would you be earning as much?

• 16:45Speaker 00

  I don't think so. Personally, I don't think so. I think I would be doing fine. I think I would be doing okay. I wouldn't say it's this way or the highway. I would, I wouldn't take it that far. I mean, I, we know plenty of people who are making great money who aren't giving. So but for us, for the things that have come our way, I could, I could show you 50 emails that you would go, no way. There's, that makes no sense. There's, there's, there's no way that you gave that on Tuesday and on Wednesday, this person caught like, and that has nothing. The amount of times it's happened, it's comical. Like we have an entire group chat that they go, again? Again?

• 17:30Speaker 00

  How? That's insane. It's like, it's, it's kind of insane, but it's, when I say I trust God, dude, I really do. Like it's, it's not something that it's your cute phrase or a verse that you just put on your refrigerator. For us, I don't know any other way to build a business. Personally, other people do have done great, built great businesses, not trusting God. It's fine. For me, I know for a fact I would not be where I'm at without, without trusting God with our business completely.

• 18:02Lewis Howes?

  How do you trust in God when people disappoint you?

• 18:05Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 18:06Lewis Howes?

  People let you down. People take advantage of your generosity. They know you're a big giver. Hey, let's find a way for Ryan to give us some money, but then we don't follow through on our promises. We take advantage. We do some things that maybe we're out of alignment. How do you navigate that in your heart?

• 18:25Speaker 00

  Mel Robbins, let them. I mean, like, like for me, I, I, I have this mantra of like, don't match the energy, set the standard. My expectations for other people. It's not that they're low, but they're realistic. I expect humanity from others.

• 18:45Lewis Howes?

  So do you get let down when people show you who they are? Or they don't match your energy or your standard?

• 18:52Speaker 00

  No.

• 18:52Lewis Howes?

  Really? You don't get let down?

• 18:53Speaker 00

  Part of it is, is, you know. So had this book come out last year. And the pub date got moved, I think.

• 19:05Speaker 00

  Six times. Okay. Each time the team would be like, you mad? I'd say, no, I was expecting it. What do you mean you were expecting it? I said. Well, I just looking at all of the moving parts of what's happening with this book. It doesn't seem like it's going to be ready by the date. And so I set an expectation that. It's probably going to come out six months later than what I had originally intended. Exactly eight months. So when the publisher and the editors and, hey, Ryan, sorry, we got a delay. I, I know this is upsetting. I'm like.

• 19:41Lewis Howes?

  I'm okay.

• 19:42Speaker 00

  It's, it's actually not upsetting. Well, you're not upset like. It's not that I'm impervious to getting angry. Trust me, I get angry. Ask my son. But. It's, it's one of those things where you just kind of go. At the end of my life, I will be held accountable for my part. I won't be held accountable for your part. And so. If I give to you and you take advantage of me.

• 20:05Speaker 00

  I don't know that you took advantage because I gave it. And once I give it, I truly give it. Some people give with strings attached. I give and now you owe me. Well, then that's not a gift. That's a loan. Giving is saying it's yours.

• 20:20Speaker 00

  Whatever it is that you want to do with this.

• 20:22Lewis Howes?

  What if someone is yours? Then speaks badly about you, talks nasty behind your back, lets you down, breaks their promises and you've given them a big amount of money, time, energy, resources, you've shown up for them and then they treat you this way. How do you? That doesn't make you angry at all? There's gotta be a little bit of like, man, I really showed up for this person.

• 20:44Speaker 00

  That's a good question.

• 20:45Lewis Howes?

  I just gave him a hundred grand for free and now they just ran all over me and it's,

• 20:49Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 20:50Lewis Howes?

  There's gotta be some anger inside of you.

• 20:52Speaker 00

  Yeah, you know.

• 20:53Lewis Howes?

  Or you're just like, and when that happens, it's like, I'll just keep giving to them. Do you have boundaries?

• 20:59Speaker 00

  Oh, yeah, yeah. You're not, you're not gonna keep getting, getting, getting a check now.

• 21:02Lewis Howes?

  Okay.

• 21:02Speaker 00

  Yeah, yeah, yeah. So there, there is a, you know, part of it is there, there was somebody we gave to who we, you know, we found out was a fraud.

• 21:15Lewis Howes?

  Okay, like you got, you got duped or you got, you know.

• 21:17Speaker 00

  I wouldn't say I got duped, but I would say they, they certainly are not the person people think that they are. And, and we, we found out in some very interesting ways that this person was not who they said that they were. This person does not know that I know that they are not who they say.

• 21:32Lewis Howes?

  Still today.

• 21:33Speaker 00

  To this day. Yeah, they could be watching this.

• 21:36Lewis Howes?

  And think they're the best in the world.

• 21:37Speaker 00

  That's my guy.

• 21:39Lewis Howes?

  Great job, man. I'm thinking about you.

• 21:42Speaker 00

  Watch yourself. But at the same time, it's like, hey, I, I'm sad for you, man. I'm really, really sad for you. You will not get another dollar from us. But

• 21:56Speaker 00

  I am, I'm sad that you can't be who you really are. So I'm, I'm not mad at you. I'm sad for you. And so for me, it doesn't, it doesn't deter me from wanting to give more and more and more to other people.

• 22:11Lewis Howes?

  Really?

• 22:12Speaker 00

  No, I, I, again, at the end of the day, I'm, I'm going to be held accountable for how God trusted me with his resources. And so if somebody else. I did what I felt like I was supposed to do. My wife and I talk about this all the time. I'm like, hey, is there somebody we're supposed to give to? If it's through our staff, great. If it's a person, great. Hey, if it's a friend, hey, great. We try to be what we would call obedient to God in it. And if we're obedient to God in it, what that other person does.

• 22:46Lewis Howes?

  It's up to them, huh?

• 22:49Speaker 00

  I have so much on my plate. If I'm sitting around thinking about what this.

• 22:58Speaker 00

  It's like, no, I'm gonna be distracted from the room that I'm actually in. Cause I'm thinking about this other person. And so I wouldn't say it's not that I don't get angry when I think about that person. Or, or that. Transaction, if you will, but again, I. I have been on the receiving end of people who gave with strings attached. And I'm like, you didn't, then you didn't give it.

• 23:24Lewis Howes?

  Unless it was like, okay, there's a, I'm gonna deliver something, you're gonna, it's a business deal. I'm gonna speak on stage and you're giving me a check to deliver a service because we have an agreement. That's different.

• 23:35Speaker 00

  Totally.

• 23:35Lewis Howes?

  This is not, hey, I'm just gonna give you five grand to help you out. But then later, oh, you want me to, you know, or something else.

• 23:42Speaker 00

  You know, something happens to you, like, hey, Ryan, I need to borrow a hundred grand. I say, hey, man, I'm gonna give you a hundred grand. If I bring that up over dinner two years later, then I didn't give it. It's not even like.

• 23:55Lewis Howes?

  Unless there was an agreement, you're gonna pay this back.

• 23:57Speaker 00

  There's something.

• 23:58Lewis Howes?

  There has to be an agreement.

• 23:59Speaker 00

  But I just, the giving, I grew up around some generous people.

• 24:03Lewis Howes?

  What does that, what's this generous means?

• 24:06Speaker 00

  They were generous, but they always brought it up. They always hung it over my head. I always buy dinner. Well, then stop buying dinner.

• 24:17Lewis Howes?

  Right.

• 24:18Speaker 00

  It's like, if you're, if you're going to bring it up, then it's not, it's not generous anymore. Does that make sense? There is a string attached. And so for my wife and I, when we give, we really try to like walk away.

• 24:32Speaker 00

  It's yours. And now I'm not like watching you. It's like, no, it's if if God told us to give it, then we have to let let it go. And so I I just, I never want to give and be looking over somebody's shoulder.

• 24:50Lewis Howes?

  How do you know when to give or who to give to?

• 24:53Speaker 00

  Yeah. So for us, we we have several and and being a speaker is kind of nice because you get to meet so many different kinds of people doing all sorts of of different things. And you know, if it's a cause, you know, there's somebody on our team. She helps raise money for single moms. And I was like, that's so awesome. And she had just joined our team. And so I just, I looked at my wife, I say, I said, Hey, what do you what do you think about this organ? Hey, could you send me the website? We send the website and we just we just give scripture talks about not letting the left hand know what the right hand is doing when it comes to generosity. Like, the the more you're involved in it, the the

• 25:36Speaker 00

  the more your ego can get involved. In fact, in Jewish culture, we're getting deep into generosity. There was eight levels of generosity.

• 25:42Lewis Howes?

  Really?

• 25:43Speaker 00

  Yeah, eight levels. The first level was where you um you give, but you give with a grudge.

• 25:51Lewis Howes?

  Big grudgingly.

• 25:53Speaker 00

  Yeah, I mean, yeah, you have it. Yeah.

• 25:55Lewis Howes?

  Frustrated.

• 25:55Speaker 00

  Yeah, but it goes all the way to um each level has a different level of ego attached to it. Sometimes you can give with a smile on your face, but you don't give enough. You need a hundred. I go, Hey, here's fifty. But I smile, I got you. Um, but then um, there were actually like rabbis that would walk around towns and they would keep coins on the back of their robes. So people would act the poor could actually grab money off of their robes, but they didn't actually know who it was. They kept moving.

• 26:24Lewis Howes?

  Wow, interesting.

• 26:25Speaker 00

  And then there were other times, different levels of generosity, where they would actually put coins in poor people's like mailboxes back then, if you will. So they knew who the receiver was, but the receiver didn't know.

• 26:35Lewis Howes?

  Interesting.

• 26:36Speaker 00

  So you don't know that it's me. Then there's like anonymous giving. It's like, you know, so we like to do anonymous giving where our friends get support is like, man, you won't believe what happened. I'm like, I do believe what happened, you know, but it's like, the more you're involved, the more ego that is there. The highest level of generosity is actually not giving them money. It's putting them in a position to make money themselves. That's the highest level of generosity is not giving them fish. It's teaching them how to fish.

• 27:07Lewis Howes?

  Sometimes people don't want to learn how to fish.

• 27:09Speaker 00

  No.

• 27:09Lewis Howes?

  They say they want to, but really the work and time and energy that takes to invest in generating fish, generating money.

• 27:16Speaker 00

  Totally.

• 27:17Lewis Howes?

  They want the easy relief now.

• 27:19Speaker 00

  Yes.

• 27:20Lewis Howes?

  That's the hard thing, though. It's like, how do you know if someone in your life or people aren't willing to learn how to fish for themselves? And they're always coming back for more. How do you navigate that?

• 27:33Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 27:33Lewis Howes?

  From being an enabler to someone who's empowering.

• 27:37Speaker 00

  Totally. You know, for me, I'm always, I mean, again, it goes back to peace or pause. There's people that we've given to on one month and then the next month they ask, we just say, hey, no, not this time. And that's just, that's just peace or pause for us. Sometimes I'll tell a friend, um, you don't need my money, you need my mind. If I gave you an hour of my time, the money you're asking for, you're asking the wrong question to the wrong person. If you have somebody like my's phone number in attention, you should be asking me for thirty minutes. Not, does that make?

• 28:14Lewis Howes?

  But that goes back to them, they may, they, even if they took it, they may not act on it. You know what I mean? They may not act on the wisdom. They have to be ready for that, you know, they have to want it and seek it out.

• 28:24Speaker 00

  That's what my friend calls an asshole. An asshole is somebody that asks the same questions over and over again.

• 28:31Lewis Howes?

  Doesn't.

• 28:32Speaker 00

  But doesn't do it. Yeah. I got some assholes in my life, for sure. But man, I just, I think where my, my, my posture towards humanity and other people, the chill nature of that, I think comes from the fact that, and so many people in my life,

• 28:52Speaker 00

  gave me a shot when they shouldn't have.

• 28:55Lewis Howes?

  Ew.

• 28:56Speaker 00

  They gave me a pass. And so it's it's it's hard for me to hold people to the letter of the law. It's not it's not that I don't get mad or I don't get bothered. It's just that I know that there was somebody that should have been mad at me and wasn't. And talked to me in a tone that was respectful. And showed me a lot of grace. So it's it's hard for me to hold people to the letter of the law. When I've been given so much that I could just I could go on forever telling you stories about like when my dad had a stroke. I was at that private school. We were getting ready to leave that private school because we couldn't afford to be there anymore.

• 29:36Speaker 00

  And there was a freshman English teacher named Mrs. Holstead who came to my mom and she says, hey, me and my husband see your boy's potential. We'll pay for that too. Wow. So again, it's like they didn't know me. They they're just they're just rolling the dice and. And I had to talk to Mrs. Holstead about a month ago. Unbelievable. Unbelievable conversation. What happened? Well, because she's just, I said, hey, I don't know if you know this, but I talk about you a lot in corporate America slash all over the world, you know? She said, you did? I'm like, yeah, you I'm thinking you should be a little bit more excited that I'm like, you know, telling the story about you. And she's like, yeah, you know, Ryan, that was just me being faithful to what God asked me. Wow. Like it's not like a show for.

• 30:21Speaker 00

  And I said, where does where does your spirit of generosity come from? She said, in this world, there are givers and takers. My mom was a taker and my dad was a giver. And she said, I love my mom, but I wanted to be like my dad.

• 30:39Speaker 00

  And so not super wealthy, but very, very generous. And there's a massive difference. So so, man, I I could that I could go on and on of so many people in my life that just.

• 30:54Speaker 00

  Helped me stay in college. I didn't have a scholarship at a D three year school. No scholarship coming in, man. Yeah, so it's so so many people helped me out along the journey when.

• 31:06Speaker 00

  I wasn't who I am today. You know, they were just looking at potential and so sometimes I want to hold people to the letter of the law and go, why won't you just get your act together? Why won't you just listen to me? Why won't you just take my advice? If you would just listen to me, your life would be so much better. But it's like, dude, I've been hard headed. I've not listened before. I've received advice that I didn't practice and and yet people didn't cut me off. They stayed in relationship with me and so so for me, I wouldn't say it's easy, but when you've been given a lot of grace, it's hard to withhold it from other people.

• 31:42Lewis Howes?

  But there's a lot of difficult people out there. There's a lot of difficult people out there and you talk about this in your book.

• 31:47Speaker 00

  So many.

• 31:47Lewis Howes?

  And I'm curious, um, I think most people aren't clear on what they're supposed to do with difficult people. Maybe they've tried a lot of different strategies.

• 31:55Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 31:56Lewis Howes?

  Then maybe they've tried to avoid them or confront them or just power through. But what are people actually doing wrong when dealing with difficult people?

• 32:03Speaker 00

  Well, number one, I think people are reacting to difficult people. All of us are at our worst when we're reacting. Every single one of us. I don't know one great reactor. I don't know anybody that's like, you know what? I'm really good when I'm reacting. Like who has good reacting skills? Who's writing a book on how to react well? It's like you know, you're reacting and so if you're reacting, you're never going to be the kind of person you actually want to be. And so what we talk about in, in books and in seminars and in keynotes is like you've got to be a proactive person, which means you have to prepare for difficult people ahead of time. What's funny about people that are navigating difficult individuals is they're always surprised by them. Always.

• 32:47Speaker 00

  In fact, in our research, we kept hearing this phrase over and over again. I can't believe. I, can you believe they said this? Can you believe they left this comment? Can you believe they hit reply all? Can you believe that they would say that in front of my boss? Can you believe that they would bring up my past? Can you believe that they ghosted me? I can't believe, I can't believe, I can't believe. And we're like, I actually think you should believe them. Like you've known this person for a very, very long time and you're letting this person catch you off guard and you're reacting. Be proactive. Proactive means you're going. All right, if I've known this person for a long time, history tells me that Mondays, they could act a fool. Yes. And and historically, my plan has been when they act a fool, I act foolish-er.

• 33:31Speaker 00

  Okay, I act more of a fool. You know, it's like, so I'm gonna match act a fool for act a fool. It's like, well, that's not a good plan. And so, so if you know this person has act a fool potential on a Monday morning, why don't you on Monday morning go? You know what? What if, what if I prepared for act a fool? What if I? What if I called act a fool on the way to work and said, hey, can I get you a cup of coffee? Well, what do you mean? Hey, I'm, I'm, I'm pulling a Starbucks guy. Can I get you a cup of coffee? I knew you were gonna have an attitude, but I'm, I'm prepared for it. But I'm not going to let your bad attitude create a bad attitude in me. In the process of working with people

• 34:15Speaker 00

  that we don't like, we can become people we don't like. And that, that's, that's what this book is all about. Yeah. It, it's about going. Everybody wants me to come in and go, so can you fix them for me? I'm like, yeah, but I can't work on them until we talk about us. Like, because this is what you can actually control. So if I can prepare for complicated people, if I can prepare for difficult people, well, my energy is different walking in the room because I'm actually expecting it. So a lot of it comes down to expectations and that are often unspoken. I, I would, I don't know what the data is, but I would say most of our expectations are unspoken. It's for humanity around us.

• 34:57Speaker 00

  And when somebody doesn't live up to the expectations that we have internally. That we think others are gonna be like us. Right? Which. Most people aren't. They aren't. And which would be a terrible world if everybody else is just like us. But that's what most people's plan is, though. Like, whenever they get a difficult person, they go, if I could just change them. Uh huh. Especially in marriage. Just go, if I could just get in there and change it. It's like, yeah, but that quietly communicates to the world around us that the world would be a better place if everybody else was just like us. That's just not true. So if that's the case, then I think we have to be the kinds of people who step back and just go. All right. How can I prepare for this?

• 35:40Speaker 00

  Knowing that this person is coming, knowing that this person is coming over for Thanksgiving, knowing that I'm gonna be in a meeting with them on a Tuesday, knowing that I'm gonna see them on Friday night, knowing that they're gonna try and sit next to me at my kid's soccer game. It's like, we just act so surprised. And so we just try to help people to go, stop being surprised. They're coming. They have packed their bags. It's on a flight. It's coming. The question is, how are you gonna show up when they do? Don't react. Be proactive.

• 36:06Lewis Howes?

  But what if you can't? You don't, you weren't expecting it. Let's say you weren't proactive. You didn't know they were gonna show up and they showed up unexpectedly. You know, it's some new person that shows up that you weren't even aware of, and they show up in a way that's causing chaos in your inner world or your environment. How do you prepare for the unexpected?

• 36:27Speaker 00

  Some people will literally trigger your nervous system. It's a thing.

• 36:30Lewis Howes?

  Yes. Do you get triggered?

• 36:32Speaker 00

  Yes.

• 36:32Lewis Howes?

  Your nervous system get triggered?

• 36:34Speaker 00

  I mean, I don't know if I would go that deep, but it could.

• 36:37Lewis Howes?

  You seem like a pretty relaxed, calm guy.

• 36:39Speaker 00

  For the most part, for the most part.

• 36:41Lewis Howes?

  But how do you handle it when your nervous system gets triggered then?

• 36:44Speaker 00

  Literally, I have to have a conversation with God internally to go, okay, I know I want to react right now. But let me try to think about what's going on with this person that I cannot see. So I believe that every difficult person that you deal with has a difficult behind the scenes that they've not told you about. And if you could see that, you would understand the behavior and the words that are coming out of their mouth that most of the time don't have anything to do with you at all. And so if my kid has an outburst, if a colleague is saying something just wild, I have to go.

• 37:35Speaker 00

  Hey, are you okay? Yeah.

• 37:39Speaker 00

  Hey, what?

• 37:41Speaker 00

  Something feels off. And then I try to move towards the mass and have a real conversation and say, hey, there's a because we can talk about what you just said, but I think I think we would be missing the forest for the trees if we went there. So it seems like there's something underneath the surface that's happening here. Can we talk? Can we? Can we dial it down just a little bit? Part of it is being the adult in the room. Also, when I say expect complicated, I also have a job where I go to a place every couple of days where the angriest people in the world go every single day. The airport, okay, listen, people be mad all the time, like,

• 38:25Speaker 00

  and they be getting mad at stuff that's completely outside of their control. They're mad at the airlines, they're mad at gate agents, they're mad at TSA. I have just, I just started going, you know what? There could be delays.

• 38:36Speaker 00

  And if there is, well, then I guess I'm just gonna have a good day at the airport. Yeah. It's I've made up my mind. I call it pre-decisions. I think you need to make good decisions. I think you need to make better pre-decisions. Pre-decision is saying, hey, I've already decided what kind of week I'm gonna have. I've already decided what kind of day I'm gonna have. I've already decided how I'm gonna show up to that meeting. I've already decided how I'm gonna show up to that lunch. I have, that decision is already made. I have already made a decision to forgive people in the future who have yet to hurt me. Wow. I've already made that decision. So that when it comes, I'm not like, huh, well, what should I do? Uh, not sure.

• 39:18Speaker 00

  It's like, no, I already made this decision that I'm gonna be a forgiving person. Already made that decision. And so if I've already made that decision, you could say something crazy today and I, and it doesn't mean it doesn't hurt my feelings. But I've already made a decision that says, you know what?

• 39:35Speaker 00

  I don't know everything that's going on in Louis's day. But perhaps something happened to him that would make him say something to me and I can't see it all. And all I know is this is if I said something crazy to Louis, what would I want him to do for me? I want him to forgive. So in light of that, I'm gonna let it go. And the other alternative is this, I can get angry, hold on to bitterness and carry that to the airport. Why would I do that? If I have a choice, which I believe people have choices. It's I'm always like, man, they're like, choose joy. What do you mean choose joy? I'm like, okay, you tell me your choice. Choose bitterness? Choose anger?

• 40:16Speaker 00

  You want to like, if we if we get to make choices and peace is on the table, joy is on the table. I'm grabbing peace. What are you gonna grab? And so, but it is, it's I've I've made a decision about my future. And so it it allows me to enter into spaces that can be toxic, that could be chaotic. And I don't have to become chaotic in the midst of chaos. I've made a decision. I can't tell you how many times an event planner is freaking out. Oh, my gosh.

• 40:50Speaker 00

  Hey, how are you?

• 40:52Speaker 00

  She's like, you just have such a calming presence. I go, I know, but I've been expecting you all month. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I knew you were coming. So I pre decided that I wasn't gonna freak out with you. Cause I knew you were gonna freak out. So somewhere in your world, you you can't always get it perfect. But again, when you when you've made several pre decisions about how you're going to show up in a room. Another pre decision, completely different.

• 41:23Speaker 00

  I've pre decided that I won't walk in a room and prove myself to anybody.

• 41:29Speaker 00

  Pre decision. And prove yourself. Prove myself. What does that look like? Because, man, I What does that not look like, I guess? And that that used to be like my whole internal world was I gotta impress you. I gotta impress people. Try to build a brand. You're a speaker. Like, you gotta. You gotta prove yourself. And one day I just made a decision that says, actually,

• 41:55Speaker 00

  I don't have to do that. And it was so freeing. Wow. It was all it was so freeing. And here's what's crazy is.

• 42:04Speaker 00

  When I stopped trying to prove myself, you make a much better impression because you're just way calmer. You're just, you're just you. You're, you're way more yourself than when you're trying to like prove something to, to somebody. So.

• 42:19Lewis Howes?

  Where did that come from, the need to prove yourself in life?

• 42:24Speaker 00

  Culture.

• 42:27Speaker 00

  I mean, wanting to be successful, growing up broke. You know, it's, this is the way of the world. This is just how it works and you've, first impressions are everything, everything that you hear. You know, as an adolescent and in college. You know, you've got to, you've got to make a good impression. I mean, in fact, like I still do interviews, as weird as that sounds, for gigs. Like I still get interviewed for jobs all the time.

• 42:55Lewis Howes?

  Where they're like, hey, we're interested in you speaking here, but we wanted to get on a call first.

• 42:59Speaker 00

  Yes. And I lose it all the time.

• 43:01Lewis Howes?

  Really?

• 43:01Speaker 00

  All the time. They're like, he's not a guy.

• 43:03Lewis Howes?

  Oh, wow.

• 43:04Speaker 00

  Like I still live in that, like even as successful as I am now, it's like, I still can feel that

• 43:14Speaker 00

  pressure of like, I gotta do this song and dance for you. And and sometimes I'll just give a vibe like, actually I, I don't, I don't sing or, and I don't dance. And so.

• 43:30Lewis Howes?

  If you want me to take me.

• 43:31Speaker 00

  If you want me, great. If, and, and sometimes, but I used to be like, oh my gosh, what do you want me to do? Just tell me and, and you want me to sing? Okay. So I'll sing or you want me to tap dance? And so I'll tap. And then one day I'm like, I'm exhausted trying to be everything for everybody else. And so again, I just, I just, I just made a pre-decision that says, hey, I'm, I'm happy to share with you what I can do to add value to your organization, but I don't have the posture of, oh, I gotta, I gotta prove it.

• 44:01Lewis Howes?

  But how old were you when that started to like transform from proving to being at peace with who you were?

• 44:08Speaker 00

  All right. So I'm 39 right now. When did that happen? 38?

• 44:12Lewis Howes?

  Months ago.

• 44:12Speaker 00

  39. I mean, now, I mean, it's, it's. I did, I'm always a work in progress, you know, there is a there's a lot that can be thrown at you, especially you throw a lot of money into the mix and you can feel the like, it's paying you a lot of money. You know, the amount of times somebody has told me, hey, you're very expensive and, you know, I signed the contract and the CEO doesn't know it, so no pressure.

• 44:42Lewis Howes?

  I'm right.

• 44:44Speaker 00

  Well, I didn't tell you to do that. But now it's like, there's pressure, so it's taken a lot of inner God dialogue to get to a place where I just show up and I say, hey, I'm gonna get my best and I think this is gonna go well. I think I'm pretty good at what I do. I've put in the hours. I love my craft. I work on my craft every single day. I lock in for every single client I have. Sometimes you miss.

• 45:15Lewis Howes?

  Sometimes you miss, man. That's why we didn't go D1.

• 45:21Lewis Howes?

  I feel like there's a lot of lies that people tell themselves. You're around people all the time from the corporate world, sports to everyday people.

• 45:29Speaker 00

  Yes.

• 45:30Lewis Howes?

  What do you think is the biggest lie people believe?

• 45:34Speaker 00

  The biggest lie people believe starts with I can't.

• 45:40Speaker 00

  They have more I can'ts than they have I cans. And so those I can'ts really can steer people's lives a lot. And I think that's a big lie that people believe that they will always fall short of their potential because of their I can'ts. And we could fill in the blank on what the I can't is, you know? I think another big lie that I see with a lot of people is

• 46:11Speaker 00

  they have this like

• 46:16Speaker 00

  If it's never been done before,

• 46:19Speaker 00

  then

• 46:21Speaker 00

  how could it ever be possible it may? I mean, how many people have sat on this very podcast that were the first? Yeah. And so most people believe that they have to be second. It's a big lie. It's never been done before. Most people want tried and true. But for something to be tried and true, somebody's got to try. That's right, man. So that's, that's, that's why they pay me the big bucks. Cause I'm there to get you to try. I'm, I'm there to get, no, you go first. No, no, we're gonna wait for somebody else to jump in the pool. I'm like, somebody's got to test the pool. Why not you? Why not me? What's the biggest lie you believe about yourself right now?

• 47:00Speaker 00

  Biggest lie that I believe about myself right now is that that I'm just a speaker.

• 47:08Speaker 00

  That that is the

• 47:11Speaker 00

  that that's the only value that I bring to the world. Is, is with a microphone. What is the, on the other side of that lie? I don't know. Working through that. I don't know. I mean, it's like you, you spend so much of your career trying to be good at this thing.

• 47:28Speaker 00

  And then you get good enough, if you will. And then one day you wake up and you go, am I supposed to be doing more than this?

• 47:37Speaker 00

  Less than this. More or less. Something different? Something, yeah, you know? And then you, you get the, everybody's got a plan for your life. So does God, sort of thing. And then, yeah, so you, you can, you can believe a lot of lies in there of just, you, you are the only value you're bringing is is what you can do on a stage? Or what you can do for somebody's phone on social media? You know, you can easily fall for the trap of believing like those things are your identity. So, so for me, I think it's, it's a daily fight to go, I'm not.

• 48:15Speaker 00

  I'm not only what you see on your phone. I'm not only what you see on a stage. And um, so yes, I think trying to answer that question of like, who are you and what do you bring to the world?

• 48:31Speaker 00

  Is is a is an interesting dance for sure.

• 48:34Lewis Howes?

  What was the biggest limiting belief you had growing up that you had to overcome?

• 48:39Speaker 00

  Man, there's probably so many narratives around race.

• 48:42Lewis Howes?

  Really?

• 48:43Speaker 00

  Oh, yeah. Just being black and what that means. And what, you know, you you hear so many things about what it means to be a black man in America. And most days I'm just like, I'm just emailing like crazy. And it's not like I don't sign my email Ryan Link, the black guy. You're like, Ryan, like, let's go, let's move on to the next thing. And so then it's like, well, as a, and again, sometimes it's like a limiting belief that is partially true in some ways. And so I spoke for um, a Fortune 100 company. I was the first black speaker that they've ever had for their executive retreat.

• 49:29Speaker 00

  And there is one black guy on their board and he told me, he came to me after and he goes, he goes, no, it can't even before he goes, you're the first black guy, don't be the last.

• 49:39Lewis Howes?

  Oh, my gosh. Before the speech, no pressure.

• 49:42Speaker 00

  Yeah, and then he goes, and then I finished and he goes, because you were first, you won't be the last. He goes, you crushed it. He goes, you are the you are the perfect first. And I'm like, thanks. You know, it's like, I don't, you don't really know what like, are you limiting? What I can do from your vantage point? Because I don't plan on limiting myself. And so

• 50:04Lewis Howes?

  That's good.

• 50:05Speaker 00

  I think another limiting belief that permeates every day is that so it's kind of it's it's different so I I do one hundred and twenty events a year a hundred of those events are corporate America events all over the place and then twenty of those are mega churches and so what I have been told is that you can't do both you have to pick one you either have to pick a pastoral life or have to pick a keynote speaker life but you cannot

• 50:33Lewis Howes?

  really

• 50:33Speaker 00

  mix the two you you cannot speak in churches and speak at these top companies you you can't you can't do that on your social media I've been told by plenty of people you have to stop posting faith content you can't do that

• 50:47Lewis Howes?

  so it's almost like the religious people have limited you those are the ones in the setting have kind of said hey you gotta kind of pick and choose or is it the corporate people have said that

• 50:55Speaker 00

  both really both sides both sides have said I've heard it from both sides

• 50:59Lewis Howes?

  but the corporate people keep booking you the more and you're doing it

• 51:02Speaker 00

  well now

• 51:02Lewis Howes?

  not holding you back

• 51:03Speaker 00

  yes but even when I first got in it was like hey dude you gotta delete your faith stuff literally was told that other speakers other speakers right now would be like how is Ryan getting away with that because the mantra is

• 51:18Speaker 00

  if you continue to talk about your faith this much corporate America won't trust you because they'll think you're coming in to preach or I don't know what they they think is is going

• 51:31Lewis Howes?

  if people convert to something

• 51:32Speaker 00

  something right but it's only it's only grown the more that I so so yes some people will put that limiting belief on you of going if you're going to be effective in the church then you can't be effective in business and it's like or you could just do a good job in both is it's kind of my mind

• 51:48Lewis Howes?

  exactly blended too because it sounds like you're you've learned now how to not be a people pleaser

• 51:55Speaker 00

  yeah

• 51:55Lewis Howes?

  is what I'm hearing you say in the last six months

• 51:58Speaker 00

  no literally

• 51:59Lewis Howes?

  because you've had to figure out okay I want to make corporate people happy and faith based people happy and make sure they're not doing the wrong things but it sounds like you're just being you do you think someone can truly reach their potential if they're being a people pleaser to others

• 52:14Speaker 00

  Absolutely not. I, I think that if you do the hard work of being yourself,

• 52:21Speaker 00

  which is a lot of work, man.

• 52:23Lewis Howes?

  Or, or it could be the easy work. Just be yourself and stop pleasing everyone else. Either how you look at, you know, it's hard for me. It's been hard for me for a long time. But the more you practice it and you're just like, oh, I'm just gonna be me and I have my five core friends around me and I don't need everyone else to like me. Hopefully they respect me or they like me, but I don't need to care what they think about me.

• 52:45Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 52:46Lewis Howes?

  Cause I have my wife and my kids and my, my five friends that I play pickleball with, you know, whatever. I'm good, but it's so, I grew up where it was so hard where I wanted everyone to like me, right? I didn't want people to not like me.

• 53:00Speaker 00

  Yes.

• 53:01Lewis Howes?

  That was based on wounds and traumas and different things that I've learned how to heal, but.

• 53:05Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 53:06Lewis Howes?

  And it, it was exhausting trying to get everyone to be okay with who I was. And the shape shifting or changing to please someone else or, you know, the song and dance.

• 53:15Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 53:16Lewis Howes?

  It was exhausting.

• 53:18Speaker 00

  Oh, yeah.

• 53:18Lewis Howes?

  And it's like, I can only imagine what I could have done with the energy I had that I lost by trying to please other people.

• 53:26Speaker 00

  Yeah, it's, it's, I think sometimes,

• 53:31Speaker 00

  you know, I mean, you're, you're a high performer. You, you have a lot going on, you know, it's, it's, you're what I would call not normal. And then you have people in your world who would really benefit from you being normal.

• 53:46Lewis Howes?

  Hmm. Oh, yeah.

• 53:48Speaker 00

  Like just come to the barbecue.

• 53:49Lewis Howes?

  They'd feel more comfortable.

• 53:51Speaker 00

  Like they would, and so that like, what do you mean you can't come? You're like,

• 53:56Speaker 00

  well, I don't know if you know, I've got a.

• 53:59Lewis Howes?

  Commitment over here. I've got this dream. I got this thing.

• 54:01Speaker 00

  Yeah, I kinda got this Olympic thing going. I don't know if you've been, it's like, you, you are, you're doing like, you're, you're trying to make an Olympic thing? Yeah, a little bit. Yeah, I gotta, yeah, it's like, I got rehab, I got, I got work to do. And so, not everybody's gonna understand that. And so that, that, that is the piece, especially over the last three years for me, where people, did I had to get really okay?

• 54:27Speaker 00

  Using a phrase with acquaintances that they were very uncomfortable with. Because there are people who we were acquaintances in, I don't know, 2015. I don't know, maybe we played basketball together. And then they see whatever proverbial success they believe I have now. They'll be like telling their friends, yeah, yeah, Ryan's my boy. We're friends. And then they kind of like want to cash in on our friendship or whatnot. And I've just, I've just, I've had to say this to a few people over the last year said, hey, I love you, but we're not friends.

• 55:09Lewis Howes?

  Oh, man. Gosh, I've done that in the last few years without the I love you part, but just we're not friends.

• 55:17Speaker 00

  We're not.

• 55:17Lewis Howes?

  I haven't spoken to you in years. You want something from me and acting like we're friends.

• 55:22Speaker 00

  We're not friends.

• 55:23Lewis Howes?

  It was probably the scariest thing, the scariest thing to do to say that the first time. We're not friends. But then afterwards, it just felt so free.

• 55:30Speaker 00

  Oh, my God.

• 55:31Lewis Howes?

  Free. Dude, I was like, when I said it, I was like, I can't believe I'm saying this.

• 55:36Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 55:37Lewis Howes?

  Cause I, all I wanted when I was a kid was friends.

• 55:39Speaker 00

  This is whatever.

• 55:41Lewis Howes?

  You just want to be alone, right? But it's like, comes a time where you just can't fake it anymore. You know what I'm saying?

• 55:48Speaker 00

  Dude, like I, the more I started saying it. They'd be like.

• 55:53Lewis Howes?

  I'm gonna call it six months from Ryan, Louis, we're not.

• 55:56Speaker 00

  Hey, man, we're not friends. Like I would, I would just say like, and they would be so hurt hearing that.

• 56:02Lewis Howes?

  Really?

• 56:02Speaker 00

  And then I would just say, what are my kids' names?

• 56:05Lewis Howes?

  Oh, yeah. Oh.

• 56:07Speaker 00

  Like what?

• 56:08Lewis Howes?

  Dang. Yeah, what's my wife's name?

• 56:09Speaker 00

  Like what, like what are we? Tell me something that's going on in my actual life that you don't see on social media.

• 56:17Lewis Howes?

  Zing.

• 56:17Speaker 00

  Does that make?

• 56:18Lewis Howes?

  It's like my kids' names.

• 56:19Speaker 00

  We're not friends. You, you see my highlights on the internet. That's it. You don't know anything. We played pickup basketball 10 years ago. Yeah, like I don't even play anymore. That's how much you were not friends is the fact that you still think that like you wouldn't even, you wouldn't even know that. And so, and sometimes I've, I've had to tell people like, we don't have a bad relationship. We don't have one. Right. We're just not friends. We're not, we're not. And hey, that's, That's not a problem. That's okay. I respect you. Yeah. I should have best. Yeah, I do. I wish you, but it's like, there's no ill will here. It's like, but why am I pretending that we're closer than we really are? Like if, like, and conversely, I don't know your kids' names. Yeah.

• 57:04Speaker 00

  I don't know what's going on in your lives. Some people will say, you never called me. I'll go, my phone works. You haven't called me either. Why is the onus all on me? It's like, we're, Not that close. Yeah, we're not friends. And, and I started doing that at 38. It's, Six months ago. You think crazy? I mean, it's, it's, and there, there is something. So when I was turning 30, the last day of my twenties, I was speaking for somebody and I was talking about a documentary that I had done. And this lady, she says, I was, literally, I was, I was 20, I had one day left in my twenties. And she goes, do you want to know why we booked you to speak? I said, why? She goes,

• 57:48Speaker 00

  it's not because you're a good speaker. She said, your documentary? Well,

• 57:54Speaker 00

  my daughter's dating this guy and he's, why, he's kind of a druggie and he lives on the floor of a crack house. But he does love basketball. Your documentary is about basketball. So, so I actually had him over to the house and, and we watched your documentary. And because of your documentary, he called 73 junior colleges and asked them if, if, if he could come and play basketball. And he's going to be playing college basketball this fall. He called his mom, who he had not spoken to in five years. She said, you're not a good speaker. She said, you pulled a young man's life off the floor. And that day I said, how do I want to spend my 30s? And at the time I was, I was on an executive team at, at a big church.

• 58:38Speaker 00

  And I, and I just thought, I love this church, but somebody else can be on the executive team and I quit.

• 58:42Lewis Howes?

  Wow.

• 58:43Speaker 00

  And I said, I want to spend my 30s pulling people's lives off the floor. If I have that ability, I want to do everything in my power to make that happen.

• 58:52Lewis Howes?

  That's pretty cool.

• 58:53Speaker 00

  So now that I'm entering into my 40s, I'm asking myself that question too of going, how do I want to spend my 40s? And part of that is, is as I'm filling in the blank, as I'm inching towards August 20th. When I turn 40, I'm, I'm going, I don't want to be juggling these random relationships that I really don't have. When I could just be honest with that person and just go, man, I respect you, hope, hope things are well, but like, we're not, we're not friends. Stop putting me in group chats, connecting me with people that we're not even connected.

• 59:30Lewis Howes?

  I don't want to get connected to.

• 59:32Speaker 00

  Yeah, I don't. It's, it's sort of to be able to have some of those conversations. I wasn't willing to do that even six, seven months ago.

• 59:38Lewis Howes?

  It's scary, man.

• 59:39Speaker 00

  But, but yeah, as, as you enter into your 40s, you go, man, I really, I really want to enjoy my 40s. And I really want to be surrounded by the people that are actually my friends.

• 59:51Lewis Howes?

  Wow.

• 59:51Speaker 00

  Instead of using a bunch of little energy for a lot of small relationships that really are superficial.

• 1:00:00Lewis Howes?

  Yeah.

• 1:00:00Speaker 00

  And, and whatnot. So it's, again, it's, it's a daily journey for me. I, I wish that was all polished and put together, but that, that's just, that's just not the truth.

• 1:00:08Lewis Howes?

  In the next six months, text me how many times you, you tell that to somebody and I'll let you know, we'll hold each other accountable. We're not friends.

• 1:00:14Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 1:00:14Lewis Howes?

  We'll create our own group chat group that we're not friends chat.

• 1:00:18Speaker 00

  Yep. Yep. Here's the person. Bro, if I sent you some screenshots of people that were like, come on, man, we go way back. I'm like, way back where? Where do we go way back to, you know?

• 1:00:30Lewis Howes?

  Something I heard you say before is why having a backup plan actually is the thing that's killing most people's dreams. Why is that?

• 1:00:39Speaker 00

  Yeah. You know, I, I think whenever there is a.

• 1:00:44Speaker 00

  This idea of here's my parachute. You you don't you don't go all in. You don't give it your best.

• 1:00:51Lewis Howes?

  Mm hmm.

• 1:00:52Speaker 00

  Because you have that fallback plan. So it's not about a wisdom side of things. It's about putting yourself in the prime position to move towards your goals. And you know, the famous scene that the Dark Knight Rises. How did he make the jump without rope?

• 1:01:08Lewis Howes?

  Mm hmm.

• 1:01:09Speaker 00

  It's the only way you can make it.

• 1:01:10Lewis Howes?

  So good.

• 1:01:11Speaker 00

  It was just an iconic scene. And as soon as he said without rope, everyone in the theater went.

• 1:01:17Lewis Howes?

  Or or you die. You're either making or you're dead.

• 1:01:20Speaker 00

  But there's but when you know you don't have rope, you jump a little higher.

• 1:01:24Lewis Howes?

  Oh, yeah.

• 1:01:25Speaker 00

  And that that is it's like, Ryan, what can I do to jump a little higher? Run a little faster, lose the rope.

• 1:01:33Speaker 00

  It's it's it's the only way that you it's like, do I train harder? It's just like, I mean, that'll help. But when you don't have that rope and it's your only thing, you're you're going to go further than your competition.

• 1:01:46Lewis Howes?

  What is the rope you're holding on to in your life right now that you need to let go of?

• 1:01:50Speaker 00

  I I don't know the exact answer to that question, to be honest. You know, I you know, we were talking before. It's like, do I start doing my own event?

• 1:02:00Lewis Howes?

  Don't do it unless you feel called, man.

• 1:02:01Speaker 00

  I mean, but that again, that that's the like. So sometimes I'm like, oh, I'm holding on to just like, like one of my friends, he calls it. He goes, you got a corporate couch, man. He said, you're you're just riding. And I'm like, it's kind of cruising. But at the same time, like, it's like, dude, I gotta lock in like.

• 1:02:16Lewis Howes?

  You're in the flow too with it.

• 1:02:17Speaker 00

  Yeah, it's like, I enjoy it.

• 1:02:19Lewis Howes?

  Yeah.

• 1:02:19Speaker 00

  But it's it's a how long can you do that? And then it's like, OK, I'm going to keep writing a book every.

• 1:02:26Lewis Howes?

  Let's say you let's go your your few months before you're 50. Let's go 10 years in the future.

• 1:02:31Speaker 00

  Man.

• 1:02:32Lewis Howes?

  And let's say you you lock in for the next decade, doing the exact same things to the maximum. You're 120, 150 days on the road, speaking. You've maxed the revenue generation. You've maxed your level of giving. You're giving 49.5% to go even more than your friend every year. You are writing a. Book a year.

• 1:02:54Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 1:02:55Lewis Howes?

  Maybe you do an event, you know, a smaller event in Dallas once a year. And you maximize for a decade, the exact same path, but just better.

• 1:03:05Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 1:03:06Lewis Howes?

  How do you think you'll feel at forty nine and a half, looking back at the last decade? Do you feel like you dropped the rope and went for it? Or do you feel like you were holding on to something that was comfortable, that you were great at? That was familiar? Do you feel like you served at the greatest level? Or you served what was great for you and easy for you because you could just do it on autopilot?

• 1:03:29Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 1:03:31Lewis Howes?

  What do you think forty nine year old you will say in a decade? And I think also before you even answer it, I think it's also a question for everyone to answer, to reflect on. Because you don't have to let go of the rope of every moment to like create something incredible. Or go for something, you don't have to do that also. You don't have to strive and achieve everything.

• 1:03:53Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 1:03:54Lewis Howes?

  You can live a beautiful, fulfilling life in the pocket.

• 1:03:57Speaker 00

  Totally. So one of, one of the questions that guided my thirties was what would you do if you knew you couldn't fail? Okay, so that was a big part of what I talk about in getting people to try things and whatnot. When I first answered that question is, oh, I'd be in the NBA documentary, you do that whole deal, great. This next question, I, I don't know if I'm going to make it. Uh, public facing, I don't know if I'm going to like do something with this question, but it has been something I've been wrestling with, which is. What would you do if you never needed another dollar in your life?

• 1:04:32Speaker 00

  What if you were set for life? What would you do with all of your time? If you were post economic? We have some friends who are post economic, right? They don't need money anymore. They, they make an interest, what we all dream of making something, right? But yet they still work. Which is interesting.

• 1:04:50Lewis Howes?

  Yeah, why?

• 1:04:51Speaker 00

  Yeah, it's like, what, because they love it? Because they need it.

• 1:04:54Lewis Howes?

  You need purpose.

• 1:04:55Speaker 00

  Is it purpose? You know? But I, I've, I've begun to think like, okay, if I didn't need a dollar. Would I do every event that I'm doing this year? No. I wouldn't. I wouldn't, I wouldn't do every event. I do, I do a lot of them, but I wouldn't do every single one of them.

• 1:05:13Speaker 00

  And so when I think about 10 years from now, I think, man, would I start saying no even more to create margin for fun project? Mm hmm. That don't need to make money. That don't need to make money. That's what my event was. No, but again. It was a fun project that made no money, no dollars, no cents. Yeah. But it brought a lot of joy and fulfillment and impact. And dude, I think. And it had its season in this place and. Hundred percent. But, but I, when I think about that, I think about like, okay, five years from now, I say no more and I've got margin and I, and I call Lewis, because we're friends now, right?

• 1:05:55Speaker 00

  We're real friends. I go, hey, Lewis, hey, man, I got some extra time.

• 1:06:01Speaker 00

  We should just do an event together and like, let's see how many of people like us would be willing to just all donate our time. Mm hmm. To do something to make LA a better city. Oh. And let's see, let's see how much money we could raise for the Boys and Girls Club of, of LA. And hey, it's gonna be a light lift. Oh, hey, guess what? I founded a production company to donate all of the gear and all of their hours for. So it's a light lift. None of us are selling anything, but hey, matter of fact, we're gonna do a tour and just like, we're gonna call it the Make a Difference Tour. Hmm. And we're just going to, you pick the cities you want to be in. If you want to come, great, but we just, we kind of do this like great potluck of giving, you know?

• 1:06:45Speaker 00

  Like I just had a little dream session with you in three minutes, right? I don't have that space right now. Oh, because every day is planned for the next year and a half. I mean, there's, there's, there's just kids and sports and whatever it's like. But I would hope that 10 years from now, that I wouldn't be holding on to that rope so tightly. And it's not like I need to do every single event, but I'm running a business. I have employees and the number one product is me getting on a stage, you know? And it's just like, okay, well, we get books and we can get workbooks and we do all of these other things and we could do courses and whatever, but it's just like. But that's not making the money like you on stage. No, it's like, and so it's like anytime I do get a speaking contract, I'm always looking at the calendar. I'm going, what else am I gonna be doing on a day? Golfing?

• 1:07:29Speaker 00

  You know, it's like, I like golf, but it's like, I actually could speak and go golf in the same day. Takes an hour. Yeah. It's so, and so in the future, I would love to, and there's been times where I have.

• 1:07:43Speaker 00

  Been.

• 1:07:46Speaker 00

  Where I've had opportunities to work with organizations that I just want to work with.

• 1:07:52Speaker 00

  That. And I'd love to spend a few days with them. I don't have a few days.

• 1:07:56Lewis Howes?

  You don't have that time.

• 1:07:57Speaker 00

  Yeah, I don't, I don't have. And so I, I would. Maybe when my kids graduate high school or. And I have a little bit more margin in that, in that space than.

• 1:08:06Lewis Howes?

  How old are they? Eight and 12 or 10?

• 1:08:07Speaker 00

  They are. Good question. Six and 11, about to be seven and 12.

• 1:08:13Lewis Howes?

  Okay, cool. So you've got, you know, seven, six, seven years yet until it starts to happen. So. Good questions to think about.

• 1:08:20Speaker 00

  Very much so.

• 1:08:20Lewis Howes?

  I'd love to hear what everyone's answer is in the comments below.

• 1:08:23Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 1:08:24Lewis Howes?

  The next 10 years. You know, is there a rope that you need to let go of to step in who you truly want to become? So.

• 1:08:30Speaker 00

  For sure.

• 1:08:31Lewis Howes?

  This has been powerful, man. I appreciate you showing up, Ryan, and sharing this wisdom. I've got a couple of final questions for you. Before we get to it, I want to make sure people follow you, Ryan Leek.

• 1:08:40Speaker 00

  Yep.

• 1:08:41Lewis Howes?

  Dot com, Ryan Leek on social media as well.

• 1:08:43Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 1:08:44Lewis Howes?

  You've got some great content on there. So if people want more.

• 1:08:46Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 1:08:47Lewis Howes?

  On how to navigate communication, strategies, dealing with. Complicated people.

• 1:08:53Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 1:08:54Lewis Howes?

  You can get the book, How to Work with Complicated People, and all the other content that you have is on your website, RyanLeek.com. They want to book you for speaking.

• 1:09:02Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 1:09:02Lewis Howes?

  They can go there as well.

• 1:09:03Speaker 00

  That's right.

• 1:09:03Lewis Howes?

  Check you out, man.

• 1:09:04Speaker 00

  That's right.

• 1:09:04Lewis Howes?

  This is a question I ask everyone at the end. It's called the three truths. We've already gone 10 years in the future. Let's go to the end of life. Imagine you get to create and accomplish anything you want.

• 1:09:13Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 1:09:14Lewis Howes?

  For the rest of your life.

• 1:09:15Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 1:09:15Lewis Howes?

  You had all that margin to do all the cool projects.

• 1:09:18Speaker 00

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 1:09:19Lewis Howes?

  You gave 49 and a half percent every year. All these things happen.

• 1:09:23Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 1:09:23Lewis Howes?

  But for whatever reason, at the end of the day, you have to take all of your work with you, all your content.

• 1:09:29Speaker 00

  Sure.

• 1:09:29Lewis Howes?

  Books, everything's gone. But you get to leave behind three lessons to the world.

• 1:09:33Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 1:09:34Lewis Howes?

  I call it the three truths. What would that be for you?

• 1:09:36Speaker 00

  The first truth is every single person at UNI know.

• 1:09:42Speaker 00

  Has an assignment from God. And until they get started on it, life will not make sense. And that could be a song to sing, a book to write, a movie to make, a podcast to record, a family to raise, a student to teach. It could be in the mundane. It doesn't have to be a big dream, but I believe each and every person has been given a God assignment. There is a reason you are on this planet. And if you do not search for that God assignment, life will never make sense. That's the first truth.

• 1:10:15Lewis Howes?

  That's one.

• 1:10:16Speaker 00

  Second truth is that I would leave with the planet because I'm taking all my stuff with me anyways.

• 1:10:23Lewis Howes?

  Can't get access to this conversation is gone.

• 1:10:26Speaker 00

  Gone. I would say

• 1:10:29Speaker 00

  contentment is true wealth.

• 1:10:33Speaker 00

  Contentment is true wealth. The reason I believe that is because if you ask somebody what would make them happy, their number would be more.

• 1:10:44Speaker 00

  More, more, more, more, more followers, more money, more houses, more, more, more, more, more. I know some people that got a lot.

• 1:10:57Speaker 00

  But they don't have enough.

• 1:11:01Speaker 00

  When you, when your number is enough, you move completely different.

• 1:11:08Speaker 00

  And in fact, if you can find enough in your life anywhere, I would say you're the richest person I know.

• 1:11:14Lewis Howes?

  Wow. So interesting you say that before you get to number three. There was a great interview from Jim Carrey, who I'm a big fan of.

• 1:11:21Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 1:11:22Lewis Howes?

  A couple of years ago where he said he was retiring from acting and he was doing an interview promoting a movie and he was like, and she was, the journalist was like, what are you going to do next? He goes, I think I'm done.

• 1:11:33Speaker 00

  You know?

• 1:11:34Lewis Howes?

  I think I'm retiring. I've done enough movies.

• 1:11:36Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 1:11:36Lewis Howes?

  And she was like, no, you can't retire. Like you're so good and this and this. And he goes, I'm going to say something that no celebrity in Hollywood will ever admit. And he said, I've done enough. I have enough. I am enough.

• 1:11:50Speaker 00

  A hundred percent.

• 1:11:51Lewis Howes?

  And, you know, it's easy for say in him and his career, he's done all these things. But usually a lot of people, when they're at the top, they feel like they need to keep going for more and.

• 1:12:02Lewis Howes?

  And I think it's just knowing what to say yes to.

• 1:12:05Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 1:12:06Lewis Howes?

  Because you want to, not because you feel like you need to have more or you don't have enough.

• 1:12:10Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 1:12:11Lewis Howes?

  Right? Kind of like what you said, so.

• 1:12:12Speaker 00

  Oh, yeah, man. That, that, that enough thing will take you really far. That's when peace enters the chat.

• 1:12:18Lewis Howes?

  Oh, yeah.

• 1:12:19Speaker 00

  Oh, there's, there is no better feeling than enough. It, it doesn't create complacency where you say, I'm not gonna do it anymore. It's like, I just get to do it now. I don't have to do it.

• 1:12:31Lewis Howes?

  Yeah. When you have inner peace, that is.

• 1:12:33Speaker 00

  My gosh.

• 1:12:34Lewis Howes?

  True abundance.

• 1:12:35Speaker 00

  Oh, my gosh. Yeah, if you, you wanna be rich, get enough.

• 1:12:39Lewis Howes?

  Get enough. That's good.

• 1:12:40Speaker 00

  Get enough.

• 1:12:41Lewis Howes?

  The third truth?

• 1:12:42Speaker 00

  Third truth.

• 1:12:45Speaker 00

  If you want to live like no one lives, give like no one gives.

• 1:12:49Lewis Howes?

  Hmm.

• 1:12:51Speaker 00

  If you wanna live like no one lives, give like no one gives. What I love about what my wife and I get to do with our two boys is we don't think about generational wealth. We think about generational giving.

• 1:13:06Lewis Howes?

  Interesting.

• 1:13:07Speaker 00

  The Daft that I was telling you about earlier. Our kids will inherit a lot of money that they have to give away.

• 1:13:13Lewis Howes?

  Mm hmm.

• 1:13:14Speaker 00

  That's how it works.

• 1:13:16Speaker 00

  I don't know if my kids will uh, drive a BMW. They might, they can, if they want to, that's up to them. I don't know what size house they'll have. I don't know where they'll live in the world. I don't know what they're gonna do with their life, but they, they, they'll be givers. We did an exercise uh, over dinner the other day. I said, hey, if, if I gave you a hundred thousand dollars right now, what would you do with it? My first son, he says, well, I'd give twenty grand to God.

• 1:13:46Speaker 00

  I said, really? It's amazing. And then he said, and then I'd save another twenty grand. I go, wow, okay, that's great. I said, so you got sixty grand left. What are you gonna do with the rest of the sixty? He said, I'll probably buy Pokemon cards. I went, okay.

• 1:13:58Lewis Howes?

  All right, now, now, now, now.

• 1:13:59Speaker 00

  Now we're on track. Now, now, now we're back at it.

• 1:14:01Lewis Howes?

  Sounds right, yeah.

• 1:14:02Speaker 00

  And the second kid goes, I go, okay, you get a hundred grand. What do you do? He goes.

• 1:14:07Speaker 00

  I'd give 40 grand to God.

• 1:14:09Lewis Howes?

  Competition, you know, it's like the ego, I'm gonna give more.

• 1:14:12Speaker 00

  I like this. I like, I like that this is our house. And it's better to give than receive. And that, that just, it's not about the money. It's about that spirit of generosity. You can feel it. You can feel a taker coming a mile away. But when you're in the presence of a giver, you breathe, you breathe a whole lot deeper. You breathe a whole lot easier. There isn't this, what's up the sleeve? What's the agenda? It's like, I'm here to give. I'm here to add value. I don't, I don't, I don't got any tricks up my sleeve. And so, yeah, I think if you, if you give like nobody gives, then you'll live like nobody lived.

• 1:14:56Lewis Howes?

  Mm hmm. Final question, Ryan.

• 1:14:58Speaker 00

  Yes.

• 1:14:59Lewis Howes?

  What is your definition of greatness?

• 1:15:01Speaker 00

  My definition of greatness is when you can truly discover your potential, your strengths, your influence,

• 1:15:14Speaker 00

  and leverage all of that to serve other people. Like when you figure out, I am really great at this thing. This is what God put me on the planet to do. And I have locked in on that and I am unlocking my potential. But I'm doing all of that to help somebody else.

• 1:15:31Lewis Howes?

  Yeah.

• 1:15:32Speaker 00

  Like to me, that is, that's the definition of greatness.

• 1:15:35Lewis Howes?

  My man. Thanks for being here.

• 1:15:36Speaker 00

  Appreciate you, man. Thanks.

• 1:15:37Lewis Howes?

  Powerful, brother. Thank you. I hope you enjoyed today's episode and it inspired you on your journey towards greatness. Make sure to check out the show notes in the description for a full rundown of today's episode with all the important links. And if you want weekly exclusive bonus episodes with me personally, as well as ad free listening, then make sure to subscribe to our Greatness Plus channel exclusively on Apple Podcasts. Share this with a friend on social media and leave us a review on Apple Podcasts as well. Let me know what you enjoyed about this episode in that review. I really love hearing feedback from you and it helps us figure out how we can support and serve you moving forward. And I want to remind you, if no one has told you lately, that you are loved,

• 1:16:21Lewis Howes?

  you are worthy, and you matter. And now it's time to go out there and do something great.